writingescapades

[writingescapades]

Taking Care

Pairing: Rafayel x Fem|Reader

Prompt: Mini fic of Reader being a soft!dom with the lads. (Not necessarily sexual, just sweet 'let me take care of you' vibes)

Word count: 1k

Links to the other lads: (Sylus) (Xavier) (Zayne)

You hadn’t heard from Rafayel in a couple days which was…concerning. For someone that got upset when you forgot to text him at least once a day his radio silence was baffling. You texted, you called, but nothing. You even tried asking Thomas but he just shrugged and said that sometimes when Rafayel was working on a new piece he went full hermit mode. No one but the food delivery driver was going to see him.

You decided that just wouldn’t do. You knew how Rafayel was and you would not put it past him to forget to eat or sleep because he was too in the zone while working. So you went to the store to buy some ingredients for a home cooked dinner and went to his place. You let yourself in using the spare key he had given you and wandered in. No signs of life in the living room or kitchen. You put the groceries away and went to the studio.

Sure enough, there he was. He was sat in the middle of the floor hunched over a canvas. There was some old half eaten food containers shoved off to the side and various sketches scattered around the floor.

“Raf,” you said, “Still alive over there?”

He sat up straight and you could hear his bones crack as he straightened. You could see him wince as he stretched and turned to look at you. “Oh hi,” he said, “What are you doing here?”

“You weren’t answering your phone, I came to check on you.” you got closer and noticed that his entire person was covered in smudges of paint both fresh and dried. His hair was greasy and lank, and there were huge bags under his eyes. There was also an undeniable funk coming off of him that made your nose wrinkle. “Good thing I did too. What on earth are you doing?”

“Inspiration called and I had to answer.” he gestured to the painting. “She’s nearly done. I’ve been adding the finishing touches.”

“Okay. Glad to know you’ve been working hard but this is too much. You smell terrible and when was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t need sleep.”

“Yes, you very much do.” you held out your hand, “You can finish your painting tomorrow. You’re mine tonight.”

“Oh really?”

“Not in that way. Come on.” you hauled him to his feet and pulled him into the bathroom.

“Cutie, this really isn’t necessary--”

“Raf, sweetie,” you cupped his face, “You don’t look well. I knew there was a chance you weren’t taking care of yourself but I didn’t realize it was this bad. Now come along, we’re gonna get you cleaned up, I’m making us dinner, and then you are going to bed. Got it?”

“I know better than to say no to you.” he smiled. “What do you want me to do first?”

“You can start by brushing your teeth and having a shave, you’re stubbly.” you turned him to the sink. “I’m gonna draw you a bath.”

After he had finished you ordered him to strip and get in the tub. There was a cheeky offer to join him but you shook your head and told him he wasn’t getting anything like that until after he had a full night’s sleep. You did however sit at the edge of the tub and reclined his head back so you could wash his hair and massage his scalp. A deep sigh of satisfaction left him as you gently lathered the grease out of his hair. You left him to dry himself off and went to the bedroom to grab a change of clothes and threw his dirty clothes in the wash.

He looked so much better. “There’s my clean soft boyfriend again.” Without having to worry about his bad breath you pulled him down and gave him a kiss, little droplets of water from his still wet hair dripped onto your hands. “Feeling any better?”

“Much.”

“Good. Now come along. I’m gonna get dinner started.”

“Want any help?”

“No. You’ll just slow me down. You can pick out a movie for us to watch though.” you pulled him into the living room and sat him down on the couch. “Stay.”

“Yes ma’am.” he gave a little salute and turned on the TV. You went into the kitchen and started cooking. It wasn’t anything extravagant, just some simple porridge that was filling and hearty.

As you were cooking you kept glancing over at Rafayel just to make sure he was still doing okay. It broke your heart seeing how little he was taking care of himself. Was this what he was like before? How many times had he done something like this? Did Thomas pull him out of his spirals or did he end up just crashing and took care of himself after he got some actual sleep? You didn’t want to know. He had you now and you weren’t going to let him keep up these kinds of bad habits. Inspiration be damned! His health mattered more to you.

Once the food was ready you handed a large serving over to him, threw a blanket over your laps, and settled down to watch the movie he had picked. “Thanks for doing all this. It wasn’t necessary though. I was fine.”

“You were most decidedly not fine, Raf.” you ran a hand through his hair. “You looked like death warmed over and smelled just as bad. It’s not just you anymore, you have to take better care of yourself, doesn’t matter about inspiration. I want you healthy. And if you can’t be trusted to take care of yourself then I’ll do it for you.”

“I’m glad to have such an attentive caretaker.” he leaned his head on your shoulder. “I might just fall asleep right here.”

“Not until after you eat.” you picked up a spoonful of porridge and brought it to his mouth. “Eat.”

“You’re also a very no nonsense kind of caretaker.” Rafayel sighed but happily opened his mouth to accept the porridge.

“I don’t mess around when it comes to caring for what I love.” you kissed the top of his head. “Now keep eating, we’ll go to bed in a bit.”

After dinner was eaten and the movie finished Rafayel was really close to nodding off. He had started slipping about three quarters of the way through the film. When you asked him if he wanted to go to bed he shook his head and said he wanted to finish the movie first. You figured he was just too comfortable curled up next to you to want to move. But when the credits started rolling you dragged him off to the bedroom so he could have a sleep in a proper bed.

You snuggled in next to him, holding him close. “Good night, Raf. Sweet dreams.”

“So long as you are here, I know they will be.” he sighed, his eyes slipping closed. “I love you.”

You smiled and kissed his sleeping face. ���Love you too.”

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I saw a post on how there are 6 guys and they are supposed to be contrasting pairs.

So:

Zayne - Caleb

Xavier - Sylus

Rafayel - ?

and I started to laugh thinking, what if Rafayel's contrast is just the Sea God?

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I don’t think this has been requested yet so, could you guve headcanons for Rafayel where he has a nightmare on loosing MC, wakes up and realizes she’s not there? Maybe she’s gone for a late night mission or got an important call etc, what would he do??

Thanks!

hi!! feel free to read this too!!

Rafayel suffers from nightmares more often than he admits to you. You know that he does because he's such a restless sleeper. You thought it's just something he does but the more nights you spent with him, the more you realised that it was a symptom of these seemingly endless nightmares he has. You feel awful about how frequently they happen but you also can't do anything about it because he won't tell you about them.

He's holding you as you sleep and normally, you sleep through the night when he's got his face buried in your neck but you seriously need to pee. You think about just laying there and seeing if you can go back to bed but you know you'll sleep better if your body isn't spazzing out at you and decide to get up. As you get up you get distracted by a video on your phone, scrolling through others as you sit on your couch to watch them, not wanting to wake Rafayel.

Unbeknownst to you, he already started waking up as you were squirming around, feeling your weight shift in his arms. He hates how cold his body gets without you there. He sits in that moment between sleepiness and wakefulness, dreaming of your body going cold in his hands. That wakes him up immediately, Rafayel sitting straight up as he looks for you.

When he doesn't see you he immediately gets out of bed to look for you, calling your name. Every time you don't reply his heart rate increases. He's near hysterics when he hears your phone playing a video, finding you slumped over on the couch. At first he thinks you've been attacked, immediately trying to ascertain how hurt you are until he hears your soft breathing, totally unobstructed.

He doesn't bother going back to sleep on his bed. He just curls up with you on the couch and holds you tight, letting you hold him as he falls back asleep in your arms. You try to ask him what happened the next morning but he's tight lipped about it, telling you that you pretty little head doesn't need to be worrying about such nonsense.

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raf doodles from september -> january! ive been trying to get better at drawing his face 😭

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Anyone else feel like the LADs story is too complicated?

Like I'm not part of the brainrot generation, but I've never cared for soap operas, and that's what this feels like.

And yeah, I get it, real people are complicated, and that makes the story more realistic.

But I just wanted to kiss cute soft boys, not trauma.

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I see quite a few posts from other people on here that make me think that a majority of the LaDS fandom just intentionally bullies and picks on Rafayel and so I just had to share my thoughts

listen. you don't have to like Rafayel. he doesn't have to be your favorite of the LIs. but the way some of y'all portray him, as this whiny, bratty, diva of an artist with basically little to no other substance, is a gross misrepresentation of his character

this is a man that literally gave up his entire people and civilization in order to be with MC and y'all are telling me that this is how you see him???

seems to me like y'all are completely misunderstanding his character — intentionally, for some of you

this is a man that is terrified

he gave up Lemuria and his fellow Lemurians for MC, only to end up losing her

and now that he's found her in this life, he's terrified of losing her again

his personality — his "tsundere"-ness towards MC — is nothing more than a mask. a mask to hide his true feelings. a mask to hide how completely and utterly devoted he is to her

and if you stop and really think about it for more than five seconds, it makes sense why he would want to keep his true feelings hidden away from her. he fears abandonment. he fears losing her again. he doesn't want to be alone again

this man is willing to use whatever means necessary to quite literally stalk MC just so he can be sure that she is safe. because if he loses her again I'm pretty sure that will be the end of the world for him

he's bonded to her for life. of course he has to keep his feelings hidden behind a facade of aloofness and nonchalance. because if he were to let his devotion to her show, and something were to happen that caused her to disappear from his life again, the very essence of his entire being would be shattered

anyways you can bet your ass that I would go to war to defend my fishie and I will not tolerate any slander of him on my page /j /pos

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Tempest Rising

Part 1

Part 2

When Pinocchio asked to stay over for a few days, you were sure Geppetto would storm in and drag his son back, kicking you out for good measure. You wanted to ask Pinocchio what his father would do, doodling on a paper as you mulled over every possibility and what to do about it. But the esteemed engineer’s son completely crashed onto your pull-out sofa bed and had yet to wake up. You snuck around getting ready this morning and left a note with a spare key.

              It’s your house. Do as you like.

At work, whenever your thoughts drifted, they would return to Pinocchio and the previous night’s events. Your eyes would drift to your phone, hoping to see an unknown number message you. As you made your way home, you worried over whether Geppetto revoked your entrance key. You didn’t have anyone’s contact number in the building. You half expected to see your stuff lying in the entranceway, but only silence greeted you and your key worked. As you walked to your apartment door, you could hear mewls coming from inside. Was Geppetto inside? Did he have Spring?

Hurriedly, you opened the door only to see Pinocchio cuddling Spring in his arms. The cat nuzzled and pawed at his face and the two seemed to be in their own world until you swung the door opened. Alert blue eyes shot at you but then an easy smile crept up Pinocchio’s face.

“Did Geppetto come by?” you asked.

Pinocchio shook his head, then put down the cat. Spring made her way to you and purred as she wrapped around your feet.

“Welcome home,” Pinocchio greeted.

It was odd hearing someone greet your return. You weren’t sure what you were supposed to do or say, and now that the fear of Geppetto kicking you out was fading, you found yourself falling back on old habits.

“Your sisters?” you signed, ignoring his welcome.

Pinocchio pointed down then shrugged when you asked about his father again. You sighed, and as the day’s exhaustion came back upon you, you realized you were starving. You glanced around at the kitchen and saw that it had remained untouched. As if anticipating your question, Pinocchio started to talk and sign.

“Went to work. Came back a little before you did”.

You nodded then searched around the kitchen.

“No food,” Pinocchio called out and his stomach growled acquiesced.

Pinocchio, you realized, was a very strong man, easily lifting items to put into the cart. You had to stop him a couple of times from buying too much food. His presence in your house, you clearly understood, was a temporary one, and you didn’t want food to go to waste. You expected him to be subdued, even worried, over his and his sister’s situation. Instead the man was almost ignorant, easily swinging an arm as he carried Spring’s cat food across his shoulder. He looked back and gave you a boyish grin, though you supposed it was because you suggested making a meal that he, apparently, loved.

All throughout the evening, you found yourself unnerved by Pinocchio’s presence. He offered to cut the tomatoes, then dutifully watched over the pasta while you made the sauce. You did the dished together, and he helped you clean the kitchen and prep for the next day. It wasn’t that you didn’t like it, you were just unaccustomed to it. Unsure, really, about what he wanted and how to respond. He always turned to you, as if waiting for an order, and when you had nothing to say, he went off to play with Spring. With nothing else to do, you accompanied him, silently watching for the most part until your eyes closed. You didn’t see the soft look on Pinocchio’s face when he saw you were asleep. Nor did you wake up when he gently lifted you and placed you into your bed, taking time to tuck you in and turn your alarm on. You didn’t realize anything until you woke up the next day to your alarm, and Spring’s warm presence on your chest.

Hours after you left for work, Pinocchio glanced around your apartment. Bare white walls. Bare minimum furniture, most of it simple and second-hand. All your kitchen tools fit into one cabinet, and until last night, your fridge was barely stocked. He looked at Spring as she began to scratch the sofa bed. Already the cat started to mark her existence with her fur and cat toys littered around, though you were prompt to go after the cat hair. As he got ready to head out, Pinocchio noticed that all the notes he and his sisters gave you were individually stuck onto the fridge. He smiled and an idea started to form.

Day 1:

You came home to find flowers everywhere. Flowers in vases, in pots, or shoved into old mugs and ceramics. You certainly didn’t own any of it and would have assumed that you somehow entered the wrong apartment, if it wasn’t for Pinocchio sitting on a bar stool greeting you.

“What are the flowers for?” you signed.

“Because I wanted them,” was the only answer he provided.

You did tell him the flat was his to make home, so you couldn’t really complain about the flowers – not that you had any complaint. You wondered how you would take care of them all.

Day 3:

Pinocchio left early that day. After watering the flowers and giving the cut flowers fresh water, you noticed a piece of paper on the fridge with the instructions, “Add something”. Below the words was a circle. Bemused, you added a silly face and a flower hat before heading out.

Day 4:

Pinocchio added a clown costume to the drawing.

Day 6:

Pinocchio brought home his favourite tea set. While the pot simmered, he dealt cards and you both spent the evening attempting to best the other at each card game you knew. Accusations and laughter filled the room, and the tea cups often had to be reheated.

Day 7:

A new drawing was added. This time a square. You added a few more, making it look like a robot.

Day 10:

It was the weekend. Sophia and Eugenie came over. Upon seeing Spring, Eugenie ran over and hugged the cat. The two were inseparable for the evening, but somehow, the four of you managed to play board games while Spring ran about, often knocking over pieces from the game. Shouts of annoyance filled the room, bringing even Venigni over. As the night broke into day, melancholy overtook the room. Eugenie was sprawled out, asleep on the sofa bed with Spring curled up near her. Sophia sat on the ground nearby and Venigni sat next to her. He placed an arm over her shoulders, and you realized then who it was Venigni had been texting the night Geppetto tried to take Spring, and why he even stayed in this apartment complex. A small smile appeared on your face as you nodded off, not noticing whose shoulder your head rested on.

Sophia shot her brother a knowing look, but Pinocchio only raised an eyebrow at her before turning to attend to you.

Day 12:

This time it was Pinocchio who came home to see your bright smile and hear your welcome. This time it was you who left a drawing prompt on the fridge for him to complete. After dinner, you brought out an old duffle bag and beckoned Pinocchio to open it. Inside he found traces of your existence that was desperately missing in the apartment. All your hobbies and old projects tucked neatly away, as if waiting for some archivist to stumble onto them, and hopefully, shine a little light onto your otherwise empty life. Pinocchio wasted no time in taking everything out of the bag, shoving things into every free space he could find. By now the apartment was cluttered with stuff. His clothes and fencing materials. Eugenie’s stuff, for now the sister practically lived here to be near Spring. Even Sophia often left behind an item or two. But you never complained. How could you? For once, life felt like it was blooming. Like there was a place for you and a space for your interests with people who wanted to be with you and worried when they went a day without hearing from you.

But in your life, good things always seemed too good to be true.

Day 15:

You came home early. Sitting on your kitchen counter was Geppetto. He didn’t even bother turning around to greet you and sat as if he was at risk of being infected. Fear surged through you as you slowly backed out of the apartment.

“Stay where you are. This won’t be long”.

Geppetto turned to look down at you with undisguised disgust.

“First my daughter taken over the company and betrays me by partnering with that Venigni when Manus was clearly more ambitious. Then you fiddle with my son, distracting him from his responsibilities. And now you have my daughter looped around you instead of focusing on her duties to me as her provider!

I warned you and I will not be stopped now”.

Saying so, Geppetto slipped off the chair and all but thrust papers into your chest as he walked out the door. He didn’t have to say any parting words, for the word on the paper in all caps spoke everything. EVICTED.

Day 16:

He gave you less than and hour and had a guard on duty to escort you out. You passed Pinocchio on your way out, but before you could say anything to his stunned face, the guard blocked your view and all but shoved you out of the gated community, taking your entry key.

Day 20:

Sophia managed to track you down and brought you over for tea. You sat quietly, sipping tea, pointedly not saying anything to her brother who sat across from you. In the time she got to know you, Sophia understood your character. How could she not when she saw traces of herself in you. The same refusal to show any weakness. To appear well composed and ready at all times. Even now, you refused to wallow in your situation. She knew you were going through many plans, and she knew the consequences of such a life. You had the makings of a leader in you, but no concrete backing. Sophia had her siblings, a multi-million business that she led, and more recently, a partner who truly saw and loved her. She had her scars too, and her father’s gouged deep into her skin. But, she thought, looking over at Pinocchio, our father has gouged his soul.

As she sat back down, Sophia wondered over how she would broach the topic. Despite all her powers, she could not legally contest the eviction. The property belonged to her father, entirely. You were entirely within your right to only concern yourself with finding a home, but somehow, Sophia knew deep down that you would not be content with a quiet life anymore.

“He has been doing this since we were young. Every member of our family has suffered under our father’s ministrations”.

Sophia glanced once at P before continuing. “Every time we carved something of an existence for ourselves, our father would tolerate it only while it suited him. The moment he felt it diverted us, he would destroy our home, and it would take months before we could bear to start again”.

Again, Sophia looked at her brother. He still looked away, but his hands gripped the table. Sophia looked around their apartment. Gone were the photos, drawings, blueprints, and other traces of their identity from the walls. The books were all put away. Only those related to business and engineering remained. The kitchen no longer had any snacks or tea. Spring had disappeared.

“This home lasted the longest before our father came, again”.

Sophia sighed and rubbed her temple, allowing a modicum of her true emotion slip through as she stared at her tea cup. The dark liquid emitted an aromatic aroma, but Sophia felt nauseas at the thought of drinking such bitter tea. It wasn’t that she needed milk in her tea, but their father preferred to tea black, and so no milk was brought into the house. Staring at her cup, it took all her control to not smash the cup into the wall.

Instead, Sophia snapped her head up and in a clipped tone asked, “Are you ready to fight for us? For P?”

It was a big gamble, but Sophia’s life has been nothing but big gambles.

Slowly you brought your eyes to look at her, then at P. Pinocchio stared at you, then looked down as if defeated. Anger that had welled in you for weeks finally rose into a tempest. You opened your mouth, and spoke.

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First post, hello Tumblr.com

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Rafayel's Gem Affection outfit without the upper fabrics - edit by me

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Speculations on Rafayel’s bond. Just me rambling while working on drafts.

Rafayel mentions that when Lemurians truly love someone all their senses are able to perceive them unquestioned. This makes me wonder how it works, but also to what extent does he feel.

With the latest events and the increase in intimacy the game depicts, I know there are a lot of theories that Rafayel perceived that MC wanted him and was responding to her. That's very possible, but I can't help but ponder more about this bond.

See if 2 Lemurians were bonded, they both would perceive each other, and the emphasis on the word unquestioned implies like almost this inability to resist - which we do see when MC orders Rafayel through their bond. He always questions as a way to resist her, or she explains when she is or is not ordering him, but why would such a bond need to exist between 2 Lemurians? And could not such a bond be taken advantage of by Lemurians as well as humans?

Also, I wonder how Rafayel feels knowing this his partner can never be bonded to him, thus can never feel what he's feeling. Does it bother him or is it a relief? I think that's partly why he keeps asking her that if he became someone / something else, would she still want to be with him? And maybe that also explains why he's more open with wanting her attention - because she can't perceive him like he can. But it probably also hurts him too because somethings are too hard to explain through words, but to not have someone who can feel what you're feeling is a very human reality. We can't experience someone's emotions, and I think it's something that frustrates Rafayel but also eases his worries because that man has secrets galore.

Another thought I had was that, so far, we've only really seen this bond showing up when MC / Rafayel were in intimate situations - like in the ebb and flow story and this recent one. So does it only show up for specific emotions? Or when MC calls out to Rafayel - like how we see in the story where she is drowning and calls out to him (technically this happens twice). If it only appears when MC truly wants him / calls out to him, than that makes the recent intimate event really interesting because it shows how important consent is to Rafayel. Despite knowing emotionally what MC wanted, he still asked her for verbal consent. It's also interesting that he obtains her consent given his history of being enslaved and hunted by humans. The man has god worthy ethics and morals.

BUUUT, if Rafayel can sense all MC's emotions, does that mean he can also sense when MC is in pain or distress? Does that mean he's experienced every death she has? Is that why he knew she was injured in that one audio story, or was the one to wake her from her dream about being a seawitch?

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LaDs Theory :

Analysing “Intertidal Zone”

Finally this monster is finished! As in the others I take you with me throughout the play.

I hope you like it, that it helps with understanding Rafayel and his card and I’m also looking forward to share my view on this 🩷

Link to another good analysis that I’m referring to during mine

Let's start with the name of the card and its meaning. I found an informative article from National Geographic.

Shortly it's an ecosystem with extreme changes and I think that's the whole tenor of this card. The relationship between Rafayel and MC also has extreme changes.

There's a time when he has to live without her, without her touch, without her love, without her attention. A time where he waits and waits for her to return and to be with him again.

And there is the time when the waiting is over, where she’s his and he is hers, where everything is flooded with colors and life and joy. Where they can be together until the circle starts anew.

Mc and Rafayel are in a restaurant eating dinner. He complains about the food quality and how stuffy it is compared to the last time he was here. He already dried some stuff on napkins and isn't satisfied with his drawings as MC is going to comfort him.

Rafayel struggles to breathe as he snuggles onto MC's shoulders. He’s even acting strange when they arrive, according to MC it's because of the climate. She wants to bring him back to the hotel but he refuses, saying he feels better as long as he is close to her like this.

I first thought that it might be Ebb&Flow for him since he’s heated and so extremely touchy-feely and not because of the climate. And I’m still thinking that his behavior is not from the hot dry weather alone. They had been in deserted places before like in Gem Affection and he didn't feel that uncomfortable. So what’s the true reason?

Retrospective on how this journey started:

Rafayel experiences a tough art block and needs her to help him out. And of course, she heads over to his place to help him. She sees a flier and luggage and after a short bickering, they fly together to Aridum.

In the hotel, a letter for Rafayel is addressed in her room. After short confusion, she takes it and the attendee informs her that it’s going to be snow in the northern parts for the next few days.

As entering his room to bring him the letter, Rafayel just leaves the bathroom, still hot and feeling unwell. He still is unable to create art and MC tries again to comfort him, to take things slow and without pressure.

Rafayel has some moments to show his vulnerability sits beside her in the bed, saying that he doesn't feel for painting as he did before.

“If I one day, I become someone who only takes from you…” “If I were like that, would you leave me?”

And Mc refuses, saying that her life has long been consumed by him and that it is nothing but a delightful mess now.” and ensures him that he’s nobody who only takes. She goes even further, caressing him and telling him he’s overthinking.

I think that's an amazing reaction from her and a huge evolution in their relationship. Firstly Rafayel finally can be so vulnerable around her, showing how anxious he feels and how many thoughts and feelings are running wild in his head.

Secondly, she finally shows empathy and understanding towards him. I remember how upset I was in “Private Trip” at the end where he put his heart out and she stomped on it because of her insensitive behavior. The only time I really wanted to shove her aside and handle things differently. The more happy I was that she could give him the comfort and support he needs in times like these. Loved it!

And after he shows his gratitude with a little kiss on her palm she recognizes that he still burns up.

Rafayels lips are warm on her neck and MC receives a trail of kisses along her hand. As he wants to kiss her properly a can laying on the floor topples over and interrupts them before anything could happen.

His entire body feels hot and his skin is dry, yet his eyes appear as if they are caught in the rainy season. He breaths heavily (and how sexy this sounds! God, I’m really weak if they let him breathe and whimper like this 🫣)

He admits that he feels strange since they arrived in Aridum, how the air feels like it's burning like there is not enough moisture. How his heart is racing and how miserable he feels. He’s more restless than anxious as he admits. Rafayel even interrupts MC with an intense gaze, filled with a complex mix of emotions, hiding something akin to obsession.

He stated that he feels restless in every sense of the word, especially when she’s around. Under the intense stare, she’s trying to look away, but he cups her cheeks and makes her look at him.

Rafayel says that he doesn't want to let her go and asks that she also feels like this which she sincerely admits wordlessly with a nod. He breathes again in her neck (aaaaaahhhh 🫠🫠) and states that she already made his life a chaotic beautiful mess.

So I think he really tried to hold himself back, this “restlessness” feels more like he’s been horny out of his mind but does his best to not lose control.

Like whatever is influencing him at this, it feels more like an ebb € flow kind of thing than just being “under the weather”. Not with how often he says her proximity makes it better and how hot and bothered he is.

That's why I think that maybe Aridum is a special mating place or something for Lemurians. It's an intertidal zone where the tides are crashing into the shore. He feels the tides and it does things to him, which we learned from ebb and flow. And maybe it’s the same here. The tides are low at this time, the ocean retracted and like in ebb day it leaves him vulnerable, seeking out the closeness of his bonded mate. He felt the same when he was there last time, so this can't be a coincidence.

Maybe in an earlier age, this place wasn't a desert, but instead, a place filled with the sea, undergoing heavy ebb and flow and attracting the Lemurians and other life forms for celebrating life and rebirth, or so. Whatever it is, it isn't just because it’s a desert. As I said before, the desert didn't affect him in this way in other memories.

Two days later they visit the memorial hall. After all, he feels better now. Maybe because the flow started?

There's another hint that this wasn't always a sole dessert. A whale fossil is exposed that was found in the desert. So it really could be that this place was part of the ocean before.

And Rafayel even strengthens this theory.

“Back then, this whale's ancestors still roamed the land. They had yet to completely lose their legs.” and “the ocean has evaporated in the sands of time.”

So this was an ocean before and he knows it. It reminds me so much of his Abysswalker Myths. This place isn't just a normal city in the desert, it's special! I bet my ass on this!

He even painted the giant poster that hangs on one wall, where half is sand and the other half ocean. The last time he was here the ocean was still around. How long does this painting exist? MC can recognize it as Rafayels. Maybe because his style changed over time? Years? Decades? Centuries? Who knows…

Then they are driving through the desert to find the ocean the next morning. Mc is a terrible driver 😂 and Rafayel is being dramatic over it, just like we know him with a little hint at the main story where they were rowing to Hat Island.

But all they find is a deadly body of water. And then we see a glimpse of him being the sea god. He still can feel the sea here, feeble but there.

He looks so sad that MC thinks about comforting him with a big and he states it out loud and takes her into an embrace. Coincidence? I think not. I guess he felt her urge to be close to him and also her hesitation. Maybe that's why he takes the lead and gets close to her.

He reminisces about the last time he was lucky to find this place. And MC feels how his heartbeat quickens in their embrace.

Rafayel says that he wanted to come back here with the person who is the most important to him. She asks if his wish come true. And all he answers is “What do you think?”

This reminds me so much of his Abysswalker myths again, where the princess said he was the most important person to her. It’s like he knows of this and personally, I don't think that AW takes place in a future Philos. There are too many hints and stuff for something that hasn't happened yet. Also, AW doesn't feel like it's taken place in a future place, it feels more like medieval. Or this happened in a completely different universe/dimension/timeline and these similarities are proof that every universe is having some kind of overlaps. But this is going too far at this point. Back to the scene 🤭

On their way back it starts to snow. Rafayel is now driving, way more smooth than MC earlier 😂

She even fell asleep and woke up as the car was already parked.

He doesn't want to disturb her, and as he goes in for a hug, his body temperature rises again., MC is hoping for a kiss that didn't arrive.

Instead he breaths heavily again and only caresses her cheek. Again he is restraining himself, not giving in to the temptation that lingers between them.

He still wants to visit the salon of his friend despite not looking good. Mc tries to pursue taking a rest or going together.

And hecinly whispers into her ear. “Do you wanna turn me into a sea creature that's beached on the sand after the ocean recedes… And leave me to suffocate when I come out of the water?”

And it's so a him-thing to secretly admit how he feels dependent on her and how he needs her already. And also how vulnerable it makes him and that he doesn't want to rely on her that much.

She also feels this and he promises her to be okay for tonight, that he can handle this on his own.

Feels like more to me that he tries to teach himself that he can do it. He even sighs heavily as he retreats. It takes him so much strength to really do this. And it makes me love him so much. The way he knows how much he loves her, how desperately he needs her, and still trying to resist, to not take too much from her. It makes me even cry 😭 Rafayel you deserve to be loved, you deserve to be safe around someone and you deserve to have someone you can rely on 😭

Back in the room MC still feels the touches and hot breaths of Rafayel on her body.

I read a really good analysis for this card (link at the top ). The only thing I hardly agree with that this is a flowery description of pleasuring herself in the tub. You can surely read it like that. For me, it felt more like someone who yearns desperately for his lover, touches and breaths still full of life in the thoughts and tingling in the body. Like lingering there to not be forgotten, fueling the desire to be close to the one. Making it obvious how passionate she became for him, wanting him as much as he wanted her. All the time in the memory she hoped for kisses, for more intimacy than Rafayel was ready to give her but she didn't dare to ask because of his apparently miserable conditionion. But she can't forget it, longs for it and still this wanting isn't fulfilled and that's why she keeps this feeling of him in her mind, impregnated in her skin.

She walks out of the bathroom, hearing subtle movements in the neighboring room.

*start cutscene*

The second she's confused about this, she is already surprised by Rafayel, who pins her to the window and kisses her hungrily.

The reason why he came back might be based on the bond and his own desires. Like MC thought of him all the time, desperately yearned for more of his touches after he retreated every time, not coming in to a kiss. I’m sure Rafayel fought his own desires and knows exactly that one kiss wouldn't be enough for him. Maybe he felt MCs yearning, her inner wish for him to come back and finish what he nearly started every time and that's why he wasted no time to go feral on her. His own strength to hold back vaporized as soon as he saw her in his room.

MC only has the time asking him what he's doing here as he doesn't stop to kiss her with tongue and everything he has to offer. MC tells him to wait, pushing him a bit back but he just grabs her face, going all in to keep kissing her, grabbing her around the waist, pulling her even closer to his body (Gawd, sexiest move a man can make! To say that this doesn't affect me is a lie! Someone give me that man right now! 😍)

They turning around not interrupting the kisses, MC pressing him against the windows, his hand cradling her head and he lets go of her wrist to keep her close to him. It’s such a hot scene! The way it looks like a dance and Rafayel is not able to interrupt the kiss or the contact… (I’m melting aaaaaaahhh)

And what Mc bites him into his bottom lip to get some air! (Girl!!! I feel you! As much as I would love to kiss this man endlessly, we need to breathe!!! (aaaaaah 🫣🫣) and the way I wrote such a scene also in that one fic aaaaahhh )

Rafayel stops for a few moments and MC asks again why he’s here. And he lifts her into his arms, slinging her legs around his hips (aaaaaahhhh why is he so hot! I’m dying. My belly did the flip! 🫠🫠).

Rafayel is at her neck again nibbling and kissing along the column of her throat as he hoarsely answers that this is his room and she was the one coming in there.

Some think that Rafayel secretly switched their rooms but I don't think so. More like MC was willingly in his room, waiting for him in case he came back and collapsed due to his condition or asking her to accompany him. She was there in case Rafayel needed her and she was so right! But he needed her differently than she anticipated 🫣

He flops her onto the bed, crawling up to her and hindering her to get up. MC says that she didn't mean this, instead why he isn't at the art salon (which confirms my thoughts) and he starts to kiss her fingers again. (god, I love it when he does this! It shows so much affection and love and how much he cherishes her!)

He says that he has changed his mind, that she should stay with him and that he’s not going anywhere before he goes back to kiss and nibble his way along her neck.

Then he's interrupted by an incoming call (Rafayels “tch” is the sexiest thing 🫣) He wants to cancel the call but Mc stops him by grabbing his hand and asking what if it is something important.

He accepts the call and a computer voice answers the call, telling the caller to leave a message. No, they weren't on an active call, more like Rafayel activated the automatic voice mail.

She throws him back against the headrest and his gaze is telling how he waits for her next move. She plants a kiss under his ear as the caller leaves his message, asking why Rafayels has left and that he should come back.

Right as she wants to “punish” him at the spot of his now glowing bond mark (punish like what girl? Biting him again? Oooor pinching his nipple??!! 😳🤭) Radlfayel stops her by turning the tables, now hovering above her, and asking “Are you sure?”

Yeah, he knows what she wants and asking for consent. This is our fishie, guys! He’s so desperate but still is aware of getting full consent and confirmation that she knows what’s going to happen (or not if she refuses)

She just says that he will go back otherwise and that shows how much she wants it also, being as desperate as him!

And as MC asks what he would say if he’s been asked why he hadn't answered the call (see? They weren't on an active call like some want to think) he pulls off his bracelet very aggressively - or determined?

Nonetheless, it’s goddman sexy!! And this scene made me gasp as I saw the trailer for the first time! Also, a metaphor that he willingly frees himself from all the bands that hold him back, how he decides to let go and finally let his passion and desperation roam free.

He breathlessly answers “I’m busy.” (he never beats the rude allegations, I love it 😂😂)

The scene changes to the ended voice message and we hear Rafayel breathing, moaning, and enjoying his time. (he always wins the award for the sexiest moans 🫣 the VA really went all in here as his life depended on it. He delivered so fantastical in this card and scene!)

Another favorite scene: Rafayel grabbing onto MC's hands as he still devours her neck and surely grinding his fishstick into her! Man he literally is all over her, between her legs, and everything! Don’t tell me he wasn't so turned on that he didn't rub himself at her!

*end of cutscene*

We get to read that he embraces her tightly, his warmth everywhere they touch. Even their souls intertwine. And that's such a beautiful way to tell how close they were, how intimidated this moment feels.

As she's trembling as he is going to slip in he makes sure once again that she’s okay and wants this.

MC doesn't answer directly, hinting at the snow outside in the desert. One more beautiful symbol is snow in the desert. Snow is often seen as purity and innocence. Snow in the desert is also used as a metaphor for impossible things. I think it's a symbol of the purity of their love, hiding an innocence still to this day on both sides and what should be originally impossible - the love between a human and a creature of the deep sea - became real, like snow in the desert.

Rafayel just stares at her, admiring her instead of the outside view, saying how soft and beautiful she is.

If this isn't the most gentle way to take away the anxiety of being together like this with someone for the First time, then I don't know. Even if he wants her so badly, he still is so gentle with her.

And then he enters and it is described with a sentence that causes some discussion.

“A soft sharpness seeps into me bit by bit, then it slips into me like a dagger.”

This is peak romance!! Never have I read a more fitting and flowery description of entering a woman! And no it doesn't mean that he goes into her without consent or even brutally! As we read earlier, he had her consent! Multiple times! And it's not unusual to feel a little pain when a man enters it at the beginning. It has many reasons. I personally think, out of the experience with many romance books, that Rafayel took her virginity here and in that case - remember the snow - it often is the case that it hurts a bit and stings. We also read that it seeps into her bit by bit, which means he works his way into her carefully, step by step! And the dagger metaphor also has many meanings. Like a hint to his actual size and girth, thick but straight, smooth, and very hard 🫣, or the devs chose it because Rafayel uses a dagger as weapon, a part of his persona as an assassin. So many possible interpretations but surely not a violent one.

In the next sentence, it's stated that they reached their goals despite the bumpiness. I guess it's an overall description of the way their relationship evolved until this point. Both were dancing around each other for a while, MC not always able to understand him, and Rafayels sometimes too caught in his secrets and unable to show his vulnerable deeper side to her.

Anyway, another beautiful description.

And it doesn't end here with the amazing descriptions!

We are finally swept into that endless blue. I like to think that it means they climaxed together, a place filled with Rafayely color (she literally saw colors as he fucked her stupid 🫣)

We end this whole thing with a beautiful aftercare scene.

She is cuddled against him, wanting him to sing a lemurian love song for her. He grants it with a kiss and a hoarse but clear voice (I hate how they gatekeep his singing from us 😤) and MC falls asleep with the song.

The next morning MC wakes up and finds Rafayel sitting beside the bed at the carpet, looking at her and holding her hand during her sleep.

Gently he tells her that he wanted to draw but didn't want to wake her. (so romantic aaaaaaahhh. He wasn't able to leave her, still watching her sleeping)

Rafayen then lays beside her and wraps his arms around her. He still feels heated. Again he says that he was in the same situation the last time he came here.

He admits that the painting in the memorial hall is indeed his and that this phase of the art block was the longest he ever had.

Rafayel also says that he once thought that only pain could bring him inspiration. That's why he got to Aridum the first time, experiencing the pain of an ocean vanishing. And because of her, his perception of art changed. That even if it would destroy him, he still wants it with every fiber of his being… (oh Rafayel 😭😭)

And MC tells him, that she doesn't like the way he says that, that he doesn't need to suffer for her.

If she shows him whatever lies outside of pain.

And she agrees and encourages him even more, that she will always be by his side, wherever he goes, she will be there with him.

He agrees, strengthening it even more.

And that's the most beautiful part of this memory! Finally, he can enjoy the love, the joy, and the life that lies above them. I want to believe that a part of him healed after that night and this morning, that he finally gets faith in their bond, in her to not leave him or harm him.

And Mc finally can be honest with him, emotionally available, and empathetic. She also grew into this relationship and is vulnerable around him, as well as being able to be the anchor for him that he needs.

There's another thing I want to add. For him art is pain and love also often is pain. I remember a quote I once read, I don't remember the exact wording anymore but it goes along the lines: Rather would I suffer and die, being immensely hurt through it, than never have to experience love. And I think it fits so well here! For Rafayel the love of his bonded mate brought so much pain, so much suffering into his life(s), and still, he chases it, doesn't want to be without it. He rather loses it over and over again before he ever gets to know and feel it. And it’s the most tragic thing and one of the many reasons I love him so much.

Overall I literally think this card is perfect! As a Rafayel main it has everything you can wish for: the usual bittersweetness that's inhibiting most of his cards and spiciness that is top shelf, even some Lemurian-related stuff.

We finally erased another layer on the way to his true self and Rafayel was able to let go of the restraints while he held himself back all the time.

For me this card makes me understand Rafayel so much more, many things from his anecdotes and other cards make so much more sense now.

Mentioning List: @blaire-apricity - @homurasturtle - - @apric-t - @yashiro-arisugawa - @ladyparamount - @nadinefromwhere - @sato-baka - @ghoulishnero - @cinnamonrizz - @crystalfay - @dribbles4life - @m00nchildwrites

@fandomghostwrite

[writingescapades]

Rafayel Rant

My man literally doomed his people for us. If that isn't dedication I don't know what is. He also seems the only (Love interest) that wants mc to actively remember their previous lives, constantly reminding us that we've 'forgotten' something.

And I think it might just be Western bias/stereotypes around men, but I hate how the fandom as whole represents him as a whiny brat when he is so much deeper than that. And yeah he can be annoying sometimes but wouldn't you also be irritated and mopey if the person you love has forgotten about you multiple times after everything you've been through.

Yes he's sassy and yes he's needy and dramatic at times. But he misses you and doesn't know any other way to express it.

Not to mention he's a romantic at heart. If you listen to any of his secret time audios you would know that he really does care about you. Hell, he lied about needing a bodyguard just to get you to be around him more. Even in his recent card [Intertidal Zone] you can see that sweet/caring nature come out. He sings a Lemurian love song to lull you to sleep at your request.

Not to mention he has a dark side.

1. If you look back at his interactions with anyone other than MC. He's only ever (ha) nice to you. Because outside of you Rafayel's kind of an asshole. (Chapter 8 *cough*) Not to mention his underlying hatred for humans

2. He has stalked mc

3. He has murdered and lied to your face about it

4. He's definitely done some criminal work. Did you see how effortlessly he blended in, in chapter 8. Not to mention he has, in his own words, ‘connections' to the underbelly of Linkon

——> You don’t have to like him, but don’t give him unnecessary hate, pls 🙏

Please give our fishy boi some justice. #JusticeforRaf 😔

[writingescapades]

Some of the comments about Raf's spicy card make me kind of sad. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion so no hate to the people who share this opinion about his card.

I've seen quite a few people comment on how they thought Raf's new card was disappointing because the spice level wasn't the same as the other guys. Some have also commented on how most of Raf's cards are disappointing overall due to him "holding back" and that's why a lot of people prefer the other guys over him.

I think it all boils down to preference and the guys' individual personalities. Raf's cards, like all the guys, display his personality (one side of it anyway). He holds back because he's afraid due to past events. He isn't boring. He's hesitant, scared, and traumatized and all of that revolves around the woman he is bonded to, madly in love with, and desperately wants. Raf is also a deeply passionate, emotional lover. That isn't boring. It just isn't they type of love everyone wants. His card was emotionally charged, sensual, and romantic. It displayed Raf's spicy love language, which isn't as aggressive as the other guys. He's softer and gentler when showing how much he loves and cherishes her. Despite everything he's done or is involved with, he is a pretty gentle guy. His cold, aloof, and brutal attitude toward others is what he has to maintain if he wants to survive, protect, and accomplish his goals. He went feral in his hotel room once his restraint snapped. He was needy. The way he grabbed MC and carried her before throwing her on the bed. The intense make-out session and his annoyance at being interrupted by the phone call. The way he grabbed her and pushed her up against the window because he couldn't bare composing himself anymore and was desperate to have her. Raf exhibited the entire card how difficult it was for him to hold back how much he wanted MC. Raf is just a romantic and poetic man and he's softer than the other guys when it comes to love making.

That isn't for everyone and that's cool, but to call him boring shows a bit of a misunderstanding of him as a character, I think.

His card also focused on some easter eggs lore, Raf dealing with some heavy thoughts/ feelings about himself, MC, and their relationship, and he and MC deepening their relationship. It also showed MC being so tender, honest, and sincere with Raf and her feelings towards him and the way she kept reassuring him so openly made my heart melt. This card had it all, to me. I love that it wasn't all “smut” but a mix of everything.

I do wish his kindled scene would have been a bit longer and I really don't like how we are shown almost the entire scenes in previews (with any of the guys/banner cards). Overall, though, I thought Raf’s card was perfect.

Again, no hate to anyone that didn't like the card! Just thought I would share my thoughts/opinion.

[writingescapades]

Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

EDIT 3: An Abysswalker connection I found

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...

[writingescapades]

LaDs HCs:

Rafayel is for the ones who

Read so much posts of this kind and had the sudden urge to do one myself.

Rafayel is for those who have always felt trapped, captured in a cage of obligation and expectations, and who always wanted to be snatched away to finally be free to do what they wanted and be who they wanted.

Rafayel is for the ones who were being told to be too much: too sensitive, too emotional, too curious, too loud, too dramatic, too dreamy.

Rafayel is for those who never seem to fit in society and always stand out despite their desperate attempts to be like someone else.

Rafayel is for those who were told to stop being so immature and silly, act more grown-up, and take responsibility.

Rafayel is for the ones who were never loved the way they needed and deserved, always being neglected by others who got all the love and attention they missed

Rafayel is for the ones who are helpless romantics and don't dare to show it and are desperate to lose themselves in an all-consuming love and don't mind being the obsession for someone else

Rafayel is for those who weren't always important enough and never were someone else's first priority because everyone else needed more attention.

Rafayel is for the ones who are frightened of things going too fast or too close in a relationship because they are afraid of losing the little freedom they had to fight

Rafayel is for those who have massive trust issues and would rather be in charge instead of being hurt and left behind or lowering their guard too easily.

Rafayel is for those who were able to retain a sense of innocence and kindness, a little bright flame despite the cruel and dark world around them.

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