#the thing about jack is he was just a normal guy

[captainmalewriter]

The Jock Spell

With bated breath and blurry vision, Jeremy(?) stumbled over to the nearest mirror in the locker room. He looked at himself in the mirror while using the counter to hold himself up, and his jaw dropped when he saw his reflection.

“No, this wasn’t supposed to happen… Is that me?”

A couple of weeks ago, Jeremy Nguyen was just an average nerd with nothing particularly remarkable about him. He had a deep interest in all things fantasy-related. He graduated from college with relatively high marks and worked as a science teacher at his old high school. It wasn’t an exciting life by any means, but Jeremy was content with his simple, happy life. 

Aside from his usual nerdy hobbies, Jeremy had also started regularly hitting the gym ever since the new year rolled around. Sure he couldn’t lift more than 10 pounds and got tired after only about 8 minutes of light cardio, but it was the thought that counts. Not that it really mattered to Jeremy anyway. He wasn’t interested in becoming a full-blown gym rat or anything like that. Jeremy only started exercising so that his doctor wouldn’t give him yet another lecture about his health during his yearly physical. 

Jeremy pulled up to the gym one early afternoon. He normally went to the gym at night due to his busy work schedule as a teacher. However, thanks to an obscure local holiday, the schools were closed and he had the day off. Jeremy decided to switch up his usual routine and work out in the afternoon instead. He walked inside, did his warm-up stretching, and began his workout with some light hammer curls. The gym was surprisingly very packed that afternoon, especially compared to how empty it was at night. There were people everywhere! 

As Jeremy continued his workout, he noticed his gaze kept coming back to one particular man just across the free weights area from him. 

The guy was absolutely jacked from head to toe! Standing at 6’2” tall, he made a lot of other people in the gym look tiny by comparison. Jeremy watched with great awe as the muscular Adonis hit shoulders with dumbbells he could only ever dream of lifting off the ground, let alone work out with! 

However, despite the man’s amazing physique, Jeremy wasn’t attracted to him. He never liked the muscular look in men. Wasn’t really his type at all. Yet at the same time, Jeremy couldn’t stop looking at him for some reason. The man looked vaguely familiar. Jeremy racked his brain but couldn’t place his finger on it. It was weird. He tried ignoring him and just focusing on his workout, but then the man did something that made him remember exactly who he was. Near them was an overweight man who was struggling to get through a rep with just the barbell. The man watched him from afar and sneered like it was the funniest thing in the world. It was that cocky smirk that made bad old memories come flooding back in. 

The man’s name was Jared Taylor. 

That name and the arrogant smile that came with it haunted Jeremy for most of his teen years. To put it shortly, they had the stereotypical high school jock bully/scrawny nerd relationship you see in movies and TV. Jared loved teasing and making fun of others. Especially quiet nerds like Jeremy who played Pokémon in class after already finishing their work. Needless to say, Jeremy hated Jared with a passion. He was thrilled to finally be rid of the bastard when they graduated and went their separate ways. Jeremy went to study chemistry while Jared continued playing for some college football team. 

Jeremy never would’ve expected to see his former high school bully back in town. Thankfully, it didn’t seem like Jared recognized him (you would think he would after tormenting him for 4 years…) Plus, Jeremy always went to the gym during the nighttime anyway. He wouldn’t have to worry about seeing Jared Taylor ever again! 

Or so he thought. 

Much to Jeremy’s dismay, he kept seeing Jared every time he went to the gym. It didn’t matter if he went late at night or early in the morning before work, Jared was there— working out with some of the heaviest dumbbells the gym had to offer. 

Jeremy tried shrugging it off as mere coincidence, but his patience grew dangerously thin with every passing day he saw him. Jared’s cocky smile. His dominating presence. His haughty laugh just screamed, “I’m bigger, stronger, and just overall better than you!” Jared was already bad enough in high school, but he had only seen to have gotten worse with age! 

Then, on a random Saturday, Jeremy decided he had finally had enough. It was time someone stepped up and knocked the arrogant asshole down a peg or two. And who better to do it than the nerd he loved bullying every day? 

And so, Jeremy devised a plan to rid Jared of the one thing he loved more than trolling: his muscles.  Jeremy scoured through his massive collection of fantasy books and trinkets, searching for the magic he would need to pull off his plan. There were plenty of naysayers who didn't believe in magical powers, but Jeremy was never one of those muggles. He believed in magic ever since he was a kid and never stopped, even as he grew up. 

After extensive searching, Jeremy finally found a very old book of spells from back when he used to play D&D. The book puffed out a cloud of dust as Jeremy opened it for the first time in forever. An eerie smile emerged on Jeremy’s face as he read up on a spell designed to reverse a character’s stats and build. It was exactly what he needed to get revenge on Jared. 

Once he memorized how to perform the spell, Jeremy left for the gym that same night. Just as expected, Jared was there too. 

Luckily for Jeremy, the gym was empty that Saturday night, save for about a dozen people. The fewer potential witnesses, the better. 

Jared was busy hitting shoulders in the free weights area. Jeremy positioned himself so that he was just across from him in the cardio section. He had a clear shot of him. Once he was sure there was absolutely nobody watching, Jeremy set his plan into action. He used his fingernail to scratch the tip of his pointer finger until he bled out a couple of drops, then smeared it with his thumb and forefinger. Once that was done, Jeremy focused on his target and recited the spell. 

aketay awayyay isthay ansmay onfidencecay ybay urningtay imhay intoyay ethay ingthay ehay ateshay ethay ostmay

Jeremy’s finger shined a brilliant red as he finished casting the spell. A beam of light shot out of him as soon as he recited the last syllable, heading directly towards Jared. Jeremy smiled maniacally, knowing he was finally going to get his revenge after years of torment, though unfortunately, his pleasure was only short-lived. His smile faded as he watched Jared bend over to pick up a dumbbell, causing the spell to miss its intended target. Instead, the light hit the mirror, ricocheted, and hit Jeremy square in the chest, knocking him off the treadmill. 

God-DAMN IT!! How could I mess up such an easy shot!?

Jeremy writhed in agony. He couldn’t believe his plan failed just because of a little timing slip-up. Red with embarrassment, Jeremy forced himself to get up despite the great pain he was in. As he rushed over to the guy’s locker room to hide himself, the spell activated. 

Jeremy held his arms to his stomach as an intense wave of nausea washed over him. A strange warmth was radiating from his torso. His walking speed slowed as Jeremy found himself suddenly struggling to breathe. Low groans and growls escaped his mouth as his chicken legs exploded with body mass growth. It felt like his legs were on fire! The muscle fibers in his legs broke down and grew back rapidly until he had legs as strong and thick as a horse. Confused at what was going on, Jeremy looked down and audibly gasped when he saw his upper body transforming right before his very eyes. 

His chest puffed out as his pectorals grew and grew until he had a nice, firm set of daddy milkers. His shoulder span nearly doubled in length as the muscles in his back rapidly tore and regrew back within a matter of minutes. His arms thickened and hardened with muscle mass too. His once pencil-thin arms had become absolute cannons with biceps the size of melons and veins throbbing with strength. With a set of washboard abs to boot, Jeremy had become an insanely ripped bodybuilder— completely unrecognizable from his former skinny and weak nerd self. 

“Nnnn… What’s happening to me…!?” Jeremy huffed out a moan as forced himself to keep moving. He powered through the transformation pain and made it to the locker room where he could be alone. With bated breath and blurry vision, Jeremy stumbled over to the nearest mirror in the locker room. He looked at himself in the mirror while using the counter to hold himself up, and his jaw dropped when he saw his reflection.

“No, this wasn’t supposed to happen… Is that me? And since when did I become so… Jacked?”

Jeremy’s shocked expression morphed into a grin as he inspected his new body. Although he was never a fan of the muscular jock look, his tone quickly changed now that he was the buff one admiring himself in the mirror. He was practically purring with delight as he ran his hands over his arms, savoring the feeling of new, firm muscle on his body. Jeremy's original nerdy personality began fading away with every flex of his new muscles, leaving space for his new cocky gym bro attitude.

Then, wanting to get an even better look at his body, Jeremy stripped down to just his underwear. 

“Heheheh… Just LOOK AT MY MUSCLES BRO! I’M A GREEK GOD NOW!”

His voice boomed with newfound confidence as he spent well over half an hour just checking himself out. As he struck the double bicep pose, a sudden head pain brought Jeremy back down to reality. 

“Huh? What the hell am I doing?” Jeremy thought to himself. He massaged his forehead as he thought about the answer to his own question. However, the more he thought about it, the more questions about who he was began to pop up. 

“Who am I? What’s my name? What do I like? What do I dislike?”

He thought long and hard, but couldn’t find anything. It was like his own brain had been enshrouded in a deep fog. He kept thinking and thinking until for a brief moment, he had a glimpse of what seemed like an old memory. He was… Jeremy Nguyen? And he liked… video games, anime, and fantasy books— 

He shook his head. There was no way that description was right. He wasn’t a fucking nerd. Far from it. He took a deep breath and tried remembering his identity again. This time, the correct info came flowing in like water. 

His name was Isaac Nguyen and to him, working out wasn’t just a hobby but a lifestyle and a passion. He played football both in high school and in college, then dedicated his time and energy to bodybuilding once he graduated. His body was like a golden medal to him. It was his pride and joy, and he loved nothing more than getting a good pump and flexing in the mirror whenever he had the chance. 

With his new identity securely established in his mind and spirit, Isaac stepped out of the locker room to finish his upper body workout for the day. As he made his way to the free weights area, he noticed some scrawny dude with glasses struggling to curl a 10-pound dumbbell. Isaac had to stifle a laugh as he walked past him. 

“Heh, can’t even lift the beginner weight, what a fucking loser… Bet he spends all his time playing video games with his other dork friends. God, I can’t stand these kinds of dudes…”

As Isaac finished that thought, he ran into an old friend he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Oh shit, Jared! Where ya been, bro!?”

“Long time no see, man! Looking swole as always, big guy!!” Jared responded. 

The two men pulled each other in for a bro hug. As they pulled away, Isaac felt himself hating the man he just shook hands with. It was weird. Like he had some sort of deep-rooted resentment against Jared. But that couldn’t possibly be right. Isaac and Jared were best bros since they joined the football team together back in freshman year of high school. They were basically the kings of the school back in the day! 

Yes, that’s right… Isaac was a jock, just like Jared. He had always been one. Never a nerd. 

Never.

[rod-tf]

Hey I'm a fag looking for a change could help me become a big dumb alpha?

Noah had always prided himself on his intellect. A self-proclaimed progressive thinker, he spent his days debating politics online, scoffing at traditional masculinity, and burying himself in academic texts. But all that changed when he lost a bet with his more athletic roommate, forcing him to complete a full workout at Herculean Gains, a place he normally would have mocked for its “toxic masculinity.”

As he stepped inside, his small frame seemed even more fragile against the towering racks of weights and muscle-bound titans grunting with effort. He tugged at his oversized hoodie, feeling out of place, but before he could turn and run, a deep, commanding voice stopped him.

“Yo, what’s up, man? You new here?”

Noah turned to see a hulking mass of muscle smirking down at him. Rod was everything Noah wasn’t, tall, broad, radiating confidence with his square jaw, short preppy cut, and gym tank barely containing his chiseled physique. The air around him was thick with sweat and something more primal.

“I, uh, yeah. Just checking the place out,” Noah muttered, his voice small.

Rod chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, I could tell". Said the huge man, kind of in a mocking tone. "You look like you’ve never even touched a dumbbell”.

Something about Rod’s presence made Noah’s knees weak, though not in the way he expected. He followed the jock hesitantly, the scent of Rod’s sweat filling his nostrils as they moved toward the free weights. It was overwhelming, intoxicating. His thoughts felt... strange.

“Alright, first thing’s first, bench press. Builds power, makes you a beast.” Rod slapped the bench. “Hop on, bro.”

Noah obeyed, feeling oddly compelled. Rod leaned over him to spot, and as he did, the full force of his scent hit Noah like a wave. Musky, raw, overpowering. It seeped into his skin, into his mind. His fingers twitched around the barbell.

“Oops, sorry man”. Rod said absentmindedly. “This is what real strength smells like.”

Noah groaned softly as something stirred deep within him. A warmth, a pressure, a hunger he didn’t recognize. He lifted the bar, feeling an unfamiliar energy surge through his limbs. His arms looked... different. Slightly thicker, veins subtly more pronounced. His skin, was it darker? A golden hue, like he’d spent hours in the sun, though he never tanned.

Rod grinned. “There we go, bro. See? You got it in you.”

They moved to curls, then squats, then deadlifts. With each set, Noah inhaled more of Rod’s scent, his body growing warmer, tighter, stronger. His hoodie felt stifling, and when he peeled it off, he barely recognized the reflection in the mirror. His pale, skinny arms had taken on a richer bronze hue, a new density to them. His shoulders looked broader, more defined. His jaw felt... sharper. His hair darker, the once soft brown was now deep, almost black, thickening into something wavier, more unruly.

Something was wrong, but it felt so right.

Rod gave a knowing smirk. “Feeling it now, huh?”

Noah nodded slowly, his thoughts clouding. His voice cracked. “Yeah, bro. Feels... good.”

Rod laughed, clapping him on the back. “Told ya, gym life changes a guy.” He flexed absentmindedly, completely unaware of just how literal his words were.

As his muscles grew, so did something else, his instincts, his mindset. His once sharp, overanalyzing brain felt slower, but in a good way, less cluttered, more focused. He wasn’t worrying about nonsense anymore. Just gains. Strength. And... girls. Yeahhh! Hot, tight-bodied chicks who needed a real man to handle them. He could practically see them in his mind, his need for them growing with every breath he took.

He felt a rush of testosterone, a heat in his core that burned away any trace of hesitation. Noé smirked at himself in the mirror. Damn, he looked good. Not just jacked, but powerful. The kind of guy who took what he wanted, who dominated everything he wanted. Who made women weak in the knees just by looking at them.

Rod tossed him a towel. “Shower up, bro. Let it soak in.”

Noé caught his reflection in the mirror again, and his breath hitched. His soft features had hardened into something rugged, masculine. His skin, once pale, now held a deep bronze hue, darkening with every passing moment. His delicate hands had thickened, calloused fingers twitching with an unfamiliar craving. His lean frame had swelled, pecs forming, arms thick with new muscle. His soft voice had deepened, gaining a smooth but confident edge.

Memories blurred and shifted. His family had always been American, sure, but his roots? He could feel them now, deep in his blood. Strong, dominant, latino men. Hard workers who built their legacy with their bare hands. He’d grown up in a traditional household, taught that men provided, protected, and bred. Yeah, that’s what he was meant for. Not wasting time debating politics or worrying about dumb social issues. He was born to lead, to conquer, to make women his.

But it wasn’t just that. He felt disgust at anything weak, anything pathetic. Nerds, soy boys, gays... ugh, even thinking about them made his lip curl. He couldn’t understand why would he ever needed to tolerate that kind of degeneracy. He had always been like this. A strong, dominant alpha, a real man. The idea of ever being anything less, being some weak, scrawny, gay loser? That was unthinkable. Impossible. It wasn’t him. It had never been him.

Rod clapped him on the back, grinning. “Looking great, hermano.”

Noé smirked, flexing in the mirror, rolling his shoulders. He felt powerful, unstoppable. The scent of musk, sweat, and raw testosterone filled his nostrils. And it smelled like home.

He scoffed, getting like a really weak voice telling him he want like that, he was a liberal gay proud man. That nonsense was for beta males, for the spineless. He was a real man now. A true conservative man with conservative values, machismo, strength, family, tradition. Those were the pillars of a real man’s life. Not softness. Not weakness. And thinking too much? That was for losers. Real men followed their instincts. Real men didn’t waste time debating, they acted. He had gains to make and pussies to fuck.

Noé smirked and cracked his knuckles, his thick, muscular frame exuding dominance. He had only one goal now, to claim, conquer, and spread his legacy. He wasn’t just a man, he was the most macho man. The world was his playground, and he was ready to take what was his.

Hope you enjoy your new much better self, see you at the gym or scoring some pussy at a frat party. -Rod

[mscherub]

Stupid friend stuff but Yuu making a bet with Ace, he can beat Deuce in Arm wrestling. Ace calls bs since he knows deuce is stronger, but the pc wins by confusing Deuce and forcing his arm down while he's distracted.

Loosing a Bet

A/N: Heyyy! Thanks for the request, I love writing silly things so you made me happy with this, and with this ur also feeding my favoritism towards Ace— anyways, this is in my usual second person POV perspective, it’s what I’m most comfortable writing in. With that said, I tried my best with it so I hope you enjoy <3

Tags: Fluff, funny, stupid stuff, friends

Warnings: swearing, bribes

Lunch was as busy and loud as it usually was with the table you sat at. Grim scarfed down his food in less than 5 minutes at the start, Ace got into some fight with a kid across the lunch room, Deuce is struggling with homework and not touching his food which Grim gladly helps himself to, and Epel, Jack, and Sebek are all being fairly normal. Grim keeps begging everyone for a small share of their food even after stealing Deuce’s portions, bugging them, and especially you, as he paws away at your shoulder, a pout on his face. You’ve been ignoring him for most of the time and you were trying to keep it that way.

“Heyyy, Henchhuman…go buy me s’more stuff to eat…” he huffs, moving to float in front of your face. “Can’t ya go get me something? Cmonnnnn…” he whines as he brings his face closer to yours.

You move back and you give a small glare as you set down your drink. “You already ate your food, you don’t need anymore—“

“But ima growin mage! Gotta buy me something so I can eat it and get stronger! The least my Henchhuman can do for me.” He huffs again, his tail flicking out of anger, but he knew better than most to test you. He sits back down with a small plop and crosses his arms.

“Here…how about…what if,” you look over at Ace who’s blatantly flipping off someone as they walk past, presumably one of the friends of the kid he has problems with. “I bet Ace can’t beat Deuce in an arm wrestling match, so if he looses he has to buy you another lunch. And if he wins…I dunno, I’ll let him decide.” You watch as he perks up at hearing his name and he gives you one of the most confused looks you’ve ever seen.

“The fuck do you mean by that…” He tilts his head.

Deuce looks over at you, then to Ace, then Ace looks at him, and then at Deuces arms. “No way I’m gonna verse him.” He rolls his eyes.

“So you’re just a pussy then? Mannnnn, I thought you had some balls, but this is just a new low, huh?” You rest your chin on the palm of your hand and smile at him. He bristles up at the words and he shakes his head in disbelief and against the statement you just had to provoke him with.

“I’m gonna get my arm snapped! No offense to Deuce but all the offense to Deuce, I don’t wanna even try that…I’d loose. And I’m no pussy— I just know when not to do shit!” He shakes his head even more, making an x with his arms.

“You had no problem eating that tart—“

“That’s different!”

“Hey, I said you can pick what you’d win, so at least think of that before complaining.” You quickly interject. He goes quiet again and he pouts at you. Just peer pressure him into it. You get a kick out of watching him loose and you also can get a quiet Grim. Win-win situation.

“Fine. You know what, I’ll do it. If I win, I want you to go over there and dump a drink on that kids head who’s been really pissing me off lately. So I don’t get in trouble for it.” He smirks right back at you and crosses his arms.

“That’s…a far stretch from what I said you’d have to do if you lost—“

“Ah ah ah, but that’s what I want. You said so yourself.” He wags his finger at you and points his chin up.

This guy…. “I did…fine. A bet is a bet. You loose, you buy grim another lunch, you win, I go and be rude to that kid. Is that it?”

He nods and seems proud of himself while doing so. There’s no way he’d win, I mean compared to Deuce, his arms are…skinnier, in the nicest way you can word it.

Deuce listened to the whole thing and he’s still confused, but when Ace offers up his hand, Deuce reluctantly follows along. Grim obviously wants Ace to loose so he goes over to the both of them and pretends to be the referee and watches closely.

Not even a minute goes by before Ace is already struggling. He lets out small puffs of air as his arm trembles, his other hand gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles are white as he tries to push down Deuces. It’s a sad sight, but he knew he’d loose, like he said so himself, so all you have to do is just sit back and watch the scene play out. You wouldn’t have to spend any other amounts of money on Grim’s food for today—

Ortho comes zooming in and pops up behind Deuce, Ortho watching the whole situation very curiously. He startles both of the boys, but in one swift motion, Ace pushes all of his reserved strength into slamming Deuces arm down against the table.

Silence. Everyone goes quiet and Ace just chuckles breathily before he looks back at you and smirks. “Let’s go! Now go do what I said. Since I won and all…can’t believe you didn’t believe in me! Now look! Hah!”

“Ok, hold on! That’s not…” you sit up quickly and put your hands on the table, leaning forwards in disbelief. “That doesn’t count. Ortho surprised you both so—“

“Ohhhh don’t pull this. Now look who’s the pussy. You too sacred to got get lil ol’ me some revenge?” He clasps his hands together and pouts at you, fluttering his lashes.

Wow. Just, wow.

“Like ya said so yourself, Prefect, a bet is a bet, no?” He chuckles even more.

“Fine. Which kid?” You mutter out as you swing your legs over the bench and stand up.

“The one with the brown hair. His name is…I dunno. I was paired with him in class and he’s just a huge dick. Go show him some hospitality for me.” He hums all happily like a literal school girl.

You grab Aces drink which makes him glare at you, but he doesn’t protest any further. You walk over to the guy and tap him on his shoulder before you dump out the contents into his hair and chuck the drink on the table. “Present from Ace.”

Bonus:

“Out of the time you’ve been here you’ve never done something as outrageous as this…” Crowley sighs as he looks down at his papers.

“What possessed you to do this?” He looks up at you again, his lips pursed, holding back many words he’d like to say.

“I…lost a bet.”

I hope it was close to what you wanted, and sorry it was a little shorter <3

Master List

Please don’t steal or copy any of my work! You may, however, reblog if you’d want to!

Pictures belong to Disney Twisted Wonderland but are edited by me :)

[luvo27]

anyways jack drake is living in normalworldeverydayguyplace and wondering if he's wasting his life trying to apply to grad school for history because he doesn't want to be a teacher or anything and he's having major regrets when he sees a kid about to get hit by a train, jumps in to save him and dies

he wakes up. he's standing in a sunny street and there's a train flying towards his head and there's a woman with dark hair and the most beautiful blue eyes he's ever seen in his life and now he's certain that he's dead, because one, he was just hit by a train, and two, this woman grabbing his arm must be an angel

the woman drags jack out of the way of the train and shouts something like, "are you an actual idiot for real?"

and jack is like, "no, actually im graduating with a 3.9 gpa,"

and the woman is like, "oh my god you're an idiot for real. first time in metropolis?"

and jack is like, "city city? who came up with that?"

and she's like, "holy fuck well i cannot let you wander around on your own did you get your mind wiped-"

"mind wipes don't exist-"

"I'm janet. you're coming with me, and also do you want to get nasty?"

so janet becomes jack drakes guide to the dc universe.

conversations abound like, "so, dr. psycho. good guy, like dr. strange?"

"who the fuck is dr. strange?"

"From marvel?"

"What the fuck is marvel? no, dr. psycho sucks."

"sucks like ultron or sucks like magneto?"

"literally what the fuck are you talking about?"

and as janet teaches jack about the alternate history of this strange new world where superpowers and superheroes are real, jack rediscovers his passion for history. janet, in seeing her universe through a new pair of eyes, also finds herself falling in love with history

they go to grad school and become archaeologists together

they watch a lot of wonder woman speeches and things. the existence of the amazons and their culture utterly fascinates jack. time capsule culture is an archaeologists wet dream.

through their studies and travels and learning about the world together, jack and janet fall deeply, deeply in love. they move to gotham because jack doesnt technically exist as a person and they can get away with it there. they get married. they have a baby boy. they name him tim

time passes. they all get older, jack and janet go on an expedition, their plane goes down, there's a villain who isn't a racist caricature and janet dies and batman is too late to save her, and jack is grievously injured

without janet, this new world of superheroes loses its luster. Jack wants no part of it anymore, he remembers the good old days where people died normally, in accidents and regular murders and to illness

so when he finds out his son is one of the heroes in the world, he almost kills batman

time passes. jack gets to know his son without this secret in the way, through tim's eyes he is once again reopened to the world of heroes, in a different way than janet did it, but his eyes are opened again regardless.

he understands now, that this world of heroes means that regular, ordinary people like his son can save untold numbers of lives in a way they couldn't in his old world.

and then he dies. rip.

[justanotherfanfolks]

CHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?

[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

[daisyachain]

There are places where I think a sex scene can dramatically impact a story in a way that enriched the viewing experience and conveys important information. There are movies and/or tv shows in which this happens. I haven’t seen any of them. So much of the time it’s there to do exactly what it says on the tin. A woman and a man are banging. Sure. Fine. Happy for them. It’s just a literal scene used to pull a bit of a ‘well you didn’t think THEY would be involved’ plot twist or a ‘we’re so edgy’ signal. The only show so far that I’ve seen that uses sex scenes as an actual tool of storytelling is Black Sails, and the reason it works in Black Sails is that the sex is Bad. People are bored. People are distracted. The characters are so bound up with the plot that it’s physically prevented them from fucking like normal human beings. That works. The rest doesn’t

[pinksilvace]

.

[sikfox-arts]

I am so normal about them

[mioakem]

the issue that provoked this stream needing to be made was that dream used a slur and needed to address it, instead he went live for 3 hours adressing the following topics.

-quackity

-how tommy is on his knees for quackity

- how tommy is a fake friend and hates quackity

-trump and how he’s a trumpie

-tommy was close with bad people like logan paul and w*lbur when he was 16 so he must be bad cause people cant change

-he’s not weird for messaging tommy’s mom and that’s totally normal

-quackity

-he’s not gay

-aimsey is an evil mastermind and is trying to get dream and george cancelled

-he’s an evil racist pedophile who made everyone sign ndas (that’s what everyone wants him to be apparently)

-quackity

-jack is cheating on ellie (rumor has it)

-there’s rumors about tubbo but he can’t say them

-adhd and autism and how he’s not to blame because of that

-harry is an idiot and only hates him because he quote tweeted him four years ago

-quackity

-people were sharing porn with minors in his discord but it’s okay because they asked everyone to not treat them differently

-actually everything is the fans fault and they’re the ones who ruined everyone’s friendship and he would be best friends with quackity if it wasn’t for the fans

-tommy is manipulating everyone and is actually evil but no he’s not he’s not a bad guy he’s just the worst

things he didn’t address:

-the r slur

[foldingfittedsheets]

Since everyone seems to love my sex shop stories, here’s another one.

Phone calls were literally a game for us. Not all phone calls, but there was a specific brand of call where guys would creep on us. 90% of the workforce at the sex shops was women. So we’d get dudes calling jacking off or trying to get their jollies from us.

The game: make them hang up. We could have hung up. On a few occasions I did, but for the most part we made a sport out of getting creeps to go flaccid. It really depended on a caller.

You couldn’t just go in for belittling them straight off- some guys wanted that. You had to tailor your strategy to the perv. Overall it was pretty fun and it turned an aspect of the job that could’ve become a major bummer into a fun sport. We’d get excited when the phones rang.

So one day the phone rings. I pick up and it was very clearly a young teen who was putting on a deep voice. I was utterly delighted, I’d never had a crank call before. He said, “I have a dildo emergency! Can you deliver 5 boxes of dildos to my home?!”

It took everything in me not to crack in that moment. It was so funny. It was like three kids had walked through the door in a trench coat and the phrase “dildo emergency” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard.

But I kept it together. In smooth customer service tones I replied, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear you’re having an emergency, but due to the nature of our product we do require people to come pick it up themselves.”

The caller audibly deflated. Some of the deep voice he was putting on bled away when he said plaintively, “But it’s an emergency…”

“I’m sorry, sir, rules are rules.”

He hung up. I burst out laughing and told my coworker what had happened. She said, “I will buy you lunch if you call back and pretend you can deliver something.”

This sounded like an all around win for me, and the kid hadn’t used anything to block his number. So I called back.

“Hello!” This was before caller ID was common for home phones and so he picked up in his totally normal voice, several octaves higher than before.

“Hello, I’m calling regarding your dildo emergency?”

“Oh! Hem hem,” he coughed, getting his voice back into character for me. “Yes! The emergency!”

“Well I’ve spoken to my manager and it’s your lucky day. We’ll be able to make a delivery after all. Five boxes you said? We can swing it by later, we’ll just need your name, address, and credit card number.”

He was thrown by needing to provide info and was silent for a moment then said, “Well how much is it for five boxes?”

“About five hundred dollars, sir.”

He slipped out of his character voice to exclaim, “Five hundred dollars?! What kind of dildos are they?!”

“Just standard six inches with balls, sir.”

This was his breaking point. He started wheezing with laughter trying to repeat the phrase “six inches with balls” incoherently.

“So your address and card info?”

He hung up and I broke down laughing too. We both got a kick out of it, and I won the game twice in one day.

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Yuutsum 3

SUMMARY: What if you also have a Tsum? Then your Tsum and the Tsum of the person you like keep giving signs that they like each other?

CHARACTERS: Twisted Tsumderland 3 Tsumsitters (Ace; Trey; Ruggie; Jamil; Vil; Idia; Malleus; Silver)

TAGS: Fluff; GN Reader 

WARNING: Spoilers for the Twisted Tsumderland 3 Event and the Tsumsitter cards Vignettes.

WORD COUNT: An average of 810 words per character.

COMMENTS: This was originally a request from @taruruchi for my 1k celebration. Which you can read here. And since so many readers liked it, I decided to do what I normally do when this happens: Do this for ALL the characters! Grouped by event in this case.

The request also includes Jamil's and Silver's tsums, but I wrote them before part 3 was even announced on the JP server. In other words, I had to pretty much guess what their tsums would be like, but now I could write them more accurately.

And I ended up get carried away writing Vil's and Idia's parts. 😅

I hope you enjoy 😉

Yuutsum 1 (Riddle; Cater; Leona; Jack; Floyd; Epel; Sebek)

Yuutsum 2 (Deuce; Azul; Jade; Kalim; Rook; Ortho; Lilia)

CONTEXT: Like the original Twisted Tsumderland 3 event, this takes place after the events of the first and second Twisted Tsumderland. And, surprise, your Tsum is back! But it’s the only one, all the other Tsums that came with it are completely new visitors.

Just like the other times, your Tsum seemed restless and wanted to leave Ramshackle Dorm, probably to go look for the other tsums. You decide to take a walk around the school building first and you notice a gathering in the cafeteria.

“If you give it devoted, loving care, I'm sure it'd be willing to show its gratitude!” You hear Ace's voice say from behind a wall of other students.

You come closer, with your tsum in your arms.

“So... Who wants to look after the tsum?!”

“I'll do it!” a Scarabia student offers.

“What are you talking about?” A Pomefiore student counterposes. “That's gonna be me!”

And an argue begins. You stand on your tiptoes and crane your neck to look over some students' shoulders and see an Ace-tsum on the table.

“Okay, easy, guys. You can all take turns trying your hand at looking after it.” Ace interrupts. “If things go well, you might get to see more tricks. And hey, if they don't do any, you can just return it tonight.”

Even though you know this is about Ace and his tsum, you can't help but feel a little sorry for the things Ace is saying. It's like he just wants to get rid of his tsum. Poor little guy. And your tsum agrees.

“I can take care of it!” Your voice rings out, Ace and Deuce recognizing it immediately.

The students in front of you turn and see that you have another tsum in your arms. They make way for you while commenting on how cute it is.

“(Y/N)?!” Ace and Deuce say in unison.

You lean over to look at Ace-tsum who is looking at you with bright, surprised eyes. You say you can take care of it since Ace doesn't want to. Your tsum jumps from your arms to Ace-tsum's side. You add that you have your tsum to help you supervise it and that you already have some experience with an Ace. He blushes a little.

“Wait (Y/N)!” Deuce says.“This is supposed to be Ace and my task. And you already have your tsum to take care of.”

“Don't worry, Deuce. We both can take care of it. Right, Tsum?” Your Tsum agrees and rubs its cheek against Ace-Tsum's cheek. “Better us than someone who treats it like a burden.” But Ace-tsum moves away from your tsum and Ace grabs your arm to pull you with him to talk to you alone.

“You dummy!” He tells you in a lower voice. “Listen, I'm not just trying to get rid of my tsum, okay?! I'm trying to find someone who adores it so much that they would love to fawn over it and take care of it. This will be better than being with someone who is only taking care of it out of obligation.”

You ask, then, why can't you take care of his tsum.

“Because I was trying to get some idiot to do it, not you!”

Then you hear and see that more students have joined the group that fawns over Ace-tsum. And it seemed like they were finding something cute?

You two go back to the table and see your tsums having fun with each other. Ace-tsum was showing magic tricks to your Tsum and seemed happier with your Tsum's surprised reaction than with the students' applause. Your tsum approached Ace-tsum and began to rub their cheeks against each other, like cuddling. Ace blushed again.

“Fine...” Ace gives up. “It seems like it wants to be with your tsum anyway.”

“Why don't we all take care of the tsums together again?” Deuce suggests, “Like we did when mine was here.”

You and your tsum agree.

“Yeah, I guess we can do that.” Ace says, then smirks. “At least now I can split the work between three.”

Surprisingly, Ace's Tsum is much calmer when it's around your Tsum. In addition to being extremely affectionate with your Tsum, it also seems to really enjoy impressing it with magic tricks and things like that. As if it loved having your tsum's attention and affection back, completely ignoring Ace's embarrassment.

Your tsum wanted to go somewhere, so you pick it up and let it guide you out of Ramshackle Dorm. You pass the Botanical Garden and the Alchemy Workshop and arrive at the Hall of Mirrors. Your tsum wants you to cross the mirror to Heartslabyul.

You do so, enter the building and you end up crossing paths with Trey in the hallway. He was carrying a cake container. You feel your tsum move slightly in your arms when it sees him.

“Hello (Y/N).” Trey greets you. “I see your tsum is back.” He smiles at it and you feel it move again. “This time one similar to me showed up too, so I'm also tsumsitting. I assume you're here to see it.” He chuckles seeing you and your tsum nodding. “It is in the lounge. But before that.” He opens the cake container revealing a beautiful cake with icing and grapes decorating it, and some slices already missing. “Do you want to try a slice? Tsum decorated it.”

If you like grapes, he will be happy to see you eating a slice. If you don't like them and are sad because you would like to try the cake, He will suggest that you go to the kitchen and take out just one piece that doesn't have grapes for you to taste.

“Here.” He says taking just a forkful of the icing cake. “This one doesn't have grapes.” He holds out the fork with the piece of cake in your direction.

You can take the fork and eat it yourself or you can eat it while he holds the fork. If you do this last one, he will laugh and then smirk slightly. Independently of what you do, you'll feel your tsum moving in your arms again, but not enthusiastically.

Trey asks if everything is okay with your tsum and you answer that it might be sad because it can't taste the cake, after all tsum don't eat.

“Oh, don't worry.” He says to your tsum with a sweet smile. “You liking the way it looks is good enough already.”

Your tsum makes that happy tsum sound and suddenly jumps out of your arms towards Trey who catches it and you see it nestling in his arms.

“Ha ha ha. Your tsum is more cheeky than mine. No, that's not a bad thing. I find it quite cute actually.”

If you are more outgoing, your tsum will make that happy sound again and smile at him with its eyes. If you are shy, your tsum will shrink a little and hide its face in his arms.

He will, happily, carry your Tsum in his arms to the lounge where his Tsum and other students are, but when the three of you get there...

“Is everyone done? I'll get the dishes - uh...” Trey and you see what appears to be his tsum attacking students with a toothbrush. “What’s going on here?”

Cater explains the whole madness with Tsum wanting everyone to brush their teeth. Trey ends up taking his Tsum's side and the students run to brush their teeth. Cater tries to apologize by saying that it took him longer to eat and even tries to say that he wanted to spend some time with your tsum. But it's no use, both Treys look at him with a menacing smile.

“Ah, I'm sorry! I swear I'll brush therm! Don't come near me with that smile on your face!” And he leaves the lounge as well.

Only Riddle, you, Trey and your two tsums remain. Trey-tsum points his toothbrush at you with that smile.

“Let's give (Y/N) a pass this time.” Trey defends you. “They are from another dorm so their toothbrush and toothpaste are not here.”

Trey-tsum lowers the toothbrush in agreement. Your Tsum jumps out of Trey's arms and lands next to his Tsum. They both make a happy sound and the two begin to rub their cheeks against each other as if cuddling.

“Your tsum is very affectionate, isn't it?” Trey comments with a smile.

Trey-tsum jumps onto your shoulder, presses its face against your cheek as if it were giving you a kiss, and jumps back to your tsum’s side. Then the two jump onto one of the sofas and snuggle up together as if they were nesting.

“How cute.” Riddle comments with a slightly mocking smile seeing Trey blush.

You were taking a walk around the school campus with your tsum in your arms when you heard Jack's voice calling you.

“Hey (Y/N), glad I found you.” Jack says. You turn around and he sees your Tsum in your arms who greets him smiling with its eyes. “Your tsum is back? So you should already know that other tsums have appeared too.”

You say you had already assumed that and ask if he was looking for you.

“More or less. The truth is that I was looking for someone who could help Ruggie with his tsum.”

You feel your tsum move in your arms when it hears Ruggie's name. Jack tells you that everything seemed to be going well between them until they started arguing, or rather fighting over the money they earned. Your tsum has the same reaction as you, probably an unsurprised sigh.

You agree to help and go with Jack to Savanaclaw. You find Ruggie and his tsum in the lounge fighting with each other. Riggie has an envelope in his outstretched hand trying to get it away from the tsum, while the tsum jumps at Ruggie to try to get to the envelope while hitting him.

Your tsum jumps out of your arms and sneaks up on them while they are focused on fighting each other. When it is close enough, it prepares itself and as soon as it sees an opening, it jumps and takes the envelope from Ruggie's hands. Then it runs to you with the envelope where its mouth would be and jumps back into your arms, handing you the envelope.

Ruggie looked at your tsum and you with the most threatening look you've ever seen on him, until he realized it was you and his expression changed drastically and his ears went down. His Tsum's reaction was the same. He even stutters your name in surprise.

“And h-hey, your tsum is back!” He tries to divert the conversation and ease the situation.

You don't fall for that and ask why they were fighting over the money. Ruggie explained to you that he still tried to give 20% to his Tsum since it doesn't need money to eat or things like that and that's why it seemed fair to him. But his tsum didn't like the idea and was trying to keep most of the money.

You ask your own tsum if that money is the same as in the tsum world, basically asking if it would be of any use to Ruggie-tsum, and your tsum shakes its head no.

“See?! It's not even any use to you. And I would be generous enough to give you twenty percent.”

Ruggie's tsum turns against him again, your tsum jumps out of your arms and throws itself at Ruggie-stum, hitting it. But it doesn't hit your tsum to retaliate, instead it tucks its tail between its legs and lowers its ears while your tsum seems to scold it.

Ruggie laughs at that situation and approaches you asking, also with his ears down and his tail between his legs, if you could give him back the envelope. But you reveal that, knowing him, you knew that he was not taking care of the tsum, but rather taking advantage of it to earn more money with its work.

“Hey, The tsum was the one who wanted to work for m- I mean with me. We earned that money by working together by choice.”

“So why not split it fifty-fifty?” You suggest.

“WHAT?! Are you cra-”

“If one of you worked as hard as the other then you deserve the same amount, don't you?”

He tries to bargain by reiterating that Tsums don't need to eat, but you continue the discussion saying that if it's not like that they won't stop fighting and it will never be resolved. If Ruggie keeps rejecting ot, your tsum will throw itself at his head to hit him. And then he will finally give in and split the money 50-50.

After that your tsum will convince Ruggie-tsum to just rest with it, trying to push it onto one of the lounge chairs. But instead Ruggie-tsum seemed to want to play with your tsum and the two of them started play fighting like two cubs. Which ends up looking more like they are hugging and cuddling.

Ruggie comments that despite what happened they seem to really like each other. After playing with each other for a while, Ruggie-tsum will come over to you to see if it can get some petting from you for being so cute. And if so, it'll turn over on its back so you can give it belly rubs. Ruggie will tell you that you're spoiling his tsum while trying not to show that he's jealous.

You find out that a Tsum similar to Jamil has appeared and is with him in Scarabia by crossing paths with Kalim while you were taking a walk with your Tsum around the school campus. Needless to say, Kalim was super happy to see your tsum again.

On the way to Scarabia you could feel the enthusiasm of your tsum. When you arrive, Jamil and his tsum are in the lounge playing a card game.

The two Jamils realize that someone has entered the lounge. They look at whoever has entered just to greet them, but as soon as they see that it is you, they both smile.

“Hello (Y/N). I see your tsum is back.”

Your tsum jumps from your arms and approaches Jamil's tsum. When it gets close enough, they brush each other's cheeks. Jamil blushes and pulls his hood a little tighter.

They will finish the game they were playing and then invite you and your tsum to play with them. You will play against your tsum, Jamil will teach you and his tsum will teach your tsum while you both play. Jamil will try to make you win, while Jamil-tsum is trying to make your tsum win. And perhaps for this reason, he teaches you by whispering in your ear so that the tsums don't hear your plays. Even if you don't win, Jamil will say that you played well and will be happy that you understood how to play.

You play two or three more times. Whenever you or your tsum win, it's because Jamil and his tsum agreed to lose to see you both happy. But in the last round Jamil-tsum climbs onto your lap while your tsum goes onto Jamil's lap. Thus forming pairs for the last round.

While Jamil-tsum helps you with the best moves, Jamil asks your tsum for its opinion with a cute smile. They both know that your tsum can't help him win, but he enjoys interacting with it in the same way he enjoys interacting with you.

The two teams end up tied. There is a good chance that the bouth Jamils planned this result.

You were going to get up so Jamil could prepare something for the two of you to have a snack, when you heard something. The sound of an insect coming in and cetting closer to you. Jamil jumps and runs to the door leaving your tsum behind while his tsum uses you to hide. You feel it trembling against you. The insect lands on one of your cards and you see that it is a... little ladybug.

If your reaction is something like, ‘Aww, a cute ladybug.’ Jamil will complain, outraged.

You ask Jamil to bring you some jar with a lid with holes and leaves inside. When he asks you what for, you say that you're going to put the ladybug inside and release it in Ramshackle Dorm's garden. He thinks you're crazy but that's okay as long as you lock that thing up and take it away. He brings you an empty spice jar with two leaves inside. You ask if they are poisonous plants, he sighs and says no. You smell the leaves and they seem normal.

The ladybug was on your finger, you open the jar to put it inside but it flies back towards Jamil who screams and runs away again. When the ladybug returns, it goes after Jamil-tsum, who also starts to run away through the lounge. The ladybug finally lands on your tsum's head and the two of you put the insect in the jar and close it. You tell Jamil it's done.

When he comes back, you try your best to contain your laughter as you remember him running away from a ladybug, but he notices your little smile and looks at you sullenly, despite thanking you.

Something similar seems to happen with the tsums, but your tsum dosen't contain its laughter and Jamil-tsum attacks it with what appears to be tickles. After your tsum surrenders the two seem to start cuddling each other.

Jamil is embarrassed by this and pulls his hood even further to hide his blushing face.

You were walking around the school campus with your tsum in your arms when you arrived at the Courtyard. A group of Pomefiore students focused on photographing something separated you from Vil and Rook on the other side. You and your tsum noticed that they were photographing Vil's tsum, and it seemed to be enjoying the photoshoot itself.

Your tsum jumps from your arms to the ground and tries to pass between the feet of some students to get closer to Vil-tsum. But those students notice something moving near them and look down at your tsum.

“Aw, it's another tsum.” One of the students says.

“Yeah, but this one doesn't look like anything special.” Another student comments.

“In fact, it looks so ordinary.” A third student agrees. “Could you please not interfere with Vil's Tsum photos?”

Your tsum still tried to advance a little further, but the students stopped it by putting their feet in its way. And even if you were complaining, they didn't care, they were in the middle of a photo shoot, the staff and spectators shouldn't interfere.

“Listen, if your tsum was half as beautiful as Vil's tsum we might still consider it, but I don't believe his tsum would even want to be seen with yours.”

With this, your tsum becomes too sad to keep trying and returns depressed to you. It doesn't even jump into your arms, you have to bend down and pick it up.

Meanwhile, the photo shoot stops abruptly and you hear some students say: “What's wrong?”, “Why do you want to stop suddenly?”, “Did we do something wrong?”, “Have we crossed boundaries?”

You see the students in front of you make way for Vil's tsum. When it sees you, its eyes shine, but when it sees your tsum, sad and curled up in your arms it gets upset and turns aggressively towards the students.

They realize that the tsum is upset with them for insulting your tsum, but it doesn't know which one was and they start saying it was the other one.

“You're the one who said it didn't look like anything special!”

“’In fact, it looks so ordinary.’ that's what YOU said”

“And who said their tsum wasn't even half as beautiful as Vil's tsum?”

“At least have the decency to admit your rudeness.” Vil appears, also unpleased, and with Rook beside him. “None of you have the right to decide who can or cannot approach the tsum. It is the one who decides who deserves such a privilege.”

“What a disappointment to have dormmates with such little tolerance for other unique types of beauty.” Rook says sadly. “And so insensitive too. ‘I don't believe his tsum would even want to be seen with yours.’ Which of you has the courage to claim such a phrase?” Rook looks at the three main suspects with an amused smile but a menacing look.

Both Vil and his tsum got angry upon hearing this.

“It was him!” The other two pointed to the culprit.

“It is also quite ugly to denounce someone so shamelessly.” Vil rebuked them and clapped his hands decisively twice. “The photo shoot is over. Go back to your duties. And the three of you have a meeting scheduled with me later in the Pomefiore dorm. Do I make myself clear?”

“Y-yes Housewarden. We regret our words.”

“I sure hope you do. But that won't lessen your punishment. You may go now.”

As the Pomefiore students leave, the others glaring at the three who insulted your tsum, Vil-tsum turns back to you and jumps into your arms, knowing that you would catch it. It cuddles up to your tsum as if it were comforting it, rubbing their cheeks and giving it kisses, or at least that's what it seemed like since tsum don't have mouths.

“How can they belittle such a demonstration of love and such a beautiful couple!” Rook says dramatically. “Je suis choqué!”

When you start having trouble holding two tsums at once, Vil approaches you and puts his arms around yours to help you.

“I am deeply sorry for the atrocities you heard.” He tells you in a soft voice but then smiled smugly. “You can help me think of an appropriate punishment if you like.”

Knowing that you were having difficulty holding them, your tsums end up jumping from your embrace to the ground. Your tsum still looks a little sad and Vil's tsum doesn't take its attention away from your tsum.

“Don't listen to them.” Vil says to your tsum. “Just because you don't fit their standards doesn't mean you're not beautiful. You should only care about the opinion of those who you really care about and who care about you.” He looks at you. “They are right about one thing, you two look ordinary.” He will smile in amusement if you look at him sulkily. “But who said that was ugly? The beauty of the ordinary is the most difficult to perceive, only those who truly recognize it deserve to appreciate it. And if you want to know my opinion, two extraordinary things become flashy, but one common thing brings balance and harmony. The kind of thing whose value and importance you only realize when it disappears.” He looks back at your tsum. “Don't listen to the opinions of ignorant people.”

Rook was crying with emotion and murmured how beautiful that moment had been. Your tsum, also moved by his words, jumps into Vil's arms. He almost got a fright, but he caught your tsum.

“*sigh* How cheeky.” Vil said, smiling softly. He holds your tsum as if he were holding a beloved baby.

Vil-tsum approaches you calmly, with an aura of dignity and sophistication. You lower yourself, kneeling on the ground and it climbs onto your lap. Like a cat demanding in the way you pet it.

Vil-tsum won't let anyone else take a picture of it unless they want to take a picture of it and your tsum together. If your tsum is too shy and doesn't want to take pictures, then Vil-tsum will also refuse.

Vil's tsum will try to convince him to give you and your tsum a beauty treatment. And if it doesn't succeed the first time, he'll steal Vil's cosmetics for your tsum. But since it's you, Vil ends up accepting.

Vil will have to keep an eye on Rook because he will become obsessed with your tsums together.

Your tsum was restless in Ramshackle Dorm and seemed to want to go somewhere. You picked it up and let it lead you out of the dorm. Your tsum made you pass through the Botanical Garden and the Alchemy Workshop until you reached the Hall of Mirrors, where it made you pass through the mirror that lead to Ignihyde. Once inside it doesn't take long for Ortho to appear to greet you.

“Hi (Y/N)!” He looks at the tsum in your arms. “Oh! You're back too. It's great to see you again! Are you here because of my big brother's tsum?”

And now you know why your tsum wanted to go there. Your tsum nods its little head. Ortho doesn't even bother to tell you where they are because they can only be in one place, but he says he'll have to leave because of the meeting with the Film Research Club and wishes you luck in dealing with his brother and his tsum. You go to Idia's room and knock on the door.

“Ortho? Did you forget something?” Idea asks instead of opening the door.

“No. It's me, (Y/N).”

He stammers your name in surprise. “W-w-w-what are you doing here?!”

You explain that your tsum was the one who took you to Ignihyde and that Ortho told you that an Idia lookalike had also appeared. Suddenly you hear a commotion inside the room and Idia asking in panic what it was doing.

The bedroom door opens. You see Idia lying on the floor in the middle of the room and in front of you an Idia-tsum staring at you. When your eyes meet his, his own sparkle and the blue in his hair takes on pink hues at the tips.

Your tsum jumps out of your arms and lands right on top of Idia-tsum. What no one expected, not even your tsum, was that Idia-tsum's reflex would be to take advantage of this to take your tsum, as if kidnapping it, to a kind of fortress made of cardboard boxes in the corner of the room.

“Welcome to the club.” Idia tells you as he stands up. “It also kidnapped my tablet. Now it has two captives.”

As soon as you enter, the door closes behind you again. You go to the cardboard boxes, kneel down and look inside. You see, through a gap in the boxes, the two tsums very close together playing a co-op game on the tablet.

“S-sorry about that.” Idia tells you embarrassed. “I can't get along with this tsum. I've been trying to get my tablet back for hours but it is so stubborn. ...What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

You think about it and say that if they stay calm like that until it's time for them to go back to their world, there shouldn't be any problems, right?

“OF COURSE THERE IS! MY LOGIN BONUSES! Why do you think I'm trying to get my tablet back?! Listen, I don't care what the tsums do as long as they don't cause me any problems or interfere with my games. And this tsum manages to do both. My room wasn't this disorganized before, but it keeps fighting me. You're good with delinquents, help me!”

If your tsum is really like you, it wants to get Idia-tsum out of those cardboard boxes like you want to get Idia out of his room. Which means if you have an idea you know your tsum will help you. You think about that co-op games and how Idia can be competitive when he believes he have a good chance of winning. Aka: in video games.

So you have an idea, but to do so you have to whisper the idea in the Idia's ear so the tsums don't hear. When you get closer he gets flustered. You suggest playing a 2 vs 2 game and invite the tsums to play, and encourages him to be as provocative as possible to ensure that his tsum accepts the challenge.

“And then what?" He whispers back to you "We'll have to entertain it while I get the tablet back.”

“I can handle that part.” you guarantee him.

You both follow the plan, luckily Idia has 4 controllers, probably because they are all different models. At first, Idia-tsum doesn't fall into the trap, but soon Idia's smugness kicks in

“Of course you don't accept the challenge. You don't even have opposing thumbs, how could you beat us?” The boxes move. “Or is it because you're a noob?” The boxes move again and it looks like Idia has an idea for the ultimate strike. “Oh, I see, it’s because your teammate is a normie who sucks at games.”

One of the boxes jumps like a spring and almost hits Idia in the face, as if whatever was underneath it had exploded. Idia-tsum jumps towards one of the controls with an irritated look and his hair completely red. Idia himself gives one of those scared YEPs, but for some reason he smiles when he sees that reaction from his tsum.

Your tsum jumps to the other controller next to Idia-tsum who looks at it and waves like a true duo preparing for battle. Idia gets prepered beside you and gives you a similar determined smile before he starts the game.

During the fighting game, it was as if Idia had forgotten about his tablet and whenever it seemed like you were having trouble he would get upset on your behalf and defend your character with his. His tsum did the same to your tsum.

It was only at the end of the round that Idia suddenly remembered the tablet and jumped out of his chair to pick it up from the floor next to the cardboard boxes. His tsum did the same thing, but you managed to catch it in time and held it in your arms with a strong hug. It struggled at first, but when it remembered that it was you who was grabbing it, its hair turned completely pink and it covered its eyes with its little hands.

“I collected...”  Idia raises the tablet in his hands. “The Tablet!”

He looks at you with a triumphant smile, but if you are giving his tsum affection and kisses because it’s so cute, the tips of Idia's hair will also turn pink and he will be flustered.

Your tsum will jump right up to his face and give him some affection too, like rubbing its little face against his cheek.

“H-h-h-h-have you never heard of personal space?!”

You were walking with your tsum in your arms around the school campus when Lilia suddenly appeared.

“You're back!” Lilia surprises you and your tsum by appearing upside down in front of you. “Hi (Y/N)-tsum. It's so good to see you again. This is actually perfect.” He turns around and puts his feet on the ground. “You see, a Malleus-like tsum also appeared.” You feel your tsum move happily in your arms. “And Malleus decided to throw a party for it. I was looking for you to invite you, but now that I see that your tsum is back I know that both Malleus would love to have both of you at the party.

Your tsum gets so excited that it almost falls out of your arms.

“Good thing you're excited, because we're already late. Come with me. The party has already started.”

Lilia accompanies you and your tsum to Diasomnia. The lounge is full of Diasomnia students paying attention to Malleus and his tsum. Lilia asks you to follow him down the stairs and when you reach the last step the students in front of you look at you and respectfully make way between you and the two Malleus. Like soldiers taking positions on both sides of the road.

The two Malleus look confused to see what the students were doing and when the two tsums' eyes meet your tsum jumps out of your arms and hops towards Malleus-tsum very quickly. Some of the students (Sebek included) took one step forward to stop your tsum from "attacking" Malleus' tsum, but stop immediately at Lilia's signal.

Malleus-tsum did not move, excitedly waiting for your tsum to reach it. Your tsum did indeed attack Malleus' tsum, but with love and affection. Your tsum gave it a lot of affection and Malleus' tsum simply accepted it with smiling eyes, only occasionally reciprocating the affection. Malleus also looked at your tsum with a special affection in his eyes.

You approached the tsums to get a better look at Malleus’s. It approached you with that dignity that Malleus himself also has, looked at you for a few seconds and bowed. All the other students at Diasmonia suddenly did the same. Even Sebek, although he did so a little reluctantly.

You bowed back and asked if you could pet it. The other students looked at you again with extreme attention and some held their breath. Malleus-tsum pondered, creating suspense in the lounge, but then it made that happy tsum sound and jumped into your arms, super happy. It accepts any and all affection coming from you and it doesn't matter how strong your hug is, just like Malleus his tsum is also extremely strong and resistant.

Meanwhile, your tsum also jumps into Malleus' arms without warning. Hence the students' gasps echoing through the lounge.

“So fearless, jumping towards me like that.” Malleus smiled smugly. “You really don't fear that I might crush you?”

The other students were wary, but your tsum didn't seem to care what he was saying and jumped onto the top of his head, nestling between his two horns. Once again the students gasped in fear. Only Lilia and Silver were calm. Lilia was laughing.

“My liege, please forgive this insulting-” Sebek said, but was quickly interrupted by Malleus's good-natured laughter.

“How cheeky. I wonder who gave you permission to go up there.” He raises his arm to bring his hand closer to your Tsum in his head, touching its little nose affectionately before patting its head.

While you were hugging Malleus-tsum, one of its horns stung your cheek. It immediately stopped and looked at you worriedly when it heard you say ‘ouch’. When it realized it had hurt you, its little eyes watered. You said it was okay, that it hadn't really hurt you, it was just a little sting, you were fine, you hadn't even gotten a mark. But even so, you had to keep comforting it.

After that, Malleus-tsum wanted to dance with you and Malleus with your tsum. You did so. And the next one, the two tsums wanted to dance together. Following this same logic, Malleus invited you to dance.

At the end of the party, when your tsum gets tired, Malleus-tsum will accompany it to you and Malleus who are sitting together. But your tsum will lie on Malleus' lap, and he will pet it lovingly. Likewise, Malleus-tsum will lie down on your lap, even if it is not tired. It is extremely happy for you to pet it.

Malleus laughs happily when your tsum turns over onto its back so he can give it belly rubs.

Malleus-tsum looks at you and Malleus and thinks you're not close enough. It jumps from your lap to your side and gives you a little nudge on the leg with one of its little horns. You jump and lean against Malleus. You apologize, but Malleus still puts an arm around you. And now satisfied, his tsum returns to your lap, which is so close to Malleus' lap that the two tsums can nestle together too.

You were walking around the school campus with your tsum, but it got tired of always walking in your arms and now it was jumping around by your side.

You were crossing the bridge that led to the Mystery Shop grounds when your tsum, who was jumping on the edge of the bridge, slipped and fell into the water below you. The current took your tsum to the lake in front of the Hall of Mirrors building, you followed it running. Your tsum managed to grab onto a ledge in the rocks very close to the waterfall.

You didn't know what to do. You couldn't get down there and there was nothing to help you.

But at that moment something jumped into the water near your Tsum, grabbed onto it and grew so big that it was blocking the passage to the waterfall. It was Silver's tsum!

And speaking of him, Silver appears right after and uses his magic to make your tsum levitate and fly back into your arms. But what about his tsum? The water coming from the lake was accumulating and creating more pressure on the tsum.

But the two Silvers seemed to understand each other well and the Tsum quickly returned to its normal size and let itself fall down the waterfall, but Silver managed to use his magic to catch it in the middle of the fall and bring it back to land safe and sound.

Your tsum jumped out of your arms to hug Silver-tsum, who hugged it back, or at least the tsum version of a strong and affectionate hug.

If you do the same to Silver to thank him, he will be surprised at first, but will hug you back gently with a smile on his face.

“I'm glad you and your tsum are safe now.” Silver tells you. “My tsum and I fell asleep nearby. We both woke up to the sound of something falling into the water and your fright.”

Neither your tsum nor silver's tsum wanted to let go of each other.

“Were you heading back to your dorm? We will accompany you.”

He used his magic to dry your tsum and you for grabbing it right after it came out of the water. Your tsums seemed to agree on something and then your tsum jumped into Silver's arms while Silver-tsum jumped into yours. Your tsum was nestling in Silver's arms, while his tsum was on guard and alert to your surroundings.

“I think they want me to protect your tsum while my lookalike protects you.” Silver assumes, placing his arms protectively around your tsum.

You go to Ramshackle Dorm together and as soon as you arrive in the lounge, your two tsums go to the sofa and snuggle up very close. And now in a safe place and next to your tsum, Silver-tsum falls asleep very soundly. Both you and your tsum find it funny how soft he looks when he sleeps so deeply.

“There goes another attempt to stay awake for as long as possible.” Silver says smiling, also finding it funny. “But I can't blame it. I also feel very relaxed around you.”

You stay with your tsums in the lounge. There's a good chance Silver will fall asleep next to you. Or on your lap if you let him.

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[avionvadion]

YES. YESSSS. YESSSSSSS.

HIT 'EM WITH THAT FILTHY FINALE

I mean, it probably won't happen judging by how things are going now, but we are getting Oogie in some form, I think, so... MAYBE. We got a Jack enjoying singing opera reference!

Part of me wants oogie boogie to make an appearance in this event and do something to the town that makes the NRC students see how intimidating he can be. directs attention to the “nightmare before christmas oogie boogie's revenge” game.

[vampzity]

all eyes on her | H.JS

★ DAY TWO: VOYEURISM WITH HAN ★

pairing: roommate! han jisung x f! reader

han has been your roommate for a year now, and you’re both been very good about each others privacy. but he’d never thought he’d catch you in such a vulnerable state.. or get off to it himself.

[warnings]: MDNI 18+!!, voyuerism, masturbation (fingering & jacking off), breast fondling, use of toys (a dildo), slight cursing? creampie mentioned, han’s a bit of a perv & sub, face riding, any other warnings i missed.

word count: 2.1k

Han walked into the apartment, knocking off his shoes tiredly. He had a long day of lectures and stupid meetings on campus and just wanted to lay in bed for the rest of the day.

It was quiet in the home, an odd feeling when it was of course a shared space between you and him. He placed his bag on the couch, being as quiet as he could assuming that you might’ve had the same thought he did and took a nap.

Han walked into the hallway, stopping by your door. A black laced pair of bra and panties hung against the door knob. His face burned red, knowing that this wasn’t something you normally did especially with a guy in the shared space. He hesitated for a moment, looking around to see if you were playing a cruel prank on him. But to his surprise, it seemed like a harmless mistake.

His hand reached out for the lingerie before his mind could even think of what to do. The lace danced on his fingers, making his cock twitch at the thought of you in them. The way your breast would perk up in them and the way your pussy would sit just right in them.

Just right ontop of him.

He brought the lingerie to his nose, taking a long breath. Your sweet vanilla perfume trailed on the fabrics, your cunt just dying to be tasted. Han was always a respectful roommate, and you two were good friends but unbeknownst to you, he had the hugest crush on you. To anyone else, it might’ve been obvious but you were a bit oblivious, assuming that he was just overly kind toward you.

Han scratched his head, placing your lingerie back on the door knob. He began to walk off, stopping as odd sounds filled his ears. He leaned against your door, hearing small whimpers and moans coming from what he assumed was you. Your voice was sweet and sultry, making him feel as if you were the pied piper and he was the snake.

His dick twitched underneath his sweatpants, practically throbbing at hearing you. He wondered what you were doing, how you were doing such a thing to yourself and why you were doing it alone. He could help you, in fact, Han would be more than grateful to help you let out your sexual frustrations.

He picked up the lingerie once again, holding it tightly in his hands as he opened your door just a bit, feeling relief as your moans drowned out the sound of the twisting and turning. He peeked into the dimly lit room, catching you sprawled on your bed. Lucky for him, the door was in the corner of your room while your headboard was against the same wall, leaving him with a perfect view of you without getting caught.

You were in your bathrobe— of course it was wide open, and you laid in it. Your whimpers were louder now that the door was open, making the boner in Han’s pants strengthen. He watched as you squeezed your breasts, your other hand moving at a quick pace against your cunt. The noises were like music to his ears, the sound of your slick enough to make him go crazy. You were so stuck in your own world, you could barely hear anything else around you.

At least that’s what he thought.

“Didn’t anyone tell you it’s rude to spy on lady?”

Han froze, his eyes meeting yours as you wrapped your robe around your body. His face was now a deep red, watching as you made your way toward him with a tightly fitted robe now on you completely. You looked down at the lingerie in his hand, giggling as you grabbed onto his hand.

“Oh look, you found it!” You took the lingerie from him, giving him a sly look. “I’ve been looking for this everywhere, thank you Hannie.”

He nodded, a look of confusion painted across his face. You walked back to your bed, placing it on the end as you sat down. Han stood there in disbelief, unsure of what to do or even say. You weren’t mad? It didn’t seem like it, in fact you seemed unusually nonchalant about it.

Wouldn’t a girl be offended or feel uncomfortable that a man— let alone their roommate was watching them?

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to— well I guess it seems that way? I was just, I was walking by and I saw, no I heard— ugh.” He ran his fingers through his hair, avoiding any eye contact with you. “I’ll just leave you alone, I swear this won’t happen again— well, I know it should’ve never happened in the first place,”

“Han.”

He met your eyes, a reassuring smile on your face as you motioned him to you. He closed the door, walking to you and standing in front of your bed. You grabbed his hand, undoing your robe and placing his hand on your now exposed breast. Han felt his cheeks and ears glisten red as the warmth of your body met his own, the soft feeling of your skin in his hand.

“Well don’t be shy now, touch me.”

He looked up at you, eyes widening at your statement. You repositioned yourself, now sitting on your knees with your legs open just slightly. You slipped your hand between your thighs, being met with the warmth and wetness between your folds. You moved your hands over your clit, moaning softly as your cunt ached to be touched. Han watched as your head fell back, the sounds now louder than before as you were right in front of him.

His cock twitched beneath his sweatpants, still in shock at what was unfolding in front of him. He squeezed your breast softly, his other hand coming up to cup the other. You whimpered as his thumb toyed with your nipple, the pace becoming quicker against your sensitive bud.

Han was hard, so fucking hard. He couldn’t control it— who would when you were practically drowning in lust right in front of him.

“Hannie.”

You looked up at him, a soft doe look in your eyes that could’ve made him fall to his knees at whatever you asked. You continued to toy with your clit, your whimpers growing while his hands fondled at your chest.

“Gonna cum,” You fingered yourself softly, your other hand rubbing your bud in circles as you felt your high approaching. Han watched you in all your glory, his hands holding your tits softly. He watched your pace fasten, your chest rise and fall quickly as it all rushed over you. He didn’t know what to think; he never thought he’d be watching you in such a vulnerable state like this.

You let out a deep moan, your voice feeling like candy to his ears as the whimpers slowly trailed afterwards. You pulled your fingers from between your legs, your other hand holding his chin.

“Wanna taste, Hannie?” His eyes lit up like a dog seeing a bone, nodding his head as you smiled. You knew Han was soft-hearted, but sexually? It came as a small shock to you seeing how he practically worshipped you without any romantic title.

“Needy, huh? Open.”

Han followed without hesitation, opening his mouth slightly as you brought your fingers to his tongue. He sucked on your fingers softly, your juices coating his tongue. It was sweet, he’s dreamt of the day he could taste you, even feel you on the tip of his tongue. This was as close as he could get to you and he was perfectly fine with that. He would do anything you wanted, anything you asked for if it meant that you’d let him have a taste at you.

“Mm, wanna watch some more, Hannie?”

He quickly nodded, watching as you brought over your desk chair for him to sit at. You pulled your robe off while he sat down, letting it drop to the floor as you crawled back into your bed. Han’s face was basically a tomato at this point, seeming as if there was actual steam coming out of his ears from how heated he got.

You pulled out something from your drawer, giving Han a quick glance before showing it to him. It was a toy, a dildo at that. It wasn’t too big or small, but just the right size for you. You positioned it under you, sitting ontop as small moans escaped you.

His mind raced with the thoughts of him stuffing you full with his cock. How it would feel to have you clenching around him as you struggled to take in his length. Han was practically leaking at this point, desperate to get off as he watched you and within seconds, his sweatpants met the ground. He held his member in his hand, the aching making him throw his head back as he stroked it softly.

Your hands squeezed the comforter as you rode the toy, pants leaving your body as it pressed against your sweet spot. Han stroke himself to your rhythm, imagining it was you ontop of him.

“So good.” you mumbled.

Han met your gaze, watching as your tits jumped when you fastened your pace. It was such a beautiful sight to him; one he could’ve only thought of in his dreams. You leaned back a bit, your hands keeping you still behind you. Spreading your legs a bit more, his mouth nearly dropped. There it was in all its glory and it was so pretty to him. He had a front row seat, watching as the toy slipped in and out of your soaking core. It was a creamy sound, small drops leaking out of you.

“Hannie,” you moaned softly, groping your tits harshly as you continued to ride.

His small whimpers filled your ears, his eyes fixated on you as he stroked himself quickly. He was aching, begging, desperately trying to hold himself back from falling apart right there in front of you and it only made you weak. You brought your hand to your folds, running it over your clit.

“Hannie, gonna cum.”

Your movements got faster with every hit against your sweet spot. You felt a small tingle at your core, the moans escaping you only growing louder.

“Please watch me cum, Hannie.” You met his reddened face, obediently nodding his head.

“Am I pretty like this, Hannie? Tell me I’m pretty.”

His thumb rubbed the tip of his cock, watching you throw tour head back in pleasure as you bounced happily against the toy.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty baby.”

His strokes fastened again to your pace, watching as you creamed all over the toy. You began to whimper his name— once, twice, a third time, over and over. You couldn’t hold it in anymore, and you felt so hot with Han watching your every move. You pulled the dildo out of you, legs shaking as you continued to abuse your clit.

“Taste me, Hannie.”

Without any hesitation, Han quickly pulled up his pants and climbed under your hovering body, letting you sit against his face. You rubbed your clit against his nose, his tongue lapping at your juices. You moaned out his name, hands tugging at his hair. His nose brushed against you, harder, faster as you felt your high coming and this time you couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“Cum— fuck, Hannie, I’m… oh my god.” With a final thrust you came undone a top of him. Han held your thighs down with his arms, tonguing your core softly.

You met eye contact with him, whimpers escaping you as you realized he wasn’t done with you. This was a moment he’s waited— no, dreamt of. To feel your body, to taste your soft skin. It wasn’t something he was willing to give up so easily and you knew that. He grabbed your hips, moving them against his face as his lips wrapped around your swollen bud.

“Hannie, please.. fuck.”

Your sweet moans were all he wanted. He just wanted to make you feel good, give you something that you simply couldn’t fufill on your own. He sucked on your pussy, your sweet juices filling his mouth as your hands raked through his hair.

“You’re so good to me Hannie. Don’t stop..”

You moved your hips with the rhythm of his tongue, panting like a dog as he abused you. You were practically suffocating him at this point, but he didn’t care. All he wanted was to make you happy, give you what you deserved. He adored you, and he was willing to do anything it took to prove it to you.

back to valentine’s masterlist

a/n: this is definitely one of my favs from the event that i’ve written hehe

taglist: @dvrktvnnel @scarfac3 @jjongibears @h4untedgrl @rvereri @joonezra @yyaurii @hwasddeongbyeoli @mingtinysworld @tiredlittlevirgo @honeyhwaaa @evidive @inniesfanblog @bluesungology

★ comment to be added to the taglist or fill out the form here!

[valentinaagarcia]

twisted wonderland characters as things i've heard in the locker room.. pt.2

(bet yall werent expecting this😈 anyways yes i am on the boys team because there was no girls team and it is NOT like k drama)

("yuu" is what i responded to what i heard)

-----

floyd: back up against the wall and bend over

jamil: WHAT

-----

(for context they were doing tigress poses from kung fu panda🔥)

kalim: ching li chong lang

riddle: okay that's just racist, you can't say that when there are people of color in the room man

yuu: why are you all looking at me im not chinese???

ace: why are you assuming it's chinese? racist.

yuu: oh so that's how it's gonna be? kill yourself.

-----

jack: okay guys we actually need a strategy to win this match

floyd: coach send me a dick pic

everyone: HE WHAT?!?

(coach meant to send that to his wife and we had an assistant coach for the entire week because he couldn't face any of us😭)

-----

jamil: you all go assault eachother with balls, i'm out.

ace: lowkey bet, deuce come over here buddy

deuce: in public??

epel: for free??

jack: why is nobody questioning that they've done this before?

leona: how do you know they've done this before huh?

jack: hm.

ruggie: .... HOW DO YOU KNOW???

-----

kalim: yuu..so you know that girl that i was talking about?

yuu: yeah whats up?

kalim: so last weekend i saw her at a gathering...

yuu: ohhkaayy.??? so did you talk to her

kalim: ask me what type of gathering it was.

yuu: ...????what type of gathering was it?

kalim: a family gathering.

-----

yuu: yo whats going on i really gotta piss why are you all hogging the toilet?

lilia: they all shared ace's pocket pussy but noone cleaned it

yuu: okay what the fuck.

lilia: yeah, they used eachothers semen as natural lube

yuu: i didnt ask you to continue.

lilia: they might have some sort of penis disease

yuu: why didn't i become a cheerleader.

-----

jack: okay guys cant we just be a normal football team PLEASE

jamil: i am tired of trying to play footbal only to get fingers shoved up my ass.

vil: you've gotten fingers shoved up your ass?

jamil: look i know your new to the team but.. you haven't? ace, floyd.. are you going easy on the rookies

floyd: nah i broke into his house yesterday

ace: yeah and i hit up his girlfriend

-----

cater: yo i heard rumors that yuu used to be a man

trey: no way? YUU

yuu: what?

trey: did you have a penis before?

yuu: no but if i did it would for sure be bigger than yours

-----

ace: bruh sometimes i forget that yuu has a coinslot

jack: ace shut up.

-----

yuu: bruh sometimes i forget that ace has a penis

ace: i said i'm sorry, your just so masc..

yuu: i will hit you.

jack: yeah its not her fault that she's buff! its okay to have insecurities yuu-

yuu: die

-----

floyd: i mightve just snorted fiberglass guys

jade: oh

-----

rook: people with homophobia are so pretty

epel: isn't it heterophobia?

vil: its fucking heterochromia

-----

deuce: yuu.. this might be shocking but your the only girl that i can talk to without stuttering with

yuu: not shocking at all.

-----

jamil: what the? WHY THE HELL IS THE WATER FROZEN?! FLOYD

floyd: wasnt me!

jamil: ACE??

ace: dont look at me

jack: jamil calm down i froze them so the water after training could be colder but it didnt melt fast, sorry

jamil: oh no worries man

floyd & ace: THE FAVORITISM???

-----

lilia: look at malleus.. poor guy, cant believe hes goalie

leona: YO malleus!

malleus: hm? *gets fucking knocked out by the ball*

sebek: OH MY GOD.

lilia: goodnight malleus

[savanir]

DP x DC prompt [3]

during one of the final psych evals at Arkham right before he gets to be released, the whole thing wrapped up so tidy, just a little relapse which involved a robbery. Getting sent back to Arkham, but he got to stay at the asylum so long that he no longer has to serve a prison sentence, score!

But during that eval his overseeing psychiatrist recommended him to have a change of scenery, some fresh non polluted air.

Riddler was rather convinced the guy was making this recommendation to everyone in Arkham in their own weird way to convince them to just leave Gotham and become someone else's problem. should he notify Batman about it somehow? nah, it’ll be more interesting to see how this is gonna turn out in the long run.

But can he leave the state? Can he even leave the city? he never really bothered to look into it, at least not legally, up until now if he felt he needed to leave for one of his plans he just did it.

Turns out he can, it’s a whole hassle and a half though, first a judge and then a probation officer and he’s pretty sure both were like “what the hell is this psychiatrist guy thinking!?” but at the same time, shrink probably knows what he’s doing (WRONG) so he’s allowed to go visit out of state family or whatever.

he had to wear this nice ankle monitor though, Wayne Enterprises™ tech, not overly bulky but still very present. real fancy, and a fun extra challenge heh.

now as for a good reason to leave New Jersey he’s going to need distant relatives, and he finds some, great grandpa walker also has a son, who had a son who had a daughter Madeline, who married some guy Jack Fenton, and she lives somewhere out in the boonies Illinois. great he’ll visit her.

far enough away in all sense of the word that there is no way she knows anything about him. it would be best to call her first though, be polite about it.

“hello, you have reached Fenton works, this is Maddie speaking” 

“Riddle me this-” ah whoops, habit, oh whatever, “we don’t share parents, but certainly a part of your life, from laughter to strife. Who am I?”

there is a pause …  he’s going to be a bit disappointed if she hangs up if he’s honest.

“cousins~” comes the cheery reply.

“correct! the name is Edward Nygma, we are distantly related you and I and well-”

“oh you simply must come visit!” 

well this was rather easy, perhaps a little too easy, but she lives in the midwest so maybe just going with whatever some guy says over the phone is normal there? stranger danger not really a thing in a small town where everyone knows everyone?

things start to make a little more sense once he gets there and he’s starting to think some things might run in the family. like a preference for the colour green and weird hyperfixations and genius bordering on insanity. Though that remains to be seen, Jack does not seem like a very bright light after his very enthusiastic welcome.

their kids however are observant and sharp. young Jasmine is wasting no time trying to psychoanalyze him. and the boy, Danny, he had not really meant to and he swears he’s sticking with calling the kid Danny so he wouldn’t seem overly familiar, but he might have called him little bird a couple times now.

but that’s all whatever, he’s playing nice here. and he doesn’t even have to worry about his eccentricities tripping him up because this place is insane.

There actually is a local teen vigilante active but he seems about as loved as he’s disliked. and the ghost boy’s enemies are basically all his own kind, which another crazy thing to now know about. ghost. they are real actually, how is Gotham not completely overrun? and how do they even work? and where do they keep coming from?

Edward might be getting a little sidetracked here. He had fully intended to sneakily get his next big game plan underway all the way out here, ankle monitor be damned. but he hasn’t made any progress at all.

Instead he’s been listening to Madeline and Jack to maybe figure out what the deal is with these ectoplasmic entities, he has to know, at this point he might go crazier if he doesn’t. 

He’s making Jasmine promise him not to get her doctorate in Gotham, he’s going back and forth with space riddles with Danny.

so yeah the whole thing kinda just became a vacation, maybe the psychiatrist had the right idea after all? hmm nah, probably not. but this is fun. He’s thinking about recommending this place to some of the others.

It's different enough to get the vacation feel, but enough crazy shit happens to make it all feel like home.

it is not until Maddie wants to talk with him about potentially switching the position of godfather of Danny to him rather than some weird rich friend of theirs that Edward realizes he might have lost the plot somewhere

Apparently the little bird basically begged them with a powerpoint presentation on how he likes Edward so much more than that Vladimir guy. 

And honestly, the fellow sounds like a Dracula Lutho so even if it’s kinda sad Edward can understand why he’d be considered a better option. Even if the guy has more money and a huge company that makes him said money. And it’s not like the Fentons know about his Riddler activities.

Thinking it over, Edward does think that Danny would like Gotham and Wayne has that space program thing right? The kid is definitely smart enough for that (Nygma certified), and yeah Edward does quite like their space themed back and forth. So, fuck it, why not, what is the worst that could happen?

He doubts Maddie and Jack are gonna kick it any time soon anyway out here in the boonies, it’s just a title thing, a stamp of approval or something.

he should have known he was going to eat those words later… he had this whole beautifully elaborate trap set up for the whole Batclan, and he was just getting to the good part when his phone went off.

Had to put the whole thing on pause cause that particular contact wasn’t gonna get ignored. He did promise to be available.

If the whole thing he had planned now went tits up he could at the very least laugh later at the reactions of the bats as he told them to “hold up one second, I have to take this.” while they were all in various perilous positions. 

Sadly he did have to go, he had a very distressed godson to pick up.