#I am talking 24/7 the same seven words repeated in my mind EVERY SECOND

[pixlmonkeys]

PHOBIAS ARE SO EMBARRASSING WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS “noooo we can’t go back to sleep what if someday we get sick and frow up :((“ IDFK!! THATS GONNA HAPPEN SOMEDAY AND YOURE GONNA HAVE TO ACCEPT IT BUT FOR NOW PLEASE LET ME GO BACK TO SLEEP

[angelkurenai]

Imagine being in a relationship with Dean, but when you finally start to make things more serious, you start to distance yourself and keep quiet from him. Being worried he might have ruined the best thing to ever happen to him and despite his insecurities, Dean decides to have a talk with you to figure out what’s wrong.

“What?” Dean's voice was gruff, still far too early for him to speak or stand in the first place especially since he hasn't had his coffee yet, but he did repeat with a frown at his brother “What?”

“Huh?” Sam blinked, looking away from your still – maybe far too still to be normal – form, hunched over your steaming cup of coffee, to look at his brother who had one raised eyebrow at him already “Oh uh, I- What did you say again?”

“I asked you. What's the matter man?” Dean blinked slowly compared to his brother who blinked too fast.

“No, nothing's the- You know actually-” Sam cleared his throat, turning more towards his brother and lowering his voice “I've just- I was looking at (Y/n) and I've noticed that lately some things are different, like- like this morning, and I've been meaning to ask you but I didn't know if I should so I just-”

“Sam” Dean said in a rough voice “Too early. Too many words. Cut to it.”

“Is she alright?” he asked with actual worry both on his face and in his voice “Cause I- I was paying attention to some things and she really doesn't seem like herself. I would've asked her but, while I'm her best friend, I didn't know if it was entirely my place to. So I thought I should ask you, seeing how attached to the hip you two are. Is (Y/n) alright?”

“I-” Dean started but frowned even more, his eyes immediately jumping to take in your form at the moment as he tilted his head to the side in confusion and deep thought “I don't-”

“You don't? Don't what, Dean? Don't know? She's your girlfriend, for crying out loud!” Sam whispered-hissed at his brother.

“I just- She seemed fine to me all this time! I never noticed a thing out of the ordinary. She's acting the same way she always did around me!” Dean shrugged, voice also hushed “No, really, that's how it's always been. Our relationship is the same too, maybe better than ever! I mean-” a smile, or more like a proud grin, started lifting the corners of his lips as he looked a bit into the distance in thought “If last night was any indicator, we are certainly better than ever!”

“You- what?” Sam narrowed his eyes at his brother with a tilt of his head.

“You know, I was a bit tired after the case, but then she came out of the shower wearing my shirt and you know how one thing can lead to another, and I really couldn't help. It was oof-” Dean blew out a breath “Wow, really, wow. So much of-” Dean had started recounting the events of the previous night with a coy smile on his face, until Sam interrupted him.

“Dean. Dean! Hey, not- not the point here, yes? And I'm certainly not interested in being scared for life by the mental images that would inevitably invade my mind, please and thank you.” the younger Winchester pointed out, effectively cutting him off also with a look that made Dean's smile vanish and the man sober up and get more serious “Our point here is (Y/n) and whether she is alright or not.”

“She-” Dean paused, letting out a short huff before straightening his back “Hey, honey? (Y/n)?”

“Hmh? What?” you asked slowly, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you finally looked at something but your coffee, your boyfriend.

“Are you alright?” he asked caringly still.

“Define alright.” you said back with a serious face and they shared a look “Alright as in alright with an asteroid striking earth and killing everyone this morning or alright as in alright with passing out and sleep the rest of my life off with occasional breaks for midnight snacks?”

It took a couple seconds for any of the Winchesters to speak, only silence having followed save for the sound of the coffee machine, as they both stood there for a couple seconds only blinking”Alright as in... alright? Alright as in functioning properly as a human being and being... mentally stable perhaps?”

“Oh” you blinked, only twice, in understanding before shaking your head “No, then. No.” you went back to staring at your coffee, waiting for it to cool down and letting silence hang in the air but for a shorter amount of time before you added “As for mentally stable though, I think I've got something close to it. My mind is in a stable situation as in a never-changing state.”

“Never-changing state? Wh-what would that be?”

“You know, normal stuff.” you shrugged, eyes still laced with sleep “Like an internet browser.”

“You mean... like a computer? Sharp and with a good memory?”

“No, I mean like a browser. Fifteen tabs are open, seven of them are frozen and I don't know where the music is coming from.” you said with a casual shrug “But there's nothing new about it. 'S pretty much the story of my life, how I've always been. 24/7 and it stays the same, so don't worry.”

“I-” Sam frowned even more deeply, blinking in confusion again before shaking his head and turning his head abruptly to look at his brother and mostly glare at him, before he whispered “You call this alright?”

“Well, just between you and I... yeah!” Dean shrugged “That's how she is man, we both know it.”

“Well, yes, obviously. But today she seems to be even more of... that! Seriously, Dean-” Sam sighed deeply, shaking his head “Work with me for a moment here, ok? Really do. Think well about this. Has something happened that could affect her? Something that maybe... you don't even know about? Something that she wouldn't tell you for one reason or another?”

“Not tell me? Why would she not-”

“I don't know. I mean-” Sam shrugged, face going more serious this time around “Does she have a reason to? Is there something there that would cause it? Is... Is everything ok between the two of you?”

“Of course, why else-” Dean started, defending himself and what you had, before it slowly started downing on him and he stopped abruptly, going serious immediately “I'll- I will go talk to her.”

“Are you sure about that? I mean, maybe you should wait a bit? Think this trough?” there was clear doubt in both Sam's voice and face, not that it deterred the older Winchester in the least bit. He was far too busy being worried abut other things than him messing up.

“Yeah, I've got this. Don't worry, I'll clear it all up.” he reassured his brother though Sam looked anything but reassured.

“Doubt that but alright, whatever you say.” Sam sighed “Just- Make sure to be calm. Be careful about this.”

Though Dean barely paid attention to half of the words, he gave a nod at his brother – which, alright, looked more dismissive than anything else – before making his way towards you.

“Hey, honey.” he said softly, slowly reaching out to take hold of your hand; the only thing you did was hum in acknowledgment, eyes focus on stirring your coffee.

“Alright uhm-” he cleared his throat, glancing at his younger brother who was looking closely at the two of you in concern “Hey, sweetheart, are you- How are you feeling today?” he corrected himself when he realized his previous question had already gotten an answer, albeit weird one.

“Oh just a lil bit tired. 'S all. But what else is new?” you shrugged, finally moving to slowly take a large sip of your coffee and sigh in content.

“I understand, the case was a bit tough for all of us. But things will get better, we'll take a break for some time if need be.” he nodded his head slowly, his fingers playing with yours as he hesitated for another second “I just- You know, you seem a bit off, so I- I couldn't help but feel slightly concerned about you. And I know you said you are ok but I wanted... I neededto ask you again if everything is really alright... between us?” his question managed to make you look up from your cup with a deepening frown and tilt of your head, fact that only put him even more on edge and made him worry even more.

“You felt concerned?” you question, glancing at Sam the same second he did.

“Yeah, I- well, we both did. But I even more so, you understand. So I just wanted to ask you. And honey, if- if I ever did anything, if I wronged you somehow, if- gosh, if I hurt you even, I am so sorry. I didn't- I didn't even realize it, I get so caught up with our hunts sometimes that... maybe I even neglect you. Some kind of boyfriend, I am.” he scoffed at himself, shaking his head “I know I suck sometimes, but you know I love you more than anything. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and to know that I might have somehow ruined this in any way, even in the slightest, hurts as hell. So I want you to tell me, I want us to talk, so I- so I can do my utmost to fix it. Something. Anything. So I can be better for you.”

“Fix it?” the more you only repeated his words in that careful, low tone the more the man panicked on the inside that things were much more wrong than he knew and wondered if there even was any fixing it.

“I- Well, I hope?” he asked slowly, before squeezing your hand “I just want us to be alright and it's clear that we're not. You just seem off and I was hoping you could talk to me about it, that I could change it. Is there anything I can do? Anything you need from me? Anything at all. You just tell me and I promise-”

“Well, since you started this-” you shrugged, straightening your back “I wasn't going to mention this but, yes, maybe you are right. There is something great I need, that I almost can't live without, and that I feel like I've been missing all this time. I really don't know how to tell you but in every relationship we must also think of ourselves, not our partner. There is no use in suffering just to make the other happy, it's not healthy. So I guess, enough is enough after some point, right?” you asked and he gave a weak nod “Dean-” you sighed heavily as he looked at you with almost wide, terrified eyes “I really need some space.”

Sam held his breath as he watched with almost wide eyes on his own the scene unfold before him, expecting anxiously his brother's reaction. He really hoped he didn't overreact, though, that his words were carefully thought, calm and collected instead of-

“You're breaking up with me?!” Dean nearly yelped the exclaim and Sam couldn't help but roll his eyes. There went the first option of a civilized conversation, right out of the window.

You held his gaze for a couple more seconds, face completely blank before you finally snapped or close to it as you punched Dean on the shoulder “You're taking up all the bed you little piece of shit! I just need some space to sleep comfortably without having the fear of ending up on the floor, you idiot! I haven't been able to sleep well for the entire week because of you just sprawl out on the damn bed and take up all of the freaking space!”

When a kick on the foot under the table followed, Sam couldn't help but snort and let the smile rest on his lips. Relief, no doubt ten times bigger, washed over his brother though Sam wasn't sure for how long it would last.

“I'm so-”

“Oh no, you don't get to apologize! You don't get to say shit about this Winchester. I barely slept two hours last night, two freaking hours! All the while you were sprawled and snoring softly and murmuring in your sleep and enjoying your time in freaking dreamland like Sleeping Beauty!” but you apparently could snap harder and much as it made Dean back down with wide eyes, Sam was thoroughly enjoying it “So you want to be a good boyfriend and really try to make our relationship work? How about you start with the freaking basics such as letting me survive! Cause last time I checked lack of sleep is detrimental to one's health.”

“I- I will. I promise, I-”

“You fucking better.” you hissed, glaring at him before you grabbed your cup and got up, pausing only to look at Sam but with less menace because, in all honesty, he wasn't the one that wouldn't let you sleep “See? That's why I didn't like falling in love! Before you know it you sacrifice everything that's important to you for the other one. From sleep to your favorite cake! At least back then I didn't have to share my bed with anyone, it was all mine. And gosh, I will forever mourn that last piece I didn't get to eat. See, back when we weren't together he would have never dared do something like that! Now he has the audacity to do than and think that makeup sex will solve everything.” you scoffed shaking your head before muttering “Have a good day Sammy.” and exiting the kitchen.

“You have a nice day, too, honey.” Dean said albeit a bit more hesitantly, voice small.

“Don't tell me what to do!” you yelled both so that he could hear you and so that he knew you were far from alright “And stay the fuck away from my leftover fries!”

“I- alright.” Dean let out a breath, eyes wide before he shook his head and cleared his throat “Ok, well, it's safe to say that we don't have to wonder or worry anymore, right? So, silver lining.”

“Well, that did look like an (Y/n) who hasn't slept well, so yes it's safe to say we can be sure about what troubles her. Though I don't think that you're far from done.”

“No, yeah, I had no such illusion.” Dean sighed, getting his cup and taking a sip “I'm definitely gonna be sleeping on the floor for the next week.”

“Hmm maybe make it two?”

[ifliamsmile]

Pull You In - Dick Grayson (Chapter One)

summary/request: Hey, are you taking requests? Would write one where the reader is also a detective like detective Grayson and she's there when Dick got arrested so she saves him from prison? Like a detective story;

pairing; Dick Grayson x Detective! Y/n

notes: This is one of the requests I loved the most so I decided to make a 3 chaps serie and I wanted to thank you so much to the anony who requested me this, it was really amazing to write and so fun.

Kane County Correctional Facility 

Dick Grayson, 24 Years Old. Occupation: Detective, Detroit Police Department (DPD). Charge: Assault on Federal Officer; 

Plea: Guilty. Sentence:  7 years, No Probation.

I read Dick’s file as I got in the car, heading to Illinois, where he was being kept as a prisoner. By having contacts in Kane County, I got to know that someone from Gotham City had arrived there and when I heard the name of the charged one, I soon pulled strings to be sent to his case. And there was I.

He rejected lawyers or any kind of defense, but I couldn’t let him. Working in Gotham City Police Department made me know him beyond that was safe for my career, but just like Jim Gordon, I did what I could to help him, whether he wore a mask or not, knowing Dick enough to understand that he didn’t deserve to be there. 

The sound of my boots hitted the jail’s floor while I headed to the  waiting room that he was in, entering the place as the new detective working on this case. Dick had his head down, leaning on his clenched hands against the table. Two guards waited for us behind the door.

“How did you manage to get here, Grayson?” He lifted his head to look at the talking voice, which happened to be mine.

“Y/n?”  He said and confusion took his facial expressions.

“Rejecting any defenses and accepting your sentence of seven years after purposely assaulting federals?” I talked to him while he stared at me in silence, lowering his head after the last phrase. “What happened, Dick? I can’t be fooled by this because it has nothing to do with who you are.”

“You wouldn’t understand.” was the only thing he said after my monologue.

“I need to understand, because I did what I couldn’t to get here to get you out. Why would you want to be here?” I looked at him deep in the eyes and took a deep breath to keep talking but we were interrupted by one of the guardsthat you recognized from being waiting outside the room.

“Detective Y/LN, the inmate must be extracted to his cell.”

“Sure. Give me a  minute to finish explaining his rights and he’s done.” I tried to make up some excuse to talk to Dick for the last time before he was taken and he left the room again, following my orders.

“Dick, you’re as detective as I am to know what will happen if you don’t accept your rights of defense.” He lifted from the chair.

“I’m sorry.” he said and I walked to him.  “I know what you’re doing and maybe if they discover that you’re trying to help me, your career will be done just like mine is now, so stop, I thank you, Y/n, for helping me here and in Gotham in every time I needed but.. I don’t wanna leave, I deserve to be here.” 

He was too close, I could feel his warm breath and by his tone of voice, a bit of anger, but I wasn’t scared, I was.. attracted;

“Guard. I’m ready.” He yelled to the guard with his eyes still locked on mine, 

“We are not done.” I told him and left the room before he did. 

I walked trying to contain my anger that insisted on growing. What the hell would make Dick Grayson end up in a jail? And worst..not wanting to get out. 

“You don’t get to tell you’re ready, you’re a prisoner. A fucking cop that got charged.” I heard the guard telling Dick  and laughing, so I slowed my steps. Dick just kept his usual silence, ignoring the twisted sense of humor of those assholes.. Those were definitely not people who deserved any response.

“He’ll only talk with the new detective.” one of the guards had the brilliant idea to speak up, sounding like a kind of perversion that Dick didn’t like at all 

“Very smart, actually, since she’s hotter than all the other detectives around here. I would give her a nice treatment” and then his teeth flashed the malice of his smile.

Dick was unable to control the flow of blood that went to his head, and before he knew it, anger was taking over his actions

“Shut up.” He shouted. His chest heaved and the angry tone was explicit. The two men opened their eyes wide, surprised as they had never been. 

The jailer was the first to laugh nervously, but at the same time ironic.

“What did you just say, Grayson?” The guard who had spoken of me with disrespect approached sneaky and threatening.

“I told you to shut up” Dick repeated boldly, keeping his head up and his tone steady. “Wash that fucking mouth before speaking about her again.” 

“All this bad behavior because you’re a Detective Grayson?” This time, the executioner was the one who spoke, threateningly approaching, as did the other guard. 

“So you were defending your girlfriend? You don’t have any perks here, do that again and I’ll put you on solitary.” the guard came even closer, commenting in a casually irritating tone. 

Dick struggled against the chains that bound him, advancing as far as he could toward the man. It was not very successful, however. Mainly because, in the next second I got there.

“You both won’t do a fucking thing, you hear me? One word of disrespect again and I’ll get you two fired in a matter of a second.” My voice exhaled anger and force, if the intention was getting these assholes scared, I successfully did, because they were silently listening to me; 

“This man has rights, so he’s going to be sent directly to his cell and I don’t wanna hear any words anymore or you’re going to deal with your superior, that happens to be me.”

I exchanged a meaningful look with Dick before the two jerks nodded at me and took him.

I needed to go to the Hotel and clear my mind, take a shower and rest. I’d be back tomorrow, I’d do the impossible but I would take him from there.

Dick Grayson had saved Gotham more than I could count. It was time to give it back.

[iicewitch]

☀️ cult of dionysus

a playlist for my friend caz link to playlist: here tracklist and favorite lyrics below

1. only as good as my god - everything everything And on the steps of my church There, I'm chasing down a red girl with my hooves upon a- Ooh - Wild Ooh - Child If they crawl out of the mud Wash them away in a flood I'm only as good as my god Burnt hair and more money 2. disciples - captain murphy Don't you want devoted followers? Who leave their families for you Give their money to you Give their bodies to you Give up their lives for you Consider you God, and will kill for you Don't you want to become a cult leader? Since the death of God there has been a vacancy open You can fill that void, here is how 3. dionysus - bts Just get drunk like Dionysus Drink in one hand, Thyrsus on the other Art splashing inside this clear crystal cup Art is alcohol too, if you can drink it, you'll get drunk fool I'm now in front of the door to the world The cheers I hear when I get up on stage Can’t you see my stacked broken thyrsus At last I’m reborn 4. good hand - turbowolf And I say No pain, no gain That's the mantra I'm repeating No sun, no rain That's the mantra I'm repeating No pain, no gain, no sun, no No pain, no gain, no sun, no rain 5. addicted to love - robert palmer Your lights are on, but you're not home Your will is not your own You're heart sweats and teeth grind Another kiss and you'll be mine 6. cult of dionysus - the orion experience Or start a secret society for the wild and free Our ideology is "You can do what you want Too much is never enough" We are the Life, we are the light We are the envy of the Gods above 7. hitting on all sevens - lyndon smith Make of me a subject caste Pressed and kept beneath thy glass Every heart thy sent in heaven Always hitting on all sevens One by one as ordered Flank to flank and facing forward Hanging by the word In chapter, verse and sentence heard 8. touch tone telephone - lemon demon Don't hang up yet, I'm not done I'm an expert, I'm the one The one who was right all along Better to be laughed at than wrong I'm an expert in my field UFOlogy, yes, it's all real Ancient aliens, it's all true I'm an expert just like you 9. sundial - lemon demon Don't mind me, I've just got some problems to work out I'm only passing through or maybe just right out Somehow something set my sundial backwards tilted and upside-down Now the shadow hand is pointing time right out of town I don't remember what it is that I just said to you I've got Anubis on my back and something in my shoe 10. mother’s talk - tears for fears It's not that you're not good enough It's just that we can make you better Given that you pay the price We can keep you young and tender Following in the footsteps of a funeral pyre You were paid not to listen now your house is on fire 11. light up the night - the protomen There is a city that this darkness can't hide. There are the embers of a fire that's gone out, But I can still feel the heat on my skin. This mess we're in, well you and I, Maybe you and I, We can light up the night. 12. pure morning - placebo A friend in need's a friend indeed, A friend who'll tease is better, Our thoughts compressed, Which makes us blessed, And makes for stormy weather, 13. aspiring fires - mother mother Baby, so you think you know crazy I think you know what you know, But what you know you don't know for sure A little advice for aspiring fires You'll get put out if you don't get a little wild Try again, try again, it ain't right You don't got the due diligence to lose your mind You're not getting it right 14. oh ana - mother mother I'll play god I'll play god I'll play god I'll play god today Ante up and play that god a poker game Walk away with all our little God's spare change Playing this god it can't be good for— Ana's safety, Ana hear me ! 15. this devil’s workday - modest mouse So I ate the wedding cake 'til the whole damn thing was gone. And I'm gonna drown the ocean. Now ain't none o' that so wrong? I could buy myself a reason. I could sell myself a job. I could hang myself on treason. Oh I am my own damn god. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha 16. kiss me son of god - they might be giants I look like Jesus, so they say But Mr. Jesus is very far away Now you're the only one here who can tell me if it's true That you love me and I love me And a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" Yes a world screams, "Kiss me, Son of God" 17. personal jesus - depeche mode Take second best Put me to the test Things on your chest You need to confess I will deliver You know I'm a forgiver 18. charlie’s inferno - that handsome devil Catch you later, I'm off to see the man upstairs They all look like ants from here Stars and crystal chandeliers Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I go to church on sunday, truly, usually more! Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door! 19. old 45s - chromeo Don't wanna settle Or didn't you get the memo You only get a date if you're walking in stilettos This is enough to drive you mad If you think romance is dead and gone Find an old jukebox full of 45's Pop a nickel in it and it all comes back 20. down at the midnight rectory - ted neeley Down, down, down at the midnight rectory! With jiggle juice frisking under the marquee! The peacocks are strutting behind velvet ropes, Sipping away on their heavenly dope. Gimme two alleluia's and an amen! 21. elevate - dj khalil Can't stop me, can't break me (can't break) What don't kill me, gon' make me (gon' make) Shoot for the stars, no safety (no safety) And now I see clear in HD 'Cause I win, over and over again Battlin' evil, I'm hopin' to win Fightin' my demons, I'm nice for a reason Enticed with the bleedin', I'm showin' my sins 22. come along - cosmo sheldrake We'll dance and sing 'til sundown And feast with abandon We'll sleep when the morning comes And we'll rise by the sound of the birdsongs We'll be here when the world slows down And the sunbeams fade away Keeping time by a pendulum As the fabric starts to fray 23. just one yesterday - fall out boy I thought of angels Choking on their halos Get them drunk on rose water See how dirty I can get them Pulling out their fragile teeth And clip their tiny wings If heaven's grief brings hell's rain Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday 24. church - fall out boy And if death is the last appointment Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom If you were church, yeah I'd get on my knees Confess my love, I'd know where to be My sanctuary, you're holy to me 25. beast dance - kurage p Cast aside your humanity, before you have to grovel on the ground, being at the bottom of society. You want to be loved? In that case, come on. ”Roar roar roar roar roar roar” Inside the cage, ‘kay? 26. black and white - MASA Pour the gospel echoing through the world into your glass. Black&White! Practice your faith through shots and prayers. Open the bottle. Black&White! 27. sister’s mercy - hitoshizuku-p Jesus!! Pray and pray Believer, if you demand for salvation Oh Yeah!! Then pay up more and more for this Bright Red, now! Cheers!! Pour and pour When you’ve filled your stomach with this bright Red, Aa! All your wishes will come true 28. inferno pt. 2 - the buttress The depth of my breadth is unmet I'm becoming unraveled on the road less traveled I know Jesus wept But I abhor the Lord Fell on my sword Forever slept 29. let’s just live - casey lee williams Let's just live Just one day Let's forget about our problems Let's fall in love with life And just be free The sun will never fade The night won't steal our day Let's dance and laugh and love And let's just live 30. ignite - casey lee williams Fool, you shouldn't stare into these eyes of fire You're goin' to regret this little fight You don't wanna mess with me, I'm something higher You'll watch yourself suffer You'll watch me ignite 31. god’s gonna cut you down - johnny cash Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand Workin' in the dark against your fellow man But as sure as God made black and white What's down in the dark will be brought to the light 32. royals - lorde Let me be your ruler (Ruler) You can call me queen bee And baby, I'll rule (I'll rule, I'll rule, I'll rule) Let me live that fantasy 33. you should see me in a crown - billie eilish Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I'm gonna run this nothing town Watch me make 'em bow One by one by, one One by one by You should see me in a crown 34. rev 22:20 - puscifer Pray til I go blind (Pray) Pray cause no one ever survives Prayin' to stay in her arms just to die longer Satyrs and saints, devils and heathens and lies 35. this must be the place - talking heads Home, is where I want to be But I guess I'm already there I come home, she lifted up her wings I guess that this must be the place I'm just an animal looking for a home and Share the same space for a minute or two And you love me till my heart stops Love me till I'm dead 36. razzle dazzle -  richard gere Give 'em the old razzle dazzle Razzle Dazzle 'em Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it And the reaction will be passionate Give 'em the old hocus pocus Bead and feather 'em How can they see with sequins in their eyes? 37. you’ll be back - jonathan groff You say our love is draining and you can't go on You'll be the one complaining when I am gone And no, don't change the subject 'Cause you're my favorite subject My sweet, submissive subject My loyal, royal subject Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever 38. no light, no light - florence and the machine No light, no light in your bright blue eyes I never knew daylight could be so violent A revelation in the light of day You can't choose what stays and what fades away 'Cause it's so easy, To say it to a crowd But it's so hard, my love, To say it to you out loud 39. shiny happy people - r.e.m Meet me in the crowd, people, people Throw your love around, love me, love me Take it into town, happy, happy Put it in the ground where the flowers grow Gold and silver shine Shiny happy people holding hands Shiny happy people holding hands Shiny happy people laughing 40. a good song never dies - saint motel There was a moment, a hole opened in the sky A chance to join that pantheon For all the times they never heard your battle cry Now be an angel, sing along 'Cause a good song never dies It just reminds you of where you were The first time it made you cry The first time you felt alive 41. king of the clouds - panic at the disco Some only live to die, I'm alive to fly higher Than angels in outfields inside of my mind I'm ascendin' these ladders, I'm climbin', say goodbye This old world, this old world I don't trust anything Or anyone, below the sun I don't feel anything At all 42. battle for the sun - placebo I, I, I will battle for the sun, sun, sun, sun And I, I, I, I am the bones you couldn't break Break, break, break, break, break, break, break 43. walk like an egyptian - the bangles All the school kids so sick of books They like the punk and the metal band When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh) They're walking like an Egyptian All the school kids so sick of books They like the punk and the metal band When the buzzer rings (oh whey oh) They're walking like an Egyptian 44. credens justitiam - yuriko kaida and eri itoh Free, they are With no malice they sing quietly And they told me that my song was louder/lighter Their song Releases the day of all malice I want to be like them And my mind (their minds are) Free 45. 99.9 - mob choir The protagonist of this stage is me Cryin' my life, cryin' my psyche Cryin' my heart in such commonplaces Is this my ideal? Is this my mind? Ahh, I’m looking for the answer ! 46. cruel angels thesis - yoko takahasi But someday you will notice On those shoulders of yours There are strong wings To guide you to the far future. If there is any meaning In the fate that pulled us together, Then I am, yes, the Bible That teaches you of freedom. A cruel angel's thesis And then sorrow comes forth 47. peace and love on the planet earth - zach callison I guess we're already here I guess we already know We've all got something to fear We've all got nowhere to go I think you're all insane! But I guess I am too Is there anything that's worth more? Is there anything that's worth more? Is there anything that's worth more Than peace and love on the planet Earth? 48. now we can see - the thermals We were born in the desert We were reared in a cave We conquered in the sun but we lived in the shade We were born on an island we grew out of the sand Never saw another creature never knew another man 49. love today - mika I said Everybody's gonna love today Gonna love today, gonna love today I said Everybody's gonna love today Gonna love today Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to Love, love me, love, love me, love, love 50. where is my mind? - the pixies With your feet on the air and your head on the ground Try this trick and spin it, yeah Your head will collapse If there's nothing in it And you'll ask yourself .. Where is my mind? Where is my mind?

[catbowserauthor]

After Seven Years DBZ AU Fanfiction

So, this whole story branched from this beautiful picture:

As far as I know, this is the artist's website: https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=50521500

And my own belief that the scene in the anime where Gohan see his father again after him being dead for 7 years needed a lot more impact than it did. Anyone that knows my writing knows that I am an utter sucker for the father-son relationship between Goku and Gohan. So here's my take on an alternative version of their reunion after seven years in the Buu Saga:

**

It was a day of new experiences for everyone.

 Gohan, for all his experience fighting, had never been to a Tournament. Well, aside from the Cell Games and the less he thought about that, the better. That day would forever be burned in his mind and he’d no desire to linger on it today. This was a day to be celebrated.

 His father was coming back.

 One day, he said. 24 hours.

 It could have been five minutes and that would have been enough. Any time was enough after seven years.

 Seven years. Seven years that didn’t have to be. Seven years that wouldn’t have been if I had just—

 Shaking his head, Gohan fought the thoughts. They still came, frequently. He’d grown rather accustomed to them and usually focused on distracting himself. Here, with his father so close, with their old friends gathered, the thoughts began to rapid fire.

  Look how many people have gathered just to see Dad. Look how many lives he touched, look how many people long to see him again if only for a few moments.

 Look how many lives you ruined .

 Shaking his head again, Gohan grasped his sunglasses and pressed them harder against his face. So many people had asked about his outfit, about why that and why not a gi. They knew he had one.

 His answer was partially truthful. He did think the outfit was a neat one. After all, how many people got to dress up as a superhero? How many people got to BE a superhero?

 There was something else to it too though that he didn’t touch on, that he didn’t want to touch on.

 He hadn’t earned a gi.

 Not in front of his father. It was one thing to train with a Goten but he and his father...

 After what he...

 No. He had no right to a gi.

 “Gohan?”

 Looking down, he spied Goten tugging on his pant leg. “What’s up, squirt?”

 “Are you okay,” Goten narrowed his eyes. “Your ki feels funny.”

 Krillin, not too far ahead, laughed. “It’s gonna feel funny, kiddo. Your brother hasn’t seen your dad in seven years! YOUR ki feels funny too!”

 Goten looked up at his mother, “Is that bad?”

 ChiChi smiled. “No, sweetie. It just means you’re nervous and that’s okay. But just you wait, your dad is going to love you.”

 Goten nodded, though he hardly seemed convinced and stuck as close to ChiChi’s leg as he could. Gohan gave him a nod of reassurance but was fearful his mom was handling that. Normally, he would have been babbling about how much Dad would be so excited to find out he had a second son but right now, he didn’t have the emotional energy for it.

 Gohan shifted his eyes to the left. He still couldn’t believe Piccolo came but maybe he should not have been so surprised. For all the airs the Namekian put on not being emotional or caring about his father, Gohan saw right through it.

 “...they weren’t able to bring him back?”

 His mother’s voice through his thoughts and he had to admit, the crack and tremble in it was mirrored in his own heart. It was possible after all. The rules of the afterlife were pretty strict and while Goku had certainly earned his fair share of bending them, what if he WASN’T able to come?

 The disappointment crashed on his heart like a battlefield. So long and all he wanted was a moment, a simple single moment...

 Yamcha and Krillin, as always, pasted a smile with reassurances “No worries, we’ll go comb the area.”

 “Good idea...”

 The sound of displaced air was unmistakable. It was a sound Gohan had grown accustomed to both in training and in every day life. The distinct sound of instant transmission.

 A turn, a shift of the feet and there he was.

 Standing there, not ten feet away, a goofy smile, the small old gi and Baba floating by his side. If not for the halo above his head, you might have thought he was just returning from a fishing trip. “Hey guys! I’m back!”

 Voice was the same. Eyes the same. Face the same. Posture the same. Nothing different. Just like it had been the morning of the Cell Games. How he’d laughed during breakfast on the Lookout and set Gohan up on his shoulders for a bit while they waited. How he’d grinned up at him and talked about showing him where the biggest fish swam once the day was over.

 The fishing trip they never got to take.

 Grandpa had shown him, said there was only one place Goku could have been talking about. He’d been right and the fish had been humongous and just right for a good fish fry. But without Goku there to show him and laugh with him and say how much Gohan resembled a drowned monkey, it wasn’t the the same; the fish had tasted coarse and dry despite nothing being different about seasoning or preparation.

 Fish still tasted coarse to him.

 “Goku!”

“Wow...pinch me.”

“Welcome back!”

 Gohan heard them, saw them. He saw them trembling, sobbing, fighting to keep in their tears. His father, here again...

 “So...are you guys just going to stand there and stare at me all day?”

 It was like a switch was thrown and suddenly everyone...Krillin, Yamcha, Bulma, Oolong...they all rushed Goku as if he would vanish any moment. Amid tears, sobbing and choked voices, his father’s voice rang out over all else, clear as a bell.

 Yet, he couldn’t find himself moving. He felt frozen in place. He was vaguely aware of his mother saying how much she missed him and Dad saying he missed her too and then...

 “I think there’s a little me hiding behind your leg ChiChi.”

 Of course. Goten.

 Prying his eyes away from his father—his here-in-front-of-him father—he saw his little brother lay eyes on their father for the first time.

 Because of you.  He only knows him as stories and tales because of you.

 “...I’m Goten.”

 He has to introduce himself because his father doesn’t know him because of you.

 “And I’m Goku. Hey!”

 Your own father was robbed of knowing his second child because of you.

 Goten stood there, half hidden a good second or two more, unsure, reluctant, before finally rushing out in a rapid ‘do it all out or not at all’ dash.

 He doesn’t know how great Dad is because of you.

  He’s afraid to approach him because he’s a stranger.

 And he’s a stranger BECAUSE OF YOU.

 “ Hey...Gohan. Aren’t you gonna say hello?”

 It was like he was hearing it through water. He saw his father put Goten down and he was vaguely aware of Mother saying “Go on, Gohan.” Yet he stayed rooted in place, as if bound to the earth.

 “...are you mad at me, Gohan?” The slight pout and pain in Goku’s voice was impossible to miss.

 Mad? Mad at HIM? What did I have to be mad at him about?

 At himself, sure. But at Dad...no. No.

 “You sure shot up like a weed! You’re a giant!”

 Oh if he’d been there...

 Your fault! YOU’RE the reason he wasn’t there!

 “You’re looking well, Gohan. Been showing Goten to eat all those veggies?”

 Yes. Yes, I have. I hated it but swallowed them and put on a strong face because you weren’t there to do it, Dad.

 Because of YOU!

 “You look like you could keep right on up with me! Piccolo and Vegeta been keeping you on your toes?”

 Yes. My style is a mix of them and yours. I tried to keep it just yours. I fought to keep it just yours but the more I sparred with them, the more it changed and I lost it and oh Dad, I’m so sorry...

 BECAUSE OF YOU!

 “Sure have missed all of you. Especially you, little man.”

 That word. The one stupid, little phrase.

 It all came flooding back in images and sounds and smells...

 Hey, that was a good left hook, little man.

  Bit too slow, little man, tighten your stance.

  Aw, your mom’ll love the flowers, little man.

 Not a bad try, little man. You’re so close to Super Saiyan. Let’s go again.

  I don’t care if your fifty, you’re always gonna be my little man.

 Like water through a broken dam, Gohan’s feet were suddenly moving, slam, slam, slam against the ground. He pushed his sunglasses up against his forehead, cursing the tears that made his whole vision misty but he could still see the blurry form of black and orange and he leapt for it.

 Strong arms wrapped around him and Gohan clamped his own arms around that neck so tightly that a lesser man would have fallen.

 But his father was not a lesser man.

 Gohan buried his face into the side of Goku’s neck, tears freely flowing down his face now and he dug his fingers into that familiar gi and yes, yes, yes, he was here.

 “I’m sorry,” Gohan found himself saying and it mattered not that he was nearly a grown man himself. Right now, all that guilt, all that pain that he had repressed and let scab over the last seven years was raw and fresh and he might as well had been a little boy again. “I’m so sorry, Daddy.”

 Goku’s hands glided upward, pushed the bandana away (Goten would catch both it and the sunglasses as they fell) and ruffled that head of black hair. “Sorry? What do you have to be sorry about?”

 “...my fault.” He murmured into his father’s neck and only Goku and perhaps Piccolo could make it out. “All my fault. That you’ve missed all this. My fault.”

 “Little man. No.” Goku kept his time low and the others, out of respect had backed away. “No, none of this was your fault.”

 “My fault.” He repeated. “I did all this to us. My fault.”

 “Gohan.” There was a sharpness to Goku’s tone, one rarely heard. “Are you listening to me?”

 He nodded, slightly against his father’s neck but didn’t move otherwise.

 “Good cause I know you’re smart.” Goku gently pushed Gohan away, just slightly so he could look at his face. A face bright red with tears staining his cheeks. “I don’t blame you and neither does anyone else. You did the best that you could and that’s all I’ll ever ask you to do.” He rested a hand on his son’s cheek, gently rubbing at a few loose tears. “I’m here now, for today. So let’s appreciate that, okay?”

 That warm smile, the genuineness of those words. Gohan didn’t know if he could ever believe them, entirely. If those voices of guilt would ever be utterly silenced. If his heart would ever stop hurting completely.

 But for today, with his father here, he could pretend.

[blouisparadise]

We received an anon request for bottom Louis/top Harry fics that are smutty and 15k words or less, so here you go! These are in order by length.

Enjoy this VERY long rec list!!

1) Give and Take | Explicit | 1837 words

Sometimes Louis just needs.

2) Precious Little Diamond (I’ll Give It All To You) | Explicit | 2044 words

Alpha!Harry/omega!Louis PWP written for this textpost: Established relationship H/L with alpha!Harry just popping his knot in omega!louis and it’s his favourite part; just laying down and cuddling as they mate but louis just wriggles around in his lap until he can grab his xbox controller and starts playing video games with Harry still inside him and Harry’s like “??!?????!???!!!???” And louis’ like “oh shush it takes forever” and scores a goal on the game

3) Lips Are Like The Galaxy’s Edge | Explicit | 2360 words

Harry licks over Louis’ hole slowly, deliberately, and his tongue is like velvet and Louis’ skin is burning at every junction where Harry touches him and it’s all so good he thinks he might cry. He licks a few more times, moaning softly like he’s relishing the taste of Louis and that’s just, well, fuck.

4) Louder Louder | Explicit | 2931 words

There's really only one way to get Louis out of a mood this terrible, and Harry is prepared to sacrifice his entire evening if necessary.

5) Reckless | Explicit | 3028 words

Harry thinks it's criminal, the way Louis looks in his suit, sharp and expensive.

The feeling's mutual, judging by the way that (at his mother's wedding, no less) Louis leans in and says, "I bet you can fuck me without ruining that suit."

Harry does his best.

6) Handprints And Good Grips | Explicit | 3330 words

Harry wants to pull them down and suck him off. Harry wants to never take them off and eat him out over the lace. Harry wants to push them aside and fuck the imprint right into Louis’ body.

7) Lagrangian Point | Explicit | 4055 words

They find each other again the night of Valentine's Day.

8) It’s Your Soul That I’m Caught In Yet You Don’t Hear Me Call Your Name | Mature | 4433 words

The one in which Harry goes out for a run in the early morning rain without telling Louis and Louis wakes up alone, cold and needy.

9) Painless With Immense Distance | Not Rated | 3793 words

“You know when we talked about kinks and stuff awhile back and you said you wanted to try something?” Harry continues with a devious grin. Louis’s a bit lost and he tries to think about exactly what Harry is thinking about which honestly could be a handful of things.

“Prostate massage?” Harry asks like it’s as common as the sky is blue.

10) All That Glitters Is Gold | Explicit | 4505 words

Louis is an exotic dancer in a club that is really, really not Harry's scene, but there's something about gold skin shimmering with glitter and a perfect bum in tiny shorts swaying around on a stripper pole that's simply magnetic. If shy little Harry becomes a regular here, then that's his business. And if Louis develops a soft spot for his favorite gentlemanly patron, then that's his business too.

11) Feel The Need | Explicit  | 4898 words

Louis and Harry attend Liam's Halloween party. Risky Business ensues.

12) In That Bright White Noise | Explicit | 5060 words

Blind dates are usually destined to go terribly, so Louis doesn't exactly trust his friends when they say they've set him up with Gemma's younger brother, Harry, at an evening bonfire they're attending. Luckily, Harry's much hotter and kinder than Louis thought he'd be, which is a relief. He's also really fucking good at sex, which is just a wonderful bonus.

13) Hook’s Intention | Explicit | 5156 words

Harry hadn’t realized what, exactly, being the Captain Hook to Louis’ Peter Pan would entail.

14) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

15) Oops, I Like You | Explicit | 5571 words

He thrives in the attention, at the knowledge he makes these boys with their tattooed dicks and pierced whatevers, so hot and bothered. These boys with their confident smirks and broad shoulders and hands, touching Louis wherever they can. Louis reduces them all to a wet, moaning, mess, every time.

Usually he doesn’t see those guys again. It’s not generally part of the plan.

But then Harry tightens his grip on the back of Louis’ neck and Louis ducks his head to taste the sweat beading under Harry’s chin, kissing the ink curling up Harry’s neck, then kissing his way down to get his mouth on the god forsaken nipple piercings. He listens to the way Harry breathes his name, and for the first time silently asks, Can I keep him?

16) Incalescent | Explicit | 5649 words

The onset of heat is something Louis still hasn’t learned to recognize.

17) Folded Up All Pretty (Fit Into You) | Explicit | 5655 words

“Missed me?” Harry laughs into his mouth, and it ought to be awkward with the way Louis’ tongue pushes at his teeth and the stretched out corners of his mouth, but really, it isn’t.

18) ‘Cause Lately I’ve Been Waking Up Alone | Explicit / 5667 words

Harry gives Louis a very special sex toy for an early birthday present, and Louis uses it on Skype when Harry's in LA.

19) Power Inside | Explicit | 5861 words

Louis wrinkles his nose and pokes Harry again. “You want a baby,” he repeats.

Again, Harry frowns. “Uh, yeah, Lou, I want a baby. So do you.”

Where is this even going. Harry honestly has no clue.

Abruptly, Louis stops frowning and practically throws himself off of Harry, splaying himself out on his side of the bed, arms spread wide. “Okay. Let’s make a baby, then.”

Can eyebrows get permanently attached to a hairline? Harry has a feeling he’s going to find out. “You do realize - ” he starts.

“Yes, Harry, I realize,” Louis says, stroking his fingers over the inside of his own thigh, ruking his shorts up. “You gonna shut up about it and give me a baby or am I gonna have to go out and find someone else to fulfill my deepest desires?”

He’s a nutjob. He’s a complete nutjob. Harry’s in love with a complete nutjob.

20) Throw Me In The Deep End | Mature | 5914 words

The one where Harry is a very ferocious pirate captain and Louis is a mighty scoundrel in need of some good dicking.

21) Heart Beats Slow (I Wish You) | Explicit | 6011 words

The one where Louis loves panties and Harry loves Louis.

22) Spark A New Flame | Explicit | 6100 words

Louis is nineteen, Harry is twenty-one, and it's not all that hard to figure out what happens when they both go clubbing.

23) Want It All The Time, Need It Every Day (Explicit | 6306 words

Louis visits LA a week before the boys head to Australia for On The Road Again.

He and Harry have some catching up to do.

24) Like You Hate Me | Explicit | 6541 words

“You have poor taste for someone with the last name Styles,” he says, turning to show the back of his pants to Harry—the pants Harry had just stitched his name across last night to keep this type of thing from happening again.

Of course, he’s accomplished nothing but indirectly making himself pop a stiffy over Louis fucking Tomlinson.

25) You Drive Me Wild (You Know You Do) | Explicit | 6632 words

Louis flirts with the Australian interviewers and Harry gets possessive.

26) Once Like A Spark | Explicit | 6789 words

Louis is a bartender, and Harry is just his type.

27) Glimpse Of The Silhouettes | Explicit | 7181 words

Harry isn't sure what the rules are for this. It's hard to believe that there are any, that's there's a handbook just waiting for him to buy: why is my best mate getting hard in my lap when I touch his arse?

28) Back Where I Belong | Explicit | 7217 words

Harry’s trying to have a conversation with Nick, who he hasn’t seen in nearly three months, but the way Nick’s eyes keep darting over his shoulder every few seconds is quite distracting.

It’s ironic, because at least a quarter of the reason that he’s even talking to Nick in the first place is because he needs a distraction. He’s all too aware of exactly what’s going on behind his back.

Nick is the one who finally brings it up. “Do you think he’s doing it to spite you?”

“He’s definitely doing it to spite me,” Harry answers tightly, resisting the urge to crane his neck around so he can see. He clutches his drink a little tighter, trying to keep his tenuous control over his own movements.

29) There’s Magic In This Life | Explicit | 7326 words

Harry comes out to the band as bisexual on a Tuesday.

30) A Virgin To That Money | Explicit | 7366 words

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can't find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

31) That Ugly Ass Yellow Shirt | Explicit | 7502 words | Sequel 1 | Sequel 2 | Sequel 3

"This," says Louis, holding up a shirt from the box, "is the ugliest fucking shirt I've ever seen."

32) Rated R | Explicit | 7635 words

Louis gifts Harry with a surprise sex tape, and it accidentally makes its way into Harry's family Christmas party. Ridiculousness ensues.

33) Read You Like A Book | Explicit | 8089 words

Louis realises Harry can read his mind. He'll do anything to make Harry admit it. Set during the North American leg of the WWA tour.

34) Love To Make Him Moan | Explicit | 8106 words

Note: This fic is locked to AO3 users.

They fuck like they're sex starved, when they're really, really not.

35) Cease the Day | Explicit | 8195 words

In which 1D Day takes on a whole new meaning.

Instead of a seven hour livestream, the One Direction team deem it more profitable to offer an entire day spent with any one member of the band for the highest bidder. What happens when the same buyer wins both Louis and Harry for a day?

36) Forever, Uninterrupted | Explicit | 8578 words

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks.

37) Makes Perfect | Explicit | 8610 words

"What if you practiced on like, a mannequin?" Louis presses. "Or one of those blow up sex dolls? Or even just like, I don't know, a pillow or something. Whatever it'd fit around."

Harry tilts his head thoughtfully, curls catching the light so entrancingly that Louis finds himself reaching up to push his fingers through them. "It's different, though, innit? When it's a real person. A pillow won't snog me."

"Why should it?" says Louis. "You can't even take its bra off."

38) Make A Run, Cause Some Rebellion | Explicit | 8824 words

As a general rule, kitten hybrids are small and disinterested in what other people want them to do, slightly evil and at least a little manipulative. Louis prides himself on being all of those things to varying degrees, but especially on being uninterested in what other people tell him to do. He’s still human goddammit, despite his pointy ears and penchant for curling up in the sun and taking naps.

He’s going about his daily business, knocking things over where he sees fit and leaving a trail of mess in his wake. As exasperated as it makes Liam he’s used to it by now, having shared a flat with Louis for almost three years now, and if Louis whines enough he’ll even clean up after him. It’s a great life, really.

With the exception of Liam’s stupid, broad shouldered, entirely too big mate, the one who always comes over to watch sports with him. Louis hates that guy. His hair is always greasy and he brings weird hipster beer with him when he comes that tastes like shit. And he won’t even let Louis have any of it, either. The only reason Louis even knows what it tastes like is because one time he stole a bottle from the fridge and fled to his room before Harry could catch him.

39) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

40) We Wreak Havoc With Our Hearts | Explicit | 9417 words

Harry finds that he can't keep things separate; neither can Louis.

41) Come A Little Closer | Explicit | 9867 words

Louis puts on lingerie. It's not, like, a thing.

42) Just Walk My Way | Explicit | 10271 words

Louis is a Victoria's Secret Angel, and Harry is the main act of the night.

43) Anything Goes | Explicit | 10275 words

Harry probably shouldn't be amused that Louis has a death grip on his hand and is dragging away from an event that, you know, they should be at. And he still probably shouldn't have that god awful smirk plastered to his face when Louis shoves him into the bathroom and steps in before locking the door.

44) You Are My Favorite Place | Explicit | 10347 words

It had gutted Harry when he saw the headlines splashed across the gossip rags, the ones proclaiming the house he planned to make their home in LA was a bachelor pad. With both of them doing more producing and writing, Harry knew that they would need a place here so they wouldn't have to travel so much. As soon as he'd seen it and how remote it was, he knew it would be perfect.

It was so much more than some stupid bachelor pad.

45) Right Side of the Wrong Bed | Explicit | 10902 words

The one where Louis wakes up on the wrong couch only to meet his future husband (even if Harry doesn't know it yet).

46) Bite | Explicit | 10980 words

Louis is a vampire hunter, and Harry is too happy being his prey.

47) The Sweat On Your Skin | Explicit | 11014 words

Louis is certain there's no better way to come down from a post-gym high than a naked romp in the bed with his favorite workout partner.

48) Gnossiene | Explicit | 11276 words

Louis sets a challenge for himself; it gets a bit out of hand.

49) Can’t Blame Gravity | Explicit | 11931 words

Note: Mentions of bottom Harry.

That time in 2015, when Harry went MIA around Louis’ birthday.

50) End Of The World Tonight | Explicit | 12069 words

“You remember when you told me that you wanted to live with me for the rest of your life?” Louis asks. His voice trembles a bit, exposing exactly how much he hates what he’s about to do. How much he wishes that he wasn’t about to do it.

“I remember,” Harry says. His expression is a little lost, like he thinks that they’re about to have a fight and he’s not sure what they’re supposed to be fighting about. Louis closes his eyes because he has to, has to take a second to regain his courage. He can’t keep doing this. He can’t keep suffering, can’t keep killing himself trying to hide this. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time.

51) Won’t See It Coming Til It’s Already Gone | Explicit | 12631 words

“Tell me that this is a fake,” Peter says, slapping a handful of papers against Louis’ chest. He says something else, something loud and demanding, barely even pausing for a breath, but Louis doesn’t hear it. All he hears is the sound of his own breathing, the sound of his own heartbeat.

Because this - this looks like a marriage certificate.

For a minute, everything stills, quiets. Louis drags his eyes up, meets Harry’s gaze, fixed on him.

Then the noise is back, shouting voices clamoring to be heard over each other, and Harry is still staring at him.

The ring that Louis hadn’t been able to stop noticing in the loo weighs heavily on his hand. His left hand.

52) Doesn’t Have To Be A Real Thing | Explicit | 12532 words

In which Harry helps Louis get over his ex and it kind of becomes a regular thing. It’s totally casual – they have an understanding. But what happens to Harry when Nick reappears in Louis’ life?

53) Let’s Take the World By Storm | Explicit | 14656 words

Harry lifts his head off Louis' chest to look at Louis' face. "What's that supposed to mean?"

“I don’t know, but our sex life feels a bit boring, ‘sall,” Louis says, completely avoiding eye contact.

“Boring.” Harry says flatly. He doesn’t say anything more, and Louis looks up to see that Harry seems to be mulling it over.

“Yeah, boring," Louis says, and keeps talking before Harry can pipe up. “I mean, think about it. We’ve been dating since X Factor, and now things are starting to drag a bit. We don’t even have the time for handjobs anymore, much less actual sex.”

54) Put It On Me | Explicit | 14890 words

Harry's bachelor party doesn't go as planned.

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[terresdebrumestories]

Chapter 9/24: Shatter

✗ TECHNICAL DETAILS

FANDOM: Marvel’s MCU SERIES: SEADLA Verse, version 2.0 RATING: Mature WORDCOUNT: 3 822 PAIRING(S): - CHARACTER(S): Tony Stark, Loki, Anansi, Coyote, Nick Fury, Tony’s therapist and the rest of the avengers in the background. GENRE: Breaking points. TRIGGER WARNING(S): Mentions of suicide and generally low self esteem (Check the AO3 listing for a glimpse of what’s to come). SUMMARY: In which Tony should probably have watched his mouth, but then it would only have delayed the unavoidable.

DEDICATION(S): As always, to the first version’s readers, to the people who leave comments on the fic three years after its last update, and to 2012!me, who needed to write this fic a lot.

SEADLA ON TUMBLR: [Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8]

“I’m not sure what to do about my friend,” Tony admits almost before he sits down for his first session after the Big Bang.

 It’s a bit of a liberation to say it—allows him to release tension he’s been trying hard not to think about for the past week.

The thing is, this thing with Lorna—it’s starting to feel very date-like. Tony tried to think about it from another angle, told himself this is a normal friendly thing to do—going on outings, giving each other support and weird gifts and spending who knows how much energy in magic just so you can see the beginning of life together. But, well. It didn’t work.

And the thing is, even if Tony manages to get his own brain under control—even if he’s just being confused over nothing and he really isn’t interested in being anything more than friends with Lorna, who’s to say she feels the same? It’s not that Tony really think he’s irresistible, but Lorna is a complicated person and she’s proven she could go for the most unexpected moves already, what if, for some reason, she starts feeling different about Tony?

 “In what way?” Maybe-Kevin asks, and Tony groans.

 Before he went to therapy—before he thought he’d ever need it, before he really believed in it—if you’d asked him how it worked, he’d have expected the patient to be this pathetic, permanent mess always on the verge of collapsing in tears. He’s learned better since then—although he’d be lying if he said he’s happy about the knowledge—and while the emotional mess part of things is familiar to him by now, it’s not exactly an accurate reflection of his existence.

When he started thinking about this—when Pepper put her foot down and forced him to get some kind of help—he sort of expected whoever would be in charge of his case, he more or less would be attending a class. He’d sit in an impersonal office and be expected to be quiet while some schmuck told him how to deal with his life, his problems, his emotions.

He loathed the idea, of course.

 As it turns out, though, the actual practice of therapy is both a lot less frustrating and a lot more so. He’s not expected to sit down and let people do what needs to be done here—it’s a relief, really. After years and years of following Stain’s instructions only to discover the guy wanted him dead in the end, after years of waiting for Pepper’s instructions to decide on anything—whether he followed them or not—it’s nice to have a space where the expectations he has to meet are kept to a minimum.

On the other hand, now he’s got to figure things out for himself, without guideline or instruction manual and, much like inventing a whole new world of robotics or creating a new chemical element, it’s grueling, hard, occasionally mind-numbingly dull work. Who knew being your own person—knowing what you want, what you need, what you’re going to do, and whether and how these three things overlaps—took so much effort?

 “I...kind of wanted to kiss them last week.”

 Only for a moment, a simple impulse easily contained to that one second between the moment Tony said goodbye and the moment Lorna turned away and left in a flash of green light. It was still there, though, and Tony hasn’t been able to think of anything else for most of the week.

 “Okay,” maybe-Gavin says with a nod that doesn’t completely conceal his surprise, “and how do you feel about that?”

 In all honesty, Tony was kind of hoping he’d get his answer here—he can probably figure things out himself, but it would be nice, sometimes, not to have to do so much soul-searching to get it. It’s probably what normal feels like. ‘Normal’, for better or for worse, has never really been him, though, so Tony sighs and tries to sort his own thoughts out before they tumble out of him.

The thing is, he does better with clear lines. His relationship to Pepper was—is—a constant stream of what-are-we-s, where do we stand with each other, where do we want to go, what do we want to do. Every day came with its lot of surprises and Tony liked it that way—loathes the idea of routine with a fiery passion—but underneath it all, the whims and caprices and fights and abrupt changes, there was always this certitude that Pepper was there for Tony and would continue to be there, just like he’s firmly decided to always be there for her, sloppy as the results may be.

 Lorna isn’t even Lorna all the time. She’s a woman and then a man and she could probably be someone in between if she wanted. She’s there for Tony, but sometimes she isn’t and she doesn’t sound concerned about it—she gets him and she’s helping him through one of the roughest patches of his life in a way no one else manages despite their best effort, but when Tony talks about the other things he does—his projects for Stark Enterprise, the latest progresses in robotics, the occasional reports on charity work—Lorna’s interest turns from earnest to polite, like she couldn’t be less concerned about the work of Tony’s life.

There’s no labels with Lorna, and that’s liberating—that means Tony doesn’t have to conform to the expectations that come with them—but then there’s also no certitude with her, and that is surprisingly terrifying.

 “I don’t know,” Tony says at last, figuring the answer to his therapist’s question as he talks, “I—we haven’t really defined our relationship at all. I don’t even know if they think we’re friends or...I don’t know. And I mean, it’s great that we’re...flexible, I suppose? But it also means I don’t know where the limits are. I don’t know if I’d be jeopardizing something if I indulged in the impulse or—or even just talked about it.”

 He thinks there’s a friendship to lose there. Hopes there is. But there’s no telling, really, and Tony wishes—not for the first time—people could be as simple as machines.

Machines—robots, even Jarvis—they don’t ask for more than you can give. They don’t give you the disappointed puppy face Tony has seen on Steve far too many times, don’t sigh in despair and worry like Rhodey has from the very beginning of his relationship with Tony, and they certainly don’t splutter the way Pepper does when she’s too flabbergasted for words.

(Machines have never pushed Tony away without looking at him, sighing about being busy and for the butler to remove the nuisance in the same breath.)

 “So,” maybe-Rodin starts, carefully filling the silence that follows Tony’s words, “am I correct in understanding that you’re frightened at the idea of losing that friend, should you try to redefine your relationship?”

“Yeah,” Tony mumbles, studiously avoiding the therapist’s eyes, “something like that. I just don’t want to mess up.”

 Tony has a grand total of seven friends—four he created himself, two of the most long-sufferingly loyal people on earth, one who’s been a central point of Tony’s daddy issues since long before they met, and another who mostly started talking to him because Tony reminded him of his brother.

Plus, of course, said brother—sister, sibling, whichever Tony is supposed to use—who is a great support but may or may not be a friend in the end.

Excepting the four non-biological ones, they’ve all gotten more trouble than anything else out of their acquaintance with Tony—it’s a miracle they haven’t left already, one he’s keenly aware of. What happens if Tony messes things up with Lorna, babbles about it to the wrong person—or one too many times, or in the wrong way—and throws things in jeopardy there as well?

 “I just wish Loki wasn’t such a complicated person,” Tony sighs, “or that I was better at dealing with it, I don’t know.”

 Truth be told, it’d be nice if Tony were a nicer, worthier person to be acquainted with—he wouldn’t be worried about Pepper deciding this...thing...with Loki is the final straw, or about Thor refusing to talk to him over some kind of backward standard he may or may not have. If he were a better person, he wouldn’t have to be worried about ending up alone again, stranded in his life the way he was at MIT, except this time there would be no Rhodey to take pity on him and rescue him from his own foolishness—no Pepper, no Thor, not even Fury to pick him up and help him sort through his own mess.

Then again, if he were a better person, maybe Tony wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of problems to begin with—would deal with his own mess instead of imposing them on his friends. Maybe it wouldn’t be enough to keep them around, but at least he wouldn’t be gambling with his life—his place with the Avengers, his place in society at large, everything he’s ever created—for someone as volatile as Loki.

 “Shit,” he admits, the word ringing loud after the too-long silence, “I don’t know what to do about this.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know!” Tony repeats, because that’s not for lack of trying to think about this rationally. “I don’t want people to be mad at me—not that friend, not my other friends—and I don’t want to ruin anything and I just—I don’t know. I have no fucking clue what I want to do. I just want things to be simple.”

“That’s understandable,” maybe-Bradin replies with a tense little smile, shoulders oddly stiff for a phrase he’s probably heard ten thousands of times before, “but I’m sure I’m not teaching you anything when I say that interpersonal relationships are never simple.”

“I’d settle for not disappointing anyone,” Tony mutters as he buries his face in his hands.

“Alright. Who is it you think you may disappoint?”

 Well, that’s the million dollars question, isn’t it?

It could be Howard—both experience and therapy have proven Tony isn’t quite done trying to organize his life according to his father’s wishes—or supposed wishes—though he does the opposite of that as often as he respects his father’s legacy, if not more so. It got quite apparent in his relationship with Pepper, too. Tony loved her—still does, even—of course. He’s an ass, but he’s not that far gone, thank heaven.

Dating her, though, would have been the perfect mix of satisfying his father—she’s smart, charming, charismatic, sensible—and making him despair—she is, after all, from a lower class family. No, it wasn’t Tony’s primary motivation which, let’s not lie, was a relief to confirm a few sessions back, but that doesn’t mean he never thought about it—or hated himself for thinking about it—even while they were dating.

 That’s not what’s happening with Lorna, though, at least Tony doesn’t think so. With Pepper, there was always a dimension of need in their relationship, on his side more than hers. Again, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her, but it does mean Tony made decisions he probably shouldn’t have made—decisions that were definitely not fair to her.

With Lorna, for better or for worse, Howard Stark doesn’t compute—might as well not have existed at all, really. Going out with her, whether their outings are dates or not, or if they’re something in between, is actually more of a pickle in relation to the other Avengers—what would they think, after all, if they learned Tony has been spending time with their most recurring foe? They wouldn’t understand—would they even try to understand what this means to him? He’s not sure, and quite frankly he doesn’t want to risk it.

 Part of him—a tiny, shivering part of him that doesn’t quite dare push the words out of his mouth—wonders, though, if maybe this time he’s mostly afraid of to disappoint himself.

 {ooo}

 He comes out of the consultation without a clear idea—or even a fuzzy one—of how he wants to handle the Lorna situation, but he does feel lighter and half-resolved to just wait and see.

He pushes his concerns at the back of his mind—not that different from what he does in ordinary situations,although this time he has to make a conscious effort for it instead of just assuming fate, in the form of Pepper and (or) Rhodey will take care of it.

 Of course, the downside is if—when?—he fails, he’ll have no choice but to shoulder the blame for it but, he supposes, you can’t have everything.

 He finds Lorna waiting for him on the sidewalk, messy braids tumbling over a small, three-quarters vest in gold cotton and a shiny green dress that sways in the gentle breeze. Tony’s lips curl into a smile when he notices a black feather hanging from her hair, and he compliments her for it before he asks:

 “What are we doing today?”

“Culinary experience,” Lorna replies, the tip of her hair brushing past her shoulder blades when she turns around without waiting to see if Tony follows.

 He doesn’t particularly mind, and simply smiles when they teleport into a cramped space between two white stone walls blackened by time. Lorna must have messed with some kind of timeline, too, because it’s already dusk when they step out into a larget street and all but stumble on the Eiffel Tower, scintillating with white lights.

 “Is today a holiday?” Tony asks, but Lorna shakes her head.

“It’s an hourly thing. I can’t always take you to the most spectacular times.”

 Tony thinks of absolute silence and light coursing through his body and nods, even as he follows Lorna toward the tower. They bypass a host of tourists milling around the neatly-trimmed grass, trees planted in a straight line on either sides, and fall in line for the elvators.

It’s a pity, really, that today isn’t a holiday—Tony liked the idea, for one, and besides he feels like doing something festive with Lorna just now. He’s not sure what, or why, exactly—just that he’s in a good mood and a little giddy and, well. He might as well enjoy it.

 Together, they wait their turn before they can climb up to the second floor and the restaurant there, called La Tour D’Argent. It’s posh, with an old-money feeling that Tony doesn’t see all that often, used as he is to the newest, shiniest establishments he can find. The view, perched above the Seine and the city lights coming to life, is nice though, and Tony is pleased when Lorna steers him to a table by the window.

Two men are already seated. One, clearly of Native American descent, gives a wolfish smile to the waitress, ocher skin stretching to bare sharp white teeth and a hint of gum as he readjusts the a leather vest on the back of his chair, hair as black as his eyes carefully braided at the back of his neck. Across him, cheekbones just as high but skin the darkest shade of black Tony has ever seen, the other man stretches in a blood-red suit, golden-red eyes shining under the scarification marks standing above his eyebrows. His hair, short cropped, curls tight above his skull, and when he smiles it looks almost too wide for his face.

Tony looks at the men as they bicker, apparently busy comparing a heavy silver ring and what looks like a fang on a leather cord, as if the two pieces of jewelry were even truly comparable.

 Tony frowns as he and Lorna approach their table, something about the way red suit’s fingers move, a little too shaky—a little too fast—tickling at the edge of his brain, until the long-haired man turns his wolfish grin to him.

 “Ah,” he says with a look of intense satisfaction, “if this isn’t my favorite atheist in the world!”

“Oh,” Tony realizes, sharp and a little embarrassed at the lateness, “Coyote? Anansi?”

“In the flesh,” Anansi says as he takes a cocktail from their waitress, “you don’t look very different from what I remember.”

 Tony frowns at Anansi’s brief hesitation, until it occurs to him that, while they first met two weeks ago as far as he’s concerned, both gods probably took the long way back—or forward?—to the here and know. If anything, he should probably be flattered to be remembered for that long, even if he can’t help but wonder if there was anything beside his atheism that secured his spot in the others’ memories.

He doesn’t let himself dwell on the question too much—doesn’t want to open the can of worm wriggling under the desire to know what the two gods think of him—and tries to keep his expression pleasantly neutral as he sits down. At least now he knows tonight is definitely not a date, and can act accordingly. It’s easier, at least.

 “Neither do you,” Lorna replies when Tony is a little too long to answer, “but then we didn’t exactly come here to compare wrinkles, did we?”

 “Of course not,” Anansi agrees, “but it’s fun to tease.”

 Lorna smiles, something dagger-sharp and flashing like a jewel, and Tony tries very hard not to think of the stories he heard of Norse Gods drinking mead from human skulls.

 {ooo}

 “We needed the faith that came with it,” Lorna finishes with a shrug, “that doesn’t mean we always enjoyed it.”

 Somehow, despite Tony’s best effort to pretend there’s nothing odd about his current company—or nothing odder than usual, at least—the conversation derived from where the four of them traveled to when, and then it somehow took a dive for the frankly theological, leading tony to learn more about human sacrifices  than he ever thought he’d know.

 “Are you kidding me?” He asks, incredulous, “You’ve got the power to create entire worlds and destroy them in the blink of an eye, and you’re trying to tell me you couldn’t refuse human sacrifices?”

“And who,” Coyote asks with an edge to his voice, “do you think created us?”

 They’ve left the restaurant by now, wandering the city streets without aim, occasionally pausing to look at an interesting building or a fountain...or, in this case, for Tony to stare at Coyote like he’s just grown a second head.

 “Who did what now?”

“Create us,” Anansi repeats with a loose shrug, posture far too relaxed for the bombshell he just released.

“I...I have no idea,” Tony admits.

 He has, he realizes, just sort of assumed the Gods appeared one day, fully formed and potent. Who was there to create them if they created the world, after all?

 “Humans did,” Lorna says.

 Something brief and tight-looking flickers across Coyote and Anansi’s faces, like revealing a secret one is slightly embarrassed by...or afraid of, maybe.

 “Human faith created us,” Lorna continues, “it shaped us. The stronger the faith, the harder it is to resist its pull—to defy its expectations. We were created in your image—we feel things the same way humans do, but at the same time—well. We do have to conform to what you are expecting to see.”

“That means,” Anansi continues when Tony fails to come up with a properly understanding expression, “that if the majority of our followers think we gain power from human sacrifices, we can’t just decide to get it from smoked pepperonis instead.”

“Oh.”

 There isn’t much more to say—not much more to express the surprise and disbelief—in response to that, and Tony is about to leave things at that when he remembers a conversation not so long ago—a story of Asgard, and how it used to be.

 “That’s what you meant when you talked about taking your freedom, right? You meant when people stopped believing in you.”

“Yeah,” Coyote agrees with a painful-sounding yawn, “now we can live our lies more or less as we want, so long as you remember us. If you forgot we’d be toast, but in the meantime, well. We can change things.”

 Tony watches Lorna’s face shift through sadness, fear, relief and a warm sort of determination as Coyote speaks, eyes rimmed with a thin line of tears.

He hasn’t studied any text about Thor or any other Asgard resident—didn’t have any interest for it before, and figured he’d get the intel from the source after he met Thor. As it is, he’s got no idea what’s in store for them—how much of what he heard is in keeping with sacred texts and how much is brand new, but it doesn’t really matter.

He knows what it’s like to feel like your entire life has been scripted out for you.

On instinct, Tony loops an arm around Lorna’s shoulder and pulls her closer to him, Coyote and Anansi chuckling when it only serves to highlight their height difference in a way that, Tony can admit, probably wouldn’t look very flattering for him on a magazine cover. It’s a good thing that’s not his main concern right now.

 He lets Lorna bend to rest her head on his shoulder, presses her closer to him, and is surprised to feel Coyote and Anansi join the improvised hug pile after a few seconds. The whole thing is a little too warm for the weather and stains his armpits with sweat, but if this is the price to pay for that kind of comfort, well.

Surprised as he is, he’s still ready to pay it.

 {ooo}

 Tony is practically singing when he reaches the tower—hums through his elevator ride and all but bursts into the room as soon as the doors open to let him out. Even Thor’s absence—after he left with the shortest note about family matters on Tuesday—doesn’t bother him, that’s how good his mood is. He whistles his way through the corridors, half-ready to dance in celebration of whoever knows what, until he steps in the kitchen.

 The whole team—minus Thor—has gathered there with somber faces and solemnly squared shoulders. That, in itself, would be enough to set Tony on edge—is more than enough to raise the hair at the back of his neck—and Fury’s presence stabs at his nerves like a chainsaw on metal.

His stomach doesn’t entirely drop until he realizes Bradin-Kevin-Gavin is all but hiding in the corner, bouncing on the balls of his feet with jittery movements. That’s when panic settles in.

 “So,” Fury says, arms crossed over his chest, “I hear you have a thing going with Loki.”