#the way she panic a bit before solving everything

[purplecelestial-buddy]

As much as I wish for it I don't think I could be able to handle a Harusono story with a mostly female cast

[deathbyathousandspiders]

death of a hero. ₂

mcu!peter parker x fem!stark!reader | boy in the bubble part two.

IN WHICH after getting attacked, you find out that your dad & peter have kept spider–man’s identity a secret.

author's note — highly recommend reading part one first!! this cured my writer's block !! part three coming soon!!! :)

WARNINGS (18+ MDNI) — hurt reader [physically/emotionally], swearing, mentions of blood, a flashback to homecoming, lots & lots & lots of angst.

read part one | part three here.

gif found here.

✨masterlist.✨

3.4k.

Never in your life did you think you’d be targeted and attacked, then be smiling by the end of the night. You couldn’t fight the small grin touching your lips, couldn’t stop the butterflies that numbed each wound still scarring your body. 

Somehow, despite it all, Peter’s words gave you something to hold onto, something to keep you going—something hopeful. It gave you something to rewrite the painful narrative that your attacker had spat at you just an hour earlier. 

“What a weak, pathetic excuse for a Stark.”

“You’ve seen the unthinkable, are still going, and you think you’re weak? Impossible.”

Once you finally got to the stairs to shower, you tried to swing your leg up, immediately met with a harsh reminder of how bad your bruises would be tomorrow. 

A wince parted your lips, sparking from the ache in your right hip and the direct strike it sent to the wound on your torso. 

Perhaps you needed Peter’s help after all. 

Taking a breath, you felt less hesitant than before to ask for help. It wasn’t like you had anything else to hide—you were tattered and torn up, topless and sticky with blood. 

Besides, you were used to walking with the weight of the wounds, at this point. You cut the distance to the kitchen in a matter of slow seconds. 

“Whoever attacked her tonight planned this.” Peter’s words made you pause just outside the entryway, hidden behind the wall just beyond. You blinked a bit, immediately feeling the weight of their conversation. “It wasn’t by chance, she was targeted–” 

“You don’t know that—” Even as he cut Peter off, your dad’s response was cut short. 

“And you don’t either!” Both of the boys in the kitchen held something urgent to their words; the same sense of urgency that laced the undertones between them all evening. 

Whatever conversation you were overhearing, you knew in your bones that they didn’t want you to hear it. 

Sucks for them. 

Peter continued: “The way she’s acting.. Something’s off about what happened.” Your blood froze to ice at the sentence. “And I think she deserves to know why I wasn’t there to defend her tonight.”

Thick silence swelled in the room, and you suddenly feared that your racing heartbeat would interrupt it. You had to remind yourself to breathe, and remind yourself to be quiet. 

As tempted as you were to step in and ask questions, you knew that whatever they were keeping from you was more likely to be discovered from where you were. 

Somehow, this was something they wanted to hide from you. The secret, whatever it was, made the air around you feel slimmer and heavy all at once. It sent your thoughts into a spiral, and an urge to question the two people closest to you. 

“Look, kid. I don’t blame you for what happened tonight.” Tony took words from you that you hadn’t even known how to phrase to Peter yet. It sent a twinge to your heart, draped your panic in sympathy for him. 

“I know.” You could tell Peter needed to hear the words, even if he didn’t know how to admit it. 

“As much as I agree with your conspiracy theories on Y/N’s attacker, I don’t know if coming clean about everything will solve this.” 

Something sunk in you, deflated your spirits. It hurt that they’d hid this from you—whatever it was—and had been lying for God knows how long. 

You could hear the jab in Peter’s own optimism when he spoke up again. “Then when do you plan to tell her?” At least, he was trying to come clean. 

“I don’t know..” Your dad was honest, and sullen about it. It only added to your confusion. 

Perhaps, they weren’t going to tell you ever. Maybe if you just revealed yourself and asked your own questions, you’d actually get somewhere. 

Peeling yourself off the wall and taking a few steps into frame, both Peter and your dad were completely oblivious to you. 

Despite how you stepped into view, they remained focused on the conversation, and your dad continued. “I’ll tell you what: you tell me how you’d suggest telling Y/N you’re Spider–Man, and I’ll consider it–”

The whole world stopped moving. 

“Peter’s what?”

You could’ve thrown up at the realization, at how cold and hollow the room suddenly became. The secret was out, and the quick and wide eyes that fell to you told you just how vital this secret was. 

Peter was Spider–Man. 

Even as you stared at him, eyes as wide as his, you couldn’t shake it. Your best friend was Spider–Man, working alongside your father and found family. 

The two of you held eye contact, trying to read the other. You could read the remorse and apology and panic swelling in his wide–eyed stare, but you hoped that some of the anger building in your own was silently translated regardless. 

Your dad tried to clear his throat, tried to slice through the rousing tension between the two of you, but you didn’t break from it in the slightest. 

“Dinner’s ready.” Tony tried to make a joke. To joke at a time like this, as if he wasn’t an accomplice. As if he wasn’t keeping this from you, arguably more than Peter had been. 

It was the last straw you’d been offering, swiped from your hands and dissipating with your patience. 

You scoffed, tears finally finding your eyes. The heat of them was boiled by rage, and you didn’t have the decency to hide it. “Fuck off.” 

The room was too hard to stand in. You walked away, reminded of why you were even standing in the kitchen in the first place. 

Pain itched its way up your priority list, but you didn’t care; finding a way up the stairs was the least of your worries. You were more concerned with how quickly you could get away. 

Especially as you could hear Peter calling after you, following the path you were carving between you. 

“Y/N!” He spoke your name like a plea, like it would somehow apologize for all the dirt you’d uncovered. The sound of his voice, however, only seemed to drive you further from him. 

It split your heart into more pieces than you knew how to count. 

You already battled the insecurity of being weak. A weak, pathetic excuse for a Stark. With all the time you spent in the compound, with your friends and family, you were one of the only powerless people among them. This whole time, you thought Peter understood. 

You thought the insecurity was shared, reciprocated. 

Clearly, you were wrong and an idiot. You were the only one powerless among them. 

It made you feel so stupid; to see all the inside jokes tossed over your head, to see every stupid excuse he made thrown back in your face, and he had the audacity to be sorry?

Damn right, he should be. 

Peter’s touch felt like sandpaper to your skin as he reached for your hand. You yanked it out, not bothering to turn around. 

You tried to be strong and suck up the pain, wanted more than anything to run up the stairs and lock yourself in your room—two quick steps up the stairwell and the adrenaline wore off. You slowed your pace, fighting off the wincing, and wanting anything but to ask for help from Spider–Man. 

“Y/N, please.” His voice broke, and you felt sinister to think him deserving of it. “Please, I– I wanted to tell you, I promise–“

He must’ve been surprised when you turned around, at the speed you pivoted, at how intense your expression came across, because he startled. 

Your eyes held no response to the hot tears flooding from them, only holding space for the anger and hurt you didn’t have the energy to hide from him. 

“Promise?” The word came out whispered, threatening to break just as his words did. “You promise, just like how we promised to tell each other everything?” You saw each stab of each word and exactly where it hit on him, especially as your voice grew in volume. “Just like how you promised I wasn’t weak, when clearly, you know damn well how ironic that is!”

Twin tears slid down the length of his face, and you caught the subtle tremble in his bottom lip that he tried so hard to hide. “Please..” Now he was the one whispering, and you wish it sounded as satisfying as you wanted it to. 

“Don’t fucking sit there and act like you’re the hero here, Peter..” You couldn’t help the growl, couldn’t help the distaste inking down your body. Sure, you’d been hit with a knife just an hour prior in the evening, but you didn’t feel stabbed in the gut until now. “Don’t act like you understand shit about how I’m feeling right now!”

From just beyond, Tony started walking over, stepping quickly. “Hang on, Kid.” He cut in, stopping just a few paces behind Peter. “Don’t blame Peter for this.” His words practically turned up the heat on your burning rage. It was an effort to keep from boiling over. “I was the one who told him to keep quiet.”

The shakiest breath you’d taken all night forced its way down your throat. You finally pulled your eyes from Peter, watching your own father flinch at just how hurt you were. “No, you were the one who decided to be selfish!”

The room had never been so quiet, even the walls and the city beyond hushed to listen. 

“I don’t care who you thought you were saving here, but it wasn’t me.” Perhaps rage wasn’t the word you should use to describe the venom dripping off your words. You were seething, a mixture of betrayal and downright distraught. 

“I am not useless.” You felt the need to emphasize; to you, or the two faulty in front of you, no one could tell. “I may be the only powerless person in the fuck ass Avengers, but at least I’m fucking honest.”

When you met Peter’s eyes again, you almost couldn’t keep your composure. Maybe he was breaking apart just as quickly as you were, but you didn’t put in effort to hold room for an apology for him. You didn’t see the need to give one at all. 

“I’m sorry..” He couldn’t bring his voice above a whisper, above the tremble shaking each breath he took. And watching the way your father’s posture craned in sympathy to it finally gave you a cue to leave. You couldn’t take it anymore. 

You glanced between both of them, still ignoring the consistent stream of tears dripping off your nose and chin. “You both fucking should be.”

Holding your head high, you made your way up the stairs, pausing three steps up your trek when you heard a singular step in your direction. 

“Don’t fucking follow me.”

And you didn’t look back. 

The second you shut and locked your bedroom door, unshakable sobs spilled from your throat and choked you dry. You had never felt so isolated, so alone, and so pained. 

Truly, you did not know how it would get better from here, and all you wanted was to be held. 

You didn’t even know who you'd talk to about this. This betrayal stretched across every person you trusted, further than your eyesight. 

It was stupid, and you blamed yourself, but all you wanted to do was talk to Peter. 

Maybe not about it or to confront it right then, but you suddenly missed him and his support. You felt like that had been stripped away from you. 

You weren't sure how to trust him anymore, let alone anyone else who hid this from you.

It didn’t help that you replayed countless upon countless interactions—with your father, with Ned, and with Peter Parker Spider–Man himself. 

It reminded you of the last time you were mad at Peter, three years prior. 

At the Washington Monument. 

You remember him flaking on the academic decathlon, and flaking the night before. You were upset because he was obviously hiding something and he wouldn’t tell you what. 

“You promised we’d hang out tonight.” You remember calling after him, walking half the length of the hotel hallway after him, too. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all week!”

Peter was a pro at walking backwards, then and now, and as you always knew him to be. Even as you knew him as a klutz, even as it led him to keep walking away from you. “I’ll be back soon. I promise!”

It felt unfair to him to get frustrated with him, but you were. You were upset. “What? So your promises mean nothing?” 

That got him to stop. 

“What? No!” Defense, immediately. His eyes displayed more apology than his lips did, taking steps towards you. “I just.. I have to go, and I can explain it later–”

Your head shook at him. Whatever sparked you to feel upset had been growing for a while. It had been growing since he started ditching you a few months prior. “That’s what you said last time.” There was hurt in your voice, and you know he heard it. 

“But I–”

“We promised to tell each other everything.” You recalled your childhood together, your friendship before you started growing up. The two of you had known each other since elementary school, so changes like this was inevitable. It wasn't fair to hold him to the same standards you used to. “But if you want to go, don’t expect me to be buddy-buddy when you get back.”

You remember how it felt to walk away, but you remembered how it felt to hear him leave even more. That was harmful. 

He was entitled to grow up, just as you were, but the shifty way he started growing distant from you got you overthinking. 

It got you nervous that maybe he was seeing someone, and that hurt more than anything else. Especially that he was hiding it from you. 

What sucked the most was that Peter wasn’t back soon, or even that night. 

In fact, he wasn’t even at the academic decathlon. 

Part of you was relieved to get space from him, seeing how difficult all these feelings were to process; another part worried about him, but every time your anxiety would fester, something would serve a reminder of why you were upset in the first place. 

You won the decathlon without him. As you should.

After that, your team went to the Washington Monument, and Ned swore that Peter would meet you all there. 

“Look!” Ned tried to convince you, tried to break your unamused expression. “His location says he’s almost here.” And the phone screen he flashed at you proved honesty. Peter was minutes away. 

Before you could muster a response, Ned’s screen changed, and Peter was calling him. 

There was an awkward exchange of glances between the two of you before Ned answered the call and you walked through the metal detectors. 

“Peter, are you okay?” You couldn’t help but eavesdrop. You missed a phrase or two while security patted down your blazer. All you caught was Ned muttering a subtle “I covered for you,” and then Liz Allen taking the phone from his hands. 

Something hollow carved into your stomach at the sight, and you began to speculate whether Liz was the girl he was sneaking off with or not. 

You didn’t wait to find out. You walked right into the elevator, joining the rest of your decathlon group. 

You didn’t remember much about the trip up the elevator, all you remember was light emitting out of Ned’s backpack and something radioactive blasting right into the roof of the cart. 

Suddenly, with trembling limbs and a newfound panic, your squabble with Peter Parker seemed more than minuscule. Regret was quick to fill that hollowing pit in your gut. 

You’d blacked out a lot of those scarce moments in the elevator. But you remembered when it was safe enough to move, the security guard began to open the hatch at the top of the elevator cart, and one by one help your classmates out. 

It wasn’t until there were four of you left in the elevator that it finally fell down the shaft towards your demise. There, in that Monument, you would die with Ned, Liz, and your teacher, Mister Harrington, you were sure of it. 

You’d never forget the relief you’d felt at the sight of red and blue rushing toward you, plummeting quicker than you were, and webbing your way to safety. 

It felt odd to look back on, knowing now that it was Peter who pulled that elevator up to your safety. How you were only concerned then with apologizing to Peter Parker, who glanced at you there from beneath that mask, completely unbeknownst to you. 

Once he’d gotten you up to the top of the Monument, Ned was the first to leap out to safety, then Mister Harrington. The two of them helped Liz get out, and to your luck, just as you took a step forward, the webs above you snapped. 

You and Spider–Man fell with a blood curdling scream breaking through you. 

“NO!!” He called after you, and quickly shot a web up to the roof again. His other arm reached out toward you, webbing your wrist rather quickly, keeping you from falling any further. 

“It’s okay. You’re okay– I got you. You're okay..” He told you, his tone as gentle and soft as you knew it to be; yet, not a single thought crossed your mind that it was Peter Parker. 

You shakily dangled beneath him as he tugged you up from that web. You fought to look up at him, to keep yourself from looking down; you fought to keep the tears at bay as the shock flooded from your system. 

The second your hands touched, he pulled you up and into him. You wasted no time before wrapping your arms around him, hugging him for dear life. And it made sense, now, why he felt so familiar—why his warmth was so comforting, and why his arm around your waist felt like it belonged there. 

He held you securely, lulling those reassurances to you, pulling the two of you up to safety at the top of that Monument. 

Just before he set you down, you held him tighter. “Pe–Peter!” You gasped, and felt every muscle beneath your hold tense. 

Now, you knew why. 

You pulled back from his arms, “Peter Parker, my– my best friend! He was on his way over here.” Your voice shook as you explained, but watching him carefully set you on the ground helped to steady yourself a little. “Can you make sure– Could you make sure that he’s okay?”

Looking back, the reason why Spider–Man gaped at you so long must’ve been Peter contemplating whether or not to tell you who he was right then and there. He stared at you, beneath that mask, for what felt like minutes. 

He gave a singular, upside down, nod. “I can do that, ma’am.” And his thick, Bronx, accent threw you off more than you wanted to admit. 

Then he fell down the empty shaft of the elevator. 

You’d never forget the moment he found you after that. 

You had just gotten out of the Monument. With a shaky hand, you went through your phone to track Peter’s location. It said he was a matter of meters from you, but you couldn’t spot him in the crowd. 

Just as you went to ask Ned, Peter’s voice hollered out, calling your name. 

Both of you turned in his direction, the crowd of people parting for him as he ran over to you, catching you in a bone–crushing hug. One of his hands cradled your head into his chest, and the other kept itself snug around your waist, just like Spider–Man had earlier. "I'm so glad you're okay.." He whispered it into your hairline, just for you to keep.

The world washed away in the arms of Peter Parker. You couldn’t help but wrap your arms around him, too, hugging him effortlessly closer. Apologies from your argument the night before fell from your lips, and he also followed suit. 

You recalled that memory as something that defined how you and Peter operated—no matter what, you couldn’t stay mad at him. 

You would always find a way to forgive him. 

Now, remembering the incident was a bit more haunting. There was no telling how you and Peter would come back from this, nor just how long you’d go without each other.

And you didn't think Spider–Man would get you out of it, this time.

tag–list: @yourfavoritefangirl @inkedeye2345 @wxnterwidow333 @generalmoonpolice @elianamarie-blog

comment for the part three tag list;)

read part three here.

[gojozballs]

Gojo x Reader x Geto "Squid Game"

Warning: [This story contains yandere themes, possessive and obsessive behavior, graphic violence, gunshots, and blood]

Materialist

Part 2

In a deadly game where survival is the only option, Y/N, with a painful injury, relies on her two protective boyfriends, Satoru and Suguru, to navigate the perilous chaos, unaware that the true threat lies right beside her

My face fell as the votes were tallied. We were staying. The majority had chosen to keep playing, and my stomach churned with despair. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I swallowed them down, refusing to let anyone see me break.

Suguru’s voice sliced through the fog in my head. “Idiots. Every last one of them,” he muttered, his hand settling firmly on my shoulder. The weight was grounding, but the tension in his grip betrayed his barely contained frustration.

“It’s fine,” Satoru said, his signature grin intact, as if we weren’t standing on the brink of death. “You just stick to your hottest boyfriend and ignore Mr. Broody over here.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me like this was some kind of field trip.

Despite myself, I let out a snort. “Hottest? Says who?”

“Every mirror I’ve ever looked at,” Satoru shot back.

Suguru rolled his eyes, muttering, “God, give me strength.”

But their banter only served to remind me of the crushing guilt clawing at my chest. This was all my fault. My mom and little brother had been in the hospital for two years after a car accident, and the medical bills were an endless, suffocating nightmare. Desperate to help, I’d called the number on a mysterious business card. I thought I’d been discreet, but clearly not discreet enough. Because when I woke up in this hellhole, both of them were right there—furious, protective, and unwilling to let me face this alone.

Now, they were stuck here because of me.

Before I could spiral further, the robotic voice boomed overhead: “Please follow the guards for the next game.”

The room buzzed with despair. Some players prayed under their breath, while others wept quietly.

Satoru, as always, couldn’t help himself. “Seriously, how much does this game cost? Let’s just buy it and call it a day.”

Suguru pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t buy a death game, Satoru.”

“Sure I can. Money solves everything.”

Suguru sighed, too exhausted to argue with someone so egotistical.

Six-Legged Pentathlon

The air was thick with tension as the announcer’s voice rang out, announcing the start of the next game: Six-Legged Pentathlon. My heart pounded in my chest as I fought the overwhelming urge to panic. The weight of my injury, a painful gash on my left leg from a previous round, made each step feel like I was dragging a heavy anchor behind me. I could barely put pressure on it, and the thought of failing in front of everyone felt unbearable.

The rules were simple: Teams of five. And there was no way I was going to let my injury hold me back, no matter how much it hurt. I just had to push through.

As soon as the announcement finished, people scrambled to form groups. A petite girl, bloodstains staining her clothes, walked up to us with a coy smile, trying to flirt despite her obvious exhaustion. She was practically dripping with desperation, but I couldn’t spare the energy to feel jealous. I was too focused.

“We need two more person. Please join us” she said, glancing between Satoru and Suguru, clearly hoping for their attention.

Suguru didn’t even look at her, his expression cool and polite. “Sorry, we’ve got our group already.”

Satoru, ever blunt, added, “Doesn’t matter who it is, as long as they don’t slow us down. We need a team of five, not a liability.”

I bit my lip, glancing down at my leg. They had already decided who would do which game. Suguru would take the Gonggi, tossing and catching small stones in complex sequences. Satoru would do the Jegi, keeping a shuttlecock-like object in the air with precise kicks. As for me? I’d take on Spinning Top, where I had to spin a top using a string, making sure it stayed on the ground without falling over.

Just as we were about to move, a young boy with pink hair approached me.

“Hello, miss,” he said, his tone polite and sincere. “I’m Yuji. I was wondering if me and my friend could join your group?”

His manners made me smile despite the situation, and I opened my mouth to answer, but Satoru cut me off.

“Who the hell is this? Another colored-hair guy?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly annoyed, but the boy flinched, looking like he didn’t belong here in the slightest.

I felt a protective urge rise in me. “Quiet, Satoru. Let’s take them. That makes five of us.”

Satoru was about to protest, but the voice on the loudspeaker cut through, announcing that group selection was over. I shot Satoru a look, and he rolled his eyes, but he didn’t argue further.

The other girl in our group, Nobara, had been assigned to Ddakji a game involving flipping tiles while Yuji would handle Flying Stone, tossing stones into the air and trying to land them into a target.

The Game Begins

We lined up, and I could barely keep my focus on the game as my mind raced. The pain in my leg was unbearable, but Satoru and Suguru flanked me, their presence somehow making the ache more bearable. They carried me subtly, a steady, quiet support. I knew they were trying to keep it low-key, but the gentle pressure on my shoulders and waist was a silent promise that they wouldn’t let anything happen to me.

First up was Nobara. Her cursing could be heard from a mile away as she struggled with the Ddakji, trying to flip the tiles. “Come on, you stupid thing!” she shouted, frustration and anger mounting.

The crowd watched, quiet for a moment, before she managed a successful flip. The roar of cheers, including mine, echoed through the space. I smiled despite the situation, but my heart was still heavy with the weight of my leg injury.

Next, Yuji stepped forward, ready for his turn with Flying Stone.

“Get this right, dude,” Satoru muttered under his breath, a touch of seriousness in his voice that I wasn’t used to hearing.

To my relief, Yuji nailed it on the first try. “Yes!” I cheered, feeling a spark of hope. He beamed, and I couldn’t help but feel proud of him.

Then it was Suguru’s turn for Gonggi. We all knelt, waiting. Suguru was in his element, his expression calm, almost serene.

“Get this done quick, or I’ll have Y/N all to myself,” Satoru teased, though the tone held a sharp edge that caught everyone’s attention.

Suguru shot him a small smirk, but his eyes were focused as he began the game. The speed with which he completed it took everyone by surprise, myself included. No one expected him to finish so fast, but in moments, it was done. The crowd erupted into applause.

Now, it was my turn.

I shook as I approached the Spinning Top. My hands trembled with every step, the pressure of the game and my injury weighing heavily on me.

“Don’t worry about the time, sweetcheeks,” Satoru’s voice whispered in my ear. I could feel his eyes on me, watching closely.

“Take your time, as long as you need,” Suguru added softly. His voice was steady, but his concern for me was evident.

I knew they were trying to reassure me, but I also knew that the longer I took, the harder it would be to hide my failure. I took the string, my hands shaking uncontrollably as I tried to get the top to spin.

The first time it broke. The second time, it didn’t even roll.

“Seriously, bitch? You’re making this a burden,” someone muttered, and I froze. The words cut into me, and panic surged.

Satoru’s voice, low and dark, echoed in the room. “Someone will die tonight.”

I couldn’t tell if he was talking about me or the person who dared to criticize, but I felt the weight of it. I couldn’t let them down. I couldn’t make them feel like this was a mistake.

With renewed determination, I took the string again, gritting my teeth. This time, the top spun perfectly. It stayed on the ground, spinning in place.

“Good job, baby!” Satoru cheered, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

We moved quickly, the next round ahead of us. Satoru didn’t even break a sweat as he completed his round, effortlessly performing Jegi with precision.

“I did better than Suguru, right, baby?” Satoru grinned, pride in his voice.

I smiled despite the exhaustion, the weight of the game, and my injury. The tension was far from over, but I knew with Suguru and Satoru by my side, I’d survive anything.

And together, we’d make it through to the end.

Unbeknownst to everyone, after the game, muffled screams echoed from the restroom. The agony in the voice was unmistakable a high-pitched wail that quickly turned to sobbing.

“P-please stop! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it!” The girl’s desperate cries grew weaker, punctuated by the sickening sound of a body hitting the wall.

“Should’ve thought of that before calling her a bitch,” Satoru’s voice drawled, laced with venom. He sounded almost bored, but the intensity in his eyes as he leaned over her trembling form told a different story.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Suguru added quietly, his tone cold yet calm as he grabbed her by the chin, forcing her to look at him. “Maybe next time you’ll think twice before running your mouth.”

A sharp, bone cracking snap echoed through the room. The screaming stopped abruptly, replaced by an eerie silence. Blood pooled on the floor, stark against the restroom’s cold tiles.

Satoru stepped back, brushing imaginary dust off his sleeve. “Well, that was satisfying,” he said nonchalantly, his lips curling into a wicked grin.

Suguru adjusted his tie, his demeanor as composed as ever. “More money for us, I suppose. Not that we need any,” he remarked, glancing at Satoru before turning to leave.

Before exiting, Satoru shot a glance back at the lifeless body. His tone shifted, soft yet dripping with possessiveness.

“No one disrespects our girl and walks away. Remember that, sweetheart.”

[limabean42]

𖦹 Anxiety realizing she has a crush on you 𖦹

Reader is implied to be one of the original emotions

-

• When Anxiety first saw you in headquarters she was taken aback at how much she liked you

• She had observed the rest of the emotions as well as you and even admired Joy from afar but she wasn't expecting you to look so good in person

• While introducing herself to you she was a stuttering mess. Everyone brushed it off since she was Anxiety after all, but she knew it was illogical to behave this way for no reason

• She brushed it off and continued her plan for Riley's life and we all know how that went

• After her planned failed and everything was sound again she had more time to reflect on her own feelings

• Sitting in her chair looking at you made her heart speed up so she was quick to look away

• She couldn't look away for long though, especially if you were in control of the panel. She liked seeing you in action, contributing in bettering Riley's life

• Her free time in the massage chair meant she could theorize about reasons why she could feel this way around you and no one else

• As hard as she tried to wrap her head around these feelings she just couldn't crack this case or even think of a solution

• She just liked you a lot for no reason it seemed. You looked good to her physically and mentally and it drove her nuts, not because the feeling was unwelcomed specifically but because she was a problem solver

• If she can't solve problems who was she? How could she take care of Riley? How could she be a useful emotion at all?

• Even if it had been months since she took control of headquarters and gave Riley a panic attack she still felt a little guilty and a bit useless. She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore but it seemed that was all she could do right

• Since she admired Joy so much she decided enough was enough and she needed to talk to her about this before she had a panic attack

• Once describing the feeling in her stomach and chest, Joy smirked and knew exactly what the issue was

• Joy told her that it sounded like she had a crush on you

• Anxiety felt annoyed with herself for not realizing this on her own as it seems so obvious now. How would she know though? She only got here a few months ago

• The word crush didn't terrify her but it did make her anxious

• How would her crush on you affect Riley? Would it impose on Riley's life in a negative way?

• Joy told her to calm down and not overthink it and suggested telling you for her own sanity

• She took a deep breath and decided to face the music by confessing privately

• "y/n? Hey, can I talk to you privately really quick" she smiled nervously

• You agreed and you both walked to the window to see all the islands

• She started out by looking out the window as a distraction from her nerves. She took a deep breath and turned to you

• "I think I have a crush on you" she quickly followed up by ranting, "I don't know exactly what that entails or what it means for me or you or the future or anyone else but it's definitely there and occupying a lot of thinking time so I decided to tell you before I cause more trouble for everyone like I did before. I'm really sorry if this is really sudden for you and if you don't feel the same that's fine this is just mostly for me I mean I don't know if I can even be in a relationship as an emotion plus I just got here and should probably not rush into anything but I feel better now saying all this."

• You just kinda stood there shocked waiting for her to finish ranting everything out of her system. You were happy she felt better and happy that she confessed because you felt the same

• "I like you too" you said smiling, "we don't have to rush things. I don't know how this will affect Riley either but it's worth a shot. Whenever you're ready to be together I'll be here waiting."

• Anxiety couldn't have hoped for a better response. She was so happy she squealed and walked up to hug you

• After realizing what she just did she quickly let go of you and chuckled nervously

• "Thanks for understanding. Could we possibly spend more time together? I mean when neither of us are needed at the panel?"

• You agreed excitedly, happy to be close to her finally

•After that you both walked back to her chair and sat on it together. While you chatted Anxiety glanced toward the panel to find Joy smiling and giving her a thumbs up

• Anxiety melted into the chair and smiled contently while continuing your conversation

-

Thank you for reading <3

[whirlwindimagines]

hello! i was wondering if you could write something where the reader is upset and crying (i wanted to originally ask if it could be a panic attack but i wasnt sure if you were comfortable with that) and vash is at a lost of how to help them so he just presses his forehead agaisnt theirs just like he does when he's helping plants and to his surprise it works?

The way I gasped when I read this I love this so much! I used to have panic attacks lol I don’t mind writing mild ones. Also sorry I haven't been posting much ;p; I've been slowly getting ready for my trip, and work has been something! I'll try to crank more out lol

‘I don't have much to say’

Vash x Reader

You're thankful to have some time to yourself, being in a cramped car with so many other people, good be suffocating, not that you didn’t mind the company for the most part…it was just a lot.

So, when Meryl said she was tired of driving and wanted to camp out for the night, you were the first to agree! Once camp had been set up, you can feel that overwhelming feeling. Not wanting to be a bother you mention you’re going for a quick walk, and that you won’t wander far.

Choosing to ignore the concerned look Vash gives you, instead leaving to head out into the dunes. Making sure to keep the camp at least in someone what sight, you managed to find a boulder heading to the other side for some privacy you sit in the sand.

Trying to count your breaths in and out, digging your hands in the sand to ground yourself, doing everything possible to not let your thoughts race. It’s hard to even know what set this off, it’s pathetic. With that thought you know your crying, placing your hands over your mouth to muffle the sobbing. 

Not knowing how long you’ve been sitting out, your startled when a gentle hand is placed on your shoulder, breath hitching and looking up in surprise you’ve come face to face with Vash. He is on his knees beside you, a look of such concern in his eyes your mind registers his lips moving, but your ears are ringing so loud, feeling humiliated that he’s found you in such a weak state. 

The thought makes you sob more, wrapping your arms around yourself to appear smaller, Vash’s eyes widen as he looks up you, unsure how to help, but wanting too so desperately. Your clearly in pain, and he doesn’t have a clue on what to do to help.

But Vash needs to help, it’s his nature so with a thought he reaches for you with gentle hands, cupping your face with one warm and one cool hand he touches his forehead to yours in such a gentle way you nearly forget how to breathe. His eyes are closed while yours are wide open.

“It’s okay I’m here” Vash says it’s so quietly you nearly miss it, having to steady your breaths, but the feeling of his hands on your face and him being so close is just so comforting that you close your eyes breathing in his scent. You don't know how long the two of you continue to sit there simply existing with each other. 

It helps, more than you could ever imagine, pressing closer to Vash as you close your eyes. “Thank you.” You feel as if those words aren't enough, that you’ll never be able to describe the pure gratitude you have towards Vash at this moment. You feel Vash’s rub his thumbs over the top of your cheeks, the motion is smoothing and continues to help ground you.

“You don't need to thank me…whenever you need me, I’ll be there.” your breath hitches at his words, feeling his breath ghost over your lips, opening your eyes just to take a peek at his face, your surprises that his are now open and he’s looking at you with an unreadable expression, his blue eyes so kind. 

Your eyes soften looking at him, he pulls back a bit to place a kiss on your forehead before pulling you completely into his arms. You know all your problems aren’t solved, and you have your worries and anxieties, but you let yourself enjoy this moment here with Vash.

[lover-of-mine]

Season 2 bpreg where after Shannon says she’s not pregnant and asks for a divorce Eddie tells Buck and says he’s kinda disappointed because he was looking forward to a baby, Buck without thinking it through is like “I can have your baby!” Thinks about it and doubles down, Eddie goes “yeah that seems normal and reasonable, let’s do it!” So idk ig they sleep together and the next day Shannon dies?? Bad timing. Cant decide if the truck falling on Buck still happens or not but if it does everything is FINE and while he’s out of commission Buck finds out he actually is pregnant after their spontaneous decision to make a baby and instead he goes nuts focusing on that or something

Okay, definitely still want the explosion to happen, and then Buck finds out he is in fact pregnant after the surgery in his leg and he is in PANIC MODE, and Eddie is kinda like "yeah, no way he actually got pregnant first try and after everything that happened to him" so he kinda just lets it go because Buck needs to heal and Buck is spiralling because he does not know how to tell Eddie and he is extra moody because hormones. Then he just blurts it out one day because of a craving or morning sickness or whatever and then he's all apologetic even though both of them agreed to the baby before sleeping together and Eddie just kinda loses it a little bit in the sense that he's on Buck in an instant and they are making out and Eddie wants to get married and yay we solved it before the tsunami even happened oaksaoksasaoks

[ceelisiowo]

When all is said and done, you're the one I always come too [Weiss & Nora]

--- Even if it was nothing new trying to endure the awful hot weather from Vacuo after so many days living there, Weiss still had a hard time surviving it, especially when going farther and farther away from the city they now had to call home.

The team usually stayed near the camps and the school, their time consumed between meetings and humanitarian help for the Atlas refugees. Sometimes Grimm would come but she never had to go beyond the outskirts of the city, the Winter Maiden already on her way whenever problems arised. Her relationship with Winter was its own bag of worms she has to eventually solve, but right now there is another person invading her mind.

Weiss can already see the slab, her legs slowly carrying her to the place that held so much pain and sorrow for her friends and family. And leaning in a seated position on the stone is a certain red-haired girl she's been looking for so long.

If someone told her on her first year at Beacon that she'd see Nora without Ren she would have probably laughed at them. And for a while it was their status quo. But Weiss has seen the struggle she was going through when they were fighting in Atlas, her choice of keeping distance with Ren inevitable. She understood -probably more than anyone else- what it was finding one self after being attached to a name for so long. It surprised her though when Ren went to her some time ago, asking for her to go look for Nora at this place. Is not that they weren't talking, her friendship with the girl being stronger than ever after returning from the Ever After, but Weiss was still at a loss as to why she was asked. She didn't hesitate to accept, of course. Nora has lately been looking worse and worse, her smiles short and eyes sad. The stress was becoming too much for all of them, but Nora seemed to be the one being the most affected, and Weiss wanted to be there for her.

As she approaches, a wimper is lost between Nora's lips, and Weiss can't help but stop at the sight. She looks devastated, her emotions clear on her face. Weiss can count with the fingers of only one of her hands the times she's seen Nora so vulnerable, honesty mostly lost by the girl's personality. The moment ends when Nora finally notices the girl at her side, panic rising on her features for a second when she finds out she wasn't alone, but relaxes when her eyes land on Weiss. She only sighs, rubbing her eyes trying to make her tears stop but gives up after a few seconds. She still manages to give her friend a smile, her trembling lips doing their best to keep her composture. Weiss only wishes for a way to make that smile genuine.

"Figures it'd be you." Weiss just looks at her, puzzled at her words. Nora sighs again and returns to watching the horizon, her body a bit more relaxed than before.

They stay like that for a few minutes, the wind the only sound in their space. Weiss tries to come up with something, but no words expel from her mouth, scared of turning Nora away. So she waits for an explanation, a sign, anything that Nora is willing to give her. She does not hestitate to sit at her side when her hand pats the other side of the slab, the girls now seated side by side under the light of the sun. Nora starts to play with her hands, that nervous energy she usually expels when her words can't come out yet, until her voice fills the silence.

"Did Ren tell you to come find me?"

"How did you know?" Weiss words come in a rush, content to know Nora is ready to talk but a little surprised by her guess. Nora laughs for a bit, her emotions being once again true. Weiss can't keep her eyes away from her. Her laughter dies after a while but the tension from before seems to disappear.

"When you guys where… not here" she starts, her voice more confident but still soft. "Whenever everything turned out to be too much I came here to sit and just… I don't know. It was the closer I could be to you."

Nora looks down, suddenly bashful of seeing Weiss at the eyes. Weiss slowly rises her arm, her hand lightly stroking the other girl's shoulder. She wasn't sure what were their boundaries now but Nora did not stop her, so she continued.

"I guess… you are the one I always come to…" Nora ends her words with her eyes finally meeting Weiss', and the girl knows how much this means to her. Unable to hold herself any longer she launches at Nora, the strongest hug she can muster keeping them both in place.

And they stay like that for a while, the hot weather making them leave some time later. Their lives were still not okay, the weight of the world still on their teams' shoulders. But they have each other, and no matter how much pain destiny throws at them, they were sure they could stand it together. ---

This is my gift for @kinaesthetiqueer for the @remnants-of-rwby-exchange !! I'm really sorry for the late post!!! I kind of underestimated how much time I had left ;w; I hope you like it Kina!! I ended up mashing the two prompts you send me with some hurt/comfort and tender moments > < So at first I really wanted to make some fanart of your fic 'her pulse on my throat' because I really enjoy reading it!! But I could not finish it by the time I had to start working on the gift so I went with the other idea I had :O I really love the way you write Weiss and especially Nora!! I hope I did them justice with this little idea I had > < I didn't know if to make them in a romantic or platonic setting, so I guess it is up for whatever interpretation you like most!

[davenportia]

lab rats, if it was not produced by disney, or at least not disney xd (maybe netflix or disney+) would have been a much better show. bryan and chris did a great job with what they had but unfortunately were working for disney. if you’re following my insta, you heard me talking about this on my story yesterday, but i’m going to try to type it all out here. trigger warning, trauma, abuse, and deaths. i will also do another warning right before the topic is brought up. here we go

time: i am aware that disney shows whether channel or xd only have a certain amount of time for table reads, filming, editing, and then airing. for a show especially like liv and maddie, they REALLY didn’t have time as dove had to film everything twice. disney episodes, unless a special episode, are usually between 24-30 minutes. but it’s so annoying how everything gets solved so fast. the laugh tracks (i am very used to them but i am aware that people find them annoying). it’s not very realistic that way. now to swiftly move to the next topic, scripts and reality

scripts and reality: even a show like fuller house on netflix, which also only had 24-30 minute episodes, had a more realities script. disney said “tweeter, twits, facegab, e-phone, madame googoo, vuuugle” because they’re cheap, fuller house would say “new kids on the block, facebook, nintendo, hamilton, pippin” ACTUALLY NAMES OF things. even outside of that, they talked like normal people would. in a disney show, something would go wrong, they would cut to commercial break, then come back and say “i can’t believe you ____! how are we going to fix this?!” NO ONE talks like that except for disney characters. whyyyy

characters:

adam; he was the token dumb character and honestly, not a nice person. i know that disney always has sassy characters but adam was just rude and didn’t have a filter. there should have been more to his character. maybe he would have had some sort of special interest like dez from austin and ally. dez was dumb but had his sweet moments and was a really good filmmaker and director. all adam seems to do is make fun of others and use his super strength. he should have been more useful outside of his bionics. had some sort of personality other than being dumb.

bree, trigger warning - drinking? ; bree, desperately wanting to be a normal teenager, would have gone crazy with partying. literally in the first episode, she said she was close to getting a curfew she was going to break. she wanted to be rebellious from the first episode. bree would have been one of those teens that either did not want to grow up or wanted to grow up too fast. she may have even been a bit of a rebel in school. not too bad, but like getting detention sometimes. once she grew out of that phase possibly, she would have had an identity crisis. and yes, i mean that kind. she was not straight. there’s no way. she should have struggled with her sexuality. maybe even a potential love interest that was a girl. i mean, considering she was the only girl besides tasha, there should have been some sort of identity issues with her.

chase; chase probably could have been explored the most. disclaimer, i promise i am not being biased by saying that; i just know him the best out of all the characters. chase is the smartest man in the world and in my opinion, was way too sane. katie from alexa and katie would get overwhelmed thinking about high school and college and would have panic attacks. chase was stressed out a lot and probably should have had panic attacks. and it pains me to say that because the last thing i want is for him to have mental health problems but it’s very realistic that he would have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks. additionally, i have seen a lot of people say this, i could see him being autistic. i don’t think he is, but if someone were to confirm it somehow, i would totally see it. i could see him being overstimulated and like how he jumps up and down when he’s excited? that could be him stimming. also, i’ve always wondered this, isn’t it painful to use his bionic eye? i feel like i would get headaches. and then all the apps he has? commando app (i will talk about spike momentarily), magnetism app, override app (no pressure??), internal hard drive, laser bow, molecular kinesis, super senses, levitation (which was only used once wtf), and obviously, super intelligence. think about how overwhelming that is, and they called him WEAK? bro was holding the team together. even if he weren’t autistic, he should have gotten overstimulated more.

follow up- spike; i’m going to be incredibly contradictory here but just bare with me. what the fuck did spike even do? he just caused destruction and distress for chase. when chase was nervous, mad, or embarrassed, he came out, but only when the episode revolved around him. i understand davenport’s intentions: remove the flight part of fight or flight, but why did he make him so angry? and also, i think that’s a bit insulting to chase, as if saying he’s too weak to handle himself. ugh, the very little he did was just useless. i wish we had gotten more of him and that he had had a bigger role. he was written terribly and never came out when he really should have come out. leo’s jam, trent gets schooled, rise of the secret soldiers, bionic rebellion, space colony, and the attack episode are all examples of where spike could have come out because chase was embarrassed or upset. also chase clearly didn’t like spike being a part of him. why did davenport never realize this and remove him when not only does chase not like him but also, he was doing anything but help chase.

leo- trigger warning, mentions of divorce, abuse, possible death; did the writers forget the literal first scene of the show? his mom literally got remarried. what happened to leo’s dad? did they get a divorce. did leo’s dad die? was he abusive? was he not around? so many questions. and we know they were married because leo excitedly said “my 𝐧𝐞𝐰 dad is batman!” so it’s not like tasha and leo’s biological father had a baby but were never married. in ‘can i borrow the helicopter?’ leo confides in davenport about his crush on janelle and he told tasha, which leo was upset about, but he had the opportunity to be more upset than he was. maybe his old dad never would have done that. maybe he’s used to it so he wasn’t as upset but he never thought davenport would have done that to him. he also forgave him way too fast (again, fast-paced episodes😒). he also should’ve had a harder time adapting to gaining 3 siblings after being an only child his whole life. i mean, even chase - who already had a brother - had a hard time gaining even on sibling. other than familial life and possible trauma leo could have had, i don’t have much to say about the character. he was written pretty well and had some awesome lines

i’m going to make a part 2 so stay tuned!

[its-a-snood-silly]

Wenclair Headcanon 🖤🩷

Wednesday realizes her feelings. Pt. 1

I lock my gaze in on the textbook sprawled out in front of me, pretending as if I didn’t catch Enid blatantly staring at me. I’m trying to ignore the fact that catching her has resulted in an unfamiliar, warm tingling sensation in my chest. How unsettling. How… Pleasant?

No.

The more I try not to focus on it, the more the words in the book in front of me blur to gibberish. I can feel a stinging of salt forming behind my eyes. The air suddenly feels too thick to breathe in. I go to grab my belongings so I can hurry out before something emerges that gives everyone a show. But the annoyance of being flustered causes my hand to pull too hard, and my textbook clamors down to the floor. If all eyes weren’t on me before, they certainly are now.

“Miss Addams, are you-“ Professor Lavinia starts, but i’m halfway out the door before she can finish. I trudge as fast as I can to the bathroom, my legs feeling like i’m walking through mud. I finally reach the restroom and the second the door swings shut, hurricane Wednesday is released.

What is this? Why is this happening? Why am I unable to hold back these tears, unable to catch my breath? Is this a panic attack? No. I am not an anxious person. This makes no sense. I topple over to the sink and throw an icy splash of water onto my face. The sudden coolness shocks me back to reality. My breath is finally catching. Just as I’m gaining control of myself again, the door swings open.

I look up, and as I lock eyes with the intruder to my moment of weakness, the stinging feeling returns to my eyes.

It’s her. Enid.

I take in a sharp breath of air, “what do you want, Sinclair?” I say coldly, trying not to make eye contact.

“I… um… Professor Lavinia asked for someone to come check on you. I… figured you’d prefer me over someone random. Are you alright?” she stutters.

I bring my gaze up to my reflection. Unable to recognize the being staring back at me. Emotional. Reddened, teary-eyes. Unable to form cohesive thoughts. This situation is absolutely horrifying, and I’m starting to believe i’ve gone mad.

“…..Wednesday?” she says. I realize I’ve been staring at myself for too long and didn’t actually answer her.

“I’m fine, Enid, I just-“ I start, making the mistake of locking eyes with her. Something pulls deep in my stomach at the sight of her. Her eyes are wide, with what I assume is worry. Normally I’m able to deflect any confrontation from those concerned with my feelings. But Enid.. I hate to admit it. But I’ve realized Enid has a way of making it through to the deepest parts of me in a way that’s incomprehensible. As if she’s found a weak point in the barricade i’ve built around my emotional side.

“I’m fine.” I spit out, quickly wiping my eyes and rushing to head out the door. I need air.

Just as I’m about to pass her, she does the unthinkable and grabs my arm. “Wednesday.” she says, a bit more stern inflection in her voice this time. She yanks me so i’m left with no choice but to face her, and I damn her werewolf capability of being physically stronger than her size would lead you to believe. “Touch me again, Sinclair, and. And…” I want to yell, I want to threaten her like I do to anyone who dares lay their hands on me unwillingly. But something makes me stop. My brow furrows at this frustrating conflict.

“Wednesday Addams, I know you’re totally not emotional and act like you don’t care, which is why this moment is so much more worrying for me. You told me that crying solves nothing, yet here you are. Clearly something IS wrong, and I’m not letting you go until you get whatever it is that’s happening off of your chest. Threaten to suffocate me, or cut off my hand, I don’t care. Spill, Addams. I’m serious,” she scolds. I stare harshly at her, and then sigh. I can feel my suppressed feelings starting to boil over, and the need to spew them out is burning in the back of my throat.

“Fine.” I spit, and out comes everything i’ve been trying so hard to avoid speaking aloud. Especially to the one who’s the causation of all this emotional turmoil.

(Pt. 2 will come soon! xx)

[nishayuro]

Excuse me, ✨The Amazing Madam Nisha✨ but I would like to send in a request. I would like Tamaki, Tsuyu, and Eraserhead with a GN reader (platonic) that has a similar personality to Hu Tao because my girl deserves better. Also her is cake for your hard work 🎂

My Hero Academia with Hu Tao! Reader (Platonic)

A/N: Hallo! Thank you for the cake ^^ I hope u enjoy this!

Genre: Fluff

GN! Reader

Warning: Mention of dead people (nothing graphic)

Character building!! Your quirk lets you summon a sentient ghost buddy (It’s similar to Dark Shadow.)  that for some reason has fire powers, you speculate that its a demon, but who are you to judge really.

Another thing about your quirk is it lets you see the memories of dead people when you touch their corpse. Kinda creepy, I know. 

Your family runs a funeral parlour, so your whole life you’ve been exposed to the notion of life and death, and you’ve long ago removed that fear in you. Human lives are meant to end one way or another, But that doesn’t stop you from dreaming of being a hero, so that even for a few more years, those people can live their lives and die of natural causes and not of evil doings.

You’re a very cheerful person albeit your fascination with death, which drives some people crazy when you go up to offer them coupons for your family’s business. But hey, who can blame you? Business is business.

Tamaki Amajiki

You’re one of the Big 3, well, now known as the Big 4 along with Mirio and Nejire. Your quirk has been helpful with lots of murder investigations, and you’ve trained your ghost buddy with controlling its fire.

Tamaki at first was scared of you, I mean, you did offer him a coupon for a coffin one time when he was to be deployed on a mission. 

But he later realised that it's just a personality of yours, and got used to you. 

Whenever he has his panic attacks, you’d let your little ghost buddy out for Tamaki to play with as a form of calming himself. 

He sometimes gets scared when the Big 4 hangs out and Nejire asks about your missions, because most of the time, you’re deployed to help solve murder cases. And that’s not entirely a fun topic. 

But overall, Tamaki is glad to have a friend like you, who shows they case in even the weirdest ways. 

Tsuyu Asui

You’re one of class 1-A’s top fighters, along with Bakugo, Todoroki, and Midoriya. 

Tsuyu is a naturally friendly person, so she was able to befriend you right away, and you earned yourself a place with the Deku Squad.

She does get a bit creeped out when you offer up coupons and promos, but she’s there to pull you away from possibly angering or creeping out anyone else with your antics. 

She knows you’re a very dependable friend though, and goes to you for advice whenever she has a problem. 

You also come to her whenever missions get taxing, sure, you’re used to the face of death, but it’s still a whole new can of worms to be sent out to missions where you know you’ll see bodies, some more gory than others. 

When days like that come, she’ll be there to help you through them and get you back to your ever so energetically weird self. 

Aizawa Shouta

You’re his student, and with the rise of Nomu cases, your quirk has been in demand to help solve it.

Being able to see the memories of dead people helped with solving many murder cases, so naturally, they’d wanna see how your quirk works on the Nomus.

Aizawa at first was against this, I mean, this was emotionally draining even for someone like you. 

But you assured him that this was a way to properly give justice to the poor souls who suffered. 

So he’ll let you, but will be with you when you do it. 

He knows you’re dependable and strong, and he admires your resilience.

He’s also another one to wrangle you up before you cause trouble with your ways of promoting the funeral business. 

He’d do everything to protect your cheerful energy, he’d hate to see that light of yours grow dim. 

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[hitsmelikeasteamroller]

Runaway Thoughts

Carmen Berzatto X Reader

Warnings: Smut, Language, Anxiety, Drinking, Slightly drunk sex

Word Count: 3,051

Summary: After a mishap in the kitchen, Carmen takes it upon himself to cheer you up. 

A/N: This is my first Carmen fic and I hope everyone likes it bc I am definitely starved Carmen content lol. This is not proofread sorry not sorry <3

When your brother begged you to join him working at The Bear, you would have said no if you knew what it entailed. Richie pulled you into the job by calling me over and over, complaining about other candidates and how they “didn’t fix the napkin” whatever that means. You gave in, becoming a server for the restaurant, and managing front-of-house affairs, training the servers on anticipating customers’ needs and wants, and improving their overall experiences at The Bear. The tense atmosphere of the back of house staff doesn't often carry to the front of house workers, but when it rains, it pours.

Tonight was one of those nights. Focaccia courses were behind, pushing everything else back, and causing Carmen Berzatto to lose his shit behind the kitchen doors.

“Where the FUCK are the seven fishes for table 42?!” Carmen screams at Tina.

She attempts to explain that the last batch got undercooked, and she had to cook some of the ingredients a bit longer when Carmen cut her off, snapping  “Just get it done, chef. Every second counts.”

Tensions have been high all night and only continue to rise as servers poke their heads in and out of the kitchen to ask where their missing dishes are. Nothing pisses the chefs off more than this.

The flames between the servers and the chefs are stoked with every backed up dish, and every question, a fact you are overwhelmingly aware of as the servers decide to come to you as a front-of-house manager. You’ve finally had enough of the complaints, and you stomp through the restaurant in search of Richie. He would know what to do, his gruff and snarky exterior being able to bridge the gap between front and back-of-house, with his sister in front and Carmen in the back. Unable to find him in the front, you push open the doors to the kitchen and begin to make your way to the back doors, behind which you assume Richie is standing smoking a cigarette. In your haste, you forget to yell ‘corner’ as you crash directly into one of the dishwashers, who just so happened to be holding a freshly clean stack of salad plates. You watch in slow-motion as part of the stack tips off the top, crashing and shattering on the kitchen tile.

“Oh my God, I-I’m so sorry, here let me go get the broom, I’ll-” you begin to panic, rambling on about cleaning the plates before you look up and meet the eyes of the person you crashed into. It’s one of the new guys, you haven’t talked to him before, making your mishap all the more embarrassing.

In the middle of your rambling he cuts you off.

“Are you too fucking stupid to say ‘corner’?!” He barks. “What the fuck is wrong with you?! Do you not know how a kitchen works?! Now we’re gonna be fucked over for the rest of the night because we’re short fifteen plates! And it’s your fucking fault.”

You apologize profusely again as you grab the broom and the dustpan, attempting to sweep what you can to avoid any risk. The man finally walks away as you sweep, muttering more about how he hates you and how you fucked the kitchen for the night. You go silent, retreating from your current situation into your head and thoughts. Are you stupid? You couldn’t solve the server’s problems without running to cry to your brother. You empty the dust pan into the trash. You’re awful at this job. You don’t deserve to work here. You smooth your shirt as you walk back to the front, not looking at any of the chefs you walk past. You’re an obstacle. You don’t help all you do is hurt. You tell a server to deal with their backed up tables by themself, continuing to walk past the rows of tables, to one you know is waiting on their food. Thoughts continue to plague you as you offer them all free glasses of wine as they wait. You wouldn’t have to give away free drinks if you could control the servers. You’re costing the restaurant money. You’re gonna fuck everyone over.

Your night continues like this, nitpicking yourself as you try to do your job, unable to fully be in the moment. A faraway look sits on your face as you complete your cutwork. You roll silverware in fabric napkins, placing the complete bundles into a crate for tomorrow as your thoughts haunt the back of your mind. Richie’s gonna be so fucking pissed. You roll another. Carmen’s gonna fire you. Another. The chefs all hate you now. You reach for another fork, and realize you’re out of clean silverware, signaling your ability to leave.

Checking your phone, you realize it’s much later than usual, you must be moving pretty slowly tonight. The kitchen getting backed up must’ve been your fault.

You arrive at your locker, swapping your non-slip work shoes for regular sneakers. You hear footsteps as you grab your bag.

“Oh good you’re still here. I need to talk to you.” It's Carmen. You’re fired. He hates you.

“I was actually just about to leave, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened earlier too, I didn’t mean to knock into him, I understand if you don’t want me back, I totally fucked up the whole kitchen I’m so sorry.” your words escape you before you can think about what you want to say.

“No. No no no, you’re not fired (y/n). You’re like the most reliable one here.  I just need to know what he said to you.” Carmen looks surprised that you would have thought he would ever fire you. “Plus I think Richie would kill me if I fired you so…” he laughs, trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh. Sorry. I just kind of assumed-” you trail off before you begin to tell Carmen the awful things the dishwasher said to you, not letting the tears that were welled in your eyes spill down your cheeks.

Carmen looks at you with an upset empathy in his blue eyes, he reaches forward to brush a stray tear from your cheek, then takes your hand in his as you finish telling him how the things the man said to you had echoed in the back of your head all night. “I’m sorry, I know it shouldn’t affect me like it does, I should just move on, grow up.” You dryly laugh, attempting to brush your insecurities off as a joke.

“No, (y/n), I expect that from my chefs who have gone through culinary school. They have those words drilled into them for years and they learn to deal with that in a learning setting, not a professional kitchen like this. That is not in your job description and should not have happened, as the owner I can not apologize to you enough.”

Carmen’s words make you feel reassured and safe. You’ve never heard him speak like that in all of the years you’ve known him.

“It’s not your fault Carmy, I think- I think I just need to go home and sleep off the day.” you brush a strand of hair behind your ear as you bend to grab your bag again.

“Here let me call you an Uber, you don’t really seem to be in a place to deal with the L.” Carmy grabs for his phone, opening the app. “Where do you live?”

You tell him your address and he snaps his head to look at you

“Are you fucking with me?” he asks. You shake your head. “Oh my God you live like a block from me.” He laughs in surprise.

“Oh shit, are you leaving soon? We can just share the Uber to our shithole apartments.” You laugh back. It’s definitely not the nicest part of town but at least Carmy can share your pain.. You’re shocked Richie never mentioned that you live in the same area as Carmen, but Richie is kind of fucking stupid.

Carmy agrees to split the Uber, grabbing his things while you wait for the car to arrive.

As the two of you walk to the car, Carmen opens the door for you, allowing you to slide in before he takes his own seat and slams the door shut, briefly exchanging pleasantries with the driver. It’s a 20 minute drive through the traffic spent exchanging stories of Richie, remodeling The Bear, and finding line cooks doing drugs in the alley. As you pull up to Carmy’s building, he licks his lips nervously, and turns to look at you. “Hey uh, do you want to maybe come in for a drink? I can walk you to your building later if you want?”

“Only if you have tequila.” You respond. He laughs and you follow him out of the car to the doors of his building.

You sit on his couch with a drink in your hand. He sits beside you, picking up your earlier conversation.

“Richie was always an asshole but you were so nice and polite, I didn’t believe you were related when you first came to Christmas.” Carmen is leaned back against the couch, feet up on the coffee table. The arm holding his drink is propped up on the arm of the couch. He looks delicious. It’s then you remember to respond.

“I think I was on my best behavior because your family is terrifying.” You laugh. “Like is Cicero in the mafia or like what is the deal with that?”

Carmen’s face drops “Oh babe, we can’t talk about that.” His voice is hushed and your heart drops. You dumbass you fucked it up. Carmy's concerned look cracks into a smile.

“I’m fucking with you.” He laughs and you let out a sigh of relief.

“You’re awful.” you laugh in response, softly swatting his arm. It's then you realize how close together you are really sitting. You can smell him, hear him breathe. As he finishes laughing, he meets your eyes. It must be the alcohol talking when he says “You know I used to have the biggest crush on you, I was too scared to talk to you that first Christmas because of it.”

You’re taken aback. Fucking Carmen Berzatto just admitted that he had a CRUSH on you.

“No you’re fucking with me again.” You can’t believe him.

“No I promise you I’m not. I honestly don’t think it ever went away, and I probably shouldn't say that but I’m a little drunk right now and there’s a beautiful girl on my couch.”

You can’t say anything. Your cheeks heat up as you lean into him meeting your lips with his. As your lips meet you feel him sigh in contentment, he’s been waiting for this and so have you. Your lips move against each other heatedly as you intensify the kiss. You’re leaned over him so you can kiss him as he is leaned against the back of the couch. Your arm meets his side of the couch to prop yourself up across him and he breaks the kiss for a moment as his arm meets your lower back, encouraging you to set yourself on his lap. Your legs wrap around his waist as you continue to kiss, his tongue entering your mouth as his hand pushes itself under your shirt, rubbing your back. Your hands make their way to his head, you have one hand on his cheek, one tangled in his hair as he moans into the kiss. You feel his hardening cock underneath you as you sit on his lap and you trail a hand down his torso towards his hips.

You pull away from his lips as you whisper  with a soft laugh “Carmy I think I owe you for the Uber.”

You take yourself off of his lap as he frees himself from his pants, his hard cock rests against his stomach as he lays back on the couch. You place yourself between his legs, taking him in your hand. You run your hang along him a couple times before taking him in your mouth.

“Oh my God that’s so fucking good babe, Oh my God.” Carmen moans as you move your head up and down.

He threads his hand into your hair as his head falls back looking towards the ceiling, consumed in the pleasure you are giving him.

He begins to rock his hips to meet your mouth, your hands run up and down his thighs as you continue to suck him off.

Suddenly he pulls you off his cock, keeping his hand in your hair as he pulls you to his lips, heatedly kissing you.

“Can I please fuck you, I need to be in you.” Carmen almost whines.

“Please.” is all you respond before he lays you down on the couch, pulling your shirt off and throwing it somewhere into the abyss of the living room. His kisses from your neck down to your stomach, unbuttoning your pants. Your pants come off next. They meet the same fate as your shirt, thrown to the side. Carmen continues to kiss along your hips, pulling your panties down. He slides two fingers through your heat as he leans back up to meet your mouth with his. “So wet babe. Is it all for me?” He knows the answer, he just wants to hear you say it yourself.

“Yes Carm, all for you.” you moan in response, giving him exactly what he wants.

“Oh babe.” He lines his cock up with your entrance, pushing in bit by bit to give you time to adjust. He kisses up your neck, right under your ear as he begins to thrust into you, causing you to gasp and wrap your hands around his back.

He moans as he fucks you, your hands running down his back. He feels your nails dig into his shoulders as he angles his hips up, hitting the perfect spot inside of you. Your head is thrown back, whimpers escaping your lips as he continues at that angle.

“Oh yeah that’s the spot isn’t it?” Carmy muses, confidence dripping from his statement as he watches your reaction to his actions. It's driving him crazy. He fucks you harder as he feels himself about to finish.

“Oh Babe, I’m gonna cum, you’re so good, so tight oh my God.” He is rambling as he fucks into you, trailing his hand down your front, stopping at your clit, rubbing small circles as he continues to fuck you hard and fast.

“Oh my God Carm please don’t stop that I’m gonna cum, oh fuck.”

“Fuck babe, cum with me, please, fuck.” Carmen continues his actions as your orgasm washes over you, causing you to tense as he pulls out and finishes onto your stomach. Moans fill the room as you ride out your orgasms. Carmen, still above you, leans his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. You tilt your chin up to meet his lips, capturing each other in a sweet, heavy kiss.

Finally Carmen stands to grab a towel and clean you off. He finds his boxers and pulls them back on as he walks away to throw the towel in the laundry. You wonder if you are going to sleep here, or complete the walk of shame back to your complex down the street. Your questions are answered when Carmy tosses one of his shirts to you, cocking his head in a ‘follow me’ signal towards his bedroom.

“Uh, there’s a shower in there if you want, you can sleep here with me, or I can walk you home. No pressure.” He kisses your temple and moves to his dresser to find a shirt.

You make your way to his bathroom to take a brief shower, still feeling a little gross from your shift earlier. Washing yourself with Carmen’s soap, you’re lost in thoughts about how you just fucked your boss and family friend, and it was fucking awesome. You dry yourself with a towel, putting the shirt Carmen gave you back on. He is sitting on the edge of the bed, writing something on his phone when you open the bathroom door. He sets his phone down to look at you. You sit next to him and lean your head on his shoulder.

“Hey.” is all he says.

“That was so good, Carmy.” you simply respond.

“Fuck yeah it was.” He softly laughs. You turn your head and meet him in a soft kiss. “Do you want to stay here tonight? I can make you breakfast in the morning.” He offers, speaking into your hair as you lean against him.

“Yeah, I think I’d love that.” you respond. You crawl into the bed, settling under the covers as he slides in next to you.

He pulls you to him as you wrap your arms around him. “We probably shouldn’t talk about this in front of people.” He says softly.

You breathe out a laugh as you think about what Richie would say if he found out about this. “Yeah, probably not. Just act normal.” you respond.

“Just act normal, huh?” he laughs. “Act like I didn’t just have the best sex of my life with you?” He teases.

“I don’t know, Richie and Sydney would love to hear every detail of this, I’m sure.” You counter playfully. He sighs as he begins to rub your back. You close your eyes as you are hit with a wave of exhaustion from the day, head growing heavier against Carmy’s chest. He kisses the top of your head, whispering a soft goodnight as he turns off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

...

After a delicious breakfast, Carmen walks you back to your building so you can get ready for your dinner shift. You smooth your shirt, trying to get rid of the wrinkles caused by it sitting in a heap on Carmy’s living room floor. Just act normal.

You walk into the restaurant, clocking in and walking past the chefs cleaning up lunch. You meet Carmy’s eye and hold back an awkward laugh. Sydney and Tina exchange a suspicious look and Carmen tells them to get back to work as he watches you pass through the kitchen doors to the front.

[leahsgf]

flicker of hope

pairings. adult lottie matthews x reader

you have struggled with your anxiety for as long as you could remember, but with lottie you feel like you can get through anything.

description of anxiety and panic attacks!

-

the bitterness of the cold nipped at your skin, joining your mind in taunting you as you slumped down against a tree, an unplanned detour from your final jobs of the day around the compound.

you’d felt the weight of your anxiety compressing against your chest from the moment you had awoken, teasingly, like some twisted social experiment to see how long you could bare to fight it before it inevitably consumed you.

“fuck” you threw your head back, feeling the scratch of the bark behind you as the lump in your throat grew strength, and tears began to silently slip out and down your reddening cheeks.

your bad days were now considered rare in comparison to the decades ago when you were stranded, and the gnawing, looming voices inside of you had actual reason to grip onto and control you with, like a puppet on strings. however, even years after you’d been rescued, every now and again that puppet would be ripped from it’s prior abandonment and tormented, when you least expected it and without reason, making your feelings even more overwhelming and complicated, especially now that you’re expected to of left every aspect of the wilderness behind you with the time passed, and stories were no longer published in the news about it, meaning no therapist cared to see you either.

“you love and care so deeply about every little thing that it consumes all of you. i couldn’t imagine a more exhausting existence.” one particular doctor had uttered to you once, paired with the typical sympathy laced look in her eyes that made your stomach drop that little bit more.

you were your own biggest enemy. it was a simply a fact, one that no medication or fancy degree would truly ever solve. you shredded yourself from the inside out before anyone else could even come close to doing so, something you’d done since the days when you would simply rip up your finger paintings and cry because everyone else’s would automatically be better than yours no matter how hard you tried, and it utterly exhausted you.

lottie was your one constant throughout everything. she always had been. she was the one who, at the age of six, would pull your torn up art out of the trash when you weren’t looking, before spending all night taping each of the tiny pieces back together and returning them to you anonymously, with a smiley face and a note saying how beautiful it looked scrawled across the back.

your dynamic had always remained similar to this, and you knew that she loved you. every single inch of you. she reminded you of it every single morning in the mirror, and in every note she’d leave dotted around the house, with the same smiley face and handwriting that had been engrained into the very workings of your mind for decades. you loved her so much that it terrified you that she’d one day see you the way you see yourself in moments like this, that the love would one day slip - and she’d leave you.

no matter how hard she had tried to guide you into it, insisting that it’d help and that she’d never judge you, you had always refused to completely break down in front of her, or anyone, even in the crash, out of the sheer fear that consumed you.

you’d been avoiding her all day, having long predicted the inevitable - skipping your usual breakfast together in favour of ‘getting a head start on your jobs and classes’ and rushing around to ensure that your paths wouldn’t cross, knowing that she would’ve seen straight through you with even a glimpse in your direction. instead, you let the mere whispers in your head gain power and volume, until you were thoroughly overwhelmed, and lisa’s simple correction when you were helping load the van for the upcoming market sent you running off into the depths of the woods.

you had never learned your lesson in bottling everything up until it was too late, putting off talking about what was on your mind in hopes that it would resolve itself, and simply disappear. but they never did. not once. the bottle always got too full, shattering into sharp edges that cut into you before you could even flinch.

you buried your head into the coldness of your hands, as you shuddered, clinging onto the last shred of composure that you had before you completely broke down, as the looming darkness and distant echoes of your name pulled you from the depths of your thoughts, and sent even more panic surging through you.

lottie had felt deep inside, long before lisa had approached her full of concern for you, that something was up. she had been in your life for as long as she could remember, and no matter how hard you tried to shield it from her she always knew. it was just something in her. upon hearing about your sudden disappearance and your general demeanour, she too ran in the direction of the woods, almost directly mirroring your actions.

as the thickness of the trees enveloped her and her feet burned as she moved, she had a feeling she knew exactly where you would be. it was a habit you had adapted during the time you had been stranded. one that she had yet to of seen you you come to since then, disappearing and sitting against one specific tree when you were having one of your really bad moments and didn’t want her to see you.

there was a particular tree nearby that you had discovered together on a walk years ago, shortly after lottie’s return from switzerland and your reunion, your hands only once parting from one another’s to carve your initials into its bark. you had spent hours there, making up for the time that had been stolen from the pair of you, and it became your spot. lottie had since built the compound and had grown her community in the surrounding area, wanting to cherish the meaning of it and the part it had played in bringing you back together, and it had always remained an incredibly special place for the both of you.

she found you with ease, as if on autopilot, and almost melted with concern and relief as you came into her eyeline, her intuition proving correct. she rushed towards you, feeling her heart break as she kneeled down on the ground in-front of you, discarding the way her robe became dusted with mud as she guided you into the familiarity of her embrace. your walls crumbled miserably as her warmth enveloped you, and the tips of her fingers traced your back, the last kick of encouragement the sobs previously trapped in your chest needed to break free.

“i’m right here with you, sweetheart. i’m not going anywhere, just let it out.” she soothed, coaching your breathing as you trembled in her arms, tears dampening the softness of her clothing as you pressed your face further into her neck.

“i can’t, i can’t-” your face burned, as your chest tightened and a stream of incoherent apologies and cries fought past your lips.

“it’s okay, it’s okay. just look at me.” she spoke to you with such love and softness that it made you feel like the crumpled up pieces of art of yours that she was taping back together.

“i’m sorr-“ lottie lightly guided your chin, thumb caressing your cheek as you locked eyes.

“you have nothing to be sorry for. ever. you are everything to me, and i love you, all of you, unconditionally. i’m here baby, just breathe with me.” she pressed a kiss to your forehead, lingering for just a second longer and closing her eyes as she ever so gently rocked you, knowing without hesitation exactly how you needed to be comforted, like it was natural, a language that she was fluent in but yet never had to learn.

“things may feel impossibly hard to navigate right now, but i’ll do all of it for both of us, okay? put it all on me.”

you had never felt like you deserved the goodness, and pure light that was lottie. you didn’t think you ever truly would. she taught you not only how to receive love but how to love someone else, completely and through everything. allowing yourself be so vulnerable around somebody else, and beginning to let the long standing walls you had up was a challenge, but lottie matthews has never been just somebody to you.

and although things were complicated, and painful, and messy at times, she was your flicker of hope. that you could fight it.

that you could beat it.

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender No Outbreak AU - Ch. 2

You and Joel have a conversation. A continuation of Lavender No Outbreak AU Ch. 1 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT! I'm not gonna get into detail, it's smutty guys. Just lean into it. Discussion of pregnancy. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 6.6k

Joel’s grip was so loose on you that you took your arm back and left him there, staring where you’d been standing. You went to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from a catering tray, and ducked into a bathroom. You rinsed your mouth out before sitting on the toilet lid and chugging the rest of the water, trying to make yourself take full, deep breaths and not dissolve into a state of panic. The band was still playing outside, an occasional loud laugh made its way through the walls to your little panic room. It was strange, that life was just going on for everyone else and everything had ground to a halt for you. 

You finished the water and rinsed your mouth out with the Listerine from your purse before you took a deep breath and opened the bathroom door. 

Joel was standing there, leaning against the wall next to the door, making you jump. 

“Sorry,” he said. His eyes kept drifting to your stomach. “Wasn’t trying to scare you…” 

“Let me find Cass,” you said, crossing one arm protectively in front of yourself, holding on to your elbow. “Then we can go and… Talk.” 

“Yeah.” 

Cassie knew what happened the second she saw you, her eyebrows drawing together. She pulled you into a quick hug. 

“Text me,” she said, giving you a squeeze. “Love you.” 

“Love you too,” you squeezed her back. 

 Joel opened your door for you but the drive was quiet. You chewed your lower lip and fidgeted with the hem of your sweater. 

“We could go to that coffee shop you like,” he said after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. 

“Sure,” you said, glancing at him. His jaw was tight, his hand on the wheel tense. Your stomach twisted. 

You were both silent again, your arms crossed over your stomach, covering the gnawing hollowness at the center of you. You could practically see Joel’s wheels turning and it was exactly what you didn’t want. There wasn’t a problem here for him to solve, you didn’t WANT his help, you didn’t WANT him thinking shit through. You bit your lip. 

He tried to order for you at the coffee shop but you cut him off when he started to say “iced lavender latte.” 

“Just a decaf coffee,” you said quickly. He frowned and you shrugged. “Caffeine.” 

“Right…” 

You sat down at the same table you’d been at when you’d first met him. You wondered if he remembered that, too. Probably not. 

“So you’re…” he began. 

“Yeah.” 

“And…” he paused, looking at his coffee cup on the table. He turned the paper cup in his big hand, back and forth. “And you’re sure it’s mine? It’s… it’s been a few months…” 

That stung. ‘It’s been a few months.’ Did that mean he’d moved on? At least to fucking someone else? As though it was perfectly reasonable to expect that after three years together… 

“It’s yours,” you replied. 

He took a deep breath. 

“OK,” he said, nodding slowly. “OK, we can figure…” 

“There doesn’t need to be a we,” you replied, watching him from across the table. “I’m not here because I want or need your help, Joel, I’m here because telling you is the right thing to do. But I don’t need anything from you.” 

He frowned. 

“You don’t…” 

“I don’t want your help,” you replied. “I can leave you off the birth certificate, if you want. Or we can figure something out where they visit you or you visit them when they’re big enough. Whatever you’re comfortable with. But I have a plan and I don’t need your help.” 

“What’s your plan?” He asked, still frowning. 

“I’m finishing the extra classes I’m taking this semester,” you said. “So that will be off my plate. I’m due in late March or early April - haven’t had the ultrasound yet but that’s the current estimate. I’ve got good health insurance and maternity leave at school. My expenses have been pretty low the last few years because I’ve been living with Nan so I’ve got what I didn’t spend on school in savings. I haven’t… Nan doesn’t know yet, so I might need to work out a new place to live but that’s doable and Louisa said I can stay with her for a bit if there’s a snag…”

“What do you mean if there’s a snag?” He asked. 

“Well Nan’s Nan,” you shrugged. “Don’t see her being thrilled about any of this. If she throws me out I wanted to have options…” 

“You really think she’d do that?” He looked upset. Mad, almost. “After you moved back there to take care of her…” 

“She’s going to say I’m making the same mistakes as my mother,” you said. “And she’s going to be pissed about it, I don’t blame her. Once she figures out she’s not going to be saddled with another kid she didn’t want I think she’ll warm up a bit but I’m not sure how it’s going to go before that. So I have a plan.

“Anyway, when school starts up again in the fall, Louisa’s got an in at a day care close to campus,” you said. “I’ll be able to go by on lunch…” 

“How are you going to handle medical school with a baby?” He asked. “Especially on your own?” 

“I’m not,” you laughed, looking at him like he was crazy. “Joel, medical school is off the table for now. I’m finishing the premed degree because I’m almost done with it and this semester is already paid for but medical school isn’t going to happen for years, if it happens at all.” 

“No,” he shook his head. “No, the whole… You can’t just not go…” 

“Yes I can,” you shrugged. His jaw was clenched. “Look, it’s not like it’s some big tragedy. So I don’t go to medical school, there’s one fewer doctor in the world, so what? I like teaching, I think I’m good at it. It’s fine if I’m a teacher for the rest of my life…”

“But it’s not what you want,” he was watching you. 

You shrugged. 

“Not about me anymore,” you said. “I’m not going to do what my parents did. This is my child, I love them. I’m going to put them first.” 

He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the ceiling for a moment. 

“How did this happen?” He asked, looking back at you, sounding mad again. 

“I mean, you were there for the important part of that,” you laughed a little. “Think you’d know…” 

“No,” he shook his head. “No, you were on the pill…” 

“Yeah,” you shrugged. “But it’s not 100% effective, especially when you don’t always use it right and I’ll be the first to admit I’m not as responsible as I should be when I’m away from home. I took it late a few days, missed it twice…” 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he was staring at the coffee cup in his hand on the table. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this…” 

He sounded so full of regret it made your chest hurt. You knew full well that you weren’t together anymore, that he’d never intended to have a family with you but he’d loved you once. Was having a child with you really that abhorrent of an idea?

You closed your eyes for a second and took a deep breath to keep from crying. 

“I know that,” you said, voice thick. “But this is happening. It’s not going to be like it was with Sarah’s mom. You don’t need to change anything about your life. You can never see me again if you don’t want…” 

“I’m supposed to just pretend like my kid isn’t across the country?” He asked. 

“If you want to,” you replied. “Or you can visit, like I said. I can send them to you, I wouldn’t keep them from you if you wanted to be involved. I’m just… I don’t want your money, I don’t want your time. You have no obligation to me. I made this call without you so I’m going to handle it without you…” 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said again. “It wasn’t supposed to work like this…” 

“Yeah,” you said, inches away from crying. “So you’ve said. Figure out what it is you want to do and just… I don’t know, call if you want to meet them.” 

You got up from the table before you lost control and left the coffee shop, walking back to your hotel alone. 

Monday, October 20, 2003 

“So when are you telling your grandmother?” Louisa was sitting on a lab table in your classroom as you packed up the last of your things for the day. 

“Maybe next week?” You shrugged. “I think I’ve had enough heartbreak for a few days…” 

“You really think it’s going to go that badly?” She asked. 

“Well,” you put your bag on your shoulder and took one last look around your classroom to make sure you weren’t forgetting anything. “I didn’t think telling Joel would be that bad and we both know how that one went…” 

Louisa had picked you up from the airport Sunday afternoon. The second you were in her car, you started crying, sobbing into her shoulder about everything that happened with Joel. 

“Oh Sweetie,” she put her arms around you in the airport loading zone. “It’ll be OK. I promise, it’ll be OK.” 

“And you really think your grandmother is going to go worse than that?” Louisa asked. “Because I’ll be honest, that sounded brutal.” 

“I was a dumbass,” you sighed as you went to the hall and closed your classroom behind you. “I should have known better. I went in expecting to talk to Joel, my boyfriend for some stupid reason, not my ex who had a perfectly reasonable reaction to finding out he was going to be tied to me in some way for the rest of his life.” 

“He should be so lucky,” Louisa muttered. You glared at her. “What? You’re a catch.” 

“I’m basically a step above a teen mom at this point,” you rolled your eyes. “Think we need to downgrade my stock a bit.” 

You heard a student call your name on the way out of the building. 

“Can I please do extra credit?” A junior, Amanda, ran up to you, her lab paper in her hands. “I know it’s just a B but it’s still a B and my mom is going to freak out if I don’t bring home at least an A minus…” 

“She’s going to get mad over a B?” You raised your eyebrows. She scrunched her nose and nodded. You sighed. “Well we don’t want that, do we?” You thought for a second. “Alright, here’s the deal. There are notes on that paper, fix the things that need improvement and resubmit it by the end of the week AND hang back after school on Wednesday to help me clean the lab equipment. The freshmen are doing frog dissection that day. Do both well and we’ll see how close that gets you to an A. Sound good?” 

“You’re a lifesaver,” she hugged you and you laughed for a second before patting her back a few times. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

She broke away from you and took off toward the student parking lot. You watched her go for a moment, waiting until she was out of earshot before turning to Louisa. 

“And that is the kind of mom I will not be,” you said. Louisa snorted. 

“It’s a low bar but I think you can clear that,” she clapped you on the shoulder and you laughed as you walked to the employee parking lot, opening the door with your hip. 

“I will take that…” your voice died in your throat as you froze, barely through the doors.

“Oh shit,” Louisa said, stopping beside you. “Is that…” 

“Yeah,” you breathed. 

Joel was standing there, leaning against his truck, hands in his pockets. 

“Hey, Baby.” 

***

Driving across the country alone was fucking exhausting. He felt like he could fall asleep standing up. Seeing you made it worth it, though. 

He’d stayed at the coffee shop staring at where you’d been sitting for longer than he cared to admit. He hadn’t realized you’d left at first. Thought maybe you’d gone to the bathroom or stepped outside for air or… fucking something besides just leaving. He’d have stopped you if he knew you were leaving. 

By the time he realized you were gone it felt far too late to follow you. 

You clearly wanted space. Fuck, it seemed like you wanted nothing to do with him at all. Everything you talked about, everything you laid out was just a way to make sure he wasn’t anywhere near you. Almost like you were desperate to never see him again. 

He thought about going by your hotel room - he was pretty sure he could remember which one you’d come out of when he’d picked you up - or just calling you. Repeatedly. But if you really wanted nothing to do with him, he should just leave you the fuck alone. 

So, he went home. And drank. More than he was proud of. 

How could he have done this again, to you of all people? Not that he was fucking anybody else - not that he even had the drive to fuck anybody else - but fuck, how had he not learned his goddamn lesson after Sarah’s mom? 

He and Lauren had just been having fun but the condom broke and she decided against an abortion. But she seemed to resent Joel for every second of motherhood she endured before she left. She snapped one afternoon. Sarah was five months old and had just started teething. She was crying constantly, clearly miserable and in pain, and Lauren was miserable too. 

“It’s going to be alright,” Joel tried to tell her as he held their screaming daughter. She rounded on him. 

“No, it’s not!” She snapped. “It’s not going to be OK! This is my fucking life now! Diapers and spit-up and fucking Sesame Street! There was shit I wanted to DO and it wasn’t this.” 

She was gone a week later. 

Joel didn’t want that for you. He’d refused to be the thing that ruined your life, refused to be the thing you resented. 

And yet, there he was. Drinking on his couch because he’d fucked your life up. 

He was still on the couch when Sarah came home the next morning. 

“Hey there sleepy,” she shook him awake, her head cocked to the side. “Looks like you had a fun night.” 

“Sure,” he sat up, blinking the sleep and the burgeoning hangover out of his eyes. “How was the tournament, Baby Girl?” 

“Eh, kinda crappy,” she shrugged, dropping her duffel bag on the coffee table. “We took fifth.” 

“That’s not bad,” Joel said. 

“Of ten.” 

“Well, did you have fun?” He asked. “That’s the important part.” 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “Lizzie’s mom let us rent a movie on the hotel room TV last night so I got to see the new Charlie’s Angels finally!” 

“That’s good,” he nodded. At least he had Sarah. He’d always have Sarah. 

“So,” she drew the word out and flopped down next to him on the couch. “Is she here?” 

“No, Baby Girl,” he put his face in his hands for a second, trying to wipe away the sleep. The frustration at himself. “She’s flying home today. She really wanted to see you, though.” 

She sighed. 

“What?” He asked, looking at her. 

“Nothing,” she picked at the couch cushion. 

“Sarah.” 

“I just…” She sighed again, looking at him. “I kinda hoped you guys would have figured stuff out this time.” 

He sighed. 

“We’ve been over this, Baby Girl…” 

“I know,” she cut him off. “But you’ve been pretty miserable the past few months…” 

“You could tell?” He frowned. She just looked at him, her brows raised. 

“And I bet she was, too,” she said. “I kind of thought…” She shrugged. “That if you both saw it you’d figure it out.” 

“You miss her,” Joel said. She nodded. “Yeah, me too. Think I might have screwed up a little too bad this time though, kiddo.” 

“Did you ask her?” She frowned. “If you screwed up too bad, I mean.” 

“Don’t think I can really just…” 

“Dad!” She groaned. “Come on. I’m getting kind of tired of you moping around here all the time and you’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t actually talk to her.” 

He sighed. 

“It’s a bit more complicated…” he paused. Sarah’s cell phone was pressed to her ear. “What are you doing?” 

“Calling her since you’re a chicken.” 

“Sarah!” He moved to snatch the phone from her but she leaned out of his reach. He glowered at her. She hung up the phone. 

“You lucked out,” she said smugly. “It went straight to voicemail.” 

“Probably on the plane,” he sighed. “Besides, not a phone conversation, anyway.” 

“OK,” she shrugged. “So go talk to her then.” 

“Go talk to her.” 

“Yup.” 

“Just go show up and talk to her.” 

“That’s what I said,” she replied. “Dad, you’re an idiot if you think you’re just going to magically get over her and everything is going to be OK. If you need to go talk to her then go talk to her! Maybe her plane hasn’t left yet…” 

Joel thought for a second. Sarah might just be right. He needed to talk to you - actually talk to you, where he could see you and have a serious conversation. You’d waited to talk to him in person and he’d fucking blown it. He could at least come to you. 

“She might still be at the airport,” he said, reaching in his pocket for his phone. He called Tommy. 

“Hey man,” he said quickly. “Need a favor…” 

Less than an hour later, Joel, Tommy and Sarah were hurtling into a short term parking spot at the airport, Joel barely waiting for the car to come to a stop when he jumped out. He ran to the check in counter that he’d always walked you to before and looked at the departures board. He didn’t see Syracuse. He ran up to a counter. 

“Hey!” A man protested. 

“Sorry, emergency,” Tommy waved the man off, catching up with Joel and clapping him on the shoulder. 

“Checking in?” The man behind the counter asked. 

“No,” Joel said quickly. “Flight to Syracuse, has that left yet?” 

“About an hour ago,” the man replied. 

“Shit,” Tommy swore. 

“When’s the next one?” Sarah asked. Joel looked at her. “What? It can’t hurt to ask…” 

“Tuesday morning,” the man replied. 

“Shit,” Joel swore. “How about… Buffalo?” 

“That’s in three hours,” the man said. “Only three seats left… cheapest one is $2176.” 

“Holy shit,” Tommy’s eyes went wide. “People really pay that to go to fuckin’ Buffalo?” 

“New York City?” Joel asked. “Or Boston?” 

“Look,” the man said. “At this point? You’re looking at two grand a ticket or waiting a few days to leave. Maybe both.”

“I could drive there faster than waiting until Tuesday morning,” Joel sighed. 

“So drive it,” Tommy shrugged. Joel just looked at him. “Can’t be more than, what, 20 or 30 hours? You can drive that.” 

“I can’t…” he began but Sarah cut him off. 

“It’s not like she’s across the planet, Dad,” she shrugged. “Just across the country. C’mon. Are you going to try to be happy or not?” 

He looked to his brother. 

“You OK to watch Sarah for… fuck, like a week?” He asked. 

“Some of us are actually flying and need to check in!” The man Joel cut in line snapped. 

He ignored him. 

“Sarah can move in if she wants,” Tommy smirked. “Go grovel and admit you fucked up. And see if she’ll record it, I want proof…” 

Joel barely stopped back at his house, grabbing a change of clothes and his phone charger before jumping in his truck as Sarah was still packing his bag. 

“Not going to fuck it up this time, right?” Tommy asked as he walked out the door. 

“Sure fucking hope not,” he muttered. 

He drove almost straight through, stopping just for gas and to use the bathroom. When he hit the rumble strips twice in five minutes just outside Cleveland, he pulled off at a rest stop and slept for three hours before getting back on the road again. He made it to your school an hour before students were released. 

“Joel?” You gaped at him, looking around like you were waiting on someone to let you in on the joke. You lowered your voice. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“You left before we could finish talking,” he shrugged. “Figured I’d come to you this time.” 

The woman you were with came up along side you. She looked vaguely familiar, like you’d shown him her picture once or twice. 

“Louisa I’m guessing?” He asked, extending his hand. “I’m Joel…” 

“Put that one together,” she didn’t take his hand. “You know, you wrecked my friend…” 

“Thank you for that, Louisa,” you cut her off. She fell silent. “I’ve got this.” 

She gave Joel a look before she went off to her own car. You looked back to him. 

“I don’t know that we have much more to discuss,” you said. “You didn’t need to come all this way, you can just text or call or email to let me know what you want to do….” 

“Need to talk about more than that,” he cut you off. “Let’s go somewhere.” 

“Right now?” You raised your eyebrows. 

“Didn’t drive clear across the country to wait around,” he shrugged.

“Fair enough,” you said, looking him over. “There’s a diner not far from here, pretty quiet this time of day. Follow me there?” 

He’d follow you anywhere. 

“Sure,” he said. 

Louisa was still standing outside her car when you passed her to go to your own and she stopped you, looking back at Joel with her eyes narrowed. You just shrugged at her and went to your car. Fuck, he’d really fucked up. 

He followed behind you a few miles down the road to a 50s style diner, one he’d passed when visiting you before but had never been inside. It was seat yourself and you led him to a table in a corner and he sat down but you just draped your jacket over the booth. 

“Just… two minutes,” you went to the bathroom and he watched you go. 

He felt like he should be thankful for a minute to get his shit together again before this conversation started but he wasn’t. He was just anxious to be close to you again. Fuck, how had it only been two days since he was dancing with you at Cass’ party? Hoping to figure something out that wouldn’t fuck your life up but would get you back? 

You came back to the table wiping your mouth and Joel took a second to just look at you. Fuck you were pretty. So goddamn pretty. It hit him harder every now and then, kind of out of the blue. He’d just be looking at you, enjoying you, and be reminded that - for some fucking reason - someone like you wanted him. Someone that fucking pretty, that fucking smart, that fucking kind wanted him. Didn’t make a damn bit of sense. 

It hit him like that now, your skirt gauzy and floating to your knees, the gentle curve of your throat, your lips tugging into a small smile when a little kid went running past you on their way to the bathroom, their mom in tow. 

Fuck, how had he managed to wreck shit with you? 

“Sorry,” you smiled apologetically as you took your seat across from him. You looked at him for a moment, frowning a little. “Did you drive straight through? You look… well, you look like shit.” 

“Just about,” he laughed a little. “Stopped for a bit outside Cleveland when I was pushin’ it too hard. Think I’m still hung over from when I woke up yesterday, actually…” 

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” your frown deepened, eyebrows drawing together. “Look…” 

“What can I get you?” The waitress looked like she was 19 and Joel had never been more annoyed by a teenager. 

“Decaf coffee please,” you handed her the menu. “And a water?”

“Just coffee,” Joel said, watching you. The girl left. “Not eating?” 

“Oh,” you laughed once. “Right… No, not here. Or anywhere, really, can’t hold down much of anything right now. Only thing I don’t immediately vomit back up are Clif bars. I think the guy at the camping store in town thinks I’m insane, I buy them by the dozen…” 

“Are you OK?” He frowned. He’d thought you’d looked a bit thinner and now he was sure of it, the hollow of your throat more prominent than he was used to seeing. 

“Fine,” you shrugged. “It sucks but it is what it is. Now that I’m getting into the second trimester it should get easier. If it doesn’t my doctor wants to talk about other things but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” 

Joel’s stomach twisted. He should have fucking been here, taking care of you. 

The waitress brought the coffees and the water.

“Anything else?” She asked. 

Joel had been starving a few minutes ago but not so much anymore. He handed her the menu. 

“Just this,” he said. “Thanks.” 

She rolled her eyes a bit but left. 

“So,” you put your arms on the table and cocked your head at him. “What did you drive almost 2,000 miles to talk about?” 

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “For all of it.” 

“For all of what?” You frowned. “For knocking me up? Because I was a pretty active participant in that…” 

“Sorry for just lettin’ you go on Saturday for starters,” he said. “Didn’t realize you’d gone for a bit and by then…” 

“It’s fine,” you leaned back in the booth, pulling your arms in close to yourself protectively. “I didn’t exactly expect you to come chase me down, I left for a reason.” 

“Why did you leave?” He asked. You raised your eyebrows. “It didn’t feel like we were done talkin’ and you just left…” 

“I just…” you closed your eyes for a moment. “Look, part of it is the hormones I think but I really just didn’t have it in me to sit there and listen to how much you regret this. I know it’s not ideal and that having a kid with me wasn’t what you wanted or planned but I tried to make it as easy as I can for you so you’re not stuck with me forever…” 

“That’s what you think my problem is?” He shook his head. 

“Joel, you left,” you laughed darkly. “That’s OK, I don’t hold it against you. We’re adults, most relationships don’t work out and I understand that…” 

“No, my problem is that I left so I didn’t keep fuckin’ your life up and before I did I managed to fuck it up more,” he said. 

You frowned, confused. 

“What do you mean you left so you wouldn’t fuck my life up?” You asked. “What are you talking about?” 

He took a deep, shaky breath. This was on the list of shit he’d never thought he’d tell you but circumstances had changed. 

“I couldn’t just sit there and watch you give shit up for me anymore,” he shook his head. “You were talkin’ about moving back to Austin because of me and…” 

“Because I wanted to be with you!” You gaped at him.

“And I’m not worth you givin’ up the chance at doin’ something extraordinary!” He was all but begging you to understand. “Baby, you are so goddamn smart and so goddamn dedicated, you shouldn’t live your life around where I am! I was doing nothin’ but holdin’ you back and I couldn’t let you settle…” 

“Settle?” You cut him off. “Why is doing what I want settling?” 

“Because I am not good enough for you,” he was getting more worked up than he should, he wasn’t mad at you and it was hard to remember that. “I’m not, I never went to fuckin’ college, I got stuck in the first job I could do, I am goin’ nowhere fast and that’s fine for me, alright? I got Sarah and she’s going to do something great, I can feel it, and that’s enough for me. But it’s not for you.” 

“So, what, I just don’t get a say in this?” You shook your head. “Joel, I don’t give a shit that you didn’t go to college or what you do for a living as long as you like doing it! You made me happy, I don’t care about the rest of it. You’re kind and you’re smart and you’re funny and you’re so selfless it’s almost stupid and I fucking love you! You think that’s not worth moving some shit around for? Jesus, Joel…” 

“You can’t just give up on what you want to do,” he shook his head. “You can’t…” 

“Well that’s just how it’s worked out,” you shrugged and then sighed. “Look, maybe… Maybe I’ll get there eventually. Once they’re in school full time, maybe…” 

“Move in with me,” he said quickly. 

“Joel,” you laughed and shook your head. 

“I’m serious,” he said. “Look, it’ll… it’ll do exactly what I didn’t want it to do, it’ll limit where you can go to school but you’ll still go to school…” 

“I’m not going to move in with you, Joel,” you leaned into the table again. “Be serious.” 

“I am being serious,” he replied. “Move in with me. Go to school in Texas. Do what you want to do.” 

“I am not going to saddle you with me and a kid you don’t want…” 

“Why do you think I don’t want you?” He asked. “Wouldn’t want our kid?”

“Because you left!” You looked at him like he was insane. 

“That had nothing to do with not wantin’ you, Baby,” he said. “Nothing. I told you that. If I could have moved my life to wherever you were going to school then I never would have left, I just can’t do that. Not with work, not with Sarah…” 

“What would I do there?” You asked. “Do you think any district is going to hire me part way through the school year once it’s obvious I’m pregnant? I won’t have a job, I won’t have insurance…” 

“Be a substitute teacher until you need to stay home,” he said. “I’ll take care of you, we can get married, you can be on my insurance…” 

“I’m not marrying you for the insurance, Joel,” you shook your head. “Do you even hear yourself?” 

“Yes.” 

You sighed. 

“I can’t…” you closed your eyes for a moment. “I can’t… I can’t think straight right now. You’re not thinking straight right now, you haven’t slept in, what, two days?” 

“Something like that,” he said. “But my thinkin’ is fine.” 

“I need to think,” you shook your head. “I just… I need some space, OK? I have to figure this out.” 

He nodded slowly. That made sense. He didn’t want you to need space, he wanted to figure this out right that second, wanted to hold you and touch you and have you know that it was going to be OK because he was going to make it OK. But he was asking a lot of you. Space made sense. 

“I’ll try and get a room at the usual place,” he said, remembering the hotel he usually stayed at when he came to visit. Your grandmother disliked him enough, he didn’t really like trying to fuck you under her roof. Jesus, she was really going to hate him now. “But I’m not leavin’ until we get something figured out. Not goin’ anywhere.” 

He got a room and immediately passed out, making sure his phone would ring if you called before going face down into the pillows, not even bothering to get under the covers or take off his shoes. 

“Joel!” 

The sound of your voice jerked him out of the near coma he’d fallen into. He had no idea what time it was or where your voice was coming from. 

“Joel!” You called again. “Which room is yours?” 

He blinked the sleep from his eyes and scrambled for the door, yanking it open and jumping  into the walkway outside. Hours must have passed, it was dark outside. You were standing in the parking lot below. It had started raining and you looked soaked. 

“Up here!” He called, going to meet you. 

“No, stay put,” you called, going for the stairs. He met you there, anyway. You were breathless, hair and sweatshirt - the one he’d bought you when you’d graduated college - dripping wet. “Sorry, I probably should have called…” 

“Don’t need to call,” he put his arm around you and led you to his room. He sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to get you to sit beside him but you ignored him, pacing instead. “What’s going on?” 

“Do you still have feelings for me?” You asked, fidgeting with the sleeves of your sweatshirt. 

“Thought that’d be pretty obvious given the cross country road trip,” he laughed once. “But yeah, Baby. I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anything else aside from Sarah. And that’s close.” 

You nodded, still pacing. 

“And you wouldn’t…” You looked up at the ceiling, like you were searching for the words. “I don’t know, resent me? If I lived with you? If you ended up with a kid you don’t want?” 

“Oh, Baby,” he said softly. You were so uncertain it made his heart ache. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever met that I want to have kids with.” 

You stopped pacing and crossed your arms over your stomach. 

“Really?” You asked quietly. 

He got up and stood in front of you, your eyes glassy as you looked up at him. 

“Really,” he nodded. “The fact that you’re having my baby… that’s the opposite of a problem for me. I just can’t be the thing that fucked your life up, I love you too much for that…” 

You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him then, pressing your lips against him with a ferocity he wasn’t expecting. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you tightly against him, the cold rain dripping from your sweatshirt soaking into his skin. He didn’t care. He wanted you closer, needed to be as close to you as he could get. 

He pulled you back toward the bed and tugged your leg up on his hip as he sat down. You sank onto his lap, arms draped over his shoulders as his tongue pressed into your mouth, feeling you, tasting you. 

Joel tugged at your sweatshirt and you leaned back enough to pull it up and over your head and you did the same with his t-shirt. He looked down at you as he unclasped your bra. Your jeans were held closed with a hair tie. He frowned. 

“Oh,” you laughed a little. “Yeah, I… I kind of forgot about that. Like none of my pants fit as of a few days ago…” 

He slipped your bra from you, your flesh pebbled from the cold, and ran his hand down your body, his palm flat against you, until he reached the swell between your hips. He carefully opened your pants, casting the hair tie aside, and cupped the small bump at the base of your stomach. 

“So that’s our baby, huh?” He said softly, reverently. You pressed a kiss into the top of his head. 

“Yeah,” your voice was a little thick. “We made that.” 

He looked at you there for another moment, trying to wrap his mind around it. His baby, inside you. Something the two of you did together, even if you hadn’t meant to. 

He kissed you again, holding you close to him, your skin on his own. He wrapped his arms around you so he could pick you up and he lay you on the bed, pulling your wet jeans and underwear down your body, casting them aside on the floor, before pulling his own off, too.

Joel opened your thighs, looking down at your slick sex, running a thumb over you, making you shudder. He lay between your legs, kissing down from your belly button, pressing his lips against the place where his child was inside you, continuing down until his mouth was on your clit, making you gasp. 

He gently sucked the swollen nub, teasing it lightly with his tongue. You moaned, your fingers twisting in the sheets. He looked up your body, your head thrown back in pleasure, and smiled against you before moving lower, slipping his tongue inside your entrance. You ground your hips against him then, his nose working against your clit. 

“Sorry,” you stilled, your hips tensing. “I just…” 

“Don’t you dare apologize for taking what you want,” he said, pulled back just far enough from you that he could talk. “Want you to cum for me, want to give you whatever you need to cum for me.” 

He pressed his tongue into you again, his nose working your clit as he opened you. He added a finger below his tongue, spreading you open as your body got tighter and tighter around him, You started rocking your hips against his face again and he moaned at it, at how needy he made you. He slipped his free hand below you to tug you tighter to his mouth, thrusting his tongue deeper and you gasped as you came around him. He worked you through your orgasm before he slipped his finger from you and kissed back up your slit, settling between your thighs. He took the hand that had been inside you and stroked himself with it, spreading the precum over his tip, mixing with your wetness, making him slick. He notched the head of himself against you and trailed his fingers gently through your hair as he looked down at you as you panted for breath. Your eyes were wide, pupils blown. 

“Marry me,” he said, his voice needy. 

“Joel,” you whimpered. 

He kissed you and started sinking into your wet heat, so tight and velvety soft. You rocked your hips against him, pulling him deeper until he was fully within you. He pulled his lips far enough back from you that he could speak, his nose trailing over your cheek. 

“Marry me,” he said again. 

“You don’t mean that,” you were panting below him. “You’re… you’re just…” 

“Should’ve asked you years ago,” he pressed his forehead to yours, his cock buried deep inside you. “Marry me. I love you, want to spend my life with you, want you to be my wife. Marry me, Baby…” 

“OK,” you looked in his eyes. “I’ll marry you.” 

He kissed you again, starting to move inside you, your walls tight around him, like you were trying to hold him as close to you as you could. You wrapped yourself around him and clung to him, his arms sliding beneath you to cradle you tightly against him, the whole of you against and around him as you came, your pussy throbbing around his cock until he fell apart, too. 

He collapsed and rolled onto his side, still holding you close, still deep inside you. 

“We’ll figure it out, Baby,” he said softly. “We’re doing this together.” 

“You’re sure?” You asked, eyes searching his own.

“I’m sure, Mrs. Miller,” he smiled a little. “I’m damn sure.” 

[hpdrizzle]

🌈 HP Drizzle 2023 Reveals🌧️

✨ The day has finally come! Reveals are happening right now! Hold onto your umbrellas and don't let the storm of applause for our talented creators blow you away! ☂️

HP Drizzle 2023 has some lovely numbers for you. We had:

⚡ 26 Fics ⚡ 6 Arts and Crafts ⚡ 1 Collab ⚡ And 1 Podfic

🌈 Which adds up to 34 lovely and mind blowing works!

A big thank you goes out to everyone who participated this year, and everyone who read, commented and sent kudos. A fest doesn't work without every single one of you.

Please enjoy the works below, and make them timeless classics as many Drizzle works before 💜

The mods of 2023 say thank you and good bye @crazybutgood @curlyy-hair-dont-care @ladderofyears @candybarrnerd @gnarf

🌈 HP Drizzle Art 🌧️ 

☔ Right Path In The Rain [T, Digital Art ] @burnedwithpointlesspurpose

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Ginny Weasley 💧 Weather: Rainy  ☔ Summary: Draco's been working hard on keeping things on the right path. It's been years since the war and he's fought to find himself through it. Part of the disovery being he has absolutely no problem sharing his umbrella with one Ginevra Weasley, and everything that comes with it.

☔ What to do When it's Sunny Outside [G, Digital Art] @shiaya21

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy / Theodore Nott 💧 Weather: Sunny ☔ Summary: Theo and Draco has a very different idea on what to do when it's sunny outside. Digital Comic.

☔ [ART] summer slipped us underneath her tongue [T, Digital Art] @getawayfox

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Sunny ☔ Summary: It’s a tropical paradise until Harry forgets the sun cream. Draco is not impressed.

☔ Forgotten @acydpop

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape 💧 General Audience, Traditional Art: watercolors, inks, acrylic, and colored pencils on 7.75" x 9.95" mixed media paper. 💧 Weather: Sunny ☔ Summary: Before, I used to be your whole world, now, I’m nothing more than a stranger in your eyes. Why have you forgotten me and not anybody else?

☔ Dark [G, Digital art] @smr7k4

💧 Pairing: Scorpius Malfoy 💧  Weather: Cloudy ☔ Summary: They've always been able to look up and see the constellations that bore their family's names moving in constant patterns across the sky, but tonight, there are clouds. That's definitely a metaphor for something.

☔ Things we don’t mean (we say it outright) [Not Rated, Digital Art] @legendrarry

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Sunny, Rainy, Stormy ☔ Summary: While on a stakeout, an accident causes Draco's mood to connect with the weather, which then leads to mild panic infused rain, anger fueled thunderstorms, white lies and blooming flowers, and heated words clashing against rainbows that gives fourth to all that Draco Malfoy is, and all that he hides behind his facades. Harry's a whole lot endeared by it, and just a little bit in love as well.

🌈 HP Drizzle Fic and Art🌧️

☔ Thunderstruck [E, 8653, Digital ] @andithiel @fictional

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy  💧 Weather: Stormy  ☔ Summary: Professional Quidditch players Malfoy and Potter have been at each other’s throats since they became teammates. When things get ugly during a thunderstorm, their captain is so fed up she’s ready to kick them off the team if they don’t solve their differences, by any means possible.  There’s really only one way this can end, right?

🌈 HP Drizzle Fic 🌧️ 

☔ You are here [G, 1092] @evadne01

💧 Pairing: Ginny Weasley & Percy Weasley  💧 Weather: Stormy ☔ Summary: Percy was on his evening patrol when he heard someone crying.

☔ Rainfall Reverie, or Toad, the Wet, and a Locket [T, 5379] @astridastrolabe

💧 Pairing: Oliver Wood/Ron Weasley 💧 Weather: Rainy ☔ Summary: When a rain inconsistently causing amnesia settles over Aberdeen, Oliver Wood finds his cozy life with his partner, Ron Weasley, turned inside-out. A story of trust, of discovery, and being loved for who you are.

☔ Here Comes The Sun [G, 1905] @miss-grimwood

💧 Pairing: Narcissa Black Malfoy/Lucius Malfoy 💧 Weather: Sunny ☔ Summary: Narcissa Black was a ray of sunshine. Then she grew up, and became cold and withdrawn. She never expected Lucius Malfoy to melt the ice.

☔ A Summer's Day [T, 1,817] @midnightstargazer

💧 Pairing: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks 💧 Weather: Sunny ☔ Summary: A love story that begins on an artificial summer's day in January and ends with a tearful farewell beneath the unforgiving August sun.

☔ In Their Winter Den [T, 2,899] @sandervansunshine

💧 Pairing: Theodore Nott/Blaise Zabini 💧 Weather: Snowy ☔ Summary: Theo aimed his wand at the wall and gathered more lights around the twinkling little bear. “Do you want a story or a song?” “Surprise me.”

☔ Snowflakes [E, 21,097] @orange-peony

💧 Pairing:  Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Regulus Black/James Potter 💧 Weather: Rainy ☔ Summary: The first time Sirius meets Remus, it’s in the wrong place at the wrong time. The second time they meet, it’s two weeks later. Two weeks that Sirius has spent thinking about green eyes and elbow patches and that charming smile that he wishes he had captured on camera, because he’s starting to forget it and it’s killing him.

☔ Hooligans [T, 3082] @patriceavril

💧 Pairing: Molly Weasley & Gideon Prewett & Fabian Prewett, Molly Weasley & Weasley family 💧 Weather: Snowy ☔ Summary: Molly plays in the snow with her children and remembers her brothers.

☔ Letters In the Rain [G, 3274] @theblinddreamer215

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape 💧 Weather: Rainy ☔ Summary: Harry Potter’s always hated the rain, though perhaps certain events make him change his mind.

☔ Unbuttoned [E, 2402] @ashiiblack

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape 💧 Weather: Rainy ☔ Summary: Due to the change in weather, Snape starts leaving a few top buttons on his robe undone. It drives Harry crazy.

☔ Weathering Malfoy [T, 6,806] @drarrymyheart

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Rainy, Stormy ☔ Summary: The war is over and all Harry wants is a normal year at Hogwarts. But he hadn’t counted on hanging out with Draco Malfoy and liking it. Not to mention Malfoy’s bizarre obsession with the weather. Or is there something else behind Malfoy’s odd behaviour?

☔ Scream If You Wanna Go Faster [E, 21,458] @lagerloutfic

💧 Pairing: Scorpius Malfoy/James Sirius Potter 💧 Weather: Sunny, Stormy ☔ Summary: James leaned forward to blow out the candles and for a brief moment their eyes met. Scorpius felt it like an arrow to his chest. His breath hitched as people cheered and the smoke from the candles climbed to the ceiling. “You’re going to ruin him.” Albus said, nipping at Scorpius’s shoulder. Scorpius sighed, “It would be fun to try.” Scorpius and Albus are determined to have one last hurrah before their summer ends. Featuring, ratbag twinks, progressive parenting with Harry Potter, the homoeroticism of sportwear, the dance floor as a love language and birds.

☔ A Work Trip to Spain [E, 1443] vitruvian8008

💧 Pairing: Victoire Weasley/Blaise Zabini 💧 Weather: Rainy, Stormy ☔ Summary: Victoire Weasley had been looking forward to lounging on the beach during her work trip to Spain. When a thunderstorm strikes, she ends up at the bar spending the evening with Blaise Zabini. Little did she know how it would progress.

☔ Worth It [M, 1392] @goddess47

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Severus Snape 💧 Weather: Snowy ☔ Summary: Winter was hard. Harder than he ever expected. He was used to being alone. He never expected to be lonely.

☔ Weak In The Eyes [E, 7724] @burdenedwithpointlesspurpose

💧 Pairing: Ron Weasley/Harry potter 💧 Weather: Rainy, Stormy ☔ Summary: Setting out for a night on the town, Harry was happy regardless of the possible hang ups which included torture and weather. He wanted to spend some time with his boyfriend that wasn’t just hanging out at home like the mates at heart they are. It’d been a while since they’d done something special, work dragging Ron down into a low state of mind. Thankfully, it does turn out special. Whether that’s in a good or bad way, he supposes is left up to interpretation and mood.

☔ Blame It on the Heat [E, 1500] @maraudersaffair

💧 Pairing: Scorpius Malfoy/Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Sunny ☔ Summary: Scorpius can't handle the heat. He also can't handle seeing Harry Potter parading about without a shirt.

☔ Try, Try Again [E, 5353] @hey-flynn

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Hugo Weasley  💧 Weather: Stormy  ☔ Summary: Hugo confesses his love to Harry twice, on very similar nights. The results, however, were incredibly different.

☔ With This Ring [E, 13370] @nightfalltwen

💧 Pairing: Sirius Black/Nymphadora Tonks 💧 Weather: Rainy ☔ Summary: A lineage spell on 12 Grimmauld requires one thing. To continue the line of the house of Black. That needs to start with a marriage to make the line legitimate.

☔ Post-war roses [T, 3.500] fast_brother

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/ Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Stormy, Rainy ☔ Summary: Draco is going to Azkaban tomorrow.

☔ Fall on the Earth [Explicit, 13,622 ] @dodgerkedavra

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Stormy ☔ Summary: Harry Potter hates being separated from Draco Malfoy. Not because he's in love with him, for Merlin's sake! Because they're Auror Partners. One time is all it takes for Draco to be attacked with an illicit potion. Until it wears off, Harry's job is taking care of his partner. Harry thinks the effects of the potion can't possibly be as serious as Robards says. He thinks wrong.

☔ The Doe Between Us [G, 11468] @shewhomustnotbenamed

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter  💧 Weather: Rainy, Snowy  ☔ Summary: Draco's teaching career is taking off alongside his friendship with Harry Potter. The rain that had endured all of summer time turns to snow as the winter solstice comes nearer, and the two of them spend a few chilly nights in the Forbidden Forest.

☔ Right as Rain [E, 12674] @maybebabyplease

💧 Pairing: Harry Potter/Draco Malfoy 💧 Weather: Rainy, Stormy ☔ Summary: For Harry Potter, post-war life is boring, lonely, and insomnia-inducing. When Professor Trelawney makes another prophecy, this time about his love life, Harry dreads going out in the rain for fear of running into his soulmate. He'll weather the storm, though, every time he can find a good reason to visit Draco Malfoy at the potions shop where he works. Malfoy's practically always in that potions shop, safe from the rainy English weather. Will they ever run into each other outside, exposed to the elements? Maybe even...in a rainstorm?

☔ Down to the Wood [G, 3079] @nanneramma

💧 Pairing: Severus Snape & Luna Lovegood  💧 Weather: Foggy  ☔ Summary: There is something about the early morning light that is good for revelations: Severus and Luna might have more in common than he'd thought.

☔ Hermione Granger and the Year of Events [T, 2268] @caiti-creative-corner

💧 Pairing: Hermione Granger/Theodore Nott  💧 Weather: Sunny, Rainy, Windy, Snowy  ☔ Summary: Hermione is getting ready for her wedding and she's having it at Hogwarts after watching her friends deal with the unpredictable weather.

☔ Take This Heart (And Make It Whole Again) [T, 12,974] @mugsdontlie

💧 Pairing: Dudley Dursley/Gregory Goyle  💧 Weather: Snowy  ☔ Summary: A few years have passed since the Battle of Hogwarts, and Gregory Goyle has been trying to be a better person every single day ever since.  When he’s forced to take a holiday trip north to prevent burnout, he meets a mysterious stranger who helps him open up and let some happiness into his heart again.  Or: two former bullies being snowed in together

☔ Who we are when no one is watching [T, 15216] @uncannycerulean

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter  💧 Weather: Rainy  ☔ Summary:  Draco Malfoy has a good Ministry job, a bad reputation, and an even worse office. The latter is much improved when he stumbles upon a magical window. But much more than just giving him an office with a view, the window forces Draco to confront his own life choices and step out of his comfort zone.

☔ May All Your Christmases Be White [T, 16725] @slyth-princess

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter  💧 Weather: Snowy  ☔ Summary: It is impossible for Draco to deny the inherent festivity that Christmas brings. From Yuletide carols to fairylights, evergreens festooned with baubles in a rainbow of colors to pub nights with friends wrapped in their warmest coats. There is a level of hope that the season always seems to bring, even when life is at it's darkest. All around him are the things making the spirit of the season. People are happy.  At least, that's what he assumes. At this point, he doesn't know. For him, the holidays have not always proved to be a merry season.  What Draco does know, without any doubt, is there is one thing Christmas always needs to feel like the holiday has truly arrived. And that one thing is snow. Although, over time, he realises there is one other thing that he has begun to associate with Christmas, something he needs for the holiday to feel real. Harry Potter.

🌈 HP Drizzle Podfic 🌧️

☔ Only Happy When It Rains by Pineau_noir - a Podfic [T, 1:29:25] @cailynwrites

💧 Pairing: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter 💧 Weather: Rainy ☔ Summary: Weather-Be's, the up-and coming business of Draco Malfoy, guarantees* perfect weather for your event! If you need warm sunshine, Weather-Be's will provide it. If you want atmospheric fog, we can make that happen. We have a 100%** success rate at giving you the weather you want. *guarantee invalid if Harry Potter is in attendance **success rate drops to 97% when Harry Potter's attendance at events is counted

[lantanasmuttyfanfics]

Hi, I read what you wrote And I love it!

Can you write about Lizzie Hearts x Alistair Wonderland? The theme would be after Lizzie's party, and she feels bad because Wonderland was confined for so long, that her feelings for Alistair are not worth it because he was with Bunny for so long.

Happy late Halloween guys!! Tell what you did!Personally I went to this party one of my guy friends was hosting and it was sooo much fun. He really out did himself

Anyway I think I have to make a post with commissions I will not be taking anymore because honestly they kinda just dk how to write them

Hope you enjoyed and have a great dayy!!

————————————

“Why are you out here all on your own?”

Lizzie jumped as Alistair sat next to her, a small frown on his face as he looked between her and the door to the main room.

She didn’t know how to answer him. She didn’t exactly think she could be honest. Not when her guilt was eating away at her.

“I- just for a breather.”

It really was strange looking at Alistair. And Bunny. They’d been separated for so long that there were days when Lizzie forgot the exact shade of his eyes.

On those days the panic set in. She was supposed to be the next queen of hearts. The one who protected Wonderland and its people.

And yet she failed her two best friends. When everyone else got out she still remembers the look on Bunny and Alistairs face as the gate sealed.

The fear, panic, horror.

It kept her awake more than she’d like to admit yet she couldn’t help it. And worst of it was her own feelings.

A little while before the curse she’d realized something. Realized that maybe she viewed Alistair as more than just friends.

And it frightened her. Especially when she saw the way that Alistair and Bunny acted with each other. It already seemed like they were dating.

And Lizzie supposed it made sense. They been trapped in a cursed land alone, together with no one but each other for comfort.

Obviously they’d grow extremely close. Even for a relationship. And it made her feel terrible knowing she had feeling for a taken guy.

“Lizzie?”

“Hmm? Sorry just zoned out for a second.”

“… everything alright. You seemed off at the party.”

“Yeah yeah! I’m perfect. Umm anyway how are things going with Bunny.”

Lizzie held her breath as he gave her a strange look before turning back around. It seemed like he was trying to solve her words as if they were a puzzle.

“Good I guess? She seems well adjusted.”

“Great! Yes umm that’s great, I’m glad.”

“So am I…”

Silence fell over them as Lizzie wished the ground would just swallow her whole and bury her embarrassment.

“You know… I think I forgot the color of your eyes all that time in Wonderland.”

She held her breath as Alistair leaned closer, his eyes jumping all over face before briefly, for such a small second she thought she imagined it, they landed on her lips.

“Sounds silly when I say it. I did see your mother nearly everyday.”

Lizzie bummed her lips unconsciously falling apart as she leaned into him, so close her senses consumed by him.

“Not really. I think I forgot your eyes too.”

Her words were a whisper and she stared down at his lips, her eyes fluttering briefly to his face, only to find him staring back.

If she leaned just a little closer they would- no what was she thinking! He had a girlfriend! A girlfriend who was sitting just behind those doors.

Suddenly jumping apart, Lizzie blinked as she got to her feet, her mind dizzy with emotions she couldn’t comprehend.

“Lizzie-?”

“My guests are waiting for me. I umm- it’s best if you go back to your girlfriend too.”

She didn’t wait long enough to hear him ask ‘what girlfriend’ or long enough to see the look on his face before she entered the room head held high.

Only for her to meet the large eyes of Bunny.

——————————

Honestly November is going to be a super busy month for me so I’m not sure how much time I’ll have for writing meaning that fics may be a little bit short

Anyway my birthday is coming up and soooo excited I’m throwing a really big party which is a first bc this is like the first time in forever that my birthday falls on a weekend

Hope you enjoyed and have a great dayy!!

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

queen of cups, seven of wands, and ace of swords

they say the masculine holds power over the eyes

and the feminine receives information through the ears

the divine masculine has the wisdom to use both

and the divine feminine knows how to become both

this formula does make for a bit of chaos to solve

you need time and energy and some balance

of the forces at work and at play and in shadow

when I don't trust a situation I just stop looking

figure out the quickest way to escape without a fuss

it's easier to accept the reality into my heart

but become blind to the reality in front of me

that means I can still move forward logically

and not let my emotions distract me

I can deal with them later alone and scream

into a void where no one can hear me

a healer does the best she can with what she has

she's not magical but knows how to make things work

in an effortless way so she can provide comfort to others

people feel safest when the leader is in charge

except, of course, when there are two leaders

of different kingdoms clashing over past wars

she doesn't look at which warrior is in front of her

she just looks at the wounds and accepts the severity

you can't heal what you don't identify and accept

and when it's time to amputate it's a process

the patient needs something to bite

so they don't bite their tongue off

you need to explain things in a way

that doesn't send them into panic before the pain does

no matter how you prepare for it the pain always comes

but it's nice to get the kids out of the room before the agony starts

songs always say that pain is the only thing that's real

and if you don't feel that pain it stays in the body

and confuses the soul and enrages the heart

they say fear is the heart of love and I know it well

some people fear pain more than they fear love

and I've never felt the same

in realizing that I feared love more than I feared pain

I can now understand my actions and instincts

why I sabotaged things and how I misunderstood everything

I know I am often more fun in theory than true intimacy

but I'm here and this is me and my eyes are clearing

from the blur of tears I kept them in to mourn

something I've always wanted but felt just out of reach

I even accepted it was completely gone

they say the true challenge of love is loving someone

even if they don't love you back and I was nailing it

and while I don't feel like an idiot always grasping for it

nor do I regret any of my efforts and feelings I expressed

man is it a fucking feeling when you realize you weren't

exactly singing and dancing alone in the dark

it wasn't even dark and all these emotions

feel more naked and vulnerable than flesh

luckily my superpower is reactive adjustment

the natural law of Darwin tells us that it's not the strongest

or the quickest or the cleverest of the animals

that always survive to the play the game of life well

but the creatures who are chronic survivors are the most

accepting and inventive when dealing with change

anyways, it's a plot twist I convinced myself wasn't happening

but it's here and at the end of everything it's all the same

in the hypersurface plane of the present moment

when I send myself to dreams I'll be recalibrated

refreshed in energy and all those biology type things

reality is before me and I will accept what I see

at very least it will make great poetry

at the very most I won't have to sleep to dream