#themes: religious abuse

[defire]

As an abuse survivor, you are just fetishizing child abuse. Plain and simple. Call it a coping mechanism or a power take-back all you want, but it's just an excuse to write porn about child abuse. I pity people like you, truly, I do. I can only pray that you eventually see a therapist about your internalized pedo behavior.

Cw: RANCID ask ⬆️

I'm so glad you brought this up because I don't like to speak for people like you--I'd rather combat these opinions directly.

Since you're praying, I'll feel free to make biblical allusions. (Tw)

First, the word "fetish". My opinion: I don't find fetishes or porn too helpful for processing trauma--it's more like exposure therapy. At some point you do need to actually grieve and process what happened. I don't judge those who do that (you're not hurting anybody♥️), but that's not what Survivor Fiction is for.

When you're judging whether something is bad or good, you can use the "tree by its fruits" concept. Basically, if a tree produces good fruit, it's a good tree. If it produces bad fruit, it's a diseased/bad tree.

So let's look at what Survivor Fiction does for survivors specifically.

It brings healing. I (a new author!) have already received five testimonies that have said how much my writing helped them move through some of their trauma and see things in a different, calmer way.

Survivor Fiction brings peace. A surprising amount of the community--90.5% in a poll involving 1,543 voters--use whump stories to go to sleep at night. (Many trauma survivors have difficulty sleeping from flashbacks. Fiction along the same lines can offer an appropriate sense of distance from the fear.)

It helps disabled people. It appears that a strong majority of our community is autistic. Part of the diagnosis is emotional dysregulation. We need to be walked through how to do things in great detail. Survivor Fiction often walks the reader through the process of trauma, reaction, ptsd, and recovery.

It spreads awareness. Survivor fiction is often more accurate to real-life abusive situations instead of glossing it over--in other words, LYING--about what goes on. This can bring a 3rd party perspective to a current victim too, giving them the understanding that they are being abused and need to escape if possible.

For a more thorough explanation of why fiction about survivors is good and necessary, see this post.

Okay, so would "bad fruit" look like? Do you see any of the following from our community? ↙️

Doing these things in real life

Being generally hurtful of others

Hurting children in real life

Harming emotions by pushing unwanted content to people who would be triggered by it? (Quite the opposite, we tend to post exhaustive content warnings before the content.)

Something else that's actually wrong and not just a thought crime?

And here's the fruit of your words, which I'm sure we all heard the jist of many times before:

You encourage covering up evil. Trying to hide fiction that more accurately describes pain, abuse, and PTSD means hiding the truth. Stifling the exposure of just how evil it is to abuse someone like this. The righteous walk in the light, but the wicked hide their deeds in the darkness.

Your words are shaming. Shame causes pain to fester and act out in harmful ways, such as repeating abuse cycles, self-harm, and dangerous overreactions. Christian ideology here--shame is what caused Adam and Eve to hide from God.

You are lying. You implied that we harm people in real life without any reason to think so. And also implied that we want to be in the aggressor's position. Generally speaking we identify most with the victim.

Referencing Christianity here, if you're christian--Your words condemn the Bible. The bible is full of stories much darker than most of what is written here. You'll read about rape, and the cannibalism of one's own children in Lamentations, among other things.

You're hurting yourself. You will be judged with the measure you judge others with. This is because if you judge others harshly for their thoughts, you'll instinctively judge yourself just as harshly. You end up hurting yourself and others over something that wasn't even doing any harm in the first place.

Causing confusion. What you said was illogical. If it's fiction where the damage occurs, we should be blaming the fictional aggressor--not the writer reporting it. If it's reality where the damage occurs, we should be blaming real criminals--not the journalist. The truth is that writing about survivors isn't generally harmful.

In short, you're creating a lot of problems and not helping. Did this ask come from a loving place?

This answer I'm giving, does.

[aphidclan-clangen]

part 2 out of 3

[fishersfall]

Procrastinated last night and drew some more edgy art of Travis :)

[nezumithewriter]

"WE DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU / HATE TO SEE YOU CRY, BUT..."

@jumalanpelko got me feeling things again and i'm being so brave about it

Lyrics come from "RGB by Secret Pie" go listen to it NYEOWWW!!!

[lemscipher]

this is my tfs horror au design for henry!! horror au doesnt really narrow it much so ill try to explain:

its a more psychological horror version of tfs i guess? henry is a very strict christian who believes that god is punishing him for his sins with divine power and immortality due to the scar on his hand being shaped like the cross; he believes he is a god to some extent (or rather a vessel to a higher god which in this case is the mindflayer). the animal killings are sacrifices to the mindflayer like in the og show, but instead all of the things/people henry have killed have a cross carved into their heads. virginia and victor are even worse in their aspects, victor resorts to many more unhealthy coping mechanisms not just alcoholism (he does drugs, shoots things when hes angry etc.), virginia is a lot worse, much more abusive and even tries to exorcise henry at one point. henry is traumatised by all of this and it leads to a lot of self hatred and thinking that god hates him, and when hes eventually sent to the lab he thinks brenner is trying to rid him of his divine connection and is a lot more hostile towards him (hes also quite scared as he doesnt want to be drugged and end up like his father), brenner probably splashes henry with holy water or sm idk. if you want more info on this au feel free to lmk!!

pls also any name ideas for this au are appreciated "horror" is really shit 😭😭

credits to @/2ds-sleeping-powder for the bandaid headcanon also

[beetlelegs2003]

Heather and “The Hum”

[winchesterlesbian]

I want to make a joke like "rip Sam Winchester you would have loved Nosferatu" but I'm gonna be real watching that movie would make Sam have a mental breakdown

[littlest-bugz]

[no images or poetry belong to me]

[peculiaritty]

Sunday character study/trauma study

Again! before i start this ramble there is tw for religious themes, abuse, mental illnesses (ocd especially) and grooming so please if you have any triggers regarding those please don't read ^^ 2.2 Penacony spoilers so please be warned and future leaks and/or theorys may be involved. NO future storyline leaks though. This might be split into parts- not sure! Things might be hyperlinked and these will count as my reference/evidence, theres no need to read them unless you're curious!! There might be a part two on this when Sunday does come out ! Edited 18/05 to correct mistakes/add things i forgot about it OK. Lets begin: GOD. Poor Sunday, i think a lot of people has seen Sunday's abuse unnoticed, and i honestly can't blame some people because sometimes we don't automatically pick up everything unless we are actively looking for something. Sunday is a very interesting character, and i don't necessarily think he is 'evil-evil' per say, he is more of a morally grey character rather than being right up evil. Some major pointers i want to bring up and will be discussed: -> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA dreammaster. -> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes -> Sunday/robins ideologies -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!)

-> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA Dreammaster.

The most clear thing we can see as of right now without any reading between lines- Robin and Sundays bond. They care for eachother very much, we know that Sunday is the eldest brother, we already know that from right off the bat, that he is indeed the protector of Robin. Such as any older sibling usually feels towards those born after them. Sunday in no doubt in my mind has firstborn syndrome, basically the main 'burden-holder' between the two. This is the first fact we need to understand before we delve in. Due to Sundays natural-protectiveness of his sister that leaves Sunday at the face/brunt of Gophers ideals, which means sacrificing himself at any cost. Which may be why Robin remains currently unaffected or/not as self-destructive as Sunday. One thing that is easily skipped over and not noticed, Gopher and Sunday share a completely transactional-non-familial bond as they seem to not have the common father-son bond what so ever, Sunday only refers to Gopher as master which hints at the wedge between them. Gopher has ever only inspired and encouraged Sundays pessimistic behavior, such as when the Charmony Dove fell, we can assume that both Sunday and robin are extremely young at the time, i position them to be around 6-8, while at this age children do start to grasp that death in permanent, in no way should a child i quote be saying anything along the lines of "i think people believe birds are meant to fly...because they've never seen those birds crashing to their death." while this 'kind voice' (Gopher) does seem unbiased and passive, there is no reason unless you have actively convinced and taught a child to think that way. While children do come to gain their own beliefs, and ideals, siblings usually remain with the same ideas and beliefs until they reach around 10-12 where puberty starts. The belief gap at such a young age between Robin and Sunday is too big for it to be just "growing up" most if not all children take joy in being naïve- and cheerful. it is only when we come to abused, groomed, depressed and neglected children we start to see such pessimistic behavior. Sunday does have first-born child syndrome, it is also a bit of a worry of how stoic and 'unfeeling' he is. He doesn't confine in anyone, and while yes, we could say this is normal- but in normal, healthy environments people always have someone to confine in. Sunday doesn't have that. This could purely be just his personality- as some people are simply coded that way. It just strikes differently when we compare Child Sunday unto his adult self, as seen in Robins trailer BOTH of them had artistic aspirations, and even though there is no 'heavy' implication, that one tear indicates to me that Sunday was indeed the more emotional one. Growing out of hobbies is normal, but Sunday is lacking of life, he generally looks lifeless. He could've grown out of them, but what I read between the lines is extreme shaming and guilt. The need to be 'perfect'. Just so he could be the 'sun' in the sky and maybe even please Gopher.

Another thing to point out- his OCD yes. This is another thing that is hidden but only few people have found. In this scenario i am not fond of actually just saying its because of his connection to Ena. i am more fond- and find it much more reasonable that it has impacted and grown from his trauma. While i will not clarify which i believe he has since thats leaning more into headcanon territory. Unhealthy childhood environments and events predispose and increase the risk of various psychiatric disorders and OCD is one of them. It is clear that Sunday has been indoctrinated and been taught to think the way he does now. The family is cultish and it doesn't seem to act as one, everyone has their own ideals- and motives, including Gopher. Grooming does not have to be sexual in order for it to be considered grooming, grooming is defined as when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. In this scenario, Gopher has essentially groomed Sunday to exploit him and use him as a sacrifice. Groomed and abused, religious abuse seems to be a big one in this especially considering the huge religious imagery in Penacony, but it is important to point out some common symptoms of religious abuse is doubtful faith and compulsive perfectionism which resemble in Sunday. Most times, religious abuse is often paired with other forms of abuse, most commonly being sexual grooming and emotional abuse. This does not leave other forms of abuse out such as physical however. Gopher has 'trained' Sunday to think this way (Sundays ideaology), and indoctrinated him for his own use, and you can see it in Sundays extreme ways of dealing with his belief. there is clear there's an external force in his thinking- Gopher.

-> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes To continue, the family- as again, all have very different ideals, and motivations in Penacony. They act as completely separate entities yet still collaborate with each other. One thing remains crystal clear to me, that this family- follows a royal family sort of dynamic, where everything is hushed, you mustn't be too emotional, or too illogical. Basically coming to the point where Sunday has directly been told to not worry about Robin. He was never allowed to grieve. He is not allowed to grieve which is a horrid thing to be put through. Even when Gopher does deliver the news of Robin being shot there is a lack of care, and concern, he sounds non-chalant, going on to mention, "once you've attended to your outstanding tasks…" In any family emergency of sorts, that's the last thing you want to be told, you want to be there as soon as possible. Gopher wood simply does not have enough care, or concern for both of his 'children.' While this is my pure assumption, i do have reason to believe that the Family does share a rather cold dynamic, such as any other usual dynamic that is seen in stories where there is a political, rich, or royal family.

lack of care towards children, and moreso encouraging less 'child-like' traits

Parental figures primarily not being involved in the childs care, it is most likely that both Robin and Sunday were raised by the servants of the house, while Gopher remained some sort of mentor towards the both of them.

Isolation from other children in different life scenarios/circumstances

- Most often, children in these scenarios get put into a protective bubble, unaware of the outside. henceforth, another reasoning why Sunday might be so scared of the outside world. -> Sunday/Robins ideologies Both of them are entirely separate eachother belief wise, but they have one goal in mind. Helping people. I would describe Robins ideals as being quite idealistic and soft, that has come to her naturally, and its quite sweet. she wants world where people can live how they want. Even if its a bad one. Sunday on the otherhand quite thinks the opposite, i would describe his as: 'To protect everyone, keep them safe from pain, and suffering, their freedom of choice must be taken so they will suffer no longer, even if that means sacrificing all that i have.' This comes on very intense, as he does you know. send an entire star system to sleep!! But, His idea isn't exactly wrong. As in those questions he posed to us- we would've done the same if we were in the same scenario. Of course- if one of our siblings we knew were going to get shot in the future because of the path they chose- we would do our best to do that. It makes sense. But logically, and emotionally speaking, it is not in our best interest to control other lives and what they wish for, and what they dream for. What does Sunday want? Nothing. he is entirely swallowed with trying to help other people. He has no dream for himself. His dream- is others peoples dreams. What Sunday wanted, out of the goodness of his own heart, and the unfortunate abuse he has been put through, essentially what we call a utopia/dystopia. IT IS utopian to think of a world without pain, with harmony, where everyone is happy. But because of our nature as people, we want choice. so to us IT IS dystopian to think of a world were we have no choice, were we live on autopilot always content. He seeks escape, and he's not ashamed of it. The most common reason people seek escape, is because they're scared. They are scared of facing what they need to face. He is scared, he does not wish to see pain and suffering, he knows and purely thinks things are doomed from the start. Its almost nihilistic. And i understand it. paired with his childhood, Gopher and how he gets stuck in the confessional box hearing the most horrendous things, i would be like him too. "is this apart of your plan?" It is Gopher who brought the order to Penacony. That line above, implies that this wasn't Sunday's plan at all. Gopher was going to use Robin in the first place, but Sunday, again, being the oldest took the forefront of the indoctrination and abuse- thats how he now blindly believes in it. Gophers plans and his reason why hasn't been revealed. but i doubt it was because he genuinely cared for his people. It is depressing to see who Sunday is as a person, purely pessimistic, and so lost but obsessed with his belief, but to me and other people he is relatable; to him, things don't get better. he wants to stay in the moment. Suspended in a dream that is too perfect to be true. He seeks escape, escape for everyone. Things do get better, whether that is now, or later. We just need to keep trying and continuing on, no matter how tiring it is. -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!) UP TO MY FAVOURITE BIT!! ok, heres something that genuinely makes me want to explode, because if this is on purpose it is brilliant. Pointed out by Matchua and i actually think the first to notice it. his wings look clipped.

They don't seem very oval and/or similar to how normal bird wings would look. This can also be seen in Harmony MC's splash art too, the Raven being Sunday, and of course, the Charmony dove, Robin.

While the birdcage imagery is used on Robin, i think it is so damn powerful that if this is a deliberate design choice, that Sunday has been clipped. Depending on the clipping, it renders birds unable to fly until they grow back, and even then there is horrendous people out there who permanently injure the bird by clipping it wrong so its never able to fly again. A birdcage has a key. But once you take away a birds wings like that, it cant fly. It represents how Sunday can never seemingly become his normal self again, he will always be consumed by his pessimism and fear for the world around him. how there is seemingly 'no hope' We know that Robin is not clipped because in her skill her full wings pop out (even if this is just an effect...still) It also represents how damaging abuse is, how it takes away someones dignity and freedom. Religious imagery!! i'm sure you can find some super deep dives into it but i think one of the main things is how Sunday represents Jesus from the Christian bible. The thorns across his coat tie in deeply with the fact that on the crucifix, Jesus was given a thorn crown which was used to belittle and mock him. Sunday falls back in the crucifix pose. He is the sacrifice. Not exactly to purge them of sin, but to give them an Eternal paradise. (which in Christianity, is what the purging of sin does, it gives us an eternal paradise next to God.) Headcanons: -> i believe Sundays OCD to either be of the Religious, Harm or Order OCD. i see all three occurring, but rather more on the Order/Religious side. -> Sunday is a people pleaser, no buts!! -> He has alot of shame and self hatred towards himself for wanting things, as he believes it doesn't make him 'perfect' -> He strikes me to have some form of anxiety, again this can tie in with the OCD -> His small/awkward chuckles are just him trying to cope, i feel like he does it alot more when he is anxious though, towards the end of the quest he doesn't chuckle, which officially means hes lost it (lmao poor guy) -> Very scared of making mistakes. Really small ones too. (as you find in some abuse victims.) -> jealous of his sister but he could never come to hate her, he just wishes he was able to participate in being creative too but i do think he was shamed for that, for being 'childish'. Robin was the 'jewel' of the family. Sunday never was. -> as some abuse victims do, he probably never understood or came to understand that Gopher was abusive to him, maybe after 2.2 possibly. And when he does come to understand God. He's got a lot of healing to do in himself. A lot of anger, grief, sadness- tons of processing. -> He doesn't like hugs at first because he was really not hugged as a child, but when he does get hugged it absolutely destroys him because he really really loves being validated and being held. Something that he lacked so much as a child. -> As birds do when their stressed, Sunday plucks the feathers out of his wings, which leads to him being insecure about them so he never really shows them, which is why he keeps them neatly folded Infront of his waist and hides the back part of his wings with his coat. -> Forgets to eat, drink and bathe due to working so much. He gets so lost in his work he's probably stayed up for more than 48 hours. (ok like i know its the dreamscape but listen.) -> I didn't add this into the first part, but including all of the other things i mentioned, Sunday was alot more quiet/introverted as a child as i interpret him to be, while Robin was more of a blabbermouth. So thats why Gopher decided on Sunday instead, lesser chance of anyone finding out about what he was teaching. -> Never had a day of rest in his life. He needs a break. That's pretty much all i've got to say though (i'm going to spare you from my headcanons i have on his behaviors. that list is LONG.), i just think Sunday is a really interesting yet heartbreaking character at the same time. Very relatable to alot of people. He's not genuinely evil. Just severely misguided and hurt. Thx for reading <3

[8-rae-rae-8]

So

A Perfect Circle

I am desperately in need to hear your thoughts on Judith, because it's SO BEAR as the addressee of the lyrics

Also, Thomas as his attempts to keep his faith, wdyt

DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. Gonna be a LONG post. Bear with me, pun intended

Okay I have Judith on both of their playlists for almost completely different reasons. I'll get to Thomas once I'm finished with my extensive yap session on Judith

Talking about Alex AND Bear because I have thoughts about Judith for both of them first

For Alex, I was thinking more something along the lines of the way he idolized Rip, and the way he thought of his mother.

See, I'm not immune to giving characters strained relationships with religion (growing up Catholic and Christian would do that to you). And though you see Alex doesn't have any bad blood with religion in the times Bear mentions his faith outside of him saying he essentially doesn't believe in it, I like to think he grew up in a passively religious household. With a mother who tried to tell him that prayer would fix things, despite it never doing anything. It always became some kind of excuse or a reason Alex wasn't allowed to do something because 'god wouldn't have wanted him to'/'what would god think about that?'. And, of course, Alex never believed in any of that. It only made him angry especially as a teenager when his mother would say over and over that they just didn't pray enough, or go to church enough, and that's why god never helped them.

But, ALSO, on the same page with Alex's mother...

These lyrics:

"You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be"

That specifically is what started me thinking about him and his mother, because it's mentioned that in that one interview (though we don't know to what extremes) she abused him. Growing up with that, framing everything he knew as a kid, taking away small things while having him tip-toe around in fear of a reaction or punishment.

But there's also the way abusers will treat themselves as all holy and above their victim. Kids need their parents, and if their needs aren't met and they're neglected, their minds fill it in with how it must be their own fault they aren't loved—while begging for a parent to see them. So...

"How you're savior has abandoned you"

"Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed, He did it all for you"

And then something a little similar for the way I think about it with Alex and Rip

The betrayal of seeing Rip get lost to addiction and then him killing that kid, when Alex saw him as something far more than just a leader. That all crumbling down the more he watches Rip get exceedingly more lost, more angry and hateful.

"oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you"

But there's that voice reminding him how much Rip sacrificed for him, for the team.

"He did it all for you"

Also, dare I say...

"He did it all for you" but it's Bear saving Alex's life over and over

Okay now to Bear because I have MANY feelings about it and it'll probably be far less coherent

I adore his writing throughout the show SO goddamn much. Questioning everything so much and being so sure he's let down a god he's starting to lose faith in. GOD it's so good.

But actually onto the song bit before I get off track too much

Obviously we're gonna start with the beginning

"oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you"

Sarah's death, failure to give Lena the kid she wanted, Rip being kidnapped, Buckley dying, being unable to generally protect his team, Alex's TBI, Lena's death. The list, I swear, it just keeps going. He has never had a day of peace in his life. He can pray as much as he wants, go to church, go to confession, but it never made a difference, did it? Death follows him, he kills everything he loves.

"fuck your god, your lord, your christ (he did this)"

The anger of never being helped and saved the way he prayed over and over. The hatred for the way he can do everything right, and it still always falls through. Someone gets hurt, he loses another piece of him.

"took all you had, and (left you this way). Still you pray, never stray, never (never taste of the fruit)"

No matter how much he gives, how many times his knees hit the kneelers in the pews of the church, how many times he dares to sit in the dark booth of the confessional, no sins he's ever repented for ever made anything better. And yet, he still goes back and tries over and over without ever getting the relief of his god giving him what he's been praying for. He remains faithful, even as it all comes crashing around him, he kneels in the rubble because if he prayed enough, he could still be saved—though maybe his sins are too heavy now.

"even though he's the one who did this to you, never thought to question why"

In a way, I think some of Alex's questioning and influence rubbed off on him in his vulnerable, confused state with how many times he told Bear to "let the universe do its thing". Making him truly think about the fact that his faith has gotten him nowhere but further inside his head.

"Not like you killed someone, it's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side. Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why, he did it all for you."

Bear trying to reason why his prayers were never answered when others got theirs. He confessed, he repented, he went to church, he did everything right. No matter how much he prays, he never gets an answer.

Bear is so helpless I love him. I love hurting him. I love reading into him. ANYWAY

Now onto Thomas...

"humble and helpless, learning to pray, praying for visions to show me the way"

After losing so much, being unable to find his own way back to both himself and the church, Bear feels like he has to start all over again just to get back to the way he felt about his faith before all this. It used to feel so correct on him, back when he hadn't done anything wrong yet. He needs something to guide him back when he can't enter those doors by himself yet—he doesn't want to

"Allow me to be forgiven, show me the way to let go, show me the way to forgive you"

His anger and guilt always makes itself front and center when he tries to get on his knees and pray the way he was taught. He can't let go and forgive himself, but he can't forgive his god either. It's not something he can do by himself, after the horrible things he's done, all the blood on his hands never washes away and leaves him stained.

"I'm just praying for you to show me where I'm to begin"

Getting silence after begging and pleading for there to be any sign to show him his way back, trying over and over because that's all he's ever been able to fall back on. A god he can't see, a religion he's losing faith in. He can't begin again, and there's no one to guide him back anymore

He needs it, more than anything. Going to talk with his priest, trying to find an answer for the bad things that happened because of him. Using his questions to try to reach out and get a grasp on any remainder of the god he's been pulling away from for too long.

There's nowhere else to go. The hand he reaches out never meets anything, despite his prayers and cries, there's no one on the other side hearing him.

"Hoping to... (hoping to), help me to reconnect to you"

But he still tries, he goes back and sits at the very back in the pews, with his head down and his rosary in his hands. Following along with mass, muttering everything back as prompted. He needs to find his way back, even though he can't grab anything when he reaches out anymore, it feels like his pleas go out to an empty room and only he can hear them echo back to him.

If he keeps trying, if he begs enough, someone would hear his prayers and he'd be back where he was before—content in his faith

Honestly I didn't read like most of this back so there's probably errors in there but WOO I am feeling SILLY

[bri-jo-g]

Before the Anger— episode 67, "Message Tone (pt. 2)"

This is a very chaotic episode, maybe because I was feeling chaotic while making it. (I finished it in one day so that I could do a double upload lmao) I made it pretty desaturated because idk Gaster is boring

Hey, there's baby Papyrus in the comic!

Gaster is very sassy in this comic he hasn't had his coffee yet /j

Although Papyrus recording a message tone without permission is a reasonable thing to be upset at, the punishment has to fit the crime. I don't think Gaster quite understands that concept...

((“A ‘god’, as my father used to say, is… something with ultimate power. The power to create and to destroy. A god would be completely unmatched.” Chara explained. Asriel was about to respond, but Toriel walked in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. She had heard the conversation. “Let’s not talk about such morbid things. There is no such thing as gods or witches or whatever else.”))

That's the end of this side story!! This is first mention of disturbing religious themes, but Chara is the only character who talks about it, with very occasional exceptions of Gaster mentioning it. Other than Chara and Gaster, everyone else has a different interpretation of a god.

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Table of Contents

Binge Version (WEBTOON)

Oh hey.

In the middle of my chaos I asked my brother to make this comic for me. So I gave him the script and Well uh here's @adamslayz4evr 's version of this episode

Highlights: pregnant gaster, ravenous Sans, Papyrus sleeping in doghouse, and Gaster doing the Macarena. Honorable mention: the sky in the underground fsr

[thealpacaavenger]

Here we go. This is my tadc au. It was originally created as a theory as to why Jax is afraid of corn and why his avatar is a rabbit. It later evolved into a full-blown au, which then branched out into an au of an au that I���ll explain another time. With that out of the way, here’s the explanation (which turned into a fanfic halfway through) (TW for mentioned abuse, homophobia, and violence)

Jax (at the time, Jackson) was a closeted gay teenager living with his hyper-conservative Christian parents. Despite his situation, he still had a mischievous streak. This usually just surfaced in spooking birds and tipping cows, though. On occasion, he would prank strangers when he and his father went to the market. Water buckets on doors, Whoopi cushions, that type of thing. He was always careful his father never saw, though,

His father was actively abusive, and used physical punishment (abuse) in order to ingrain his dominance of the family in Jackson’s mind. Jack’s mother was very inactive in his life. She was there, but she was never a source of comfort for the kid. She remained distant, which was likely due in part to his father’s tendency toward violence. The family lived on a farm in the country. Behind it was a huge cornfield. Jackson was usually the one who ended up doing the chores his father didn’t want to. Such as managing manure and doing checkups on the silo.

One day, though, Jack met a guy named Marco. Marco was a pretty standard casual goth. He had the cross earrings, the black hair that was nearly draped over his eye, and a gray striped shirt, which in hindsight is kinda reminiscent to how the crying child looks in FNAF 4. Anyway, they fell for each other.

The two hung out on a pretty regular basis. Early in their relationship, Jackson would often lose track of time and forget to come home on time, and as a result, forget to do assigned chores. This never panned out well.

this led to concern on Marco’s part, which was always brushed off by Jack.

Despite this, Jackson still found a way to have fun with his newfound partner in crime

They liked going to “rendezvous” points pretty often. Namely, the cornfield. The place was big enough that they would never get found, but it was close enough to the house so that if Jack needed to get back quickly, he could.

One fateful day, Jackson decided it would be fun to meet at night. He would wait until his father had gone to sleep, and then he would sneak out into the field where he would meet Marco. Of course, though, things never went to plan.

Jackson’s father was awoken by a sudden noise in the middle of the night. The sound of a door shutting close. He was the paranoid type, to be sure. He had to be if he didn’t want his crops to get eaten. So, like any sensible man, he grabbed his shotgun from the wall and went searching in the cornfield.

Meanwhile, Jack and Marco were having a lovely romantic evening. The two stood in the moonlight, just basking in each other’s company. Marco was probably the best thing to ever happen to Jack. The two’s eyes drifted from the sky and locked with each other. In that moment, they both knew what was coming next. However, as they closed their eyes and began to lean in and touch lips…

BANG

A gunshot rang across the cornfield, the sound of it sending a flock of birds resting in a tree nearby fleeing in fear. Jackson would have turned toward the noise had he not heard another. The sound of something falling to the ground. He opened his eyes.

It was Marco. He fell to his knees and held his head. He had no chance to say his final words. He was already dead. Jack looked up to see who could have done this? Who would kill a child?

His father stood in front of the moon, shotgun still at the ready as it glinted in its light. Despite the dark, Jack could see that his face was contorted in an unmistakable anger. No, rage. A million emotions were in his eyes. Hate, disgust, betrayal. Jack was feeling all of the same things.

He was at a complete loss for words in that moment. Tears crawled quietly down his face as he stared up as his father. A murderer.

They were locked in a long silence. Jack debated on moving. He wanted to run. Desperately. But what if he ended up dead too? For a brief moment, his father’s grip loosened on the gun, a moment of regret, maybe. Humanity. He took the opportunity.

Jack ran for his life. He could hear his father yelling as he made more distance. He heard the gun fire again. Was he trying to kill him?

He ran between stalks of corn, hardly knowing where he was even going. Just away. Like a rabbit being chased away from a farmer’s crops.

Eventually, he made it to the barn. Distantly, he made out the sound of cows mooing in alarm within it. What he really noticed, however, was the truck parked next to it.

Jackson quickly climbed in the truck, the scent of cigarettes so potent he could almost taste it. Luckily, the key was in the car. He turned it, blessing all things good that it started immediately. He thrusted the gearshift, his palms so sweaty his hand almost slipped. He slammed the accelerator and rode off as fast as he could, his sight blinded by tears.

He was knocked back into reality when he felt his body thrust forward suddenly. The airbag activated soon after.

Dazed, he hopped out of the car, feeling oddly numb. He looked up at the building he crashed into. It looked to be falling apart a little A large sign was on the side of the building. ‘C&A’

aaaaand that’s a wrap! This ended up turning into a fanfiction instead of an explanation, but that’s fine. You like that more anyway, right?

tl;dr Jax’s dad was abusive and homophobic and when Jax went to go make out with his boyfriend in the cornfield his dad saw them about to kiss and went “ew gay” and shot said boyfriend. Fun fun fun.

[pyre-of-pages]

A Reflection on Grief

Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of my mother's death. I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Losing her was my worst nightmare. She'll not be there for my wedding. She will never get to spoil any grandkids she may have. I got to see her attend other people's weddings. I got to see her get excited for the babies of family friends. Part of me still feels like I failed her. She was so excited for my wedding one day. She was so excited for her grandbabies.

The only thing I can say is: life's not fair.

There's literally no reason my family had to get torn apart by cancer. I know we are only one of millions of families who are every year. I know my specific grief isn't unique.

That doesn't mean it still isn't fair.

I saw it coming for two years. Two years before she was declared terminal, I saw it coming when the cancer came back. It came back right before my mom would've been declared cancer free. Ain't that just the biggest "fuck you"? My mother believed in the Christian God. She thanked Him in advance for healing her. I watched her sob in her death bed because her prayers went unanswered.

I'm not a religious woman; but I truly feel if a sentient deity exists out there, it is cruel. I'm much more comfortable with the idea of no grand Maker existing than to think one does see this type of pain and allows it to happen.

Grief tends to paint over the one you lost with rose tint -- but I still very much remember the physical and emotional abuse my mother caused me when I was small. I still love her because we were lucky enough to receive that healing and help -- and I received many a heartfelt apology. It doesn't erase it -- I still remember that trauma -- but the closure makes it easier to accept and heal from even now.

What I've learned in this first year without my biggest life cheerleader is . . . well, I can do it.

I'm living in the worst possible outcome for my family.

I'm living in a world where multiple childhood dreams for my life are dead forever -- not just those involving my mother.

I'm well-aware that if a younger me had seen this life coming, I would have chosen not to live it. But I AM living it. I AM surviving, and I see no reason to quit now.

In summary:

I've surprised myself this year by simply continuing to exist -- and by continuing to be happy. Without the decade-long dark cloud of illness and death hanging over my life, I'm free to relax again. The things that upsets me before because it triggered an intense fear of losing my mother are no longer an issue. I feel less pressured to reach certain life goals within a set amount of time -- until Mom died, I had no conscious realization that intense stress and pressure on myself was because of her illness.

I've learned I can survive my worst nightmare, and still find reasons to keep going.

I've learned I am more capable than I thought I was -- both mentally and physically.

The unknown future used to terrify me down to my smallest atom. Now, the unknown feels less scary. When you've already experienced the worst you feared and lived well on the other side of it -- there's nothing left to fear.

I have no choice but to live the rest of my life with this loss. It's not fair that I have to. It feels like a really surreal, sick joke some days. But two years ago, I thought if I stood where I am right now my world would be in tatters with no reason to carry on with joy in my heart.

I've learned I was wrong.

I've learned I can carry a heavy burden with more ease than I thought.

And I'm proud of that.

[bennubirdreadz]

Ben Talks: A Deep Dive Into One of the Most Disturbing Scenes Between Harry and Dumbledore in the Entire Series

There is a scene in book 7, The Half-Blood Prince, in which Harry goes to Dumbledore’s office for one of his “lessons” about Voldemort’s past. In this specific meeting, Dumbledore asks if Harry has managed yet to retrieve the memory from Professor Slughorn. What follows is a fairly short back-and-forth that took me THREE DAYS to get through, because I found it genuinely so upsetting that after almost every sentence, I had to put the book down and walk away.

Here are a couple of excerpts from this section, barely more than a page long, which I want to address directly:

A hot, prickly feeling of shame spread from the top of Harry’s head all the way down his body. Dumbledore had not raised his voice, he did not even sound angry, but Harry would have preferred him to yell; this cold disappointment was worse than anything.

Silence fell between them again, the most uncomfortable silence Harry had ever experienced with Dumbledore; it seemed to go on and on, punctuated only by the little grunting snores of the portrait of Armando Dippet over Dumbledore’s head. Harry felt strangely diminished, as though he had shrunk a little since he had entered the room. When he could stand it no longer he said, “Professor Dumbledore, I’m really sorry. I should have done more … I should have realised you wouldn’t have asked me to do it if it wasn’t really important.” “Thank you for saying that, Harry,” said Dumbledore quietly. “May I hope, then, that you will give this matter higher priority from now on?“ […] I’ll do it, sir, I’ll get it from him,” Harry said earnestly. “Then we shall say no more about it just now,” said Dumbledore more kindly.

Dumbledore firstly expects Harry to be able to accomplish a task he himself could not manage, a task that he does not even need done. Dumbledore already knew Voldemort had made multiple horcruxes, he already knew what most of them were, and already suspected Voldemort had intended a total of seven. He does not need this memory. And yet, despite all that, he still expresses deep disappointment in Harry, which he uses to make Harry feel ashamed.

He strips away all his warmth, kindness, and friendliness that he usually gives Harry, until Harry says what Dumbledore wants to hear (I messed up, I should’ve listened to you, I’ll do better next time). And the moment Harry says these things, Dumbledore goes back to normal and acts as if none of it happened.

This is what my abuser did to me. He was my school administrator as well as the high school teacher (it was a private christian school, every employee played multiple roles). He would bring me into his office, impress upon me the ways I had let him down (whatever it was that day, and I never understood what I had done wrong) and then would sit in cold silence until I broke down in tears and promised to do better, to be better, to never let him down again. He would force me to sit in the feeling of shame he manufactured, and once I gave in and validated his berating, he would go back to being the “kind”, warm, friendly teacher I usually knew.

I was left feeling drained and emotionally exhausted, and like I could not trust myself to make decisions, because he taught me that I was always going to make the wrong one.

This is emotional abuse. It is disgusting that Rowling wrote this and uses it to portray Dumbledore as the benevolent, understanding mentor who does not even shout when he’s displeased (he just gets cold and distant instead). It shows her complete lack of understanding of what healthy dynamics and relationships look like.

It also is yet another way in which she modeled Dumbledore after the Christian God without realizing how blatantly this proves that her version of God is inherently abusive.

I was taught growing up that if you turn from God, if you choose to live in sin, he cannot or will not even hear your prayers. He withdraws completely, removing all his so-called “love” until you capitulate and prostrate yourself before him again.

I say it again: This. Is. Abuse.

It is one of the less visible forms. It does not involve screaming or physical violence or gaslighting. That does not make it any less harmful.

[ominous-faechild]

PART 4: MEETING WITH “FATHER”

cws: implied child abuse, ableism, religious themes, religious trauma, and depictions of extreme anxiety

“DEMONIC” MAGIC

a short story prior to Rising From The Ashes

CHARACTERS:

♝ “Genesis” (pov) ♝ “Duke”

TIMELINES:

approx. 790 AA (global timeline)

story intro table of contents part one < last part next part >

word count: 1,206

Genesis: (voice thick, full of emotion) "I'm sorry…"

Genesis: [winces—]

Genesis: [except… although he doesn't know this, his rare display of weakness is helping convince Steward of his (false) sincerity]

Steward: (dismissively) "don't apologize to me. Apologize to your father, and your family."

Genesis: :'D

Steward: [but doesn't give Genesis a chance to respond. Instead, un-crosses his arms as he turns to the door to Genesis's father's office, then knocks on it]

Steward: [at the same time, voice hard but even) "Your Grace. {Genesis} is here."

Genesis: [heart twists and pounds, but forces himself to choke back his terror. Keeping his face as empty as possible—besides his slightly-tensed jaw and watery eyes—turns to face the office door as—]

Duke: (speaks gruffly from the other side) "he may come in."

Genesis: [breeeeaaaaatheeeee—] :'DDDDDD

Genesis: [glances at Steward]

Steward: [meets Genesis's gaze out of the corner of his eye]

Steward: [would usually step out of the way for Genesis to head in, and just go off to attend to his other business, but—]

Steward: [opens the door while he's there, shifting out of the way enough for Genesis to be able to slip past him, but remaining in the doorway]

Genesis:

Genesis: [heart skips a beat at the unusual behaviour, but… after just a moment's hesitation, steps forward and around Steward to enter his father's office]

Office: [just like everything else to do with the duke, was next to absolutely pristine. Except—]

Duke: [sitting at his desk, with a seemingly-endless amount of paperwork scattered directly around him. Has his elbows against his desk, his hands clasped together in the air, and a deep scowl on his lips as he pierces Genesis with a sharp look]

Duke: [except, blessfully, only spared Genesis a glance for once. Instead of remaining on him, they went to Steward behind him as—]

Steward: (voice even) "if I may, Your Grace?"

Duke: [eyebrow twitches up, but simply responds matter-of-factly) "you may."

Genesis: [his heart's pounding echoes throughout his entire body. He can't even be sure he's not trembling right now, and the heat flushed through his face and chest feels like it'll eject itself from his mouth at any moment]

Genesis: [but—resisting the urge to look back at Steward, knowing it would enrage his father to do so—simply stares at Duke as—]

Steward: (carefully) "forgive me if this is out of line, but I spoke with your son on the way here."

Genesis:

Genesis: [swallows, flexing his jaw subtly and fighting the urge to clench his fists from his nerves]

Steward: (barely having paused, continues just as carefully) "he said some things I believe you would like to hear, if you'd hear him out."

Genesis: !?!?!? :'DDDDDD

Duke: [flexes his own jaw, eyebrows furrowing and eyes narrowing as they dart to Genesis's]

Genesis: [just swallows as he meets Duke's eyes as emptily as he can manage, struggling not to puke]

Duke: [looks back over Genesis's shoulder as—]

Steward: "I know how this may sound, but… I think that you may have finally gotten through to him."

Genesis: [too stressed to even feel relief… especially as his father's eyes dart back to his, narrowed and suspicious]

Duke: (voice hard, but even) "duly noted. Please leave me to my son now, {Steward}."

Duke: [eyes darted—once again—to the man as he addressed him directly, but just as quickly returned to Genesis's]

Genesis: [swallows, anxiously forcing himself to keep his father's gaze… and nervously flexing his jaw]

[And, after a moment of silence, the door closed behind Genesis]

[Leaving just him and his father.]

[Alone.]

Duke: [after a moment of silence, asks with a slightly-sharp tone) "well? What is it that 'I'd like to hear'?"

Genesis:

Genesis: [takes a deep, shuddering breath, startled—]

Genesis: [finds his eyes darting away and to the side, but just as quickly returns them to his father's as he collects himself]

Genesis: (voice thick and uneven, even as he speaks carefully) "… to begin with, sir… I've—" [drops his eyes, but once again returns them to his father's as soon as he notices] "—done a lot of thinking during my rustication. About… what you've told me. How my actions have affected this family, us. How—"

Genesis: [tears his eyes from Duke's to stare at the floor beside his foot; and his voice slowly evens out) "they'll affect me, in the long run. About—" [heart skips a beat, face pinching, as he realizes he took his eyes from his father's. Quickly returns them] "—the harm I've done us all, through my actions."

Genesis: [lets out a slow, shuddering breath as he swallows, unwillingly looks away again, and lowers his head struggling not to cry]

Genesis: [takes an unsteady step forward, hesitantly reaching into his pocket for his stylus… and then placing it on the desk between himself and Duke]

Genesis: [terrified to know how his father is looking at him—]

Genesis: [and so, for once, lets himself stare at the ground] :'DDDD

Genesis: [stepping back, away from Duke and the literal life-saving stylus, continues with his voice cracking) "and I've realized you're right. About—everything. I'm—I'm sorry, Father."

Genesis: [swears he's visibly trembling, but… slowly forces himself to look up and meet Duke's eyes again]

Duke: [watching him with a deadly serious look; anger underlying his features]

Genesis: [panicking—]

Genesis: (breathlessly, desperately) "I want to do everything I can to amend my mistakes. Please. Just—just tell me what I need to do, and I'll do it. I'm sorry, Father."

Genesis: [feels naked without a stylus, feels nakednakednaked—vulnerable—and WEAK—]

Genesis: [can't help it. Sobs, and has to tear his eyes from Duke as he ducks his head into his arms, wrapping them over his head]

Genesis: [… and, finally, breaks out crying with his head cradled in his hands]

Father: [lets out a heavy, furious sigh… but slowly puts his own face in his hands as his son cries]

Father: [heavily disapproves of his son's breakdown, but… just like Steward, sees this drastic change in Genesis's behavior to be a positive sign. A sign that they'd finally gotten through to him, and that maybe, just maybe, they could 'fix' the endless problems 'Genesis had caused'. Even if he would still be stuck with a failure of a son]

Genesis: [as the seconds go by without Duke reacting to his crying, finds his stress building higher and higher, his breaths more and more shallow, and—]

Duke: (voice stern, but calm) "{Genesis}."

Genesis: [flinches, gasping, but immediately draws his head from his hands to look up at his father. Has his head shrunken into his shoulders and his eyes wide]

Genesis: [expecting the worst—]

Duke: [but just sitting up straight at his desk; his fingers interwoven together and his arms flat against the desk as he stares at Genesis]

Duke: (with the same stern, but even, tone) "go to your room. I'll think about how we're going to proceed. And you get yourself back together. We're supposed to be better than that. You know this."

Genesis: [hiccups, then swallows and nods fervently]

Genesis: [and, with a strangled exhale, swiftly flips on his heel to follow his father's directions…]

Genesis: [well, besides the crying]

Genesis: [goes off to have an absolute nervous breakdown]

Reminder: Genesis's "great sin" is that he's rebelliously insistent on using runic magic as, essentially, medication. For genetic health issues. That they've deemed to be "his fault".

In other words: while this may resemble a "reasonable situation", it is nowhere near one.

Especially because the father is 10000% abusive and that's WHY Genesis is absolutely terrified of him.

As a side note, it was very interesting covering all of Duke's real name with, well, "Duke". I only have his surname actually decided, and uh... y'know. That's Genesis's surname. And he's a hidden/plot twist villain. So I've gotta hide it lol.

Hopefully that didn't pull you out of the story!

story intro table of contents next part > part one

RFtA intro

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[imbadatparking]

origin of something evil; 

The pale blue wall holds his attention at a sharp standpoint, the same smooth sight that’s been there since before he was born. The ceiling fan flickers, wavering shadows playing out a vision of his parents dancing and smearing azure paint across each other’s skin. Rolling brushes and Simon and Garfunkel and plastic on furniture, laughter ringing out. A time he doesn’t remember but aches for anyway. 

The pale blue wall holds his attention at a sharp standpoint, the same smooth sight that’s been there since before he was born. The ceiling fan flickers, wavering shadows playing out a vision of his parents dancing and smearing azure paint across each other’s skin. Rolling brushes and Simon and Garfunkel and plastic on furniture, laughter ringing out. A time he doesn’t remember but aches for anyway. 

Soccer trophies line the shelves next to school awards and a family photo. Him, Mother, Father, in their best clothing tastefully arranged on their stairs. They are all smiling, but before, what's unseeable, is that they were all arguing loud enough for the photographer to hear behind the closed door kitchen. If one squints, the premature gray hairs in Mother's hair, the hard lines of Father, and the tightness around Adam’s eyes becomes visible. Adam hates the picture.

The decorations have been standing, unchanging since forever. Besides the addition of his achievements, what Father says is the only thing worth showing off, it is a stranger’s room. Its inhabitant does not belong in it like it does not belong in the house.

He’s never considered changing it, but if he did, he'd make it less… blue. Father doesn’t like the idea. Father, I hate blue; Harhar, since when? ‘Sides, it’s a great color, an honorable color, a real man’s color. 

He’d choose purple, maybe. A dark purple. Royal or plum or hippo or —

The color of a fresh bruise. 

The darkening shade around Jackson’s eye after his fist landed in it, that smudgy sludge green, brackish mess, a bloom of violet crimson.

The sound had been sickening, a whistle of air and then skin against skin. Exhilarating adrenaline coursing through his arm as he pulled back and released before he even realized he lost control. The headspace of that awful rush of power that comes from having of a weaker thing at your mercy.

It was all kind of a blur. 

A slurred word, one too many jeered comments. A slam against the locker, hands curled into the school’s uniform collar, tight around the tie. One yank and he could’ve choked him. 

Close enough to hear his hitched breath, the soft flutter of his eyelashes. 

One hit, two hits, the spurt of vibrant blood from a crooked nose, a shouted curse, and frantic hands pulled him back. 

Only one voice registered in that panicked silence: Don’t — stop, Adam, stop. It’s not worth it, it’s not — 

More hands, more blood, more voices. White-hot anger. 

Then: Mr. Adam! Mr. Jackson! Both of you in my office. Now. Voice stern like his father. 

An acute walk of shame, every pair of eyes on him knowing what happened, waiting for the moment the hallways cleared so they could go back to spilling gossip. In the gray locker, a flicker of his reflection: narrowed, pinpoint eyes, dilated hazel to black, dark eyebrows drawn, mouth tight, a near-mirror image of Father on his worst days. All traces of Mother gone, only the cruelty of anger arranging an even crueler face.

In Jackson’s face, he saw intimate familiarity; bloody and bruised by the hands of a man too broken to love. 

When he got home, sullen silence from Mother emptying the car, reminiscent of the aftermath of stone-cold nights with too much wine and a heavy lifted arm, he didn’t dare let out a breath out of line.

Father had been rightfully pissed, but the straight of his back recalled something like pride. 

Adam spent years scouring over textbooks and bibles and handbooks, looking for a how-to on How To Be The Perfect Son, and the one time, the second time, the third time he gets into a fight, full pot of water filled with boiling rage spilling over and over and over, Father’s expression is the least concealed arrangement of pride he’s ever seen. 

Know what you did was no good, and there’re consequences to your damn actions —  spittle flying and bruises forming and bit-back groans — but if my son knows one thin’, it's howta swing one like a real man. 

I learned it from you, Dad.

The seed of rot has been planted, the roots have grown and knotted together in the dirt of his soul. Like the Apricot trees out on the lawn, blackening from the inside with a bitter swing to the ground and an unsalvageable likeness. A taste of him is already too much before he is spat out into the trash with the lid sealed shut.

It’s too late for him; one bad tree and now the entire grove is poisoned, generations of peeling bark and falling , no matter how often they prayed for redemption. Someone should uproot these trees and destroy them; someone should plow over it until it is nothing but pure again. But it’s stood here far too long thriving in its own ugly and no one has the tools to do it. It will continue to fester, diseased and alive, spreading fruitlessly to whoever dares eat what their branches bear.

Adam’s sins are intrinsic; internal; melded into the metal of his bone and sparked by his father’s hands, crafted into the perfect weapon. 

The blue laughs at him, having known this for years.

In the corner, an oil spill seeps from the creases, running down his wall and swallowing him in a black hole of darkness. The devil lives in these walls and he is staining the foundations. 

Maybe the only way to get rid of it is by praying, to baptize it free of the ever-present evil, and emerge blissfully clean. Wash his hands, rinse the blood off his knuckles, scrub these walls, and find his own.

He presses his hands together in that familiar fold, fingers laced, closing his eyes softly. Grounding, grounding.

Dear God. 

Don’t let me be him, don’t let me be him, don’t let me be him —

> @nosebleedclub prompt xxiv. > from an excerpt of my tentative book, Apricot Seeds > ask to be tagged