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ordinaryschmuck · 2 months ago

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Why I Love The Owl House: Part 5-The Themes

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Salutations, random people on the internet who are already skimming past this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

And we’re just two parts away from me never talking about The Owl House again! In previous parts, we’ve talked about the characters, their relationships, and the narrative threads that are closely tied to them. For this part, we’re now discussing the show’s themes and messages. And I’ll level with you all: I’m admittedly...faulty at this part of media analysis. Anything regarding the discussion of a theme or message that a story tries to tell is something I struggle to do right. I regrettably either come across a theme through luck or piggybacking off of what others have said and throwing my two cents in. When it comes to putting it in my own words, I just…have issues in describing what the theme is. Hell, this whole part was the hardest to write because I often drew a blank of what to discuss or how to dig into it further. A part of me, deep down, KNOWS what a story is trying to say but I, a lot of the time, struggle finding the right words to best convey it.

Yeah, isn’t that rich? An English Major with a limited vocabulary and an ineptitude towards analysis. My life sucks sometimes…

With that said, there are some things that I’ve noticed about The Owl House and what it’s trying to tell to kids and maybe a few adults. A lot of its messages are definitely simple to older audiences, but with the things it has to say to kids it makes The Owl House something important to watch if they’re to shape the future. And no, I’m not talking about those lessons told at the end of each episode, but overall themes that occur through the course of the series. As far as I can tell, The Owl House has about…thirteen things to say about life, love, the trials of growing up, and how to deal with people. Plus, much like the narratives, it’s all tied closely to the characters and their personal journeys. Does the show say everything it needs to say well? Or is this another case of “If the show had more time it’d be better” and all that yada-yada? Well, let’s find out together as we count off the things that The Owl House has to say. Starting with a point the series makes exponentially clear:

(Also, prepare thyself. This one is twenty-five pages)

Honesty is the best policy

I don’t know if you noticed, but these characters tend to lie. A LOT. And we’ve already gone into great detail with how often Luz lies in previous parts. Whether it's to her mom, her girlfriend, or friend group, Luz tends to keep some dark truths from the people she cares about. It’s partially selfish, but it comes from not wanting them to worry about her when they’re the ones currently going through it. It’s part of Luz’s bigger flaw of caring more for others than she does for herself (Which we’ll get to later), but the point remains constant that if she told the truth sooner, she��d have saved a lot of pain and heartache for herself and others. Same goes for other characters who lie for similar reasons but with greater consequences.

Going from least hurtful to most, let’s start with Eda, the one who lies in two different ways. The most obvious lies come with her pain, primarily the curse. She initially chose to keep her mouth shut about it, hoping that it’ll never turn into a big deal or a problem. If you’ve been paying attention to her character’s journey, you can tell how wrong that assumption was. When keeping it a secret from the rest of her family, the Owl Beast came out at the worst possible time, making Dell disabled and Gwen desperate to get the beast out of her precious daughter. By underplaying how bad it is to Raine, it makes Raine think their relationship isn’t serious enough so they break it off. She didn’t even tell Luz and King until they met the Owl Beast themselves and tried to survive it. Eda had King in her home for eight years and this was the first time he’s ever known ANYTHING about the Owl Beast. And even then, she still hides that it’s getting worse by the day, giving King and Luz an IDEA of what Eda’s going through but withholding the part that could upset them. Just telling them about the curse is arguably Eda at her most honest about what’s wrong with her, and she still doesn’t want to reveal everything. It’s part of this underlying problem where Eda’s unwilling to reveal the pain inside herself because, well, she’s the big bad Owl Lady. The most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles. And with a title like that, she doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s fragile. She tried being fragile once in the beginning of “Keeping Up A-Fear-Ances,” detailing what the curse does to her, and it made her mother go a little overboard in wanting to help her precious daughter. Needless to say, she’s not willing to go through that again, especially since Luz and Raine proves her point by putting themselves in danger when knowing how much Eda hurts. When Luz learns about how bad the curse got, she practically threw herself into the arms of the Emperor to find this specific thing that could help. And with Raine, while Eda opened up more about the curse and how it affected her magic, she still remains tight lipped about another thing: Her kids. She never brought them up, hiding her turmoil about them leaving her for good and was lucky enough that Raine found out soon enough so that SHE won’t abandon Luz and King when they still need her. It’s fortunate that Raine found out by accident, but UNFORTUNATE that it led to them getting captured to save Eda so she could talk things out with her kids. In Eda’s eyes, vulnerability means that you need to be helped or protected, with the ones you love paying the price more. She hates that feeling and despises it even more when people she loves get in danger because of it. Eda eventually finds her way out of this mindset thanks to the love King and Luz share with her and how Hooty and Dell prove that facing pain head on is the only way to heal from it. It was a slow process, but one that eventually led to her opening up more, even allowing herself to cry when she would usually hide her pain with a smile or push it down for the sake of a brave face. She becomes honest with her own pain, with her curse, and how much she truly cares about her loved ones. However, that’s more of a general lie with Eda. There’s one specific lie that she told that went on for way too long.

Lying to King about being a King of Demons seemed harmless at first. Eda was just messing around with what she thought was a pet. Only for that pet to prove he’s more intelligent than she thought and, as a result, more delusional. King took being the King of Demons as part of his whole identity, with every action he made trying to live out that fantasy. By the time Eda revealed the truth, it’s like telling a child that there’s no such thing as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, AND the Tooth Fairy all at once. Only the effects would be ten times worse because it would destroy all of King’s sense of self AND give him questions that Eda wouldn’t have any answers to. Eda knew this inevitability would come any day now, so she put it off as long as she could, initially hoping that King would outgrow this fantasy himself so she won’t have to rip off this particular bandaid. Only to be backed into a corner because King and the others almost got killed in trying to prove that King’s really, well, a king. This time, telling a lie actually put someone in danger, so Eda tried the truth for a change and, well…it crushed him. More accurately, it shattered King’s core identity and sense of what's real and what isn't. Eda saw this, immediately felt guilty for holding it in for too long, but never comes to regret this decision. It’s something she KNEW needed to be done from the start and accepts the “consequences” of what comes from this lie. I put “consequences” in quotes because aside from a lot of tears being shed, this was the first step to King growing up and he would come to appreciate the honesty (even though he had a long, emotionally draining road ahead). Eda telling the truth WAS for the better, even if she should have told it long ago. But, all things considered, the lie wasn’t THAT bad of one. It was done to keep King happy and let him have some childhood innocence for a while…As for the lie AMITY told?

All Amity had to tell Willow was that her parents are forcing them apart because Willow’s family isn’t rich enough. That’s all. It wouldn’t have been great, but it would at least be the truth and Willow could have understood…Maybe. Well, there’s a slight possibility that Willow would have tried talking things out with Amity’s parents or continue to be friends despite them, not caring what they’ll do to her. Amity, not wanting to take that chance, decided it’d be best to make herself look like the bad guy. So, she lied that she doesn’t want to be friends with Willow because her magic is weak, thus distancing herself from her first real friend. Was it an extreme decision that crushed Willow’s heart and left her unsure if she’s capable of doing anything right? Yes. But to be fair…Amity said that lie when she was probably seven years old. I’d like to see what morally correct decision you made at seven.

But the first lie isn’t the worst part about Amity’s decision. In actuality, it’s how she decided to keep the lie going for years until Luz showed up and intervened. In Amity’s “defense,” which is really a frail excuse, she didn’t have any choice but to keep up the act. She already said it, it did its job, and now she has to commit to her lie or risk putting Willow in the warpath of her parents. Amity says it herself that she’s not brave enough to fight them for Willow, so she instead puts on a mask that makes her appear to be a mean girl and further separates herself from her now ex-friend. This led to Amity disrespecting Willow and belittling her because it’s better to have Willow hate Amity instead of let Odalia follow through on her threats. It wasn’t until Luz showed up and started improving Amity’s life that she realized that being nice FEELS nice. Is that an oversimplification? You better believe it is, but I talked about these three characters and this aspect of Amity and Willow’s relationship three parts in a row so LET ME SIMPLIFY! Anywho, it is good that Amity told the truth and it’s even better that she apologized, but it doesn’t change how the initial lie made things worse. In an attempt to protect Willow from Amity’s parents, she left Willow to face bullies and judgmental peers without anyone to comfort her or be in her corner. At least, not until she met Gus and then later Luz. It was almost a well-intentioned lie like Eda’s with King, but while Eda put off the truth to protect King’s innocence, Amity destroyed WILLOW’S with a single lie. By the time the truth came out, it finally STARTED the healing process. It didn’t fully heal Willow, but it STARTED to, with her admitting that making things right with Amity is what jump started her having more confidence. Confidence that she’d have since the beginning if Amity wasn’t the one to crush it by saying Willow being weak is the reason they can’t be friends anymore. Amity had her reasons, and I went over them thoroughly enough in previous parts (Go read THOSE), but it doesn’t change that Amity caused a lot of damage to Willow by lying about why they can’t be friends. On the bright side, while she did keep it going for too long, she at least made things right in about a couple years down the line. It’s not like she kept this one lie going for a dozen years until adulthood and letting things get so worse that it was almost too late to fix things. That would be AWFUL…Anyways, let’s talk about Lilith.

Lilith proves that a lie of omission still counts as a lie. For YEARS she kept in the secret of cursing Eda and for YEARS let Eda’s life get worse because of it. I’ll get to how thoroughly screwed up things got with Eda in a minute, but to keep things brief: Things would not have been as bad if Lilith fessed up sooner. There might have been a lot of yelling, a bruised nose, and Eda proclaiming she has no sister sooner, but time tends to heal all wounds. And they would have had more time to heal if Lilith spit the truth out at fourteen. She would have more time to fix things and prove that she can help Eda, just like how Amity started fixing things with Willow once revealing who was the REAL weak one in the relationship. Now, these are two VASTLY different scenarios and Eda would most certainly have been out for blood immediately, but I’m certain that if the rage settled they could have worked things out and Lilith might have helped Eda with the curse sooner. And, heck, if you go back FURTHER, there’s a chance that honesty could have stopped the curse altogether. If Lilith was honest about her own inadequacy and confessed to Eda about how she’s POSITIVE that her sister would win, Eda would have just shrugged and given the Emperor’s Coven position to Lilith no problem. Granted, joining that coven would have been its own can of worms, but it would have certainly saved Eda a lot of emotional and physical pain. Unfortunately, problems with showing weakness apparently run in the family and Lilith didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t stronger than her sister. She needed to PROVE it…by cheating and completely derailing Eda’s life in the most outrageous fashion. And Lilith would learn years later that the truth really does set one free. But again, I’ll get to that in a minute…

We all have our reasons for being dishonest. They’re selfish reasons in hindsight, but we still have them. Sometimes it’s to stop others from worrying about us, other times it's to hide something we’re ashamed of, and most of the time we just want to stall a bad reaction that we KNOW is inevitable. What we need to learn is that the truth ALWAYS comes out eventually, whether it's through us or through others. We can try to deny the truth, bury it, and hope that it never gets out, but it always does. And what The Owl House tells us is that it’s a GOOD THING for the truth to be out there, especially for loved ones. There might be secrets we HAVE to keep to ourselves, but if you can’t be honest with the people you love, then they can’t effectively help you nor can you help them. It’s always important to be as honest as you can be, because the more you put off the truth the worse the consequences will be. Because you never know how bad one action can snowball into something worse. Which brings me to another theme in the series…

Your actions can have unintended consequences

There are two characters this applies to: Luz and Lilith. You can…probably see where this is headed.

Luz and Lilith tend to make mistakes in the series, Luz more so than Lilith. Granted, Luz’s mistakes mostly stem from her character flaw of not thinking things through, mixed with some impatience and being afraid of confrontation. In other words: She’s a teenager. Dumb teens are going to do some dumb things, and while Luz is smarter than people will give her credit for, she’s still the kid who angered a Slitherbeast by stealing Amity’s wand when Eda’s lessons seemed like they were going nowhere. And that’s just a MINOR thing in Luz’s adventures. We already went over the domino effect last time and how Luz texting ONE LIE to Camila ended up putting her in a more stressful position than how telling the truth outright would have. There are also the many times Luz almost got herself killed, sometimes due to overconfidence or being too emotionally driven to take down someone threatening the people she loves. Most notable examples of that second one definitely comes from being hyper focused on fighting Lilith and Belos in “Young Blood, Old Souls,” which led to the destruction of the portal door and Luz struggling to get back home. Or how Luz thought she could take Belos head on again in "King's Tide," nearly getting petrified in the process if not for smooth talk and tricking him with an invisible branding glove. As for her near death experiences caused by overconfidence, well, let’s see: You have her going on that fake quest for Adeghast, pretending to be an abomination, fighting Grom, challenging Boscha to a grudgby match (That might as well count), and trying to steal the healing hat. And that’s just the stuff that happens in Season One, with some of it carrying over to MORE consequences aside from just almost dying. The wacky adventures in Hexside made Odalia think she has a case to get Luz, Willow, and Gus expelled. And when getting caught by stealing the hat and Lilith consequently using her as bait, it leads to Eda’s curse getting irrevocably worse and Luz being forced to destroy the portal during her attempt to save Eda from Belos. A part of growing up is learning that if you don’t think far enough ahead, you could cause disastrous consequences. Thankfully, for each mistake Luz makes, she is often quick to correct it when the problem arises at any time. Plus, after so many near-death experiences, it eventually molded Luz into becoming the kind of person who doesn't wants lasting consequences over something stupid she did, trying to be more careful in her approach to something. Because Lilith proves just how disastrous it can be to yourself and others if you don't think about the consequences.

The thing is, Lilith PARTIALLY knew the repercussions that came from cursing Eda. Simply put, Eda would have lost the duel and not join the Emperor’s coven. It was a selfish plan made by selfish desires, but Lilith believed she had things all figured out and that things SURELY wouldn’t snowball from there. Turns out, she didn’t think ahead enough (Yeah, big shock). Because everything that went wrong with Eda’s life is all Lilith’s fault. The Owl Beast attacking their dad? Eda running away from their mom? The distance Eda has with her whole family? Eda breaking up with Raine? It all circles back to the curse that Lilith put on her. Now, Eda owns partial blame as some of these were caused by HER actions that no one forced her to make. Yet the curse didn’t help much, especially as it got worse the older Eda got with her magic fading away with the curse’s effects. Lilith excuses this by saying she didn’t expect the curse to last more than a day, as if that actually means anything. Look, I get that she was young and very stupid, with her hyperfixation on joining the Emperor’s Coven blinding Lilith from what was right and wrong. But she still kept that secret for YEARS, not wanting to reveal it until she got a cure for Eda, only to make things worse not just because the curse got stronger and the distance with Eda and Lilith became greater. It’s because., by the time Lilith DOES spit out the truth, Eda’s already at her lowest point with the curse and is furious at Lilith for kidnapping Luz. Just like how Camila would have been LESS upset if Luz told the truth sooner, Eda would be significantly less blood thirsty if Lilith came out and admitted her guilt from the start. I said it with the honest theme: Time heals all wounds, and Luz and Camila prove that forgiveness CAN come if someone proves they’re sorry enough and had more time to reflect on their actions. Lilith was just afraid of that inevitable confrontation that she kept her mouth shut for YEARS to avoid it. She was too scared of facing her own consequences, and it’s why it’s a smart decision to let Lilith decide to SHARE the curse. It finally allows Lilith to understand what she put Eda through and express her apologies far better. It finally hammers into her mind what she did was wrong and how she can take the steps to improve things…We barely see any of this, but at least she’s NOW experiencing consequences for herself instead of letting someone else’s life get worse.

The Owl House does a great job of showing that anything we do, no matter how big or small, can always cause big problems for ourselves and others. There’s no changing that, and what matters most is how we react. If we wait too long, things can only get worse and it’s for the best to fix things as quickly as possible instead of pushing aside the inevitable. And be careful of what you do because you never know when one stupid idea could lead to something even worse for your future. However, while The Owl House does show how our actions have negative consequences, it is smart enough to say that the opposite is true. You see…

Your existence changes lives in unexpected ways

Whenever we do something bad, the domino effect it causes could lead to disastrous outcomes that we could never prepare for, but that doesn’t mean our existence is nothing but accidentally causing harm to ourselves and others. Existence is actually about changing the lives of people around us, a lot of the time for the better. And there’s no character that perfectly proves this more than Luz Noceda, who is the very reason that most people in the Isles is living their best lives.

“She also caused Belos to—”

SHE IS THE VERY REASON THAT THEY’RE LIVING THEIR BEST LIVES! Nearly every person she's come into contact with is better than they were before meeting Luz because she has this tendency to make life better through mere existence. Sometimes it’s unintentional, with Vee being the first person Luz helped. When Vee saw Luz in the Demon Realm, she saw that there was a chance to escape Belos and took it with no regrets…That is, until Luz showed up again, but it all worked out for the best. Vee got a home she felt safe in, friends to spend her life with, and a family that treats her as one of their own because Luz unintentionally gave her an out. And when Luz officially met Vee, she did everything to secure her future sister a safe space to live in. As for other characters Luz more DIRECTLY changed for the better, Eda and King are the first in that regard. They were looking for someone to steal something for them, only for Luz to bring them together as a family. She became the daughter that Eda never had but likely wished she did as Luz is just as chaotic as Eda was but with more of a good heart. Luz gave Eda someone to care for, someone to FIGHT for, as she proves that having someone in your life is a lot better than living alone as a criminal with her son being misconstrued as a pet. With Luz around, Eda allowed herself to love again, letting other people back in because she needs to when taking care of this fun, energetic girl that practically crashed into her life. And with King, Luz gave him someone that is almost ALWAYS on his side, being protective and caring towards this cute little guy who never had a friend before. Luz was the first person he’s consistently interacted with that’s anywhere CLOSE to King’s age, and she was there to offer warmth and snuggles, endless support in finding the truth about his people, and inspiration on how to handle someone like The Collector. With Luz’s help, King went from a greedy demon hungry for power that will never be his, to a sweet boy who learned that all he ever needed was the found family around him. Luz met two misfits who often fought but cared for each other, and brought them to become even closer as a family. A family that would be nothing without her, with the same going for Luz’s friends.

Luz formed her very own squad of pals, all of them coming together because she was there to make them close. Willow and Gus were already buddies when they met Luz, but she was still there to make things better between Willow and Amity and, through inadvertently meddling in Hunter’s life, made him and Gus the best of bros. The most unlikely of friendships, one rekindled while the other forged through adventure, all happened because Luz showed up and improved all their lives. I already THOROUGHLY went over how she was able to change Amity’s life for the better, so…go read that. As for Willow, Luz acted as a cheerleader that often pushed her first best friend to do something that was stupid and reckless but ultimately for the best. Whether it’s pretending to be an abomination or playing grudgby against a team’s captain, Luz nudging Willow towards adventures allowed her to find her true magical strength, face her bullies, and become a confident witch that Amity would relearn to respect and for Hunter to love. With Gus, while neither are as close to each other as they are with Willow, Luz still helped him get something he always wanted: More friends. Before Luz or Willow, Gus was looking for someone to like and respect him instead of using him as a way to get something they want. Then here comes Luz to not just be another friend but unintentionally give Gus the chance to make more of his own. She gave him glyphs to help impress Glandis kids, only to grow closer to Matt when someone like Bria started showing her true colors. And, again, meddling in Hunter’s life led to him and Gus going on an adventure that brought them together as bros. Now, how did meddling lead to that? Well, aside from giving Hunter his first social interaction with someone close to his age, accidentally giving him an emotional support bird, and being the first crack in the wall around his heart, Luz also took Hunter into the Emperor’s mind and completely shattered his worldview. By the time Gus found Hunter, the poor boy was shattered and desperate for comfort, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Gus was just the one there to pick up the pieces with Hunter paying him back when it was Gus’ turn to need help. Luz created this friend group where the kids all care and help one another and gives them the opportunities to grow and better themselves for the company they want to keep. These four wouldn’t be as close as they are without Luz. Willow, Gus, and Amity might not even have the CHANCE to meet Hunter or know who he is if not for Luz intervening and helping him out of Belos’ hold.

“But she still help free The Collector–”

Oh, you mean the child who was falsely imprisoned and needed to learn how to play nicely and safely with others? The same child who wouldn’t have been better if not for Luz teaching him the value of a mortal life? THAT Collector? Because you’re right. It is good that Luz helped free them, even if accidentally.

“But she still helped Belos–”

OKAY! Okay. I get it. You have this weird obsession with Luz accidentally helping Belos and believing that everything wrong with the Isles is because of her, regardless if it was an accident or not. Good for you and go f**k yourself. But let’s not forget that Luz is the reason why Belos’ regime toppled. Heck, she was doing that before she knew Belos was a problem. In Hexside, they limit students to stick to learning one magic track before graduating and picking one coven. It’s a blatant display of preparing them for the inevitable, only for Luz to come in and allow Principal Bump to realize maybe it’s worth letting kids sign up for multiple magic tracks before making a final decision. The results make the adults remember how much they miss their covenless days and a character like Jerbo being inspired to change the system when he grows up. Luz already started the gears turning to tear down the systems Belos built ALL IN her first day at Hexside no less. By the time she does meet Belos and see how clearly evil he is, Luz still goes about trying to ruin every part of his plan. Luz slows down his plans to flee the Isles after committing genocide by blowing up the portal door, she saves the palismen Belos would have used to extend his worthless life, and goes so far to help Lilith and Hunter, his most loyal soldiers, turn their backs on him. Luz was cleaning up the “mess” she made for helping Belos long before she knew she was “responsible,” which she wasn’t. Belos knew this, and it’s exactly why he revealed that Luz helped him with his plans, even though he could have tricked anybody. He used this ploy to trip Luz up, only for it to make her more determined to stop him…until the guilt became too much to bare at one point, but that’s where her friends, the support group that SHE cultivated because of HER actions, came in to encourage Luz and tell her nothing is her fault. And when Luz came back…she died. But the Titan, the GOD of this universe, took note of Luz’s actions and all that she did to give King a good life as a shining light of kindness and would then give Luz the powers she needed to come back, rip Belos out of the Titan’s heart, and let him melt away in the boiling rain. You can claim all you want that Belos’ rule is all because of Luz, but Luz still ruined all of his plans and stopped him for good, doing it intentionally and unintentionally. Meaning that everything she “caused” was being fixed by her own existence.

…Okay, might have went on a bit of a rant there, But I can’t help it! You see, I made a post THREE YEARS ago, listing the ways Luz improved lives and how that wouldn’t have happened if she never came to the Isles. And one person, on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS, replied to that post and mentioned how those problems wouldn’t have existed if Luz never came at all. And it just feels like it devalues Luz’s accomplishments, the good that she did, and takes away some of the blame from Belos. Luz didn’t force him to use coven sigils or steal palisman or even commit genocide. That was all him and if it wasn’t Luz it would’ve been someone else he tricked to get what he wanted. We don’t blame Hitler’s dictatorship on the guy who stopped him from stepping into traffic before having the chance to DO all those bad things, and we definitely don’t blame the fourteen year old who couldn’t tell that the spineless, shaggy human would become the most dangerous person on the Isles. Because if you want to go so far back as to blame Luz, then you can blame Eda too. After all, she’s the one who told Luz about the time pools, she’s the one who allowed Luz to stay, and she’s even the one who’s responsible for Luz coming to the Isles in the first place! Yet you don’t see people blaming HER for all the world’s problems, do you? No, you f**king DON'T…Though, now that I think about it, if we could transition to this finger pointing and unnecessary blaming, there are some positive things Eda’s existence brought out into the world.

Real quick: I’m not saying that everything good that happened to the Isles and Luz’s friends is because of Eda. Only a lunatic would go that far. What Eda DOES get credit for is how she gave her kids a better life. Luz was from a world where most kids never got her or her weird interests and actions. She was a social outcast looking to be understood and Eda gave her that chance of understanding. She brought Luz into a magical world, protecting her from its darker edges, giving her a chance to explore, and letting her find her people. Eda found a kid who was alone in her own world and brought her to one that would eventually greet her with open arms. Things weren’t perfect at first, as Luz almost died three times within her first week, but with Eda’s guidance and care, she gave Luz a place she could call a second home and two people she could call an extension to her family. Speaking of family, Eda is the reason why King has one. She saw a little creature that lived in the cave of a dangerous monster, took him home with her, and that creature grew up to be her pseudo son. She treated him as a pet at first, thinking nothing of it, but as she grew to realize his intelligence and childlike behavior, she started treating him more like a son. Plus it’s a good thing that she got King out of that spire. He would have grown up alone as the last of his species with no one but the mute Jean-Luc as company. By taking him with her, Eda gave King a warm home, good food, and, eventually, Luz. All that is before King legally made himself a Clawthorne, making his family larger and causing Eda to cry tears of joy because she grew to love the little. She grew to love BOTH her kids as she wouldn’t be the same without them just like how they wouldn’t be the same without her. Eda didn’t think much when taking these two in, she was only being charitable. Still, regardless of intention, Eda managed to improve the lives of two innocent kids that needed more love in their life.

Life is a chaotic thing, giving us consequences to our negative actions but also rewards ourselves and others through the mere act of existing. Sometimes we’re rewarded and other times the people we love are. In either case, we can never truly know how much a simple action can affect someone’s life, whether or not we intend to do so. If Luz is any indication, as well as Eda to a lesser extent, then the show is trying to tell us that your life might seem small and your choices smaller, but you’d be surprised by how big of an impact you can leave on the world just by being yourself. It’s a beautiful sentiment that the show stands by, being one of several ways it tries to tell people that they matter. Especially with this next theme.

There’s nothing wrong with who you are

In case you’re wondering, no, this isn’t about how the show normalizes sexualities, genders, different races, and overall equality. Though, real quick, that IS a valid and important aspect of the series that not enough people took into account, meaning that we SHOULD spread that message more so that it can stick. However, for this theme, it’s more than just about representation and letting many different kinds of people feel seen as individuals. It’s more about the image issues that a few different characters have.

Starting with the most obvious, we have Willow, The Owl House’s shy girl. The poor girl starts off so unsure of herself because she’s not as good as others in one specific kind of magic even though it’s obvious to everyone in the room what Willow’s real talent is. It doesn’t help that most of her classmates judge and make fun of Willow for her “weakness,” with the time she had on the show being spent proving to herself and others that she isn’t weak. It’s why when Willow DOES mess up or feels unable to help that it causes her to break down and think that maybe she is just “Half-A-Witch Willow” like all of her bullies say. Thankfully, she has her support system to be there for her, Luz and Gus constantly acting as cheerleaders to raise Willow’s spirits and Hunter sharing how much he admires her strength and kindness. Interestingly enough, he also has the same confidence issues as Willow, having no natural magic and always pushing himself twice as hard to be seen as an equal among his peers, who are some of the best witches in the Isles. They’re also GROWN witches who had more time to mature their magical capabilities, but nonetheless, it made Hunter constantly feel like he wasn’t good enough either. It’s what makes him and Willow having each other in their corner kind of beautiful. Most of the people they see everyday look down on them, with Willow and Hunter not doing themselves any favors. But together, they can remind each other that they ARE worth more than anyone bargained for. Though, they don’t JUST have each other. Again, Willow has her cheerleaders and Hunter eventually has Flapjack pulling him in the right direction. To be honest, I’ve said all that I’ve needed to say with these two, how they grew, and how they affected each other. Or rather how Willow affected Hunter, as it’s still mostly one-sided. If you want to find out why, just go back and read parts one and two, it clears things up better. For now, I’ll say that these two definitely had their fair share of confidence issues, with Willow’s being obvious from the start while Hunter’s became more apparent the more his heart opened up. When you’re surrounded by people you think are “better” than you, it’s easy to feel like you matter less despite your own talents. But in some cases, a lot like Hunter, people are better at hiding it.

Take a look at Eda. With the amount of confidence that she has and the ego she flaunts, you wouldn’t guess she has image issues. But then you look at the curse and it all becomes clear. Eda’s regrets, nightmares, and worries proves that she does care about how others see her and react to her bad side. It’s not as prevalent or as evident as Willow or Hunter’s issues but it’s still there, with things getting worse when the curse took away Eda’s magic. She’s no longer the most powerful witch on the Isles, losing all the fear and respect she’s garnished and is now forced to relearn to be powerful in different ways. She bounces back but not without a lot of frustration, more towards herself if anything else. Eda hates the fact that she’s “weak” now and was desperate to get herself back to the top as quickly as possible. It’s not until she learned that her curse can become a strength instead of a weakness did Eda really begin to feel better about herself. I mean, I’d probably feel better about myself too if I could suddenly transform into a hot harpy. She certainly isn’t complaining, and good for her. She proves that you can always get over your issues, no matter how long it takes. For Eda, it might’ve taken her late thirties or…early forties? Regardless of how old Eda is, it definitely took a long time to get better and, even then, she still has The Collector's manufactured nightmare about people seeing her as a monster, which clearly got to her. The unfortunate truth is that it takes time to heal and you won’t be completely cured. There are times you will have good days or bad days, with Eda representing that through her false, and sometimes honest, bravado that tends to hide how messed up her issues really are. It’s good to show kids how slow that progress can be, even if it’s handled in a way that’s not as noticeable. However, while one’s issues can take time to fix, others’ tend to get worse with more time and, of course, more trauma.

Luz definitely had her issues, even before the whole Belos thing. She hoped being a “chosen one” would help her fit in, was worried about being seen as fragile, and became concerned about tanking her reputation on the first day of going to Hexside. Luz may be a proud nerd at heart, but she’s also one who cares about how others see her, whether it’d be her classmates or the people close to her. It comes with spending years of others signaling Luz out as “the weird girl,” with the Boiling Isles giving her a fresh start. Luz can be whatever she wants, even the hero of her own story…only to feel worse about herself once growing some attachments. Every time she accidentally caused troubles for other people, it caused Luz to sometimes believe she was a burden and needed to fix any problem she indirectly caused. Just look at how Luz reacted to accidentally making Amity lose her job. After getting it back for her, Luz was ready to accept that Amity would never want to see her again, despite Amity sharing the blame for it. Because Luz, at her core, is a good person, and it hurts her deep down when she sometimes hurts the people she loves in this world that she feels more at home in. It’s why Belos telling Luz that she helped him with his genocide affects her so much. It’s not true, everyone in the show knows it’s not true, and even members of the fandom who aren’t idiots know that Belos is full of crap. His actions are still his own and what Luz did is nothing wrong compared to his horrible deeds. Yet it still gets to Luz because it takes all of her issues of feeling like a burden turned up to the highest degree because she blames herself for the Day of Unity happening and all the craziness that comes from it. It hurts her so much that she forgets one important detail: She’s just a kid. Her mistakes are common, but nothing to beat herself up over. She’s still growing and learning to be better, not having the mental or emotional maturity to know better than to trust a shaggy man that claims to be on her side. As long as Luz makes it clear that she regrets what she did wrong and learned from it, which she always does, there’s no one with a rational mind that will blame her. It’s why it hurts that Luz doesn’t think she deserves it. Even though everybody constantly reminds Luz that life is better because she’s in it, it’s still something hard for her to accept. The times she accidentally caused trouble back home likely attributed this behavior, having only Camila in Luz’s corner as everyone else was busy calling her a freak or a problem child. Sometimes when you’re told your whole life that you’re a problem, it’s hard to stop seeing yourself as one. That’s Luz to a T, and it’s not until she found people that understood her and how she’s neither a problem nor a screw up did Luz slowly start to believe it, even though part of her can’t help but go back to the guilt she felt about things she didn’t mean to do.

We all have our reasons for self-doubt and sometimes self-hatred. It can stem from how others see us, how we see ourselves, or sometimes how we BELIEVE others see ourselves. And it can be an issue that could unfortunately last decades, where we get better but not completely healed of what hurts us. The only way to help ease that pain is remembering, simply put, there’s nothing wrong with who we are. Are there times when people SHOULD improve themselves? Absolutely. But if you’re anything like Willow, Hunter, Eda, and Luz, you should know that there’s not much you need to improve aside from your attitude. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll go back to how you feel, and you will find it hard to get over this problem you’re dealing with. But with the people you love cheering you on and reminding you that you ARE loved in this world, then that’s already the first step you need. And if you think you’re not someone worth the effort as there are more people suffering harder than you, just remember…

Your pain matters too

Sometimes, the nicest kinds of people tend to think that the problems of others outweigh anything that they’re going through. Especially those who lived most of their lives being told that they matter less than anyone else. And…you can already tell which two characters this theme applies to.

Luz and Willow are both victims of caring too much. You wouldn’t think that’s an issue, but it very much becomes one when helping others stop you from helping yourself. Luz is a more popular example of this as she will frequently throw herself into danger just to help the people she loves. She’ll even treat helping someone as a distraction to her problems like helping Eda reunite with Raine and getting Kikimora out of the Emperor’s Coven to forget Luz’s promise to her mom. Or using Amity’s desire to join the Bonesborough Brawl as a way not to think about her dad. Luz constantly decides helping people is more important than anything she could be going through, with Willow being in a similar yet less intense boat. “For the Future” proves this, with Willow hyper focusing on making Hunter happy and suppressing her own stress and anxieties of her fathers as she did so. It’s exactly what Luz does throughout the series, just as a one-time occurrence that Willow learns from quickly. Her caring for others more than herself fits her good-natured attitude, but after her talk with Hunter and Gus it’s likely Willow won’t return to this behavior again…Which in turn presents a problem with Luz and this theme.

That moment between Gus, Hunter, and Willow in “For the Future” is great, but it feels like LUZ needed a moment like that with the people she loves. She KIND OF gets it with Amity in “Reaching Out,” but not to the same extent Willow got with her boys. Amity just boxed Luz into a corner and forced her to spit out what’s bothering her, with the truth and how Amity reacted to it making Luz think she can be a little honest with her feelings. Only for her to go right back to distracting herself so she doesn’t confront her emotions in the very next episode, with Eda helping out by telling Luz the story of how she first met Raine. Meanwhile, Gus and Hunter told Willow that they appreciate her and everything she’s done for them, but tell her it’s okay to feel sad and to let it all out. And…Well, since there was only one episode left after that moment and all of it was dedicated to fighting the bad guys and giving our characters happy endings, all we can do is assume that Willow DID learn from her adventure in “For the Future” and grew from it. Even though Luz sort of gets that same lesson, there’s never this explicit case that she’s growing from it. If you dig deep enough in how she slowly admits what’s wrong or how she’s willing to vocalize her journal entry about what’s bothering her, then you can see that Luz learns a little. But when she’s the character that constantly puts others' needs above her own, especially for mistakes she didn’t intend, then it feels weird that she doesn’t get the same thing Willow got. If anything, it makes what Willow went through feels more like a lesson of the week than an application of this underlying theme within the series. It’s still a valid lesson to teach, but if this was something both Luz AND Willow needed to learn then Willow needed more moments in the spotlight of putting others' needs in front of her own and Luz needed more of a scene like Willow’s to better herself. It’s still fine as is, it just could have been better.

Still, it’s an overall good theme to teach kids. The Owl House is clearly telling them to be kind to others, primarily through its main character being the purest one of the bunch. But as good and important it is to spread the message of kindness, it’s equally essential to let them know it’s okay to focus on themselves sometimes too. You’re not going to properly help anyone if YOU’RE not feeling good yourself. Whether you just need to cry it out or talk it out with someone you love, it’s important to think of yourself from time to time. It’s not selfish to care about your own well-being and you won’t be a bad person for taking a day to just…decompress. You can do much worse than make yourself happy. As for those who HAVE done worse, well, there’s a theme meant for them.

People can always improve

The Owl House is one of those shows that spreads the message of turning enemies into friends instead of leaving them as, er, enemies. And if it’s enough to piss off Lily Orchard (Don’t bother with her), then you KNOW the show is doing something right. But in fairness, the show makes it clear that this decision is best reserved for those who are explicitly complex. Just look at Amity, Lilith, Hunter, and The Collector, characters we would have never expected to be reformed by their first appearances. Amity started out as generic prissy mean girl #115, Lilith was a snooty witch with a stick up her bum, Hunter was a charismatic fighter who threatened the lives of “criminals,” and The Collector was a god-like being who seemed to take joy in wiping out an entire race of people. Not great setups for characters you eventually want us to find redemption. Thankfully, The Owl House is a smartly written show and knows that you got to show layers to a person and why they’re like a certain way.

Amity and Hunter are by far the best examples of this. Every episode they’re in shows a new layer to them and the lives they live. To keep things brief (because I’ve talked enough about them already), they’re both kids who grew up with parental figures that made them believe that you have to always do what you’re told to justify your existence. Odalia and Belos both proved that there will be major punishments for when Amity and Hunter fail, motivating them to do their best for the wrong reasons. And doing their best often meant putting others down or doing something without knowing better because…what else could you do? Run away? Fight back? Stand up for yourself? Yeah, easier said than done. Hunter is proof that it’s not that simple, with Belos physically mistreating Hunter whenever he spoke up or how Belos WILL send his guards out to hunt Hunter down. Not everyone can be like Amity who has a parent that EVENTUALLY cares enough to kick the more abusive parent out. Sometimes, when you’re on your own with no real support group, it causes you to do as you're told without learning until later that it was the wrong choice. Amity and Hunter both show that, and it isn’t until meeting their friends that things start to change for the better for them. And they sure did change, with Amity and Hunter always getting a little bit better, even if their living conditions made it a bit difficult to do so. Plus, they’re kids. Kids are allowed to grow and change, especially if they’re always learning from their mistakes before doing something TRULY unforgivable. Unlike…other characters that I’m not a fan of in a different show I tried so hard to love. And when it comes to fictional storytelling, especially ones aimed for kids, I usually try not to avoid the “They’re just kids” argument because…yeah, obviously they’re just kids. That doesn’t change how well the writers handle their redemption, because if I’m left questioning if this character is MEANT to be redeemed, something screwy is going on here. With The Owl House, the writers consistently remind you that these characters are young and naive, with that knowledge playing into Amity and Hunter’s redemptions as it makes it an easier pill to swallow. And it doesn’t work JUST for these two.

The Collector being a kid is the central point to their redemption. He literally doesn't know better and–I’ve also gone over this a lot too, I know. But the point keeps being valid every time you look at The Collector’s actions. Even with the way they put Luz, Eda, and King into playing his weird games, The Collector still sits down and mopes because they all kept winning. It’s very much the same as a sad, lonely child who doesn’t like losing or people having more fun than them. All The Collector wanted was to play and have fun, but was punished for it because his siblings abused The Collector’s naïveté and made it look THEY were responsible for the other Titans…going extinct. And being falsely imprisoned for thousands of years tends to leave one a little agitated, as well as overly excited to be free and let loose. He didn’t do better because they never KNEW better, with Luz understanding that after just ONE real conversation with the kid. She was as freaked out as anyone else when first meeting The Collector, but, just like with Hunter and Amity, the more Luz got to know him the better she understood why The Collector acts the way they do. Everyone has reasons for their actions, some of them more justified than others. And even for the unjustifiable, it’s not too late to turn things around.

Lilith’s redemption still has some issues. Again, I VERY MUCH went over that enough. Yet it again comes with the best intentions of proving that you’re never too old to change. Lilith cursing Eda was wrong. VERY wrong. But she at least admitted to it and put the work into making up with her sister, already off to a great start by sharing the curse with Eda. Sure, Lilith still felt aggravation towards Eda and would occasionally act a LITTLE stuck upish, but the more Lilith stuck around the more it’s revealed how desperate she is for approval. Even a quick bit of Lilith making a little ice sculpture of Luz as a teacher giving Lilith a gold star speaks VOLUMES of her need for authority figures to give Lilith approval. Even if said authority figure is a fourteen year old who just knows more about glyph magic than Lilith. It also helped that Lilith had Hooty there, bringing out her best and bringing some levity in her life. It makes her from thinking that she’s at the lowest point of her life to realizing that life just got started for her and that she CAN make improvements, have better connections with the people, and can be a kinder person instead of a cold, stick in the mud. And with each episode we see her in Season Two, Lilith DID get better as a character and as a person, finding her true self and proving that you don’t NEED to be dragged through the coals forever to better yourself…Even if a sick part of me kind of wishes she was. I just feel like everyone forgave Lilith a little too fast, and while improving herself is fine, forgiveness is a completely different thing. But I also went over THAT enough, so I’ll just stick with the fact that while Lilith’s redemption is the most flawed here, it still does the job to prove that people are never just one thing forever.

People can change, and a lot of the time it’s for the better. They might have done things they’re not proud of or learn to regret, but everyone has a reason for it. Whether it’s how they’re raised to act, how their goals blind their morals, and quite literally didn’t know better. For these people, it’s always best to give them a second and maybe even third chance, especially if they have a clear desire to change. Some certain cynical sycophants will sometimes say that a character shouldn’t be redeemed because they don’t deserve it, but that’s not really how redemption works. It’s not about DESERVING redemption but proving you’re capable of it. When a show paints how a character is always bad and needs to change yet consistently goes back and forth on them being better or worse without much apparent growth, then that’s where it becomes a problem within the story. But if the show reveals layers to a character, proving that they’re flawed but good deep down and allowing that character to better themselves throughout the story, then it’s writing the message correctly. There are cases where there’s a good person deep down a LOT of hot garbage, with a lot of morally dark actions burying them deeper, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t forget that bright light of a human being that still wants to do good and trying desperately to claw their way out of their own pile. It’s…a complicated metaphor, but people are just the same as that: Complicated. We can grow and be better, it just takes time and love to do so. Although, to teach a message like that to kids, it is important to make one thing clear…

Some people don’t deserve redemption/forgiveness

This is the most ESSENTIAL distinction to make when writing a show about bringing the best out of others and getting them to change and redeem themselves. Yes, there are people capable of being good but there are still people out there who are too far gone to change or refuse to see how they’re a problem on all accounts. You can reason all you want with them or try your hardest to bring them out into the light, but no matter what you do, they’ll still refuse to accept that they’re the problem.

Kikimora is a perfect starting example of this. “Follies At the Coven Day Parade” was our first and…honestly, It’s our ONLY insight into there being more to Kikimora than a psycho who’s very okay with child murder. Luz catches Kiki getting stressed over not being able to see her family due to her duties being more important. The Owl House has done more with less when it comes to trying to hook viewers into sympathizing with characters worthy of redemption. I mean, just look at what they eventually try with Boscha. Besides, you don’t need a BIG reason to help someone into the light. As long as it seems like there’s a GLIMMER of a hope, then that can be enough to make it justified to help them. It’s only dependent on how quickly that glimmer gets stomped out that you realize mistakes were made in helping someone. To Kikimora’s credit, it seemed at first she was grateful for Luz and the others to help her be free of the Emperor’s Coven, even if a little annoyed by their flawed plan and ridiculous antics. It’s not until Terra (We’ll get to you in a sec) mentioned a promotion did Kikimora’s true colors show. When it seems like she’s at her lowest, Kikimora is willing to find an out so she doesn’t get disposed of like your average Golden Guard (Which she might have always known about?). But when it seems like she has a chance to be on top? Well, then Kiki will say her family could rot for all she cares if it means she’ll be seen as the best of the best. It’s that desire to inflate her already big ego, mixed with the insane drive to do so, that proves how Kikimora isn’t one to change because she has no desire to. Her only desire is to look out for herself and do what’s best for her, but to a selfish degree that often leads to others getting hurt. To Kikimora, the only problems that she needs to take care of are those who try to prevent her goals of reaching to the top. And she’s not the only one.

It still amazes me how Amity desperately tried to convince Odalia not to assist a genocide. I said it before, and I’ll say it one more time: This was Amity’s last attempt at proving that her mother isn’t evil. And we all know how well that turned out. The reason that it amazes me that Amity even TRIED because…there hasn’t been an ounce of kindness that Odalia showed to anyone. With Alador, there’s at least SOMETHING, whereas the nicest thing Odalia did was compliment on Alador’s work. Still, even then, it isn’t much given that she didn’t really know how much Alador would appreciate the compliment. So if Odalia never acted good, why bother reaching out? Well, as I’ve said several times before, it’s hard for a child to accept that their parent has ZERO good inside them. Amity wanted to see for herself, once and for all, if there’s really NOTHING good in Odalia and the answer…was exactly what she needed to hear. Even if it’s baffling that Amity tried to reach out, it’s still good that she did. It’s always important to at least TRY instead of giving up on someone outright. Amity more than anyone knows that not everyone is completely bad, so it’s great that she and kids watching understand that sometimes what you see really is what you get. A better example of this is Terra.

No one really tried with Terra. Specifically, no one in the CAST tried with her. The most people did was try to reign Terra in and tell her NOT to kill children and that didn’t really change anything. The fact that Terra RELUCTANTLY agreed just proves how deranged she is and how no sane person would want to change her. The writers knew this as even they didn’t try giving Terra that many layers outside of a crazy person who liked torturing the youths. And given that this is a series that loves showing how most of its characters are layered with a few of them deserving redemption, it’s perfectly fine to show one that’s one-dimensional and bloodthirsty. It helps sell the fact that not EVERYONE is redeemable, like having Season One Boscha act as a one-dimensional bully to make Amity’s redemption more digestible. You got to show a bigger bully to prove how the other isn’t so bad, and that’s what makes Terra so important. She’s the bigger bully, and her actions prove that while SOME people are capable of change, others like Terra are more than fine with who they are. And I’ll give Terra this, at least she’s sociopathic enough to understand she’s the bad guy and LOVES that about herself. Unlike others who genuinely believe what they’re doing is for the greater good.

Belos is the best example of how some people will just NEVER change. It’s never too late for one to redeem themselves in some way, but Belos has been living among witches and demons for CENTURIES. He had hundreds of years to see that there’s nothing wrong with who they are and take note that they’re kind people just living life and not really hurting anybody. Instead, he focused on the bad parts. The witches who made him dance for his book. Lilith, who punched him in the nose. And, of course, the witch who stole his brother away. These all circle around in his brain for as long as he lived, ignoring the TRUTH behind these responses. The Fang brothers and Lilith only treated Belos that way because he killed the Fangs’ brother and put Luz and Lilith in danger for his own reward. As for Evelyn, she didn’t STEAL Caleb away, he willingly followed her to a new world. Yet Belos refused to see anyone else’s point of view and that witches were ALWAYS the problem. Never him, and not anyone else. So he dedicated his entire life to fulfilling his plan, mutilating himself and becoming less human by the day, all so he could wipe out witches and demons from existence. He justified it because of his idea of the greater good, believing he was some tragic hero pushing himself to do what’s best for humanity. In reality, he was just a sad old man who never took the time to ask “What if I’m wrong?” And if he DID ask that, well, he likely suppressed that thought deep, deep, DEEP down inside himself so he wouldn’t have to think it again. Belos was a monster that would never change because he didn’t think he needed to despite having all the time, all the chances, to see that he could be wrong only to deny and refuse any other possible answer. Not even Luz, who forgave most of her enemies, wasn’t even willing to give Belos a chance, appealing only to his ego instead of his humanity as she knew full well he wouldn’t listen. The only person who really tried with Belos was The Collector, a child who learned the concept of kindness and forgiveness for the first time in their life and didn’t know better. If that doesn’t say a lot about Belos, I don’t know what does.

It’s always important to preach the message of helping people better themselves. There are good people in this world and it’s admirable to help those who want to be good but need to learn or relearn how. However, not EVERYONE is going to be like that. One way or another, they don’t see themselves as someone who needs to change. They either think there’s nothing wrong with them or believe that the rest of the world should change itself first. You can TRY to reach out to them and maybe you’ll succeed in some way with a few of these people. Just don’t feel too disappointed when it turns out that some people are too broken to fix. In that regard, there’s not much you could do to help them and you’ll often find yourself fighting against them. And you might want to make sure none of those people get too big of a dangerous job, because you’re not going to like what they’re capable of. You’ll see why in this next theme.

The ones who make the rules are sometimes the most dangerous

Not ALL the time, mind you. There are SOME nice people running things…probably. But not EVERY person should be in charge. There are those who abuse the system for the chance of lifting themselves up higher or hurting those whose only crime is existence. They have their “reasoning,” but it always boils down to excuses in some ways. It’s always based on “How they’re raised” or “It’s based on what their religion says.” While that explains their actions, never does it justify anything they’ve done as it’s a weak shield against the arguments about their moral character. Your upbringing and religion doesn’t stop you from coming across as a turd nugget, and if you’re wondering who I’m calling out with this, it’s the kind of people that Belos represents.

The absolute tragedy is that there are people in real life who are a lot like Belos. It’s just that he’s exaggerated for a storytelling effect and to keep things simple for the kiddos. Regardless of that, he still acts like those you’d see and hate. He’s a maniacal, manipulative leader who made the ranks through lies, smooth talk, and telling people what they want to hear. Because when you act like you know better than others, and do so with enough confidence, you’d be surprised with how easily people will be convinced to follow someone who speaks nothing but nonsense. And nonsense really is the name of Belos’ game, as he manipulated a group of people’s sacred beliefs and formed a religious oligarchy just so he could kill those he was manipulating in the first place. As far as my admittedly limited political knowledge goes, there hasn’t been a person that’s gone THAT far, as most of them actually believe the crap they’re saying. It’s just Belos who manipulates beliefs to get his way. The Witches consider the Titan their god? Then he’ll use that god to make them think he’s unhappy with how witches use magic. It’s similar to how people use the “It’s not what God would want” when making their stance on other people’s rights, except it’s not THEIR god that Belos believes in. He’s a puritan who thinks that all these sins he’s committing to the people of the Isles is worth it because it’s what HIS god wants. And for the record, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with believing in God or any god for that matter. But if you really believe that God would want you to kill others to appease him when his teachings boil down to love and forgiveness, then I don’t think you’re worshiping God the right way. That’s something Belos doesn’t realize, as he would twist his own soul into a pretzel for the sake of his “holy mission.” Yet that mission was nothing more than a shield to hide behind his discrimination. Much like other “leaders” in the world.

Am I projecting how I see certain scumbags on social media onto Belos? Most definitely, but I feel like Dana Terrace is most certainly doing the same thing. Look at any conservative online and tell me that they don’t have similar mindsets to Belos. Because to me, they definitely do, and it’s the way Belos transformed the Isles that makes me worry about those real life dingles. Especially with how REAL the Isles feel in that regard. Oh, things seem fine. In fact, things are relatively normal with people living their lives without any real negatives. That is, as long as you join a coven, otherwise you’ll be marked for death if you break the one important rule. Everything seems to be alright for everyone who stays in line and follows the rules, much like real life society. We can live normally and be at peace as long as we ignore the problems that exist, do as we’re told, and never CONSIDER straying from the path. And that acceptance of how things are is exactly what the bad guys in charge use to get what they want. They spread their message to those who WANT to listen and are fine with what’s being preached, all while painting those who say otherwise as the purest of evil. When, nine times out of ten, it’s usually the person preaching that crap who turns out to be the real scumbag. They don’t want you to think differently or question why things are the way they are, either because they don’t want their own place in the world to be challenged or, like Belos, they actually believe that people who are “other” are actually evil. It’s why he gave these people, who were initially content with their lives, a system that seemed to encourage in-fighting, proving that you’re the best at a specific skill, and letting others climb to be the most powerful in the world for the sake of their god. Belos devised a way for witches to basically fight each OTHER, temporarily playing the long game so he can stall until finding a way to kill them all at once when his time was starting to run out.

I wouldn’t say that the show is ENTIRELY anti-government. If it was, the ending wouldn’t have implied that Raine and Darius have basically started their own. To me, the show is more likely saying that you need to be careful in who you put your faith in to lead you. Not EVERY politician is evil, but none of them are saints either. A lot of them have ulterior motives for letting them lead, with a person like Belos showing just why we should be wary of who to trust. Belos may be an exaggerated worst case scenario, but one that’s very much possible if we don’t prepare well enough to stop those just like him. As for who’s who, well, that’s up to your own beliefs and research to find out. Just remember that even though someone is in charge, that doesn’t mean they have your best intentions in mind. Though, keep in mind, this is mostly about the people in politics. There are authority figures you should be wary of, but most of the ones who know you personally are trying to keep you safe. It’s the ones that have known you for years. Ones who want to make sure you’re having the best life. And while they’re not always right, there are some out there who want to do right by you. And what authority figures are those? Why, your parents of course!

…Look, I wrote myself into a corner and I needed a good transition into the next theme. I know parents are nowhere NEAR the same government officials or those who uphold the law, but they at least uphold the law in YOUR house. Though, some of them aren’t perfect at it.

Parenting isn’t easy

There are a LOT of parents that do their best in this show. The only real exception is Odalia because…she’s Odalia. It’s the rest that shows they’re doing all they can to give their children a better life. Willow’s dads are willing to give up their jobs to continue Willow’s education when she’s expelled, Perry wants to support Gus’ talents, and, hell, even one of Boscha’s moms seems desperate to be a part of her daughter’s life by asking to join in on the Moonlight Conjuring. There are some decent parents in this show, but not a lot of them tend to get credit for their efforts. Mainly because, in some cases, their efforts aren’t good enough to those who’ve had…similar experiences that turned out for the worst. Those types of people tend to not feel good when a show says, “Give your parents the benefit of the doubt.” You can…already tell where this is going, and I want those fans to know that their emotions are valid and, if I were in their shoes, I would feel the same way. However, I think there’s some value in how The Owl House tries pointing out a parent’s love is the most essential part done right, even if some parents tend to fumble at first.

Starting with the most forgiving, we have…Camila.

“LE GASP!”

DO NOT get me wrong: Camila is still the best parent in the show and one of the best cartoon moms of all time…That doesn’t mean she hasn’t made any mistakes. In fact, Camila acknowledging her mistakes is part of what makes her one of the best parents. She was a single mother trying her best to raise Luz right, but got lost along the way due to how OTHERS perceived Luz, not so much how CAMILA saw her. She loved Luz’s wackiness and oddities, it’s what made Luz…Luz. Camila was just worried because not everyone would feel the same way, and that would mean Luz would not fit in with…anyone. And with everybody judging Luz and even judging CAMILA, it left her feeling pressured to make a change to fix the situation. Her fault was that Camila decided on sending Luz away to a camp in an effort to help her daughter, only for that to make Luz feel like SHE’S the problem. It’s not what Camila intended, but it’s how her actions came across, and it immediately left some bad tastes in some fans’ mouths. Some of it was very unwarranted as too many jumped on the hate wagon by calling Camila a bad mom who doesn’t love her daughter despite a fair amount of evidence pointing to the contrary. Still, when she does things like send Luz away or unintentionally guilt Luz into thinking she can never return to the Isles, some fans can’t help but see their own dismissive or possessive parents, even if Camila isn’t meant to be like that. She’s a mother trying her best and made a few mistakes along the way. She at least learned from her mistakes, managed to be better, and was given more depth for why she acted this way. And her character was certainly more well-received than other problematic parents doing their best.

If you couldn’t guess already, Gwen and Alador are the other two. I’ve said ALL that I’ve needed to say about them, there’s no need to stretch it out further, and so I’ll just speed by them. Firstly, they’re both characters where you understand the intention the writers were going for. They’re meant to be parents who genuinely love their kids but went about supporting or helping them the wrong way. Gwen was a mother who wanted to cure her daughter’s curse at all costs due to the pain it caused Eda and the rest of the family. She just ignored Eda’s feelings about the matter, not being satisfied unless the curse is gone FOREVER. And all that ignoring led to Eda distancing herself from Gwen because of all the intense and ineffective treatments, with an extra side-effect of Gwen ignoring Lilith because her problems weren’t as “important” as the one she caused. Though, that last bit might have been a thing long before the curse. At least, that’s what’s implied. Her actions were less than ideal, and to some fans, it would take more than a single “I’m sorry” to make things right. Unfortunately for Gwen, she never really got a chance to prove she’s forever changed like Camila did. Outside of redeeming herself at the end of her introductory episode. The next time we see her, she drops the news to Eda that Dell is about to visit, giving Eda no time to mentally or emotionally prepare herself for her father’s arrival. It was done with the best of intentions and Eda would have refused until the day she died anyways, but it’s still the same as Gwen showing up unannounced with a new and “totally legitimate” cure. Camila at least put in an effort to be okay with the Isles, even if some aspects freak her outyears after her first visit. But that’s the benefit of being a character who was allowed to grow and change because the writers found a way to include her in the main story. Gwen didn’t have that luxury, with the show barely having enough time to fit her in at all. I feel like the reason for that was because the writers didn’t have plans for Gwen outside of her introduction, so they just hoped that what she did in that episode would be enough. And…it is for a mostly one-off character, but it causes SOME reservations with fans due to the years of damage and neglect Gwen partook in. I would still personally say that what she does is enough, but I’m a person who didn’t have a mother problem like Gwen, and the fans who did are likely going to respectfully disagree with me. Though, I feel like I can confidently say that Gwen’s mistakes are an easier pill to swallow than Alador’s.

Alador is very much not an improvement as he constantly stayed out of Odalia’s way and did what she said to make her happy so she wouldn’t do anything WORSE to the kids. Even though what she already did wasn’t all that great to begin with, Alador kept telling himself that Odalia will somehow be even worse if she doesn’t get her way. He tried to SUBTLY steer Odalia off course, but still did next to nothing to really stop anything she’s done. He does when she finally goes too far, but to some fans’ eyes it’s too late. Now the question is: Is Alador stopping Odalia from assisting a genocide and promising to do better ENOUGH to accept? And to some fans…the answer is no. It’s a good start, but it’s hard for some people to accept an apology that seems to come too late. It’s even harder to accept because the show’s about over and there’s next to no time for Alador to improve himself as a good parent. I get that he WANTS to, but wanting to be a better parent and actually being one are two different things. Trust me. The epilogue hints that he did well enough for Amity to still be happy to see him, it’s just that we don’t get to see that change for ourselves, thus making it a harder pill to swallow that he’s really a good parent.

It is a good thing for kids shows to say that parents are doing their very best. I’m willing to say that there’s a VAST majority of parents who actually love their kids, even if they sometimes make decisions that could unintentionally upset the child at first. It’s nice to tell kids that their parents still love them, and it gives the parents watching The Owl House a chance to see some of their mistakes be painted negatively and it’s not too late to change. However, there are still teens and young adults who DIDN’T have the best parents growing up, and they’re going to be slightly willing to resent some attempts to make imperfect parents better. It at least works with Camila, with only those who disagree being fans who hyper-focused on her worst attributes and ignored her most nurturing moments for the sake of just…hating her, I guess. Ever since “Thanks to Them,” the hate train for Camila has LONG since left the station with barely any passengers on it anymore, and it’s all because of Season Three having her confront her mistakes and improve on herself. We don’t get that with Alador and Gwen, so saying that they’re parents doing their best doesn’t really cut it because we never got the chance to see what their “best” ever was. Both have their moments that make me appreciate the effort, but they’re a case of the intention being better than the execution, making this a lesson that needed better planning for its other parents. Though, in fairness, the lack of proper preparation for making imperfect yet loving BIOLOGICAL parents MIGHT have something to do with The Owl House LOVING the Found Family trope…

Family is more than blood

Ah, the found family trope. Something that’s genuinely wholesome every time it’s used. Whether it’s outcasts and weirdos finding acceptance through each other or poor sad sacs finally experiencing love for the first time with someone who isn’t a blood relative. The Owl House loves this trope, especially with its main trio. I’ve said…pretty much all I need to say about these three and how important their love for each other is. Their bond is at the core of what makes the show so compelling, and seeing them be happy together is what makes watching The Owl House great. On top of that, it also does a job of showing that you don’t need to be a child’s birth parent to be a GOOD parent.

Eda’s a surrogate mother to Luz and an adopted mother to King. Neither of them are her flesh and blood, but she will ALWAYS treat them as such. At least, she eventually does. Initially, Eda kept pushing the label of Luz being her APPRENTICE before sticking with calling Luz her “kid” and would treat King more as a pet before seeing him as a son. It’s partly Eda not wanting to accept that she likes having people in her life, and partly because the writers were not a hundred percent sure about character dynamics until almost halfway through the second season. Regardless, by the time everything is all figured out and accepted, Eda basically starts to become mom of the year. She prioritizes Luz and King’s safety above anything else, takes time out of her day to get those kids the things they need on the day-to-day, and will get extra murdery when someone so much as THINKS about hurting her babies. It gets to the point where if the pressure of her kids being in danger becomes too much, it’ll cause Eda to break, making her one of the few cartoon parents who absolutely refuses to let her children get mixed up in the danger. The parental figures of shows like these tend to accept that it’s something the kid HAS to do or begrudgingly goes along with it because…it makes the plot easier. Even the parental figures who tell their kids to be cautious when approaching danger tend to still bring their kids into said danger. With Eda, she’s the rare case where I’ve seen a mother actually cry from stress over worrying about her children, which proves how strong her love is for Luz and King. You don’t need to be a biological mother to love your kids, and Eda proves it. As well as a certain someone else.

I do want to gush about how Camila is the mother Vee never had, taking the poor little snake in when she had nowhere else to go. The problem is that there’s not really a greater focus on it, but, at the same time, there doesn’t need to be. We understand everything from something as simple as Camila running to hug Vee when she reveals her new form. At first, Camila may have been put off by the SURPRISE of Vee, mainly because the reveal of a snake demon pretending to be her daughter was a bit too much for her. But after calming down and seeing Vee for what she is (Which is a scared teenager with boatloads of trauma), Camila agrees to let Vee stay with her because the girl has nowhere else to go. That very act shows off Camila’s kindness, sure, but the little bits we get in “Thanks to Them” shows that this is more than a woman offering a teen a place to stay out of the goodness of her heart. There’s that first hug I’ve mentioned, sure, but we also have Vee learning Spanish fluently and a picture of Camila proudly teaching Vee how to make empanadas. It makes it seem like there’s a genuine effort to make Vee a permanent member of the family, with Camila not seeming to be against it. And her final hug to Vee at the end of the special cements that she’s more than happy to have Vee in her life, which is further confirmed in the pictures we see in “Watching and Dreaming.” Vee became a permanent part of the Noceda family, joining in on family outings and graduating with Vee in pure glee. She hasn’t been with them long, but Camila and Luz love Vee like a mother and sister would, being something that’s so genuinely heartwarming to think about despite how little we see in the show…It also feels more earned when compared to Hunter and Darius.

I still appreciate what was MEANT to be done with Hunter and Darius, don’t get me wrong. It’s sweet to give Hunter a father figure and someone to consider family outside of Belos because…it’s Belos. Hunter deserves SOMEONE to love and guide him outside of Flapjack, and Darius is revealed to be someone that was strict but understanding about Hunter being a teenager. Plus, with the information that he was close with Hunter's predecessor, and the knowledge of what happened to previous Golden Guards, you can take this as Darius wanting to keep his friend’s memory alive through Hunter. The potential of what they could be is there and what we see is still good. I really do enjoy that Darius seems ready to take Hunter in after Hunter was ready to accept that he has no one, even taking interest in Hunter’s love of wolves the second he talks about them. It’s certainly charming…but we also barely see any of it. More than that, we’ve hardly seen it built up. I know the same applies to Vee and Camila, but here’s what they have that Darius and Hunter don’t: Time and close proximity. Even when they’re off screen together, they’re still together and you can imagine the bonding they MUST be going through, even if they’re off-screen. You can’t live in the same house with somebody and NOT form some kind of connection with them. For Hunter and Darius, while they MIGHT live in the same castle, but they’re often both busy with duties and responsibilities to even TALK to each other. At least, that’s what we can assume from these two. Camila and Vee seem significantly less busy with one another, so it’s easy to imagine that they have all the time in the world to chat and bond. Hunter is rarely in the same room as Darius unless in uniform. I get that Darius cares for the boy, what with how overprotective he got and ready to rain hell once learning that Hunter’s in Belos’ mind too. But that’s the only real big showcase of their bond between “Any Sport in a Storm” and “Watching and Dreaming” that so much as hints to their relationship. It’s a decent attempt, but it’s another one of those things where I wonder if it’d turn out better if we had more time.

Regardless, it’s still an effective theme. Only a third of the found families here were allowed to have a lot of attention on them, but Camila and Darius were still allowed a chance to prove their loving parents despite not having a lot of time to show it. Familial love isn’t JUST defined by the blood one shares. It’s something experienced the exact same way through adoption or considering someone to be close enough where they might as well be family. Blood’s not all that binds us, and it’s sweet for the show to say that, not only for the kids looking for a new home but also for ones looking for an out from a hostile environment. They WILL get a better life with people who will love them regardless of being related or not. And it’s not just a familial bond you’ll get from people out in the world. Because while you might currently feel alone without anyone there to understand or love you, just know this:

You’ll find your people

This one…really applies to a lot of the characters in the series. One way or another, they each experience a state of loneliness at some point, having no one in their life for a period of time to then having the closest companions and romantic partners that make things…better. These are characters that likely thought they’d never find anyone, but they’ve either now have one person or a group of people that make them feel seen and heard as an individual. And I could go on entire essays about these characters…but this whole sticking thing has gone on long enough, so we’ll lightning round these examples.

Luz was your average nerd that no one understood, with her antics being too weird for anyone to even want to associate themselves with her. That is, until she found herself in a land that’s weirder than her, yet ironically remaining a social outcast due to her being the only human. Yet she still manage to befriend almost every person she met, with all of them showing up to celebrate her birthday. It made Luz go from the loneliest girl in her grade to basically the leader of her own squad of losers and town sweetheart to the lives she saved.

After losing a friendship with Amity, Willow spent a lot of her time all alone and struggling to catch up with others, bullies in particular calling her half-a-witch. But we already established where this led her. She got two personal cheerleaders and a boyfriend that all express how amazing and talented Willow is, having blossomed into the badass she is now. She even repaired things with Amity, making a friendship that’s stronger than it was before.

Older kids used Gus for his intelligence and didn’t respect him for his age. Now he’s the personal cheerleader of a whole group of friends who have his back and value both his input and needs.

Amity may have had “friends” like Boscha and the whole mean girl clique, but it never felt real to her. She was surrounded by people, but never felt more alone until meeting Luz and understanding what real love and friendship felt like. It made Amity want to be better as a person, giving her a chance to rekindle a friendship with Willow and making things better than they’ve ever been.

Hunter had NO friends his age, only having a bird as a companion that he had to keep secret from his controlling, bloodthirsty uncle. It wasn’t until the bird kept pulling Hunter in the right direction did he manage to become friends with a girl who acted like an annoying sister, a new best bro, and a crush turned girlfriend, all inspiring him to stand up Belos and be his own person. And also Amity was there.

Vee had next to NO ONE in her life, and she was a monster in the Boiling Isles that was hunted down by Belos. By coming to the Human Realm, not only did she find peace, but she also found a family, made easy friends, and became part of a group that likely makes her feel a sense of belonging she never experienced before. And you know what? Good for her.

Throughout Hexside, all Eda had was Lilith, which implied that not a lot of students were a fan of her chaos. That is, until she met Raine and finally had someone who both understood her as well as wanting to join the fun.

Speaking of Raine, they were a top student for sure but one that was looked down upon/underestimated due to being a bard witch. Eda was the one who saw their potential and talents, being an easy first friend and eventual girlfriend who brought more excitement to Raine’s life.

It is HEAVILY implied that Camila was a closeted nerd who never had anyone that understood her until meeting Manny. Those two geeks assuredly bonded over their shared interest in Cosmic Frontier, making Camila feel loved and understood by a man that I REALLY wish we got to see in canon. Just one flashback or SOMETHING!

Lilith likely didn’t have any friends in Hexside, though it’s possibly by choice. She focussed more on studying and being better than her sister, with that mindset carrying over to the Emperor’s Coven as she won’t give up unless EVERYONE recognized her for her talents. Friendship took second place to those needs, and, for all we know, means that Hooty is her very first real friend. And that’s sad because…it’s Hooty, but at the same time it makes their friendship all the more beautiful with how much Hooty makes Lilith happy in a time when she felt like there was no one who’d face her let alone like her company.

And finally we have The Collector, who was alone for EONS, wanting to just play games and make friends. The only snag was that he was too powerful and needed a guide, with King stepping up as the role of The Collector’s (forced) best friend. And while the job wasn’t the BEST position, King grew fond of The Collector, making them feel fuller as a person.

Like I said, a LOT of characters felt alone for so long. The good news is that they eventually found those who made life better just through their company alone. And that’s good to teach–GREAT, even. Because it doesn’t matter how long it takes for those who feel so alone. Whether you’re a teenager or even an adult, you’ll find people in your life who will effortlessly make you happy. You just gotta let them in when they find you and allow them to make life better. For some of you, it might be hard to let friends into your life because you feel too damaged beyond repair. And for that, there’s another thing to remember…

Love heals all wounds

On top of being lonely, a lot of characters tend to be…emotionally broken. At the very least, a lot of them needed a hug more than anything ele. At most, they need a whole new life with people that actually understand the importance of love and kindness. And I…pretty much just speedran my way through most of those characters, as well as thoroughly going over the two biggest examples in this show throughout every part of this dang review series. Amity and Hunter are their best selves now because of the new friends that they made and the families they formed. Most of their baggage, bad behaviors, and worst memories are darn near forgotten due to those in their lives making things better. I’d just be repeating myself to an excessive degree if I went further with these two. They’re the best examples for sure, explicitly showing how much a person can become better off with someone showing them what love feels like. The same goes with, like I said, a LOT of characters on the show. Luz was in a depressive state, one that made her question whether or not people would be better off without her, and was only healed through reassurance and reconfirmation that people loved her and are happy BECAUSE she was in their lives. Eda was a person that pushed away everyone in her life, from families to romantic partners, until she had two kids in her life that gave it meaning and encouraged her to reconnect with those she left behind. And do I even need to explain Vee? The connections we make with people is only important because of the love we share with one another, in a variety of ways. Romantic, platonic, even familial, a person saying “I care” can do wonders to a person’s psyche in ways you don’t even know.I should know. I speak from experience as a person who often felt like no one cares about him or his existence. It means WONDERS whenever I hear someone say they value having me around. Reassurance that you’ll find your people is one thing, but being reminded that the love you get from them is as essential just feels…so right. Because, yeah, of course relationships and love go hand in hand. It’s part of why The Owl House is such a delight to see and why this next and final theme hits so hard. And while I say final theme…it’s really one of the first things the show ever had to say.

“Us weirdos gotta stick together”

On top of being lonely and desiring love, The Owl House is a show of outcasts. As Luz puts it best, they don’t fit in anywhere so they just fit in together. Our main trio, of course, are the primary examples of this. King’s the last of his species with delusions of grandeur that makes him difficult to socialize, Eda’s a criminal wanted by the Emperor for not joining a coven, and Luz was the weird girl in school that became too much to handle. The three of them never really fit in anywhere so they found unity through each other. They’re the only ones who really knew and understood each other better than most people and would go through so much if it meant making one another happy. They were weird, but that’s what kept them united as people who can be their true selves while being…mostly unjudged. There is some teasing and some questionable looks, but it often comes from a place of love as these three would do a lot to make each other feel loved. And it’s not just with their group.

Luz took Eda’s words to heart, setting out to form a weird little group of her own. She went out to make friends who were social outcasts as well. You have Willow, the powerful girl who couldn’t get good enough with one type of magic, getting ridiculed by both peers and faculty. And Gus, a magical prodigy who is OBSESSED with humans. Both of them get along great with Luz, appreciating her siliness and joining in because it was fun for them. What’s even better is that they’re not the only weird bunch in school. The Detention Track kids also came together, due to a shared “oddity” of wanting to learn more magic by combining different kinds of spells. They went about things the wrong way and were definitely a little too chaotic, but that’s just what kept them all so close together. And “Any Sport in the Storm” showed them making new friends outside of their group, more so with Viney as the episode mostly hints that the same applies to Jerbo and Barcus. Speaking of Viney, though, she managed to become close with Gus, Willow, and surprisingly Skara, all of them sharing an understanding of being underestimated in one way or another. Weirdness tends to attract more weirdness, with The Owl House saying it’s a good thing. It furthers the theme about how you will find your people, with these little groups proving that you’re never too weird for EVERYONE. And, even further, your weirdness can inspire others to let out their inner weirdos. Amity was allowed to be a more of an open nerd, sharing her love of Azura with Luz, and Hunter was allowed to take interests and show off how he enjoys something without worrying about how others judged him. In fact, NONE of these characters worried about how they were judged as people because of the company they keep. Most of them may have been a little odd, but they all felt seen, heard, and appreciated for who they were. But that remains a final question: Who WERE they?

What does the show mean with the word “Weirdo?” What are “weirdos” meant to represent? There’s the obvious answer in saying that it’s meant to be more literal, saying that the show is speaking to anybody that’s more or less odd or goes against the grain, in a way. Although, even then, what does that mean? What counts as weird? Is it weird to be a fan of something you love? Is it weird to be unpopular or to not shine as brighter as others? Is it weird to…love someone…who happens to be the same gender…?

Maybe I’m overreaching, but this is where my mind goes when the show says “weirdos.” It’s a very vague term that can apply to a lot of people who don’t feel like they fit in for a variety of reasons. Stuff like loving a certain thing or loving a certain someone COULD fit into that and it makes the message of sticking together all the more important. Because it’s true, weirdos should stick together. Whether you like it or not, we’re all in the same boat. People will look down at us as if we commit the worst crimes, when all we did was act as our unique selves. We didn’t hurt anybody, we never PLANNED to hurt anybody. We just want to be allowed to exist, and it’s perfectly fine to find unity through that desire of existence. No matter how you’re seen as weird, from who or what you love, to the way that you act, and the way that you talk, you’re allowed to be who you are. We don’t like being judged, so we shouldn’t judge others who just want the same things we do. So unite, because us weirdos have got to stick together.

And that…is that. That’s all the things I figured that The Owl House tried to say to the kids. I may not have gotten EVERYTHING, but these are what stood out to me and they’re the lessons that I love most to have come from the show. If there’s any theme you want discussed, then by all means share. Tell everyone how there’s more to this series that makes it stand out from all the other kids shows with a point. And, more importantly, how it does it well. Because at the end of the day, while the messages can be a little muddled, I wouldn’t say that The Owl House has anything bad to say. At all. Its heart is always in the right place, and that’s what I personally admire most about this series.

Speaking of admiration, I’m running out of things to talk about why I love this show. So, tune in next time for the FINAL PART as I discuss more of what does and doesn’t work with this series as I finally conclude why I love it so much. It’s…likely going to be emotional, so see you then.

#the owl house #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #king clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #amity blight #willow park #hunter deamonne #gus porter #camila noceda #emperor belos #toh the collector #why i love the owl house #what i thought about #the owl house reviews

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tropes-and-tales · 1 year ago

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If You Weren't You, Part Two

Day 1: Hate sex (Benny Magalon x F!Reader)

(For the 2023 Kinktober event that I created on my own because I am boring and basic and am trying to keep it simple this year...found here!)

CW: Light angst, kinda; smut (PiV, unprotected); 18+ only.

Word Count: 5618

AN: This is a sequel to this, and it was requested for Kinktober by @thesandbeneathmytoes!)

The weekend passes uncomfortably for Benny Magalon.

He has the usual bullshit chores to catch up on. He gets groceries, does his laundry. He calls home, gets the updates on his family from his mom. He goes through the pile of mail that accumulated on his table during the week.

Every idle moment, his mind drifts to you. That moment with you, specifically. The moment of insanity.

Nighttime is the worst. He doesn’t fall asleep easily anyway, but Saturday night, Sunday night…it takes longer than usual to drift off. He keeps replaying that moment. In the darkness of his room, he swears he can exactly remember the weirdly tender way you touched him—your hand in his hair, the gentle way you kissed him.

The way he made you laugh—really laugh—when he jokingly accused you of getting turned on by being mean to him.

The curiously hurt look on your face afterwards when he implied that fucking you was some bottom-of-the-barrel situation for him. It was inexplicable, the hurt in your expression, because Benny hadn’t thought you were capable of feeling hurt. You were too cool, too dispassionate…or so he thought.

Sunday night stretches out long and uncomfortable. The minutes tick by slow, and he’s no closer to falling asleep. In only a few hours he’ll have to get up, get dressed, and face you.

“Goddammit,” he mutters in the darkness of his room, and he rolls over, punches his pillow into shape, and tries to push you out of his head.

-----

He doesn’t have to face you Monday morning. Lobbin’ Bob is the one leading the morning debrief, and you are nowhere to be found.

Benny finds out later that you are with the LAPD, plying your charm to get some case files they have on the suspect on a separate case. Right now, though, he’s just relieved to not have to see you.

He and Big Nick go outside after the debrief to head back to Major Crimes. His boss looks awful—he hits those Friday parties hard and never seems to have enough time to recover. Nick gestures to Benny to wait a moment, and he leans against his truck, slides a pack of smokes out of his coat pocket. He lights a cigarette with a grumble, then tosses the pack and lighter to Benny.

They smoke together in silence for a beat. God only knows what Big Nick is thinking.

Benny? He’s thinking he’s dodged a bullet, but that he’ll have to face you soon enough.

Big Nick takes a deep drag of his cigarette. “Sorry about Friday night,” he says. “You drew the short straw.”

Benny flicks the ash off of his own cigarette. “S’ fine.”

“You missed a good party.” A beat. “So how was she? Lobbin’ Bob’s pet ice queen?”

He shrugs. He refuses to tell his boss about that moment of madness in the backseat of your SUV, the weirdly tender moment that turned sour as soon as you both put your pants back on.

“Same as always,” he replies.

Big Nick chuckles, shakes his head. “You know, I’m all for women in law enforcement. Equal rights and all that shit. But I hate it when they get too high on themselves. The way she marches around, acting like she’s better than everyone…there’s no room for ego in this game.”

Benny bites his tongue, doesn’t point out that Big Nick has the biggest ego of anyone. How he insists on being the center of attention, the center of any moment. The Sheriff’s department resident bad boy who get results at the cost of….well, everything. At the cost of good procedures and policies, at the cost of his family, at the cost of his detectives’ personal lives…

“She needs taken down a notch or two,” Big Nick says. “Think we should be the ones to do it.”

Benny has witnessed plenty of his boss’s pranks and mean-spirited jokes. Big Nick plays rough.

He remembers the feeling of your fingers combing through his hair, the soft way you pulled him to you to kiss him. The startling sound of your laughter.

“Nah, leave it,” he tells Big Nick, but he should know better—Nick does what Nick wants, and tough shit to anyone who doesn’t like it.

*****

You learned how to compartmentalize things when you were just a kid, and the knack for it serves you well in adulthood—in your personal life, but especially in your job.

When you make the terrible decision to fuck Detective Magalon, that decision straddles both your personal and professional life, which makes it harder to shove away in a box and forget it…but you’re a pro at sealing off unhappy moments, sliding them into some cobwebbed corner of your mind, so that’s exactly what you do.

You seal off that moment with Magalon, you push it away, you start to forget it.

Monday: you spend the better part of the day with LAPD, sifting through evidence tangentially related to your case.

Tuesday: you testify in an unrelated case, drive up to Sacramento and walk a judge and jury through your investigation from months ago.

Wednesday: you return to the office and the case at hand. The LAPD sent over all of their casework while you were in the state capitol, boxes of evidence, so you sigh and settle in for a day of combing through it all. It’s a proverbial needle in a haystack, but you aren’t alone for long.

An hour into it, you’ve only just ordered the boxes and cracked open the first one. There’s a knock at the door of your office, and Bob peeks his head in.

“Hey, the Sheriff’s Department sent over one of their detectives to help you sort through the evidence,” he said. He shook his head, chuckled. “I tried to tell O’Brien that we didn’t need any help, but he’s afraid of getting iced out.”

You roll your eyes and hope the gesture covers the way your stomach cramps and twists. You know it’s going to be Magalon. That shoved-away, boxed-up memory resurfaces—the gentle way he had cradled the top of your head in your SUV, the way he had smiled down at you…then how he had insulted you right after, and how hard that stung.

“It’s fine,” you lie to Bob.

“Good.” He raps his fist against the doorjamb. “He’s on his way up. Play nice, but if you need me, just call.”

“Will do,” you reply, and you have only a handful of minutes to compose yourself: to pull on a neutral face, to take some steadying breaths, and then Detective Magalon—Mr. Tall, Dark, and Stupid—is in your doorway with an inscrutable expression on his face.

*****

You’re quiet all day. Through the morning, through lunch and into the afternoon—you say so little. The sum total of your conversation is you asking him what he wants for lunch, then you calling out to an assistant to place the order.

You eat in silence. You work in silence. Benny goes outside to smoke a cigarette, and he finds his hands tremble to light it. He lingers outside as long as he thinks he can, and he returns to your office slowly, drags his feet.

Your silence is unnerving. It holds weight and takes up space, like a third entity in the room with the two of you. Benny’s not used to women being so quiet when they’re pissed at him—and you must be pissed at him. Women he’s done wrong, they usually yell at him, scream at him, come at him like wildcats.

You just sit there and page through wire-tap records, witness interviews, phone records. You don’t avoid eye contact with him but you don’t stare him down. You’re perfectly neutral, exactly down the middle of the line.

His weird guilt and unease shifts back to a more familiar feeling: irritation. Lobbin’ Bob’s goddamned pet ice princess. Fussily perfect, completely boring. You drink water all day to stay hydrated. You brush and floss your teeth after lunch. When you get a headache, you pull open a desk drawer—neatly organized—and shake out a single tablet of ibuprofen that you toss back with a practiced flick of the wrist.

You’re a goddamned robot, not even a real person, and Benny hates that you took up so much space in his head over the weekend. He hates that he felt a burgeoning guilt over what he had said after your hookup; he hates that he felt nervous to see you again. He hates that he lost a single moment of sleep over you.

The sun reaches its apex and starts its slide into the west. The quiet murmur of office noise dies off on the other side of your door. Benny’s concentration wanes too; the numbers on the phone logs he’s combing start to blur together. His thoughts drift off to other things. He starts to fiddle with his phone, restlessly scrolling through his email, his texts, the handful of bare-bones social media he has.

You glance up at him from your pile of paperwork when his phone chimes—a text from Big Nick—and Benny feels your eyes on him. When he looks up from replying to Nick, he catches your studious look, your arched brow.

But you say nothing, so when you bend your head back to the task at hand, he goes ahead and breaks the onerous silence with a terse, “we gonna be much longer?”

“Big Nick got a line on some coke and hookers?”

There it is. Finally. He pushes a hard exhale through his nose and shakes his head. “That wasn’t Big Nick.” He doesn’t add more to the lie; he’s curious if you’ll think it’s a woman. He’s curious if any glimmer of jealousy will cross your features.

He’s disappointed a beat later. Instead of feeling jealous, you seem to see through his ruse but you play along. Your lips twitch into a ghost of a smile.

“Oh, a hot date, then?” The smile widens, and you lift a hand towards your closed door. “If you leave now, you won’t lose your deposit on her.”

Another huffed out breath, and his irritation rachets up a degree. He hates your implications around him paying for women, but he hates even more how close to the mark you’ve hit. He hasn’t paid for it, not in a long while…but there was a time when he had, back when he was freshly-divorced and smarting from it, licking his wounds at their big seedy parties each weekend.

“Jealous?” he asks, and he hates how lame it sounds as a comeback, but he pairs it with a stony expression.

You nod, and a fake frown replaces your smile, a pouting moue that would be charming on anyone else but you.

“I’m devastated,” you reply, dead-pan, but then you sigh and look back down at your paperwork. “No, go ahead and go.”

He would leave if you’d leave, but you seem like you’re staying. The sun is almost set now, and your office is darker, but you make no move to box up the remaining evidence. You seem like you’re hunkering down until the job is done, and that needles at Benny even more. You’ve always obliquely—and not so obliquely—implied that you are the better cop. That he and the Major Crimes assholes are reckless tramplers of the law, and that you and Lobbin’ Bob are upstanding examples of law enforcement.

“You coming?” he asks. He stands up but doesn’t move towards the door.

“No.”

“It’s late.”

You tilt your head but don’t look up at him. “I’ve worked later than this.”

The implication, Benny hears, is that he’s never worked late before, and he bristles at your tone. “There’s probably nothing here,” he replies, and he gestures at the boxes of evidence from the LAPD case. “Leave it.”

You snort, and you finally lift your head. You stare at him dead-on, no blinking. “That’s excellent police work, Detective. ‘There’s probably nothing here.’” You repeat his words back to him in a startingly good impression of him, his lazy California accent and soft voice, and he bristles even more.

“This stuff was always a long shot,” he argues.

“Long shots pay off all the time. Some cases are built on long shots.”

“So you’re gonna stay here and finish?” He glanced over at the boxes you haven’t gotten to yet. There’s three of them. You’ll be here all night. He feels that familiar sting of guilt, and then he feels pissed, like you’re manipulating him into staying longer, even though you’ve been beating him with your silence all day—

“Yup. I am.”

“Well, I’m leaving.” He takes a step towards your door but goes no further because that fucking guilt keeps him rooted in place. The thought of you spending a lonely night with boxes of evidence, and he’s supposed to be your partner in this—

“C’mon, let’s just go,” he adds. “We can hit it tomorrow fresh.”

“Tomorrow I have to hit something else,” you reply. There’s tension in your voice, a tightness to your words. You’re getting irritated with him now. “And the next day there’s something else. I have to get through this now or it won’t get done.”

“Shit, there’s nothing—”

“Christ, Magalon!” You snap, sudden, and it makes him jolt where he stands. You toss your pen aside and bring your fist down on your desktop like a hammer, and the display of anger makes him take a half step away from you. You stand up, round around your desk, and you go to your door and yank it open.

“Go.” You stand in the doorway and point out of it, and you actually fucking snap your fingers as you point, like he’s a recalcitrant dog caught chewing on the furniture.

“Jesus, calm down—”

The words slip out despite knowing that telling any woman to calm down always elicits the opposite reaction: you actually stamp your foot on the floor, and it’d be cute as shit, how feisty you’re getting out of nowhere, but you’re you, and he’s been ready to leave for hours, exhausted by the boring work and the frustration to be paired with you again.

“Get out,” you tell him. “I’ll finish it up myself.”

“I only—”

“I don’t need any excuses. Seriously, Magalon. Go home. Go find O’Brien or your band of merry assholes.”

He should leave. He wants to. You’re back to being a bitch, a living cold front that leaves him chilled by your silence and your judgement. He’s completely free to stalk away; he has no obligation to stay and suffer more. Except…

…except you’ve been calling him by his name all day. Calling him by his title. Magalon. Detective. You’ve dropped the pretense of calling him the wrong name, the pretense of conflating him with his Major Crimes teammates—the message that they’re all the same, interchangeable, identical in their awfulness.

Does it mean you see him as himself now? Did he lay you well enough to distinguish himself from the pack and earn that scant bit of respect—razor-thin, admittedly—that you use his last name now?

“Calm down,” he repeats, and this time it’s intentional. He’s rewarded by more outrage: you stamp your foot again (it is cute, he decides now, because you’re usually so collected). You actually go so apoplectic that when you open your mouth to respond, nothing comes out. You glare at him gape-mouthed, and nothing comes out, so he adds, “shit, you need laid again? You already missing it after a few days?”

Your eyes go wider, and you huff out a breath so heavily that your nostrils flare at the effort. “Shut up.”

It’s not a no. Benny smirks at you, and your eyes narrow into slits at his expression.

“Just go,” you seethe, like you’re pushing the words out between your clenched jaw. “Seriously, don’t leave whoever waiting. Your date. O’Brien. Whoever.”

“I can spare you five minutes.”

You snort, roll your eyes. “What’s that come to, four minutes of foreplay and a minute of action?”

This is cute too, he decides. You talking shit about his game when you know better. You acting like you don’t know how he is, like you don’t have the first-hand experience of him pretty effortlessly coaxing an orgasm from you—

“Aw, sweetheart.” His smirk widens, and he reaches out to trace a fingertip down the curve of your face. “You know that isn’t true.”

You swat away his hand and make a dismissive tsch sort of noise, but you don’t reply. He lifts his hand again, traces his forefinger across the neckline of your blouse. He doesn’t touch you, but he’s close, and when you go to swat him away again, he catches your hand in his. Pulls you towards him, takes you off your balance until you sway closer to him.

“C’mon,” he says. “Five minutes, then we leave, and hit those few boxes fresh in the morning.”

He sees that you’re tempted. He sees the way your expression wavers, and he isn’t sure if you’re more tempted by him or the prospect of not spending the night in your office…but either way, he’s snaking his way around the wall you have up, and you’re wavering—

“C’mon.” He drops his voice to a low rumble right by your ear, and he catches the way your breathing picks up, the rise and fall of your chest quickening. “I know you’re already wet, sweetheart. You’ve been mean to me all day. You must be.”

It makes you laugh, and just like that night in your SUV, it startles him. It’s such a rare sound, he guesses. It’s throaty and low but loud, punched-out. Just like before, he feels a thrill of pride to draw it out of you. He bets it’s a rarer thing to make you laugh than to make you come, and he’s done both.

“I haven’t been mean to you at all,” you point out. “I’ve barely talked.”

“Silent treatment can hurt.”

Another eye-roll. “You complained the other day that I talk too much. Now it’s not enough.”

A fair point: he did snap at you that night, right before he kissed you. He doesn’t want to rehash it at the moment. His own arousal is awake, powering up, so he lifts his eyebrows at you and says, hopeful, “so?”

“So what?”

“Five minutes, then we go?”

“Fuck off.” You move past him, out of the doorway and back into your office. “You just want more ammo for your asshole buddies. Tell ‘em all about hooking up with the ice princess or whatever.”

Benny shuts the door to your office, but he’s on the wrong side of it. He takes the few steps to follow you and says, “I didn’t tell them.”

Another one of your bitter tsch sounds. “Because it’s embarrassing. Yeah, I know. You already—”

“It isn’t their business.” He cuts you off, and if he’s been teasing you before, he’s deadly serious now. It isn’t their business. Not Henderson, not Z, not Connors. Certainly not Big Nick. He chafes under their closeness sometimes, hates that they work and party together so much that it feels like he has no privacy. But this thing—a one-time hook-up that maybe is burgeoning into more—belongs to the two of you. You and Benny. No one else. He tells you so, in far fewer words.

You don’t believe him. You finally turn and watch him, and the expression in your eyes is pure wariness. Underneath it, though, he swears he sees a glint of something else, something not easily defined—

“Come on,” he says. He sounds whiny but he doesn’t care. “You keep scrapping with me, and we could already be fucking.”

It makes you smile. It blossoms across your face like you can’t help it, and in the moment Benny just thinks got you, sweetheart, but afterwards he’ll think about how your smile, rare as it is, holds no artifice, not a single ounce of guile. He’ll think, later on, how your smile transforms your entire face from one of a brittle sort of prettiness to something extraordinarily beautiful.

“Fine,” you answer him, and if you weren’t you, it’d be adorable how you act like you’re put out, like you’re doing him a favor. “Lock the door then, Magalon.”

-----

The interlude in your SUV wasn’t romantic by any stretch, but you try to make this moment even less so. At least that first time, it started with him kissing you, you kissing him back. Now, you’re all business, and he stares for a beat as he watches you kick off your shoes, as you start to unbutton your pants.

“Damn, slow down,” he says.

“You have five minutes.” You push your pants down, give a little shimmy to get them over your hips, over your ass. You get them off but you shake them out and hang them over your chair, fussy as ever.

Benny closes the gap between you, and he manages to reach down and still your hands before you can get your panties off. He clasps them and draws them up, presses them to his chest.

“Slow down,” he repeats. He says it softer, almost a whisper, and it makes you lift your gaze to find him.

The corner of your mouth quirks into a near-smile. “Well, now you have four—”

He doesn’t let you finish. He bends his head and cuts off your smart-ass mouth with a kiss, steals the words from you. Your lips are just as soft as that night, and when he groans at the feel of them, he feels them curve into a smile. A beat later, he feels the sharp line of your teeth nipping at him, not very hard, and then the tip of your tongue tracing along his lower lip.

Benny releases your hands. He wraps one around the back of your neck to hold you to him. He places the other on your waist, and he pushes his fingers under the hem of your shirt to revel in the feel of your skin—soft, and so warm that you feel almost feverish.

You? You don’t romance it beyond kissing him, but you’re eager. He can feel it shimmering off of you like heat on pavement on a summer’s day. Your hands reach down on him; one fumbles at his belt and the button and fly of his jeans while the other cups him through the denim. He inhales sharply at your touch, even through the layers of clothing. He breaks the kiss a moment later when you snake your hand under his jeans and his boxers—the sudden feeling of your warm palm on his cock, coaxing him from half-hard to fully erect.

“Eager. Knew you missed me,” he gloats. He tries to catch your eye but you avoid him, shake your head.

“Shut up,” you mumble, and it’s defensive, and it could lead to you stopping this whole encounter and putting that wall up around you again, so he leaves it be and kisses you again.

Benny wonders what it would be like to take his time with you. This is paltry; it’s a meager mouthful, barely enough to sate any appetite. When he hoists you onto the edge of your desk and pushes into you—you’re already wet, just as he had guessed, so you must get turned on by scrapping with him—it feels just as amazing as before. Your pussy is molten, velvety, gripping him like a fist until he grits his teeth so he doesn’t embarrass himself and come too soon…

…yet he wonders how much better it would be to take his time. To have the luxury of time and space and privacy, to strip you completely naked and see what you really look like. He’d love to edge you, he thinks. He’d love to see you stretched out on a bed, back arching away from the mattress as he pushes you to the precipice of your orgasm only to deny you at the last moment. He’d love to strip away every bit of ego you have, every bit of smugness that sets you higher than him in your own opinion. He’d love to frustrate you completely in bed, would love to see your eyes leaking tears, that mean mouth of yours begging him so sweetly…

…because even like this, once he gets his cock in you, you turn so nice. It gentles you, rounds off the sharp bits and edges of you. Your face goes soft with wonder. Your eyes go soft when you meet his gaze. As he fucks you—sharp thrusts, steady pace—you tilt your face up to him, and you look so unlike yourself that he kisses you again. You sigh into it, hold him tighter where your arms are wrapped around his shoulders to help hold yourself steady at the awkward angle.

Neither of you say much else. He wraps an arm around your waist as he drives into you, and you mumble when you’re close but he already knows: as inscrutable as you are, as placid as your face can be when you’re masking yourself around him, your body is an open book. He feels like he’s tuned in perfectly to whatever wavelength you’re operating on. He hears the way your breathing picks up, feels how your kisses get sloppier as you sink into the sensation of your approaching orgasm. He feels how your cunt grips him tighter, how your arousal coats him and makes it easier to bottom out in you.

He tells you he’s close too, and that’s about the sum of your conversation for the rest of the night: you come a beat later, with a keening whine that sets him off and gives him barely enough time to pull out before he’s painting your belly with his cum.

You’re both quiet afterwards. He resists the urge to kiss your forehead before he parts from you. You might be resisting a similar urge, because you pat him awkwardly on his shoulder in a “way to go, sport” sort of way. But neither of you say much as you clean up, dress, reassemble yourselves. You’re both silent as you leave together, likely remembering how quickly shit turned mean the last time you fucked.

“Hit the rest of the evidence tomorrow morning?” he asks, and you meet his gaze and then nod.

You turn towards where your SUV is parked, but you turn back a beat later, tell him to drive safely.

*****

The case progresses slowly.

You and Benny continue…well, whatever it is, you continue it.

It gives you whiplash. The mean sniping with each other, the insults and barbs you trade. He still follows the ice princess routine, the prissy, bland, clean-living routine. He makes wild assumptions about your life—accuses you of loving beige, of being boring, of decorating your home in “live, laugh, love” décor. His speculations about your sex life—as it exists outside of your hookups with him, that is—make you sound repressed and tedious. You fuck white-collar men, he claims. With the lights off. Missionary. Through a hole in the sheet.

All of that contrasted against how he’s kinda, sorta nice when you hook up. He kisses you nicely, helps you clean up afterwards. You tend to fuck in inconvenient places that test your flexibility, and Magalon is nice about it, considerate to take as much of the discomfort as he can rather than let you twist or strain to make it work.

Tall, Dark, and Stupid. He is capable of being nice, you guess. Who would have thought?

Only capable of it, though. It’s not an innate character trait, you assume. He’s still a mean asshole, snarky, and sometimes his words hit their target dead on and other times they only glance off of you. You’re never sure when they’re going to hurt and when they’re going to make you laugh.

Once, you hook up in your office again, quiet because it’s the lunch hour and there’s twenty fellow FBI agents on the other side of your locked office door. Magalon makes a crude joke afterwards about how you need to take a day off to meet up with your waxer, and your anger at the double standard—this dude who rolls around Los Angeles in a flannel with scruffy facial hair, judging you—washes through you immediately. You open your mouth to argue because his judgement still stings, still makes you feel small and unworthy, but you catch him holding back a smile. His stupid dimple gives him away, and he reaches down and smacks your ass lightly before he goes to leave.

“Save that feistiness for next time,” he tells you, and he drops you a wink, and you hate that he knows you will hold onto his comment, that you will likely visit your salon before you see him again. You hate that he’ll see the results and smirk knowingly.

You hate that he’ll know he is capable of getting to you.

Another time, he hurries you along. It’s early evening, and he’s watched the clock all afternoon. It’s distracting and keeps your orgasm frustratingly out of reach, like you can brush your fingertips against it but not get a firm grip. You do what you always do, then: you gasp beside his ear, you bear down. You fake it.

You think he probably knows, because he peers at you through narrowed eyes right before he comes, and you hate that he’s savvy enough about your body to know the difference between the real thing and faking.

“Got somewhere to be,” he tells you as you clean up. You hear the rustle of his jeans, the clink of his belt buckle.

“Well, don’t let me hold you up.”

“Got a date,” he adds, and you catch the sidelong glance he gives you. No dimples though. You wonder if it’s true or if he’s riling you up.

“Lucky girl.” You perch on the edge of your desk and pull your shoes back on.

“You sound jealous.”

“I’m not.” You aren’t. You’re relieved to find the thought of Magalon going on a date with someone else doesn’t spark any emotion at all. You’ve done a lot of dumb things lately—chiefly the detective standing in your office, zipping up his pants—but at least catching feelings for said detective isn’t one of them.

“You sure?” He peers at you again, and his face is back to its usual stoic stoniness. Not a hint of smile, and you can’t read whatever is going on behind his dark eyes.

“Be sure to hold the door open for her,” you advise him. “Women love basic politeness.”

“If you’re jealous…”

“I’m not. Go. Have fun.” You shoo him away. You sit down at your desk, not wanting to leave with him and go through this jealous-or-not-jealous routine in the parking lot too. You see him out of the corner of your eye while he lingers in your doorway, and then he’s gone.

You don’t catch the faint hurt, the disappointment on his face when he leaves, like he was hoping you’d be jealous of the thought of him out with another woman, wining and dining her properly instead of just hate-fucking her.

And he, of course, isn’t there later to see when the jealousy finally does hit you. It’s just a small feeling; there’s no wild tears or tight chest. You’re already home and walking your dog when it hits. You imagine him out with a nameless woman, and you fill in all the features based on where you find yourself lacking: this nameless woman has smaller, perkier tits, a better ass, a perfectly landscaped pussy. She oozes warmth and openness. No one has ever accused her of being an ice princess. She has a complete, happy family: parents who are still married and still very much in love, an older sister, a younger brother. By the time you’re done walking the dog, you have written an entire history for this nameless woman, and the sting of jealousy needles deeper.

“It’s just fucking,” you remind yourself in bed that night, chiding yourself for getting so worked up over nothing. “It’s just hate sex.”

Still, maybe this is the moment you need to end it. It’s just a bad idea all around. Magalon says he’s never told his buddies, but you can’t be sure and you certainly don’t trust him. Hooking up isn’t against the rules, per se, but you’d hate the judgment that would spring up around the office. It also distracts you when your attention should be elsewhere; the thought of prior hook-ups, the promise of more. And now that you know he’s seeing other people outside of this thing you have, you’d have to make him wear a condom anyway. No sense in putting yourself at risk.

“Easier to just end it,” you mumble as you roll over, tuck your hands under your pillow and try to make yourself comfortable.

Yes, that’s what you’ll do. You’ll just end it. Cold-turkey. No need to make a scene about it. The next time he reaches for you, you’ll just gently and firmly decline. You’re not really the sort of woman to go for hate-fucking anyway, so breaking off your thing with Magalon is just you getting back to who you really are.

A temporary break from sanity, but now you’re returning to who you are.

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max1461 · 7 months ago

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I had a dream last night that I ran for president. In the Democratic primary I won California, Alaska, "Washington" (which was directly north of California) and another state whose name I don't remember because it doesn't actually exist, but it was east of Washington along California's northern border (you have to imagine the two of them shaped approximately like triangles, making up an approximate square directly to CA's north).

There was a brief moment when I was in the lead. I knew it wouldn't last, but I remember capitalizing on the opportunity to proudly tell my parents "I'm the front-runner in the race for president of the United States!". Again, this was supposedly the primary, but I recall the electoral map showing blue for the establishment Democrat, red for the Republican candidate (Trump I think), and yellow for me. So maybe it was the national election; I think this is just one of those dream inconsistencies.

Anyway, for whatever reason me and most of my campaign staff were down in a cave. We didn't have internet access anymore, so I was relying on my campaign manager (who was above ground) to clue me in to what was going on. We were in an upper chamber of the cave, and there had been some kind of near-disaster in a lower chamber where the fire department had to come and rescue a bunch of people who were trapped. I don't remember if any of them were part of my campaign staff. Anyway, as the establishment Democrat took the lead, I remember talking on the phone—a big, thick, 90s-style cellphone—with my campaign manager about what I should do. Should I give some sort of statement to the press about it? Should I congratulate the winner on Twitter? He said no, no, don't worry about it; everyone knows you're down in a cave and don't have service, so they can't possibly expect that.

I have no idea why we were in a cave, if it was intentional or we were stuck there. I guess we were just in a cave!

Anyway, then disaster struck! One of my staffers found a bunch of people in need of rescue in our (upper) chamber of the cave! Now, this wasn't as dire as the earlier rescue. These people were much easier to get to. They were like, sort of hanging upside-down from a horizontally suspended rope, like clothes on a clothes line, basically. I don't know how they got that way but they were in a dire state from hanging upside-down for some long. Some of my staffers insisted they could rescue the people themselves (I think they were worried that calling in the fire department again would be viewed as wasteful and damage my campaign). They managed to get some of the people down from the clothes line. I asked my campaign manager what to do (I was still on the phone with him) and he was like "no, call the fire department!". So he put me through to the fire department and I told them what was going on.

You have to understand throughout these events that I'm like, me. I have no idea how to run an electoral campaign, I'm 100% relying on my campaign manager for every cue, and I'm really nervous about figuring out the proper etiquette for everything. When I was asking him about whether I should congratulate the winner on Twitter you have to imagine it in this sort of tone. Like, first day on the job, nervous "I'm following your lead here" energy. And when I get on the phone with the fire department I'm super awkward (I've never called them before!) and as I'm explaining the situation I'm thinking like "good, good, that was normal, I sound normal to the fire department right now".

Anyway then they come down into the cave and start rescuing people. I get back on the phone with my campaign manager and he tells me confidently "look, here's what we do: on Monday you're gonna give a press conference. You'll announce that your bid for the presidency is over, congratulate the winners, and reiterate your policy positions." I don't remember what else he said about it, but basically this was the most graceful way to end the campaign and keep my political career strong. I was a popular candidate with lots of youth support and energy behind me, so it was gonna be easy to parley that into later success. Now, I didn't want a further political career—this campaign was 100% a one-off—but I agreed the press conference would be a good idea. Unfortunately that would mean I had to write a speech by Monday, which was annoying.

Anyway, the establishment Democrat won in the end, and turns out it was Obama.

Then I woke up.

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centrally-unplanned · 12 days ago

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In my previous post around "ignoring election victories as events-in-themselves" we were memeing about it being a subtweet of Richard Hanania, but as I mentioned at the end it really isn't. And for a bonus reason, he doesn't make that mistake! He has a very explicit theory about "why Trump winning itself won't change the party":

This is an argument, fair enough! But I think it is a pretty bad one. The intellectual journey for this is, imo, the way that Trump beat all of his challengers in the post-2024 environment. People seemed to copy his playbook, he had halfheartedly launched a failed coup, and yet none of it was enough to beat him. It made a lot of people think, "oh, this guy is magic. No one can replace Trump"

The key weakness of this reason is that, yeah, no one can replace Trump - because Trump still exists? He was president. And he is still running for office! That is, in fact, quite normal for how loyal followers work. For them nothing has changed, why would they change? Trump's coalition is definitely not as bright as Obama's coalition so he gets a more extreme version of it, but Obama is still getting glowing reviews and polls well almost a decade out from his presidency era from typical voters. People are naturally sticky this way, it is how we work.

There certainly is more to it - Trump's 2020 lie definitely gave him a sort of narrative throughput to justify extended support for example - but you really don't need more, because this factor goes away when Trump dies. Which he will, pretty soon. And meanwhile what Trump's core wants is probably not going to go away (particularly because it is pretty incoherent). The idea that they will simply be incapable of elevating someone else to the same position is extreme Great Man Theory Brain.

A lot of this buys into this notion of 4D Chess Mastermind Trump but for political charisma, but that is silly. He is a perfectly talented politician in some respects, a charismatic guy, don't get me wrong. But he isn't like a savant; he constantly does weird, alienating shit, and is much worse this campaign as his age is showing. There just isn't any big mystery to why he succeeded (beyond the inherent mysteries of all causation): he was famous and also very committed to being a big liar who gunned for the obvious Republican weaknesses. He was happy telling a motivated base he truly understood their nativist impulses, while promising mainstream Republicans normality and his commitment to things like abortion. Shockingly few Republicans were actually willing to just Come Out And Say It like he did - like really, you can find barely anyone in 2016 who does it.

And meanwhile, Trump is not a popular politician! He isn't at 50/50 because he ran a good campaign, he ran an awful campaign. He is just up against an incredibly unpopular incumbent in a world where incumbents in every country are losing every election. Nikki Haley would have easily done better. A big part of Trump's hand-picked down-ballot candidates doing badly is that he just chose fucking awful ones because he is a dumbass. They weren't awful because they were radicals; they were bad politicians, with ludicrous weaknesses and poor skillsets. What "magic" is there to capture here? The next leading Republican politician will likely do much better than him, unburdened by all his terrible baggage and off-putting behavior.

A next leader who will be leading a party that has now been shaped and molded into one far more comfortable with authoritarianism as a solution to policy gridlock. Maybe they won't value that! Fair, I think that is possible, and even likely. Most people are just generally decent people, and voters generally find this brand off-putting. But saying that it can't happen is complete folly. And we have a laundry list of leading Republicans who have openly embraced election denial to juice those odds, and voters who love to punish incumbents for this-or-that problem of the day.

IMO this is cope, building up Trump to be something far more special than he is. Voters just like authoritarian policies sometimes, and courting that isn't magic. It alas be that way.

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continuations · 2 months ago

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Moderation in Social Networks

First Pavel Durov, the co-founder and CEO of Telegram, was arrested in France, in part due to a failure to comply with moderation requests by the French government. Now we have Brazil banning X/Twitter from the country entirely, also claiming a failure to moderate.

How much moderation should there be on social networks? What are the mechanisms for moderation? Who should be liable for what?

The dialog on answering these questions about moderation is broken because the most powerful actors are motivated primarily by their own interests.

Politicians and governments want to gain back control of the narrative. As Martin Gurri analyzed so well in Revolt of the Public, they resent their loss of the ability to shape public opinion. Like many elites they feel that they know what's right and treat the people as a stupid “basket of deplorables.”

Platform owners want to control the user experience to maximize profits. They want to be protected from liability and fail to acknowledge the extraordinary impact of features such as trending topics, recommended accounts, and timeline/feed selection on people's lives and on societies.

The dialog is also made hard by a lack of imagination that keeps us trapped in incremental changes. Too many people seem to believe that what we have today is more or less the best we will get. That has us bogged down in a trench war of incremental proposals. Big and bold proposals are quickly dismissed as unrealistic.

Finally the dialog is complicated by deep confusions around freedom of speech. These arise from ignoring, possibly willfully, the reasons for and implications of freedom of speech for individuals and societies.

In keeping with my preference for a first principles approach I am going to start with the philosophical underpinnings of freedom of speech and then propose and evaluate concrete regulatory ideas based on those.

We can approach freedom of speech as a fundamental human right. I am human, I have a voice, therefore I have a right to speak.

We can also approach freedom of speech as an instrument for progress. Incumbents in power, whether companies, governments, or religions, don’t like change. Censoring speech keeps new ideas down. The result of suppressed speech is stasis, which ultimately results in decline because there are always problems that need to be solved (such as being in a low energy trap).

But both approaches also imply some limits to free speech.

You cannot use your right to speech to take away the human rights of someone else, for example by calling for their murder.

Society must avoid chaos, such as runaway criminality, massive riots, or in the extreme civil war. Chaos also impedes progress because it destroys the physical, social, and intellectual means of progress (from eroding trust to damaging physical infrastructure).

With these underpinnings we are looking for policies on moderation in social networks that honor a fundamental right but recognize its limitations and help keep society on a path of progress between stasis and chaos. My own proposals for how to accomplish this are bold because I don’t believe that incremental changes will be sufficient. The following applies to open social networks such as X/Twitter. A semi-closed social network such as Telegram where most of the activity takes place in invite-only groups poses additional challenges (I plan to write about this in a follow-up post).

First, banning human network participants entirely should be hard for a network operator and even for government. This follows from the fundamental human rights perspective. It is the modern version of ostracism, but unlike banishing someone from a single city it potentially excludes them from a global discourse. Banning a human user should either require a court order or be the result of a “Community Notes” type system (obviously to make this possible we need some kind of “proof of humanity” system which we will need in any case for lots of other things, such as online government services, and a “proof of citizenship” could be a good start on this – if properly implemented this will support pseudonymous accounts).

Second, networks must provide extensive tools for facilitating moderation by participants. This includes providing full API access to allow third party clients, support for account identity and post authorship assertions through digital signatures to minimize impersonation, and implement at least one “Community Notes” like system for attaching information to content. All of this is to enable as much decentralized avoidance of chaos, starting with maintaining a high level of trust in the source and quality of content.

Third, clients must not display content if that content has been found to violate a law either through a “Community Notes” process or by a court. This should also allow for injunctive relief if that has been ordered by a court. Clients must, however, display a placeholder where that content would have been, with a link to the reason (ideally the decision) on the basis of which it was removed. This will show the extent to which court-ordered content removal is taking place.

What about liability? Social networks and third-party clients that meet the above criteria should not be liable for the content of posts. Neither government nor participants should be able to sue a compliant operator over content.

Social networks should, however, be liable for their owned and operated recommender algorithms, such as trending topics, recommended accounts, algorithmic feeds, etc. Until recently social networks were successfully claiming in court that their algorithms are covered by Section 230, which I believe was an overly broad reading of the law. It is interesting to see that a court just decided that TikTok is liable for suggestions surfaced by its algorithm to a young girl that resulted in her death. I have an idea around viewpoint diversity that should provide a safe harbor and will write about that in a separate post (related to my ideas around an "opposing view" reader and also some of the ways in which Community Notes works).

Getting the question of moderation on social networks right is of utmost importance to preserving progress while avoiding chaos. For those who have been following the development of new decentralized social networks, such as Farcaster and Nostr some of the ideas above will look familiar. The US should be a global leader here given our long history of extensive freedom of speech.

#freedom of speech #social networks #moderation

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shion-yu · 9 months ago

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Not Your Fault (part 1)

Part 1! Alex, Shu’s foster son, is suspended and not feeling well. Ryo is his safe place. For my @badthingshappenbingo space space “Leave Me Alone.” Original work, 2,718 words, no TW, CW mentions of past parental drug use/death, Alex is 13 here.

Alex's mom never cared whether or not he showed up to school as long as he stayed out of her way, so he didn't understand why Shu thought it was such a big deal when he played hooky or cut the classes he didn't like. Now he was being suspended for the third time in the school year since coming to live with Shu, this time for calling the teacher a bitch when she pointed out his absence during fourth period. He'd shown up during her class, so why the hell did she care about the last class? It's not like he had been doing anything bad - he'd been taking a nap in the old science lab nursing a headache that wouldn't go away.

Not that he told them that, but it made him so angry that they assumed he was always up to trouble that he didn't bother. They probably wouldn't have believed him anyways.

He ended up in the office until Shu had to leave work again to talk to the principal and school counselor, and then brought Alex home for the rest of the week where he was to write a formal letter of apology to the teacher. Alex had tried to refuse, but Shu interrupted him loudly saying, "He'll do it," and dragged him home.

The drive back was near silent. Alex crossed his arms defensively and leaned against the door, staring out the window as they drove back to Shu's small two bedroom home. Alex pressed his forehead against the cold glass. It helped the persistent headache a little, but not much. They were just around the block when Shu said, "The principal told me usually the policy is three suspensions in one year and you're out. But given your situation they'll give you one more chance."

Alex could tell Shu wanted him to take this as a sign to shape up, but instead he scowled and said, "Whoop dee doo," with the utmost sarcasm.

Shu winced and was quiet again until they pulled into the driveway of the house. Alex quickly unbuckled and was ready to jump out of the car but Shu said, "Alex, wait."

Listening to Shu was not Alex's forté. He was thirteen and didn't feel like listening to anybody, let alone the prim and proper Shu who just happened to be fostering him. Alex wondered more than once if Shu was just doing it for the check and had decided he'd make it as not-worth it as possible to test that theory. It required no extra work - Alex was always unpleasant without trying.

Alex yanked at the car door handle to exit but Shu hit the automatic locks before he could. "What?" Alex snapped, facing him indignantly. Shu opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked like he couldn't figure out how he wanted to answer Alex. Alex rolled his eyes. This was a waste of time and he didn't have the resolve to wait for idiot Shu any longer. He wanted to get into bed and hide under the covers where he could shut out the whole world. He turned to open the door again when Shu put a hand on his forearm. Alex flinched and pulled it away immediately, gripping his arm with the other hand as if Shu had burned him. "What the fuck? Don't touch me!"

Shu held his hands up defensively. "Sorry, sorry," he said. Alex glared venomously at him. He hated being touched and Shu knew that. "But Alex, please, if you get expelled I don't know if I can keep you. They might take you away from me." Shu sounded like he was pleading and it just made Alex more angry. He didn't want to play this stupid game with Shu; he didn’t want to listen to Shu pretend to care.

"So? I told you to leave me alone," Alex snapped defiantly. "It's not like you're my dad."

"And I'm not trying to be," Shu said. "But I am trying to be your guardian, and that means I want the best for you. One of my coworkers said they took their sister's foster kid away when he got expelled. I don't want that to happen to us."

"Why not?" Alex said, eyes flashing dangerously in anger. "You'd be way happier without me."

"That's not true," Shu said sadly. "I don't want to lose you."

"Why?" Alex challenged him. "I make your life hell when you were living your perfect little suburban life before me."

"It's true that life was easier," Shu said, surprising Alex with his honesty for once. "But it was also empty. You're right, I'm not your dad. But I am your family now and I think you're a really great kid."

Alex looked at Shu like he was insane. "Great kid? I literally just got suspended and the only reason I'm not expelled is ‘coz the principal feels bad I'm messed up." Or Mr. Goodson just thought it was a bad look to expel the kid whose mom died blowing up the meth lab inside their apartment only a few months ago. Alex didn't know and he didn't care. He hated when people felt bad for him. His head pulsed painfully.

“The reason you’re not suspended is because I begged him for one more chance,” Shu said. Oh, so that's what Shu was doing when he took so long just him and Mr. Goodson in the office for like an hour while Alex sat on the bench in the corner picking skin off his cuticles. "I told him I couldn't lose you."

"Lose me? Like a puppy?" Alex snarled. "This is dumb. Get a dog if you're lonely. I'll only hurt you." He opened the door and stalked down the suburban sidewalk with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Where are you going?" He heard Shu’s desperate voice call after him.

"Leave me alone!" Alex shouted, not looking back. His head throbbed and he swallowed back some nausea that had risen to his throat. Ugh, it was still annoyingly cold for early April. Alex shivered and wrapped his arms around himself as he stalked down the street angrily. He needed a cigarette, but this stupid neighborhood wasn't the kind where he could just pay someone at the corner store to buy him some. It was too nice for that shit to fly around here.

Alex walked the three blocks to Ryo's house before remembering Ryo was still at school. It didn't matter, he would still rather be here. Alex scaled the wooden privacy fence easily and then climbed into the tree house that sat in a tree in Ryo's backyard. In the months since they'd become friends, Alex had found this to be his favorite place. Shu didn't know about it and nobody came up here to bother him. It was just him and Ryo, or right now, just him.

Alex felt a chill go through him and he pulled his knees up close to his chest. Usually when they came up here to hang out Ryo would bring a blanket, but they hadn't left one up here this time. Alex coughed into his crossed arms, which reminded him how much his throat and head hurt. The cold, wooden platform was uncomfortable but it was quiet and Alex found his eyes drooping in no time.

Shu definitely thought he was off causing trouble, Alex thought to himself. The guy acted nice, but in the end he was probably the same as all of the adults. Ready to throw him away as soon as he became too inconvenient or got in the way. Shu had lasted a lot longer than Alex had expected, but it wouldn’t be for much longer at this rate.

"Alex?"

Alex startled awake to find Ryo at the entrance of the treehouse, peering at him curiously. "What're you doing here?" Alex mumbled.

"It's my backyard," Ryo laughed and climbed the rest of the way in. He sat in front of Alex cross legged. "You're shivering."

"S'cold."

"It's not that cold," Ryo said, frowning. He took off his own jacket and wrapped it around Alex. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Alex grunted. "Suspended again. Is school already over?"

"Yeah," Ryo said. "Mom told me Shu called the house to see if you were here. She said you weren't, but she didn't check up here."

Alex managed a thin smile. "But you knew to check?"

"Course," Ryo grinned back. They looked at each other for a long moment which was broken only by Alex quickly ducking his face into his elbow and sneezing loudly.

"Heeee' etchiew! Guh..."

The congestion that the sneeze moved around tickled Alex's throat and he began to cough roughly. Ryo grimaced. "Let's go to my bedroom," he said. "You don't look so good."

"I'mb find," Alex said stuffily, his voice betraying him. He shivered, his body also doing him no favors in hiding his apparent unwellness. *"Don't you have homew - wah... W'etchiew! Ugh. Homb worgk?"

"I won't be able to concentrate on it knowing you're up here sick," Ryo said, ignoring Alex's immediate retort of "Ndot sick." "You can warm up in my bed, how's that?" The temptation of being under the covers in Ryo's comfy bed was too much when Alex was feeling so cold and achy, so he gave in and they climbed down from the treehouse one by one.

Ryo led Alex into the house. His mom was in the kitchen and looked at Alex, a little startled. Alex knew she wasn't the biggest fan of him, the new brooding bad boy hanging around her golden child. But she wasn't mean either. "Alex! Shu called looking for you."

Alex waved one hand in the air noncommittally, coughing into the other arm. "Can we have some hot chocolate mom?" Ryo asked. "We're gonna go study in my room."

"Sure honey. After I call Shu back," she said. Alex groaned internally. This meant that Shu would be at Ryo's doorstep in about ten minutes to drag him home. He wanted to take a real nap in Ryo's bed, not get nagged by Mr. Goody Two-shoes again. He'd take what he could get though and followed Ryo upstairs. He dove under the covers of Ryo's bed right away, shivering.

Ryo looked at him worriedly. "Hang on," he said, darting to the bathroom and coming back with a thermometer. "See if you have a fever?"

Alex just burrowed himself deeper under Ryo's covers, grunting, "It doesn't matter. Just let me sleep." Ryo made a pouting face but didn't push it. He sat at his desk and pulled out his school work as Alex tried to warm up, but the cold had made it down to his bones and his whole body hurt. He tried to keep from shivering as much as he could, but every few seconds a strong one would escape and wrack his entire body.

Ryo's bed smelled like him. It was strangely comforting. They had become friends rather quickly when Alex had transferred into Ryo's school that November after being placed with Shu. Alex was grouchy and sullen and refused to talk, while Ryo was constantly smiling. At first Alex tried to ignore his overly eager classmate, but opposites attracted and somehow they became an unlikely, but inseparable, pair. Ryo always just seemed to know what Alex wanted, even if Alex refused to admit it himself. He was good at talking on Alex's behalf and treated Alex like a normal person rather than a feral animal to be poked with a yardstick. He was cheeky and loud and annoying, but Alex stuck with him for reasons he didn't quite understand. Ryo just made him feel safer and he never asked any questions about his past.

Alex didn't realize he'd fallen asleep until he heard Shu's voice murmuring in low tones. He was finally warm and comfortable hidden under Ryo's sheets, he didn't want to leave... He waited for Shu to pull back the covers, but he didn't. Alex's eyes grew heavy again and before he knew it, he'd drifted back asleep.

It was dark when Alex finally emerged, stiff and coughing. Thick gunk was coming up now, making it hard to deny he'd moved from the sniffles into a full blown chest cold. He groaned and sat up, looking around. He was alone in the bedroom, but he could hear voices downstairs. He wrapped the throw blanket around himself and slunk down the stairs, looking for Ryo. Alex found him sitting at the dinner table with his parents and Shu, laughing. Confused, Alex thought maybe he was still dreaming. But Ryo noticed him immediately and let out a happy, "Alex!"

Alex blinked at the scene. "What's going on?" He asked hesitantly. The adults were all eyeing him with something close to pity. Ryo jumped up and dragged another chair to the table from the kitchen, patting it for Alex to sit down in.

"I didn't want to wake you up," Shu explained. "Ryo said you have a fever. How do you feel?"

"Fine," Alex lied, sitting in his newly designated chair next to Ryo. In reality he looked pretty miserable, blonde hair sticking up in all directions, nose red, voice stuffy and eyes bloodshot. He hadn't felt this sick this morning, he thought. Maybe the nap outside in the treehouse while he was already coming down with something hadn't been such a good idea.

"Are you hungry?" Ryo's mom asked. Alex shook his head no. The others seemed like they were about done and Shu stood up.

"Shall we get going?" He asked Alex, looking at Alex hopefully. Alex shrugged. It was as close to a yes as Shu was going to get. Shu thanked Ryo's parents repeatedly and Ryo gave Alex a quick hug. This was a new thing, and Ryo was the only person allowed to do it. Alex and Shu went to Shu's car and Shu drove them home.

"Mrs. Fujioka said you're welcome any time, but you ought to let me know first," Shu said. "I'd appreciate that too. I won't say no. Ryo's a good kid."

'Unlike me,' Alex supplied silently. He coughed, wincing when it sounded much wetter than the one he'd woken up with it. He'd managed to avoid Shu at breakfast so Shu wouldn't notice, but there was no point in hiding it now.

"You sound like you need to be in bed," Shu glanced at him, frowning. "How long have you been feeling sick?"

Alex didn't answer. Yesterday after school he'd started feeling off though, and he was pretty sure he'd had a fever and chills last night too because it had been impossible to get warm.

Shu sighed. "Alex, if you hadn't felt well you didn't have to go to school," he said. Alex shrugged. He hadn't wanted Shu to know, because he hadn't wanted to answer tedious questions exactly like this. "You can talk to me," Shu added.

Alex had heard so many people say that in his life who absolutely did not mean it. He wouldn't start believing it now, even if Shu was nice and never seemed to get mad at him no matter what trouble he stirred up. It was a miracle really - Alex wasn't sure he'd ever met someone as patient as Shu. He was still wary though, because that could always change someday, couldn't it?

They parked in the driveway and went into the house. Shu asked him if he was hungry again and Alex shook his head no. He just wanted to sleep. He changed into pajamas and crawled into his own bed, regretting it wasn't as warm as Ryo's had felt. Shu came in with a glass of water and two Tylenol, which he offered Alex. Alex downed them wordlessly and then flopped under the covers.

"Come get me if you feel worse, or if you need anything,” Shu told him. Once again, no answer. Alex had no intentions of going to get Shu like a little kid. He had taken care of himself for thirteen years just fine - a little cold wasn’t going to push him over the edge. He waited for Shu to leave the room before he fell asleep thinking about how Ryo had hugged him and how warm it had felt.

Part 2

#shionwrites #sickfic #parental relationship #bad things happen bingo #oc: alex #oc: ryo #oc: shu #whump #fever whump #illness whump #flu whump #sicknario #leave me alone #male cold #sick whump #minor whump #OC sickfic

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justinspoliticalcorner · 3 months ago

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Jonathan Cohn at HuffPost:

One of the Biden administration’s biggest legislative setbacks came when Democratic leaders had to give up on their “caregiving” agenda. The idea had been to transform everyday life for tens of millions of Americans by guaranteeing access to child care and paid leave, as well as home care for seniors and people with disabilities. And while the concept enjoyed plenty of support among high-ranking officials, few (if any) made it as much of a priority as Vice President Kamala Harris.

Harris had championed all three policies as early as the presidential transition, according to several sources inside and outside the White House who spoke with HuffPost. Later, Harris and her advisers advocated internally for including major new investments as part of what eventually became known as the “Build Back Better” legislation. “Her policy team really fought for it,” said Ai-jen Poo, who, as president of the National Workers Alliance, worked closely with the administration. And when efforts to enact the reforms eventually came up short because two members of the Senate Democratic caucus wouldn’t vote yes on the full legislative package, Harris made sure her allies knew the fight wasn’t over. “The vice president personally said to me that she is really committed to moving this agenda forward,” Poo said, “that she’s not going to give up, and we shouldn’t give up, either.” At the time, it felt like a promise for what President Joe Biden might pursue in a second term if he got one. Now, with Biden stepping aside and Harris the Democrats’ presumptive 2024 nominee, Poo cites that statement as one of several signs Harris would make caregiving a priority if she wins in November.

That feels like a pretty good bet. Election Day is less than four months away, Inauguration Day less than two months after that. But the unique circumstances of this campaign mean the elements of Harris’ prospective agenda are less clear than they normally would be at this point, at least by Democratic Party standards. On the one hand, Harris is part of an incumbent administration, running on its record and previously announced plans for new initiatives. But while Harris has certainly helped to shape both, she has never been the ultimate decision-maker. It’s safe to assume Harris has some different ideas about what to do or, at least, how to prioritize. Had there been a normal primary campaign, Harris would have sketched out that governing vision.

That never happened, and it’s probably not going to happen now. With her candidacy not even two weeks old, plus a running mate still to name and a convention still to stage, Harris doesn’t have the time to put together a bunch of new policies, let alone introduce them with speeches, white papers and expert testimonials. Her press team, meanwhile, isn’t saying much about policy ― except to confirm that Harris is no longer committed to some of the more progressive positions of her 2020 presidential bid, like promising to ban fracking or promoting a kinda-sorta-Medicare-for-All plan. Not that big new agenda pronouncements would get a ton of attention anyway. Threats to democracy and attacks on abortion rights are understandably much bigger preoccupations right now, and for much of the electorate, the most important thing about Harris is that she would fight both.

But Harris could win, putting her in a position to lay out a legislative agenda. And there’s plenty of reason to think caregiving initiatives would be a bit part of that, including the fact that policy conditions — in particular, the expiration of Trump-era tax cuts that could free up trillions in new funding — could give Harris a shot at ambitious, even historic reforms if she has a willing Congress to go along. “She could walk away from that first term saying that I brought America its first paid family leave and universal pre-K, and a refundable child tax credit that basically ends child poverty ― that’d be a hell of a legacy,” Bharat Ramamurti, former deputy director of the National Economic Council, told HuffPost. “That’s really within grasp.”

The political environment has shifted a lot since then, with challenges tied to care for children, elders and people with disabilities getting more attention. A driving force behind this shift has been the arrival of so many more women in so many more positions of authority. Kamala Harris is one of them. The well-being of children has been an area of focus ever since she was a district attorney in San Francisco and, later, the attorney general for California. Her legacy in the state includes the creation of a Bureau for Children’s Justice, which used the attorney general’s authority to investigate and (when appropriate) punish private and public sector organizations that serve children. Harris’ work to protect foster kids and juveniles in the justice system won praise from child welfare advocates, although an initiative to prosecute parents of truant children drew sharp criticism. (Harris later said she had regrets about it.)

[...]

Stories Of Working Mothers, Including Hers

Harris took an even bigger swing when she signed on to the “FAMILY Act,” a Democratic bill to guarantee paid leave — and then, as part of her presidential bid for 2020, rolled out an even more ambitious proposal that envisioned six months of paid leave. “I’ve been saying she is, in a lot of ways, the strongest paid leave elected [official] or candidate we’ve ever seen,” said Dawn Huckelbridge, founding director of Paid Leave for All. To make the case for paid leave, Harris frequently invokes the story of somebody close to her heart: her mother, who in her final years was battling cancer. “These issues have always been part of her agenda,” said Vicki Shabo, a longtime gender equity policy expert now at New America’s Better Life Lab (though speaking in her personal capacity, not for the organization). “She talks about her mother, her mother being such an important influence, and then pivots to her mother being sick and needing to care for her.” As a senator, Harris also cosponsored the Child Care for Working Families proposal, which sought to create “universal child care” by giving states enough money to cap child care costs for any family at 7% of household income. It was a vision for the largest expansion of the welfare state since the Affordable Care Act, one that would require hundreds of billions of dollars of new government spending in just the first 10 years.

[...]

The Caregiving Agenda’s Policy Questions

One reason to think these interests might carry over into a Harris presidency is that she has made early, clear references to both child care and paid leave in her speeches since becoming the presumptive Democratic nominee. [...] But actually passing major legislation on any element of the care agenda, let alone the entire package, would require more than commitment. It would require settling on the right policies — and rounding up enough votes. [...] The latter would obviously be a lot easier if Democrats get a majority in the House while holding on to the Senate ― which, although hardly likely, is certainly possible. If Democrats do keep control of the Senate, they will no longer have to deal with the two most conservative caucus members (Democrats-turned-independents Joe Manchin from West Virginia and Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona), who stood in the way of passing Build Back Better’s care agenda last time. Democrats would also have some money at their disposal, thanks to the looming expiration of the massive tax cuts Donald Trump signed into law when he was president.

[...]

The Message And The Messenger

Harris’ ability to manage such a situation with Congress ― or any situation with Congress ― is arguably the biggest question mark on her resume because it’s a skill that even gifted politicians take time to master. And Harris, frankly, hasn’t had that much time. She had been in the Senate for just two years when she announced she was running in the 2020 presidential election. During her unsuccessful bid to win the Democratic nomination, she struggled to explain and defend her health care plan in ways that raised questions about whether she fully understood ― or believed in ― what she was proposing. And while she’s now had three-plus years in the White House, it was Biden, the veteran legislator, who took the bulk of the negotiating portfolio. Harris, by most accounts, spent more of her time coordinating with outside groups or steering policy from within the White House.

But a big part of passing legislation is selling the product to Congress, to interest groups, and ultimately, to the public at large. And as Harris’ supporters are fond of noting, winning over everyday Americans is a lot like winning over a jury — a skill Harris demonstrated back in her prosecutor days. “When we were advocating for changes that we were seeking,” Martin said, “she really pressed us as staff to be able to not speak like the policy wonks that we are ― to be able to translate what we were talking about so that people in the midst of their busy lives could understand why it was important, how it would be important to them, how it would be important for other people and have impacts on our economy or our society.”

If Kamala Harris is elected as President, she will give priority to child chare, paid leave, and home care issues.

Read the full story at HuffPost.

#Kamala Harris #2024 Presidential Election #2024 Elections #Build Back Better #Paid Leave #Child Care #Home Care

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tomorrowusa · 12 days ago

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Surprisingly, Speaker "MAGA Mike" Johnson is going out of his way to help Democrats. While some in the MAGA mob have been concentrating on hate speech and disparagement of Puerto Ricans, Johnson has been reminding voters of the MAGA intention to kill Obamacare.

Team Trump is already having a difficult week in the Keystone State thanks to a crude racist joke about Puerto Rico that one of Trump’s comedian buddies told at his wild Madison Square Garden rally, which is not going over well among the pivotal bloc of Puerto Rican voters in northeastern Pennsylvania. Now, Harris has gotten a helping hand in the same vicinity from none other than House Speaker Mike Johnson, as NBC News reports: «« House Speaker Mike Johnson took a dig at Obamacare during an event in Pennsylvania on Monday, telling a crowd there will be “massive” health care changes in America if Donald Trump wins the election. “Health care reform’s going to be a big part of the agenda. When I say we’re going to have a very aggressive first 100 days agenda, we got a lot of things still on the table,” Johnson, R-La., said in Bethlehem while campaigning for GOP House candidate Ryan Mackenzie, according to video footage obtained by NBC News. “No Obamacare?” one attendee asked Johnson, referring to the law Democrats passed in 2010, also known as the Affordable Care Act. “No Obamacare,” Johnson responded, rolling his eyes. “The ACA is so deeply ingrained, we need massive reform to make this work and we got a lot of ideas on how to do that.” »»

Yep, "no Obamacare" is part of the Donald Trump–Mike Johnson–Elon Musk agenda in keeping with Project 2025.

This is what killing Obamacare entails.

Taking a “blowtorch” to health-care regulations that ensure coverage for preexisting conditions and limit price discrimination probably isn’t what swing voters hope for in a Trump administration billing itself as offering a return to American greatness. And the Harris campaign is surely grateful that Trump’s loyal congressional ally is making it known. Could that be the “little secret” Trump cryptically said he and Johnson would reveal after the election? If so, the Speaker spilled the beans at the wrong place and the wrong time.

People casting so called "protest votes" against Democrats put themselves on the same side as reactionaries like Speaker Johnson who would turn the healthcare clock back to the 1950s.

Even worse, Trump would give anti-vaxxer conspiracy nut RFK Jr. a major role in a major role in shaping healthcare policy.

Trump’s plan to radically remake government with RFK Jr. and Elon Musk is coming into view

As bad as you think a second Trump administration would be, the reality will be far worse.

#obamacare #killing obamacare #mike johnson #healthcare #donald trump #elon musk #rfk jr.#election 2024 #vote blue no matter who

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solarishashernoseinabook · 8 months ago

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Could you expand on what you said in a post about libraries about the big 5 publishers screwing over libraries in terms of digital lending rights?? I’ve not heard of that at *all* and im generally pretty caught up on publisher news, so I think theres a pretty big library-shaped hole in my sources lol

All righty, a couple disclaimers here. One, this is from a Canadian library perspective, so idk how well it applies to the US. Two, I don't work in the collections department at my library, so I'm basing this off what I remember from class years ago

(also clarifying that I'll be referring to ebooks and audiobooks collectively as digital books just to make it easier)

But in short, the Big Five publishers only very reluctantly put up with libraries having physical books, and one of the reasons they do that is because only one person can have a physical book at a time. Digital books, though? Why, if a library has a copy of one of those, hundreds of people could read it at a time! That's profits they're losing! How terrible!

But, well, selling to libraries is still a sale, so the companies sell to them but restrict it as much as possible. One, libraries pay much more for digital books than your average consumer. I don't have the exact number, but it's significantly higher. Two, unlike a physical book, which a library can have rebound if it's popular but hard to find, and which could conceivably last years if it's hardcover or paperback binding, digital books have severe limits on them. Maybe the library can only buy one "copy" of a digital book - i.e., only one patron can use it at a time. That digital copy artificially expires after 20 loans or 2 years, whichever comes first. Got a waitlist of 50 people waiting to read the latest Alexander McCall Smith book? Too bad! 30 of them are gonna have to go without! Do you have a moderately popular book by Danielle Steel, which gets borrowed every couple of months? Sorry! You've had it for two years, so it's gone now! Better buy a new copy!

Now, this is the case on digital platforms like Libby/Overdrive. Each digital book acts the same as a physical book, except that most of them go away after a certain amount of time. Certain public domain books might be a one-time buy for libraries, but for the most part, every loan, every week that goes by is chipping away at a digital book's life. Certain digital platforms - Hoopla, for example - have what's called "simultaneous use" policies - maybe you only have one ebook copy of a book by Agatha Christie, but every library patron can read it at once. The trade-off for this is that my library has to pay a certain amount for every person currently reading or listening to a book on Hoopla. We have a daily budget that can't be exceeded. Every week we field calls from people who, one afternoon, wanted to open up Hoopla, but were told they couldn't take out any books - because too many of my library's 40 000 active patrons had also decided to enjoy a book that day. And not every publisher even allows simultaneous use licenses, or they don't allow it on all of their titles

A final reminder to this very long post: please do not boycott Libby or Hoopla over this, I beg of you. Your libraries are pouring a lot of money into them because they're being used. Instead, put pressure on the big five publishers to make their digital books accessible, and vote in your municipal elections to get libraries more funding so we have more budget to put into those items. An easy way to increase your library's funding is just to spend a bit of time a week in there. Hang out with your friend for a few hours, just walk in and look at the shelves, or sit there and use their free wifi to play games on your phone. Digital books are here to stay, and libraries are important for getting those books into people's hands

#long post #libraries #if i made any errors pls lemme know #i'm remembering what we were taught in class but this was...er 2019 or 2020 or so #it might've changed since then but tbh probably not for the better #asks

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corvidcrybaby · 7 months ago

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I must know more about Judah and Rabbi Loew! Please tell me who they're all about. What are their connections to Zemira?

EEEEE TYSM FOR THE ASK I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE ASS RESPONSE.......!!! I'm glad someone finds them interesting, they're easily the hardest part of Lesions of a Different Kind to write but I find them so deeply moving and fun to explore. I'm gonna copypaste some info from a fucking essay I wrote a friend regarding Judah.

JUDAH

Judah the Hammer is based directly off of the real historical figure of Judah Maccabee, the inspired guerrilla commander who was the mastermind behind much of the Jewish victories during the Maccabean Revolt. This was a real historical event in the 160's BC which saw a Judean revolt oust the Hellenic Seleucid Empire from its control over Judea, and an end to their Hellenization policies which threatened to erase the lion's share of Jewish traditions and identity at the time. The holiday of Hanukkah commemorates this story and the miracle of the oil.

In my Hellsing fic, Judah is the primary antagonist. Rather than dying in his suicide charge at Elasa, this version of Judah was turned into a vampire, and still walks the Earth. This event thoroughly shattered his worldview and his understanding of his role in it. As the antag, he forms an important foil with Alucard, because Alucard did much the same shit that Judah did - guerrilla warfare waged against a larger, more powerful empire, complete with being remembered as a total brute of a man - with the major difference being that Judah's war was victorious. He just didn't get to live to see it.

When I set out to design the prime antag for Lesions it was a tough call. I knew I wanted it to be an 'ancient world' vampire, and I wanted to keep up the trend of a historical figure being a vampire such as with Alucard and Erzsebet - which, yes, I like Hirano's other project Drifters quite a lot, don't @ me LOL. But then I also decided I wanted it to be personal to Zemira in some way, shape or form in such a way that would challenge her in a meaningful way and also be her worst nightmare incarnate. I was really hesitant to go there with this character for obvious reasons, but then I remembered that part of why I love Hellsing so much is that it isn't afraid to go there and tackle the uncomfortable topics in these big grandiose orgies of violence and philosophizing and grand tragedy. And I got to wondering about the dynamics between a medieval warlord like Vlad III and a warlord from antiquity like Judah Maccabee and how they would differ and relate to and from one another, and decided that that topic and the way people lionize historical figures and re-interpret them to fit the needs of their time. I've always found that topic intriguing as a historian because I first and foremost consider it folly, no matter what argument you're trying to make with them. But on the other hand, these were real people whose actions shaped the world we live in now, and I suppose I wanted to explore with the horrific matrix we call vampirism might do to a man like Judah, and how it would highlight and distort his character traits. I also, of course, wanted to make him a foil that Alucard could face down that would enhance his appreciation for Zemira's traits that are so distinctly hers (her rebellious attitude, her tenacious-to-the-point-of-stupidity tendencies, her disregard for power structures that don't respect her, et cetera) while also giving Zemira a "this you???" kind of antag that will make her question herself and grow into a stronger person.

Judah is an embodiment of Jewish rage. All the trauma, all the anger, all the suffering and all the cruel irony of two thousand years of antisemitism coalesced onto the shoulders of a single man. A man who, to his own community, is controversial and complicated. A cautionary tale to some, an inspiration to others. Sometimes for good reasons, other times for bad - but always drawing from the same core story of who Judah the Hammer was and what he did.

So from the time of his turning, Judah took it upon himself to wander the Earth as a foul-tempered arbiter of retribution for the horrors the Gentile world inflicts onto Jews. For every Jew murdered in a hate crime, he would take the life of a Gentile - with a particular hyperfixation on Europeans, as these were his sworn enemy in life, and that hatred extends particularly to Christianity, who he views as the torchbearers of Hellenic influence and outright calls them cultists; he's definitely disappeared plenty of villages throughout the rest of the world, mind you, definitely destroyed some mosques, but his main tunnelvision is upon Europe. I feel like if he were to put forward an insane Old Man Conspiracy Theory, it would be that Jesus was actually a Hellenized Jew or some shit like that and therefore a Greek and therefore the enemy. He is an ancient vampire and every bit the giga-powerful behemoth you'd expect from a being his age, but he chafes at the body he inhabits and has never fully accepted that he is what he is now (meaning he and Zemira both know what it's like to exist in a body that isn't home to them). He exists in the role of a spirit of temptation, but is in fact ace, and generally hates being touched. Oftentimes he wouldn't even kill for food, and in fact, still despises drinking blood and has never truly acclimated to it, only drinking from people he considered deplorable enough to take into himself and weaponize against their kindred, be it as a thrall or as something to simply sustain his existence. He prefers to carry and eat bones, as he dislikes waste and excess, and considers drinking blood to be a gross indulgence.

Is he grandiose, or pathetic? Tragic hero, or petty opportunist? DId he truly take up this mantle of being a spirit of vengeance out of a belief it was G-d's intention for him, or did he window-shop a hypothesis for an event (his turning) that he had no control over and traumatized him deeper than he could ever hope to recover from? Is he to blame for his callous reduction of peoples' lives to political 'gotchas', or is that a product of his time that anyone on a high horse about their morals would have fallen into as well? Does his vampirism make him a monster, or was he monstrous before an infectious Nosferatu's fangs got anywhere near him?

There aren't a lot of clear answers in the text about this because I mostly use him to pose difficult questions to the cast of Lesions, and how they react to him determines much of who and what they are. He's extremely difficult to write well and I've rewritten his scenes more often than any other characters, but I love him.

Yet even with all this grim characterization, Judah is a character that is just an endless blast to write for and daydream about. Whereas Alucard is all pomp and circumstance, elegance and dramatism, Judah is rugged, foul-mouthed just like Zemi, and with a crotchety old man mean streak a mile wide. When he moves about, his body acts like it's being controlled by a drunken puppeteer - very 'HOW DO I DRIVE THIS THING???' energy, because vampirism in Hellsing is often framed in Christian terms. Therefore, as a Jew, it's really hard for him to acclimate to it, and his fight scenes have major Drunk Monk energy. The text calls him "a boulder of a man" as opposed to Alucard's gracile and lanky build, and is shorter than him at six-foot-even (since people used to be smaller in the ancient world, generally).

He's an angry old man, he's a dude who's sad that his little brother died in front of him, he's your orthodox uncle with a bad attitude who tries to corner you at the family function to tell you how you're off the derech, he's Oscar the Grouch in vampire form, and his fight scenes are shockingly violent. Alucard kills people and makes a spectacle of it, but Judah's kills read like you found a video of a guy bludgeoning a fellow inmate to death with a lead pipe in a high-security prison that got released on Liveleak or something.

Also, my voiceclaim for him is Brok from God of War: Ragnarok.

He's a dick, but it's hard to look away whenever he's talking. And I love him for it. <3

RABBI LOEW

Shifting gears here, Rabbi Loew is, much like Judah, the very same Rabbi Loew as the real person who is fabled to have created the legendary Golem of Prague - in my Hellsing fic, he's done just that, and still resides in what looks to be a decrepit old mansion in Prague, but will reveal itself as a safe haven for Jews who are in a bad spot. He's essentially the Prophet Elijah figure of the story - he appears to people along with his golem in scenarios where they are deeply and truly lost and in need of guidance, giving them a comforting nudge in the direction they need. He's a repository for endless depths of knowledge, and opposed to the rest of the Hellsing cast who are so fond of carrying themselves with over-the-top aesthetic maximalism, Rabbi Loew is very simple, very soft-spoken, and although he can absolutely get angry and does so in the story, he hardly ever raises his voice. He's part of an important web of foils that includes Rabbi Loew & his golem (simply named Guard in the text) versus Integra and Alucard, as well as how he represents a defunct, dead-in-the-water version of the Integra/Alucard boss and servant bond due to his complicated and fraught relationship with Judah.

Rabbi Loew actually contributed some of magical binding seals used to tie Alucard to the Hellsing family, which furthers the golem parallel so core to the story. But the elephant in the room here is that Rabbi Loew does not have Judah bound in a similar manner. Judah comes and goes from the mansion in Prague at random. Usually, he swings by just to rest for a bit, and maybe pick a few obnoxious arguments with Rabbi Loew. There is a great deal of uncertainty in how they interact. On the one hand, Judah is four times Rabbi Loew's age, but the latter actually looks like an old man, where as Judah looks around his mid-to-late-fifties, and is found of calling him "Old Guy." Rabbi Loew is, well, a fucking Rabbi, and therefore commands a certain kind of deference and respect amongst most Jews, especially as a legendary figure - but Judah is a figure even more legendary in Jewish history, and comes from a time in which Rabbinic Judaism was not the standard (Second Temple Judaism, to be specific), thus meaning they are separated by time in more ways than one. I think secretly both persons look to the other for inspiration, but are always saddened and frustrated by what they find. Judah finds Rabbi Loew to be overly passive and toothless, despite their first meeting being Rabbi Loew coming upon the Hammer brutalizing and torturing a Cossack to death in a shockingly violent manner, and saying "Not that I'm opposed to cracking a few skulls when push comes to shove, but don't you think this is a bit much?" And despite Judah's dislike for the old Rabbi's attitude, he often finds himself yielding when Rabbi Loew checks him on his brutality. But when his Rabbi isn't around, Judah continues on his usual sporadic outbursts of vengeful violence on Gentile communities, believing that if he was cursed with vampirism, then he must become like one of the Plagues of Egypt itself. HaShem did terrible things in the name of justice then, and Judah sees himself as one of those further terrible necessities, instead of his own person.

Rabbi Loew hates this.

Rabbi Loew looks at Judah and thinks of how much good a person like him could do with the mind-blowing powers of vampirism at his disposal. The lives he could save, the atrocities he could prevent, the connections he could build and foster, if he so chose to do so. But Judah doesn't do that. Judah is resigned to being the Hammer of Israel, the Lion of Judea, the Beast of the Levant. He is so deep in a haze of dissociation that he sometimes believes everything around him is the nightmarish hallucination of a dying man (as though he's on an acid trip that never ended) that he doesn't at all consider that maybe he could make this extended lifespan of his mean something. He doesn't consider that wandering the Earth and murdering Gentiles to "keep the score even" isn't actually helpful. He thinks it's beyond his purview. And Rabbi Loew can't help but keep trying to Uncle Iroh this touchy motherfucker into a healthier headspace, but I think both men know that the old Rabbi doesn't have what it takes to truly get through to Judah. And so, detente. They share space and company and do care for one another, but it's a doomed friendship that can't go much deeper than that.

Because at the end of the day, just like any real Rabbi, Rabbi Loew is just a man. There are bells and whistles that call it into question (such as his unnatural long life, which I won't address here due to spoilers), but he's just an old fellow, doing his best to make the world a slightly less cruel place.

He gets the least engagement, but I love him too.

#THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK I WROTE A WHOLE ACADEMIC ESSAY BAHAHAHAHA I HOPE THIS ISN'T TOO MUCH TO THROW IN YOUR FACE #hellsing #hellsing fanfiction #hellsing oc #my ocs #lesions of a different kind #rabbi loew #judah the hammer #hellsing fanart #ask box

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2nd2ndalto · 11 days ago

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what if there were two (side by side in orbit)

***NB there are two parts to this chapter since it was too big for one Tumblr post!!***

I started writing this fic a year ago to the day!! It's hard to fathom. And it's still not done! Haha, sob.

TW for Luke being a huge dick. In canon, I don’t have particularly strong feelings about Luke & I feel there’s a lot of potential nuance to his character. But for my X-Files purposes, I just needed a bad guy. My apologies to any Luke stans.

Chapter 6 (part 1 of 2)

(chapter 5 here)

April 1999

“Nico, look what arrived,” Will announces, bouncing back into the office.

Nico looks up, hopeful. “Is it my new three-hole punch?”

Will looks thrilled enough that it just might be the three-hole punch.

“Even better,” Will says. He pulls up a chair next to Nico and begins attempting to open a cardboard box. Smaller than a bread box, probably the wrong shape for a three-hole punch. Damn.

Nico watches Will struggle for a good thirty seconds before snatching the box away, grabbing a letter opener and easily slitting the packing tape. He hands the box back, one eyebrow raised.

Will just grins like an idiot. “My hero.”

There’s yet another box inside the first, and Will, very sensibly, hands it over before he can try breaking into it.

“Oh. It’s a… camera?” Nico says, confused. The X-Files already has a camera. It’s been serving Nico well for years. He’s rather attached to it, honestly. The little device has seen better days, but it’s small and sleek, fitting in his coat pocket and into the cradle of his hands like it was custom made.

“It’s a digital camera,” Will says, taking the box back once Nico’s cut the tape.

“Oh –”

“So you don’t need film! Plus you can take a photo, and see it right away on the little screen.” Will looks delighted.

Nico nods in recognition. “Yeah, Frank’s got one of those. That’s cool.”

Nico doesn’t think he’s ready to retire his film camera yet, despite its sometimes-reluctance to power on and the little piece of electrical tape holding the battery door shut. But maybe Will can use the new camera. He seems intent to try, anyway. Prodding at it for a moment, Will manages to turn the thing on, then aims it at Nico, pressing a button. The camera makes a fancy little digital beep.

“Hey,” Nico protests, scowling. He tries to shove the camera out of the way, but Will’s already lowered it to his lap, poking at the buttons.

“Aww,” Will exclaims. He turns the camera to Nico and yes, sure enough, there’s Nico on the tiny screen, looking blindsided and five-o’clock-shadowed.

“Amazing. What a time to be alive,” Nico says, flat. “Now delete that immediately. I know you can, I’ve seen Frank do it.”

Will shakes his head, trying and utterly failing to maintain a straight face. “No can do, this model doesn’t have that function.”

“Fuck you,” Nico complains, reaching for the camera. But Will pulls it away, fumbling and almost dropping it. Will’s eyes go wide as he catches it just before it smashes to the floor. Nico snorts.

“One of the best things about digital cameras,” Will is saying, continuing to keep the thing out of Nico’s reach, aided by his unfairly long arms, “is that you can take as many pictures as you want!”

Nico smirks. “Because you can just delete the ones you don’t like?”

Will freezes, looking hilariously caught-out, and Nico laughs. “It’s cool, anyway,” Nico says. “I heard the Bureau was getting them.”

Nico regards Will for a moment, his partner now carefully lining up possibly-artistic shots of the mess on Nico’s desk, the empty coffee maker, his own shoes.

“Wonder how long before the Bureau writes up a new policy about agents not using the cameras for personal photos,” Nico muses aloud, thinking of all the possibilities. Not possibilities for him. But maybe for others. It’s his job to think of what other people might do, okay?

Will binks in confusion for a moment before turning abruptly, adorably pink. Nico laughs, pretending his own face isn’t also warming.

“Oh god,” Will says.

“Exactly.”

Something seems to occur to Will. “Hey, now we can take pictures of us together!” he exclaims.

Nico sighs. He somehow didn’t see that coming, though he probably should have. “Because we couldn’t have done that before?”

But Will’s already scooting his chair up next to Nico, leaning in while he holds the camera out in front of them, lens aimed in sort-of their general direction. “Say cheese,” Will says.

Nico tries to look as unimpressed as he can manage. It turns out not to make any difference anyway, because when Will checks the camera, it’s captured a blurry shot of the wall behind them, a flash of gold at the bottom of the frame that might be Will’s hair.

“Damn it,” Will frowns, shamelessly deleting the image. “We need to get closer.”

“Not sure that was really the issue,” Nico mutters to no avail as Will comes in even closer. Nico’s gotten accustomed to Will’s lack of personal space over the months, has gotten to appreciate it, mostly. But this happens so fast and somehow Nico finds himself unprepared – for Will’s arm, tight around his shoulders, Will’s warm cheek suddenly smushed against his.

His whole body warms; tingling heat accompanied by the sudden, intense desire for more, aching like an open wound. Nico’s desperately hoping it doesn’t show on his face, when Will snaps the picture.

Will’s touch is gone just as fast – too fast – as he moves back, flips the camera to look at the photo. Something softens in Will’s expression, and he doesn’t speak for a moment.

“What?” Nico asks, nervous about it now.

“We look –” Will shakes his head, smiling. “It’s – just a good camera.”

Nico reaches for the camera and Will passes it over. It is a good photo. There’s Will, beaming like an idiot, looking somehow thrilled to be pressed up against Nico. And Nico looks… content. Maybe a little harassed, but happy. He’s not smiling, but there’s a quirk to his lips. A warmth in his eyes.

And the weirdest thing is – they don’t just look good individually. They look good together. Like the two of them add up to more than the sum of their parts. It’s as if, seven months ago, there was a Will and a Nico. And now there’s a them. How did that happen, without Nico realizing?

“I’m gonna print that one,” Will says, a bit softer. He takes the camera back.

“Sure,” Nico agrees, as cool as he can. “We can put it right next to the picture of my fish.”

Will looks pleased. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Nico turns back to his desk, shuffling papers unnecessarily.

Will stands, glancing at his watch. “Oh, it’s almost five. Wanna walk me to the train?”

More often than not these days, they leave the office together, deep in conversation – lingering first in the lobby, then making their way to the metro station where they finally part ways and Nico heads back to the parking garage.

“Um.” Nico clears his throat. “I was going to stick around, actually. Some Fridays I grab pizza from that place on F Street, pull some old files.” He’s not sure why he’s suddenly feeling awkward about it. But he supposes he’s never mentioned it to Will before.

Will blinks, surprised.

Nico shrugs. “You know. Try looking at things with new eyes. See if I can find anything I’ve missed.”

“Oh –”

“You don’t have to stay,” Nico adds quickly, because he suddenly realizes that he would like the company, but he definitely doesn’t want Will to feel obligated. “I’m off the clock. It probably sounds stupid, but I just kind of like hanging around here when the building empties out. It feels –”

“Spooky?” Will grins.

Nico rolls his eyes. “No, nerd. It’s – relaxing. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. Go home,” he adds, tossing an eraser at Will and turning back to his desk. “We’re done for the day.”

“No, I get that.” Will doesn’t make any move to leave yet. “I’d like to stay, actually. But –”

Nico’s quick to shake his head. “No, go enjoy your Friday night. You don’t have to–”

“No, I was going to say I would stay, but my little brother’s in town with his band. We’re going out for dinner. But next week? If we’re not out on a case?” Will asks, suddenly sounding nervous.

Nico gives him a dry look. “You wanna stay after work. Put in unpaid time. In the spooky basement.”

“Yup.” Will beams at him.

Nico rolls his eyes. “Fine. Next Friday, I will permit you to stay late and do work you’re not being compensated for. Happy?”

“Thrilled,” Will grins, plucking the eraser from the floor and tossing it back. “I’ll even cover the pizza.”

It becomes a routine, after that, nearly every Friday.

And before too long, case research begins bleeding over to Nico’s apartment, which isn’t far from the Bureau, after all. Somehow, Nico’s not surprised when that begins to evolve into something more; Nico putting on a movie, in disbelief that Will’s never seen it. This, inevitably, leads to Will falling asleep on Nico’s couch, Nico draping a blanket over him before heading to his own bed.

And if Friday nights begin leading to Saturday morning coffee, before Will heads back to home… well.

Will’s sprawled on the couch with a book when the apartment door clicks open. He raises a lazy hand to wave at his sister. “There’re leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry. How was your date?”

“Lovely, thank you,” Kayla answers happily, kicking off her shoes and joining Will on the couch, shoving at his feet until he moves them out of her way.

“What did Luke want?” Kayla asks, reaching for the remote.

Will frowns. “Luke? Luke who?”

“Luke Castellan. Luke your ex.”

Will makes a face. “He’s not exactly an ex.”

“Well, he’s an ex-something,” Kayla mutters, beginning to flick through channels. “He called. Did you not see the message?”

Coffee is what Luke wants, apparently, and mid-morning the next day, Will excuses himself, vaguely telling Nico he has an errand to run.

Leaving the Bureau and walking up Ninth Street, he feels guilty about the white lie. And maybe a little guilty that he felt the need to lie in the first place. There’s no reason for it, Will reminds himself firmly. Luke is a colleague, same as Nico. The coffee meeting is about a case, ostensibly. It’s all on the up and up.

Nevertheless, waiting to cross the street to the coffee shop, all Will really wants to do is turn back the way he came. There’s a chilly breeze, and he pulls his blazer tighter around his shoulder. He wishes he’d brought his coat. He wishes he was back in the Bureau basement.

When Will pushes the door open at the Starbucks, Luke’s already sitting at a table by the window, all lanky height and tousled brown hair and dark, smoldering gaze. And okay, Will can admit to himself that it was attractive, once upon a time.

Luke stands, pulls Will in for a handshake, just a little too friendly, looking just a little too pleased at Will’s arrival. Waiting at the counter for his coffee, Will feels more than a little like fleeing, not entirely sure why.

“I heard about your reassignment,” Luke is saying once they’re both seated. “Field work, hey? How’s your spooky partner?”

Will cups his coffee with both hands, warming his cold fingers. “It’s been great, actually,” he says lightly. “Nico’s an excellent agent. We’ve had some really interesting cases.”

Luke grins. “Yeah? Aliens? I think I heard something about vampires.”

Will feels a sharp flash of annoyance, not in any mood to joke about a job he’s become very fond of, nor the partner he has very similar feelings for. Never mind that the maybe-vampire case almost culminated in Will losing that partner, permanently, something that continues to eat at him in quiet moments. “We’re just solving cases. No different than what you do.”

Will can hear the irritation in his own voice, and surely Luke can too. Luke holds up one hand in surrender. “Okay, okay, take it easy Will. I was just kidding.”

“What do you want, Luke?” Will asks, abruptly finding himself completely devoid of patience.

Luke looks surprised, but quickly recovers. “I wanted to get your input on a case, actually.”

The no need to be rude about it seems unspoken, but Will can’t find it in himself to care. The truth of it is that he doesn’t really like Luke Castellan, whatever they had together a couple of years ago aside. But if this is purely about work, Will supposes he can live with that. He takes a deep breath. “Sure. What’s the case?”

Luke reaches for his bag, extracting a file. “It’s a local case. Alexandria PD, they want our help on a serial killer profile. Three murders in the past six weeks. Victims vary in age, race, gender. No known connections to each other.”

Will frowns, feeling his shoulders relax a bit at the now-familiar feeling of sinking into a new mystery. “I take it there’s some kind of pattern?”

Luke raises an eyebrow. “The point of entry. Or rather, the lack of one.”

“What do you mean?”

“First victim, college student. Killed in her ten-by-twelve cinder block dorm room. She was found with the windows locked and the door chained from the inside. Second guy was found in a maintenance shed. Again, locked from the inside. The last incident, yesterday, was the top floor of a high security office building. Nothing at all on the security monitors. Janitor spoke to the victim minutes before the murder, didn’t see or hear a thing out of the ordinary.”

Will considers. “Suicides?”

“Each victim was found with their liver ripped out,” Luke informs him. “No cutting tools used.” Luke opens the file then, pulling out a photo and pushing it towards Will. A gory mess of someone’s midsection. Will raises his eyebrows.

“The killer what – used their bare hands?” Will asks, pulling the file closer for a better look.

“As far as we can tell, yeah.”

Will surveys the bloody evidence, impressed despite himself. “Physiologically that’s… pretty improbable. This sounds like it could be an X-File.”

Luke leans back. “Let’s not get carried away. What I’d like from you is a look over the case histories. Maybe come down to the crime scene. See what you think about a profile.”

Will glances up to meet Luke’s gaze. “Do you want me to ask Nico?”

Luke shrugs, seemingly trying for unconcerned. “If he wants to come along and give you a hand, sure. But just make sure he knows this is my case, Will. The thing is – our section leader’s all tied up with another investigation at the moment, and I’ve been given clearance to run this on my own. If I can break a case like this one, it might just be the bump up the ladder I need. And who knows? If you can help, maybe it’ll be your ticket out of the basement.”

Nico seems willing enough, his eyes lighting up at the mere mention of the extracted livers. Will smiles to himself. They’ve reached a point in their partnership where Will knows exactly what will get his partner going, and it warms him a little every time he’s able to provide it. Even if it is in the form of manual dissection.

It’s a short drive to the crime scene, a glass-fronted six-storey office building on a block lined with several other such buildings.

“No balconies, no fire escapes,” Nico notes as they approach the entrance, glancing up at the shiny exterior, glinting in the early afternoon sun. “And those windows don’t open. Can’t imagine it would have been easy to get to the sixth floor from the outside.”

The place does seem particularly secure, Will thinks, as they pass through two different checkpoints just to reach the elevators. He takes note of the security cameras in the lobby and the elevator.

All’s quiet on the sixth floor when they arrive, no sign of Luke or his partner. The office where the murder occurred is a far cry from their office at the Bureau. Besides the fact that it’s currently a crime scene, it’s impressive; vast, with floor-to ceiling windows and a desk that Will’s pretty sure is worth more than all the furniture he owns. If he and Nico had this kind of space in the basement, they could add a sofa. Maybe a stationary bike.

“Just think how many filing cabinets you could fit in here,” Will murmurs.

Nico grins. “Right? I could finally take my cryptid art collection out of storage, start a whole gallery wall.” He spreads his arms out in front of him.

“Wait – what?” Will laughs, but Nico just waggles his eyebrows, immediately getting to work. He pulls out a camera (not the digital one, Will notes) and evidence bags. He drops to a crouch, a close inspection of the carpet around where the most recent victim was found. Will takes in the dried blood, soaked through lush, sand-colored carpet, yellow plastic evidence markers scattered over the room like fallen leaves.

A moment later Nico turns to glance up at Will, brow furrowed. “You said there was nothing on the cameras, right?”

“Yeah,” Will agrees. “And there was a security guard right outside the door.”

Nico chews on it for a long moment, thinking. “This is definitely an X-File. Why didn’t they just send a consult request straight downstairs?”

Will shrugs, ignoring the flash of guilt. “Luke and I knew each other at the Academy. I’m sure he just felt more comfortable approaching me.”

Nico, unfortunately, is an excellent profiler, when it comes right down on it. Normally Will doesn’t mind much, having that intense gaze directed at him rather than any given murderer. He tries not to give it too much thought, but the truth is he usually likes the attention. Right now, however, he could do without it. Nico rises, watching Will a little too intently.

“And I make people… uncomfortable?” Nico guesses.

Will grimaces. “Look, Luke likes to play by the book. He thinks your methods, your theories –”

“Are spooky?” Nico’s lips quirk.

“You know how people are.”

Nico holds Will’s gaze a moment longer, all big dark eyes and long lashes, just long enough for Will to feel butterflies stirring in his stomach. Honestly. Does Nico know what he’s doing?

“And Luke…” Will shifts awkwardly, wishing he didn’t always have to be so obvious, an open book. “He wanted to make sure you knew this is his case.”

Nico rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, I know. He thinks it’ll be good for his career.”

Nico huffs dismissively and Will feels a rush of fondness. He’s known Nico less than a year, but he’d never call him competitive, nor does he seem to have any interest in climbing the corporate ladder. He’s truly just about the case. Finding answers. Solving the puzzle. At the very least, it aligns nicely with Will’s own moral code, and at the most, it endears him deeply.

Will glances toward the doorway, checking to make sure Luke hasn’t arrived yet. He lowers his voice. “Luke likes to come out on top. You know the type. But it’s not as if we really have to work with him. We’ll just take a look at the evidence, give our expert opinion and then move along.”

Nico nods. “I can live with that.”

“You’re the expert,” Will adds under his breath, aiming a light kick at Nico’s shoe.

Nico laughs, low. He looks pleased. “I already knew that,” he says, kicking Will back.

“Agent Solace is right in here,” comes a voice from the hallway, and they both turn.

“Will,” Luke grins, striding into the room. “Sorry I’m late.” He reaches out to shake Will’s hand, his gaze lingering just long enough to make Will take a step back. He’s sure Luke does want their help on his way up the ladder, has no doubt that that’s exactly what prompted this meeting. But he’s getting the feeling the other man may have other intentions as well. And Will is very much not interested.

Will clears his throat. “Not a problem. We just got here ourselves. Luke Castellan – Nico di Angelo.” He gestures between the two men.

The two shake hands. Nico watches Luke even as Luke turns away, a slight furrow to his brow.

“And this is my partner, Annabeth Chase,” Luke adds, as a serious-looking dark-haired woman enters the room, her gaze thoughtful. She brightens as she catches sight of Will.

“Agent Solace,” Annabeth extends her hand. “It’s good to see you. How are you enjoying field work?”

“I’m loving it, actually,” Will smiles. “I didn’t expect to run into you here.”

Will hadn’t realized Annabeth was partnered with Luke. He briefly worked with her at Quantico before she was transferred to Violent Crimes. She’s a consummate professional, almost always more knowledgeable than anyone else in the room. Just her presence is reassuring.

“Nice to see you again, Agent Chase,” Nico says.

Annabeth nods, a small smile. “You as well. I was pleased to hear you’d be able to offer your expertise,” she tells Nico. “I suggested to Agent Castellan that this case might be in your wheelhouse.”

Luke clears his throat. “Annabeth, they’re purely here as consultants. At least this time.” He offers Will a winning smile that Will doesn’t return. There’s the slightest crease to Annabeth’s brow as she flicks a glance between them.

“So, Agent di Angelo, what do you think?” Luke asks, light. “Does this look like the work of little green men?”

“Gray,” Nico says, deadpan. His expression doesn’t change, but Will knows him well enough to take in the slight tensing in his posture. He feels its echo in his own jaw.

“Excuse me?” says Luke, still smiling.

“Gray,” Nico corrects. “You said green men. The Reticulan skin tone is actually more of a dark gray. They’re notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers, due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy.”

Luke’s smile falters. “You can’t be serious.”

“Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?” Nico asks, just this side of impolite. “Excuse me.” He turns, crossing to the other end of the room.

Luke looks sour at this, but makes no comment. Will lingers near Luke and Annabeth, all three watching Nico. He crouches at the wall across from the desk, pulling out tweezers and extracting something from the carpet, then glancing to a vent cover near the ceiling. He pulls over a chair, climbing on it and proceeding to dust the vent cover for prints.

Luke frowns. “What the hell is he doing? That ventilation shaft is maybe six by eighteen inches. Even if someone could squeeze through it, it’s screwed in place.”

Nico walks back towards them, holding up an evidence bag. Inside, just visible, is a thin metal thread. “Well, something came through there.”

Will’s at the Bureau early the next morning, but when the door of the basement stairwell falls shut behind him, he can see light already shining through the door of the office.

“Come take a look at this,” Nico says as Will enters, not turning from where he’s hunched over a lightbox.

“What, not even a good morning?”

Nico’s head shoots up. He blinks, wide-eyed and bemused, taking a minute to focus on Will. “Hi?”

Will laughs. “Hi.” He hangs his coat and crosses the room, pulling up a chair.

“This is the print I lifted from the vent cover yesterday,” Nico says, tapping a slide on the left. “These others are from an old X-File. I’ve found records of nine murders, Alexandria and surrounding area, undetermined points of entry. Each victim had their liver removed. Prints were found at nine of the ten crime scenes.” Nico sits back so Will can lean forward over the table, squinting at the prints.

“Nine murders,” Will says slowly. “Luke never mentioned…”

“He’s probably not aware of them,” Nico says. “Didn’t do his research. These prints were lifted before he was born, in Fort Hunt.” He taps the right side of the lightbox, five sets of prints. “And these two others were lifted probably before his mother was born.”

Will frowns, peering at the small type on the sheets on the lightbox. “Wait – the dates on these are 1939 and… 1909?”

“Yup. And fingerprinting was just coming into its own in 1909, so there’s not a lot of print evidence from that time period, but I found records of two other murders that year that sure sound similar.” Gingerly, Nico hands Will two handwritten reports, the paper brittle under protective plastic sheets.

Will sits back, scanning through the text; neatly handwritten records from some agent who’s likely long dead, a voice back echoing through the decades.

“Thirty nine year old woman, found dead in a room locked from the inside,” Will reads, frowning. “Cause of death, blood loss, major trauma to victim’s abdomen, liver appears to have been forcibly removed.” Will shakes his head, bewildered. “That’s bizarre.” He double-checks the date at the top of the page – May 3rd, 1909. “Do you think the murders this month were copycats?”

Nico shakes his head. “Not copycats. Each fingerprint is unique, right? The prints I lifted yesterday are a perfect match to the ones in 1909 and 1939.”

Will frowns. “How, though?” He returns his attention to the slides on the lightbox, now looking more closely. “And why are the prints so long?” Each one looks stretched, elongated. Not like any prints Will’s ever seen before. At first he’d assumed the records of the historical prints were somehow compromised. It’s not unusual for decades-old files to be damaged in some way. But as he looks closer, Will realizes none of the text on the slides is stretched, only the prints. Including the ones from the office building yesterday.

“Not sure yet.” Nico shrugs. “But these murders seem to occur in clumps, over the decades, right? There have only been three this year. I’m betting that means we can expect at least a couple more missing livers.”

“So we go to Violent Crimes and present a profile saying these crimes were committed by what – someone who’s over a hundred years old, yet still capable of overpowering a healthy, six-foot-two businessman?” Will asks, doubtful. He’s not questioning the evidence, or Nico’s research. But it’s a lot to wrap his mind around this early in the morning.

Nico grins. “And the guy should stand out in a crowd, with ten-inch fingers.”

Will laughs. “You know, Nico – this is incredible, but – I don’t know how much further we’ll be able to follow this line of inquiry. Bottom line, this is Luke’s case.” Will’s gut twists uncomfortably. He can already anticipate Luke’s reaction to this theory. ”He was pretty clear on that.”

“Not a problem,” Nico says. “Our X-File dates back to 1909. We had it first.”

Will glances back to the lightbox, his gaze drifting out of focus, considering.

“Look, how about this,” Nico says. “We have our investigation, and they have theirs. Never the twain shall meet.” There’s a spark in Nico’s eyes. Curiosity and discovery, a little manic. It’s become harder and harder to resist with each passing month.

Will nods. “Sure. I can get on board with that.”

Nico beams, radiant and inconveniently adorable.

Will laughs, glancing back to the report in his hand. He hands it back to Nico and crosses to his desk, in sudden need of a little space. “Hey, how’s your profile coming?” he asks.

“Actually,” Nico says, “I was thinking maybe you could take a crack at it.”

“But you – you’re the profiler. You’re the expert –”

Nico shrugs, apparently unconcerned with this. “Yeah, but Luke and Annabeth came to you for help. It makes sense for you to do the write-up.”

“I – don’t know if I can –” Will begins, awkward.

“Of course you can, Will.” Nico’s smile is warm. “You’re an excellent writer and you’re great at analysis. I’m always impressed when I read your field reports. Why don’t you give it a shot and then we can talk it over together?”

Will pushes back from his desk, scrubbing a hand over his face. “Okay,” he says. “wanna hear what I’ve got so far?”

Nico turns, grinning. “Always.”

Will rolls his eyes and begins reading aloud. “After careful review of these murders, I believe the killer to be a male, twenty-five to thirty-five years of age, with above average intelligence. His manner of entry has so far been undetectable. This may be due to his superior knowledge of the inner structure of buildings and duct works, he may be hiding in plain sight, posing as delivery or maintenance workers.

“The extraction of the liver is the most significant detail of these crimes. The liver posessess regenerative qualities. It cleanses the blood. The taking of this trophy is the transferring act for the killer, to cleanse himself of his own impulses.

“As the victims are unrelated and we cannot predict the next, we must utilize the fact that a killer will not always succeed in finding a victim. When this occurs, a serial killer may return to the site of a previous murder, hoping to recapture the emotional high. Given this, I believe our best course of action is to target these sites.”

Will sighs, tossing his papers on his desk and raising his eyes to Nico’s. The look on Nico’s face catches at Will’s heart. It’s not just approving, but fond. Proud.

“What?” he laughs, self-conscious.

“It’s good. I think you nailed it,” Nico says. “You left out the part about the killer being over a hundred years old, though. And being able to travel through vents.”

Will laughs. “Well, I don’t think Violent Crimes is quite ready for that. But it’s like you said – they’ll do their investigation, and we’ll keep looking for… alternate possibilities.”

They regard each other for a moment, Nico’s gaze still fond. Open. It makes Will want to give him more to smile about. Makes him want to keep Nico’s attention, his approval. It feels like a stupid impulse, childish. But then –

“Hold on,” Will says slowly, his memory suddenly catching up with their conversation this morning, with the bits and pieces of his profile. “There was another case – it could have been 1909 –” and Will’s up and heading for the file cabinet in the corner, the one where Nico keeps newspaper clippings, old magazine articles. Nico follows, watching as Will feverishly flips through folders in a bottom drawer.

“I was going through this stuff, when you were away sick a couple of weeks ago,” Will says. Where did he see it?

“Here!” he says, triumphant. He rises, newspaper clipping in his hand. “I don’t think the story about the death was even meant to be saved, the clipped article is about a geomagnetic storm. But there’s a little article on the back.” Will turns the paper, reading aloud, “a seventy-two year old man and his forty-five year old son were found dead in their home, apparent victims of an animal attack.”

Will scans further. “It says… both had significant wounds to the abdomen, no other trauma to the bodies. It doesn’t mention anything about missing livers, but –”

“But maybe it wouldn’t, if it was assumed to be an animal attack and it wasn’t investigated any further.” Nico’s eyes are alight with interest as he carefully takes the yellowed clipping from Will. “Yeah. This fits. And the dates line up perfectly.” Nico looks up, beaming. “You’re brilliant.”

Will snorts, but he can feel himself blushing. “I learned from the best,” he manages.

“So that’s – that’s five murders in 1939,” Nico says, his gaze going unfocused, the clipping loose in his hand. “And six in 1909.”

“I wonder if there are more,” Will says.

Nico nods slowly. “That’s definitely possible.” His gaze shifts back to Will. Will can almost hear the gears turning. “Wanna head over to the Library of Congress? I bet we can unearth a few more missing livers. Whoever finds the most buys dinner?”

Will laughs. “As appealing as that sounds – I think we need to present our profile to Violent Crimes.”

Luke and his team seem to be in agreement with Will’s profile, and that evening finds Will and Nico in the parking garage under the building where the last victim was killed. They’re in Nico’s car – a newer-model black sedan, shiny-clean and freshly detailed. While Nico’s always happiest in his own car, Will privately prefers the Bureau fleet cars. Although snacking is technically permitted in Nico’s car, he gets twitchy about crumbs.

So far, the stakeout has been profoundly unexciting. Will shifts, stretching. His stomach rumbles, and Nico quirks an eyebrow. Will sticks out his tongue.

Then, sudden in the silence of the parking garage, there’s a clanging and scrabbling in a nearby ventilation shaft. The agents glance at each other, alarmed. Will scrambles to sit up straight, then quickly and quietly follows Nico out of the car, both of them drawing their guns. Every little movement seems loud and resonant in the mostly-empty space.

“Call for backup,” Nico says under his breath.

The scrambling noises continue. A rat? Maybe a squirrel? It sure sounds like something bigger.

Will retreats a few steps, quiet as he can. “Position ten requesting backup,” he says into his radio, never taking his eyes from the ventilation shaft.

Will’s jaw is tight, heart pounding. He’s finding situations like this more harrowing ever since Nico’s near-exsanguination in St. Ambrose, his anxiety rising off the charts at the drop of a hat, a fierce thread of protectiveness running through it all. It’s only been a couple of months, though, he reminds himself. Things like this must get easier in time.

Nico creeps in closer, calm, focused, dress shoes quiet on the concrete. When he’s within a few yards of the ventilation shaft, he raises his voice to yell. “Federal agent, I’m armed. Proceed out of the vent slowly.”

Still half-expecting a rat or a stray cat, Will’s eyes widen as the hatch at the bottom of the duct is kicked open and a young man emerges. He slowly stands and turns, holding his hands in the air.

There’s the slam of car doors and the sound of footsteps, then the chatter of radios and voices as agents approach from the other end of the parking garage. Will slowly lowers his gun.

“He doesn’t look any older than thirty, does he?” Will murmurs to his partner. “You think he’s our guy from 1909?” They’re seated side by side in the darkened observation room. The man from the ventilation shaft is on the other side of the glass, so far cooperating with a lie detector test.

Nico grimaces. “If he is, we should ask him for his skincare routine before they lock him up.”

Will bites down a laugh.

The door to the observation room opens, Luke and Annabeth quietly filing in. Luke automatically takes the single empty chair. Will glances up to see something like disbelief flicker over Nico’s face. Nico quickly stands, offering his chair to Annabeth. She shakes her head. Nico, stubborn as always, remains standing next to her, propping himself against the wall at the back of the little room.

Will rises after Nico, quirking an eyebrow at Annabeth. She rolls her eyes and sits. Will joins Nico at the wall, bumping their shoulders together. Nico bumps back. Will stumbles and Nico snorts, grabbing his arm. Luke turns to give them both a disgusted look and they fall silent.

The man on the other side of the glass – Eugene Victor Tooms, apparently – answers the examiner’s questions in a slow, dreamy monotone. He’s slim, dark-haired. Unobtrusive looking. He’s employed by Animal Control, he says, and his story is that he was in the vent for work-related purposes.

The examination continues, running first through the usual biographical queries before pivoting to questioning about the recent murders. Tooms denies having killed any of the victims.

“Are you over one hundred years old?” the examiner asks.

Luke shifts in his chair, brow furrowed. “That must be a control question.”

“I had her ask it,” Nico murmurs.

“No,” says Tooms.

“Have you ever been to Fort Hunt?” the examiner asks.

“Yes.”

“In 1939?” the examiner asks.

“No.”

“Are you worried you’re going to fail this test?”

“Yes. Because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“He passed with flying colors,” the examiner tells the four agents in a conference room afterwards. “Either we’re not asking the right questions, or your suspect didn’t kill those people.”

Nico reaches for the readout, frowning over the results.

Annabeth nods. “I just spoke to the maintenance department at the building where we found him. They confirm that a strange smell was reported earlier in the day. Makes sense that Animal Control would be there investigating.”

Luke lets out a breath, frustrated. “Fuck. It’s a dead end.”

Will peers over Nico’s shoulder at the polygraph report. “Still doesn’t quite explain why he was there so late at night – crawling up an air duct, by himself. Without alerting security,” Will muses. Nico glances up, a quirk of his eyebrows in agreement with this assessment.

Luke shakes his head. “Will, he passed the test. His story checks out. This isn’t our guy.”

“No, Will’s right,” Nico says.

Luke turns his gaze on Nico, his expression dismissive. There’s a buzz of frustration under Will’s skin. It’s clear to him that Luke’s not going to put any stock in whatever Nico’s going to say, and he hasn’t even spoken yet.

“He lied on questions eleven and thirteen,” Nico says, tapping the readout. “His electrodermal and cardiographic responses are almost off the chart.”

Luke steps closer, just a little too far into Nico’s personal space. Will’s aware of precisely what constitutes Nico’s personal space at this point, not to mention who’s permitted to breach it. He feels the incursion as if it’s happening to his own body. Will pushes down an overwhelming, visceral desire to shove Luke out of the way.

“Was number eleven the hundred-year-old question?” Luke asks, hard. “Because I had a reaction to that stupid question too.”

“Can I see?” Annabeth asks mildly, reaching for the report.

“I don’t need you or that machine telling me this guy was alive in 1909!” Luke says, his voice rising.

Annabeth lowers the paper slowly to the table, shooting her partner a supremely unimpressed look. “Luke –”

“He’s the guy,” Nico says, obstinate.

“We’re letting him go,” Luke retorts. “It’s my case. It’s my call.” He turns to leave the room. “You coming, Annabeth?”

“Give me a minute,” Annabeth says, calm, and Luke rolls his eyes, the door slamming shut behind him.

The three of them stare at the door in silence for a moment.

“Nice guy,” Nico says, dry. “Seems like a real joy to work with.”

“He’s… stubborn.” Annabeth frowns. “He’s usually not quite this bad, honestly.”

Nico huffs. “You think I set him off?”

Annabeth gives him a wry smile. “It might have been mutual.” She pulls out a chair. “Can we take a closer look at these numbers?”

“Hey, you beat me here,” Nico says, opening the already-unlocked office door and beginning to pull off his coat. He glances at the clock on the wall. It’s not even 8:30, a good half-hour before Will usually appears. Will’s bent over his desk, scribbling into a notepad, coffee at his elbow. The coffee maker on the counter is half-empty. As Nico moves further into the office, he notices Will’s used one of his mugs, the one Frank got him for Christmas last year that says Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you. Nico smiles, opening his mouth to comment on this.

Will clears his throat. “Yeah. I had an idea and –”

Will’s voice, wet and wobbly, is a jolt to Nico’s solar plexus. “Will? What happened?”

“Sorry,” Will shakes his head, wiping at his cheeks as Nico approaches his desk. “It’s nothing really. I um – I thought I’d see if I could get in touch with any of the family members from the 1939 murders –”

“Oh –” Nico begins, an automatic understanding.

“Yeah.” Will gives a wet laugh, another swipe at his face. “I’m fine. I really am. Just, one of them – Nolan Campbell – his parents are still alive, both in their 80s. They live in the UK now, which is why I thought it would be okay to call them at eight in the morning. His mom was really lovely. She wanted to tell me all about Nolan. So she did.”

Nico shifts so he’s sitting on the edge of Will’s desk. “It was good of you to listen.”

Will lets out a long breath. “What else could I do?”

“Yeah.” Nico’s fingers itch to reach out, and before he’s completely thought it through, they have – a quick squeeze to Will’s forearm that makes his heart stutter. It gets a smile from Will, though, and that’s what counts.

Will shakes his head. “I don’t think I got any new information.”

“That’s not what matters,” Nico says immediately.

“I don’t know if Reyna would agree. Definitely Octavian wouldn’t.”

“Well. Fuck Octavian.”

“I hope they don’t keep too close an eye on our long distance usage. My dad – he would always get all bent out of shape about that.” Will makes a face.

“They don’t even notice,” Nico says. “Fucking Bureau probably spent five grand on staples last year.”

Will laughs, blue eyes sparkling up at Nico. His eyes are even prettier when he cries, Nico realizes with a jolt, bright blue and shining. Really not fair. Nico looks hideous when he cries, all splotchy and wild-eyed.

“He was a musician,” Will says.

“Who – the 1939 victim?”

“Yeah. His mom said. She was telling me how relieved she was that he wasn’t drafted – he had some kind of heart condition. And then he went and got murdered anyway.” Will takes a shaky breath. “She might be sending us a Christmas card. And I said I’d call back if – when we manage to solve the case.” Will carefully tears the corner off the sheet he was writing on – a name and phone number – pinning it securely to the bulletin board at the end of his desk, taking care to push the pin in all the way.

“He was murdered sixty years ago,” Will says, soft. “You’d never have known it, listening to his mom.”

Nico swallows. “Yeah. Those things stick with you.”

Will takes another deep breath, a little steadier now. “Sorry,” he says. “I guess I’ve been crying at work a lot lately.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay to have emotions.” Nico clears his throat. “Personally, I try to avoid them whenever possible, but I’m not exactly a model of mental health.”

Will smiles, lopsided and fond.

Honestly, Nico’s still hasn’t quite recovered from all the talking they’ve done in the last couple of months. He’s definitely never had a working relationship anything like this; emotions so close to the surface, heart-to-heart talks about work and family. In the aftermath, he finds himself feeling raw and exposed. Weirdly healthy, though. Oddly grounded. Though he still hasn’t figured out how to start those conversations in the first place, and he’s not convinced he ever will. Luckily, he’s got Will.

Will tilts to the side, bumping his arm into Nico’s leg where it’s still resting on Will’s desk.

Nico watches him for a second more before – “I have a job for you.”

Will’s lips twitch. “Yeah? Other than the job I’m already doing?”

“Remember that Polish bakery we found on Indiana Avenue?”

“This is a baked goods related job?”

“Yes,” Nico says, firm. “It’s a beautiful morning. You probably got here before it was light out. I want you to walk to Indiana Avenue and get a box of those poppy seed strudel things.”

Will snorts. “Weren’t you just criticizing my choice in breakfast foods like, a week ago?”

Nico regards Will solemnly. “Desperate times, Will.”

He has such a fucking ridiculous desire to lift his hand, brush his fingers across Will’s cheek. He can almost feel the rasp of stubble under his fingertips, can almost imagine the quirk of pink lips.

Quelling that urge as best he can, instead Nico plucks Will’s glasses from where they’re sitting on the desk, sure to keep his fingers away from the lenses. Breath held, heart pounding, he leans in, places the glasses carefully on Will’s face. Because that doesn’t quite count as touching, Nico decides. Nico’s stomach does a frankly impressive backflip as he gently pushes the glasses up the bridge of Will’s nose with the tip of his index finger.

Will’s smile softens into something that makes Nico’s insides turn to mush.

And – It’s just a crush, right? It doesn’t have to be a big deal. God, it’s been a long time since Nico’s had a crush on anyone. That must be why it feels like this with Will. Why it feels like more.

“I can’t tell if you’re trying to distract me or get rid of me,” Will says, still puffy-eyed, but looking pleased.

“The sad truth is, you may never know for sure,” Nico says, sliding off the desk before he does something even stupider.

Will shakes his head, one more wipe at his face, and then he stands, bumping Nico on his way to the door. “Fine. And who’s covering breakfast?” he asks, eyes sparkling now in a way that makes Nico’s mind settle and his heart swell.

“You’re buying,” Nico says, deadpan.

And Will does feel lighter after the walk outside. Calmer. As much as Nico sounded like his mother, telling Will to go get some fresh air, he may have had a point.

“Good, you’re finally back,” Nico says, as Will returns with the pastries. “Come take a look at this.”

Will glances at the clock on the wall, laughing. “What do you mean, finally? I don’t think I was even gone for half an hour.”

“Oh.” Nico looks up, bemused. “Seemed like longer.” The new, shorter hair looks good on Nico, Will notes privately. It makes his face look younger, makes those big, dark eyes look even more dramatic.

“Any amount of time I’m gone is interminable,” Will teases. He drops the box of pastries on his desk, crossing the room and pulling up a chair to see what’s got his partner’s attention. He bumps his chair up against Nico’s and a brief battle ensues, but Will can tell Nico is far too eager to show him what he’s found to be much of a contender. He settles for nudging his chair up against Nico’s and peering over his shoulder.

Nico turns and shoots him a sweet smile, quick, his face inches away, and Will’s stomach flips. He frowns to himself, determinedly focusing on the prints in front of them and not the scent of Nico’s hair; rain-washed stone, something sharp and fresh.

“Okay, check this out,” Nico’s saying. “These are the prints they took from Tooms at the station last night, and these,” he taps the other side of the lightbox, the elongated prints, “are the ones I lifted from the vent in the office building two days ago.”

Will nods. “Okay. But they’re not even the same shape. The ones from the office building don’t even look human.”

“True, but now, look at this.” Nico raises an eyebrow at Will and then zips across the office to his laptop, his chair making a neat beeline on the linoleum. Will, not trusting his coordination or his probably-1960s-vintage chair, stands and follows, squinting at the screen over Nico’s shoulder.

“Here are the prints, side by side, and – voila.” Nico hits a few buttons, and the prints taken from Tooms last night stretch out, familiar elongated ovals. “A perfect match,” Nico announces, eyes bright.

Will blinks at the screen. “What the fuck,” he says flatly.

“I know!” Nico exclaims.

“But how–”

“No idea,” Nico shrugs, thrilled by it.

Will gazes at the screen, trying to wrap his mind around any logical explanation for this. Nico’s hunched over the laptop, carefully making small adjustments to the images, fiddling with the brightness and contrast. Will lifts his hand up in front of his face, considering the whorls of his own fingerprints. “Can you print out that fingerprint comparison?” he asks Nico.

“Yeah, sure.” Nico clicks through a few windows and a second later the printer on the counter hums to life. Will crosses the room to collect the sheets as they emerge.

“Oh. Fuck,” Nico says suddenly, fumbling in the pocket of his jacket, draped over the back of the chair. Will hears the buzzing of Nico’s phone as he extracts it.

“Di Angelo,” he says. Then, “Okay, we’ll be right there.”

“Where –” Will begins as Nico stands.

“Another missing liver,” Nico says, grim.

Will shoots a longing look at the abandoned box of pastries. He folds the printed sheets carefully into quarters as he follows his partner out of the office.

“This is it, right?” Nico puts the car in park, glances up at the large, brick-fronted house they’ve just pulled up in front of.

Will double-checks the address he’d written down in their rush out of the Bureau. “Yup, 247. That’s the right one.”

They exit the car, and Nico leads them up a tree-lined drive, then wide stone steps. The front doors stand open, yellow crime scene tape standing out against dark, polished wood.

“Nice place,” Nico comments, glancing around as they step inside. “Maybe this guy likes high-end livers.” The floor is shining, immaculate hardwood, reflecting a crystal chandelier overhead.

“Think I could fit my entire apartment in this entryway,” Will says under his breath. He and Nico follow the sound of activity and voices through the entryway into a vast dining room.

“Let’s run a check on liver transplants in the next twenty four hours,” Luke is saying as they enter. “Maybe this thing is black market.”

Annabeth looks skeptical. “Luke, the way the liver was ripped out – can you really imagine it being of any use as a transplant?”

“Look, at this point I’m willing to give any theory a shot.”

“Now you’re speaking my language,” Nico says as he and Will approach.

Luke turns, a reflexive scowl as he catches sight of Nico. “I’m willing to give any sane theory a shot. Sorry, Will,” he says, pointedly turning away from Nico, “but I only want qualified members of the investigating team at the crime scene.”

“I asked them to come, Luke,” Annabeth says, frowning.

“What’s the matter, Castellan? Worried I’m going to solve your case?” Nico asks, cool. He goes to walk further into the room and Luke steps in front of him, blocking his path. Nico raises an eyebrow, not backing down.

“Luke, we have authorized access to this crime scene.” Will cuts in, trying for cool and collected, though his heart is pounding in his throat and all he really wants to do is turn and run back to the car. He moves to stand beside Nico. He can feel the tension radiating off his partner. “A report of you obstructing another officer’s investigation might stick out in your personnel file.”

Before Luke can respond, Will grabs the sleeve of Nico’s jacket, physically pulling him over to the corner of the room where the collection of evidence markers is densest.

“I could have taken him. He’s only like, a foot taller than me,” Nico mutters. But he follows willingly enough.

Will snorts. “Yeah, but I’m willing to bet he doesn’t fight fair. Let’s just have a look around and get out of here. The two of you are making me nervous.”

“He started it,” Nico grumbles.

“I know. Let’s just… try to get along for a bit longer.”

Nico rolls his eyes, bumping his shoulder into Will’s. Will fights a smile, mouthing be nice.

Nico mouths back, hand to his chest, who, me? and Will laughs, too loud. Grinning, Nico walks over to the fireplace, a close examination of the mantel.

Will scrubs a hand over his face, taking a second to steady his breathing. This collaboration is already starting to feel like a terrible idea. Will has always hated conflict, always shied away from it. Austin was the mediator, at home. Will was the one who’d avoid the situation altogether if he could manage it. He still prefers it that way.

“You okay, Solace?” Annabeth asks, low, walking over to join him a moment later.

“Yeah,” Will sighs, glancing over to where Luke is speaking to a police officer a few feet away. “I’m fine. Just – want to get this case dealt with.”

Annabeth shakes her head. “I’m sorry he’s being such an ass. I’ve never seen him so territorial before. We really do appreciate your help.”

Will nods, tired.

Luke joins them a moment later. “So, what do you think?”

“Well,” Will says. “It sure matches the profiles of the previous victims – liver extracted, no obvious point of entry.”

Luke’s nodding, brow furrowed, his gaze on the chalk outline.

“Actually – Nico found some prints you should take a look at,” Will adds, remembering what he and Nico were doing before they were interrupted with the news of yet another victim. “The prints taken from Tooms last night matched –”

“Okay, but this isn’t Tooms,” Luke interrupts.

“It’s Tooms,” Nico announces, his voice unexpected at Will’s shoulder.

“We cleared Mr. Tooms last night,” Luke says, his voice tight.

Nico shrugs. “There’s a vent over the fireplace. The vent cover was removed, and I found metal threads on the mantel, same as the crime scene at the office building.” He holds up an evidence bag. “And I’m pretty sure the prints I just lifted from the vent are going to match, too.”

“What the fuck are you saying, di Angelo? That the killer came through the fucking vent?”

Nico just quirks an eyebrow and heads for the door, thankfully electing not to antagonize Luke any further this time. Will begins to follow his partner out, feeling a headache starting to throb between his eyes, a knot of tension in his shoulders.

“You leaving too?” Luke asks, catching up to Will in the entryway.

“Yeah. Like I mentioned, Nico was doing a print comparison, evidence from the other crime scenes. Here, I can show you.” Will fishes the printout from his pocket, unfolding it and offering it to Luke.

Luke just scowls at the paper, though, seemingly reluctant to even touch it. “What the fuck is that?”

“These are Tooms’ prints.” Will taps the paper. “And these are the ones Nico lifted from the third crime scene.” He indicates the elongated prints.

“Your partner doesn’t even understand elementary print collection,” Luke says, disbelieving.

“I know they look strange, but they’re a match –” Will tries.

“You can go ahead and tell your partner to leave those prints alone,” Luke says with finality.

Will lets out a breath, sharp. “Look, Luke. You’re the one who asked for our input on this. Why bother if you’re going to block our investigation at every turn?”

“I’m not blocking your investigation,” Luke says, his voice rising. “Your partner’s got a screw loose. Did you hear those questions during the polygraph last night?”

Will’s in no mood for further argument. “I’m going back to the office. I’ll check in with you and Annabeth later,” he says.

Luke scoffs. “You know, Annabeth said di Angelo was a good agent, that we’d stand a better chance of solving this thing with him on board. So far, all I see is the two of you slowing us down.”

“Luke, Nico’s been working his ass off on this case. He’s found evidence of historical murders with the same MO –”

Luke doesn’t even seem to be listening. “Di Angelo had a decent reputation, back when he worked for Violent Crimes, but he’s lost his marbles working down in that basement.”

Will opens his mouth to protest, but Luke continues –

“You know, maybe it is for the best, that we’ve got the two of you on this case. Maybe your department needs to be exposed for what it really is. Octavian’s wanted the X-Files shut down for years.” Luke pauses. “He’s a buddy of mine, you know.”

Will blinks, a chill running through him. “Are you threatening us?”

Luke hesitates. When he speaks again, his tone is slightly more conciliatory. “Just trying to give you some friendly advice, Will. Give it some thought.”

Will shakes his head, turning to leave.

“Hey,” Luke says, sharp, a hand on Will’s shoulder. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”

Will jerks away from the touch. “The victim’s, Luke.”

Will fully expects a (completely justified) rant about Luke’s behavior on the drive back to the office. Nico’s uncharacteristically quiet, though, shooting Will an appraising look as he eases himself into the passenger seat and then flicking the radio on low. Will closes his eyes, tilting his head against the cool glass of the window.

“You okay?” Nico finally asks as they let themselves into the basement office.

“Headache,” Will says, short, dropping into his chair. He rubs at the bridge of his nose.

Nico hums in understanding. He digs in a drawer for a moment. “Tylenol?” He shakes the bottle at Will.

“Please.”

Nico tosses the little bottle across the office, a neat shot that should have landed directly in Will’s outstretched palm. Will fumbles it and sighs, dropping out of his chair to crawl under his desk.

Nico laughs, but when Will surfaces again, the other man is on his feet, a sympathetic look on his face.

“Where are you off to?” Will asks, blearily looking around for his water bottle.

“Coffee. I think you need it.” Nico says simply, a squeeze to Will’s shoulder as he walks past, collecting his coat at the door.

“God, yes,” Will groans, dropping his head heavily to the desk. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?” He’s tired and muddled and the words are out before he realizes what he’s said. He freezes, head to the wood of his desk, feeling his face heat.

There’s a pause across the room, then a huff of laughter. “I’ll be right back,” Nico says, his voice softer than before.

Will’s mostly recovered his composure by the time Nico returns with the coffee, flipping through files with (finally) a pastry on a paper napkin next to him. When Nico hands over the Dunkin’ cup, Will accepts it gratefully, taking a small sip and then several gulps after determining the temperature is below-scalding. He glances up to see Nico watching him, something soft in his gaze.

“What?” Will laughs, self-conscious. Nico shakes his head, smiling. A second later Will feels Nico’s touch at his wrist, making his stomach lurch pleasantly; a brush of fingers over bare skin.

Will blinks up at the other man.

“Didn’t realize it was formal Wednesday,” Nico says, his voice catching lower than Will expected.

“Oh,” Will laughs, flustered, glancing down to the silver cufflinks he put on this morning. “Those were my dad’s. My mom gave them to me when I was in Fort Worth.”

“Nice,” Nico murmurs. They gaze at each other for a moment, heat buzzing in the air between them. There’s something unreadable in Nico’s expression. Something thoughtful, maybe resolving. Something warm.

Will glances away, suddenly eager for a change of subject.

“You know, I think I’d like to see if they’ve got the autopsy report yet – from the victim at the office building,” Will says.

Nico nods. “Yeah, good idea. You gonna head upstairs?”

“Yeah.” Will stands. He supposes he’ll have to. He’d prefer to avoid interacting with Luke as much as he can, honestly. But he at least can pretend to be a grown up about this.

“You won’t be offended if I don’t come along?” Nico asks, dry. “I’m not sure my presence would be appreciated.”

“No, you don’t have to come.” Will makes a face. “Look, I’m – I’m sorry about Luke. I didn’t have any idea he was going to be… the way he’s been.”

Nico shakes his head, dismissive. “Definitely not your fault.”

Will takes the stairs up to the second floor, giving himself a bit more time to mentally prepare. The gods must be smiling on him, anyway, because when he reaches the Violent Crimes section, it’s quiet, Luke’s cubicle empty. Will rounds the partition to Annabeth’s, knocking softly on the dividing wall.

Annabeth’s head rises at the sound.

“Hey, do you have a minute?” Will asks.

“Yeah, of course,” Annabeth smiles. “Here, pull up a chair. Luke just left for lunch.”

“Oh,” Will says, “that’s – that’s good to know.” He hopes his relief isn’t too obvious. But it probably is. He can feel the throbbing in his head decrease by a couple of degrees.

Annabeth’s lips twitch. “Yeah,” she agrees. “I was just going over the autopsy report from the third victim –”

“Oh, perfect. That’s mostly why I came up here.” Will grabs a chair from the corner, pulling up next to Annabeth when she shifts to make room.

“It’s odd,” Annabeth’s saying, thoughtful. “What do you make of this?” She flips to the third page in the report, the toxicology screen, tapping a line with her finger and pushing it over to Will.

Will reads it over, frowning. “They found… evidence of an unknown sedative compound. That is odd.”

“Yes. It looks to be something that was ingested very shortly before the victim’s demise.”

“So something administered by the murderer, maybe?” Will asks, scanning down the rest of the page.”

“That’s what I’m thinking,” Annabeth agrees. “No obvious site of administration, though, and the perpetrator doesn’t seem to have used any substance that the tox screen recognized.”

“Anything similar on the previous autopsies?” Will asks.

“Nothing so obvious,” Annabeth says. “There were some wonky tox results on the first victim, but nothing as specific as this. And you know what else is strange,” Annabeth continues, flipping a couple of pages, “there’s no one living at the address Tooms provided at the police station.”

“Sketchy,” Will says. “Was it an old address, maybe?”

“That’s what I thought too,” Annabeth says, “but there’s no record of him ever living in that apartment, or any others in that block. I checked with the building management this morning.”

There’s an uncomfortable knot in Will’s stomach, growing. Luke’s positive that Tooms isn’t the guy, but there are just too many coincidences to ignore. He thinks back to his long-distance call this morning, a mother halfway across the world still mourning her son decades later.

“Hey, back at the crime scene, you mentioned some fingerprint evidence,” Annabeth says.

“Yeah,” Will says slowly.

“Not ready to share with the class yet?” Annabeth smiles.

Will sighs. “No. It’s not that. Just –” He glances around the cubicle farm, but there doesn’t seem to be anyone nearby. “I – I don’t want to cause problems. For Nico.”

Annabeth’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”

Will grimaces, wondering how much he should share. The idea of getting some of the weight off his chest is tempting. And he’s not worried about Annabeth reporting everything he says to Luke.

“Luke… doesn’t like Nico. Obviously,” Will begins. He chances a glance to Annabeth, who looks sympathetic. “And I know that Octavian isn’t a big fan of Nico’s either, or of our department. Luke – he mentioned something earlier, at the crime scene. He kind of alluded to being friends with Octavian, that Luke would report back to him, if he thought Nico wasn’t… handling things the way Luke thought he should,” Will finishes, awkward. He really doesn’t like the feeling that he’s trying to tattle on Luke – never mind that Luke just threatened to do the same to Nico. But he’s feeling nauseous and exhausted about the whole thing. It feels a tiny bit better telling Annabeth.

Annabeth taps her pen on her desk, a twist to her mouth. “Well,” she says finally, “last I checked, Octavian didn’t have any friends.”

Will breathes out a laugh, nervous.

“I won’t tell you not to worry about it, but I think Luke’s mostly just blowing off steam, to be honest,” Annabeth says. “I don’t believe he has a closer relationship to Octavian than anyone else in the department. And Luke certainly isn’t Nico’s supervisor, or yours.”

Will feels that impulse he always does, to smooth things over, to reassure that he’s okay. “Thanks, Annabeth. That’s – good to hear. And look, I know this is Luke’s case, and I definitely don’t want to be the one to step on his toes, or to be responsible for bringing Nico into a situation where he does the same thing –”

“It’s not just Luke’s case,” Annabeth interrupts. “It’s our case.”

“Oh.” Will frowns, diverted. “He – he said something about your section leader being involved in another case, so Luke was running this one on his own –”

Annabeth’s eyebrows rise higher and higher as Will stammers out this sentence, and Will feels himself going red with realization.

“Oh shit.” Will presses a hand over his mouth.

“Yeah,” Annabeth agrees, unimpressed. “Our section leader is away, yes. So Luke and I were asked to lead this case.”

“He – he didn’t – specifically mention that,” Will says haltingly. “I’m – I’m sorry, Annabeth. I didn’t mean to –”

Annabeth’s already shaking her head. “You know what? Don’t worry about it. It’s not entirely surprising to me. But I’m glad you mentioned it. Even if you didn’t mean to.”

Will lets out a breath. “This is why they keep me in the basement,” he mutters. “So I can’t embarrass myself by talking to my colleagues.”

Annabeth lets out a laugh. “Really, don’t worry about it. I’d love to hear about the fingerprint evidence, though. If you feel comfortable telling me.”

“I showed the prints to Luke this morning – I don’t know if he mentioned…” Will trails off as Annabeth’s mouth twists into a frown.

“He didn’t,” she says.

Will sighs. “Okay. I’ll give you the run-down, then.” Will is hesitant at first – because Nico’s findings are honestly bizarre and as much as he’s gotten used to bizarre in the basement, up here in the noonday light shining over the cubicles, he knows that things tend to fit better into boxes. He and Annabeth have similar backgrounds – medicine, science. There’s no reason for her to accept something that doesn’t seem to make any sense.

“That’s incredible,” Annabeth says, something like wonder in her eyes. “I’d love to have a look at the prints later. Have you thought of any explanation for them being elongated like that?”

“It’s weird, right?” Will agrees, excitement growing with such an easy reception. “I’d thought of some disorder like Ehlers-Danlos, where the skin has increased elasticity, but this is extreme.”

Annabeth nods. “Maybe… I wonder if there could be an extreme manifestation of that disorder, something that’s never been documented. Or maybe some condition that would cause a rapid increase in collagen. If Nico truly thinks the murderer is accessing the victims through the ductwork… something like that might make sense, right? An extreme variant of a disorder that causes hypermobility?”

“Definitely,” Will agrees.

Annabeth’s phone buzzes on her desk. “Oh shoot, I’ve got a meeting in five minutes,” she says, distracted. “I’d love to talk more about this though, and I’d love to come have a look at the prints.”

They both rise. “That would be great. Any time,” Will says, sincere.

“Walk with me down to the main floor?” Annabeth says.

“Sure.” Will stands, following Annabeth out of the cubicle maze.

“Hey, it was good talking to you,” he says as they enter the stairwell. It really was. Will feels as if some of the weight’s been lifted from his shoulders.

“You too,” Annabeth smiles. “I always liked our chats when I was at Quantico.”

Will catches sight of the cafeteria sign as they exit the stairwell at the main floor. “Oh, meatball soup today,” he says. “I better go tell Nico. He gets grouchy when he misses meatball soup day.”

“I’ve never tried the meatball soup,” Annabeth says. “Is it good?”

“Well.” Will makes a face. “It’s –” He shoots a quick look around the lobby. “To be completely honest, it’s pretty mediocre. But Nico was so excited for me to try it the first time I just – I didn’t want to disappoint him.”

Annabeth smiles. “Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

Nico’s very interested in the updates from Annabeth, and he and Will discuss matters as they take the elevator to the eighth floor, and as they make their way through the cafeteria line and then through their meatball soup. They’re in the stairwell, heading back down to the basement when Will remembers – “Annabeth mentioned that Alexandria PD checked out Tooms’ apartment, looks like it was a cover. No one’s lived there in years.”

“Well that’s suspicious.”

Nico’s quiet as they reach the basement and unlock the office. He crosses to his desk, digging for a file. “What was the address of Tooms’ apartment?”

“Um – an apartment building on Carrington Place, I think,” Will says. “I can’t remember the number.”

Nico considers the file for a long moment before looking back to Will. “I have an idea,” he says, slow.

“When do you not?” Will grins. He shifts to sit on the edge of his desk.

Nico ignores this. “103-66 Exeter Street.”

“What’s there?”

“Well,” Nico begins, “I was looking through the historical files, while you were upstairs earlier. One of the victims in 1909 was killed at 66 Exeter. Another was killed two blocks away. 66 Exeter was the address listed for one Eugene Victor Tooms in 1909.”

“Interesting,” Will says. “That’s got to be… what? A grandfather? Great-grandfather?” He’s beginning to feel the tell-tale post-lunch desire for a nap and it feels difficult to force his brain into mathematical calculations.

“Possibly,” Nico allows. “But what about the prints? Prints from 1909 are a match to the ones taken yesterday.”

“That could be genetics,” Will says slowly, though he’s not really convinced himself. “It might also explain other patterns, the sociopathic attitudes and behavior. It begins with one family member, who raises the next, who raises the next…”

Nico looks skeptical. “Could be.”

“Do you think Tooms is living in the building on Exeter?”

“I think someone is,” Nico says rather mysteriously. He stands from his desk, a familiar glint in his eye. “Wanna go for a drive?”

Will lets out a jaw-cracking yawn as Nico parks on Exeter Street. He hears Nico snort beside him. It’s a brisk, sunny day, a nice change of pace from the dim basement and the stiff tension at the murder scene this morning. Will takes a deep breath of spring air as he steps out of the car, taking a second to turn his face up to the sunlight. As much as he’s grown to love the cozy basement office, he does sometimes miss having a window, the opportunity to follow the passage of the sun across the sky over the day.

Will looks over to see Nico watching him, a small smile on his face.

“Beautiful day to solve a murder,” Nico says.

It’s a short walk up the block to number 66. The street is filled with derelict buildings, some boarded up. None look habitable. They climb the cement stairs together. The entrance to the building was probably pretty at one time, two tall wooden doors with little crescent windows at the top. Now, though, one door is missing entirely, a pane of glass broken in the one still standing.

The building is dark once they leave the front entryway and both men reach for their flashlights. Will takes a moment to scan the hallway, blinking as his eyes adjust. The place is dilapidated, but it doesn’t look to be in any immediate danger of collapse. They pause, checking the numbers on the dusty doors. Down the hall there’s a skittering; some variety of small animal, probably.

“This way,” Nico says, muted in the dusty hall, and Will follows. They near the end of the hallway and the door to 103 swings open at Nico’s touch.

It’s a small apartment, bare but for some debris around the edges of the room, filtered sunlight attempting to penetrate a dirty window on the far wall. Will crosses the room to scan a small bedroom off to the side, the smaller room in a similar state, the single window boarded up. The whole place smells sour, something rotten catching at the back of Will’s throat. He suppresses a shudder.

He can’t help glancing over his shoulder, squinting into every corner, though he’s sure the room is empty. It feels claustrophobic somehow, closing in. Will’s back in the main room of the apartment quickly, reluctant to linger.

“Nothing in the bedroom,” Will says, his voice coming back to him in the empty space.

“Look at this,” Nico says, quiet. He’s in the corner, his attention on a battered mattress propped up against the wall. He tucks his flashlight under his arm and pulls on latex gloves.

Will approaches, donning gloves as well. Together, they shift the mattress and lower it to the floor, careful not to stir up too much dust.

“Jesus,” Will murmurs, blinking at a hole in the wall that had been hidden by the mattress.

Both men approach the opening cautiously, but the floor surrounding it seems solid enough. There seems to be a ladder inside, leading to somewhere below. Nico crouches and presses on the wall around the opening, testing the integrity of the plaster. He grabs a hold of the top rung of the ladder, gives it a shake. It doesn’t budge.

Nico turns, quirking an eyebrow. “Spot me?”

Will grimaces, but takes a step closer. There’s a creeping feeling here, visceral and wrong, something he can’t quite put his finger on. He opens his mouth to voice this to his partner, despite the fact that he doesn’t think he can explain why this feels like such a bad idea. He’s well aware that “I have a bad feeling about this” isn’t scientific in any way.

But before Will can think it through any further, Nico’s through the opening, a nimble climb down to whatever lies beneath. Will hesitates, wondering if it’s more prudent to stay above in case he needs to call for backup, or an ambulance if the ladder isn’t as sturdy as it looks. But the bottom appears to be only a story below, and Will sighs, turning to follow his partner down. He finds his footing a moment after Nico, who automatically reaches a hand out to steady him as Will misses the last rung.

They pause, casting flashlight beams around the dark space they’ve found themselves in. The smell is worse down here; damp and mildewy. Something rotting.

“Looks like an old coal cellar,” Will says, low. There’s no reason to keep their voices down, not really, but, there’s a strange, pressing feeling, like they’re being watched. Or stalked. Will flicks his flashlight back on, his other hand brushing the gun at his belt, just making sure.

The smell of rot grows stronger the further in they walk, the air cool and clammy. The ceiling is low enough that Will has to duck to avoid pipes. Clinging cobwebs catch on their hair and the concrete floor is cracked and uneven. The close atmosphere combined with the stench and the pounding behind Will’s eyes is making him queasy.

At the far end of the cellar there’s a bend in the building, what looks like it could lead to a room, or a hallway, but it turns out to be more of a nook, plaster crumbling to the floor.

Nico approaches for a closer look, cautious.

“Careful,” Will murmurs. “That wall looks like it might come down on you.” The source of the smell must be nearby. Will’s eyes are watering.

“No,” Nico says slowly, looking it over. “I don’t think it’s part of the building’s structure. Someone… made this.”

“What?”

“Look,” Nico takes a step to the side so Will can approach. The sight before them doesn’t make sense at first, revealed in increments by the twin flashlight beams. But as Will looks longer, he realizes it’s a mess of rags and bits of newspaper, somehow all glued together into a misshapen structure that seems to have become part of the wall around it.

“This is a nest,” Nico says, equal parts amazed and horrified. Still clad in latex gloves, he presses his fingers against the structure. The surface gives under his touch and then slowly regains its shape when Nico pulls back. Something green oozes out. Will leans closer, wanting a better look but not eager to touch. Then, he draws back suddenly, fighting down a gag.

“It looks like – the green stuff – I think it’s bile.” Will takes another step back. “How is that – do you think someone lives in there?” His brain is fighting to make sense of this at the same time as it’s screaming at him to run.

Nico gazes at the structure, an abomination of a paper mache. “I don’t think anyone lives in there so much as… hibernates.”

Will shudders. He’s not sure he’s ever wanted to get away from a place faster. He glances over his shoulder, convulsive, feeling more than ever that there are eyes on him. “Hibernates?” he asks under his breath.

“Imagine if…” Nico takes a step back from the wall and turns to Will, his eyes serious in the dark space. “What if some genetic mutation could allow a man to awaken every few decades? And what if he could sustain himself for that hibernation period by consuming human livers?”

The horror Will’s feeling is somewhat mirrored on his partner’s face, but there’s also that familiar look of amazement and discovery in Nico’s dark eyes.

“What would - what could the evolutionary advantage be? To such a mutation?” Will asks, trying for reasonable. He’s still half-trying to convince himself that this cannot be possible. But he can’t help but think of the bizarre, elongated prints. The unidentified substance on the autopsy report. The impossible points of entry. If those things can be true, why not this?

Nico pauses, his gaze drifting. “Hard to say. I mean, longevity, I suppose?”

“To what end? And what about… reproduction?”

“Yeah,” Nico says thoughtfully, seemingly not particularly put off by having this discussion in the crumbling basement of a lair possibly belonging to a genetically mutated serial killer. “Good point.”

“In any case”, Will says. “He’s not here now, but he’s going to come back. At some point.” He glances over his shoulder again, nervous. “Can we – why don’t we get a sample from this… nest.” Will grimaces, approaching the wall again and digging in his coat pocket for a sample tube.

There’s just so much of the green gunk, everywhere. He’s more aware of it the longer he looks, seeping out in gluey drips and congealed to a brownish yellow across the surface like some kind of horrible glaze. Will carefully collects a sample, dropping the little vial into his coat pocket. It definitely looks like bile, but… more gluey. Viscous. And bile doesn’t have much of a smell. But Will feels certain it’s related. He’s not usually so squeamish about possible bodily fluids, but this one just feels so wrong.

“We need to stake this place out,” Nico is saying. sounding much more certain than Will feels. His eyes flick to Will’s, maybe reading hesitation there. “You don’t think so?”

“No, I do…” Will says, gazing somewhat longingly toward the hole they climbed through, the path back to the upper world. “I’m just wondering how we’re going to spin it so Luke agrees.”

Nico’s brow furrows. “Since when do you care about Luke’s agreement?”

Will sighs. His stomach twists again, the memory of Luke’s threats just a few hours ago. If this was any other case, he’d be more than willing to follow Nico’s lead. But he’s more and more worried about Nico leading himself right out of a job. “Look, this is bizarre, and definitely suspicious. But you know how Luke is. He’s going to want something more solid to go on before he’s willing to admit you’re right.”

Nico doesn’t answer, turned away to examine the nest. Will tries again.

“Maybe we can run some forensics first. Or present it to Annabeth,” Will says, thinking aloud. “She’ll be reasonable.” His head is still pounding and the smell is really getting to him.

“This is reasonable,” Nico says, voice rising. “Look around you. You’ve got an oozing paper mache bile nest, a secret hibernation hideout at the suspect’s last known address. How much more reasonable do we need to be?”

Will blinks, a little caught off-guard by the intensity of his partner’s reaction. Nico seems to read it on his face.

“Sorry.” Nico shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to direct that at you. I’m just – it’s frustrating. This whole case just takes me right back to when I was working at Violent Crimes – I felt like I was never being taken seriously. Like I was some kind of joke.”

Will nods in understanding. “There are more than a few dickheads in that department. Clawing their way to whatever they think the top is.”

“Yeah,” Nico says, deflating a bit. “You’re right, though. We can try to get along before we try anything else. Let’s get some forensic evidence and see how that pans out before we investigate this site any further.”

Will nods.

“Hey, look at this,” Nico says suddenly, crouching and angling his flashlight downwards. Will peers over Nico’s shoulder.

There’s the glint of metal, and when Will looks closer, he sees a row of small objects lined up against the wall beside the nest. The horrible green substance has trickled out across the floor here, seeping into cracks, a gooey line partially obscuring most of the objects.

“They’re trophies,” Nico says, horrified.

“Fuck,” Will breaths out. “Are you sure?”

Nico glances up. “Yeah, I’d be willing to bet. We should take note of what’s here and compare it with the case files back at the office.”

“Should we just take them as evidence?”

Nico hesitates. “No. I don’t think we want him to know we’ve been here, if we can help it.” With a gloved fingertip, Nico gently prods at one of the objects; a tie clip, maybe, or a barrette. It doesn’t budge, glued to the floor with the greenish-brown goo. “We won’t even be able to move most of these without it being obvious that we’ve disturbed them,” he mutters. Then – “look at this one, on the very end.”

Will squints. The trinket is larger than most of the others, a shiny gold disc. It’s cleaner than the other items, too, like perhaps it was only placed there recently. “A pocket watch?”

“Pretty sure the most recent victim was missing a pocket watch,” Nico says. He nudges it. It’s the only object that seems to be completely free of gunk. “We should be able to get prints off it, too.” He fishes around in his jacket pockets, pulling out a notepad and paper. “Fuck, I forgot my camera.”

“Oh – I brought the new one,” Will says, reaching into his own coat pocket.

“Amazing.” Nico accepts the camera, snapping a few pictures before handing the notepad to Will. “Here. Can you take dictation? Your handwriting is better than mine.” He gives Will a sympathetic look. “And then you can move a little further away from the stench. You’re looking green.”

When Will arrives the next morning, he’s anxious and underslept, his head still lightly throbbing. He’d had the same dream over and over last night, each time he managed to drift off; vague visions of a man appearing in his bedroom, watching him in the dark. It had spooked him so badly he’d had to sleep with the light on.

He gives Nico a vague wave and a half-smile when he enters the office, hanging his coat and crossing to drop heavily into his chair.

“Everything okay?” comes Nico’s voice.

Will turns, making a valiant attempt to look more alive than he feels. “Yeah. Just couldn’t sleep.” He yawns hugely.

Nico hums in sympathy. “Coffee’s on,” he says, nodding at the little five-cupper on the counter, just gurgling out the last few drops to fill the pot.

“Yay,” Will says, rising instantly and making a beeline for the pot. “You want some too?”

“Yeah, please.”

“Hey, what do you think about this?” Nico asks when Will brings his coffee over, setting it carefully in the few square inches of available real estate on the desk.

Nico taps a file. “This is one of the victims from 1939. There’s a pretty thorough description of what the victim was wearing when she went missing. No photos, unfortunately, but it mentions a bracelet – gold with two small rubies.”

Will nods, remembering Nico’s dictation yesterday. “Yeah, that sounds like it matches up. I remember a gold bracelet. Can I see the camera?”

Will scans through the pictures Nico took at Exeter yesterday, finally finding the bracelet. “Too bad the light wasn’t better,” he muses. “But this could definitely be the one.” He turns the camera to show Nico, who nods, serious.

“Hey,” Will says, flipping through the photos more slowly now. “Nolan Campbell – the victim whose mother I was talking to – she said Nolan was wearing his dad’s class ring when he went missing. There were a couple of rings, weren’t there?” Will clicks back and forth between several poorly-exposed photos. “Do you think this could be a class ring?” he asks Nico, turning the camera again.

Nico squints at it, then takes the camera from Will, turning it slightly. “Yeah, that could be it. It was kind of half-buried in a crevice, remember? It definitely had that kind of signet shape.” Nico continues to poke at buttons, trying to zoom in, grimacing at the little screen.

“God, I’d love to get that ring back to his mom,” Will says, his voice going rough.

Nico looks up, a sympathetic twist to his mouth. Will shakes his head. He really doesn’t want to get back into that right now. “Did you find any other matches?” he asks.

“Yeah, one more.” Nico sets the camera down, reaching for another file. “There was a silver ring – one of the 1909 victims. No further description – so that could match. And then I was thinking about the article you found, about the animal attack –”

“Yeah, me too,” Will agrees. “Field trip to the library?”

Nico beams.

(here is part 2 of chapter 6!)

#nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #x-files au #annabeth chase #luke castellan #reyna ramirez arellano #rated teen #casefic #fluff and angst #still slow burning along #tw: kidnapping #my writing

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maiji · 9 months ago

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Me elsewhere

I've been reducing my tumblr activity for a while, and the recent goings-on do not inspire me to reverse course.

For now I'm still around and keeping an eye on things, but for obvious reasons I have been extremely unmotivated to post any of my work here. I'm definitely very actively making stuff though! If you're interested in my art, comics, writing, poetry etc. you can find me at:

🌼 humangray.com: my own site! It will have links to where I am active. At present two of my most active online presences are Pillowfort and Mastodon.

🛌 Pillowfort: I've been here for a few years, and it's my favourite social media site to post stuff on right now. It's quiet and cozy, so don't expect the environment of a roaring corporate algorithm/monetize-the-users-and-interaction-driven platform, which is probably exactly why I like it so much. (People often compare it to ye old LiveJournal experience, and while it is its own thing in a different day and age, I do feel and get the comparison.) It's one of the few places where I find it relatively seamless to post individual images, comics, and long walls of text. I also greatly appreciate their mission, values and policies a lot. The more I live the more I want to be, and am trying to be, more mindful about the kind of world I want to support with my time and energy, so that is a big deal to me. (If you're interested in checking Pillowfort out and need an invite link, feel free to drop a message into my askbox! If I've got any invites at the time I'll send you one!)

🐘 Mastodon: I went to Mastodon when Twitter started going (majorly) sideways, mainly looking for a place to follow science and healthcare news in a digestible bits-and-bites kind of experience. I appreciate the concept of the decentralized approach and how proactive the administration can be on some instances to create a safe space for their users. Again, there's a coziness to it that I appreciate. I ended up really liking like the instance I'm on, and also really enjoying the interactions I've been able to have. Lots of interesting people and lots of interesting things cross my feed every day, and I've already fallen into the habit of spamming friends with links of things I see there. Which is like the grand tradition of social media!

Meanwhile, with regards to stuff on tumblr, I'm scratching my head a little on what to do with North Bound.

The way things are shaping up, I'm not likely to post new parts on tumblr at present, but if I post them elsewhere, I may still link to them from the masterpost.

What I'm not sure about is the linking back to tumblr posts for the older parts. While the existing art, comics, stories, are already available elsewhere, so much of the original commentary only exists here. They're not really essential to the work, I suppose, but I still get a laugh out of reading my notes sometimes.

Anyways, North Bound is still very much an active project at present, and if you're interested in it, follow me on Pillowfort (or Mastodon, but it'll probably be on PF first) for updates! And/or keep an eye on the non-tumblr links in the masterpost, mainly AO3 and Pixiv, where bulk updates will be collected.

#pillowfort #mastodon #art by maiji/mary huang #yyh north bound #tumblr i am disappoints

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griseldagimpel · 11 months ago

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Politicians Are Tools. Use Them.

I want to do a bit of a general strategy post for the U.S. government structure, the gist of which is that I think voters should approach politicians from the perspective of, "Will they get done the shit I want them to get done?" Like, there are other things to consider, such as, "Will they refrain from committing malfeasance?" but my point is, I wouldn't look to politicians to be heroes. Rather, they are tools to be used to accomplish a goal.

Legislative Branch

For the legislative branch, there are more positions than the executive branch, and there is less in the way of term limits. There are also fewer total positions as one progresses from local to state to federal.

When looking at the legislative branch, some politicians are looking to advance their careers with the ultimate goal of Become President, while others are looking for a cushy job they can do for thirty years.

It's good to keep that in mind because the legislative branch is all about block voting. And, now, political parties can be a short-hand for a block voting, but they are no inherently blocking voting in and of themselves. An independent who reliably votes with my party is more valuable than a purported member of my part who's a grandstanding asshole that torpedoes legislation I wanted to pass.

Anyway, with the legislative branch, sometimes you get politicians who are, how shall we say, a hair cut with a nice suit utterly lacking in charisma, but you know what? If they reliably vote for legislation I want passed (and refrain from committing malfeasance), they're worth voting for. The legislative branch is a group project, and while the party needs leaders who will really champion a cause, my specific legislator may contribute even if they aren't that person.

Now note here that "reliably vote for legislation I want passed" means just that. It doesn't mean "calls oneself a moderate". (Or "calls oneself a progressive", for that matter.) A politician can call oneself a moderate (or anything else) and be a grandstanding asshole who torpedoes legislation I wanted to pass. It's about what they do, not about what labels they apply to themselves.

Executive Branch

Executive branch positions appoint people to run departments and as justices, so "Who will they appoint?" is an important thing to consider when evaluating them. Like, executive branch positions also veto or sign legislation, but as long as they're someone who follows the party line, then "Which party do they belong to?" is going to be a pretty good indicator of how they're going to behave there.

Watch coverage of the presidential races, and it's seriously boggling how often presidential candidates are asked about their legislative agenda. Legislation ain't the president's job. It's not something they can do! They can make suggestions, but at the end of the day, they're can generally be counted on to sign the stuff their party passes (or helps pass, in the case of bipartisan legislation) and veto the stuff the other party passes. You get exceptions, of course, but overall, that's the trend you'll get.

Another big thing about executive branch positions is that they're supposed to handle shit in a crisis, so you really don't want someone who's just a haircut in a nice suit. You want someone who can take charge when there's chaos. For that matter, you also don't want someone who'll be a petty asshole about, like, aid money.

Finally, at the federal level, the executive branch handles foreign policy, but foreign policy tends to have some stability (which is NOT necessarily a good thing) since presidents usually aren't going to upend longstanding alliances and whatnot. There's still evaluations that can be made here, though, so "How are they going to handle diplomacy?" is a question to consider.

Judicial Branch

These positions aren't always voted on - or sometimes you can only vote to fire them - but justices have so much power to shape how laws are implemented. They can be really difficult to evaluate - they're usually officially non-partisan, which means there's no short hand to go off of - but looking at previous court cases and endorsements can help give an idea if you want them or not.

#politics #government

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subqtaneoussmut · 1 year ago

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The Tea Girl's Gambit, Chapter Eight

She prowled onto the lecture stage like a mountain cat and I could only stare.

Aralia Cordivar was young—later I would learn that she was the youngest person ever admitted to Harmine, and the youngest person to become head of Laboratories for Special Research, and the first woman. A Imperial-grade savant. She was actually only a year or two older than me, and yet she seemed so fully realized, so powerful, so confident. Her dark hair was close-cropped, her lips full, her golden-orbed gaze intent as it swept the rows. She waited for the lecture hall to hush, and as it filled with silence, it seemed to fill also with her presence.

“I am here because Master Yvell has asked me to introduce a new field of alchemical study, based on my team’s groundbreaking new work in the Special Research division. This past year, Harmine researchers have isolated the very alchemical Principles of Manhood. We have succeeded in inducing, regulating, revising, and precluding the reproductive traits and sex characteristics of the flesh. This has given us the ability to corral and unmake certain Unhygienic Degeneracies and to accelerate and amplify Hygienic Virtues, with rapidly increasing precision. Very soon, the announcements of our historic findings will herald brand new directions for Imperial Social Hygiene policy in every institution and at every level of society.”

A murmur and rustle of excitement had been building. She waited for it to peak and recede.

“Provisionally, we have been calling this new field Apomasaics. Beginning next term, I will be teaching the first ever introductory course. The expansion of research into this new field has been given high priority by the Imperial Social Hygiene Review Board. Upon completion of the course, students will become eligible to propose their own research topics and design their own experiments. I should not need to tell you that research that helps lay the groundwork for new Imperial policy will be prioritized. There will be two hundred spots available in the course. My team will screen applicants based on merit, and merit alone. Report to Special Research by the fifteenth for instructions. I regret that I will not be taking questions.”

She swept off the lecture stage to a storm of applause, pleas, demands and shouted questions. I watched the hubbub for a minute, stunned, then I gathered my things. I left the alchemy halls and took a shortcut through another maze-like building of empty classrooms and then a botany greenhouse, through a courtyard, to the entrance hall of the massive library.

The Harmine Archives were a wonder of the world. As big as several granaries stacked together above ground, it was also a chambered nautilus shell spiraling deep belowground—a single vast ramp unfurling and gradually narrowing, with wings extending off of it. I had been in such awe of this place when I first arrived. Right now, I couldn’t seem to pay much attention to my surroundings.

I passed the front desk and wandered downwards on a richly dyed red carpet, passing endless recessed terraces of long wooden bookshelves, my mind spinning. Eventually, I chose a terrace and turned to follow it, walking the narrow way between two tall bookshelves. After a while, one of the bookshelves parted to make way for a doorway. Past it, there was a sunken alcove with a few desks and armchairs in it. An alchemical lamp gave off a steady golden glow. I descended into the cozy space and slumped onto a couch, my arm draped over my eyes.

I remembered when Gresha told me she could prepare me to take the merit exams, and I imagined taking them as akin to getting on a ship to a distant realm. The same feeling was in me now. That tiny circle of light had opened in my belly, a dark yet clear lantern of desire—where to go towards, what I needed, how to choose. Already a wild idea—not yet a plan—was taking shape in the deepest part of me.

I sat up. If I did this...

This time there would be no mentor to guide me. I was, in fact, staggeringly alone. And yet, I could not believe how lucky, how well-positioned I was. It seemed like pure magic that I was, of all possible places, here, and of all possible times, now. Every vagary and nuance of circumstance in the world and in history had evidently, and yet impossibly, placed me in this privileged position of opportunity. The opportunity to actually—

I flinched from naming it clearly in the front of my mind. The blockades of silence I had laid around my un-admittable desire were so strong. My whole body itched with heat as unbearable shame clutched and tore at my insides. The memory of Carame looking at me, unreadable face cast in deep shadow by the white chemical light. Kisma looking at me, stricken. The jeering voices of the town children—perverts—kuffa—degenerates.

I jumped up and began to pace. Was this a huge mistake? What a few moments before seemed like divine providence suddenly sounded harebrained, far too risky. I would be certainly be inquisitioned if I were caught, perhaps sent for reconditioning, disappeared, even executed. Actually going through with this idea felt akin to stepping off a cliff into thin air and expecting to walk straight out over nothingness. My marrow itself crawled with the terror of falling and breaking on the rocks. Better to stay perfectly still, not draw any attention, and remain undetectable. Hide inside my own skin. I knew that was the sound strategy. I knew it worked. I was, after, all, unutterably alone.

Oh, I missed—I missed Heather. If she were here, she would grab me and stop me from pacing, lead me to the couch, sit me down. She would talk to me in her firm, trustworthy voice, and get me to stop breathing so fast. I slumped back onto the couch.

If Gresha were here, she wouldn’t think much of me for spinning around in a thought-circle until I tripped over myself and fell over. Gresha was a chemist at heart. She would grunt one word at me and that word would be ‘titration’. She would probably even make me recite a definition of titration, to calm me down.

Titration is the chemist’s strategy for combining volatile reagents. Any mixing of substances that causes a reaction—such as an explosion— can be prevented from causing that reaction by mixing the substances more slowly and in smaller amounts. I remembered Gresha positioning me over a beaker in the Foundry with a dropper, pointing at the gear-clock on the wall. “Every four hundred seconds, add another drop,” she husked, before stalking away to work on something else.

Right now, I was the volatile reaction. My panic, my shame, my overwhelm. So what were the over-mixed substances? This wild plan was definitely one of them, and the other was...perhaps the consequences of its failure? Well, I had no control over the second element. It was so much larger than me. But the first I could approach more slowly, in smaller pieces. It was clearly too soon to consider the whole thing right now, anyway. I could go about setting the preliminary elements into motion without committing to anything. I was nowhere near the precipice yet—the threshold of true embarkation, beyond which there was no retreat back to safety.

All I had to do now was focus on the next part, then the next part, then the part after that. Slower and smaller bites. That was all. I sagged into the couch.

This had been a long, hard day already, and it was barely noon. All I wanted to do was go find a book to curl up with and turn off my brain. Which was too bad, because it was probably time to eat lunch and go to my next class.

~ ~ ~

The next day I presented myself at the Special Research laboratories. A clerk pulled my file and flipped through it, stopping a few times to copy information over to another form. I craned my neck and he noticed.

“Your merit exam scores,” he said, by way of explanation.

He flipped through a few more pages.

“No hygienic infractions on record, no foreign implications or correspondences...you appear to be a good candidate.”

He slapped the file closed lightly. “You should hear back from us by the start of next term.”

I was turning to leave when he placed his right hand over his heart in the loyalty salute and recited, “Honor, Pride, Duty.”

He looked at me expectantly with sharp, pale eyes. My file was still in front of him. Frozen in place, I mumbled the words back to him. He nodded at me. I fled self-consciously.

~ ~ ~

The last weeks of my first term passed in blur of late fall weather. I spent most of my time in the alchemy labs, trying to establish a presence with the various lab assistants and Factors as a familiar and helpful face. I ran messages, helped wash and sort glassware, delivered packages, ran errands and otherwise tried to make myself indispensable, while dropping shameless hints that I was looking for a job. Not all my motivations were even ulterior.

I did need to start drawing a wage soon. The private Imperial bond that came with my merit exam results, to pay for travel costs and initial school supplies, was almost used up. Most other students here came from merchant families or were noble-born, with lands, estates, and sorcery talent. Even most of the other merit students were probably not without some family support.

Me though? The idea of writing to my mother for pocket change was laughable—dearest Ma, I know that as you get one of my sisters to read this you are probably hassling my other siblings for your drinking money, but please, can you send me some?

I knew Gresha and Heather would help me if I needed it, probably Kisma, too, but I was determined that bothering them for their hard-earned wages would be my last resort.

So if I wanted to buy razors and soap and ink and paper and a better coat for the winter, I needed some way to earn money, and the alchemy labs were my surest option. The standard avenues for securing such a position—bribery and nepotism—were closed to me. I wasn’t delusional enough to rely on my nonexistent charisma to attract an actual faculty mentor or ally among the staff. I just had to hope that persistence would work. I knew it wasn’t a very good strategy, but I didn’t really know how else to go about it. Exams were coming up and if I didn’t get hired soon, I would have to break off from all the volunteering I was doing in the labs and pivot my time and attention into studying.

A week before exams, though, I got lucky. It was the fourth time in as many days that I brought the matter of a job up to one of the lab Factors, a tidy young man with premature gray hair at his temples and a strained look, whose name was Krema. I had just returned from crawling under an autoclave to reattach some plumbing and I was dripping on his office rug.

He threw up his hands.“All right! For grief’s sake. I’ll put you on the schedule, you know where it’s posted. Take this note,” he began scrawling, “down to the bursars office and get a punch card. You’ll start at five shillings a shift, like every other assistant. Payday is every fortnight. Now get out of my office before you ruin the floor.”

The next few days, I spent every spare minute in the Archives, studying. These were to be my first set of Harmine exams and I wasn’t sure how difficult they would be. I tried to over-prepare, and fell into bed every night eye-sore and ink-stained.

The exams turned out to be...difficult. I guessed that I had done fair-to-middling and was glad for how seriously I’d taken them. After finishing with the last of them, I got back to Oakridge House and shuffled up to my room, with no thought in my mind but to sleep until I couldn’t.

Alexi was out. And—there was an envelope on my bunk, addressed to me. From Special Research. I dropped my bookbag and tore it open, tiredness forgotten. I scanned the first few lines and a smile cracked my face—stiff muscles long out of practice.

I was in!

I flopped into bed and tried to savor the glow of accomplishment, but in ten breaths I was asleep.

I woke from a familiar nightmare of hiding and fleeing through cold, cobbled streets. It was morning. I clambered down from my bunk and hobbled to the washroom on unsteady feet. When I re-entered the room again, it was full of boys. I froze.

It was Alexi, riffling through his desk drawers for something, and several of his tall, rich friends, laughing at some joke. They all turned to look at me, and I saw them immediately filter my existence out of their worldviews and turn away again. Perfect. I clambered blearily back into my bunk and tunneled back under my blankets, trying to tune out their banter. I was mostly unsuccessful.

“—that fiddler girl who plays at the Silver Pony! Artur says he tupped her, and if she’s that easy—”

“Don’t bother trying to tempt him, Lindon, this dolt’s still hung up on that man-eating cunt Aralia Cordivar.”

There was a peal of rough laughter.

“Shut your trap, I am not!”

“Oh no? ‘Miss Cordivar, m-may I go take a piss?’ That wasn’t you, eh? A shame to manly dignity itself, Wendell, that’s what—”

Alexi interjected, “Oh lay off him, Cresswell. We’ll to the Pony tonight, all agreed?”

“To the Pony!”

“The Pony!”

I shuddered. Boys. Scary. Gross. Dumb. Annoying. It seemed like every day I was finding another reason to not be one anymore. The thought sailed clear through my groggy morning consciousness before I realized it. Alexi found whatever he was looking for and I heard them all leave noisily—without closing the door. Fucking fuck.

~ ~ ~

Second term began on a gray week of slashing rain and wind. I arrived early to Aralia Cordivar’s introductory Apomasaics class, and climbed the amphitheater rows to a seat in the back of the lecture hall to watch the other students filter in. Overall, they looked older and more senior than me, though I recognized one or two from Yvell’s class. Gradually, the seats below me filled. I spun my quill nervously. It seemed I had barely made the cut. Would I be able to keep up, let alone strike off on my own well enough to—

I stiffened, eyes widening. A student, a dark-haired girl with nut-brown skin, had just entered the hall, her head lowered—but then she raised it and her vernal eyes flashed as she scanned the rows of seats. As she did, I dropped my quill and buried my gaze in my lap, my face heating in recognition. It was her.

Of course it was her. She would be an alchemist. Otherwise this could have been too easy. I took a deep breath and shook myself a little. Realistically, I had nothing to fear from her. She could not possibly know anything about me, let alone reveal it. We were in a class together. So what? There were almost two hundred other students. All I had to do was pretend not to notice her, and we would both get through this. No more penetrating, intimate eye contact or lingering, dangerous gazes, thank you very much.

There was only one teeny problem. For some reason, I was feeling extremely...drawn to her? I kept sneaking glimpses in her direction. She was beautiful, of course, but also...I groaned quietly and cursed myself for a fool. No. No, this was not the time to fixate creepily on a girl who’d met my eyes once, by chance or accident. I imagined Kisma’s disapproving expression, floating in front of my mind’s eye.

Resolved, I focused studiously on the lecture stage. After some uncomfortable minutes of forcing myself to stare straight ahead, Aralia Cordivar entered, and staring ahead immediately became much less of a chore.

Have you ever been utterly taken by someone and, at the same time, terrified of them? She was so young, only a couple years older than me, and yet she seemed to reign here, in an absolute way that had nothing to do with her actual age.

I was on the edge of my seat for the entire lesson, and every lesson after. She taught with the energy of a cyclone, a caged tiger, snapping questions, pointing vigorously at raised hands, covering the sliding blackboard in crisp, tight equations, then heaving it aside to get at the fresh surface underneath. She paced the room, a captain in total command of her ship. I scribbled furious notes with one hand, my mind desperately leaping to catch the next twist and the next in the trail of meanings and inferences she was blazing. When she paused to rake the assembled students with her proud, golden hawk-eyes, I froze in place lest I catch her attention by moving an inch, and yet some part of me exhilarated at the thought. Then the bell would ring and she would dust off her hands and exit the room with the profound disregard of someone who had better places to be, leaving her assistants to take questions, collect, assign and otherwise administrate.

And the laboratory days…

Aralia never came. Instead she left her Special Research team assistants to run the lab components in her stead, but still...it was alchemy like I had never seen it before, like I had never been able to imagine. They showed us how to write equations to derive tables upon tables of data for modeling sublimation and avoiding reagent contraindication, something I hadn’t known was even possible. These data projections combined with yet more equations to yield ingredient ratios, precursor metabolites, even reactant unlikelyhoods. They showed us advanced factoring that allowed the distillation of a draught that could awaken certain principles of the flesh (which they termed manly) while subduing others (take a wild, eye-rolling guess at what these ones were called). They showed us a multitude of alchemical pathways for sterilization and for fertility, for accelerating puberty and for delaying it, for reversing it and for revising it. And though they did not know it, they were showing me how I might transform.

While Aralia only ever taught the technical material of Apomasaics, her team members often paused in between teaching units to make lofty remarks that sounded somewhat scripted. Actually, there was much that reminded me of listening to someone drone aloud from a Ministry of Social Hygiene booklet back home in Stuhkrad.

I knew all that rubbish by heart and had developed an automatic habit at a young age of filtering propaganda from useful information. It helped me retain very little of what was said in between learning techniques. Besides, almost all I could think of was how I could bend what they were teaching to my own purpose. I often zoned out during these stretches to think about how I would reverse-engineer the very technique they had just demonstrated so it would yield the opposite effect. It was simple. I blanked out my face and nodded every so often. Internally, I was already celebrating what I was about to get away with under their very noses.

I was actually dumbfounded at how swimmingly everything was going so far. On top of classes, I was also working several shifts a week, so I was in the labs all the time. I prepped for classes and cleaned up after them. I helped weigh out materials and distribute equipment. Much of my time was spent with a glorified industrial-scale sterile dishwasher. I had keys, I had a cover story, I had large windows of time with unsupervised access to a world-class alchemy set-up and a vast selection of medicinal-grade precursors. On top of this, there were lots of students pursuing their own private projects in the labs at odd hours. I would be one among many. And one other crucial advantage had fallen right into my lap.

A month into second term, Krema had thrust an inventory ledger into my hands and shown me how to fill out requisition forms for ordering new materials when they ran low. I had realized, all of a sudden, that all someone would need to do, if they saw me synthesizing something and wanted to find out what, would be to crack a ledger and peruse my withdrawals.

All lab assistants had access to raw materials, because regular students relied on us to fetch the precursors they needed, both in classes and out of them. When we measured out a dozen drams of sulfate, we marked it in the ledgers, along with the name of the requesting student and the date. At first I’d felt sheepish about my oversight. Then, I realized what a gift Krema had given me and I started grinning, and couldn’t stop. Now that I’d been trained on inventory, I could make the ledgers tell whatever tale I wanted.

Now, I could steal raw materials and hide the accounting inconsistencies. I could conceal my entire project. I would be invisible to any scrutiny beside a massively detailed audit. I was basically home free. Despite the bone-crushing horror-dread of being caught, I didn’t see how I could be caught. And more and more, I found myself looking forward to the thrill of getting away with it.

But the thing that really brought me to the precipice of beginning was an awareness that grew gradually, like an underground fungi, and then fruited above ground all at once, seemingly overnight. My bleak and narrow dreams of winter-dark, cobbled streets. That familiar pressed-in feeling I remembered from Stuhkrad before Gresha gave me a portal out.

Harmine was that portal—a gateway leading to a thousand possible worlds; options and possibilities no matter where I went; comfort and money all but guaranteed. This trapped feeling should never have followed me here. It was impossible.

And yet, it was back. I felt buried alive. I felt compressed beneath a mountain avalanche. The realization that I had felt like this for as long as I could remember haunted me. I marveled at the numbness I had cultivated to it, the numbness that was only just starting to slip. When I thought of a future beyond the next five years, when I thought of living past the age of, say, twenty-five, there was an endless nothing—that same absolute flatness, that same tasteless, weightless, odorless, invisible despair. And I began to realize it would keep coming back, no matter what heights and opportunities I drove myself at to avoid it.

About halfway through the term, I began to consciously feel myself being shaped around an acknowledgment—almost a surrender—that there were no other options, a kind of relieved resignation that there was really only one choice left to me.

I began to factor the schema for the substance myself, in a secret notebook that I kept tucked close against my skin, and only took out when I was sure I was alone. I labored over it, painstakingly, for a whole week, though most of that time was spent checking, double-checking, triple-checking my factoring. I checked my factoring so many times, in fact, that I could recite it in my sleep, and I was more than a little worried that I did.

As the term neared its final quarter, I fairly vibrated with the energy of my readiness. This direction I was set on felt as hard and clear and resolute as a diamond. It was yearning to be born, kicking inside of me. I needed to get it out of me and into the world. My hesitation began to chaff at me, to weigh on me like a stone hanging around my neck, growing slowly heavier every day that I did not begin.

So, I began.

At least, I tried. Gresha’s titration advice had worked a little too well on me. I had kept my gaze pointed fastidiously at only the next step, and the next, and when the precipice yawned before me suddenly, I froze. The realization slammed me in the stomach that if I had been looking at this horizon line from the beginning, I would have turned back long ago.

How do you normally change your life in this big of a way? Is there a normal way to transform completely, to pull off something as huge as—as becoming a girl? I had no idea. It was absolutely too big to think about—in order to do it all, I had to not think about it.

I went to the labs several days in a row, saying to myself that I would begin, and turning aside at the last moment. I turned left to leave the building instead of right down the corridor to the materials stockroom. Tomorrow—I’ll try tomorrow, I said to myself. Then I made it as far as the door handle to the stockroom. The next day I made it all the way to the enanthate barrel. In the end it took me over a dozen attempts before I finally worked up the courage to complete the first batch.

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