#their soulmark one lives in my head rent-free

[displayheartcode]

💌💯😂

💌 A fic that inspired you to create something for it

@lullabyknell's tell me whether he is dead inspired me to write along the churchyard green. it's spooky and cool! a unique and refreshing take on the master of death trope! instead of harry being overly powerful, weird shit happens and he has to learn to roll with it. i am also deeply in love with the concept of haunting yourself, as seen in some of my favorite published books.

💯 A fic that makes you think #writergoals

anything by @yellowocaballero! Meg is ridiculously talented. like, genre-shifting in mid-step while holding onto several plot threads and distinct narrative voices talented. best life merges my favorite aspects of the moon knight series with the absurdity of the comic's canon while Listen To Your Heart (No!) is equal parts cathartic and also romantic?? like, damn, she knows exactly how to write the beats while also providing a deeply satisfying ending. I was biting into my knuckles hard for the last few chapters!

😂 A fic that made you laugh out loud

@andrea-lyn's Let's Do The Time Warp Again. I had just moved into my new apartment unit, the AC wasn't working, but damn could I laugh thanks to andrea. everyone is in on the fact that they're a time traveler on the pirate ship and they have to keep it a secret from the oblivious stede. every time i look at my billy bookcase, i can't help but chuckle because of a line.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I found your post about inbox empty and no camp requests literally five minutes after opening the tumblr post episode 8. Were you summoned? Was I? Who cares.

I haven’t had the time to properly comment on your 2buck sexy prompt fill but please do know I will BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN LIVING RENT FREE IN MY HEAD. So fucking well written (pace, words, characterizations, aaaaah). I ramble, sorry.

Back to the point at hand, PROMPT(s) for my two favorite idiots (Buck/Bucky):

- post war bliss, let’s heal the boys a bit and give them their happiness

- set whenever, possessive Gale (boy is 100% unhinged, called it day 1 when Greenland tower control told him to circle back and he just floored it like a goddamn pro)

- magpie behavior John, he just collects stuff for Gale and brings it to him, it’s a character trait (bikes, shit needed to make a crystal radio, boy just does)

- observer Gale, he just loves the physicality John moves in when he’s in Major mode and when he gets the rare chance to look without being seen or having to worry what is seen on his face he just looks and lets himself feel it

- talismans, I love the idea of both of them having something that means ‘I am of my beloved and my beloved is of mine’

- literally whatever other sexy scenario you can concoct, your whiskey one has rewired a couple of circuits in my brain

- soulmarks, on the basis that I’m a sucker for them

Bonus for good ole Benny De Marco as Gale’s keeper when John isn’t around while at the same time John’s handler when Gale’s not there (ngl this is because of the way Buck yells De Marco’s name in the pilot, my boys are MATES™️).

I am afraid I single-handedly murdered your inbox, please forgive me.

Thank you in advance and cheers ✨❤️

(These are all amazing, and I would like to encourage anyone who is reading this and gets an idea from one of these to write you one of the ones I don't [or write the one I did but as your own thing!])

In the barracks, each bed comes with a side table. It has a drawer and a lamp. Most of the boys keep a photo of a loved one on the top, a skin mag in the drawer, and whatever they carry in their pockets each day next to the photo.

Buck's is different because he keeps whatever he carries in his pockets in the drawer, and on the table itself is a collection of random objects that look like he's collecting odds and ends with no real sense. Amongst the clutter are the following things:

A skeleton key with a filigree 'G' carved into the head.

A rock that shines when the sunlight hits it during the day.

A broken bracelet made of blue stones.

A tiny piece of foil shaped into an oak leaf cluster.

The first time a replacement asks about it--because Major Cleven doesn't seem the type to collect odds and ends--Demarco barks a laugh and buys the replacement a drink.

"It's not Cleven's collection. Well, it is. But it's not."

The replacement stares at Demarco. "Uh-huh. Clear as mud."

Demarco sighs. "They're all his, but he didn't pick them, okay?"

"That's no clearer."

Demarco shrugs. "You'll figure it out."

A week later, the replacement is reading in his bunk when Major Egan walks in, giggly and flushed from drinking. He drops hard onto Major Cleven's bed. Major Cleven is--or was--sleeping, but he wakes up and huffs a laugh and says as calm and even as he seems to do everything. "What are you up to?"

Major Egan holds out a hand. "Look what I found!"

Major Cleven squints at Major Egan's hand. "It's a penny."

"No, look closer," Major Egan says. He picks up the penny with his other hand and holds it very close to Major Cleven's eyes. "Look."

Major Cleven grabs Major Egan's wrist and pulls it back a few inches. He squints at the penny, then reaches over and flicks on his lamp. He squints at the penny again. "It's still a penny, John."

"No, it's your birth year," Major Egan says. "See?" He points. "And I found it heads up! It's double good luck for you."

The replacement suddenly realizes neither of them have clocked that he's there. He coughs politely, and suddenly, both Majors are looking at him.

"Is this your first time experiencing Major Egan in his magpie form?" Major Cleven asks.

"Uh," the replacement says.

"He acts like it's silly, but he keeps all of them," Major Egan says, gesturing to Major Cleven.

The replacement expects Major Cleven to scoff or shove Major Egan off his bed. Instead, he smiles and holds out his hand.

"I don't act like it's silly," Major Cleven says and looks at his table for a long moment before setting down very precisely. "I just can't follow your booze-soaked reasoning when you wake me up in the middle of the night."

Major Egan flops sideways so he's taking over half of Major Cleven's bed. "It's only ten, you old man."

Major Cleven stares at Major Egan. "We have an audience, John."

"Eh," Major Egan says and rolls over, stealing Major Cleven's pillow.

"Hey, give that back!" Major Cleven says, yanking the pillow, but Major Egan isn't giving it up.

The replacement doesn't know what to do, so he goes back to his book. The next night at the officer's club, he buys Demarco a drink.

"What was it this time?" Demarco asks.

"A penny from his birth year that he found face up."

Demarco bursts into laughter. "Oh, that's a whole new level of lovesick."

"Are they together?"

"Joined at the hip and a few other parts," Demarco says, then downs his drink. He slaps the replacement on the back. "Come on. I'll let you tell Brady what the latest one is. He'll love it."

[anxietywriter]

assorted prompts!

no particular theme, just a few ideas that i think are neat :3

a character that really likes journaling, and another character that accidentally happens upon it and reads a few lines

"You are so much more than what people say you are."

a character waiting for their flight in the airport. and the stranger that asks to sit by them because they're near a charging area.

addendum to the last one, finding out they're sitting next to each other for the whole flight.

the trope of a cafe being too busy and having to share a table with someone they don't know lives rent free in my head

alkf soulmate au soulmate au soulmate au, i personally like the matching marks one the most, but a lot of other popular ones i've seen are to do with eyes meeting and seeing color, touching and marks forming in the shape of that touch, being able to write on their skin for their soulmate to see, and shared dreams

maybe because i'm a sucker for angst but i'm also a big fan of soulmate au's in which one character's soulmark disappears or covered because of scars or a near death experience. not just because of the complications it creates for their fated to find them, but also the feeling of losing the one thing that connected them to their soulmate

painting/studio mates that are always working together. always in the studio together, working on projects late into the night. and it's this almost silent rivalry of who can make the most progress or who can stay in the studio the latest. how they always examine each other's painting and critique them in front of the whole class. at one point, they get to talking, reluctantly admitted to each other's skill. catch feelings. become each other's muse/inspiration. the works.

something about the tragedy of watching someone go to college in a major they hate. that they would be disowned if they chose their passion. how they were only happy in the one art class that their schedule allowed them to take. painting the walls with your name, if you can't remember this moment at least that room will. there was pain in the thought that they could've double majored. if only they knew about the possibility sooner.

like it's so tragic to me watching character be groomed as an heir to a big company or throne, when all they want is to know peace away from that world. they want the freedom to choose but can't for fear of losing everything they have. they will go through the motions if only to survive for the few moments of joy. but my favorite trope? when we see them find others that bring them the peace they crave. or y'know. when they leave their whole life behind, bright-eyed into the unknown.

i fucking love au's. i think i mentioned a pokemon au before but like aughhh love them. idk i just like thinking about what pokemon a character would use and what their ace would be. ALSO if they would be the kind of person that wants to beat the gym masters, win pokemon beauty competitions, use them for help in their profession, or just like, as a little guy, just a pet, what an adorable friend.

[starlocked01]

Dukexiety Week Day 7- Soulmates

Summary: Virgil makes a pet food run with disastrous wonderful results

WC: 2441

Warnings: swearing, panic attacks, non-consensual touch (non-sexual), negative self talk, past abusive relationship, past Anxceit, nonbinary Remus

A/N: Who would I be if I didn't write the soulmate prompt and post it late for Remus' birthday? Happy Birthday my favorite intrusive thot! 💚

@dukexietyweek

"Look alive, Sunshiiine~"

Virgil groaned and rolled over in bed, ignoring his alarm. Truthfully, he wasn't sure why it was still armed since he had nothing to wake up for anymore.

The alarm jarringly skipped from the Danger Days opening to Brendon Urie screaming about something or other. Virgil groaned and wrapped a blanket over his head. He just didn't want to get up and he could feel it becoming an awful day already.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

After three more screaming emo songs, Virgil finally managed to sit up to the softer tones of Evanescence, rubbing at his eyes and groaning in general protest of the concept of mornings. More like mournings.

He grabbed his favorite edgy hoodie and threw it on over his nightshirt, yawning as he smacked the shit out of the alarm clock. Wincing at the cracks and pops in his joints as he stood, Virgil made his way over to the full length mirror hot glued to his bedroom door. Most of his decorations were hot glued in place because of Ryuk.

As if on cue, the slinky little black kitten pushed her way in the slightly ajar door, meowing her own protest against Virgil’s inability to wake up and feed her promptly in the morning. Virgil smiled softly and bent down, petting her and ruffling the fur between her ears.

"Easy, baby. I'll get your food soon," he promised as the kitten stretched up to paw at the strings of his hoodie. Ryuk was about the only one in his life who he let see him without his daily make-up routine, and the only one who didn't flinch upon seeing his dead black soulmark.

Virgil scooped her up and stood to examine himself. The deep dark markings under his eyes and streaking down his cheeks to his neck were a complete enigma. Most soulmarks were on shoulders, hips, hands, or elbows, places people commonly accidentally bumped each other. He had no idea who would touch his face this way the first time they met. It didn't look like a kiss, it looked like he was going to get beat up and his soulmark was just the dark omen of how shit his soulmate would be.

He sighed and let Ryuk perch on his shoulder- he swore his cat wanted to be a parrot- and pulled out his concealer from the make-up bag on his dresser. Ryuk watched carefully as he covered the dark soulmark, the little kitten hardly blinking. She only shifted her weight to counterbalance Virgil’s movements.

Several layers of concealer and foundation later, Virgil’s face looked as pasty as a boo ghost made of a bed sheet. He smiled sharply, grabbing eye liner because emo has got to emo and finishing the look with black lipstick. He didn’t bother to cover up the three pads of his fingers that were inky black. Hardly anyone noticed them. Ryuk meowed her support of her dark strange dad and jumped all the way to the floor, waiting impatiently for Virgil to follow.

"Alright! Food time," Virgil giggled and opened the door for her. At least Janus had left him the cat, right?

Virgil frowned as his thoughts swirled right back around to his ex. Of course they knew they weren't soulmates, but it had been reassuring being with someone else who had a strange facial soulmark. And Janus had been amazing at helping Virgil stay calm and focused enough to survive reasonably well despite near crippling anxiety.

That was until Virgil found out Janus had been lying about his soulmark for the three years they were together.

For three years, that snake had been covering up his activated soulmark with black makeup, making Virgil think he didn't know exactly who he was supposed to be with. All so he could live rent free and do almost nothing to contribute to their household, because Janus' actual soulmate wanted him to get a job. Sometimes, Virgil even wondered if the man he'd shared his bed with was actually gay. 

The break up had left Virgil absolutely devastated, and Ryuk was the only good thing to come of the relationship. So he spoiled her as responsibly as he could, taking care of the only being who truly loved him.

Depressing. Welcome to the life of the most pathetic-

Ryuk mewled as if to chastise Virgil for delaying feeding her even longer. Virgil followed the little black kitten down to the kitchen, stretching and trying to forget the previous train of thought. He picked up Ryuk’s personalized food dish (that had been an awkward request at Pet’s Mart), dumping the few soggy pellets left over from the night before and giving the dish a good rinse. He rubbed it dry with a towel while Ryuk sat patiently at his feet, waiting for her food now that she knew Virgil was actually working on it. 

He set the bowl on the counter and reached up to the cabinet where he kept her food. “Soon, pretty kitty. Just be patient for me,” he cooed at her, finding a small amount of pleasure in her responsive mew. He smiled until his hand hit nothing but the wooden shelf of the cabinet.

“What the-” Virgil’s attention snapped right back to the cabinet, swearing when he discovered that Ryuk had finished the last of their food stores last night. He groaned and glanced down at the expectant kitten, “I am so sorry- I forgot to stock up, baby.”

Ryuk tilted her head, not understanding why the magic food door wasn’t providing her the food she desperately needed to survive in this house.

“Shit- I’ll be right back-” Virgil stepped away from the counter, followed by a loud cat cry protest. He winced, hating to leave her wanting as he found a pair of ripped up black skinny jeans to throw on. The last thing he wanted right now was an impromptu shopping trip, but that was exactly what was happening. 

Ryuk kept meowing as Virgil slipped on his favorite Converse and nudged her away from the door so he could leave. He locked the door and double checked by trying to open it before walking briskly down the sidewalk with head down. 

Of course he’d forgotten his headphones to drown out the annoying shoppers around him. Virgil’s mood soured more with each step towards the store. It was truly shaping up to be a terrible day.

Virgil glanced around as he entered the store with his hood pulled all the way up. He felt acutely aware of how suspicious he looked right now. But that couldn’t be helped. He just wanted to grab Ryuk’s food and get out of there as soon as possible. He made a beeline for the Pets section, scanning the shelves for her preferred brand. He sighed in relief seeing there was one bag left. He bent down to pick it up when he heard a loud shrill whistle behind him.

“Day-um! What an ass! Is there another bag down there, sweet cheeks?”

Virgil inhaled sharply and stood up slowly, clutching the bag to his chest, “N-no, and I need this bag-” he balked at the acrid smell of pickle brine and sharp tangy iron coming from the barely dressed person standing far too close to him. He took a tentative step back toward the shelves.

“Fuck! You just had to take that one- it’s the only brand that tastes any good! Can’t your pooch or whatever settle for something else?” The person wearing what Virgil could only describe as a studded lime green bikini bottom and full body fishnets was staring at him, hands firmly on their hips. Virgil noted a nonbinary they/them pin before a wave of nausea washed over him as the smell intensified and mixed with a very deep seated feeling that this stranger was about to attack him over cat food.

“N-no, Ryuk only eats this,” He managed to stammer.

“Wait- like from Death Note?” their eyes gleamed with recognition, “You named your dog after a Shinigami?”

“She’s a cat!” Virgil exclaimed, taking another backward step and gulping as his back hit the edges of the shelving behind him, knocking a few bags off, “please- please leave me alone-”

“Hey, I’m just trying to negotiate here,” they complained, stepping closer instead. Virgil could feel tears welling up in his eyes as his terror skyrocketed.

“Go- leave- please leave me alone-” He whispered as they stepped right up in his face. He felt his logical brain shutting down, wishing he wasn’t pinned against the shelves so he could run. 

“Whoa- for one, you’re really cute,” The stranger smiled a strange wide grin, “I’d love to get to know you- wait- are you crying? What the shit?”

Virgil’s knees buckled underneath him and he slid the ground, clutching the cat food like it was his only lifeline. His breathing was rapid and shallow as he curled in on himself, praying the stranger would go away. 

“Woah, buddy, I didn’t mean-”

The stench of the rude stranger with zero sense of personal boundaries increased tenfold and Virgil felt as if he was about to pass out. 

— — —  

Remus stared at the emo laying in the fetal position at their feet. Goddamn it they’d been trying to come across less creepy when they were flirting. They crouched down and tried to gently push the man’s hood off his face to see if he was still conscious. 

How the fuck did things like this keep happening to Remus?

They saw the tears slipping down the man’s cheek. Oh fuck-

“Woah, buddy, I didn’t mean-”

The emo clutched at the bag of cat food and didn’t even respond to their voice. Remus figured the best  way to help would be to help him ground himself so they  could apologize for being so terrifying. Not that they were trying to be scary. If people were scared of them, that was their problem and Remus would not take responsibility for it. 

They kneeled in front of the man and reached out slowly, “hey- can you take a deep breath with me? Shit dude, I really didn’t mean to scare you over a bag of kibble-” When the man didn’t respond, only crying softly and breathing like a bunny, Remus inhaled and swore under their breath. Fuck Fuck Fuck. What would a smart person do? Remus sighed. If they knew that answer, they wouldn't be in this predicament in the first place. 

Gently they reached to cup the man’s face, wiping their thumbs at the tears staining his bottom eyelids. No sooner had Remus touched the man than his hand came up to smack his wrist away. Remus gasped and pulled back, their palms and wrist stinging.

Remus rubbed their wrist and harrumphed, “I’m just trying to help!” They glanced back at the stranger and gasped. Shimmery purple glowed beneath what looked like several layers of makeup on the man’s face. It spread from under his eyes to all the way down his neck. Remus stared, absolutely transfixed. Of course they had seen activated soulmarks before. But they’d never caused an activation…

Remas gasped again and spread their palms out in front of them. They started in disbelief at the green shimmery swirls that settled into a Lichtenberg figure before their eyes. They knew soulmarks sometimes formed into patterns that represented the soulmate. They looked back at the man on the ground to find him staring at his fingers, the ones he’d used to smack Remus away.

“Holy shit-” 

“Read my mind, emo. What’s your name?”

The man blinked up at Remus as if taking them in for the first time.

“Oh- Oh it’s really you…”

Remus grinned, “yeah- sorry that was so stressful.”

“I- yeah, but it’s fine,” the man shrugged, “I’m… MyNameIsVirgil,” he rushed out and Remus grinned, “he/him, by the way. I saw your pin.”

Remus nodded, “thank you, Virgil. Remus. God, I want to see your mark without all that makeup… but maybe that’s a second date idea.”

Virgil laughed sharply, “that’s assuming there’s a first!”

“There better be! I have got to meet this shinigami pussy that’s been stealing my food!”

“You… eat cat food? For real?’

Remus shrugged, “It’s cheap. Please?”

Virgil sat up and offered Remus his hand, “what’s with the ninja stars?”

Remus broke into raucous laughter, “Oh Fuck! Lolo is not gonna believe this-”

Virgil squinted, “Who? No. Too much to process right now. Um.. could you please let me get up?”

Remus scooted away on the linoleum floor, giving Virgil space to get his legs beneath him. They stood and offered Virgil a hand, subtly showing off the lightning soulmark. 

“Woah- oh that’s- is gorgeous okay?” Virgil asked, staring at the mark.

“Yeah, for sure.” Remus nodded and offered again to help him up. “Let’s go pay and talk this out at your place.”

Virgil paused a long moment before eventually nodding in agreement. He took their hand and stood, admiring how they held his hand gently yet still supported him enough to get up. Remus twisted the hold to interlock their fingers with his. Something about the gesture felt incredibly comforting. 

Virgil smiled weakly and followed him to the checkout. His heart was still racing, but he suspected for a different reason now. 

The real test would be how Ryuk took to this new person. 

— — —

Virgil stood in his bathroom with the door ajar, carefully wiping the makeup off his soul mark while Remus played with Ryuk in the living room. She very much enjoyed snagging her claws on their fishnets and they seemed absolutely delighted with the kitten. Virgil sighed softly and kept wiping away at the layers, marveling as sparkly purple tentacles revealed themselves, twisting and turning all over the previously dead black area. His lip trembled and the rag dropped from his fingers.

He met his actual soulmate, and they’d turned his greatest fear and shame into something so beautiful.

Remus gasped from behind him, staring in the mirror at the swirly purple soulmark. “Oh my god- Virge-”

Virgil smiled back at them in the mirror before turning to face them, “Yes?”

“You’re super pretty now- and that ass is still magnificent. Do- do you want to date?”

“Let’s get to know each other a bit better before getting all official with labels,” Virgil chuckled, reaching to pull Remus close. 

Ryuk mewed and headbutted at Remus’ leg, feeling left out of the family hug. Both of them grinned and Virgil let her climb him back up to his shoulder before hugging Remus close.

After all, she’d basically set them up.

[rainbowcolored7]

Jak! Dearly beloved, I'm thrilled to see you on your Musketeers bullshit, you've reminded me how overdue I am for a rewatch. Would you happen to have any fic recs? 👀

Fleet my love! 🥰

*chants* rewatch rewatch rewatch!

I absolutely have recs! (they say as they check their bookmarks to find there is only one and the rest have fucking disappeared?!?! In my search to track them down again I may have missed some sorry...) My otp is Athos/d'Artagnan, Porthos/Aramis, and poly Athos/d'Artagnan/Porthos/Aramis (with Constance occasionally in the mix). I hope that's okay! And in an attempt to keep this list from being horrifically long I'm going to try and share one fic per author, but most have written several wonderful fics that are favs, so definitely check out their other works as well. (says this and immediately fails)

Une histoire de bleu by ceeturnalia (traveller) - This is my top favorite of all time for this fandom. I can't count how many times I've reread it, I have the dang thing nearly memorized lol. Rated E, D/s, Athos/d'Artagnan.

kairos & logos by ceeturnalia (traveller) - Rated E, soulmates and reincarnation, OT4. This fic lives rent free in my head nearly as much as Une histoire de bleu. It's not a coincidence they're both written by Cee, who is an incredible story teller.

Multiples of Three by Q__Q - Rated E, OT4. I'm a huge sucker for fics where d'Artagnan is unsure of where he stands with the rest of the gang until they all have to kiss about it.

Ye Heirs of Glory by Kyele - Rated E, a/b/o, Athos/d'Artagnan, Porthos/Aramis etc.. I will admit I never actually finished this one. If I remember correctly I got about halfway and was yanked into another hyperfixation and forgot all about it, but the world building is exquisite, and I have every intention of finishing it soon.

every time i see your face by cherryfeather - Rated E, OT5, just absolute sexy mouthwatering fivesome filth. Also highly recommend going through the rest of this author's works because they're amazing.

The Fruit of Knowledge by breathtaken - Rated E, Athos/d'Artagnan, undercover shenanigans that gets really real super quick. This is another I am constantly rereading because it's one, incredibly sweet, and two, spicy spicy spicy om nom. Also check out the rest of this author's works bc just wowza. The talent.

Forever (in Ink) by Isidore - Rated M, OT4, soulmates and soul marks. This fic is just a full course meal from start to end.

Pas de Quatre by zelda_zee - Rated E, OT4, incredibly written, clever, gorgeous, stunning, no notes.

Fate Will Bring Us Home by rthecynic - NR, OT4, soulmates and soulmarks in the form of flowers. So, so many flowers! The imagery of this one is just so delightful, and istg one day I'm going to draw them all.

[matchbookarmy]

🔁 & 💯!

Thanks for the ask. I answered the reread question here.

7. a fic that made you think #writer goals

Okay....soooooo... sometime back I talked about rereading a fic that I couldn't in good conscience recommend as a Stony fic. But I am going to go ahead and rec it here, because it really is that good. So, be forewarned, this is not a happy Stony fic, and it does not have a happy ending. But it is really really really good, if you are a Tony fan, and want some top notch character exploration. As long as you don't mind hurting because this one's gonna hurt.

Black Right Hand by Diomedes

Rating: Mature

Summary: Destiny never marks him false. It’s Tony who learns all the wrong lessons. Soulmark AU: People are born with soulmarks: bloodline marks and soulmates. Very rarely do more appear or do they fade. Tony's do. This messes with his perception of love irreparably.

Why I'm Reccing: So, as I was going through my bookmarks looking for something that I hadn't already recced, I got like one sentence into this one and I was like....oh....this is that one. Because this fic lives in my head rent free. This fic absolutely set the standard for me in terms of a darker, self-destructive Tony characterization, and I haven't been the same since. (This fic also set the standard for me on Tony's relationship with Jarvis, and I will accept nothing less. We stan Jarvis on this blog.)

Look, I know a lot of people want to read happy fic, and I get that, so this fic will not be for everyone, but when I say that this fic is stunning, I do not say that lightly. This fic is poetry. It is art, it is music, it paints a beautiful and heart wrenching painting from the very first line, and it honestly takes my breath away.

This is a story of a Tony who is hurt by love pretty much from the moment he is born. This is the story of the many loves of Tony's life, the good, the bad, and the (very) ugly. This is the story of being hurt by love, over and over and over again. That's it, that's the fic. There's no upside here, just pain. Pain that you feel deep in your soul, but it's okay, because it's beautiful.

Tony loves as best he can with his defective heart but it isn’t enough for Destiny to hear him. He never considers that his mother’s mark faded because he’s nothing like her at all. See, Tony is nothing like Maria who loved so much she bent the will of Destiny. Instead Tony is marked with the names of those who love him. 

Then he gets to watch, one by one, as they stop.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. But it's worth it.

Trigger warning for depictions of abusive relationships (both child and domestic) but none involving Steve. (Though again, this is not a happy Stony fic.) Also this is MCU canon complaint, up to and including Endgame.

[asexy-phoenix]

More Fic Recs

Back at it again! I’ll keep posting these until I’ve recommended everything in my bookmarks plus more probably. List under the cut!

getting (back together) over her by Letterblade

so this one is rated explicit, read at your own risk. That being said, it’s excellent, a great Aang exploration and a pretty realistic look at how being 12 for a hundred years would make one feel

plus I have at least one quote from this story living rent-free at all times in my head, please read it, i can’t be the only one

The Family You Choose by TunaFishChris

another soulmark AU fic! This one is a platonic story about the Gaang finding out about Zuko’s past. It’s a cool soulmark system that I don’t think I’ve ever read before and is very awesome in execution!

Team Building Exercise ‘99 by regents

a story about the Parks and Rec crew and three different team building exercises over three different years as told through the eyes of Ron Swanson. It is an excellent characterization of Ron Swanson and you should read it for the comedy factor alone

A Study in Asexuality by ladyxdarcy

rated mature for a lot of potentially triggering subject matter, this Sherlock fic is excellent. It’s a character study of Sherlock and specifically his asexuality, his relationship with John and how those two things interact. It has enough assurance and comfort to make up for every bit of hurt in the hurt/comfort and ends SO happily

Stay by Valentined

never played Subnautica? doesn’t matter! This is such a good, sad, story that leaves you with a lump in your throat and a ridiculous feeling of nostalgia for an alien planet you’ve never been to. 

I should note though, there are huge spoiler warnings. This fic basically ruins the end of the game, so if you DO want to play Subnautica and haven’t yet, go play it and then come read this

And All of This, Exactly That by antistar_e

an old fic from the Percy Jackson and the Olympians franchise, released the year after the last book in the original series was published. This story is about a relationship between Percy, Annabeth, and Rachel and is atmospheric and beautiful. It’s also funny and has a dragon in it, so that makes it automatically great

This Is an Essay by Dee_Laundry

I wish Harry Potter was narrated by Margaret instead of Harry. This is a fic absolutely dripping with personality and humour that is about a Gryffindor student in Harry’s third year who is neat, methodical, and autistic. “Margaret would rather write the same thing a hundred times.” and I would let her. 

Dr. Stirling’s Purple Pill by Ashling

this is a short, funny story about one of L.M. Montgomery’s sadly underrated works. The characters are brilliant and their voices are captured perfectly.

between the shadow and the soul by deliarium

this fic feels like a missing chapter from The Blue Castle. The haunting prose of the original is reproduced beautifully here and it’s some of the most gorgeous, intimate prose I’ve ever read.

Jack Frost and the Shadows of Van der Bor by emanime5

an RotBTD Harry Potter AU. Full of friendship, magic, and adventure it’s continuing proof that literally anyone except Rowling should be hired to write her works. 

Like A Fist In The Eye by soulsolid

a funny and in-character soulmate AU that pairs Jack Frost and Merida. It’s also a college AU so that just adds the cute and fast-paced atmosphere.

Eternity in a Kiss by Snacky

a fun and evocative story of Mary and Bert’s relationship as told through Bert’s eyes. It involves Bert being magic (because of course he is) and a bunch of fun, stealth crossovers!

seriously though, if you want to guess the crossovers on your own, don’t read the comments until after you’re done the fic

[kjack89]

Belle Épitaphe

Because this post has lived rent-free in my head for the past six years :’)

Happy Barricade Day, y’all!

ExR, canon compliant(ish) soulmate AU.

As was not uncommon, Enjolras’s parents hosted a party for him when he turned sixteen. Not quite a debut into society, it was instead an opportunity to gather and to wait for the words that would appear on his skin, just as they did on all upon reaching one’s sixteenth birthday.

The words would indicate his soulmark: the last words that his soulmate would ever speak to him.

It was an old tradition, the gathering for the words, dating back as long as any could imagine. But where once an entire village might gather to pray for good words, for words that revealed a name, or clue, of his soulmate’s identity, now it was more a formality to see if his parents need wait for a specific person to marry him off to, or if easier arrangements could be made. Now, instead of praying for a name, his parents – and more than a few young ladies from surrounding houses – hoped for vague words that could be uttered by anyone.

Enjolras hated every minute of it, dressing in uncomfortable, fancy clothing and pretending to make polite smalltalk with all of his parents’ friends. But most of all, he hated the very idea that some words that appeared on his skin might bind him to someone without his – or their – consent.

No matter how unlikely their meeting one day might be.

So he alone did not celebrate when he felt the words sear against his wrist; he alone did not hold his breath as he twisted his arm around to see the words that stood out starkly against his pale skin.

“Do you permit it?” his father read aloud for the assembled crowd, and his mother let out a small, delighted gasp.

“Such romantic words,” she told Enjolras, holding onto his other arm with both hands. “Think of what kind, loving wife will utter those words at the end of your long life.”

There was nothing Enjolras would rather imagine less.

And as he glared down at the words that had appeared on his arm, he vowed silently that he would never allow any to get so close to him as to say those words in any kind of final parting.

----------

It was, bluntly speaking, an easy vow to make and a far easier one to keep than Enjolras had at first anticipated, in no small part because he escaped from his parents before they could force him into anything resembling a courtship. Once he was in Paris, once he was surrounded by like-minded youths, he felt no need to give literally any thought whatsoever to soulmates, to soulmarks, or to the last words fate had destined someone to speak to him.

It had long since fallen out of fashion to endeavor to search for one’s soulmate, so it was not something of which most young men spoke, save in – gently or otherwise – mocking the lovelorn among them. How many times had Courfeyrac sighed and made an excuse for his errant roommate, telling them, “You really must forgive Marius; he is looking for his soulmate, after all”? 

It was something to roll one’s eyes at, if the subject even came up at all.

And around Enjolras, whose sole concern could be best summed by those three words liberté, égalité, and fraternité, it very rarely came up.

He may well have gone to his grave without ever giving it another thought, were it not for a casual utterance by someone he knew not at all.

When the barricades arose, Enjolras was filled with conviction, even more so than what usually filled him, conviction and righteousness enough to displace what little patience he had for things not associated with the Cause for which he had pledged his life, and very likely his death.

Which was perhaps why his temper soured so quickly upon hearing the latest of Grantaire’s many drunken soliloquies. Usually he could block them out, or ignore them as he tended to more important things, but standing on the crest of the barricade, facing down what was to come, he could not find it in himself to ignore it, or Grantaire.

“Grantaire,” he shouted, “go get rid of the fumes of your wine somewhere else than here. This is the place for enthusiasm, not for drunkenness. Don’t disgrace the barricade!”

Had he known what effect his words would have on the man, he might’ve tried shouting at him sooner. Immediately, Grantaire sobered, something Enjolras couldn’t quite read softening his expression. “Let me sleep here,” Grantaire said, almost gently, and Enjolras shook his head, already turning away.

“Go and sleep somewhere else.”

But Grantaire did not turn away, and something in his voice kept Enjolras rooted to the spot where he stood. “Let me sleep here—until I die.”

Anger welled in Enjolras’s chest as he stared balefully at Grantaire. When so many would doubtlessly lose their lives in service of freedom...what right did Grantaire have to use death as a bargaining chip, there of all places?

“Grantaire, you are incapable of believing, of thinking, of willing, of living, and of dying.”

He knew the words were harsh even as he was speaking them, a cold pronouncement of Grantaire’s character. But if Grantaire seemed affected by them, his expression did not show it. Only his tone seemed affected as he told Enjolras, his voice low, “You will see.”

He mumbled something more, something incoherent, but Enjolras was saved from having to decipher what else the man might possibly have said to him, but Bahorel shouting, “Here’s the street in its low-necked dress! How well it looks!”

And then Enjolras’s returned to the barricade and directing the efforts of the newest recruits who had arrived just as the rain stopped. They were a motley assortment of troops, but still Enjolras called each comrade as he gave out instructions.

As he paused near two men arranging a table on its side against the barricade, he could not help but overhear a snippet of their conversation. “I am confident we will survive this,” one said with a grunt as he shouldered the table into place. “After all, my wife did not utter the words marked on me before I left this eve.”

“Strange,” his companion said. “Your wife said the words marked on me when I left her this eve.”

The first man guffawed and shoved his companion with the camaraderie many of their number shared, their jokes about bedding each other’s wife continuing as they headed in the opposite direction, and Enjolras just shook his head before returning to the task at hand.

That should have been the end of it, an offhand joke shared between brothers at arms, but instead, the thought of the last words he might speak or hear stuck with Enjolras, even as the barricade was completed, even as they lost Prouvaire, even as they discovered the spy among them.

He endeavored to put it out of mind, and succeeded in ignoring it until they finally all settled in for the night. Then and only then did the thought begin to twist, low in his stomach. Especially when he thought of what he had said to Grantaire.

To say that Grantaire vexed him was a vast understatement; Grantaire vexed, irritated, confounded, and infuriated him. And yet for all his drunken ramblings and professions of belief in nothing, for his interruptions and distractions, for the way he had offered once to black Enjolras’s boots and for his failure to complete the one task Enjolras had ever deigned to assign him, Enjolras had never once been able to bring himself to send him away.

Not until that night.

And now, as he tried to get what little sleep he could in the shadow of the barricade as they waited for what battle was to come, he felt something like guilt seep through him.

He had not meant it, what he had said to Grantaire, and he knew better than most that the chance of them both surviving the barricade was not high. As much as he had never wished to care about the last words he said to any, the thought that those were the last words Grantaire might ever hear from him was unbearable.

After everything, he owed Grantaire a better farewell than that.

Mind made up, Enjolras stood to return to the Corinthe. The motion woke Combeferre, who had settled nearby. “Enjolras?” Combeferre asked quietly. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” Enjolras assured him. “There is simply something that I must do.”

He could not quite make out Combeferre’s expression in the darkness, but he knew him well enough to guess what look he might wear. “The best thing for any of our number right now is sleep,” Combeferre said. “And to let those already asleep continue so undisturbed.”

“And if the last words I said to you were in anger, would you sleep undisturbed?”

There was a challenge in Enjolras’s voice, but Combeferre did not rise to it. “Had I drunk that much wine, I imagine so,” he returned instead. “There is but one thing Grantaire would wish to hear from you, and as you cannot offer that, it is best to let him sleep.”

“Perhaps,” Enjolras said. “But still I must try.”

If Combeferre made any further argument, Enjolras did not linger to hear it, instead slipping into the Corinthe and making his way to where Grantaire still lay with his head against the wooden table, fast asleep. Despite what Enjolras had said to him, his expression looked almost serene in the dim light, and Enjolras hesitated for a moment before shaking his shoulder. “Grantaire,” he said, his whisper sounding overly-loud as it pierced the silence. “Grantaire, wake up.”

Grantaire’s eyes blinked open, and he stared, unfocused, at Enjolras for a moment before his vision cleared enough to recognize the man half-kneeling beside him.

Then, to Enjolras’s surprise, his eyes widened in horror. “No!” he half-shouted, scrambling backwards from Enjolras and almost falling out of his seat. “No, no, please—”

“Grantaire—” Enjolras started, concerned, but Grantaire shook his head wildly.

“Do not speak to me, I beg of you,” he pleaded, and Enjolras frowned.

“I must,” he said firmly, and Grantaire let out what sounded almost like a whimper, covering his face with his hands. “Grantaire, please, you must let me say this. The words I last spoke to you – I would not have my last words to you be in anger.”

Grantaire lowered his hands, looking at once very sad and very tired. “But you must,” he said, sounding more sober than Enjolras had ever heard him. “Those words were the best gift you have ever given me.”

Enjolras’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What are you—” he started, breaking off when Grantaire turned suddenly, and yanked his shirt up to show Enjolras his back. “Grantaire, what—”

Again he broke off, but this time not in confusion. He broke off in recognition, seeing the words he had spoken reflected back at him from where they were marked on Grantaire’s skin. Almost without meaning to, he raised his hand to trace with trembling fingers the words he had shouted earlier. “Grantaire,” he whispered, though he knew not what to say after that.

Grantaire flinched, just slightly, at the sound of his name, and Enjolras pulled his hand away as if he had been scalded. “So,” Grantaire said, lowering his shirt after the silence that stretched between them had turned uncomfortable. “Now you see.”

Enjolras shook his head slowly. “I do,” he said, “but I also do not. Those are my words, but they are not the last that I will have spoken to you.”

“Apparently not,” Grantaire said. “Though how I wish that they were.”

“What do you—” For the third time in as many minutes, Enjolras broke off as realization hit him. “Because if they had been, I would be your soulmate.”

Grantaire couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. “Long have I imagined what it would be like to hear those words,” he murmured, so quietly that Enjolras could barely hear him. “What might my soulmate be like, to have such harsh words be the last spoken to me? But then I met you, and I knew, if there was any from whom I could hear those words fall off his lips and have them be sweeter than any confession of love…”

He trailed off, and Enjolras bowed his head, his chest feeling tight. He could not pretend that he had been fully unaware of the way Grantaire looked at him, or spoke to him, but to have it confirmed like this was more than he thought he could bear. Especially now, with those words between them and so little time left. “So when I said them earlier…”

“I knew that if I were to die, it would be worth it to know that you were my soulmate.”

Grantaire delivered the words evenly, even as Enjolras looked away. “I am sorry,” he said finally. “For what I said, and for all I have said after if I have ruined what peace you found.”

“May I ask one thing of you?”

Enjolras glanced over at him. “If it is again to black my boots…”

Grantaire barked a laugh. “No,” he said. “I wish to know what words are marked on your skin.”

Enjolras hand flew almost immediately to the words on the inside of his arm, and he rubbed them subconsciously. “I am not certain what good it would do now,” he hedged. 

“Perhaps none. But that does not change the fact that I wish to know.”

Enjolras hesitated before bowing his head in acquiescence and rolling his shirtsleeve up until the words were revealed, as dark and imposing as they had been when first they had appeared so many years before. He thrust his arm toward Grantaire, who bent his head to read the words silently to himself. Then he straightened and met Enjolras’s eyes. “I have seen the problem.”

Enjolras frowned, rolling his shirtsleeve down again. “What problem?”

Grantaire nodded toward his arm. “I’ve once asked you for permission to do anything.”

Enjolras laughed, a sharp, surprised sound. “I suppose not,” he agreed.

“And I doubt that even now I shall suddenly start.”

“Again, I suppose not.” Enjolras hesitated. “I have never given much thought to my soulmate, even to the idea in general. What good is a soulmate found only at death? My concern is with the rights of the living. Including the right to never find their soulmate if they do not wish.”

Grantaire’s eyes flew to his. “I would never dream—” he started, but Enjolras shook his head.

“I know,” he said softly. “And yet, there is a part of me that now hopes that I will not go to my death without hearing you say those words.”

He would never know what possessed him to say it – undoubtedly, the same instinct that had driven him to wake Grantaire in the first place, the same instinct that had stopped him from removing Grantaire from their meetings all these years, the same instinct that drew them together when they were the last two in the Musain late at night. It was that same instinct that made him painfully aware how close they were even then, and how little effort it would take to close that space and press his lips against Grantaire’s.

But he was saved from that instinct by Grantaire saying, quietly, “I am sorry.”

Enjolras blinked, confused by the apology. “What for?”

“That I will never speak those words.”

“Even if I were your soulmate, I don’t think I could ever bring myself to.” Grantaire gave Enjolras a small, sad smile, and the breath seemed to catch in Enjolras’s throat. “To utter the words that would sever us...if those are the last words that I am to speak to you, then I would rather be struck dumb than speak our last.”

This time, when Enjolras again felt the instinct to close the space between them, he did not fight it, leaning in to kiss Grantaire. Grantaire was frozen for a brief moment before melting against Enjolras, curling one hand in Enjolras’s shirt and pulling him even closer. Enjolras reached up to cup Grantaire’s cheek, kissing him desperately, the weight of the moment leaving him wishing he could stretch the kiss into infinity.

But all too soon, he knew he had to pull away, to end the moment, because he knew Grantaire would never have been able to bring himself to. “I love you,” Grantaire told him, his hand still balled in Enjolras’s shirt, and Enjolras covered his hand with his own, squeezing his hand gently.

“I know.”

“Will you do one more thing for me?” Enjolras did not answer, just looked at Grantaire expectantly, and Grantaire swallowed, hard, before asking, a little hoarsely, “Will you say them again to me?”

Enjolras knew instantly that he meant the words he had spoken earlier, the ones written on Grantaire’s skin. “Grantaire—” he started, the name sticking in his throat.

“Please.”

Enjolras released Grantaire’s hand. “I cannot,” he said softly. “They were needlessly cruel then, and unspeakably so now.”

Grantaire just lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Perhaps,” he said. “And yet, I am asking you to.”

Enjolras tilted his head, trying to read Grantaire’s expression. “Why?”

“Because hearing you speak those words again…I will go to my death with a smile. It is all I have ever wanted, to hear those words from you. And I beg of you the chance to hear them again.”

Again, Enjolras’s chest felt unbearably tight. “Grantaire—”

“I have been resigned to my fate for longer than you could ever know,” Grantaire told him, though there was no resignation in his expression. Just something as close to hope as Enjolras had ever seen there. “Will you not do me this last kindness?”

“Grantaire—”

Grantaire’s expression did not flicker. “One way or another, I die with this barricade. So I beg of you, let me die in peace knowing, for however brief, that you were mine.”

For the third time, Enjolras said his name, but this time, it was not to deny him. “Grantaire—” He could barely speak around the lump in his throat, but he knew he must. He owed Grantaire this much. “You are incapable of believing—” Grantaire’s eyelids fluttered closed and Enjolras could not help himself, reaching out to again touch Grantaire’s cheek, his fingers so pale against the flushed skin. “—of thinking, of willing, of living—” His voice broke, and Grantaire opened his eyes and reached up to lay his hand over Enjolras’s, turning his head to press a kiss, featherlight, against Enjolras’s palm. “—of dying.” 

They stayed like that for a long moment until Grantaire let go of Enjolras’s hand. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Now go. And if the Lord is kind, I will see when I wake.”

Enjolras bowed his head and swallowed, hard, before nodding, just once, and retreating from the Corinthe without speaking another word.

It was done.

And he had a battle to prepare for, one he hoped would make him forget how much, in that moment, he wished to hear Grantaire say the words marked on his own skin.

----------

It was fitting, in a twisted sort of way, that Enjolras found himself back there, not even twelve hours later, backed into a corner with the barrels of twelve guns aimed at him. 

They had offered to bandage his eyes, but Enjolras wished to stare down his death with what defiance he had remaining. He lifted his chin as the sergeant repeated his order, “Take aim!”

But then, another voice shouted from beyond them, a voice that Enjolras knew, a voice he had resigned himself to never hearing again: “Long live the Republic! I am one of them.”

There were no words that Enjolras could muster as Grantaire crossed the room to stand next to him, but he did not need any. 

His words to Grantaire would be his last. For whatever peace it might bring both of them.

“Finish up both at one blow,” Grantaire said to the sergeant before turning to Enjolras.

As their eyes met, Enjolras understood, finally. Romantic, his mother had called the words on his arm, because she had envisioned them said by a doting spouse at the end of a long life. But she could never have imagined how much more beautiful they would be when spoken by someone he had not realized until too late was the one person who could ever have been his soulmate, the one with whom he would die in service of the idea of freedom for all men.

“Do you permit it?” Grantaire asked. The first, last and only time Grantaire had ever asked his permission. The only time he had ever needed to.

And Enjolras wordlessly pressed his hand with a smile.

[maybedefinitely404]

Day 10: Dukexiety

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 10: You are born with a birthmark, similar to a tattoo, that is shared by your soulmate.

Content warnings: allusions to past suicidal thoughts, just bad mental health past in general, vague bullying, swimming pools, past isolation, minor injury (broken ribs), general anxiety and self deprecation.

Word count: 3.9k

I was very low on time, and very exhausted from work, so I tried something new! I first discovered the concept of ‘bullet fics’ from @illogicallyinclined ‘s hockey au, GO CHECK IT OUT!!! (It’s living in my head rent free for a couple months now)

Virgil, Patton, Logan, and Roman have been friends for as long as they can remember. The first three met at a neighborhood barbecue when they were just a couple years old, and since they all live on the same block, became each other’s go to play buddies. They all stuck together in their first years of school together, the unbreakable trio, and then they met Roman. Or, Roman was pulled into their clutches and was therefore part of the group now. Patton saw him getting bullied across the playground and ran in to help, and now Roman is ‘eternally in their debt’. But they like him, so his extravagance is okay. 

They hung out constantly, all throughout middle and highschool, and they graduated together. It was a big moment for all of them; Patton, who almost got left a grade behind several times (his dyslexia went undiagnosed for several years and he was simply categorized as ‘dumb’), Virgil, who almost didn’t make it due to a mental health crisis, Logan, who was pressured heavily by his parents to move up a grade and had to fight tooth and nail to stay with his friends, and Roman, who’s bullying problems didn’t exactly lessen through the years, and was more than relieved to be leaving that behind. 

That summer, they pledge (mostly by Roman’s pleading) to try and do something fun every day. While Logan says this is improbable and Virgil groans at the thought of spending every day socializing, Patton is excited for the idea and “it’s two against two so you have to at least try!”

“That logic doesn’t make sense-” “Shut it, teach, just let us have this.”

So far, they’ve gone to the amusement park just out of town, gone to the park too many times to count, visited their local arcade that they hadn’t even stepped foot into since middle school, and tie-dyed a variety of clothing items in Patton’s backyard. Today, Patton is forcing them all to go to the pool, despite Logan claiming that they’re “feces infested, germ nesting grounds” and Virgil’s argument that “he burns like an unwatched pot of milk, how can you expect this from me”, Patton’s little puppy eyes do them all in.

Unfortunately, just as they’re leaving for the pool, Roman gets a call. At first it’s civil, and then his voice raises, and then he’s hanging up and throwing his phone onto his seat from where he’s standing next to the open car door. Angrily, he tells his friends that his mom got called into work and his dad’s on a business trip, so they need to take his brother with them.

At first, this raises some confusion.

“I was not under the impression that you had a little brother.”

“How old is he? Either way, I say, the more the merrier!”

Virgil is not thrilled at the idea of babysitting, since kids generally don’t like him, but he doesn’t voice his displeasure. 

Roman has to admit, with much embarrassment, that it’s actually his twin, who is just so chaotically irresponsible that he has lost Home Alone Privileges. He’s broken the TV, accidentally started fires, and lost their dog one too many times and his parents said no more. 

So he drives all the way back to his house, the three friends crammed into the back seat of his two door sedan (because the seats are A Pain to raise and lower and it makes more sense to give said brother the front seat instead of rearranging when they get him), grumbling under his breath about his stupid brother, stupid work, stupid stupid stupid-

Virgil is apt to agree with him, because if being around his three closest friends is enough interaction to mentally exhaust him, adding a new person to the mess is so much worse. He’s generally unexcited to meet this new person… until they pull up to the driveway.

And holy heck. 

This man is GORGEOUS. 

It takes a second for him to realize it’s Roman’s brother, because despite his first assumption, the two are not identical. They’re very similar, obviously related, for sure, but they are surprisingly easy to tell apart, and it’s not just because of the silver streak in the brother’s hair.

Which he should not find as hot as he does.

After Roman insists said brother does need to go get a bathing suit and no you can not go swimming in your jeans, he jumps into the passenger seat and, with as much energy as Roman has at Full Potential, introduces himself as Remus to the backseat audience. 

Patton and Logan both say small hello’s, but Virgil is just stuck.

Dear lord. Princey, why have you been hiding him from me?

When they get to the pool, Virgil makes a complete fool of himself getting out of the car. He trips on his seatbelt, landing directly in Remus’ arms, and looks up to see this devil man grinning at him with all the hubris of a greek god. Before he can say anything, Virgil pushes himself up and rolls his eyes (all while internally screaming) and walks away, joining Patton and Logan where they are just entering the main gate. 

He can’t help it; when in proximity of cuteness, his emergency mode is “be a dick”.

But it only gets worse from there.

When Virgil has an umbrella properly set up above a chair so he can save his skin from the sun (“I burn like unwatched milk on a stove. I’m not going in.”) and is comfortably situated with his phone and iced coffee, Remus steps in front of him to take his shirt off. 

He’s pretty sure Remus didn’t even mean to. It just… happened to be directly in his line of sight. 

As soon as the shirt is above his head, Virgil chokes on his drink, squirting iced coffee out of his nose and going into a coughing fit. Patton rubs his back while Roman tries not to laugh (and fails miserably), all while Remus is just watching him. Confused. (Logan is in the change rooms, because he insists on not wearing his bathing suit unless he is actively about to swim)

There’s more than just the sun issue that prevents Virgil from swimming. While his friend’s soulmarks are relatively small (Roman has a little one on his neck, Logan and Patton have a shared one just above their ankles), Virgil’s is a huge splotch that covers his entire side, reaching from just above his top rib to where his waistband usually lies. It’s all squiggles and lumps; Virgil once compared it to a storm cloud, but the lightning streaks were tentacles. It’s all in all, just… A Mess. And he doesn’t really like it. No one he’s ever met has had a soulmark like that, and he hates standing out.

When Remus takes off his shirt, in all his muscled glory, Virgil can’t miss the matching soulmark that trails down Remus’ side. It’s his, no doubt about it, but… that can’t be right, can it? Remus is so… full of life, dangerous, the epitome of chaotic; he’s everything Virgil is not. More so, he’s terrified of what Remus must think of him. He’s nothing special, he’s just an anxious ball of angst. What if he’s disappointed in who the universe decided to stick him with? 

After he’s done choking on iced coffee, and Logan is back from the change room, he realizes Remus is long gone, in the deep end of the pool trying to gather as many foam noodles as he can. They check that Virgil is alright, and when he merely gives them a shaky thumbs up, they take it at face value and dive in. Except Logan, who uses the steps like a mature adult, you children. 

He lets the rest of his coffee sit in the sun, until the sun melts all the ice cubes and it’s lukewarm to touch and overall, just gross, because suddenly he has no appetite. Yeah, this guy is gorgeous and he’s hopelessly gay for him, but... soulmate? That’s a lot for anyone to take in, much less someone with forty seven different kinds of anxiety. /j

If Virgil was uneasy taking his shirt off before, he sure as hell isn’t doing it now. No matter how much Patton and Roman plead with him, he stays glued to his chair, eyes flickering from his friends playing Marco Polo to watching his soulmate Remus. He’s turned the pool noodles into a giant raft and is trying to balance on it, like an absolute idiot.

An extremely good looking idiot. 

Virgil can’t help but notice that… he’s all alone. Roman, Patton, and Logan barely even throw him the occasional glance, much less invite him to hang out with them in the water. Worse than that, he seems relatively fine with it. It could just be that he doesn’t want to intrude on his brother’s friend group, but Remus doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to have those boundaries. Which kind of insinuates that he’s used to being alone, and Virgil can’t help but empathize. 

He notices it a lot, actually. The group meeting Remus also coincides with Roman and Virgil becoming more close; less of a frenemy relationship, and more of an actual friendship. Patton is delighted, because this means the three of them get to hang out at Roman’s huge place more often without their constant bickering (because when it got bad at one of their houses, Virgil’s was never more than a ten minute walk away when Roman finally pushed his last button. Here, they were all stuck.)

And every time they go over, he can’t help but notice the loud music coming from Remus’ room, or the man just sitting on the couch watching TV (which he tends to do shirtless, which does not help Virgil at all), or irritating Roman’s parrot. All in all, doing things alone. It strikes a chord in Virgil’s heart, which is something he’d never admit to another person.

Maybe that’s why, in the following week when Roman has the grand idea to go on a mountain hike, Virgil quietly asks if they could invite Remus. At first, Roman is adamant. “He’ll just ruin things, he doesn’t appreciate nature, he’s annoying!” But Patton claims “The more the merrier” and Logan doesn’t have any particular stance, so he begrudgingly invites Remus.

Who very excitedly accepts. 

The trail Roman visited is quite a ways out of town, so they cram back into his tiny car and start the drive. Patton claimed shotgun, so him and Roman have derailed into an animated conversation about cartoons, while Logan just pops in his earbuds and leans his head against the window. For the longest time, Remus and Virgil sit in awkward silence, because neither of them could get a word in edgewise to the front seat conversation even if they tried, and they don’t… really… know what to say… to each other. 

It’s Remus who finally breaks the silence (shocker).

“Roman tells more you’re the one who wanted to invite me.”

“Yeah, well, you seemed lonely. And… I mean, you’re Roman’s brother. Can you really be that bad?”

He means it as a joke, but he sees the light in Remus’ eyes die slightly. The tone of his voice doesn’t falter though, remaining as joyful and quirky as always. 

“I’m a lot more fun than Roman. People just don’t like to see it that way.”

“Setting your kitchen curtains on fire is fun?”

“If you were there, you’d understand!”

And they keep talking, maybe trailing into borderline flirting, for the whole ride. Virgil is surprised at the lack of tenseness in his shoulders, because though Remus is loud and a little unsettling, he is incredibly patient when Virgil has trouble forming his sentences and doesn’t interrupt him when he’s talking; an incredible help to someone with crippling anxiety. Underneath his exterior, he’s actually… incredibly soft? What?

By the time they pull up to the trail, Remus is actually starting to grow on Virgil. Since Patton and Roman are still so into their debate, and Logan seems content listening to his music (or podcast, but who really knows), they continue talking as the hike starts. The shorter boy can’t help but glance at the other every few seconds, seeing their soulmark just peeking past the edge of his baggy tank top. If Remus notices, he says nothing. 

And he learns Remus was bullied a lot through school, just like Roman was, but instead of finding a group that supported him, he broke off as a lone wolf. He came off scary or maybe just a little bit crazy to anyone he tried to befriend, since his social skills were pretty lacking due to disuse and his incredible lack of filter, so he learned early that staying alone hurt less. And in that time, he just became more and more… Like That… because he literally never had peers to mature with. 

The hike is a long one. Remus is pretty eager to spill his guts, probably since he was never able to before, so Virgil feels obligated to do the same. He tells Remus about his anxiety, about his mental health issues during school, about his home life and his hobbies, and the fact that there are more people around just fades into the background. It could as well be just them, and Virgil starts to wish it was. 

So of course, that’s when everything goes to shit.

A mountain biker comes ripping down the path, too quick to even process, and Virgil is caught off guard. Of course, he’s not walking near the edge of the path, because he has some shred of common sense, but the bike speeding by him causes him to flinch and stumble to the side; an instinctual reaction. Except his instincts decided to not remember until the last second that he’s at the edge of the trail.

It’s almost like happening in slow motion, his foot goes over the edge, and he doesn’t realize what’s about to happen until his other foot is already off the ground, ready to take that next step back, and he’s falling. Luckily (as lucky as one can be in this situation), it’s not a straight drop, just a decently long, steep slope that’s essentially just a bunch of rocks and weeds. 

He hears his friends scream his name, sees a hand fly out to catch him, and it just snags the edge of his jacket before he’s freefalling for a split moment. One heart stopping, never ending, eternal and all too short moment of weightlessness where he twists his body, hoping to try and brace himself, and then he meets the slope.

Hard.

His breath leaves him in a wheeze and he distinctly hears a loud snap. Through his pain addled brain, he tries to stop his slide further down by grabbing anything; rocks, roots, dirt. It’s useless.

He stops naturally, on a small ledge several meters from the top before the slope continues. For a moment, he can only lay there, trying to breathe through the intense pain flaring through him pretty much everywhere, not to mention the sheer levels of pure panic numbing his thoughts. He stares at the clouds, watching them as they float by, each breath spreading fire through his torso but at the same time strangely numb.

And then, “VIRGIL!”

His eyes shoot open (wait, when did he close them?) to see Remus’ concerned face above his. If the messied state of his outfit is any indication, this man just slid down the slope to catch up to him. His hands are hovering above Virgil, scared to touch, but more scared that Virgil is going to keep falling.

“Fuck,” is Virgil’s eloquent response. He tries to take a deep breath, tries to do his breathing pattern to calm his nerves, but NOPE. Wrong move. 

He immediately gasps and his hands fly to his ribs, another flair of pain shooting up them. Remus’ hands grab his, pulling them away from his torso, holding them securely. “I think you have some broken ribs. That was… one hell of a fall. We need to get you back up to the trail though, okay?”

Virgil can only nod his head, allowing Remus to help him stand, biting his lip so hard to keep from crying out that his lip splits. It hurts.

Trust Logan to come up with ideas on the fly. The biker must have stopped when he realized Virgil had fallen (at least he didn’t just keep driving), because when Virgil opened his tear filled eyes, there was a bike tire just a few feet from his face. He followed the frame of the bike, up to where Roman was holding the other wheel and standing precariously on the slope. Logan is clinging onto his hand, one foot on the slope and one on the actual trail, and if Virgil has to guess, the biker and Patton are just out of sight, keeping Logan steady. 

Virgil knows it’s going to hurt before Remus even warns him that it will, watching the taller man get a good grip on the bike wheel, before holding Virgil’s wrist with as much force that can muster without actively cutting off circulation. Virgil holds onto his wrist in return, Remus gives a shout to go ahead, and the human/bike chain they’ve created begins to pull them up. 

And oh lord, if Virgil thought just laying down was painful, tripping and stumbling up a steep incline is another world altogether. This time, biting his lip doesn’t work and he lets out a few muffled cries as the team works together, Remus squeezing his wrist every time a choked sound escapes his lips, mind too full of pure agony to even curse.

When they finally step foot onto the trail again, Virgil is in tears, and he is too far gone to even care. The biker is incredibly apologetic, offering his contact information and bidding them adieu when they insist that they’re okay now, and takes off, at an admittedly much slower pace than he was at before. 

Logan, the only one of them with proper (and extensive) first aid training, forces Virgil to sit, giving him time to find a position that puts as little pressure on his ribs as possible, before crouching in front of him.

“Let me check if they’re broken.”

His hand reaches out towards Virgil’s shirt and all the alarm bells start BLARING. No. No, no, no, no, no. Before he can restrain himself, he reaches out and slaps Logan’s hand away, sending another wave of pain through him. The pain doesn’t matter though, not in comparison to Logan possibly revealing his soulmark. 

Logan doesn’t understand this reaction properly (when does he ever), so he tries again.

“Virgil, I need to check the extent of the damage. A cracked rib means you can still make it back to the car. A broken rib would require emergency services and probable air lifting to prevent further damage, like a punctured lung.”

“Fine,” Virgil hisses through clenched teeth, bitterly understanding his logic, “Just… don’t take the shirt off.”

He tries to say it to only Logan, but it’s clear the other’s heard it by the way they exchange confused glances. Yes, they’ve never seen Virgil without a shirt, except they’d always pegged that up to insecurities. Wouldn’t those take a back seat in a possible medical emergency? 

Logan complies, however, and slides his hand under the hem of his shirt without moving the fabric. He runs his hands slowly up each rib, concentrating heavily, until he reaches one midway up and Virgil yelps, instinctively flinching backwards.

Startled by the reaction (it’s his first time actually administering first aid like this, give him a break), Logan jumps back, forgetting his hand is still under Virgil’s shirt.

His hand moves up.

Virgil moves back.

And the hem of his shirt rises up his chest for just a moment.

A moment’s all that’s needed, though. When you notice something that you’ve seen yourself a hundred times over, admiring this way and that in the mirror to commit it to memory, it only takes a glance to recognize it.

Remus only needed that split second of the shirt riding up to notice the lower half of the soulmark, and he definitely did notice it, if the way his jaw drops is anything to go off of. Virgil winces again, not from pain this time, and looks down at his shoes, abhorring the awkward silence that ensues.

The other three don’t understand, watching the two of them with varying levels of confusion, until Remus blurts:

“Are you my soulmate?”

And everything clicks into place. Virgil nods mutely, still not looking up, afraid of his reaction. Would he be upset Virgil kept it a secret? Would he be disappointed? Would he would he would he-

“Oh thank GOD!”

That’s… not the reaction he was expecting. He looks up to see Remus grinning like a child on their birthday, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“I mean, if I’d want anyone to be my soulmate, it would be you! You don’t hate me, which a lot of people do, and you actually listen to me, which is nice, and not to mention you’re super hot, like the whole emo thing is just-”

“Remus!” Roman screeches, cutting him off, “You’re embarrassing him, let him breathe!”

It’s the first time Roman has ever come to Virgil’s defense, and he’s only vaguely happy about that. Truth is, he’s so much more wrapped up in the fact that Remus is actually happy that he doesn’t even notice Logan’s back to touching his ribs until another sharp pain brings him back.

“They’re definitely not broken. Fractured, at worst. Either way, you’re going to the hospital. Only question is, can you get down to the car?”

Virgil wants to nod, wants to go along with no problem, but he can barely take a step before his knees almost give out. If he could double over without making everything worse, he would. 

Remus doesn’t see this as a problem, though, eagerly offering Virgil to ride on his back until they get to the bottom. The shorter is, obviously, reluctant to this plan, seeing as how it’s a decently long trail and he isn’t that light, but damn, his soulmate insists, and next thing he knows, he’s gingerly holding onto Remus’ shoulders as he pushes back into a standing position.

(If he wasn’t already super hot, he’s strong, too? Virgil has struck the literal jackpot.)

He buries his face into the crook of Remus’ neck, trying not to wince at every jolt and bump as they maneuver their way down the hill, all conversation halted so they can focus on the two of them. Roman walks in front of them and Patton and Logan behind, ready to jump into action at any sign of stumbling. 

But it’s okay, it actually is, Virgil realizes as they’re making their way down the hill. Sure, they only really bonded today, but they also bonded in a day, and if that’s not telling of the future they’ll have together, whether romantic or platonic (they still need to talk that out), it’s gonna be okay.

Anyone who’s willing to throw themselves into harm's way and carry you down a mountain has got to be a worthy soulmate.

[bold-writing]

The One With Whiskey Eyes || 5 || Soft Tones in Which to Whisper

Warnings: Mentions of abuse.

Words: 3200+

Previous || Next

~5~

Barry made sure that Iris was wrapped tightly in his jacket when they left the café, her second cup of tea cradled between her hands to keep her palms warm. Her arms were through the sleeves this time, making her look absolutely tiny with how much she had to bunch it at the wrists to free her hands. Barry had also been able to slip her arm through his before she could stick it in her pocket, so she was pressed close to his side as they made their way in the direction of her apartment building.

 Barry and the others had walked this street many times, but they’d never realized that their soulmate was so close. She lived between where he lived and where Dr. Fletcher’s office was located, a comfortable walking distance between both. It made him wonder if that was the fate of the soulmark at work. Was she drawn to where he lived and instinctively moved close?

A particularly strong gust of wind nearly blew Iris’s hood back but Barry was sure to catch it before it could expose her now-dry hair. He’d already finished his tea at the previous intersection, throwing in into the overflowing garbage can that was near the street-lamp.

 “Thanks,” she stuttered, shivering against the cold that went down her neck. His coat definitely helped, however, so she wasn’t nearly as cold as she could have been. “I didn’t really think before I left my apartment. Fletcher had called me and when I found out you were there, and you were struggling as bad as me…”

 “I don’t hold it against you,” Barry assured. The smile that he offered made her heart flutter softly, clutching her cup a bit tighter between her hands.  “You were worried about me?”

 “Yea,” she admitted, nodding against the urge to duck her head down in a mixture of shame and embarrassment. “I hated that I knew you weren’t sleeping and it was because of me.” A strong shiver wracked through her body, causing her to tremble against him. “So I kinda ran out without a coat…”

 His smile remained endearing as he gently tugged her arm to draw her in closer, feeling when she rested her head on his bicep. “Well I’m touched,” he teased while she tipped her head enough that it was still resting on his arm but she could look up at him. “Are we close?” he asked calmly, turning to look around them. It was late enough that there was no one else out—even the road was empty of cars.

 “Yea, right through the intersection,” she answered while motioning ahead of them. “See the three story white brick building? I’m on the top floor, far right.”

 Barry looked over the building that she was pointing at. It wasn’t anything fancy or expensive looking. The building had probably been there for as long as the city was around—he was pretty sure the walls were more paint than brick at this point. However, he also knew from the short hours that he and Iris had been talking, she was simple and easily pleased. She didn’t want anything fancy or expensive, and comfort was found as long as it was her own space.

 “How long have you lived there?”

 Iris’s lips pursed as she quickly backtracked the time she had spent in that apartment. “Just over three years this summer. The previous place I was in was great, but the landlord kept raising my rent more and more and eventually I couldn’t afford it. So I left.”

 “How much are you paying for this place? If you don’t mind me asking.” Barry tapped the walk signal when they reached the intersection, able to see the building more clearly from the new vantage.

 “Eight-hundred, all inclusive,” she answered honestly, sounding slightly proud of herself. “I was almost at eleven-hundred at the previous place and it was almost the same size, so I’m rather happy with this one.” Barry was relieved to know that she wasn’t being too overcharged for her place, but he knew that small studio apartments were always more than they were really worth.

 He was definitely relieved to be where he was, especially since there was enough space for each of the alters to have a room of their own. That thought made him wonder about bringing Iris over to the Zoo sometime soon, but he knew that he should wait for her to meet some of the others first. She knew they existed and she seemed okay with the idea, but it was very different to know something in theory than be faced with it in reality.

 Once they had crossed the intersection to get to Iris’s building, Barry found himself growing more and more reluctant to let her go. “I live just down that way,” Barry started abruptly, motioning in the direction they had been heading all evening, passed Iris’s apartment. “It’s…a bit of a peculiar place to live, but we need a certain set-up for all of us, ya know?”

 “Peculiar?” Iris repeated as her face scrunched up faintly in thought. What exactly did peculiar entail?

 “Yea…” Barry sudden quieted, not wanting to bring it up. What kind of place to live was the old basement of a zoo? If not for Dennis that place probably wouldn’t even be considered sanitary or liveable. “I mean, it’s not any regular apartment, and we don’t really have enough money for a house that would fit everyone, so-”

 Iris interrupted his rambling softly with a call of his name, “Barry.” Her hand came to rest on his cheek, still warm from her tea even though the cool wind had been battling against her bare skin. “I’ve lived my whole life with a ‘peculiar’ set-up. Believe me, I’ve come to live with a very…open mind.”

 “I…really?” Barry breathed in relief, letting his shoulders relax as he leaned into her touch ever so gently. Iris smiled up at him at the action, her whiskey eyes looking like amber beneath the streetlight. Her thumb stroked against his cheek gently to further calm him, while she openly stared up at him with surprising adoration.

 Looking down at her now, he truly did want to do nothing more than protect her; to shield her from the world that they had been brought into—a world that was too much for Kevin. Wrapped in his large coat, her hand barely visible as it cradled her cup to her chest, the other continuing to caress his cheekbone, she looked so tiny and frail.

 “Do you-” Iris began but stopped suddenly, almost as though she was second-guessing herself. Shaking her head, an action that told him she was trying to dispel bad thoughts, she continued, “Would you like to come up? I think it’s time I was completely honest as well.”

 As though to stop her, Barry’s hand came up to clasp the one resting on his cheek and held her in place. “What do you mean, completely honest?”

 “I haven’t lied to you,” she assured, knowing how her words must have come across. “But…I assume Dr. Fletcher brought some things up that she knew about me and I feel I should be as open with you as you have with me. You told me the truth about the other identities—the other marks—and about Kevin and how you all came to be in order to keep him safe. I only want to return the favour, and be open with you in return.”

 Using the hand that Barry was holding, Iris turned and gently tugged him after her. Of course he could have stopped her if he was opposed to the idea, but in complete honesty he was just glad that they didn’t have to part ways just yet. So, instead, he let her lead him into the building. It was relieving to see that the front door was locked, Iris only releasing his hand to briefly turn the lock before she had reclaimed it and was guiding him to the stairs. Once they were in the stairwell, away from the doors of the other tenants, she explained quietly that the building didn’t have an elevator.

 In turn, he had commented that it was no wonder she was so skinny.

 She didn’t release his hand until they had arrived to her floor, pulling out her keys once more as she quietly opened the door to her own apartment. Slipping in as though trying to hide something, she looked mildly hesitant when she glanced back at him before she offered a shy smile and stepped aside.

 Having Barry enter her apartment only made the small studio look even tinier. He wasn’t overly tall, maybe bordering on six feet, but he was still much taller than her and he was more than twice as broad. Her apartment wasn’t too cold, but Iris almost immediately moved to turn on her little heater just to be extra certain. Once the faint hum of the heater filled the space, Iris turned to look over to Barry to gauge his reaction.

 His attention was away from her for the moment, looking around the small space. Upon entering, her bed was only a few feet away and the kitchen sat a few feet across from the foot of the bed, one step up to elevate it from the ‘bedroom’. The closet-alcove was to the right of the entrance—the kitchen to the left—and the door to the bathroom was on the opposite side of the bed on the wall the headboard was pressed against. Two small windows allowed her to look out onto the street they had just been on, sealed tight and always locked.

 “I know it’s not much—it’s absolutely tiny, really—but it’s home,” she mumbled while setting her cup onto the nearest counter and began to pull off Barry’s jacket.

 “It suits you,” he answered in complete honestly, looking away from her simple kitchen to offer her a smile instead. “Where I live may be bigger, but I do share it with twenty-two others, so…”

 Iris smiled in relief at his acceptance as her heart calmed. “Well, uhm…I don’t suppose you want another tea?” When Barry laughed and shook his head, Iris flushed slightly and nodded in agreement. She’d been prepared to make him anything if he asked for it—she wasn’t accustomed to having company over. “Well, you can get comfortable? Look around?” she offered, motioning to her sparse belongings. “I’ll just be a minute.”

 Turning into the bathroom and quickly shutting the door, Iris took a moment to calm herself.

 She’d met her soulmate.

 She’d gone back for him.

 And now he was standing in her apartment.

 Knowing that if she stopped she was going to overthink everything, Iris just turned away from the door and barely glanced at her reflection on her way into the room. She hadn’t properly wiped off her makeup from work so the black of her mascara and eyeliner had run down to make the shadows worse beneath her eyes, and her hair was an absolute mess from not having been brushed.

 Instead of bothering to make herself presentable after having been with him as she was for so many hours, Iris just wiped her fingers beneath her eyes to remove excess makeup, and pulled her long hair into a tail over her shoulder.

 Washing her hands and taking one brief moment to collect herself, Iris unlocked the door and stepped out. Barry was now standing in her kitchen as he looked at the wall of teas that she had been accumulating—majority of which were new from the past week of no sleep. He turned to look at her when he heard the door open and pointed to the display in front of him.

 “That’s a lot of tea,” he commented in awe, getting a laugh from Iris that she tried desperately to smother and only ended up snorting through her nose. That only made Barry laugh as he looked at her sheepish face endearingly.

 “I was hoping an herbal tea would help me sleep, so I went a bit overboard,” she admitted with a timid shrug, tugging on the hem of her large sweater. “You sure you don’t want one?” she asked again, however, he declined again. Instead, he politely excused himself to the washroom as Iris moved to the kitchen to take the kettle out of the sink from where she had dropped in when Fletcher called earlier.

 It had only been a few hours but somehow it felt like days since the setback she had in the shower, and since Fletcher had spooked her into dropping the kettle. It also brought to her attention that she hadn’t eaten dinner. However, the distraction of everything had her forgetting all about her hunger. The tea had at least filled her enough that her stomach wasn’t a bother.

 She had just placed her keys and cellphone on the counter when Barry stepped out of the washroom. Iris only gave a brief glance in her peripheral as he was stepping out, but she had to turn for a full look when she realized he had removed his gloves and beanie while he was in there. The sight of his closely buzzed hair, so close to being shaved that she figured it was probably just growing out. She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting to be under the beanie, but somehow she couldn’t picture him with any other style than that.

 Barry noticed the stare she had on his head and reached up to self-consciously rub at it. The prickly texture was something he was still getting used to, having shaved it for so long. “Not the smartest hair-style for winter, huh?”

 His comment made Iris realize that she had been staring and guilt tugged at her gut. “Maybe not, but it suits you,” she assured with a smile. “And it’s a good thing you look good with a beanie.”

 The unsure posture that Barry was standing with disappeared with her comment, the easy-going smile coming back. “So, you wanted to be completely honest?” he prodded gently, returning their earlier conversation to the forefront. Iris was relieved that he had, otherwise she probably would have lost the nerve and tried to dance around the subject.

 Motioning for him to sit on the bed, which was the only place to sit since she had no table or chairs, Iris joined him once she had kicked off her shoes and crossed her legs under her. “I said earlier that I hadn’t finished school,” she began, getting an encouraging nod from Barry when he remembered that particular comment. She’d been scared when she’d said it, he realized, but he would never judge her for that. “It’s because I ran away from home when I was fifteen. I had to get away from my parents, so I just left.”

 Barry’s hands clenched against the gloves he was holding, causing the tendons to pop out against the backs of his palms.

 “I lived on the streets for a bit, saving all the money I could and working odd jobs. Most of the time I stayed in shelters. When I was eighteen, I worked really hard to get a permanent job so I could find a place to live. At first I worked as a hostess in a restaurant, but the people were so rude that I left. That’s when I applied for Pages of the World, and I’ve been there ever since.”

 Barry’s throat felt raw when he spoke up, “You didn’t have a home?” he forced out, hating how the words made his chest ache.

 Iris reached out to take his hands in hers gently while coaxing the death grip he had on his gloves to relax. “For two years, no, I had no home. But I learned a lot in that time. My parents taught me to love my marks, because nothing they could do would ever take them from me; and being out on the streets taught me to love and cherish the few things I had. That’s why a tiny apartment with one good coat and some overpriced tea leaves is all I really need.”

 He released his gloves to turn his hands over and take her hands within his, letting his large hands cradle the small, delicate fingers that had tenderly brushed along his skin.

 “You said you lived somewhere peculiar, so all of you could have space. I’ve shared bunks with girls younger than me, who ran from homes far worse than mine. I’ve slept in alleys before—and that did not always end well. But, again, I learned from it.”

 Thinking back to the time she had spent on the street, as brief as it may have been, made Iris’s eyes burn with tears as memories flooded her mind. She had good memories of people she had met and things she had accomplished, but just like with her parents there were always things to tarnish the good memories—but only if she let them. Some things stuck around—she was still afraid of entering a room with a door too wide open because of the fear that someone will force themselves in behind her, or that her marks would be seen and she’d be chased across town by the unmarked.

 Barry immediately caught on to the glistening of her eyes, instantly knowing that they were unshed tears. Releasing her hands to instead take her into his arms like he had in Fletcher’s building, Barry softly shushed her as he shuffled in close to her body. “It’s alright, Sweetheart, ain’t nothing gunna get you now. You’ve got us on your side, and we protect our own.”

 Iris released a laughing sob as she nodded against his shoulder, but remained leaned in close. Barry didn’t seem to mind what-so-ever and continued to hold her close as he rocked her from side to side, continuing to whisper assurances against her hair and into her ear. She shook faintly against his body as she leaned into him, her breath hot against the side of his neck as she tried to regulate her breathing to calm herself down.

 Breathing in Barry’s smell as she leaned against him to take in his warmth, Iris came to realize why so many people seemed to change entirely after they had met their soulmate. There was a shift in everything. The world faded back and they came to find the relaxation of having their destined other half there.

 Iris had never felt calmer or more welcome than when she was being held by Barry, and she was sure that when she met the other identities it would be the same. Although she assumed they would all offer her different types of comfort; they would each offer her what they were meant to give.

 Barry could feel when she began to relax again, her steady breaths offering her a reprieve as she leaned heavily against him. She felt as though she weighed nothing, so it was easy when Barry manoeuvred the two of them down to lay on the mattress with their heads hitting the soft pillows. Iris didn’t react immediately, but she soon curled into him until her head was tucked beneath his chin once more.

 “Will you stay?” she asked sleepily a few minutes later, lying nearly limp against him.

 Barry, who was feeling the same lure of sleep, gave a sleepy smile against her hair as he nodded. “Couldn’t chase me away, Sweetheart.”

 “Good,” she mumbled, sounding as though she was just barely on the cusp of awareness. “Because I already messed up once.”

Previous || Next

[miraculouspaon]

2020 End of Year Recap!

2020 was an awful year for writing. My output had already taken a hit after Ciara was born, but I was still getting out a chapter a month or so on main fics, plus sporadic updates here and there on side pieces. This year...not so much. I lost my job last November, and at the beginning of the year decided to take the plunge into an entire career change, say goodbye to actuarial work, and open up a math tutoring center. This felt like a scary-but-exciting decision in January and felt very different a few months later, after I was completely financially committed. If I had it to do all over I’d still go for it, but yeeeeesh was it way more stressful and hard than I could have predicted twelve months ago. Between getting a new business off the ground, suddenly becoming a full-time stay-at-home mom and navigating a global pandemic, there was very little time or mental energy left for writing this year.

But! The advantage to this is I can actually list every single update I made this year and it’ll be readable. So let’s do it!

1/6: Imogene. Hnnnngh. I just really like this one, guys. It should have been posted in 2019 but I got an extension, and it was worth the wait. I poured all my love of existential angst and questions of personhood into this one, and I’m very proud of the end product. This is the first year I haven’t done ML Secret Santa, so maybe go back and read this one if you missed it last Christmas.

1/21: Aftershocks. This was a nice little Ferd-centric piece set within Heroes, mostly focused on the toll the occupation took on him. Ferd usually shows up in relation to Jonathan, so it’s nice to kind of take a step back and let him be his own character for a bit. If I update this fic ever again, the next chapter will probably be about Prince Stephen, who has like this whole badass Occupation story that lives in my head rent-free and it would be nice to actually publish it, even if Stephen is like a level 3 OC several degrees removed from anything in the actual source material, so maybe I’m the only one who cares about him.

1/30: Sins of the Father Chapter 9. Oh, poor Sins of the Father. I have some very lofty goals for it but they just didn’t really come together this year, so its only update was almost an entire year ago. At least this chapter had some nice character interactions- we got to see Dad!Guardian Nino coach Amira, Adrien and Darcy worked through some shit, and the kwami dropped some exposition re: soulmarks. I have some good ideas for the next chapter but actually writing it has turned out to be a different story, alas.

3/8: The Past is a Foreign Country Chapter 9. Gabriel Agreste Attacks His Granddaughter With A Sword: The Sequel. Also the chapter where AU!Jonathan quips that Emma is from the Mirror Universe, which was fun for me as a Trekkie and also fun just because I like the idea of the main canon universe being the one that’s actually all bleak and awful to everyone else-and after the 2020 we just had, who among us can’t relate?

5/26: The Rose and the Thorn. Almost three months without posting anything BUT this was a five chapter, 18k fic that I had to post all at once since it was part of an event, so really it’s five updates. This might be my favorite fairy tale AU I’ve done? I really love how I was able to adapt the original story to fit the characters of ML. The Beast as a bitter widower instead of a spoiled brat in particular worked very nicely, I think.

6/5: What You Have Tamed Chapter 6. Me at my most shameless, writing AUs of AUs for my pet OCs, I love them. There’s a lot of ways a Ferdithan AU could go, and I spent a lot of time daydreaming about various scenarios. This one preserves more of the canon tragedy than others, but it’s got a kind of gentleness to it I really enjoy.

6/11: Luna Moth Chapter 11. An entire YEAR after chapter 10 went up and I actually managed to finish it. Never say never!

7/2: What You Have Tamed Chapter 7. The conclusion of the Ferdithan Soulmate AU. Very good odds there will be more Ferdithan AUs after this, you guys are all enablers.

7/11: The Past is a Foreign Country Chapter 10. Not much actually happens in this chapter. Jonathan and Gabe have a nice talk in this one, and it was nice to take a closer look at the ways in which this alternate reality is better, and the ways in which it’s maybe not as different as the characters would expect. Emma is also compared to her grandmother, which nobody in her reality has ever done even though she and Adele have plenty in common. Sometimes the people closest to us can’t see the forest for the trees, so it’s nice for Emma to get an outside perspective on her and her situation.

8/27: The Past is a Foreign Country Chapter 11. A little more happens in this chapter, most notably the reveal that it’s Simon’s young son who’s been responsible for (some of) the errant portals, and not Simon himself. We should get deeper into the full implications of that next chapter, whenever that may be.

12/20: Better Halves Chapter 2. Four months of nothing, and then I go and update a fic that’s been dead for almost four years. I’ve never been prouder of myself.

And that’s it! Eleven updates in twelve months, not spread out particularly evenly, and some of them more substantial than others. A bad year for my main fics, but a good year for dusting off old WIPs at least. Here’s to a more fruitful 2021!

[avauntus]

Supernatural - a retrospective

This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*

But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*

Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)

My top five

#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”

Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’) 

I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.

 #4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”

Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter

Supernatural  has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.

I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue* 

#3 -  6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”

Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund

Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.

I mean, look at this:

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”

“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”

The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level. 

#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough

I think of this episode every time  I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying. 

“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.

#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”

Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners

So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people. 

But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?

Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.

Others--

15.18 - “Despair” 

“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”

Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.

You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...

Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.

This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn’t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...

...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.

I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.

This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.

Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”

6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”

“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)

Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.

Then they never returned to that idea again. 

“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?

Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?

Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.

Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)

Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?

[anthropologicalhands]

fic writer interview

tagged by the lovely @catty-words and @redbelles!

Name: Ellie

Fandoms: I still love Crazy Ex Girlfriend, but in the last few months have jumped right back into YuYu Hakusho, the shounen anime of my childhood, and has rapidly consumed most of my comfort-seeking brainspace. With the new game, Mass Effect is threatening to do the same thing. I was also in the Naruto and Thor fandoms a few years back.

Where you post: ao3 and here. I used to post on lj and ffn.net, but those accounts are gathering dust now and that’s fine. 

Most popular oneshot: vigil of the loved by like...so much. but that’s what happens when you post a fic right after a decade-plus long manga series wraps up and there’s a crazy fandom rush. But I’m proud of that one, so it’s cool.

Most popular multi-chapter fic: I don’t really do multichapter fics, unless you count oneshot collections, so the winner by default it would be don’t need no ammunition (ain’t the bridge that’s falling down), my Thor AU where everything turns out fine and nothing needs to hurt.

Favorite story you’ve written: gahhh that’s a hard one! I think I still love my soulmark au an ungodly amount, because I feel like it executed so much better than i was expecting it to, plus for once i wrote the tropefic I wanted to write! t just makes me so happy.

Fic you were nervous to post: I’m always nervous about posting fics, but a recent one was definitely gifts (to be coveted), because I don’t really know the canon or the fandom beyond what I read secondhand/snippets of episodes I watched for the Memori dynamic. So I was terrified, to the point that I originally posted the fic anonymously.

...actually, these days I’m going through a whole phase where I am terrified of everything I write, because none of it is meeting my standards, which is deeply aggravating.

How you choose your titles: I’m all over the place with titles. I lean more and more towards poetry and lyrics these days, but I usually tweak a word or two to make it more fun or fit the meaning better.

Do you outline: I do! They aren’t very detailed outlines most of the time, and I don’t feel compelled to stick with them, but they definitely help me organize my thoughts. sometimes it’s just a list of bullet points. what I do more often is freewrite about a character’s state of mind, to help me better get into their headspace.

Complete: 79 complete fics and the rest are all oneshot collections.

In progress: 10...plus, it depends on what you define as WIP. I have 10 WIP that I do plan on posting and are far enough along that posting is an actual possibility. But there’s always more...

Coming soon/not yet started: if I could ever figure out how Rebecca’s curse works, there is the CEG Howl’s Moving Castle AU that lives in my head rent free. Right now, though, my brain is very stuck on YYH, including everything about Kurama and Hiei’s very weird dynamic, Yusuke and Keiko’s normal-but-not romance, Kuwabara being dragged into shenanigans, Kurama + Mukuro’s theoretical conversations—there’s a lot.

…also telepathy au (CEG) will, one day, see the light.

Do you accept prompts: always! while I can’t promise that I will write them, I always appreciate them.

upcoming story you are most excited to write: There’s a Shenanigans-at-the-third-Makai-Tournament fic that I am super excited to get started with. Just need to finish the series first (and get my ideas down for how these characters think).

tagging: @notbang, @coffeesuperhero, and whoever else wants to give it a go

[theeldestbruner]

Soul Script pt.2

Plance Fic, College AU, Soulmate AU

A/n

Thanks for coming back for another chapter! I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 2,319

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Katie stared at the solid wood door in front of her while dread settled into her heart. He was going to freak out, wasn’t he? He had no idea she was going to show up today, and she’d done everything in her power to make sure he’d never know she was coming, it was a complete and utter surprise...which only scared her even more. A sigh escaped her lips, and she stared at her shoes. The best bet was just to knock and get it over with, like ripping off a bandage. Right? She stood there a moment more with her suitcase sitting on the floor next to her, and taking one last deep breath she prepared herself to knock with a determined gleam in her eye. It took a few moments, but eventually she heard someone messing with the doorknob and with a click it swung open. Matt didn’t seem to notice it was her at first, so he just opened it casually like he was expecting company. Then she could see the surprise hit him in the face and he smiled, pulling her into a massive hug and spinning her around.

    “Oh my gosh! Katie! What are you doing here?” he pulled away and looked at his little sister. “I thought you were still back with mom and dad in Denver?”he was so excited he almost sounded like a little kid who just got a puppy. Matt’s hair had gotten longer since she’d last seen him, like he was going for a ‘messy but smart’ vibe. She smiled back at him.

    “I kinda did my best to make this a surprise,” she said.

    “Well, it certainly is! How long are you staying for?” Lower in the building, the main door opened and someone started climbing the stairs. Matt’s apartment was only 302, it wouldn’t take long for someone to start listening in on them.

    “Let’s talk inside Matt, I’m gonna need a minute to explain everything thoroughly,” she said. He shrugged, and scooted over to make room for her to get through the door. She hurried in and sat down on his old brown leather couch, Matt closed the door right as the footsteps on the stairs could be heard passing by. He jumped over the back of the couch and flopped down on the other side from her.

    “So what brings you all the way out to lil’ ol’ Portland Pidge?” he asked.

    “I told you to stop calling me that, it doesn’t even make any sense,” she huffed, “mom and dad are going to sell the house since I was moving out soon anyway. But, I’ve been having a hard time finding an apartment, it’s been ridiculous trying to juggle it with classes and tutoring.” She looked over to make sure he was still listening, and Matt nodded and waved for her to keep talking. “So now it’s come to the point where their real estate agent is going to close on a smaller house on the North side of town and sell the old one while they disappear on a cruise for nearly a year. Soooo now I’m here! Surprise!” They sat in silence while Matt looked at the floor in thought, then scratched his jaw and looked back up at her. His smile was so sympathetic, it almost hurt.

    “You’ve had a rough couple months, huh Pidgie?” He stood like a rocket taking off into orbit, then grabbed her suitcase. A sunny smile across his face, it was so bright and cheery Katie almost had to block the light with her hand to keep from going blind. “Well, seems like you’re gonna be here for a while then! Let me give you the grand tour!” She got up as well and analyzed his expression, he really was just happy to have her here.

    “Thank you Matt, I promise that I’ll get a job as soon as possible and help with the rent. I’m not just going to be some freeloader.”

    “That’s sweet of you, but as you can see my job as a lab assistant makes my life in this little place quite comfortable,” Matt looked at the tiny kingdom he’d built for himself from the bottom up and grinned, “I want you to focus on your school work more than anything else. Come on, I wanna show you your room.” She nodded and followed him down a hallway, at first there was a bathroom on the left and then at the end was a fork that led to two different rooms. Matt walked into the room on the left. It was small, but just to the left of the door a full size mattress sat on the floor, and an armoire was tucked into the far corner with an open window next to it. There was a closed closet on the other side of the bed. That was it. She couldn’t really ask for more than that, she had just shown up totally out of nowhere.

    “Thanks Matt, I’m gonna get this stuff put away for now. There’s more in the car outside but I just really wanna relax.” He set the suitcase down and nodded, putting a hand on her shoulder.

    “That sounds good to me. I’m gonna go take a quick shower, once you’re done the place is free roam. I’ve got like a thousand snacks and some leftover chinese in the fridge, the TV has netflix, hulu, and showtime so you can pretty much watch anything.”

    “Wow, you’re pretty stacked on shows aren’t you?” she said with a raised eyebrow.

    “It’s the only way to get all the classics, you know. I can’t go a whole month without Leatherheads or Definitely Maybe, but they’re spread out. This way I can make sure I always get at least one of the movies I love.” Matt waved his hand and started to walk out the door. “Now stop making fun of me and make a room for yourself. There’s some sheets and a mink in the bottom drawer of the armoire. Sorry if they smell funny at all, I picked the mattress up with them for like 100 dollars from someone a few floors above me when his girlfriend left.”

    “Okay, thanks again Matt,” she said with a smile.

    “No problem Pidge,” he said, walking out of the room.

    “Stop calling me that!” Katie could hear him laugh in the hallway and then the bathroom door closed. She took a deep breath and decided to take a look out of the window, kind of take stock of her environment. It was missing a screen, but that was because it led out onto a fire escape with steps leading up and down the building. “Well, it must be a decently nice area if nobody broke in with the window like this.” With a shrug she dipped her head back in the room and began unpacking her bag. Hanging shirts, folding pants and pjs, making the bed using hideous mink with a picture of a pug on it from the close, laying a small alarm clock next to the bed, and finally pulling out a small green stuffed lion she’d gotten as a present from her dad as a kid, setting it down on the bed as though it were a priceless heirloom. Her eyes wandered over the room and tried to evaluate what else she might be able to do with it later, the bed being on the floor didn’t bother her so it would stay, but she would need to get a desk to work at. Katie’s left hand came up and started rubbing a spot right above her right collarbone. It was her soulmark.

    The day she turned fifteen had been extremely confusing, mainly because she’d been almost certain that her love for science and technology would keep her from ever leading a healthy relationship. Katie spent so much time on herself, she’d never considered that one day she’d have to spend some of that time on another person. Why should she receive a soulmark? It made sense for Matt, he was a big sap at heart. But when the feeling of a cool ocean breeze swept past her neck, and she’d looked down to see the script glowing to life on her skin in a deep blue she’d been a little annoyed. Permanently engraved on her skin, where everyone could see, was “Oops...My Bad.”

    Whoever her soulmate was supposed to be was sure to either be a clueless idiot or a clutz. For a long time she’d made it up in her mind that she would definitely tell them off for wasting such a profound moment on words like that. However, over time she’d come to find it almost endearing, in an annoying, irritating, and maddening way. Sure, they might be an idiot, but dammit if they weren’t going to be her idiot. Whenever her soulmark would light up and she noticed Katie would immediately place her hand over it. Sometimes it glowed for hours, and others it was just a quick flash. But all of them were reassuring and let her know that someone, somewhere, had her back. She’d needed that desperately when she’d said goodbye to her parents yesterday morning as they left for the cruise. But now she was here, living with her brother once again.

    There wasn’t a community college or university she’d ever been particularly drawn to attending, so instead she’d opted for online classes and was working towards a doctorate in Botany through them. It made it easier to move because this way she hadn’t had to worry about transferring to another college when she moved. Satisfied that she’d done all she could with the room for now Katie walked back towards the kitchen and living room, thinking that Matt’s leftover chinese sounded pretty good after the long drive. It was lemon chicken, a family favorite, and she practically sprinted to put it in the microwave once she realized. She could hear someone with very heavy feet in the apartment above this one walk over to a spot right above her.

    “No place is perfect I guess, I should just be grateful that the ceiling looks sturdy enough to hold up with people walking all over it.” While Katie was standing there and staring off into space, she absent-mindedly reached up and started rubbing her soulmark again. It felt warm, which she supposed made sense considering that the neck was on of the warmest parts of the body, but for a moment she entertained the thought that there might be another reason behind it. With a ding she pulled the styrofoam box out of the microwave and walked over to the couch, plopping down and reaching for the remote. She was in the mood for a good, old-fashioned rom-com. It had been ages since the last time Katie had last watched one, and the silly hopefulness matched her current mood perfectly. Netflix had exactly what she was looking for, What If was one of her movies. But she wasn’t even five minutes into it when she could hear someone running above her like a maniac and yelling, then there was a quiet thud and she became increasingly curious.

    “D-did somebody just get murdered? Did I just hear someone get killed?” Katie wasn’t even scared, she was more curious than anything else really. She waited, the movie paused and her ears perked up. Depending on how you viewed the situation, she was either very lucky or very unlucky that she didn’t have to wait long to hear something else. Except this time it was down the hallway, right in front of the bathroom. There was the sound of something cracking and then several loud thuds followed by a larger one, she reached for the first thing she could protect herself with and creeped down the hall. The bathroom door was blocked from opening by chunks of concrete, dust was flying everywhere, and sitting sprawled out on top of all the rubble was a boy. On the other side of the bathroom door, she could hear Matt pounding on it and trying to break it down, though she couldn’t understand what he was yelling

    She looked down at the boy that fell through the ceiling, he had cinnamon brown hair, chocolate skin, and navy blue eyes that popped out in contrast. His arms and legs were long and lanky, but look like they had a decent amount of muscle. He wore a gray baseball shirt with blue sleeves, jeans, and a pair of black converse. His hand reached up and began rubbing the back of his head, he’d probably hit it pretty hard during the fall?

    “Lance! Are you okay? Hang on buddy, I’ll be right down, just stay right there and don’t move!” Katie looked up and through the new hole in the ceiling she could see a larger person with an orange headband duck away before she heard a door open and close. What Katie hadn’t realized during all of this was that her soulmark was practically radiating like the sun, as did the boy’s in front of her. Blue and green light shined up and mixed into teal. She finally noticed the glowing words on his neck, and her heart leaped into her throat, oh no way. No way this was how they meet, right? Just then he lifted his head and looked at her, then at the mess of dust and concrete around him with his eyes growing wider by the second, and then back at her.

    “Oops...My bad,” he said. Katie just got angry at that point. She knew he was going to waste the first words on something stupid, but come on! That just blew every other stupid thing she’d ever heard out of the water.

    “What the fuck is WRONG with you?!” she yelled.

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[noirlevity]

Mismatch Final Chapter

Pairing: Nase Hiroomi/Kanbara Akihito Fandom: Kyoukai no Kanata A03 || ffnet Synopsis:

“What if your mark doesn’t match with mine?” Hiroomi said a little bit shy while the were playing in the sand box.

Little Akkey had been very sure they would match.

“We would match!” Akkey flashed a smile at Hiroomi. He grabbed the raven head boy’s hand, held it tightly, firmly, as though nothing would ever make the boy think they would ever be apart ever.

The gesture was like a promise, an assurance, and it felt permanent and true.

Goodbyes don’t always mean the end, sometimes they signify new beginnings.  Leaving was the only way for Hiroomi to start afresh. This way, he could forget everything. This was not a sudden decision. He considered it for a long time before deciding. However, he never managed to have the guts to get with the decision.  Swamped with responsibilities as a spirit world warrior,  he often wondered whether or not it was really possible to leave. At that time, it seemed it was not. When he was finally freed from his powers and responsibility, it was as if he just woke up from a dream.  The chains that bound him to the dull and hectic life of a spirit world warrior was finally cut. A new path opened up at him. He was finally free to do whatever he wanted. He could go anywhere he wanted to go; work anywhere he wanted. It was a blessing really. This was something he never thought he would ever be grateful for.  Having powers was nice. It felt good when he was relied on by others. But while the power he used to wield made him feel superior, stronger, blessed, he also felt trapped being thrown into a destiny he did not consent to. Despite this, he never thought it was a curse. Well, not until he was tasked to kill someone he held dear in his heart. The thought of killimh him was nothing. He didn’t have any problems with it at the beginning. After all, a monster should be put down no matter what.  But things changed. He got to know the person. He got to know the person behind the person and started caring. That’s why when he was confronted with that choice, he struggled. Before he knew it, a feeling was growing inside of him. And the pain that it caused was not something he could easily compare to something. The consequence of those feelings was heartbreak and broken promises. He knew it was useless to hope for something more; to expect something that was hopeless from the very beginning. It was okay.  He assured himself.  He saw it coming. That is why the only thing he could do was bask in the pain, feel it and move on.  He’s moving on. He’s going to move on.  By leaving he could escape from it all--from the fact that he was never his to begin with no matter how much he assured him. Their different marks were proof of it. He will put everything behind. Now, he wants something different. He wants to try a different path, a path that he will be happy and satisfied. He is going to Tokyo for university. Because he is smart and worked hard for his exams, he was accepted in the most prestigious school in the country’s capital. There was no stopping him.  He rented an apartment in a good neighborhood. Blocks away from his University. Living alone was great. He enjoyed the independence that he had. Now setting his eyes on to becoming a writer, he was determined to do whatever it takes for him to succeed. He worked part time jobs for extra money. Sometimes he would go out with his classmates to eat and would indulge their invites for a goukon from time to time. Hiroomi wasn’t really into goukons. Especially when he knew he would never fall for a girl. He was sure he was more into guys than girls. Sometimes though, he wonders what would happen if his soulmate was a girl. Surely, that would be a pain.  It was his second year of university when he met that person. Their meeting was more of a coincidence when he bumped into him when he was going home after work. They were both at one place at the same time. At this time, Hiroomi has given up on finding his fated person. Through the years, he stopped believing that he had one. That is until he met him.

He witnessed how Akihito and Mirai reacted to each other when they found out they were each other's' soulmates. In the past, he found it almost absurd and ridiculous. But now, Akkey’s description made sense. It was unlike anything Hiroomi had ever imagined. When they bumped into each other he was surprised that his soul mark glowed. It hurt a little bit as a warm feeling spread from his limbs to his fingertips. All of his nerves were in haywire when he looked up to see what was the cause of that sensation. When he finally saw his face, it was as if he was knocked out of air. He couldn’t stand still. When their hands finally touched, it felt as if something exploded within him. His soulmate smiled, grabbed his hand and squeezed it. That’s when he knew that he was going to be happy as well. The universe had someone for him. Even at that moment of recognition a faint memory played in his mind, 

“We’ll be together forever, Hiroomi!”

He was surprised at this sudden recollection. Why now? Why did he remember Akkey’s irresponsible words? Without realizing it, tears streamed down his face. His soulmate panicked at seeing him cry.

“What’s wrong?” The other fumbled trying to find a handkerchief.

“No, I'm fine. I just remembered something.”

 ---------

 Akira was an engineer.  Whenever he and Hiroomi were together, people would always compliment how well they suit each other. Akira was tall; a head taller than Hiroomi. He was born with emphatic brown eyes that would make any woman or man melt when they stare at you.  His large hands compliment his long and slender legs. Beside Hiroomi, he gets even more charming—his eyes sparkle every time he looks at him. When people see them together, it was  clear that he treasured him.

Jokes are Akira’s expertise and Hiroomi laughs heartily at them whenever he cracks them. Hiroomi is clingy most of the time. One of his favorite things is looking at how their marks glow when they are together. Every time they make love, he gets turned on even more when he sees it. It was like an assurance that happiness was there and he didn’t need to do anything to achieve it.  Yet, sometimes, he still wondered about the things that could have been. 

It's not something to be proud of. He knows this. In fact, he feels guilty every time their soulmarks glow he remembers about that promise. He remembers about the kiss and the questions that ran through his mind at that time. 

When this happens, it was a habit for him to smoke. Somehow the menthol makes him forget. He becomes less guilty as he takes a drag. 

 ------

 The trundle of the train was deafening, the hubbub disturbed Akkey very much. It was his first time going to Tokyo. He wasn’t expecting that the city would be very busy. People walked to and fro. Some were checking their watches from time to time and tapping their feet on the ground as they waited.

The ticket that he held in his hand fluttered as a train passed him by. He thought about a lot of things as he stared at it. He thought whether or not moving to Tokyo was the right thing to do.

 ----

 There were a lot of letters piling on Mihara’s desk, Hiroomi’s agent. He was having trouble sorting those out. Hiroomi came in wearing a polo shirt that made him look presentable and neat. 

“Hey.”

“Oh, Nase-kun, nice work, did you finish?”

“Yes~” Hiroomi smiles widely. 

“Did you finally decide on a title?”

“Yup! Thanks to you Mihara-san I finally figured it all out. I hope people will be accommodating this time as well.”

“I think whatever you write up from this point would be a bestseller.”

“Oh you flatter me so much. Thanks though, I’ll do my best~”

“Yes, Oh, and do you want to go through these letters with me?”

 ---

 Hiroomi was grinning from ear to ear. He always loved reading letters complimenting his writing. 

“Listen here Mihara-san, this person likened me to Mishima Yukio! Oh, I can’t believe this. This might be my road to being a world renowned author after all.”

“Yeah. Why don’t you try having a book signing session.”

Hiroomi frowned. He was enveloped by a cold that even surprised him. 

“Ma~ I don’t know whether it's a good idea or not though.”

“Why?”

“Well for one you know I’m no good with those kinds of things. I’ll just probably stiffen and make a fool out of myself.”

“But all you’re going to do is sign books and smile at people.”

“Hmmm..” Hiroomi thought, “Yes but...”

“I actually arranged your book signing session already.”

“What?!” Hiroomi slapped the side of his face and wore a horrified face. 

“The higher ups also approved of it already so all you have to do is show up.”

“Mihara-sannnnn why’d you do this to me? I thought you cared for me!”

Mihara frowned. 

“This is for your own good Nase-kun. The fans would love it as well, don’t you want to make your fans happy?” Mihara san said as he scanned through Hiroomi’s letters. 

While Hiroomi was whining, Mihara-san caught something interesting. 

“Nase-kun check this out… this might be from someone you know.”

Hiroomi took the letter from Mihara and read it.

When he saw the name of the sender his heart felt like it stopped beating for a second. 

 ----

 Hiroomi held the letter in his hand. He’s been reading it over and over again, studying the handwriting and feeling all sorts of emotions within him. It felt as though he was brought back to the past; to their old japanese home in the country to the sound of the bamboo tapping against the stone. His sister’s laugh. He missed her suddenly. They always talk on the phone, but reading the letter made him miss home and the people there. And  him. 

 ----

 “Why do you look so gloomy?” Akira asked. 

“Do I?” Hiroomi smiled politely. 

“Yeah. Did something happen at work?”

“Nope. Nothing. It was the usual~ I already finished my manuscript though.”

“That’s good!” Akira glomped Hiroomi and kissed him on the neck.

Hiroomi flinched. Guilt enveloped his heart.

“What’s wrong?”

Hiroomi bit his lip and avoided Akira’s gaze.

“So something did happen. If you’re okay with it, I’ll listen.”

“I’m fine. No need to worry. I’m just exhausted.”

“Is that so? Cheer up.”

Akira kissed Hiroomi on the forehead and embraced him tightly. Their soulmarks glowed beautifully. Hiroomi hugged back and smiled. 

It’s fine. I’m happy now. I’ve moved on.

 ---

 There was no use. 

Hiroomi kept reading Akkey’s letters and sighing as he propped his head on his knuckles. He found out earlier that he was a consistent fan letter sender. Hiroomi wasn’t always able to read fan letters even though he kept them. A lot of Akkey’s letters are now piled in front of him. He sighed again. It was troublesome but he couldn’t help but feel happy at the sincerity of Akkey’s writing. When reading some of them, he couldn’t help but smile. Akkey hasn’t changed. This correspondence made him feel things (even though he doesn’t reply to any of them).

A thought came to mind. Maybe he could call Mitsuki and find out what Akihito was up to. Before he could dial her number she called instead.

“Nii-san, I have news for you.”

“Hmmm?”

“Actually…"

Hiroomi was surprised. “What???” He said aghast.

“You heard it right. He’s currently there for work. He just got transferred. I hope you grab this opportunity to fix your relationship. He was… when you left he started to act weird.”

Hiroomi was in disbelief. 

“What are you talking about? That’s impossible right?”

“Listen Nii-san, the truth is...”

“Stop I don’t want to hear anymore. Goodbye.” Hiroomi dropped the call.

Hiroomi paced his room. Things were getting troublesome. 

No. It’s impossible for us to meet each other by chance. Tokyo is big. No need to worry…. but what if he attends my signing session? No. 

 ——-

 “Hiro what are you doing? You've been spaced out for a while now.”

Hiromi frowned and crawled towards Akira. He stared at his boyfriend,  thoughts in a mess. The news of Akkey moving to Tokyo troubled him. He felt as if he was losing control again. The things that he assured him crumbled on the face of the possibility of meeting Akkey again. 

It was over. The feelings he felt for him were no longer there but what was this feeling that was making him anxious? He was not supposed to feel this troubled because he had Akira now, they are happy and in love.

He had the happy ending he always wanted.

Their life together was more than he could ask for. But if that was the case, then why was he feeling like this? Why was he feeling so insecure and scared? There was one thing that came to mind. Lately they hadn’t done it because they were busy. Maybe the reason he was troubled by such a thing was because he and Akira had not been intimate because of their schedules.  

“Fuck me Akira.” 

Hiroomi did not intend to sound so desperate when he said that and yet it did. His eyes and facial expression looked so anxious. He clung to Akira as if clinging to that light he so desperately chased after at the time he had his heart broken. 

“What's this all of a sudden? Did something happen again?”

Hiroomi nuzzled his head against Akira’s chest. 

“I just want you to hold me. It’s been a while. I’m pent up.”

“I want to, but are you sure you’re okay?”

Hiroomi bit his lip. 

“I.. Akira..”

“Come here,” Akira embraced Hiroomi. The hug was sweet. Hiroomi could feel Akira’s love in the way he squeezed him. Akira was always gentle and sweet. He always prioritized Hiroomi’s feelings above everything else. Hiroomi knows this even if Akira doesn’t say anything. This was the reason why he loved him. It was not because they were soulmates. Sure, in the beginning he went out with him because they were soulmates, but he genuinely fell in love with him.  

“Why do you look so broken? Did something happen at work? Are you sick?“ Akira asked worriedly.

Hiroomi was quiet but his grip tightened around Akira.

“Rely on me. Tell me, what's bothering you?”

Hiroomi didn't answer. He just wanted to be held. Giving up, Akira patted his head and kissed his hair.

“Just rest okay.” Akira wiped the tears that settled at the corner of Hiroomi’s eyes.

“I’ll hold you while you’re relaxing.”

Hiroomi looked up at Akira and giggled. 

“Thanks. I love you.” Hiroomi smiles gently. In contrast to his usual teasing smile, this was refreshing to the eyes.

Akira smiled back, lifted Hiroomi up and carried him to the bedroom.

“I love you too.”

 --- 

 Akira noticed that Hiroomi’s mood was still not letting up. He still looked troubled. 

“Hiro, you know, you can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you.”

Hiroomi smiled a painful smile. 

“I just don't really feel good these days. Maybe it's because the book signing session is fast approaching, you know I don't like those things.”

“Yeah. You don’t.” Akira rubbed the corner of Hiroomi’s face.

“I'm nervous.”

“You'll do just fine. I assure you.”

“And about yesterday… I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.”

“Actually, I’m worried about something… It’s about a childhood friend. We drifted apart. But we had our terrible fall out during my senior year in high school. I've never seen him since. Then, last time, Mihara-san read to me a letter. It was signed in that person’s name.

“I don't know if he knows I'm the writer. But I really don't want to see him. The thought that maybe he's going to attend my book signing session frightens me. 

Akira smiled sweetly. 

“Sometimes, no matter how frightening things are, we just don’t have a choice but to confront  them head on in order for us to move forward. Everyone has something like that, Hiro, so it’s fine.”

“Yes you’re right.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to have some closure with this friend?”

“We had some unresolved things. Things that still bothers me even now. Things that I’m afraid to even admit myself of how wrong I was back then. The embarrassment of believing in a lie is so painful.”

Hiroomi bit his lip. 

“But you’re right. I  want to end things the proper way. And apologize about being selfish, about everything.

“They say that time heals the pain.. but it's been so long. I've waited for so long for the pain to go away. And I'm sorry for keeping these things from you. I didn't.. I didn't want you to worry..”

Akira held Hiroomi.

“You don't need to apologize for keeping it. We have things we can't tell others, even those people who we’re really close to.”

“But still..”

“Shush, it's fine. I wish you’d tell me more of your worries though. I’m always here for you.”

“I love you. Akira.”

“I love you too Hiro.”

 ---

 It’s been a long time since Hiroomi and Akira went on a date together. Hiroomi was excited. Even if he doesn’t let it show, Akira was even more excited. They just finished watching a movie and were just strolling around the streets. They stopped at a bench and talked about random stuff. Noticing that Hiroomi was quite talking for a long time, Akira went to buy the two of them drinks. 

“Here you go.”

Akira gave Hiroomi a coke in can. 

“Thanks.”

“It's been awhile since we went on an actual date.”

“Ah yes~ I want to wrap my hands around your waist~”

“You're still cold?” Akira said as he pulled Hiroomi close to him, not minding the eyes around them. 

“No not anymore~ but it's sorta like a habit. I've told you before right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go buy something at the convenience store first. Wait for me here.” Hiroomi said after squeezing Akira’s hand.

 ---

 It took Akihito a long time to finally settle down at his apartment. It was just a simple abode he found online that wasn't too expensive nor too cheap. He had been transferred to a company in Tokyo. Mitsuki jokingly told him that there’s a possibility that he would see Hiroomi again. Truthfully, that made him nervous. Although the prospect of seeing the other guy was not bad, it still feels weird to him. In the end, his transfer was maybe God’s message that he should straighten things out with Hiroomi.

What is there to straighten though? All these years Akihito was confused about many things; about their relationship; about his feelings for him. Well, used to. Now everything was clear. And he was afraid. He was afraid of being wrong; of being too selfish. 

“I'll be the best spirit world warrior for you!”

Thinking of Hiroomi saying those words made him smile. 

Now that everything has changed, he wondered whether or not the string of fate had been cut between the two of them that day when Hiroomi decided to leave. Can they still go back to the way they used to be? This is the most important question that he wanted to answer but afraid to confront.

He heard that Hiroomi was doing well in Tokyo. Mitsuki would usually talk to him about what he was up to. They didn't have the details of what his actual work was, but Mitsuki said it had something to do with literature. Being a consistent absentee of the literature club, he was surprised why Hiroomi chose such a career path. But weirdly enough, it was something he could imagine him doing. 

Akihito loosened his tie, slumped on the bed and closed his eyes. He was too tired to even move. What if he’ll really meet him?  What would he say? He still hasn't explained anything about the kiss that he stole from him. He knew it was wrong. And maybe he should apologize for it as well. With that in mind, he fell asleep.

 ----

 “Writing another book?”

“Not really I was trying stuff and putting this idea that has been bugging me for a while now.”

“Oh I see. By the way, I’ll be going home late today. We're going to have a welcome party for a new colleague.”

“You met him already?”

“Not yet. Today is his first day. He just arrived here a week ago I think but he was finishing some work for the company so we didn't get the chance to meet him nor welcome him.” 

“Oh okay. What time are you going home?”

“I'm not really sure. Just sleep before me okay? You don't need to wait for me.” 

Hiroomi stared at Akira with a gleam in his eyes. His gaze softened as he flashed him a smile. He put down his glasses, walked towards him, and tiptoed in order to embrace his boyfriend. 

“Take care Akira.”

 Akira chuckled. Their marks glowed as they stood there holding each other. Hiroomi tightened his hug as Akira wrapped his arms around the other’s waist and kissed his shoulders. 

“I will.”

 ----

 “Everyone! Today I am going to introduce to you our new colleague.” Addressing the newcomer, The MC continued, “Please come here.”

Shy, the newbie went to the center and bowed deeply. 

“I am Akihito Kanbara. I’m pleased to meet you.”

“Give him a round of applause! Please enjoy your stay here in the company branch and welcome! Now, feel free to start dining!”

Akira stared at Akihito. There was something about that guy that made him feel wary. His instincts told him that there was something about that guy that he should avoid. Akkey noticed Akira’s stare. He shifted his eyes to him and smiled. He bowed and resumed conversing with the others. 

Judgmental was not something you would describe Akira. However, Akira had never felt an aversion like the aversion he feels towards Kanbara Akihito. Never in his entire life did he feel such strong negative emotions towards someone. What’s worse is, he just met the guy. He couldn’t understand it himself. Akkey didn’t do anything to him, but why does he feel so threatened by him? This feeling made him want to avoid him at work as much as he could. For the few weeks after the welcome party, Hiroomi noticed that Akira was acting weird. 

“Are you okay Akira? Is work stressing you out?”

“No… I just… Uh..” Akira heaved. It was awful. Apart from his stress at work he’s upset about Akihito. 

“I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Hiroomi went to the kitchen and prepared camomile tea to calm Akira down. While Akira was waiting he was thinking of the blond. 

Akihito didn't really get along with others yet. He was a quiet worker but he was pleasant to everyone and was quite reliable and good at his job. Earlier that day, he overheard some of his coworkers talk about how gentle and pleasant the other guy was. When he remembered that, Akira couldn't help but ask Hiroomi,

“Ne, Hiro, you never told me about your childhood friend’s name right?”

The question surprised Hiroomi. 

“No. He’s name is Kanbara Akihito.” Hiroomi smiled gently. 

“I feel awkward saying his name.”

Akira was shocked when he heard the name. It made sense. Things made perfect sense. As Hiroomi’s pair, he could feel it. That’s probably the reason why he felt like he’d seen Akihito somewhere apart from the aversion.

Akira gripped the cup in his hand. He was trembling.

Akira couldn't say anything. He couldn’t say that his new colleague was  that Akihito.

A Teaspoon fell from Hiroomi’s grasp and clattered on the lavatory surface. 

He turned to Akira, shocked. 

“My hand slipped. I’m such a clutz aren't I?”

Akira stared at Hiroomi and noticed his flustered cheeks. His cool and calm demeanor was no more.

Akira realized something.

“Hiroomi, is it possible that you used to be in love with that guy?”

Hiroomi stared at him shocked. He looked away and bit his lip,

“No… you’re wrong.”

That reaction was like a confirmation and it made Akira feel as if he was slapped in the face. 

“Look at you! Acting jittery, looking so pained. Why are you still so affected if you're not in love with him anymore?”

Hiroomi couldn't respond.  

He gritted his teeth. He wanted to rush outside the house. 

“What… what are you talking about Aki?” Hiroomi stuttered.

Akira sighed. 

“I give up. Do what you like. I'm going out.”

 ---

Akira knew that what he did was wrong. Because he was stressed and had a lot of things and suspicions in mind, he ended up raising his voice at Hiroomi. He walked with no direction in mind. In the end, he decided to go to a convenience store to buy something. When he entered the store he saw Akihito—the guy who he absolutely did not want to see. The other just finished paying for his stuff. He greeted him, which made Akira feel awkward. 

When was about to pay he realized he didn’t bring his wallet with him. Akihito ended up paying for him. Both ended up walking together. They both talked as they walked.

“So you live around here?” Akira asked.

“Yes. I'm just in the neighborhood. I didn't expect to see you here Torinaga-san.”

Looking at him with a soft expression Akira thought that maybe he was just being a jerk towards Akihito. After all he didn’t judge him for going to a convenience store without his wallet.

“I didn't expect to see you here as well.”

Looking up at the sky, Akira felt somehow defeated. He shouldn’t be hating Akihito.

“We fought.”

“What?”

“Me and my lover fought earlier. And here I am running away from confronting them .”

Akihito looked at his feet.

“I'm jealous.”

“Jealous of what? I'm sure you also have those moments with your lover right?”

Akihito only smiled. 

“It's complicated.”

“You mean the soulmate thing?”

“Yes. I don't really know anymore. I'm happy though that it seems like you are together with your soulmate Torinaga-san. That’s great isn’t it?”

“Well I am. And it's the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

There was a pause. Akihito stared at nothing in particular. 

“What if you fell in love with someone else though? Have you ever considered it?”

Akira thought for a second. 

“I had many relationships before them, but none of them could compare to what I feel for them.”

“Right?” Akihito chuckled as a confirmation. 

“Did you happen to fall in love with someone that is not your soulmate?”

Akkey smiled. 

“Yes. I don’t know though. hahaha their sister told me there was a possibility I could meet them again here. But I don’t want it to happen.”

“But if you met them, what would you do?”

“Maybe they're already happy with someone, and I don’t want to ruin it. but it would be nice if I got to see them again. We separated badly.

“I don't think he would want to see me again.” Akihito flashed a pained smile.

Akira thought for a second. 

“Maybe you should meet them for closure.” 

When Akira said this Akihito felt a pang in his heart.

“It’s been bugging me too. I don't want to see them, It would only open old wounds, not only just for me but for him as well.”

“What if they also want to meet you again?”

Akkey was surprised, he smiled pleasantly.

“Ah, that will be great. Sometimes I really miss them. I hope they're doing well.”

Akira just stared at Akkey, thinking that whatever

Akihito and Hiroomi had, it was something deep and serious.

 ---

 Akihito was indeed a pleasant person so it didn’t take long for Akira to be friends with him. After fighting with Hiroomi he went home, got some of his stuff and didn't go home to their shared apartment for awhile. Hiroomi was worried that he was tempted to see him at his work. Hiroomi was not really one who did those things, but he was worried. He was also guilty because he knew that everything was partly his fault for still not being able to talk about Akkey openly even though years have passed by already. He wanted to make up with Akira as soon as possible. It was only natural that it was him who had to apologize first  and tell him everything so that they could return to how they were before. 

Hiroomi decided to wait for a few days for Akira to come home but he never did. He stared at his phone. Just a slight sound makes Hiroomi jolt. Finally, he decided to see him at his workplace. 

Akira’s workplace is a 20 minute bus ride. Hiroomi was nervous. He had never been that nervous before. It was the first time he and Akira fought so he didn't know what to do. As he waited for the bus to arrive at his destination, the scar on his back started to throb. Ever since he left the town where he used to live, he no longer felt the throbbing in his back, but now, all of a sudden like a premonition, it hurt. 

Everything was getting messy. It was about time to confront whatever he was still feeling for Akkey and start anew; start anew all over again. He clenched his hands into fists,  making his knuckles white. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes as he resolved to make things right with Akira.

The bus finally stopped, Hiroomi’s eyes burst open as the door opened with a hiss. He went out and craned his neck to gaze at Akira’s company. He wrinkled his eyebrows as if he was about to give up. 

“Aaah~ such a pain.” He scratched the back of his beck and started walking towards the building.

Deep inside he was praying Akira was in. 

 ---

 It was a busy day for Akihito. There were a lot of documents he had to compile and clients to take calls from. He checked his phone and saw that Mitsuki sent him messages on LINE. 

  Mitsuki: have you seen nii-san yet?

  Mitsuki: Hey!

  Mitsuki: Don’t runaway you hear!

 He didn't reply to Mitsuki. 

It was time for lunch so I decided to go out to eat somewhere. Akira saw him as he rushed out, 

“Where are you going Kanbara-san?”

“I’m going to eat outside.”

“Don't you normally have your bento?”

“I was tired today so I didn't make one. Do you want to have lunch with me?”

“Sure!”

While they were walking, in order to dispel the silence between the two, Akihito wanted to ask something. He didn't want to pry though, so he dropped the idea in the end.

“ My lover still hasn't contacted me.”

Akihito was surprised. He turned to Akira and gazed at him, trying to make out what expression he was making. 

“You have to contact him.”

“I know but…”

Akkey smiled, he patted Akira on the shoulder. 

“They’ll understand. Don't worry. Communication is important. If you don’t properly communicate you might regret things later.” 

“You’re right.”

When they went out of the building the hubbub and the sound of cars and all of the city noises greeted them. Akihito still wasn't used to it. He craned his neck and stared at the sky as they waited for the traffic light to turn green. Akira, who was with him, paused for a while and checked his phone. There was a message. 

“Where are you? I’m here near your work place” It was from Hiroomi. 

Akira felt cold all over. 

Akira decided to call him. 

“Hello? Hiro? Where are you?”

 ---

 The traffic light turned green and the people crossed the street. Hiroomi saw a glimpse of Akira and was relieved. His boyfriend was on his phone just standing there waiting,  but when the people parted and he saw that Akira was with someone. Hiroomi’s eyes grew wide. He just stood there unable to move. He couldn't hear Akira’s voice asking where he was on the phone. Everything faded into the background except the familiar blond hair that glistened against the midday sun.

 “Akkey?”

 ---

  Akkey.

  Akkey. 

  Akkey.

  “Where’s Mirai?”

  “I want to see her!”

  Akkey.

  Don’t go. 

  Don’t leave.

  “You don’t understand!”

  “What don’t I understand?”

  “You’ve been asleep for a long time.. and I..”

  And I what?

  --

  “Nii-san. It’s okay, you can rest. I’ll watch him.”

  “No.. I…”

  “Idiot onii-san! Look at yourself in the mirror. You look awful! You've been without sleep for days now. Get some rest idiot!

  “You’re right. I’m such an idiot. After all the trouble of telling Mirai not to kill him.. after everything, this still happened.”

  “Get a grip! Rest idiot. It’s not your fault. Surely Akihito will wake up. He’s thick skinned like that. He won’t go down easily so don’t cry.”

  ---

 “Kanbara-san…”

“Yes?”

“I guess I can't eat with you after all. I’m sorry something came up.”

“Okay then. Later!”

 ---

 “Where are you?”

There was no response at the other end.

“Hiroomi!”

Hiroomi jolted. 

“I’m… I ran away.. hahahaa.. I’m… Akira.. I’m...”

Akira searched the surroundings and saw Hiroomi standing near a shop. He ran. When he reached him, Hiroomi was wearing a pained smile on his face. Akira softened. At that moment Akira knew he was not Hiroomi’s number one.  He embraced hiroomi, surprising the other. 

“Let’s go somewhere private. I’m sorry for disrupting your job.”

 ----

 “Why didn't you tell me Akkey’s your co-worker? Maybe that’s why you were  more angry than usual.”

Akira just stared at hiroomi. The other was still pretending he wasn't bothered. But his hands shook  and he looked like he aged. Akira did not want to acknowledge what this meant so he looked away. Gazing upon Hiroomi’s hand clenched on the table in front of him, he wondered whether to set him free or not.

“Akihito, Kanbara Akihito. You really still love him don't you? Tell me.”

“I don't know. It just surprised me, that's all. I run away without really thinking. I just thought that it'll be bad if we met in that situation. I just thought it would be awkward and difficult.

“Actually… I’m afraid. I thought that I managed to move on, but seeing him again after all these years ruined everything.”

Hiroomi paused and gazed at Akira.

“Akira, I love you. And I’ll always will. I’m happy when I’m with you. I love your smile, the way you walk, the way you hold and kiss me, everything about you. But I still don’t understand why when I saw Akkey, everything seemed like a lie.”

Tears streamed from Hiroomi’s eyes. To calm him down, Akira took his hand in his. 

“Hiroomi. I won't give up on our relationship. I love you. And I’ll prove to you that there was a reason we are soulmates.”

“Did he say anything? Did he mention anything about me?”

Hiroomi wasn't listening. He kept on tapping his foot against the cafe floor.

Akira remembered what Akkey said about wanting to meet Hiroomi again, but at the same time he didn’t want to. He remembered the look on Akkey’s face when he said it. It pained him to look at both of them like that.

 -----

 For a short while, everything went back to normal. Yet, everytime he and Hiroomi made love, it wasn't gentle. Hiroomi kept on begging him to pound him and treat him roughly. Akira thinks that maybe this was his only advantage. He and Hiroomi were so physically compatible, that he thought it would be difficult for Hiroomi to be with someone else.

Tears streamed down Hiroomi’s face as he moaned against Akira’s mouth. The pain and the pleasure that mixed in his lower half made him forget about Akkey, but everytime he closed his eyes, he was being brought back to that starry night, when Akkey kissed him. Whenever they finish making love he would pretend to be asleep and ignore Akira’s calls. Akira knows he’s awake. It seemed like Hiroomi was losing himself. It was painful for Akira to see him like that.

 --- 

 It is dark. 

The lights from the lanterns dappled on them. Familiar Traditional songs wafted in the air. Hiroomi opened his eyes and saw stars above his head. When he checked himself, he was wearing a yukata and was sitting beside someone. He didn’t recognize him at first. When his eyes could finally adjust, he saw Akihito looking up at the stars. 

Hiroomi stiffened. Even though this was a dream he was still nervous. Biting his lip, he scooted away from Akkey.

“Hiroomi,” Akkey turned to him and looked at him fondly. 

After a pause he said,

“Do you still want to be with me?”

Hiroomi’s eyes widened in surprise.

He had dreamt of this. He had dreamt of this a thousand times before and it was making him cry. Cry for real. Ugly crying—face scrunched up and mouth bending ugly. 

Hiroomi had been wanting to hear Akkey say those words to him since forever.

“Of course you idiot!  Of course I would still want to be with you.” Hiroomi screamed as tears streamed from his eyes.

 --

 Hiroomi woke up feeling empty. His face was wet with tears. He felt worse than ever before. It was no use. When he thought about everything that has happened until now, it seemed like he took advantage of Akira’s kindness.  This was a form of cheating right? Nursing an unrequited love for Akihito even though they were already together. Akira didn't deserve this. 

To put a stop to the things that pained him, he decided to meet with Akira. They spent a whole day together. It was fun, just like usual but Hiroomi still felt broken and half full. As they walked home Hiroomi stopped and asked,

“What if we didn’t match? Do you think you would still feel the same way as you do now?”

Hiroomi couldn’t stop the tears as he waited for Akira’s answer. He covered his mouth using a hand and closed his eyes shut as he muffled his sobs.

“Hiro,”

“It hurts Akira. It’s so painful. Seeing him even after all these years, he still elicits the same reaction as before. I don't want to be caged by these feelings anymore. I want to be free. I know he’s probably happy with someone else now. With Mirai, but I can’t help it. I know you might think I’m a jerk breaking your heart like this.. but I can’t continue doing this to you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say it Hiro. Please.” Akira pleaded, hands clenched at his side. He could feel a lump in his throat and tears well at the corner of his eyes.

“We could still fix this. I’ll make sure to treat you even better from now on. I know that we’re both busy, so this must be one of the reasons why it has come to this but please…. please don’t give up on us. I love you. And I’m willing to wait even if it means waiting for a long time until you completely move on from him.”

Akira embraced Hiroomi.

“Don’t give up so easily on the love that we build all these years just for the rekindling of a past flame! Idiot.”

Hiroomi broke from Akira’s embrace. 

“What if I won’t ever move on? Akira, we can’t go on like this. It will never work. Let me go.”

Akira pulled Hiroomi again for a hug. 

“Please let me go.”

“Shush, I’m always here for you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Hiroomi clung to Akira burying his face against his shoulder as he cried his heart out.

The next month, Akira moved out from their apartment and transferred to another place. 

 ---

 “Congratulations on your new book Chigusa-san!”

“Thank you I couldn't have done this without everyone so I'm grateful.”

When are you having your book signing? We heard you're going to have another one.”

“Yes, it's in December. December 28.”

“Oh? that's three months away.”

“I bet many fans would come.”

“Probably. I've been receiving messages on twitter and on my blog about the book signing. Everyone's excited.”

“I’m so excited for this new book of yours.”

“What’s it called again?”

“Mismatch am I right?”

“Yeah.”

“A story of young love.”

“I never thought you would write romance.”

“I never thought so too. Is that really surprising? I just wanted to write something different.”

“Not really. It's just refreshing.”

“We look forward to this book signing session sensei!”

 —-

 The whirr of the air conditioner was the only sound in Akihito’s room. His lamp illuminated the room as he read a book he just brought from the bookstore. After a while, his phone vibrated. There was a message that flashed on his screen, it was from Mitsuki. 

“Call me. I have something to tell you.”

Unfortunately he was too engrossed in the book he was reading to notice it. The book was a new work by his favorite author Chigusa. While reading, he was baffled why the events felt nostalgic. Yes, the things that were written were different. The sceneries, the events there, but it still reminded him of their past. It made him think what if the author was Hiroomi? Chigusa doesn't really write romance. This was his first work of the genre. 

The next morning he called Mitsuki when he finally saw the message. 

“What’s up?”

“It’s about... have you read Chigusa’s newly released book?”

“Yes. I’m currently reading it.”

“What did you think about it?”

“I…”

“Do you think that Chigusa guy is nii-san? I can’t be entirely sure, but the work was like,”

“The story of our past? Somewhat?”

“I thought about it too. But what if this is just a mere coincidence? What if this is all in our heads?”

“Mirai doesn't know what happened between you too. I also don’t know. You're the only one who knows all the details, what if nii-san was really Chigusa? What would you do?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never bumped into him in this city. I don't know if I’ll ever see him. You said I should try finding him….”

“He's never told me his address. And the times I went to Tokyo we always met somewhere that is not his house. What are you planning to do now?”

“I don't know. I really honestly don't know.”

Akihito gripped on the telephone wire. 

“How is everything there? How's your job going?”

“It's fine. I've gotten used to it. I met a lot of good people here. It's busy but I think I'm having fun.”

“I'm glad to hear that.

“Ne, Akihito…. Nevermind.” with that Mitsuki hanged up.

Akihito checked his twitter and thought whether he should come to Chigusa’s book signing session. Would this be a good idea? He doesn't know. It's been a long long time since he and Hiroomi saw each other. In fact, he was nervous to see him. He’s come a long long way. He’s living his dream while Akihito is just admiring him from afar.   Many things changed, he’s no longer the Akihito who was blind to Hiroomi’s pain. Now, he knew how difficult things were for Hiroomi. He understood it.

Deciding to meet him at all costs, he went outside the balcony to stare at the stars. 

 ——

 The second book signing session had been set for a while so there should be no problem with the preparations. Currently, Hiroomi was reading the guide of how his signing session would go. He sighed, stood up and went inside his dressing room. There were only a few more days left for the book signing. His schedule was packed. It would be nice if things will go on smoothly. With that in mind he turned off the lights and went to sleep. 

—-

“Are you going to the book signing session?”

“No. I would be having a meeting and by the time we finished it would be done.”

Akihito couldn't hide his disappointment. 

“You know, you promised you will stop being a coward. I hope that that isn't just a reason so  that you can continue escaping confronting him. I hope you realize that maybe this is your last chance. Akihito, don't make the same mistake again.” Mitsuki hanged up so that she couldn’t hear anymore of his excuses. 

It was true, on the day of Chigusa’s book signing session, he would have a meeting. What choice will he make? His job? Or meeting Hiroomi again?”

 —-

Hiroomi did not expect that many people would attend his book signing event. The line was very long compared to his first book signing event. When it was down to the last person, everyone was surprised by a person rushing into the center to meet the author.

Hiroomi’s eyes grew wide as he stared at the familiar person catching his breath. 

“Akkey?”

Akihito raised his head and flashed Hiroomi a refreshing smile. 

“I finally made it,” 

After a brief pause, Akihito took the book out of his back and handed it to Hiroomi. Hiroomi did not react at first, he just stared at Akkey as if he saw a ghost. 

“You’re an idiot Akkey!”

 —-

 When the event was finished, Hiroomi told the organizer and bodyguards that he would be going back with a friend so they don't need to bring him home. 

Akihito waited for him outside the venue. Nervous and excited at this reunion. 

When Hiroomi arrived, they walked silently. After a while Akkey broke the ice.

“How are you? It's been a long time since we’ve seen each other.”

Hiroomi didn't answer, he just kept on staring at the ground. 

“I know you’re upset about me. I’m so sorry if I hurt you Hiroomi. All these years, ever since you've been gone, I thought about things..”

Hiroomi was still quiet.

“I’ve been cruel. Insensitive. Selfish.”

“I’m sorry too for pressuring you. Let’s just forget everything. That was a long time ago. Why don't we talk about something else?”

Both caught up. They ate at a restaurant. Then it was time to part ways. 

“Hiroomi,” Akihito called as Hiroomi walked away. They should both stop this farce.

“Can you stay for a while? Can’t you just give me a little time to be with you more?” Akkey pleaded. 

“It’s been so long since we last saw each other. Hiroomi.”

Hiroomi was holding every emotion that he bottled inside in his chest for all these years. He wanted to say to Akkey that he didn’t know how he broke his heart. He wanted to scream at him to leave; never show his face to him ever again. 

Why’d you have to show up here? Why’d you have to destroy everything that I carefully built? 

“But you’re happy with her right?” Hiroomi managed to reply, bile rising in his throat.

Akkey smiled a broken smile. He was not with Mirai; he had never been with her, but instead of speaking, he  held Hiroomi’s hand much tighter. 

“Hiroomi, I just want you to know… I love you. Mirai and I, there was never an us. I know you’re probably happy with someone else, your soulmate or another person, but I just wanted to tell you how I feel. You were not wrong Hiroomi. It was me who was mistaken, it was me who was selfish and naive. I loved you all this time ever since we made that promise. And I've always wanted to be with you but I thought running away from it all was for the best so that you and I both won’t have to hurt anymore. I thought it was the right thing to do but I was wrong. I was terribly wrong. Everything just backfired. 

“Hiroomi I’ve always loved you and will always love you. You don’t have to reply.”

Akkey leaned in and kissed him softly on the forehead. 

The kiss brought Akkey to the sound of his footsteps running towards the train station trying to catch up with Hiroomi, the soft glow of the afternoon sun dappling on him. 

It brought him to the sound of the trundle of a train as he stood there watching it leave, watching Hiroomi walk away from his life forever. 

Breathless, cheeks flustered, he realized that all this time he’s been holding himself back from accepting the fact that he loved Hiroomi, that he loved him from the very beginning. Ever since the day he told him that he’s going to be with him forever. 

When he broke the kiss, it felt like he tasted the bitterness of goodbye all over again. Akkey smiled sadly and was about to leave.

Hiroomi stood there aghast. Looking at Akkey, holding back tears started to stream down his face. As he watched his back, he clenched his hands into a fist and stopped him. He forced him to turn to him to slap him. 

“Are you just going to walk away from me again Akkey?” He shouted.

“Are you just going to leave me all over again?”

“Hiroomi.”

“It’s the same for me you idiot! I still love you too! You don’t know how all of these years you’ve never really left me. You were always right here,” Hiroomi paused and slammed his fist in the place where his heart was as tears streamed down his eyes, “And you have no idea how that hurt all this time, that even the smallest of things reminds me of you, that even the stupidest things in the world makes me wonder, “What if Akkey loved me back?” “What if everything was different?

“You don’t know how much.. How much I’ve…. ah”

Akkey pulled Hiroomi for a very tight hug, interrupting what he was about to say. It was as if compensating for the times he wanted to hold him but couldn't. 

“Hiroomi, do you still want to be with me? because I want to be with you.”

“Of course I do Idiot. Of course!

[pillarsofdamnation]

Otayuri Fic Rec List

I came for the Victuuri, but several of my favorites had a side pairing I wasn’t expecting to enjoy so much: Otabek Altin and Yuri Plisetsky. I’ve seen some of the wank on the otayuri tag, so if you don’t like, don’t read.

I love long fics (>10,000 word count) and have this insane need to keep track of the ones I really enjoy. Here are both competed works and WIPs that I am following they are all complete now. 

UPDATED: January 27, 2018 (Based on fics I was reading in May 2017)

Guys, there are 16 fics here. I now have another 30 to add, but this post is getting too long. I will work on this in the weeks to come!

For this list “canon” are typically set post S1, “au” is a completely different universe and "au - canon divergent” is an au where one or both are still competitive figure skaters. 

I. Completed works

A cat in a corner by AphroditeB00w [E, 82,800 word count, complete although not marked done yet)]

(au, mafia, violence, slow burn, assassin/enforcer!Yuri, Part 2 of Shadow People) "You don't own me." Yuri spat at the stone-faced man across from him. "No," Altin agreed mildly, adjusting the cuff of his suit. "But you are owned."Yuri Plisetsky is a reluctant underling in Yaakov's organization in mother Russia. But everything starts shifting and stirring up when he starts working with Otabek Altin, the informant for the criminal gods. His once slumbering sexuality is shocked awake, and the careful facade covering his hate for Yaakov is cracked when he learns that Viktor is not dead after all.

A Heart Beats At Night by magicalyoyo [T, 154,000 word count]

(au, vampire!Yuri, werewolf!Otabek, elements of canon, angst, Victor/Yuuri side pairing) A lone figure ran along the sidewalk. Otabek would have mistaken him for a motivated jogger, if not for the sinewy, fluid movements and familiar figure. He jerked his bike over, skidding to a halt in front of the runner.

Otabek’s heart was pounding a sickening, dizzying rhythm, but he schooled his face into stoicism as he pulled his helmet off to get a better look.

“Yuri Plisetsky died two years ago,” he growled. “What the hell are you?”

a silver splendour, a flame by thehandsingsweapon [M, 113,200 word count]*** Main pairing Yuuri/Viktor with Otabek/Yuri is a significant side pairing

(au, angst, mcd (with qualifiers), fantasy, slow burn, magic) Fantasy AU. When a magic user’s craft fully matures it manifests in the form of a spirit guardian. Mages and elves bearing these familiars spend a year presenting them to each of the high courts throughout the year’s festivals. Both Viktor and Yuuri have their reasons for hiding the full extent of their gifts – Viktor’s been hurt before, when his own powers were used against him; Yuuri’s been warned that everyone will want his; what will happen when Yuri comes of age, and in doing so, makes two very bright stars finally cross?

A Stiller Doom by Tessa on Ice [E, 68,400 word count]***

(abo, angst, social justice, violence, abo, au-canon divergent) “It is in vain ot say human beings out to be satisfied with traquility: they must have aciton and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows how many rebellions ferment in the masses of life which people earth.” - Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.  NOTE: fic is currently unavailable due to an AO3 issue, but will hopefully be back. Really enjoyed this one. A lot of political drama. 

Adventures in Personal Growth (verse) by stutter [E, 23,700 word count for series)

(canon, pining, dom/sub elements, rough sex, read the tags) "When Victor was his age - younger, even, Yuri thinks, shame blooming in his chest - he’d made the whole world fall in love with him already. The long hair, the soft smile, the way he moved like he had a secret in his skin and he couldn't wait to share it with you. Yuri’s watched the tapes over and over. He could skate any of Victor’s early routines in his sleep. But he can't - the thing Victor could do so easily, the casual, guileless charisma he threw like a shadow - Yuri can't manage it on a single person, not even some moody Kazakh with a dumb haircut whose eyes are too far apart anyway - "(In Park Guell, Yuri takes a hard fall. Otabek picks him up.)

All the Right Notes by pastelplisetsky [T, 42,800 word count]

(au, music, slow burn, fluff) Yuri Plisetsky is an incredibly gifted piano player, known for his passionate and somewhat violent playing/compositions. But in order to compete in the famous Eurasia United competition (completely fictional), he needs a violin accompanist. Although he’s dreamed about this competition for years, he’s always worked better alone. Until a little-known, solemn, lovely violinist walks into his life. Inspired by Yuri’s Allegro Appassionato in B Minor, his free skate song.

the birth of comets takes place on the tip of your lashes by apollothyme [T, 16,600 word count]***

(au - canon divergent, angst, hurt comfort, blindness, friends to lovers) His second visit to an ophthalmologist occurs five months later. Just like during his first consultation, he doesn’t understand any of the medical jargon coming from the doctor’s mouth. Only now, after he’s done explaining everything in complicated, convulsed words, the man turns to Yuri with a smile on his face and explains everything once more, this time using terms Yuri can understand. Yuri listens. He bites down on his bottom lip and he does not cry.

Endurance and Peach Tea by chapstickaddict [T, 11,500 word count]

(canon, pining, slow burn, fluffy fluff) Yuri hummed. His body didn’t uncurl, but instead of pressing his face into the fold of his legs, he rested it on his crossed forearms. Tilting his face towards Otabek, he looked for the bronze metal. The colorful ribbon snuck into the folds of his jacket, hiding his prize from view. Yuri reached out, and Otabek let him pull the ribbon to bring the metal into the light.It was beautiful. Heavy and ornate, with the front masterfully detailed. The perfect symbol of success. Yuri flipped it over, admiring Otabek’s name carved along the back. Wait.“Did they spell your name wrong?” he demanded, straightening. Otabek made a noise beside him.

It takes three years for Yuri to figure himself out and get his head on right. He drags everyone along for the ride. Otabek is the only one to go willingly.

From Almaty, With Love by BoxWineConfessions [E, 115,900 word count]

(canon, pining, slow build, slice of life, part 1 of series) It’s quiet here. Even if the car alarm on the neighbor’s goddamn BMW has been going off for the past twenty minutes. Quiet, even though the alarm’s got the neighbor’s dog howling like crazy, and the neighbor works second shift and isn’t there to comfort the dumb dog. It’s quiet…They haven’t spoken to each other since that morning, when Yuri went off to go see his tutor, and Otabek went off to do whatever the hell it was he did in the mornings before he hit the rink. “You’re used to the noise?”“Yeah, but…I think I like the quiet too.” Or: Yuri spends the summer with Otabek in Almaty.

Half a Chance by ratherunneccessary [M, 55,900 word count]

(canon, angst, fluff, slow burn) Yuri has never cared about anything as much as he cares about skating. Until, one day, that changes. Or, Viktor falls in love with Yuuri, Yuuri falls in love with Viktor, Yuri falls in love with Yuuri, Otabek falls in love with Yuri, and somehow everything turns out okay.

I Will Not Break by kanekki [E, 39,000 word count] series Accuse Me Thus [E, 121,400 word count in 3 part series]

(canon, divergent after S1, DARK, rape/noncon, depression, anxiety, references self harm, references suicide, child abuse, part 1 of a series) Yuri has been supporting his family with his skating since he was a teenager, but now they are barely making it. How long will he be able to hold it together before everything falls apart? Series summary: After his gold medal win at the Grand Prix Finals, Yuri Plisetsky’s life completely falls apart. With the help of his boyfriend and skating friends, Yuri tries to pull himself back together.

in flesh and bone by csoru [M, 32,100 word count]

(canon, angst, long distance relationship, pining, hurt comfort) After recovering from an injury that cut his previous season short, Yuri makes a comeback with a new coach, a new country of residence, and a relationship upgrade. Still: perfection takes effort.

In spite of the world by Stone_Heart [E, 100,100 word count]

(au, fairy!Yuri, soldier!Otabek, domestic, hurt/comfort, war, slow burn, bonded) There was a shuffling from above him, loud banging noises as it came closer. Otabek braced himself. This person helped him. But… A pale face peered over the stairs, looking at him. He blinked back. Those eyes… bright green and ferocious. Those eyes were what he looked for on a battlefield. Not the scared eyes of a peasant or the pudgy eyes of a spoiled king. No, those were the eyes of a soldier.

Neon Pink Motorcycle by goldheart [M, 74,700 word count]

(au - canon divergent, angst, soulmate/soulmark, pining, slow burn, past child abuse) There are certain moments in Yuri Plisetsky’s life that he likes to forget happened at all. The time they were chased from the apartment, the landlord angrily spitting and waving threateningly at them when his mother couldn’t produce enough money for rent. Babushka’s funeral. The first time he fell in competition.He cannot forget that, under the black band he wears around his wrist like a shield, his soulmark may as well be nonexistent.

You’ll Live Without It by HyperionHero [E, 24,400 word count]

(canon, angst, fluff, pining) "Yuri smirks, thumbing the material of Otabek's hoodie underneath his team Russia jacket. When he catches himself smiling he blushes and pulls his hand back to his phone. It's fine, he tells himself. Friends totally wear each other's clothes..."Yuri Plisetsky is surrounded by love. It's like a sickness, claiming his friends, his rivals, the attention of everyone he knows. He avoids it at all costs... but what Yuri doesn't know is that love has a knack of sneaking up on people. Sometimes it brews for years, right under your nose, and you don't notice it until it's staring you in the face - taking the form of a stoic Kazakhstani man bound in leather.

Unsteady by otayui_oh_nice [E, 140,000 word count]***

(au, rockstar!Yuri, DJ!Otabek, abusive family, mostly fluff with some angst, Slow burn, tattoos) Otabek was going to kill JJ. He was going to take the next flight to Canada, hunt him down and kick his ass. Leo: I tried to stop him but he went and did it anyway, I’m sorry! (link)- Or: JJ uploads one of Otabek's remixes of Yuri's songs to YouTube and Otabek freaks out.- Or: what happens when you take episode 1, replace figure skaters with musicians and exchange Victuuri for Otayuri. Aka another strange AU no one asked for.