#the more he began to want

[bosspigeon]

what was the relationship between gortash and your durges pre-lobotomy? how do they feel when they meet him again?

:3 soooo originally i thought it would be REALLY funny if Gortash was shooting his shot so hard but Maw (pre-lobo Moss~) was just So Autistic he just didn't get it

but then i realized i could go deeper and much more painful :3c

i stand by Moss being a Big Ol' Virgin before Astarion, bc i, personally, think that makes for a very fun(ny) dynamic and also fits in with the character i've already established for Maw, and that was that he was so single-mindedly focused on his duty to Bhaal and his destiny that he didn't really bother with seeking out any sort of bond with anyone, much less enough for him to start feeling sexual attraction towards them. his duty was Murder and he was very, very, very good at it, and that came from a lifetime of dedication

but i think, meeting Gortash, someone he saw as more of an equal than even Orin (who he saw as his lesser by virtue of him being made by Bhaal from his own flesh and her being a second-generation spawn from a first-generation spawn that he still considered imperfect as well as misguided wrt his ideas about Blood Purity) and eventually befriending him over their shared passions and dedication to their respective patron gods, opening him up to actually making his own adult bond with someone else for the first time in his entire life

his relationship with Gortash started as a business deal and eventually turned into companionship and his first genuine friendship. and from there, feelings began to emerge on both sides, but seeing as Maw had a lot of practice shoving down any Softer Feelings he may have had (and an adolescence of Firm Guidance into perfection overseen by Sceleritas, who served Bhaal first and foremost) so before Orin betrayed him, they never got further than a very heavy, very dangerous Almost.

[skunkes]

idk

[warpfactor9]

you're trying to tell me Data doesn't have feelings EVEN AFTER The Defector (TNG: 3x10) where he watched a Romulan asylum seeker stare yearningly out of a viewing window on the Enterprise and say, "I thought it would bring me some comfort. But these are not my stars. Even the heavens are denied to me here." and then in response immediately programmed the holodeck to bring Romulus and its own sky full of stars back to this stranger to make him feel at home even just for a moment. that guy. the guy who does THAT has no feelings?

[bitemarx]

her and duck newton.. chosen ones who stare down fate like a barrel to the head and chose to walk away. literally so interesting 2 me

anyway. hero oak #1 mami tomoe defender.

[mukimokai]

hey you!!!

wanna hear one of my fic ideas for a canon rewrite that will absolutely shatter your heart????

yeah...

you've been warned..

.

TW!!!

dr//g ab*se, attempted su!c!de

⠀

alhaitham attempted to overdose after the argument with kaveh over their thesis.

.

they basically screamed each others throats off that day; they've argued over their differing ideals before but it was never this bad, and the fight eventually got a bit physical, and there was a lot of hairpulling, scratching, pulling each other up by the collar, because they weren't just arguing about the thesis anymore, they were mad at each other. until alhaitham pointed out kaveh's fatal flaw, how his altruism is going to fail him one day, and kaveh, who can't handle the truth, yanks at alhaithams hair again, telling him to fuck off, that he wishes he never met him, all through pained, angry tears. and then, he lets go and leaves, bolting out the front door and not even bothering to close it.

it was one of the first times in alhaitham's life that he had ever let his emotions get the better of him, and he watched kaveh run out of the door, panting and shaking, tears prickling the corners of his eyes out of pure, unadulterated frustration. and alhaitham realizes at this moment that he'd lost someone. again.

oh yes, alhaitham's all alone again!! no one cares about him anymore!! he'd just lost the last person in the world who gave a damn!! silly alhaitham!! all because you're you. because you had to open your mouth again. because you had to say something. all you wanted was to help, but nobody understands that. nobody ever will. to them, you're just a cold, calculated, arrogant, cocky, bastard. and look what you've done now.

the thought breaks him, and he crumbles to the ground in what can only be described as a meltdown, a very violent one. vases are shattered, kitchen wear chucked across the room, books thrown around carelessly, all while he screams curses into the air, directed at no one, maybe at Kusanali, maybe at Celestia, who knows, but he screams anyway, bordering on babbles as he stumbles to his room, dizzy and distressed and grabs the bottle of prescription drugs (working on what kind of drug currently). It's not full, it's almost empty actually, only about 10 tablets at the bottom, but alhaitham, hands shaking, laughs incredulously at himself, and eats all of them.

or at least: tries to...

the commotion he'd made upset his neighbours. initially, they were storming over to his house with the Matra beside them to have him taken care of but upon arrival, they were horrified. The matra with them practically tackled alhaitham, making him spit out the 3 pills he had in his mouth when they found him in his room; he had already taken 5. they dragged him to the bimarstan as fast as he could, the neighbours following in terror and worry.

alhaitham was saved that day and the memory still haunts him. he was so clouded with emotion he'd lost all sense of what he was doing and just felt, and it scared him how his own feelings took control of him. At that point, alhaitham only closed up even further, basically forcing on his poker face and shoving down his feelings because he never wanted to feel so vulnerable again. he doesn't want to feel. it hurts to feel. strong feelings only bring pain. more pain than alhaitham could bear.

so alhaitham chose to hide this story, he never told anyone about it, not even a single detail. but kaveh, who moved back in eventually and now lived with alhaitham for about a year since their argument, was tidying up when he found a bottle of pills under alhaitham's bed, it was practically empty, only 2 pills remained.

concerned, he questions alhaitham about it later and it was the first time he'd seen alhaitham genuinely look scared. when kaveh explained he'd found it under his bed, alhaitham snatched away the bottle and disposed of it in the trash, cursing himself for not having found it last year when the incident happened and couldn't believe it had been there the whole time.

kaveh isn't an idiot, he pieced it together the moment he saw alhaitham's reaction. he just stands there, completely speechless and horrified. all he can say is "when..?"

and alhaitham, for the first time since their school years, responds in a shaky, miserable voice, "a year ago."

and kaveh is stunned, just staring at alhaitham, who seemed so unreachable when he moved in, suddenly looking so heartbreakingly vulnerable.

he doesn't say anything.

kaveh just hugs him, buries alhaitham's face into his shoulder and hugs him. and he swears he can hear soft, weak sounds coming from the scribe, and he swears the fabric over his shoulders became damp, but he doesn't say anything.

he just holds him.

i'm sorry. come at my throat all you'd like.

⠀

⠀

⠀

[triglycercule]

why is horror almost ALWAYS sweating bro this man must be a straight up water faucet with how much sweat he has in every horrortale panel. however it is for this reason that i think he has hyperhidrosis. hello my name is triglycercule and in this essay i will explain

[beanmaster-pika]

I bet when Silver was very small he just called Malleus by name but eventually someone told him that they’re supposed to address him with a title and he stopped and Malleus, whose whole thing is that his status and strength have prevented him from forming meaningful attachments with most people and he feels isolated because of it, went home and didn’t come out of his room for three days.

[leaf-in-a-flower-garden]

Allumos redesign because why not

[isthe-protag-cluelesstho]

Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,

I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.

Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,

It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more

And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)

So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"

And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,

I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.

And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"

Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?

Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical

[ragsy]

Marcus Andrew Stevens, AKA Mark, AKA Dogmark Mandog | he/him | somewhere between 27-32 years old

Perpetually going through it, hanging on by a goddamn thread at all possible moments

Generally very polite and soft spoken, but prone to fits of rage when overwhelmed

Has only been a dogman for a few years and is still grappling with the change

Not particularly fond of himself, but cares very very much about the wellbeing of others

[ccbatman]

actually so evil how much of hal's internal world gets obliterated with the rewriting of his relationships with jessica and martin.

[leadandblood]

@razerecherche Woops, I considered a little too close to the sun

"Sir!" Irving cheered and raised a hand to get his attention. "So glad I f... I found you!"

"Did you need something, John?"

"Well, no!" he frowned, stopping mid-way to raising his arms for a hug. "But I'm glad to see you!" He was yelling, despite no doubt thinking he was speaking normally. It was half annoying half endearing. He'd never seen his third lieutenant so undone, but having witnessed it now, he'd like to see it again one day.

"Captain, have you seen my bottle?!"

"Bottle of what?"

"WHISKEY!" he yelled and several men turned towards them, mumbling.

Crozier covered his eyes for a brief second before sliding his hand down his face. "No, John, I haven't." Hang on now, did he really say bottle?

"That's an awful shame!" Irving sagged and looked around. "But, captain, you have a glass! Can I have a sip?!"

He really did not need Irving's spit all over his glass... Or did he? Doesn't really matter when he thinks about it. He's put his mouth in worse places. "Why not."

"Thank you, sir!" He reached for the glass, missed it on his first try, laughed, then corrected himself. He gave Crozier a toothy grin before tipping the glass into his mouth.

"OY!" He yanked the glass - now empty - out of Irving's grasp and placed it out of his reach so he wouldn't break it. God knows they don't need to add more things to clean up after this...

Irving carefully swallowed the whiskey, two wet trails running down from the corners of his mouth as he struggled with it.

When he finally managed, Crozier gently shoved into his chest. "Now I have to go refil it."

"I'll come with you, sir!" he stood up, staggered and leaned on Crozier's shoulder for support. "Whoah. 'pologies. I'll come with you and get myself a new bottle."

"I think you've had enough, John."

"Sir! I can conduct... Myself! As a man of god and- and-" He swallowed. "I can conduct myself! And I say," he regained some if his balance, only slightly swaying side to side, "I say I can- I should! Have some more! Now, if you'd be so kind as to help me get there...!" He made two uncertain steps forward, then one back as he lost balance again.

Francis couldn't watch it. He had a lot to drink himself, but Irving had clearly overshot it. He stood up and firmly held the lieutenant's arm. "John-"

"Captain!" he cheered, grabbing onto his shoulder for support. "What is it?!" he yelled, directly into Francis's ear.

Francis recoiled, but didn't push him away. The poor thing was barely standing. It was only a matter of time before the whiskey he just downed would take effect. "You're yelling, John."

He blinked with surprise. "Am I, sir?! I'm terribly sorry!" Then he slowly began moving his legs.

Good thing he had no sense of space at this point. Crozier didn't tell him, but he was actually walking him away from the people and celebrations - into a quiet corner in the farthest tent. He saw Irving searching his mouth with his tongue and expected him to retch any minute. For John's sake, he wanted that to happen out of the men's sight.

By the time they got to the tent, most of Irving's weight was being carried by Francis's legs. And even he wasn't very stable on them. Good thing the men have prepared a bench there.

He sat down first, then Irving colapsed into him. Onto him, rather. His one leg was resting over Crozier's knee and their shoulders were pressed so tightly together if Francis wasn't numbed by alcohol, it would hurt.

"Captain," Irving said and searched around his coat. "I think I lost something."

Crozier growled, leaning his head back. "No, you didn't. If you did, you'll find it tomorrow. It's not important."

"But-" he began, then stopped. Before Francis managed to lift his head back up, John was heaving into the snow, one hand clamped around Francis's thigh.

"There you go, lad. Better let it out than keep it in."

"I'm not that sick..." he said before he couldn't again for the second wave of mostly-fluid coming through.

Francis cringed at the splatter of vomit and looked away, but kept rubbing circles over John's back. "There's no shame in it. Just overestimated yourself, is all. You'll feel better tomorrow if you get it out now."

"I didn't- I know-" he spat on the ground before continuing. "I have it under control."

Francis couldn't help the tugging at the corners of his mouth. Under control he says, as he's wiping vomit off his mouth. Under control he says, as he's holding onto Francis's thigh like it's a life rope. Under control he says as he leans into Francis with his full weight. "You think so?"

"Yes, sir!" He smiled, although dimmer than before. He'll be falling sleep soon. "In total control!"

"Did you also mean to colapse into me like that?"

"Well..."

"Did you mean to throw up?"

"Sir, I-" his face grew frustrated as he looked back at the pool beneath his feet.

"Did you also mean to touch my chest like that?" he nodded down to the hand creeping between the lapels of his coat.

"Hm?" he hummed in surprise and looked at it like he'd never seen his own hand before. "Oh! Well..."

Having Irving pressed against him wasn't something he'd ever imagine experiencing. Now that he had, though...

He shouldn't. He shouldn't. He shouldn't. He shouldn't. He-

Crozier slid his hand from Irving's shoulder to his mid back, then lower.

He gasped as Francis squeezed his arse. "Sir!" His eyes fluttered in confusion. His cheeks were flushed a deep shade of red, which seemed even darker in this light. He looked lost. Completely overwhelmed. Maybe it'd be best to guide him back into reality...

Francis took a hold of his scarf and pulled him closer. "Did you mean for this to happen as well, John?" He leaned down and kissed his jaw, then pulled the scarf away to wetly kiss his neck.

Irving choked on a moan, grabbing onto his back.

If John didn't throw up a minute ago, he'd kiss him on the mouth. It was tempting. But even the smell made him sick.

"Cap- tain-" Irving blinked, searching him. "What...?"

"At least you're not yelling anymore..." He scoffed and ran a hand through Irving's hair.

"What... Was that?" he asked. He looked like he was either about to cry or retch again. Francis didn't want to risk or deal with either.

"You should sleep," he said instead and pat Irving's shoulder.

"I can't... The party isn't finished." He slurred his words so much Crozier barely understood them.

"I'll wake you in an hour," he lied. "Just a nap. Take it as an order."

Irving wiggled on the bench, making it sway side to side. It was a flimsy thing. "If it's an order, sir..."

Francis nodded. "Yes."

"Very well." He sighed and rested against Francis. He only kept quiet for a few seconds, though. "Sir, d'you see the giant bath?"

"I did."

"Why didn'we do that b'fore? A giant hot bath. Sounds nice. The men'ld 'preciate it."

"You forget they broke a water tank for it," he mumbled.

John hummed in defience. "Doesn't matter. Still worth it." He nuzzled into Crozier's coat and pressed his nose against Crozier's neck. "Captain..." he yawned.

"Hm?"

"You... Mmhh."

And like that, he was asleep.

[dutybcrne]

Thinking abt Kae’s Fatui verse,,,,

[lim4lim0n]

Ref and Alt version for the second one:

[beaulesbian]

They may call it a Summer palace, but it’s actually three different structures joined together. The cathedral is at the top. No way in there except from the palace itself. Below that, the whole place is a maze of secret passages, easy to get lost in. And it’s all built atop a sealed temple to the Old Gods.

[hypocriticaltalkingseal]

It's wild watching Orpheus (KAOS) be the way that he is while having Talk Hozier playing full volume in my head because my brain cannot not play it whenever Orpheus and/or Riddy are on screen