#the pay wasnt worth the stress

[jade-len]

there was a weird ass part in my dream where shen yuan was like the chinese version of mr beast and i was his media manager or whatever and luo binghe was a reoccurring contestant but every time he participated he'd always win and get the money so, like, of course people started suspecting favoritism and cheating and it didn't help that when questioned shen yuan would just go "well it's not my fault you guys suck compared to my good boy white lotus sheep" which, mind you, did not look very good considering that binghe was still bunhe age which then also led to a whole other controversy where the internet suspected that rich man shen yuan was grooming binghe and i was genuinely so stressed out because shen yuan would say shit without fucking going to me first and it got to the point where shang qinghua saw my miserable ass and felt bad and took me out to eat at this noodle place (thank you airplane bro) but as i was enjoying this much needed break a notification from twitter popped up and it was a picture of binghe sitting on shen yuan's lap and i just quit my job right there.

[ink-mind]

still fcked up over not making any sales in my gallery

[balambwanderer]

I kinda miss culinary stuff tbh 😞

(left to right: three of my classmates, our chef, and me at an event)

[tojisbootycall]

journal entry

i watched kiki's delivery service when it came back in theaters and i dont know if it was the stress or exhaustion or shitty fucking week or all three, but i sobbed. i sobbed through the whole movie. there's an inexplicable feeling of hope throughout miyazaki's films that i usually enjoy, but this one time it punched me in the gut. KDS is about capitalism and how it leeches you dry. that's the point of the movie, and only through acts of humanity can we find ourselves again. its sweet and moving and one of the tamer ghibli movies on the market.

but as i watched kiki move from place to place and explore, i realized, somewhere that i had let callous over because looking back did no good, that i would never have that. that my time to be an explorative child was over, and i had spent it being cooped up and scared and afraid of anyone knowing me well enough to know that i was harboring a secret so deep it would take years for it to come forth. i spent it locked inside my room barely moving a muscle lest i wake the beast i was so scared of.

didnt matter. it ripped its way through my ribcage itself. it didnt hurt back then and it doesnt particularly hurt now. it was necessary because i wasnt going to realize my identity through any other way. i didnt grow up with gentle words and coaxing hands. it was do or die, and it took almost dying to do.

but for that one 120 minute stretch, it was agonizing. knowing i will never be a child. that i never was a child. that i was learning how to lie and shift identities seamlessly at the same age kiki explored her wants and needs. that shifting is certainly a skill, and one i still harbor. but...i do not have fond memories of finding myself like kiki does, like several children do. i have vague ideas of pain and many, many nights wondering how to make my transness go away. it never did. and i realized eventually it wasnt going to.

i am not the perfect trans person. i dont like being trans. i dont pass. i never will pass, not upon first glance. i didnt have tangential support in my house growing up and as an adult, paving my own way and paying my own way, i am too poor for surgeries. i have a large chest. one that wont go away with binding so i dont, because i also have chronic lung issues. i have pcos, which interacts directly with how my body metabolizes T. im fat. like. nothing is fucking easy. i have been met with brick wall after brick wall and if i could make my life a smidgeon easier by not being trans on top of it i would.

which is terrible, i know, which is why i often dont make being trans a facet of my online space, unless it becomes necessary. im just. so tired. i flinch whenever im outside. im never gendered correctly and at some point it just hurts. flayed from the outside in. other times its not me. i dissociate. thats not me theyre misgendering. it cant be. other times i just want to cry knowing it will never change. and so i must go on and find a way to cope with that. im not there yet though.

one day i will be. hopefully. i plan to stick around long enough to be. until then it is endless flinching, days where staying inside my home and not being seen is something like relief, and nights gripping onto anything that tells me staying here is worth it.

these will not be easy times. but eventually they will be easier. and i have to look forward to such things. until then, i think its ok to cry over ghibli movies every once in awhile.

[startlitmirrorshards]

💵 Vent Post, TW // anger, family issues, money issues, excessive cursing, low self-worth

I hate this woman so fucking much, she is just... ugh. Why must she constantly do things without any type of saving?! I know the issue with our partner spending, and he better be lucky Stello talked with him, but now she expects him to single handedly pay for the down-payment? This is... this is fucking ridiculous. I wish that $390 wasn't touched, I wish he didn't get the fucking flu, but here we are.

And without missing a beat, she is pushing for him to pay for more. She wants fucking money to pay off her debt for shit that she got her fucking self in. "Well you aren't bringing in money so he should pay for half" IF HE WASNT FUCKING HERE YOU'D BE STUCK WITH THE SAME EXACT BILLS SO FUCK NO, YOU BE FUCKING GRATEFUL HE IS PAYING FOR 1/3

Christ fuck, she is just... so fucking ANNOYING. And does she talk to him about money??? Nooooo, why would she do that? Keep talking to me and complaining vs the person who you actually fucking need.

Everything about this is fucking stressful, we hate it. I hate it. Stello is constantly spiraling because of the fucking hag and we are, yet again, in a critical fucking state. We feel fucking useless because he cannot actively keep a job. Hell, Stello fucking struggles with taking care of a dog and you expect him to get a job? We're trying to get something, but the government is doing their favorite "drag our feet and make the poor suffer" bullshit.

It's bad that even I agree with Stello sometimes. What is even the point of all this...? We are trying to get better but are in a constant state of stress about money because we can't get better to work and we can't work + school, but we feel so fucking useless. And this old woman isn't helping by the constant statements of how we make nothing. ACTUALLY WHY IS SHE FUCKING COMPLAINING WHEN SHE SPENT $130 AT WALMART WITH 30+ BEING FUCKING PILLOWS SHE DIDNT NEED AND 20+ ANIMALS TOYS THAT COULD HAVE WAITED?! AND SHE WANTS US TO SEND HER MONEY TO PUT ON HER OVERDO BILLS?! AND SHE-

FUCK HER

Fucking hate this hate all.

[anandasamsara]

i guess im in a new low for my depression

im kind of afraid of going outside. its not really fear, but its uncomfortable to think about getting out of the house and i feel like i dont deserve to??

which tangles with the "there are relatively good things happening between the bad ones, but the good things happening arent the ones that should be happening, so i cant feel good about them"

like, i guess my parents are actually really divorcing this time, which is the bad thing, but ive been able to get a few conventions down for the next two months, which should be good, but what i actually need to happen is a real job that i can use to pay rent if/when my dad goes away, which is both bad and good, bc i dont actually want a job bc i dont feel like i can put up with any more stress, but i do want dad to leave bc its been impossible with him here, so i need the job...

my anxiety has also been manifesting as rashes and acne bc the feeling isnt enough anymore for my brain to let me know there are things wrong all around even tho theres not much i can do about it other than worry

i also dont feel human bc i dont want to deal with everything, i dont want a job, i dont want to feel, ive been sleeping for like almost 15 hours per day, havent washed my hair in two weeks and dont feel any motivation to keep going

im trying tho, but the only thing that makes me feel a little bit better is thinking about the big convention thats coming up in july, but i know i shouldnt be thinking about it bc i need a stable job and income to pay the bills, and then it stresses me out and i feel burnt out and not wanting to exist

and then i catch myself thinking on how much better my mom's life would have been if i wasnt born, and then i blame my parents for everything bc i sure as hell didnt ask to be here and have to deal with expectations in a world that will never be accomodating to any of my limitations that i only learned i had after becoming a legal adult bc i was the gifted child and never had to think about it before

and this limitations keep surprising me still bc now i cant keep up with my friends for most things, i cant lift much weight even tho my arms can take it, i cant go up anything steeper than a 20° angle without struggle, cant be on my feet for more than 4 hours a day, and if its cold or too hot it goes down to 2 hours max, if i get cramps on my left leg it can take up to 3 days to get better and who know wht can happen if i fall down stairs again. theres a hook holding the bone in place, and if i break it, no idea if it can be fixed

and im still called lazy, or irresponsible, or someone has the guts to send me a job offer of babysitter or tell me that if i have to leave the post grad to be a cashier in a supermarket, that's life for me

i did leave, i cant afford it and it was turning out to be an awful place with awful professors

i was counting with the conventions to keep the post grad and try to go back to therapy, but this is the second month with none and as i get desperate, i also get hit repeatedly with my own limits and my own self worth that says i only have my body in this life so i shouldnt sacrifice it, but then i know i wont have much choice soon, so again, why am i even here to start with? i did not sign up for this, i do not want to be here

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.

[roguestarsailor]

I was having such a good fucken day and of course it can’t be a full 24 hour of good. Maybe it’s me managing my emotions and maybe then I’ll stress less but I guess I’m not so I’m gonna be mad about it! Literally wanted to send this stupid fucken document and be done with it (especially since I have literally 8 more of them to do before Tuesday) I wanted to be done end of TODAY. I redid all graphics I needed and closed out all the feedback I got and to find out right now, at 3pm that actually there’s a LOT of things wrong with it. Now I have to go back to render jail and redo the graphics. It’s not that heavy of a lift but I literally had plans to do THE OTHER FUCKEN WORK and I’m so upset!! Literally want to tear up right now. I don’t want to do this work. I fucken hate it!! Fml I didn’t live a frugal lifestyle and decided to ball out in this VHCOL area and now I can’t just quit cuz I don’t have money. It’s so fucked. I’m so frustrated that this wasnt caught sooner and I’m also annoyed my shit aren’t worth anything and yet I have to dedicate so much of my time to this. It takes soo much time, it’s so many little details and its frustrating so much work is placed on me (and the viz team which is two of us) to pay attention and fix this shit. I’m mad af. I wanted to be done with this shit but noppeeeee

[p-t-f-s]

everytime i make a new friend or i open up about shit it /always/ ends up at one point or another they say my life is like a tv show or i should write a book or pitch my life - like more a handful amount of times, like damn near every time i make a friend. and like. i wish they were wrong when i try to look objectively at what im telling them and not just. my life that i wake up and live and go to sleep with every day. but also like. thats also a looooooooooot of people ive met??? everyone has interesting and fun stories, but most of life is so similarly repetitive that we forget it more than we experience. also i do believe it is my autistic rizz. and ability to self sooth and parent.

[its all just personal life bitching/discussion/musings below]

anyways i wish life would be calm for like. a couple months pls. i know a year is too much to ask but literally this year has been a lot. like last year was a lot but it wasnt a fucking competition. getting my car stolen again, then losing my job in what was supposed to be my 5 year anniversary, and then finding out my uncle had stage 4 cancer. then it was spring break and i got to visit my cousing with a thankfully preplanned and prepayed vacation during the midst and height and she and her husband were like "heres our cocktail maker. get as drunk as you want" which was nice of them so i stayed tipsy half the time i was awake instead of high while in seattle. went to a wine tasting expo. got throw up drunk. my cousin was very impressed by my ability to keep my manners while drunk past my tits and wait to throw up till after id rolled the window down and stuck my head out. i was getting blackout drunk bc id apparently texted my friends i loved them which i had no recollection of doing considering my phone was actively dying while i was still only actually tipsy at that expo. i was also less stress then bc my car had been found. totalled, crashed and smashed in the front which thankfully i owed less than it was worth so they payout covered the downpayment for my new car. rip to not getting my personalized horse license plate with my name on it. then i get back home and my uncle is now dead and the whole family is in town for the funeral. its been a cascade of em for a few years now since my mom started the party back in 21.

by the viewing id started a new job for a week. close by home and only a dollar less than previously. they were asking a whole lot for shit pay in truth. and NOW. I FIND OUT THE JOB I STARTED WHILE TAKING A FRAUD ACCOUNTING CLASS. MIGHT BE VICTIM TO FRAUD. POSSIBLY SINCE INCEPTION AND IN THE MOST TERRIBLY HORRIBLY OBVIOUS WAY THAT JUST KEPT SLOWLY AND SLOWLY GETTING PEELED AND REVEALED. I love it when the head of one department tells me hes in cahoots with the head of another dpt and a few workers from their and others about the terrible company shit they found and are kinda looking at other jobs. ofc he did say that after i said to his face that i was spending a bit every morning applying to other jobs after learning of the possible fraud VIA OUR """CONSULTING CFO""" having been previously convicted of fraud. twice. over a decade between convictions. were getting drinks later this week for him to tell me everything else hes found and lurked about in the system. and how no one understands what accounting is or does or how i actually spend half or most of my day playing solitaire or watching anime. bc they want me to be a controller but are calling and paying me at the clerk level. so thats what they get. i love the phrase act your wage.

theres still so many other things that have happened this year too that i still havent mentioned. like the moon hole. passive aggressive fighting with my upstairs neighbor who said i was "delusional and fucking hallucinating" bc i said he stomps in the middle of the night. and literally as i typed that there he went above my head at. ah. 10:58 pm. since my second talking to him in march i know ive not been the only one to talk to him about his shaking the goddamn foundations of the building or waking the toddler constantly in the apartment next to his, diagonal from mine. the surprise birthday party my friends threw for me after literally freightening me when i came home with surprise and each giving me different hearfelt and attentive gifts of all my different interests. weekly dinners with my dad on the same days he was court ordered to have my older siblings and i during the week as he lives 10 minutes away taking care of our grandfather. hes the only reason i get updates on my older sisters life as she blocked me on all social media and cut me from her life before our mothers death for our differing political beliefs. infighting truly is the death of leftists as out beliefs were always closer together than to that of our very republican parents. but im also not an american government shoe loving authority cuck like most the rest of em. "you know what its like to be a minority bc you were a literal minority of being white kids going to a majority black school in the city." to my fucking FACE. not only is that incredibly dismissive on so many levels but like with how LEGITIMATELY my siblings took and NOODED THEIR HEADS?????? TO IT. truly fiction is a joke compared to life.

anyways this is the most any of you will ever get from me here on tumblr in months, good luck to any of my followers seeing this who were unaware i am a person and wassup to my mutuals entirely unaware of my life and smooches to my dear dear friends who are all very aware of all of this. everyone else. idgaf, this was for me to vent and proclaim. bc i lay down in my bed with my cat looking very disappointed that im not asleep despite how late it is and i have to go to sleep keeping all of that with me for the rest of my life. oh it may not stay close, it may not be completely there by the end, but i know i will always be aware even more so than before when i was living out of my car, of what i keep in and am willing to leave in and with it. I have somehow kept that cute little cactus my friend gave my for my birthday alive still, i now have a whole wall of plants that ive kept alive for over a year, and i plant to keep that as long as I can. I have presents and gifts and memories that i plan to look fondly on tomorrow and the day after and the day after that and so on. afterall. I need to check on my plants and water them, and feed my cat. everyday a tragedy happens and still i must feed my cat. my mother was dying, and still i had to feed my cat. was she suffering? no, she was not even there anymore to be suffering and still i must go home and feed my cat and sleep and wake up and there is my cat to welcome my mornings after guarding my nights, a clear agreement that she must be fed once pleased with her pettings. my elder sister blocked me and cut me from her life before our mothers death and even during she did not change, strong in her stance and belief not even grief would change or ease her foundations. nor would my grief stop my cat from being fed. every day i wake and sleep with all these things and one day my cat will die. and i will grieve. and it will not be her that gets me through it, but she will never be parted from me again. i will wake up and make the same sleepy motions that indicate her morning ritual that will not be performed. my day will be as different and as same as it was before. i will sleep and i will wake with it all and i will meet someone new and tell them the first time i really got into energy drinks was after getting a whole case for being a smartass at 7am to emergency driving instructors. that i only started drinking coffee bc a boy who liked me worked at starbucks and so gave me a large giftcard and an in to getting my first job at starbucks. you never know why or how somethings started.

[boxofdicks]

the only privilege i ever assume people have inherently is when i talk to other usamerican uni students when i was in undergrad in the states, cause when theyre stressed about assignments im always like why dont you just. take some adderall and pull an all nighter about this. why not just have 4 red bulls and an adderall and some cigarettes and submit the damn assignment. cause are you about to tell me you dont have access to this? seriously? you do. text your freshman year roommate and ask her. just spend your beer money for the week on this. live in the lib for a week. ive had diagnosed and prescribed adhd since i was 11 so i have to take these pills a few times a week to simply do my readings but they are so available to you people. and so i assume everyone has this privilege and if they dont then im like well i simply cannot aid you in your pursuits. not only can i conceive of an academic situation in which red bull and an adderall would not help but i dont know how youve gotten this far without at least the red bull part. i can recommend using the tool mybib for citations. google scholar and jstor and the writing center and emailing your professor asking for an extension bc ive never been turned down for one less than 48 hours. and adderall. when im a professor and i have office hours i will have to remedy this approach.

do you think people rawdog law school? med school? do you think theres a single biology or engineering or mandarin or comp sci or religious studies student who made honors without adderall. one time my buddy in seminary school got his hands on some cocaine and spent 4 days trading futures online before etrade found out he wasnt licensed to do so and he got banned. he made eight thousand dollars off of four hundred. and what did he do next? took a few days off to sleep, then passed his midterms. then he hit a deer with his truck and had to shoot it to put it out of its misery, so he took it to the local farm butcher and got years worth of venison. we make chili out of the sausage he gave my parents to thank us for hosting thanksgiving. the moral of this story? sometimes the grindset can pay off in mysterious ways. the power of stimulants is within you. you have the power to take control of this night and make it an all nighter and succeed. business majors abuse these. they use them without honor. they dont read textbooks or write essays or do math or whatever engineers do. they dont even trade rich peoples portfolios. they may network at best. at best. they party and then preach the grindset and sales. these people have rarely grinded. only when they took econ classes and had to learn stats did they grind. my friends. the grindset is within you. you can make thousands legally but not within the terms of service. you can finish the essay and pass. this isnt about adderall. its about grit. and red bull

[strawberryspeachy]

Im not allowed to be in peace. Ever. Every time i make the decision to enjoy a break I have and not worry about things ANOTHER DISASTER HAPPENS and then i CANT ignore it because I’m in the middle of it

My heart always hurts

My bodys always weak

Im always so fucking stressed

And im TIRED of being a punching bag and i cant fucking do anything about it

Im treated so bad in japan. I hate this stupid racist fucking country. But my money is basically half its worth back home because of the fucking economy. And it WASNT WHEN I CAME HERE

i planned to come. Take a year and a half or so break. vacation and go to concerts. Then go home. But no i got here. Then corona blocked me into the fucking country that had nothing to do

Then my mom died

That my gpa sold the house leaving me with no where to go

And ive been fucking stuck since debating between staying here FIGHTING to do a job I actually like against a bunch of entitled white fuckheads who hate the job and suck at it. While being treated badly and paid nothing

Now the price of japan has risen over the salary that 3 years ago was the salary that I could have lived comfortably.

Lied to and used and thrown out of my last school. Cant get a better job. Thought I found a decent one only to find its WORSE THAN THE FUCKING DISPATCH COMPANIES IVE WORKED WITH. HOW DO I KEEP FINDING WORSE AND WORSE COMPANIES?!?!

My mother got arrested and is being charged with shit that could keep her in jail forever. Shes crazy and annoying but she pisses me off mostly because shes the only family i have that gives a fuck about me

And i cant even just do my job and ignore shit like ive been doing because this new shitty school gave me like no fucking classes but wants me to desk warm ALL THE TIME

Meaning they want me there doing other peoples fucking jobs and being a fucking servant - im here to TEACH not be an office worker. AND THEYRE PAYING ME LESS THAN EVERYONE

I want to die so so so bad i hate being alive ive never wanted to be why cant i just fucking die

[dani-the-toad]

i need money for therapy and its going to be 2 weeks worth this week because i wasnt sent money last week for it and i still didnt have a job and i am not starting my job until next week but i also really need money for this fucking framing and also other convention stuff that is pretty much in a week but i found an easy solution but it still costs money and i need to order it soon bc i need it by early next week and i need those stupid fucking plastic things so i can sell my prints without worry and business cards and so many fucking things but holy shit dude i am so stressed out because i hate asking for money from my dad even though he said hed help and i can just pay him back with con funds and head in hands. scream. what the fuck am i doing. im freaking the fuck out dude.

[brothalynchhung]

2023 overview

im such a loyal person man LMAOOO i still specfically come back here to do this lool anyways this year was fucking insane like FUCKING insane and long as hell... grniguehrsi

i think i started the year a lil depressed cuz i was working that fuckass job

lets seee

i think jan 2023 was nothing but me suffering through that fuck ass job, gyming, etc.,

that old apt ahahah i mean tbh it was nice but too big and TOO SECLUDED omg

actually the way i spent a whole year so isolated from society was crazy what the fawk

i dont even think i got much out of it like self improvement wise

maybe japanese? guitar? but that came only at the end

i guess playing ps5... lol -_-

i gained so much weight cuz of depression and that stressful ass job

the way i think majority of that weight was just the AMOUNT OF CORTISOL BUILD UP I HAD

anyways jan was whatever

then i went to umrah in feb which was stressful cuz the amount of ppl and the BUGS man god

this whole time i thought my prayers werent answers but they were tbh i had a good year even if there was struggles

i didnt get gl yet but APPARENTLY thats too much to ask for

whatever

then barcelona lMAOOO which was okay!! i think i would have obv enjoyed it more if i wasnt there for work but i mean still it was just another european city

my spanish was ass

i was too paranoid about someone jacking my phone lol

survived tho

ate some GOOD ASS FOOD. omg best food ever

and the sangriaasss omg

it was worth it being the canon event of me getting fired LMAO

hoenstly was a lil ugly ass bitch that co founder was fuck him fr

loser highkey

anywho

so spain barcelona and saudi 2 countries down within the first 3months of the year

tbh basically up until june majority of my year was this stupid ass job travelling here and there complaining about that ugly ass bitch

omg what a shaytan that man was holyshit and not like a powerful shaytan more like a whiny weak insecure life sucking pitiful pathetic piece of shit shaytan the one that lowers the energies of everything around it

pitiful ass human fr im so happy that shit got out of my life

that was the best thing to happen to me this year like not exclusively him but the whole job too LOL

like thanks for the pay and travel finessed the fuck out all tbh BYE

chaper closed thank god

and whats crazy is that the SECOND after that meeting i forgot about it all lMFAOOOO LIKE I WAS READYY

march was cool i finally got to go back to america

actually march lowkey changed my life

texas was so much fun omg i miss america man americans are nice just h8 their govt

sxsw!!! DUDE ive always wanted to go and GOT TO ALL under someone elses coin LMFAOOOOOO

met cool ppl ig, saw cool things, film and tv industry - coool cool cool

and i didnt rlly have to do shit there LMAO

anyways then went to houston where nadas friend HELD IT DOWNNNNN

like finally omg i got to get hiiii FINALLY

RODEO HIGH VEGAN SOUL FOOD HIGH

THE FOOD WAS SO GOOD THE RECORD SHOPPING WAS SEXY

so good

then i came back and i was mad depressed cuz i should be out there working and learning from ppl who like the shit as me not stuck out the middle of FUCK ASS NOWHERE DOING NOTHING

which yeah i think that like lit the fire out of my ass about how much i hated the job and place and cuz ad was like quarantine istg

thennn hmm april..OH YEAH JAPAN

BASICALLY ONCE I GOT BACK IT WAS HELL DEALING WITH THAT FUCK ASS JOB CUZ OF THE STUPID ASS.

i dont even remember waht the bullshit ass term is

uhhh i forget lMAOOO that stupid bullshit where i was PERFORMANCE PLANNN

stupid as fuck what kind of corporate fake working society term is that omfg

AND FOR NOTHING BUT THAT THING IN BARCELONA WHERE I DIDNT GO TO SOME BULLSHIT

i dont care was worth it like fuck yeah bitch!! i really am using yall to fuck around and travel cuz THIS STUPID ASS JOB IS NOT MY FUTURE

and it isint omg its like it never exsited LMFAO

anyways that stressed me out but thank god i had edibles lmao

DUHA HELD IT DOWNN

mmm then i survived to japan

I WENT TO JAPAN THIS YEAR OMFG AFTER YEARS!!! YEARSSSS!!! OF DREAMING ABOUT JAPAN!!! I GOT TO GO

honestly me going to japan was what made this year like this def had to be one of the best years of my life just for that on its own

actually like yeah this def was oddly enough one of the best years of my life?

emotionally hell yes but everything else was good

jsut stupid self-inflicted stress (minus that fuck ass job)

anyways japan was amazing left it wanting to learn the language and AM

i cant wait to go back

and the fact i hit tokyo kyoto and osaka all at once omg amazing

nintendo world 😭 shibuya 😭 just kyoto in general 😭

i bought so much omg

THE FOOD OMG THEIUEHGSEIUH

i had so much good food this year lmao barcelona, japan, texas 🤪

anywhoo after that i basically dont remember much of may like it was just tryna get through the shit and deal with that stupid ass plan and talking to that dumb bitch

which i punked off and he didnt like like fuck u u ugly untalented waste of life ? im not talking nice to u or respecting your bitch ass

and he think getting rid of me was a slap in the face as if that wasnt exactly what i wanted LMFAOOO

3 months leave with pay ??? and i scammed yall w the ticket price?? LOOOOOL oKAYYY THANKS!!!

CHAPTER CLOSED

so basically june they let me gooo true freedom then had the best month of my life in thailand which was FUCKKINGGG MAAZINGGG

omg thailand was so much fun i felt so free

the most free and most happy i ever felt in my life

krabi .. rayleh beach omg the weed and shrooms on the beach 😭

seriously i had no one in my face, no bitches, no work, money, freedom, time, no problems NOTHING

i seriously think those few days in krabi were the happiest moments of my life ever

like pure freedom and security and happiness in ever sense of each word

soooo grateful

and i deserved it after all the stupid ass stress that stupid ass job put me through

and the whole time i was there i was just so grateful i never felt that much gratitude in my life ever

thailand in general was fun omg i bought so much stuff i loved bangkok

i just love travelling man seriously im just built to travel around discover and learn about the world i love connected with the world and exploring and adventuring i hate being stuck in a place

all i ever want to do is travel and live like really LIVE

hate work

anywho right after i came back to my freedom then basically just chilled until i had to go to canada

which was 🙄

listen - ottawa was surprisingly okay actually i enjoyed it, i smoked, i walked around listening to y2k music, stayed at home all cozy, appreciated the nature and the nostalgia lmaoo even chilling w lina and her cousins was fun

but toronto -_- listen im never going to forgive that bitch for throwing me out and those other hoes for not being there for me

shout out to p tho lol

all i wanted to do was leave istg

toronto was a lil boring but i was also just mad cuz all my friends were all

CUT OFFFFF ill never see yall again except maybe nadine and p

for once ottawa was better than toronto

anyways i think im 1000% done w toronto

CHAPTER CLOSED

thank god finally

oh yeah i started a youtube account that im trying to take seriously i guess LOL

i still need to keep going and working on it but its fun

OH YEAH CHICAGOO

LOLLAAPALOOZAAA

yeah thank god that crazy bitch didnt come but omg what a waste of a ticket but anyways her L not mine

just thankful that i had the money for all of this -_- shout out that fuck ass job i guess lmao

part 2... ?

[a-curious-little-thing]

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night (???) @worth-beyond-a-number-scale !

Genuine question. Not a callout post, or anything negative, I am literally just... genuinely curious and want to ask, but it's been two months of me trying to figure out how I'm even gonna go about this without coming across as rude so I'm just gonna try giving it a go now and hope for the best.

In this post, you said that "95% of all weight loss attempts fail, which is an actual statistic from decades of studies and not an exaggeration." I did some looking, found the site you were quoting from a different post and read it. The site you linked specifically was just one paragraph from a longer article, so I read that too. They all mention the 95% thing.

But then I visit this website (yes, I know it has nutrition in the name, I didn't realize that until just now, I'm sorry if that was a poor move on my part!) which states:

I included the "there are some people who believe that intentional weight loss is not only... [rest of it]" bit because from how you talk about it, when i read that part it really did feel like something similar to what you've said before.

Again, i cannot stress enough just how much I'm not trying to be confrontational, or call you out, or just anything like I'm implying you're wrong. I really don't want to argue. I just want to know why you hold the opinion you do, and to understand it and evaluate my own opinion and see if I need to reflect.

I tried writing a draft to this like two months ago, and I read the New York Times article then, but when I tried reading it just now it said that I need to pay a subscription. By frantically refreshing the page and highlighting as much text as possible and hitting ctrl+c, I was able to copy the entire article into my google docs! (i'm only including this bit because imo this is really the only important part of the article, the rest is just diet stuff related... :/

The whole article does do a lot of framing weight-loss as the goal of everything, which does admittedly drag my point down a bit. (I would've personally preferred a much more neutral telling, imo) But, my point is, Dr. Stunkard has stated he no longer supports his study, though it has become so widespread at this point a lot of people treat it as fact.

You also say that there's been years of research behind the 95% study, but I will be honest. I couldn't find them. It could've been that I just wasn't using the right keywords, or I skimmed them by accident, or my inability to find the right articles when doing research has struck once again, but either way I couldn't find anything besides a handful of articles supporting this study and the rest quoting this NY article.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm confused. I don't want to seem like I'm publicly calling you out or I'm accusing you of lying or anything like that. But I don't know how else to get your attention (asks closed, you said you haven't really been looking at your messages, reblogging your posts would just... get very cluttery after a certain point) and doing this seems like it'll be my best chance. I've also been mulling over this in my head since December and it's starting to bother me. Even if you could just link me more articles that support your opinion and have verifiable research behind them besides Dr. Stunkard's study (what i mean is, any other study about this that wasnt done by him) that would be great, and if I'm still confused then I'll ask more questions. Politely. If you're alright with that.

I don't know how to end this post. I hope your day has been well? I hope I didn't say anything rude or offensive, if I did please correct me. Have a good day/night.

[cardtorius]

Ok good news and bad news is i basically HAD to quit. So for one thing i was right about yesterday he literally said he sent me home cuz i was sick on monday and he wasnt going to pay me to be in the bathroom all day, which is fair, but i had to argue with him about "how long" it was, motherfucker wanted to say 25 minutes when it was literally 15, 11:32 to 11:47, and i shit like once a day usually so i think thats fair and i explained how i drink alot of water and may pee frequently but its 1-2 mins and not only that but the fact that it was one time doesn't justify sending me home ntm kind of a stupid convo to be having when they knew you were sick the day b4. Then he also wanted to reem me out about my work how yesterday took me an hour to get a lead, how im not doing what hes saying when i am or im trying anyway, i said look "i can't deal with someone thats gonna pick and choose what they feel is worth acknowledging of what i do" and ya know "maybe you should have made sure my numbers were where they needed to be b4 having me work the warehouse" i still can't believe this asshole was gonna chew me out like that and send me back on the phones thinking thatd make a difference like no wonder my numbers are low dude gives bad advisory and expects the world. He told me a week ago to "kick the beta male nice guy routine" on the phones which i did and i think in one day of changing that it didnt work right away, what i didnt tell him is i had 8 leads by the time i left but somehow that probably wouldn't have mattered. I also like the fact he compares me to two middle aged ladies, that also work in the office, that have 2 pretty extinuating factors on me 1 they both have been there longer, 2 gov. Receptionists tend to trust a female on the phone asking for a model number than a man, the sheer amount of stress culminating from doing the job itself and dealing with this manager was insane, he knew i had outside shit going on too and used it against me at one point like "you gotta deal with your outside shit". Anyway apologies for the rant, don't trust any telemarketer companies, big or small. Fuck i promise ill stop using tumblr as a diary starting now. Lol i swear.

I have a feeling im getting fired today.

[pleckthaniel]

I love how my mom makes Growing Up Poor a huge part of her identity and talks about it constantly and also I, her child who she constantly brags about being smart and accomplished, am less than 6 months away from earning an Actual Degree in sociology and have taken half a dozen classes on American socioeconomic strata and yet despite all this I still cannot convince her that people my age aren’t being poor on purpose