#the reviewniverse

[the-uncanny-dag]

Some remaining part of my soul that still likes reviewers compels me to refurbish TBF myself to prove that it's entirely possible to get a director's cut from a different director that improves something beyond the length

[thatgamefromthatad]

So I looked into the user who wrote the Gardenscapes fanfiction I was posting about last night and the username was The Reviewniverse Podcast, so I just googled The Reviewniverse Podcast and checked it out and it was really funny and enjoyable! I only listened to one episode (their mobile games episode) but basically their thing is that they review a different type of product every episode. The guy that Austin was getting busy with in the fanfiction, I didn’t recognize the name and I assumed it was some celebrity, but it was actually one of the podcast hosts lol.

They do a lot of bantering and stuff in the podcast in between talking about the actual topic which I know some people don’t like but they’re really hilarious so if it sounds like something you’d enjoy I’d definitely recommend it! Still no clarity on exactly why this particular fanfic was written (it was the only thing they ever posted to fanfiction.net) except that the host that was featured in it liked the game more than the other guy. He said he hated Austin though :( But at least he had thought out reasons for why and not just “because he’s the guy from those annoying ads”

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2vfUHzCuUlderBMmLv8bbl?si=tt_5Z1KxTXahwrrn6XE9GQ

[mistermike1967]

Steven Reviewniverse - Summer of Steven - Week 3

-= A Gem Hunt Will Crack the Whip in a Steven v.s Amethyst Situation That Turns Bismuth into a Beta =-

Welcome to Steven Reviewniverse. This review will consist on all of the episodes included in Week 3 of the Summer of Steven event. Week 2 was rather weak, but i'm sure Week 3 will pick up some of the slack... right?

-= Gem Hunt - Strange Wilderness =- In this Episode, Steven, Pearl and... Connie head into the Canadian wilderness to hunt down a Gem Monster, poof it, and leave it to a lifetime of painless suffering. The trio find what they're looking for in quick order, and prepare to fight it... or should I say THEM, as there's two of them. Oddly enough, the beasts don't feel inclined to fight them, and rush right over and away. Connie, like a fucking retard, suggests they split up, which Pearl just kinda agrees to for some reason. Given that this is a "kids" show and Connie is a Mary Sue, she'll be alright. Unfortunately. And from this point on, there's nothing but aimless wandering and searching. Eventually Steven and Connie find the monster, and the two try to keep quiet so as not to get torn to ribbons, but Pearl suddenly screams into their walky-talky, alerting the beast to their presence. Steven tries to talk to a literal monster, which goes about as well as you'd expect. Connie readies her sword and goes in to attack-- wait, she doesn't attack the monster, and instead hesitates? ... So wait. Connie... is actually FAILING at something? Connie is failing at something! CONNIE IS FUCKING FAILING AT SOMETHING! LIKE A REAL CHARACTER DOES! I can't actually believe it. After 90+ episodes, after all of the preferential treatment she's recieved, and the unbelievable and undeserved importance thrown onto her, the writers actually have her NOT succeed at something for once. IT'S A FUCKING MIRACLE. The episode can just end here for all I care, I mean it's not like they're gonna top this at aLL JASPER OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE JUST UP AND FUCKING DROPS THE MONSTER ON TO THE COLD HARD SNOW AND RIPS IT'S FUCKING GEM OUT OF IT'S BODY LIKE A FUCKING BADASS AND SHE ALREADY GOT THE OTHER MONSTER TOO AND THEN SHE FUCKING MUGS TO THE CAMERA OF STEVEN'S SHITTY i-PHONE LIKE SHE JUST FUCKED HIS MOM ROSE QUARTZ WITH HER 20 INCH DICK AND OHHHH MYYYY GOOOOOOOOD!! ... 5/10 it was alright. -= Crack the Whip - And the Next Day, And the Next Day, And the Next Day, And the Next Day, And the Next Day, And the Next Day... =- In this Episode, Steven and... Connie are preparing to do some sword training with Pearl, but due to the events in the previous episode, Pearl and Garnet have to go hunt for Jasper, who was last seen in Canada somewhere in the north, and leaves Amethyst to watch over them. Steven and Connie decide to do some training without Pearl but Amethyst, being a fucking useless piece of shit Amethyst, convinces the two to put off their training to go fuck around town, which leads to a fucking around town montage. But not long after the montage ends, a Gem Monster walks up on to shore. Amethyst, being just as much of a useless little shit as she's always been the only Crystal Gem on hand, takes care of the monster in short order. Steven then notes that there was a second one, and then MOTHERFUCKING JASPER comes riding up on top of the other beast. It turns out that the reason Jasper was in the arctic was to find and use the Gem Monsters as an army with which to defeat Steven, who she keeps refering to by his mother's, Rose Quartz's, name, which is odd because he looks nothing like her aside from the Gem, and i'm to assume there are more Rose Quartz gems in existence aside from that specific one, so either they've all been shattered or captured and imprisoned in bubbles somewhere. But anyways, Jasper wants to fuck Steven up but Amethyst wants to fuck HER up because oh yeah she has an inferiority complex and stuff. Amethyst readies her whip, lashes it at Jasper, and proceeds to get the absolute shit kicked out of her, I mean she gets fucked right up, which eventually leads into this choice exchange: Amethyst: "Rose said... I'm perfect... the way I am!" Jasper:  "Then she had low standards." Fucking priceless. Then Amethyst gets poofed, and just when you think she's done for (Because this is a show with an 86% mortality rate, doncha' know.), Stevvonnie Ex Machina arrives to beat Jasper off. Jasper, not pleased by this cheap tactic, retreats back into the ocean, assuring the group that she'll be back. Amethyst reforms for the second time in this show, donning a white outfit for some reason, and is all sad because she has an inferiority complex and she couldn't beat Jasper. End of episode. An alright episode. It seems we've finally got an active, recurring threat for the CGs to deal with, which is pretty nice considering that their rogue's gallery is shockingly small and all. Plus I like the idea of Jasper just popping up out of the ocean at random times to fight Steven and company, y'know like Steven would be visiting his Dad to play some bachside music and then all of a sudden Jasper fucking jumps out at him and breask Greg's stuff and Greg's just all "Aww maaaan...". A man can dream, y'know? -= Steven v.s Amethyst =- In this Episode, Steven and... Connie inform Pearl and Garnet, who have just returned from their mission, that they encountered and defeated Jasper. The two are estatic, and congratulate them on a job well done. Amethyst, however, is sad because she has an inferiority complex and stuff and she just isn't as strong and as perfect as Jasper. Steven asks Amethyst if she wants to come train with him Connie. When Amethyst rejects this invitation, he reveals to her that his training awards him Pearl Points. Smash cut to Pearl explaining that, in order to motivate Steven to train, she has to award him with literal good boy points and prizes from Pearl's magic fanny pack. So wait, you're telling me that Steven ISN'T training to protect anyone he cares about or to live up to the calibre of warrior his mother, Rose Quartz, was, but instead for some trite, almost selfish, gratifrication? ... well it lines up perfectly with the Crystal Gems' reasons for protecting Earth. Y'know, like Pearl doing it because her BEST FRIEND, Rose Quartz, wanted it, and Garnet doing it to live life as literal heterosexuality. In fact i'd say out of the three, Amethyst is the only one with any real, tangible reason to defend the place, given that she was born and raised there and has adjusted herself well to human society (read: eats garbage for a living.), as opposed to Pearl and Garnet, who live away from humans and don't really care about them or their property, as seen in episodes such as 'Beach Party' and 'Steven Floats'. But I digress. Amethyst agrees to take part in the training. Predictably, Steven is much better than Amethyst in every way, which leads to Amethyst coming to the true realization that she is, indeed, worst gem. But Steven hates seeing her like this, and somehow... reverse-psychologies her into a competition to prove who is the worst. Steven almost dies, and they both laugh it off, end of episode. This episode was stupid. Nothing of substance happens and despite trying really hard to make me give a shit about Amethyst's problem, I find myself caring even less about her. The main reason being is that, in spite of her knowing what her problem is (Not being strong enough to fight Jasper.), does nothing to really improve herself. She takes part in Pearl's training, but just half-asses it and goes off to sulk about how much better Steven is than her. Complete trash. -= Bismuth - I Live in Canada Where This Wasn't the Last Episode of the Week So... =- In this Episode, Steven and the Crystal Gems are playing video games when Lion begins acting the mickey with one of Steven's shirts. To remedy this, Steven enters Lion's Mane to go hang it up on a tree branch next to the other shit he never uses, like that bubbled Bismuth Gem that was forshadowed years ago. Speaking of which, Steven pops that bubble and released Bismuth, a large "black-coded" (whatever the fuck that means) Gem, and THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE CRYSTAL GEM WHO WILL GO ON ALL SORTS OF ADVENTURES WITH STEVEN-- wait, who's she voiced by? Uzo Aduba? You mean Orange is the New Black's Uzo Aduba? Well great, another guest character we'll never see again  after this episode, aside from flashbacks. Just lovely. Anyways, she's an old friend of Pearl and Garnet's, which is great, right? They all catch up and make merry, and she even upgrades Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl's weapons. All should be well, right? Well, not really. Later that night, after a brief talk with Steven, she brings him down into a lower area where she reveals to Steven a weapon to surpass Metal Gear so powerful, it could win them the war. Y'know, the war the Crystal Gems are apparently STILL fighting? The war that is almost always brought up in the past tense? The war wherein none of them fight the opposing side and instead just dick around the temple all day? Y'know, THAT WAR? This weapon is called the 'Breaking Point' (Real creative name there, guys.), a gun with a coiled spike that, when released, drives forward with enough power to shatter the gem of a gem, killing them permanently. Steven, unsuprisingly, doesn't want to use it, as he thinks that shattering gems would make them the same as the enemies they fight. This causes Bismuth to get angry and attempt to kill him. After a brief scuffle, involving some heated (heh.) exchange, Steven is forced to poof Bismuth. Afterwards, he re-bubbles Bismuth and tells the Crystal Gems what happened. End of Episode. An overall good episode, and certainly the best episode of week 3, with plenty of fun, action, drama, and even a bit of lore in-between. I still to this day have no idea why the SU crew decide to have their characters voiced by such big name celebrities, feh. So I guess after this episode aired, people had a lot to say about this whole exchange between Bismuth and Steven, of which one was right or wrong, but just about everyone I saw talking about this episode neglected to talk about the most important thing regarding this whole exchange... The Breaking Point is FUCKING RETARDED! First of all, in order to utilize a weapon such as this, the target would have to be pinned against something which, given how active gems are during the fights we've seen, is kinda hard to do. And yes, you WOULD have to have them pinned against something otherwise the force would push them back a great deal. Second, you'd have to have them pinned in such a way as to have their gem exposed, which ALSO brings about the question of why gems don't hide their gems under their light bodies, but whatever, I can overlook that. Thirdly, you'd have to charge the weapon so you can actually fire the damn thing, which is time they could be using to escape. Fourth, you'd have to make sure that you're fighting mano-e-mano, 'cos using such a device on a battlefield, y'know, the kind with more than one person on it, will leave you more open to attack than a thrift store with no walls. And finally, you'd have to deal with carrying around a bulky, heavy gun around with you every time you jumped into battle. And yet everyone wanted to argue morality. -= Beta - The Episode Where Nothing of Value Happens but it Leads Into the Next One =- In this Episode, Steven and Amethyst are visiting Peridot and Lapis Lazuli at the barn to see what they've been up to and to help get Amethyst to stop obsessing over her inferiority complex and stuff. Okay, so the last time we saw Peridot, she had just discovered that she has Ferrokinesis (Metal Bending). In spite of her thoughts of not having any special skills without her Limb Enhancers, she had a special, and potentially usefull, skill. She had also become a Crystal Gem not too long ago, which entails using their strength to protect earth from their own... kind... huh. So what has Peridot been doing all this time? Why, creating shitty art projects, of course! Yes, ever since discovering this admittedly cool ability, all she's done with it is play with instruments, throw metal cans around, and arrange all sorts of objects into horrifying monstrosities that look like they came from a garbage dump. Hey, remember when Toph from TLAB learned how to bend metal? Remember how she used her amazing new talent to great effect? Remember when she used it to SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD? WELL WHO CARES?! THAT'S SO 2006! Nowadays characters just use them for nothing but making shitty arts-and-crafts with their more-boring-than-paper roommate who, by the way, ALSO make said shitty arts-and-crafts. "Y'know, there's a six-foot tall orange beast of a gem who wants my best friend dead, should I maybe use these powers to help protect him? NAW, I'll just play with trash, that's a much more worthwhile endeavor!" You know, it's shit like this that makes watching this show so fucking hard, because contrary to popular belief, I actually WANT to like this show, I actually WANT to see these characters be more than pointless comic relief, I WANT to see them change and evolve and become so much deeper than they first appear, but it seems like every time I get my hopes up, every time I think this show is going somewhere, I'm treated to filler episodes, and townies, and SHIT LIKE THIS. ... ANYWAY, Peridot and Lapis are being useless shits and Amethyst is still obsessing over her inferiroity complex and stuff, so Peridot tries to maike Amethyst feel better by taking her to the Beta Kindergarten, where Jasper was made. So yeah, Jasper was made on earth, fancy that. Anyways, they find Jasper's hole and Peridot, who is a certified kindergartener, hops up (read: is thrown up by Steven) to Jasper's hole to find some sort of flaw that'll make Amethyst feel less like shit... to no avail, because as it turns out, Jasper is LITERALLY PERFECT I T E R A L L Y P E R F E C T , which makes Amethyst sad again. But out of nowhere, she suddenly becomes VERY DETERMINED to beat the shit out of Jasper next time she sees her. So after several episodes of her just lounging around being a sad sack, whining and moping over Jasper being LITERALLY PERFECT I T E R A L L Y P E R F E C T , and doing nothing to improve her combat style short of some upgrades Bismuth made, she now, for SOME REASON, feels like she can take on and defeat JASPER. This fucking show, man. So then they notice that some of these holes are dug out and contain gem monsters. Now who could be behind this weird yeah it's Jasper. End of Episode. A very solid MEH episode here. Some cute moments, but oh my god was most of it just POINTLESS. It just boggles my mind how you would reveal that a character has special powers, then have them return in a later episode, and do NOTHING WORTHWHILE with them. What the fuck were they thinking? It's nice to see, at the very least, that we'll be seeing more Jasper in the next episode, so there's that. -= Week 3 Summary =- A mixed bag. Better than Week 2, but given that Week 2 was utter shit that's not much of a compliment. Though it's always nice to see more of Jasper, and the Bismuth special WAS well done, the rest of these episodes was painful, with characterization that makes no sense and wastes any potential that they could've had. Sorry for the long hiatus between this one and the last, by the way, It's really hard for me to find the will to keep this up with the show doing everything in it's power to fucking annoy me.

[abkstories-blog]

Versatile Blogger Award- an In Reviewniverse/Featured Writer Mixup

I guess I've received a social recognition nomination award thingy

There’s a social recognition award going around the blogging community called the Versatile Blogger Award. It passes around to the lucky few who can receive it only through nominations by other bloggers.

The catch is that there is no ceremony, there is no physical award, but there is the one thing that actually matters: kind gestures.

To win the award you have to be nominated by another…

[abkstories-blog]

Terry Pratchett's Pyramids- In Reviewniverse

Today we learn about what makes a good munchie, and how when I say munchie I don't mean how you feel when you get high. #terrypratchett #inreviewniverse #abkstories

In the literary world there are these things called munchies. I use the term things because this ‘genre’ of storytelling is not limited to novels and nonfiction, but present in just about every type of writing. A munchie, by my definition, is any written piece that you can pick up and finish in one sitting, put down, and then get on with your life.

There are two types of munchies: the good…

[abkstories-blog]

Neil Gaiman's The Ocean at the End of the Lane- In Reviewniverse

"The truth is, there aren't any grown ups." #abkstories #neilgaiman #inreviewniverse

Every once in a while a book comes along and lets its readers reflect on their lives from the point of view they’ve long since abandoned: their inner child. Neil Gaiman has a special gift in being such a writer. I was first introduced to Gaiman through Good Omens, a collaboration with Terry Pratchett (a long time favorite author of mine) which has recently been adapted for film with David Tennant.…

[abkstories-blog]

Naomi Kritzer's Waiting Out the End of the World in Patty's Place Cafe- In Reviewniverse

Today in the Reviewniverse we discuss the Hugo award winner Naomi Kritzer’s wonderful short story about the end of the world.

If you’ve taken a look at my reading list you’ll see that I have been spending a large amount of time looking through Science Fiction Short stories from 2017. I read every morning in the WordPress reader but on special occasions I get the urge to do some work and sit down with a short story and rage through it in a wildfire of imagination.

That is- I haven’t been keeping up with my normal…

[abkstories-blog]

In Reviewniverse- Ready Player One

In Reviewniverse- Ready Player One REVIEWS ARE BACK PEOPLE This is an ABKstories review of the popular novel Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. #bookreview #readyplayerone #ernestcline #abkstories

Yeah, you’ve said it before- “Alexander, this book is old news Spielberg made a movie about it. Put it back on the shelf and read something else.”

Well you’re right, I’m about a couple years late on reading this one, and even later on reviewing it. And no, I don’t think I’ll be watching the movie- I saw a trailer and thought wow, that looks like a 1980’s circle jerk. And yes- yes that’s…

[abkstories-blog]

The Tao Series- In Reviewniverse

This week In Reviewniverse I discuss the Tao Series- one of my favorite book sets and well, just an all around good read. #bookreview #books #abkstories #weselychu #livesoftao

What, this isn’t a featured writer? What’s going on? Well- I am doing something new again! It’s all part of my 12019 plans to ruin your- I mean enhance your ABKstories experience! Since Featured Writerposts have required more careful planning than they used to, they have become a biweekly occurrence. And now you have entered the Reviewniverse! Every other Thursday you will be treated with a book…

[abkstories-blog]

Human Nature and Steven Pinker- In Reviewniverse

Human Nature and Steven Pinker- In Reviewniverse

Earlier today I finished listening to my copy of Steven Pinker’s the Blank Slate. Now, in earlier posts about Steven Pinker’s work I mentioned that he had changed my mind considerably about how I viewed the world and about human nature.

This book definitely delivered in that prospect, but about a wholly different concept: what is it that determines who we are?

For those of you who may…

[abkstories-blog]

Steven Pinker's Enlightenment Now: the Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress- In Reviewniverse

Steven Pinker’s Enlightenment Now: the Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress- In Reviewniverse

It is one thing for an author to change my worldview entirely with one book, but Pinker somehow managed to do it again with Enlightenment Now.

If you remember (from the link above) Steven Pinker is the cognitive psychologist/ linguist/ popular science author who’s work I’ve been binge readingover the past couple months. His most recent work, Enlightenment Now, discusses the increased quality…

[abkstories-blog]

An Uplifting Reality, Steven Pinker and a Revelation on violence- ABKpsych/ In Reviewniverse

An Uplifting Reality, Steven Pinker and a Revelation on violence- ABKpsych/ In Reviewniverse

How do you feel about the world today? When you look around at your life, the media, and historic or current events- what conclusions do you come to about global trends? Does the world seem like it’s getting worse?

In a world of White Nationalism, Atomic Bombs, global warming, patriarchy, mass shootings, Election meddling, and increasingly autocratic government policies it can seem hard to…