#then id be made fun of bc that’s what friends are for
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jrueships · 5 months ago
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Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them
#i am not a sneakerhead#i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot#i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally#bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe#and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential#once i got these rlly nice shoes#ive worn them once when i was trying them on#and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty#BUT I HATE THAT#some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT#im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one#i can understand why they can#like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have#like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live#like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like#yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house#chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes#any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes#and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them#random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that#u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are#or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know#the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u#anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do#anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally#he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys#which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today#but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO
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blackcurrant-juice · 3 months ago
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wondering why im so fucking sleepy for no reason then remembered I forgot to take my meds for 3 days
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snekdood · 2 months ago
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when ppl are like "do u know ppl of x minority that ur still in contact with" as a gotcha ig to say ur not actually as open and progressive as you say you are but bud... i dont talk to anyone from my past, lmao, I dont think thats a fair metric to go by quite frankly
#no i dont talk to that person anymore. just like i dont talk to any of the privileged ppl i knew anymore either lmao#i kinda cut everyone off bc apparently ppl in my state just have a hard on for being judgemental assholes all the time and im tired of it#i thought maybe it was me but i hear from ppl who arent from here all the time that ppl are way more weird and cliquey here#and its hard to make friends so. i feel less bad now lmao.#i thought i was crazy but no im seeing reality perfectly clearly. ppl just are super cliquey here for no reason#and anyone who strays from the status quo in any capacity must be Shunned and Condemned for being Wiyuurrd#the more right leaning types dont try to hide it. but the progressive try to cloak their disgust and uncomfortability with people#being different with a bunch of excuses. literally making shit up about me to justify hating me so they can still feel progressive#while hating and making fun of me in an explicitly rw way#like. acting like kiwifarms people out here being fucking strategic n shit pretending to like me so they can make fun of me type shit like#you look like a nazi dawg lmao.#you make me feel like hanging out with my brothers friends- who definitely leaned a bit to the right- is more ideal bc at least they're#fucking out in the open and honest about making fun of me bc they think im weird. yall are too cowardly to just own up to it.#'n-no i swear its because he did [thing i either did but it didnt go down the way they said or something they made up]! i swear im not#just making shit up just to make fun of him !!!!!!! i promie!!!!'#i literally cut off all my hair bc of taking 'lsd' from those same brothers friends bc i went fucking crazy basically (trying to emphasize#how low the bar is that id rather hang out with these dudes than the more left leaning ppl i knew) and people assumed i did it bc some girl#who had or died of cancer that i never even fucking heard before??? like idk. ig they thought i was trying to be insulting or smthn????#i didnt even know who this chick was and it was my first time hearing about her when ppl told me someone spread that rumor.#bitch i was sitting in my bathroom for hours having weird discussions in myself and basically fighting between my real self#and what felt like an external force of all the judgements ppl have made about me manifest into one being (zero) trying to convince me#i couldnt be me and i felt like he possessed me to cut off all my hair and i heard him say 'THIS ISNT YOUR REAL HAIR!!!'#since it was dyed at the time and i was embracing being trans and embracing being my true self but something about that 'trip'#fucked me up and detrans and it had a lot to do w another trip i had w those same brothers friends making me feel inadequate.#i dont know who da fuck you were talking about bitch im living in a nightmare over here can we talk about that instead of whatever tf#you're going on about and making up to justify hating me and ignoring my suffering?
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perilegs · 8 months ago
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i'm such a greenpilled dark jade maxxer but i think ive made people associate me with blue a bit too much. my icon? blue. my blog? blue. my choice of board game pieces? blue. my reason for wanting to be player one in most games? having a blue character. why i want to play as player 2 in super mario for wii? blue toad.
#why is my online and game presence so blue#irl im out there with my green bed and green eyes and green emotional support water bottle and dreams of more#green furniture and my green phone theme and ok. i mostly wear black but most of my clothes that are of a color are green#when i was a kid i always saved these colored pencils of a specific shade of green (dark jade) bc they were so pretty to me#i never said it was my favorite color bc it was so special to me it was a secret favorite color#besides i didnt care for all green as much as thay shade as a kid#now however? i think id say green if someone asked me my fave color#you guys know the post about not having a fave color and someone guessing ita yellow and that becoming ur fave?#i think a similar thing happened to me#some years ago i wa shopping with a friend and she suggested i try something green bc itd match my eyes#and before that moment i was still in my dark jade green is my secret fave color phase#and i also thought green would look awful on me bc im so red (bc of acne. and getting flushed easy. i dont think my undertone is red.)#but it didnt! and the friend complimented me on how much it made my eyes pop out#and then i started looking at green things a bit more and it kind of escalated from there yknow#its fun when something that doesnt mean anything (in a neutral way) to someone. just a one off thought. makes something click in ur brain#leevi talks#man idk what iim even talking abiut here im so incredibly sleepy rn gn everyone
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bangcakes · 1 year ago
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wishchthumblr · 9 months ago
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on todays episode of "mental health issues that could easily be solved by one single thing that i dont have", GET A MICROWAVE!!!
i just know SO many of my eating related issues (not all obviously but a LOT of them) would be solved if this house just had a goddamn microwave
today i ate like... 1/4th of those small frozen pizzas, 1/3rd of a grilled cheese, and 1/3rd bowl of macaroni and meatballs. and yall wanna know why i didnt eat the whole thing of any of them? its cause my stupid adhd ass took too long to eat and the food got cold. and then i Cannot Eat That anymore. so even though i was still hungry i didnt eat the rest of it and just went back to rotting on youtube shorts and being too hungry to do anything and feeling dumb and unproductive and being guilty of making food that i dont eat. just... feeling like a big ol' waste
but the thing is, if i just
✨owned a microwave✨
i could just reheat the motherfucking food and still eat it and not feel like ive wasted that food. ((because since that food is wasted i feel guilty about making it, so i dont make any more food until next meal time, but then i didnt finish that either cause im stupid and eat too slow.))
but we dont have a microwave. only an oven. and yeah maybe i couldve reheated the 3/4th pizza or the grilled cheese in the oven, but then again the oven uses a lot of electricity. and my mom is always complaining that i turn the oven on, forget that its on for a while, and that im wasting electricity. and i was too tired and hungry to deal with that possibility. plus with the oven theres a chance i forget it too long or have it too hot and burn the food and that would just make me feel worse
but we dont have a microwave, because my mom thinks having a microwave leads to "eating more unhealthy foods that you just heat up" instead of "real food". so i didnt reheat any of my food. so i didnt eat it. it got to the point where it got cold and gross so i just threw it in the trash and hope my mom or grandma doesnt notice.
but if i had a microwave, i couldve reheated that food. and i couldve eaten it. ((and yeah, maybe i wouldnt have ate the whole thing, but maybe half at least? that counts right? well it dont really matter if it counts or not cause it didnt happen.))
and then maybe i wouldnt have been feeling like im gonna faint the whole day and maybe i wouldve gotten literally anything done instead of just scrolling on pinterest and youtube shorts for hours and feeling worthless. and maybe if i ate i wouldnt have hurt myself today
but nope. no microwave. it leads to "unhealthy" habits. i guess not eating enough to count as even ONE full meal is healthier since its not "microwave food"
thanks mom
#tw eating issues#tw self harm#btw to my irl friends. if you see this no you did not#sorry honey if you see this. cause i know you like my mom and think shes really nice#which she is!! most of the time aha#the hurting myself happened bc i usually have sprinkled cheese on my macaroni and meatballs#but i used all the cheese in the sandwich that i binned#which made me feel like such a fucking idiot and a waste#so i started crying#and i took the metal lid from the boiling macaroni pot and pressed it to me leg for like 10 seconds straight#fun fact: im really good at muffling any sound when im in pain. haha#it didnt feel like enough though. my knife drawer had stuff infront of it but theres a loose screw on my table#so i ripped that across my skin a couple times#some blood came out but not “enough” pain#so then i had the very strong urge to hurt MORE#and intrusively imagined what id be like to take a knife and drive it into my stomach#which was a little shocking cause i havent had THAT thought in a while#AND THEN i remembered i have my swedish final on monday and i have to make a speech and i havent even chosen a topic yet#and that ill have to meet the swedish teacher that is the reason for the only times i have ever cried or cut at school#and then i had another like... daydream hallucination thing about telling my asshole swedish teacher#that the reason i dont have a speech is cause i realised id see him on monday and wanted to kms :3#kinda still feel like cutting and i scratched myself with the sharp screw a bit more but at least venting about this helped a little#yall if i look my teacher in the eyes and tell him he makes me want to kms and that his behavior and attitude HAS made me cut myself#and that i pray to god he treats his own children better than he treats his students#think hed let me skip the test? yes or no?#god i feel so dizzy rn#but i dont wanna make more food and have to throw it away. i wish we had snacks in this house#wish’s whispers#personal vent#this was a lot of tags aha
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houseofwolvess · 1 year ago
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sexuality is so dumb. relationships are dumb. romance is dumb and sex is dumb and it's all too fucking complicated and weird
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sameteeth · 4 months ago
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the urgentcare im at is showing timelapses of waves and sunsets which is making me imagine some person just very patiently sitting and watching these for hours on end. or at least having to sit thru these to quality check everything
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youaremysunshine-court · 10 months ago
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anyone ever slip into a whole other persona that enjoys hanging out with a certain group of people bc situations have forced you into it and then you take a breather and go back to the people you actually like and it's absolute hell slipping back into that persona to go back to the first group of people and you kind of hate yourself for it but it's the only way you'll survive bc you can't isolate yourself for 3 years so you're making do but talking to your real friends reminds you how good it could be if only you could be around them all the time
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kaffeebaby · 2 years ago
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What kinda stuff are you writing about!!
Most of the stuff I'm writing right now are better call saul fanfics. I've always been more of a fanfic writer as opposed to making original characters and worlds.
A lot of my fanfic ideas are the "What if this happened instead?" genre. Like what if Gus rehired Gale and made him work with both Walt and Jesse? That would change a lot of stuff, and I had explored some ideas months ago, but I kinda stopped thinking about it as much as other ideas that were more interesting to me started crowding my mind. I don't want this post to get too long but also >:3c
Lately, I've been trying to come up with ideas for a fic where Chuck forgets to cancel his appointment when he's having his last breakdown, so he misses his appointment and his therapist shows up at his house concerned. And she ends up getting him to a hospital where he can be treated before he has the chance to do anything worse than tear his house apart. That event would completely change everything else that happens in the show, and would even impact the stuff that happens in BrBa, so it's been a lot to think about. I basically have to figure out a way for Chuck's life to become livable for him, plus I have to figure out how Saul can still happen if Chuck is still there and Kim doesn't divorce him due to Howard and Lalo never happening, and. Many other things.
But I have a rough outline of different things that need to happen, and I'm the type of person that daydreams or fantasizes a lot throughout the day, especially at night, so it's nice to have a pet project that has some interesting challenges. I get to justify thinking about blorbos all day because it goes back to something I want to write about.
The one wip I mentioned in my tags was a Chuck and Howard smut that I was writing during January this year. I planned to have it finished and posted on Valentine's Day, but I got the stomach flu like two weeks before that which completely ruined any ability to write people having sex. I tried to keep writing after I wasn't sick anymore, but it was kinda done for at that point, since the deadline was actually really motivating me. I've thought about trying to write more on it again, and I've even considered posting it in its half finished state with an author's note that it's not done. There are very few Chuck and Howard fics, and I only ship them recreationally, so at first I wasn't so upset and not finishing and posting the work. But the more time drags on, the more I feel like there are people who would actually like to read my rarepair fanfic, even if I posted it unfinished with a warning and the possibility I'd finish it later. It works where it is right now, but it's very much not as long as I wanted it to be and there's a lot more stuff I wanted to add that I just don't feel the motivation for at this point. But also that doesn't mean I should keep it locked up forever.
I have some other fic ideas that I've been floating around, but my brain has been consumed by my Chuck Lives AU for a while and it's kinda hard to focus on other stuff. I do have a google doc of all my fic ideas though, and I visit it every now and then when I'm in the mood to write or want to refresh what all of my ideas are. I've been a lot better lately at actually writing down ideas as they come to me so that I don't forget them later.
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snekdood · 8 months ago
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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?
#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk#vent#'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was#already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better#to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him#floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time#and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it#I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy#so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he#evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't#be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him#and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14#in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character#to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way#to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris#often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it#at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa#ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people#laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche#i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make#fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off#what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet#my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes#along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to
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deangirldisease · 2 years ago
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the notes on that poll are actually very interesting. to me
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djpachipikachu · 1 month ago
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Now that 2024 is coming to a close:
1) Of everything you've made this year, which ones are you the most proud of?
2) What are a few of your favorite things (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?
ooh hello okay !
1.
the stuff im most proud of this year areee these guys !
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[april 2024]
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[july 2924]
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[august 2024]
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[october 2024]
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[november 2024]
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[december 2024]
its a lotta stuff just cause ive made WAYYY more finished illustrations this year than i have in super super long its been a really successful year for me in that aspect and im real proud of myself for it :]
2.
goshhh there are so many things ive loved,,, full disclosure i deffo will forget some things there were just so many wonderful things to see ILL ALSO JUST . STICK WITH TMNT/USAGI THINGS BC I HAVE A LOT OF INTERESTS I COULD TALK ABOUT
BIG MAMA’S CHILD BY @hitokshellart
hitok’s become a rly dear friend to me rly fast this year and his au and comic for it is just Incredible work, all of the art they’ve made outside of the comic have yanked my emotions So hard and not to mention their portrayal of qpr leosagi holds such a special place in my heart!!! i love bmc so much
anything by @goodlucktai
i’ve been really slacking on reading fanfics at all this year which is a shame but taizi’s fics are the few i have read and just. Every piece of theirs has been both downright inspiring and have tugged at my heartstrings so much, they really understand characters and how to write them well !! ive really wanted to improve my writing bc of them
cousins au by @hasello
genuinely one of the biggest highlights of the year for me was seeing updates from this au and just art in general from hasello, its just such a loving and domestic au and the dynamics are So Fun and hasello’s art is Perfect for expressing emotions in a way that hits you deeply
honorable mentions
@dustbunsinspace - the most comforting aus and art style and lovely friend
@ashykneecaps6 - SICK ass art style hello my friend Sick As Fuck
@narizen - ik i said id stick with tmnt/usagi things but jay’s oc art and background work and colors and Everything , their style is one of my biggest inspos just incredibly awe inspiring
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urno1luv · 26 days ago
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squid game (s1) aespa x reader🫣?? ningning is the only sane member + gets a happy ending tho😭
(as for the asks, don't worry!! i saw them all and i'm working on posting them!!)
tags: saebyeok's murder mentioned (😔), yandere behaviour, drugging, noncon, sadism, suicide mentioned once (reader), audiz are written together
🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪
KARINA and GISELLE, the VIPs
- flew over with giselle from japan just to watch this event, her perversion evident on her sharp features. she's definitely gonna have the time of her life
- her bets were placed on player 101, seeing how he was one of the most brutal players in the games, but giselle advised her to chose number 067 instead, citing her agility and her supposedly "callous" behaviour as a force to be reckoned with. aeri, after all, is one to listen to🙂‍↕️
- however, when both players have died and the only ones left are 456, 218, and you, 457, karina becomes pretty annoyed with giselle's guesses. "yah, uchinaga. we lost a million already, so choose a better player, don't make me lose more."
- luckily for rina, giselle already had her eyes on the cutest thing ever!!! your beautiful doe eyes glistening and filled with fear from player 218's sudden killing of your friend saebyeok. "hmm.... how about you bet on 456 and I bet on 457?" aeri suggests, smirking. "i feel like they might team up against 218, and the other VIPs are betting on him to win. let's divide our chances?" through a lot of coaxing, jimin agrees, her eyes following your every move.
- giselle and karina are pleasantly shocked once you suddenly use that brain of yours and successfully kill player 456 while he's occupied with the other player. with tears in your eyes, your knife enters his throat, giving him a quick death. though you cared about him very much, you couldn't afford to go against him in the next game when you were the finalists. rina tuts once you kill her pick, but it doesn't matter, bc the other VIPs now owe the girls their money since you won!!
- the guards escort you out of the arena, your legs weak with fatigue and guilt. aeri, however, has other plans for you ♡ "unnie, why don't we have some fun before we leave? think of it as a final parting gift!" jimin scoffs, but after thinking about it, why not?
- after being knocked out by gas during the ride in the lift, you wake up rather painfully, two slender but long fingers rammed into your cunt, pounding deep. you can't move your head to see who it is, but you feel woman's chest pressed against your back, her hot tongue on your neck, lips acting like a suction. your fingers twitch weakly, whimpering softly. your brain is too fried to realise that there's another woman sat beside you, smoking a cigarette, her deep voice ringing in your ears. "aeri, you made a good decision. she'll be pretty fun to play with," and she ended with small chuckle, hand snaking around your thigh. seems like you won't rest well tonight...
WINTER, the frontman
- she's by far the most evil, depraved, person out of all. her love for violence stems from an incident that happened when she was younger, in which her father got murdered before her eyes, and that changed her. it seemed as if her prayers were answered, bc he was not a good person to her at all. from then on, she grew up to believe violence was the answer, and violence was needed in order to get what she wanted
- she first saw you while watching players get their id photos taken, and your anxious and hesitant manner got her attention. what is this feeling she's experiencing right now...?
- her eyes gravitate towards you, even in a crowded room. minjeong feels a strange sense of protectiveness over you as you find a bed to sleep on, away from the others. her eyes gloss over with want as she obsessively watches you sleeping, chest rising up and down in your deep slumber. you must've cursed her because she stood in the security room all night, rooted to her spot. she's come to a conclusion, she has to have you.
- during the game where you had to take the marbles away from another player, using no force, you find yourself feeling sorry for the old man you were playing against. i mean, you only joined these games as a final resort, so if you die, it's what you would have wanted anyway. winter, on the other hand, was NOT going to let that happen.
- she orders the guard to not kill you, but after the game finished, bring you to her instead. her heart is pounding quickly, and her breathing has quickened. she would finally get what she wanted. a taste of you, your touch, your beautiful voice and your compassion for others, minjeong was ecstatic that she would have it ALL to herself..
NINGNING, □
- the detective who snuck in when she found out that her sister went missing. she killed a guard and took his clothing so she can investigate the place
- her plans quickly go to waste when she sees you while watching the cameras, your purity shining bright amongst the other players. she finds out that you came here to find the money to pay for your brother's university and for the massive debt you had, and ning makes it her mission to protect you <3
- quickly becomes hooked onto you, cooing as she sees you cowering from the guards whose guns point to your heads as you try to carve the designated shapes in the honeycomb cookies. she totally forgot her original mission, now she's here just for you
- once the night comes, she watches, in pain, as you scream and run from the mob who tries to kill as many players as they could, her fist shaking, fingernails drawing blood from her palm. she wishes she could help, but has to wait for orders from the head
- she decides that it's time for her to leave, but not without you. when the right time comes, she slips you a note, saying that she could help you escape, with the money, if you wanted. the two of you make a quick plan during your trips to the toilet, and you can't help but feel an immense gratitude for ningning. whatever would you do without her?
- once ning murders all the VIPs in cold blood, disgusting etched into her soft features, she quickly secures a suitcase containing millions of won. though it might not be the billions that were promised, it's better than nothing. she throws in some expensive items that the VIPs owned, and knocks twice on the room where the players stayed. successful in your joint mission, you both go through a secret pathway, and hop onto a boat that harboured nearby.
- fast forward to 2 years from now, ningning has won your love as well. after escaping to jeju island, she was surprised to see that you seemed to reciprocate her feelings, your plump lips landing on hers. not only has she secured a generation of money, but she also earned your affections <33
in case anyone wants the pictures, here they are!!!
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ning is so baby here.. she cannot look intimidating for the life of her
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evansbby · 5 months ago
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an update from me :)
hey everyone, i know i haven’t been very active on here lately. and the reason is because a lot of things in my life have changed. i’ve been debating even sharing this but i feel like i’m in a good enough position to be okay with sharing it.
so these past two years, i had been super active on here (late 2022- early 24) and that was because, well, I didn’t really have anything else. that’s because I had graduated in 2022 and then i just couldn’t find a job in my field. like so many other recent graduates, it was just so hard and tough and it really made me lose all faith in myself.
i found myself to be in the worst mental state i had ever been. I cut myself off from my friends, felt like a burden towards my family, was having meltdowns and panic attacks almost daily, even started eating unhealthily and was just overall in a very bad place.
HOWEVER, i always felt like I could come on tumblr and that’s why i was so active and writing all these stories because honestly, they were almost like a crutch to me. like the ONE thing i had to look forward to in life during those times was the feedback I’d get when i posted a fic, and honestly it’s what kept me going. like i swear to god, on some days this blog and community was the only thing that i had to look forward to and keep me going, and writing felt like such a huge escape.
because i felt so USELESS. like i was wasting my life and not making any money or being able to kickstart my career after uni, and that it would be like this forever, so when I was writing it actually felt like I was doing something with a purpose. honestly on some days I would literally wake up early and go sit in Starbucks all day just writing my fics like i was cosplaying working or something just so I’d have a purpose. (I don’t go to Starbucks anymore lol boycott)
anyways, i never shared this on tumblr these past few years bc you guys don’t understand what a failure i felt like. i would sometimes get asks on here asking what i did for a job and I’d feel so embarrassed of my current state of being unable to find a job when it felt like everyone else who had graduated with me had one and obtained one so easily. like i felt ASHAMED.
i remember once i got an ask asking what my job was and I just said “fashion marketing” bc that was one of the things i wanted to do and id done an internship in that field so i just put that but it was a LIE i was unemployed and the most depressed ive been in my whole life but I thought maybe i could manifest it.
ANYWAYS, and you’ve probably already guessed it, but the reason I’m not so active anymore is because I did eventually find a job. a really good one that I’m enjoying so much and I’m so happy at. Finally, I’m feeling like myself again, like I’m living that life in London as a twenty something that I’d see everyone on tiktok living!! Like I’m finally just having fun, going out with friends, being active, having money to spend on fun things etc.
and it feels so surreal and crazy because when i was depressed and jobless, it made me doubt myself so much. Like the constant rejections and failed interviews made me doubt myself and lowered my self esteem so much and I thought I’d NEVER achieve this life that i have now! And I don’t want to jinx it but I literally thank God every day for finally granting me this because I really feel like I would’ve gotten worse and worse and IDEK.
But back to the main point, and so because of my new job I just don’t have that much time for tumblr anymore. But this isn’t a goodbye post… not at all! I find that when I’m super busy in life is also when I get the most motivated to write! Like for example in summer 2022 I was on here so much and that was the summer I had the most fun, was the most busy. I think when I’m busy in life, I get motivated to write.
Which I believe is the case right now, because I’m SO motivated to complete all my stories, I keep thinking about them and writing them slowly, so please don’t think anything is abandoned! I just wanted to make this post to be more transparent about what’s been going on in my life and what had been going on these past two years. That maybe someone else going through something similar can see that eventually, everything does work out.
Anddd I don’t really know how to end this. I just want to say, yall don’t understand just how thankful I am for having this blog, this platform, to write my stories. For having you guys. Because who knows how much worse my mental state would’ve been these past two years when I didn’t have ANYTHING else going for me, if I hadn’t had this blog it would’ve been so much worse.
Thank you so much for believing in me and enjoying my stories and always always letting me know how much you enjoy them. And I’ll say the truth; I know everyone says that engagement on tumblr has been bad lately but I can say that bc of you guys I have literally never EVER had this issue. And that’s not me being big headed, that’s just the truth and it makes me so happy and grateful. Yall always came through for me and still do now! Every time I think my fic is going to flop, you guys come through for me. I appreciate it so much. You guys have no idea how much you helped me when I was at my lowest. And continue to.
Many thanks
Me 🩷🩷🫶🏼🫶🏼
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aomine-ryo · 2 years ago
Note
i remember seeing this awhile back but imagine aomine fucking kaijos sweet little manager… id go mad if i was kise bc imagine ur best friend getting ucm by ur rival id be sick teehee LOL
The pure thought of this drives me feral. Had to write a long ass scenario about this omg. Hope you like it bc I definitely liked writing it!! xx
Scenario: Aomine fucking Kaijo’s fem!manager (nsfw)
- all characters are aged up
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“Kise, you’re so rude.”
You watched as Touou’s ace, Aomine Daiki, wandered over to you and Kise before a practice match you had organised against the team. He slickly swung his arm around Kise’s shoulder and shifted his body weight onto him, making Kise stumble to regain his balance.
“Huh? Rude?” Kise furrowed his brows.
Aomine’s eyes met yours and softened as the most insufferable smirk spread across his face. “You never told me how adorable your manager is— so rude.”
You felt the colour rise to your cheeks as you averted your gaze out of embarrassment.
Kise lightly elbowed Aomine’s stomach as he clicked his tongue in annoyance, Aomine wincing as he did so. “Shut up, Aomine. Our manager is off limits,” Kise snapped.
“Well that’s no fun. Although I won’t believe it until I hear it from her,” he said, looking over to you.
“Don’t you have a warmup to get to? You might need it,” you replied, avoiding the subject altogether; you were always a bad liar.
“How boring, but I’ll take your word for it, Y/N,” Aomine smiled as he started walking back over to his team’s bench. “Don’t slack off this time, Kise!” He called out as he strode off.
“What an asshole,” Kise mumbled, but it was clear he missed this kind of banter with Aomine.
“I know this is a practice game but I’d really appreciate it if you’d kick his ass,” you said to Kise, though your eyes were fixated on the navy-haired boy. You watched as he threw a few practice shots, all perfectly swishing the net— he made it look too easy. He lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead, but from what you could tell, there was absolutely no need for him to do that; he wasn’t even sweating. It was almost as if he was putting on a show for you— giving you a glimpse of the perfectly toned abs that could make you salivate at the thought of.
“Y/N?” Kise sang, waving his hand in front of your face to snap you out of it. You hadn’t even realised he’d been talking until now.
“Huh?” You blinked, directing your gaze back to Kise.
“You alright?” He asked, trying to figure out what had you so invested. Your gaze seemed to have led to Aomine but it surely wasn’t that— it was just Aomine.
“Yeah I’m alright. Just zoned out, sorry. What were you saying?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head, not wanting to start his rant about Aomine all over. “I’m gonna go back to the warmup though.”
You hummed and nodded in response, watching as he ran back to the rest of the team before returning your gaze to Aomine. However, you felt you heart do a little flip when a pair of blue eyes met yours in return. Aomine was looking straight back at you and your instinct to look away instantly kicked in, your eyes wandering everywhere else around the court.
You quickly absorbed yourself in your manager duties instead to distract you from Aomine. Before you knew it, it was game time and your attention completely shifted to Kaijo’s gameplay. Of course, every now and then you’d just be in awe of the way Aomine played, but Kise was just as good. By the last quarter, it was really anyone’s game. Unfortunately, it just seemed to be Touou’s day as they ended up winning with a two point lead.
“That was a good game, Kise— you really did improve since the last game,” you consoled Kise with a sweaty hug as he made his way over to the bench.
“Really?” Kise asked, tone full of hope as he plopped down in his seat, completely winded.
“Yes really. Besides, it’s good that it was a practice game because now we know what we need to improve on when we actually play them in the winter.”
“Yeah I guess—“
“Oi Kise,” a deep voice cut him off as you felt an arm swing around your shoulders. “That was actually a fun game,” beamed Aomine.
“You’re only saying that because you won,” Kise rolled his eyes as he took a sip out of his water bottle.
“Nah you actually had me questioning myself back there, I can’t lie,” he replied genuinely, though he was now simply using you as something to lean on.
“Mhm sure. Can you get off of Y/N-cchi now? You’re obviously making her uncomfortable by leaning on her with your sweaty ass— she’s just too polite to say anything,” Kise spoke for you. However, you didn’t mind all that much. Yes, he was sweaty but you were not complaining about how close he was to you.
“Nah she loves having me around,” Aomine smiled as he leaned in so close to your ear that you could feel his breath on your skin, “don’t you?”
Shudders swam through your body as colour rose in your cheeks once more. You wanted to say something witty back but your mind seemed to have drawn a blank.
“Stop being weird, Aominecchi,” Kise clicked his tongue in annoyance, but Aomine kept his arm around you.
“Surely I should get a prize for winning, right Y/N?” He smiled, not taking his eyes off you. You hated this. You hated how he got you weak in the knees simply with the way your name rolled off his tongue. You hated how there were so many people around you right now because all you wanted to do was rip the clothes off his stupidly hot body.
“She’s not an object to win, quit it,” Kise snapped again. It almost felt like he was giving the answers for you because in any normal situation that’s exactly what you’d say. But it was almost like you were in a trance.
Aomine sighed as he straightened himself and took his arm off of you. “Calm down Kise, I’m just messing around. I’m gonna go shower. Catch you later,” he said dapping Kise up before turning to walk away. Once again, you caught yourself watching his every move, except this time Aomine felt it. He turned his torso ever so slightly to meet your eyes and gave you a wink before heading off. How is it that if any other man did that to you you’d immediately throw up, but with him your stomach does a thousand little happy flips?
“You know if you ever feel uncomfortable with him just say the word and I won’t hesitate to kick him in the balls right?” Kise informed you, the utmost seriousness in his tone.
You just gave him a light chuckle in response, “Noted.”
Once Kise headed in to shower and freshen up, you too decided to head to the bathroom because you desperately needed a moment alone to gather your thoughts. You locked the door behind you and just stared at yourself in the mirror before letting out the deepest sigh. You knew you were supposed to be focusing on your team but all you could think about was Kise’s stupid rival. Why’d he have to be so hot?
You shook it off and rinsed your hands. It was over now. You wouldn’t be seeing him until the next match and that was a good month away. You’ll be over it by then.
You gathered yourself and stepped out the washroom, only to find Aomine who just so happened to be walking down that hallway. Talk about timing.
“Y/N! Did you follow me here? As flattered as I am, it is a bit stalker-ish don’t you think?” Aomine grinned as he walked up to you.
“I was just using the washroom. As if I’d stalk someone like you,” you retorted, eyes immediately meeting the floor.
“Oh really? So it wasn’t you that was watching me all throughout my warmup?” He questioned, his voice softening but you could hear the absolute shit-eating grin he had on his face.
Your brain scrambled to try and find the words to deny it.
“Look at you now, you can’t even look me in the eye,” he muttered, his pointer finger reaching under your chin to pivot your head upward. His face was now inches away from yours and his deep blue eyes had a sinister look in them that made you want to melt right then and there.
You waited expectantly. Surely he was going to kiss you— you weren’t complaining. There’s no way he’d come this close to your face without doing a single thing, right?
His grin grew wider, almost as if he could read your mind. “I’m not going to kiss you,” he said simply and your expression visibly dropped.
“Huh?” Was all you could muster out.
“If you want it, you have to make the first move,” he said in what was barely a whisper.
He knew what he was doing. He knew he had you wrapped around his finger. He knew you wanted him just as much as he wanted you— you just wouldn’t admit it.
Your emotions seemed to take over your brain as your eyes remained fixated on his lips. They were right there. All logic was thrown out the window as the scent of his freshly-showered body made its way into your lungs. You felt yourself inching closer and closer like he was a magnet, your lips eventually crashing onto his as you pushed your body against him. Aomine was warm. Every part of your body was inviting— or rather, begging him for more. But he pulled himself away from the kiss.
“You realise anyone could walk down this hallway right?” Aomine said softly, eyes full of lust.
You let out a sigh before pulling him into the washroom and locking the door. “Better?” You said sarcastically, back pressed against the door as you looked up at him confidently.
“Perfect,” he breathed, pressing his lips against yours once more, except this time with more vigour. His arms snaked around your waist, hands shifting lower and lower as his tongue made its way into your mouth, your underwear feeling damper under your skirt.
Without even pulling away, Aomine lifted you up from the back of your thighs so your legs were straddling his hips. You couldn’t help but moan into the kiss as you felt his hardening member grind against you through his sweatpants. Aomine’s lips began to make its way down to your neck, sucking and gnawing at your skin as you tried your best to keep quiet. The taller boy could hear your heavy breaths in his ear and it was admittedly making him even harder. “Tell me what you want,” he breathed in between the kisses on your neck.
“I want you,” you moaned, your sweet voice sending shivers down his spine as it took everything in him to not just rip your clothes off.
“You want me to what?” He asked, pulling away from your neck to meet your eyes.
“I-I want you to fuck me,” you mumbled shamelessly, creating the biggest smirk on Aomine’s face. He quickly pulled his shirt off before helping you take yours off, both of you taking moments to admire what was in front of you.
The navy haired boy set you down and pulled you over to the counter, placing himself behind you as he looked into your eyes through the mirror. His left hand had a firm grip on your chest while his right hand made its way under your skirt, fingers having a feel around you through your soaked panties. “My god, what would Kise think if he knew that Kaijo’s sweet little manager was this wet for their rival?” Aomine hummed, one finger easily sliding into you.
You let out a gasp as he began moving his finger in and out of you, adding a second one in not too soon after. With the way everything had been building up, the absolute pleasure you felt when Aomine fucked his fingers into you was inexplicable. The moans you let out were absolutely sinful; Aomine was rather shocked to find out that someone as innocent-looking as you could be completely undone like this.
“Oh fuck, Aomine,” you moaned, feeling a familiar tightness in your stomach.
“Cumming already? What an absolute slut you are for me, princess. Go on then,” he smirked, moving his fingers faster as you let yourself go.
Aomine took his fingers out of you, soaking in your essence as you took deep breaths to recompose yourself. He pulled the waistband off his sweatpants and underwear down just enough to relieve his now throbbing member out of its confines. He pumped it up and down a few times before beginning to rub himself around your entrance. He let out a heavy breath as he felt the heat and wetness of your pussy on him.
You needed more of him. But he kept teasing you— lining himself right up at your entrance pushing just the tip in before pulling it out. You whined in desperation.
“What is it, princess? Tell me,” Aomine grinned, enjoying the power he had over you a little too much.
“I need you so bad please just fuck me,” you whined.
“So desperate for me how sweet,” he smiled, pushing his full length into you without hesitation as you let out a moan so loud he had to put a hand over your mouth. He pulled your torso up so his mouth was right next to your ear and you watched him through the mirror. “As beautiful as your moans are for me, we can’t really risk being caught now, can we? Unless of course you want everyone to know what a slut Kaijo’s manager is?” he whispered, dick buried deep inside you, stretching you open. “Do you want that?”
You shook your head no.
“That’s what I thought. So shut it,” he said menacingly as he moved his hand from your mouth and bent you over the counter. He slowly began to slide his member out before slamming it right back in again and you did your very best to not make a sound. But as he kept repeating the motion, you couldn’t help but let out soft moans of pleasure.
“F-Faster, please,” you whined, meeting the eyes that were watching you struggle under him through the mirror with a big smirk on his face.
“As you wish, princess.” Aomine picked up the pace instantly, his skin slapping against yours so rapidly that the bathroom echoed with the sound. It was now impossible to not let out any moans as you felt Aomine hit spots you didn’t think were possible. As if you weren’t stimulated enough, you felt one of his hands reach down to your clit, drawing circles on it at such a pace that you had to cover your own mouth from screaming in pleasure.
Meanwhile, Aomine watched how you melted into his touch in the mirror. Admiring your efforts to minimise the noises you made, all while inflating his ego over the fact that it was him that was making you feel this way. He could feel you clenching tightly around his dick, slowly beginning to reach his climax too.
“You wanna cum, don’t you, princess?” Aomine panted as he kept thrusting into you.
“Mhm,” you nodded as you kept your mouth sealed with your own hand.
“Use your words,” he demanded, the pure dominance he had over you sending you closer and closer towards the edge.
“Yes! I’m going to cum. Please can I cum?” you don’t know what washed over you to ask for his permission like that.
Aomine chuckled at the request. “God what a polite little slut you are. Of course you can cum. Cum all over my dick for me, princess,” he said sweetly, stimulating your clit as he felt you convulse around his length, sweet little moans and profanities leaving your lips as you did so.
The sight alone had him reaching his edge too, hot, white cum shooting into you as he rode himself down from his high, slowly pulling himself out of you as he watched your gaping hole drip with the mess he made. He moved your panties back over to cover your modesty before getting himself back into order.
“You know, I didn’t strike you to be the filthy kind, princess,” Aomine smiled as he tossed you your shirt.
“Don’t call me that,” you snapped, the sweet nickname just rubbing in the fact that you were like putty in his hands.
“What? Princess?” He chuckled. “No can do, I know you like it when I call you that.”
“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes.
Both of you stepped out the bathroom into the (thankfully) empty hallway and began to head out together. You checked your phone and found 3 missed calls from Kise. What on earth were you supposed to tell him?
As you and Aomine stepped out of the school gates, you were greeted by Kise, was standing there waiting. “Kise! I just saw your calls, sorry I totally missed them!” You apologised immediately. You didn’t expect to see him this soon before you could even think of an excuse.
“Y/N-cchi where have you been? And why the hell is he with you?” Kise questioned, glaring at Aomine.
“Calm down dumbass. We just bumped into each other on the way out,” Aomine lied calmly. “I’m gonna head back home. You guys need a ride?”
“No thanks,” Kise answered immediately.
“Cool. See you later then, princess,” Aomine grinned at you before turning on his heel to walk away, leaving you a blushing mess. “By the way try to beat me next time Kise, I’m getting tired of winning!” he joked.
“Shut up!” Kise snapped, sticking his tongue out to mock him even though Aomine had his back towards him.
You made up an excuse about needing to go up to the staff room to help the coach out with something when Kise finally questioned you and it seemed to work out. It was better he didn’t know about you and Aomine because you knew he’d just lose his mind over it.
Over the next two weeks, you kept in contact with Aomine. It started with just flirty messages over text but it quickly became a regular occurrence for you to meet him at night for a hookups in his car or his house whenever his parents were out. You hated to admit it, but the sexual chemistry between you two was no joke. Moreover, the fact that you had to keep it hidden just made it ten times more exciting.
There was one evening you were hanging out at Kise’s house. You were meant to be doing homework but that got thrown out the window when Kise got distracted on TikTok, pulling you down the rabbit hole with him. So both of you were just laying on his bed in silence, scrolling through your phones.
meet me out front in 5?
A text from Aomine.
y/n: I can’t rn. At Kise’s x
aomine: okay i’ll pick you up from his then
y/n: that desperate? 😭
aomine: only for you princess <3
You couldn’t help but smile like a fucking idiot at the words that were on your screen as you typed a reply.
y/n: so cringe
“Why are you smiling so much?” Kise questioned, snapping you out of your conversation.
“Hm? It’s nothing, just thought of something funny while scrolling,” you said as you exited the messaging app and returned to TikTok. “Also I’ll probably head home in a bit,” you informed him.
“Alright,” Kise nodded. He shifted closer to you and just started watching the TikToks on your phone because he was bored of his. It was a normal occurrence for the two of you to do this at some point in the evening— one of you would get bored and watch the other person’s TikToks and then complain about how shit their sense of humour is— the same old same old.
You seemed to lose track of time while laughing along with Kise to the point where you had completely forgotten about Aomine. That was until a text banner popped up at the top of your screen with Aomine’s name asking “are you out yet?”
You immediately pushed the banner away but it was too late because both of you had read the message. Kise furrowed his brows at you.
“Aomine? What is Aominecchi doing texting you?”
“Huh? It’s nothing, we just randomly started talking after the practice match, that’s all,” you said, unable to make something up because the proof said otherwise.
“You’re talking to Aomine? What does ‘are you out yet’ mean? IS HE WAITING OUTSIDE FOR YOU?” Kise exclaimed loudly once he connected the dots. He immediately began to march towards his window.
“It’s not that serious—“
“THAT’S HIS CAR!” Kise cut you off.
“Kise, you need to calm down—“
“No, the three of us are going to have a fun little conversation—“
“No we aren’t.”
“Yes we are. Come on,” Kise dragged you by your arm and stepped outside, marching towards Aomine’s car.
The navy haired boy rolled down the window with a smug smile on his face. “Hey Kise, how’s it going?” he said nonchalantly.
“What are you doing with Y/N?” He interrogated immediately, making you want to crawl in a hole and die.
“Hey now, you’re making Y/N uncomfortable, look at her,” Aomine chuckled, giving you a sympathetic look and making Kise fume even more.
“Why are you hanging out with my best friend now?” Kise asked again.
“You sure you want the honest answer?” Aomine asked.
“Yes!”
“No!” You and Kise answered simultaneously.
Aomine looked over at you and his eyes softened. “Come on now, princess, we’re all adults here I’m sure Kise will understand.”
At this point you weren’t sure what Aomine’s intentions were. On one hand, you were sure he just wanted to clear the air because there was no point lying now. On the other hand, it seemed like he just wanted to see Kise react.
You sighed. You couldn’t escape this. “Fine tell him.”
“Well Kise, to put it simply, your sweet little manager here seems to know her way around my body extremely well—“
“Aomine!” You yelled to cut him off the awful way he was explaining it.
“What the actual fuck?” Was all Kise was able to mutter out.
“Okay listen Kise, I love you but I’ve been hiding this one little thing about my life because I wasn’t sure how you’d react— but Aomine and I have been hooking up,” you explained.
“Come on, that’s pretty much exactly what I was saying,” Aomine intervened and you just shot him a glare.
“You do realise he’s in our rival team right?” Kise said, still trying to process this information.
“Yes I know, but whatever happens on the court is different,” you replied.
“What, so you guys have just been fucking behind my back every day then?”
“Yeah pretty much so can you get over it now so we can get on with it?” Aomine sighed, trying to hurry this process along even though it was absolutely hysterical to him.
“Oh my god you’re not helping,” you snapped. “Are you okay, Kise?”
“What do you even see in him?” Kise asked, disgusted.
“I can show you too if you want, Kise, just give me a kiss,” Aomine joked as he puckered up his lips mockingly.
“I hate you,” Kise narrowed his eyes at Aomine.
“I love you too,” Aomine replied sweetly, blowing him a kiss. “Are you done crying now?”
Kise looked over at you. He seemed to be tired of entertaining Aomine. “I’m not happy about this but whatever.”
You gave Kise a tight hug. “I’m so sorry for lying to you.”
“Call me if he ever lays a finger on you without your consent,” Kise said, hugging you back as he shot a glare at Aomine.
“Oh no my timbers have been shivered,” Aomine said sarcastically and you had to swallow a chuckle.
“Fuck off Aominecchi. You’re not winning the next Kaijo game— Y/N-cchi’s gonna tell me everything,” Kise said as he began to walk back to his front door.
“If you say so,” Aomine brushed him off as you got into his car. He looked over at you softly, “You wouldn’t say a word, would you, princess?”
“I wouldn’t recommend you test that.”
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