#the reasoning for it is pretty bad tho. its from being depressed

[towncritte]

Red Destiny AU Lore Dump

I'm deciding to compile all the lore dumps I did so far on Twitter, into this post.

Stuff is subjected to change in the future, but this post is just to help you guys get bits of the story.

It's still a work in progress AU, and nothing is entirely set in stone but regardless, I do hope this helps.

Here's Dogday's reference sheet and info:

Here is a quick summary of what's going on in this Dimension: The Smiling Critters live in another dimension, which the portal was located in a Toy Factory. The humans entered and started ruling over the place, along with ruling several different towns to have control over the creatures within said dimension.

The story for now mostly focuses on Smiling Valley where the Smiling Critters live.

Due to the humans mostly seeing the Smiling Valley citizens as if they are Zoo Animals or an attraction of sorts, the small town finds it difficult to have supplies and have a tendency to get a shortage.

Most humans visiting aren't aware of the abuse going on done by Scientists that want to study the Critter Citizens as if they are Lab Rats, or the abuse of Soldiers/Guards hungry for a power trip.

That's the summary of the condition of the town so far.

For the most part the story for now will be pretty focused on Dogday and his perspective, as well as the other critters.

Catnap's whereabouts and what he is doing will be a mystery.

I want this AU to feel like an ominous mystery of what's going on.

Here's more lore drop of the pooch:

Declawing Trauma:

Dogday was declawed. Bubba, during Dogday receiving therapy, tried to get as much supplies and knowledge as he can to fix Dogday's hands/paws.

During those 3 years, Dogday couldn't hold things due to how bad the condition of his hands were.

Dogday had to constantly wear bandages and deal with pain for the past 3 years, making his mental recovery difficult, and feeling like a burden to his friends for helping him.

Catnap CONSTANTLY had to reassure Dogday nothing was his fault and would constantly comfort him.

Dogday, despite everything, held onto hope Bubba would restore his claws.

Bubba had to eventually settle for reshaping Dogday's hands to paws so Dogday wouldn't feel so much pain anymore. (He had to use extra bones from Dogday's hands to do this.)

Dogday was depressed about this but overtime did manage to get through therapy without being in so much pain anymore and had to learn to hold things with his newly reshaped paws. (Tho he still has some trauma)

Catnap held a HEAVY grudge against the scientists that hurt Dogday.

These traumatizing events will show how it's affected Day as the story goes.

Dogday does know about The Prototype and what Catnap's been doing. Not fully aware, the Moon is in a cult of sorts hidden outside of town.

Catnap at one point, gave Dogday hope about his claws before he left Smiling Valley as he was called upon by The Prototype:

Catnap wasn't being malicious when he showed them off, he just wanted to give Dogday a reason to support his beliefs. Catnap wasn't declawed, but he was given much deadlier claws.

Speaking of Catnap, here's his beta ref sheet:

In the future, I'll make him a colored reference sheet once I have this AU organized.

Dogday's eyes:

When Day's eyes would be fading back to white, Mini Moon immediately tells Day to go home and sleep. He then administers the red smoke again.

GORE WARNING!

Dogday developing violent tendencies:

At some point, Dogday starts to develop violent urges due to the Plush's manipulation and mind warping.

(Since I DO NOT plan to rip off Dogday's legs EVER! I'm going with this route as a nod to what happened in the game, but its in reverse)

This is so far the lore dump of the AU. I'll look back at this in the future as I continue the story to see how I can tie things together, or what to change or what I like or don't like.

If you don't understand this, it's okay.

Again, this is just a lore dump post to understand the AU so far in it's Work In Progress stage.

And to help me read over stuff and see what I can do with it.

Again, stuff is subjected to change, including designs. So nothing is entirely permanent.

I made the Plush Delivery comic back on Twitter originally as a one off in it's old version. But over time, I liked the concept so much I started forming it into a story and redid Plush Delivery.

I do hope you'll enjoy wherever Red Destiny's story will go.

Who knows what lies ahead for the red path the pooch is following.

" A red destiny awaits you Sunshine….are you ready?" -Catnap

Thank goodness, I'm done writing this all down. xnx

[moonspirit]

Jealous aruani are fun and all, but...what if it's their friend that's the reason for the jealousy??? No love triangles.

Annie suddenly feels a twinge of irritation when she sees Pieck say something to Armin and they laugh together. Or maybe Armin overhears gossip about how Annie Leonhart and Connie Springer look so cute together. The next time he sees Connie, his stomach twists. And it's terrible!

Considering how Armin and Annie both have self-esteem issues...well, I can see how that could happen. Irritation, doubt, jealousy, and self-loathing for feeling that way about a friend. it's just painful, stupid and awkward. I have no idea how they will solve this😗

Hello jealousy anon! As promised, and thank you for the ask, it made me laugh xD

Because of-fucking-course there's nobody more capable of causing problems for Aruani off more than their very own family xD If you ask me, outsiders don't have the type of talent the other four have in creating misunderstandings and unnecessary chaos xD Plot-required-3rd-party-love-interest who? Move over, here's Connie the Springer man!

At first it's all quite unintentional. Connie spends time with Annie because Circumstances and Coincidence and hardly notices Armin's watery puppy eyes gazing at him from a depressing corner. It's not like Armin ever says anything out loud either because of course, he's happy! He's happy Annie has a silly friend that makes her laugh and forget that she's awkward and possibly frightening around people. He's glad Connie comes prepackaged with a whole lot of shitty jokes that happen to tickle her. He's really fucking glad Connie treats Annie like he treats everyone else!

But. Connie can also... dance. Really well. Like the guy's got those moves and can easily take Annie for a nice spin. He also... makes her laugh, like... a lot? A lot lot? Hm.. has Annie ever laughed like that with me? Uh... yeah, nevermind that, um- oh god, Connie's been looking pretty nice lately in those suits and he's rather good with the whole easy-fashion thing and uh- well shit, it's Connie, he's my friend, he's not- no, I mean, that photo in the newspapers was just an accidental shot, of course Annie was just laughing at his bad joke but well... she did look really happy with him and, oh shit--

Man.

Pieck on the other hand, doesn't fuck with people more than necessary. I don't actually see her getting *too* close with Armin but they do become very good friends! They have a lot in common, (for example music) and vibrate on the same atomic level of "yeah this is wrong and backhanded and probably will get us arrested in 18 countries but lets do it hehe". Hc that they probably get off to a slightly rocky start as Pieck doesn't put much faith in Armin's "naivete" and harbours resentment for his blowing up of Liberio's port, but as time goes by, they grow closer!

Maybe... too much closer for someone's liking 💀

Because okay? Annie gets it, she finds politics too boring and her takes end up being too cynical and skeptical in the room. Technically, she's glad Armin has someone in Pieck who will humour his ideas with a generous (but nice) dash of realism. Also, they enjoy picking out records together and she often finds them nodding their heads to a new tune once home.

She's glad, okay?

She is, she really is-

*sound of a thigh being stabbed followed by sounds of Reiner screaming*

Pieck is a cheerful girl tho 🥲

On a serious note, both Aruani are going to feel like total crap about this jealousy tho. Because as you said, it's their friends, their literal family who they share a lot of time and space with, and if anything could be clear it's that none of them want to see Aruani unhappy. So its not real, it's not anything to worry about, it's all just in their heads-

And yet.

Tbh the extra funny bit about this is gonna be when Connie and Pieck realize what they're doing to their poor lemonheads xD

"What! We're making you jealous?! wHAaT?? ... Hell YEAH, LET'S TURN IT UP!"

🥲🥲🥲🥲

I mean what else did you expect lol, Pieck and Connie are that duo who are going to derive more entertainment from their very own organic, homegrown family-drama than the moving pictures being shown in the town-square.

Suddenly it's all: "HEHE Armin, I bought Annie CAKES, see? FIVE Cakes! FiVE delICIOUS cakes and *I* am going to give it to her! Me!"

and: "Annniieeeeeeee~~ Oh no, why the long face this morning? Btw did you know Armin wants kids? Like a lot of kids? He told me- oh, he didn't tell you? Hehe I thought you'd be the first to know hehehehehe"

Their approaches to fanning this dumpster fire are different 😌

Their solution when things get too Sad?? Lock Aruani up in a room. Always ends well.

[mister-snake]

Trying to go sober, I'll give this another try

24/04 - The usual

23/04 - The usual

22/04 - Felt overwhelmed, drank too much cuz it gave me an excuse to avoid my tasks

21/04 - The usual

20/04 - Proud of myself, cuz I felt a big craving after work, but I managed to let it pass before drinking a bit, so I avoided a red day there for sure.

19/04 - Trying to not let myself sink again, cuz every time I start feeling depressive like I did yesterday, it is SO hard to get back on track and remain functional. I wanted to drink so bad when I came home after work, but instead I made myself a clean bed, took a shower, made myself a tea and studied a bit. It gave me enough time to let the urge pass and avoid going red again.

18/04 - Mood crash, bad coping

17/04 - Big uni/internship day, came home late, short night cuz I slept early, I actually fell asleep from being exhausted. At least, being super busy has its pros I guess?

16/04 - I can't stand sobriety for too long 😅 Still was pretty busy tho, so it wasn't too bad. Otherwise, I probably would've gone red, ngl...

15/04 - Study group activity that day, which made me come back late, so I was wayy too tired for anything after working almost non stop from 6am to 11pm xd

14/04 - None. I feel like I'm on a pretty good streak ever since I got sick, my goal being to only go for purple and green days until that purple becomes my new blue. But at the same time, I feel like I'm sooo sensitive to my mood swings, which robs me from part of my sense of control. It's still a work in progress, but I'll keep trying despite the relapses.

13/04 - Less than usual

12/04 - Feeling better, both physically and mentally.

11/04 - Bleh.

10/04 - Too sick and tired.

09/04 - I got sick. With my weak ass immune system... Couldn't decide if it was best to drink anyway or to suffer with both illness and sobriety. Ended up going for a compromise.

08/04 - I got myself lost TWICE that day. On a path I'm supposed to be familiar with. Sooo... Can chronic alcoholism cause brain damage? Either way, I figured it would be a wonderful day to stay sober!! 🥰

07/04 - The usual. I feel like this time of the year always is harder than the rest for some reason. Maybe because I'm in desperate need of that summer break...

06/04 - Less than usual. I was sooo tired I went to bed early, which like, never happens for me. Ever. Also I snoozed like crazy the next morning. From 7am to 9am... 😅 Still felt tired.

05/04 - The usual, I was so tired it felt easier to just take a break by drinking

04/04 - Less than usual

03/04 - The usual

02/04 - The usual

01/04 - The usual. Recieved an interview invitation for a job in research, which cheered me up. Ended up finishing a big uni assignment too. Overall, I feel better tonight. It's progress, I'll take it!

31/03 - Listen...

30/03 - Had an argument with my housemate. The whole evening was tense, I felt like everything he said or did was to piss me off. Worst part is I can't really tell if I'm the asshole and it's all in my head, or if he purposefully was trying to annoy me. But yeah, bad day, so bad coping. I also finished his stuff because fuck him. I don't really care if that makes me the asshole at this point.

29/03 - Went to a bar with a friend, "for the food". Ended up drinking a bit too, but not too much because I was the designated driver out of us two. The place looked really cool too, it was fun.

28/03 - The usual

27/03 - I started feeling dizzy, so drinking is out of the question rn. I think my body is telling me to take care because I only slept 3h and then did a 11h long day with no break of ressources research, classes, applying to labs, clinical reunion, psychotherapy internship and clinical writing. And yet I still felt like I didn't do enough until someone pointed out that I actually did a lot 😅 So yeahh, sober day

26/03 - Less than usual, only drank out of habit cuz I knew if I didn't I would struggle through the next day and it's a big one

25/03 - I was so locked in that day that I forgot to eat, sleep, AND drink soooo I guessed that worked out lmao

24/03 - The depression returned, and with it the cravings for more

23/03 - The usual

22/03 - Gave myself a well deserved cheat day

21/03 - Didn't drink, got into a huuuge selfcare urge (with shaving, scrubs, shower cream, hair cutting, mani-pedi, face mask, serums and creams, aaaall of it), that was random ngl, but I feel good

20/03 - Less than usual c:

19/03 - I need to get my shit together that day, so no drinking, or at least not until I actually did something productive (ended up doing a 6h straight of work the night before out of anxiety, soooo I'm feeling better now, I'm less likely to drink as a way to self-sabotage/feel better, didn't drink much).

18/03 - I'm having a hard time getting out of that depressed state. It's like I can't find motivation to do anything important and keep seeking dopamine through alcohol and other activities. I tried getting out of it today, ended up cleaning my messy room and sorting nail rhinestones by color, realised I didn't do shit, felt even less motivated and ended up drinking 🤡

17/03 - Just one of those days...

16/03 - Planning to drink a little tonight, but less than usual. My mistake back when I was trying to quit last year was trying to stop everything completely with no gradual transition, which isn't very realistic if you've been drinking for years.

15/03 - Didn't drink cuz I went to see family

★ 。。・。・＋・。・。・☆・。・。・。・。。★

I'll be here. Until I die, I'll stay behind with the same love and care. It's where I belong. It's all I have. Sorry I couldn't do this back when you were still here. Despite my promises and hopes. Now I'm doing this all for myself alone. Maybe it'll be easier now that there's less pressure. We'll see.

Take care.

[scruffyssketchbook]

Does flame even… “get off”… to corn or is it like. Just for the entertainment/idea of being desired (because we know he projects onto protags of novels and such)

It's mostly for the entertainment/idea of being desired. He uses it as a way to not feel lonely, as he is actually afraid of intimacy of any kind. ESCAPISM!!! It makes him like- NOT FEEL DEPRESSED!!! :D Which, he almost always feels depressed, so that's a win. And he has so many because collecting them gives him a purpose. I'll admit, it's a weird purpose, but the magazines make him genuinely happy, so he collects them. and there are a LOT of them to collect. Pretty simple reasoning.

Dawn think's Flame is some Perverted deviant who harasses girls, but he's really just a jaded sad floof who uses corn to dissociate from the real world and not feel depressed. This is also why its so BAD NOW THO, it got worse after Flame "let Sora go" and after the agency. Like- Flame is going through a lot :/

[its-wabby-stuff]

those are all so interesting! sho chasing him around the world bc the writers did say yoshi became cosmopolitan during his fame, is so funny and kinda sad. yeah, i'm pretty sure its canon that sho and yoshi were the last hamato bc in end game, foot lt says yoshi is the "last descendant". i hc that yoshi has struggled with depressive disorder since his mom left. being told he had to save the world and all his plans being overun by his hamato destiny did not help. but sho (in typical asian fashion) was like "depression isn't real, get a hold of yourself" (sho was also depressed bc of atsuko's death but he was in denial). big mama soothed it during the time yoshi dated her but then obvi, his depression came back 100x worse during his captivity and stayed quite severe to this day (being a mutant really sucks also how is he supposed to be a dad when he never had a dad really???)

yes! share you big mama hcs 😁 did you know she was with yoshi for 11 years (probably)?? in many unhappy returns, it says they met in 1984 and the writers said she kidnapped him around 1995. i feel bad for yoshi bro (I still love big mama tho) i know fans want her to have a fake human name but i think it's funnier (it's also canon) that she just went by big mama bc yoshi didn't care that she was purple and had yellow eyes and ate bugs and talked weird af so why would he care about her odd name?

I definitely agree with the depressive disorder, as someone who also has on and off depression. I also think he has AuDHD which could be part of why he did bad in school. I also agree that Sho didn’t see them as real problems, which I think is part of the reason Splinter is so cut off when it comes to talking about his feelings, or opening up in the slightest.

I think his depression got a lot worse sometime after the overtaking parts of parenthood were over and the boys started becoming a lot more independent and self-sufficient. Then he like crashed from the last, basically 45+ years of his life.

I’m still trying to figure out how such a loud and proud personality didn’t tell his sons about his days in the sun. I can only think it has something to do with his mother leaving, or him trying to forget. Also can’t figure why he changed his name to Splinter of all things. It was probably the boys fault- somehow, or possibly just poetic. New life, new name.

Tbh, Big Mama and Lou Jitsu, despite all their flaws, are my favorite couple. They’ve spent like half their lives together. I think Big Mama is a younger Yokai, perhaps only a couple years older than Yoshi himself. This is opposed to Draxum who I think is well over 200. I think she has commitment issues, but her and Yoshi bonded over their drive to create something spledifirous. I think she spent her time on the surface being a rebel, just like Lou, hiding away from some like rich Yokai family who wanted her to inherit the family business (their chain of hotels). Just another reason to bond.

This one’s silly, and I kinda stole it from someone else on the webs, but I think Big Mama and Lou Jitsu both got really into the renaissance while they were dating. Hence Splinters names for his son being the splinters of their relationship. Haha.

I think the battle nexus is relatively new and was started with Lou Jitsus kidnapping. It just got a lot of attention. And with her champion, a lot of other Yokai joined to get a chance at beating up the human, which backfired for them.

After a couple years of fighting, and winning, I think Big Mama laxed up on her rules. They were still kinda dating and would spend time together and tour the Hidden City and such (cause how else does he know so much?). Up until the last year, before the boys, when he once again requested more from Big Mama and wanted to stop fighting, so he wound up back in his cell. He declared he was a pacifist so he wouldn’t have to fight anymore, cause he knows she’s tricky but he’s still a little too dumb to figure things out.

Because I think the battle nexus is new, I also think her going back to the hidden city to take over the family hotels must have some cause and effect. So I think a family member died, which caused her to flip out like she did when asked to marry. That and her commitment issues (which also cause her to change the deals at the last second). And allowed Lou to “forgive” her when the “got back together.” He clearly still has resentment, but not to the point of hatred (cause they still got that chemistry in the show). They might be a little perfect for each other. 🙂‍↕️

If Big Mama was going to have any other name, which I’m fine with her name being what it is but it feels much more like a title, or perhaps originated as a pet name from Lou, than an actual name; I would think it’d be Tang Shen. Only cause other tmnt iterations have Yoshis ex wife be named that, but I think it’s fitting as well. Understandably, I get why she might keep it hidden and a secret, because, just like Lou, wearing masks is sometimes easier than facing the truth.

[ramblingvents]

Ramble

2024 has been such a weird year for me personally. Its kinda been the year where all of the maladaptive coping skills that I knew on some level were unsustainable stopped working.

Throughout a lot of school, I slept 6 hours or less. I could only do work at the last minute, out of fear of failure rather than love for learning. This somehow got me 3/4 of the way through a Physics degree before I got seriously burnt out from over-exerting myself (which people had been warning me about since highschool).

This was the year I finally got treatment for ADHD (tho I realized that Adderall makes me unable to sleep). It was the year I started getting treatment for migraines because it had reached a breaking point.

Last year during Fall semester was the first time I talked about the suicidal ideation that I've had for a decade with anyone. I refused to make a safety plan at that time because I didn't want to worry my friends/partner/parents. I wasn't able to see my therapist due to insurance after December. This is only relevant to this year because I eventually got out of the depressive episode, swore it wouldn't happen again, made an AITA post on whether I should make a safety plan and then proceeded to mostly ignore it. It got bad again in March. I told one of my friends and it was the first time I told anyone close to me. And I think talking about it and coming to her for help actually ended up making our friendship closer.

Around that time though, I was once again taking on too much because I promised a friend I'd do a project I knew I wasn't capable of. I was still sleeping 4 hours, dissociating in all of my classes, and then one of my grandparents died and I spiraled into the worst depressive episode of my life. I had days where I couldn't remember basic course material or even my name for like an hour at one point when I was really sleep deprived. I ended up almost attempting at the end of April, stopped at the last minute. Then proceeded to not tell any one that had happened, and went to another state for an internship for 3 months.

At the internship, I was trying really hard to be agreeable to everyone and people-pleasing and then had my coworkers exclude me for being autistic (literally had someone ask me that as soon as a senior scientist left the car on a road trip) for pretty much the whole summer. I definitely think some of this was me not really being in a good place anyway, but it was really difficult because I have RSD, I didn't have a car, so I had to walk like 45 minutes each way for groceries.

And then my project didn't work because I couldn't get the program to install on the thing it was supposed to for reasons that weren't my fault and I had to install and reinstall it effectively like 20-30 times, while my program director got mad at my mentor, before completely isolating myself in my room and doing the entire project in 2 weeks.

And like I think that was the first time I really internalized that you cannot make people like you and at a certain point people-pleasing to people who don't like you for reasons out of your control is just hurtful to yourself.

Anyway I had a whole breakdown at the end of that internship even though I did learn a lot and then started school like a week later and decided to take 18 credit hours. I also reached out and got accomodations for the first time but they didn't end up going into effect until late October so not the most helpful. I was really hoping to do well this semester to like 'make up' for grades in other classes, and I thought the ADHD meds and treatment would fix everything, but I've ended up burning out really hard, partially because I think the Adderall caused mania like symptoms (couldn't sleep more than 4 hours for like 3-4 weeks, keep missing homework, but like I didn't care and felt relatively euphoric and was barely aware of anything till I stopped taking it at week 8). Also because I was trying to "lock in" and didn't socialize with people as much as I should of.

I did as much as I could accomodations wise to get reduced course load for next semester and looked into a leave of absence if I need it. I also started seeing a therapist for ADHD management, was completely honest about suicidal ideation from the start and haven't lied or omitted anything in any of our sessions, which ended up being really useful because it meant that when the ideation did come back due to insomnia I had a safety plan and coping techniques, and she could monitor me when I started an antidepressant mid-semester. Also worth noting that everyone I was super close to graduated last semester, so having that support was really helpful.

That actually ended up turning well and I'm finally at a place where I'm stable though still having some depressive symptoms and difficulty sleeping/focusing. My grades are not good this semester but I have reduced course load, I'm going to take an extra year, and I'm gonna try to figure out how to do college in a way that's more sustainable and where I can retain the content better.

Also importantly I realized that the ideation is more a symptom of a need that's unmet for me. Like it didn't start back up until I was sleep deprived and unable to focus on my classes.

Very mixed bag of "a lot of things happened that were kinda festering for a while and got triggered by too many events" and "I'm actually starting to get help for my chronic illnesses and mental health, even if I haven't made a lot of progress yet". It could have gone a lot worse and I'm grateful to have gotten the support I have.

[lorestory0]

yall i know the daydream imagination thing going on is really good when i start spacing out and staring at nothing while absentmindedly biting some skin off my face.

no idea why but happiness causes me some sort of "hurt myself" response.

like, if the music im listening to is really good i may faceplant onto the closest surface, start contorting into weird shapes, and make some funny sounding noises. and its probably either really hilarious or disturbing to anyone who might witness such a thing.

if im absentmindedly enjoying whatever the heck i got going on in my mind i may bite myself. (usually imagining whatever anime character im currently obsessed with in some kind of situations with storyline and stuff that can last many days until i get bored and want a different storyline) will i spit blood on the floor without knowing why? perhaps. but am i feeling depressed like i often do? nope. not at all. im still just watching a brand new nonexistant anime episode and cant be bothered by whatever motivated me to do the biting myself in the face.

its really cool when i use this imagination to turn singleplayer games into "multiplayer without social anxiety" and i just play as whatever anime character, using imagination to change entire storyline in games.

(coming up with reasons why i have to use a bow when im playing as a sword wielder is an annoying challenge. especially when i actually like using a sword better. its just that im swinging at the air in front of me because i have no depth perception and bows have this convenient thing in the middle of the screen to help me know where the projectiles gonna land. if i had less lag tho, that wouldnt be an issue because i actually do have pretty fast reaction time. oops now i wanna play skyrim)

yes my face is bleeding. dont ask. im probably watching anime that no one else is aware of and its getting really good and i dont have much experience feeling joy at that level and dont really know how to properly express it. stuff just happens without any thought as to why, but i have noticed the blood on the floor and the bites on my face do seem to happen when i get really really happy so im not complaining.

joy is rare. imma just take the blood with the good.

as long as im not spitting blood on my toys or video games its okeedokie.

besides, my response to fear and extreme stress is even worse. and dont get me started on that one time i asked a question on the internet about why the fridge new computer mouses and keyboards hurt me and people called me names and thought i was making it up.

i would not be using these old stinky used keyboards and mouse if it werent for the headache i get from new stuff for several years now like howd it wake me up from deep slumber without me even knowing i got a new keyboard????? these old ones are stinky, really hard to find, and expensive. and worst of all, in limited supply.

and i dont really have a choice since i get some weird weakness when im bored somehow and i get weak enough to be cut by toothpaste when normally my annoyingly tough skin sometimes gotta use a knife to scratch the really bad itches. (gotta use really sharp scissors to cut my rock like fingernails and toenails too what even am i???)

the asking of the serious question on the internet just to getting name called is the reason for at least 1 scar in less than a hour.

i have no scars from happiness injuries. scars look neat tho. i got some neat claw shape scratches from a stress response. but i still definitely prefer happiness.

my response to being happy used to make me jump up and down. im trying to get back to that but its difficult. the abusive high school teacher would always punish me during the few times id get happy about something during school and i am out of that habit.

teacher would always say the same "preparing me for the real world" whenever the being punished for blinking too long. and the being punished whenever it rained because it messed up my hair that i was being forced to wash despite the water bill. and the punishing me for crying or showing emotion. i still cant even hear my name without crying. there my reason for fear of people, but behind a screen its a bit easier as long as i dont see the person because the sight of people scares me too. exept anime people the fear response doesnt see them as people. especially the ones i like.

i cant even hear whistling without something in my mind tryna convince me the torturers are doing it on purpose to "desensitize" even if its a anime person. of course they frearfing arent trying to cause me pain its a random anime character who doesnt even know me because its anime, like what the flop, brain. not that i want them to know me that would make the imagination really awkward

too bad emotional scars arent visible because id have some really big ones that probably have some cool chaotic pattern or something.

i dont hurt myself intentionally but when it leaves a scar it at least looks cool

[hazelcephalopod]

Alright it’s insomnia posting time. I am now half way through Preacher aka the end of season 2 -so however far along you consider that to be. Here’s my thoughts as much as I can coherently relay as of now (I will be using video game metaphors)-

Season one truly does feel like what was meant to be a short tutorial level but developers quickly realized once it hit play testers they had included too much and no one wanted to leave. Therefore they had to force you to leave by blowing up the entire town and 99% of the characters you had grown to care about.

I too would have fallen in love with Tulip bc a) Ruth Negga; b) she’s just the coolest most badass messy women ever.

Jesse is not a good preacher and it is so fucking funny. He’s not terrible, he tries, but he’s just not.

Im gonna stay mad at the insane messy throuple vibes forever. (Do they have the communication skills? Would it be good? Probably not and also maybe that’s one of the reasons it’s so interesting.)

those Angels were fucking right Genesis is not good for a person to have in them. Like it’s clear from the beginning and only gets clearer as time goes on.

All I have to say about Eugene is this poor boy deserves none of this.

this show loves side quests.. Killer of Saints did go somewhere. But. Where it the hell side plot going? (More under the cut)

I think that firmly brings us to season two. Aka. The story kicks off. aka “Jesse having just learned god is missing decides he will find him because that is what the power is for.” (Despite being told it is in fact just the offspring of a demon and Angel that, got out of its prison? Nursery? Sanctuary?)

The second season is basically the main quest needs to be explored but mainly in fetch quests. Meanwhile the player needs most of the parts involving Tulip and Cass so they get the “bad (midpoint) ending”. It’s also apparently an “I’m going to join the evil group despite all evidence that I should not” play through. (I’m ok with this actually it’s just I find putting it that way funny)

Aka. All of these people are very traumatized and secretive. Problems ensue.

On the one hand I get that Cass is probably written as having like attachment issues and stuff. On the other I am reading it fully as he just fell in love with these weirdos and assumes that’s probably not on the table at all but will take whatever he can get.

Tulip deserves far better imho. Just in every aspect of life and storyline.

Jesse clearly suffering from trauma with some symptoms of mania triggered by the immense and inhuman power thrust upon him. Also the severe guilt being reignited by just about the most severe crises of faith. (I’m gonna be real honest I have some half formed thoughts on his trauma, depression, and quite possibly mania)

We all knew Dennis was not going to go well I think and it somehow did go worse. That was not just tragedy but utterly brutal as well in a way that surprised me. Truly believe Cass is probably holding back most of the time -in fact I’m pretty sure it’s firmly implied in the text. So hopefully that goes somewhere.

Jesse the grandson of the swamp witch who does black magic and maybe… voodoo? (I’m sorry that woman looks way to white for that but I admit I’m not well versed in that particular tradition so I will not say more; the show seems to be more focusing in her just being a witch?) (great cutscenes tho)

After they get to new Orlesns the show really becomes “Jesse finds a new cult led by a fascist asshole and uh. Everyone else has fucked up misadventures which Jesse doesn’t appear to even notice most of unless it directly applies to him.” (Aka we are off the group main quest here’s a bunch of individual side quests, decisions matter despite appearing completely unrelated. Will you talk to each other? Btw they do not)

I would be surprised if Jesse remembered who Dennis was by the end tbh. He was not paying attention to anything after they got rid of the Saint of Killers imho with his partners. At the very least I believe it was the last thing he was thinking about.

I am saying partners -yes I am shipper scum get over it- Bc they basically are presented as such by the end of this season. The vibes very much are “bordering on divorce” by the end of the season. Tulip and Cass break up with Jesse, in a diner for joining a weird cult and not paying enough attention to them and being extremely selfish. They are correct imho.

Again Tulip deserves better than this. (Spoiler- I know she gets better. Still. Also I’d have loved to see whoever Jesse actually explained -or perhaps didn’t- his plan to Cass)

they are getting so so divorced broken up and tbh. fair.

“I hate you” delivered in the most… truly trying to just hate him and not being able to way imho.

time for under the cut stuff

So the big points here are- does Preacher deal with fascists and specifically Nazis well? Tbh, I’m not sure it does but I’ve seen much worse.

First we have Herr Starr who is at minimum an authoritarian and I would go as far to say fascist. I’d go as far to say the Grail is heavily fascist leaning. Most of the Grail is just embarrassingly incompetent. Whereas Herr Starr despite the “funny problems” -tbh I was not really amused personally by “lol one of the idiot agents though he wanted a gay gang bang”. Its 2017 why? Who was like “yea let’s do that”. (I have several guesses) Anyway to put it very simply I think he’s just a bit… too cool? Now I admit his main character traits seem to be a deeply selfish desire for power for himself perhaps? I still think he’s a fascist but maybe other have a different read and I’m willing to hear it I guess?

Hitler. Why is he here? Is this necessary? On the other hand it’s a bold move and I could see them doing some subversive and cathartic stuff with him but I admit my own bias of having a strong disgust factor over… just the character. However he sucks, and everyone else except the nicest naivest person in hell agrees, which makes it tolerable.

[chronicallyillphoenix]

My psych says that i am emotionally dissociated and this is the reason that in the past 6+ months i have actually felt a single emotion. The rest of the time i feel nothing. Absolute apathy. I get physical sensations of emotions (like tight chest when i would usually feel anxious, widespread tension/pain when i would feel angry, sinking chest and nausea when i would usually feel sad) but i dont actually *feel* the emotions. I have been explaining it like how it feels when getting a cavity fixed, the dentist numbs up the tooth so you dont feel the actual pain, but you still experience the physical sensations like the vibrations, smell, and scraping. She says its because i am still living with my ex and even tho we are friends, i still havent been given the chance to step back and actually let myself process all of my feelings.

Thats probably one of the reasons i am just now realizing im probably really depressed. Which would make A LOT of sense given a lot of the things that have happened in the past 6 months. Like. I broke up with my fiance the same day i got the money for a deposit for a wedding venue, i have lost not one, but three of my cats. And i never got to tell any of them bye because they live with my parents and even tho i didnt want them living outside, i didnt get a voice in the matter since i no longer lived there and the house went from my 2 parents, to 4 adults and a baby and they just didnt have room. Two of them were just really old and we think they did the animal thing and just went off somewhere to die alone and it *hurts* because the first one to go was my favorite because of how sweet he was and who i always slept with in my arms when i would visit (i have struggled so hard to spend the night there with him gone). But once he was gone the other two were gone within the next two months and none of them were expected (like we knew bandit and bunnie were old but we expected to them to pass away inside the cat pen where they stayed every night like every barn cat before them had and that way we could bury them up on the hill, but it didnt turn out that way). I have also developed more concerning health symptoms and have gotten no answers to them. And now my mom has broken her shoulder and isnt going to be able to work for the next 3 months and even tho shes getting workers comp, her pay is significantly less and shes my sole source of income right now. And so i am always already feeling guilty about spending any money but now i feel worse about it and am having panic attacks because i got fast food once this week because i was flaring too bad to make anything myself even tho my mom gives me money *specifically* so i can get food and stuff when i am in a flare.

But yeah i have realized i am almost certainly depressed and the funny thing is that the way i realized this was a tumblr poll. It was asking what peoples hobbies were and i couldnt answer it because in the past year i havent really had anything hobby wise. Ive mostly stopped reading, i am not doing pour paintings, not doing my paracord stuff, and anytime i decide im going to finally start knitting i just end up picking up the yarn and staring at it for a bit before setting it back down and going back to sitting on the couch with the tv on in the background for background noise.

Im going to see my psych on wednesday and i hope to talk to her about this but i also dont know what there is to do about it. Probably raise my antidepressant but idk. Im not even sad so i dont see the point in raising my antidepressant because idk what being not depressed would change because were pretty sure the apathy is because of current circumstances and not just because of depression idk. I just want everything to be normal again

[penguin--person]

I’m mad happy your fic is still up I thought it got taken down or smth 😭 I literally requested to have an acc on AO3 just so I could read your fic. It is very good, feeds the brain worms

omg thank you so much!!!!:3!!!!! teehee!!!! i appreciate it so so so much!!! im writing another pafl fic rn (temnova centered) so tomorrows chapter is . not gonna come out tomorrow so sorry . but !! but . the temnova fic is p swaggin if i do say so myself.. n its already like halfway done ! wont take much longer n right after ill go n continue swap:3 ill also draw smth for it maybe... bc your nice words rlly made me happy . m. im gonna ramble about these two under the cut, and how i hope to portray them (mostly through yuras perspesctive tho, not gonna be having much of dimas for some time) n such !! teehee

so !! cleave by tart is a good song n it made me. delve into yura x dima a bit. while im not a big fan of the ship, i Am a fan of the song! i wouldnt have made yura crush on him if i wrote it now lol BUT i still think its cool . so . this also might be a bit spoilerish?? but god this fic is long i wanna talk about it!!!

dima, does not recipocrate. he does not feel the same as yura. does not like him all that much, if hes being honest. yes, he fed him and gave him a place to stay for the night, but, come on have you seen yura !! most suspicious guy around. thinks he's up to something, that he knows he's a mutant, that he wants to report him etc. yura doesn't know this though. yura himself doesn't even rlly knows how he feels towards dima. its. dima is a mutant - yura can't like him, yea sure lapses in reason can be pretty fun, but, he can't like a mutant, especially not one so lame, yea? especially one that sucks so bad at hiding that he's a mutant. but. even though he can't like him ... he can't help but blush ... he can't help but feel silly around dima ... little does he know what he feels isn't rlly love.

so. yuras messed up. depression n all that. speaking from experience, it's easy to feel like you're beyond saving when depressed and such, that you've fucked up too much, that this is it, nothing will ever get better, all that shit. he sees dima, this mutant on the run that throws up every five minutes. and it's obvious he's worse off than yura. so. in a lapse of reason. he thinks, "Oh! If i can help him, if i can take even the slightest care of him, if i can get him better, then. that means i'm not beyond saving, either. if i help him it'll mean i'm ok. that i still have a chance." . and just . smth like a bit of a hero complex moment. but dima is a BOY and yura is a boy TOO so he CANT LIKE HIM!!! because that will be GAY and yura is a young slavic teen lol of course hes got some homophobia shit going on. internalized, repressed, whatever it is its NOT good !!!

yura doesnt rlly love dima as much as he loves the idea of proving that he can prove something to himself, in short ❤️or Something like that. only knew him for a week anyway and for half of it dima wasnt all that concious. dont know if this makes sense. 👍

dont know if any of this makes sense but !! thank you again!!! :3 i appreciate it lots!!!

[mpathicoracle]

annywayyys thru a long wind of shenans sorta eira moves in with carick thorne and eran (they have 1 home in harper's haven and another at the knee so eran doesn't have to travel far for school), their future bandmate and co-singer, during their last yr of school

raine became eira's mentor when they were 16, crane insisted which eira found absolutely amusing, and both raine and crane insisted "no you can't do this solo, you won't get far blahblah you should make a band, how about carick's boy, he's learning to be a bard too" fdsjkg even tho eran was going to st. epiderm's over down at the Knee. it turned out rly well tho. thru eran eira met dartak, who was eran's closest friend at epiderm's.

eira met belak when they were both about 14, so right after their 9th year started, when eira switched from the construction track to the bard track. belak saw them sitting alone at lunch refusing to talk to anyone, still being hella depresso somewhat and stubborn as shit. so, naturally, belak sat with them. was fine with not talking for a while, just as long as this weirdo had someone to sit with. belak's pretty quiet himself, so it was chill. he also noticed that eira never rly brought a whole lot for lunch so he ended up bringing extra food. they became friends pretty damn quick asgfskjghg

also funfact belak l o v e s to cook and bake as a pasttime. both of his parents cook and bake as well, its a family thing. when eira was invited to his 15th birthday (was legit the only one invited, belak didnt really have friends either), his parents refused to let him even enter the kitchen. it was the first time in a while that eira was actually really happy, she thought it was absolutely hilarious that her only friend couldnt do what he wanted (it was chill with him), esp cuz he was pouting the entire time bc nooo he wanted to see what they were making, etc etc. it was good to get eira out, belak's parents welcomed them really quick, would always ask their son how eira was doing

dartak has a type of synesthesia-magic sorta bard talent! to him, everyone has their own little melody whenever he talks to them, he can hear it pretty much always. if someone is, like, in a shitty mood or whatever the sound of it kinda changes. when he met eira for the first time, their personal melody was actually in the process of changing (since they were still transitioning from being eralynne harbane to eira bane), he was super shocked by it because he hadn't heard that happen to someone so "late" in their life, usually it happened when people were younger, at least in his experience.

eira is a HUGE history nerd. the band got away with so many of their songs because eira knew exactly how to link certain songs (like crownless king) to long-dead emperors and kings and other rulers they read about. you could quiz eira about any sorta ancient history and eira would ramble for hours. they and lilith clawthorne would def get along on that end dsjgdjkghdhjl

on a slightly sadder note, eira does suffer from chronic depression and has indeed had suicidal ideations in their teen years, they have a semicolon tattoo along with a blue ribbon tattoo on their left wrist for that reason. when they were teens, eira made an agreement with the Boys that if they couldn't get out of bed on their days off school and work (corva usually handled those situations), that the boys were more than welcome to physically drag them out of bed. literally. it happened a couple times. dartak insists on just picking them up, but eran and belak would literally yank the blankets off, grab them by the wrists or ankles, and pull eira out of bed. theyve gotten better in their adult years (by W.A.D., pre-credit scene, they're 29 at that point), doesn't really have suicidal thoughts anymore, but every now and then they have their "Bad Days".

related, dartak has severe insomnia and occasionally experiences manic episodes because of it. eran already knew about it, but when he had met eira and belak he was incredibly nervous to tell them about it. but when eira brought up their very obvious depression and that "yeah, ok, i struggle with this every now and then so if you're going to stick around and be friends and my future bandmates, you need to be aware of this" dartak actually found a lot of comfort in that and admitted his insomnia to the two of them. dartak and eira bonded really quick because of it, and both keep each other in check when they see the other is struggling. on a bonus, dartak likes to joke, it makes his poetry incredibly interesting.

which also, yea, dartak loves writing poetry. hes incredibly sheepish about it, always tries to shrug it all off all "yeah it's not that great, i guess" but the other three CONSTANTLY hype him up. he's written a good portion of their songs, esp in their albums: "Ghosts and Premonitions," "What You Left Behind," and "Thunderheart". his best, in eira's opinion are "Land of the Lost," "Relapse," "Ground Zero," and "Manic." (all credits go to the original artists ofc)

iiiii should prolly just have put this in their own posts by character BUT oh well heres this so far

[dontlookforme00]

6, 21, 34 >:000

HI HI HI LOON!!!! TY FOR THE ASK!!!

6- How do you want to die?

DAMN OK starting off strong, I see. I don't want to know I'm dying, sure, it'd be depressing to die without even realising its all ended, but I think the fear of a terminal illness/ fatal injury or whatever would actually,,.,.., well. Wouldn't be great. I am in fear of that fear, yk?? Anyways either dying suddenly in my sleep or being suffocated to death. Idk I think it'd be satisfying to watch it all fade black.

21- What are your plans for this weekend?

OO so today I went to a primary school fair (i went with my brother who goes there OK 😭) and I think??? Tomorrow I'm going to the seaside for my birthday (its not tmr its on Monday tho). Honestly I don't like it when my weekends are fully booked. Weekends are the only time I can relax and NOT socialise, and yet, here I am, socialising >:((

34- Who/what was your last dream about?

A OK SO I have very vivid, long dreams that I usually remember. Pretty wild ig. To make a long story short, in my latest dream, I was in a school (but not my irl school) and there was some important assembly coming up, maybe student elections for something??? Anyways there's was a shit ton of attention and everyone was busy. I, however, was scribbling inspirational quotes on the corridor walls with sharpie. Some girl came by and winced and told me to wipe it off and I almost cried. Someone ik irl walked past and was upset, because she thought her speech was really bad.

Time skip because I don't remember it, but I am John from Unordinary and I have broken into the same school, after hours, with Arlo from Unordinary, something something tentative allies, so maybe something rlly bad was happening??? Anyways, some fucking dude in a white ponytail cornered Arlo and started kissing him unconsensually and Arlo was pretty freaked out. Then Arlos entire family found him . Like all at once. They didn't find me tho.

Someone did, because I remember coming back to school the next day (still as john) and thinking, damn, now teachers won't trust me. They thought I was a good kid. (Which is true for irl me but NOT John so, ???) I think another kid ik irl was there. He was insanely op. For no reason.

Anyways, have a nice day and ty for the ask!

[zerobaseonefics]

i am so so sorry for not being active here but i had a lot of stress because of university shit etc (i still do but not as much as i did last week) (and this week)

you should adopt me as a sister frfr!!

yes about hanbin: he said that you both are already planning the wedding??? you should have told me… #betrayed

and i took my nails off (if thats how you say it😟) and they were no and i had to cut my natural long nails 😔😔

no cuz i lost a lot money now on enhypen albums (i love them sm wtf its so sudden but after i found out that they were in poland (i found out sbout this during they were there) my enhypen fangirl era came back and yk i bought the dark blood album i dont remmeber what version but its dark blue and i pulled sunghoon and sunoo(AGAIN) but i wanted heeseung and jake #depressed (i got jay post card tho) and i csnt find people who sell the original photocards☹️ LIKE GIRL IM ABOUT TO GO CRAZY ABOUT HEEJAYKE LIKE OMFG NOOO NAHH WTF WHAT::;;;;::;;:::&&&&

how did the macarons taste like (good bad mid) ?!??,,? i will buy you a whole macarons factory just so you csn eat them everyday for free 😋😋

DONT CALL ME A ROOKIE!! its the first time it happened (taking a nap and then not being able to sleep again) like i take naps almost everyday because they are so lovely😔😔 but yes no school no university no anything for a long time😋 (just work) (like 20€ per week) (im teaching 2 people english so not a real job tho)

anyway my brother (6 months old) (literally 18 years age difference💀) is so annoying but so cute like bro i hate him sometimes and then day after i love him the most😐😐😐

oh and my hesrt was broken by a guy… he has the same name as i do (unisex name) we were 8-9 years at the same school and he had a crush on me 5 years ago but i didnt have a cursh on him back then so i told him that we are just friends and now since 2-3 years i started to have a crush on him but now i found out that he has a crush on deomeone else (this is mainly the reason why im so delulu rn) (i was always delulu but this is literally getting so out of hand) i also started kind of disliking zb1 i mean not that i dont like them anymore its just im not keeping up with their content now as much as i did like bro my ult groups are always changing (once it was shinee then svt then got7 then nct then gidle then enhypen then txt then svt again then treasure then zb1 and xikers and now its new jeans, le sserafim, xikers, ateez and enhypen (just that i dont keep up eith xikers and ateez content that much)😐😐😐😐 get me some help like i literally love them for a time then lose interesy in them and find another group and then its repeating all the time ykyk omg im so no

i understand bro i went through it myself so don't worry 😭 how's it going? i have no idea how you choose your college in germany so if you wanna talk abt it i'm interested 🤭 hope you'll be able to go wherever you want

bitch you're already adopted ‼️ i've always wanted a little sister

yk i didnt know how to tell you this cuz i'm a bit shy..... but he told you now so you know!! i'm not fully a betrayer!!

OH THEY WERE NATURAL??? the length was so pretty i thought it was not. it's a shame you had to cut it

enha have me on a chokehold fr this cb pure you don't understand 😀 they're also my ult but i've been not keeping up as much as before with their content. this album was just soooo good and now i'm in this enhypen shit forever bro like that's it they got my interest back

nOOOOOO 💔 BRO IM SURE YOU'LL FIND PPL WITH THE ORIGINAL IT'S A BIG GROUP IT'S EASIER

girl the macarons were awful. too sugary (i should've expect this from algeria they love getting diabetes...) </3 i felt like i was eating blocks of sugar there was no other taste i wanted to cry ok. waiting for you to buy me a macaron factory or else im gonna have to marry someone who makes them properly.

this may seem like 'not a real job' but even this is very important on your resume when you'll look for work later! it's still a great experience

that's every little brothers 🙏🏼 i have two and there's days i wanna crush them to the ground and days i wanna give them everything </3 but the age difference between you two is so big!! you know what's cool about that? you can design that kid 🤭 you can teach him how to be a good person, give him good taste, everything! that's the best thing about younger siblings

hE HAS ANOTHER CRUSH NOW?? HOW COULD HE MOVE ON FROM THE PURE??? nah he has no idea what he's missing rn 👹 don't be heartbroken over... a man 😧 okay?? move on too >:( he's no heejake >:(

ABOUT THE ULT THING. i have no idea how ppl keep the same ult for such a long time like.... i mean mine are pretty much stable too but yk there's time where you lost interest as you get into a new group. i always end up coming back to my ult but there are period yk. when i see people holding fanbases for example i'm amazed cuz how do you diligently wake up everyday and do everything about one and onlY ONE GROUP??? AREN'T YOU TIRED??? AREN'T YOU FED UP WITH THEM AT SOME POINT???

plus my problem is i'm here for the music only 🙏🏼 i don't like the music my ult put out? honestly i'm not hyping the comeback or anything. my older sister listens to kpop and fr no matter if the song's good or not she votes on every music show, she streams the song, eveRYTHING. i don't even do all that when i like the song tbh... i think it's funny to see how everyone has a different way of stanning

[hyperblue]

you know what, actually have batfamily & co as song from midnights because i LOVE to mesh my obsessions together at any given time

lavender haze — tim timmy timmy boy, with pretty much any of his love interests, although since the song itself is purple coded it mostly feels like timsteph or timtam to me

talk your talk and go viral // i just need this love spiral // get it off your chest // get it off my desk

maroon — the sultryness and the eerie feeling of it makes me think about damian a little beat, so imma say damijon? kind of dark, angsty damijon (they initially feel very angsty to me btw, idk why. like they are either early 2000s romcom funny or just straight up fucked up in a way that is not exactly "right person wrong time" but more like "right person fucking wrong literally everything else")

when the silence came, we // were shaking blind and hazy // how the hell did we lose sight of us again? // sobbing with your head in your hands // ain't that the way shit always ends?

maroon also has a strong dick feeling to it tho

anti-hero — tim's song through and through as i said, especially in his red robin era. i could actually write a whole ass essay that's how strongly i feel about it

i have this thing where i get older, but just never wiser // midnights become my afternoons // when my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people // i've ghosted stand there in the room

and also

i wake up screaming from dreaming // one day, i'll watch as you're leaving // and life will lose all its meaning // for the last time

like hello??

snow on the beach — timkon & damijon from tim's and damian's perspective

life is emotionally abusive // and time can't stop me quite like you did // and my flight was awful, thanks for asking // i'm unglued, thanks to you

literally obsessed

but your eyes are flying saucers from another planet // now i'm all for you like Janet // can this be a real thing? can it?

you're on your own, kid — look. we all know yoyok is kon's song. look me in the eyes and try to tell me it's not a kon el song i won't listen. might as well argue with the wall. the way those lyrics carry so much loneliness but also so much hope at the same time. the way this songs feels like the most heartbreaking thing you've ever experienced in your life but still manages to also feel like a hug and a pat on the back from a big brother/sister? c'mon

'cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned // everything you lose is a step you take // so make the friendship bracelets // take the moment and taste it // you've got no reason to be afraid

you're on your own, kid // yeah, you can face this // you're on your own, kid // you always have been

midnight rain — the more i listen to it the more it feels like birdflash, even though i'm not the big dick/wally shipper but i like the whole concept of them being best buddies who took a shot at trying to be something more than friends but it just didn't work out in a long run. and they are both pretty much okay with this now but sometimes they can't help but wonder if one thing had been different would everything be different?? if you know you know

'cause he was sunshine, i was midnight rain // he wanted it comfortable, i wanted that pain // he wanted a bride, i was making my own name // chasing that fame, he stayed the same // all of me changed like midnight

question...? — timkon & damijon once again. what can i say, midnights very tim and damian coded. though i feel like this one could be more of a kon's and jon's perspective

can i ask you a question? did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room // and every single one of your friends was making fun of you // but fifteen seconds later they were clapping too? // then what did you do?

vigilante shit — selina & jason. it's bruce bashing o'clock my dudes

draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man // you did some bad things, but i'm the worst of them // sometimes i wonder which one will be your last lie // they say looks can kill and i might try

i don't dress for women // i don't dress for men // lately i've been dressing for revenge

bejeweled — dick grayson & stephanie brown. sorry i will not elaborate on this one. this is dick grayson and stephanie brown

sapphire tears on my face // sadness became my whole sky // but some guy said my aura's moonstone // just 'cause he was high

and we're dancin' all night // and you can try to change my mind // but you might have to wait in line // what's a girl gonna do // a diamond's gotta shine

labyrinth — having hard time with this one actually. either dick or tim i guess, the whole "oh no, i'm falling in love again" narrative seems to feet them the most (i love the way they both love people around them so deeply, to the point where it sometimes becomes painful. like i GET it. you know)

you know how much i hate that everybody just expects me to bounce back // just like that

karma — just batsiblings in general (mostly dick tho i would say)

sweet nothings — timkon & damijon & birdflash. honestly i don't even want to explain, the song speaks for itself in a much better way than i ever could

'cause they said the end is coming // everyone's up to something // i find myself running home to your sweet nothings // outside, they're push and shoving // you're in the kitchen humming // all that you ever wanted from me was nothing

industry disruptors and soul deconstructors // and smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other // and the voices that implore, "you should be doing more" // to you, i can admit that i'm just too soft for all of it

mastermind — top timkon song and top tim drake song fr, i could write essays. with this beautiful plot twist at the end of the song... like it's just them my guys. and the bridge has the most tim-coded lyrics i've ever seen

no one wanted to play with me as a little kid // so i've been scheming like a criminal ever since // to make them love me and make it seem effortless // this is the first time i've felt the need to confess

and i swear // i'm only cryptic and machiavellian 'cause i care

"you're on your own kid" kon-el/"anti-hero" tim drake can be something so personal actually

[lemonandlime22]

Can request more bitey child but with Floyd, jade and the scarabia duo please. You can ignore this is you want. Ps I love your writing it makes me smile and every time. And it helps when my depression get really bad.

Floyd, Jade, Kalim, and Jamil with a scrawny and bitey Child!Yuu

Warning(s): llllloooonnngggg sry

A/N: omg!!! you are far too sweet! Im crying!! so is my friend! i showed them

[Bitey child!Yuu Masterlist]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Floyd

In all honesty he hadn't heard of a child at NRC at all

which is surprising because you are pretty popular

popular in a crypted sort of way

people talk about you like an urban legend, an omen, a warning, etc.

Anyway,

when he found out about your vibe check was when he saw you performed it on crocodile (Sebek) for the 10th time, which I'll talk about in his if I do it.

He thought it was funny and very interesting and instantly told Jade.

Now something about the tweels is that their bad vibe can be sensed by babies, small children, and animals within a 65 foot radius of either of them

so you, being a small child, could feel Floyds almost instantly but you had no idea where it was coming, so you just bit Sebek harder.

Don't worry tho, you do get to bite him later on

which he thought was kinda cute and a little annoying

he did notice that your bite is weaker than it could be, probably because you don't have pointy teeth, so he decided to give you some tips

Overall, ✩ new sibling acquired ✩

Jade

Similarly with Azul, he had heard of you and your biting habit, from Floyd, before he personally met you

he thought it was amusing to see a probably human child have such an affinity for something like this,

its far more common for best men children and mer, any type, children to do something like that.

When you try to bite him for the first time, it didn't go so well

keyword: Try.

He was making his way to class when he heard small lil, almost inaudible, footsteps

glancing behind him, he saw a small child, he was shocked but remembered the bitey child Floyd had told him about.

But he didn't want to get bit, not rn at least, so he just moved out of the way in the last second, which shocked you but you tried again

and failed, again.

This went on for a few minutes with you trying to bite him and him dodging

now not being able to assert your dominance to something big scary and dangerous was very new, you can't really name a time when you couldn't bite someone

so you did the next best thing you could

cry, either for help or out of fear.

So imagine Jade's surprise to seeing a once very motivated child trying to bite him, now out of breath and crying

he had no idea what to do, another new thing to happen today,

but thankfully another student came along to calm you down.

Overall, He doesn't have much of an opinion of you rn, but he is considering letting you bite him just once so you can stop avoiding him and crying anytime you couldn't, it was getting annoying.

Kalim

Kailm, had also heard of you before he met you

tho he didn't know about your biteyness

all he knew is that there was a child living in the abandoned dorm

he did really want to meet you, it been a while since he could spoil a little kid, but for some reason, Jamil would always remind him of things he needed to do right before he was going to visit you

weird but probably just a coincidence.

But, lucky him, when he was making his way to class he heard very loud panicked crying

now he is very much acquainted with this type of crying due to him having over 30 little siblings

so he knew instantly that it was coming from a child

and being one of the only decent people in this godforsaken school, he went to help the small child.

when he got to them he kneeled down and opened his arms

but before he could say anything, they just hugged him

didn't move their hands to see who it was

didn't stop crying

nothing

he didn't mind it tho and happily hugged you back, an started comforting you.

After calming you down, he invited you to a feast after school where you ate as much as your little stomach could hold, and Grim way more than his could.

He also let you stay the night and gifted you some small toys and trinkets.

Overall, he enjoys your company and likes to spoil you with gifts, whether that be food or toys. Like Trey, you remind him of his little siblings and hanging out with you makes him feel a bit more at home.

Jamil

Jamil had heard of you pretty early compared to the Tweels and Kalim

he also saw you bite random students early on too.

Now, I don't know if I've mentioned this yet, but,

no one knows why you bite people

some people have their theories but the majority think your just some crazy kid that bites people at random.

Jamil is a part of the majority on this, so he makes sure to keep you far away from Kalim and himself

I mean who knows the number of germs a small child like you would have in their mouth.

This obviously fails, though he was relieved to hear you hadn't bit Kalim

he thought he was also in the clear

wwweeeeellllllllllllllllllllllll,

he was wrong.

You bit his hand as soon as Kalm left the room

ngl, the reason you bit him was partly because you were stressed from not being able the bite Jade earlier and being in a new place.

Anyway,

he wanted to use his unique magic on you but you had ran to find Kailm before he could.

Overall, like most, he's curious as to why you do this and if he had more free time he might try and find out, but he don't so. For a long time he found you very annoying, but who knows what could happen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[lieutenantbiscute]

So I’ve been thinking about it a while and the rise boys are gonna be different then they are in the show. Like splinter was hella depressed and that affected how the kids grew up

Like Raph was the oldest and had to play parent when dad couldn’t

Leo didn’t get enough attention or praise so he started doing it himself making him look full of himself

Donnie also didn’t get enough attention causing him to seek it out wherever he could sometimes ignoring red flags

Mikey had to be the family therapist to take care of his brothers mental health because no one else could

But being raised by the 12 boys? They’d be better off. Even just a little bit. I think some stuff would still shine through but maybe for different reasons. In Japanese culture who is the oldest sibling means a lot. Splinter raised Leo like that and I think wether he means to or not he’s gonna treat Ralphie the same way (Raph doesn’t want to do that to him coz he saw what a toll it took on Leo) which means Ralphies not gonna go savage mode when he’s alone or have as bad separation anxiety

Leon and Danny are going to get enough attention and praise here meaning Leon for sure is gonna seem less full of himself maybe even have less self esteem issues. Danny is way less likely to ignore red flags because an adult showed some interest in him

And Mikey might still have dr delicate touch but I feel like that would come about more as being the youngest and needing a tough personality to clash with his brothers

Tho of course spending that time with Draxum is defo gonna leave it’s mark on the kids (but that’s another ask)

The boys are definitely better off in the au!

A fun Idea that kinda came from this was Ralphie and Leon sharing the leader role once Sensei Leo makes the call. Ralphie as eldest HAS been carrying the burden of leader for a while so Leo decides the have him split leadership with Leon early on.

This leads to a bit of tension between Ralphie and Leon early on but the two talk it out, and talk with Leo about it. Leo knows the burden of Eldest Son so he wants to lessen it by splitting it up between two.

Few years down the line Leon and Ralphie and full functioning leaders of the younger Hamato’s. Hell even sometimes they let Danny and Mikey call the shots to have them get a feel for leadership!

With Danny and Leon both definitely get all the attention they wanted when they were younger (my Mona and Uncle Mikey respectively) so if anything they reallly lean into the theater kid aspect but without the need for attention nor constant validation. They know how good they are.

They do still have huge egos though because of it. But recognize much more obvious red flags now.

Mikey not having to use Dr. Delicate touch as often leads to the persona being left at its early stages of Mikey being is say emotionally sensitive to those around him? Like he can read a room in an instant and can read people better. Just because the boys weren’t raised by Rise splint doesn’t mean he hasn’t seen PTSD episodes and the like.

Very much a person who still tries to help everyone emotionally.

Ralphie definitely has more confidence in his brothers, though he still haggles a bit about Little Mikey going out on a mission alone. Who knows his brothers can handle themselves pretty well in a fight, Leon and his silver tongue, Danny and his use of brain games and Mikey with his mastery of ‘Ninja Vanish’.

They can work well on their own and greater when together. Ralphie definitely heads a more ‘bad cop’ vibes to Leon’s ‘suave-cop’, which he uses to his advantage with his size and appearance.

His still a softhearted turtle under that spiky shell, and yes sometimes he doesn’t like being seen as the scary one but it has its advantages! Especially when you’re well trained in a fight.