#the whole vanya crew

[ilikethisacompletelynormalamount]

Before the frenzy of Ripley promo takes over, I wanted to highlight Andrew's beautifully moving acceptance speech and tribute to his mother (who died very recently, March 7th) from the Critics Circle Theater Awards and his Best Actor win for VANYA.

Apologies for any mistakes in the captions (and to the stage crew for not catching their names) I did what I could with the audio and the limitations of the free editing software I was using.

Thanks to Cindy Marcolina for the original video source.

[aro-ortega]

can we talk about the hench men. bc i love the hench men

[fiyero3305]

Three Days

There are three days between Ben’s death and his funeral.

Three days of Ben’s body laying in cold storage somewhere in Hargreeves’s lab as he and Pogo do whatever the fuck they need to do to get him ready.

“But I want to see him!” Klaus had cried at Pogo standing in front of the laboratory door on the first day.

I don’t want him in there alone he doesn’t say out loud because he knows how stupid it sounds and for once he doesn’t want to exasperate the authority figure before him with his unrestrained thoughts. He’s still a little high from the party he’d attended before the mission but his thoughts are at least clear enough to allow a bit of strategizing. Maybe if I don’t act like myself he’ll take me seriously.

“Master Klaus, please understand. It would be... upsetting for you to see your brother in this state” Pogo tells him, infuriatingly sympathetic in tone. “Allow your father to take care of the boy. He’s doing all in his power to prepare him for the funeral” He realizes he’ll get nowhere with the fucking chimp and storms upstairs.

Whatever the rest of the Academy does during this time, Klaus doesn’t know because he barricades himself in Ben’s room (fuck his father for not allowing locks on their doors) before collapsing in a frustrated heap on the floor. From here his eyes land on the clothes Ben had been wearing just before the mission, dropped on the floor by his closet. Klaus has a vague memory of Ben not being ready on time, having to dress in a rush, as he pulls the shirt to his face and grieves into it until his exhaustion finally takes over.

The next morning when Klaus awakes, there’s a moment where it could just be a normal day where he passed out on Ben’s floor having not made it to his bed, but instead of his brother looking down at him with a pissy face and a sarcastic comment, he has tear-crusted eyelashes and Ben’s shirt stuck to his face, and he remembers why.

His head is throbbing and his mouth feels like he was deepthroating a fucking scarecrow last night and the only thing he’d want to get up for is to get some of the coping materials in his room, but he can’t do that so he just folds himself up around that shirt and wallows. He feels the ache from sleeping in a heap on the floor, the sharp pressure on his shoulder and hip as they press against the hard surface, and wonders what his siblings are doing this morning. Are they suffering like he is? They fucking better be. But would they? Did any of them care enough about Ben to be as miserable as he is?

All Luther cared about was bossing them all around, especially him and Ben, always feeding them the same bullshit their dad did about not training hard enough to be of any real use to the team. If he was feeling anything right now it was probably vindication. Yeah Luther, you were right. We didn’t train hard enough and now Ben’s fucking dead. Are you so fucking happy? Are you and dad gonna compare notes about how fucking disappointing Ben was and how if he’d only listened to the two of you he’d still be alive?

Besides, if Luther was feeling any kind of sorrow over anything, he always had Allison there to fret all over him and make sure his fragile ego didn’t take any damage. She never cared about Ben either as far as Klaus could tell. Too quiet, too much of a loser for her. Not the fun fuck up like Klaus who she could party with but still feel superior to by always having to fix him. No, Ben didn’t need her and she hated him for it. She’s probably glad Klaus’s only other support system is gone now so he can be even more pitiful and needy for her.

And then there’s Vanya. God, fucking Vanya, who followed them around like a sick, sad puppy always trying to be part of the team. Well, here’s your golden opportunity! ‘Nother spot just opened right up! Maybe dad’s finally gonna be desperate enough to put you in after losing two of his fucking child soldiers. God, did she really not see that she was the luckiest one of the whole sorry crew? Who the hell wants this shit? Who would want to be part of this team when it means Reginald Hargreeves actually pays attention to you? Fucking idiot.

Diego might be the only one who was actually sad right now, but that’s because Diego “Nobody’s Favorite” Hargreeves was always a fucking sad sack. Diego “Number Two isn’t just my name, it’s my whole essence” Hargreeves, who couldn’t manage to find a single partner on the team after Allison leapfrogged right over him when picking her partner because who wants to sleep their way to second place; Ben and Klaus bonded in a way none of them could understand since they all love their fucking powers so much; and even Vanya and Five for whatever fucking reason, leaving Diego to be second favorite at best in everyone’s eyes and make his best friend their fucking robot mom.

It's that mom’s robot strength that at some point opens the door as easily as if there hadn’t been a desk jammed against it and crouches down to set a lunch tray on the floor near his head. She doesn’t speak, but holds her artificially warm hand to his cheek and presses her silicone lips to the top of his head long enough to remind him that she is somehow the most humane person in this goddamned house.

Mom closes the door when she leaves and Klaus doesn’t bother to put the desk back. He realizes now that no one wants to check in on him or the dead boy’s room.

Klaus drinks the water his mother left him but can’t find the desire to eat. When night falls again, he makes his way over to the bed, still holding the shirt, and crawls in. The contrast of the warmth and softness against his aching body is almost like being hugged and when he puts the shirt over Ben’s pillow and wraps his arms around it the effect is real enough to bring on a new wave of tears.

On the third day Pogo knocks on the door to inform him that the burial will be that morning. Klaus extricates himself from his comfort nest and tumbles to the door.

“Can I see him?” he pants, opening the door and almost stepping out.

“I’m afraid the damage was too severe. Your father has decided that a closed casket is the only option.”

“But you said he was fixing him...”

“Master Klaus, you don’t need to see your brother in this state. Remember him in life. Remember the calm, gentle friend who always cared for you. Who made sure this family remembered their better selves even in moments of dire—”

Klaus closes the door because whatever the fucking orangutan is going on about has nothing to do with Ben or how Klaus will remember him. Ben is a sarcastic bitch who puts Klaus in his place every time and shit-talks his family in hushed tones for only the two of them to hear. He’s the one who tells Klaus he won’t cry when he finally drinks and smokes himself to death, but lets him share his bed when he’s sober. Ben isn’t some holy saint who exists in eulogy; he’s messy and real and beautiful and Klaus isn’t about to pretend otherwise just because that’s what you’re supposed to do when someone dies.

He showers and shaves and puts on the suit he finds laid out on Ben’s bed when he returns. On the way downstairs he stops in his room and grabs his flask because one way or another, he’s drinking when this is done. At the courtyard door he finds Vanya, Diego, and Mom standing there. He takes his place in line and waits for Allison and Luther to make their way over, almost wishing they would never make it. He doesn’t want to go out there and see the grave

A thick, wet snow has begun falling and Pogo hands each of them a matching black umbrella as they process out to the casket, already being covered by the heavy flakes.

They encircle the box that holds their brother’s body and though he tells himself that it’s not Ben in there; that he knows better than anyone that the soul is a real thing and it doesn’t hang out in the meatsuit after death; he can’t stop thinking about how it’s too cold and dark in that hole. That they’re about to lower his Ben into the rough unforgiving ground and cover him up with dirt and move on and that’s fucking fucked up.

Reggie takes the opportunity to blame his children for their brother’s death as if they’re the ones who chose to send kids out to battle to the death with terrorists and monsters and Klaus is vaguely aware of the fight that breaks out among the Academy and Vanya but his mind is on him and Ben and he can’t really be bothered with what they have going on.

Finally, everyone leaves because they’ve done their required ceremonial mourning and he can be alone. He stares at the photograph of Ben on the lid of the casket, surrounded by ornate tentacle ornamentation (because yeah, that’s how he would want to be remembered. Fucking Reggie.) as the snow covers it. That’s a nicer thought than the dirt, for some reason. Gentle... and calm, he guesses. It’s quiet, and the cold air he pulls in helps clear his head as he makes his way over to the gazebo. Hopefully clear enough to do what he wants to do.

He’s never really done this, but he’s spent the last few days painfully sober just to have even a chance. He doesn’t even know what to do exactly, but he focuses on that swirling chill he’s always felt within and pulls it to his hands. He thinks of Ben, sees him in his mind’s eye, floods his brain with memories and thoughts and feelings and pulls. He yearns with more focus than he’s ever put into anything in his life and without any idea if it’s working, he hears that voice.

“Klaus?”

[denimbex1986]

Last night I saw National Theatre Live's Vanya at my local cinema and a few hours shy of a full day later, I'm still thinking about it. All I can say is that it's an absolutely brilliant production - one that has no doubt introduced and will introduce a whole new generation and audience to Chekhov's work - that I would recommend everyone goes to watch.

I've seen a lot of shows over the years but none and nothing like this one. I tip my metaphorical hat to writer Simon Stephens, director Sam Yates, all the crew and, in particular, Andrew Scott who delivered a genuinely phenomenal performance - well done Sir! 👏👏👏

[pynkhues]

That's so funny, I JUST thought of Jeffrey Wright yesterday!!! I think of him as so American that I wasn't sure if it would work, but he's such a brilliant actor (his performance as Belize in Angels in America is one of my absolute favorites of all time), so I'm sure he'd be amazing. Good point about the oscar nom, but yeah, if the role is interesting enough I could absolutely see him doing it. You said that about Julianne Moore, that she seems willing to go where more interesting roles are, and I think he's like that.

Guy Pearce would also be great, he's such an amazing actor -- excellent thought. lol I didn't know that about him and Cate Blanchett! Does anyone know why?? I feel like she's very well-liked in general?

Jeffrey Wright is SO amazing, and yeah, I totally agree actually that I'd kind of put him in the same category as Julianne Moore as a star who's still really role-driven / is willing to take smaller roles in a good project as opposed to having to be the star, y'know?

And yes! Guy's always great, and I think he can deliver that really good sort of mmm, I guess simultaneous elegant charm and slightly off-putting smarmyness that would really work for Marius?

And lmao, yeah, the public-facing goss is that they had a pay dispute while Cate was Artistic Director at Sydney Theatre Company back in the late 2000s when he was cast in a Poor Boy, and he pretty famously pulled out of the initial STC production yet still did the Melbourne Theatre Company run of the same show the following year, which is kind of a Whole Thing, because Sydney and Melbourne are very competitive creatively and culturally (and in general tbh). It was - - pointed, lol.

The stuff I've heard on the rumour mill working in the creative industries though is its more about how much power Cate and her husband, Andrew Upton, who is an A-list play director and playwright here (and a sort of mid-tier screenwriter) wield in the Sydney scene (there's definitely a cult of personality around them, which can be A Lot). Cate and Andrew were co-Artistic Directors of STC and in that time, Cate got her choice of roles (like she starred in The War of the Roses, A Streetcar Named Desire, Uncle Vanya, The Present, Gross and Klein and the Maids all while she was an Artistic Director of the company, which even lowkey to me feels like a huge conflict of interest).

She stepped away a few years later, and her husband stepped in to be the sole Artist Director, but apparently everyone knew that she was still heavily involved and pulling strings behind the scenes, so even though the company was officially only being led by Andrew, it kind of wasn't? And look, I don't think she was doing anything bad necessarily, but I know that it put at least a few people, both in creative and crew's, noses out of joint. Including Guy's apparently - I think he equally holds the grudge against STC given he hasn't acted for them since, and I don't think Cate appreciated it.

[abyss-if]

GAME UPDATE

PART 1 OF CHAPTER TWO IS OUT!

What’s new?

argue with June

vent with Idris

explore the spaceship

more backstory on MC and their brother

more customization (you het piercings, you get piercings, we all get piercings!!)

discover a very shady usb drive with some interesting information

bump into someone who may or may not become a member of your crew

fixed some chapter one errors

changed a bit vanya’s description from chapter 1

What’s next?

part 2 of chapter two

gossiping with ozone dealers about your life tragedies or playing roulette with them

play poker with criminals

flirt

meet someone unexpected 

top and bottom surgery options

and more.

This update counts 12 184 words excluding coding, so now the game is 45 744 words, with an average playthrough of 25 934 words. I’ll try to bump it to around 40k words per playthrough with the whole chapter two but we will see.

When’s the next update? I don’t have the exact date but I’m cautiously optimistic, and say the end of September/start of October.

As always, ho you enjoy Abyss, and take care!  ❤️

p.s. if you want to get more backstory - choose the usb option. if you want to spend more time with your ro, in the first split scene choose the other character.

PLAY THE DEMO HERE

[spidergwen-real-notclickbait]

I’m so mad about the umbrella academy. And contrary to what people believe it is NOT transphobia. I’m mad because they had to get rid of a powerful, lesbian main character. And you can’t say that’s what they planned from the start, the change only happened because of Page. They’re so desperate to be ‘woke’. And what does that say about Page’s acting? The whole point of acting is to be someone else. Men have played woman vice versa for years. If playing a woman is too triggering then he shouldn’t be in acting. (And Vanya to Viktor? Really?)

Of course the cast/crew can’t say anything about it. They’d be doxxed to hell. And the fans now are making such a huge thing of it, already coddling this new character/ Page just because they’re trans. And god forbid someone ask questions about how they’re going to write this in or why they got rid of the ONLY lesbian or anything that isn’t praising the ground the writers/Page walks on.

i’ve never watched the umbrella academy do i didn’t even know in the first place that page’s character was a lesbian but yeah… incredible shitty to get rid of a lesbian main character just like that

and i 10000% agree that if page is so uncomfortable w acting as a lesbian then she shouldn’t be an actor

[ceescedasticity]

notes on the aftermath, vii

(you might want to check out the other parts first)

(and/or read what’s on AO3)

Málawen Calariel:

After the funerals I didn't want to talk to — anyone, actually, so I went back to the city recovery crews, finding bodies in odd places and moving them out into the street where, hopefully, their kin or friends would come and claim them. We didn't have any kind of system to facilitate that, but I hadn't come up with any good ideas for one.

A while after that, Atta called me back to the mansions for a council. I assumed at first it would be about funeral scheduling and how to distribute that information, or maybe someone even figured out how to improve body claiming, but it wasn't.

It was in the Purple Room on the third floor, the same as the last family council, if you ignored how there were half the number of people there should have been. (That one had been just after the death of the Trees. I hadn't said a word the whole time, just sat and wondered if I was doing any good being there.) Duimiwen carried Atta and his chair in.

Grandfather Olwë wasn't there, oddly. Grandmother Nénwen explained that Eärwen had an… update, from Arafinwë, which we needed to talk about.

(Yes, she was very angry with him for not turning back earlier, and wouldn't see him in person for a hundred years. Yes, they were still in frequent communication by ósanwë despite this, for all that time. No, none of the family blamed her for this. If nothing else, we were hardly going to say no to someone keeping us updated on what the Noldor were doing!)

Aunt Eärwen told us all that Arafinwë had turned back, and a lot of his people, but none of her children. She told us about the Doom, word-for-word.

There was a long silence. And then we had a debate.

Duimiwen Elulindiel:

Of course we couldn't get to the important point immediately. First Luinél had to ask if Lord Mandos really hadn't mentioned the swan-ships at all, even as a lower priority. Then Grandmother said the deaths hadn't been highest priority either, apparently, that had been Fëanáro's Oath — what was in that Oath? Aunt Eärwen didn't know, hadn't been there for it — it named the One; it was about the Silmarils; her children had agreed it couldn't possibly be literal because Fëanáro was too clever/selfish/both to be so self-destructive; the literal meaning had been dire enough her children had just talked around it; she guessed the Valar thought/knew it was literal?

Then for some reason Nettë went back to the matter of the ships, asking if fencing Valinor meant that if the Noldor tried to return the ships when they were done with them they wouldn't be able to. No one knew. It seemed so unlikely to come up I don't think anyone cared, either, except probably Luinél.

Then Calarue finally brought up the real question: What exactly had Lord Mandos meant by 'unrighteously'?

That is, were any of us potentially on the hook for unrighteous slaying?

The discussion went on for a while, touching on the definition of self-defense, and the armor/drownings, and whether brutality or vengefulness was likely to be a consideration, and whether the Valar would care since we weren't rebelling, but they shouldn't care about the Noldor killing us only because the Noldor are rebelling, but this, but that, but blah blah blah.

Some of the others— Seriously, I can't—

Oh, no, Calarue stabbed the specific man who killed his wife in front of him, technically while still held prisoner. Horrifying.

Luinél drowned some people without even realizing it. Gasp.

And Nettë, oh, Nettë gave advice to people who would have been throwing things or shooting no matter what, and didn't stop people from making bad choices. Shocking. Unforgivable. Nettë could fuck off.

Come talk to me when a Vanya has looked at the bloody evidence of your work and declared it proof of the Noldor's corruption by Melkor.

[in-tua-deep]

Hufflepuff Five is so good! Are the Hargreeves lives as students as adventurous like the main crew from HP? What about the Ministry of Magic? Would they get involved if someone caught wind of the sibling’s powers that weren’t just magic?

Their lives are SO wack honestly like, they just vibe. They just are going through their magical youth being absolute feral children who don’t trust adults as far as they can throw them while trying to hide their weird funky powers and also ravenously going through magical feats like they’re going out of style

Luther is every sibling’s go-to practice partner because apparently durability extends to being like? Slightly magic resistant? Basically if you hit Luther with a spell it will only be like, maybe half power? So the siblings use him as a magical shield half the time and an experiment the other half and Luther just Suffers Through This until it all goes wrong and he ends up as a werewolf, oops

(But at least Ben is alive! Honestly the only reason Luther wasn’t straight up mauled to death was a combo of his durability, Ben’s proficiency in healing magic, and Ben managing to befriend the acromantulas)

(Luther eventually gets a sense of humor about this after long years of working on accepting himself and constantly threatens to bite his siblings or makes comments about them looking extra tasty when they irritate him)

Allison is a quidditch star, super popular and athletic as all hell. She probably ends up being the Slytherin team captain, honestly. Allison is all glamor and charisma and in her later years of hogwarts has an absolute blast. Allison is very much functional passing so she’s usually the front man to get the professors off their backs, but she also is the front man for a lot of the shit that the family sell for extra spending money. Five and Ben might make potions, but Allison rules the underground black market in slytherin with an iron fist (which gets them into shenanigans involving other kids who Owe Debts)

Diego is on the gryffindor quidditch team and so him and Allison are constantly at each other’s throats on the pitch (Allison sometimes rumors him during matches when she gets within earshot which makes all of the siblings yell at him but she maintains that he gets to use his stupid powers to score points so she should get to as well). Diego gets roped into everything because he’s super soft. He starts a lot of fights because he has vigilante genes so he serves a lot of detentions. His house tolerates him losing them points because the man is a wizard with a quaffle

(Diego and Allison actually practice a lot together, which their respective teams are like HMMMM over but they’re siblings and slytherin knows that Allison would never hesitate to knock Diego off his broom and wave cheerily as he falls to his death, and gryffindor is aware that Diego can, should, and must throw a ball directly at Allison’s dumb face if she gets too close to him because of the Cain Instinct)

(Honestly Allison and Diego do a LOT for interhouse unity, showing that you can still be ride or die for each other while also wanting greatly to kill each other uwu)

Ben is too independent for his own good, which is what gets him into trouble. He likes gardening, and he likes herbs, and sometimes he’s just GOTTA go into the forbidden forest on a full moon to gather these very specific ingredients, c’mon. He also just. Likes spending time in the forbidden forest. He’s Hagrid’s favorite student because he doesn’t bat an eye at all the weird magical creatures, bc homeboy got an eldritch horror in his navel. Ben makes friends with the acromantulas (who have a healthy respect for him after the Horror ate a few of them), patiently avoids the centaurs, and bribes the pixies into giving him their shed wings through liberal application of jam stolen from the Hogwarts kitchens. 

You know what Allison is functional passing and Ben is distinguished passing, all their teachers assume that Ben is the most put together of them but they’re WRONG. They haven’t seen Ben at two in the morning yanking Vanya out of ben because if they don’t break into greenhouse four and help those poor fucking plants the first years are tending to they’re all going to DIE and that’s not fair??? ben is single handedly going to save all those poor plants (and all those first year’s grades)

Vanya is just VIBING, he ends up coming out as trans in fourth year and gets to be roommates with Ben which is pretty sweet. If only Ben didn’t drag him into shenanigans?? All the teachers are like “ah yes Vanya, such a quiet boy not like his siblings at all” but Vanya can will should and must climb onto the roof of the astronomy tower to play his violin because He Just Likes To Be Tall. Vanya once punched a snobby ravenclaw kid in the nose and then stared them down saying “the teachers will never believe you.”

Vanya steals Luther to practice his powers with in unused classrooms the most?? he’s durable. he’ll be fine if Vanya blasts him into a wall with his powers lol

Vanya’s solution to all their problems is “do you want me to blow it up with my powers?” or “do you want me to kill them for you?” 

(All of the siblings now refuse to duel with Vanya except for Luther bc Vanya is RUTHLESS. He WILL murder his siblings (almost) given the chance. They’re all so lucky that Ben is so good at healing and carries extra vials of healing potions on his person otherwise Madame Pomfrey would be VERY CONCERNED)

Five and Klaus probably get into the most shenanigans? Klaus gets less and less afraid of ghosts the more he runs into nice ones like Fred Weasley. Fred also lovingly nurtures Klaus’s absolutely terrible sense of humor and encourages him to prank the whole school. Klaus knows ALL the secret passageways thanks to Fred, a previous owner of the Maurauder’s map, so he’s just like. Constantly in the walls. He once dropped out of the ceiling to get to transfiguration in time and nobody even commented on it because Klaus is just Like That.

(A few people see Klaus’s boney elbows and knobbley knees and thinks he’s a good target for bullying just because he’s a slytherin and interhouse awfulness absolutely it at an all time high so recently after the war. YEAH his siblings step in and put the fear of god into any bullies, but Klaus fights like a cornered raccoon.)

Five is just way too smart and curious for his own good. He likes to poke around, figure things out, and also make money. Five does people’s homework, charges them for potions or rune work, tutors, dismantles shit in the chamber of secrets, ALSO explores the secret passageways (and finds some that weren’t on the map), is lovingly bullied into Friendship Activities with his housemates, breaks into the other houses’s common rooms for funsies, and keeps getting fed by the house elves who found out he can ‘apparate’ like them (without a wand) and have apparently adopted him against his will

Five is the sibling who has his fingers in like. ALL the pies. and just constantly pops up and drags them into things. Five will be helping Klaus with potions homework then glance up and tell Diego he’s cashing in the favor he’s owed for carving runes into Diego’s knives and that Diego now gets to break into Douglas Eddington’s room to steal back Lana Delwich’s diary so that Five can trade it to Lana for her rare Solomon Babik chocolate frog card which Five can give to Barnaby Beeson in exchange for a Large Distraction of Five’s Choice and a sketchy book on ward breaking which Five needs so he can break into the headmaster’s office to get a confiscated dark magic book that has some information Five needs to alter a potion that he’s probably going to make Luther drink later

Five is the sibling who is like “Ugh, I thought I was trading for some nundu ingredients but now i have a Whole Baby Nundu in the basement :/”

Which, of course, Klaus wants to keep despite the poison breath.

“This is literally one of the most dangerous magical creatures, we are not keeping it.” Luther says, unimpressed. However, he definitely has it cradled in his arms and makes kissy faces at it when he thinks no one is looking. (Apparently baby toxic nundu breath only makes Luther sneeze, so there’s that?)

“If you guys are arrested for smuggling I am not bailing you out.” Is Allison’s only decree about the matter.

Honestly I wouldn’t be shocked if someone DID eventually find out about one of the siblings’ powers - however, they would come to entirely the wrong conclusion about them?? Because this is a world of MAGIC and so everything magical has to have a magical explanation, right???

Luther is durable as all fuck???? Uhhhhh maybe he has some like. Troll blood or giant blood something back in his family line, obviously not something he would ever want the world to know about bc of species-ism

Allison can make you do whatever you want with her words????? Maybe she’s part veela? With that charm appeal?

Five is doing. Wandless apparation?? I mean, that’s rare as FUCK but wandless magic is,,, grudgingly accepted though it’s usually only used for small or very familiar spells and not usually something as complex as apparation but OKAY just sit him down and forbid him from doing it anymore bc boy boutta be SPLICED or some shit

Klaus can. Klaus can talk to ghosts. Who are not full ghosts. Hmm. huh. Maybe it’s?? A family ability??? a super rare one? like being a metamorphagus? (What the fuck??????? what the FUCK???????)

Primarily the kids started off paranoid because they believed that their abilities indicated that they weren’t the same type of magic, and they didn’t want to be returned to their father, and then it progressed into “these abilities might make people scared of us (looking at you allison, with your imperius-ass abilites)” or “we can’t afford that kind of scrutiny or curiosity about our powers (they might find out luther is a werewolf or something idk)” and “if we are ‘desirable’ children with ‘rare abilities’ the government might try to split us up and adopt us into weird pureblood families or something OR might try to lock us up (like where would they even put Ben??)”

honestly if ben ever got found out he’d just deadpan “it’s a curse, hand me the black wormroot would you?” and be like “oh yeah it’s under control i just go vibe in the woods every so often and rip up a tree or something. I think the horror wants to be the whomping willow when it grows up actually, so just don’t get too close when i’m in the horror zone. if you can live with a murder tree on campus you can live with me on campus”

someone sees vanya fuck something up with his powers and is like ???? and Vanya is just like “accidental magic lol” 

“aren’t you... a bit... old for accidental magic...”

“accidental. magic.”

[ilikethisacompletelynormalamount]

Congratulations to Co-creators Andrew Scott, Simon Stephens, Sam Yates, Rosanna Vize, and the whole VANYA crew for their Olivier Award win for Best Revival!

[ds-sparrow-manufacturing-co]

What if the Umbrella Academy were in the grishaverse

oh boy do i have a lot of thoughts

so let’s say the context here is the hargreeves somehow end up in ketterdam, sometime around crooked kingdom, because otherwise i will go on forever with countless different possibilities

they wander around for a while, trying to figure out what the hell to do

vanya gets separated from the group and ends up in the barrel, where she immediately gets grabbed by a slaver

inej happens to be slinking around, waiting for sunset to return to black veil, and sees this happen and saves her because hell no she’s not going to let this strange girl suffer the same pain as her

she tries to take vanya back to black veil with her after she realises she seems to be a squaller

vanya adamantly refuses to go anywhere without her siblings so inej helps her find the other hargreeves instead

and promptly realises the group consists of an insanely strong guy, another knife lover, a girl who may be a whole new kind of corporalki, a whole ass medium, and a teleporter as well as the squaller girl shes beginning to think isn’t a squaller

so inej being the totally sane one of the crows basically says ‘fuck it’ and brings all of them back to black veil

inej, arriving on her tiny boat that really should not fit this many people: KAZ THESE ARE OUR NEW FRIENDS

everyone is very wary of the hargreeves and kaz starts going on about how this is his crew and the only thing stopping him from killing them all is the fact inej seems to trust them

but before he can get barely halfway through his speech, klaus and jesper are already somehow gambling

allison and nina start almost flirting with each other while matthias and luther just stare at them and each other, bemused

vanya sees wylan’s flute on a table in the corner and very quickly starts a conversation with him about music

inej and diego start discussing knives

and then kaz and five are just left staring at each other because they’re both pragmatic little fucks trying to figure out if the other would be helpful in taking down van eck and getting back home, respectively

[peanuts-and-pickles]

ok screw what you want im making a TUA & Percy jackson crossover

- so they are going on a quest or something like that (apocalypse time- sorry Five) 

- The umbrellas are shocked that the PJ gang has powers

- at first the umbrellas think that the Pj gang are all one of the 43 children

- Same goes for the Pj��s. That whole crew think the Umbrellas are just children of gods. 

- at first the umbrellas dismiss  the idea, but the more they think bout it the more it makes sense

- but for the life of them, no one can figure out who their godly parents are

- the strongest friendship is luther and Frank ( i mean the similarities)

- Five and Annabeth get along famously. 

- Percys jealous till he finds out Five’s ace

- leo is somewhat scared of five and some what jealous

- Five and Leo make a time travailing briefcase together, all five needed was Leo’s skills as a mechanic

-  Vanya just, explores the ship. She finds Nico hiding in a closet and just sits with him for a bit.  Except for when they need her, then she comes out and- just boom

- Allison tries to do Pipers hair, and keeps giving her makeup tips

- Klaus is just friends with, everyone 

-except for Jason. Klaus thinks hes boring. 

- But he thinks Leo is great. Loves the jokes. 

- Five enjoys the selection of weapons on the Argo 2 

- Diego too

- he develops a little crush on Reyna

- Ben thinks its hilarious

- jason ends up fighting five

- he looses, despite the weather-powers

- the win in the end of course, not without the injury tho

- leo gets shot

- fives just like “here we go again” and rewinds time to save him

-both groups excange numbers and set up a regular date for brunch 

[glockmonkey]

The Mechanisms, According to My Pal Connor

(Raphaella la Cognizi)

Impression: “I feel like she’s Space Pirate Jesus”

Name: “I’ll name her Jesus but pronounced heysus”

Job: “She’s the responsible one that gets everyone out of trouble”

(Marius von Raum)

Name: “His name is Carlos”

Impression: “He’s a trash man.”

Job: “He gets the crew into trouble”

(Gunpowder Tim)

Name: “That’s just Asahi” (from Haikyuu!!)

Impression: “I feel like he’s like, kinda shy, but his pose is telling me otherwise”

Job: “Mechanic”

(Jonny D’Ville)

Name: “His name is Gerard”

Impression: “He’s emo. His whole vibe is “you’ll never understand me.”

Job: “Being emo”

(The Toy Soldier)

Name: “Coran” (from V*ltron)

Impression: “It’s just Coran but not orange”

Job: “Its job is being ‘Coran, Coran, the gorgous man’ but not orange”

(Nastya Rasputina)

Name: “Girl from Umbrella Academy. Vanya.”

Job: “She plays violin, come on [name], keep up”

Q: Which of the character’s I’ve mentioned is she dating? (The ship had been mentioned in general backstory)

A: “She’s dating Asahi (Gunpowder Tim)”

(Afterwards: “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THE SPACESHIP WAS A F***ING OPTION”)

Q: Which historical person is she literally?

A: “Marie Antoinette”

(Ashes O’Reilly)

Name: “Walmart Brand Gerard Way”

Impression: “Their hat reminds me of the evil guy from ‘Meet The Robinsons’ so I feel like they have the same vibe”

Job: “F***ing s**t up”

Q: They were a Greek god for a while. Which one?

A: “Wine man.” (“Dionysus?”) “Yeah.”

(Ivy Alexandria)

Name: “Her name is Reece”

Impression: “She’s a lesbian.”

Job: “Being the most fashionable person on the ship.”

(Drumbot Brain)

Name: “His name is Johnathan.”

Impression: “He’s probably the funniest person on the ship.”

Job: “He plays drums.”

Q: He was a King Arthur character for a bit. Which one?

A: “Arthur.”

Q&A corner

Q: Who do you think commits the most murder?

A: “Asahi (Gunpowder Tim)”

Q: Which character’s actor also wrote The Magnus Archives?

A: “Johnathan (Drumbot Brian).” (“It was Gerard (Jonny D’Ville) but to be fair, his name is Jonathan”)

Q: Whose mechanism is the heart?

A: “Gerard (Jonny D’Ville).”

Q: Whose mechanism is everything but the heart?

A: “Coran (The Toy Soldier).”

Q: Which fairy tale character is the soaceship named after?

A: “Gretal.”

——

thanks to my main man connor for doing this with me! he doesn’t have a tumblr but if he did I’d tag him :)

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

TUA PIRATE AU

(of the Caribbean? Sort of? I guess?)

(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the books/films) (not to be misleading or anything :p)

(BEWARE: abuse, murder, pirates and all of their violent shenanigans, etc.)

(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)

Luther is the captain of the guard, and pirates are the bane of his existence. He hates Diego most of all, the man who’s stolen unspeakable amounts of gold from Reginald, Luther’s employer. But as annoyed he is at all of the theft, he purposefully never catches Diego, because he knows Klaus loves him. And Luther may be a man of the law, but he’s also Klaus’ beloved brother-in-spirit, even if Reginald wants them to marry each other for some idiotic reason. (Something about getting Klaus to settle down - ha, he can try.) When Klaus disappears, Luther follows him, having no connections left here - and that’s when he meets Allison. And there are copious laws against getting involved with married women and outlaws alike… so Luther starts to think that maybe bending the rules wouldn’t be so bad. (Klaus is so proud.)

Diego grew up poor, and became a pirate in his early teens when Grace took him in. When she fled the colony, Diego went with her, leaving his childhood best friend Klaus behind. He’s got his own fleet and crew now, and mostly uses his scores as excuses to flirt with Klaus, who’s still just as drawn to him after all these years and often sneaks him into his bedroom when Diego’s in town. Diego’s kept in close touch with Lila and Eudora, both of whom he grew up with once Grace took him away, and they both help him when it comes time for him to crash Klaus’ wedding to Luther (fuck you dude) and steal Klaus away for a life at sea. (Klaus absolutely LOVES this. They kiss a lot. They swing from ropes. Klaus is screaming at all the guards as Diego carries him away bridal-style (ha, I’m so funny). It is delightful.) (His ship is a terror they call The Kraken. Ha, get it? Get it - because Diego’s name - and the monster from legend - okay yeah I’ll shut up now.)

Allison is a badass goddess, covered in colorful tattoos with gold in her hair. She was a prostitute for awhile, stealing a bunch along the way, but one day one of the pirate captains who approached her tried to take more than he paid for. She broke both his hands and killed him in cold blood, then defeated his entire crew in a sword fight single-handedly, earning their respect. She now rides with that same crew as their captain, in one of those off-the-shoulder poet-blouse-corset dresses and high brown boots. Ray is a leutinant who’s been chasing her for years, the two of them flirting back and forth forever… but he’ll never catch her. It’s bad form to arrest your wife.

Klaus is the governor’s bastard son, a totally wild spirit who wears dresses all the time, drinks his weight at parties, and has slept with half the town (marriage is not a problem for him, this is Klaus, we all know he is very down for threesomes). He’s stolen half of Reginald’s shit for Diego over the years, and has been sneaking off to see him just as long, completely in love with his pirate king. Though he’s loved others before - Dave, for example, a soldier whose death broke Klaus into give in to Reginald’s plan to marry him off to Luther (who Klaus loves, just, Not Like That™). The day Diego kidnaps him from his own wedding is the best fucking day of his life - okay, no it wasn’t. That was second best. The best day of his life was the day he and Diego watched Diego’s ship and treasure burn and sink into the sea, and Klaus asked him if he was alright, and Diego just shrugged. Said, You’re the only treasure I need, and kissed him like the world was ending. Yeah. That was the best day of his life, because Diego is the best anything in his life.

Five was a pirate queen until he transitioned a few years ago, though only by word of mouth. No one’s ever seen him. Anyone who works for him doesn’t make it a month outside of the job, usually by his own hands, but people keep coming because nobody knows who he is. He sails alone, though he offers Klaus refuge on his boat for a few days under the moniker Aidan, because he knows Diego loves him, and Five actually respects Diego (if only because he respects Lila who he only respects because he respects Eudora). He hates the Handler for leaving him stranded on an island when he was just a child, an unwanted product of her crew’s hard partying, and has vowed to kill her one day for leaving him alone for so long, ageless in misery. He talks to the mermaid on the front of his ship named Dolores and kills without mercy, and when he finally reveals himself as this skinny pale thirteen-year-old with the grandpa haircut, he revels in the looks on his family’s faces as they try to rebuild their blown brain circuits.

Ben loves Klaus more than life itself, which is, in hindsight, probably why he’s dead. Oh who is he kidding, it’s definitely why he’s dead. Klaus is sort of, kind of, maybe, just a little bit a witch, and they hang witches where they’re from. So when they needed someone to blame for the odd happenings Klaus had caused recently, Ben had taken the blame and worn the noose proudly. Klaus still talks to him all the time, his ghost anyway, and it’s fine - but Klaus lives on the sea now, with Diego, and Ben gets seasick like all the time. (And then he steals Davy Jones’ heart and gets trapped as a tentacle monster, which is honestly not that bad. It helps him scare birds, and Ben likes scaring birds.)

Vanya works as the blacksmith’s apprentice, sad and lonely. She’s been having an affair with the duchess Sissy for years, also working as her maid and a nanny for her son Harlan when asked, but mostly she’s alone, with no one else to care for in the world. (And that creep officer Leonard keeps asking her to marry him, which, just. Ew.) When Five shows up, his hands in his pockets, and offers her a way out, well - what else could she possibly do?

Lila is a badass pirate princess who don’t take no shit from anybody. She wears bright pink ballgowns while skewering people like kabobs, which is funny because she’s a well-known maneater. Literally. (Yes I included a Hannibal character in here because it’s my AU and I can do whatever the fuck I want.) She fell in love with Eudora, and thought she had corrupted the kind sergeant until she found out Eudora had been an undercover pirate the whole time, helping Diego smuggle Reginald’s gold and goods in and out of port. (That’s hot as fucking hell, she blurts when she realizes. Fuck, I’m gonna marry this woman.) She has a serious rum problem she will not be addressing and a collection of pet parrots that will forever prevent her and Ben from becoming friends. When she and Eudora get married, it’s in the middle of the pouring rain while thunder and lightning and gunshots crack around them and they’re killing people and shooting canons left and right (because I may not have shipped Will and Elizabeth but by god if their wedding wasn’t the best fucking thing I’ve ever seen). Now if only she could find the king of the pirates… she’s been hunting Five for years, hoping to prove herself to him, but he just… won’t show up.

Eudora is the sergeant in Reginald’s legions, and has been using her position to help Diego pirate goods since before he even left with Grace. She makes a lot of deals with him, having him carry her cargo and speak with her connections in exchange for her keeping an eye on Klaus for him, which to be honest they both know she’d do anyway. She helped Diego get to Klaus’ wedding and kidnap him, confusing the soldiers in pursuit of the bride, and follows them off to sea, finally home. She feels she owes an eternal debt to Klaus for not being able to save Ben from execution, though she tried, almost desperately. She flirts with Lila all the damn time, and believes in magic, wanting to travel the world looking for it. Most importantly, you should know that she will and has killed for a cheeseburger. (I know they weren’t invented yet shut up.)

Reginald is the governor of the colony, and Klaus’ father. He’s an asshole, one who constantly hunts the pirates because his wife Grace left him to be one. He only has one eye because Grace cut the other out viciously in their last fight, and he’s an abusive piece of shit who lives to terrorize and tax people. Pogo is his assistant / advisor / let-me-stand-here-and-give-you-good-advice-that-we-all-know-you’ll-ignore person. Reginald refuses to die before he catches Grace and sees her hanging in the square - something that seems more and more likely by the day. (HA, Grace says. He wishes.)

Grace is the original pirate queen, and lives in legend. She faked her death after living a double life for years, leaving Reginald and taking her son Diego with her. She knows Reginald doesn’t believe in her death, because she cut his eye out and nearly killed him right before she left, but everyone else believes it. She jumped from the bell tower and Klaus himself “went mad with grief” at the sight of her body, though he of course knows she’s alive and keeps up the story for her benefit. She injured Reginald so severely because he killed Ben, knowing that he wasn’t guilty, and that the witch in question had done nothing wrong anyway. She is known to be fiercely protective of her children, and kind in nature despite her ability to kill you using a historic number of methods. Her crew is made up of refugees who she offered shelter and a better life in exchange for their servitude, including Five, for awhile, who was running a scam. She knows who he is, and remembers his face well - but she keeps it to herself. Though she could match him in a fight easily, she has no interest in battling the boy she has grown to love as a son. (She’s also the one who officiates Diego and Klaus’ wedding, but that’s unrelated.)

The Handler is another pirate queen, and Grace’s greatest rival. She has two pistols at her waist and is not afraid to use them, having such deadly aim that she’s never missed a target - except Diego, which she hates him for. Also for encouraging her first mate and daughter Lila to mutiny, but that’s a whole other can of worms. Her ship is followed by an entire shiver of sharks, who let her use them like water skis whenever she wants. She abandoned Five on an island when he was born into her crew, as she hates children with a burning passion. (There are rumors she eats little boys’ bones. They have yet to be disproven.) Hazel is her snivelling first mate and Cha-Cha is her willing servant and second captain, a master at the wheel and with a sword. Agnes is an old psychic (ha, she’s faking it. She’s got no fuckin’ clue where Five is and will continue to lie whenever asked) she keeps in the brig after kidnapping her years ago, hoping to get a read on Five, who the Handler hates for constantly stealing her goods before they even make it to port. (She has no idea he’s the same boy she left on that island all those years ago - he’s certainly not the only child she’s done that to. But countless are out for her blood… almost every person Grace has rescued was left to die on an island by the Handler.) She eventually dies at Klaus’ hand, who plunges a sword through her heart in defense of his family, who she made the fatal mistake of coming after. (It happened in the same rainy battle where Lila and Eudora were married. He was wearing a yellow ballgown.)

Also Jack Sparrow is super great friends with Lila and he’s married to Will Turner who’s honestly so exhausted but gets along great with Ben and Elizabeth is their ace-aro friend who is a goddamn queen and who Diego has a lowkey crush on and Klaus can geek out with for hours. It’s awesome.

[dafuq-i-did-not-sign-up-for-this]

Umbrella Academy Season 3 Predictions [SPOILERS]

Season 2 ended with quite the brainfuck, Sparrow Academy and all. So apparently our lovely children have fucked up the timeline for good now.

Or have they?

Without too much analyzing, and without knowing what else might have changed in 2019, I'd say the two main reasons for the change would probably have been

the crew meeting Reginald in 1963 and explaining everything, from the apocalypse to their powers.

not taking Harlan, who still has powers, with them to 2019.

First point is interesting, because in season 1 we've always wondered, FIVE has wondered how Reginald could possibly know about the apocalypse. So maybe he knows because they told him. But because obviously, the timeline has been messed up, and the first time the apocalypse happened everyone but Five died, it might've been the first time ever they traveled back. So time loop? Unlikely.

Which brings me to my first thesis: a net of timelines.

Those who have watched Avengers Endgame know, that in the MCU there are different strings of time. Every time someone makes a change a new timeline arises. Without affecting the already established one.

And as Five has not yet stopped existing, his older self must've jumped back to 2019 and done everything he has done in Season 1. Means that timeline should still be existing. It should've even opened a new timeline, seeing as he would've kept his adult body this time. It would explain why Five is still stuck in his teenage body at the end of the season.

Effectively, the crew would have entered another timeline, much like an Alternate Universe.

So maybe the plot of season 3 will evolve around them trying to untangle the timelines and get back to theirs.

The alternative to that is to travel back and fix it before all of them stop existing, as they would have turned out completely different people in the just-one-changed-timeline-scenario. Which would too fit the whole apocalypse-deadline theme of the previous seasons. Just this time the apocalypse is limited to the Umbrella Academy.

Personally I think it will be the net of timelines, because why go as far as introducing a whole alternate reality and possibly new characters, only to send the crew right back to season 2? It wouldn't fit the quality of storytelling the show has provided so far.

Or maybe they'll only go and "fix" Harlan. A lot of people have already connected him to the Sparrow Academy because of his toy, which I think does make a lot of sense seeing how this show is in a sense supernatural people messing with time. As I've said earlier, he's probably got a big role in how everything turned out.

What I love about this is the foreshadowing it would have. Remember Fives and Vanyas argument in S2Ep7? Five said it would be too much of a risk to take Sissy and Harlan, cause it could change the timeline. Now look how fucking awesome it would be if NOT taking them was what actually messed it up. The poetic cinema.

Especially because Harlan got his powers AFTER that argument BECAUSE Five didn't force Vanya to come with him. (Which he could have done btw. Yes. I'm a sucker for Five being soft for Vanya.)

Sidenote: a lot of shit this season could've been prevented if Five would have treated Vanya like he treats the rest of his siblings. (Remember he straight up told Diego he would kill him if he didn't go along with the plan, and ten minutes later let Vanya say goodbye to Sissy tho it endangered their success in saving the world? Yup.)

Okay, back on topic.

Why the Commission hasn't intervened isn't that difficult.

Obviously they are short on assassin's after Vanya vibe checked them all in "The End Of Something", so they wouldn't have had the resources to fix it, by, for example, taking out Harlan.

They did try to preserve the timeline, by taking out the Hargreeves siblings in season 2, which failed obviously. And in the end Herb and Co did them a favor by letting them return to 2019, either because they willingly let the timeline change now that the company is upside down, or because everything had been fucked up already at that point, beyond their control because of missing personell.

Now it gets tricky, because I haven't yet gotten behind how the Commissions time runs. That's why I can't say what part they'll play in season 3. Perhaps they'll be out of the picture completely due to lack of assassins, or maybe they'll help Five and Co fix everything. But that would be too easy honestly.

What else could happen?

Lila. She disappeared with a briefcase, fucked off to god knows when, I don't believe she'll be left out of the picture. She and Diego will probably get a side plot about her overcoming her upbringing and finding real love, a real family. Because Five time travelled to save them, the Handler didn't get time to show her ugly side to Lila before dying. Could very well be that this effects her deception of the Umbrella crew and she turns into somewhat of an enemy-to-friends kinda scenario. Perhaps she'll be pitted against Five again.

Sissy comeback? I dunno, but she'd probably be around 80/90 in 2019? I could see her and Vanya getting a short reunion for nostalgias sake and to get Vanya some closure, tho I thought their last scene in ep10 to be pretty good on that part. Maybe she'll come in in connection with Harlan.

More sibling interaction. They've done so well setting up Team Zero this season, I'm fucking excited for what the next will hold.

More a personal wish of mine, but everyone being overprotective over Vanya. Imagine the Sparrow Academy bad mouthing her and Diego, Luther and Five going overprotective brother™ while Allison and Klaus give em stanky eye and judge.

Everyone getting their powers in check, Five and Vanya especially. Five because we've already seen him making incredible progress, and Vanya, because maybe in this timeline she is able to control her powers and learns from her other self? But that's for another post.

Which brings me to last but not least, the Sparrow Academy. The potential! I'm gonna do a separate post about my thoughts on this, because this one is already way too long and I have a lot of thoughts on it.

Whatever might happen, I can't wait. Given the ending of season 2, the possibilities are endless. I mean? They have a freaking briefcase? Five just managed to time travel on his own?

On that note I might need to mention I haven't read the graphic novels so I can't take any predictions from that. This post is likely gonna be extended at some point.

[astrovian]

I have SO MANY things to say about the Uncle Vanya film:

- Richard looks hella good in green (his scarf at the very end)

- he clearly has not been pigging out during quarantine (unlike the rest of us) because DAMN that shirtless scene, he looks better than he did in the stills released from pre-Covid. Dad bod my ass

- the whole 'Richard in a waistcoat and suit jacket without a shirt' is a look™ that I can get behind

- the opening of the play is HAUNTING, and the play feels much more claustrophobic than it did on stage

- the whole drunk "A'ght" scene was sadly a lot less funny than it was live. Mind you, that might have just been me misremembering how funny I found it when I first saw it

- it was real cute to see the cast/crew at the end once the play was done, but it changed the tone from one of hope after Sonya's speech to one of an unease about the future of theatre. Not that it was a bad change at all

- they removed Astrov looking in the window at Yelena in the rain?

- Aimee Lou Wood's Sonya is literally so everyone on here, i had to stop myself from laughing at her absolutely speechless and besotted face during an almost weirdly long close up of her face while Astrov is talking to her

- there's a noticeable shift in tone in terms of the environment; it goes from feeling haunting and cold and claustrophobic at the start to warm, comforting and familiar by the end of the last act

- I'm almost glad we got this instead of normal filmed theatre - the close ups from crew on stage made much more of an emotional impact on me than it did when I saw the play live and you can't really see facial expressions clearly

- holy fuck I found it so much more emotional than I did when I saw it in person

- the silence during the first joke/comedic moment when I remember the audience laughing during the run really fucked me up and made me real sad

- Richard's HAIR especially at the end good lord

- Also I think he's thinning a little on the top of his crown RIP (sorry dude), particularly noticeable in one rather unfortunate close up on the top of his head

- the change in Astrov when he's sober and less distraught at the end of the play vs. the beginning/middle where he's drunk af all the time is amazing and much more noticeable than it was live. Richard is a brilliant fucking actor, in case anyone was in doubt 😂

- Sonya sniffing his fucking socks

- Toby Jones taking his pants off

- I just loved it more??? I felt like it was easier to understand and relate to the characters and their emotions than it was live and you got to catch all the little subtle movements and miunte expressions that these brilliant actors utilise. But that could have been cause when I saw it live I didn't have the best seats, so detail in facial expressions was hard to read. My GOOD seats were for a later show which was part of the cancelled ones

- also, Richard's dorky drunk dance. Cannot WAIT to gif it

- I have never heard a cinema so still or quiet while the credits rolled

- I just. I can't. Go watch it if you can do so safely.