#WHY am i scared of this this is ridiculous
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Complicated Pairing - Garrick Tavis x RiorsonSister!Reader Summary - You're finally reunited with your brother and your long term crush after years of separation, and one of the first things Garrick does is catch you hooking up with a fellow cadet. You've finally given up on him, so why is everyone insisting he's jealous? Word Count - 3.8k Warnings - Language, but that's it!
“Gotta admit, Gamlyn. That was fun.” You said, tugging your clothes back into place the best you could in the cramped closet.
Ridoc grinned at you. “Anytime you want a repeat sweetheart, you let me know.”
You threw him a smirk, still catching your breath. “I might take you up on that.” And you might. It had been nice having a release after all the adrenaline from the fight you two had sparring on assessment day. While you didn’t know him that well, you had a nice feeling about Ridoc. He was in your squad and seemed like a good person. “Now we should get back -”
The door flew open, causing you to stumble into Ridoc’s arms who thankfully caught you. The light blinded you both for a minute before a large figure blocked it out, his arms crossed over his chest.
Shit. Well at least it wasn’t Xaden or Ridoc might not be alive right now.
“Damn it Garrick, you scared the shit out of me!” You said, stepping out of Ridoc’s arms to shove him out of the way.
Garrick’s hand clamped on your hip, hot and possessive, and the jolt it sent through you made you hate yourself a little. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” He asked - voice low, lethal - but his gaze wasn’t brotherly. It was territorial, and he was looking over your shoulder at Ridoc who you guessed was probably about to shit his pants.
“Woah, calm down, we were just . . . Blowing off some steam.” You said, shrugging your shoulders and trying to get Garrick’s attention on you by tapping his . . . Ridiculously toned chest.
It worked, but you weren’t a fan of the result. In all the years that you’d known Garrick, you’d never seen him look so angry at you. “Oh? Do you think Xaden would be fine knowing I’d found you in a closet with him?” He snapped, his eyes dark and sharp.
Now it was your turn to be upset. “Why the hell would I tell him anything about this?” You asked in disbelief. It’s not like you wanted Ridoc dead.
“Uh, why am I getting the feeling you two know each other?” Ridoc spoke up behind you.
“I’m pretty much her brother-” Garrick started, looking at Ridoc like he was about to rip his head off.
That one cuts deeper than you care to admit. You bite it down with the same blade you’ve been using for years to carve him out of your heart. You took a step back so his hand fell off you and at his side instead. “No. He’s my brother’s best friend.” You snapped. Who was he to come around and judge you for your decisions anyway? “And someone who has no right to try and make choices for me.”
His gaze shot back to you. “I’m your section leader-”
Was he trying to pull rank?! On you?! Now?! Fury must have shone through your eyes, but Garrick didn’t back down. “Who has no say in who I have sex with!” You’d spent years pining after him, dreaming about what it would be like to have his attention, and now, as soon as you stop hoping, he shows up acting like he still gets a say?
His eyes flashed with pure shock for a moment before a fire blazed in them, and he leaned down, invading your space. “Maybe not, but I’m sure your brother would love to know what you’re doing with a squadmate in his Wing.” He added as if you needed the clarification.
“Riorson is your brother?!”
That’s it. You were going to kill Garrick Tavis. You turned back to give Ridoc a sheepish smile. “Did I not mention that?”
Garrick let out a snort, and you turned around to find the asshole looking pleased with himself.
Gods you’d never been so pissed at him. “You know, section leader?” You spat the words like they tasted foul. “You can go fuck right off, and hope and pray to Dunne that I don’t stick spiders in your bed again like Bodhi dared me to when I was thirteen. Or maybe I’ll let Ridoc do a full report after our next closet rendezvous. I’m sure you’d love that.” You shoot him a certain finger, and turned on your heel, throwing over your shoulder, “And go ahead - report me. I’m sure Xaden would love to hear about his baby sister’s sex life from you.” You added, calling his bluff.
Garrick didn’t say anything. His jaw ticked, like he was chewing on words he wanted to hurl after you, but they never came.
Good. Let him choke on them.
“You know, now that I’m looking at you, the two of you kinda look alike.”
Surprised, you turned to look at an appraising Ridoc who had fallen into step beside you. “Wait - you’re not - you’re not running for the hills based on what you found out?”
He raised his eyebrows at you. “Should I be?”
You blinked. That . . . wasn’t a reaction you were used to. Most people either ran or kissed your ass the second they connected you to Xaden. Ridoc? He didn’t even flinch. You were sure as soon as anyone in your squad found out who you were that they’d want nothing to do with you. Mostly because, you weren’t afraid to admit, your brother was in fact fucking terrifying the majority of the time. “I - I guess not. I just assumed you would be.”
Ridoc slung his arm around your shoulders. “Listen, I’m not about to let a little thing like your super hot, but totally scary brother get in the way of what I think is the start to a beautiful friendship.”
Something warm unfurled in your chest - not the kind of heat that came from adrenaline or attraction, but something steadier. Safer. Like you’d found something you didn’t even know you needed. You’d had people your whole life, friends and family you loved, but . . . They’d always been Xaden’s friends first. Ridoc? He felt like a friend just for you. “A beautiful friendship, huh?”
“I would say friends with benefits, but I don’t think Tavis is going to let you stay single for long.” Ridoc said, raising his eyebrows at you with a smirk.
Your brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Ridoc drew the both of you to a stop. “Did you miss the way he was preparing to crush my skull with those enormous, unfairly sexy biceps?”
You rolled your eyes. “He was just being overprotective on Xaden’s behalf.”
Ridoc stared at you, and you got the distinct impression that he didn’t believe a word you said. He shook his head though, and the two of you started walking again. “Sureeee . . . Whatever you say. Now, how are you in history? Because I’m pretty sure without some help I’m definitely going to fail.”
If only he knew the real history. “Unfortunately my dear friend-” you wrapped your own arm around his waist, giving him an apologetic smile. “When it comes to history, we are well and truly fucked.”
“Fuck.”
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You were still irritated at Garrick when it came time for your little meeting with the rest of the marked ones. In fact, you were feeling pretty irritated about everything until you took a step outside and found someone waiting for you. “Liam.” You said, a bright smile forming on your lips at the sight of your fellow blonde cadet.
“I was sent here to get you out of a foul mood?” He said, raising his eyebrows at you, but his grin made you feel right at home.
You frowned, proving his point, but quickly wiped it away as you stepped forward to wrap your arms around the boy you considered your second brother. “People are being dumb. I don’t like it.” You murmured into his shoulder.
Liam laughed, returning your hug for a moment before pulling away. He put his hands on your shoulders, giving them a squeeze. “You know, you might not be surrounded by so many dumb people if you’d gone to the squad you were supposed to.” He said, raising his eyebrows at you.
Immediately you’re annoyed again. You turn your back on him, letting out a groan. “I’ve already had my lecture from Xaden, I don’t need another one from you.”
He hurried to catch up with you, slipping an arm around your shoulders. “No lecture. Just reminding you of how we could be kicking ass together.”
“I got curious about her. She’s supposed to be this weak, fragile thing, yet the first time I saw her she’s practically chopping off Barlowe’s balls.” You shrugged as the two of you approached the other marked ones. “Plus I thought it might help Xaden . . .” Gods you wished he could see that. That your brother could know all you wanted to do was try and make his life a little easier.
The man in question glanced up as the two of you neared the quiet crowd, and Xaden gave the smallest smile, meant only for you. Garrick was next to him, but you pointedly ignored him, returning your brother’s little smile.
Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the shift - Garrick’s jaw tightened, eyes tracking you like you were something he couldn’t look away from.
You pretended not to notice.
Of course Liam picked up on it, he picked up on everything. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not just upset about Xaden?” He said, nodding pointedly to Garrick.
You clenched your jaw.
Liam smirked, shaking his head. “What did he do this time?”
“You mean besides treating me like a child who’s not old enough to enjoy some male company when the mood strikes her?” You snapped before you could think better of it.
The smirk on Liam’s face only widened. “Thank gods it’s finally happening.”
“What the hell does that mean?” You asked, your voice pitched just a little too high. Defensive.
Liam wiggled his brows. “Just that Garrick is circling like a territorial dragon and you’re pretending you don’t like it.”
“I don’t,” you said automatically, but the heat in your cheeks said otherwise.
“Come on, it’s obvious. We’ve all been waiting for it to happen for years.” Liam said, smirking at you.
Your heart pounded harder in your chest, but you couldn’t figure out why. “What are you talking about?”
“Garrick finally realizing he’s in love with you.” Liam answered matter of factly.
If you had been drinking something you would have choked on it. “Liam, what the fuck?” You gasped.
“Oh come on,” he said, looking at you in disbelief. “It’s so damn obvious. We’ve been taking bets for forever on how long before he noticed your massive crush and realized how perfect you two are for each other.”
You could feel the heat rushing to your face as your eyes glanced at the man in question for the briefest moment. He was talking to Xaden, and your heart gave its all too familiar lurch at the sight of him.
His head tilted like he felt your eyes on him. Just for a second. His brows drew together, confused, like he couldn’t quite figure out what you were thinking. Or maybe what he was.
You looked away, fighting back a sigh. It’d be pointless to deny your crush. You hadn’t known how to be subtle about it when you were younger. Now though? You could hide it. Try to move on from it. Which you definitely wouldn’t be doing if there was a chance that Garrick was into you. “Well that’s never going to happen,” you muttered, forcing your eyes away from Garrick. “I got the message loud and clear when he called me his best friend’s little sister like I wasn’t even standing there.”
Liam’s smirk never faded. “Want to test that theory?”
This was ridiculous. There was no way Garrick Tavis had any sort of feelings for you other than being his best friend’s little sister. “You’re wasting your time.” You told him, rolling your eyes.
“Which means you’ve got nothing to lose.” He grinned. “Unless you’re scared he might actually feel something back.”
You scowled. “This is ridiculous.”
“So prove it,” he said, eyes dancing.
. . . Liam knew you entirely too well. You couldn’t back down from a challenge. “Fine, what pointless thing do you want to do?”
Liam slung his arm around your shoulders again, tugging you right against his side. “You don’t have to do anything. Just go with it.” He said, turning his attention back to Xaden who had started speaking.
You’d been on the receiving end of enough Xaden lectures to not feel bad about your lack of attention. He was talking to the rest of the first years, figuring out what he could do to help them. It made you proud to be his sister. Was he harsh? Yes. Was he telling them things they needed to hear? Yes again.
“Watch his body language.” Liam whispered to you.
You did what he asked, letting yourself look at Garrick as Xaden continued to speak, splitting up the first years between Garrick and Imogen. “Garrick’s the best fighter we have, but Imogen’s right there with him.”
“Well actually-” Garrick looked over at you, but froze immediately.
Liam turned his head, letting his lips come so close to your ear that his breath made you shiver. “Jaw and fists,” he murmured. Then, more playfully: “Let’s test a theory.” Before you could ask what he meant, he pressed a slow, deliberate kiss to your cheek.
You did what Liam said, keeping your eyes locked on Garrick’s body as he took in the sight of you and Liam. Surprise flooded your system as Garrick’s eyes narrowed on Liam’s arm, his jaw clenched. Your eyes traveled down his tense arms to his hands which were now clenched into fists. All signs that Garrick was not happy about what he was seeing. Something low and wild stirred in your stomach. You weren’t sure if it was victory or something more dangerous, but it hit you hard.
“Yeah, well we’d all be great fighters too if Xaden was our brother, and had been training us since birth.” A cadet snapped near you.
You turned slowly, leveled him with a glare, and flipped him off without a word. Liam stifled a laugh next to you. Garrick, though? He stepped forward before Xaden could respond, his eyes burning into the cadet.
“You might want to think before you speak again, cadet,” Garrick said, his voice low and dangerous. “She’s the last person you want as an enemy.”
Your eyes widened in shock and . . . pride. You glanced back up at Xaden who was clearly fighting a smile and Garrick still looked like he would like nothing better than to let Chradh drag the kid around by the foot and grin while he did so. He was hardly one who easily got mad or upset, and you knew you wouldn’t want that look he was giving the cadet thrown in your direction.
“Do you believe me now?” Liam whispered in your ear again, and you playfully shoved him with your shoulder.
“He’s just being protective.” You muttered, but even to your own ears the words sounded thin.
Liam snorted. “Protective? Please. Xaden’s not throwing daggers with his eyes every time I touch you.” He said, subtly nodding in the man’s direction.
You followed his nod. Garrick’s jaw was tight again. His arms were crossed. His gaze flicked to where Liam still held you, like it physically pained him.
It was hard for you to deny it. Was Liam actually right? You let out a soft sigh and rested your head against Liam’s shoulder like you’d done thousands of times before. “He still told Ridoc he was like my brother.” You admitted.
Liam was silent for a couple of moments. “Well, I never said he wasn’t an idiot.”
You had to fight back a laugh, but the humor died as you looked back to find Garrick’s eyes on you again. He crossed his arms over his chest, and he actually looked . . . Upset. For a moment, guilt twisted in your gut, but then heat bloomed in your chest.
Seriously? He could look at you like that - like you’d just betrayed him - after all his lecturing, all his possessive bullshit? He didn’t get to act like that. Not when he’d made it clear you were just someone to protect. Not when he’d told Ridoc you were like a sister.
If you wanted to crawl into Liam’s lap or fuck half the damn quadrant, it was your business. Not his.
You turned your gaze away from him, focusing back on the conversation right at the moment when they were complaining about Violet. You rolled your eyes. “She’s stuck here too, you know.”
The whole group quieted, turning toward you.
“What?” You heard Imogen say, clearly offended.
You straightened, lifting your head off Liam’s shoulder. “I said, Violet’s stuck here just like the rest of us. Bleeding the same blood. Going through the same hell we are. Her mother’s a monster, yeah - but Violet’s not her, and shouldn’t we be striving to show the Navarrians that we’re better than they are by not punishing them for the sins of their parents?” You asked, raising your eyebrows. You hated Violet’s mother. Given the chance you’d probably try and kill her too. But Violet was not her mother, just like you and Xaden weren’t Fen. She’s lost a brother, at least she thought she had, and you’d lost a father. Hadn’t everybody already lost enough?
“What the hell, are you seriously defending her now?” Imogen snapped, her expression twisting like you’d just stabbed her in the back.
You knew Imogen couldn’t stand her, and you hated pissing off your friend, but you also thought she was wrong. You shrugged your shoulders. “It’s hard not to respect a girl who’s got the guts to put a dagger to some asshole’s balls the first time you see her.” You admitted.
Imogen couldn’t say anything to that, because she knew you were right. She also wasn’t going to admit it either.
“I will take care of Sorrengail.” Xaden said, cutting through the tension with a voice like steel. He shot a glance at Imogen, then at you - unmistakably a warning to drop it.
The conversation ended quickly after that, but before you could leave Xaden called you over to him. “Great, time for another lecture.” You muttered to Liam, who just laughed and gave you a shove toward Xaden and Garrick.
“Are you still pissed off?” Xaden asked you, not wasting any time, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Are you?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him and matching his posture, crossing your own arms while you completely ignored the man standing beside him.
He didn’t answer for a moment, but then let out a sigh. “I was trying to keep you away from this as much as possible.”
“Well that sure was a dumbass move on your part. Guess Garrick’s bad judgement is contagious.” You glared at both of them, pulse hammering in your ears. “You need to accept that I’m in this. I’m your sister, and I love you. That means I’m not going anywhere.” Finally you turned to Garrick plastering on the fakest smile you could summon. “And you? You can still fuck right off.” You spun on your heel. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted. Try getting your heads out of your asses.”
It was strangely cathartic to tell off your brother and Garrick, like they hadn’t just taken off two years ago, and the three of you were right back at Riorson house. All you needed was to add Bodhi to the picture. Gods you wished you were back in Aretia instead of this place you had to call home for the next three years. You were almost at the door when a call of your name made you groan.
“Wait, please!” Garrick called, and you felt his arm grip your wrist way faster than he should have been.
You glanced back at where Xaden was, measuring the distance. “How the hell did you get over here so fast?” You asked in disbelief.
Garrick ignored your words. “I don’t like it when you’re mad at me. Especially when I’ve barely gotten to see you the past two years.”
Irritation leapt up once more, and you yanked your wrist out of his grip. “Well I don’t like being mad at you when I’ve missed you like crazy for the past two years, but when you do dumb shit like act like an overprotective brother-” you spat the word like it was poison, “-you don’t give me much of a choice.”
Garrick actually flinched like you’d slapped him. His mouth parted slightly, like the word had knocked the air right out of his lungs. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? That’s what you are right? Just another overprotective brother-”
One moment you were facing Garrick, and the next your back hit the wall, his body crowding yours, the heat of him pressing in. His hand landed on your hip, strong and grounding, thumb brushing slow, gentle strokes that sent a wildfire through your veins. Your heart stuttered stupidly at his closeness, but before you could say anything he did. “I am not your brother, and I definitely do not look at you like a sister.”
Oh fuck it felt so good to be this close to him. You felt crowded in the very best way - absolutely protected and safe. If only that feeling applied to your heart too. “Then tell me, Garrick,” you whispered, voice trembling despite your best efforts. “How do you look at me?” You asked, even though you were terrified of the answer.
Garrick didn’t answer at first, instead letting his free hand rise to your face, and you closed your eyes as he brushed some escaped hair behind your ears like he’d done a million times before, but somehow this time it felt a million times more intimate. “Fuck, I don’t know.” The words came out raw, almost broken. “It’s like . . . you’ve always been there, and now I can’t look at you without -” He cut himself off.
Well that . . . Was not the answer you wanted to hear, but it sure woke you up. You opened your eyes and placed your hands on his chest, ignoring how muscular it was and shoving him back from you so you could get past him to the door. “Then you need to figure it the fuck out.” You shoved past him, fury and heartbreak warring in your chest. “And don’t expect me to sit around waiting while you do.”
You didn’t look back, and the door slammed behind you so hard it rattled the frame.
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Final manifestations for Book 7?
I'm trying REALLY hard not to build up any solid expectations, because I wanna go in ~fresh~! they're already so far away from anything I thought would happen (not in a bad way, I'm just accepting that I'm on Miss Yana's Wild Ride at this point and we're seeing this thing through 'til the end, by gum). so it's nothing too major, but:
they've been handing new crying expressions out like candy lately, I want to see some delicious Malleus tears.
honestly I want everyone to cry buckets. their tears sustain me. the more Silver angst specifically I get the happier I am.
SILVER!!!! 👏 VANROUGE!!!! 👏
just let him have this. the poor boy's been through so much. let him have his big "I'm proud of you, son" moment with Lilia.
I'm 100% expecting Grim's arc (and probably whatever's going on with Crowley) to be its own episode, but a nice hook to leave us hanging on would be good!
a nice hook though, please, I don't think I can take another "Grim is attacking us! now wait eight months to find out what happens :)" cliffhanger...
some Meleanor? as a treat? just a little bit, a tiny quick flashback or something, please Twst I just, I just want to see her again. let her have a little ghost cameo like Dawnathan Knight got. Lilia and his kids are all having their big group hug or whatever and she can gently fade in to be all like
(turning asks off until I'm done playing, SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE Y'ALL)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#one last chance for me to be wrong about everything!#(no it's good i am enjoying it SO much) (just stomping right down on all of my personal like buttons with its whole weight)#(it's just also VERY good at totally subverting all of my expectations)#i don't think we're actually gonna get a permanently dehorned malleus though#just because it feels like an insane thing to remove the most iconic part of one of the most iconic characters of the game#but i could see like...a temporary thing ala raisin vil#or a permanent smaller change like cracks/chips or something (kintsugi horns would be super cool actually)#but i do think it's more likely we'll find some way to keep the status quo re:horn design#if this was the END-end of all of twst then maybe but they still wanna sell merch of this guy so they can't change his design TOO much#i am sorta wondering if he might get a bit of a power nerf though? take him down from ridiculously overpowered to just normal overpowered#idk they made a point of saying the horns were specifically what caused the weather stuff#and the weather stuff has been called out in particular as one of the reasons why mal being so stupidly magical makes him pretty unhappy#everyone's scared of him all the time and he has to actively try not to accidentally kill people when he gets upset#so. idk. maybe it was just a little worldbuilding. but i thought it was interesting they brought that up was all!#me: i'm not going to form any expectations (writes a whole thing speculating on the fate of malleus' horns)#look it's now or never okay#that end of episode rhythmic better be SO cute because i'm already losing my entire head over this
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Just watched the first Penguin ep and I can feeeeeel the obsession returning to my body
#matt reves I am in your walls#ALSO they made Oz ridiculous in this first ep and if he doesn't scare me to my core by the end of this show than what's the point?#sofia falcone slays she's acted so incredibly well#vic's having the most godawful day of his life#If battinson doesn't make an appearance I'll be disappointed but not surprised that's not why I'm here#SPEAKING of battinson I'm once again having superbat thots#superbattinson nation rise lmao#the penguin#the batman 2022
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okay but. if i actually commit to the bit and start writing + posting oc dialogues without making it a comic. would anyone be Interested at all
#my mutuals do this!!! and they make it so fucking cool!!! so maybe i should too!!!#reasons why i don't is because. Well. <- fears being ridiculed for his writing and thinks that it's awkward if i do not commit to making—#— it into a comic because otherwise it seems Uninteresting#i am. A Very Scared Person💥💥💥#yomoposting
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on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[honest to god this isn’t shade at anyone im literally just trying to explain i am never on the dash and when i am i take handfuls of rando#snapshots to send to whoever’s in my scope at that second. which is i know ridiculous but when you’re me and you’re mobile 100% of the time#because the other 75% you’re doing everything for everyone in your life it becomes exceedingly hard to WANT to stare at a laptop screen.#even if im home im 100% mobile most of the time. basically what im saying is: as an rper i will totally drop into your im’s randomly if#something strikes my fancy. if that’s not your bag i totally get it. the plotting call life has never been mine to own. a lot of the time#it’ll be a person likes it and then you reach out and it turns into ‘haha neither of us have an idea’ which then kills the whole thing.#hence why -i- tend to approach especially if you reblog something or wishlist it and it crosses my path. like. im so happy to try almost an#anything someone wants to give a shot so long as you feel like playing ping pong with me about it. I’ve always been an exceedingly social#person because i just… love people. and for a person literally exploding with anxiety… I don’t do anxiety about talking to people. I USED#to long ago until I LITERALLY forced myself to just… not give a fuck. but honestly? do it scared and now it’s just fucking do it. I#apologize in advance if I can be a pain in the ass and if it’s not your dig I comprehend an unfollow. im a very involved and interested#writer and frankly it’s how I keep myself able to enjoy this hobby by not making it too serious. like. sometimes I read someone’s rules and#im like Jesus Christ I would love to remember all of this but my brain only has so much ram. idk when the big invisible book of online#etiquette was written but I must have been sleeping in class for that one.]
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PHOBIAS ARE SO EMBARRASSING WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS “noooo we can’t go back to sleep what if someday we get sick and frow up :((“ IDFK!! THATS GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY AND YOURE GONNA HAVE TO ACCEPT IT BUT FOR NOW PLEASE LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP
#me when I am SO FUCKING SCARED OF THROWING UP holy SHIT#WHY COULDNT I HAVE A COOLER PHOBIA#like it may not be obvious because I’m able to joke about throwing up in fiction#but my NUMBER ONE LIFE RUINING CRIPPLING FEAR is getting sick it is RIDICULOUS#like you would think I just saw a dead body with the way I act sometimes#shaking crying hitting myself in pure fear ‘did someone die’ No my brother frew up :(#I genuinely don’t know where this fear came from#the incident I blame it on wasn’t it because I was terrified Before that#shoutout to the time a long time ago I had an obsessive urge to Constantly pray that I wouldn’t get sick#I am talking 24/7 the same seven words repeated in my mind EVERY SECOND#‘please God don’t let me throw up’ it didn’t fucking Work obviously and I still did once which was Traumatic#anyway enough yapping goodnight my lovely people#tw emetophobia#tw emeto ment
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there are twenty seven songs in my félix playlist which means a few more and i can do a monthly writing game. why am i saying this when i have several important wips i am meant to be doing? well, you see
#🌃#felix fathom#felix graham de vanily#i have complicated feelings about having a playlist because this is unlike me#the only playlists i have ever made are ones i hypothesize characters would listen to and i write pages of accompanying meta for why their#life experiences and psychologies would lead them to those music tastes#i've never had a playlist of songs that remind ME of a character before#i mean i think it's decent i still have standards but it's a new experience i sort of feel like i'm god or i'm in purgatory#anyway what am i even talking about here#félix makes me do all kinds of ridiculous things#for the record my recommendations are#coin operated boy abraham's daughter oh no! neighborhood 2 the mind electric and the hand that feeds#maybe when i have a month's worth i will make one of those graphics#yay that's fun#MY MIDTERM IS IN TWELVE HOURS WHAT AM I DOING#i suppose it doesn't have to be a writing game i could learn how to make gifs#or webweave or make moodboards or screenshots or even#just post lyrics in a definitely normal length reblog chain#dog days are over is the last song in my playlist because i think it's funny and flairmidable and florence and did i mention it's funny#because he's scared of horses#LMAO#god i love him#what was i talking about again#hey#does tumblr have a tag limit
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also I got rly scared abt this last night or the night before because I suddenly realized sometimes people interpret it this way,,
so i just wanted to say that the reason i dont interact w people very much is NOT bc i think im better than ppl or anything - i am just very genuinely Petrified of messing up in social situations, to the point that I end up isolating and avoiding rather than risk making mistakes ^^;; WHICH ISN'T HEALTHY but . i havent figured out how to work through this yet dhdjdkl
BUT YEAH i just wanted to try to make sure nobody is thinking I'm some hoity-toity goober, I am literally just Extremely Terrified fjdjdkdl
#I've had nothing but good exps w ppl online for MONTHS but it hasnt seemed to improve my fear :')))#idk why im so scared honestly fhkddl i didnt use to be this ridiculously terrified ??#i could probably trace it back to a couple genuinely somewhat traumatizing bad interactions BUT CMONNN BRAIN !!!#its literally just a handful of Really Bad exps and all the rest have been totally fine 😭😭 those were OUTLIERS !!!#regardless. i rly hope i dont come off that way of being like. ''im too good for u'' bc thats absolutely not whats going on dhdkdl#im just. very very scared pretty much constantly and dont want to make any mistakes#bc i rly cherish this space and i am so grateful for everyone in it so i dont want to mess it up for myself i guess fhdkdl#any time i send a DM or reply or ask just know im probably fighting back Genuine Fear as i do so LMAO its so ridiculous honestly 😭😭#one day I'll figure it out and be able to interact w others without feeling like i am jumping straight into a lion's mouth !!!! one day !!!#(also theres a whole thing of me feeling like im scum of the earth and i don't want to make ppl have to be around me bc that would be rude)#(but the Fear is the main thing djdkdl the self-loathing is secondary at this point which... is potentially progress? maybe?)#(plus i am a notorious rambler. see example A (this right here). and i dont want to talk ppls ears off 😭😭)#dandy.cmd
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Wait, are reaction videos emotional porn?
#reaction videos#reaction reels#i am so sick of the thumbnails getting more and more ridiculous day by day#clickbait is clickbait for a reason#why do we want to watch someone get scared or cry or smile? (coz i dont mean videos that show competent analysis)
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finally figured out why tmagp isnt scary to me, its bcus its the same as tma s5! its more focused on the characters, and the scary stories are just kind of thrown in in the middle of the episode.
#my post#spent the last few weeks trying to figure out WHY i dont find it scary bcus i am ridiculously easy to scare#and its just. its just this. its just season 5 all over again.#needles was pretty funny i hope we see him again
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the thing about social interaction is that it is an essential skill that i never learnt and whatever of it existed was only grievously impaired during the pandemic so i'm trying to learn it by aggressively throwing myself into social situations even though it is difficult. surely something will stick
#having connections is so important#which is why i'm grabbing every opportunity to make new connections by the throat even if it scares my so so so much#chanting 'we must not romanticise ease we can do difficult things' as i scream cry and try to teach myself something basic#i have discovered in this process that i try too hard to make myself palatable and ultimately give others nothing to work with#that's probably the adhd. i can't strike a balance bw masking enough to not be ridiculed but not so much as to seem completely distant#but worrying about that is step 2. step 1 is just interacting with people at any cost#in less scary news i am trying to figure out stuff i like instead of just going along with stuff people around me have always told me i like#shit although maybe that's more scary now that i think about it...#i might have to.. open up... and talk about all this stuff... to all these people i'm trying to make connections with... Oh God#bwaaaaaaaaaaaa this self improvement shit is difficult and terrifying they should do classes on how to be a person
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Man you ever wake up from a nightmare that wasn’t even like objectively that awful you just *feel* awful after you startle awake
But it’s way too early to be awake so you want to try to sleep some more, but that weird and vague nightmare that wasn’t even that bad just has you too rattled to sleep :/// yeah
#like I can’t impress enough how ridiculous this nightmare was it was the equivalent of#like. going to the coffee shop and being told sorry we’re out of coffee :(#and like just having a really ott dramatic mental breakdown abt it#not saying that can’t happen I know stress can build up but it’s like#bruh… that wasn’t SCARY. why am I SCARED.
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anxiety sucks
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𝜗𝜚˚⋆ “I DON’T NEED GOOGLE, MY HUSBAND KNOWS EVERYTHING”
You’re sitting on the kitchen counter in an oversized shirt— his shirt. Your legs are swinging idly while you’re scrolling on your phone as he cooks. “Do you think cats can see ghosts?” you asked aloud, eyes squinting at a Reddit thread.
Nanami didn’t even look up from where he stood at the stove. His sleeves are neatly rolled up to his forearms, his tie loose around his neck and his glasses were sliding slightly down his nose. “They can. Their pupils can pick up ultraviolet light, which some believe contributes to sensing energies humans can’t”.
You blinked, taken aback by how he knew the answer to such a useless question like that. “Okay, how do you know that?”
He finally looked over at you with one brow raised. “Because you asked me that last year at 1 a.m. after watching that horror movie. You were scared to go to the bathroom”.
You flushed in embarrassment from the memory, making a face as you tossed a kitchen towel at him. “Shut up, I forgot”.
“You always forget”. He caught the towel effortlessly and set it aside, walking over to you with that steady, unhurried pace that made your stomach flip. “That’s why you don’t need Google, right?”
You smiled, your eyes bright as you looked at him. “Exactly. I don’t need Google. My husband knows everything”.
“Hm,” he murmured, slipping his hands to your hips and standing between your parted legs. “Maybe. I do have a few things memorized by now”.
His lips brushed your temple, his nose dragging down your cheek to the spot just below your ear. You melted instinctively, leaning into the comfort of his touch. “Like how you always get pouty when I win an argument,” he whispered against you, softly kissing your jaw. “Or how you kick your feet when you’re excited”.
You gasped playfully. “That’s not knowledge, that’s slander”.
“And yet…” He lifted your chin with two fingers, thumb brushing your bottom lip as he stared into your eyes. “I know what this means, too”.
He kissed you softly and passionately, like time didn’t exist beyond the press of his lips against yours. You sighed into him, wrapping your arms around his neck as he deepened it, his tongue teasing yours with lazy confidence as his palm splayed warm and heavy on each side of your thighs.
“I think,” you murmured between kisses, “you just like proving me right”.
He chuckled lowly, voice deep but still soft as always. “Mm. And what am I proving now?”
“That you do know everything,” you breathed in desperation, tugging gently at his loosened tie. “Especially when it comes to me”.
That was all the invitation he needed.
Nanami eased you back, laying you down across the countertop with a careful hand behind your head, kissing down your throat as he nudged the hem of your shirt up past your hips. No panties. Of course. You knew he liked easy access.
“You did this on purpose,” he muttered, dragging his knuckles along the inside of your thigh.
“Because I knew you’d come home early”.
“And what does that say about you?” he asked, smirking.
“That I know you, too”.
He hummed softly, slipping two fingers through your folds and groaning softly at how wet you already were. “Smart girl”.
You whimpered as he teased your clit, lazy circles designed to drive you insane. His lips met yours again, his other hand pressing your wrists gently above your head.
“You always ask the most ridiculous questions,” he muttered, lining up against your wet entrance without warning, which is crazy because you didn’t even notice when he reached into his pants and pulled his cock out till you felt the weight of him pressing against you. It’s so thick and hard and sooo warm that you squirmed. “But when it matters— when your body’s desperate for something real, you don’t need answers”.
He slid into you slowly, making you gasp at his size, your back arching by the stretch and your legs are wrapping tightly around him.
“You just need me”.
You nodded, completely breathless. “Always you”.
Nanami kissed you like a promise like he had all the answers in the world— and you didn’t need a single one of them as long as he was yours.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk smut#jjk fluff#nanami kento#kento nanami#kento smut#kento imagine#jujutsu kaisen kento#jujutsu kento#jjk kento#kento fluff#kento x reader#kento x y/n#kento x you#kento x female reader#nanami smut#nanami imagine#nanamin#nanami fluff#jjk nanami#jujutsu kaisen nanami#nanami x reader#nanami x you#jujutsu nanami#nanami x y/n#nanami x female reader#jjk imagines#jjk x you#jjk x female reader
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its so silly how i get happy and excited when i see other ppl gush and make sweet posts abt their f/o but every time /i/ do it then i feel like the world's most annoying little freak and I fight the urge to go hide under a rock after i hit the post button LMAO
#i could make a post like ''um i love him. and i think he's so niceys.'' and hit post and-#-then think to myself ''welp. time to pack it in. i gotta delete my blog and move to the top of rockies. nobody can ever see me again.''#LIKE HUH ???? WHY AM I SO SCARED ALL THE TIME FJFKDL WHAT IS WRONG W ME#ITS SO GOOFY AND RIDICULOUS AND DRAMATIC 😭😭#makes me laugh a little tbh like okay edgelord calm down DBFJDL#dandy.cmd
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AU, where Bruce accidentally gets de-aged (physically and mentally), and the first person he bumps in is... Red Hood.
To Jason's defence, he didn't connect the dots at first. He was just patrolling around his usual turf, thinking of nothing in particular, when he saw a small child in a ridiculously serious suit, sulking around Crime Alley. He looks distraught, and considering that he looks rich, it is no surprise - that is not a place for him. So, he is either lost or something happened, right?
He takes the helmet off, as he usually does when he is dealing with kids (they got scared easily) and carefully approaches a brooding baby.
'Hey, shrimp. Where are your parents at?'
That said shrimp turns around, his big blue eyes looking confused and lost, and Jason thinks he looks awfully familiar.
'I am not shrimp,' he protests instantly, pouting at him. 'And they are somewhere... here. We just left the movie theatre together!'
Jason glances at the abandoned movie theatre, back at the little rich boy with a familiar frown, and it clicks. This is his fucking dad. Suddenly, a kid - but it is fucking Bruce Wayne, for sure.
'Was watching Zorro by any chance?' Jason still asks, just to be sure that he is not going insane.
Bruce - and it must be him - beams at him.
'Yes! This is a great movie, by the way.'
Oh, hell. At least, he didn't witness his parents' death just yet. Jason wasn't sure he would be able to deal with his father being so small, and mourning his mom and dad. He would probably cry himself at some point.
'Hey,' Jason calls out for him slowly, squatting down; God, who would've thought that this little shrimp would become so tall and big in the future. 'Aren't you... You must be Thomas's kid, right?'
Okay, yeah, Jason is going to lie to this kid. Because there is no way he manages just to steal Bruce as a stranger to bring him back home; it is still a kid, even if it is his father. Right?
'You know my dad?' Bruce tilts his head, little fingers tugging on the hem of his jacket; suspicious.
'You could say that,' Jason nods. 'Alfie... I mean, Alfred called me. Asked me to pick up a kid, since Thomas and Martha got an urgent call.'
Fuck his life and stupid life choices. What the hell he was even doing? He looked like a mugger; or like a psycho. But Alfred was his best bet - he could call him, after all; ask, well, support his idiotic made-up story.
'No one calls Alfred Alfie but my dad,' Bruce pouts in a very, very spoiled manner.
'Well... I do. We served together in the army,' he blurts out.
His armour, apparently, is enough a proof for the kid to nod slowly.
'Okay. But you gotta take off your strange mask first,' Bruce folds arms on his chest.
...???
Did this kid just agree for an unknown man to take him home? Like this? Who could've thought that this pouty child would become the most paranoid man alive in the future?
'Uh, why?'
'So I can remember your face and do an identikit, if you turn out to be a bad guy,' Bruce smirks stupidly. 'Duh.'
Jason is going to cry. This kid is so cute.
'Yeah, duh,' Jason huffs, but despite his better judgment takes the domino mask off as well. 'Go on, take your time. My identikit should be the prettiest, shrimp.'
Bruce... gawks at him. His eyes are comically wide now, mouth open, and then, he jumps a little closer to him - oh, God, he is jumping when excited? - putting his hellishly cold hands on Jason's cheeks.
'Woah. You look like dad.'
'Uh,' Jason nods awkwardly, and because he is an idiot, adds a joke: 'We are brothers, actually. Just don't talk much.'
...Apparently, little Bruce can't take jokes. Because he lets out an adorable gasp, and throws himself on Jason as if they knew each other for ages now.
'Uncle? That's so cool. You look like Zorro!'
Damn this little kid, and this stupid family. Damn Joe Chill and the night he killed this kid's parents. Damn it all. Bruce might be an asshole sometimes, but he was so... cute and innocent.
'Thanks, shrimp,' Jason slides a domino mask back on, picks up little Bruce with one arm, and grips a helmet with another. 'Come on, let's go home. Alfred will make your favourite tiramisu.'
'You know my favourites?!'
Jason sniffles.
'Yeah. Yeah, I do, kid.'
If he gets so emotional over this kid, he has no idea how worse Dick is going to be once he finds out.
Oh, this is going to be one hell of a night.
#batmobile conventionally appears to be somewhere close so Jason uses it to get lil Bruce back#Bruce is Buzzing with excitment this car is so cool#also Bruce “I get stolen for ransom everytime and then so I just chill most of the time” Wayne#*narrator's voice*: Dick in fact was sobbing when he saw little B#Alfred sniffled a few time#everyone was amused by Jason uncle story so they just kept teasing him about it#little B unironically thought his uncle was cool though#normal-sized Bruce and Jason stared awkwardly at each other afterwords#something about Jason reminding and acting like Thomas Wayne a lil...#jason todd#red hood#dcu comics#dc universe#dcu#batman#bruce wayne#batfamily#batfam
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