#the pattern is always the same you cannot get out you will never truly be who you were but you can never leave your nature behind.

[raichukfm]

It's a fascinating question and the answer doesn't speak to it at all. We're talking about swapping perceptions, you know, the hypothetical thing that could answer those "What if my blue is your red?" ponderings. Were that the case and you were to swap, you would start seeing everything red as blue and vice versa, but you would be able to tell this. That's a controversial point, but we aren't proposing a full qualia inversion here; your internal concepts of red and blue haven't changed, just the way that your brain maps sensory stimuli to your qualia has. You can imagine red, and it's red as you have always imagined it, you just look at a red delicious apple and you see it as blue. (Actually a fascinating question whether people would agree with this assessment, and has me wondering about people with aphantasia specifically about if they think their 'red as they have always imagined it' can be separated from the way things with that color look to them. I'm getting off track.)

But this swap is different. Semiotics refers to the meanings that things have; for instance, the way you are looking at these squiggles or hearing these sound waves and taking them as a message. I am intending a meaning now as I type these words out, and you are taking away a meaning as you perceive them, and though it won't quite be the same meaning it is related. There's a question of where exactly the meaning you perceive is; is it in the message itself? Is it just contained in the context around it? Was it put there by me? Is it only there when you read or hear it?

And now specifically we're talking about abstract objects, things which aren't concrete; for instance, words as words, not images or sounds but the thing that those patterns invoke. Things where it is already an interesting philosophical question about how exactly it is that they exist. (For those with the bent to ponder it and not just go 'Uh, they just do, duh' because yeah that's fair.) And that's just one example of an abstract object. It's not all messages. There are numbers. There are complex mathematical objects, like groups and rings and fields. Are things like "peace" abstract objects?

If we do this swap of perceptions, so you perceive the meaning of an abstract thing to be the meaning that I perceive... What are you perceiving, exactly? Is it the thing anymore? Is this even truly a swap of perceptions or is it rather a swap of thoughts? If you took one piece of my mental model of the world and swapped it out with one of yours, how would it fit in? Would it fit in at all? It's fascinating.

The world isn't shrouded in darkness. There's not some blinding fog that has settled over everything. You can observe the world, make sense of parts of it, peer into its mysteries and try to think of answers. Yeah, it's confusing and a lot of pieces of it are out of reach but that's just because the world is so fucking big and complicated and so many parts we simply lack the faculties to possess. This question is that lovely kind of philosophical pondering that is fundamentally unresolvable and by all rights has no practical purpose... But we can still talk about it, and in talking about it, we can share ideas and work through how it is we think of things. If nothing else, we can enjoy ourselves. And that's as practical a purpose as anything else.

Don't see something you can't think of how to answer and decide that it cannot be answered and that now is a time to shrink away to safe thoughts that can be trusted. Ponder whatever bullshit that strikes your fancy, and try to think about what the answers would be. Even if you can fundamentally never find out if you're right or wrong, the thinking itself is a worthwhile exercise. Encourage other people to do it too, though don't try to force it; different people have their own sorts of funtime questioning. I've got things like this, some people have how much prep time Batman would need to defeat Shrek in a fight.

equally confounded and obsessed by this quora question and response that i just stumbled onto

[syncopation53]

Going back to witch queen’s story for a moment bc what else do you do on a wednesday night other than watch playthroughs of video game expansions on youtube for the upteenth time and I just wanted to share my thoughts on savathun’s character as was seen in the campaign for a moment.

How I like to interpret witch queen’s story is that the point is savathun was supposed to feel a bit off, especially to people who are familiar with her lore. Her scheme is, quite honestly, very linear and straightforward. She has no contingencies put in place (that we know of) other than “just let my ghost handle things, idk tbh.” She shows her hand far too early. She gives us even half a chance to actually foil her plans, practically hand-feeding us her grand scheme in a nutshell in such a way that I assumed there must’ve been some secret hidden motive behind it all my first go-round, but I like to think that was intentional (or at least, I’m hoping it was. all of this is just me taking in potentially fatal amounts of copium honestly). Piecing together a story of who you were, who you’re supposed to be, and what you’re supposed to do from secondhand accounts and the projections we see at the altar are different from actually being who you were pre-resurrection (unless the altar has some strange mind-link connection with savathun herself through the throne world, in that case please point me to the voiceline/loretab that says as such so that I may eat my words in a timely manner). The point is that she’s trying to be like savathun, the witch queen, she’s trying to be all-powerful and in control and holding all the cards at all times but she can’t. It’s not the same. She’s not the same anymore.

Yeah yeah “young wolf main player character video game hero power fantasy” and all that, but still. With this new batch of writing as of late I honestly wouldn’t put it past them if it really was supposed to be that savathun has always and will always be the same even as her own overconfidence directly led to her scheme completely falling apart and crashing down all around her, but… fine. ok. I don’t believe you but. who am I to argue with actual Destiny Deeplore Knowers

OG!savathun is a girlboss. lightbearer!savathun is a failwife. to me. you understand. reblog

[thexsilentxwordsmith]

Dad!Simon Riley x Fem!reader

Simon Riley: Girl Dad

From the request here ; pic screenshot from this video

“Can I come in now?” you ask, popping your head into the nursery as Simon finishes getting your 3 month old daughter Anna ready for the day. 

She wriggles in his grasp, babbling away as he mutters in a hushed tone to her about keeping still for daddy.

"Ya think this is funny yeah," he teases her, tickling her chubby tummy before trying to wrangle one of her legs in his grasp.

It’s like music to his soul the way the happy talking sounds she makes touches his heart and it only makes him want to do whatever he can so that she will keep making them for him. That’s why it always takes longer than usual to get her dressed when he does it.

You crane your neck trying to sneak a peak, but his voice stops you. “Not yet,” he says and moves his body to block your view. 

He doesn’t want you to see before he’s ready. The outfit is one he picked up the other night on a whim, the moment he saw it he knew Anna had to have it for today, and he wants to get it all on to give the full effect. He finishes straightening her up and tucks her body sitting up in the crook of his arm. She is content as can be being snuggled at the side of his chest, happily clapping her little hands together as they turn to face you. 

“Well?” he asks, brow furrowed and body slightly tense as he waits for your critique. “How'd we do?”

You match your daughter’s vibrant smile as you see the outfit Simon’s bought all on his own: a bright yellow corduroy romper with frill capped sleeves, little socks with suns on them, and a big yellow bow to match. Your heart swells full of emotion at the sight; it’s just an outfit, sure, but it really means so much more than the sum of its parts. You know just how far Simon has come in his journey with her and it truly warms your heart to see him so smitten with the little babe this way.  

When she first came home, there wasn’t a moment when Simon wasn’t on edge around her, nervous that somehow, someway, he would end up hurting her. She seemed so small to him in those first days, so incredibly delicate as she lay sleeping in her bassinet like the most perfect doll, that he was certain that someone as rough around the edges as him would never be able to be near her without breaking her and that was something he was not willing to risk.

She is his gift, his light, a treasure that came from out of all the years of heartache and hardship and he would never let anything bad ever happen to her.

It took some time and a lot of encouragement on your part, but finally Simon found his confidence and never looked back. Any chance now that he can get he is holding her, changing her, feeding her; anything and everything he can do to show her his love by his actions alone. And whether he gives himself the credit for it or not, he is doing a marvelous job.

“How did I know you'd choose something yellow?” you laugh as Simon glares at you, trying not to crack that fake tough facade. 

It is becoming a pattern for him to choose yellow things when it comes to Anna. When she came home from the hospital a few months ago in that yellow onesie, it was like a flip and been switched and that was it; that was her hue from then on. It is strange, Simon never really had a favorite color before that special day and then suddenly yellow was never the same. Now he cannot imagine his life without it.

His face breaks into a smile as he shakes his head, not ready to admit that he is becoming predictable. “Come on, did I do it right or not? Just want to be sure it looks fine on her. We got a big day and I want it ta be perfect.”

Your face brightens as you look her over again. “She looks adorable, Simon,” you reply cheerfully. “You did good, baby. I think you’re really getting the hang of this dad thing.”

Looking down at her in his grasp, he beams with a sense of accomplishment and his tense shoulders ease. Parenting is not something Simon ever thought he could be good at, he never thought he would be the one with the chance at having a family, but each day he is making strides in the right direction to becoming the dad he desperately wants to be.  

“Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own today?” you ask as you watch Simon place a delicate kiss to the top of Anna’s small, wispy-haired head. “Cause I can stay if you need me to. All I gotta do is make a call and let them know I can’t go.”

Simon shakes his head and reaches for you with his free arm, pulling you by the wrist until you step close enough that he can wrap his arm around your hip to pull you against him opposite your daughter. “Ya worry too damn much, sweetheart,” he says as his hand finds your cheek, his thumb stroking across the soft skin before he is leaning his face in towards yours. 

His full lips catch you in their tender embrace, a kiss that is full of emotion, and in an instant your eyes flutter closed as you relinquish yourself to him. You let all those worries fall away as the gentle touch of his lips, the heat from his breath, the passion flowing through his kiss calms your mind. He conveys so much without ever speaking a single word and in a flash you are put at ease.

Slowly he breaks away, already missing your taste the moment your lips part. Eyes still shut, he rests his forehead against yours, rocking all three of you back and forth a moment as he enjoys the feeling of having his entire life resting comfortably in his arms. You both open your eyes after a time and look down at Anna babbling away to herself, before looking back at each other. This is all still new and unchartered territory, so the both of you are working to figure it all out, but so far it has been anything except bad. 

“I promise, I got ‘er. We’re gonna be just fine,” he says quietly. “Isn’t that right, princess?”

At the sound of his voice Anna turns her face to find his and it lights up as it always does whenever her favorite person talks to her. She even employs her recently-learned skill of giggling happily to punctuate that she agrees with whatever it was she was just asked, even though she doesn’t understand a word of it.  

Simon kisses your forehead to be sure the worry is completely gone. “It’s just a couple hours on base and then we’ll be home the rest of tha day,” he says. “Besides, might be nice to show her off to the guys. She does look real pretty today.” 

“That she does,” you agree as you quickly check the clock on your phone and with a kiss to your baby and one more for Simon you are gone, leaving the pair alone.

Simon gets to work double checking everything in his backpack that he has to bring for her: extra diapers, wipes, bottles, toys, anything he could need while he is out. It’s in his nature, years of military training has come in handy as he is prepared for it all. Satisfied, he turns back to the baby at his side. “Alright princess,” he says, “ready to go see where your dad spends all his time when he ain’t at home?”

The moment he’s walking on base, black backpack filled with essentials strapped to his back, tiny baby girl dressed in bright clothes tucked in his arms, he’s drawing curious stares from everyone he passes. This is the first time she has gone to base with him, so of course people are going to be inquisitive about things. How can they not? Simon looks like… well, Simon: intense, stoic, intimidating. Even in just his black t-shirt and jeans, with his lightweight balaclava on, he is still an imposing figure. Never one to be shy per se, Simon still does not like the attention on him, but since he is with his little angel he doesn’t care. He is proud to show off the best damn thing he has ever helped to create.

The contrast between him and his daughter he knows is jarring and Simon laughs to himself at how absurd this must look for someone like him with such a coarse demeanor to be handling such a precious, sweet thing. Who would have thought that the scary skull-masked military officer would have a family of his own? It is a shock he is sure. 

“Seems we’re gonna be the talk ‘round ‘ere today, princess,” he says as he looks down at Anna, secure in his grasp as they continue on towards his office.

She is too busy looking everywhere her little head can turn to be bothered by anything. Being out and about with her father, seeing things she’s never seen before, which is pretty much everything, has her interested and engaged with the sights around her. Those small brown eyes, the ones that are a carbon copy of his, stare on as she silently takes everything in.

He makes it to his office and gets set up, grabbing everything that he needs in one tight spot as he sits Anna up in his lap with a toy for her to play with. She is content for a while as he goes through paperwork, occasionally he gives her a tickle or readjusts her on his thigh, something to show that he hasn’t forgotten she’s there with him. 

Barely an hour has passed before Anna begins to whine and fuss and Simon knows what that means: she’s hungry. He grabs the prepped bottle out of the bag and walks to the small microwave in the corner of the room, warming it and testing it on his wrist before he moves back to his desk and sits back down in his chair, cradling her in his arms against his chest as he places the nipple of the bottle in her mouth.

“There ya are, luv,” he comforts her until she settles into him, “I gotcha. Daddy didn’t forget.”

Unknown to Simon, there is an unexpected guest that has just appeared near his office door, though before the person can even knock to announce themselves, they are caught by surprise at the sight before them. Johnny, who’s come to deliver something from Price, stops right in his tracks and stares at the scene before him.

He stands there, watching as Simon tenderly holds this little infant in his arms, quietly rocking back and forth as she drinks her bottle. Every now and again he speaks to her softly, the skin around his eyes tightening to indicate there is a smile underneath the mask. There is an ease to his movements as if he knows exactly what he is doing and it genuinely shocks the young sergeant. Who could have ever guessed that this would be something Simon would be such a natural at?

As Anna is finishing the bottle, Simon looks up as he feels a pair of eyes on him to see Johnny standing there, obscured by the doorframe, silently watching. He sets the empty bottle down on his desk and moves Anna to sit upright on his thigh, leaning her against the crook of his arm so that he can pat and rub her back until she burps. 

“Can I help ya, Mactavish?” Simon’s distinct voice calls out, catching Johnny off-guard as he realizes he’s been caught staring.

“Sorry, L.T.” Johnny stutters out as he hurriedly steps inside the office, remembering why he is here in the first place, and sets some papers upon his desk. “Price sent these; says he needs ya to look ‘em over.”

Simon nods in understanding, his hand still rubbing the baby’s back. “Will do,” he agrees, thinking this will be the end of the interaction, but Johnny still lingers. “Anything else?”

“I heard ‘round base that ya had your little one here today. Had to come see if it was true fer myself,” Johnny admits with guilt. 

“Well, ya could meet ‘er if ya like, ‘stead a standin’ there just starin’.”  Simon nods his head down at the baby. “Johnny, this is Anna.”

The sergeant observes her as she begins to coo, her eyes catching the tattoos along Simon’s muscular arm, her petite fingers tapping and poking along the lines and patterns with delight as she loves to do when he holds her like this. She’s so engrossed that she hasn’t realized there is another person in the room yet.

Johnny clears his throat. “Didn’t mean ta stare, ya know. It’s just a surprise ta see she’s actually real, I guess.”

The original members of the 141 know about Anna, it wasn’t something that Simon could hide once she was about to make her way into the world, but it’s a bit jarring for the Scot to see someone that he had previously known to be so toughened by the world change so drastically. Anyone who gets close enough can see it in the lieutenant’s soft gaze: he adores the little girl and that is… interesting, to say the least.

Simon chuckles at the clear surprise in Johnny’s voice as Anna is still playing with his arm. “Bit absurd, innit Johnny?” he questions while watching her with a prideful twinkle in those brown eyes as she giggles. “Me with a kid? Doesn’t seem possible, does it?” 

“Ya seem a natural ta me,” the Scot admits in awe of how easily he makes it seem, as if he was given some secret knowledge that made him know exactly what to do and how to do it. “Then again I don’t know the first thing ‘bout babies. Wouldn’t even know where ta start.”

Simon is reminded about how when he first found out he was going to be a dad he had started reading all the books, researching all the things like a good, capable soldier would, but how all of that prep was nothing in the end as the moment she came into the world everything was turned on its head. It’s not like in the books, it’s so much better and it is days like today that make it worth all the worry and fear and anxiety he had to break through to get here.

“Easier than ya think,” Simon replies with a chuckle as he moves Anna around facing forward now. “Once ya get the hang of it.”

“Don’t tell my girl that,” Johnny laughs back. “Can’t afford one right now.”

Anna’s attention is stirred away from Simon’s tattoos and towards the other man standing in the room with them. She looks up at Johnny in awe, not having much experience with others outside of Simon and you, but Johnny shoots her his classic smile and he has her giggling again in a flash. 

“Well hey there Anna, nice ta meet ya,” he introduces himself before turning back to Simon. “I think she likes me.”

“It's your hair she's eyein’,” Simon points out, following her eye line.

Sure enough as soon as Johnny runs his hands over the mohawk cut into his hair her eyes light up. “Can she touch it?” he asks Simon and he nods in agreement.

Johnny falls to one knee in front of the little girl, leans his head down, and lets her put her hand in it. Her short, chubby fingers pull the strands as she laughs, the short, spiky pieces pricking her fingertips. She pulls away quickly before bringing her hand back in again, a sort of game that she repeats a few more times before Johnny gets back to his feet. 

“He’s a funny one, ain’t he, princess?” Simon questions his little one as he strokes his thumb around the smile that fills her tiny, round cheeks. “Ya like him, yeah?”

She coos, her little lips forming an ‘o’ so that she sounds like a dove. That’s the closest to a yes as they are going to get. 

“I sure ‘ope ya do, seein’ as I’m your dad’s best friend,” Johnny picks, looking to Simon to see his reaction. 

He rolls his eyes at the statement, but stays silent and doesn’t correct him. Instead Simon opts to end the conversation there, needing to get finished here anyway so that he can get back home. As much as Johnny’s company isn’t as grating as it first was, he is ready to spend some alone time with the baby before you get back. “Well, if ya don’t mind, I need to get back to it. Say goodbye Anna.”

Johnny agrees, though his mouth twitches like he wants to ask a question, but ultimately decides not to ask it in the end. He turns to leave, but Simon guesses at what he is wanting and calls out behind him so that he stops. 

“And ya can tell the others they can come see ‘er if they want,” Simon assures, “I know they’re probably itchin’ to get a glimpse of her too. That’s why they sent ya, yeah? See if I was up for company?”

Johnny turns around and nods his head. Fuck, they’ve been caught. “Will do, L.T.” he says. “Can ya blame us though? She’s pretty damn cute.”

And with that he turns back around. As Johnny leaves the office with the sounds of Simon and Anna at his back, he can’t help but smile to himself at seeing his friend finally have a bit of happiness; if anyone deserves it, it is Simon. Wait till the others see just how much things around here are going to change.

[writingescapades]

Jealous Rafayel

A/N: This started as jealously headcanons than became something else, lol.

Has two sides. The immediate more obvious, dramatic reaction is the one you are most used do. More like, it’s what you see on an almost daily basis. Rafayel basks in your attention. It’s like seeing the sun on a cloudy day, or feeling it’s warmth as a ship comes close to shore. One always notices the presence and loss of the sun, and Rafayel finds himself in continuous orbit around you.

There is also desperation painfully laced in this response. A question wondering how much time does he have left in this life? When would he see you next? These are questions that hang over his head and subject him to the agony of being a powerless god. So forgive him for his numerous gimmicks to veer your attention towards him. It not about knowing one another. It on creating those moments where it just feels like only the 2 of you exist in the world, like you’re the only 2 stars in the sky, because one day, there will be only one star. And he doesn’t want it to be. He doesn’t want to bear your loss anymore. So he clings on, each time reminding himself that you’re still here.

He's not particular on whether it’s your work or another person who is taking your time. They’re all evil demons that have him dramatically flailing because woe betide the young man who suffers the loss of love. If your try to console him, he’ll playfully scoff and shove you off claiming to not be second choice. If you cater to him, he’ll sigh and supposes he’ll accept your love. If you shrug and walk away, he’s chasing after you. It’s one thing to be jealous. It’s another to be alone in your jealousy.

But it’s all fun and games. His words are all bluffs intended to capture your attention on any excuse. Afterall, who wouldn’t want to hold onto the sun after lifetimes of darkness? But when you allow your priorities to consume you. When the time away from him is more than the time spent with him, that’s when Rafayel’s true jealousy comes out. Despite his temperament, Rafayel’s negative emotions do not flare out as easily as his positive emotions. Sarcasm and wit are as far as he gets, and even then, he keeps a light tone. Negative emotions coils around him, slowly, slowly twisting until it seeps out.

His voice cuts you like an ice shard. This time, he looks right at you, eyes so dark you cannot find their original colour. He uses everything at his disposal to his advantage. Leaning over you, he speaks in a sharp quiet voice. He’s direct in his accusations and tells you upfront that he doesn’t like what’s happening. Despite his anger and demeanour, deep down Rafayel is worried. He doesn’t trust easily, especially not humans, and though he knows not to treat you the same as other humans, he can’t help but notice patterns. When those patterns appear to be heading down paths he’s traversed too many times, he panics. He should trust you. Why did he trust you? He knows you won’t hurt him. But too many humans have said the same and done worse. You love him. Love is a dangerous word in the human realm. Such conflicting thoughts run amok in his head as he listens to you.

The truth is, Rafayel doesn’t really know what sort of life he wants with you. You both never made it far enough to even think about that. And now, when it finally seems like the universe is giving you both a chance, to see if being ripped apart because of your own priorities frustrates him. A part of him doesn’t want you or this human life. He wants Lemuria and Lemurians. Yet the moment that thought runs through his head, he laughs bitterly to himself because he knows that even if he’d manage to achieve that, he’d still not be satisfied. What was the point of such an accomplishment if there was no sun to bless them?

When Rafayel truly gets jealous it’s a reality check for both of you. For him it’s a reminder that you both made it this far. The path ahead has not been carved yet, there is still a chance. That he should still hope and fight because after centuries. Being with you feels is comforting, familiar, like wearing a glove. You both just slip back in each other’s lives as if you’ve never been apart. But what really shakes him is how accustomed he’d become to your loss. He’s spent too many years without you than with you. And he doesn’t know if he should let your in or let you go.

But when you talk to him. When you hold his face and call his name, he realizes that you are currently here, beside him, willingly. That you won’t abandon him. And while trusting you is still too hard for Rafayel, he knows that you are willing to protect whatever he does trust you with. So he apologizes, immediately, mumbling half-coherent reasons into your shoulder. He’s emotionally drained and just wants to be near you. He would prefer taking a nap, but is also okay doing something together or separately, just so long as he can feel you beside him.

[hughiecampbelle]

Ichor (Homelander Oneshot)

Character/s: Homelander, Ashley, The Boys

Word Count: 1,479

Warning/s: gore, sort of all the basic warnings The Boys typically has

Requested: Hiii! It’s me again, the platonic Homelander x reader requester! (that sounded cringey lol haha) I can’t get enough of your wonderful writing so here’s another fic request with the prompts: Sincerity ,thunder and lightning, "Go" . Still platonic Homelander x reader but this time, please make it angsty! Thank you again, and have a great day/night!! - anon

Requested: hi!! can I request a fic with homelander with prompts 30)intimate and 60)you're covered in blood. thank you 💗💗💗💗 - anon

A/N: I hope you don’t mind my loves, I combined your requests! I'm so sorry it's take me so long to get to your requests!!! Fic writing has been so difficult lately, I have no idea why! This, though, idk I think it really came together! I've said this before, but I truly do feel like Frankenstein and this horrible, beautiful, mismatched creation is my monster lol. I love how it turned out!!!! I put so much angst into it!!! My loves, it makes me so happy that you like my writing! I really hope you like it!!!! Feedback is always appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Go. He doesn’t have to say it again. The click of Ashley’s heels pattern across the floors. She stumbles, only for a moment, before recovering. The rest stare in disbelief, jaws hanging, eyes wide. All he has to do is look at them – glare at them – and slowly the room begins to empty. There is a speck of blood on his cheek, just below his twitching eye. All at once, his knees buckle. He falls into prayer, ready for execution, his gloved hands gripping the edge, slippery with red. There are few instances in which he’d ever let someone see him cry. Breakdown. Crumble. This, however, is the exception. He does not wail or sob. This grief, this sorrow, comes out quietly. Silently, tears slip down his cheeks, filling those watery blue eyes. His words are mumbled, hard to decipher, but they share the same rhythm of an apology. Begging for forgiveness. Regrets slip from his tongue. He struggles to catch his breath, sincere in every exhale, every so often placing his head against the lip of the table. It is cool, frozen, and sticky. He reaches out to touch, to cradle, the engagement ring. Crimson drips from it like honey, thick and smelling metallic. He closes his fist around it. Suddenly, he is full of rage. Furious and bitter, he smashes his hand through the table. He pulls himself free, cursing everyone. Beside him lies a body. He slips the ring on a finger, sniffling, admiring how delicate it looks. How beautiful you would have been, standing there with him. How excited you must have been when he proposed. It’s all gone now.

The boardroom is vast. The light would throw itself across the floor, kissing your face, reminding you there is more out there than this job, this place. Not today, though. Instead there are clouds, dark and moody. Instead there is blood across the floor, platelets and plasma and cells splattered and spattered. Gushing. Hemorrhaging. Too much for one person. Instead, every so often, thunder growls and lightning illuminates him, his figure, his features left in the shadow. You’d never seen it from this angle. The ceiling is painted. He flies heroically. The rest, your friends and acquaintances, circle around him. He is the sun. You would have laughed had you had the strength. You’re covered in blood. Your innards expose themself. You cannot move, you cannot put them back. Through your costume, your flesh, your intestines and internal organs. Malleable and pliable, your body nothing more than putty. You were only alive long enough to feel the ring, the squeeze of his hand, the kiss on the forehead. You were only alive enough to let out a guttural, wet, spongy gasp. Blood caked your teeth, your tongue. It’s all you could taste. Gore spills from your belly as if it can’t be contained any longer. As if it had fought its way from you. Nothing else is broken or damaged. Tarnished. Nothing else can be felt. There is no pain and for that you are both grateful. Just a loss. A loss of strength. Loss of warmth. Loss of life. You let your cheek touch the cool of the surface, your head dropping, eyes open and staring. Watching. Waiting. When the time comes, John closes them for you. When the time comes, he’ll push back the hair from your face, your skin ghostly, lacking color. He will gather himself and leave you there for someone else to clean up. Dispose of. 

There was little said about your absence. A secret mission, Ashley says, one only you could be capable of. A great sacrifice, she smiles, one the world should be grateful for. Your image plastered itself across every news outlet and billboard. You pose, completely unscathed. Unable to attend the press conferences yourself, you send your regards. When she’s repeated it so many times, she might even be able to fool herself into believing it. There is still blood on her shoe. Sales for your merchandise, your figurines, costumes, posters and movies skyrocketed. You’re an American hero. Teammates are made to be quiet. Deep and A-Train, Noir and Sage, even Firecracker were sworn to secrecy. For that, they would be rewarded. They stand beside her, all smiles, waving, congratulating you on your bravery, your courage. All that’s missing is John. The funeral is intimate. Less than a dozen people attend. The casket is empty. Vought thought it better to cremate, but that wasn’t common knowledge. All that’s left is the ring. He stands back where no one would spot him, dressed as a civilian. The ring rests on a chain under his shirt. There should have been more time. There should have been a future. He curses you, your name, your mistakes, trying to keep himself composed. He watches as the casket is lowered. The flowers in their hands. The small patch of first where your headstone will go. It will read your name, your real one, the one you were supposed to have all along. . 

Y/n Butcher. 

He’d sliced through you like you were nothing. Like butter. He found the ring in your room. You wouldn’t know, of course, but he tore through it. Ripped open every drawer, throwing them across the room. Stripped the bed. Smashed the television. Tore the artwork. He took every item you’d kept there and shredded it. Vought cleaned that up, too. The place smelled like burning. He’d started a small fire. He’d know it when he found it. Eventually, he did. Deep down where no one would ever look, in a little box, the inside lined in zinc. Your ring. You’d forgotten to take it off, slipping into your room before a meeting. Who knew this one mistake would cost you your life? You’d been so careful otherwise. Scrubbing his smell off you. Checking if you were followed. Making yourself available all hours to John. You sat beside him believing you were safe. Believing you could have everything. There was always a cost to love, though. Your pulse never quickened. Not when John and Sage brought up a mole. Not when he stood up, placing his hand on your shoulder. Not when the room went silent. Perhaps you’d known you’d get caught all along. He grabbed you by the throat, pushing you on to the table. It was so quick. Everyone else stood back, shocked. You were the only friend he’d ever had. And now he was trying to kill you. Except, he wasn’t. He could have killed you in seconds. This was personal. He wasn’t thinking logically, he was emotional and dangerous. His eyes lit up, carving a line across your stomach. You tried to speak, but only a gurgling sound came out. After it was done, Homelander was panting. He ordered everyone out. This wasn’t how he wanted it to be. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. But then he pictured that fucking ring. He pictured you hanging out with them, befriending them, sharing all his secrets. You were going to marry Butcher. What friend would hide something like that? He trusted you. How could you do this to him? How could you make him do this? 

Frenchie placed the last flower, Kimiko by his side. Hughie held on to Annie tight, afraid of letting go. Marvin tried to comfort Butcher, but he shook him off. You said you could handle it. You promised him you were so cautious he’d never find out. No one would. You never made it home. They called and texted. They searched the city. It was only a week before a flash drive appeared, sent anonymously. Cutesy, unassuming, designed to look like a cow. The only way to use it was to rip the head off. Each of them had watched it countless times, trying to figure out what went wrong. There was no sound, just black and white security footage. Everyone is sitting. Homelander talking. He gets up. He’s choking you. His eyes light up. Fast forward. He’s crying. He kisses your head. He comforts your body. And then he leaves. Even in Butcher’s dreams, he sees it. There was no pleading or begging. There wasn’t any time. He’s tried to study your face, but you’re too far away. That was all they were allotted. No real answers, no body, no evidence. John left before anyone saw him. Across every station, every screen in the city, your image displayed. Hundreds of reporters describing your long history of saves. All the good you had done. All the good you would do. Recordings of little kids in your costume, videos of you signing posters, standing at his side. You looked so alive. If only they had known better. John smiles to himself. It’s as if the whole world were mourning. He could pretend, at least for a little while.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

what is (chronic) autistic catatonia?

// why specify “autistic” catatonia? //

catatonia most common associate with schizophrenia, but increase realize also happen in things like bipolar & depression.

if look at some of typical catatonia diagnostic criteria in DSM 5 (but in easier words): catalepsy & waxy flexibility, grimacing (hold same stiff facial movement), mutism, echolalia, echopraxia (copy movement), exaggerated mannerisms, stereotypies/repetitive movements, etc… wait! some of these things happen in autism!!! (like 7 out of total 12 can be seen in autism)

this is why important to know how recognize catatonia in autism. because overlap.

catatonia in schizophrenia most common start fast and get worse fast. but chronic autistic catatonia typically slow onset and slow but visible deterioration. (always have exceptions though)

not know a lot about schizophrenia catatonia, so this post largely focus on autism. everything below, when say “catatonia” or “autistic catatonia,” mean chronic autistic catatonia with deterioration.

// before move on— //

sometimes professionals do connect autistic shutdown with/as catatonia or catatonia episode or catatonia-like episode to draw connection. this not talk about that. this about chronic ones with deterioration. personally for community identity purpose i don’t enjoy (already have term for shutdown). but personal opinion aside, again this about the temporary vs long term all the time. if experience temporary shutdown, remember to leave space for and not same as those of us deal with chronic autistic catatonia.

important to distinguish from autism because autism and catatonia share many symptoms. (for example, physical stimming or “stereotypies” is autism diagnostic criteria AND catatonia criteria). autistic catatonia should only be suspected IF have new symptoms OR change in type & pattern of old symptoms. cannot. stress. this. enough. again. it not about IF you have these symptoms it’s about WHEN and HOW and CHANGE. it's about NEW.

and. please do not diagnose self based on one tumblr post. yes even if i do extensive research and cite sources and have lived experience. many many many disorders look similar. am all here for educated self diagnosis because medical system inequitable BUT am also sick of every time write this a bunch people comment “oh never heard this this is so me.” one tumblr post not educated self dx. it not a cool new thing to add to carrd to hoard as much medical label as can, it miserable it makes my life hell it not a joke it not cool. not every autistic have chronic catatonia, not every shutdown means chronic catatonia, even if you autistic and see these signs, may be separate unrelated disorder altogether, like Infectious, metabolic, endocrinological, neurological, autoimmune diseases, all can see catatonia (Dhossche et al, 2006). some of you all will read this and truly think this is answer been looking for so long—great! still, please do more research.

// chronic autistic catatonia with deterioration and breakdown //

the key defining symptoms of chronic autistic catatonia is gradual lose functioning and difficulty with voluntary movements (shah, 2019, p21). “gradual lose functioning” will come with regression in independence & ADLs & quality of life. it usually gradual, chronic, and complex. but can vary in severity. some need prompts on some day & some situations, while others need prompt and even physical assistance for almost everything.

how common? have seen statistic estimate from 10% - 20% of autistic people adolescents & above experience chronic autistic catatonia.

typical onset for autistic catatonia is adolescence. some study samples is 15-19, some as early as 13. some professionals think this autistic catatonia may be a reason for many autism late regression (Ghaziuddin, 2021).

can happen regardless of gender, IQ (yes shitty), “autism severity/functioning labels” (is what most studies use, so i keep, but yes have issues, probably also mean happens regardless of autism level 1/2/3 and support needs before catatonia, but need more research to confirm since these thing don’t equal eachother).

// primary symptoms //

from book "Catatonia, Shutdown and Breakdown in Autism: A Psycho-Ecological Approach" by dr amitta shah, recommend read at least first two chapter and appendix.

1. Increased slowness

often first sign but not always

periods of inactivity or immobility between actions which appears as slowness, e.g walking, responses (verbal & body), self care, mealtime, etc

2. Movement difficulties (freezing and getting stuck)

difficult initiate/start movement

freeze or become "stuck" in middle of activity for few seconds to minutes

hesitate & "to and fro" movements

difficulty cross threshold/transitions like door way

difficulty stop action/movement once started

affect speech content, fluency, & volume

eat & drink difficult (like movement for fork & knife, chewing and swallowing, etc)

spend long time in one place

(new) ritualistic behaviors

3. Movement abnormalities

repetitive movements like in tourette's & parkinsons

e.g. sudden jerky movement, tremors, involuntary movements, blinking, grimacing, unusual & uncomfortable postures, locked in postures, increase in repetitive movements, etc.

4. Prompt dependence

may not be able to do some or any movement/activity, unable to move from one place to another, unable to change posture, etc without external/outside prompt

5. Passivity and apparent lack of motivation

look unmotivated & unwilling to do stuff, include activities used to like, probably because can't do voluntary action or have trouble with request and make decison.

6. Posturing

classic catatonia symptom of being stuck in one posture, sometimes for hours

7. Periods of shutdown

8. Catatonic excitement

episodic & short lasting

e.g. uncontrollable & frenzied movement and vocalizations, sensory/perceptual distortions, aggressive & destructive outbursts that not like self

9. Fluctuations of difficulty

e.g. some days better can do more need less prompt! other days worse. sometimes emergency can act as almost like a prompt! but fluctuate doesn't mean difficulty voluntary

// secondary difficulties //

Social withdrawal and communication problems

Decline in self-help skills

Incontinence

‘Challenging’ behavior

Mobility and muscle wastage

Physical problems

Breakdown

// autism breakdown //

can be in addition to autistic catatonia. can look like autism is getting worse, even though autism by itself not progressive disorder!

i also call this autism late regression. separate between autistic catatonia & this not very clear, not enough research.

1. exacerbation of autism

1a. increased social withdrawl, isolation, avoidance of social situations

1b. increased communication difficulties

1c. increased repetitive and ritualistic behavior

2. decrease in tolerance & resilience

easily disturbed, irratable, angry

3. increase in "challenging" behaviors

e.g. self injurious behaviors

4. decrease in concentration & focus

5. decrease in engagement & enjoyment

// treatment //

for catatonia (autistic or not), typical treatment is lorazepam and/or ECT.

specific to catatonia in autism, Dhossche et al. (2006) separate it to mild/moderate/severe and give recommend treatment according to that (do not come here and argue about severity labels, because fuck! mild depression and severe depression of course have different suggested treatments and severity important to know. Remember we talk about autistic catatonia).

note: this is one paper! not the only way! yes have problems like most psych/autism papers, just here to give example (of range of symptoms and treatment route!). NOT MEDICAL ADVICE. (not even endorsement)

mild: slight impairment in social & job things without limit efficiency as a whole (essentially still able to function for most part but difficult).

moderate: more obvious struggles in all areas, but ambulatory and don't need acute medical services for feeding or vitals

severe: typically medical emergency, acute stupor, immobility for most of day, bedridden, need other people help feed. also malignant catatonia which can be life-threatening (fever, altered consciousness, stupor, and autonomic instability as evidenced by lability of blood pressure, tachycardia, vasoconstriction, and diaphoresis, whatever any of that means)

the "shaw-wing approach": very brief summary, keep person active and do thing they enjoy, use verbal & gentle physical prompts, have structure & routine.

lorazopem challenge: take 2-4 mg of lorazopem to see changes in next 2-5 minutes. if no change, another 1 mg and reassess

lorazopem trial up to 24 mg. (note difference between challenge & trial)

bilateral ECT, last resort.

mild: "shaw-wing approach" -> 2 week lorazopem trial if no imporvement in 1 month -> if effective, do both, if not, just shaw-wing approach

moderate: depends on prefernece, either shaw-wing alone or shaw-wing and 2 week lorazopem trial -> if not effective, do 2 week lorazopem trial if havent already -> if not, bilateral ECT

severe: lorazepam challenge test -> if not effective, bilateral ECT; -> if lorazopem challange positive, 1 week lorazopem trial -> continue if successful, bilateral ECT if not.

can sound extreme, but rememeber for many severe catatonia (autistic or not), it is medical emergency. can be life-threatening. there's no/not a lot of time.

it possible to make partial recovery, as in get better but not to before catatonia. but overall, many permanently lose previous level of functioning.

references

Dhossche, D. M., Shah, A., & Wing, L. (2006). Blueprints for the assessment, treatment, and future study of Catatonia in autism spectrum disorders. International Review of Neurobiology, 267–284. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0074-7742(05)72016-x

Ghaziuddin, M. (2021). Catatonia: A common cause of late regression in autism. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.674009

Ghaziuddin, M., Quinlan, P., & Ghaziuddin, N. (2005). Catatonia in autism: A distinct subtype? Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, 49(1), 102–105. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2788.2005.00666.x

Shah, A. (2019). Catatonia, shutdown and breakdown in autism: A psycho-ecological approach. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

[anisohtropy]

Kavetham constellation brainrot

we, collectively, don't talk about Kaveh and Alhaitham's constellations enough.

Looking at Alhaitham's first, Vultur Volans was the roman term for the constellation Aquila (the eagle). But why are we referencing its symbolism as a vulture instead of an eagle? That feels deliberate even though everyone assumes Alhaitham's meant to be an eagle. I contend that it's meant to be three things, an eagle, a vulture, and a falcon (just like the interpretations of the real constellation.) The eagle is obviously the well-trodden path of the divine symbol of Zeus/Jupiter. But what we kind of ignore is that the eagle was said to hold onto Zeus's lightning bolts, y'know his method of smiting people. Vultures and falcons have similarly death-related divinity. In an ancient desert environment, vultures are very useful as scavengers for getting rid of bodies to prevent the spread of disease and the general unpleasantness of rotting flesh. Falcons are very clearly associated with Egyptian gods, but particularly Horus, who was famously born/created from the dismembered body parts of his father. Interesting.

Now let's look at Kaveh. Paradisaeidae refers to birds of paradise, which are a real kind of bird, but the name is based on a kind of bird from Persian myth called the Huma bird. These things are wild. They're supposedly always flying and never lands on the ground. Some myths depict them like phoenixes, burning up every few hundred years to be reborn from the ashes. It's supposed to bring good fortune to people it flies over or who touch it. In some traditions it cannot be caught alive and whoever kills it will die within 40 days. It overall symbolizes unreachable highness and divinity. Obviously, it's a fake bird, but it's theorized that it's based on bearded vultures (meaning if we interpret it as a real bird that's gained divine properties, it would've probably done so via literally starving itself out of an unwillingness to bring or benefit from harming another creature).

They're the same kind of bird, fundamentally, but associated with opposing kinds of divinity. One brings destruction and the other brings fortune. One is self-sustaining, comfortable as the right hand of the true divine, but it is outcast due to its nature to survive using tragedy that befalls other creatures. The other cannot ever come down to be a normal bird, it sacrifices itself on an altar of being able to continue to bring joy to people it will never be close to. Change, decay, and cold rationality vs burning compassion and altruism and perfection. The burning bird can never be a meal for the vulture, as its death means only ash, and it is thus the only kind of misfortune of another creature the vulture can truly understand and care about. The Huma can never understand why the eagle is content as a messenger for the gods, why the vulture feels no guilt for the death it scavenges, why the falcon is content with a normal life when it was born with the potential for unimaginable greatness. The eagle, vulture, and falcon cannot understand the Huma's lack of pride or its willingness to damage itself for the sake of humans who would catch and kill it in their ignorance.

Also relevant is the fact that Deshret is clearly meant to be an analog of Horus or Ra. Both are associated with falcons and the sun, and their eyes are both significant in mythology (Deshret is symbolized by an eye in a sun in the lore). Nabu Malikata also has a massive pattern of sacrifice and she famously made a daughter-bird that was destined to die in the cataclysm.

There's a lot to unpack here but by god someone's gotta do it. The reincarnation, entangled souls, two sides of a coin vibes are SO STRONG with them. They're soulmates and the constellations only reinforce this when you pull back the hood on them. AAAAAA

[anemoiashifts]

how to enjoy shifting again & recover from burn out.

its always about the process & never the outcome.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ mindset.

so what you didn’t shift ? shifting isn’t going away. you have an infinite amount of chances to shift & the greatest part is you only have to do it once “right”. you only have to get to your dr once & show yourself that you’re capable. prove the existence of shifting to yourself.

if you didn’t shift & say something like “i hate that im still in this reality”, try flipping it to “the universe has more to show me in this reality so that i can have the tools to cope & enter my desired reality with more knowledge & insight”. every time you open an app like tiktok or tumblr you’re being exposed to new information which can be draining at times (all in moderation) but knowledge is power. knowing & exposure to information — different perspectives — can be eye opening. you’re also getting time. time to think about where you’re shifting to, to learn to put trust into yourself.

for those of you who have been trying to shift since 2020, what parts of life & lessons would you have missed out on if you had shifted on the first time trying ? the universe has more to show you & is teaching you patience.

the universe or god or even yourself — whatever you believe in — is “preventing” you from shifting for a reason. & guess what ? you’ll come out of it a more fulfilled & experienced person. the universe knows what’s best for you. when you don’t get what you want it’s because the universe has something better for you coming.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ reflect.

would it have been good or healthy for you if you shifted to your first dr. think about the things you’ve scripted. would you really want that life or do you like the just thinking about it ?

reflect on your journey. look at your scripts & knowledge & everything you have come to know since discovering shifting. compare your mindset & journey & your knowledge from then to now.

are you in a better place mentally ? yes ? no ? if not, how can you get there.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ routine & self.

create the routine your desired reality self has. what would she wake up & think everyday ? would she go to the gym & workout or shower ? what would her day to day look like ?

we must become out dr self internally before we can see things begin to materialize in the physical.

fall in love with the process. get excited about falling into those same patterns & routines & aligning with your higher, desired reality self. become her. expect what she expects.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ find the beauty in life.

if you shift, you shift. if you don’t, you don’t. im not saying that you cannot care but be okay with waking up where you fell asleep. don’t put all your eggs in one basket & care about life here. why don’t you care about yourself here but worship your dr self ? it’s still you. it’s still your life. both are you. what’s the difference between the two of you ? nothing because your dr self is you. give yourself room for error & don’t beat yourself up over it. learn how to speak kindly to yourself. go outside on a walk & pick out three beautiful things in nature.

♡ balance.

find balance in life. create a healthy mindset & positive patterns. there is no need to obsess over shifting because everything will work out for you in the end. if you truly believe you will shift one day, then there’s no need to stress because you know the outcome already. you don’t need to think about how you get from a to b. what you need to think about is your worldview & how your thoughts & system of beliefs shape you & ask yourself “are they serving me”? you have time in this reality , how can you not be miserable ? how can you make life here more enjoyable ?

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ cutting out things that don’t serve you.

somethings demotivating ? block or mute it. don’t like a method you’ve tried ? you aren’t tied to it. how about a piece of 2020 shiftok advice ? why are you letting someone’s expense have such a chokehold on you. just because it helped them at the time doesn’t mean it will help you. everyone learns differently.

there is no reason to be torturing yourself & putting your valuable time into holding onto things that don’t help you. there is no reason you should be so hellbent on shifting being this & not that. who cares what other people think shifting is ? all that matters is what you believe in to be because it benefits you. fighting someone in a comment section benefits nobody. stop disturbing other people’s journeys & putting unnecessary strain on the community. we all believe in shifting. we all should be supportive of each other, no matter what they believe shifting to be. you could be learning a lot from one another. knowledge is power. learn to appreciate other perspectives & outlooks & their insight. don’t be so quick to dismiss.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

♡ get excited.

start watching new shows so you can find new places to shift to. make playlists based on your dr. make scripts. make those paper mâché wands people made in 2020 if you’re shifting to harry potter. you’re allowed to get excited. you’re allowed to make it new & fun again. you can make a change for the better anytime. it’s never to late to start over & if restarting your journey from square one will help you then do it. literally adapt the mindset that this is the first time you’ve ever seen shifting on your feed right now. if this was the first video or post you’ve seen in shifting , how would that have shaped your perception of it ?

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

[v3nusxsky]

I have been craving more smutty Lesso fics. Do you think you could maybe write Lesso x reader where lesso has had to hide feelings for reader until the graduate. so when they finally graduate lesso cannot control herself anymore and so pulls reader away to her office where she admits everything to reader and then shows them that she means it buy absolutely worshiping their body and showering them whith so much praise.

{I love your writing so much and I am just looking forward to seeing more lesso smut :) Don't worry if you don't want to write this. }

Can’t wait anymore

*Authors note~ I love Leo and I’ve missed writing for her. I do love all of these women I write for and I find them all inspiring. With my shoulder playing up I’m not so sure how consistent my posts will be but truly I love all you guys so very much and I’m so lucky to have your support*

Trigger warnings~ dom lesso, sub r praise kink body worshipping oral sex unknown mutual pinning thigh riding

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Watching you grow over your years at the school for evil Leonora found herself watching you from afar. You were of legal age when the school found you, but you still had to do the schooling in the appropriate pattern, you remained the oldest of your year and it wasn't hard to spot you in a crowded room. Leonora liked that about you. You weren't afraid to stand out and of course that allowed her many opportunities to push and help you grow as a person.

You were lying if you said you didn't find Leonora Lesso absolutely beautiful. She was your kind of perfect. You know she sees herself as this unlovable woman who deserves nothing but pain. Oh how you wished to show her how truly wonderful she is. Buy the little rule of no staff and student relationship exists so you waited and admired from afar until your graduation came. In no way did you think that Leonora would actually allow you to indulge in your private fantasies. But oh how wrong you were. Leonora was battling her own feelings for you.

She did her part for the graduation seamlessly, it wasn't obvious about her pinning or the way her eyes roamed your body as you walked the huge stage. But as soon as the graduation was over, Leonora took your hand and led you quietly from the great hall. You didn't know where too or why she was doing this now but if you were honest, you didn't quite care anymore. After all you were sure you could turn a trip to the doom room in your favour now.

But what Leonora did next shocked you, you were led to her own private chambers, something that no never had ever seen before apart from you. You didn't have much time to question it because the red head silenced you with her lips by slamming them onto your own. The kiss conveying the years of pinning and feelings she had hid away. You were quick to respond and try to dominate the kiss but submitted at the feeling of her teeth sinking into your puffy bottom lip.

"Y/n, tell me you want this, tell me you feel the same. I'm crazy about you pretty girl and I want you more than I want Evil to beat good" Leonora purred at you causing you to gulp and nod, "I always want you Nora." You again slammed your lips to hers as you threw your arms around her neck, truly wanting to get impossibly closer to her. "Gonna worship you my princess" Leo mumbled against your lips and smiled as she backed you against a wall absolutely adorning the gasp you let loose at your back making contact with the wall. She took advantage of that and trailed her kisses all down your neck before finding your pulse point and sucking hard enough to create a mark.

Your brain already in a haze, Leonora easily manhandled you to the bed where you where pushed on your back as she settled in between your soft thighs. From there items of clothing were slowly torn from your body and every inch of new skin was kissed and caressed with the upmost gentleness. It was slow and passionate, you found yourself struggling to focus on her words of worship as you soaked in the feeling of her touch. It was everything and more, than you could've dreamed of.

Soon enough you lay bare and Leonora was back to worshipping your beautiful breasts like the goddess you are, she would nip suck and swirl her tongue over the pert rosey buds. "Nora! I need you please I need you so bad!" You whined feeling so overwhelmed and desperate that you may actually combust if she doesn't fuck you soon. "Shhh you're so beautiful darling, I just want you to feel special love, I've waited so long for this" she murmured before kissing you again.

All of a sudden, you felt her bare skin minus her keeping her crisp white shirt and undergarments on. Her kisses trailed down to your thighs and they were decorated with her marks, the pinkish purple bruises contrasted with your beautiful skin, truly Leonora had never had such a pretty little thing in her bed but you were worth all of the waiting and more. And the moment you felt her tongue at your soaked foods you could've cried. "Nora" you mewled causing the red head to groan into your cunt at the sound and taste that was so uniquely you.

If there was one thing you were sure of was that the dean of evil was utterly amazing in bed, the way she was using her tongue was unlike nothing you'd ever heard of, god the way she made you feel and that talented tongue would haunt your dreams forever. Just the mere thoughts of an encore. Safe to say Leonora is truly magical and you are lucky to have experienced her like this. And the way you came harder than you ever had before, practically drenching her face as she shoved her tongue into your tight little hole in an attempt to get as much of your sweet reward as she could. Your walls spasming around her tongue as she tongue fucked you through your orgasm. "You look so beautiful when you come for me sweet girl."

She helped soothe you down from your orgasm with nothing but gentle words and touches, ignoring her own need in favour of loving on you. It was only when you were tugging her up to meet your lips that her soaked pantie clad cunt made contact with your toned thigh. "Oh fuck sweet girl, Jesus Christ" your whimpered before kissing you senseless. Only then you were overcome with the need to make her cum that you brought your hands to her hips to encourage her to rut against your thigh until she could no longer stay strong, seeing you underneath her was all she needed to cum undone, with your name on her lips. "Oh Nora you're gorgeous" you mumbled and trailed your hands from her waist under her white shirt to play with her chest. "Best graduation ever" you whispered lustily and pressed your knee into her centre again. You'd be here in her bed all day and night as long as it never ends.

Word count~ 1209

[red-man-of-mustache]

Namedropping

Hey everyone! We're gonna take a little detour today/tonight to talk about something that's happened between me and someone you might know at @askwendyokoopa. I labored with this because in all my time being on/off tumblr I've never had to make such a post as this. Usually, if I block someone or someone blocks me we both move on like normal people. In this case though, I was appraised of the habits of this person along with my own experience with them and I proceeded with a block only to be met with them hopping on another account to blatantly get around said block then, when I refused to engage further they name-dropped me. Here's the post in question I'll be addressing throughout.

But, let's begin shall we? I'll start by talking about me. This'll be a long read and I know I'm asking a lot but please read it in full if you interact with his person.

I hope I've tagged this appropriately, if I haven't let me know. I'll also be reblogging this for the day crowd.

My blog is a safe place. I rp Mario as very campy, bright, and happy-go-lucky so I extend that to my general post pattern. I take my name and reputation quite seriously and as stated just a second ago I wrestled with making this post but I cannot let what they've said go uncontested. If you're reading this and you interact with them then this isn't me damning you or claiming I won't interact with you because of it but this is simply a cautionary tale. With that being said, for the more sensitive bits of proof, shoot me a DM or hit me up on discord(available upon request) and I can furnish you with even deeper details than I plan on going into in this post.

I have always avoided airing out my dirty laundry so to speak when it comes to any aspect of my life on this blog. Although it is "my" blog and I can post whatever I want, again, this is a place of uplifting and an escape. Rare is it when I'll post about how I struggle with certain things or if I feel dejected from a certain community and so on. I made a post a few months ago talking about my substance abuse and how I overcame it. In that same post I spoke about my mom, her alcoholism, and how she injured me in an altercation we had. I did that to be open because these same struggles have impacted my time on here. I was heavily self-medicating during my last run on tumblr and although I was present it was because I literally wished I didn't exist at the time. It all culminated into last year, spilling into this year. You can read that post for that information. I won't entirely retread that ground here.

It's a heavy subject and it's a dark contrast to what I usually post but I did so in case anyone could take strength from knowing I made it through a major struggle such as that.

Now this is a post about @askwendyokoopa,whom we'll refer to as Wendy for the rest of this post, why am I talking about me first? Well, once again, I've never blocked someone and seen them 1. try to circumvent the block with another account(one that perpetrates what I've come to have an issue with on them, more on that later) and 2. have that same person namedrop me for that block as if I need to convince them I don't wish to speak with them anymore.

Yes, I did.

Truly this song & dance is new to me. Again, I take my name(url) very seriously so to call me out as if I've done something wrong to you for not wanting to speak to you?? That's my right, you can't play victim just because I didn't give you a college thesis. This is the internet, if I don't wanna communicate with you I just won't.

I don't make vague posts about people I don't like, nor do I vaguely allude to me going through a tough time(at least I try not to, if I have those incidents are few and far between) I'll outright say I'm not feeling it or something along those lines but even then I have to be going through hell to make such a post. I also refuse to put it on my moots and followers when I feel inadequate because I'm here to lift you up not the other way around. If you choose to drop a compliment on my writing or personality, great! I deeply appreciate it and it motivates me to keep going but I'm here to give a boost to everyone around me through Mario. He's been with me since I was a kid and always a figure of inspiration in how he faces down trouble. I could use a bit of that in my adult life. I just wanna share that with everyone else.

I've actually been sort of a monolith my whole time on Tumblr and you know what? It's gotten me into a lot of trouble I can't lie. I'm doing my best to break that pattern by being upfront with how I feel, speaking to people more even if it's just to say "Hey I like your blog" or something simple along those lines. How can I claim to wanna provide a morale boost to people if I'm as reclusive as I (still) am? Doesn't make sense which is why I've been moving to change it.

This is not to name me a victim by the way. All this person did was namedrop me and mildly annoy me/make me uncomfortable but I've spoken with actual victims of their harassment and that was actually the last straw. So if anything I'm getting off light, I'm only doing this to clear my side of things and provide clarity for why this is happening.

I met Wendy way back in the infancy of my old @red-man-of-archive blog which I'm sure is obvious that it was the same URL you see me using now when it was active. Things were casual but consistent. IC Wendy had a crush on Mario but he usually never reciprocated and just moved on. Was it harassment back then? No. We didn't talk OOC and kept things "business" as I'll call it. They were amicable and their portrayal was pretty accurate in my opinion of course. Nothing funny going on to my knowledge.

Fast forward to me going through the various issues I did, being unable to even keep up with basic blog activity, and then going on extended hiatus. I tried coming back but had lost my phone number by then due to financial reasons and I decided this was the chance I needed to start over. So I did! I remade the blog September of 2018, archived the old one since I was still somehow logged in on my phone at the time and moved on. I don't think Wendy was around when I started over but they did come around. And to clarify: it still wasn't harassment. Things were casual, when threads ended they didn't have a foul word to say.

I end up dropping out again from tumblr, still in the storm that is my life. Not even a full month later either. I'd pop in for spurts of activity but it never lasted. Didn't see hide or hair of Wendy during this period.

Then we arrive at this year. Nearly three years after my last posting. I had quit smoking(THC) completely, I'm on the uptick in my job/finances, and I'm seeing a therapist. Took a look back and I've been reclusive, posting from my little cave this whole time and I came to the realization that if I want any staying power I need to put more of me out there alongside Mario. So, I start approaching people OOC more and trying to be forthcoming in where our threads are going or if I'm liking/disliking something.

Coming back to Wendy. When I got back so-to-speak I went through my followers to see if anyone was still active. Three years is a long time after all. I came across her again: Wendy. I looked at the timestamps, saw how far back they'd posted but they were among the people I felt comfortable enough to message despite the inactivity. Ironic.

Now, I can't show chat messages between us because when I blocked them the messages were nuked. I don't feel like attempting an unblocking to revive it but I'm about 90% sure they can see my posts anyway. Bear with me a little longer on this narration.

They get back to me after a bit and we start chopping it up. We catch up and I'll be 100% transparent in saying yes I did go along with everything being suggested. We started an entire thread based off innuendo but it was quite ham-fisted and when I stopped replying they began to pester me "Did I do something wrong? Can you not find another acronym?" even going so far as to start interacting with me through a different post and asking in character why I didn't reply.

That thread and the in character incident are gone unfortunately as I deleted them. But, I've got more than that to share. Innuendo isn't inherently bad nor does it go outside of what I do here as Mario.

By this point my patience has been tested and I realize this isn't the same amicable person I used to deal with. I can't speak for others OOC but I will say they hijack posts very often to ramble in character with this self-referential tone that makes it quite obvious this isn't Wendy(the character) speaking but the mun or simply turn things inappropriate. A few examples, we got

Just bizarre, plus it's AI

Again, weird, but not a blockable offense. They've at least put the bare minimum of effort in to tag it, I guess right? Well, around the time the gears were turning regarding this person's odd and pushy behavior there was someone within a server I've joined who made an announcement about them given they've had experience with this person. Unfortunate experience it seems.

They detailed a lot of things as did a few other moots of mine but one thing in particular stuck out to me. They claimed that this particular person used a whole host of other blogs to stalk/harass them. Then I remember this post.

Wait a second... going to their profile proper we see

Then if we hover over Pom Pom we see

So, not only do they have a laundry list of accounts at their disposal but they use them to circumvent blocks, and then will talk to themselves using these same accounts.

I don't wanna associate with someone like this. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, if I haven't convinced you yet, contact me through tumblr DM's or discord and I can let you know what else I know because their rap sheet is longer than their muse list.

They mass follow people within communities they're active in and even if you block this main blog, they could be on your follower list and you don't even know it. Thusly, I am going to suggest you block this person and their list of alternative blogs, and move on. If I still haven't convinced you, once again hit me up privately because I've got more personal stuff to share that doesn't belong here per se.

I don't wanna see this person victimize other people and that's why I took the time to put out this warning. All that talk earlier from me about "uplifting people" but I'm making a callout post right? Well, once again, I didn't want to originally because I thought I could just move on. But, this is a chronic pattern of behavior exhibited by this person and I don't wanna see them victimize someone else. If me blocking them didn't get them up in arms enough to namedrop me and play the victim themselves we wouldn't be here. Plus, I wasn't the only person addressed in their little callout post.

So, that's the scoop on why I blocked askwendyokoopa and why I believe you should too. They are not worth your time or energy.

The rabbit hole goes deeper but I've rambled long enough.

My discord is available upon request if you'd like to discuss things further. This will be my first and last time addressing them/this situation publicly. I don't do drama and in a month it'll be ten years since I started posting on tumblr. This has never happened to me before and I'd like to keep it that way.

Thank you.

[harmonic-psyche]

Does Anyone "Deserve" Redemption?

Fandom discourse often focuses on whether certain characters deserve to be redeemed. Online fandoms for kid-friendly cartoons (such as Avatar, MLP:FiM, She-Ra, and Steven Universe) seem especially likely to feature intense debates on that topic.

Every time those debates seems to follow the same patterns, so I want to talk about them generally.

One of those patterns is being wrong. Not that everyone involved is wrong, but the debate itself is wrong.

(The framework below is based on real life and then presumed to apply to fiction — just like most criticisms I have seen of fictional redemption arcs.)

I. Is "Deserving Redemption" Contradictory?

Trying to decide who does or doesn't deserve redemption is hard. Factoring in every detail about someone's situation, relationships, history, and moral character to determine what they truly deserve is always a Gordian knot of complexity. Let's start by considering a few simple reasonable statements about ethics:

Every person should be a good person.

"Redemption" means becoming a good (or at least better) person.

Every person should get exactly what they deserve.

Some bad people are so bad that they do not deserve redemption.

From #1 it follows that every person should become better, and that every bad person should be a good person. Put those together with #2 and you get "Every bad person should get redemption."

Put together #3 and #4, though, and you get "Some bad people should not get redemption." #3 and #4 contradict #1 and #2, so at least one of them is wrong. Which?

#1 and #2 strike me as true by definition:

Something is “good” if it is what it should be, so every person should be a good person.

A person who is considered successfully “redeemed” is basically always considered a better person than they were before.

If we accept #3 and #4, then bad people can only deserve redemption by becoming good enough to deserve it. They must become better — but that's what “redemption” means!

Restated a final time, if redemption is making a bad person into a good(/better) person, and someone only deserves redemption by already being a good(/better) enough person, then nobody deserves redemption at all!

But some people should be redeemed. On that point I expect everyone here to agree.

Since #1 and #2 are true, #3 and #4 cannot both be true. We must reject at least one of them. Why not both?

II. Should We Even Say "Deserve"?

I propose scrapping the idea that some people ""deserve"" bad things and do not ""deserve"" good things. We do not even need to use the word ""deserve."" Everyone should become better because becoming better is good, regardless of what anyone ""deserves.""

In my experience the word ""deserve"" has been worse than useless, mostly just causing confusion and rationalizing punitive/vengeful feelings. Conversations about redemption, punishment, and rehabilitation would often benefit from never using the word ""deserve"" at all. Then we can talk about whether trying to redeem someone is helpful.

Everybody (or nobody) ""deserves"" redemption because, at least in my view, the idea that anyone ""deserves"" bad things or does not ""deserve"" good things is usually an unhelpful idea. Throwing it out can give us an even better value system, one which prioritizes harm reduction and helping everyone flourish.

Sometimes punishment is part of redemption. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes punishing a "bad person" makes them worse, and sometimes rehabilitating a "bad person" with zero punishment makes them better. In those cases, punishing the "bad person" is simply unhelpful and so it is wrong.

III. Should Anyone Try To Redeem Their Abuser(s)?

No.

I want to clarify that trying to "redeem" bad people can still go horribly wrong sometimes. Sometimes, trying to redeem someone is not worth the effort. Sometimes that effort is better spent trying to escape from, or remove, that person's power. For example, abuse victim(s) trying to "redeem" or "fix" their abuser(s) is generally a terrible idea.

"Redeeming" someone who abuses their power over other people generally starts by taking away that power. If someone genuinely wants redemption, then they can prove it by giving up their power. If someone does not want redemption, then they cannot be trusted with that power.

Abusers characteristically leverage their relationships with people for power over them. Trying to "redeem" someone by letting them abuse you will basically always fail, as many people have learned the hard way. Arguably it is impossible.

Even if everyone can and should be redeemed, that does not mean that you can redeem them if they refuse to change for the better. Abuse victims should escape if (safely) possible, and in some cases incapacitate their abuser(s), to reduce harm by preventing future abuse.

IV. Caveats: An Incomplete List of Important Factors I Did Not Address in This Post

"Redemption arcs" are a storytelling trope in fiction which often serve a very different purpose than real-life people pursuing self-improvement. Although I believe that the argument above applies to claims about what fictional characters do(n't) ""deserve,"" other factors may limit its application.

If someone defines "redemption" differently than I did above, e.g. as improving someone’s reputation instead of their character, the discussion becomes very different.

In this post I use the word "redemption" interchangeably with "rehabilitation."

The concept of "redemption" originates from, and remains heavily influenced by, a Christian ethical framework. Christian ethics focuses on doing what the Christian god commands. Typically that interpreted to include prioritizing interpersonal forgiveness over harm reduction. But I don't. I do not endorse or recommend using a Christian ethical framework.

[ocisugovorile]

S

Today.

Today is the first time I write about you. Up until now I would read, but not yet write. Writing is different. Writing is an imprint, like the one you left behind this morning at 4am.

Today is the most beautiful day and I don't know is it because the morning started off cold and then got warmer throughout the day, just like me with us, or is it the fact that I finally in so long actually looked up at the sky and noticed the clouds just how I noticed your eyes yesterday, or is it the music to my ears winter wonderland playing in the background just like your words last night.

Today I sit sipping on a hot cup of coffee in a cozy little cafe writing about you. If there is something I can thank you for it is for bringing this version of me back. You got me writing again. I love this version of myself, when my brain fills up with so many beautiful thoughts, I find it a waste to not let the words run out of my fingers and onto this keyboard.

Today is different. Today is better.

I despise that I give you that power, to make me feel this way so early into my new independent life.

But how can I despise a feeling you give me, the reason I left my marriage was in order to feel this again.

And I feel you. who would've thought. I say, not in a million years.

I still question whether our paths crossed at the right or the wrong time.

All I know is that our stars aligned when we both found ourselves in similar situations feeling similar emotions and juggling similar struggles.

Going through it all just like me.

Today I can't get you out of my head. I cannot stop replaying the collarbone kisses. my god did you get me there.

Or when I sat on the floor back up against the couch and from behind you comforted me with soft neck kisses whilst slowly killing me with soul bearing news of bad choices you continuously make like a wave of patterns you so badly run from but somehow always end up in.

You drag me into with you, I find it cruel, but then you so gently comfort me after the pain you give. Your dangerous and messed up and unfortunately, that is my type.

And as I am writing this, I just realized the song I will dedicate to you.

There is a quote I read the other day about you. It goes, I never liked brown eyes until I looked into yours, now they are my favorite.

Your eyes say it all. the comfort that comes with them is crippling but invigorating at the same time.

You have me daydreaming today. Snapping myself out of constant dozing.

Euphoric.

Euphoric is the word. I heard connections that are addicting are the best lived stories, the best poetry and the best lessons, but also the most painful, the biggest heartaches and simply soul breaking.

I don't know if I can take it, but I want to with you. I have taken so much through life. so much heartache, so much pain, I need a break, I deserve a break, but I still choose this risk with you because of the good you give.

I hope you don't let me down.

I spoke to T this morning just after you left. Her face is enough to light up the darkest room. She sees my glow too. The one you put on me. I didn't even mention your name, i didnt need to, you were written all over me and she saw it.

She worries but at the same time she understands.

She prays you don't hurt me. She knows who I am, she knows how gentle I can be, and she knows how much I love and much I hurt. She feels it when I go through it just as I feel hers, our souls are tied and bonded for life.

I am grateful to God for her. I had no hesitation to tell her today about you. That says a lot.

She wants me happy she wants me to live this moment for along as I truly deserve which we both know is at least the number of years I spent in desperation and pure agony in my life.

I told her we will fall in love 1000 times and fall out of love 1000 times, lusts and loves are fazes in life.

I believe people can have multiple loves throughout life at different stages, and that is ok.

Throughout life you are not forever one or the same person and if you are then you are not evolving.

Give your heart to your children, give your ambition and focus into work and give your faith to anything that makes you feel safe.

When love gets bad, leave. But now, after everything the scariest part is.... if love is good and remains good. There is nothing more spine-chilling than the thought of love remaining good.

But as unnerving as it is, is it not beautiful? is it not why we left? to give ourselves the chance for something good.

Quote of the day: The universe will never give you peace in something you were never meant to settle in.

If something is not your destiny, you will know, because you feel it.

And that little voice and little feeling you have inside of you, listen to it, that's your best friend.

Right now, both of my best friends tell me to feel everything I have with you.

-MP

Sunday 10th December 2023

13:22pm - 15:22pm

1000 words.

[unclekoopus]

Art theory states that art should have intention. A dissertation on "AI Art".

A disclaimer first of all that I am someone that has dived deep into AI image generation, I've worked with and created my own models and generated my own images using the open source code. I did this to understand what it is and how it works and I'd say I understand it more than most artists that talk about it online. I feel confident saying that I know what I'm talking about in this matter. I know its capabilities and limitations.

I'm not going to get into the morality of the use of it. I won't defend the rampant theft and copyright violations, I'm someone that believes that AI image gen at the very least should never be used for commercial purposes, but in this post I only want to talk about something else: Tte plain and simple merits of AI art as "Art" itself.

I'll start with repeating my premise statement: "Art theory states that art should have intention in order to be art." Does AI generation meet this criteria? Well, no, not really. Specifically it's not an image generation user's "art" if it is art at all.

With pattern biased algorithmic image generation, AKA "AI art”, someone pressing a button after typing in a prompt just doesn’t amount to a person actually picking and choosing their subject, their composition, and ESPECIALLY their meaning and message. The result is most definitely not the button-pusher's art, the generation is too random and what comes out belongs far more to the machine than to the prompter.

And a machine cannot by itself cogently make the essential choices to make an image successfully have intent. Language models we currently have cannot communicate a person's intent to the machine beyond a few broad strokes tags and trigger words, and pattern bias will often supercede those prompts anyway. A discerning eye will always be able to tell which decisions were made by a machine because it is not making them in the way a human being would, they appear uncanny in the most basic way. The generator is not understanding and interpreting the space and subject in the way that someone who lives and breathes with binocular vision and a human's infinitely more adaptable brain would.

The generator is incapable of truly understanding stylization or design principals, and all its continual, persistent mistakes in numbers of fingers, in anomalous anatomy, and broken gestalt, in nonsensical perspective, and merged and floating objects are a byproduct of this lack of living intelligence. These are things that will never go away, no matter how much data is fed into it because it is flawed at the core by the very basis of its pattern bias. It cannot "learn" how to fix them and so it can only hope to, at best, get lucky enough, or generate enough iterations of the same prompt that the images won't show the cracks. And that process is not creative, it's gambling at a slot machine hoping for a payout.

AI gen really is just a parlor trick at this moment in time, it’s a parrot that’s been taught to repeat phrases in response to certain stimuli to fool you into thinking you’re having a conversation, but it’s just really been trained to recognize noises, not meaning. It's a very pretty bird, but it's no replacement for the real thing, and the longer you "talk" with it, the more obvious that will become.

Art, the real art that the machine is trying and failing to learn from and replicate, requires a human’s creativity and problem solving to be able to make the decisions that will create a piece of art that someone can confidently call their own.

[anonymousbeefriendfanfics]

Cassiopeia

Full Name: Cassiopeia

Pronouns: She/Her

Fandom: Touchstarved

Cassiopeia is my first Touchstarved oc. She is the cursed main character, with the Alchemist background. She hasn’t been fully developed yet, as I’m waiting on the release of the full game to learn more about the world and backgrounds.

Despite her life thus far, Cassiopeia has never fully lost her tendency to look on the positive side of things. It’s all she has, and she stubbornly clings to the belief that hope can be found in the bleakest of circumstances, if only to prevent herself from giving up entirely. This hope is what leads her to Eridia, seeking a solution to her curse, because she longs more than anything for a normal life.

Living as the mage’s apprentice has been a rather lonely existence for her, as she was kept away from most people. It was a precaution, really, to avoid any incidents with her curse. She can be a little shy and awkward around new people, mostly because she doesn’t have the best social skills, and she tends to instinctively keep quiet around crowds.

Due in part to her upbringing, she has two obsessions - the stars, and books. From the time she was little, stars were her one true love, and she’s spent more nights than she can count lying on her back and staring up at the sky. The stars have always brought her a special kind of comfort - they’re always there, even when she cannot see them, always in the same familiar patterns. Over the years, she learned their names, their constellations, their stories, every bit of knowledge she could find about the world above. When she feels particularly lost and alone, she can often be found looking up, seeking the comfort of the celestial bodies she has grown so fond of. They are her closest friends, and though they’ve never spoken a word to her, she has often poured out her heart to them when alone on a starry night.

She adores reading, and will devour any book you give her access to. Reading allows her to temporarily escape to another world, one where she isn’t cursed, one where she can touch and be touched without people descending into madness. If you asked her favorite genre, she would tell you it was fantasy, or perhaps historical fiction, from a time before Fogfall. In reality, however, her true favorite is romance. She longs for a connection with other people, to be loved despite her curse, despite being a freak of nature. She knows it is not possible in reality, not for her, but she cannot resist the allure of reading about people luckier than she is finding their true love and getting the happily ever after that she is forbidden.

She truly believed that the mage, her ‘mother,’ would help her find a cure to her curse, would find a way to help her, but alas… it was not to be. Once she discovered that the person who had been raising her, teaching her everything she knows, the one person she trusted above all others - had been using her as a test subject… Well, she was heartbroken, to put it simply. She quietly packed everything she possessed and struck out on her own, seeking help in the one place left that she could think to go - the Senobium.

Her love interest is Mhin. She was instantly drawn to them, and while her head doesn’t fully trust them yet, her heart would trust them with her life. She doesn’t quite understand her feelings, her desire to get closer to them, but she wants to help them both find a cure for their curses. Their loneliness strikes a chord within her heart, and she becomes determined to earn their trust, to show them that the world isn’t all as bad as they think. They’re very similar in some ways, yet opposites in others, so they complement one another quite well. She is the stubborn optimist where they are the equally stubborn pessimist, her aesthetic is dark where theirs is light. She sees the best in people when they only see the worst, yet both are equally terrified of getting too close to someone and getting hurt.

Cassiopeia - also known as Cass or Cassie by those close to her, a list which has recently become empty - is tall and thin when she arrives in Eridia, her pale skin rarely exposed to the sun and long black hair kept in a messy braid. Once she settles in properly, though, she begins to look much better, and less like the fleeing refugee she was - she becomes a much healthier weight once she can stop rationing her food, and wears clothes nicer than the rags she wore when she first showed up. Her wardrobe consists of a lot of dark blue, complementing her blue eyes, and she enjoys wearing anything with a starry aesthetic. She wears black gloves instead of bandages to cover up her hands, and wears a dark blue cloak, both for comfort and for ease of hiding when necessary.

She’s also grown much stronger during her time in Eridia, mostly because she begins to train for it. She never really had to worry about the Soulless before, living in her secluded tower like a princess from her fairy tales, but now she does, and she hates the helpless feeling they give her. She gets advice from Leander on how to strengthen her muscles, and begs Mhin to teach her to fight. She finally convinces them, both because they didn’t want to have to keep saving her, and because she said if they didn’t, she’d go and ask Ais instead. I could see her preferring a bow and arrow, taking Soulless down from afar with carefully aimed shots, though I’m not sure how practical that would be - chances are, she ends up with a dagger similar to Mhin’s, and keeps it carefully sheathed on her hip at all times.

[ceedaryaps]

Bridgerton Season 3 Spoilers!!!!!!!

So I finally had a day off and could wacth season 3 of Bridgerton and oh.my.god. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.So three things before I get into the meat of it. First of all, I sincerely hope that Violet and Lady Danburys brother get a chance to connect more MAMA VIOLET DESERVES LOVE TOO! Seecond the fact that Anthony cannottt keep his hands off Kate is so hilarious to me like get awf that lady and let her breathe. And third Francesa being a subtle autism rep is so amazing to me, as an autizzy person myself seeing someone with the same mannerisms as me within a romance setting is so refreshing like it truly puts joy in my heart. And also the sign language in the first episode???? love itttttt, they truly perfected diversity without shoehorning it.

Now to the meattttttt of it.

Now friends to lovers has never personally been my thing and in terms of each bridgerton show im gonna rank this leason my second least favorite but thats NOT to say I dont like it I very much enjoyed this season but i do have my critiques.

1

While I get a giggle out of Pen's sisters I cannot stand her family as a whole, for the simple fact that they treat her as if no one would EVER want her just because she plus sized and has "odd interest" in their words, it infuriated me how her mother wanted Pen to say yes not because she was happy for her but because she truly thought this would be Pen's only chance. Despite my disliking her family it was a good plot point for her to finally decide to make a change and put herself out there. I feel like in her previous two seaons for her she didnt put herself out there because, as weve seen, she has a huge lack of confidence that it was more than likely the work of her mothers and her sisters doing. I also loveeee the wardrobe change from bright gaudy colors and patterns to more Bridgerton esqe colors in her wardrobe. The wardrobe in Bridgerton has always amazed me but putting Pen in that light blue was amazinggg she was gorgeous and glowing. Even her sisters were eating this season like props to wardrobe and makeup bc they ate. Im so worried to see whats going to happen when Collin eventually finds out shes lady whistle down like omgggg.

2

I don't hate Eloise and Cressida NOW HEAR ME OUT OKAY. Cressida is still not a good person at all but I'm so glad we got to see more of her character bc it definitely shed light into why she acts that way. It would be completely ignorant to sit there and believe that the pressures of the ton to be perfect and find husbands quickly and avoid scandal WOULDNT make the girls get a little nasty with each other. The pressure from her parents specifically made me go "Oh girl I think id get nasty too if those were my folks." In no way does it excuse her treatment of Pen tho!! I also liked that it was Cressida who clocked Eloise's tea about her pointing fingers immediately at her when Pen got exsposed. Not to mention when the girlies came to Cressida for tea SISTA DID NOT FOLD!!!! She politely said naur and kept it pushing. Like I understand Cressida was neverrr the nicest and was a gossip but if Eloise decided to hang around her then she shoulda had faith in the girl. Like Eloise I love you but doooo betterrrr. Don't get me wrong at all yall Eloise is my fav but I'm glad people are clocking her for her shittt. I hope Cressida and Elosie stay friends but they constantly build off of each other to be better bc I loved how Eloise made her dislike of Cressida's treatment towards Pen known.

2.5

This is so unrelated but i love bennedict BAD hes sooooo idk yall I need him.

3

COLLIN BRIDGERTON IM HERE TO CLOCK YOUR TEA.

Imma be real I might be bitter bc I feel like Pen shoulda made that man grovel. After what he said about her to his friends in the previous season he should have been on his hands and knees BEGGING for her forgiveness she let him off too easy. Also I don't really appreciate that it took another man giving Pen attention for his stupid ass to finally be like "Oh shed kinda bad actually." I ALSO don't like how when he described how he liked Pen as a friend it wasn't because of her actual qualities it was how she made HIM feel. "You're always here to listen to me and give me a new perspective!" Sir you could have just said she was very insightful, you enjoy her company SOMETHING other than a service she has done for you. That why Im glad he was suffering so bad every time he saw them together he was SICK to his stomach and I'm here for it.

All in all I cant wait to see how things go down next bc I think everyine is gonna reap what they sow Pen, Collin, Eloise EVERYONE. bc the sneak peak looked crazyyyyyy.

Anyways the next thing I should post will be the Finnal Gambit the last book in the trilogy of the hawthorn legacy series.

See yall later!

[opalstonedyke]

Sorry if this is weird but I NEED to know if you have a curl routine because your hair always looks so gorgeous whenever you post it!!!

Anyway I hope you’re having a great day!!!:D

-curly haired femme who always looks slightly frazzled

Ofcourse!! Not weird at all! Hereby follows:

OPAL'S PERFECTED TRIED-AND-TRUE DAILY CURL ROUTINE !

Step one: shower

I shower daily, and use head & shoulders smooth&silky shampoo to wash my hair thoughroly, sometimes even double shampoo. I know, I know, it dries out your hair and stuff, but I cannot put on pj's and go to bed covered with outside germs. Ain't happening. Plus the daily product buildup is FIERCE so it's good to have a fresh start every night. After shampooing I use the regular head&shoulders conditioner. Out of the shower I dry my hair a little bit by sliding the towel gently over my hair and dabbing lightly. Just getting it to the point of not literally sopping wet.

Step two: product

What you're going to need:

This thing, which my mom gets from idk where. But shoutout my mom for helping me out here.

I take two pumps of the cream, spread it on my palms and use my hands to comb through my hair gently in a backwards slicking motion. At this point you should look like a a douche that slicks their hair back. Then I lightly shake my hair out with my fingers, take another pump of the cream, spread it on my palms, and squeeze it into larger clumps of curls.

Pattern strong hold gel. I get it off Amazon, and truly, this is the best hair gel I've ever used. It holds the hair firmly without leaving it sticky or crusty. I love it tons! I take a small amount (of course this is going to differ according to the amount of hair you have, this is for my neck-length mullet) about 2 fingers worth, and once again rub it into my palms and slick my hair back flat like a douche. At this point I shake my hair out to not be flat with my fingers and wipe my hands so I can brush.

Next, you're going to need one of those large-tooth curl combs. I use this one by fifi but they're all basically the same thing. What you want to do is a technique called "ribbon curling", which was the absolute GAME CHANGER on controlling frizz and getting bouncy, satisfying curls. You should definitely look up a video to get a better understanding, but the basics is that you're gonna want to grab a small section of hair, and comb it UP & OUTWARDS while "sandwiching" the hair with your finger, pressing it on the comb. I do that for my fringe, the top part of the back of my head, and the bottom part of my hair, but for the bottom part, I curl it DOWN & INWARDS, so it curls towards the neck.

Afterwards I just spray 4-6 spritzes of this amazing texture spray, it makes your hair look moist and soft, it's a subtle effect but I never skip this step. It's like a lucky charm for my hair.

step 3: hawt air

I dont do this every day, but if im going to bed (NVER SLEEP WITH WET HAIR) or going out and I need to get my hair dry quicker, I use a Dyson airwrap with the diffuser attachment (it doesn't come with a diffuser, you're gonna need to get it online, I got mine off aliexpress for 10 bucks) I use the lowest heat setting, and just "cast diffuse" which just means I let the airwrap hover 3-5 inches from my head, drying my hair without touching it. Then I cast diffuse for a couple more minutes with my fingers in my hair, lifting it up and drying it for volume. At this point, your hair is going to be kind of dry but not fully. If i'm going out, I let it air dry for another 40 mins- an hour, (I just do my makeup and get dressed and usually it takes me that amount of time lol) and then I use my fingers to ruffle out my curls gently and break the gel cast. If im going to bed, I don't break the cast, I just let it air dry a little bit more (20-30 mins) and then wrap my hair gently in a silk scarf, and go to bed! :) by the morning my hair is dry and I can break the cast and it looks the same as if I'd just done it this morning.

Step 4: enjoy being the sexiest mf in all of the land!!!!@!!!! Bounce and jump around to show off your amazing shiny curls and let all the dykes marvel at your crown, running their fingers through it and giving you their phone numbers.

Hope this is intelligible :) my dms and asks are always open for questions or anything else!!! Thank you for asking love you bye 😚😚😚