#themes: religious abuse

[defire]

As an abuse survivor, you are just fetishizing child abuse. Plain and simple. Call it a coping mechanism or a power take-back all you want, but it's just an excuse to write porn about child abuse. I pity people like you, truly, I do. I can only pray that you eventually see a therapist about your internalized pedo behavior.

Cw: RANCID ask ⬆️

I'm so glad you brought this up because I don't like to speak for people like you--I'd rather combat these opinions directly.

Since you're praying, I'll feel free to make biblical allusions. (Tw)

First, the word "fetish". My opinion: I don't find fetishes or porn too helpful for processing trauma--it's more like exposure therapy. At some point you do need to actually grieve and process what happened. I don't judge those who do that (you're not hurting anybody♥️), but that's not what Survivor Fiction is for.

When you're judging whether something is bad or good, you can use the "tree by its fruits" concept. Basically, if a tree produces good fruit, it's a good tree. If it produces bad fruit, it's a diseased/bad tree.

So let's look at what Survivor Fiction does for survivors specifically.

It brings healing. I (a new author!) have already received five testimonies that have said how much my writing helped them move through some of their trauma and see things in a different, calmer way.

Survivor Fiction brings peace. A surprising amount of the community--90.5% in a poll involving 1,543 voters--use whump stories to go to sleep at night. (Many trauma survivors have difficulty sleeping from flashbacks. Fiction along the same lines can offer an appropriate sense of distance from the fear.)

It helps disabled people. It appears that a strong majority of our community is autistic. Part of the diagnosis is emotional dysregulation. We need to be walked through how to do things in great detail. Survivor Fiction often walks the reader through the process of trauma, reaction, ptsd, and recovery.

It spreads awareness. Survivor fiction is often more accurate to real-life abusive situations instead of glossing it over--in other words, LYING--about what goes on. This can bring a 3rd party perspective to a current victim too, giving them the understanding that they are being abused and need to escape if possible.

For a more thorough explanation of why fiction about survivors is good and necessary, see this post.

Okay, so would "bad fruit" look like? Do you see any of the following from our community? ↙️

Doing these things in real life

Being generally hurtful of others

Hurting children in real life

Harming emotions by pushing unwanted content to people who would be triggered by it? (Quite the opposite, we tend to post exhaustive content warnings before the content.)

Something else that's actually wrong and not just a thought crime?

And here's the fruit of your words, which I'm sure we all heard the jist of many times before:

You encourage covering up evil. Trying to hide fiction that more accurately describes pain, abuse, and PTSD means hiding the truth. Stifling the exposure of just how evil it is to abuse someone like this. The righteous walk in the light, but the wicked hide their deeds in the darkness.

Your words are shaming. Shame causes pain to fester and act out in harmful ways, such as repeating abuse cycles, self-harm, and dangerous overreactions. Christian ideology here--shame is what caused Adam and Eve to hide from God.

You are lying. You implied that we harm people in real life without any reason to think so. And also implied that we want to be in the aggressor's position. Generally speaking we identify most with the victim.

Referencing Christianity here, if you're christian--Your words condemn the Bible. The bible is full of stories much darker than most of what is written here. You'll read about rape, and the cannibalism of one's own children in Lamentations, among other things.

You're hurting yourself. You will be judged with the measure you judge others with. This is because if you judge others harshly for their thoughts, you'll instinctively judge yourself just as harshly. You end up hurting yourself and others over something that wasn't even doing any harm in the first place.

Causing confusion. What you said was illogical. If it's fiction where the damage occurs, we should be blaming the fictional aggressor--not the writer reporting it. If it's reality where the damage occurs, we should be blaming real criminals--not the journalist. The truth is that writing about survivors isn't generally harmful.

In short, you're creating a lot of problems and not helping. Did this ask come from a loving place?

This answer I'm giving, does.

[aphidclan-clangen]

part 2 out of 3

[fishersfall]

Procrastinated last night and drew some more edgy art of Travis :)

[beetlelegs2003]

Heather and “The Hum”

[rottenn-angel]

[winchesterlesbian]

I want to make a joke like "rip Sam Winchester you would have loved Nosferatu" but I'm gonna be real watching that movie would make Sam have a mental breakdown

[peculiaritty]

Sunday character study/trauma study

Again! before i start this ramble there is tw for religious themes, abuse, mental illnesses (ocd especially) and grooming so please if you have any triggers regarding those please don't read ^^ 2.2 Penacony spoilers so please be warned and future leaks and/or theorys may be involved. NO future storyline leaks though. This might be split into parts- not sure! Things might be hyperlinked and these will count as my reference/evidence, theres no need to read them unless you're curious!! There might be a part two on this when Sunday does come out ! Edited 18/05 to correct mistakes/add things i forgot about it OK. Lets begin: GOD. Poor Sunday, i think a lot of people has seen Sunday's abuse unnoticed, and i honestly can't blame some people because sometimes we don't automatically pick up everything unless we are actively looking for something. Sunday is a very interesting character, and i don't necessarily think he is 'evil-evil' per say, he is more of a morally grey character rather than being right up evil. Some major pointers i want to bring up and will be discussed: -> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA dreammaster. -> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes -> Sunday/robins ideologies -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!)

-> neglect, emotional abuse and the grooming of Sunday by Gopher Wood AKA Dreammaster.

The most clear thing we can see as of right now without any reading between lines- Robin and Sundays bond. They care for eachother very much, we know that Sunday is the eldest brother, we already know that from right off the bat, that he is indeed the protector of Robin. Such as any older sibling usually feels towards those born after them. Sunday in no doubt in my mind has firstborn syndrome, basically the main 'burden-holder' between the two. This is the first fact we need to understand before we delve in. Due to Sundays natural-protectiveness of his sister that leaves Sunday at the face/brunt of Gophers ideals, which means sacrificing himself at any cost. Which may be why Robin remains currently unaffected or/not as self-destructive as Sunday. One thing that is easily skipped over and not noticed, Gopher and Sunday share a completely transactional-non-familial bond as they seem to not have the common father-son bond what so ever, Sunday only refers to Gopher as master which hints at the wedge between them. Gopher has ever only inspired and encouraged Sundays pessimistic behavior, such as when the Charmony Dove fell, we can assume that both Sunday and robin are extremely young at the time, i position them to be around 6-8, while at this age children do start to grasp that death in permanent, in no way should a child i quote be saying anything along the lines of "i think people believe birds are meant to fly...because they've never seen those birds crashing to their death." while this 'kind voice' (Gopher) does seem unbiased and passive, there is no reason unless you have actively convinced and taught a child to think that way. While children do come to gain their own beliefs, and ideals, siblings usually remain with the same ideas and beliefs until they reach around 10-12 where puberty starts. The belief gap at such a young age between Robin and Sunday is too big for it to be just "growing up" most if not all children take joy in being naïve- and cheerful. it is only when we come to abused, groomed, depressed and neglected children we start to see such pessimistic behavior. Sunday does have first-born child syndrome, it is also a bit of a worry of how stoic and 'unfeeling' he is. He doesn't confine in anyone, and while yes, we could say this is normal- but in normal, healthy environments people always have someone to confine in. Sunday doesn't have that. This could purely be just his personality- as some people are simply coded that way. It just strikes differently when we compare Child Sunday unto his adult self, as seen in Robins trailer BOTH of them had artistic aspirations, and even though there is no 'heavy' implication, that one tear indicates to me that Sunday was indeed the more emotional one. Growing out of hobbies is normal, but Sunday is lacking of life, he generally looks lifeless. He could've grown out of them, but what I read between the lines is extreme shaming and guilt. The need to be 'perfect'. Just so he could be the 'sun' in the sky and maybe even please Gopher.

Another thing to point out- his OCD yes. This is another thing that is hidden but only few people have found. In this scenario i am not fond of actually just saying its because of his connection to Ena. i am more fond- and find it much more reasonable that it has impacted and grown from his trauma. While i will not clarify which i believe he has since thats leaning more into headcanon territory. Unhealthy childhood environments and events predispose and increase the risk of various psychiatric disorders and OCD is one of them. It is clear that Sunday has been indoctrinated and been taught to think the way he does now. The family is cultish and it doesn't seem to act as one, everyone has their own ideals- and motives, including Gopher. Grooming does not have to be sexual in order for it to be considered grooming, grooming is defined as when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. In this scenario, Gopher has essentially groomed Sunday to exploit him and use him as a sacrifice. Groomed and abused, religious abuse seems to be a big one in this especially considering the huge religious imagery in Penacony, but it is important to point out some common symptoms of religious abuse is doubtful faith and compulsive perfectionism which resemble in Sunday. Most times, religious abuse is often paired with other forms of abuse, most commonly being sexual grooming and emotional abuse. This does not leave other forms of abuse out such as physical however. Gopher has 'trained' Sunday to think this way (Sundays ideaology), and indoctrinated him for his own use, and you can see it in Sundays extreme ways of dealing with his belief. there is clear there's an external force in his thinking- Gopher.

-> The 'family' dynamics and attitudes To continue, the family- as again, all have very different ideals, and motivations in Penacony. They act as completely separate entities yet still collaborate with each other. One thing remains crystal clear to me, that this family- follows a royal family sort of dynamic, where everything is hushed, you mustn't be too emotional, or too illogical. Basically coming to the point where Sunday has directly been told to not worry about Robin. He was never allowed to grieve. He is not allowed to grieve which is a horrid thing to be put through. Even when Gopher does deliver the news of Robin being shot there is a lack of care, and concern, he sounds non-chalant, going on to mention, "once you've attended to your outstanding tasks…" In any family emergency of sorts, that's the last thing you want to be told, you want to be there as soon as possible. Gopher wood simply does not have enough care, or concern for both of his 'children.' While this is my pure assumption, i do have reason to believe that the Family does share a rather cold dynamic, such as any other usual dynamic that is seen in stories where there is a political, rich, or royal family.

lack of care towards children, and moreso encouraging less 'child-like' traits

Parental figures primarily not being involved in the childs care, it is most likely that both Robin and Sunday were raised by the servants of the house, while Gopher remained some sort of mentor towards the both of them.

Isolation from other children in different life scenarios/circumstances

- Most often, children in these scenarios get put into a protective bubble, unaware of the outside. henceforth, another reasoning why Sunday might be so scared of the outside world. -> Sunday/Robins ideologies Both of them are entirely separate eachother belief wise, but they have one goal in mind. Helping people. I would describe Robins ideals as being quite idealistic and soft, that has come to her naturally, and its quite sweet. she wants world where people can live how they want. Even if its a bad one. Sunday on the otherhand quite thinks the opposite, i would describe his as: 'To protect everyone, keep them safe from pain, and suffering, their freedom of choice must be taken so they will suffer no longer, even if that means sacrificing all that i have.' This comes on very intense, as he does you know. send an entire star system to sleep!! But, His idea isn't exactly wrong. As in those questions he posed to us- we would've done the same if we were in the same scenario. Of course- if one of our siblings we knew were going to get shot in the future because of the path they chose- we would do our best to do that. It makes sense. But logically, and emotionally speaking, it is not in our best interest to control other lives and what they wish for, and what they dream for. What does Sunday want? Nothing. he is entirely swallowed with trying to help other people. He has no dream for himself. His dream- is others peoples dreams. What Sunday wanted, out of the goodness of his own heart, and the unfortunate abuse he has been put through, essentially what we call a utopia/dystopia. IT IS utopian to think of a world without pain, with harmony, where everyone is happy. But because of our nature as people, we want choice. so to us IT IS dystopian to think of a world were we have no choice, were we live on autopilot always content. He seeks escape, and he's not ashamed of it. The most common reason people seek escape, is because they're scared. They are scared of facing what they need to face. He is scared, he does not wish to see pain and suffering, he knows and purely thinks things are doomed from the start. Its almost nihilistic. And i understand it. paired with his childhood, Gopher and how he gets stuck in the confessional box hearing the most horrendous things, i would be like him too. "is this apart of your plan?" It is Gopher who brought the order to Penacony. That line above, implies that this wasn't Sunday's plan at all. Gopher was going to use Robin in the first place, but Sunday, again, being the oldest took the forefront of the indoctrination and abuse- thats how he now blindly believes in it. Gophers plans and his reason why hasn't been revealed. but i doubt it was because he genuinely cared for his people. It is depressing to see who Sunday is as a person, purely pessimistic, and so lost but obsessed with his belief, but to me and other people he is relatable; to him, things don't get better. he wants to stay in the moment. Suspended in a dream that is too perfect to be true. He seeks escape, escape for everyone. Things do get better, whether that is now, or later. We just need to keep trying and continuing on, no matter how tiring it is. -> headcanons, character design choices and religious imagery (Not a deepdive into the imagery!) UP TO MY FAVOURITE BIT!! ok, heres something that genuinely makes me want to explode, because if this is on purpose it is brilliant. Pointed out by Matchua and i actually think the first to notice it. his wings look clipped.

They don't seem very oval and/or similar to how normal bird wings would look. This can also be seen in Harmony MC's splash art too, the Raven being Sunday, and of course, the Charmony dove, Robin.

While the birdcage imagery is used on Robin, i think it is so damn powerful that if this is a deliberate design choice, that Sunday has been clipped. Depending on the clipping, it renders birds unable to fly until they grow back, and even then there is horrendous people out there who permanently injure the bird by clipping it wrong so its never able to fly again. A birdcage has a key. But once you take away a birds wings like that, it cant fly. It represents how Sunday can never seemingly become his normal self again, he will always be consumed by his pessimism and fear for the world around him. how there is seemingly 'no hope' We know that Robin is not clipped because in her skill her full wings pop out (even if this is just an effect...still) It also represents how damaging abuse is, how it takes away someones dignity and freedom. Religious imagery!! i'm sure you can find some super deep dives into it but i think one of the main things is how Sunday represents Jesus from the Christian bible. The thorns across his coat tie in deeply with the fact that on the crucifix, Jesus was given a thorn crown which was used to belittle and mock him. Sunday falls back in the crucifix pose. He is the sacrifice. Not exactly to purge them of sin, but to give them an Eternal paradise. (which in Christianity, is what the purging of sin does, it gives us an eternal paradise next to God.) Headcanons: -> i believe Sundays OCD to either be of the Religious, Harm or Order OCD. i see all three occurring, but rather more on the Order/Religious side. -> Sunday is a people pleaser, no buts!! -> He has alot of shame and self hatred towards himself for wanting things, as he believes it doesn't make him 'perfect' -> He strikes me to have some form of anxiety, again this can tie in with the OCD -> His small/awkward chuckles are just him trying to cope, i feel like he does it alot more when he is anxious though, towards the end of the quest he doesn't chuckle, which officially means hes lost it (lmao poor guy) -> Very scared of making mistakes. Really small ones too. (as you find in some abuse victims.) -> jealous of his sister but he could never come to hate her, he just wishes he was able to participate in being creative too but i do think he was shamed for that, for being 'childish'. Robin was the 'jewel' of the family. Sunday never was. -> as some abuse victims do, he probably never understood or came to understand that Gopher was abusive to him, maybe after 2.2 possibly. And when he does come to understand God. He's got a lot of healing to do in himself. A lot of anger, grief, sadness- tons of processing. -> He doesn't like hugs at first because he was really not hugged as a child, but when he does get hugged it absolutely destroys him because he really really loves being validated and being held. Something that he lacked so much as a child. -> As birds do when their stressed, Sunday plucks the feathers out of his wings, which leads to him being insecure about them so he never really shows them, which is why he keeps them neatly folded Infront of his waist and hides the back part of his wings with his coat. -> Forgets to eat, drink and bathe due to working so much. He gets so lost in his work he's probably stayed up for more than 48 hours. (ok like i know its the dreamscape but listen.) -> I didn't add this into the first part, but including all of the other things i mentioned, Sunday was alot more quiet/introverted as a child as i interpret him to be, while Robin was more of a blabbermouth. So thats why Gopher decided on Sunday instead, lesser chance of anyone finding out about what he was teaching. -> Never had a day of rest in his life. He needs a break. That's pretty much all i've got to say though (i'm going to spare you from my headcanons i have on his behaviors. that list is LONG.), i just think Sunday is a really interesting yet heartbreaking character at the same time. Very relatable to alot of people. He's not genuinely evil. Just severely misguided and hurt. Thx for reading <3

[aftgficrec]

Staff Recs - Christmas/Winter Quickies 1: Families

Sweet and bitter: settle in for family-focused fluff, heavy angst, and everything in between. – AFTG Fic Rec Fam

previous christmas:

‘Identical’ here (nicky & the twins)

‘The Cousins’ series part 4 and ‘All I want for Christmas (is some peace)’ here (nicky & the twins)

‘Little Miracles’ here (nicky & the twins)

‘I’m going to make this place your home’ here (mary & neil) 

‘He Looks Just Like You’ here (neil has a twin)

‘Counting Stars’ series here (nerik & twins) 

‘It’s Not Family Without Love’ ch 7, 8 here (nicky & twins)

‘Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder’ here (twins)

‘Son of a Exy!’ part 17 here (andreil parenting)

‘First Christmas’ here (andreil parenting)

‘Where the Lovelight Gleams’ here (andreil parenting)

‘Andrew and Neil Family's Adventures’ part 14 here

‘tis the season to be folly’ (andreil & nerik), ‘christmas in a place called home,’ and ‘hard candy christmas’ (andreil, nicky & the twins) here

‘To Become An Angel (You Have To Die First)’ here (magic, andreil, nicky & the twins)

‘Rocking Around the Christmas Tree’ here (andreil, twins)

‘Under the Christmas lights’ (nerik & twins) here

‘lock away that winter of mine’ here (nicky & the twins)

‘A Snow Globe for Monsters’ here (harry potter, twins)

‘penchant’ here (andreil, betsy & the twins)

winter:

‘The architecture of flight’ here (harry potter, neil & nathan)

‘For He’s a Jolly Good Felon’ here (nicky & the twins)

‘Brother’s Best-Friend’ here (twins)

‘The Long Winter’ here (andreil, nicky & the twins)

‘the snow is melting’ here (time travel, dadmack, mary hartford)

Family of six, two cats and a dog by ThePureMonster [Rated T, 12352 Words, Complete, 2024]

Part 2 of Andreil’s Family, part 1 here (now complete)

A family fanfic that will consist of drabbles. Each new chapter will be a sketch from the life of Neil, Andrew and their children: the graduation of school, the first grade, the first vacation with the whole family, holidays and much more.

temporary tattoos, permanent partnership by poetic_ivy [Rated T, 2798 Words, Complete, AFTG Fall Exchange 2021]

“Andrew Joseph Minyard, what is that? Is that a ring? Is that a ring?”

NB: andreil, minyard & klose family focus, pov nerik’s son

AFTG Xmas Advent Calendar 2024 PSU Foxes by Fire_Bear [Collection, Rated G/T/M, Incomplete, AFTG Advent 2024]

Part 3: Dinner [G, 1613 Words] (kevin & neil, kevin & wymack) It's time for Kevin to meet his biological dad for the first time and he's freaking out. Part 7: Tree [T, 1803 Words] (twins) Aaron is stuck shopping for a Christmas tree with his brother.  Part 10: Family [G, 1420 Words) (kataaron, nerik, twins) Aaron and Katelyn are hosting their first ever family Christmas.

fucking definitely by djhedy [Rated T, 7954 Words, Complete, 2021]

Kevin pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Andrew, with his tiny wireframes, is always telling him to get glasses that stay up there. But Kevin’s been told the big tortoiseshell frames suit him. So there. He looks over to where Andrew is reading the back cover of something with distaste. He grunts. Kevin says, “What’s wrong with that one?” Andrew barely flicks his eyes up at him before reading, “Fairytale romance, for teens, there was only one bed, goblincore…” “Goblincore?” Kevin shakes his head. “What is literature coming to?” - Kevin and Andrew work at a bookshop. Jeremy and Neil visit more than they need to.

NB: this keremy fic is featured here because of excellent dadmack

Punk-ass Cookie Monster by KweenDay [Rated T, 5386 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2021, Locked]

Neil and Andrew have kinda-sorta-maybe hated each other since the eighth grade. Now they're fighting over who will write the graduation article for the school newspaper. There's only one solution - a bet! Whoever wins the cookie baking contest gets to write it and the other will suck it up and let it go. There are cookies. Team Twinyards VS Team Neil & Kevin. There's only one... closet. 🤭

Let's Build a Place Like Here by permanentchaos  [Rated T, 3753 Words, Complete, 2018]

Christmas is a waste of his time, of everyone's time really. Nicky's just about stubborn enough to disagree, Andrew's not quite ready to change his mind.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction

Bury my memory in the snow by BrokenPineTree [Rated G, 738 Words, Complete, 2022]

“No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn.” -Hal Borland

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

kuddelmuddel by aconim [Rated T, 3435 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2022]

In which Aaron plots while remaining extremely oblivious, Andrew and Neil are just trying to live their lives, and Kevin knows too much. Featuring winter markets, hotel room plotting, and various failed schemes on Aaron's part.

AJMICKEY56's Fanfiction Palooza! by AJMICKEY56 [Rated G, Multifandom Collection, Complete, 2023]

Chapter 14: nicky centric fic mental health after Drake + twins helping

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: canonical character death, tw: intrusive thoughts, tw: depression

Christmas Tree Sprinkles by e_cat [Rated G, 1386 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange 2017]

In a world where Neil hides in Germany instead of Arizona, Andrew also moves to Germany, with Nicky, who is starting a coffee shop with Erik.

Photos of You by KittKatAttack [Rated G, 2807 Words, Complete, 2024]

Andrew has his picture taken and published in the school newspaper without his knowledge. He finds the culprit and gets them to stop but will that be the end of their interactions? Andrew seems to think so.

Season's Greetings by chronically_peach [Rated G, 2270 Words, Complete, 2022]

Andrew Minyard hates Christmas but he loves Neil Josten and Neil loves a stuffed fox he found at the mall. Despite his refusal to celebrate the holiday Andrew buys Neil the damn fox for Christmas.

All I Want For Christmas by exy_shmexy [Rated T, 5398 Words, Complete, 2024, Locked]

"Andrew was pretty sure that if he heard Mariah Carey’s voice one more time he would commit another felony." Or Andrew faces the horrors of going Christmas shopping right before Christmas.

Cold Feet, Warm Hearts by BelaBellissima [Rated T, 1362 Words, Complete, AFTG Winter Exchange 2018]

feat. twindyards bonding and Andreil dealing with the cold

bones of our chidhood by cave_canem [Rated T, 6263 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange 2017]

November 4th isn't a good day in the Minyard household, but it doesn't mean that it has to stay that way. Aaron, Andrew, and slowly mending their relationship (and their birthday).

a mother's love by Greenfallleaves [Rated T, 9259 Words, Complete, AFTG Then and Now 2023, Locked]

In the hell that was Neil's childhood, there were good moments too. Almost all of them included his mother. Mary cared about her boy. Or 5 relatively peaceful moments from Neil's childhood.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced abuse

December 10th by GhostOfNoah [Rated T, 876 Words, Complete, 2017]

a nightmare of Christmas past wakes Neil in the middle of the night

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Dear Santa, from AJM by neil-drew-kev (PharmaceuticalLoser) [Rated M, 2345 Words, Complete, 2024]

Andrew writing letters to Santa from the ages of 5-20.

tw: self harm, tw: blood, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: violence

Merry Christmas, Mr. Minyard by IKnowWhoYouAre_Damianos [Rated G, 3024 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2023]

Andrew's nieces want to know how he and Neil got together. He's more than okay with telling them about one of the best days of his life.

Firsts by AgapantoBlu [Rated G, 2574 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange Winter 2017, Locked]

The first time Nicky kisses Erik, it’s their third kiss, it’s on Christmas Eve, under a mistletoe twig, and he’s crying. A few of Nicky's firsts through his life.

tw: suicidal ideation, tw: religious trauma, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: vomit, tw: depression

Gotta Give It Up by mharris [Rated G, 4725 Words, Complete, 2018]

Andrew's feelings about Christmas and his relationship with his family through it. - Andrew assumed Nicky thought that they were one Lifetime Christmas movie away from being a normal family if only he could set the scene right. Andrew had watched Nicky try and try again for half a dozen years now to find the right formula to make them all love each other in a Hallmark Card sort of way. Nicky hadn’t yet realized Hallmark didn’t make cards for drug addicts and abuse survivors

tw: implied/referenced drug addiction, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

A Sad Christmas by Pryde_of_kittens [Rated G, 1271 Words, Complete, 2019]

Erik dies, and Nicky is not okay. But at least he isn’t alone.

tw: major character death

Finders Keepers by minyardlovebot [Rated G, 2313 Words, Complete, 2022, Locked]

Some would call it tedious, monotonous, slow paced. Andrew just calls it living. For once in his life he’s just living. And it’s not happy, it’s not glorious or joyful, but it’s so much more than he ever thought he’d have. He’s still getting used to it.

Reconcile. by OddlyBookish [Not Rated 4045 Words, Complete, 2019]

Aaron and Neil try to reconcile their friendship while Andrew tries to intervene.

tw: drug addiction, tw: violence, tw: blood

Socks for Christmas by HalfpintPeach [Rated G, 1676 Words, Complete, 2024]

On a last-minute shopping trip, Neil needs help figuring out Andrew's shoe size.

Ghosts of Past and Present by sunrise_and_death [Rated T, 1200 Words, Complete, AFTG Winter Exchange 2018, Locked]

Nicky wants all the magic of Christmas. Aaron wants a real Christmas. Andrew wants nothing at all.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year by Whoops_heck [Not Rated, 2698 Words, Incomplete (but can be read as a one shot), 2018]

Neil Josten has a complicated relationship with Christmas.

tw: attempted csa, tw: child abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: violence, tw: canonical character death

Thirteen Christmases of Andrew Joseph Minyard by notamisfitjustafreak [Rated M, 100 Words, Complete, 2017]

Andrew's first Christmas was with his mother who held him as she painted the snow red.

tw: major character death, tw: suicide, tw: implied referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

You've gone soft by @higgins5 [Tumblr, 2017]

Aaron wondered how their lives managed to turn out like this, something calm and filled with love. 

Andrew and Aaron in matching outfits by @storyalchemist [Tumblr Fic, 2019]

Nicky making a massive production out of holidays hc by @waestlandbaby [Tumblr, 2018]

moriyama family

all hail king killmonger by okayantigone [Rated M, 1442 Words, Complete, 2017, Locked]

…Riko becomes the heir apparent to the Moriyama empire, and gets everything he has ever wanted. Kevin's hand and future are saved. Everything changes.

tw: implied/referenced suicide

NB: this is tagged kevin/riko but it could be tagged as kevin & riko. It’s mainly kengo & riko.

They Say Tomorrow's Never Promised by auxprouvaires [Rated T/E, Collection, Incomplete, AFTG Advent Calendar 2024]

Thirty-one, 300 word Ichirou Moriyama centric mini-fics. Chapter 1: 'you should never have come here' - Ichirou & Riko ichirou moriyama & riko moriyama, universe: canon divergent, theme: winter, theme: families, theme: angst Chapter 2: 'you were just a child' - Kengo & Ichirou

winter

I feel the future looming and the tide of time subsuming and you by Silveriss [Rated G, 600 Words, Complete, 2016]

Part 1 of TFC Fantasy AU

It's a crisp day caught between winter and spring. The plateau shivers, drawing out long gasps in the breeze. Over the sleeping rocks the plains drop to give way to the valley, a haven far away from Palmetto or Nicky's parents. The future is looming, but time slows down on top of the windswept plateau.

happy birthday, by the way series by pipedreamparrish [Rated T, Collection, 2 complete works, Updated 2021]

Part 1: we'll take it slow (and grow as we go) [2755 Words] It is Aaron Minyard’s 14th birthday and he has just found out that he has a brother - a twin brother, an identical twin brother, who looks exactly like him and might just understand him, too. Maybe once he meets this brother of his, then they can celebrate their birthdays together. Maybe they can give each other presents, and eat cake, and blow out the candles using the combined forces of their breath. Maybe, maybe, maybe. (Andrew Doe spends his birthday choking down cake that Cas got him, trying to hide the fresh marks on his arm, and thinking about the best way to keep his mysterious brother as far away from him as possible) (or: the Twinyards's birthday's through the ages, featuring very ugly ties, large sugar intakes, and lots of growth and healing)

tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced child abuse and neglect, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction

Part 2: many stories have i told (but true dreams never die) [5099 Words] January 19, 1998 - Nathaniel Wesninski is 10 years old and he does not know it yet, but this will be the last birthday he ever spends in the house he has lived in for his entire life. January 19, 2021 - Neil smiles viciously, and when he catches a glimpse of his face in the plexiglass, he doesn’t see his father at all. (Or: Neil's time on the run vs now, told through birthdays real and fake. Feat: Kevin finally going skiing, Neil really loving exy, and finding your home)

tw: child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced murder, tw: blood/gore

he's the giggle at a funeral by manya [Rated T, 4418 Words, Complete, AFTG Exchange, Winter, 2018]

“Ooooooh.” Nicky said, eyes suddenly bright and interested. “A boy? A boy you like?” “I literally cannot stand anything he does.” Andrew is quick to correct. “It won’t work, anyway. He thinks I’m a freak.” “Well, first impressions have never been your forte.” Aaron said snidely, obviously thinking of their own disastrous first meeting. “And how the fuck was inviting him to watch your mother’s cremation supposed to disprove that first impression?” “Our mother’s cremation ceremony.”

rosy cheeks & auburn curls by allforthegayz [Not Rated, 3446 Words, Complete, 2021]

There were some things he didn’t mind, the colder it got, the more layers people wore and questions about his long sleeves became fewer, the special hot chocolate bee buys around this season, people slipping on ice and falling on their asses. He also doesn’t mind when the freezing temperatures mean a certain blue-eyed boy starts wearing outrageously oversized grandpa sweaters passed down from his uncle.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced drug addiction

The Art of Surviving the Holidays by adaintywomanofmystery [Rated T, 3231 Words, Complete, Andreil Week 2019, Locked]

Andrew hates Thanksgiving and refuses to participate, knowing it’s only going to end in disaster. Neil seems to think otherwise, and with a very persistent Nicky on their case, how can he

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

This is our beginning by queenofseventeen [Rated T, 6483 Words, Complete, 2019]

In a world where having magic can get you killed by the church Andrew, his brother and his cousin have fled the country but winter has come and with the cold come extra responsibilities. Like using enough magic to keep your plants alive that you could die or a small arctic fox bleeding out in the snow near your house. In which they almost die but they always go on.

tw: blood

Art

the twins have a nice christmas art by @aymmidumps

I never thought I’d have this art by @strokeofinspiration

Andreil featuring Nicky with a mistletoe. art by @eeriethacus

andreil domestic soft winter with kids art by @foxhole-court-girl

Andreil Christmas ft Milo art by @allfortheslay25 (more art and hcs here)

Neil with Andrew and Aaron and their Christmas tree art by @teomoy

Meeting Aaron and Katelyn’s daughter Part 1 Uncle Andrew | Part 2 Andreil art by @gremlinddrawss

Wymack and Kevin’s first Christmas art by @jojen-hewitt

Mistletoe series (families) by @emry-stars-art: andrew & oc son arlo  | sir & king  |  twinyards hug  |  twins & nicky 

[thewolffairytaler]

You're mine little sheep - part 4 | Thomas Hewitt x Female reader

_____________________________

Summary: Every action has consequences, and in this case, it's ignoring what your uncle has taught you for years. And because of that, you are forced to go through with the punishment that you hate the most.

Warning: Abuse, suggestions of sexual abuse/sexual assault, trauma, religious mentions, locked against will, & mentions of inappropriate behaviour.

Parts: Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, & eleven.

The house was never really that big or impressive, but it was a home that was enough for her mother's brother, since he had no desire to be seen as flashy or expensive. As if you even could get anything expensive looking in this town. But the living room did look fancy, a couple of beautiful items and furniture was placed there to replace the barely relaxing atmosphere. As if to hide what was the ulighted secrets in their supposed safe haven.

He barely noticed the house's appearance, or even if it was a home to him, as his focus solely remained on his work. His expression was a mix of annoyance and concentration, a clear sign that his thoughts were far from the comfortable living room. It seemed that he would've preferred to be working in a cold, unadorned cowshed, rather than the warmth of their shared home.

His expression unhurriedly change to one of realisation, for the reason that he had forgotten to do the simplest thing he should have done yesterday. But was too frustrated with his niece to even be thinking about such a thing in the first place. He sighed in frustration as he placed the spade fork on the rails and powerwalked his way to the house, going up to the kitchen to get the landline, needing to call the slaughterhouse of his niece's "sickness", and to tell the supervisor that she could work at home by the meantime. Only having her stay at home for three days at least.

His cold disposition only grew colder as he began pressing on the numbers. It was almost as if he was a completely different person, one who had nothing to do with the man in the shed just a moment ago. His voice low and sharp as he spoke to the man in glasses.

"Yes, I'm calling to inform you that my niece won't be coming in for a while. She's... under the weather. So I'm afraid she'll have to work from home for the next three days. Make sure her assignments are sent to our address."

He listened to the other end for a few moments before hanging up the phone, his face as rigid as ever. Her condition was the last thing on his mind, and he was merely going through the motions to ensure she wouldn't have any problems with her job.

He didn't like how she worked both day and night from Monday to Saturday. He didn't like her being outside, nowhere near him, close to other people. Close to- He wanted to grit his teeth at the idea of that.

The uncle's possessive nature flared as he allowed his thoughts to wander. His niece had two jobs, away from his protective gaze, and the thought didn't sit well with him. He knew the need for money, but it didn't ease the jealousy brewing within him.

The farm work wasn't enough to keep them afloat, and it only seemed to aggravate the situation. He couldn't afford to keep her from working, but the thought of her being around others, perhaps even forming connections, was enough to make his blood boil. He didn't want her to be close to anyone else but him, a desire that only served to fuel the fire of his possessiveness.

His eyes shifted to the hallway as he stared at the closet door, more accurately the closet room, it was used to store the many old chlothes or winter chlothings that they didn't need at the time. It was really quiet in their house, he was used to the silence, but not complete silence. Uncle's cold expression remained unchanged as he approached the closet, the sound of his heavy footsteps echoing through the empty hall. His fingers wrapped around the knob, and with a creak, the door swung open to reveal the dark, dingy interior.

The sight of the large, rusty cage on the floor sent a shudder down his spine. It was meant for someone, or in this case, someone specific. He couldn't bring himself to call her by her name, but she had become an unacceptable woman in his eyes. A woman who needed to be tamed, and that cage seemed like the perfect place for it.

He stared at the cage for a moment, watching her form, unable to escape, unable to be close to anyone else. The possessive thoughts that had been simmering beneath the surface rose to the top, fueling the fire that was growing within him. He knew this was wrong, but his desire to have her all to himself, to control her, was too powerful to ignore.

She didn't utter a single word as her somber expression looked up to meet his, hugging her knees for comfort whilst also making herself smaller to fit better in it. Since her growthspurt ended a while back, there was no reason to get a better cage. Why would he? When this one has been perfectly in tact for years.

Uncle's cold gaze met hers, not showing an ounce of compassion in his steely expression. He could sense her discomfort, her attempt at shrinking away from him, but it only made his resolve stronger.

"You need to learn your place, (Y/n)," he said with an authoritative tone, his voice firm and unwavering. "You've been nothing but a disappointment, and it's time you start accepting your responsibilities."

He approached the cage, making no move to help her slightly bruised cheek or remove the shackles that bound her. He wanted her to know the depths of her punishment, and it would start with this cage. "You'll stay here until I say otherwise."

With that, he exited the closet, the door slamming shut behind him, leaving her in the darkness of the confined space. He had no intention of making things easy for her. In fact, he planned to make her pay for her perceived transgressions by forcing her into this cage once again, hoping that it would be enough to bend her to his will.

"Uncle... Uncle, uncle!" Her pleading voice called out to him as she didn't want to stay in the darkness for any longer. She hated the dark, he knows it, and he kept on doing it.

"Hush, (Y/n)," he called back in a tone that left no room for argument, "your voice only grows louder outside. Do you want to draw unwanted attention to our home? You'll have to learn to keep quiet and accept your life, locked away until I deem it appropriate to free you."

Her pleas falling on deaf ears. The cold and cruel reality of her new situation set in as she realised she would have to endure the confines of her cage and the darkness that surrounded her, all at the mercy of her possessive and unforgiving uncle.

"B-But I swear, I didn't do anything else yesterday. I was just working overtime." She wanted so desperately to convince him, make him understand that she hadn't done anything wrong. Even if it was a lie. But she hadn't planned to do it, she just... she just.... She just wanted to spend some time with Thomas.

"Lies won't save you, (Y/n). I can see through your deceit, just as easily as I can see the sinful glances you've exchanged with other men."

His voice carried an air of finality as he addressed her. "You've been disloyal, and you'll have to pay the price. No more excuses, no more lies. You're mine, and you'll obey or face the consequences."

As he walked away from the closet, he couldn't shake the sense of satisfaction that came from seeing her caged and begging for mercy. It fed his possessiveness, the knowledge that she was at his mercy, and he knew he would use that power to keep her in check. He couldn't help but smirk as he thought about how her situation would force her to reconsider her actions and focus on their relationship.

In his mind, he was only doing what was necessary to keep her safe from the dangers that lurked outside. The world wasn't kind, and he was determined to keep her sheltered and under his control, no matter the cost. The cage and the darkness would serve as a reminder of the lengths he would go to ensure her loyalty and submission.

"I don't look at other men like that! I didn’t! I swear! Please, please uncle. I haven't done anything sinful with other men."

"Enough, (Y/n). Your protests fall on deaf ears. I've seen the evidence with my own eyes, and I know the truth. You'll spend the for the next three days in that cage as a reminder of what happens when you disobey."

His tone was unyielding as he spoke, making it clear that no amount of pleading would change his mind. "And tomorrow, we'll have a long discussion about the importance of fidelity and the consequences of betrayal."

He had made it clear—she belonged to him, and she would toe the line or face the dire consequences. The world outside was a cruel and unforgiving place, and he saw himself as the protector, the one to keep her safe and shielded from temptation. But also the only one worthy enough to taste it as well.

Just because she was a woman now, dosen’t mean she has the choice to do whatever she wanted. As long as both of them existed, she will live under his rules. There are no exceptions. Even when he had closed the door on her, leaving her in the darkness with the cage and a locked closet. Her pleading cries echoed only inside the house.

"Don't leave me like this! Please! I'll stop engaging with others, I'll stop talking if you want me to! You have to let me out! PLEASE! YOU HAVE TO LET ME-"

His footsteps echoed through the empty halls, a clear indication that he hadn't gone far. He knew of her desperate pleas, but it did nothing to soften his resolve. He wouldn't give in to her manipulations, her tears, or her pleas.

He went back to the door as his grip tightened around the doorknob, and he took a deep breath before he walked back into the room. "You'll learn soon enough that I can't be swayed by such weak attempts. Now, stop your whining, and accept your punishment."

He stood at the entrance to the closet, arms crossed, and a scowl etched on his face. "As for your promises, I'll believe them when I see them, when they've become a part of your routine. Until then, you'll remain locked away, in the dark, a reminder of who holds the power in this home."

With that, he shut the door once more, the silence that followed only interrupted by the muffled sounds of her sobbing. He knew that she couldn't see him, but he could see her, trapped and powerless. The cold satisfaction that coursed through him was bittersweet, but he knew he was doing what he had to in order to maintain control.

As the day stretched on, the cage would hold her, and the darkness would close in, a reminder of her uncle's relentless control. The following day would bring the reckoning, and he was confident that her eyes would finally be opened to the severity of her actions. The cage and the darkness were just the first steps in a long, calculated process to teach her a valuable lesson.

Author's note: Yeah, this was difficult to write, I didn't want to write what their relationship was like or how he viewed little sheep, because the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I felt. But I think it's pretty much explanatory, I wanted it to be a part of the story, since this is how I wanted to portray her. I also wanted to truly bring out the horror element into it, even if it isn't exactly what everybody would like to see/read.

[thebad-lydrawn-sanses]

Dream: at least come out and talk to me

Villager: you need to stop talking to your brother. Prophecy Nightmare: WHAT? Dream: …excuse you? Villager: See? There's your attitude. Prophecy Nightmare: I Prophecy Nightmare: . . . Villager: He's corrupting you with his demonic powers. Prophecy Nightmare: KILL THIS MAN.

Prophecy Nightmare: HEY Dream: DON'T EVEN START.

Villager: his skull broke! can you believe that? all i did was throw his book at him and it CRACKED! like an egg! Dream: ??

Nightmare: uh. m Nightmare: hi! brother. i Nightmare: i fell out of the tree. again Nightmare: sorry Dream: oh! that's okay, i can patch you up :)

Dream: ARE YOU SULKING

[risetherivermoon]

thinking about Francis and religion on this fine day...how are we folks?

[vacant2007]

[hark-the-togekiss-sing]

Hello everyone.

Back reading through this blog now, it wasn’t made with my knowledge. I’m deeply sorry for any trouble the angel might have caused.

~ Elder Alpin of Arceus’s Fellowship

[roll-for-gaslight]

for whosoever believeth in him (shall not perish but have everlasting life)

An exploration of the two oldest Applebees siblings' relationship with religion. tw// religious trauma, child abuse, let me know if I should add anything else.

AO3 Version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55677883/chapters/141332254

Part One: The Prophet

Part Two: The Proselyte

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

-Proverbs 3:5-6

When Kristen was having a hard day, this is the verse that came to mind most often. It was the one she fell back on when it got hard to stay awake at church, or Bucky did something to annoy her and her first instinct was to annoy him back. She was Helio’s Chosen, she knew better than to act like that. It’s not Bucky’s fault he hadn’t learned yet, he wasn’t Chosen like her, he would come to it in his own time. Instead, she would correct him gently and mend anything he broke with a Mending cantrip, one of the earliest signs of her Blessing. It’s the one she’s repeating under her breath now, as she dies in a highschool cafeteria, surrounded by the corn that should have, by all accounts, been blessed with Helio’s light and protected or healed her rather than harmed her. It’s her first set of dying words, though no one else would ever know it. 

She sneaks her principal into heaven only to be sent back to the mortal plane herself. Worse than that, Helio refuses to answer the one question that’s been sitting on her mind for years: why do you let bad things happen to good people? Not only does he not have an answer, he throws her out of the afterlife when s he asks. There is a seed of doubt firmly planted in her heart by that interaction, though she supposes this isn’t the first time she felt a flutter of something like it. 

"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength."

-Philippians 4:13

She supposes this could have gone better. She’s never been left home alone to babysit before, but her parents say that since he just turned nine she’s finally old enough. She’s making macaroni and cheese, with all three boys running around the dining room table. Bucky and Bricker are chasing Cork around the table because he has something she can’t quite make out in his hands, all screaming over each other. She’s just glad that when she told them it wasn’t safe to play in the kitchen they actually listened to her. She felt herself glow with pride at the thought, knowing her mom and dad would be proud of her for taking care of everyone tonight if all went well. 

Then, a lot of things happen at once. There’s a crash, a scream, a thudding sound, and then all her brothers are crying. Bricker runs into the kitchen and barely stops short of crashing into her. 

“KRISTENKristencomequickit’sCorkhe’shurt and—” he half-shouts, but she stops listening. 

“Stay here, turn off the stove, and bring me the emergency phone!” she says immediately, shouting her instructions as she runs into the other room. When she arrives she sees Bucky first, blood all over his hands and face. It takes her a moment to remember what Bricker said and realize it isn’t his own blood, but Cork’s. She casts her eyes downward to see her youngest brother lying there, limp and colorless as blood pooled around him. There’s an action figure, one of Bucky’s, scattered into several pieces about a foot away from his hand. She approaches quickly, realizing that the blood is coming from his head, and grabs one of the napkins off of the table as she pushes Bucky out of the way.

“What happened?” she demands. Bucky looks up at her through his tears, and she realizes abruptly that she doesn’t know how to fix this. 

“We were just trying to get my Adventure Man toy back! I tried to grab him and he lost his balance and his head hit the table and then he just started bleeding so fast I didn’t know what to do,” he says, and she does her best to offer him a comforting smile. 

“Everything is going to be okay,” she assures him, silently begging Helio for forgiveness for bearing false witness, knowing the moment the lie passes her lips that she’ll have to repent in church for it on Sunday. He seems to relax at her words. “Go and get the black bottle with the white cap from under the bathroom sink.” she says, and he runs off. She’s left alone, for just a moment, with a slowly-dying Cork, and is faced with the helpless thought that she can’t heal him. She should have been watching him. 

She begins to whisper prayers, each and every one she knows, under her breath. 

Bucky and Bricker enter the room at the same time, both holding the things she instructed them to grab. She takes the hydrogen peroxide and tells Bucky to take the phone and call their parents, tell them they need to come home, but she’s not sure how to proceed after that. She feels tears prickle in her eyes as Cork’s breathing becomes shallower and shallower, and does her best to clean the wound and wrap it up despite the fact that the blood-soaked towel isn’t doing much anymore. 

Just when the tears begin to fall, the moment that all hope seems lost, it happens. Her hands glow with a brilliant, burning golden light and the air fills with the scent of popcorn. Cork’s eyes fly open as the color returns to his face, and suddenly she can breathe again. She pulls her littlest brother into a tight hug, and Bucky and Bricker join them. She can faintly hear the sound of her parents as they come through the door, moments too late to be helpful but she’s grateful they’re there nonetheless. The whole world feels far away except for her brothers, right here with her. 

“What happened here?” her mom asks, “Kristen, did you just heal your brother? Was he hurt, did you heal him?” 

Kristen looks up from the hug and is only able to nod before her dad starts to separate the four of them. Bucky and Bricker move back when they’re told to, sent off to get cleaned up, but it takes her a few extra seconds before she can let herself let go. Her mom wraps her arms around her to guide her into the living room, and through the shock Kristen can faintly hear her calling Pastor Amelia to share the good news. 

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is Sol’s will for you in Lord Helio.”

-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Kristen’s eyes are starting to get heavy. She’s been staring upward for almost a full twenty-four hours at that point, feeling the searing heat of Sol’s light burn her face as she murmurs her prayers along with the pastor onstage. Pastor Amelia’s shift ended some time ago, so it was a man’s low southern drawl leading them now, but she can’t be sure how long it’s been. She’s ten, so it’s not her first Harvest Festival, so Helio is making her last longer than he used to before he intervenes to help her through her prayers. Her skin feels raw and blistering, and her eyes strain against the unrelenting light. She’s doing her best to make him proud.  

She knows the girl beside her, who seemed so devoted when they met at the beginning, was carried out after only three hours or so. The boy in front of her passed out from the heat not long after. She had noticed that he drank all of his daily water in the first hour, but could do nothing to warn him. Bucky is on her other side, here for his first year in the Prayer and doing well. Next year they’ll be in different age groups, but she’s glad to have him here now. She’s pretty sure he’ll have to kneel soon because of how he’s shaking and sweating. Kneeling is allowed as long as they know you’re still awake. There’s a part of her that wants to kneel first so he’s not nervous, but she also knows it’s important that she remains standing as long as possible to fully connect with Helio. 

She knows that probably within the hour, they’ll get an optional ten-minute break to refill their water. If Bucky can last until then, she’s pretty sure he’ll be able to make it through the next day. 

He kneels, his head falling onto the ground immediately. She knows it’s technically against the rules, but she kicks him in the arm and casts one of her smallest healing spells for him. She can barely see in her peripheral vision as he glows momentarily and looks up at her. He’s still faintly murmuring prayers, so he’s not actually out yet. Kristen feels the toll the spell takes and her knees buckle, so she slowly kneels to avoid taking out those around her if she falls. She distantly notices several other kids around her kneel quickly after, as if they were all awaiting her cue as Chosen. She thinks she should maybe feel guilty for that, but she can’t quite bring care about them right now, only Bucky. He’s still sweating, but as she kneels he seems to remember his placement and raises his face to the sun yet again. 

She waits anxiously for someone to say something or for Helio’s reprimand to come for breaking the rules. He sees all, so she knows it’s hopeless to think he won’t notice. 

Despite that, nothing comes. When the ten-minute break arrives, Bucky turns as if to speak with her and she just hands him her water jug. “Can you fill this for me, Buck? I’m going to pray through the break. As much ice as you can crush in there, please.” she requests, and he nods. 

“Yeah, Kristy, I can do that. I’ll let mom and dad know,” he responds, and she suddenly and desperately wishes for last year, when she was the only one of her siblings doing the full prayer and Bucky’s only job was to make sure she had water on breaks, free to spend most of the rest of the festival playing and enjoying the summer. 

The pastor is taking a break, so anyone staying is welcome to do their own prayers. If there’s anyone else in the field, they must be really far away from her. She feels the breeze for the first time in a while, but the sun also beats down harder than before. She sends Helio her apologies, doing her best to appease him, but never feels the sweet rejuvenation of his miracles. Not until the very last second of what should have been her break, right as people return to the field. She feels all eyes on her as she realizes she must have been the only one that stayed judging by the size of the crowd. Right as she registers that information, she feels a warmth in her chest. It expands outward and the day becomes ten times brighter. She’s glowing and feels herself becoming weightless. She knows it’s Helio’s blessing at last, knew all along that forgoing her break was the perfect way to repent. It lasts a full minute before she slowly descends, and when she does she feels it.

She feels like she’s fresh off of a full night’s sleep, completely refreshed. Her braid has redone itself, she feels clean, and her skin is no longer blistering. People suddenly crowd around her on all sides, each kneeling beside her and taking a moment to look up to the sky before returning to their new formation, remaking the neat lines that had been lost before as others failed. Bucky is the last to approach and takes his place beside her, reaching out to grab her hand for one fleeting moment before pulling away again. He puts her water jug and his own between them. For a while, everything is perfect. 

Seven hours later, the night brings a unique challenge, and the one that finally removes Bucky from the Prayer. It’s much cooler, a reprieve from the intense heat of the sun, but it’s also dark. At this point in the festival, that makes it too easy to fall asleep. He has the sense to kneel before he does it, but not to totally avoid colliding with Kristen. He falls across her feet, and suddenly she feels tears in her eyes. Maybe she should give up too, help him out of the crowd. She knows it would be frowned upon, and can picture the look of disappointment on her mom and dad’s faces when they see her step away. She can’t bring herself to move. Someone comes to collect Bucky, but she doesn’t see who. 

She lasts until noon the next day. It’s been a full forty-eight hours, and she’s the last one standing for their entire age group. The field is empty around her. The clock strikes loudly for twelve o’clock, the time of day where Helio’s magic is the strongest, and suddenly her legs buckle and go out from beneath her. She hits the ground hard, feels the dirt and rocks scrape against her knee. The moment her head hits the ground, she loses consciousness. 

Kristen wakes up alone on a cot. There’s a window open, letting fresh air and a little early morning light into the room. She checks her crystal to see it’s six in the morning, eyes aching at the light from the screen until she turns the brightness setting all the way down. She hovers over her mom’s contact for a few moments, considering texting to see where to find them, but can’t bring herself to actually do so. She closes her eyes instead to do a silent prayer for her daily spells, and it feels like a weight off her chest when she feels the holy magic fill her with warmth. Helio is proud of her. She did good. 

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord Helio is giving you.”

-Exodus 20:12

“Kristen, I don’t know how many times we’re going to have to go over this. If they don’t worship Helio, they’re sinners. It doesn’t matter what they do or say because anything done outside of Sol’s light is sin.” her dad is saying, frustration coloring his tone. 

Her mom nods in agreement. “If they aren’t faithful, they aren’t your friend. If you can’t depend on them to make the right choice on the most important decision, how can you trust them with anything else?”

Kristen finds herself at a loss for words. It had been Bricker who started all of this, playing with that little Goblin girl on the playground before Mac and Donna had gotten the chance to pull him away. It had been an innocent question. “But she was so nice, what could be wrong with her?” he had said. He’d also immediately accepted his parents’ simple answer: she was a non-believer. Kristen had been fighting this battle for half an hour at this point, determined to show her parents the truth of Helio’s light. This is part of being Chosen, she thinks. It’s her job to right these wrongs, even if it means standing up to her parents. 

“Mom, Dad, Sol’s light touches all creatures the same. If they act with good intentions and follow the rules of scripture, they have potential to find faith. Isn’t it our job to lead them there, and let them take their own path there? It doesn’t make them bad people, just lost ones.” she says, not for the first time. 

“That’s enough, Kristen,” Mac says finally, using his this-conversation-is-over voice. She winces slightly, knowing that she’s in trouble. “You need to drop this, or we’ll have to go have a talk with Pastor Amelia about you questioning Helio’s word. Is that what you want?”

Panic fills her at the thought of Pastor Amelia’s disappointed face and tone. There’s no way she would still be Helio’s Chosen if she really questioned Him and she knows it. Pastor Amelia having to step in would definitely call it to His attention. She shakes her head quickly. 

“No! No, of course not. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to question Him. I just didn’t understand, I guess,” she assures them quietly, and they seem satisfied. When she glances at her brothers, Bricker looks disappointed. She looks away.

“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.”

-Proverbs 6:16–19

Kristen has never been more excited than her first day of highschool. She’s excited to make friends, and to fulfill Helio’s word by showing them the light. It’s the whole reason that she wanted to go to Aguefort, and it’s why she asks Daybreak to send her to detention with the bad kids. Who better to help the most lost souls in the school than the Chosen of Helio? Who better to bring them under his holy gaze?

She feels a little bad for lying, but knows that she can repent for it tonight and Helio will understand. She feels worse about asking Daybreak to lie for her, and knows she needs to apologize to him too. She’s Chosen, she should know how to act better than that.

It doesn’t matter. They don’t seem happy about her proselytizing, but they seem to like her anyway. She’s looking forward to her new group, to finally getting the chance to be the yeast that makes the whole loaf rise. 

She dies instead. 

“Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin."

-Leviticus 18:22

Tracker is maybe the coolest person Kristen has ever met. She’s openly queer, a werewolf, and she worships Galicaea. She grew up in the church and chose to leave it, which is scary, but it’s also really… Exciting? Thrilling? Enticing? Attractive? Kristen isn’t sure she has exactly the right word for it yet, but she knows it feels almost good. 

She’s not so sure about Helio anymore. How could He not have the answers she was looking for? Not even for her, His Chosen? What did it even mean to be Chosen by Him? Did it mean anything, if she didn’t choose Him too? She’s not so sure anymore. 

She hates that she hasn’t seen her brothers all week. It’s not like it is with her parents with them, they haven’t done anything wrong. She hates that her long school days have led to her avoiding her whole family. She’s had more sleepovers since school started than she has in the whole rest of her life. 

She’s pretty sure she has a crush on Tracker. What would that mean for her? Would that make her gay? Or maybe bi? She hopes, for a moment, for that to be the truth but now that she’s thinking about it the thought of spending the rest of her life with a husband in a traditional marriage sounds… suffocating. Spending the rest of her life with someone fun and interesting like Tracker sounds so much better. 

Maybe Helio isn’t everything. Maybe her parents are right about him, and if they are then she’s not interested. Maybe Helio holds hatred in his heart. 

Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe she’ll find something new. 

Maybe she’ll take a leap of faith. 

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

-Hebrews 11:1

She can still cast magic. She’s not sure who or how, but her leap of faith didn’t strip her of her divine magic. She can still heal her friends, and her Spirit Guardians aren’t corn-themed. The magic flowing through her is strange and new, no longer searing heat but instead a slight chill that shoots its way through her from her very core. 

Every night’s a sleepover as long as she’s not living at home. Her parents haven’t even tried to get her home yet, not even a text since the other night. She’s just glad Fig and Gilear have been so nice to let Kristen move in with them. There’s no way she would have been able to leave that house if they hadn’t offered; she couldn’t imagine actually asking her friends to take care of her like this. Fig was just nice enough to offer first, so she didn’t feel as bad just accepting. 

Tracker is going to be her girlfriend, she’s pretty sure. She still has to actually ask, but she’s pretty sure the feelings she’s having are reciprocal. She talks to Ragh, quietly and briefly, about being gay. He doesn’t make fun of her, which she suspected he wouldn’t. He just nods respectfully along as she speaks and gives her a little head pat before they depart, the most affection she’s seen him show anyone but Dayne. 

Kristen’s decided that she’s happy with who she is. If someone has a problem with it, she doesn’t need to care. That’s how Tracker talks about it all: her queerness, her religion, her lycanthropy. There’s no reason Kristen should have to change who she is for some bullshit rules that don’t actually mean anything. Fuck anyone who says otherwise.

 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

-Ephesians 2:8-9

Kristen is dying again. In the gym, at prom, she is being killed by the vice principal, but it doesn’t even matter. As Helio’s Chosen she is directed straight towards the main office of Heaven when she arrives, only to find Arthur Aguefort waiting for him. Not only does he agree to come back and help her return, but he also gives her his watch to use. 

Oh, and she creates a new god. 

No big deal. 

Okay, big deal. She hates her new god, but it’ll be okay. Maybe YES! just has to grow on her. 

“For Sol so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life”

-John 3:16

The chapel makes Tracker freak out, but Kristen can’t get the image of the goddess out of her head. She was beautiful, and there was something strikingly familiar about her. She tries several times to draw her, but to no avail. She doesn’t voice her desires to her friends or even to Tracker on any kind of deeper level, but feels herself drawn to the idea of a forgotten goddess who specializes in doubt. Doubt has already gotten her this far, right? 

As they venture into Sylvaire and split up to gather the ingredients, only to lose all their allies except Gilear. Oh, yeah, and Kristen almost dies again, but at least this time she saves Riz. At least this time she has the chance to do some good. She thinks that it’s worth it as long as her friends are safe. 

When they make it to the chapel in the forest, their second time coming in, she’s grateful to have Fabian watching her back. The whole place seems creepy, but also strangely alluring. She wants to understand who this goddess was before she was abandoned. Why would her followers do this to her? She steps closer. 

‘Why do you searching for me?’ a low, crackling voice speaks directly into her mind. 

“I heard that you were the goddess of doubt, and that really resonates with me right now,” Kristen begins to say, but those aren’t the right words. She pauses for a moment to think. “I have a lot of praise for you.” she says finally. 

There’s a sharp pain in her chest, accompanied by a horrible wet sound. She chokes, suddenly unable to catch her breath, and grasps for whatever hurt her only to make contact with something that feels like solid bone. She looks down and— Is that a spike? 

Fabian says something and then he’s gone and it’s dark. She holds onto consciousness for as long as she can, tilting her head up to the sky and wishing, just for a moment, for the strength of a god supporting her the way Helio used to. It doesn’t come. Neither do her friends.

‘I have a lot of praise for you.’

What was she thinking?

Kristen Applebees, dying yet again with a prayer on her lips.

“‘Who’ is easy. It is us, everything, and you. ‘Why’ is harder.’Why’ is something that only you can decide. The universe doesn't have a ‘why’.”

For a while, she’s floating in nothing. She doesn’t have a sense of time or space, it’s neither light nor dark, there is no sensation. Everything is just empty for a while, and then it’s not anymore. Her eyes are already open when she comes to, face turned upward towards the ceiling. 

She looks down to find a gaping hole in her chest, her tie-dye shirt soaked through with blood. She puts her hand through it to make sure it’s not an illusion, but realizes belatedly that that doesn’t mean anything in the Nightmare forest. Looking at her hand, she realizes that her pinky finger is missing too. 

She slowly, carefully, wanders out of the room and into the forest. Her friends are far away, and she’s scared, and she’s pretty sure she’s still dead. That suspicion is confirmed when she’s brought face-to-face with the person she wants to see the least right now: Helio. He’s accompanied by Sol and a woman Kristen doesn’t immediately recognize. 

The woman introduces herself as Galicaea, Tracker’s goddess, and Kristen can’t help but feel comforted by the thought of her girlfriend for a few moments before it all goes wrong. Are these her only options? Sol’s bullshit or Galicaea’s? 

No. 

She’ll make her own options. She punches Helio in the face. 

Her philosophers aid her as they always have, helping her find the path away and giving her magic while she can’t rely on a deity. She knows what she needs to do. 

She’s going to bring back the mystery goddess, no matter what it takes. 

“The first rule of existence is as above, so below. People are fractal images of the universe. You are, as we are.”

If the first rule is as above, so below, that’s where she’ll start.

She ends up deep in the forest, and she can hear Tracker hunting her somewhere in the distance. She takes mud from the forest floor and blood from her own chest, using it to paint the goddess’s face on the bark of a wide tree. She’s no artist, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

She all but lays down, her knees folded underneath her and body pressed low, but her eyes cast up to the image. Slowly, it shifts until it shows the image of a beautiful goddess, the very one Kristen has been reaching out for. 

She appears in an inky void, mountains in the distance and a deity made of starlight in front of her. They speak of finding comfort in the dark unknown and wielding doubt as a tool rather than holding it in her heart; Kristen feels something slot together like a piece has been missing from the core of her very existence and it’s finally here. 

She’s pulled out of the conversation by danger looming outside of her new twilight protective circle, but Tracker is the danger. He escapes into the woods, free yet again, and finally finds her friends. She feels drawn in until she can pull the pinky finger bone out of Adaine’s pocket. She casts raise dead, there’s a sudden bright flash of light, and then it’s done. 

She feels her body return to her, hears her friends’ exclamations of surprise at her sudden appearance. She can see, in the low dusk light, the purple tie-dye of her new shirt made to represent her new goddess. Cassandra. She takes her first breath.

St. Kristen Applebees is born again. 

[cannedbeefaroni]

Quasimodo my beloved

[sleepitawaydear]