#the pay wasnt worth the stress

[jade-len]

there was a weird ass part in my dream where shen yuan was like the chinese version of mr beast and i was his media manager or whatever and luo binghe was a reoccurring contestant but every time he participated he'd always win and get the money so, like, of course people started suspecting favoritism and cheating and it didn't help that when questioned shen yuan would just go "well it's not my fault you guys suck compared to my good boy white lotus sheep" which, mind you, did not look very good considering that binghe was still bunhe age which then also led to a whole other controversy where the internet suspected that rich man shen yuan was grooming binghe and i was genuinely so stressed out because shen yuan would say shit without fucking going to me first and it got to the point where shang qinghua saw my miserable ass and felt bad and took me out to eat at this noodle place (thank you airplane bro) but as i was enjoying this much needed break a notification from twitter popped up and it was a picture of binghe sitting on shen yuan's lap and i just quit my job right there.

[ink-mind]

still fcked up over not making any sales in my gallery

[balambwanderer]

I kinda miss culinary stuff tbh 😞

(left to right: three of my classmates, our chef, and me at an event)

[tojisbootycall]

journal entry

i watched kiki's delivery service when it came back in theaters and i dont know if it was the stress or exhaustion or shitty fucking week or all three, but i sobbed. i sobbed through the whole movie. there's an inexplicable feeling of hope throughout miyazaki's films that i usually enjoy, but this one time it punched me in the gut. KDS is about capitalism and how it leeches you dry. that's the point of the movie, and only through acts of humanity can we find ourselves again. its sweet and moving and one of the tamer ghibli movies on the market.

but as i watched kiki move from place to place and explore, i realized, somewhere that i had let callous over because looking back did no good, that i would never have that. that my time to be an explorative child was over, and i had spent it being cooped up and scared and afraid of anyone knowing me well enough to know that i was harboring a secret so deep it would take years for it to come forth. i spent it locked inside my room barely moving a muscle lest i wake the beast i was so scared of.

didnt matter. it ripped its way through my ribcage itself. it didnt hurt back then and it doesnt particularly hurt now. it was necessary because i wasnt going to realize my identity through any other way. i didnt grow up with gentle words and coaxing hands. it was do or die, and it took almost dying to do.

but for that one 120 minute stretch, it was agonizing. knowing i will never be a child. that i never was a child. that i was learning how to lie and shift identities seamlessly at the same age kiki explored her wants and needs. that shifting is certainly a skill, and one i still harbor. but...i do not have fond memories of finding myself like kiki does, like several children do. i have vague ideas of pain and many, many nights wondering how to make my transness go away. it never did. and i realized eventually it wasnt going to.

i am not the perfect trans person. i dont like being trans. i dont pass. i never will pass, not upon first glance. i didnt have tangential support in my house growing up and as an adult, paving my own way and paying my own way, i am too poor for surgeries. i have a large chest. one that wont go away with binding so i dont, because i also have chronic lung issues. i have pcos, which interacts directly with how my body metabolizes T. im fat. like. nothing is fucking easy. i have been met with brick wall after brick wall and if i could make my life a smidgeon easier by not being trans on top of it i would.

which is terrible, i know, which is why i often dont make being trans a facet of my online space, unless it becomes necessary. im just. so tired. i flinch whenever im outside. im never gendered correctly and at some point it just hurts. flayed from the outside in. other times its not me. i dissociate. thats not me theyre misgendering. it cant be. other times i just want to cry knowing it will never change. and so i must go on and find a way to cope with that. im not there yet though.

one day i will be. hopefully. i plan to stick around long enough to be. until then it is endless flinching, days where staying inside my home and not being seen is something like relief, and nights gripping onto anything that tells me staying here is worth it.

these will not be easy times. but eventually they will be easier. and i have to look forward to such things. until then, i think its ok to cry over ghibli movies every once in awhile.

[anandasamsara]

i guess im in a new low for my depression

im kind of afraid of going outside. its not really fear, but its uncomfortable to think about getting out of the house and i feel like i dont deserve to??

which tangles with the "there are relatively good things happening between the bad ones, but the good things happening arent the ones that should be happening, so i cant feel good about them"

like, i guess my parents are actually really divorcing this time, which is the bad thing, but ive been able to get a few conventions down for the next two months, which should be good, but what i actually need to happen is a real job that i can use to pay rent if/when my dad goes away, which is both bad and good, bc i dont actually want a job bc i dont feel like i can put up with any more stress, but i do want dad to leave bc its been impossible with him here, so i need the job...

my anxiety has also been manifesting as rashes and acne bc the feeling isnt enough anymore for my brain to let me know there are things wrong all around even tho theres not much i can do about it other than worry

i also dont feel human bc i dont want to deal with everything, i dont want a job, i dont want to feel, ive been sleeping for like almost 15 hours per day, havent washed my hair in two weeks and dont feel any motivation to keep going

im trying tho, but the only thing that makes me feel a little bit better is thinking about the big convention thats coming up in july, but i know i shouldnt be thinking about it bc i need a stable job and income to pay the bills, and then it stresses me out and i feel burnt out and not wanting to exist

and then i catch myself thinking on how much better my mom's life would have been if i wasnt born, and then i blame my parents for everything bc i sure as hell didnt ask to be here and have to deal with expectations in a world that will never be accomodating to any of my limitations that i only learned i had after becoming a legal adult bc i was the gifted child and never had to think about it before

and this limitations keep surprising me still bc now i cant keep up with my friends for most things, i cant lift much weight even tho my arms can take it, i cant go up anything steeper than a 20° angle without struggle, cant be on my feet for more than 4 hours a day, and if its cold or too hot it goes down to 2 hours max, if i get cramps on my left leg it can take up to 3 days to get better and who know wht can happen if i fall down stairs again. theres a hook holding the bone in place, and if i break it, no idea if it can be fixed

and im still called lazy, or irresponsible, or someone has the guts to send me a job offer of babysitter or tell me that if i have to leave the post grad to be a cashier in a supermarket, that's life for me

i did leave, i cant afford it and it was turning out to be an awful place with awful professors

i was counting with the conventions to keep the post grad and try to go back to therapy, but this is the second month with none and as i get desperate, i also get hit repeatedly with my own limits and my own self worth that says i only have my body in this life so i shouldnt sacrifice it, but then i know i wont have much choice soon, so again, why am i even here to start with? i did not sign up for this, i do not want to be here

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.

[roguestarsailor]

I was having such a good fucken day and of course it can’t be a full 24 hour of good. Maybe it’s me managing my emotions and maybe then I’ll stress less but I guess I’m not so I’m gonna be mad about it! Literally wanted to send this stupid fucken document and be done with it (especially since I have literally 8 more of them to do before Tuesday) I wanted to be done end of TODAY. I redid all graphics I needed and closed out all the feedback I got and to find out right now, at 3pm that actually there’s a LOT of things wrong with it. Now I have to go back to render jail and redo the graphics. It’s not that heavy of a lift but I literally had plans to do THE OTHER FUCKEN WORK and I’m so upset!! Literally want to tear up right now. I don’t want to do this work. I fucken hate it!! Fml I didn’t live a frugal lifestyle and decided to ball out in this VHCOL area and now I can’t just quit cuz I don’t have money. It’s so fucked. I’m so frustrated that this wasnt caught sooner and I’m also annoyed my shit aren’t worth anything and yet I have to dedicate so much of my time to this. It takes soo much time, it’s so many little details and its frustrating so much work is placed on me (and the viz team which is two of us) to pay attention and fix this shit. I’m mad af. I wanted to be done with this shit but noppeeeee

[p-t-f-s]

everytime i make a new friend or i open up about shit it /always/ ends up at one point or another they say my life is like a tv show or i should write a book or pitch my life - like more a handful amount of times, like damn near every time i make a friend. and like. i wish they were wrong when i try to look objectively at what im telling them and not just. my life that i wake up and live and go to sleep with every day. but also like. thats also a looooooooooot of people ive met??? everyone has interesting and fun stories, but most of life is so similarly repetitive that we forget it more than we experience. also i do believe it is my autistic rizz. and ability to self sooth and parent.

[its all just personal life bitching/discussion/musings below]

anyways i wish life would be calm for like. a couple months pls. i know a year is too much to ask but literally this year has been a lot. like last year was a lot but it wasnt a fucking competition. getting my car stolen again, then losing my job in what was supposed to be my 5 year anniversary, and then finding out my uncle had stage 4 cancer. then it was spring break and i got to visit my cousing with a thankfully preplanned and prepayed vacation during the midst and height and she and her husband were like "heres our cocktail maker. get as drunk as you want" which was nice of them so i stayed tipsy half the time i was awake instead of high while in seattle. went to a wine tasting expo. got throw up drunk. my cousin was very impressed by my ability to keep my manners while drunk past my tits and wait to throw up till after id rolled the window down and stuck my head out. i was getting blackout drunk bc id apparently texted my friends i loved them which i had no recollection of doing considering my phone was actively dying while i was still only actually tipsy at that expo. i was also less stress then bc my car had been found. totalled, crashed and smashed in the front which thankfully i owed less than it was worth so they payout covered the downpayment for my new car. rip to not getting my personalized horse license plate with my name on it. then i get back home and my uncle is now dead and the whole family is in town for the funeral. its been a cascade of em for a few years now since my mom started the party back in 21.

by the viewing id started a new job for a week. close by home and only a dollar less than previously. they were asking a whole lot for shit pay in truth. and NOW. I FIND OUT THE JOB I STARTED WHILE TAKING A FRAUD ACCOUNTING CLASS. MIGHT BE VICTIM TO FRAUD. POSSIBLY SINCE INCEPTION AND IN THE MOST TERRIBLY HORRIBLY OBVIOUS WAY THAT JUST KEPT SLOWLY AND SLOWLY GETTING PEELED AND REVEALED. I love it when the head of one department tells me hes in cahoots with the head of another dpt and a few workers from their and others about the terrible company shit they found and are kinda looking at other jobs. ofc he did say that after i said to his face that i was spending a bit every morning applying to other jobs after learning of the possible fraud VIA OUR """CONSULTING CFO""" having been previously convicted of fraud. twice. over a decade between convictions. were getting drinks later this week for him to tell me everything else hes found and lurked about in the system. and how no one understands what accounting is or does or how i actually spend half or most of my day playing solitaire or watching anime. bc they want me to be a controller but are calling and paying me at the clerk level. so thats what they get. i love the phrase act your wage.

theres still so many other things that have happened this year too that i still havent mentioned. like the moon hole. passive aggressive fighting with my upstairs neighbor who said i was "delusional and fucking hallucinating" bc i said he stomps in the middle of the night. and literally as i typed that there he went above my head at. ah. 10:58 pm. since my second talking to him in march i know ive not been the only one to talk to him about his shaking the goddamn foundations of the building or waking the toddler constantly in the apartment next to his, diagonal from mine. the surprise birthday party my friends threw for me after literally freightening me when i came home with surprise and each giving me different hearfelt and attentive gifts of all my different interests. weekly dinners with my dad on the same days he was court ordered to have my older siblings and i during the week as he lives 10 minutes away taking care of our grandfather. hes the only reason i get updates on my older sisters life as she blocked me on all social media and cut me from her life before our mothers death for our differing political beliefs. infighting truly is the death of leftists as out beliefs were always closer together than to that of our very republican parents. but im also not an american government shoe loving authority cuck like most the rest of em. "you know what its like to be a minority bc you were a literal minority of being white kids going to a majority black school in the city." to my fucking FACE. not only is that incredibly dismissive on so many levels but like with how LEGITIMATELY my siblings took and NOODED THEIR HEADS?????? TO IT. truly fiction is a joke compared to life.

anyways this is the most any of you will ever get from me here on tumblr in months, good luck to any of my followers seeing this who were unaware i am a person and wassup to my mutuals entirely unaware of my life and smooches to my dear dear friends who are all very aware of all of this. everyone else. idgaf, this was for me to vent and proclaim. bc i lay down in my bed with my cat looking very disappointed that im not asleep despite how late it is and i have to go to sleep keeping all of that with me for the rest of my life. oh it may not stay close, it may not be completely there by the end, but i know i will always be aware even more so than before when i was living out of my car, of what i keep in and am willing to leave in and with it. I have somehow kept that cute little cactus my friend gave my for my birthday alive still, i now have a whole wall of plants that ive kept alive for over a year, and i plant to keep that as long as I can. I have presents and gifts and memories that i plan to look fondly on tomorrow and the day after and the day after that and so on. afterall. I need to check on my plants and water them, and feed my cat. everyday a tragedy happens and still i must feed my cat. my mother was dying, and still i had to feed my cat. was she suffering? no, she was not even there anymore to be suffering and still i must go home and feed my cat and sleep and wake up and there is my cat to welcome my mornings after guarding my nights, a clear agreement that she must be fed once pleased with her pettings. my elder sister blocked me and cut me from her life before our mothers death and even during she did not change, strong in her stance and belief not even grief would change or ease her foundations. nor would my grief stop my cat from being fed. every day i wake and sleep with all these things and one day my cat will die. and i will grieve. and it will not be her that gets me through it, but she will never be parted from me again. i will wake up and make the same sleepy motions that indicate her morning ritual that will not be performed. my day will be as different and as same as it was before. i will sleep and i will wake with it all and i will meet someone new and tell them the first time i really got into energy drinks was after getting a whole case for being a smartass at 7am to emergency driving instructors. that i only started drinking coffee bc a boy who liked me worked at starbucks and so gave me a large giftcard and an in to getting my first job at starbucks. you never know why or how somethings started.

[boxofdicks]

the only privilege i ever assume people have inherently is when i talk to other usamerican uni students when i was in undergrad in the states, cause when theyre stressed about assignments im always like why dont you just. take some adderall and pull an all nighter about this. why not just have 4 red bulls and an adderall and some cigarettes and submit the damn assignment. cause are you about to tell me you dont have access to this? seriously? you do. text your freshman year roommate and ask her. just spend your beer money for the week on this. live in the lib for a week. ive had diagnosed and prescribed adhd since i was 11 so i have to take these pills a few times a week to simply do my readings but they are so available to you people. and so i assume everyone has this privilege and if they dont then im like well i simply cannot aid you in your pursuits. not only can i conceive of an academic situation in which red bull and an adderall would not help but i dont know how youve gotten this far without at least the red bull part. i can recommend using the tool mybib for citations. google scholar and jstor and the writing center and emailing your professor asking for an extension bc ive never been turned down for one less than 48 hours. and adderall. when im a professor and i have office hours i will have to remedy this approach.

do you think people rawdog law school? med school? do you think theres a single biology or engineering or mandarin or comp sci or religious studies student who made honors without adderall. one time my buddy in seminary school got his hands on some cocaine and spent 4 days trading futures online before etrade found out he wasnt licensed to do so and he got banned. he made eight thousand dollars off of four hundred. and what did he do next? took a few days off to sleep, then passed his midterms. then he hit a deer with his truck and had to shoot it to put it out of its misery, so he took it to the local farm butcher and got years worth of venison. we make chili out of the sausage he gave my parents to thank us for hosting thanksgiving. the moral of this story? sometimes the grindset can pay off in mysterious ways. the power of stimulants is within you. you have the power to take control of this night and make it an all nighter and succeed. business majors abuse these. they use them without honor. they dont read textbooks or write essays or do math or whatever engineers do. they dont even trade rich peoples portfolios. they may network at best. at best. they party and then preach the grindset and sales. these people have rarely grinded. only when they took econ classes and had to learn stats did they grind. my friends. the grindset is within you. you can make thousands legally but not within the terms of service. you can finish the essay and pass. this isnt about adderall. its about grit. and red bull

[strawberryspeachy]

Im not allowed to be in peace. Ever. Every time i make the decision to enjoy a break I have and not worry about things ANOTHER DISASTER HAPPENS and then i CANT ignore it because I’m in the middle of it

My heart always hurts

My bodys always weak

Im always so fucking stressed

And im TIRED of being a punching bag and i cant fucking do anything about it

Im treated so bad in japan. I hate this stupid racist fucking country. But my money is basically half its worth back home because of the fucking economy. And it WASNT WHEN I CAME HERE

i planned to come. Take a year and a half or so break. vacation and go to concerts. Then go home. But no i got here. Then corona blocked me into the fucking country that had nothing to do

Then my mom died

That my gpa sold the house leaving me with no where to go

And ive been fucking stuck since debating between staying here FIGHTING to do a job I actually like against a bunch of entitled white fuckheads who hate the job and suck at it. While being treated badly and paid nothing

Now the price of japan has risen over the salary that 3 years ago was the salary that I could have lived comfortably.

Lied to and used and thrown out of my last school. Cant get a better job. Thought I found a decent one only to find its WORSE THAN THE FUCKING DISPATCH COMPANIES IVE WORKED WITH. HOW DO I KEEP FINDING WORSE AND WORSE COMPANIES?!?!

My mother got arrested and is being charged with shit that could keep her in jail forever. Shes crazy and annoying but she pisses me off mostly because shes the only family i have that gives a fuck about me

And i cant even just do my job and ignore shit like ive been doing because this new shitty school gave me like no fucking classes but wants me to desk warm ALL THE TIME

Meaning they want me there doing other peoples fucking jobs and being a fucking servant - im here to TEACH not be an office worker. AND THEYRE PAYING ME LESS THAN EVERYONE

I want to die so so so bad i hate being alive ive never wanted to be why cant i just fucking die

[dani-the-toad]

i need money for therapy and its going to be 2 weeks worth this week because i wasnt sent money last week for it and i still didnt have a job and i am not starting my job until next week but i also really need money for this fucking framing and also other convention stuff that is pretty much in a week but i found an easy solution but it still costs money and i need to order it soon bc i need it by early next week and i need those stupid fucking plastic things so i can sell my prints without worry and business cards and so many fucking things but holy shit dude i am so stressed out because i hate asking for money from my dad even though he said hed help and i can just pay him back with con funds and head in hands. scream. what the fuck am i doing. im freaking the fuck out dude.

[a-curious-little-thing]

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night (???) @worth-beyond-a-number-scale !

Genuine question. Not a callout post, or anything negative, I am literally just... genuinely curious and want to ask, but it's been two months of me trying to figure out how I'm even gonna go about this without coming across as rude so I'm just gonna try giving it a go now and hope for the best.

In this post, you said that "95% of all weight loss attempts fail, which is an actual statistic from decades of studies and not an exaggeration." I did some looking, found the site you were quoting from a different post and read it. The site you linked specifically was just one paragraph from a longer article, so I read that too. They all mention the 95% thing.

But then I visit this website (yes, I know it has nutrition in the name, I didn't realize that until just now, I'm sorry if that was a poor move on my part!) which states:

I included the "there are some people who believe that intentional weight loss is not only... [rest of it]" bit because from how you talk about it, when i read that part it really did feel like something similar to what you've said before.

Again, i cannot stress enough just how much I'm not trying to be confrontational, or call you out, or just anything like I'm implying you're wrong. I really don't want to argue. I just want to know why you hold the opinion you do, and to understand it and evaluate my own opinion and see if I need to reflect.

I tried writing a draft to this like two months ago, and I read the New York Times article then, but when I tried reading it just now it said that I need to pay a subscription. By frantically refreshing the page and highlighting as much text as possible and hitting ctrl+c, I was able to copy the entire article into my google docs! (i'm only including this bit because imo this is really the only important part of the article, the rest is just diet stuff related... :/

The whole article does do a lot of framing weight-loss as the goal of everything, which does admittedly drag my point down a bit. (I would've personally preferred a much more neutral telling, imo) But, my point is, Dr. Stunkard has stated he no longer supports his study, though it has become so widespread at this point a lot of people treat it as fact.

You also say that there's been years of research behind the 95% study, but I will be honest. I couldn't find them. It could've been that I just wasn't using the right keywords, or I skimmed them by accident, or my inability to find the right articles when doing research has struck once again, but either way I couldn't find anything besides a handful of articles supporting this study and the rest quoting this NY article.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm confused. I don't want to seem like I'm publicly calling you out or I'm accusing you of lying or anything like that. But I don't know how else to get your attention (asks closed, you said you haven't really been looking at your messages, reblogging your posts would just... get very cluttery after a certain point) and doing this seems like it'll be my best chance. I've also been mulling over this in my head since December and it's starting to bother me. Even if you could just link me more articles that support your opinion and have verifiable research behind them besides Dr. Stunkard's study (what i mean is, any other study about this that wasnt done by him) that would be great, and if I'm still confused then I'll ask more questions. Politely. If you're alright with that.

I don't know how to end this post. I hope your day has been well? I hope I didn't say anything rude or offensive, if I did please correct me. Have a good day/night.

[cardtorius]

Ok good news and bad news is i basically HAD to quit. So for one thing i was right about yesterday he literally said he sent me home cuz i was sick on monday and he wasnt going to pay me to be in the bathroom all day, which is fair, but i had to argue with him about "how long" it was, motherfucker wanted to say 25 minutes when it was literally 15, 11:32 to 11:47, and i shit like once a day usually so i think thats fair and i explained how i drink alot of water and may pee frequently but its 1-2 mins and not only that but the fact that it was one time doesn't justify sending me home ntm kind of a stupid convo to be having when they knew you were sick the day b4. Then he also wanted to reem me out about my work how yesterday took me an hour to get a lead, how im not doing what hes saying when i am or im trying anyway, i said look "i can't deal with someone thats gonna pick and choose what they feel is worth acknowledging of what i do" and ya know "maybe you should have made sure my numbers were where they needed to be b4 having me work the warehouse" i still can't believe this asshole was gonna chew me out like that and send me back on the phones thinking thatd make a difference like no wonder my numbers are low dude gives bad advisory and expects the world. He told me a week ago to "kick the beta male nice guy routine" on the phones which i did and i think in one day of changing that it didnt work right away, what i didnt tell him is i had 8 leads by the time i left but somehow that probably wouldn't have mattered. I also like the fact he compares me to two middle aged ladies, that also work in the office, that have 2 pretty extinuating factors on me 1 they both have been there longer, 2 gov. Receptionists tend to trust a female on the phone asking for a model number than a man, the sheer amount of stress culminating from doing the job itself and dealing with this manager was insane, he knew i had outside shit going on too and used it against me at one point like "you gotta deal with your outside shit". Anyway apologies for the rant, don't trust any telemarketer companies, big or small. Fuck i promise ill stop using tumblr as a diary starting now. Lol i swear.

I have a feeling im getting fired today.

[iamtrappedinsideasnowglobe]

Realizing that even with 3 full time jobs and a college degree between 2 people we still barely make enough to break a little bit more than even is like. It's like... it's like

[bookshelfdreams]

oh god, will i ever learn that people who provide services aren’t hostile to me specifically

[narsicen]

College au!—stray kids edition! (part 2)

A/N note: not much to say here but maknae line!!! enjoy the read! don’t forget to like and reblog if you enjoyed this work! and requesting au’s like this is open for all! 

check out the first part in my college au m.list!

Pairing: Skz (maknae line) x GN! y/n

word count: around.. 2-4 k per headcanon i believe sorry its long 🥲

genre: FLUFF

warning: slight mentions of alcohol (about two or three head canons mentions it but it’s not too much!), and mentions food

Han Jisung

omg

hi i luv u

ahem anyway

so i get the feeling hes probs that guy you know what hes prolly doing like hes predictable but you literally can not find him ever

like hes so predicatably unpredictable

SO yall met first when you were buying some soju and like idk beer or something (kids do not do this) for a party you’re hosting in your department and before checking out you see him just feet propped on the side of the cash register, him leaned back on his chair throwing a plastic toy ball thats supposed to be a stress reliever that you found out the store was also selling, it was a small store, not too much customers go there so he gets to laze around most of the time AND get paid!

anyway

so you saw him right, and he was just so in his world that he didnt notice you waiting at the counter, till you cleared your throat while putting the basket on the table

he nearly died, he said

he kinda lost balance while trying to lift his feet of the counter to scan ur things, like he fell backwards due to his haste but fortunately he hit a sturdy stand behind him, and slightly bonked his head, it wasnt too bad, you tipped over the counter to see if he was okay but before you could catch him defeated on the floor, he sprung up and with a pained smile he started spanning your things and giving you your reciept and all that

but while he was typing the amounts you noticed how he rubs the back of his head every now and then and you can’t help but feel bad

you went into a tiny thinking state as he scanned your items like you went: .>. hmmm…

and you had a tiny light bulb just flicker open in your head and you went to the back of the store, jisung was caught by surprise and he tried to ask where you were going but you just flew all the way to the back (LMAOOOO)

But he just stood there looking at the bottles and cans you wanted to buy ad he nearly choked, like the hell you prolly bought all their supply

And so he was kinda concerned and wanted to ask you about it when you get back, he wasn’t much of a drinker sometimes but he loves to party, when he has the adrenaline, i feel like yeah he would chug a months worth of alcohol or sum

But he generally doesn’t like it, idk he’s just kinda weird okay

You came back with a frozen ice cream it was those power cap ice creams, the ones in the bottles and you rip off the cap to eat it, yeah those, it was frozen SOLID and you added it in your pile of goodies, and he cluelessly scanned it and updated your receipt, you then payed him and then offered him the ice cream treat with a sweet smile (omg ily)

And he was about to ask about the heap of alcohol you were buying and you two kind of clashed two ideas together it went like

Jisung: hey uhm- oh-

You: here this is for you- oh what were you saying..?

Jisung: haha- i - uh nothing, you should have your ice cream back you paid for it,,,,

You: oh no i bought this for you! You hit your head pretty hard so it can act as an ice pack for now then eat it when its slightly melted!

Jisung: ///// oh okay.. thanks //////

HE WAS FLUSTERED HEKJFHKJHD

Like idk he took one look at you before and was like “okay”

But then now after his head injury subsided he looked at you and was like “oh my gosh” and just thought you looked so pretty/handsome/beautiful

And you had an awkward moment where he was just staring at you while you tried to offer the ice cream to him and yeah but he snapped out of it and took the ice cream, sheepishly smiled at you and bid you goodbye as you brought your stuff out and after you realized u were gonna be late

He started sulking for a few days because he thought you guys wouldn’t meet again, and gah dang that’s true

LMAO you guys didn’t meet till like idk a few months later, it was nearing the end of the college semester, turns out you study right at his university!!

He took up literature, don’t ask why, he just LOVES writing about whatever goes in his head, he doesn’t think he’s that good at anything and that sucks bc he’s like everything but yk

So yeah and he just wants a little of everything, he took up literature also because weirdly enough, he likes to read, like his personality is so off and u wouldn’t think he likes reading but he enjoys reading books sometimes like with fantasy and Greek mythology and all that shiz

And that’s incredible,, so yeah he helps writing lyrics for Chan!!! His senior!!! And his first best friend!!! (Fun fact jisung was Chan’s first “stray kid” btw *cries*) so yeah a team! And he learned rapping from his best bud changbin, he actually met changbin because he bumped into a rlly buff dude in Chan’s studio and yeah they met, he looks up to them so even if he bullies them but jisung says and i quote “i bully you guys lovingly!”

YEAh

Actually bestie jisung met you again when y’all were abt to graduate like it was a month or two till he graduates and you about to start your degree!!! You took up law and that’s so cool because he saw you in a heap of books in the library and he was there being all cool or with saying “he’s gonna study like a mad pro” since he had like 10 books in hand and then he saw you and he was like “wow that’s a shiz ton of books, lemme go there” and he went there,

You were so messed up behind those walls of books like you were crying, eating, reading, writing, ironing, fencing, driving behind those books

A legend

And he sat beside you then caught glimpse of you and was like “wait a DANG MiNUTE-“ and aggressively bore holes into the side of ur head and you just had to weirdly look at him, then he went (IN HIS HEADD NOT TO YOU OUT OF PANIC HKDFKJHDF)

“/////oh uhm//////sorry- i just,,,/////“

He never forgot ur smile and how pretty/handsome/beautiful you looked that day

And he just has that icky feeling he calls “butter insects” I don’t need to explain that, anyway so yeah he was so close to shouting like “ITS YOU” but you swiftly covered his mouth and he had a mufffled out like scream of some sort and you could have sword you were praying the librarian doesn’t march over there and kick u out

You had your 3rd warning awhile ago and one last warning you’re going to be reading books on the street, but anyway so yeah that happened and you recognized him like an hour later when y’all brushed it off and studied then you turned to him and went “YO-“ but slapped your own hand on your mouth bc yeah

And he got freaked out a little but giggled silently, and it was clear you weren’t in ur head then so he brushed it off

And so he was going to leave because he has another part time job in a few hours and so he asked to borrow your pen and you were hesitant bc that pen was your savior this whole year and he nodded happily at you like he wasn’t even threaten and shiz and you eventually gave it to him, he wrote sum and slipped it towards you before quickly getting his things and leaving

You read the note and then nearly cried

He took your pen

In exchange for an ice cream “hang out”

You were gonna cry bc his note was so nice but you also wanted to cry bc bro he took your pen

It wrote btw: “hey so we can’t talk freely here and that’s sad :( so,,,, how about an ice cream hang out later? Around 11 pm? Unless you’re passed out of course, just come to the front of my department building! I’ll take your pen so you have to come, see you there ! :D’

And he didn’t place what his department is or what he’s even taking up, and you panicked abt it later on, like you nearly punched a window

So you were in your room, it was 8 pm and you just had your dinner, was fine till you were preparing early for your “hang out” and you checked where the venue is and your eyes popped out, it wasn’t stated and you were about to cry again

Well not really cry more like scream, then your bestie room mate was like “can you shut up omg” and you were explaining to them your crisis and they went ._.”oh he’s actually from the lit. Department” and you went: “w-“ like you didn’t expect that and they went “yeah i know shocking..” and y’all just sat there for a moment of revelation HJEAHFIDFHI BYE NO BUT THEN YOUR ROOMMATE THEN STARTED TEASING YOU FOR THE NOTE AND TOLD YOU TO GO GET YOUR PEN THATS RIGHT NOT “GO GET YOUR MANS” ITS “GO GET YOUR PEN”

We Stan btw

Then yeah you were there at his department and it was like 11:40 and you thought of just walking to the bookstore and get you another pen and go home and just stop hoping for him to show up, then someone approached you looking like a dead person, Chan came your way lol, he was tired and Jisung spam called him to tell you he was late bc he fell asleep and you nearly kicked Chan in the face bc he looked like a ghost with a black hoodie on and it was dark so it looked like some floating head or something idk

And after a while of telling you to calm the hell down he told you jisung fell asleep and that he was rushing here right now and you nodded and apologized to Chan for your misunderstanding awhile ago, and then when Chan brushed it off and left for his dorm Jisung was speed running to you and collapsed on the floor, like he was out of breath and just dead from running like a few blocks to his building, he lives in the dorm farthest from his building since he signed up late for getting dorm rooms bc his parents kicked him out and told him they refused to have a giant baby in their home

So yeah, but he stood back up after a while and smiled at you with the biggest smile he could give you right now, and you two couldn’t help but laugh at literally everything you guys went through, and during the ice cream hang out you guys started warming up to each other and it was great, you guys were rlly close and he bluffed how he didn’t have your pen

But as he was dropping you off at your dorm he shoved the pen into your hoodie pocket and then said a quick goodbye and ran for his dorm

And you being clueless as hell, tried to tell him to be safe and goodbye he left already so you were left there with the pen in your pocket

There was another note and it said “hey! Wanna go out on another ice cream date?” And you just smiled so hard that night you didn’t regret giving him your pen back in the library.

Dhjkhkjd did you see what jisung did there?????? He said awhile ago “ice cream hangout” but now he said date and then he said again so he kinda considered this a date </3

As the law student u are, you caught up onto that but you didn’t wanna overthink so you just face planted into ur bed, screamed then flail your limbs all around

You just had so much fun and it was so nice to be with him, like you were glad you chose To go to the date than slave away reading a bunch of manuscripts and stuff

Soon y’all started DAtINgGGgGg and he asked you out with the same ice cream you bought him but he kinda dramatically proposed with the cap of the ice cream since it had a loop, and that was a moment you’ll never forget

And I don’t think you’ll ever forget any moment with him

He would always sneak into your dorm room at night so you keep your window unlocked at times, and he comes with snacks and an extra big jacket on for cuddles and to give you the love you need for the day </3

He eventually realized he wanted to be with you instead of just slaving about in a part time job he decided to accept his professors’ invitation to get into graduate school or to get a degree or something, so he ended up studying in the same univ as you again for a few more years. Believe it or not he’s actually a star student in his department, he loves writing and his ideas just overflow him sometimes and he puts it on paper so it ends up being cool and admirable

And whenever you lose words in your essay reports, he gotchu, he tells u all these other words you can use and you just admire him like you two studying on the dining table and he just looks at you like “what?”and you’re like “omg you’re so——- amazing..,,,,,,,,,” HKJJFHADFH

You guys eventually bought a house together to live in together!!!!!!!! While studying together you rlly found it an inconvenience when you’re far away and you’re both so tired sometimes you just want each other to be there to hug and cuddle and shiz

He always just drags you away from your work bc you’re going to short circuit and blow up, and you being mad is the last thing he wants to see before dying

And you appreciate that sm bc bro no one likes the feeling of being burnt out, and sometimes you’re so stubborn he would pull your chair out and just pick you up

Then bring you to the couch and just lie on top of you to trap you from getting up hkjahdfkjahdfkj and he’s a big sucker for when you give him little pecks when you’re both cuddling </3 like he loves that smmm and then he returns the favor by giving you a kiss on the nose

UGGH]\

You guys always have ice cream dates for your anniversary

THAJJKDKJDFADAHF

Like. It’s your guy’s trADEMARk

BuT YESSSSS nothing but a loving couple that does done the dumbest shiz together!

And soon enough you both thought to yourselves that you wouldn’t want anything more than each other, a nice home and some ice cream. </3

Y’all get a room before i bust my eyes

So like you both love eating, but you guys dont have like a chef or something and neither of you have a shiz ton of money to just buy a buffet so ..

WE COOK

And wanna know what y’all cook

Burnt food

Well actually there’s days it turns out GREAT and thErEs only a PARTiAL burnt part

BUT THE PROCESS OF YOU GUYS COOKING IS WHAT STAYS IN YOUR HEARTS </3

So some days if Jisung is a little tired, he usually just helps you out and gives you suggestions, sometimes even calling chan to help since his s/o likes cooking (yes this is in the same universe guys shocking) AND YEAH BUt sometimes chan gives poor descriptions on the tips and you guys accidentally add too much baking powder and just messing up your pancakes 💔

But it’s always fun and games while you two cook ! Like you guys LOVE to just tease each other during those times, hug each other randomly, throw a bunch of ingredients at each other or even just bantering (in a playful manner) how to cook eggs at the right temp.

AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS TO YOU GUYS JUST FUN AND BEING ABLE TO HANG OUT WITH EACH OTHER </3

Like the time you two messed up the pancakes you guys just made a disgusted face after the second bite then looked at each other and laughed together about all the mess you made and then your food wasn’t even good

JUST GOOD VIBES HERE

And when you’re tired, he lets you hug him and just rest your head on his shoulder/back while he tries to cook

Keyword: tries

He would end up messing up a side of the dish and then just gives you the good part so you don’t have to think he messed up a part when he was being all cocky in the making of the meal

‘I can TOTALLY do it like I’m a master chef don’t worry’

‘Are you sure I can help you..-‘

‘No I got this.. I’m sure of it

‘Okay… if you say so’

Then after at the dinner table you see that there’s some parts of his that literally is burnt and he pushes it aside and he’s have less to eat and you looked at him after u caught him pushing his food to the sides to avoid them

‘.. just say it’

‘I told you so’

WHAJIWOWN but then in the end you gave him some of yours and you two just laughed at the situation, but deep down you love that he still puts all the effort he can to give you something good and that’s enough for you to just love him more.

“So,,,,, ice cream date?”

“Ice cream date”

Lee Felix

BEST BOY EVERYONE SAY IT WIT ME NOW, FELIX BEST BOY

He took up an architecture course and he’s starting his first year (wooo!!! You’re doing great sweetie) and you as a pre-med student who is also about to start your course, you both end up bumping into each other, he actually like fell on you or something like he was riding his bike to school but weirdly enough someone decide to get in the way and he had to swerve and he kinda lost balance and boom you were also there and he fell onto you.

So he wasn’t hurt so much, but you were tho, you had a few scratches and a wound on your elbow, your knee was slightly scraped but luckily it didn’t bleed, you were in iMMEnSE pAin, there was literally a wound on your elbow, prolly had some tiny rocks= in it or something and the pavement was BURnIng HOT

And when he stood up he helped you up ofc and he did his best to apologize to you a bunch of times while listening to his apologies and explanation you just dusted yourself off and smiled at him before reassuring him it was fine, he offered to walk you to the clinic or something and he wouldn’t budge when you tried to say no

So he walked you to the clinic

KjfkahdsfjhakhHKDJHFKJSDFKJDSAJKHSDH DHFJKSEFSDVDSJKSDHLZJH it was so awkWARD JUST THINKING ABT IT MAKES ME CRUMBLE

He regrets his choice of walking you as he does not know what to say to you or do

And he only realized he doesn’t know where the clinic is and you two had to go around the campus twice

Let’s just say you were glad it was still early and eventually you reached the clinic (WOOOOO GO Y/N AND FELIX) and the nurse looked at you and was like “dang with happened to you its so early the hell” and while the nurse was getting the ointment and shiz and the nurse told you guys to sit down after Felix explained what happened

Your brain replayed everything that happened in the span of like idk an hour and you just glanced at the boy next to you and you can’t help but giggle softly and he looks at you with a confused face, and you thanked him for at least trying his best to get you here and all yk even if he broke your skin

And he was like waving his hands in a X formation while saying its fine and that its the best he could do to make it up to you and you thought he was rlly cute <3 aside from his voice which was extremely low for his face, you found that intriguing about him and the freckles on his face was definitely one of the highlights of your day

And as soon as the nurse came back you two weren’t as tense and awkward anymore, maybe you two just wanted to get that off your chests and yeaHHHH after the nurse got you working and patched up you offered to walk him to his lecture hall but you didn’t know where it was and you only realized that when he asked if you knew where it was

And you just went ._. ,,,,,, and just stared at the schedule he showed you JDKFJKDJFHKADJFH PLS YOU TWO ARE SO DORKY IM GONNA CRY </3 and so he started chuckling at your expression which clearly showed you weren’t an architecture student obv and he didn’t mind going around the campus later to find his lecture halls, you joined him in laughing as well and soon enough you two sorta realized like “hey they aren’t so bad after all” and Felix went “well.. since we are both new,,,,,, what department are you in,,,,,,,,,?” Kids i want you to know that it must’ve prolly been like asking for their numbers but it rlly isn’t like that, you two are just a lil shy and hesitant that’s why.

And you went “,,,,,,,I’m just some pre-med student,,,,,nothing special,,,,,” and he went >:O WYM MAN THATS COOL kinda vibe like he always admired people that voluntarily chose to help others, he always wanted to do that, that’s why he’s being an architect he wants to build houses and shiz for the better of everyone and everything if possible.

So yEAh anywaY and you just said that being a doctor was always your dream as a kid so that’s why you’re here right now and he went ‘ :o … omg rlly? That’s so COOL! My dream as a kid was to be a vet actually,,,,,,” like he just started talking about his childhood dream and you just </3 softened like this guy with the deepest voice that broke the ground has such a sweet personality and has the most BEAUTIFUL SOUL

And you forever wanted to protect him, annnnnnnddddd that day you guys realized you were gonna be late just chatting so you guys kinda just said “cya later!” And was excited to see each other tomorrow or at lunch but realized u guys dont even know your names ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, or your phone numbers,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Stupid fudging dinosaurs

But i still love you two okay

Anyway

So YEAH that happened and you guys were rlly bummed out by the thought of it and the realization that you guys might never meet again with all your mixed up schedules and all, its like a 0.3% chance you’ll bump into each other again, like its impossible

Lol you guys were that 0.3% tho

So you guys met again at a party in one of the architecture students’ dorms, someone rumored their dorms are so big and spacious it might as well consider as a house that’s why they throw the most parties out of all the students in the univ. and when you entered the place omg it was blinding like you coulda sworn someone swung their bootie in your face like they were so into the party you wanted to leave already JKDBJKSDJKDSJK LMADOADO

But turNS oUT the student WHo tHREW tHE pArTy was FELix’s RooMaTE, and of ALL THE ODDS, you’ve been to countless parties but the first party thrown by an architecture student happened to be felix’s roomie, now if that ain’t the 0.3% in the gigantic campus in Harvard or sum shiz with university you guys are in.

And sooooo you were actually just holding a red cup and just going from a bunch of games to dancing a bit to just standing in the corner

You didn’t like to drink and you think you’ve had enough from losing a few rounds in beer pong but you won majority of the games there so you didn’t have to drink as much

And eventually you just stood in the corner-ish near the food and drinks table, you actually didn’t like to party as much, your friends do tho and they always convince you to go so here you are, and somehow the blonde dude beside you was asking if he could reach over to get some drinks since you were kinda blocking the way, and you apologized till you recognized the voice, he had longer hair so it kinda covered his face, but when he stood up straight after getting the drinks you guys like- had eye contact and you realized the Felix before with brown hair suddenly had blonde and it was longer now and his voice somehow got a little deeper

What a glow up

And you two jut stood there in shock while some one was like screaming their heads off in the background, and Felix’s friend wobbled over and slung a arm around his shoulder and slurred his question on why Felix was taking so long, so that broke off your eye contact and all, Felix like diverted his friend to turn to thee other side and told him that he got the drinks anyway for his group, you averted your eyes but you could have sworn you caught a glimpse of Felix glancing back at you

DCJDKJDKJBVKJBVBDB AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG????? DNFSDJFKJHSDFKJ okay ill stop

So Felix eventually caught your attention when he was glancing at you from over his shoulder and then he quickly pointed to the front door at the exact moment his friend nearly tipped forward, Felix hooked his hand over his friend as he did so, smooth move there

And you nodded your head subtly before making your way to your friend to tell them that you just needed some fresh air and handed them your cup, they ended up chugging what was left in your cup, you couldn’t careless anyway. SO you went out the front door right, avoiding all the people and then you just waited outside in the hallway for about 30 mins and then he popped out with a little grin

SAJHFKJAHKJAHJKFHA

You somehow subconsciously smiled back in a cheery way, and you two were back to being slightly awkward </3 so he tried to initiate the conversation

“,,,,,so,, are you still a med student,,?” It was like after a year or so..? Since your last meeting so you just nodded your head and told him updates about your life, then you guys just went silent for a while then after that you both said “,,, hey look I’m sorry we haven’t been in contact-,,” and then you stopped midway and laughed together

Omg you guys- *punching the air*

The silence wasn’t so awkward and you were just glad to meet your “friend” again

“,,, actually i don’t think wwe know each other’s names yes,,,, haha,,” Felix was like rubbing his arm a bit like he was still the same boy who asked you about your department all shy and shiz

YALL DID NOT CHANGE THATS SO CUTE STOp???

And you went “,,,ooohh,,, yeah,,, my bad,,, Y/N, my name is L/N Y/N, what’s yours?” You got enough courage to start it from there and he looked at your outstretched hand that initiated that you wanted to shake his hand, and he had the goofiest grin every like </3??? And then he gladly took your hand and just went

“I’m Felix, Lee Felix” and YOU HAD THE BIGGEST BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR STOMACH?? HEJFHDHFKJSDHFJHDFJKH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG STOP THIS IS A WHOLE NOVEL CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE YALL. ANd uHM yEAH so THAT hAPPENED and you eventually exchanged numbers and he walked you to your dorm </3 and when you had to go inside to your dormitory you both got sad a bit like </3 just got reunited and finally know more about my friend and now we have to leave each other again </3

But yk you decided something and took your phone out and typed a bunch of things on the spot, and Felix just watched you curiously from a safe distance tho, he didn’t wanna be nosy, then you turned your phone off and sent him a sweet smile his way then bid him goodbye the moment you heard the small *ding* in his pocket and went inside

And he hastily said bye as well since you rushed it a bit then smiled at your departing back and then checked his phone

“Y/N 😵‍💫: Lets get to know each other better? I’m free tomorrow, if you dont have any lectures,,, wanna go eat at the new cafe downtown? I heard they have pretty good hangover food there, if you have a hangover tomorrow,,, i can take you there, my department building is here (department building number and shiz)” AND HE GOT THE BIGGEST FLIPPING BUTTERFLIES IN HIS STOMACH NOW AND HE COULDNT CONTAIN HIS SMILE HE WAS SO READY TO JOG BACK TO HIS DORM AND CHUG A WHOLE BARREL OR SUM SO HE GETS A HANGOVER

But he wasn’t too extreme Dw guys, he did get a hang over tho, it was pretty bad for his alcohol tolerance, it was pretty bad, and so y’all went on a date ☺️ to that cute cafe downtown and it was one of the best investments Felix ever made like the food there??? HEAVENLY??? It was even better bc YOU WERE THERE??? He was literally on cloud 9

When you guys ended up dating in your sophomore years, it was so- FLUFFY??? Like he would pick you up at your department building and if you’re late, he’ll pick u up at the library bc that’s where you always go after a few lectures and shiz and he would give you the warmest hug ?????? Ever??????? And you just melt in his arms after a rough day?????/and you just love him?????????

And he came clean during your relationship that he used to regret asking you to let him walk you to the clinic but bRo nOW hES LIKE SO THANKFUL AND he wasn’t even subtle abt it, and you can’t help but giggle at him and he just went >/////< i told you my secrets why are you laughing at me,,,, and you just gave him a sweet peck on the lips and he would just fall in love with you like he would literally, he does this dramatic cartoon move where when he’s flustered then you give him a small peck on the lips he just acts like he’s falling backwards from how lovestruck he is and that’s just a thing between you two </3

ESKIMO KISSES WHILE YOU GUYS ARE CUDDLING, i can never express my love for Eskimo kisses, its just so cute stop???? But yeAh when you’re at his dorm and his roommate is off partying you guys cuddle on the couch ad you guys just give each other Eskimo kisses from time to time then idk just fall asleep in each other’s arms till dinner time then go cook something together </3

He doesn’t rlly know how to cook he just knows how to bake (that’s kinda his specialty) so he had to call up Minho, who he met whole the first time he went to the cafeteria and he couldn’t get anything for lunch since his pocket money was too small </3 and Minho saw him and literally adopted him (in his heart haha… </3 ) but on the outside he just went up to Felix and handed him a browning and a ham and cheese sandwich and then told Felix to eat well before walking away </3

and he always gives Minho an extra brownie for like being his first best friend in college or something </333333???

(Though he gives you the most brownies tho labor JHSdkjhskhH)

and Minho tried to send you guys a recipe list and it ends up with Felix watching the pan closely and you had to pull him away so he doesnt burn his eyes, but when you guys step away fro a split second thO- your food was bURninG.

And Felix just looked at the burnt food on the counter with a :O…. Kinda shocked expression and you go like ‘at least we tried..?’ And with a little laugh to it and he ends up looking at you with his :O face and then starts laughing when you started to giggle at his face expression </3 then you decided to bake instead while waiting for your take out to eat and then build lego houses together or something after

And he mentioned about planning to build your guys’ homE oUT OF lEGO ???? <<///////333333

I’m just saying if you dont marry him i will marry him /j

“So… wanna get take out instead?”

“And then build lego houses after we bake some brownies?”

“…”

“?”

“You know me so well”

Kim Seungmin

I want y’all to FUDGING KNOW THiS SEUNGmiN EXisTs! (Aka the love of your life) (my life too </3)

So …

Childhood best friends to lovers?

Yes. Yes just yes.

SO LIKE you bOTH did not want to go to separate colleges and your standards tho are so different from each other so if you were to pick, you’d probably be like all the way across the whole city and if he were to pick he’d prolly be nearer to home or abroad, even with your different coursES.

He’s in law and you’re in mAnAgmENT engineering

And management engineering actually has a portion where you had to study business lAW

And when you first heard that you went >:O ! >:D JOKES ON YOU I HAVE A BEST FRIEND IN LAW

But you ended up crying in the library and he was waiting for you to finish. Like it was so awkward but like- that shiz is hard you had to memorize a bunch of cap and then you had to go through the prOCESs of it and stuff omg you could have sworn a part of your brain shriveled up and went into a coma.

Ties your hair up for you (if you have long hair)

WILL COMB UR HAIR OR LIKE BRUSH IT TO TUCK IT BEHIND YOUR EAR LIKE THE BANGS IF YOU HAVE SHORT HAIR

Will make you have apple hair if you have short hair tho

HDKJKJDBVKJ

I think he would lOVE to style your hair randomly kjvjdbfujefbuohebu like when you guys just trying to study in his or your dorm and he just stands up and goes to make some weird looking pigtails on u

Also keyword : trying, you would goof off and bug him from his studies and he’d have to tell u off to make you study

Literally an adult trying to contain a child HJDHIKJHDEIJFH

Stop you guys actually take SO LONG to date oh my gosh

Its cuz he’s like the perfect guy on campus that everyone actually is jealous of, like as a law student he is not SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THAT, LIKE HES TOO PRETTY IM TELLING YALL.

Some dark sorcery i tell you, and like you being you never really came clean about your feelings to yourself

Like you just can’t imagine yourself with him till you started trespassing that part in your mind, like you were ‘curious’ and you just couldn’t stop yourself, and this is where we are rn, you weren’t even close to hiding that fact LIKE HE HAD TO DRAG IT OUT OF YOU AND YOU WERE SHAMELESSLY TRYING TO KEEP THE ACT UP

It went like

“You like someone don’t you?”

“,,,,,uhm duh like everyone does, you wouldn’t know that since you hate everyone ,,,,,,, or something,,,”

“ is it me?”

“,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, WHat lmaO noooooooo,,”

Yeah basically HKJFHJKHSD

Worse days of your life tho bc you never admitted it that time and he kept coming out of no where to hit u with the “do you like me? You like me don’t you?” Or something like that and you just can’t admit it so easily like that LIKE DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THAT”D BE???

Not only that, he has feelings for his ex, yeah i know lmao cry a river y/n JKJJKJJK IM SO SORRY DONT DO THAT

You knew that tho and that really hindered you every time you wanted to call him and just admit it, you’re scared he’d just date you to get over his feelings for his ex or just idk out of pity or he just didn’t want to reject you, OR just getting hurt trying to convince yourself that he loves you back.

And you preferred not to hurt yourself more whenever he gives those glances to his ex that passes by or something or the way he kinda looks like he longed to be with them more than he would with you. That’s so hard to deal with esp when he’s supposed to be with you and wish more of you not them

LIKE YOURE JUST NOT READY FOR THAt and he’s also not the type to like reassure you verbally and stuff yk i feel like he’s the type to display those with the stares or the glances he’d give you

Or the smiles he shows you and stuff, and LBR he prolly smiles the most at you than smiling at the memories he had with his ex, and thATs gOt To KEEP THE BUTTERFLIES IN YOUR sTOmach IF YOU KNEW

Omg no the moment you knew that he went out of his shell to choose you and not his ex when he took the courage to let you deal with your feelings for a while on your own and he gave you some space to think, like he didnt make it awkward to hinder you and your friendship then after awhile he took the time and the effort to confess to you first lIKE HE BEEN THiNKING ABOUT YOU TOO </3 and his feelings for you YKKKkKKKK its like i said before i feel like Seungmin wOULD rarely confess and say his mind like that, like he’d keep it in until he’s really sure about it or he wants others to know about it

And for him to just conFeSs TO YoU like tHAt likE- hMM-

HFHKJFHKAJDHSFKJAH IDK I FIND THAT RLLY CUTE AND WARM HSDJHSV

Omg no bc when you guys became official you guys couldn’t get over the awkward giggly stage KJDHFKJSHDKJHSDHH AAAAAAA like the night he confessed and when you guys just sat on the couch of his dorm and stayed quiet for a moment then when you two accidentally made eye contact you two couldn’t cONtAIN tHE gIGGLES

Ugh I can’t keep on hurting myself like this wth

AnYWAY

I actually think he would randomly call you at night and just rant about his professors that dumped a load of unnecessary work on him since he’s probably part of the student council too

And you’d literally just leave him on speaker while you try to cope with waking up at 4 in the morning to him ranting

You usually just keep quiet so he lets it all out then when he’s done you would move topics like

‘… so wanna get coffee?’

‘I WOULD LOVE THAT’

Like he’s not screaming he’s just speaking in bold, and so yeah 4 am coffee runs :))) and him just semi doing his student council work while waiting for his drink

And after that you’d eventually drag him to your dorm to make him sleep on the couch or something because he hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in like weeks, </3 he’d definitely want to cuddle you but is too shy to admit it so he’d kinda knock on your bedroom door and just blink twice at you when you open it

You get the signal and go cuddle him anyway <3

On days like when he’s on a break or something like summer break and stuff, your schedules don’t usually align so either one of you went on a leave or is on a break and the other is still slaving away at school

So when he was on his break, he became a house husband like idk yk instead of house wife, it’s house husband, you’re not married but like every time you come home, your home is like spARKLY CLEAN, there’s fOOD ON THE TABLE AND YOUR BED IS MADE.

There’s days you’d see him in a pink apron, something like your mom would wear and you can’t help but laugh

💀 I’m so sorry

Anyway, he may not look like it, but I feel like he makes good food, like it’s tASTY and you can’t believe this guy actually cooks, like look at him, he looks like the type to MAKE someone cook for him like he’s moving a finger for NOBODY

lol you’re nobody tho<3

There’s day’s he’d be with his family at home and you’d guys have to face time EVERYDAY it’s mandatory, well unless it’s rlly important that they have to skip it,

When you guys call at least once a day, it gets awkward since you basically told each other everything and anything and that makes you two break into giggles and <3 he’d give you that smile similar to the gif up there, <3

I feel like he has a dog

Like I feel like he has a family dog you never knew about

Until he passed by it when you guys were face timing and he went to pat the doggo

And you went

“>:O WAIT THATS A DOG”

“.. yeah.. what’s wrong?”

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU HAD A DOG!”

And you’d ask him to focus on the dog

It’s a golden retriever 💔 and you would gosh all over it, I feel like it’s like a puppy still, like not too old not too young, and you’d call it seungmo jr. sometimes

💔 do not touch me

NAH BC THE TIME HE WAS FACE TIMING YOU AND HIS MOTHER WAS BESIDE HIM IN THE KITCHEN, AND SHE PEEKED AT THE SIDE AND SAW UR FACE AND WENT ‘is that your s/o? WAIT Y/N?’

And he went: .. oh .. uhm.. yeah-

“O M G”

“Mom-“

And you were shocked bc his mom snatched the phone from him and started talking to u like there’s no tomorrow, I feel like seungmo’s mom is like the polar opposite of him sometimes

She invited you to come over and seungmin replied that you were probably super busy and all but you butt in saying you could come anytime, and seungmin was looking at you, mouth slightly agape and his mom just cheered a little

And when he got to his room, he asked why you said that and it was specifically like nearly the week of your exams soon and all, and you brushed it off saying you could handle it (you couldn’t handle it) and that you were fine on your own (you weren’t)

He only agreed with you since he trusted your judgement and you just sorta teared up inside, like knowing you’d cram the whole next week

Basically when you were at the family dinner or something you realized that the amount of baby pictures seungmin’s parents had of their kids were so much that even seungmin didn’t know of, and you were HONORED to see them

After a whole night of a pinch of embarrassment for him and a spoonful of blackmail for you, he decided to walk you back to the campus which wasn’t too far

You guys hooked arms while walking together in a comfortable silence and he apologized for his family’s behavior

And you brushed it off saying it was fine and that you had fun especially with all the stuff you learned about him through his family.

💔 just a buttload of teasing from you which made him flustered, in the end when he dropped you off, he gave you a small kiss on the cheek and then pushed you inside, and he just ran away back home, he’s a shy shy boy with PDA okay </3

When you guys go back to school together after his break, he’d probably hand you some flowers and be rubbing the back of his neck and softly say his excuse that his mom told him to give you some nice flowers (his mom didn’t say that)

</33 YOoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Nah bc he’s like the center of like half the campus, he’s the star student in the law department and he’s an important person in the student council, so when he was seen giving you the flowers WOOOOOOO like some people started questioning you if you were really dating him, THE KIM SEUNGMIN. And you were like “????? I thought y’all knew that” LMAOOOOOOO

But yeah and when word started to go around, it reached him, and he thought you’d be uncomfortable with people knowing it and now you’re under the label of being his partner so he went STRAIGHT TO U after classes and his extra meetings and he had a talk with you about it and you felt a lil’ warm inside because it kinda meant that he thought about your feelings first and shiz and wanted to do his best to make YOU comfortable in this relationship

Where is a Kim Seungmin is he on amazon? Ill buy him, take my money

So like yeah honestly i feel like even after like 5 years or something you guys will never get over the slight awkward feeling (like its not bad its just you two are a little too shy and that makes you two giggle a lot) and the little butterflies you two get every now and then <3

<3 you BETTER LOVE HIM RIGHT

“,,,,,,, The dog’s name is actually mong”

“STOP YOUR NICKNAME IS SEUNGMO ITS LIKE MEANT TO BE, HI SEUNGMO MONG JR. *waving enthusiastically at the camera*”

“,,,,,,,,,,, *sighs but still smiles and tolerates you*”

Yang Jeongin

So… you guys are literally the “boy/girl next door” trope together

Like I’m not kidding you’re neighbors

You guys never had a dorm, you both were forced to live in the same house you two grew up in even if it was like 40 or even an hour drive to the university

You guys met WAYYYYYYY LONG BEFORE like you guys used to be fetuses and your parents were best friends and eventually just made you two play date buddies, and you grew up together like literally, every event his family celebrated, your family was there and every event your family celebrated, his family was there, AND YOU GUYS WENT TO THE SAME MIDDLE AND SECONDARY SCHOOLS AND NOW YOURE BOTHH STUDYING IN THE SAME COLLEGE

Heres the twist tho, you guys are in the same course

In the SAME CLASS well majority of them are the same, its not like you two hated each other tho, its just you two are so sick of each other already it’s like seeing your siblings everyday but worse than that, you have the choice not to see that person and you end up still bumping into them

I feel like you guys purposely ignore each other at school like in the hallways and what not because yooooo… that’s kinda fudgin awkward like- like no hard feelings and all you both sorta silently agreed its fine, but when you guys have to meet up for like batch assemblies or like family occasions, you two are alright with spending time together.

I feel like the first time you two found out you were in the same class and shiz you two kinda kept glaring all week but when the other turned to look, the other would just smile and no signs of glaring but it’d happen again when they turn their backs.

But soon you guys accepted the fact that, maybe you’re just fated to be be together for all of your life or well in the present time

You do NOTT know how AWKWARD IT IS WHEN YOU TWO ARE PAIRED FOR AN ACTIVITY

Like you’d go to talk about the project and it’d go like this

“,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, soo,, wanna go to my house for the project or do I go to yours?”

“ Jeong,,,,,,,, i think it doesnt rlly matter,, we live next door to each other, and i eventually have to eat at your place on Wednesdays”

Guess what day it was????? Wednesday !

So you had to go to his to eat with his family and all then go to his room to do the project together, ITS SO AWKWARD BC ITS LIKE YOU GUYS COMMUNICATE WITHOUT ACTUALLY SPEAKING, AND YOU GUYS JUST START DOING IT ON YOUR OWN OR SOMETHING, I mean maybe not awkward for you or him but if i were there, omg stop ill be so awkward just trying to write half an essay about the importance of learning for kids or something 

so there was actually this time you guys met together on christmas like it wasnt really what you two wanted but yk your families decided to celebrate it together, and it was a whole party with all the random relatives together and the little baby cousins running everywhere

you and Jeongin were part of the major deputies in guarding the baby cousins like you two had to sit near or in the playpen of the kids ALL NIGHT LONG, and you couldnt even greet each other since at least one kid would randomly try to eat a metal toy car

then one of the older cousins took over the duty for a bit so you two could breathe and like get out of the crusty playpen, and you two had like no like friends or like you guys weren’t exactly close with your other cousins sooo you two ended up just chatting outside the house on the porch with your hot chocolates </3

and you know that myth or like belief that the person you’re with when the first snowfall happens like you two are meant to stay in each other’s lives for a long time or something

guess what, when you guys were joking together, snow started to fall  HDJFSKHFGJS and not only that, when you two looked to admire the snow i feel like the two of you kinda glanced to the other, its kinda like a ritual at this point since this happens like nearly every year, maybe you two are meant to be in each other’s lives for a long time, like idk the universe is saying something but we just can’t FIGURE IT OUT!!!

What a coincidence

Anyway so that’s happen and when you two catch each other looking at yk each other, you’d share a small laugh together and then you two give each other a knowing look then count down to 5 before you point behind your shoulders to the door then a bunch of kids start screaming and a few loud chatters with the muffled out words of “its snowing!” And “Look at the snow outside!!” Behind the door and then you guys start chuckling and giggling together again

Stop, hold my tears rn

ALSOOOO i feel like your guys’ windows like to ur rooms are facing each other, so every now and then if you guys get bored its not hard to just throw little paper balls to the other’s window and talk KJSHHKJHSDISIOI but that rarely happens now, since you’re both very busy but I CAN PROUDLY SAY THAT YOU GUYS PROBABLY CHECK TO SEE IF THE OTHER IS OKAY LIKE JUST LOOKING THROUGH THEIR WINDOW TO SEE THE OTHER AND YK MAKE SURE THEY ARENT BAWLING THEIR EYES OUT OR SOMETHIG WHEN YOU GUYS GET HOME

Nah bc the awkward flustered random unintentional eye contact you guys have made throughout your lives, yeahhhhhhh its not like it taints your relationship AT ALL its just like idk you guys kinda get rlly flustered and weak yk when you just look in their eyes but you guys will never say that to each other lol <3

I feel like none of you would confess first

LIKE HEAR ME OUT, you seem like you just wanna go with the flow since jeongin is the type of guy you won’t understand with his like body language he’s just someone who’s hard to read sometimes, and then jeongin is just the type to keep it inside for the sake of not wanting to lose you as a friend, like no matter how much he may seem like he’s pushing you away, he really treasures you, its just the feelings that make it extra hard for him <3

Honestly feel like either one of you confessed to the other when you were drunk

DO NO GET ME WRONG, IT WAS FAMILY FRIENDLY OFC

Actually i feel like you said it to him when you’re drunk at a gathering with your friend groups which had mutuals so they arranged a eat out or something and you two were there, then yk you got drunk from your weak tolerance for alcohol and I just have a rlly big gut feeling that jeongin does not like to drink simply bc it tastes like cap

So he kinda had to bring you home since the rest knows you’re neighbors <3

You were a MESS, he’d try to get some water from a convenient store and then when he comes out you’re on the floor trying to sleep, thinking that’s your bed. A mess, and you had drool like just a bit down your chin. And he had a hard time chasing you all around the streets so you dont get hurt. And you did kinda trip, but dont worry he’s there and you had tough knees <3 you only got a scratch :D

So i feel like you were trying to walk straight on your own and he was like reaching for you back and forth hesitantly since you always looked like you were going to trip and fall. And you probably just blurted out like

“Jeong as weird as it sounds but its true ! ,,,,,,,,, i think I’ve,,,liked you for a time now,,, actually a long time before,,,,,”

And he stood there like “:D,,,,, I’m sorry what”

And when you finished that, you kinda got rlly drained and fell on him, hedfkjshdkfjhs we love clumsy y/n

But uhm yeah you did that and you were kinda half asleep,,,,,,??? No one rlly knew but you still replied to his questions so probably yeah you were awake, anyway, he was thinking for a while about your “confession” and it just wasn’t sitting right with him, even if he finally got the dream he’s been hoping that’d happen to him, this wasn’t the dream he wanted. Like not exactly

“,,,, do you mean that?”

“My feelings? My confession? Yeah of course, they’re mine,,, and I know ,,, them” you spoke like that btw JKHKHS you were just having the time of your life being half knocked out with alcohol that your voice wasn’t consistent.

“,,,,,,”

And you, even if you were drunk, you didnt wanna push him, i feel like you’d still have that conscience at the back of your head still telling you that, even if this is him or not, pushing an answer from him or them is not the right thing to do, being drunk is not an excuse. He was awfully quiet during the walk thru the neighborhood to your homes and you liked that you didnt have to fight for warmth when Jeongin had an arm just drenched on your shoulders to keep you from falling and for him to assure you that you weren’t off trying to fit in a sewer hole but you, nonetheless, tried to embrace the opportunity so you don’t freeze your butt off

KJHSFHSKHS i honestly feel like you wouldn’t remember it in the morning JDHFHDSKJFH and Jeongin would prOBS get kinda mad at you for it, like he would have thought the next day you could clarify that you meant it and he’d confess too and shiz but nah you went “:D what do you mean? what happened last night,,?”

And he just ._. ,,,,, bro

He actually ignored you for a while like give him a week or something, though it was a lot for you since now all you saw when you looked out your window was a curtain over his window and he did not wanna talk to you like he kept conversations as small as they could get. And you just kinda “</3”

Long story short you guys started dating after a few pebbles to his window to talk to him and a bunch of attempts of trying to get a text from him at least, you had to try to convince him you meant that confession, even if he was the youngest in skz not only that, it also would mean that he hasn’t had a lot of crushes, or relationships so he didn’t wanna get hurt or lose you as a friend if you only meant it as a joke.

The couple that takes too much pictures for their own good LIKE ALWAYS TAKING PICTURES OF YOURSELVES OR OF EACH OTHER

We aren’t complaining tho <3 and you guys aren’t too much on PDA or something like that hekfjhskdfks like cuddling and kisses are super scarce in your relationship like it wasn’t that you guys were awkward with each other, its kinda like you guys couldn’t understand or get it through that you’re in a relationship, not like in a bad way, kinda like you guys were just too awestruck with the idea

And after a year or so, that’s when you guys trIED to cuddle like hugs has a rlly big place in your relationship since its the only thing you two call affection, before. It was awkward when u guys tried it first HKJDHFKH like you’d accidentally poke his side and he’s start laughing and try to get you off of him, or he would accidentally hit your back with his elbow and you’d be in pain for a few minutes LMAOOOOOOOOO you guys actually fell off the couch a bunch of times lbr.

Just a whole lot of first times with each other, like first real date and shiz first cuddle, first kiss KHKdHSDKHK ugh and I’m convinced he would probably told himself that he wouldnt want how his first kiss or first cuddle went and he wouldnt wanna imagine someone else in your place or something LIKE I jUST GET THE FEELING HE’D TREASURE THAT A LOT WITH HIS FIRST RELATIONSHIP AND SHIZZZ </3 girl i swear

Like he’s not the best in expressing his love either like he’s either monotonous abt it or rlly low key abt it that you can’t even tell its his way of saying ily

HE WOULD DOWN RIGHT INSULT U BUT THEN GIVE U A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD OR SOMETHING

I feel like he would always either leave you something for lunch or breakfast, little flowers here and there and a whole bunch of snacks, little good morning and good night texts and when you have a presentation or something he’d give you a good luck from the back of the lecture hall and you just </3 giggle at him </3

Stop STOP I CAN NOT DO THIS RN

He would deffo walk you home i mean like duh but i also feel like he’d bring you wherever you want at like 3 in the morning just text him and he’ll be at ur door </3

Honestly would look at you like his world LIKE YOU PUT THE STARS IN THE SKY

</3 he would prolly think nicknames suck but then wanted to call you babe later on </3

LMAOIAOIAOD but honestly I FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU TELL YOUR FAM THAT YOURE DATING SOMEONE, THEY ALL WENT “>:O WHO IS THE PERSON” and like strangled you till u told them HJHSFHS (not fr tho, we dont do that here)

And when they realized it was Jeongin, the neighbor’s son that they spend Christmas with every year and shiz

And they were happy that it wasn’t someone they couldn’t trust, they knew Jeongin and that he wouldnt wanna hurt you, he wouldnt wanna tear your feelings apart so they had faith in him </3 and that he would definitely treasure you for a long time. They were just so glad you guys found each other in a way yk </3

Probably the “regulars” in a dog cafe, and you guys always study together there and then play with the dogs </3 and then you guys helped name one doggo there </3

You guys named the dog “bubbles” because she’s got tiny curls that kinda looks like bubbles and you told him that this dog could kinda be your guy’s child (even tho you treat all the dogs there like your children)

“We can’t bring bubbles home, she lives here”

“But this is basically my child! OUR child!”