#them extra resources to give it to me sooner. I just didn’t think I’d need it

[awek-s]

if I ever recover from this sickness and I don’t die I’m gonna kick my own ass for not sending a next day delivery envelope to the dvla

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

On Oases

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published

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I’ve talked a lot about the importance of safe places, of how important it is for us to be able to be our true selves. I’ve talked about how our families and the Society provide us those spaces, but I haven’t really talked about those spaces themselves yet, or how they operate. I call them oases. Kestrel calls me dramatic. She needs to lighten up {Editing Note: Does that sound funny or mean?}. As ever, though, I’m an anthropologist, and I need my definitions if I’m going to explain things clearly, so oases is what I’m going to keep calling them.

While I’m being scientific, indulge me in some definitions. An oasis is any place run by ghouls that caters to ghoulish needs or wants. I’ll subdivide those further into open oases and closed oases.

{Editing Note: As far as I know, I’m the first person to formally classify this stuff. Am I naming them right? If this book is as successful as I want it to be, these terms are going to be used forever. Should I stick my last name on one of these? Would that be egotistical?}

Whatever you first think of when you hear “safe place” or “ghoul haven” or whatever, you’re probably thinking of a closed oasis. A closed oasis is a place for ghouls and ghouls only. No humans allowed, and usually no ghouls that haven’t been invited either, given our usual security concerns. These places are usually specifically social spaces, like bars or private clubs, places specifically designed for ghouls to unwind without having to keep our true natures hidden. These places are more varied than I’ve probably made them sound, to be clear. Like, I’ve been to an all-ghoul book club meeting before.

We were reading Dracula, in case you were wondering.

The closed oasis that I’m most familiar with is a members-only poker club, at least in name. Obviously I’m not going to name it here, but a lot more goes on there than poker. They keep a bit of flesh on hand, obviously, but it’s not really an eatery. The proprietor, Goji, has done a little of everything to hear him tell it. I know he’s a damn good card shark, and I don’t know if I actually believe that he was in an all-ghoul circus, but he can actually sword-swallow. And he’s a talented tattoo artist, if a little too willing to work on drunk teenagers. Scarlet’s Shakespeare tramp stamp is exceptional, but for some reason he doesn’t like it when we tell him that {Editing Note: That might actually be too much identifying information. I don’t think that’s a common tattoo}. Spatha, on the other hand, really likes showing off the sword he did for her. I kind of wish she’d gotten it in a less intimate spot, what with how eager she is to flash it.

{Editing Note: Clean that paragraph up. The fine line between relatable and rambling keeps eluding me.}

Other than that, Goji’s place has got some nice couches and beanbags, a pretty good tv, and even a few old arcade machines. It’s just a genuinely pleasant place to unwind. It even has a pretty decent bar. Given the rest of his clientele, I don’t think serving drinks to minors counts as much of a moral quandary for him. I do wish he’d cut Scorpio off sooner, though. He’s of age now, but he gets drunk fast, and when he gets drunk he gets weepy.

Goji’s an accepting guy, though, which is mostly a blessing. Being a ghoul doesn’t make us immune to human prejudices, so it’s doubly nice to get a break from the less instantly deadly kinds of othering. We’ve met a lot of interesting people at his place, a lot of ghouls from a lot of backgrounds with a lot of stories to tell and ideas to share. Not that I’m always entirely comfortable with what they have to say. One of the advantages of a closed oasis is that it gives ghouls a place to vent their frustrations with humans, which is important, but some of the venting from the ghouls less integrated into human society, like the Hunters, goes places that I’m not comfortable with. Even if it’s just hot air, I don’t like hearing about how much better things were when “humans were our cattle.” Especially not from people who choose to kill for their food.

{Editing Note: I don’t know if it’s safe to include that here. I want to present an accurate portrait of us, not an idealized one, but I haven’t even talked about Hunters as a group yet. That might be too much, too soon, too bluntly.}

Open oases, on the other hand, are an entirely different beast. Open oases cater to humans as well as ghouls. Obviously the humans don’t know that ghouls are part of the target clientele, and they aren’t places where we can typically be fully ourselves, but they have other advantages. Open restaurants or candy shops or bakeries give us places we can go with our human friends and not have to eat food that makes us sick. Open doctors can check our teeth and claws for problems, and they can check the rest of our bodies too, for that matter - we avoid normal doctors like the plague for reasons that I hope are obvious. I even know of a few open butchers, though I’ve never needed to go to one myself.

I have, however, spent a lot of time at one particular open oasis: my patron’s shop. She runs it as a small indie bookstore with a cute little cafe attached. The cafe will serve you flesh burgers or sandwiches if you know the right signal, which makes it a decent place to meet new ghouls discreetly. I know Yaga uses it to meet other influential ghouls that she considers dangerous, since it’s too public for them to start trouble. Other than that, the shop floor just operates like a normal book store. Yaga’s fond of her collection and she likes talking to customers and making recommendations.

It’s what’s off the sale floor that makes the bookstore special. In addition to the normal storage space, Yaga maintains guest bedrooms, which she lends out to any ghouls that need a place to lay low, or just to sleep. She’s had all sorts back there - lone fugitives, feral children, sometimes whole families waiting on some fake documents to be ready. She’s especially good at getting ghouls off the streets and integrated back into human society. Kestrel was living in one of those guest rooms when I first joined the household.

I met her the summer before I returned to public school - high school, specifically - and my mom and I were still in the early stages of integrating into the household. Yaga offered to watch me while my mom was at work, and she let me hang out in the bookstore and read whatever I wanted while she handled customers. My mom ended up having to work late, though, so Yaga kept me around for dinner, and introduced me to a girl who was staying with her for awhile. 

Kestrel’s about two years younger than me, we think, and her growth spurt ended up being more of a growth bump when it finally came, but even then she was tiny. She was also quiet, but I’d always wanted a younger sibling, so I didn’t let that deter me. I asked a lot of frankly insensitive questions. I wouldn’t get real answers to most of them until later, and the ones I did get aren’t really mine to share, but suffice it to say that she was a feral orphan before Yaga took her in. Yaga didn’t think she was ready to interact with the human general public unsupervised yet, but I promised to watch out for her like a really good big sister if she got to come hang out with me the next time I visited.

I didn’t get an answer that night, but when my mom dropped me off again a week later, Yaga went and got her. She didn’t really appreciate me trying to be her big sister, but she did want to be my friend. It was a little awkward at first, but I’ve always been pretty good at getting to know new people, and pretty soon she was joining me and Scarlet and Scorpio on our afternoon outings. Turns out she didn’t need the extra family anyway; Yaga formally adopted her a few years later. She’s still one of my best friends, and quiet or not, I swear she’s better adjusted than Scorpio.

Yaga isn’t the only patron out there using an open oasis as a halfway house. It’s not the most common thing in the world - it takes a certain kind of person and a fair few resources - but I think it might be the most valuable thing the oases do. No one needs a space to learn how to be themselves more than the ghouls who slip through the cracks. Kestrel is taking a gap year before she decides on college, but it wouldn’t surprise me if she takes over the shop once Yaga’s gone. I hope, one day, that I can help people like that too.

{Editing Note: I might just be paranoid, but I think that this draft makes it way too easy to find the bookshop, especially since Yaga’s masque isn’t exactly subtle. There can’t be that many indie bookstores/cafes owned by old Russian women with  much younger adopted daughters. I’ll need to do some serious rewrites.}

[zombiemarydaly]

Hiya, I currently live in one of the most impoverished cities in my country, and I really want to start distributing reusable sanitary towels but I have no idea how to start. I’m a student so I have a lot of free time but very few connections and not a lot of experience. Any ideas? Thanks x

Hello, I am so happy you are even looking into starting a project like that.

It took me a long time from first ideas to first attempt to finally getting something that worked. 

Don’t be down if it it takes a while. Take what you can do as a success even if it isn’t your full vision.

First step: Get out all your initial ideas in writing. Goals, lists of resources you know you have, plus ones you need. I can give you as much advice as possible, but still nothing will beat engaging yourself on the topic, because you know yourself and your city best and you are the one who you have to work with at the end of the day!

Now, because this is such a long post, I will add a break. Beyond it is a little more of my project and some more specific advice. 

I can tell you have actually done some good pre-planning, because you noted one thing you think you are missing: contacts. You are so right, those are important.

So that first thing I did was actually reckless. I dumped the funds I usually save into buying lots of disposables and some cloth sanitary pads.

I also bought 2 menstrual cups but I later found out people really do not want to take one from you for some reason, even if they want to try them. And it really is not cost effective unless you have a lot of donations to get into handing them out. It was still good to have around to show they were an option.

These conversations you have with people as you are out and about in the world is how I would say you get the best contacts if you don’t know anyone to start. 

It at least got me was attention. I set up shop near a university campus with all my goods organized in a big cardboard box I’d decorated and written “Have a Happy Period” and “Free Care Women’s Health” on it.

I started on a campus because I was a student at the time, though not at that university. I skipped starting where I actually went to school because my college had next to no foot traffic because most people commuted.

At that time I also had less friends in the area and also was not as confident in my ideas. Later I found out that there was a lot of help just waiting for me if I had been more open sooner. 

So I was out with my box mostly on that campus, sometimes outside other places. Sometimes many days a week, sometimes not at all for a month. It was a new thing and new things tend to start that way.

Once I got out there, some women would start to stick around and chat. Now I had a list of numbers of contacts. People who thought this project was cool and wanted to help.

After that I stalled out on it for a while, which wasn’t ideal, but I was nervous with the idea of actually doing this and stretched for time. I also did not have a lot of actual offers to do work just interest in it. And I did not know how to ask people to do things.

It took being involved in a group that had a really nice volunteer sign up page made on a spreadsheet to inspire me to do the same.

It was full of places prompting people to say what they could give and do specifically. If you show new volunteers very specific tasks you need done upfront, they are way more likely to stick around and actually work.

For a cloth sanitary towel creating and distributing group like you mention, you need to find out who can sew and who has materials. So that would go on your sheet.

By this point plenty of my old contacts were no longer available and I had to start back up with my box to get more. Giving people regular updates on where you are at and your thoughts for next steps is vital in keeping people engaged.

It is also some of the hardest not-work work you have to do. Emailing, texting, calling, reaching out on all sorts of different social media I had not even used before. Keeping all these conversations going and being the one pushing the momentum forward was not as easy as it seemed.

Even as a very gregarious person I am in many ways the least likely person to do that successfully. It had its ups and downs. Eventually though you get enough going that some other people start taking the work you struggle with. 

It is important to judge their character, and then if it passes for trustworthy, LET THEM HELP. Let them help with the organizing and leading, too.

But keep handing out tasks. Tell someone to research shelters in the area and contact each one about the project. Tell someone else to look up info on making better pads. Tell a third person to lead a group making a pamphlet about endometriosis. Make it clear that if they can’t do something, just say so, so you know to give it to somebody else. Keep lines of communication open, compassionate, and clear.

You have to keep planning, constantly. Getting your thoughts out, then laying into them. What’s going wrong? What do we need? Where am I going to look? Who should I ask for help? When can I do it by? Set aside planning time, schedule it like you would anything else.

Treat it like your business if you can. That means set aside money for it separately, budget before you buy, record purchases and donations, keep inventory, record what you give out. This is very optional but I wish I had done it sooner.

There is someone in our group now who knows how to apply for grants. Our ability to apply for grants is messed up some because we were such a chaotic group who didn’t document much of anything until recently.

Take pictures of your goods all nice and organized. Take pictures of crafting things or distributing. This can go on social media, and can drive donations or crowdfunding. If you take pictures with volunteers or people you help, make sure to gain at least verbal consent for posting their image respectfully.

Letting other leaders lead becomes more important once you start having more than 20 people involved. Which is a lot. So there’s got to eventually be other people you can trust.

For my first 3 years I had between 5 and 8 people at any given time. Do not be discouraged by going it alone or with a few people. Having just a core group for a while is a great way to find the people you trust and build those bonds.

It is important to get familiar with where you operate. That means getting into local everything. Local politics and media is one angle, getting out on the regular to different places and just being observant is another.

Things you might observe are where homeless people are, places people go for aid, places where students are, places where the elderly congregate. Older women make great contacts for endless reasons, so strike up conversation and bring up your project.  

We have struggled some with Covid dealing with disrupted schedules and people under extra stress. Keeping ourselves and the people we meet safe is also rough.

I can imagine it is daunting to think about starting up right now, because it is a lot harder to make those contacts, but between masks and coordinating online I hope it can work out for you too. 

Don’t give up the idea forever if you can’t start right away. Even if you cannot get out there you can probably do something. Save up for a sewing machine, collect materials, read how-tos, practice.

Hit up stores that sell fabric in any form, ask if there is scraps you can have. You may even get more offers of donated supplies.

If you get to the point of having something planned out and have a link to where you are collecting funding, send it my way as well. Good luck!

[tangerinegod]

Hello! I am sorry to bother you but I am a senior getting ready for college this year. I am in the US and I wanted to major in the same thing you did, do you have any possible tips for me? I still haven't even looked for colleges that would be best for animation majors so I figured if you were up to giving out any tips/saying any basic ideas if you wanted to/if you had the time to then maybe I'll have a better idea! I apologise for if I sound weird! I'm tried to word it correctly but I can't 😿

hi!! i’m totally down to share my experiences! someone else also had some questions so i’m going to put them all together in this post haha, hopefully this helps! it’ll get pretty long so apologies ahead of time but art school is a lot to think about so i wanna be as helpful as i can around it, its a lot of time and money. I’m gonna put it all under a read more cus it is really really long!

i wanna start off with the fact that I had the privilege of attending school in a financially stable environment, my parents were/are really supportive so w merit scholarship i only came out with around 20-30k in debt and i also had housing support my entire time in school. they were ok with me focusing on academics so i didn’t hold a retail job unless i was out of school like summer/winter break. Ofc though i regularly take commissions/do merch/cons to try and pay for all bills that arent rent cus i did want to be financially independent where it was possible. I also did try and work during the semester but everytime i did my body would deff start to breakdown from the fact that i didnt wanna compromise schoolwork with jobs.. so just read ahead know this experience is from a student who was able to attend focusing only on school work for most of the time!

the biggest thing is knowing art school is not required to become a professional in either freelancing or industry! there are a huuuge amount of online tools and classes these days that provide the exact same education and for cheaper too. i think it depends on what experience you prefer/can handle/want but it’s definitely possible to make art/animation art your living without higher education. the thing that college will for sure give you though is the ability to meet deadlines, work even when you dont want to, and connections with peers+teachers. i think the connections part is invaluable because you’re basically coming out with a network of people you already know and who know you! 

also its good to know if you want to attend/can handle art school! it’s a lot of time and energy and students get burned out really fast. the best piece of advice i got before going was ‘if you draw every single day, even if its for only like 5-10 minutes or a doodle for a whole year you should be fine’ consistency is super key because you’re attending school to draw, and you’ll have to create work for stuff you aren’t excited for at some point or another. burnout is extremely real and the only reason i didn’t experience it was probably because i got super into drawing naruto fanart again inbetween sophomore and junior year! it helped give me something to draw seperated from school which is the only thing i was drawing for since i had entered rip. a heads up id also consider myself a workaholic so i fit in ok with the ‘art school’ environment but it is suuper unhealthy. if you are fantastic at managing your schedule then it’s definitely possible to take care of yourself! freshman year i got 8 hours a sleep a night and only pulled all nighters for some second semester finals at the end. sophomore year + up though i ended up prioritizing hw over sleep and like for sure, definitely shortened my life span. there’s another q down below where i’ll go more into detail but ya, be careful w ur work balance!

another tip especially for animation is knowing for a fact what type of animation you’re looking to go into, and what the school is offering. I didn’t think i’d get into art school at the time so i only applied to two places + decided if i didnt get into either id attend community to get credits out of the way while building portfolio. honestly? i did not do a lot of research LOL but like i did end up having the chance to tour and stuff! just know that each school will have a very different curriculum. The main differences are schools that prioritize 3D (cg animation, cg modeling, ect) and 2D/traditional (hand drawn, ‘oldschool’, digital or traditional based) this is a huge difference so make sure you do research for it! in most cases a 2D/traditional program will also offer 3D since it’s at the forefront of the industry animation wise rn. My school taught 2D but like hand drawn on physical paper 2D, frame by frame. while it was a good experience it’s super outdated because digital tools make it way faster + easier! i’d recommend looking for a program that is digital 2D over traditional 2D. 

if after your senior year covid is still affecting campuses in the US to keep them shut down i’d recommend attending a community college to get credits and then transferring into school. one of the negatives is paying money for gened classes when ur not there for them; if you can get them out of the way sooner and cheaper there is absolutely no negative + you could graduate earlier or use the extra time for better work or to work a job! 

these are all the general tips i think i’d give on like a broad basis of attending or not to think about? let me know if u have more q’s! someone asked q’s im answering below that go more into personal experiences + work culture so heres those:

- how many hours a week do u spend studying, in class, otherwise making art? like how much of ur life does it consume?

I was basically working on art.... 24/7! since i wasnt working a job at the same time i crammed as many credits as possible into my schedule so on avg i did 18 credit semesters (around 6 classes) art classes go for 6 hours and non art go for 3, so i’d spent around 30-35 hours in class a week! hw wise it varied on the class but combined it would be around 35-50 hours a week... im guessing? on average studio classes would have 8-10 hours of hw, maybe 5 for a light week, and gened classes 5 hours w them all combined. or this was probably how things were before junior year? junior+senior year i had thesis + everything else ontop.. i’d spend around 30-40 hours on thesis a week with other classes ontop of that bc my film was super long cus im a dummy! 

- is it hard going to art school n realising that altho u were probably quite talented… so is everyone else? Like. all of a sudden. ur not special and everyone seems as good as u, you know? More generally, how do u deal with comparison?

kinda?? i think instead of the idea of like you vs others it feels more of like a competition at first to be the best. this varies hugely on school culture though; my animation year was really friendly with each other and get along extremely well, so my answer to this is v different than some others who attended different schools. i think that the idea of ‘comparison’ only lasts a portion of the first year because at some point you realize that it’s not a who’s better as much as its a ‘these are my coworkers’ type thing? like healthy competition 100% because we’re all working to improve but i think most of us learned pretty early on that viewing each other as peers going into the same workforce helped a lot. also at some point everyone develops their own style/starts to develop their artistic preferences so there isn’t a way to compare whos 'better’ anymore? i dont think there ever is tbh because style is appealing based off of an individuals preferences. If anything realizing everyone else is also amazing makes you wanna work harder ig? or thats how i felt! it’s inspiring to be surrounded by so many people who create such amazing work. 

- is there a lot of workaholic culture? all nighter culture?

100000% there can be a workaholic and all nighter culture. i know people who avoided it and thats honestly fantastic because i fall super easily into that pit. sometimes i’ll pull all nighters on a personal project just because i really want to finish it... i am definitely considered a workaholic all the way through and its not healthy rip... i’d estimate at the worst i was pulling 2-3 all nighters a week and only 4-5 hours of sleep on the nights i didn’t? that was only for one year tho, after that i was like yeah ok this is really bad for my health in the long run LOL so i tried to cut it down to one all nighter a week and around 5-6 hours of sleep the rest of the week! by senior year my decision to cram in full semesters paid off and i was able to consistently get around 7 hours of sleep a night + no all nighters minus finals since my schedule was lighter despite thesis 😭 while there is that culture i don’t think people view it as like a badge of honor or something to be proud of anymore which is good, we mostly view it as a flaw of the art school system and something that needs to be fixed!!

- are you glad u did it? how did u know it was what u wanted?

i am glad i did it! i’m definitely in a limbo right now of if it was worth both my time, money, and my parents money rip but i think with what i got out of it i definitely wouldn’t be as far skill wise or knowledge wise when it comes to the art industry. i would say it was only worth it for be because i had so much support going in though so i was able to focus so much on improving. if i had only been able to put in part of the effort and not make full use of the resources provided i would honestly have a different answer.. 

i knew it was what i wanted when i realized i really couldn’t see myself pursuing a different profession happily! despite all the bumps and stuff im fully in love with drawing still and feel honored that it’s a field that can provide a living. my second profession choice was to go into culinary school? and third option i think going was into music cus i was also a band kid hehe.  

- how do u cope with ur hobby becoming ur job? how do u deal with art going from something u do for fun to something u do on command constantly?

i think seperating work art from personal art is important! in my case im doubling naruto into being personal work so i have something to fall back onto that isn’t work related. its been a hyperfixation for 12+ years? so drawing it at this point is just like personal art imo. some people have hobbies outside of art and only draw for their job! i think after attending classes for so long the idea of hobby turning into job feels extremely natural? also i enjoy doing it so thats a huge plus! 

sorry this is SO long but i hope i answered your guys’ questions! if you have more just lmk!

[kny111]

The David Prize, Animation, Comics, and Storytelling from Forgotten New Yorkers

Hey everyone, I’ve got exciting news for those of you keeping track of the creation of my working title comic book ‘Story of 27′. For starters, as some might remember I didn’t get to reach the intended goal to really get the ball rolling and thus, life and the finances of living in New York city as an Afro-Indigenous low income citizen had me needing these resources in dire time of having to move. So fast forward to now, I’m still trying to get this book out to yall, digitally or otherwise. By all the circumstances I should really be trying to secure some long term finances for my new born child (10 months now) and generational wealth. So in that regard I hope that this following venture might help pave that.. with your help. What I’m attempting to create is not just an inclusive animation studio but a place that can set those in need on the right career path of art, media and being able to sell the products of their labor without having to cater to oppressive systems of abuse like the kind that frequent POC communties and the LGBTQ communities within. Wait Ken but how does an animation studio fit into a story your were gonna tell through comic books? I’m still creating the comic book in its originally thought of medium but the animation studio would be the next step since the story itself was supposed to be an animated film in the likeness of Daft Punk’s Interstella 5555: The 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem (in that there was very little dialogue if any but heavily based on speaking through music). I’d likely create the comic book through this studio, publish it, then use the comic book as storyboard for the film I wanted to make which is what a lot of studios are doing to help facilitate the process. My hope is that the comic book can build a readership into viewership with the help of ‘The David Prize’, which I’ll explain further.

So think of the comic book as a storyboard we’ll all get to read about and then if all goes as planned, an animated film using voices of all types of New Yorkers even folks who would have otherwise not have that chance (like homeless New Yorkers or folks in shelters who would like to give their voice for that cause and in return or in general we’d create toons and media for the poor at low to no cost - and considering how making a few seconds of animation will run hundreds if not thousands of dollars it admittedly wont be an easy feat).

As I had also mentioned I want to first publish a free digital comic book prelude to ‘Story of 27’ called ‘Tail of The Unlikely’ for those who have been waiting so patiently for me to publish something. Trust, I want me to get this done too but life stay slowing things down on that for the better. The more you wait the better the story is cause I’m always learning from yesterday and include that into my stories. Enter ‘The David Prize’, it’s a fairly new prize of $200k to 5 New Yorkers with a vision to help make New York a better place. The prerequisite is having a focus for New York’s growth as a city. I figured this was up my alley and I’ve yet to get to where I’d like to be in terms of production movement on my comic book with the newest member to the family among other life duties. I’m now somewhere I have more cultural knowledge and historical awareness of some factors that make me feel glad I hadn’t created the book sooner in how awesome these inclusions will be.

This makes me excited about this prize because I know with your help as well as suggestions and hands on assistance we can make our own all inclusive animation power house in New York. One where everyone, especially the poor, disabled, POC communities and their LGBTQ equals are welcome and given a chance to work on some media that truly exemplifies a decolonized art movement by way of animation. I’ve never seen this here or much elsewhere so it would be worth trying this in NYC. If this sounds interesting at all to yall, feel free to nominate me for the prize so I can make this a reality for us. With this place made, I might even be able to provide emergency housing assistance (if the city allows it - this likely requires extra licensing and time) to homeless LGTBQ folks which sadly are far too many in the city that many times ignores them.

I’d also like yall to know that my sister has been searching for years now on the housing market to own her own place, a building, to leave some generational wealth to her daughters which I respect. With her current knowledge of the housing market I really think if we brainstormed with some appointed folks that I can trust or work in social justice we can figure out how to use our knowledge and resources to provide for people in need.

Similarly through that space, we can have multifunctionality by also providing a space where the future and present of art and media can flourish through animation. Am I being too hopeful with tryina create this? I think with enough support we can make this a realty. And yall know I won’t deny folks in need if this was made. * I’m still working on the comic book even if I don’t win. To nominate me for the prize click here. Some info you’ll need for the prize are: 1. My email: kennygomez183@gmail.com 2. My first and last name are on my email in the order its shown. 3. They’ll ask you to describe me, if you forgot me my archive be here. 4. They have a super short questionnaire on me, yourself and why you think I can make NYC a better place through this initiative. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this. -Ken, your neighborhood science journalist.

[cloverhighfivewritestoo]

The Empty’s Curse

👉 Read it on Ao3

Characters – Dean, Castiel (Destiel eventually), Sam, Jack, Rowena, Billie/Death mainly. A few others.

Warnings – Angst, fluff (eventually). Dean having a hard time with his feelings (duh). Destiel fluff.

Summary – Dean is dying and there is no getting out of it this time. After a round of goodbyes from friends, Castiel takes Dean on one last ride.

Words – 5390

A/N – Theme clearly heavily influenced by this week’s episode (14x07) (it was the one where Jack is sick and coughing up blood and they couldn’t find a cure)(And yes I wrote this right after 14x07 - Cas’ deal is in 14x08. So. !!!) A/N2 - Special thanks to @licieoic​ for the wonderful painting! Our soft boys were in good hands! <3

The entity from The Empty had had it. A number of people had risen from its depths over time, and the entity seriously had had enough. It knew it was all linked to Dean somehow and had decided to end this charade – it needed its sleep. And so, in a tongue-in-cheek fit of rage, it had cursed Dean to get a little more sleepy each day, losing his vital energy until there is no more.

It took a few weeks before anyone noticed something off. But at some point Dean fell asleep at the wheel, scaring Sam and Jack. The following days had been spent trying to figure out what’s wrong – and not letting Dean drive, which made him extra grumpy although he agreed.

They’d found nothing. They’d read every book in the bunker – again – and every book in the other capitum, and turned out nothing. Some Egyptian spells, some mesopotamian legends, but nothing really fit perfectly.

They’d taken him to the hospital. They’d found nothing.

They’d called Ketch, who, in spite of his vast knowledge, had no idea what could be wrong exactly. He’d contacted a few trusted old friends (much to everyone’s surprise) to try and search the Men of Letters library. After a few days, they hit jackpot – if a curse by The Empty’s entity can be called jackpot. Someone back in Egyptian times had had too much power and the entity had decided it was enough. The story said no god could change the entity’s mind, and the Egyptian man had withered away slowly.

So Dean was dying. Slowly. He was not in any particular pain, he was just tired, a little more each day. He would sleep a lot and, the little time he was awake, he would keep to his bed. He would not eat. He hardly drank a little water.

Sam was by his side almost every waking moment. Jack too. Castiel had gone to try and find some Shaman or anyone the Shaman would recommend. He called to check in every now and then.

Rowena had managed to get Death to come – without killing reapers – so they could talk to her and try to convince her to talk to The Empty’s entity. The tall, dark, timeless woman stood in the doorway. “Hello Dean.” “Hey Billie.” Billie – Death – stood there, unmoving. Dean added, “So, when you said, ‘see you soon’, did you think it would be this soon?” “Actually, no.” “Hah.” “But it is one of your possible deaths.” “Oh yeah, the books with all my deaths, I remember. Really?” “Yes.” There was a moment of silence in which Death walked to the side of the bed and looked down at Dean. “I’m sorry, Dean.” “Me too.” Sam, who was sitting by the bed, asked Death, “Can’t you do something about this?” “No. This death is one of the possible ones. Things will keep in balance if this death happens. It is sooner than I thought, but, then again, I’ve come to expect the Winchesters to live much longer, or many more times than the usual Joe.” Dean didn’t like the answer. “So you’re not going to help us. But you said to me, I remember, you said I was important. That I had work to do. And there is still work to do.” Death turned to Dean. “You have a point. I’ll try to talk to The Empty. But I can’t promise anything; I have no power over it.” Her gaze became unfocused a moment. She blinked. “It said no. And it said it’s claiming you. I’m sorry, Dean, I am.” So Death couldn’t help. The Empty wouldn’t let Dean live. That meant Castiel’s search wouldn’t do anything to help. But even with this news Castiel just kept pressing on, hopelessly trying to find a loophole, something they could try that they hadn’t thought of. He literally scoured the Earth for any specialist in supernatural matters. Yet his hope was his only; everyone else had understood Dean was dying for real, for good, forever.

The first few days after they all realized the inevitable, Sam had cried in silence by Dean’s bed. A lot. He had tried to keep it in when Dean was awake but sometimes Dean was only half asleep and a tear would roll down his cheek as he heard his brother’s muffled sobs. Days passed, and Sam simply felt numb. A kind of routine settled in, a familiarity with seeing Dean bedridden. Dean had told Sam to get out, go on hunts, get some air. Sam had tried, but had botched the jobs, unable to focus. He even got a few bad injuries. So Sam stayed at the bunker. Dean didn’t have enough energy in him to tease him about being a sloppy hunter.

One afternoon, Dean waited until Jack had left to run some errands to talk to Sam. “I’m sorry, Sammy.” “For what?” “I promised I’d look after you, and here I am, dying on you.” “Dean, don’t say that.” “Still…” “Dean… It’s not your fault.” “But it’s not what I wanted.” He looked at nothing in particular, and said, mostly to himself, “Plus, I’m a hunter, a warrior. I shouldn’t go out like this. This is unfitting.” Sam couldn’t come up with anything to say to that, really. So he just sat there. Dean laid in silence. Sam had his head down, his hands white with clasping them together too hard, his mouth a thin line. “Sammy.” Sam looked up, his hands regained a little colour. He waited. “Sammy, I wish we’d spent more time together.” Sam cocked his head. “But… we’re almost always together.” “That’s not what I mean. I mean, we should have done things together, have a little fun. Not just work. When’s the last time we played pool just for fun, not to hustle anyone?” Sam looked down at his hands. “I honestly can’t remember.” He looked up in Dean’s direction, his eyes unfocused. “But… you know… between everything that’s happened… When’s the last time we actually had time to even think about doing… anything, really?” Dean looked away. “I know.”

Days passed, and turned into weeks. Sam still couldn’t hunt. He felt the more time passed, the closer they must be to the end, and he couldn’t bear thinking of being away when it would happen. Castiel checked in more often, but kept searching still.

Ketch had come by and had told Dean he had pulled every string and every favour to try to find someone who could help, without any success. Dean had thanked him for his efforts. Still, Ketch insisted he was profoundly sorry. He added, with more emotion than both thought possible, that he had hoped he could have made it up to him and he had hoped they could have been partners, even friends. Dean had just said, “alright, alright” but had shook his hand nonetheless, adding, “sorry man, we’re out of time.”

Other people had come – Jody, Donna, Claire… Most didn’t know what to say, cried, held Dean, he cried, held them, they tried to find something to say, couldn’t find much, sat around a while, told stories, memories they’d keep with them of time spent together on hunts and whatnots. Made promises of being badass and keep helping people.

Who took Dean’s going away the hardest? It was not a contest anyway, but Claire sure stood out. She kept apologizing for her behavior, Dean kept telling her it’s fine, she’s turned out a strong, capable, resourceful woman, whispering he’s proud of her into her hair as she held on to him, trying to calm down between sobs.

With people coming and going, Sam and Jack had taken turns watching over Dean, who slept even more. After people had stopped coming, they’d kept to this habit, with Rowena popping in from time to time with some spell she’d found to give him more energy or keep him more awake – the effects of which would be very short-lived, at best.

Castiel finally came back. He looked exhausted, but the kind of exhaustion that goes beyond the body. Sam and Jack welcomed him back, hugs were exchanged, news of Dean’s state given. Sam warned Castiel, “Don’t get too startled, he’s lost quite a bit of weight. I kept his beard a little longer so he wouldn’t look too scary with his sunken cheeks. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. I don’t want him to worry about it.” Castiel had assured him he could not be scared by Dean and proceeded to go see him. Sam and Jack let him go alone. Watching Castiel walk away, Sam coughed down a lump in his throat.

Castiel came into Dean’s room. Dean was sleeping. Castiel usually stood around, forgetting altogether the use of chairs, but this time, he pulled a chair, wanting to be close to Dean, knowing he’ll be there a while. Dean was lying on his back, seemingly sleeping peacefully. There were a few comforters on top of him; he was probably cold, what with his lack of energy. Castiel touched his shoulder. Indeed, Dean was colder than a human should be. He tried to warm him up with his grace, but it didn’t work. Dean didn’t even wake up. Castiel looked at him, his hair grown out, his beard short, but effectively covering some of the sunken in cheeks. Dean wasn’t scary, Castiel thought. He was heart-wrenching. He took Dean’s hand in his, looking at his face.

He felt a squeeze of his hand as he saw Dean’s eyes open slowly. “Cas…” Dean squeezed Castiel’s hand harder. “Cas…” “Hello, Dean.” They looked at each other with horror and sorrow, realizing those two words were probably spoken for the last time. They both knew Castiel wouldn’t leave Dean’s side a single instant now.

Castiel was surprised that, in spite of his state, Dean’s eyes were still a most vibrant green. Castiel didn’t understand why, but he had the sudden urge to get a few strands of hair out of Dean’s face. It was unnecessary – Dean’s hair wasn’t that long – but he wanted to touch him, to feel he was still here. He was already holding Dean’s hand, but it didn’t seem enough. He bent over a bit and smoothed out the hair out of Dean’s face, gently. Dean closed his eyes and turned his face ever so slightly into Castiel’s touch.

Castiel let his hand rest by Dean’s head and, with his thumb, stroke his hair by his ear. He shifted his weight, knowing he’d stay like this for a while. Dean leaned in a little. Castiel looked at his beautiful face, still beautiful in spite of the weight loss. “How did we get to this?” Dean opened his eyes, but didn’t look at Castiel. “You know. It seems I managed to piss off a cosmic entity.” He looked up at Castiel, and, with a sad smile, said, “seems we have something in common.” “Yes, but I pissed him off to come back to you.” Dean closed his eyes, his brow furrowed, his face a grimace of sadness, as he leaned more into Castiel’s hand. “I’m sorry.” “That’s not what I meant – Dean…” Castiel took Dean’s face in both hands. “Dean, don’t… I’m not saying…” He let go of Dean's face. Dean grabbed Castiel’s shoulder and pulled at his trenchcoat. “Cas…” Castiel, without even thinking, bent down and took Dean in his arms. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel, sobbing. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” “It’s not your fault.” “Yes, it is.” “It doesn’t matter.” “Don’t go.” “I’m not going anywhere.” They stayed like this for a while, Dean going from calming down to panicking again because he knows this is the end and there’s nothing he can do. The powerlessness was unbearable. Abandoning everyone in his care was unbearable. Focusing back on Castiel’s arms around him made him forget his guilt for a moment. But then it came back in waves and he panicked again. Castiel would hold him closer then and Dean could feel Castiel’s eyelashes brush close to his own.

Sam, having heard nothing for a while, thought Dean had fallen asleep again. He went by to talk to Castiel but, as he came to the door, he saw his brother holding on to his angel for dear life. The joy of seeing Dean finally letting his walls down about Castiel filled him with tremendous joy. And knowing the timing was the worst filled him with immense sadness. He didn’t know if he was smiling or crying, but his heart was the heaviest it had been in a while. He closed the door silently.

Inside, Castiel felt Dean’s arms fall to his sides. Exhausted, Dean had fallen asleep. Castiel straightened up, stroke Dean’s cheek softly and tucked him in. He took Dean’s hand in his and watched over him.

Dean’s eyes opened. How much time had he slept? He couldn’t tell. The light in the room was the same, Castiel was the same, sitting by the bed, holding his hand. Cas. The only true constant in his life. Cas. Castiel, looking at Dean waking up, didn’t go for his usual 'Hello, Dean.' He couldn’t anymore. Every 'Hello, Dean' would feel like it was the very last one, as if it could provoke Dean’s end. Instead, Castiel smiled at Dean. Dean smiled back and gave Castiel’s hand a little squeeze. Looking into his angel’s blue eyes, he felt his heart grow in size, his breath hitch. “Hello, Cas.” Castiel smiled even more. “Hi. Did you sleep well?” “I dreamed you were holding my hand everywhere we went.” “We’re not going anywhere, but it is not a dream, I am holding your hand. I’m not letting you go.” “It felt nice in my dreams.” Castiel stroke Dean’s hand with his thumb. “It feels nice right here.” “We should go somewhere.” “What?” “We should go somewhere. I’d like to be with Baby again, ride in her.” “You can’t drive.” “You can.” “You never let me drive her.” “Soon I won’t be around to keep anyone from driving her. Hell, I even taught Jack to drive with her. So, you know, of course you can drive her.”

On the front seat was Dean wrapped in blankets, buckled up tight so he didn’t have to spend too much energy sitting up. Castiel was at the wheel. Sam was leaning on his arms into the window, asking where they were going and how long. Castiel didn’t know. Dean didn’t know. “For a drive.” was the only answer. Sam made sure Castiel had his phone and wished them a good afternoon.

Castiel kept his eyes on the road. Now and then, he’d glance to see if Dean was still awake. Invariably, he’d see him leaning against the door, not unlike a human burrito in all his blankets, his eyes half closed against the sun, a soft smile on his face. Sometimes Dean would close his eyes and breathe deeply as he listened to Baby’s engine as if it were the only music he’d ever cared for, and then he’d open his eyes again, looking at the scenery through his eyelashes.

Castiel wondered how far they’d go like this. Not that he minded going to the ends of the Earth with Dean. And he liked driving Baby, he realized. He turned to look at Dean again and saw a flash of green staring at him contently. He looked like he had been staring for a while. “Cas, do you think you can drive with one hand?” Castiel didn’t know what to make of that question. “Um…” “Cas…” Castiel saw Dean undo his blankets, lean a bit closer and offer his hand. “I’m tired, Cas.” Castiel took Dean’s hand in his. Dean looked down at their hands, his eyes drooping. He unbuckled himself and scooted closer, and he laid his head on Castiel’s shoulder. He interlaced their fingers. The touch of Cas. The smell of Cas. The low rumble of Baby. He fell asleep with a smile.

Dean woke up in a hotel room at the crack of dawn. The weight on his chest… Cas’ arm. His left side being warmer than his right side… Cas is… Oh. Cas is lying against him, holding him. “Dean…” “Hello, Cas.” Dean closed his eyes as he moved to hold Castiel closer. He almost fell back to sleep. “Did you sleep well?” Dean opened his eyes again. “Better than in a long time.” Dean turned his head to rest his cheek against Castiel’s forehead. “If I’d known I’d sleep so good with you by my side, I think I’d have done it sooner.” Dean closed his eyes, and turned his head a little more to brush his lips against Castiel’s forehead. He absentmindedly gave him a little kiss.

Castiel shifted a little and looked up at Dean. They stayed like this, lost in the green, lost in the blue. In that very moment, Dean had no concept of the bad luck that had befallen him. There was no curse from the entity from The Empty. There was no having lost so many people over the years, there were no epic battles against demons and angels. In that very moment, all of Dean’s universe was Castiel’s eyes and Castiel’s touch. Dean, without even thinking about it, cupped Castiel’s cheek. With his thumb, he stoked his eyebrow and trailed down his cheek to his jaw. He slid his hand to the back of Castiel’s head and played in his hair.

Dean suddenly stopped, his eyes wide. “Wait. How did we get here? Last thing I remember, I was falling asleep in the car.” Castiel smiled. “I kept driving, seeing you slept so soundly. As the sun started to go down, I spotted a lake nearby. I carried you by the lake and sat us on the shore, holding you close so you wouldn’t fall. I thought, if you’d wake up and see the sunset, you’d like it. Then night fell and there were so many stars it was beautiful. I thought, maybe you’ll wake up and see the stars. At some point, I couldn’t keep you warm enough, so I found this little hotel and got us a room. I did my best to keep you warm. You don’t seem so bad.” Dean thought for a moment. “You mean… You took me on a date and I slept through it?” Castiel was confused. “Is that what a date is?” Dean laughed softly. He started playing in Castiel’s hair again. “And a good one, too. I’m sorry I slept through it.” “It’s alright, Dean. You can’t help it. And, I saw you smile a few times in your sleep. You never smiled in your sleep.”

Even if Dean knew Castiel had watched him sleep often, so often, it dawned on him that Castiel didn’t do that with anyone else. Since the very beginning, Castiel had watched over him, making sure Dean is alright. Maybe Castiel didn’t know human emotions at first, but his care for him was already present, very present. He always came when he called. He even came when he didn’t really call, but just… thought of calling. Dean had been demanding sometimes, and Castiel had been very busy with angel wars, but Castiel had come and helped Dean. Dean realized that even if Castiel had been grumpy or even angry at him sometimes, he never felt Castiel would stop being his friend, ever. And then he realized how stupid it is to use the word 'friend' when you’re holding each other, in a bed, looking into each other’s eyes, playing in his hair. Dean thought about the things he’d done without thinking about them – holding on to Castiel, holding his hand, that little kiss he just gave him, being calm whenever he felt Castiel close to him. And Castiel never shying away, always welcoming every one of Dean’s touches, sometimes giving him what he needs before he even knows he needs it.

“Cas…” “Yes, Dean.” “Do you…” He couldn’t say it. Love. He just can’t say it. If Castiel said no, he’d die, for real, right here, right now. Castiel squinted a little. What was it that Dean wanted to know? “Do I what, Dean?” Dean was stuck. It all seemed ridiculous. Here they were, in each other’s arms. But, then again, Castiel always did exactly what Dean wanted or needed, nothing more. He responded to Dean, but did anything come from Castiel himself? Did Castiel want any of this? Dean’s head started spinning with questions, doubts, fear. He let go of Castiel and shifted on his back, looking at the ceiling, sighing.“

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Castiel propped himself on his elbow, looking down at Dean. “Dean. What’s wrong?” Dean passed his hand in his own hair, looked up at Castiel. His question came soft, almost a whisper. “Why do you do all this anyway?” Castiel cocked his head. “All this what?” Dean gestured vaguely, looking about the room. “This. All of this. Everything you do, everything you did. Like, watching me sleep. Or, I don’t know, running complicated errands to get stuff for us. Or… You know, all the things you did. Every time you came when I called. You know. Everything.” “You ask me why do I do all of it?” Dean looked intensely at the wallpaper. “Yes…”

Castiel took a moment, looking into Dean’s eyes until Dean looked back into his. “I love you, Dean. Always have.” Dean seemed surprised. “Since we first met? But I stabbed you.” Castiel smiled. “Before that. Since I rescued you from Hell.” Dean’s eyes were wide. “Whoa… Really?” “The angels were right when they said I was lost as soon as I laid a hand on you. I had never felt emotions like this. I was, indeed, as an angel, lost.” Dean was speechless. Tears brimmed his eyes, he didn’t know why. Castiel continued, “Everything I did, I did for you. I still do. You’re the most important thing in my eternal life.”

Dean’s vision blurred. He felt the tears rolling down. He blinked, trying to keep Castiel in focus, trying to not lose a single instant of his blue eyes looking at him. Castiel didn’t understand the tears. “Dean, are you OK?” “Yeah, I…” He grabbed Castiel by the shoulders. He didn’t pull him in, he just held on. “Dean… What’s wrong?” “Nothing, I…” Dean lifted himself up on his elbows and reached up to Castiel’s lips, but stopping right before he got to them. What was he doing? He looked at Castiel, who hadn’t moved, seemingly waiting, looking into his eyes. Castiel passed an arm around Dean’s back to help him stay up. Dean’s mind went blank. He closed the distance and pressed his lips against Castiel’s. He saw Castiel close his eyes, felt him press his lips against his, but nothing more.

Dean fell back down to the mattress. He didn’t know if he did something he should regret or not. Castiel’s voice came low. “Well, that’s new.” Dean looked up at Castiel. “New? You’ve kissed before. You even…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. Castiel laid back down by Dean’s side, took Dean’s hand in his. “It’s new because I thought my heart would explode. It’s a strange effect.” “But did you like it?” “Yes, it’s strangely pleasant.” “Do you want to try it again?” “Yes.”

The first kisses were soft. Dean’s head was spinning so much, he felt he’d never kissed anyone before Castiel. Sometimes they’d stop mid-kiss, their mouths still open, catching their breath. ”Dean?” “Yes, Cas?” “Is my heart really going to explode for real? It’s beating really too fast.” Dean chuckled. “Don’t worry. Mine exploded a couple times already.” Castiel opened his eyes in horror. “How…?” Dean laughed. “It’s a manner of speech. Hahaha… God I love you, you’re the best.”

Dean froze. He said it. He told the words to Cas. He started to panic, but Castiel had already his lips on his, kissing him harder. He felt Castiel’s hands in his back, gripping at him. Soon all that mattered was Castiel’s mouth, his tongue against his, hearing their breaths hitch, a low moan escape from… who, he couldn’t tell. Dean’s lips got numb from kissing, but his longing for Castiel just made him kiss him harder, slower, longer.

Dean woke up in his bed in the bunker. Opening his eyes, he saw Sam sitting by the bed. Only Sam. As a reflex, he tried to sit up, panicking. “Where’s Cas?” Sam put his hands up. “Hey, it’s fine, he just left two minutes cause Rowena wanted to talk to him.” Castiel appeared, having visibly ran to the bedroom. “Dean!” He went around the bed, ignoring Sam. He sat by Dean, taking his hand. “I’m sorry. Rowena wanted to tell me something, and…” Dean put his other hand on Castiel’s. “It’s OK.” “But I promised you…” “It’s OK. I’m sorry I panicked.” Castiel bent down, kissed Dean’s forehead. Dean closed his eyes. Castiel kissed Dean’s lips, softly. Dean kissed him back. “So I guess it wasn’t a dream, then.” Castiel cocked his head. “What wasn’t a dream?” “The car ride, the hotel room…” They heard Sam clearing his throat. It didn’t seem to register with them. Castiel answered, “No, it wasn’t a dream. You just fell asleep in the middle of…” They heard Sam really, really clear his throat behind them. “Um, guys, I’ll just…” Sam stood up. Castiel turned to Sam and stood up. “No, you stay, Rowena’s not done with me.” He turned to Dean. “I’ll be right back.” Dean smiled. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere.” Castiel pursed his lips, not laughing at Dean’s joke. Dean looked fondly at Castiel. “Hey, love you.” Castiel’s expression softened. “Love you too.” And he left.

Sam sat back on the chair, looking at his brother who was smiling stupid to himself. Sam couldn’t help but smile, too. “So, you two, uh?” “Yup. Who’d have thought!” Sam chuckled. Dean turned to him. “What?” “Well, Dean, come on. You guys have been into each other for… well, forever it seems.” “You’re kidding me.” Sam only laughed softly. “I’m happy for you two.” “Thanks. I’m happy too.” Dean’s smile faded. “It’s just… the timing…” Sam’s smile faded, too. “I know. But, you know, at least…” “Yeah.”

“So when did Cas bring me back here?” “Um, three days ago.” “THREE DAYS?” “Yeah. It’s the longest you’ve slept so far.” Both brothers got lost in their thoughts. They knew that meant the curse was progressing. Dean broke the silence. “And I’m awake less time each time.” “How long were you awake last time?” Dean rearranged his blankets, thinking. “Well, the ride in Baby, I was awake maybe three hours. Then I slept for about 14 hours. Then I was awake for maybe one hour, and then – he gestured to the room – slept for three days.” “Fuck.” “Yeah." Dean scoffed. "Actually, no.” “What?” “I’m too tired, I can’t.” It took a moment for Sam to make the connection. “Really, Dean? You’re really telling me that? Seriously?” Dean chuckled. He added, more to himself, “Cas probably doesn’t even know how with a guy anyway.” Sam leaned in a little. “And you, do you?” Dean looked at him sideways, a smirk lifting his lips. Sam threw his arms in the air. “Shouldn’t have asked!” Dean chuckled.

Rowena came in with Castiel. Castiel sat by Dean on the bed, their hands finding each other. Castiel looked into Dean’s eyes. “Dean, Rowena has an important message.” Sam got up and offered his chair to Rowena, and stood by the bed. Rowena looked at each man in turn before speaking. “I’ve been keeping in touch with Death and a couple more people, to try and see if the entity from The Empty changed its mind. As it turns out, it seems the entity is waiting for Dean and so it’s been awake the whole time. And it hates being awake.” Castiel added, “Oh yes. It really does.” Rowena nodded. “Yes. And so it’s gone out of patience and it seems it’s going to claim you sooner than later.” Dean’s brow furrowed. “How soon?” “Yeah, well, that’s the thing. Really, really soon.” “Rowena.” “Tonight.”

The news dropped like a bomb. Castiel felt his hand squeezed so hard he winced but didn’t move. He turned to Dean, whose face was already wet with tears, his eyes wide in despair. Sam walked to the door. “I’ll get Jack.”

When Sam got back with Jack, Dean was sitting up, holding Castiel, his face buried in his shoulder. Rowena was still sitting on the chair, her head down, hands folded in her lap. She looked up at Jack. “Jack…” “Yeah, I know, Sam told me.” Dean, hearing Jack’s voice, let go of Castiel. He looked up and extended his hand. “Come here, kid.” Castiel got up and went to the foot of the bed. Dean took Jack in a hug. “You take care of them, alright?” “Yes…” “And of yourself. OK?” “Yes.” Dean patted Jack on the back, broke the hug. He looked at him, patted his shoulder. “Alright.”

“Hello, Dean.” Billie – Death – stood in the doorway. Dean looked at her, eyes wide. “What? Rowena said ‘tonight’, aren’t you early?” Billie walked in as she answered, “We are officially at night, now.” “But…” “Dean, I’ll let you say your goodbyes, but I have my orders. Sorry.” Dean turned to Sam, whose face was red, tears rolling down his cheeks. Dean opened his arms. Sam sat on the bed and took his brother in almost violently. They held each other for a moment, immobile. It seemed they almost had stopped breathing. “Come on, Sammy…” “No.” “You’ll be alright. Come on.” Dean broke the hug, took his brother’s face in his hands. “I’m proud of you, Sam. You’ve become a great man. I’ve always been proud of you.” “Me too.” Dean pulled him in again shortly. They finally let go, and Sam stood up and walked out of the way.

“Rowena.” Rowena went to Dean, gave him a hug. She was so small in Dean’s arms, in spite of him being but a shadow of his former self. “Well look at me, I’m crying too. For a Winchester!”, she laughed, sobbing, trying to brush off the horror of the overwhelming emotions that come with loving people again, and losing them. “I did everything I could, Dean, I swear.” “I know, I know.” Rowena broke the hug, looked at Dean and stood up to go back by the chair.

Dean turned to Castiel, still standing at the foot of the bed. “Cas, help me stand.” “But you’re too weak.” “Cas, come on. Help me. If I’m going, I’m going standing. Not like a bedridden wuss.” He shook his hand in Castiel’s direction. Castiel helped Dean out of bed and held him up. “Alright, Billie. But before you take me, tell me, what will happen with me?” “Part of your self will be scattered throughout the universe of every dimension. Part of your self will be in The Empty.” “Wow, no chance of coming back at all, then.” “No. Not this time.” “Alright.” “Are you ready?” “No, but do I have a choice?” “Not this time, no.” “Let’s go then.”

Dean turned to Castiel, and, losing himself in his blue eyes one last time, kissed him, leaning his body into Castiel, Castiel holding him tight. It was a long, silent, soft kiss. Dean stood there a moment more, his forehead on Castiel’s. In barely a whisper, he said, “Cas, never forget I love you.” “Never,” came the answer, more calm than both thought possible. “And I love you too.” Dean closed his eyes against fresh tears, kissed Castiel one last time, trying to imprint the taste of his lips in his mind for eternity.

Dean finally let go of Castiel and started walking towards Death. But Castiel still held his hand. Dean turned around. “Cas, you gotta let me go.” Billie and Castiel exchanged a look. Dean caught it. He asked Billie, “What’s going on?” Billie nodded towards Castiel, saying, “We have an agreement.” Dean turned to Castiel. Castiel stepped in closer to Dean. “I’ll go with you.”

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Soulless Riffing: Brainless Ch.13

I got a supernatural action/romance book series as a gift that’s just riddled with stuff that I hate….and as a steampunk Victorian London action romance story filled with werewolves and vampires…it’s yeah gonna be easy to poke fun at.

I just want to say, it’s totally cool if you like this story or ones like it!  It’s certainly a better caliber than a lot of what I make fun of…however…I can’t help but want to make fun of it.

Over here for the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7+8, 9, 10+11, and 12.

AAAAAAAA FUCK IT HERE GOES!

Chapter 13

You know? The only tolerable parts of this story are the plot and action.  I’m sorry to say that this chapter is like all action and plot but it’s still a clusterfuck made out of dogshit.

HERE GOES!

Doctor Deathbreath is happy Alexia’s power works.  He uses the zombie to rip the two apart.  Before he’s able to Lord Maccon stabs it with the glass she hid in her titties but it does nothing. With the two apart Lord Maccon starts changing back into a werewolf.

They’re all SURPRISED it happened so fast. The author is like “She told them it’d take an hour to transform him out so they must have assumed it would take that long to untransform.”

But like…excuse you book. All these scientists may be too dumb to lie, but after telling a woman they’re planning on killing her, they don’t think she’d lie to give herself an advantage?

So Genocidal Gary just sics a bunch of dudes on the werewolf and marches out of there with Alexia. Alexia has the brilliant idea to stab herself with the glass shard in the zombie, to leave a blood trail for Lord Maccon to follow.  She doesn’t YANNO try to stab the zombie some more, or cut a piece of him open and try to get at the gears in him, or even HANG ON TO THE GLASS SHARD. She just stabs herself.

(Alexia shrugging with the tagline “Guess I’ll die”)

She’s taken to a SCIENCE room.  In this room they have a bunch of scientist with Lord Akeldama hooked up to a machine that’s pumping his blood out into some rando in hopes it’ll make rando an extra good vampire cause Akeldama is extra old.

How could this experiment illuminate how to kill Vampires easier?

SHHH SHHH STOP THINKING SHHHHH SHHH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

She SO BRAVELY calls them philistines for torturing her friend.

FUCKING PHILISTINES?

1.)   It’s impossible to use the insult without sounding like a pretentious toff.

2.)   It means someone who doesn’t appreciate culture and art.  So that’s the worse fucking thing you could think of? NOW REALLY? AUTHOR, USING THIS WORD ONLY MAKES YOU SEEM SMART TO OTHER DUMMIES! MY LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICT CURRICULUM TEACHES THIS WORD TO FUCKIN’ 12 YEAR OLDS YOU’RE NOT FUCKING SMART!

They talk some nonsense science and then Alexia really has her MOMENT! YANNO! SUCH A GOOD MOMENT!

She says it isn’t the vampires and werewolves that are the monsters, REAL MONSTERS ARE THE SCIENTISTS!

(Hugh Laurie(?) sighing, rolling his eyes, and tilting his head bag in an exaggerated UGH fashion.)

So Prejudiced Pete slaps her, and I TELL YOU WHAT, I THINK I WOULD TOO!  YOU SPEND ALL EVENING COMING UP WITH THAT ONE, HUH ALEXIA? GOOD FUCKING JOB!

Also you didn’t fucking earn this! The entire last chapter you just played grab ass.  In fact, you basically played grab ass this entire book. The last thing you were going to do to stop this genocide was consult with a guy YOU ALREADY CONSULTED with but you got derailed to TALK ABOUT HOW YOU’RE TRYING TO GRAB THAT ASS!

Now you wanna come in here with almost no work to discover/fight these fucking dimwits with a big self-righteous speech about how these painfully evil scientists turn out are painfully evil scientists?

GO FUCK YOURSELF!

So they shock the body full of vampire blood, and it starts to move. Okay sure. Sir. DumDum Stupidbega asks if the vampire has any blood left, and the other scientist is like

IDK

I don’t think these are fucking scientists, I think all these people are those fucking zombies.  I know they’re supposed to be so evil they kill on a whim, but they take all these great resources and just fucking piss them away.  

BUT LET ME GIVE YOU A WRITING FUCKING HOT TIP HERE:

VILLAINS ARE BEST AND SCARIEST IF THEY’RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT THE EVIL SHIT THEY DO!

Alexia is SURPRISINGLY still alive, so they strap her to a machine to drain all her blood, which is umm probably going to kill her.  They took an antidote and it poured down the drain, but it has miraculously spat back out the drain but also now it’s in a cute mug, and it’s warm, and it tastes like quality Earl Grey Tea.  So they take that mug of warm, revitalizing antidote and throw it against the wall.

EVERYONE IS THIS STORY IS SO FUCKING STUPID AND I’M DONE READY TO DIE!

Before they can start the machine a couple of dudes come in with a wrapped up body, and turns out one of those dudes is MacDougall.  MacDougall is again AGHAST at how they’re treating Alexia and tries to convince BloodHappy Moroniwitiz to try actual science but of course that’s poo-poo’d. They’re about to drain her blood, and MacDougall looks away.

SUDDENLY Alexia starts using a lot of words to describe him as fat and has the line, “Poor thing, … It must be hard to be so weak all the time.”

I know I have a wet spot for MacDougall but…I’m not sure why she wasn’t this upset when he let her get literally thrown to a wolf, or what she’s exactly expecting him to do?  Punch the bad guy and try to undo her restraints just for the 3 other scientists and zombie to drag him away?

I mean I can see her acting out in anger cause she’s frightened, that’s understandable. But like the text clearly wants us to paint this dude as bad for not first getting the shit kicked out of himself for it to not help at all.

Like author? Can we maybe paint this dude as bad because he’s sympathetic toward nazi stand-ins?  

I was hoping he was just a yandere, or kicked puppies. I can forgive myself for fucking one of those? But a centrist!? Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh.  

However just as they’re about to suck that sweet blood the door starts a pounding and it’s obviously Macaronawolf.

Scabby Prick Jizzums says the doors will hold even though it starts splintering right away. My boy, apparently the steel door meant for werewolves couldn’t hold him? BUT OK!

He bursts in, horribly maims the no-name scientists and begins to fight the zombie. NOW THAT’S A REAL MAN! I’M DEFINITELY WET AT THE IDEA OF MY FELLA RIPPING OPEN THE GUTS OF DICKISH BUT DEFENSELESS SCIENTISTS AND SMEARING THEIR HOT ENTRAILS ALL OVER THE FLOOR!

I don’t know about you folks out there but if I was given the choice between a man who lets you die, and a man who will kill you. I’d rather him puss out than fear AT ANY POINT that he may be violent toward me.

But perhaps….

(Natalie Wyn, perfection herself, saying in a mythical fashion, “I’m not like other girls.”)

Alexia shouts at MacDougall to free her during this, and it takes her saying it twice before he does so. So he’s a total coward, and not yanno briefly paralyzed with fear watching a wolf monster disembowel 3 people.

The fight is getting intense the body pumped full of Akeldama’s blood wakes up and attacks MacDougall.

I love how they strap down the vampire with no blood left but don’t strap down the newly born vampire. That seems good and smart and good.

Buttstank Demondip uses Alexia as a shield to escape and the zombie is about to choke out Maccon.  

All this action is not written well.

Lord Akeldama wakes up just in time in order to tell Alexia to wipe at the numbers on the zombie’s head. She’s able to get one of the Roman numerals so it STILL functions but barely, thus freeing Maczoom to eat Alexia. However she’s able to hug his neck and bring him back to his human state.

The two of them dramatically make-out for a bit.  Which like, is fine, but I can’t help feeling as if they didn’t earn this either.  I feel like this is much more cathartic when the two haven’t seen each other in a long-while and we’re both fighting and working a lot and FINALLY they get to see each other again and WOWZERS what a relief that is.  However they were making out just like what a half an hour ago?

Whatever.

Meanwhile MacDougall is fighting for his life against a vampire but yanno that’s fine.  He deserves it because he was paralyzed with fear for a moment.  So he can wait a moment while his crush makes out with a man who graphically murdered a bunch of people and it’s only luck that he didn’t do the same to him and her.

Eventually Lord Smackaroon punches the vampire out, and releases Akeldama from his restraints.  Akeldama makes a remark about how lucky Alexia is cause Maccon’s got that big old ding dong.  And honestly? With how lame this story is they should have just gone with the dumb as hell reference of, “MY! What a big Willy you have!”

Maccon offers for Akeldama to bite him since he needs his strength back….but like there’s literally 3 dead bodies on the floor, and the vampire that has HIS blood is flopped right over there.  But before we can come to an agreement, the zombie suddenly starts working again and starts to strangle Maccon.

The author even writes, “the automaton…was trying to fulfill the last order given to it: to kill Lord Maccon. This time, with the earl in human form, it stood a fairly good chance of succeeding.”

I’m sorry but this is really pathetic.  This is essential the author saying, “Okay I did wrap up most of this action and it’s very low stakes at this point BUT TENSION? HUH? YOU SHOULD FEEL TENSE!”

She really should have ended this chapter sooner on a better cliff-hanger. But WELP! 

Say something Nice Faps:

Fuck man I don’t have a lot to say here, this just sucks a big one.  I mean, it is a dramatic climax?

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA AU [self insert]

Nani the heck is this? read here!

Chapter 4: Fuck my Drag right?

The events of the sports festival unfolded and everyone is being recognized for their feats. Iida has put his feelings for Ita on the back burner as his brother was disabled by the Hero Killer. The internships happened and everyone is coming back from them. 

-Monday, in homeroom with Mimi and Jin-

“Y'all heard about what happened?”

“YEAH! bitch I’m scared”

“Me too, what’s going to happen next?”

“I’m just glad nobody died and that the students are ok”

“you say that because Glasses was one of the students”

“NO ITS BECAUSE I’M THEIR CLASSMATE! I would feel the same if it was you two”

“Aww Ita!” said Mimi and Jin, coming in for the group hug.

The mood changed when Diya sensei came in. He seemed unusually peppy from his usual neutral or gritty moods. 

“Good morning class, lets settle down for some big announcements” he said with a smile that we didn’t trust. “As you all may have heard about the attack and the students involved, due to those incidents, our department has moved some lessons around to have our students more prepared to be ready to defend the others and each other.”

He takes out the syllabus,”if you can take out your syllabus so you can mark the changes” we comply.

“Ok so instead of just working on our semester final project until the marked due date, we also have to do our week long incognito lesson with practice starting Wednesday. In weaponry we’re going over defense and escape for next week. Our licensing exam is still in 2 weeks and the semester final project has been extended to 1st day of 2nd semester.”

I finish the changes and think, wow even we’re affected by all this.

Jin raises his hand

“Yes Matsui?”

“Are also having extra training sessions in prep for the licensing?”

“yes we are! thank you for reminding me” Diya sensei said “For the next 2 weeks, we will be training for most of homeroom and all of weaponry. For the ones that go to other classes, will still go to them and follow their schedule. If you have a free period, you can work on your projects then if you need school resources.”

Jin then looks at us and I knew he was going to claim us 1st before anyone else does. Bold of him to think I’d go with anyone else.

“Now that we have that done, on to the other news!” he said with another smile that made us feel uneasy, “our jumpsuits and gear came in! I’ll give them out in weaponry to see if they need to be re-adjusted. Secondly, we need to discuss the incognito lesson.”

I sit there thinking that it was going to be something like how to not look obviously like a spy/agent. Nope.

“For incognito week, you have to take up a persona and run with it for a full week. You have until Wednesday to come up with your persona along with clothing, makeup and voice pattern” Diya sensei said as straight faced as possible “Rules to adhere to: MUST be opposite sex, 3 different outfits, cause some chaos and keep your stories straight.”

I raise my hand.

“Yes Palma?”

“So this is just like Ru Paul’s Drag Race but we gotta lip sync for our grade?”

“Actually yea, exactly like that. So bring your best drag everyone! If you don’t have a certain part of an outfit or uniform, ask your classmates if you can borrow their’s for the week”

I suddenly love my class so much. We get to creating our personas and in weaponry we get our costumes. Mine thankfully fit and the gear was so cool that I could hardly keep my eyes off them. We get ear pieces and voice changers that fit right on the molars. I changed mine to make my voice a believable mezzo-tenor male voice. I then remembered I still have to go to my hero class and asked if I need to give them a fair warning before I show up in full boy drag. Diya sensei basically said that he’ll tell Aizawa but I don’t have to tell the class if I don’t want to. The cause some chaos rule is a free get out of jail card for us for that week, we can do anything but physical damage to property.

-Wednesday in Homeroom-

“AHHHH! I’m so excited!” I said to Jin “I can’t wait to show y’all my drag! I got a wig and everything!”

“I got fake hair buns and brought a dress for my extras, I already have some fem features” said Jin “did you bring the makeup?”

“yee yee, can’t wait to make you look sparkly and cute!”

Mimi walks in with their stuff.

“Sorry I’m lowkey late, the upperclassman that I asked to borrow their uniform pants was running late” said Mimi out of breath.

We started class and turned in our persona sheet to sensei and then we got into full drag. Jin was one of the cutest girls, persona name: Deez Natsu. Mimi was an ok looking dude, persona name: Suka Raboski. I looked more like an edgy boy, persona name: Takeshi Tboone.

“wow takeshi, thats a choice”

“Oof Suka I can see your lace”

“Y’aint at my level dawgs!” 

We go through the rest of weaponry and walk out looking like completely different people. I get my things and sensei wishes me luck on fooling them.

-in the hero course classroom, before I arrive-

“Iida-kun, how is your brother doing?” asked Midoriya

“He’s doing better but it looks like he can’t walk”

“oh my, sorry if I brought up a sensitive topic”

“no it’s alright, you deserve to know”

Denki butt in “so Iida, are you going to ask Palma-san to a date today? Or am I going to steal your girl”

“Oh please, if you asked her out again, she’d give you another atomic wedgie but off the flag pole!” chortled Uraraka.

“tch just tell her already four eyes!” said Bakugo “I’m getting sick of hearing about her”

“I don’t think I can! I have too much on my mind already and I can’t manage a relationship on top of it all” said Iida.

“Bold of you to assume she’ll say yes” said Kirishima under his breath.

“Kirishima thats rude!” Mina said in defense.

I then walk in, with my bag slung over my shoulder, fuck boy posture and sunnies on. I had my stories in check, I copied some 2nd year’s elasticity quirk (my brother’s quirk that I can maintain for 5 hours with mastery) right before I went to class. So if anybody is gonna try me, I got me.

“Um excuse me, but who are you?” asked Shoji as I sat down.

“yea and that seat is already taken by Palma-san!” said Momo, ready to fight.

“tuh! That’s no way to treat a transfer, didn’t she tell you?” I said in my best tough guy tone.

“Palma-san didn’t say anything! where is she?! I swear if you hurt her!” said Iida in a demanding tone.

“She’s, not at school at the moment, so you’ll be dealing with me, Takeshi Tboone, American bastard.” I said as slick as I could. It was a true feat not laughing after saying bastard as your title.

“I don’t know why but he’s kinda cute” Hagakure whispered to Asui.

Aizawa sensei walked in and saw my grin and gave me the ‘i know’ look.

“forgot that was today, huh, well be kind to our transfer Tboone.” said Aizawa, also trying not to laugh.

“sensei, where’s Palma-san then?” said Jiro

“Palma-san is at the East-side hero school, on temporary transfer” Aizawa said while looking at the persona sheet I gave them the day before, “If Palma-san likes the other school better, she’ll stay there. And we’ll have Tboone-san for the rest of the remaining years until graduation.”

“why would she want to transfer? This is the top school!” exclaimed Iida.

“I see what she means by aggressive classmates, but I’m tougher!” I said “she doesn’t feel safe here dawg, she feels like everyone is after her and doesn’t like her so you better pray that she’ll crawl back here.” 

Iida started to think that he should’ve never done what he’s done to Ita and convinced himself that it’s his fault that he drove her to transfer. Class goes on and the girls are all over Takeshi, which is bad because I didn’t plan on being an ACTUAL fuck boi. I pack up my things, which are just Jin’s things and Jin has mine, and I hear the delicate tip taps of a ‘girl’ running.

“Takeshi! Here you are my sweet~” said Jin, really playing the part of Deez.

“oh sup bitch come here and give me a little sugar.” I say as I stretch my arm out to grab them by the waist and pulled them into a fake kiss.

“I love it when you kiss me in front of other girls” he said as he gives side eye to the girls of 1-A, “you hear that! HE’S MINE!” as he jumps onto me.

Everyone was in shock, not only was he new but has a girlfriend?! Who the hell was that girl anyways?! Iida gets jealous that it could’ve been him and Ita if he spoke up sooner.

“Hey Tboone-san” said Kirishima with a warm smile.

“oh sup red-san”

“hahaha! The names Kirishima” he said “glad to have you in the class! that other girl was suspicious”

“oh word dawg? bitches be crazy!”

“Yea but you seem like the super manly type! wanna sit with us at lunch?” he said pointing at Bakugo, Sero, Mina and Denki.

“sounds tight! but I did promise my girl that I’d eat with her”

“I made fried rice!” Jin said, almost breaking character because he was really proud of his fried rice.

“Oh alright, maybe tomorrow then!”

“sounds litty, Later Red-san, Pink-san, Mad-san, Pika-san and Office Supply-san” I said while being dragged away by Jin.

“dude what the fuck, this is fucking crazy!” said Jin

“I know! where the hell is Mimi?!”

“That’s where we’re going, she’s swarmed by girls!”

We get to the patio and there they were, surrounded by girls. Mimi looked like they were gonna pass out because of all the pretty ones. I stretch my arms out and picked up Mimi from the circle and ran like hell to the intelligence wing. Jin deployed a portal before the crowd got to us and we portal in a pile inside of the commons room. We laugh a bit about our little tussle then I get a text, it’s Iida,

[Hi Palma-san I didn’t see you today in class and I have to say is that, I’m sorry, really sorry that you don’t feel safe or wanted at this school]

“oof guys look” I say as I show them the text.

“yikes what are you going to tell him?” Mimi said as I get another text, also from Iida,

[I feel responsible for you wanting to transfer. I shouldn’t have forced you to do anything. What can I do fix this? A lot of us prefer you over the transfer.]

“double yikes! a double text!” Jin said with a mouthful of fried rice, then I get another text

[ I know you won’t see these texts until later, but I miss you. Please respond when you can]

Jin and Mimi are looking at me, waiting to see what kind of melodrama I am going to start.

[Iida, I know you feel bad but the truth is, I feel unliked in the hero department. Everyone is pressuring me to be a hero or leave. Can’t I just learn about your culture without being part of it? I miss you too, you’re my only true friend in that class]

“wow Ita, this week is going to be spicy” said Jin.

He was right, everyone liked Takeshi a little more than Ita and hurt a little but the week was almost over. Sunday afternoon and I was getting my outfits ready for the next 3 days and I get a text, it’s Iida,

[Hi Palma-san, sorry if this is so sudden but are you available to spend some time with me? I’m in the area]

Oh jeez what do I say to that?

[Oh sure, where do you want to meet?]

[I can meet you in front of your complex] 

[oh sure! just let me get dressed, let me know when you get here]

I quickly changed into a sun dress, did a low bun and some quick makeup to hide the fact that I partied last night with my class and woke up at 1pm.

[I am here in the front]

[ok, I’ll be right there!]

I teleport to the front and Iida looks at me like I was the most stunning thing on the street.

“Palma-san you look so pretty!” he said as he gave me a tight hug “I’ve missed you dear classmate.” 

“oh! its only been four days.”

“doesn’t matter! point is that I want to spend time with you” Iida said as he released me from his embrace “shall we get going? I saw this cozy cafe that I wanted to check out.”

“Oh I frequent that place! I love it and I think you’d like it too”

As we walk to the place, theres heavy foot traffic. Iida doesn’t have a problem walking through but I was being pushed and falling behind. I reached out to grab his shirt to not lose him in the crowd.

“hm? Oh Palma-san! I’m sorry I didn’t know you were falling behind.”

“Oh I’m alright, I didn’t want to lose you in the crowd.”

“well then, here, take my hand” he said carefully holding mine “so we don’t lose each other”

I didn’t notice but Iida was blushing hard and I was just excited to order some berry tart and a latte. We get to the place and sat at a table where I could face the window and see the people passing by. We talked about Tboone-san and he really didn’t like the guy and I just sat there trying not to laugh. Iida changes the subject,

“So Palma-san, I’ve been thinking” he said as confidently as possible “that we should be honest with each other, now that we’re close”

“um ok, what do you want to know about me?”

“What name do you prefer to be called? What’s your favorite flower? Who do you like at school?-” he kept listing questions but my gaze was over at the window. I saw the boy with the lemon colored hair with his friends pass by and the boy so happened to make eye contact with me and didn’t break it until I was out of sight.

“Ita”

“hm? what was that?” Iida asked confused

“I like to be called Ita, Itati is my full first name but it doesn’t have the ring that Ita has”

“Ita...a cute name for a cute girl” he said and I choked on my latte.

“oh jeez I’m sorry hehe, I’m just not used to compliments like that, they make me uneasy”

“Why?”

“In America, when somebody compliments you like that and the person isn’t close to you, its like a form of bullying” I say as I stare at my latte “so when I got here and I got these compliments, I feared for my life for like two weeks.”

“I had no idea! I’m sorry that I made you feel that” Iida said while chopping his hands “I’ll be more careful”

“oh its alright, I’ll adjust!”

We walk around the area a bit more then he walks me to my complex. He grips my hand a bit tighter as we approach the front.

“hey Ita”

“yeah?”

“Have you decided if you want to transfer to that school?”

“I haven’t actually” I say trying to maintain my stories, “I have until the end of classes Tuesday to say yes or no.”

“Oh I see, it’s just that, I-I” Iida struggled to find his words “I promise to be nicer to you if you come back”

“what-”

“I mean it, I made you cry when we met. What kind of friend am I if I’m the cause of your tears and insecurity?! I’ll be nice, just come back”

I start to tear up, he really thinks its his fault. I let the tears fall, fuck this is dumb. He sees me cry and he panics and stops to wipe my tears. He cradles my face in his hands, if he didn’t make it clear that he wanted to be friends, I would’ve kissed him. 

“Please don’t be sad, I promise to be sweet and kind to you from now on! I want you to feel protected and a cherished part of the school, if everyone is against you, I will be the one to be by your side. Okay?”

I cry even more, I think about how the hell am I going to break it to him that Tboone is just me in full boy drag and I’m not going anywhere. We say goodbye and I teleport in my room. Oof can’t wait for this whole thing to blow over.

-Tuesday, after school in the patio-

I was on my way to usual spot where I’ve been hiding to teleport near my house this week when I see some boys pestering somebody thats leaning against the tree. I get closer and see that it’s Kirishima and Bakugo. uh oh, time to initiate solo operation SAVE THE GAYS.

“yo yo yo! what’s the haps fellas?”

“we found these faggots being gay” said the taller boy of the bunch.

“yeah! we were about to teach them a lesson!” said the gremlin looking one.

“Oh yea? Fellas, allow me to take of this, eye sore.” I say as I put my bag down and stand in front of Kirishima and Bakugo with the other boys on either side of me.

“Tboone-san what the hell? I thought we were cool!” said Kirishima

I give a smirk as I stretch my arms out to the bullies. I give them the ass-whoopin of their life as Kirishima and Bakugo stand and stare how hard I was going. When they had enough, I grabbed them by the collar and said

“If I see any y’all pestering the gays being gays, I won’t hesitate to beat your homophobic asses and chop your dicks off and make you eat them, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”

“YES YEA PLEASE NO MORE!”

“good, I’m giving you to the count of 5 to get out of my sight before I give you another serving” I say clenching my fist as I let go of them. They scatter and run like hell before I could start counting.

“Tboone-san, that was so courageous of you.” said a still shocked Bakugo.

“That was the manliest thing I’ve ever seen! Tboone-san, how can we ever repay you?” said Kirishima.

“oh its cool dawg, I was just being a bro” I said as I was picking up my bag “see you later! your secret is safe with me.”

I walk away to my hidden spot and think, wow what a way to be remembered.

-Wednesday, in the hero course classroom-

“Hey Iida, do you think Palma-san is happy?” asked Tokoyami to a very deflated Iida as he stares at the emtpy desk. 

“I don’t know, I poured my sincerity out to her and she sounded unsure.”

“Are you going to be alright Iida-kun?” Uraraka asked worriedly “you don’t look too well.”

“I’ll manage, don’t worry about me”

Class starts and I don’t show up to class because I needed some extra training for my licensing exam. Everybody else thinks it’s because I stayed at the other school and Tboone didn’t like the school. Aizawa knew the truth but didn’t say anything. Class ends and Iida walks to the patio to sit under a tree and ponder his text to Ita.

[Hi Ita, hope your having a good day at school. I need to tell you something important, I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way back. I like you, more than a friend, I’m sorry I didn’t say it earlier. It kills me that you’re not here, I spent most of class staring at your desk hoping you’d teleport in any moment. I was too coward to admit it but it’s obvious now, I have fallen for you. You’re as rare as a desert flower, as sweet as honey, as strong as a crashing wave, as beautiful as ]

he stops typing and deletes his text. He didn’t see the point of pestering her if she already made her choice. Meanwhile Ita is on campus but preparing for her licensing in 2 days. The rest of the school day passes and Iida walks to the parking lot, and to his surprise, he sees a very weary Ita walking to their car.

“ITA! ITA!”

I turn around “who the hell tryna get they ass run over?” I mutter.

I see Iida running toward me, giving me no time to escape, I brace myself for impact. To my surprise he stops before crashing into me and gives me a tight hug.

“Where have you been?! I thought you decided to stay at the other school and I got sad.”

“Oh no! I was doing extra training for my licensing exam, its in 2 days”

“Oh my apologies, is that why you look a bit roughed up?” he said releasing me from the hug.

“yea hehe I was struggling in detonate and defuse” I said as I showed him my bandaged hands “no copy quirking for me for a while.”

He gently took my hands in his, tracing the insides of them with his thumbs.

“In two days you say? Can I have the class see you off?”

“um sure if its ok with sensei, I don’t want to take away class time from yall”

The two days pass and as we were having our luggage check. The Hero 1-A class came out to see me off.

“Do your best Palma-san! We believe in you!” said a bunch of them.

“why is your class so small?” said Kirishima.

“Intelligence course class are the smallest because of the popularity of the course” said Jin “all of us wanted to be in the program and got admitted in without having to do the entrance exam.”

“Yep, even your dear sensei considered joining” said Aizawa “but I really wanted to stick it to the man with my abilities.”

“OOOH! I love your class pet!” Mina said fawning over Zippy the lizard “I wish we had one!”

“Please Mina, with our class, that poor creature won’t survive a day!” said Midoriya.

Our bus arrived and I turn to say bye and I get a tight hug from Iida.

“Be safe Ita, do your best! I’ll miss you”

“I’m only going to be gone for a day and a half!” 

Everyone in the class was motioning Iida to kiss Ita. The kiss didn’t happen but I said my good byes and boarded the bus. The licensing happened at the USJ were we did target shooting, detonate and defuse, rescue the hero, save the citizens, and would you rather life or death edition (like would you rather but with people and guns). The class passes the exam, including Zippy, it was the 1st time in years the whole class passes according to Diya sensei. There was much to celebrate once we got back but on the way to the school, the bus breaks down. Instead of waiting for the repairs, since we were a mile away from school, we pushed the bus all the way to school. We used our quirks and strength to push the bus and everyone on that road stopped to admire our teamwork. When we got to school, we made so much noise hollering that we passed and pushed a whole bus to school, it drew alot of attention to us and anyone within earshot came out to see.

“ok ok everyone lets settle down” said a very tired Diya sensei “Miss Palma, if you teleport in, you can still make it to your hero class.”

“Oh ok are you sure yall don’t need help bringing in stuff?”

“No we have things handled, go! you have 5 mins before it starts”

“got it! Thank you!” 

-Meanwhile in the Hero 1-A classroom-

“I think Palma-san is back” said Denki walking back in the classroom “a group of students are hollering in the front of the school”

“Wonder what happened?” said Todoroki

“Her entire class passed” said Aizawa as he walked in “including the lizard.”

“That damn reptilian passed?” Bakugo said astounded “tch this licensing exam will be a piece of cake if a lizard can pass it!”

Mina raised her hand.

“We aren’t getting a class pet and train it to be a hero for the last time Mina!” said Aizawa at his wits end with the requests for a class pet. “Just because their sensei let them, doesn’t mean I will. Besides, those kids are on another level of smart, that lizard knows how to drive a small vehicle.”

As everything is happening in the classroom, I am too weak to teleport in the room so I teleport in front of the Hero wing and start booking it. As I run, I start to mentally prepare for all the questions and what stories to tell. I get distracted and I run into somebody and I fall back. Fuck I think, this is so embarrassing.

“sorry! I was in a rush! are you-” I start rush apologizing then I saw their face, it was the lemon haired boy. They we’re standing there, looking at me.

“I should be the one apologizing! You’re the one on the floor” he said extending his hand out to help me up “say, aren’t you that American student? From intelligence?”

“Um yes, how did you know?”

“I’ve heard about you and caught some glimpses of you in passing” he said “I am impressed by your accomplishments, I’d love to see you in action”

“oh uh thank you, sorry to cut this short but I have to get to class” I say as I start running again.

“Bye! I hope to talk to you again!” waved the lemon haired boy.

I start to think, he’s cute, I wouldn’t mind talking to him again but who is he? I get to the door and I walk in out of breath.

“Hi, I’m alive” I say as I do a weak spin into a dab.

“Nice track suit Palma-san” said Momo “was it custom made?”

I look at my track suit, it’s a black and orange with my last name on the butt. “oh it is custom but my sister sent this to me to pester me about my big ass” I say as I show everyone the PALMA on the butt in big lettering.

We start class and they announce their licensing exam is also coming up along with their final exams and training at an undisclosed forest campground. Lucky for me, they don’t apply to me but I still train with them when it’s class-time. I notice that Iida wasn’t talking to me or looking at me like he usually does. I wonder what happened while I was gone. Class ends and I pack my bag and think about that boy in the hallway again, can’t believe I didn’t catch his name.

“Hey Ita” said Iida softly 

“Hi, are you doing alright? You look a bit distracted.”

“I’m fine! um do you want to have lunch with me in the patio? I packed food”

“oh sure let me tell Mimi and Jin” I say as I stick my finger in my ear.

“this is Palma, contacting Oleshin and Matsui, over”

“Oleshin on the line/ Matsui on the line, over”

“Requesting a 508, repeat a 508, over”

“Permission granted/permission seconded, over”

“Thank you, have a good lunch, over”

“Wow you got ear pieces?” said Iida in awe

“Yea, we got them for in field practice but will special permission, the school lets the whole program use them to communicate with each other.”

We walk to the patio and sit under a tree. Iida takes out a fairly big tupperware container and hands it to me.

“Here, I made you a fresh treat, because you deserve it”

“oh thank you, you didn’t have to make me anything!” I said shyly

“I insist! You deserve some rest and treats for all your hard work these last few weeks” He said putting the container on my lap “I also have some fresh flowers, dark chocolates and lemon water. All just for you”

He arranges everything around me to set up a peaceful atmosphere. I open the container and I see perfectly cut cucumber, orange and mango with some lime wedges and salt shaker.

“Oh my god! It’s like I’m back home!” I say exclaimed as my mouth watered “you did your research, didn’t you Iida-san?”

“And what if I did? I just wanted to do something nice for you” he said as he closed his bag “you bring me peace during these scary times.”

“oh I see” I say as I start eating some mango “well, I’m glad that I am”

“hm? why?”

“Because, you could be out there, getting hurt again and blinded with rage and revenge. But you’re here, with me, healing yourself from the toxicity of it all.”

“I didn’t think of it that way, I just feel calmer and happier if you’re around me” 

“I feel like I exist to be that peaceful and calm for the people around me” I said reminiscing the calmer times “back home, I brought order and peace in my household. With my friends, I give love and acceptance. And honestly, I haven’t felt like that since I got here but you helped me remind myself of the one thing that defines me. Thank you Iida-san.”

“Call me Tenya”

“Ok then, Tenya, thank you for making me feel cherished and myself again”

In the distance, the Baku-squad are spying through a 2nd floor window.

“I wonder what they’re saying?” said Sero.

“Who cares?! Four eyes is finally saying his stupid feelings to Palma-san” growled Bakugo.

“They’ve been spending alot of time together lately” pondered Kirishima “Maybe I was wrong about her, she might be just a foreigner that barely made it here.”

“huh? Palma-san was still on your suspicion list?” asked Mina “she’s really nice and cool, would a spy be that willing to be friends with us?”

“I still think I can woo her to a date” muttered Denki as he leaned against the wall. 

The day ends and I get home in a happier state of mind. But the difficulty and heart twisting events are fast approaching, and I have to rise to the occasion to get through them. Not just for me, but for the ones that need me.

-End Chapter 4-

<Previous - Next>

[whatsthecraicwithvideogames]

My Definitive Ranking Of All 21 Confidants in Persona 5 (yep it’s a list you just gotta deal)

Persona 5 has some of the best characters in any game I've ever played. Over the 100 hours spent in the game, a lot of these characters are significantly fleshed out and you feel a genuine bond with them. Some not so much. So, because the world needed it so much, here is my official 100% accurate ranking of all those characters. No debate needed. This is the only ranking you will ever need. Enjoy.

21 Yuuki Mishima

Mishima seems to think that just because he figured out that you were a Phantom Thief that he is entitled a spot in your friend group.No. GET YOUR OWN FRIENDS MISHIMA. There are plenty of characters less interesting than Mishima, but none that annoyed me more. It may be completely unjustified, but I just need him out of my life. More specifically, I need him out of my hotel room in Hawaii. Go home, Mishima. No one wants you here.

20 Toranosuke Yoshida

The main issue that afflicts the majority of the people at the bottom of the list is dullness and being underdeveloped. Yoshida happens to be the former. Maybe it's just because I'm young and ignorant, but when I'm trying to save the world from its inevitable ruin, I'm not really all that interested in a disgraced politician. Call me simple minded.

19 Chihaya Mifune

Now we come to the underdeveloped. Although it must be said that Chihaya could have had an amazing storyline that I just didn't see, as her character was so one note and uninteresting that I became equally uninterested in what was going on with her and I didn't pay a whole lot of attention. So I apologize if I've missed an amazing character, but she should have made a better impression sooner.

18 Shinya Oda

I have little feelings towards Shinya. He's a little higher on the list due to his storyline being a bit sympathetic but there isn't really much to his character other than the fact that he's a kid who's good at a video game. I was invested in making sure that he got fed, but that's about as far as it goes.

17 Munehisa Iwai

I am currently holding a bit of a grudge against Iwai at the minute, as he was the only confidant I didn't manage to max out on my new game plus run, basically meaning I wasted about an extra 70 hours BUT HEY. That's not his fault. He also suffers from side character dullness, but he gets bumped up the list a bit because we had a lot of weird dates together that I'll never forget. What other game allows you to go to the planetarium and an all you can eat buffet with a yakuza member? In Persona 5, even the boring characters have something to offer. Some more than others.

16 Igor

There isn't really much to say about Igor to be honest. Of all the people on this list, he’s the one you have the least opportunity to get to know, but there's just something about him. Maybe it's his nose? Or perhaps the eyebrows? Either way, I like his style and he managed to crawl up a few spaces.

15 Haru Okumura

We arrive at another character who took a little while to grow on me. Originally I thought she was just as boring as Makoto, but at least Haru has some semblance of a personality. She's awfully sweet and her storyline is very sympathetic. She struggles under the weight of her responsibility to run a company, and is conflicted by her arranged marriage to a man she has no interest in. I felt genuinely invested in making sure she was okay and safe, even if her metaverse outfit is a bit dumb. Nobody's perfect.

14 Ichiko Ohya

If you're not familiar with Ohya, just imagine a really incompetent Jessica Jones and you're pretty much there. Meaning, she's drunk all the time. She drinks away the guilt she harbours from losing her best friend on the job, but she still remains a fierce journalist who doesn't crack under pressure and is determined to find out the truth. She just happens to smell like gin while she's doing it.

13 Sae Niijima

Sae is cool in the most normal way that you'll find in Persona 5. She's a prosecutor, working against against all odds to become the top in her field. She may have been working slightly against us in the beginning, but she was a formidable foe; working with an open mind and a level head, she eventually began to believe our stories about our time with the Phantom Thieves. Sae is rad without needing a cool outfit (@Makoto) and we should all be more like her.

12 Makoto Niijima

I'm not even going to apologise. Makoto just barely made it above her much more impressive sister, and the only reason she did is because her whole deal in the metaverse is pretty badass. However, and let me say this loud for you Makoto, just because your persona is a motorcycle, DOES. NOT. MAKE. YOU. THE BOSS. Once she joins your team, every plan comes from her, even though I am the leader of the Phantom Thieves. I have tried really quite hard to understand why everybody loves Makoto so much. I even romanced her on my second playthrough so I could get a different perspective on her. It helped nothing. I really tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, but anywhere outside of the metaverse, she is dull and boring. Number 1 Waifu she is not, I'm afraid.

11 Hifumi Togo

Before Futaba came along, I was all set to romance Hifumi. To be fair I felt she was the best of a bad bunch, but let that not detract from her good qualities. She's a shogi master (or at least she thinks she is), and yet she still struggles with something that a lot of us can identify with: she is desperately trying to live up to her mother's unachievable high expectations. All Hifumi wants is to play shogi, and when she plays shogi, she plays shogi. She's a bit crazy but we love her anyway, and there's no one else I’d rather play shogi in a church with. Now just to figure out what shogi actually is…

10 Morgana

What would a JRPG be without a resident weird humanoid animal thing? Mediocre, that's what. Morgana is an integral part to the whole structure of the game, in more ways than one. Without him, our character would have no idea about how anything works in the Metaverse. Yes, he can be literally the most irritating presence on the planet whenever I'm trying to go out and Morgana is telling me to go to bed (YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME MORGANA), but deep down I know he's doing it out of love. Sometimes I wish Morgana loved me a little less but hey, you can't pick your family.

9 Goro Akechi

Okay, look. I know what you're thinking. Akechi is a little bit problematic. I know this. But he's just so adorable before all that! That's pretty much that only reason I have for having him so far up the list. His little face in his character profile is just so cute that you can't help but love him. Also the way he yells ‘PERSONAAAAAAGHHHH’ is badass and I can't hear it enough times. I forgive the Ace Detective of all crimes he has committed.

8 Futaba Sakura

A couple of months ago, Futaba would most likely have topped my list. She was the first girl I romanced in Persona 5. I had spent the whole game waiting for someone to come along and sweep me off my (digital) feet. It was beginning to look like I was going to have to settle with Hifumi- and then Futaba came along. She was a hacker and a gamer: my perfect waifu. Her romancing scenes are very sweet and I remained enamoured with her throughout my whole playthrough. After playing new game plus that changed. I went in with the intention of romancing someone different, and boy is Futaba different without those rose tinted glasses on. Her inability to do anything on her own is, while understandable, it's frustrating at best. She's still pretty high on the list though, as I'll never forget our time together, and also she's saved me countless times during combat that she will forever be elevated to God tier in the Metaverse. I owe her a debt I can never repay.

7 Tae Takemi

I won't lie to you. A lot of Takemi’s charm and appeal lies in her character design. The idea of a cool, punk rock doctor who supplies us with our own extreme healing products is great. Even better is that she's got the attitude to match. Confident in her skills but still dating enough to go rogue and have you be her guinea pig for new medicines she's developing, Takemi is a doctor you would want as a friend, but DEFINITELY not treating you. Unless you enjoy drinking mysterious liquids and passing out for hours on end. In which case be my guest.

6 Sadayo Kawakami

Ah, Kawakami. She sure does have it rough. Teacher by day, maid by night, she's a very sympathetic character, although she may not start out that way. At first glance she just seems like your typical extremely incompetent teacher- which she is. However the deeper into her storyline you go, the more you start to understand why she is the way she is. She ends up being quite a sweet person, not to mention her skills enable you to have more of the most important resource in Persona 5: time. Coincidentally, that's the one thing it takes for her to grow on you. Just give her a couple of days, and you'll learn to love her for who she is. A hot mess.

5 Sojiro Sakura

I don't think it’s an overstatement to say that the entire plot of the game would not have happened if not for Sojiro. For some unexplained reason, he agrees take in our main character who has just been put on parole, and it's that act that eventually brings our whole crew together. Even when he discovers that he has a phantom thief right under his roof, he sticks by you and even lets you hold meetings right there in his café. He goes from standoffish jerk to ‘dad we never had’ in a beautiful transformation that is one of the best progressions of a relationship in the game. If it wasn’t for his curious combination of coffee and curry for breakfast every morning, there's no way we could have completed our rehabilitation and saved the world from ruin. Sojiro literally saved the entire world (don't question it he totally did).

4 Ann Takamaki

Of all the characters on this list, Ann is the one that surprised me the most. She's pretty, blonde and a model. In video games, TV, movies; these things tend to be a placeholder for a personality, so really I expected nothing more from Ann: and boy did she prove me wrong. She is kind, loyal and is extremely strong willed. She suffered through sexual harassment at the hands of her teacher, her best friend's attempted suicide, and the her career as a model being sabotaged by a spiteful competitor. Through it all, however, she remains a positive force on the team and one of your characters closest friends from beginning to end. We all deserve someone like Ann in our lives.

3 Yusuke Kitagawa

Yusuke is another character that I love purely because every conversation with him is golden, particularly when leveling up your relationship with him. Throughout his journey to find himself as an artist, I joined him at an art exhibit, a romantic boat ride on a lake, and I posed as our Lord and Savior himself Jesus Christ on the crucifix as a way to inspire the creativity within Yusuke. Some may say that Yusuke’s best quality is his voice, but those people simply can't appreciate what he brings to the table and I simply have no time for them. He is a rare flower and I will defend him at every given opportunity.

2 Caroline and Justine (The Wardens)

Before starting my new game plus playthrough, these girls wouldn't have even been on this list, because I had no idea that they were even confidants until my second time around. The way you level up your confidant ranking with them is by fusing personas with a certain ability, per their request. The only thing I dislike about that is that you don't get to spend as much time with them as I'd like. They are both as entertaining as they are enigmatic, and though it may seem strange to have them so high up, everytime I brought them a new persona, they stole a little bit more of my heart. By force. They demanded I give it to them. But it still counts all the same.

1 Ryuji Sakamoto

I don't care what anyone says, this game would not be half as interesting or funny without Ryuji in it. There are a lot of people who would probably put Ryuji last on this list, due to his loud nature and penchant for yelling in public about how you and all your friends are the Phantom Thieves. But that's all part of his charm! Ryuji owes a lot of his likeability to his voice actor, Max Mittelman, as he somehow manages to be comically over the top while still remaining believable for his character. There are multiple times during the game where you'll have to pick who to hang out with at certain story moments, with the intention really being that you hang out with the girl you're romancing, but every single time I chose Ryuji. Every situation with him is comedy gold. Ryuji will forever be my number 1, and nobody will ever change my mind on that.

[cloudbattrolls]

Flawed Design

The three swarms stared down the monopoly board. As usual, Inshii held the most money and properties, and Gallen and Rhyssa had teamed up to try to break their sibling’s usual inevitable stranglehold on victory. It had only been seventy sweeps or so since they’d played; no reason to get rusty. 

“I swear you cheat.” Accused Rhyssa, rolling the dice and moving her little imperial spaceship along a few spaces. “I dunno how, but I’d swear on a stack of clowns’ holy texts you do.”

Inshii rolled their eyes. “I’d love to know how to effectively cheat at monopoly so I could end the game sooner, eliminating your complaints entirely.”

The wasps settled around the board buzzed in annoyance as Rhyssa pouted and folded her arms.

“Why, Shii, I’d swear ya didn’t like playing with your sibs! How dare you.”

‘Very hurtful.’ Signed Gallen, with a smirk on his face.

“You know what was hurtful? Mother’s punishment after the second worm got away.” The butterfly said sharply, and the other two paused, the wasps going still. 

They stood up, butterflies swirling around them as all their eyes, troll and insect, stared at Gallen and Rhyssa.

“She blamed me. She thought I helped them escape because I brought them hive to recover - as if staying down in that wretched place would have helped. As if her own treatment of them was doing any good. She nearly slipped one of her flukes after ripping me apart, and I had to beg her not to.” They said, tone deeply irritated. 

The loose butterflies settled on their chair, but still flapped their wings, antennae twitching. 

“The extra blood isn’t helping. She’s still losing her mind, can’t remember who I am half the time or why I’ve come. I think it’s time we accept the inevitable.”

Rhyssa gasped in shock, putting a hand to her mouth. Gallen frowned.

“How could you?” said Rhyssa, hurt. “It’s not her fault, she’s just old. What…what d’ya even mean, ‘accept the inevitable’?”

‘I think Inshii is recommending something more drastic.’ Gallen signed, expression displeased.

“I am saying we need to make her a new body.” said the false violet, voice returned to its usual coolness.

“The second worm’s existence proves it can be done. We know now they are merely the modified version of Lleios, robbed of memory, with a troll form they regenerate automatically. Their ancestor’s notes still exist; my research has confirmed the caverns are currently working with them, though they’ve had little progress since they lost their prize specimen.”

Rhyssa and Gallen both looked confused. Inshii sighed as their fins fluttered, a well-worn sigh cultivated over millennia of dealing with their ignorant family members.

“If either of you ever paid any attention to troll science…regardless, it’s possible, though it will take time and resources and likely several tests. I’ll handle it. All you two need to do is track down Tuuya.”

“Why?” retorted Rhyssa, both hurt and resentful. “So they can yell at me again? It was no fun the first time! I’m tired of dealing with their hooey. Bad enough I got the DeVilles bein’ all foul-tempered too! At least Klirro skedaddled off somewhere, good riddance.” 

She made a dismissive hand gesture, and several wasps flicked their wings.

Inshii’s eyebrows raised and several butterflies flew over to look at Rhyssa more closely. Gallen watched all this with interest, some isopods quietly robbing his sibling of several hundred-caeger bills while neither of the others was paying attention.

“Did she give any reason why?”

Rhyssa shook her head, several wasps looking at each other as she shrugged her shoulders. “I really dunno, she was the only one not complainin’, though she was so damn kooky she was still a pain. Terrors are stupid, I dunno why folks are so scared of ‘em. Doesn’t seem like she told her coven she was leavin’ either, I tried askin’. They don’t wanna tell me a thing anyway, but I’m willin’ to bet they were as muddled as I was from how they acted.”

The butterfly swarm looked thoughtful.

“Interesting…very well. Rhyssa, you track down Klirro. Gallen, you find Tuuya. See if mother knows any places they might be hiding. She’s seen their memories, so it’s possible.”

‘If I find them, what are you going to do with them?’ asked the isopod swarm, expression neutral.

Inshii raised their eyebrows.

“Why do you care?”

‘I want to know.’ He signed, gestures firm and insistent.

“We need them out of the way, Gallen.” Inshii said with a touch of impatience. “Make sure they don’t do something stupid like come to get revenge. They blame Rhyssa for what happened to their limeblood, in case you’ve forgotten. I doubt they’re going to let that go.”

There was a long silence.

“You want Gal to kill ‘em?” Rhyssa said in a wavery voice. “But…”

Inshii folded their arms, face not brooking any argument.

“Do you want them to try to kill us? Tuuya is smarter than the pair of you, and if anyone could figure out a way to neutralize our eggshells, it would be them. Yes, it’s very, very unlikely. No, I’m not taking the chance. Unlike you two, I do not leave loose ends.”

Gallen looked at the wasps, who stared back, utterly still. Rhyssa turned her head away from the game and her siblings, shoulders hunched.

After a pause, the large false cerulean finally nodded.

‘Do you want me to kill them myself, or bring them to you?’ 

Inshii waved a hand.

“I don’t care what you do, I trust you to get it done properly on your own. Do yourself a favor and try to kill them quietly, so their social group doesn’t find out it was you. Some of them are quite dangerous, for trolls.”

Their brother nodded. 

Inshii’s lips twitched in the ghost of a smile.

“Now that that’s settled, let’s get back to playing.”

Rhyssa got up and left, slamming the door to Inshii’s respiteblock behind her. The false seadweller put a hand to their hearing aids in irritation as static whined through them from the din. 

“Why she’s giving me grief when she’s still mad at them for yelling at her, I’ll never understand.” Muttered the rainbowdrinker in annoyance. 

“She knows what their ancestor did now, how they came to be. Why does she care if they die? They rebuffed her attempts to be friendly, you’d think she’d give up if she had any sense.”

Gallen said nothing. Inshii still hadn’t noticed that he’d stolen monopoly money from them. Inshii hadn’t noticed, or hadn’t cared, that Rhyssa had been fit to sting them when they’d mentioned killing Tuuya, and only his small parts tugging on hers had held her back. 

His older sibling was smart - had always been the smartest of them, aside from Lleios. Ever since he’d hatched, Gallen had trusted them to lead him and the others.

He silently prayed to the messiahs for guidance as he began to clean up the monopoly game, Inshii walking away from it without a care.

He could only hope he was going to do the right thing.

[ciestessde]

Chapter 23

The first sign that things were going wrong…

It was just meant to be some harmless jokes. … Toward the As. Just the As… Friendly teasing, and nothing more.

[Beginning]

My friends there… They felt a bit awkward about it -- but it wasn't a completely unheard-of thing. Friends teased each other all the time! Just… I did it more than most people in that world did. "But hey!" I think they told themselves, "She's an interdimensional being! A dimensional traveler! That's about as 'foreign' as it gets!" So they wrote it off. My angelic aura probably helped with that, too. Eventually, they warmed up to my "sense of humor."

Despite the fact that ALL of my teasing was aimed at the As…!

And even the As themselves joined in on the joking. Such was their trust. And if even the As were joining in, how was anyone supposed to suspect anything was wrong? No one was asking for the teasing to stop, so surely everything was fine. And I was a being "of great wisdom," too! So how could there be anything wrong?

It was unintentional. But still. I was stubborn. I wanted to be right -- I wanted Mentor to be wrong! SO badly!

I… didn't notice the change consciously. But somewhere along the way, the As' and Bs' teasing and joking… the small annoyances and the "friendly" acts of revenge against each other… … They changed. Ever so slowly, it all changed into genuine spite and distaste toward one another…!

And, y'know… Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, this development.

I could have gone up there. Absorbed the demonic energy. Regained my senses -- And fixed the problem. Just like that!

-Except…

I didn't keep going up there. -Except, I didn't FEEL "hungry," so I didn't try to absorb it all. -Except these "friends." The ones I spent the most time with -- who suffered from my hunger the most… They were that very same group of "World Leadership."

.

In other words, that "Demonic Energy Flame"...? Began in the WORST.

POSSIBLE!

Spot.

And the thing about spirit hunger is, if you're hungry long enough- -you don't feel it anymore.

Now, that's not as true for physical hunger. The comparison, between spirit and physical "hunger," isn't perfect. But, hopefully, you've had a similar experience to what I mean: After a nice meal earlier in the day, you're finally ready for another one. Your stomach is growling, maybe you're craving something in particular, but, for whatever reason, you don't eat. Then, maybe an hour, maybe half an hour later, you aren't hungry anymore.

But with physical hunger, if you give it another hour or two, the hunger comes back even stronger.

Not so with spirit hunger. At least, not mine.

Granted, my spirit will still be craving "food." But it'll stop sending those signals that tell me I'm "hungry."

Instead, it starts making "food" on its own. I haven't listened, or there isn't anything available. So my spirit "takes things into its own hands," so-to-speak. In Illunira, this wasn't a big deal. For one thing, we always had "food" available. The Dead Ones and other lower-leaders made sure of that! But also, even if I did start a Demonic Energy Flame, there were other demon-eaters who could "eat" it. Or, if it was really bad, an angel-eater could just start a rival Angelic Energy Flame to combat it! And yet, even back in Illunira, the Balancers' Flames were so feared that the Dead Ones made certain every balancer was trained from childhood to avoid setting one!

So you'd think I'd have been more careful, huh? But again, I'd never set one before. I'd never even seen one set! I had NO IDEA what it was like! I mean. I knew what it was like. But only in theory!

And ignoring my hunger, in favor of enjoying the paradise, -the friends, -the, just… beauty around me?

It was all too easy.

…

On some level, I noticed what was happening. Of course I did. But I avoided the issue as much as possible.

One of my favorite pastimes on Scarring was carving statues out of some of the benign plants there. It's probably easiest if you think of these plants like trees. This hobby was something I carried over from the First Nav, I think. But instead of furniture (though I made some of that too), I mostly carved animals, or ambiguous shapes and patterns. Trying not to degrade the plant or leave poison on the end product added an extra layer of difficulty, too.

This let me spend a large portion of my time alone.

Or with random strangers that would just pass by, then leave.

But if I wasn't alone carving- -then I was talking with my… friends.

These meetings started off fine. The earlier ones usually involved a brief: "Hey, we need some more food." "Okay. Oh, and we could use some extra hands." "Sure thing." Followed by more personal, friendly conversations on upcoming holidays, family happenings, funny stories…

As time passed, more and more of the discussions would focus on resources: who needed them more, who used them better, "I thought you said we could have as much as we wanted?" … But they'd agree. Eventually. And everything would lighten up afterwards. They'd tell funny stories. Joke about each others' stories. … Joke about each other.

It was so subtle. But the personal part of the meet-ups fell away. Or, rather, as the discussions became debates, and then the debates became arguments, the line between the personal and otherwise became irrelevant. And as the meetings became less and less pleasant, they also became less and less frequent. They started settling things through messengers instead.

And as I went longer and longer periods of time without those -- unconscious though they were -- "meals," the Flame I'd stoke in their spirits became more and more intense. It would last longer, spreading to more and more people. Until…

…

If I'd paid attention, maybe I'd have gotten "full" enough to come to my senses sooner.

I'm not sure exactly how it spread so far, but I have a few theories. Maybe the members of the World Leadership socialised with many other people. Or someone they knew did. Either way, by the time I'd reached "adulthood," the Demonic Energy Flame had spread so far, and was so intense, that the previously perfectly balanced and loving community of Scarring… fell apart.

The Bs felt the As were taking advantage of them; that, with the technology that had been built, more As should have volunteered to work in maintaining the environmental divide. Some even thought the Bs deserved- … Thought the Bs were superior. And the As… They believed, since the Bs could survive in the benign environment, that there was no reason to keep the poisonous one around. That it was just an unnecessary threat.

There were also some who the Flame… For some people, it manifested differently. Some people who… took it out on themselves. Thankfully, it wasn't… as many. Or things may never have stopped. 'Cause I would never have noticed. And would never have gotten "full."

Eventually, there was only one thing both the As and Bs agreed on. And my friends, the World Leadership, they… Well, of course they wanted to restore peace. To calm everyone. They'd have done anything if it meant even a temporary truce.

So…

…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

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[you-are-worth-the-wait]

hey Love.  i know yesterday was a lot to take in.  i know at one point you got defensive into thinking that i was somehow judging your actions and making you think about the would/could/should haves or the past.  it wasn’t that.  i know that everything that you were doing, you had the best intensions at heart.  what i meant was, now that you are actually seeing things from a different perspective and seeing how at the time, you weren’t necessarily aware of how your actions may have been perceived, but now, you now have that moment where you can look back in retropsect and see it from a different point of view, to kind of rethink now what it is that you are doing, so you could possibly make some changes moving forward.  that was my intent of pointing out how things may have been perceived in the past.  not so much as to say “this is what you did wrong” and make you feel bad about what you did.  you didn’t know it at the time that it was possible that even though with the best of intentions, you didn’t realize at the time that you were possibly doing more harm than good.  and now, knowing what you do now, to take that time reflect on what you think, are feeling, and are now seeing things as they are as well, and deciding what to do moving forward.  

i really am sorry that what he said pretty much undermines you and everything that you’ve been doing up till now.  i was miffed by how he kind of belittled you and thought about how you seemed “weak” just because you needed that “extra help” in order to cope and keep things together.  i dont understand why he can’t see that what he is doing and putting you through id the very reason why you need that extra help.  and if you aren’t going to get that support from him, of course you’ll seek it from somewhere else.  it’s almost as if you run into a burning building, sacrifice yourself, to help, and save someone.  you get them out with cuts and wounds on yourself, you are lying down outside near close to death, only to have the person you saved look down at you and say, “i was in a burning building and you couldn’t think to bring me a glass of water since it was so hot in there”, and walk away.  it’s like he’s not seeing the effort you are putting in and what effort he doe recognizes, he belittles and almost says it’s pathetic and useless.  that kinda got me.  like i said, he’s got everything and all the chances, resources, and the ability to change...and he’s just wasting and screwing it up.  yes, you are partly at fault, but no...you do not deserve this.  not to this extent Love.  no one does.  i mean, why stay there when he clearly does not respect you, your actions, your words, your effort, and everything.  do you really think that this is what people want for you?  is this what you want for yourself?  he may see you this way now and possibly forever and you may have certain ideas of what you perceive yoruself as.  but all this self deprecating, negative views, and destructive thoughts about yourself, they aren’t true.  that’s not the real you Love.  don’t let someone’s misguided and tained views of you change the person you know and believe yourself to be.  you aren’t those things.  you aren’t the person he paints you to be.  don’t let and enable him to destroy who you are.  

as of right now, the way i see it, you are the one who is in control at this point.  as much as he puts you down and belittles your efforts, as much as you may think you are deserving of this ridiculousness and nonsense, as hopeless, helpless, and defeated as you may feel...you still are the person who controls how this situation continues and plays out.  i don’t mean to sound all preachy and like a broken record.  i just feel that you need someone to let you know that what he says, how he sees you, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about things...those are not the only views and perceptions that makes any of what you think and feel to be true about yourself.  he sees you as “sloppy seconds”.  you see yourself as damaged goods.  me...i see you as a person who’s trying their best is a crappy situation and really is almost in a “you against the world” type of thing...but it’s not.  i’m by your side.  i see what it is that you are doing.  even if it goes against everything i’d want to happen because if this works, i end up losing you, but i still understand and know why it is that you are doing this.  how messed up is it that the person you are doing all this for can’t even appreciate you, your efforts, and doesn’t trust or respects you.  and the one who does understand what you are doing and is supporting you, is the one who ends up getting hurt and losing you, all because they believe in what you are doing.  that’s where i’m coing from.  and that is why instead of being hurt by anger, i’m hurt because i’m sad and lost.  the very thing i’m trying to do in supporting you is the very thing that i can be doing to increase my chances of losing you.  but i do it because i don’t know how to stop caring for you.  i can’t stand to see you hurt and suffering.  so i support, encourage you, in the hopes you see who truly is watching out for your best interest and well being, and i don’t really ask for anything in return.  i just hope that some day, sooner than later, you just realize the “reality” of everything...*sigh*

i do hope you find some clarity and guidance when you have/had your session.  i’m not really going to guess the outcome anymore.  i end up falling into the destructive pattern of getting hurt every time i think something should be one way or another and i continue to see you sad and hurting.  it’s why i have a ery difficult time moving on and finding “someone”.  it’s because i care so much for you.  but on the off chance that i do meet someone who i feel gives me the best chance of finding happiness, moving on, and helps to ease the hurt i feel wheni think about you...i am going to give it a chance.  it’s because i don’t want to go through my life hurting because my mind is so preoccpied with the thought of you hurting there.  that’s why with the way things are now, yes, i think we both know that none of what i have with anyone at the moment seems real or is a possibility because they challenge, interest, or stimulate me the way you do, in every aspect and component of a relationship.  but it is the lesser of two evils for me at the moment because i really am messed up when all i do is think about, care, and worry about you.  yes, they are temporary stop gaps, and yeah, maybe i am better off having “friends with benefits” at the moment only because i still believe that you and i are meant/will be together.  hopefully sooner than later and then i can stop going from person to person trying to fill this empty void that i know exactly what i need to fill it.  but in the mean time, if i need to still go from person to person, trying to find someone who could possibly replace you just so i can move on, i guess that’s what i’m resigned to do.  i told you, i’m not doing this because i want to.  i’m doing this because i kind of have to.  and although i get these weird and entertaining stories, it kinda sucks.  because all this time i’m doing this, i feel i could be experiencing things and creating memories and stories with you.  

guess this a weird and as good as any point to stop with this.  try to have a “good” day and weekend.  and i hope your session helps to shed some light and gives you some kind of clarity.  i’ll keep my fingers crossed that the session does help you for the positive, gives you strength to make the tough decisions you’ll have to make, and for myself and my “selfish” reasons.  i don’t enjoy seeing you suffering and failing but we both know that that’s what needs to happen for you to be with me.  i only hope that you see that i understand and appreciate the sacfrice and effort you are making/doing and can only hope you think i’m worth it.

[onebrownwoman]

Lesson #23: I have depression.

October was National Depression Education & Awareness Month which has me thinking about my own journey to naming, accepting and treating my depression. Yeah, it’s November. It took me a while to pen this one, so here we are.

It was years into my own therapy when I was finally ready to see that I needed medication. It was right after a job interview. I’d been in hysterics before and after, triggered by some daily occurance - a comment from my partner, the delay of my train. I still feel so much shame about how terrible of a human I must have been to be around. I was in so much pain and I was hiding it from so many people. So I set up this emergency session with my therapist for that afternoon and I told her I’m ready to explore the medication option. 

Even now I feel this resentment that my therapist didn’t push me towards meds sooner. Couldn’t she see what a state I was in? How could she let me wait so long? But of course she’d suggested them, time and time again. When you aren’t ready you aren’t ready. And I’d dug my heels in for so long about not needing meds. To me, meds was just the ultimate admission of guilt and failure. I was a wrong sort of person if I was on meds. 

And then one day I just couldn’t stand being so miserable and I couldn’t be in denial anymore. I finally believed I deserved to live a better life.

You know what’s funny? Even then, what I thought would happen is I’d go to a psychiatrist and get some sort of anxiety medication. I was anxious, not depressed, right? 

And then I went to therapy and mentioned meds and she said - oh wonderful you’re going on anti depressants. And I genuinely had to ask her, why are you talking about anti-depressents like I’m depressed?

Denial is real, folks. Because now of course it is so obvious to me when I look back how depressed I’d been for so long. And it wasn’t like the commercials with the bouncy sad face bobbing along the rainy streets. It was constant misery and constant nothingness and constant meltdown.

I hated the idea of having to see a psychiatrist. But it’s true what they say - when the student is ready the teacher appears.

Dr. Hariprasad was this doctor that I was expecting to bombard me with Freudian questions and poo-poo at my talk-therapy practice. But he had a holistic approach to mental health which he and I talked about for a bit.

He said - you know Nina, it’s very clear from your questionnaire and our conversation that you’re suffering from anxiety and depression. Anxiety is the thing that makes you so focused on the future you move away from the present. And of course, depression is the thing that has you so focused on the past that you can’t be in the now.

What. The. Fuck.

He reminded me I wasn’t signing up for a magic pill. You’ve still got to do other things - meditation, yoga, whatever helps you feel centered. You can’t expect a pill to do all the work for you. But it will help. It will help your brain set you up for the possbility of feeling better. Because you have tried so many things to feel better and it isn’t your fault that you don’t - you need a bit of extra help here.

I cried and cried. I felt so much relief and felt so much like a failure. Why, why, why had I waited so long to come here? Why was it so hard to accept how miserable I was? Why did it feel so bad to ask for help in this way? But also - why wasn’t it a magical pill?

“What does it feel like?” I asked. “Will I feel nothing? Will I feel numb? Will I seem stoned all the time?”

He smiled. “You do have a lot of preconceived notions about medication, don’t you?” He walked me through the side effects.

“Do you wear glasses?”

“Yup and contacts. Since 7th grade,” I said.

“You remember when you get a new prescription and you wear those new glasses? You thought you were seeing everything so clearly but then you get your new glasses and you’re like oh man, I can see every leaf and every letter so much more clearly than I ever thought. How did I think I was seeing anything before?”

“Yes. It’s brilliant.”

“It’s like that, a bit,” he said.

And it was.

==== Six weeks later, I return for a follow up appointment. You seem lighter, he says.

“I feel lighter. I feel crazy for saying I feel lighter but I feel lighter.”

“What do you notice,” he asks.

“I heard birds this morning. I haven’t noticed birds in five years.”

He nods, understandingly. “Yes. It’s not a coincidence.”

To those of you who do not understand what it is to be treated for depression, you cannot understand what it is to have the life vest helping you float along the vastness of the ocean. It was not a magic pill but it WAS magical. There was a sense of hope and acceptance I had not felt in so long.

It had a price. I could no longer tolerate the things that continued to make me feel miserable. I was accutely aware of those things - the things that still made me feel utterly sad and upset. I left my job and started a new one. I shifted relationships with people. 

And although our relationship improved, I eventually left my partner. 

Meds give me strength. Meds keep me steady. Meds let me act upon all the things I’ve learned and experienced about depression and anxiety. 

I didn’t become happy all the time. I didn’t stop struggling. I didn’t stop having anxiety. I didn’t stop feeling depressed. I didn’t stop wanting to eat a bag of cheetos and watch 15 hours of television in a day with the curtains closed. 

But I had the strength to make different choices, to deal with that numbness differently. 

It strengthened my therapy practice too. I could take what I’d learned from therapy and actually apply it to my life. I could process without becoming completely exhausted from doing so. I could cry about one thing without it slipping seamlessly into crying about everything, all at once. 

I understand now what folks who struggle with their mental health deal with about the stigma of medication. How it’s portrayed in the media. I’ve seen the looks on people’s faces, the curiosity and skepticism. I’ve answered questions about how the pills don’t make me feel happy all the time. They aren’t a cop out for not being able to handle things on my own. I may be part of prozac nation or a western culture obsessed with medication, but it was still the absolute best choice for me and I’m grateful I had the means and the resources to get on meds. 

Dr Hariprasad left to start his own practice a few months later. I think of him asking me about the garden surrounding his office.

“So beautiful! There’s so much greenery. I didn’t notice the garden last time - it’s new right? There are these pretty pink flowers you have growing right outside your window, see?”

“Ah yes. Nina, the garden’s been there the whole time. You weren’t able to notice it.” 

“Oh,” I say, tearing up. “New glasses,” I say.

“New glasses,” he repeats.

I still feel shame that I couldn’t name my depression sooner. How many people’s lives I have strained as a result of not being able to manage my mental health. But there it is. It’s still not in me to forgive myself and that’s my own work to do, years later. But I have made strides - I did find the help I needed. I could finally accept that it’s ok that talk therapy and meditation and journaling weren’t enough.

To you reader who maybe wonders if it's ok to explore options for treating your depression, I say to you - It’s ok that you weren’t able to conquer this the way you envisioned, on your own, on some island. It’s ok to get the help you need to treat your mental health. 

It’s ok. It really was. It really is. 

[hablo-leo-escribo]

Hey everyone! I’m a current year 13 student preparing for my first year of university so I thought I’d ask my friends for any tips for new year 12s and put together a post with all our advice for anyone going into sixth form this year. Some of the tips (eg about UCAS etc) might be helpful to year 12s going into year 13 as well 😊 I’ve seen a few of these posts floating around but they were very US-centric, so I thought I’d make one specific to the UK education system in the hope that that can help some people.

NB: I went to sixth form at my previous secondary school, so it’s possible that some of these tips will be slightly different from the experience you get from an independent sixth form college, but it may still be helpful. I took AS and A2 levels in French, Spanish and Music, and a linear two-year A level in English Literature, as well as EPQ. I’m aware that specifications are always changing, but if anyone needs any specific help with those subjects feel free to message me 😊

Choosing your subjects

Yes, it’s probably too late for this if you’ve already got to the end of year 11, but during September of year 12 there’s usually some degree of finding your feet and it shouldn’t be impossible to change your subjects if you suddenly realise you’ve made a horrible mistake.

Pick subjects you like and/or have a reason for studying. A levels are tough, so if you go in with a passion for a particular subject, a will to learn something new, or a specific goal in mind (eg getting onto a particular career path), motivation will come more easily.

Having said that, it doesn’t matter how much you like a subject, around April-May of year 13 you will still find yourself, at least once, crying on the floor of your bedroom, surrounded by empty chocolate wrappers and dense piles of revision notes, wondering why you didn’t just run away to sea to be a pirate when you had the chance. It’s a normal part of sixth form life. Just let it happen, and keep going.

If you’re one of those people who always cracks under the pressure of exams, you might want to consider taking creative subjects. A couple of my friends only took subjects like art, photography and textiles which were almost entirely coursework-based. Equally, if you hate ongoing projects and would prefer an exam-assessed course, those are ones to avoid!

Choose your subjects wisely and don’t chop and change too much. When you pick these subjects you’re going to be stuck with them for the next two years. If you realise you’ve made a mistake your school may allow you to switch, but do that as early as you possibly can so you don’t miss too much curriculum. I would say October of year 12 is the absolute latest you should be trying to switch your subjects.

Similarly, if you aren’t a certified mega-genius, don’t take more than three A levels. I did and Oh Boy did I regret it. It severely restricts your time and puts you under a lot of stress, plus you generally only need three subjects to get into uni. If you’re really keen to have an extra on top of your three, consider taking EPQ if your school offers it.

Lessons

Try to have a good relationship with your teachers, they’re your most valuable resource. Depending on what subjects you’re taking and how big your sixth form is, you might end up with quite small class sizes (my biggest AS class had 15 students, which was the same size as my smallest GCSE class). So you’ll get to know your classmates and teacher better, but equally, lessons will be more painful if you don’t get on with the teacher.

Do wider reading for your classes whenever you can. This particularly applies to subjects like English, but it can help boost your understanding and enjoyment of any subject – especially if you’re thinking of going on to do it at university.

If you have to give presentations in class and you’re not a fan of public speaking (let’s be real, who is?), always prepare a handout. That will save your audience’s wrists from speedy note-taking, but it will also give them something to focus on so they won’t just be staring at you, which will probably make you feel less self-conscious.

Learning to reference books and articles properly is probably one of the most useful skills I’ve picked up in the whole two years, it’s worth spending some time on.

Coursework/EPQ/other large, ongoing projects: start working early and plan out your time. I cannot stress this enough. Break down your task into chunks, eg for EPQ that could take the form of planning, researching, drafting, refining and presenting your findings. Then give yourself a deadline for each of those and stick to it!

Start a groupchat for each of your classes! You can help each other with queries, plan revision sessions, stress together the night before an important deadline and just get to know each other better.

Organise your goddamn folders and try not to lose them? You’d be surprised how common this was in my sixth form. Keep it in your locker if it’s not in your bag or at home, don’t just leave it lying around your common room or study area – especially if you’ve got a common design of folder, like a generic black ringbinder.

Make notes as soon as you learn something. Taking notes in class is the best way – they don’t have to be beautiful (you could write them out again later as a form of revision, with lots of colour to help you remember things), you just have to get the info down on paper.

If you don’t understand something, keep emailing the teacher until they help you.

Exams

Don’t be afraid of taking a new specification. It is scary to be the first or second year group ever to take a certain exam but you’re not alone, students across the country will be in the same situation. Even if your exam board seems useless or impossible, your teachers are qualified to prepare you for it, I promise. I found the lack of past papers and example material to be the hardest part, but in that situation you just have to improvise. See if you can pinch and adapt a similar essay question from a different exam board, for example.

Revision is horrible but it has to be done. If you study as you’re going along throughout the year (eg reviewing all your class notes at the end of the week) it will seem like less of a chore.

Find fun ways to revise, that work for you! Lots of people swear by flashcards as you can put bitesize chunks of information down and just whip them out to go through whenever you have a spare 5 minutes. You could record yourself reading your notes and make your own revision podcasts to listen to just before bed, make giant revision posters… One of my friends even got some glass pens so she could write on the door of the shower!

Switch up your environment and go for walks between revision to help clear your head.

If you can find it online, print off the specification for the course you’re doing and use it as a checklist so that you know exactly what you need to know.

Exam technique is almost as important as the actual information you need to know. Get as familiar as possible with the different types of questions you’ll have to answer, how this will be marked and what weighting of the final grade it carries.

It’s a long way off for you guys, but for any current year 12s reading this: use the summer between 12 and 13 wisely. Make revision notes for the topics you covered in the past year. You don’t have to spend heaps of time on it, the trick is to keep reviewing the information in little bites so when study leave rolls around next year you won’t feel like you’re drowning in stuff you don’t know.

I probably don’t need to say this, but don’t start watching a series during exam time...

Time management

Don’t pull all-nighters, it’s never worth it. If you’re in the sort of position where you feel you need to pull an all-nighter to get your work done, there’s something wrong with your workload or your time management. Speak to someone for help with whichever of these it is.

Don’t do what one of my mates did, which is develop an unhealthy dependence on coffee and Red Bull. If you’re relying on caffeine to get you through the day, you are not getting enough sleep.

Use your free periods wisely for the love of God. When exam time rolls around you will regret every hour spent napping in the common room or dicking about on Snapchat instead of working, trust me. Time out is important, but save it for your lunch break.

Don’t make a habit of skipping school. You know when you need to take time out and when you could probably push on and keep going. 100% attendance is not necessary to pass a course, but remember that you can’t learn shit when you’re not actually there.

Know when your deadlines are. Double and triple check them and write them everywhere. When you get into your UCAS application this will be particularly important because you can’t just beg for an extension – if you miss it, you miss it. Get into the habit of doing things sooner, rather than later.

You could try setting your own deadline 3 days before the real thing so that you’ll work to get it done with time to spare. That way you’re prepared for any unexpectedly time-consuming tasks.

CV-building

You may not feel that you have a whole lot of free time with your workload, but it’s important that you put aside some time (particularly during year 12, before things get really intense the following year) to do some good old Character Building so that when it comes to personal statement time, your only hobbies aren’t watching Netflix and refreshing tumblr. This could take the form of learning a new skill – a language, musical instrument, coding, whatever – outside of school hours.

Volunteering also looks good to employers and universities, particularly to those who (like me) don’t have time for a part-time job. You can show you’ve had a position of responsibility and given back to the community as well.

Extra curriculars are worth it. Completely aside from being good for your CV and your personal statement, they’re also loads of fun and when you’re in sixth form you get loads of opportunities that the lower school just doesn’t get, running clubs and bands as well as just participating. As a sixth former I’ve done conducting, stage managing, and played in the orchestra of my school’s musical, but you could get into sports, art, drama, whatever you like.

Your school will probably grant you a week off at the end of year 12 for work experience – use it well! Try to get involved with something that’s as closely connected with your chosen area of further study or employment as possible, or if you can’t do that, try and turn whatever you end up with to your advantage. I was looking for language-related work experience but ended up in insurance, so the whole week I was there I specifically asked for tasks relating to the company’s international relations.

Any language students interested in work experience abroad, have a look at this website. They organise work experience for you in France, Spain, Germany or Italy - I went during year 12 and it was amazing.

It’s not essential to get a part-time or Saturday job, especially if it’s going to interfere with your studies, but I would advise finding a way of gaining at least some financial independence from your parents. Personally I picked up money by tutoring younger students, babysitting and feeding my neighbours’ cats on a freelance basis. It’s just something you can put on your CV and helps you gain experience of budgeting for yourself, which will all be useful when you leave home.

Applying to uni

When it comes to applying to uni, take it seriously and start early. Do your research and talk to current students wherever you can, try and get an honest opinion.

It’s not necessary to go carting off around the country to visit every university you even consider applying to – this gets expensive and time-consuming after a while! Some universities host virtual open days, and most are represented at UCAS fairs and events – there are other ways to get the *feel* of a place.

Send your personal statement to EVERYONE. I’m not kidding. I showed mine to my parents, my aunt, my subject teachers, my next door neighbours, my school’s UCAS adviser, my best friends, my cousins, my head teacher… It all helps you get the best draft together. That said, remember that everyone’s opinions on these things is going to be different and above all, it has to be a *personal* statement – don’t put in anything that you’re not happy with.

Equally, don’t write down stuff that you can’t stand behind! If you say you’ve read a particular book, make sure you’ve actually read it!

Uni interviews are scary, I won’t lie to you, but don’t let that put you off from applying to the big-name universities or competitive courses. If your grades are good enough and you have a passion to want to go there, you should go for it! If you want to know what it’s like to go through the Oxbridge interview process, go ahead and send me an ask 😊

Stress busting

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether you’re struggling with something academically or need help with your workload, or if it’s a personal problem like mental health, there will be someone who can empathise and help you. They want to encourage your independence, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with everything on your own.

No matter how stressful A levels may seem, remember that all you can do is try your best, and that’s all anyone can ask of you. There is no point in working yourself to death for A*s if it’s going to make you miserable.

It’s okay to put your mental health first, take some days out here and there to decompress, and practise self-care. I’m not saying skip school whenever you feel like it, but don’t wait to burn out before you let yourself take a break, or you’ll make yourself ill.

Eat breakfast and get a good night’s sleep. Just look after yourself. Don’t sacrifice your basic wellbeing in favour of good results, no grade is worth it.

Talk to your friends about how you’re feeling and share the stress. My friend group all send pics of our pets to the groupchat whenever someone’s feeling particularly down or stressed, just as a little way of cheering that person up. Be there for each other and work through stuff together.

General stuff

If you have a locker, use it. If not, try to minimise the amount of stuff you have to carry around on a daily basis. You can’t lug four bulging lever arch files around school every day without damaging your back.

Don’t be that one person who’s always borrowing pens, paper or lunch money from other people. Just don’t. Take responsibility for having your own supplies.

If you’re on studyblr already then I’m sure I don’t need to say this, but get a planner. It may just be a coincidence, but I’ve found that my friends who have a physical planner or bullet journal where they can write down their tasks have all turned out more organised than those of my friends who chose to use the apps on their phone instead.

Keep your study area orderly and organised. Tidy room = tidy mind. If you’re someone who really struggles with this (I personally can’t keep my room clear for longer than about 3 days at a time!), consider studying out of the house, at the library or somewhere similar.

Your performance in year 12 can and will affect your uni predictions, even if you don’t do AS levels. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking your first year doesn’t count.

It’s great when you turn 18 and you’re finally able to start going to licensed premises and drinking *legally*, but don’t let all that freedom go to your head. Use your common sense – know your limits, don’t abandon friends on nights out, have a designated driver, don’t get drunk on a school night, the usual.

Identify people who distract you, and avoid them when it comes down to it. You can quickly narrow down the people who will be proactive and do something when they have a problem, and those who would rather just complain about it. The latter group are just going to waste your time.

Last tip! From personal experience, sixth form will be stressful as hell. But it can also be some of the most fun you’ve ever had in school, and your time will go crazy fast! Make the most of it and enjoy 😊

That’s all I can think of so far, I hope it’s helpful! Please feel free to message me with any questions or concerns about anything I’ve said, or equally, if you can think of any tips for new year 12s that I didn’t include on this list go ahead and add some.

Have a relaxing summer everyone and good luck for next year! xx

[hunterbahamut]

Here is the start of a new story I’m calling “Back in Action”!

This takes place back in Zech’s timeline; the team has been reunited and recovered, and now it’s time to see if they still got what it takes!

I hope you enjoy!

--

The Peapods hummed away merrily as they worked on cleaning up Wart's off, brushing, scrubbing and vacuuming away the years of dust and grim that had accumulated during the Needlix's time off-station.

Wart himself grumbled as he worked on setting up his desk again, clearly unamused. "Hmph, 'Haven't touched it' indeed. Very funny."  He grumbled, "I would've expected they would have kept it clean in the meantime!" He continued his grumblings as he cleared off his desk and started to get his equipment set up again; much of it still the old stuff he had been using for years. He really seemed to refuse to upgrade it and while was very tempted to get Phineas to do that as a small means of revenge, he wasn't really thrilled with extra spending just so soon they got everything paid up.

He finally got his computer and communications set up and he huffed a bit, but before he could go onto the next job, the comms started to go off, and it was the business line!  Wart blinked in surprise; he had only just gotten word out that his team was back in business, so getting work in now so suddenly too him by complete surprise! He scrambled to get into his chair and did his best to look professional before he answered; "Hello, this is Wart of Team Prototype. How can we be of service?"

The screen lit up and showed a female, eagle Razorwing. She had a stern look as she peered over round glasses on her face. "Team Prototype, I had heard rumors that you are starting back up again."

"Yes indeed!" Wart gave the Razorwing a toothy grin.  "We are slowly getting everything back in working order, but we can take on any job you have!"

She nodded. "I am glad to hear that.  My name is Rift, and I have something that requires some...outside attention."

--

"I am merely making an offer."

Phineas grumbled as he and Tero walked down the hall, "Yeah, yeah, I get that.  It looked like it did wonders for Sparks and Nix, but I ain't too sure on the whole thing myself."

"You just hate the idea of being in a 'fish bowl'." Tero teased.

Phin snorted, "I do in that creepy lab of yours!"

"Now you're starting to sound like the boy."

Phin grumbled, "Maybe he's got a good point."

Nix could hear the two bickering with each other as they got closer to their lounge and she couldn't help but shake her head with a smile: the more things change the more seem to stay the same. It was oddly comforting.

The two came walking in, their verbal jousting stopping as they saw the saw Nix. "Morning Nix." Phin said, his voice sounding rather happy.

"Good morning you two." Nix said, standing up from her seat, "What is it this time?"

Tero snorted, "I was just offering him a chance to go through that 'rejuvenation' procedure that you and Sparks went through, and he's being a big baby about it."

"I am not!" Phineas said, "I just said that I wasn't sure about it!  With how much work there needs to be done still; including getting stuff fixed in -your- lab, I'd rather be doing that than floating in a tube for days!"

Nix couldn't help but shake her head. "But will you at least give it some consideration?  It wouldn't hurt."

Phin twitched as he looked at her, frowning a little before he sighed, "I didn't tell him a flat out 'no'.  I’ll think on it."

Tero just snorted again before he turned to Nix. "How are you doing?  How are the new cybernetics working?"

"Fine." Nix said, sitting back down, "Everything seemed to be working fine and I feel much better after everything.  Rather nice to be able to move and fight like I did before."

"That's good." Tero said, nodding, "Then that should be the last of everything for you."

"Thank goodness." Phin said, mostly to himself.  He was so happy and relieved that Nix was back and back to herself again; things were finally starting to feel like they were normal again.  "Where's Sparks and Zech?"

"Sparks I think is with Buzz," Nix said, "And Zech might be asleep still."  She looked over to the Shkeel, "Is Zech doing okay?  He's been sleeping in a lot."

Before Phineas could answer, Tero chimed in. "There is something wrong with him, but no one seems to be willing to give me a straight answer.  I can't do anything if no one is being forward with me."  He grumbled, "I should try and scare an answer out of him, if this keeps up."

Phineas snorted, looking over to Nix. "It's...actually, I think I should let him tell you.  It's something."

"Hmph." Tero just grumbled while Nix looked confused as well as concerned.

Before any more could be said on the matter, Sparks came running in, looking rather excited. "Hey guys! Come on, Wart's said that we have a new job already!"

"What, really?" Nix asked. "That was fast."

"I'm surprised he didn't find one sooner, knowing Wart." Phineas grumbled. "Alright, I'll go wake the kid up, I'll meet you guys in the briefing room."  He started to head out, "And I swear, if it's more baby sitting...!"

It didn't take long for the five to come into the briefing room where their boss was already waiting for them, smiling rather wide about the prospect of work now after everything. Zech couldn't help but share in that sentiment though.  He stepped in after the others and looked around at everyone, feeling something swell up inside of him.  It still seemed too good to be true, but...they were back. The whole team was back.

"Good to see everyone here now." Wart said, speaking up, "It is about time we got back to work, and we have our first job offer already!  And it sounds like a rather lucrative one!"

"Of course." Phin mumbled, "Wouldn't go for anything less."

'What do you have for us?" Sparks asked, sounding excited.

Wart brought up the information on the holo-projector as he started to give the briefing.  "We have been asked to look for a team of investigators who have disappeared about a week ago." The projector shows a group of four people; a Narth, a Needlix, a Razorwing and an Aqualine.  "They were last reported to be in the Xayah System, looking for a renegade Gorm. "

"Really?" Nix sounded surprised, "Renegade Gorm are pretty rare nowadays, do you know who they were going after?"

"As a a matter of fact, yes." Wart said, "Apparently our contractor wanted us to know who we might be facing up against."  The display changed to first show a picture of a rather tall, dull rust-colored male, but a second picture was brought up next to it that was clearly taken much later, showing the same Gorm only with most of his face and snout seeming to have been replaced with cold gray metal, his eyes giving off a rather intense gold, pupil-less glow.  "Doctor Viktor."

The room fell silent as the team looked at the pictures, Tero narrowing his eyes as he looked at the figure.

"Viktor?" Phineas asked, "Wasn't that the guy that was doing some crazy experiments years ago?"

"Doctor Viktor was trying to push the limits of cybernetics." Tero said, his voice very stern and deadpan. "His research became an obsession over the years and he felt that 'flesh was weak' and 'metal is perfection'.  Some of his extreme research involved replacing more and more of the body with artificial constructs that it became...dangerous, if not impractical."

"Sounds like a real mad scientist..." Zech said, shivering a little.

Nix spoke up next, "If I remember right, he went rogue after he lost funding for his research and his work was discredited, but he ultimately disappeared when there was a raid on his laboratory in the Zawn system of all places."

Tero nodded his head, "He had stolen a lot of information and resources before from different facilities on Techkanis 9, and to try and continue his work. He had had many kidnapped to be used in his experiments, which most were found in his laboratory.  As far as I heard, he was lost in a lab explosion when a task force was sent in to arrest him.  However, it would seem that some thought that he had survived."

"So if this guy is so dangerous, why are we getting involved?" Phineas asked.

"The team that had been looking for this Gorm had stopped reporting back to their leaders some time ago." Wart explained, "They had been declared missing sometime last week, but because of the nature of this mission, they can't ask for 'official' help, it would generate too much attention."

"So they gotta go to someone third party."  Sparks rubbed his chin, "What are our chances of finding this Gorm?"

Wart huffed, "Hold on, remember that our primary job is to find the missing team members and, if possible, get them out of danger and back home. -If- we do encounter this Gorm, and if we are able to take him down, there is the promise of an added bonus to our payment, but it is not a requirement."

"So search and rescue first, then deal with the creepy mad scientist if we run into him."  Sparks nodded, starting to grin.  "I think this is right up our alley!"

"Hell of a way to get back into the swing of things." Phineas grumbled.

"It doesn't sound that bad." Zech said, though he was feeling nervous himself.  He looked over to Phin and grinned, "It could be worse."

"Don't give me any ideas, kid." He said, "I really don't want to think of how much worse it could be!"

[lilac-milk-moon]

Sitting Poolside Interview with Chrissy from Eat Sleep Breathe FI

The Sitting Poolside interview series

When people think of retirement, scenes of beachfront homes, rounds of golf, or reading by the pool come to mind. Sitting Poolside is a series of interviews that challenges that notion and other financial misperceptions. The series name pokes fun at the stereotypes, but it’s also an opportunity to discuss people’s real stories and unique insights. So grab a piña colada and pull up your lounge chair!

Chrissy from Eat Sleep Breathe FI

Hi there! I’m Chrissy—the blogger behind Eat Sleep Breathe FI and one of the co-hosts of the Explore FI Canada podcast. I live in beautiful Vancouver, BC with my husband and two boys (aged 12 and 14). I’ve been a stay-at-home mom since our first son was born. Despite living on a single income in a high-cost-of-living city, we’re still on track to reach FI (financial independence) in our 40s.

Early years and starting ESB FI

Mr. SR (MSR): You mention on your site that your parents immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong. Growing up, do you feel like your family had a different perspective on money and wealth than what Canadian culture viewed as normal?

Chrissy: I wasn’t fully aware of how different my family’s money and wealth perspective was until I bought my first home. When my co-workers heard that my boyfriend (now husband) and I had saved up a 25% down payment—at ages 21 and 24—they were dumbfounded.

These co-workers were in their 30s, living paycheque to paycheque. They couldn’t understand how we had done this. I told them most of the money was from government child tax benefits and birthday money that our parents saved for us since we were babies.

They were shocked. It was completely foreign to them that our parents would’ve thought to do this. I realized then how lucky we were. Our parents understood the power of saving, compounding, and time.

They never earned high incomes and didn’t have great sums of wealth to shower upon us. But what they did have was good financial sense. Because of this, our parents were able to turn small bits of money into our eventual first home.

While I’m sure other Canadians lived like us, I’ve since realized how powerful my parents’ perspective on money and wealth was. Their belief in saving, frugality, and fostering intergenerational wealth gave me a huge leg up.

MSR: How did you decide to start Eat Sleep Breathe FI? What is your mission? 

Chrissy: I started Eat Sleep Breathe FI for several reasons:

FI has brought so much happiness and satisfaction to my life and I want to help more people discover it. A blog is a perfect way to do that!

While we love our US FI friends and their helpful content, some things are different here in Canada. I wanted to fill the void by sharing Canadian FI hacks and resources.

I was tired of being a lurker! I wanted to fully join the conversation with other bloggers and blog readers. I craved being part of a community of like-minded people, and I felt that starting a blog would give me that… and it has!

My mission encompasses all of the above—I want to help others discover FI, especially in Canada, while helping to build the FI community.

Planning for financial independence

MSR: You mention on your site that you’re on track to reach FI by your 40s — what’s your vision for your life once you hit FI? How will things change?

Chrissy: The interesting thing for me is that my life will barely change. As a stay-at-home mom, I’m already living the FI lifestyle! In reality, my FI vision is for my husband, who works close to 50 hours a week.

I’d love for him to have more time for his hobbies—playing guitar, tinkering with his classic Mustang, and trying out unique new recipes. It would also be nice to travel and see our friends and family more often.

However, in an ironic twist, the closer we get to FI, the more certain my husband is that he wants to keep working! As he’s grown into his managerial role at work, so has his passion for his job.

In the end, I’m happy for my husband to do whatever he chooses. For me, that’s the beauty of FI—it gives us the freedom to choose what we want to do (including continuing to work).

MSR: What’s your sense of the financial independence movement in Canada compared to the US and the world in general? Have you seen it start to gain more traction over the last few years? 

Chrissy: While FI has been well-established in the US for many years, it only started to gain traction in Canada last year. I feel that the FI movement is just in its infancy here. This seems to be on par with the rest of the world (outside of the US).

I couldn’t be more excited to be in the Canadian FI community at this pivotal time. I would love for FI to become more mainstream here and all over the world.

Learning from living on a single income

MSR: In blogging, money management, or personally, what do you consider to be your biggest failure or regret?

Chrissy: I can honestly say I have no major personal regrets. I’ve always kept my bucket list at the forefront of my mind and have tried to live my life to meet those lofty goals. If I were to die today, I would die a happy woman! However, I do have a couple of regrets when it comes to my money management. Both are linked to the same issue—not starting sooner. I wish I’d started managing our investments and started leveraged investing much earlier than we did. It pains me to think how much farther ahead we’d be if I’d done this! Even a few extra years of smarter investing would have grown our wealth exponentially.

MSR: What are some unique challenges and opportunities you and your husband have encountered as a one-income household?

Chrissy: For us, the biggest challenge as a one-income household was not having much leftover to save or invest. I didn’t like living so close to the edge, so we decided to start hosting international students. It’s the perfect work-from-home side hustle/house hack! (Not to mention an amazing educational experience for our family.) Decreased income was our biggest challenge, but it wasn’t the only one! Here are other challenges we’ve faced as a one-income household:

I don’t earn much income, so I’m sometimes declined for credit cards (even if I use household income in my application).

My low earnings also means I’ll receive very little in government retirement benefits. We’ll have to factor this into our retirement plans.

Since we only have one employed person in the household, it’s harder to get favourable mortgage terms.

Life insurance is also a bit trickier to apply for because the underwriting is based on earned income that would be lost.

As a stay-at-home mom, I’m very dependent on my husband. I need to be extra careful and look out for myself in case anything happens to my husband (or our marriage). I’ve planned for the worst, and put many financial and legal measures in place to take care of both of us (and our kids) equitably.

Phew—that’s a lot of challenges! But it’s not all bad—we’ve also realized many benefits as a one-income household. There are too many to list here, so I’ll send you to a comprehensive guest post I wrote for another blogger: How Much Does It Cost to Be a Stay-at-Home Parent? A financial cost analysis.

In the post, I list the many benefits of having a stay-at-home parent—and how much it costs. There are plenty of comparisons and lots of detailed math to help you make an informed decision.

MSR: Do you have any advice for others in a similar position? 

Chrissy: Absolutely! Here’s what I would advise:

Plan ahead to avoid cash flow shortfalls.

Find ways to earn extra income to give yourself a financial cushion.

Talk about money regularly with your partner.

Track your money so you know what’s coming in and where it’s going.

Cut back ruthlessly on things you don’t value or no longer need.

As long as you’re able to afford your expenses and have enough left for emergencies, make peace with a lower saving rate for a few years.

This shouldn’t only be a financial decision—the lifestyle benefits of being a one-income household are priceless. If you can make it work financially, it’ll very likely be worth the sacrifice.

Building knowledge of wealth

MSR: As a parent, how does your understanding of wealth and your pursuit of FI affect how you teach your children? Have they had any “lightbulb” moments about money that you can share?

Chrissy: My understanding of wealth and FI affects my parenting quite a bit. From the beginning, I’ve tried to foster the critical life skill of delayed gratification in my kids. I believe this is one of the most important keys to wealth. If kids can learn to not succumb to their in-the-moment wants, it’ll get them so far ahead in life!

I’ve also talked to my kids (a lot) about the difference between looking rich and actually having wealth. On the surface, our family doesn’t look all that rich. We live in an average house, and drive average cars. Our clothes aren’t fancy, and we don’t take luxury vacations.

My kids often ask how other families are able to afford nicer houses and big-ticket items for birthday and Christmas gifts. I explain to them that some of these families buy things on credit and have little to no savings. They look rich, but have little wealth.

We don’t care if other people think we’re rich or not! What counts is the real wealth we’ve built. That’s what gives us the freedom to be a one-income household and the ability to reach FI in our 40s. For us, that’s the true definition of a “rich” life! As for lightbulb moments, here are a few:

After we watched the Playing with FIRE documentary together, my kids finally ‘got’ the concept of FIRE. It generated a lot of new and interesting money discussions.

One such discussion was around career choices. My 14 year old is already planning for a career that he’ll not only enjoy, but that’ll also help him reach FI sooner. It’s amazing to me that he already gets this!

Unguided, my 12 year old would happily spend on whatever his heart desires! Thankfully, our money lessons have sunken in, and he’s become as good of a saver as anyone. (He’s even careful when spending the currency he earns in his video games!)

At 12 and 14, I already know my kids are on the right financial path. But there’s something I want to stress to other parents: it wasn’t hard to get them here. You don’t need expensive classes, parenting books, or apps to teach your kids good money skills.

Simply model your own good habits and talk to them about money at every opportunity. Tailor it to their age level, and explain your decisions in ways they understand. Each discussion will lead to a growing understanding of money and how to truly build wealth.

MSR: What books or other financial sites have been influential to you? What other resources would you recommend that readers explore?

Chrissy: I have too many to list! That’s why I created FI School—a curated collection of the best FI resources, sourced from all over the internet. It’s an easy way to learn about FI and share it with others.

It started as a Google doc which I sent to my family to teach them about FI. However, once I launched my blog, I decided to build it out into a course-like format. This would allow me to help even more people start their FI journeys.

You can get started with FI School from the lessons landing page, or the introduction page. I hope Semi-Retire Plan readers find it useful!

MSR: What advice would you give someone who is on the path to semi-retirement or early retirement?

Chrissy: My advice is to start with your whys—figure out why you want to reach semi-retirement or early retirement. Look deep. These whys should tie back to the core values you cherish most; things like family, freedom, adventure, or security.On the long road to semi-retirement or early retirement, you’re bound to face challenges and frustrations. During those difficult times, your whys will give you the motivation and energy to keep going.

MSR: Chrissy, I have really enjoyed hearing about your approach to FI and learning more about your family’s perspective. Thank you for sharing your story!

The post Sitting Poolside Interview with Chrissy from Eat Sleep Breathe FI appeared first on Semi-Retire Plan.

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