#the rain episode in particular did stuff to me

[shoechoe]

I find it kind of funny that I have personal friends who say they were terrified of ZIM episodes like Dark Harvest when they were little kids. Personally when I was younger I was never bothered by Zim's freaky alien torture stuff in the slightest (in fact I adored those episodes lol). Instead, the scenes that really bothered me to the point that they were hard to watch were the ones with Dib pressuring Zim to eat Earth food (knowing he's repulsed or actively hurt by it) and doing stuff like splashing him with water (which burns his skin) and laughing when he gags and screams in pain. When I was little the cafeteria food in my school regularly made me gag and cry attempting to eat and I had a lot of sensory issues in general that could make school very unenjoyable so scenes like that hit way harder for me than they probably were intended to

[rararazaquato]

Tell us more about le cartoon version of Raincode you have please.

Like of other characters appearing and more dynamics, including episodes.

oh BABY you're in for a treat!!!

i have a whole google doc planned out for this thing, despite me having no animation experience gjgkhkh... this is gonna be the Public Lore Dump Post btw, and spoilers for all of rain code will be under the cut.

so the concept for this whole thing came about while watching the animations of youtuber OkayScreamingNow. super cool animation btw, their "psycho teddy" animation moderately blew up but i'm a huge fan of their "everybody likes you" video.

between watching those, a ton of aimkid videos, wince media's meat bun song, and nicktendo's mighty b review, i started feeling really nostalgic for mid-late 2000s animation, the stuff i grew up on. growing up creepie, yin yang yo, kenny the shark, all these were shows i adored as a kid. so, combined with my current rain code fixation, this little au came to be!

the general conceit of this au is that "Master Detective Archives" is a 2008 animated children's program that lasted for 20 episodes and is majority lost media. only a couple episodes exist in the bowels of shitty piracy sites, and even then those sites keep getting taken down. the more screenshots and concept art i make, the more is "revealed" about the show.

one of the things that interests me the most about children's media is how people worked around the censors. a lot of people are familiar with the story of the ren and stimpy adult party cartoon. for those who aren't familiar, when john "god's mistake" kricfalusi created an adult oriented reboot of ren and stimpy, the show was dogshit. with the new ability to rely on the crutch of whatever grossout sexual humor it wanted, it became a massive stain on john k's career (he has had other horrific stains both before and after apc, but i need to stress, no one liked apc).

for a more positive example, i love pretty much all of jhonen vasquez's work, but i find the humor and even some of the horror of invader zim to be more interesting than the same stuff in jthm, because iz was working under far stricter standards and practices.

what i'm trying to get at is that i enjoy the challenge of seeing how i can take concepts and make them more kid-friendly while still keeping the intrigue and interest the concepts originally had. i worked at a summer camp in 2022, and the driving force behind this little project was "keeping rain code camp-appropriate, but also keeping it interesting".

this ethos will hopefully explain some of the Big Changes i made to the story and characters. i do want to stress that i do not think i am improving on the original work. i think rain code is a story that, inherently, works better as an m-rated, gritty, cyberpunk-y murder mystery. i've just always been uniquely fascinated by this particular genre shift.

so, first major change: nocturnal detective agency has turned into nocturnal detective academy. this is a place where young minds, particularly those with supernatural powers, go to hone their craft. or at least... it was. now it's run exclusively by three people: headmaster Zange Eraser, school nurse and therapist Melami Goldmine, and teacher (and everything else) Yakou Furio.

i grew up with a book series called school of fear, which was about a small group of kids with severe phobias being sent to help conquer their fears at a highly rated school. however, it was actually just a kooky old lady and her massive mansion, and while she helped the kids get over their fears, she did it in unorthodox and occasionally darkly humorous ways. i remember a scene in the books where she put the claustrophobe and the kid afraid of death in a coffin for a few hours, and while that is absolutely NOT how exposure therapy works, the idea of a school that's just a few adults running a lowkey scam out of their house has always tickled my funny bone.

so the nda is a school, teaching detective skills and the like. of course, because yakou is my beautiful failwife, he mostly just sends his students out into the city of Kanai Ward to do their own investigative work and report back with what they've learned... as long as they don't get in trouble with Hecksmile or his goons, at least!

yeah, the other big change is that the peacekeepers are more like team rocket than corrupt cops. while i agree that the police suck, and a lot of older cartoons seem to share that sentiment (even some newer ones like gravity falls), having all the villains be evil, corrupt cops seems like a recipe to get s&p on your ass. so now, the cops just don't do anything, and Hecksmile and his goons just wreak havoc whenever they feel like it.

(i've already explained the hecksmile bit in a previous post, but i dont think any of the other names would need changing. maybe if this was the 90s, desuhiko and fubuki would get their names changed to something more eurocentric, but this isn't the 90s and that stuff was cringe even back then.)

there are only seven students at the academy, and i've de-aged these characters to be more relatable to the target audience: our main character yuma, halara, desuhiko, fubuki, vivia, pucci, and aphex. i'll detail them a bit here, because yakou, zange, and melami can all stay pretty similar (actually, melami doesn't randomly feel up strangers to get their clothing measurements anymore, but that's a pretty minor change).

yuma is still our main character, acting as the straight man and audience surrogate. the whole "number one" twist isn't really a thing with how this whole plot is set up, so his awkward and generally "scrunkly" attitude from the game is his natural state here. though none of the ages of the characters are specified, he's often called out as the youngest detective, probably in his preteens or early teenagehood. his coalescence is used for a lot of teamwork-based solutions to problems, but he isn't that great at actual mystery-solving.

this is where shinigami comes in! in the first episode, after some hijinks, yuma accidentally summons a death god. fortunately, he summons a teenage death god. she can only appear in her cool human form in her summoner's dreams, she can't interact with anyone in the physical world except her summoner, and she doesn't even have her reaper's license yet! regardless, she likes having a friend, so she helps yuma see things from different perspectives. i figured death spirits wouldn't be off the table, exactly (i mean, look at billy and mandy), but i think there's a certain humor in a death god not being able to do any soul reaping. i like to think she talks about it like her driver's license. "ugh, i'm not allowed to reap any souls until i'm 16 thousand years old! i'm only 14 thousand!!!" because of her teenagerdom, her human form is going to be far less sexualized. also because i think her canon outfit is a little ugly.

halara doesn't change much from canon. very mysterious and intimidating. no one knows their gender because everyone's too afraid to ask (and to find out, you'd have to pay them about $100 in cash). they still love cats but have an allergy to them, they still don't trust people, etc.

desuhiko changes a lot from canon. he's less actively creepy and more of a wannabe romantic. he has a tendency to fall for grown women, although he has absolutely no chance with any of them. this is played for laughs.

fubuki is another character who doesn't change much from canon. obscenely rich and super out of touch with everything around her. has occasional bursts of intelligence for comedy.

vivia is still everyone's favorite emo sadboy, writing poetry in the fireplace. his passive suicidal ideation, though interesting to explore in media made for adults, is very dangerous to put in a children's show, so we're nixing that. instead, he's just real sleepy and goth. he's also the least interested in doing actual detective work, so when he and yuma are investigating together, it gives yuma a chance to take the lead.

pucci doesn't change much from canon, but admittedly, we don't know too much about her. she's sensitive to noise, very thoughtful and introspective, but very awkward around people being nice to her.

and aphex. what to say about aphex. i don't like aphex for a number of reasons (anyone who played with jpn audio can back me up on this one), but the idea of someone who is initially violent and cruel becoming your (still somewhat violent and cruel) ally is a fun character trope to me. my go-to example is buford from phineas and ferb, and i think that's the role aphex would play. initially a threat, but eventually becomes softer and more well-developed. well, if the show got more seasons.

and that's our main cast! i could talk about kurumi, makoto, and martina, as i have a lot of cool ideas for them, but i have been writing this for like an hour and i think i need to chill ahaha... ty for the ask!!!

[initiumseries]

Can you list the best asian dramas you ever watched?

Oh 100%. Now this is in no particular order. So I'm gonna combine best and most compelling. Some dramas I watched weren't necessarily "The Best" but they held onto me and I think that's worth noting.

Goblin The Great and Lonely God

This drama, is a drama I'd pay money to have my brain wiped of memories of so I could watch it again for the first time. Everything about it is so good, so emotional, and it's literally changed the landscape of kdramas since.

Touch Your Heart

Lee dong wook and Yoo in na's reunion drama right after goblin is EXACTLY what we needed and it was such a perfect, quintissential romantic comedy drama. Exactly what got me into kdramas in the first place.

Hi Bye Mama

I've said this before, but this drama was...whew. It's weirdly slept on, because it's the first drama that made me CRY, cry. So worth the watch.

Navillera

Not necessarily the best kdrama I've ever watched, but you put young people in need of a parental figure and old people in need of a young person together and you've got me HOOKED. I will watch ANYTHING kdrama related with young folks and their grandparents. I'm very close with my grandfather so this drama MESSED ME UP. So emotional, so good.

Something In the Rain

this drama was like...it took over my life, made me SO FUCKING ANGRY, and then like ruined me. Their chemistry was INSANE, and it elevated the emotionality of their relationship. Also the cinematography was so...thoughtful. They deliberately filmed it so their intimate moments felt like we were spying on them a bit, and I really liked that idea of seeing them behind bookcases while they're cuddling to watch tv etc. They felt like a real couple.

Crash Landing On You

It's just a drama you have to watch. Nothing I can say about it will make sense. But when you watch it and see them AND the second leads together? Bro.

Princess WeiYoung

This was one of the first c-dramas I actually sat through. The backbiting, the scheming, the costumes, the sets, HOOKED me. I was IN. And THEN their chemistry?!?! LOOK at how he's LOOKING at her. Ugh.

The Rise of the Phoenixes

So, I know I'm alone in this, but this was one of the most thorough and intense dramas I've seen. The attention to detail really resonated with me. It's like, the definition of a slow burn, but their chemistry is CRAZY, the acting is top tier, the sets, the costumes, the drama. It was all just such a feast. Even the fact that, there was no dub for this drama, the actors read all the really challenging poems they recited themselves, the meaning behind everything, was sooo cool. The director's cut saved it, I know, but I felt like they could've cut some stuff out to keep it tight. Such a melancholy drama from beginning to end.

The Story of Yanxi Palace

I am a messy bitch who lives for drama and yanxi palace DELIVERS. All the women are insane, and compelling, and NASTY. And I LIVE for that. I've been watching kdramas a long time, and I was so happy when they finally got to the point of making their female leads have personalities and not be doormats. So when I started getting into c-dramas, the thing that hooked me was that the lead female characters were often women with strong personalities, smart, and simply limited by the circumstances of the world they live in, but even with those restrictions, they exercise such power within those boundaries that I LOVE. This drama does all that and more. A+.

Misty

this drama is so tough for me and zalrb. It was SO COMPELLING to watch. Kim Nam Joo is RIVETING to watch, and it was her comeback drama and boy did she come BACK. I remember rushing home from work to watch the next episode because I had NO idea where it was gonna go, and the TENSION between her and the guy not her husband was STRESSFUL. But whew the fucking whiffed it at the end. It's so unfortunate because a tight ending would've sent me over the edge. But alas, this was (minus the ending) one of the most compelling kdramas I've ever watched.

Till the End of the Moon

Jesus christ. This drama was so FRUSTRATING. But their relationship was compelling, HE was compelling. Tantai Jin was SO incredibly interesting to watch and it felt like watching an actor level up as you're watching. I'm generally not a fan of fantasy C-dramas bc the cg is ALWAYS awful. But I just ffwrd through most of that stuff to watch the relationship stuff. I felt like there was a stronger way to tell this story, but they were compelling.

I feel like I might be missing some but these are the ones I thought of right away.

[queennai714]

Random hcs I have because I may be cringe but I'm free part 17 (Ninjago)

My personal opinions on how each of the guys (core four) dance. I'm gonna adhere to canon as much as possible but I have a few of my own little thoughts to add. (adding a cut because this one is pretty long and I know (from what i've seen anyway) that some people are really particular and cringe easily when it comes to dance hcs for some reason

Cole: He's amazing. Duh. Bro went to Marty Oppenheimer..for a while. He can dance flawlessly and you can tell he genuinely loves it but is only really well-versed in the more classical/formal styles and has been slowly but surely getting into other stuff (mostly cause of Jay) however, he canonically knows how to Micheal Jackson dance and I will NEVER be forgetting that.

Jay: Bro can DANCE omfg did you guys see s12. Jay def prefers more upbeat and modern stuff and he only really does formal/partner work with Nya, but I also get the feeling that he'd be really into shuffles and cool footwork for some reason.

Kai: It's a pretty common hc that Kai likes clubbing atp right? Like, bro only knows that 'letting loose on a Friday night to ear-bleeding bass' style (but is still weirdly good at it) and if anybody tries to get him to learn actual steps you have to adhere to? He would probably laugh in their face ngl, but secretly? That boy can Tango. I know for a fact that he would only learn cause its the typical 'hot and romantic' dance but then he realizes he actually likes it a lot and learns the male and female parts so he can freestyle alone when he's bored. The vision is vivid ok don't judge me

Zane: Ngl this one was pretty hard cause the only dancing we see from Zane is Sweatin to the Goldies and when he does the funny switch gag, which are both more jokes and him just executing a command than anything, but I feel like he can definitely download and replicate any dance steps he wants, so if I had to guess I would say that he prefers the upbeat and fun but still very coordinated style (think Blade Cup episode, or Singin in The Rain, cause that was my first thought and now you need to have it too)

[hamofjustice]

Pokemon S/V Fanfic is coming

(edit: don't count on these to still be what i'm working on but the title is still true)

for the people who follow me because i yell about pokemon scarlet and violet in general or nemona arven or penny in particular, or who just see me in the tags a lot: i have (at least) two decent length nemona-centric stories in progress right now that i might start episodically posting after we've played the indigo disk DLC for a while. there isn't any in this post but i did want to talk a bit about it (under a read more so i can pin it without being too annoying lmao)

while i was tempted to dump the start of both right now, i should probably wait until i'm more prepared and everyone's finished the DLC and gotten their hunger for SV content back. plus there might be some key characterization or worldbuilding stuff in there

that's right, getting blueballed by the end of basegame acting like we'd live happily ever after and hang out and adventure together more once the credits rolled, followed by a year of that not happening and trailers pretending none of it mattered and nemona and friends don't need us and aren't the main characters of the story (deep breath) did in fact turn me into the joker a fanfic writer like i thought it might

After The Rain and Biri Biri officially showing a glimpse of how I see the story - and implying that maybe it's more canon than i had cynically resigned myself to believe - has only rekindled the flames hotter

i've been working on extensive character personality and subtextual implications studies and RP practice in preparation for this. for fun. help me

anyway, if everything pans out and i don't can or rethink either of these fics, they'll both be canon-typical age-rating adventures (but still more intense in other ways) that i think so far have a good mix of drama, action, fluff, and humor if i do say so myself:

one, about an established juliana x nemona dynamic in the postgame as they meet brand-new characters and challenges together with their friends, that fleshes out juliana more as a character in her own right (or at least one possible take on her)

and the other, an alternate timeline of the main story where a different kid moves in next door and everything else goes off-script from there, because the only way juliana/florian isn't the most important person on earth to nemona is if they never met

and that's all i'll say for now. look forward to these Eventually(tm) along with anything else i feel like making a whole thing or at least a oneshot

[pharahsgf]

i:m sad lwj gets such a bad rep from jc fans and non wangxian fans in general. he's so good... i struggle to put into words why i like him but he's such a good character. he deserves to not be made ooc in fandom stuff :,|

g-d fr. anyway here's my incomplete list of things i like about lan wangji in no particular order

his resting bitch face and intimidating icy exterior hide a soft and romantic heart but also he is genuinely a bitch and intimidating and would stab someone for disrespecting his husband

the fact that he would stab someone for disrespecting his husband

very strong 'would get rained on to hold his umbrella over a tiny stray cat' energy

when jin zixun tries to peer pressure him into drinking only for lan wangji to 1. not care 2. make the gayest most openly homosexual expression humanly possible when wei wuxian swoops in to save him, no shame whatsoever

every time a social event occurs you see lan wangji sitting somewhere by himself just staring peacefully into the middle distance and thinking lwj thoughts and i always get the distinct impression that lan xichen went to him beforehand like "wangji i know you don't like to socialise but you should really try talking to some people today, it'll be good for you and you might make some new friends" and lan wangji was like hm and proceeded to not do any of that

it's such a stupid cute detail that lan wangji buried a'yuan in a pile of bunnies. like what the hell. i am on the verge of tears

conversation: *gets personal* lwj: *leaves*

his little smirk when he calls wwx boring in ep8 like you can almost see the photoshopped sunglasses and hear denzel curry's ultimate

he's considered an unequaled prodigy when it comes to guqin abilities and inquiry specifically like he can communicate with ghosts by playing music and they're not even physically able to lie to him how is that not the coolest shit ever

HE SAID BYE TO THE BUNNIESSSS

wwx doesn't even expect to be doted on and treated like a princess after coming back lan wangji did that entirely on his own volition. wei wuxian just exists in peace and lan wangji will start picking him up and throwing money at him and composing soaring love ballads dedicated to his beauty

the fact that despite all this he will hesitate for exactly zero seconds to make fun of wwx when he's acting stupid

very strong emotional inertia causing his character to be in a near-constant state of mourning as represented visually by his white clothing and the frost/snow motif that accompanies the respective apotheoses of said mourning. which, in addition to being genuinely heart-wrenching, FUCKS as an aesthetic

associated with rabbits and dragons, easily two of the coolest animals

episode 43 drives me insane. lan wangji with his hair down dressed down domestic as fuck bringing wwx emperor's smile and setting out tea and playing their song, laying no expectations on wwx but making it clear that he's welcome and wanted and offering his love and warmth for wwx when he's ready... augh romance, tenderness, throwing bouquets and roses

"you are not qualified to speak to me"

he's canonically good at math which isn't relevant to anything but i do feel like it adds a new dimension to his character

he wrote a gentle, soul-baring, beautiful song that silently confesses his love for a person who remembered the melody even decades after first hearing it and then made its title a portmanteau of their names

kneel.

*spends 3 years in seclusion to learn from & reflect on his grave sin of defending and siding with wwx the evil demonic cultivator* *returns to immediately add wwx the evil demonic cultivator's inventions to the core curriculum*

was a cute baby so you know he's blessed

he's one of the best if not Thee best cultivator of his generation yet refuses to indulge in the narcissistic posturing his peers engage in and instead uses his privilege and access to exclusive resources to serve lower class people completely for free.. yes lord

*grips sword handle to communicate emotional issues*

very polite and well spoken and clearly well-versed in all kinds of etiquette but if he hates you he has no qualms about being as rude and disrespectful as he reasonably can (pov you are jiang cheng)

he is very fundamentally misunderstood by almost everyone he's ever met and when wwx starts figuring him out and realising what makes him tick he's entirely resistant and hostile to his intrusions despite deeply craving that intimacy and acknowledgement.... mortifying ordeal of being known in its purest form truly. i want to study him in a lab

how he slowly goes from being distant and frosty and rejecting all of wwx's offers of friendship to being so warm and attentive towards him and you look at those gifsets of early lwj vs later lwj and it's like the first rays of sun after a long winter like he's radiant

ally to bi women (nice to mianmian)

when he was punished alongside wwx jc & nhs the first blow landed and he didn't even FLINCH, he sat there back straight and chin up with the dignity of a king and wwx was so impressed he caught himself mid-overreaction to follow lan wangji's example. absolutely iconic

188cm

the fact that he spends the entire gusu lectures arc in an ongoing emotional crisis bc wei wuxian is too attractive and he doesn't know how to deal w it

there have been zero small animals who didn't immediately trust lan wangji with their life so again. blessed

[goodoldfashionedengineer]

Two hours passed since I watched the TOH season 2 finale. There was a lot to take in. The fandom is probably discussing season 3 but season 2 only now became available in my country and that's why I'm only talking about it now.

Here are my thoughts about TOH season 2 in no particular order:

I strive for a friendship like the kind Lilith and Hooty have

Showing that the Golden Guard acts like a teenager is the best they could have done after revealing that he is a teenager

Speaking of Hunter: It was so great to see him in a team

And caring about Flapjack. What a duo

I love the filter they used on the voice with the diaries

When Hooty ate the letter I got soo mad

I really wanted to punch our favourite tube demon in that moment

But only in that moment because he does care about his residents

I wish we learned more about Gus. I want to learn more about him

His despair when the illusions kick in

Calling himself dumb because "ge should have known" even though he was supposed to be the smart guy

Why do some witches have these magic "boosts"? Gus' eyes turn blue and he is in an illusion. Willow's eyes turn green and ranks appear out of the ground. Why is that? Will we get an explanation to this? It only happened with a specific type of magic

I knew Belos was Phillip when he said he was in the human realm and then proceeded to talk about how nice it is there. Added with the diary entry of Phillip talking about the reflections of the lake, my beliefs only grew stronger

RAINE! RAINE WHISPERS! I like them so much. They don't really seem like a rebel because of their stage freight but they nail it.

Raine's Rhapsody. Eda's Requiem. That... That episode did something to me emotionally. Like someone poked at my heart.

I am more invested in adult characters in cartoons if they are established well. So Raines is an awesome addition

Raine and Eda are star-crossed lovers. I don't know how often I said it while watching the series. They are. They are so beautiful. They care so much about each other.

Raine introduced Eda to Apple Blood, her favourite drink

Raine and Eda met each other but they alread had such a strong bond that they decided to attack a coven head and they didn't even have to say it.

Raine wanted to keep Eda safe. And Eda just ignores the suspicious stuff Luz says if Luz mentions Raine

"Rainstorm"

I'll talk about Raine again

It's so refreshing to see a cartoon family where noone is abusive or absent but it's not completely perfect, not by far.

I am speaking of the Clawthorne family

Her mom didn't disown her, she wants to help but didn't realise that she was causing more harm than helping

Lilith in that episode was me. Lilith, I understand you. Oldest child struggles with being overlooked because you are "self-sufficient" (which you only are because you had to be)

I cried when Gwendolyn apologised to Lilith. That was really nice to see. I rewatched that scene three times and it did help

Eda's dad doesn't hate her

Eda blames herself for the attack

I like how that one was revealed. In a dream of a past memory

Hunter starting to dig a grave because he failed. He did what we all want to do in these moments. And he is still joking.

I was confused when Darius was nice to Hunter because he finally made friends. I was confused because I saw Darius as that bad guy because he captured Raine.

That he is against the Emperor as well makes much more sense

Hunter has a Penstagram account

It took me way too long to realise that those skulls the Titan Trappers wear are just masks

This found family in this show

Eda being vulnerable after always being represented as this snarky clever witch. She cares about her loved ones. She didn't fight Lilith to get into some stupid coven, she sees Luz and King as her children

She regrets not accepting help

Flapjack flying to Hunter was such a nice moment. Hunter believed genuinely that the Emperor was great by giving him magic, letting him keep all magic, gaving him clothes and food and one day off a year

Belos gave Hunter a way to do magic

But Flapjack was his

Birds represent freedom and Flapjack was the first step in freeing himself from Belos

So nice to learn that Eda carved Owlbert with her dad and now she wants to carve a Palismen with Luz

Hunter is a nerd (affirmative)

I like how Amity stopped her dad of giving her a hug. You don't need to forgive someone everything just because they are family

I like how Alador changed sides and wants to get to know his kids. It took way too long tho. But Odalia is suffocating. No weekend of in five years?! Come on. That's going to lead to a divorce

I also like how they give backstories even to small characters. Lile Edric.

Also those cloaking stones are so smart

Lumity was dorky and awkwardin the best way possible

Amity wanting to be an awesome girlfriend. And knowing just what her GF would say

I laughed so hard when it was revealed that Amity was the only one who bought the Good Witch Azura books

I cried so much when Luz picked flowers for her dad.

And Amity was with her

Why did Belos look like this in his mindscape

Do I already want to talk about it?

The season finale?

Okay, let's get over this

The plan with making Eda Coven head seemed so risky and I had a bad feeling.

It was right

Maybe they should have gone with Darius plan

It was so painful to see Eda getting a sigil. That was her thing, being the most powerful witch because she wasn't bound to a coven and was wild

And she gave it up for all the people she loves

I looove The Collectord character design. When he is imprisoned but also when he is free. A child with unimaginable powers obky a Titan could compete against.

He is a child but is overpowered. Not a teen, a child. This was so awesome

Even when dying Raine is doing everything to keep their promise and keep Eda safe...

I didn't got closure on that ship

I didn't got any closure

What happened after they where stranded in the human world

Probably going to find out in season 3

I thought because the episode was called "King's Tide" King is going to transform into his giant Titan form and gain new powers or something like this and save the day

Instead he saved his big sisters by letting go

I am probably going to make another post but those are all my thoughts I can think of in this moment so I am going to stop there. I am soo overwhelmed.

[mannatea]

Predictably asking for Symphonia for the fandom meme!

I stan. 🙏

the first character i ever fell in love with: Raine. Even as a teenager she was my favorite and I loved her immediately.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: I actually think I used to really like Zelos and found him hilarious when I was a teenager myself, and now I'm like 😨 about half of what he does and says. Yikes, bro. It actually makes me wonder how differently he would be written if the game was coming out for the first time now, because a lot of the stuff in the game just would NEVER fly these days.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: Ah. Behold, my personal cringe: I used to ship Kratos/Raine. It didn't last very long because my fellow shippers in 2004 made me abandon ship entirely & do a heelturn toward my current OTP out of pure spite. If I'm being honest I was only shipping it because they were the only two adults in the party for a while, anyway, so it wasn't a serious attachment. 🙄 But like, it should be noted that this happened while I was in the middle of writing a love triangle fic. (My other personal cringe, shh.)

my ultimate favorite character™: RAINE, MY BELOVED. 🤍 I literally love every single thing about her.

prettiest character: You thought I was going to say Raine didn't you? WRONG. It's Yuan, actually. Look at him.

my most hated character: RODYLE. He's just so hateful.

my OTP: Regal/Raine. I will die on this hill, actually. (And have been quietly since late 2004.) This is the only ship I just won't compromise on. What can I say about it? Their dynamic just hits on a lot of notes that work exceedingly well for me personally. I won't write a manifesto here (you may thank me for holding back for your benefit) but I love both of them so much and think their personalities balance one another out incredibly well, which is a lot of fun to write.

my NOTP: Basically any Raine ship that isn't my OTP is a NOTP for me, though I do have two in particular I would consider NOTPs. IYKYK.

favorite episode skit: The My Sister skit. IT GETS ME EVERY TIME.

saddest death: Marble. SHE'S AN OLD WOMAN. PLEASE.

favorite season side plot/scene: Virginia, honestly. It messes me up every time. The doll haunts me to this day. Also, that they so INTENTIONALLY made Raine look exactly like her. Poor Raine just can't escape. And the trauma?? AHHHH.

least favorite season side plot/scene: That buffoonish Peeping Tom thing at the hot springs. I wanted more meaningful conversation with my girls and I had to deal with that instead. NO WAIT I HATE THE SCENE IN SYBAK LOOKING FOR THE LITTLE BOY'S MOM SO MUCH MORE. ZELOS'S BOOTSTRAPS SPEECH WAS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF READING, not because it wasn't 100% in character for him (HILARIOUSLY IT IS VERY IN CHARACTER 🤣) but because I feel like nobody else in the scene was written in a believable way—not Regal, not Colette, and not Lloyd. WTF WAS THAT SCENE?

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate am lukewarm about: Hate is a strong word here so I toned it down. I feel very lukewarm about Kratos. In fact, I'd go so far as to say his potential was a bit wasted just because they didn't bother to do enough with him.

my ‘you’re a piece of trash, but you’re still a fave well-liked’ fave: This is a hard one, because the trash characters are still trash to me. I'll maybe go with Kate or George for this. They both did terrible things but I still find them interesting and compelling as characters.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Colette, always. Also? Presea.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: I don't have one because you'll never see me shipping something like this. It's not my cuppa.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: This is a hard one. Maybe Genis/Presea for this? I think they are good for one another but they're both too young BY A LOT to really be thinking that deeply about things. However, their respect for one another and their compassion/understanding of what the other has been through could lead to something nice later in life. I'm not over those adorable skits where Genis asks for advice from others on what present to get for her and they all collectively give him the worst advice imaginable and he ends up buying her a whetstone because he KNOWS HER AS A PERSON and she LOVES THE GIFT. This is what peak performance looks like in a person, actually.

Thanks! ♥

[any-open-eye]

dear yuletide writer

Hello!

Thank you so much for signing up to write something for me!

In the past I’ve always started these sorts of things off with “i’m super easy to please! do whatever you want!” because I’m fantastically terrible at verbalizing what I’m into, but I’m going to at least TRY this time. Because although I’m sure I’ll like whatever you write for me, a little guidance never hurts.

A list of tropes and kinks I get really into, in no particular order: size difference, sex pollen/drugged sex, edging, ‘there was only one bed’, massage, overstimulation, cnc

stuff i am less jazzed on: scat, vomit, major character death. in general i tend to dislike elaborate bdsm scenarios, with props and safewords. i waive this slightly with the love in the air boys, since Payu IS an actual experienced dom, and him using this sort of thing is believable to me

I think what I like the very most is intensity. Physical intensity, emotional intensity. When something is too hard or too much. People being brought to the very edge of what they can stand. People fucking when they’re out of their mind or emotionally compromised.

Love in the Air - rain/sky or rainpayu

I was expecting a silly, trashy Mame show, and instead this drama absolutely punched me in the face. I mean, it’s still kind of silly and kind of trashy, but the actors have SO much chemistry, and the portrayal of trauma and sexual dynamics is really unexpectedly nuanced. Funny to say that and then be like, anyway, I’d like them all to fuck the shit out of each other, but there you go. I am what I am. 

For sky/rain - the episode where Sky made Rain kneel for thirty minutes at his feet made me feel crazy. I suspect Sky has been platonically domming his friend for a while now, but I would love to see it tip over into something sexy. They don’t have to actually get off, although they certainly can. Just an acknowledgement that it’s horny for both of them.

Can be pre-Payu, or Payu can be involved/down with it.

If you’re not feeling that, then some sort of rainpayu exhibitionism would be great. Anything from fucking in front of windows, to all of Payu’s motorcycle buddies come over to watch him fuck Rain.

Great Men Academy - Vier/Nuclear

I love Vier, he sucks so bad. But he’s trying! He’s trying so hard. I very much liked how Nuclear set Vier at ease, how he seemed to open up under his attention, rather than shut down, the way he did with other people. And then there’s the end, where Nuclear chews him out the way nobody else ever dares to!! Exquisite.

Anyway, I’d love something with Nuclear helping Vier through a sexuality crisis (possibly being the cause of that crisis).

Semantic Error - Chu Sangwoo/Jang Jaeyoung.

I literally JUST watched this show, and the size difference has my brain on fire. I’d like something kinking on that, from either POV. I just love angry guys being overwhelmed by big good boys. My friend described Jaeyoung as “sincere and whorish” which is truly the vibe.

Ideally I’d like Sangwoo being fucked, but if you’re not into that, even just him thinking about the physical experience of being with someone so much bigger than him would be cool. Especially considering he’s not a small person himself, Jaeyoung is just a giant. Some stuff dealing with Sangwoo’s insistence that love/feelings are irrational, but he can’t deny the way Jaeyoung makes him feel physically, would be very cool.

[ultraericthered]

Anime Update V2 32

Wolf’s Rain - While Cher has found herself in the presence of Lord Darcia, Cheza and the wolves got pursued by Quent and Blue. Quent clearly has it out for Toboe in particular, but we’ve not learned the exact details of why that is yet. But he legit pissed me off when he found Blue injured but rather than let the wolves go so that he could take care of her, he left her there and went after the wolves! I got so strangely invested in Blue here, and he does not deserve her!

Hunter x Hunter - Got to a part in the series that I’d seen before, the part where Neon sneaks away from her handlers to go see the auction and has dinner with Chrollo, who recieves a fortune telling from her and proceeds to knock her out when he’s done using her, and then conducts a symphony of mayhem and destruction as his underlings rampage and murder all over Yorknew City. Nice stuff!

Fruits Basket - Honestly a fairly forgettable and standard episode of Kyo and Tohru continuing to bond, except for the part with Kyo’s biological father. I can definitely say something about that: fuck Kyo Sohma’s sperm donor and what a selfish, abusive, cowardly and downright cruel piece of shit he is. Kazuma truly is Kyo’s real father.

Rozen Maiden - Have now watched the second AND third episodes of Zurückspulen, and the fact that I had to watch two this time should tell you something. Yeah. Zurückspulen, why the fuck did you not lead with that second episode? It’s easily a better starting point for this series, and the story we’re now following with adult Jun is super compelling and well paced! I l just loved watching this guy exchange messages with his own child self in an alternate timeline and have to build Shinku from his own materials, and the sequence with the endless mounds of doll parts was positively nightmarish to see. I also really like this Saitou character who’s Jun’s co-worker and possible girlfriend, and her being voiced by Margaret McDonald in the dub is very endearing. Just an incredible turnaround from last week. Shame about kid Jun’s voice, but his grown up counterpart eases the pain.

Fate Zero - Suddenly, an episode focused on little Rin Tohsaka! And damn, what a GREAT episode too! Did little to advance the stories of the other more prominent characters in this series, but it was just really satisfying to watch Rin, even at a younger age, be awesome and proactive with her magic and rescuing all the kids that Caster and his creepy serial killer master had abducted and planned on butchering like their past child victims. Also got another interesting look at what’s going on with Kariya, and why he wants to win the Holy Grail, something we sadly know the foregone conclusion to.

Revolutionary Girl Utena - Two episodes for this one too, covering the final duel between Utena w/ Anthy against Touga w/ Saionji. It’s really kind of sad that Touga wanted to betray End of the World and did had some semblence of romantic attraction to Utena, but it is now impossible for Utena to trust in him or return his affections because he’s proven himself time and again to be a horrible, manipulative, downright scummy person. So he reaps what he sews, and I’m just sad that Saionji had to also be dragged down with him. And now that Utena has unlocked the power to bring the world revolution, Akio and Anthy seem finaly ready to spring the final trap. Utena is not ready.

Senki Zesshou Symphogear - I will absolutely give Hibiki this much: she is a damn relatable lead character, even when she could easily fall into the trap of being a generic Cute Clumsy Girl in anime. Sure she’s not Kumiko Oumae, but I can still identify with her and understand her position when she states it to Tsubasa. When Miku ends up in danger (something not even Chris seemed to intend on), Hibiki is finally forced to out her secret to save her, and I like how she tried reasoning with Chris even while slugging her in the face and kicking her ass. But I do worry about what this power does to her...

AMC: Bakugan Battle Brawlers - Masquerade stole this episode like usual (best part was his exit, where he gives an unrestrained melodramatic delivery of “some day I will send you both to THE DOOM DIMENSION!”), though Runo and Marucho had a lot of great funny bits early on. But this brawl had a glaring weakness and it was....yeah, I’m sorry, still not on board with Shun as a character! Even if his voice acting in the dub wasn’t so laughably hokey, I just cannot buy him and his friendship with Dan when even the animation keeps him looking stitled and disapassionate as he’s talking about rediscovering the power of friendship and joining with the Brawlers. So I’m not feeling what Runo and Marucho are feeling at the end when I watch Dan and Shun reconcile their friendship because the show has done precious little to win me over to Shun and make me want to see him be Dan’s friend again - if anything, he tends to bring out the worst attitude in Dan, so they’re actually better off apart!

AND

Happy Sugar Life - Asahi has completely stepped off the deep end, becoming exactly the sort of cruel and controlling person he’s always been against. I knew it was going to happen eventually, but it’s no less disappointing to watch him spiral downward like that, even if he still retains some goodwill in that the victim of his cruelty here was Mitsuboshi. Satou, meanwhile, has come to terms with what she let her Auntie’s abusive upbringing twist her into, and how she’d not done well for herself or by Shio with her distorted view of love, so after finally railing against her abuser for how she’d failed her, Satou enlists said abuser’s help in setting up her final deadly scheme, one that will sacrifice the livelihoods and lives of who knows how many others so that the evidence of Shouko’s murder gets cleared away and the apartment is burned down all while Satou and Shio make their getaway to go seek out a new “castle” to live out their happy sugar life in. With the way this gets laid out, I can sort of tell that a lot of manga material had to be passed over and we’re sort of rushing to the story’s conclusion now. But it promises to be an intense one...

Oh and Mitsuboshi got ambushed by Auntie in the apartment and she’s now got him captive to do whatever to. Do I care? Not really!

[damn-stark]

Ch.11: Out of the shadows

Chapter 11 of Cherry

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy the chapter 😏

Warning- ANGST, LONG CHAPTER!, Talks of loss, violence, fluff, swearing, SLOWBURN.

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader,

Episodes- 3x38-3x39

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

“Is she still out there?”

Sasha looks out the big glass window and nods her head to confirm your wandering question. Albeit she doesn’t linger behind to worry over Historia like you were.

For days now, ever since arriving at the secluded cabin, Historia has liked to go outside a few minutes before the sun set to sit on the grass all by herself. She never asks for company, or explains why she does; mainly because she rarely speaks, but nevertheless she just sits outside all by herself and doesn’t return inside until the night has completely taken over the bright sky.

Except for today. Historia was outside, but there was no sunset to admire. The sky was invaded with dark clouds that brought rain to patter down onto the earth, making the air smell bitter and yet sweet, but not allowing the sky to give any clear indication when day transitioned into night. Not like Historia seemed to mind as she stayed under the rain, letting you build the courage to go speak to her. Even if it meant with you'd get dirty and soaked.

“Mind if I bring some light?” You ask her quietly as you set the lamp down beside her.

Historia slowly drags her eyes up to your face and right away notices the hesitance on your face. She doesn’t speak about it and instead shakes her head to answer your question before returning her gaze to nothing in particular.

“Okay,” you breathe out as you painfully sit down on the ground beside her. “Nice night, don’t you agree?”

“I suppose,” Historia shrugs gloomily.

You smile softly and lift your hand to watch the raindrops collect on your palm. “I love the sound of rain.” You ball your hand and turn it around to then open your fist and let the rain drip down from your hand. “Especially when I’m reading, I like to sit by a window, with tea and a book. It’s very comforting.” You blink to look back at her, seeing that your words went through one ear and left through the other. Her wavered attention didn't discourage you, it should have, but you stayed prominent to your spot and goal—“You know,” you continued in a much softer voice. “When I miss someone who’s gone, I like to wear something that belonged to them. It doesn’t smell like them anymore, but knowing that they used to wear it brings me comfort.” You sigh deeply and look down at your hands on your lap.

Historia finally pulls her attention from the dark horizon ahead and shifts her eyes to look at you. She stays quiet and let’s the sound of the rain falling on the roof of the cabin, and on the ground play uninterrupted for a few minutes as the meaning behind your words processed in her mind. She thought of not answering and being content with your suggestion in silence, but she needed to ask. Just once. “Do you miss him?”

You lift your head and turn your eyes to meet her blue ones that gleamed brighter by the tears welled in her eyes, and the light of the lamp in between you both. “Who?” You question cluelessly.

“Reiner.” She shares, making you grow stiff. “I mean I just saw the way he looked at you, the way he treated you. Were you guys dating?”

You shake your head and mindlessly begin fiddling with your fingers as you choose to answer her with the truth to one of her questions. “No we weren’t dating.” You pause and swallow thickly, taking note of your habit and instead tucking your hands into your sleeves to wipe the rain off your face. “It was just a fling, nothing to it. Plus,” you exhale deeply as your voice softens. “There's no room in my heart for traitors.”

“Was Ymir a traitor?” Historia asks bluntly, once again making you grow rigid with her very straightforward questions. This time instead of answering right away you wait and think of your words very carefully. You didn’t lie to her, or avoid answering, there was no need to with this question.

“No,” you shake your head, “she was different then the other two.” You shift around where you sat to be able to fully face her, while you kept ignoring the pouring rain that made your clothes stick to your body, and brought your body temperature down to an uncomfortable level. “When I was with them, after they took us, the one thing she was sure of was protecting you. She cares about you. She didn’t betray you. She wouldn't.”

Historia’s lip trembles before she drops her head to hide her emotions expressed on her face. Emotions she failed to contain and let out as quiet sobs that caused her whole body to tremble with cold and emotions. You wanted to comfort her, grab her shoulders or rub her back but she shot up and began to cry out what she had contained since Ymir left. “I can’t stand it! Why? She chose them over me?!” Her eyes snap up to meet your bewildered expression. “She said we’d live for our own sakes. But now she’s left me behind.” She falls down to sit on her knees, letting out a shaking breath and dropping her head again, letting the rain shower over her hunched body. “Just like everyone else did. My father, my mother—Ymir left me.”

“I’m sorry,” is all you could offer in a broken voice as your own eyes fell, and filled with similar glum emotions. “I can’t offer you a clear explanation as to why Ymir left, but I can offer you some comfort.” You look up at the same time she does. “As to your parents, just know you’re not alone. My father left me too. My mother…well,” you shrug, “I don’t remember her. Not even a bit, so I don’t think she was a good person worth remembering.” You offer her an assuring smile while you wipe off the water that dripped down your nose. “It hurts. I know, trust me, but you said that you and Ymir would live for your sakes right? Well, do it. No matter what.”

Historia’s eyes flicker up to you and she wipes the tears and raindrops off her cheeks. Her lips maintained her frown, not giving any indication if she would take the advice, but she did nod stiffly, letting you know that she was at least listening to you.

——

“I’m done cleaning upstairs!” You exclaim as you rush in the kitchen. “It took forever since no one helped,” you look at Connie. “But,” you sigh in relief, “It’s spotless.” You pull the mask off your mouth and let it hang around your neck, seeing Eren look back at you to address your comment.

“Good. Captain Levi is almost here. We just need this area here before we’re done.”

You swipe the bandana off your head and can’t help but smile sadly at a passing memory of Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo in a similar cleaning situation. It’s something you couldn’t help but share out loud. “You know what this reminds me of?” You direct to Eren. “Cleaning with the Levi squad. The first one.”

“Yeah,” Eren nods slowly as his eyes fall back to what he was sweeping. His shoulders dropped but he hid what he felt with annoyance. “Only they knew how to clean.” His hands clench tighter around the broomstick and he begins to grumble. “Now it feels like we’re the only ones doing all the work.”

Connie shoots his head up and glares at Eren. “Hey man! Am I painted on the wall or something?”

You smirk and throw the bandana on the dirty pile basket. “You have room to learn.” Before he could add a snarky remark the door opens and Sasha, Jean and Armin walk back inside with the boxes of rations that had arrived.

“Hey!” Eren exclaims to the group, “did you guys wipe the dust and dirt off your shoes before you came in?”

“Huh?” Jean questions as he looks up at Eren whilst he sets the sacks of food down. “No, we didn’t. Can't you see all the stuff we’re carrying?”

You scoff at Jean’s comment and grab the canister from Armins hands to put it on the table whilst you watch Eren march towards Jean to complain further. “Do you seriously think that attitude will satisfy Captain Levi?”

You peek over at the duo and pretend to do something around the kitchen to continue listening to the argument—“If I hadn’t personally made your bed this morning—” Eren argues, making you snort.

Jean hears you and looks to you with a widened and almost horrified expression before his eyes snapped back to Eren to shout at him out of embarrassment. “Shut up! Quit nagging! Who are you, my mom?”

“We’re back.” Mikasa announced as her and Historia finally rejoined the group inside.

“Wait,” Armin protested, “were you just chopping firewood?”

You tilt your head and narrow your eyes on her. “I thought I told you no heavy lifting, and to tell me when you were leaving.”

“Gotta stay in shape.” She quips.

“You got grabbed by a Titan!” Armin shouted as he stepped towards her. “You should be in bed.”

“I try to stop her, but she won’t listen,” Eren interjects in a grumble. “I saw her doing sit ups earlier!”

You sigh and watch Armin follow after her to continue scolding her in his own gentle way before Sasha interjected. “It’s almost like we’re back in the Cadet Corps.”

“Yeah,” you nod.

“Why do you figure we were chosen for the new Levi Squad, though?” Armin can’t help but ask. “Protecting Eren and Historia is such an important mission.”

That was a good question, and one with many different possibilities, but only one you could think of, and Sasha said that for you. “Because we’re talented, I assume.” Albeit she didn’t say it in your exact words. Regardless, as she was answering Armin, she quickly shoved something in her bag that caught your immediate attention.

“Sasha,” you grimace, “what did you just put in your bag?” You turn to face her with a fuming and intimidating glare, but all Sasha does is slowly look up at you with an unaffected expression to lie to your face.

“Nothing bread-related.”

“Why, you!” Jean cut in as well whilst he stormed towards her.

You move towards her and snap back. “Give it back.” “Hey, focus!” Eren interrupts, “we gotta finish cleaning before the Captain gets back!” However no one really listened as you all tried to fight Sasha to put the bread back before said man you were trying to avoid getting upset, walked in.

“What’s the commotion about?” Levi broke the tension, creating a much thicker one as he walked towards the table, causing your shoulders to stiffen, and your angry expression to fall while you met Erens matching concerned gaze. And as Levi swept his hand under the table and dust and dirt fell from the wood, that concern turned to slight fear. Even more so as he lifted his hand and faced the group to address the situation. “I’m quite sure I gave you enough time.” Levi grabs his cloth from his pocket inside his coat and cleans off the dust and dirt collected on his fingers. “Anyways, we’ll discuss your lax cleaning job another time. Eren, Hange is itching to get the experiment started.”

As far as experiments went, you thought it went rather well for the first two hours. Eren listened well to instructions while in his Titan form, he performed all his given tasks well too and you couldn’t deny that he was impressive; he could write, he couldn’t speak because of the shape of his mouth, he could last a pretty long time, but only transform a few times before he seemed to go groggy and lose memory as his consciousness dwindled. The one thing he couldn’t do was harden himself like everyone wanted him to. It was weird, but there was an explanation, there always was.

——

“Huh? What was that?” Levi asks Hange after they and their squad walk into the small cabin, with their face contorted into distress and a hint of sadness.

“He’s dead…” they announce once more. “Pastor Nick. He was murdered. This morning, in the Trost District barracks.”

Levi’s face grows even more serious as the thoughts in his mind begin to churn, he hums and shows no remorse like Hange was. Instead he guided everyone to sit around the table and the couch beside it so Hange could explain in more depth what they and Moblit had seen, and what their thoughts were behind the bloody scene. And as they talked you grabbed the pot of tea you had made and served Levi, Hange and rest of the older Scouts before you walked back to sit on your seat. Albeit before you could serve yourself, Connie pushes his empty cup towards you, and quietly, and discreetly points to it so you could get the hint to serve him first. You smile kindly and grab the cups you set on the table to serve everyone but him.

Now you weren’t being petty, or anything. Not even because he was assigned to clean the table and didn’t clean it well the other day, causing you and the rest of your friends to get a long cleaning speech. No that’s not it.

Regardless you sat down beside Jean and across from Eren, feeling your mood go down as Hange continued with the heavy topic. “I figured the Church would want to deal with Nick since he was cooperating with the Scouts.” Hange explains, “that’s why I hid his identity and had him stay in the barracks, but….to think they would use soldiers to kill him. I was too careless. It’s entirely my fault.”

The room goes quiet for a minute, growing the tension thick enough that it felt as if you were carrying it on your shoulders. You tried to ease the tension, but such a grim topic was hard to brush off, especially as Armin decided to add onto the weight of the tension. “The military police…did they torture Pastor Nick just to find out what information he spilled to us?”

Levi sets his cup down and answers Armin in the same serious and unaffected voice. “Most likely. But it was the Interior Military Police, which means there’s something more behind it. So,” he turns and looks to Hange. “How many nails did Nick have ripped off?”

“Huh?”

“You saw, right? How many?” Levi asks, making you swallow thickly and tighten your hold around your teacup.

“I only caught a glimpse of him,” they answer, “but all the nails that I could see.”

“People that talk, talk after one.” Levi explains, “if they don’t, peeling more won’t make a difference.” Levi looks away from Hange, but continues, not noticing how you began to quickly tap the side of your cup out of uneasiness of the gruesome conversation. Perhaps it was something you needed to get used to, but fighting and killing Titans was one thing, talking of hurting human beings was something else completely. It was never part of your job, nor anyone else’s in the Scout Regiment.—“Pastor Nick…I thought he was an idiot, but. He didn’t turn away from what he believed, all the way til the end. In other words, they have no idea we’ve caught wind of the Reiss family. Though, someone in the government is up to no good, and their eyes are fixed on us.”

Right as Levi finishes, the front door opens and a soldier named Nifa, from Hanges squad, walks in and heads directly towards Levi to hand him a note from Commander Erwin. “I went to tell him about Pastor Nick, but he sent me off with this.” She shares while Levi reads the words on the small paper that made his eyes narrow deeper, and his shoulders stiffen much tighter. Once he finishes reading the note he looks up and urgently addresses the whole room.

“Everyone, out. We leave now.” Levi announces while he stands from his chair. “Leave no trace we were here.”

There was no moment of hesitance after Levi’s announcement, what little you all brought was packed in your personal bags. After that a blood pumping rush ran through everyone as you escaped the cabin to get to higher ground, and deeper into the forest where you could only hope no one was in. With the adrenaline that rushed through your veins you didn’t feel the chilly evening air, nor really catch that you had walked far until everyone stopped on a hill that overlooked the cabin getting raided by military police.

“That was close,” you breathe out while you tear your eyes from the scene down below.

“If we hadn’t left right then, what would’ve happened to us?” Connie asks with his eyes peeled back widely, expressing the shock and slight fear that ran through him.

You glance at Connie to answer his wondering question. “We would’ve been caught, Eren and Historia would’ve been taken and they probably would’ve left us for dead after beating us up.” You’ve seen it happen once when you lived underground, you weren’t supposed to see the Military police beat up a couple of young teens trying to take some food, or whatever it was they had taken, but Furlan, nor Levi managed to pull you away from witnessing the scene in time.

Nonetheless, Connie's head slowly shifts to you with his eyes expressing more horror after your words. His lips part, but all he does is inhale a small breath of air before you turn to check out the small patch of woods in front of you—you couldn’t apologize for your honesty that he hadn’t witnessed before, that he was blind to due to where he grew up. He had to know, those who didn’t know before had to know too. The world was a beautiful place, but life inside the walls also had their own monsters.

“But why?” Armin inquires, “what would make Commander Erwin…?”

“New orders came from the government.” Levi revealed. “There’s been a freeze on all Scout Regiment activity outside the wall. They’re telling us to hand over Eren and Historia.” At Levi’s words, you once again turn your head to look at him over your shoulder, feeling yourself full with buzzing curiosity at the new piece of news that just kept piling on.

“By the way,” Nifa interjected, “right after he gave me the message, the Military Police came for him.”

“They’re treating him like some sort of criminal!” Hange exclaimed bitterly.

“Someone’s not working from the shadows anymore,” Levi continued, “they’re moving for all eyes to see.”

“To go far to protect the wall's secrets.” Hange added while she faced Levi. “What’s more, why do they want us to hand over Eren and Historia? Not to kill, but for them to obtain?”

You clench onto the rifle in your hands and suggest, “Control?” You turn around and continue to add your thoughts out loud. “Whoever is deciding to finally come out and play, is no lowlife scum.”

Levi glances at you and nods, “you’re right. But,” he says as he looks away. “Who knows? Anyways it’s clear the enemy is after these two. Loitering around here is dangerous. We’re moving her and Eren to Trost District.”

“Why?” Moblit protests. “That’s the same place Pastor Nick was killed.”

“It’s worse to head towards the interior. With Trost in a panic, it should be easy to slip in,” Levi says, “and if somehow it comes down to it, we can use these in the city.” He pulls a side of his cloak and looks to his odm gear. “Plus, not knowing the enemy puts us in a tough spot. We need to find out who’s behind this.” he looks to Hange. “Hange, lend me some of your squad.”

“Of course,” they don’t hesitate to answer while they tap their chin and glance down for a brief moment, before once again facing the group. “All right, I’m going after Erwin.” They continue to turn to the man beside them. “Moblit with me. The rest of you will follow Levi.”

“Roger!”

As Hange climbs on their horse, Eren calls to them and hurries after them. “Hange! Here.” He hands them a folded up paper. “I remembered a conversation between Ymir and Bertholdt. Didn’t get to tell you, but it’s here.”

“All right,” Hange says as they grab the note and stuff it in their pocket while they climb onto the horse. “I’ll take a look at it later.”

“Be careful,” you wave at them, making them shoot you a faint smile before they ride off with Moblit. The rest of you being left having to walk through the forest as the sun set further by each passing second.

Levi led the squad, leaving you behind to eye the shadows that lurked in the forest that surrounded you. You wanted to distract yourself by thinking that running from the Military Police, and being seen as some criminal must be nostalgic to Levi since he left the underground to escape that life, but now it seemed it followed him here. Just like it also followed you, something he had wanted to avoid when he thought of making a life above ground. It’s funny how that works.

Regardless, the sun disappeared completely, taking away the security of its bright light and leaving you in a freighenting darkness that lamps couldn’t ease its eerie presence, making you walk closer to one of the people that could bring comfort to this traumatizing situation, Jean. “Why is it that we always have to move in the dark?” You grumble.

Jean glances at you and answers. “Because it’s better to hide in the dark. We aren’t as easily spotted.”

“I know,” you sigh deeply, “it was a rhetorical question.” Your eyes flicker over to him and right as you were going to meet his gaze you look up at the hat on his head, and you can’t help but smile. “I—”

“Don’t laugh,” he grimaces bitterly.

“I wasn’t,” you lift your hands whilst you meet his gaze. “Honestly. I was going to say that I like your hat. I think it looks nice. It gives off, uhmm,” you tap your chin and look ahead. “Cowboy type of vibes, or,” you clap, catching the brief attention of Armin and Eren in front of you, “some sort of a gangster.” You look at Jean again and tilt your head, noticing he seemed to be holding his breath and that his eyes had lost their intimidation. “Maybe that’d work better with a suit though, so cowboy it is.” You grin but he’s quick to look away. “It’s a nice look on you, Jean.”

Unlike Eren, Armin's eyes stayed on Jean and you for a moment longer to study your gestures, and hear the words coming out of your mouths. He could think nothing of it, after all he thought of Jean and you as a weird pair of friends. But he was quick enough to catch Jean’s flustered expression hidden under the hat he had on, and that set off a new curiosity within him that he wanted to further explore.

“Whatever,” Jean brushes you off with his head completely facing away from you, and his expression hidden by his hat.

You scoff lightheartedly and roll your eyes. “It still looks pretty ridiculous at night though.”

“It’s so they don’t recognize me,” Jean snaps.

Your eyebrows furrow and you snort. “Who's going to recognize you out here at night? The shadow man? A ghost? Or maybe a raccoon?”

Jean slowly turns his head to glare at you. “You’re about to become unrecognizable.”

“Oh,” you smirk, “I’d love to see you try.” You look to the front of the group and point to Levi with your eyes. Jean scoffs and leans closer to you to whisper. “Yeah, consider yourself lucky. For now.” He squints his eyes, “but watch your back. Cherry.” He mocks.

Your smirk deepens and you lean in closer to him too, holding his gaze intently and licking your lips as they tug to a smile. “Again. I’d like to see you try. Jean-boy.” Your eyes linger on his for a while, noticing that his lips turned to a smirk as he held his confidence high, not letting show the feelings that he felt fluttering inside. A tension rose between the little gap between you, but you were oblivious to it, unlike him. But he did nothing to point it out and make it clear to you, all he did was watch you blink and look away. After that you proceeded to part away from him and fall at Levi’s side. “Hey, Levi, so how are we planning to sneak into Trost with Eren and Historia? A big group will attract attention, and what if there's some dressed up Military police members in the crowds already expecting us?”

Levi glances at you before he looks at Jean and Armin over his shoulder to simply say, “I have a plan.”

——

“This is so, so stupid.” Jean grumbles beside you.

You shoot him a side glanced glare and nudge his arm. “Shush.” Your eyes return to the streets you’re marching through and they scan every stand open as you pass them, they lift to the roofs and catch the flags that hang from roof to roof sporting bright colors, your eyes search the crowd that is unusually big and clustered, falling from person to person no matter how young or old they are. One just couldn’t be too careful, you needed to look over your shoulder….it needed to become second nature no matter how bad that sounded. You needed to think as if every person that wasn't the Scouts, your friends and family was hostile, even if you hated to think that way of people.

Every person was against you until proven otherwise. Or at least that’s what Levi says in a time and mission like this. But it was so hard to think that way, especially when you saw the hungry and homeless people on the streets asking for food, or money after the destruction created in the city. And it seemed now there were a lot of those around, cities above ground were beginning to look like the underground, it was hard to see their sad and angry faces. So you had to put your hood over your head to avoid searching for those hallowed faces.

“So what, I can’t complain now?” Jean snaps in a sharp whisper. “He does that a lot.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “and it’s annoying. So shut up.”

Jean shoots you a brief glare before he picks up his pace to leave your side. And if it wasn’t for his undercut and his tall figure, from behind his wig would fool you into believing he was the boy he was pretending to be. Not the front though, you could pick him out in a crowd even with the wig on, he….had a very long one of a kind face.

“Try not to walk in a cluster.” Levi repeated to the group, “we’ll stand out. Eren and Historia, just walk normal.”

If he kept talking like that every ten minutes, someone would notice, no matter how far apart you’re all spread out.

“Why is the royal family’s flag hanging everywhere?” Connie asked as his eyes roamed the colorful flags overhead.

“Oh! Today must be the anniversary of the King's coronation.” Sasha answered, making your eyes return to look at the flags over your heads. “Once a year, they hand out a haul of rations.”

A man begins to announce what Sasha had pointed out, but your attention goes to the flower stand you walk by and your eyes get lost on the big, beautiful bright yellow sunflowers decorating the front of the stand. A soft smile tugs on your lips and a gleam sparkles in your eyes. You’re tempted to walk to it and buy some since they were your favorite, but you hold yourself back…as hard that was. It was such a brief moment that you didn’t think anyone would catch you, but someone did, they just didn’t say anything and instead admired your smile as your eyes remained on the yellow petals. When you pass the stand, you pull your eyes off the flowers and notice your group came to a stop, and before you could bump into Connie, you stop in your tracks and listen to what Sasha commented over the man’s announcement.

“What a king! He sure is generous!”

You scoff at her comment and before you could remark something, Levi beats you to it. “He’s got more than he knows what to do with. People are weak, especially when baited with food.”

“I have an idea,” you scoff, “they could take some of those rations underground. There's a lot of people who really need it down there.” You glare at the announcer as if he was the King in charge.

“We’re considered riff raff down there,” Levi replied to your bitter comment. “Or don’t you remember? They didn’t care about us, they still don’t care about them.”

“Yeah,” you huff out after you return your gaze to the path ahead. “I remember.”

The walk after that talk is quiet, uncomfortable and nerve wracking as no one knew when someone was going to attack your group and take Jean and Armin, or should you say, “Eren and Historia.”. Everyone had to keep looking over their shoulders and keep their guard up, only making yourselves more suspicious. Part of you believed you would get away without getting attacked, but you needed to for the plan to work. And it did happen as Levi had planned—“Watch out! Behind us!” Levi bellowed after he stopped and looked over his shoulder.

Before you could look back, you heard the speeding carriage racing your way that he had warned you about. As it sped past you, you jumped out of the way and had to hold back from fighting their attempts as you watched them take “Eren and Historia”. Yet you couldn’t help yourself from screaming out their names. “Je—Eren!” Sasha seemed to have the same trouble as she yelled out for Armin, but soon corrected herself and called out for who they were pretending to be. And even if you were going to save them regardless, the knot in your stomach wouldn’t loosen and you had to fight the urge not to instantly catch up to them. Really just run after Jean.

*A FEW MINUTES LATER*

“Calm down Cherry,” Levi assured you from behind you. “You reek of anxiety. We’re going to save them.”

You gnaw at your cuticles and take a deep breath. “This plan is shit. I can’t stand not knowing what they could be going through.” You lift your eyes and pull your thumb away to stand up as Mikasa joins you on the roof. “So?” You instantly ask her impatiently. “How is it going inside?”

“If we don’t hurry, they’ll see through Armin's disguise.” Mikasa informs Levi and you before looking away from your worried gaze. “And I feel bad for him.” She lowers her head.

Shit—you lift your finger to your lips and begin gnawing once more as you sink down on the roof, hearing Levi respond with a simple, “I see.”

“How is your leg?” Mikasa looks back at him. “Any better?”

You look over your shoulder, seeing Levi peek over his own before grabbing his knee and answering. “I can move well enough. It’s not bad, thanks to the things Cherry made for me.” He looks back at the streets below. “More importantly, these kidnappers…they’re nothing but amateurs. Why would they be using guys like this?” He stands up and takes a step forward, letting your eyes, like Mikasa’s, watch him carefully. “You both can handle the rest on your own. I’m heading for Eren. Once you’ve dealt with the trash, come and meet up with me.” He keeps walking ahead, assuring himself with the short comprehensive answer Mikasa gave him. “One more thing,” he stops at the edge of the roof and looks back. “I’ll tell you, just in case. Tell Armin and others, too. From now our enemy won’t only be Titans,” he pauses and looks away. “But other humans too.”

Your eyes widen and it feels as if all the wind had been knocked out of your lungs. You part your lips to argue, to interject with anything against his comment, but there was nothing you could say, even if you could, Levi left before you could think of anything. After that you tried to look at Mikasa, to see if she was struggling like you were, but she remained expressionless, and cold, or at least that’s what she wanted you to believe. You didn’t know what she was really thinking. She was a lot like Levi in that way.

Nonetheless, there’s a silence that falls over after his comment where you feel your whole body stiffen, and your heart sink to your stomach. Your body grows cold and a grim feeling takes over your anxious state for a brief moment where the silence feels deafening, and the question of “can I really do this?” Begins to linger in your head, making you nauseous. That question was brief before your mind was overridden by instincts that told you that you could and it was the right thing if it came to it, but your conscience told you otherwise. It turns you gloom and makes you stiff as your instinct, and your conscience battled with one another to have a winner.

Neither of them won. Mikasa interrupted you before the battle could be decided. “Let’s go.” She stands up to fly back to the other roof, but stops once you’re behind her to scold you. “And stop eating at your hands. You’ll ruin your cuticles.”

“Right,” you whisper as you pull your hand away and then follow her to the other roof to fall in your assigned position. When you hear the deep voices inside, you peek your head inside the open window, and prepare your fighting stance as you watch the floor and Mikasa down below. In the center of it all, you could see Jean and Armin tied up with their disguises still intact, which was something that should bring you comfort since they hadn’t been discovered, but seeing them in that position made you uneasy.

Regardless, their disguises were beginning to be questioned by the man leading the small group that walked in the storage room. “You’re sure, without a doubt, it’s Krista and Eren?”

“Yes,” another man nods, “they match the description.”

Yeah sure they do. Armin perhaps resembles Historia in some way, but Jean was not even close. They all sucked ass—you think to yourself, scoffing and rolling your eyes before taking a step closer to the window and meeting Mikasa’s dark eyes after they looked up to quietly signal you.

“Huh? Where’s the guard?” With that question uttered, just as Mikasa moves forward, you jump down the window whilst you take your cloak off and let it float down, while you land on the ground and look up at the tall startled man with a cocky smirk. He tries to reach for his gun, but before his fingers could even touch its cold metal, you jump to your feet and roundhouse kick him to the ground, instantly knocking him unconscious after a single impact to his face.

The other two men who had been up front freeze from the shock, and watch Mikasa and you wide eyed out of fear. They try to reach for their guns, but before they could think of shooting, and without a single word uttered between Mikasa and you, you both sprint towards them. She jumps off the floor and you slide down past her body almost as if the moves were rehearsed; she kicks a man with red hair, while you swiftly get up and swing your leg to kick the other man to the floor. He intended to move after, but he couldn’t even catch your fleeting figure before you pin him to the ground and twist his arm to his back, causing him to groan.

A faint proud smirk tugs on your lips once the thought of what you did registers in your mind, but it’s fleeting before you grow serious again. Instead of thinking too much into what you did, you look back, noticing Jean and Armin were tying up the other two men, leaving you to look up to a window on the roof to address the boy you knew was waiting by it. “Connie! Is it really just the four of them?!”

Said boy pokes his head through the window and confirms your question. “Yeah, that’s it! Nobody else in the area!” Connie finishes, keeping your eyes on him and not letting you pay attention to the man reaching for the gun he had dropped. Not until you heard the whiz of Sashas arrow impact the ground just inches away from your hand, and pinning the gun to the ground before he could try to shoot you. The crash made your head snap to the arrow, and made your eyes widened out of shock.

“If you move again, who knows where I’ll hit?” Sasha threatened the man whilst your heart pounded in your ears.

“H-hey!” Jean began to exclaim in an angry tone. “What if you hit Y/N with that!”

“It’s Y/N’s fault for taking her eye off the prey.” Sasha countered.

You nod and look back to the man under you. “Yeah, no, you’re right,” you interject. “Sorry! I should’ve known better!” You stand up and pull the guy up with you.

“All right!” Mikasa yelled out, “first, we tie these guys up, then we meet up with the captain.”

Armin looks at her and questions her command. “What do you mean?”

“Captain's orders, and he sends a message, too.” She shares with your friends what Levi had told the both of you, and they react in the same speechless disbelief as you. This time though, you fought with yourself not to think about it further. Instead you focus on tying up the man in your hold, before you place him with others in a deafening silence that had set in the storage room.

That was until you were done and spotted Jean with the wig still on his head behind you—“Eren,” you say seriously. “Are you okay?” You stifle a laugh.

“Huh?!” Jean exclaims. “What did you just call me?!”

You turn with your eyebrows furrowed in concern to continue with your act as seriously as you can manage. Which was going surprisingly well. “Oh, it’s you Jean. I forgot, you know with the wig,” you point, “you fooled me.” You shrug. “Sorry.”

His eyes narrow to a piercing glare and a venom laces in his voice. “You’re not funny, you know that?” He snatches the wig off his head and throws it to the ground, before he turns sharply on his heels to storm past you and leave the storage room with his chest puffed out in anger. His reaction makes you giggle and you have to run to catch up to him.

“Jean, come on, I was only joking. Just trying to ease the tension.” You smirk and try to meet his burning glare.

Jean scoffs. “Yeah, just be quiet, I'm not talking to you.”

You snicker and grab his arm, making him go instantly stiff. “Come on, don't be a jackass. I was joking. Of course I knew it was you.” You scoff. “I mean anyone with eyes would know you’re not Eren, even with the wig on.” You look away from him to look at the upcoming large doors, whilst you begin to list what comes to mind. “I mean, you’re much taller, your eyes are brown and his eyes are green, you're more muscular than he is. You’re—” you suddnely cut yourself off and feel your cheeks burn hot after you catch what you had been saying.

You glance at him nervously and pull your hands from his arm, missing the smirk on his lips that had swept away any anger he had felt. “Yeah,” you nod and swallow thickly and pretend not to be affected by the tension you felt fall over you as you look away. “It was obvious.” You clear your throat and begin to fiddle with your fingers as you change the subject. “Anyway.” Your eyes flicker up to steal a glance at him. “How are you feeling over what Levi said? I mean, I know I was just joking around, but I’m being serious now.” You throw the doors open and you both walk out the storage room with Sasha, and Connie in tow.

Jean exhales deeply and pulls his eyes away from you to look ahead at Armin and Mikasa. “I don’t know. For the first time, I really don’t know how to feel yet. I mean,” he pauses, and unfolds his arms to clench his fists at his sides and furrow his eyebrows to glare at the dirt ground. “They’re people…that’s not what I signed up for.”

“Yeah,” you sigh and drop your hands to your sides. “I understand.” You lift your eyes to the sky, managing to catch two brown birds flying past your head. “We signed up to save humanity. Not to fight them. I don’t know what to feel either. I wish I could. I wish I could talk…” you pause, and return your eyes to look ahead and watch Mikasa use her ODM gear to fly to a roof that overlooks the street. You follow Armin and her, and don’t finish what you had thought of saying. Was it obvious that you dropped your comment so abruptly? Yes. But you couldn’t finish it. “I understand.” You end up saying. Your eyes flicker to Jean and you offer him a faint assuring smile.

Albeit Jean didn’t miss what you said. He didn’t return your assuring smile, or nod to say he understood, he stopped you after you walked past him on the roof. “Wait. Talk to who?”

You instinctively want to reach for your wings of freedom patch, but stop when you remember that you weren’t wearing your uniform. It saddened you, especially because even if he was gone, his patch brought solace to your aching heart—“We’ll talk about that later, yeah?” You brush Jean off. “Just don’t give up on us, okay?” You peek over your shoulder and meet his eyes filled with confusion.

Jean answers with silence; no nod, no verbal answer as short as it could’ve been. Nothing but silence as he tried to understand the thoughts running through his head. He was assured that you at least understood his struggle of morals…he knew everyone else did too, but he was assured more with the fact that you did.

——

“Gunshots!” You heard Sasha warn. After you hear her, you look to the roof she landed on with Connie and Armin, and follow where her finger pointed to. “I heard a bunch of shots!”

“You two think something happened?” Jean asks Mikasa and you beside him, while the three of you watch the streets ahead.

“Most likely,” Mikasa answers much more bluntly, before she runs forward to jump off the roof before either of you could protest against her quick actions. It causes Jean, and you to share a quick look that spoke hundreds of words neither of you spoke aloud before he, you, and others followed the sounds of gunshots alongside Mikasa.

Finding the commotion didn’t take long as you flew the sky, Connie was quick to spot Eren and Historia, passed out in their newly styled carriage. Following after them, you spotted Levi—“it’s Levi!” You point out with short lived relief, because after you spotted him, and you and everyone else began to change courses to follow him, some thug flew past and shot at Levi. The thug of course missed, letting Levi pierce his grapple hook in the man’s chest to pull him forward, so he could also fly forward to swiftly slice the man’s stomach.

You were left speechless, stunned, and wide eyed after witnessing the bloody scene, but you kept yourself focused on the chaos you were now in the middle of. You had to.

“Chase the wagon!” Levi instructed the squad once you all got close enough. Albeit, Mikasa is the only one who answered right away—“listen up!” Levi continues after Mikasa. “They’re used to fighting other people! They already got three of ours. If we’re gonna get those two back, you can't hesitate! If you get the chance, you kill! Got it?”

“Roger!” Mikasa answered with inspiring determination.

Yet you couldn’t muster the will to answer like she did. You knew what you had to do, what the right thing was to avoid being shot, but you couldn’t wrap your head around killing other people. Mikasa seemed to be so okay with it, she didn’t hesitate to agree and do what needs to be done. And you admired that, envied her ability to not let her conscience get in the way when it came down to it. It would be easy if you were like that too.

“Armin, Jean! Secure the wagon! We’ll cover you!” Levi’s instruction pulled you from your train of thought, causing your eyes to slide over to watch Armin do as he was told, while Jean hesitated for a few seconds, eventually following orders, but just hesitating after witnessing another person being killed. And even if your stomach churned with the speeding thoughts of potentially having to kill someone, you kept flying forward with your blades slightly trembling in your hands, and your eyes bouncing from the carriage and your surroundings. And in that last moment your eyes fell on the carriage, you caught Jean on the floor and a woman pointing her gun at him as he sat paralyzed with fear and hesitation.

Instinct hit you then, like lightning striking the earth. There was no hesitation, your instinct shot straight through the battle of moral debate. Your eyes determinedly set on the pair, as your mind hit you with the possible outcome of what could happen to Jean paralyzed on the floor. And those thoughts didn’t let you fret to speed forward. “Jean!” Fear and panic laced in your voice, just like they vividly expressed in your face. Mikasa seemed to have the same thought in trying to save Jean, since you caught her also swooping down below. But just before either of you could swing your blades, you both heard a shot that made you both gasp and fly past the carriage.

The loud explosion that came from the gun made your heart stop, and your breath catch in your throat. You turned in the sky to face the scene, but you averted your gaze to avoid looking at the carriage where Jean had been. You didn’t want to look out of fear of what you'd see, you let the sound of the wind howling in your ears sound over your cracking heart. You wanted to turn away and avoid looking, avoid potential heartbreak in seeing yet another of one of your friends dead, but you forced yourself to look so you could witness the outcome.

Luckily heartbreak didn’t come this time though. Armin had been the one that shot first. It left Mikasa, you, and even Armin stunned for a few seconds, more so it left Jean alive and in disbelief. Not like you could rejoice over that fact because three thugs then flew overhead with their guns trained on the two in the carriage. They flew in fast and determined, having Levi get Jean out of the way, whilst Sasha picked up Armin just in time before the thugs could shoot aimlessly and manage to hijack the carriage.

However, determined to not let Eren leave, Mikasa began to follow them. Or at least tried with all her might, because after more thugs began to follow the carriage out of the city, Levi stopped her. “Don’t do it! Fall back!”

“But,” you protested as your legs twitched to move. “We can’t let them take Eren and Historia.”

Levi continued to struggle to fight Mikasa’s attempts to follow after Eren, as fear and panic had struck her heart like it had happened with you only mere moments ago. But unlike you, she couldn’t find instant relief in seeing he was okay, or getting him back to her, she had to stay with those emotions aching her heart, only being able to express them out in a loud cry. “Eren!”

It was a cry that made your feet move forward to try and chase after them. Albeit you also got stopped. “Y/N.” Levi called to you too. “Stop. We have to let them go.”

——

“…it’s okay now. That guy is tied up, and after today you don’t have to worry about him anymore.” Jean’s voice sounded through the echoing silence in the storage room. He had been talking to Armin for some time now; in a soft and low voice that you were surprised you could hear. While Armin had tears welled up in his eyes and his words barely came out in soft chokes. You didn’t exactly know word by word what they were sharing to each other, but you knew the context of their conversation, and it involved something a sick guy that had been guarding him and Jean had done to Armin.

It was upsetting to hear Armin so upset and affected by what happened, it made you want to help comfort him, but with your mind in shambles over the news you were all told, you weren’t a good person to talk to at the moment. You couldn’t provide what he needed, but it seemed Jean was patient, and sweet enough to try and comfort Armin. He was the only one.

“I’m sorry it happened, Armin. I am.” Jean continued. “He’s not going to do anything anymore, and I promise he’ll pay for what he did, for what he said to you.”

At the sound of Jean’s words you look away from the plate in your hands and look up at him to steal a brief glance. Noticing his softened, and worried gaze by the bright yellow light of the lamp sitting in the middle of the group, and seeing his hand gently grabbing Armin’s shoulder. And you didn’t know why, but you caught yourself smiling softly at the sweet interaction. Yes, you’ve seen him act kind before, he may act tough, but if you pressed the right buttons he could be soft, but seeing that now made your heart flutter.

The feeling was sudden, but you did feel it, and it was…weird? Yeah….Weird, but also not unwelcomed or wrong. Just weird because you felt it happen with Jean.

Moreover, while you struggled to understand what you had felt, you were caught off guard and got caught looking as Jean’s eyes flickered over to you. You of course proceeded to look away as fast as humanly possible, and instead foolishly looked down at the food in your bowl in hopes he wouldn’t notice. But you werent blind, or dumb, he obviously met your eyes for that quick second before you could look away—fucking embarrassing that’s what that is.

“Are you going to eat? Or are you going to watch your food get cold?” Levi startled you.

“No.” You snap your eyes up to meet his gaze.

“No, what?” He deadpanned.

You shake your head. “No. I’ll eat.” You return your gaze to your food and scoop some up, but just before you could bring the spoon up to your mouth, you drop a hold of the wooden spoon and once again meet Levi’s gaze to ask him a serious question. “Levi, is it,” you pause and sigh, dropping your eyes to your bowl once more. “…is it right to kill people? I mean we’re supposed to save humanity, not kill them. So is what we’re doing, right?”

Even if you were willing to…kill someone in order to save Jean, in that moment your mind and your body were fueled by this instinct. It was only because at that time your mind wasn’t a clustered mess filled with overthinking, guilt and hesitation, your mind was abundantly clear with what you needed to do. But now that you were sitting, the confusing mess in your head returned and doubled in size. You just wanted to clear your mind again, but in a different way with actual answers to assure yourself with. Even if those questions made Levi have to think of a clear answer.

He exhaled deeply and tried to answer your heavy question, but how could he give you a clear answer when he didn’t even know? He could lie and say it was so you wouldn't hesitate and end up the one dead, but he couldn’t lie to you, or any of his squad members. He promised you the truth ever since you were a little girl, he’s lived to that promise even when things got too difficult for you to comprehend. But he’s always had the truth even if he did sometimes avoid saying it. The only difference now was that he didn’t know what that truth was. There was nothing to avoid, there was just a disappointing answer he could give you.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged, and heard you exhale deeply with discontent. He wished he had the answer, but he didn’t.

You nod. “Okay.” You then sit in silence while you eat your food, not paying attention anymore to what happened around you until Levi broke the deafening silence moments later.

“What’s wrong? This grimy place kill your appetite?” Levi directed at Armin.

“No.” Said boy shook his head. “Jean, there’s something I don’t understand.”

Jean lifts his head and queries. “What’s that?”

“When I shot that gun to save you. I honestly thought I didn't make it in time.” Armin shared, “sorry, but why was I the one who shot first?”

You lift your head and lift your eyes to look at Jean, seeing him lower his head, and squeeze his eyes shut as his breath trembled while he remembered what happened. “That’s…”

“Because the other person hesitated,” Levi interjected. “It’s true.”

Jean’s eyes flew open and widened from the disbelief he felt at the sound of Levi’s words. He was quick to lose the surprise and instead grow serious. Even if you caught the falter in his voice. “Armin, I’m sorry…I should’ve done what I had to do.”

“I know what it is,” Armin spoke glumly. “The person that I killed…I bet they were a nice person. Someone that was much more human than I am. I pulled the trigger so easily…I did…I’m—”

“Armin,” Levi cut him off. “You’ve got blood on your hands now. You can’t go back to who you were.”

“Why would you say that?” Mikasa remarked.

“Embrace the new you.” Levi continued, “just think, if your hands were still clean…Jean wouldn't be here right now.” He paused for a moment to let silence fill the space so Armin and everyone else would understand his words. “I’ll tell you why you pulled the trigger…Because your comrade was about to die. Armin. Thanks to you getting blood on your hands, nobody on our squad ended up dead. Thank you.”

“Captain Levi.” Jean chimes in after, his eyes facing the light before him and his eyebrows furrowing and losing the uneasiness that were expressed in his face before. “I thought it was wrong to be fighting other humans. And wrong for you to order us to do it. I was afraid to be hurting other people. But…I’m the one who was wrong. Next time. I’ll shoot.”

“I never said anything about who was right, or wrong.” Levi countered, making your eyes drift over to him. “I don’t even know myself. Are you really the one in the wrong?” Levi briefly met Jean’s gaze that proceeded to widen right as he let out a shocked gasp. Neither of them said anything else on the matter, Levi left it at that before he stood up. “Now then, it’s about time we hear what he has to say.” Levi refers to the man you had taken down earlier today, a man you caught now, was Dimo Reeves.

Albeit before you could listen to the rest of the interrogation, Sasha returned inside and tapped your shoulder to gain your attention, “your turn. It should be quiet since the sun is setting.”

“Right.” You sigh and turn to head out. “I saved you some soup I made.” You point to the shitty dented pot on a box. “Eat up.”

Sasha grinned and then sped off past you to do as you said without an ounce of hesitation, letting you proceed to walk off outside and take your guarding post in silence.

Even if you knew time in this place was going to come to an end soon, Levi didn’t want to take any risks and be suddenly attacked, so he assigned a guardwatch outside the storage doors. And honestly even if you were out alone, whilst the sun left and the darkness of the night came, you didn’t mind being outside, it left you with time to think.

What's wrong?—you look up to the beautiful, fierce orange and yellow painted sky, and lean your head back on the brick wall—what’s right? I wish there was a clear answer, or at least something besides “I don’t know.”—It’s not as simple as what you wanted, but it would be something you could wrap your head around and understand.

It would be something.

You exhale deeply and drop your head to look at the dirt ground below your feet. Finding solace in the silence under the evening sky, until your peaceful silence was broken by a sudden long, and sharp whistle that sounded from an alleyway across from you.

“Hey, look at you.” A husky voice then broke through, causing you to snap your head up and look at the alley way. Spotting no one. Yet. “You’ve grown, baby Uri.”

Your eyes narrow on a figure that formed now that it was closer, and your hands wrapped around your hilts. “Now, now.” The voice scoffs. “Has that runt of yours not told you not to bring blades to a gunfight?”A bright gleam shines in the alleyway after the light of a nearby lamp hits the shotguns in the person's hands.

Under the light, you could also distinguish the figure stopping just at the end of the alleyway. You recognized that it was a tall, slim, intimidating old man with a hat on his long hair, and his eyes focused on you while his lips turned to a smirk. You intended to step back, but he pointed his gun at you before you could think of running to get Levi.

“Go in, or shout and I’ll tell my comrades to jump in and kill everyone inside. Be a good girl and stay quiet.” The man threatened.

Instead of showing fear; something you deeply felt in your bones at the moment, you instead narrow your gaze to a glare and lower your voice to a cold, intimidating tone. “Who the fuck are you?”

The man stepped forward and snickered, shaking his head and the shotgun in his hand. “Tsk. Now is that any way to talk to your papa?”

Your attempts at being intimidating, cold and unbothered dropped as everything went completely still and quiet. All except for the sound of your in disbelief grumble. “What?”

.

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Tagged- @expectoscamander @greenygreenland @that-soft-lesbian-friend @dai-tsukki-desu @usernamehere91 @avocadopoosae @romancried @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Play Pretend

Spencer Reid x (gender neutral) Reader

Word Count: ~4170

Warnings: I don’t think there are any? Some language. Egregious amounts of fluff. A blanket fort and a Star Trek onesie. Gratuitous descriptions of Spencer Reid’s bone structure, because apparently I can’t help myself. 

A/N: For the “treat yo’ self” square on my @cmbingo​ card, and also for @railmereid​‘s 2k challenge! Prompt for the latter is bolded.

It’s been a godawful case, and in the BAU, that’s saying something. At least nobody ended up in the hospital this time? But as you all troop onto the jet in a straggly line of wrinkled clothes and puffy eyes, that’s about the brightest spot you can find in this whole fucking week. 

As you get settled, though, Hotch clears his throat. “Your attention, please. We’re taking a long weekend, Strauss’s orders.”

“Oh thank god,” you mutter under your breath.  

“Once we get back and grab our things, you are not to return to the office for a full seventy-two hours.” Hotch looks sternly (well, even more sternly) at Spencer, who’s on the couch next to you, curling up for a nap. “Understood? And you are not allowed to take case files home, Reid. I mean it this time.” 

“Understood,” he says grouchily. You can’t help but laugh at the pout on his face. 

“Seriously?” you ask. 

He shrugs, lips quirking up like he does actually realize what a ridiculous human being he is. “I have many talents, but ‘taking it easy’ is not one of them.” He does the air quotes, even.

“All those PhDs and you never got a degree in relaxation?” 

“That’s not—” He realizes you’re teasing and grins. “No. No I did not. I just… never really know what to do with myself, I guess?” 

“Shocking.” 

“What are you going to do, then?” 

“I am going to have a treat yo’ self day,” you declare proudly. 

“A what?” 

“You know, like in Parks and Rec?” He gives you a blank look. “No, you totally don’t know. Of course you don’t. But there’s this one episode where two of the characters have a ‘treat yo’ self’ day, and they go shopping and get, like, really self-indulgent things that they wouldn’t ordinarily buy themselves.”

He frowns. “You’re going shopping all weekend? You’ve never struck me as a particularly materialistic person.”

“Fuck, no. It’s more about indulging in experiences. Self-care. Things that make me feel relaxed. Just… whatever makes me happy.”

“Like what?” He still has this totally puzzled look on his face, with his nose wrinkled up. It’s so much more endearing than it has any right to be. 

“I like painting. I’m not good at it, but I like it, so I’m gonna get some new paints and a big canvas and make a mess, because it makes me happy.” 

“Huh.” 

“What about you, then? What do you do to relax?”  

“That’s… a good question, honestly.” 

“Well, what’s your idea of a perfect day?” 

Maybe it shouldn’t surprise you that self-care is a foreign concept to him. You wait patiently as he overthinks it.

“Perfect seems unrealistic,” he concludes wryly. 

“So, like, remember when you were a kid and you walked into a really awesome toy store?” you prompt. “Just feeling that sort of carefree, giddy kind of happy?” 

“Not really.” He shrugs. 

“What did make you feel like that, though?” you ask. “When you were younger? There had to be something.” 

“I think I just — I didn’t do much normal kid stuff.” He lets out a huff of a laugh and runs his hands through his messy curls, suddenly self-conscious. “Didn’t get to play pretend, or… I don’t know. Didn’t have time.” 

“Right,” you say softly. “Sorry.” 

“Nothing to be sorry about.” 

You nod, throat suddenly tight. “Yeah. Get some sleep, Spencer. Sweet dreams.” 

He gives you a tired half-smile and tugs his blanket up to his chin, tucking his hands under his cheek, and the dark hollows under his eyes are hidden by his long lashes as he falls asleep almost immediately. You need to rest too, but it takes you a while; you sneak a glance at him every so often, feeling that twist under your breastbone that happens all too often when you’re around Spencer. 

By the time the jet lands, though, you have a plan. 

* * * * *

You second-guess your plan approximately a thousand times on your way over to Spencer’s the next morning. When you get to his door, you almost convince yourself to walk away before you manage to knock; is this totally presumptuous? Is Spencer going to think you’re ridiculous? Is the whole thing just plain stupid? 

Then again, you were stupid enough to fall for Spencer in the first place, so. What’s another stupid decision on top of that whole mess? 

When he opens the door, he’s wearing pajama pants, a t-shirt, and a phenomenally hideous bathrobe, and he’s all messy-haired and sleepy-eyed, and for a moment you’re panicking because oh shit I woke him up. It’s almost noon, to be fair, but he did have some serious sleep to catch up on. Then you notice the coffee mug in his hand, and after a moment of relief, that morphs into more of a oh shit he’s so fucking beautiful type of panic. 

You’re used to that, though. 

Then you realize he’s staring at you, smiling but puzzled, and you haven’t explained yourself. Oops. 

“Um. Trick or treat yourself day?” you blurt out, hoisting your shopping bags and giggling at your own lame joke. “I… brought you something. Sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you — I should’ve texted, I just—”

“You’re always a good surprise,” Spencer says shyly, and then seems to shake himself. “Come in. Sorry. Coffee?” 

“Please.” 

You set down your shopping bags and follow him to the kitchen, where he fixes you a mug of your own — exactly how you like it, because of course he remembers. Then he takes a couple deep gulps of his own sugar-sludge and tops it up, and by the time you go back out to the living room, he’s starting to look vaguely awake. 

“What’s all this about?” he finally asks, head cocked to look curiously at the bags. 

“Well,” you start slowly. Now that you have to say it out loud, it sounds even more stupid. “I was thinking a treat yourself day would be a lot more fun with company, and it seems like… maybe you’re overdue for some of that? For… self-indulgence, and just, like, enjoying yourself without worrying. And you deserve it. So. You wanna?” 

His eyes are soft and bright, oddly vulnerable, and a smile spreads slowly across his face, twitchy at the edges like he’s not sure he’s allowed to smile yet. 

“Really? I don’t know what to do, though.” 

“Well, I have some ideas about that. But first, you gotta make a deal with me.” The way he’s beaming makes you feel a whole lot more confident as you tell him, very seriously, “This is the sacred covenant of treat yourself day. You have to solemnly swear to do whatever you want. Anything you can dream up. Indulge every whim. Take an oath to give in to every one of your silly, random, frivolous desires, without any form of self-denial or doubt. Can you do that, Spencer?” 

“I can try,” he says, and his voice cracks. It’s like he can’t shape the words, with the way his smile has taken over his entire face. 

“Okay, good enough. And… I have a few ideas.” 

“Like what?” 

You shrug. “Like… some things I thought maybe you didn’t get to do as a kid? Here, let me—”

You rummage until you find what you were looking for, and then you turn around, holding it out like an offering. Spencer’s mouth drops open. 

“Is that a Captain Kirk costume?” he asks squeakily. 

“It’s a Captain Kirk onesie,” you correct. “And it’s for you.” 

“Holy—” 

He shucks the bathrobe and sets down his coffee hastily, and he’s zipping the onesie up before you can say “Beam me up,” looking down at himself with this joy on his face, totally giddy in a way you’ve never seen him before, and holy hell, even if he hates the rest of your ideas, this will be one hundred fifty percent worth it for the memory of that smile on Spencer’s face. 

“I have one too,” you admit, and pull your Chewbacca onesie out of your backpack. Once you’re both appropriately attired, you tell him, “Next order of business is cartoons.” 

“I don’t actually have TV?” he says apologetically. “I mean, I have a TV, but it’s only for —” 

You grin. “I came prepared, though!” 

Spencer’s the only person you know who still has a VHS player, but you’ve been holding onto some things you rescued from your parents’ attic a while back; you find your VHS of Tom & Jerry cartoons and wave it at him triumphantly. 

“I’ve never watched that before.” He examines the cover, bemused. 

“It’s essential viewing.” 

“Okay,” he says slowly.

While he performs whatever arcane ritual makes his ancient TV work (there’s like a rain dance and an animal sacrifice involved, you’re pretty sure) you settle on the couch, nesting in all the blankets and sipping your coffee contentedly. Spencer presses play and sits down next to you, but you can feel his uncertainty; he’s holding himself stiffly, and he keeps sneaking glances at you. 

“Spit it out,” you tell him, a few minutes in. “If you hate it, you can just say so, Spence. I won’t take it personally.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that! I just — is this really how you want to spend your Saturday?” 

“What do you mean?” You have a Chewbacca onesie, a perfect cup of coffee, and great company; you’re not entirely sure how this could get any better. 

“Doing nothing,” he mumbles. “This is… there are so many things you could be doing. Don’t you have a whole list of things you wanted to do? But instead… I don’t know. You’re here. With me.” 

Sometimes you want to scream until he realizes how awesome he is, but the screaming is probably not the best way to convey that particular message. 

Instead, you keep your voice very quiet as you tell him, “There is absolutely nowhere else I’d rather be right now.” 

It’s a little too true. Your cheeks burn as you turn back to the TV, trying not to dwell on the way you can see him watching you in your peripheral vision. 

“Okay,” he says hoarsely. He settles himself more comfortably into the blanket nest, and before long, he’s giggling along with you. 

You watch in peaceful silence for a little while, but at some point, Spencer’s stomach growls, and you pause the tape to make food — chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream, as per his verdict on “ultimate treat food.” As it turns out, he knows a lot about the science of cooking, but not a whole lot about the actual practice, so he sits cross-legged in a chair and directs you to various cabinets as you measure and mix and whisk. When you get the batter poured out on the griddle, he’s pattering on about the chemical differences between baking soda and baking powder. 

He looks utterly dismayed when the first chocolate chip hits his forehead. Turns out his lack of hand-eye coordination applies to mouth-eye coordination too, and the floor is littered with semi-sweet projectiles before he actually catches one, but he’s laughing, so you really can’t bring yourself to care. 

The pancakes are a total success. When you’re both stuffed and sugar-high, you grab the syrupy plates and bring them to the sink for a quick rinse. 

“You don’t have to,” Spencer protests. You ignore him. His next words are much softer, scratchy and hoarse: “Thank you. I don’t — just — thank you.” 

“Nothing to thank me for,” you say briskly. Then you turn around, and you freeze, because he’s a whole lot closer than you thought he was; he’s right there, close enough that you could reach out and run your fingers through his hair, or trace the sharp line of his jaw. 

He has a tiny streak of whipped cream at the corner of his mouth, right where his lips curl up as he smiles, and for a second you can barely breathe with how much you want to stand up on your tiptoes and see if he tastes as sweet as he looks. 

For a second he looks like he wants you to. He’s frozen too, for a moment, and you can hear his breath catch, but then he scoops you up in a hug, squeezing tight. And yeah, it’s just friendly, but it’s a hug from Spencer, and that happens rarely enough that it feels like a treat of its own, so you go with it, forehead pressed to his shoulder, heart racing.

When he releases you, you tell yourself you’re not disappointed. 

“Right,” you say, bossy to cover how flustered you feel. “Back to business.” 

“I think I need more practice sitting still,” Spencer confesses, following you back out to the couch. “It feels weird just… not doing anything.” 

You pause, deliberating. “Well, we could keep our hands busy?” 

With a quick rummage, you produce paint and an extra large pad of paper, holding them up for Spencer’s inspection. He frowns. 

“I don’t have any paintbrushes.” 

“They’re finger paints,” you say, grinning, and he laughs. 

“Of course they are.” 

You set everything up on the coffee table while Spencer presses play, and the two of you sit down on the floor, side by side. Spencer looks down at his onesie, then at the paint, frowning. 

“It’s all washable, Spencer.” 

“Still,” he mumbles. “I don’t want to take it off, but —” 

He unzips the onesie halfway, peeling the arms off and letting the fabric bunch up around his waist. 

“There we go, putting that genius brain to work,” you tease, but you’re touched that he cares enough about your present to worry about stains. 

It’s hard to ignore how close you’re sitting. You do your best, keeping your eyes on either the TV or your masterpiece of Abstract Expressionism, but Spencer’s knee is pressed to yours, a constant warm pressure, and your hands keep brushing as you both reach for containers of paint, and you can smell him, like vanilla and maybe old books. The whole thing has you feeling flushed. 

Other than that, though, it’s comfortable. It’s always been easy to talk to Spencer, which makes sense considering how much he knows about every subject imaginable, but it surprises you sometimes how easy it is not to talk to him, too. Silence isn’t awkward, with him. Neither of you say anything for the next hour or so. You just giggle at the TV and paint, wordless and companionable, and it’s the happiest you’ve felt in… longer than you care to admit. 

Life is rarely perfect, especially not in your line of work, but this? This is pretty close. 

As the credits start to play, you stretch, and then you look at his paper. It takes you a second to recognize yourself, but the likeness is unmistakable. Spencer’s got the exact angle of your eyebrow when you’re looking at him skeptically — apparently you do that often enough that he’s memorized the expression. He somehow managed to capture your smile, the curve of your lips, all in tiny delicate pinky-strokes of purple and turquoise… trust Dr. Spencer Reid to bring that level of precision to finger-painting, and oh god you are not going to think about his fingers any more. 

“Do you like it?” 

“Yeah,” you manage. You clear your throat. “Yeah, I really do.” 

Then he makes it worse by rubbing the side of his neck, bashful and self-conscious, smearing blue-green paint from his collarbone to the sharp line of his jaw, and he’s so busy smiling at you that he doesn’t seem to notice. He swallows, and his Adam’s apple dips, shifting a streak of color, making it flicker. It’s such a silly thing, but it draws your attention to his skin — makes you want to touch. Worst of all, it reminds you that he’s already art, that the shape of him, the delicate precise way he’s put together, is more beautiful than anything you’ve ever seen in a museum. 

It reminds you that you want some things you can never, ever have. 

“You’ve got — um,” you say, gesturing helplessly. He blinks at you, slow like he’s coming out of a trance, and tucks his hair behind his ear, smearing more paint there before he remembers. You giggle, sharp and nervous, and it breaks the tension all at once. Spencer laughs too, rolling his eyes at himself. You get up clumsily to go grab a wet paper towel from the kitchen. 

The moment is gone, but your heart is still racing. 

“What’s next?” Spencer asks softly, once you’re both cleaned up. 

He missed a tiny spot; there’s a blue smudge right at the corner of his jaw, and you want to touch it, feel it under your fingertips, see if the skin is as soft as it looks, right there where the bone stretches it thin. 

“Blanket fort,” you blurt out, before you can do anything embarrassing. 

His eyes light up. 

It really shouldn’t surprise you that Spencer and his engineering PhD make quick work of a pile of sheets and clothespins. You’re pretty sure that he could revolutionize the entire field of blanket fort construction, if left to his own devices, but you keep poking him when he gets lost in his head or starts muttering calculations to himself. The point is having fun. 

The end result is a lot more Frank Lloyd Wright than any of your childhood creations, but Spencer looks absolutely gleeful, so. It’s the spirit of the thing. 

“One more thing,” you say. “Do you have any Christmas lights?” 

Spencer frowns. “I don’t — oh! Wait!” 

He runs to the closet, and he ends up halfway inside the closet, digging around on his hands and knees. You’re about to make a crack about Narnia when he comes out, holding up a box with a triumphant smile. 

You read the label: “Halloween decorations 3 of 4.” 

Because of course Spencer Reid has Halloween lights. He pulls out several long ropes of them; a couple are shaped like tiny skulls, one is strung with Jack-o-Lanterns, and two could pass as Christmas lights if they weren’t orange and purple. You help him detangle the knot of them and drape them over and through your fort, and when you turn out the normal lights and draw his heavy curtains, the whole thing glows in patches of orange and purple and white. 

“After you,” you tell Spencer, and he crawls in without any more prompting. 

There’s more than enough room to sit up, but Spencer is lying down on his back in the nest of blankets and pillows that you’d relocated from the couch. He’s staring up at the “ceiling” in silence, eyes glittering with some unreadable expression where they catch the twinkling shards of light. You make yourself comfortable next to him, looking up and wondering what he’s seeing. 

“I always wondered what the appeal was,” he whispers. “Of blanket forts. And… childhood in general, I guess.” 

“You grew up pretty fast, huh?” you say quietly. 

“Yeah. And I never — I feel like most of the team doesn’t take me seriously sometimes. Like I’m still a kid to them. I always feel like I have to prove myself.” 

Your instinct is to deny it automatically, but you know what he means. They laugh him off for his quirks, for the way he gets excited about things and for the things he gets excited about. That’s what’s so incredible about him, though: that dichotomy of knowledge and curiosity, the breathless excitement when he makes a discovery.

“I liked pretending I had my own little world,” you tell him. “Blanket forts. Felt like I could actually shut all the bad things out.” 

“Still feels like that,” he says, and you can hear the smile in his voice. 

“Nothing wrong with acting like a child, sometimes. We need that. Even if it’s just pretend.” 

“I think I get it now.” 

“Hmm?”

He’s silent for a long moment before he says, “In here, everything’s perfect.” 

“Or we can pretend it is.” 

You turn your head to find Spencer looking at you, and he doesn’t look away when your eyes meet. You barely want to blink for fear of breaking whatever spell you’re under. 

There’s something raw and earnest and almost scared shining all over his face, like you’re catching a glimpse of the child he used to be, before the world taught him to put on a brave face and keep his most intense feelings to himself. It makes you feel shaky in ways you were really not prepared for. 

There’s a heavy moment of silence. You’re painfully aware of how loud your breathing sounds. 

It’s a hell of a thing, to have his focus like this. You fell in love with him watching him work; you know how intensely he can devote himself to a task, to a puzzle, to a map… and every so often, when the two of you talk, he focuses all that brilliance on you, and he listens so completely that you feel his attention like a spotlight. 

That’s when he usually looks away, dropping his gaze like it’s something to be embarrassed about, because too many people have told him to stop staring. 

He’s not looking away now. He turns onto his side to completely face you, curling up in that sweetly childish way with his hands between his cheek and the pillow, and you mirror him.

“Feels like we’re alone.” 

He’s right; there are no distractions, no excuses to be made, no interruptions. It’s just the two of you, and it’s terrifying. 

“Feels safe,” you whisper, because that’s true too. Your heart is racing, and it’s like you can hear your pulse in your ears, but it’s the quietest sort of panic you’ve ever felt. “I think that was exactly what I wanted, after the last couple weeks. To get away. To feel safe.” 

There’s an orange light throwing most of his face into shadow, but you can see the corner of his mouth a little too clearly. You’re maybe a foot apart. It would be so easy — 

“We don’t get that often.” His voice is barely more than a breath. 

“Safety?” 

“That too, but —” His breath hitches, and he clears his throat. “What we want. I don’t usually get what I want, but this was — this was very close to perfect.” 

“Yeah, well, when is life ever perfect?” You manage a smile. “What would make it perfect? If you could have anything.”

“It’s not something I can have, though.” 

“So pretend. It’s just us, and there are no rules today. What would it be?”  

He bites his lip. “I don’t think —” 

“For once in your life, Spencer, stop overthinking it,” you half-laugh, and then he’s propping himself up on one elbow, shifting forward, leaning closer, close close close until he’s all you can see, and —

He kisses you. 

It’s the most gentle, feather-light brush of a kiss you’ve ever felt, barely more than a graze of his parted lips over yours. It’s there, and then it’s gone again before you can even begin to process the sensation. 

As your eyes flutter open you can already see the fear setting in, dark intense gaze fixed on you as he inhales sharply. 

You’re still trying to remember how to breathe; you’re too stunned to react beyond blinking at him. 

“I’m sorry. Can we just —” He shakes his head, hand over his mouth like he’s trying to hold onto the kiss. “Do you think we could pretend — can we pretend I didn’t do that? I’m so sorry.” 

“I don’t want to pretend,” you say shakily.  

He stares. 

This doesn’t seem real. It’s such a strange moment that you might as well be trapped in a Dali canvas. There’s fingerpaint on his face, and he’s wearing a Captain Kirk command uniform onesie, and there’s a tiny Jack-o-Lantern glowing over his head. If you’d imagined the “perfect” moment, this would not be it. 

But you reach out, running your fingertips over the dark smudge of paint on his jaw, and the skin is hot and smooth. He shivers at the touch. It’s real. 

“Spencer?” Your throat is tight, but you manage a choked, “I want you to kiss me again.” 

He does, with a careful hand cupped to your cheek and a smile curling his lips when they meet yours. You run your fingers through his hair, and you both laugh when they catch on dried paint. 

“Perfect,” he whispers. 

It really is. 

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.

.

[d-criss-news]

20 Questions With Darren Criss: How Acting Has Helped Him Make New Music

While Darren Criss has graced our TV screens with a range of characters, from high schooler Blaine Anderson on Glee to serial killer Andrew Cunanan on The Assassination of Gianni Versace, he was last spotted just being himself, on our For You Page on TikTok. “I’m walking to rehearsal with a guitar on my back with a Trader Joe’s bag ... I did not bring an umbrella because I forgot that it was raining. I’m rocking that NYC musician life,” the Glee alum explained in the hilarious clip posted three days ago.

While Criss’ acting work has earned him acclaim and stardom, he leaned into making music during the pandemic. On Aug. 20, he dropped a new EP, Masquerade, featuring five new tracks that Criss says were inspired by the different characters Criss has embraced throughout his career. After Criss wrote songs for his musical comedy web series Royalties and Apple TV+’s animated sitcom Central Park before the pandemic struck the United States, he then used those experiences as a precursor to his new EP. As Criss continues to promote his new music, he answered 20 of Billboard's questions – giving us a peek into how his new EP came together, and how growing up in San Fransisco shaped him as an actor, singer and all-around artist.

1. What inspired your latest project, Masquerade?

Although I would have preferred that it come at a far less grim cost, I finally had the time. Before the pandemic, I had written 10 new songs for my show Royalties -- along with an original song for Disney and another for Apple’s Central Park. These were all assignments in which I was writing for a certain scenario and character. Go figure. It was the most music I had ever written in a calendar year. This really emboldened me to rethink how I made my own music— to start putting a focus on “character creation” in my songs, rather than personal reflection. The latter was not proving to be as productive. The alchemy of having this time and having set a new intention with my own songwriting and producing made me put on a few of my favorite masques and throw myself a Masquerade.

2. How do you think your background as an actor complements your music?

They are one and the same to me. I treat acting roles like musical pieces— dialogue is like scoring a melody; there’s pace, dynamics, cadence, tone. Physical characterization is like producing -- zeroing in on the bass line, deciding on the kick pattern. Vocal characterization is like choosing the right sonic experience, choosing the most effective snare sound, and mixing the high end or low end. It goes without saying that it works in the complete opposite direction. Making each song is taking on a different role literally and employing the use of different masques to maximize the effectiveness of the particular story being told.

3. On Instagram  you wrote that “Masquerade is a small collection of the variety of musical masques that have always inspired me.” Which track do you identify with most in your real life?

Everybody absorbs songs differently. Some key into the lyrics, some into the melody, some the production, some into vocal performance. When I listen to songs, I consider all of their value on totally different scales. So it’s hard to say if there’s any track I “identify” with more than any others, since I -- by nature -- identify with all of them. I think I just identify with certain aspects more than others. If it helps for a more interesting answer, I will say I enjoy the slightly more classical, playful -- dare I say -- more Broadway-leaning wordplay of “Walk of Shame,” but that’s just talking about lyricism. I enjoy the attitude of “F*kn Around,” the batsh--t musicality of “I Can’t Dance,” the relentless grooves of “Let’s” and “For A Night Like This.” All have different ingredients I really enjoy having an excuse to dive into.

4. What’s the first piece of music that you bought for yourself, and what was the medium?

Beatles audio cassettes: “Help” and “Hard Day’s Night.” I just listened on repeat on a tape-playing Walkman until my brother and I got a stereo for our room with a CD player in it, which was  when I just bought the same two albums again, but this time as compact discs.

5. What was the first concert you saw?It’s hard to say, because my parents took us to a lot of classical concerts when we were small. But I guess this question usually refers to what was the first concert you went to on your own volition, and that my friend, was definitely Warped Tour ’01. My brother and I went on our own— two teenagers going to their first music festival, in the golden age of that particular genre and culture. It was f--king incredible.

6. What did your parents do for a living when you were a kid?

My dad was in private banking and advised really, really wealthy people on how to handle their money. My mom was, by choice, a stay-at-home mom, but in reality, she was my dad’s consigliere. They discussed absolutely everything together. They were a real team, and I saw that every single day in the house. They both had a background in finance (That’s how they met in the first place.) and were incredibly skilled at all the hardcore adulting things that I absolutely suck at. They were total finance wizards together. So of course, instead of becoming an accountant, I picked up playing the guitar and ran as far I could with it. Luckily, they were all about it.

7. What was your favorite homecooked meal growing up?

My dad was an incredible chef. For special occasions, I’d request his crab cakes. They were unreal. I’ve never had a crab cake anywhere in the world that was good as my dad’s.

8. Who made you realize you could be an artist full-time?

I don’t know if I’ve actually realized that yet.

9. What’s at the top of your professional bucket list?

The specifics change every day, but the core idea at the top is to continue being consistently inconsistent with my choices, and to keep getting audiences to constantly reconsider their consideration of me. But I mean, sure, what performer doesn’t want to play Coachella? What songwriter doesn’t want to have Adele sing one of their songs? What actor doesn’t want to be in a Wes Anderson film?

10.  How did your hometown/city shape who you are?

San Francisco. I mean, come on. I was really lucky. The older I get, the more grateful I am for just being born and raised there. It’s an incredibly diverse, culturally rich, colorful, inclusive, vibrant city. By the time I was born, it had served as a beacon for millions of creative, out-of-the-box thinkers to gather and thrive. I grew up around that. The combination of that with having parents, who were unbelievably supportive of the arts themselves, laid an incredibly fortunate foundation to consider the life of an artist as a legitimately viable option. It’s a foundation that I am supremely aware is not the case for millions of young artists around the world. I was absurdly lucky.

11.  What’s the last song you listened to?

I mean probably one of mine, but not by choice. I know, lame. But I’m promoting a new EP, what’d you expect? But if you wanna know what I’ve been listening to, as far as new s--t is concerned: a lot of Lizzy McAlpine, Remi Wolf, and Charlie Burg.

12.  If you could see any artist in concert, dead or alive, who would it be?

The Beatles is an obvious "yeah, duh." Sammy Davis, Mel Tormé, or of course, Nat King Cole. I would’ve loved to see Howard Ashman give a lecture on his creative process and his body of work.

13. What’s the wildest thing you’ve seen happen in the crowd of one of your sets?

I feel like just having a crowd at all, at any one of my sets, is pretty wild enough.

14. What’s your karaoke go-to?

The real answer to this I’ll write into a book one day, because I have a lot to say about karaoke etiquette. I have two options here: I can either name a song that I like to sing for me, for fun, or I can name a song that really gets the group going. The answer depends on what kind of karaoke night we’re dealing with here. So I will say, after I’ve selected a ton of songs that services a decent enough party vibe for everyone else, then I would do one for me, and that would be the Beatles’ “Oh! Darling.”

15. What’s one thing your most devoted fans don’t know about you?

What I have up my sleeve.

16. What TV show did you binge-watch over the past year?

Dave is a stroke of genius. There are episodes that I believe are bona fide masterpieces. Also, My Brilliant Friend is a masterclass in cinematic television.

17. What movie, or song, always makes you cry?

It’s A Wonderful Life.

18. What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

Get used to sharing everything about yourself and your life now, or more astutely, to the idea that you don’t necessarily get to control how your life is shared. I know it’s not really your thing, but you’re gonna have to get used to it, so start building up those calluses now. And don’t worry, all the stuff you love now will be cool again in your mid-thirties, so keep some of those clothes because you’ll be a full-blown fashion icon if you just keep wearing exactly what you’re wearing. Oh nd also, put money into Apple and Facebook.

19.  What new hobby did you take on in the last year?

I’ve always been a linguaphile. My idea of leisure time is getting to study or review other languages. This past year, I took the time to finally dive into learning how to read, write, and speak Japanese. Other than making music, it was one of the biggest components of my 2020-2021.

20. What do you hope to accomplish or experience by the end of 2021?

I hope I get to play live shows again.

[leverage-commentary]

Leverage Season 3, Episode 3, The Inside Job, Audio Commentary Transcript

Geoffrey: Hi, I’m Geoff Thorne, I wrote this episode.

John: I’m John Rogers, executive producer and director of this particular episode.

Beth: Hi, I’m Beth Riesgraf. I play Parker.

[Laughter]

John: She - It’s her first time, be gentle everyone.

Aldis: This is DJ Fudge, your resident Aldis Hodge impersonator.

[Laughter]

John: Really, every time, a different one?

Aldis: Every time! Dag gone. Every time!

Chris: This is Chris Downey, executive producer, and this is The Inside Job. John, this is your directorial debut.

John: It is indeed.

[Cheers]

Chris: How terrified were you?

John: You know what? I was not terrified. ‘Cause I knew we had a great crew, and it really is that, you know, when you’ve got a DP like Dave Connell and you’ve got, you know, an “A” operator like Gary Camp, it’s just- tell ‘em what you want to see, and how you want to feel, and they’ll get you there. And the actors of course busted their ass, too.

Geoffrey: Yes, thank you actors.

Aldis: Thank you.

John: In particular, this scene, Tim took his lunch off the day before to come in and block. And make sure it was all blocked out because we had a really crammed day the next day. But I wanna ask Geoff because- this is how Geoff got hired for the show, he wrote this as a freelance. He sold this as a freelance.

[Cheers]

Geoffrey: [whooping] Yay, me!

[Laughter]

John: And what gave you the idea for this? And it was originally called the Lobster Trap, cause of the line, yeah.

Geoffrey: The Lobster Trap, right. Back when the show first started, I wanted to get on it and I didn’t. I didn’t get on for two seasons, and this is one of the pitches that I pitched these guys. And they bought it as a pitch, and then it sort of just sat gathering dust. And the characters as described by Chris and John initially, were sort of Mission Impossible-y, they were characters. But over two seasons the actors filled them up with things that were not in that original, sort of, baseline “here’s who we’re talking about”, and it was really fun to be able to come back two seasons in and sort of do a similar story to what was pitched, but to really take advantage of the things, the nuances, and the sort of weird backstory stuff that is implied, by the way the actors - Beth in particular, in this particular case - filled up Parker. It was just a ball.

John: And there’s Richard Chamberlain.

Everyone: Aww.

John: I’m utterly stealing an old William Shatner trick there. William Shatner, when he would come on Star Trek would walk- using an old theater trick, walk onto the set with his back to the camera constantly, upstaging everyone, so you were forced to look at him.

[All Laugh]

Chris: Wow

John: Yeah, that’s actually- he told me that, back when he was on Cosby. 

[Laughter]

John: And so it always stuck in my head. And that was also raining constantly, so we had this 70-something year old actor up on a roof in 50 degree weather with rain.

Geoffrey: And he was a killer.

Beth: Oh, that’s right.

John: But it gave us a great sky, so that’s what’s important. 

Geoffrey: Yeah. And he was like, 70 year old actor, whatever, he was great.

John: Yes, he did not miss a beat.

Aldis: John you like putting people on roofs, don’t you?

John: I do like putting people on roofs.

Chris: Me too.

John: It’s a show about people who rappel and break into shit-

Aldis: I’m just saying!

John: We should be on roofs a lot! 

Geoffrey: And blow stuff up.

John: Now, Beth, this was a giant backstory episode for you. I guess, what’d you think when you- besides the great action opening, what did you think when you read the script?

Beth: I was so excited. I was really excited, because I guess you and I talked a bit about her backstory. I guess any time we get to dive in and show the audience bits and pieces of the puzzle I get really excited about it. And I felt like we earned it, you know, this season to sort of expose some more bits about Parker, and the fact that Richard Chamberlain came on was like, “Ahhh!” Yeah, and this is totally a non sequitur, but I was watching A Fish Called Wanda last night-

John: Ok?

Beth: And I was like oh my god! [Laughs] 

Chris: A heist movie, I wouldn’t call that a non sequitur; that is a heist movie.

Geoffrey: Archie Leach

Beth: Archie Leach! I was like, “oh snap!” Yeah, so anyways, that was funny.

Chris: Now here, both John and Geoff, what was the challenge in creating Parker’s home? I mean this is not something we’d even alluded to.

Beth: This was fun.

John: Well this was- I’ll first mention by the way, that iconic shot and the one coming out is all Dave Connell. I’d originally planned to follow them in with the camera, into the spotlit area, and Dave was the one who said why don’t we start it low, and then turn on the lights?

Geoffrey: God bless Dave.

Aldis: No, he said [in British accent], “Why don’t you start it low, mate?”

John: Yeah, “Why don’t you start it low, mate?” And really Dave is a master of, “I’m not gonna tell you the shot you set up is shit, but I’m gonna give you a suggestion that’ll make it look much better.”

[All Laugh]

Chris: And Geoff, what went through your mind about where Parker would live?

Geoffrey: Well, honestly? Initially I had no idea. When you guys designed Parker she was your prototypical, perfect catburglar. And that was kind of- you know, I come from a comic book/sci fi world, so that’s just how I saw her. And then over the two years as an actual fan of the show - Beth filled her up with different things. She was quirkier than I had initially thought she would be. She was less Mata Hari and more sort of, savant thief? And so I thought what kind of a brain could this person, who I’m seeing do this stuff, what would her real life be like when she was away from the others? And it would be kind of a stripped down life, right? Her only sense of value would be, the get. It wasn’t even the having, it was the getting. So, and that literally all came from Beth, and putting that bunny there? That was like the last little touch, I think that we did that in the room. 

John: Yeah it was- because again, the bunny had become this kind of iconic image from the pilot. And that’s the original bunny, and it was a real pain in the ass to find.

Beth: I remember you trying to find the bunny, yeah.

John: Yeah, it was not- it was like it’s gotta be. Because the fans will know! And also, stealing the clear things to shoot through was great.

Chris: And there's a great effect here cause it seems like her stuff literally is floating in space.

Beth: Yeah, and the space is-

Chris: There's no sense of walls.

Beth: Yeah, and the space is massive. But I like the fact that that it's all right together in one little spot of her-

Aldis: Right there, yeah.

John: Yeah, it's a weird mix of like she needs the security of closed spaces, she prefers closed spaces, but she likes no corners.

Beth: Exactly, yeah.

Geoffrey: I like the idea, I really like- and Dave really embodied this, and I wish I could say “oh this was the plan” but it just sorta all came together with everybody, it was literally like you were walking into Parker's mind. And that was not the plan, but it certainly looked like it was the plan.

John: This is everything that's important to Parker externalized.

Beth: Right.

John: Now I'm gonna ask Aldis: you had a really tough little turn there when he said, you know “would you do it for Parker” what’s-

Aldis: Right.

John: You know, how did you prep for that? Or what you were thinking there? What was your attitude coming into this scene?

Aldis: Coming into this scene is like- you understood that Hardison has a thing for Parker. Of course he has an attraction there, but in this scene you can actually physically see the care that he has for her. And they’re two different things, the attraction and the care. He's worried about her, he's scared. And actually, particularly in this scene when he almost gets into it with Eliot, he's not necessarily thinking about the plan as a whole, he's only gunning for Parker and her safety.

John: Yeah.

Aldis: He's going to get his woman.

Geoffrey: That’s right.

Aldis: But I like this scene because it exposed a little bit more of how he truly felt. And I think in this he found out a bit more about how he truly felt about Parker. And, you know, it just leaves open to the imagination for what comes next for him, through this episode and throughout the duration of the series.

John: I do wanna throw one of those lovely little shooting things out. While we were shooting in the streets of Portland, this is in a park in Vancouver, WA. There is a giant clock tower in this park-

Aldis: [Laughs]

Geoffrey: [Laughing] OH MY GOD!

Aldis: That would not shut up!

John: That goes off at noon, and it started going off at noon, and we're like “alright, well, we'll wait it out.”

Beth: And every 10 minutes after that.

John: No, and then a door opens on the side of the clocktower and a diorama appears to tell the history of salmon! I shit you not!

Aldis: Salmon!

Geoffrey: It was insane!

John: I shit you not!

[Talking over each other]

John: We're just burning daylight!

[All Laugh]

Chris: It was a clock with salmon?

John: It was- yes!

Geoffrey: It was the story of salmon fishing in Portland.

John: Animatronic Lewis and Clark --

Aldis: Let me tell you how Jesus created salmon and put them here in Portland!

John: It was nuts

Geoffrey: Exactly! Are we being punked? What is this?!

Aldis: Oh man that was-

John: Brutal daylight just bleeding away on us.

Aldis: Personally I'd just take an RPG and shoot the thing!

[Laughter]

John: I will say- I will say one of our AD's, Jimmy Mac, actually took a crowbar and broke into it to disarm it. Which is why he's my favorite.

Geoffrey: God bless him.

Geoffrey: You're admitting crime, we can't say that!

John: We admit crime all the time here!

Geoffrey: That's just hearsay! That's just hearsay!

John: This is actually a pairing we don't usually do. This was one of my favorite things about the script and how Geoff designed it. And it worked- what’s fun as Geoff coming to this as a fan, he paired up characters in ways that we ordinarily don't think of.

Aldis: Right.

John: In ways he’d want to see. And Sophie talking Hardison down through process is a good approach. And this, by the way, all great actors.

Geoffrey: Yes.

John: Local actors Glen Baggerly and Kirk Mouser.

Aldis: And Lisa Brenner.

John: And Lisa Brenner!

[Cheer]

Geoffrey: Yay Lisa!

John: Who is from LA and is the wife of Dean Devlin.

Aldis: Yes.

[Cheers]

John: And it is not- people go “oh Dean Devlin's wife.” I actually had liked her in a web series called Blank Slate and did not know she was married to Dean.

Beth: Oh wow.

Chris: She's fantastic in it, if you get a chance, she’s-

John: Yeah it’s still floating around on the servers on TNT, I think.

Geoffrey: I think it’s on Hulu too.

John: Yeah it's on Hulu.

Geoffrey: I think it’s on Hulu.

John: It's a lot of fun it's she and-

Chris: Clancy Brown.

John: Clancy Brown. And Eric Stoltz!

Aldis: Right.

John: Really great little webseries. And so when we needed- we wanted a female villain, a scientist, we went out and grabbed her actually, so this worked out great.

Geoffrey: Yeah, she did a great job.

Aldis: You can automatically feel that ominous air about her as soon as she steps onto the scene.

John: Yeah, she tightened it. Well this was- and part of it was, you know, even coordinating with Nadine Haders, our great costume person, what would look good in this blue room? I mean this is the menacing room of blue.

Beth: Right.

Aldis: Yeah.

John: This is the tech room, this is very British style.

Geoffrey: A Steranko!

John: Oh and this Portland actress. I love her eyes at the end of this scene.

Geoffrey: Oh she was great.

Aldis: Yes.

John: Just the little look she throws to Kirk. 

Aldis: Emma Peele, Jonathan Stead.

John: Yeah exactly.

Geoffrey: Right.

John: Yeah, exactly. and if I were going to do The Avengers, this may well be the pairing that I would do.

[Laughter]

Geoffrey: Somebody call the BBC! This works!

John: No reason not to do this version of The Avengers, that's all I'm gonna say.

Geoffrey: Let me write it! I can write it!

Aldis: Stead, stead.

John: This was a ton of fun. That is actually a shot from three blocks away, that we-

Chris: Now how did you do that?

John: Ninja zoomed into. It is what Dave Connell calls “the ninja zoom, mate.” 

Chris: Oh.

John: Where you actually take- you draw a plum line, get a straight line, you use one size zoom, zoom in, and then you lock that shot to another big zoom lens, and then you zoom in, and then you lock that shot to another zoom lens, and you zoom in. You actually stagger three zoom shots. To get an impossible-

Aldis: John, why don't you just tell people the truth. Look, we hooked up our camera operator up to a jetpack.

[Laughter]

John: And fired him across the sky!

Geoffrey: Gary would do that.

John: Gary would.

Aldis: He would, wouldn’t he?

Geoffrey: He would totally do that.

John: Give Gary a jetpack he would totally do it. I also love how Richard played that you didn't know if he was a bad guy or a good guy there.

Geoffrey: He's just like- one of these people, like, why was he sitting on the shelf all this time? He's just- spot on every moment.

Chris: You forget he-

John: He retired, he-

Geoffrey: He was retired? We brought him back?

Chris: He was a master of the mini series.

John: He was a master of the mini series. This was his first role after he retired. There was a reason he was the biggest television star on earth.

Geoffrey: Yeah, he's a killer.

John: Yeah. And I will say, that the first time we did this in rehearsal, he actually did the shogun flip with the cane, and we did it in rehearsal and there’s like five of us on the roof and we went “that’s fucking cool.”

[Laughter]

John: Richard Chamberlain just broke us some shogun.

Geoffrey: He's the only actor I've ever had a problem like being in their vicinity of.

John: Yeah, he’s just intimidating.

Geoffrey: Like normally it's just work or whatever, there's something about it being him specifically I was just like, “ahhh!”

John: He's got old school presence.

Beth: Yeah, he does.

Aldis: You lied, Geoffrey, it was me.

Geoffrey: It was kinda you Aldis.

Beth: He was so beautiful.

John: Also that is my comedy roots there, a locked off comedy frame, a fight happening in the background-

[Laughter]

Aldis: Yeah, yeah.

John: That's just- you can't beat that. You really can't.

Beth: Oh yeah I love- my favorite instance of that is The Studio Job when Christian is in the sound booth.

John: And cleared out?

Aldis: Oh, wait!

Beth: And he gets taken out! That was amazing!

John: I also did it in The Rashomon Job, in the through the door frame, when Eliot clears the guard out of the way.

Beth: Oh yes, I love those.

Geoffrey: Insane.

John: There's you really can't go wrong with that.

Beth: No.

Chris: You can't go wrong with guys fighting in the background.

Beth: That was hard not to laugh on that one.

[Laughter]

John: Cause you can hear it, right?

Beth: Yeah. 

Aldis: Yeah.

Beth: Well we could hear it, and then Frakes is always like hissing in the background laughing during every single take.

John: And this was actually a lot of fun coming up with our- these people exist, these sort of corporate headhunters slash cleansers.

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: And building the architecture and the structure of the agricultural company was a lot of fun. And also using agricultural company as the bad guys-

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: Was interesting. It's a very neglected part of modern corporate structure. Beautiful shot, that was Dave Connell.

Geoffrey: And we learned a lot about it.

John: Yeah, it’s- you know, we say drug companies are- you know, we go after drug companies, we go after insurance companies. Agricultural companies are terrifying! In the amount of power and wealth they have.

Geoffrey: Ok, this is something that was improved immeasurably by underthinking it. When I first wrote this scene, these lasers were threads. There were a billion red threads all over this room that this poor girl was gonna have to dodge her way through.

Chris: Ohhh.

John: And I will say- oh by the way visual effects guys putting the reflection of the laser in the spoon? Amazing.

Beth: Yeah, it was really amazing.

Geoffrey: They were like “Geoff, lasers!” and I was like “Can we do lasers?”

[Laughter]

Chris: Oh lasers are cheap! Thread is amazingly expensive!

John: As the director who had to get like a 13 year old Portland girl to somersault through red thread, I was like “yeah we're doing fucking lasers.” It’s an empty floor.

[Laughter]

Chris: Let's give props to her she did-

John: She did a great job.

Chris: I mean how great was that?

Beth: I mean I had to show her how to do it.

[Laughter]

Beth: That took a little time.

John: That is true. And this is also was kinda the struggle in the rewrite. Now, originally when we started-

Geoffrey: Oh god.

John: He's started as a much more sinister and kind of cruel character.

Geoffrey: Yeah, he and Tim were much more sort of physically at odds with each other. And we went around and around you, me, Dean, and Chris sort of kept bouncing different versions of Archie around. Like, what would he be like?

John: Because if he's not sympathetic at some point, you don't understand why Parker would go back for him.

Beth: Right, and that moment at the end doesn't pay off either.

John: Exactly. And so getting a great actor like Richard Chamberlain made a giant difference, but also coming up with a “he never would've put her in this if he'd had the choice.”

Beth: Yeah.

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: It really made a difference.

Chris: We had the-

John: We rewrote right up to shooting. I mean I was-

Geoffrey: Right up until? What do you mean until? It was during-

Chris: And I mean the idea was we were gonna plant the two, sort of, father figures together- 

Geoffrey: Right.

Chris: In this, going mano y mano. And you wanted it to go back and forth, and each one of them having a kinda-

Geoffrey: A win.

Chris: A say, you know, a victory in a sense, over the course of the story, about who had her interests at heart.

John: Well-

Aldis: Now Geoffrey- oh? Go ahead.

John: No, I just wanted to note, that was actually interesting Christian had gotten injured and we were trying to figure out how to deal with it. And going back and forth on CG and everything, I realized you know we always say you only see one out of every three jobs on the TV.

Aldis: Yeah.

John: Just put a bandage on his nose! Shit happens to Eliot Spencer.

Beth: Yeah.

Aldis: Oh, exactly.

Geoffrey: And by the way, I made a crack about- later on you being Kitty and him being Wolverine from the X-Men. But he heals crazy fast!

Aldis: Yeah, yes he does.

Beth: He actually does have like-

John: Weird okie blood going.

Beth: Superhuman.

Geoffrey: Like two days later there was nothing left of that injury.

Chris: By the way, I don't know how much of the drilling the thing into the line is real, but I bought every minute of it.

John: This is- you know what, here’s- I will say one thing, one bit of directing, just keep people moving and keep them talking quickly. That is the key to everyone believing absolutely everything you say.

[Laughter]

Aldis: Oh yes, you guys keep me talking very fast. Using the biggest words in the world!

John: That's why we hired you, son.

Geoffrey: You poor guy, god bless you.

John: In the reading- we hired you! You got through the monologue quickest in the audition. Had a good time.

Beth: Yeah, there's a reason I say one word every scene.

Aldis: But Geoff I wanted to ask you, I know you came- the idea for the backstory, but why was Chamberlain the particular- well not Chamberlain, but, you know, that particular character-

Geoffrey: Well I like-

Aldis: Archetype for Parker.

Geoffrey: Like I said, as watching the show as opposed to just coming in as a writer before anyone is even cast, trying to get on it-

Beth: Oh my gosh, he was so funny.

Geoffrey: Oh Josiah?

John: We’ll talk about him in a second, but go ahead.

Geoffrey: Oh Josiah was a genius.

Beth: Sorry, I cut you off.

Geoffrey: You guys really filled up these characters in ways that always happens with actors, but in these particular action type things: we don't care, if we don't care about you. 

Aldis: Yeah.

Geoffrey: So, Parker is an interesting puzzle because, you know, Beth’s a lovely woman, she's a sweet person, but she's not crazy. And Parker’s constantly described as crazy, but you wouldn’t really work with a crazy person, I mean you couldn't trust them.

Aldis: Right.

Geoffrey: So, she can't really be crazy, so she's just quirky. What created those quirks? We saw the explosion of the house- 

Aldis: Yeah.

Geoffrey: We saw these little clips of her past, and I was like well how does that add up to this woman we’re dealing with now who we can let dive off a roof and climb up through all the- and like literally walk away from. Cause your character, in theory, loves her. And yet you let her get into all manner of crazy situations.

Aldis: Oh he said the L word, he said the L word, John.

John: He said the-

Geoffrey: Hey, that's a writer talking, I don't know what I'm talking about.

[Laughter]

Beth: His-

John: Actors have different internal stuff. And by the way, I gotta give Aldis an enormous amount of credit, this was the first shot. This was the first thing we set up. And again, I had actually blocked the shot differently, I wanted to shoot the other way out through the windows, and David said “oh John it's a great shot, but why don’t we just point the camera at him this way and - parentheses - we’ll get twice as much footage and it won’t look like shit - close parenthesis.”

[Laughter]

John: ‘Oh, ok we’ll do that.’ 

Geoffrey: He's a king.

John: This was kind of the archetypal episode, which is why I was attracted to- of all the episodes chosen from, directing. Nate’s in mission control, Parker’s running around, you're on the computer, Sophie’s running a grift, Eliot’s got fights. I mean each one really- this is the Avengers issue. You know, where everyone sort of exhibits their superpower.

Geoffrey: And I love-

John: And you were dumping enormous amounts of speeches.

Geoffrey: Thank god for you.

Aldis: And this was the first time that I think, a computer’s been kicking Hardison butt.

John: Yeah, and this was- that was important.

Aldis: I mean, he really had to fight for it.

Chris: And you played it like a real worthy adversary. 

Geoffrey: Yeah.

Chris: I think that was the key, was that it had to be this Steranko, which gave a great name to the- gave it a menacing, you know, air to it.

Geoffrey: Thanks Chris.

Chris: You feel like you were going mano y mano with it.

John: Naming it was actually pretty crucial.

Aldis: Well I went to Juliard to pretend against computers-

[Laughter]

Aldis: It's part of my majors!

John: Great visual effect, by the way. We shot this much later, we didn't shoot it during the episode.

Beth: No, that was a reshoot.

John: That was a reshoot yeah.

Geoffrey: Oh lasers, who knew lasers were so easy.

John: The acts were the wrong length. And so we needed to rebalance the acts, and so we grabbed this as a reshoot later.

Beth: What was-

Geoffrey: So nice, that was all my fault.

John: Yeah we did that when we edit, the acts were the wrong length.

Chris: I think it was just the pace of the show was just much faster than we normally were, and that's why.

John: Yeah, this one really flies.

Aldis: I have a question for you Beth, you're always stuck in these vents and everything. One, how comfortable is that to be shooting?

Beth: I don't mind it, I don't know. I mean, when my son comes to visit set we play in them anyways.

[Laughter]

Geoffrey: Oh my god, really?

Beth: Yeah they’re really-

Chris: I've never seen anyone look better in a vent, by the way.

[Laughter]

Chris: In the history of cinema.

Beth: Thank you, thank you.

John: You rock a vent.

Chris: You rock a vent!

Beth: I work really hard at it. No, I dont know it’s fun, I don't mind- I like it in there actually, it's kinda fun.

John: Quiet and soothing.

Aldis: Also are they real vents or do they build them mostly?

John: This was one of my favorite- they're built, they're built, we can't use real vents.

Beth: This was a fun shot.

Aldis: I got you.

John: This was a fun shot. It’s her assuming a personality in four props on a walk. And I- we couldn't quite get the camera in as tight as I wanted, but look! Boom, she's another human being. Just like that.

Geoffrey: Yeah.

Beth: Yeah that was a good- I love that shot actually, that was fun.

Aldis: Glasses do it for me. They do it for me.

Geoffrey: They work, right?

John: The glasses, a lot of people like the glasses.

Beth: I got a lot of compliments on the- Aldis said it, and like all the cast were like “Hey, I like the glasses.”

Geoffrey: Little known fact, boys like glasses. Boys enjoy glasses. Just throwing that out there.

John: On the magic episode, too, when you had the glasses outside on the cover episode. It was a nice look.

Beth: Yeah, but-

Geoffrey: I told my wife that and she refuses to believe it. I'm like wear the glasses, wear the glasses.

Aldis: Wear the glasses.

[Laughter]

John: This was also a lot of fun because it was allowing Hardison to run point. Essentially he’s- you know, at this point very much, you know, Nate is the general, and he's the colonel on the ground. He's the only one who understands the Steranko; it's a very empowering episode for the character, even though his ass is sitting in an office the entire time.

Aldis: Exactly.

Beth: Yeah.

John: And that was a lot of fun to figure out exactly how to get everyone into the building. I mean this one was a puzzle. This one was really-

Geoffrey: It really was, it was way- it was my fault, and it's my pleasure and my fault. Because we- I thought it was gonna be an easy slam bang thing. And it- just the logistics of keeping track of everybody, and giving everybody good stuff.

Chris: But that's the challenge we always have. 

Geoffrey: That’s true.

Chris: Making sure we know where everybody is.

John: But we got the focus of everyone’s in the same place.

Chris: Right.

Beth: Yeah.

John: Which we don't always get. Everyone’s in different locations within the same place, which was nice to establish the- it was an interesting trade of starting an action and then giving pipe, which is something we don't ordinarily do.

Beth: It was tricky, for me anyway, cause I hadn't met Richard yet, so I was doing all this stuff-

John: I'll tell you when we get there.

Beth: Yeah.

Aldis: Yeah.

John: Cause that's one of my favorite missed opportunity directing stories. And there's- Lisa’s killing it. I love the way Lisa and Gina played these scenes.

Beth: I know, me too.

John: There was a real hostility.

Chris: I like that. I love this beat too, of how she's- Sophie's superpower is she's able to zero on the one person that's not freaking out in the room.

Beth: Yeah.

Aldis: Yeah.

Chris: Yes this kinda can tell-

John: She reads people.

Chris: Who the villain is.

John: And again that's why I was attracted to it. As the first script, Geoff had kinda written the most pure Leverage episode we've had. You know, everybody was very right on it. And by the way I wanna- and finishing each other's speech- sentences was very much their idea. But I would like to note this whole sequence was just easier to shoot cause we were shooting in between rain. It starts when we pick them up walking down from the walkway.

Geoffrey: Right.

John: And so we just shot all those pages continuously, because we couldn't wait for rain. So they banged out like five six pages at a time.

Geoffrey: It was crazy.

John: That's why you'll notice everything’s on steadicam, because Gary would just come around and pick each one of them up. And, you know, Richard- it's cold up there, man! 

Beth: Yeah.

John: And Richard didn't miss a- there was one- he changed one of the words, not even made it wrong, just changed it. And he came over and he was like “oh dear boy, I'm sorry I changed that word”. I’m- like that's like Sully apologizing for landing the plane on a river-

[Laughter]

John: -and the luggage carts came open. Like what the hell, what did you- what is your problem? This is great. This was a ton of fun doing tragedy cam. These people have no idea they're company is not-

Beth: [Unintelligible] was really excited about this.

John: Their company is not actually closing.

Chris: I love using the inner office mail, too. The idea is like-

Beth: Teah.

Chris: How did they hijack the inner workings of corporation for their own ends?

John: Yeah.

Chris: And it's interoffice mail!

Aldis: Mail!

Geoffrey: Just speaking as a fan, a lot of the fun of watching this shows is these people are so amazingly good at their jobs. So the fact that they throw away so much of what would freak me the hell out if I had to do even the smallest aspect of this-

John: Competence porn.

Geoffrey: Yeah, they're just so competent, and like not worried about the things that would be driving me insane. Like can just- can I get from point A to point B.

John: And I would like to say, we tend to throw away things that would be entire acts in other shows.

Geoffrey: That’s true.

[Laughter]

John: They're like in the toss away. I love this. And unfortunately, Richard wasn't available for that conversation, so you were acting into empty space, and you were doing a great job.

Beth: Thank you. It was hard.

John: I'd like to say. It was hard and you were sick as hell that day, too.

Beth: I was sick and I had a fever, I think.

John: A fever for acting.

[Laughter]

Beth: Oh stop it!

Geoffrey: Josiah!

Chris: Speaking of fever!

John: There's Josiah! Oh my god! Talk about a guy who came in and turned a small role into something bigger.

Beth: He was really funny.

John: Even in the auditions, we were like, “Alright, we're writing more for this guy.”

Geoffrey: Yeah, we wrote more because he was so good. Actors, you can have that happen.

[Laughter]

John: He- cause he's a pretty good looking guy, but he’s just a little dweeby, and he comes across so awkward.

Beth: And there were- on my take it was so hard. I mean, I know I never break, I never crack when I'm acting with anybody.

[Laughter]

Beth: But it was- it was like- I had to like bite my cheek a few times really hard because he's a- oh I started to crack, and then.

John: Yeah don’t- you’re very bad at that.

Beth: I don't know! I get- it’s funny!

John: As long as somebody’s laughing, I’ll take that.

Beth: I'm not as bad as Jimmy Fallon.

John: No, well. There you go.

[Laughter]

John: This was also a lot of fun actually coming up with the various and sundry security devices. And we went through like- that's a digital window rig, by the way.

Geoffrey: Oh, man.

John: Instead of- because the building itself was only four stories tall, and was digitally enhanced. We just had to put- to get that shot, we had to put a digital washing rig in it.

Aldis: Now, in that last scene I assume Eliot went to go beat up those guys for their-?

John: No, he bribed them.

Geoffrey: He bribed them.

John: He actually bribed them, he didn't beat them up.

Aldis: Ok, cause I was about to ask-

Geoffrey: Eliot doesn't beat people up unless he has to.

Aldis: How does he not have like carpal tunnel or something because of hitting stuff all day?

Geoffrey: Are you kidding? The first version had him climb- literally climbing up the outside of the building with like sucker-

Aldis: Oh man!

Geoffrey: And him just bitching all the way up the side of the building.

John: And then we realized that that would probably attract a crowd. 

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: People would go “Hey, there's a dude scaling that building.”

Beth: Spidermanning it!

John: Might not be as subtle as we wanted. This was a ton of fun.

Chris: By the way, I love that shot, too, coming up on the table, of the two of them squaring off.

John: That was Gary Camp! Gary Camp saying he can get- he- our “A” operator said, “I can get you the transition out of black,” and he came up and then he crawled along the table with the camera on a wheel that we kinda hacked together to get us the push in on the table.

Chris: Oh.

John: Cause that table was like 15 feet long.

Chris: Oh man that's great.

Aldis: Yeah, Gary Camp is a trooper, man.

Geoffrey: He's a superhero, that guy.

John: Yeah, this is actually also one of my favorite-

Beth: I love this.

John: Gina's delivery on that, “I know, it’s ridiculous!”

Beth: It's so good!

[Laughter]

John: So mocking. So viscous. Because- it was an interesting scene to work on. Geoff and I were working on this. You have to know exactly- you're playing exactly the woman to annoy her. And it was fun telling Lisa like “Alright, this is the pretty bitch that's gotten under your skin since you were a geeky science girl and you were 12. You hate her so much.”

Geoffrey: Just on principle.

John: Yeah, and it really gave her the motivation of, you know, “You're an idiot.” And that is- that was also the trick, to get people to give up the evil speech of evil. 

Beth: Yeah, that's always- yeah.

John: Like, why say it? Well, the reason you say stuff like this is to rub other peoples noses in it.

Aldis: Yeah, right.

Geoffrey: “I’m smarter than you!”

John: So Geoff, the horrible blight that could wipe out the American-

Geoffrey: Is actually real! 

John: It's actually the one we talked about.

[Laughter]

John: This is all real. 

Geoffrey: It’s really scary.

John: This is the least made up one we've ever done.

Geoffrey: We were so scared.

Beth: I love it when I'm reading a script and I do my research, and I'm going online I was like “Wait this is- what?” 

[Laughter]

Aldis: Damn, oh that's messed up

Geoffrey: That happened to us! We were like-

John: The basement! We're getting a bunch of [insura?] to shock them!

Beth: Uh, guys?

Chris: Well certainly no American business would ever unleash something that would create a demand for their product, I mean that would never happen.

All: Noooo!

Geoffrey: Not us, we’re the good guys.

John: Never!

[Laughter]

John: It's a- and you know, this is an actual problem that they are having with genetically modified crops, which is they're just getting out. I mean that's the nature of pollen and seeds, they get out.

Geoffrey: Nature.

John: And the problem that we’re having now is that genetic modified crops that are owned by copyright are infecting other farmers' crops. The farmers accidentally raise those crops, and then the companies can go in and seize that land because they have-

Geoffrey: Copyright infringement.

Chris: Right, it’s copyright.

John: It’s intellectual property. Their wheat is intellectual property.

Aldis: That's terrifying.

John: We’re way down in crazy at this point in the way this works.

Geoffrey: Yeah, it’s actually so scary, the things we think we're making up. And then we see what real people really did with it and we’re just like “oh, oh dear god.”

John: Yeah.

Geoffrey: You know?

John: We don’t- there are days when we don't sleep well. And I also love that- this was Derek Frederickson, the fifth Beatle, giving us a great video display. 

Chris: Mhhm.

Geoffrey: Yes.

John: Of “Well how do we explain this? oh it's the outbreak model!” 

Geoffrey: Right.

John: It's just- when you see a map of, like, red spreading over the US, you know that's bad!

[Laughter]

Beth: Yeah.

Aldis: Yeah!

John: We- you don't have to necessarily follow exactly why.

Chris: The first version had blood dripping down over the country.

Geoffrey: You don't want a spread of red!

John: Illustration of a fat child becoming thin. That was- those were a little harsh.

[Laughter]

Beth: Oh my god.

John: This was also fun, was figuring out the tag team. Like, you know, she can carry it so far. And again, it was the nature of the in media res of the structure of the script, is everyone carries the football a little bit farther down the field, you know. This is- and that's a digital-

Geoffrey: That roof was so awesome.

Aldis: Yeah.

John: And that's digital Boston behind them, actually. That's just nothing but river behind them.

Geoffrey: That's right! Oh right.

Beth: Oh yes!

Geoffrey: Holy crap.

John: There's no city there.

Chris: There’s mountains there, right?

John: Yeah, there’s mountains there.

Beth: It kept raining up there.

John: Oh god did it keep raining. That was a really- and when we got up on that roof I remember I had a different place in mind, and I'll give Dean credit for this cause- I’m a very cautious person, I have a plan m. And I had a different location that was actually in a construction site nearby, and Dean went “You got this roof! You have to shoot on this roof!” “I don't know about the rain.” “Give it a shot!”

[Laughter]

Beth: You didn't want to cause you don't like heights.

John: Well also I don't like heights.

Chris: Well I think-

John: But that was only four stories, I was fine with that.

Beth: Yeah, I was about to say you were pretty calm, actually.

John: I was pretty calm with that.

Aldis: It’s not 44 stories.

John: No, the time I didn't like heights is when I was 44 stories up with you. 

Beth: Yeah.

John: Call me crazy for not liking that.

Geoffrey: Oh the Chicago stuff?

Aldis: Yeah.

Geoffrey: I wish I was there.

John: Yeah little miss crazy here skipping along the edge of the roof. “Oh this is fun! This is great!”

Geoffrey: “Come back from the edge!”

Aldis: Now this is about the longest time that we've all five spent apart-

John: In the script, yeah.

Aldis: Individually. Because usually we're all split up, but at least in pairs. Or something like that. Was that planned? Or how did you go into that?

Geoffrey: I gotta say, that wasn't a plan in the sense that I wanted you guys separated. But as a fan of this kind of material and a fan of this show, I love the fact that you guys are like the kings of your different countries. And the best way to show it, is to have you just be running that country. So like what John was saying, I didn't intentionally go “OK, this is gonna be the great moment where we see Hardison versus his greatest computer adversary.” It just sorta worked out that way.

Aldis: Yeah.

Chris: It was very much dictated by the story, too. 

Geoffrey: Yes.

Chris: Because this episode kinda takes place in real time, more or less.

Geoffrey: Yeah, yeah.

Chris: So there weren't a lot of opportunities with Parker trapped in the building, and Nate and Archie on the roof, to bring everyone together to like, regroup.

Geoffrey: That's right.

Chris: That wasn't a real moment that leant to that.

Geoffrey: And I wanted to see what you guys would do if you didn't have the time- what you guys, what the characters would do if they didn't have the time.

Chris: *Whispering* They're not real.

Geoffrey: They are so! And they're real to me man!

[Laughter]

John: This is the problem.

Geoffrey: They're real to me!

John: I wanna give Josiah a big shout out here. 

Aldis: Yeah.

Beth: It was so-

John: We added this scene. 

Geoffrey: Yes.

John: We were like we needed the transition scene, it wasn't originally that, we gave him that speech.

Geoffrey: Because he was damn good.

John: The 40- and I think he winged the 40 is the new 30, and just-

Beth: I think he did, too.

John: He improv-ed that whole speech. And it was just so awkward and unpleasant, and it was just flawless.

Chris: Here’s the window washer.

Geoffrey: Poor Eliot.

Beth: He did it- I think he did it like three times and each time it was equally- I mean, it was just so good every time he did it.

John: And also to basically call out where we were talking about each character isolated, that's why we had to give each person a specific problem or story antagonist. 

Geoffrey: Right.

John: So- because there was no one else to play off of.

Chris: Right.

Beth: Yeah.

John: I mean, so, you had to have the Steranko, you had to have the security guys. You know, Nate had to have-

Geoffrey: Archie.

John: Archie. And Gina- Sophie had to have the doctor. Eliot is basically just freeballing it, but he was-

Chris: Eliot’s is the side of the building.

John: Yeah, Eliot is-

[Laughter]

Chris: He has to get up the building.

Geoffrey: This was discredit Eliot year. 

Chris: There's the blood red country.

John: There you go, that's bad.

Beth: It looks scary.

John: Yeah, exactly.

Beth: Red.

Aldis: Makes me think of Christmas, and Santa.

John: Oh god, this was- we threw this together.

Beth: Oh that was so- yeah didn't we just-?

Geoffrey: That was, right?

John: That was late at night.

Beth: Last minute. That was like three in the morning.

John: Yeah, it was three in the morning.

Chris: Now John, were you thinking about like what direction people were going in? 

John: Yes

Chris: In terms of the cutting pattern, how’d you keep track of that?

John: Suzanne, scripted it.

Chris: She did? She said “OK, previously we had gone left to right, now we’re going right to left.”

John: Well it was more I figured it out geographically where the office was, so I knew that that person had to be going this way, that person had to be going that way.

Chris: Ok.

John: And it just sorta presented itself. But this is, by the way, all green screen. 

Geoffrey: Yeah

John: And it's a great green screen, it's got a little wind going, it's got a little off focus which is the crucial thing in green screen, you can't have the background in too good a focus. And this was tough and you were amazing in this.

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: What this is the- you have to choose. You have to- this is like Parker's new morality.

Beth: Yeah.

John: And so what were you thinking when you dove in there?

Aldis: She's becoming human.

Beth: The blocking was hard on that.

[Laughter]

John: That was tough. You were yelling at Christian and he was through a window.

Chris: He gave you one of those acting things and you were like “I had something in my shoe.”

[Laughter]

Beth: I know, sorry that didn't really answer that-

Geoffrey: Become [?]

Beth: I really like my ponytail is really-

[Laughter]

Beth: No, I- what started outside the door-

John: Well the power comes from the ponytail.

Beth: Yeah, the power of the ponytail. Well, there were so many different beats to play in that.

John: There's a turn- you have to motivate your own turn in that, and that was just tough.

Geoffrey: Sorry.

Beth: Yeah, and then I think it's also the comm stuff. 

John: Yeah.

Beth: Taking into play, always when- you're in a scene with one actor, but you know the rest can hear you. And so it's like you're thinking with that, but she's just going off base. Yeah, she's taking her on turns and all of that stuff. So it was interesting along with the physical blocking, I had like two inches to move, when my body- all I wanted to do was rant around the room.

John: Oh, that's right, the room- 

Chris: Oh.

John: The way the camera was set up in the room, she was constrained to about three feet of being able to shift her weight back and forth.

Beth: And I kept running off camera.

John: When what you wanted to do was pace.

Beth: Yeah, right.

John: And it made sense for you to pace, by the way. That was exactly the right instinct.

Geoffrey: But played- the mental pacing plays on your face.

Beth: Yeah.

John: And it's kinda nice actually, the way it- again, you get lucky, it means Parker is bound.

Beth: Yeah.

John: That physical energy. And this is one of my favorite bits. We shot this at 3 o'clock in the morning, blew out that back. And he was great, by the way. 

Geoffrey: Yeah, he was great.

John: He was actually a stunt player who wound up being a great day player. And this is the Wolverine and Kitty scene. And it really is one of those- I have no problem with characters just appearing.

Beth: Yeah.

John: As far as I'm concerned, that's what you guys do.

[Laughter]

Chris: But he- but he was just out on the window line, we know where he is.

Geoffrey: And he had a crowbar in his hand!

Aldis: He walks through walls.

John: And by the way, that little spin, that's not in the script.

Geoffrey: No ,they just did that.

John: They just did that.

Beth: No, I don't know if I can say about that actually, but Christian and I- I don't know if that was one of those moments that were like “Were we rolling on that take?” 

[Laughter]

Beth: No, not really, but you know how we do things with each other sometimes, and then that makes it in, and that's the one that was like- oh that was so great.

John: Yeah, no, that was fantastic. And then the little shit eating grin. And again that was an echo of the Parker/Eliot team ups that we started doing in second year.

Beth: Yeah.

John: That they are- Parker and Eliot as a team are a lot more dangerous than the rest of the team. They actually modify their behavior when they are with other people. 

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: It gives you kinda a different vibe when they're together.

Beth: It's fun, we get to be competitive in that sort of brother/sister way. And also he acts like he, you know, doesn't care what I think when really he does.

John: Yeah. Well we saw that in the finale. 

Beth: Yeah.

John: It's a lovely moment when he turns, when the guy says leave them behind.

Chris: He's a softie.

Beth: Also to give Nadine Haders a prop. She designed that costume- the costume I'm wearing from scratch, she built that.

John: Oh the opening break in costume was great.

Beth: Yeah, yeah.

John: I remember the first time I saw it she was like, ‘A ninja look.’ I was like, ‘I dunno about ninja look.’ And she showed it to me, like, ‘Ahh that's pretty freaking cool.’

[Laughter]

Beth: Yeah she designed it, found all the leather.

John: It also pulled off really nice. So for the unveil, that was a lot of fun.

Beth: It was very cool.

John: There's Eliot choking out some dude who's just trying to get to his pension.

Geoffrey: I know, poor guy.

Chris: Oh that that shot-

John: Some nice CG, a nice stairway extension.

Geoffrey: This is my favorite scene, that was-

John: This is what she does!

Geoffrey: The two of them arguing about the rope, riding the rope.

John: He's not gonna ride the rope.

Geoffrey: What are you, high?

Chris: Oh and let's talk about that prop of the scanner. Now John, what was that prop made out of? I had some really fun-

Beth: Oh my gosh.

[Laughter]

John: That prop is an ipod touch turned sideways, 

Chris: Right.

John: With flash animate- the animation running on it. And then with the-

Chris: A black and decker level, right?

[Laughter]

John: A black and decker laser level.

Geoffrey: That’s amazing.

Chris: It's great- by the way, we never mentioned one of the things on the finale was that the EMP bomb was made out of two, uh, Williams-Sonoma woks.

[Laughter]

Aldis: Yeah, the woks!

John: Eric Bates is our great-

Beth: Wait, what was made out of woks?

John: The bomb!

Chris: The bomb!

Beth: Oh my-

[Laughter]

John: The bomb was made out of woks.

Chris: Made out of Williams-Sonoma woks.

Geoffrey: Oh, that’s great.

John: I love this, the pure rage that they've been played. This is an extended- this is an extended villain must suffer beat.

Geoffrey: “Dammit!”

John: Yeah, and finding them gone. This by the way-

Chris: Oh here we go.

Beth: So good.

Geoffrey: Love this.

John: Here we go! Beautiful.

Beth: Yes I loved that! Christian is so good. I just have to say for a second, the people think that he- is so good at this stuff.

John: Now that was-

Chris: No, wait, look at this moment, I love this.

John: I love this, you're great in this.

Beth: Oh and I-

[Laughter & Cheering & Yelling]

Geoffrey: That's gold! So not scripted!

Beth: Oh I did-?

Chris: And I liked improv-ing it!

Geoffrey: Gold!

Beth: I know I just-

John: For a minute you almost gave him a kiss, it was just-

Beth: I just had thought before we did that take I was like “Oh I should- she would think like that's the right thing to to do, but wait, I don't do that” and then-

[Laughter]

Beth: And then she leaves him hanging.

John: It was perfect.

Chris: Boy did that kill me. There it is! There's the super prop!

John: That double beat, that double beat of Christian- and by the way, we did not have the slide kick in the script.

Geoffrey: No.

John: I showed up on the set and I walked around the corner and there's my actor, like, sliding like a five year old on the floor going “Oh, you know what we could do on this?”

[Laughter]

Geoffrey: He's a madman.

Chris: And this is amazing, this vault.

John: Oh, this by the way-

Chris: Look at that!

Aldis: That's awesome.

John: Becca did a great-

Geoffrey: Becca! All about Becca.

Aldis: The blight!

John: Great set design.

Chris: So wait. Were the lights behind each one?

John: No, no, there was one big light and what they did is they put a yellow on all of these clear pieces of plastic and blew it out. This, by the way, we cannot give the alarm to work so I am offscreen yelling, “Eehh! Eehh! Danger! Eehhh”

[Laughter]

Chris: Look at this, here's your movie shot John, right here. 

Geoffrey: Right here.

Chris: Look at this! people running! trucks!

Aldis: Run like you mean it!

Geoffrey: It was really amazing.

John: And the second after that shot ends we run out of extras.

[Laughter]

Aldis: Exactly.

John: It is an empty plaza a half a second afterwards. This was a ton of fun getting hazmats- and again, Portland really making this possible, there's no way we could've gotten this in LA. These are local firemen, and you know, we made a donation to the city, and it really- they really stuck around all day listening to me yell through a megaphone, it was really great of them.

Aldis: Meanwhile there was a real fire going on that they couldn't attend to because they were shooting- filming our show.

Geoffrey: Shhhh.

John: But we did make a donation to them-

Aldis: We gave a donation, we gave a donation.

Geoffrey: Priorities! priorities!

Beth: Did I mention we donated to them?

John: Yeah, it's just we gave them teddy bears or something for the kids-

Aldis: Yeah we did. 

John: Cause they lost everything.

Aldis: Lollipops, John, lollipops.

John: The point is we made a television show, and that's what's important

Geoffrey: Just for the other fans, I was perched up in a window of the nearby skyscraper watching this scene unfold. It was like amazing to see, it was so cool.

John: Just the scope of that with the-

Geoffrey: Yeah all these things happening!

John: It was great, it was very- that's actually, the back of the building was a very contained parking lot.

Geoffrey: God I loved it.

John: And again the geography of this is tricky as hell, and Derek did a great job of laying out “ok here's the map.”

Geoffrey: Yup.

John: “Here's what we're seeing, these are the elevators.” You know. 

John: That's a great profile shot. She nailed it. And the gun! And you know what they're going to do. 

Chris: There you go.

John: And his panic is fantastic!

[Laughter]

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: He really is flawless.

Chris: “All is calm!” Very Kevin Bacon. “There is no reason to panic!”

John: “There is no reason to panic!” That's exactly what it is-

Chris: Kevin Bacon in Animal House.

Geoffrey: Oh! Oh, come on, that zoom? When the lady walked in? Out of nowhere to yell at us?

John: Most people don't- we won't go into details because the person might well watch this show, but-

[Laughter]

John: When we do those shots everyone has to freeze and then we run the steadicam through the crowd. And as we did it, everyone is frozen and suddenly this woman “tack tack”, you can hear her heels, “tack tack tack tack”. She comes into the shot, and there was a misunderstanding about how we were using the building, she thought we'd shut down the elevators. But it was just this really surreal tableau of fifty frozen people in place and one woman like storming through the middle of it.

[Laughter]

Geoffrey: She was really mad.

John: Just really- it was like, what- is this happening?

Beth: In a rage.

John: Is this like a dream? What was actually great too was Troy, our focus puller, instinctively pulled focus on her all the way through the shot.

Beth: That’s right!

Geoffrey: It’s beautiful.

John: He just- he didn't even realize he'd done it, he just tracked her all the way.

Aldis: Blooper!

Chris: Yeah, I know.

Beth: It’s nuts, he just instinctually kept her in the-

John: Kept- could not have a moving object and not focus on it. 

[Laughter]

John: Yes, her “I have these giant furnaces in these basement”, she managed to pull this off wonderfully. This is- she's a horrible human being.

Chris: Yeah it is. And this is all- Geoff this is a great evil speech.

Geoffrey: She gets two evil speeches-

John: She gets two!

Chris: She gets two, and this one I love.

John: Yeah, the- and this “Your plan has unwittingly helped me, you're all fools.” She really should crush a small globe in her hand at this point.

[Laughter]

Chris: Head of a scorpion.

John: Yeah, exactly.

Aldis: It's the reporter!

[Cheers]

John: Sophie Soong, she was fantastic as Janet Lin. And we wound up- that’s one of those great things about television, we just used this character once, and then we needed a reporter for later one, and we used her. And then- she's actually in the finale, her scene wound up being cut, and it was just one of those things where when you find local actors you like-

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: They make the world seem more real because you see people again and again in your real world, you know. Nice flashback, the two of them- this actually, my favorite directing scene just because Richard was originally in this- and this is a thing for young actors. Richard was originally in this scene, but of course he has no dialogue.

Geoffrey: He's just there.

John: So we just wanted to reestablish geography, he was with Nate at this point. So we finish the blocking and I call cut and stop on the blocking and he goes “Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene.”

[Laughter]

John: And I said to Mr. Chamberlain if “Dear boy, you can't possibly want me in this scene” means you don't want to be in this scene, I believe I agree sir.

[Laughter]

John: You can return to your trailer. Just the- I've never been shut down so classily.

Chris: Oh, there it is!

Aldis: Look at the wind blowing.

All: Ohh!

Chris: That's an iconic shot right there, we knew that when in the room when we had that.

John: That is an iconic shot.

Beth: Christian and Gina battling over the hair toss.

John: Both of them with the hair toss.

Beth: That was all greenscreen on stage.

John: That was green screen, that was actually them on a window washing rig-

Beth: Yeah.

John: And we, like, lifted you fifteen feet above in that shot.

Geoffrey: Yeah, that’s fascinating.

Beth: And here's the quietest location of the movie, I mean of the episode.

John: This is where the train going over every 15 minutes.

Beth: Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!

[Laughter]

John: So this is the weird bit. This is the first time shooting, Beth meets Richard.

Beth: Yeah this is the first time I met him.

John: Yes, exactly. This is a great- and by the way we talked about cutting this “I don't like you” scene and it is crucial, absolutely necessary for the set up.

Geoffrey: They're different people.

John: Yeah, they're different people, we need to set up. His- and I will say as fantastic as this scene is, and it is one of my favorite things we've done in three years going on four, the rehearsal was so amazing I was literally-

Beth: I can't believe we didn't shoot it.

John: We can't because it's two sides!

Beth: I know-

John: You can't light both sides.

Beth: But literally I was like- the second I met him, and we started the scene, the rehearsal, it was like-

John: I know, his face was like-

Beth: Crazy.

John: The crew was crying.

Geoffrey: It was brutal.

John: And it's like- it’s physically impossible to shoot this from both directions. There's no way to light it. And I cursed that moment, I cursed that, I just- ah!

Geoffrey: Yeah but we got to see it, so ha!

Chris: But I mean did you take from that as a director like not to rehearse or to not to-?

John: Well, no, there was- it was blocking. It was- the actors had never literally been on the set before-

Chris: There's no way to avoid that.

John: There was no way to know that was gonna happen. You know, we thought it would just be a blocking moment, and then you with the tears.

Beth: Aww.

Geoffrey: Parker, I love Parker.

Aldis: The first time we’ve seen Parker like this.

John: This moment is what makes this show worthwhile, I mean this whole bit.

Geoffrey: No, you guys and the scene with the faith healer, was the time-

Aldis: Yeah, but with the faith healer-

Geoffrey: That one was like oh damn, put me back in the chair, I was like damn.

John: By the way, that's a killer look.

Aldis: For her to be sentimental towards another-

Geoffrey: Another person, that's true.

John: And the wink. And that- I love, by the way, that turn, by the way, you killed me. I will say that I- that is just a deadly thing to have in your acting tool. Great sky, thank you Portland for raining.

Chris: And there's a version where the train went through, right?

Geoffrey: Yeah, we thought we had it.

John: Yes, but the performance is better here. 

Geoffrey: Yeah.

John: And I know it killed me. What happened was we actually called cut and wrap and we were packing up and then we saw the train coming.

Beth: They were like, ‘Trains!’

John: It was like, ‘Het the fuck back on the set! Go, go, go!

Geoffrey: It was awesome.

John: ‘Get on your marks!’

Beth: But I also like that you were tossing around a few endings there. And I like that ending, but I loved the idea of the Butch Cassidy - the ending on our backs walking away.

John: I know the other shot, but I lost the acting moment. 

Beth: Yeah.

John: I mean that's- and when push comes to shove, actors doing really impressive stuff wins over pretty visuals.

Beth: I know.

John: You know?

Aldis: And-

John: At least it does for me.

Geoffrey: Thanks.

Beth: Yeah, no, I liked it I just- I was saying you had good ideas for the other- good ideas.

John: No, we had a lot of good stuff. Oh we’re well past the ending.

[Laughter]

Beth: Oh.

Aldis: Thanks for watching people!

John: Thank you for watching.

Chris: An episode for [unintelligible]!

Geoffrey: Awesome! Awesome!

Chris: John and Geoff!

John: Put in the next DVD, it's great.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 290: It’s Touya Time

Previously on BnHA: Iida and Hadou showed up like a couple of Pennsylvanias and Georgias to bail Shouto out at the last minute. Ochako and Toga had an exceptionally strange fight which consisted of Toga being all “guess what Ochako, I used your quirk to murder someone, how do you feel about that”, and Ochako being all “I do not like that”, to which Toga was all “:(”. There was some doll-stealing and some bookcase-yeeting, and then Toga left in tears because Ochako was all adamant that murder has consequences. Anyway so I have absolutely no idea what Toga is thinking now, but I guess we’ll have some time to stew on it, because we ended the chapter by cutting back to the Iida+Hadou+Shouto VS Afomura battle, which was interrupted by Gigantomachia and the LoV showing up like a bunch of Floridas to ruin everyone’s nice day.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi hands the mic over to Dabi and is all “take it away, kid.” Over in Room 315 of Musutafu General, Rei is all “may I please watch some TV” and the hospital staff is all “sure”, and so she tunes in just in time to catch Todoroki Touya’s Peabody Award-winning documentary “Number One Hero, Number One Fraud: The Todoroki Enji Story”, which is being broadcast nationwide courtesy of Skeptic and his magic laptop. Meanwhile in Jakku, Dabi is all “I’M TOUYA, BITCHES”, and Shouto and Enji are all, “(゜◇゜ )”, and Dabi is all, “anyway so just to sum it all up, because of how much of a jerk Endeavor was, I am now Evil.” Everyone continues to be all “(ﾟoﾟ)” except for Dabi, who is all “└(˘▾˘┌ )≡ ( ┐˘▾˘)┘≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛≡┏( ˘▾˘)┓≡┗( ˘▾˘)┛” for pretty much the rest of the chapter. Idk. Just let the man have his fun, guys. He’s waited a long time for this.

y’all I have a confession to make. I am technically not spoiled for this chapter thanks to my robustly paranoid system of spoiler-tag-filtering, which is extensive enough that it pretty much will catch whenever someone so much as breathes something even remotely new-chapter-related. that being said, I like to think that I am capable of making basic logical inferences! and so the fact that for the past 36 hours, my dashboard has pretty much nonstop consisted almost entirely of this...

...has led me to conclude that MAYBE, POSSIBLY, PROBABLY, BUT ALSO DEFINITELY, a certain someone is finally going to reveal his ~secret identity~ woop woop. lmao

anyway so everyone, please remember to act surprised though, as we would not want Dabi’s feelings to be hurt at all. he has been planning this moment for the last decade or so and I wouldn’t want him to feel like all of that effort was for naught. so just play along, okay. OH MY, IF IT ISN’T THE LEAGUE OF VILLAINS’ MYSTERIOUS DABI. WHATEVER COULD HIS ARRIVAL POSSIBLY BE HERALDING, I JUST DON’T KNOW

“Dabi’s Dance” lmao. I’m sticking with Touya Time myself. ngl I had this recap title planned out for at least the past year or so. just waiting for that day to finally come

anyway so some people in some building somewhere are all “TURN OFF THE TV IN ROOM 315” and idk. I’m guessing the LoV is hacking the airwaves to livestream the reveal, as predicted

-- oh shit. UHHHHHHHH

did she always have this TV or did she get it just recently?? jfc of all the times for the hospital staff to finally loosen up

um... so that’s... (・＿・；)

well but I mean, she was gonna find out one way or the other at some point though. like you can’t really just keep her locked up and isolated from all news of the outside world forever and ever and ever. granted, this isn’t exactly the ideal way for her to learn this particular bit of information, but it’s not really ideal for anybody else either! EXCEPT DABI, THAT IS. have yourself a day you funky little terrorist

oh shit what is this?? it’s not live???

over in Jakku, a red-faced, sputtering Dabi makes a frantic grab for Skeptic’s laptop. “WAIT, NO, JESUS, NOT THAT TAPE!”

lol. but seriously Dabi are you even wearing a shirt. like I’m not one to slutshame anyone bro, but it’s just, exactly what type of mood were you looking to set here??

anyway so we really are cutting back to Jakku now, and Gigantomachia is all, “MASTERS”! which, I wonder if he really did use the plural? that’s right Machia, both of them in one place now! that sure is convenient for you huh

lol what is this with all this AFO monologuing. you’re really gonna make me read through this when I’m sitting here all sleep-deprived from election week. JUST GET TO THE TOUYAS. WE WERE PROMISED TOUYAS!!

sigh

“tee hee it’s fucking hilarious how goddamn powerful I am now lol”

alas, in spite of myself I do have two serious takeaways from this. one is that AFO is still controlling most of Tomura’s body behind the scenes, which both does and doesn’t bode well for Tomura (like, at least he’s not dying, but the long-term implications of this for his free will and such certainly are not Good). and two is that this confirms that Ujiko did give Tomura at least one powerful mutant quirk, which explains why he was still so deadly and indestructible even when Aizawa was using Erasure on him (since Erasure doesn’t work on mutant quirks, just emitter and transformation ones)

MEANWHILE ON TODAY’S EPISODE OF “TODOROKI SHOUTO’S TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD LIFE”

I like how he doesn’t actually say that he can’t take on Gigantomachia. just that he can’t take on him and Afomura at the same time. that’s confidence, baby. that right there is why you always draft Todoroki Shouto in the first round for your fantasy team

HADOU!!!!

OOOH, TOMURA’S ALL “MAN, THIS GIRL’S WAVE POWERS AND THIS KID’S ICE POWERS ARE A SUPER-STRONG COMBO DAGNABBIT.” YESSS I LIKE THAT, TELL ME MORE ABOUT HOW COOL AND POWERFUL THEY ARE

HOT DAMN LOOK AT THAT

um but not to take away from this exceptionally cool moment or anything, but why is Endeavor dying and shouting “RUN” down there in the corner um

oh

excuse me. not to take away from How Bad This All Is, but!!

just a little, smol, IidaBaku for everyone. Iida, who apparently doesn’t know a damn thing about first aid and is all, “hmm that’s a pretty bad-looking puncture wound he has in his left shoulder there, I think I’ll just let his arm dangle freely like that and I won’t bother taking off his heavy gauntlets either. I mean. he’ll be fine, probably.” smh. at least Shouto probably cauterized the wounds

EXCUSE ME WHAT

TIME FOR MORE OF THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED SHOUNEN RIDICULOUSNESS I GUESS LMAO. KACCHAN YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO. THERE IS A HOLE IN YOUR TORSO, AND YOU LOST LIKE FOUR GALLONS OF BLOOD, BUT SURE. “PUT ME DOWN” HE SAYS. FIRST OF ALL, PUTTING ASIDE THE FACT THAT YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD NOT BE CONSCIOUS, THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN GOING TO DO, LIE DOWN AT THEM?? LISTEN, YOU SWEET IDIOT. TAKE HEED, BELOVED DUMBASS!!

ah well. I guess he gets to watch the Touya Show now too then lol

LMAOOOO now Machia’s lifting Tomura carefully in his palm like a broken action figure and Spinner is all “THE FUCK, YOU LOOK LIKE DEATH WARMED OVER”

“oh hey there Spinner. well let’s see, I woke up from my three-month coma and destroyed a city, had my body incinerated, and am currently being possessed by a diabolically evil potato. but please, tell me more about everything you've been through”

AW YISS AND THE FOCUS NOW SHIFTS TO THE TODOROKIS. EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING EXACTLY AS WE HAVE FORESEEN

Endeavor my dude. it’s as if you want to die here. also holy shit, that bit about his lungs definitely does not bode well for him either

MOTHERFUCKER

GO AHEAD AND SIGN YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE, WHY DON’T YOU!! FLAGS UPON FLAGS. JESUS CHRIST

meanwhile Dabi’s just waving at ‘em

lmaoooo please oh please Caleb please keep this ‘EYYYYYYY’, it’s fucking perfect kdlshk;hg

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: so as you will see very shortly, I completely missed this detail in my first read-through because I was so anxious to get to the reveal page, but THIS MOTHERFUCKER LITERALLY DOUSED HIMSELF WITH INSTANT HAIR DYE REMOVER THAT HE’S JUST BEEN CARRYING AROUND IN A LITTLE HIP POUCH APPRENTLY SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. MOTHERFUCKER. I HAVE NO WORDS.)

IS THIS THE TIME. IS THIS THE MOMENT?! HERE IT COMES SLKFHS BRACE YERSELVES LADS

EYYYYYYYYYYYY

OKAY EVERYONE JUST LIKE WE PRACTICED!! SURPRISED FACES ON THREE! ONE... TWO... (•̪ o •̪) !! okay how was that

LMAO ENDEAVOR

at least Shouto looks properly stunned. Enji just looks like endeavor.exe just straight up stopped working

meanwhile Deku’s out here trying to do the math on this latest surprise family reveal! first Tomura is related to Nana, and now this. what’s next. who are you related to, Spinner. he rips off his boots to reveal engine legs and declares himself Iida’s long-lost uncle

oh shit Touya

it’s as if a million fanworks suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly jossed. who knew that all this time he was secretly sporting a crop top scar

also, THIRTY?! holy shit son you been busy

la la la two-page spread of Touya casually driving the dagger into Endeavor’s hero career and rocking the foundations of hero society as we know it la la la

la la la!!!

OH IS THAT THE END OF THE STORY THEN

almost got confused for a sec. there’s two monologues happening at once here. Endeavor doesn’t even know that his dirty laundry is being aired out nation-wide as we speak ffffff

btw while I appreciate the close-ups of Enji and Shouto here for sure, ngl I would also really love to see everyone else’s reactions right now. SHOW ME BAKUGOU AND THE LOV YOU COWARDS

is his hair actually turning white all of a sudden?? your hair dye just reacts on command??

(ETA: in all seriousness though, the hell kind of hair dye was he using? all he has to do is pour a bottle of that stuff and not even lather it in and it’s just gone just like that?? what the fuck would have have done if it ever rained lmao.

and this motherfucker just goes and leaves the dye remover in afterwards, too. I have never dyed my hair in my life and even I can tell you that’s probably not a good idea, Dabi.)

is this it. is this the legendary Dabi Dance in action. lmfao

oh hey what the fuck

so you figured you’d just murder your innocent younger brother to get revenge on dad, huh. well that’s nice

is that really all there is to the origin story though?? feels like we’re still missing a huge chunk of it. what was it that finally sent him over the edge? or was the trauma of being created as Endeavor’s perfect little hero tool and then being subsequently rejected by him enough on its own? because I’m still kind of confused on the part where he goes from “abused and discarded by his father” to “killed thirty people and was plotting the murder of his own brother” to tell you the truth

(ETA: lmao the initial fandom reaction to this did not disappoint. listen guys. people can be traumatized and shaped by awful circumstances that are completely out of their control, and grow up to be people they wouldn’t have grown up to be if things had been better, and all of that absolutely sucks, but. it doesn’t mean they get a get-out-of-jail-free card for all of their future actions, either! the tragedy of this situation is that terrible things happened to Touya, and he then went on to do terrible things himself. the tragedy of it is that this is exactly how the cycle of abuse keeps repeating itself on and on and on. maybe one of the people Dabi killed had a child who will now grow up traumatized themselves, and potentially go on to pay it forward themselves when they grow up. the tragedy is that the eye-for-an-eye justice that Touya is seeking out won’t actually make anything better in the end. the tragedy is that we understand why Touya is so angry, but that anger has basically warped him into the gleefully sadistic dancing figure we see in this chapter who has stopped caring about anyone else’s pain or suffering and just wants his own revenge.

anyway. basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s possible for the concepts of “Todoroki Touya was an innocent child and a victim of abuse” and “Dabi is a grown-ass motherfucking adult who killed thirty people and PROBABLY NEEDS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT” to coexist lol. like, y’all wanted your moral grey, well HERE YOU GO lmao, eat up.)

lol but LOOK AT THAT BOY DANCE HIS LITTLE HEART OUT though

Todoroki Touya confirmed not a fan of the Endeavor redemption arc huh. well we all saw this coming lols

anyways here’s a sexy Touya for y’all

you really are the most theatrical bitch I s2g lmao

also for real though, what is happening with his hair? anime team in shambles here. they’re probably just gonna double down and keep it red. too bad though cuz this is a surprisingly good look on him

SO MANY CLOSE-UPS OF THE TODOROKI FACES

friendly reminder that Dabi without a doubt REHEARSED this speech like a thousand fucking times. LET US FALL TOGETHER!! COME DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL. apparently if you fake your own death in middle school you will never mentally age past that point and will remain a permanent chuuni

OH LMAO THAT’S THE END

we really just gonna end on “DANCE WITH YOUR SON IN HELL”, huh. very well then. you know what song to play, Horikoshi. one, two... YOU ARE MY DAD. YOU’RE MY DAD!! BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

[nightswithkookmin]

TAE TELLS: JIKOOK

It's taken me days to get round to making this blog post- commenting on another Jikooker's analysis.

Now y'all don't need me to provide a tall list on all the reasons that this a bad bad idea for me. Lol.

Been there. Done that. Doesn't end too well.

Mi nar wan treble wif gudt piipel.

But I also don't want to shy away from the conversation; whether or not Tae is good at keeping Jikook's secret. Whether that is a tell. If it is, does that mean all the times he's 'exposed' Jikook were wrong analysis etc.

Let me start off by saying, I totally admire this content creator. I don't have a particular favorite Video creator- most of my go to YouTube jikook content creators are Spanish speaking content creators, Karmy and a few Iarmy- a lot of whom have disappeared off of the surface of the internet over the years.

These days I watch just about anyone that shows up on my recommendation or home feed. Used to leave comments and what not but I've refrained from that due to privacy issues and prefer to share my thoughts on my blog instead.

Haven't seen a lot of her analysis, but hands down agree with a lot of the analysis she's made in the few I've binge watched so far- thanks to y'all who recommended her to me.

I think for the most part she knows what the fuxk she is doing. She definitely knows what she is talking about in her videos and I like that. I admire that.

I don't disagree with anything I've seen so far on her channel. Especially her thoughts on Kook. Fearless Kook. Absolutely love those.

I think she could have taken time to flesh out her theory on this whole 'Tae is good at keeping Jikook's secret' bit cos it seems that's what causing the stir? I don't know.

'If Tae is good at keeping people's secrets then there is no way he could have exposed Jikook blah blah blah'

Sigh.

Tuktukkers will jump on anything to invalidate Jikook. Sigh. Sigh.

I can't put words in her mouth, but I don't think she was interpreting Jimin's words to mean that Tae is good at keeping others' secrets and so cannot 'expose' Jikook like we been saying in this part of stan land.

And if she did mean it like that then I'm afraid I'd have to humbly disagree.

My understanding of Jimin's assertion that Tae is good at keeping a straight face when it comes to others' secret is that, he meant Tae has a strong poker face and it's hard to tell when he is lying or telling the truth sometimes.

That's all Jimin was saying. In my opinion.

Which honestly, it's truth. Tae is such an actor. A talented one at that. I mean have you been watching Run episodes?! Ayayaya.

I won't play Russian roulette with him cos imma end up with bullets in my head.

Play Texas hold'em with him at your own risk.

I mean he is the king of blank expressions in BTS. Isn't that why RM describes him as 4D?

He's only what, honed that- should we call it skills, since debut! He's become a master at it. Add his impeccable acting skills to it and its kaboom.

His blank expressions to me sometimes seem like a coping mechanism, if you will. And often times, he deliberately induces it to mask his feelings- when someone says something he finds annoying or something he is uncomfortable with.

A typical example is when JK read 'Tae Kook' in the comments during their VLive and he pretended he didn't know what the fuxk JK was talking about- prompting JK to explain to him that that was their ship name yadda yadda. Insert skull head.

Now we all know HE KNOWS TAE KOOK.

I saw a lot of jokers running around teasing Tuktukkers with the whole "look, your bias don't know y'all ship exists bye'

Listen, I'd join in on the joke- nothing makes me happy than jokers pulling some tuktukker legs but just as long as we all know and agree that's not true.

They all know of their ships.

They've known since the beginning.

They know everything.

When he said get out of your imagination I don't think it was because he had no ideas what homegal was going on about on Weverse.

Tae has many tells. When he exchanges awkward looks with RM or Jimin when Jikook or JK does something outrageous that's a tell.

When he passive aggressively smirks after revealing a detail on the whereabouts of Jimin at 1am that's equally a tell.

The slight head tilt when he says Jk don't want Jimin to come that's equally a tell.

He is very observant.

He loves to observe Jikook when they are up in their shenanigans. In my opinion. So when he is quietly looking at Jikook, observing them with no expression on his face that's equally a tell.

JK is not the only one always watching JM.

I mean he was stood right behind Jimin when he and JK were taking turns staring at eachother while Joonie was busy being eloquent. Tae saw all of that but didn't react to it.

In the recent OT7 VLive when Jimin called Jk too big or something Tae was right behind them and as I pointed out in my analysis on that, he looked away almost as soon as JK turned to look at him- JK was conscious of Tae and he knew Tae was looking at them through the viewfinder.

Sometimes he feels compelled to call them out on it too like he did in the dynamite MV when he blurted out, let's not look in the cameras when JK and Jikook were about to do their weird eye fucking absolutely gay stuff that they be doing from time to time.

All these are tells. To me at least. And I think in her video she was simply pointing out yet another tell of Taes- his blank expressions around Jikook in certain moments.

Having a poker face is one thing, having a blank expression is another.

Like I said his poker face is deliberate. He turns that on in various situations ranging from mild to not so serious circumstances like keeping others from finding out he is a mafia in a game etc.

His blank expressions are often times involuntary. His resting face. Sometimes I don't even think he realises he's blanked out.

When he don't know what to do with himself he blanks out. It's similar to how JK intensely focuses on Jimin when he doesn't know what to do with himself on set or when the cameras are rolling.

When he isn't intensely focusing on Jimin he becomes fidgety or sometimes does some really weird expressions that have popularly become various memes under the heading Jungshook.

It's not just Tae. It's not just Jimin. They all have their tells and go to expressions when they don't know what to do with themselves on camera.

Tae has a strong poker face, he is a master of blank expressions, and he is notoriously one of the most passive aggressive members in BTS.

Any of these can be tells depending on the context and situation.

-As long as we are able to distinguish between these moments and expressions I suppose.

His expression when Jikook were narrating the rain fight for example would be a blank expression and not a poker face in my opinion- a poker face is a deliberate state of induced expressionless demeanor.

Yes he had a blank expression. But I don't think that that was deliberate. That's just his go to resting face when he is not active in a moment most times.

I found his comment, 'that was a long time ago' much more telling that he knew about the rain fight and that expression of embarrassment he had on later equally said that he knew and thought Jikook were being gay unprovoked.

But that is my thought process.

I gotta respect hers too. It's valid.

Him going blank dead silence when Jimin said he loved waking up to see JK's face was more of that 'awkward, can't believe JM just did that shook moments' he gets around Jikook from time to time when they do something very shocking and gay.

I'd be lying if I said I understood what she was driving at with that bit in her video but I don't totally disagree with that.

By her stating that, I don't think she implied the opposite of it. Nor did Jimin by his statement.

Tae has a good poker face don't necessarily mean he is good at keeping secrets. I think it is much more nuanced than that.

I mean he is good at keeping your secret until he misses his best friend and soulmate then it's 'JK don't want Jimin to come' 🤺🤺🤺

Sometimes I wish Jimin were a triplet so I can slipt him between Tae, JK and RM. Suga and Hobi don't mind sharing him with the others and it seems Jin only wants his mirror so... Lmho.

And yes, Tae does give Jikook away from time to time- blank face or not.

I hope this helps??

Signed,

GOLDY