#the same way it helps to know that im ND!
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juni-ravenhall · 1 year ago
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first off thats MY screenshot
second, this is no surprise since these sites are always garbage, but this boy is not isfp hes neither anxious nor creative enough. theres no hyperawareness or self expression going on. maybe esfp but hes not fun enough. i would bet closer to esfj bc hes pretty much just vibing. he likes life at the stables and doesnt have a strong core fighting for anything. being a natural horsewhisperer could be a Fe type of trait?
third, fully believe his enneagram is XwX or possibly UwU
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bunnihearted · 9 months ago
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🌧️🫧💭
#i shouldnt have fav mutuals bc i get sooo sad when they soft block me#which *always* happens like im not joking the day will come when they're just like nahhh bye#🥲🥲 nd i cant help but get sad#nd i dont even agree w that anon who said that 'no wonder everyone blocks u' bc im never mean to anyone#i think it's just bc im fundamentally unlikable and unlovable and the time will come when smth abt me#ticks them off nd nothing abt me is ever tolerated i always have to be perfect for everyone so then i just get cut off like dead weight lmao#also it shows that i get attached so easily but in reality ... ppl are not at all as attached to me 💀💀#like i care abt them but they dont care abt me nd it makes me feel so stupid#why do i so easily care for ppl?????? why do i have to care nd like ppl when it's always gonna end the same way#me being me is bad nd wrong and nobody could ever truly know me nd still like me#i have to live my life constantly hiding parts of myself and making sure im not too authentic or too open bc then i will make ppl dislike me#it rlly is that. im never mean. i never fight. ppl just see smth abt me nd go 'oh ewwwwww' nd then leave#nd if it hasnt already happened it will at some point nd im constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop#whenever i realize i say or did smth wrong im tense waiting for the moment where they'll leave me will arrive#ok this might sound silly bc i was like 'triggered' by smth small but like#all my life thats just how it's been. im not even mean or cruel. i just exist and ppl dont like me or who i am or what i think#i can never be truly myself anywhere. that is sure to result in being all alone 4ever. but i dont like hiding parts of myself#but i have to. but its hard when im trying to hide nd be lowkey but i still manage to make ppl dislike me T-T#idek what im supposed to do bc i just exist nd im not likable. i try to be that but im still not. idk what to do#anyway.. who cares.. j'appartiens seul#but yeah it is bc it's like this for me all the time nd ig that triggered me lmao#i mean just w my sisters.. their issue is just who i am. my personality. i havent been cruel to them. or bullied them. or put them down#they just get irritated from my personality nd who i am. thats what makes them mad. nd they kinda want me to just stop being me nd idk how#to do that and therefore we arent even talking. havent talked for a year#i wanna cry like????? what am i supposed to do??????? im so extremely fucking horrible that just by exisiting nd not being mean or cruel mak#es me unworthy of everything. idk idk like. omg i feel so stupid for being triggered by that#maybe if i had irl friends and a job and a life i wouldnt care but im a fucking loser failure worthless good for nothing idiot. ofc im this
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wanderingmausoleum · 1 year ago
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most annoying thing i’ve been seeing online lately is ppl in the adhd/autistic communities posting benign relatable posts and being inundated with comments from neurotypicals being like ummm everyone does that and you’re literally promoting harmful self diagnosis :// stop acting like everything is a symptom and it takes all my power not to tell them to shut the fuck up because not everything is about you, is the audhd community not allowed to make funny relatable posts without you insufferable cuntbags assuming the worst and reading shit into it that was never meant to be there
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arvoze · 1 year ago
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the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out
#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful .#ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time#i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll#and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done#i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head#it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months#i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon#if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general#like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider#literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up#ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs#i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do#also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags#i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho#anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all.#but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal#(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs#that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw#i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up)#i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly#i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG#mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes
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nomairuins · 3 months ago
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i do need 2 work on rewiring my brain so that my immediate very first thought whenever i dont do a small task (like brushing ny teeth taking a shower picking up my room etc) isnt 'We Should Kill Connor ." this would be pretty good for me to do. putting this on the list
#its difficult. i used to be rly good abt not doing kms type jokes bc i did when i was younger and then i stopped bc of um . stuff#nd i think it rly was good for me nd then ykw started making them a LOT and now i do them constantly and ik itis bad for me like. as a guy#whos been suicidal since i was 7. yk. ik itisnt good for me but its hard#idk. i need 2 try 2 stop making them again. like idt ppl who make them r evil I personally dont tend to use them very seriously#it rly is judt a like. Ugh something annoying happened i should kms. but like. witht he we should kill connor joke its Less and less a joke#and more just feeding into ummmmm. the bad parts of my thing that i have to be vague abt so ppl dont worry.#Im not planning anything its not that. its just a belief i have that is ummm concerning to many but very comforting to me and keeps me sane#but i dont like 2 talk abt it . bc ppl tend to get worried its rly not anything that bad its judt likeee. I know that thing is true and#there isnt anything i can do to stop it from happening so i made peace with it ages ago and its comforting that i dont have 2 like. worry#abt whatll happen bc ik whatll happen#sry im being vague ive like. i think ive mentioned it a couple times and ppl get very concerned (my old psych literally told me verbatim#That sounds so terrifying.) and likeee. there have been times its scared me a lot like i can remember a few times i woke up having a panic#attack bc i didnt want to do it but i know thats whatll happen and its fine. but it wont be any time soon#it keeps me from doing anything honestly bc like. why rush FJFNFJNFNik itll happen eventually no matter what i do so even when it gets bad#enough i think abt it im like. yk. it helps. i kind of lost a bit of vagueness. please dont worry abt it fr like. it keeps me sane it keeps#me calm. but anyways i say all this to sayyyy that like. idk it might be a while b4 i commit to trying to stop making jokes like that just#bc like. i have a lot of other stuff abt me i need 2 fix first but i think it would probably be good for me if i stopped. sigh. which suck#bc like its been said time and time again that like. Im going to kms is just like. it encapsulates feelings very well there r like no other#exclamations that fit. aside from the like. Krill my shellfish type things but thats the reason i slipped back into just saying kms in rhe#first place so. UGH. and theres so many fucking stupid tjmblr ones. like no im not going to sub Kys for Go step on a lego >_< bc like... im#not 1. 5 or 2. 27. the 2 ages i think ppl would say shit like that.#sry my vendetta against 27 year olds is neverending idk i just dont like whatever happens to tumblr users of dhat age. ive mentioned it#several times inwont go into it and im probably near out of tags anyway#ive got 7 more spend em wisely one supposes. idk. its just difficult. ik its judt words and shit and im sure i cn come up with good#alternatives. theres judt like not any rhat r like the same vibe without also reinforcing My stuff in an unhealthy way. idk. idkk#like not that making kms jokes is gonna make me do it anytime soon but like yk . ik i cant blame my self loathing spike on this alone#bc ive like. Beeeeeeeen going through some stuff thats contributing way more#but i do think before i started making these jokes again my self loathing and like. rhe amt of time i thought abt it was less . idk#sui ment#<- jic i tried not to be like. too much. but you know
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5-htagonist · 3 months ago
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l@imari has a place in my heart fr
#m/f ways? Extremely Bisexual. f/f ways? smirks...#cannot help but project my autism gender/sexuality onto laios due to woke#1. gender is extremely constructed and not directly correlated to personality all the time. though i generally find gnc people more#attractive regardless of gender but it depends. 2. i despise the social expecation of sex and gender and i think no matter my sex assigned#would probably be trans because i dont feel specifically Male but i refuse and reject being defined by my body and social rules regarding i#social rules chafe my assssssssssss i get ittttt pretty feathers cute little dance watever courting is weird#Why do people suppress themselves?their interests? why is fun childish? these are things that play into our gender perception too#i have genuinely come to believe autistic people and other NDs serve just as important a social function as things like social cohesion and#that is not having the same instinct to fit in as is appropriate#because sometimes fitting in isnt appropriate whether youre conscious of it or not i think its just stupid we cant play tuoys#once were too old or its weird#SIGHS. this became more about me than l@imari.#anyways. thats why i like tfem laios i dont think shed even bother thinking about who specifically she likes genderwise shed be distracted#with other stuff whether the Gender the King stuff or a romantic exploit#no matter how much i think on it i cant define my sexuality#i like droopy or unique eye shapes#i like muscles and fat#i like long hair i like larger lips i like gentleness and conscientiousness and openness and it always goes like this lol#i prefer my men feminine and my women masculine but not always#umm oh body hair <3 <3 <3 <3 and tits. not of any particular size but they gotta be good.#i know genitals that look more pleasing to the eye from ones that are less. they arent all just weird and ugly to me or anything but#other than that stuff i dont think i can call myself bi or pan because its not just about personality and gender does matter in ways but#IDK im nonbinary and gay so whatever its no matter... i think i would get a weird sense of euphoria if a nb/gnc lesbian was attracted to m
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toytulini · 7 months ago
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lightly defending Toshiro while also fully understanding Laois frustrations. as a bitch who let teachers call me the wrong name all through high school cos it was kinda funny
#toy txt post#i knew it wasnt their fault they just dealt with So Many Names and i couldve corrected them and i used to#but the thing is that it just kept happening w so many teachers??#so i was like fine whatever idc that much. but also they did usually remember my name if there was someone in the class who actually#had the wrong name they usually called me. i think bc it would stick in their heads more since they had to differentiate so instead of#looking at me and going [letter] name......[common name starting with that letter that isnt mine]#theyd look at me and go [letter name].....but theres 2 names in that class with that letter and theyre different and this one is Not the#easy more common one. [gets name correct]#what really would throw me is when theyd try a DIFFERENT but i think still more common name with the same letter and then lile#like*. sorry bud im not used to that one i cant help u there#my favorite was the print production teacher who USUALLY GOT MY NAME RIGHT (i think smaller class size helped?)#who called me the more common one that im not used to and then stared at me in puzzlement and he was like#why did i do that. thats not your name. and i was just like lmao idk bro#anyway. this has been a really annoying way to discuss this event without actually revealing my name but#its not quite a deadname now but like. as far as yall are concerned im Toy. if you know me irl you almost certainly know it tho#and if youve been following me long enough you could probably know it cos i was less careful about it when i was younger#if youre like burningly curious and we're mutuals u can dm me ig and ill tell u just dont call me that lol#oh if u have me on fb u know it for sure unless u forgot and you see me (rare and unlikely on fb) nd youre like who the fuck is that#it probably wouldnt be hard to guess even. but whatever. if u feel the need to guess (why) just do me a favor and do it via#dm or ask or smth lmao#ALSO: uhhh i try not to tag this anymore cos it feels like its not coming across the way its intended and it has a weird vibe to tag these#days but i feel like this post could use the 'Im a white person this experience im referencing is with a layer of white privilege#and i understand that for many ppl of color or ppl with non english names this happens and its less funny#altho i think due to the vastness of human experience there are probably ppl with non english names who have this happen but it doesnt#affect them strongly and they just laugh it off and part of me wonders how much of that has to do with how much you LIKE and Identify with#your given name WHICH i ALSO recognize can be a more nuanced experience for someone with a non english name thats like#got cultural significance ETC. okay THERE. the annoying disclaimer that pisses everyone off bc everyone HATES disclaimers now.#just imagine. i could be writing these disclaimers for a FICTIONAL ROMANCE BOOK IVE WRITTEN. and wouldnt#that piss you off more? new disclaimer to piss you off more: i understand this is my personal blog and im not obligated to provide a#fuck i was gonna do another disclaimer as a bit but i ran out of tags! fuck okay bye. youll have to make up the joke disclaimer
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29121996 · 1 year ago
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ninguitar · 9 days ago
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ROCKSTAR GIRLFRIEND, 𓈒𓈒 lara day !!!
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pairing. lara raj x f!r genre. fluff wc. 800+ notes. heard lara say sumn ab being a rockstar gf nd knew i NEEDED to make this rn esp w how she sang pink + white already !! 🥹 ( MASTERLIST. )
now playing ⋆ pink + white by frank ocean
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as a musician, lara always wanted to have your input on any of her demos, frequently dragging you to the studio at night. and tonight was like no other evening, your clock reading 12 in the morning.
your phone quietly notifies you beneath the sheets, as you rub your temples, a myriad of frenzy notifications from your girlfriend appearing on your lockscreen.
[ lara ♡ ] come to the studio asap !!! need ur opinions ( 11:45 pm ) [ lara ♡ ] missed uuuu 🫂🫂 ( 11:46 pm ) [ lara ♡ ] are u awake… hello ?? 😭😭😭 ( 11:47 pm ) [ lara ♡ ] PLEASE 💔💔 might shave my head if u dont respond ( 12:05 am )
god, even through text lara was spewing out silly remarks; she knew how much you loved her goofy comments. with your hand set on your phone keyboard, you type out equally silly, frantic messages to lara.
[ y/n ] im awake im awake😭😭 lara wtf !!! dont shave ur head ill miss running my fingers thru ur hair💔💔 ( 12:21 am ) [ y/n ] ill be there soon im changinf rn baby🙏 okayy love u byeeee ( 12:21 am )
even when these late evenings spent listening to lara's demos became frequent, neither of you couldn't help but savor the moment, knowing how packed your guys' schedules usually were.
strong senses of gratitude always came back to the two of you, whenever you guys could spend even a minute with one-another, where lara wanted to have your plush lips against hers forever.
grabbing a random sweater from your closet, you slide it over your torso, hastily grabbing your car keys. turning on the car ignition, you hurriedly drive over to the studio, the street lights strobing through your windows.
parking near the entrance, you wait to be buzzed in through the door, while the breezy air began to drift against your face, feeling your nose getting red. texting lara, you try to heat yourself up, regretting not wearing a heavier sweater.
[ y/n ] where are you? ( 12:47 am )
before you could send another message, lara comes rushing out the door, her arms hastily snaking around your waist, with her neck buried against the nook of your neck. a barely audible, mumbled "missed you," escapes the red-haired girl's throat.
you squeak under your breath, as you try to drag her into the building, your nose gradually becoming redder from the bleak coldness.
"it's cold, why didn't you just wait for me in the car?" the indian girl murmurs, her hands cupping your jaw to emphasize her words. a gentle smile tugs the corners of your lips at the girl's heartwarming worry.
you squeeze her hand in assurance, as you press your lips against lara's plush ones, while she drags you into the studio. the indian girl sits you down on the couch, pulling in a seat for herself.
she pulls out a guitar case that sat to the right of her, as a playful grin adorns her face, a guitar pick in her ring-clad hand.
you eagerly sat down on the couch, your leg crossing over the other, as heat flares on your cheeks at lara beginning to strum to the slow rhythm, anticipating for her melodic voice.
NOW PLAYING: PINK + WHITE BY FRANK OCEAN
your heart practically jumps out of your chest from the indian girl's voice raising high, following the sweet, up-beat notes of her guitar. your mouth holds agape, enthralled by your girlfriend's beauty and the intoxicating melody.
"that's the same way you showed me, showed me/you showed me love." ♬
"glory from above/regard my dear." ♬
with the music swelling, you couldn't help but swoon even more for lara raj, your eyes softening at the fact that she spent time perfecting the song. lara's angelic, dulcet voice accompanied by the melody causes a cascade of sweet, exhilarating memories to emerge.
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"god, you are surreal," you mumble, as your hand curls around lara's wrist, pulling her onto your lap, as she rids herself of the guitar, "you're drop-dead gorgeous, y'know that?"
you couldn't help but feel tears brim your eyes, as you bury your head against the crook of the indian girl's neck, murmuring out long strings of praise. your hands find themselves to her hair, entangling them in her red tresses.
"sooo… did you like it?" a chuckle escapes her breath, as her hand rests on the back of your neck, meekly drawing circles on it with her thumb. her hand gently pulls your head to meet you face-to-face, her hand now cupping your jaw.
in lieu of an answer, you swiftly press your lips against hers, your actions taking lara's breath away. her lips were confident and passionate against yours, reciprocating the feverish desire you had for her.
"have i ever told you how gorgeous you are?" you drawl out against her lips, as the indian girl huffs, her lips hastily moving back to yours with an urgency, conquering yours with a fervor that left you wanting more.
"i missed you," lara raj professes, as you both lay down on the couch, your eyes locking onto hers, and continuing, she murmurs, "that's my sweater, isn't it?" which elicits a series of giggles from the two of you.
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that's the way everyday goes
every time we lose no control
taglist. ୨ৎ @lararajjj @kisshae @sed7ction
@jellaaa @yeetaberry127 @angelixstorm
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princessbrunette · 10 months ago
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Sunshine!Reader just adores rafe. like i imagine she’s a friend of sarah who has always had a crush on her cool older brother, following him around and watching his every move cs she’s so obsessed with him x rafe who is nonchalant at his very core & basically just ignores her presence even when she’s practically hanging off his arm & living in his skin. “Why is it that everytime i turn around, you’re there?” he just raises his eyebrow at her. “i’m not your friend, kid.” - 🍄
no bc im salivating …….. hang on let me cook
₊˚🦢✩ 🎀⊹☁️♡
sunshine!reader who’s always at the cameron home because her home life is bad— more specifically, daddy issues !! it’s a wonder how you’re so sweet n happy toward the people around you when you’re being treated so poorly!
you follow rafe around like a lost puppy, because duh — his nonchalance hurts you in all the right ways that just makes you crave his attention more, a product of your bad relationship with your father. you’re over at tannyhill more and more, increasingly without sarah being there as she starts a life with the pogues— but you don’t mind, happy anywhere as long as you’re not at home.
“are you goin’ anywhere today rafe? can i come?” you seemingly pop out of nowhere in the kitchen, startling him as he closes the fridge— clutching his chest for effect.
“jesus, why is it everytime i turn around you’re there? ‘you ever go n’hang around at your own house or what?” he busies himself, carrying a carton of juice in one hand and moving you out the way with the other as he passes.
“i prefer to be here! hanging out with you!” you chirp and he stops in the doorway, turning to look at you.
“kid, i’m not your friend. a’ight?” he drawls before heading out, the same time his father is entering the room. ward sends you a sympathetic look before he’s trailing after rafe.
“son you gotta be nice to the girl. i didn’t raise you like that.” he nags, speeding up to walk in time with the younger man.
“why? she’s practically living rent free here, should be able to talk to her how i want.” rafe complains, uncapping the carton and taking a swig.
“her home life, it’s not great.” he lowers his voice, swivelling his head round to make sure you weren’t lurking. “she’s — she’s sarah’s friend. i’m taking pity on her, think her dad doesn’t treat her all too well.” he rambles and rafes movements slow to stop, eyes trailing up to meet his fathers, suddenly attentive.
“huh.” he speaks, sinister intrigue occupying his gaze which his father barely picked up on. he continued speaking but rafe had heard all he needed to hear, concocting ways to use this to his advantage.
the opportunity presented itself sooner than he was expecting once he’d got you backed up against the wall in the hallway a few days later, practically pinning you there.
“you— you know it’s time you start respecting me if you wanna be hangin’ out around here. especially now my dads on his trip. i’m older than you, the man of the house now and — and that means you answer to me.” he drawls, quiet and intimate— so close his breath warms your face as you blink up at him.
“i do listen to you rafe.” you chime, losing a little bit of pep in your step under his intimidating gaze. you knew something was up, but you couldn’t help but melt — finally feeling like rafe gave a shit about you. that he was going to save you.
“wanna see you actin’ like it from now on… you know i realised,” his finger comes to his temple, lightly tapping. “you’re missin’ something. someone to guide you. an authority figure… ‘nd it must be your lucky day ‘cus i can be just that. you’ll… be in good hands.” he now drags his finger lightly down the side of your face, scooping round to beneath your chin to lift it.
“i thought you said you didn’t wanna be my friend.” you whisper, eyes flickering between his mouth and his eyes, the proximity tempting.
“didn’t say we would be friends… i was thinking something a little more… hands on.” his drops his voice to a mere whisper, hovering his lips right over yours. you give in to the urge, craning up and pressing your lips against his, which he lets slide for maybe two seconds — before drawing back and slapping you, grabbing your jaw instantly to bring your gaze back.
you gasp, tears springing to your eyes, usual smile wiped from your expression even more so now. “you don’t… you don’t do that without my permission. alright? i said you answer to me now.” he grits his teeth, squeezing your jaw just a little harder making your brows furrow in fear.
he ends up not being too mean on you, especially when you’re later cumming around his cock, the oldest cameron forcing you to call him ‘dad’ whilst you do so.
₊˚🦢✩ 🎀⊹☁️♡
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tvgals · 1 year ago
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‘ I AM THE COWBOY … ‘
myaa note — someone pls understand the title. ALSO I NEVER SEE ANY FLOCH FICS SO I MUST DELIVER …
synopsis — floch always spoils you n helps you with whatever you need, but when he sees your new attitude, he decides to postpone on his spending.
@punkologist
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“baby, please jus’ buy me the bag!” you plead with your boyfriend. he just shakes his head in disapproval. “nope. you getting too spoiled. when you change that attitude, you can get whatever you want.” floch says, rubbing your thigh and scratching your head, his fingers getting lost in your head of curls.
floch was right. you’d been acting cockier than ever, deciding to post pictures on instagram where you’re practically naked, wearing only a mini skirt and what can barely be considered a crop top, the picture showing the slight glint of your promise ring that sat on your ring finger. “no, my attitudes been the same!” you argue, looking up at your boyfriends eyes. “no it hasn’t. quit lyin’ to me. i seen your texts to yo friends, sayin’ im gon’ get you this and that. imagine how you look now that you ain’t gone get it at all.” floch shrugs his shoulders, his eyes fixed on the tv.
you scrunch your face up at the thought of not getting what you want. you push yourself off of floch. he shoots you a glare and sits up on his elbows. “you just hate me don’t you?” you ask, your lip jutting out, tears threatening to fall. floch knew all about your dramatics, your ways to get into his head, and he was having none of it. “you just want me to be miserable for the rest of my life, huh? i hate you!” you accuse your boyfriend, a sultry grin on his face. you stomp your way to your shared bedroom, slamming the door to make a point. floch chuckles to himself, laying back down on his hands, watching the tv.
after a while of waiting for you to come back out, floch stands up and takes a deep breath, walking to the bedroom where you resided. “baby.” floch called out as firm yet gentle as he could. “hmph.” you grunted, showing disinterest into the conversation you know you’re about to have. “don’t ignore me.” floch mumbles, crawling up on the bed behind you. he turns your body onto your back and looks down at you, your tear stained cheeks breaking his heart.
“you’re fine, mama. it’s alright.” floch says, pressing kisses along your neck. “no it’s not..” you sniffle, looking away from your boyfriend. “it’s gon’ have to be alright.” he says, pushing your shirt up. “you’re so beautiful, could never hate my pretty girl.” he mumbles against your skin, still pressing kisses to your torso. once he gets to your pelvis, he looks up at you with those beautiful brown eyes. “can i? i know you hate me oh so much…” floch grins. your eyes widen and you curl your toes. “of course you can…i didn’t mean it i promise…” you whine. “mhm.” he hums. floch strips you of your sweatpants and panties, throwing them onto the floor.
he delves his head between your legs, his hands holding onto your thighs. he tongue fucks you for a few minutes, knowing you can’t possibly only get off to only that. he moans into your pussy, pressing wet kisses to your pretty heat. “my pretty mama..” floch moans. he ruts his hips into the mattress, pre cum leaking from his pink tip.
“please fuck me…” you whine, arching your back. floch snarls at your demand, deciding to retract from your pussy. you start to cry at the sudden loss of pleasure. “w-why’d you st-op?” you ask, frowning. “don’t demand shit from me after saying you hate me n shit.” floch laughs at you. you cry and whine at this, facing away from him. before he leaves out the room he looks at you, “‘nd don’t even try to touch yourself.” and floch walks away as your legs shake in desperation. floch — who was rather unbothered — plopped back onto the couch. you glared at the door that your boyfriend just left out of. you sat there for a while, making sure he wouldn’t come back inside. you opened your legs up and brought your other one to play with your nipples. “fuck..” you whispered, plunging two of your fingers into your sweet cunt. you tried your hardest to cover up your moans to no avail.
floch knew what you were doing, and he’d hate to say it made him hard. he grinned and turned the tv up, just so you get the illusion he can’t hear you at all. once you finally came with a strained moan, you fall asleep almost immediately. a few hours later floch walked in to see your sleeping body, your cunt still out for display. he smiles at the scene and kissed your forehead before cuddling up behind you and tucking you under the covers.
the next morning it’s safe to say you woke up with a louis vuitton purse on your nightstand with a note that read-
‘next time be quieter.’
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devoted-horror · 1 month ago
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May I request a reader that hides behind them when she is overwhelmed or doesn’t wanna deal with people ? For Charles’s lee ray , Vincent Sinclair , the doctors and trickster (seperetly) fluff plz
a/n: it's pretty short sadly but i hope u enjoy it!! <3 anyways have u guys seen jiwoon nd yunjin's upcoming halloween cosmetics.... guys..... guys im down bad for them i fear...
includes: charles lee ray, vincent sinclair, the doctor, and the trickster.
warnings: typical slasher and dbd warnings, mentions of murder, i think it's pretty much just fluff but there might be some undertones of darker stuff?? like very very vague undertones that you'll probably honestly miss but. just stating it, in case.
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CHARLES LEE RAY
Charles would, in all honesty, probably tease you for hiding behind him of all people whenever you get overwhelmed. It wouldn't be malicious teasing or anything like that, though he definitely doesn't know when to stop.
In the beginning of your relationship, he probably won't say it, but he likes that you feel safe enough to hide behind him like this.
He'll definitely act annoyed every time you hide behind him, maybe even roll his eyes, but don't let this fool you because he's shielding you away from the rest of the world and keeping you hidden from anyone who may be around.
And if you hide behind him because there's someone around that you're trying to avoid or that you just flat out don't want to deal with at the moment, then trust that Charles will take care of it.
He's not going to immediately resort to murder, so you don't have to necessarily worry about that, but depending on who it is and how they treat you, then yeah.
They may die.
It's an act of romance from him, by the way.
Nothing says 'I love you' quite like killing anyone who inconveniences you in some sort of way. He is a serial killer, after all. How else is he supposed to be romantic?
In all seriousness though, Charles does try to make you feel at ease whenever you find yourself hiding behind him.
He'll crack a few jokes, tell random stories of the past crimes he's committed, anything that'll help you feel less overwhelmed.
VINCENT SINCLAIR
Vincent is the only one here who would truly understand why you hide behind him, I think. He knows what it's like to be overwhelmed, wanting to hide away from everyone. It's why he spends most of his time in the basement.
He would never judge you for this, like... at all. He actively encourages you to do it, if anything else, because he wants you to do whatever makes you comfortable.
If he can help you feel less overwhelmed, then he will. If somebody has been bothering you enough to make you feel this way, then trust that he will not hesitate to step in.
Tourist, Bo, Lester, it doesn't matter. You're his top priority more often than not these days.
Shit, he'll put himself in time out if he somehow contributes to making you feel this way. He'd feel genuinely awful if he made you feel overwhelmed, honestly.
When he's overwhelmed, he finds that absently drawing helps to calm him down. He knows that not everyone finds comfort in the same thing, but he'll definitely offer you a pencil and paper if he thinks it might help.
But if you'd rather just make yourself comfortable behind him, then he doesn't mind. He'll continue whatever he was doing with no issue.
Though... if he's in the middle of turning someone into a wax figure, he'd rather you not be around during that. And you obviously can't hide behind him when there are tourists in town, because like... obviously.
But other than that, you're free to use him as a little shield from the world whenever you need.
It makes his heart feel warm inside knowing you feel comfortable enough around him to go to him whenever you feel like this. It makes him feel like he's doing a good job at this whole dating thing.
THE DOCTOR
Herman is a bit of an enigma here because while I don't necessarily think he'd mind you hiding behind him like this whenever you're overwhelmed, he's also not the nicest person to know.
Lover or not, he isn't the type to be nice when it comes to words. He's a genius and views himself as better than everyone else, and you aren't an exception.
Personally, he's never felt overwhelmed. Like... never. He had everything he wanted growing up, and he truly never believes he's in the wrong, even if he is, so he's never had that sort of anxiety either. The only time he's ever felt anxious was when he knocked his classmate out for the first time, he thinks.
So, while he doesn't understand it on an emotional level, Herman does understand it on a scientific level. A part of him can't help but want to pick you apart and study your brain for somehow finding comfort in hiding behind him, but he doesn't.
Herman loves you. At least, he thinks this is love. A considerable amount of tolerance, if not.
This habit of yours is just one of the many things he's not sure he'll ever truly understand when it comes to you. It's... frustrating, just a bit. You're an enigma to him. An anomaly.
He's never been a big fan of anomalies. Yet here you are, hiding behind him as if he were someone who would protect you from harm.
He'd destroy the minds of the many for you, he thinks.
Being who he is, both before and after the fog, you're bound to be safe if you stick by him.
So, while Herman doesn't understand why you feel safe around him, or why he doesn't mind your behavior, he certainly isn't going to make you stop.
THE TRICKSTER
Jiwoon is... not really gonna understand why you hide behind him whenever you're overwhelmed. He thrives under attention, positive or negative, so he can't wrap his mind around how you get overwhelmed by it.
But he most thrives under your attention, so having you hide behind him every time you're overwhelmed or done with people in general really just... feeds into his ego.
So if this is before the fog, it's definitely not something you can do in public.
Jiwoon doesn't care, he really doesn't, but as an idol, dating is like... not really acceptable in the industry, and Yunjin would literally have his ass if he was caught being lovey-dovey with someone and it wasn't part of a publicity stunt of some sort.
He does understand what it's like not wanting to deal with people though, even if he does thrive under their attention. He literally killed a sasaeng because they were stalking him, so like...
I don't think he'd explicitly offer to kill someone for you if they put you in a state of being overwhelmed, mostly because he keeps his whole killer business a secret but, I mean, he would kill for you.
The moment he finds out who has you feeling so overwhelmed, be it by you telling him yourself or by other means, they will be dealt with.
And when the person who has been stressing you out so much lately is suddenly found murdered, Jiwoon is right there to help you deal with the overwhelming shock that may come with the situation.
Not long after the gruesome murder, The Trickster releases a love song with haunting background vocals. Fans and critics alike are trying to figure out who the mysterious voice is, but no dice.
No matter, fog or not, he will be a loving boyfriend and let you hide behind him however you please. Your attention, more often than not, is one of the only things that matter to him.
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chososdiscordkitten · 9 months ago
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Obsessive!Choso♡ pt 11
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pt 10 here
Content: direct cont of last chap, reader wears heels, implied reader has boobies O-O, soooo much hand holding it should be considered lewd, 2 pics to help see what I picture (underlined text), date hehe, reader wouldn't mind if Choso kidnapped them 0-0, they play battle ship, jokingly implied Choso is an escort(?), reader is kinda mean, reassurance, idk just my usual bs??? just reader nd Choso being cute man what else can I say. Word Count: 11.9k (wtf, im sorry)
(a.n) this was so long, I know, pls excuse any mistakes- I underestimated how hard it was to edit something longer than 5k words. ALSO???? take this as a celebration of me hitting 1k followers!! yayyy
Taglist: @eristi @sunaumi @ex-ria @just-pure-trash @kha-0s @iluvreinah @iamboredowo @integers @waytootiredforthisss @1arminsimp @hannas16 @chosowhore @tojicvmslut @ofalcaodacolinablue @thesharkcollector @mochipip @hotvillianapologist @ziklope @saeline @morinuu @b3llair3 @24hrnanami
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After you left his apartment, Choso’s mind blared with the possibility of you being kidnapped- only to find solace in the small red dot blinking on his phone. Cautious eyes watching as he expected it to move- but no. It stayed still at a restaurant right outside of campus. Choso wanted to desperately leave behind those incessant urges to follow you- to make sure you were safe. 
Knowing that his day of reckoning would come. Choso knew that if he kept following you- the day would come when you’d see him. And he wanted to trust you now that things were starting to advance. 
There was nothing he wanted more than to trust you, to trust that you could take care of yourself- 
But everytime he’d try to ignore the blaring ‘warning’ signs in his mind. He’d remember every time he watched you walk home without caution, every horror story he read of people getting kidnapped and trafficked- and on the occasions where Choso couldn't shake off the invading thoughts, your voice would haunt his mind.
Overwhelming his brain as he tried to focus on what you were saying- your whispering voice making his brain pound in his skull as he watched that blinking dot.
Choso had to call you- if he couldn't run out of his apartment and find you- the least he could do was call you. Feeling like one of your clingy ‘friends’ as the phone rang, his pointer finger picking at the side of his thumb as he closed his eyes. All but praying for you to answer, opening his eyes as he heard the receiver being picked up, 
“I was just thinking about you-” he spoke, hearing your angelic laugh ring through his ears. ‘I left like 20 minutes ago.’ you teased, “I know-” he mumbled “What're you doing?” he continued, not in the mood to dance around what he wanted to hear, ‘uh- I'm at..lunch with a friend.’ you hesitated. –
‘What're you doing, Choso?’ you asked, confused as to where this was going. Choso let out a half laugh from his chest. “M’sitting in the dark thinking about you.” he professed, pressing his hand to his forehead and hearing you laugh at the serious tone he took. ‘Sounds healthy.’ you joked back with a playful tone, closing his eyes and thinking. Your tone was kind- speaking sweetly as you normally did. But. You hesitated.
The same way you hesitate whenever you refer to him as your friend. 
“M’sorry. I just wanted to hear your voice.” he sniffled, “Tell your friend I say hi.” hearing your smile when you replied a quick ‘Okay.’ at his request. 
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The conversation of the date was a rough one. Sitting in his apartment as you played chess. The timing was horrible- sure. The econd week of February left an unavoidable holiday sitting in front of you. “We can wait...till after if you want.” he offered a solution as he moved a pawn. 
“It's not so much the day for me.” you admitted, scanning the wooden chest pieces on your side of the checkerboard. “If you want- we can wait till after.” rephrasing his words as you watched his eyebrows furrow, “S’the same for me.” mentally chanting ‘pleasepleasepleaseplease’ as you pondered. 
And with those words- the date was set for Valentines day. Which made Choso believe there really was a god from how well this turned out. And you're thinking of moving out from that house full of idiots- and into the small apartment complex as his neighbor.
For the first time in Choso’s life he felt like life dealt him a good hand.
When it came to actually thinking about what to do- he didn't want to ask you. Knowing you were indecisive on what you were eating for lunch that day- so he didn't want to plague you with planning a date he owed you. Checking his bank account and barely seeing enough for a stack of pancakes in the town diner. 
Choso contemplated it. He thought about it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons in his mind before going into his closet and reaching into a pair of boots that were 3 sizes too small for him. Finding the thinning wad of cash he was looking for. The so-called ‘rainy day fund’ thinned every time he ran out of money for the month.
But this was worth it, you, were worth it. So he pulled the rubber band from the roll of cash, slowly counting the bills in his hands to be sure he didn't miss count. 
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The next time you saw Choso you asked him what his plan was- “Just be ready by 7.” he smiled to himself, already picturing you on that day. 
Furrowing your eyebrows before speaking, “Well-” you scoffed “what are we doing?”
“It's a surprise.” he grinned, looking down at the stupid game you called ‘Candy Land’ 
You sighed dramatically, “Choso, I hate surprises.” as you stared at the little pieces of plastic on the colorful board. “Atleast tell me what to wear.” you insisted, seeing his lips flash a pearly smile to you. 
“Wear whatever you want- I’m sure you’ll look great.” he scoffed, holding the little piece of plastic between his fingers, making it hop as he counted the squares. 
“Well if you're taking me to a nice restaurant and I'm wearing a t-shirt nd jeans- not gonna be very fun. Or if you're taking me to a horse race-” Choso laughed at your assumptions, “And I open the door in a dress and heels? Then what?” you threw the possibilities at him as he smiled at your nervousness. 
“It's a first date- I wanna make a good impression.” You mused, earning a half laugh from his chest. “C’mon-” you batted your eyelashes at him, trying to convince him to tell you what he was planning.
Nodding his head at your coercion that was working better than you thought, “You're terrible.” he whispered, making your pouting grin turn into a toothy smile. “Wear something nice-” he avoided your eyes, moving the character on the squares again as you listened carefully, “Bring a coat- weather app says it's gonna be cold.” He instructed.
“Do I eat beforehand?” you grinned, seeing his jaw clench at your question, “Hmm- No.” you smiled at how a few pleads convinced him to tell you. 
“How nice should I dress then?” pressing the issue with a winning smile on your face as you moved your plastic character, pleased at how easily he was to convince. “Atleast tell me that.” Choso looked at you and pondered the question, before nodding his head ‘no’. Knowing he's already said too much. 
You pouted playfully at his denial, “Just a hint- just oneee.” seeing his eyes look over your face, “I’ll even settle for one word.” he thought of a word to use, staring at you as he skimmed through words in his mind. 
“Wear something- striking.” he squinted as he settled on the word.
With raised eyebrows you started, “Striking huh?” in a teasing tone the choice of word he used, “Must be some first date to wear something striking.” your borderline bullying caused Choso to regret his choice of telling you anything. 
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On the 13th of february, just one day before your date- Choso facetimed his baby brother Yuuji, knowing out of all 9, he was probably the best one to call about this delicate topic. 
“What about this?” he holding a black knit sweater to his chest while looking at the screen, Yuuji let out a snicker- ‘If you like it-’ his tone was snide- almost mockingly as Choso tossed the knit onto his bed, staring at the pile of clothing that he had gone through. 
Showing him a band t-shirt from one of his drawers and hearing Yuuji let out a small laugh before he tossed the t-shirt on his already messy bed. “You're no help.” 
‘M’not here to helppp-’ Yuuji droned on, “That's precisely why I called you, Yuuji.” Choso retorted in a stern tone, not enjoying the game his brother was trying to play, slipping on a black dress shirt and doing up the tiny buttons.
‘Didn't you wear that to your graduation?’ he heard from the phone with a half laugh forming in his brother's words. “Can you tell?” straightening his back and seeing the fabric flex against his chest and shoulders, ‘Looks a lil tight buddy.’ Yuuji held back a laugh, being able to see the buttons strain and form small openings down his chest.
With an exasperated sigh he looked back to the mess on his bed, “I don't know what to wear.”
‘The dark navy button down you wore to parent teacher conferences and black slacks.’ Yuuji spat quickly, ‘Hey when am I gonna meet this person?’ Smiling as he changed the topic, “When you stop being so nosy.” Choso muttered, looting through his closet and finding the button up Yuuji was talking about. 
Unbuttoning the taut buttons and slipping off the small shirt. Tossing it onto the pile of discarded options before slipping on the better fitting dress shirt, doing up the small buttons and looking in the mirror, ‘I'm not nosy-’ Yuuji laughed, ‘Excuse me for trying to find out who’s involved in my big brothers life-’ enunciating the words. Attempting to make Choso feel bad for scolding him. 
“If you ever come out here- I'll introduce them to you.” he looked at the top two buttons that were undone, trying to decide whether or not to do them.
‘I'm on the next flight out.’ Yuuji quipped, making Choso scoff.
 “No Yuuji. Go to school.” Choso demanded, knowing he was skipping more than a handful of classes. ‘One day I’ll fly out there and you won't be able to say no to me till I’m standin’ at your door.’ Yuuji threatened, Choso offered only a sarcastic ‘haha’ in response.
‘How you got a date before I got a girlfriend is still insane to me.’  he pressed, “Why’s that Yuuji?” rolling up the sleeves of the dress shirt as he looked in the mirror. 
Yuuji laughed- knowing just what to do to annoy his older brother, ‘Cause you're so… weird.’ Yuuji struggled to say the words through a bully-like smile, “For your information- brother of the year,” Choso snapped playfully, which surprised Yuuji since Choso was never the type to banter- not because he didn't want to. But his quips would always come out in stutters, never being able to come up with smart replies fast enough. 
Choso smiled as he recalled your slurred words,“They like that I'm ‘strange’.” Yuuji chirped from the phone, ‘They tell you that?’ with a sarcastic tone. 
Looking at Yuuji with a cocky smile, “They did.” earning for his baby brother to raise his eyebrows in feigned shock, ‘The world is so backwards.’ he scoffed before asking more questions about you. 
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Choso wanted to make tonight special, he wanted to make this the last first date you ever went on. 
So as he looked at himself in the mirror, putting on his many rings and muttering words of encouragement to himself, hands shaking as he rolled up the sleeves of his dark navy blue dress shirt. Trying not to nitpick any detail that he didn't like about the reflection staring back at him- whispering that even if he was ‘strange and off putting’ you still liked him. 
Side eyeing the clear bowl shaped vase that held three white lilies, Choso felt nerves eating away at him as his eyes flashed down to his phone that lit up with a message from you. 
‘lmk when ur outside :)’ your message read. If only you knew Choso’s stomach was in knots. A specific kind of anxiety he had never felt before, it almost felt like how your stomach churned while in line for a scary rollercoaster for the first time. 
He quickly typed, ‘im omw now’ with trembling thumbs.
So as he put on the torn up carhartt jacket he relied on whenever it was cold, he straightened his back as he held the clear vase in his hand- Choso hesitated to turn the doorknob of his apartment. Thinking on if this was a good idea- a million doubts racing in his mind. 
But he only needed one thought to pull him from his doubts. All he needed was to remember you to open the door. 
The walk across the lively campus full of people carrying bouquets of red roses and overcompensating stuffed animals made him think that maybe the three lilies were not enough- Till the realization that he was actually taking you out on Valentine's day hit, which only made him even more nervous, the pondering thoughts of ‘am I making a fool of myself?’ making him overheat in the heavy jacket. Choso must've taken it off and put it back on 2 or 3 times before he reached your neighborhood. 
Standing on your rundown porch, thinking about ringing the doorbell. Those doubts daring to creep back into his mind, but his hesitant finger pressed the button anyway. Holding the bowl in both hands as he heard muffled shouts through the heavy wood door. He watched the brass handle turn before the door cracked open- his eyes being granted the honor of seeing you. 
‘Breathtaking’ was the word his mind formulated once he felt air fill his lungs again. 
Choso swore that every single time he looked at you, it felt like the first time. But this time- this, took the cake. This would be the mental image he’d remember every time he thought of you. The nerves and unease he felt in his chest melted away when he saw the warmth of your smile.
His eyes blinked quickly- almost in disbelief as he looked at you, so love drunk it hurt his chest a little. 
And you, bent to the side and fiddling with the tiny buckle of your heel. To Choso it felt like you came straight out of his teenage dreams as you looked at him.
Smiling as you uttered the word that was stuck in his throat, with a hurried smile you spoke, “Heyy-” before placing your foot back onto the ground as you stepped back with a quiet gasp, looking at the bowl in his hands. “Come in!” you urged sweetly, seeing his eyes scan your frame, darting to your living room that was full of your gawking roommates and their friends. ‘An anti-valentines day movie night’ you called it.
“Thought I told you to tell me you were outside-” you grinned, standing at the entryway of the house. ‘God, you are haunting.’ You looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to reply. Unknowing your roommates were ignoring the movie on the living room tv. Furrowing your eyebrows as you looked at the round vase in his hands.
“T-these are for you.” He muttered, his heart racing at an abominable speed by seeing you grin kindly before your smile fell.
It turned into a grimace, “I have something for you too-” looking back up at the stairs you practically fell down when the doorbell rang. Turning back around to face him. Taking the bowl from his extended hands with a prolonged touch, “They're lovely. Thank you.” you smiled, “Stay right here- I'll be right back.” You hushed, turning around and dashing up the stairs. 
Choso stood at the doorway, almost mournful knowing the sight of you that greeted him would only exist in his memory now. Fiddling with his rings as he felt the people's eyes burn through him. Unintelligible whispers from the prying gazes. Gulping as he heard your bedroom door slam shut, urging footsteps on the ground as you hurried down the stairs. Both hands held behind your back as you hid his present. 
A silly smile on your lips as you looked at him, the thin heel of your shoes clacking on the tile as you stood before him, reaching your arm around as you a box with a small bow on top. Raising his eyebrows and looking at the box holding a pair of white glass plates inside. “Plates?” he smiled defeated at the present as you tried to suppress a small laugh. 
Your shoulders moved in a silent laugh as you watched his eyes flash back up to you, “Yes. Plates.” seeing him exhale through his nose, amused at what a coincidence it was that you bought him them.
“Thank you.” He mumbled softly, already being able to picture using them.
Choso held the box in one hand, looking at you with adoring eyes, you cleared your throat, “Striking enough?” you sneered proudfully. He practically choked on air at your question. 
He took a second to look at you, trying to find the correct thing to say, “You look beautiful.” he breathed softly, words that came straight from his heart. Mentally he was shouting any word he thought of when he looked at you. Words that are not to be said on a ‘first date’, confessions of yearning love and descriptive words of how he felt about you. 
‘Captivating.’ Choso thought as he admired your features that were accentuated by the warm lighting, almost casting a glow on your skin.
You felt the warmth in your cheeks trail to the tip of your nose at the compliment. ‘Thank y-’ you mouthed silently, being interrupted by a loud over exaggerated cough coming from the living room. 
Squinting your eyes as you turned around to face the source, “When did you say you'd be home?” one of your roommates spouted from the couch.
“I didn't.” You spoke with a raised tone laced with irritation, scoffing before walking into the living room. Focused on your coat that was draped on the edge of the couch.
Their eyes looked up at you as though you owed them something, “Where's he taking you?” desperate to keep you home.
You raised your eyebrows before you spoke, “No idea.”, reaching your hands into the pockets of your coat to be sure you had what you needed. 
Picking it up from the couch before turning around and speed walking back to Choso, looking at him with an urgent look on your face. “Let's go.” you whispered as you reached for the doorknob, “It's not safe to go to an undisclosed location with a stranger-!” your roommate shouted as you stepped through the doorway. Sighing as you pulled the door behind you. 
“Sorry about that.” you breathed, inhaling the cold air as you scanned the cloudy overcast with squinted eyes and creased eyebrows.
Choso inhaled sharply before he spoke, “Was that-”
“Yes, that was my den mother.” with a scoff, Choso parted his lips in a silent wince as you slipped your coat onto your exposed shoulders. Reaching a hand down and raising your ankle halfway to tweak with the strap of your heel again.
“Lead the way.” you smiled as Choso took a step forward onto the rickety stairs. 
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“Can you tell me where you're taking me now?” You sounded almost defeated as you walked side by side on the pavement. Choso made sure that he was on the open side of the sidewalk, walking between you and the potential risk.
Quiet streets derived from people made the walk peaceful, the sunless sky causing everything to look pale blue- almost as though you stepped through a blue tinted filter.
The weather was fresh- cold enough for a coat but not freezing the way it was a few days ago. A small breeze would have made you regret your choice in what you wore- your calves and ankles exposed to the frigid air.
Looking over at him as he held the boxed plates, with a smug grin on his lips, “We have to go pick something up first.” you hummed at Choso’s denial as his rundown oxford-esque shoes stomped on the ground.
Seeing an opportunity to wear down that smugness, you looked at him with an unashamed smile. “You look beautiful too, Choso.” circling back to his compliment that was interrupted by your roommate. He looked over to you- not shocked but surprised at your choice of words, despite the gloomy weather- you looked warm in his eyes. As though the sun was shining and it was the middle of summer.
He sighed as he felt your shoulder brush against his, “I don't think I’ve ever been called that.” he admitted honestly with a flustered smile. 
You laughed, “I can call you something else-” with an enthusiastic grin, looking up into the sky as you thought of the words to use, “How about- scenic. Or uh, captivating-” watching the blush on his cheeks trail onto his exposed ear.
Choso’s teeth stuttered as he heard you- trying to silence the sudden compliment, “My name is fine.” He insisted with a nervous laugh, trying his best to ignore your gaze.
You raised your eyebrows, “Are you sure? I can keep going-”
“Ju-” he breathed, “Just Choso is fine.” he implored, his heart racing at an unimaginable speed.
You were pleased with his stutter, “Okay. ‘Just Choso’, where are you taking me?” grazing the back of your palm against his as you walked, his eyes on the ground watching the lines on the pavement come and go.
Choso sighed, “I already told you- We. Are going. To pick. Something up.” He paused between the words as though that was an answer, flinching when you bumped your knuckles into his as you strolled beside him.
“Don't take that tone with me, mister.” you teased playfully, holding your knuckles against his as you saw him perk a smile. 
“Sorry-” he grinned as he looked over at you sweetly, “We’re gonna go pick something up.” he corrected himself, smiling at the sugared words, not moving his hand from yours- if anything pressing it closer. 
With a sigh you took the initiative and interlocked your fingers with his, your cool hand icing his warm palm, “If you're gonna kidnap me- let me know. Promise I won't fight back or anything.” you joked, making Choso shiver at your accusation. 
With a grimace he hesitated the words he was about to say, “That is a terrible and equally horrifying thing to say,” he spoke your name in a reprimanding tone.
“I mean in the way that life sucks right now, and you're a pretty cool person. And you're nice, and tolerate me.” squinting your eyes at the sudden frost-like breeze puff against your bare shins.
Your circling hum on the side of his pointer finger made this conversation suddenly very difficult for him to focus on. “Just don't put me in a glass cage. That's all I ask.” You continued the unsettling topic as you squeezed his hand. 
Choso laughed at the reference, “You see,” being able to conjure the words in his mind. “I had reason to worry about you getting kidnapped.” he murmured, mentally damning you for putting that thought into his head again. 
“That's different though.” you hummed, tilting your head towards him. “Of course if it was a stranger I’d fight tooth and nail-” a playful grin on your lips, watching his eyebrows slowly pull upwards. “But, if it was you?” you continued, feeling his palm subtly start to clam against yours.  
Choso looked over at you- waiting for you to finish what you were saying. The troubled expression on his face made you smile at how easy it was to fluster him. 
Shaking away the words in your mind, the sky dimming as you clutched onto his hand, you let out a ‘tsk’ at the thought, “Now that would be something quite forward to say.” you grinned playfully.
‘Your smile hides your mischievousness a little too well- I think you're just being cruel at this point.’ he thought as he looked at your profile. A proud smile adorning your lips. 
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“A parking garage?” you asked, twitching your ankle as you watched Choso input a security code into the metal receiver.
Choso sucked his teeth with a smile, “Did you expect us to walk for the entire night?” looking down to your shoe that was clearly bothering you. 
“You have a car?” you asked as you watched the metal gate creak open. 
He winced, “Technically no-” hand in hand as he led you through the barrier of the two story garage. Walking up the sloped concrete as you looked at the dusty cars. 
“I didn't even know this place existed.” You muttered, eyeing the gray walls illuminated by old yellow lights. Swinging your connected hands softly as Choso laid eyes upon the black car cover he hoped was waiting for him. 
“Let's hope it still runs.” he joked as you let go of his hand. 
“Hold these for me won't you?” he whispered, handing you the cardboard box as you tapped your heeled foot on the ground, causing Choso to look down at your ankle once more.
Placing his hands on the front end of the cover, yanking it off as you laid eyes on the two seater maroon colored classic. Almost perfectly polished as you raised your eyebrows in shock, his hands balling up the black car cover and placing it on the hood haphazardly.
He inhaled almost painfully, “It was my father’s-” as he inserted the key into the driver's side and turned it, unlocking the doors before walking to the passenger side and opening the door with a hand held out to you.
Taking the boxed plates from your hands and placing them on the roof of the car, holding your hand as you eased into the vehicle.
Connected matte black seats meeting your eyes as you eased into the seat. Silent as he nervously tried explaining why he had the car, “H-he left it behind- and I didn’t wanna leave it to be sold.” He smiled, looking down at you as he held the frame of the door. 
“So you brought it with you?” You hummed, fiddling with your hands on your lap and looking at the interior.
“I stole it- yes.” he admitted without shame, leaning on the frame of the opened door.
Pulling off his jacket as your hands reached out to take it from him, a small ‘Thank you’ fell from his lips as you held it in your lap. His lips parted in a grin, looking at your expression as you pinched your eyebrows together. Reaching your hand down to the bothersome buckle that squeezed your ankle a little too tightly. 
Your fingers struggled to fix the issue as he watched you. Flashing your eyes up at him with an awkward giggle before you spoke, “When you rang the doorbell I accidentally pulled the-” You sighed, trying to pull the black strap from the bothersome buckle, “-the strap too tight.”
Choso smiled before mouthing an understanding ‘oh’ 
“May I?” he asked, frustration starting to seep from you and into him by just watching your aimless attempts. You eyed him, lowering himself to his knee, the other propped up as you turned your body to face him. 
Suddenly all too aware of the veins on the tops of his hands, the light arm hair on his outer forearms that were exposed from his rolled up sleeves. 
His calloused hand held open awaiting you to lift your dangling foot to his palm. Without a word, you lifted your ankle. Choso delicately placed his hand onto the back of your calf, your cold skin warming in his palm as he guided the back of the heel to rest atop his bent knee. Trailing his fingertips mindlessly on your skin as he gently unbuckled the silver rivet of the shoe. 
Feeling the instant relief as he slid the buckle into a neighboring notch. A warm blush forming on your cheeks as you watch his painted hands trail gentle touches on your skin.
“There?” he mumbled, looking up at you as his thumb settled on the protruding bone of your ankle. Only offering a blushed ‘Mhm’ from your dry throat as he laced the rest of the tiny strap beneath the metal. Your hand was clutched on the edge of the seat- if your grip tightened any more you’d scratch the pristine leather.
Choso gently placed his palm back onto your calf, easing your leg back down gently before he stood up again. “Now for the moment of truth.” he winced, taking a step back and leaving you with your feet on the ground.
You inhaled sharply as his hand rested on the door again, waiting for you to sit correctly. You turned your body back to face the windshield, he closed the door for you- reaching his hand on the roof of the car for the plates before walking to the drivers side.
With how easy it was to fluster him or make him nervous, you were unsure why out of the two of you- you were the one who was on the verge of hyperventilating from the innocent act of kindness. In your mind an obstacle presented itself; how you were expected to keep your composure for the rest of the evening. 
Your hand dared to tremble as you placed his heavy jacket on the center of the benched seat. Some kind of desperate attempt at a wall to keep you from acting on your self-indulgent thoughts. 
Hearing a small thud as he placed the plates on the roof again. The driver's door opened smoothly, Choso eased into the seat as he placed his hand on the wheel with the keys in hand, leaving his door open with one foot on the ground.
Choso cleared his throat as he turned the ignition, raising his eyebrows in hopes the car would turn on. A wave of relief washed over him when he heard the loud roar come from the muffler. Quiet music playing from the staticky radio breaking the silence.
He stepped out of the car once more, walking to the hood to grab the car cover he carelessly folded. Your eyes followed him as he slid the pair of plates from the roof and walked to the back of the car, your shoulders tense while trying to breathe. 
Flinching when you heard the trunk pound shut, clearing your throat when you saw him walk back to the opened door. 
He settled into the driver's seat once more, mindlessly picking up your attempt at a wall and placing his jacket onto the ledge of the rearview window, leaving nothing but air to keep you separate from him. 
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The drive was silent, the quiet radio music easing the tension in the air only you felt. Hands in your lap as you fiddled with your thumbs, Choso was unaware of your tense shoulders till he stopped at a red light. 
Looking over at you- your head locked forward and sitting very, very far away. The look on your face though, furrowed eyebrows and unblinking eyes, lips pressed tightly together as though you were in deep thought- that's what made him realize something was wrong. 
Replaying the last 10 minutes- not recalling a single snide comment or any attempts at flirting since he started driving.
He murmured your name- trying to pull you out of the thoughts that were whirling in your mind at that moment. Blinking your eyes and turning your head slightly, looking at Choso’s face that was illuminated by the red light. “Something wrong?”
You nodded your head ‘no’ intertwining your hands harshly together. Choso looked down to your latched hands, then back up to you with a perked brow- He didn't need to speak, you knew what he was asking with the look on his face. 
You inhaled, trying to find something clever to say- “M’trying to keep my hands to myself.” you murmured, looking out of the window, gathering he was driving into the neighboring city as your knees pointed to the door along with your head.
‘...hands to yourself..?’ Choso mentally repeated your words, not knowing why you had to try to, when you were never shy about it before.
Air caught in your throat at the realization you said that louder than you were expecting, “In a- a non creepy way.” you reiterated, scrunching your eyes together at the stutter in your words. 
Mentally you were cursing the stupid old traffic light that refused to turn green, even with the lack of cars around- it still beamed red. “Did I do something?” he asked, worried he offended you in some way. 
You sighed, “Yes-”, refusing to look at him, “Yes, you did something.” you muttered as you looked into the glass, staring at him through the reflection. 
“I’m sorry- I didn't mean to-” he started apologizing unknowing what he did- but it still felt like he had to. 
You let out a laugh that rang through his ears in the sound of a hymn, “You don't even know what you did.” corners of your lips twitching upwards, turning your knees over to him as he looked forward at the now green light- accelerating slowly as you scanned his side profile. 
“Must've been something worth an apology if you- of all people are keeping your hands to yourself.” he joked slyly. Only he meant to think those words- not actually say them to you.
You squinted your eyes at his banter, “Oh haha-” you grinned sarcastically, planting your hand onto the seat, “I'll make sure to keep ‘em to myself from now on if you feel that way.” You played, feeling your confidence soak back into your words. 
Choso turned his head slightly over to you, low eyes knowing you wouldn't be able to keep that declaration, dropping his hand from the bottom of the wheel as the other held onto the side of it, placing it on the black leather to tempt you. Suddenly the distance you set between you too was too evident- too far, his eyes were forward- watching the road. 
You gulped, scanning the top of his veiny hand, slowly you shifted closer to him.
Now close enough that he could sense you, “Choso?” you whispered, earning for a small hum to leave his throat, a childish smile on your lips “Can I hold your hand?” you spoke in a whisper- Choso furrowed his eyebrows at the question.
A gentle grin on his lips, “You don't need to ask me.” he whispered back, looking forward as he heard alarms and bells ring in his head from excitement. 
So as you scooched closer to Choso, he held his hand out for you. His heart couldn't help but beat at an alarming pace, so close your thigh was pressed against his. Your knees pointed in his direction as he felt his palm threaten to sweat. 
You slumped the tiniest bit into the matte seat, looking up at him as you gently took his hand into yours, interlocking your fingers with his as your other hand caged the back of his palm. 
Both of your hands overwhelmed his tender one, smiling as you leaned the side of your head onto his bicep. Resting your joined hands on the seam where his thigh ended and yours began.
“I've always liked your hands.” you mumbled, caressing your thumbs on his skin as he drove- he was grateful the sky was darkening. Cause he was so sure the blush he was sporting on his cheeks was starting to roam down his chest.
Choso’s breathing hitched- catching in his throat, “My h-hands?” feeling his heart pound in his chest. And for the foot that wasn't on the gas to start bouncing nervously. 
You giggled, “Yeah, your hands.” you hummed, unaware of the state you were pushing him to. “They're so pretty.” you complimented him with a tone only heard in his frantic dreams.
And as you scanned his jeweled hand engulfed by your own- the veins that trailed up his forearm beneath his pale skin proudly, you smiled as you pressed your thumb down onto a blood filled ridge on the top of his hand. Stopping the blood flow from the prominent vein. 
His mind was whirring in his skull- had you said anything else he would've had to pull over to catch his breath. 
But you didn't, no you only traced mindless doodles on his skin softly. ‘This has to be some kind of attempt on my life.’ his brain managed as the scent of your perfume infiltrated his nose.
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Though he was eternally grateful to be so- (some would say too close) to you, he felt his lungs able to breathe with a set pace once he found a parking spot in front of the building he was looking for. Streets full of couples as the moon started arising. Choso exhaled expectantly, switching the ignition off and feeling your grasp on his hand loosen.
“We’re here.” he practically choked out. You furrowed your eyebrows and looked onto the street, watching the people walking past the lit up glass doors. 
“What's here?” you grinned, straightening your back and looking at Choso, you were so very close to his face. The light on the roof of the car made it very obvious that he was blushing.
“A uh-” he inhaled the air between you, “A museum.” his shoulders were tense, looking from your eyes to the curve of your nose- darting back and forth from the cupid's bow of your lips back up to your eyes. You smiled hearing his hesitant tone- relishing the sight of pure nerves flooding in his pupils from how close you were. 
With an amused smile you snorted softly, “Ouu you want to kiss me sooo bad- I can see it-” you teased, earning for Choso to look away from you in embarrassment. 
And as you pulled your hands from his, he opened his door, mumbling small curses, racing to the passenger side- reminding himself that he needs to be polite and well-mannered.  
As he pulled your door open he held a hand out to you, giving you a brace to step out from the old car. 
The sight of your hand in his as you stepped from the car elegantly made one thing click in his mind. Choso felt in his heart that he would be more than happy- elated even, to do this with you every weekend till you were both old and wrinkly. 
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Hand in hand as you walked past the white walls. Stopping at any piece of art that caught your attention. 
Your eyebrows pulled tight as you looked at a piece painted black with glimmers of red. Choso’s eyes were on your profile as you examined the art, “What do you see?” he mumbled, looking back to the large canvas. Unable to understand how you could see meaning in a few colors. 
You sighed, tilting your head and staring at the streaks “It seems sad.” you whispered as he furrowed his eyebrows. “Like the person who painted this was distressed.” 
Choso didn't see what you saw- he saw a lazy attempt at modern art- “You can see it in the brush strokes-” you leaned over to him as you pointed to the seemingly violent brush strokes. He tried to see what you saw, “In the way they decided to use a little bit of red.” You continued, looking over to his lost expression.
When you walked into the room of sculptures you stared at an old wooden chair placed on a small platform with a harsh spotlight on it, “Performer.” you read the words on the silver plate at the bottom, “What do you see Choso?” you repeated his question as he stared at the chair.
He squinted his eyes before speaking, “I think it's a chair-”, feeling your elbow shove him gently. He sighed, “Well, the chair is old, and the spotlight is on it almost in a mocking way.” Choso expressed his depiction of the piece. “And the title signifies that the chair is a piece to be gawked at.” he muttered as you smiled at his intune thoughts.
He huffed, almost feeling like he said too much. “You?” he broke your silence as he looked back at you.
“I think it's just a chair.” you mocked with a perked smile. 
On the other end of the room there was a wired sculpture, if you looked in the right angle you'd be able to see the projected image within the silver wires.
You were tilting your head trying to make out the image, “I think it's a face?” you whispered as Choso furrowed his eyebrows, “Or two?” you squinted your eyes as you finally saw the image with a gratified exhale. 
Choso huffed- frustrated from how tedious this was. “How are you seeing anything?” he asked frustrated as his neck started to strain from how long he was tilting it. 
You dropped his hand- taking a step behind him and placing your hands on his shoulders, “Here.” you hummed, moving him to where you previously stood. “Lean down a little-” you whispered, you weren't able to see it- but his eyes were wide and his cheeks were tingling from your guidance. 
And as he lowered himself, you placed your hands onto the side of his head- angling it softly to this side as he allowed you to. You stood behind him- close enough for him to be able to feel your breath wisp on his nape. “Can you see it?” you whispered- Choso felt goosebumps form on his arms at your soft tone. 
You slid your hands from the side of his head- seeing him stay in place as he looked at the sculpture. “Can you?” you whispered as he raised himself back to stand up straight. 
He looked at you with a horrified look on his face, “Yeah I can.” he muttered before you took his hand in yours again. 
And when you found the room he specifically chose this museum for- he lit up with a smile.
“Art history-” you read the plaque on the wall.
Choso led you into the dimly lit room, “Finally some real art.” he muttered before turning the corner. Standing before the grand in size portraits- he looked at them in silence. Only you didn't find the same fascination in the old paintings as he did- you found the excitement that gleamed in his eyes more interesting than the dusty art works.
With every piece he knew, he'd tell you the tragedy behind them, star crossed lovers and small comments of the trageties- “Why are you looking at me like that?” he paused his previous sentence, looking at you worried that he was talking too much. 
You offered a timid smile, circling your thumb on his skin lovingly. Reaching a pinkie up to his temple and brushing away a loose strand from his temple, “I can't look at you now?” you murmured playfully, his eyes glimmered with shock at the sudden contact against his face. 
Choso diverted his eyes from your gaze, looking down to his shoes before mumbling, “You can't look at me like- that.” he felt his heart pound in his chest recalling the expression on your face with closed eyes. 
You giggled at his words, “Why not?” you pressed, being able to feel his hand tighten its grip on yours. 
He sighed, looking back up to your seemingly intoxicated face. Choso parted his lips, daring to say the first words that came to his mind. You raised your eyebrows and gripped his hand to urge him to give you a reason. “Cause I don't know what it means.” he retorted quietly.
You scoffed, an amused smile on your lips as you nodded your head. Not knowing how he could be so insightful in some ways and completely blind when it came to this. 
Your eyes scanned his features, “How many times do I have to tell you before you get it?” you quipped, seeing his eyes pool with confusion at your question. 
“I like you so much, Cho.” you whispered, seeing his eyebrows furrow harshly at the shortened version of his name. “I stare at you because I like you.” You assured, “I laugh at everything you say because I like you.”, watching his eyes blink down in timidness. In his mind, actually processing your words took a lot of effort. 
“Can I be honest?” you whispered, seeing his lips mouth an ‘okay.’ to your question. “I don’t think I've ever liked someone in the way I like you.” Choso exhaled at your words- mumbling a ‘stop’ as you smiled.
You exhaled, “I'm being serious. You're just-” you started, only for Choso to raise your hand and place it flat onto his chest. His eyes trembled as he looked at you with a stern but pained expression. You raised your eyebrows at how fast his heart pounded in his chest, explaining why he asked you to stop without words. 
Your lips curled into a sweet smile, pulling his hand that was wrapped around your wrist, holding your hand flat on his chest as you led his hand towards your exposed cleavage in attempts to show him how fast your own heart was beating.
Only for his eyes to widen and pull his hand from your grasp in shock- all but clutching his imaginary pearls as he hissed your name. Mortified to even think of touching you there. 
A small laugh left your throat at how he exclaimed your name. You were kind enough to not attempt to do that again- fearing his heart might go into cardiac arrest from being skin to skin. Instead you pulled your hand from his chest, guiding his opposite one onto your wrist and pressing his index and middle finger onto the pulse in your wrist. 
His eyebrows furrowed as he felt your racing pulse against his two fingers, “You make me just as nervous.” you whispered softly, smiling as he parted his lips. 
Choso softened his gaze, “You do a great job at hiding it.” he whispered back, recalling every moment his heart palpitated in his chest- wondering if all those times your heart was racing too. 
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“I think this is the first official date I've ever been on-”  you smiled, now standing outside. Thinking how stupid it was that the exit was on the other end of the building.
Choso furrowed his eyebrows, “First, first date you mean?” he clarified your statement assumingly.
You scoffed with a smile, “No, the only date I've ever been on.” seeing his expression fall in surprisement. 
Choso nodded his head as though that proclamation didn't make his heart burst in his chest, “Besides the times where we'd hang out after class- but I think this one is the first official one.” you grinned, pulling his hand with you as you turned to start walking back to the car. 
‘The times we’d hang out..?’ he thought, recalling the afternoons you'd spend with him. 
He inhaled quickly, “Those were dates?” he urged with a horrified look on his face, scanning at your profile. You looked at him as you stepped slowly.
Raising your eyebrows almost amused, “Well when two people like each other- and admit it to each other,” You taunted playfully, turning the corner of the sidewalk, “If both are consenting parties-” you continued your mocking tone as Choso listened to your words, to be sure he wouldn't miss hearing what you were saying.
“They start dating.” you teased, looking at him with a smile full of satisfaction.
In his mind, he replayed every moment from when he admitted he liked you till now- reevaluating them at the new information. With warm cheeks that were grazed by the cold air, “Are we..” he started, his palm becoming clammy against yours at the words he dared to spout. “Dating?” He asked, looking at you in a new light at that word.
No longer were you a person he liked- or a school friend. He was a person you were dating.
A soft chuckle left your throat at the dramatized words, “Don't tell me you just wanted to be a situationship?” you asked with feigned offense, furrowing your eyebrows as he listened to your words.
His face fell, trying to process the word you just said, “What is a situationship?” he asked almost scornfully at the unknown word as his grasp in your hand tightened. A sweet laugh left your throat at his question, not even being too sure of what that word meant yourself.
“Cho- are we dating or not?” you asked- turning the question around on him. His face went pink, both at the confrontation and the nickname- looking at you as though you hung the stars in the sky. You raised your eyebrows waiting for his reply. 
Choso tried to think- he tried using all 4 fried brain cells in his mind to formulate a proper sentence, but all his trembling lips could muster was one word;
“Yes.”
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The walk back to the car was silent- You were pleased with how much he blushed, how you practically forced him to confirm that your goal was achieved. 
Choso, on the other hand, had a mortified look on his face. The fear of taking the first step was long gone since the first 3 steps were already taken unbeknownst to him. In his mind he started seeing every possibility, every negative thing that could wait for him 10 miles down the road. Choso knew he should've been elated- but he couldn't help the heavy feeling in his chest as he thought of the future.
Staring at him lovingly, “Where to now?” you broke the silence as he opened the car door for you, holding your hand with trembling fingers as you eased into the vehicle.  
Choso hurried to the other side of the car, taking a deep breath before getting into it. Thinking how everything is different now- he drove this car as your friend and now he was driving it as a person you were dating.
You scooched back to the spot you previously sat in, “I hope you're hungry-” he started, his cheeks tingling as he felt your hand interlock with his again, “God– I am starving.” You interrupted, looking over to him with an enticing grin.
Choso smiled to himself, “I have a fridge full of groceries waiting for us.” he tried ignoring your tracing thumbs as he put the car in drive.
You reached a hand over and pushed a few stray strands of hair that blocked his profile from you. “You gonna cook for me?” You hummed sweetly, seeing the blush on his cheeks deepen. 
A small ‘Mhm’ left his lips as he pulled out of the street parking, you looked at him with adoring eyes, intoxicated on how close you were to him. “Those plates were definitely a good idea huh?” you asked smugly.
He sighed with a smile, “Yes. They were a phenomenal idea.” he fed into your boastful tone.
You looked at him, admiring that he cared enough to agree with you,“You’re so-” you hesitated as you tried to find the word, “So,” Choso was smiling as he awaited your words. You gritted your teeth- feeling cuteness aggression, “It's like I made you in a computer.” You smiled, hearing a hearty laugh from his chest.
The entire ride back to the campus- you didn't let go of his hand. The cringey love songs played on the radio quietly, with any song you recognized you’d tell him a memory from your upbringing. Grazing the tips of your fingers along his larger ones. 
Choso made sure to listen to every single word you'd speak into the air- “M’sorry I know I'm talking a lot-” you sighed, noticing he wasn’t replying to your words.
Hee scoffed, “Don't apologize- I like listening to you talk.” flashing his eyes over to you as you nodded your head in disbelief at how smoothe he could be at times.
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You didn't check your phone the entire time. So you were happily relishing in the peace you felt being in the presence of him. 
Walking past the entryway of his apartment, reaching into your coat pocket and taking it off as Choso reached for it in your hand, hanging it along with his on the coat rack. 
You checked the stupid piece of aluminum, widening your eyes at the countless messages from your overbearing roommate, and checking the time. 9:05 pm as you heard Choso set down the boxed plates onto the kitchen counter in front of you.
You sighed as you pulled out a barstool from the wall, furiously typing as Choso gently peeled off the tape from the box.
Looking across the kitchen counter at you as you settled on the barstool with furrowed eyebrows. Scanning your bugged expression, “Everything okay?” he pulled you from your thoughts. 
You sighed as you shut off the phone, placing it onto the counter faced down as you looked at him- completely defeated. “I’m moving out.” you claimed with a deadpan tone.
Choso looked at you from the cabinet, “What now?” he smiled as he reached for a pan. 
“I have like- 50 texts and 20 missed calls from my-” you were interrupted, Choso finished your sentence, ‘roommate’, watching as you huffed a sweet smile at how he knew what you were ranting about. “Regardless, I'm moving- even if I live on the street for a few days. I can't stay at that house anymore.” You sighed, watching Choso turn on two knobs on the stove. 
Looking at him with defeated eyes, “You won't live on the street.” he assured, turning around and opening the fridge. 
You rested your elbow on the counter, placing your chin in your hand as you watched him set various small containers of already prepared herbs onto the counter. “At the end of the day people really are disappointing aren't they?” you asked with a sigh, watching as he pulled out two pre-marinated chicken breasts from the fridge. 
Choso decided to ignore your previous statement- not wanting to sullen the mood even more, “Are they like this with your other roommates?” he asked with a smile, drizzling oil into the pan. Going to lower the heat on the small steel pot on the back burner before moving to stand in front of you. 
You watched as he slowly pulled his jewelry from his fingers, “No- if anything they enable their behavior.” eyeing the silver metal on the counter, your proclamation earning a sigh from Choso.
He noticed your eyes following his hands, furrowing his eyebrows at your gawking. “You need better roommates.” he declared, turning to the sink and washing his hands as you reached for the abandoned metal he left on the counter.  
As you rolled the warm metal in your hand you sighed, “I need to move out is what I need-” watching as he dried his hands. You smirked to yourself, “If I was your neighbor would you cook for me everyday?” You asked- half joking as he looked up from the searing pan.
Choso smiled at your question, picking up one of the raw chickens, “If you were my neighbor I’d cook for you anytime you asked.” he flashed his eyes up at you before placing the white meat into the pan, a loud sizzle coming from the action.
You rested your elbows onto the counter with a hearty giggle, “You say that now- But when m’knocking at your door 2-3 times a day- you can't complain.” you warned, watching as he let out a half laugh.
He picked up metal tongs from the utensil holder, “If you knock on my door 2-3 times a day- I won't have any reason to complain,” he spoke your name in reassurance as he flipped the grilling chicken on the other side. 
You laughed to yourself, not being able to sense any nervousness or hesitation in his words anymore, almost as though he gained more confidence in the past half hour. 
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As he plated the cooked chicken, you watched with a grumbling stomach. Almost drooling as he scooped a decent portion of mashed potatoes onto the brand new white plate, “God- that looks so good.” You bit your lip, reaching your hands to the plate. 
“Wait-” he held onto the edgeas he reached for a pre-cut lemon- squeezing it gently as the citrus glazed the browned chicken.
With a warm smile he spoke, “There- now you can eat it.” looking down to the beautifully plated meal, you sighed. Grabbing onto the edge of the plate and pulling it towards you.
You looked back to him, “I can wait for you-” you muttered, hoping he'd say no. 
He exhaled, smiling as he watched your eyes full of hunger flicker from him back down to your serving. “It's okay- you eat.” He assured, watching the smile return on your lips as you picked up the metal fork placed on the side of the plate. 
Choso watched you expectantly, the fork scraping against the plate as you sliced into the meat-piercing the chunk you cut off and lifting it to your lips, looking at him as you placed the fork into your mouth. The warmth from the grilled chicken landing on your tongue as you pulled the fork from your lips- leaving nothing on it with a sigh from your nose.
Chewing a few times as you closed your eyes, savoring the flavor between every bite. 
You swallowed, opening your eyes and nodding your head, “You're insane.” you mumbled, looking at his expression unchanged- not knowing if that was a good thing or a bad thing. 
“Please finish cooking so I can eat more-” you joked, placing the fork onto your plate, he scoffed at the words that seemed like a compliment. 
And as you asked, he plated his own serving, not with a quarter as much love nor care- but it was infront him as he leaned down to take a bite, assuring you it was fine for you to continue eating. 
He hummed as he placed the fork down onto his plate, “I didn't even offer you anything to drink-” he scoffed to himself reaching to the cupboard above his head and pulling down two glass cups. 
You opened your mouth- hesitating to speak as you watched him turn to the fridge, “Not to sound alcohol-dependent or anything-” you grinned as he peeked back to you. “But do you…?” you insinuated with half lidded eyes. 
Choso sighed, “I don't. I have water and orange juice.” he mumbled, knowing exactly what you were trying to do- but he knew in his bones it wouldn't have been a good idea to let you drink right now. 
You gave a half laugh, “Water is fine.” you smiled as he reached into the fridge. Choosing to keep the bottle of ‘Titos’ he had a secret from you.
Pulling out a glass bottle from the fridge he had bought yesterday. Pouring water into your glass as you chewed on your affection infused meal. 
You placed down your fork, swallowing the previous bite before reaching for the cold glass. “You'd really be okay with me moving next door?” watching his eyes trail down to his plate.
Choso inhaled, “If it makes you happier- and not feel so stressed, I would let you move in here-” he spoke mindlessly, halting his chewing as he realized what he said. He inhaled sharply- feeling like your silence was deafening. He was about to apologize-
Only you laughed, “All my clothes would not fit in your closet.” you inhaled as you placed a bite of the mashed potatoes into your mouth. He huffed through his nose at your comment, pleased that you took it as a joke rather than how he truly meant it. 
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Somewhere between him finishing half of his meal and your 5th compliment on how fucking good the food tasted- a battle ship board was put up between you. 
Furrowed eyebrows staring back at you as he called out a number on the board. You hissed as you looked at your side of the game, “Nope.” you grinned as he gruffed at his attempts.
You were examining your grid, trying to use all the divination you could muster before he spoke up- “Did I tell you I'm thinking of getting a job?” he smiled, watching your furrowed eyebrows ease at the question. 
You gasped, “No! Don't do that-” holding a peg in your hand as his expression churned to confusion. “I won't be able to see you as often.” you pouted, looking down at your board. The words seemingly came unfiltered from your heart, and the sight of you pouting at the idea of not being able to see him as much anymore was more than enough to push that idiocy to the side.
And though you meant it as a half joke, it still pained you to know that now- of all times. When things were finally advancing, he'd pull away. 
“If you need money-” your lungs threatened to laugh at the words forming on your lips. “I'd be more than happy to pay for your time.” You spewed as though you were a sleazy 80 year old man speaking to a lady of the night. 
Choso furrowed his eyebrows and parted his lips, “Like an escort??” he huffed a laugh, you looked up from your board with an entertained smile. “No- no, not like an escort-” you defended. 
Calling out a number on the board as he nodded his head. “Like a paid…” you thought of the word, “Though I can't call you a friend anymore can I?” You spoke to yourself as he scanned his side of the plastic game, smiling at the thought that you'd no longer hesitate when referring to him. 
He inhaled as he took a bite from the coldening food, looking over to your plate and seeing you had finished. “I thought you were broke?” he spoke thoughtlessly, not being able to feel the hesitance before he spoke now. 
Your smile fell, he squinted his eyes as you shook off the sudden heavy feeling- “You're that expensive?” you chirped, looking at him bewildered at the thought he might've taken your words seriously. 
Choso scoffed, “No, you don't have to pay me to hang out with you.” he reiterated, watching as you fiddled with the peg in your hand. Recalling your query of if he'd mind if you were his neighbor. “But I remember you said you were broke..?” he looked at you with detective eyes as you called out a square on the grid. Sucking his teeth when you actually hit one of his boats. 
You hummed as you avoided eye contact, “I uhh-” you lowered your shoulders and raised a brow, “I figured it out.” flashing a warm smile at him. Only you meant it in an assuring way- Choso saw past it. He saw the way your lips fell after you said that, the way your eyes dimmed from recalling what you were hiding. 
You cleared your throat, “Meaning, I can afford your company now.” you circled back to the silly topic with a smile, Choso sneered through his nose at your insistence. He opened his mouth to speak- but you spoke before he could. 
“What kind of job?” you looked at him, changing the topic before he called out a number on the grid. 
He sucked his teeth, “I was thinking at the library- Quiet, don't have to do a whole lot.” He muttered as he studied the target grid. “Or I could apply to be a TA.”squinting before calling out a number. 
You tightened your lips, mouthing a curse as you marked a small boat with a red peg. “Why now of all times?” you asked as you waited for him to call out another number.
Choso parted his lips- almost saying the words that popped into his mind before closing his mouth. “No- say what you were thinking.” you caught onto the little habit he had developed since he was a child.
He smiled at your attentiveness, “I was thinking, now that I’m..” looking at you with a blushing smile, you raised your eyebrows, all but saying ‘go on.’
“Now that I am seeing someone.” he murmured, looking down at the board embarrassed and trying to ignore your gaze, you laughed at his avoidant eyes. 
You inhaled, nodding your head ‘no’ disapprovingly. “You don't need to get a job just because we're dating, Cho.” you assured, standing from the barstool and taking a step around the end of the kitchen counter, standing before his figure as he looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, “Look at all the times we've hung out- not once did we need money or to go out to have fun.” placing a hand on his bicep and squeezing gently to affirm your words even more. 
Choso inhaled, ��Would it be enough?” he muttered as he looked down to his shoes. You scoffed, trailing your hand down to his forearm, then to his hand. 
“I would be more than fulfilled if all we did was stay here and play board games day after day.” you whispered, holding your hand gently in his as he felt his throat close up-
He looked back to you with creased eyebrows, the tip of his nose daring to turn pink from an expression that looked close to tears. “You want a hug?” you asked sweetly, hearing a sniffle from his nose before pulling you to him.
Your hands wrapped around his waist as his arms rested atop your shoulders, holding you tightly as your bodies came together in a perfect mold. Choso held one hand on the back of your neck softly, the other pressed taut between your shoulder blades as you smiled into his chest, circling your hands soothingly on his spine, he sniffled before speaking.
“Be honest. Did you come over here to look at where my boats were?” you breathed out- defeated that he saw through your plot. Pulling away from him as his hands hesisted to let you go from the hug that felt like home. 
You looked at him with a cheeky smile, “I did.” you nodded, looking over to his side of the board and seeing you were close to winning by a few more pegs. You looked back to him, parting your lips expectantly as he took a step back.
‘Be well-mannered’ Choso thought as he watched you brush off the slight disappointment. 
He cleared his throat, “I think it's time to take you home.” he smiled, watching your eyes blink down to your shoes that had to be uncomfortable by now. 
⋆ ⁺  .𖥔 ݁ ˖ .  ₊˚ ⊹⋆ ⁺  .⋆
The trip to your house was short now that there was a car, and yet- you still held onto him as though it was the last time you'd have the chance to. 
Choso parked on the opposite side of the street, turning off the car as your eyes looked at the wooden door across the street almost resentfully. “Ready?” he asked, knowing you’d refuse to face the music were he not there. 
With a begrudged exhale, you nodded your head. 
Choso held the car door open for you, holding your hand as you stepped onto the street. You almost resented how polite he was- knowing if it were anyone else they would have invited you to stay the night- regardless if it was a first date. 
But not him, Choso didn't dare to even think of asking that of you.
And as you stood before him on your unlit porch, you smiled, “Thank you.” with a whisper, looking into his eyes as he scanned the prominent aspects of your face.
“Don't thank me.” he murmured, his voice low and throaty as he watched the sparkle in your eye round your pupil. 
With a modist smile, you looked at him impatiently. “I think this is where you kiss me goodnight.” you leaned forward mere millimeters as Choso refused to step back this time. 
He gulped at your words, “It wouldn't be polite.” he dissuaded lowly as you grinned innocently. 
Close enough that you were breathing the same air- “It would be more impolite not to, Choso.” you compelled, watching his gaze dart from your lips back to your eyes. 
He raised his hands to the side of your face- thumbs caressing your temples softly, parting your lips as his fingers kept a light touch beneath your ears. You fluttered your eyes closed as you heard ringing in your mind, cheeks warm and tingling as you awaited.
Only you awaited something to press against your lips- But Choso had other plans.
His parted lips pressed onto the center of your forehead, pulling away with your head in his hands. It wasn't disappointment- more like a challenge that you felt. “Goodnight,” he spoke your name in an intoxicating tone, softly taking his hands from your face and taking a step back from you.
You couldn't help but smile at his chivalry, “You're cruel.” you whispered, earning a quiet half-laugh from his chest. 
“It’s not respectful to kiss you on a first date.” He scolded playfully, watching you roll your eyes lightheartedly. 
You stared at him as you leaned your back onto the door, placing your hand on the brass knob before sucking your teeth. “When is a respectful time then?” you murmured, watching his hands slide into his coat pockets.
“Third. Maybe even fourth date.” he smiled, knowing that would gain a feigned groan of dissatisfaction from you. Though it was earlier than you'd like-  10:43 to be exact, you were still grateful he was courteous enough to bring you back home as though you had a curfew. 
“Goodnight Cho.” you smiled, turning the brass knob as he kept his eyes on you.
Were the porch light on you’d be able to see the beaming blush on his cheeks, “Goodnight.” he replied sweetly, watching as you stepped into your house, taking one last look at him before waving a small goodbye. 
Choso was able to contain the excitement in his throat till he turned away from your porch, his lungs threatening to start hyperventilating as he tried to confirm with himself if that actually just happened. He stood at the car door- looking up at the sky and thanking whatever celestial being was out there for the lucky hand he was dealt. 
There was one thought in his mind at that moment. He was now sure that you made him feel more alive and far less lost than he felt without you. And he relished in that thought as he drove back to his apartment, no longer fearing the future- if anything he was thrilled to know that for the first time, love finally loved him back.
⋆ ˚。 ⋆୨♡୧ ⋆ ˚。 ⋆
and if I told you I over indulged sooo much in this chapter??? and if i said........ I almost hemorrhaged writing this?!!! this was too cute, (just wait till I write abt the first time they have sex) And if you're curious- yes the rewarding cigarette was delicious.
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sofs16 · 1 year ago
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us first
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thank you for this request:)))
++ added hate to reader because ………..
(after writing this i realized it’s kinda angsty oops im sorry lmk if u want me to redo this 😓)
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with busy days apart and the media digging into you, sometimes there were more downs than ups in a week. charles had been off racing and being a singer, it isn’t easy to always attend.
there was a particular struggle for a while at the passionate tifosi who worshipped charles. of course you understood them, but it got to a point your faith in whether you were good enough for charles was wavering.
charles was amazing on and off camera and track. he made sure to take the relationship at a pace well for both of you. he always defended you against such comments even when he wasn’t asked to, often his pr team even scolded him for being too aggressive.
yn
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liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari, and 6,799,696 others
yn nd that’s the end of our life support tour 🥹🫀🌠 thank you for being lovely, monaco!
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sharl55 🤮🤮🤮 Horrible wag. You never show up at races and are never there for Charles. He deserves better.
⤷ charles_leclerc Please stop commenting horrible things about Yn. She does support me and likewise, I support her music. I don’t deserve her.
⤷ yn i love you charlie 😭
it’s nights like these where you and charles get to see each other not through face time. your schedules aligned finally when you got to spend nights under the same comforter.
with the monaco gp this week, and the tour ending today, these were nights where you and charles stayed in.
you bought face masks and food on your way home while charles bought some wine and ingredients for baking and cooking.
you set your keys down on the table when you made it into yours and charles’ shared apartment.
“baby?” you heard from the kitchen “hey charlie” you slipped behind him and kissed his neck as he smiled, shaking his head. “you’re late” he scolded lightly.
“i know, i know! but- i was deciding if we were goijg for strawberry or cucumber face masks” you held the bag up. “you got both, didn’t you” he raised a brow “..yeah” you laughed and made a beeline to the bedroom “‘m gonna change and we can start!” “take your time!” he replied
you giggled, changing into charles’ pajamas since they were always so comfortable. you ran to the kitchen and helped charles in making the ravioli you both wanted
“that comment was so infuriating like- did you see that? the one under your post today?” he asked, stirring the pasta in the pot while you hopped on the counter top, something he always scolded you for.
“yeah… it’s okay. you didn’t have to reply but i appreciate it” you looked at your slippers as you swung them around. he sighed and walked over to you, holding your chin lightly.
“do not listen to them, okay mon amour?” he looks into your eyes “mhm” you smile, getting lost in them.
“besides…” he walks back to the pasta “they are not the ones who get to taste my amazing pasta” he holds it up proudly and you laugh, shaking your head as he puts it in your plates.
you go to the bedroom and move the blankets over to the living room as you light the candles and turn the television on. charles sets the plates on the table and you sit on the couch, waiting for him already holding your plate.
he comes back with two glasses of wine and you put on harry potter on the tv but it’s playing at a volume less than 10.
you both face each other and laugh, talking about random things going on. he talks about his nerves for the gp, especially that it’s his hometown, but he’s glad you’re coming because you haven’t been able to go to the last 4 races. charles brought ninetnedos and you both raced each other at some point.
you both eventually fall asleep on top of one another on the couch.
charles.jpg
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charles.jpg i love my girlfriend
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carlossainz55 sending this to yn
⤷ charles.jpg No! This is so I can obsess over her quietly.
yn
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liked by charles_leclerc, and 11,191,201 others
yn a weekend well spent with myyyy loveeee 💌
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charles_leclerc That last video was not necessary😊
charles_leclerc
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liked by yn, and 10,579,708 others
charles_leclerc Ma belle! My talented and beautiful girlfriend 😘
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charles_leclerc Send her hate and I will send you 10000 photos of her and you will love her and you will stop.
yn my scrumptious, handsome, cutesey, fatherly, talented, fast, racer, amazing, cool, chill bf who helped me fulfill my grumpy x sunshine trope dream. loveu
⤷ charles_leclerc So much to unravel but I am NOT grumpy. ⤷ landonorris yes you are
ynchar YN AT THE PADDOCK. WE WON!
yn
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liked by charles_leclerc, and 20,282,585 others yn bet that person who called me a bad wag has never attended a gp like me 😉
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charles_leclerc You should talk like this more.
⤷ yn anyone comes for my man I WILL FIGHT. I CAN FIGHT.
stcharles I love how Charles comments in every post of yn 🥹 ynsbabe petty yn is so iconic😭😭😭😭
0ferrari0_ love my queen
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muniimyg · 2 years ago
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kimi's comfort fics (2023)
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note: these fics are pretty "old" since most of the writers are no longer active or the fics have been posted years ago.. BUT !!! some are recent with active writers so i would 100% recommend u check out their other works nd send them love !!! that being said, i did not link the stories but i did link the writers 🫡 this way u can check out their other works nd blog in general 💅🏼✨
nevertheless, they are all masterpieces that have heavily inspire my work nd personal life because i am delulu 24/7 <3 this list consists of my core comfort fics like... y’all don’t even fcking know how much i love them
‼️ for the most part, all of these fics imply mature content !!! minors dni ‼️
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smau recs
@firebettercallnct
color of your shirt (kth)
cuffed (knj)
stay and cook (jjk)
stole your shirt (jjk)
went through your phone (jjk)
these fics were the ones that made me absolutely fall in love with smaus. smt abt the style nd way the plot seamlessly depict a beautiful and lighthearted aura... ugh, it jus gets me every mfking time </3 
@kimnjss
be my baby (myg)
cyberslut (myg)
kinda hot (kth)
cherry pickers (jjk)
plot twist (knj) 
i think kez is a mastermind nd i’ve always admired her constant updates nd organization! have u seen her taglist? BRUH i could never :’) these fics rlly made me feel BUTTERFLIES i don’t know how else to describe the way kez makes these works so fcking interesting every time
headcanons
@jungshookz
stuck with you (kth)
suit & tie (myg)
hellish (myg)
basketball!captain (myg)
baby, you can drive my car (myg)
beauty & the bookworm (knj)
these headcanons literally give the serotonin boost i need. they hit so mfking good nd the energy is jus 10/10
fic recs
series and drabbles by @noteguk
bad influence: collection (jjk)
any way you want (kth)
house rules (jhs)
for science (jhs)
let me tell u... these fics were a CULTURAL RESET. god bless them nd tHE WAY NALA IS BACK??? hello. i love u so much. thank u for creating such breath-taking stories with ur incredible writing... u’re insanely talented nd i look forward to more of ur work… like fuck,, i’m so shy rn 👉🏽👈🏽
series and drabbles by @yoonpobs
with you (ksj)
back-burner (myg)
ice skating and holding hands (myg)
cold (pjm)
i absolutely went ✨ I N S A N E ✨ for back-burner yoongi. i was literally taking an accounting class (which i failed nd i have never failed anything in my life) nd thursday aka back-burner update day would literally be my motivation to mfking LIVE. i love the underlying nostalgia in these works.. i literally don’t know who i would be without these fics (i’m downplaying how much i love them arghh)
series and drabbles by @1kook
skirt chasers (jjk)
netflix & chill (jjk)
dreamy (pjm)
absolute icons. literally so well written, it’s unforgettable !!!
series and drabbles by @h0neypjm
confident (jjk)
for practice (kth)
homie hopper till i die (pjm/kth)
these are the ones that... make me feel some type of way... like… 🦋⚡️❤️‍🔥 way… yk?
series by @floralseokjin
the devil wears armani (ksj)
crystallised saga (ksj)
please be naked (myg)
i think these fics stabbed me in the heart nd the wound never healed. that’s the best way i can put it... i love anything jordan writes but these... these are litereally the bane of my existance. crystallised has so much depth in it nd i honestly feel like i’m in the story with the characters.. i’ve never experienced desperation until i read the devil wears armani because wHAT THE FUCK... pbn is... yeah. let’s just stop here..... 😪
series by @btssmutgalore
nude (kth)
bicker (kth)
benefits (pjm)
🫶🏻 ok. we need to have a conversation about nude. NUDE HAS RUINED MY LIFE. yk why? because the same way it grasps my heart,, it breaks nd makes it new. literally. like mfker rlly said “whatever u say goes” bITCHJFKJSLS IM CRYING IN THE CLUBBBBBB 🫣
series by @personasintro
mutual help (jjk)
my tiny secret
i read mh while it was jus starting.. to see how much it progressed nd how many ppl read it now is mindblowing! my tiny secret was the first ever bts fanfic i ever read... so.... YESSSS
series by @gukslut
rattled (jjk)
oh my god. this has to be my ultimate comfort fic. i’ve never read something so original nd heartbreakingly beautiful. the gradual build nd the way each character experiences nd works thru their issues... chefs kiss... i read this fic at least once a month to remember what love feels like 🥹👊🏽
drabbles by @jeonqkooks
just friends (jjk)
angel baby (jjk)
the moon, and all the stars (jjk)
this is how you fall in love (jjk)
i always see jen sharing her thoughts on my work... but bro... let me mfking tell u... her work speaks for itself. i’m so in love......
drabble by @jungkxook
let’s play: dirty (jjk)
THIS ONE IS SUCH A FUN READ. i need it injected into me tbfh. i always reread it when i’m feeling down
drabble by @angelgukks
pu$$y fairy (jjk)
can not be beat. mfking love this drabble fr
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r4vn · 2 months ago
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–18+ LIFE RANT WRITER THOUGHTS & GIRL TALK
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listen yall we are about to get REALL personal im not sober from a houseparty i had last night playing Drinkopoly and if we gonna be writer besties LISTEN UP
so i have a fling. or an attempted flingy..situation rn. i havent seen him in nearly 2months now bc first month he had a situation and i went to uni!
but my GOD...THE PINING BETWEEN US? I NEED TO DIEE GUYS. i initiated the fling first (i sweet talked the hell out of him i love making men intimidated) and then never got to kiss him or see him or ANYTHING bc he had a srs situation going on. so now its just huge horny pining between us and texting bc his car is in another state rn and im at university AND THE FLING WAS SUPPOSED TO STOP WHEN I GOT TO UNI BUT I CONTINUED IT BC IDK KFNDJFBD ANYWAYS GUYS WHEN I TELL YOU OVULATION WAS KILLING ME AND THE URGES CARRIED INTO MY CYCLE AND I JUST CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM HE'S SO CUTE AND DORKY AND MAKES ME FLUSTERED SO BAD URRGHGKGKFKFG
his hands ..his arms..i love arms on a man so much i want them around me after a brief round of play fighting and he's jus holding me securely so i dont run.. they arent too veiny and his hands r soft and well kept and he has tattooes on his forearms of an artist we both love and i jus want to JUMP HIS BONES.
he has thee best, dorkiest smile and his laugh is so contagious its so silly and HES SO SILLY.
i dont care if we are the same height and he's a..not bigger guy..but like samoan-man build if YK WHAT I MEAN....samoans r big but not BIG. he jus has that masc bigger build and when he wears his work uniform and sends a video in it i pay no attention to the words spoken. errfgggngngfnffnnfnfnffnfndnhnhhnhnhn please pick me up and sit me on the counter omfggmg
AND OUR FIRST 2 HANGOUTS HE WAS HELPING ME W THINGS AND HE SPOKE SOFTLY AND IN SUCH A PRAISING WAY "there you go, you got it." "its okay youre doing good" IT TRIGGERED MY DENYING PRAISE KINK SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭😭SO😭😭BAD😭😭😭 WE WERE DRINKING AND I SHOULDA JUS KISSED HIM THERE
he's the flirty type to tease you gently and so smoothly guys lemme show you texts (i have samsung so 🙄)
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*bella is his dog i would die for her
BUT LOOK?? ISNT THST WAY OF FLIRTING?? SO HOT AND LEAVES YOU YEARNING FOR MORE??? URFGGKGGNG i need him under me moaning and whimpering and trembling RAAAAAHHH FUCK.
i keep imagining sharing beers with him again and kissin him as slowly as possible and he yearns for more but i back up nd he leans in even more trying to capture my lips till he grabs my waist with one hand and my jaw with the other forcing me to kiss him as he is getting impatient jus groaning into my mouth after waiting so long to kiss me eehehehehehehehee
or he just using me and im facing away from him and holds my hips as they meet with every thrust and reaches forward to put his hand over my mouth saying "awh i know baby... i know.." AGGGGGGHGHH
i think im done. i think. this will deleted whenever LFMAOAOA
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