#the things that Louis is having to put up with in Australia I swear

[faithinlouisfuture]

If I was Louis I’d tell them to fuck off

I’m so annoyed lol as if Harry would stop to take pics with the fans in the first place 😭

It’s funny how this person is referring to them as louies, just say larries. Larries will never be louies. No matter how hard they want to, harries sure but never louies. Embarrassing.

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Five

Louis answered the facetime call grinning at the man across the screen still in a bed.

"Happy birthday and Merry Christmas Eve. Have you opened your presents yet?"

"No thought I would wait for you to wake up,  but I do have the gifts here along with the one with two bows which I'm assuming is my Christmas Eve present."

"Yes, it is. The very thin one is last altogether and the big cube is first."

"Everything else doesn't matter?"

"Not really however if you'd rather do the Christmas eve present first and let it start up while you open the rest then make sure to open the cube second. I bought myself one and it took a few minutes to start up so."

"It's too big to be a phone."

"Very observant."

"You do know I have a laptop right?"

"A broken laptop."

"Harold."

"Just come on and open it. I got it for a lot of reasons."

"Well, I already know what it is now." Louis told him

"Just shut up and open your Christmas Eve gift. Its Christmas I'm allowed to buy you expensive things." Harry said

"You bought me a Samovar."

"Please." Louis sighed heavily as he grabbed the gift, he looked at Harry who was grinning

"Where are you anyway? It's not the bus is it?"

"No, I'm in my LA home. The others are sleeping at a hotel though I offered them rooms here." Harry said

"You're alone on Christmas?" Louis asked stopping his unwrapping momentarily to look at Harry. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but he frowned and looked off camera before looking back at Louis after a second.

"No, my family is here. I'm trying to be quiet so they think I'm asleep otherwise they'll come in here. Well, go on then open it." Louis ripped the wrapping paper and shot Harry a glare when the box revealed the newest MacBook.

"Harold-"

"No, before you complain listen. This will give us better angles for video calls."

"Our phones worked just fine."

"Just shut up and take it." Louis shook his head as he stared at Harry. Harry with his long curly hair pulled into a bun, his pearl necklace laying against his bare chest, his little stubble on his jaw. His soft smile and soft eyes.

"So the cube next?" Louis asked looking away from Harry

"Yes. The cube." It was heavy in it's own way despite its medium size. He tore the gift open and froze when he saw the team logo.

"Wait..seriously?" Harry chuckled grinning as Louis grabbed the shadow box holding a signed ball from the entire Doncaster Rovers team, "Harry."

"I only paid for the shadow box, I know a lot of the players so when I told them my boyfriend is a huge fan the offered to sign a ball for me to give to you."

"Harry this is incredible. I can't open the rest Haz I won't be as excited now."

"Louis trust me it gets better." Louis put the shadow box to the side and grabbed another box placing it on his lap. Opening the box he pulled out four jerseys, two for home games, and two for away games. One set was for Doncaster and the other for Manchester. The third gift was two sets of five lanyards for the Manchester and Doncaster stadiums giving them access and free drinks and food in a VIP box.

"Harry.. but wait why five?"

"I'll be home near the middle of the season." Louis looked at Harry grinned, he bought the phone screen to his lips and kissed him making Harry laughed.

"One more. Is the MacBook set up?" Louis glanced at the MacBook then started to finish setting it up. "Open the last one and play it."

"Harry, I swear if you make me cry." Louis said as he grabbed the thin square package. He already knew it was a cd which meant a personalized playlist, a cheesy montage of their time together, or something along those lines, and honestly, Louis wasn't ready for either of those options.

"I am going to let you listen to it alone and I will take a shower and eat breakfast then we can talk in about two hours?"

"Alright." Harry leaned in to the screen and kissed the lens making Louis laugh. The facetime ended so Louis focused on the gift revealing the cd and placing it in the CD tray. He clicked on the pop up then pressed play turning the volume up.

"I know you don't want us to say the L-word until we meet for the first time. So I wrote something that I hope will express my feelings for you as strongly and clearly as I can and um... this might give away who I am, but I'm not scared about that. I've been trying to find a way to tell you for a few weeks now since you fell asleep on our facetime call in Australia. So I um... I hope you like it I guess and if you do find out who I am and if you need a few days to think about what being in a relationship with me would involve then let me know. If you come to a decision of ending things just know that I trust you and I'm sorry and I completely understand why you would decide that. If you still want to be with me then great and we can talk more on the depth of everything like if you want to be public about our relationship or not. Whatever you want. Alright.. before I say the word you don't want me to I'm going to stop this and let you listen. Bye." Louis laughed at his awkward boyfriend shaking his head as a soft piano came over the speakers.

"If I could fly I'd be coming right back home to you I think I might Give up everything just ask me to Pay attention, I hope that you listen Cause I've let my guard down Right now in completely defenseless

For your eyes only I'll show you my heart For when you're lonely And forget who you are I'm missing half of me When we're apart Now you know me For your eyes only."

Louis closed his eyes to keep his traitorous tears back. Harry's voice was raw, but sounded beautiful and Louis had a hard time focusing on what he was singing. He did recognize the voice, he knew he has heard it on the radio quite a few times, but he was terrible at remembering names. He knew that once he actually knew who Harry was he'd feel pretty damn stupid, but right now he couldn't think of anything. Louis replayed the song five times before it the lyrics finally sunk in and Louis understood this was Harry telling Louis that he Loved him with a capital 'L'.

Like he was completely in and completely gone for Louis. Louis would be lying if he said the thought didn't terrify him, but he felt the same way about Harry. He had fallen when Harry had answered a facetime with the widest grin, completely shirtless, and a towel wrapped around his waist. HIS WAIST. Not his hips like a normal person, his waist which meant his towel had stopped pretty high on his thighs. But Louis hadn't even noticed that until after he had completely fallen for his dimples and open mouth smile and his wet hair and his perfect complexion. Louis was pretty sure he had stopped breathing for a minute only to stop breathing again when Harry had straightened up and Louis had noticed his towel situation.

Nothing had been revealed, but still, it was the principal of things. Harry had perfect thighs and it was rude. How dare he just answer a facetime looking like a god while Louis had been wearing a stained holey band shirt and stained sweats with pizza sauce on the corner of his mouth. He had been tempted to break up with him because of it. Of course, he had talked himself out of it, but the thought had lingered in his head for a few seconds.

****

Two hours later Louis escaped to his room and accepted the facetime request. Harry was outside this time, but he was looking off-camera at someone.

"Mom. I love you, but please leave now."

"What if you need me?"

"Mom go away," Harry said

"But what if he's mean to you."

Mom. I'm 21 and I've been talking to him for months."

"Remember the last Doncaster boy you liked? He took your number and never texted you."

"I was 14 mom, I wouldn't have texted me either. Now go away."

"Fine. I'll be inside if you need me." Harry turned to the phone with a soft blush on his cheeks

"You had another Doncaster boy? Should I be worried?" Louis asked

"No, it was 2009 and at a battle of the bands. He was a singer in this band."

"Wait...shut up...2009 battle of the bands?" Louis asked sitting up straighter

"Yeah, why?"

"No fucking way. What was the guy's band name?" Louis asked not able to believe it

"Band name? I don't know it was...seven years ago. Rogue something I think or maybe something Rogue."

"Shut up."

"What?" Harry asked amused

"That was my band. The Rogue. We met before Harry."

"No."

"Yes. Me mom has the picture we took together in one of the photo albums back home in Donny."

"You're shitting me. We snogged that day."

"We snogged in the toilet stall after you peed on me. The first time." Louis told his embarrassed boyfriend making him even more embarrassed as he buried his face in his arms.

"Oh my god. Please stop talking now." Louis laughed even harder as he thought back to 2009, "wait didn't we meet again? At the script concert?"

"We did. We met up in the toilets. I think you were leaving when I was coming in."

"Fucking hell." Harry said shaking his head

"Then again that summer when I was on holiday and again in 2010 at the X Factor auditions."

"No."

"Yes. We have met four fucking times already." Louis said as he remembered Harry again

"Well after eight years I finally get your number." Harry said making Louis blush

"Well, I can explain. The first time I never actually saved it. I typed it, but I forgot to save it so when I tried to text you I couldn't. Then after the concert, I was actually struggling with coming out and being comfortable with it all. The holiday I still hadn't come out so I sort of ignored you then we didn't exchange numbers at the auditions. I left early anyway so I never actually auditioned."

"What? Why not? Louis, you should have auditioned. I remember you having an amazing voice."

"And lose to you? No thanks. Talk about a busted ego." Harry shook his head smiling as he laid his chin on his hand

"I actually didn't win. When you get to the Live Shows they give you this new contract to sign in case they want to sign anyone who doesn't win. A lot of the other contestants warned me about bad labels and what they can do and that they could closest someone. I was already being labeled and branded as a lady's man at 16 on that show. I refused to sign the contract and they organized my elimination three weeks later. Simon tried to talk me out of it a lot, but I refused and told my mom I didn’t want to be forced into a five to ten-year closet. Six months later Sony got a hold of me and told me that I would be able to coke out whenever I wanted, but until then they did want to promote me as straight which I was fine with. Luckily it had to wait until I was 18 so when I turned 18 they had me date Taylor Swift. I'm not out publicly yet, but I just never really had a reason to come out."

The first thing that popped into Louis' head was "Harry Styles"  but that was insane because Harry was...like...18 and had a mop of curls. He did not have tattoos or long hair nor was he 21 turning 22. Louis was positive he had just turned 18 last year.

"That's good that you were warned and was able to escape before you were legally straight."

"Yeah, it is. A little upset I will never know if I would have won or not, but I guess having my first album get platinum within a week was proof enough that I would have at least made top 5."

~~~~~

Harry had gotten Niall an expensive whiskey that Niall was excited about and a limited edition Baccarat Louxor Bar Set. Liam got a $100 tattoo voucher for the local parlor he liked and some Manchester footie merch signed as well like Louis'. Zayn got some expensive hair care products as well as a $100 (my keyboard doesn't have the pound symbol so sorry about the American dollar) tattoo voucher. For someone who only knew a few things about his roommates he did amazing and they were all excited about everything.

Louis had gotten more gifts from all of the places Harry has been. Some more sweaters, a Japanese dragon jacket that felt expensive and warm. A rice cooker with a side note to follow the instructions causing Louis and the lads to laugh. Harry also bought Louis a Royal Copenhagen complete set which almost made Louis cry. Having a complete Royal Copenhagen set was every tea lover's dream, if they're lucky they are able to collect a few tea cups, but it was rare to get a complete set.

In the last box, Louis opened it revealed a large lilac sweater that was something Louis wouldn't usually wear until he pulled it out. The smell was of a tropical scent mixed with an expensive earthy cologne. That meant the sweater was Harry's along with the other sweaters that were folded neatly into the box. A white Aran turtle neck sweater, a black hoodie with a rose embroidery, and under that was a note over another hoodie reading, "unreleased merch". When Louis pulled out the black hoodie it had "Treat People With Kindness" written in rainbow embroidery across the chest. The last one was a light pink sweater with Harry on the chest and then the same quote on the arm.

"Wait.. your boyfriend sent you Harry Styles merch? You've got to be kidding me." Liam said grabbing the black hoodie from Louis

"What?" Louis asked

"Treat people with kindness. This is Harry Styles' merch, it's like his slogan, his brand." Liam said

"Really?" Louis asked, "isn't he like..17?"

"What? No, he's 21 Louis. He was 17 in 2011." Zayn said as he looked at the hoodie, "I haven't seen this one yet."

"21..and when is his birthday?" Louis asked

"The first of February." Niall told him Louis nodded and grabbed his phone going to the safari app and googling Harry Styles.

Sure enough there he was with long hair and tattoos and extremely long legs. There were also modeling pictures and paparazzi pictures of him at airports and fan pictures. Louis went on Instagram and went to Harry Styles' profile and saw many pictures of the countries landscapes and landmarks he had visited the past few months. One of the posts was a picture of Louis' teddys on Louis' shelf in his bedroom wall that he got just for them. The caption read, "Dating 101 - buy them cheesy €5 souvenirs" Louis made his profile private then commented, "and the sweaters that still smell like you."

[dailytomlinson]

It was the morning after our staff Christmas party that I got on the horn to Louis Tomlinson.

While the entire office was munching on bacon and egg rolls and chugging coffee to revive themselves, I was in the studio, eagerly awaiting a call from the UK to chat to my favourite member of One Direction (yep, you read that correctly).

You see, unlike most folks who occasionally whack on ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ during road trip karaoke or follow Harry Styles on Instagram to stay up to date with his dazzling wardrobe, I have been a true 1D stan since day dot: X Factor.

As soon as the band was pieced together, punters began choosing their faves, most of them picking Harry and don’t get me wrong, he’s an absolute lord (I’ve literally travelled to another country to see Harry live, I’ve had his album(s) on repeat since their release and I have tons of his merch), but I was instantly enchanted by the quiet, brooding, eldest member of the band and as their popularity skyrocketed, so, too, did my love for Louis.

I guess it’s a combination of his sleek style, his dreamy eyes plus the fact that he’s sassy (his public feuds have rightfully earned him the name ‘Sass Master of Doncaster’) and also has a ‘yuge heart and loves his fans unconditionally.

So naturally when the band went on hiatus, I followed Louis’ career like a hawk and, my fellow Louis stans, our time has finally come ‘coz 2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

Let me repeat that louder for the people in the back:

2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

The excitement in his voice is palpable as he discusses his debut studio album Walls which drops on January 31, 2020.

“I’m quite big on lyrics, it’s important for me to be honest and real and, at times, vulnerable,” he says of the album.

“My fans already know a lot about me but hopefully I can bring them an album that shows them another side.”

This ~other side~ includes personal yarns and tales from Louis’ life as he explains that he draws inspiration “from my life events.”

“There were times in the past where I tried to write in a fictional sense, and there are a couple of songs on the album like that, but mostly I find it easier to write autobiographically.”

He adds, “Things happen to you and sometimes it might seem mundane but it makes you feel a certain way and it’s worth writing about.”

If you haven’t already listened to his latest singles, first of all what the heck is wrong with you? Second of all, go give them a listen and you’ll know exactly what he means by writing autobiographically.

He says his newest single ‘Don’t Let It Break Your Heart’ is “something that I’m definitely really proud of.”

“It’s a song trying to invoke hope, it’s about seeing the glass as half full as opposed to half empty and no matter what life throws at you, don’t let it break your heart.”

I then point out that he has a lot of positive, inspirational, anthemic bops under his belt and I ask if this is intentional.

“I think so,” he responds. “You always want to write lyrics that are relatable and inspiring, and I think songs like the song I did with Steve [Aoki] ‘Just Hold On’, it’s got the same kind of vibe of hope. I think it’s a pretty cool topic.”

He then talks me through my personal favourite, ‘We Made It.’

“It’s kind of about two things because we started out with just the title and what it meant to me in that moment was me picturing our first show of the tour and all the hard work it took me to get there and with the fans, it’s a collective, we made it here together, and that’s how the song started out,” he says.

Directioners will be happy to know that Louis doesn’t shy away from name-dropping his bandmates and when I ask him to talk me through the best moments from the past decade, he literally lists three 1D-centric mems.

“When we first got put together as a band, that was a magical moment,” he says.

“We didn’t know each other that well and we went through that whole journey together, so that was pretty special.”

“When we played Madison Square Gardens in New York, that was a pretty memorable one. All of our families came down to watch.”

And finally, “We were lucky enough to play at the Olympics which was definitely one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had, definitely.”

Speaking of performing with 1D, Louis’ forthcoming trip to Australia will be his first without his bandmates and he is, as he put it, “proper excited to come back.”

“The gigs [in Oz] are always incredible and also for any Brit, it’s the ultimate dream to travel to Australia.”

But punters who have been lucky enough to see a One Direction show in their lifetime should expect a very, very different vibe from Tomlinson now that he’s flying solo (~obviously~).

“It’s not going to be a massive production with any gimmicks, it’s just going to be pretty straightforward. Just a good live show focusing on music and hopefully we’ll have a good night.”

Going from touring with his besties to being on the road by himself (and the backing band, of course) is bound to be a huge adjustment that Louis plans on easing into.

“I like creating normality [on the road], I just like to be sat with mates chatting, listening to music and then head out onto stage.”

He also gave me this lil tidbit about his travelling style, which should come as no surprise to the die-hards.

“I’m notoriously a really bad packer, I always leave with not enough clothes and not enough things that I need.”

But while he’s often short a pair of sneakers or a sweater or two, he always makes sure to pack the essentials.

“I like to take tea bags with me on tour. You can’t get a good cup of tea everywhere so it’s important to travel with your own.”

Which prompts me to ask about his thoughts on our tea Down Under.

“It’s good, yeah! It’s good,” he assures me.

So now that we’ve discussed what 2020 will look like for him (including starting his sophomore album in the second half of the year!), along with his highlights from the last decade, I’m eager to know what his plans are for the next decade.

Brace yourselves for the response…

“Fucking hell, I’m not that good at thinking far ahead,” he immediately quips. Legit, there’s nothing I love more than when celebs drop an F word in an interview. It shows that they’re not doing the super-polished, media-trained thing and they’re happy just being themselves.

Frankly, if Louis didn’t swear in the interview, I would’ve been convinced that he’d been abducted by aliens and replaced with a cyborg. But you’ll be happy to know that in our nine-minute convo, he swore a grand total of three times which is a great score, IMO.

But anyway, back to the question at hand.

“Hopefully still making music, still making albums. My intention is to get better as a songwriter with every album, so hopefully still making music and still touring.”

We wrap up our good old chinwag with a message to his fans, particularly the Aussies who he’ll finally be treating to his angel voice when he plays the Big Top in Sydney and the Palais Theatre in Melbourne in April.

[louistomlinsoncouk]

It was the morning after our staff Christmas party that I got on the horn to Louis Tomlinson.

While the entire office was munching on bacon and egg rolls and chugging coffee to revive themselves, I was in the studio, eagerly awaiting a call from the UK to chat to my favourite member of One Direction (yep, you read that correctly).

You see, unlike most folks who occasionally whack on ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ during road trip karaoke or follow Harry Styles on Instagram to stay up to date with his dazzling wardrobe, I have been a true 1D stan since day dot: X Factor.

As soon as the band was pieced together, punters began choosing their faves, most of them picking Harry and don’t get me wrong, he’s an absolute lord (I’ve literally travelled to another country to see Harry live, I’ve had his album(s) on repeat since their release and I have tons of his merch), but I was instantly enchanted by the quiet, brooding, eldest member of the band and as their popularity skyrocketed, so, too, did my love for Louis.

I guess it’s a combination of his sleek style, his dreamy eyes plus the fact that he’s sassy (his public feuds have rightfully earned him the name ‘Sass Master of Doncaster’) and also has a ‘yuge heart and loves his fans unconditionally.

So naturally when the band went on hiatus, I followed Louis’ career like a hawk and, my fellow Louis stans, our time has finally come ‘coz 2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

Let me repeat that louder for the people in the back:

2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

The excitement in his voice is palpable as he discusses his debut studio album Walls which drops on January 31, 2020.

“I’m quite big on lyrics, it’s important for me to be honest and real and, at times, vulnerable,” he says of the album.

“My fans already know a lot about me but hopefully I can bring them an album that shows them another side.”

This ~other side~ includes personal yarns and tales from Louis’ life as he explains that he draws inspiration “from my life events.”

“There were times in the past where I tried to write in a fictional sense, and there are a couple of songs on the album like that, but mostly I find it easier to write autobiographically.”

He adds, “Things happen to you and sometimes it might seem mundane but it makes you feel a certain way and it’s worth writing about.”

If you haven’t already listened to his latest singles, first of all what the heck is wrong with you? Second of all, go give them a listen and you’ll know exactly what he means by writing autobiographically.

He says his newest single ‘Don’t Let It Break Your Heart’ is “something that I’m definitely really proud of.”

“It’s a song trying to invoke hope, it’s about seeing the glass as half full as opposed to half empty and no matter what life throws at you, don’t let it break your heart.”

I then point out that he has a lot of positive, inspirational, anthemic bops under his belt and I ask if this is intentional.

“I think so,” he responds. “You always want to write lyrics that are relatable and inspiring, and I think songs like the song I did with Steve [Aoki] ‘Just Hold On’, it’s got the same kind of vibe of hope. I think it’s a pretty cool topic.”

He then talks me through my personal favourite, ‘We Made It.’

“It’s kind of about two things because we started out with just the title and what it meant to me in that moment was me picturing our first show of the tour and all the hard work it took me to get there and with the fans, it’s a collective, we made it here together, and that’s how the song started out,” he says.

Directioners will be happy to know that Louis doesn’t shy away from name-dropping his bandmates and when I ask him to talk me through the best moments from the past decade, he literally lists three 1D-centric mems.

“When we first got put together as a band, that was a magical moment,” he says.

“We didn’t know each other that well and we went through that whole journey together, so that was pretty special.”

“When we played Madison Square Gardens in New York, that was a pretty memorable one. All of our families came down to watch.”

And finally, “We were lucky enough to play at the Olympics which was definitely one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had, definitely.”

Speaking of performing with 1D, Louis’ forthcoming trip to Australia will be his first without his bandmates and he is, as he put it, “proper excited to come back.”

“The gigs [in Oz] are always incredible and also for any Brit, it’s the ultimate dream to travel to Australia.”

But punters who have been lucky enough to see a One Direction show in their lifetime should expect a very, very different vibe from Tomlinson now that he’s flying solo (~obviously~).

“It’s not going to be a massive production with any gimmicks, it’s just going to be pretty straightforward. Just a good live show focusing on music and hopefully we’ll have a good night.”

Going from touring with his besties to being on the road by himself (and the backing band, of course) is bound to be a huge adjustment that Louis plans on easing into.

“I like creating normality [on the road], I just like to be sat with mates chatting, listening to music and then head out onto stage.”

He also gave me this lil tidbit about his travelling style, which should come as no surprise to the die-hards.

“I’m notoriously a really bad packer, I always leave with not enough clothes and not enough things that I need.”

But while he’s often short a pair of sneakers or a sweater or two, he always makes sure to pack the essentials.

“I like to take tea bags with me on tour. You can’t get a good cup of tea everywhere so it’s important to travel with your own.”

Which prompts me to ask about his thoughts on our tea Down Under.

“It’s good, yeah! It’s good,” he assures me.

So now that we’ve discussed what 2020 will look like for him (including starting his sophomore album in the second half of the year!), along with his highlights from the last decade, I’m eager to know what his plans are for the next decade.

Brace yourselves for the response…

“Fucking hell, I’m not that good at thinking far ahead,” he immediately quips. Legit, there’s nothing I love more than when celebs drop an F word in an interview. It shows that they’re not doing the super-polished, media-trained thing and they’re happy just being themselves.

Frankly, if Louis didn’t swear in the interview, I would’ve been convinced that he’d been abducted by aliens and replaced with a cyborg. But you’ll be happy to know that in our nine-minute convo, he swore a grand total of three times which is a great score, IMO.

But anyway, back to the question at hand.

“Hopefully still making music, still making albums. My intention is to get better as a songwriter with every album, so hopefully still making music and still touring.”

We wrap up our good old chinwag with a message to his fans, particularly the Aussies who he’ll finally be treating to his angel voice when he plays the Big Top in Sydney and the Palais Theatre in Melbourne in April.

“Massive thank you for your patience and your support. I’m so excited to release the album. I’m as excited, if not more, to come and see everyone on tour so thanks for your love and I’ll see you on tour.”

Final tickets for Louis Tomlinson’s debut Australian tour are available now via livenation.com.au.

[elceeu2morrow]

By Matt Galea  18/12/2019

It was the morning after our staff Christmas party that I got on the horn to Louis Tomlinson.

While the entire office was munching on bacon and egg rolls and chugging coffee to revive themselves, I was in the studio, eagerly awaiting a call from the UK to chat to my favourite member of One Direction (yep, you read that correctly).

You see, unlike most folks who occasionally whack on ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ during road trip karaoke or follow Harry Styles on Instagram to stay up to date with his dazzling wardrobe, I have been a true 1D stan since day dot: X Factor.

As soon as the band was pieced together, punters began choosing their faves, most of them picking Harry and don’t get me wrong, he’s an absolute lord (I’ve literally travelled to another country to see Harry live, I’ve had his album(s) on repeat since their release and I have tons of his merch), but I was instantly enchanted by the quiet, brooding, eldest member of the band and as their popularity skyrocketed, so, too, did my love for Louis.

I guess it’s a combination of his sleek style, his dreamy eyes plus the fact that he’s sassy (his public feuds have rightfully earned him the name ‘Sass Master of Doncaster’) and also has a ‘yuge heart and loves his fans unconditionally.

So naturally when the band went on hiatus, I followed Louis’ career like a hawk and, my fellow Louis stans, our time has finally come ‘coz 2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

Let me repeat that louder for the people in the back:

2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

The excitement in his voice is palpable as he discusses his debut studio album Walls which drops on January 31, 2020.

“I’m quite big on lyrics, it’s important for me to be honest and real and, at times, vulnerable,” he says of the album.

“My fans already know a lot about me but hopefully I can bring them an album that shows them another side.

”This ~other side~ includes personal yarns and tales from Louis’ life as he explains that he draws inspiration “from my life events.

“There were times in the past where I tried to write in a fictional sense, and there are a couple of songs on the album like that, but mostly I find it easier to write autobiographically.”

He adds, “Things happen to you and sometimes it might seem mundane but it makes you feel a certain way and it’s worth writing about.”

If you haven’t already listened to his latest singles, first of all what the heck is wrong with you? Second of all, go give them a listen and you’ll know exactly what he means by writing autobiographically.

He says his newest single ‘Don’t Let It Break Your Heart’ is “something that I’m definitely really proud of.”

“It’s a song trying to invoke hope, it’s about seeing the glass as half full as opposed to half empty and no matter what life throws at you, don’t let it break your heart.”

I then point out that he has a lot of positive, inspirational, anthemic bops under his belt and I ask if this is intentional.

“I think so,” he responds. “You always want to write lyrics that are relatable and inspiring, and I think songs like the song I did with Steve [Aoki] ‘Just Hold On’, it’s got the same kind of vibe of hope. I think it’s a pretty cool topic.”

He then talks me through my personal favourite, ‘We Made It.’

“It’s kind of about two things because we started out with just the title and what it meant to me in that moment was me picturing our first show of the tour and all the hard work it took me to get there and with the fans, it’s a collective, we made it here together, and that’s how the song started out,” he says.

“And then in the verse you have to add a bit more of a story so we’re talking about me going to visit my girlfriend at the university halls while I was on tour with the boys, so I was going off that dynamic.”

Directioners will be happy to know that Louis doesn’t shy away from name-dropping his bandmates and when I ask him to talk me through the best moments from the past decade, he literally lists three 1D-centric mems.

“When we first got put together as a band, that was a magical moment,” he says.

“We didn’t know each other that well and we went through that whole journey together, so that was pretty special.”

“When we played Madison Square Gardens in New York, that was a pretty memorable one. All of our families came down to watch.”

And finally, “We were lucky enough to play at the Olympics which was definitely one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had, definitely.”

Speaking of performing with 1D, Louis’ forthcoming trip to Australia will be his first without his bandmates and he is, as he put it, “proper excited to come back.”

“The gigs [in Oz] are always incredible and also for any Brit, it’s the ultimate dream to travel to Australia.”

But punters who have been lucky enough to see a One Direction show in their lifetime should expect a very, very different vibe from Tomlinson now that he’s flying solo (~obviously~).

“It’s not going to be a massive production with any gimmicks, it’s just going to be pretty straightforward. Just a good live show focusing on music and hopefully we’ll have a good night.”

Going from touring with his besties to being on the road by himself (and the backing band, of course) is bound to be a huge adjustment that Louis plans on easing into.

“I like creating normality [on the road], I just like to be sat with mates chatting, listening to music and then head out onto stage.”

He also gave me this lil tidbit about his travelling style, which should come as no surprise to the die-hards.

“I’m notoriously a really bad packer, I always leave with not enough clothes and not enough things that I need.”

But while he’s often short a pair of sneakers or a sweater or two, he always makes sure to pack the essentials.

“I like to take tea bags with me on tour. You can’t get a good cup of tea everywhere so it’s important to travel with your own.”

Which prompts me to ask about his thoughts on our tea Down Under.

“It’s good, yeah! It’s good,” he assures me.

So now that we’ve discussed what 2020 will look like for him (including starting his sophomore album in the second half of the year!), along with his highlights from the last decade, I’m eager to know what his plans are for the next decade.

Brace yourselves for the response…

“Fucking hell, I’m not that good at thinking far ahead,” he immediately quips. Legit, there’s nothing I love more than when celebs drop an F word in an interview. It shows that they’re not doing the super-polished, media-trained thing and they’re happy just being themselves.

Frankly, if Louis didn’t swear in the interview, I would’ve been convinced that he’d been abducted by aliens and replaced with a cyborg. But you’ll be happy to know that in our nine-minute convo, he swore a grand total of three times which is a great score, IMO.

But anyway, back to the question at hand.

“Hopefully still making music, still making albums. My intention is to get better as a songwriter with every album, so hopefully still making music and still touring.”

We wrap up our good old chinwag with a message to his fans, particularly the Aussies who he’ll finally be treating to his angel voice when he plays the Big Top in Sydney and the Palais Theatre in Melbourne in April.

“Massive thank you for your patience and your support. I’m so excited to release the album. I’m as excited, if not more, to come and see everyone on tour so thanks for your love and I’ll see you on tour.”

Final tickets for Louis Tomlinson’s debut Australian tour are available now via livenation.com.au.

SAT APR 25 – BIG TOP, SYDNEY

MON APR 27 – PALAIS THEATRE, MELBOURNE

[hlupdate]

It was the morning after our staff Christmas party that I got on the horn to Louis Tomlinson.

While the entire office was munching on bacon and egg rolls and chugging coffee to revive themselves, I was in the studio, eagerly awaiting a call from the UK to chat to my favourite member of One Direction (yep, you read that correctly).

You see, unlike most folks who occasionally whack on ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ during road trip karaoke or follow Harry Styles on Instagram to stay up to date with his dazzling wardrobe, I have been a true 1D stan since day dot: X Factor.

As soon as the band was pieced together, punters began choosing their faves, most of them picking Harry and don’t get me wrong, he’s an absolute lord (I’ve literally travelled to another country to see Harry live, I’ve had his album(s) on repeat since their release and I have tons of his merch), but I was instantly enchanted by the quiet, brooding, eldest member of the band and as their popularity skyrocketed, so, too, did my love for Louis.

I guess it’s a combination of his sleek style, his dreamy eyes plus the fact that he’s sassy (his public feuds have rightfully earned him the name ‘Sass Master of Doncaster’) and also has a ‘yuge heart and loves his fans unconditionally.

So naturally when the band went on hiatus, I followed Louis’ career like a hawk and, my fellow Louis stans, our time has finally come ‘coz 2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

Let me repeat that louder for the people in the back:

2020 is going to be THE year of Louis Tomlinson.

The excitement in his voice is palpable as he discusses his debut studio album Walls which drops on January 31, 2020.

“I’m quite big on lyrics, it’s important for me to be honest and real and, at times, vulnerable,” he says of the album.

“My fans already know a lot about me but hopefully I can bring them an album that shows them another side.”

This ~other side~ includes personal yarns and tales from Louis’ life as he explains that he draws inspiration “from my life events.”

“There were times in the past where I tried to write in a fictional sense, and there are a couple of songs on the album like that, but mostly I find it easier to write autobiographically.”

He says his newest single ‘Don’t Let It Break Your Heart’ is “something that I’m definitely really proud of.”

“It’s a song trying to invoke hope, it’s about seeing the glass as half full as opposed to half empty and no matter what life throws at you, don’t let it break your heart.”

I then point out that he has a lot of positive, inspirational, anthemic bops under his belt and I ask if this is intentional.

“I think so,” he responds. “You always want to write lyrics that are relatable and inspiring, and I think songs like the song I did with Steve [Aoki]‘Just Hold On’, it’s got the same kind of vibe of hope. I think it’s a pretty cool topic.”

He then talks me through my personal favourite, ‘We Made It.’

“It’s kind of about two things because we started out with just the title and what it meant to me in that moment was me picturing our first show of the tour and all the hard work it took me to get there and with the fans, it’s a collective, we made it here together, and that’s how the song started out,” he says.

“And then in the verse you have to add a bit more of a story so we’re talking about me going to visit my girlfriend at the university halls while I was on tour with the boys, so I was going off that dynamic.”

Directioners will be happy to know that Louis doesn’t shy away from name-dropping his bandmates and when I ask him to talk me through the best moments from the past decade, he literally lists three 1D-centric mems.

“When we first got put together as a band, that was a magical moment,” he says.

“We didn’t know each other that well and we went through that whole journey together, so that was pretty special.”

“When we played Madison Square Gardens in New York, that was a pretty memorable one. All of our families came down to watch.”

And finally, “We were lucky enough to play at the Olympics which was definitely one of the proudest moments I’ve ever had, definitely.”

Speaking of performing with 1D, Louis’ forthcoming trip to Australia will be his first without his bandmates and he is, as he put it, “proper excited to come back.”

“The gigs [in Oz] are always incredible and also for any Brit, it’s the ultimate dream to travel to Australia.”

But punters who have been lucky enough to see a One Direction show in their lifetime should expect a very, very different vibe from Tomlinson now that he’s flying solo (~obviously~).

“It’s not going to be a massive production with any gimmicks, it’s just going to be pretty straightforward. Just a good live show focusing on music and hopefully we’ll have a good night.”

Going from touring with his besties to being on the road by himself (and the backing band, of course) is bound to be a huge adjustment that Louis plans on easing into.

“I like creating normality [on the road], I just like to be sat with mates chatting, listening to music and then head out onto stage.”

He also gave me this lil tidbit about his travelling style, which should come as no surprise to the die-hards.

“I’m notoriously a really bad packer, I always leave with not enough clothes and not enough things that I need.”

But while he’s often short a pair of sneakers or a sweater or two, he always makes sure to pack the essentials.

“I like to take tea bags with me on tour. You can’t get a good cup of tea everywhere so it’s important to travel with your own.”

Which prompts me to ask about his thoughts on our tea Down Under.

“It’s good, yeah! It’s good,” he assures me.

So now that we’ve discussed what 2020 will look like for him (including starting his sophomore album in the second half of the year!), along with his highlights from the last decade, I’m eager to know what his plans are for the next decade.

Brace yourselves for the response…

“Fucking hell, I’m not that good at thinking far ahead,” he immediately quips. Legit, there’s nothing I love more than when celebs drop an F word in an interview. It shows that they’re not doing the super-polished, media-trained thing and they’re happy just being themselves.

Frankly, if Louis didn’t swear in the interview, I would’ve been convinced that he’d been abducted by aliens and replaced with a cyborg. But you’ll be happy to know that in our nine-minute convo, he swore a grand total of three times which is a great score, IMO.

But anyway, back to the question at hand.

“Hopefully still making music, still making albums. My intention is to get better as a songwriter with every album, so hopefully still making music and still touring.”

We wrap up our good old chinwag with a message to his fans, particularly the Aussies who he’ll finally be treating to his angel voice when he plays the Big Top in Sydney and the Palais Theatre in Melbourne in April.

[thepencilnerd]

- 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐭 - 2

➳ Part 1  || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4

➳ Pairing: Jaebum x Reader

➳ Summary: AU! After taking a gap year from college to pay for your tuition, you felt like your life was finally back on track- until you met him. What happens when life doesn’t go the way you intended it to? What happens when you find out that your anchor is just as broken as you are?

➳ Genre: AU, fluff, angst, friends to lovers

➳ Word Count: 2k

➳ Warnings: Swearing, awkward first encounters? 

♪ Winter Aid- The Wisp Sings 

a/n: Masterlist & links to other parts can be found @ my main URL

“That’ll be $4.65, please.” Swiping the credit card against the machine, I typed in an order for a caramel macchiato with an extra shot of espresso. 

Working at the on-campus coffee shop was probably the only good thing that had happened this year, and I only had my counselor to thank. 

The schedule for this semester was pretty simple. Working for 2 hours in the morning at the café had allowed me to fit afternoon classes into the day, which left me with half an hour for lunch and half an hour to tutor some classmates while eating lunch. Three times a week, I had evening classes that lasted until 10 at night, but the remaining two days of the week allowed me to have some free time to study and relax or tutor more classmates. 

It was exhausting, but it was better than the situation I was hurled into last year. With my parents unable to support or aid me financially, I decided it was best to take a year off to save up for tuition fees and re-evaluate my entire life. After saving enough money for a two semester’s worth of school, I had a talk with my counselor about what scholarships and certificates I was eligible to apply for. 

All I had to do semester was stay focused, steer clear of all distractions, and pray to the high heavens that the end-of-year exam scores would prove to the teachers and school board that I was eligible to receive a late scholarship. 

If last year had taught me anything, it was that life was a bitch to live. This year was going to be different. It was going to be. It had to be. 

Taking off my apron and throwing on a jacket, I quickly said goodbye to my co-workers before leaving for my philosophy class. I wondered if it was okay to miss today’s lecture since the TA was subbing and I was pretty good friends with him, but I realized that I didn’t have anything better to do and would be better off going. A month into the semester and I already felt too comfortable for my own good. Nothing had ever come easy in my life, so why did the universe all of a sudden decide to take a turn for the best? 

Shaking off the thought, I couldn’t help but admire at the outside weather. Closing my eyes, I took it all in; the smell of fresh petrichor on the concrete, the soft trickle of water droplets as they hit the shop’s patio cover, and the delicate fog that had enveloped and rolled over the entire campus grounds. Looking at the people walking around with umbrellas, my focus shifted to a red umbrella across the road. 

A couple dressed in matching beige coats and scarves were grasping the handle together, looking into each other’s eyes with an air of complete harmony. My smile quickly dissipated, however, realizing that a broken person like me might never feel anything or find anyone like other people. Almost as instantly as I had spotted the couple, the two walked off and reminded me that I was probably late for class. 

Throwing on my hood and shielding my eyes, I sprinted across the wet cement and felt like a maniac as I laughed heartily, enjoying the feeling of the cold air and rainwater on my face. Getting drenched in rain was probably one of my favorite childhood activities, and none of my friends really understood why I kept doing it even when I got sick. 

Once I got to the classroom, I was relieved that I made it on time and early enough to grab a good seat at the front. I couldn’t escape the few jokes that came from my friendly familiar classmates. 

“If you get me sick before midterms, I’m going to kill you,” one said in an overdramatic and ominous. 

“Did you lose your umbrella again?” another asked. 

“I’ll buy you a matching pair of boots and a raincoat for your birthday, Y/N!” one more cheered. 

Giving them the finger and smiling at the familiar playful banter I missed so much, I grinned, realizing that I was finally getting my old life back. 

“Maybe she left it at home with her report card from last semester.” 

The room went dead silent. I was on good terms with everyone and appreciated a good joke occasionally, but all of my classmates knew where the line was. This particular person, however, did not. 

Turning my head slowly towards the nasal voice that spoke, I squinted at a pip-squeak excuse of a girl who couldn’t possibly be bigger than a yard sale Christmas decoration. She was sat in the middle row of the room and went from intimidating cheerleader to quaking chihuahua as soon as my eyes caught hers. 

“What?” she stuttered, trying desperately to fake confidence in her tone. Newbie, my brain automatically identified. “You—you all know why she had to take time off last year. It’s not my fault everyone’s been spreading rumors about her tuition fees and parents—”

Before she could utter another word, I stomped over the staircase array of desks and placed my hands firmly onto the table in front of her, fists clenched and knuckles turning white. 

“You want to know why I took a gap-year?” I asked vacantly, not for the sake of getting an answer. “Because I couldn’t afford it.”

“Burberry and a Louis Vuitton?” I inquired, gesturing to the coat hung on her seat and bag under her chair. “I’m not exactly ‘well off’ like you. My family can barely make enough money to put food on the table, and yet you seem like you have more than enough to burn.” 

She quivered and gulped as she tried to pry her eyes away from mine. 

“We’re not in middle school anymore; let’s stop acting like it.” Lowering my head so that I was eye-to-eye with her, I stared at her head on before speaking. “I may not be rich, but at least I don’t look the way that I am on the inside.” 

Gathering my stuff, I quickly texted the TA and said that I had a family emergency come up. He replied telling me that he didn’t have a lecture planned and that I wouldn’t miss anything, so I responded with thanks and walked back outside. 

The rain had stopped, but it was still freezing cold. Against my better judgment, I decided to do what I always did when I needed to clear my head; go onto the roof. The rooftop of the main building was kind of my secret hideout. The few people who knew about it were some of the art majors who would come up very rarely to sketch and take pictures of the mini garden that grew there. Other than that, no one really ever went up there. The only downside was that the rooftop was accessible solely through the back stairs. 10 flights of stairs, may I add.

Huffing and puffing up to the door, I opened it to find the rooftop just as beautiful as ever. Flowers of all kinds lined the planter boxes and string lights hung from the side poles, mimicking the setting of a fancy restaurant. The lights never turned on though, and I couldn’t remember if I’d ever seen them lit at all. I tossed my bag onto the ground and found my usual spot near the roses. The wind was blowing just enough so that the scent of the freshly bloomed and still-damp flowers wafted towards me. 

Outlooking onto the campus below, I sighed. 

“Hey, mom and dad...” I spoke quietly as I stared into the gloomy but bright sky.

Looking down at a rose petal that had fallen onto the dirt, I picked up it up and stroked the colored fauna. “Are you guys having fun in the Bahamas? Australia? Cancun? Maybe Mexico?”

A gust of wind blew across my face that made me close my eyes, and it was immediately followed by a rustling noise that came from behind me. 

“Who’s there?” I asked, standing up. 

A familiarly shaped figure arose from behind one of the rose bushes. Stretching out his arms and letting out a yawn, the random field boy from the first day of school was now standing clearly in front of me. 

“Who are you?” I looked at his similar choice of simple attire, noticing his white shirt and pair of distressed jeans that coincidentally mirrored your outfit. 

“Good morning to you too,” he greeted while yawning again. 

The boy simply chuckled, his deep tone causing a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. “Im Jaebum. A pleasure to meet you.” Extending his hand, I shook it cautiously. 

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N—” The second that I replied and his hand enveloped mine, he pulled me close into his chest. 

What the fuck is wrong with this dude

Observing his features up close, attractive would have been an understatement. His eyes were the darkest shade of brown I had ever seen, while his angular features gave him an edge that only animated characters possessed. To top it all off, I counted seven individual piercings that decorated his ears. 

I snapped back into reality when I noticed that I had been staring much longer than what was considered normal and shoved him abruptly off of me. He simply smirked. 

“You’re that girl who saw me on the field, right?” he asked softly, taking slow but deliberate steps back to me, trying to close the distance between us.

Of all the times I was able to compose myself and structure my sentences, my throat felt as dry as the Sahara Desert. 

“Yeah,” I somehow managed to reply. 

“You’re a lot taller than I originally thought you were...” he admitted quizzically, circling me and examining my physical features. I sat down forcefully, crossing my arms over my chest and scowling slightly at his perverse nature. 

I decided to take charge of the situation. “What are you doing up here?” 

Jaebum kept his distance and sat two-arms lengths away from me, likely sensing my discomfort. “I just like coming up here sometimes. It helps me clear my head.”

Although I admired his relatable and honest answer, I still held back. 

“Do you come up here often?” he asked this time. 

Nodding my head yes, I also told him about my rooftop therapy sessions. A slightly awkward silence began to grow between us. With neither of us willing to compromise and start the conversation up again, I stood up before Jaebum stopped me. 

“That was a night feat you had before class today.”

I turned my head towards him so quickly I almost pulled a neck muscle. “Oh. You saw that?” 

He laughed, flashing a perfect white smile. “I didn’t really realize it until that night on the football field, but we’re in pretty much all of each other’s classes.”

“Oh...” Thinking over it, I must have made an expression of confusion because Jaebum immediately began explaining. 

“I sit behind you during French 103? We worked on a project during the first semester of physics. I’m in the same major as you, so I hope you don’t think I’m a stalker or anything. I never see you, and you never see me. We’re both kind of invisible, right?” he admitted, fidgeting slightly with his hands in whenever he would try to think of sentences. 

“I guess you could say that...” I mumbled. 

“How about we be invisible together?” he asked while smirking and shooting me a wink. 

I scoffed. 

Oh. Of course, he had to be that kind of guy. 

“Uh, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t do—” I chuckled awkwardly while trying to think of the word. “—that.” He looked at me confused, wondering what message I was trying to convey when I outlined a circle with my hands. 

Time to come clean and do what you do best, Y/N.

“Partying and going to clubs with friends? Smoking so much that you feel like your lungs might collapse any second? Staying out until 4 in the morning and drinking so much that the hangover the next day makes you want to throw up, crawl into a hole and die?”

Jaebum was silent, eyes magnetized at my brutally honest tone. 

“I don’t deal with any of that, but above all of the stupid and dumb shit a college kid can do? I don’t do that,” I repeated, drawing the circle again. “I don’t do hook-ups. I don’t mess around with guys or let them mess around with me and waste my time. I don’t go out with anyone for the sake of just ‘having fun’ and most importantly, I don’t date. Sorry to get your hopes up.”

Getting up from my sitting position, I grabbed my back and turned to Jaebum once more, his widened eyes and appalled expression telling all. 

“I’ll see you around in class.” I waved him goodbye and smiled, jogging down the stairs before he could reply.

Don’t you dare think about his smile, Y/N

He’s not any different.

No stupid decisions.

No reckless choices.

No broken promises.

And absolutely no falling in love.

[outroshooky]

a morning’s vignette (five o’clock) | kth

⇢ genre: oneshot (artist!au) (fluff, a touch of angst)

⇢ pairing: kim taehyung x reader

⇢ word count: 2.2k

⇢ a/n: written for the one and only @lolnxcole. love you, tapioca dearest!!

It’s 5:13am, and Kim Taehyung finds himself sitting cross-legged outside his neighbor’s house, the scattered dew from the grass staining his jeans as he hunches over a moleskine journal and sketches furiously.

It’s early, too early for the rest of society to awaken on this lovely Monday morning, but deep in the heart of summer, and thus the world is illuminated in hues of scarlet and tangerine, the sky streaked with merigold and cider and coral in a celestial masterpiece worthy of the likes of Monet. He notes how the glow frames the houses around him, the fences and trees and stirrings of this residential block, and no matter where he looks, it takes his breath away. It reminds him of Rembrandt, he thinks; the supernal mastery of light and shadow will never cease to stun him.

As much as color defines how he sees the world around him, he misses how subtly it influences others’ perception of him. His tawny bangs are tucked neatly under a backwards snapback, splatters of vermillion dart their way up his forearms to meet chartreuse and periwinkle, inky lines curl around the toes of his worn canvas low-tops. His oversized shirt is soft white cotton, but it might as well be a canvas all unto its own. There’s a mauve stain in the faint shape of Australia on the left sleeve, mahogany and medallion like archipelagos and atolls, and Taehyung smiles at the memory of the continent’s formation.

The velvet tones of Chet Baker pour in through his tangled earbuds, the sound a little tinny in one ear. The damn cord got stretched, thanks to Jeongguk- ironically, on the same day they’d bought the new paints that are so carefully balanced on an upside-down milk crate in front of him now. He’s lost in his work, in perfectly capturing the hints of mulberry in the peach expanse- so lost, in fact, that he jolts, accidentally smearing sangria across the opposite page when you clear your throat loudly.

He topples backward in surprise, falling on his elbows, and the first thing Taehyung sees is a pair of neon sneakers, one of which is tapping the dirt impatiently. His gaze travels up your calves to your torso, noting pitch leggings, an oversized sable sweatshirt, and a palpable amount of self-restraint you exercise to control the bright salmon that flushes your cheeks. It reminds him of the scattered pink stipples that dust his knuckles, and he has to bite back a signature Taehyung™ smile at this.

“Who the fuck are you, and what the fuck are you doing on my lawn at five in the morning?”

He takes out an earbud and gazes up at you, carefully dabbing at the misstroke with a shred of paper towel and the ease of a practiced professional. “Who are you, and why are you awake at five in the morning?”

You cross your arms, your tongue pressed into your cheek at the surprisingly dulcet baritone emanating from the stranger. “Sorry, but you’re the one technically trespassing, buddy. Answer the question.”

Taehyung shrugs. “Your crabapple trees looked nice with the sunrise behind them. I’m an artist. It’s self explanatory.”

“Normal artists don’t sit on my lawn and draw my crabapple trees.”

“They don’t?” He carefully sets his sketchbook on the crate, stands, and extends his hand. “Kim Taehyung. Foreign exchange student, fine arts. it’s a pleasure.”

You raise an eyebrow apprehensively and take his hand. “Pleasure.” He shakes firmly. “I was running, by the way. I run before work.”

He laughs, and something in your chest leaps in response. “So you run this early in the morning, but you don’t see how beautiful the sunrise is every day?” One of your shoulders rises and falls.

“I don’t draw.” Your statement is firm and concise.

Taehyung’s brows furrow at this like it’s something he’s never heard before, and he rolls a filbert brush between his fingers like a patron’s cigarette. “That doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate art.”

“It’s nice, I guess.” You check your watch and whirl in place, suddenly impatient. “I’m late.” You’re halfway down the gravel driveway before you notice him still standing, wide-eyed, in the middle of your front lawn.

“You have an hour.”

There are three elements to one of Taehyung’s most simple pleasures in life. Firstly, he prefers cappuccinos to Americanos, and he insists on having a cappuccino every other day at four-fifteen in the afternoon- to him, the perfect time for a midday pick-me-up. Secondly, he must be sitting at the back left corner table inside of Helen’s, the café frequented by artisans and businessmen alike at all hours of the day. Third, he must have his sketchbook with him, plus or minus his watercolor set. These three elements, when combined, give rise to a pastime he loves perhaps nearly as much as sunrises and paints and low-fi hip-hop Spotify playlists.

People-watching.

The thought of you had preoccupied his mind for hours, and graphite marked his fingers like ash as he selected a woodless 2B and outlined the sole of your shoes. If it’s one thing Taehyung is known for, it’s his portrayals of life in all of its simplicity, and perhaps that’s why he always preferred Bruegel the Elder to Bruegel the Younger. He sits in this shop for hours, plaid sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and sketches.

He draws sweaty, overworked waitresses and new mothers with infants and the youthful innocence of children, palms pressed flush to the glass of the pastry display. He draws the table and his battered book and the slender hands that grip the pencil unceasingly. He draws succulent lemon tarts and glistening cinnamon rolls and the emptied sugar packets scattered across the plate in front of him. But today, he does not draw his waitresses and hands and cinnamon rolls. Today, he muses, is different.

Today, his mind refuses to budge from neon sneakers and feminine curves and the quirk of your eyebrow. No matter what he tries to put on paper, your features emerge from the tip of his pencil, and after a while he gives in and covers an entire page, front and back, in you.

Taehyung has the mind of an artist, and the little details are his specialty. He observes with immaculate precision the curve of your lip and the angles of your shoulders; he captures your posture and immortalizes it in 4H, in HB, in the soft paper-on-paper brushing of his tortillion. Never has he been so fixated on developing dozens of mental snapshots into black-and-white Polaroids, marked by pens and pencils and neutral tone paper. He scrawls line after line, embedding you into forever by his own pure talent, and he is nearly breathless by the time the bell atop the door jingles, and he realizes it’s closing time.

He has filled four new pages.

Today, he muses, is different.

It becomes a rhythm.

By 5:09am, Taehyung finds himself standing on the sidewalk in front of his host family’s ranch. He looks up and down the street, selects a colonial or gambrel or maybe the new construction under, well, construction, sits on the curb, and opens his sketchbook.

He sees you every morning, of course. You see him, and when he looks up to follow your usual morning route, you stifle the thought that the increased beat of your heart has nothing to do with your strenuous exercise, and instead focus doubly harder on the quickened rhythm of your sneakers slapping the concrete.

It is a day like any other when you pause in front of him, taking an abrupt left instead of continuing straight, and he’s looking up at you with his boxy smile before you have time to catch your breath.

You shift, suddenly uncomfortable, and rock back on your heels. “You can draw, by the way.” Fuck. “On my lawn, I mean. You can draw on my lawn. You have an hour.”

His eyes are deep and all-encompassing, and you swear you can see countless galaxies swirl when his grin grows ever wider. It pangs somewhere deep inside, brings memories of children’s fingers and apple red and denim blue-

You turn on one heel and begin to run.

The rhythm shifts, but not unpleasantly.

He’s surprised at how well he can adapt to the minor adjustment, and he comes to welcome it.

By 5:09am, Taehyung finds himself standing on sweet dewy grass instead of hard concrete. He looks up and down, selects a bush or tree or angle of the roof, folds his legs under himself, and opens his sketchbook.

He’s gone by the time you get back, of course. An hour and thirteen minutes on the dot and you are standing on your front stoop with nothing but curling blades of green to memorialize his presence by. There’s an odd pang in your chest now- one that you hadn’t anticipated, one that drowns out the staccato drumbeat, and the harder you push yourself, the harder it is to focus on keeping tempo.

Some days, you stop for a breath, rubbing sleep out of your eyes as he rubs and smears carbon across the page. On these days, you may exchange a word, a sentence, as much as you can bear before you turn and run like you have every day since you first bought this house eight months ago. You’re no longer sure if you’re running to somewhere, or running from someone.

It is a day like any other when you take a sharp right and a left, and he doesn’t hear you when you approach him from behind. Louis Armstrong leaks into the filmy morning air, and the music is so fittingly Taehyung that you hesitate, and the meter of your heart skips a beat when you look over his shoulder at his sketchbook.

Familiar faces sing to you from two-tone paper, faces from the grocery store and the coffee shop and the laundromat. The pimpled cashier slouches, swiping a bag of potato chips with one hand on the pinpad. A toddler’s pigtails bounce as she skips, strawberry lollipop in hand, around the counter. The surly, suited executive nudges a coin into the pewter machine, frowning when his wash refuses to cycle. A woman runs, arms and legs like pistons as sweat drips into her eyes, and her sneakers are accentuated with dabs of tiger orange and canary gold.

Ruby and burgundy pop alongside boysenberry and heather; apricot blazes the sky, peeking over the eave of the roof. Juniper leaves and amber bark scratch their empyrean, and lace is speckled by sepia where dirt stains the siding. Alabaster is the shine on your front window, and hazelwood is your fence where parchment has chipped away.

Your breath is exhaled in a shocked rush of air, and he misses it over the muted tones of brass and piano.

“You know, I lied to you before, Taehyung.”

Your hands twist in front of you as he whips around and nearly falls backward, yanking his earbuds out, eyes dilated with surprise and apprehension.

“I used to draw every day of my life.” You are quiet but audible, and you watch the surprise and apprehension drain as wonder, curiosity, and finally, tenderness cascade like waves across his face. “I drew and drew and that’s all I did as a child is draw. I wanted to become an artist. One of the best, in fact. I wanted them to remember me like one speaks of Da Vinci or Vermeer or Masaccio.” Your laugh is empty of joy. “It’s funny how I thought one could ever reach that high.”

“Who says you can’t?” You are fixated on the way he murmurs, how the honeyed baritone instantly grabs your attention, and you nearly falter.

“My parents.” Your nails dig into your skin, and you wince at the memory harder than the pain itself. “They wanted me to become an accountant. Do I look like an accountant to you? No.” The shudder of your next inhale is unintentional. “They threw out my pencils. They burned my sketchbooks. They told me to focus on the future and not on the ambitions of a child, and the day after I graduated college, I ran.”

The last of your walls falls away, and the last of the tension drains from your shoulders as you stand before him, sweaty, defeated, wholly unmasked. “I’m still running.”

When Taehyung stands and your name falls from his lips, the empathy in his voice hits like a punch, and when his arms come to wrap around you, you let him hold you together, because for your own sake, you can’t anymore.

His thumb strokes your cheek, wiping the tears away, the tears that you hadn’t realized were falling freely. When his finger taps your nose, you open your eyes, and are met by stars and novae and nebulae in deep obsidian. The gesture is so wholly and utterly Taehyung, and the click of the metronome ticks a few beats faster when he tilts his head and cups your face in his sangria and juniper and alabaster-dusted hands.

“I see the sunrise every morning,” you whisper as he brushes moisture from your skin. “but I can’t bring myself to appreciate it.”

He hushes you gently, softly. “Let me show you how.”

And he presses his lips to yours.

[louisfeatharry]

* newly added fics to my fic rec page as of 10/04/17 (30 fics in total) all fics are larry unless specified otherwise • more recent recs

✨ indicates favorites of mine!

a love like legend by butterflylungs (2k) [au, ou, soulmates, angst]

Harry and Louis are soulmates destined to lose each other.

All this Delusion in our Heads by mmaree (30k) [ziam, au, amnesia, neighbors/roommates, exes to lovers, angst]

the one where Zayn contracts amnesia, Liam has regrets, and the entire universe conspires against them…until it doesn’t.

✨ cupid’s defence by rhuubarb (116k) [au, fantasy & supernatural, slow burn, fluff]

In which Harry is Cupid, Louis and Liam own a law firm, and they're all getting sued.

Even When We Fight by threeturn (30k) [lirry, au, university AU, enemies to lovers]

University AU. Liam's the star of the debating society until Harry shows up and steals the spotlight. Meanwhile, Niall's in love, Zayn lives while he's young, and Louis looks after his friends.

✨ Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is a Brand New Start by Rearviewdreamer (57k) [au, hurt/comfort, kid fic, secret relationship, angst]

Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.

Golden Like Sands of Time by afirethatcannotdie (51k) [au, summer, fluff]

AU. Harry and Zayn are spending the summer on an island, and there's a plethora of booze and bonfires and boys. Or in Harry's case, just one boy.

Green Eyes (I’d Run Away With You) by salem (31k) [lirry, au, university AU]

After a frenzied party results in an accidental switch up of phones, Liam and Harry welcome each other temporarily into their lives as they casually chat about meeting up to switch back. It’s not hard to get to know each other while they wait, but when what should have been an innocent blip in each of their lives turns into months of endless texting, meddlesome friends, pot noodles, too much Shakespeare, and plenty of confusions, their feelings are put to the test.

Heaven’s Just Begun by sweetlullabies (35k) [au, fluff]

Harry is wholly convinced he's quite literally a sad excuse for a young adult, but this doesn't seem to stop the "boy next door" from developing the world's biggest crush on him.

✨ Hiding Out in the Kitchen by LittleMousling (28k) [au, famous/nonfamous, coming out, friends to lovers, fluff]

Harry's in an internationally famous boyband with his three best mates, he gets laid on a pretty regular basis, and he's headed to Australia in a week. He doesn't need anything else, and he certainly doesn't need a boyfriend. If this nice guy he met in a coffeeshop wants to date him, great—but that's all it is. Right?

✨ Homegrown by casuallyhl (51k) [au, friends to lovers, fluff]

a gardening AU where Harry is new to town and the newest volunteer at the local gardening club, Louis is the attractive grandson of one of the members, and the nosy volunteers hatch a plan to get them together.

It’s All Brand New Because of You by supernope (16k) [au, summer, fluff]

Louis starts a new job as a summer camp counselor at the local aquarium and Harry is a biologist who really likes teaching people about the ocean.

left all the stars in your city nights by petals (23k) [lirry, au, university AU, secret relationship, coming out]

“He’s got a roommate?” Niall asks, frowning.

“Yeah, but he usually only hangs out with grad students. I mean, it’s a smart plan all things considered. I think there’s like a rule that all graduate students have to TA, so like, it probably helps him with his grades or something. I don’t know. I’ve met him a few times but Zayn swears he’s great," Louis explains.

Liam nods, taking another drink from his glass, turning in time to see Zayn. He smiles at him but his smile falls immediately when Harry steps out from behind him, standing there smirking at Liam. He remembers him, obviously. They just fucked last night.

Fuck.

Liam’s screwed.

living love in slow motion by jmcats (39k) [ziam, au, growing up together, friends to lovers, pining, coming out, fluff]

they've been tucked into each other's side since they were five years old... and Liam's been a little in love with that and much more since then

Manifest Destiny by Anonymous (15k) [au, historical, friends with benefits, fluff]

Louis is a Pony Express rider and Harry runs a station along the trail.

never mind the odds (i’m gonna try my luck) by spit_on_me_larry (64k) [au, enemies to lovers, pining]

Louis Tomlinson is going to be the journalistic voice of his generation. He’s just waiting for his editor to realize it. For now, he’s stuck writing fluff pieces for the Life and Style section of London Now Newspaper.

His latest assignment is more of the same rubbish: a profile of Harry Styles, plastic surgeon and one of London’s most eligible bachelors. Louis is intent on writing something smart and biting and unexpected; if it makes Harry look like an idiot, that’s just the price of good journalism. That is, until Louis gets to know Harry and realizes he might be kind of perfect.

Featuring Louis as a writer/workaholic, Harry as a plastic surgeon with a heart of gold, Zayn and Niall as Louis’ colleagues and long-suffering best mates, and Liam as everyone’s favorite pediatric surgeon and Harry’s right-hand man.

No Place Without You by fackinglouis (19k) [au, neighbors/roommates, pining, university AU]

Harry's in love with life and he's in love with the world.

Louis' in love with Harry and he doesn't think there's anyway he can possibly compete.

A Wanderlust AU in which Harry doesn't have a permanent home and stays with Louis when he visits NYC.

Pyar dhosti hai (Love is friendship) by backonefish (39k) [au, road trip & travel, angst, pining, fluff, friends to lovers]

When Zayn and Harry's thesis project hits a snag, they feel a bit hopeless. Liam's just gotten out of a relationship. Louis is stuck wondering if Harry will ever open his eyes. And Niall's still searching.

This is a story of love and friendship. Of five boys who travel to India on a quest to find themselves and each other.

Ridiculous by scottmcniceass (24k) [ziam, au, high school AU, enemies to lovers, neighbors/roommates]

They are every cliched high school story. The jock and the rebel. The popular boy and the outsider. They shouldn't fit, and they definitely shouldn't work, but they sort of do anyways.

Sonnets Behind the Flame by jmcats (55k) [au, high school AU, road trip & travel, enemies to lovers]

Liam has been anticipating a weekend away at Louis' family's cabin for years. It's nothing but wilderness, bonfires, football, his best mates, alcohol, and an escape from their last year in Sixth Form. Oh, and Niall has invited Harry Styles and Zayn Malik along. The same Zayn who's a complete prick to Liam's mates. The same Zayn that Liam has spent so many years hating, he doesn't know the reasons anymore.

Suddenly, Liam doesn't think this is such a brilliant idea after all.

The Summertime, The Butterflies, All Belong To Your Creation by PumpkinspiceLou (11k) [au, kid fic, fluff]

When Louis decides to help out a lost little girl at the park, he never expected it would lead him to finding his home.

these wings (are made to fly) by orphan_account (35k) [au, friends to lovers, pining, fluff]

Despite the fact that he’s good at his job, Louis’ problem is that he’s constantly on the move and puts everyone else’s needs before his own. Add probationary crew member Harry Styles into the mix, and Louis is definitely in trouble. Flight attendant AU, minus the mile high club.

this relationship we’re staging by dancesongsoul, lookatyourchoices (44k) [au, pining, fluff]

West End AU in which Louis is a former Royal Shakespeare Company actor looking for his way back to the top, Harry is an actor best known for his work in unknown bits of experimental theatre and being the darling of London's new age theatre scene, and Simon Cowell is the renowned director who brings the two of them together.

to feel your heart as it’s keeping time by wearecities (36k) [lirry, au, bakery AU, fluff]

Harry owns a bakery, Niall and Louis are sickeningly in love, Zayn hates clip-art and Liam’s the only one that laughs at Harry’s jokes.

✨ Two Steps Behind by sacredheart (38k) [au, growing up together, high school AU, pining, fluff, angst]

Louis is two years younger than his neighbors, Harry, Liam, Niall, and Zayn, and he grows up bending over backwards to get their attention and acceptance. Especially Harry's.

✨ we may fall (but we get up again) by jmcats (58k) [ziam, au, weddings, movie AU, enemies to lovers, fluff]

a 27 Dresses AU where Liam is everyone's favorite best man and he just might be madly in love with his boss ... and maybe with an arrogant writer who hates weddings as much as Liam loves them, too

we were boxing the stars by justaboat (30k) [lirry, au, university AU, sports, summer, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, pining]

au. liam and harry play football and their feelings have a bad habit of getting in the way.

✨ what this world is about by isntrio (34k) [au, high school AU, secret relationship, historical/past setting, angst]

An eighties American high school AU; there are first times, football games, and feelings.

Alternatively titled: the beginning.

wild card (nobody, nobody) by dramaturgicallycorrect (30k) [lirry, au, sports, movie AU, sports, fluff]

Harry is Britain’s Best Chance and Liam is a wild card at the Championships, Wimbledon.

you could be my cure by jmcats (41k) [ziam, au, university AU, fluff, prose]

Nothing about Zayn is traditional, especially not the way he falls in love with Liam, or everything before and after that

Yours Faithfully, Friend by badjujuboo (20k) [lirry, au, famous/nonfamous, exes to lovers, pining]

Small gigs turned into larger ones, radio interviews turned into playing on Chatty Man and that Irish program where Niall was treated like a superstar. It got to the stage where even Liam couldn't remember the last full week he'd spent in their home. Harry tried to be there, but it wasn't as if he could come out to every show. The last few times when he would have been able to because they were playing close, Harry'd had exams and Liam understood why Harry couldn'tcome along. He did. Even if it hurt to look up and not see Harry mouthing along to the words, doing his dumb dance moves at the front of the crowd. He just wanted Harry to himself, was all. It was irrational to be annoyed that Harry couldn't be there all the time, no matter how much Liam wanted him to be.

Love is easy, relationships are not. Somewhere along the line, Liam forgot that.

[ourheroictommo]

FLICKER OF PASSION Niall Horan reveals a secret lover he had in 1D inspired his best songs — and it has inspired his emotional debut album Flicker

Niall Horan takes over Dan Wootton's Bizarre Column for the day

FOR his five years in ONE DIRECTION – and the nearly two years since they went on hiatus – NIALL HORAN has been linked to a string of beautiful women.

But while his bandmates HARRY STYLES, LIAM PAYNE, LOUIS TOMLINSON and ZAYN MALIK have had plenty of girlfriends since shooting to fame, Niall always insisted he was single . . . until now.

In his first Bizarre guest-edit since going solo, Niall revealed his incredible debut album Flicker, out today, was inspired by a secret relationship.

He said: “It is written about one person. Most of it is. There’s obviously songs that are not particularly about anything, just scenarios I’ve made up in my head or situations I’ve seen among my friends.

“But yeah, for the most part it’s about that one person.

“I live most of my life out of the public eye. I try to keep as much of it shut as possible, because if you let it out, people start asking you loads of questions and it becomes uncomfortable.

“That’s why I wrote the album I did — because I’m not the greatest talker in terms of emotion. But I found that I’m good at writing it down on paper and putting it on the record. It’s still quite a hard thing to do but I found it better to do it that way.”

The ten-track album is filled with emotional tunes about a complicated relationship — with a few mega-romantic ones too.

But Niall confirmed his muse is now an ex, adding: “I’m single now, yep. Yep. Extremely single.”

His mystery girl is NOT the Neighbours actress OLYMPIA VALANCE despite rumours they were close. Niall insisted they met through mutual friends and merely “hung out” at a barbecue.

And he was perplexed by the supposed love triangle between himself, ELLIE GOULDINGand ED SHEERAN in 2013, when Niall was believed to have got together with Ellie while she was dating Ed. That reportedly inspired Ed’s tune Don’t.

Niall, who also used 1D’s hiatus to launch sports management firm Modest! Golf, said with a laugh: “It kind of all happened without me knowing and that was it really.

“I can’t remember a specific time or a specific moment. It all kind of kicked off and there was a song written about it, apparently.”

Now Niall has his own heartache tunes to sing.

NIALL is overjoyed to be the only member of 1D to be up for an American Music Award – as Best New Artist. He said: “It’s unbelievable. It’s one of my favourite nights of the year. This year, with the nomination, it’s really cool, especially with some of the sick artists that are out.”

Kneel Horan

NIALL has been plagued by issues with his left knee and had major reconstructive surgery in January 2014.

Now he needs an op on his right one, as it’s been overcompensating for his left – but is struggling to find the time as his 2018 world tour nears.

He admitted: “It’s still f***ed. It’s nasty.

“In my family there’s a joint issue where the bones don’t sit in the socket properly.

“That’s the same with my ankles, my knees, my shoulders . . . every time I do press-ups I get pains in my shoulders, so it’s an on-going thing.

“The whole process was excruciating. I was lucky that I did my rehab when I did it.”

HAVING purposely stayed away from a dance sound, Niall said: “My music probably stands out like a sore thumb today. You’re competing in the charts with THE WEEKND, ED SHEERAN and DUA LIPA. It’s tough.”

Life after 1D

WHEN Zayn quit 1D, things were never going to be the same between him and the rest of the band.

But Niall has revealed their relationship is now almost non-existent, admitting he doesn’t even have a phone number for his old pal.

He explained: “I haven’t spoken to Zayn in a while.

“I spoke to him at Christmas then I spoke to him again a couple of months ago.

“Zayn’s Zayn , not a lot of people would be able to say that they get in touch with him. He’s the hardest man to get in touch with. He is always changing his number.” Things couldn’t be more different with his other bandmates, though.

Niall has already showered gifts on Bear, the seven-month-old son of Liam and CHERYL. He said: “I’ve met Bear. I got him a set of golf clubs, so I have to drop them off when I get the chance. I’m getting everyone into golf. I’m trying to grow the game.

“As a start I got him little trainers which have his name on the back. Little pairs of all the different trainers that Liam likes. Little Air Max, little Stan Smiths and stuff.”

Last month Niall saw Harry perform a solo gig in Los Angeles.

He said: “We hugged it out, had a drink afterwards and had a bit of a chat. We talk every day but we don’t get to see each other all the time because everyone’s doing their own bits and pieces.”

As for a reunion of the band in 2014, Niall said: “It’s only been like two years or whatever so I’m not worried about it. I’m not rushing it and I’m not worried that it won’t happen.”

That will be music to ears of their fans.

TOURING is different this time around. Niall said: “It’s a lot smaller entourage. I think there’s 16 of us. We had 160 crew on 1D and 30 or 40 trucks every day, everywhere we went. It was like a circus rolling into town.”

My pal's just unbeliebale

NIALL is the closest out of all the ONE DIRECTION lads to JUSTIN BIEBER.

And two months after the Canadian superstar axed the remaining dates of his Purpose tour, prompting concerns about his health, Niall says he is doing better than ever.

Niall said: “I love that fella. He’s mad, brilliant. He’s a different man completely.

“It’s unbelievable. He doesn’t drink, doesn’t do anything else, he’s in good shape, keeps himself to himself with a smaller group of mates and gives me a shout every time he wants to play golf.

“Fair play to him, I think he’s done a great job of turning it around.

“We kind of grew up together.”

bizmeter: Niall's nuggets

AWARDS — Niall is overjoyed to be the only member of 1D to be up for an American Music Award – as Best New Artist. He said: “It’s unbelievable. It’s one of my favourite nights of the year. This year, with the nomination, it’s really cool, especially with some of the sick artists that are out.”

HOME — With family Down Under, he revealed he is keen to move there one day. Niall explained: “I’m sure when I’m older I’d love to live in Australia. But that won’t be any time soon. I have a place in London and I’ve got a place in LA. I’m living out of the suitcase for the next year.”

DUET — His album is out, but Niall is still keen for a collaboration with SHAWN MENDES. He said: “The fans would love it. He’s in the middle of his album at the minute so if we can get something rustled up in the next while, we’ll see what happens. But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

SINGER —Niall is just like everyone else when it comes to his favourite acts. As well as being a fan and a pal of SHANIA TWAIN, he said: “Oh I love ADELE, she is a dream. She’s just an unbelievable talent and what she’s done for British music around the world – she’s just incredible.”

NIALL found it hilarious when fans pointed out his album title Flicker looked awkwardly like a swear word. He said with a laugh: “It does look like f***er, doesn’t it. But no, it definitely says Flicker. I did think that was quite funny.”

[thesportssoundoff]

Attempting to Play Matchmaker: The 2018 schedule opening

Joey

November 13th

I started this like two weeks ago so forgive me if I'm off on any of the news. Just bein' real on it. I got up to the main event for the Belem show and then took a long break.

What you see above is the UFC's schedule for 2018. The start of the year  has been laid out and it features 9 events through March. For comparative measures we had 8 in 2016 and 2017. It's worth noting that this could be the last year they're on Fox so there's a lot riding on these events to do some numbers. According to Forbes (https://www.forbes.com/sites/trentreinsmith/2017/11/05/ufc-announces-nine-events-for-first-quarter-of-2018/#583e5ca8df1c) there's TWO Fox cards scheduled for the early portion of the year which to my knowledge is normally NOT how they do things. Even if you want to account for NFL numbers being down, playoff NFL numbers are always higher than anything else going on for the year so right off the jump, the UFC will have two big FOX events and then two Fight Nights which literally will suckle of the teet of the NFL/Fox relationship. The first being the Sunday January event which will likely follow an NFL Divisional Round game and the OTHER being a game the week of the Super Bowl. I don't know if Fox has the super bowl this year but either way, that's a BIG night regardless. It's been successful for them in the past.

So you got 3 PPVs, 2 Fox cards and then 4 Fight Nights, the last of which potentially being a Fight Pass card. Maybe in the perfect world for the UFC, that FP card is the first show a digital provider is getting so a Netflix or an Amazon deal is in play. What I'm going to attempt, quite possibly in a rather poor fashion, is to JUST do the main and co-main events with perhaps a name or two sprinkled on top of that who may appear on the card. I'll also try to be as realistic as humanly possible, avoiding anything that's simply not gonna happen like McGregor on free TV or Jon Jones vs Brock or whatever. I'm also going to try NOT to steal any ideas discussed on the Dojo Talk Podcast where much was discussed to the tune of much radio silence. Just gonna try to fill this early schedule out.

UFC Fight Night From St. Louis, Missouri Jan 14th (Sunday on FS1)

Main Event: Amanda Nunes vs Holly Holm

It's been said that Nunes vs Rocky Pennington was in talks around UFC 219 before Pennington got hurt. It seems like Holm is looking for a bigger deal (or Cyborg is or somebody is) for that Cyborg/Holm fight so let's do Cyborg/Cat Zingano eventually and just roll with Nunes vs Holm in a fight that would garner a rather large heavy audience in Missouri. St. Louis seems like the sort of town Holly Holm could really pop numbers wise and Woodley isn't fighting on free TV (OR IS HE?!?!?!??!) so just gotta take your losses there. You would probably prefer this as an underneath title fight on a PPV but beggars can't always be choosers AND I'd argue a big ratings # to talk Fox into a few extra green bills might top the 50K more buys Nunes could generate if she generates any revenue at all at this point.

Co-Main Event: Jeremy Stephens vs Yair Rodriguez

So I've been toying around a bit for some potential ideas for a co-main and one idea was Darren Till vs somebody but I don't see an immediate fight that makes sense. Till could use a big, big spotlight night but this one doesn't feel too perfect for me. Till vs Wonderboy would be great but I really think the UFC is hot for Perry/Ponz vs Till winner at some point. Yair Rodriguez has been gone for a while but I can't think of a fighter at 145 lbs I'd like to see bounce back with a vengeance more than Yair. Jeremy Stephens is coming off a win and he's a pretty damn popular fighter so I think that's a fair matchup for free TV as a co-main under a big title fight.

We know that Vitor Belfort vs Uriah Hall is apparently a done deal here. I don't think that's a main event and I think that while it would work as a co-main event, giving a co-main spot to Vitor Belfort given his potential leaving of the UFC would be like giving Mitrione a co-main spot on that show in 2016 where they had concerns that HE was leaving. They didn't----and so Hall vs Vitor seems like a fine third fight. Put an action guy as the 4th spot or two big HWs to get the masses excited and move on.

Click inside for more of me trying to play God and failing miserably. 

UFC 220 Boston, Massachusetts Jan 20th (Saturday on PPV)

Main Event: Daniel Cormier vs Volkan Oezdemir

There's been some internet scuttlebutt that this is actually the co-main event and the REAL main event is going to be McGregor vs Ferguson. That's cute and all but I'm not exactly sold. You get the feeling Conor's not fighting anywhere other than LA, Nevada or New York these days so I'm not buying that. Volkan vs DC might not sell 1,000,000 PPVs on its own BUT it's a really credible title fight and I don't see anything that immediately jumps out and makes me thing they're going to find an event that can top it.

Co-Main Event: Stipe Miocic vs Cain Velasquez

Look I can dream, ya know? Sipe vs Cain would be a fantastic co-main event and PROBABLY a top flight main event of its own. I just don't think that the UFC can trust Cain to step up and do something.

I guess a really solid third fight to back up those two would be something like Kevin Lee vs Beneil Dariush or Evan Dunham. Plus you gotta have a capable HW backing up any fight where Cain is on. Gotta protect yourself on a show like this. Plus Joe Lauzon because it's Boston.

UFC on Fox Charlotte, North Carolina Jan 27th (Saturday on Fox)

Main Event: Derek Brunson vs Luke Rockhold

Brunson has already suggested that this fight might be in the works. Either Rockhold or Weidman. There's basically 6-8 middleweights just hanging around looking to fight one another in Jacare, Weidman, Brunson, Rockhold, Boetsch and Yoel Romero. Brunson/Rockhold is a rare fresh fight at 185 lbs so if I'm forced to pitch a fight, this would be the one I'd go for.  Besides Brunson is FROM North Carolina so yeah, perfect fit. No complaints I can't imagine.

Co-Main Event: Yoel Romero vs Jacare Souza II

I had previously thought Jacare could bet he headliner for a week from now in Belem BUT I have another idea for the spot. Jacare vs Romero is the PERFECT rematch and given Romero's insistence that his next fight be three rounds, I like this one as a fantab co-main event for a Fox card. If Brunson/Rockhold and Jacare/Romero don't get you excited then you can just miss me right here right now.

As for the rest of the card? Well we've seen some fights filter out recently but nothing I'd consider to be main card worthy. Randa Markos vs Julianna Lima could be on a main card as an opener I guess? What if you do Siyar Bahadurzada vs Brad Tavares since I believe Siyar is 100% focused on middleweight as of this time.

UFC Fight Night Belem, Brazil February 3rd

Main Event: Fabricio Werdum vs Alexander Volkov

I mean I don't see why not? I originally thought of Curtis Blaydes here but the more I think about it, the more I think that's rushing things. Plus I did an entire ramble on the DTP about how the UFC shouldn't rush Blaydes. Volkov instead makes good sense given his stock in the division and the streak he's on. Wins over Tim Johnson, Stefan Struve and Roy Nelson sets him up well for a run UP the rankings and Werdum is the best available scenario plus it's a main event in Brazil.

Co-Main Event: Rashad Evans vs Lyoto Machida II

Let's accept that both Rashad and Lyoto aren't going anywhere. Once you've done that, let's take it a step further and argue that neither guy deserves a real competitive matchup to this point. Rashad hasn't won in 100 years and Lyoto is on a similar minded slide. Both guys are big names who can bolster a card so put them on against one another as a co-main event on free TV and see who can rebuild their name value a teensy bit in the process.

As for the rest of the card? Thiago Marreta vs CB Dollaway seems like a fine fight assuming CB is coming back down to 185 lbs. I spent about a week thinking of what to do with Paulo Costa and I've decided that him vs Sam Alvey or Tim Boetsch seems like a fine fight for his progression. Francisco Trinaldo vs Lando Vannata can find a spot on this show and the same goes a fight like Antonio Carlos Junior vs  Anthony Smith and Pedro Munhoz vs Marlon Moraes.

UFC 220 Perth, Australia February 10th (Saturday on PPV)

Main Event: GSP vs Robert Whittaker

It would SUCK if the UFC decided they wanted to do a big event in Perth and the healthiest/best Aussie in the company wasn't headlining. Especially givent he money spent lobbying to get an event in Perth. So how about we just abandon all pretenses and do this fight up? Unify the belts and we're all happy campers.

Co-Main Event: Tyron Woodley vs Robbie Lawler/RDA winner

I was torn between Joanna/Rose II and the Woodley fight but the best way to hype up GSP vs Woodley (because it's coming y'all) might be to just put this fight as the co-main event. I think when you bundle it all together, it's a pretty appealing 1-2 punch. Lawler in general likes to stay busy and RDA fought in June and was the back up plan if Maia turned down the fight with Woodley in July SO you're talking about a relatively quick-ish turnaround for both BUT I think they can handle it. Lawler fought in March then in May then in July one year. If not then just give Woodley one of the Till, Covington, Wonderboy trio to figure it out.

The rest of the card is what it is really. Expect plenty of Aussie filler with a pretty solid third fight to help put the whole puzzle together. If you REALLY wanna get nuts then maybe you do Rawlings vs the winner of the 125 title tournament. Also if they're smart Meagan Anderson will be on this show against some 145er they find in the mountains somewhere. Ediane Gomes FTW. Also I swear to god you can bet on them giving Dan Kelly someone who hits really hard because they like to be mean.

UFC Fight Night Erwin, Texas February 18th, 2017 (Live on FS1)

Main Event: Ovince St. Preux vs Patrick Cummins

I'm sort of stuck here. When the UFC goes to Texas they tend to bring big shows relative to the quality of free TV. The problem is this far ahead I can't really find a fight worthy of a main event slot. My first though in all honesty was Cody Garbrandt vs John Lineker but that may be too soon given that Garbrandt just had surgery. I was tempted to go Val Shevchenko vs the loser of the 125 lb tournament but eh....bleeegghh. I even consdiered James Vick vs Kevin Lee but I think I booked Lee already. As such, OSP vs Cummins makes sense. Two big dudes being big dudes. Plus we can just make this a good undercard.

Co-Main Event: Paige Van Zant vs Rachael Ostovich

Oh-kay. PVZ turned down Jessica Eye and Val Schevchenko. Rachael Ostovich vs PVZ makes some sense given that Ostovich will probably be a fighter who gets bounced from the TUF tournament but has the ability to generate some buzz given her looks (it matters y'all. We're trying to sell an event here). PVZ vs Ostovich would also be a pretty fun wild wacky kind of fight and if you're putting Paige on a main card, I can't imagine her not being really high up on a show---especially for FS1.

Bonus Fight: Sage Northcutt vs BJ Penn

WHAT?! WHAT?! Look that's THE fucking fight to make. I ain't even about to hear shit from y'all. Gimme this fight and fuck all exceptions. This is the main event unfortunately for most folks. Throw in James Vick vs Beneil Dariush and Alexa Grasso vs Danielle Taylor. Leggo.

UFC on Fox Orlando, Florida February 25th, 2017

Main Event: Rose Namajunas vs Joanna Former Champion II

I would prefer if they just moved Joanna up a weight class. To me that'd make the MOST sense. I don't make the rules here though so might as well just do a rematch, right? To me this is the perfect co-main event for a big PPV but instead let's just make it a title fight on Fox. Max publicity, easy to tell story, big "name" fight to bump a number and get yourself a juicy rating in late February.

Co-Main Event: Colby Covington vs Kamaru Usman

Don't tell me you don't want to see this even if it's for selfish purposes.

As for the rest of the show? Welp there's plenty of top flight fighters from top flight gyms in Florida who can be relied to turn a solid gate. Thiago Alves maybe? Nina Ansaroff on the strength of two straight wins could take on Jessica Andrade or Karolina K. Ben Saunders vs Cowboy Cerrone is a weird fight that sort of appeals to me as a main card opener. Jorge Masvidal vs Gunnar Nelson would be fun too.

UFC 222 Las Vegas, Nevada March 5th (Saturday on PPV)

Main Event: Conor McGregor vs Tony Ferguson

How about we unfiy these fucking titles and move on with our lives?

Co-Main Event: Demetrious "Mighty Mouse" Johnson vs TJ Dillashaw

I mean it's what they're doing. This seems like the path they want to take and I guess I can be sold on it. Big weird super fights for all.

As for the rest of the show?  Dominick Cruz should be better by then so maybe you can rebook Cruz/Rivera. Francis Ngannou can get a filler fight vs a somebody if you need to keep him busy assuming he beats Overeem. Dustin Poirier vs the Gaethje/Alvarez winner por favor.  The winner of Pettis/Cejudo, assuming they're asked to fight again, could take on Deiveison Figuerido or Tim Elliott.

UFC Fight Night ???, England (It's listed as London and it seems like London is where it'll be but the UFC wants to go to Liverpool as well) March 18th, 2018 (Fox or FS1?)

Main Event: Darren Till vs the winner of Mike Perry/Santiago Ponzinnibio

If Perry beats Ponz, I think we'll all be sold on his legit-ness. Besides he brings excitement and a touch of fun to this WW in rebuild. That and there are goofs who seem to really like the idea of these two jawing and fighting eventually. Having said that, I expect Ponz to beat Perry pretty decisively which would give us a fantastic clash of really good striking WWs with developing ground games.

Co-Main Event: Michael Bisping vs Dan Kelly/Sam Alvey/Jack Hermansson/Brad Scott/Anybody outside of the top 15

If Bisping is seriously retiring in London as he's stated then this feels like a perfect chance for him to take a nice step back in competition. Bisping has fought in FIVE straight five round fights so how about we give him somebody who isn't going to make him go five rounds. Pick a name out of a hat basically and let Bisping go out with a high probability for a win.

As for the rest of the show? I mean where the fuck has Arnold Allen been recently? Give Arnold Allen somebody a main card fight. Joanne Calderwood can fight a TUF castmate at 125 lbs. Oskar Piechota can get a fight too.

[evenstevensranked]

#41: Season 1, Episode 8 - “Family Picnic”

The annual Family Decathlon rolls around and Steve is extremely into it. Like, extremely. He makes the whole family participate every year. But Louis — who always feels like the outsider, (and isn't exactly athletically inclined) cheats in a competition he knows he doesn't stand a chance in.

We get an opening shot of Louis mowing some Australian dude's lawn. Then it rewinds and starts the story of how he ended up there. Something a little unique about this episode is that Louis narrates it. I’m 99.9% sure it's the only one in the series that has a storytelling voiceover from Louis or Ren throughout like this. It actually feels a little weird. I wonder why they decided on that for this one. He tells us about this "Family Decathlon" that his dad is obsessed with and makes the whole gang compete in as Team Stevens. We get one of my favorite lines when Louis is explaining just how much Steve cares about the picnic: "Does my dad take it seriously? Now, that's like asking ‘Did Shaq have a growth spurt?’” What a great analogy though, honestly.

Louis really, really does not want to go to the picnic. He'd rather see some new Jackie Chan flick where Jackie "wipes out an entire evil army with ONE NOODLE!" I've always laughed at "one noodle." Seriously, a NOODLE?! Is this a weapon I don’t know about? Like, define noodle. A pool noodle? A measly, little pasta noodle? Now, THAT’D be pretty impressive. But, he has a talk with Eileen and decides to do it because they can’t win without Louis “Crazy Legs” Stevens. This scene is adorable, though. Eileen keeps calling him Crazy Legs, and Louis just giggles like “Maaa! Don’t start with the crazy legsss.” It’s so cute. I feel like we don’t see enough of this, so I love it. He agrees to go to the picnic, but will not compete in whatever contest he got the nickname “Crazy Legs” for. “NO MEANS NO!” He says.

Just thought I’d say: I love Tawny’s outfit, omg. 

Suddenly, it does a hard cut to a shot of Louis’ butt. I’m not kidding. He is sassily shaking it from side to side as he balances an egg on a spoon. We find out that “Crazy Legs” originates from his unusual technique in the egg race. I can’t. The best part about this scene is the 70’s disco, royalty-free stock music playing that says “BOOGIEEEE!!!!” (pronounced “boogaaaayy”) It always makes me laugh. Twitty and Tawny are giving him a hard time about it, saying he’s not like the rest of his family and shouldn’t have to do the race. Louis says he can’t back down because “I’m a Stevens. We have a motto: You dream it, you scheme it, and you cream it.” and Tawny asks “…..wHAT… does that mean???” I swear to god if this is another innuendo…

Suddenly Louis takes their advice and decides to NOT do the race again. He goes to tell Steve later that night and overhears him talking to Ren about what a great kid Louis is and that he has the heart of a lion! One of my favorite lines in this episode is from Steve here: “You know Louis learned to walk at 6 months?! …..granted he didn’t speak until he was 4 1/2, BUT THE POINT IS--” lol. While listening in, Louis gets his head stuck in the banister. This always bothered me because the railings are widely spaced. He was able to poke his head through straight, no problem!! Then to get out, he tilts his head all the way to the side so it “gets stuck.” Even while he’s “stuck” you can see that his chin could easily get out. Oh my god. Much like the bus rearranging fiasco, this is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen on this show and has always annoyed me. It’s really not that serious, though. So don’t listen to me. It’s just a plot device so that the banister can break and Louis can fall into a box, making a very loud entrance.

Like, seriously. Is it just me, or could he easily get out of there?!?! Why tilt your head all the way to the side??? Who knows! This just always looked like a force to me, lol. 

Steve and Ren rush over to ask if he’s okay, and Louis says “I came to tell you that… I can’t. Can’t, uh… can’t… wait to win the race tomorrow!! :D” I would literally see right through that. If the blatant stuttering wasn’t enough, surely the dramatic drop in his facial expression from “can’t wait!” to “kill me” should’ve given it away:

Then we get another hard cut to the picnic. That’s something else that’s weird about this one. It it seems to jump around a lot and there are two major montages, which causes the episode to fly by and makes it feel like not much happens. The first of the two is kicked off with Louis about to compete against a bunch of tiny children. “I feel like I’m the only one in this race that knows their times tables” he says, lol.

He came prepared. Is he really wearing a back brace???

He shakes hands with last year’s champion who’s like… 6, (^ the kid on the far right) becomes intimidated, and says “you got…. quite a grip…” which is pretty funny. But then it cuts to a useless western-style faceoff thing between them. I never liked this for some reason. Just ANOTHER thing that makes it feel like nothing is actually happening here. Oh, well. The montage starts with the beginning of the egg race. 

One thing I never understood: Shouldn’t everyone’s spoon be the same size? A spoon that perfectly hugs the egg (like Louis’) will be easier to race with. One of the bigger spoons that would cause the egg to roll around, would be much more difficult. Those are the spoons everyone should use. Doesn’t seem fair, lol. ANYWAY!

......was this really necessary? 

In this montage we see Donnie playing badminton with an elderly man and falling — hurting his shoulder. Ren losing a homemade apple pie contest to a biker dude. (You break down those gender roles, Disney! lol) Eileen climbing a tree, Louis winning the egg race, and Steve cutting up a turkey with a CHAINSAW? What kind of contest is that? Do people actually do this? Are you supposed to be carving it into something? Or just… hacking it up?! What’s the point of that? Where’s the skill??? This montage is literally 2 minutes long. That doesn’t sound like a lot.. but it is. I mean, I guess I don’t really know how else they could’ve shown each individual family member without taking up too much time. But, yeah. All the footage is set to another stock song, and I’m assuming it was written just for this episode. They lyrics are “Now go go, Mr. Crazy Legs! Now no no!! Don’t you drop those eggs!” Much like “Casa de Fiesta” this gets stuck in my head all the time.

??????

We get another one of my favorite lines when the family is resting a bit before the last big event — The father/son kayak race. Donnie is icing his shoulder and says “I think I just ripped a delt.” Louis is extremely insulted and exclaims “Well, that’s pretty rude. I’M EATING.” So good. They have a run-in with their biggest competition, a super jacked father/son duo from Perth Australia, Porter and Quincy. 

Donnie was set to row in the race, but now he can’t with his bad shoulder. So Steve says very dramatically “All I can say is..… I’m glad I have two sons!” and it pans to Louis stuffing his face with a cupcake. 

Why is this so funny?! lol. 

Louis really doesn’t want to disappoint Steve, so he decides to cheat just so Team Stevens can win. He drills a hole in Quincy’s kayak. Wow, Louis. If I were in charge of this picnic, I would’ve been so suspicious as to how Louis Stevens — a small, awkward kid who lives on junk food and can’t run a decent lap without busting a lung… was able to beat teenage bodybuilder and potential crocodile hunter Quincy. Quincy was clearly sinking, like… obviously something was up with his kayak. But no one cares. LOUIS WON!

Now we get to the absolute best part of the episode. The thing that made me rank this episode higher. The second montage! Louis' conscience kicks in, and we see that he feels soooo incredibly guilty. Everywhere he goes he hears the word "Cheater" even when it's not actually being said. It’s hilarious to me. He fully melts down in school when his teacher starts talking about Cheetahs. It's amazing. It's one of those scenes I just have to embed.

Tawny is rightfully concerned about Louis’ little panic attack and asks him if he feels guilty about something. This is another one of my favorite Louis lines: “Guilty? Right. Even if I was — WHICH I’M NOT! — I would do the healthy thing, and keep it tightly bottled up inside of me.” What a legend. Tawny tells him the story of The Tell-Tale Heart, and he gets to flustered under the pressure.. he confesses. He starts off the explanation with “Donnie ripped a delt thingy and I was eating a cupcake and everything was all screwed up” which I love so much.

At dinner that night, the family is going around the table saying all the good things each of them accomplished that day. But, when it gets to Louis he just says “I cheated in the kayak race” which opens the flood gates for everyone else to confess to cheating or not being honest, good people lol wow. Eileen says she punched a squirrel on her way up the tree. Which is just… Wow. Imagine that poor squirrel. Steve is disappointed in his family, but sort of blames himself for putting so much pressure on all of them. True.

Steve starts questioning his parenting, wondering what he’s taught the kids, and Louis says “you’ve taught us that it’s better to play fair and lose than to win by cheating” — Well, that’s very specific and relevant advice! Why didn’t you follow THAT, Louis?! In the end, Louis apologizes to Steve and they make up. It’s a nice father/son moment.

Louis still feels bad, so he challenges Quincy to a rematch — Loser has to do the other’s chores for the week. Obviously he loses and that's why he's mowing Quincy’s lawn at the beginning! “Boy, do those Aussie’s have a lot of yard work” he says, as it zooms out to reveal a totally not CGI lawn.

I like this episode. The cheater montage does it for me. Shia is brilliant! As usual. Other than that, I like that there was a lesson in there, that Louis actually had a conscience, and that he bonded with Steve a bit. I also love whenever Tawny acts as Louis’ personal therapist, lol. They’re great together. There’s also no Ren subplot (or subplot in general!) So that’s different.

We’re almost into the #30s!! What the heck!! AHHH!

Thanks for reading!

For this episode’s Redbubble design, you can now get your own “Team Stevens” shirt! Ayyyyy!

Share your thoughts via Disqus below! It’s seriously great to hear from you.

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[wellpurorganics-blog]

Difference In Between Organic and also Natural - Easy Overview | Wellpur Organics

Organic is the brand-new buzzword.

  Yet there are distinctions in between Certified Organic, Organic as well as Natural that you may be wondering about as well as need to certainly understand.

  Everyone seems to be discussing it, the mommies at the institution canteen, your boss on her "only eco-friendly vegetables will certainly enter my air" diet plan, and maybe even your teenage child in an effort to get rid of the pimples she really did not welcome along on her puberty journey.

  Yet like all buzzwords, there is a great deal of misconstruing around the word and some nasty problems also. Believe it or not, the idea of organic is actually quite simple, much like everything Nature associated. Generally, anything complex as well as incorrect with it is possibly triggered by mortals, and possibly some vampires ... however that's one more story.

CBD cream

If staying on top of all the natural subtleties is doing your head in, don't stress. This overview should establish you straight.

  1. There actually is a difference ...

  In Between Licensed Organic, Organic and also Organic/Natural based items, that is. I do not condemn you for being a little iffy regarding this set because as a person submersed in this area of proficiency, you would certainly assume I 'd have this one down pat by now.

  Seriously, I believed I did.

  Yet as I talked with a potential representative in Thailand recently, I became aware that maybe I just understood the difference in Australia. In all my naivety, I actually (rather unreasonably, it appears) believed that maybe there would be a worldwide definition for Organics. Foolish me because that would certainly make it, oh I do not understand, easy!

  It turns out that in Australia a minimum of, Licensed Organic describes items that are Organic and have actually been declared thus by an ideal government/independent body. Companies that are producing Certified Organic Products most likely have Chief executive officers that have actually lost all their hair now. I'm not kidding; I 'd in fact be prepared to put a wager on it which is stating something considering my disappointing wagering document. Obtaining Organic Accreditation is not a tiny task, it takes loads of time, great deals of documents, going back and also forth a billions times and also lots of financing.

  Organic is most likely (do not shoot me, I did say most likely and even italicised it) specifically the very same in terms of quality as well as handling as Certified Organic without the main badge of honour. What stops some individuals from purchasing organic however is that there's no official evidence. It's like swearing that you saw a spaceship without the picture to verify it. You might be questioning why I've italicised official two times previously. It's because the suppliers of Organic Products should have some kind of documentation specifying that the products have actually had no chemical and also unnatural processing taking place before it got to your fingertips. Must does not constantly mean they do, which is wrong. Really wrong. A minimum of in my publication anyhow however we all have different yardsticks ... you understand.

  Essentially natural products are based on relying on the manufacture reasonably. Though there's no main qualification, the document specifying the above still implies the supplier better be telling the truth or they're most likely to be in hot water if somebody figures out otherwise.

CBD supplements

Organic/Natural Based is typically described as Organic by Default.

  What this implies is that an organic based item is most likely to be exactly the means Mother Nature intended. It's like expanding your own tomatoes in your backyard and then offering them at your youngsters' lemonade stand. They were grown specifically the method the environment desired them grown, the naturally ideal method and also you do not need to have any kind of paperwork stating so because well, Nature really did not pass one along, did she? Since if she did why are you right here reading this blog post? Go as well as tell somebody now and also get abundant as well as famous.

  2. Should you also trouble or is Organics nothing greater than a buzzword for my much richer neighbour?

  Honestly, I'm going to place my foot in it since it is one of my leading 3 abilities on my return to.

  Though I am virtually accountable (when my daddy isn't enjoying) of a Certified Organic/Organic/Organic based lasting organisation situated in a little picturesque town that makes it hard not to be encouraged to live as closely to nature, the reality is that there is no extensive proof that natural is really better for you.

  But ... due to the fact that you know there's constantly a however, many individuals who advocate Organic Products will never tire of informing you that you can't put a price on sound judgment, or as my mum claim's, sound judgment is not an asset cost the local veggie market. You have no idea how much making use of that claiming pained me because it was the eccentric reaction I would certainly usually get when I returned residence as well as informed her concerning something silly I did (which till today, remains to be often).

  It makes sense to use what Earth has produced so bountifully for us viewing as we're simply one of the numerous productions of Mother earth. It's fascinating just how every continent has actually managed ahead up with something beneficial naturally for its residents. India has Neem (The Tree of the 21st Century as stated by the United Nations), Australia has Tea Tree Oil, the United States has Echinacea while Europe has Geranium ... you obtain it. Nature's made it so there's something for every person.

  What this signals to Organic fanatics is that the atmosphere understands ideal. There's a reason why certain plants and also natural herbs are native to the locations that they are, they're made up of things that your body requires due to where you live. Ineloquent, I understand, but you've got it down-pat.

  What does this mean for All-natural Product fans? They want to put their buck where their mouth is and also pay for what they believe is going to maintain them and their families healthy and balanced because it's only mosting likely to save them a great deal of moolah and distress on healthcare facility expenses later on in life. Simply saying.

  3. Okay, whatever. But why are Organic Products so much extra costly?

  I obtain it. They really are.

  As well as while it doesn't truly cost you an arm as well as a leg to live organically (no a few of our clients, it actually does not), they do cost greater than their non-organic, chemical loaded alternatives.

  Individuals can't typically wrap their head around why this is specifically so I believed I would certainly offer you my two cents, naturally!

  I can not inform you how difficult it is to get Qualified Organic Products status due to the fact that this is a PG write-up as well as my key-board is most likely to break after I make it through all the vow words ... from every language on earth as well as Uranus. Primarily, it's as difficult as um, nails.

  As you can visualize, it is difficult to make sure that your field of fruit and vegetables is entirely, 100% all-natural. This is because mainly, fields are frequently clumped together as well as not all areas in a location are declaring to be organic. Which means that chemicals utilized on one field can extremely naturally (because of weather conditions such as wind changes and also rainfall) land up on a "Qualified Organic" area.

  Certified Organic farmers are usually incredibly stressed out undoubtedly. Imagine needing to make sure that the climate listened to your impulses as well as fantasizes. Don't think me, have a look at this (what some would certainly refer to as ridiculous) newspaper article. It is becoming increasingly expensive for cultivators of natural produce (as well as difficult) to fulfil the needs of natural qualification which is verifying to be a substantial burden on farmers who (generally) are attempting in earnest to do the ideal point.

  Sure, organic fruit and vegetables is quick obtaining appeal however the headaches surrounding the promo and growth around it makes qualified chemical-free farming more of a labour of love than anything else. Organic farmers truly do count on the principle of collaborating with Mother earth instead of versus it. They count on permitting the Planet to care for its create the way it was constantly planned, with all-natural resistances to parasites and permitting foods to grow when they're meant to.

  Organic farmers need to pass a little bit of the expenditure of expanding their produce onto the customer to make certain that every person is getting the best, most all-natural product possible.

  4. Do I actually need Organics?

  Well, do you actually require those brand-new set of Louis Vuitton shoes or that Versace match you have actually had your eye on for the past six months. Possibilities are no. However that does not transform you desiring them, right?

  It's practically the same for Health food, other than as opposed to advancing from our somewhat (attempt I say) vain area, the need for health foods is possibly coming from our gut and taste buds.

  Your body wants natural and also normally made and expanded produce and though there is no main proof that you need it, I would personally rather count on my internal organs understanding what's good for them than what some scientist (perhaps financed or lined up to some huge international) is teaching to me.

  Though I am sceptical of my taste the majority of the time (particularly when they crave hot french fries as well as some sour lotion as well as chives dip so they do not get lonesome), when they inform me a particular organically expanded tomato needs to get on the food selection tonight, I pay attention a bit much more diligently (primarily due to the fact that they appear to be acting themselves - which is rare).

  So, to cut a lengthy story (or in this situation short article) short, though I may not require organics, I absolutely want them. Similar to my next pair of Louis Vuitton's so hands off!

  5. Seasonal Foods are much better for you?

  Genuinely Organic Foods are seasonal by their very meaning. Due to the fact that they're grown the way nature intends, they grow when they're supposed to which commonly suggests that your body is obtaining the nutrients it's meant to when it requires them one of the most.

  They also have less of an influence on the atmosphere which has reached be an advantage, right? Not only do consuming seasonal fruits make certain that regional farmers have even more of a possibility when battling versus big multinationals and less expensive rates from overseas, it also ensures that the produce you take in is most likely to be fresher and also therefore healthier.

  Organic generate that is likewise locally generated is the very best alternative as it implies that you're assisting to send your tough made money back right into your priceless community which will just offer to make everybody around you happier as well as much more solvent, which has got to be a benefit, right? You enjoy, you're neighbour's satisfied, the canine's delighted ... you understand. I bet you're currently really feeling better, am I right?

  However however, frequently regional farmers can not manage to end up being certified natural, nonetheless numerous regional farmers may already be using organic techniques (without the certification to prove it). See your neighborhood farmers market and also talk to the farmers marketing their produce, you might simply locate that what they're doing is already natural anyway. Want some even more information on why every person should be bonkers regarding in your area expanded food? We hear you.

  6. There is a recurring promote Organic Foods to be much more Fairtrade

  Organic generate is not assured to be Fairtrade, allow me simply placed that available prior to you spam me with hate mail. I'm more of an enthusiast, you see.

  There is a basic consensus that Organic as well as Fairtrade need to be joined together to far better offer the atmosphere and community. Nevertheless, as severe as it might seem, people have a tendency to be much less worried about their setting when the more pressing issues of getting food on the table for their family members is at the center of their mind which is why there is such a push for natural fruit and vegetables to additionally be Fairtrade, especially in developing countries.

  Let's be completely truthful right here, it's not rocket science, is it? Every person's (no matter society or territories) primary priority is attending to their family members. Fairtrade techniques make sure that farmers have the ability to maintain a suitable way of life which makes it much easier and also profitable for them to guarantee that the produce reaching your dining tables are as natural and also all-natural as possible. It's a win-win solution for everyone as well as considering just how far and also couple of in between they remain in general life, I claim get it with both hands when we can.

  7. Organic Foods last much longer

  In 2015 I was so stunned to see how fresh my organically grown plums (from my yard) looked almost four weeks after being chosen. I think I have my stunning plum tree (I have actually nicknamed her Plumpilicious) to say thanks to for piquing my rate of interest in the wonder of generate grown the way Mother earth meant (and also the scrumptious fruit my neighbors, officemateses and also I obtained as well from Plumpilicious's stunning bounty).

  As it turns out, organic fruit and vegetables truly does last longer than their more traditionally grown peers.

  Which makes you ask yourself, doesn't it? What do un-organic items have in them, that also after all the preservatives and also chemicals in them, they rot quicker? I have absolutely no idea yet short articles similar to this one certainly dropped a lot more light on the subject.

  So, in the end, I would certainly suggest that it depends upon the kind of fruit and vegetables with regards to whether organic or their non-organic counterparts last much longer. Or it could just be that Plumpilicious is one of a kind, I always had a hint.

  To cover this all up ... Are you sold on Organics or otherwise?

  I hope that this rather comprehensive overview has actually aided get rid of some of the mistaken beliefs and also confusion around the whole Organic idea for you. If nothing much more, I wish it exists you with some great write-ups for you to sink your teeth into around the rapid ending up being popular Organic space.

  Many of our consumers are uncertain as well as unsure of what the purposes of Organic products are as well as whether they're deserving of all the hype they're accessing the minute. After operating in an Organically geared organisation, I can't tell you to go out and also swap all your non-organic items with natural since that would look suspicious. Yet, I would highly advise you to try the idea out after educating yourself on the whole ball of wax.

  I can present you with numerous truths as well as numbers (as well as study and also testimonials) on why you need to go the Organic path but in the end, human beings like to try before they buy. It's this remarkable curious mind we have actually all been talented (or cursed - whatever you favor) with.

[airadam]

Episode 125 : The Audacity Of Dope

"In the land of the free, the slaves are still here."

- Jerry Beeks

The grind continues, and as the autumn starts to really draw in, the selection gets you prepared for full hoodie and boot season with some rugged sounds from the old to the new!

A couple of events for you...

The Flyest @ Klondyke Club, Manchester, November 15th - guest starring me on the turntables!

Artifacts ft. DJ Mr.Len @ Joshua Brooks, November 30th

Twitter : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Royal Flush : Life Is Hard

Royal Flush is known to most for his debut "Ghetto Millionaire" album, but he definitely has had some other solid tracks over the years. While this is on the 2019 release "The Governor", it was first heard on the 2005 "Street Boss" album. The production (don't have credits for this one) is top-notch, with the eerie and dramatic instrumental sounding very noir - a perfect backdrop for Flush's grim Queens thug braggadocio.

[Maxmillion] Panda One : Elaborate (Touch You) (Instrumental)

There's another track on this 2002 12" that has been the favourite for me for a long time, but on a re-visit this month I had to give this beat a little bit of light! The sample it's based around has been used before, but not quite like this - good job by Maxmillion.

Phi Life Cypher : Earth Rulers

One of my favourite rhyme duos with a killer single! DJ Beware put me up on this one back in the day, but I only recently got my own vinyl copy. Si Phili and Life just firehose lyrics right down the DJ Nappa-produced track, in a way any fan of bars has to appreciate. The finishing touches are provided by the dancehall samples, which I think come from recordings of the veteran Earth Ruler sound system - the little one-bar sample that drops in in place of a hook is absolute fire! 

Redlight Boogie ft. DJ Chainsaw : Hands Down

Amsterdam's Redlight Boogie yells, snarls, and spits his way through this cut from the "Dirty Money, Clean Hands" album - abrasive like a sack of Brillo pads. DJ Chainsaw drops in for some cuts at the close, which end up blending over the scratches from... 

Gang Starr : Bad Name

Huge new single which the heavy Hip-Hop listeners will surely have had on repeat the last few weeks! Easily the biggest musical surprise of the last few years has been the news that a new Gang Starr album release is imminent, and that there have been unreleased Guru vocals in the vault all these years. The "Family & Loyalty" single stunned everyone, and this follow-up will keep the buzz going until the LP drops. DJ Premier on production, the late great Guru on the mic - it's what we've been missing.

Bronx Slang : More Grief

It's been great to see Bronx Slang getting momentum up this year off the back of their excellent debut album, and it just so happens that this track that I was planning to play anyway turns out to be their new single! Jerry Beeks gets busy on the mic with the kind of consciousness that a lot of people swear doesn't exist in music these days, while Jadell packs in the funk to complete the soulful stew. Don't sleep!

Jay Dee : Jay Dee #17

Big shout to Iain and Teresa for hooking up a release I needed in my collection - "King of the Beats" by J Dilla! Lots of unreleased beats on this one, as well as a few the hardcore listeners might know. This particular beat bounces along with that characteristic Dilla swing, focusing on the low end for a pleasing groove.

Skyzoo & Pete Rock : Ten Days

If you like Pete Rock beats, you want to get the new "Retropolitan" album - 100% Soul Brother #1, with Brooklyn's Skyzoo helming mic proceedings throughout. This isn't the kind of beat that you automatically associate with Rock, but it just goes to show he can be versatile with it. Skyzoo is on that "get money" talk here, with a hook that conjures up this scene from "Paid In Full". As an aside - I totally forgot that the closing track on this album shares the podcast title, which I've wanted to use with the cover photo for a while!

Black Moon : A Haaa

My goodness, what a wait - sixteen years since the "Total Eclipse" album (2006's "Alter the Chemistry" was dope, but essentially a remix project), but at last Black Moon are back in full effect on "Rise of da Moon"! One of the original Timbs and hoodies crews, this episode wouldn't have been right without them. This tune is short but a banger, with a heavy digital bassline anchoring things while Buckshot showcases the flow and flavour that made him famous. Also check that heavy boom that kicks in between the 1 and 2 beats of each bar!

Black Thought ft. Styles P : Making A Murderer

Devastation from last year's "Streams of Thought, Volume 1" EP. More bars than HMP, more bars than Temple Bar. Black Thought is one of the world's best MCs, who needs no hook and offers no reprieve on his fire first verse. It's a brave man who would get on the mic after him, but Styles P takes the challenge and does himself proud - rising to the occasion. 9th Wonder's instrumental beats you into submission in the best way with the heaviness of the drum track, but it's Thought that holds the murder weapon here.

Children of Zeus : Ghost

CoZ maintained their hot streak of great music with "The Winter Tape", and it's just about the season for those tunes to get a re-airing. Tyler Daly takes sole charge of the vocals for this haunting tale of lost love. 

Vanilla : Sweet Talk

The title track from the last of the soul-inspired beat tape trilogy by this UK producer is a smooth one. Vanilla works a melancholy 70s soul sample, and the drums are suitably subtle so as not to overpower it.

Professor Griff and the Last Asiatic Disciples : The Verdict

This is the first of two tracks from albums that opened up the nineties, just as we start to look towards a new decade. Professor Griff's solo debut album "Pawns in the Game" came during his initial suspension/expulsion, and found him on unfamiliar ground as he was not a rhyme writer by trade. Still, he delivered the rhymes with conviction (no pun intended) on a song that opens with a take on Louis Farrakhan's short play "The Trial", and the rest of the L.A.D come through too. Beat Master Clay D provides the beat, based on a familiar break that never gets old but packed with other samples in a way that is unaffordable in terms of clearance fees these days...

Master Ace : I Got Ta

When the Juice Crew veteran's name was still spelled this way, the year was 1990, haircuts were angular, and Ace was making his solo debut on the highly regarded "Take A Look Around", from which this track is taken! Mister Cee takes a classic James Brown sample and keeps the Godfather's voice in for Master Ace to work around lyrically as he states his intentions.

Joell Ortiz ft. Jadakiss, Sheek Louch, and Styles P : Put Some Money On It

Second straight tune working a vocal sample into the lyrics - this time, from the 2011 "Free Agent" mixtape with The LOX making a great guest appearance. Straight street bars all the way through, and Sean C and LV with the uptempo soul/funk production for a big win.

Sampa The Great ft. Krown : Time's Up

Massive thanks to Agent J for gifting me this LP! From Zambia via Botswana and Australia comes Sampa, whose new LP "The Return" jumps around stylistically but never lets you forget that this is an MC of quality. She and the featured guest Krown take the machinations of the record industry to task on this one and announce that the clock has run out on their BS. Silentjay's beat starts off centred around those stick hits to remind you of a clock, then brings those lows in to drive it forward. Definitely an album worth a listen!

Boogie Down Productions : Duck Down (Instrumental)

Early 90s ruggedness on this 12" release from the "Sex & Violence" LP. KRS and Pal Joey smack the beat into the drum sampler here, and right at the end you hear the sound effect that plays under one of Hip-Hop's best-remembered calls for a rewind!

Edgar Allen Floe : Arrest The President (Cypher God)

We played the original version of this track to open episode 90, almost three years ago, but I only recently learned that there was a remake! Edgar Allen Floe of the Justus League does a solid job with this, covering similar themes as the original and even borrowing some of the rhyme scheme while switching up the words themselves. The dope beat is pretty much the exact same as the Marley Marl-produced original, bringing that hectic 80s urgency and just begging to be cut up every time. Check out more of Floe's work on the rest of the album, "The Streetwise LP".

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

  Check out this episode!

[samanthasroberts]

Why Did It Take America So Long to Have Female Bartenders?

On Oct. 17, 1891, “Colonel” William Heyward, owner of the Standard Buffet at 231 Broadway in New York City, across the street from the old Post Office (now replaced by City Hall Park), explained to his head bartender that he was going to replace the latter’s subordinates with a quartet of barmaids brought in from London and asked him to train them in the intricacies of American mixology and supervise their work.

Nobody in the world was better fitted to that task than the man before him. William Schmidt, alias “the Only William,” was the most celebrated bartender and mixologist in America, a consummate artist at mixing drinks and, equally important, an eloquent and precise explainer of the intricacies of his art. Indeed, at the time, he was on the verge of publishing The Flowing Bowl, his landmark book dedicated to the topic.

With William’s tutelage and recipes and the charm and brisk efficiency characteristic of British barmaids, the Standard Buffet would be packing them in with a trowel. There was only one problem: William would have none of it. “He could not afford to endanger his professional standing by consenting to work as [the barmaids’] director,” he told the Colonel. That same night, his last at the bar, he told his regulars simply, “I will not stand behind the bar with a lady.”

He was a little more voluble to the press, as was his wont. “English barmaids can draw ale, but do you think that all of them put together could mix a ‘La Premier’ that would be fit to drink? And how about a ‘Life Prolonger,’ ‘Anticipation,’ ‘Sweet Recollections,’ Brain Dusters’ and ‘Canary Birds.’ Could they mix them?”

Now, this was as fair as it was strictly grammatical, which is to say not much. No barman in America would be able to mix those drinks either, not unless William taught him, since they were all his original creations and none had as yet appeared in print. But playing fair was not the traditional American way when it came to women and bars.

In England, when one entered an alehouse, coffeehouse, tavern, or inn—anywhere drinks were sold across a bar—it was customary since time immemorial to see a woman behind that bar. She pulled the pints of ale, opened the bottles of wine, poured the drams of brandy, rum or gin and even mixed the Punch, Gin Twist and other typical English drinks.

In fact, it was women who made the first experiment in modern bartending possible, when James Ashley decided that all the Punch sold at his new London Coffee House would be mixed to order in front of his customers, and that he would sell it in quantities as small as a “tiff” (basically, a juice glass). Ashley was the host, but his head barkeeper, Mrs. Gaywood (alas her first name has yet to be uncovered), and her crew of young women did all the actual mixing and serving of drinks, and collected all the money for it. That was in 1731.

Yet when the next major advance in the art occurred, which saw ice incorporated into the drinks and a far greater variety of individual beverages mixed to order, women were almost entirely absent. That took place in America, in the opening decades of the nineteenth century. There, women had been excluded from behind the bar since Colonial days. Certainly, by the beginning of the nineteenth century the barmaid was, as one American who came across them in England noted in 1826, “a character rarely known in the United States.” Where one was found, what’s more, it was generally considered to speak badly for both her character and that of the bar. That taboo—sometimes, in some places made explicit by law, otherwise “merely” customary—lasted until the 1960s as a general matter, albeit with ever more frequent exceptions, and it still lingers to this day in dark, festering little pockets of the bar world.

Unfortunately, bartending as a profession hasn’t received the historical study warranted by its longstanding importance in daily life (and here I’m not just talking about mine). I know of no book dedicated to this precise historical conundrum—why were there no barmaids in America?—and at this remove it remains a riddle. At the time, even Schmidt, the most floridly articulate of nineteenth-century bartenders, when pressed to justify his belief that “it was wrong to intrust [sic] ladies with the tools of his trade,” could only offer the tautology, “I don’t think that their place is behind the bar” because “behind the bar is no place for a woman,” and mutter darkly that “I doubt that any barmaid will ever succeed in making a good mixed drink.”

It would have been good if one of the journalists who seemingly hung on William’s every word had persuaded him to expound on those reasons. For the first, the idea that behind the bar is no place for a woman, he would have probably said something like this:

“Here in America our bars are rather rough places, even the fanciest ones, and always have been. There’s drinking, of course, and you know how that makes men act, and there’s usually some gambling going on, whether it’s euchre or faro tables or just dicing for drinks. There’s smoking and spitting and Lord knows there’s foul language and all kinds of other swinish behavior, from pissing in the cuspidors to passing out drunk on the floor to gut-puking and worse. And that isn’t the worst of it—there’s also the fisticuffs and the flying chairs and the gunplay. People get shot in our bars. We don’t want to subject women to that, or any of these things.” (Okay, he wouldn’t have mentioned the pissing and the puking, but no doubt he would have thought about them.)

There is some truth in this. American bars were rough. The American propensity to haul out a gun and say it with lead is nothing new, and even a marble palace of mixology such as San Francisco’s Bank Exchange Saloon, the home of Pisco Punch, had the occasional shooting, like when someone put a bullet through Joseph Hayes’ brain at 7:30 one Monday evening in 1888 (nobody didn’t see nuttin’). As for the smoking and spitting and swearing and gambling and whatnot, well, sure.

But men smoked in England, gambled there, drank and behaved badly there and the barmaids managed to take it in stride. (Fine, the spitting was a purely American thing, caused by our habit of chewing on plugs of tobacco.) And if there was less shooting, there was still some. And back in the eighteenth century, when every would-be gentleman carried a lethal little stabbing sword at all times, English bars had witnessed a shocking amount of bloodshed, and the barmaids managed to survive that well enough.

But you didn’t have to go all the way to England to find female bartenders thriving. America is a big place and American women are plenty tough and determined. Despite custom and law and all those men, some women always found their way behind the bar.

A thorough examination of the lives and careers of these pioneers deserves a whole book, not a couple of paragraphs in a drink column, and I hope one day soon they will get one.

In the meanwhile, a few names that would have to be included.

One would need to begin with Catherine “Kitty” Hustler (1762-1832), who was immortalized (as “Betty Flanagan”) by James Fenimore Cooper in his 1821 novel, The Spy, set during the Revolution in the so-called Neutral Ground that lay in Westchester County, New York, between the British lines and the American ones to their north. Born Catherine Cherry in Pennsylvania, she married Thomas Hustler, a Continental soldier, in 1777 and—the important part—supposedly kept a tavern in the Neutral Ground (that part is hard to document, understandably), where she either invented or helped to spread that quintessential American drink: the cocktail. She was keeping a tavern outside Buffalo when Cooper met her in the 1810s.

Then there’s Martha King Niblo (1802-1851). Born in New York City to a porterhouse-keeper, she grew up in the trade (one of the only sanctioned paths for women to work behind the bar was as part of a family business, a fact which, in the 1850s, led Fritz Adolphy, a St. Louis beer-garden proprietor, to legally adopt all 90 of his barmaids when the city fathers moved to get rid of them). When her husband, William Niblo, opened “Niblo’s Garden,” an outdoor space dedicated to music, relaxation and refreshments north of the city in what is now SoHo, Martha ran the bar. She may also have invented the mighty Sherry Cobbler, one of the most popular drinks of the nineteenth century. She certainly took a large hand in popularizing it.

San Francisco would deserve a chapter of its own, covering everything from the saloon where, as a British traveler found in 1853, “three comely-looking American girls tend bar, and are deep in the mystery of making rum punches, brandy smashers and gin cocktails,” to—well, you could take your pick. San Francisco in the early days was a wide-open town, where standard American norms and taboos were very much open to renegotiation and, in 1852, of the 127 retail liquor establishments listed in the City Directory, 20 were kept by women. Now, the majority of these were in the “Barbary Coast,” the city’s rowdy vice district, and were probably, let us say, extended-service establishments. But they also included bars like Mrs. Waters’ Arcade, which featured concerts, Mrs. Whitney’s large saloon, on Commercial Street, and above all Ellen Moon’s Cottage, on California Street. Mrs. Moon, a Welshwoman who came to the city from Australia, was something of a local fixture, running first the Cottage and then the much-beloved Ivy Green, on Merchant Street, until her suicide in the 1863.

One could go on: Why shouldn’t there be some recognition of women, such as Christiana Berresheim, in 1911 the oldest barmaid in Massachusetts and the only one in Boston; the “smart, dashing” Kate McMillen of Cincinnati; or even poor Jane Robinson, shot to death behind the bar of her and her husband’s saloon in Dennison, Ohio, in 1882?

Of course, these are the rare exception; their names only recoverable now with much digging, but they were known in their day and are enough to have proven to someone like William that women could do the job. Nor were those bad conditions William and his ilk deplored immutable. That is proved handily by the experience of one San Francisco saloonkeeper who, in 1886, installed behind the bar of his large establishment on Fourth Street a young woman who was ready “with a demure look and a condescending smile for the highly respectable habitués of the place, and a mixed air of superiority and indifference for ordinary ‘drunks’ and loudly dressed ‘dudes.’”

“No ruffianism,” he told a reporter, “no loud swearing or vulgar language, no fights or glass breaking are ever seen or heard in my place nowadays, and I attribute the peaceful and church-like state of things to the presence of my lady bartender, while at the same time I never did a better business.”

This suggests that what was really keeping the women out was the fact that whatever men said, they didn’t want to clean up their behavior and they were keeping the women out so they didn’t have to.

But that’s too simple and puts women on a pedestal. As our Fourth Street saloonkeeper noted, “of course there are girls and girls,” and there were plenty working behind the bar who would, if anything, have encouraged rowdy behavior.

So far we’ve just been talking about women in the “respectable” saloons. There were also plenty of women working in low dives, tough women such as Frances Schultze and her barkeeper, Martha Zutgesell, who beat the hell out of a strike-breaking cop when he tried to drag a striker out of their Chicago saloon in 1903. Or Jane Hynard, Mary Miller and “Bertha,” all hauled in on the same night in 1879 (from separate bars) for breaking the New York Excise law, or Salina Freeman, an African-American bartender from Richmond, who, in 1900, got fined $10 for sparking a five-way rumble in another saloon.

In fact, the further down the socioeconomic scale one goes, the more one is likely to find a woman behind the bar, which—those bars not coincidentally being the most dangerous, although often not by a lot—neatly turns the “no place for a woman” argument on its head.

That leaves us with William’s other argument: that women were incapable of mastering the intricacies of the craft. Here, he did actually attempt to explain what he meant:

“I do not think that a bartender should be merely a beer slinger… I believe that a conscientious bartender, who knows his business, should have a higher aim than simply mixing drinks. It is his privilege to prescribe for his customers the drinks that will suit them best the different hours of the day. The art of properly mixing drinks and calculating their effect is a delicate one, and much too difficult for ladies to learn.”

I’d like to hear what Mrs. Gaywood or Martha King Niblo would have to say to such obvious horseshit. I’m sure Lottie Brummer and her sister Annie, Nellie Lanhan and Maggie Connolly, Col. Haywood’s four barmaids, had a good laugh at it and all or William’s other fulminations. Sure, it took them a little while to get up to speed. But after a week training with one Sam Bergen, who taught them the basic recipes, and another week or two of practice, they did just fine.

“American drinks?” one of them told a reporter from the New York Sun a month into the gig, “Oh, we’ve found them no trouble… American drinks are very easy to make, really. As for cocktails—and those we find are the most common drinks by far—we learned to make them in no time. We’ve also learned all about fizzes, and, in fact, everything that has ever been called for.”

The only thing that gave them any trouble was a popular bit of foolishness known as the Pousse Café, which involved layering various spirits and liqueurs on top of one another in a tiny cordial glass. To be honest, that one gives me more than a little trouble, too. I’ll bet it even vexes a modern bar-master like Jeffrey Morgenthaler or Ivy Mix, maybe just a bit.

And yet Schmidt kept claiming that he wanted women out from behind the bar because they couldn’t mix the drinks. Indeed, years later, he convinced another reporter from the Sun, too lazy to double check thing in the paper’s morgue, that the women actually “gave up in despair” when confronted with orders for the various American drinks, rather than mixing them to their customers’ satisfaction, which is what really happened. (As far as I can determine, the women lasted at the bar until sometime in mid-1892, when Hayward ran into some of his periodic business problems; eventually he and William were reunited.)

So if it wasn’t about mixing drinks, and it wasn’t about protecting the precious flower of American womanhood from the foul atmosphere of the bar, what was the taboo against barmaids about?

Any answer, I think, would have to be sketched out along these lines. During Colonial times, men fell into the job of tending bar, particularly in parts of the country where women were in short supply. With the diminished class system that prevailed over here, it wasn’t seen as a somehow degrading or unmanly service job. It was seen for what it was, a moneymaking job with a fair amount of independence and just enough craft to earn its expert practitioners the respect of a nice-sized chunk of the populace. The more men mystified that craft part of the job by mixing up outlandish concoctions, tossing drinks between cups in long liquid arcs, dashing this and that into the glass with knowing winks, setting things on fire, so on and so forth, the more they could justify their high pay—and their exclusive possession of the job.

Having spent an inordinate amount of time at modern craft cocktail bars, most of which (but, shamefully, not all of which) have no problem at all placing women behind the bar, I can confidently state that they’re fully as capable of mystifying the craft with pointless razzle-dazzle as the men are. And that, I believe, is progress.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/why-did-it-take-america-so-long-to-have-female-bartenders/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/05/26/why-did-it-take-america-so-long-to-have-female-bartenders/

[gunsfrhands]

here are things about me that nobody wanted to know, but i wanted to answer

1. What is your name? ELLEN 2. How old are you? 20 3. Are you sure? ??? /?? ? ? ? ?? 4. What is your earliest memory? something that is pink 5. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? i don’t drink, gurl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. What is your favorite vegetable? the humble potato 7. Do you remember your first day at school? ya 8. What is the worst exam result you remember ever getting? 50% for both year 12 maths methods exams lolol 9. How tall are you? 5'5  10. Can you swim? splish splash! yep! 11. Who is your favorite movie actress? i really don’t care 12. Who is your favorite movie actor? ibid.  13. Who is your favorite comedian? bo burnham ? idk

14. Who is your favorite politician? hmm i disagree a lot with this q. i agree with a lot of politicians and i think some are cool and interesting people, but having a “favourite politician” would be putting them on a pedestal?? and like when u do that it makes it harder to disagree with them when they have a BAD opinion on some issues. i don’t think that’s good. i think we need to always be critical of politicians no matter how groovy some seem. 

15. Who is your favorite historical figure (been dead for at least 100 years)? Louis XVI ! :O :O Tsar Nicholas II (even tho he’s only been dead for 99 years), Charlotte Corday!, Woodrow Wilson (BTW by “favourite” i’ve interpreted that as mOST inTeresting, i don’t necessarily think these historical figures were good people loL especially wilson ahhhh i just think his contribution in beginning wwii was super interesting, especially how wilsonian principles like self-determination influenced different nations, i think he wasnt a super great dude tho lol) hmmm, some more probs but i cannot recall at this time. 

16. Who is your favorite super-heroine?jessica jones ?? idk & idc 17. Who is your favorite super-hero? idc at all lol 18. Can you name a female scientist other than Madame Curie? yes lol omg ?????? jane goodall, marie pasteur, rosalind franklin ?? (even tho marie curie is my fav tho <3 ) i feel like if people don’t know about female scientists they NEED to do independent research bc they really don’t teach much at school !!!!!!! and the contributions of women throughout history are so important obvs. 19. Who is your favorite mythological god or goddess? ooooooo tricky tricky !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! athena is cool but idk if fave ??? i just like mythology itself and not specific gods in particular reallyyyyy

i deleted questions 20- 30 bc they were so weird lol 

31. What is the worst movie you have ever seen? omg last night i watched spy kids 4 , and it’s so bad that it’s past the point of being so bad that it’s funny (such as the room and birdemic, u feel?) this was just bad bad.  32. What is the worst TV show you have ever seen? i do not watch tv shows that are bad lolol 33. What is the worst book you have ever read? idk New moon mayB 34. What is the worst song you have ever heard? idc 35. What is the worst sport you know of? what do u mean by worst tho lol idk i dont have interest in many sports so idc enough for this q 36. Who is the worst movie "star" ever? i really don’t care about celebrity culture 37. Who is the worst comedian ever? idk, u feel ? it’s like... i have never witnessed ever comedian EveR so idk who is the worst, i feel like i would need to do extensive research to answer this.  38. Who is the worst author ever? there are plenty of bAD authors. i feel like i wanna say zoella lol. but ultimately, see above Q.  39. Who is the worst musical act ever? IDC 40. Who is the worst sports "star" you have ever seen? i dont understand so GOodbYE 41. If you could go back in time to witness an historical event in person, what event would you want to see? signing of treaty of versailles ??!?!?! i would say russian rev but that could be dANGERous ://////// 42. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? my bed, goodnight! 43. If you could meet anyone in the world, who would you meet? idc bc i feel like i could say a few different bands but ultimately, they don’t know who i am and they don’t care. meeting them would make me feel like OMG for a few mins, and then that would be it. i would think it was fun, they would forget me after 1 day and again, this weird kind of idolisation... i don’t think it’s healthy. people are just people. sO if i could meet anyone in the world, i would want to meet someone who is nice and who would ultimately become a nice and close friend for me! 44. If you could become famous for one thing, what would that thing be? bEING IN A BAND PLz 45. If you could buy anything regardless of cost, what would you buy? like how with genies you use ur last wish for infinite wishes, so like i would buy infinite money and i would get trapped in some kind of capitalist money loop where i am spending infinite money to buy infinite money. i think that would be cool  46. If you could change any one thing about your country, what would it be? ONE thing ?????? i live in australia, i would remove politicians like pauline hanson, dutton, joyce, morrison, abbott, frydenberg lol they would all just disappear from the public eye forEvER. OR even better i would LET REFUGEES SETTLE HERE , if u dont know , australia is literally THE WORST pls read up and learn about how inhumanely refugees who try to come to australia are treated. it’s awful http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-06-14/manus-island-why-are-asylum-seekers-suing-the-commonwealth/8610482

47. If you could change any one thing about international politics, what would it be? really. REALLY. I feel like this is so obvious that im not even going to say anything. thanks ok 48. If you could meet any famous person who is dead, who would it be? idc  49. If you could become dictator of the world, would you? a benevolent dictator sURE but UMMMMMM as much as i think i am cool and right about everything, i would for sure become corrupt, so no thanks.  50. If you could eat an entire cow at one sitting, would you? no thanks! 51. Have you ever illegally downloaded music/TV shows/movies from the net? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT LIMEWIRE IS I SWEAR 52. Have you ever used illegal narcotics? no 53. Have you ever gotten any points on your driving license? i’ve only done 8 houRS on my L plates lol so NO 54. Have you ever stolen anything from a shop? nop 55. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes while underage? nop 56. Have you ever bought alcohol or cigarettes for another person who was underage? nop

57. Have you ever tried to cheat the taxman/social security/other government agency? i don’t have any money lol idek how to pay taxes hehe

58. Have you ever ridden on a train or bus without paying? perhaps 59. Have you ever been arrested? nooono 60. Have you ever been charged with a crime ... ? nononoo 61. What's the furthest you've ever been from home? euROPE but idk which country in europe that i visited would be geographically furthest from australia... UK probs?? 62. Where have you visited that you would like to go back to? EVERYwhere in europeeee 63. Where would you like to visit that you haven't yet? stonehenge!  64. Where is your favorite place in the world? my bed, goodnight! 65. Where have you visited that you hope never to go to again? greece, i went in summer summer and air was hard to breathe and hot idk museums were cool but not again soz greece xoxo 66. Where would you definitely never go to? idk a bunch of places lol 67. Where is your least favorite place in the world? how would i know! hMM! 68. What is your favorite way to travel  ? my own two feet i really don’t like any other kinds of transport bc i am scared of trusting other people to transport me 69. What is your least favorite way to travel? boat maybe lollol 70. deleted bc idgi 71. What was the last movie you saw? spy kids 4 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!L O L 72. Was it any good? i answered this above ahhhehhhaehehaeo 73. What was the last book you read? a storm of swords 74. Was it any good? ya i guess 75. What was the last song you listened to? HUMDRUM BLUES BY THE GROWLERS 76. Was it any good? YESYESYSES! 77. What was the last computer game you played? Dolphin Olympics!!!!!! 78. Did you do well? Yes 79. What was the last meal you ate? gnocchi 80. Was it any good? nah

81. Do you believe in God/Goddess/Gods/Goddesses? nah 82. Do you agree with the war in Iraq? nah 83. Do you believe in aliens? liKE.... does it really matter what i think???? what ever i think doesn’t change the reality. but YA 84. Do you agree with the theory of evolution? OfC

85. Do you believe in reincarnation? ?? nA h ??? 86. Do you agree with the idea of the UN? United Nations (UN)? ya i guese ? ??  87. Do you believe in karma? meh 88. Do you agree with the theories of man-induced global warming? IT AIN”T JUST THEORIES GURL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAs

89. Do you believe in democracy above all other systems of government? hmmm ya  90. Do you agree with Freddie Mercury when he sings "Fat-bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round"?  w hh at a 91. What is your favorite movie?  SCHOOL OF ROCK. SCHOOL OF ROCK. SCHOOL OF ROCK. SCHOOL OF ROCK. 92. What is your favorite book? Animal Farm (ik im a cliche shh) 93. What is your favorite song? difficult question bc having favourite things is a bit weird imOP! buTTtttttt i will say rn it is proBS Tell it how it is, by the growlers, but that is just my fav like for this week, it will change soon lolol 94. What is your favorite city?  where i live ? lol idk 95. What is your favorite sport? NETBALL 96. What is your favorite place in the world? IDK and IDC!!!!!!!!!! 97. Are you glad these questions are almost over? I LOVE ANSWERING QS but all of these ones were pretty weak so yes 98. What are you going to do next? sleep 99. Do you anticipate this activity being fun? yesyeysyeyses 100. Give us a quote to end on...”i’ll kidnap a thousand children before i let this company die” - Mr Waternoose.