#like im nauseous from stress
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i need money for therapy and its going to be 2 weeks worth this week because i wasnt sent money last week for it and i still didnt have a job and i am not starting my job until next week but i also really need money for this fucking framing and also other convention stuff that is pretty much in a week but i found an easy solution but it still costs money and i need to order it soon bc i need it by early next week and i need those stupid fucking plastic things so i can sell my prints without worry and business cards and so many fucking things but holy shit dude i am so stressed out because i hate asking for money from my dad even though he said hed help and i can just pay him back with con funds and head in hands. scream. what the fuck am i doing. im freaking the fuck out dude.
#toad rambles#waking up from a nightmare and then having an anxiety attack about all of this isnt like. great#i am always stressed about money and this isnt a cry for help this is a i woke up almost 2 hours ago now and im still having an anxiety atck#like. im sure if i ask itll be. fine???? i hope????? i literally dont know what else to do#i think i only need one frame. but like with everything im asking for today/this week its still like $250 with the fucking therapy too#like im nauseous from stress#but i dont fucking think the frame we were going to build will be done in time and i dont think itll work#ill ask if he knows somewhere to get one of those for cheaper#or ill trawl fb marketplave#ill do that rn actually#scream. im doing 😬👍
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logan on that plane when the divorcees started arguing had to have been AT LEAST one of his top 20 worst moments in life if not at least one of the most awkward like imagine not liking flying in the first place and then the plane starts being crumpled like tin foil once the metallokinetic gets frustrated and now we're all nosediving towards the middle of the ocean
#xmen#xmen dofp#xmen days of future past#erik lehnsherr#magneto#wolverine#logan howlett#snap chats#logan gotta act cool bout it all 'so youve always been an asshole' boy i know youre like three seconds away from a heart attack#man said he was the wrong guy for this but frankly if he could sit through all of that and keep going i think he's fine enough really#i wouldve checked out after that but im just not built for that kinda stress !!!#like in THREE MOVIES IM P SURE we've seen this mate be a lil nauseous at the idea of flyin for one reason or another#bro just does not have good luck with planes PLEAASSE#also side note. the stray hank caught during erik's rant i cANT LEAVE HIM ALONE#LIKE FAIR ENOUGH BUT STIIIILLLL LET HIM FLY THE PLANE VLKEJLKAJ#thank you hank for grounding erik so we all didnt have to fish the plane out of the sea
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ignore the sketch covering my true form (comfy clothes that i sleep in) GUYS ITSD WINGS
#ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#wip#the v1 cosplay saga#its the v1 cosplay saga now#anyways i took november off from working on it cus i got so stressed to finish it for halloween that i felt nauseous the day after#and that made me not want to work on it#and for december i needed help to make the wings stable and my dad would be able to help but he was busy for like the entire month#BUT NOW I HAVE WINGS AND THEYRE SICK AS FUCK#also i took this pic a few days ago lmao happy new years#im gonna repaint the blue probably btw i think its a bit darker than i want it to be rn
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ah yes a back spasm, exactly what i needed at the end of a stressful shitty work week
#personal thingys#anyway distractions welcome im nauseous from the pain I haven had this bad for like 15 yearsw#hoenstly might be from the stress from this week even tho it was a good week or myab e im getting sick who knwks#hate this shit finally was having a good week and have weejend plans and now - whatever
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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i have a confession to make i'm kind of getting bored with wilting y :(
#maybe it's because of the no grinding? i actually like grinding in pokemon bc of how mindless it is <- insane#so while the battles are definitely more enjoyable it just kind of feels like im going from one area to another#without really stopping to do anything. unless im forced to by a rival randomly showing up to get in my way. which is never fun.#unfortunately if this is the issue theres no workaround bc the game is designed to be played around use of the exp all#and bc of how the wild pokemon are scaled i cant use them to grind#alternatively maybe its bc im in lumiose city rn and i fucking hate lumiose city#its not even the city itself it's the CAMERA it makes me nauseous seeing it flip flop constantly#bri.txt#alternatively for a third option maybe im just so stressed out i cant enjoy it atm LOL
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tail hugger—.ᐟ
#* ooc.#* visage.#🌙 you're the first starlight reborn through the night ( main. )#hi i get on a plane next Tuesday.#i am. constantly nauseous from stress#im still very worried about pasokon because shes not improving like i want her to for me to feel comfortable leaving her here
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HOZIER TICKETS ACCQUIRED FOR NEXT AUGUST
#i had dreams of a floor ticket but everything was selling so fast i didnt want to fuck around. still got a pretty good first balcony seat#txt#literally he has been my ultimate artist to see live for an entire decade. aaaaaaaAA#im like nauseous from the stress of the ticketmaster gauntlet
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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babygirl i am so fucking nauseous rn
#my anxiety does this super fun thing where it ALSO makes me nauseous#nausea is of course the worst feeling in the world#so now I'm waiting to meet with an important faculty member and trying not to throw up#I've never actually puked from anxiety. But I've definitely felt bad enough that I thought I would#pls pray for me in so stressed#im making a Big Life Decision and I'm. hnfgggg. stressed#ive talked to a bunch of different people about it and like I've done research so. I'm not super unprepared? But I still feel underprepared#I don't know what I'm doing or if I'll regret it and I know that part of life is taking chances#but I can still feel anxious about this especially because this is an Expensive decision#lilac post#anyways. im just venting while I wait. i hope she's nice hngggg
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started actually spiraling out today i am. unwell
#ri speaks#had literally the worst fucking day dude#found out i had to write an APPEAL. for a job i really want. because i failed a class last semester.#and then Moments Afterwards#fucking three people texted me#all at the same time.#and i love my friends i do#but it was truly too much#i was like. already freaking out and then#i was sitting there like. god. im the worst friend ever (<- did literally nothing wrong)#and then i skipped my night class because i was like fully starting to have a panic attack#AND THEN. someone emailed me back and “updated” me on something i ALREADY KNEW and i was like oh my god. i cant do this.#because like. i ALREADY felt guilty about that#and then that just compounded it#but its literally not my fault i knew. but whatever#and they literally wont care theyre like the sweetest person I've ever met#i went to dinner and was like. so fucking nauseous from stress#AND THEN. AND THEN.#i got home and started to feel better#AND SOMEONE FUCKING#DROVE UP TO THE SIDE OF MY BUILDING#GOT OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CAR#AND THREW A MASSIVE SNOW BALL AT MY WINDOW ONLY#AND THEN DROVE AWAY#like i just. what the fuck dude#i cannot i really just cannot#i think everyone thinks im crazy for like being weirded out by the snowball thing but they don't get it#like. fully none of my friends would have done that#and it was so specifically my window#like i just cannot fucking do this im having the fucking worst time
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having a couple drinks & applying for new jobs is peak 20s experience tbh
#tw alcohol#i broke down at work today—it wasn’t even a full shift it was a 5 hour & i was filling in for someone#it’s just i’m sick of the constant moving & slightly unappreciative attitude from management bc they’re always snappy due to stress#& like a 1-2 hour rush is whatever it’s manageable but a 4-5 hour rush for donuts is unreal man#& it’s not worth 11.50 an hour idc if it’s plus tip#my work bestie/nice manager said nicely that if I can’t get it to where i can manage then I should quit bc it’s not worth it#& she said the other managers are egotistical & let it get in the way of their decency lmao#anyways mom says i should look into other bookseller jobs like even though the library didn’t work out I should try a bookshop#& I’ll try even though they can be really selective#it’s just…I’m willing to take a paycut for better working conditions…& the people there /are/ nice…but the crowd & stress & everything is#not worth it#like I shouldn’t be swaying around sweating & nauseous 5 hours into my shift wondering how i’m gonna make it#like im sick of that for every job#i hope the conditions will get better though#rose.txt
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:/ i think body's going through something right now
#i hope its not stress. im too spacey for stress right now#i fell asleep at 7pm yesterday. i ate all my dinner (unusual but im not sure if its good or bad yet)#i feel nauseous a lot? and i still have a cold from when i visited my dad uhhh#three weeks ago now (getting better now but still dodgy)#and thats giving me stomach issues and im so sniffly#and when i tried taking medicine before work i dont think i swallowed one right and the powder in it kinda came back up??#like it was a capsule one? idk that burned my throat for a good while#and totally tmi (like the rest wasn't) but my shark week is three days late#🙃 would the universe like to leave me alone for a bit pls
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disordered eating talk in the tags
#disordered eating cw#so like i did a stupid and took my meds this morning without eating breakfast and about mid morning#i had too much water and got super nauseous and had to throw up#and i realized that i still have a weird THING around purging#i don't feel like throwing up is an experience that should engender a sense of comfort in a person but it does in me#like i didn't even have anything in my stomach it's not like i had binged or whatever#but just the purgative act in itself feels GOOD to me#like a relief#kind of brings to mind how in my most stressful/mental breakdown-y times or during panic attacks all that's ever clear in my mind#is a desire to throw up. to just get this horrible feeling i can't process out of me#and i think it kinda speaks to how much food and eating or not eating or *purging* was how i found control and a sense of stability#having ednos is irritating bc it basically means you did a little of everything and none of those individual things ever got really dramatic#so it wasn't exactly noticeable but it all adds up into a pattern of behavior around food that's just deeply dysfunctional#and getting people to take it seriously is really difficult bc so many of those behaviors are normalized#but all those little behaviors were how i took back control. i would spite the people around me who policed my body by binging#i would try to control how i felt about myself (and how other people saw me and treated me) by restricting#and when i felt out of control i would take it back and reground by purging#so even now if im stressed out (which i am lately) it feels comforting and grounding to purge#even if im not doing it on purpose#which is....fucked tbh. i guess on just a primal level it makes some sense bc that's how our bodies protect us from things we've ingested#that could potentially harm us. so of course there's some relief around it. but im not eating anything that will hurt me#it's all just shame and terror and feelings i can't express and wanting them OUT#thankfully it's not something ive ever done chronically bc the stigma against EDs in my house growing up was also high#and if i didn't throw up or totally starve myself it was just dieting right? i would only half starve myself#and i would only throw up here and there. as a treat. once or twice isn't an eting disorder surely?#i just really regret how much ''bad'' food i just ate and i want a do over. it's not disordered if it's just this one time#this is a special circumstance and I'm Different#goddddddddddddddd#what's wild too is i can look back on this stuff now and see it for what it was but to most people none of that behavior#would ping as a Real Disorder
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Gladiator 2 is gonna change me for the worse I fear
#so excited im nauseous#I NEED to do this for myself I haven’t done shit im getting cabin fever so bad dude#I am not introverted in the slightest I want to claw my skin away from stress making me like this#gisa yaps
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my period came 5 days early and it's beating my fucking ass (giving an emetophobe all day on and off nausea)
#i literally went to bed and woke up nauseous like AUUUGGHHHHH#ik my stress is making it worse but honestly i feel so gross i'd cry if i wasnt dehydrated from shitting me brains out#my mom said she doesnt feel good either so im like terrified i have a stomach bug on top of my period or smthn but#im 90% sure it's Just my period. maybe 80%. idk. idk. trying to be normal and absolutely failing tho#like i wish i never heard my mom say she was sick to her stomach too bc im SO SCARED NOW RAAGGHHHH#i literally just. uhhghnfhfnfnnf idk. im gonna play more sims and try to chill.#summer's text tag#deleting later btw sorry to vent like Thjs on main. kinda embarrassing. very much apologies
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