#them where they shouldn’t be!!! i type like i speak!!! which is different when writing online and when in academic spaces

[essentiallychaotic]

everytime I see a grammarly or ai writing support ad being like “its so easy to do basic grammar now!” Im like or, OR we could do a better job teaching kids basic grammar and also stop being uptight elitist grammar snobs

just saying

[dira333]

Your name on my skin - Shinsou x Reader

A/N: What your soulmate writes appears on your skin - requested by @bookishgalaxies

It happens during Homeroom.

One second he’s trying not to fall asleep as Aizawa drones on about the importance of good defense - his metal leg clicking every time he moves around - the next his arm tickles like a horde of ants is dancing on it.

He scratches it, but the tickling doesn’t stop.

Annoyed, Shinsou pulls the sleeve up, only to reel black at the sight. There, on the pale skin of his arm, appears black ink, one letter after the other as if a ghost is writing it.

He’s not an idiot. He knows what that means. 

Well, he doesn’t really know what that means, because where other people’s soulmates write a “Hello?” or introduce themselves by name, his soulmate’s first message is…  E = σ / ε = (F/A)?

Shinsou blinks down at his arm. It’s only the comforting sound of Aizawa’s voice that drones on that keeps him grounded. 

Behind him, someone clears his throat. 

“Hitoshi,” a voice whispers. When he turns around, Izuku is blinking up at him with wide green eyes. He looks both worried and delighted simultaneously, which is a common enough occurrence.

“Can I see?” Izuku asks and Shinsou blinks to the front where Aizawa has taken a seat, eyes most definitely closed for a quick nap. 

“Sure,” he tips his chair back and offers his arm. In a matter of seconds, multiple eyes are on him. 

He’s not the first person this has happened to. Sato’s got a cute soulmate in first grade who blushes every time they come across each other in the hallways. Her first message on his arm was a doodle of his name with a heart around it. 

Fumikage refuses to give out any information about his soulmate but regularly shows off the artwork they’ve created on their skin. Elaborate drawings or silly little doodles mark his skin each day.

And then there’s Bakugo, who’s started wearing long sleeves, barking at everyone who asks if he wants to shed a layer. 

It doesn’t take long for his arms to be absolutely littered with formulas. At least he thinks they’re supposed to be formulas. T = F x r x sin(θ) and P (1 + r/n)(nt) - P, F = m x a and p = eoA(T⁴ - Tc⁴). Izuku has managed to identify quite a few, rambling on about what they mean but Shinsou’s mind can’t follow, too busy trying to wrap itself around the fact that he’s got a soulmate. 

There’s less than a minute left, the coming break looming over him - they’re all going to ask him about it, crowd his table like they did last week with Denki - as he uncaps a pen and scribbles in some of the few spaces left untouched.

“Hello, please use a notebook, I’m running out of skin.”

The sensation stops immediately. His skin starts stinging right above his wrist and when the ink there starts to bleed he realizes. They must have tried to rub it off, saliva probably included.

He writes another line.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Shinsou knows, as he’s writing it, that he will get shit for that nonchalant tone. And he’s right.

But it’s not Mina, or Momo, or even Jirou who convinces him that he needs to adopt a different tone when talking to his soulmate. It’s Bakugo.

-

Bakugo’s arms are littered with poetry. 

The other boy pulls his shirt back on so fast that Shinsou can’t make out much. But he’s seen enough. In every other verse, there are little hearts dotting the i’s. The poems are written in two distinctly different types of handwriting, one of them he’s familiar with. 

“So you’re writing poetry?” Shinsou asks, because why shouldn’t he? 

Bakugo dragged him into his room for a reason and he’s pretty sure he knows what it is. 

After all, Shinsou’s Soulmate has been quiet, not a single drop of ink appearing on his skin ever since. 

“They’re just as scared as we are,” Bakugo huffs, unusually quiet and unable to make eye contact. “You should keep that in mind.”

He doesn’t say any more, pushes him out of his room with a glare that speaks volumes, but Shinsou’s always prided himself in being quick on the uptake.

If the Bakugo Katsuki can learn to write poetry for someone else, he could probably start with an apology. 

-

p = eoA(T⁴ - Tc⁴) is written neatly on the inside of his right arm. 

Shinsou uncaps a pen with his teeth and drags it over the other arm, the still untouched skin. He’d been thinking about this for weeks now, maybe even longer if he’s being honest with himself. 

The year is coming to an end. He’s got a job lined up after graduation and even though they haven’t been able to properly secure an apartment yet, he knows he’s going to share a flat with Denki for a while, maybe even Sero if they can find one big enough. 

He knows what his future is going to be like, with or without you and he even knows who you are, because he’s too curious and too good at solving riddles for his own good. 

Shinsou halts, pen hovering over his skin. 

He knows that you like him. You’ve told him so, multiple times. 

But it’s different to like someone on the other end of a cosmic connection, not knowing what they look like or knowing their reputation. 

The bullying might have stopped, but the scars have not yet faded.

Somewhere in the hallway a door falls closed, the sound loud enough to make him flinch. 

The cold wetness of ink tells him that he moved too suddenly. Now there’s a smear of ink across his arm and he sighs. Well… he might as well commit to it, now that he started.

“I like you too,” he writes, in the direct way you said you liked about him, “And my name is Shinsou Hitoshi. I’m in your year but in Class 3A.”

His skin prickles, but there’s no immediate response.

He’s learned your schedule, more by following the notes you leave on your - and therefore his skin, and you should be free right now.

Every second that ticks by is torture. But he stares down at his skin and waits.

He’s not sure how long it takes you to answer. He’s too scared to look up from his skin and miss it to check his watch.

Someone knocks softly on his door.

“I’m busy,” he calls out, fully expecting Midoriya.

“How busy?” You ask back. 

His chair clatters to the ground as he rushes over.

You’re smiling at him when the door opens, a little out of breath maybe, fingers digging into the fabric of your uniform, fiddling with the hem of your blazer.

“Hi,” your smile turns mischievous. “Do you wanna go out?”

“With me?” He asks, like an idiot. But it’s hard to think with your eyes twinkling up at him like that. You might be related to Aoyama. 

“Who else?” You ask and stretch your hand out. 

Shinsou can see his name on your skin. Yeah, he thinks, who else?

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[depravitycentral]

Yandere! Kyojuro Rengoku General Profile

Yandere! Kyojuro Rengoku x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, violence, he breaks your fingers, Kyo feeds you bird-style and it's pretty gross and gnarly, delusions/detachment from reality, Stockholm Syndrome, masturbation, slight misogyny/traditional gender roles, forced motherhood, allusions to non-con, you and Kyo share a toothbrush ugh, lots of references to death, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 11K

DARLING PROFILE:

Caring 

Similarly to most other Hashira, Kyojuro is greatly attracted to honest, genuine kindness.

His world is so full of hatred, death, and pain, and having a darling who is softer, sweeter, more empathetic makes his heart swell.

(And, occasionally, other things will swell when he sees his darling smiling or complimenting or speaking with children - but Kyojuro pays it no mind. So you shouldn’t, either.)

There’s just something so alluring about a darling who genuinely cares for the people around them - he himself is quite positive, if not blunt, and a darling who can match his philosophy of protecting and caring for those who need it would be a perfect match.

He likes the idea of a darling who has the best intentions of others’ at heart; it’s refreshing to see and interact with someone who is so pure and wonderfully kind, because while his fellow slayers are certainly committed to a good cause, his darling is different.

They’re naturally sweet, utterly unaware of the horrors of this world and yet still striving to make others smile, still trying to help undo any wrongs those around them have experienced.

This aspect of his darling is one of the first things he notices about them, and while he’s not a selfish man by any means, he’ll grow to absolutely love when this caring nature is directed at him, particular after long, difficult missions where he’s both physically and emotionally exhausted, only desiring to hold something soft and sweet and warm.

Coincidentally, something exactly like his darling.

Passionate

The specific passion itself is inconsequential – it doesn’t matter what his darling loves, as long as they love something.

He himself is driven by internal motivation and a righteousness to help others, and while his darling doesn’t need to be quite this serious, he likes the idea of them having goals and aspirations.

The most likely way this manifests itself within his darling is through a creative platform – art, music, culinary arts, writing, or any sort of activity in which his darling can express themselves.

He likes that his darling has something they truly enjoy, and he’s the type to want to learn about and indulge in his darling’s passion.

He’ll eagerly listen to everything they have to say, absorbing the information with wide, glittering eyes and a smile, trying so very hard to listen to their words but getting repeatedly distracted by how utterly adorable they look when they’re concentrating.

He can’t stop admiring the way they look when they’re discussing their passion, how happy they become, radiating a sort of joy and glow that only makes him fall harder and deeper, his obsession solidifying with every smile they give him.

And he’ll fully foster this passion of theirs – he’s got access to any resources his darling can dream of, easily providing them and enjoying the way their face lights up, how they become so grateful.

His only caveat is that he has to watch them as they work at their passion, getting a front row seat to watch them enjoy themselves, his bright eyes fixed on them the entire time because god, how are they so utterly perfect?

It’s endearing to Kyojuro because in his mind, his darling looks at him that way, too, with a smile and undying love.

Ambitious

Now, his darling doesn’t need to be ambitious in the sense that they take huge risks, or even that they have high expectations and goals for themselves.

It can manifest this way, sure, but the main core of why he finds this personality trait attractive is because it shows drive.

He likes a darling who has a strong sense of self; he doesn’t want to change his beloved in any way; he wants to be their pillar of support, to offer unwavering help and encouragement for whatever pursuits they’re chasing after, no matter how big or small.

He thinks it’s a wonderful thing to have dreams for the future, just as he does – he dreams of Senjuro once again having a happy family (one he hopes his darling will help provide), and of all demons being eradicated so that the world can live peacefully.

He’ll cherish and respect any dreams his darling possesses, but only if they don’t interfere with what he believes should happen.

He prioritizes his relationship with his darling above many things, and this includes what his darling wants most.

He will be expecting them to dutifully become his loving partner and wife, to bear his children and help him raise them, to be a guiding, loving hand to teach them morality, charity, and all sorts of other things that his darling hardly believes he possesses.

So while he’ll likely crush the ambitions his darling possesses, the mere fact that they have ambitions is attractive to him.

Talkative

It’s not that Kyojuro can’t fall for a quieter darling, but rather that he wants someone who will match his chattiness.

He’s naturally quite loud, truly a boisterous man who loves to interact with others.

He’s constantly peppering his darling with questions, his voice a steady flow as he just talks and talks and talks, throwing compliments and them alongside grandiose declarations of love, all intermixed with small talk about the weather or the flowers on the sides of the village pathways, or even about the pretty birds flying in the sky.

He just likes interacting with his darling, and he needs someone that is willing to return his eagerness to talk.

He likes the way his darling’s attention stays on him when he’s speaking to them; how their eyes stay fixed on his form, how they nod along to his words, how they laugh at his outlandish, unbelievable claims and logic, how they just simply acknowledge him, making him feel comfortable and seen and wanted.

Kyojuro will want to spend hours talking with his darling, and he needs someone who can match this energy. He needs a darling who can pepper him with their own questions, who can keep the conversation flowing and keep the interaction alive.

Besides, Kyojuro has this unwavering, unsatiable curiosity for his beloved, one that can only be partially quelled when his darling is revealing more and more about themselves.

And he’ll eagerly listen, mentally storing away each new piece of information, remembering absolutely everything because everything about his darling is important, something that must be remembered and cherished and worshipped.

They’re just perfect, and if they’re naturally chatty, it only furthers his obsession. 

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Delusional 

Generally speaking, from the moment that Kyojuro’s feelings for you fully form, he’s absolutely, utterly under the impression that every emotion, desire and draw he feels towards you is returned fully. He honestly believes that you’re just as in love as he is, that the connection he’s so acutely aware of between the both of you is mutual, that you’re just as desperate and eager to be his partner, his lover, his wife and the woman he’ll spend the rest of his life with. 

He doesn’t have any real romantic experience - he’s been attracted to women before, sure, but he’s never courted someone before you simply because when he courts, he intends to wed. 

And as a result, his only real reference for romance is his own parents’ relationship. And while it was loving, beautiful, healthy while his mother was still alive, time and his changing father have left Kyojuro with a bit of a warped view of love. 

And this is where his delusions stem from - he’s confident, desperate for you to return the passionate feelings he holds for you, and he manages to convince himself of your growing love for him every day. 

He’s so sure, in fact, that even as his obsession with you forms (slowly, as he’s a bit picky about partners and can be a bit oblivious even towards his own feelings), so do the beginnings of his detachment from reality. As he slowly begins realizing that he enjoys being in your presence more than most other people, your smiles and greetings of oh hello Rengoku, I didn’t know you’d be here will seem more and more like you expressing your glee at having him by your side rather than a simple, platonic welcome. 

As he realizes that hearing you laugh makes his palms sweat and his heart race, he begins thinking your laugh is really for him, that your chuckles are stronger when they’re directed at him than compared to others. 

He’s imagining your pretty face lighting up with that radiant smile behind closed eyes when he’s falling asleep at night, and slowly he begins concluding that your every quirk of the lip towards him must mean that you’re happy with him, that his presence alone fills you with a sort of joy that you simply can’t hide. 

(And, perhaps you know that it’s you that fills his thoughts at night – maybe you’re purposefully plaguing his thoughts, trying to tell him something - perhaps you want him to think of you and your lovely mouth, the way your lips look when you say his name, how your tongue flicks out to wet them just so…) 

It’s mostly innocent in the beginning; his delusions manifest more as simply misreading the signals you send him, honest mistakes that aren’t too uncommon – but, as the relationship (or, at least the one Kyojuro is trying so very hard cultivate) progresses, these slips in judgment become more and more profound, more and more difficult to ignore. 

When he’s wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest as he inhales deeply and enthusiastically greets you in a voice just a bit too breathy for your liking, Kyojuro sees your discreet attempts at ending the far-too-long hug as you merely trying to get comfortable. 

Surely you just want to feel more of his body against your own, or want him to be closer so that there’s nothing separating you from him, from the love he’s oh so willing to give you. 

When you bite your lip and avert your gaze as you politely ask him to stop staring at you so much and following you home, Kyojuro will simply smile, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving you a firm don’t worry, I don’t mind protecting you! It’s my place as a Hashira, after all, so don’t needlessly fret! 

He honestly doesn’t understand why you’re not as happy as he is, and frankly he can’t even really fathom the idea that you aren’t happy – how can he, when he’s been searching for so many years for a partner to love and spoil? 

How can he, when your body just seems to perfectly fit against his own, your voice like honey and your name a drug as it slips from his lips? 

How can he, when he’s seen his father so harshly decline, when the memory of his mother is still so fresh, when he wants so badly to build a family of his own, to give Senjuro another family to call his?

How can he, when you become the sole reason he begins valuing his own life during missions, not being as reckless because he needs to come home to you - you need your lover and husband, of course.

(In more ways than one - who will protect you? Provide for you? Pleasure you?) 

Kyojuro honestly latches onto you, his every thought and emotion revolving around you you you, to the point where even once he’s locked you away, deep inside the Rengoku residence with your shared bed and lovely, expensive new kimonos neatly folded in stacks upon stacks (all in shades of reds and golds, of course, to signify your status with him), he still won’t recognize that you’re always crying because you’re scared. 

He won’t realizethat you flinch when he touches you because you don’t want him anywhere near you. 

He won’t connect the dots that you spend each and every night curled up in a ball weeping because you just want to go home, please Kyojuro, please… 

Try as he may, he just can’t fathom that you aren’t as madly, desperately in love – so don’t bother, really, because it’s much more hassle than it’s worth, and in the end he’ll get what he wants. He always will get what he wants, so why don’t you just give in? 

He’ll never let you go, never believe any of your pleas to be freed from him, so why don’t you just accept his love? 

Protective 

Honestly, your personal combat abilities are irrelevant - in Kyojuro’s mind, you’re weak. Defenseless. Laughably unable to keep yourself safe and out of trouble - incapable, even, though it sounds a bit harsh.

He believes that you’re too fragile and sweet and wonderful to be anywhere near a demon, a human with bad intentions, or anything of the sort.

Your strengths lie not in battle, but in your charm and beauty - you’re so sweet, your words melting him like butter and leaving him as putty in your hands, his heart doing backflips in his chest as his fingers twitch to do anything and everything just to keep you smiling.

Your talents lie in the way you effortlessly intrigue him; your words ensnaring his attention no matter the topic, your touch sending electricity up his spine, even your most mundane actions making him stop and stare because every little thing you do is important.

You simply aren’t made for the battlefield, or for confrontation in general - he’s sure of it, and he’s arguably the most trustworthy source of judgment you could find. He’s a seasoned Hashira, seen more death than you can imagine, slaughtered more demons than you can count, so could he really be wrong in his assessment of your abilities?

He sees you as a bit of a baby, in all honesty, because while he’s more than aware of your womanly charms (the not so subtle way his eyes rake over your figure when he forces you to bathe with him is enough to convince you of that, if the way his hands ghost over the bulge of his trousers when you speak to him wasn’t enough), he still can’t shake the paranoia that you’ll one day be hurt.

He’s terrified that you can’t really take care of yourself as well as he can. And frankly, the paranoia isn’t unfounded – it’s difficult to fault him for his overprotectiveness when you think of his past, how often he sees death, and how often he’s the cause of it.

He’s too accustomed to seeing others’ lives lost, and he absolutely refuses to allow you the same fate, so long as he’s breathing and has enough finger strength to grip his sword and send air rushing through his lungs.

He’s determined to a disturbing degree to keep you safe; with every demon he decapitates, internally he’s sighing in relief because that’s one less monster that could potentially sink their claws into you - every demon dead is a step towards keeping you safe, healthy, alive, his.

He’s patronizing in an odd way, because while he doubts your capabilities, he doesn’t treat you like you’re a child. He’s just hovering, always, with his eyes glued to you and that same unnerving, wide smile on his lips that never seems to go away when you’re around him.

His gaze is wide and excited as he sees how you bring the bowl of soup to your lips to sip, the intensity of the way he watches making your hands tremble and a bit of the hot soup spill down to your chest.

He’ll let you feed yourself - for now - but as soon as you flinch, the heat and wetness making you cringe as you get up to clean yourself, he’s on you – a flash of yellow and red as he tut-tuts and uses the sleeve of his haori to wipe up the mess, a thumb against your lip and his face much too close to yours as he tells you to be careful, don’t hurt yourself, my flame.

He’s not letting you touch anything with sharp edges, for fear that you’ll trip and cut yourself, nor does he allow you permission to speak to anyone new that he hasn’t already extensively vetted in his own way.

(This comprises mostly of just simply observing someone, and the moment he sees something even slightly unfavorable - like a snarky comment or even having their hair be messy - he’s deciding that they’re not good enough to interact with you - you’re better than them, and speaking with them would only taint you, bringing you down from the pedestal he places you on.)

 He’s controlling, not allowing anyone into your life that isn’t himself, to the point that he’ll simply show up the second another man or woman begins speaking with you, a strong arm around your waist with fingers digging in much harsher than they should, that familiar smile tight on his lips.

He’s terrified that he’ll one day lose you, and in a lot of ways keeping you safe is his own way of living up to the expectations of his mother.

You’re weak, so damn weak, and you need someone to care for you, to be there for you and take care of you in your time of need, and Kyojuro is more than happy to take on the role, to take responsibility of your life and safety.

It’s a bit overwhelming, how he’s always offering to do tasks for you, interrupting you halfway through to take over with that broad grin of his, that laugh and a rambunctious what kind of lover would I be if I didn’t carry your groceries for you making it difficult to stop him.

And really, eventually you’ll get to the point of relenting and letting him to do as he pleases, because as much as the man may intimidate you, scare you or disturb you, there’s just something about his desperation to please you that’ll get you feeling oddly flattered, flustered simply because of the lengths he’s willing to go.

Because really, while it may scare you how his hand always seems to find a place at your hip, don’t all the stories and movies have chivalrous male leads helping guide the girl through crowded areas, a steady hand to help keep them grounded, just as Kyojuro does?

Sure, it’s weird how he knows the order from every restaurant in town that you like, how he’s always able to show up at just the right time with a steaming bowl of udon or whatever you’re feeling, but doesn’t it feel nice to be cared for, that he thought of you and made the stop to buy you something?

It may be disturbing how he gulps and smiles wider every time he sees you bend over, but isn’t it flattering to know that he finds your body attractive?

He won’t allow you to place a finger on anything or anyone that could hurt you, so you’d better get used to the life of a pampered housewife – because while it will take him a long while to allow you to cook with any sort of heat, there’s something oddly therapeutic about being your big, strong partner that provides for you, while you keep his bed and heart warm, all with that natural charm he finds so alluring. 

Clingy

Because Kyojuro’s perceptions of your relationship aren’t exactly realistic, he’ll come off as extremely, extremely needy to you. But it’s in a strange way – he’s not constantly clinging onto you, needing your reassurance and needing your eyes to stay focused entirely on him.

(He certainly won’t discourage this kind of behavior, of course, but he isn’t that outwardly desperate, and he isn’t the type to physically grasp your chin to keep you looking at him. He’ll perhaps grasp your hand or your waist to keep you at his hip, but he’s not quite that blatant.)

Instead, his clinginess manifests in how he’s simply always around you.

His presence will become a constant in your life – you’d be hard pressed to not see those familiar blond and red locks in your peripheral, or to hear that booming voice ringing in your ears. It would be difficult to find yourself in a public situation where Kyojuro isn’t standing diligently at your side, that blinding smile spread across his face, turning just a bit softer and a bit more earnest when it’s aimed at you.

Really, he simply hates being away from you. Not having you within his sight makes him nervous, anxiety itching at his stomach because where are you?

It’s not possessiveness, not a paranoia that you could be talking to other men, but rather an honest, genuine, horrible fear that you could be hurt, that someone could’ve taken you and injured you and touched you and possibly even have killed you.

And frankly, the fear isn’t too unfounded – you’ll understand why he's always rushing to you, literally running to catch up with you when you wander away from him, a steady hand pressing into your back as he pulls you into a hug, the faint smell of woodsmoke and musk filling your nose as the hard planes of his chest press against you.

It’s understandable, so you won’t really wonder why he’s always insisting on accompanying you every free moment he has, his presence acting as your shadow but much, much louder. It might make you uncomfortable, sure, because having someone always by your side is a little disorienting and overwhelming at times, but you’ll tolerate it – how can you tell Kyojuro no, anyway?

He’s so radiant when he’s giving you that smile, his eyes sparkling and his hands soft and gentle as he grasps onto yours, telling you that he’s so excited, we must try the new ramen shop down the street! I’ll order your favorite, you needn’t remind me what it is! I think we should share one, and perhaps a second or third…

(It’s probably not worth mentioning to him that you never even told him what your favorite is, he just seemed to know it, a fact that initially unnerved you, but you’ve found that guessing what you’ll like seems to be a talent of his. It’s not, of course, because he’s spent hours talking with any family members or friends of yours to learn every possible scrap of information about you that he can, introducing himself as your fiancé and charming them enough to get even the most sensitive secrets out of them, including your menstrual patterns, your bathing routine, even your temperament as a child because he’s convinced it will give him insight into the temperaments of your future – and inevitable – children together.)

You’ll disregard his penchant for always staying by your side in the beginning, but as time progresses it’ll become more difficult to let his behavior roll off your back.

Accompanying you to the market is fine, but you’ll bite your lip and find the courage to speak up when he ends up straying a good five feet behind you, his bright eyes burning holes into the back of your head as he keeps pace with you.

(When you turn around to ask him why he’s not walking with you, but rather trailing behind you like some sort of stalker, he’ll just laugh and tell you in that familiar, boisterous voice that he can protect you better this way! Besides, the view from this angle is excellent! Dissecting that last comment will only make you more uncomfortable, so you simply nod and keep walking, picking up your pace and desperately wishes you’d be arriving sooner.)

Him wanting to meet all your friends and acquaintances is fine, but when he’s pushing his way into the conversation and snaking an arm around your waist, you’ll feel just as awkward as your companions, disturbed by the casual manner with which Kyojuro handles you.

(This almost always leads to the assumption that the two of you are together, which you’ll frantically shake your head to, spouting some nonsense about being just friends that makes Kyojuro’s brows cock inwards, sending a glance at you with quizzical eyes. Just friends? You are certainly friends, but you’re more than that – friends don’t daydream about each other, and friends certainly don’t spend nights with ragged breaths, bucking hips, and the other’s name slipping from their lips like a prayer.)

He’s just a lot, and while you knew this from the beginning, time will only increase his behavior, pushing him more and more into spending time with you, into writing you letters while he’s away on a mission (they’re mostly detailing how much he misses you, telling you of each object and person that reminded him of you, and while it would be sweet, the sheer volume and frequency of these letters will make you loathed to open them), even into pushing past your boundaries and being much, much too familiar with you.

(You’ll bid him goodnight after he’s walked you home from the meal he insisted you share, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint and instead waltzes straight into your modest home, settling himself at your tableside and beaming at you, telling you to join me, my flame, I wish to hear about your deepest desires! He won’t insist on staying the night, as that would be too inappropriate for a not yet married couple – which he seems to be insinuating the two of you are – and will eventually take his leave, but not before gently grabbing your hand and pressing a kiss against your knuckles that’s much, much too wet, and far too long.)

His clinginess can be suffocating, of course, but once you’re stuck with him, forced to live in the Rengoku estate and call him your husband?

Well, if you thought he was needy before, it’s nothing compared to the way he treats you then – constantly wandering hands (concentrated mostly at your waist, hips, and squeezing your thighs), compliments that toe the line between heartfelt and disturbing (you are so very beautiful, particularly when you’re asleep – did you know that you smell a certain way when you’re unconscious? It’s sweet, like ripe fruit; I wish to smell it at all times), and those eyes always, always focused on you.

Every free moment he has goes into attending to you, whether you want it or not, so don’t even bother trying to get some distance from the Flame Pillar.

He will invade your space and he will not be regretful, his delusions most often barring him from even realizing that you’re uncomfortable.  

He’s simply a man who ardently admires and desires you, and at the end of the day, you can’t even really blame him. Because, as they say, love makes one do crazy things, and he’s certainly, certainly in love with you.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

When it comes to jealousy, Kyojuro is surprisingly relatively unaffected, all things considered.

He’s not someone who’s biting at your heels the moment another man spares you a glance, and while he obviously doesn’t like the way other men interact with you, he’s not nearly as suffocating regarding his possessiveness as some of his fellow Hashira.

He tends to give others the benefit of the doubt, and while he’s still very protective over you and would immediately step in if another man posed a threat to your safety or comfort, he doesn’t automatically assume that any man who interacts with you has nefarious intent.

And so, he doesn’t immediately grow jealous and snarl at any man stupid enough to come within a few feet of you – he’s not as depraved, at least in that sense.

(In others, absolutely, but if Kyojuro has one redeeming quality, it’s his judgement of character.)

However, this isn’t because of some moral high ground the Pillar possesses, or a firm sense of lucidity – in fact, it’s quite the opposite, as his delusions drive most of his indifference regarding other men giving you attention.

He’s so, so confident in the idea that you’re meant for one another that he honestly doesn’t even register that you could interested in another man, that you could be stolen away from him willingly, that you could fall in love with anyone but the Flame Hashira himself.

He just doesn’t get it, and so he isn’t as suffocating as he could be in these situations – no, not by a long shot, something you’re admittedly equal parts lucky and unlucky for.

Because really, while you won’t have to deal with the isolation that comes with extreme levels of possessiveness, being Kyojuro’s darling is certainly not an easy ride – how can it be, when he’s so blatantly unaware of the signs in front of him that a man is coming on to you, that he’s smiling and flirting with you and reaching out to brush the hair away from your eyes while you bashfully grin and laugh at his lame jokes?

How can you not be unsettled with the way he’s so unaffected, always spouting nonsense about how in love you two are, how perfect of a match you are, how no man would ever dare take you away from me – how could anyone break such a real bond of love?

It’s disturbing, and as time passes slowly you’ll come to realize that while he won’t drag you kicking and screaming away from another man trying to get more than familiar with you, the alternative of watching him broadcast what he perceives to be your ‘relationship’ to every stranger who makes eye contact with you will get old very quickly, the feeling of him almost trying to show you off making your skin crawl and a cold sweat break out over your hairline.

Kyojuro isn’t subtle, not in the least, which is why the minute another man approaches you, you should be ready – the embarrassment will be thick, as will the discomfort of everyone involved (except the Hashira himself, of course).

So you might as well stop trying to converse with other people – after all, Kyojuro has no problem acting on his intuition, so won’t you just not give him a reason to be so extravagant? 

The moment the man in the small market stall shoots you a shy smile and approaches you, there’s already a sinking feeling settling in your gut, the knowledge that your self-proclaimed ‘lover’ is only a few stalls down making you bite your lip in anxiety.

He’s polite, by all accounts – full lips a pleasant pink color ask you about your opinion on the newest shipment of melons, the fruit laid out in front of you in a pleasing display. There’s a respectful distance of a few feet between your bodies, and his voice is soft, calming, the complete opposite of the boisterous, loud slayer you’ve come to be so close with. It’s refreshing, and you shoot him a smile as well as you point to a certain melon on the display.

This one looks ripe – you can tell, you know, by the markings on the fruit. The more yellow spots, the better the texture will be.

The man’s still looking at you, but his gaze shifts to the fruit as he nods in agreement. He laughs a bit, then reaches out to pick up the melon. I’ll trust your advice, then.

 The interaction is somewhat short, sweet and innocent, and though you get the feeling that the man finds you attractive (the light blush on his cheeks tells you as much), you don’t feel particularly uncomfortable.

But all too soon the peace of the moment is ending, and a familiar call of your name has your spine stiffening, your throat bobbing as you heavily swallow. The call comes again, and all too soon there’s an unfortunately familiar hand settling on your waist, Kyojuro’s muscular arm wrapping around your body and pulling you flush against his side.

Being so close in public would normally embarrass you, but you can’t find it in yourself to care when you know what’s coming.

My flame, who is this? A friend of yours? Kyojuro asks, and before you can open your mouth to answer, the stranger does.

Oh, um, I’m Takeru.

He’s visibly uncomfortable, and as you try to subtly squirm out of the slayer’s grasp, Kyojuro’s smile only widens.

He nods his head lightly, his smile growing even brighter. A pleasure to meet you, Takeru! I am Kyojuro Rengoku, thank you for helping keep her safe at this busy market place!

The man – Takeru – shifts awkwardly, unsure how to respond to such a strange comment, but it doesn’t seem to stop your unwanted companion.

You see, she has such a habit of wandering away in crowded places, and it makes it hard to keep an eye on her! You’d be amazed at how often I’ve seen her trip and fall in places like these!

 He laughs at that, and you feel a new kind of embarrassment eat away at you. Does he really need to be sharing all this information?

Yes, it’s very crowded, Takeru agrees, and you silently send him a pleading look. He blinks at you, discomfort clearly swimming in the black depths of his dark eyes, and internally you beg Kyojuro to just drag you both away from the stranger.

She can be so forgetful, but that’s the wonderful thing about love! Despite her clumsiness, she is still graceful and elegant to me, and that’s a sign of true love, wouldn’t you agree?

Takeru nods, hesitantly, and you grit your teeth.

Kyojuro sighs dreamily from beside you, squeezing you even tighter against his side. And I do love her, of course! She is my soulmate, the future mother of my children, and every time I gaze at her, my devotion only grows deeper!

You’re visibly embarrassed now, trying to cover your face and desperately willing the interaction to just be over, but Kyojuro doesn’t seem to hear your silent prayers.

He grabs your wrist gently, his lips pressing kisses against the inside of your wrist, and immediately you’re eyes grow wide. Surely he wouldn’t, not in a public setting –

He cuts your thoughts off with a press of his lips against yours, the groan that he releases against you making you shiver in anything but pleasure. Your eyes are still open, and you see Takeru staring with a dropped jaw, evidently shocked at Kyojuro’s blatant display of affection.

Your brows furrow, and as he slips his tongue past your lips, you find yourself only able to focus on the way Kyojuro is growing louder, his groans getting more pronounced as the kiss grows hungrier, more desperate, feeling less like a tender, heartfelt sign of love.

After a good two minutes he finally pulls away, your lips feeling sticky and wet from his saliva. He stares down at you with heady eyes, his tongue licking his lips as he whispers your name under his breath.

You go to say his name, to ask him if you can just leave the market, but he cuts you off with a laugh.

Oh my flame, where did Takeru go? We must have scared him off with our display of passion! My sincere hopes that he’ll one day find a love like ours.

You very much don’t wish that, but as Kyojuro grasps your hand and guides you to the edge of the market place, passing through the spot Takeru had departed from during your sudden and overtly steamy kiss, you’ll find yourself sighing.

The blatant act of romance was unwarranted and unwanted, of course, but somehow your lips are tingling, your heart racing in shamefulness and something else – something that grows stronger and Kyojuro turns to look back at you, a grin stretching across his lips, his cheeks tinted pink as he gazes at you.

It’s wrong and you’ll hate it, every part of you screaming to not be fooled by the boyish look he’s giving you; he’s a slayer, a grown man who very clearly doesn’t understand that you are not future spouses, that you are not in love.

You’ll hate yourself for it, but even as he leads you back to your home, guiding you and not letting your hand go the whole way (even though you you’re very familiar with the route and don’t need his navigational help), you’ll find yourself almost, almost wishing he’d kiss you again – just not in front of a stranger this time.

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Because he’s on the more delusional side, Kyojuro’s view of your relationship is warped.

He’s already eager in the context of romantic relationships, but in yours, specifically, he’s rushing through all the steps, too excited to get that gold ring on your finger and his last name replacing yours to really take his time with you.

And this becomes problematic particularly because you will have no idea, at least at first, that the Flame Hashira believes you’re courting one another, that it’s simply a matter of time before you’re keeping his bed warm and nursing his children.

And because of this quick timeline of your relationship, Kyojuro is actually quite quick to propose living together. Of course, it’s a bit taboo to be living under the same roof before you’re wed, but he’s willing to bend the traditional rules a bit if you put up any sort of opposition.

If you decline his blatant requests to live with him, he won’t relent. Initially, he’ll bluntly ask you in the middle of a shared meal if you’d like to move your belongings into the Rengoku mansion - I can have a few servants come to assist in the moving process, if you’d like, and of course I’ll be there to help carry anything heavy!

When you stare at him like he’s grown two heads, he’ll be a little confused, and curiously asks you why you seem to be shocked.

When you honestly respond, at a loss as to why he’s asking you to live with him when you’re very, very firmly just friends, Kyojuro will only laugh in response, his hand coming down to slap his knee because oh, you’re so funny, you sweet, coy little thing.

He’ll drop the subject that day, moving on to ask you about your thoughts about the weather or your favorite color or anything at all, greedy to hear your voice and bask in your attention.

But the next day, when he suddenly pops out of nowhere and accompanies you on your walk into town to buy a few necessities, the question is prompted once more.

I only have two separate futons, but I’m sure we could push them together! Similarly, I only have two blankets, but I’m sure my body heat will keep you warm!

You’ll be confused, giving yourself just a hair more distance between your bodies (he’d gotten very close without you noticing), throwing him a glance and worryingly asking what are you talking about?

He’s so nonchalant when he answers our sleeping arrangements, of course that it makes you wonder if you’ve missed something, if you’re somehow not in the loop because when the fuck did you agree to sleep in the same room as him, much less in such a position where you could feel his body heat?

You’ll negate his questions and try to change the topic once more, but Kyojuro is relentless - everyday there will be a new question of when you’ll inevitably be living together, and with every day he gets more and more restless to finally have you in his arms as he sleeps, to come home to you after long missions, to relish in the sight of you peacefully reading or crafting in the morning sun, wearing his clothing and smelling like him.

He’s a patient man, yes, but even Kyojuro has his limits - and he finally reaches this limit when one day he can’t seem to find you anywhere.

It’s like you’ve disappeared off the face of the Earth - he’d wanted to spend some time with you (really, he’d just finished his allotted training for the day and had been idly daydreaming about holding your hand the whole time, and was now in desperate need of finding you to intertwine your fingers with his), but your home was empty and none of your neighbors seemed to remember seeing you leave.

Immediately worry is eating away at him, because his sole job as your future lover and husband is to keep tabs on you and protect you, and he’d been too busy focusing on himself and getting stronger to fulfill his duty.

He searches for you in all the common spots he knows you visit, and with each empty location his desperation gets a bit more extreme, his panic slowly engulfing him because where the fuck could you be?

Eventually he’s sprinting around the general area you reside in, running mile after mile as his smile slips away and his entire body grows sweaty, his heart racing and even a few tears threatening to well in his eyes because he can’t stomach the thought that you’ve been hurt somehow, that someone has stolen you, that you’re simply gone.

It’s not until the evening that he eventually stumbles upon you, your pretty kimono stained with a bit of dirt as the bottom hem and your shoulders a bit slumped from the heavy bag slung over them, your limbs aching from the long journey it’d taken to visit a friend a few villages over.

He happens to run by you along the path, and immediately he’s stopping and staring, his chest visibly heaving, his eyes wide and vulnerable as he blinks, pinching himself to make sure this is real, that you’re really standing in front of him, that you haven’t been devoured like he’d been imagining.

But all too soon he’s rushing forward, the wind knocked out of your lungs as he tackles you to the ground, clutching you against his chest as he bombards you with questions, slurred and rushed as he asks if you’re okay, are you hurt? Where were you? Why didn’t you tell me you’d be gone today? Did you speak to anyone? Did anyone touch you? Were you scared without me?

He’s speaking so quickly and loudly into your ear that you can’t even get a response in, his voice slightly uneven and betraying the influx of emotion swimming through his chest. He’ll pull back to gaze at you, thumbs brushing over your cheek, before smiling softly and pressing a soft, long kiss to your forehead, whispering to you that you’ll be safe now, my love, forever.

Then it all goes black, and you wake up dressed in a much too nice kimono, sleeping in an ornate room in a futon you don’t recognize, familiar eyes trained on your form as his seated figure watches you slowly wake up beside him. 

As a captor, Kyojuro is mostly just suffocating.

Because he still heavily believes in the delusions he’s been nursing since the beginning of his infatuation with you, he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s done. He doesn’t see his relocation of you as kidnapping, nor does he understand why you seem so unhappy to be with him.

It was inevitable that you’d be sharing the same home and bed, didn’t you know?

Why do you seem so surprised when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you flush against his body, spooning you and sighing your name into your ear with just a bit too much reverence?

Why are you flinching away from him when he pulls you close for a kiss, his calloused fingers gently grasping your chin as he whispers between wet, loud kisses that he loves you, that he’s more in love with you than you could possibly imagine, my flame, you are my light in eternal darkness.

He’s sappy and too much and always hovering around you, his presence smothering you in every sense of the word. He’s clingy and needy, always wanting to be watching you and simply observe you, because even though he now spends nearly every hour of every day he has off in your presence, everything you do is still special to him, interesting and wonderful and important, and he has no sense of boundaries.

He will be standing close to you, practically breathing down your neck. He will ask you all sorts of personal questions, ranging from things like your greatest fears and most embarrassing moments to your menstrual cycle and which spots feel best when you’re touching yourself to the thought of him.

(He assumes you must pleasure yourself while thinking of him, because he does, too, religiously, every night, your pretty face and voice and body at the forefront of his thoughts as he paints his fist white over and over and over.)

He doesn’t see any reason why there should be any sort of barriers between the two of you, because you’re soulmates - made for one another, destined to spend your lives together, your fates irrefutably intertwined and brought together by the unyielding, passionate love you possess for one another.

And, unfortunately, this lack of barriers manifests itself in some pretty undesirable ways - you’ll be sharing one singular toothbrush, for example, Kyojuro insisting that it’s romantic and sweet and becoming of a young couple to share everything with one another, even their saliva.

He’s having the two of you share undergarments; they’re all made of soft, smooth cloth, in a variety of neutral colors that he’ll wear for the day, then shuffle up your legs the next day, smiling and licking his lips because the fabric that spent all day pressed up against him is now pressed up against you.

(And, on days where you’re particularly unlucky, sometimes Kyojuro lets his thoughts run a bit wild once he’s wearing them, his eyes fluttering closed as he imagines you and subtly ruts against his palm as he waits for nightfall in the small village his next mission is in, the time passing slowly until he’s gasping your name and staining the undergarment with wet warmth, already giddy and excited to have you wear them tomorrow, unwashed.)

He’ll even sometimes share food - and not in a sweet, romantic way, but rather in a raw, connected way; he’ll take a bit of food and chew it, then press his lips against yours and push it into your mouth, encouraging you to chew as well, before eventually kissing you once more and swallowing it all himself, his grin nearly blinding because now he’s eaten both the meal and you, or at least a bit of your spit.

He’s just weird, and while he’s constantly showering you in compliments and spoiling you with anything and everything under the sun, it’ll be hard to adjust to this new, strange lifestyle simply because he doesn’t really allow you time to adjust.

He’s expecting everything to be sunshine and roses from the moment you wake up as a freshly kidnapped darling, his expectations high that you’ll be pliant and willing and happy to learn that you’re finally, finally together.

And while it takes a lot of disobedience from you to snap him out of his rose colored view of you, Kyojuro is doing everything in his power to make sure that your relationship is perfect, that he’s taking good care of you and loving you as he should.

Which leads to another important aspect of being his darling - he doesn’t see women is inferior in any way (Shinobu and Mitsuri alone have dispelled that image), but he likes the idea of you being his housewife, fulfilling traditionally feminine duties.

He likes the idea of you taking care of the home, making sure dinner is cooked and served for him in the evening (he’ll often send a crow your way when he’s heading home after missions, just so that you can prepare for his arrival - normally, this means a meal and very little clothing adorning your frame, so that he can feast on your delicious food and then your delicious body), and attending to his every need as he does you.

He likes the idea of you keeping the mansion clean and eagerly awaiting his return home when he’s away, your devotion to him keeping you motivated to make sure everything is perfectly in order for him.

He’s trying for children very, very early on, his thrusts slow, deep and meaningful as he kisses you and promises that this will finally be the load that takes, because the mere idea of you swollen with his child and needing his help to do things even as simple as sitting down makes him giddy and unbearably excited.

And he doesn’t want just one child - oh no, he wants many, as many as you’re willing to give him.

He wants the perfect family with you, and as your captor, he won’t try to hide this wish. You will be made aware that he wants you to dote on him, that he wants you to spread your legs and conceive his child, that he wants you you you.

(He’s discussing potential names with you within the first week of having kidnapped you, his fingers idly tracing over your stomach as he tells you that the first born must be named Shinjuro, then perhaps we’ll have a daughter, and she can be named Hana! But we must also have some named Takeru, Ucharo, Nakagome, Watabe, and of course Shigeru! And after that, if you have any names in mind, we can surely name the following children them!)

 Kyojuro isn’t necessarily bad, per se, as he does genuinely spoil you and give you all the time and attention and physical affection he can, but you’ll feel weighed down, crushed, drowning in the way he always seems to take and take from you.

But eventually, you will grow dependent on him - how can you not? He’s still so sweet with all the compliments he gives you (a little deranged, perhaps, but the sentiment is there), the reverence in his eyes when he gazes at you, the gentleness and eagerness in his touch when he has his hands on you.

He’s complicated, yes, but life with him will be so very simple - just bend to his whims, and perhaps you’ll even enjoy the way he hugs you so tightly it nearly hurts, or how he limits the number of servants who are allowed to speak with you - he just loves you, and is it so wrong to enjoy being loved?

PUNISHMENTS:

As his darling, you’re somewhat lucky that Kyojuro is as delusional as he is, if only because it keeps him mostly blind to any misbehavior and attitude you can throw at him.

Of course, he has his limits, but in general he’s able to write off any snarky comments of yours or slight attempts to put distance between the two of you as you simply you trying to be funny, barking out a laugh and moving even closer to you, pressing into your space even more, making sure there’s not an inch of space between your bodies.

Or, sometimes, he interprets your very blatant rebellions against him as you simply trying to test his resolve – he thinks you’re trying to force him into showing just how deeply he loves you, as if you’re testing just how strong his feelings for you are.

And while he finds this just the slightest bit offensive (you’re doubting his love for you – his passion for you; can you not tell that his heart beats only for you? Can you not see that alongside his duty to the Corp, you’re the reason he breaths, the reason he wakes up in the morning, the reason he’s alive?), it mostly serves as motivation for him to love you harder, to become more expressive with his feelings.

It pushes him to hug you tighter, his fingers nearly leaving bruises with the strength of his grip around you, the hugs going much longer and getting more intimate, if the brush of something big and hard against your thigh is any indication.

It pushes him to compliment you more, the words falling from his lips with such conviction that it’ll almost make you flustered, if the content wasn’t so unnerving.

(There’s lots of you are so beautiful, my flame, but there’s also a lot of you look so peaceful in your sleep, it makes me want to lock you away forever and keep you mine and deep inhales followed by your scent sets me on fire, my love, you don’t know what you do to me.)

He views most of your rebellions as simply you trying to catch his attention, perhaps being a sign that you feel you’re being neglected by all the missions he must leave you and attend to.

And frankly, Kyojuro doesn’t blame you – he wishes he could give you more attention too, because although he feels his job is wildly fulfilling and the morally correct thing to do, a more selfish part of his heart yearns to spend his days with you in his hands instead of his sword, your body curled up against his while he keeps you warm and tells you how deeply he loves you.

And because of all the different avenues he employs to simply disregard any negative behavior from you, punishments with Kyojuro are extremely rare. It takes quite a bit to push him into reality for even a brief moment, to force him to come face to face with the fact that you aren’t happy and that you don’t love him.

He only has a few triggers that can be powerful enough to force him into this mindset – you harming yourself, and you attempting to escape.

When you injure yourself, it’s difficult to rationalize why you would have done that, but he’s normally able to scold you (with condescending words and tone, that same smile stretched across his lips), telling you to be more careful and let me prepare your bath next time, all burns from hot water must be avoided in the future! But you trying to escape is not so easy to twist into a pleasing fantasy of his.

It’s much harder to understand why you’re ceaselessly trying to break open the windows of the estate, to the point where your knuckles bleed and your elbows bruise. It’s harder to understand why you try to work at the lock keeping the main doors sealed, your poor fingernails splitting and aching from all the tugging and pulling.

He’s not sure why you’re going through so much trouble – surely there must be easier ways to get his attention. Surely there must be less painful and pitiful methods to get him fawning over you and proving his dedication to you – so why aren’t you taking them? Why are you choosing this difficult path, one that makes him apprehensive to leave you alone for more than thirty seconds?

(Not that that’s the only reason he’s hesitant to leave you alone – his clinginess and desire for your physical touch is the bulk majority – but it’s still a major player.)

And when he asks you, with his arms wrapped around your abdomen, your own arms flailing and your legs kicking at anything you can reach, your answer will have him pausing for a moment, an unwelcome feeling of reality washing back over him.

Because I hate being here, I want to go home! Please, let me go home!

His spine goes straight at that, his eyes widening ever so slightly, your punches and kicks to his shoulders and thighs doing nothing to faze him. You want… to go home? But aren’t you already home, by his side?

His grip tightens on you, a sort of displeased hum ringing in your ears. He’s carrying you away from the front doors and down the convoluted hallways of the estate, his grip on you never weakening.

Your words repeat over and over in his head, each replay confusing him more and more. You aren’t happy being here? With him? He bites his lip, bright eyes glancing down at you in his arms, with big tears slipping down your cheeks and your shoulders shaking with poorly concealed sobs.

This doesn’t seem like an attempt at gaining his attention – why would you go through such lengths? In all his time of falling in love with you, he’s never known you to be such a good actor.

Your tears look real, as does the sound of your voice when you whisper his name and weakly pound your fist against his chest, begging him to let me go home, I can’t be here any longer, I can’t stand it!

He sets you down onto the bed of the bedroom he’s brought you into – the bedroom where he forces you to sleep beside him, your nightclothes sticking to your skin with the heat that radiates from his body and the sheer proximity his forced cuddling creates.

He’ll watch as you scramble away from him, curling your knees to your chest and looking up at him with such raw, pained eyes, and for a moment it makes Kyojuro’s heart clench, genuine regret rushing through him.

Has he made you this upset? Is he the reason for your anguish? It makes something heavy and uncomfortable settle into his chest, and it’s that driving force that pushes him to come closer to you, matching your every scoot away from him with a step towards you.

Eventually your back hits the wall and he kneels before you, his face mere inches from your own.

Tell me, my flame, why are you so displeased?

 His question makes you gulp, but before you can stop yourself your mouth is already moving, every repressed thought and emotion you’ve felt the last few weeks you’ve been stuck with him finally coming to light.

Because you’re a monster! You’ve kidnapped me and forced me into being your wife, and you have the audacity to ask me why I’m upset? I can’t stay with you, Kyojuro, not here, not anywhere! We aren’t in love – you’re mistaken, I don’t love you and whatever this is, it’s not love, so don’t tell me you love me! Please, just let me return to my home and family, I beg of you.

You cut yourself off with a small sob, and as your eyes flutter closed for a brief moment, your blood runs cold when they reopen.

You’ve never seen Kyojuro look like this – gone is that familiar grin of his, instead replaced with a harsh, straight, tight lipped expression. His eyes no longer hold any of the warmth and adoration he normally gazes at you with – rather, they seem unbearably cold, the heavy weight of his stare making you shrink in on yourself despite your rather brave speech. And something about his presence feels much larger than you’ve ever experienced it – it’s in this moment that you realize just how defined and huge the muscles he’s sporting across his upper and lower body are, the man before you holding more strength in his pinky finger than you in all of your body.

It’s crushing, the sick, horrible feeling that something is terribly wrong making your every hair stand on end, your breath ragged as you wait for his next move. Kyojuro nods slowly, his expression not changing.

I see.

You bite your lip, anxiety making a pit form in your stomach.

You need to be reminded of what’s important, my flame. You’ve become misguided – but don’t fret, I will help guide you back to the path. This will hurt, but with time you’ll understand my actions and perhaps even thank me for them.

His words have red flags raising immediately in your mind, but before you can really even process your own questions, his hand is shooting out grasping on of yours, fingers pressing against the pad of your index finger and pushing pushing pushing –

There’s a sickening crunch noise that fills your ears, and everything feels numb for a moment before white-hot, acute agony rushes through you, your finger already swelling and throbbing from the broken bone now within it.

Kyojuro watches as you sob harder, your eyes red and puffy as you look at him, your gaze weak and, quite frankly, pitiful. He only takes a deep breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing, before moving to the next finger, a matching crunch sound only making you cry harder.

Eventually, each finger on your left hand is broken, his hands already moving to start on your right. He’s quick about each break, not letting the pain linger any longer than absolutely necessary, but it doesn’t matter.

By the time he finishes with your right thumb, you’re nearly numb from the pain, your tears having run dry as you shake and jerk with every hiccup and sob that wracks your frame. The sight hurts Kyojuro, truly – and he’ll tell you as much.

Shh, oh my flame, don’t cry – I know it hurts terribly, but so does my heart. Do you see now? Do you see that I love you? I’m showing you that our love is real and pure – I will nurse you back to your proper health. I will be your hands when you cannot touch, and I will stay at your bedside every free moment to keep you company and ensure a quick recovery. Do you understand now? This is your home – no one can care for you in the way that I can.

His voice is soft, with a certain condescending lilt to it that only makes you dumbly nod, the pain still rendering you numb to your surroundings. And as Kyojuro carefully picks you up once more, moving you to your shared futon and gently tucking you under the covers, he’ll quickly gather some small sticks and medical gauze, wrapping each finger and cooing at you all the while.

And as he places a kiss onto each finger tip once its wrappings are complete, you’ll find yourself considering his words.

The conviction to individually break each finger of your lover is certainly no joke – perhaps he could be correct? Is this love?

Is the way he'll carefully feed you your meals as your wounds heal a sign of his truly undying feelings for you?

Is the way he bathes you (with wandering hands and stuttered breaths) a sign that he does truly care for you?

Is the way he helps you use the restroom without the use of your own hands a sign that he’ll truly stand by your side through darkness and light?

Your brain screams no, every ounce of your independence fighting the stream of questions, but some part of you finds comfort in the notion, in believing Kyojuro when he says that he loves you.

And as the days pass and your injuries slowly heal, your captor’s constant presence by your side helping to keep you clean, healthy and well fed, you’ll find that part of you growing louder and louder, drowning out your mind.

Because really, does it even matter? Kyojuro Rengoku is a man of dedication and unwavering devotion – and if he wants you to love him, isn’t it only a matter of time before he succeeds?

After all, who are you to stand your ground in the face of someone like him?

OVERALL DANGER:

 6/10

Kyojuro isn’t necessarily dangerous, or at least in the sense of being a threat to your life. He’s clingy and needy and out of touch with reality, of course, but he doesn’t enjoy the notion of hurting you. He’s willing to, if it’s his only choice, but you’ll never need to worry that any hidden sadistic tendencies of his will emerge. He’ll never suddenly develop the desire to see you cry, nor will he suddenly discard you should his feelings dissipate.

Once his infatuation begins, Kyojuro is committed to making sure that you stay healthy, happy, and – most importantly – by his side.

He’s convinced that he’s the one that can make you happy, that he can give you the most perfect, loving future, filled with laughter, kisses, stolen touches and even a few children with bright yellow and red hair running around the estate.

He’s convinced that he can make you happy, that he already does make you happy, and it will be extremely difficult to snap him out of this fantasy he’s created for the two of you.

He’s an influential man with extreme importance, and you’d be extremely hard pressed to find anyone who would even believe you if you were to somehow escape him, if you were to somehow catch on to his nefarious intentions before he’s stolen you away.

It’s the combination of being surrounded by death, and a yearning to be happy and build a loving family that pushes him to pursue you, developing a future with you feeling so fucking important that he simply can’t resist the drive to court you, to wed you, to see your gorgeous smile and the pretty golden ring with flames engraved on it around your finger.

He’s simply a man in love, and if that love means his hands on your body, pulling you closer and closer and closer until you can hardly breath, so be it.

It’s only natural for something as powerful as love to create such a strong devotion, and isn’t it oddly romantic, in a way? To know that someone as powerful, important and revered as Kyojuro is in love with little old you?

Doesn’t it make you feel good to know you have the Flame Pillar wrapped around your finger, that he’d get on his knees for you at just the merest flutter of your lashes?

He’s truly in love, so embrace it with open arms – he sure is, and things will be much, much better for you the sooner you accept the love he’s so frantically delivering to you.

[screemnch]

The Pathologic Russian and English analysis: Artemy Burakh the Haruspex.

On this episode of “I am definitely not okay and dedicate my time to sillygoofy things” - we look at the Haruspex in the Bachelor's campaign. This alone took me a whole month, because there is a lot of funk happening in my life, so the Changeling will have to wait a little more. Anyway. Y’all maybe don’t know the drill quite yet, so let’s start at the beginning.

What is the Haruspex like in the English version? Well, discarding the “sweet but tired dad” persona that the entire fandom has assigned the poor guy, the impression I got while watching people playing through the game is that he is first and foremost a very impulsive person, and that, in a way, carries over to his speech. He’s also very cryptic to the other healers, in that ominous “you shouldn’t have done that” way. If I hadn’t read at least a bit of his dialogue lines for the previous analysis, I would have assumed that he’d be the one to use all those “rough” words every other sentence, since that’s how people from outside of the capital cities are usually portrayed. In the Bachelor’s campaign, he is almost like a goddamn cryptid, that tells you he doesn’t know what antibodies are and then presents you with a panacea on the very next day - he speaks very little and does not bother with niceties besides the honorary title. In the Changeling campaign, all those factors seem to be even more emphasised. Overall he acts even more distant, even more ominous and is even more threatening, since it’s seen through the eyes of a scared little girl (she’s also a miracle worker but we won’t talk about it now). Both of the campaigns are, of course, drastically different from what we have in the Haruspex campaign - which is where we get to see the whole “guided by the heart” thing in action. From the other two’s perspective, he is an ominous, potentially volatile, but still helpful figure. And his speech matches that exactly. So let’s get cracking.

As the Bachelor: the vibes are pretty consistent between the English and Russian version. The Haruspex is just as cryptic and curt in both of them, and doesn’t talk in the manner usually given to all these “rough and dangerous” types in Russian fiction. In all honesty, I think it’s the fact that his manner of speech is so simple and short that made translating it to English so much easier (or at least I think it was). Sadly, there is so little dialogue, that it also meant I barely get to talk about anything interesting, since what little there is to look at, is mostly accurate. But, when there ARE differences… Oh boy are those differences. So, you’ll see a little bit of other characters in this analysis as well because these interactions in the Bachelor campaign felt almost like an afterthought. Like, the writers knew how the wanted them to meet and part, so in the middle, they just used Burakh to be a tool for exposition, and not much else. Additionally, the “fairytale-like” way of speech that Artemy has in his own campaign seems to be gone here, and I can’t wait to see what happens to it with the Changeling. With all that being said, here is the more fun stuff: aka the snippets and screenshots! Once again, the chronological order is dubious at best, and most of this was written at two am in the morning, so I hope this isn’t completely insane.

Very interesting choices made in the translation here. First and foremost - instead of relying on his heart to guide him, the Haruspex specifically says that he is guided by “his love” which, depending on how consistent this change is, might strengthen the connection between several different themes. Now to the fun part - “it’s a shame we aren’t standing together.” I need you people to understand that I am trying to remain as impartial as possible when I write these, without inserting my own opinions of the story or anything. But, the much more word-for-word translation of that line would be “Pity, that we aren’t together.” And yes, people being “together” does also have the same connotation in Russian as it does in English. And while I understand that it’s mostly likely supposed to imply “allyship,” I think it could be worded a lot better, had the writers wanted to avoid misunderstandings.

Let’s focus on the last sentence here: in English, the Haruspex says he admires Rubin’s determination to help people. In the original version however, the sentence is “He deserves respect.” See, the interesting thing here is the difference between “I” and “everyone.” Where in the English version Burakh voices his personal approval of Rubin, in Russian it’s an unspecified, but general statement, which bears the implications that others should respect him as well. And while the difference itself isn’t too significant on its own, when paired with the fact that Rubin is someone who’s on the run from half of the town, it hits a bit different. 

Also, and I didn’t really know where to stick this, and maybe this could’ve waited until we actually got to Rubin as a character, but yeah. I wanted to point out specifically that the word “master” in Russian doesn’t have a dual meaning. Cuz, correct me if I’m wrong, in English this can both refer to a master of a certain activity (ie martial arts master) as well as a proprietor of something (ie master of the house). In Russian, however, the word “master” refers exclusively to a “master of their craft” type of people. A master of a property is referred to as an “owner”. The “Mistresses” in Pathologic are also referred to as “owners” (with a suffix that indicates female). This creates a bit of a confusion, because the word exists in both of the languages, but only shares some of the meanings. And uh… This is related to this quote because uh… Something-something recognition of expertise.

I’m personally a big fan of the themes of freedom, and how different people react to losing their freedom of choice, or dealing with the information that they were never free to choose to begin with. And that brings us to this little line, which I find particularly interesting. In the original Russian dialogue, Burakh says that he had already “lost” his freedom, in the way one loses something in a game. I feel this shines a different light on both how he eventually reacts to being told that he’s just a toy in a child’s game (he’s had to deal with disempowerment this whole time, it’s nothing new to him) but also with how he views his loss of freedom. Not something that some higher power has revoked from him, but rather something that he himselfs basically “gambled away.” In that sense, I can see the eventual reveal that everyone is simply a toy in a sandbox being a relief. In the way that it wasn’t his fault after all, that everything was predetermined, and that he couldn’t have carelessly lost something he didn’t have in the first place. Makes me wonder what the dialogue between these two would’ve been like if they’d met on the first day in this campaign.

I have a shamefully small amount of notes as I go through these, so I’m literally latching on to anything to talk about. I pointed out how dry and laconic the Haruspex is, but god DAMN if that doesn’t make for text that’s easy to translate - and that gives me less things to work with. For example this - a simple word difference in the last sentence that you couldn’t possibly translate properly without sounding illiterate. Because as it is - the translation is accurate in the last sentence. But that’s because “evil” in English is both a noun and an adjective. In Russian, however, the adjective for “evil” also makes for a synonym to “angry” and that doesn’t fit with the meaning conveyed here. Burakh calls Clara “evil itself” the embodiment of evil, all that shabang. It’s something that is recurrent in people talking about her, from what I’ve seen - people address her as a concept, and link her to more generalised ideas, rather than specific characteristics. Either way, it’s a fun thing to think about.

Hi, confused, I’m dad. I did a thing where I tried to read the English dialogue in its entirety first, because I wanted to avoid talking about information that was already accessible in English, and I remember being confused at this line, because… The cattle grounds were on the other side of the Gorkhon? Since when???? It didn’t make sense with the rest of the dialogue either, and the Russian version says “on this side of the Gorkhon” so… What gives? Assuming that the website is accurate (cuz if not, then I’d have to go and check in the actual game which would take hours to get to) does this then just mean it was a simple translation error? Or did the writers decide to change the lore as they were translating? It confuses me so much, because overall the game is well translated, so I don’t get how no one noticed that the meaning of the sentence becomes completely flipped here. Anyways, if you’re like me and that confused the hell out of you in English, just know that it makes sense in Russian and you can sleep soundly. Also, on the more chill note, there is no reference to a kraken in the Russian version, the deposits are compared to octopus tendrils.

I know this isn’t Bachelor time again, but I wanted to point out that there’s a switch back to the formal “you” here, and I feel like it throws a wrench into my previous theory. Or maybe it supports it. Let’s try to be objective here. The simplest explanation could be simply that this is a continuity break, that this was completely unintentional from the writers, and that I am trying to figure out why the curtains are blue in a situation where they are, indeed, just blue. But we like fun here, so let’s assume the curtains are blue for a reason. The real problem is whether this works with my previously established theory, or if it's for a completely different reason.

If we are going with the supposition that the Bachelor switches to formal “you” when he is uncomfortable (which some people found strange when I brought it up, but it’s a legit thing in Russian. Like, I do that sometimes when I want to place a little bit of professional distance between myself and whoever I’m speaking to, though sometimes the person might get upset if you do that) then one possible explanation would be that he is uncomfortable with the implications that this new knowledge has brought to light - a huge residential part of the town is sorta kinda maybe doomed. It could also be the overall dread of what the other piece of news would be.

On the opposing side of this argument is a somewhat mundane explanation that would bypass my theory completely. The idea that the switch to a more formal language was either an attempt to keep the conversation civil and “professional” at a spot where a conflict of interests could potentially emerge, or the possibility that it simply happened because sometimes a person doesn’t know where they stand, or what would be more appropriate in this situation, and opt for the safe formal version.

I do want to apologise, in case y’all don’t wanna hear these hypotheses of mine, I just thought it would be unfair to pretend like my explanations are the only ones out there, so yeah.

Welcome back to “mom pick me up, the translations are being weird again” this time - "my confidants are alive. Are you sure they’re alive? I see no problems." Perfect, flawless logic, I love. And while I understand that the original Russian version uses a very “ye olde” version of “if,” I still assume that the translating team spoke Russian and understood the meaning of the sentence. For context - the modern version of “if” in Russian is “если” (yesli). However, in this line, the Haruspex uses an older word “коль” (kol’), which implies a condition, or an “if” scenario. But the word itself isn’t extinct, people still understand what it implies, the same way native English speakers would know that “thou” means “you.” Like, I can’t imagine how the meaning got flipped in here, it just confuses me. Either way, the “I see no problems with that” is also kinda wonky, because it makes it sound like Burakh has no problem with the “my bound are alive - so I’ll be at the meeting” logic. In Russian, he specifically says “-I’ll come. I see no obstacles.” As in - there is nothing to stop me from doing so. Anyway, translation wonky, let’s see how the rest of it goes.

Now that’s an interesting difference. And a morbid one at that. This is the line where the Haruspex talks about his bound “rebuilding the settlement and turning their lives to become the angels of its foundation.” Which I interpreted more in the sense of - becoming the highly revered figures of the town, with lots of authority and responsibility - like angels. And I’m curious to see how y’all interpreted this, because I did not anticipate the Russian version in the slightest. And it’s this: “... my bound, that are destined to bring this town back to life and lay down their lives under its new cornerstones.” For one, I find it curious that both in English and Russian there is such a similar turn of phrase - because “lay down their lives” could have been translated almost word for word. But also… I am so confused. Is the sacrifice in this sense a literal one? Or does he simply mean a dedication to the town so strong that it could count as giving up one’s life? Either way, this is definitely a curious difference in translation, and I’m not sure what to make of it.

The interesting thing is… For the most part the “Are you aware that we turned out to be toys” dialogue starts the same in both the Haruspex and the Bachelor runs, only diverging in a few character-specific moments. This is one of them and… I don’t even know where to begin with this bit of dialogue, and not because it’s bad. I think it’s translated well, but there are about a hundred tiny little differences that change the vibe a little to the left, make some phrases more bitter and others more candid. For one the whole “take a closer look” in Russian is a direct invitation to compare the two healers, not an implied one. Secondly, instead of not being “a toy to keep” Burakh says that he (in a literal translation) “isn’t to be pitied.” But because Russian is a funky language, what this phrase actually means is - he doesn’t see himself as worth being concerned over, someone who, if sacrificed or given up, wouldn’t be seen as that big of a loss by others. Someone who others would readily discard, without feeling guilt, pity or sorrow. And I have big feelings about that. Additionally, the line about the Bachelor being “an entirely different thing” is kinda funny to me, because it’s a pretty long sentence in English, but in Russian it’s just… Four words, two of which are only two letters long. It definitely carries a different vibe, simply because of how laconic it is, it comes across as much more of an exclamation. In the closest to a literal translation while still remaining coherent, he says “You’re a different case!” which in turn conveys the vibe of “But look at you!” and while I think the translation does a great job at communicating both of them, they also lose the abruptness of the exclamation, which I think adds to the line.

Still not Bachelor hours anymore, but I wanted to point out that the “You’re having fun… Somehow I fail to join in” is a line that sounds sombre and distant, but the Russian version is “You’re laughing… But I don’t find this funny at all” and it has the wording of a child entering their “sulking mode” because someone made a lighthearted joke that they don’t get. Ok, maybe not that extreme, but there’s definitely a lot of bitterness to it, because the idea of being dolls clearly affects the Bachelor very heavily, and then he sees the Haruspex just being like “yeah we might be dolls. So what? You only care cuz you’re made of better materials anyway, lol.” And I imagine that’s pretty hurtful.

Reading this in English, I could practically feel the “there was supposed to be an idiom here, but it’s one of the ridiculous ones, so we had to translate the meaning instead” coming from this line - particularly the “not a single weak spot anywhere” part. And sure enough, the original Russian version says “...everything was done cleanly - a mosquito won’t sharpen its nose” (the nose, obviously being the proboscis). And while I am a big fan of Russian idioms, and was a proud owner of not one, not two, but three books on them as a kid, I’ve never actually heard of this one. The phrase itself means a job perfectly and flawlessly done, to the point where it can’t be improved upon. The leading interpretation to its origin is the idea that a mosquito’s proboscis is a perfect tool for its purpose - long enough to reach blood and thin enough that a person usually doesn’t even feel a mosquito bite until it’s too late. A mosquito’s “nose” could not be any thinner or sharper - therefore a mosquito won’t sharpen its nose.

God, how is it that in the series of dialogues that are the most dry and direct, in the few places where discrepancies are present, the discrepancies are the most confounding and meaning-altering ones? This is still from the dialogue in which the Haruspex and the Bachelor discuss Aglaya on the final day, and the choices in the translation are kind of confusing to me. The original line is “As far as I understand, in the orders given to her, the Powers That Be have concealed (or kept from her) the fact that they want to save the town specifically alongside the Polyhedron.” And while you can still get that implication from the surrounding dialogue, with the whole talk of “she would’ve caught on to the scent of foul play,” it’s still weird that this line was translated so differently. Because as it is, it creates the feeling that it was more of a “technicality” scenario. You know the trope: “I never said anything about so and so, therefore this little inconsistency is going to screw you over, should’ve read the fine print” etc. Almost gives this dialogue a sense of snark, while it’s the exact opposite. The English version weighs in more on the Powers That Be being cold and inconsiderate, while the Russian version is specifically aimed towards emphasising the idea that Aglaya is not to blame. You know. What this whole dialogue is about - Burakh “painting Aglaya as the victim.”

And that’s about all I’ve got for the Haruspex from the Bachelor’s point of view. There are a few things here that shine a new light on some of the themes, or specifically the relationship between Burakh and his sense of fate and control. The overall theme that there is always something higher up that is either in charge or to blame for the things happening, and that Artemy usually takes on as much responsibility as possible because there are only a few things that are truly up to him. Like, that’s why he doesn’t blame Aglaya for her spite or deception, and why he isn’t hostile to the Bachelor in this run - he sees both of them become disillusioned and spiteful, when they find out that all the decisions have been made for them. But as someone who’s never felt much freedom, from responsibilities and choices made and imposed on him by his father, to him being able to see the Lines and where they lead, he’s had to learn to be grateful and accepting of the little choices that he is allowed to make.

And while these closing remarks aren’t exactly exclusive to the Russian version, it just makes me understand the Haruspex ending better. Like, it took me a while to figure out why he’s the character who’s seen as the one “capable of being actually free” or whatever it is that the devs say to Clara (you). It’s because everyone else who is aware of their nature (except Clara, maybe, I’m not sure yet) is someone to whom this is a disheartening and devastating revelation - they become blinded with this knowledge and end up “acting out” exactly the way they were supposed to. Aglaya doesn’t manage to disobey or defy the Powers That Be, nor does Daniil. Yulia too - though she doesn’t know this is all a children’s game, her theory about the “tripwires of fate” is what ultimately traps her in the path chosen for her. The Haruspex on the other hand, not only had to grow up with the idea that he’s fated to become the Warden - serving the purpose of the Kin, but quite literally could see the way things are predetermined. The fact that they’re all dolls, to him, is just a different way of seeing the Lines. So it makes sense that the best ending in the Haruspex run isn't the Termite ending, but the ending of any of the other healers - because then he actually makes a choice. Exercises the little bit of freedom that he has. It's a very interesting progression, where as the Bachelor you , the player, can claim responsibility for his choices, as the Haruspex you can make a choice despite the game's predetermined nature, and then as Clara you get to do both. Throughout these campaigns, you are gradually gaining freedom from the constrictions of the game.

Either way, who knows how long it will be until Clara's point of view on the Haruspex, I certainly don't. But if there is any feedback or stuff, I'm always open to hearing it.

[ecargmura]

Wonderful Precure Episode 4 Review - Meet The Nekoyashikis

Oh my gosh, Mayu’s mother Sumire is beautiful. And she’s voiced by Chiwa Saito, meaning she’s Homura Akemi and Yona. That’s a crazy choice to have for a mother character and I’m rolling with it. It’s interesting to see what the Nekoyashiki family will bring to the story now that Mayu and the cat Yuki are introduced. Iroha’s mom Yuko and Sumire are really pretty. I wonder if Satoru’s mom will be pretty too…

Mayu is very socially awkward. She gets anxious around people and it stems from her being a loner at her old school. Her only source of comfort is being around her mom and Yuki. Fortunately, meeting Iroha at the grand opening of Pretty Holic has her hope that she’ll be good friends with her. I’ve seen people make comparisons to Kokone. While they are similar, their reservedness are different. Kokone doesn’t tense up or care too much about her solitude as she preferred being alone. Only when she started befriending Yui that her awkwardness started showing. She was still willing to talk to people and doesn’t shy away when conversing. Mayu, on the other hand, is a mess when it comes to talking to people. So yeah, while both are reserved, they’re different.

Yuki is a typical cat, but I do like how her and Mayu’s relationship differs from Iroha and Komugi’s. The Inukais have it to where Iroha is like Komugi’s not-that-much-older sister while the Nekoyashikis feel like Yuki is the much older sister to Mayu. I like seeing a different type of relationship with the main duo. I also really like the interaction between Komugi and Yuki with Yuki behaving like a typical cat; she even did the tail slap, a sign that cats are stressed. My favorite part of the episode was Yuki punching Komugi for getting too close. I can tell these two are gonna be hilarious once Yuki gains the ability to change into a human.

Pretty Holic makes a return in this show as it did in previous iterations. It was a hybrid stationery shop in Hirogaru Sky and a makeup shop in Delicious Party that Kokone is a fan of. In this iteration, it is a makeup shop that Mayu’s family runs. The fact that this is the emptiest Pretty Holic I’ve seen so far is saying something…. I also like how Sumire forbids pets from entering. In the case of dogs, the cosmetic scent could be harmful to them and that they could accidentally swallow small items. This is very smart to inform. I watched an anime called Dog Signal where the main character Miyu tells a client to stop wearing perfume when around her dog as it can ruin their sense of smell. I know that pet owners want to bring their pets everywhere, but in cases like these, one has to think about their pets’ safety. Also, I love how Komugi is spewing confidential information to Yuki about herself while Sumire and the three granny customers are at hearing distance. This is like Yui, Rosemary and Pam-Pam rambling about Kome-Kome and Recipeppi stuff when Takumi is right in front of them in Episode 3 of Delicious Party.

Iroha and Komugi are tasked to search for more GaruGarus. Special Niko Animals, ones with sparkling jewels on them, are called Kirarin Animals and collecting nine of them will restore Niko Garden back to its former glory. However, I do think Iroha and Komugi’s tendency to ignore Mey Mey is a bit of an issue that hopefully will be addressed later on. I get that Komugi has a short attention span because she’s a dog, but Iroha, a human, should take these Niko Garden matters seriously and not drop everything onto Satoru. Speaking of which, Iroha just seems like someone who can’t lie or pay attention. She could’ve easily said that Komugi is her sister or a relative, but she just flubs hard with that and she even gives the impression that she’s a bad dog owner because of this. I know this is a kids’ show and I shouldn’t take this too seriously, but sometimes, the writing can be a bit asinine. I just hope that someone, whether it be a Precure, Mey Mey, or a villain, will call Iroha out on not paying attention to important details.

I like the relationship between Mey Mey and Satoru. A few episodes ago, Mey Mey had a bias towards outsiders, but now Satoru is his favorite child. It’s like night and day now. It’s adorable how clingy he is towards Satoru and the boy is even his emotional support. The fact that Mey Mey has a sheep-shaped smart phone is adorable as heck; he uses it to call Satoru when he’s upset. Cute.

Now, with the scene with the GaruGaru, I did like that it was foreshadowed that the GaruGaru of the day would be a Tanuki as there was a shot to three unhappy Tanuki in the beginning and how Komugi put on eyeshadow around her eyes like one. I was surprised that Friendy knew about Tanuki behavioral patterns… Despite that, the Tanuki GaruGaru is the first small one they encountered as previous ones were large. This means that their sizes vary and that some could even be difficult to purify due to their size and speed. Now the question is…will GaruGarus be just mammals or will there be insects and sea creatures too?

For now, this was a cute episode of fully introducing Mayu and Yuki into the story. When will they start school? When will Yuki and Mayu become Precures? I’m honestly anticipating the next episode. What are your thoughts on this episode?

[ts1989fanatic]

A man has declared Taylor Swift a bad role model. Why? Because she's unmarried and childless

A misogynistic Newsweek piece about Taylor Swift’s unwholesomeness has been doing the rounds on social media. It’s dangerous, offensive and outdated, says Claire Cohen

Is Newsweek ok? The magazine has just published an article explaining why ‘Taylor Swift is not a good role model’, the argument for which boils down to — and this is a direct quote — the fact that “at 34, Swift remains unmarried and childless.” A spinster, if you will.

Excuse me, while I just reset my phone calendar from 2024 to 1954.

The article was written by a man — those famous experts on good female role models — who argues that, having dated “at least a dozen men”, the singer isn’t “wholesome” enough to set an example. Basically, she’s a slut. I haven’t checked yet, but I assume there’s also a free chastity belt with every issue,

“While Swift's musical talent and business acumen are certainly admirable, even laudable, we must ask if her personal life choices are ones we want our sisters and daughters to emulate,” writes John Mac Ghlionn, which astonishingly is not a pseudonym used by Andrew Tate. Phew. Thank goodness someone has finally said it. After all, what sane person would want their daughter or sister to be a strong, wildly successful, independent woman who doesn’t feel any pressure to have married by 34? Who has donated enough money to UK foodbanks to cover their bills for an entire year? Heaven forbid!

As role models go (and being on a pedestal is a tough gig) she's blazing a trail: standing up for LGBTQ+ rights, taking a man who groped her to court and winning, boycotting Apple Music until it agreed to pay royalties to all artists during the platform's trial period, refusing to be controlled by re-recording her own albums when she was refused to chance to buy the rights herself, speaking honestly about her eating disorder, condemning bullying, admitting she's been as insecure about female friendship as the rest of us. If that can't be filed under "wholesome", what can?

“This is not an attack on Swift; it's a valid question that is worth asking,” continues the self-appointed arbiter of women’s behaviour (funny how it’s always men who leap to take on that role). “This cycle of brief, intense relationships can unintentionally glamorise a type of romantic promiscuity where partners can be replaced as easily as toilet paper.”

Which, funnily enough, is exactly how I’d like to use this outdated, offensive piece of so-called journalism.

It positions a woman’s worth in terms of her duty towards men and sends us back to an era in which we were little more than walking wombs

Some have called it desperate. I’d say dangerous. To claim that Swift’s power as a role model is diminished by those mediaeval metrics is pure misogyny. It positions a woman’s worth in terms of her duty towards men and sends us back to an era in which we were little more than walking wombs.

All together now: under his eye.

To claim that Swift’s power as a role model is diminished by those mediaeval metrics is pure misogyny

Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that we’re still living in an era in which men are able to publicly chastise women for not being chained to the kitchen. After all, it was only in May that NFL player Harrison Butker gave his charming speech, to a room filled with female graduates, telling them to embrace being ‘homemakers’ and that being a mother was their most important role. Leave earning money to the man, there’s a good girl.

As a harpy who dared to have several different boyfriends in her 20 and 30s, and was “unmarried and childless” at 34, I’m nonetheless going to go out on a limb and say that domestic bliss isn’t the sole happily-ever-after we should be selling young women. And it is something that women specifically are told they should aspire to. Perhaps I’m wide off the mark, and Newsweek is at this very moment lining up an article on why Harry Styles is a terrible role model to young boys for exactly those reasons. But, somehow, I can’t quite see it.

IS HARRY STYLES ALSO A BAD ROLE MODEL BECAUSE HE’S UNMARRIED AND CHILDLESS?

And no doubt if Swift was married with children, she’d be criticised for leaving her family at home while she selfishly went on tour and accused of emasculating her husband by being the breadwinner.

The whole thing is from the same playbook that belittles Swift’s fans as though they’re in the grip of some Victorian hysteria; irrational and shallow. Liking her music is looked down on by those who consider themselves arbiters of what’s culturally ‘good enough’, in the same way as romantic literature by women is written-off as mere ‘chick lit’. It’s misogyny hiding behind having ‘good taste’, just as the Newsweek article is misogyny masquerading concern for the loss of some old-fashioned moral code.

Look, I’m sure Taylor isn’t exactly weeping over this drivel while counting the billion dollars she’s made from the Eras tour. But she and her fans deserve better than this retrograde rubbish. Because I can’t think of anything more “wholesome” than bringing together thousands of women and girls every night, united in joy, to sing songs about not settling for a life that makes you unhappy.

Taylor Swift not a good role model? She’s a bloody great one.

[cetaitlaverite]

I feel like I need to play devil's advocate and defend Freddie. Daniel's death caused a massive traumatic shock to Freddie, and as she herself said, it broke something inside her. It’s very understandable why she wants to keep everyone she loves close to her; she doesn’t want to miss any moments with them, good or bad. Also, can you imagine what it must feel like to immigrate to a completely different country, a different continent? By ship, it takes days to arrive in New York, and that's if the weather is good. The first commercial flight from London to New York happened in the late 1950s. The main way of communicating was through letters, which took days to arrive. When Freddie felt homesick, she couldn’t just FaceTime her parents; she had to write a letter or maybe call, but it still wouldn’t be enough.

I know she has Rosie, but it's not the same. You can't tell me that when you have a really hard time, you don’t want your parents. When she has children, she would definitely want her mother (please don’t bring up her age; people want their parents close no matter how old they are. Parents give their children a type of comfort that no one else can). She will have Rosie’s family, but it’s still not the same.You can’t speak to your in law family the same way you speak to your, no matter how much you love them.

Is she spoiled and selfish? Yes, she is, especially when she asked Jen to come to New York because Jen has her own life and everyone she loves is in England. So why should she move to New York just because of Freddie? But Freddie asking her parents to move to New York is not completely unreasonable. Daniel died, and Rosie almost died. Those two instances almost shattered Freddie completely. You can’t call her selfish and spoiled when she wants her parents close to her after everything she has been through. Imagine something happens to your family, but when you learn about it, it’s too late to even say goodbye. Does she need a fresh start somewhere far away from all the horrible things she has been through? Yes, she does! But she is not unreasonable in asking her parents to come with her.

i absolutely get what you’re saying and i do agree with you, in the sense that if i didn’t think it made sense i wouldn’t have had freddie ask her parents to come at all!! it’s completely understandable to me that after her trauma she would want to keep her loved ones close - i wouldn’t have written her with separation anxiety if it wasn’t!!

when i say she’s selfish it’s less because she’s asking at all and more because she expects the answer to be yes. she tells rosie that her parents have no reason to stay in england if she’s not there because her british grandparents are dead, which is a very self-centred perspective to take on the matter. her father’s job is there and her parents have been there since since freddie was 14 - that’s 11 years at this point!! - not to mention it’s the city where they met and fell in love. so they absolutely do have reasons to stay in england even if freddie’s not there.

she’s a spoilt character, it’s a product of her upbringing and her experiences. do i think this makes her a bad person? absolutely not!! she has a good heart, and it’s important that she doesn’t truly understand how much she asks of those she loves because if she did she wouldn’t ask. and moving overseas is a huge deal!! it’ll be such a huge upheaval for her!! but that’s why she shouldn’t expect everyone she loves to do it with her. she can ask, but the main thing that makes her spoiled is that she expects it. when her mother first says no her first instinct is to accuse her of not wanting to have freddie around instead of to understand why she might not want to follow her.

i can understand where you’re coming from with this, though!! and it genuinely makes me so happy you wanted to come and defend freddie - she’s my baby and i’m so glad you love her as much as i do!!! but ultimately we can love her and empathise with her and understand why she does the things she does without always having to agree with them. it’s understandable that she wants her family close to her, after everything, but she can’t demand it of them. the same way rosie had to let freddie make the choice for herself whether she wanted to follow him to america, freddie has to let her parents decide, too.

[plasmasnake1001]

Ranting about Magic 

In fantasy settings, I both love and hate magic. Over time I've realized my taste and discovered I both love and hate things in conflicting ways. I’m mainly writing this out to just hear my own thoughts but would love to get other people's ideas and solutions. I’ll probably be writing a follow-up where I talked out my ideas for a magic system. 

While I do enjoy magic as a weird thing we can’t comprehend, I also love it more as a tool. I don’t need to know every detail to use a chainsaw, but I need to understand it enough to get it to chop down a tree. I hate when magic is just generic fantasy magic. I love schools of magic, winds of magic, lores of magic, different magic sources, magic from the same materials, and all types of magic, just don’t copy elder scrolls when writing and designing magic for your settings. 

Warhammer Fantasy / AoS 

I love the Warhammer Fantasy Magic color wheel. The 8 lores of magic allow the user to do all types of things, each wind is its own magic system. A beast mage is wild and uses animal parts while a fire mage uses anything that relates to the 'firey aspect'. I really love it when a spell caster of one lore needs to do something the another might could do easily. It rewards good creativity and expression while also not letting every spell caster cast every spell. 

But, that isn't how magic actually works. In the novels, a spell caster can cast any spell, colour be damned. Some spells (or cantrips) are colour-less and one of my favorite pieces of fluff mentions that whatever you're trying to cast, make it relate to your wind to fit better. On the tabletop, there are close to several hundred lores. Many of them don't really reflect the core 8, some could be seen as combinations or alterations, but many would be harder too. It just feels like the winds are only relevant when the story wants to remind you that Games Workshop has copyright over specific names for their magic. 

Arcanum: of Steamworks and Magick Obscura

One of my favorite settings is Arcanum: of Steamworks and Magick Obscura. I could talk for hours about it, but something I love is that magic affects the world in all types of ways. I love that it explains the rules of how to create fire it alters air pressure which in turn could affect the town steam boiler causing it to explode. In game I love this so much, however, I feel it's too limiting in many ways. I don’t love the ‘magical’ vs ‘technological’ meter. If I’m a diviner, I can see the future, but how does this affect the train? A fire mage may overheat a train and cause problems, it should make guns deal more damage. 

Magitek

Magiteck is basically the exact inverse of Arcanum (even though it uses steam-power like magic), I do like some Magitek systems, I think some can be good but it should never feel like “I have a magic window I can touch buttons on and things happen - please don’t call it a computer cause its not, that word doesn’t exist here.” A lot of them are bad, only a few have done it well. Speaking of both. 

The Cosemere

I've also been a fan of the Cosmere for this past year. I really like how a lot of the magic systems work. Not all of it is perfect, and some of it can be a bit cheesy. But I really like the way the different magic systems interact, how some systems do the same thing but different, or some are just the exact same abilities. I love how many abilities are ‘you can do this one thing’ and seeing how the wielder comes up with more and more interesting ways to use magic. I also love some of the ‘science’ of it. Some forces work together, others apart. 

This is also a personal one that I go back and forth on, but not a fan of magic that is just “learn the magic word, and do the spell, it's like computer scripting” especially if there aren’t limits on the words themselves. 

I don’t want to spend a lot of time, but I could write a lot about what I dislike about the Cosemeres magic systems. This isn’t a ‘magic shouldn’t have rules’ rant but as someone who has read every book and enjoyed them dearly and is basically “if I wrote this magic, I would do X different for Y reasons.” 

DnD Barbarians 

This is just a weird personal one, but when I’m building a character. I always try to make one that can use that setting's magic. So I would never pick a barbarian or a fighter. I’ve seen some settings that do some cool stuff by giving them weird magic systems or abilities and that is something I would like to see more of. 

In concussion 

I don’t really know. This is longer than I wanted it to be. I really wrote this cause I just feel my Tumblr needs something and I have a writing degree I only use to grade papers and write emails, but I’ll probably be writing a follow-up later this week breaking down magic for a setting I am always working in. I’m sure if you read that you’ll find contradictions, inaccuracies, or things that seem to be copied directly from the examples above and maybe others I’m missing.

[coolcarabiner]

i was going to write this in the tags but then it got so extremely long i hit the tag limit so. i’m sorry in advance, op. but this type of misunderstanding on even an institutional level of catholicism is why i personally was So against the faith (ANY faith) for a long time, even though my family wasn’t exceptionally catholic when i was growing up. that, and the fact that (particularly in western countries and countries influenced heavily by imperial powers) many believers subvert the faith to fit the narrative of their political agenda without understanding the scripture they claim to love in the actual context it was created in. this idea that you shouldn’t question the church and it’s blasphemous to do so is indicative of weak power structures that fear dissent, but to me, that always seems to have more to do with man than it ever has with god. many, many people experience this though! and i myself am a young leftist lesbian so i know just how unwelcoming catholics have been/can be to people like me. with that being said, no faith is a monolith and catholicism is a prime example of this. it’s SO vast that people from different cultures, states, countries, cultures, etc. might do things differently. there are churches local to me that are staunchly pro life. there are others that welcome gay people and preach that the love of god is inclusive of all, regardless of identity, personal faith, or their supposed sins. repenting is supposed to be about doing things like speaking poorly of your neighbor, coveting what someone else has, or acting otherwise unkind, and less about like. premarital sex. there is just a breadth of ideas encapsulated under the heading of catholicism! but i digress.

i’m a religious studies undergrad and a lovingly critical catholic so beyond all of the above, here’s my understanding of why jesus died in hopefully brief, accessible form.

so in the first books of the bible (genesis and exodus) we have the garden of eden, cain and abel, people just generally letting god down and sinning it up. they’re ignoring his rules they’re making false idols they’re fuckin’ nonstop. god is eventually like ok. enough. and spares moses, his sons, and their families + all the animals on the ark but wipes everything out with the flood right. earth eventually repopulates and it’s sorta the same sin situation again, but now pharaoh has also enslaved the israelite people and is treating them horribly. moses is talking to god, god tells him to send all the plagues to pharaoh but “hardens/makes heavy his heart” in an honestly confusing back and forth that is interpreted differently by different faiths/traditions/scholars.

eventually, god tells moses to tell pharaoh he’s going to kill all the firstborn egyptians and their livestock to get pharaoh to release the israelites on their own terms and gives moses the instructons for passover. adherence to these rules saves the israelite firstborns and pharaoh is devastated when his son dies because he didn’t listen to moses, leading him to finally cast out the israelites on their own terms so they can worship and sacrifice to their god. the israelites leave egypt and as part of passover, they’re supposed to maintain these rituals monthly that include things like choosing the best lamb to offer as a ritual sacrifice, not breaking its bones, not taking it out of the home, and eating all of the meat on the night of passover.

biblical study is complex and that’s an oversimplification, but i think that captures the essence of what’s going on there. there’s also SO many books (nearly 40) between these two and the gospels, which talk about jesus. the main ideas in the canonical gospels (matthew, mark, luke, john) are that he’s the messiah sent to earth by god to show people the error of their ways and to serve as a physical manifestation of god’s abilities—god was sort of putting his money where his mouth is to “prove” his power and win followers in the most basic sense. and much like egypt in the tanakh/OT, rome did NOT like what he was doing because it went against their authority and the established faiths of the time and region.

i want to also mention that there’s verbiage about like. child jesus w a full beard wowing older jewish scholars with his vast knowledge in the gospels so i think it’s crucial to consider that the author(s) of the bible had agendas in forming their writings and often these texts were/are compiled by a multitude of individuals with different understandings/translations/political positions. the ultimate function of the text should, in my opinion, be to tell stories that have been pieced together from different languages and cultures to try and create a cohesive narrative about what life might have been like, why things might have happened how they did, and what people might have valued thousands of years ago. plenty of people don’t know that the bible wasn’t written in chronological order, including me before i started my program and i took CCD classes back in the day there’s just a lack of thorough education about What We Are Actually Talking About when we talk about the bible, but that’s an entirely different tirade about literalism and biblical interpretation.

the point and the answer to the initial question is really this: god doesn’t intercede in jesus’ crucifixion because it was planned to happen and it was done as an act of atonement for the sins of mankind. in less apocalyptic religions that don’t see jesus as a harbinger of the end times, the existence, sacrifice, and subsequent resurrection of jesus is what is supposed to keep god from wiping us out with another flood or the like. he died for our sins as the sort of ultimate sacrificial lamb, so we don’t continue engaging in, just for example, passover rituals that are maintained by religions that don’t see jesus as the messiah.

people using the “jesus died for your sins” line to treat you as if you’re a gross, irredeemable cretin are assholes flying in the face of the whole “not taking the lord’s name in vain” commandment. his death was meant to be symbolic like that of the ritually slaughtered lamb and the act of dying is one that was supposed to make statements—both political and theological—about sacrifice, sin, and the function of the faith relationship between humans and god not as one of inherent contention, but one that’s incredibly complex in a true reflection of the order of the universe.

Thinking about how it was never made clear to me in Catholic school exactly WHY Jesus died for our sins. I just remembered that I was literally never clear on who the dying helped??

I've heard theories as an adult, but basically what I'm saying is pointless martyrdom seems a little pointless, and also with enough propaganda the big logical gaps in a belief system get really hard to see. Especially if questioning anything is blasphemy.

I would have gotten in so much trouble for insisting the teacher explain how Jesus helped us by being tortured to death by Romans even when God could have prevented it! God sent his only Son, they would have said! Be grateful, they'd say! Be guilty! Stop asking why he did that!!!

[ayeforscotland]

Hey, I just saw a post where you were talking about highlander novels and saw in the notes Scottish authors talking about how people (who read those highlander books) telling them (the actual Scottish authors) that they need to "work on their accents" when they write outlander type books. As an aspiring writer in America (who doesn't read the "Highlander Romance" type books, and I only mention that to say I don't know how the accents are written in the american-written fetishized books compared to books written by actual people from Scotland) I was wondering if you had any opinions or advice for writing Scottish characters in regards to their accents? I ask because I've seen others give advice that you shouldn't write out accents because it "others" other cultures, but I've also seen others say that writing the accent is okay as long as it's done right (and in some cases might actually be insulting not to write the accent, because it implies "good" english is the only valid way?) and I'm unsure which is correct. Sorry for the long ask, I just didn't want to risk writing my Scottish characters in an unintentionally insulting way by following possible bad advice, if that makes sense. (Not sure if it matters or not, but the book isn't going to be a romance lol)

Hey, cheers for the question, it’s an interesting one but I think there’s a few issues needing addressed.

It really depends what you’re looking to do with a Scottish character. I speak English with a Scottish accent. I speak Scots Standard English with a Scottish accent. I speak Scots with a Scottish accent.

The accent never changes. And I think what a lot of non-Scottish authors do when writing dialogue is write what they think a Scottish accent sounds like phonetically.

AND I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH - that you shouldn’t do this. Good authors avoid doing this with any of their characters.

For an extreme example, imagine you used the racist stereotype of an Asian character who struggled to pronounce the letter ‘L’ so you replaced all instances of it with ‘R’ in all of their dialogue. That’s insane, right? No one should ever do that.

Again that’s a super extreme example, but there’s a reason it’s not all that common to see dialogue written phonetically. Some authors may get away with doing it for regional English dialects but it’s different when it comes to a separate language.

For using actual Scots language, it’ll all come down to how good your research is and if you want people from Scotland to beta-read anything.

Good things to avoid - don’t go full “Tumblr during Scottish Pokemon Trainer”

[rebornologist]

Hi there, I stumbled upon your blog n absolutely adore your writing✨

I wanted to ask if you could write some headcanons about gokudera with a shy but physically affectionate s/o?

Either way I hope you are having a great day n are taking care of urself ✨

♡ Gokudera w/ a Shy S/O ✧

warnings: established relationship, physical affection as a love language!! lil kisses and cuddles

༚✧⁺˳₊˚‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · ˳ · ♡ · ˳ · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿˚₊˳⁺✧༚

He’s the definition of “excuse me, they asked for NO PICKLES,” as he is literally shaking the poor customer service worker by their uniform collar with murder in his eyes, but he starts to tone it down when he realizes that they are not completely comfortable with him having outbursts like that since it attracts way too much attention

Y’all already know it took forever for him to catch on and actually wrap his head around being more lowkey. Despite being the brooding loner type, he can be so frickin’ loud and obnoxious without even realizing it! Both you and Tsuna had to sit him down separately and together to explain a plan of action for dialing down his highly emotional responses for literally everyone’s sake

Gokudera is interesting because he’s very obviously shameless about it when he absolutely loves someone, but is a little embarrassed about saying it directly to you with his whole chest because he cares very deeply about your validation (though he shouldn’t!! He’s worth everything in the world but he definitely doesn’t fully know it) and is like.. But what if I fuck it up?? and that makes him stutter and go completely silent and just turn red and shy away from your gaze because damn he cares so deeply for you!!

That is where his s/o’s love language being physical affection comes in strong; He’s learned over the course of your relationship that he’s easily his s/o’s favourite person to be physically affectionate with, if not one of the few people that they are actually comfortable being close to! He loves always being able to sling an arm around their shoulder or walk with them hand in hand. They do tend to avoid eye contact with strangers and especially if they’re feeling shy with the pda, but don't you worry!

Gokudera will gladly throw down with anything or anyone, anywhere and anytime for you, so he often protectively walks in front of you and puts himself between you and anyone else. On the good side of things, it’s nice to know that you won’t be interacting with strangers, but he can be prone to speaking for you sometimes when meeting other friends, which is a habit you’re slowly coaxing him away from. That often comes in the form of squeezing his hand or arm to get his attention and signal that you’re in the mood to speak for yourself, this time.

Speaking of hand holding, you find the most peace in feeling the calloused pads of his fingers smooth over the back of your hand, and the coolness of his rings that he often lets you fiddle with as a way to calm your nerves. He finds it so cute that he averts his gaze and tries to still the hammering of his heart (it never works, you will look up at him with your doe eyes and your lips will just slightly flatten into a smile, You 1 Gokudera 0 lolol). He often gets his reassurance from you in the form of little squeezes to his bicep or innocently rubbing up and down his thigh if y'all are sitting next to each other.

In your alone time, you are a different beast, and he doesn't stand a chance. While you may get slightly flustered by him picking you up and squeezing you tight when y'all first meet for the day, once you settle down in his room for some study time, he's all yours. You type away at your laptop with your legs up on his lap, and he scribbles away in his notebook while fiddling with the anklet he gifted you for an anniversary. When you aren't feeling particularly chatty but feel like giving him some lovin, you'll turn to face him or quietly plop yourself on his lap.

His eyes go wide, and he leans back to look you in the eyes. "Wh..what's up?" He'd ask, almost hesitantly. You greet him with a sleepy smile, unconsciously batting your eyelashes as you blink. The noise that leaves you is indescribable as you throw your arms around his neck and bury your nose in his hair. His reaction is nothing if not adorable, a small exclamation of surprise as his face flushes red, before he gently holds your face in his hands and presses a soft kiss to your lips. That grants you permission to squeal happily and pepper his face with smooches, humming and running your hands through his hair and over his shoulders, your little darling. His whole ass soul is yours, bro <3

twas a little longer than just headcanons, but you know this is a common occurrence for a guy who is bad with expressing himself and a partner that would rather use touch to show their love hehe xx

[buttermynutter]

Signed, Viktor | 11/18

Transcript:

Resident impromptu marine biologist,

The flowers are thriving, you can see them from even the sidewalk below your balcony! I didn’t doubt you could grow them from just cuttings, but I’m still a bit relieved because, to be honest, I picked the types solely on their names. Fuchsia is simply too interesting of a word for me to dismiss.

Speaking of thriving, I’m sure the “mermaid” is doing just as well. Perhaps you shouldn’t have convinced that child the manatee was really a lost species, but I suppose that’s what he deserves for pounding on the glass so much - he should prototype inventions of the Talis family.

As you know, I lived near a river in the Undercity, but our visit was the first time I had seen anything larger than a minnow or crawfish. It was simply magical, though we probably shouldn’t have gotten candy floss before the whale show - after the splash, it seemed more like a disappearing act. I wasn’t aware creatures could grow that large! Rio was already a spectacle to me, though it was most likely because of how small I was at the time.

I’m sorry for cutting this reflection short - I realize our visit was already a week ago anyway, yet that doesn’t stop it from rebounding around my head like you did from glass pane to glass pane. I understand you were excited, but that won’t stop me from reminding you that you identified staff members inside the tanks cleaning as different species of fish twice.

Instead, I wanted to speak of last night, hopefully while seeming as much as like I am directly talking to you as I can. Ironic when I could quite literally do so by simply knocking on the door to your quarters, I know, but I thought it would be the most fitting in a letter - at least, the most sentimental. (Not to mention that I am tremendously anxious, but I’d rather not think of it at the moment.)

Speaking of sentimental, did you know that the café - the one we had our first meeting off school grounds at - has closed down? I could hardly believe it when I saw it this morning since I wanted to surprise you with a drink, but I've heard they're merely moving, so it should still be nearby.

Also, do you happen to remember the sachet of herbs you gave me? I know you told me it was only an old wive's tale that it helps with allergies, but I genuinely feel that my sinuses are clearer. If only all ailments could be cured so easily.

Wait, I'm getting off track - I can't believe I've had not one but two tangents in writing. I promise these notes aren’t usually this nerve-wracking, but this letter carries considerable weight; so much so that I am delivering it myself (again, a bit redundant, but I like to think it adds to the charm).

If there is one thing I may ask of you, it would be to please not think of me any differently.

Because of last night, an internal cauldron that I have been carrying for quite a while has finally boiled over. It had been brewing ever since you shook my hand across the library table, but the last evening simply pushed it over the edge. Everything about it seemed tailored to pull me to that realization; from our journey in continuing to find out which key belonged where to chasing those discoveries to the water wheel outside.

We didn't trade many words sitting on that ledge, but I'd never felt closer to somebody. I know I've told you I’m not one for physical affection, even avoiding an embrace or two from you, but I regret it immensely. Goodness, I think that plant from so long ago had held you longer than I ever have.

However, I have reason to believed that has all changed. Because of you, I've found out why people hug, why friends link arms, why a single pat on the hand can be important, why a brush on the shoulder can linger for hours. Yesterday, and so many days before, I felt, well... received, I suppose. I couldn't play with the Zaun children, I couldn't travel with the academy students, but I don't have to with you - because there's nothing else I want to see.

I felt like with my arms around you, I never had to leave that spot, never had to pick up my cane again, like I could merely drink in your happiness and live forever.

Above all, you've stirred the heated coals of my lost faith in myself and my scientific proficiency into a renewed smolder; that aspect heated the cauldron before I even saw your face. A little drop of dreams can only go so far, but you've turned both yours and mine into a river.

And I don't plan on building a dam anytime soon. Like we have all these months, I still want to dodge flashlights in the dark with you, to formulate increasingly outrageous excuses when they inevitably land on us, to ensure that you get more from this academy than an assistant job and a metal brace. To put it simply, I'm sure you've heard of the term "Cupid's arrow". In my case, he must've used a rifle - and he's a terribly good shot.

Perhaps this is all a bit forward. I hope you are not uncomfortable or feel obliged to be mutual in this, anything but that. I just felt it was only right to tell you. After all, are we not for progress?

By botanical (though maybe not scientific) terms, the tree of my life had become barren, and I could barely remember when my potential was a promise instead of a regret. When you came to sit under its branches they not only bore fruit, but also more types than I could ever imagine. I’m not certain of much in this world, but I know indefinitely that you are beautiful and that I want us to pick every fruit on that tree until the only thing left for us is to touch the stars.

I don't know, I may be overcomplicating this. In the end, I only have to use a few words to describe how I feel.

I love you.

♥ Viktor

━━━━━━━

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[communistkenobi]

I’ve gotten a lot of deeply silly responses to this post over the last week or so. When I originally wrote it I was nervous about the response - either because I had framed something in a deeply stupid way, missed something obvious, or was approaching the issue in a way that wasn’t super productive or, worse, was hampering other critical discussions about fandom in general. I was also worried that the kinds of reactionary responses I would get would be long-winded, deeply pedantic essays that didn’t say anything valuable but would be impossible to respond to, because they were just bricks of text of people being personally offended.

Fortunately that worry was completely unfounded, because all the whiny responses have amounted to “stop being so mean to me 😠” including someone accusing me of contributing to fascist book-burnings lol. Overall the response has been very positive, with people extending the argument to a lot of different contexts I hadn’t thought of when writing up that post (multiple people brought of Disco Elysium, for example, a scenario where the new owners of the game actively contribute to that ship-centric lens from fans, causing a feedback loop for this exact type of behaviour).

An extremely common complaint I get on this post is that I’m arguing that a character-centric lens is somehow inferior, less fulfilling, less intellectually rich. Which I think, again, is a result of people being unwilling to engage with the simple fact that fandom is overwhelmingly character-centric. It’s not lesser, but it is normative, it is the default, and if you want to gain a lot of attention and followers in fandom, that is the lens you pursue (speaking, again, from over a decade of experience). And because it’s the normative lens, it carries a lot of other normative conventions with it, namely that you approach fiction as a world populated by individuals first and systems, structures, and themes second. And individualistic approaches to fiction, aside from sometimes being inappropriate or deeply limiting, encourages you to come to particular conclusions about fiction that you would not necessarily come to if you were not viewing it through the eyes of individual fictional characters. So no, I’m not arguing that, I’m just saying that character-centric fiction is not the only form of art possible, and to argue otherwise is to argue for an extremely narrow view of art.

The other most common response is that I’m being pretentious, or asking people to engage with fandom as an academic pursuit. Which I’m not! I’m just taking the claim that fandom is a space worth considering and talking about seriously. You are constantly bombarded with idealistic claims about fandom being this transformative, subversive, democratic, and inclusive artistic space where marginalised people can inject their voice into texts that otherwise exclude them. If light criticism is taken this harshly, then that claim isn’t a very durable one, and given how deeply averse people are to talking about racism in fandom spaces in particular, I find that claim laughable. If fandom is a serious artistic space, then it is made serious only by being able to respond to critical evaluations of its norms and conventions and working towards improving these spaces. And if you think it’s not a serious space, if this is all meaningless goofing off, then you shouldn’t be engaging with these conversations in the first place!

Anyway overall I’m glad people have received this well. I’ve gotten some good critical feedback, but anyone who has outright rejected the arguments of this post have only articulated that rejection by calling me pretentious, saying I’m attacking their free speech, calling me a fascist, or acting like I personally want them dead for shipping characters together, so I don’t need to take their complaints seriously. Which is great news! Makes my life easier lol

I’ve been thinking a lot about fandom recently, both as someone who has engaged with it regularly for over a decade on various platforms and also as someone who has increasingly become disenchanted with those spaces. Not only because of pervasive issues of (especially anti-Black) racism, misogyny, transphobia/homophobia, and the like, but the particular way those things take shape within fandom.

At the most basic level I think fandom has a fundamental methodological problem with the way it approaches texts, be they shows, books, movies, etc. What I mean is that people almost invariably approach fandom at the level of character, often at the level of ship - your primary way of viewing a text is filtered through favourite characters and favourite relationships, as opposed to, say, favourite scenes, favourite themes, favourite conflicts.

This is reinforced through the architecture of dominant platforms that host fan content, particularly AO3 - there are separate categories for fandom, character and ship, and everything else is lumped together in “Additional Tags.” You cannot, for example, filter for fics on AO3 by the category of “critical perspective” or “thematic exploration”. There is no dedicated space for fan authors to declare their analytical perspective on the text they are writing about. If an author declares these things, they do so individually, they must go out of their way to do so, because there are no dedicated or universally agreed-upon tags to indicate those things, and if your fanfiction has a lot of tags, that announcement of criticality gets mushed together in a sea of other tags, sharing the same space with tags like “fluff and angst” or “porn without plot.” Perhaps one of the few tags closest to approaching this is the tag “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat,” which doesn’t indicate perspective or theme but rather that there is, broadly, some kind of “problematic content” contained therein - often of a sexual nature, frequently as a warning about “bad” ships.

Now this is not an inherent problem, as in, it is not inherently incorrect to approach a text and primarily derive pleasure from it by focusing on a given character or relationship. And I think a lot of mainstream media encourages (even requires) audiences to engage with their stories at these character- and ship-levels. The political economy of the production of art (one which is capitalistic, one that seeks to generate comfort, titillation, controversy, nostalgia, or shock for the purposes of drawing in viewership, one that increasingly pursues social media metrics of “engagement” and “impressions”, one that allows for the Netflix model of making two-season shows before cancelling them, as well as a whole host of other things) enforces a particular narrative orthodoxy, one that heavily focuses on the individual interiority of specific characters, one that is deeply concerned with the maintenance of white bourgeois middle class values of property ownership, the nuclear family, normative heterosexual sexuality and gender, settler-colonial ideas about community and environment, etc. If you do not care about the familial drama surrounding Shauna cheating on her husband in Yellowjackets, for example, because you think the institution of monogamous marriage and the nuclear family is stupid and violent and heternormative, then you will have a difficult time engaging with the show in general. We exist within a deeply normative (and frequently reactionary) media environment that encourages us to approach art in a particular way, one that privileges the individual over other narrative components (settings, themes, conflicts, ideas, political and moral perspectives, structure, tone, etc).

All of which culminates in priming fans to engage with art at these levels and these levels alone, even when that scope is deeply inappropriate. A standout example I recently encountered was browsing the fandom tags on tumblr for the movie Prey - a movie that recontextualises the original Predator film by setting it in colonial America to make the argument that the horrific violence of white colonists and imperial soldiers is identical to the violence we see the Predator do to human beings. It is a movie that makes the argument that, despite this alien monster running around killing people, the villains of the franchise are these occupying soldiers and settlers, an alien force who themselves have just as little regard for (indigenous) human life.

And when browsing the tags on tumblr, what I found was dozens upon dozens of horny posts about how hot the predator monster was. Certainly there were discussion of the film’s narrative, and these posts got a good amount of notes, but the tags were heavily dominated with a focus on the Predator itself. People were engaging with this film not as a solid action movie with interesting and compelling anti-colonial themes, but as a way to be horny about a creature that is, ironically, a stand-in for white settler indifference to (and perpetuation of) indigenous suffering. And if this is your takeaway from an extremely straightforward film with a very clear message, this is not merely a failure to comprehend the content of a text, this is something beyond it - a problem that I think is due in part to the methodological problem of approaching all texts as vessels for bourgeois interiority, individual but ultimately interchangeable expressions of sexuality, perhaps best-expressed by the term “roving slash fandom,” a phenomenon wherein fans will move from one fandom to the next in search of two (usually white, usually skinny) guys to draw and write porn of, uncaring of any of the surrounding context of the stories they are embedded in, and consequently dominating a large sector of fandom discussion.

This even gets expressed in the primary ideological battleground of fandom itself, the ridiculous partitioning of all fan conflict into “pro-“ and “anti-“ shipping compartments. Your stance on engagement with fandom itself historically was (and still is) always first filtered through one of these two labels, describing your fundamental perspective on all texts you engage with. And both of these two labels are only concerned with shipping, as if all disagreements about art can only be interpreted through the lens of what characters you think are acceptable to draw or write having sex. Nowhere in this binary is space to describe any other perspective you might take, what approaches you think are valuable when interacting with art, what themes or stories you think are worth exploring. It’s not just that the pro/anti divide is juvenile and overly-simplistic, it is a declaration that all fan conflict must be read through the lens of shipping and shipping only - the implication being that any objections raised, and criticisms offered, is ultimately just bitching about ships you don’t like.

Which, again, I think is a fundamental error of methodology. It leaves no space for people to discuss the political and moral content of a work, the themes of a piece of art, the thorny issues of representation not just as expressed through individual characters but entire worlds, narratives, settings, and themes. You are always hopelessly stuck in the quagmire of “shipping discourse,” and even rejecting that framework will inevitably get you labelled as either pro- or anti-ship anyway - and you will almost invariably be labelled an “anti” if you express any kind of distaste for the bigoted behaviour of fans or the content of the text itself, again reinforcing the idea that this is all just pointless whining online about icky ships you personally hate.

And this issue is best perhaps epitomised by reader insert fanfiction, circumventing any need for you to project onto a character by literally inserting yourself into fiction, primarily in order to write/read about a character you want to fuck. This then intersects in particularly disgusting ways with real world politics, such as reader insert fics about Pedro Pascal going with you to BLM protests. Even if this is (incredibly over-generously) interpreted as a very poor attempt at being “progressive,” it still demonstrates that many (white) fans are often incapable of thinking about anything outside of a character-centric perspective, quite literally centring themselves in the process, and consequently they think it’s totally appropriate to do things like that. The fact that this is also frequently a racist lens is not coincidental, because again, a chronic focus on (fictional) individuality prohibits any structural perspective from entering the discussion, which necessarily excludes a coherent or useful perspective on systemic issues, where people come to the conclusion that the topic of police brutality is little more than a fun stage to enact whatever romantic shenanigans you want to get up to with a hot guy.

I will stress, again, that it is not a moral sin to have a favourite character, nor is it bad to enjoy reading about two guys having sex in fanfiction. I enjoy and do those things, I engage with fandom often through a character-centric lens (see my url) - because it’s fun! But I think that this being the dominant mode of engagement inherently excludes and marginalises all other approaches, and creates a fandom space where the most valuable way to talk about media is to discuss which two characters you most enjoy imagining fucking each other

[jamesbuchananxsteviegrant]

I Pick the TV Show, Rogers Shuts His Cake-Hole | Bucky x Steve x Reader (Angst, Fluff)

Category: Angst, Fluff (Suggested) Age: 14+ Trigger Warnings: none, other than the standard explicit language Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Steve Snaps At Reader When He’s Stressed, Resulting In Her Being Very Upset Request: "can u write where steve/bucky is overwhelmed with something and when reader asks to help or is telling them to relax they snap at reader and reader is hurt which makes them feel really bad afterwards. thank you sm. i love ur writings. and this is anon right? is it alright if u dont post my response if its not anon? im sorry. thank you so much. ur blog always pictures great stucky imagines. 💗💗💗" Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 2,488

---

A given, the super-soldier had been on nonstop missions for the last month or so, but she thought she was helping him feel better, not making him feel worse.

“Would you like anything to eat, Stevie? You’ve barely moved all day.” (Y/N)’s voice is small. Quiet.

She’s leaning through the door of his study where he’s sat putting together his mission reports from the last three or four missions he’s been out on.

He shakes his head but doesn’t even turn to look at her.

Sighing, the woman walks further into the room where her boyfriend is slouched over the desk.

“You gotta take a break, Stevie.” She whispers, resting her hands on his shoulders.

She notices the way they tense up, but he still remains silent.

His fingers continue to write up his report on the laptop.

“I’m worried about you, Stevie; talk to me.”

“I’m busy, (Y/N).”

“I know you are, baby, but you’ve gotta look after yourself too.” She attempts, leaning down to press a kiss to his cheek. He pulls away.

The woman furrows her brows.

“Steve, please, you’ve got to-”

“(Y/N), just stop!”

The shout is sudden and it makes her flinch back away from the man as he turns to face her.

“I’m fine, alright?! I don’t need you babying me all the time!”

She doesn’t respond for a second, surprised at her lover’s outburst.

He says nothing more, simply turns back to the laptop and continues typing away.

“Steve, look how stressed you are. Can you please just-”

“STOP! Okay?! Just stop! Leave me the fuck alone while I finish these neverending mission reports. For once in your life can you just understand that not everything is about you?!”

(Y/N) swears that being shot in the heart wouldn’t hurt half as much as the words that just came out of the man’s mouth.

Her mouth opens and closes as if searching for the right words to say, but that hurt.

Is she really that bad? Is that the truth behind all of this? That she’s clingy? Thinks everything is about her? That was never her intention. (Y/N) is well aware of how important being an Avenger is. Hell, she is an Avenger, for Christ’s sakes.

She says nothing more and leaves the room.

She can’t even decide if she feels sad. No. She’s not sad, she’s not angry, she’s not… anything.

Numb.

Naturally, her feet lead her to their room. Steve’s room. They all basically share the super soldier’s abode since they all got together, but right now she doesn’t dare open the door.

Doing a full one-eighty spin, (Y/N) takes herself back to a place she barely touches anymore. Her room.

It’s pretty empty. Most of her clothes are in Steve’s room, in her own walk-in wardrobe. Her bed is perfectly made from the last time she slept in here - maybe a year ago?

The woman walks around her bed and straight onto her bedroom balcony, overlooking the lake at the back of the compound, and stays there. For three-hours. Until Bucky comes looking for her.

He came home from his mission about thirty-minutes ago only to find their shared room of Steve’s empty. He searched just about everywhere, completely clueless.

“FRIDAY, where’s (Y/N) and Steve?” He finally gives in.

“Captain Rogers is in study five, and Agent (L/N) is in her private quarters.”

Now that makes the brunet furrow his brows.

Why would (Y/N) be in her room and not his or Steve’s?

He prioritises finding (Y/N) first, knowing Steve will be writing up mission reports, no doubt.

Despite them being together for over six-years now, he hesitates when reaching for the handle of her bedroom door. Instead, the man opts to knock.

No answer.

“(Y/N)?” Nothing. “Doll, it’s me; can I come in?” Nothing.

Bucky tries the door handle and finds it unlocked, yet still hesitates.

“Baby?” He calls out. Again, nothing.

He’s cautious now. Scared.

Her room looks as untouched as the last time he saw it, which was a few months back when she was after one of her plushies.

“(Y/N)?”

It’s when he feels the chill of the midnight winds ruffle his hair that he realises her balcony doors aren’t fully closed.

Striding straight over, his eyes widen at the sight of his girlfriend curled up in the corner of the outdoor area, crying.

“(Y/N), baby, hey, what’s wrong?!”

Bucky immediately drops to his knees in front of the woman, reaching for her hands and gently tugging them away from her tear-stained face.

“(Y/N), doll, look at me.” His voice is gentle. Soothing.

She does almost instantly but her sadness stays.

“What happened, baby? Are you hurt?”

The fear and sincerity in his voice is enough to prompt the woman to shake her head. Yes, she’s hurting emotionally, but he needs confirmation that she’s not dying.

The woman immediately sees the relief take over his features, but he’s still concerned.

“What’s wrong, doll?”

Her eyes stray away from his, not wanting to tell him what’s got her so upset.

“Hey, no, look at me, baby,” He whispers, hand lightly grasping at her chin to raise her face back up to his. “What’s got you so worked up, (Y/N)?”

Another shake of her head as she tries to escape her lover’s hold.

“Baby, please, you’re scaring me.”

Her face contorts into something close to heartbreak as she wants nothing more than to reassure the man in front of her.

“It’s okay, Buck.”

“It’s not okay! Doll, I haven’t seen you cry since Stevie nearly died on that mission in Ohio like two-years-ago! Talk to me.”

She takes a deep breath and wipes her face of the shedding tears.

“Do you want me to get Stevie?”

The question is innocent and makes sense, but her eyes widen and she shakes her head desperately.

“No! No, please, no.”

That truly makes the super soldier concerned.

“Doll, please can you tell me what’s happened?”

Never in the last eight-years that Bucky and (Y/N) have known each other has she been so reluctant to see Steve.

Another sob escapes her and it’s breaking his heart.

“Baby, please.”

“Steve got mad at me, alright?!” She manages an attempted shout. “I just wanted him to look after himself.”

“What happened? What did Steve do?”

He’s concerned. Massively.

“I was trying to get him to eat; he hasn’t eaten properly in so long. He’s so overworked and he’s hung up on all these mission reports. He told me that not everything was about me - shouted at me; told me to stop.” She’s whimpering and sniffling again now. “Please get him to eat something, James.”

That last sentence is the one that crushes him. She’s upset, yeah, but above all that, she’s still worried about the blond super soldier.

“Come on, baby, let’s go to our room and get into bed, yeah? I’ll go and speak to Stevie.”

Her eyes meet his and she looks scared, but the ocean blue gaze that he returns makes her bound to his every command.

The woman nods.

“Okay.”

“That’s my girl.”

With the help of the Winter Soldier, (Y/N) manages to stand up, letting him lead her out of her private room and into their shared one of Steve’s.

“Here, let’s get you into your PJs, yeah?”

He doesn’t leave room for negotiation as he helps his girlfriend strip out of her casual dress and into one of his oversized t-shirts.

“You get snuggled up in bed, doll. I’m going to go and get Stevie, okay?”

He hates how she looks nervous at the mention of their other lover’s name.

“He loves you more than words can describe, baby girl, I promise you. He shouldn’t have lashed out at you, I’m gonna talk to him, okay?”

A hesitant nod and forced smile is enough for now.

“I’ll be back shortly, I promise.” He leans over and gives the woman a kiss on the lips, leaving her with one of her favourite shows playing on the TV.

“Bucky,” Her choked up voice calls out just before he leaves.

The man turns from his place in the doorway.

“I love you.”

The smile that takes over his expression is contagious.

“I love you too, baby girl. More than anything.”

Despite his reassurance to the woman, he’s pretty damn pissed for a number of reasons about Steve losing his cool with their girl. Reason number one being, how dare he? Reason number two being, he knows better than to overwork, yet here we are.

Bucky doesn’t even knock once he approaches the glass doors of the study where Steve is sat typing away on the laptop.

The blond doesn’t even glance up to see who entered. He barely heard the door open which enrages Bucky further.

The brunet slams the lid of the laptop shut without saying a word, prompting Steve’s head to shoot up, glaring daggers at whoever has interrupted him.

“What the fuck, James?!”

That makes Bucky really get annoyed.

“Are you serious right now, Rogers?”

“I’m in the middle of about seven different mission reports, Buck, I’ve gotta finish them.” The man sighs, going to open the lid of the PC once more, only for Bucky to hold it down. “James, seriously,”

“No. What you need to do is explain to me why our girlfriend has been crying for the last God-knows how many hours?”

That makes Steve snap back to reality.

“What? (Y/N) has been crying? Is she okay?”

Bucky literally rolls his eyes at that.

“Are you fucking serious, Steve?” He repeats, Steve looking confused, expression contorting as he realises that his boyfriend is seriously angry at him.

“Bucky, what’s wrong? What’s happened?”

The Winter Soldier’s head lolls back as he groans in frustration.

“You seriously have no idea?” He asks, rhetorically, watching Steve look almost scared. “Do you often shout at your girlfriend and forget it happened?”

Cap’s eyes widen at that, and he visibly gulps.

“What?”

“She came in here to make sure you were looking after yourself, which you weren’t, by the way, and you tell her that not everything is about her?! Are you fucking stupid, Steve?!”

He remembers it all too well in that moment, turning his head down to avoid the frustrated glare of his male lover.

“No. No, you don’t get to look away from me. Look at me.” Bucky demands, watching the blond super soldier reluctantly do so. “I come home from my own exhausting mission, search for (Y/N) for thirty-minutes, and find her crying her God-damn heart out on the balcony of HER room; not our room, Steve, no. Her room.”

Steve’s heart shatters and his eyes widen once more.

(Y/N) hates staying in her room. She’d always be in his or Bucky’s without a doubt.

“I- Buck-”

Bucky shakes his head and stands back upright as Steve is lost for words.

“I’m not mad at you, Steve. I get it, you know? You’ve been overworking for the last month, I know you’re stressed, but fuck, baby, you can’t hurt her like that. Do you know how much my heart fucking shattered when I saw her curled up in the corner of her own God-damn balcony?! It tore me apart. She hasn’t cried since you nearly fuckin-” Bucky chokes on his own word as he walks away from his lover.

“I’m sorry! Buck, I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have let Fury send me on that many missions, I- I should’ve said no. I’m sorry.” Steve attempts, standing up and following the brunet, turning him around to face him once more.

“It’s not me you need to be apologising to, Stevie.”

Captain America nods and leans up to press a kiss to the man’s lips.

“I’m sorry, James.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and forces a smile.

“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you, I know you didn’t mean it, but I swear to God, if you hurt her again…”

Steve is already shaking his head.

“I wouldn’t dream of either of you getting hurt. Where is she?”

“Our room.”

He nods and begins heading toward the woman to which he owes more than he can give.

The door is half ajar when Steve gets there, he slowly opens it to reveal his girlfriend in all her glory, curled up under their Captain America themed duvet - which Sam bought the trio as a joke last Christmas. Her face is clear-as-day red from her earlier upset, and it breaks his heart.

The man knocks gently on the day as if not to startle the poor girl.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He offers a solemn smile when she turns to see who’s there.

He hates the way he can see her hesitation to speak to him as opposed to her usual squeal of his name, arms opening wide to welcome him into her cuddle-fest.

“Hi.” She manages, forcing her own smile.

There’s silence floating between them, the only sound being Jensen Ackles, in his role of Dean Winchester, talking a load of nonsense about pie on the TV that’s streaming Supernatural.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Steve manages, taking a step toward the bed. “Nothing can excuse the way I yelled at you, and I’m so sorry for that, but, sweetheart, trust me when I say I didn’t mean it. I was so stupidly stressed, and I should never have let it get to that point.”

She nods, truly believing his words, but it still hurt.

The blond sits down on the edge of the bed, not daring to cuddle his girlfriend until she’s comfortable.

“I love you so much, (Y/N) (L/N).”

A bigger smile taints her lips at that.

“I love you too, Steven.” Her voice is barely a whisper but he hears it clear as day.

“Can I hold you?”

(Y/N) smiles and shakes her head as if he was being silly.

“You never need to ask permission for that, Stevie. No matter what.”

With another sad smile, he pulls the woman into his arms and holds her tighter than ever before.

“I’m so sorry, my love.”

“I forgive you, but no more missions for a while.” She whispers.

“Yes, boss.”

Bucky’s leaning against the doorframe, watching the interaction. He took a detour to Tony’s office and made sure to give the billionaire a piece of his mind about making sure Fury didn’t have Steve on any missions for a long time.

“Is this the last episode?” The brunet speaks up, stripping himself of his clothes as he enters their room properly.

“Yeah.” (Y/N) nods.

“I still think we should watch Vampire Diaries instead.” Steve chuckles, mirroring Bucky’s actions.

“I pick the TV show, Rogers shuts his cake-hole.” (Y/N) teases, mocking a line from Supernatural and snuggling herself in the middle of the bed, sandwiched between the two super soldiers - where she belongs. “I love you both.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

“Love you always, doll.”

TAGS

Everything Tag List: @nosoulnoproblems | @rileyloves5  | @girl-who-loves-mythology | @avngrsinitiative | @lookinsidemyhead |@xbabykookiix | @myspectacularfantasies | @fanfic-anyone | @rororo06 | @queenofbuskers | @vapingisntmything | @tony-stank3 | @hermione-grangers-wife | @lili-ann-love | @the-omni-princess | @tayahs-blog | @regulus-black | @saturnsteverogers| @fyfiexo | @amazingiam00 | @deviltownn | @buckybarneses | @fafulous | roryshitposts | trynnabemultifandom | @moodboreddd | @hopingforbarnes | @an-adventureland | justassaneasiam-ll | @profoundllamanickeleggs | @xbongox | @minetticatinwonderland | @thinkaboutmara | @xxaestheticboyxx | @sparklycollectionofoldmemes | @wandaneedstherapy | @georgiadixon | @nerdy-thespian-10 | @nsb-supertrio | @thinkaboutmara | @captainamerica-is-bae | @spookyparadisesheep | @supernaturallover2002 | @notsochillnerd | @peggycarter-steverogers | @reann-shitposting | @buckybarnesplumwhore | @mrsstevenbuchananstark | @ynscrazylife | @jessromanoff | @holsj2411 |

Stucky x Reader Only Tag List: polarbearnamedpanda | @marvelous-glims

SFW Only Tag List: @piper-koko-barnes-rogers

[katyasrussianaccent]

i don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips (corpse x reader)

Summary: Corpse suggests you flirt with each other to mess with the fans. What happens when you suddenly catch feelings?

Authors Note: This has been in my brain for so long so I decided to write it. May or may not write a part 2, im not sure. Lemme know what you think! My requests are open for fic/headcannons aswell 💖

It should have been simple.

Flirt, mess with the fans a little, sit back and relax.

It should have been simple.

You remember Corpse coming to you with the idea.

“Why would we do that?” you had asked, frowning at your phone screen. It had been another late night phone conversation with him; something that was starting to become a regular occurrence.

You pictured him shrug as he answered. “Fun?”

“Are you so bored you wanna make a fake relationship with me?”

“Not a relationship. Just do what we do now, but like, more.”

You had agreed before your brain had even registered it. On paper it was straightforward. You already flirted a little anyway, you were naturally a flirtatious person, and so was he. It made sense; or at least you had told yourself that it did. You knew the fans already shipped you together, you saw the things they tweeted as you occasionally lurked the ynhusband tag on Twitter. It was just innocent fun right? No-one was going to get hurt.

For a little while that was true. For a little while he called you baby and you called him darling and it meant nothing. Your face didn’t feel flush when he commented on your latest Instagram post and your heart didn’t do a little flip when he would call you just to see how you were. The phone conversations were your favourite; curled up in bed with the phone on your pillow, trading secrets into the night. He had suddenly become this constant in your life, this almost routine familiarity like brushing your teeth or going to get milk.

You weren’t sure what changed, when it had gone from being innocent fun to meaning something. It was like someone had flicked a switch, and Corpse was no longer a warm glow but this bright, blinding light that hurt your eyes to look at too long. It was almost cruel, the way you wanted something so unobtainable; the universe’s idea of a joke had no humour in it. The thing with Corpse was he was so unaware of the power he had. He was mysterious yes, but he was faceless among a sea of faces; of course people were drawn to him. And you were just another.

You started to pull away. You played different games with different people, you ignored his tweets. It was easier, if you never interacted with him, you could pretend there was nothing but shallow feelings instead of the crashing waves that threatened to pull you under. The fans had started to notice; your streams were filled with questions that you refused to answer.

“Where’s Corpse?” you read aloud as you scrolled down the chat. “Probably in his house? Go ask him.” Your tone was bitter even to you and you inwardly cringed. He hadn’t contacted you in 2 weeks, and while you were thankful, you were hurt by it. It was stupid and hypoctritical of you to be upset by something that was your own doing, and you weren’t sure what you had expected from him. He had other friends, other people to talk to, why would he have cared about you anyway?

Your phone lit up next to you, and you ignored the pang of disappointment at Rae’s picture flashing up.

Rae: Among Us???

You hesitated for a second. The likelihood of Corpse being there was high, but you knew deep down he wouldn’t say a thing to you, not on stream or in front of your friends. You could just ignore him, like you had been doing and it would be fine. You weren’t sure you believed yourself anymore.

“Guys, you want to watch me play Among Us? I’m not sure who’s playing, other than Rae.” You looked at the fast flowing stream of affirmatives and emojis. Guess you had to do it now. You opened up the game and joined the lobby.

“-yeah she looks really fucking cute,” you heard Corpse say as you logged in. You looked down at your outfit,; he definitely wasn’t talking about you in your oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. You had been on stream for a few hours now; your eyeliner was smudged a little and any lipstick had worn off with the constant drinking and licking your lips. No, he definitely wasn’t talking about you.

“Hey guys,” you said tentatively, swallowing down the feeling of jealousy at Corpse’s previous words.

A chorus of greetings hit you, and you smiled at their enthusiasm. You had played with Rae, Sykunno and Toast a few times before, but Felix, Jack and Ash were new to you, though you knew of them.

“Hey Y/N,” Corpse said. You had hoped after 2 weeks he wouldn’t still affect you so much, but the way your stomach turned said otherwise.

“Hey Corpse,” you replied, hoping your tone was casual.

“I haven’t seen you in a while, how are you?” he asked.

“Oh. Uh yeah, I’ve been a bit busy I guess, how are you?” You looked down as you answered, picking at your nail polish. You glanced at the chat that was filled with messages.

corpsesbaby: You can always tell when someones lying coz they look down” llamadelrey: why is this so awkward lmao arent they friends??” simpsforrae: This is like is a breakup i swear

“I’ve been okay, thanks” Corpse answered, drawing your eyes off the chat and back to the game. You nodded as you muted your mic to go back to your stream.

“I hope I don’t get imposter, I always suck at that so much.” You watched as the screen counted down and the word IMPOSTER flashed up alongside Corpse’s name. “Guess I jinxed it guys.”

Great. Not only were you imposter, you were imposter with Corpse, which meant you would have to actually speak to him. Maybe you wouldn’t have to.

You both followed Rae as she walked up towards Greenhouse, and you cornered her while she did her task, killing her quickly.

“Everyone seemed to go right, so we should vent back towards cafeteria to avoid suspicion,” Corpse said.

“Okay,” you answered. You vented together, and you muted your mic to laugh. “This is kinda cosy guys.” You said to your chat. You briefly imagined what it would be like in real life to be so close to him.

You moved to Admin where Toast was doing his task. Before you could say a word, Corpse had already killed him and you both vented outside Cafeteria. “Fuck, that was so close,” you muttered, chuckling a little.

“Don’t worry, I got your back,” he replied, making your heart sing a little.

“Oh my hero,” you said, making a point of swooning to your chat, your voice high and airy. “How will I ever repay you?”

He chuckled, “You shouldn’t ask questions like that.”

You flushed at the suggestive tone he had taken, and you hoped it wasn’t noticeable but judging by the comments in your chat, it clearly had been. This was another issue you had with Corpse; he always made these type of comments with you and it was really annoying. You knew there was no chance he was being serious, and sometimes you wished he would stop it purely because it got your hopes up.

delilah: shes BLUSHING dreamofme: uWu yn uWu

You opened your mouth to respond when Dead Body Reported flashed up, bringing your thoughts back to the game.

“Toast and Rae are dead,” Sykuuno said. “I found Rae in Greenhouse and Toast in admin.”

“I was in balcony, I went there from the cafeteria,” you said confidently. You hated being Imposter, especially being teamed with Corpse, who was so good at the game, you had a lot of pressure to do well.

“I was in MedBay, I didn’t see you YN,” Ash accused.

“You only see if they enter through the left door. She entered through the other door,” Corpse answered for you.

“And how do you know that?” Felix asked.

“I was in Cafeteria,” Corpse replied.

“You could’ve vented YN,” Jack said.

“No I couldn’t have, if Ash was in MedBay, she would have seen me. Unless she wasn’t in MedBay,” you suggested, smirking to your cam as you muted. “It’s not going too bad I don’t think? Always feel like I’ve been arrested when I’m Imposter.”

“Little sus of you Ash to say you were in MedBay when you weren’t,” Corpse said. You gaped a little at how easy it was for him to manipulate the situation, it was almost scary.

Ash argued as the other players began to agree and discuss among themselves. You smiled in success at the text on the screen.

Ash has been ejected.

You split up this time, and while you hadn’t really spoken during the game, you kind of missed Corpse’s astronaut next to yours, and you said that to your chat. “Haha, our colours did look cute together, I agree.”

Any previous trepidation you had had disappeared as soon as you had heard his voice; and you realised how much you had missed him. You would simply just need to deal with your feelings; they would go away eventually anyway. You just hoped it wasn’t too late for you to start again with him.

You walked to MedBay with Skyunno, making small talk as you did.

“I’m glad to see you playing with us, it’s been a little while,” he said and you felt bad that you would have to kill him. As you turned towards him, ready to kill as he did his task, Jack walked in. You mouthed oops at the cam.

“What’s going on here?” Jack asked, suspicion in his voice.

“I was just saying how nice it was to have YN here,” Sykunno replied. You stood and faked your task, watching the green bar fill as you did. It would be too risky to kill here.

“Ah yeah, Corpse has been asking after you constantly,” Jack said. You blinked at the response, it had caught you off guard.

“Oh?” you replied simply. You mentally shrugged it off. Of course he would have asked about you, you were friends, that was all.

DEAD BODY REPORTED

“Felix was dead in Reactor,” Corpse announced. “Oh Corpse, you’re taking a risk here” you said to your chat.

“I was in MedBay with Jack and Sykunno,” you replied, smiling as they agreed. “Where were you Ash?”

She sighed sadly. “I was in Labs, but I was doing a task, I swear!” You all agreed quickly that Ash would be the next voted out.

“2 to go,” you said triumphantly. “I thought I was gonna drag Corpse down, but it’s going okay!”

The round started again and you could feel yourself getting tired. Hopefully this wouldn’t be too much longer to finish the game.

You circled round Corpse a few times, hoping that he would understand your signal. Luckily he did, and you both vented to Decontamination where Skyunno and Jack were. The room had already started to emit steam, making it extremely easy for you both to vent unnoticed and kill them both.

You grinned at the Victory message that flashed up.

“Good game guys!” you said. The others congratulated you and Corpse on your win and you smiled at the sound of your names together. You had it bad.

“It was all YN,” Corpse said.

“Pfft you ssh being humble, it was all you,” you replied, taking your hair out of your ponytail and running your hand through it.

“Your hair looks nice,” Corpse commented and your eyes widened. Your heart started to beat a little quicker. How long had he been watching your stream?

“It’s bad to watch someone’s stream without telling them,” you replied, making a show of pouting for the camera.

He laughed a little. “What can I say, I’m a bad guy,” he said, singing the last words. You laughed at the sudden Billie Eilish.

“Guys, either play another game, or get a room,” Felix interrupted. You blushed a little and rolled your eyes, the chat going crazy from the corner of your eye.

“And that’s my cue to exit,” you said, yawning. “Bye guys, have a good night!” You wished everyone and your chat goodnight before closing the stream and leaning back in your chat. You couldn’t believe Corpse had been watching you. You hadn’t said anything too incriminating, but still.

You prepared for bed, settling back into the softness of your pillows as you grabbed your phone - a terrible habit you really needed to stop.

Corpse: Can I call you?

You gulped at the message that appeared on your screen, a gnawing feeling of nervous clung to your throat as you typed yes. His name came up almost instantaneously and your hand shook as you pressed to accept the call.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, trying to keep your voice even while your heart beat erratically in your chest.

“It was nice playing with you again,” he commented.

You sat up a little as you held the phone against your ear. “Did you call me to tell me that?”

“I haven’t spoken to you in a while.”

You sighed a little. “Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy, sorry - “

“You’re lying to me and I don’t know why,” he replied. You had never heard his voice like that before; so angry and hurt. You tapped your foot against your mattress as you thought what to say.

“I -”

“Did I do something?” he asked. You had been so selfish; blocking him out to avoid being hurt, but you hadn’t thought about his feelings. He was more popular than you were, you had assumed he would be fine, that he wouldn’t care if you were around or not.

“No, you didn’t do anything, I swear -”

“Then what? Because I thought we were friends, close friends and then suddenly you pretty much disappear. But you’re still streaming with other people. It’s pretty shitty of you.”

You chewed the inside of your cheek and looked up, the sting of tears threatening to fall. “It was really shitty of me, I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” he asked. “Please just tell me.”

“I don’t know what I’m meant to say,” you replied softly.

“What do you want to say?”

You blinked, the anticipation of unspoken words caught in your throat, making it hard to swallow. The taste of them was bitter on your tongue. “I...I have feelings for you.”

There. You had said it. There was no taking it back now, and you felt like your heart was about to shatter with every single second of silence that passed. You could hear him swallow on the other end of the phone. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?”

You bit your lip, taking in the meaning of the question he had asked. It wasn’t something you had thought of, you hadn’t conceptualised your feelings for him, not put them in a box labelled love or anything. “I don’t know. I feel something for you. And it kinda sucks being your friend and having those feelings. So I pulled away.”

“Why does it suck?”

You laughed bitterly. “Why wouldn’t it? Feeling something for someone that doesn’t feel the same is fucking shitty.”

“I asked you to flirt with me YN -”

“Yeah, for fun,” you interrupted.

“No, I said for fun, but really I just wanted you to,” he replied. “I feel something for you too. How could I not? Has anything I’ve ever said to you sounded like it was just for fun?” You smiled at his response, your heart no longer on the fit of breaking, but suddenly doing flips and soaring through your chest, radiating warmth through your body.

“Oh,” you said, your brain was overloaded with thoughts, and was apparently no longer capable of coherent sentences.

“Oh? That’s a great response, thanks,” he teased, but you could tell he was smiling as he spoke.

“I wasn’t expecting you to say that, I don’t really know what to say honestly,” you replied.

“Well, baby, how about you say yes to a date?” he asked.

“Yes.”

[rriavian]

I think I’d like to pose it as another question—is Dream broken?

Because I don’t think that he is.

I don’t think he needs to change. I think the pressure from others to be something else, to be what they expect (whether it be villain or not), to be what they think he should be, is what causes a lot of narrative conflict. I think Dream is aware of that, I think he plays with others perceptions, has been proven right so many times he's amused by it in that mirthless way of the often misunderstood. Perhaps leading to a point where he thinks fine, I will change (enter Daniel), because perhaps Dream could have shouldered being what he was forever if only he wasn’t constantly aware of how no one can really look at him and see him.

Which I think fits into your point about how being misunderstood is inherent to his nature. I think that Dream accepts who he is, and I think he knows far better than anyone the burden his role can be, just as he knows far better than anyone that to put down that burden would be to destroy himself.

I could go on about that, but I probably shouldn’t, because I’ve still only seen season one of the show. For all I know the ending of the comics, it’s an aspect of the media I’ve not yet engaged in, and until I do I don’t think I can entirely make a judgement on his trajectory. It’s why I tend to stick pretty close to the TV show material when I write.

So before I delve to deeply into my complicated relationship with the ending and why I personally don’t get on with it I’m gonna move on.

As a writer (and a reader) I’m not at the point of a fix it, because to me the story isn’t yet a tragedy, and I’m not writing (or reading) in hindsight to try and avert a path already set in stone. I suppose that’s why I’m not really testing alternatives—to me Dream is Dream, no tragic end to avert, and no alternative path to try and forge for him. I’m happy for that to mean that eventually I will be writing in a avenue that is canon divergent, but since I’m still writing within the timeline of season one I’m not there yet. I definitely agree that I don’t want them to change the ending in the show, because although I hate it I feel like that would undermine it somehow.

What I’m pretty sure of is that, for my own personal reasons, I’d have to either stop watching or take a step back from fandom when it happens. It presses a couple of very painful buttons. Dream’s ending is not the story I thought I was signing up for.

But back to your point about that line between fics seeing him alive at the end of the story and turning him into an OC. I definitely agree that it’s a matter of taste! People engage with fanfic for a variety of reasons and I have always been a reader/writer most interested by character voice. Dream’s is so distinctive and utterly fascinating! As a character he is so vivid. And definitely not weak. It’s not even something I can see in the show, because there are many different types of power, and even when Dream is trapped it’s very very clear he’s not weak.

I think that the way Dream expresses/interacts with power is one that people aren’t used to, and because he looks ‘human’ a humans lens of behaviour is incorrectly applied to him.

(I’ve written about this a couple of times so I will again move on!)

I agree that the idea that anyone can fix him is a fundamental misunderstanding, as well as a softening of his story, a disservice to it. To me it takes a lot of Dream’s agency away. If someone else could just swoop in and resolve it all—a fantasy I can definitely understand, one I think everyone has had for themselves when they’ve been feeling hopeless—then it wouldn’t have the power it does.

You make an interesting point about the idea of a “void filler” and it’s one I can’t speak too much on because, again, I’ve not read the comics. I do think that the idea of filling a void isn’t a bad one, or an intrinsically unhealthy one, because it can be healthy to seek out what makes us feel less empty. In many ways, I see Daniel becoming Dream as Morpheus trying a way to fill that void—a way to refresh, to add something new, to break the barriers of being what can’t change, to still be Endless but perhaps in a way that feels more free.

(I almost went off topic again but I pulled it back!)

I suppose in my own way of coming to terms with the ending, I’ve taken a more optimistic view of what happens. But I think the events of canon are the steps towards change that Dream takes by himself. I think they are how he decides to try and resolve things, and he does it as he does everything else—without real explanation, and probably without any expectation to be understood if he did explain. All perhaps to give himself the best chance of dealing with the truth of his existence…that it can feel lonely, that people can never understand him, but with the hope that that is still survivable.

Ok so I said I wasn’t going to go off topic but I did a little bit! Sorry! Moving on because I think this leads into the point you made about how it isn’t about wanting to change who/what he is on a fundamental level. The retired!Dream trope gives me the most insane body horror/torture vibes imaginable and I can’t really engage with it.

Too much like giving him a lobotomy, ripping out all that he is, and what was left might be happy bit it wouldn’t be him at all. I agree that I think that Dream would recoil at it.

‘there is a clear difference between his being capable of change (we all know he is) and wanting to change him.’ – this is exactly it, and it’s what I think too often crosses over. To reference a point I made earlier, it can take away a lot of his agency in the narrative. It can come across as other characters knowing what he ‘should’ be better than Dream does, which I find quite uncomfortable to be honest. Especially when the ‘what he should be’ turns out to be human. I find that far more tragic than death.

Again, your point about him not believing he has a story brings me back to why Daniel, because while Morpheus might not Daniel certainly does.

If he can integrate that into his own identity, perhaps he can experience it, and perhaps the love he has for his dreamers can become what he has for himself. And the love Daniel experiences from others, such as his mother, can also be felt. Though I would say that I don’t think Dream is particularly self-loathing…just that it’s never occurred to him to love himself? If that makes sense. I think you explain what he’d need from a partner very well—the full acceptance without self denial, them not trying to change him, them understanding that there are parts of him that will always be utterly incomprehensible.

Just as with all of us.

Every single human also has those depths. No one can be known entirely (though the existence of the Endless within the sandman universe certainly challenges that!), and in all honesty it’s a really unfair thing to demand from a partner anyway.

I don’t think Dream is supposed to have a story the way everyone else does, and I don’t think he has to, but he can find a more content balance within the nature of what it means to be Dream of the Endless. To link in to your point, it’s not about fixing, but about that acceptance of self.

Sometimes things stay broken.

So I’m not sure if this was coherent at all (and it got very long) but I hope you found it interesting! I always have more to say on these topics! It’s quite layered for me too, and something I mange wip to wip. My interpretation will probably grow when season two comes out/the more I write. Definitely understand why you went for an OOC rather than a canon character (though I do have my own ideas about how those ships can work). There is a precarious dance involved when writing Dream, but I suppose that comes back to my first point.

I think the core of my characterisation for him really comes down to the fact that I don’t think Dream is broken.

Keeping Them In Character...

It’s so interesting what you wrote about fixing Morpheus in the other post, @rriavian. I didn't want to take that one too off topic, hence I made a new one. I hope this is okay, because I love talking about these things, especially with other writers (everyone who reads this, writer or not, feel free to join in). I think I’ve said this somewhere else before (can’t remember where): If we keep him in character, there is no fixing him anyway.

But fanfic wouldn’t be fanfic without those attempts, and I totally get why. I want a different ending for him, too, alas, not in canon, even if that might sound contradictory. If they touched the ending in the show, I’d honestly be pissed off, but that’s my personal problem, and Neil can do with it whatever he wants—it’s his story. So I guess every fic that sees him alive at the end starts with the premise that we have to bend him into shape ever so slightly to make it possible. To me though, there’s a world of a difference between that and basically turning him into an OC with no resemblance to Morpheus bar name and looks (not saying that isn’t fair, it’s just not for me because if I wanted that, I’d write an OC, because that’s what he would be to me).

Morpheus is not weak. I even get why some people who mainly came to the Sandman via the show might be drawn into that direction initially, because we obviously see him very low at the beginning (I’m hesitant to say “at his lowest”). But after that, he pretty much stands in his power again (with ups and down obvs)—a power that burdens him for a multitude of reasons I don’t want to go into now, otherwise I’ll still sit here tomorrow. Wrote about it a million times though.

I think the fundamental misunderstanding is that anyone can fix him. So whoever we pair up with him can only walk with him, but he’ll need to take the steps himself, and more importantly: He would need a reason to want to do that. And yes, that’s exactly what my OC tells him at some point because she suffers, and she’s done with it despite understanding him on a deep level and accepting who and what he is—I think you're right when you say there’s a tendency in fandom to turn one half of the relationship into some kind of martyr and/or “void filler” to save someone. And the tricky thing about Morpheus is: He actually is looking for something to fill a void (which, to stress that again, doesn't mean he isn't powerful, so it's not to be mistaken for general weakness). And both in The Sandman and in real life, that never leads to anything good, but I can see why it's tempting to fall into that trap because his character lends itself particularly well to that type of trope (and I even play around with that in the first part of my fic, but it was also clear to me that it won't end there).

Now, this obviously isn’t real life, a story doesn’t necessarily have to lead to something good, but the most important question, to me, was always: What would make him take said steps himself, and above all: WANT to take them? Because truly, that’s where it all falls down in canon. And there is enough scope to explore that in quite a few different ways in my view.

For me, it was always clear that it can never be through wanting to change who or what he is on a fundamental level (that’s why I’m not into retired!Dream AUs, because they would fundamentally change who he is. Again, totally fine if people want to explore that, it's just not for me). I honestly believe he would bristle at that and recoil/retreat. Because it would just add to what is at the core of his very dilemma: If you want to change who and what he is, you basically admit you don’t truly understand him (not even those closest to him truly do), and that’s part of what breaks him (I say “part”, because there are more things in the mix than one can shake a stick at). And there is a clear difference between his being capable of change (we all know he is) and wanting to change him. They are not one and the same, but sometimes, fandom treats them as if they were.

Misunderstanding him, misinterpreting him is inherent to his being: He is Dream—forever out of reach, forever nebulous and unreal and weird and prone to be misunderstood/misinterpreted unless you stop trying and just trust the process/intuition--otherwise, it wouldn’t be (a) D/dream. It truly applies to all that he is. And you see what happens when he tries to rationalise things himself: Although he understands the boundaries between dreams and reality and keeps them in place, he is UNreality, and forever will be. And the way that gets ignored in fandom sometimes baffles me. Although it also doesn’t, because of course we’re human, and we want things to be real.

Back to those steps: I personally think he would never take them for himself because he doesn’t believe he has a story, and outright centring himself as the main character who is in charge of his own story is something he will always deny himself. But I think that’s also the way in? Because if he could perceive, at least initially, that he is part of someone else’s story and that they WANT him in that story (all that he is and isn’t, including all that is broken) with full acceptance but without complete self-denial. That they don’t try to change him, because they understand what the unreal is (and that requires a very particular type of person). That he would want to try because the love he has for them weighs heavier than how little he loves himself (was it you, @stellerssong who recently also wrote something along those lines, or am I making that up?). And that by doing that, he gradually learns to see himself through someone else's eyes. And once on that path, he would maybe, just maybe, start to understand that indeed he has a story of his own, and that he might be able if not to entirely rewrite, but at least to keep on writing it from this moment onward. Like everyone who believes (because believing something is possible means trusting in it despite it not being real, and trusting in the process rather than the result. He knows the power this wields over everyone but himself--not because it’s not true for him but because he won’t allow it. But maybe he could get himself to a stage where he allows it). That it's not about fixing anything really, but growing enough around what's broken and always will be, instead of trying to make it smaller or go away.

Yes, I do believe that might be possible, although there's much more to it than I've written here because it's incredibly complex, and it requires a lot of give and take, compromise and yes, pain along the way. And maybe it might not work at all (I never really 100% know where I end up when I write because my characters always, always make those decisions for me, and despite setting out with a plan, I almost never end up where I had initially intended to go. So if you asked me today, I couldn’t promise that I truly know where my current WiP is going and who will be where at its end, and it is very frustrating at times because I’m not always happy with what these guys are doing. At the moment, I'm truly not). But I believe he would at least try if someone who allowed for those dynamics were around. And that’s why I wrote an OC, because while I can see one or two canon characters that get fairly close to what I'd envision (and none of them are one half of the bigger ships), I ultimately couldn’t do it with them because there was something in their established dynamics that threw it off for me. Unless I would have pulled at least one of them (probably both) OOC to a degree that felt too much for me. But I'm always super interested in other people's process and line of thinking.

But yeah, that’s the precarious dance between trying to keep him in character while also working towards a different ending (that's obviously far less of a problem in one-shots). If that will ever work—who knows…