#the show is self aware enough to know he’s been pathetic and awful

[actualhumancryptid]

I’ve reached that point in my Mad Men rewatch where I want to drown Don Draper in a shallow puddle. His grasp on his fragile ego is so tenuous and I just want to see him drown in a foot of water on a mildly rainy day,

It’s not helped that I have since read various things about Matthew Weiner and how he fancied himself as Don, tried to replicate the womanising and various lecherous behaviours. And so I’m just seeing this very handsome actor walking around like his sad pathetic avatar. It’s Joss Whedon and his self-inserts all over again. Except less self-aware somehow.

I read that Jon Hamm couldn’t stand Don by the end, I wonder if that’s true.

[tomyo]

Admittedly there’s a struggle with making a whole “sub brand” of me becoming autobiographical comics. I struggle a bit in a few ways; one being that it can often feel like my stories are things my peers don’t want to hear and another being people not necessarily liking being a part of those stories. In general it can be hard to navigate between censoring yourself and being fully raw as there’s a fine line between something that will resonate and something that will become morbid. In a lot of my circles, My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness is basically this well loved narrative of Nagata Kabi being in some sense pathetic. To be clear I relate to that story so deeply on a personal level and I love its obsessive examinations on self but from the perspective of the people in her life, she was probably not well looked upon. And my frustration comes because I can see how people could read and love that and then turn around and not feel the same for me. It’s not as fun to know the artist personally, the magic of their narrative isn’t as infallible. I don’t even think I’m necessarily making stuff that’s going to grip people deeply, they’re just my experience and examinations on how I feel. But there are points where I want to be really honest on my suicidal feelings or negative emotions involving others and it’s like yeah that’s unpleasant. Healing often is unpleasant, not everyone is you life contributes towards that if not sometimes damages it unintentionally.

Part of me is hyper aware that it is trauma from art school. That it was this hell pit where I just felt like I didn’t have the secret ingredient. It was frustrating as hell, to watch my classmates get gushed over and praised while feeling like I was just 60%, something that was fine but not noteworthy. It can sound like I needed to be told I was special but it was more about watching classmates get away with things that you know if you tried or did similar you’d get chewed out for. I probably could have taken that easier if not it being a little depressing if it weren’t for DK literally being a god damned menace. Telling me to quit school, refocusing all my attempts to get proper feedback on how mentally unwell I was, ignoring if I showed up with fully new work for my thesis, saying in front of everyone he didn’t understand why I bothered to show up today, and goading others to give the critic because there was no point in him saying anything. That last one strikes something in me, the way it felt like standing next to my work with my back to the wall was when he wanted others to throw stones at me. It didn’t feel like he was asking others to give me input but to further push how worthless I was in his eyes. No one spoke while we sat in silence for a solid minute like they were children afraid to get caught in the crossfire (I don’t mean that in a way to insult them, I can’t think of a better analogy for keeping your head down to not get in trouble by proxy). I have been fucked up for years because of those 3ish months of my life. Knowing that something is wrong but all the efforts you make to talk to the system or your peers to change what everyone knew was a problem only led back to him finding out you snitched and him getting angrier and meaner towards you. And every week you end up displaying your progress next to the classmate with the special ingredient that makes him spend a whole hour of crit where it’s just praised only to give you less than a minute when he turns towards yours. Suddenly a “what I’m about just didn’t mesh well with the school environment but school isn’t life” becomes “You were just made not good enough if you never make good work and no one wants to believe in you”.

Even down to my emotional moments on my private accounts, my brain just grapples with “You look pathetic in their eyes”. The more I want to make less vague comics the more I think “they’ll resent you and tell you how awful it was for you to make these.”. And I juggle a lot on that, that sometimes that the “breakups” weren’t because I think the people where evil or even in the wrong but that I, a fucked up person, had to make less than stellar decisions to survive. When I tell my mum how I miss people I chose to stop talking to, she said that I was too extreme and even after taking that moment to finally tell her I was diagnosed with BPD I don’t think she fully connects that it was survival. That she would have either had a dead child if I kept trying to do things “the mature way” or I had to sever ties before I made them all reflect about it at a funeral. That yes I have an inclining that my brain is overclocking but it still stands that my self value will struggle if I’m in a friend group that made a big deal about every other person’s birthday but didn’t even remember mine for 5+ years or if another seems to give weird vibes if you’re around and you try to say it’s cool if you just don’t work with them anymore but are left between people who keep you around while partially annoyed that you still are. No one wanted to own any reflection on the dynamics I had with them and it felt like the idea that even partial responsibility was needed was a crime. It felt like the ideal solution for people was that I slowly faded out from vision and died quietly rather than have to confront any bad emotions.

No one wants to know about the noose in your room. The moment you force that knowledge upon them is a sudden burden they didn’t want. “It’s okay to tell us you’re depressed uwu* but don’t actually talk about the nasty parts because that’s you’re responsibility to deal with yourself far away from us and possibly without therapy because that can be inconvenient.” They don’t want to know about the noose because you shouldn’t have a noose to begin with, a noose is a symbol of something being wrong and possibly bearing others to be responsible for you. If there is no noose then nothing is ever wrong in their sphere and all the bad things belong to you alone. The noose forces them to have to think beyond that, why it exists, how to get rid of it, is it properly gone, will you use the noose? I’ve seen what happens after the noose, they cry, they feel all this responsibility that they didn’t take in preventing it, and they hate that there’s a loss they have to feel now. And after that, they still never want to know there’s a noose in your room.

Getting back in the rails rather than typing out what’s probably now its own comics in the works, it’s just….its just hard to think that when I do these things that it feels like others look down on me for it. In reality I have become thin skinned if not always have been so despite being someone more than willing to dish it out. I talk about how I intend to be a problem, worse™️, in my villain era this year. That medicating and trying to let it go felt more like desperately trying to ignore the problem until I purged the emotions in a less productive way. When I think about Bojack and Bad Damage, I couldn’t relate. Throwing all my struggles into comic pages, small narrative snippets, allegorical artwork has felt cathartic despite sometimes chaotic. It’s like untangling a thread by looming it into a tapestry. Vague uneasy feeling get filed away properly. But the flip side of it is how I know I’ll have to mask some my choices not to be chastised or given a speech how everyone always thinks they don’t need their medicine until they do. I am not doing it because I think I feel good enough without it, I want to take it to feel bad again. To feel like the pain that comes from working out the scaring in physical therapy, to let the emotions hit as raw and terrible as possible and not try to be delicate in the way I feel about them. It was a lie to say I want to loose weight it be healthy, I want to loose weight so I can be thin again because I know all the thin body fashion is eating at me and my boobs getting bigger makes me dysphoric. I want to get a good body in some sense of revenge. I want to sell successfully at cons because on one side it is fulfilling and community building but on the otherside I do like the idea that it puts me in a place of visible success with something that makes me happy. And at the same time in all the ways I’m doing the post breakup improvement rounds, I am also still so vulnerable that Olivia Rodrigo hits too good and I do download tinder when I’m close by enough because I miss them all that much. If I had it my way, truly truly truly my way, I want them to come find me and tell me that they miss me, that I did matter and that they’d be open to listening how I felt under appreciated and even thought that wasn’t their intent that they can recognize that it did trigger me into horrible places because BPD is specifically a personality disorder triggered by social dynamics. I wanted them to at least ask or be curious when I had first told them but it felt brushed off even when they said they didn’t know what it meant. I don’t want them to be persecuted or the bad guy but I want them to at least recognize some ownership over how they make me feel even if the end result is they can’t match my needs. I wanted them to miss me and want to put enough in to try and keep me in their lives. Part of all of this is almost certainly a cry for comfort, to see I’m here and still sad and here’s specifically how I felt sad and what helps me not be sad. And it’s delusional because a different part of me knows the call will never be answered, that I may get solace from strangers connecting to my art but colleagues who become resentful of the work.

I’m achy and overthinking it all because some recent stuff just wants to scoop out those more direct narratives about absolutely simping for someone who didn’t even acknowledge you as a viable partner and kept talking about other women as they were face first in you clevage BECAUSE ITS FUNNY. It’s funny that I knew the situation, I could see that it was a fools marathon and yet my undiagnosed ass still took the jog because what queer doesn’t jump into hilariously terrible romancing choices. I don’t think they’re bad for that situation, I think I’m a clown that put myself there in the first place and really just should’ve spoken up at some point rather than romanticize the idea of having a shojo style plot unravel over 50 excruciating chapters. It’s funny all the cringe narratives we form in our heads before they actually start. And I’m just scared no one else will see mine that way or that I’ll cross a boundary I didn’t notice in the pursuit of that.

Ultimately I think that’s what I have to get comfortable with, that being worse™️ for my own sake will likely kill reconciliation, that I think I’m going to burn bridges and loose friendships this year, that I might move forward rather than attempt the hard and long convo that was the other option. The question comes of when it’s okay to finally use what you had been bottling up for this, do you wait for people to be dead or long gone, for the road to fully get cut off before you talk about these things. And I think I am tired of civility that just makes me carry all of it in me. It’s the trauma I haven’t cleaned house on because removing it puts it out in the world. I still envy the people who have done it, who have partners willing to support being in that limelight with them, or how some seem to escape the recoil of throwing this type of stuff out there. I don’t feel like I’ve ever been given the grace to get those things and I just keep telling myself to get comfortable will that.

[tsvkishma]

you wanna kiss me so bad, huh?

series: my hero academia / boku no hero academia

pairings: katsuki bakugo x reader

length: 5k words

warnings: swearing, mentions of making out (w/ a minor), breach of privacy??

tags: secret relationship, enemies to lovers, high school AU, reader-insert

summary: the mutual agreement between you and your bf to keep your relationship on the DL is about to be ruined when he makes the stupid mistake to leave his phone on the table for the whole class to see

author’s note: i’m so sorry! i really tried to make it gender neutral, but it was female leaning... i apologize! i’m still pretty new to writing dis homie so please be lenient when it comes to character accuracy lol. i also apologize for the messy, unstructured writing. also thank u to bae @izvkos for proofreading!

Just as you were getting ready to doze off, the school bell rang, startling you and making you jerk up from your comfortable position on the desk with your head in your arms. Some of your classmates got up to stretch, since it was the break time between classes. Unfortunately, it had only been the end of third period and you had a long school day to go through. You let out a low groan of disappointment. I guess I’ll have to keep myself awake just a little bit longer.

To be honest, you didn’t mean to stay up all night... it was just that you couldn’t help binge-watching your favorite show last night. You convinced yourself that you were only going to watch one episode before you went to sleep... then one lead to two... then three... and then before you knew it, the birds started chirping. But, hey! It wasn’t your fault that it was so addicting!

“Oi.”

You look up to see Bakugo peering over you with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face, “Tch, you don’t look so good today. Didn’t get enough sleep? How are you gonna be a pro hero with those bad habits of yours?”

You scoffed, “Oh, fuck off. Sorry I don’t go to sleep at 8 every night… grandpa.”

“Yeah, yeah. Make fun of me all you want, but who’s gonna be laughing when you fail your exams next week. I see you dozing off in class, you act like Aizawa-sensei doesn’t even notice,” Bakugo grunts.

You coo, “Awe, is blasty-boy watching me during class? I didn’t know you were this deeply in love with me! So cute.”

His face went red for a moment before his usual angry expression returned, “I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU DAMMIT! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR STUPID CRAP LIKE THAT!”

“Y/n! Stop teasing Bakugo like that! You know he can’t handle it...” Mina chimed in, joining the fun.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T HANDLE IT?! ” screamed Bakugo.

“Quiet down back there.,” threatened Cementoss as he entered the class to prepare his next lesson.

You and Mina were just laughing at your classmate screaming his head off, it was always an amusing sight if anything. Even though Bakugo denies having a crush on you, it wasn’t true. And you knew that. He had a fat crush on you, but it was more than that! He was your boyfriend.

You guys had kept your relationship on the down-low for about a month now, your relationship only became official about a week ago, but you guys had been going on dates prior. Bakugo wanted to keep your relationship a secret, you know, to protect his ego or whatever since there has always been a rivalry between the two of you and everyone in Class 1-A was painfully aware of it. He was too proud to let anyone know that he fell for someone he once vouched as his enemy.

-

There was always constant bickering between the two of you. Whether it be something minute or something that you would argue over for a couple of days. It’s not like the arguments were unintentional because they were started just to spite the other. Bickering would start about each other’s fighting technique in battle or even accusing the other of stealing their food from the shared fridge in the dorms.

The rest of your class was so sick and tired of the ongoing feud so one day, they set out a plan (led by Kaminari and Kirishima) to lock you two in a room just to sort out your differences. They set a date where they would trick you two into thinking that there was a class activity that everyone had to attend, but it would just be you two to show up and you would smash the beef between you two, and BOOM! Problem solved.

Just as the day came for the plan, something was weirdly off about you two. The morning of, you two both came into class at the same time and it was dead silent between you two. No bickering, no petty comments, and no evil stares. As more and more people were arriving, they would immediately notice the weird tension in the air. It was strangely quiet, not just because you and Bakugo were silent, but because everyone else was too. The thought of you guys not constantly at each other’s necks that morning sort of put off the rest of the class. It felt weird to talk over the dead silence when they were so used to your guys’ voices as ambiance while they were in conversation.

As the day went on, nothing changed and you guys were still silent and ignoring each other. Obviously, everyone was suspicious about what exactly happened between you two to make you ignore one another. There was no way that you guys were angry at each other because when you were, both of you made it clear by arguing and yelling loudly.

However, before anyone had the chance to ask why you guys were so quiet,  Bakugo decided to approach you for the first time between class periods. At this point, the class was back to normal and having regular conversations with one another during break time, but all of their eyes were on you two, and their voices hushed to pay attention to the tense interaction shared between you two.

“Oi. Let’s talk,” said Bakugo bluntly.

You looked up at his crimson red eyes for a second before looking away as if his presence wasn’t even there. At this point, you didn’t know what to say to him, yet. This fired up Bakugo because within a second he started yelling again.

“HEY DUMBASS! YOU DON’T GET TO IGNORE ME LIKE THAT!” he screamed.

You turned to meet his glare annoyed, “Oh, shut the fuck up. I don’t owe you shit. Leave me alone.”

He tested, “The fuck did you say to me, idiot?!”

“Fuck off, dipshit, all you ever wanna do is yell! And might I add- you do it loudly. Are you such a fucking grandpa that you can’t even hear yourself speak? Can you ever jjust shut. the. fuck. UP!” you yelled back.

The arguing continued and the rest of Class 1-A continued with their previous conversations after seeing you guys back to normal. The tension between you guys soon left their minds as they continued with the rest of their day. Unbeknownst to them, the night before you two were arguing like usual in the kitchen area of the dorms before Bakugo made his first move on you.

-

The argument started with you getting angry at Bakugo for making a mess on the counter after spilling some of his water. It was late at night and no one else was around and you two happened to wake up around the same time to get a drink of water.

“You idiot, clean up your fucking mess. You spilled it all over the counter,” you said as you gestured to the spilled water.

“Tch. I didn’t spill shit. If it bothers you so much, why don’t you go clean it up yourself?” he groaned as he leaned against the counter.

Appalled, you grabbed the roll of paper towels and threw it at his head. He was caught off guard as the roll of paper hit his forehead. It fell and rolled out onto the floor. Now, he was truly annoyed.

“Fuck was that for, huh?!” he said staring at you, smoke practically coming out of his ears.

You laughed, “Just giving you a hand since it seemed like you were too fucking lazy to grab the paper towels yourself. Seems like the grandpa’s getting too old to do stuff for himself, boohoo.”

He growled, rage evident in his face. You laughed to yourself looking away from his face. The next thing you knew, he grabbed you by the shoulders and pushed you against the fridge behind you. You were pinned by his big, rough hands and he was closer to your face than usual, yet still enraged.

You tried to wiggle out of his grip, but it was useless, “Let go of me, idiot! You need to learn how to take a fucking joke.”

He didn’t respond, but he kept his eyes on your face. You tried moving away, but now his grip on your shoulders tightened, making your breath hitch.

“What the fuck is your problem? You want me to say sorry or something? Did the paper towel knock the fucking sense out of you? Let me go!” you argued.

“What happened to all your fucking hero training? Can’t get out of my grip, huh? How pathetic,” he growled in a low tone.

You felt his eyes piercing into your own and it was making you a little bit uncomfortable. He’s never been physical with you, even with the constant bickering between you guys. This was a side of him you’ve never seen.

You started, “Look, did I hurt your feelings or something? Did I hit you really hard on the head? There’s no point in holding me against the fridge. Plus, the handle is kind of hurting my back-”

“Shut up,” he stated plainly.

He looked away, avoiding eye contact with you. Okay.... suspicious much...

You tried moving once again, then he pulled you up from the fridge only to slam you back against it, but this time harder.

“Why can’t you just fucking stay still?!” he started yelling.

“Ow! Because you’re being a fucking weirdo! There’s something fucking wrong with you, it’s starting to creep me out! What the fuck are your intentions anyway, huh?!” you argued back.

His calmness fading, he yelled back, “SHUT THE FUCK UP! ALL YOU EVER DO IS GET ON MY FUCKING NERVES LIKE YOU KNOW EVERY FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD!”

His face was inching closer and closer to your face with each word pouring from his mouth. You smirked at this.

You laughed, teasing, “Oh, you wanna kiss me so bad, huh?”

He immediately froze after hearing that sentence spill from your mouth and avoided eye contact yet again. Oddly enough, he returned to his calmer self... If you didn’t know any better, it was obvious that that sentence held some truth with him.

“Look just-”

Before you could finish your sentence, his lips crashed onto yours. Your eyes shot wide open at the shock of the situation. Bakugo Katsuki fucking kissed you... Bakugo Katsuki. The Bakugo Katsuki who always argued with you. The Bakugo Katsuki who always got on your nerves. THAT Bakugo Katsuki.

Taking you away from your thoughts, he pulled away from the kiss. He examined your face for your reaction, but you were frozen in place with your eyes shot wide open. You didn’t know what to do, as if you were a computer and you were going through some code that you weren’t programmed to handle. He looked away and scoffed at himself, mumbling.

“Of course, she didn’t fucking like that, idiot...” he mumbled.

His grip on you loosened and his hands were brought to his side and he couldn’t bear to look at you in the face again. Breaking from your frozen state, you focused your eyes on him. He pulled his face away from your point of view and was scratching his neck in embarrassment and you could notice the light blush spread on his cheeks. You felt a little tug on your heart that you’ve never felt before when looking at him. At that moment, he was just so freaking cute.

Mentally telling yourself that you’re gonna regret this later, you grabbed his face in your hands and pulled him closer to you again. Your lips locked with his and you closed your eyes to bask in the moment. Only this time, Bakugo’s eyes were shot wide open, but only for a second. Relief soon spread across his face and his eyes rested on your waist, pulling you closer.

Both of you guys wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment forever, the rivalry between you two completely non-existent. As all good things must come to an end, you pulled away from him and your eyes made contact for a second before you both looked away, blushing. Realization soon hit you and you didn’t know what to do next.

“I-”

“Uh-”

You guys stuttered at the same time, making eye contact for a second before looking away. The atmosphere between the two of you was confusing. Before you could think of another thing to say, he spoke up first.

“Good night,” he said.

He walked away swiftly and turned the corner to the hallway towards his dorm. You stood for a few seconds not knowing what to think. You released the breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in and proceeded to walk towards your dorm room. Leaving the kitchen a bit of a mess for the night.

The next day it was Kaminari who was blamed for leaving the paper towel on the floor and some spilled water on the counter. Poor boy.

-

Now, the relationship that you had with ‘blasty-boy’ would probably seem complicated and confusing in the eyes of others, but you two were pretty content with where you guys were at. There was an unspoken agreement that you would keep your relationship under wraps. You knew how Bakugo always tried to upkeep his ego of being the best. You’ve always assumed that he didn’t want anyone to know he had a soft spot for you. And you didn’t necessarily mind not sharing your relationship out in the open, anyway. I mean, you guys only just made your relationship official, but it was a little hard to keep your mouth shut when you desperately wanted to gush about him with the other girls of Class 1-A.

Although, you guys have managed to maintain the rivalry between you guys in front of the others. It’s not like you guys were faking it, though. Only now, you guys saw it as fun, meaningless banter and meant nothing by it. The few times that you’ve got to spend with Bakugo alone were completely different from when you would be with him as a group. 

On one of your more recent dates, he invited you to watch a movie in his dorm room and he was so adamant about keeping you close to him throughout the movie. At one point in the night, you tried to get up to use the restroom real quick and his arm around your waist pulled you back down, making you fall onto his lap and you stared up at him. He ignored you and stared at the laptop screen.

“Uh... I need to go pee. Let me go, please?” you smiled up at him.

He gave you a glance and reverted his stare to the screen again, “No.”

“What do you mean no? I drank so much water because the popcorn was too salty... come on. You want me to pee on you or something?” you joked.

He laughed, “So, what if I do?”

You sat up and his gaze finally met yours and his signature smirk was plastered on his face.

You grabbed one of his pillows and hit him with it, “Ew, you’re so fucking gross! I’m going.”

He laughed and finally allowed you to leave, but rest assured, he snuggled up with you when you came back.

-

Right now, you were hanging with the rest of your class in the common room. On Fridays, you guys all agreed to a movie night after a long week of classes. You were sitting with the rest of the girls, settled between Momo and Mina. The movie hasn’t started yet since everyone was starting to get comfortable and settled in. A few of your classmates were grabbing popcorn and other snacks in the kitchen while the rest of you guys were just chatting. Somehow, the conversation between the girls evolved into talking about relationships.

“Oh my god! There was this really cute guy that I accidentally bumped into at lunch and apparently he’s a third-year! I hope I bump into him again, he was seriously cute,” gushed Mina.

“That’s so cute, Mina! I wish I had, like, ANY romantic interactions. My life’s so boring...” groaned Ochaco.

“Same,” said Hagakure.

The rest of the girls sort of nodded in agreement, but you just sat there sipping your juice pouch loudly.

“Y/n? You’re awfully quiet,” teased Tsu as she nudged you with her elbow.

“Well, I mean-”

“What are you ladies talking about over here, huh?” said Denki as he and the other boys inched closer to the girls to join their conversation.

Momo spoke up, “Seems like Y/n over here has a crush!” 

You covered your face in embarrassment, “No I do not! It’s... uh... look we’re just... talking?”

Kirishima teased, “Awe so who’s the lucky individual?”

“Yeah, I wanna know who captured our Y/n’s heart,” laughed Sero.

“It’s no one...” you said after trying to recover after digging yourself in a deeper hole.

“Hey, Bakugo. How do you feel about Y/n’s new crush, huh? Maybe your love for her isn’t reciprocated after all...” started Kaminari before Bakugo stood from his seat on the couch and grabbed his shirt to intimidate him.

He growled, “I don’t have a crush on Y/n. How many times do I have to tell you idiots that?!”

“You’re just jealous that Y/n’s significant other is probably hotter than you!” laughed Mina.

Visibly annoyed at the situation, Bakugo walks away rolling his eyes and mumbling, “Tch. Can’t believe I go to school with a bunch of idiots...”

“Awe, can’t take it anymore? Your love for me is so strong that it pains you to listen to this conversation, huh, Bakugo?” you teased.

“Shut up. I’m going to the bathroom,” he said plainly.

The rest of your classmates on the couch got a laugh in before the topic of your potential significant other died down into smaller topics within different people. Those who were in the kitchen preparing the snacks for everyone finally came back and everyone was finding their seats around the TV and your boyfriend had yet to come back.

You pulled out your phone to text him and right as you did, Iida turned off the lights.

“Yo, Y/n. Turn off your phone it’s too bright and the movie’s about to start,” nudged Mina.

You apologized, “Sorry. I’ll turn it off in a minute I just need to text someone.”

You pulled up your boyfriend’s text log and typed in a message for him:

yo blasty boy why arent u back from the bathroom the movies starting

...also i saved u a seat next to me so we can cuddle (lowkey of course hehe)

After sending those two messages, you put away your phone in your pocket. Everyone was concentrated on the movie and you set your attention on the TV screen until...

PING PING

A phone on the coffee table lit up brightly while making two loud notification pings. Everyone lost focus on the movie and looked over at the phone on the table. No doubt that it was your grandpa of a boyfriend’s phone pinging. Before you could do something, Kirishima grabbed it.

“Who the hell didn’t turn off their ringer? And why is it so damn loud..” laughed Sero.

Kirishima’s eyes scanned his phone for a quick second before his eyes widened and he covered his mouth in surprise.

“Holy shit! Bakugo has a girlfriend!” yelled Kirishima.

You couldn’t help but cover your face in your blanket... Bakugo was about to be so mad at you. Your secret would be out and honestly, you were glad, but you know that your boyfriend didn’t want anyone to find out anytime soon. At least, not like this.

Everyone turned to Kirishima, suddenly losing interest in the movie playing in front of them.

“Oh my god, you’re joking!” squealed Yaoyorozu.

Ojiro claimed, “There’s no way that Bakugo has a girlfriend. Not that hothead.”

“Bro, I’m not joking! And guess what... it’s someone in this room!” exclaimed Kirishima.

Everyone starts looking around the class, silently accusing their classmates of being the culprit.

“Look what they said: ‘also i saved u a seat next to me so we can cuddle‘! Someone better start speaking upppppp!” said Kaminari teasingly as he got the phone from the red-haired boy.

“So, who is it?” grinned Ochako.

Sero peeked at the phone in Kirishima’s hands, “There’s no name, it just says ‘dumbass’. That’s so like Bakugo.”

You sighed in relief. You didn’t know that Bakugo didn’t have your contact as your actual name. 

“G-guys! I don’t think Kacchan would want us to go through his phone...” protested Midoriya.

“Midoriya is right! This is not respectful behavior, we should respect our classmate’s privacy,” Iida said matter-of-factly.

Kaminari replied, “Aw, come on you guys are no fun! It’s harmless, anyway! If it really is someone in our class, we were bound to find out! It’s inevitable!”

You grab the phone from him and said, “Wow, Kaminari, I didn’t know you had the vocabulary capacity for the word inevitable! Now, let me see this...”

Lo and behold, your messages were shown on the screen under the name ‘dumbass’. You tried to analyze the situation and how you could use this small sliver of anonymity to your advantage. You concluded that just trying to play off the situation would be the best thing to do-

“Woah, woah, woah. What’s that as Bakugo’s wallpaper?” said Mina as she slowly grabbed the phone from your hands.

Right then, a horror scene played out right in front of your eyes. As everyone was standing crowded around the phone (whether they agreed with peering through your boyfriend’s phone or not), they were looking at the brightly-lit device in the pink girl’s hands and she deleted the notifications to show his very-telling wallpaper… you could say there was a slight miscalculation in your plan as you failed to notice earlier that his wallpaper was the two of you... making out.

You couldn’t bear to look at what was on his phone as everyone let out their gasps. It was too embarrassing, everyone seeing such an intimate moment on your boyfriend’s phone. Bakugo had taken that picture on a whim one night when you two were having one of your movie nights. When he did that, you were shocked because there was no way that Bakugo took pictures of himself ever. Honestly, you were shocked to see that he knew how to take a selfie. Nonetheless, you peeked through your fingers at the phone in Mina’s hand just for a bit.

To your surprise, he set the wallpaper to LIVE MODE. Live mode...... Everyone was watching you guys make out in action like it was a fucking movie.

That motherfucker...

The silence of realization was then disrupted as the girls let out their squeals and the whole class was causing a commotion while the boys high-fived each other as if they won a competition or something. Everyone was up and moving, a strong contrast from them mere minutes ago when they were lounging around on the couch and floor. Sero was shaking your shoulders as you covered your face in your hands. Your face was heating up from all the embarrassment and you couldn’t bear to look at any of your classmates after what they just witnessed.

You didn’t know what to think. Half of you were completely embarrassed that your friends just saw you in an embarrassing scenario and half of you were angry at Bakugo because this was all his fault! Who the fuck puts such an intimate moment as their wallpaper?! Why not something cute? And of course, it had to be a live photo…

You finally peered through your hands again to see the scene in front of you. Mina was laughing so hard on the couch that she was on the verge of tears.

“I CAN’T BREATHE! NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD I EVER EXPECT THIS SHIT!” she cried.

Most of the boys were still jumping up and down like some monkeys due to the sheer excitement and energy in the room. Uraraka walked up to you and smiled widely while placing her hands firmly on your shoulders.

“Wow! Who would’ve thought that you and Bakugo were a thing! I honestly didn’t see that coming… sorry that we all had to find out that way. I was a little too absorbed in the excitement to consider how you felt,” said the round-faced girl.

With your face still red, you said, “Don’t worry about it… it was bound to happen soon enough, right? Although, now I’m a little embarrassed, but I guess I’m kind of relieved that I don’t have to put much effort into hiding our relationship anymore.”

Yaoyorozu chimed in, “Honestly, this is more entertaining than the movie we were just watching!”

You laughed along with the other girls who were nearby. On the other side of the room, the boys were making a train throughout the room and singing.

“Uh, y/n,” interrupted Asui, “Look.”

The man-of-the-hour walked in the room with his hands in his pockets with his usual grumpy expression. He stopped to examine the room and stared quietly at the energetic group of boys.

He scoffed, “What are you nerds doing? Why aren’t you guys watching the fucking movie, huh?”

He looked around the room until his eyes met yours and you quickly looked away, which caught his attention. Your mind was racing a mile a minute trying to think of an excuse. Your gaze averted to the ground, but you could hear his footsteps heading your way.

“Since when did your socks suddenly get so interesting that you can’t look me in the eyes?” teased Bakugo.

He brought his hand up to your chin and lifted your face to meet his gaze. His playful smirk instantly dropped once he saw your expression. Your eyes were borderline teary and seemed lost, like a sad puppy.

He whispered so that only you could hear, “Baby… what’s up?”

You wanted to give in to his touch at that very moment and run into his arms, but you resisted because you knew that it would be too selfish given how you just broke your guys’ agreement. You didn’t deserve to be in his embrace right now, he was seconds away from finding out that your guys’ secret came out accidentally all because you sent a random text. You pulled your face away from his grip and moved away from him.

“W-wait, what-” he started.

“HEYYYYYYYYYYY, BAKUBRO!” said Kaminari and he wrapped an arm around him (much to Bakugo’s dismay), “How come you didn’t tell your buddies that you had a soft side to you, huh?”

Bakugo grunted, “What the fuck are you going on about?”

Kirishima chimed, “You know, you shouldn’t leave your phone out in the open like that… it makes you vulnerable!”

Still confused he said, ”Did worms get in your brains? We’ve been only one day off from school and you start lacking common sense?”

To his surprise, you walk up with his phone in your hand while keeping eye contact, unlike earlier.

“Sherlock, I thought you would’ve connected the dots by now,” you sighed, with a tinge of sadness behind it, “Your wallpaper… really?”

You hold up the phone up to his face and his reaction was almost humorous to you. His eyes widened and his face was painted with a light tint of pink.

For the first time in your life, you witnessed your boyfriend at a loss for words. The rest of your class watched the whole interaction and some restrained laughs were let out and they were all back to square one, laughing like maniacs. You were about to join in and laugh with them when you realized again what the situation at hand was. You were scared of how Bakugo would react since this would be the first rift in your relationship and you didn’t want to have a genuine argument with him, especially with how angry he could get. Suddenly, you felt a pair of hands grasp yours and you look up to see your boyfriend smiling at you.

“I-”

Before you could say a single word, he hauls you on his shoulder, and you yelp in surprise. You don’t know how you ended up in this position, but now you’re dangling off of him and now you’re staring at the ground. (Also, his face was dangerously close to your ass, but you didn’t mention it.) He starts walking away and away from the commotion towards his dorm room. Before you can protest, he leans his head on your body causing you to freeze up. You could feel his warmth from his body heat against your shirt.

“You know… I’m not mad at you. I could never be mad at you,” he says quietly.

Your brain took time to process that sentence… was Bakugo actually not mad? Most importantly, who knew such sweet words could come out of his mouth? You couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief and you relaxed a bit.

Wanting to tease him, you said, “Sorry, you were too quiet. Could you repeat that again?”

He groaned, “I said… I’m not mad at you, I could never be.”

You giggled, “I know. I heard you the first time, but I thought my ears were deceiving me… Katsuki Bakugo is saying something nice for once? Whatttt…”

He shook you a little, “Forget it. You didn’t hear anything.”

Raising yourself a little, you patted your boyfriend on the head, “Nope. Remembering that phrase forever and ever.”

“Whatever.”

You smiled, “Whatever!”

[kkachis]

Plz show us the forbidden discord vlad ideas.

so you have wished it, so it shall be *desiree laugh*

edited and expanded from what i posted in discord, but here it is:

while in the real world, the answer to “why does vlad’s ghost form look like that” might be "it was an easy way to code him as a refined asshole villain", in the world of the story, you can make it much more interesting. once you try the fanon of a ghost’s appearance being influenced by their self-image on for size, things get interesting, because it begs the question - why a vampire?

on one level, it's a projection of what he wants to be: vampires are domineering, strong, powerful, terrifying. it's a far cry from his bedbound state in the medical facility, left at the mercy of prodding doctors and nurses who may or may not have had his best interests in mind (given the GIW, or a prototypical version of them, have probably been around long enough for vlad's case to be of interest). if he’s powerful and menacing in his ghost form, that’s as distanced as he can be as the poor case study in room 529.

and about power: vampires lurk in the night. they exert absolute control over their unsuspecting victims, and that’s what everyone else is to vlad: unsuspecting, unknowing. vulnerable, not knowing that any games they play with him don’t follow human rules anymore. power is important for vlad to wield, either as a means to a to fulfill his obsessions or as a goal in and of itself - depends on your take on vlad. there’s also projecting that power to other ghosts to establish himself on the pecking order.

on another level, it's accepting and leaning into the qualities in himself that he perceives as monstrous. the world wants to give him an accident that destroys his humanity? it wants to take away the love of his life and tear apart the few friendships he had? it wants to ruin his degree, to leave him bedbound and his face scarred and his hair forever marked with what had been done to him?

the world wants a freak?

fine. he’ll show them a monster.

vlad is a spiteful bitch. he also doesn’t see himself as a good person by any means. he abuses his powers for his own gain left and right, so it makes sense that if he knowingly leans into being a bad person, his form will match it. he’ll be monstrous in both how he looks and in his behaviour. he knows he’s the bad guy. he knows he's a monster. he owns it. and if he owns it, it can't hurt him.

but on yet another level that vlad doesn't want to acknowledge...

what is a vampire? a lonely thing in a lonely castle. something inhuman. something alone, alone, alone. it's a parasite that relies on other human beings to feed it. what is he, lying around in a hospital, terrifyingly dependent? what is he, flying around and stealing money to line his own pockets? a parasite. a lonely thing in a lonely castle.

lonely dracula in a castle doesn't need friends or lovers, only meals. he’s not exactly unaware of the stories that come with vampires. but it’s not like he wants to face that.

i think that it's most interesting when a character has multiple "levels" of thinking about things. we often don't want to admit everything about how we tick. i find it's especially helpful to break down the "levels" in the thinking of villains, because they usually have the deepest levels of cognitive dissonance and things they don't want to admit. a hero is usually forced to face it and overcome it. a villain tends to get mired in it until they lose themselves. the truth is, all these levels of vlad’s subconscious contribute to his ghost form’s appearance - now the next most interesting question is what do people think is the truth?

vlad is smart and self-aware enough to acknowledge his desire to radiate power. it's the smart thing, arguably - project power to the ghosts, separate his human and ghost half's appearances. amassing power? just the logical thing to do for an ambitious man like him. he will admit that he embraces monstrosity, though that he admits secondarily. he'd rather pretend that he's smart all the way through.

danny probably thinks that the monstrosity is the true place where it comes from - vlad is unrepentantly manipulative and a constant source of terror in his life. projection of power sounds more like an excuse. to danny, embracing the monster within is precisely what delineates himself from plasmius, and why danny looks so much more human.

that third level is what you drag out of vlad kicking and screaming. in those terribly vulnerable moments of introspection, where you're completely honest with yourself for an awful, shitty moment, that's when vlad might just admit why he sees himself as a vampire. there's an insane lonely thing in him, and it never stopped howling. it never stopped begging for warm human hands. it never stopped repulsing him with its weakness. he's not just a monster because he's a bad person - he's a monster because he's pathetic.

[hypnomicimagines]

Fateful Meeting [Ninja!Harai Kuko/Reader]

The young ninja’s eyes were sharp, intense, so much so it felt like you were looking into the sun.

You looked down and away from his glare as you continued to tend to his wounds, ignoring the way he shifted uncomfortably, like he didn’t want you touching him at all. But he was the one who had stumbled upon your home a complete bloody mess, barely conscious as he looked up at you with pleading eyes, a moment of weakness when he thought he was on death’s door. Now that you had given him water and stopped his wound from bleeding his normal temperament had come back, and something told you he wasn’t the most pleasant dinner guest to have.

You had just finished bandaging him up when he abruptly stood, grabbing your wrist to stop you from reaching out to touch him again. You shared a look, wondering if he was the type of ninja to have taken a vow of silence before he opened his mouth for the first time.

“What do you want?” His tone is harsh but you think it’s likely just the way he sounds, if his looks are anything to go by. “You wasted your healing supplies on me, so what is it you want in return?”

“I don’t expect you to repay my kindness. Kindness isn’t kindness if it’s done expecting gratitude. Although I do suggest you spend some more time here recovering before you go anywhere…” Kuko’s eyes widened ever so slightly at your words but he doesn’t allow you to fully see his surprise, his neutral expression returning just as quickly as it had left. He adjusted the mask on his face as he stepped towards the door, ignoring your pleas for him to sit and rest a while longer.

“I always repay my debts.”

“Wait! Can’t you tell me your name at least? Or is that part of the whole secretive ninja clan thing you clearly have going on?” He hesitated for a second at your request, so simple to you yet to him… it was a show of trust. To willingly give your name to a stranger could mean terrible things for someone whose job was to blend in with the night; it would be better if you could forget he was ever even there which is why he becomes even more surprised when he spoke.

“Harai Kuko. Don’t forget it!” There’s a little more emotion in his introduction, a little less cold and far more personality shining through (which reaffirmed your assumption he was not the type of guest to bring home to your parents). But you found yourself charmed by him all the same, gentle smile on your face as you waved goodbye, his name just a whisper on the wind with how quickly he was gone.

You’re in awe at how such a bright shock of red hair managed to fade perfectly into the darkness but he’s gone from your view within seconds, leaving you reeling at the experience, wondering if it had only been a dream. The bloodied bed where he laid as you tended to him told otherwise but you tried not to think too deeply on it, grabbing the sheets to toss into your laundry pile to clean later. You cleaned up the scraps of your bandages and tidied your home like no one had been there, knowing that you had to sleep soon as you couldn’t burn the candle at both ends. You had to be up early for your patients the next morning as well since the work never seemed to end in the midst of the war.

As you’re finishing up there’s several aggressive knocks at your door, your body suddenly tensed as something feels off. Ever since your late-night visitor had left you felt an odd sensation in your chest, this anxiety unwavering in the heavy night air as you wondered how things could possibly get more interesting. When you’re greeted with the sight of two heavy-set men your anxiety finds itself skyrocketing, finding yourself backed into the corner of your own home as they make themselves comfortable.

“Excuse us for intruding. We just happened to see a trail of blood leading here… Are you alright?” His tone indicated he was not at all concerned about your well-being so you didn’t reply, instead trying to fix him with a steady stare that said ‘I’ve done nothing wrong’. “Ah, I see, the quiet type. I don’t mind that however… we’re tracking down a certain menace. A man with bright red hair who we heavily injured earlier today.”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Are you not the resident healer?”

“I am… but that blood trail could have just as easily been from an injured boar who was fighting for territory in the woods. Assuming it was human is a leap.”

“Might I ask why you’re still awake?”

“Some nights my mind keeps me awake with all sorts of thoughts, like whether or not I have to go into town to get more herbs and the like. You’re awfully inquisitive, are you perhaps looking to become a healer rather than being a person who supplies me patients?”

Your temper started to flare up despite you trying to carefully navigate the conversation, wanting these people who clearly came here to threaten you out of your home. You’d dealt with their type before, absolute savages, and you don’t appreciate their intrusion. You’re fonder of the random man who was bleeding out on your doorstep than these people who hurt just because they could, who bullied because they knew people were too afraid to stand up to them. Your irritation doesn’t go unnoticed but is returned with a heavy silence and glares, the two men who had forced their way in their home looming over you menacingly.

Perhaps you should’ve just gone straight to bed.

Kuko hadn’t made it far.

As headstrong as he was even he couldn’t deny the pain his body was in, his wounds aching as they hadn’t closed properly. He was normally far more respectful of the healers back at the temple but he was in a hurry, needing to report back to his father his findings immediately. He didn’t want to bring those hunting him to you either, it would be bad news as they seemed to have no issue slaughtering innocents left and right. He felt like there was a boulder in his gut that was slowing his movements, his body not able to move as nimbly until he’s finally forced to stop. He doesn’t know how far he’s gotten nor how much time has passed but he’s bleeding again.

It’s either turn back towards your hut or continue forward in hopes of finding another healer.

Something else is pulling him back towards you, like you’d attached strings to his body and were pulling at him to come back behind the curtain. Kuko bit his tongue hard to keep himself conscious, leaning against a tree, taking a deep breath, and then starting the journey back to your home. He’d have to prepare a proper apology for impeding on you so late at night but the sudden sense of urgency that rushed through his body stopped his needless worrying, walking forward with a huff.

He didn’t know why but he had to get back to you.

Now.

Your head is pounding as you lay in a crumpled heap on the floor, hands raising to cover your head to prevent further damage to your skull. You’d be in more pain if you were fully conscious but you’re only partially aware of what’s happening to you, your house in shambles around you. The place had been torn apart, the bloody bandages from earlier thrown across the room as they had been found during a ‘mandatory search’. The table you had been sitting at was flipped over and jars of needed herbs were tossed on the floor, even worse, now your own blood was staining the floor.

You’re fighting to stay awake, eyes scanning the floor for anything to defend yourself with but it was a fruitless endeavor. Your hands were meant to heal not harm, you weren’t suited for anything like this, and your assailants were clearly far more skilled than the average soldier. You wished you could say you put up a better fight than the pathetic mess that actually happened but there wasn’t time for self-pity.

“Hey you bastards! Didn’t hurt your pride enough after round one?”

Ninja’s are supposed to be quiet, stealthy, but Kuko had burst onto the scene like some sort of hero in a play. You’re wide-eyed as you spot the shock of red hair but your vision is so blurry and your brain so scrambled you’re worried you’re just hallucinating him. Your eyes met his for a second, your pleading reaching Kuko’s heart immediately; if he hadn’t been so carefully trained his entire life, he thinks his anger might’ve exploded in that moment, causing him to do something he’d regret. To see someone who had treated him with kindness, without asking any extra questions about who he was, someone who was likely innocent and had no means of defending themselves…

It pissed him off.

You hear the sound of skin on skin, some cackling that you’re sure is your ninja savior despite how high-pitched and wicked it sounded, and what you hope isn’t your house getting torn into even more pieces. Your face was buried in your arms as you were growing more exhausted, knowing the moon must be high in the sky at this point. You should’ve been in bed hours ago. Who would help your patients tomorrow when you could hardly help yourself? You weakly managed to bring your head up to survey the room around you but it’s suddenly silent, not a soul in sight until Kuko re-enters your home from the front door.

“Should I ask where you took them or just rely on blind faith?”

“You don’t have to blindly trust me but those assholes got what they deserved,” Kuko scoffed as he walked over to you, lifting you effortlessly so he could bring you over to your little bed (which had stayed clear of any debris). “Shit, I’m tired.”

Your eyes widened as Kuko lowered the mask so he could breathe a little easier, his face so smooth except for a scar on the underside of his chin. You can see a few more scars peeking out from the tears in his clothes but you don’t allow your mind to wander. Kuko is currently questioning why he just revealed his face in front of a civilian without thinking twice about the consequences, knowing this was yet another rule he had broken. There was a strict code all ninja were expected to follow and he’d already broken at least two rules, even more because he actually found himself liking you. He would be lucky if he got out of this unscathed by his father, not that he gave a damn what that shitty old man had to say to him, but he’d rather make his life easier.

“You’re bleeding… your wound from before reopened, didn’t it? I need to help you…”

Kuko shied away from your touch but you can see he’s actively fighting his body’s natural response to protect himself, freezing in place to allow you to place a hand on his shoulder. You kept your movements deliberately slow to prove you meant no harm, not like you could even consider raising a hand to him after he had saved you from who knows what kind of fate. He had half a mind to argue with you about trying to help him when you were injured yourself but he was too tired to even argue, his dad would’ve laughed if he heard that one.

“We should sleep…” After you had replaced his bandages with clean one you sent an exasperated look to your home, disliking the fact it was so messy despite none of it being your fault.

“We can just clean tomorrow.” Kuko flopped himself unceremoniously onto the floor beside your bed, hands behind his head like a pillow with his legs crossed; he winced a bit at the impact but otherwise gave no indication he was uncomfortable. You’re about to question his decision to sleep directly beside you but there really didn’t seem to be enough room in your home with a table flipped over in the middle of it, so it was easier to just settle yourself in beside him and hope he wasn’t secretly some pervert.  

Wait, did he say we?

“So, you’re going to stay this time?” You turned on your side to look at him, “I could use some extra help in the woods tomorrow… It shouldn’t be too rough a walk with your injuries… but I guess it’s selfish of me to ask a stranger to just help me out with my own chores…”

“Hmph. I guess I can help.” Kuko’s eyes are closed yet he’s unable to sleep, peaking one open when he hears you shuffling around next to him in an attempt to get comfortable. Even with a bruise forming on your temple you’re as stunning as ever, the young ninja biting his lip as he wondered how much of this was a sense of duty and how much was just him indulging his personal desires.

“Thank you…” You finally whispered out as sleep overcame you.

Kuko is left speechless, cheeks warm as he tries to settle his rapidly beating heart.

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝒀𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆! 𝑨𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒛: 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑻𝒓𝒚 𝑻𝒐 𝑷𝒐𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒏 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, encouraging, justifying, supporting nor romanticizing Yandere behavior. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

Warnings: Mentions of yandere behavior, violence and disturbing scenarios are contained in this post. Read at your own discretion and responsibility.

❧𝙺𝚒𝚖 𝙷𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚓𝚘𝚘𝚗𝚐

Hongjoong knew what you were up to, he had eyes everywhere, in the form of cameras, which you weren't aware of. He wasn't scared though. He knew you inside and out, so he knew you would never be able to bring yourself to actually go through with it. Having always been a pushover and complacent person, you'd never harm anyone. And he's also made sure to train you well enough to not try any stunts.

That's why while you two were eating dinner, he watched you out of the corner of his eye while he lifted the poisoned drink to his mouth.

"Wait! Hongjoong don't drink that!" You blurted out.

You quickly got up and tried to snatch the glass cup away from him, but he held it away from you.

"Oh? Why not my dear?" He peered down at you .

Shame took over you as you slumped back in your chair, tears forming in your eyes. How were you to explain to him that you just tried to kill him?

Hongjoong leaned down, his arms resting on the table as his eyes pierced into yours.

"I asked a question and I expect you to answer me."

He gripped your chin and forced you to look at him when you kept your gaze down.

"And when I'm talking to you, I want you to look at me....."

Chuckling darkly, he added:

"Don't make me take you to my room for a little more training."

❧𝙿𝚊𝚛𝚔 𝚂𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚠𝚊

You were so damn tired of it all. You were exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically from Seonghwa's manipulation and abuse that stemmed from his possessive and controlling behavior. At any point you were going to snap and either kill him or yourself.

You chose the first option. You thought you were pretty discreet in obtaining and hiding the poison vial. You only succeeded in the first one.

"Y/N what do you have there?"

Seonghwa's voice startled you. You rapidly tried to hide the vial in your hoodie, but being stronger than you, Seonghwa wrestled it out of your hands. When he realized what you were planning to do, his head snapped at you, cold menacing eyes staring at you. You were fucked.

"You ungrateful little bitch!"

You fell to floor, barely avoiding the glass hitting you when Seonghwa threw it to the wall next to you. You cried out in pain when he pulled you up by your hair, shaking you roughly as he began exclaiming:

"You're lucky I even chose to look at your pathetic and low life self. Without me, you'd be nothing! And this is how you fucking repay me?!"

He shoved you against the wall, where you then collapsed from how badly your right side was aching from the pain of colliding with the concrete material.

"You have 10 minutes to clean up this mess." He ordered before leaving the room.

You looked down at the broken shards of glass. Picking one up, you held it close to your wrist..

Maybe you should have picked the 2nd option...

❧𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚞𝚗𝚑𝚘

Yunho couldn't understand why you would try to do this. He loved and worshipped you, and he thought that things are going fine for a while. And then he found the poison hidden in your things. He was completely heartbroken, but he couldn't let you know that. Instead, he had to think of a plan. Even if it was drastic.

He let you be all lovey dovey towards him the night you planned everything, feigning he didn't know. He willingly accepted the drink you gave him, knowing fully well it had poison. He saw you looking at him intently and he sent a chill down your spine when he said:

"Don't be so surprised. It'll take longer to have an effect on me......than on you."

He turned his head and looked at your shocked expression.

"Yes Y/N. I put some poison on your drink as well. I knew it all along."

You went pale as his words sinked in. You quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. You began hitting your hitting stomach on the edge of the sink, sticking 2 fingers in your mouth, anything to trigger your gag reflex and hopefully puke out the poison. You began hyperventilating when nothing was working and you realized you might die.

You were about to collapse on the floor but Yunho caught you and whispered:

"You got two choices right now Y/N: we either call an ambulance while there's still time.....

Or we die together. Either way you're not leaving me and I'm not letting you get away."

❧𝙺𝚊𝚗𝚐 𝚈𝚎𝚘𝚜𝚊𝚗𝚐

Yeosang swirled the contents of his drink, eyeing it suspiciously. You could never fool him. He knew the poison better than you did. It was the exact same poison he used to kill off your last lover. Raising an eyebrow he looked at you before saying:

"Baby why don't you take a sip of my drink?"

You dropped your fork and you looked at him with wide eyes. Yeosang smirked when he realized it was indeed you.

"Uh....no thanks." You replied, hoping he wouldn't insist.

"But I'm telling you to."

He got up and slid the drink in front of you.

"So drink it."

Your shaking hand took the glass, spilling some of the liquid from the trembling you had. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

"I can't..... I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing?" Yeosang interrogated you, his voice cool and collected.

You broke down and confessed to everything, how you tried to poison him, even though Yeosang already had it figured out. He made you stand up and held you close as you cried your eyes out. Once he felt you calm down a little, he cupped your cheeks and wiped your tears before landing a harsh slap across your cheek, stunning you, but you should have expected it.

Yeosang was even scarier when he was calm, because you never knew what he was going to do.

"Don't ever try that again." Was his only warning before he patted the bright red spot on your face.

It was definitely going to leave a bruise.

❧𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝚂𝚊𝚗

You tried and tried to pull out of your restraints, even though you knew you had zero chances of breaking free. San always made sure your bonds were tight and secure.

"Look."

You heard him say but you didn't want to look. You gasped when he clenched your jaw with his hand and forced you to look up.

"I said look!" He growled as he held your face up.

You sobbed even harder when you looked into your friend's terrified eyes. You wished it were you instead, you deserved it, not them. You were the one stupid enough to try and poison San. So why must your lifelong friend suffer the consequences?

"I say give it a few more seconds before the poison starts taking effect. I'm actually curious, what exactly were you planning to happen to me?"

It all started and ended so quickly. The image of your friend's body convulsing on the floor, their blood shot red eyes, their gagged breathing followed by the foaming of the mouth....... until their lifeless body layed on the floor, a trickle of blood pouring out from their mouth.

San cringed, as if he were staring at nothing more than a bug.

"What an awful way to die."

Turning his attention back to you, he added:

"Maybe that'll teach you to not get any ideas in your stupid little head."

❧𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒

You woke up and made your way into the kitchen, fixing yourself some breakfast. It was awfully quiet. You shrugged and put your plate on the table. Looking at the time, you noticed it was an odd hour for your parents not to be up.

"I'm supposed to be the one sleeping in." You joked more to yourself.

You opened the door and went to your parents bed, trying to wake up your mom. Lifting the covers up, you let out a piercing scream when your mom's pale and lifeless face stared back at you, your father in the same condition. Scrambling to get up, you ran to the telephone to call 911, but the line was dead.

"Oh my god!" You cried out as you went back to your room to get your phone.

You opened the door and froze when an all too familiar face greeted you.

"Hi baby cakes." Mingi's deep voice said.

"You?! What are you--- it can't be! You're supposed to be dead!" You exclaimed.

1 year ago, you managed to escape your psychotic boyfriend's clutches, by poisoning him. So why was he here? It had to be a nightmare and you wanted to wake up.

"Supposed to, but I'm not. As you can see, I survived."

When he came near you, you ran away, but Mingi being faster caught up to you really quick. You struggled to get out of his grasp, but he managed to press a cloth on your nose and mouth. In less than 2 minutes, you succumbed to the effects of the gas and fell unconscious on him.

"How cute darling. I missed having you in my arms." He smirked as he picked you up to take you away with him.

❧𝙹𝚞𝚗𝚐 𝚆𝚘𝚘𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐

Wooyoung sighed as he stepped over your writhing body. Calmly, he dialed a number.

"911, what's your emergency?" The woman asked.

"I need help! My s/o tried to poison themselves!" He cried out, making himself spill out tears in mere seconds, completely fooling the operator.

Once he hung up though, the tears were gone and his usual cold expression was plastered on again. You tried to gasp for air, your eyesight going black, the last thing you saw was Wooyoung's deadly gaze.

He was also the first thing you saw when you woke up in a hospital bed. Wooyoung played the part of a doting and concerned boyfriend really well, all the medical staff never doubting the veracity of his statements. You on the other hand knew it was all a lie. And he showed his true colors to you while you were alone.

"Tsk tsk. Seriously Y/N, if you're going to try and do something as stupid as trying to poison me, do a better job."

He scoffed at you. It wasn't your fault though. How were you supposed to know he switched glasses with you when you turned away for a second?

He walked up to you and loomed over your fragile figure.

"Don't you dare say anything to anyone, got it? And when we get back home, there'll be hell to pay for your little stunt."

As if going through a near death experience wasn't bad enough, now you were wishing Wooyoung had just let you die instead of just scaring the life out of you....almost.

❧𝙲𝚑𝚘𝚒 𝙹𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚑𝚘

Jongho was furious, livid with you. He couldn't believe what you were planning to do. Not wasting a minute, he stormed into the living room where you currently were. He flung the poison vial on the couch, where you recognized it and knew you were now screwed.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourself?" He asked, arms crossed over his chest.

You couldn't speak, you couldn't even look at him. You were afraid of him.

"You're seriously trying to get rid of me? When all I've ever done is protect you? Take care of you? When all I've ever done is love you?!"

You flinched when he flipped the coffee table with one hand, sending it flying feet away, breaking once it crashed on the floor.

Jongho grabbed you by your arms and started shaking you.

"Get it straight through your head Y/N: no one will care, love or protect you like me! No one but I gives a damn about you! No one is even looking for you! So why are you trying to get rid of me?"

You let out a yelp of pain when he clutched you too harshly, making him stop immediately. Like flipping a switch, he hugged you and caressed your hair.

"You can't go out there in the world again. You just can't. They'll hurt you and I can't have that.....you need me... I'm your protector and you must stay with me..."

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[marvelslut16]

Almost lost him

Pairing: James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes x Stark!reader 

Synopsis: Tony’s little sister had always had feelings for one James R. Rhodes. She’s kept it a secret for years, but will everything come out after he is injured during the fight against Cap?

word count: 2.4k+

Warnings: Brief cannon violence. Angst. Mentions paralysis. Swearing. Age gap. Also I have a specific age for the character mentioned. 

A/N: This has been sitting in my WIP’s for over a year because I loved it so much and I didn’t want to end it poorly lmao. I know no ones gonna read it since he isn’t a popular character, but oh well. I love this fic and I love Rhodey so that’s all that matters. 

Tony and (Y/N) Stark have saved the world from terrorists once again.

“Can you believe this title?” you laugh showing Rhodey the article on your phone. 

“I was there too,” he says gruffly. 

“You just aren’t special enough,” you tease, sticking your tongue out like you’re five and not thirty-six. 

“Not everyone’s lucky enough to be a Stark,” Tony, your annoying but lovable older brother, enters the compound’s kitchen.

Tony took you under his wing and raised you since your parents died. It was a lot for a twenty-one year old to handle, no one he knew had to take care of an eleven year old. Especially one with newly discovered powers. They weren’t much, but when emotions would get overwhelming you would have white colored beams come from your hands. This later helped Tony come up with the idea for the repulsors on his Iron Man suit, which you helped him build.

As the years passed, you got a better hold on your new found powers. The more you and Tony dug into your parents past, you started to think that your dad had either given you something when you were a baby or your mom was given something while pregnant to make you like this. Your Dad always called you special, but you never thought you were this special.

“Any progress with Steve?” you ask hopefully. You know how much Tony values his friendship with Cap, he just won’t admit it. Especially because he’s hurt. 

“No,” he grunts, but tries to brush it off like he doesn’t care. You and Rhodey give each other unamused looks, clearly not believing the bullshit Tony is trying to feed you.

“I think you should try to reach out to him again, you clearly miss him Tony,” you frown at the dark haired man in front of you.

“I agree with (Y/N/N),” Rhodey speaks up from behind you. He’s closer than you remember, and you shiver as you feel the little licks of his breath on your neck as he speaks. 

“You love birds can shut up now,” Tony rolls his eyes, he leaves the kitchen without anything. 

Heat immediately rushes to your face and you can’t look Rhodey in the eye as you stutter out an apology for Tony’s actions. You quickly leave the kitchen before he can respond, wanting to put distance between your blushing self and the man you had been in love with for years. 

-- 

You had hoped that the conversation in the kitchen would have convinced Tony to reach out and make amends with Steve and half of the Avengers. But things only continued to escalate, where it seemed a battle between friends was unavoidable. So that's how you ended up in Germany, with your newest recruit Spider-Man, facing off against the people you cared most about in this world.

“Rhodey!” you scream as you watch him plummet to the Earth. Time seems to slow to a near standstill and all you can do is watch, too far away from him to be able to help somehow. Your knees buckle and you hit the ground at the same time his body does. There's a scream that’s so loud it rattles the windows of the airport hanger, a scream you weren’t even aware left your own lips. 

Vision tries to approach you, but you let out a sound that's between a sob and a scream as he gets closer. You’re angry, and scared, you can feel a rush of something in your veins. You ball your hands in fists, bringing them to your chest as you curl into yourself. 

The sound of metal crunching together pulls you from your rocking back and forth on your knees. You see a white glow, one that you're extremely familiar with, dissipating from around two shipping containers, now crushed together where vision was hovering. If he had stayed solid, he would have been crushed. You’re shaking even more as you stare down at your hands, you had never been able to move objects before. You could have hurt somebody. You can’t dwell on it too long because Peter runs to your side, telling you that Rhodey had a heartbeat and help was on the way. 

It had felt like hours since Tony, Peter, and you had landed back down in the states. Dr. Cho was working with a spine specialist and a neurosurgeon to figure out the extent of the damage. After a while, they had updated you three, telling you that Rhodey broke his spine and they were taking him into surgery. Tony had left to go fiddle with one of his suits, his coping mechanism. He left the kid with you because he didn’t want you alone. 

“How did you two meet?” Peter breaks the silence.

“Hmm?” you look away from the painting in front of you for the first time since you sat in the waiting room chair, to look at the boy. 

“Mr. Rhodes, how did you two meet?” he clarifies. 

“That’s a long story,” your eyes glaze over as memories start to come flooding back.

“I have time,” Peter gives you a small smile, you can really see what Tony see’s in the kid. The kindness that his Aunt May has taught him is abundantly clear, you know he’s only asking for your benefit.

“He met Tony when they went to MIT together, he somehow found a way to put up with my brother's antics. I didn’t meet him until two years after Tony graduated, so I was eleven,” you let out a little laugh as you realize just how long the older man has been in your life, and in your heart. “He came to my parents funeral for support for Tony, but he became my support system. Everyone seemed to ignore me and go straight for the golden boy, but Tony became too overwhelmed quickly. He introduced me to Rhodey who was the first one, besides Tony of course, to ask me how I was. He ended up spending the entire wake and funeral with me, giving me support and effectively distracting me from my pain.”

You look over at the younger boy, who seems to be staring at you with fascination. He sees the pain on your face when you stop talking, reaching over he grabs your hand loosely. Testing the waters to see if you’ll pull away from affection like Tony has with him. You give him a thankful smile and hold his hand before continuing your story.

“He joined the military not long after that. At first I would send him care packages and letters so he didn’t feel alone when he was deployed. One day when I was writing a letter one of Tony’s flings came into the kitchen and called me a pathetic child because I was crushing on Tony’s friend after I explained what I was doing. He never got that letter, or any after that. We didn’t really talk much after that, if he came to visit Tony I’d be pleasant before locking myself in my room. I guess I was embarrassed over my school girl crush. Years passed, lots of years, before Tony went missing, James was the one that told me what happened. And in those following months he would rarely leave my side, he wanted to make sure I was okay. We were finally both adults, and we gained a real friendship.” 

“That sounds like more than a friendship,” Peter sends you an innocent look. You furrow your eyebrows at him in response, Rhodey definitely doesn’t like you back. “I’m just saying, if Liz was like that with me I would be ecstatic that she liked me back.”

“He sees me as a little sister, Peter,” your heart breaking a little more knowing that you’ll never be able to be with the man you’ve loved for years. Before Peter can refute you, Rhodey’s Neurosurgeon walks into the waiting room- some guy named Dr. Strange. 

“How is he?” you jump out of your seat, Peter quickly following suit, his hand falling from yours at the movement. 

“He’s out of surgery Miss. Stark,” his voice coming out as cocky and full of himself, like he’s overly proud that he did this surgery. “But the recovery will be the difficult part.”

“What happened? What’s still wrong? And when can I see him?” you’re shooting out questions faster than the surgeon can answer.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that with you Miss. Stark, and you can’t see him until he’s out of the ICU,” the smug look is still on the surgeon's face, making you grow angrier with each word that leaves his mouth. 

“Excuse me?” Peter looks between you and the surgeon with wide curious eyes. 

“You aren’t family,” he states matter-of-factly. “Therefore I can’t tell you and you can’t see him.”

Your eye twitches in anger as your body starts to warm, your powers start to react to the strong emotion. You take a deep calming breath, keeping you from accidentally lashing out at the surgeon. 

“I suggest you rethink that answer,” you say deathly calm, Peter stares at you in awe as you talk back to the man. “And consider who paid for all of the new state-of-the-art Stark technology and equipment you have in this hospital. Things I’m sure that you used in that surgery, that I donated to this hospital through the outreach program that I created. Technology created by both me and my brother.”

“Is there a problem here?” a man’s voice comes from behind you, he sounds irritated that someone’s making a scene. You turn around to face the man, who is wearing a badge that says medical director on it. Perfect. His eyes widen as soon as he recognizes who you are. 

“Actually there is,” you frown. “My colleague, my friend. My favorite person after my brother really, he just had a pretty big surgery, but your surgeon here won’t tell me any details or let me go see him. So yes, we have a huge problem.”

“I’m so sorry Miss. Stark,” he exclaims. “Why don’t we go update you in private.” 

“Did I sound like a bitch?” you frown, whispering to Peter as the two of you follow the MD and the surgeon. He nods a little with a smirk adorning his face. 

“But it was awesome!” you grin at the young boy, remembering the excitement you felt when you saw Tony use his name to get what he wanted for the first time. 

“He’s paralyzed,” the surgeon throws the statement around like it isn’t a big deal as soon as the four of you enter a separate room. “From the waist down. There was nothing we could do.”

Your heart and your lungs seem to stop working at the same time. Peter discreetly uses his super strength to catch you as your legs give out at the surgeon's words. Tears start to pour down your face as you realize all of the things Rhodey will never be able to again. Like never being able to help defend his country again, or chase after you when you steal the last cookie that he wanted. 

You can’t help but feel guilty. If he had never met you and Tony he would be fine. He would still be able to do what he loves. He never would have been put in that situation. He’ll never be able to walk again. He won’t have the opportunity to dance at his wedding or chase his children around if he decided to have either of those. 

“I know it’s a lot Miss. Stark,” the MD’s voice is muffled. “But there was nothing we could have done-”

“When can I see him?” you cut the doctor off. 

“I could take you to him now,” he glares at the surgeon. “He won’t wake for at least a few more hours.”

“Peter, go call Tony and tell him the update,” you look at the young boy, he gives your hand a reassuring squeeze before heading back to the waiting room. 

The surgeon and the MD both ramble on about Rhodey’s condition but their voices sound muffled- like you’re underwater. You feel like you're suffocating in all the pain and grief you feel for the love of your life. He’s lying on the bed, oxygen tubing up his nose, at least ten wires connected to him, and the disgusting beep of his heart monitor reminds you how lucky you are that he’s still here with you. 

The two men quickly leave you with Rhodey, but not before the MD promises that he’ll be under constant supervision and he’ll receive the best treatments they offer. Not that you're shocked to hear that with the scene you cause in the waiting room. You grab Rhodey’s hand, careful to avoid yanking the IV in it, pulling his hand up to your mouth to give it a feather light kiss. Tears slip down your cheeks as you stare at his still body, you were so close to losing him today. 

The tears have stopped by the time Tony shows up close to an hour later, he had dropped Peter off at home before coming up to the hospital room. Your older brother looks as distressed as you feel, although he seems to be tryin to hide it more than you are. 

“How is he?” his voice is quieter than you imagined, like he’s afraid any louder will make you crumble. 

“Stable,” your voice is monotonous, and you refuse to tear your eye’s from Rhodey’s face as you respond to Tony. “About as good as he could be I guess.”

“How are you?” he cuts you off as you go to respond that you're fine. “And don’t bullshit me (Y/N/N), you’ve been in love with him since you were eleven. How are you feeling?”

You don’t respond, not with words at least. Instead you do crumble, letting out a quiet sob as you grip Tony’s hand that he was about to place on your shoulder. Tony runs his free hand through your hair and down your back, trying to soothe you like he used to when you would have nightmares after your parents deaths. 

“We almost lost him today Tony, I almost lost him-” another sob racks through your body. “And now he’s paralyzed. He can never walk again, can never defend his Country again. And for what? A disagreement between you and Steve? We could have lost him Tony for something so fucking stupid.”

Before Tony can respond, a muffled voice breaks through the tension in the room. The voice is gravely, but one you love so dearly, it’s Rhodey’s. “(Y/N)?”

Permeant tags: @crimson-knuckled-queen​ @rexorangecouny @mrs-malfoy-always​

[prbni]

Dramione Headcanons/Prompts

(Note:Might update the post and tags according to the requirement)

A 15 y/o Scorpius Malfoy accidentally stumbles upon a pensive of his father, that contains the memories of a certain witch he had feelings for before he met Scorp's mother. Seeing the loneliness and despair that has fallen upon his father after the death of his mother Astoria, Scorpius decides to use the prohibited Time-Turner to change the courses of the past.

But this meant two things: he'd never be able to experience the love and warmth of his mother and....he probably would cease to exist.

"This is madness Scorp!" Albus shouted angrily. " Uncle Ron and Auntie Mione are happily married. They have loved each other for ages. And this also means,Rose wouldn't exist as well. Do you really intend to do this over the one-sided crush that your father had on Auntie Mione once upon a time?!"

Basically, Albus trying to convince him in all possible ways that this is a bad idea.

Cue to Ron and Hermione arguing at the backyard of Harry-Ginny's house. They even forgot to cast Silencing Charm. Hence,everyone including the kids heard their argument.

"Oh,stop behaving like you're the only one who has been compromising in this marriage!!! Did I tell you to give up your position in the Ministry of Magic? No!" Ron yelled. " Why are you even bringing this up?! I never said it was your fault or anything!"Hermione tried to reason. "BECAUSE I'M TIRED. TIRED OF EVERYONE PRETENDING LIKE YOU HAVE DONE ME A FAVOR BY MARRYING ME WHEN IT IS THE OPPOSITE!!!" "Wh-what do you mean?"Hermione asked meekly. Ron scoffed. "Your parents are gone,Hermione. If we didn't take you into the Burrow, you wouldn't have anywhere to go. You needed us. You needed me." Hermione looked like she was trying to process the words that Ron just said. Or maybe, she was just trying to convince herself that Ron is capable of saying something like this. It's just Ron being in a foul mood. He definitely doesn't mean it."Ron let's talk about this tomorrow, okay?" Hermione tried to calm herself down. "Harry and Ginny are probably waiting for us in the dining table."

"Why? Can't face the truth?" Ron sneered. "If you were sensible enough Ronald, we'd be having this conversation at our own home,with a Silencing Charm on and without children listening to this," Hermione retorted while hinting towards Albus and Scorpius behind them,who were looking warily back and forth between the older duo. It took a while before Ron realised what she meant and grudgingly complied to go inside the house.

Scorpius gave Albus a if-this-is-what-you-mean-by-them-being-a-happy-couple look.

"Well,older couples fight. My parents fight as well. Uncle Ron is a bit aggressive,you know. But they have been like this for years.Also we don't know what actually happened between them.See,Aunty Mione didn't even fight him back," defended Albus."She didn't fight back because she knew we were listening,Al. And I don't know but this sounded more like defamation than argument." Albus sighed loudly,aware that there's no point in arguing. "So, you're still keen on getting Mr.Malfoy and Auntie Granger together in the past?" he asked instead.

"I think now I'm even more keen on getting them together,"Scorpius replied with a slight grin.

Yule Ball AU: Draco is awed when Hermione descends downstairs.

His expressions form into a scowl when he witnesses Ron and Hermione's encounter,and it pisses him off to no end when he sees her crying.

"Pathetic shite really. Ruined the whole festive mood" he mutters to himself. Even all the purring and cooing of Pansy Parkinson beside him couldn't fix his mood."Well that's what she gets for gushing over Weaselby of all possible blokes. Even Longbottom or Potter would know better than making her cry at the Ball. Seems like Weasley lacks in everything,even courting manners. But well,what do I care?"

"Enough to disturb others' sleep through your late night self-indulgent altercations" a voice drawled in beside his bed.

"Seriously,mate. Try to sleep or let others sleep. This was a long,tiring day and we have a tournament ahead,"Theo grumbled from under the covers while Draco shot a glare at this direction.

Another Time Travel fic. This time it's Hermione and Draco going back to time for their own purposes but getting entangled in the middle as they decide to help each other out before returning to the original timeline.

"Be wise before you hold my hand,Granger" Draco said. "I'm not just offering you for a dance. I'm offering you for a lifetime with me. Once you accept this, you're never returning to Weasley."

If Hermione didn't know better what Draco looks like and sounds like when he's joking,she'd almost think this was just one of his attempts at flirting. But one look at his eyes and the intonation of his words sent her shivers.

"That's not how time traveling works,Malfoy. We aren't supposed to end up together. That's not why we're here,"she explained.

"It's okay,Granger. You can just tell me you don't want this,"he chuckled bitterly. "For if you did, you wouldn't care what happens and what's supposed to happen. You'd just join me without excuses."

"I'm not making excuses,Draco. I'm a mother as well. If I mess here in this timeline, they'd be gone there in the future,"seethed Hermione.

One of the common tropes here: Compulsory Marriage under Marriage Law post-war. Here, Hermione is literally fighting with the Ministry to prevent her marriage with Draco. While Draco reluctantly agreed to the marriage since this was the only way to save himself from landing into Azkaban, Hermione had a huge outburst.

"Minister,are you seriously telling me I have to marry this git?" Hermione scoffed in disbelief. "Now now Granger. That's not the way to refer to your future husband," Draco drawled in. She almost forgot Kingsley called both of them to talk about their compatibility in terms of marriage. "Quite rich coming from someone that called me filthy mudblood the entire time he'd known me".That seemed to shut Draco up. The Minister in the question coughed a bit to grab their attention. "Hermione, I'm sorry,okay? I tried talking with the other ministers about this. But nobody including myself seem to come up with a solution better than this." "Granger, don't act like this is a punishment only for you. If choices or circumstances were any better, I'd rather do a dirty dance with goblins of the Gringotts than showing up here and talk about the prospect of marriage....or whatever this is," Draco said in an annoyed tone."Serves you right for all the horrid things you were part of," Hermione replied to him and then turned to Shacklebolt, " I understand why and how this is a punishment to him. But this is a punishment to me as well. And what am I being punished for?"she almost cried out. Draco visibly flinched a bit. "Ever since I stepped into the Wizarding World, almost everyone has taken a knack of making a point to me that I'll never be good enough to belong here. So, I studied.I learnt as much as possible,more than anyone else and tried to dedicate myself to whatever it takes to make a perfect witch. Then, Voldemort returned. Second Wizarding War came along. Everyone talks about what or who has been lost who has made sacrifices but does anyone know I had to take it to myself to wipe out my parents' memories of me and drive them away because the Wizarding World cannot provide them with protection?!"Her eyes were glistened and voice became hoarse. "Hermione,you have to know I'm sorry and thankful-" "No,Minister. I'm not holding anyone accountable for what became of my parents. That's completely my own doing.What I'm trying to understand is after everything I've seen and been through, why am I to be hitched against my own volition to this rotten scum of a Deatheater?!" "Ex.Death. Eater,"Draco said in a dangerously low voice. "You have all the reasons to hate me,Granger. But don't carelessly throw around words like you know me. Despite all the hatred and animosity over the years, I tried to warn you during the Triwizard tournament. I didn't want you to end up at the Manor and I definitely didn't want this!"he shrieked pointing at her forearm where that eight-lettered word was curved in forever. "I didn't want this either," he said in a softer tone,pointing at his own forearm and own scar this time. "So,you see. I'm not the good guy that you'd want as your husband. But I'm not as evil as you expect me to be either." Draco's eyes held nothing but honesty and sincerity which took Hermione aback. "Have you said your piece?" she asked with a renewed vigor to which Draco nodded.

"I'd submit my wand and all magical articles to your office tomorrow,Minister. And return to the Muggle world for good. I shall take your leave now." With that she stomped out of the room without even sparing the other two wizards a glance or letting them speak.

Draco's boggart wasn't his father's disappointment in him. Heck it wasn't even the Dark Lord himself. His boggart was a certain Muggleborn witch crying and writhing in pain on the stone cold floor of the Manor,her screams ringing through the Manor walls tortured by his own aunt while he stands there like a coward, doing nothing,not even looking at her.

After being able to successfully able to restore her parents' memories using the Memory Charm,ever-so-curious Hermione Granger tries it on herself. What she didn't expect was an overwhelming rush of memories consisting of a certain very familiar blonde with very unfamiliar moments between them. Shock,surprise,sadness and anger crashed down on her altogether. Did anyone else know? Had he obliviated himself as well?

She knew accepting a dare from Weasley Twins meant trouble. Yet,when they called her a scaredy cat for trying to back down from the bet,she lunged into it. Even if that meant she had to stalk Draco Malfoy the annoying ferret for a week while disillusioning herself. What she didn't realise was that the thing that started as a dare would become habit while being thrust into a totally different perspective of what the-boy-who-made-her-school-life-hell really was.

She was tired of being called ‘boring’ and ‘no fun’. The one time she decided to pull on a prank was on someone no one would expect. Draco Malfoy. So,when an accident happens while concucting the Love Potion and the cauldron explodes,Hermione falls in love with her forever nemesis. Or should I say, pretends to fall in love with him.Draco Malfoy was already having a hard time accomplishing the task he was assigned with. A bushy headed witch being all sappy and clingy was the last thing he needed at the moment.

[nbrook29]

So a few weeks ago, @foxsake5 sent me one of those dialogue prompts, and at the time I wasn’t taking them anymore but since she’s the sweetest I just couldn’t say no 😌💖

I’m sorry for the wait, I hope this isn’t awful :)

Therefore, ladies and gentlemen:

159. [text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall.

***

The hopes he had late last night of waking up with all his symptoms miraculously gone vanish seconds after he wakes up and gets aware of his surroundings. 

His head still feels like it’s full of cotton, eyes sting and itch at the same time, and his nose being all stuffy is the proverbial cherry on top of his misery. Before he can fully grasp this truly pathetic situation he’s in, he feels the beginnings of a sneezing fit brewing in his nostrils and sure enough, a moment later all hell breaks loose.

When he finally finishes, his chest aches with the effort and he drops his head back onto the pillow, whining at the unfairness of it all. 

Every year, it’s the same story. Spring comes, trees and flowers release tiny grains to fertilize other plants and Robbe is doomed. He’s so fucking doomed. April barely arrives and he turns into a sneezing, itching, coughing, swollen mess. It’s not pretty. Far from it actually. 

He curses himself for being stupid and believing he was cured after last year’s very mild case. Thinking about it now, it was probably due to being forced to stay in the house for the entire month more than anything. All his hopes of battling this fucking thing forever are now officially gone. His disappointment is immeasurable, his day is ruined.

And, Sander’s not here.

Why is he not here.

Why isn’t he lovingly stroking his brow to ease his sinuses pressure like he did last night.

He’s gonna have to have a serious conversation with his boyfriend because this is just unacceptable behavior.

Tugging the duvet tighter around himself to prevent the chilliness of the room from touching on his toasty warm body, he reaches for his phone. When Sander’s beautiful face welcomes him from his screen background, he yearns for his comforting presence even more. Yes, he’s being a tad dramatic, but sick Robbe has always been a drama queen, needing care and attention. Mama Ijzermans always laughs at him, saying he turns into a five year old when down with a runny nose. There may be a bit of truth to that statement, Robbe is a man enough to admit that. He just really hates having to blow his nose every ten seconds and all that, okay? Sue him.

Just as he’s about to start typing, his eye catches something flickering in the sunlight on Sander’s pillow. Frowning, he shifts closer to inspect it and discovers sprinkles of glitter covering the bottom half, and it’s honestly barely detectable, but for Robbe’s skilled eye it’s no hardship. 

Weird. Unless he somehow missed the fact that Sander turns into a sparkly unicorn every night at midnight in the last year and a half, there’s no reasonable explanation for glitter being in his bed.

He decides to leave it be for the time being and goes back to the job at hand.

R: Where are u and why aren’t u here 

S: Hello to you too, love of my life, light of my day 

R: ☹️

S: I had to run home cause I forgot I promised my mum I'll be there when the couch delivery comes

R: That's a very elaborate excuse for you abandonning me

I won’t hold it against you if you decided to leave me after being faced with my gross snotty self :(

S: You’re not gross

R: I don’t believe you

S: Okay you’re a tiny bit gross rn but I'm not afraid of your snot 💪🏻

I'll be back in 40 minutes x

R: I'll try to survive til then 🥺

I miss you 🥺

I need your cuddles 🥺

I miss your fingers in my hair, my head hurts less then 🤧

S: You're so sweet when you're all sniffly 😂

R: That's cause I need you to get your butt here faster

S: I'll try my best

R: Okay :(

Hey sander?

S: Yeah?

R: My bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall

S: 😶

R: Why is there glitter in my bed

S: Idk

R: I hate glitter

S: Maybe it's the allergies making you see things

R: 😠 what did u do why is there glitter in my bed????

S: Gotta go the delivery guy is here love youuu 

R: SANDER!!!

***

When he wakes up next time his head is still stuffed, but the feeling of warmth coming off Sander’s body and his hand playing with his hair makes it that much bearable. Scooching closer, he wraps his arm around his waist and buries his face into his black t-shirt, hoping the graphical form of Freddie Mercury in the front of it won’t mind much if he messes it with his runny nose by accident.

“I bought croissants on my way over, and there’s hot lemon tea waiting for you in the kitchen. Do you feel like getting up?” Sander asks in a gentle tone, hand stilling where it felt so good on Robbe’s scalp.

And no, he doesn’t really feel like it. So he decides to use the power of his eyes on Sander and rests his chin on his chest, giving him a pleading look that he knows his boyfriend is far from being immune to. 

“Bring it here?”

Sander regards him for a second like he’s searching for a strength inside him to say no to him, but very quickly he gives up, head shaking at himself as his fingers resume the ministrations in Robbe’s hair.

He lets out a deep sigh. “I’m such a pushover, aren’t I?” And Robbe knows he won because there’s a smile tugging at Sander’s lips and a moment later, he disentangles himself from Robbe’s grabby arms, heading to the kitchen for their breakfast.

They eat in bed, sitting side by side, shoulders brushing as they keep reaching for the goodies on the tray balanced on Sander’s thighs. Robbe has his feet tucked under his calves, his extra clinginess during sick time coming out in all force, but Sander doesn’t comment on it, just smiles and kisses his temple, looking like he doesn’t mind to be his personal teddy bear for the time being. He lets Robbe lie half on top of him when they watch silly youtube videos and draws mindless patterns on his back as his arm is probably asleep from being stuck in the same position. His fingers make goosebumps rise all over Robbe’s body and he must be thinking the shiver is the result of cold because he then meticulously tucks the comforter around him, making sure Robbe is burrito-like and safe from cold.

It’s the first time Robbe has been somewhat under the weather since they got together and he melts at every caress and gentle touch that Sander provides without even thinking about it and just in general being this five star on booking.com thoughtful boyfriend.

So yeah, Sander is passing this when-in-sickness exam with flying colors, Robbe thinks, as he leaves a few kisses on what looks like Freddie Mercury’s hair, reveling in Sander’s content sigh.

It’s an all around peaceful afternoon, except when the peace is occasionally broken with sneezing, blowing (only nose, damn it) and groaning in displeasure. Sander is taking it all like a champ, teasing him only a little and handing tissue after tissue, his face twisting at the grossness of Robbe’s state only a few times. Mostly, he just squeezes him tighter, scratches his back in that way he likes, kisses the pout out of his face despite the gross factor and makes him a fresh tea. 

He even cooks him a soup when Robbe naps out of things he finds in Robbe’s mom fridge, leaving Robbe himself gaping at him in astonishment, more so when the soup actually turns out good, because he had no idea Sander could cook something more than croques. 

The confession earns him a light jab in the ribs, light because Sander is still considerate of his state, but jab indeed because he will not stand for Robbe disbelief in his cooking skills, hell no. Robbe then keeps moaning in pleasure at the taste of every single spoon of the tomato soup to show his gratitude (and because it’s really good) and Sander rolls his eyes at him, but there’s a pleased smile on his face that lets Robbe know his ruffled feathers have been smoothed.

When they get back to just simply lounging around in bed with Robbe breathing (wheezing) loudly as he plays with Sander’s fingers, he remembers something.

Propping his head with his hand, he narrows his eyes at Sander. “So what about that glitter?”

The guilty look that immediately blooms on Sander’s face leaves him with no doubt that it was his fault. He thumps his chest in frustration.

“I’m sorry! I just, I was kinda bored after you fell asleep so fast last night, and, um, I bought some new paints yesterday,” he explains, wincing at Robbe’s growing frown. He scratches his head before he continues as if to delay the fallout. “And I wanted to try them out a bit and some of them might have contained, um, glitter in them?” he ends in a squeaky voice, waiting for Robbe to blow up, because he’s well aware of his burning hate for glitter. 

It’s like herpes. Once it’s on you, it never goes away.

“I can change the sheets later?” Sander adds wide-eyed, buttering him up as he leans in to kiss him once, twice, three times, until the scoff on Robbe’s lips melts completely. 

He could get mad, but Sander has been so sweet today and he’s looking so apologetic now, like he’s actually afraid Robbe may throw him out the door for this unfortunate incident of bringing that abomination into his house. The idea is so ridiculous it makes him giggle, and at first, Sander’s confused, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when Robbe doesn’t stop, he scoffs at him and pouts.

“Ugh, you made me believe you’re gonna yell at me and put a ban on sex for a month or something, jerk.” 

He folds his arms all petulant as Robbe keeps rolling in bed, laughing, but then the sneezing fit abruptly stops Robbe’s fun and he sits up straight, letting out one sneeze after another, losing count after the eighth one. He thinks he got to twenty in the end, his new record, and when it’s finally over he feels so miserable and achy he doesn’t feel like laughing anymore. His eyes are so watery it feels like they’re gonna spill out any second now, nose rubbed so red it’s painful to even breathe and cheeks burning hot from the congestion.

Sander keeps handing him tissues, holding the waste bin in his other hand, and Robbe must look really awful because all signs of sulking are gone from his now sympathetic face as he gathers him into his arms, whispering sweet nothings into his hair as Robbe hides his face in the crook of his neck to keep his frustration tears at bay.

Sander is graceful enough to not say anything when a few escape anyway.

“Maybe you should see a doctor, huh?” he suggests after a while, hand stroking Robbe’s arm. “Maybe he will give you something?”

Robbe shakes his head, his voice raspy when he replies. “It’s no use, the doctor is gonna give me stuff that’s gonna make me drowsy. I just need to get over those first few days, it always gets better afterwards.”

He gets a lingering peck to his forehead. “Okay.” 

“Thanks for being so amazing.” Robbe looks at him with sincerity from under his droopy lids, thumb sweeping under his eye in caressing motion. Sander just smiles, shaking his head a little as if Robbe’s gratitude is silly.

“You’re always there for me when the situation is reversed, right?”

And they both know he’s not talking about allergies, of course he’s not. No more words are necessary as Robbe considers him for a few seconds, love shining in his bloodshot eyes before he shifts closer to place a kiss on his chin and then snuggles to him as close as humanly possible, his heart full when Sander does the same.

Robbe’s eyes sting too much for them to keep watching anything on their phones, but they’re also too lazy to get up and actually do something and they’re not yet hungry enough to think about preparing dinner. So to kill time, Sander quizzes him about Bowie and his lyrics, the year and a half of them being a couple pretty much skyrocketing Robbe’s knowledge about this man, so he knows the answers to 3/4 of the questions, Sander's eyes gleaming with pride as he pretends to wipe the imaginary tear making Robbe giggle and forget about his state for a while.

Eventually, Sander’s calming and sweet like honey voice lulls him to sleep, and the last thing he registers as he’s losing the fight to keep his eyes open is Sander chuckling as he promises him quietly to paint him in all of the intense colors of those glittery paints he owns soon and there’s nothing he can do to stop him.

[taylorsage22]

Thigh Riding (Cisco Ramon x reader

“You’re such a fucking slut,” Cisco groaned as he shut the door behind him, wasting no time in slamming you against the nearest wall and tangling a hand in your hair, mouth sucking hickies wherever it could find purchase. You whined at the name, your panties growing wetter by the second as you felt them stick to your core.

“You really think you can just tease me like that in front of everyone? What would they say if they found out how desperate you are to get fucked,” he mused, cupping you in a way that had you mewling, head thrown back against the wall to give him greater access to your neck. His tongue left trails of blue and purple and saliva, his breathing hot and heavy against your skin.

“I’m sorry Cisco,” you breathed in faux remorse, your hands finding their way to his hair to tug as he continued his ministrations. You knew it wasn’t convincing, that he was aware of just how badly you wanted to be fucked, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

The cool wall beneath your hot flesh pulled your mind from the haze of his presence momentarily before he lodged his thigh between your legs, propping you against the wall.

“If you want to cum so badly, you’re gonna have to beg. You’re not getting my dick for a week,” he ordered, his usually kind eyes blown with lust as he focused his gaze on where his knee disappeared under your dress. He could feel it getting wetter by the second, your thin panties doing little to conceal your arousal, and he groaned at the sensation.

The feeling of his firm thigh against you had you keening, gripping onto his shoulders; it was too much, your pussy sensitive from hours of unaddressed arousal, but you wanted, needed release, even if it wasn’t from his cock. Before you could react, his hands moved to your hips and pushed you down, grinding your pussy against his thigh so slowly you couldn’t think straight, your legs straining to keep yourself standing.

“F-fuck,” you mewled, preparing to grind down on him further when his thigh disappeared from between your legs. Though the setting sun left the apartment dim, you could see the dark patch of your arousal on the black denim of his pants.

The absence of his thigh left your pussy throbbing, silently begging for any stimulation. As if Cisco could read your mind, he smirked and pressed his body against yours, his hard-on prominent against your stomach.

“I’m going to go sit on the couch, and maybe if you beg like a good girl, I’ll let you use my thigh to get off. Got it?” his jaw was clenched and his chocolate eyes were glazed over with emotion; in any other situation you would have mistaken his demeanor for anger, but as the pads of his fingers replaced his lips on your throat, you knew he was just as turned on as you were.

“Y-yes sir,” you breathed as he let go of your neck, pulling away from your body to saunter over to the couch. He undid his belt as he walked and pulled his pants down far enough to let his cock free before taking a seat on the couch, watching you as you approached him.

You were nervous under his stern gaze, hoping he would show you mercy and let you cum on his thigh despite having teased him all night in front of his friends.

“Strip.”

You stood in front of him, hands fumbling with the zipper of your dress until you managed to pull it down slowly, stepping out of it and exposing yourself to him. Your thin bra left little to the imagination, and you could tell Cisco appreciated your selection when he moaned, one hand pumping himself languidly as the other rested on the back of the couch. “Should I take these off?” you asked, hooking a thumb under the waistband of your panties when he shook his head, smirking at you through hooded eyes. “Keep ‘em on, I want you to see how much you ruin them once we’re through,” he moaned, holding the base of his cock to keep himself from cumming at his words alone. You gulped, nodding quickly before approaching his form on the couch. Now you were able to get a good look at him; his jeans hung messily below his hips, his cock hard and red in his hand. He looked absolutely ethereal, even as his gaze burned holes in you. “Tell me what you want, babygirl,” he ordered, eyeing your body up and down. You felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment, sure that the wetness on your panties was visible from where he was sitting. His lips were parted in a silent moan, his hand on his cock paired with the sight of you dripping and ready for him nearly enough to throw him over the edge. Your mind raced, trying to focus on forming coherent sentences rather than the sight of his cock hard and strong against his abdomen and the throbbing of your pussy. “I-I want to cum,” you spoke, your words far more desperate than you intended. “You’re going to have to give me more than that, princess,” he teased, raising an eyebrow in amusement as you pouted in frustration. You wanted him more than you ever had before, your breathing shallow and your body temperature rising at the sheer lust you felt. “Can I please use your thigh to cum? It’s so big and strong,” you were bordering on whining, pressing your thighs together to create some sort of friction to no avail, the slick running between your thighs doing nothing to satisfy the ache. The smirk on his face grew and for a moment your stomach dropped, thinking he was going to deny you until his hand left his cock and gestured for you to come forward. You took a deep breath and stood over him, bringing his thick thigh between yours before lowering yourself down. You immediately moaned at the contact, the sensation you’d been aching for proving to be too much to handle. Your head rested against his chest as you collected enough strength to begin moving, your shaky limbs threatening to give out. You squeezed your thighs around his tightly, your needy pussy clenching around nothing. Before you could compose yourself enough to move, his hand smacked your ass hard, causing you to lurch forward and mewl into his chest. “Move.” His order was all it took; you moved your hips back, breath hitching at how good it felt to feel him rub your folds. Everything felt impossibly wet, and his thigh rubbed you in all the right places. “What a pathetic slut,” he chided, moving both hands to knead your flesh and move you forward. Your core clenched and he chuckled lowly, tapping your ass as a signal to speed up. “You’re so fucking needy. You need my dick in you so bad you’re willing to risk all our friends finding out about how dirty you are.” You angled your hips to rub your clothed clit on the rough denim of his jeans and moaned, limbs convulsing at the pleasure. It was getting overwhelming, the knot in your stomach forming faster than you thought possible as you grinded on his thigh as fast as possible. Your high was approaching you quickly, your panties absolutely soaked, and you silently cursed the hours of horniness which had already brought you close to the edge. “Look at you, so fucking desperate. I haven’t even touched you and you’re already fucked out,” it went on like that for a few minutes, you grinding desperately on his thigh while he did nothing more than deliver a few encouraging smacks to your ass while stroking himself. It felt too good, your clit throbbing and your core clenching around nothing at his dirty words. The knot in your stomach was impossibly tight, and without warning the white-hot burn of your orgasm washed over you as you writhed against Cisco’s thigh. Your juices leaked all over his thigh, your legs shaking from the sheer power of it. “That’s right, come all over my thigh like the needy slut you are,” he commanded, delivering a sharp smack to your ass. You let out a scream into his chest, his roughness blissful yet met with a twinge of pain as the high of your orgasm crashed down. You took deep breaths and slowly moved to dismount his thigh, the direct contact painful to your sensitive core, when his grip on your hips tightened. You shot him a questioning look, ready to ask him what he wanted when he pressed you down on his thigh again, grinding you fast and hard. “Ci- Cis-,” the sound you let out was inhuman, somewhere between a moan and scream as you pushed against his chest to stop his onslaught, but to no avail. It was painful, your pussy far too sensitive, yet sparks of pleasure ignited your body through the pain. You loved every second of it. “What? You wanted to cum so badly, but now you don’t want it? You can take it, I know you can,” he pushed, grinding you faster and harder on his thigh than you could ever imagine. He was right, you wanted more in every way, needing to feel the thigh you loved so much. Everything hurt so bad but felt so incredible, and soon you were thrown over the edge again, this time cumming with a long, drawn-out whine. Your panties were soaked through, sticking to you uncomfortably as you moved off his thigh, trying your best to avoid looking at the wet stain where you were previously mounted. You sat next to Cisco on the couch, watching in sated awe as he brought himself over the edge as well, his cheeks flushed pink and his lips parted in a silent moan. “That was amazing,” you commented, wrapping your arm around his torso as he chuckled, returning to his normal, warm self.

“Agreed,” he sighed, turning his head to press a kiss to your forehead. “I wasn’t kidding though, don’t touch my dick in public. I don’t like explaining my boner to our friends. And Y/n I love you so fucking much.” "I know" you say quoting Star Wars at him.

[spirits-n-giggles]

I thought he turned back because he liked her petting his snout and he didn’t want to do anything to give that away. Or he was surprised he liked her touching his fur. Not gonna lie that sneeze threw me. Why did he sneeze? Side out: I know he’s a dog not cat, but does he make any purring noises? Like a dogs pur sound kind of? Some wolves can purr. Inquiring mind here 😉

Okay! FINE! I give up! 

Here you go! 😍

Fully fledged, and with art at the end to boot.

Enjoy!

The First Time Rin Met Doggy!Sesshy

So, you want to know about the first time Rin ever saw Sesshomaru in full Doggy!Sesshy form, eh?

Hmm.... It would have to be at some point during the original series, yeah? So Rin would still have to be what demons would call a tiny human. It would happen in the evening, after the night would fall. The camping party of misfits would consist of Lord Sesshomaru, Jaken, Ah and Un, and the tiny human, Rin. They would all lay at their own leisure in a safe area to camp, complete with shade to stay hidden in the large bushes and trees.

They would have sat for a while, whilst the toad demon and the tiny human would feast upon the catch they would have made earlier on in the day. With bellies filled, it wouldn’t be long before Rin would finally find herself in a sleeping state. This would be a queue for Sesshomaru to go and hunt for his own food, as he would order Jaken to stay behind and keep guard over the camp. He would only travel as far as he needed to in order to obtain his food, but that would vary depending on how far away camp would be from his preferred diet.

What does he eat?

Use your imagination.

That’s not what this oneshot is about. :)

Something would happen while Sesshomaru would hunt, and it would most likely be a huge giant big-headed demon of some kind that would have smelled the dwindling campfire from not too far away. Careful to guard itself with its own personal demonic energy, this pathetic waste of space would cleverly hide its scent as it would happen upon the camp while the moon hung high in the sky. This stupid demon would believe Sesshomaru to be rather small compared to it’s large stature, and unfortunately for this idiotic demon, it would soon find out what happens when one assumes.

This filler episode demon would have waited until all was clear to attack the camp so he wouldn’t have to try very hard for his own dinner. With the larger demon long gone, this moron would emerge from the trees in the night and spot the sleeping girl and pathetic goblin-looking toad and see them as nothing more than a nice midnight snack. This causes Rin to release a blood-curdling scream. All this stupid demon would know was that the bigger demon was gone so these little tiny nothings be ripe for the picking. Sure there was still a dragon but surely he could handle one and be done with his business before the bigger demon would return, right?

As Sesshomaru would make his one and only kill to eat, he would immediately hear the cry of Rin. It would take naught but a hop and a jump for him to get to her, only to see that she would be lifted into some giant’s mouth. Ah and Un could only do so much while muzzled, and stupid Jaken would get himself caught, again. Sesshoamru would arrive to see the size of such a spectacle, and figures that it would just be easier to settle this the old fashioned way.

He would sigh at such a pathetic excuse of a demon, and he wouldn’t even have have to think as he would suddenly -- *- BAMF -* -- transform into full Doggy!Sesshy. Doggy!Sesshy would be a big vicious beasty, and poor Rin wouldn’t have even been able to see the transformation since she’d be too busy with almost being eaten, and all that.

The dumb demon would have had no time to react to the sudden giant-ass dog demon that would suddenly come lunging towards him. Doggy!Sesshy would swiftly kill the vermin, with little to show for it since his blood would taste absolutely disgusting to the Demon Lord. After mere seconds, both of the demon’s arms would separate from the rest of its body (cause duh) , and Sesshomaru would catch Rin (and Jaken) on the safety of his back to guide them down to safety.

It would take a few moments for the damsels to come back to their senses. “W-what happened?” Rin’s voice would speak as she’d subconsciously hold onto whatever she had landed on. She would look up to see that she’d be in the sky, flying as if she were on the back of Ah and Un, but she would see her two-headed friend as he would anxiously await her back on the ground. She would then look down to see white fur under her as they would glide in the air, and the fur would feel somewhat familiar, but not enough for her to directly understand what had just happened.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" She would scream for his attention. She would know that he’d sometimes leave the camp to eat, but a demon was just killed by another in front of her. "Lord Sesshomaru where are you?" He would usually hear her cry. It wouldn’t be like him not to show up to a fight like this.

She would be eager to get off this random.... demon and search for her lord.

"You fool!” Rin would hear Jaken’s voice from behind her. She would look to see her friend desperately trying to hold on to any kind of fur under him. This IS Lord Sesshomaru!" Jaken would berate the tiny human and her ignorance while holding on for dear life.

“Hold on Jaken! I’ve got you!” She would be close enough to be able to pull him up to safety by his unique looking staff.

Jaken would be thankful, though he wouldn’t want to be. “Meddlesome girl. I could have made it on my own.”

“What do you mean that this is Lord Sesshomaru?” How would she have known? This would be her first experience seeing him this way, after all. Doggy!Sesshy would take this time to slow them down and eventually come to a smooth landing.

“Don’t you know anything?” Jaken would screech as he would jump off of his Lord’s back. “Lord Sesshomaru is a Dog Demon. This is his true form! The look of a human is an optional one, but it does keep his true form rested and at bay so he doesn’t go crazy and kill the entire world with his vicious power and anger!” Jaken would cower at the very idea of the story.  Rin would follow and slide off of Sesshomaru’s side, but he would stand there for a moment in full form. Rin would be shy about her movements, but she would be careful as she would slowly come to see the front of his dog-like face.

This would be the face of a great beast. He would be large and white. His snout would be pointed and vicious, and his sneer would hold a look of what most would consider to be pure evil. He would growl as he would refrain from releasing any of his poison around her, and such a sound would resonate within her ears. He would be fully aware, watching her intently, waiting for her every move. He would only imagine what his horrid form would look to her. ‘Surely, she must be frozen in terror. Look at how still she stands.’ He would believe it to be fear that he’d see in her eyes.

Nothing about his true form would be recognizable to her, except the familiar markings on his face. His two stripes on each of his human-like cheeks would morph into one jagged one on each in this form. The moon in the center of his head would make Rin wonder if the moon somehow helped his power in some way. Her disposition would calm as she would eventually be able to see him through his demonic form. "Lord Sesshomaru?" She would ask, looking into one very large red eye.

It would seem to be him after all, as he would shortly transform back to his usual form- the form that she'd be most familiar with. She would shield her eyes of the wind that would flow out of him.

He would stand, calm and emotionless, as per usual, but he would carry a disposition that would somehow be more quiet and standoff-ish. There would be no voice from Jaken, this time, and Ah and Un would always prefer to be the silent contenders in these situations. Sesshomaru would be waiting for Rin to scream and run from him in terror after what she had just seen. He would have just transformed into a vicious beast and murdered in cold blood right in front of her. In a way, he’d be no different than the one that just tried to kill her, so she must be terrified...

Right? ‘I really am a monster.’

Rin would not notice the trepidation in his movements. “Wow...” She’d whisper. Her eyes would grow wide with a smile to match. "Can you do that again?" She'd suddenly ask with hopeful eyes.

Sesshomaru’s eyes would widen at her sudden request... and for just a moment, Sesshomaru’s voice would be caught. ‘...What?’

"HOW DARE YOU REQUEST SUCH A THING." Jaken‘s voice would screech in her ear, scurrying over to the tiny human. "Lord Sesshomaru does not waste such valuable demonic energy to entertain the witless demands of a pathetic little human like you."

"Silence." Sesshomaru's voice would only have to utter a single word to get the demon toad to quiet himself.

“Y-yes milord.” The servant would do as he was told, sheepishly hiding behind the tiny human Rin in the process.

Sesshomaru would be the Great Demon Lord of the West. It would take naught but little energy for him to do something as simple as transform into his full self for a second time. The air around him would start to pulsate once again, as would the echo of his heartbeat. The wind would ripple through the tall grass and the leaves in the trees. Rin's eyes would grow in awe as she would watch his hair start to freely dance with the wind. Before she’d know it, a dangerous red color of his demonic eyes would return as the usual soft amber color of his eyes would fade away. His gaze would land directly on her.

Rin would stand completely still, wanting to see the entire transformation. There would be a certain something inside of her that would never want to look away. Rin would be an empathic human being, and this power could be very valuable in the future, should she desire to continue down the path of divinity. But for this moment in time, it would be able to help her see the beauty in such an extremely wild and dangerous moment as showing one’s true demon form like this. This would speak to her heart, though her mind would still need to develop a little more before she would be able to fully understand this power. For now, she would just be able to enjoy this moment.

Oh, what magic this would be to her- but Jaken would be smart to grab her arm as he would run from the blast that he knew would come. The human would watch in awe as Sesshomaru’s human-like being would become wrapped in the fur that would usually stay at his side, right before fully transforming in size with the power of his demonic light.

Clad in his full beast form, Sesshomaru would stand tall and mighty. The hiss in his growl would even scare away the sleeping birds that nest high in the trees, but Rin would pull herself away from Jaken's hiding spot and make her way towards this new Demon Lord Sesshomaru. This full transformation would be the raw and natural state of a creature that would call himself the Demon Lord of the West, and this would intrigue Rin to no end, no matter what age she might be.

He would actually be a... dog.

Her eyes would be directly on him as he would gently turn to see her with one very large and perhaps a little bit of a timid eye, as well. She would take her time making her way towards him, but she wouldn't hesitate to take the first step as soon as possible. His growl would come from deep within his throat, as if warning her not to get too close. This would be a recurring theme in Sesshomaru’s character, whether he’d notice it or not. This would just be another way for him to push her away, and to remind her that he is not good, he is not kind, and he is definitely not nice.

He is a monster, and he would always be a monster.

She would pause, but she would not be afraid. He would be in a defensive stance, but his body language would eventually simmer down to a calmer state, as she would grow even closer. Her mind would only be on Sesshomaru with youthful eyes of her own, but not with fear of him hurting her, but with fear of him being frightened of her footsteps.

The closer she would get, the more his growl would dim. Jaken's eyes would be large, as he would observe Rin’s courage. Even he wouldn’t dare to get so close to such danger. His jaw would seem to hit the ground.

Sesshomaru would then lower his snout down to Rin’s gaze. He would only be able to see her with one eye, but one would be enough. Rin would eventually be close enough to gently, yet gradually feel the familiar fur at the side of his nose. She would know the soothing familiarly of his fur, for it would be thickened with his wild nature, and warm to the touch. Here she would come to the understanding that his Moko-moko would be a part of him somehow. as she would continue petting the bridge of his nose.

This gentle action of hers would cause his eyes to gently come to a close. He would feel her kind touch, and it would be a foreign feeling. It would almost seem as though he... might... actually....

His eyes would suddenly pop open wide, and he would yank his face away from her, which would frighten the poor girl and she would end up falling back with a small scream. Her fear ridden voice would cause him to immediately transform back to normal as if nothing happened.

After a moment of defining silence between the small camp of beings, none would dare make a sound. They would watch Sesshomaru as he would slowly, but surely raise his (only) arm (at the time) . The silence would remain until the smallest ... *sneeze*...? would suddenly come from their Demon Lord of the West.

Did... Did Rin just make Lord Sesshomaru... sneeze?

"Let's go." Sesshomaru says as he turns away from the camp. "Since you're all awake, we might as well travel on."

She did! Rin made Lord Sesshomaru sneeze...

Well...Sort of.

He had to think of something, didn’t he? She was PETTING him like a DOG. That was unacceptable... right?

A-and it’s not like he actually enjoyed it or anything... right?

Never.

That would be considered affection.

Affection?

What is that?

Unfortunately, he would have absolutely no idea of what affection would be, so he wouldn’t understand why he would feel something ... positive in her gentle touch to his demonic form. And he definitely didn’t use the excuse of a fake sneeze so he could..... touch... the spot that she touched in his own state of shock.

Please.

This Sesshomaru? Have feelings?

Ridiculous.

Rin would scurry on up as everyone would continue on. ‘Lord Sesshomaru....’ she would think to herself. ‘You truly are beautiful. Inside and out.’ She would smile a smile that would be felt by the entire group.

‘I am a monster,’ he would think to himself, ‘but... perhaps I can be a decent one.’ Lord Sesshomaru, too, would hide a vague grin as they would venture on with their adventure.

Art and story by: Me :)

[waywardwrestlewritingwaif]

Raise the Stakes, Part 6

Moving right along...

Don't forget to read Place Your Bets and the first 5 part of Raise the Stakes, which you can find in the Master List.

Pairing: David Finlay x OFC x Jay White

Word count: 2,031

Content advisory: sexual references, cursing, giant dump trucks of angst and hurtfulness

There is nothing weird about this, you tell yourself. This is what adults do. They acknowledge their mistakes and achieve some kind of closure that leaves everyone a little sadder and wiser, but also peaceful.

“Yeah, idiot,” you murmur out loud, “that’s why you’re standing here scared shitless of a door.”

You have to knock. You have to do this. You’re so worked up you feel nauseous.

The last few days have been awful. You’d slunk around under a dark cloud of shame and guilt, which was only emphasized by the fact that Jay had been as cheery and relaxed as you’d ever seen him in his life. He was funny and attentive and you hadn’t been able to enjoy any of it because there wasn’t an atom in your body that felt like you deserved it.

Even worse, as you’ve been dragging yourself around work, you’ve been trying to get caught, wandering around where you’re going to run into David Finlay. It’s only half-conscious but you feel like if you could just get him to say something, scream at you, dump all the scorn and abuse you so richly deserve on your shoulders, it might actually make things better.

But as much as you’ve tried to worm your way into his path, Finlay hasn’t so much as glanced. It’s a conscious effort on his part. It has to be. But the only look he’s given is still that awful, gutting one you got when he’d reappeared in Japan and seen you on Jay’s lap,,,

Perhaps you wouldn’t be quite so shaken up if things hadn’t seemed a bit tense with Jay earlier. He’d headed out to go to dinner and clubs with some wealthy New Japan sponsors, something you knew usually meant hitting hostess clubs and all manner of other things. Yes, you were thrilled that it finally gave you the chance to force contact with David, but it also seemed creepily reminiscent of the way your life had been before Jay had suddenly decided to romance you.

You are not here because you’re insecure about Jay. You are here because if you don’t talk things out at least a little with David, it’s going to kill you. You’re grownups. You can have a serious, respectful conversation where you apologize for everything you’ve done wrong.

Finally, you grit your teeth and knock on the apartment door.

It swings open and there he is, a look of utter disbelief on his face for a second before he rolls his eyes.

“Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.”

He immediately walks away and back into his apartment but since he doesn’t slam the door in your face, you slip inside it and watch as he cleans up the remains of what appears to be a home cooked dinner. It smells nice.

“I didn’t know you cooked,” you offer meekly.

He doesn’t even bother to turn around. “What do you want?”

He couldn’t sound any less interested.

“I want… I owe you an apology. I mean, I wanted to say that I’m so sorry-“

“Good, ok, message delivered,” he snaps. “Trust you can show yourself out.”

“David, please, I just want to tell you how awful I feel. I never meant for things to get so screwed up and I know that it’s my fault. I’m just so sorry.”

He shifts to the sink and starts washing his hands, way too vigorously.

“Yeah, I heard you the first time.” You can see his shoulders shudder a little and it breaks your heart. All you want to do is hug him and tell him over and over that you feel horrible.

“Bye.” His voices rises enough that you can hear the anger in it.

There’s a wisp of hair that’s fallen over his face and you have to restrain yourself from walking over and brushing it out of the way.

“Can you just look at me, please?”

From what you can see of his face, he looks furious.

“I don’t want to look at you. I don’t want to have to see you at work. I don’t want to smell your perfume. I don’t want to hear your self-important, grating little voice.”

He wipes his hands and throws the dish towel down with a vengeance before he finally turns and meets your eyes.

“And what I really don’t want is to have you here in my home, the place where I’m supposed to be able to relax and clear my head, putting on this little contrite performance so that you can feel better about yourself.”

“That’s not fair.”

He lets out a painful sort of laugh and stares at the floor. “You are unreal, lady. I mean the ego on you-“

“I wouldn’t be here if I… I know you hate me and I deserve that but I want you to understand…”

He brings his hand to his head, pinching his temples like he’s fighting a migraine.

“I know how this looks terrible but it’s like I got hit by an avalanche.”

“I wish you had.”

The line almost makes you laugh out loud because it’s like something you’d say in the same circumstances.

“He just showed up and started freaking out because he saw us together the day before and I should have just tried to stop things but it just all escalated and I’m not trying to say that this isn’t my fault because it is.”

He holds up his hand, frowning and obviously trying to work through what you’ve just said.

“He told you that he saw us together the day before?”

“Yes, and it was like he thought this was some huge betrayal-“

“When did all this escalation happen exactly?”

Your jaw drops as you realize that you’ve just made things much worse.

“I don’t know, I guess it happened pretty quickly.”

“Like what, the day after I left?”

You move your mouth but you can’t make words come out.

“Jesus Christ, it wasn’t even that long, was it? You were probably riding his dick before I was even on the goddamned plane.” He breaks down in a mirthless, disquieting laughter. “Here I’ve been thinking that he was working on you and just wore you down. Son of a bitch didn’t even have to do that.”

“I’m sorry,” you whimper, starting to choke up. “I’m just-“

“So very sorry, I got it. I am not hard of hearing. Might be a bit naive and terribly fucking stupid, but yeah, the hearing is just fine.”

You feel like you’re about to crumple, like even your skeleton is so revolted that it wants to get away from you.

David shakes his head and stares at you, clear-eyed. “You are just pathetic. You know he doesn’t love you. You know this ends with you crying yourself to sleep at night because he’s right back to being the same person he’s always been.”

You feel like you’re on fire. “Alright, you’re hurt and you want to hurt me. I get it. But you know what a lousy thing that is to say.”

“It’s good that you’re back with him. You deserve each other.”

You clench every muscle in your face, determined not to start crying until you’re out the door. You think about the way he looked at you when you had breakfast together and wish that you could go running back to that man.

“No, really. It’s good,” he continues. “Because at least if the two of you are together, the rest of us are safe.”

There’s a long, painful silence before he speaks again.

“Great talk. Thank you for coming here to make sure I know that there was not one ounce of sincerity in anything you said to me, that what happened with us was just your way of getting Jay all riled up and possessive.”

Now it’s you who can’t look him in the eye. You keep mumbling apologies like a mantra, hoping that somehow you can break through this thorny armour he’s donned. Very slowly, head bent in shame, you make your way towards him, unsure what you’re trying to accomplish.

With every step, you expect him to scream at you but when he doesn’t, you move just a little closer. This is it. You’ve lost your goddamn mind. Just once more, you want to experience that profound sense of safety and calm you’d gotten on the two occasions when you’d curled up in bed with him. It’s all destroyed now, of course. You destroyed it. But you keep approaching, your eyes riveted to that perfect space in his shoulder where your head fits so perfectly. You’re close enough that you can feel the radiant heat from his body, the wave of his breath in your hair.

Lightly but insistently, he puts his hands on your shoulders so that you know to stay where you are.

“If there is anything I can do to make this even a little bit better… I know I can’t fix it but if I thought we could at least be… human to each other. Anything at all, I’ll do it.”

“Ok,” he murmurs.

The pressure of his hands on your shoulders grows a little heavier and his lips drift down so that you feel his calm breath against your ear. Your entire body feels electric.

“Here it is,” he whispers. “Get the fuck out of here and never come back.”

You straighten up and fall back a step, hoping you haven’t heard him correctly.

He nods a little. “Now.”

*

You sit on the tiny square of iron and cement that passes for a balcony in your building, knees pulled up to your chest, slowly smoking your way through the “safety pack” of cigarettes you keep in the freezer. You haven’t smoked regularly since college but there are moments when your body just demands it to function.

It’s just as well that Jay’s out entertaining and being entertained because you can’t make yourself think about anything but David. The idea that someone is out there hating you that much is bad enough, but that it’s him, someone you like… someone you’ve always liked. Every time you think of the things he said, the knife twists in your gut a little harder. Some of it was too much, no matter how hurt he was, but very little of it was wrong.

Maybe if the two of you had met up in a place where Jay White didn’t exist to trigger all your insecurities.

The worst part is the sense that you’ve been permanently dismissed, that what happened tonight was the end. You know that you should respect his wishes but you’re already thinking of ways you could trap him and make him speak to you. And you’re very aware that the way you’re thinking is creepy.

It’s ridiculous. You’re getting lavished with attention by the man you’ve been hung up on for years. Maybe he even wants this to be a relationship. But at the moment you feel gutted because the man you dropped to get to where you are now has indicated he doesn’t want to speak. Theoretically, you’re in a great position but it feels like you have nothing.

You’d like to think that you’re just crazy and you just want to find something to be anxious about, or you have a self-destructive compulsion. But that feels like it would be letting yourself off easy, claiming that you couldn’t be any other way, even if you tried. Maybe you can’t be any different here in Japan, isolated and constantly in the presence of the guy who’s been holding your leash for six years. In another universe, where you’ve made different decisions and learned from your mistakes, maybe you would be the sort of girl who could meet someone like David Finlay and revel in the way you feel about him and the way he felt about you.

But your reality is that you are here. You are in this strange position with Jay. And David, who seemed to smitten with you just a few weeks ago, never wants to speak to you again. Nothing you can do to change that. Right?

[lizardrosen]

National Theater Live King Lear

Hello, here is a ridiculously long review of this production! I just had a lot of feelings and thoughts!

Setting/Staging/Mood

I really loved the sound design for this one. It’s hard to describe, but the chords gave it a real presence and sense of motion. It was vaguely reminiscent of horror movie music in the way the chords lingered and didn’t blend in seamlessly, but I wouldn’t call it horror music exactly. The BELL tolling while Lear zips up his folder was such a good first image and bit of sound. And there were drinking songs, which I always love to see in a play. Put that Epic Theater technique straight in my mouth!

The circle in the middle that’s red in the first half and white in the second was a really creative detail, and the actors used that space effectively, especially with overlapping exits and entrances to make it feel that scenes happened in different locations while still being thematically connected.

The opulence and ceremony of the  first scene gradually gives way to the more sparse and modern staging of act five — formal military dress to fatigues

I love how Lear raises his hand in prayer and command, compelling everyone else to follow suit to show their devotion and allegiance (and is there a difference between their king and their gods in this world?) even when they’re unsure about whether he’s right to be so cruel to Cordelia.

The recurring imagery of money changing hands really fits in well with the theme of love as currency that’s already in the text!

The single tree in the background of act five gave me Waiting For Godot vibes, which works SO WELL with the absurdism and nihilism of Lear.

Thoughts about specific characters under the cut!

Edgar! My SON!!

Luke Thompson is the reason I’ve wanted so badly to watch this production; ever since I saw his standout performance as Laertes in the 2017 Almeida Theater production, and found out he’s also played Orestes and Edgar, I’ve just been rabid about it!

It’s neat to see him actually at the ceremony of the first scene, with Edmund already Literally in his shadow.

He’s a little less hapless and distracted than most of the Edgars I’ve seen, a little more watchful. In 1.2 he’s actually pushing back against Edmund’s insistence that he’s in danger, and then in 2.1 there’s a long moment of just Looking at Edmund’s knife before he flees.

Similarly, his decision to become Poor Tom felt a bit more calculated. It’s not that he isn’t scared and lost and desperate, because he definitely is, but the plan itself doesn’t seem to grow out of that feeling as much as he (sort of) calmly looked at his options.

Of course, he doesn’t stay calm; that agonized scream when he actually cuts himself, and later on when he sees his father blinded and screams “World, world, o world!” really feels like he’s letting something out, and more than usual he seems to have been holding this part of himself back for a long time.

The counterpart to that is the self that does the watching — it’s a part of all Edgars that makes him a really compelling character, with his self-aware asides, but it’s particularly pronounced here — there’s a moment where he says “Bless thy five wits!” in his normal voice, and then catches himself and has to reassert the role he’s playing for his own safety.

At times he’s very impatient and frustrated while leading Gloucester, but he also cares about him a lot and is so terrified that he’s actually died when he “fell” from the cliff, this poor boy’s entire body is trembling!

He instinctively moves to protect Gloucester from Lear when he gets more violent and unpredictable with “find these son-in-laws and KILL KILL KILL” and it was a good moment

Gives into his own viciousness in the fight with Oswald, and then, Hamlet-like, lugs the guts into the neighbor room.

Edgar doesn’t seem to know if he wants his dad to recognize him or not — he puts Gloucester’s hand on his face, but then as soon as he seems about to realize who he is he very quickly takes it away again and gets them moving

He’s even more desperate and reckless than Edmund in their duel, but then once Edmund is fatally injured, he’s right by his side, holding his hand, helping him through it!

He needs Lear to recognize Kent, he needs Lear to not be dying, he’s so sincere, but then he decides if he can’t save anyone here he can at least help Albany to help the country heal and pledges himself to the future.

Lear

Awful but also very pitiable, more like a human losing his grip and knowing it, than just a Vessel for themes that are echoed in other characters.

Lashes out at himself more than at other people, but he definitely still does both.

“But they shall be the terrors of the earth” is just a man who’s terrified to be losing his words.

He has bad knees and everyone knows it but he keeps trying to kneel, and sometimes it feels like he’s mocking his daughters — look how much I’m suffering for you even though you’re ungrateful — and sometimes it feels like he’s forgotten his own body’s limitations.

Spends a lot of time offering physical comfort to other characters, since he can’t be a dad for his real daughters.

His flower crown scene was Just ophelia, and I think that’s beautiful.

aaaaa, his helpless grief for Cordelia! He moves the noose from her neck to his!! and then he takes out a handgun and threatens everyone away from him, but he’s just so helpless and sad!

Edmund! my other son!

I was a little surprised to see that this actor is James Corrigan, because I recognized him as Roderigo in the RSC Othello, and he’s sort of the anti-Edmund, so I was excited to see the contrast, but honestly there wasn’t as much of a contrast as I expected. He had many of the same cringing appeasing mannerisms, but in a way that makes it clear that he’s aware of his unfair situation in a way his Roderigo really isn’t. Despite being a bastard he has a lot more social power and mobility than Roderigo so he doesn’t seem nearly as pathetic.

Other Edmunds are composed and precise in their soliloquies because this is the one place no one will see them planning things out, and this Edmund is babbling and overwhelmed because this is the one place no one will see him feeling things, because feeling things is dangerous.

He’s so! scared! of his dad! It’s painful to watch, and it’s almost as painful to watch how he’s still looking for approval and respect from Gloucester. Someone save this boy!

He gets in WAY over his head, and it feels like he’s scrambling at every turn, but then at some point he just levels up and strides with confidence, and it’s really good to see.

oh my god, oh my god, he saw everything that happened with Gloucester! After everyone else leaves he comes out from his hiding place looking just devastated. He hated his dad, but he never hated him that much, and by the time he couldn’t stomach it any longer there was no way for him to escape, and then he’s still processing it when he sees that the Fool was also there, and he has to kill him because no one can know he was there. I SCREAMED when this moment happened, it was so good!

WOW, he’s so smooth, it’s no wonder both the sisters want a piece of that! It’s more of a power play with Regan, and a little more courtly with Goneril, and he just knows what each of them want and need from him.

When Lear and Cordelia are captured, Lear says “As if we were God’s spies” and he’s still kingly enough that the soldiers drop to their knees and lift their hands in allegiance, and Edmund has to rush in to make one of them stand up while saying “Take them away” sort of impatiently, and then he immediately checks the order he’s written for their deaths, because he’s just seen how dangerous it is for these two to be kept alive. aaaaa, and then when the captain hesitates, he holds a gun to his temple on “Either say thou’lt do’t, or thrive by other means” !! I love that line and I love the sheer range of deliveries I’ve seen for it!

The wonder in his voice at “Yet Edmund was beloved.” is really good! He’s so desperate to do some good by the end, and I love! Edmund of Gloucester!

Kent

Having Kent played by a woman does some really neat things to the character, not least of which is crossdressing Caius! She sort of feels like she overperforms toxic masculinity to fit into the culture of Lear’s retinue. Other Kents seem to be allowing their latent desires and bluntness to emerge with this role, but this Kent isn’t suited to it, and sometimes she gets a little carried away or makes missteps like beating up Oswald, but she has to see it through, for Lear’s sake.

Kent also doesn’t feel Big In Love with Lear, but she’s definitely devoted to him — and even more than that, she’s devoted to the image of loyalty itself.

Her genuine affection for Cordelia, and pride to see how she’s doing as a queen, is really sweet and good!

After she’s been banished, she rushes out of the throne room as Burgundy and France enter, covering her face like she’s desperately trying to hold back her tears.

She’s with the French soldiers looking for Lear, and is the one who tells him “You shall have anything!”

At the end she’s not exactly surprised that Lear doesn’t connect her with Caius, and she’s not upset (about that part of it anyway, plenty of things in this scene are upsetting), but she’s definitely feeling something.

ahhhh, she picks up Lear’s handgun and sort of cradles it to her side when she prepares for her final journey! sweetheart!

Gloucester

he’s just! a terrible father!! simply the worst!

A lot of the time Gloucester isn’t a very good dad just because he’s friendly and careless and just not paying attention to how he’s treating his sons; this one is actively awful and I actively hate him!!

From the very first scene he’s so scornful and dismissive of Edmund and hitting him for no reason, and then turns around to show off photos of Edgar, and that doesn’t even really benefit Edgar either, because he’s held to an unfair standard he can never live up to.

It really shows in how both of them are touch starved but also extremely cautious about being touched. Someone save them!!

(In fact, in the serial killer Claudius AU, a certain Earl does get himself murdered when Edmund is sixteen)

Not a Bad Dad thing, but not really showing Gloucester in a good light: he does think Lear’s age and reverence should be respected, but his motivation seems to be a lot more based in his indignation that Regan and Cornwall have taken over his home and order him around. For this Gloucester it seemed to be less about feeling sorry for Lear, and more about reasserting his sovereignty.

But because this is Lear I don’t just hate him, and he’s not just a bad father, you also feel for him a lot after he’s been blinded and his legs are just trembling and he’s so scared and lost.

Even after he’s blinded he keeps turning to his photos of Edgar in his wallet, and it’s sad and regretful instead of showing off.

He had a really good cliff fall! He goes up to what he thinks is the edge, and then turns around and braces himself to fall backwards, and then Edgar has to rush to catch him, and lay him gently on the ground, and panic that maybe he’s actually died.

Lear Sisters

No one was prepared for Lear’s announcement and the way each of them responds informs so much of how they act through the rest of the play!

Goneril is startled and unsure and fumbling, and I really felt for her and her “hateful life”, and the way she’s stunned in the wake of Lear’s abuse, but then needs to pull herself together again when he returns. For so much of this play she feels small and adrift, but then she’s so happy for once whenever she’s with Edmund. Albany really does seem to care about her and he’s trying to be good for her, so he takes it when she yells at him, and then stays behind to pray for a bit. He’s a little less nice later on but to be fair she is cheating on him and not bothering to hide it very well.

Regan! With her fake tears and her constant flirtiness, and the way she’s always twirling and showing off! She is a hot mess, and she only gets hotter and messier as the play goes on, but she and Cornwall love each other a lot, and she wants to be suited to torture the way her husband is, but she gets into it by the end of that scene. And then!! her hand on Edmund’s throat! W o w

Cordelia is calm and sure and knows exactly what her sisters are, and in that first scene she comes so close to reaching her father and getting him to change his mind about disowning her. And that carries through to the rest of her performance — she’s competent and precise and loving, and France is smitten with her and listens to her and respects her. When she’s reunited with Lear she wants him to wake up, but also isn’t prepared for it to actually happen, and then she’s so surprised when they say she should be the one to address him first.

Cornwall

I first saw Daniel Rabin as Reynaldo in the Almeida Theater Hamlet (ask me about how Reynaldo and Laertes are half-dating whenever he follows Laertes to France, because I have Opinions), and his Cornwall is SO different

He’s not just manipulative, but violent and enjoying his violence, but he’s also sexy and possessive and commanding, and it’s no wonder Edmund falls for him as hard as he does!

TYING HIS SCARF around Edmund’s hand after he wounds himself for love and validation!? The soft tender look of surprise that Edmund gives him in response!? wow! wow, what a MOMENT!

And then he shoves Edmund into the room after he’s been shown Gloucester’s letter, he has to punish the messenger and assert his position. And after “Thou shalt find a dearer father in my love” Edmund HUGS him, and he’s startled at first but half-returns it (and probably thinking about how he can Use this) (and then cornwall/edmund/regan happens, shhh)

Like Daniel Rabin’s Reynaldo, his Cornwall is very Watchful, just stepping back to observe what’s going on, and then quietly making his judgment before he says anything — and when he does speak he absolutely has the other person’s number.

Good commanding headtilts!

Oh, the laugh right before he uses the hook from the slaughterhouse on Gloucester is just terrifying and compelling, and he’s so turned on by this. Good for him because then he gets to die, and he’s so disgusted and vicious when saying the first servant should be thrown onto the dunghill.

Miscellaneous Moments

Lear puts his jacket on Edgar, and Kent puts her jacket on Lear, and then he immediately takes it off and puts it around Edgar’s shoulders and ties the arms together, but while he’s trying to take off his shirt too, Edgar’s already getting on the ground and letting the jackets fall off of him. Just! Jackets and touch as a form of affection!!

When Gloucester comes out to find Lear, he and Edgar see each other, and there’s just a moment where they’re frozen, Edgar terrified that his father will recognize him, and Gloucester perhaps feeling there’s something familiar about this madman but having no idea what.

While Gloucester is telling Kent about how he had a son he loved who betrayed him, Lear and Edgar are in the background sharing a long hug that almost feels like a beautiful dance! It was such a striking moment, I loved it sooo much.

the HUG with Edmund and Cornwall!! Not over it, never over it.

when Cornwall tells Edmund to leave with Goneril, he gives Goneril his jacket and she’s just quietly surprised and pleased, and it’s cute, and I want her to be happy!!

[crazynekochan]

Okay, I have an idea for a AU. It comes based on how, aside from the pretty factor, we never really get to see Junko use her Ultimate Gyaru Talent in her plans. I was inspired by hearing about the Amekaji or 'American Casual' subculture of Gyaru and thinking "hey, yknow who this style reminds me of? Kazuichi" A quick reference to some samples before I get into my idea:

(Please excuse the fact that I didn't crop the screenshots)

Anyway- in this AU, I wanted to use how we all wanted Junko to manipulate the Remnants into following her and Kazuichi's trust issues. Junko, finding his talent to be one of the most immediately useful of the class and him to be one of the most easily manipulated and emotion driven of the class, decides to become his best friend! It starts slow, her beginning to hang out with him after classes and eventually during lunch, constant compliments, telling him what he wants to hear, comforting him when he trusts her enough to open up about his issues with trust. Soon enough, she's wormed her way into his circle, becoming his closest friend. He reveals that he didn't chose his appearance for his own happiness but for his image and she pounces. She insists that she can give him a glow-up- give him a partial overhaul. Help him with the god awful layering in his hair, maybe even make Sonia like him (or Gundham, depending on whether or not he has realized his feelings for him/given up on his crush on her if he has one at the start of this au). This is where the Amekaji Gyaru part comes in, she pretty much turns him into one. The way the class gets introduced to this style change is by Chisa coming by to round up Kazuichi when he doesn't come back after lunch. This is an approximation of what I think she would do on such short notice. (He was meant to have an expression but I gave up on that front on the sketch to have an easier go at designing his clothes without obstruction or scruntiching). Oh yeah, it's an Omegaverse AU btw, because I am predictable and pathetic lol.

I kinda want to make a fic with this and I'm planning on using Gundham's POV because he already likes Kazuichi before Junko began sinking her claws into him and he wound be concerned and conflicted from the get go. Because while Junko is very much using Kazuichi (though they don't catch onto that aspect right away), she's boosting his confidence. He's happy to have a best friend who cares about him seemingly unconditionally. But they also realise that he's becoming obsessive in a way that she's certainly not discouraging. He's always talking about her, texting her, hanging out with her, he even picks up some of her traits. At one point someone (Fuyuhiko most likely) would comment along the lines of "what are you in love with her or something" and Kazuichi would respond with something like "oh of course not! Junko deserves much more than me!" Or something equally self-deprecating and out of character like that. It's not healthy.

He would voluntarily watch the brainwashing video with Mikan (like in the Siren AU), believing that Junko just wanted to show him something cool. He would despair at the betrayal, since the despairs are aware enough to realise things like that. If he contracts the Remembrance disease, he would probably go for the convincing Ibuki into suicide route like in the Siren AU, for the opportunity to watch the despair. I love the idea of having an active despair in the cast and with this AU, instead of him just continuing to be devoted to Junko like in the Siren AU, I wanted him to actually come around as a Despair to Hope because of the others. Hajime is there now, he would've begun to be friends with Kazuichi and continue after Kaz remembers and he, being the good boy that Hajime is, actually treats Kazuichi like a real friend should. He didn't get to become close to Fuyuhiko before Junko got to him so he also becomes friends with him. Also, of course, Soudam happens. I'd imagine that they would make him come around enough to rebuke the Junko AI in the end.

Kazuichi definitely would feel guilty as hell when this is all said and done, however, the class would also feel guilty for letting him fall into Junko's clutches too. Also, the greater trauma of him knowing that his second best friend after the one in middle school pulled the same shit but worse? 👌👌👌. I have other sketches of them hat I plan to colour, so I'll be back. I'll link you the fic once I write it. Tell me what you think about this, please! Spare no thought! Oh yeah, I'm mentally calling this the Gyaru AU

---

Mod: It will never stop being huge wasted potential that Junko didn’t manipulate all the Remnants by using their trauma and weaknesses, and specifically chose them for their useful talents like it was implied in the game, and instead just went with them being chosen at random because they were Ryota’s classmates

Having Kazuichi be Junko’s first victim is perfect, because with his talent he is super useful to her and can easily make her unstoppable the moment she has him under her control. And with his trust issues and straight up need to have a friend in his life he would be an easy target for someone like Junko, who can very quickly play him like a fiddle. Let him vent to her, tell him what he wants to hear, give him confidence and then put him into his place so that he becomes her loyal dog who sees her like some god who will do anything to please her, just like Mikan did. Until she then finally breaks him by betraying him like his best friend did in the past. The pain must be so unbearable for the poor guy. I feel really bad for him, but at this point the brainwashing is already in place sadly, so he will just get some high from being used and betrayed all over again and again

Kazuichi going through the simulation way past getting infected and having all of his memories must be such a trip. Because he has to pretend like nothing is amiss while everything else is going on and make sure that no one notices his change in character (Which could be hard for him to do, since he doesn’t seem like a good actor) I could even see him during the last trial to try and push the others into doing the wrong choice until they manage to make him believe in hope again and having trust in his friends that they will not betray him ever. Which must be so hard for him to believe after being lied to so many times by people he trusted blindly, where Junko even made him and the others do such horrendous things. But it wouldn’t be DR if hope doesn’t win in the end and everyone manages to have a future

Though the most hurtful part must be seeing everything from Gundham’s POV, because he is stuck with having to watch how Junko is getting close to Kaz. Which is at first of course a nice thing on the outside, but when Kaz starts getting seriously degrading about himself it’s really getting concerning but it’s already too late. Even more painful for Gundham when he might have had a bad feeling about the “friendship” but has pushed it onto him probably just being jealous or something and as such never intervened when he really should’ve done so, because then all of this could’ve been avoided where Kaz was turned into a pupped who got to build the most brutal killing machines imaginable for Junko’s absolute insane plan of creating a world of despair. When the truth comes to light he would be feeling such immense guilt over not having seen the signs and came to help Kaz when he still had the chance (Could be even something Junko could use against Gundham, both back at HPA and in the last trial if he’s still alive at that time in the AU)

Also the artwork of Kaz after his makeover looks sooo good! He is beyond cute and it mixes so well his actual nerdy aesthetic he had before with something more fun and colourful (quite literally) ♥♥

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Shu Sakamaki (Story 14 + CG)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too!

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Shu: Ngh!

Kino: You know you can’t win with a brute force approach, right? Ha!

*Kino throws dagger*

Shu: Nn… ! I’ll make sure to fully deal with you exactly that way then.

Monologue

Kino-kun has been magnificently defending himself against Shu-san’s raised sword, and the space he created while doing so was used for him to counterattack with another dagger.

However, Shu-san was luckily able to step outside the danger zone Kino-kun’s attack created.

While I watch both of them fight, I secretly pray for them to stop, and yet none of both sides shows any sign of giving up.

Place: Scarlet mansion — Living room

Kino: Kch… you’re unexpectedly good… but how will you dodge this one!?

*Kino throws another one*

Shu: Your movements are monotony.

Yui: (Good, he avoided another attack… !) 

Kino: Don’t act so full of yourself. Just because you’ve been sleeping everyday, you shouldn’t act so surplus with your strength...

Shu: Seems as if you’re slowly getting anxious. You mustn’t be good at proofing your strength, are you?

Yui: (Both of them seem to have equal strength, but they also seem to slowly run out of breath…)

(However, I still know Shu-san has at least some superiority. If he continues to fight in this state… !)

Kino: Tch… he’s really unexpectedly strong...

…That’s it. I think I came up with a good idea.

Yui: (Eh… Kino-kun… why is he looking over here now?)

Shu: ...Don’t tell me

Kino: I’ll make sure to take the most important thing from you first then!

*Kino throws dagger*

Yui: Kyaaa!?

(The dagger is flying right over here!!)

Reiji: Damn it!

Shu: Fuck!

*Shu protects Yui*

Shu: Are you alright… ?

Yui: Shu-san… !

Kino: Fufu… that’s no good. You make it even easier for your rival to get a chance!

*Kino throws another dagger*

Shu: Ngh… !

Yui: Shu-san!

Kino: Fufu… you still don’t have enough? I’ll deal with your wretched self until you can only crawl then! 

*Kino throws two more*

Shu: Aghh!

Yui: Ahh, stop!

*blood drops*

Shu: Don’t… worry… it just cut the side… of my arm a little...

Yui: ...Nn! You’re obviously lying to me… Nn, you’re also clearly losing a lot of blood right now… !

Kino: Yes, Yes. And you even were close enough to finally receive your highly wished checkmate!

*Kino throws two more*

Reiji: Kch… !

Yui: Reiji-san…

Reiji: I am terribly sorry, I can barely protect you with my hand already being at its limit. I do not know whether or not I can repel them all...

As we are right now, we are the same as hostages. This place is now completely under his control, it allows Kino to aim for us at any point.

Yui: Nn, then the inside of this room is—

Kino: Have you considered escaping from here? If you’d like to get covered in a concentrated fire of daggers, why don’t you try it?

Yui: ….. ! You’re playing an incredible unfair game!

Kino: Whether it’s unfair or not, I wouldn’t want someone to cause a disadvantage with protecting another, while the others are on the wage of war.

It’s not difficult to understand that your brothers are merely hindrances for yourself now too, you should be aware of that by now, huh?

Shu: ...They’re a hindrance? Don’t be stupid...

I’m only here to fight you, for the sake of protecting those guys!

*Shu stabs Kino*

Kino: Aghh!

Yui: (He caught up to the distance Kino-kun created in an instant… !)

Kino: Ngh, how dare you do this...

Shu: You can’t only win with your pathetic sword technique. Even if I’m simile to a hostage that you can damage,

You should give up on clinging onto those useless delusions about being the successor to this old man’s powers.

Kino: Useless… ? What has been useless about it!?

What does a blessed person, who naturally has everything in his life, understand about any of this anyway… !?

You, who always had sheltered upbringing, and never experienced disgrace put over yourself!!

*Kino activates something*

Shu: Nn… !

Yui: W-What’s that!?

(Some sort of semi-transparent light is surrending Shu-san’s position)

*Shu falls over*

Shu: Ngh… you… what did you surround me with… Nn

Kino: This has been created by the church, it’s a magic spell that summons a talisman to catch a vampire while being chased.

Once a vampire is confined within this power, he’ll lose the strength to move.

I’ve been saving this in case of an emergency, since it’s limited to only be used once.

Shu: Why are you even possessing this sort of thing to begin with...

Kino: Who knows? This shouldn’t be worth worrying about now anyway, right?

Even if you try struggling with this magical spell on you, you won’t be able to pass through this barrier until a certain amount of time has passed.

Right now you’re as unable to move as a dartboard getting hit with darts!

*Kino throws dagger*

Shu: Aghh!!

Yui: No, stop it! Shu-san!

Reiji: Shu!

Shu: Nn… don’t come closer, Reiji!

That guy just waits to be able to aim for you as well… so don’t move an inch from over there.

Reiji: Kch… but!

Kino: Look, Look, I wonder how many you can take? I won’t allow you to die so easily on me, ha!

*Kino throws another one*

Shu: Ah… !

Yui: No! Stop it!!

(Shu-san’s whole body is completely stained with his own blood already… he’ll be killed if things continue to go like this!)

Ayato: That guy… why is he so desperately fighting, while also risking his life to protect us… ? 

We’re enemies, and yet this shit doesn’t make sense.

Yui: ...Because you’re siblings...

Ayato: Hah?

Yui: I know you argue with each other every now and then, and I’m also aware of all the things that have happened in the past to you.

*Yui starts crying*

Yui: But, still… even if not all of you are related by blood, you’re still siblings...

Shu-san doesn’t want to lose anyone who's dear to him anymore… ! 

Ayato: ...What are you crying for now… ?

Subaru: Siblings that aren’t related by blood...

*weird sound*

Subaru: Ngh, kch… !

Yui: (Eh… ?)

*weird sound*

Ayato: Fuck… ! What’s this… Nn

Reiji: What is the matter with them!?

Yui: Now that you say it, everyone is… ! 

Shu: Shit… this barrier… sucks…

*Shu tries moving*

Shu: Ngh…

Kino: Hahaha! Must be awful to have no control over your body, but serves you right!

C’mon, will you be even more worn out when I send another dagger flying your way? I wonder if you’re able to avoid it this time!

*Kino throws another dagger*

Shu: Aghh…

Yui: Shu-san!!

(If this continues, Shu-san will…)

(I don’t want… I don’t want to see Shu-san get any more injuries than he already has… !)

Kino-kun… ! Stop this already!

Kino: You want me to stop at the most fun part of this all?

Moreover, it’s useless screaming. It already has been settled that this guy has lost this game.

You can’t do anything else other than stay silent, and continue to watch the show.

Choices

1) We won’t give in yet (white)♡♡♡

2) Please stop this (black)

— We won’t give in yet♡

Yui: This hasn’t come to an end yet...

Shu-san would never lose to anyone who only plays this sort of dirty tricks… !

Shu: ….. !

Kino: No matter how much of an idiot you are, can’t you see that I’m the winner of this?

Now that I’ve brought down Shu, I can finally become the king… I can finally become his successor. And I won’t let any of you be a hindrance in my way any longer.

Yui: That’s not true! I know Shu-san would never lose to someone like you. I know because he promised it to me...

That’s why I’ll keep believing in Shu-san, even if it’s until the very end… !

— Please stop this

Yui: Please stop this! If things are continuing as they’re now, he’ll die!

Reiji: Wait!

*Reiji grabs Yui*

Reiji: Did you forget the promise you have made with Shu?

Yui: Reiji-san…

(That’s right… I promised to believe in Shu-san, even if it has to be until the very end)

Shu-san… !

I still believe in you being able to win this, Shu-san!

Shu: Ahh… Thank you.

end Choices

Kino: Aren’t you sick of not being able to stop that farce by now? It’s really starting to annoy me.

I’ll make sure to crush your hope and aspiration all together then. You’ll witness all of it before your own eyes.

*Kino pulls another dagger*

Yui: (Nn, another dagger… Shu-san, please avoid it!)

Shu: Tch…

Reiji: No way… he cannot possibly stand up in his current condition… !

Yui: Such...

Kino: Now, let’s officially get rid of this pitiable appearance right in front of everyone!

???: Stop it!!

Yui: Eh…

Kino: Huh… ? Just now, who?

Ayato: Finally snap out of it already. You can’t just do whatever pleases you...

Shu: Ayato… ?

Ayato: What are you doing, man!? Hurry and get up!

Bastard, what sort of an elder brother acts as if his self-importance is worth being thrown away even after hearing this!!

Yui: ...Huh…

Shu: You remembered… 

Yui: A-Are you sure?

Ayato: I sure am! When I saw that dull guy during the time I was worn out, it came together in my head...

I honestly got no idea about what’s going on or whatsoever. But even if I don’t, I seriously won’t forgive you if you lose!

Hey, Shu! Stop pitying yourself already, that’s an order!!

Shu: Ayato...

Kanato: That’s right, I’m very much close to losing my patience too. Didn’t we all refuse to come to this place to begin with?

Although Reiji was the one arranging this plan, why is it that such a thing happened… how unforgivable.

Laito: I at first thought skipping this sort of event, may end up being enjoyable. But I don’t feel like taking part in this game anymore.

Come on, big brother. Do your best for the sake of your younger brothers, okay?

Shu: Kanato… Laito…

Subaru: You haven’t lost as long as you didn’t die! Get yourself together and beat him! Shu!!

Shu: Subaru…

Yui: Did everyone… finally remember… ?

Reiji: It appears as if seeing Shu desperately fight in front of their eyes, triggered something that successfully brought their memories back.

That’s sincerely why he is an unpleasant person to me. That person must have fascinated the others with being so determined to its goal.

I sincerely get fed up thinking how I, myself… am no equal match to this man.

Shu: Fufu… those guys… 

Kino: Why… their memories shouldn’t return back to themselves this easily, but yet they still managed to remember.

♡ Roses ♡

Shu’s shoulder: Seems as if I’m still the eldest son, no matter how much I’ve messed up so far. 

Shu’s sword: I've not been defeated yet, so there’s no need to make such anxious expressions. Just keep staying behind me, even if anything unpredictable happens.

Shu: It’s strange. But maybe this is the true strength that lies between the siblings’ bond? 

Kino: ...Ngh. This gives me the creeps… and yet, I won’t let you have your way!

Shu: If so, I’ll tell you something. I’ll bring you down in order to proof something to you.

— I’ll prove that this fight between siblings is over. And I’ll be the one ending it.

[anemonenemerosa]

The Spare Chapter 8

Hello fellow people,

the next one.

At first thank you all for reading and supporting me! It really means a lot!

Secondly: this chapter gets dark. So please stay safe. TW for metntal struggles, self-harm and alcohol abuse.

The SW-verse belongs to the lovely @lumosinlove​ and the HP characters to JKR.

Chapter 8

Regulus had always prided himself with his poker face. He could fool anyone… except his mother. She knew he was sitting on something huge and kept pestering him as soon he stepped into the dining room. Despite his mother’s elaborate and well-practiced interrogation methods, he kept his mouth shut. I know your methods, mother but this time I won't give in.

On the other hand, Walburga knew Regulus, too. She knew exactly how to push his buttons but before he could crack, the interview went online and wreaked havoc over the house. It was bad but luckily, in a twisted sense, also bad enough so his mother would suspect this to be his secret, not his brother’s sexuality. For now, he was off this particular hook and had time to bury his secret too deep for anybody to find.

Sirius texted after leaving this morning "Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." Please call me back.

Regulus couldn't. Firstly, he was sure that Sirius hated him now. And justified as it was, he couldn’t hear the prove of it in his brother’s voice. Secondly, the explosion of Walburga and Orion’s wrath, that Regulus fell victim to, left him with the very first black eye his father ever gave him and the promise of his mother to never leave him unsupervised again.

 Now, Sirius has to share this special category of their mother with me...

Every of his steps would be watched now, every word he wanted to say conformed to her liking first. Besides, even if he was brave enough to call, his phone was still spied. Due to his new status, he was watched too closely sneak out and get himself a secret one. Also, Sirius had his people to care and comfort him. He did not need him.

I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? Once again, Regulus chided himself for keeping his head too deep inside his own ass.

He was aware, that the interview most likely hurt his brother deeply and how remorseful Regulus felt about that now, it was the intention. He also expected his parent’s disapproval, to put it in mild words, but what he forgot to consider was the reaction of the media and public. His brother was beloved and not known for the unfair game Regulus accused him of. While the hurting part probably worked out, the Snakes, but especially Regulus, were caught in the crossfire from angry fans. The whole commotion was, of course, dutifully covered by the media, which circled the progress of events like vultures. Besides the shitstorm he evoked, Regulus really didn't expect the Death Eaters to turn their backs on him immediately. It was their idea after all.

So, the public was ripping him apart and his mother only called to check on his behaviour. Why, he did not know, given that was basically grounded. His father was too disappointed to talk to him at all and the Death Eaters resumed being indifferent towards the rookie while the second and third rank of the team gloated on his downfall. If he needed to get somewhere, Narcissa or Bellatrix kept at his side. NHL-salary was rather generous and they didn't have to work, so the women were free to accompany Regulus to everything outside practice and games, except the bathroom. Narcissa was annoyed and bored by babysitting-duty but Bellatrix seemed to enjoy tormenting Regulus.

Too cruel for her level of madness, this one.

He began wishing to talk to his brother even he would receive a lot of shit for messing up.

"Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." Please call me back. Regulus wanted. But he couldn't.

His blissful mornings of light fiction reading didn't bring him peace anymore. His focus outright refused to stay on the books. His family, the Snakes and the interview with its consequences were all over his mind, suffocating everything else. Regulus stopped talking to people. Not that he was talkative to begin with. All the people mingling with his brain in his past couldn't erase his introverted nature. But his ingrained wariness towards others developed into something resembling paranoia.

The longer he thought about how he had let himself be used by the Death Eaters for their nasty operations, the worse it got. Not for the first time, but stronger than ever, Regulus felt not just reluctance but downright refusal to take part in any of this. The spiteful antics of his family and the Snakes were complicated, exhausting and plainly atrocious.

The stupor he seemed to have been all this time ashamed him... he understood Sirius a little better now and he would really like to talk about all of this. But there was no one trustworthy around, not even Mrs. Kreacher would keep quiet if her mother urged her to speak. Slughorn, the team’s psychologist wouldn't keep shut either if Riddle decided he wanted to know what was going on. Medical confidentiality was a mere suggestion, when it came to Riddle.

                                                    -oOo-

Christmas drew closer and with it came all the things Regulus deeply despised: Cheesy music and decorations, ridiculous sweaters, forced cheerfulness, glitter and lots and lots of people. People in every place, at every time; there was just no escape.

This gets worse every year, Regulus had trouble to stifle his grumbling while he shuffled through the overcrowded mall Narcissa had dragged him into for Christmas shopping.

 Where do all these people stay the rest of the year? Is there a special place they are kept just to be unleashed come December? What is even the use of all that cheap nonsense people throw at each other under the glorified piece of vegetation?

Disgruntled as he was, he had to admit that this hell, specifically designed for him, kept him a little distracted from the upheaval in his brain. Fans and media got bored by Regulus lack of response to the interview and stopped caring somewhere along the increasing lunacy that was the Holiday season.

At least they leave the tea in peace. Regulus eyed the menu in front of him with narrow eyes. Is there even a coffee-like beverage left that is not a sugary winter-themed concoction? Wasn't the pumpkin-spice thing enough? Narcissa needed a break and a "coffee", so they stood in the line of whatever type of coffee-shop chain while Regulus' arms were hung with heaps of shopping bags, contemplating to dig himself a grave in his mother’s garden instead.

                                                   -oOo-

The call for All Star with Severus boosted his mood for a while. Rookies rarely got the opportunity to participate and he knew he earned it. He was good enough. But of course, the last rookie to make it to Allstar was Sirius, who else, so again it was nothing worth mentioning at home, barely acceptable. But apparently, it was sufficient to placate his parents back to speaking terms.

The Snakes Christmas-party was just as awful as Regulus had anticipated. He was just informed that Sirius would stay in Gryffindor over the holidays. Not that he could blame him but it stung a little. He just really hoped to be able to finally talk to him but couldn't call on an unmonitored phone as his cousins' watch on him did not subside. He wished he could've stayed at home but it was made clear that his was definitely not an option. Regulus dislikes parties any given day. Disliked polite but meaningless small talk, having to feed on tiny bits of food while standing around and wearing evening attire. The prospect of this party, Regulus didn't dislike. This one, he dreaded. Since Thanksgiving and its aftermath, he distrusted most of the Snakes and avoided any contact outside of practice and while he was talking again to his parents, the trust was gone.

"No ifs ands or buts about it! You go!" Narcissa all but dragged him to the Lestrange Estate, where the party took place.

Orion and Walburga were there, too but mingling around with some important and influential people. Probably collecting more information for their pathetic little feuds. As much as he liked sitting in a theatre balcony like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show, taking the piss out of people, this was getting too far to be considered amusing. Also, there was a reason why Statler and Waldorf were a duo.  While never given the opportunity, Regulus suspected that taking the piss off people was more fun together.

The evening went on and the absurd blend of silly games and subtle interrogation subsided into pathetic cockalorum, open hostility and unpleasant jokes as everyone except him got drunker by the minute.

Crabbe and Goyle were the first to succumb into adolescence, reshaping the Christmas pudding into a rather unbalanced pair of -Breasts? Buttocks? A lone scrotum? - while giggling uncontrollably. The same fate awaited about half of the food as the evening went on. The dubious card-game Yaxley and Mulciber were invested with two nameless guys of the third line seemed to change rules by the minute. It came to a sudden halt as Yaxley jumped from his seat and stormed over to Nott, accusing him of flirting with his wife and throwing a badly aimed punch that send a high-priced vase flying instead of crashing into Notts nose. Yaxley’s "wife" was de facto Carrow’s sister while Yaxley’s actual wife was tucked in a different corner, passionately snogging Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus' younger brother.

Amidst that ruckus, Dolohov threw up into the glogg bowl.

Regulus leaned against the kitchen counter, decidedly far away from the commotion and stared in disbelief. People... He gave an exasperated huff and allowed himself an actual eyeroll, not just a mental one.

The Death Eaters kept up a bit more dignity. They exclusively stayed in their group, sipping what looked like more expensive booze. Orion was immersed in a conversation with Riddle, Umbridge, Karkaroff and... one of the NHL governors -Fudge? -. Regulus eyebrows went up. Interesting. But no, he would not snoop. He was done with this shit. Much to Regulus´, and judging by his father’s looks, also Orion’s surprise, Narcissa, Bellatrix and his mother showed a lot self-restrain. They mingled with a flock of other hockey wives and it took uncharacteristically long for them -Crabbe, Nott and Mulciber were already passed out, Goyle and Yaxley were close- to cackle and gossip as loudly as at Regulus' draft-party.

Rabastan and Yaxley’s wife were nowhere to be seen and Regulus thought it was rather beneficial that her husband was out cold.

By now, also the -oh so sophisticated- Death Eaters started to act out. Lucius was bickering with Carrow while Macnair drew lopsided phalli on Goyle’s and Crabbe’s faces and a crooked moustache on the bridge of Yaxley’s nose. Close, though.

Severus coaxed Bellatrix out of Walburga’s cutches and started flirting blatantly. Rodolphus watched the scenery with mild interest.

Around the time when one should keep a careful eye on what was on the floor while walking, Regulus snatched himself a piece of the last cake-shaped cake. He was tired and in a sour mood while stabbing at the unsuspecting and innocent slice. Irritated, he thought about his brother, who probably had a lot of fun. While somewhat happy for him, the envy and feeling of abandonment would just not leave, as much as he tried.

Surely, Remus is fucking Sirius' brain out by now.

Regulus' eyes widened.

Did I just say that out loud? His head snapped up, Bella and Severus staring at him, frozen in their tacks. Oh no. Oh no no no nonono! Merde! Shit! Shit shit shit!

But almost instantly the woman doubled over and sputtered vomit all over a very, very drunk Severus, who swore loudly but was unable to wobble away quick enough. Regulus sidestepped the next flood of her sick and excused himself. It was late enough to leave without gaining suspicion. On the way back to Malfoy Manor, he prayed to every deity whose existence he resolutely doubted, that Severus and Bellatrix were too drunk to remember come tomorrow. He considered confessing the maybe/maybe-not slip to his brother. But the call would be noticed and if Severus and Bellatrix indeed forgot about the slip, he would just urge on their memory. Also, his brother would be furious with him and if he ever wanted to make amends with him, wasn't it unwise to piss him off entirely without knowing that it was necessary?

The next days, Regulus was uncharacteristically jumpy. At dinners, he just pushed food around his plate, dreading the things that were to come. But nothing happened. Christmas came around and nothing happened. New Year’s Eve was two days ago, still nothing. If they remembered, I would surely know it by now. Maybe I did not commit the biggest fuck-up of my life.

                                                    -oOo-

After hiding out in his childhood room until the All Star-only practices began, Regulus felt somewhat steady. He had arranged himself with the new circumstances, his revised moral-code and set of minds. His life was unsatisfactory and lonely. He was not happy but it was bearable. Practice went well enough. On ice, he could zone-out. What happened in his life was not of importance in the rink. Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition. His mantra made it through his mental refurbishment untouched.

What he thought off the ice was written on another sheet of paper.

At of the last All Star-only practices, shit went straight down to hell. The Death Eaters, filling up for Regulus and Severus to practice certain tricks, were in very good spirits. Regulus felt uneasy at the sight of them, huddled together and sneering. Then, he saw it. He looks happy, in love. His brain supplied while looking at the photos before it caught up. The caption, the comments. Regulus went numb, froze on the spot, barely realising he stopped breathing. Things seemed to happen around him but he wasn't part of reality anymore and only snippets penetrated whatever fog surrounded him.

"Thanks for the hint. I finally got the worthless faggot." Severus smirked and threw him an overexaggerated wink while turning to his stall.

His mother called, she was clearly drunk and kept ranting about the shame of Sirius' abnormity gone public and how furious their father was. He didn't bother to really listen but was certain there were no words of support for his brother or concerns about Sirius' feelings. Sirius, who was thrown into the most hateful part of the internet, who just wanted to play hockey and love who he loved, now having his private life on display for the public to rip apart. Their parents, apparently, did not know who let it slip but Regulus was sure, if they ever found out, he was in for more than a black eye.

He desperately wanted to reverse time, make it unhappen but he knew that this was not an option. This was reality.

I messed up. Everything. Je suis désolé mon frère... I am so sorry brother The typical sarcasm and snark usually accompanying Regulus thoughts were long gone.

Mumbling something about extra laps, he turned back to the rink. Nobody said something, nobody came after him. They did not care and that was just what he needed. He ran laps until he was barely able to stay upright, head swimming, thoughts racing around but impossible to grasp, the weight on his chest suffocating. In the shower, Regulus collapsed on the floor. Sitting on the cold tiles, he was breathing hard as remorse, fear and shame mingled together to an unbearable sort of pain. Tears were running down his face, breath only coming in hard chopped sobs.

 Weak - disappointing – undeserving of affection - a meagre replacement, just a spare - not good enough - not fast enough - not strong enough - not worthy – unlovable.

These words kept spiralling in his head as he shoved his hands into his hair and pulled hard. His eyes fell on a shattered bottle beside him. Regulus was desperate to make his brain focus on something else, anything to make it stop. He grabbed the bottleneck and rammed the busted end into his thigh. Regulus did not feel the pain. Everything went blank as he watched the blood pour out of his leg and mix with the water on the floor, shower still running.

The silence brought some peace but something Regulus could not grasp felt off as he continued to watch his blood run down his thigh.