#the ring is so beautiful ;^;

[wasabi-gumdrop]

Kabru has a secret admirer in the castle!

[orchid3a]

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE. ( zhongli x reader )

╰┈➤ you always believed in christmas miracles, but he took this concept to another level for you.

pairings — zhongli x fem!reader.

warnings — reader and zhongli are single parents before meeting each other, t*xic relationship (not with zhongli), mentions of domestic v*olence and ch*ating, a bit of misogyny and overall prejudice of the society with single mothers, fluff with children and between the parents, sugestiveness at the end.

word count — 5k

notes — this is a repost from the beggining of the year bc i had some problems back then, but this fic was supposed to be a christmas one and for zhongli's birthday. either way, it's now here! reblogs and feedbacks are appreacited <3

you’ve always loved christmas. 

it was a time when everything was magical, especially when you were a child, but such a magic didn’t die when you were growing up — it actually only grew, especially after you had your daughter. her father, your ex-husband, wasn’t the biggest fan of christmas. zandik was a doctor, and a logical one, and he almost spilled to your daughter that santa wasn’t real in the last christmas you three spent as a family, though you couldn’t tell if he was being mean or the idea of santa claus was so illogical that he didn’t comprehend why your daughter should believe it. 

either way, nahida still believed in santa, and you were sure your boyfriend and his children would do anything to keep such magic in your daughter’s life — and you couldn’t be more grateful. 

ganyu and xiao were two sweet hearts, accepting to go shopping with you to buy presents for your daughter and their father. it was a tradition that was passed down from your father to you, always bringing you along when he went to buy presents for your mother and siblings — you loved nothing more than to choose what they would be given, and seeing their eyes lighten up with the perfect gifts you had chosen. you used to take nahida with you, too, when you and zandik were still together, and you knew she loved to see the small smile on her father’s face when he opened his gift and saw the shirt or the new white coat his daughter had chosen for him. 

but that was in the past now, and your ex-husband didn’t want anything to do with nahida now. 

it was a shame, though. despite the bad way your relationship ended — with him cheating on you with one of his coworkers while you stayed at home taking care of your little treasure and doing everything to please him — nahida was still his daughter, a child that he had spent hours and hours talking when she was still in your belly, a child that he had treasured and did lots and lots of plans with you while she laid on his bare chest in a warm night of summer. but ever since your divorce, he hadn’t made any effort to be present in his daughter’s life again, but it didn’t seem like nahida was missing him. 

your boyfriend was a better father figure to her, anyway. 

after your divorce, you didn’t have anywhere to be — your ex husband made you quit your job after you got pregnant, so you could put all your energy into taking care of your baby and raising her the bestest you could. your best friends, cyno and tighnari, offered you a place to stay until you had a job and a good income to be able to live on your own with nahida, and you couldn’t be more grateful to them. if it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t have been hired in your boyfriend’s company as his secretary and become the neighbor of his younger brother, who played matchmaker for the both of you. 

zhongli was a kind boss, always understanding when you needed to call a sick day whenever nahida needed you, to the point that rumors about your involvement began even before you two were actually together.

apparently, he had always looked at you with a lovestruck expression that everybody saw except you — because, in your head, how could a man as successful as him, as handsome and kind as him, would look at you with love in his eyes instead of pity? with a failed marriage and a little girl to take care of, you had already made up your mind that you would never find love again. but zhongli was stubborn and would do anything to show you that he was different than your ex-husband, his plan coming to fruition when you found a job in your actual line of field, with venti’s and ei’s help. 

you were, at first, a bit hesitant in opening your heart again for another man. but you came to know that you and zhongli had passed by the same situation, a cheating wife that left him for her new affair, leaving two small children for him to take care of. if it wasn’t for venti and ei, in the words of the said younger brother of your ex boss, zhongli wouldn’t be able to raise his children to be such good kids. another thing that made you more prone to open yourself to him was the way he treated nahida, in such a care that you never saw your husband treating her — zhongli always coaxed giggles and giggles from her, and you knew you were in love with him watching him play with your daughter as if she was his own. 

now, after one year of being together and two months of living as a family, it was the first christmas you five would spend together. 

“aunt y/n, do you think daddy will like a new shirt? we can buy it blue to match with my hair!” ganyu’s excited voice took you from your thoughts, and you smiled at the young girl, nodding at her words, like xiao glared at his older sister.  

ganyu and xiao were nine and seven, and the kindest children you ever met. they had accept you and nahida in their lives as if you both had always been a part of it, and the three of them had a very special bond — none of your friends had children on nahida’s age, and it was good to see the sibling bond she was forming with zhongli’s children. she and ganyu became sisters in less than a day, and while xiao was shyer than his sister, nahida was already calling him big brother by the end of the first week you all were living together. you and zhongli couldn’t be happier, being able to be together and watching your children getting closer — he’d always whisper how good of a mother you were while kissing your forehead, making you hide your face on his chest due to embarrassment. 

“i think he will love one.” you agreed, hand messing ganyu's blue curls. “but maybe for his birthday? we need to remember that we need to buy two gifts for daddy.” sometimes it was bothersome the fact that your boyfriend's birthday was in the new year's eve, a date when people were already celebrating, but you tried to make it more special for him — zhongli's birthday celebration started as soon as he wake up, and it went through the whole day. he would turn thirty-four this year, and you wanted to make it as special as you wanted christmas to be. 

“why didn't daddy choose a better day to be born? like us, or nahida!” xiao's complaint was cute, his hand clutching your skirt and his brows furrowed in an unhappy face. 

you smiled at the younger boy, watching as ganyu looked at the dress shirts in the store. “we don't choose the day we're born, little man.” it was cute how he still flushed at your pet names for them, and you wondered if someday he'd grow too tired of them and ask you to stop. you hoped not, because both of them, ganyu and xiao, already had their special places on your heart — right at nahida's, but you feared it was too soon to call them like that.

“hmpf.” he pouted and you giggled, fighting the urge to pinch his cheeks and call him cute. 

“aunt y/n!” ganyu called you, a beautiful blue dress shirt in her small hands. “i'm sure daddy will like this one! it's like my hair!” she proudly exclaimed, a smile full of white teeth adorning her chubby cheeks. but before you could answer, you heard an irritated sound coming from xiao’s mouth, who was still clutching your skirt, narrowed eyes looking at the shirt his sister chose. 

“what about my hair then?” he asked and you sighed, knowing it would take a while to make those two agree on something. 

— 

zhongli smiled seeing the christmas’ lights shining on nahida’s green eyes. 

he had always worried about his relationship with your child, even before you two were a thing — it was embarrassing how much he had daydreaming about being in a relationship with you, a thirty two three old man fantasizing about his twenty-seven secretary, but he couldn’t help himself. not when you smiled so sweetly at him, always making sure that he had a cup of water and coffee with him and that he wasn’t overworking himself. you were zhongli’s dream woman, and he knew he needed to court you properly. 

you first told him about your daughter in a rainy day, after you had received a call from your friends, eyes glossy with tears — you explain that she had a fever through the whole night and you left her with your best friends so you could work, but it seemed like her condition was worse since you left. zhongli didn’t think twice about offering you a ride to your friends’ house then to the hospital, his heart contracting itself seeing your distressed face. you reluctantly accept, and the rest was story. 

that day was the confirmation that you needed that you should accept his moves on you, already searching for a new job so you could fully welcome zhongli in your life. the way he made nahida feel safe, despite the doctors' scaring and the needles in her little body, made the tears you were holding back to fall from your eyes — your ex-husband’s last words ringing in your head, of how much of a bad mother you would be without him and his help.

now, zhongli was walking hand in hand with your six-year-old daughter through the jewelry store, trying to look for the perfect ring to propose to you. 

“what gem do you think mommy would like, nahida?” he asked, his amber gaze eyeing some diamond’s rings on display, hands unconsciously reaching to take nahida between his arms so she could help him choose. she nuzzled between them, sighing contently before casting her green orbs on the rings and gasping softly. zhongli suppressed a chuckle — he missed when his children were small and innocent like her.

she pointed to a gold one with some green details, the diamond shaped in a heart with some emeralds around it. he wasn’t surprised though, as her favorite color was green — even the tips of her hair were dyed green, a courtesy of the day she, ganyu and xiao spent with venti. “that one, uncle ‘li!” she exclaimed, her face lightening up at the thought of your finger adorned with it. “but why are you gifting mommy it, uncle zhongli? my papa used to give her clothes or books.” nahida was the most intelligent and curious kid zhongli ever met, and he knew she’d ask why he wanted to give you a ring — though the mention of her father brought a sour taste to his mouth, he could never be angry at her for bringing him up. 

she was too small to understand how much her father made her mother suffer. 

“well,” he started, smiling at the vendor and pointing to the ring nahida liked. “i want to marry your mommy, and i’m going to ask her with the ring i’ll buy today. do you think she’ll accept it?” 

he didn’t want to admit it, but his heart was hammering inside his chest like he was a teenager once more — nobody knew about his plans of proposing, and zhongli wanted to keep things a surprise to everyone, but he knew he needed to ask nahida’s permission first. she was your entire world, just like his children were his, but he wanted to make a space for himself there, like you and your little girl had on his. and nahida’s acceptance was what he needed to feel confident enough to ask you those three little words. he knew you wouldn’t do anything that would hurt or put her in danger, and he couldn’t blame you. you were a single mother in a world that looked down at you with disdain in its eyes. 

though, nahida’s words caught him by surprise. “you promise you won’t make mommy cry like my papa did?” he looked puzzled at her, though he understood what she meant. “mommy thinks she hides things from me, but i’m not dumb. i remember when papa left us, she cried so much! and i don’t want to see her crying again.” she hid her face on his neck and zhongli sighed, stroking her back. 

“i promise, my sweetness. i will never make mommy cry sad tears, alright?” he almost didn’t notice her small nod, but he felt her small hands gripping the back of his dress shirt tighter. “does that mean i can marry mommy?” 

his heart felt more at ease when he heard her giggles. “of course!” nahida exclaimed while coming out from her hiding spot, a big smile on her face. “does that mean you’ll be my daddy, too?” as much as her voice had excitement on it, zhongli could recognize a bit of shyness, alongside the soft pink dusting her cheeks — but he felt his heart warm, and even though nahida didn’t know that, he already considered her his child, his youngest daughter. and to know that she wanted him to be her father figure was better than any other scenario he could think of. 

“yes, i’ll be your daddy too, my sweetness.” 

—

you looked down fondly at ganyu and xiao, both of them looking at their ice creams as if they were the richest treasure in the world.

at the end, they decided to buy a blue shirt as zhongli’s christmas’ present, and a gold wristwatch, with his black ornaments, as his birthday present. it was adorable to see how dedicated they were to find the perfect gift for their father, debating and arguing to try to find what he would like the most — in the end, you knew zhongli would use his gifts to work, showing his employees how cute and thoughtful his little angels were. 

“this ice cream is so good, mommy.” you smiled, at first, hearing xiao’s words, napkin ready to clean his lips off the almond cream around it — but you stopped dead in your tracks when you noticed how he called you. 

you never wanted to take their biological mother’s place in their lives, though zhongli always said that she never loved them like a mother should — she saw them as a way for him to continue married to her, so she could maintain her lifestyle as a ceo’s wife intact, partying and cheating on him behind his back and leaving his children to be taken care by nannies. once, he admitted to you that his biggest regret was choosing such a woman to be the mother of his children, whispering soon after that what happened to him and her led him to you, and zhongli couldn’t be more grateful. hearing him calling you that, although, filled your heart with warmth and your smile grew wider. 

xiao was more introverted and reserved than ganyu, perhaps because of the so little time he spent with his mother before she and zhongli divorced. you thought he would be the last one to call you that, and you would be alright if he never did — the love you felt for them and the love they felt for you couldn’t be described in just a simple title. 

“you’re getting your mouth all dirty, dummy.” as a good older sister, ganyu scolded him gently, though her mouth was dirty with some of the chocolate toppings of her ice cream. “it isn’t mommy’s job to clean you.” 

you didn’t know if it was influence of her brother or just the mood that made her call you like that too, but you swallowed the lump in your throat. “it is mommy’s job to clean him, baby. it’s mommy’s job to look after the both of you, and nahida, and daddy too.” you tried to explain, napkins ready to clean them both. they giggled and, to any onlooker, you looked like a happy and small family — as you were, though two components of it were missing. 

however, your giggles died down when you spotted familiar curls of light blue hair and a pair of red eyes looking straight at you. 

you could recognize zandik’s eyes anywhere you went — they were sharp and calculating, the emotion shining on them always indecipherable. you used to find them beautiful, especially in the early days of your relationship with him, when they used to shine and sheer adoration, but now they only brought a sour taste to your mouth. but as soon as you noticed his presence there, you returned your eyes to your children, continuing to smile at them. 

“mommy!” before you could say something, you heard your sweet girl’s voice, her small hands waving at you while she was perched comfortably between zhongli’s arms.

“daddy and ‘hida are back, xiao!” ganyu exclaimed, feet already taking her to where her father was standing. you offered your hand to xiao, who took it with more enthusiasm than normal, you two followed his big sister to finally find the two other members of your family. 

though you could still feel your ex-husband’s gaze on your back. 

you sighed relieved when zhongli’s arms embraced your body, burying your face on his neck — his sandalwood scent managed to ease your heart a bit, though you were still waiting for disaster to happen with zandik around. you heard the girls’ giggles and xiao’s little ‘tsk’ at your display of affection, and you could feel your boyfriend’s smile while he kissed your lips. 

“i hope these little rascals didn’t give you any trouble, my dearest.” he spoke, voice deep and soothing, as if he could sense your distress at the moment. you smiled, shaking your head, while ganyu and xiao snuggled themselves in your sides. 

surprisingly, xiao was the first one to speak. “we would never give mommy any trouble, daddy.” you watched as surprise and pure love passed through zhongli’s features, his eyes the warmest you ever saw — it was as if he had dreamed about the day his children would finally acknowledge you as their true mother, despite the blood running through his veins. ganyu nodded and joined her brother’s chorus, nodding. 

“you’re the only one who we give trouble to, daddy!” 

you ruffled their heads. “i hope my little rascal didn’t give you any trouble, my love. i know how curious she can be.” you returned his question to him, hands still caressing xiao’s and ganyu’s hair, winking at your little girl who giggled between zhongli’s arms, that being your favorite sound in the world. she looked so at ease and at her place being nursed and loved by him, as if he was the one supposed to be her father from the very beginning. 

“my fault. she inherited it from her father, i suppose.” 

you didn’t remember his voice being so cold, as if it was the chill of the first snow of the year — it wasn’t fitting no, as your husband hailed from the west, from a place that never snowed. maybe it was the influence of some of his coworkers from the north, but you still remembered when that voice used to be your source of peace and comfort. “zandik.” you greeted him, not bothering to turn around to look at him, more concerned in protecting your children from his venom. they seemed to understand how dangerous he was, clinging to you even more. 

though, the worst part was watching nahida’s expression seeing her father after so long. her eyes were wide, but her lips were trembling and her small hands were clutching zhongli’s shirt with a strength you never saw before. you wanted nothing more than to just take her away from here, but zhongli’s expression told you he was willing to protect her like you would. it hurt you to know that your daughter was aware of the monster her father was, and you felt as if you had failed your mission to protect her childhood innocence. 

he chose to ignore your presence, focusing his attention on zhongli and nahida, as if his ego was hurt by the fact his daughter didn't run straight to his arms. “why a strange man is holding my daughter, y/n?” you turned to face him, instinctively putting ganyu and xiao behind you, hoping to protect them.

“he's my boy—” 

“he's my daddy!” nahida's voice cut you off, leaving everyone speechless. “he's going to marry mommy and not make her cry like you did, papa.” she explained, voice quiet like a feather reaching the ground after failing — though, to you, her words resonated inside your head, for two reasons: she was too young to be worried about someone making you cry. 

and zhongli wanted to marry you. 

zandik answered with a dry chuckle, his eyes shining with the same anger it did back then. “what poison about me did you feed to my daughter, you bitch?” you watched as his hand started to move towards your figure, and you closed your eyes, memories of the day when you confronted him about his cheating played in your head — the screams and the tears, the harsh words and his hands bruising your face. 

though, the impact of his fist in your jaw didn't happen again. 

you opened your arms to see zhongli in front of you, nahida being supported only by one of his arms but looking worried at your shaking form, his other hand holding zandik's arm, fingers squeezing your ex-husband’s wrist — even ganyu and xiao got away from their hiding place, now in front of you, as if they were ready to protect you. 

“do not ever dare to touch my wife like that again, scum, or i will make sure you regret messing with my family again.” zhongli said, voice firm and demanding. “get out of my sight or else nobody in this world will make me stop hunting you for hurting y/n.” 

— 

it pained him to see you like this. 

zhongli could see how strong you tried to look for the children, especially nahida. after the encounter with her father — and his boyfriend now, the same man who zandik had cheated on you with, who was lurking in the shadows until zhongli stepped up — she was visibly shaken up, not leaving your arms until your little family arrived home. in the walls of her safe place, nahida regained her light, and xiao and ganyu seemed relieved, ready to play with his little sister. 

nor you or zhongli touched the subject in front of them, and he was waiting for night time, the only time when he was alone with you in the confines of your shared room, to extract your real feelings. he could see how your smiles didn’t reach your eyes, or how your laugh seemed forced — it seemed like the kids did too, all three of them snuggled in your arms during the movie you were watching, while you were snuggled at his side. he couldn’t ask for anything better than to have the love of his life and his children safe in his arms, though his mind was running miles trying to find a way to make your husband pay for what he made you and nahida go through.

another thing that he wanted to discuss was the little secret nahida spilled. 

he didn’t blame her, of course. zhongli understood it was her way of protecting him and her mother from her father’s words, and he couldn’t be more grateful for her actions — it was a testimony of how well you were raising her, and also a testimony that you both were better without the shadow of zandik looming over you. nahida now had space to grow her opinions and be whatever she wanted, and zhongli was happy that he was able to provide such an environment for her, alongside you. 

the sound of the door opening made him tear his eyes from his book, gentle gaze now focused on your form. you were wearing some pajamas pants and an old t-shirt of his, and he swore you looked the most beautiful you ever did looking like that — perhaps, you in a white dress walking down the aisle to meet him could beat such a sight. he opened his arms and you took no time to just jump between them, face nuzzled on his neck, his warm hands drawing circles on your lower back. you sighed contentedly. “how is she?” he knew you were putting nahida to sleep, being the one who aided you in putting the children in their respective rooms, staying a bit more in her room to make sure she was alright. 

“she’s still a bit shaken up.” you answered, voice muffled by his shirt. zhongli tightened his arms around you, kissing your hair. “i explained to her that zandik will never take her away from us, but she made me promise it at least three times.” your chuckle was a sad one, and he feared you bursting into tears for someone who didn’t deserve it — though, he couldn’t help and feel warm inside by the fact you included him and his children in your family. 

he kept his silence, only humming, knowing you had to say more. “why is he like that? why i couldn’t see how horrible he was from day one?” you seemed defeated, and his blood boiled at the sensation of your tears soaking his shirt. 

zhongli knew very well how you felt. “love normally clouds our senses, dearest.” you took your face from its hiding spot, meeting his amber eyes — gentle and shining with endless love for you, making your heartbeat race just like in the first time you saw them. “but he will never try to approach you or nahida again, do you hear me?” he held your face between his large hands, thumb caressing your cheeks in a loving way. you nodded, giving him a smile that resembled your normal ones. 

“i wish you were nahida’s father from the start, ‘li.” you admitted, a pout on your lips. he pecked them briefly, almost giving you no time to melt into the kiss, kissing your forehead soon after. 

he helped you to get up from his embrace, legs straddling his thighs, while taking a small black velvet box from under your pillow. “if you say yes, i can.” 

you looked between him and the velvet box as if you didn't understand what was happening, but in reality, you couldn't believe it. why zhongli, a man so fine like the most delicious wine, wanted to marry you? a poor excuse of a woman and mother, who still got shaken up with the presence of her ex-husband? you knew he deserved someone so much better than yourself, but you wanted to be that person — but the tears were already glossing your vision and your head came to rest on his chest, his hands holding you close to his body.

you cried like a child, the velvet box between your hands and zhongli's long fingers between your hair. his warmth was almost soothing you, almost whispering that you were made and born to be in that position, between his arms and feeling his love for all eternity. 

your sobs calmed in the same intensity zhongli's love professions became more and more passionately, his words making you see that even if you didn't feel like you were deserving of his love, he felt like you were. and that was enough, you came to realize — zhongli's love was his to give to anyone he deemed worthy of, and he deemed you and your daughter worthy of his endless affections. 

“yes.” you whispered against the pale skin of his neck, now a bit red from the small love bites you gave him after you calmed down. the velvet box was still resting in your hands, and after giving his neck another kiss, you positioned yourself to face him and his amber gaze, eyes already tearing up by the love shining on them. 

zhongli's hands were ready to open it, showing you the most beautiful ring you ever saw in your life — a gold band with a heart shaped diamond in the middle, some emeralds, as the same color as your sweet girl's eyes, around it, making the ring perfect for you. you nodded again, heart racing when he took your hand in his and put the ring on your finger. as soon as you felt the cold band in your warm skin, you cupped his face, bringing his face to meet yours in a passionate kiss.  

“thank you.” zhongli whispered against your lips after he broke the kiss, and you smiled, though not ready for his next words. “thank you for loving me, for choosing this scarred and brute man to be your husband.” you just stroked his face, letting him talk his heart out. “thank you for being the best mother for nahida and now to ganyu and xiao.” his lips soon found your face once again, now caressing your cheek. “i love you.” he whispered with his nose on your cheek, his plump lips pressing a big and sloppy kiss there, his hands now roaming through your body — you knew what he wanted, already grinding your hips against his. 

“you'll make me cry again.” you managed to say between the shaky breaths leaving your mouth due to his wandering hands. “i— ah— love you.”

both of you couldn't wait to be intertwined as one for eternity, expressed by the sounds and movements of your bodies — and the proposal would always be remembered by you as one of your christmas's miracle.

[corneliarose14]

Robert Aramayo really stole the show for me this episode . He was SPECTACULAR 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Commander Elrond you are amazing 🤩♥️

[acetier]

"Be a good mongrel and stay. Down."

[inthiskingdomwewillendure]

Eowyn's blue golden mourning dress in 4k

[assassin-artist]

what ive learned so far

[bioluminesced]

sunset over minas tirith

[merilles]

Ladies of the Ring 💍✨

[sweetmapple]

When your Lambkin uses the Pureblood Knight Medal before the commencement of your dynasty

[bonesmarinated]

stained glass commission of my Tarnished - Age of The Star ending ✨🌙⭐by eshpur (x)✨🌙⭐

[realtacuardach]

One of my favorite takes on Frodo, and why I value him so much as a character: unlike so many central characters in fantasy, he was not a Chosen One.

Instead, he was the One who Chose, and that made all the difference.

[nikinikori]

There's Something There [Adar's ver.]

[mobius-m-mobius]

(i n / s p)

[inthiskingdomwewillendure]

King Theoden's armor in 4k

[teddyniffler]

Rings of Power: Doomed to die. Pretty scenes

[partfae]

Sauron, Galadriel, & Tolkien's Theology of Repentance - Part One

Summary: Character meta analysis on Sauron (and Galadriel, through the lens of Sauron). Based on both Silmarillion & RoP canon. 3.5k words. Discussion of Catholic theology involved. Blanket TW for discussion of violence, manipulation, etc., because Sauron. Spoilers for S1 & S2 and the Silmarillion, of course. The tragedy of Sauron is that he gets offered so many legitimate chances at redemption and forgiveness, and he denies them every single time. But we know he wants absolution, because that’s what he sees Galadriel as: his chance to bind himself back to the light, to be Mairon again, to heal the pain that he caused and that was caused to him under Morgoth. But because he has such a warped view of himself and his actions, he dismisses genuine extensions of compassion, forgiveness, and care as simultaneously beneath him and too good for him. And yet, he still pursues redemption, but through none of the channels offered to him.

In The Rings of Power, he’s given the explicit instruction to change for the good in the village after he’s reborn. He’s given the chance leave his past behind and work meaningfully in Númenor. He’s given the chance to redeem himself by Galadriel's offer of friendship (or love, depending on your interpretation). In the Silmarillion, he's even given the chance by Eönwë himself, and comes close to leaving Morgoth behind completely!

Let's look at this passage from Of the Rings of Power and the Third Age (emphasis mine):

When Thangorodrim was broken and Morgoth overthrown, Sauron put on his fair hue again and did obeisance to Eönwë the herald of Manwë, and abjured all his evil deeds. And some hold that this was not at first falsely done, but that Sauron in truth repented, if only out of fear, being dismayed by the fall of Morgoth and the great wrath of the Lords of the West. But it was not in the power of E��nwë to pardon those of his own order, and he commanded Sauron to return to Aman and there receive the judgement of Manwë. Then Sauron was ashamed, and he was unwilling to return in humiliation to receive from the Valar a sentence, it might be, of long servitude in proof of his good faith; for under Morgoth his power had been great. Therefore when Eönwë departed he hid himself in Middle-earth; and he fell back into evil, for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong.

This passage is clear that Eönwë is willing to pardon Sauron--he simply did not posses the power to do so. But when Sauron was told he must appeal directly Manwë, he gave up entirely and skulked back to Middle-earth. There are a few ways to read this:

1. He was not wholly repentant

Sauron simply wanted the protection of a new master in the absence of Melkor. i.e., he was rather fickle and simply wanted to be on whatever the "winning" side was. This is supported by the text literally saying that at least some of his obeisance was completely false, and that he only made a point of feeling bad about anything once his master had been chucked into the Void and his armies and strongholds were being destroyed (Thangorodrim). In this reading, perhaps Eönwë saw Sauron's treachery and referred him to Manwë knowing that it would be a test of his true intent. However, while a valid interpretation, I believe this to be the less holistic of the two.

2. He was truly repentant

Sauron did truly feel badly and "abjured all his evil deeds," but he was unwilling/unable to humble himself after being so fundamentally broken by Melkor and developing an insatiable power lust (hey, he isn't defined in the narrative by lust and pride for nothing).

Earlier in this same chapter, Tolkien wrote that Sauron could "...deceive all but the most wary." This is in the specific context of his physical shapeshifting. But, I would argue that this can also be tied to his lies. Tolkien has a specific ethic of beauty, where physical perfection is equated with moral goodness. Sauron completely inverts what is otherwise a hard and fast rule within Tolkien's writings by being the character most frequently described as "fair"--seven times to Lúthien's six, and she was the most beautiful woman to have ever lived!

(Side note: I have another post on Tolkien & beauty in the works where I'll get more into this idea)

Why does this matter? Even though this interaction with Eönwë takes place in the First Age, Sauron could at this point be in the demonic form Mirdania describes in the forge. And, I am inclined to believe that Eönwë, as the head Maiar and herald of Manwë, would be a pretty wary guy, and thus able to sense any of Sauron's trickery. I read this to mean that Eönwë looked at Sauron and saw his potential to be Mairon again, either in absence of his evil form or in spite of it.

Because Sauron is incredibly beautiful. And even if it is a disguise of the true, depreciated form of his spiritual essence, he presented himself to Eönwë at his most beautiful. He wanted, even in his act of repentance, to make himself more favorable in Eönwë's eyes. To show up as Mairon (who was likely close friends with Eönwë before everything went down, since they are considered to be two of the most powerful Maia and would have worked closely together).

But I don't think this was all manipulation on Sauron's end. I agree with the scholars mentioned in the text who believed that Sauron was truly repentant--which is why Eönwë even bothered referring him to Manwë instead of kicking him into the Void with Melkor.

And this is the tragedy: Sauron is told exactly how to repent, and believes fundamentally that it is an impossible path for him. And yet, he still longs so intrinsically for it! He was, under Aulë, a Maia of precision, perfection, and order. Under Morgoth, he feels disordered, dis-regulated. He needs to correct the fundamental imbalance within him, so why does he flee Eönwë?

It comes back to Sauron's pride.

If he follows through with this path of reconciliation, there is no way he can hide or pretend his actions away. If he cannot trick his fellow Maiar, he certainly cannot trick the Valar. And he cannot stand the idea of submitting himself back under their rule, especially now that he has tasted power. This is a pride wound; it is why the idea of confessing to Manwë would be humiliating to him as opposed to just upsetting/uncomfortable.

Again, the pivotal moment: he is told how to make amends for crimes and determines that he cannot do it. So he returns to Middle-earth and stews in his own self-hated and self-pity for a few years. In that time, he consciously or subconsciously latches onto Eönwë's offer--forgiveness from penance. It is the way forward. And if he cannot earn penance at Manwë's hand, he will do it on his own.

The Prodigal Son

This is where we have to talk about the Catholic roots of Tolkien's work for a moment. The scene where Sauron approaches Eönwë mirrors the biblical parable of the prodigal son. In this story, a man abandons his family, spends all his money, and falls into ruin. But when he recognizes his failings and returns to his father to get help, he is welcomed back into the family without question--in other words, he is forgiven and restored to his former position.

17 But when he [the prodigal son] came to himself he said, “How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! 18 I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” 20 So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. - Luke 15:11-32, NRSV CE (emphasis mine)

The parallel is clear; Mairon, the repentant Maia, returns home with hopes of reconciliation. He is prescribed the same task that the prodigal son offered to his father: he must be bound in servitude to his father/creator in order to pay off his debts. This is a deliberate allusion from Tolkien. The story of the prodigal son models the path of reconciliation that Eönwë describes. Tolkien seems to be drawing a line in the sand with this: Sauron is unwilling to do the work required by the Valar for repentance, so he is unable to receive the grace of a warm welcome back into the fold of the Ainur. Since he did not humble himself, he has to be told to do it. And he does not want to! He wants to be loved, but he also wants his power--evidence, in a way, of how his character was fundamentally altered in his time with Morgoth.

His pride--and his fear--cut him off from the potential of grace. He does not know for certain that Manwë would subject him to servitude (though I would argue that it's textually evident that it is a custom), but this assumption leads him to flee, which allows him to slip back into his old ways.

He wants to be Mairon (admirable) again, not Sauron (abhorrent). He wants to be accepted and loved, but not punished. He wants the benefits of reconciliation without the work he would have to do to earn it or the shame he would feel as he did. It's pride, but it's also deep shame--the flip side of his extreme ego is an implicit self-hatred, one that we can see in the subtext of how he speaks about himself and about his time with Morgoth.

Even the language Tolkien uses is heavily shame-coded, especially in a Catholic context; Mairon did not go willingly, he was "seduced." He admits to Celebrimbor that he was "tortured by a god". It becomes exceedingly clear through both text and on-screen canon that Sauron was routinely broken and abused for centuries. This has fundamentally damaged his self-perception, which is ultimately what leads him to "[fall] back into evil"--whether due to pride or shame, he hides, perhaps because he consciously or subconsciously does not believe that he deserves forgiveness, no matter how much he craves it.

Naked in the Garden

His flight back to Middle-earth after meeting Eönwë is reminiscent of another biblical scene, where Adam and Eve, after committing the first sin, hide from God in shame and fear (emphasis mine):

7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked...9 But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 He said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” -Genesis 7-10, NRSV CE

The image of nakedness is, here, one of vulnerability, and Tolkien establishes that Sauron fears that which he cannot control. He needs the Rings under his power. He needs his armies and his enemies under his watchful eye. He is petrified of letting his power slip away (possibly due to never wanting to feel powerless in the hands of a Vala, fallen or not, again).

The biblical allusion here hearkens back to the fear Tolkien describes Sauron as feeling regarding his return to the Ainur. In the religious system Tolkien has established, which is likely inspired by his own religious beliefs, Sauron has sinned, and must make penance. But he is afraid of God/Manwë, and does not want to "let go" of his sin. In other words, he is not truly repentant. This reflects the Catholic sacrament of confession, which requires self-reflection and resolve to never commit the sin again.

Instead of shame driving him to contrition, it drives him to isolation.

But he still wants forgiveness. So, in his years of hiding in Middle-earth, he decides to earn it himself. His own way.

Enter the Rings.

Sauron wants to perfect the wrong he wreaked so that he can both earn his way back into the Ainur and keep his power. But what he does not realize is that this does not work. Eönwë is clear that he must forsake his true temptation--absolute power--through penance by submission. Yet Sauron in his pride thinks he can have it all. Sauron is a very carefully controlled villain, and the only times he snaps or makes significant mistakes are when his inflated self-perception is challenged, revealing the self-loathing and/or self-pity underneath. The best example of this is when he kills Celebrimbor prematurely, and cries afterwards. Why? Because Celebrimbor was right about him, and he hates it. He hates knowing that he is nothing more than the Morgoth's shadow, because Morgoth was his master as much as he was his tormentor. As Sauron puts it, his relationship with Morgoth was often defined by pain as a test to see "whose will was the mightier":

This image carries more shame, both in its implicit sexual connotations and in the simple power dynamic of it. Sauron, even though misguided, is rallying against Morgoth. He wants to break what Morgoth has created and build something new, something better, something apart from his old master entirely. But Celebrimbor confronts him with reality: he has not created something new, and perfect, and special, as he so wanted to--he can only act in imitation, not in generation. And when he got close with the Rings, it cost him everything. It's almost like he wants the power of a Vala, and loathes that he cannot attain it.

And this is why he becomes so singularly obsessed with Galadriel.

She’s his foil. They both crave power and adoration, but in the end of things, she does not fold under his temptation. She turns down everything she has ever wanted for the greater good and for the sake of her own soul. Sauron looks at Galadriel and perceives that she would have succeeded at Eönwë's test because she is willing and able to humble herself. This maddens him to the point of both desiring her and desiring to break her.

She learns that she is easily tempted and becomes strong enough to handle it (through a lot of tough love from Elrond & co.). She has to learn how to do it, but she is able to.

She grows from someone who resisted and rejected authority to someone who is trusted as an authority because of her ability to wield it wisely (see: Gil-galad allowing her to answer for him in 2x08).

In other words, she earns the trust, love, and support of her community. Sauron has to force his to comply—it is an illusion of love.

His possessive obsession with her also stems from her fairness. She was the object of her uncle Fëanor's obsessive desire for creation as well. Her hair was the inspiration of the Silmarils (see: The History of Galadriel and Celeborn; The Shibboleth of Fëanor - source with page #s here), which Morgoth desired more than anything to possess.

Sauron, wanting to spite his master, wants one better--to own that which inspired the Silmarils, to own the image of fairness (and thus of moral good) completely. This is why he wants to bind himself to her. This is why he needs her. He sees Galadriel as his mechanism of repentance, and his last triumph over Morgoth. Winning her is his salvation as much as it is proving that his will is the mightier. It is his way of dominating Morgoth. This starts, I think, as a genuine effort at proving himself to the Valar, but quickly consumes him entirely. He is overcome with the desire for revenge, just as Galadriel was at the beginning of the First Age.

And he sees this in her. Sees their similarities. Sees that she, too, is angry and lonely and so afraid of losing her power. And he leverages that to befriend her. This is where it gets ambiguous and you can read RoP as either painting the image of Sauron being earnest but completely misguided in his proposal, or you can see it as him being entirely manipulative.

I think the truth of that scene probably falls somewhere in the middle; just like when he presents himself to Eönwë, he is sincere in his desire, but only knows how to present it in an inherently contriving way. He does want to bind her to him, so he tries to only reveal to her the good aspect of that desire (and also of his desire for power, which he allows her to see because he believes that it is good and also because she understands it), and not the ugly underside of his internal struggle against Morgoth, the Valar, and himself.

And I do think, in his own way, he cared about her. Galadriel consistently shows kindness and compassion to him. In S1, they grow to know each other's minds and souls, and she considers him a close friend. He finds comfort in this, that someone could see the blackness of his heart and care for him anyway. He thought, in his isolation, that he lost that chance when he fled back to Middle-earth. And here is the very picture of the light itself telling him that she supports him, that she sees the good in him, that she wants to help him set the world to rights! Of course he is infatuated by this. Of course he also wants to use it. He is Sauron.

But Galadriel succeeds where he fails, so he stops playing nice and tries to forcibly drag her down with him. First, by baiting her with the image of the man she cared deeply for:

Then, by reminding her of all she is losing by rejecting him:

And she is still strong enough to say no. And not just to say no, but to shut the door completely. To look in the face of everything she has desired for centuries and turn it down, understanding that it will ruin her. Yes, she hesitates. Yes, she still wants it (wants him). But she wins the day by holding fast to the light that Sauron wishes so badly to bind himself to.

Because she has lost everything--her brother, her husband, the station as commander, the trust of her high king and best friend--and earns it back only through her resistance of her greatest temptation. It is a struggle, it is painful, it nearly kills her--but she does it. She wins the test that Sauron could not even bear to face.

In their headlong, self-sacrificial tendencies, they are the same. Both view themselves as fundamentally stronger/better than their peers while also being deeply lonely due to their self-imposed isolation (Galadriel's laser-focused hunt for revenge, Sauron's exile in Middle-earth). But to Galadriel, the light is more important than her pride.

For Sauron, the light is his source of pride. He desires it more than anything, but condemns himself to never being able to touch it due to his rejection of Eönwë's offer. Paradoxically, he tries to grasp at it through Galadriel, the living silmaril, and succeeds only in darkening her. We learn from Gil-galad in 2x08 that his crown piercing her flesh in an act of brutal domination nearly strips her soul from her and pitches it into the unseen world. In this, Sauron is saying: If I cannot have you, I will force you to need me. I will break you into loving me.

He says this to Celebrimbor as well. He no longer knows how to love properly. He only knows how to inflict pain until this object of his obessive desire needs him--just like how his immortal spirit was broken into submission by Morgoth. And isn't this revealing of his own sense of self? He refuses to suffer the path of light, but willingly suffers the maddening path of darkness because it is a comfortable, familiar suffering. One, he tells Celebrimbor, he even grew to enjoy (2x08). As the path of the Rings drive him madder and madder, his desire for the light (Galadriel) and the return of his power (Celebrimbor) become further disordered and corrupted until they culminate in him destroying them--and his chance at earning/owning them--entirely.

And this is Sauron's ultimate point of no return (which we will hopefully see in S3 🤞). The razing of Eregion and slaying of Celebrimbor were acts of petty rage he committed when his pride was injured. This was the final nail in the coffin. Galadriel, in her rejection of him, ruins what he sees as his true chance for redemption.

Galadriel, now stepping into the role of Eönwë, re-opens the invitation: "Heal yourself!" (2x08). But in rage and shame and stubborn pride, he turns it down again. I believe this is where his desire to heal Middle-earth shifts fundamentally into desire to dominate Middle-earth. He always wanted to rule, but now he wants to own.