#the way the director handled this still Bothers me

[jabbajacks]

i was right in the middle of drawing and was gonna put the Project Sekai 'Autos' on before I forgot

when I realised there was another thing I'd forgotten, that was to run through the WxS event

turns out I really needed that one, huh

[grlpartdoll]

part 2 :]

Can you imagine, after years of providing for the army — sort of old and a little bit grey — John Price, deciding to establish his own traveling agency.

He knows a lot of special spots, and knows too much about the history of the world. So he figures, after his honorable discharge from the military, that.. well, why not make money out of it?

His company grows quickly, eventually Soap and Gaz also decide that they've had enough, so they join, and the company grows again — under their careful direction.

They have an office building ten stories high now, and Ghost is the last to join after a lot of convincing (and an injury to his knee, but no one mentions that. At all.)

Price is their CEO, Gaz the marketing director, Soap the head of the client services and management teams, and Ghost becomes a Price's right hand.

Price knows he's not getting any younger, so he's steadily training Ghost to take his place, and getting Soap and Gaz used to the idea, too.

He'd asked Kyle, first, if he would like the position, to which he kindly denied and said he liked this — his own team, being able to do something that was pretty and purposeful for once.

Soap hadnt even let Price ask. He'd pointed to Ghost, during one of the meetings, and simply said ; "That' the big guy's job. Keep me outta' f'it."

So to Simon it went.

Since the transition is rough, and much more than Ghost — Simon — can handle all at once, Price makes him hire an assistant.

Comes in ; You!

Simon expects an old, cranky lady with office experience.

Instead he gets you, sunshiny, young — kind and with experience, sure, but so fucking clumsy.

You're still bright-eyed at your age, still have that sparkle in the depth of your twin stars. Ghost envies it, almost. If he didn't know what he did about the world, Simon would be glad to be like you. But unfortunately for him, he knew just how being innocent could harm someone.

Which is why he's out to break your little heart and your innocence.

Doesn't greet you back in the morning when you're all sing-songy, bidding the team that works in front of Simon's closed office a "goooood mornin'! I got donuts!"

Doesn't even look up from his pile of paperwork as you put down the tea on his desk — exactly how he likes it.

Just grunts as you go over what he needs to do on that specific day, the meetings he has, and the people he needs to call back.

But you don't let that deter you. You sit at your little desk just opposite of his, little kitten heels tip-tapping the whole way there. Maybe your hips sway a little. It's not like he was looking long enough to know, or anything.

Anyway — he's a horrible boss. Snappy. Angry. Grunt-y, and silent. He makes it known that he's disappointed in you when you make mistakes — but he always makes sure to go above and beyond what a normal boss should be. Always making sure you know that you're 'makin a mess on his carpet.' with your outside heels (you don't have the money to get inside and outside ones. So you wear yours inside and outside.) or that 'this chart is all wrong. Redo it before going home.' (you have a date tonight. It's 7pm, and you're supposed to stop working at five. Your date is at 7:30.)

It's no surprise that eventually, you start to be quieter around him — more avoidant, and certainly more skittish.

But it gets especially worse on that one day.

It was raining — you'd had the worst morning ever. Your shoes were all wet, including your socks. You'd dropped your coffee on your way in (sorry, receptionist) and you'd forgotten the report sheets you needed at home — a hour bus ride away.

Simon's knee aches worse on the pouring days, and he's more snappy, so you're usually careful around him.

But today, you've had enough, so you don't even bother greeting him, don't bother a smile. You don't even add any little joyful notes to his schedule while you rattle it off to him.

When lunchtime ticks by, you realize you forgot your lunch, so you have to order in, and you know it'll take longer, so you do extra work in the meantime, while you wait. Simon doesn't get up either.

When thirty minutes tick by and you still haven't gotten up, and your delivery person still hasn't reached the building, he looks up over the rim of his glasses, grunting.

"What're you doing."

"Pardon?" You ask, frowning.

"You usually are eating by now. Are you late in your work?"

"No—"

"Because, I've noticed you put in a notice for extra hours. 11 hours this week. And yet." He ticks his tongue at the pile of paperwork on your desk. At the mess you call your order. "Look' atcha. Right mess. And I still don't have last month's expenses chart I was supposed to get on Monday."

You lower your head. You were admittedly a bit in over your head — but that was because he refused to give your work to anyone else like Price had done it. John had always made sure the technical team handled most of what you were handed off now, and he'd also always made sure it was separated equally, so that not only one person had to shoulder all of the work.

But Simon — mister Riley, had it out for your head, and refused for his paperwork to be done by anyone but him and his assistant.

"I'm sorry, but —"

He grunts again. Removes his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose. "That's not normal. If you're not capable of keeping up with this company, with the workload, then I suggest—"

You blink. This — this was the wave that broke the damn dam. "Oh, fuck off!"

Tears immediately began pouring from you then, fat heavy tears that you didn't even know had been waiting to be freed, rage swarming your senses as you picked up your bag from the floor beside you. You don't even feel your hands.

You stand from your chair, still with wet shoes that squeak uncomfortably under the sudden pressure and leave, slamming the door to his office behind you.

[spatial-jump]

Spoilers for all episodes of the Umbrella Academy Season 4 and profanity below.

What the actual fuck was that finale?? Was I watching the same thing directors looked at and went, “Yeah, this is cool!”

Those last two episodes were a total shit show. An absolutely horrendous finale to a wonderful TV show.

The first thing I am so fucking pissed about is how they’ve written Five in this season. They ruined him. They tore apart the aloof apocalypse-obsessed arsehole who loves his family, destroyed it, spat on it, and then danced on the grave before crushing it under an anvil.

In no fucking timeline whatsoever would Five and Lila be a thing. I understand where some people would come from to defend it — that yes, they were both isolated for seven years and could only find company in each other, distorting their relationship as they sought comfort which mistakenly and incorrectly transpired into ‘love’. No, it’s messed up. It’s so fucking messed up and creates unnecessary drama that the writers probably wanted since they were undeniably lacking in the finale. When I first saw the camera angles and shots they were getting prior to Year Five in the subway, I was naïvely thinking, “Surely not. Please don’t tell me this is where I think it’s going.” And lo and behold, I was right. And I’ve never hated to be right so much in my entire life.

Lila (WHO HAS THREE ADORABLE CHILDREN WITH DIEGO, BY THE WAY) has known Five for absolutely ages — since he was in the body of a thirteen-year-old child. Mentally, he’s however many decades older. Regarding the actors, Aidan and Ritu, themselves, there is a fifteen-year gap between them. But my point is, Five is not a home-wrecker. Five is the type of character who would not deliberately fuck around with his brother’s wife because he absolutely adores his family. It’s not in the nature that has been presented to us, and goes completely against his values — and for what? To serve exclusively as a shitty love triangle so that Diego and Five would fight in the finale and break up the family even more at the most crucial point for them?

Five is your textbook example of a pragmatist. He knows how to prioritise, and would certainly not decide that the time to fight Diego was when two of their siblings were badly injured and another had merged to bring about the Cleanse — a.k.a. end of the world, again.

I am so, so disappointed with this, especially as Five is the character I’ve had the strongest attachment to, ever. I think I’ve managed to disconnect S4 him from the first three (that fucking greasy rat’s nest hair of his has finally been given a beneficial purpose), but I’m still sick to my stomach.

Anyway, next thing: the episodes. I know we were told in advance about how there were only going to be six episodes, and we knew they had a lot to fit in to make it work.

It didn’t. It was executed very poorly. I understand some fans didn’t like the unnecessary subplots and fillers from the previous seasons, but S4 was a bit too rushed? I mean, they found and drank the marigold within the first episode. And floundered around at the end, not even bothering to stop the Cleanse until it had been aired on TV. I get they might’ve wanted to make the show more fast-paced, but it could’ve been handled differently. They didn’t have to do a ‘Stranger ThingsTM’ and make four goddamn films for a Part One. They just needed to properly iron out everything, and that didn’t happen, which is a massive shame.

The finale itself (not the erasing their identities, but from the moment Ben is shot) deserves some YouTuber to pick it apart with a four hour video until it’s dust. It was badly structured. Normally, you see a rather pleasant — not exactly linear, but in the concept we’re progressing positively — pattern as the episodes and plots build up to the finale. We see the family find out about an apocalypse, they fight and break off individually, then they slowly pair up, eventually coming together to save the world. This was not like that.

Instead, you had one sibling fucking around in a subway with his physically much older and mentally much younger sister-in-law, another that was hopelessly obsessed with a girl he just met (but no hate for him — no one exactly told him that being closer to Jennifer was just harming them both and the world), one germaphobe who, despite not taking drugs or drinking, is off looting money wherever he can find it and deciding that was the moment to pay off his debts??, three others doing fuck knows, and then the last one who actually gives a shit, teamed up with his hideous father, and tried to prevent him from killing Ben as long as possible because he knows what it’s like to end the world, and is therefore the only one who did anything useful. God, that was a long sentence, so I’m sorry for those of you who struggle with it.

The finale was not your Umbrella Academy finale. Once everyone had (I say this in the lightest way) been ‘brought together’, they had no bloody idea what to do. In the meantime, they’d disbanded about three times within the thirty minutes of screening because of petty fights and the drama I’ve already discussed. Five leaving them at the most essential moment (due to Lila and Diego, blah, blah, blah) was an error in his character. This old man has survived through apocalypses, the one who tries to round everyone up despite everything he has seen. Even with his doubts in the S3 finale, he was still there — and his doubts were shared enough that they created a majority. In this S4 finale, there was no majority. It was just Five, and Five alone. There were gaping holes and shredded pieces of the beautifully developed characters the show had done so well in portraying. They did this with Allison during that scene in S3, where they took her villain arc too far. There are so many flaws in this, and there is definitely many people out there who can communicate it better and more concisely, but here is my two pennies anyway.

I have a lot more thoughts, but I’m currently bone-tired. I might post another rant if I remember anything else — but don’t be too surprised if it’s Five x Lila related.

I am thankful and appreciative that the Umbrella Academy was one of the lucky shows that saw its way to the very end, but I think all of us are entitled to a little disappointment at its quality and execution as it was brought to a close.

[biteofcherry]

To find the light, we must first touch the darkness

Please also check out @bluepinkangel​’s amazing hot moodboard for this universe 🖤

dark!mafia Steve Rogers x female reader

summary: When you unexpectedly are appointed to run a health center, you foresee many struggles along the way, but not one in the form of a merciless mob boss. Steve Rogers’ core aim is to own and he won’t take no for an answer. To any of his demands.

warnings: dark!Steve Rogers; manipulation; threats; power imbalance;

word count: 4.4k

Touch the Darkness Masterlist

Chapter 2. Lava in the snow

~ * ~ 

Always a professional, you decided on setting hard boundaries with Mr Rogers, but in the privacy of your office. 

It was never a good idea to have an audience for a type of a scolding, especially if a person considered themselves in a position of power compared to the people witnessing the scene. That escalated reactions, while meeting eye to eye gave the opportunity for both parties to still hold respect.

Taking a step back from Rogers’ towering posture, you stiffly motioned for him to walk inside your office. 

You cast a pointed glare Natalie’s way as you closed the door. She was swift in her work against the unexpected circumstances, but you wanted to drive in the point of not doing favors for anyone.

The only favors you accepted in the center were those for the patients. For them you’d make things as flexible as needed.

You took a calming breath, fingers still resting on the door handle, before you pulled back your shoulders and turned around to face your guest. 

He watched you curiously. At least you preferred to assess it as merely curiosity, as something told you it was best not to read the intensity in his eyes as actual, deeper interest. 

The way his gaze slid up from your feet, taking in every inch of your body until it settled on your face, was bordering on inappropriate. 

You met his gaze evenly, trying not to show that the vivid contrast between you two made you feel uneasy.  

You were wearing a simple, pale blue pantsuit (the jacket currently hanging over the back of your office chair) and a white blouse; your heels not too high, a few jewelry pieces not overbearing your looks. 

Appealing light tones to underline your professional approach. 

He was an unpolished chunk of darkness. Clean, but heavy boots; jeans on which you tried not to focus, since they seemed so tight around his thighs and ass; a dark henley and a black leather jacket to match. 

Each piece was basic, but pristine; and heavy compared to yours. 

Light versus dark, to put it simply. 

But there was more to the difference between the two of you. And you weren’t certain - not with the way he carried himself - that you’d easily maintain an upper hand even in your own office.

Rogers was like a nugget of volcanic rock that landed among the bright snow of your world, and the black heart of it sizzled with so much destroying force the innocent wintery landscape would have to melt for him.

“Please sit, Mr Rogers.” You tilted your chin up, adamant on not yielding. 

You walked around him, noticing that he moved to sit down only as you took a seat in your own chair. He probably waited to assess your intentions. Or it could be a gentleman’s habit, though you wouldn’t assume he possessed such traits. 

Not with the way he strolled into the center, like there was no risk of him being denied anything he demanded. 

He was probably leading some old-money, family company, where the great grandsons of a slaver were so used to their wealth and spoiled with attention, they didn’t even bother to show simplest acts of courtesy. 

“I’m sure you’re a busy man Mr Rogers,” you forced your jaw to relax, not to grit the words through your teeth. “So I assume your need to see me goes beyond simply wanting to meet the new director of the center.”

You knew there have been phone calls with invitations to lunches, or brunches, or other unches, with bored philanthropists and benefactors. Which Natalie skilfully dodged, placating the hungry for novelty elites with promises of you joining them for a meal in the future.

You didn’t suspect Rogers of that, but one could never be sure. 

“It does, but you are a curiosity.” He leaned back in his chair. 

“How so?” You raised an eyebrow.

Was it because your name hasn’t been on the list of celebrity doctors, with whom Stark-level elites were mingling with? To have an actual commoner become the head of a prospering health center could shake the boring world of snobs. 

Then again, it didn’t seem that the center was interesting to any of them, since Howard made sure to not profit from it. Its main goal was to serve people, not his name. 

“A pretty, shiny fish being dropped into a tank full of sharks and swimming through it all calm and confident.” 

His voice carried hints of amusement and disbelief; and also a drop of fascination, which alerted your senses as something bad. 

Still, you weren’t about to reveal uneasiness, nor uncertainty. That’s how people of his caliber learned they get to poke at weaker ones. You wouldn’t be weaker. So you crossed your palms in your lap, holding your back ramrod straight. 

“If you mean dealing with health care system moguls, I assure you I have experience in that. Managing donations for a privately based center won’t be much different than wrapping pharmaceutical companies around a finger.” You shrugged, quite confident in your abilities. 

Rogers, in turn, grinned darkly.

“That’s not what I mean at all.” He replied, entertained with your attempts to cover a shiver which clearly shook your body. 

Becoming even more annoyed, you huffed and placed your hands on your desk.

“What is it that you mean, then?” You asked, your patience thinning. 

“You have no idea who I am, do you?” Rogers tilted his head to the side, previously shown amusement dimming down. 

The air around him seemed to hum with power as his features settled into sharp seriousness. You were starting to suspect it wasn’t a usual business meeting. Nothing about this man was usual. Not in your standards, anyway.  

“One of Howard’s benefactors?” You swallowed nervously, while still trying to remain calm on the outside. 

You wanted to believe that initial assumption, even though you now suspected it to be a lie. Not only from the course of the conversation, but also the way Steve Rogers sat in a basic office chair as if it was a throne.

His ringed fingers resting loosely over the armrests added to that aura. 

Thick, dark silver bands; some simple, some twisted in more intricate shape, a few even had colorful stones submerged into heavy metal. 

Vines of black ink stretched over one of his hands, a shape of bare roots that twisted into a thicker pattern over his wrists, but the tattoo disappeared under the sleeve of his jacket and you were unable to decipher it. 

You should’ve noticed earlier that he wasn’t a spoiled heir to an old fortune, but someone who probably reaped his riches with brute force.

“Of sort.” Rogers quirked his eyebrows, the corner of his mouth tilting in a smirk for a brief second. It was all gone in a blink of an eye. 

“I’m someone who has all of those benefactors under my thumb.” He stated simply. “As well as other people.”

He wasn’t boasting. Rather laying down the law he expected you to take into consideration and abide by. 

“What do you want exactly?” Earlier you were careful not to irritate (too much) a potential donor, now you needed to stay cautious of danger that lurked beneath the surface of Rogers’ handsome face.   

“A lot of things,” his grin was sharp and threatening, “but now, from you? I want this place.”

That actually surprised you. Having watched too many movies, you half expected to hear something about paying for protection, or else your place will accidentally burn down to the ground. 

Instead, Steve Rogers wanted to own the whole place. For what reason? It made absolutely no sense. It wasn’t a company that gained money, you weren’t producing, or selling anything worthy. It was a health center founded on charities, basic contracts with the ministry, taking care of people who couldn’t afford private help. 

“You want to run a health center?” You asked slowly, still not comprehending his words. 

“Not at all.” Steve shook his head, his grin not disappearing. “The grounds it stands on are of value to me.”

At that you felt a surge of anger. Justified, in your opinion. 

A cocky bastard, who potentially could kill you with his bare hands, was attempting to deprive dozens of people in need of medical and mental help they needed, just because he wanted to own some valuable land. 

“There are plenty of available plots all over the city and outside of it.” You rose to your feet in a rush, ready to throw him out of your office (though you weren’t sure how exactly you would manage to do that).

“I am not going to hand over this place, robbing people in need of the help they only recently received, just because you wish to broaden your show-off territory.” You circled your desk in swift steps, standing in front of Rogers with your hands on your hips. 

“I won’t ever sell it. Or hand it over. No!”

As you nearly screamed the last word, it dawned on you what you’ve done. How reckless was your outburst, considering the man you were speaking to. 

You still had no idea who he was exactly, how deep under the ground he buried his enemies - or maybe, quite the contrary, he displayed them for all to see, so no one else would go against him. But you sensed it was stupid to go for his throat so boldly. 

“You haven’t yet heard my offer.” Rogers remained seated, though you noticed his fingers clenching on the armrests of his chair. 

His rings scraped against the metal and you almost felt the cold pressure of them against your own throat. He’d undoubtedly leave red dents in your skin if he clenched his large hand around your neck. 

“I’m not interested in it.” This time your reply came out softer; as if his fingers were already circling the front of your neck, threatening to squeeze. 

You weren’t going to change your decision, but you had enough working brain left to control yourself to not antagonize Rogers further. 

“You should be.” Steve slowly stood up. 

As he did, you instinctively took a step back, bumping into your own desk. Which was a bad move, you knew. Not only you sort of blocked your own way of escape, but showed a sign of fear, which the predator before you undoubtedly noticed. 

“See, I’m not the only one who will show interest in this place.” Rogers rolled his shoulders back, in a move similar to fighters readying to throw a punch. 

With how big he was, how strong his fingers alone looked, you suspected that if he punched you, your teeth wouldn’t only rattle in your mouth, but fall out. 

Though maybe he wouldn’t hit you, just break your neck in one quick snap. 

“Word goes around, especially in this city. Others will reach out to you, too, when they find out I’ve shown interest.” He took a step forward. “Sooner or later. For your sake, I hope it’s too late for them.”

When his gaze slid up the length of your body, it felt like a scrape of a blade against your skin. 

His eyes were so cold, irises a shade of rising sunlight caught in mountain ice, that running a sharp knife along your skin might feel a warmer caress than standing his gaze. 

A chill crept up your spine. 

A different kind of zing surged downward at the unexpected image of Rogers' blue eyes studying your responses as he runs an actual blade over your body. 

Still, you tilted your chin up defiantly, arms crossing over your chest. 

"If it's so desired by many, as you claim, why should I take your offer instead of others?" You asked, stubbornly refusing to bend to Steve Rogers' will. 

Not that you planned on taking anyone’s offer, but perhaps you could play a sneaky game and lead them all in circles with false declarations of selling to the others. Though you doubted they’d believe it for long. Rogers sure didn’t look stupid enough to fall for it.  

He cocked his head to the side, a glimmer of curiosity reigniting in his eyes; like a glint at the tip of an ice pick about to pierce right through you. 

"Because-" his voice was so deceivingly warm and deep- "I can protect you from them. But no one can protect you from me, Princess." 

First obvious threat striked you, forcing the air out of your lungs in a gasp. Your arms fell to your sides, fingers slightly trembling. 

You wanted to accuse him of a big ego, laugh that any petty criminal would say how dangerous they are and no one else could protect you from them. But somehow you believed Rogers. You believed he’s as scary and untouchable as he painted himself to be. 

“There’s no need for condescending names,” you blurted out instead, needing to direct your shaken feelings at something. 

“Condescending?” Steve inched even closer, his feet bracketing yours as his hands slipped between your arms and your body to rest on the edge of the desk. 

He had you truly trapped. Caged between the desk and his powerful body, which radiated warmth that was so tempting to lean into. 

Further temptation was his perfume. A warm spicy scent, notes of cedar and cardamom, with a splash of something awakening, something tart and fresh to pull you from the lulling haze of the first notes. 

His perfume was just like him - a lethal slice of acid hidden beneath a warm, comforting veneer.

“A Princess is a title of a royal family’s member,” Rogers’ eyes bore into yours, “You may not be connected by blood, but you are now an heiress to Stark, who has been treated like royalty for decades.”

“A Princess-” one of his hands brushed your hip- “is also a girl deserving to be spoiled.”

You couldn’t help glancing at his lips when he licked them. Or maybe you wanted any excuse not to be looking into his ice cold eyes. 

“Seize the opportunity while I still consider you deserving of it.” He pulled back; the comforting softness of his voice transformed into coarse bidding. 

“You can keep your center, I don’t need it locked down. But you will sign the property over to my name.” There was finality to his tone which you didn’t dare object at this very moment. “You have twenty four hours to consider. This time tomorrow, I’ll come to hear you say yes to me, Princess.”

Don’t hold your breath, itched to roll out on your tongue. 

You kept silent, however. Twenty four hours wasn’t long enough to wage your options, but perhaps it’ll be enough to contact law enforcement or other institutions and gain yourself help. 

You watched Rogers leave your office, your fingers clenching on the edge of the desk as you allowed tremors to shake you now that he wasn’t watching. 

A few heartbeats, three deep breaths, and you were straightening. 

You walked to the door with purpose, telling yourself you wouldn't shake if Rogers was still behind them. Yet you sighed in relief when you saw his shadow disappearing far around the corner. 

Your gaze shifted from the end of the corridor to the two people still standing nearby. Natalie was typing away on her phone, seemingly unperturbed by what just occurred. Felix wasn’t shaking as much as before, but his forehead was still dewy with sweat. 

“In my office, n o w.” You ordered, though your anger didn’t scare them as much as Rogers calmth did. 

Maybe you needed to start wearing darker clothes? 

You shook your head to rid away the idiotic thought, reminding yourself that you did not want to be anything like Steve Rogers. Your goal wasn’t to terrify people, it was to provide help and safety. 

Something Rogers was probably unfamiliar with as a concept. 

Felix closed the door when both of them entered your office, choosing to stay behind and sit on a small chaise that served more decoration than a used seat. Natalie took the chair which Rogers not so long vacated, spreading her calendar open in her lap and looking at you with her usual readiness to follow the day’s agenda. 

“Who. The. Fuck. Is Steve Rogers?” You paced the floor, needing to get rid of the last remnants of adrenaline his visit evoked. 

“I swear, if one of you says influential-” you leveled them with a pointed glare- “I will throw a stapler at you.”

“He’s a mob boss.” Felix gulped, rubbing his hands against his thighs. “A very, very bad man.” 

“Well, he’s good at running his branch.” Natalie rolled her eyes. “There are three major mafias in the region. Rogers is the head of one of them. Over the past few years, his power has grown enough to push back the other two families, leaving them only scraps.” 

“A mob boss.” You said to yourself, nearly breathless. 

You suspected it, but some naive, helpless side of you didn’t want to fully believe it.

Things like that happened in movies and books. Sure, you were aware the likes of him truly existed, but they never crossed paths with people like you. Hell, the only crime you ever committed was a speeding ticket half a year after passing your driver’s license exam. 

“More like a king, to be fair.” Natalie looked at you seriously, a first flash of her taking the situation as heavy as it was. “He really has ties all over the city and far beyond that.”

“I’ve heard he has at least four senators in his pocket.” Felix piped in, calmer now that Rogers nor his men were anywhere near. “And quite a few big fishes on other continents, too.” 

Rumors tended to be overblown. Those serving to cement someone’s big, scary reputations were probably deliberately maintained, so people wouldn’t fight him out of fear of consequences. As there were - to some - repercussions worse than death. 

“I should assume he has sway over the police, then.” You nearly deflated as realization dawned on you.

If Rogers had even one third of the influence they said, it meant you wouldn’t do well going with this case to the police. He’d know about it right away, which could result in retaliation worse than what awaited you if you just stubbornly said no. 

“I-” Felix opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “He was seen having dinner with the chief of police and some FBI person. Chatty and cozy, like old friends.” 

Your eyebrows rose nearly to your hairline. Natalie turned her head, glancing at Felix over her shoulder with a genuinely surprised expression, too.

“And how do you know that?” She asked; perhaps a little offended that Felix knew more than her. Natalie liked to be the best at everything.

“You know me, I can’t help but live for the gossip columns and blogs.” He admitted, with an embarrassed sigh. “Even if that’s only gossip, I’m pretty sure it’s close to the truth.”

You suspected he was right. If some of the information about Rogers’ connections was exaggerated, still it was safe to assume it had basis in truth. There was no safe way to ensure your actions weren’t reported back to him. 

“Fucking fantastic.” You muttered, closing your eyes and pressing your fingers against your temples. 

If the whole ordeal resulted only in one big headache, you’d take it. Unfortunately for you, there were more problematic consequences awaiting, regardless of your choice. 

“Can’t you just give him what he wants?” Natalie asked cautiously.

“No!” Felix’s protest sounded more vehement than yours.

His suddenly discovered moral spine surprised you. In a good way. 

Natalie was calculating, you couldn’t blame her for that. If saying yes meant little trouble, you probably would choose it as the logical option. But Rogers owning the place meant he could decide its fate at any time. Promises of letting you run it could be revoked within months. Not to mention the reputation of the center would shatter, if the public learned who truly owns it.  

“If Mr Rogers simply wanted me to admit someone into our program, cutting the waiting list, I’d give him that.” You’d still be pissed that some rich fucker wanted to screw over poor people who were also waiting, but it was something at least someone in need could actually gain from. 

“What he wants isn't that simple.” To him it was; a simple yes or no. To you it could change your entire life. 

Moreover, his insinuation suggested others would be coming with similar propositions. Perhaps worse propositions, leaving you no false hope of even running the health center as it was. 

His wrath, if you took someone else’s offer, would probably be a very painful one, too.

Why did it all have to fall on your head? Couldn’t Rogers discover the worth of these grounds a few months ago, when it would have been Howard’s problem, not yours? 

The rest of the day ticked away like mad. Meetings and smaller problems, with which you’d deal easily any other day, now seemed to gain in size and difficulty. Your head wasn’t clear; images of Rogers’ face flashed back before your eyes. The sound of his voice saying twenty four hours resounded with each strike of the clock.  

Before you knew it, the sun was setting. Meaning you stayed at work longer than you first assumed you would. 

It was dedication to what you did, but at this very moment also fear of having to fully face the truth of what was coming in the morning. Who was coming.

And you still had no idea what to do. 

Felix and Natalie were long gone when you left the building, as were the rest of the employees. Only the night shift security guards remained. They escorted you to the parking entrance and locked the door behind you. 

You nervously swayed your car keys in your hand as you walked toward your car, briefly entertaining the idea of driving far far away. 

An escape would postpone making any decisions. But it wouldn’t solve the problem. 

Quite the opposite, it could multiply it. 

Plus, it wasn’t in your nature to just run. You always fought back against whatever life threw at you. Granted, often you fussed and whined, pitied yourself when you had to struggle with something, but you never ran. 

You were a few steps away from your car when you heard a sound from somewhere behind you. Clutching your keys in your hand, you turned around.

There was no one. 

Before you were able to let out a sigh of relief, a dark cloth was thrown over your head. 

Arms wrapped around you, trapping your own arms to your sides. Your scream was muffled by the hood that covered your whole face and a hand pressing over your mouth. 

You squirmed with all your might, trying to jerk your head backwards to maybe break the assailant’s nose. You managed to kick them, your pointy heel cutting into their leg. 

He cursed, but his hold on you didn’t falter much. It was a man, judging by his voice. He called you a bitch when you began kicking back with all your effort, striking his legs a few more times.  

Then another set of hands were grabbing your ankles, depriving you of this form of defense. They hoisted you up, despite you thrashing like a fish out of water.  

Suddenly, your legs were dropped down. You didn’t know why, only heard a grunt and the sound of something heavy falling.

Your other captor cursed, pushing you down so hard your head hit the asphalt. Above you, something metallic clicked, then grunts and sounds of something crushing followed. You rolled on the ground, hoping to blindly get yourself from whatever was happening.

Buzzing noise filled your head as you propped yourself on your hands and knees. You really hoped you didn’t have a concussion. 

With jerky moves, you ripped the hood off your head. Your vision was slightly foggy. It took you a long moment to realize it wasn’t dark because you had a severe head injury, but because it was very late in the evening. 

You glanced toward the commotion. Someone was lying on the ground, unmoving. Perhaps it was the man who was holding your legs. The other one was fighting with someone. Futily. Despite his muscles and physical strength, he couldn’t block any of the fast punches from his much smaller opponent.

You weren’t interested in staying to see who would win. Your savior would have to do with self-pride, because you weren’t going to stay to say thank you. Oh no, you were going to drive the hell away from here.

As soon as you located your car keys, which had to fall out of your hand when you were tossed to the ground. 

You were searching for them in panic, squinting your eyes to see better in the shadows, when a screeching sound of tires pierced the night. 

A black car burst into the parking lot. It raced past you, smoothly wedging itself between you and your assailants, and halting. 

Two pairs of heavy boots jumped out of the car, landing with a thud on the asphalt. One pair ran around the car toward the fighting strangers, the other pair turned your way. 

“Get rid of them,” came someone’s cold, angry voice. 

“Then find that fucking little rat.” 

You almost crawled back on all fours when those boots stopped inches from you and a familiar face came into your line of vision when he crouched down. 

Steve Rogers was here again. 

And it hasn’t been twenty four hours yet. 

You stared at him, both in fear and awe. He appeared to be your savior, but his eyes didn’t hold an ounce of pity or sympathy. A stormy ocean was locked in his irises. You couldn’t be sure if you weren’t also a part of the source of wrath shining in his eyes.  

Steve reached his hand out, picking up your keys, which suddenly materialized so close to you. He tossed them up and caught them again, but didn’t offer them back to you. 

“Come, Princess. Before midnight strikes and more trouble comes your way.” 

“Worse trouble than you?” You huffed, wincing as you tried to stand up.

You weren’t that badly battered, but it still hurt to move. Dizziness took over your head as you clumsily stood up.

Rogers’ hand wrapped around your elbow, supporting you as you swayed a little. There was that smile again - half amusement, half threat - but the shadows distorted it into a wicked grin. 

“Give us a chance,” he teased, not letting you go, but forcing you to walk along him toward his car, “you may like the kind of trouble I am.”

[wrenwinchester]

I keep seeing stuff about Dean, and how he deserved better, or blamed himself for everything. And I have to keep myself from defending Sam because Dean isn’t the only one. (If you can’t tell I’m a very Dean-coded Samgirl, and I have to remind myself that most of the time the creators of the edit, or post know this and they’re just highlighting Dean’s experience. And I can appreciate that.) so this is my Sam appreciation/defense post because I have feelings.

Sam deserved everything and more, he wasn’t always the best brother, but neither was Dean, and the ways both brothers struggle are with things they superimpose on themselves because they don’t know how to handle their grief, or how to live without the other. Dean tries to fix it by taking his brother’s autonomy, Sam tries to respect Dean’s autonomy when he dies, or something happens, it’s why he didn’t just go call an ambulance like he wanted to in the finale (I know I usually say non-existent finale, but I’m making a point.) it’s why he didn’t look for Dean while he was in purgatory, he figured Dean was probably in heaven, and he couldn’t imagine a world where taking that away from him was good. (Also he was traumatized, and tired of losing people.)

He went through so much crap, and it’s so overlooked by the writers, directors, and a majority of the fandom. And as someone who was overlooked growing up (even now frankly, I mean my parents were doing steak dinners for our birthdays now since we’re all adults, and they did for both my brother’s previous birthdays and my birthday we did burgers and hotdogs with the whole family which was fine, but also still left me out. Anyway), because they hid what they were feeling and going through and hid it well, it’s so obvious to me when someone else is hurting and it just bothers me so much to see it ignored in the fandom. Claiming to be a Dean Stan and hating Sam is outrageous to me because Sam is someone Dean loves so much. How you can hate someone he loves just confuses me.

I see so much of myself in Sam, a tired, burnt out gifted kid who gave everything his all until it was taken away. Who had his hopes and dreams and interests shunned and criticized by the people who were supposed to encourage him, and when he finally got out of that situation, he got dragged back in. (I know it’s more complicated, but I’m focusing on specific aspects.)

Now you don’t have to like Sam, or even some or most of his choices, but to hate Sam in Dean’s name is wrong. Dean loved Sam more than anyone else (yes this includes Cas, it may have been different, but he still loved Sam more.)

Dean himself said it best, “that’s my job right. Look out for my pain in the ass little brother.” And “I had to look out for you. Thats my job.” And “that’s my job right. Show my little brother the ropes.”

No one loves Sam more than Dean, and the fact that someone could love Dean and hate Sam just doesn’t compute in my brain. And again I know that’s not usually what’s going through these creators’ minds, but it still irks me 😂

[post defending/appreciating dean]

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Sato Ryuga in Kamen Rider Geats - an overview for non-toku folks

Now that Living with Him (Kare no Iru Seikatsu) has premiered has a couple of episodes out and is getting a good response from a lot of the folks I know on here, I thought it might be a good time to do one of those posts I do sometimes. I should probably have a name for this. Like, a tokusatsu actor overview post? My imagined audience for posts like this is made up of BL fans who haven't watched toku but would like to know more about their favorite actors' pasts in that genre. But I hope they're interesting for others as well.

The tokusatsu-to-BL pipeline has been getting shorter lately, with a lot of recent toku alums getting into BLs within the first year or so after their toku series has ended. Sato Ryuga falls into this category. He was on Kamen Rider Geats, which stopped airing last August. His costar Kan Hideyoshi, who played the lead rider in that series (Ukiyo Ace, a.k.a. Kamen Rider Geats), made the leap so quickly that the BL he was in, Although I Love You, and You? a.k.a. Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka, finished airing a while ago. That show had its moments but was a bit on the lackluster side (through no fault of Kan's--I thought he was charming, funny, and showed an admirable commitment to the role). I'm a lot more hopeful about Living with Him. In addition to its promising start, it was written by the screenwriter of Old Fashion Cupcake and directed by the director of My Personal Weatherman.

But even if it weren't for these positive indicators, I would have been excited to see Sato in a BL, or just about anything. He was really impressive in Geats. He showed a lot of range on that series, handling action, high drama, and occasional comedy really well. And it doesn't hurt that he's cute as hell.

By the way, I'm going to keep the spoilers vague in this post, but I can't really avoid them entirely while doing this type of overview. If relatively mild/general spoilers don't bother you, you should be OK to continue. And of course, if you don't think you'll ever watch Geats, you don't have to worry either way.

Sato and Kan together during Keiwa's villain era.

Sato's Geats character was named Sakurai Keiwa. Keiwa starts out as a sort of proxy for the audience. The premise of Geats involves a high-stakes competition called the Desire Grand Prix where the winner gets to magically change the world. Most of the time, most people don't know this competition is going on. It's already in progress when Keiwa encounters the players for the first time and he has zero context. As he learns about the game, and ends up joining in as Kamen Rider Tycoon (a pun on the fact that his suit form is modeled after a tanuki), the audience learns about it alongside him. Keiwa comes into the story as an idealistic sweetheart so it's easy to root for him right away. (This is less true of the other characters. Geats's biggest weakness, to my mind, is that it starts out conspicuously lacking in any sort of bonds between characters or truly relatable characters other than Keiwa. This gets a lot better by the latter part of the series, but I found it somewhat rough going to get to that point, and it took longer than it needed to.)

One interesting thing about Keiwa is that you can tell a lot about what's going on with him by his hair. You'll see what I mean. I didn't notice this until I was doing screenshots for this post and then it really stood out to me.

So, here's Keiwa as a naïve newcomer. Check out the cute mop.

It doesn't take long for him to get kind of intense when he's in a fight and about to henshin (transform into his armored suit form).

Speaking of which, for the first part of the series, his pre-transformation move involves a sort of determined fist gesture, which will be important later.

This is a later example of the henshin fist, but it gets the point across.

Intense henshin face notwithstanding, he's still Mr. Nice Guy for a lot of the series. He might get a bit of a hair part but he's basically a floppy-haired cinnamon roll.

And then something bad happens.

This thing is really hard on Keiwa, and he has a dark night of the soul. He gets estranged from the other lead characters.

The hair is already going a little haywire here.

He does some creepy shit.

Then he gets into an even darker place.

Keiwa switches up his henshin move. He starts snapping his fingers, which is part of Ace's signature move. Ace is a total badass who has won the Desire Grand Prix repeatedly. He's a perpetual contender, the guy everyone else is always gunning for because he's the most likely to come out on top. I mean, his name is Ace. Adopting the snapping part of his henshin move has significant symbolism. It's like Keiwa is saying he's the new badass in town. He also has a new, stronger suit form to go along with this change.

There's a difference in the way Keiwa does the snap that's worth noting. Ace's snap move starts as a fox head hand gesture (think the rock'n'roll devil horns gesture but with a pointed snout) because Geats takes the form of a kitsune when he goes into suit mode. Keiwa's snap starts with his hand upraised, fingers up, the back of his hand facing outward. It's reminiscent of an American-style beckoning motion (the "c'mere" finger thing and its multi-finger equivalent), which I gather is considered extremely rude in Japan. This calls back to the henshin move of a favorite toku character of mine, Sawatari Kazumin/Kamen Rider Grease, who Takeda Kouhei played on Kamen Rider Build. Sawatari just straight up does the rude beckoning motion before transforming. It's a very antagonistic, cocky thing to do.

As you can see, Keiwa's hair is really going haywire at this point.

Keiwa ends up facing off with Ace more and more, including in some scenes like the one below. It doesn't really come off this way to me when I'm watching the scenes, but when I look at these screenshots, these two look about as likely to smooch as they do to come to blows.

Keiwa's hair starts to get a little less poofy at this point but the cute mop hasn't returned. Instead, his hair is almost ready to go into bad guy mode!

Finally, Keiwa tips over into full-on villain territory. This is signaled by his hair getting a defined part. He also starts wearing an earring, just for extra bad boy hotness points.

(I’ve seen this earring thing happen in Japanese media quite a few times and it always seems funny to me, because an actor will have had a very visible hole in his earlobe for a whole series and then when he puts something in it we’re supposed to be all surprised Pikachu about it. It’s an interesting commentary on the cultural significance of earrings on dudes, I guess. Now I’m trying to think of nice boys in toku who get to wear earrings in their highly visible ear holes. Kaito from Zenkaiger is one, at least. I assume there are others?)

He keeps snapping/beckoning.

The beckoning thing is clearer here, and it has that flipping off the audience energy.

He adopts some pretty cold-blooded expressions.

In some scenes, like the one seen above, he seems to have subtle makeup on. I don't know if this is because villains are supposed to be hotter or because they're supposed to be more gender non-conforming. Or both? Well, it suits him.

As you would probably guess, Keiwa doesn't stay bad. The stuff that sent him off the deep end gets resolved and his relationships with other characters get repaired. He also gets his mop back (it's only intermittently messy) and loses the earring. He goes back to his original henshin move.

There you have it! Hopefully this gets across a good bit about Sato's Geats character and some of the shifts he goes through. Of course, I've left out plenty of stuff as well. Anyone who's really curious should definitely check out the series.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🎪 WIBTA for telling the truth about certain work-related skills I have?

There’s a LOT of backstory to this. I will be keeping it as concise as I can, but note that this is FAR from an exhaustive list of details.

I (20sNB) do a lot of theatre-related contract work in my hometown and surrounding areas. My background lies very much in the circus I grew up in (since I was 6, so it’s been a pretty considerable percentage of my life)—I do a lot of stilt walking, clowning, balance stuff, etc, and whenever I help train new people in power tool use/concession stand running/rigging/other stuff it pretty much always lets slip that the circus is in fact where I learned most if not all relevant skills that I use for that kind of job. Unsurprisingly, they often want to hear details about my pretty unique backstory.

However, my relationship with said circus has soured rather considerably over the past few years. I finally decided to fully cut ties a few months ago, and multiple people who have been in my life for a very long time had been encouraging me to do so for a number of years, so I was very supported when I did—but it still hurt a lot to actually do it when I had been there for basically my whole life. The vast majority of people there (coaches, riggers, fellow performers, etc) are people I was very close with and care for deeply—my issues with the organization lie very specifically with a few particular people who are unfortunately the ones on top. I no longer feel particularly welcome to go back there, and in all likelihood won’t be seeing most of them again. I’ve been trying to make my peace with this.

(For a little context surrounding my departure—this circus’ artistic director has had a HUGE favoritism problem for as long as I can remember. I was never a favorite. The executive director liked me quite a lot for my work ethic, and actually hired me on as staff on top of being a performer when I was 16, which is where I learned a lot of what I know about things like concessions and running crew and the like—but he was never the one making decisions about shows, and I was often belittled or downright dismissed by those who were. The incident that had most of my loved ones encouraging me to walk away happened earlier that year, when a rigging accident left me with a permanent injury that still often visibly debilitates me to this day—something else the people wanting to learn about my circus background will sometimes ask about. But I didn’t want to leave, because there was really nowhere else I could get the community + training and performing experience I was getting there, and I know full well that it was purely an accident. However, I was never satisfied with the way the organization handled the incident, and this was far from the only time I’d been dismissed as a person there—several adults in my life even compared my treatment there to an abusive relationship, and though I did not see it at the time, hindsight has me beginning to agree with them. The specific incident that finally got me to leave was probably less of a big deal than that injury was, but other factors since then had me considering leaving for quite a while before that finally happened anyways.)

I don’t really think I’m TA for leaving, even if I did do it rather abruptly and had a ton of responsibilities there that surely got dumped onto somebody else—if these new directors couldn’t even be bothered to actually ask me to reconsider, instead of just having someone from admin do it on their behalf, they probably didn’t feel all that betrayed anyways. Here’s where I’ve been running into a lot of issues lately: even though I no longer affiliate with said circus, the people who I now work with in other organizations often ask me about my involvement with it, usually because they’re interested in becoming involved themselves. I’m finding that over the months since I decided to fully sever ties there I have not been feeling any better/less raw about it at all. On the one hand, I am very tempted (and would probably find it rather cathartic at that) to warn them away from spending their time with that place specifically, for the stated reasons. On the other hand, I spent the vast majority of my life so far growing up there, there are several people still there for whom I care very deeply, and I do think it’s overall a good organization that serves (most of) the people it reaches super well—I would definitely not be the person I am today without it, and I just can’t bring myself to badmouth the entire organization for the actions of a few specific people when I know they’re always hurting for staff and the like. Unfortunately, it’s pretty much impossible to talk about my involvement with them without bringing up the circumstances of my departure, especially when people frequently ask why I would leave a place I otherwise speak so fondly of.

At this point, I think it would be much easier for me (and cause a lot less heartache overall) if I just made up some different kind of backstory of how I learned all my circus skills—but on the other hand, that’s super dishonest and I don’t know how long I’d be able to keep up a lie with any complexity to it. Is it the less assholeish move to simply tell the truth? I’m really struggling to think of any alternatives to just super awkwardly changing topics as soon as anyone compliments or asks about what I do, which probably doesn’t reflect well on me in the long run when I’m trying to rebuild my network from the ground up.

What are these acronyms?

[glitteringsunshine]

Kissing Gibbs

Pairing : Leroy Jethro Gibbs  x Reader

Gibbs’s POV:

“ Gibbs this is  Ms Y/L/N from the state department,  she will be liasoning with us on this case” The Director said

“ Really , now she is gonna follow us on our heels” . I said.

“ Maybe it will be the other way round, you can follow me on my heels like a loyal St Barnard.” Y/N chuckled.

“ Both of you please Cooperate “ The Director sighed. “ It’s worse having one stubborn fellow here, and now with you joining , phew. Please make it work guys. “

“ Don’t worry  Director,  I have my ways . Diplomacy is my forte “ she chuckled.

“ And you think I don’t have my ways” I chuckled rolling my eyes.

 

 

 

…

 

“ I don’t care about diplomatic immunity, we need to  search   the Embassy.”

“ And I am telling you , you cannot. Things are already volatile with enough. Don’t go and mess up things.” She said, trying to maintain her composure.

“ We need to identify and talk to this guy. We need to confirm that he sold the  equipment  to our suspect” Jethro said. “ I don’t really give a damn if your diplomatic relations  suffer. Handle it. “

“ I told you we cannot search the embassy. I never said  we can’t  identify and talk to this guy.”

“ How?” I asked.

She handed me an invitation to a ball in the embassy. “ What do you think of being my date?”she chuckled.

“ So we go undercover?” I asked

“The state department has an asset there. He knows the codes to the safe where they keep a record book. That’s  gonna give you more leverage to Crack the suspect. I told you I have my ways.”she smirked.

 

“ Hey McGee let’s make a lovely cover story for my lovely date” she said moving towards his screen and accidentally  spilling  his coffee on me.

“ Ahh Geez”

“ I am sorry.Gibbs”

“ Don’t bother  with an apology”

 

 

 

Reader’s  POV:

I took a cup of coffee to give him . I walked in on him changing his shirt.

Wow that’s  a hot bod.

“ Like what you see Ms Y/L/N” he smirked.

“ I , I got you coffee, I said breaking out of reverie” , blushing but still unable to take my eyes off him. “ Figured it’s easier to work with a calm Gibbs than a bratty one.”

“ I think Ms Y/L/N , you are the brat here”

“ A brat you would like to tame” I challenged

“ ohh you have no idea Miss” .

“ Game on” I smirked.

 

…

 

“ Your camera ok” Gibbs said adjusting it on my brooch.

“ Yeah. Let’s get on with the ball” I said taking his hand.

“ Remember Boss , you two dance at the centre of the ballroom , so I can get everyone’s  faces on the camera for facial rec” Mcgee reminded.

“Got it boss, found our guy.”

“ Good job McGee. As soon as he gets out of the ballroom , Tony can have  a chat .” Gibbs said.

“ On it boss Tony said, adjusting his waiter’s bow tie.”

 

“ We need to sleep out of the ballroom now towards the safe” I said.

As we made our way to the safe we heard a couple of guards  and Jethro quickly dragged me inside a coat cabinet. There weren’t  much space and we had to grind against one another.

I could feel his hardness rubbing against me , making me wetter every second.

“ I don’t do closed spaces well” I said almost at the verge of a panic attack.

“McGee Tony can you hear us.” Gibbs asked without any answer confirming our suspicion that there’s  no signal inside the cabinet. We could hear the guards approaching wanting to take their coats for a smoke outside.

As panic gripped me , I could feel Gibbs’s  lips on mine , kissing me passionately and I responded with the same intense vigour.

The guards opened the cabinet door and saw us kissing.

“ What no privacy here” Gibbs said with an irritated tone.

The guards laughed ,taking their coats. “ Sneak out when you are done” They laughed closing the door to give us privacy.

“ Wow” I blurted.

“ It worked” Gibbs  said.

“ Huhh?” I said in a daze.

“ You were on the verge of a panic attack. The kiss sorta evened out the carbon dioxide  and the oxygen. Plus it was a perfect cover to explain our presence to the guards.”

“ Ohh” I said disappointed. I really thought that the kiss was real. It felt so real.

I gazed down at my shoes. Gibbs held my chin up.

“ But the real reason is I wanted to do that” he said with intensity. “ I think you could already feel what you do to me” he chuckled. But before he could say anything else , I crashed my lips on his.

 

 

…

When the coast was clear , we made our way to the safe. As Gibbs clicked pictures of the record book with the camera on his cufflinks, I took out some vital files containing Intel the department  would love to have. I clicked those pictures with the camera on my bracelet.

 

“ Two birds in stone” I said as I saw Gibbs cocking up his eyebrows.

" What if I don't allow you to do this. It's off the book thing right. What If I don't approve?" he chuckled.

" Then I can take you " I said.

" What to your bed?"

"I meant a fight " I blushed.

“ That’s a pity. Really wanted to check out your bedroom bookshelf, that you were talking about with McGee. “ he smirked.

We got what we required then locking the safe again we sneaked out.

 

….

 

After closing the case , we were in a bar to celebrate with the NCIS team.

“ Drinks on me” , Gibbs said. “Y/N thanks for your help. You did so good today.”

I saw that we were under the Mistletoe,  and on impulse for a moment ,I kissed him on his cheek.

“ Mistletoe” I chuckled, trying to hide my embarrassment.

Gibbs smirked asking us about our choice of drinks. Before going up towards the bar, he leaned in and gently kissed me back on my cheek.

“ Still under the Mistletoe” he laughed.

 

“ So how’s working with our boss?” Tony asked.

“ Ahh he’s not so bad. I liked working with him tbh. I mean the thrill of sneaking into an embassy doing spy stuff was really great.”

Getting kissed my him really made your day, my inner voice whispered.

What a great kisser he is.

“ What you don’t find him scary?” Mcgee asked shocked.

“ Never did.”

“Don’t believe you.” Tony said. “ Well prove it then. Kiss him, on the lips.”

“ What?”

“ I mean If you are not scared you give him a kiss.” Tony continued.

“ Ahh I think you want to kiss your boss. You are projecting that onto me” I said making McGee snigger.

“ Oh come on , wanna bet 50 bucks?”

“ And if I don’t?”

“ You will prove that he scares you.” Tony said.

“ Who scares you?”  Gibbs said, bringing  the drinks.

“ No one Boss?” Tony  and McGee said in unison making me chuckle.

Suddenly I felt Gibbs’s  lips on mine. He held me close , by the waist , another hand on my cheek as he shoved his tongue in me.

“ Mistletoe” he chuckled looking up after breaking the kiss.

“ Ohh and Tony you owe 50 bucks to Y/N” he smirked, smacking Tony on the head.

“Ouch , OK,  wait hang on boss . The bet was that Y/N should kiss you. You kissed her. So the bet is not won yet” Tony blabbered.

“ Well we are still under the Mistletoe aren’t we?” Gibbs smirked looking at me leaning a bit towards me.  I smiled leaning forward to claim his lips as mine.

[stardustizuku]

Part 1: The Politics of AoB

When I was first reading Ascendance of a Bookworm, I found something rather odd, and that’s: the politics of the light novels. More importantly, the way that a good 70% of the story was focused on the politics of noblemen, yet it very rarely bothered to engage with politics from “our world”. 

For the longest time, I chugged it off to me simply being unable to understand the japanese politics it was engaging with. And I still do believe that a large part of the political message being conveyed is something I can’t understand because I lack the cultural context of it. 

But as I read further, it became clear that there was a political context there that I could actually read in. Proven to me was simply at the end of Part 2, where it’s revealed that Fran is a victim of CSA, at the hands of the previous orphanage director. The way that CSA referring a man is handled - that’s to mean with respect - and how Arno is framed (as someone so diabolically evil for blaming Fran, not only for what happened to him but the orphanage’s director death, to the point of even warranting his death) is definitely a statement. One that not even I, someone so culturally removed from the situation, can overlook. Paired with the way Wilma is treated in regards to her trauma to men, as something she needs to overcome but not something to be pushed by others, led me to believe that: yes. 

Ascendance of a Bookworm is in fact, trying to speak about politics. In specific, gender-based politics. It’s trying to critique certain power structures, based on gender and perhaps even a critique to nobility. 

And, while I was able to identify the gender politics, the nobility critiques were a bit harder to parse through. At one point, I was just straight up lost. 

I could understand that Ascendance of a Bookworm was trying to say something to me, but I just couldn’t grasp what it was trying to say. 

Again, for a while I simply waved it away as me, being unable to properly understand the culture it was created from. Maybe there’s parallels to the government I can’t pinpoint, maybe the experience of a woman in Japan is too fundamentally different from that of a Mexican woman, that I had no hope of ever fully understanding what it was trying to say. 

That, however, changed when Part 4 started, because it took me that long to identify just how much of an unreliable narrator Rozemyne truly was. Sure, I knew she had a different set of values from nobles, but until the Royal Academy (and the side characters in the Academy’s POV) it was difficult to identify just how off her values and upbringing differed from other nobles. Not only that, it took me that long to stop seeing Rozemyne as just “someone from our world who doesn’t fit in the isekai new order”, but as someone from our world, who even by our standards is pretty wild and unconventional. 

And, can you really blame me?

Yugersmitch works are so fundamentally different from our world, that things we may consider morally bad, aren’t framed by the REST of the characters as such. The only true moral judgment ought to be Myne. In any other Isekai, her job would be to tie us to the moral understanding of our world, while trying to compare and contrast. “These backward people aren’t doing things how they should be doing them, so I will teach them how to do it correctly”. 

(There’s definitely an imperialist undertone to it, but that’s a topic for another day).

BUT AoB approaches it differently, precisely because Myne's internal understanding is off.

I haven’t been the first one to point out there’s a high likelihood of Rozemyne straight up being neurodivergent, and I think the faster you come to terms that she works on entirely different logic, the faster you can understand the themes implanted in AoB, and Rozemyne as a character. 

I do not struggle to understand her actions, her tendency to interpret things as  literally as it can be and ignore things that aren’t important to her - can absolutely lead even people from our world to find her annoying, hard to understand or even illogical at point. She’s an extremely unreliable narrator, not only because she has no Noble Context to guide her, but because even her definition of hard work, love for books and strong values are just something that can be alianting. 

For one, hard work to her has the connotations of a Japanese work culture, yes. That means, you have to work a lot, constantly trying to improve yourself, for the betterment of others. But those aren’t her only attributes that make her a great leader. She knows about task delegation and focusing yourself to the areas you are better at - things that anyone from our world would see as highly valuable, yet she sees them almost trivially. Doesn’t seem to understand just how valuable they are, and by extension, her ability to use them seems to go unnoticed. 

Her hyperfocus on books, permits her to have a clear and focused goal, but at the same time it’s not exactly considered “normal” even by our standards. Many have pointed out that her obsession with books can be off putting or unrealistic, just to have neurodivergent kids say that it’s an accurate portrayal of their experience. Including the idea that these types of people gravitate to one another, even if the light novels refer more to it as “highly skilled people attract equally as skilled people”.

So this creates a situation where Myne’s internal logic sometimes doesn’t align with the reader’s, and Myne’s own internal logic does not align with commoners, commoner’s logic does not align to those of the Nobles in Ehrenfest, and those Nobles (namely, Sylvester and Ferdinand)’s logic does not align with the rest rest of the Nobles in Yurgenschmidt. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 & Part 4 respectively. 

By the end of it, we have this confusing swirling mess that is highly difficult to put into words just what part of it is the “correct” answer, the “correct” solution, who is evil, who’s an ally, or even who is worth redemption or not. 

This ends up with very little room for a sound moral basis, and as a consequence, very little way to compare and contrast the correct and the incorrect way of running things. And that’s the thing. There’s no good or bad sides, there’s no good or bad characters. Rozemyne herself says as much in Part 3 Volume 5. 

“To complicate matters further, not everything those nobles had said was untrue. It was fair to say I was the reason Veronica had broken the law, since the specific intention had been to sell me to Count Bindewald, and an argument certainly would have been made that Ferdinand was pulling the strings from the shadows, since he had long been working to remove the High Bishop. From Bezenwanst’s perspective, he had set out to commit one simple crie, only to have Ferdinand dump a huge list of violations onto him - violations so small that even Bezewanst himself had forgotten about them. It would be harder to think Ferdinand hadn’t lured him into a trap”.

That’s by design, Ascendance of a Bookworm, at the start, is more interested in the hows and the whys of the past policies in this fictional world - just lightly trying to adapt them so that they don’t completely crumble, rather than a strict 1:1 translation. It’s more of a case study on how certain systems would behave and taking as seriously as it can the Royal and Nobility drama. 

Take Hasse for example. 

While from our moral standing selling children is wrong, and kicking a temple isn’t grounds for executing an entire town, neither the nobles nor even commoners of the duchy see anything wrong with it. This is our first true and brutal introduction to the politics of this world. The cultural shock Myne receives rings as true as our own. Where human life is not as inherently valuable or equal to another. 

And if we want to save the town, we have to play the mind games nobility has established.

Again, rather than forcing her own ideas of right and wrong, Rozemyne is quite literally forced to adapt to these new values. If she wants to survive, and if she wants to help others, she has to play the game. 

Although Myne herself never surrenders most of her values, she does adapt her reasoning for them to better integrate them into society. No longer does “you can’t kill people” become her argument but a “we can have a better punishment that serves us”

That’s how, instead of saving an entire town, Rozemyne has to work a plan to save as many people as she can, while navigating the politics of nobility.

For the longest time, I thought that was just it. How do you navigate these situations? Like an interesting puzzle to solve, with as much creative thinking and outside the box logic. Genuinely, I thought this was the “Politics” part of AoB. I never thought it was trying to convey a particularly interesting message other critique other than "politics are complicated"

Until. 

Part 5 happened. 

Something interesting happened in Part 5, and that is that Ferdinands is gone. While it’s a honestly traumatic thing for Rozemyne, narratively wise it marks a point of no return. Ferdinand acted as her guide in Nobility, as well as a sturdy shield - both to contain her from others, and others from her. 

Without Ferdinand there to, basically, put her on a right-path track, she was forced to build her own path. 

And this, THIS, is where Ascendance of a Bookworm truly starts.

MASTERLIST >> NEXT

[shiranui7]

I've finished season 3 of Yugioh gx and damn, the directors must have thought:"These characters aren't traumatized enough, let the apocalypse begin!"😅

The zombie part was the best one in my opinion, I would have reduced the second half since it was redundant. However, some things are still bothering me:

Everyone knows the biobands are sucking away their energy so why no one tries to get rid of them?

Pharaoh didn't eat for an entire week but he's still plump and very energetic.

Teachers didn't have biobands so they could have summon every monster they wanted for free but no one did it.

Zombies just wanted to duel so why did no one just knock them off? They could have had Crowler summon Ancient Gear Golem to catch them all and lock them inside a room. I guess it's always because Crowler isn't allowed to do shit in this show.

Evil Sartorius actually showed the desert to Jaden, so his prediction wasn't wrong as Jaden said. Lol

I guess they decided that Bastion is no more part of the main team.

Jim carries an adult crocodile on his back and then he also get the blankets back to the academy. This dude is a monster🤣

Jesse gave Blair medications without even knowing how much to give and which way to administer them....he probably made her drink an e.v solution.

Yubel shouldn't have had a happy ending after all the suffering she caused.

Everyone fucking dies in this series but it's a children show so they avoid saying "dead"....like that changes anything.

Why did Crowler got carried along in the second travel, since he didn't have a deck and couldn't do anything? Did they drag him there just to make him see his students die one after the other?

Nobody seems to know the basis of how to handle a heart attack...WHY DID THEY MAKE HIM SIT?! HE SHOULD LAY DOWN!!

Looking at his heart movements, Zane probably had some kind of arrhythmia that he never took care of and degenerated. Having said that, it's still an uncertain diagnosis since it's a cartoon. It was still horrible to see him die like that.

Jim and Axel deserved better.

A random guy gouged out Jim's eye while he was unconscious to give him the special one without his consent.....that's fucked up.

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 02

I’m honestly not sure if I knew beforehand about the penguin.  This is one of those “wacky” anime tropes where it’s like “Uh-oh, we have a kooky thing in our show!  Wokka wokka!” and I’m pretty sure it’s in so many different titles that I probably heard about the penguin and got it mixed up with some other show’s wacky animal.  Anyway, let the record show that there is a penguin in this anime.

So last time Shinji Ikari got voluntipulated to pilot Eva Unit 01 in battle against an “angel”, a powerful monster that occasionally shows up in this world.  All we really know so far is that the angels are hostile and only the Eva machines can stop them, if they have a compatible pilot to operate them.  I guess the NERV Agency built the Eva machines, and recruited Rei Ayanami to pilot one of them, but she’s been hospitalized, so the NERV director, Gendo Ikari, has brought in his son, Shinji, to pilot another Eva unit in her place.

And he reluctantly agrees, despite having no training or prior experience.  Hell, it’s not even clear he had any idea what he was getting into today.  Anyway, he seems to have a gift for controlling his Eva, but the angel still overpowers him and starts kicking his ass.  One of its powers is some sort of energy piledriver thing it uses to batter the head of Eva-01. Shinji can feel the damage, even though his own body isn’t physically harmed.

In the NERV command center, everyone’s freaking out because this clearly isn’t working, but there’s nothing they can do about it.  Well, everyone except Shinji’s dad, Gendo.  He doesn’t seem to care much one way or the other.

Then we flash forward to after the battle, when Shinji wakes up in bed.  The middle of the episode just moves on, and for a while it’s unclear what the hell happened. 

A bunch of big shots have a meeting in a darkened room, talking in circles about how expensive it is to fight the angels and all the projects they want Gendo Ikari to work on.  I feel like I’ve seen this a hundred times.  Pop Team Epic spoofed a scene like this, and this whole show reminds me of the not-funny parts of the Excel Saga manga.  All these vague references to things the audience couldn’t possibly know about, and flashbacks to lines delivered earlier in the same episode.  I don’t know if Evangelion was the inspiration for a lot of this stuff, or if it was just using tropes that were already familiar in 1995.  Certainly the giant robots vs. giant monster thing is nothing new. 

Anyway, nothing really gets settled in this scene.  The authorities want Dr. Ikari to handle this crisis, and from what I can tell he already is. He’s a callous prick about it, but none of these guys seem to care about his attitude. They briefly ask why it’s so hard to find compatible pilots for these Eva Units, but we never get a clear answer. And Gendo has no reaction to their posturing, so this scene really doesn’t advance his character at all, unless the point is to show that he’s just as indifferent towards his superiors as he is to his subordinates.

At some point Shinji is released from the hospital, and Misato sets him up to live in this city.  He wasn’t injured from the battle, but he was shaken up pretty badly.  On their way, they briefly run into Gendo, who just stares at Shinji, who looks away in frustration until the elevator door closes.  Soon enough, Misato learns that Shinji won’t be living with Gendo while he’s here.  That doesn’t seem to bother either of the Ikaris. 

So Misato arranges to have Shinji live with her, since she doesn’t like the idea of him being in a place by himself.  She tells Ritsuko about this, and jokes that she isn’t planning to seduce the kid, and Ritsuko is upset at the very thought of it.  

Misato was only kidding, but yeah, that’s kind of a messed up thing to kid about.  It’s not even a case of the joke aging poorly, because Ritsuko takes offense in the very next line of dialogue.

On the way to her place, Misato finally explains to Shinji what this place is: Tokyo-3, a fortified city designed to repel Angel attacks.  I think I can make an educated guess about what happened to Tokyo and Tokyo-2. What I don’t understand is what good the city does.  It didn’t protect anything, and it was up to Shinji to defend it.  Maybe it’s just easier to clean up and repair than a regular city.

Anyway, they get to the apartment and there’s empty beer cans and trash everywhere.  Shinji is uncomfortable being here, he’s uncomfortable eating instant meals with Misato, and when he doesn’t immediately relax like she wants, she brow-beats him over it. 

I guess that’s the point of all this.  Misato’s the only person in this show so far who even tries to treat Shinji like a person, and she’s frustrated that he isn’t more like the kind of person she’d like him to be. 

I mean, the additional frustration of living with an adult woman must be stressful as well, and the penguin probably doesn’t help matters. 

Okay, so this is kind of a thing.  At night, Shinji lies in his bedroom listening to his mixtape or whatever, and it switches from track 25 to 26.  I was reading a Twitter thread that mentioned this, and how he only listens to those two tracks over and over, so I think that becomes important later.  Anyway.

At last, we finally flash back to the battle, and learn how Shinji survived.  Somehow, his Eva went berserk and began fighting back all on its own.  Or maybe Shinji was controlling it unconsciously or whatever.  The Angel is quickly overwhelmed, and it tries to self-destruct, but the Eva survives unharmed. 

The NERV crew mention something about the Eva’s “true form”, which I guess explains whatever this thing is that we see beneath it’s helmet.  Shinji gets a look at it through his viewscreen and they stare at each other for a while before he blacks out from terror.

Before turning in for the night Misato stops by to tell him what she feels she should have told him earlier: that he did a good thing by saving Tokyo-3 from the Angel. 

I don’t know, it didn’t quite hit me until now, but yeah, it’s kind of fucked up that no one bothers to thank him until well after the crisis has passed.  I mean, if Tokyo-3, the NERV Agency, and all the rest are so crucial to the future of humanity, then you’d think there’d be more gratitude towards Shinji.  I think part of the disconnect here is that the Angel problem is a lot bigger than this one attack, and the characters are too busy worrying about the big picture to appreciate a single act of heroism, no matter how important it might be. 

Anyway, that’s it for now.  Join us next time when... actually I have no idea.  I watch the next episode preview, but I couldn’t make much sense of it. I’ll find out soon enough.

[shannonsketches]

Can I just say I love how you can be somewhat critical about certain things about totk without completely and unnecessarily trashing it and even adding humor. I wish more people were like that.

Aw, thank you! I'm just trying to make sure folks feel safe to enjoy things here (as long as, yknow, the respect goes both ways).

I definitely used to be someone who would trash stuff unnecessarily, and I'll always credit a mutual (although I did forget their handle,,,I'm so sorry) I had at the time for just letting me go on a long rant about why something bothered me and went, "That sounds really personal, but that got nothing to do with this." And all at once I realized I'd been projecting my needs/wants/expectations onto other peoples work (commercial or otherwise), and holding strangers responsible for serving me, specifically! Which is an absurd thing to expect from anyone!!

And sometimes I still forget the world doesn't revolve around me, glorious me, and I have to go back and apologize and do my mental health homework to figure out why I reacted a certain way, and why I took something so personally. But it's been really helpful to try and do the homework first, or type that whole salty take up and delete it or draft and review it again in the morning, before you make a stranger (or a friend!) feel bad or unsafe with you for the crime of enjoying something you didn't (which I have done, many times, and feel very bad about).

Plus, I've learned that if you're someone who is always analyzing and critiquing things, those moments can be really good practice for (respectfully! privately! in your own space! not on that stranger's post! not in that poor dev's DMs!) considering what you might have done differently, assuming you had the same parameters and resources available. I find this is especially good practice if you plan on entering a creative field! I promise you get a lot more sympathetic with how things turn out when you force yourself to dream within a budget and a deadline.

(also being nice to professionals is good practice! Some of them are jerks, true, but 99% of devs artists designers directors etc are just doing their best under a ton of stress and pressure to make everyone happy, and they're usually really proud of what they're able to accomplish, and they are absolutely not getting paid enough to deal with the comment section)

Once you let go of that need to be Correct and have control over stuff that isn't about you, you end up having a lot more fun and a lot less limitations for playing in the sandbox, and with other creatives! Plus you learn about yourself, and what your priorities and tastes are. You become a better story teller and collaborator when you can not only find but actively look for the good in things you may have completely dismissed as a kneejerk reaction to not liking something about it.

And again, I'm definitely still an ass, a lot more often than I'd like to be. I still struggle with that need to be Correct and to have complete control over my sandbox. I still get defensive and have to navigate rejection sensitivity when someone's idea contradicts mine. I definitely understand the reactivity when something means a lot to us, and it takes practice to share when you're used to being protective! But it's so, so worth it.

You meet such amazing people and find such wonderful, supportive communities when you embrace two cake theory. I highly recommend making an effort to expand your perspective and be a part of that support.

Supportive Community Pro-Tips from a Fandom Old Guy:

You don't have to adopt a theory to enjoy or appreciate it!

If someone's takes upset you, just block them. It's okay.

Don't critique someone's work unless they ask for critique

Don't RB someone's work with negative/contradictory comments, just make your own post

DO freak out in the tags/comments/inbox if you like something

Obviously don't wish harm over ships/headcanons/etc, just block!

Remember someone else's work is not about you

Remember someone else's work is Not About You

Are they experiencing a thing? Are they sharing their experience with you? That's a gift! Treat it like one!

Elitism is a mind killer. Newer ≠ Lesser, Older ≠ Greater. We all have stuff to offer and we all have stuff to learn.

and if I may impart the most important thing I've ever learned in fandom:

BE NICE TO EACH OTHER, WE'RE ALL JUST MAKING STUFF UP!

Thank you for the lovely message and for letting me ramble I'm!! Sorry this got so long and preachy, haha

[sandragon]

to be the tranny token

I want to share an experience that I've had recently. Although I went to art school, I currently work in the medical field because it gave me the health insurance that I so desperately needed when I turned 26. I liked freelancing, but it didn't pay me a lot of money and I was jumping between three different jobs at a time, which left little energy to devote to the things that I actually cared about. I needed health insurance because I needed to pay for hormones and get the surgery that I've always wanted since I was 15 years old.

Working in the particular field that I'm in has been interesting. I like the people aspect of it, helping families, and learning about things so unfamiliar to me. But I'm the first transgender person that they've hired and they have no idea what to do with me.

I have been on HRT, particularly testosterone, for nearly two & a half years and had life saving top surgery in August of 2019. I never knew how much I needed to transition until I actually started doing it. Before I would never make connections and missed out on so many opportunities because I knew that they could never see me for who I am, and didn't want to ever try. I lied to myself and said that I could accept their judgement, even though deep down I knew that was a lie. Nowadays, I relish in my changing body, my flat chest, and the body hair that I was taught to be so afraid of. I limited my expression in the past because I was so afraid of being perceived of outside of the norm. Now because I am comfortable and confident, I have grown out my hair to the longest it's been since I was in high school, paint my nails whatever colors I'm feeling that day, and dress how I've always wanted, without limits. It's been incredibly freeing to finally get to this point and I will never look back. This freedom still comes with loaded perceptions and pain, still a kind of alienation but one very different than what I experienced before. Although I have changed my name, had all of these medical things done to me willingly, and assert myself as a man (just fruity), I'm still never regarded as who I say I am. In a space that touts inclusivity, my own colleagues cannot be bothered to use the correct pronouns, which makes for many clumsy situations that don't need to be there. It's as if they cannot wrap their head around my existence as a man who doesn't adhere to society's typical idea of masculinity and being very in love with a cisgender man who willingly claims me as his own. They handle me with kid gloves and disregard my appearance and words and still force me into the box of "woman." And honestly, it hurts. It's one thing when it comes from strangers, but it's another when it comes to people that I interact with on a daily basis. I decided to bring it up to my director today and see what I could do about this situation.

Now we're to have a meeting to discuss my experiences and see how we can discuss this with our staff. Although I'm glad that we're having this conversation, I hate that I have to have it in the first place. Although I may be "breaking norms" in their eyes, I really am just a man who cooks dinners, engages with things that he's passionate about, and falls asleep with his boyfriend and cat after watching YouTube videos at night. I live a fairly domestic life outside of a few things that others find interesting about my lifestyle (which I won't get into here) and I like it that way. I find my life to be regular, but to everyone else it's a constant point of fascination that I don't really understand. I hate that in every space that I'm in that I have to fight for my right to masculinity, that I have to pave the way, that I have to swallow every awful interaction that I have just so I don't get screamed at or have to coddle their cis feelings. I've had to be the token tranny for the past few years that educates the staff about how to respect me & people like me, even though I hate it. I'm handled as a confused woman who doesn't know what she's doing or a weird sense of unsureness that I don't see others having to go through. Although I am very patient and open about my experiences, I simply just want to not have to explain who the hell I am every time I leave my house. I just want to go to a coffee and enjoy an iced mocha while musing on paper. To be the token tranny is an experience of anger, hurt, and isolation, every day - once that I wish to be free from, but one that I'm not sure will go away as long as I'm alive.

[weezly14]

What are your thoughts of TCR, Weezly?! I’m curious what you think of the show so far. 😊

Hey there.

So, TCR. Where to begin.

(A question the show seems to struggle with as well.)

I have a hard time saying I like or dislike it. Mostly I’m frustrated by it. The pacing has been all over. I’ve stuck with it because I’m curious and because Tom Holland is giving such an amazing performance, but honestly? He’s the bright spot.

Let’s do bullet points:

Why was it framed as a mystery, the promo was ???

Episode 4 could’ve been ten minutes in another episode

We spent way too long on exposition.

Episode 5 was great. The final moments? Super effective. I think this was the most respectful portrayal of CSA I’ve ever seen on screen

Episode 6 should’ve been the pilot. Amanda has been super under utilized and the show doesn’t pick up until we start seeing through her and watch her out the pieces together

For the past few episodes I find the time flying and asking where the rest is when the credits start rolling

Again, Tom can Act.

As someone who’s struggled with mental health, I appreciate how carefully and respectfully they’ve handled the material and therapy sessions. Episode 7 was excellent

I think the show itself doesn’t quite know who its audience is or what its message is. My old playwriting teacher used to say, “plays don’t have footnotes.” I think if you need a press tour or an interview with the director/writer/actors to determine the message of the piece or to understand what it’s about, that’s bad writing. The show should stand on its own. It shouldn’t need an accompanying essay or footnotes to explain itself. The press tour should promote, not explain or be damage control. It shouldn’t be necessary to get the work as a whole.

“It’s about asking for help” - this is so frustrating because I know exactly where they’re getting that. It’s the scene in episode 7. But the takeaway there, as I see it, is not “ask for help,” it’s “realize/acknowledge that you have a problem and your brain is lying to you.” In order to ask for help you need to recognize that there’s a problem! And this show could’ve easily been marketed as “take responsibility for your actions,” something about how we don’t choose what happens to us but we can choose how we respond. Mental illness is not an excuse for bad behavior, it can be a contributing factor, and there’s been enough in the past two episodes in the theme of taking responsibility and healing and growing from what happened that - in another edit - that could’ve been the message of the show.

I’m absolutely going to keep watching, and I hope Tom gets an Emmy for this role because truly, he’s given an incredible performance. But the writing and editing have been disappointing and I’m so annoyed because there’s such potential for an incredible show here. Alas.

In summary: mixed feelings. I’m still watching, there are things I really like, and things have bothered me, and I’m not sure if it’s good or bad because I think that’s less important. Is it effective? That’s a better question, I think. And, honestly, I don’t think it is. It doesn’t know what it wants to be.

(Happy to discuss further.)

[tblsomedoodles]

Oh my gosh.

Before the Director culls himself, he tells Carolina that she’s the best thing he’s ever created.

Does Simmons not exist to him anymore or does he think Simmons is still dead? What if he knew Simmons was alive but didn’t bother to get him after the whole freelancer thing got destroyed?

Gasp! Did Tex mostly just throw him really hard during that fight in the backup building where they meet FILSE. Would FILSE know who Simmons was due to a face scan? (He still has half his original face)

Gosh if FILSE joined in on the Grif dunking just because she felt it in her circuits. (She’d still mock Simmons, I mean, it’s really easy too do so) (but some Buried code, from the director when he still cared enough, made a program that actives to be an obnoxious in-law to whoever thought they were good enough for his children)

I can’t stop my self from saying this, but I hate the director more than I sympathize with him. His xsswholery towards his kid(s) was just ugh! Too stubborn to help his own daughter when she was in clear pain!!! Ugh!!!!

Do you think he even mourned her when she was presumed dead? Like she was the only real family he had left!

You've got a lot of that right, sadly enough.

i'm actually going to put it under a break b/c this is getting a bit long and i've started adding screenshots for evidence lol

B/c the Director really does not acknowledge Simmons as his child anymore (i don't think he had for quite some time, maybe even before Freelancer.) not to mention, i'm pretty sure he played favorites, favoring Carolina even before loosing Alison.

i have some animatic screenshots that illustrate this. hold on while i fetch them lol.

ok, like in this family photo (taken right before Alison left on that last mission) the Director's focus is on Carolina while Alison's is mostly on Simon.

and here

when the house was burning down? he made sure Carolina got out but left Simon in the burning room to find his own way out. (i actually had another few panels i cut from this that showed him walking out but i didn't like the vibes they had) The dude played favorites pretty much from the moment they were born, and it was very clear who was his favorite.

Simon was too much like him for the Director to ever care for him. He was always the child that wasn't good enough. so when he disappeared from the MOI, the Director cared more about the fact he did so in the flashiest of explosions, than the fact he was actually gone.

Also, he does know that Simon is alive, and knows exactly where he is. (I don't think he realizes he stole Eta, but then again, he might not know of Eta's existence regardless.) I mean, the dude's the worst at making a disguise lol. no joke, his 'i'm not a freelancer' disguise was cutting off his ponytail and ditching his glasses and labcoat. That's it! And his name change? Dude when from "Simon Church" to "Richard Simmons". He all but kept hsi first name and tacked it on as his last! (the reason he chose Richard as his name is funny tho. I thought i wrote him talking to Grif about it at some point but i can't find it. It basically went like this "My dad always said he had wanted me to be named after him." "His name was Richard?" "No, but he was a Dick." lol)

But yeah, I actually think The Director rigged it so Simmons ended up in the simulation base, that way he knew where he was if needed but Simmons would still think he had gotten away from Freelancer. (I imagine the "this was a simulation base for Freelancer all along" revelation hits him a LOT harder for this au. dude would not handle that well at all.)

As for the Tex vs the Reds + tucker, yeah she doesn't hit Simmons quite as much as the rest of them. (which i didn't notice until i just rewatched that fight scene. Thanks for the excuse btw : ) ) Like, he does get hit with a couple shipping containers and a few mild explosions (and yeeted a few times) but she doesn't down right pumble him like the other three. Sure, there's several inseries reasons for this (he was keepign his distance for rocket launcher reasons being one) but for this? Tex would rather have him out of the picture than have to fight him. even if he wasn't the grownup kid of the woman she was based off of (complicated much?) he's still an ex-freelancer. He poses more of a threat than the other three combined, if he had wanted to. (PLUS! he has Eta in his implant by then, so he could, very well, run equipment if he wanted to. He doesn't b/c he doesn't want anyone to know about Eta, but it's still an option. Eta got woken up/moved to his implant about the end of season 6, i think. It was the only way Simmons could think of to protect them from the emp since simmons's own cybernetics are emp resistant. Eta's been a little voice in his head since then, which does not help the dude's anxiety, let me tell you.)

as for FILSS? i think she does recognize him but that's not why she jumps on the 'lets be mean to grif' train. i think she literally only does that b/c she sees tex doing it and goes, well if tex doesn't like this dude, then i guess i don't either.

and, yeah, there's definitely a reason why the Director is more hated than loved. even canonically, he barely even looked at Carolina, not even calling her by her name when he said goodbye for the last time.

I don't know if he morned her or just kept his focus on trying to get back Alison. He was a broken man pretty much since Alison died.

i have a different fic i wrote, that, at the end of his life, discribed him as this "He looks like a shell of what he used to be. Little more than the biproducts he created in the other room.[refering to the many tex bots]". And that's something i still hold true for that man (and also one of the favorite lines i've written to date lol). The fact that he could never let his wife go, destroyed so much more than just his own life. and it wasn't right.

ANYWAYS! that's it for my ranting lol.

Thank you!!

[ruvviks]

>> oc tragic horror trope quiz

was tagged by @strafethesesinners, @shellibisshe, @jillvalcntines, @aceghosts and @swordcoasts to take this test for my ocs, thank you so much!! tagging @reaperkiller, @steelport, @arklay, @aartyom, @cultistbase, @morvaris, @brujah, @aelyosos, @faarkas, @druidgroves, @devilbrakers, @dickytwister, @adelaidedrubman, @henbased, @florbelles and anyone else who wants to do this :D <3

– THE ONE WHO OPENED THE DOOR.

you turn the door handle. you call out, "who's there?" and the crowd has the audacity to groan, to get frustrated with you. as if the gift of hindsight was something you had. how the hell were you supposed to know you were born into a horror movie? no one bothered to tell you. say, if instead this was an action film, or a fantasy, would they still be telling you how silly of a mistake it was to press further on your quest? they would've commended you for your bravery. you thought you were going to be saving a princess in a tower, not getting stabbed in the back by a killer in the shadows. how is that fair? it isn't, and none of that was ever your fault. it is not wrong to believe things are good. your trust, your optimism, it shouldn't ever be mistaken for ignorance or stupidity. we need more people who open doors. how else are any of us gonna move forward?

director's commentary: i know i haven't talked all that much about aubrey yet but this result is killing me because in the story he's part of he is LITERALLY the one who opens the door :D aha :D it luckily doesn't kill him but there's something insane about how an accident turns into literally his worst nightmare and every time he asks himself "how could this have happened?" the answer is very simple. you opened the door babygirl

– THE GHOST.

it's an odd thing, to feel so far from grounded and yet trapped, tethered, unable to escape. there's more you have to do! so why can't you move? i'm sure you have an answer to that, at the very least in the back of your mind. people love to say that ghosts hold grudges or haunt for revenge but they always get it wrong; you're stuck because something or someone chained you down and left you there. you try and reach out to all those bright people who pass through your life, but it rarely feels like it does much more than knock a cup off the table, blow some papers into the air. i need you to trust me- they see it. they're listening. they'll keep looking for you and, eventually, they'll be able to see you too

director's commentary: cassidy was basically on autopilot for some years and his desperate attempts at connecting with people never worked out for him which is. exactly what this result describes and i'm not normal about it <3 for years he literally was just a ghost moving through life. i'm in hell

– FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER.

this plight is the simplest of them all: you did not ask for this. you were never given a choice. no part of yourself feels human, just a collection of traits you've picked up from mirroring anyone you could, even the people you meet through a television screen. it's alienating to live that way- yet someone has called you the alienating one. maybe too many people to count. maybe they treated you so uncomfortably inhuman that it's all you can understand now, or you've dug yourself into such a deep hole in an attempt to keep safe that you can't remember a person living in the home of your body at all. being alive is confusing and painful and lonely and loud but living is all there is to being human- you're already there. just take air into your lungs and breathe. close your eyes and picture a beautiful sky. you made that. you painted that yourself

director's commentary: yet another result that's already painful on its own but hits different when you keep the whole relic thing with johnny in mind aha xoxo the way the whole incident just alienated vincent from his own body is insane to me especially considering he's also trans. there's a lot going on there. much to think about