#he never wanted for anything beyond what he was made for

[pieflavorpie]

My unpopular opinion is that i dont enjoy bards Lament. At all. It is objectively good, well performed with appropriate buildup. However, I am a child with an absentee father, and i have had similar thoughts to him before, and i used to have a friend that went down his path. I have seen and experienced every point of view. And what that was isnt justice. Its not calling people out, or making them realise how they have hurt him.

Its a very broken, depressed man who finally snaps and burns down the bridges with his friends. No, VM never asked for Scanlan's mum's name because that's not something they do. If you can list me 5 times where the team ask questions about peoples backstory [before Bards Lament] BEFORE it became relevant, then you have successfully proved me wrong. Anything revealed is either probed out of them as part of recon, or willfully offered as a piece of friendship.

[E.g: Keyleth talking about her aramente, Pike's history with Grog vs Percy's backstory being revealed after they get invited to dinner with the Briarwoods and Grog talking about his pack when its revealed his uncle has the vestige.]

And he never offered any of this information. There have been several times where VM have shown concern and actively asked how hes doing just for him to lie and shrug them off. They prank him while he was asleep because they think hes a fairly centred person who will enjoy an attempt to bring things back to normal and they were drunk.

And yes, they are mean to him sometimes, because they are a group of assholes. They never disguise themselves as anything else. Vax and Percy's friendship post-briarwoods for a good while is based in distrust and self loathing, respectively. Everyone has moments where they say mean shit to Grog [except Pike] because he cant understand it.

And the "without his songs hes just a guy" comment or however it was phrased was a tactical comment. Because he would be. He doesn't have any sort of weapon beyond Mythcarver which he refuses to use, and he doesn't have anything else he can use to support or fight. The same applies to Keyleth without her nature magic, it applies to Percy without his guns, it applies to Grog when people are out of range.

And no, I don't blame him for snapping when he woke up. I doubt taking a -4 to any rolls made would translate to a Happy Peachy character in-story. And all of his internalised misery finally coalesces in his tiredness. But what happens isn't good. It isn't progress. It is showing everyone a wound that has been tearing open over months, and then promptly storming out.

And his whole "I didn't want my daughter to see me like this." Isn't some Grand Show of how much he cares, it shows him as fucking selfish. My dad being weak is what drove him away, his insecurity stopping him from getting help from my family. That line of thinking is what makes him a sad, lonely man rotting in a flat after abandoning many families like my own.

That man in real life was strong, a brilliant teacher of martial arts. A true marvel to see and train with. He had a certain charisma to him, but he had his shortcomings. And when his partner got too close to them, he'd hold them tight to his chest and scurry away, only coming back for the drunk sex and eventually leaving entirely. Having enough distrust in his heart to claim any unwanted children to be illegitimate.

Now, Scanlan is nowhere near as bad as him, but there are similarities. And enough that I feel my word has weight when I say, if I were Kaylie, I would not want to travel with him. If he truly wanted to be closer to her and do good for her, he'd get better first. And to get better, you need people. Plural. You cannot depend on one person. And that person can absolutely not be your own fucking child. I'm not saying he should've stayed with vox machina, but he should've stayed with a group. A group of adults that could support him. And honestly I feel like so far from my watching of CR, his epilogue with kaylie is the most unrealistic character development possible. I know she's supposed to be rough and hardy, but I refuse to believe that girl would not be breaking under her father's bleeding desperation for validation. And I definitely refuse to believe that she could actually help him to the point he'd gladly leave her on another continent while he talked to the people he'd snapped at.

Anyway, fuck dickhead dads who don't get actual help. Especially fuck them when they start depending on their children for them to be a good person.

For those who do not know. Scanlan's departure from the party in the stream wasn't as... friendly. It was kind of an ugly break-up. It came from Sam wanting to do some unexpected twist with Scanlan's character and it led to a very emotional moment. That he did not feel validated, that he did not feel appreciated and that he was considered a joke by the group.

And it came down to one phrase from Scanlan to the group: "What is my mother's name?" and when nobody was able to answer the question. Scanlan left.

However, interesting little tid-bit that might help understand this change. which comes from one of the Q&A. which is no longer up because... uhm... a whole other Drama I am not here to explain.

And what Sam said in that Q&A is that there WAS one way in which Scanlan would have stayed.

And it was Pike. who wasn't there at the time (technically was as an NPC, but since Ashley wasn't there, it's the same thing), but which Sam said was the only person who could change his decision.

And what has Pike done the entire season? BE that person who supported Scanlan in his darkest moment, and who deflated the situation probably without meaning to. And so he is able to leave the party in much better terms.

A shame because the emotional rollercoaster that it involved will be missed, but hey, it's cool to see what Sam meant by saying Pike was the one person who could stop Scanlan walking out of the party like he did

[cobaltperun]

Darkest Part (3) - Remedy

Astrid Deetz x female Reader

Summary: You will never, in life or afterlife, if such a thing exists, meet anyone as infuriating, rage inducing, entitled, or frankly awful, as Astrid fucking Deetz. There isn’t a single thing you’d like more than to never be around her, but as your luck would have it, you just can’t stay away from her.

Masterlist / First part / Previous Part

Word count: 5.2k

-Dance with the enemy-

He was dead. Her grandfather, the only person that was even a slightly bit normal in her entire family, was gone, yet she showed almost no emotions other than something that could be described as ‘bummer’. Sure, she felt sorrow and pain, it would be disturbing if she didn’t, but it was all beneath the rage, beneath the lack of understanding and support. And all of that was beneath the feeling of betrayal she felt whenever she was reminded of her mother's ridiculous bullshit powers.

Once upon a time you called her a typical teen angry at the world, you ended it at that, but Astrid knew you left out a big part. A spoiled brat given everything on a silver platter, that's what she got from your words, that's how she interpreted them, and it pissed her off. You had the guts to act like you knew anything about her.

That wasn't who she was.

If she could say so herself, she wasn't spoiled, and she was well aware off all the luxuries and privileges she had. There was just so much anger within her, so much anger at the family that didn't understand her that didn't try to connect with her. The same family that refused to believe that no matter how she was raised, no matter how much money she had, no matter how easy her life was or how difficult it could have been, that she would have turned out the same way she was now. That she would have the love for nature, and the desire to protect the planet. That she would see beyond just herself and her generation. That everything her father taught and passed down to her was the core of who she was. That those ideals would drive her no matter how she grew up and the only person that understood that about her was long gone and the mother that apparently could see and talk to ghosts could not see him.

So, yes, Astrid really was angry, but not at the world as you said it. Just at her family.

Deep down perhaps once or twice she may have thought that she appeared to be too cold and distant on the outside. The divorce of her parents followed by the loss of her father, and the distance between her and her mother and all the therapy she was forced to go to made her closed off and defensive, and she simply couldn’t deny it. Why should she show what she felt when there was no one trying to understand her? What was the point of showing weakness when it could easily be exploited, like what happened with her mother when Rory met her. “Let's just get this over with,” she said, annoyed and angry that her mother manipulated the principle into making her leave the school when there was something important to her going on.

“Astrid!” her mother called after her she was already on her way to the car.

She could see Rory and someone else in the car; and while that annoyed her because she didn’t want to spend the time with her mother’s boyfriend, she guessed there were worse things that could happen to her. For example, being in the car with you. That would make this day even worse. “Save your breath,” she didn't have the patience to listen to her mother right now, instead she just opened the doors to get in the back seat with Delia and there you were.

Her absolute worst nightmare just turned into reality.

Someone kill her.

She should have just turned around right then and there. She should have said to hell with going to the funeral or she should have found another way to get there. Maybe by an airplane, or by bus, or anything really, as long as she didn't have to spend hours upon hours with you right next to her because of course Delia wasn't going to sit between you.

“Why is this pinnacle of human ignorance here?!” Astrid demanded angrily, looking both at her mother and grandmother with unmatched fury. How could they do this to her? They both knew how much she hated you!

“Good to see you too, Chihuahua,” and there it was, your infuriating voice addressing her with that ridiculous nickname that had no basis in reality that you refused to replace or put any effort in. You were so unimaginative you just picked the first dog that came to mind and decided she was just like that dog. And no, the irony that it was an angry tiny dog that she herself considered to be made up purely out of spite was not lost on her.

“Fucking Barnacle,” Astrid spat as her mother just shrugged and pointed at Delia. At least her mother looked like she felt a miniscule amount of guilt over this.

“You do know I need my assistant, don't you? Doing all of this without Charles is already a nightmare, I can't do it without my assistant as well! Oh, Charles why did you have to leave me?! Charles! Oh, Charles!” Delia was screaming once again, calling out her grandfather's name at the top of her lungs and for once Astrid figured even you were better than being even more embarrassed by her family, so, she got in the car, just to escape the judging and mocking looks of the other students.

From the corner of her eye she could see you opened your mouth before her mother and Delia could get back into the car. ‘Oh, no, what now?’ Astrid could tell you were trying to tell her something and worst of all she could see that you were struggling to get it out of your mouth. Considering that, chances were it wasn't an insult hurling her way because you definitely didn't have issues saying those to her. Luckily, from the looks of it, you've changed your mind and chose to remain silent.

Rory turned around with that infuriating grin on his face. “Astrid, it's so good to see you again!” Rory exclaimed with that fake smile of his trying to get her to accept him or whatever. He’s been trying to make her believe he was actually in love with her mother and not just using her some time, but she was she wasn't about to fall for those tricks. Instead, Astrid just glared at him, finding a bit of satisfaction in the way he just turned back around.

~X~

You really thought spending an entire drive from Astrid’s school to Winter River was the worst thing that could ever happen to you. You were wrong.

You were a hundred percent absolutely wrong.

Risking your life was a lot worse.

This was going to be the end of you, there was no way around it. Delia was going to be responsible for your untimely demise. Why? Because it was up to you to put the shroud over the house because why the fuck not?!

You stared at the large house at the top of the hill overlooking the entire Winter River. And you had to get on the roof of it. Great.

Just great.

You turned to Delia, sending her a pleading look and hoping against hope that she would see reason. “Are you sure there is no one else who can do this?” your fear of heights aside, this was ridiculously reckless. You had no experience climbing houses, walking on roofs or placing these shrouds, it would be nothing short of a miracle if you didn't fall to your death

“Can't believe I'm saying this, but for once I agree with her,” who could have guessed Astrid Deetz actually agreed with you. She probably just didn't want to see another human die. “I mean if she falls it will be really difficult to cover up.”

You should have known that was her reasoning, you really should have known Astrid’s worry had nothing to do with you but the inconveniences that would put them in. “Geez, thanks a lot Chihuahua,” you said mockingly and turned to Lydia, you were still naively hoping at least she would see reason in this, but the woman had just lost her father and was not exactly thinking of how reckless of an employer her step mother was.

“Oh, Y/N will be fine! She's my assistant she can handle it, just have Rory hold the ladder,” most of the other time you would be beaming from the praise, but today things were different. Delia just brushed your concerns off, and you were just becoming aware of how little care the family had collectively. Well, if it really was true that Lydia could see ghosts and talk to them maybe she just got desensitized to the entire life and death situation and Delia being who she was just took it easy. In her head she could solve it all. She knew the people, she had the money, the entire building the family had gifted the school Astrid was enrolled in was enough of proof of that.

“Great, off I go now. Hopefully not to die,” you sighed and picked up as much shroud as you believed you could reasonably carry to the roof and resigned yourself to whatever was going to happen. “I am not being paid enough for this bullshit,” no money was worth this, but here you were, unable to back out.

“Well, she does have a point,” Lydia finally spoke up and it wasn't regarding your life but your pay. Were you suddenly feeling really bitter? No, no, you could never. When the one most concerned for you was Astrid you really had to question the life choices that led you to this situation.

You glanced back at Delia, who was now in deep thought. “Yes, I suppose she can get all raise considering all the extra work she’s doing.”

Well at least he would be paid more for risking your fucking life!

“I can't watch this I'm going inside,” you did not care one bit that Astrid couldn't watch you doing this. You still figured that was for the best. You didn't want to give to her satisfaction of seeing you fall from however tall the roof was.

“If I die I'm haunting this entire family,” you promised under your breath and looked at the Rory who was holding the ladder for you. “I'd like to come back down just so you know, and in one piece,” why did you need to clarify that? Well, you were talking to Rory, so it didn’t hurt to be more specific.

“Trust me I don't want any part in this either, but it's for Charles, we must do it!” of course he would say that. It wasn't him risking his neck because, apparently, he was the only one strong enough to hold the ladder in place so he couldn't go up the ladder. It just had to be you. Granted, if you really had to choose, you would rather avoid holding the ladder up while someone else was climbing it.

‘I really should have gotten that life insurance,’ you thought bitterly as you began climbing the ladder.

~X~

Social media was, in fact, not enough of a distraction for Astrid at the moment. Not even texting other students about the conference was helping her keep her mind off what was happening outside. Especially when a shroud dropped from the roof near the window of the room she was in and she had to move to another room.

No. She wasn’t worried.

She was just curious about what was going on outside. It was too silent, and no one was screaming so nothing happened, she was sure of that. Absolutely nothing happened.

Astrid finally, after an hour of being glued to her phone, looked through the window and saw a black shroud covering it on the outside. She looked at it, wondering if you were done. No matter how much she hated you this was still Delia being reckless as fuck. There was no other way to put it. Why couldn't they just hire a company that worked on doing these kinds of things? Just because you were her assistant didn't mean you had to fall from the roof.

Not that Astrid would ever admit she was worried about you. She wasn't. Really. She just couldn't watch, so she went inside to wait it out. How was Delia even going to explain to your family if something happened to you? Like: ‘I'm sorry. I didn't hire the professionals, so I sent your daughter to the roof and now, well… Accept my condolences?’  

Astrid bit her lip, doing her best not to be conscious of how worried she really was. She should have stopped you, said to hell with this hatred between you and acted like proper human being.

And then there was a scream. A bone chilling, loud, echoing scream and Astrid ran out not really sure what she was going to see once she was outside. “What happened?!” she demanded as she rushed outside and looked at her mother expecting an explanation. Her heart sank as she saw Delia crying and you weren't there. “What? No, don’t-“ her legs felt like they would crumble under her weight. This wasn’t happening. She didn't hear any anything, she didn't hear a loud noise, she didn't hear a thud, but there was a chance it still happened and she just didn't hear it. “She- she didn’t-“ she was at the loss of her words, speechless and affected a lot more than she thought she would be.

“She didn’t what, Chihuahua?” her eyes widened when she heard that nickname, and that stupid voice.

Astrid spun around, anger coursing through her veins as she glared at you. “Nothing!” she yelled and rushed back inside completely aware of the extremely puzzled look on your face.

“I'm not that easy to get rid of! I am a Barnacle!” you yelled after her once you realized that you were the ‘she’ she was asking about.

You looked perfectly fine.

You really were a Barnacle.

How dare you make her worry?

Stupid.

Asshole.

“Fuck you,” she cursed under her breath.

~X~

The funeral went about as on brand as it could for the Deetz family. A choir singing, a fin shaped tombstone, an imaginative text engraved upon it and plenty of colorful personalities, most of them dressed in black attending the funeral. Whenever you had the chance to closely look at the family you always had the feeling of absurdity surrounding you, they never truly conformed to the general norms but nothing showed that as much as this funeral.

You stood by the side observing, just taking the scene in as people began mingling around talking to one another. You didn’t know these people and they didn’t know you, neither of you felt the need to strike up a conversation in circumstances such as these. As the priest approached Delia and Rory the feeling of grief was mixed in with something else, something you couldn't quite tap into. You couldn't quite call it absurd or nonchalant but there was something about the way everyone acted that gave you this strange feeling. The last time you went to the funeral people cried, but the Deetz family took the loss proudly, not shedding a tear and leaving that for a more private moment. As for the others, well, you understood why most of the people here didn't cry. These people knew Charles but weren't quite close to him.

You glanced to the side where Astrid was sitting alone, somber-looking, serious, almost engulfed by that large coat she was wearing as if shielding herself from everything she was feeling. For a moment you could see that mask she used to wear cracking, just a hint of pain etching itself upon her face before she, as if she could feel your eyes on her, put the mask back on. You chose not to intrude, instead mixing into the crowd not quite intending to strike up a conversation but also not intending to avoid it.

The only thing you actually wanted to do was just to give Astrid some space. You knew deep down that even if she did look a bit worried when she thought you fell off the roof and met your untimely demise that the hatred between the two of you was still that strong. And that meant that you were not the person she would ever open up to or be vulnerable in front of.

And that suited you perfectly well because you did not need another Deetz woman driving you insane right now and that doubled for Astrid because damn was she still annoying. Damn Chihuahua.

The sound of someone approaching you from behind made you turn around just as Delia was coming up to you. She opened her purse and began looking for something. “I just forgot, we have to pack everything. Y/N, can you be a dear and go buy some boxes?” she handed you 100 bucks before you could even answer, but you figured anything was better than staying here surrounded by people you didn't know and not really knowing what to do with yourself.

“Of course, I'll come back as soon as possible,” you told her, taking the money and resisting the urge to run to the city.

~X~

You weren't lying to yourself, or overthinking things. You really didn't belong here, you didn't know anyone, no one from your family came from here, you just happened to work for Delia and thus were obligated to come and help her with the funeral. Still, you couldn't deny the place had a certain charm to it, there was something peaceful and calm about it something you couldn't quite explain with words alone.

It felt like Winter River was somewhat stuck in the past, like it wasn't keeping up with the rest of the world while still being welcoming to strangers. The man at the shop was welcoming, kind and helpful as you explained what you needed the boxes for and directed you toward the part of the store where you would find everything you need. From that point you could handle everything yourself.

It was kind of funny how used you were to this particular part of helping Delia. You have gotten quite an experience with packing things between working for Delia and your work at the library, packing wasn't something you were unfamiliar with. You came back to the house coming from the back and doing your best to avoid the crowds that gather in front of it because for whatever unexplainable reason you simply didn't do well with the crowds. Especially if you had to just walk through them and you figured it wasn't the best look to just walk through them with bags of tapes and other supplies as well as a bunch of boxes neatly packed underneath your arm. What you definitely didn't expect was to see Astrid storming off from the front of the building, getting on a bicycle and furiously riding off.

“Chihuahua!” you called out to her, not because you were worried or you cared to know where she was going, but because she didn't look like she should be driving off by herself. In fact, you swore you could see a single tear falling from her eye which was probably a mistake because Astrid did not cry. Yeah, it was definitely just you seeing things. You've been seeing things you couldn't quite explain lately, so maybe this was one of them too.

She didn’t turn back, or even slow down, she just left without even reacting. Not even yelling at you, and that was unsettling.

You put the boxes at the side of the house and placed the bag on top of them, and then went to search for Delia only to turn the corner and see a… celebration? “What the hell just happened here?” you muttered to yourself. Why were people suddenly celebrating like someone just got engaged or announced they were pregnant or something as ridiculously out of touch with reality and current situation as that. This was supposed to be a funeral and now it didn’t feel one bit like one.

You approach Delia and you were sure she could see you were puzzled. How couldn't you be? When you left graveyard things were somber, people talked but it was quiet and reserved, you could feel the grief in the air and now it was like you stepped into a parallel dimension where everyone wore black to celebration. It was like you were suddenly in the Addams family universe, well, Astrid did kinda give off the Wednesday vibe.

That was a strange thought.

“Did I miss something?” you asked almost fearful of the answer because if you didn't step into a parallel universe then you could probably guess that this was Rory’s doing. Somehow. How he would manage to do that was beyond you but if anyone could do it, then it was him.

“Turns out we'll be organizing a wedding in two days,” wait, what? “Lydia just accepted Rory’s proposal,” Delia explained as if she couldn't believe it herself and your jaw dropped prompting her to just nod and shrug.

What the fuck? Lydia was… She was burying her own father!

You turned to look at Lydia still puzzled by her decision. Rory you could understand he was an inconsiderate asshole of a man that manipulated everyone and everything in his favor just so he could gain something, prone to exploiting vulnerable people- oh, that's what happens. “And let me guess, Chihuahua was here right when it happened,” maybe you weren't seeing things, maybe she really was crying.

Delia pointed toward the porch as subtly as she could. “Right there,” yeah, that explained everything.

For once you felt sorry for the girl.

You probably should just go back home because this was not a healthy realization to have. You actually felt sorry for Astrid, you must be going crazy. “I'll, uh, started packing things, you know just the small stuff that whoever wants to buy the house won’t notice or care about,” anything really, just so you didn’t have to come to terms with feeling empathy for Astrid Deetz.

“Thanks, I'll be meeting you later to take some photos so get the equipment ready, please,” Delia said ‘please’ the world really was ending, or she really was that affected by Lydia’s decision.

~X~

A few hours later, when all the crowd was gone, you finished setting up the equipment for taking photos for Delia. You one again caught yourself thinking you were in the most absurd situation you could possibly be in as Delia began explaining to you exactly what she wanted you to do.

“So, what I want is that primal scream filled with grief! The scream of pain captured at the exact moment where it reaches the pinnacle, I want it to be guttural, to be raw emotion, the pure anguish and uncontrollable. To create the image of a deep wound inflicted upon the very heart of the one screaming and the one observing the work of art. I want to capture that visceral feeling of remorse, to show it as beautiful and ugly at the same time!” she explained passionately and you could feel your heart racing.

How were you supposed to be behind the camera, responsible for capturing that? You would be lying if you said you didn't understand the thoughts behind the idea or that it didn't sound inspiring, but how were you supposed to capture that? You just got into this business as Delia's assistant months ago and now this was thrown upon you? This responsibility? Capturing something so specific?

At this point you actually would have taken climbing on the roof again instead of doing this because it just felt so daunting and above your skill level.

“Sure, I'll help you with that,” and instead of saying how you felt went and agreed like a dumbass.

Well Alex did have a habit of saying you were a hell of a people pleaser, as long as those people weren't Astrid that is.

“Great, let's start!” Delia was surprisingly excited about doing this, but you supposed the artist within her overpowered the grieving widow. She sat down in front of the camera and give you a moment to get into position. You stood behind the camera, checked the lighting once more, did the test photo to make sure everything was fine and it was because you learned how to do it damn well.

“OK. I'm ready whenever you are,” you gave her a thumbs up and she took several deep breaths, getting in touch with several feelings within her, letting that gried come out and show itself and she screamed. She screamed so loud and with so much pain and though you struggled, you captured the moment. Deep down you probably just realized that this was her way of releasing the grief that was consuming her. So, you pushed away all the doubts in your skills and all the other ways you were reconsidering your position as her assistant and just silently took part in the process of Delia handling her grief and emotions that came along with it.

That is until the rest of the Deetz family and Rory, well you guessed he now was a part of the family as well, came running due to hearing Delia screaming. You choose to keep busy by going through the photos and picking out those that looked the most like what Delia described to you earlier and let Delia explain the situation to her family. that is until Astrid Charles to address you.

“I thought Barnacle finally snapped and tried to murder someone,” she commented and you saw the smirk appearing on her face when you took the bait like the fool you were.

“Don’t worry, if I start murdering people, I’m starting with you, Deetz,” you grumbled, not in any way serious, but you were fairly annoyed by that comment.

“There are three of us here, you might want to be more specific?” Lydia asked completely out of blue and you resisted the urge to look at her and raise and eyebrow at the clear failed attempt to play ignorant of the way things were between you and Astrid.

“The chihuahua,” you still clarified.

“That fits two of them,” Delia did not just challenge you there.

Fine, you could play this game. “The pain in my ass,” you added, surely that would do it.

“Two again, try harder,” Lydia knew well enough Delia meant ‘chihuahua’ fit her as well as Astrid, so she was just getting back at Delia. And stating that Delia was, indeed, also a pain in your ass.

That was on you for not noticing your mistake. “The one who thinks Rory is annoying,”

“Still at two,” Lydia once more countered and you were running out of things that described Astrid.

“Mommy issues?” you tried, now getting a bit desperate as you watched the amusement on Delia and Lydia’s faces and the pure look of annoyance on Astrid’s. At least that was a good thing. Any day you made Astrid annoyed was a win in your book.

Delia glanced at Lydia and Astrid and nodded. “Hmm, definitely two.”

“The one that hates me,” you would do everything in your power to never say Astrid’s name.

“Hm, for your sake I’ll say that’s at one,” Delia took pity on you.

Wait a second… “What’s that supposed to mean?!” you demanded, certain that only Astrid hated you. Did Lydia hate you? Or Delia? But you worked for Delia and you barely talked with Lydia. Well, you did hate her daughter so… That made sense?

“Nothing!” Astrid screamed so loudly you nearly jumped out of your skin.

“Fucking Chihuahua,” you cursed under your breath and went to pack things from any other room, as long as Astrid wasn’t there. Or Rory, you really didn’t want to be in the same room as him either.

~X~

If there was one thing that kind of made Lydia nervous it was the realization that her daughter had grown up and that she should probably be getting ready for the inevitable moment where Astrid comes out to her. And not preparing in the: ‘What do I do?! My child is gay!’ way but rather in the: ‘What do I do?! My child is now an adult and is falling in love and getting into a relationship and she is going to start dating and might get her heart broken and might find the right person right away or might never find the right person!’ way. And that’s not even considering all the other things that could go right or wrong and she was already panicking and overthinking it and she really needed something to calm her down.

If Rory just didn’t throw her pills away.

“Something needs to happen to just to end this charade those two have going on,” and Delia was not helping with her comments because even as few times as Lydia saw you and Astrid interacting she could tell it wasn't really that black and white between you two and Astrid's reaction to you being in danger, which was still reckless on Delia's part, only strengthened that belief. What was she going to do?! You were a good kid; she couldn't deny that. You were hardworking, you weren't spoiled and from what she heard from Delia you actually shared some of Astrid’s core beliefs, but she was still a mother, and she was still worried about her precious daughter getting her heart broken.

“They are too stubborn at this point,” at least she could take some solace in that. It would probably happen at some point and you and Astrid would probably settle your differences and start seeing each other for what you really were and not just the initial impression you made it one another. But from the looks of it, it was still somewhat far off and so Lydia hoped she had at least some time to prepare. More than anything, she hoped that you would first be friends instead of jumping right into a relationship after apparently hating one another. She sighed and went to pick up a box Rory brought along. There was still so much to do, especially with the wedding coming and all the cleaning and packing would help her get her mind off of her daughter's love life.

Delia actually laughed. “You're right, unless something life threatening happens to either of them I don't think they are going to make any real progress anytime soon,” she was joking of course but just the idea of something like that happening to Astrid really didn't sit well with Lydia.

“Please don't joke like that,” Lydia pleaded, sighing again and looked up the stairs her daughter went. “I should probably go and check up on Astrid,” she decided, especially knowing what was in the attic and especially since she was seeing him again.

Taglist: @alexkolax @osnapitzmel1 @bee-keeping @nebthetautora @lololauser

@nwestra @rroyale-109 @gemz5 @social-pomegranate @mirage018

@the-thing-withfeathers @hello-mtf @leafanonsforest @jaxon-nathaniel-drake

Masterlist / First part / Previous Part

[redrose10]

Could you do arranged marriage with yoongi, prompt 68, and a happy ending🥺

I hope this is okay!

<Fire & Ice>

Yoongi x Female Reader

Warnings: Swearing, hints of cheating, slightly suggestive, mentions of being drunk

#68 “Seems like you have to sleep here tonight”

When you first entered into an arranged marriage with Min Yoongi you did your best to try and make it work. Sure it wasn’t ideal and you would’ve rather fallen in love on your own terms but it was done and over with and you were determined to try your best and make things work.

The first time he broke you down though was on your wedding night. His parents had rented a large suit at the most luxurious hotel in the city so that the two of you wouldn’t have to travel far after the reception. You were nervous but hopeful and maybe even a little excited. You changed out of your big ball gown of a dress and were waiting on the bed for Yoongi. When the door finally swung open you perked up a little only to be shot down when he grabbed his clothes and told you he had booked his own room to sleep in and then left without sparing you a glance. You spent your wedding night cold and alone in a king size bed while your new husband was doing who knows what. A crack formed in your heart that night.

The next time he chipped away at that crack was a few months later. It was his birthday and you had spent the entire day cooking all of his favorite foods. It was a lot of work but you really wanted to impress him. He told you he’d be home at his normal time so the table was set and you had changed into a nice dress and had lit some candles. You waited and waited and thirty minutes late turned into two hours late turned into six hours late. Finally around 2am he came walking through the door completely ignoring you and all of the food that was now cold and ruined. After questioning him he let you know that his friends threw him a surprise party that you apparently had never been made aware of and he forgot to tell you he was going to be home late. He tried to apologize but you fought back tears as you shoved his present into his chest and stormed off to your bedroom. The crack in your heart grew quite a bit that night.

There were other things that chipped away at it here and there. Hurtful words and spiteful glares. The few times you would go out of your comfort zone and wear something to try and get his attention but he’d never do more than look in your direction before turning his attention elsewhere. There was the way he always introduced you simply by your name, never Mrs. Min or even My Wife. It made you feel like he didn’t want people to know.

There were moments of positivity though. The two of you talked a little bit. You both had a love for music which started many conversations. He sent you roses on your birthday. And you swore he showed the tiniest bit of jealousy when you ran into your physical trainer, Jungkook. You couldn’t quite make it out but you know you heard him mumble something about how he could have muscles like that if he really wanted to before telling you the car was ready even though it wasn’t and you two had to stand outside in the rain for an extra ten minutes. You got the feeling he just wanted to get you away from Jungkook.

One evening though, he finally shattered your heart beyond repair. Another night where he came home way later than he should have. You heard a loud crash in the living room followed by lots of giggles. You rush out there and found him stumbling around drunk out of his mind after having knocked over a vase. His two friends, Namjoon and Jimin, were off to the side not completely sober themselves but seemingly more coherent than your husband was.

Yoongi coming home drunk wasn’t anything knew or shocking. You were used to it by now. So you didn’t think twice when you went to help him up and get him in bed only to be stopped when you saw the large purple and red bruise on this neck. You threw his arm down like it had electrocuted you.

It had always been in the back of your mind that he was possibly cheating. You two had been together for many many months at this point never having done anything like that and it was starting to affect even you. You always pushed those thoughts away though but here was the evidence right in front of you.

Yoongi was too drunk to defend himself. Jimin and Namjoon begged you to listen to them as they could explain what happened but you didn’t care to hear it.

You stormed off back to your room leaving Yoongi passed out on the living room floor and his friends to sneak out knowing there was going to be a fight. That was the moment you fully closed yourself off from him and decided that you two were nothing more than business partners for photo-ops and charity events.

You spent the next year barely speaking or even seeing each other. The first couple weeks

Yoongi tried to explain what happened but you were having no part of it so eventually he gave up. You had bought your own apartment on the other side of the city and only interacted with him at events and family get togethers.

And then one day yours and his parents dropped a huge bombshell that you were not expecting. They wanted to know why the two of you had not produced an heir yet. You couldn’t help but laugh because the two of you were barely even on speaking term so how were you supposed to start a family. That opened up a whole bunch of questions from your families leading to them suggesting the two of you needed to spend time together to try and work on your relationship. It was non-negotiable and before you knew it plans were made and plane tickets were booked against your will.

And that’s how you found yourself alone with Yoongi in a snow covered cabin up in the mountains several hours away from your home.

“I am not sleeping in the same bed as you.”, you spat after you found out it was a one bedroom home.

“Okay sleep outside in the snow then. I don’t really care Y/N.”, he mumbled walking out of the bedroom.

You rolled your eyes but had already accepted that you would be spending a sleepless few nights on the couch because you refused to give in.

After the long trip all you wanted was a hot shower and to get into your comfy pjs so that’s what you did. By the time you were finished the cabin was filled with a heavenly aroma and you found Yoongi in the kitchen. There were two plates of food sitting on the counter. He had made your favorite. When he noticed you he gently slid one over in your direction and for the first time since the beginning of your marriage you felt something other than disdain for him. But you weren’t going to let him know that.

“Are you trying to poison me?”, you questioned.

“Eat it or don’t. It doesn’t matter to me.”

You felt a little bit of guilt watching him grab his plate and sulk over to the table. Quietly you took the second plate and joined him. You both sat in silence with him scrolling on his phone and you just staring at the snow falling outside the window. It seemed like a blizzard was forming as the snow fall had picked up quite a lot since you arrived.

“It’s snowing quite a bit. I hope we don’t loose power.”, you whispered while somewhat trying to gage his reaction to you speaking to him.

He nodded, “yeah I hope not.”

And as if the universe was playing a joke on you the lights flickered once…twice…and then the entire cabin went dark.

“You have to be kidding me.”, Yoongi grumbled before getting up to look for the fuse box.

While he was gone you got a notification from the rental company letting you know there was a power outage in the area due to the snow storm and the current time estimate for it to be fixed was at least 48 hours.

When Yoongi returned you showed him the text which only soured his mood more. He walked into the bedroom and returned a few minutes later bundled up in several layers.

“Where are you going?”, you asked concerned.

“Well without electricity we won’t have any heat. I saw an ax on porch. I’m gonna go chop some wood so that we can build a fire to keep warm.”

“Okay let me get dressed and I’ll come help you.”, you said already walking towards the bedroom. He stopped you furiously shaking his head, “No absolutely not.”

You felt a little hurt that he was so adamant against you going with him but you also knew you couldn’t really blame him either so you stopped your movements as he asked.

He must’ve noticed your reaction because he cleared his throat, “It’s cold and dangerous out there. Just stay in here and enjoy the warmth before it’s gone. I shouldn’t be long.”

You nodded and watched as he closed the door behind him.

You had gotten all the dishes cleaned up and were waiting around for Yoongi. He had been gone quite a while and you were starting to get worried. So you decided to get dressed and were about to head out when he came walking him struggling to get the door to close behind him thanks to the wind. His cheeks were flushed bright red from the cold as he dropped several logs of wood into the fireplace. Within a few minutes he had a fire going that slowly filled the room with much needed warmth.

The two of you sat on the couch in silence just watching the flames move and listing to the crackling of the fire.

After some time Yoongi left and returned with several pillows and blankets. He started laying them out in front of the fire place.

“Seems like you’ll have to sleep here.”, he said looking at you, “We’ll both have to sleep here.”

Your first instinct was to argue against it but then you felt a chill down your spine and you knew you would never make it through the night in the bedroom. So you nodded and joined him underneath your own blanket while he had his and you still made sure there was a considerable distance between the two of you.

The soft glow and the sounds provided by the fire were comforting and you could feel yourself slipping off to sleep fairly quickly until you heard Yoongi shift beside you for probably the hundredth time.

“Yoongi are you okay?”, you asked half concerned half annoyed.

“Yeah sorry. It’s just still so cold it’s hard to get comfy.”

You thought for a moment before taking a deep breath, “D-Do you want to get under the same blanket? We can use our combined body heat to keep warm.”

He became so quiet and still you almost felt embarrassed for even asking until he nodded and lifted up his blanket to give you space to get underneath it.

There was an immediate increase in warmth but you thought it was probably thanks to your body’s rising temperature from being so close to Yoongi.

The room returned to a noticeable silence until it was Yoongi who cleared his throat, “Y/N can I tell you something?”

“Mmhm.”, you nodded.

He took a deep breath, “I’ve never cheated on you.”

You were surprised he was bringing this up so nonchalantly and out of nowhere.

He continued, “That night…That night when I came home drunk and I had that bruise it wasn’t what you think. I was out having some drinks and there was this guy. He came up to me and was talking all this shit about me and my family and stuff. I tried to ignore him. But then…then he called you a gold digging whore and he said he’d take you off my hands for $5 because that’s all you were worth. I got pissed that he was talking about you like that and punched him and then there was a fight and I got hit with something. Maybe a glass or something. I don’t even know what it was but that’s where the bruise came from.”, he stayed silent for another moment, “I know I wasn’t the best husband from the start but I would never and have never been unfaithful to you.”

His words replayed over and over in your mind.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for how I treated you. I was angry and hurt that I wasn’t given a choice in this whole situation but you were the last person I should’ve taken it out on.”, he sighed before continuing, “I just wanted to put that out there. It’s bothered me for a long time and I figured since there’s nothing else to do right now I could take the time to finally say it.”

Your heart was racing as you fidgeted with your sweatshirt.

“I’m sorry too. I should have at least let you explain yourself before completely shutting you out.”, you whispered feeling a little bit guilty, “I just wanted you to give me…to give us a chance and I was hurt that you wouldn’t.”

The room fell into another silence other than the crackling of the fire but this time it was a little less tense.

“M-maybe we should start over. I promise I can be a good husband.”, Yoongi said after a while.

“You did build us a pretty nice fire so that’s pretty good husband stuff.”, you replied trying to lighten the mood a little. He chuckled, “Yeah that’s just the beginning of the things I can do for you.”

You smiled, “Okay let’s start from the beginning.“

He nodded before searching for your hand underneath the blanket. When he finally found it you intertwined your fingers with his.

“Y/N, will you marry me?”, he asked.

“I mean yes but I don’t think we need to start over that far back.”, you giggled as he squeezed your had.

“Yeah how far back should we go?”, he questioned.

You bit your lip debating your next move, “Well how about our wedding night?”

Yoongi chuckled before pulling you into a kiss, “Yeah I think that’s a good place to start.”

[robinhqs]

dick and bruce’s relationship arcs in the 90s are so profoundly crazy to me it’s actually wild. you’ve got them never fucking communicating with each other, putting their lives on the line for the other 24/7 and “nah no big deal” ing it, and you’ve got them both stressed fighting for their lives trying to make sure dick doesn’t become like bruce like wow

- dick being terrified of failing bruce and wanting so badly for bruce to be proud of him and to prove he’s good enough to be batman, hurt by the fact that bruce chose JPV as his successor / bruce seeing dick as the thing he’s most proud of, even above his successes in gotham, ASSUMING dick wouldn’t want to be batman because nightwing was better than bruce could ever be

- “you’re a better man than me, dick” “what did you say?”

- bruce seeing dick as a success beyond anything that he could imagine because if dick is a success, than bruce didn’t fail him. if nightwing is a better man than batman could ever be, that means that when he took dick in to stop him from making the same mistakes as he did, he didn’t fail him. not as a father, not as a mentor.

- dick wanting nothing more than to step out of bruce’s shadow, terrified to become like batman, wanting to make his own name for himself, but loving bruce too much to ever leave him / bruce wanting the same for dick, guilty that he won’t leave him to pursue his own dreams, pushing him away so that he won’t be stuck in gotham forever

- “my son doesn’t need me. he doesn’t need me at all.”

- dick realizing that despite all the sacrifices bruce and him made so that he wouldn’t end up like batman, he’s so similar. he and bruce are so similar but so different. bruce assumes that dick always knows what he’s thinking because they were batman and robin- forever inseparable, a pair bonded for eternity. but dick needs the words- he needs bruce to communicate.

literally the craziest decade for the two of them, with dick becoming batman in 2009 and grappling with bruce’s ghost as a close second (imo)

[porceline]

So, I'm thinking of your fic, and in it we see how the reader reacts when Optimus is turned human. My request is headcanons or a little ficlet/drabble on how OP would react if you (his human S/O) were to interact with a relic that turned them into a Cybertronian.

Turn of events

Pairing:

Optimus Prime × cybertronian!reader

Summary:

After a decommissioned disguise relic ended up in the hands of the Autobots, everyone's favorite reader (you), ended up being transformed into a giant cybertronian.

Word count: 1k+

A/N: HIII GUYSSS I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this out, gosh I got sick AGAIN! and some personal stuff went down, but I'm back and badder than ever!! Enjoy loves!

(Ps. This isn't as detailed as I would've liked but I rushed to get it out cuz I was taking too much time, but might even make it a full fic when I finish my current one!!)

It was an accident, completely an accident. You hadn't meant to. You just wanted to see.

Sliding thin, fleshy fingers between large gaps in buttons and pressure plates while no one was paying attention, with no idea the relic would be so sensitive. Not your proudest moment.

You always knew your curiosity would be your downfall. You're just lucky Bulkhead moved the kids out of the way.

It was the most pain you've ever experienced, it felt like your limbs were getting stretched beyond their limit, your skin pulled hard and slowly, then it felt like it was turned to stone.

No one had any time to react before you became ten times bigger than you were born, your new form falling onto the elevated platform designated for humans.

The concrete was thick enough to hold your weight, but the iron safety bars bent under you.

Everything was tinted blue, and somehow brighter than before. You had to squint your eyes.

Your vision kept blurring, sometimes focusing on one single spot, zooming onto it as if you were wearing Binoculars.

There was a panic around you, commotion and yelling. Everything sounded so far away though. You couldn't focus.

A hand, much larger than yours grasps your shoulder. Another cups your cheek and turns your head.

It's Optimus. He's speaking. His mouth is moving but you hear nothing. You're scared.

"Have you shrunk?" You blurt out, you can feel the rumble of your own voice like never before, it sounded so clear despite not being able to hear.

He raises an eyebrow, his mouth begins to move again, but you still can't hear anything.

Thick brows furrow as blue optics scan over your worried face. Optimus puzzles together what might be wrong, his face softens as he reaches to the side of your head.

You hear three loud clicks, then the sound of the base booms into your ears, making your head throb.

"What happened!?"

"Primus, what did you do!?"

"Why did you touch that?!"

"Are you alright?"

You snap your head towards Optimus, his gentle optics stare deep into your own.

You shake your head.

He hums, sliding a thick arm under your back, helping you sit up. His free hand slides over your legs, turning them to hang over the large concrete block you're sitting on.

By now, Ratchet has made his way over to you, an angry look on his face as both he and Optimus help you stand up.

The rest of the team are watching in silence, mouths agape in awe at the sudden transformation they had just witnessed. Seeing you go from such a tiny being, to being slightly larger than arcee was incredible.

Your feet, well, pedes, finally hit the floor, they felt so much heavier than what you were used to. Like someone glued concrete blocks onto your feet.

The two of them loosen their grip on you, the lack of support nearly makes you topple over, making you blurt out an embarrassing yelp.

Ratchet scoffs in annoyance, while Optimus shakes his head, leaning you back to scoop you into his arms.

"Let's keep you off your pedes for a bit."

You don't argue.

Ratchet leads the way to the medical bay, walking a bit faster than Optimus. You can practically hear the anger in his steps.

"I'm so sorry." You whisper, burying your face in your hands. How could you have been so stupid?

"None of that," Optimus pulls your hands away from your face, tilting your chin up.

"It's not your fault, it was an accident. Ratchet might seem angry, but he really is just worried."

Everyone else has since gone their separate ways, still on edge from, the event earlier.

What a horrible way to start the day.

Optimus settles you down on one of the large metal cots, leaning you back against the wall.

He sits down next to you while Ratchet occupies himself with running tests on you. The scanner in his forearm drowns you in a green light, covering you head-to-toe.

Completing the scan, Ratchet turns back around. His digits tap against the keyboard as he types.

You look up to the monitor above his head, the text scrolls down the vibrant green screen.

But you can read it.

It's incredible, you understand it but you also.. don't? You can read it, but the text is still so foreign to you.

The information on the screen appears to be vitals, and though you can read it, you can't quite understand it.

Optimus holds onto your hand, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. It was a comforting touch.

Ratchet returns to your side, taking an object that looks like a human-ish pistol from the table beside you.

Before you can even breathe, he turns your hand over and shoots your palm. It hurt, but not as much as you had anticipated. It was like getting a flu-shot.

The vial attached to it starts filling with a blue liquid, energon, you presume.

Ratchet doesn't say a word when he pulls the gun away, slotting it into a machine next to your cot.

The awkward silence eats away at your mind, you grip the grey armor plating on your thighs.

"Ratchet.. I didn't mean-"

"Ehp yehp yehp! I don't want to hear any of it."

You sulk your shoulders, hunching your head down as his thick metal digets tap away at the keyboard.

Optimus sighs. "Ratchet..-"

The prime is interrupted by his medic.

"Not you too! I can barely deal with one whining bot, by Primus don't make me deal with two."

Your eyes widen, your hands open in a defensive position.

"I'm not whining!"

He points his thick digit at you. "That, right there, is whining!  Can you please try to be quiet while I figure out how to fix this?!" Ratchet huffs, turning away back to his monitor. Mumbling something about humans being loud.

You glare at the back of his head, sighing in frustration.

This week is going to be hell.

[perfectlyoongi]

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who gave you a ring to seal your relationship. it was just a romantic gesture that made Jin happy, something that didn’t have much value beyond an oath of loyalty and fun. he asked you to choose the ring, wanting to see your preferences right from the start. would you like to have something golden on your finger that reflected all the light and magic that existed in the cosmos? or would you prefer a silver-plated ring, splashed with all the tears in the universe? whatever you wanted, Jin would give it to you and made sure you only received the best. it was with a big smile on your lips and an immense curiosity in your eyes that Jin saw you choosing something that called to you. it was in those small minutes, it was when he noticed all your smiles and the way your eyes sparkled, Jin realized that his idea had been something worthwhile – you simply looked divine when you had the entire cosmos on your tray. “don’t look too much at money. if you like it, say so. let’s try it and if it’s really chosen by you, i’ll buy it. even if it is as expensive as all the stars in the universe. this will be proof that i will always take care of you.”

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who buys you an apartment next to his so you’ll be a call away. since the beginning of your relationship Jin realized that you would be a very important person for him. he could not explain, but you had a magic capable of making Jin believe that what you both had was deeper, more special than many other relationships. as such, and knowing that he would need you at more random times, Jin was quick to find a solution. the most beautiful apartment in that neighborhood was waiting for you to appear to be bought for you. without telling you anything, Jin remodeled the apartment to your taste, always getting a reaction from you without suspicion of what was going on. and when the works came to an end and that house had many resemblance to your ideal house, Jin just gave you the key and, with a smile on his lips and pride in his heart, just told you to enjoy it. “see this as a gift of thanks for everything you have done so far. and i know you think you did nothing to deserve it, but believe when i say that without you my days would never be lived.”

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who just wants the week to end so he can be with you. when the week went by and Jin didn’t have the chance to be with you, he would show up at your house with a box of new clothes and an invitation to dinner. although you are a constant in Jin’s life, always talking to him electronically, opportunities to be together were scarce due to the divergence of your work schedules. as such, when the week came to an end and Jin knew perfectly well that there was no excuse for you to turn him down, he would invite you for a night out somewhere in the city. trying different restaurants every time, staying in the most comfortable hotel there was, you and Jin made those nights eternal in exchanges of affectionate caresses and seductive words. when the week came to an end and there was finally a chance to relax, Jin couldn’t think of anything else but you - Jin’s entire being was only able to rest when it was you who sprinkled his body with that heavenly magic from your lips. “tomorrow’s meeting was postponed, so i can stay late in the morning. this time there’s no excuse not to love me.”

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who likes it when you whisper in his ear. when Jin’s lips caressed your neck with devotion, sending shivers through your body and relaxing your mind, you couldn’t think. with your eyes closed, tilting your neck to make Jin’s worship easier, you allowed your worries to be expelled from your body with all the tenderness and care Jin had for you. wrapping your fingers in his hair and letting your entire mind become clouded by Jin’s love, you couldn’t control the words from slipping out of your mouth and brushing against Jin’s ears. and it was when you called out to him as if his name were a prayer, when you asked him to give you more, when you just lost any control over what you said, it was in those exact moments that Jin believed the world was a beautiful place – your total surrender was enough to turn that place into an ethereal eden.

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who spends every valentine’s day with you. neither you nor Jin believed that valentine’s day was a day that should exist – you both knew perfectly well that the appearance of this date was just to collaborate in the great web of capitalism that covered the world. but that didn’t stop Jin from wanting to celebrate it. yes, you and Jin weren’t really a couple, and almost no one in your lives knew of the other’s existence. but he couldn’t deny that there was a certain charm about that day. maybe it was because everything was pink and hearts, or because there were so many chocolates or stuffed animals, but every year Jin insisted on spending that day with you. and every year you always did the same thing: breakfast at your favorite cafe for you to eat your favorite cake, followed by a walk through the most beautiful gardens in the city before going to eat at Jin’s favorite restaurant. in the afternoon, after watching a movie at the cinema and eating ice cream, you and Jin would get ready for a more refined dinner where he would always offer you a rose for every moment spent with you. it was something simple, a very common and quite childish ritual – but it was something that Jin enjoyed, more for your company and shared memories than for the full meaning of that day. after all, you made every day special for Jin just by being you. “i don’t think there’s a good movie for us to watch this year, but we can always watch one at home. that way we can feel more comfortable and enjoy the day better. what do you say? you can choose the movie this time! yea?”

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who makes all your dreams come true. he liked to spoil you, make you feel special, and all he asked in return was for you to always be honest with him: what did you want? where did you want to go? what did you want to do? nothing was impossible for Jin. whatever you wanted, he would give you. you were the only important person in Jin’s life, you were the only person he knew would never leave him; yes, you might think it’s all part of your contract, but the reality is that there was something much deeper to your relationship – and you both knew it. so let Jin make you as happy as you make him. let Jin give you all the world to thank you for all the stars you stole to keep him warm. let Jin worship you and he promises that you will never live on this earth feeling inferior. everything he was, you helped him to be. whatever you wanted to be, he would help you be. everything. “everything! you might even want a unicorn riding an orangutan. you can ask for a cup full of heavenly dust to wash your face. you can want everything, the whole world, the entire universe, and i promise, i swear, that i will give it to you. even if i have to fight the gods themselves to get it.”

SUGAR-DADDY!JIN who takes you to all his family events. it was the greatest honor there could be: you meeting Jin’s family. you had to admit that when he first suggested it he made you a little nervous, and when it actually happened you almost panicked. after all, what did Jin have in his head to want you, his sugar-baby, to meet his family? was he crazy? no. he wasn’t really crazy. he was slightly in love – the difference was almost zero. so introducing you, the most important person in his life, to his family, those people he would always love, meant so much more than you could believe. in brief exchanges of words, among so many conversations and laughs, you began to integrate into Jin’s family, being seen as Jin’s shy and captivating partner, with so many people praising your relationship. like someone who cultivates a plant, your relationship with Jin germinated into an intense flower of devotion and love – everyone had to see how beautiful you two were. “thursday i have my uncle’s birthday and we’re going to the restaurant you like outside the city. do you want to come? today we could buy you a new outfit and then you can come with me.”

[canonicallyobserving911]

The BS Tommy said to Buck during the breakup scene was classic, "It’s not you, it's me" language.

I'm so happy they're over and I'm still celebrating the demise of that awful relationship. IMO, it should have ended in season 7 but I digress.

There were so many things in the BT 2.0 breakup scene that felt obscure and oblique to me and I've already posted about a couple of them (linked here). I'm still planning to do a full post on all of it but I think I figured out why the BS Tommy said during it seemed so out of left field. Two weeks ago, I posted about how the show went out of its way in 8x5 to illustrate the reasons why Buck and Tommy weren't compatible and I included an explanation of the way Buck believed Tommy was his boyfriend even though Tommy didn't consider Buck to be his (linked here). But in 8x6, everything about whatever they had was flipped and made to seem like Tommy really cared about Buck but HE DIDN'T.

The truth is he's always known Buck wants Eddie and I think it's possible he was planning to end it during dinner after he gave him the Lakers tickets. It seems like he was trying to get Buck to realize or admit he'll always be in love with Eddie but there's one thing he didn’t count on and that's Clinger!Buck. When Tommy said he could "Take Eddie" to the game, it was his ploy to see if Buck would take the bait and he kind of did when he asked him if he'd be ok with it. But Tommy turned it into one of his rude, unfunny dry ass jokes by responding with "And die." Who TF even says that? No one just like that whole "vision in a cone" line he said in 8x1.

Anyway, my point is Tommy used the classic "It’s not you, it's me" breakup language on Buck because it was the only excuse he could come up with to end it. He had tried everything else with his dismissive attitude, laughing at him with his coworkers and not kissing him anymore but Clinger!Buck was holding on for dear life. The final straw was when Buck said, "I want you to move in with me" and it was the thing that sealed the deal and Tommy realized he had to get out and it’s the path he chose to do it.

They didn't know each other after 6 months and the proof was the anniversary gift and Buck not knowing anything about Tommy beyond the physical (déjà vu for all of Buck’s other relationships). Has Buck ever even been to Tommy’s house? Eddie has and it's CANON because Eddie said it in 7x4.

Tommy prefaced the breakup with several compliments when he said how handsome and great Buck is but then he said that BS about his heart would get broken and he wouldn't be able to take it 🙄. In the few episodes he was in, they never discussed love or anything else other than that daddy kink joke in 7x10. Therefore, their relationship was surface level so why in TF did Tommy say that?

The only answer that makes sense to me is he was having fun but Clinger!Buck was ready to take it to the next level and Tommy didn't want that. He told Buck that in 7x4 when he said "Dating someone you meet on a call never ends the way you expect" but Buck missed the memo and he’s still misunderstanding the assignment.

Eddie had already told Buck that in 6x15 but it’s evident Buck still doesn't realize he’s on the same hamster wheel he's been on since 2018.

The point of this post is Tommy did the "It’s not you, it's me" to breakup with Buck because that's what people say when they don't want to admit the truth. He was softening the blow of dumping him because Buck was being left behind again just like he was with Abby, Ali, Taylor and Natalia. Buck broke up with Taylor and Natalia but he didn't end it for the right reasons. He was unhappy with Taylor but their breakup wasn't about that and he knew Natalia was all about death when he started dating her so there's that.

It was a $hitty reason to end it especially with all the other things they could have used to breakup but for whatever reason, TM (showrunner) chose this option and I don’t like it because Tommy came out unscathed. He should've had to answer for his racist and bigoted past but he wasn't held accountable just like Gerarrd and that sucks.

Buck’s in love with Eddie Diaz! He always has been but he’s still on the hamster wheel and he won't get off until he asks and answers the questions regarding what he wants for himself.

[snowysosturn]

Allies or Affiliates? - Chris Sturniolo Part 11

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Pairing : Y/n x Chris Sturniolo

Summary : Law student Y/n’s life takes a turn when she reconnects with Chris, her brief teenage flame who is now a dealer for a dangerous Boston drug gang. As their bond reignites, Y/n is drawn into Chris’s tumultuous world, where rival gangs clash and loyalty is everything. Balancing her love for Chris with her own ambitions, can their connection survive the chaos that threatens to pull them apart?

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of drugs, mentions of selling drugs, angst, cursing, mentions smoking weed, death

Chris's POV

Sitting in Y/n’s treehouse with her after being so intimate felt like stepping into a different world, one I’d almost forgotten existed. We could see the stars through the treehouse window, her laughter echoing in the dim fairy lights as the effects of the weed softened the edges of everything. The air felt thick and warm, and her gaze was softer, more open, as if the high had taken down her walls. When her hand brushed against mine, her fingers tracing gentle lines, I felt a spark of something that went beyond words.

Finally, we made our way to her room. Y/n barely made it to her bed before she collapsed, a sleepy smile on her face as she drifted off almost instantly after telling me I could spend the night. I stretched out beside her, feeling a peace I hadn’t felt in years, like all the noise in my head had finally quieted down. Her soft breaths filled the room, and for once, I felt like I might actually sleep through the night. Here, with her warmth next to me, the world seemed so far away.

I closed my eyes, letting myself drift, her presence like an anchor. But just as I felt myself slipping away, my phone buzzed in my pocket, the sound jarring in the quiet of her room. My heart sank as I looked at

the screen, Nate’s name flashing across it. I sighed, irritation prickling at the edges of my calm. The last time I’d been in Y/n’s bed, Nate had blown up my phone too, begging me for some weed because he “needed something to take the edge off.” Typical.

I ignored the call, sliding my phone back into my pocket, hoping it wouldn’t wake her. But a few seconds later, it buzzed again. I declined it a second time, annoyance pushing out the peace that had finally settled over me. Whatever Nate needed could wait.

Then, a message came through:

Answer your fucking phone.

The words sent a shiver down my spine. Nate never talked to me like that, never demanded anything from me with that kind of urgency unless it was serious. My stomach twisted as I slipped out of bed as quietly as I could, not wanting to disturb Y/n, and made my way out onto her balcony, carefully closing the door behind me.

As soon as I stepped outside, Nate’s name flashed on my screen again, and this time, I didn’t hesitate. I swiped to answer, dread pooling in my gut. "What’s going on?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady but low.

There was a pause on the other end, a silence so heavy I could almost feel it through the phone. Then Nate finally spoke, his voice rough and strained. "Danny. He’s dead."

The words hit me like a physical blow, a sucker punch to the gut that stole the breath right out of my lungs. He was gone? Just like that? For a few heartbeats, everything around me froze, the world narrowing down to those two words, echoing in my head. Danny’s dead.

“What?” I whispered, gripping the balcony rail so hard my knuckles turned white. “What happened, Nate?”

Nate let out a shaky breath, his voice thick with something I’d rarely heard from him – fear. "It was a hit. One of the guys from H Block.. they got him, Chris. I-” His voice cracked, and he took a moment to compose himself. “He was out alone, they ambushed him. By the time anyone knew what happened, he was already gone."

I closed my eyes, the weight of it settling heavily on my shoulders. Danny was gone, just like that. It was a stark reminder of the life we were both tangled in, the violence that came with it, and how quickly everything could go south. We all knew the risks, but that didn’t make it any easier to face.

"Nate.. I’m so sorry, man fuck." I managed to say, my own voice hoarse with shock. I didn’t know what else to say. Danny had been a pain sometimes, sure, but he was family to Nate. And he was one of us, as much as any of us could be called that.

“Yeah, well..” Nate’s voice dropped, a bitterness seeping into his tone. “This is what we signed up for, right?”

I swallowed, feeling the bile rise in my throat. He wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. That didn’t mean it didn’t feel like a punch to the chest, a reminder of just how easily I could lose everything.

And then, like a ripple through the haze of shock and grief, came a thought that made my stomach clench even tighter. Y/n. I’d promised her I’d get out of this, somehow, that I’d find a way out, but right now, that promise felt impossibly far away.

“Are you with anyone right now?” Nate’s voice brought me back to the moment, a question layered with an unspoken warning.

I glanced back toward Y/n’s room, the soft glow of her bedside lamp just visible through the curtains. “Yeah. But she doesn’t know anything about this, Nate. I.. I can’t tell her. Not about Danny. Not now.”

There was a pause, then Nate sighed, a sound that carried a world of resignation. “Maybe that’s for the best. It’s not exactly something you can just drop on someone. Besides, if you care about her, you’ll keep her out of this mess. You don’t want her caught up in what happened to Danny.”

I nodded, though he couldn’t see it. Nate was right, as much as I hated to admit it. If I wanted to protect Y/n, I had to keep her as far away from this shit as possible.

After the call ended, I was left with a hollow feeling in my chest, standing alone on Y/n’s balcony as the weight of what Nate had told me settled in. Danny’s dead. He’d been the first to pull us into the Crimson Cartel, the cousin Nate had practically idolised, the guy who showed us how to survive. And now he was gone, taken out by H Block, the gang we were always in a deadly dance with. The thought of going back inside, of laying down next to Y/n and pretending everything was normal, felt impossible.

I sent Nate a quick message to let him know I was on my way, then carefully slipped back into Y/n’s room. She was still asleep, her breathing deep and steady, and for a moment, I almost convinced myself to stay, to cling to this feeling of normalcy. But there was a sick twist in my gut, the knowledge that this world I was a part of, the world I’d thought I could keep from touching her, was more dangerous than I could ever fully admit.

With a last glance at her, I quietly made my way out of the house, moving into the cool night air, my mind churning with anger, grief, and an uneasy resolve. I knew exactly where Nate would be, our usual spot at the docks, where we’d go when things felt too heavy, a place removed from all the noise. The streets were mostly empty as I drove, the city lights blurring past in a haze of red and yellow. My mind kept replaying the conversation with Nate, the anger in his voice, the grief masked by bitterness.

When I arrived, Nate was already there, leaning against his car with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, staring out at the water. He looked rough, more so than I’d ever seen him, his shoulders tense, his jaw set in a hard line. As I approached, he didn’t look at me, just kept his gaze on the dark, choppy water, his silence heavy with emotion.

“Hey” I said softly, coming to stand beside him. I didn’t know what else to say, didn’t know if there was anything that could actually ease the blow.

Nate exhaled a shaky breath, then finally turned to look at me, his face twisted in a mix of anger and sadness. “I keep thinking it’s not real, you know? That he’ll just.. show up, same as always.” His voice cracked, and he quickly looked away, clenching his fists. “But he’s gone, Chris. They took him. Just like that.”

I reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Nate. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.” The words felt weak, inadequate, but I didn’t know what else to say. Losing Danny was a blow for both of us, but for Nate, it was something deeper, something raw.

Nate laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You know what’s messed up? He warned us about this. Said one day, we’d either get out, or we’d end up like him.” His gaze turned cold, a hardness settling over his face. “Well, I’m not going out like him. I’m not just letting them take him and get away with it.”

The intensity in his voice sent a chill down my spine. I knew what he meant, even if he didn’t say it outright. Revenge. He wanted blood for blood. And maybe, in another time, in another life, I’d feel the same. But standing there, hearing the anger in his voice, I felt a strange clarity, a need to break this cycle, not to keep fueling it.

“Nate, listen” I began, my voice steady but pleading. “This life.. it doesn’t end well for any of us. If we keep going down this road, we’re going to end up just like him. This could be our chance, Nate. Maybe we can find a way out. We could leave the cartel, start fresh somewhere else, away from all of this.”

He finally looked at me, his eyes narrowing as if I’d just suggested something absurd. “Get out? And do what, Chris? Get 9 to 5’s, pretend we don’t have blood on our hands? This is all we know, man. This is all we have.” He shook his head, his face twisted in disbelief. “They took him from us, and you’re talking about leaving?”

I held his gaze, refusing to back down. I knew shit was going to hit the fan between the two gangs now that one of our top men were gone. “Danny didn’t want this for us. He wanted us to survive, Nate. That’s why he brought us in, to protect us. But we’re in too deep now, and if we don’t get out, we’ll end up just like him. Don’t you see that?”

Nate scoffed, turning his back to me, his shoulders hunched. “What, you think they’d just let us go? Crimson doesn’t do retirement, Chris. You know that as well as I do. The only way out is in a body bag.”

“Maybe” I admitted, the reality of his words settling heavily in my chest. “But maybe if we play it smart, we could find a way. I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but I’m saying it’s worth trying. We don’t have to end up like Danny.”

Nate was silent for a long moment, staring out at the water, his face a mask of tension and turmoil. Finally, he turned back to me, his eyes dark with a determination I didn’t quite recognize. “I don’t want to leave, Chris. I want them to pay. Every single one of them. Danny didn’t deserve this, and I won’t rest until they know what they’ve done.”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut, and I felt a flicker of fear, a sense of impending danger that went beyond the cartel and its threats. Nate’s anger, his need for revenge, was something that could easily consume him, and me, if I wasn’t careful. I’d thought maybe he’d see reason, that he’d want to break free from this life as much as I did, but it was clear that Danny’s death had only solidified his loyalty, and had anchored him even deeper into this world of violence and retribution.

“Just.. think about it, okay?” I said, feeling a knot of helplessness tighten in my chest. “Think about what Danny would really want for you.”

Nate’s face softened just slightly, but his resolve didn’t waver. “I know what Danny would want” he muttered, turning away from me. “And I’m going to make sure he gets it.”

I watched him for a moment longer, my heart heavy with a mix of worry and sorrow. Nate had always been like a brother to me, but in that moment, I felt a distance between us that I wasn’t sure we could ever bridge.

Nate took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair as he exhaled, the weight of everything finally sinking in. “I’m going to crash, man. Maybe smoke a joint, see if it takes the edge off. I can’t think straight right now.” His eyes met mine, hollow and exhausted. “I’ll catch you later.”

“Yeah, take care of yourself” I replied, clapping a hand on his shoulder. But as I turned to walk back to my car, my mind was already elsewhere.

I’d only left Y/n’s place about an hour ago. Surely she was still asleep - the first time you smoke weed you have the best sleep of your life. The memory of her, half asleep and peaceful, pulled at me in a way that nothing else could. If I was careful, I could slip back in without her even noticing. I could be there, beside her, just for a few more hours, away from everything else.

The drive back was quick, my thoughts scattered between Nate’s broken expression and the hope of finding some comfort in Y/n’s presence. When I reached her house, the place was silent, dark windows giving nothing away. I parked a little further down the street, keeping my footsteps quiet as I made my way around the side, toward her balcony.

The familiar route felt oddly reassuring, like muscle memory kicking in as I climbed up and peered into her room. Carefully, I slid the balcony door open and stepped inside, moving quietly as I slipped out of my shoes and settled onto the edge of her bed. Sure enough, there she was, exactly as I’d left her, wrapped in the blankets, a soft rise and fall to her breathing. Just seeing her like that, oblivious to the chaos surrounding us, brought an unexpected calm. She didn’t stir, but I could feel her warmth, the comfort of just being near her.

Y/n’s POV

Sunlight streamed through the blinds, gentle but enough to nudge me awake. I blinked a few times, adjusting to the light, and felt a familiar warmth beside me. Chris. He was here, his arm draped across me, his chest rising and falling steadily. For a moment, I just lay there, my heart swelling at the sight of him so peacefully asleep next to me.

This time, he hadn’t left in the middle of the night. He’d stayed.

The realisation filled me with an unexpected happiness, like maybe last night meant more to him than I thought. But as the initial rush of contentment faded, I remembered a tiny detail I hadn’t had to consider over the weekend: my parents were home.

The thought hit me like a shock of cold air. I couldn’t help but glance at my closed door, wondering if they’d wake up before Chris left. I was used to slipping out of the house quietly to avoid questions, but the idea of him sneaking out felt a little nerve wrecking. What if we were too loud? What if they happened to catch him in the hallway, or worse, heard him on his way down?

I sighed softly, trying to piece together what this all meant. Things with Chris weren’t exactly straightforward. After last night’s conversations and the intensity of everything between us, the way he held me like I was his anchor in a storm, it made me realise just how deep he was in all of this. And I couldn’t just pretend I didn’t know now.

Chris woke beside me, his eyes fluttering open as if he’d sensed I was awake. He blinked a couple of times, and when he saw me, a small, sleepy smile spread across his face.

“Morning” he mumbled, his voice husky.

“Morning” I replied, unable to hide my own smile. I hesitated, glancing at the door again. “So.. my parents got back yesterday.” I whispered, half teasing, half nervous.

His eyes widened slightly as he realised the situation. “Ah. Right” he said, a hint of a grin playing on his lips. “Should I start planning my escape route?”

“Maybe” I chuckled. “Or I could try to sneak you out before they wake up.”

“Think we’d get away with it?” he asked, shifting to face me, his eyes still half closed but filled with a warmth that made my heart skip a beat.

“Only one way to find out” I replied, giving him a small, mischievous smile. I hated the idea of him leaving, but the last thing I wanted was to face my parents’ questions first thing in the morning.

Chris nodded, running a hand through his tousled hair as he picked his phone up to check the notification he just received. "It’s okay" he murmured, his voice still soft from sleep. "I’ll go through the balcony. I’ve got things to take care of anyway."

There was something in his tone, something quiet and weighed down, I’m hoping he wasn’t starting to regret last night. I wanted to reach out, to make him stay just a bit longer, but I could see it in his eyes, the urgency to go.

“Alright” I said, my voice reluctant as I tried to keep it light. “Guess I’ve got all morning to kill anyway. I don’t have class until late this afternoon.”

He reached over, brushing a thumb across my cheek, his eyes studying my face like he was memorising it. “I’ll text you later, okay? Maybe we can meet up tonight.”

I nodded, feeling a small twinge of relief, an indication that it's not regret. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

With one last glance toward my bedroom door, he slipped out of bed, pulling on his shoes quietly before heading toward the balcony. He paused at the threshold, looking back at me one last time, and for a second, I thought he was going to say something else. But he just gave a soft smile, then disappeared over the railing with practised ease.

The room felt colder, emptier the moment he was gone.

I spent the next two hours rotting in bed, aimlessly scrolling through TikTok, trying to distract myself from the heaviness of last night. I was in a surprisingly good mood after everything with Chris. It was comforting waking up to him beside me, even if he had to sneak out through the balcony before my parents woke up. I couldn’t help but daydream about the future, wondering how things could be if we both left all this craziness behind.

Eventually, I noticed it was already 10:30 a.m, and I figured I should probably make some breakfast so I made my way to the kitchen. I loved having some kind of noise in the background, so out of habit I turned on the kitchen radio and let it fill the space as I danced around, preparing scrambled eggs and toast. The morning felt so ordinary and nice, the smell of coffee, the soft sounds from the radio, it was a comforting routine, like a safe bubble around me. The kitchen was bright, the world felt warm, and my mind drifted back to Chris and all the possibilities ahead of us.

Then, the soft background noise of the radio was interrupted by a breaking news announcement that made my heart drop.

"A man killed in last night's gang related feud has been identified as 31-year-old Daniel Doe."

The words barely registered at first. "Doe? Daniel Doe? As in Nate’s cousin, Danny?" I felt the floor slip beneath me as the reality of what I’d heard sank in. The world around me seemed to blur, the sizzling of eggs on the stove now distant and irrelevant. I gripped the counter to steady myself, my mind racing.

Danny was.. dead? As a result of the feud?

Images of Nate and Chris flashed in my mind, Nate’s anger, his focus on some unknown turmoil that he and Chris wouldn’t discuss, and Chris’s hesitations, his careful attempts to keep me in the dark while also trying to keep me close. They’d both been connected to this from the beginning. I thought back to Chris’s face this morning, the way he looked at his phone. That’s why he was off.

I glanced back at the radio, my hands trembling. The familiar warmth of the kitchen now felt suffocating, like I’d been thrust into someone else’s life. For the first time, it felt as though the dangerous world Chris was tangled in was no longer just a dark secret but a harsh, painful reality. This wasn’t just his story, it was becoming mine, too. It just reinforced the fact to me he needed out now.

I needed to talk to him.

Chris’ POV

Waking up next to Y/n that morning felt almost surreal. The quiet warmth, the way her breath moved softly as she slept, the faint light filtering in through the blinds, there was a peace to it all, like something I hadn’t felt in ages. Just being there with her, no running, no hiding, no keeping up walls. For a brief moment, I let myself imagine what life could be like if things were.. different.

She turned to me smiling with that sleepy softness that nearly made me forget everything else. But just as she whispered that her parents were home, my phone buzzed on the bedside table. I ignored it at first, not wanting to break the moment. But then it buzzed again, and I knew I’d have to check it. As I picked it up, the message notification lit up across the screen, and my stomach twisted at the sender’s name. Vince.

“I need you at the harbour in an hour. Don’t be late.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. Vince never gave times or places unless something big was going down. And after last night with Nate, after everything that happened.. I had a feeling I already knew what this was about. I swallowed, trying to hide the tension from Y/n, even though I could feel her watching me.

“I'll go through the balcony.” I said, forcing a casual tone, though my chest felt tight. “ I’ve got things to take care of anyway.”

She nodded, understanding. It was something she’d heard me say before, though this time it felt heavier. We both got up, and as I got ready, I tried to keep my mind on the drive ahead. She didn’t ask any questions, thankfully, just smiled and kissed me goodbye before I headed out the door, promising to see her later.

The drive to the harbour was tense, my hands gripping the wheel as I ran through all the things Vince could want from me. After Danny’s death, things were bound to get messier than they’d already been. And that was saying a lot. Nate had been enraged when I’d seen him, just lost in his own anger. Vince’s message felt like the beginning of something that couldn’t be undone.

When I arrived, the familiar salty scent of the harbour filled the air, and I parked my car, scanning the area until I saw him standing by the water, looking out over the edge. Vince was a large guy, even with his back turned, his silhouette a solid, immovable force that made it clear he was someone you didn’t mess with. I got out of the car and walked over to him, the weight of the morning hitting me with every step.

This meeting wasn’t going to be anything good.

As I approached Vince, the intention to bring up my plans for getting out of this mess circled in my mind. I knew he wouldn’t like it, fuck he might not even hear me out, but I had to try. This wasn’t what I wanted, and after last night with Y/n, after getting a glimpse of what my life could be if I left it all behind, I felt even more determined.

But before I could even open my mouth, Vince turned to face me, his expression harder than usual. His dark eyes held an intensity that made my stomach drop before he’d even spoken a word.

"Chris" he began, voice low and steady, "I need you to step up.”

I blinked, every thought in my head screeching to a halt. "Step up?" I managed, trying to keep my tone calm even though a hundred red flags were already flashing in my mind.

Vince nodded, his gaze unwavering. "With Danny gone, there’s a spot that needs filling. I can’t pick Nate, his court case a few weeks ago has him under too much scrutiny. Plus he’s too close to this right now. He's emotional, unstable. But you.. you’ve been around long enough. You know how things work.”

The weight of his words hit me like a slap in the face. He didn’t need to say it outright for me to understand. He wanted me to take on a bigger role, to fill Danny’s shoes. Danny, who’d just been killed.

I swallowed hard, fighting to keep my face blank, even as I felt panic clawing its way up my throat. My mind raced, every argument I’d prepared dissolving in the face of this new reality. I’d hoped to talk Vince into letting me out, to make a case for why I needed to distance myself from all of this. But this was the exact opposite of what I’d planned.

"Vince, I.." I stammered, trying to pull myself together. "I don’t know if I’m ready for something like that."

Vince’s gaze hardened. "There’s no time for second guessing, Chris. Crimson needs people we can rely on. You’re smart, you keep your head down, you don’t have a record, and that’s an advantage. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t think you could handle it."

The urge to tell him no, to beg for a way out, to walk away and never look back, surged up in me. But staring into his face, I knew the stakes. This wasn’t a life you just “walk away” from, and pleading wouldn’t make any difference to Vince. It might only make things worse.

The reality of it washed over me like ice water. Vince wasn’t giving me a choice. Danny’s death had created a void, and whether I wanted it or not, he was shoving me right into it. The world felt like it was closing in, my mind screaming as I grappled with what this meant for me, for Nate.. and for Y/n. She didn’t deserve this. None of this was supposed to touch her life.

But here I was, on the verge of getting dragged in deeper than ever when I should be trying to get out.

a/n : am I in too deep... have I lost my mind.... I CAN BE YOUR HERO BABAYYYY

taglist: @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @lvrsturniolo @bernardsbunny @spaghetti835928383 @marrykisskilled @sturnsxplr-25 @bxtchboy69 @vickytaa @anikaistg @matts-girlfriend @lvrsturniolo @sophand4n4 @ilovepurpledragons

[sgiandubh]

Why would Ashley go to follow and stop following Caitriona? After all aren't sam and caitriona supposed to be just friends and colleagues so why do that? They're the ones creating all the fuss for nothing. If they acted like colleagues no one would go looking 🙄🙄🙄 . I don't understand this need to always dismiss Caitriona as if it's oh my god never associate Caitriona with sam. What a crime to see two friends together ! Following Caitriona means nothing, it doesn't define an affair nor a relationship between them so I don't see the point in avoiding following this woman 🙄🙄 !

Dear Following Anon,

You can try to dilute things as much as you want, but you seem to ignore one of the weird Laws of Thermodynamics in this fandom:

Follows and unfollows are important and relevant. Until they aren't.

I do not share many people's mystique in this regard, simply because I happen to believe social media is nothing more than a tool. Whether it is used for promo and/or manipulation is anyone's guess. What is clear is that there are more things than the bits we are privy to via Instagram, very often with an agenda.

In that particular case, the follow clicked with some info I was shared regarding that get together at the Milady's bar. I was also told Ashley did (help) organize the event, which is consistent with her posting an IG story featuring some Sassenach bottles she was delivering 'somewhere' just before it took place.

And then, there's also this detail:

Clearly she knew the owners/bartending team and arranged things.

But perhaps she thought/was told that would be exposing her too much and then changed her mind about following C? I suppose all we can do is speculate, Anon. Fact is Ashley followed her and she doesn't anymore. Anyone's guess, really.

I will respectfully disagree with you about them deliberately 'creating this fuss for nothing'. You probably are a Fencer and, as all Fencers do, you seem to be unable to connect the dots and never question anything you are told. A most regrettable, unpleasant thing that takes away all the fun and permanently closes all the interesting doors and avenues you could explore in this fandom. Your explanation does not hold: if there is nothing, why condone this ambiguity? For clicks? That is ridiculous. C doesn't give a flying duck about clicks and he just has to take off his shirt: mommies worldwide will instantly unite and drool. How Pavlovian!

There is also another thing: C's Stans really seem to have strong, repressed feelings for her, that might go beyond what is socially acceptable from a fan. They seem to display such a deep sense of possession, it often made me raise an eyebrow in disbelief. If we follow this reasoning, then McGill is the perfect, harmless companion: they see him as no serious threat to their fantasies. S is something else and their minds dissociate - otherwise, as Yeats once famously wrote, 'Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold'.

'Following Caitriona means nothing, it doesn't define an affair nor a relationship between them'. Oh, Anon, I hope you didn't imply Ashley and C... come on, get a grip! By now, all the side players must have been gently, but firmly briefed about people's behavior in this fandom: lack of filter, and all. What would you do, if you were Ashley Hearn?

Finally, let me correct something about the timeline of events - thank you for the opportunity to do so:

I did write in a previous post (https://www.tumblr.com/sgiandubh/765519132954329088/seems-sams-mom-has-been-in-new-york-as-well) that the Milady's get together was on October 17th. I was wrong and superficial, albeit in all good faith. It was on October 16th, after C was spotted at the Burberry's 57th Street Flagship Store Reopening VIP Dinner, in New York:

I do apologize for this mistake and would like to thank @mojo106 for rigorously setting the record straight: what would I do without your collective scrutiny? Probably make a fool of myself.

However, the whole rest of it is legit and I am sticking to whatever I could write about it. Never a problem acknowledging mistakes and owning them, here. Warts and all, Anon. Warts and all.

[katsona-the-katsequel]

Personas' Unique Skills

All this talk of Maruki made me think of the special skills that individual Personas can have. These are clearly born from some strong aspect of the User. Something strong enough to define them as a person. So to determine what counts as a Unique Skill(tm) I consider the following:

No other Persona in their respective games is able to do it.

Almost never included among the skills you can use during normal combat.

Users can just use it whenever without needing to power-up or receive a boost.

It's related to the User's personality and/or journey.

Must have possessed it from the moment they awakened to their Persona. It was a package deal.

Users can or have been shown to use it passively in their daily lifes.

Off the top of my head, here are the Personas with Unique Skills, though feel free to add more if you remember any:

MOT

Belonging to Reiji, it possesses a fear aura. Unlike everyone else on this list, this actually made Reiji's life harder. Useful while trying to be an edgy teen, not so much as a salesman.

AKUMA

Belonging to Kenta, it can create desire in people. He used it to make himself a successful salesman. You gotta respect the hussle.

NIGHT QUEEN

Belonging to Tomomi, it's less of an original power it had and more what it mutated into. By separating itself from Tomomi due to the Demon Mirror, the Night Queen could (potentially) bring an "eternal night" into the world. Maybe her original skill as a Persona was a weaker version of this. Maybe darkness/shadow manipulation. Something to go with her name.

VULCAN AND APOLLO

Belonging to Tatsuya, they could slow down time and give him brief bursts of super strength. This made him ridiculously OP in Tatsuya's Scenario, soloing entire quests while the main plot was happening. Then again, he was running on NG+, so maybe it was a mix of both.

PERSEPHONE

Belonging to Musubu, it could brainwash people like a parasite, with the infected spreading the brainwashing to other people and growing stronger as the number of infected grew. Strong enough to create pocket dimensions.

PENTHESILEA AND ARTEMISIA

Belonging to Mitsuru, Penthesilea had some minor enemy-detection abilities. Just enough to know there's a threat. It also seems Mitsuru's ice skills go beyond what is normal for other Personas, manifesting in the physical world as well without the need to summon her Persona. That's a Unique Skill, alright.

LUCIA AND JUNO

Belonging to Fuuka, they have the Navi Package (get info on the enemies, sense the location of other beings, heal the party, etc). Navis might appear every game, but that doesn't make them any less unique.

MEDEA

Belonging to Chidori, it could fuck with Navis and, most importantly, heal. Chidori had one of the strongest healing powers, from people to plants to herself. Derived from this, she could also transfer some (or all) of her own life to heal someone else, even from the brink of death. Junpei would later inhereit a weaker version of this.

HIMIKO, KANZEON AND KOUZEON

Belonging to Rise, all her Personas have the Navi Package, though a bit more active than Fuuka's, mostly due to her experience and training as an idol (having to know what people want and how to please them without letting them step on you is an art).

NECRONOMICON, PROMETHEUS AND AL AZIF

Belonging to Futaba, they also have the Navi Pack, though way more active than Fuuka and Rise's, reflecting Futaba's deeper understanding of cogniton and her experience obtaining information.

LOKI

Belonging to Akechi, it could cause any being to go berserk, including himself. This power tells us that Akechi needs to get proper therapy.

AZATHOTH AND ADAM KADMON

Belonging to Maruki, they can alter a person's cognition of themselves and/or the world. The world-reaching powers he showed were the results of many shenanigans that had nothing to do with him, but it's still a pretty strong power, as shown with Rumi and Sumire.

Before anyone says anything, I count Third Eye as a gift by Yaldy rather than a natural skill. You can count it if you want, but for me its an extra thing. This also implies it's an AKIRA skill, not a PERSONA skill. Same with Minato's Great Seal. That's a MINATO skill, not a PERSONA skill (one born from having an embodiment of Death inside him for years). Both of them could still use those powers even if they didn't have access to their Personas, say, if they were reaped or something.

I truly believe every Persona has or is capable of having a Unique Skill, but either they aren't shown or the User doesn't know about it. Based on their Shadows, what unique skills would other characters have? For example, I would love to see Madarame's.

[imageingrunge]

A needlessly thorough review of DATV so I can move on with my life:

WHAT I LIKED:

The story pacing flows better without all that open world slog from DAI I am not bombarded by 50 side quests that have no baring on anything other than rp flavor

The game is pretty, CC is nice

They gave you far more opportunities to flesh out your Rook's background than in DAI and da2 but it's not as fun has having a mini origin story from DAO

no fall damage and if u run out of a combat zone ur companions follow u too

Hossberg wetlands really remind me of dragon age awakenings and I like the way the blight looks there, it gave me a nice nostalgic feeling for the older games

WHAT I DID NOT LIKE (IN DETAIL)

Voice Acting & Dialogue

It is really hard to be invested in a game that feels the need to recap everything you just experienced from 5 minutes ago, (verging on insulting my intelligence) and the silliest part is while i do hate this I got so checked out after act 2 I needed the recap 

A lot of the dialogue and banter is just empty small talk and meaningless pleasantries that sucked the life out of me, had me longing for the days of hearing Ohgren's beer belches reverberate off the walls in the deep roads:

 Voice acting is really consistent, I hated it when you never knew how your inquisitor would sound in DAI sometimes too serious for a funny comment or like yelling at Cassandra and cullen over nothing - Rook is more consistent but it comes at a loss of personality every line is uttered in the same annoying tone that had me being like damn can he stfu already (da2 was ideal voice acting for me if they cant deliver that again just go back to a voiceless protagonist)

Me whenever my rook opened his mouth: i was getting violent on that skip button

The dialogue between rook and their companions holds it back from being enjoyable at all really- here's some examples:

Emmerich's personal quest in act 2: "I want to do this immortality rite it's a very high honor in my order but rook I might die in the process permanently, I am an orphan and afraid of dying" Rook: "You could die?!?! That's awful"

Companions & Romance

the flirt options aren't all that flirty, its just rook being nice, all the romance content seems behind a 'romance locked in' moment (that comes in so late in the game u already forgot who u were even flirting with at times) so you can't hop ur way from one bed to another before deciding on 'the forever one' (remember when I could ride the iron bull then break up and be with Cullen- I don't think that’s an option here)

The companions are all pretty forgettable, I did everyone's personal quest (with the exception of Taash tried to kill a dragon for them n failed so bad i just moved on) and forgot there was even an approval system with them or that I was supposed to pick choices for them. It felt like i was on a train going in one direction where it did not matter what I said or did to them they would be fine. It’s like I've lost and gained nothing by doing these quests. The deepest thing I learned about Emmerich is that he is a 50 yr old orphan scared of dying. And it makes me not care all that much about them beyond “I just need you to function enough to get me to the end of the game sure Taash embrace being Rivaini, yes Harding live peacefully w that Titan shit inside you idc… Lucanis..ahh what was ur issue again I forget”

I made Lucanis live peacefully with Spite (stuck as an abomination that's supposed to be as volatile as Anders & Justice) Let Emmerich become a lich and no one batted an eye. Everyone just heehee haw hawing over Emmerich's new skeleton form and I forget about spite a lot unless he comments on something i've killed. Was there supposed to be some moral quandary? to make Emmerich a lich I had to "kill off" Manfred... the walking skeleton who might as well have been a rock with a pair of googly eyes attached to him for all i care

I don’t want to help Bellara light funeral pyres in a puzzle game play style that isnt a deep message about death. I want Aveline's speech about reading her favorite book to her dying father after hawke lost thier mother.

For Neve's romance, it took the whole world falling part and everyone dying for her to kiss me for a 2 time and then pity fuck me and afterword she’s like I’m leaving don’t want to be too distracting. All these lines carry no weight like bad actors w no chemistry

jaw on the floor comparing this (first time I said "i love you" to neve)

to the first time I said it to cullen and how he treats u before the big battle

I get that she isn't lovey dovey but at 70 hrs in and 2 kisses it feels like she just dont love me </3

Combat - as a spellblade mage*

combat was this weird mix of sometimes fun sometimes a new and unique form of human torture (wydm press shift 4 times n hold down e then press V C and 2 IM ON A KEYBOARD!) Once u make it past level 20 u are immortal but ur enemies are sponges I dreaded every single dragon fight despite that being my favorite thing to do in DAI. Don't ever want to see another Ogre in my life they body me into corners that hitting space can't save me from.

At some point u just gotta run around the place a lot hoping ur companions can do the damage for you bc the mobs aren’t interested in them at all. i was spamming 2 n slamming on that E key hopping it would be over n done with already, If i wanted to play a flashy monster hunter game, well then id play tw3 at least that combat is fun.

Lore & Story building

At the end of Trespasser, I was under the impression that the conflict in DATV would revolve around solas amassing an army of elves all over Thedas to rebel against the Evanuris. He had a whole network of Spies working against the Inquisition and the Antaam, and planned to restore the elven people, upend their religious views, and try to tear down the veil as a way of atonement. So I was understanding of there only being 3 import choices ( 1- who you romanced, 2- Save or redeem Solas 3- Disband or Keep inquisition). But that's not the story we get; instead its this??

The veil jumpers are like engineering mages with no ties to Solas beyond being an elves. There is no religious struggle they just seem to accept that these Gods have always been evil and need to be stopped. Solas is just a one man army trapped in the fade off screen for like 70% of the game. Should I have just kept the inquisition around after all? The only mention I got was my disbanded inquisition choice was inky going "my name still carries weight in southern thedas" and it seemed like disbanding or keeping it would have an affect on how easy or hard it would be to stop Solas but no it really doesn't at all

“It doesn’t feel like a Dragon Age game”

A criticism I rarely take seriously because that can mean so many different things? Like what is it the atmosphere? The aesthetics? The “dArK fAnTasy” none of these things have ever stayed consistent in any dragon age game. And I’d say DA franchise lost its teeth/edge when dai rolled around it was pretty light in the world of dark fantasy

However…theyre kinda right this time around....

It doesn’t feel like a dragon age game because they removed a lot of the lore your were exposed to in the previous games to the point where this might as well be another game all together. (i am not even a lore nerd but i do need something there to feel like i am in a dragon age game)

Yes the city is named Minrathos you were are told of its cultural significance and history as the seat of the empire but looks like a shittier version of kirkwall (and I kept getting lost going around the map so I hated it even more for wasting my time) Honestly the city felt super high tech and out of place in a fantasy setting imo, I missed it when everyone lived in a wooden hovel in the middle of the woods.

There is no reason for the venatori to follow Elgarnan and ghilian'nan or for the Qunari either but it all gets hand waved away with "they offered us power"

Reading the Inquisitors letters made me feel like im in a spinoff game and the real story is happening somewhere else. And sad to like baby take me with you!! i want to save u from this nightmare

A lot of the factions are sanitized to the point of being boring Darvin's little 'we're warden we don't do blood magic that's just not right" baby I let the wardens sacrifice elves to Corphyeus 3 weeks ago :/

Qunari Culture

So the whole reason you were fighting the Antaam in DAI was because they believed you were in cahoots with Solas, who's whole plan to them is to sow chaos and disorder- that is a HUGE no no in the Qun so they see it as their sacred duty to stop you. The Qunari we meet in DATV mindless npc mooks who attack you not because your with Solas but because the Evil elven gos promised them uhh power n shit for stopping you. Like I know I did not just waste my time in DAI reading about how egalitarian the Qun is everyone is like a Hive, they depend on each other so selfishness is rooted out so wtf was going on in Treviso with these guys. A whole culture decimated down to being darkspawn mobs part 2

What made me never want to play another DA game ever again:

Everything you ever did in Orlais, Ferelden, Kirkwall is pointless. No matter what the last letter from the Inquistor is "yeah the blight reached the south Denerim is gone, ferelden is blighted beyond repair, we took back Skyhold but barely. The Venatori disposed of whoever you put in charge of Orlais and there's giant leviathans rising out the sea in Ostwick"  There is no conclusion to this it's just the state of the world now

I cant even pretend my non solas romanced Inky is happy and safe after all this? My hof and Alistar might as well be dead for all that it ever mattered. I get that the devs wanted a clean slate but did they have to burn my house down and salt the fields? It feels so spiteful and mean, like they wanted to make a whole separate game and tack on the "dragon age" title to it for money. If they're not interested in the lore or world building why should I? it made me fully checked out of the rest of the story. Like damn idgaf about elgar'nan and the other one give me back Redcliff

TLDR I dont know if i should be sad that I still care about this or glad its over either way im blocking all datv tags n moving on

[ficandkaboodle]

Okay but after making my whole summary of Gonst character breakdowns, it’s got me wondering more than before: Would Copia have turned out any better if Sister had kept him and raised him herself?? (Warning: This post is long by way of me meandering)

I’m just talking rubber duck debugging-style here, I’m not expecting to or even necessarily hoping to come to any kind of fixed conclusion. But Cardi’s current tendencies are absolutely a product of how he grew up: He craves attention, he depends heavily on more decidedly childish activities and comforts, he is socially awkward as balls.

So obviously things would be different if he’d been brought up by Sister. But how different? And would that have been any better for Copia’s sense of self-worth or how he interacts with the world?

Personally, I think no. If anything, in a really sad and arguably disturbing way, how things turned out might’ve been the lesser of two evils. Still a fucked up evil, but the somewhat more survivable one.

In spite of everything she’s said and done, Sister Imperator did love Copia. She just expressed it in a way that wasn’t exactly conducive to his anxieties or just overall respect for him as an adult with needs, sensitivities, and the complexities that come with having the life he’d had. She loved him, but she loved him in a way that aligned with her mannerisms.

We don’t know Sister’s story. We likely never will, at least not in full. But it’s safe to assume that if Sister wasn’t born into the Church, she was definitely brought to it at a defining age and was either bred to or was deemed competent enough to lead it as Imperator. As a result, the Church and its goals became her mission. She might not have started it, but it was her first baby. The irony being that by dedicating herself as staunchly and one-track-minded as she did, she neglected to celebrate it as humanely as she could beyond perhaps just the lust-indulgence.

I will be the first to admit I know virtually nothing about Satanism. But…I dunno, most of the Emeriti (save Primo) seem to be on a similar page on how to interact with their faith: Secondo celebrates indulgence, Terzo embraces the importance of the self and being your own ruler while also being kind to others, and Copia would end rituals reminding people to do both. Sister stands out in that she’s more focused on all work, very little play. As a result, most of what we see of her comes off as very bureaucratic. Business-minded. She’s always thinking of how to keep the Church from fading into obscurity.

As a result of how many of her decisions seem to always have a thread tying back to the Church's well-being, I'd dare say this means more personal decisions tend to be a bit more . . . I wouldn't say "impulsive", but they certainly aren't running on all cylinders if you get what I'm saying.

At any rate, I wouldn't necessarily say the business-mindedness disrupts any maternal instinct in her per se. It could be. But honestly, I don’t think Sister is necessarily cut out for motherhood by nature. And that’s okay! Not every person is meant to be a parent, and AFAB women especially bear the brunt of criticism when they don’t display motherly affection or instinct. Even if she wanted to be more present, I don’t think her mindset would have allowed it to be as easy. And y’all, motherhood is hard enough on its own and under normal circumstances.

Bureaucracy suits Sister because she wants to be there.

What I find interesting is that Sister carried Copia and his twin to term when she didn't have to. So some part of her probably did want to have children. Or maybe she went into it recognizing the importance of having heirs: Legacy is a recurring theme in Ghost's characterization, even if some characters wind up misusing or misunderstanding it.

Ultimately, though, she gave them up and kept her distance except for in the one way she understood how to interact with people: Bureaucratically. And Copia responded to it well (probably because, I dunno, he didn't even know they were blood-related).

Regardless, I think that in a way, the fact this was met positively assured Sister that this was a proper way to go in a sense.

In a way, her giving Cardi the antipapacy is her trying to be a good mother and give him a gift. Yeah, it's a gift coming 50-something years late but the intention was there, I guess. However, it comes at the cost of having his brothers offed to assure no radicalism. Copia doesn’t seem to mind (or at least isn’t written to) but the fact still stands: That’s fucked up, Sister, you can’t go around killing your child’s half-brothers to get him the job.

So now this leads me back to the question I posited earlier: How would things have been different if Sister had decided to keep Copia? Well . . .

I think, had Sister raised Copia herself, Copia would've turned out . . . worse.

He would have likely been more “confident”, but it would’ve been horrifically twisted in and of itself. He’d grow up knowing he was part of the Imperator line (or simply known as Sister Imperator's son at the very least) and that would probably make him feel entitled. He’s essentially a little satanic prince, nobody can tell him no. Nobody who wants to live, anyway.

But he’d also be incredibly lonely. Like, more so than he already is. He may not have friends in the canon but he does have admirers who are drawn to him for his kindness and his willingness to be a bit of a goof. He'd probably be much more depressed than Canon Copia is implied to have familiarity with, and probably sucks even harder at dealing with it. He doesn't have anyone to confide in, and I think he'd never want anyone to know his vulnerabilities because he's the goddamn Imperator's son.

I think in the Copia Imperator timeline, he’d have “friends” but it’s mostly just for clout and/or fear. They're Yes Men he has orgies with essentially and carts around on the Ministry Black Card. He doesn’t have much appeal because he’s a manchild but in an extremely bratty way.

The charm we get from Canon Copia's childish tendencies are completely gone because Canon Copia's antics are the result of coping mechanisms mixed with a mother that coddles him because she doesn't trust him as an adult or see him as much beyond the baby she gave up. In the Copia Imperator timeline, he'd be enabled and probably not given very much reason to be a better person or mature.

Also, he’d probably be more down to kill. I know it's easy to assume this because bratty manchild with power frequently equals a lack of respect for life, but I also think him watching Mommy have people killed off for convenience would have put into his head that he can do the same. Only when Sister does it, it's for the "good" of the Church. If Copia does it, it's probably because he feels that person wronged him. Even if he still had some goofy traits, he’d be reluctant to display them and take anyone witnessing them as slights.

And given Sister’s penchant for putting work above all else, yeah, I think she’d hire nannies. Which wouldn’t likely be conducive to their relationship, so he becomes desperate for her attention and tries to be more like her. He still has Cardi’s mindset that if he does this thing right, he’ll be loved but I think in a weird way, he’d be more cutthroat about it. Probably because he witnessed his mother do the same up close (or as close as he can get from an emotionally and sometimes physically distant mother).

Which means there's probably a huge possibility that, in this timeline, he's more likely to be directly responsible for Papas 1-3s' deaths.

But I dunno, that's just my onion.

We don't know why Copia is as decent as he is, though. We can't say for sure if it's a nature vs nurture thing because as much as we can try and piece things together, we ultimately know nothing of his life growing up. We don't know if he'd been raised by or had a very kind adult in his life, or if he tried being mean and just frankly didn't like it. We don't know if anything from being raised as an orphan impacted his empathy or sympathy.

So obviously, this is all just what I puzzled together from traits of Sister's and how they might translate into motherhood as done by her, and what traits could therefore emerge in her child. How close to the mark I hit is subjective because that's fanon/speculation, baby.

(Though I think there's quite a few of you out there who would've probably loved to have seen Copia acting in this manner.)

Would Sister "raising" Copia have made for a more interesting storyline? Possibly. But as a person, Copia's probably better off this way. Which is depressing considering it's still left him spending most of his life not knowing who his parents were; likely developing a conviction that he's only as good as what he can succeed at; developing thanatophobia in connection to his need to be successful; and also having to recognize that his mother had his half-brothers killed off both to assure his ascendancy and to turn a profit.

Suffice it to say, no one is well. But at least he turned out cute, right?

TL;DR: Sister's focus on the Church and probable incompatibility with a particularly affectionate motherhood affects her relationship in the canon timeline. If she'd kept Copia, he might've turned out worse as a person -- and probably have left him to nannies anyway. This was probably the best possible outcome that could be made based on her poor communication and decision-making when it comes to things outside of her faith.

But that's just my opinion, I could very well be wrong lol

[thingsidrawgohere]

I just finished my first run of DA4 and let me say- I probably got my money's worth. If one wants to view the experience via a purely mercantile lens. I found many bits of cheese and touched the insides of many angry creatures. But if one wishes to frame the thing as Art- Hell, if one wants to solely discuss it as the Fourth in a series of lore-dense, narrative RPGs, then, Cousin, We've Got Problems. Three interconnected niggling ideas that kinda all lead to the conclusion- for me, at least- that modern design practices simply do not trust the player. News flash, right?

Anyways, I think I'm going to have some thoughts on this subject to avoid other thoughts, thank you.

Full-Throated Spoilers Beyond. And a lot of them. It's long.

Idea 1: DA2 is my favorite of the series. That's not the problem; it's the setup. I know what I'm about and it's interesting characters interacting over time. Flawed characters. Abrasive, opinionated, STUPID ASS ANDERS characters. The story was scaled well for a handful of total losers and it was political. The most humanly political of all the games, I think. That's a very low bar, particularly for AAA, but it felt better to stand in a street, to be personally effected by events, than to look at a literal map of icons and notes and distant decisions as in DA3. It's important, I think, for DA to be about Being, Getting Dirty. You aren't a king. You shouldn't be.

Side Note 1: DA2 is a fucking miracle. The old gag that FO New Vegas, blessed be, was made in 18 months is trotted out to display Can-Do Attitude and DEEPLY unethical labor practices. DA2 got less time, fewer reusable assets (due to a different art style), and had to rebuild most of the engine. A. Miracle.

DA4, on the other hand, has a series of supportive, well-adapted people who have all worked very hard on themselves in therapy and know all the fucking right words to say. They chat with one another with kindness and sober fondness. In the One Instance of interpersonal friction, it is resolved with grace and speed. I find this Horrid. They fucking forgot to give these people negative traits. It's likability slurry. They experience no hard growth, hold no horseshit ideas, suffer no lingering doubts. It's not only unnatural but it's lifeless. It becomes Written. I can see the fucking author waving at me. I've got a note from my run that reads 'Rook told the man who is forcibly living inside his head "Thank you sharing that" and I want to scream.'

And that would be bad enough except the ideas are there. You've got a reluctant father story. Someone trapped between two cultures. A older man, already terrified of aging, of death, taking a Much Younger lover. That's Fucking Meat. I can see the writers straining against something but what they deliver is still person-shaped missed opportunities that repeat, that repeat, that repeat. It's So Frustrating. There's flashes of Good Writing. Of good character beats. But Also- from my notes, a character had just held her brother as he died, inexplicably for a second time, and Rook gives her a little pep talk that ends with him asking "You good?"

And the fucking woman says "I'm good" in response. She seemed to mean it.

How does one- react to that as a viewer? I told a man who wanted to be a lich more than anything to Not and he was cool with it. He never brought up being a lich again. He wasn't even upset. I let a man's city die and he's like I Get It, Bro. No Harsh Vibes. It rings hollow.

Talking over Solas' memories, collectively pulling out the meaning behind them- that was some of the best characters-interacting writing in the whole thing. And it's HOURS into the game. A shame.

Side Note 2: A lot of a loved-one death as motivation in this old refrigerator. If you get a name and one line, Oh Boy Brother, you are prolly gonna die bad. Lazy.

If I'm going to talk about Emmrich, let's talk about his romance. I honestly thought it was bugged. I Am playing through another run as a comparative but Wow. Larian and BG3 absolutely reconfigured what's acceptable in these types of story beats. This particular romance felt regressive, in a sense. Like a last minute addition. The very definition of love coins. No charisma or honest affection between the characters. Nothing allowed to percolate (more on that in a second). Just- now you are ROMANCED. Which means on the Blue Moon instance he has anything to say regarding being in a relationship, the best you can get is a 'dearest' at the end of a sentence. I was Excited by the idea of Emmrich really struggling with a May/December situation but he Doesn't. He has a few lines implying that he Could but it leads nowhere.

And they fuck in a coffin (???) and it's not even hot (!!!). Unforgivable. Double Unforgivable. I heard there was spice in this game? This is baking soda.

Related, a few lines awkwardly dodged the question of Emmrich's previous relationships and I have an inkling, without experiencing the other romances, that this is the world's largest case of gun-shy after the backlash with DA3's non-playersexual romances. This man can not be confirmed to be Anything but Into Rook, whatever they might be. There was also a throwaway line with Taash how she prefers women and that's as much as I saw of explicit preferences. I don't envy anyone trying to address the rabidity of fandom but it feels like unnecessary acrobatics.

Side Oh No: It's so bad that I'm honestly thinking of doing a fixit fic regarding the romance/character writing. And God, I can't right now. I have to finish my other project first.

Idea 2: The pacing. That's what ruins so much. There was a scene of a gnarled, fucked-up gate, torn from its hinges. And my guy says "Something Big must have torn apart that gate" all ominous, building a sense of- Nope. The very big darkspawn is standing ten feet away on the other side. I hadn't even swung the camera around the hall to see it before my guy goes "That big darkspawn must have torn apart the gate!"

Yes, I know there's an issue in open world games these days wherein devs are allergic to a player's millisecond of not knowing where to go but this feels applicable across the whole game. A problem isn't allowed to fester. It is brought to attention and then swiftly dealt with. If there's a locked door, a difficult decision, a feeling beyond Protestant determination, it will be dealt with, Post Fucking Haste. It's like the game doesn't trust the player to hold tension.

This happens not just in barks or small set pieces. Whole arcs work this way. Like Harding's longterm personal quest. She gets a handful of lines about feeling vaguely angry or perhaps thinking she Should be More angry about Lore Dump Retcon and then at her culmination, she's fighting her own anger. A vicious, hot, searing thing- and it wasn't earned. At all. There was room to telegraph this theme, bury it in the dirt to let grow roots. They didn't. One Line was given about her people pleasing tendencies And she's not really shown to be people pleasing to her own detriment. This is Chekhov's Gun in running shoes. It doesn't work. It feels like it comes out of left field.

Hell, there was a mission that was like SURVIVE IF YOU CAN and it was like- literally a long hallway. The Pacing is all Off.

Idea 3: I don't like that I must do this but DA4 doesn't understand its own flavor. The One Thing you Cannot Do is have Minrathous, the city of slaves and blood mages, seem nice. Particularly in the poor parts of town. You Cannot have the Crows be a lovely dovey band of scamps. You Cannot have the Blight be reversible. You Cannot CANNOT say "elves have it pretty good" as my Elvish Rook said with his face flaps. No. NO. You Cannot side-step the politics of this setting. These are the bones on which these characters are hung. To lessen the world is to lessen, to decomplexify them.

You know what my elf didn't hear in the town that canonically trades in bodies that look his? Knife ear. Eh to fantasy slurs but my point is no one said a cross word to my guy. The Qunari living in the town that had been warring with the Qunari for Centuries seemed totes fine. There were no alienages. There were no proper templars- even from other regions. No Mage Circles. No mage issues at all. Hardly anything whatsoever regarding the Chantry or Andrastianism, even as the game takes place in the Super Anti-Pope town. I had a literal demon-possessed man in my party and the world did not react.

I had a friend describe this Thedas as feeling smoothed out and Yeah. It feels like all the nasty bumps have been deemed undesirable. I don't know what to make of it. Is this simply taking the world in a different direction? Is it a mandate to tone down the unpleasantness, for sales? A shift in design ethos? Is this a sign of a very troubled project as it was with Andromeda?

I don't know. Is this still a Dragon Age game without its politics? There's enough here for me to wonder if Bioware is even Bioware anymore. There's a TREMENDOUS amount of work, of skill in DA4. Just Absurd. The environments are thick, Thicc. But work alone is not a virtue. Have we ship of Theseus'd so far that the people- the real people, not the logos- who have interests aligned with what made DA1 special are no longer there? Something went wrong with this project, narratively. Something I don't know how to fix without addressing basement level assumptions I'm clearly not privy to. I hope they can.

Final Thoughts: Game development is a fucking hole into which one pours one's relationships, time, and health, physical, mental both. It gives satisfaction very rarely. They shipped. In that way, huge success. It's not even, fundamentally, a 'bad game'. But it is a victim of a modern philosophy of pre-chewed ideas and player distrust. VGs are ultimately a business and, in these last few years, there's been a unimaginable devastation to the workers in the industry- even as the money flows ever upward. The desire to sell well has morphed into a NEED to sell well, even among the 'kept' studios. Big studios, Grand Dame Studios sitting on top of past critical and financial successes, been killed by their overlords recently. No one is safe. It's suddenly quite dangerous for large studios to make anything remotely niche, remotely unclear and Bioware has both Andromeda And Anthem under its belt. They're probably feeling the pinch. They needed a hit and hits, these days, are increasingly smooth. And DA4 is very smooth.

That's just my feeling on the matter. I'll see what a second run yields.

Smaller thoughts:

I don't care about the combat but that was- odd. The illusion of depth with all the skill trees and types of damage and subsystems of attack- all boiling down to a one button push. It's odd. I played rogue on PC so perhaps it's different for other classes, on console. But I pressed the button at the man and when I got a halo, I pressed another button and then pressed the first button again. No matter where I was on the skill tree, it never changed, never felt different. I don't know. It felt. Odd?

There was a Honest To God "It's quiet- Too quiet" and it just Happened. I would have pulled out every one of my teeth to avoid that. I get the jokey-okey but fuck, man.

Where's the chest hair? WHERE? Body hair? ANYTHING? Davrin has plastic chest. It's freaky.

Gloom Howler Gloom Howler Gloom Howler. Frankly, that whole storyline had a large gulg of the farcical. I laughed my ass entirely off when, upon her defeat, the Gloom Howler said "I'm sorry" and took a nap so hard that the scene wiped to 'some time later'. That was insane editing. PACING. And- naming. Gloom Howler. Gloom. Howler.

Teeth. Dear God, the teeth.

The devs were in a real pickle here, no doubt. My great sympathies. There's an Overwhelming abundance of world states that DA3 could have left on the board and I understand the balancing act between acknowledging the events of older games and staying generic enough DA4 could apply to All of them. Is Cassandra the White Divine? Or is Leliana? It's a nightmare of choices. Any of the people that Could be Divine can not be mentioned without lore issues. Who's on the throne in Orlais? Ferelden? Where's beloved so-and-so? Dorian canonically did return to Minrathous so he can 'safely' appear in game- but he fucking can't talk about Iron Bull, who may or may not be alive. Isabela canonically goes back to piracy but she can't talk about events in Kirkwall because she may not have been there for them. Oof. That's not a lot you are Allowed to acknowledge. The Poor Bastards.

Watched a braid slip off a person's shoulder, organically, as they were talking. Started at the bottom and look where we're at, technologically. And speaking on the technical, a lot of textures didn't load right. For the entire game, my guy's left shoulder armour thing had a much lower rez texture than the rest. Three hard crashes, which isn't the worst. One Wonderful mission wherein Lucanis' hair and his knives were the only bits of him to render.

I'm not touching the non-binary storyline. It was clunky, for sure, but the greatest sin was using Our words. There is canonical words for NGC/NB people in fiction and to not use them shows a fundamental distrust towards the source material and the players both. It's the linguistic version of the quest marker or the barks telling you where to go.

I still don't know how I feel about the dead Varric twist. Feels goofball but he got to hang out in his little pajamas. I wish I was in little pajamas.

Solas was pretty fucking tight but I think a lot of that was due to his VA. Something about the voice direction, in general, felt- flat? But old Solas was doing it good.

Ending. God, I get it. People are tired and satisfying endings are hard. And DLC exists, more cynically. But Hells Bells, I'm getting to the point wherein even the slideshow is annoying. Give me a fucking Ending to the Choice Game. Don't you fucking 'Spider-Man Will Return' at me, you bastard. I'm a child of fucking god.

Yes, I got the secret ending. I know. That was Also bullshit.

I feel better getting that all out of my system. Thank you for sharing that.

[himasgod]

Xiao x Reader

Where you approach him in the Lantern Rite

The Lantern Rite covered the sky of Liyue in golden flashes, as if the stars had descended to greet the mortals. From the top of the Wangshu Inn, Xiao watched the spectacle in silence. His sharp eyes barely blinked as he followed the lanterns rising into the sky, each one containing a wish or blessing from the citizens he protected without expecting recognition.

For the rest of Liyue, this night meant celebration, joy, and hope. For Xiao, however, it was just another battle, a night in which would relentlessly strike down any threat that disturbed the peace. He knew that the remnants of hatred and resentment could awaken at any moment, and as soon as they did, he would be the first to fall upon them.

A few steps behind him, you stood, watching him in silence. In all the time you had spent at the Wangshu Inn, tending to daily chores and fulfilling errands, you had noticed Xiao’s sporadic presence. You knew who he was, and although his visits were always brief and solitary, you made a point of leaving a small plate of almond tofu on the terrace table before he arrived. Perhaps he didn’t notice, or perhaps he thought it was a simple courtesy. But to you, this gesture was a way of silently thanking him.

Tonight, you decided to take it a step further. You approached slowly, without making much noise, carrying with you a lantern that you had secretly prepared. When you were next to him, he didn’t look at you, but you knew he was aware of your presence.

“I thought you might like to throw a lantern,” you said quietly, extending the one you held in your hands to him.

Xiao didn't move, but his gaze shifted slightly to the object you offered, a mix of curiosity and bewilderment in his golden eyes. It wasn't usual for someone to approach him, much less to include him in something so common, so human.

"I have no wishes to grant myself," he replied coldly, his voice as sharp and distant as ever. But there was a slight tremor in his tone, a trace of doubt that he hadn't noticed until now.

"It doesn't have to be a wish for you," you replied softly. "You could ask for something for others, something you think Liyue needs."

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, so heavy that you could feel it as a barrier between you. Xiao looked down at the lantern, his thoughts seeming to fly away from the terrace, towards the countless battles, the karmic burdens and the fragmented hatred he had endured for centuries. Those burdens were nothing more than shadows to the inhabitants of Liyue, but to him they were real, heavy.

Finally, Xiao reached out a hand, taking the lantern delicately, as if it were something fragile and unknown to him. He examined it silently, his fingers brushing the soft fabric that held the flame. You could see the battle in his eyes, the tension on his face, as if he was both considering your proposal and rejecting it.

“I don’t know what I could ask for,” he finally murmured, his voice barely a whisper. “After so many years, I’ve grown accustomed to fighting, to carrying the shadows of others. I have no purpose beyond this.”

His words fell heavily on your chest, and in that moment, you understood the loneliness and weight Xiao carried. Without saying anything else, you placed a hand gently on his, the one holding the lantern, and he looked at you, surprised.

“It doesn’t matter what you wish for, Xiao. The important thing is that you are not alone tonight.”

His eyes softened slightly, and for the first time, you noticed a small crack in Xiao’s imperturbable facade. He took a breath, letting the lantern's flame reflect in his eyes before finally letting go.

The lantern floated away, taking with it a wish he might never get to say out loud.

Here is my masterlist, in case you are interested in any more of my work or want to send me a request <3

[katerinaaqu]

And I made it clear that it DOES matter. At least it matters to me and as I am also trying to say is that you absolutely CAN change and perhaps you should change sme suff what I am saying is that if you change literally ANYTHING the original stands for then what is the point to use it in the first place? And again that detil DOES matter to many people. It might not matter to you but to me is of outmost importance! Especially since many times over because of all these things done to greek mythology I have found myself before so many mistakes and misunderstandings that honestly it has gone way past beyond the limits of annoying. And again I fund it interesting how only greek mythology gets screwed iver so much while others remain untouched. Weird indeed. Again I KNOW it happens which is why this is even more annoying and again no one has the moral obligation to like all changes the same. If they resonate with you then good for you but is not the same for everyone nor it is all the time for the same person

And I would argue back if you want to critisize what my critisism is instead of hammering the same "all things have versions" again and again try to see them as the same entity. He made a conscious choice when he used Odyssey as his material. It is MEANT to be seen together with the Odyssey. Again if he hadn't and if he had made an original story to begin with right now we would only be critisizing how Poseidon was treated and not how the Odyssey was treated. If you use the popular story as your basis by definition you are comparing it to the original source. If the character's name was not Odysseyus but dunno "Philostratus" no one would care to compare it to the plot of the Odyssey that intensely and instead they would onl speak on the plot as a musical. He knww that when he used the Odyssey. Epic is NOT separate from the Odyssey because it uses it in the first place. Which again would have been avoided if the story was totally original. Again good for you but what is your point? I dislike Epic fo the exact same reasons. I find the plot inconsistent the character development of Odysseus overused and oftentimes crude and again it uses the popular poem of Odyssey and screws it over. Why is your critisism on Rings of Power more valid than my critisism on Epic? You have every right to critisize a material for whatever reason you see fit.

Again so? The story was based on the Odyssey he made the comparison himself. The comparison is not only inevitable but also inseparable from this. What is the problem if people compare the materials when the very essence of Epic being some kind of "loose adaptation" of the Odyssey calls for it in the first place? And we have critisized many times the other material as well.

I know but I said that the way that the ancient sources are treated are like they are considered fanfictions by others. And again fanfiction also deprives from the original. Many people critisize fanfictions for not being consistent to the sources they write from. I didn't distort what you said. I simply didn't say what you think. I said that by screwing over greek mythology to this point people treat it like a fanfiction they can write whatever they want on top of it. And it is not even a satire where satire's own definition is being bizare.

AGAIN I never said they cannot I said the specific ones I have seen are not good. That is my opinion and I have stated it many times over! Other people came to my profile as well and got like "oh you just don't think that retellings are good" and that is very similar like if I said "I don't like Picaso's cubism" people come at me and be like "oh so you hate modern art" NO. I said that the specific one is not good to me and plot-wise, not music-wise. I am actually surprised again how many people are critisizing for example the movie Troy for being inaccurate because they do not show their beloved Achilles and Patroclus kissing onscreen but when someone critisizes the mangle of the plot of the Odyssey through epic get comments like "why don't you think both can be good?" because simply I do not think so. That is how opinions and tastes work. And now it is your turn not to put words in my mouth. Again I said if people like it and like it for the reasons you stated good for you but again that is MY taste and MY opinion on it which I write and express. Again I find it interesting that every time I mention that the next question that comes to me is "why can't you like it both"? For the same reason that Jorge didn't write an original story; because that is what I believe. It is my taste. My taste has nothing to do with what I do myself sometimes. But if I like or dislike a piece of work is again part of my taste and my opinion.

New Epic saga and it's horrible... to give you an idea, Odysseus fought Poseidon, stole his trident and made him beg for mercy

hmmm a god begging a mortal for mercy is not exactly on par with Greek religion and stories. How did that scene made it into the final version?

[galaxythreads]

hi,

I'm fascinated by ur Loki works, and since I'm currently rereading all my favourites I wanted to ask about your general headcanons for Loki, and your opinions on all the movies and appearances Loki had. Basically, could you please talk about Loki, because i feel like my idea of Loki and your idea of Loki are similar. bye!!

"Do you want to rant at me about your favorite character?" I mean. do you want my first born?

general headcanons:

there's this scene in Loki: Where Mischief Lies where Loki has a throwaway line that talks about how it never matters when Thor hits him even if it gets violent and it rotates around in my head like a microwave all the time. Such an interesting concept that Thor took things too far but Loki never said anything because that's Just What Siblings Do TM

Loki's hair is soft to the touch, not greasy, because I will die mad about loki's hair in ragnarok

loki steals clothing. This is something you can see in all my fics, he's constantly stealing things from everyone.

Loki is ace, never had sex, and isn't interested in changing that. I don't think he's aro, I think he is interested in romantic love to some extent, but I think sex is just mid to him

loki's magic pokes at all five senses. It's something you can see, taste, hear, touch, and smell

loki got "food poisoning" a lot as a kid because his body was made for jotun stuff and like. asgard doesn't have that

Loki has a moral code, and there are lines he won't cross

loki doesn't lie that much, people just gave him the name because he's shifty and it was a rumor that was started by thor that he lies all the time

loki and thor's relationship has only gotten more complicated as they've gotten older and they have the brain chemistry to process things better, look at their childhoods and go, uh, bro, wait a minute

frigga wasn't a very good mom to loki, even though she tried

Loki can cook

loki uses magic less now that he's older, not because he's not good at it, but because he just like. he uses more subtle magic, and he doesn't need to turn his magic into a glowy show when he could just punch you in the face

loki is a man of few words

loki being captured and watching him lose his mind is straw that broke the camel's back for Gamora, who left shortly after he agreed to help thanos

loki wasn't mind controlled per se in the first avengers, the scepter was just affecting his feelings, but not more than anyone else? Loki was just genuinely tortured/coerced into this by thanos and they didn't have to force him to do anything. he was too terrified to say no. scepter was just an added bonus to cement the control

loki absolutely has permanent spinal damage from his time with thanos

I have a bazillion of these i could literally go on for ages.

---

thoughts on movies:

Uh. Okay. um. How do I say this without getting slain? I...do not think, objectively, that any of the Thor movies are good movies. I think they have fantastic concepts, and wonderful characters, and I adore poking at them, but I think one of the reasons that they're so beloved is because of their potential not because of what they are. People love thinking about what could have been and what they wished happened, because there's very little that's actually satisfyingly completed about the films.

Because the Thor movies are not...It. You kind of have to go hunting for outside material for pieces to be connected together and thor 2 has lots of issues that not even thor 1 could have dreamed of, and Thor 1 is just. A disaster, narratively. I think Thor 3 is definetly the most well put together movie, which sucks because it's the one that botched the characters beyond repair. You either have good characters and awful story or fantastic story and terrible characters with no inbetween.

Trying to talk about why I don't think the movies are good - objectively, as movies - has never ended super well for me, but yeah, i just. I don't. I don't think they're very good. I can break it down in more detail if anyone is interested, but there seems to exist two opinions on tumblr: you either think thor 1 - tdw is an untouchable master piece or you don't and there's nothing good to say about them at all.

I have endless praise to give the movies, but that doesn't mean I don't have criticisms, because, good lord, they suck in some places. Loki's character arc is the most baffling mishandle of a character that I have ever witnessed, and yes, I mean this from the get go. Connecting thor 1 - thor 2 takes some mental math.

Thor 1: Interesting set-up for Loki's character, I like how careful they are with setting him up to make sure that his arc was clear and the line between victim and villain was really blurred. They did a good job on making him sympathetic, and revealing an interesting concept with him and Thor, even if I don't think it was executed as well as I wanted.

Avengers 1: adore poking at Loki and Thanos's relationship here. I cannot get enough of it. I like writing with the avengers mostly because of all that didn't happen in the movie that I wished had. There's so many narrative secrets that don't get addressed or glossed over and I just want it picked apart

Thor 2: i enjoy seeing Loki and Thor working together, Loki's deteriorating mental stay in prison is always fascinating, and generally tdw is my favorite movie and portrayal of loki. It's what I usually base all my fics off of is how he acts in this movie. 10/10, will sing praises

thor 3: my loathing for this movie has shriveled considerably since i saw it the first time, but i'd still be hardpressed to say i liked anything they did with loki's character. Loki is self-sabatoging constantly, and his character makes no sense whatsoever. he is the village idiot, and like, i'm not really into that.

Infinity War: Honestly, i'm just gonna say it - i really did like what they did with loki in this movie. Like yeah, I wanted him to help and be an important part of the story, yeah, of course, but I also appreciate from a writing perspective what a powerful move killing him off before the credits was. Loki was the Big Bad of the first avengers and murdering him set the stakes amazingly. It carried Thor's entire arc, and it felt like a shroud that was layered over the movie. I know a lot of people didn't like it, but I appreciated what they did with it, and I like the tragedy.

---

Appearance:

not a single scene in ragnarok with him it it did not make me want to chew off my foot, his character design was awful. I will never understand why everyone was drooling over the black suit, it looked like it was bought from walmart and then the wrinkles smoothed out with a flat iron. His hair is greasy af for no reason, all of his clothing looks cheap and ugly. there's nothing impressive or visually interesting about him. the choice to remove his colors so hela can take them will never not be annoying to me even though hela is my baby child

thor 1 has the best hair, in my opinion, but he also looks stupid as hell in his armor. loki's design, to me, works best when it has long lines and it's flowy and/or soft. visually nice:

and like the reason it's visually nice is because it's soft and doesn't make me notice tom hiddleston's hips. The moment i'm aware of his hips i get irritated as hell about it, because idk man, loki just. he does not look good when you're aware he has hips. tom hiddleston is like fine, somehow? i don't know why it doesn't bother me when he's wearing whatever he wants to - i also just like. do not care - but with loki i'm just like. oh good LORD stop making me aware of your hips.

It's why i can't stand his ragnarok suit but would sing praises over the thor 1 one.

It's something that's just like. confounded me forever, because i don't even know why it bugs me so much, but every time i see his TVA outfit, thor 1 armor, or that stupid ragnarok suit i want to shoot a canon ball into the sun.

Give the man a suit coat or do not put him in a jacket. loki has lots of skills but pulling off a jacket is not one of them.

He needs to look haunted, like, in general. Or like an 18th century tired man. it's integral for his character to me.

things that make galaxy happy:

loki soft hair

loki having suit coat or suit coat equivalent

things that will send her into a ranting, unwanted, nitpicky rage

loki greasy hair

loki dressed in jackets