#the rest of the siblings are bad with both theirs and others'

[farshootergotme]

I'll be putting the legally adopted + Damian and Alfred only because the list will be too long otherwise.

[sserajeans]

mine

kim minji x fem! reader

synopsis: you both knew love came with downhills, but neither of you thought it'd get that bad. you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, and she's the best thing you could ever call 'mine'.

genre + others: non-idol reader x idol minji, goes over the ups and downs of their relationship, semi angst but fluff end TRUST ME

notes: (TW: implied suicide of minor character) , y/n has been through so much pls give her a break, idk if either of them were toxic, but they work around it bc love >>>, not requested, i was just listening to the album and got an idea that made my soul go WHOOSH hehe, THIS IS A VERY LONG ONE

WORD COUNT: 6.9k

you were in college, working part-time, waiting tables. left a small town, never looked back. i was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin', wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts.

you and minji were your friend group's favorite couple. almost anyone would agree, actually.

you met in high school when you transferred from a smaller, almost unknown town under a merit scholarship sponsored by the school. you were your family's pride and joy, the eldest daughter and older sister to two siblings. your parents weren't born with the same comfort they provided you and your siblings, or any comfort at all. it took a lot of work for them to get to where they were, and even then they still work day and night to give a life better than theirs for their children.

being born first, you witnessed everything. the blood, sweat, and tears your parents poured into everything; their failed start-up business, their multiple part-time jobs, and the low-paying wages they'd get in return. but above all this, you also saw how your parents did it all for love. love for you, love for their kids, love for the family they made. and so you swore, as an adorable 8-year-old, that you'd work your hardest and earn enough money to get your parents to rest comfortably once they were of age. you were raised in a struggling house, but a loving home. you knew love. you weren't a stranger to it. you loved love and the power it held.

minji, on the other hand, didn't. when you met her in your first year of high school, her parents had just signed divorce papers after her dad caught her mother cheating. she was only 16 at the time, and her parents were her role models of love. to her, they represented what love would, could, and should be. she believed in love, until she grew to hate it. she hated the way it hurt her father, she hated the way it hurt her, but most of all she hated the way it pulled her mother away from her. minji knew love. she wasn't a stranger to it. but she hated love and the power it held.

because of the stark difference you two had with your outlooks on love, it was a shock to everyone when the kim minji agreed to not just being your prom date, but to you courting her during your junior year of high school as well. 

“kim minji is this really you?” her best friend at the time, seol yoona, waved her hand in front of the raven-haired girl’s face. she was trying to finish an essay in english, one of their final requirements for the semester. “what’s different about park y/n?”

minji sighed and closed her notebook, finally facing the rest of her friends who sat crowded around her.

“look. she was nice to me at prom and she’s…” her friends’ eyes widened in anticipation. “cute, i guess.”

“oh come on minji that can’t be just it…”

“yeah you rejected like a quarter of the student population! i’m sure there were a few nice and cute ones!”

“they all…” minji started as she stood up from her desk and began packing her things in her backpack. “i’m just more comfortable with her, okay? we’ve been friends a while, and she’s patient about everything right now because she knows about…”

the rest of the table nodded their heads in understanding. there was no need for her to expound on that. 

meanwhile, in the complete opposite side of the school campus, was where you and your two closest friends ate lunch. under the shade of the courtyard’s largest tree.

"you're fucking playing with me..."

"i'm not! she said yes! she really did!" you exclaimed, mouth full of the school's spam and kimchi kimbap. 

"you better not mess this up y/n... you're like the first person i know of that she's ever said yes to." your other friend commented, playfully shoving your upper arm.

"do you guys not have like... the teeny-tiniest bit of faith in me?" 

they looked at you for a solid minute before nodding and shrugging. jokes aside, you were a selfless and caring person, and every one that has ever gotten to know you was sure of that.

and fair enough, by your first year of college which was also minji's first year as newjeans' leader, after almost 2 years of courting her, you asked her to have things official, and she said yes.

do you remember, we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter. you are the best thing, that’s ever been mine.

it had been just over a year since you two started officially dating, and nothing much changed since you put a label on it. you were now in your second year of university, simultaneously maintaining a part-time job at a local restaurant. 

it didn’t take an idiot to know that dating an idol was hard. and it also didn’t help that your schedule wasn’t the most flexible either. there were even some days where minji had more time in the week to spend than you did. the both of you hated that, and it frustrated you two to the point where there were times you’d take it out on each other.so when you and minji had your first big argument, it was a shock to none of the peers who knew of your relationship.

you sighed deeply as you unlocked the door to your apartment. it was the middle of midterms week, and you had just finished an evening shift. you didn’t even want to think about studying for your calculus exam tomorrow, but you knew you had to if you wanted to keep your gpa up to the scholarship’s requirements.

“park y/n.” minji’s voice interrupted your brain’s train of thought. you were so busy trying to figure out the most efficient way to spend the rest of the time between the present and your exam. 

usually, minji’s voice calling your name would be warm and sweet. you talked about it to your friends one time, describing it as melted chocolate, and she gagged at how cheesy you were being. but god forbid you speak the truth.

but now, her voice was neither warm nor sweet. it was cold. it was cold and sharp. if you had the time to process it you’d probably describe it as ice shards, rather than melted chocolate.

you hesitated to face her, because you knew exactly why she was here in your apartment at 11pm in the evening instead of her dorms, fast asleep. you couldn't count how many times you cancelled a date last minute within the last month, and minji was tired of you not explaining properly.

you heard her stand up from the living room couch and walk towards you in the dining table. 

“what is it, minji?” you spoke, leaning your forehead against your palm as you brought out school textbooks and worksheets.

“what do you mean ‘what is it, minji’? you know why i’m here, y/n.” 

she wasn’t lying. again, you knew why she was here with you, which is why you dreaded the conversation that was about to come.

“this is the 4th date you’ve cancelled this month without telling me why. if you wanted to break up i’d much rather you tell me directly…” the last sentence felt like a stab to your chest. the cold and sharp dagger that was her words, taking one large hit.

“what the fuck? no, okay! no i don’t!”

“then for the love of god would you at least tell me why you’re being so fucking distant?!” 

you kept silent. eyes avoiding hers as you internally debated on whether you wanted to burden her with your struggles or not.

“see? you can’t even say it.”

“fucking hell. my sister is sick, minji.” 

you let out a shaky exhale as you spoke, finally gathering the courage to face her.

“she has pneumonia. she’s sick. she’s in the hospital. and i-“ you cut yourself off as tears made its way down your face. the cold exterior on minji’s face dropped almost immediately at the sound of your voice breaking. your breathing remained shaky as you tried your best to verbalize everything that has been piling up over the past few weeks.

“medical insurance isn’t enough to cover it. my parents are working endlessly, but they’re getting older and i don’t want them to overwork themselves or they could get sick too, so i asked if i could pick up more shifts at the restaurant because that’s really all i can do right now. it just breaks my heart whenever i visit her because she’s always telling me that she’s sorry for causing trouble when none of it was her fault. and fuck, as if it doesn’t get any worse it’s midterms week, and if i fail just one exam it’s enough to bring my gpa down for the school to drop me.”

you gasped for air.

the girl sat beside you and rubbed your back, reaching over for your water bottle and offering it to you. you muttered a thanks as you gulped down half of the water inside and gave yourself a few seconds to speak again.

“and i know what you’re thinking. ‘why didn’t you tell me? i could’ve helped.’ but minji please. you’re an idol. you’re a celebrity. fuck, you’re the leader of one of the biggest group’s right now. you have enough on your plate. i don’t want to add to that.”

minji nodded to show you she was listening despite not saying anything since you started letting it out.

"let's take a walk." 

you were shocked by the suggestion, and minji could tell. she would be too.

“but won’t people recogn-“

"more air to breathe, more space to think. come on." she got your coat for your and brought your most comfortable pair of shoes over.

you weren't agreeing, but you also weren't objecting the idea. from what could've been a fight to this, you were just glad you had the warm minji with you right now.

she dragged you along by the hand, just a few steps ahead of you. it didn't take too long until you two found yourselves sitting on the park bench facing a small river. it wasn't too far away, just a couple meters from your apartment building.

“can i ask you something, y/n?” there it was. the warmth, the sweetness in her voice. 

she turned to face you. “do i bother you when i tell you about my problems? when i talk to you about how i worry for haerin not opening up, or when i tell you about how hanni might’ve bothered me on a certain day. does that burden you?”

you looked up at her shaking your head, your eyes still red and puffy. 

“w-what? no. never. i like that you let me know. i like knowing you have some type of output for it."

"well if it doesn't burden you then what makes you think you'd burden me?"

you slowly looked away, eyes busy gazing the clear water and the rocks that laid under.

she moved to wrap her right arm over your shoulders, and slowly reached for your left hand to hold if you'd let her. after all, she didn't expect to be comforting you when she planned on seeing you.

"i may be an idol. i may be a celebrity. i may be newjeans' minji a lot of the time. but i'm also your girlfriend, park y/n. the one you met in high school whose life you changed forever the day you asked me to prom." you leaned against her when she pulled you closer as she spoke.

"i stopped believing in love when my parents split. remember when i told you that? but you were there every step of the way. you understood, and you were fine with waiting." minji took a pause to make sure you were still with her, listening. 

your eyes were heavy, but your brain couldn’t be more alive. 

“y/n, i don't want to be the person that makes their partner feel like they can't talk to them. let me be there for you too, okay? i may not be able to do a lot to fix it, but i'll be there because you shouldn't be facing things alone. not when you have me."

you nodded, letting out the last of your tears on her shoulder while she ran her fingers through your hair. 

“so next time, please, please tell me what bothers you.”

you never gave a clear response, just your sobs slowing down as she held you. minji would later on regret not noticing this.

a few minutes later, after you calmed down, you pulled away to finally fix your eyes on hers.

"thank you. and i still owe you an apology. for how i was the past couple of weeks.”

“you really don’t have to y/n.”

“well, you say that now after i told you. but what i did was still such… an ass move, and i should’ve told you what was going on because you deserved to know with the way it affected you too.”

minji gave you a smile. a small smile that held the largest emotions a human could ever feel. she leaned against your side, head on your left shoulder with her arm around your waist.

“it’s okay…”

“i love you.”

three words. eight letters. the first time it was ever said between the two of you. 

on the inside, you were a little shocked. if your relationship was a sports game, no one would bet on minji saying it first. but she did. and that just made those special words mean a little more than they already did.

you wrapped your left arm around her shoulders and rested your head on hers, giving the top of her head a kiss before saying it back.

“i love you too.”

flash forward and we’re taking on the world together. and there’s a drawer of my things at your place.

a couple months later, you felt on top of the world, and so did minji. you found a higher paying stay-at-home job, your sister got better miraculously quick, and your grades were stellar. for minji, newjeans had just released another hit mini album, and it was played everywhere you went. in the store, at the mall, on tiktok, on the radio. everywhere.

eventually, you two found a free spot on both of your schedules, and used it to have sleepovers at your apartment or her dorm. she’d always prefer staying at yours though. one of the few times you stayed at hers, the second you left, hanni and hyein were teasing her endlessly about… well, usual couple stuff.

this night was one of those sleepover nights. the two of you just finished dinner and were cuddling on the sofa, trying to decide on a movie to watch.

“mean girls?”

“didn’t we watch that last week?” minji reasoned out, looking at you with a questioning face.

“uhm… horror?”

“i don’t mind.”

you hummed and browsed through the horror collection your streaming site had. it took you a while to find a movie, you and minji each always had a minor problem with whatever came up.

“oh hey this one looks fun. zom-“

“did i ever tell you the full story of my parents?”

“ha?”

you looked at her with a rather surprised expression on your face. sure, she’s told you all about being a child of divorced parents and how it affected her. but you never bothered to ask more about it in fear of her discomfort.

“well… no. i wanted you to bring things up at your own pace.”

it felt like a silent agreement that maybe you two were going to drop the movie for a little “deep talk” moment.

“my dad went m.i.a., well, sort of did, on my mom.” she began, you sat cross-legged beside her, reaching for her hand to play with while she muttered a quick ‘thanks’. it was your little show of comfort. 

her parents was a subject that you two didn’t bring up very often. she’d mention them once in a while, like when you were preparing a dish that reminded her of her mom’s cooking, or when you came over to help fix hyein’s bike like her dad used to do for her. but it was never in the subject of the divorce. you two always had more to talk about when you were together anyways.

“he lost a lot of the money in their savings, and he’d never talk to my mom about it thinking he could cover it up soon enough. mom was convinced he was cheating and was sending money to another girl. even after my dad explained everything she just… went and did what she did. until he caught her and… well, you know the rest.”

minji was surprisingly calm throughout the whole storytelling. you figured it must’ve been from keeping it in for so long, finally letting the old wounds heal.

“wow…”

“yeah, ‘wow’.”

“i’m sorry, i just…” you paused and grabbed her other hand, holding them both closely within your palms. “do you think if your dad was honest from the beginning things would’ve been different?”

“i-… well…”

“nevermind, sorry that was int-“ you dropped her hands and ran yours through your hair, the other covering your mouth in disbelief.

“no no, it’s okay.” she reached for your hands and they were intertwined once again. “i think things would’ve turned out the same. it probably would’ve just… took a longer time.”

“i guess… since your mom practically ignored your dad after he explained…”

“yup. i believe things happen for a reason.”

“really? i’m 50/50 on that.” you looked up at her with a questioning look.

“well, for one, it led me to you.” she gazed in your eyes, her hands soft and gently cradling yours side to side. you looked at her with amazement. since when was she making the moves with all the cheesy lines?

“okay… so i’m not 50/50… maybe 70/30.” “dork.” “your dork?” “…” “sayyy it…” “…” “you know you wanna…”

“my dork.”

“hehehe…” 

with a victorious grin on your face, you pinched her right cheek, something she both hated and loved. rolling her eyes, she positioned herself to lay her head on your crossed legs while your hands automatically fixed her hair to keep her face clear.

“god you’re so-“

“lovable? i know… it’s crazy.”  

“well…”

“oh, we were serious?”

“yes, seriously, y/n. there are times i think about that night by the river.”

“that night by the river…”

“when i told you i believed in love again, after my parents. because of you.” she opened her eyes and looked up at you like you were a constellation in the night sky. eyes wide and full of wonder.

“i know what you’re talking about, i didn’t forget, don’t worry.” you smiled, tucking a strand of hair that went astray behind her ear.

“when things get hard i think of that night, and how… i don’t know. you know that feeling when something means so much, and it’s so good, feels so right, almost too perfect, you’re just scared it’ll slip away?”

“mmhm. of course. that’s how i felt about this book i was reading. things were going so well at the beginning, like it wa-… continue though.”

“sometimes i’m scared we’ll slip away.”

“what?!”

“i mean like! it’s just a tiny… irrational fear in the back of my head.”

“ell… good thing that won’t happen!”

“how are you always so sure about things?”

i tell my secrets and you figure out why i’m guarded. you say,

“i get why you’re worried, okay? but we’ll never make your parents’ mistakes.”

she sat up straight to give you a proper hug, or, well, she more or less just threw herself on you. not that you were complaining, you loved her bear hugs.

“you and i… we talk things out. we work well that way, right?”

“yeah.”

“i love you. and thank you for letting me love you.”

“i love you too. so so much.”

and we got bills to pay. we got nothing figured out, when it was hard to take, this is what i thought about. 

throughout your relationship, you two came across a couple, or well, several bumps along the road. but it was always something you two had dealt with before. even if it wasn’t, you were beginning to feel comfortable sharing the weight you carried on your shoulders with minji; talking about the usual late night shifts, a terror professor, etc.

communication was one of the last things your relationship with minji lacked.

until one fateful evening, you received a phone call from your brother. one you wished you never had to hear. one no one ever deserved to hear. 

before he spoke, something about it already felt wrong. the combination of muffled sirens, crying from who you surely knew was from your sister, and conversation between who you assumed were adults, was straight eery. a shiver ran down your spine, realizing the nature of the news.

and you were right. 

you could feel your hand shake as he spoke with a stutter,

“noona… it’s about… about d-dad… h-he… he… did it to hims-himself… he-he w-went out… and to-told us not to follow. a-and, and then we- we heard… we heard a r-really… r-really loud noise… n-noona… wh-when… when are you coming b-back?”

what?

who?

how?

your father. he shot himself in your neighborhood’s park.

and you’ve yet to understand why. why he’d choose to abandon his family. why he suddenly switched from the hardworking man who’d endure hell for his family, to a man who chose to escape his troubles.

after consoling your brother and the rest of your family on the phone, you packed your bags and took a taxi the next day. heading straight back to your hometown, a much smaller and rural area compared to the skyscraping city of seoul. 

you ran straight to your parents’ room as soon as you arrived, your bags dropped and forgotten by the conjoined living room and kitchen. there was no time to reminisce the warmth, comfort, and love that came with the childhood home you haven’t seen in years. 

as soon as you stepped foot in your parents’ room, your younger sister, who was much taller than the last time you saw her, ran straight into your arms, almost knocking you over. it didn’t take long for your younger brother to follow, his added weight finally pushing you to fall butt first to the fortunately, carpeted floor.

you rubbed their backs as soothingly as you possibly could while they started dampening your shirt with tears. in a way, having them in your embrace comforted you the same way you comforted them. you shed your own fair share of tears, hugging them even tighter when they’d take deep breaths and wail.

you also needed to process whatever the hell just happened.

a few minutes later, once your siblings had calmed down, you slowly stood up from the floor and approached your mother who was sorting out papers on what used to be your parents’ shared bed. the mattress dipped as you sat beside her. you wrapped your arms around her frame, giving her a warm hug. 

her pain was silent, and you wished it wasn’t so you’d at least know she had an output, but at the same time, you both knew she held it together for your siblings’ sake. she gave your forehead a kiss and ruffled your hair, muttering a soft “you’ve been eating well.” 

she was just happy to see her baby home.

the next couple of days were dull and grey. it was the only word you could use to describe it. your mother would head out to deal with government papers, your siblings stayed at home with modular work as permitted by the school after what had happened, and you picked up a small full-time job at a bakery as a cashier.

in a private conversation with your mother, late at night when your siblings were fast asleep, she explained to you the law of debt and inheritance in simple terms. it was difficult, but most definitely much needed for you to at least grasp understanding on why your father did what he did. 

“i know what your first thoughts were going to be. and he wasn’t being a selfish person, y/n. he never was and he never will be. in this province specifically, debt isn’t passed down to your heirs. your father… he… he borrowed a lot of money, y/n. and we thought we could pay it back over the agreed 3 years. it was taking longer than expected, and they began looking for your dad with threats that… i’d rather not share with you.”

“wait what? what about the money i’ve been sending? did it help? did you use it?”

“of course we did, y/n. we don’t want your hard work going to waste. we used it for yoonseo and junseo’s tuition. there was an increase that wasn’t in our… scope.”

“fucking school…”

“hey… listen. do you understand things a little better now?”

“…yes.”

“repeat to me what you understand.”

“dad… didn’t want them coming after me… us.”

“yes.”

“i… i don’t understand how you’re so… calm about it right now, ma. did you know? did he tell you he would?”

“he didn’t. we fought about it, actually. i couldn’t believe all that… nonsense he was saying.”

“oh… i’m sorry. i’m sorry i thought he-“

“it’s okay, y/n. and i know you. i know you, yoonseo, and junseo. it’s okay to not be okay right now. i want you to feel that. let it out. cry, scream, take a walk, do anything. let the pain pass through. i’ll be here to make sure you’ll be alright.”

“but we want to be here for you too ma…”

“you will be there for me when you feel better. but right now, you’re my children, and i’m your mom. i want to make sure you’re okay first.”

and for the rest of the night, you silently wept against your mother’s shoulder as she held you tight against her chest, the same way she did the day you were born. you were always your mother's child at the end of the day.

since the day you left til that night, your focus was on yourself and your family. comforting your siblings when your mom couldn’t, helping around the house, and searching for more jobs dirt-paying jobs you could take, for you didn’t care as long as it’d help fill the gap your father left.

your focus was solely on the grief held over yourself and your family, that somehow, you had completely forgotten about your life in the city.

the life with kim minji in it.

on her side of the world, minji was struggling. newjeans was still a popular and well-received group with global success, but their growth was exceeding expectations, and that meant that the hate wave had only gotten stronger.

as their leader, minji was the supporting pillar, the foundation of sanity for the rest of the girls. when one of them had the need to cry or rant, they’d go to her, and she’d hold that responsibility willingly out of love and care for them.

but newjeans’ leader minji, is human. 

newjeans’ leader minji, is kim minji. 

a 20-year-old girl facing the world’s backlash and carrying the weight of her members’ hurt alongside her own on her back.

she wasn’t meant to deal with all of that alone.

where was kim minji’s supporting pillar? where was her foundation of sanity? 

where were you?

where were you when she needed you the most?

and i remember that fight, 2:30 am, ‘cause everything was slipping right out of our hands. i ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street. 

things have calmed down a bit. you and your family decided it was best for you to go back to the city as it was where you’d earn the most for your work. you hated saying goodbye to them, especially at a time where it was best where you were all together. but you and your family didn’t have the luxury of choice. you and your family couldn’t afford to lose the opportunity.

on the 2-hour long taxi ride home, you finally decided to charge your phone. you hadn’t realized how you completely deserted it the moment you arrived at your childhood home. leaving it on the car seat, you decided to take a nap to get rid of the headache that was building up. whether it was from the anxiety of being away from your family after what happened, or the pressure of having your family’s financial support come mostly from you, you needed an escape, even if it was just for 2 hours.

you weren’t sure how or what you felt. you knew most would be sad. grief-struck and lost. and you did feel that in a way, when your family held a small ceremony at the memorial center because it was all you could afford. it was just you, your mom, your siblings, and a few neighbors who knew your parents.

that was the hardest you ever let yourself mourn, the loudest you ever let yourself cry, and after that, you felt empty. your chest and your stomach ached, but there was nothing else to feel. your head, on the other hand, felt heavy. like it was rammed against a cement wall and forced to carry the weight of hardbound books. 

the moment you picked yourself up from your wallowing in sorrow, the weight of responsibility crashed into you all at once. like being thrown anvils to carry on your back, every step you took wherever you went. your father wasn’t just one of your family’s sources of income, he also stood as a figure of support for your siblings and your mom while you were away. you were angry at him for leaving you, but you beat yourself around into understanding that it wasn’t an escape.

it was about 2am by the time you arrived at the small apartment complex. an inconvenient decision that may have seemed senseless, but before you insisted in spending as much time as you could with your family before you were required to report to work the next day.

and so here you were, backpack in hand, unlocking the door to your apartment late at night.

seeing the living room and kitchen lights on alarmed you. you were sure you turned everything off before you left. your electricity bills were going to be horrendous that month.

you settle your bag down on the floor and bent over to untie your shoes.

“oh… you decided to come back?”

that voice.

kim minji.

hearing her voice again felt fresh. but it felt fresh for only one reason.

you ignored her the whole time you were away. you didn’t tell anyone anything, not even you friends in the city.

minji’s tone was firm. it wasn’t sharp and cold like the time she came over to confront you about missing your dates.

it was firm, but it was also vulnerable. the night she confronted you her voice lacked all the emotion in the world. tonight, it was full of it. you couldn’t tell if she was worried, angry, disappointed, sad, maybe everything and in between.

“where were you?”

there it was. the burning question of the night. 

unlike last time, minji didn’t bother approaching you. she stayed seated on the living room couch, her head turned to face you at the front door.

“minji, listen. i-“ you walked towards her, approaching the living room couch with caution from what you could pick up in her voice.

“y/n i was in pain… did you know that? the past few weeks have been horrible… and before i can even begin to talk about why, i have to worry about whether you were even alive or not!”

“i’m sorry! okay, i’m sorry!”

you were defensive, and it came out like you were throwing around apologies for a band-aid solution, when that really wasn’t the case. you just didn’t have it in your heart to tell her what happened.

“we had to cancel 2 fansigns because of threats we were getting, did you even know that, y/n?”

no, you didn’t. you weren’t aware of how far your girlfriend’s career had gone for the group to be receiving that kind of treatment. even before your dad passed.

“…no.”

“and that’s just… the tip of the fucking iceberg… so i ran here thinking i’d find you. because, y/n, i know for a fact you’re my safe place. but you weren’t even fucking there…”

“i’m sorry…” you muttered, your hands clasped together as you stood in front of her.

“you weren’t answering calls, you weren’t responding to texts. from me or any of the girls! i asked my manager to get in contact with your coworkers! fuck, i even asked some of our high school friends… but none of them knew where you were! do you know how sick my stomach felt?” she looked up at you with tears in her eyes. one of the few times you’ve ever seen her cry, and somehow, it always had something to do with you.

it made you feel sick.

“i’m so sorry…”

“and before you fucking arrived, for a moment i really thought you were going to just leave everything like my dad.”

after all the pain she’s shared with you?

“minji i-“

“but a part of me knew, or wanted to know you’d never do that. like you said, ‘we’d never make my parents’ mistakes’. but in that moment it felt like you did. like we did.”

“i’m sorry… i wasn’t thinking…”

“i think we need a fucking break y/n.”

she stood up.

what?

“w-what? minji what do you mean w-why a-“

“this isn’t the first time you just disappeared on me, don’t you get it? the first time it happened i had to confront you because otherwise you’d just let it slide and it’d probably happen again within the next few months.”

she walked to the dining room, away from the living room. it was closer to the apartment entrance.

“that’s not true.”

“when i told you about my parents, it was because i thought i had finally found something different with you.”

“and we did! we are! we’re not like them…”

she stood by the door, hand on the knob.

“you keep disappearing on me, y/n. i don’t know what to believe anymore.”

and just like that, she dropped the spare keys to your apartment on your kitchen counter, and left your apartment unit. 

you knew better than to let her go. you knew better to let the love of your life go. you knew better than to let her, a celebrity, run out in the middle of the night, with no security, and god knows who or what out in the streets of the area you stayed in.

braced myself for the goodbye, ‘cause that’s all i’ve ever known. 

for minji, she had no idea what she was doing, but she knew couldn’t take another second in your damned apartment. the apartment she stayed in the weeks she was waiting for you to come back. it reminded her of the times she felt like her mom, desperately waiting for her dad to come back to her. it reminded her of how she felt like her dad during the first month of the divorce, and how he kept his hopes high telling her and her brother that things would get better because their mom would always come back, when she didn’t. she hated that apartment because it reminded her of why she hated love. why she stopped believing in love.

she hated that apartment because it was yours, and you showed her how to believe in love again, and you made her believe you two would be different. 

if that was so, then why did you leave her feeling like things were going to end the same way her parents did?

she couldn’t take it anymore. how could she fully commit to someone who’d leave her out of the loop. someone who can’t at least try to share part of their world with her. someone who, after seeing all the sides and versions of her, could still get up and leave without a word.

you cursed under your breath for minji being so long-legged. it didn’t take long for her to get to your apartment building’s lobby, but timing was by your side. for once, it felt like maybe the world wasn’t against you.

the scene was cinematic. you grabbed her wrist from behind her, and pulled her by the arm, back towards you. back to you where you knew she belonged.

“i’m sorry, and i promise i’ll tell you everything. and i know i left with no warning, no sign. i know that it was best to tell you. but i promise i wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t something as serious as that.”

you gently reached over to hold her other hand in yours. hopefully it was enough to not have her run away again.

“i don’t know how many sorry’s i have left in me, but whatever that amount is, i know, won’t be enough. but please, minji, i’m begging you now, please don’t leave. i know it’s been hard, it’s been difficult for me too. fuck, it’s been hell the past few weeks and not a single second of it has felt real, but i need you. i need you to stay.”

you took a deep inhale. you hadn’t realized you weren’t breathing throughout your mini speech. 

“because right now it feels like i’ve lost everything, and i can’t take it if i lost you. and i know… i know, i sound like a guilt-tripping asshole right now but that’s really... you mean a lot. you mean so much… you mean so fucking much to me, minji, and i know that’s not what you felt when i disappeared, but it’s the truth, and i-“

your legs gave in. you were exhausted, but you weren’t going to stop until you knew she’d stay.

you knelt on the floor, in front of her, holding her hands above your head.

god, you looked so ridiculously desperate. but you didn’t care. not an inch of your body felt a bit of shame. you knew minji was worth everything you had.

“i love you. i love you. i love you so much. and i don’t know how else to say this without sounding like a fucking asshole, but i know you love me too, and i just need you to hear me out, before you decide to leave. and if you still want to go after, then i-. i wouldn’t blame you, and i’d let you, but please… please.” you whispered out the last of your words, your sobs echoing through the empty, dim-lit lobby.

she’d never seen you like this before. 

not once in the several years of being your friend or your girlfriend.

and you were right, she loved you so much. just as much as you did her.

and that was enough for her to listen.

“get up.” she spoke so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t listening for any response.

you scrambled, shuffled onto your feet, and finally came face-to-face with the girl you loved.

it took everything in you to not hold her, kiss her, and comfort her, when you knew you were the cause of her pain and suffering.

but if god made angels roam earth, you were convinced minji was one of them.

she almost catapulted towards you, causing you to stumble backwards until your back met a wall. your arms automatically wrapped around her waist, like it was second nature, or maybe because it was.

you heard her sobs, and you ran your fingers through her hair like she’d do for you. rub her back comfortingly like when you held your siblings in your arms, her tears dampening your clothes the same way theirs did.

you let her be, and waited patiently until she decided to speak. her face rested against your shoulder so her voice was slightly muffled, 

“i thought you’d leave.”

you felt your chest tighten in guilt.

“i thought i did something wrong, or that you were tired of me. tired of dating someone with a job like mine, packed up, and left.”

then, you took me by surprise. you said,

“i’m sorry i made you feel that way.”

you kissed the top of her head and rested your cheek against it.

“never again. i promise, and i say it out loud this time.  i’ll never leave you alone.”

[ghostwritermia]

Pairing ~ Remus Lupin x blacksister!reader (slytherin reader)

Word Count ~ 988

Summary ~ With a haunted mind you look for solace in books, when you really needed it from your boyfriend, and he happily gave it to you

Warnings ~ Beginner level writing, angst, mentions of evil Walburga and Orion (they can literally just leave), Remus being a sweetheart, unedited

Note From Mia ~ Second time writing on here....I hope you like it, but I understand if not lmao

You had always been more on the reserved side. Where Sirius had chosen to leave the tortures from 12 Grimmauld Place behind him when the Black Siblings returned to school, you and Regulus had been the opposite.

You couldn’t forget. It wasn’t possible. The horrors you always faced at home haunted you every night, leading into early in the mornings, leaving you restless the rest of the day. The only peace you got was when you could sneak off into the library to bury your nose in whatever book you had your hands on. Whether that was a reread or a completely new genre, it didn’t matter. It was an escape.

So, that is exactly what you were doing now. You had been curled up in an armchair in a secluded corner of the library, reading, for almost an hour now. No distractions. Mind blank. Peace finally washing over you.

Letting out a soft sigh, you flipped the page, getting ready to read another chapter when a shadow loomed over you.

“Hello, Dove,” Remus whispered from above you. “Having a bad day?”

You and Remus had met in the Library on a rainy afternoon, and just sat together in silence while reading. Over time you had started small talk, and that led to conversations, which then led into a friendship, turned secret relationship.

It’s not that you wanted it to stay a secret, however, Remus and you were both scared of backlash from Sirius, and you were terrified of your parents; therefore, they could never find out.

Remus notices that you’re too far, too deep into your book to notice him. To pull you back into the present, he carefully rests a hand on your thigh and rubs gently, coaxing you back into the real world.

You flinch slightly at the contact before looking up to see your boyfriend. “Oh, Rem, hi. How long have you been there?” You ask, shutting your book to give him your undivided attention.

Remus ignores you, smiling gently, not sympathetically though, because he knows by now that you won’t accept it. “What do you need from me, Dovy? To talk?” He’s more than aware that you are not actually going to open up right now, he can see it in your eyes from a mile away.

“Can you just hold me?” You whisper, your words laced with vulnerability. 

Remus’s eyes soften before he shuffles you around, sliding onto the chair behind you, and situating you onto his lap. He doesn’t say anything. He just holds you, gently stroking your hair, occasionally leaving a kiss to the crown of your head. 

When he thinks you're almost asleep, you speak again, “Nothing ever lasts forever, Rem.”

“I know, love. What are you referring to?” He asks, dread filtering into his mind. The lycanthrope has a love-hate relationship with your deep thoughts. Some bring on deep meaningful conversations, whereas others are filled with unnecessary insecurity and doubts.

“Us,” You mutter the exact words that he was dreading.

“No.” Remus says sternly, a tone you rarely hear him use. “I will always love you,” He turns you so you’re sitting sideways in his lap, him making direct eye contact with you, making sure that you hold it. “We’re not doing this, you need to get rid of whatever negative ghosts that are haunting your mind, because we are not breaking up. If I need to help chase those ghosts away, then so be it, but you cannot let them dictate our relationship. Ours, not theirs.”

You nod, burying your head into his neck, breathing in the calming scent of cocoa and old books, mixed with a hint of pine. 

“I want to hear you say it,” He whispers, nudging you with his shoulder.

You lift your head from the crook of his neck and smile weakly. “Ours, not the ghosts.”

“Exactly right, Dove.”

Remus leans in and gently presses his lips to yours, and you reciprocate before he leans back, pulling you into his chest. “I love you,” He whispers, again, knowing you needed reassurance. “And I always will.” 

You nod, “I love you, forever and always.” It comes out in a whisper, but Remus hears it anyway and presses his forehead against yours, but not before pressing a kiss to your nose.

He slowly reaches up and presses the pads of his thumbs where he knows your dimples are and where he knows they should be right now. “Can you smile for me, Love?”

And you do. Because you love him, more than you thought you were ever capable of. You smile crookedly, showing Remus that it is indeed a true smile, and he leaves a kiss on both dimples before pulling away and smiling back at you.

You bring your own thumbs to his face, rubbing gently over the hundreds of freckles scattered along his face.

He kisses you gently once more before grabbing your book, “Now, what were we reading before I interrupted?” He questions teasingly. 

“Well, I was reading that,” You admit sheepishly, pulling out a quill and ink container from your bag.

“The Wonderful Wizard of Oz?” Remus raises a teasing brow.

“Oh hush,” You shove his shoulder. “I was in the mood for something different and it was in the muggle book section. It seemed interesting.” 

“No judgment from me then, Dove.” He whispers, opening the book at your marked spot.

And that is exactly how you and Remus spend the rest of your day. Him reading to you, and you drawing thin vines, small flowers, and a variety of constellations on his various scars while you listen to his soothing voice tell the story of a girl with a dog that somehow got sucked into a tornado and transported into the world of Oz. It didn’t make sense to you, but Remus was reading it, and that was all that seemed to matter to you at that very moment.

[royalcolls-cccc-au-act]

MIND/APOLLO LORE !!

This is up until the current timeline of the story

.

.

.

> Apollo, that isn't his birth name but he didn't like the name he was given. He found it boring and way too common for someone such as himself, strong, smart, someone worth remembering. No one knowa what his actual name was besides his family and his best friend, June, and lord knows that they knew better than to tell other's that information.

> The boy grew up in a small town, one that had a lot of other poorer family's. So, the town wasn't as good as others. Not many people complained though, as they had enough to survive and live. It was worse of for those of bigger families, like Apollo's family. There were 5 kids all living under the same roof with both parents working to support it. The eldest of the siblings would work alongside their father as well as hunt for some decent animals and meat. The second eldest were to look after the younger ones, make sure they got to school and came back just fine.

> And this is how Apollo met June. In school.

> Long story short, they got on well. Inseperable. There was barley a time that they were seem away from eachother, and to others it was nothing dhort of a miracle as Apollo typically was snarky or just cold towards others, not liking to interact with people. But with June, he was happy. He was also chaotic, sure, but happy. When they were both late teens, around 16 (Apollo) and 17 (June), they went a few towns over to go check it out, and saw how it was a more well off town than theirs, as well as the fact that one or two people owned cars. Nice cars, big too. They exchanged a look and they both ended up stealing one of the cars. It took a bit, but they got it running. Bad news though, the sheriff noticed and as they drove off, the sheriff followed. The were eventually caught, but June lied and told the sheriff that Apollo didn't do a thing to help, and that June had done everything and dragged him along. They were both sent to jail, but for different times. Apollo got 6 months, while June got 4 years. Pretty unfair, but June didn't mind, he was just happy that he saved his friend the time in jail that he would've got.

> Apollo was forever grateful.

> 6 months later, Apollo was let out of jail, and he made his way home to his parents. Parents, who chewed his ear off for a good 2 hours straight about how stupid it was to go stealing a car. That wouldn't stop him though, as the next few months, Apollo continued these crimes and everything as he went on to successfully steal a car, and start robbing places, getting the money to dress nice and support himself. He also ended up moving out of his parents house. He didn't buy a house, didn't want to. He just spent time in his car, going from town to the jail June was held in, visiting his friend once a month.

> It got quite... lonely by himself. He didn't have June to hang about with, and god forbid he have any other friends. He didn't like that idea, but one day when he was collecting some fruit from the farmer, he decided to actually strike up a conversation.

**"Hey, what's this ranch for for? It doesn't look like you're usin' it for a whole lotta storage."**

> The farmer had laughed from where he was sat on a hay block, resting from the days work he had done.

*"It ain't used for storage, you're right. It's used as a stage, rehersal room. There's this... girl that uses it to practice. Darrel here helps 'er."*

> He gestured to the chicken that was pecking idley at the hay block that the farmer was sat on. He picked up the chicken and held him comfortably in his arms.

***"Tell me how she'd doin'. I might wanna meet lil' miss moviestar some day."***

> And then Apollo left. That was how the start of their friendship. Atlas knew that Apollo robbed others, but they had a mutual agreement that Atlas wouldn't snitch if he didn't steal from the farm and actually buy the crops and animal products.

> Moving to a while later, Apollo had been away from the farm for a while, as he was out of town, but that day he had to seek cover in the farm. He had been in one town over and saw a dog being mistreated, sand beinf kicked in its face and probably some other horrible things, so when the owners weren't looking, he hopped the fence and took the dog off its leash, taking it to the car and running off. The owners saw though, and chased him all the way to the farm. When Apollo got to the farm though, pulling up to a stop by the fence gate, there was a problem. A huge problem.

> The ranch was on fire.

> Now, Apollo was usually one to think quick on his feet, but in that moment he froze. He stares at the ranch and how it was up in flames and prayed that Atlas wasn't inside. Hoping to whatever god was out there that he didn't have to lose a friend, like how he lost June temporarily.

> After what felt like an eternity of just watching the flames burn the ranch, he ran inside the place, looking for any sign of Atlas. There was nothing but smoke and flames inside, evident by the fact it was like Apollo was coughing up his lungs. He spent what seemed to him as an eternity looking for Atlas, knowing that the man had nothing else to do besides be on his farm working all day, so he must be here, right? Well, he had to leave the ranch before finding out due to the smoke getting to him. He'd check though, every day after. For now he just has to get to a safe place where the fire didn't get him.

> It's a few weeks before he actually goes back to the farm, people were saying no one wa allowed near there, and they'd have to get their food other ways until the ranch was rebuilt. During the rebuilding time, Apollo visited, seeing the wooden frames and ladders, people working on the ranch. They were getting things done in a good time. And Atlas was there, outside the ranch with Darrel under his arm as he leant on a cane (Well that was new) watching the men working on his ranch.

> And life went on as normal from then on out.

> Until the day Apollo met someone new, of course.

> He drove up to the ranch like he did every week, but on a different day than he normally headed up there. He humed as he walked into the ranch, looking as Atlas seemed to be setting out some wooden planks on the floor.

**"Wha's all this for then?"**

> Apollo asks, confused as all hell.

*"A stage."*

> Is all the farmer had given in response as there were footsteps in the ranch. Apollo turns, then smiles.

**"So you're the famous lil' movie star Atlas has been talkin' 'bout?"**

[konaiiro]

wip: Summer '12 - Mandy Milkovich

A wip I cooked up a while ago which has been sitting in drafts. Planning to clean it up and finish it soon.

s2/s3 of Shameless from the perspective of Mandy.

Looking back, summer of 2012 had been something special. Something was in the air they breathed; in the beer they drank and in the joints they smoked. It was unescapable and ever since the leaves began to yellow later that season, she had craved that feeling like an addict. They didn’t have a 12-step guide for this kind of heartache; grow up or eat shit was the method around here. Both Ian and Mandy hadn’t been children for long, adults before they reached double digits, so maybe that summer was the years they missed out on - shoved into that crazy couple months before senior year. 

It wasn’t perfect but it was theirs and it was fucking everything. 

Ian Gallagher was the first boy to call her beautiful. Not her ass or her tits, but all of her, everything that made her Southside trash and maybe one day something more. When she thought back, she always liked to believe he also meant her soul. Maybe that’s why the next years hurt so bad - souls don’t heal the same. 

Admittedly, she had first been drawn to him by what some would call chivalry; it was in short supply around these parts. Watching his messily cut fringe and freckled cheeks in history class, the boy shockingly oblivious to it all, Mandy saw someone worth looking at. Ian didn’t look at her like she expected, he didn’t really look at her at all. Normally it took less to get a man watching, but just in case the boy was dense, she shimmied up her skirt before she tracked him down. 

The next week was a blur. Childishly, it had hurt being pushed away. It was embarrassing and humiliating, but worst of all, it hurt to think a good guy like Ian wouldn’t want anything to do with her. When she got home, tear-stained, to the questions from her brothers, the accusation just rolled out of her mouth. Milkovichs don’t cry. Milkovichs aren’t pussies. It somehow was worse to tell her siblings that someone didn’t want her, that she wasn’t worthy of someone who was good for the sake of it. The facade cracked when the ginger-haired boy found her outside her house, a piece of the puzzle clicking into place. 

She had been surprised when Ian said it, but in the end, it didn’t matter. Mandy would want him in any way he would let her. 

It was from then on that she saw the light of the Gallaghers, like a beacon buoyed out in the dark ocean. She was merely swimming towards something to keep her afloat. Mandy didn’t understand everything, like the unmeasured love to each other that the siblings had. She understood the devotion though - her kind was bloody and raw and destructive, because when there is a war on, you don’t get to question what you are fighting for. 

She had been stupid enough to draw her attention to Ian’s older brother. He had that smile that made sure you knew he was trouble, a cigarette falling from his lips, but at least he was looking back. 

He was known around the neighbourhood, always had been. First, sneered as Frank’s son, then as the delinquent street rat they all were, but it changed around middle school. He was the smart one, the one destined to go somewhere, the one lucky enough to have a ticket out of here. Mandy never believed the rumours, she had a fair share of her own to know that lot of them would be complete horse shit. She should’ve though, she really should have listened when they talked about Karen Jackson and the Gallagher boy’s take-no-prisoners attitude. It would’ve saved her time and heartbreak and the crushed hope that maybe Lip would take her with him when he inevitably made something of himself. 

No, she should’ve known from the start. The man was smart enough to know he was brillant but too stupid to realise he was also human like the rest of them. Nothing would've been enough for Lip and she had figured out at a young age that ass and tits only got you so far. Ian’s brother was an asshole and could be so fucking stupid but by August, Mandy had fallen in love with him. It was the kind of teenage, heatwave inducing love that she doesn’t think she’ll ever completely get over. Scars on her soul, and all that. 

Those sweet months between grades had been something like a dream. Fightclubs for both the local teens and the local robots. Weed so potent that Ian and her would discuss a life past the age of twenty five - West Point bound for him. It was another reason she loved Ian, he wanted to be something more. He gave her hope she desperately needed in the house of horrors she grew up in, in the neighbour they both did. He also talked about this boy he liked. The irony was not lost on her now that they both were chasing men who made themselves believe that they only wanted their bodies, but never their souls. Too bad they gave them anyways, laid their wishes and dreams out in hopes that something would become of it. Hoping that these men, boys really, would take a look and find something shiny and worth their time. The two of them - begging for something more, accepting what they got.

That summer had been something incredible, regardless of the heartbreak or maybe because of it, she wasn’t sure. They didn’t know it then but they would never be those two stupid highschoolers again because by the time they caught up with each other, they would be haunted by things out of their control.

It was the summer before Ian ran and Mandy stayed. It was before the bipolar caught up to him and Mickey was not fast enough to catch the man before they both crashed. It was before Kenyatta and Milwaukee and men with sharp smiles and kind money. It was before everything went to shit and the two of them would come out the other side of that storm very different people with only their beating hearts to prove that they still loved each other dearly. 

Every time the weather got warmer, she would let herself think back for a moment. Reminisce about the good, the bad and the ugly; Ian, Lip and the special type of scars that were left behind. Those months were packed to the brim on her battered camcorder SD card, now lost in her childhood bedroom like everything else that summer held - the last taste of teenage-hood they would never get again.

[joyish-little-boy]

One Backstory to Rule them All

Anyone else think about how Sanji's backstory parallels every other Strawhat's backstory?

1. Luffy - Luffy is the most obvious, as they quite literally flashback to Shanks losing his arm right after Sanji explains how Zeff sacrificed his leg for Sanji. It's interesting the parallel here - because Shanks sacrifice is what took Luffy a step further in his dreams and made him determined to be the captain of his own pirate crew rather than simply joining Shank's crew, which is what he wanted to do previously. Now, for Sanji, Zeff's sacrifice had the opposite effect and Sanji chained himself to Zeff and what remained of Zeff's dreams rather than being pushed forward by it.

2. Zoro - I find it interesting that all of the Monster Trio parallel each other in their backstories in that all of them constantly lost when they were kids. Zoro lost 2001 times to Kuina, Luffy lost 50 fights to Ace and 50 to Sabo every day, and Sanji was constantly being beaten by his siblings. Each were called weak by those beating them, and each grew past that. What's also interesting to me is that there's the specific method of losing in Sanji's losing montage that's a direct callback to Zoro's backstory, as Oda includes multiple scenes of Sanji being beat at fights with wooden swords.

The difference being that Kuina is a decent human being and doesn't abuse Zoro. She calls him weak, but ultimately respects him as a rival and Zoro respects her in turn. Luffy also eventually earns that respect, though Sanji never does which leads to a noticeable difference in how Zoro and Sanji see themselves and their places on the crew - Thriller Bark I think being a perfect example of how Sanji believes that he's replaceable in a way that Zoro doesn't.

3. Nami - Nami and Sanji were both kids that found themselves in abusive situations, though at different ages. For both of them, their abuse centered around a man who's belief in their own superiority led them to a sense of entitlement to what was theirs. Arlong believed in his own biological superiority and Judge believed in the superiority of the Vinsmoke name, as well as genetic superiority which led him to experiment on his own children. Arlong values the lives of fishmen, the lives of the rest of his crew over the lives of Nami and the rest of her village. Judge values the lives of his other children over Sanji, seeing him as a failure for the way he was born (although it's also mentioned he blames Sanji for what happened with Sora). I think another very interesting parallel in their stories is the role of their respective older sisters. Nojiko and Reiju both privately support their younger sibling but both cannot stand up to the abusive figure in their lives. Nojiko gets tattoos to match Nami's to help her feel less alone, she listens to Nami, and does her best to try and support her through the 8 years of hell (8 years being another parallel to other members of the crew including Sanji). Reiju for her part laughs along with her brothers, but never lays a hand against Sanji and does her best to patch him up after everyone is gone. Their actions are indirect and discreet, save for the final fights, and that muted care is a very interesting part of each of their characters and it's why, I think neither of them felt it was their place to accompany their siblings on their journey. When Nami leaves, Nojiko lets her go, like she's always let her go. And Reiju pushes Sanji to leave, just as she pushed before. That regret of not being able to help more will stick with them forever.

4. Usopp - Usopp's backstory is all of 5 seconds long and still manages to parallel Sanji's somehow??? If I had a nickel for each strawhat who's mom was sick and died from illness when they were young, I'd have 2 nickels-

5. Chopper - HOO boy the parallel of your biological family hating you for the way that you were born and neglecting/abusing you for it hits right on Chopper's blue nose. Now, it's not all bad for either of them, though - considering they each had someone that accepted them for who they were. Chopper had Hiraluk and Sanji had Sora. Hiraluk inspired Chopper to be a doctor, emphasizing he had the most important qualification - a big heart. Sora meanwhile cried about how kind Sanji was to Reiju and her nurse, when he told her to "get better soon", calling him the "sweetest boy in the world". That kindness - that caring nature, is something that Hiraluk and Sora would do anything to protect and it's so evident that these two cared deeply for their kids. It's why Hiraluk ate that poisoned mushroom and encouraged Chopper to become a doctor and Sora ate the ruined food despite her fragile constitution and asked Sanji to cook for her again! This is love, baby!

These two kids were willing to risk so much to bring nourishment and care to the ones they loved, BOTH standing up to their biological families - Chopper fighting through his old herd of reindeer to get the mushroom, and Sanji sneaking out risking his father's wrath and braving the storm and wild dogs to deliver the food. Hiraluk and Sora are Chopper's and Sanji's source of encouragement which kick start each of their passions. And both of them tragically die which is honestly just heartbreaking. But all hope isn't lost, and both Chopper and Sanji find a new mentor, ones who are strict - but do care a lot for each of them, and help them develop the discipline they need to learn their respective crafts. Kurehara and Zeff are interesting parallels, both tough older mentors who are sharp of tongue and strict with their new apprentices. They can be this way without discouraging Chopper and Sanji, because the passion has already been ignited and so it's easy to see how they're good fits for helping these two live up to their full potential.

6. Robin - the big parallel with these two boils down to these two scenes and I sob about both of them.

Saul and Reiju, telling them to set out to sea, placing faith in the vastness of the world, knowing that they've done everything they can for now and planting that seed of hope that someday Robin and Sanji will meet people that can give them what they deserve is just such a touching moment. While this parallel is interesting, what's also interesting is the ways in which these two characters differ. The danger that Robin runs from is something that chases her, whereas the danger that Sanji runs from is his family and once he's made it onto the boat he's free. Robin thought she would never be safe, Sanji thought he was safe up until the wedding fiasco. And precisely the thing that hurts Sanji - the fact that his family wanted him gone - is so different from what's hurting Robin - the fact that she'll never be left alone by the government. Robin is wanted for the skills she and only she has, her story is (wo)man vs world, her bounty set at 79,000,000 which is the literal value on her head. Sanji is unwanted for the skills he, and he alone (in his family) lacks. There's no bounty, no one goes after him. His story is man vs self and undoing the damage that was done to his psyche as a child. It's so fascinating to me the way that both of these characters are saved by the crew in similar but such different ways, the way that each of them wanted to die, but for different reasons. Robin wanted to sacrifice herself because she's been betrayed and hurt by the world so many times that she couldn't trust in the strawhats' love. She loved them too much to risk being hurt like that again. Sanji wanted to sacrifice himself because he'd rather die than inconvenience the crew. Rather than not believing in their love, he doesn't believe he's worth that love, preferring to solve his problems on his own. And I think that it's so fitting the way that both of their stories intersect in Wano, with Robin being able to protect Sanji and Sanji finally believing in his own worth enough to ask for help. They're such different characters, with Sanji wearing his heart on his sleeves and Robin holding her's close to her chest and such interesting mirrors of each other.

7. Franky - they're cyborgs, what else can I say? The difference here is clear - Sanji's body was modified without his consent, whereas Franky modified himself. They're also both unwanted children, with Franky's parents abandoning him on Water 7 whereas Sanji's father was happy when Sanji left.

8. Brook - the parallel here is in the loneliness that both of them experienced, and really Sanji just got a taste of what Brook went through. Sanji and Brook were both parts of different crews before they were on the strawhats, albeit Sanji as a child and for a very short time, whereas Brook was with the Rumbar pirates for a longer time as an adult journeying very similarly to how the strawhats are now. Both were the sole survivors of their respective crews after being attacked, and though Sanji had Zeff on the rock, neither of them communicated with each other for the first 70 days after their initial agreement. Sanji felt a taste of the 50 years that Brook had to go through, with no food or water or way to escape off his abandoned pirate ship.

9. Jimbei - honestly I don't really have a good comparison for these two, other than they're both people who when confronted with the cruelty of others chose irrational kindness. Jimbe eventually learned how to live with and respect humans, and Sanji wouldn't let his family die, even after everything they put him through. They're both people who derived their codes of honor from others - Jimbei from Fisher Tiger and Queen Otohime and Sanji from Zeff. Idk maybe there's more there, but i don't really have too much to say about these two

Anyways, idk i just think they're neat 👉👈 and the way that Oda threw in parallels to all the other character's when completing Sanji's backstroy is so fascinating to me

[sirenologyyy]

ROCKAWAY !

ao'nung x fem!sully reader

✷ premise : as tensions rise and your family is forced out of the only home you've ever known, fish boy meets forest girl and the rest is history (tragedy)

✷ warnings : kidnapping, swearing, injury, blood, violence, and death

✷ author's note : here's part 2 for you guys! Just a lil heads up the fight scene is in this one 👀 also hinewai is pronounced as HEE-neh-WAI !

part 2 of the SOLD OUT OF LOVE series

"These are ilu, if you want to live here you have to ride "

You turn to Neteyam and Lo'ak, your eyes meeting theirs.

"Don't tell me you're actually scared baby bro" Neteyam taunts, leaning closer to Lo'ak as they pretended to pay attention to Ao'nung teaching them how to properly bond with an ilu.

"Who the hell says i'm scared?"

"He's bluffing" You appended lightnight fast, keeping your eyes on Ao'nung while tilting your body towards your oldest brother.

"Yeah I know he is," He crowed. "I know his tell, his face turns purple and his tail draws zig-zags in the air-" He stops. "Oh my bad, he was just looking at Tsireya"

Lo'ak jabs his elbow against Neteyam's arm as you tried stifling your laugh, slapping your hand over your mouth before it was too late.

"Are you three even listening?" Ao'nung asks, zeroing his eyes at each of you respectively, his eyes lingering on your face longer than you had liked to the point that you had just raised both your eyebrows acknowledging him, he looks away innocently, glaring at Lo'ak once more.

Neteyam looks at him. "Right, yeah, sorry"

"Answer the question skxawng" He maintained.

Lo'ak stepped up, showing his palms. "Look take it easy alright? Don't need to get a knot in your tail so early in the morning"

The blue frog was a few seconds shy from steam leaving his ears and Tsireya quickly notices. "Now that Ao'nung has explained to you all the basics, who wants to go first?" She asks.

Innocently, you shove Lo'ak forward as the rest of you took a step backwards like something tugged at the neurological link that connected between siblings. He looked at all of you standing two steps away from him almost scandalised, betrayed, possibly even outraged.

"Lo'ak!" Tsireya exclaimed happily, clapping her hands as she wades toward him, pulling him to the ilu that had been circling her through out the entire session. He looked back at the rest of you in fear, you and Neteyam silently giving words of support and encouragement as Tsireya pulled him along with her.

"Swing your leg over her body" Ao'nung instructs once Tsireya dragged the both of you a few ways away from the others, you begrudgingly swung your right leg over the ilu's slender body, running a hand over her neck as an attempt to console it from the abrupt weight shift that was you sitting on her back.

You barely even blinked before you hear Ao'nung's tongue check in his mouth. "You're sitting on it wrong"

You whirl your head at him. "I'm sitting on it wrong? " You reiterate, widening your eyes at him in disbelief.

"Yes" He deadpans. "A million possible ways you can ride an ilu yet you ride it as if you're trying to wrestle with it"

You roll your eyes in frustration, but nearly jumping out of your skin when you feel his warm hand on your leg, out of instinct you jabbed your foot against his chest, sending him a few steps back. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? He sends you a sharp look. "Relax Forest Girl, I am not here to violate you" He retaliates boredly. "Put your leg down here, you're not trying to ride an íkran," He began, shifting your leg to a different more comfortable position. "Go and make the bond"

You connect your queues together and a surge of memories wash over you, clear and exhilarating days of swimming in the open ocean, hunting for food, playing in the reefs, the fear of losing her parents to akulas, your stomach sinking as you watched it swim away, the love she had for her children, 5 babies, you felt as proud as she was.

"Now we can finally start by fixing that horrible posture of yours, Eywa Almighty you look like a deformed shrimp"

"Just teach me how to ride the goddamn thing"

"I'm getting there"

You huffed, straightening your back and squaring your shoulders, trying to get yourself used to sitting on an ilu.

"You have to treat her like she is one of your own," Ao'nung tells you, walking towards the head of the ilu. "You must be gentle, slow, treat her with respect, with compassion, and most of all ride her like you care for her-"

You finally slump. "Are you teaching me how to ride an ilu or get it pregnant?"

You heard his hand splash the surface of the water, your ilu baying at the sudden action. "Would the repercussions of murdering Toruk Makto's daughter short of death? because i am going to risk it"

"You talk too much" You tell him with a sour expression.

"You talk too much " He repeats in a tone that you assumed was a crude imitation of your voice.

Your jaw almost went slack if not for your brother, zooming past your peripheral on his ilu. You turn your body around, following his distorted figure until he is thrown off his ilu. You hear Ao'nung rise from the water and laugh as his other friends do, you realize how quickly you missed Rotxo's presence.

As Lo'ak swims back to the group, Ao'nung turns to you.

"Hold here" He says, gesturing to the ilu's gill mantle, you do as he says, adjusting your grip every now and then to see which one could keep you on the longest. "Mind your back, Forest Girl"

You straighten it once more. "Jesus Christ"

His face twists again. "What the hell is a Jesus Christ?" He stops himself. "You know what I do not want to know, keep your back straight and your legs in the same position as they were before or you will be sliding across the beach like a skipping stone"

"You're a real hit aren't you"

"I know" He grinned.

You let out a puff of air as you flexed your shoulders, feeling your back crack. "Y/N! It is your turn!" Tsireya calls out, beckoning you towards her and the empty space where Lo'ak had taken off just moments earlier. You swallowed, telling your ilu to move forward and as she does you lower your head closer to hers. "You won't throw me off will you?"

She clicks and yelps at you, only hoping that was her saying 'no worries pal'

Your ilu who you unofficially decided to name Hinewai, stops at the center of everyone. Lo'ak barely made it past that rock formation shaped like a fang, if you could somehow hang on til then and the way back then Ao'nung could shove that smug smile right up his ass.

"Okay, go!" Tsireya exclaimed.

"Hyah!" You yell, before filling your cheeks with air and descending under the water. It was a rough ride at first but you held onto the gill mantle for dear life while she flailed you around like some ragdoll, your left hand slips, you only manage to hold onto it again after a minute of her chasing some fish through the coral reef, making hard turns, your legs and arms getting scraped by the rocky surfaces of coral. She catches it just outside the small reef and you tell her to bring you up for some air, coincidentally a few steps away from the group.

Neteyam, Kiri, Tuk, and Tsireya started cheering you on as your body broke through the water , Lo'ak a little less considering his twin baby sister just rode and ilu and didn't fall off like he did. On the first try nonetheless, and lastly Ao'nung who didn't utter a peep.

"You were amazing out there!" Neteyam shouts, wading up to you with the rest of your siblings.

"It didn't feel like it" you admitted, almost laughing in the process.

"You should've seen Lo'ak's face when he realized you were coming back still riding your ilu" Kiri giggles, earning a nudge from Lo'ak who simply grinned before trapping you in a headlock and digging a knuckle against your hair, you try and push him off before smacking him in the face which catches him off guard.

"Teyam and Lo'ak were betting on you, you know, they said if you fell then Neteyam gets Lo'ak's chores for two weeks" Kiri adds before Lo'ak slaps his hand on her mouth, passing it off with a little laugh.

"It's true," Tuk says, looking at Lo'ak. "If you did fell Lo'ak gets Neteyam's chores plus a week's worth of yovo fruit"

"Tuk hit her head on the wall before leaving the house, she dosen't know what she's saying" says Lo'ak.

Tuk was about to object before Lo'ak picks her up sideways and blows raspberries on her stomach, bringing her to Tsireya to feed the ilus.

"Where is your brother?"

"He's down by the beach"

Neytiri frowns. "It is lunch time, very unlikely for Lo'ak not to be here by now"

"He had a big breakfast" You tell her, setting down the basket of fish you and Neteyam managed to catch after riding the ilus. "Near threatened to beat me if I didn't give him my share of banana fruit this morning"

A couple of your siblings chuckle along with you.

"Look, if he's hungry he can come to us, me and your mom have business to take care of after lunch so we gotta eat quick" Jake disclosed, nodding at the empty spots next to the dining table as he himself sat down. Neytiri asks Kiri to lead the prayer and once she was done thanking for the food you've all received and whatnot you started to dig in. Nabbing a piece of fish, breaking it apart, ripping a piece of meat, and popping it in your mouth.

"I heard you all practiced with ilus today," Jake starts, swallowing. "How'd that go?"

"It went okay, sir" Neteyam answers beside you. "Challenging at first but nothing a little practice couldn't fix"

"Good to hear" says Jake.

"Ma'ite, please sit properly" Neytiri says, looking at you. You resist the urge to groan so you put your leg down, your elbow previously resting on it before she spots you from across the table. This was stupid.

"Is that an eyeroll?" Jake wonders almost instantly, your ears flicking down for a millisecond before you look up at him to make sure he was talking to you. Yeah he was talking to you. "No, sir" you reply.

"Better not be"

"Teyam, pass the fish" Kiri asks quietly, pointing her chin at the basket of fish located in between you and him, he hands it to her across the table, watching her lips to mutter a small thank you.

You see your dad break apart a yovo fruit. "How're you all treatin' the Olo'eyktan's children? You nice to them?"

More like were they nice to us?

"Yes sir"

"Great, I need that to remain a constant, I expect the best from all of you alright?" Now that Lo'ak wasn't here his eyes find yours instantly. "Yes?"

A scattered chorus of yes sir's and yes dad's were heard across the dining table.

"Before we make dinner I want you two to help me with repurposing some of Tuk's old clothes" Says Neytiri, she didn't have to look at any of you for you to know who she was referring to.

"Okay" Kiri replies, breaking apart a yovo fruit as well, splitting the other half with Tuk.

"Okay" you say, flipping the fish to its other side to pick at the remaining meat.

You hear the collision of a wooden glass onto the table. "Should we head over?" Jake asks, looking at Neytiri who seemed to have finished eating as well, she responds with a silent nod.

They stand up from the table in unison, going over to wash their hands before they head on out. "I don't want none of you clowning around when we're away is that clear?" You barely had any time to respond before your Dad starts talking again. "Be on your best behavior or I swear you'll never hear the end of it from me"

"Be good, all of you" Mom adds.

"Neteyam, Y/N, up and at 'em " Neteyam stands up straight, straight back, straight face, so do you, though a bit slower than him. "You're in charge as usual, you know what to do once your siblings start upsetting the apple cart, you read me?"

Neteyam gives him a curt nod. "Affirmafive sir, loud and clear"

"Now for you," He says rounding on you. "Don't bite off more than you can chew alright?"

"Aye, aye" You reply, your voice hinting at the slightest almost impercievable tone of sarcasm you so desperately wanted to use.

"Alright, dismissed" and just like that they were gone.

You finally slouch again. "Come on, hurry up and finish your food before they come back"

Neteyam sighed. "Don't do that, you might choke on a fishbone"

"We can just see who's faster at putting away the plates" Tuk suggested, pushing a piece of fish in her mouth she stole from your plate.

"Do you want my fish?" You just ask, she nods and so you ripped her half of whatever meat was left before you wolfed down the rest.

Neteyam downs a glass of water. "Hah! Done!"

"Yeah well so am I!" Tuk combats incoherently, her cheeks full of fish before she swallows it all down.

"We're all done, silly" says Kiri, standing up and bringing her leaf to the sink where she scrapes all of what was left of her plate down the hole, an ilu that was waiting beneath the hut chomping on all of the left overs.

"Tuk go grab the rest of the bowls " You tell her, scraping your scraps down the hole before giving it to Kiri who washed it down.

Once the table was cleared and the dishes were put away you all go out of the hut, Kiri down to the beach to find Lo'ak while you and Neteyam watch Tuk running off towards a group of village children who beckoned her to play with them, not looking back at you any longer.

You turn to Neteyam. "Eywa, I wish it was that easy to make friends here"

He chuckles. "Come on, it's Tuk" He tells you knowingly.

"I wish we were all like Tuk" you sang, sighing greatly.

"They probably just start out really sweet, and as they grow older they turn all twisted and mean, like Ao'nung"

"No" You tell him, shaking your head, staring at your youngest sister slowly turn into a blurry figure as she got farther and farther away from you. "He was dropped as a child, it's the only explanation"

You and him walk along the coastline, enjoying the cold breeze, the warm sun, before Kiri's voice captures your attention. You didn't need to see the look on Neteyam's face before the both of you ran towards the sound. Under the shade of the trees you see Kiri and Lo'ak.

And Ao'nung and his friends.

Neteyam gets there faster than you, turning Ao'nung to face him. "You heard what she said, leave them alone"

You see one of Ao'nung's cronies step up. "Ohh, big brother coming to-" He stops as Ao'nung stops him with a hand across his chest.

"-Back off, now" Neteyam snarled, prodding a finger at Ao'nung's chest. He takes a step back, throwing his arms up in the air to show he concedes.

This man cannot be serious.

"They don't have it in them to hit us, just a couple of lap dogs and their ring leader" You say, siding with Neteyam, eyes landing on Ao'nung who looked like he was about to transform into a plum. "Come on you guys, we're done here" You tell your siblings, walking off in annoyance before one of his friends pushes you back in the circle.

"Don't touch me" You snap, slapping his arm away and shoving his chest backward.

"Hey!" Neteyam bellows, walking up to one of his goofy ass looking friends, staring at every single one of them in the process. "From now, on I need you to respect my sisters, got that?"

So he just resorts to hissing at him. With that, Neteyam grabs your and Lo'ak's shoulders, leading the both of you out of there.

"Ba-bye!" Taunts one.

"Look at them, freaks, all four of them" You hear Ao'nung whisper, your hand started to twitch involuntarily. You turn around to give them a piece of your mind but realize that Lo'ak was already 5 steps ahead of you.

"Lo'ak" you say, abandoning your original plan, sensibility taking over.

He turns to you. "I got this, sis"

"I know this hand is funny," He began, flexing his fingers at them. "Look, I'm a freak, an alien" He tells them as they laughed. "But it can do something really cool, watch, see- you have to ball it up real tight like this, and then-"

BAM. One hit square on the nose.

BAM. another across his face.

BAM. One last, under the chin sending his ass falling down to the sand.

You couldn't help but let out a laugh at the sight, Neteyam and Kiri glaring at you.

"It's called a punch bitch! Never touch my sisters again!" Lo'ak yelled before Ao'nung rams into him. Lo'ak turns him over and punches him once more, the other boys dragged him back by his tail, one of the burly looking ones slapping him hard across the face with his own.

It wasn't fair if you simply stood and watched this right? You needed to put a stop to this.

So without thinking you started running.

Running towards the fight, dragging one of the boys away from your brother by his queue, landing one across his face, dodging a punch from another before headbutting him instead. Someone drags you away by your tail, falling to the sand with a loud thud, you turn to your back and jab your heel against his loincloth, springing back up before one of the boys turn you around to try and land a punch, one to the right, dodge, one to the left, until he just kneed you in the ribs making you double over so that he could finally land a punch to your cheekbone, then another punch to your cheekbone before you grab his fist, turn him around and kick his back, taking another boy down in the process, leaving them to the care of Neteyam who had joined the fight moments after you.

Ao'nung comes at you from behind, sending the both of you down, your head landing hard on a rock sending shock waves through your skull, your temple had started to bleed as you turn him over, landing punches on his nose until it bled, he kicks you off of him, punching your stinging cheekbone, your nose, your cheekbone, then your nose, as static began to fill your vision.

"You hit like a girl!" You screamed at him, struggling underneath his grip.

"So do you!" He shouts back before you try and push him off you, struggling underneath him before resorting to kicking his groin with your knee which worked like a charm, you were on your feet a second later, spitting out the liquid iron taste that filled your mouth. You switched positions, pinning him down which caught him off guard as you tried to land another hit on his face before he got away, you see the look on his face and you couldn't help but laugh.

"Careful, wouldn't want me to think you enjoy being underneath me do you?" You intoned.

Ao'nung's gaze was piercing and vile enough to poison a thanator. "I'd rather pull my spine out of my ass than ever come close to liking you"

With one last punch to his face you scramble towards Lo'ak who had three on him. You pull one away by his tail, dragging him across the beach before punching another one square to the throat, watching him choke and stagger back before you landed two punches to his face, pinning him down, getting lost in the moment and splitting his eyebrow open. The boy was absolutely befuddled, he does everything he could to get you off of him, but to no avail, he resorted to claw at you, causing your necklace to split, beads flying everywhere.

You feel your shoulder turned around by someone, it was Ao'nung once more with another punch to the nose, feeling hot blood dribble out from your nostrils, you pull his arm down, placing a knee on his ribs and finally letting go all of your pent up frustrations onto his face, you weren't even sure if the blood on your knuckles were his or yours.

"All that mouth yet you still can't fight with your fists" He pants with a sickening grin, the dark red patches on his face contrasting with the cool teal of his skin.

Your jaw tightens, forgetting the pain, letting rage take the wheel as you pulled your dagger out of its sheath, raising it up to his neck and watching as the sight of it wipes the cocky grin off his face, his lips parting in shock. "You're right, I don't, but i'm damn sure I can fight with this"

"You won't " He spat.

But you nod. "Oh but I would, I really would"

He tries to get out of your grip, you didn't even have to do anything for your knife to knick his skin.

"You want me to take this off your neck?" You ask, looking at his eyes for an answer, you weren't satisfied on what you got so you deepened your knife against his neck, making him let out a broken hiss. "Don't touch my siblings again, or so help me Eywa I will slit your throat and watch while you bleed dry on the beach then I'll call on my íkran to feast on your scorched corpse" You hissed. "You got that reef boy?"

But he does not answer, instead he stares up at you in silence, the only sound eliciting his lips were the ragged breaths he took, you could feel the rapid rise and fall of his chest against yours, his aquamarine eyes bouncing from every point of your face, almost reading you, until the grip on your knife loosened.

You found yourself reading him too, confusion and frustration making your face twist.

That is until someone pulls you away from him, and at the spur of the moment you almost feel like his hands tried to wrap themselves around your waist before your body was so quickly pulled out of his clutches.

Another boy gave you an uppercut, then another knee to the gut before you pointed your knife at him, sending him backwards. You try and stand up, regaining your balance as you let a grin spread on your stinging face.

"That's it," you taunt, nodding at him, unconciously baring your fangs. "Back up"

One of them tries to make a leap for you but you just do the same, so they hiss instead. Fine, you thought. You throw your dagger through the gap between them, making it's mark on a tree behind them, they were stunned to say the least, it even had wisps of hair sticking out from where the knife met the tree, they look back at you horrified.

You see them run away hurriedly calling for their ilus, Ao'nung being the last as he gave you one last look before riding his ilu.

You close your mouth, tasting blood before you wipe your nose with the back of your hand. "Candy-ass bitch" you mutter to yourself.

You were only brought out from your reverie when you hear the familiar screech of an ikran.

Well, shit

" What was the one thing I asked? "

You huffed, clutching your side. "Stay out of trouble" you say with Lo'ak.

"Stay out of trouble" your Dad repeats for emphasis.

You see Neteyam stepping forward. "Dad, it was my fault"

"No, I don't think so, you gotta stop taking the heat for these knuckleheads" He snapped, turning to you and Lo'ak.

You purse your lips, hesitating before stepping forward "Dad- S-Sir, Ao'nung was picking on Kiri" You try to explain.

"He called her a freak, they picked on Y/N too!, they pushed her around!"

"Lo'ak you asshole!" You shout at Lo'ak, your temper rising once more.

"Hey!" Jake yells, making you flinch, your ears ringing at the volume nowhere near matching your voice, it ceased another impending argument. "What were you thinking? Neteyam, how could you let this happen?"

"Sir, things just got out of hand"

"Bullshit" He says, shaking his head. "If you had handled the fight early on, if you handled it properly we could've stopped this from ever happenning, do you see that?"

Neteyam nods, staring at the floor.

Jake snaps his fingers repeatedly. "Do you see what i'm talking about Neteyam??"

"Yes, sir" He finally says, seeing his eyes blink like rapid-fire.

"Don't even get me started on the two of you" Jake complains, pointing a finger at you and Lo'ak, swinging like a pendulum, eyes landing on your twin brother. "You hit them first! You never hit- what do I always say? "

"Never hit first or else you're no better than them"

"Exactly!" Jake exclaims. "What did you do? Did you listen to me?"

Lo'ak shook his head. "No"

"No, because you never listen do you?"

Lo'ak's ears droop, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jake looks at you and you look at him, trying to push down any iota of fear you had within you. "Christ Y/N, where do I even begin with you"

"Maybe the part where Ao'nung and-"

"-No, you don't get to talk!" He boomed, rounding on you and you quickly avert your eyes. "You don't get to talk! not after what you said to him, the Olo'eyktan's son! Do you forget who he is Y/N? The chief's son!"

"I get it, Dad" You insist, staring at the floor.

"Another word from you and you're grounded for a week" He threatens. "is this really the shit you wanna pull???"q He asks, shouting at your face as you pursed your lips together, an attempt at stopping the tears that threatened to fall. "You're lucky if the Tsahík ever lets you step a foot on the beach again!"

"Well that son of a bitch deserved it" You said bravely.

"I don't care if he did or not, you are in the wrong, you need to see that"

"Dad, she was only trying to-"

"-zip it" He tells Neteyam. "I expected this shit from your bothers but never from you, never you, now you- you went out there and proved me wrong... what do you gotta say for yourself?"

You remained silent and you heard him hum. "That's what I thought"

His flick upwards to your bleeding temple, your bruised face and suddenly he starts remembering that stormy night. "You pulled a goddamn knife to his neck, Y/N, a knife! Are you insane? "

Your own father calling you insane was worse than any blows you had to endure from those boys.

Neytiri enters the hut, walking up to you. "Ma Jake, she gets it, please stop" She says, placing her hand on your shoulder before you shrug it away harshly.

"That's the problem, she dosen't does she?, she never thinks it through, punch first questions later, isn't that right?" He taunts, looking at you, still maintaining a shit poker face. "I can't believe you" He tells you whilst shaking his head in disapproval, that's when your lower lip starts to tremor and your throat start to to cave in.

"You have no idea how disappointed I am of you" He says to the three of you, his tail swishing in the air in frustration. "Most especially you " He tells you, feeling your stomach sink, your eyes start to fog up.

"Go apologise to Ao'nung, both of you"

"What?" Lo'ak retaliates.

"I don't care how you do it, just go and make peace"

Lo'ak heads out first, walking down the steps and onto the beach.

"So what'd the other guys look like?" Jake asks Neteyam.

"Worse"

Jake nods. "Good"

"A lot worse" You hear Neteyam say as you had your back against your Dad, knowing you weren't leaving the hut to apologise to Ao'nung. Turning towards the forest when you see Ronal and Tonowari out on the beach, talking to Ao'nung's friends and hearing the words "have you seen him around-?" before their conversation deemed too incoherent to decipher.

Your chest felt too tight, your eyes felt too hot, your back ached, your head was spinning. You had found yourself hiding in a secluded part of the island, surrounded by trees and wildlife, water trickling down the stone formations that stood behind you, birds flee above your warbling and squawking, insects chirping and squeaking.

You covered your ears as you allowed the tears to spill from your eyes, curled up into a ball as you stared into the void.

You couldn't breathe.

The world was moving too fast and you couldn't catch up, your grip on it loosening.

You tried forgetting the words your Dad told you, making yourself believe that they didn't matter because he was just angry and he only wanted to look out for you, but you couldn't, your mind was sealed shut and nothing came in or out.

You were spiraling now.

You couldn't breathe, your lungs felt like they were set on fire

Suddenly your mind started to become loud. So loud that it made you wonder where the sound was coming from, you were alone weren't you?

Was it all just happenning inside your head?

That's the problem, she dosen't does she?, she never thinks it through, punch first questions later, isn't that right?

You remember his voice, how he mocked you, how he taunted you.

Are you insane?

You shut your eyes tight, shaking your head, convincing yourself that this was all in your head.

You have no idea how disappointed I am of you, especially you.

"Stop" you tell the disembodied voice, keeping your hands clasped tightly over your ears "You aren't real, you aren't real"

"Who isn't real?"

You whirl your head at lightning speed, almost giving yourself a whiplash in the process, there, just a few steps away from you was Ao'nung, all battered and bruised, standing behind a stream of sunlight.

You stand up abruptly. "Go away" you tell him, turning around to face the rock formation, wiping your tears away.

He stands there for a moment, just looking at you, seeing the wet trails on your cheeks before you so hurriedly turn away from him. "I'm not here to taunt you, Forest Girl" He tells you.

You hum, turning back around. "I don't believe you"

He stepped forward now, directly into the sunlight, highlighting his bruises the shape of golfballs, his eyes turning into a shade of blue you never knew existed. "Fine, believe what you want to" he sighed.

"Have you come to laugh at me?"

He throws his arms in the air only to have them land on either side of his hips with a thwack. "Eywa, were you not just listening to me talk?"

"I'm afraid I hadn't been paying attention to you at all" you confessed dryly.

He gives you a look. "What are you doing here?"

You shrug. "I like looking at rocks"

"You lie" He muttered.

"No I don't"

"Are too"

"I really like how they're so grey"

He raises his eyebrows at you. "Tell me the truth, Forest Girl"

"I wanted to be alone" You say. "I don't like the beach, I don't like the Marui, I wanted some place where it felt like everything was still simple, even when it's not"

Then, a brief moment of silence.

Ao'nung looks around, there were the trees, the grass, the flowers, the insects, the shrubs, the plants.

"I understand" He says, shocking you to your very core. "You are an outsider, you do not belong here in Awa'tlu"

You couldn't help the snuff that comes out of your nose. "Thanks"

"But my people use this trail often," He explained. "you will not feel at peace here"

You stay silent, thinking about what he said, how he said it, how he's behaving, no signs of hostility, or resentment, his parents have sent him away to apologise to you, that much you know.

"Your parents are finding you, you know" He tells you after a moment.

"So are yours" you tell him, recalling the moment you saw Ronal and Tonowari, talking to his other friends to know if they've spotted him or not. "You should go back"

"So should you" He bounces back.

Then, in the distance, you hear his friends calling for him, both of you turning towards the sound.

"Hey," you say, turning to him. "Do me a solid and don't lead them here okay? I'm too tired for another fight, as much as I want to beat your dim friends to a pulp I can't afford another screwup"

He stops in his tracks for a moment before he nods at you. "I wasn't going to" He says, making your eyebrows knit at the middle. "But fine, don't think I'll let you off so easy next time"

"I doubt you won't"

He turns his head back to the way he came. "I'm here! I'm here! Stay where you are I'm coming to you" He shouts before beginning to push past the overgrown leaves that was blocking the path. It addles you when you see him stop walking. "By the way, i've never met someone, let alone a girl, that can put up a fight as well as you did"

You giggle through your nose, a smile cracking on his face before he leaves you alone.

You didn't apologise to him like your father had wanted but at least it was an entire conversation where not one of you tried to spite eachother.

You kept avoiding him during lessons which was hard considering Tsireya insists that you and him were a pair already.

So far today was just practicing the transition from holding your breath for long periods under water and learning how to regain your breathe once your ilu leaps out of the water and back again, sticking mostly to your big brother than usual.

Also the fact that Ao'nung and Lo'ak still kept sending death glares to eachother during training was another highlight you've yet to mention, it got so bad that Tsireya had to dismiss all of you two hours early saying that all of your siblings did good, and that you deserved the rest of the day off.

You slap the back of Lo'ak's head. "You're doing it again"

"What do you mean?"

"Quit staring at him, it's distracting" Neteyam says.

"Jesus Lo, just rip off eachother's clothes and hit it in the sack already"

He stood up from his seat, pointing a finger at you. "You're messed up"

You giggle at him as he walks off, you turn to Neteyam who sat beside you, remaining quiet.

"Is dad talking to you yet?"

You shook your head, brushing sand off your feet as you and him sit by the roots. "No, I doubt he ever will"

"Chin up baby sis" He tells you, hooking an arm around your shoulder, shaking you gently. "It has only been two days, I'm sure he will come around"

"If it was you maybe" you tell him before squinting at the beach, watching the whitecaps forming in the horizon. "You and Lo'ak have Dad, say what you want but I know Dad always wanted two boys, Mom has Kiri and Tuk, me, I'm just... I'm not like you, 'Teyam" You found yourself saying, looking at him now. "I cheated my way out of death, became an Avatar, Kiri and I aren't your siblings by blood but at least she was born Na'vi-"

"-It dosen't seem that different to me" Neteyam interrupted you. "I always saw you as my sister, even if you only reached up to my waist when we were kids, even if you had no tail, no fangs, none of that mattered to me... so what if you look a little different now? You've always been Y/N, you've always been my little sister"

Silence ensues as the wind blew in from the sea.

"Shit Neteyam" You finally laugh, looking at the tree tops above you so that the tears that threatened to brim your eyes would somehow fall back in. "It's only 4 pm, damn you"

He cackles, pulling you closer to him until you finally just scoot over, resting your head on his shoulder. Watching the swell of the waves, lapping up at the sand before falling back into the ocean, watching as fishermen cast their nets into the water, children swimming after eachother, hearing the faint yelps of ilus in the background.

You sit there for a few minutes, possibly even half an hour, before Neteyam stands up saying he'll go check up on Kiri and Tuk and see if their Marui was still standing, and with that you are left to your own devices. You begin to hate the quiet and so you stand up and start walking into the lush fauna Awa'atlu had to offer, dancing past moss covered rocks, avoiding skittish insects crawling about. You hear a twig snap behind you, your ears perk up, and a cold feeling washes over your back, your fingers wrap themselves around the hilt of your dagger as you began walking deeper into the forest, staying light on your feet as you hear the rustling grow louder.

You swerve behind a waterfall and start running, slipping in and out of trees, ducking over overgrown branches until you bump into a teal wall of flesh, the impact was so hard you practically bounced off of eachother.

"What the hell do you think you're trying to pull?"

Ao'nung shows you his palms. "Take it easy, no need to get angry again"

"Were you the one following me?" You pressed.

"Yes, until you started running which made me have to run after you"

You abandon your fighting stance, standing up straighter. "Is this some sick joke?"

You see him scratch the side of his mouth. "I realized I never apologised to you... for- for the fight"

"I thought you'd have forgotten it by now"

"Pretty hard not to" He laughed. "I got an earful once I came back home, couldn't stop thinking about it ever since, I even lost sleep because of it"

"My deepest sympathies" You droned.

"I guess I just wanna say that I am sorry" Ao'nung mutters. "For hitting you"

You nod, biting the inside of your cheek as you look around, hearing yourself up for an apology. "I'm sorry too... for hitting you, i'm sorry that you deserved it, i hoped it hurt"

He blinked.

"Also sorry for calling you all those names, sorry for talking about you behind your back, sorry for shit talking you in front of my parents-"

He stops you with his hand. "-what?"

"Yeah"

"Fine, apology accepted" He replied gruffly, half-shrugging. "Now come on, I want to show you something"

"Like hell i'm going to follow you anywhere"

"I'm not going to murder you if that's what you're so worried about"

"Why don't I believe you?" You sassed, raising a lone eyebrow at him.

"I never asked you to believe, I only want you to trust me"

It made you think. "If I trust you, I need to believe that you won't cause me any harm, to trust is to believe"

"It works both ways Forest Girl" you could tell he was getting tired of your technicality.

Huh. "I suppose you are right"

"Are you coming or not?" He calls after you, already several steps away.

You follow him in silence, praying to Eywa he was being true to his word and was not in fact leading you to your death. The pair of you finally reach the end of the forest, a secluded beach, you see him walk all the way to the edge of the water where he called on his ilu, urging you to do the same. You called on Hinewai and you saddled her waiting for further instructions from Ao'nung, when he starts moving forward so do you, when he stops by a huge rock formation covered with palm trees and lush flowers you stop too.

"We have to swim from this point forward" He tells you, jumping off his ilu and sending it off.

You cautiously jump off yours, making a splash as your body hit the water. "I will even race you" He says.

"What are we, 10?"

He half-shrugs, giving you a boyish smile. "Take it as a practice drill"

He dives down and so do you, following him deeper, and deeper also while trying to beat him there, wherever there was. The huge rock formation had stretched down farther than you had hoped, when you spot the hole and watched Ao'ning swim inside, you were having second thoughts about following him in, but your competitiveness took over you and you pursued him, swimming faster so that you could catch up to him. He began swimming upwards, and so do you, propelling yourself as quick as you could so that you'd be head to head, your chest was starting to tighten again and you felt like his was as well, so it was a race to the top.

After what felt like hours you resurfaced and took a huge intake of breath, beating Ao'nung by mere seconds.

"Hah! Take that!" You exclaimed, hooting and cackling as your laughter bounces off the walls of the cave which were covered in bioluminescent bugs resembling Teylu, casting the cave in a soft blueish hue.

"Where are you??" He asks, whirling his head around.

"I'm right here dumbass!" You say, splashing the water which catches his attention.

He laughed loud, wiping his face of water. "I can't see a thing! Can you see?"

You giggled, throwing your head back. "Yeah, yeah! I can see! I see you!"

You both freeze, your splashing had ceased and you both just floated here, staring at eachother's hazy faces in the dark.

"Uhm-" He starts, scratching his head.

"Should i-"

"No-! Yes-! Go ahead"

You swim out of the water, propping yourselves onto the rough rock, he gestures you to follow him deeper into the cave and he stops walking, sticking his back towards the wall and pointing his chin at the most magnificent thing you've ever laid your eyes on.

Your jaw drops to your feet as you marveled at the sight before you.

"Holy fuck" you say.

AAAAAND THAT'S PART 2! The fight scene was incredibly fun to write as you can see I kinda lengthened it just cuz I had the creative freedom, also the scene with Jake, Neteyam, and Lo'ak gotta have some angst in this chapter, even though there's more coming in the suceeding parts. Anyways!!!! I hope you enjoyed! <3

[xstarsmvxz]

Patching up BOYFRIEND! Ao’nung ☆

pairings → AO’NUNG x fem!omaticaya! reader

summary → Ao’nung gets into trouble and you’re there to help him -^-

warnings → basically just fluff / slight mention of fighting / kisses and cuddles ☆

word count → 773 words ( very short ).

It was well known around the village that Ao’nung could get in some trouble, the question that many of the clan members ask is.. does he deliberately do it or not? That question will always be unanswered but somehow this boy still finds himself in the middle of rambles and arguments left and right.

He would never worry about having his pretty face messed up because he knew you would always be at home ready to patch him up and hold him until you both fall asleep.

That is exactly what happened after today’s shenanigans.

You sat in your’s and Ao’nungs newly shared marui pod humming to yourself as you weaved some new blankets for other women in the clan. You and your family had been staying with the Metkayina for the past seven months and despite all of the issues he and your siblings had with each other, you and Ao’nung surprisingly formed a loving bond super fast.

You were so lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t even realised that your boyfriend had walked in until he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind you and started peppering your neck and shoulders with small kisses. You smiled and turned around until you saw his beat and bruised face.

“My goodness Ao’nung! What happened?!” He smirked at the same worry full look in your eyes that you always have when he comes home like this.

“It wasn’t that bad, just some random boys talking about you again.” he waved you off with a flick of his hand, trying to drop the conversation.

“They were talking about me? In a good or bad way.”

“both.”

You were confused for a second until you looked into his eyes and they had that familiar hint of jealousy in them. You decided not to talk about it any further knowing it would just make him more upset and instead dragged him onto the soft mat and went over to grab some of the healing ointments that you had ready for times like this.

You sat in front of him, wincing at the already purple bruise forming on his face as you started applying some of the green herbal paste over it. The combination of herbs and plants put into this mixture is meant to make healing much faster and less painful.

You’re too busy focusing on making sure that his wounds are tended to, you don’t even realise him staring right into your eyes.

He loves your eyes, they remind him of the warm sun that is constantly beaming on his face. He loves how if he stares close enough, he can see tiny specks of green in them making him think about the forest, your home, you’re always talking about.

As soon as you’re finished fixing him up your eyes meet his.

“What?” You say with a small smile on your face.

He watches as your nose scrunches up and your lips slightly hang open waiting for him to answer your question.

“Nothing, you’re just beautiful.” He tilts his head with a smirk.

“Oh nuh uh, that was so cheesy!” You playfully pushed his face away from yours as you got up to put all of the pastes and cloths back into their place.

He got up and followed after you slowly wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder. Thanks to your families genes, you were actually pretty tall for your age, that’s something you were grateful for as it came in handy a lot. Especially when you’re kissing and hugging your boyfriend, you can always wrap your arms comfortably around his neck or rest your head against his shoulder.

“Yawntu i’m tired, we should rest now.”

You turn your head to look outside, eclipse is nearing and you might as well start your day early tomorrow, besides your already tired from doing your daily chores and helping your siblings with theirs.

“Alright then, come on big boy.” You drag him over to your shared bed made from soft blankets and woven mats, a hammock was much to small for you both to share so you had to upgrade to this. You surely weren’t complaining though.

You both get comfortable, with his head resting against your chest, his head slowly rising for every breath you take.

It’s not long before you hear the soft snores coming out of your beloveds mouth, at first the sound was slightly annoying until you grew more and more tired and it ended up lulling you to sleep.

Throughout the night you both tossed and turned finding different positions to cradle each other in, but still never falling out of each other’s warm embrace.

MASTERLIST

[spider-jaysart]

Headcanon meme

Jon Kent

- sad headcanon (don’t have the emoji for it)

- happy headcanon (don’t have the emoji for it)

☠️- angry/violent headcanon

❤️ -family headcanon

☮️- friendship headcanon

♦️- quirks/hobbies headcanon

☯️- likes/dislikes headcanon

@gothicghost2000

Sad Headcanon:

After a very rough mission for the Superfam, which involved Kryptonite, Krypto was severely injured and had a bunch of Kryptonite shards stabbed into his back, arms, and legs. The poor dog had to get medical help asap. Jon cried so hard about it, thinking he was going to lose him. He felt like it was all his fault for not protecting him well enough too, since he was the one who was actually with Krypto during his part of the mission.

Clark and everyone else tried to comfort him though and told him he's not the one to blame for any of this, especially since he was also pretty injured too by some of the Kryptonite bullets that were shot by enemies. Jon retorted that it wasn't as bad as Krypto's injuries though, so he should've been stronger for him, but later tried to understand that he's not at fault after some more comforting from the Superfam. Hours went by as Krypto was still being aided, and he was still asleep after all of it was done, so everyone decided that while he was healing, they would come back later in the morning to check up on him again.

At the Kent house, while everyone was already asleep during the late night, Jon couldn't fall asleep at all, so he sneakily went to go see Krypto and layed down next to the sleeping dog, cuddled him, and fell out like that. The rest of the Superfam came back to check up on Krypto like they had planned and saw the adorable sight of them both, along with a happy surprise as well. Jon soon woke up to Krypto giving him doggy kisses on the face and was instantly over joyed to see that the Super dog was finally awake and in a happy mood like usual too.

Jon gave him the biggest loving hug that he could and laughed with bright happiness in him. The rest of the Superfamily even joined in on it too, creating a wholesome family hug between them all. Jon, including everyone else, were so glad to see that their wonderful dog was doing okay again.

Happy headcanon:

One time, during the summer, Jon was going to a weekly science class for fun by himself, but Chris could see that he would've liked it if he had company with him, so he decided to join him. He felt it would be another great way for them to spend time with eachother and thought it would be pretty cool to learn some things about science too. Jon was very happy with this news once he brought it up to him and was very excited that he was gonna be able to share one of his biggest interests with someone. The classes were for five weeks and they both ended up having a lot of fun there together. Chris learned a lot of interesting stuff from Jon and that class and Jon got to enjoy everything so much more than he thoight he would. This bonding time of theirs was one of the greatest ones they've had together as siblings.

Angry/violent headcanon:

After hitting puberty at the early age of 15, Jon didn't expect for it all to be so much more difficult than what the normal experience is for humans. Both of his ears would literally turn into the color blue, making him have to usually wear headphones to cover them up while in public or wear a beanie over them during school time, he would get very itchy underneath both his feet and under arms all the time and would look strange in front of others who aren't his family and friends whenever he repeatedly kept having to try to scratch those areas. He would also grow little pink hairs on his neck as well that would shed off, grow, shed off and repeat, so he had to sometimes wear one of Lois' scarf to hide it. He would always get so angry and fustrated having to deal with all of these super strange and annoying symptoms of Kryptonian puberty and hated the fact that he couldn't even really do much about them either

The only thing that he got similar to human puberty were zits, which would sometimes unexpectedly pop up in the most obvious places on his face, his forehead, chin and cheeks, except they would be slightly bigger than normal small ones.

One time, after getting too many mean comments from bullies for a week at school, he decided to just be brave and pop them. Kara thankfully caught him though and stopped him before he could even do anything. She told him popping Kryptonian zits is the last thing he would want to do since the puss would actually just explode all over the room and create a big gross mess for him to clean up, which would only just make things worse. It's something she had to learn the hard way when she was a teen herself after only popping just one in her bathroom.

She did know a way to calm them down though, and that was with an old Kryptonian recipe that she was taught as a kid. She tried her best to find similar enough ingredients to recreate it again and made it for Jon. He loved the taste of it, which Kara was glad to hear and she even decided to have a plate with him too because of how delicious it is

As he was enjoying the special homemade meal with Kara, the rest of Superfam came into the room and joined them. After getting comfortable, each of them later talked with Jon about their own past experiences back when they had to deal with Kryptonian puberty before too, having lots of laughs about it together. Even Lois, despite her being human, also brought up the old embarrassing moments she had to go through as a young girl as well during puberty.

After hours of chatting together, Jon's zits became smaller like how Kara promised they would after having the meal, which made Jon even happier. Jon began to feel much more better than before about everything that had been happening to him lately and was glad that his family spent time with him that day, sharing their own humiliating stories to help him cope.

The only good thing about all of this, besides that comforting day from his family, was that these crazy affects didn't last too very long for him, only for three months and then he was able to feel normal and a lot more like himself again.

Family headcanon:

When they were a little older (around junior high age), Chris went through a really bad break up with some girl from school over the phone one time and it had ended with a big argument between them (one that was started by her). He was left crying alone in his room after it happened. Jon had heard and saw everything and went to go comfort him. He told his older brother that the girl he was going out with was pretty toxic anyways and that he should realize he deserves better. Chris agreed with him on that, but still couldn't stop thinking about everything since it was still very distressing for him.

So Jon decided to make it a brothers hang out night just for them both, so that Chris can forget about his ex. Jon made big bowls of ice cream sundaes for them both to enjoy, put a few of their favorite movies on to watch together while sitting on Chris' bed and talking about a bunch of their favorite stuff, played some video games with eachother after that and laughed loudly with one another through it all, and later fell asleep hugging eachother.

Lois and Clark saw them both asleep like this, feeling proud of their youngest for being such a good brother to Chris during a hard time like this, and pulled the covers over them to keep warm, kissing them both goodnight on the forehead.

Friendship headcanon:

One time while hanging out and having a sleepover in Kathy's tree house with her, Maya, and Damian, Jon and them were having fun making many art crafts with a bunch of art supplies they had in a bucket. Their worked on peices ended up getting stolen though by a raccoon who just jumped in and left. They chased after the animal together but ended up getting unexpectedly stink sprayed at. Kathy, who was pretty upsetted by this, used her telekinesis to just yank their stuff out of the grip he had on them with his mouth and he ran away. They all went up to the Kent house to get cleaned up and Lois couldn't believe what a complete mess they looked like once she opened the door to them, seeing all four of the kiddos with little branches sticking out all over their hairs, dirt stains on each of their clothes, and then the yucky strong smell that followed them too. She quickly told Clark to bring all of the tomato sauce they had and let the kids take their separate baths. It took a while, but they successfully got all cleaned up in the end and were able to have a laugh with eachother about the crazy situation while sleeping in Jon's room for the night. It's a hilarious memory that none of them forget.

Quirks/hobbies headcanon:

Bites his nails a lot, always brushes his bangs or other parts of his curly hair out of his face a lot and puts it behind his ears, uses a lot of emojis or emoticons to express himself through text more and whenever he doesn't do it, it's easy for his brothers and friends to tell that something is actually wrong with him. He also mixes his meals with other kinds of foods a lot, which most times creates very weird combinations, but he enjoys them since his Kryptonian taste buds actually tastes things differently compared to a humans

Likes/Dislikes headcanon:

Likes:

Science, playing video games with others instead of just by himself all the time (can either be by playing in multiplayer or just having someone by his side to enjoy it with), loves Sunflowers, playing in the farm with his brothers and Krypto, doodling silly stuff in his notebook during class sometimes, talking to Kathy about boys since its fun lol, painting his nails sometimes, being around family and friends, Spider-Man, building Lego sets, especially with his brothers or friends.

Dislikes:

Whenever Kon double dips in sauces that they're supposed to be sharing whenever they're eating out together, since it grosses him out (Kon usually does this on purpose cause he knows that Jon wouldn't want it after that), hates writing, watching scary movies, retying his sneakers again, so he always leaves the shoelaces tied when taking them off and just slips his feet out instead and pushes them back on when going out again.

Thanks for the asks!!! :D

Here's a Jon doodle as a part of the ask too btw since I think it's really cute!

[dykevanny]

how do u see vanessa and vanny's relationship to each otherr (if they have one,,)

depends.

‘Vanny’ is someone vanessa has a complicated relationship to no matter what- wether it’s just a name william calls her or if I’m thinking about vanessa with a dissociative disorder- Vanny as an alter is cool as helll to me.

In that case, well. Vanny showed up when vanessa was still young as a protector, doing what she’s told because that’s what will keep vanessa safe, right? Except that soon enough that’s not the case at all, so after talking through their options, van runs away from home at 15. The two of them have a far more balanced relationship without constant threats, as you might imagine. They’re friends- vanny acts younger than vanessa, so she’s gotten into the habit of doting on the bun like a little sibling. ‘You liked that game? Well, we have time to kill, so…’ ‘hey, what was that food you liked the other day?’ Ness is under the impression she should make things up to van a little bit. She looked after ness for this long, after all..

In their killer rabbit arc though. Things get tough. William was very surprised to see TWO vans rather than one but he uses this to his advantage. To vanessa, he acts more doting, but he’s also subtly threatening a lot of the time. Not so subtle at the time of the emails. Vanny is the one he’s usually around when child murder is occurring- she has to keep those bad memories away from vanessa, after all! And while vanny certainly doesn’t want to do this, she knows what to do in a situation like this. It’s like when she and ness were kids. Do what you’re told and you’ll be okay. Follow orders and you won’t be punished. But even vanny tends to break down. She never wanted this. Vanessa is still suffering, anyhow. William often has to take over when it comes to actually killing.

Post sb-Hw2 era they have a lot to work through, but they’re helping each other heal. Gregory and freddy’s presence is also helpful. Vanny and ness make their appearance theirs again- short hair as per Nessie’s request, and rainbow dye for vanny, of course! With a clothing style they both enjoy and feel comfortable in. Vanessa is the one who decides to don the mask once more to get rid of will for good, and though vanny is hesitant at first she agrees. Killing that glitch is the best way to keep Nessie and the rest of her little family safe, after all.

[osarina]

As a dazi kinnie myself I personally hc dazai that when he was younger, he loved being alone and away from any problems or drama. He loved being alone and doing things he liked without anyone's disturbance or their misunderstandings of him with his mind aiding him. When he grew up into a bad environment and also when Mori found him, recruited him to mafia and stuff, he didn't have much time to be alone and even when he was it no longer felt comforting. Fast forward to Ada dazai, now he spends time with others just so he can escape the loneliness in his life but still retreats after some time as he questions if he is eligible to be 'human' with others. Now he doesn't like that much being alone. The silence only reminds him of people he cared about leaving him to be well, alone. The once helpful mind of his became too noisy to even bare it, still running out of constant use from when he worked in mafia. His brain both worn down and well-oiled trapping him in an endless loop.

And then you come with waterfall like laughters and amazing music taste, actually for once distracting from his cage like mind and make him crave once again, not for being alone but for being with you :> for all thse years he tried finding a perfect drug to silence his mind either temporarily or eternally but he then found you, and decided eternally by being with you ^^

The first part is my hc and for the second one, I included your self ship. This is also based of my personal experience and my prespective of him so don't judge too hard 😅

P.s wishing you an awesome day!

omg ... one day im gonna make a longpost talking about my headcanons for dazai's past, but ill talk about it a bit now. so i hc that like in canonverse, dazai was one of the youngest of a bunch of a siblings (inspired by NLH) and that his ability manifested at a young age & there were other ability users in his family, and they didn't like the way his ability deprived them of theirs, so he was pretty isolated from the rest of his siblings and his parents. and he was so lonely, but he forced himself to find solace in being alone bc he didn't want to be upset over it. eventually he grew somewhat dependent on it and found himself almost uncomfortable when surrounded by too many people. i also hc that he only took the shipping container because it was far away from people & most people wouldn't dare go looking for him there. eventually he became used to being around people again (chuuya, oda, ango, hirotsu, and in our au, pmreader) but then again, it was ripped away when he defected and he had to readjust to being alone again and then AGAIN he was surrounded by people with the agency and this time by people who were unfailingly GOOD and so different than him, and he just can't help but think too much about it, doubting himself, doubting his ability to fulfill oda's request, doubting everything and no matter how hard he tries, he can't silence it. AND YESSSSSSS you come alone and you're just such a haven for him and he's so scared to start relying on you because he's become reliant once and it was ripped away from him, but he just can't help himself :'))) i adore him sm ill die

[heliads]

Family Woes

Based on this request: "Willa has a younger sister y/n and her and the wolf pack are overprotective and y/n can't leave their sight. So y/n runs away and the pack finds her and they make up and live happily ever after"

masterlist

Willa Lykensen is at her wit’s end trying to get this pack in order. She was never supposed to take it this far. Willa was nominated temporary leader of the werewolves when their moonstones were at an all time power shortage and everyone was sick. Sure, she did a decent job of getting everyone back in order, but they came pretty close to not coming out on top. 

Willa always assumed that once things were better, responsibility would leave her shoulders. The problem is that such a time has come again and again, and passed by just as quickly. Willa still remains in this position, slightly separated from everyone else yet unaware of how to get back to whoever she had been before all this. Willa tries to relinquish power, but no one takes it, and so she keeps on going anyway.

Sometimes she feels like a train that’s lost control, a great mass of steel and destruction hurtling at a thousand miles per hour towards the rocky unknown. Willa keeps slamming the brakes but nothing ever happens to stop her. At some point, she’s going to make a bad call and the pack is going to suffer, but until that moment, all Willa can do is keep pulling one Hail Mary after another to make sure her people stay alive and relatively unharmed.

So far, all is mostly well. They managed to find the moonstone and the werewolves were able to recharge their necklaces. They could even all take up homes in Seabrook and finally stop living on the outskirts of a place that had once been theirs. Willa goes to school, she makes friends, she learns enough in her books to realize that a kid like her shouldn’t have the job that she does.

At the same time, Willa has to admit that she sort of likes feeling important. Belonging is important to any werewolf, and she is no exception. It is something wonderful to feel wanted, needed even, but the stress is starting to tear her asunder. Willa looks in the mirror and swears a thousand times that she can do this. The reflection, a girl who could probably be her, mouths the same words back, but it’s far less believable when she’s looking herself in the eyes.

Willa’s friends seem to have confidence in her, which is nice. Willa would never dare show a single sign of weakness, but having her friends and family desert her might be her last straw. Wyatt stays by Willa’s side, and even the zombies and humans are able to offer up willing shoulders to lean on if she needs it.

There is one person that’s not entirely on Willa’s side, though. Although Willa does her best to run both the pack and her family, one of her closer relatives seems to stifle under Willa’s leadership instead of growing by it. Y/N, Willa’s younger sister, becomes more and more troublesome by the hour.

That’s what it feels like, at least. Willa asks Zed time and time again if it seems like she’s being too harsh on her younger sister, seeing as Zed is used to having a supernatural younger sister, but he assures her otherwise every time. Willa treats Y/N the same way as the rest of the pack, he sees no concern there.

Still, Willa feels differently. Willa tries to talk to Y/N almost every day, maybe even every hour, but Y/N shuts her down every time. Sometimes the missed connections just result in a sort of awkwardness that isn’t supposed to happen between siblings, other times it leads to fights that lead in one or both of the girls storming out until they pretend nothing happened for a temporary truce.

Willa tries, she really does. It’s just hard when Willa remembers what it had been like when they were younger. Willa swears there was a time in which the sisters actually did get along. It was them against the world, playmates and schoolmates and friends who could tell each other anything. It seems the changing of the times has split them apart as surely as only a difference in years truly can.

Previously, Willa had not been aware of the fact that she was getting older. The knowledge came incrementally, of course; new shoes were outgrown, jeans rose above her ankles, but all those signs could be ignored if one tried hard enough. It took more solid proof for her to come to grips with the fact that she was no longer quite so young and naive as she once had been. 

Willa rereads old books that had been her favorites and scoffs at the juvenile attitudes of the characters. Her sister tells Willa that she no longer acts the same way, even though Willa has no idea what would have been different in her attitude nor how to fix it. 

The only thing Willa can do is try to watch out for her sister. Willa doubles her focus, hoping that maybe making her sister feel important will build more bridges than it burns. The opposite happens; every time Willa shows a clear indication of trying to watch out for Y/N, the other girl recoils from Willa’s every move.

It all comes to a head about six months after the werewolves find the moonstone and move into Seabrook for good. Y/N came home several hours later after school without telling anyone that she wouldn’t be on time. Willa was pacing around the house when Y/N finally showed up.

Although Y/N tried to act like nothing was the matter, the guilty duck of her head when she opened the door to find Willa waiting for her was as sure a sign as any that she knew something was wrong.

Willa doesn’t wait for pleasantries, she never has. “Where were you?”

“Good to see you too,” Y/N mumbles, clearly annoyed, “Thanks for asking about my day, it was wonderful. How was yours?”

“Don’t try and play around,” Willa fires back, “you’re late. What happened?”

Y/N shrugs. “I was talking to a friend and we stayed late to study. No big deal.”

Y/N tries to move past, but Willa blocks her way. “Not so fast. You have to tell me about these sorts of things, you know. I had no idea where you were. For all I knew, you could have been hurt somewhere and in need of help.”

“Or I could have been just fine,” Y/N counters, “which is what happened. Seriously, calm down. I’m what, a couple of hours late? It’s not even dark outside yet.”

“You should be happy it’s not dark,” Willa argues, “if it was, I would have sent out some of the pack to search for you. You have to realize that this isn’t okay.”

Y/N scoffs. “That’s crazy. I’m allowed to have some freedom, you know.”

Willa folds her arms across her chest. “That freedom doesn’t involve giving me a heart attack every other day because you decide to do stuff like this. Come on, how hard is it to just text me?”

Y/N groans. “It shouldn’t even matter. You’re so overprotective, same as the rest of the pack. Just let me have a little bit of breathing room.”

Willa arches a brow. “Overprotective? We’re trying to watch out for you. You’re still a kid, Y/N.”

“And you aren’t?” Y/N asks pointedly, “I’m just trying to live my life. I’m sure you did the same thing as me when you were my age.”

“You shouldn’t have to do the same things as me, because I’m trying to protect you from all that,” Willa counters, “I want you to have a normal life.”

“If you want me to be normal, you have to stop being such a helicopter parent,” Y/N replies, clearly frustrated. “Just leave me alone.”

Willa isn’t willing to let this go quite so easily. “Not a chance. You’re too young to be doing all this. We’re not done until we can agree on a solution to that.”

Y/N lets out an angry breath. “You really can’t let that go?”

“No, I can’t,” Willa says, “Not until you realize that your bad choices are going to get you killed.”

“At least then I wouldn’t be as ridiculously uptight as you,” Y/N spits out, “you’re a pain to be around. I’m sick of being in this house.”

This time, instead of trying to escape to a different room, Y/N turns around and leaves again. Willa moves to stop her, but it’s too late, her sister’s already hurrying back away into the street. In seconds, she’s turned a corner and is out of sight.

Wyatt appears down the hall. “I heard shouting, what was that about?”

Willa groans. “I’ve messed things up with Y/N. She says we’re too overprotective.”

Wyatt grimaces. “She might be right there. I know you’re just trying to keep her safe, but everyone needs a little bit of space to grow into their own person.”

“I wish you’d told me that a little earlier,” Willa sighs, “she looked mad.”

Willa holds out hope that Y/N will realize she overreacted and come home, but even after night falls, there’s no sign of her younger sister. To make herself feel better, Willa pretends that Y/N’s just spending the night with a friend, but after a few discreet texts to Addison and Bree, she finds out otherwise. Wherever she is, Y/N is with no friends of theirs.

That does it. Willa rallies a few sympathetic werewolves and sets out as a search party. The wolves have always been good hunters, and within the span of about an hour or so of stalking through the woods surrounding Seabrook, Wyatt tugs gently on Willa’s arm.

“Over there,” he whispers.

Willa nods gratefully at him and sets over. Out of the corner of her eyes, she can see Wyatt quietly alerting the other werewolves that it’s alright. The others start to leave, but Wyatt lingers in the background just in case.

Y/N is walking through the forest, either heedless of the surrounding darkness or just choosing to ignore it. She doesn’t flinch when Willa calls out her name, just squares her shoulders and keeps walking.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” she says.

Willa sighs. “But I want to talk to you. I’m sorry, Y/N. Really, I am. I was wrong to try to be so overprotective. You deserve your space. I was just scared that you’d get hurt.”

Y/N laughs bitterly. “You’re just saying that to try and get me to go back to the house.”

“Partially,” Willa admits, “but also it’s true. If you want to go have a sleepover at a friend’s house to get away from me, fine. I just don’t want you to be mad at me the whole time.”

Y/N stops walking, which Willa takes as a small victory. “Really?” She asks doubtfully.

“Really,” Willa says. “Of course, I’m hoping you will just come home, but if you’re with a friend, that still means someone’s watching out for you. It doesn’t always have to be me.”

An irritated look flashes over Y/N’s face. “See, that’s the same thing. You’re still overprotective.”

“I probably always will be,” Willa confesses, “that’s the problem. Do you remember when everyone was so sick because we couldn’t find the moonstone? I was so terrified of losing you that it never really left me. I know I can be annoying, but it’s all I really know. You keep running off and it freaks me out for the same reason.”

Y/N’s expression softens. “Willa, I had no idea,” she begins.

Willa nods mechanically. “You weren’t supposed to know. Guess I wanted you to keep seeing me as a totally cool older sister. Problem is, that can get pretty frustrating. I know that now.”

Y/N stays silent for what could be just a few minutes, but feels more like an eternity or two. “Alright,” she says at last, “I’ll go back. Just promise that you’ll back off more.”

“I’ll try,” Willa promises. She thinks she might stick by it, too.

Only on securing that compromise does Y/N turn around and begin heading back towards home. Willa falls in behind her, but not before flashing Wyatt a thumbs up so he can go too. It might be crazy hard trying to run this pack, but at least Willa can count on her family. That is everything.

requested by @nev20, hope you enjoy!

disney tag list: @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie

[starwarsanthropology]

Ordo and/or Maze for the headcanon game <3

i am very excited to put these motherfuckers in a jar and shake

Ordo

Headcanon A:  realistic

He’s a huge snacker. Loves 2 munch and snack moreso even than the other clones, who are all Noted Lovers Of Food. If he learned to bake or cook he would  have little finger-food type snacks on hand at every available opportunity, like muffins or cookies or little savory puff pastry bite type things. Will share if he has lots, and enjoys the compliments (or if he didnt make it, might bask in Caretaker Pride), but if he only has a little he gets really food defensive. I think the minute he gets the aging cure and his metabolism slows down he starts to get a little chubby bc he’ll eat for pleasure instead of just the food is fuel mentality all of them learned on rations. Teasing results in a (credible) threat to be banned from home cooking forever.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

As he gets older and sees more of the world (and gets therapy yessir) he stops putting so much stake in Kal’s opinions (of both him and others) starts viewing Kal’s bullshit social views and his “family values” stuff especially as silly and kind of rote prattle. Very “sure grandpa, let’s get you to bed”. On the other hand as soon as his brothers say some shit it’s on sight. He is going to train them out of casual misogyny if it kills them.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

I think that as much as he does love Kal and does know he and the other Nulls are loved by Kal, he intentionally places himself as a buffer between them. It started as habit on Kamino, because they were all protecting each other from the Kaminoans, and when Kal adopted them Ordo got the most immediate focus, which let the others build up their trust and boundaries in their own time in a way Ordo didn’t really get to have, partially bc Kal had earmarked Ordo as the ‘leader’ of the group. And then even when he was their buir, he was still the only reason they were alive instead of decommissioned or reconditioned, so Ordo was constantly trying to run interference so he’d get blame, because Kal is bad at not playing favorites, and Ordo was kind of the favorite. Obviously there was never any risk of anything but being yelled at and running extra drills, but it took a long time to internalize that. Even as an adult, part of him is still really stuck into this role, where he and Kal both see himself as sort of his brothers’ keeper, and it actually stresses him out a lot, not that he really recognizes that until he starts to unlearn the habits. The rest of the nulls are all aware of this and are varying levels of okay with it, amused by it, and bothered by it. If he didn’t have this formative experience I think he’d have settled into a middle brother role with a side of still being overprotective of his siblings.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

I think he is a bratty bottom in his heart of hearts.  He needs a chance to be unrestrained and Bad tm and to be rewarded and praised when he’s good and for his partner to work for him to give them control by prooving that they aren’t going to toss him away when he isn’t compliant and useful to them. Also hes so used to being in charge and in a position of responsibility he deserves to hand himself over to someone and get fucked so good he cries about it

Maze: I don’t have very many out there thoughts on Maze. he seems like he has his shit together moreso than just about anyone else in Republic Commandos its very funny to me that he keeps being cast as like. Having arguments in opposition to the protaganists bc i think his points make more sense than theirs

Headcanon A:  realistic

One of the more emotionally intelligent and self-aware clones. I do not think this is because he’s inherently good at emotions though I think he used to repress the shit out of them but he’s pragmatic enough that once the war started and he noticed his preformance slipping he went and got himself, if not a therapist, some psychology readings and at-home exercises for like. processing emotions and stress and navigating both workplace and personal relationships. Half of it is irrelevant to him but he gets a lot of milage out of some of the tools to manage frustration and interpersonal communication. 

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

As one of the more patient alphas, I think Maze was often tasked to wrangle younger cadets and therefore has a grade-A Teacher Voice as well as a grade-A Command Voice. He does not use it often bc he learned it for like. baby cadets who cry when u yell at them and need to be treated more gently, but sometimes when he’s really tired and/or has been interacting w kids you’ll get Teacher Maze with higher pitched, gentler voice, pitched to carry exactly as much as when he’s booming orders, saying things like “Alright everyone, it’s curfew and you have to get to bed now!”. Hilariously, almost everyone under his command find it scarier than the Command Voice bc they think he’s being passive aggressive and are terrified to find out what happens if you cross Teacher Mode Maze. Really he’s just out of it, did the wrong code switch, and is more likely to give someone a pat on the head reflexively than anything else. 

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

i honestly can’t think of anything. Maze seems so practical and reliable to me I can’t think of anything heart-crushing compared to the horror that order 66 must have been for him

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Not a headcanon but I want him to have those gamer girl cat ear headphones so bad

[goodfully]

what another insane cliffhanger... my goodness, okay finished with the second book!!!! i just need to ramble a bit.

since i just finished it, i have thoughts on nino.. tbh i was quite fond of him initially but then he got increasingly unbearable haha the way he... says to lenu that since childhood he imagined a life where he, lenu, and lila would be together, and then.. uhm wow..! where the hell does he go! hahaha well maybe ill feel differently about him in the next book.

ngl tho, esp during that part with the elena/lila/nino drama, i was so stressed.. it just kept going!!! and kept feeling like so much!!!! wow. i had just kept thinking that theyd all best sit down and be honest with their feelings for each other and then form a poly relationship and run away together or something idk hahaha

okay i think one of my most favorite things about this book is how important every character feels. obviously we have lenu and lila, but like the rest of the cast?? they were not just some random childhood friends mentioned in the first book, they all are growing up too and are experiencing lives of their own. i think this book, more than in the first book, showed a lot of parent/child relationships, mm like how much we fear to become our parents.. to be inevitably trapped in the same fate as theirs. its in my mind a lot, about how much the things that happened to my own parents affect me. ahh elenas relationship with her mother.. despite how badly she wishes to not become like her mother, i think she does see her strength and her care for her... (oh god, like when she was sick and her mom comes out of nowhere?? and i think she was torn between feeling embarrassed by her and how capable her mother really was) oh and things like both antonio and ada becoming in different ways like their mother, stefano resembling don achille, lila fearing her son will be stupid, etc and ofc also just... the weight on all of their shoulders to.. hurry up and grow up? ahh. ///tw death tw suicide/// for the peluso siblings to witness their father be literally dragged out their house in front of them for allegedly murdering another man, hearing about his death in prison, busting the door down and seeing their mother hang herself. for the cappuccio siblings to only have their mother, who needed her children to care of her and her mental state more than she could take care of them. hhhh

that reminds me, the whole book i was hoping for more enzo content hahaha we really barely know anything about him at this point but i adore him. and he is there now! altho i wonder how much more we'll hear of him in the next books.

oh yeah, lila talking crazily about educating all the children to make a change starting with their generation... just like me for real... this is pretty much the main reason i studied early education hahaha its silly now when i think about it, but i used to feel like my skull was breaking from how much i felt i needed to find a way to take care and educate of all the children in the world in order to make some sort of difference... to find a way to get every single child to experience love and care from a loving and caring family... god. anyway i mean i still do believe that taking care of and educating the young ppl of our generation can change the world somehow, but it was just rather.. sad? seeing lila go crazy about her son and her very real fear for her son, that he might become like her and her family, unable to escape violence and poverty.

all this talk about a book centered on elena and not a single word about lenu yet ahhh my bad! oh i want to talk about her years at the university, and... gosh. just knowing you just lack something that your classmates from a rich family and background have that youll never have... even tho she quite literally graduated with top scores, she never felt fully capable? never felt enough? the need to work so hard to suppress herself in order to be okay in that city?? aghfh

alright, the ending! with her realizing that her novel (that she described as something that was truly hers to pietro) was basically born out of and deeply connected to lilas blue fairy book... god!!!!! what the hell!!!!! my goodness. she quite literally describes how theyre soulmates, how theyre connected by an invisible thread, how much they mustnt lose each other anymore. and when they finally met again and she finally realizes that "in the world there is nothing to win, that her life was full of varied and foolish adventures as much as mine, and that time simply slipped away without any meaning, and it was good just to see each other so often to hear the mad sound of the brain of one echo in the mad sound of the brain of the other." sobs. i think throughout most of the book, i so desperately wanted the two of them to just... be okay and stop being in constant war with themselves for each other.. but anyway wow, even tho for this second book the two of them arent with each other most of the time, the way their relationship is so hhhhh described so well and is always relevant, its so real wow its so real.

okay done... mm i was thinking that lenu is probably the more relatable character, but i think i identify a lot more with lila? not really bc of her life or the way acts, but the way she thinks maybe? the way she feels about ppl? idk actually, but its probably affecting the way im reading the series. mm starting tmr i wont have as much time as i do now to read, but im hoping i get through the next two books before the end of next month at least!

[sorrow-already-spoiled]

To All the Ones I’ve Loved Before

Malakai Perish

Malakai, you were the first person I ever loved. My brother, my twin, the other half of my soul, my anchor. Our childhood living arrangements were so absent of affection that I swear only the burning warmth in my heart that came with your unconditional love kept me from freezing to death in that house. On the worst of days, the ones where I faced the iron of Alexsandra’s wrath, you were always there beside me. We would pick up the pieces together, in the cramped space beneath my bed. We would dream of the day we could run away from there together. Away from our absent father, abusive mother and elder siblings. Our pinky promise upheld to the bitter end. 

The day we turned 16 we packed our bags and slipped away in the night. Even with all my expensive tastes, I still sometimes miss that wreck of an apartment we spent the first few years in, with its rat infestation and broken heater that left us clinging together for warmth. How could I be cold, knowing that I would never be alone? That you loved me? You took some awful work (we both did) to make us enough money to have real stability. It wasn’t easy, but I was never scared, because for the first time in our life we had a home to always return to. I may not believe in any gods, but I am forever grateful to whatever force in the universe decided that you and I would be together in this life, and every other one too. 

                                          Love, the light to your shadow, Faye

Quinn Feratra

Quinn, meeting you was a workplace hazard. I was freshly 18, with a full face of makeup and more skin exposed than covered. The casino floor was some god awful patterned carpet that would have been tasteless when it was new in the 80’s. The place reeked of spilled spirits and arrogance. Rich men with wedding rings tucked away in their back pockets let wandering eyes crawl across me. It felt like punishment, and I could admit in quiet midnights that part of me was desperate just to feel something. It was laughably easy to link my arm though one of theirs, to smile with fluttered eyelashes and cheer at their victories. 

“Come home with me,” they would whisper.

“Handsome, my time isn’t cheap,” a flirtatious wink, “am I worth it?”

They always said I was. At the time I was sure it wasn’t true. 

Excusing myself to “freshen up for you, baby,” I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror, manicured nails pressing sharply against the dull marble. Rent was due soon. If I had played that man well enough, maybe I could have gotten ahead of the payments, let Malakai rest for even a few days. It would have broken his heart if he knew what ‘working night shift at a casino’ really meant. I squeezed my eyes shut to stop the frustrated tears from welling up in my eyes. 

“Bad night?” You were standing at the sink next to mine, washing your hands. I felt my heart skip a beat. I had thought I was alone. 

“It’s fine.” I snapped at you. 

  “...bullshit.” 

“Excuse me?” You rested your hip against the counter, turning to look at me with quietly observant eyes. 

“I said bullshit. It’s clearly not fine.”

“And what gives you, a complete stranger, the right?” Indignation burned in my chest, furious at my own transparency. You offered me your hand.

“Quinn Feratra. And I don’t think you should go home with that creep you were all over out there.” Somehow I found myself going home with you instead, the guilt of unpaid bills hanging over my heart. 

Back then, time with you was always stolen. Every moment I spent with you was a moment I was afraid Mal and I would be evicted, or that we wouldn’t have enough money for the month. I was tearing myself in half trying to balance the happiness I felt spending time with you and the things I did to ensure stability for Mal and I. Money was always an issue, and I constantly had to lie or hide things from both you and my brother. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and horribly insecure. The more exhausted I got, the less energy I could afford to spend convincing myself I was important, not when I would rather spend that energy on you. I recognize in retrospect how flawed that mindset was. When you finally managed to pin me down for a conversation, I turned it into an argument, which then turned into bitter frustrations. I was the one to run. 

“You knew what I was when we met, so don’t blame me.”

“Faye, I’m not–”

“Don’t bother. I’m done with this.” The door to your apartment slammed with finality, and I felt hollow. Only when that door was closed did I recognize I was in love with you, but it was too late. I couldn’t go back, and I felt I couldn’t be enough for someone as wholly good as you. I cried myself to sleep in Malakai’s arms, refusing to answer his unspoken questions. I did not allow myself to cry again. 

With love and a heavy heart, Faye

Jemon Morale

Jem, you were warm enough to melt the frost I’d built up. A few years later Mal and I had saved enough for a decent apartment, and I was even able to go back to school, working towards an accounting certification. I was meticulous with money, and Mal had suggested I turn it into a career. It wasn’t exciting, but it was stable, and I enjoyed the routine. I crunched pennies to feel less guilty about rewarding myself with cheap coffees at a little coffee shop near our home. Headphones in, I would crunch out a week's worth of homework in the hours between class and closing time. 

A small plate set down onto the table softly, drawing my attention upwards to your lovely green eyes. 

“Sorry to disturb you, you just work so hard every time I see you in here, I thought you deserved something for it?” A perfect croissant drizzled in decadent chocolate and powdered sugar rested on the pale blue plate. 

“Oh, I couldn’t take this, I haven’t paid for it.” You smiled.

“Consider it a favor then, you’re taste testing for me.” Your name tag read ‘Jim’. “I’m apprenticing as a baker here, and I have permission to experiment with recipes. It would be great to know what customers think of my creations.” Your crooked grin and earnest eyes convinced me to take the croissant, and the myriad of treats you brought to me each week after that. 

You would sit with me on your break, endlessly warm, with no expectations whatsoever. When you asked if I would consider going for dinner with you, I said yes without hesitation. When you asked if you could kiss me, I said yes without hesitation. When you were offered an apprenticeship with a patisserie in France, I told you to say yes without hesitation. I loved you, and wanted nothing more than for you to follow your dreams, and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I loved you enough to let you go. I drove you to the airport, and didn’t hide my tears when you made me promise not to wait for you. A part of my heart went with you to France, but I felt more whole than before I met you. You eventually moved home with a man you met abroad who looks like an honest to god pirate, and I’m still blessed to have you in my life, as a dear, dear friend. I don’t regret losing you Jem, because loving you was the first chance I had at a healthy romance. You convinced me that there was still goodness in the world, that love was more than pain and promises. You convinced me I was worth loving, and I’ll be forever grateful. 

Love from your biggest fan, Faye

Lövi Lævateinn

Lovi, meeting you was like being swept up in a windstorm. Until I learned to move the way you move, smile the way you smile, I would just be swept off my feet and helpless. We clicked instantly. Something about 8:00AM classes will do that to people. It took me a while to figure out what you were doing in an 8:00AM biology class (fuck having to take a lab science in any degree, honestly), when as far as I could tell your degree was in philosophy. Then I realized any time not spent gossiping with me about what professors we thought were hot, was spent staring at the back of Laufi Illphelkiir’s head. 

I helped you practice your ‘dramatic love confession’, holding a hairbrush like a microphone and a pile of laundry in your dorm room as a ‘token of your most sincere affections’. I hate that the background music you chose to set the scene to was Careless Whisper. I swore I was going to burst a lung, I laughed so hard that night. You have made me laugh more than anyone else in my life. 

After Laufi told you about his condition, how his illness prevented him from feeling any affection towards you as he simply didn’t have the energy for a relationship, you came to me for comfort. I would have never turned you away. When that comfort turned physical, I was still happy to be there with you through it. After all, what are friends for? I hope you never worried it was transactional, like those men at the casino that I quietly told you about one night while stargazing. I don’t love you the way I’d loved Quinn or Jem. It wasn’t romantic. It isn't how I love Mal either. It’s the kind of love that is so pure and platonic and unconditional that I can’t possibly explain. I know I don’t have to though. You understand. 

Love, your dumbass, Faye

Kumo Hipeitseilg

Kumo, you were a joy. I’d never dated someone younger than me, and to say that I was taken by surprise when a complete stranger asked me out to dinner would be an understatement. You approached me in the hall of the university math wing, and asked without shame, pressing a sketch into my hands. It was me, drawn with burning angel wings, powerful and beautiful. How could I have said no? 

Dinner was a strange affair, and I could feel how out of practice I was at this. It had been years since my last real date, but it wasn’t awkward. We people watched, and tried to imagine what the people at other tables were doing. You do a shockingly good impression of someone with a lisp. It makes you sound so much younger and unassuming, it’s crazy. 

Dating you was fun. Each time we met we did something interesting, and playful. Spending time with you made me feel young again, like I could play at being the child I never got to be. Falling in love with you was fun.

You always shied away from intimacy. I worried I might be being too pushy, but the longer time went on, the more strange it felt. I was content to wait, but then you started to feel different, like the energy you were pushing out into the universe had changed. When you finally sat me down and explained that you thought that maybe you weren’t attracted to women in a physical way at all, it made sense. Our relationship wasn’t a romantic one for you, it was a friendship. I thought I would be mad, but you looked so terrified in that moment that all I felt was affection and a desire to protect you. 

So we ended our relationship, and began a friendship instead. It took some time for my feelings to change, but I wasn’t willing to lose you entirely. We make a pretty good duo either way, Kumo. I hope you find someone who is everything you’re looking for.  As for me, the drawing you gave me the day we met is still displayed on my wall.

Love, your friend, Faye

Lewellyn V’lain

Lewellyn, I never told you how I felt. Even as I write this letter, I know you’ll never read it, and that's good. You lived in the apartment across from Mal and I. Honestly, we’d been living there for 6 months without running into you. You were quiet as a mouse, and kept odd work hours as an assistant in your mother’s lab. Honestly, it was surprising that we hadn’t met earlier, considering you were an old friend of Lovi’s. I had heard lots about you, but it was a coincidence that we met. 

I had forgotten my key, and Mal had his phone turned off at work, and you happened to be coming home just then. You let me stay in your apartment until he got home. Somehow, your place felt stagnant. It was decorated nicely, and it was tidy, but something about it felt stuck. I couldn’t put my finger on it. What I could see however, was the bone deep exhaustion you carried with you, and the debilitating insecurity that I was so familiar with in myself. I’d had love and support around me for the better part of a decade before we met, and the way you rejected kindness made me sure that you’d never had any at all. You never talked about your family. Never talked about your attempts. You were all sharp edges and biting words, and yet, you had a way of getting under people’s skin. People liked you, even if they hated it. I fell for you hard, and I wanted so badly to help you, but I knew you would only bite the hand I offered you. 

You might not have been willing to try for yourself, but damn if you don’t look after my brother. Somehow you saw right through his facade to the real him. I watched him fall in love with you, and I’m watching as you try to be worthy of him. It’s like looking in a mirror at myself 10 years ago. 

I’m making a vow to let you love my brother instead, to never breathe a word of my own feelings, and to be your friend instead. 

I’m getting tired of having friends instead. I so desperately want that intimacy that everyone else seems to have, but I want it to be real. To feel real. 

With unrequited love, Faye

Faye Feratra

My wife, my love, my past, my future. I’ve never been very good with words, or the written word, but I found your collection of letters in a box under your side of the bed, and I wanted to answer you in kind somehow. 

Watching you walk away that day was one of the worst of my life. I started gambling again. I was a mess by the time Varm stepped in and made me clean myself up. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. I had no idea what your circumstances were back then, and I’m still furious at myself that I didn’t ask. I could have found a way to make your life a little easier. But I just let you walk away, and I didn’t follow. 

I dated a few people after you, but nothing stuck. When I ran into you six years after you walked out, you could have knocked me over with a feather. You looked so different. You walked with purpose, with your head held high. Your eyes had a lightness to them that they never had before, even when you were happy. You caught sight of me, and froze. I thought you would run again. But instead you steadied yourself and sat down at my table. 

“I hope it isn’t too late to give you an explanation.” I remember numbly shaking my head, and listening to you tell the long obscured truth of back then. The prostitution, the rent payments of a shit apartment, the abusive family, and the crippling need for stability. You didn’t ask me to forgive you, but I did anyway. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” you said, “It hurt me too, but I wouldn’t change meeting you anyways. I hope things have been going well for you.” You got halfway down the street before I managed to catch up with you. 

We dated for a year before I finally convinced you to move in with me. Two years after that I proposed, and you were furious that I had beat you to it. Our poor wedding planner nearly quit from the stress you put her through, but it turned out perfect. We saved enough to buy a house on the outskirts of the city, one with enough room to expand. Room we needed, as we began to adopt. Nine kids was enough to keep us busy. They’ve all grown up into their own people so quickly. I can see you in them, you know. In the way they talk, the way they smile, the way they love. 47 years of marriage is an accomplishment you know, even if I would have liked it to be longer. When you left us, it was surrounded by our family, and with my hand in yours. 

All the people you loved before were all still in your life, they were all here today for your funeral. I had no idea how deeply you loved each of them. I’m so proud to know that the woman I love was capable of giving so much of her heart away again and again, and that somehow I was the one who got to keep you. I don’t know how I’m going to stand waking up tomorrow to find your side of the bed cold and empty, but I will. I’m going to stay until the end of my time, spoil our kids, love our family. I’m going to survive losing you, because I’m so absolutely certain I’m going to see you again on the other side. I love you so much Faye. 

  Your first and last love, Quinn Feratra

[mwolf0epsilon]

To Heal is to Grow

Summary: Sometimes the healing process coves with some interesting changes.

[Dogma healing arc.]

THIS STORY IS NOW ON AO3

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"There's nothing wrong with you." They say in that all-too-knowing kindly and patient voice of theirs. The one they used on the newest arrivals who'd only just earned their paint by trial of fire.

It's a tone he's all too intimately familiar with. They had used it often enough when both he and his twin came to them, shrinking in on themselves due to their constant anxiety. The looming terror they felt whenever they considered what may happen to them if they couldn't pass the final test. If it turned out they just weren't good enough to ever leave their stormy nest.

"There has to be..." He responds while his hands rest on his lap. Resting on the much too large gut that's attached to too wide hips and plump chest. Both of which are attached to too round limbs.

All of him as become more than it used to be, and he's not entirely sure he knows how to feel about this. How to explain what it feels like to wake up one day and find his body so... Different from what he remembers.

"The others... They're on the same medication and this hasn't happened to them." He shakes his head, looks up at his older sibling's smiling face, and swallows the nervous lump in his throat. He can feel the way his flesh wobbles from the movement of his Adam's apple and that definitely feels weird now that he's aware of it.

"It doesn't happen to everyone." They insist, clearly at ease with this issue. They seem very sure of themselves that everything is ok despite the proof saying otherwise. "It may seem odd, but not everyone has the same response to the same medications."

"Yes, but we're clones." He adds, brow furrowed and lips quirked downwards in a tight little frown. It's the one thing that hasn't changed about him. The frowning. It still looks the same.

Even so he finds it more difficult to find reason not to smile most days. It's very very odd to say the least. But not unpleasant.

"Rhythm is allergic to gluten." Sponge smiles, and that should be odd too. They never used to smile back when they were still with the 501st. But nowadays he's seen them with a peaceful look on their face, rather than that disgruntled and sour look he'd grown accustomed to seeing them with. "Fox is lactose intolerant. Lich is allergic to pollen, Pretty Boy to tooka fur..."

"None of them have gotten fat without noticing, Sponge..." And he looks back down at his lap and feels the creeping sensation of heat coloring his cheeks at his own blunt statement.

Dogma never imagined gaining weight would be a side-effect his meds might saddle him with. More than half of the Guard Remnant were on the same prescription to help them deal with the scars of their troubled pasts. None of them had filled out the way he had. None of them had so much as mentioned that he'd gotten bigger either.

His body, his appearance, altered without him ever even realizing it was happening in front of his own eyes. And somehow it didn't feel as bad as he thought it should? It was hard to explain...

A small part of him thinks he should be upset, furious even, or perhaps a little horrified that he could be so inattentive.

This part he knows is the one he's tried to bury deep inside himself. The one that was still the foolish soldier who'd been tricked into fighting his own brothers. The one that the 501st had resented so much that they'd found it easy to say the things they'd said about him behind his back. The person he no longer was or ever wanted to be. That Dogma would think he'd let himself go, or might even stoop so low as to call himself a greedy and bloated puffer pig.

Another much bigger part of him thinks he doesn't entirely dislike the situation he's found himself in.

It was no secret that the clones had been starving for the entirety of the war. Their metabolism far too high for them to ever be truly satisfied post-meal. The rations only serving to keep them at the edge of acceptability in terms of nutrition and energy. Visible ribs was the acceptable standard of most foot soldiers. The only padded soldiers had been the ARCs who underwent rigorous gene therapy during their training to get to the appropriate musculature size, and even so he'd seen Fives's ribs on Umbara. His larger muscles well on the way of getting consumed for energy.

Dogma remembers Hardcase once joking that the natborns liked them to stay hungry because it kept them mean and eager for a scrap. Dogma remembers going to bed hungry. Dogma remembers starvation and pilfered snacks that Olly used to steal to keep the Guard fed on particularly bad days.

There hasn't been a day on Epifania where any of them have starved and Dogma is grateful for it. Is happy that he's experienced fullness when his standard had always been that aching emptiness all clones were so familiar with. He felt bad sometimes that only a few of them got to ever be this well looked after. This secure. But that's how things were sometimes.

Life's a bitch and you deal with it. You can't save everyone, only those who reach out.

He's not entirely happy with not realizing he's gained weight. He's a little frustrated he's the one who's antidepressants caused such a noticeable reaction. But he's not as upset as he would have been if this had happened when he was younger. Mostly because now he knows better. Knows this isn't the worst thing that could happen to him.

Dogma is happy. His medication helps making this possible, helps making so many of the things that broke in his head function correctly. The meds are there to help him function and he's happy. What's a little extra weight?

"There's nothing wrong with you." Sponge insists, pushes the plate of cupcakes closer to Dogma's side of the table, and smiles so brightly it makes him smile back.

He doesn't insist that there has to be something wrong. He accepts that he got one roll of the die that's different from everyone else. Decides he'll welcome the change with open arms for once and let himself enjoy the peace.

Dogma takes a cupcake and enjoys his existence.