#the problem is patriarchy

[funky-brainedwhaletransgender]

It’s just a little bit soul crushing when I come across trans men talking about how much they hate men. Apologizing for being one. Like ‘haha I guess I’m a trans man yep that means I, as a man, suck, just like all other men haha feel free to vent your frustrations about the patriarchy at me. I can’t help being a man I hate men why would I choose to be one?’

I remember being there. Hating the gender you belong to is exhausting. It’s worth deconstructing I promise, even just for your wellbeing. Here’s a start:

Manhood isn’t inherently tied to misogyny and violence. Misogyny and violence are choices. Just choices that men are disproportionately conditioned into making. Men can and do rewrite that conditioning all the time. Manhood isn’t the problem. The problems are misogyny and violence. You’re not a bad feminist because you let go of the hate you have for the manness of yourself. Your manness doesn’t make you violent or misogynistic, being violent and misogynistic make you violent and misogynistic make you violent and misogynistic. Testosterone HRT doesn’t turn you into the archetype of male violence. Testosterone isn’t the driving force of misogyny and violence. Do you understand what I’m saying? Misogyny and violence are not inherent and inescapable to anyone, regardless of identity. Being a man doesn’t make you evil.

Treating misogyny and violence as inherent to manhood excuses men for being violent and misogynistic. Accountability is real hard when you consider doing bad things a fundamental nature tied to an identity. If men are sexist, can you blame this man for being sexist? That’s just how men are. Do you see how this is boys will be boys hidden behind a couple layers of pseudo feminism?

I spent years dancing around manhood because I believed the second I labeled myself a man I was the enemy. The number of ways I found to describe my masculine identity that weren’t man. The number of times hearing ‘at least you’re not a man’ set me back. The number of times I came so close to manhood, but ran into an explicitly trans inclusive ‘I hate men’.

I think the best word for how manhood feels to me is settled. Being a man feels like home. Masculinity feels so gentle, in a big ol’ teddy bear sort of way. Growing a beard and letting your little cousin stick flowers in it. Making sure none of my students think it’s okay to make fun of the kid who cries a lot. Answering ‘boys don’t cry’ with ‘I’m a boy, and I cry every single time a dog in a movie is sad’. I want to be so kind. I want to be the man someone chooses to start working on their dog’s fear of men with. I want to be trusted to watch a drink and to walk with people to their cars at night. I want them to find a cure for cat allergies so I can get that patting-tiny-animal-with-hairy-hands gender euphoria without eye irritation. Cardigans and top surgery scars. Wrinkled hands injecting testosterone. My dream life closes on sweet if eccentric old man.

I may have tangented a bit, but just… you don’t have to hate the man part of you. It doesn’t do any good. It’s not a moral responsibility. You can let that go because ‘man’ is just a gender. It isn’t a fundamental evil that exists deep within your being. The only evil masculine urge I’ve ever felt is the desire to wear athletic shorts in the middle of November. You’re not doing anything wrong by existing as a man I swear.

[ayaahh00]

If you ever forget how deeply privileged and entitled men are, remember men believe women hating them is as bad as rape, murder, and violence against women. They see women’s hatred as a crime, while dismissing the daily oppression and violence women face by them. They feel entitled to women’s affection, attention, and admiration, no matter how vile they are. They expect to be liked, even when the overwhelming majority of crimes against women are committed by men. This is the core of patriarchy, a system that tells them they deserve everything and is based on their deeply rooted entitlement.

This is how misogyny, the oldest form of oppression, is constantly downplayed and not taken seriously. Every week, we hear stories of brutal crimes against women. Crimes against women are rarely taken seriously unless they escalate into something gruesome and bloody, when a woman loses her life because a man took it from her. And even then, the justice system may still fail to bring her justice. This is why we must dismantle patriarchy completely. Our lives, safety, and dignity will be taken seriously.

[dreamyintersexouppy]

the way people on here use "trans inclusive radical feminist" reads as such a nonsense term that borders on "these new woke trannies have gone too far" and then you realize that it's used to label transfeminist trans women as harassment targets just like accusations of incest or pedophilia are and it's clear that how it reads is pretty accurate to what it means to the people using it that way

[redditreceipts]

there should be an extension to every social media site that automatically blocks every male so you never have to read their comments, see their posts or be reminded or their existence while using the platform

[dykedvonte]

You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.

-Shrimp Anon

The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.

Get ready cause this is a yap session:

Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.

I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.

The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.

This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.

Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...

These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.

I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.

Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.

It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.

I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.

It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.

There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.

End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.

[bisexual-maelstrom12]

Something that I really like about the Barbie movie is that while there's this dialogue about how Barbieland is the real world in reverse, it's clear that the Kens don't have it as bad in Barbieland as women do in the real world. Yes, it's an unequal society which leaves Ken unsatisfied, but he doesn't face the sexual violence and danger that Barbie does in the real world. And I like it because there are so many movies or books where matriarchy is described as terrible and oppressive and just as bad as patriarchy, as if women in power would treat men the same way men have treated women for millennia. And the Barbie movie subtly interrogates that - like yes, the Kens not having power in society does block their self-realization, and it would be better for them if society was truly egalitarian, but in the meantime, they get to sit around on the beach all day and go to fun parties. Barbie under matriarchy does not wield the same oppressive power as real men in the real patriarchal world, showing that the problem with our world isn't just that men hold more political and economic power, but how they wield that power to terrorize women.

[trixxedheart]

It is amazing how the "people that love and uplift transwomen" website will instantly fucking maul a transwoman if she even remotely insinuate that using radfem rhetoric harms trans people

[tiredyke]

maybe i’m a bitch but i can’t stand conversations that center men in issues that affect women as well, and to a more severe degree

[shrimpchipsss]

peerless melons 🍈

[lgbtlunaverse]

While I think it's good people have become more aware of how the patriarchy as a system hurts everyone living under it, even the more privileged classes, I do feel like I live in a bizarro world everytime people talk about cis men's mental health issues as if they all genuinely believe women were raised with perfect sympathy for their emotions and never demonized for their feelings or taught to repress them.

"Girls are taught it's okay to cry while boys are not!!" You have got to be kidding me. I am very young and even I was already old enough to be on the internet while people were still earnestly debating whether women were fit to be in official leadership positions or if they were "too emotional" and would lay ruin to the world because they were on their period or whatever. Like that was a real thing in the 2010s still. It's probably gonna make a comeback this decade if the tradwife revival keeps going long enough. Do we all have collective amnesia?

It's "okay" for girls to cry because it's benefitial for us to be seen as weak and lesser than men. It is useful for us to cry so it can be used against us. That is not exactly a good environment for girls to develop a healthy relationship to their emotions, is it? Everytime someone suggests men are uniquely tortured I feel like i'm going insane. Do we not remember hysteria? There was an actual fucking medical diagnosis for women who were expressing their emotions too much. Do we not remember the demonization of postpartum depression? Do we not remember the entirety of the anti-sjw movement specifically stereotyping feminists as foaming at the mouth and crying at nothing to make them seem illogical? Are all of you secretly from a parralel universe where misogyny never existed? I don't get it.

[ayaahh00]

When men are in leadership, they always protect patriarchy and undo any progress we make. Look at the U.S, male justices were behind overturning Roe v Wade, taking away women's right to bodily autonomy . In Poland, men in power passed one of the toughest abortion laws in Europe, and women had to protest just to be heard. And then there's the Taliban in Afghanistan, an all-male regime that completely cut off women from basic rights like education and freedom. When men are in charge, women’s rights are always at risk because men want to uphold patriarchy. Men have made horrible decisions for far too long always targeting women, their non existent leadership skills are pure dictatorship and fascist, and we need to stop letting them lead if we ever want real change.

[sarafangirlart]

I’ve talked before about the different ways Perseus and Pentheus react to Dionysus, but I think another interesting dichotomy is how they react to the maenads, Pentheus wanted to imprison and enslave them. When Perseus defeated them he executed them, as if they were male enemy combatants, the differences could end there but Perseus also genuinely showed respect to them, burying them and even making tombs for the higher ranked ones. Compare that to warriors in the Trojan war being hellbent on desecrating their enemies corpses.

[radicallyourlocalfeminist]

Replacing male centered language for you

Guys-Girls

Mankind- To be used for negative inventions

Womankind- To be used for positive inventions

Sex worker- prostituted woman, sex trafficking victim

Underage woman- child

Bitch- snake

Cunt- Rude

Slut- shameless

Whore- horrible

Bitchy- narsassistic

History- Herstory

TERF- Radical Feminist

Trans Woman- Trans identified male

non binary-gender non conforming Womyn/man

Virgin- She hasn't had sex before

Honour killing-Religiously charged femicide

Tantrum- Mantrum

Non consensual sex- Rape

SA - Sexual Assault (contrary to popular belief,you can write these words on tiktok instead of 🍇,SA, ect)

Revenge - Seeking out Justice

Incel - Rape apologist

Woman - Womyn

Beauty tok - Capitalist tok

Feminine - Graceful/Nurturing/Beautiful/Kind/Soft

Masculine - Rough/Aggressive/Red blooded

Gay Misogynist - Dick Me

Teen porn- Child rape videos

Hero- Shero

Motherfucker - Fatherfucker

Menstruation - Womenstruation

Son of a bitch - Son of a Scrub

I'm going to be updating this, suggestions are welcome.

[redditreceipts]

something positive for a change y'all

If she can do it, so can you!!!

[ponochino]

any other afabs struggling with whether they're potentially trans/enby and are experiencing gender dysphoria/discomfort or if it is just discomfort with the way our perception of women have been twisted by misogyny, patriarchy, and heteronormativity?

like do I feel a disconnect from other women because I'm not one or is it because some of the women I'm around have bought into a misogynistic narrative that boxes them in?

do I have an issue with being a "girlfriend" in my relationships because it's a weird heteronormative word (like girl as a friend = romance) or is it because I'm not a girl?

am I being an obnoxious and harmful person when I feel like "I am not like other girls" or am I really not a girl?

is the thrum I get from being referred to with they/them pronouns from gender euphoria or is it simply relief at not being seen as a woman first and a person last?

like if society and language were different, would how I identify change? does it matter?

[sailingfireshipz]

Alright! Yall said, "Let it rip so you know the drill! Grab yourself a little snacky snack & let's unpack this shit.

I find it funny how people are trying to misconstrue the problem that we have with the way Pascal is acting & treating Stella. No one has said Stella was right in the manner in which she approached him in episode 1. Hell Kelly called her out on it & Stella herself admitted it. My issue lies in the fact that regardless of episode 1, it appears that Pascal has given his other LTs a level of grace & understanding that he is not giving Stella. So I genuinely want to know why. And if episode 1 is his why, then it goes back to what I said preseason about Stella's mistakes (minor compared to those of others, her husband included) following her. Stella being held to different standards & expectations than her male peers.

If episode 1 is not his reason then I'm left to assume & those assumptions lead me to facts that are rooted in systemic misogyny, racism & sexism.

1. Stella is the only female WOC LT at Firehouse 51.

2. Stella is a younger LT compared to what the CFD is accustomed to seeing per the chief comments in 9x03

2a. Also let's keep in mind the conversation she had with Carver in 11x01. When Stella came home she told Kelly that when she told Carver she got support from DC Hill & his response was "that makes sense" as if she was incapable of earning the shit on her own accord or merrit but implying Stella got a leg up because she was a WOC. Are we forgetting how Stella even met DC Hill? DC Hill came to 51 looking for the FIREFIGHTER that got control of the rig & prevented an accident with civilians. That firefighter was Stella Freaking Kidd.

3. Maybe Pascal thinks less of Stella because she's married/dated a coworker. He could have the same perception that "she slept her way to top"that was expressed in 9x03.

Some observations that I'd like to consider as we unpack his behavior.

1. Pascal brought up turnover on truck yet didn't have the wherewithal to look at the files of the firefighters who transferred out? We've seen that every time someone transfers out, there's a transfer slip that has to be completed. He would have seen Mason & Gallo didn't get transferred to another house within the CFD. He would have saw that they literally are in different STATES still firefighting. I honestly don't know what Gibsons would have said but it would have shown that only one of her FFs that was under her command is no longer on the job.

2. Why was Pascal so QUICK to believe Damon's (White male) word & opinion of Stella over Stella's request to put him back in the floater pool? Stella has been at 51 as a firefighter & LT LONGER than Damon has been a fucking firefighter! So you mean to tell me you're about to strip a LT who has received the firefighter award for valor based off the word of a firefighter who came to 51 as a floater & per Kelly in 13x04 relatively fresh out the academy!? Yall see how insane that sounds right?

3. The only reason Pascal changed his tune on Stella in 13x03 was after Mouch brought him her files/records. So my next question is, why did it take another white male to help sway him? I'm not saying he had to take Stella's word outright but it's the fact that he absolutely SHUT her down & redirected the blame back on her & her "lack of leadership" without investigating the facts. He claims to be all about rules & protocols yet failed to effectively do his research on the situation prior to going to Mouch & asking if he'd be ready to take the LT exam if he needed him...? Huuuuuuh?? I love Mouch, but someone point me to the major save or rescue he did this season so far to "prove himself" to Pascal.... oh wait, he hasn't had one, but you know who has... more on that later.

4. So after Mouch literally saves the night because he himself felt it necessary to go to this man's house off shift at night to bring him her records. Pascal does the right thing & tells Stella to make sure the next replacement on 81 sticks. So what does Stella do!? Does she drag her feet? Does she ignore his orders? Nope she gets right on it. She knew who she wanted but was STILL vetting other candidates because she wanted to make the best informed decision. Yet Pascal was at her neck again saying she was overthinking it. It had been 2-3 shifts MAX. It seems like Stella is showcasing leadership skills that Pascal should be because good leaders don't make important decisions lightly or without all the facts. They research they do their homework they vet out the low hanging fruit to ensure the best decision is made for the betterment of the house.

5. Hermann overheard Pascal & out of HIS mouth, he said Pascal had Stella so stressed out that if she didn't find a replacement for truck, he'd have her bugles. So again, that's not us making the shit up it's quite literally implied in the dialogue that clearly people are picking up the energy & animosity Pascal has towards her. So again, I'm asking where the professionalism is, or is Stella the only one required to be professional?

6. So now I want to talk about Kelly & Pascals interaction in 13x05. It honestly felt like Pascal said that shit to Kelly to see if Kelly would react. We watched Pascal go to LT Vales house & physically assault him for a conversation Vale had with Monica... so clearly he's very protective of his wife so why would he think Kelly would be the person to call Stella an asshole to? That shit was so uncalled for & CHILDISH because if Kelly had punched him in the fucking stomach then what?

At the end of the day before Kelly is Stella's husband he is her peer when they are on shift so again why are you talking shit about one of your direct reports to another direct report?

It sort of felt like a powerplay because Pascal has already brought up to Kelly about him & Stella working together & that he'd be keeping an eye on them. Then he goes & makes that comment knowing that Kelly probably won't respond to it out of fear that he'll throw them being married in his face again if he defends her.

So what we're not about to do is try to normalize or justify Pascals behavior based on the argument that "Stella shouldn't have mouthed off or challenged him." Because honestly, we've seen Kelly & Casey go head to head with Boden & other chiefs, commissioners, etc. when they felt passionately about something (right, wrong, indifferent, they've done it). Not saying what Stella did was right or absolving her from accountability but we're not about to act like she yelled at him & told him to go fuck off! She should've handled herself differently but she shouldn't have to continue to bear the brunt of his twisted ass power plays or whatever the hell he's power tripping on.

He doesn't have to like her & as far as I'm concerned she doesn't have to like him but hell bare minimum he needs to start acting like Battalion Chief with 20+ years on the job versus a petty ass manchild who's mad the girl on the playground embarrassed him in front of his friends.

And I don't want to hear about "Stella hasn't been challenged or Boden let her get away with blah blah or Boden didnt make her "prove" herself & that maybe if she "proves" herself he'll give her a break.

Hard stop, NO! Kelly hasn't had to prove himself. Hermann hasn't had to prove himself. So WHY TF would Stella have to "prove" herself to this man? Like i mentioned before, the playing field needs to be fair across the board for all of them. If anything, Stella has proven herself because she's the one who pulled Damon out of that collapsed sign. She's the one who saw Ritter laying there & still gave clear, concise direction to her truck company (instead of getting all emotional like they think women are going to act in times of crisis 🙄) She took the case in 13x05 & ran with it. Kelly was with her in one scene investigating those crashes. After that, Stella was the one making house calls & following up. Yet at the end of the episode, they had Kelly debriefing the chief on the outcome of the case & not Stella... WHY? At minimum, Stella should have been there & they could have used it as a moment to have them move forward. Instead, they used it as a way to have him add fuel to the fire with that backhanded compliment laced in disrespect by saying she's a pain in the ass & i don't know why!?

Do i think Pascal is a racist, misogynistic, sexist POS sent to uphold the CREEKY views of the CFD? Idk 🤷‍♀️ but what i do know is if it walks, if it talks if it looks then it just might fit. Because there's a clear distinction in how he has handled Stella over the last 4 episodes versus everyone else. & if he's none of those things & he's still just hurt over being challenged by her in episode 1, then I say this with care, but it's time to build a bridge & get over it because I'm tired.

So, in conclusion..... Dom Pascal

When you're referring to anyone at 51 but especially Stella Kidd. 😌