#the psychic damage must be talked about

[astrxlfinale]

Saint I swear--

FNSDAUIFNSDUN.

Caelus has some.. feelings on this, that will certainly be aired out.

@kafkaisms

[aseriouscaseofmuses]

{{ Also, I looked up 90's American Slang because I remembered I had an idea to have my Trunks be Even Weirder Than He Already Is (and cause I'm a sucker for the Man Out of His Own Time/"a fish out of water" trope and OH GOD THE PSYCHIC DAMAGE-- i apologize for anyone who reads Future Trunks' dialogue and violently cringes or ages rapidly into dust

[hopeinthebox]

i was tagged by the biblically accurate angels @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for the september round up <33

i'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this combination of tracks but i'm simply not privy to it. tagging favs if you fancy it: @thvinyl @btscontentenjoyer @spicyclematis @hoseeok @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @eoieopda MWAH and always @monismochi !!!!!!!

[secrettreestuffidk]

folks are on about a/b/o having ass babies but like??? It’s obviously a cloaca

[finisnihil]

I’m tired of people acting like Zhongli is a serious and chill guy who would never cause problems on purpose as if he isn’t one of the biggest menaces out of the Seven. He used to throw mountains at Venti for annoying him. He, the god of history, starts fights among historians for shits and giggles. He tried to gaslight the Traveler into thinking he was totally not at the Chasm guys really Aether/Lumine you must be seeing things maybe you should go see Baizhu. When Qiqi wanted “Cocogoat” milk he was like “Oh yeah sure totally let’s go look for it” knowing damn well it was a wild goose chase. He made the Traveler sing to a flower and then was like “Oh would you look at that” when a Whooperflower jumped out to maul them. I love him. He’s like a cat pushing things off the counter to see how people react. I would pay to see him interact directly with Neuvillette because I know for a fact he’d get on that man’s nerves and argue about water tasting just to feel something. Furina used freedom from godhood to take a nap and Zhongli used it to give psychic damage to anyone who talks to him longer than 5 minutes. Iconic.

[wemlygust]

I wish I could collect and make a bonfire out of all the motivational posters I remember from junior high and highschool. Gen Z/"kids these days", do they still inflict those atrocities on you?

[ddarker-dreams]

during your high school years together, satoru's audacity has no limit.

should you both be out and about when it's raining... tragedy awaits. one might think checking the forecast would prevent this fate — you'd be wrong. he talks you out of bringing an umbrella, citing how inaccurate meteorologists tend to be. trying to argue with him is like arguing with a brick wall. when he's set his mind to something, it's not a matter of if it'll happen, but a matter of when.

a downpour inevitably ensues. he feigns shock, swearing that in light of his mistake, he'll shield you from the elements instead. his infinity can block the onslaught. however! there's a condition. you have to stick reaaaaaal close to him. extending his technique's range is just oh so exhausting, he'll claim.

you're presented with two options.

a. hold hands with a visibly pleased satoru, who fancies himself a genius.

b. get soaked out of spite.

going with the former involves psychic damage. he doesn't allow for a centimeter of space between you. he'll make jokes that to any passerby, you must look like a couple (he's delusional enough that he might temporarily forget you're not). there's a dopey grin on his stupidly pretty face throughout the entire walk.

he's annoying no matter what you decide. should you choose the later, he'll languish over how this problem could be solved if you just sat aside your pride. it's such a shame, he'll sigh. there is a potential workaround. pointing out that your clothes are becoming see-through will have his supposed 'technique range' expanding real fast.

... unless it's just the two of you for miles. then he'll shrug and say nature's doing him a solid.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

you think thasmin is a tragedy of the romantic kind and thats bad enough but then you start writing 14&yaz and realise it was a tragedy of the friendship kind too and it hurts so much more

making 14 and yaz face each other has led to yaz having her own 10/12-like "it's not fair!" breakdown and honestly? here for it. doctorification highs lead to doctorification lows

[splitster]

answering more POM WRAITH au/Pingo asks!!

featuring: biology questions, creatures, dingo (unfortunately), and more!! check it out ↓↓

she does need sleep! she doesn't need to sleep as often as people, but she's a little wraith and she needs to snooze every like... i dunno. three days? sure, let's go with that.

although in the first few days of her being on PNF404, i could see her getting bored one night and poking around her crewmate's rooms to see what they're doing (spoilers: they're all just sleeping). in the morning after, dingo talks about a very bizarre dream he had with a specter watching him sleep! everyone dismisses it as the ranger having some weird sleep paralysis, but pom's sweating at the table thinking about how she should be way more careful if she does that again.

this ask did inspire me though, i'll probably make more art explaining how she works sometime later hehe...

that'd be scary... although, if there's anyone incentivized to wraithify olimar, it'd probably be the plasm wraith! that golden goo is really fond of him, and they'd love to make olimar just like them

WAHH THANK YOU!!! if they ever dated and got married they'd be able to save on a dress! hehe

she might look kinda scary but she's a sweetheart!! pom would genuinely struggle to make herself hurt humans. if there's a beast threatening her crew though -- that thing is mince meat!!

WAAAHHH THANK YOU!! it's definitely a challenge to make it fit with the other wraiths but still be unique... it was fun to design though!!

IM SORRY i didn't get to your ask before i actually posted the full wraith design... there she is though!! HILAHERHLIAEERH

yes!! he's the first one to discover her secret. it'd probably happen on accident out on the field pretty early on when pom is forced to defend herself with no pikmin, but it's no difference to Oatchi -- pom is pom! he'd bark and give her helmet a lick, and when pom realizes her rescue pup isn't scared of her it's quite the relief...

i have art of oatchi and wraith pom i'll be posting later!!

WAHHH... this is cute i like this hehe!! dingo sees those striking X eyes and still falls in love!! GRRRR i must draw more pingo now...

AUGH.... OK!! more pingo on the way then boss 🫡 (i do appreciate it though lmao)

she doesn't need to eat human food, but she does need to consume living creatures for biomass! human food is definitely delicious and she very much enjoys things like chocolate or hot coco, but to sustain her form and keep up energy she has to go for creatures

i'll probably make art for this later to explain better, but it is kinda like an amoeba -- after killing something, she can cover it and dissolve it with her goo. easy peasy!

Louie: You're a wraith? I thought you were just weird like me Pom: ... Louie: ... Can you go get creatures for me

pom is trying her best to understand human social cues and etiquette but it's a struggle sometimes!

i took psychic damage from this ask thank you for penis ringo💖

YES!!!!!!!!! there are so, so many ways that could happen and each one is hilarious... i've written out a few different scenarios, i should pick one to draw out... it'd be funny if dingo learns her secret but decides to trust her and keep it safe. but he's, you know. dingo. he's not good at lying, especially to his crewmates (and especially to his actual childhood friend of a doctor who was already very suspicious of the new blood!)

of COURSE i'm very abnormal about those two.... actually if y'all have scenarios you wanna see with those two, send more asks and i'll probably end up drawing them lol

that's actually a really good question! i haven't thought too much about how her full wraith would visually change, but if she ate enough and got stronger i imagine she'd finally be as big as the other two. she'd probably gain more wraithy abilities and attacks! trying to take down a powered up full wraith pom would be a very difficult fight, even for those with the best dandori skills and a full squad of pikmin

Pom: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Shepherd: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Collin: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Dingo: I can't let anyone find out my secret... Yonny: this is gonna be fun Bernard: (doesn't care if people find out) Russ: (doesn't care if people find out) Oatchi: bark

[shitpostingkats]

Wouldn’t it be really funny if Jaden had like The Most Messed Up Traumatizing Childhood but is completely unaware that what he went through isn’t normal? And every time he says something his friends take +1000 points of psychic damage. (It’s like that one meme of the guy in the fast food drive thru talking with the employee looking like they’ve witnessed The Horrors) For example:

Chazz, fed up with whatever dumb crap Jaden has said this time, not expecting a serious response: oh my god why are you like this, were you dropped on your head as a child or something?

Jaden, goes to retort, but then pauses, actually considering something, then half mumbles to himself: hmm you know that might explain the botched lobotomy actually…

Chazz & everyone else in the room: I’m sorry the what

Or alternatively:

Alexis during lunch with the crew hanging outside the Silfer dorms, concerned at how run-down they seem to be getting: Why don’t you move up at all? If you’re that attached to the red, at least see if you can just move into the Ra or Obelisk dorms, I’m pretty sure the Slifer dorms are an actual health risk at this point, the building looks close to collapsing…

Jaden, completely unbothered, eating a sandwich: I mean up until enrollment I was living in a cardboard box in some back alleyway, the Slifer dorms are paradise compared to that. Plus the other dorms are too fancy for me idk-

Everyone: You what.

Jaden, taking another bite of his sandwich, entirely oblivious the growing looks of horror that worsen with every word out of his mouth: I mean it wasn’t so bad, it was only for what? 3 years? The rats were actually pretty friendly if you gave them food scraps! Better than the giant possums at least.

Everyone: The what.

Or!:

Jesse, hanging out with Chazz and Jaden in Jaden’s room and going through decks: You have such a good relationship with Winged Kuriboh, I can tell he cares about you a lot, you must have been friends for a long time!

Jaden, casually sifting through his cards: Oh, no actually, I got him the day of the entrance exams. Actually I didn’t even know I could see duel spirits until I got to the academy. Or at least I think I couldn’t? I have vague recollections of something from way back when, but I try not to think back too far, otherwise the screaming gets in the way

Jesse, completely unexpecting the way he says it so nonchalantly: The,,, screaming?

Jaden: Yeah if I think to like,,, any time before I was 8? All I get is a bunch of static and screaming. Weird huh?

Chazz, half paying attention, once again joking and not expecting anything seriously: Screaming huh? What, you commit a murder or something?

Jaden, once again pausing before contemplating, unaware to the horror building the longer he stays silent, before finally responding: Huh. Y’know that might explain the blood that pops up too actually-

Chazz, now fully paying attention and regretting every life decision that has led him to this point, and is barely holding onto his sanity by a thread: *deep bone-weary sigh* was this before or after the botched lobotomy

Jesse, who is completely and utterly devoted to Jaden, but is unfortunately New and has not yet been exposed to his special brand of out-of-pocketness, and is now internally screaming: excuse me the what-

I’m realizing now I wrote a lot on this BUT I want to see your interpretation too sgshdjd This is just the funniest thing to me, I love it when a character is completely unaware of the psychological damage they unintentionally inflict on others it’s so funny hahashsjsjs (all of the scenarios are from before the Dark World arc do with that information what you will)

Being Jaden's friend is an occupational hazard.

[pearwaldorf]

Sorta instigated by @blakbonnet 😘

--

“Olu, can I ask you a question?” Stede has that very solemn, earnest look about him, the one Oluwande has learned will lead to either the deepening of a connection or oversharing and irreparable psychic damage. He never knows which. 

“Sure.” He takes a sip from his water bottle.

“What’s a ‘zaddy’?” 

Olu didn’t think spit takes were actually a thing until he saw water all over the table. He grabs a towel and cleans up the mess, if only so he doesn’t have to answer Stede immediately. 

“Um, well. Do you know what a daddy is?” He prays he doesn’t have to explain this to Stede too.

“I’m assuming this is not about having sired children?” Well, it’s a start.

“That’s a DILF, it’s not the same thing!” Archie calls from where she’s sweeping the floor. 

“Not what we’re talking about, but thanks!” Olu calls back. He returns his attention to Stede. “Anyways. ‘Daddy’ is… a vibe. Usually in reference to older men but not always. A zaddy is… Okay. Do you know who Christopher Meloni is?” He’s grateful for Lucius’s prattle about pop culture nonsense, because he did remember this. 

Stede shakes his head and takes out his phone, doing the older adult hunt and peck on his keyboard. His eyebrows raise when whatever he’s looking at loads.

“So I’m guessing it’s complimentary?” He’s got that little smile on his face, the one that reminds Olu Stede’s still adjusting to people finding him attractive. It's cute.

“Wait, somebody called you ‘zaddy’?” Archie’s materialized across the room. “Let me see!” 

Stede sighs dramatically, terribly put-upon. “If you must.” He brings up an app on his phone, tilts it so Olu and Archie can see.

Archie gives a low whistle. The guy messaging Stede is hot. Long silver hair, big brown eyes, leather pants, a not quite slutty purple crop top that exposes a bit of tummy. (Look. Olu is happily taken, but he has eyes, okay?)

“Stede, if that’s the guy messaging you, I think you should let him call you whatever he likes.”

[mushroommanstan]

university!au please!! infamous!shiggy with average s/o 🤼‍♀️ pls i

Oh anon, how did you know I’ve been wanting to write a college au Shig for a while? You must be psychic or something, very impressive!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creepy Tenko Part One:

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Anyways, I know you want the smut and shit but there’s a few things about Tenko that make him so infamous.

First off, his backstory. Basically, he was kidnapped by AFO as usual, but he was rescued by heroes this time a few months after. Unfortunately, a lot of damage had already been done.

The heroes were embarrassed as hell that they took so long to save him, and as a publicity act, paid to put him through elementary school, middle school, high school and hell even college. The big package.

Because of that, his entry was guaranteed since he was like 6. Obviously, this is gonna turn some heads.

Now this guy was infamous around campus for many reasons. For starters, growing up murdering his family and spending a summer with your local serial killer is gonna be the headline of his life. Everyone knows about that, and he doesn’t even deny it.

Also, because of that experience he has major ptsd and schizophrenia, causing a few tiny violent outbursts throughout his childhood. But it’s fine, he’s medicated now… most of the time.

He’s also very aloof, not talking to anyone if he can help it. He’s used to bullying, and at this point has pretty much given up making any friends. He’s so used to people being scared of him, just like his old master said, that he kind of embraces it, not even trying to hide when he stares at people for hours on end.

Oh yeah, and the stares. This guys got a dark ass aura. His blazing red eyes burn a hole in the back of the women he stares at. He’s a smart guy, he doesn’t need to pay attention to the whole lesson to get the gist. So lucky him, he can spend the rest of the class period staring at some chick while discreetly touching himself under the desk. Make eye contact with him if you dare.

The thing that completely tanked his reputation however, was when one guy got pissed at him for making goo-goo eyes at his girlfriend all day. He stopped him on his way to his dorm, punching him which made him stumble.

Something flew out of his hoodie pocket, and the man picked it up, students gathering around as he faced poor Tenko.

Tenko looked mortified, tears gathering in his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at his attacker. He was looking at his stolen object. The assailant hadn’t gotten a good look at what he was holding, and by the look on the freaks face it meant something to him.

The other students who gathered around screamed, some running to hurl in the nearby trash cans. When he finally looked at what he was holding it took him a good second to figure out what it was.

It was cold and grey. Fleshy with a golden back and… fingernails. Wait… was that… oh my god.

He yelled throwing the detached hand into the air, Tenko diving to catch it. He could feel himself losing control, his old senseis voice overtaking his brain and making his whole body shiver. He-he needed to calm down.

Tenko rose, pressing the cool hand into his face as he took deep breaths. He stopped trembling, and for a second, even with the screaming and yelling and trampling, everything was calm.

Obviously he got in trouble for having a murder scene victim’s body part in his possession, but Tenko knew from experience that no matter whatever bullshit they tried to scare him with, they couldn’t expel him.

He was like a mascot for the heroes’s new scholarship program. No way they would let him get expelled just because he kept a memento of his lost family. So, like always they payed them off. But the students remembered, and the guy who held the disembodied hand needed therapy.

So, not only was he a creep who got off to pictures of feet in the bathroom during homeroom, he also was a creep who kept a souvenir of his first murder victim with him at all times. Weird weird weird.

And then you came along.

He didn’t think much of you, that was, until you decided to sit down in one of multiple empty seats bordering his desk. No one ever sits this close.

Well… he had to admit… you were pretty. With your silky (h/c) hair, and your brilliant eyes, and your juicy, plump…. Eh-hum, personality.

He couldn’t stop himself from staring, not like he tried. You’ll learn soon enough that he’s a creep, and then he’ll be alone again. Yep. All on his own. Terrific.

His eyes bore into you, not just in one place but all over. Scanning over your body and memorizing every detail. From this close he could truly see how smooth and soft your skin was. And he could smell your perfume. What was that, lilac?

“Oh, do you like the perfume? I just got it! It’s lilac!”

Shit. You must have a mind reading quirk. He could feel his face growing bright red at the idea of you seeing the foul things he imagined in the last minute or so.

Truthfully you only knew because you could hear him sniffing the air like a puppy exploring a grassy field for the first time.

As the class went on you looked at him occasionally, not flinching whatsoever at the intense eye contact he returned. You had to admit… he was pretty cute. With eyes like those he should be the center of attention yet here he is sulking in the back of the class. Well, whatever, not your business.

The professor droned on about who knows what, making the both of you slump over your desks with boredom. You were praying for an oasis in the midst of this dry, dull desert of a classroom, when you heard a familiar sound.

Beep-boop, boop bleep!

You could recognize that sound anywhere! That was… that was…

You had to stop yourself from slamming your hands on the table in shock. The cute guy sitting next to you was playing the limited edition “Super Hero Adventure Deluxe” for the gameboy advance. (Not an actual game I think)

Aka, the only game in the Super Hero Adventure franchise you had yet to play. The one you had scoured EBay for forever. Holy shit, marry me!

You couldn’t help yourself, despite not knowing this guy in the slightest you pressed yourself into his shoulder, scaring the shit out of him and causing almost everyone to stop and look at you. You looked down at the pixelated screen, currently being death gripped by gloved hands as your cheek smushed against his fluffy black hair.

Tenko could feel his body shutting down from the inside. The sudden physical contact, the fact it was from a hot girl, and the realization she had an interest in his favorite game was all too much. Everyone watched as he pushed you away, screaming at you to stay away from him with some fairly colorful language.

Your expression darkened, and you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. Having used to people tucking in their tail, he had to say he was not at all prepared for this. He didn’t actually want to fight you, he just wanted you to back off! … don’t make him fight you, you’re the first girl to touch him in years.

You both held intense eye contact for what felt like forever, but in reality was for only a second.

“You do not talk to me like that. Understand?”

Oh boy. Oh-ho-ho BOY you were awakening something in him he didn’t know he had. His face turned tomato red and his ire-filled glare turned into a soft gaze filled with child-like wonder. Not being able to speak he shakily nodded, hand raising up to feel along the one gripping his shirt. His fluffy hair bounced a little as he nodded.

You let go, returning to your seat with a huff and turned your head, and you were met with the utterly shocked faces of your classmates. They looked at you like you had just slain a dragon.

Meanwhile Tenko said nothing, face still completely red as his foggy mind spent the rest of class processing these new feelings that came up. The way you touched him, the way you scolded him! It was so… mean. So entitled. So dominant.

He wants more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Believe me, I will be doing a part two! Thanks again for the ask, it finally gave me the kick in the pants I needed to write this!

[12pt-times-new-roman]

I do want to point out:

Ludinus knowing Laerryn's name is not, in and of itself, proof that he was alive during the Age of Arcanum.

Laerryn was on his list of "people to reach out to." But this document was in his home in Molaesmyr, a city he arrived in 500 years post-Divergence. Why would he keep that document, knowing that Laerryn fell with Avalir and that her body was irrecoverable? Why would it be pinned on his wall like it's important, over 500 years after Laerryn's death when speak with dead is off the table?

We know that Avalir itself is known about in present-day Exandria by esoteric scholars and specialists. Imahara Joe has a book that talked about it, so it's not like it's completely forgotten, and honestly, the entirety of the Ring of Brass were so involved with Avalir's internal politics and inner workings that there's no way their names weren't written down a hundred times over in various records, reports, and news clippings. It's not out of the realm of possibility that Ludinus was able to get ahold of this information, especially with Laerryn being so prominently involved with Avalir's most intricate arcane mechanics and experiments.

So I think that this list was of people Ludinus wanted to contact using the contact other plane spell. It reads as follows:

You mentally contact a demigod, the spirit of a long-dead sage, or some other mysterious entity from another plane. Contacting this extraplanar intelligence can strain or even break your mind. When you cast this spell, make a DC 15 Intelligence saving throw. On a failure, you take 6d6 psychic damage and are insane until you finish a long rest. While insane, you can’t take actions, can’t understand what other creatures say, can’t read, and speak only in gibberish. A greater restoration spell cast on you ends this effect. On a successful save, you can ask the entity up to five questions. You must ask your questions before the spell ends. The DM answers each question with one word, such as "yes," "no," "maybe," "never," "irrelevant," or "unclear" (if the entity doesn’t know the answer to the question). If a one-word answer would be misleading, the DM might instead offer a short phrase as an answer.

Personally, I think that Laerryn would most definitely count as "the spirit of a long-dead sage," as would most other pre-Calamity archmages (which I can only assume Vishtaron and Vatora were). The spell is on the wizard and warlock spell lists, so it's entirely within the realm of possibility for Ludinus -- plus, it even plays into his particular flavor of anti-theist magic, since it's essentially a non-divine version of commune.

[ravnicacardsconverted]

Macabre Mockery

3rd-level Necromancy Casting Time: 1 Minute (Ritual) Range: Touch Components: V,S,M (A Humanoid Corpse) Duration: 1 minute. Classes: Bard, Warlock

Description: Placing a hand onto the corpse and imbuing it with a sense of morbid humor the corpse springs to unlife. For the next minute at the beginning of your turn the corpse will mock a humanoid chosen at random it can see. That creature must succeed a Charisma saving throw or take 3d4 psychic damage. If the corpse knows the target personally that creature has disadvantage on the saving throw, additionally the corpse will attempt to mock them with embarrassing information they know about the target. At higher Levels: You may cast this spell useing a spellslot of 4th level or above. For each spellslot above 3rd level used to cast this spell increase it's damage by 2d4 psychic damage.

Join the Ravnica Cards Converted Discord and come hang out here https://discord.gg/PydYEEY     (SERVER LINK)

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To contact me directly for commision info or to just talk my Discord name is RavnicaCardsConverted#3451

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KO-FI << >> PATREON

IF YOU WISH TO SUPPORT ME AND MY CONTENT YOU CAN FIND ME ON PATREON AND KO-FI BY DONATING YOU GAIN BENEFITS AND ARE ABLE TO VOTE ON PLANESHIFTED CARDS, GETTING A FREE MONTHLY COMMISSION FOR 5$+ PATRONS AND GETTING A FREE COPY OF WHATEVER COMPENDIUMS ARE COMING UP; AS WELL AS EARNING A SPOT ON MY DISCORD SERVER

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[asteroidtroglodyte]

woe, psychic damage be upon ye.

trog. what pokemon do you want to eat most.

parameters: none of the obvious food pokemon choices (vanillish, alcremie, egg themed mons, mons that are literally a veggie/fruit with a face), bonus points for preparation details

i think tangela could be sucked up like one long spaghet. inhale a drifloon like a blue raspberry cotten candy nitrous oxide tank.

Seafood Buffet

Ok so for starters the deep-sea fish are gonna be loaded with good Fats. Flavorful and nutritious!

You can probably just filet and bake these. Minimal seasoning as needed. Serve with rice.

Gotta have some sport fish too. These guys’ll fight ya more, but they’ll actually come near a boat.

They’ll be tougher, and have a stronger flavor, so a good batter fry in oil, or perhaps fish tacos

Bulbapedia says Kingler gets to 130 lbs, so even accounting for shell we’re talking about tremendous amounts of meat in a single catch.

I wanna catch Clawitzer somehow when it’s claw is fully charged, without alerting it or stressing it, since based on my experience with lobster, I’m sure it’s loaded with sugars in anticipation of use and would be delectable if butchered properly

GIGA UNAGI

Psychic damage under the cut

I have a confession.

The first thing that popped into my head was Mr Mime.

Does it taste like Human? I MUST KNOW

…

[cough]

Does Vaporeon taste like Fish or Mammal?

(👅 depends on where you stick your tongue 👅 )

GoN cRaCk YoU oPeN LiKe A WaLnUt & RoAsT yEr InNaRdS!

[lordofstingrays]

Be aware, these are late-night musings of the paleontologist variety...

Consider: Jurassic Park rewrite where better decisions are made and things don't go horribly wrong. Instead, we follow the comedic antics amongst the staff and guests.

Kids going "Look a pterodactyl" at every flying reptile, including ones that are clearly NOT Pterodactylus, like Nyctosaurus and Tapejara

*guests looking at dinosaurs* "Wow, this must be an archeologist's dream!" *every nearby staff member takes psychic damage*

"Ma'am, for the last time, do NOT let your kids touch the Ordovician animals!"

Geologist: I'm sorry, sir, but these are just limestone rocks, not dinosaur bones. Sometimes limestone can weather into strange shapes but-- *sigh* okay, I'll get my manager...

Kid: It says 'Adult Velociraptor' but why are the raptors so small and why do they have feathers and why do they sound like birds and where's Blue

And much, much more internal screaming on the part of the staff

In fact, it would most likely be a customer service comedy. From experience at a natural history museum, I've seen a lot... Please, please remember that there's not dinosaur fossils in rocks older or younger than the Mesozoic, and that ducklings do not become petrified. Why do I say that, you ask? Um...

I... I don't want to talk about it...