#themes: religious abuse

[nezumithewriter]

"WE DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU / HATE TO SEE YOU CRY, BUT..."

@jumalanpelko got me feeling things again and i'm being so brave about it

Lyrics come from "RGB by Secret Pie" go listen to it NYEOWWW!!!

[bpderanged]

The problem with religious people is they'll try to make your trauma seem like it's a part of some grand plan god supposedly has for you—like the abuse was a lesson or a blessing in disguise.

Like getting raped or beaten as a kid was somehow meant to "make you stronger." As if pain means purpose. As if god needs to break you to "build" you.

But no. Evil is just evil, no matter how hard you try to dress it up as growth or empowerment. Just say you need a reason to suffer so it doesn't feel pointless.

Because that's what god does—sells you the lie that it's all part of some bigger plan. That every trauma has meaning. Because if you don't believe that, then you're left with the truth: life is random, cruel, and most of the time, shit just happens for no actual reason for you to romanticize.

[defire]

As an abuse survivor, you are just fetishizing child abuse. Plain and simple. Call it a coping mechanism or a power take-back all you want, but it's just an excuse to write porn about child abuse. I pity people like you, truly, I do. I can only pray that you eventually see a therapist about your internalized pedo behavior.

Cw: RANCID ask ⬆️

I'm so glad you brought this up because I don't like to speak for people like you--I'd rather combat these opinions directly.

Since you're praying, I'll feel free to make biblical allusions. (Tw)

First, the word "fetish". My opinion: I don't find fetishes or porn too helpful for processing trauma--it's more like exposure therapy. At some point you do need to actually grieve and process what happened. I don't judge those who do that (you're not hurting anybody♥️), but that's not what Survivor Fiction is for.

When you're judging whether something is bad or good, you can use the "tree by its fruits" concept. Basically, if a tree produces good fruit, it's a good tree. If it produces bad fruit, it's a diseased/bad tree.

So let's look at what Survivor Fiction does for survivors specifically.

It brings healing. I (a new author!) have already received five testimonies that have said how much my writing helped them move through some of their trauma and see things in a different, calmer way.

Survivor Fiction brings peace. A surprising amount of the community--90.5% in a poll involving 1,543 voters--use whump stories to go to sleep at night. (Many trauma survivors have difficulty sleeping from flashbacks. Fiction along the same lines can offer an appropriate sense of distance from the fear.)

It helps disabled people. It appears that a strong majority of our community is autistic. Part of the diagnosis is emotional dysregulation. We need to be walked through how to do things in great detail. Survivor Fiction often walks the reader through the process of trauma, reaction, ptsd, and recovery.

It spreads awareness. Survivor fiction is often more accurate to real-life abusive situations instead of glossing it over--in other words, LYING--about what goes on. This can bring a 3rd party perspective to a current victim too, giving them the understanding that they are being abused and need to escape if possible.

For a more thorough explanation of why fiction about survivors is good and necessary, see this post.

Okay, so would "bad fruit" look like? Do you see any of the following from our community? ↙️

Doing these things in real life

Being generally hurtful of others

Hurting children in real life

Harming emotions by pushing unwanted content to people who would be triggered by it? (Quite the opposite, we tend to post exhaustive content warnings before the content.)

Something else that's actually wrong and not just a thought crime?

And here's the fruit of your words, which I'm sure we all heard the jist of many times before:

You encourage covering up evil. Trying to hide fiction that more accurately describes pain, abuse, and PTSD means hiding the truth. Stifling the exposure of just how evil it is to abuse someone like this. The righteous walk in the light, but the wicked hide their deeds in the darkness.

Your words are shaming. Shame causes pain to fester and act out in harmful ways, such as repeating abuse cycles, self-harm, and dangerous overreactions. Christian ideology here--shame is what caused Adam and Eve to hide from God.

You are lying. You implied that we harm people in real life without any reason to think so. And also implied that we want to be in the aggressor's position. Generally speaking we identify most with the victim.

Referencing Christianity here, if you're christian--Your words condemn the Bible. The bible is full of stories much darker than most of what is written here. You'll read about rape, and the cannibalism of one's own children in Lamentations, among other things.

You're hurting yourself. You will be judged with the measure you judge others with. This is because if you judge others harshly for their thoughts, you'll instinctively judge yourself just as harshly. You end up hurting yourself and others over something that wasn't even doing any harm in the first place.

Causing confusion. What you said was illogical. If it's fiction where the damage occurs, we should be blaming the fictional aggressor--not the writer reporting it. If it's reality where the damage occurs, we should be blaming real criminals--not the journalist. The truth is that writing about survivors isn't generally harmful.

In short, you're creating a lot of problems and not helping. Did this ask come from a loving place?

This answer I'm giving, does.

[aphidclan-clangen]

part 2 out of 3

[fishersfall]

Procrastinated last night and drew some more edgy art of Travis :)

[lemscipher]

this is my tfs horror au design for henry!! horror au doesnt really narrow it much so ill try to explain:

its a more psychological horror version of tfs i guess? henry is a very strict christian who believes that god is punishing him for his sins with divine power and immortality due to the scar on his hand being shaped like the cross; he believes he is a god to some extent (or rather a vessel to a higher god which in this case is the mindflayer). the animal killings are sacrifices to the mindflayer like in the og show, but instead all of the things/people henry have killed have a cross carved into their heads. virginia and victor are even worse in their aspects, victor resorts to many more unhealthy coping mechanisms not just alcoholism (he does drugs, shoots things when hes angry etc.), virginia is a lot worse, much more abusive and even tries to exorcise henry at one point. henry is traumatised by all of this and it leads to a lot of self hatred and thinking that god hates him, and when hes eventually sent to the lab he thinks brenner is trying to rid him of his divine connection and is a lot more hostile towards him (hes also quite scared as he doesnt want to be drugged and end up like his father), brenner probably splashes henry with holy water or sm idk. if you want more info on this au feel free to lmk!!

pls also any name ideas for this au are appreciated "horror" is really shit 😭😭

credits to @/2ds-sleeping-powder for the bandaid headcanon also

[beetlelegs2003]

Heather and “The Hum”

[winchesterlesbian]

I want to make a joke like "rip Sam Winchester you would have loved Nosferatu" but I'm gonna be real watching that movie would make Sam have a mental breakdown

[littlest-bugz]

[no images or poetry belong to me]

[peculiaritty]

Sunday character study/trauma study

Again! before i start this ramble there is tw for religious themes, abuse, mental illnesses (ocd especially) and grooming so please if you have any triggers regarding those please don't read ^^ 2.2 Penacony spoilers so please be warned and future leaks and/or theorys may be involved. NO future storyline leaks though. This might be split into parts- not sure! Things might be hyperlinked and these will count as my reference/evidence, theres no need to read them unless you're curious!! There might be a part two on this when Sunday does come out ! Edited 18/05 to correct mistakes/add things i forgot about it OK. Lets begin: GOD. Poor Sunday, i think a lot of people has seen Sunday's abuse unnoticed, and i honestly can't blame some people because sometimes we don't automatically pick up everything unless we are actively looking for something. Sunday is a very interesting character, and i don't necessarily think he is 'evil-evil' per say, he is more of a morally grey character rather than being right up evil. Some major pointers i want to bring up and will be discussed: -> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA dreammaster. -> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes -> Sunday/robins ideologies -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!)

-> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA Dreammaster.

The most clear thing we can see as of right now without any reading between lines- Robin and Sundays bond. They care for eachother very much, we know that Sunday is the eldest brother, we already know that from right off the bat, that he is indeed the protector of Robin. Such as any older sibling usually feels towards those born after them. Sunday in no doubt in my mind has firstborn syndrome, basically the main 'burden-holder' between the two. This is the first fact we need to understand before we delve in. Due to Sundays natural-protectiveness of his sister that leaves Sunday at the face/brunt of Gophers ideals, which means sacrificing himself at any cost. Which may be why Robin remains currently unaffected or/not as self-destructive as Sunday. One thing that is easily skipped over and not noticed, Gopher and Sunday share a completely transactional-non-familial bond as they seem to not have the common father-son bond what so ever, Sunday only refers to Gopher as master which hints at the wedge between them. Gopher has ever only inspired and encouraged Sundays pessimistic behavior, such as when the Charmony Dove fell, we can assume that both Sunday and robin are extremely young at the time, i position them to be around 6-8, while at this age children do start to grasp that death in permanent, in no way should a child i quote be saying anything along the lines of "i think people believe birds are meant to fly...because they've never seen those birds crashing to their death." while this 'kind voice' (Gopher) does seem unbiased and passive, there is no reason unless you have actively convinced and taught a child to think that way. While children do come to gain their own beliefs, and ideals, siblings usually remain with the same ideas and beliefs until they reach around 10-12 where puberty starts. The belief gap at such a young age between Robin and Sunday is too big for it to be just "growing up" most if not all children take joy in being naïve- and cheerful. it is only when we come to abused, groomed, depressed and neglected children we start to see such pessimistic behavior. Sunday does have first-born child syndrome, it is also a bit of a worry of how stoic and 'unfeeling' he is. He doesn't confine in anyone, and while yes, we could say this is normal- but in normal, healthy environments people always have someone to confine in. Sunday doesn't have that. This could purely be just his personality- as some people are simply coded that way. It just strikes differently when we compare Child Sunday unto his adult self, as seen in Robins trailer BOTH of them had artistic aspirations, and even though there is no 'heavy' implication, that one tear indicates to me that Sunday was indeed the more emotional one. Growing out of hobbies is normal, but Sunday is lacking of life, he generally looks lifeless. He could've grown out of them, but what I read between the lines is extreme shaming and guilt. The need to be 'perfect'. Just so he could be the 'sun' in the sky and maybe even please Gopher.

Another thing to point out- his OCD yes. This is another thing that is hidden but only few people have found. In this scenario i am not fond of actually just saying its because of his connection to Ena. i am more fond- and find it much more reasonable that it has impacted and grown from his trauma. While i will not clarify which i believe he has since thats leaning more into headcanon territory. Unhealthy childhood environments and events predispose and increase the risk of various psychiatric disorders and OCD is one of them. It is clear that Sunday has been indoctrinated and been taught to think the way he does now. The family is cultish and it doesn't seem to act as one, everyone has their own ideals- and motives, including Gopher. Grooming does not have to be sexual in order for it to be considered grooming, grooming is defined as when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. In this scenario, Gopher has essentially groomed Sunday to exploit him and use him as a sacrifice. Groomed and abused, religious abuse seems to be a big one in this especially considering the huge religious imagery in Penacony, but it is important to point out some common symptoms of religious abuse is doubtful faith and compulsive perfectionism which resemble in Sunday. Most times, religious abuse is often paired with other forms of abuse, most commonly being sexual grooming and emotional abuse. This does not leave other forms of abuse out such as physical however. Gopher has 'trained' Sunday to think this way (Sundays ideaology), and indoctrinated him for his own use, and you can see it in Sundays extreme ways of dealing with his belief. there is clear there's an external force in his thinking- Gopher.

-> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes To continue, the family- as again, all have very different ideals, and motivations in Penacony. They act as completely separate entities yet still collaborate with each other. One thing remains crystal clear to me, that this family- follows a royal family sort of dynamic, where everything is hushed, you mustn't be too emotional, or too illogical. Basically coming to the point where Sunday has directly been told to not worry about Robin. He was never allowed to grieve. He is not allowed to grieve which is a horrid thing to be put through. Even when Gopher does deliver the news of Robin being shot there is a lack of care, and concern, he sounds non-chalant, going on to mention, "once you've attended to your outstanding tasks…" In any family emergency of sorts, that's the last thing you want to be told, you want to be there as soon as possible. Gopher wood simply does not have enough care, or concern for both of his 'children.' While this is my pure assumption, i do have reason to believe that the Family does share a rather cold dynamic, such as any other usual dynamic that is seen in stories where there is a political, rich, or royal family.

lack of care towards children, and moreso encouraging less 'child-like' traits

Parental figures primarily not being involved in the childs care, it is most likely that both Robin and Sunday were raised by the servants of the house, while Gopher remained some sort of mentor towards the both of them.

Isolation from other children in different life scenarios/circumstances

- Most often, children in these scenarios get put into a protective bubble, unaware of the outside. henceforth, another reasoning why Sunday might be so scared of the outside world. -> Sunday/Robins ideologies Both of them are entirely separate eachother belief wise, but they have one goal in mind. Helping people. I would describe Robins ideals as being quite idealistic and soft, that has come to her naturally, and its quite sweet. she wants world where people can live how they want. Even if its a bad one. Sunday on the otherhand quite thinks the opposite, i would describe his as: 'To protect everyone, keep them safe from pain, and suffering, their freedom of choice must be taken so they will suffer no longer, even if that means sacrificing all that i have.' This comes on very intense, as he does you know. send an entire star system to sleep!! But, His idea isn't exactly wrong. As in those questions he posed to us- we would've done the same if we were in the same scenario. Of course- if one of our siblings we knew were going to get shot in the future because of the path they chose- we would do our best to do that. It makes sense. But logically, and emotionally speaking, it is not in our best interest to control other lives and what they wish for, and what they dream for. What does Sunday want? Nothing. he is entirely swallowed with trying to help other people. He has no dream for himself. His dream- is others peoples dreams. What Sunday wanted, out of the goodness of his own heart, and the unfortunate abuse he has been put through, essentially what we call a utopia/dystopia. IT IS utopian to think of a world without pain, with harmony, where everyone is happy. But because of our nature as people, we want choice. so to us IT IS dystopian to think of a world were we have no choice, were we live on autopilot always content. He seeks escape, and he's not ashamed of it. The most common reason people seek escape, is because they're scared. They are scared of facing what they need to face. He is scared, he does not wish to see pain and suffering, he knows and purely thinks things are doomed from the start. Its almost nihilistic. And i understand it. paired with his childhood, Gopher and how he gets stuck in the confessional box hearing the most horrendous things, i would be like him too. "is this apart of your plan?" It is Gopher who brought the order to Penacony. That line above, implies that this wasn't Sunday's plan at all. Gopher was going to use Robin in the first place, but Sunday, again, being the oldest took the forefront of the indoctrination and abuse- thats how he now blindly believes in it. Gophers plans and his reason why hasn't been revealed. but i doubt it was because he genuinely cared for his people. It is depressing to see who Sunday is as a person, purely pessimistic, and so lost but obsessed with his belief, but to me and other people he is relatable; to him, things don't get better. he wants to stay in the moment. Suspended in a dream that is too perfect to be true. He seeks escape, escape for everyone. Things do get better, whether that is now, or later. We just need to keep trying and continuing on, no matter how tiring it is. -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!) UP TO MY FAVOURITE BIT!! ok, heres something that genuinely makes me want to explode, because if this is on purpose it is brilliant. Pointed out by Matchua and i actually think the first to notice it. his wings look clipped.

They don't seem very oval and/or similar to how normal bird wings would look. This can also be seen in Harmony MC's splash art too, the Raven being Sunday, and of course, the Charmony dove, Robin.

While the birdcage imagery is used on Robin, i think it is so damn powerful that if this is a deliberate design choice, that Sunday has been clipped. Depending on the clipping, it renders birds unable to fly until they grow back, and even then there is horrendous people out there who permanently injure the bird by clipping it wrong so its never able to fly again. A birdcage has a key. But once you take away a birds wings like that, it cant fly. It represents how Sunday can never seemingly become his normal self again, he will always be consumed by his pessimism and fear for the world around him. how there is seemingly 'no hope' We know that Robin is not clipped because in her skill her full wings pop out (even if this is just an effect...still) It also represents how damaging abuse is, how it takes away someones dignity and freedom. Religious imagery!! i'm sure you can find some super deep dives into it but i think one of the main things is how Sunday represents Jesus from the Christian bible. The thorns across his coat tie in deeply with the fact that on the crucifix, Jesus was given a thorn crown which was used to belittle and mock him. Sunday falls back in the crucifix pose. He is the sacrifice. Not exactly to purge them of sin, but to give them an Eternal paradise. (which in Christianity, is what the purging of sin does, it gives us an eternal paradise next to God.) Headcanons: -> i believe Sundays OCD to either be of the Religious, Harm or Order OCD. i see all three occurring, but rather more on the Order/Religious side. -> Sunday is a people pleaser, no buts!! -> He has alot of shame and self hatred towards himself for wanting things, as he believes it doesn't make him 'perfect' -> He strikes me to have some form of anxiety, again this can tie in with the OCD -> His small/awkward chuckles are just him trying to cope, i feel like he does it alot more when he is anxious though, towards the end of the quest he doesn't chuckle, which officially means hes lost it (lmao poor guy) -> Very scared of making mistakes. Really small ones too. (as you find in some abuse victims.) -> jealous of his sister but he could never come to hate her, he just wishes he was able to participate in being creative too but i do think he was shamed for that, for being 'childish'. Robin was the 'jewel' of the family. Sunday never was. -> as some abuse victims do, he probably never understood or came to understand that Gopher was abusive to him, maybe after 2.2 possibly. And when he does come to understand God. He's got a lot of healing to do in himself. A lot of anger, grief, sadness- tons of processing. -> He doesn't like hugs at first because he was really not hugged as a child, but when he does get hugged it absolutely destroys him because he really really loves being validated and being held. Something that he lacked so much as a child. -> As birds do when their stressed, Sunday plucks the feathers out of his wings, which leads to him being insecure about them so he never really shows them, which is why he keeps them neatly folded Infront of his waist and hides the back part of his wings with his coat. -> Forgets to eat, drink and bathe due to working so much. He gets so lost in his work he's probably stayed up for more than 48 hours. (ok like i know its the dreamscape but listen.) -> I didn't add this into the first part, but including all of the other things i mentioned, Sunday was alot more quiet/introverted as a child as i interpret him to be, while Robin was more of a blabbermouth. So thats why Gopher decided on Sunday instead, lesser chance of anyone finding out about what he was teaching. -> Never had a day of rest in his life. He needs a break. That's pretty much all i've got to say though (i'm going to spare you from my headcanons i have on his behaviors. that list is LONG.), i just think Sunday is a really interesting yet heartbreaking character at the same time. Very relatable to alot of people. He's not genuinely evil. Just severely misguided and hurt. Thx for reading <3

[8-rae-rae-8]

So

A Perfect Circle

I am desperately in need to hear your thoughts on Judith, because it's SO BEAR as the addressee of the lyrics

Also, Thomas as his attempts to keep his faith, wdyt

DUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. Gonna be a LONG post. Bear with me, pun intended

Okay I have Judith on both of their playlists for almost completely different reasons. I'll get to Thomas once I'm finished with my extensive yap session on Judith

Talking about Alex AND Bear because I have thoughts about Judith for both of them first

For Alex, I was thinking more something along the lines of the way he idolized Rip, and the way he thought of his mother.

See, I'm not immune to giving characters strained relationships with religion (growing up Catholic and Christian would do that to you). And though you see Alex doesn't have any bad blood with religion in the times Bear mentions his faith outside of him saying he essentially doesn't believe in it, I like to think he grew up in a passively religious household. With a mother who tried to tell him that prayer would fix things, despite it never doing anything. It always became some kind of excuse or a reason Alex wasn't allowed to do something because 'god wouldn't have wanted him to'/'what would god think about that?'. And, of course, Alex never believed in any of that. It only made him angry especially as a teenager when his mother would say over and over that they just didn't pray enough, or go to church enough, and that's why god never helped them.

But, ALSO, on the same page with Alex's mother...

These lyrics:

"You're such an inspiration for the ways that I will never, ever choose to be"

That specifically is what started me thinking about him and his mother, because it's mentioned that in that one interview (though we don't know to what extremes) she abused him. Growing up with that, framing everything he knew as a kid, taking away small things while having him tip-toe around in fear of a reaction or punishment.

But there's also the way abusers will treat themselves as all holy and above their victim. Kids need their parents, and if their needs aren't met and they're neglected, their minds fill it in with how it must be their own fault they aren't loved—while begging for a parent to see them. So...

"How you're savior has abandoned you"

"Praise the one who left you broken down and paralyzed, He did it all for you"

And then something a little similar for the way I think about it with Alex and Rip

The betrayal of seeing Rip get lost to addiction and then him killing that kid, when Alex saw him as something far more than just a leader. That all crumbling down the more he watches Rip get exceedingly more lost, more angry and hateful.

"oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you"

But there's that voice reminding him how much Rip sacrificed for him, for the team.

"He did it all for you"

Also, dare I say...

"He did it all for you" but it's Bear saving Alex's life over and over

Okay now to Bear because I have MANY feelings about it and it'll probably be far less coherent

I adore his writing throughout the show SO goddamn much. Questioning everything so much and being so sure he's let down a god he's starting to lose faith in. GOD it's so good.

But actually onto the song bit before I get off track too much

Obviously we're gonna start with the beginning

"oh so many ways for me to show you how your savior has abandoned you"

Sarah's death, failure to give Lena the kid she wanted, Rip being kidnapped, Buckley dying, being unable to generally protect his team, Alex's TBI, Lena's death. The list, I swear, it just keeps going. He has never had a day of peace in his life. He can pray as much as he wants, go to church, go to confession, but it never made a difference, did it? Death follows him, he kills everything he loves.

"fuck your god, your lord, your christ (he did this)"

The anger of never being helped and saved the way he prayed over and over. The hatred for the way he can do everything right, and it still always falls through. Someone gets hurt, he loses another piece of him.

"took all you had, and (left you this way). Still you pray, never stray, never (never taste of the fruit)"

No matter how much he gives, how many times his knees hit the kneelers in the pews of the church, how many times he dares to sit in the dark booth of the confessional, no sins he's ever repented for ever made anything better. And yet, he still goes back and tries over and over without ever getting the relief of his god giving him what he's been praying for. He remains faithful, even as it all comes crashing around him, he kneels in the rubble because if he prayed enough, he could still be saved—though maybe his sins are too heavy now.

"even though he's the one who did this to you, never thought to question why"

In a way, I think some of Alex's questioning and influence rubbed off on him in his vulnerable, confused state with how many times he told Bear to "let the universe do its thing". Making him truly think about the fact that his faith has gotten him nowhere but further inside his head.

"Not like you killed someone, it's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side. Talk to Jesus Christ as if he knows the reasons why, he did it all for you."

Bear trying to reason why his prayers were never answered when others got theirs. He confessed, he repented, he went to church, he did everything right. No matter how much he prays, he never gets an answer.

Bear is so helpless I love him. I love hurting him. I love reading into him. ANYWAY

Now onto Thomas...

"humble and helpless, learning to pray, praying for visions to show me the way"

After losing so much, being unable to find his own way back to both himself and the church, Bear feels like he has to start all over again just to get back to the way he felt about his faith before all this. It used to feel so correct on him, back when he hadn't done anything wrong yet. He needs something to guide him back when he can't enter those doors by himself yet—he doesn't want to

"Allow me to be forgiven, show me the way to let go, show me the way to forgive you"

His anger and guilt always makes itself front and center when he tries to get on his knees and pray the way he was taught. He can't let go and forgive himself, but he can't forgive his god either. It's not something he can do by himself, after the horrible things he's done, all the blood on his hands never washes away and leaves him stained.

"I'm just praying for you to show me where I'm to begin"

Getting silence after begging and pleading for there to be any sign to show him his way back, trying over and over because that's all he's ever been able to fall back on. A god he can't see, a religion he's losing faith in. He can't begin again, and there's no one to guide him back anymore

He needs it, more than anything. Going to talk with his priest, trying to find an answer for the bad things that happened because of him. Using his questions to try to reach out and get a grasp on any remainder of the god he's been pulling away from for too long.

There's nowhere else to go. The hand he reaches out never meets anything, despite his prayers and cries, there's no one on the other side hearing him.

"Hoping to... (hoping to), help me to reconnect to you"

But he still tries, he goes back and sits at the very back in the pews, with his head down and his rosary in his hands. Following along with mass, muttering everything back as prompted. He needs to find his way back, even though he can't grab anything when he reaches out anymore, it feels like his pleas go out to an empty room and only he can hear them echo back to him.

If he keeps trying, if he begs enough, someone would hear his prayers and he'd be back where he was before—content in his faith

Honestly I didn't read like most of this back so there's probably errors in there but WOO I am feeling SILLY

[bri-jo-g]

Before the Anger— episode 67, "Message Tone (pt. 2)"

This is a very chaotic episode, maybe because I was feeling chaotic while making it. (I finished it in one day so that I could do a double upload lmao) I made it pretty desaturated because idk Gaster is boring

Hey, there's baby Papyrus in the comic!

Gaster is very sassy in this comic he hasn't had his coffee yet /j

Although Papyrus recording a message tone without permission is a reasonable thing to be upset at, the punishment has to fit the crime. I don't think Gaster quite understands that concept...

((“A ‘god’, as my father used to say, is… something with ultimate power. The power to create and to destroy. A god would be completely unmatched.” Chara explained. Asriel was about to respond, but Toriel walked in from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. She had heard the conversation. “Let’s not talk about such morbid things. There is no such thing as gods or witches or whatever else.”))

That's the end of this side story!! This is first mention of disturbing religious themes, but Chara is the only character who talks about it, with very occasional exceptions of Gaster mentioning it. Other than Chara and Gaster, everyone else has a different interpretation of a god.

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Table of Contents

Binge Version (WEBTOON)

Oh hey.

In the middle of my chaos I asked my brother to make this comic for me. So I gave him the script and Well uh here's @adamslayz4evr 's version of this episode

Highlights: pregnant gaster, ravenous Sans, Papyrus sleeping in doghouse, and Gaster doing the Macarena. Honorable mention: the sky in the underground fsr

[mrs-understoods-blog]

I hate what my hands have created... please enjoy (?) Charles's expirences with religous abuse as a queer man

Without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin? (6500 words) by Mrs_Understood Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: X-Men - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Sex Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr & Charles Xavier, Raven | Mystique & Charles Xavier Characters: Charles Xavier, Erik Lehnsherr, Raven | Mystique (X-Men), Kurt Marko, Sharon Xavier, Ellie Phimister Additional Tags: Period-Typical Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Charles Xavier Needs a Hug, Hurt Charles Xavier, Angsty Charles Xavier, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Child Neglect, Underage Drinking, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Religious Guilt, Religion, Catholic Guilt, Catholicism, Gay Catholic Guilt, Gay, Gay Pride, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Happy Ending, Whump, Charles Xavier Whump Series: Part 43 of The Highs And Lows Of Cherik Summary: Charles is a queer youth in 1930's catholic boy school. And no matter how hard he tries, he will never be good enough. Nothing can wash his sins away. Not when his sin is a part of his very soul. He tries time and again to be what they want. Tries to understand this book they call holy, tries to live by the rules…   but how can you live by the rules when they don't either? And what do you do when the lines they use to persecute you are twisted and scewed. And how can you ever confess your sins when your telepathy shows you, clear as day, how much the Father of your church hates who you love?   ///a fic exploring religious trauma, homophobia, abuse, the queer community, and the belief that in spite of it all… it might actually get better.

[thealpacaavenger]

Here we go. This is my tadc au. It was originally created as a theory as to why Jax is afraid of corn and why his avatar is a rabbit. It later evolved into a full-blown au, which then branched out into an au of an au that I’ll explain another time. With that out of the way, here’s the explanation (which turned into a fanfic halfway through) (TW for mentioned abuse, homophobia, and violence)

Jax (at the time, Jackson) was a closeted gay teenager living with his hyper-conservative Christian parents. Despite his situation, he still had a mischievous streak. This usually just surfaced in spooking birds and tipping cows, though. On occasion, he would prank strangers when he and his father went to the market. Water buckets on doors, Whoopi cushions, that type of thing. He was always careful his father never saw, though,

His father was actively abusive, and used physical punishment (abuse) in order to ingrain his dominance of the family in Jackson’s mind. Jack’s mother was very inactive in his life. She was there, but she was never a source of comfort for the kid. She remained distant, which was likely due in part to his father’s tendency toward violence. The family lived on a farm in the country. Behind it was a huge cornfield. Jackson was usually the one who ended up doing the chores his father didn’t want to. Such as managing manure and doing checkups on the silo.

One day, though, Jack met a guy named Marco. Marco was a pretty standard casual goth. He had the cross earrings, the black hair that was nearly draped over his eye, and a gray striped shirt, which in hindsight is kinda reminiscent to how the crying child looks in FNAF 4. Anyway, they fell for each other.

The two hung out on a pretty regular basis. Early in their relationship, Jackson would often lose track of time and forget to come home on time, and as a result, forget to do assigned chores. This never panned out well.

this led to concern on Marco’s part, which was always brushed off by Jack.

Despite this, Jackson still found a way to have fun with his newfound partner in crime

They liked going to “rendezvous” points pretty often. Namely, the cornfield. The place was big enough that they would never get found, but it was close enough to the house so that if Jack needed to get back quickly, he could.

One fateful day, Jackson decided it would be fun to meet at night. He would wait until his father had gone to sleep, and then he would sneak out into the field where he would meet Marco. Of course, though, things never went to plan.

Jackson’s father was awoken by a sudden noise in the middle of the night. The sound of a door shutting close. He was the paranoid type, to be sure. He had to be if he didn’t want his crops to get eaten. So, like any sensible man, he grabbed his shotgun from the wall and went searching in the cornfield.

Meanwhile, Jack and Marco were having a lovely romantic evening. The two stood in the moonlight, just basking in each other’s company. Marco was probably the best thing to ever happen to Jack. The two’s eyes drifted from the sky and locked with each other. In that moment, they both knew what was coming next. However, as they closed their eyes and began to lean in and touch lips…

BANG

A gunshot rang across the cornfield, the sound of it sending a flock of birds resting in a tree nearby fleeing in fear. Jackson would have turned toward the noise had he not heard another. The sound of something falling to the ground. He opened his eyes.

It was Marco. He fell to his knees and held his head. He had no chance to say his final words. He was already dead. Jack looked up to see who could have done this? Who would kill a child?

His father stood in front of the moon, shotgun still at the ready as it glinted in its light. Despite the dark, Jack could see that his face was contorted in an unmistakable anger. No, rage. A million emotions were in his eyes. Hate, disgust, betrayal. Jack was feeling all of the same things.

He was at a complete loss for words in that moment. Tears crawled quietly down his face as he stared up as his father. A murderer.

They were locked in a long silence. Jack debated on moving. He wanted to run. Desperately. But what if he ended up dead too? For a brief moment, his father’s grip loosened on the gun, a moment of regret, maybe. Humanity. He took the opportunity.

Jack ran for his life. He could hear his father yelling as he made more distance. He heard the gun fire again. Was he trying to kill him?

He ran between stalks of corn, hardly knowing where he was even going. Just away. Like a rabbit being chased away from a farmer’s crops.

Eventually, he made it to the barn. Distantly, he made out the sound of cows mooing in alarm within it. What he really noticed, however, was the truck parked next to it.

Jackson quickly climbed in the truck, the scent of cigarettes so potent he could almost taste it. Luckily, the key was in the car. He turned it, blessing all things good that it started immediately. He thrusted the gearshift, his palms so sweaty his hand almost slipped. He slammed the accelerator and rode off as fast as he could, his sight blinded by tears.

He was knocked back into reality when he felt his body thrust forward suddenly. The airbag activated soon after.

Dazed, he hopped out of the car, feeling oddly numb. He looked up at the building he crashed into. It looked to be falling apart a little A large sign was on the side of the building. ‘C&A’

aaaaand that’s a wrap! This ended up turning into a fanfiction instead of an explanation, but that’s fine. You like that more anyway, right?

tl;dr Jax’s dad was abusive and homophobic and when Jax went to go make out with his boyfriend in the cornfield his dad saw them about to kiss and went “ew gay” and shot said boyfriend. Fun fun fun.

[pyre-of-pages]

A Reflection on Grief

Tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of my mother's death. I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Losing her was my worst nightmare. She'll not be there for my wedding. She will never get to spoil any grandkids she may have. I got to see her attend other people's weddings. I got to see her get excited for the babies of family friends. Part of me still feels like I failed her. She was so excited for my wedding one day. She was so excited for her grandbabies.

The only thing I can say is: life's not fair.

There's literally no reason my family had to get torn apart by cancer. I know we are only one of millions of families who are every year. I know my specific grief isn't unique.

That doesn't mean it still isn't fair.

I saw it coming for two years. Two years before she was declared terminal, I saw it coming when the cancer came back. It came back right before my mom would've been declared cancer free. Ain't that just the biggest "fuck you"? My mother believed in the Christian God. She thanked Him in advance for healing her. I watched her sob in her death bed because her prayers went unanswered.

I'm not a religious woman; but I truly feel if a sentient deity exists out there, it is cruel. I'm much more comfortable with the idea of no grand Maker existing than to think one does see this type of pain and allows it to happen.

Grief tends to paint over the one you lost with rose tint -- but I still very much remember the physical and emotional abuse my mother caused me when I was small. I still love her because we were lucky enough to receive that healing and help -- and I received many a heartfelt apology. It doesn't erase it -- I still remember that trauma -- but the closure makes it easier to accept and heal from even now.

What I've learned in this first year without my biggest life cheerleader is . . . well, I can do it.

I'm living in the worst possible outcome for my family.

I'm living in a world where multiple childhood dreams for my life are dead forever -- not just those involving my mother.

I'm well-aware that if a younger me had seen this life coming, I would have chosen not to live it. But I AM living it. I AM surviving, and I see no reason to quit now.

In summary:

I've surprised myself this year by simply continuing to exist -- and by continuing to be happy. Without the decade-long dark cloud of illness and death hanging over my life, I'm free to relax again. The things that upsets me before because it triggered an intense fear of losing my mother are no longer an issue. I feel less pressured to reach certain life goals within a set amount of time -- until Mom died, I had no conscious realization that intense stress and pressure on myself was because of her illness.

I've learned I can survive my worst nightmare, and still find reasons to keep going.

I've learned I am more capable than I thought I was -- both mentally and physically.

The unknown future used to terrify me down to my smallest atom. Now, the unknown feels less scary. When you've already experienced the worst you feared and lived well on the other side of it -- there's nothing left to fear.

I have no choice but to live the rest of my life with this loss. It's not fair that I have to. It feels like a really surreal, sick joke some days. But two years ago, I thought if I stood where I am right now my world would be in tatters with no reason to carry on with joy in my heart.

I've learned I was wrong.

I've learned I can carry a heavy burden with more ease than I thought.

And I'm proud of that.

[bennubirdreadz]

Ben Talks: A Deep Dive Into One of the Most Disturbing Scenes Between Harry and Dumbledore in the Entire Series

There is a scene in book 7, The Half-Blood Prince, in which Harry goes to Dumbledore’s office for one of his “lessons” about Voldemort’s past. In this specific meeting, Dumbledore asks if Harry has managed yet to retrieve the memory from Professor Slughorn. What follows is a fairly short back-and-forth that took me THREE DAYS to get through, because I found it genuinely so upsetting that after almost every sentence, I had to put the book down and walk away.

Here are a couple of excerpts from this section, barely more than a page long, which I want to address directly:

A hot, prickly feeling of shame spread from the top of Harry’s head all the way down his body. Dumbledore had not raised his voice, he did not even sound angry, but Harry would have preferred him to yell; this cold disappointment was worse than anything.

Silence fell between them again, the most uncomfortable silence Harry had ever experienced with Dumbledore; it seemed to go on and on, punctuated only by the little grunting snores of the portrait of Armando Dippet over Dumbledore’s head. Harry felt strangely diminished, as though he had shrunk a little since he had entered the room. When he could stand it no longer he said, “Professor Dumbledore, I’m really sorry. I should have done more … I should have realised you wouldn’t have asked me to do it if it wasn’t really important.” “Thank you for saying that, Harry,” said Dumbledore quietly. “May I hope, then, that you will give this matter higher priority from now on?“ […] I’ll do it, sir, I’ll get it from him,” Harry said earnestly. “Then we shall say no more about it just now,” said Dumbledore more kindly.

Dumbledore firstly expects Harry to be able to accomplish a task he himself could not manage, a task that he does not even need done. Dumbledore already knew Voldemort had made multiple horcruxes, he already knew what most of them were, and already suspected Voldemort had intended a total of seven. He does not need this memory. And yet, despite all that, he still expresses deep disappointment in Harry, which he uses to make Harry feel ashamed.

He strips away all his warmth, kindness, and friendliness that he usually gives Harry, until Harry says what Dumbledore wants to hear (I messed up, I should’ve listened to you, I’ll do better next time). And the moment Harry says these things, Dumbledore goes back to normal and acts as if none of it happened.

This is what my abuser did to me. He was my school administrator as well as the high school teacher (it was a private christian school, every employee played multiple roles). He would bring me into his office, impress upon me the ways I had let him down (whatever it was that day, and I never understood what I had done wrong) and then would sit in cold silence until I broke down in tears and promised to do better, to be better, to never let him down again. He would force me to sit in the feeling of shame he manufactured, and once I gave in and validated his berating, he would go back to being the “kind”, warm, friendly teacher I usually knew.

I was left feeling drained and emotionally exhausted, and like I could not trust myself to make decisions, because he taught me that I was always going to make the wrong one.

This is emotional abuse. It is disgusting that Rowling wrote this and uses it to portray Dumbledore as the benevolent, understanding mentor who does not even shout when he’s displeased (he just gets cold and distant instead). It shows her complete lack of understanding of what healthy dynamics and relationships look like.

It also is yet another way in which she modeled Dumbledore after the Christian God without realizing how blatantly this proves that her version of God is inherently abusive.

I was taught growing up that if you turn from God, if you choose to live in sin, he cannot or will not even hear your prayers. He withdraws completely, removing all his so-called “love” until you capitulate and prostrate yourself before him again.

I say it again: This. Is. Abuse.

It is one of the less visible forms. It does not involve screaming or physical violence or gaslighting. That does not make it any less harmful.