#the person doing it desires or not thats what it seeks to achieve

[cruelsister-moved2]

that thread i rbed like ages ago about men's urge to disagree/object to/obstruct women for no reason has seriously reset my brain its so crazy but i think actually one of the rare things that actually might represent a way forward for how men engage with women. like there's always going to be the rightwing ardent misogynists who don't care that they're doing this but for all the men in the middle that do on some level want to be better it represents 1. fairly confronting evidence that your position in the patriarchy actually affects how you relate to women much more than you realise it does even if you think of yourself as self-aware and 2. a genuine example of something that makes us all suffer because the fact you niggle on every single issue like what flavour of ice cream to buy is unhealthy for relationships (of any kind) AND introduces unnecessary amount of background strain to your life for no real gain. maybe im being an idealist but i love the idea of a man experiencing a certain amount of horror upon recognition of this as a catalyst to other more meaningful recognitions and changes both in how he evaluates the competence of women but also in recognition of the subjectivity of he perceives things i.e i think one of the biggest barriers to confronting the housework gap is often that men don't SEE how much women are doing and also don't SEE things that need to be done, to the extent that ive seen men argue that the solution is just for women to not care about being surrounded by mess. anyway no conclusion but i cant stop thinking about that thread both super horrifyingand also kind of hopeful

[dungeonmeshi-confessions]

I wanna do more kabumisu positivity following that other anon. it really brightened my day so much.

bc really I dont want to bash other ships to lift mine up!!! and I actually also really love and respect labru, and know the majority of labru shippers arent Like That, just like most kabumisu shippers arent Like That. every group has some annoying, loud, opinionated people and they dont represent the average person who likes the ship, you know? I would love to see some labrus follow suit and send in some positivity as well!!! If the positivity keeps going I will come in here and post all my fave things about labru, labru art, and labru shippers as a kabumisu. lets ditch the bitching and hold hands instead!

anyway, some reasons I really love kabumisu

- as a neurodivergent disabled person dating another neurodivergent person, this is like. THE couple to me. and like its not just about mithrun being taken care of. taking care of mithrun actively helps kabru be more mindful of his own needs. In my life, I may struggle to feed myself, but I can make breakfast if my partner is hungry. other times she may do the same for me, it depends on who is doing worse.

-they both struggle with insomnia also

-from everything we've seen, pre-dungeon mithrun wasn't entirely dissimilar to kabru (high masking people pleaser) and thats Fascinating to me.

-kabru's job seems pretty stressful (no matter how much fulfillment it brings him, its a lot of responsibility for one person!) so I feel like coming home to that one guy he can take his mask off around and not even have to try and impress must be such a huge relief. also add mithrun with cooking experience to this, making kabru a nice meal after a long day of work.

-Mithrun is actually very perceptive and sees straight through kabru's bs multiple times and doesn't hesitate to call him out. Laios isnt the only character that forces kabru to be honest. ("unless theres someone else?" "theres someone you want to tell that story to.") mithrun is also the one who gives kabru the information he's been seeking this whole time.

-I am very interested in exploring mithruns whole desire situation. what desires does he gain? I think it is probably a lot of little ones that weave together. oh also I think sometimes things may seem more mithrun centric bc in any story where he is going to end up in a relationship he is going to have a much more dynamic arc than whoever he is paired with. literally dynamic as in like. he requires a lot more growth to achieve the outcome. and there are ways to skip it or gloss through it but. a lot of these stories require that in some way you show the progress has happened.

-to me, kabumisu is more often queeplatonic than romantic. but Im aroace so that could just be my aroace glasses. ALSO kabru is vaguely aro to me. you mean the guy thats super desirable that doesnt really seem interested in anyone particular outside of pursuing friendship? that guy? (also the way he did rin omfg)

-random but I dont think kabrus PTSD is talked about enough and also like the extent of his trauma. its not just utaya/monsters/his mom dying; its being raised by a single mother, its his blue eyes, its being adopted, its being raised by an elf, etc!!!! a lot of things he does bc of ptsd get attributed to autism (I also hc kabru as autistic, and some is symptom overlap. but it is secondary to the ptsd! he is traumatized first and foremost ty) I really love kabru so much. ty for the ptsd rep <3

-also out here to say I know an amount of kabumisu content is mithrun centric. I will tell you from my pov specifically though its bc I deeply relate to mithrun (as someone who once told a therapist many years ago I desired nothing and truly meant it. she said I was like a puppet without strings. of course I saw mithrun and was like. oh.) and Im in love with kabru. kabru reminds me of all the people who gave me a reason to pull through. people who saw good in me and treated me like a person when I didnt feel like one. I also really relate to kabru though as someone with complex trauma, even if my traumas are not the same. thats why I say I think not enough is attributed to his ptsd. anyway, once I just opened a notebook and wrote kabrus name over and over again with hearts. I have never done this to mithrun. so dont tell me kabumisus dont like kabru !!!

-kabru and mithrun are both so gender. Ive seen so many variants on their gender and gender expression in the ship. some people hate this and insist they must be one way or the other. I think theyre neat lots of different ways. I love when theyre both feminine men. I love when mithrun is super masc. I love when theyre butch4butch. I love when theyre both trans. and so much more. its all beautiful. a very good variety of food. the other day on my dash I had a tallman art of mithrun with the biggest tits imaginable and the very next post he was like a little porcelain doll. keep up the good work guys. I love you.

.

[majorasnightmare]

thinking about isobel and ketheric, and my durge and ketheric, and isobel and my durge

like ketheric whos entire personality is centered around being a failed father, dirge who lives solely and exclusively for a father who does not love him, isobel being horribly violated for the sake of fatherly love in the name of a person shell never be again like excuse me this trio of people makes me go insane

ketheric and dirge like!! zealot recognizes zealot, ketheric knows what its like to be devoted wholeheartedly to a god who will discard you and thats explicitly why he has a businesslike relationship with myrkul, who KNOWSSS ketherics heart isnt in it but doesnt care, ketheric who never fully believed in the absolute plan but carried it out nonetheless, ketheric who nonsensically traded the death of the world for his daughters life, who in reality most likely traded his afterlife for isobels life, knowingly condemning himself to never see melodia again, to an eternity of torture at myrkuls hands, just so isobel can breathe again. dirge knowing with perfect clarity his own father would never do that for him. ketheric knowing that kind of hopeless devotion and willful blind ignorance leads to a kind of iron will that makes dirge genuinely dangerous but pitying the poor fool nonetheless because despite dirges clear intelligence and skill, despite his overwhelmingly obvious power, hes shackled to a self destructive idiot whod bite off his own arm just to spite the world who couldnt give a single fuck about dirges mental state or how that affects achieving bhaals OWN goals and fulfilling his OWN desires, because ketheric understands perfectly well a god will be stupid and selfish first and reasonable and measured second. dirge hating ketheric not just for being a wishywashy traitor who cant settle on something to be devoted to, but because ketheric has the shit figured out. its a zero sum game. theres no winning, only different types of losers, and embracing that truth means acknowledging his entire life has been a pointless self destructive waste that will never give him the satisfaction and actualization dirge craves, so its easier and more stable to just interpret ketheric as a coward. except hes going to kill himself for isobel. going to go through hell for her. theres a level of devotion and love and care there that dirge has only experienced once in his life and the memory of it is enough to drive him to madness, but despite it all ketheric IS competent. is level and measured and powerful and capable of looking past his own self interest to the far horizon of victory, is tactical and clever and willing to wade into the fray. so dirge hates, and admires, and envies, and pities, and reflexively seeks out and avoids ketheric in equal measure. wants to carve him up until he finally breaks, screaming for a god that wont hear him as just rewards for his insolence (because dirges loyalty will SURELY be rewarded, loyalty to his god and to his father, certainly), cant stand the idea of working alongside anyone else, hates being around him but hates doing things without him, falling into old habits of depravity just to get away from the cacophany of emotion and the introspection it tries to trigger.

and then ketheric is doing all of this for someone who doesnt really exist. the isobel he wants to revive isnt real. its a version of her thats stripped hollow of the things that make her, HER. he wants an isobel that doesnt love aylin, he wants an isobel that is content to remain in place and be protected by him, where he was the center of her world. he wants an isobel that hasnt existed for over a century. he wants an isobel like he remembers thinking of the days before melodia died. its why despite everything he gives up for her, if ketheric gets his hands on isobel he tadpoles her. the tadpoles are just a convenient tool for cutting away the unnecessary parts of a person, things they dont need and wont want afterwards. isobel mourns the father she had after her mother died, but ketheric wants the isobel she used to be when melodia was still present in their lives. the isobel after melodia died eventually left him for aylin. grew up and became a person outside of their small family and community. had interests and desires and goals that took her away from him. she doesnt need aylin, doesnt need anything besides family. thats whats important, thats whats worth ruining lives over. everything after isobel was just a failed copy, not even worth reminiscing over. everyone beyond isobel doesnt matter. desecrate the family tomb, abuse your son, drag your aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters out from the grave just to see if it works, if it sticks, because the whole world revolves around a little girl who stopped existing long before she died, because she became someone else someone new and left you floundering alone. youll get them back even if it means you burn in hell forever, those few precious moments are worth it, itll all be worth it, its already worth it. kill yourself kill the world because the only god worth dying for is the one found in between poorly scratched letters on a paper rotting from age that say "love you papa, -I T". live every day with the smoke and the rot knowing that your father loved you so much he cant even look at who you are now. live every day knowing its a gift you cant return to a man who doesnt see you, knowing that all youll ever have are ghosts that seek to hollow you out and play pretend with the shell. hes awful. hes horrible. hes a monster. hes your dad and he loves you so much its killing you. will kill you. has killed you. has killed everything you could ever want in your life. hes your dad. he read you stories when you were small. kept you from falling apart when your mother died. your rock in stormy seas. he wants to read you another story. its dark outside. its scary. this story has a happy ending. its just for you. the girl in the picture book has your name but doesnt look like you at all. its written in silver blood. theres an ache that wont leave, a rot that refuses to mend, a scar that wont close, and its all for love

thinking about dirge being the one to drag isobel from her coffin, to bring her back for the sake of sealing a pact that will end the world, going against his entire religion the whole reason for his existence just for the sake of fulfilling his own fathers dreams. children living at the behest of their parents, denied death for their fathers selfish whims. isobel autopsied and opened, layers peeled back. gortash and ketheric never exhumed a body, never prepared it for the grave, never made such an intimate study of death. gortash unwilling to bloody himself unnecessarily, ketheric unwilling to look past the deathmask to see isobels interior, so its dirge, it has to be him, the only one willing to bite down his own desires for the greater good. an unforgivable violation of autonomy, but the only one who thinks of it as such is the scion of the murder god. she cant consent. she cant choose to be apart of this, to sacrifice herself for a cause greater than herself. he has to inflict this upon her. life is suffering and madness and delusion. death is peace, and he is the holy vessel of transition from one state to the other. this? this is blasphemy. she has already fled this horrid blighted world for a better one, and here he is participating in blasphemous ritual. its for the sake of their plan, its for the sake of enacting his fathers dreams (as all children know, you are naught but a vessel to achieve the goals they could not in their time), but she cannot even take glory in the knowledge of her sacrifice, cannot even know she is a sacrifice until its too late to go back. carves open and peels back the picturesque skin, preserved by gloom and arid darkness and sealed stone to keep away the rot. peeling away the mask of Isobel Thorm to see the visceral rotting insides of a person ketheric cant stand to see.

clearing away the ruin and decay so something new can take its place. corpses are objects fled of souls, no longer a person, no longer anything and thus free to toy and play with as boredom and curiosity desires, but this is not a thing. this will again be a person, a vessel to trap someone inside of, to force them to suffer and persist and delude and live and he cant even ask if shell do it. do it to help him break the world and put an end to this madness forever. cant convince her of the rightousness of it, the necessity of it, cant help but use her for it. to gortash she is a token exchanged for power, to ketheric she is a snapshot of a better world he wants to go back to, but only here on this dirty bloodstained table with a bhaalspawn elbow deep in her organs is she a person, whos autonomy and personhood is being irrevocably violated. his nature is to free them of these shackles, to snip the cords and revel in the ensuing destruction, and here he is binding her again. the humiliation, the horror, of being set loose from this hellscape only to be brought back. to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back into living. to be subject to such awful blasphemy. here in the dark and the quiet where there is no voice to speak back to him, when there is no rushing blood or beating hearts to call forth his purpose, there and then does armageddons prophet desire forgiveness, only in this shadowed purgatory can someone truly see. when all the world lies dead at my feet, i will beg forgiveness from no one but you. lamb on the altar, holy blood, if such desecration was not necessary for the cleansing of suffering, i would never deign to subject you to it. to you alone do i tender my apologies, my blessed father may forgive this sin in light of the retribution it will call forth, but cruel fate has chosen you without your knowledge to bear this disgusting violation, and the only salve i can offer is that, gods willing, you will not suffer long. to live in a world that could give rise to something like me is a torture i would not wish upon anyone, and for the sake of my father i inflict it upon you nonetheless. when you rise, my only thoughts will be of murder, holy and pure. but here in the dark, when you are at peace and i am not, i think of you, and what youd want, and how no one would ever, COULD ever, ask for what i do to you here. here in the quiet i breathlessly whisper a prayer meant only for your ears, a second sin i cannot stop myself from committing, here where you cannot hear me but God surely can, a wish that i will surely pay for dearly, a punishment i endure willingly and without complaint, a smallest fraction of the torment i knowingly inflict upon you. i live, and soon so shall you, and for that, i will never know peace.

im so sorry. i did it for love

[paingoes]

What would LW!Lorelai and Aegean Seas Delta be like? Like if Delta's parents had gotten Lorelai instead of Paris.

oughhh good question!!!! i feel like ive already established lorelai as someone who needs a certain amount of conflict and action to thrive. this is true across both universes. the way Aegean Seas programming works is by traumatizing the students into requiring a certain amount of pressure to hold them together. they’ve adapted to extreme conditions and will decompress without them. like deep sea fish! this is part of why AS!paris is struggling so much.

i feel like lorelai might struggle with this even more? not so much a desire to be useful, but just a desire for something to happen. putting her in a peacetime nation feels like a cruel joke. 

at the same time, a big reason canon lorelai seeks out conflict so much is because she was so sheltered growing up. AS!lorelai cannot say the same. so in the beginning, i imagine the change in environments is actually kind of welcome! shes got a deep appreciation for nature and would probably find the coastal setting very cool. i doubt she’s seen anything like it before.

additionally she lucks out with delta, who is not cruel and also not a creep! Aegean Seas isnt as patriarchal as canon but I imagine there’s still misogyny in that universe and so delta’s reaction to her arrival is not just like. “why the fuck would you buy a person” its also like. “why the fuck would you buy a GIRL??? thats sick. youre sick.”

so i think hes like. lightly creeped out by her being there and only calms down after observing her for a while. lorelai def gets hit w/ the benevolent misogyny whenever she’s in a whumpee position. delta probably feels less of a need to control her just because she’s not unstable or argumentative the way paris is.

she starts chafing after the first two months at around the same time he gets comfortable telling her what to do. its not the bossiness she necessarily minds, she’s used to it, kind of into it. its just that it feels like the things theyre doing are all futile and pointless. she resents delta for his position in the aristocratic and how hedonistic he is about everything. he does not take his position seriously at all and he doesnt dignify the real politics that affect everyone he rules over. its fucked up! 

and she’s obviously not really doing it to spite delta. she just feels powerless and thats her outlet for it. but delta takes it fairly personally in a “can you stop acting like my mom” way at first that eventually turns into a “who the fuck do you think are?” way. will threaten to muzzle her. 

i feel delta must sense on some level thats its very easy to cross lines with her and accidentally find yourself on the other side of something you cant come back from. AS!paris is kind of a kicked dog and AS!lorelai is…not. i think if you damage her trust, you’ve really damaged it, and things will not be the same afterwards. delta cares about her enough to want to avoid this. he still muzzles her ❤️‍🩹

i think her needling will get to him at some point and achieve net positive change in him. but her own boredom and sense of powerlessness will eat away at her until she becomes more reckless and volatile and boundary pushing. shes kind of giving scheming adviser here. takes advantage of her general respectability and guilelessness - “who, me?” - to get away with more and more direct involvement in statecraft and revolutionary signaling. 

tl;dr lady macbeth? but like, nice.

[manie-sans-delire-x]

Wondering if you have any thoughts about the possible connection between ADHD and ASPD/antisocial traits in general? From what I've read it has to do with dopamine... but I haven't read that much yet. The studies that I've seen have all been really recent, but maybe that's the "loaded gun" that nature provides that with the right environment can turn into CD/ASPD?

Yes thats right! So if I remember correctly the theory is that people with ASPD (and/or psychopathy?) have extra sensitive dopamine receptors/"reward systems" (or theres more creation of it or it just hangs out in the brain a little longer? I forgot which it was) so when something triggers that (achieving a victory, attaining something they desire, sex, drugs, money, whatever) its more intense than it is for a normal person. Thus, being denied it can be a cause of aggression, like an addict being denied drugs.

And if a psychopathic brain is highly reward orientated, that can explain why punishment generally doesnt work. They need the carrot not the stick. It also fits in with seeking risk or adrenaline.

Ive heard that theres a surprisingly strong link that shows how people with ASPD, if they also have ADHD, are highly more violent. It sounds like a toxic combination, probably because theyre just that much more impulsive. Extra irritable maybe.

Abnormal reward systems in the brain could definitely be a strong component of being genetically predisposed to CD/ASPD, for sure!!

Thanks for the interesting ask!

[ravenkinnie]

i think jinx still has the inner ambition inside to destroy piltover. its already implanted in her by both vi and silco, just in their own words (1. "one day, this city will respect us" 2. "we'll show them. we'll show them all). even when vi joins the enforcers, i think jinx will see vi as blinded by caitlyn and it'll futher fuel her piltover bloodthirst, out of hatred but also thinking that she will win vi back again if she makes her childhood vow to make piltover 'respect' zaun come true.

there is this one post that explains how in jinx's mind, there are forces more powerful than love and that is ambitions/ideals/dreams/etc. people can abandon their loved ones for a dream or an ideal and jinx internalized this first from her parents who could've been alive if only they chose to stay with their daughters but left them for war.

i think jinx believes vi will abandon cait no matter how much she loves her if only jinx achieves what she believes vi still desires since childhood.

and if anyone told jinx that vi may no longer has the same ambition anymore, she'll turn a blind ear and spit. because the shared dream she has with vi they vowed together on the rooftop is the one last link she shares with her sister that she's got left.

(also yes jinx at the end symbolically severs her ties with vi but lets be real she is still very much emotionally attached to her sister bcs jinx is doomed to always want what she cant have)

I do think her main drive will be to cause chaos and wreckage, whether as an emotional response or some delusional form of commemoration. I do think that this feels like an incomplete motivation though like the centre of her character HAS shifted, she's not searching for acceptance anymore and there's no one she would be seeking it out from, this aspect of her relationship with vi has already been severed and if they went back on it it would just feel redundant from a storytelling perspective. I don't think she will want to 'win vi back' or sth like that has already been the story, her desire for reconciliation and now that desire has been replaced by belief that its not possible

it's clear that it makes sense that jinxs drive will shift in the second season but what exactly it will shift to is very up in the air, like I personally don't like what you laid out here because I think that's an extremely weak drive for her character that would just keep repeating over and over themes that were already laid out and engaged with and now after a turnover of the finale it should instead push it in a new direction instead of going over the same things. christian linke said about s2 even that now that they laid out who these characters are they can start dismantling it and THATS so interesting to me, to think about how jinxs character can be dismantled

my ideal for jinx is to become a more calculated terrorist HDHDHDH she is an extremely emotionally reactive person, she internalised ideals from vi or vander or silco (probs not her parents, I think she was too young to know them like that, as people more than caregivers and what she knows of them is probably what has been passed on from vi. but in a way this id secondhand grief and their experiences of parental loss are completely different but thats a whole other thing) but it's clear these are completely secondary to her inner emotional reality - using her weapon against piltover wasn't even the main point of the dinner spectacle, her confusion about the emotional bonds in her life was. she clearly did not have a larger goal in mind for the outcome of it and she would have ran off with vi and said fuck all yall zaunites if she believed it meant vi would be forever tied to her unconditionally - but she didn't. I think moving from purely emotional landscape of her actions and motivations to one motivated by more overarching goals or beliefs too is a realistic goal and also goes beyond a mid redemption arc or going in circles over the same relationship dynamics - and it means jinx could become an actually potentially dangerous and powerful player in the power vacuum of zaun beyond just her penchant for violence - and it doesn't mean those ties she started to sever at the end of s1 are completely done because they will be running in circles in some way but if you want it to be narratively satisfying she can't be going over the same things the whole season so there will have to be progress there somewhere and I think it will end up somewhere halfway between estrangement and dependency. they will never be free from each other but they will have their own stories running parallel. I think how little jinx actually cares about the ideals she's been surrounded by will be a part of that dismantling, the reality of what a volatile substance in zauns ecosystem she is but also maybe how what she internalised more than beliefs is the notion of power

(alternatively, vi can say fuck it and let being attached to jinx forever ruin her and that's sexy too but I just don't think arcane is a story that would choose this but remember!! tragedy is always a great narrative)

[bluegarners]

any tips on how to write?

hiya anon!

im probably not the best source for this particular question, i can only offer personal experience and advice youve probably heard a million billion times. i would suggest going onto youtube or just the internet in general with this question and look for sources with professional writers/those who have the kind of genre expertise youre looking for

academic writing is not my forte- i can write a research paper, but im definitely not a source to seek advice for it

creative writing is what i mainly do, and a lot of it is fictional creative writing. ive been writing since i was about 7 or 8, and that came about due to meeting a friend who shared a mutual love for the warrior cat series by erin hunter. we wrote about our own oc's and made up our own clan, and at the time, we had no idea that what we were doing was called fanfiction. it was just a fun outlet for us that we only shared with each other, and it wasn't until a little later when we were a tad older did we start writing more original works. it was actually around the time that unbroken (that 2014 war film) came out that we both got really interested in writing war stories, so that was a new horror/thriller genre we got into. my writing path has essentially been fantasy -> fanfiction -> thriller to present day, where i do still dabble with thriller/horror but i mostly write fanfictions

so, all of that to say, what i learned from all of that is to love what you love and extend your creativity to it, and then beyond it. read or watch things you like, explore different but adjacent genres, find a favorite author or movie producer, remember certain lines or phrases or story-tellings, and just tinker around a bit. i didn't start sharing any of my writing until well into my teen years because i was still learning, and although thats perfectly fine to keep your writing to yourself until youre comfortable, if you want to improve, then taking the risk of judgment is necessary!

however, i've also just always had a natural predilection towards writing. you could say i am "right brained" since reading and writing have always been very natural things that i also happen to enjoy! not everyone is going to have a natural "closeness" to writing, even if they do enjoy the process of it or like to read, so some people will need to put forth more effort than others to achieve the desired result

writing is hard work- it takes a lot of brain power sometimes and can be very tiring. i get burned out all the time, from both reading and writing, and sometimes it can be difficult to enjoy things since im always looking for inspiration or ideas on what to write and how to write it. but dont get discouraged if the process is more difficult than expected! like anything you do, of course it takes practice and time and effort. ive been told a couple times that people wish they could write like me, and though im flattered, it took a long time to get where im at (over a decade) and i am still very much striving to improve and find ways to expand my creativity!

writing is just a hobby for me, so i dont take it as seriously as a professional writer might. i write because i enjoy it and its a great way to connect with others, but when it gets too stressful or im no longer happy doing it, i stop writing and i take a break. i can do that because this is a hobby for me and thus no obligations are being tied to my production rate, so if its the same for you anon, i would encourage also not to take any of it too seriously!

it's all well and good to hone a craft and try to be the best at it as you can possibly be, but dont let it stress you out if youre not the best or the fastest writer out there. this is life, and we're all just trying to have a good time, so why stress about it, you know?

[37q]

thank you so much for the sources and directives wrt tara :) i'm not a buddhist (yet?) but i've been reading a lot about the female deities of dharmic traditions, shaktism, the Mahavidya, etc. and honestly the idea of being heard, understood and protected by an all-powerful feminine entity feels like salvation to me right now. like, i crave tara's Liberation more than any other gift or miracle she could give me atm lol how did you get into buddhism and the tara practice btw?

my dearly unacquainted your words struck a chord in my chest. i hope you read this, its for you and me and everyone like us.

the search for liberation is endless and i hope tara can show you how to break the cycle. please, read this message as a journey. if i play u the melody, can you hear the karmic harmonies?

i got into buddhism because im a woman who refuses to be one. growing up trying to be something thats harmful to myself and others, where everyones place in line comes from hideous cruelty, covert or otherwise, and being trained under social conditions which ultimately seek to accelerate mass suffering via systemic domination -- that all made me a little sensitive to the idea of anything being "fixed".

maybe i should say -- i craved impermanence. please dont let this be innate. this cant be forever. what i am, everything thats been done to me, all their pain. i saw my pain everywhere else, in everyone else. i saw my pain before and after me, i saw everyones pain in their walk in life and i saw the pain held over our heads. it was hard not to see it as connected, like everyone is just clinging to our histories of interdependent pain and it makes us who we are. gender made it obvious, although thats a basic benefit of feminist standpoint epistemology.

i got into buddhism because in order to survive i needed a respite from the systemic suffering caused by social attachments. gender, like all phenomena, must be impermanent or people like us are doomed. fundamentally i wanted a world of compassion and empathy, forgiveness and change. buddhism offers such a path. despite my desire for it to serve as a refuge from gendered violence however, its clear that there is a current of antifeminism or general misogyny present in many sanghas. i recoiled more into cycles of womanhood once i felt my status as a human mightve been called into question.

stranger, do me a favor? pause and read tara's vow, reflect on all this a bit before going on.

do you know what bodhicitta is? its the endeavor to achieve true liberation, buddhahood, for the sake of all living beings. the pursuit of ending the suffering of all living beings, only reaching liberation with everyone else. returning with each life to the suffering world of samsara, bound by the restraints of our worlds attachments. remember this.

i found my way to chenrezigs lineage and the impacts of his legacy as bodhisattva of compassion. ohhhh how important buddhist compassion has been to me. always aiming for selflessness but avoiding habitual nihilism. dissolution rather than destruction, seeing through the conditions and loving the emptiness inside.

(recommended reading for the next part isnt dharma, its monique wittigs One Is Not Born A Woman.)

my first step in finding female solace in a doctrine of non-attachment was with his female form known to some as guanyin, or guanshiyin, who hears the cries of the world. she always lacked a certain... bite my practice needed. in my experience emancipatory compassion is disruptive sometimes. we connected, dont get me wrong, but it was hard to separate her pacifism from the training ive received in gendered submission.

well, then i found green tara, or she found me or something, not to get too new age-y. guanyin, the surveyor and listener, contrasted with tara, already stepping out to take action. my personal relationship with her is one whose compassion cuts through my karma. deep enough compassion tears down the walls of our attachments.

ive always been troubled to find this-world radical applications of the dharma, or to find this-world radicalism in the dharma itself. reproducing the gendered self by looking for reflections of my social conditions in a god is not radical, but dissolving the self without addressing these unjust social conditions isnt radical either...

in her vow, that tara returns. just like any other bodhisattva she heeds the constraints of her rebirth and transforms those chains into a vehicle of liberation. the "karma" of womanhood is a mere microcosm of samsara's suffering, she says, and as a bodhisattva she is an expert in engineering mechanisms of suffering into dharmic opportunities.

that womanhood, that divine femininity we see in her. ugh. such an illusion -- we project it in others minds! such falsehood -- its conceptual boundaries dont reflect reality! such conditionality -- in ourselves, throughout history, how we enact it! such instability -- we require life long conditioning and policing to maintain its peaceful performance!

stranger, do me another favor? read through the short green tara practice. meditate on what it means to look for solace in divine reflections.

do you know why the bulk of even basic tantric visualization practices are inaccessible to the uninitiated? two examples. one is that it requires education and training in action rooted in dharma versus action rooted in attachment. another is that it requires a deep understanding of emptiness.

when you look for tara youre looking for help. you need the second part of a hug. youre in crisis, and you need to get out. total solitude and nowhere left to turn. we reach this point in our lives where we can barely even find joy within ourselves, so we look for transcendental salvation elsewhere.

tantric practices employ, for the sake of this piece, two basic assumptions. one is that yidam visualization, such as with tara, manifests the persisting merits of the yidam nondually, so neither from within or without. another is that desire can serve dharmic purposes when not rooted in attachment.

lets revisit visualization. when you look for tara you look for help. you look for someone like you, as stable as divinity can get. she is separate from you, yet you see yourself in her.

visualization takes that projection a step beyond via what some call "manifestation", and so that requisite understanding of emptiness comes into play here, as does the knowledge of desire not rooted in attachment. it requires a practitioner with no self from which to draw attachments in their work. so i want you to listen closely.

when youre more attached to your karmic conditions than you are to liberation, you will bring that suffering with you in your path.

read that again. i am explicitly warning you from finding feminine solace in tara.

returning to samsara ad infinitum, rebirth only as a woman, manifesting taras protection, these actions seek to abolish the processes which allow their existence. to end the cycle of rebirth, to end the cycle of reproducing gender in our liberation, to end the cycle of reproducing the self and the god. these actions require you to dissolve their fundamental, impermanent dualities before you can free yourself with them.

when you attempt to visualize tara while still clinging to an impermanent sense of self such as with gender, she loses all emancipatory potential. her merit twists, soiled with your attachments to a divinely persisting feminine, female, or womanhood, serving only to reproduce those mechanisms of suffering within you.

i want you to interrogate these little things you do to feel better about your suffering in life. please, acknowledge that gender causes suffering. whether it be its systemic enforcement or because of our attachment to something ultimately impermanent, please recognize that looking to deify something so fraught will only hurt you.

ask tara where one can even find refuge on a sinking ship. ask her how she found liberation in something meant to subjugate. start to wonder where all the answers are coming from, doubt your sanity, try to find the border between yourself and her and find nothing. find that everywhere else, too.

dearly unacquainted your search is your karma. your findings will be your karma. tara asks you to stop searching, stop finding. she will show you the dead end, and i ask that you address that proactively rather than keep digging.

reblogging with links to side reading :)

[mithliya]

If you don't mind sharing advice-

I have read about the way you have struggled with mental health and I am sorry about that :/

But you're also studying everyday. So could you advise me on how to study while being mentally ill?

Ik our experiences might not match. But everytime I try I am able to study for 1 or 2 hours properly max. After that I end up getting a panic or anxiety attack. I also feel hollow and sad all the time and not have desire to do anything but sleep. And I keep finding myself reading the same thing again and again or taking longer than usual to achieve a goal.

Do you know how I could deal with that?

tbh i get moments like this too. it sounds like youre really stressed. i usually try to make studying enjoyable and reward myself when i got through some parts. so like today, i motivated myself + made it so i can enjoy studying as much as possible doing the following:

listening to music that hypes me up / motivates me & helps me focus while studying

taking short breaks in between

sometimes talking to myself and explaining to myself out loud if im struggling to understand sth

once i finish a section, i reward myself by using my phone for example. for you, it might be sth else, like idk having a food you really like. going outside and enjoying the sun for a bit. whatever it is that is comforting and can push u 2 go further would be good imo (its hard to balance with using ur phone personally speaking bc u can get carried away n lose track of time)

reading out loud in general helps

writing down notes and then rereading them. writing them nicely also feels good so it helps me feel a bit better

sometimes watching videos about the topic can help if im struggling to focus when reading

writing a to-do list but rly breaking it down step by step. ticking stuff off the list is a good motivator

making sure to distinguish between what you NEED to do and what you WANT to do. extra things are extra, things without deadlines dont need to be done until the end

if sth is too difficult, i make note of it and come back to it later.

if ur struggling to focus, take a break and do sth that will help remotivate u and bring ur attention back

also its good to study while ur body is alright like, ur not too hungry or thirsty etc. i know thats basic but sometimes when ur busy u neglect urself

relating to point 12... also doing small stuff like a shower, washing ur face, etc can help u refocus, feel better, and get u more in the zone. at least for me

but tbh a lot of what ur mentioning to me sounds like chronic stress or some sort of stress overload.. is there a reason u can pinpoint as to why youre having these reactions? if youre in university or school, is it possible to receive disability support? when i was in university, i was provided with disability support which involved me seeing a woman 1-on-1 every week and we'd talk thru my achievements + what id have to do next n shed help me manage it better basically. i know they provide various accomodations depending on what ur specific issues are. so if ur school or uni has some sort of support for disability, seek it out. theres nothing to lose rly and u could rly benefit from it if u do gain sth from such a visit.

[safesthaveninexistence]

The beats of my hearts are their favorite soundtrack. Just because it doesn't work for them doesn't mean it isn't working for me. Everyone in my presence are inherently and innately my yanderes. They would drink poison for me. They beg for more, to feel more of my twisted love. Emily Michelle Viera inherently misses My unrivalled, uncontrollable, intense, obsessive passion. All of my exes misses my unrivaled, uncontrollable, intense and obsessive passion. They're in love with my unrivaled, uncontrollable, intense and obsessive passion as well as staggeringly misses it. Their feelings surging stronger than ever. They're filled with thoughts of me, they're strong with me and weak without me. THEYRE violently obsessed with me. They violently desire me. They violently crave me. Omg Tristan's manifesting me(chills) LMDAO he's stalking me. He's violently obsessed with me. He can't let go of me. INSANEEEEEE HOW TRISTAN AND I MASTURBATED TO EACH OTHER. THATS why Tristan unblocked me(chills) that man can't ever let go of me. I'm inherently worthy of violent obsession. I'm inherently worthy of yandere obsession. Having them hang off my every word and action, leaving them with insatiable need for more brings great satisfaction to me. When they achieve anything, their achievement is also mine, because without me they are incomplete, everything they do is to please me. (Feeds into the reliance on needing praise and affirmation from me for everything in their lives)(chills OMG!!!!!). Absolutely nothing could taint their love for me. It's insane the things they'd for me. I'm rigged to remain in the void state. They want to feel me in every part of their body. In their bowels, in their bones, in their nerves, in their soul. I'm completely free to explore them, Darling. My self concept's powerful. I'm rigged to keep on bulldozing through because it's rigged to pay off as i already have it all. LOL. I'm rigged to change to naturally receive my desires(chills). I'm rigged to never settle for something small. I'm rigged to already be in the state of having it. I'm rigged to have zero doubts about manifesting. I'm rigged to have zero doubts about instant manifestation. I'm naturally rigged to have my dream reality. They seek through me for approval. They don't want anyone else they need only me. I'm rigged to believe life is that easy. my life is rigged to be based on having everything I want at the time I want it. My mind is rigged to be a safe and comfortable place for me. I'm rigged to have my desire the way I want. I'm rigged to be on the pedestal. I'm rigged to be treated as a god, glorified, worshipped, blessed, desired. I'm rigged to have fun with my Magic! They want to be my obsessive lover. They can't sleep because of me. I occupy their thoughts 25/8, and they and I can't stop it. In their eyes I'm everywhere they need to be my obsessive lover(chills). They need me so bad rn they need to be my obsessive lover. They want me to be their personal porn. I'm the only one that gets their pussies soaked and their dicks hard. When they're upset they look at pictures of me. They wanna hear my laughs and moans. They wish their hands could be on my hips right now. I can teleport effortlessly. I'm rigged to manifest all magical things(chills). Everyone who encounters me know I'm unbelievably potent Magic. I'm rigged to manifest my desires so effortlessly. For me the Universe understands the concept of the future(chills). The Universe is rigged to fill in the blanks with what i desire(chills). The Universe is rigged to fill in the blanks with what I choose(chills). The Universe is rigged to fill in the blanks with what puts me at ease. I'm rigged to believe it's already mine. My subconscious mind is rigged to shape my reality in the way that profoundly satisfies me and violently as well as staggeringly awaken my childlike wonder. My subconscious mind is profoundly rigged to unsurpassablyprofoundly satisfy my soul as well as put me at ease as well as bring me nonstop exhilaration(chills). Unstoppable and monstrous wealth is rigged to be here.

[mrtinmtz]

Nothing to gain

No matter how many years you sit doing zazen you will never become anything especial, we stop the one who cannot cease from seeking things outside and practice with our bodies with a posture that seeks absolutely nothing, this is zazen

Gain is delusion, loss is enlightenment, you dont seek the way, the way seeks you, heaven an earth give themselves, air, water, plants, animals and humans give themselves to each other, it is in this giving themselves to each other that we actually live, whether you appreciate it or not, it is true 

Satori has no beginning, practice has no end

My sermons are critized by certain audiences, they say they are hollow, not holy, i agree with them cause i am myself not holy, the buddha's teaching guides people to the place where there is nothing special

People often miseunderstand faith as a kind of ecstasy of intoxication, true faith is sobering up from such intoxication, stop trying to be something special and just be what you are, hold fire, just sit

It all begins when we say “I”, everything that follows is illusion, everyone imagines that their ego is something unchangeable some immovable center point which everything revolves around, buddhism means no self, nothing to gain, you must be one with the universe and all living beings, when you practice the here and now it has to be about yourself. Dont let Zen become a rumor that has nothing to do with you

Zazen is the buda that we form out of our raw flesh, zazen means putting into practice that which cannot be taught, zazen is the dharma switch that turns around the whole universe 

Zazen isn´t good for anything at all,

What is running around satisfying your desires good for, what is gambling good for, and dancing?

In the world, good for nothing, just means you can´t make money out of it, Zazen has no results, you wont get anything at all out of zazen, in true dharma there is nothing to gain, The way of buddha means that there is nothing to seek, nothing to find, if there is something to find, no matter how much practice, it has nothing to do with the buda dharma.

You want to become a buddha, there is no need. Now is simply now. You are simply you. 

Since you want to leave the place where you are,Where is it exactly where you want to go?

Zazen means just sitting without ever thinking of becoming buda.We dont achieve enlightenment, satori, through practice. Practice is satori, each and every step is the goal.

You think you are something special because you got satori, but you are simply showing off your sack of flesh, when an ordinary person has got satori they call it the zen devil, because they think they something special, when people talk about satori, it usually just means a devil has acquired some magical powers. People who chat about their satori dont even realize they are doing something bad, thats why they´re such helpless cases

No illusion is as hard to cure as satori, don't take pride in your practice, it's clear that any satori you take pride in is a lie. You got it backwards if you talk about stages of practice. Practice is satori.

You can't hold on to yourself. The moment you give yourself up you realize the self which is one with the universe. Precisely that self which i haven't thought up is who i really am.

Kodo Sawaki

[violentviolette]

a big thing that I dont think gets talked about enough is that recovery is all about learning what is healthy

u can't know if something is wrong unless u have that baseline of a control to know what its supposed to be. and u certainly can't get too deep into fixing it without knowing where everything is supposed to go

by the very nature of having a cluster b personality disorder, we inherently do not know and are misinformed about what is a healthy baseline. because we never had that, we were not only never taught those core baselines, but we often were actively given wrong information in the form our abuse. if ur told and shown all ur life that x is y, then u dont even realize that's ur problem when ur spelling tax as tay and no one understands what u mean

it also doesnt help that a lot of very wide spread cultural norms are very much Unhealthy and even nuerotypical people act in unhealthy and emotionally harmful ways thinking thats what's correct when it's not. so we also can't just trust and go off of what everyone around us does. we have to actively seek out trusted and competent psychological research and studies and books about behavior

so its important to teach ourselves what those healthy baselines are. things like what makes a relationship with another person healthy? what actions go into caring for another person? what do healthy boundaries look like? where is the line between reasonable and unreasonable in these various situations?

this way when ur examining ur own feelings, u have a benchmark to compare it to. u can easily be like "okay so this is what's healthy, is my reaction close to that? what is a reasonable and appropriate reaction? where does mine fall along that spectrum? what can I do to get closer to that healthy baseline?"

furniture is much easier to build when u have accurate, helpful, and detailed instructions on what ur supposed to be doing to achieve ur desired outcome. recovery is exactly the same. love urself and take the time to look up the step by step youtube video instead of relying on the 1 page amazon instruction paper with no words

[meili-sheep]

Fjshfkefhkd-- albeluc brainrot--

Albedo is the only knight other than Hertha and her entire department that diluc doesnt like-- hate. And LITERALLY NOONE knows of this. Or even SUSPECTS it.

Hes like-- the chief alchemist, the captain of the investigation team-- mans REAL deep into the knights. Practically a holder of state secrets. Jean and Varka definitely wouldnt be not comfortable with giving him this position if he wasnt completely loyal to the wellbeing of the knights and mondstat! And he is! He is loyal! Despite being a bit of a strange recluse, hes shown time and time again his loyalty to Mond and the knights with his achievements in the alchhemical field and using it to further improve both the lives of the knights and the people of Mondstat! As a person whos so deeply entrenched with the knights, Diluc has to hate his guts! Right?

Lol nope-- his loyalty? Yeah sure, hes loyal but not to the knights. He'd leave them at the drop of a hat the second they stop being of use to him. But what abt his loyalty to the wellbeing of Mond? Oh yeah, he is-- but he only interferes when he knows he has to or needs to. No need to get his hands dirty when he knows Diluc or the traveler or the knights can handle it. Besides, the threats are usually just a couple of slimes and hilichurls. Nothing that really needs his hand and assistance. Might even serve as good practice for the newer knights.

What about using his alchemical achievements that hes shared with the knights and the public to benefit them? Bro, do u rlly think that he'll share his real actual research and discoveries on the nature of the universe and existence itself with the knights? Nah bro, he makes sure its safe to share with the knights and the public at least ten times over before even considering telling someone something. I dont think Teyvat is ready for quantum mechanics just yet, and im sure Albedo would agree--

So, how does diluc think of the strange alchemist up in dragonspine? Personally, id like to think that theres a strange sort of respect between them-- a sort of "i dont mess with your stuff, you dont mess with my stuff" deal. And as time goes on, and Diluc learns more of Albedo (through klee, gossip, the knights, etc.) That respect becomes a little more "real" in the sense thats like "hes cool. Never met the guy, but i think hes pretty neat". Until they finally meet, after making multiple lists and profiles on the other. Albedo, because he just genuinely likes knowing shit and Diluc, because he is a paranoid motherfucker.

I imagine their relationship would be similar to Sayaka and Kirari from Kakegurui, in the sense that they both dont understand each other and that makes the two of them endlessly fascinating and driven to try to know more of each other. Albedo, cold and so driven by bard facts and mind, would be intrigued by how Diluc, warm and driven by his love and heart, is both so similar and different to him. How he desires to learn more about this world, but not for the sake of knowing. How he can seem so cold and unfeeling and distant, when really he is just tired by the effort needed to love and be loved-- already having given much and still giving much and yet receiving nothing in return. How he is so steadfast in his goals, no matter how big or small, and driven by his heart and yet seeking to complete them in a manner befitting Albedos own sound and calculating mind.

Just-- fjshfnejfkeb my precious rarepair... albeluc...

BONUS:

Albedo definitely helped behind the scenes when diluc gave Hertha and her entire department a vacation. Mans made sure the knights stayed together enough to regret EVERYTHING and finally gET THEMSELVES TOGETHER OH MY GOD--

So my working theory has always been he was just there in the right time right moment. And with a recommendation from Alice. I believe that helped a lot. I imagine Albedo came in just as Eroch was ousted. Then Alice gives them this amazing alchemist. It was a quick pick up. And I'm sure with Alice's reassurances they felt a lot more comfortable letting Albedo have the captain position.

But I don't think Albedo is particularly loyal to the knights or Mondstadt. He is more so loyal to people and his own goals. If it is better for the people he cares about to protect Mondstadt. Then he'll protect it. But If it's better for them for Mondstadt to burn, he'll get the gas and lighter.

Now for Albeluc. I love it. It's like my second favorite ship. Because, well, It's just really a relaxed ship. I do think they understand each other to an extent. But they are still fantasized with each other and find that they can never stop being interested in each other. I can't see them being anything but sweet together other. And I've mentioned this before, but they are the kind of relationships to totally fly under the radar. And that's super funny to me.

[saturndivine]

The Age of Aquarius (Jupiter + Saturn Conjunction)

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On December 17th, 2020 3:04 AM PST Saturn moves into Aquarius 

On December 19th, 2020 4:36 AM PST Jupiter moves into Aquarius 

On December 21st, 2020 10:20 AM PST Jupiter Conjuncts Saturn [0°29’]

The great conjunction is a historic occurrence between the social planets, Jupiter & Saturn. Most see these two energies as opposites but they both offer us lessons throughout our time on earth. Saturn represents the tough lessons we are meant to learn, what makes us stronger, how we can build ourselves up. Jupiter represents the lessons learned through our natural bestowed blessings, where we thrive, where our power lays when it comes to functioning in the world. 

These two planets will form a conjunction in the sign of Aquarius. Aquarius represents unconventionality, humanitarianism, change, growth, revolution, innovation. Aquarius is the sign that propels life forward, it is ahead of the crowd and leads others without people even knowing it. Expect to feel that personal push towards greatness, do not fight what this conjunction wants to offer you. You are going to feel incredibly uncomfortable and drained within this transit, especially fixed signs, specifically Aquarius placements. 

The key takeaway for everyone within this conjunction: Do not fight change. Do not fight progress. We heal through growth and movement. 

If you’re curious to understand how this transit will affect you most dramatically, look below! Or read here. 

Conjunction Through The Houses [Check the house where Aquarius lays]: 

1st House: As the first house represents the self, this is a self revitalization period, you have been making progress, others see it and you do as well! You aren’t meant to be held back as you were before, that was a time for patience and learning but now is a time for breaking free of the boundaries bestowed upon you and welcome in the rush that this conjunction will offer you. Switch it up, now is the time to transform. 

2nd House: Evaluate what brings you comfort, then understand why it does. Whether it be a person, place, or thing, understand why it brings you relief, to understand how you can seek that safety within your own self. This transit wants you to let go of the conventional items that offer you this sense of peace as all that you are looking for is in yourself. 

3rd House: You’re going to be quite the firecracker this conjunction transit, your mind will be quick and bright and you will feel the need to explore life as it is. Now is the time to buy books, write pages of your thoughts and what you want to receive from this world, dive into a hobby that brings you joy. This transit is about finding the light stored inside of your own being. 

4th House: Look around, take a gander at the people supporting you. Now is the time to support yourself, you are the definition of strength and there is so much power stored within your kind heart. You are constantly looking out for others but use that energy for yourself. In other words, treat yourself! You will partake in lots of healing this season, be prepared for the “ugly” to come out however you will come out bigger and better on the other side. 

5th House: This conjunction transit will have you motivated to connect with every living person on this earth and that’s good! You’ve been confined to the boundaries of your own mind for quite some time but you made it and you have wisdom and beauty that people want to hear and see. Do not limit yourself, make friends, make lovers, create art in the best possible way you know how. 

6th House: You’ve been holding off on your passions, unsure if it’s the right decision, but now is the time to allow those passions to come out. This is the perfect time for you to see the power in the work you do and how you influence many others to follow your lead. You are an innovator, speak up, and speak your truth. Don’t allow yourself to be talked over, life will grant you many opportunities, up to you to take them. 

7th House: Watch out, people are going to fall in love with you. Whether it be friends, strangers, lovers, whether it be platonic or romantic you are going to touch hearts because you will find the power that comes with love. Throughout it all, you move because you are moved. You don’t take those special steps towards greatness until you are impassioned by the path you have chosen. Remember, follow your heart, let that guide you. 

8th House: Your heart may feel as if it’s exploding with power and dynamite. Use all of it, the pain, the angst, the love, the beauty, use it to create, use it to propel you towards your dreams. We all know you have some of the biggest dreams known to mankind and you are possible of achieving all of them, especially in this transit. This house will experience some of the most turbulence but the growth you will experience is astronomical. Prepare for your revolution.

9th House: You’re going to feel a little bit lost during this transit, you of course have your intuition to guide you. Even if you feel like you have never used your intuition, you have, and it’s powerful with this conjunction. You will feel that invisible pull, pay attention to your dreams, pay attention to how your body reacts to certain situations. You should spend a lot of time with yourself if possible, check-in, and understand who you are and where you’re going. 

10th House: Congratulations, you will benefit the most (in my personal opinion) from this transit. You may feel as if you’re experiencing a full 180 and as if all your progress has gotten you nowhere but it hasn’t. In fact, you are on a path to greatness and all you need to do is learn how to welcome what’s coming and accept it. Don’t block your own blessings by ignoring your true path. This is going to be an emotional journey, don’t fight it!!!!

11th House: There is a grand revolution occurring in your life, yes life is flipping you upside down because you have the personal power to achieve what you desire because of the work you continuously put in towards your own greatness. You have made some intense progress and now is the time to be rewarded for it. Teach your skills to those who need them, help guide others on this path of life. It’ll all come back to bless you. 

12th House: Twelfth house transits are usually the hardest as this will affect the deepest wounds of your psyche and pull out what you have hidden away and thought to have drifted into the deepest part of your memory. This is all for good reason, all of this will transform you into what you thought you could never be. You tend to doubt your own power and this transit wants to show you how incredibly mighty you are. 

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Conjunction in Relation to the Signs [Check Rising, Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, & Mars]:  

Aries: This conjunction will cause you to think outside of the box, of course, you usually do but now is the time to use this energy for a cause rather than just yourself. Try to assist others and build up with them. 

Taurus: Life won’t always go as planned and thats to show within this occurrence, find out how you can adapt to the situations rather than shut down. This transit is pushing you out of your comfort zone towards growth through flexibility. 

Gemini: You are prepared for this conjunction, maybe even the most prepared. Your life is all about change, in fact, you aren’t comfortable when confined and prefer change to stability. Try not to get too ahead of yourself, try to discover what you desire most and go after it. 

Cancer: The energy presented during this conjunction may feel as if it’s opposed to your own, your journey is to find that sweet balance amongst it all. Whether it be with work, family, love, or just simply life. Seek that balance. 

Leo: You are definitely about to be shaken up for the better but some stressful days are coming your way however there is good news. You are powerful, powerful enough to jump over these hurdles and understand there is beauty in the pain, you just have to seek it. 

Virgo: Now is not the time to restrict yourself (as you usually do). You have a side to you that is unconventional and free and it will come out during this transit so you should welcome it! Attempt to let loose and let your hair down. Dance, sing, paint, participate in what sets you free.

Libra: I understand that you are the sign of beauty, however, things will get ugly! Don’t run from your emotions this transit, they will make you feel more than you desire to feel, but this will all go into making your soul more beautiful than it already is! Feel all the feels. 

Scorpio: Your personal evolution is a little slow and catered towards yourself (as it should be) however, this period of time will force you to evolve and grow faster than you thought you ever could. Embrace it rather than hide from it, you are capable of accomplishing so much more in little time. 

Sagittarius: You’re going to feel this intense sensation of freedom and this can easily overwhelm you and burn you out if you don’t pace yourself! Think long and hard about where you want to go and what you want to be and then move. Impulsivity is strong this transit, don’t let it get you into trouble 

Capricorn: You were pushed to your limit with the last Saturn/Jupiter transition and you put in so much work towards your development. Now you can use those special skills acquired for this transit. Your job here is to learn to let go and simply be. You cannot control life itself, you can only control yourself! 

Aquarius: It’s your age! Now life won’t be easy because of this, in fact, you will be removed from your [fixed sign] comfort zone and propelled out into the world because you are leading this revolution. You are meant to act as a teacher, encourage, embrace, inspire! Speak your mind, manifest, create beauty. You are unstoppable during this time, try not to let all this energy go to waste.  

Pisces: You may feel as if you’re floating throughout this transit and your task is to find your footing. Stay on earth because you are meant to learn from what is happening, analyze it, pay attention. This is a period of intense change and you should not miss it. 

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Personal Predictions: A move towards equality in aspects of human life; justice for people of color [victims of police brutality, children in cages, those harmed through immigration, women in the face of gender oppression, & more], LGBTQA+ acceptance and openness [The Rise of Queerness], Wealth equality [class uprisings]. Restaurants transitioning to cruelty-free, vegan/vegetarian options, specifically fast-food businesses. Throwing away the tradition of family [Nuclear family, traditional pregnancy processes, finding family rather than being born into one].

[starscelestialspells]

Tarot Inspired Journal Prompts

Tarot Inspired Journal Prompts

Fool: what is something new you are doing or want to do?

Go to the ren fair, doing that this weekend for my birthday :)

Magician: what is a magical way to enhance my day? Or, how can I be more like the magician?

I like to draw sigils on myself and lover

High Priestess: what are my thoughts on divination? What about intuition?

Both are great for guidance

Empress: what part of myself do I want to grow/nurture?

My self compassion

Emperor: what part of my life needs me to take authority? How can I?

How I live, when I do things, how I do them, and how I make myself do them. Better consistent planning

High Priest: what are my personal traditions? How is my spirituality unique to me?

Spells are art or useful things, no spell jars really. I see things differently, my autism is great for that. I feel things differently than others.

Lovers: what relationships mean the most to me?

My dad, my dog, my love

Chariot: what part of my life needs me to be more combative/ warrior-like?

Making myself do the things I need to do, simple things such as putting away clothes

Strength: what part of my life should I face with courage?

Facing the future

Hermit: what do I need to do alone more often? What do I need to do with others more often?

Take baths and do spells - just hang out anything really

Wheel of Fortune: what do I think about luck, fate, and/or fortune?

Hmm not sure haven't really thought about this before

Justice: when do I need to focus on legality vs fairness? Or, What may cause me to seek justice/retribution?

I don't think this really applies to this chapter of my life

Hanged Man: what have/will I sacrifice for -x-? What am I never willing to sacrifice? What will I easily give up?

I have sacrificed friendships to keep my own morals and boundaries. I will never sacrifice living with my dog lol. I would easily give up things that make other uncomfortable (if its not something essential to my being/personality or crosses my boundaries)

Death: what is something personal I want to end or change? What is something that will end or change no matter how I feel? How can I accept it?

The feeling of mundaneness day to day. But I know that will ultimately change :) I accept that with much happiness

Temperance: what part of my life needs more patience? What part needs more balance? How can I achieve both?

At my job with the teenagers, they're just kids. I try really hard to not be condescending when I'm teaching them something over again. I just need to remember the person I want to be and think "How do I wanna think about this?" before speaking. I need more balance between rest and play, I tend to think play is rest, that is just not true. I find it very hard to rest sometimes, even to watch a tv show, I constantly need stimulation. Less screen time would probably very beneficial.

Devil: what is a primal desire I have? Should I grant it to myself? Why or why not? How can I get what I want?

To be naked in nature lol, I think about it a lot how we as humans aren't "allowed" to do this anymore. I should grant this to myself, my love has a family ranch with aches and aches of woods so there is def the privacy to go out there and do this. Why I should, it is grounding and our most humanistic way to be.

Tower: what can I learn from the current or recent chaos/disaster in my life?

You won't always have close friends, but you'll always have yourself.

Star: what do I hope for? How can I get it?

Travel, make money

Moon: what part of my life is best kept private? Why?

Private, Private

Sun: what makes me happy?

My dog miss Angel

Judgement: what part of me needs reflection? What is a fair assessment of that part?

All of me, I'm not ready, thats okay

World: what parts of my life have been fulfilled? What parts are still lacking?

Young adventures, my love, I have everything I need, I just wish for a best friend again

[elfdyke]

HAHA OK UM. ivy exposition time hehe… come read my thoughts i put down in text for you all to read about what i perceive this fictional woman’s backstory to be (this is a lil more cohesive than my harley one but. YEA)

smal cw for VERY brief mentions of abuse (ivys dad + the joker r mentioned)

Ivy grew up in an emotionally vacant house. Her father was very emotionally abusive + occasionally physically. Her mother was hardly around. This caused her to have to take on a lot of responsibility for herself and basically grow up way sooner than she should have

She put a lot of effort into her schoolwork. She had a very caring and helpful science (either biology or environmental science) teacher, she nurtured Ivy’s love of botany

She got a scholarship to acclaimed college and essentially got a free ride? she worked on the side to pay for any spare expenses.

Woodrue was one of her teachers, he was academically lauded for his work in botany but hadn’t been very relevant in the recent scientific discoveries, essentially he was a big shot who got kind of washed up, but Ivy had studied his research extensively and found him incredibly inspiring.

They end up fostering a very intense relationship STRICTLY focused on their scientific research. (SHES LESBIAN.) They’re trying to prove a hypothesis Ivy’s presented about idfk.. accelerating plant growth. Harnessing toxins certain plants create for their healing properties…IDK I DON’T KNOW SCIENCE <3</p>

Their entire work relationship and all the shit they do feels like going 120 mph down a road the wrong way and she loves it. This is truly the first time she’s had full control over her own life and has someone who actually (as she believes) sees her as an equal and recognizes her intellect.

They end up escalating things because they’re both so desperate to prove Ivy’s hypothesis, and Ivy volunteers her own body for them to test their work on. She refuses Woodrue’s offer because its her theory, so she should be the one to suffer if things go wrong…

WHICH THEY DO. Shit goes sideways and Ivy experiences adverse reactions which cause her to become bed stricken (she refuses to go to the hospital because she’s afraid that the toxins could be extremely dangerous, and doesn’t want anyone to suffer because of her science).

She also tells Woodrue to keep his distance, because she wants him to be safe from it too, and he essentially just ghosts her. She’s upset about it but first blames herself because she feels like she’s done nothing but prove everyone right about what a failure she is.

She starts noticing changes affecting her, and its all kinds of fucked up. I can elaborate on this later <3. But essentially her physiology starts warping due to the green encompassing her, growing up from her hands and feet. I think the green parts of her body are cool to the touch, have a plant like texture, and MAYBE? Have plant cell structure ingrained in them vs animal cells.</p>

Also, the green initially starts slowly spreading up her body but she’s able to halt its progression, in order to lose herself completely (think of the kinda deal in annihilation, instead of sexy green plant lady ivy).

She catches wind that Woodrue had HER research published and is taking full credit for her hypothesis, without naming her whatsoever, and it essentially breaks any semblance of humanity she had left.

At this point she’s kind of crazy powerful and can control plantlife as we all know and love <3 She figures out that Woodrue is having a conference where he’s holding some kind of really important lecture on ‘his’ hypothesis, and plans to unmask his deceit in front of the entire scientific community. </p>

She also discovers that he’s warped her discovery from something she wanted to benefit humanity and the environment, to something to gain profit from, essentially going against everything she believed in.

She bursts into the conference and when she sees Woodrue, she essentially blacks out and next thing she knows she’s essentially pulled a Carrie…. NOT EVERYONE DIES!!!! But its brutal and fucked up and she 100% absolutely slaughters Woodrue and makes an example out of him. This is the point in her story where she officially loses any chance she had of her past life as Doctor Pamela Isley.

She uses his desecrated corpse to warn everyone in Gotham, in the world, that the green has woken and will no longer stand by and be desecrated by humanity.

Ivy does a lot of work trying to collapse industries that harm the environment across the world for a while but it’s also hard for her to much alone, and she almost gets bested a few times @_@ She’s absolutely a formidable threat, but she’s also one person with a massive weakness to fire

She ends up slinking back to Gotham to recover after a particularly nasty encounter

Something abhorrent happening in Gotham catches her eye and she can’t stop herself from making an appearance and attempts to wreak havoc before ultimately getting caught and shipped to Arkham for her “extremist beliefs”

Dr Harleen Quinzel is paired with her for weekly meetings.

Harley realizes very quickly Ivy is most certainly Not insane and repeatedly tries to get it appealed, but no one will listen to her. (Ivy was locked up in Arkham specifically bc of her environmental activism/terrorism)

Ivy’s very snide at Harley at first, looking down on her for being so bright eyed and bushy tailed about everything. She’s very much bitter about how she’s repeatedly been wronged, and always cast as a villain despite her believing she’s doing what she can to save the earth.

Ivy and Harley argue about if women can ever achieve anything in this world, the way its built. Harley says she’s sad ivy feels that way but knows she’s going to make a difference. She’s different and she’ll change things.

Ivy doesn’t entirely believe her but seeing someone so downright full of life and hope really does spark something in Ivy that never really dies down.

Eventually Harley gets reassigned and taken off Ivy’s case. They didn’t have a lot of time together but I think that Harley makes a worthy impact on Ivy. This is also before Harley has interacted much, if at all with the Joker

Time passes, Joker’s manipulation ensues, Harleen becomes Harley.

Ivy sees Harley Quinn during a run in with the Joker but doesn’t recognize her at first.

Until she speaks.

Ivy gets hit with a wave of nausea upon realizing how Harley’s fallen from the proud and bright girl who was sitting across from her in Arkham.

After that she uses the green to try and keep tabs on Harley and one night after a particularly bad beating, Joker kicks Harley out and Ivy manages to swoop in and rescue her from near death.

ALSO, IMPORTANT! Ivy struggles a lot with her disgust toward humanity vs her desire to protect Harley. It’s the reason it takes her a while to actively seek a hurt and broken Harley out and rescue her. (she resents herself a lot for not acting sooner, when she realizes how extensive Harley’s injuries are)

TOSSING THIS HERE . about Ivy’s sexuality. I can’t see her ever really opening herself up to any romantic relationships any time during her school life. She’s very driven and focused on her studies and her research. She never really gave her attraction to anyone much thought, so I think that she just expected she would never feel attracted to anyone? Until she meets Harley. I think that meeting Harley kind of opens her eyes like. Wait I can feel this? I deserve this kind of love? With a woman?… she has to work through some shit but she is a big lesbian in love with her weird little clown girlfriend

um i think thats all hehe…. i have more but i kinda wana write a fic about harls and ivy getting together from my interpretation so…… TUNE IN NEXT TIME <3</p>