#but does the show know he’s also committed the sin of just being annoying? which is worse

[actualhumancryptid]

I’ve reached that point in my Mad Men rewatch where I want to drown Don Draper in a shallow puddle. His grasp on his fragile ego is so tenuous and I just want to see him drown in a foot of water on a mildly rainy day,

It’s not helped that I have since read various things about Matthew Weiner and how he fancied himself as Don, tried to replicate the womanising and various lecherous behaviours. And so I’m just seeing this very handsome actor walking around like his sad pathetic avatar. It’s Joss Whedon and his self-inserts all over again. Except less self-aware somehow.

I read that Jon Hamm couldn’t stand Don by the end, I wonder if that’s true.

[mrzombielover]

- slow ride ch1

feat. sinner!adam x fem!hotel worker!reader

series masterlist | next chapter

warnings: NSFW, enemies to fuckbuddies, adam and reader both suck, unhealthy relationships, size kink oooops, light degradation

a/n: oh my god this is so self indulgent. something is fr wrong with me bc all my favorite men are irrevocably fucked up and toxic and emotionally damaged and would treat me like shit teehee

wc: 2.2k

“You took my shame and you took my pride / And now you gonna take me for a slowride”

When even Charlie is trepidatious about checking someone in to the hotel, you know they’ve fucked up bad.

Adam had shown up, tail between his legs, admitting something about how he’s “desperate enough to try anything,” even this “stupid delusional humiliating hotel.”

Charlie, who’s more like an angel than Adam ever was, had ultimately decided that he could stay. After a lengthy and heated discussion, she’d reminded the group that the hotel’s policy states that everyone deserves a chance at redemption, regardless of the sins they’ve committed. Considering he killed your friend, you thought that was bullshit, but it’s Charlie’s hotel at the end of the day, and you’re just along for the ride.

You like Charlie, which is why you put up with having Adam around. She’s a good person- genuinely, deep down. There’s no hidden motives in her actions. You’ve not met many good people in your life, so she’s won your respect, even if you have your doubts about the hotel’s premise.

But for as much as you love her, you briefly questioned her sanity when she asked you to keep a special eye on Adam.

“…and how exactly is that the job of treasury secretary?” You deadpan.

“Wellll…” Charlie trails off, looking away for a moment. “It isn’t really. Buuut what if I was asking as a favor, for your friend?” She clasps her hands together, giving you a smile. You have to avert your eyes from the hopeful look on her face before your resolve cracks.

“No way in hell,” You say quickly.

“Please!”

“No,”

“Pleaseee!”

You bite your lip as you think. He’s obnoxious, yes, but what’s really the worst that could happen? You close your eyes and sigh.

“…you owe me one,”

You regret accepting every day. Nobody got along with Adam. Well, nobody except for Nifty, who seemed thrilled to have a real bad boy staying in the hotel. You, however, got along with him the least of all.

For someone who’d come to the hotel in his time of need- who was in no position to ask for anything other than forgiveness- Adam sure has a smartass mouth. It seems Charlie just wants to give you a brain aneurysm, that’s why she gave you this job. Even if that wasn’t her goal, that’s certainly the stage you’re approaching, because fighting with Adam everyday is 100% going to make you pop a blood vessel.

You can’t help it. Something about him- the way he acts, the forced proximity, just gets under your skin, makes your eye twitch. He should be groveling, begging for forgiveness, putting his heart and soul into bettering himself, yet all he does is bitch and moan. Constantly complaining would be one thing, hell’s full of whiners, but he also feels the need to voice every thought he’s ever had, which often includes insults and snide remarks about those around him. You’ve never been one to take that shit- though, nobody at the hotel really does. It seems to be much worse with you two, specifically, though.

The problem comes in because, as much as you hate to admit it, you might sometimes occasionally have some things in common with him. No, you’re not quite as loud or crude or obnoxious, you don’t generally insult people for fun, but if someone deserves it?

You’ve tore into people for way less than murdering your friend, showing up on your doorstep and being a pain in your ass 24/7, especially if you’re in a particularly shitty mood. Reduced people to tears for mildly inconveniencing you, having an annoying voice, wasting food, etc etc… all of which Adam does.

Generally, you’re apathetic to what goes on around you, especially at the hotel. You’re fed, don’t have to pay rent, and can pretty much do whatever you want, so dealing with the annoying, traumatized, dramatic residents and staff is a fair trade off in your eyes. Adam should, in theory, be no different than the rest of them to you. So you cannot, for the life of you, figure out what about him makes him so much worse than the rest.

You just try not to think about him as much as possible. But when you ignore him, he just seems to get worse.

“Jesus, you don’t think it’s a bit early to start drinking?”

You mentally groan as you hear his voice, avoiding eye contact as you crack open the bottle.

“I mean, Isn’t this shithole supposed to be for rehabilitation?” You can practically hear the smirk in his voice as he opens the fridge.

“Why don’t you focus on your own rehab first, dick? Been weeks now and you’re still an asshole,” You snap, before taking a swig of your beer. He shrugs, grabbing the orange juice from the fridge and placing it on the counter. He walks past where you’re leaning on the counter to get a glass.

“I mean, damn, you didn’t even try today, huh?”He laughs.

“Why are you pickin’ a fight with me right now?” You raise your voice a little, exasperated and too hungover to deal with this.

“oh, uh, i dunno… i’m bored?” He shrugs again, looking over to you with a self satisfied smile. You groan in frustration, then sigh, forcing yourself to keep it together.

“…and you wonder why your wives left you,” you mumble with a roll your eyes, turning to quickly leave the kitchen. you don’t see his face, but judging from the sound of a crash and footsteps quickly following you into the hallway, you hit a nerve. oh, god, here we go…

“you fucking junkie bitch!” he yells after you as you stomp up the stairs.

“you’re proving my point right now!” you say over your shoulder.

“Like you have room to talk? Let’s bring up your love life, huh?!”

“oh my god shut up!” Angel yells through the door as you pass his room. “Every fuckin’ morning with you two!”

Adam ignores him, continuing to rant as he follows closely behind you, every degrading name he can think of spilling from his lips.

“…fucking whore cunt- whose not even fucking listening to me!” he says as you turn into your room. you turn, attempting to slam the door, but he sticks his foot in the gap and grabs the door, shoving it back open.

“what in the fuck is your problem today?!” you yell.

“it’s you, bitch!”

“oh my god- how do you care about anything this much? Seriously, it’s not that deep!”

you jump a little as he suddenly slaps the beer bottle out of your hands, the glass shattering loudly and the leftover beer soaking your socks. your jaw drops, outraged, and you can’t help the reflex to reach up and smack the side of his head.

“ow!” he yelps, and you raise your fists to hit him again, when-

“you- fucking bitch-!” he shouts. you cry out in surprise as he grabs your wrists and yanks you with surprising ease, shoving you roughly into the wall behind you.

theres a struggle, both grunting with the strain of pushing against each other as Adam wrestles to keep the upper hand. You go to knee him, but he moves quicker, slotting one of his legs between your own and pressing his body against yours to pin you completely against the wall.

then, something changes. he pauses, the close proximity seems to have finally registered in his brain. his eyes widen and you pause too, both panting, faces inches apart. his grip loosens, and a flicker of confusion crosses his features.

“wait, what’s-“

“shut up,” you snap suddenly. before you even realize what you’re doing, your hands are on his chest, and you’re shoving him towards your bed.

“take off your shirt,” you command as the back of his knees hit the mattress and he’s falling backwards. he quickly does as you say, looking up at you with wide eyes as you straddle him and rip your own shirt off as well. he mumbles a nice when he sees you’re not wearing a bra. you reach to tug off the sweatpants you had on, and as soon as you can kick them away Adam’s hands are on your waist and flipping you over. He hurriedly rips off the rest of his clothes before he’s back on you, leaning down to eagerly press kisses down your neck. you have to tilt your head to make room for the horns now permanently attached to his head, and you think of the irony of this situation.

the sound of fabric ripping followed immediately by two of his fingers finding your clit makes you gasp. you bite back a whimper as he begins to rub rough and sloppy circles on your clit. the pleasure doesn’t last long before he’s pulling his hand back, only to shove a finger inside your cunt quickly, and you gasp again. being so unprepared, the stretch burns a bit. fuck, has he always had such big hands? he’s gentle at first, as he works the single finger in and out of you, and once the pain subsides, he quickly adds a second one.

“Oh, fuck,” you can’t help the curse that slips past your lips, and before long you’re rocking your hips against his hand. his movements are rushed and sloppy, impatient as he stretches you out. he chuckles dryly, and you shoot him a glare.

once again, before long, he’s pulling away, and grabbing you by the shoulders to make you sit up with him. you whine involuntarily at the loss of contact, and the cocky bastard laughs again.

“So impatient, babe,” He grins.

“Shut up,” You say again, pushing him so that he’s sitting up against the bed frame. You crawl over to him, and straddle his lap. His hands find your ass, groping it roughly while you grab the base of his cock and align the tip with your entrance.

You both gasp in unison when you swiftly lower yourself to take his full length. A strangled moan escapes from your lips and you let your head fall forward to rest on his shoulder. Eyes squeezed shut, you wait so you can adjust to his size. Seriously, how had you never noticed how big he was before now? Prematurely, Adam angles his hips and suddenly thrusts up into you, making you cry out in pain and pleasure.

“Oh you like that, bitch? Huh?” He says teasingly, running his hands up and down your back before moving his hips again.

“You have seriously got to learn to be quiet,” You retort through gritted teeth, reaching up to pull his hair from the roots. He lets out a groan, followed by a more pathetic whine as you begin to move on his length.

It must be all the pent up emotion, because you’re very quickly unable to speak beyond a few curses and wanton moans. Adam however, can’t seem to stop talking. Mumbling about how good you feel- for a whore, how he didn’t think you’d be so tight, how you’re so fucking sexy he wishes he’d done this sooner.

“Ugh, Adam- shut up!” You groan as you move desperately. He whines as you pull his hair again for emphasis, biting his lip as you feel his hips snap up into yours.

“Oh, god-“ You’re squealing, back arching as you can feel your whole body tense. You’re on top, but as you grow more limp, he’s holding you upright as he roughly fucks into you. “I’m close!” You warn, and it comes out a strangled sob.

You’re so, so close. Euphoria clouds your brain, and collapse onto him as he continues to hold you up to thrust into you.

You fall backwards, and Adam follows, caging you underneath him as he chases his own release now.

“oh- fuck- don’t stop!” You’re practically screaming as your orgasm crashes over you, and you wrap your arms around and claw at Adam desperately, fingernails leaving marks on his fleshy back. You only faintly register the breathless laugh he lets out at your state as he now pounds into you.

He slams into you with an intensity that forces the air out of your lungs, and even Adam can’t form thoughts or speak anymore.

“Oh, fu-uuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” He can’t believe the noises that are coming from him, but he also can’t find it in himself to care when you feel this good. You’re so sensitive, and still tight from your previous climax, and he can feel your pulse in the walls of your cunt as you clench around him.

Pleasure quickly turns to overstimulation, and you moan his name again, reaching up to pull at his hair, horns, wings, anything, as tears begin to prick at your eyes. Hearing you moan his name, seeing the look on your face, knowing he’s the one doing this to you is what he needed to send him over the edge.

“o-oh my god-“ he groans, hips stuttering as he presses his body as close to yours as possible, spilling his cum deeply inside of you with an actual moan.

He stays still for a moment, both of your breathing labored, sweat making your hair stick to your foreheads and necks, but you stay holding eachother. While both your brains are still fuzzy, thoughts muddled from the aftershocks, he takes a hand up and wipes your hair away from your face, and the tears from your eyes.

Eventually, he sits up and pulls out of you, rolling over to lay next to you on the bed. Neither of you say anything, too fucked out to think of the repercussions from your actions.

[gojos-thot-patrol]

hiiii i learned your name Aiden!!! How are you? Hallow i’m the sugu angst anon, sadly not asking for angst because poor sugu need a break and i love him so much so he deserves the whole world, i wanna thank you for writing my requests 🫶

and if you wanna consider 👀 perhaps an au where sugu didn’t spiral into the whole monkeys thing and so he is a teacher just like satoru? and he’s dating reader whose also a teacher, and they’re in a secret relationship that got revealed and gojo feels betrayed LMAO, anddd that’s all, hope you’re doing great! 🫶

Angsty Anon, how are you!? I love your requests, it's always a pleasure to write for you 💙💙 and yeah, I'm Aiden! I'm only now realizing I've never properly introduced myself on here, so, I guess this is my official introduction lol. And of course, I would love to consider Sugu as a teacher, that's so cute!

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Starring Suguru Geto, in a slightly softer world.

Have you ever heard of the multiverse theory? It gets switched around and misinterpreted a lot, but the basic premise of it is that for every possible outcome, there is a universe that follows it. So, for example, if you're on a walk one morning, and come across a fork in the road, you may choose the left path. When you do this, another universe is created in which you choose the right path, and yet another still where you didn't go on any walk at all.

As such, this implies that there are some fundamental truths across all universes. Every universe you encounter will have stars in the sky, and a force of gravity will keep everyone down. You won't find a universe where atoms aren't the building blocks of life. You won't find a universe that doesn't have a sun in its center. And you won't find a universe where Suguru Geto is a morning person. 

He all but yells into his pillow as his alarm sounds off at 5:45 AM. He considers violence, a possible war crime against his phone for committing the egregious sin of waking him up before the sun is even up. He considers aggressively turning the alarm off and going back to sleep, letting the world continue on without him as he becomes one with his comforter. 

And in the end he does none of it. He turns his alarm off like a normal person, and forces himself out of bed at the truly ungodly hour of 5:45 AM. Why you ask? Because class starts at 7 AM, and the kids he teaches are relying on him to show up and be a model jujutsu sorcerer, just like they are for all of the other teachers at Jujutsu High. And just as it is a fundamental truth that Suguru Geto is not a morning person, it's a fundamental truth that he would do absolutely anything for those he loves. And Suguru loves all of those kids, even if they can get a little annoying at times. 

He’s falling asleep while brushing his teeth when he gets his first text of the day from you. A short and sweet “Good morning sweetie 💜” to give him the motivation to push through his morning routine. 

He sends “Good morning to you too Darling 🖤” to you while smiling, finishing up brushing his teeth before mentally preparing himself for the arctic plunge of a shower he’s about to take to finish waking himself up. 

Once he’s dressed and as awake as he’s going to be at 6:00 AM, he goes to check on Nanako and Mimiko out of habit. Of course, he finds their shared room empty, considering they moved into the dorms a week ago when school started. 

“Right.” He grumbled to himself, shaking his head. At this point, it feels like he’ll never get used to them not being around. He wondered how Satoru adapted so quickly when Megumi moved into the dorms. Then again, Satoru seemed to be made for adaptation, meanwhile, Suguru had always struggled more with change. 

Before he could get too lost in his thoughts, A car horn blared through the quiet suburb. “What is he-?!” Suguru snapped at the air before rushing outside and into his friends car.

“What the hell are you doing Satoru?!” He asked, suddenly very awake.

“Letting you know I’m here.” Gojo smiled as he pulled out of Sugurus drive way and onto the road.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but could you not have just texted me?” Suguru grumbled, “You’re going to wake up the entire neighborhood!”

“My phones dead.” Satoru shrugged. He had a habit of passing out while scrolling tik tok and forgetting to put his phone on the charger. 

“And I suppose knocking on my door was out of the question?” Suguru asked. Gojo clearly did not see the issue with violating air pollution laws, and it was starting to irk him.

“In the rain? No way dude!” He laughed. It was at this point Geto looked out the window. Well shit, it was raining. He was so focused on just getting to the car he managed to miss it. 

“It’s like, barely raining.” He argued with his friend. The white haired main beside him just shrugged.

“Hey man, you’re lucky I give you a ride at all,” Gojo reminded him, “I could just teleport to school.” Suguru would have tried to argue with that, but he knew better than to enter an argument on the losing side. He just sighed and shook his head.

“Whatever man….thanks for the ride.” He added at the end.

“You’re welcome!” Gojo smiled. Suguru sighed as he got comfortable in the seat, leaning against the window. The main reason he got rides from Gojo was so he could take a nap on the way to the school. It was a long drive, and the thirty minutes he spent passed out in Gojos car went a long way to making him not an asshole to his class in the morning. It felt like his eyes had been closed for all of two seconds before Satrou was waking him up, letting him know they had made it to their destination. 

“Good morning Geto, good morning Gojo!” You greeted the men as they joined you in the teachers lounge. Suguru smiled warmly when he saw your face, familiar and bright, even at 6:30 in the morning. 

“Good morning L/n.” Geto yawned as he rushed to the coffee pot in the room, still half full.

“Morning L/n!” Satoru beamed as he sat next to you. Normally, the three of you were on a first name basis, but a professional setting calls for professional dialect. “So, you two do anything fun on your weekend?” Gojo asked. Geto looked at you from the corner of his eyes, seeing how you handled this situation. You would have stolen a glance at him, but Gojo would have definitely noticed that.

“Eh, not much really,” You shrugged, “I went and visited my parents, and mostly just tried to catch up on reading.” That was definitely, 100% not what you were doing this weekend. In actuality, you had spent the entire weekend with Suguru. The two of you had seen a movie, checked out his favorite soba shop, and spent the vast majority of the time cuddled in his bed watching horror movies to get ready for ‘spooky season’ despite the fact in was, indeed, April. 

But you couldn’t say any of that to Gojo. You and Suguru were co-workers, your romantic relationship wasn’t just discouraged and taboo- the employee handbook strictly forbid it. As much as the two of you wanted to tell your shared best friend about the beautiful relationship you’d found, you couldn’t. Mostly cause Satoru couldn’t keep a secret to save his ass.

“Cool! What about you Suguru?” Gojo smiled as he looked to his best friend, deciding for now that professional language was for the birds.

“Eh, I mostly stayed in. I re-watched the scream movies.” He shrugged as he drank his black coffee.

“Isn’t it kinda early to be watching horror movies? Or, I guess late?” Gojo asked. 

“It is never too early for spooky movies.” You said, jumping to Getos defense maayybe just a little too quickly. Gojo raised his eyebrows at you. 

“So I see were feeling a little defensive.” He pointed out. 

“Not defensive, I’m just saying. It’s always horror movie time if you’re not a coward.”

“Hey, I-”

“Uhh, Sensei?” Itadori asked as he popped his head into the door. Immediately all attention went to him, and silently, you thanked the pink haired boy for saving your ass.

“Hey Itadori! What’s up?” Gojo asked, all smiles for his student. 

“I could really use your help with the algebra assignment from last night,” Itadori explained, “I don’t think I really grasp…well numbers.” He explained. Gojo chuckled and shook his head, but didn’t argue cause he, like Geto, knew better than to argue with the truth.

“Yeah Kid, no problem. Let’s go to the classroom.” Satoru said, getting up and letting Itadori lead the way. There was a heavy silence that filled the room after, both of you listing to Satoru’s footsteps until they vanished. Once they were gone, you both let out a deep breath.

“Well that could have gone worse.” Suguru chuckled softly.

“Yeah, that was my bad,” You sighed, “I swear, he looks into the littlest of things.”

“That’s Satoru.” Suguru confirmed with a nod, “Always suspicious of something. Somethings never change.” He shrugged. You looked around, making sure the coast we clear before standing up to give Suguru a quick hug. 

“Ain’t that the truth.” You chuckled. Suguru smiled as he held you close, his mind wondering off to the other things that never seemed to change. The school, sorcerer society as a whole, the way he felt for you- even all the way back in high school. He had a crush on you even before you saved him, and it only intensified after.

Of course, as far as you’re concerned you didn’t save anyone that day in the graveyard. You just talked some sense into an old friend. You would never know just how close to the edge Suguru was that day. How could you? All you knew was that his faith was shaken, and he needed some reassurance. 

He could still go back to that afternoon in his mind like replaying a movie. He could still see the gray skies of fall, heavy with dark clouds. He could still smell the rain water and grave dirt hanging in the air. And could still sense the confusion he felt when you brought him to your best friends grave. He had never met the girl, she had died to a curse long before you enrolled in Jujutsu High. So why were you bringing him here now?

“This is where my friend lies,” You explained to him what he already knew. “It’s been a few years now, but I still think of her every day.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Y/n.” He said the only think he knew to say.

“Suguru, why are you a Jujutsu Sorcerer?” You asked, suddenly looking at him with overly intense eyes that made him feel so small. Why did he was he a Jujutsu Sorcerer? He didn’t fucking know! Especially not anymore. He used to know. But, he lost that direction. After Riko died. After Haibara died. He didn’t know what the point to any of this was anymore.

“Why are you a Jujutsu Sorcerer?” He asked back, not so smoothly dodging the question. You just pointed at the grave.

“For her. And for you, and for Riko and Haibara. For everyone I have loved and will love, I do it to protect them.” You explained it as if it was just that easy. And maybe it was. For you.

“How are we protecting them exactly?” He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion, “Please, tell me just how exactly we protected Riko and Haibara?” He questioned.

“We protect them in death.” You shrugged, “Honor what they would have wanted. Do you really think Riko would want you to waste the life she so desperately wanted because of her death? Do you think Haibara would have wanted you to throw away all of your potential because some higher ups fucked him over? Or do you think they would want you to live your life to the fullest, and work hard to see that potential fulfilled?”

“I think they would want us to fight for a fundamental change in the system. For a world without curses.” 

“Suguru, you and I both know that’s not possible.”

“But it is,” He argued, saying things out loud he had only thought up until now, “Humans are the only ones to produce curses, you know.”

“So what? You’re just going to kill all humans?” You scoffed at the absurdity of the idea, and he genuinely felt a little embarrassed. “What would that fix?”

“Well, there would be no curses, for one.” He pointed out.

“And what would that achieve?”

“We wouldn’t have to watch our friends and family die at the hands of disgusting curses!” He argued, frustrated that you couldn’t see his vision.

“No, we would just have to watch them die at the hands of other sorcerers, right?” You pointed out. “A world without curses doesn’t fix the cruelty that created them. Curses aren’t what killed Riko, and removing them won’t bring back Haibara.”

“No, Humans killed Riko.” He could still hear that god forsaken cult, clapping away as if a little girl hadn’t just been slaughtered. No, worse. Clapping away because a little girl had just been slaughtered. It was all he could hear late at night. You sighed and nodded.

“That's true. She was killed by a human, who was raised by sorcerers.”

“So are you trying to argue that actually sorcerers are the root of all evil?”

“No Suguru, I’m trying to argue that there is no “Root of all evil.” That it’s all just beings that exist. There are bad humans, of course. Just like how there are bad sorcerers. Everything that exists exists with some good and some bad. You can’t just fix the world with one final, fucked up solution.”

“I just don’t see the point in trying to save people who historically treat us like were fucking disposable!” Suguru snapped, hating that it was starting to seem really hopeless. Were you right? Was there really nothing he could do?

“Sugu, I think you’re getting caught in the details. You’re not seeing the forest for the trees.” You sighed. “ Yes, the Star Cult was full of the most fowl people. And yeah, a lot of humans do treat us like shit. But there are just as many humans who are kind to us. Humans who see their children's cursed techniques as blessings, not curses. Humans willing to die if it means being there for the sorcerers they love and standing by them. Humans like your parents, and my best friend. Humans that are worth protecting.”

“So we have to protect them all just because a few are good?”

“Would you protect a bad person to save me?” You asked. He hadn’t really thought of it like that. It was a moral question he wasn’t ready for, and struggled to find an answer to.

“I mean, I guess I would.” He finally said. 

“Exactly. That’s kinda the point of Jujutsu Sorcery for me. It’s not to protect the world- that’s too monumental of a task even for Satoru Gojo. It’s to protect the ones I love and care for.”

“And what about when we can’t protect them?” He could feel the tears prickle as his eyes now, a stinging that demanded attention. He rubbed his eyes in a futile attempt to make it go away.

“Then I live to honor them, in a way I think would make them proud. I understand where you’re coming from. Heartache is a hell of a thing to battle, and witnessing a young death changes a person. But, continuing to perpetuate that hurt, won’t make it go away. Especially when it comes to such grandiose ideas like “kill all humans!” it doesn’t fix anything. It just hurts the people around you, both with us and departed. I mean, is slaughtering a billion strangers really worth ruining the people closest to you? The ones who love you? Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru.”

He didn’t know what to say. But that line rang in his ears. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. It drowned out the clapping in his mind. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. It played louder than Yuki telling him that humans were the only ones to create curses, and that he knew what he believed. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. And it was what was playing in his ears as he stared at two kids in a cage. Scared, alone, neglected. He felt it then, his hate rise up like bile in his throat, threatening to slaughter him. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru. Please, don’t let your hate kill you Suguru.

He took a minuet to breathe. Was killing this village really going to do anything? It would feel good, yeah- righteous even. But there were a million more like it. And he couldn’t single handedly slaughter them all. Not without hurting You, Gojo, Shoko, Riko, Haibara, and his own mother all in the process. Were a billion strangers worth the people he loved? 

“You know, if you don’t want these girls in the village, there’s a better way to handle it.” That night he adopted Nanako and Mimiko. Sure, he may not be able to save every Jujutsu Sorcerer in the world. But at least he could save these two. A few weeks later, that village burned to the dirt in a forest fire, so maybe karma was real. 

The bell ringing broke his train of thought, and snapped him back to the real world. You smiled as you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “See you at lunch!” You winked to him as you grabbed your bag and made your way to your classroom. He smiled softly as he watched you go. 

“Yeah, see you then.” He said, making his way to his own classroom. 

Suguru swore up and down his class wasn’t hard. It was classical literature, if ya just read the book, and did the assignments, he was pretty generous with the A’s. It was why conversations like this were always at least mildly amusing to him. 

“I just don’t understand why you’re being to difficult about this” Nobara argued, “It’s just a few points!”

“Nobara, rounding from a C to an A is not a few points. It’s an entire letter grade.” He gently reminded her. 

“Yeah, and what’s an entire letter grade if not just a few points?” She argued back. He sighed and rubbed his temples. Nobara had always been a forced to be reckoned with, and was always determined to get what she wanted.

“Look, Nobara, I’ll compromise with you. You know the big report we have coming up on Fires on the Plain?”

“I do.” She confirmed.

“If you do really well on it, And I mean really well, I need you to make at least an A on it- I’ll bump your grade to a B+” That was where her grade would be at anyway if she made an A on the report, “Sound good?” Nobora grinned like she got away with something.

“Oh yeah, I could do that in my sleep!” She declared, and Suguru had to hold back a laugh, “You’re on Sensei!” She grinned, muttering a soft ‘sucker’ under her breath as she left the room. Once she was gone, Suguru let his chuckle out. It was always fun tricking his students into accidentally taking their studies serious. 

“Whats got you giggling?” You asked from his doorway, a small smile creeping onto your lips from the sound of his light laughter.

“Oh, nothing,” He said with a wave of his hand, “Just my students thinking they’re gaming the system by-” He pretended to check his notes- “Doing the work.”

“Let me guess, Nobara?”

“It was Nobara.” He confirmed, and you both let out a small giggle. You walked into his classroom and leaned against his desk facing him. 

“Very on brand for her. So, have you thought about dinner tonight?” You asked. He smiled and nodded, getting out of his chair to come and wrap his arms around your waist. Was it risky? Kind of, everyone was out to lunch, sure, but that didn’t mean that you two weren’t out in the open. He couldn’t help it though. Whenever you were around, he had to have his arms around you. He didn’t spend almost 6 years chasing your affections to not hold you whenever he could. 

“I have actually,” He smiled, “I thought we could cook something together tonight? I found a new pork belly recipe that seemed right up your ally.”

“Oooo, another night in! How exciting!” You giggled. And you meant it too. While to most people, a night in was a boring everyday thing, Jujutsu Sorcerers weren’t blessed with the luxury of having a night at home promised to them. They weren’t even guaranteed the simple pleasure of coming home at night. So, a night in to the two of you was fun, exciting, and unquantifiably valuable. 

“I thought you’d be excited,” He smiled lovingly at you. You look so precious in his arms. He couldn’t believe something as beautiful and pristine as you found any value in him. That you had found him worthy of the time it took to save him. Suguru wasn’t a religious man, but he thought maybe he could believe in angels if they were half as perfect as you were. He had no idea what he did to earn the right to have you as his angel, but he was so fucking happy he did it.

His swelling emotions got the better of him, and he leaned down to kiss you. A warm current flowed between the two of you, the familiar taste of cinnamon coffee filling your senses as you melted into him. He was comforting and safe, and in his embrace you were almost convinced nothing bad could ever happen. 

“OH, I KNEW IT!” Of course something bad had to happen. The two of you scrambled away from each other, looking at Gojo like two teenagers that had been caught making out in your parents car. It was actually embarrassing. “I KNEW YOU TWO HAD A THING!”

“Satoru, It’s not what it looks like!” You panicked.

“Yeah, It’s not like that, Y/n just…had something on her face! I was wiping it off.”

“With your mouth!?” Gojo scoffed.

“...Yes?” Someone, take away Suguru’s lying privileges. Your face hit your plam at the lame lie, and Gojo rolled his eyes.

“I’d asked if you guys thought I was dumb, but clearly you do! Why would you keep this from me?” He all but whined as he fully entered the classroom.

“Well Satoru, it’s…well..” You tried to think of something to save his feelings.

“There are celebrity tabloids better at keeping secrets than you Satoru.” Nevermind Suguru, go back to lying.

“Hey, that’s not true!” Satoru said on his own defense, “When Shoko started smoking again I kept that secret!”

“Shoko started smoking again?” You gasped.

“...fuck.” Satoru whispered. 

“See Satoru! That’s what we mean.” Suguru sighed, seeing his job flash before his eyes. 

“It’s still not cool!” Gojo pouted, “My two closest friends in the entire world fall in love and they won’t even tell me! No wonder you guys haven’t wanted to hang out on the weekends. You’ve been together, haven’t you!?” You and Suguru looked down in shame. Maybe it wasn’t exactly fair to keep him completely out of the loop. 

“Do you guys hate me?” Gojo asked, the betrayal he felt seeping into his voice. 

“No, Satoru, we love you!” You assured him.

“You’re our best friend, of course we love you!” Suguru confirmed, “We just also like being able to pay rent!”

“Paying rent is so important!” You nodded. 

“I wouldn’t tell anyone!” Satoru insisted, “I would never do anything to put your livelihoods at risk! I thought you guys would have known that.” He pouted. 

“We do know that,” You sighed.

“Do we?” Suguru whispered, just for you to swiftly pat him to remind him to behave.

“We were just being cautious. I’m sorry we hurt your feelings Satoru.” You apologized as you went to your wounded friend, patting his back for comfort. Suguru joined you on his other side.

“Yeah man, I’m sorry. We’ll try and keep you in the loop about more things, okay?” Suguru promised. Satoru sniffled and nodded. 

“Okay…I forgive you guys.” He said, looking up and smiling at the two of you. “So when do I get to come to date night?”

[melishade]

In the Menace timeline, I like the idea of Optimus playing dumb so he can get away with stuff. Like, if he's ever nice to an Eldian and a Marley tried to explain to him why he can't do that, he'd be all like, "But these are humans. What? Devils? What's a devil? Them? But they look and behave just like any other human. Their ancestors? But aren't humans born sinless and therefore have nothing to be ashamed of until a sin is actually committed? Hu. What a world this is." And it's not like anyone can really stop him from being friends with Eldians since he's a giant metal man from beyond the stars. Optimus would totally be, for now, at least, both a blessing and a curse.

Previous Episode of the Chaos Timeline

Marleyans: You can't just treat the Eldians like humans! They're devils.

Optimus: Well now I'm just going to treat them like humans even harder.

Literally, if anyone can get through to the brainwashed Eldians, it's Optimus.

So first indication of this alliance having a chance at working is Optimus talking to Willy, and they seem to hit it off after the first meeting when everyone else is at each other's throats. They do continue to talk and try to think of ways to come to a compromise, but Optimus quickly picks up on how the Eldians are treated by the Marleyans, both on his side and on their side. Optimus decides to ask Willy why the Eldians are treated horribly but he and Lara are treated with respect. He knows the answer, but wants to hear the answer from Willy to find out if he's lying. Willy explains what's been released to the public, that the Tyburs sided with Helos to end the Eldian Empire, which is why they're held in high regard. But Optimus is aware that Willy is hiding something but just doesn't answer on it.

Regardless, the treatment of the Eldians is not going to stand. Not while the Marleyans are on the island. So Optimus starts off small. Besides training the Warriors, He will do simple things like say hello to the Eldians, who quickly leave in fear and conditioning of the island devils. He'll offer to help them out with certain tasks, but they quickly say that they don't need it.

Optimus realizes that this will be more difficult than he thought. But he does come up with something that would beckon the ears of Marleyans and Eldians: himself and his stories. He's certain the Marleyans would want to know about him and his weaknesses. So as a offering for a break, he calls the Survey Corps over to tell them war stories, making sure that the Marleyans and Eldians hear about. Optimus gets the Survey Corps around a bonfire and tells them about his battles on Earth. And the Survey Corps are able to listen and forget their worries, even for a little while. And Optimus also notices the Eldians from Marley listening in, specifically the Warrior Cadets. Gabi thought that it would be a good idea to sneak around and gather intel to improve their standing with Marley, and the other three were dragged along for the ride.

Optimus still offers his help to the other Eldian soldiers whenever he can. However he can still hear the hushed whispers of Marleyans calling him a demon, wondering why the hell he was helping the Eldians, or something along the lines of "of course its a demon showing them compassion'. It's annoying to Optimus. But he now notices the Warrior Cadets following him around. He tries to say 'hello' but they quickly run off. The Survey Corps quickly notice how Optimus and start making bets on how quickly Optimus can win them over, because they need the support. It isn't until one of the Eldian soldiers is actually injured in an accident caused by a Marleyan that changes the Eldians' tune. Instead of the Marleyans helping and laughing at their misfortune, Optimus quickly rushes to their aid and take them to the infirmary, which stuns everyone on the side of the Marleyans, Eldians and Marleyans. Once Optimus is sure that the Eldian will make a full recovery, he's confronted by the Warrior Cadets, and they demand to know why he's been so nice to them.

"Do I need a particular reason?" Optimus asked.

"Well you're a devil! You're not supposed to be kind!" Gabi pointed at Optimus.

"Gabi!" Udo exclaimed.

"Well then, if a devil is not supposed to be kind, and I am being kind to you, does that really mean that I am a devil?" Optimus challenged her.

Causes Gabi to quickly shut up.

But after that particular incident there's been a particular change in tune with the Eldians relationship with Optimus. The Eldians have become more responsive to Optimus' interactions. It's more positive. The Marleyans don't like it and quickly try to remind the Eldians of their place. They're too scared to confront Optimus about it because he's a giant metal titan, so they take their anger and fear out on the next best thing. Optimus sees this, has enough, confronts Magath and Willy about it, and then exposes the truth about Karl Fritz because he figured it out during his spare time.

And because Optimus exposes them, it creates a divide within the Marleyan army and many Eldians seek out Optimus' protection because he's the only one that they can trust. Then Calvi tries to pull his stunt and that's a whole other thing going on. But Optimus' kindness is able to win the Eldians over.

(Fairly short. TBH. There's a lot more stuff that I could discuss with this, but maybe for another day. My internet's going to be out starting tomorrow. You can leave asks in my inbox, it just might take time to get to them.)

[goldentigerfestival]

Made myself a little collective list of some favorite screenshots from the JP version of Vesperia along with some stray thoughts along the way. This post is part of my "the dub changed this stuff" post group, but I've separated these scenes as more of personal "I love these little scenes" scenes versus actual plot scenes that got altered.

I've also posted video clips of my favorite scenes and heavy changes, so consider those a supplement to this and vice versa.

My preference of the JP version also isn't just because of translation, but also the wording tone and vocal tone. I find it more fun/appealing/emotional/etc.

Part 1.

Part 2.

Part 3.

Part 4.

This dunk on Flynn is everything to me (as in, Flynn does taste test... it just doesn't save anyone else).

I swear that was the exact moment Yuri's "may have to adopt this child, gotta test it" radar turned on.

Mind you Yuri is also a lonely depressed mess and you can't even pry that from my cold dead hands. Karol slipping up right there was aaaall Yuri needed to protect that boy.

Also posted this in video form because the way Flynn uses the exact same term (abandon) that Yuri used in the prison just gets me. Don doesn't even know Yuri used that wording before and Flynn says it anyway. Don doesn't know Yuri used that wording and Yuri doesn't even hear Flynn say this, but Flynn uses the exact term anyway. It's literally his way of saying to Yuri without telling him directly, "I would not abandon you".

This one wasn't really changed in the dub, but I don't feel like making a video just for this. Basically I just love the way Toriumi made him sound so sleepy-annoyed, and then when he stands up he sounds tired-annoyed, like, I am so sick of this guy tired.

I just think. this is adorable.

"How about you try knocking?" " 'Kay."

I love the way this is phrased. He has so much faith in Yuri and knows if Yuri was in the knights that he could do so much. Like, not just, you could do this. Just. If it's you, then...

I just LOVE the delivery here.

You could also translate this as Yuri saying it's a mess here/Flynn looks like a mess.

i lov heem.

(Changed in the dub to "Y'know, I've never been good at taking orders". Not the same energy to me LOL)

I don't actually remember what this was in the dub but I love this scene because of Yuri's reaction to what Raven said. Raven wasn't with them in Heliord when all that happened, implying to Yuri he was there though. But why? Why would he be in Heliord? Yes, we know Schwann was, but Raven never showed his face to them there. Yuri getting another accidental tip off that Raven is in fact very fishy for really real!

Not an important change on the dub's end, but I like this version more because it kind of shows how far gone Zagi is. Obviously the blastia is not defying him and has no will of its own, but ye boi isn't really worried about that!

Again, not really important, but the dub changed this to "the kids are alright", which is one of the very very very few changes I prefer. It adds to his character, whereas this is just good ol' Raven. It doesn't take away from anything and does actually show that he's rooting for them in a way (in a joking way since they're all in the desert and y'all know how he acts at this part). The dub comes across more as trying to alleviate Yuri of some of the burden by telling him the others are okay and implying not to worry so much.

That said, obviously I don't like when they change things and I do like the line he uses in the dub, but I'm not sure why they changed it...?

Just Raven being a silly little guy!

An interesting thing to note is that you can interpret this both as "a crime" and as "a sin". Basically, you could say Yuri's committed the act of a sinner, rather than just plainly saying they're crimes. Yuri follows up using the same word, which can be seen as admitting he believes he's committed acts of a sinner (so not just that murder is a crime, but that it's a sin and that he's a sinner for it).

Adds a bit more depth to how Yuri views himself/his actions imo, while Flynn is currently still in his "law is black and white" phase - something that is part of Flynn's own character arc and growth that he learns from and changes from.

A fun thing to also note is that Link, the gacha game, had a Yuri unit sporting the title "Sin Bearer", which fits perfectly in line with this and was likely a direct reference to this (note that it doesn't use "crime" in the title, but "sin", something that also relates back to Yuri in the gacha game Crestoria).

(Basically, the term used here is literally "tsumi", which can be used to mean both and in Yuri's case can be used interchangeably while meaning both at the same time. He's committed a crime and is a sinner because of it - though as mentioned above, Namco seems to prefer the continuation of the "sin" side of it in other official Yuri content)

Full scene is here, but I just wanted to talk about this one particular part of the delivery.

Flynn's tone is very soft. He's literally just wondering where Yuri already disappeared to, and the anger in his voice is completely gone. It's pretty interesting to me because it almost feels like him confronting Yuri at the very end of the argument was like a formality as a knight, and him just being worked up about the law.

As soon as he switches his mindset and tone back to talking to Sodia about the barricade, it's like the tension in his mind was switched off and he's already lost the pressure of the moment. It actually almost sounds innocent, as if wondering why Yuri walked away. Obviously we can determine why Yuri walked away, but in a way here with Flynn, it actually almost sounds like he's confused. The dub had it be more of "oh, where'd he go", but to me the original delivery sounds genuinely confused about why he took off.

I obviously can't confirm what the intention was behind the delivery in this case without literally asking the JP director lol which tough shit because we know that's never gonna happen, but it almost feels like some crazy degree of Flynn's own internal/mental struggles.

Sort of like, wanting to uphold the law but still trying to be a friend to Yuri and having trouble because he can't separate the two from himself (i.e. yes he wants to uphold the law but not at Yuri's expense and is thus affected by bias. Obviously I can't confirm if just the way he says Yuri's name in this scene is an indicator that he's confused and it's causing his black and white view to crack, but it's an interesting thing to consider).

Just a fun tidbit that got changed in the dub. They probably figured most players wouldn't actually know what he meant here and so just changed it to what the term actually means. Basically, it means they're the ones traveling/not in their home territory and thus don't have the advantage.

i love you yuri lowell

i stan a man and we're all just gonna have to live with that.

Can also be translated as Flynn wanting to settle things with the him who believed in Alexei.

I genuinely don't even actually know what the dub uses for Flynn's line here, but I love this line so I'm including it here.

This is literally just Yuri saying "thank you, thank you", but in English then in Japanese. I love this dork.

[ritz-writes]

Shadowpeach for 1 and Sandy for 2?

Shadowpeach

When I started shipping it if I did: Probably when I first joined the fandom? I think I started shipping it pretty early on, and I watched the entire series with @skittlescripts within two days. I think I thought about it during the Macaque episode (and according to a pic i took, I watched it on Oct 7, 2022) and it probably got solidified in Shadow Play (which I watched either the same day or the next day) or during the s3 specials. So I've been shipping it fully since the second week of October 2022. Bet you weren't expecting an exact date lmao

My thoughts: I LOVE IT. I know a lot of people don't really ship it, and that's fine. It's not for everyone. But I've always loved their dynamic. ESPECIALLY with their history. Maybe that's just the angst writer in me tho

What makes me happy about them: Their bickering. Idk why, but I love the fics that have them going back and forth with no real heat in their insults. It's their love language <3

What makes me sad about them: Their history with each other. How both of them lost each others trust. How Macaque wants Wukong to hurt the way he does. How Wukong regrets what he did but doesn't know how to say it. They are both so extremely sad, and I love them for it.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Uhhhh I honestly have no idea? I've been thinking about it through the days and I just can't think of one. Maybe Macaque being purely bad? But I think that ties more into me liking soft mac and hating hurt no comfort. But idk.

Things I look for in fanfic: TEARS. FLUFF. FORGIVENESS. ANGST AND PAIN, BOTH PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL. Give me Wukong protecting Macaque without a second thought. Give me Macaque taking a hit for Wukong out of habit but not regretting it. Give me one or both of them going to MK for advice cuz they don't know how to handle their feelings. GIVE ME THE GAY MONKEYS BEING GROSSLY IN LOVE.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  Macaque - Tang. Inkypages is very cute to me and I love it Wukong - uhhh... I don't really know, actually. I don't think I ship him with anyone else? Maybe Tang as well? I'm also chill with him and Tripitaka, but only sometimes.

My happily ever after for them: They finally talk things out and move on. Macaque moves back to FFM, they both don't use their glamours anymore (at the very least not around each other) and they just live the retired life they deserve. Getting fat off fruit till the end of forever 🥺

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: I think they switch from time to time. Wukong likes being big spoon though. And I hc that Wukong runs hot and Macaque runs cold, so Mac is def little spoon during winter.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I can see them really liking just sun bathing in the grass together. Just them, the sunshine, and a slight breeze.

Sandy

How I feel about this character: I adore Sandy. I will protect him with my life. Sweet summer boy. Man? Sweet summer blue guy. I love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character:  Him and Hunstman are def my fav, but I also low-key ship Lunartides (him and Macaque) and Fishballnoodle (i think that's the name? Him, Pigsy, and Tang)

My non-romantic OTP for this character:  The Sandwich trio of course. Him, Pigsy, and Tang all went to college together and I love them.

My unpopular opinion about this character:  Uhhhh I'm not sure I have one? The only thing I can think of is that he's my last fav of the gang. Not least fav, just... if I could get merch of everyone in the gang, I'd probably end up getting his last. I DO love Sandy very very much, but I also like other character way more. (I feel like I'm committing a sin when I say that I'm sorry Sandy 😭

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: SHOW ME COLLEGE SANDY. I want to see his healing journey. I want to see him having a falling out with Tang and Pigsy. I want to see all the flashbacks!!

My OTP: SILKTEA SILKTEA SILKTEA. Huntsman is so down bad for this dude it's insane. I also think Sandly honestly didn't realize Huntsman's feelings for him at first. Idk why, but I feel like Huntsman kept trying to drop hints and Sandy was just like ":D You want more tea?" and Huntsman has to flat out say "No, I want YOU! >///<"

My cross over ship: Don't have one </3

A headcanon fact: I think there's one animal he's scared of. No idea what it is, but I feel like there is one single animal he will not go near. Probably something really obscure. Again, not a clue what it would be. But yeah. Oh, he also really likes scrap booking <3

[dontpetmeibite]

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄'𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓

Name: Ravage of Stanix (Ravage Stanixa in Neocybex)

Alias: Tolerates Rav as a nickname. Close friends may call her Ravi. In a series of poems Megatron collected under the title "The Sacrifice of Violence", he gave her the pseudonym "Parvilla" (sometimes Parvilla Dolorosa) when writing about conversations and incidents early in the war. She published her own poetry under the name "Parvilla Stanixa" in the days when a beastformer could not get anyone to publish their work openly.

Gender: Fluid. Femme-aligned and presenting in the company of those she trusts (and publicly, post war.) During the war, she did not disclose to people she didn't trust.

Age: At least 4 million.

Species: Tripredacus feliformata. Ravage and her five feliform siblings were cold-constructed experimental models called "Cougaraiders" but the majority of their CNA came from T. feliformata, an extinct Predacon subspecies.

T. feliformata naturally has a root (bipedal) and beast (quadrupedal) mode and can transform back and forth between them. "Cassette" is not a natural altmode in IDW-based verses.

During forced cassette reformatting just prior to the war, she was mode-locked as a quadruped. This has been reversed, but she has chosen to maintain the same face in both modes, although her head is more rounded in root mode and her muzzle is significantly shorter.

Zodiac: Not applicable. She wasn't born on Earth.

Abilities / Talents: 1. Ravage used to wear attention deflectors because she believed that they helped her, but she's an Outlier and she doesn't actually need them--although they do help when dealing with non-sapient passive detection systems. She has the native ability to deflect or command the attention of other sapient beings. However, this can work against her in situations where she intellectually knows she should hide or should call attention to herself, but internally wants to do the reverse.

2. T. feliformata's natural operating system was designed to function best in low light and they can all naturally see well into the infrared spectrum. They are also easily blinded by bright blue light, particularly if they do not have the chance to deploy their nictating lenses that shut it out. All Tripredacus subspecies have enhanced senses of smell and taste due to a complete set of vomeronasal sensors in their neural net. This can be distracting for them. Additionally, T. feliformata models have enhanced proprioceptive and interoceptive sensory systems, making them exquisitely agile, with superior senses of balance and three-dimensional space. This permits them to leap, jump, and climb with great efficiency and ease and allows them to land safely from falls. Much of what they perceive is difficult to explain in Neocybex as the language lacks words for these concepts.

Alignment: Chaotic good, but she can tie herself in mental knots regarding the politics or morality of a complex situation (particularly if Megatron helps) and has therefore committed a few fairly horrific acts that at the time, she believed to be in the service of creating a world that would be more just and more honest and true.

Religion: It annoys Soundwave, but she believes that Solus Prime has protected her during some of the more dangerous times of her life. She "secretly" maintains a devotion to Solara Creatrix.

Sins: Ravage is not a Christian. Being a feliformer, she could be accused of sloth (she does like to sleep a lot) and lust (cougaraiders, as a rule, like sex). She is extremely proud and rarely shows weakness in the presence of people she does not trust. She has a tendency to hide her pain and injuries and pretend that everything is just fine, but her closest companion is a telepath so it doesn't work on him very well.

Virtues: Her primary virtue is not on the list of Christian virtues. It is loyalty. (This should not be confused with chastity.) She is kind by nature and inclined to help people who need it which is why she and Soundwave together have an incredibly large family and workforce of mecha who don't tend to fit in with other people well. She thinks she is not very patient or charitable, but the person who knows her best, who is also a telepath, would disagree with this assessment.

Languages: Neocybex, Urayagi, a smattering of Primal Vernacular. She knows several non-Cybertronian languages also, particularly English and Spanish.

Family: depends on verse, but here's the general setup, which is based on @cleverthylacine's Voice of Stanix fics (I'm @cleverthylacine btw.)

Creche-sibs, feline: Pounce, Glit, Howlback, Nightstalker (deceased), Stripes (estranged).

Creche-sibs, avian: Laserbeak (work partner), Buzzsaw, Wingspan, Squawktalk, Garboil, Sundor (not to be confused with Sunder).

Amica endura: Usually Megatron (they are often amica benefica).

Conjunx endura: Usually Soundwave, occasionally Megatron in verses where Soundwave is dead, disappeared, or in RPs where he is being played by someone else who isn't into it. Generally she and Soundwave have a full spark bond (quantum entanglement between sparks, can feel each other's pain at a distance, death of one will damage the other). Many people think that they are monogamous, but with the exception of spark-merging -- they only do that with each other -- and particular muse/muse scenarios/verses -- they generally aren't.

While this is not the case in Voice of Stanix, she is sometimes the mother of Rumble and Frenzy in RP-verses. There is at least one RP verse where she and Megatron have a daughter named Frostbyte who is a feline tankformer but this is someone else's OC. The children she and Soundwave have later in VoS don't generally appear in RP outside of a VoS AU I do with someone who has been reading my fics IRL.

Important! She is not Soundwave's parent and he is not hers.

Ravage and Soundwave were both very young adults when they met in the Dead End of Rodion. (In VoS proper, and in Shattered Glass, they had a previous acquaintanceship where they met when they were both minors; she achieved majority a few years before he did.)

Friends: In RP this varies depending upon what verse she's in and the way other people are playing these characters. I uh, absolutely do not expect to have this relationship between her and your particular muses in any RP.

Close friends/occasional lovers or ex-lovers: Megatron (amica benefica lol), Skywarp (occasional fuckbuddy), Dirge (ex, ended painfully), Nautica (during/after Lost Light, also Nautica ends up being HER pet) or Jazz (when he's involved with Soundwave as in late VoS timelines).

Close very very very extremely platonic friends: Siblings Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Howlback, Glit. Her best buddy Misfire. (Ravage and Misfire are the best most hilarious disaster friends.) Sometimes Grimlock, if he's involved with her sister Howlback. Silvermist of Vos (an OC)--the mother of her VoS daughter Viridian's best friend, seekerlet Silverwing.

(ETA: A special note for Drift! Drift and Ravage were young together in Rodion and made out more than once but never went 'all the way'. Ravage and Deadlock were close friends and occasional lovers. After the end of the war, Drift and Ravage are still close friends, but the relationship is completely platonic because he's married to Ratchet, who has always been a father figure to Ravage.)

Sexual Orientation: Yes. (poly/pansexual).

Relationship Status: depends on verse, but she's usually married to Soundwave and it's usually something of an open relationship except that she won't spark-merge with anyone else but him. She is occasionally married to both Soundwave and Megatron, or both Soundwave and Jazz. There are some RPs in which she's been in a closed relationship with Megatron because he is a lot more inclined to jealousy than she is.

Libido: sex goddess / very high / high / average / low / very low / non-existent (this is in part because I HC her that way and in part because I'm 8000% done with people in this fandom who don't understand that beastformers fuck and it's not bestiality because they have brains)

Appearance/Build: A sleeker/more feminised version of BW Ravage crossed with a version of IDW Ravage that transforms between biped and quadruped. She is black and silver with red optics and red/IR biolights.

If she's using a human holoform she's usually small in build and either quite curvy or waifish, depending upon her needs/the situation. She is also usually black (either African or South Asian depending).

She also has a melanistic serval holoform and a large black domestic cat holoform as these come in handy sometimes.

Human Holoform Hair: Black, curly and short or braided and long.

Human Holoform Eyes: Dark brown, dark purple or gold.

Human Holoform Skin: Dark brown.

Height: Bipedal, 22 feet; Quadrupedal, 7 feet; Human Holoform: between 4'11" and 5'4", depending.

Weight: The human holoform looks like it's probably in the vicinity of 90-110 pounds. Ravage's actual weight is approximately 1 metric fucktonne of giant metal cat.

Scars: She's had a few frame refits and tends to have them removed. It's not that she's not proud of what she's survived, but she'd rather people not know where she has been injured before and has weak spots, kthx.

Facial Features: Feline. Pretty. Although she has been a spy and can control this when she's thinking about controlling it, her vibrissae (face feeler whiskers) and ears are very expressive most of the time. If you or your muse know feline body language, it's wise to pay attention.

Tattoos: Nothing other than the Deceptibrand. She's in special ops. Ink makes it easier for people to identify you.

Dogs or Cats? Seriously?

Birds or Hamsters? Birds look like Laserbeak and Buzzsaw, whom she loves. Hamsters look like an organic version of food. Ravage likes food but she doesn't make friends with it.

Red or Blue? Red

Yellow or Green? Yellow

Black or White? Black

Coffee or Tea? Soundwave's coolant fizzes or that thing Swerve made her that he likes to call "Sixteen Candles"

Ice Cream or Cake? Oil cakes are nice but energon gel pastilles are her favourite.

Fruits or Vegetables? Have you confused me with my food? This is what my food eats, not me.

Sandwich or Soup? Soup

Magic or Melee? How about neither and I hide in this vent or tree with a crossbow or blaster or dart gun. I'm not keen on fighting people who are usually bigger than me in melee.

Sword or Bow? Gun.

Favourite Season: Spring and Autumn, she doesn't like summer heat or snow glare much.

The Past or The Future? The future's the only one she can change.

tagged by: @aircommndr

tagging: anyone who wants to do this

[pyroclastic727]

Owl House said fuck capitalism

So this episode was interesting. Lilith pretty much killed her sister. Why the fuck would she do that?

Even more interesting: why is Belos like that? How did Hooty put his head through one of those guards? Who the fuck is the Titan, and why does everyone like him? And how are these all tied together?

This episode was a metaphor for capitalism

...and another delicious step towards radicalizing the youth into dismantling this fucked-up neo-feudal system.

We’ll start with Belos. 

Emperor Belos is a weird name, don’t you think? We all thought it was spelled “Bellows,” but it wasn’t. In fact, it’s five letters, starts with Be, ends with os, and describes a megalomaniac emperor that restricts people’s freedom in order to accumulate wealth for himself.

Sound familiar?

Emperor Bezos Belos created capitalism. He saw the beauty of magic and decided to make himself the most powerful.

Belos created a system that destroys the masses and boosts his power.

 I’m dipping into fan theory a little, because the fan theory fits. We know that people get branded with coven magic that makes it so they can only specialize in one area. We know that Belos is the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles. We know that the excess magic, magic created by restrictions, has to go somewhere.

It’s the same system that many viewers see all the time. A job takes up all your day and tires you for the night, so you can only do one skill for the rest of your life. Jeff Bezos is the most powerful man in the United States. Excess money, money taken by restrictions, has to go somewhere.

The magic goes to Belos, like how the money goes to Bezos. Belos created capitalism, and he won it.

The guards aren’t real. 

Look, we’ve never seen their faces. They’re all the same. Why would you work so hard to get to the top, just to become a nameless, faceless killing machine?

Oh, also Hooty stuck his face through one. There is nothing under the armor.

Why? Well, it’s the same reason you see all those celebrities going around flaunting their wealth and bragging about how hard they worked. Like all those songs about how they grind every day and work harder than everyone else while you’re out clubbing, and that makes them dope. And then you take a closer look at them and see that they had a small loan of a million dollars fueling them, or an entire talent agency behind them, or their dad was a famous country star in the 80′s. 

They’re fake. They’re hollow. They’re a ploy created by the capitalist emperor to try to delude you into working harder. 

Let me put this into perspective. I guarantee that every single one of you has heard stuff like this: “Hard work makes you successful.” “I put in the work, and that’s why I’m successful.” “If you work hard enough, then you can be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg.” 

And unless you’re a robot or really lucky, I’m sure all of you have failed at this. Maybe they told you that hard work would make you good at math, so you spent 22 hours a week working on calculus, only to pass it by 3 percentage points and have it destroy your perfect 4.0 GPA. Maybe they told you that if you talked to people enough, then you would make friends, so you spent a lot of time talking to people, only to end up lonely and friendless. Maybe they told you that if you did well in school, you would get a good job, so you spent all your time working hard to be a good student, and then ended up in a soulless, dead-end job.

The guards are there to delude you. Look, who really gains from you being productive? The answer is the ruling class, the CEOs, the government, the bourgeoisie. It has always been that. All you get from working is a paycheck that lets you survive. They get a paycheck that lets them get rich. Just like Belos gets the magic and productivity of the specialized coven witches.

The guards are there to trick you. The truth is that nobody can join the Emperor’s Coven. It’s just there to make you think that hard work will make you successful. Then you spend your entire life working hard, trying to prove to the person in charge that you’re worthwhile. You give your whole life to the Coven, and they give you nothing. 

Magic is supposed to be something you pursue for fun. Being skilled at things, being good at something beautiful...that’s supposed to be something you do because you want to. But they took that and made it into a source of productivity. It doesn’t matter if you make good content. All people fucking care about is if you upload the day of premiere, if you make a lot of content quickly, if you maintain a million different conversations with strangers who expect you to be the most interesting person in the room. They don’t care how it hurts you. They don’t care how you crack from the stress. How you cry when you think no one can see you, and then you check your phone and someone can see you, someone did see you, and you have to put on your face and be the charming, magnetic person they want you to be. (oh by the way that’s why I wasn’t online much last week)

And it ruins it. Suddenly you can’t watch The Owl House without being stressed. You can’t make any content. You can’t make spells as powerfully as you want to. Your passion is replaced by perfectionism and insecurity, a voice telling you to keep being the best at what you do, or else they’ll forget you and let you die.

There’s also the Titan. 

So nobody has mentioned him before, because in addition to the Boiling Isles being a hellscape full of witchcraft and queerness, it’s also full of atheists. 

But suddenly we have people saying all this shit about him? Shit like, he gave witches the gift of magic, and then they learned to use it in a civilized manner, since being uncivilized was disrespectful?

I mean, first off, that’s fucking wrong. The island gives people magic. The island, which just so happened to be shaped like a titan-sized human. But the island/titan gives everyone all types of magic. Hell, even Luz gets to use magic, and she’s human. 

It sounds really fucking familiar. (tw for discussion of homophobia and colonialism and misogyny). It sounds like when the news is on and they show some Tr*mp supporter talking about how fetuses have more rights than people and it is their holy duty to take away a woman’s control over her body and force her through unbearable pain and into an 18-year commitment she didn’t want to make. It sounds like all the times people tried to say homosexuality should be illegal, citing a single line in a book written two thousand years ago and heavily edited by a European king. It sounds like all the times people said God wanted them to conquer, to own the entire earth, to force the other races into pain to support them.

This is that bullshit thing people do where they commit awful sins and justify it by citing the will of God. 

Or, it’s the Coven using religion as an excuse for evil.

Look, the Emperor’s Coven is clearly colonizer-coded. Saying that people’s original form of magic was wild (and showing a picture with the same joyous, rowdy energy of an 18th or 19th -century Black or indigenous party), and that it was God’s will for them to be “civilized?” Sounds like that thing that powerful white people did where they went and murdered people and forced them into their twisted capitalist system. God, gold, and glory, is what they said, because history books just love to omit the gore.

Lilith is passing the abuse cycle along. 

You know, like a good little colonizer. God I fucking hate her. She’s a MILF, in the sense that she’s a Mother I’d Like to Fling off a cliff. 

Ah, enough screaming about how much I want to drown Lilith in a tub of Hooty’s mucus. Let’s go into why I want to do that, and how she took the evils of capitalism and just...adopted those.

So, Lilith is sick and twisted for what she did to her sister. But, uhh, that’s the point. You see, there are so many other people out there like Lilith who would do the exact same thing, if given the chance. These are the people who do mean things when the teacher isn’t looking, and then act nice and try to frame you. These are the people who will hate you if you’re better than them. These are people who would do anything to bring you down, if you dare outperform them.

It’s greed, my friends. The mental illness that capitalism blesses us all with.

Lilith herself said it: she dedicated her entire life to the Coven. What she wanted was to be the best. And she almost was...except for her own sister. Someone who lived with her, annoyed her at home, bested her at school. Someone she could never beat, no matter how hard she worked. And her sister was younger than her, too! How insulting was that? Lilith wanted to be the best, and someone in her exact situation did better than her.

Lilith was insecure. And it consumed her.

But why? Why does insecurity consume her? I mean, no one can be motivated by insecurity forever. Well, not unless someone conditions it into you.

The lovely thing about the capitalist system is the morals it teaches you. Things like: “You’re only useful if you’re the best.” “Being school smart makes you smart, while being social smart or sports smart or creative smart or fandom smart is worthless.” “Your worth can be quantified by numbers and is based off arbitrary measures like your income or your grades.” Things that can and will drive us crazy if we let ourselves believe them.

And it did drive Lilith crazy. She got so twisted by a society that said being good at magic is her only worth. Look, Lilith used to be good at things, probably. She was good at sports. At times, she slips up and does an okay job of being Eda’s sister. She has a powerful presence when she’s in a room. And she’s wicked good at manipulating people. 

But that didn’t matter. Lilith bought into the lies. She let herself believe that magical skill was the only way to measure her worth. And since she needed to be the best, she hurt Eda for it.

The beautiful thing is, Eda didn’t buy that. "It’s my power, kid. And before you showed up, I spent my whole life wasting it.” Is what Eda said, as she used up the last of her power, the last of her life, to save Luz. In her final moments, she proved that she’s not like them. She’s stronger than them.

None of this matters. Not magical prowess. Not the hierarchy. Not the promise of joining the Coven and having more power than anyone else.

The only thing that matters to Eda is her family. Her real family. Her Luz, King, and Hooty. And by extension, Willow, Gus, and Amity. Those are Eda’s real reason for fighting, for dying: to protect them. Look, there’s no way she would’ve come out of that fight alive. She has a family, and her love for them is stronger than greed or jealousy or capitalism. 

Lilith never understood that. She thought the water of the womb was thicker than the blood of the covenant. Or, that the water of the womb and the blood of the covenant are stronger than the bonds of found family. She thought it didn’t matter if Eda loved, her, only if the Emperor loved her. Fucking bitch.

And now, a little something to worry about, before we go. Amity Blight. The girl who wanted to join the Emperor’s Coven more than anything, who dedicated her whole life to doing well in school, to being the best, to being perfect.

And then she met Luz. She fell for Luz. Now she’s in a tricky place, where habit and conditioning want her to join the Emperor’s Coven, but her heart wants her to do the impossible and destroy capitalism.

She wasn’t in this episode. Funny that being injured and unable to work ended up saving her from watching her future mother-in-law die. So she bought some time.

But Luz’s true mom is dead. This is the second mom she has lost, and she’s only fourteen. As powerful as King and Hooty are, Luz needs Amity. Luz needs Amity to support her and help her get back her mom.

So Amity has to make a choice. Fear and insecurity, or love and a high chance of death? 

She’ll probably choose death. Because that’s the message that this family-friendly show is giving us kids. Fuck capitalism. All you need in life is to do what makes you happy and be with the ones you love.

[nerdygaymormon]

uhhhh david have you gotten the liahona yet bc idk how to feel about an article i found in there yesterday. it was pretty comforting and basic, but did use ssa the whole time. BUT the youth one was pretty crappy, it used ssa to the max and gave no real hope, was pretty bland and annoying about oh itll be find just believe and jesus and get hatecrimed <3 i would like to hear your thoughts on it, its the first time ive seen any queer topics in church magazines

Thanks for bringing these to my attention.

"Same-sex attraction" (SSA) is the preferred term of Church leaders. They say it's a way of not making it your identity, that this isn't part of who I am but rather is something I'm dealing with. In other words, people "have" same-sex attraction, not that they "are" gay or lesbian or bi.

There have been a few leaks from behind-the-scenes where the apostles say they use "same-sex attraction" because it's the term that people like least. People like it less that same-gender attraction or gay/lesbian. SSA includes the word "sex" and I guess the idea is it gets people to think of sexual acts and feel queasy.

SSA is the term normally used in Church magazines because they follow the lead of the First Presidency and apostles.

There's 3 items in the Church magazines this month about queer people! That's a lot for one month.

————————————————————

The first is a bishop talking about how to understand and include LGBT people at church. After becoming bishop, 3 sets of parents contacted him distressed that their child is gay or transgender (I note that the parents used "gay." He also mentions contacting someone who 'identifies as gay").

His first recommendation is to follow the living apostles. (which explains why the bishop uses "SSA" even though everyone else around him used "gay"). It's a good idea for a local leader to find what the current leaders are saying because it's changed. He also says to read the Church's websites titled “Same-Sex Attraction” and “Transgender.” He provides two lovely quotes from those pages about diversity at church and being loving to people who are different.

His second recommendation is to not be afraid to talk to people who identify as gay, but instead try to have love for them and then let the Spirit guide you in what to say. We're just people, it shouldn't be scary to talk to us, that shows how different he thinks we are from the other people he interacts with in his ward.

The bishop's third suggestion is to speak to people who are familiar with LGBT "issues," share your testimony, and apologize for hurtful things you say. His list of people to contact for help understanding was a little disheartening because he starts with his stake leaders, ward leaders, other bishops, and so on, actual queer people were the last people on his list.

He continues by saying to pull aside members who are saying homophobic or transphobic things and give them some personal guidance, don't share private information that a member shares with the bishop, and just because someone has these "attractions" doesn't mean they're acting on them, and if they aren't "acting" on them then you can let them have a calling.

I have a few comments about the last few things. If no one corrects the homophobic/transphobic comments in public but instead privately suggests the person do better, every one who heard those comments thinks they stand unchallenged. The atmosphere created by the comments is unchanged. Especially if the bishop was present to hear those words, if they go uncontested then people think this is what is acceptable.

You'd think bishops know not to share private information a member shares with them. I've been around long enough to know that when a bishop is unsure what to do, he starts contacting his network (stake presidency, other bishops) asking for advice. Some bishops are discreet when doing this and others name the individuals.

While it seems basic, I recently had a counselor in a bishopric who didn't think gay people could get a temple recommend, that there's a zero-tolerance policy. That is an attitude that is outdated by a couple of decades, but it shows that people need to learn that simply existing as a gay or trans person doesn't automatically mean we are committing great sins.

I do find it interesting there appears to have been quite a few queer individuals in his ward, at least 4 or 5, and reading between the lines it seems they all stopped attending.

The bishop's heart is in the right place. I get he's following the Church leaders and that limits some of what he can do for queer people in his ward. I think his perspective primarily is of making the parents feel more welcome in the ward and not ostracized for having queer kids.

————————————————————

The second article in the Liahona is written by a person with same-sex attraction and his work to overcome the shame he felt.

It's a much better article than the one written by the bishop. This person shares about the shame they felt at having gay feelings and working with a therapist to overcome that shame. He shares 3 lessons that helped him with this process.

1) God and Jesus love and accept him as he is. This is a message that doesn't often get conveyed to queer members and it's important they know this.

2) The Atonement of Jesus Christ offers healing. At first he was wanting the Atonement to cure him of being gay, but instead it helped him be healed of the shame he felt. I hear so many members who think the Atonement can change us from gay to straight, and that's not true. I'm glad he made this distinction. Our Heavenly Parents don't view being gay or trans as something that needs to be cured. I wish that message was taught more openly in the Church.

3) Build deeper connections and show compassion. Loneliness and feeling like you don't belong at church are two of the most troubling aspects an LGBTQ+ person has to deal with if they are active in the LDS Church. Developing close friendships will help with that. Also, queer people tend to be more compassionate than the average person and I believe it's because of the experiences we had to deal with of living in a heteronormative world that isn't made for us.

He includes a few useful tips at the end on how to engage with queer people.

All in all, a much better story than the one written by the bishop. He shared part of how it feels to be a gay member of this church, the idea that he should be ashamed for who he is, that being gay isn’t a burden, that he doesn't fit in.

I appreciated he said this is part of his layers of identity and at the core of his identity is that we're children of heavenly parents. That's more nuanced than the apostles who reject being gay has anything to do with identity and our only identity should be a child of God.

————————————————————

The final story is from For the Strength of Youth. This piece seems like it's written by a queer person, but it's anonymous and given as general advice to show that people with same-sex attraction belong at church.

This article makes 3 main points. The first is that God loves you. That's true, although accompanying quotes to back up this principle aren't specifically about queer people.

The second point is "you belong." All sorts of people attend church, and God is no respecter of persons. Then they have a quote from Elder L. Whitney Clayton that people with same-sex attraction are welcome to come to church. To me, he's an odd choice to give this message as he led the Church's fight in California on Prop 8 to make gay marriage illegal again. Words aren't enough. Saying I'm welcome is not the same as making a welcoming climate.

The third point is that God will help you. They include a quote from Laura F. who experiences same-sex attraction. She writes about prayer, scripture study, temple and church attendance. However, she also says she doesn't know what her life will look like in 20 years, she seems to be leaving open the possibility her journey with God will lead her to romance and out of the church. I thought that was very honest and important.

————————————————————

I found it noteworthy that nowhere in these 3 articles does it say being alone and celibate is good and what God wants.

I appreciate the idea that we can make our local congregations less homophobic/transphobic. The suggestions from the bishops shows that the bar is pretty low and it doesn't take much to make an improvement from how things are now.

The voices of the two gay members was important, what they shared was useful but nuanced, didn't make commitments to staying in the church long-term or testify that what the church requires is what God wants for them.

Even so, it's clear the publisher is very careful. They use "same-sex attraction" so often, I think readers would be surprised the preferred term of most same-sex attracted people would be gay, bi or lesbian. While they addressed some things, like homophobic/transphobic comments, feeling shame & not fitting in, I think they largely skated past the things that make queer people decide that this church isn't for them.

There's a part of me that says I'm glad we're having this conversation in the Church magazines, but another part that says this is too sanitized and doesn't get at the heart of things. These are very hopeful messages that make it seem that queer people could easily choose to stay in church if a few adjustments were made and if they only understood God loves them, which avoids the "doctrine" that excludes queer people from the highest blessings and joys and makes us essentially second-class citizens in the kingdom of God, at least according to our church.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Unexpected Places (Pt. 02 of 11)

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless X Reader/Bjorn X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: As a princess, you've lived in a golden cage all your life, always a piece on someone else's game. But everything changed when the Norsemen came crushing down on Wessex, like waves in a violent storm. Their king spared your life and decided to take you with him to his kingdom, in what felt more like a rescue than a kidnapping. There, you were not only confronted with a completely different culture and lifestyle, but also with two of his sons. The oldest one has his eyes set on you, but it's the youngest one, Ivar, who gets who claimed your attention since the first sight. And he seems to have an unnamed interest in you. Of course you hoped whatever that was would pass, but when unexpected feelings start to flow a different way, things begin to change.

<- Previous part 01

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{Vikings Masterlist}

×

A Christian Among Vikings

It takes two days to share your entire life with the Queen of Kattegat, but she did seem interested after you started. Mostly on the parts where you give voice to everything you couldn't stand. The lies and hypocrisy. That, Aslaug loves, and you have no trouble telling her that. It feels good to say all these things without the fear of being caught.

So, since today you'll finally go to the feast they're still having for the third night on a roll to celebrate this year's raid, you relax in the tub, the warm water slowly getting colder, a sign that you'll have to leave soon.

You're stretching your legs, watching the water drops rolling from your ankle to your knee, before falling back into the water. “Aslaug, where's the–” The voice makes you turn your head at the door, pulling your legs down to the safety of the water. Ragnar stands there, wide eyes and mouth half-open. “I thought this was my wife.”

“Well, it isn't so go away.” Thanks to the distance, you know he can't see anything, but even so, it makes you uncomfortable.

“I live here, do you know that?” He snaps back and you roll your eyes.

“I don't care. I'm not your wife so get out.”

“This is my–”

“Get out!” You raise your voice, throwing water at him. “Or I'll scream for help.” You're not scared of Ragnar, and you don't think he'll try anything. But you know him enough to know he's a teaser, and he loves putting people in uncomfortable positions.

He raises an eyebrow, shrugging his shoulders. “Then do it.”

Squinting your eyes, you move closer to the edge, making sure he won't be able to see anything. “Help!” You shout, trying not to laugh. The situation is quite funny, and, if he wanted to try anything, he'd already moved. So you decide to play along. “Somebody help me!” When you hear footsteps, you smirk victoriously. But, when another man comes in, the smile fades, and out of instinct, you cross your arms over your chest.

“What's going on here?” The guy asks, confused as hell, furrowing his eyebrows at you and then at Ragnar.

“Princess, this is Hvitserk, my son, who so bravely came to your rescue.” Ragnar starts, pacing around to the other edge of the room. “Hvitserk, this is (Y/N). Aslaug has been keeping her in here I have no idea why.” He sounds a little pissed, but you don't mind him in the back, your eyes focused on his son.

“Hi.”

“Would the two of you just leave?” Now you're annoyed, running a hand through your soaked hair. Relieve washes over you when Aslaug comes through the door, her eyes quickly finding her husband.

“What's going on here?” She mutters, and through the corner of your eye, you see Ragnar already moving.

“Just came to take this.” He answers, showing her something you can't see, right before leaving, grabbing his son's arm and pulling him along.

“Your husband is a complete idiot.” You say, relaxing once again.

“I noticed.” She gestures at the dress she brought you, laying on a chair. “Get dressed. I'll do your hair like a Viking woman and you'll join the feast tonight.”

Doing as she says, you put on the dress, which is different from everything you ever wore. The fabric is strong, yet beautiful, in a wonderful shade of blue with golden details that look like flowers. Aslaug braids your hair, way too patiently, and when she's done, you do look like a Viking. She even teaches you how to paint your eyes, and you wonder why she changed so much in these two days. As you wait for her to get ready, with the aid of her slaves, you decide to ask.

“Why are you being so nice to me now?” Playing with the tip of one of the many braids, you rest your back against the chair you're seated on. “When I got here I thought I'd end up living with that Lagertha.”

“Because it's more than rare to find a Christian I don't find stupid.” Dismissing the girls, she stands up. You're not entirely sure that was a compliment, but you decide to take it. “And I have the feeling, mostly after everything you told me, that this was most of a rescue than a kidnapping.”

She has a point. “It certainly does.”

“Now, come. Today I want to introduce you to the town.”

“Introduce me?” Following her, you wonder what that's about.

Aslaug doesn't answer, and it doesn't take much until you start hearing the feast. How long do these things last? Is the third day and it doesn't seem like anyone is tired. The moment the Queen enters, some heads turns, and, as she stands right before her chair, a silence starts to fall. You stat in the back, waiting to see what's going on when she gestures for you to come. Taking a deep breath, you move to stand next to her.

Many eyes lie on you. Probably all of them. You can identify hate, curiosity, disgust, indifference... And other things you can't quite place. At least you look like one of them... It must be of some help.

“People of Kattegat, this is Princess (Y/N), daughter of King Ecbert of Wessex,” Aslaug speaks, loud and clear. “She was brought here by my husband, and now will live among us.” That gets some people talking. They're not particularly excited about a Christian among them... You can't blame them. Your people kill them, and they kill your people back. They're like natural enemies. “I'm aware of the fact that you have no affection for her kind, and neither do I. So that's why she will tell you what she told me.”

A breath gets caught on your throat, and for a moment you feel like you're back home, forced to admit your sins, even though you haven't committed any. You've been in situations like this, but now, it's different. You can speak. You can let out the very thoughts that once had you imprisoned, confined to your chambers for days no end. Maybe they'll understand, unlike people in Wessex. Aslaug did. “Tell what?” You ask because you did speak great too many things with her. You have no idea where to begin.

“Tell them about your relationship with your faith.” She seems so secure, unbothered by how some men and women look so angry at this whole thing.

Taking a deep breath, you look ahead, eyes scanning through the room for any kind face... But it takes a long time until you find that Ragnar son who went to your rescue, Hvitserk. He doesn't look like he hates you, so you focus on him. “I have no love for the Catholic faith.” You start, stepping forward. “Since I was little, they've been telling me you worship false gods, made of stone, wood, iron, and silver. But they do the same.” Hvitserk furrows his eyebrows as if asking something. “My father himself spent hours repeating prayers for a cross made of gold. They accuse you of doing the same things they do.” If your older brother heard this, you'd be whipped, probably. “They're all hypocrites, punishing and condemning people for the same sins they commit, over and over again, and that I could never accept.” Chuckling, you move your eyes from Hvitserk, noticing how some angry faces are now... Inquisitive. “I was told you're all murderers, but so are they. So what if you come home covered by the blood of your enemies? Isn't that what a battle is? If it was me on the battlefield, I'd rather kill a hundred men than die by their hands.” The hall erupts on yells and shouts, hands being raised. It takes you by surprise, and for a moment, you're scared they heard enough, and decided to end your life right here and now. But the yells are from... Praising, approval. “And, as Ragnar Lothbrok as my witness, I'd rather face death than go back into the life I had there. If I can even call that a life.”

“That's true.” Bjorn raises his voice, coming from behind some men. “The moment she learned her father was dead, he stood before my father, ready to face her fate. I've never seen a Christian girl do that.”

“Don't forget about how she stood in the pouring rain with that idiot over there,” Ragnar says, pointing out his hand at Floki, who's standing on a chair or something, at the very back, watching the commotion.

Floki giggles, tilting his head at Ragnar. “Even though she can't swim. And don't get me wrong, I'd still rather she fell off to the mighty waves than have her here with us.”

“Don't say that Floki,” Aslaug warns, moving to sit on her chair. “I plan to make a Viking out of (Y/N) since she's more than eager to leave behind everything she once knew.”

“No doubt.” You mutter, wondering if this is it, if you can go sit down somewhere.

“What about that man, Edward?” Bjorn asks, coming to stand before you. He's so damn tall. You don't think you ever met a man this tall before. “You said something about a marriage.”

“Oh, that.” Rolling your eyes, you shrug your shoulders. “My father would have me dragged down the aisle in chains if it was necessary since the political implications of the union were... Delicate. But you guys decided to show up and ruin his plans. Thankfully.”

“Was he that bad?”

“The most disgusting man I've ever met in my life, so, as the Queen said herself a few moments earlier...” Turning at the people once again, you sigh. You don't expect to be accepted by everyone here, you just hope they won't hate you. Not so much, at least. “This was more like a rescue than a kidnapping.”

“Well, now that you know our new resident, I must make something very clear,” Aslaug speaks up, her voice rising above everyone else's. “(Y/N) is a free woman.” She takes a cup from the small table set next to her chair, spinning it in her hand, not bothering to look up from it. “Whoever touches her loses the balls, the hands, and the tongue... As a start.”

You giggle, thinking she's joking, but by the way, the silence persists for quite a long time, you understand that was no joke. And that's very good. That will surely keep them away from you.

“Well, let's celebrate!” Ragnar shouts, and everyone sets in motion again.

You're not sure where to go, so you find a table that's half-empty to sit down, taking a cup and filling it. Being isolated for two days with Aslaug didn't really help you being sociable, and it does feel like you're from two different worlds now. Because that's the truth, even though you're dressed like them. There's an invisible barrier keeping everyone distant, and not only for what Aslaug just said.

“Hey there.” Someone says as they settle down by your side. Hvitserk glances at you, kindly smiling. “Sorry about earlier. Heard a girl screaming, thought something bad was happening.”

“Well, something bad was happening. Your father was annoying me to death.” Taking a few sips from your drink, your eyes find that man again, Ivar. He's seated on Ragnar's chair, chatting with his mother. As if being called, he stares straight at you, suddenly angry.

“I see you already met my little brother,” Hvitserk mutters, and only then do you notice he had followed your gaze.

Clearing your throat, you look away. “Not really. But by the looks of it, he hates me.”

“I wouldn't say he hates you. Ivar is just... Not really fond of the idea of–”

“Of a Christian girl among us.” The voice comes from the head of the table, and when you raise your eyes, you see the man himself. But this time, you don't let his eyes pull you. Somehow, you manage to distract yourself. “You know you're only here because my mother wants to turn you into a Viking.”

“I'm not interested in being anything else than myself.” Drinking what is left on your cup, you sigh. “Haven't had the chance since I was born.”

“Do you really expect anyone here to believe you didn't like being a princess?” His tone is mocking you, a fake pity expression on his face.

“Being a princess in England might be fun if you just do as everyone says, no questions asked.” For some reason, you're pissed. Ivar pushed some button that got you suddenly annoyed, so you stand up, bending over the table to get the jar and refill your cup. But before you can reach it, Ivar takes the thing, drinking straight from it, some of the liquid dripping on his chin. Sighing, you squint your eyes at him, a humorless laugh escaping your lips.

“Here.” The voice gets your attention, and when you turn at him, you see Bjorn filling your cup again. “This one's better anyway.”

“Thanks.” Sitting back down, you give Ivar one last glance before taking long sips.

“Are you going to live here?” Bjorn asks. “Or are you going to live with my mother after all?”

“I'm staying.” Nodding, you look at him. His mother is the most famous shieldmaiden in the world, a skillful fighter. Also Ragnar's ex-wife, reason why Aslaug can't stand her. “The Queen already helped me settle on my chambers.”

“That's good.” He smiles, and a man pushes his shoulder quite violently. Bjorn turns to face him, cursing, but soon enough bursting into laughter.

Ignoring the two men, you look down at your cup, now almost empty again. Music starts playing suddenly, and it doesn't take much for people to start dancing. It gets louder as the minutes go by, and Ragnar and Floki stand on your table, moving around and laughing, kicking everything out. Your eyes follow the whole commotion, standing up and stepping away from the table when they get a little too close. But you don't mind. You've never seen people acting so... Crazy. So happy. And you can't stop smiling, seeing as other people join them.

“I bet you never saw anything like that,” Hvitserk says, raising his voice a little to make himself heard. “I know how boring the feats are in England.”

“This is so much better.” Ragnar jumps to the ground, but one of his legs get caught in between the bench and the table, making him fall. But on the next second, he's up again, a smile on his lips. “My brother would have a heart attack if he ever saw this.”

“Aethelwulf?”

“Yeah.” Someone bumps on your back, making you almost fall. But Hvitserk holds you up, and he seems quite confused to find you laughing. “What? It's alright, I like it. At least this chaos is real, people aren't faking it.” As your eyes move through the hall, you find Ragnar, behind this weird curtain made of leather. You didn't even know he left. “What's that weirdo doing over there?”

“He's observing.” Hvitserk answers, leaning closer and lowering his voice. “From back there, he can see who's sleeping with who. Who's not sleeping with who anymore, who may be plotting something to put him in a dangerous position.”

“Smart guy.” Nodding to yourself, your attention is stolen by the crowd, that starts moving outside, shouting something you can't really understand. “What's going on?”

“Someone's gonna fight. Come watch.” Hvitserk helps you walk among the people, all the way to the beach. Torches came out of nowhere, illuminating the night. Everyone seems oddly happy for this to be about a fight, but Hvitserck wasn't wrong. On the sand, the two men pace around each other, shouting, cursing.

“What's this about?” It happened out of nowhere, and you're not sure how serious this is. The warriors are clearly pissed at each other, but the public is cheerful. This is when you feel how new and different this culture is. Something like this would never happen back at Wessex, and it will take a while for you to get used and understand how things work here. It's a shock, a sudden impact.

“They're both in love with the same woman. She claims she loves both, but they won't share.” Hvitserk explains, as someone passes him a torch, which he holds up high. “The one who survives gets to be with her.”

“Damn.” You mutter as the two men start attacking each other. You've never seen an actual fight. Girls aren't allowed on the battlefield, mostly not a princess. The only glimpses you had were from soldiers training, and it was nothing compared to this. This is violent, powerful, and you can't help but be impressed by their skills. Of course they're good. They're Vikings, a freaking force of nature, they had told you back in England. It's impressive how they keep getting back up, even after so many wounds. Cuts, punches, everything.

A particular loud shout coming from the crowd gets your attention. It's Ivar, seated on the sand, eyes shining and a bright smile on his lips. He's enjoying this. Everyone is, actually. And once again, as if you called his name out loud, he turns to look at you. And somehow you know exactly what he's looking for. Fear, desperation. He wants to see if you're scared.

But... You're not.

Every single person here is joyfully yelling, and those two men choose their fates. They're not being forced to it, it was their decision, as it was yours to stand up, neck exposed, ready for the ax Ragnar was holding. They're choosing to face death, fearlessly.

Then, your eyes aren't on Ivar anymore, but following the men's every move. It doesn't take much for you to gasp and yelp when one or the other successes to throw a blow. You feel like a savage, laughing at the thought of what your father and brother would say if they saw you now.

When the tallest man, with long dark hair, falls dead, the crowd goes insane. The victorious raises both his hands, still holding an ax. A woman comes from the crowd, hugging and kissing him. “That's insane.” You chuckle, running a hand through your braided hair. “Teach me.” The request comes out suddenly, and you don't even give it much thought.

“Are you sure about it?” He asks, looking down at you. Hvitserk is being nice to you, and that's a surprise.

“I mean, I could never be a shieldmaiden but... I'd like to know how to defend myself.”

“Well, I've got nothing to do tomorrow, so I guess we could start.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you smile. “Thanks. You're the quickest and... Probably the most real friend I've ever made.”

“Yeah, you'll need someone to help you out around here until you get the hang of things. Ragnar gave me this task.”

“Oh...” Looking down, you start walking back to the hall, following Hvitserk's pace. Maybe it was a little stupid to expect him to be so nice to you. “You don't have to. I will get used to things on my own.”

“I didn't mean it like that.” He quickly responds, leaving the torch on some post along the way. “You're pretty cool, actually. For a Christian. You've been a good friend so far.” He gives you a glance and a smirk. “And I don't have to obey my father, you know.”

Blushing a little, you giggle. “Thanks again, then.”

“Now, get a good night sleep and get ready for tomorrow, I mean...” Hvitserk takes a look over his shoulder, a little too dramatic for your taste. “If my older brother doesn't mind it.”

“What do you mean?” Following his gaze, you find Bjorn staring. He doesn't seem angry, but he's not happy either.

“I think Bjorn likes you.”

“And? If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have watched the fight.” Shrugging your shoulders, you stop at the entrance of the hall, waiting as the crowd moves inside. “You've done more for me than he did tonight.”

“So you enjoyed the fight?”

“I have no idea why, or how, but I did.” Nodding, you smile again. “Now, friend, let's drink some more, and maybe I'll consider dancing.” Gesturing at the hall, you both walk in.

The warmth is welcome, and you soon find your way back to the table. But, as you sit down, you see Ivar again, crawling. He moves fast, talking to a man. As he moves past your table, he gives you a stare. It's different from before, but you can't read it. His eyes, like magnets, attract you in a way you didn't even know was possible. You think about waving, or smiling, but then he looks away and disappears inside the house.

“Don't mind Ivar,” Hvitserk says, and you look down at your cup. “He'll get used to your presence.”

“Let's hope he will.”

×

@multific @revolution-starter @crackhead1-800 @youbloodymadgenius @clown-boyyy @kitten0394 @castielsangelx-blog @goldlion07 @midnightmystic @readsalot73 @xvxcarolinexvx @momowhoo @fangfoxy @msrawog @walkingonshunshine @alytavzla

[banchieplaysminecraft]

How Aaron could’ve been a good character and why he wasn’t

I’ve been annoyed at this for a good long while and i’ve finally gotten around to talk about it so here we gooo

please note that, though i watched all of mcd s2 while it was coming out, i haven’t rewatched it all the way through (i’m a little less than halfway through s2) so bear with me

now, we can all agree that we didn’t really have a lot of beef with aaron in s1. was it annoying that aph was keeping secrets?  yes. did we actively enjoy the fact that this random edgelord showed up with all of this convenient information? sure. but did we actively dislike him? i don’t think so

im sure that some people did, but it was a far cry from the universal grudge that we as a fandom hold. the only question is, what changed?

the answer is pretty simple: he got annoying

there is no greater sin that a content creator can commit than to make a character tedious--especially a character that the fans are meant to root for. i once heard someone say that there is no such thing as a good character and a bad character, there are only interesting characters or boring characters

now, before the s1 finale, aaron wasn’t annoying because he made sense. we didn’t know a lot about his backstory, but we knew just enough to not have a lot of questions while also understanding why he as a character worked. he spied on zane, he got information, and he got away with it because, according to every government in existence, he was dead. he was doing it to avenge his village, which seemed to be his reason for doing most things.

 that was basically it, because that was all that we needed. he didn’t answer personal questions because that could reveal his identity, and he didn’t hang around phoenix drop proper because he knew that there was a spy in the village who might figure him out. all in all, he was a very logical character

what changed? his motivation

after the gang sealed zane in the irene dimension, may i ask WHAt the fuck was his reason for staying??? nothing! what was his reason for keeping his identity a secret? pretty much nothing! it made no sense!!

according to all of his characterization as a *~lone wolf~*, it would make the most sense for him to strike out on his own and do whatever the fuck, maybe occasionally popping back in to warn the main characters of some impending doom, maybe hold a giant fuckass sword to someone’s throat again, maybe find some other tyrant to destroy.

but he didn’t, and it made no sense

this was made exponentially worse because he was an ~edgy dark angsty boy with a sad past and a dead wife~ and because he seemed to be able to do no wrong. he rarely, if ever, communicated with the rest of the group, and he often just went out on his own--and yet, most people seemed to trust him unconditionally?? he always seems to show up at the right place and the right time with little to no explanation as to how, and no one ever questions it. sure, laurance and dante had some doubts and even spoke up once or twice, but laurance’s grievances are mostly due to being in love with aph, and literally no one else ever asked anything, despite not even knowing his fucking name

and, of course, everyone thinks that he’s super hot and aphmau falls in love with him and then he dies a tragic death in a moment of self-sacrifice that really wasn’t all that heroic because he left his wife and child behind

i mean, come on

THAT BEING SAID he had soooo muuch potentiaalllllll

LET ME EXPLAIN

during s1, his role in the story was the spy--and he was very good at it, because everyone thought that he was dead!! how are you gonna blame a dead man for anything without sounding crazy! no one knew his name or his face or anything--and they should’ve kept it that way because, surprise!! theyre still at war in s2. sure, it’s a different war, but it’s still! a fucking! war! and like 70% of war is ESPIONAGE and INFORMATION and STRATEGY, havent you ever heard the phrase KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE??? they literally had possibly the best spy that they knew of and instead of actually putting his skills to work he just dramatically leans on trees and sits in the shadows??? WHAT

he clearly had ways to get into high places, since he had somehow gotten his hands on the amulet in s1, and he used to be a lord so he would’ve known things about POLITICS and KINGDOM STUFF--i mean, we all know that aphmau knows jack shit about this world and how it works.

what SHOULDVE HAPPENED IS:

after they all get back to the overworld, he leaves the party. idc if it’s immediately after or if he waits a few days, but he leaves regardless. every once in awhile, we hear of him popping up in various places, and we run into him a few times. he informs the gang of what he’s heard, maybe tags along on some missions. he still shows up in random places the way that he does in canon, but since he’s not based it phoenix drop i think that it makes a bit more sense, and he occasionally pops back into phoenix drop whenever he’s in the area or needs time to rest and recharge, and stays an informant for aphmau & her crew. as things pick up, he slowly becomes a more commonly-seen member of aphmau’s inner circle. 

throughout this whole period, he finally starts to come to terms with the death of his wife & their village, and he slowly starts to share more with the group--nothing big, just details here and there--and he actually starts to develop *gasp* a personality. i’d like to imagine that he gets closer with laurance, dante, and katelyn instead of only ever talking to aphmau. i don’t think that he’s ever super talkative, but he starts to be a little less quiet & closed off. 

at this point, he’s either told them his name or (preferred) they all have a list of nicknames that they cycle through to address him. sooner or later he starts to help with the building of phoenix drop and the alliance, taking on duties that are more akin to his old role as lord. he either phases the espionage out of his schedule or ghostwrites all of the legislation, and falls more easily into his new roles

i don’t really care if he ever ends up with aphmau or not, but if he does then that also happens at some point or another, but i, at least, would no longer be angry at that outcome

However, this whole plot would require everyone in the story to take literally all of their roles in this literal government that they’re building seriously, and we all know that that’s never going to happen, but i can dream /s

Tl;dr, if aaron actually used his strengths and skills to be a useful member of this alliance instead of randomly showin up and dramatically hitting things with his giant fuckoff sword, he’d be so much more tolerable

[mxchellesworld]

𝟑 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝 - 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔

𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐂𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: smut, use of toys, exhibitionism, degradation, knife play, bondage

𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 | 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

***

You had on a creme colored slip dress and underneath was the set which you had bought earlier in the day. Once you got home you had thrown your bags onto the couch and ran to your closet to look for a perfect outfit. You wanted to look angelic in contrast to the sins which you were hoping to commit during the night. 

You had searched in your shoe boxes for an old pair of heels you had from your college days. They were blush pink blocky heels which had long straps that wrapped around your calves. 

As annoying as you knew it would be you dusted some body glitter on your collar and shoulders to shine bright under the club lights. You did some dewy makeup and and made sure to highlight the highest points in your face. The final touch were your dangly earrings and a simple chain around your neck. 

Ordering an uber you waited in the lobby of your apartment with a fuzzy jacket over your outfit to keep off some of the chilly night air. 

You ended up showing up to the club at 6:55. You thanked the driver and bid him a good night. Walking down the familiar corridor you noticed someone else was in Penelope’s spot. 

You had texted her before you came asking if she was going to be around. She mentioned she was meeting with her brothers but insisted on grabbing brunch soon. 

A man with short dark curls and stubble was sitting at the desk. He greeted you with a bright smile. You were seriously going to ask Cat and Spencer where they found all these models to work for them. 

“Hey sweetheart are you new here?” he asked extending his hand for you to shake. 

You shook his hand and nodded, “Yeah kinda, I was here like last week. Is there anywhere I can put this?” you asked tugging on your jacket. 

“Just write your name on a sticky note and I’ll tuck it under here for you.”

He handed you the pad and a pen. You noticed the way the veins popped on his large hands. You pulled off the sticky and shrugged off your jacket. His eyes lingered over your curves as your dress was tight enough to hug them nicely. 

Handing both the items to him, he spoke again. “Why don’t you go ahead and add your number down on that note. In case you leave without it of course.”

You were about to reply when a voice spoke up from behind you, “Flirting on the job again, Luke.” You felt Cat’s hand on the small of your back. 

“Hey I’m just trying to be welcoming,” he said raising his hands in surrender. 

“Right,” she said. 

He looked back at you, “I’ll keep this safe Y/n, you have a good one sweetheart.”

“Thanks,” you said before looking back at Cat then letting her guide you. 

“You’ve just been catching everyones attention this week haven’t you angel,” she spoke in your ear. You shivered at her actions. 

“Yeah but not from who I wan though,” you said with a pout. 

She led you to the bar and nodded at a brunette who was behind the counter, “Aw are you upset we haven’t been around to give you what you want baby.” 

You nodded then looked at the bartender who placed two drinks in front of you, giving her a smile. They were pink and had lemon wedge on the side. It was fruity and you could taste the hint of alcohol in them. 

“Yes. Using toys on my own can only do so much Catherine,” you said looking in her eyes. You noticed the way her jaw tensed at the use of her full name. 

She grabbed your cheeks in her hand pressing on them just enough for you to feel pressure, “I think you forget you’re not the one in charge here angel.” 

You eyes widened. You forgot this wasn’t just a normal club. Anywhere else people might have looked at the scene in curiosity but here no one batted an eye when just around the corner people were doing worse for the eyes of everyone to see. 

“Well then why don’t you remind me,” you said challenging her. 

She got up dragging you by your hair, you noticed she was making way to the playrooms. She tapped on an earpiece you never saw behind her hair, “I’m gonna need Spencer in room number 3 please. Spencer room 3.”

She unlocked the door with a key she pulled out of her blazer, leaving it wide open. In the center of the room was a large bed and various pieces of furniture spread throughout. She pushed you down onto it, her hand traveling to grip around your throat. 

“Is this what you wanted? You want me and Spencer to play with you here and show everyone exactly who’s fucking slut you are,” she gritted out. 

You whined lowly trying to nod your head but of course she didn’t take that. 

“Whats your color?” she asked. 

“Green Mistress.” With that she landed a smack across your face. It wasn’t hard but enough for you to feel a little sting.

“Seems like we really did fuck you stupid. I’m gonna give you one more time to answer me correctly. Do you want us to fuck you here in front of everyone and let them see who fucking owns this tight little cunt.”

You all but yelled in response, “Yes Mistress please!”

Just then Spencer walked. He was wearing a black suit with just a white dress shirt under, the top two buttons undone again. 

He looked at Cat with a smirk then turned to you with an instant stone cold gaze. It drove you wild to see how quickly his demeanor changed. 

“Get on all fours and keep your head down,” Cat said before walking over to Spencer. 

You could hear their whispering voices as they decided what they’d do with you. Somehow you disliked that much more than when they would speak as if you weren’t in the room at all. At least then you knew what was coming. For now you shivered in anticipation knowing damn well you pushed all the right buttons to get to this moment. 

You heard the patter of Spencer’s dress shoes and Cats heels click on the floor as they moved about. The sound of a flip being switched but no lights in the room changing let you know it was the one on the sign of the door, signaling anyone could watch in. 

Before you knew it the sounds of more people walking in and spreading across the room brought you out of your thoughts. However Spencer came and tapped you on your back. You slowly lifted your head not knowing if you were allowed to. 

“You can sit,” he said softly. Another quick change from his last attitude. 

You pushed yourself off your hands and sat back with your bum resting on your calves. He leaned in slowly, pushing some of your hair behind your ear, “Im gonna explain a few things to you, alright?”

“Yes Sir,” you said nodding. 

He gave you a small smile before continuing, “Ok so all these people here are for you,” he said gesturing to them. You peered around and saw how they looked at you with a hungry gaze. 

“However if at any point you don’t want them here or you need to stop just call red. Again, there is no punishment in doing so, and they will understand also. You got that princess?” he said searching your eyes. 

“Yeah, thank you Spencer,” you said making sure he truly understood how grateful you were of him taking his time with you. 

“Great now lie back. I’m gonna tie you up with these,” he said pulling out roped from a drawer that was within the side of the bed. 

You scooted up to rest your head on the pillows lifting your hands above your head for him to take. He used the red rope to intricately tie them to the frame above you.

You gave them a test tug, “Are they too tight?” he asked.

“No Sir,” you said with a smile. 

Cat walked back over trailing her trusty crop up your body. The dress had slipped up past your thighs. 

“Whats your color angel?” she asked sweetly. 

“Very green Mistress.”

“Good girl,” she said before landing a swat on the side of your thigh. 

You yelped out at the impact which made her laugh. She moved around the space with her shoulders squared. Your eyes followed her every move trying to brace yourself for the next blow. She moved to your other side landing a swat on the top of your thigh. 

You mewled at the feeling. 

“Does our little slut like the pain?” she questioned, punctuating her sentence with another swat. 

You frantically nodded your head, “Yes Mistress! It hurts so good.”

She trailed the crop down your chest, “Well then then its not much of a punishment is it?” 

You saw Spencer walk over and noticed the knife in his hand, “Color?”

“Green sir.”

He looked you in your eyes as he trailed the knife down your cheek. Your breath hitched at the contact with cold metal. It slid down your collar then finally he pulled on to the low neckline of your dress and sliced through it. The fabric fell to your sides leaving your new set on display for everyone. 

The room was a low murmur. You noticed some people adjusting themselves in their pants even going as far as rubbing themselves over the material. 

You let out a quiet moan at the sight which Spencer had heard, “Do you see what you do to all these people angel? Too bad none of them get to lay a fucking finger on you. We’re the only ones who get to play with this perfect pussy,” he said trailing the blade down your clothed clit. 

You moaned louder at his words and the small amount of simulation. He let out a dark laugh which faded as a new sound was in your ear. Cat walked over holding a wand vibrator. 

“I gonna edge you twice. One for each time someone was flirting with whats mine,” she basically growled. 

“Yes Mistress.” 

Spencer set the knife down and pulled your legs apart. Cat wasted no time in pressing the vibrator right over your clit. You let out a symphony of moans. Your head fell back as you were swimming in pleasure. The knife was back on your skin and you felt it slice through the lace like butter. 

Spencer placed it back down then went to fondle your breasts. You let out mewls and curses of his title. Cat handed the vibe over to him and she picked up the crop. You heard the saw before you felt the impact on your opposite breast. 

“You’re getting close aren’t you angel?” she said mockingly. 

“Yes Mistress,” you said breathlessly. 

Spencer upped the setting on the vibrator and moved it around, circling right on your bud. 

“Shit I’m gonna cum,” you whined. 

“No you’re not,” Spencer said completely removing the vibrator, “Sluts like you don’t deserve to cum.” You felt your clit pulsating from the loss of pleasure. 

Sure enough the vibe was placed again on your aching bud. They kept it up for a few minutes. This orgasm coming on stronger and easier due to how stimulated you were. The mix of pain and pleasure along with their degrading words spurred you on even more. 

You were writhing on the sheets, head moving back and forth, back arching as you were so close to hitting your peak. The knot in your tummy seconds from breaking. 

“You better not cum angel,” ‘Cat threatened with a swat on your tummy. 

“I’ll just add another one and another one. I can leave you here tied up over night with the vibe on the lowest setting so that you never cum.” 

You moaned out no’s and please’s for her or Spencer to end your torture. Spencer saw the way your chest heaved on the brink of release. The vibe was gone again and you let out a groan of dissatisfaction. 

You could feel your slick dripping down your thighs and onto the sheets below you. You knew there’d be a big wet patch on the center. Looking up you saw the crowd had grown bigger. Some watching from the hallway too timid to fully be emerged in the room. A pair of familiar brown eyes caught yours. 

Luke was standing there biting his lip. His eyes raked over your flushed form and looked at the small red marks from the crop which littered your thighs. You closed them in slight embarrassment. How long had he been standing there?

Cat spoke and pulled you out of your thoughts, “Are you being shy because your little friend is here?”

“No no I think she loves it,” Spencer spoke, “I think she loves seeing people watch her act like the desperate whore she truly is.” 

“You know what angel we’ll let you cum. Just so our guests can see how pretty you look.” 

“Thank you Mistress,” you said keeping eye contact with Luke. You noticed the bulge growing in his pants. 

Spencer hooked his finger into your panties and pulled them down your legs. He threw them over for Luke to catch and winked at him. He spread your legs as you were now completely bare for everyone to see. 

Cat took the wand and you heard the vibrator roar to life again. She wasted no time pressing it on your clit and circling it. 

You let out loud moans and whimpers which you were sure could be heard all the way to the bar. Your eyes shut closed at the pleasure was flowing through you. 

“Cmon princess be our good girl and show them how good we make you feel,” Spencer said leaning in to whisper in your ear. 

With his permission the knot in your tummy broke. You felt your release flow down your thigh as you screamed curses and thanked them. Your hands pulled at the roped trying to move away from the vibe on your clit. The overstimulation being too much to handle. 

She turned it off and set it to the side. Spencer moved to untie your wrists as Cat rubbed your cheek softly. Your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath. 

Spencer rubbed your wrists and placed small kisses on them to soothe you. You sat up and wrapped your arms around your body. Now feeling self conscious about the unfamiliar eyes watching. Spencer had noticed and shrugged off his suit jacket to place over your frame. 

“I’m gonna go get the bag from our office,” he said looking to Cat. She nodded and watched as he walked away along with the the remaining people in the room. Luke was no longer present. 

“You did so amazing tonight angel. We are so proud of you,” She took your face in her hands and pressed small kisses all over your cheeks and forehead. Finally she made it to your lips and and gave you a kiss which was nothing but reassuring. 

She pulled away to speak, “Spence is getting our bag, we brought you a sweater and sweatpants.”

“So you planned for all this to happen?” you asked quirking a brow. 

She laughed in response, “Yeah something like that.”

You wrapped your arms around her neck and pulled her in for more kisses. They were sweet and gentle but equally intoxicating. You could taste the strawberry mints which you remembered she kept all over the apartment. 

��Always starting without me,” Spencer said with a smile as he walked back, one hand held a brown leather bag and the other held your jacket. He closed the door behind him before setting the bag on the bed. 

You shrugged off the jacket and the torn items of clothing, “You guys owe me, I literally bought this earlier today!” you whined. 

“Yeah yeah, hands up,” he said pulling the sweater over your head. Cat pulled your hair out from under it tenderly. He squatted down to get your legs through the sweatpants. 

“I can dress myself you know,” you said through a smile. 

“Just let us take care of you angel,” Cat said holding your jacket open for you to get your arms through it. 

You sat back down to unwrap your heels. With how wobbly your legs were there was no way you’d make it out. 

Spencer’s phone chimed in his pocket, “The car’s here to pick us up. Let’s go home.”

With that you picked up the bag which held your heels and discarded clothing. You reached out to interlock your pinky with Cat’s but she shifted to hold your whole hand, looking back at you with a smile. 

You walked out of the lounge with a satisfied smile and your two favorite people on either side of you. 

[flying-elliska]

Literally the only reason I don’t outright despise the darkling in the show is solely cause of Ben Barnes and I’m fully aware of that 😂😂 I HATED him in the books. I didn’t like Mal either but like I honestly could not understand for the life of me why people liked the darkling lol. I feel like I was severely in the minority. Idk I sort of was like.. ok I get he’s maybe supposed to be charming but I see so much through his bullshit it’s not even funny. I felt like I was being told that he was alluring rather than feeling like he was lol. And it annoyed me to no end. Now Ben Barnes as the darkling... he was basically saying the same shit but I was like you know I fully realize you’re full of shit but it’s okie pls keep going 😂😂 he also was slightly different but idk. Maybe this was one of those things where I needed to see it as a visual instead of just in a book

Ahah yeah very relatable. And an interesting thing to think about. When I read the books, which was quite a while ago, I despised his character, and I didn't like Mal either ; I was pretty much there for the fun world and the side characters. (I can't wait to see who they cast as Nikolai, my beloved.) But there is such power in a good performance, and I'm also talking about Jessie Mei Li here because I found Alina so dour and not fun as a protagonist but in the show she's ☀️☀️☀️

I mean there are definitely loathsome characters on TV that are just so fun to watch because they're so stylish and unhinged and the actor is just really going for it and it's fun putting your morals aside as a thought experiment to imagine being at this level of not giving a fuck about anything, it's liberating. One of my all time faves is Glenn Close as Cruella de Vil in the Dalmatian movies I was obsessed with as a kid, and this is a woman who wants to skin puppies, she has zero redeeming qualities and it's amazing to watch because she is so much larger than life and cool and insane. (Don't get me started on all the queer coding for Disney villains too lol.)

So like, I think on TV it's easier to appreciate terrible characters for that performance aspect. And there is something reassuring about making evil into an over the top spectacle, because it makes it less scary, paradoxically ; in real life most evil is very ordinary and respectable-looking and diffuse and insidious and hard to pinpoint, if it isn't made completely invisible by systemic dynamics. Most monsters are some kind of exorcism.

When it comes to books it's trickier to write a villain who is also supposed to be ambiguously likeable, I think, because you don't have the advantage of such a performance, you have to synthesize it all with words, which are more intellectual. Whereas TV has visuals, sounds, it's more easily visceral, which I think is closer to the level on which these types of characters work, the more primal emotions.

And when it gets to the Darkling I get the appeal in theory. First of all, his political agenda is somewhat understandable (and even more so in the show) even if his methods are fucked up, especially considering the heroes seem to be a lot more concerned with reestablishing the status quo for a big part of the story. If you have a villain concerned with fighting injustice and your hero isn't fighting injustice just as hard, then you're kind of setting up people to root for the villain, no matter what gratuitous atrocities get tacked on, because the structure of the story feels unjustified. This is a story pattern people have been calling out for its weird conservative implications for a while now (looking at you Marvel yikes).

Also, the Darkling is very much an example of a trope that is veeeery popular in fiction aimed at women, that of the dangerous, more powerful, often immortal or monstrous supernatural dude associated with death/winter/darkness/the devil that tries to tempt the heroine away from her expected life path and can be either a love interest or an enemy or both. This is like, most recent vampire stories, or Beauty and the Beast, or Hades/Persephone retellings, Hannibal the series for a queer version, possibly also Killing Eve - hell two stories I've read recently were that trope (Winternights trilogy and The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue). And people often prefer it as a romance ; even though it obviously has problematic implications I don't think you can reduce it to 'silly women don't know what's good for them!!!' like I've seen it implied. I'm picky with this trope, I usually prefer deconstructions, but I see the appeal.

The main problem with the Darkling in the books is that I find him annoying, and like that other post says, in fiction a character can be as evil as they want as long as they're not annoying lmao. He's just cold and aggressive and he comes over as this petulant emo douchebag and Alina is supposed to be drawn to that because ???? Ben Barnes sells the charm and the danger so much better, and so when the betrayal comes it feels a lot more meaningful and interesting.

Like don't get me wrong, the Darkling in the books does things that are pretty irredeemable and looks like they're going in that direction in the show too, but I do like that they kept him more human, and I get why people wished the character had gone in a more ambiguous direction. And sometimes you just want a good corruption arc for your hero, that's too rare in my opinion. Also I just think it should be possible to like Problematic Characters without having to excuse everything they do or feel like you've committed a mortal sin against the Good God of Moral Fiction. I've seen the discourse online ping-pong between 'uwu he never did anything wrong!!!!' and 'omg abuse apologism!!!' and I'm like. Degree zero of literacy. Bye.

[mst3kproject]

The Astral Factor

This movie has a great deal to offer the MSTie. It was written by Arthur C. Pierce, who did the same job on The Human Duplicators, and it can boast the presences of Leslie Parrish of The Giant Spider Invasion, Frank Ashmore of Parts: the Clonus Horror, and Rayford Barnes from Mitchell.  The premise is ludicrous but presented with a perfectly straight face, and the whole thing just oozes 70’s-ness.

Roger Sands is a man of many talents, the most important of which for our purposes is his ability to become invisible in a shower of disco sparkles.  This allows him to escape from prison, argue with his mother’s ghost (who apparently throws bangin’ parties in the afterlife) and go on a killing spree. The cops know who they’re hunting because he’s left fingerprints all over the place, but they have no idea how he’s moving around unseen.  Fortunately, the prison psychologist knows some psychics who might be able to help them out… but will they be in time to save the various celebrities Sands is stalking, women who remind him of his own neglectful mother?

The main impression one gets from The Astral Factor is that it’s a parade of clichés.  The first victim is killed in a bubble bath.  Chuck the detective gets dragged out of bed to come investigate the case, which makes his girlfriend pout because she was hoping for sex. The killer is obsessed with his mother. Dogs and birds can sense Sands’ presence when he’s invisible.  Chuck’s girlfriend is a terrible cook.  That sort of thing.  None of this needs to kill a movie, of course… clichés become clichés because they work.

Much worse for the movie is that it isn’t very interested in its characters.  Sands’ backstory is that his mother was a movie star who thought it would ruin her career if it came out that she’d been briefly married and pregnant at the age of seventeen.  She therefore distanced herself from him, leaving him feeling unwanted and invisible (insert giant blinking neon sign that says METAPHOR) until he finally got fed up and strangled her.  This isn’t a bad setup for a movie’s serial killer, but the narrative doesn’t do much with it.  Sands has a list of women he wants to murder, but we never find out what makes them good potential victims beyond simply being famous blondes.  Surely there should be some moment of recognition, some sin they’ve each committed against their own families, but apparently ‘famous and blonde’ should be enough.

Opposed to Sands is, of course, Chuck the detective. He comes across as kind of a jerk but he does seem to love his empty-headed girlfriend Candy.  I think his arc is meant to be that he starts off skeptical of the paranormal but is eventually forced to believe, but this is pretty badly mishandled – when the prison psychiatrist talks about Sands’ interest in psychic phenomena, Chuck seems bored rather than disbelieving, and when a man demonstrates telekinesis in front of him, he accepts it but looks entirely unimpressed.  He never seems to be really affected by the phenomena he encounters.  Instead of a man whose worldview is shaken to the core, Chuck appears to be merely annoyed that this is yet another thing he has to deal with.

The other possible arc Chuck has is that Candy suggests he get a job with ‘normal hours’ so that she no longer has to make coffee for his co-workers when they come to tell him about a murder in the middle of the night.  He says he’ll think about it, but there’s no follow-up.

Finally, there’s Christine, the potential victim that we’re supposed to get attached to and worry about.  She’s a spoiled trophy wife who hangs around in her mansion drinking while her husband, who lost all interest in her once she turned thirty, is out of town.  The problem with her is that she doesn’t have much by way of a personality. In one scene she’s grateful for the cops protecting her, in the next she’s telling them to piss off and let her go shopping in peace, and then suddenly she’s sobbing in her room.  Are these supposed to be mood swings?  It feels more like neither the writers nor the actress cared enough to figure out who she is.

I guess that brings us to the movie’s misogyny, which is as rich and gooey as the inside of a lava cake but does not taste like chocolate.  First of all, Sands’ problems are said to be his mother’s fault – she abandoned him, leaving him no choice but to murder women who remind him of her!  The prison psychologist specifically absolves Sands of responsibility for his own crimes.  He cannot be reformed, he cannot be helped, he must be locked up because his mother’s selfishness (more interested in her own career than in raising her son) destroyed his mind.  Never mind that there are people with neglectful or even abusive parents who don’t grow up to be serial killers.

The women Sands kills are celebrities – models, dancers, actresses, socialites – because they remind him of his fame-obsessed mother.  But as I previously mentioned, they’re not really all that like her.  We don’t see any signs of any of them having families they neglect.  The only one who even seems to have a husband is Christine and it’s him who neglects her.  Perhaps the point is supposed to be that Sands has misjudged them, but we don’t see any signs of them being better than his mother in this respect, either.  Most of them seem to have avoided children in order to focus on their careers.  Perhaps in the mind of a male writer in the 70’s, this is itself a sin.

Certainly the movie is not interested in these women as characters.  I’ve already discussed Christine, but there are others.  The first one comes home, takes a bath, and dies.  The second one is working on a painting when her dog runs off – she chases it, and she and the dog both die.  The third is the dancer at her rehearsal.  She has the creeps for no reason, does her rehearsal, and dies. The emphasis is always on their bodies: they’re sexy, then they’re dead.  The sequence with the dancer is particularly weird, with her male partner representing the devil dressed in some kind of bondage getup.

The most frustrating thing about The Astral Factor, though, is that it really doesn’t know what to do with its premise.  It keeps bringing up interesting ideas about what a psychic murderer might be able to do, and then just drops them.

The opening scene, in which Sands escapes from jail after telekinetically beating up his cellmate with furniture, seems to promise us a much more exciting movie than we get.  After escaping, Sands visits the cemetery and his heart-to-heart with ghost mom is interrupted by a security guard. Sands uses his powers to push the guy into an open grave and bury him alive!  I wanted to see more of this kind of thing, but after that Sands seems to forget he can do anything besides the ‘becoming invisible’ thing.  Later victims are either beaten or strangled, as if they were killed by some loser who doesn’t have any psychic powers.  Perhaps he has to strangle the women because that’s how he killed his mother, but he does the same thing to bodyguards and boyfriends when we know he has more creative means at his disposal.

The rest of the movie is also at odds with the title, which suggested this would be a movie in which Sands sits in jail the whole time, astral-projecting himself into his victims’ homes to strangle them. This idea is discussed, but it is in no way what happens so I’m not sure why they brought it up.  There are a couple of reasonably effective scenes, as when it’s implied that Sands is invisible inside his first victim’s apartment but we can’t be absolutely sure until he starts interacting with objects.  The bit where the dancer is strangled onstage and people don’t intervene because they think it’s part of the show… that’s another cliché but it works all right.

The Astral Factor also has no interest in how psychic powers work.  They’re shown to require great concentration for the guy demonstrating them at the institute, but Sands seems to throw things around effortlessly.  Why is that?  Where did he get these powers?  Just by reading about them?  Can anybody learn to do this or just certain people?  If the latter, what makes Sands special?

In trying to catch his invisible killer, Chuck shows very little creativity.  I can think of a bunch of ways to try to thwart an invisible man.  What about filling a room with mist or smoke?  What about scattering flour on the floor to show his footprints? What about physical tripwires? None of these are ever suggested. Nor does anybody ever come up with the idea of fighting back psychically.  If anybody can learn these powers, that could have been a cool thing for Chuck to have to do – not only come to terms with the fact that this exists, but having to figure out how to do it himself!  Or if only special people can do it, why not hire one of those psychics the scientists were working with?  If a parrot knows there’s an invisible man there, surely another psychic could figure it out!

The way they do eventually catch Sands is by having Christine speak to him as if she is his mother, which prompts him to reply, and the sound of his voice tells the cops where to aim their guns.  This works, but it’s not nearly as interesting as some of the other possibilities and does not reveal anything new about Sands himself.

Watching people get ‘strangled’ by something invisible is always fun, and The Astral Factor has a couple of really funny special effects (I especially like the cellmate pretending to be in a fight with his mattress), but mostly the movie is a disappointment.  It had potential to be way scarier and way more fun if it were willing to explore its premise a little more deeply, but all it really wants to show us is blonde women getting killed.

[hollenka99]

Unus Annus - November

354. Accepting the Truth, 6:11, 2.8M (Nov 1st) - While sitting by the pool, Mark and Ethan announce that a livestream will happen on the 13th so that the audience can join them in reminiscing over the past year and watching the channel be deleted live.

355. The Unus Annus Last Supper, 26:58, 2.6M (Nov 2nd) - Amy creates a 7 course meal for Mark and Ethan based on various past videos. This includes eggnog with bug biscuits, them having 3 minutes to eat a raw onion and edible items of a mature nature.

356. Being Brutally Honest with Each Other, 26:14, 2.2M (Nov 3rd) - Mark and Ethan reflect on how well they have worked together during the course of the channel’s run. Some things that were revealed consisted of them having to re-evaluate their communication after the wall punch, Mark committing to bits even if they start going a little far and how Ethan could build his acting skills. There is a heartfelt moment where Ethan expresses how grateful he is to have Mark as a friend and someone to learn off of, which ends in tears.

357. Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video, 45:11, 3.2M (Nov 4th) - Amy reads out the title of videos in chronological order while Mark and Ethan do something quick to re-enact that video. Alexa misinterprets a command, some episode segments are just them wondering who came up with the titles and Amy gets confused by a few titles that state she shouldn’t know about them.

358. All Our Video Ideas That Never Happened, 25:13, 1.8M (Nov 5th) - They discuss the videos that never were, including potential collabs, things the pandemic prevented from happening and ideas that were best left not attempted. 

359. Who’s Cutting Onions In Here???, 22:24, 2M (Nov 6th) - The two of them spend the entire video cutting onions and talking about the channel. They discuss their expectations when they started the channel, how they were affected by the deaths of family members and how they would like to die.

360. The 1st Annual Unus Annus Roast, 16:41, 1.7M (Nov 7th) - On Twitter, they invited the viewers to send in their roasts. They just laugh at most of them but a few they roast the poster back. One of the cameras produced corrupted footage so they had to lipsync at times. 

361. God’s Fitness Test, 22:58, 1.9M (Nov 8th) - Along with their personal trainers, they form two teams which consist of Mark and Alex vs Ethan and Andre. They do push ups where you have to have all four limbs airborne during part of it, a burpee hybrid, a race where Mark and Ethan carry their trainers on their backs, weightlifting with squats and a sprinting challenge. 

362. Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests, 39:44, 2.2M (Nov 9th) - Mark and Ethan call up some of the people they’ve worked with in videos over the past year to thank them. Upon learning The Basement LA (where they did the escape room in December) was in financial trouble due to the pandemic, they offer to donate the ad revenue from the escape room video to help them out.

363. Everything’s Legal If You’re Dead, 24:50, 2.2M (Nov 10th) - Mark and Ethan attempt to make breakfast with sex toys again. However, this time they steal the products they got from the shop and Mark’s lawyer Ryan tries to discourage them from their plans of insurance fraud.

364. 7 Minutes in Heaven | 7 Minutes in Hell, 12:41, 1.9M (Nov 11th) - In new inflatable saunas, they are sent to Heaven and Hell with items previously featured in past videos. Ethan goes to Heaven where he receives the scent of essential oils, kiwis, a cupping session using a mouth instead of the cups and wax on his face. Mark, meanwhile, is subjected to Hell where the aromatherapy is of the onion variety, his mouth is filled with hot dogs and the straw his dogs may have used as a toilet is laid at his feet.

365. The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover, 17:17, 2.3M (Nov 12th) - Ethan goes to Mark’s home to spend the night. They shoot cans while the other hides behind the targets, make popcorn as well as friendship bracelets and play truth or dare. Ethan decorates his bracelet for Mark with 'My Pal Annus' while Mark puts 'EEF' inbetween Takis that had been in his mouth. Towards the end, the two of them share a glass of champagne before settling down for the night. At various points, the signature ticking sound is heard.

366. Goodbye., 12:00:00, 1M (Nov 13th - Nov 14th) - This is the farewell livestream. The two of them sit with a television that displays the timer inbetween them. Throughout the 12 hours, they show the editors’ highlight reels, watch and comment on a few videos, look through fanart and memes as well as welcome guests. When there’s around 3 hours to go, Ethan gets 00:00:00 tattooed on his left arm by DanielleSkyeee. They promise that if the stream receives 1 million likes, they will reveal the inside of their coffin and possibly get inside. With less than an hour to go, this does indeed happen, with the fake eulogies making them emotional and the coffin is dubbed the ‘Cry Box’. As the hours become not only minutes but seconds, Mark, Ethan and Amy gather around the laptop so they can press the delete button together. The clock finally reaches 00:00:00, leaving the audience with a black screen as well as a channel that no longer exists.

1. Unus Annus, 1:52, 10M (Nov 15th) - Introductory video explaining the premise of the channel.

2. Cooking with Sex Toys, 12:42, 4.6M (Nov 15th) - The guys buy a bunch of sex toys and use them to make some bacon, eggs and pancakes. Towards the end, someone spots Mark being fed while wearing a gag.

3. Purging Our Sins with a Neti Pot, 11:18, 4.8M (Nov 16th) - They clear their noses with Neti Pots, essentially flooding it and triggering a drowning sensation. Towards the end, the spiral screen appears where Mark and Ethan thank the audience for their initial reaction to the channel, which lead to the intro video becoming #1 on trending. They announce that if the channel reaches 1 million subscribers within a week, a viewer who helped spread the word will be hand delivered the button. Otherwise, Mark will have his nipples pierced.

4. Hot Dog'd To Death, 11:18, 3.3M (Nov 17th) - They attempt to eat 60 hot dogs in 10 minutes. Ethan struggles to work out how long 360 seconds is. The are certain Chica could beat Joey Chestnut's record of 71 any day.

5. Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank, 13:44, 2.7M (Nov 18th) - They filled a pool with salts, blindfold themselves and put headphones on. To mess around, they pretend to try drown each other.

6. The Good Kind of Cupping, 11:59, 2.7M (Nov 19th) - They attempt cup stacking. Mark is better at it than Ethan. The two of them end up trying to walk on all fours while wearing the cups like some sort of cryptid. This is also where they announce the winner of the 1M play button (Kingkasuma 2.0). The next challenge is also announced, get it to 2M subs within a week so a viewer has the chance to meet Mark and Ethan while appearing in a video or Ethan will destroy the Barrel with a bat.

7. The Bad Kind of Cupping, 13:36, 8.8M (Nov 20th) - Mark and Ethan place suction cups on each other. At one point, Ethan is unable to detach a cup and gets very stressed about it.

8. The Worst Kind of Cupping, 10:17, 3.1M (Nov 21st) - They react to Two Girls, One Cup before trying to see if they can find out where the girls are now. This is Mark’s first time watching it and he does not have a good time.

9. Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls, 7:30, 4.2M (Nov 22nd) - They plan to use those inflatable balls that you can run around in. Ethan struggles to inflate his so he goes to a shop to ask they can help him with a pump. The staff are nice and chuck it to him via a window. He reaches his car, only to realise he can't fit it in without deflating it a little. Ethan does indeed get kicked in the balls at the end.

10. Doing Each Other's Makeup in the Dark, 12:08, 2.2M (Nov 23rd) - Mark and Ethan blindly apply makeup to one another. There is a risk of blackface when Mark gets into the bronzer but Amy is able to warn him to be careful. Ethan uses blush for its intended purpose and as lipstick. When they look at themselves in a mirror, he compares himself to the little girl wearing makeup while in a carseat. You can tell Amy is the one editing due to her written comments.

11. Baby Hands Operation, 8:29, 2.7M (Nov 24th) - Mark and Ethan assemble and then play Operation while wearing baby hands. When Calamity Pete's buzzing annoys them, they begin waterboarding him and are only able to remove the foreign object after hitting him hard enough to accidentally project the piece. This is where the 'Oh My Fucking God' meme originates.

12. Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost, 18:02, 4M (Nov 25th) - This is framed as a kind of found footage documentary. While at Ethan’s home, they form a pentagram out of candles before playing Bloody Mary and Charlie Charlie. It ends with them getting attacked by a ghost.

13. 2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition, 16:49, 4.5M (Nov 26th) - They play 2 truths and a lie where getting it wrong means a body part gets waxed. The body part is determined by a spinning randomiser wheel. Korea is mentioned during both times the spinner lands on pubic hair.

14. Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise...), 12:24, 4.3M (Nov 27th) - Mark and Ethan buy Poopsie Sparkly Critters, a toy that will eject slime from either their butt (poop) or mouth (spit). They play around with the toys, adding glitter to the slime as instructed. This is the first time ‘Martha Maywho’ (Martha May Whovier from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas) is mentioned.

15. Play-Doh Thanksgiving, 10:35, 2.2M (Nov 28th) - They create a thanksgiving meal with only Play-Doh. A tray full of ‘food’ that are the appropriate colours is created, including a tiny live turkey made by Ethan. A mega turkey is also made using a conglomerate of the remaining Play-Doh. Mark and Ethan then sample their creation.

16. Helium Therapy, 14:55, 3.3M (Nov 29th) - The two of them inhale helium then discuss various topics, including how they’d kill each other, childhood misadventures and their romantic pursuits involving an abundance of Abigails (plus a Sarah).

17. Drawing Memes from Memory, 10:53, 2.6M (Nov 30th) - With drawing pads and scented coloured markers, Mark and Ethan attempt to draw old memes with Amy telling them their prompts.The ‘This is fine’ dog, dat boi, Rebecca Black, dancing baby, the Numa Numa guy, dikbutt, condescending Willy Wonka and trollface all make an appearence. They spend nearly as much time sniffing the markers as they do drawing.

[bagheerita]

So I just finished Empire of Gold and need to gush about The Daevabad Trilogy for a minute.

(I try to be vague, but that's exactly when I up and hit you with low-key SPOILERS, so be aware.)

My rambling is only barely organized into the format of randomly selected topics in order to provide a vague outline for my outflowing of affection for each book.

CITY OF BRASS

Favorite character: Definitely Nahri. I love a woman who isn't afraid to go after what she wants, and boy howdy do I love me a pragmatist. AND do I love me a girl who can keep her head on her shoulders even when she's in-lust with man. As much as she is truly falling in love with Dara, she never forgets the way he looked at her when he thought she was shafit and his relief when Ghassan said she wasn't. She would have married him if he had offered I think, but she was smart enough to make him take the first step to cross the gap that his prejudice had put between them.

Most impressive thing: The way the author uses her narrator to tell a story that the narrative character doesn't always fully understand. This mostly comes through Ali's chapters at this point cause he's a little naive, but it's really skillfully done.

 KINGDOM OF COPPER

Least favorite thing: There are some moments that just felt... weirdly written. There's three big ones that come to mind...

At the beginning- the way the writing describes the environment. I'm paraphrasing because it's been a week since I read it and I don’t remember details, but it's like "the only sound in the graveyard was the distant sound of cats fighting" then, five minutes later "The only sound was the sound of coins jingling in her basket."  Like, where were those coins five minutes ago?! Also, why does an experienced thief put coins in a jingly basket that is easy to steal or drop instead of hiding them on her person??? (That's super nitpicky, but it was the first chapter, so I noticed it more.)

The second big moment that annoyed me was... okay so Dara learns that Muntadhir is bisexual through mind-reading powers that he's never previously demonstrated? I mean, there are enough clues about how he does it, and it makes sense to the character's history that he can sense peoples’ desires, but it felt weird that this is the only time we really see him use this power- here, as the inciting incident to the third act, where so much of the plot revolves around it. Dara already knew that Ghassan was planning to force Nahri to marry Muntadhir, they'd already talked about this, so I'm not sure what about Muntadhir being in a relationship with a man, as opposed to the multiple women he’s slept with this week, was enough to make this prospect so immediately repugnant that Dara goes absolutely stupid about it and incites the climax of the book.

Then there's the epilogue that basically just exists to point out what we already learned about Muntadhir and Jamshid. I thought that was kind of unnecessary, as no one in this epilogue scene, including the reader, doesn't already know about this relationship. Though the epilogue does also contain what I think was supposed to be foreshadowing, but which sent me off on a weird mental tangent where I spent most of the second book thinking Jamshid was the reincarnation of Rustam...

Favorite character: Muntadhir, hands down. There is one scene in particular, where he sasses Dara while dying of poison that is just my favorite scene in the entire book. I mean, I think part of my enjoyment was that I had been worried that he was about to be a victim of the Bury Your Gays trope, so when he shows back up still not dead I was so relieved to see him I literally squeeeed, and then he's bragging to Dara about something I explicitly know didn't happen, just actively involved in assassinating his own character because he has nothing else he can give to save his brother at that point except trying to distract Dara by enraging him... omg, do I love me some brotherly feels- my second favorite scene was the three siblings in a closet plotting a coup.

Least favorite thing: Dara lying to himself and justifying Manizheh's actions for the entire book. I get that the fact that he was lied to and betrayed by the people in power that he should have been able to trust is a big part of his arc, but I was not excited to have his POV added to this book just to have him and everyone around him spout off more prejudiced victim narrative bullshit every time I flipped to his chapters, like I wasn't getting enough of that from practically every other character in the story.

Most impressive thing: The author draws some really great parallels and contrasts between the 3 main characters and their journeys that I absolutely love. In chapter 2, Nahri says something like "Where's your sense of adventure?" to her new friend and then literally in the next chapter Ali says "Have you no sense of inquisitiveness?" to his new friend. (I don't like to call ships that early in the story, but I was like- these two are fated to be best friends if not something more.)  A bit later in the story, Dara is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or to do the Right thing, and he chooses the easy path even though he knows that it's wrong. After this, Ali is presented with a choice: to do the easy thing or the Right thing, and he does the Right thing, even though he knows that it ultimately probably won't help. I just really love that this story always feels like every narrative POV and every chapter fully develops the character and contributes to the world. 

I also really love the twists and turns that Ali and Nahri’s relationship has taken over these first two books. They really have grown as individuals, and have believed the best and worst of each other, and understand each other in a way that is a great foundation for a truly lasting friendship (which is, of course, the best bedrock for building a more intimate relationship).

 EMPIRE OF GOLD

Favorite character: Sobek. I have a soft spot for unrepentant murderers who have a soft spot for the people they find interesting.

Least favorite thing: It ended? I know this book was long enough to be an entire trilogy on its own, but I would have loved more at the end from the side characters. Like, I want 100 more pages just about Jamshid and Muntadhir. I was explicit confirmation of what Zaynab and Aquisa are up to, and a sequel trilogy about their adventures. I want more about Fiza and what her plans are for the future. I want orchard shenanigans with Mishmish. I want more about Sudha and her family. I want more about Nahri conning everyone into making a functional government, and I want more about the trials of everyone in the city learning to not hate and judge as a first reflex. Just MORE!

Most impressive thing: Overall I was just impressed with this entire book. If I had to pick one thing, I would probably say I was most impressed, and pleasantly surprised, by Dara's ending. By this point in the story, I was certain that Dara had transgressed every transgression that it was possible to transgress, and lied to himself the entire way, only deciding upon the Right course of action when it was exactly 2 minutes too late, so I was prepared for him to find Redemption in Death. But once again I was pleasantly surprised at this story's refusal to follow popular story tropes, when it instead granted him true freedom as he perhaps had never known in his life, and the ability to choose who he would live that life in service of- choosing to help those who, like him, had been victims of the ifrit. 

I want more stories like this, about characters who are unforgivable, but who are forgiven- not by people or by those they have wronged, but by the narrative itself. Who are able and allowed to rededicate their lives to something, choosing to see their own actions and commit to helping people instead of just blindly following.

 OVERALL

Favorite character: I want to say Nahri, though I also really appreciate Ali and his quiet growth from being naive and kind of annoying to a man who is finally comfortable with and understands himself. But I think I’m going to have to choose Jamshid. I really like characters who are honest with themselves about their motivations, and I really admire his willingness to be open to change, to having his entire world and beliefs be turned upside down and try to go with the new way of being instead of holding on to the past, to confess his sins and be honest with Nahri, to believe in the people he knows rather than in what others say about them when Manizheh tries to manipulate him, to have been through everything he's been through and still retain a sense of humor and a generally upbeat personality.

The author does a good job of presenting all of the characters as fully rounded people so that there isn't really a character that I find poorly written. I definitely disagree with a lot of characters, and dislike them as individual people, and Manizheh comes the closest to being someone I truly hate, but you can see the paths that brought these people to be who they are. There are some great lines- where I think it's Nahri who notes that Ghassan's father make him like he was by his abuse, as he had twisted Manizheh  up with his own abuse, and that Muntadhir could have easily become just like his father. All people have the potential inside of them to be good or to be evil, and they are formed by the circumstances of their lives, the choices they make, and the power they give to the relationships they have.  I also loved that, once she learns the truth about her parents, Nahri notes how much of herself she gets from her Egyptian mother, just as much as she got her Nahid heritage from Rustam, and that it's a part of her that she can be proud of and celebrate.

 Most impressive thing: I don't like "realistic" fantasy, where lots of people die, because that tends to be an excuse for the book to just be really depressing. This story really surprised me by being realistic but in a way that was still full of hope. Sometimes people are terrible, or they are broken by the world and can no longer see anything beyond their pain, and a lot of the time the institutions we have created are terrible and are built on terrible things. But there is still always a need for people who do the right thing, who stand up for those who are being treated unfairly, who are willing to make sacrifices to break down the "us" and "them" that divides people. Who are willing to see change not as something to be feared but as a beautiful potential.

Least MOST favorite thing:  As Chakraborty herself notes in her afterward:  "There are days when it feels silly and selfish to spend my days crafting tales of monsters and magic. But I still believe, desperately, in the power of stories. If you take any message from this trilogy, I hope it is to choose what's right even when it seems hopeless - especially when it seems hopeless. Stand for justice, be a light, and remember what it is we were promised by the One who knows better.

“With every hardship comes ease."

I also believe in the power of stories, and I’m so excited to have been able to experience this one.  <3