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skyfallslayer · 9 months ago

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Should We Stay or Should We Go? || Chapter Two

-A ST Rewrite Feat. Steve Harrington x Henderson!OFC-

Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist

🎲Summary: On the night of November 6th, 1983, Stephanie Henderson decided to walk her little brother’s friend, Will, back home. However… they never arrive. Now, Dustin, Mike and Lucas, and soon the exception of the girl’s ex-best friend, Steve, must band together to find out what happened. Meanwhile, Steph and Will must fight for their survival in this nightmarish version of Hawkins, Indiana.

🎲Chapter Summary: Lucas, Mike and Dustin try to talk to the girl they found in the woods; And Hopper questions an anxious Joyce about an unsettling phone call; Steph and Will must continue to survive; And Steve’s eyes get opened in a way he never saw coming.

🎲Pairings: Will x Platonic!OFC; Dustin x Sister!OC; Slow burn! Steve x Henderson!OFC (Ex-bestfriends to Lovers); Slow burn! Byler

🎲Rating: Teen-Mature

🎲Word Count: 11,024 (Oh, my lord)

🎲Date: 5/16/24

🎲Warnings: Angst; Swearing; Implied Broken Friendship; Talks of Kidnapping; Mental Strain/Breaking Down; Implying Sex; Lying; Implied Suicide; Death/Killing; Talks of Corpses; Blood; Gun Use; Steve's 'Asshole Era. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

(And let me know if I missed anything)

🎲A/N: Jesus. This was a tough one to write and edit (Hopefully I didn't make too many mistakes). But, geez. Writing different POVs, everyone's thought was a tough one. But hopefully y'all can understand 😅. Also, I am NOT a D&D player, so some of lore just comes straight from the wiki. Hopefully that's reliable enough. Anyway, sorry for the delay. Enjoy!

|| THE NIGHT BEFORE ||

“What the fuck are you?!” Will heard her scream as the creature tried to outmatch her. The light above them grew brighter and brighter, and he squeezed his eyes shut while gripping her jacket tighter. He prayed this was just another nightmare. Maybe… Maybe he’s getting his wish when he hears the silence. Does he dare open his eyes and see the truth?

He’s scared, trembling, and it heightens when he hears the girl heaving for air. So much so he clenches his grip on the fabric tighter, the strange smelling air going through his nostrils causing him to gasp himself. When his eyes snapped open is when his coughing fit started.

He hears his name being called, and hands coming around his shoulders. He almost jerks away, afraid, until his orbs settle on the silhouette before him.

“S-Steph?” He croaked, a sense of relief flooding his veins. “What just happened?” He could see the confusion on her face, looking around for clues. He followed her eyes, nose crinkling at the sight. “We’re still in the shed. But it’s… gross.”

She swallows. “Stay behind me.” She tells him, and guides herself through the door. They both shivered at the sudden drop in temperature. “Jesus, It’s freezing.”

Will and her looked around, the outside world seemed to be encased in a blue hue, the places around seemed to be tangled with vines and covered in something sticky. There was also a white powder that looked like snow, raining down from the dark skies above. A sky that didn’t even have moonlight like it did a few minutes ago.

“Did you hit your head when we crashed?” She asked after getting his attention away from the sky.

He shakes his head, almost sadly. If that had both just hit their heads, would the situation have been better? He frowns, worriedly thinking away as the older girl tries to stay calm.

“Come on.” She says, gesturing to him to follow. “Let’s go inside. I want to see something.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| PRESENT ||

The rain was coming down more intensely than before, followed by the grumbling of thunder and lightning. Somehow, miraculously, the boys, mostly Wheeler, managed to convince the strange girl they found in the woods to return home with them, and hid her in the basement.

“Is there a number we can call for your parents?” Mike asked, worriedly as the girl looked between the three boys, all scared and confused.

“Where’s your hair? Do you have cancer?” Dustin spitted out, genuinely curious.

“Did you run away?” Lucas asked, skeptical.

“Are you in some kind of trouble?” Mike says, just as his friend questions a red sustain on her shirt. He slaps his hand away quickly. “Stop it! You’re freaking her out!”

“She’s freaking me out!”

“I bet she’s deaf.” Dustin suggested, before taking a quick half step and smacking his hands together. The sound makes the girl flinch, and he frowns apologetically. “Not deaf.”

“That’s enough, all right? She’s just scared and cold.” Mike said, silencing the two before running over to the laundry basket and grabbing some clothes. “Here, these are clean. Okay?”

The girl takes them, taking a second to be grateful before she starts stripping– The boys freak out, Mike running up to stop her while the other two look away.

“See over there?” He points. “Th-That’s the bathroom. Privacy. Get it?” She nods and he shows her inside. Just when he was about to shut it behind him, she grabs it forcibly. “You don’t want it closed?”

“No.” She finally says, surprising him.

“Oh, so you can speak. Okay, well… Um, how about we just keep the door…” He slowly moves it until there’s about three inches of space. “Just like this. Is that better?”

“Yes.”

Mike smiles and leaves her be, rejoining the group who were having a conversation of their own.

“This is mental.” Dustin said, freaking out.

“At least she can talk.” Mike points out, with Lucas shaking his head, replying,

“She said ‘no’ and ‘yes’. Your three-year-old sister says more.”

“She tried to get naked.” Dustin adds.

“There’s something seriously wrong with her.” Lucas said, touching his temple. “Like, wrong in the head.”

“She just went like…” The Henderson boy makes a motion of taking off shirt (and even knocked his own hat off his head).

“I bet she escaped from Pennhurst.”

“From where?” Mike said, eyebrow raised.

“The nuthouse in Kerley County.”

“You got a lot of family there?” Dustin teased, getting a dirty look.

“Bite me. Seriously though, think about it. That would explain her shaved hair and why she’s so crazy.”

“Why she went like…” He does the shirt motion again. In his mind this was helping him and Lucas’ case.

“‘She’s an escapee’ is the point. She’s probably a psycho.”

“Like Michael Myers.”

“Exactly! We should’ve never brought her here.”

“So you just wanted to leave her out in that storm?” Mike asks, irritated.

“Yes! We went out to find Will–”

“And Phanie.” Dustin pressures.

“And Steph – not another problem!” Lucas agrees.

“I think we should tell your mom.”

“I second that.”

Mike holds his hand up. “Who’s crazy now?”

“How is that crazy?” Lucas scoffed.

“‘Cause, we weren’t supposed to be out tonight, remember?”

“So?”

“So if I tell my mom and she tells your mom and your mom–”

Dustin’s eyes widened. “Oh, man.”

“Our houses become Alcatraz.” Lucas frowns.

“Exactly. We’ll never find Will, or Steph.” Mike says, seeing Dustin make the shirt motion once more, silently asking the question about the girl. “All right, here’s the plan. She sleeps here tonight.”

Henderson perked up again. “You’re letting a girl–”

“Just listen! In the morning, she sneaks around my house, goes to the front door and rings my doorbell. My mom will answer and know exactly what to do. She’ll send her back to Pennhurst or wherever she comes from. We’ll be totally in the clear. And tomorrow night, we go back out. And this time, we find Will and Stephanie.”

Lucas and Dustin share a look, until one of them finally shrugged. “I guess that works.”

“Great. We’ll start again tomorrow. Goodnight, guys.” Mike bid them as he went off to start making the mysterious girl a place to rest.

“This is crazy, man.” Lucas said, once they had snuck back out. “What the hell is Mike even thinking?”

“I don’t know. Do you think his plan will really work?” Dustin asked, as they headed over to where their bikes were hidden.

“I’m giving it less than a fifty percent chance of success.” He sighs. “I better get home.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Hey, don’t look so sad.” He pats his curly haired friend on the back. “We’ll find them.”

“I just want my sister back. You have no idea.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

In the following morning, in the Byers house, the eldest seemingly was keeping it together, making the morning meal like he always does and hoping his worrying mother would have just a bite.

“All right, Mom. Breakfast is ready.” Jonathan said, while placing the plate down in front of her, her thoughts being interrupted.

“What?” His mother said, before moving some papers. “No, be careful of the poster.”

“Yeah, okay. All right–”

“I can’t eat.”

“I just need you to eat, Mom.”

“Listen, listen. The Xerox place opens in, like…” She looks down at her watch. “30 minutes–”

“Mom–”

“And I don’t want you to go alone–”

“No, I know. I told you, I got it.”

“So I’m gonna have Karen take you, ‘cause I should be here.” She gestures around, all jittery. “Claudia will meet you there, b-but if she’s not, she’ll reimburse us for the copies of Stephanie, I–”

He shakes his head with understanding. “Okay.”

“We need to make, what, 200, 300 copies?” He nods again. “How much is a copy?”

“Mom?”

“Ten cents?”

“Mom?”

“If we– ten cents”

“Mom, Mom!” Jonathan stops her from counting the cash she had laid out, and squeezes her shoulder with her other hang to calm her. “Y-You can’t get like this, okay?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Joyce replies, taking a shaky inhale of nicotine.

“No, it’s okay.” He reassures her softly, just before someone comes knocking on their door. The mother rushed over with her son on her tail, busting the door wide open for the exhausted police officer.

“We’ve been waiting six hours.”

“I know, I came as soon as I could.” Hopper replies, nearly dead on his feet.

“Six hours.”

“A little bit of trust here, all right?” He slides his hat off. “We’ve been searching all night, went all the way to Cartersville.”

“And?”

“Nothing.”

Joyce made a choking sound and looked away. “God…”

Hopper frowns, sadly. “Flo says you got a phone call?”

“Oh, yeah.” Joyce nods and shows him their phone.

He picks it, examining the speaker part of it which was charded black. “Storm barbecued this pretty good.”

She took a step back in surprise. “The storm?”

Hopper looked at her like she had two heads. “What else?”

“You’re saying that that’s not weird?”

“No, it’s weird.”

“Can we, like, trace who made the call? Contact the–”

“No, it doesn’t work like that.” He shakes his head, and then looks at her with all seriousness. “Now, uh, you’re sure it was Will? Because Flo said you just heard some breathing.”

“No. It was him, it was Will... and h-he was scared. And then something–”

“It was probably just a prank call. It was somebody trying to scare you.”

“Who would do that?” Joyce questioned, face full of confusion and sickness.

“Well, this thing’s been on TV. It brings out all the crazies, you know. False leads, prank calls, uh–”

“No, Hopper, it was not a prank. It was him.”

“Joyce.” He begins, as she denies him again

“Come on, how about a little trust here?” She laughs dryly. “What, you think I’m– I’m making this up?”

“I’m not saying that you’re making it up.” Hopper looks at her with concern again. “All I’m saying is it’s an emotional time for you.”

“And you think I don’t know my own son’s breathing?”

“Joyce–”

“Hopper, my son’s missing. A-And not only that, someone else’s daughter is missing.” She nervously takes a puff of her cigarette. “And you know what the mess up part about that is? Stephanie didn’t have to! She didn’t have to be the sweetheart she is and take my son home. She could have just drove past him, but she didn’t! She didn’t, Hop. And now I have to live with the thought that I made someone else’s kid go missing because I. Was. Working!”

She ends with an emotional sigh, tightening the heavy tension it the room. Jonathan worriedly looking at his mother before, locking eyes with the police chief who was trying to find the right words to say.

“You hear from, uh, Lonnie yet?” Hopper asked after the small silence.

“No.”

“It’s been long enough.” He puts his hat back on. “I’m having him checked out.”

“Oh, come on!” She sighs loudly, watching him leave. “You’re wasting your time.” Then the door shuts, and rubs her temple. “Jesus. He never listens!”

Jonathan ponders for a moment, before asking, “Mom, how likely is it that Will would actually go to Lonnie’s?”

“I…” Joyce runs a hand through her messy locks. “It’s possible, but he lives a long, long way. Especially on foot. But… I don’t– maybe he would! I…” She sighs again, overwhelmed. “However, I don’t think he would have gone with Stephanie. He’s… W-Will knows your father’s not the best man, and Will, you know, has that heart of gold.”

That got a chuckle out of both of them. “Yeah.”

“I don’t think Will would have risked Stephanie like that.” She shakes her head. “No. She’s an older kid, and older sister. As much as this sounds messed up, she would have done anything to make sure Will was safe. I know it. So… my question is…” She locks eyes with her son. “What would a girl her age think is a safe place for a young boy?”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| TWO NIGHTS AGO ||

Stephanie flipped the lightswitch on in the kitchen out of curiosity, but finds herself still submerged in darkness. “Just what I thought. There’s no light.” She says with a frown.

“The flash of light we saw–” Will looks up at her. “Do you think it was a power outage?”

“I don’t think there’s light here, I mean-” She starts walking around, rubbing her shaking hands together. “Look at this place. I don’t think we’re in Hawkins anymore.” She shivers just a smidge. “At least it’s a little warmer inside here.” Then she hears a distressful sound. “Will?”

The boy was pale, pupils blown wide and had a small tremble. “W-What do you m-mean we’re not in Hawkins anymore?” He asked, lip quivering with a slight pant. “B-But th-this looks like my house. D-Did w-we get taken somewhere else? Can we even g-go home? I–”

“Shit… Will–” She rushes over, hands coming up to his shoulders while she gets on one knee. “Will? Hey, bud, listen– hey.” She makes sure his gaze meets hers. “Don’t freak out. I know it’s scary, but we’re going to figure this out. Once we do, I’m going to get us home, I promise.”

The boy sniffles into his shoulder, fighting back tears. “You promise?”

“I promise.” She says it without realizing the fate of those words.

He swallows and extends out a certain finger. “Pinky promise?”

Her breath was nearly taken away by that certain question, taking her far back into a distant memory. But… like hell she’s going to let that memory change her judgment. She interlocks hers with his and repeats, “Pinky promise.”

That got him to crack a smile. “So, what next?” He asks, making her rack her brain for a plan.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| PRESENT DAY ||

He woke up again to his cat’s crying. The young Henderson frowns, heart clenching at how Mews was wondering where his sister was at. For the urban legend of how cats had no emotions, he’s certainly not seeing it. He rubbed his eyes and wandered aimlessly around, the thought of calling sick into school was still fresh in his mind. Should he? I mean it made sense, and it wasn’t like the school won’t understand, so….

Was that a yes?

He walked through the hallway, curls in his eyes as slows in front of his sister’s bedroom. His cat locked eyes with him, sadness and confusion filled the slitted pupils. Mews meows again.

“She’s not back yet.” Dustin says, getting a chirp. “We’re trying. She’ll be back soon.” He starts walking away, hearing him make a sad sound once more.

“Dusty-bun, I’m going to make some posters.” Claudia said, who were gathering her belongings by the door. “I left you breakfast on the stove.”

His nervous fingers gripped his t-shirt as he tried not to sound so down. “Hey, Mom?” Her eyes meet his gaze. “Is it okay if I… stay home today?”

Claudia’s face softens bittersweetly. “Of course you can, sweety. If you leave the house for whatever reason, just leave me a note where you’re going, that’s all I ask.” She gives him a kiss on his hairline, and is one foot out the door before adding, “Oh! And be back before dark. Okay? Your Mama doesn’t need to worry about another kid.”

“Can do.”

He watches her smile and closes the door, locking it. He frowns at that action, I mean they’ve never locked their door before, and now it was becoming second nature. He was even surprised she told him he could leave the house. Or… did she not expect him to leave this place in the state he’s in? Sounds like something she would do.

He sighs and heads for the kitchen to make himself a plate. He didn’t have much of an appetite, really, but he didn’t want to hurt his mother’s feelings or make her beg for him to eat – he didn’t want to call ‘pot kettle black’ since he was the one that had to convince his mourning mother to eat last night. But it was hard, his fork just picking at the food, cutting it into smaller pieces to stare at before dropping his utensil onto the plate.

Steph… His fingers dug into his pocket and pulled the gold chain out, letting it sprawl out in his palm. He stares at it intensely, thinking. Come on, Sis, give me a sign. What happened to you and Will? What caused you to go off road and run? Run with Will’s shotgun out of all things?

What had got her so scared that they needed a weapon to protect themselves? Both her and Will were the last two people that would resort in violence, so the fact that they decided to arm themselves with a weapon tells him that something sinister was up.

But what? Dustin lays the necklace down next to him, pretending that she was here to eat with him like she always does, before deciding it was time to munch on what was left on his plate.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Hopper struggles to keep his mind clear after that conversation with Joyce. His thought always going back to this particular moment:

““Stephanie didn’t have to! She didn’t have to be the sweetheart she is and take my son home. She could have just drove past him, but she didn’t! She didn’t, Hop. And now I have to live with the thought that I made someone else’s kid go missing because I. Was. Working!””

Of course the woman felt guilty about everything. I mean, your kid goes missing, who else are you going to blame other than yourself? But she also was chipping away at the idea it was her fault that that poor girl was missing too. Blames herself for working later than usual, and wasn’t the one to come across her own son on the road and pick him up. That’s a lot of guilt for someone who’s holding the family together on her own.

He listens to the volunteers shout the children’s names, hoping that they would shout back. Hopper wishes that too. He prays that one of them would yell back for help and get this nightmare over with.

“Hey!” He shouts at the two officers. “Anything?”

Callahan shakes his head. “You?”

“No, nothing but a dead phone.”

“Joyce?”

Hopper nods. “About one step from falling off the edge.”

“She’s been a few steps for a while now, hasn’t she?” Powell asked, as he’s met with a stern glare.

“Kid’s missing, man. Show a little class.” Hopper snaps, making them avert their eyes.

“All right…”

He exhales and takes off with the rest of the group, shouting, “Come on, let’s go! We got a lot of ground to cover.” He keeps his fingers crossed that this would be it. That this would be the search that brings them home.

For their mothers' sake.

For his sake.

For every goddamn person out of here’s sake.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| THE NIGHT BEFORE ||

Stephanie shifted through the last cabinet and frowns. “Well, we can’t cook anything because there’s no electricity. But we can eat the dry goods. Unless we can figure out how to start a fire” She sighs, and wrinkles her nose. I mean, they can go a few days without eating if they didn’t want to touch the box of crackers covered in goo. But water? How were they supposed to have water if the faucet comes out with something they probably shouldn’t drink.

She rubs her temples, thinking. “I guess we’re going to have to look for some bottled stuff to drink.” She makes contact with the boy who just entered the room. “How you feeling?”

“Fine. I got a bit of a chill, but we can still grab clothes out of the closets if we need it.” Will replies, hugging his walkie talkie close.

“And the call?”

“Nothing. I mean I could hardly ever get reception over here anyway, so maybe we can try finding a different spot.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea." She says with a sigh. “Where’s the shotgun?”

“Oh, uh– Mom’s room.” He points behind him.

“Alright, maybe I’ll take a peek outside. If it seems clear, maybe we can try to find some reception.”

Stephanie leaves the room with Will looking back at his walkie. He had to remain strong, hopeful. He has to get through to someone. His friends, his family, one of them has to be able–

Wait.

Was he hearing things? Was his mind playing tricks?

His eyes trail to his living room where he swears he heard someone talking. It was faint, but you can’t miss it.

It sounds like… His chest tightens at a thought, his brown orbs blown wide as he looks at the yellow phone on the wall. It was probably hopeless, stupid even, I mean… the damn thing didn’t work when Stephanie tried to call for help when they were being chased. But that was the real world, this was… fake? Maybe it different, maybe it’s—

Oh, shit.

Maybe he’s just grasping at straws at this point and hopes it turns out okay.

His fingers latch around the phone, pulling it off the receiver and dials his home’s number, praying with all his might that this ridiculous idea would actually work.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, com–

Oh, he felt like crying when someone picked up.

[ ‘Hello?’ ]

His mother’s voice broke through and poke him in the heart. He couldn’t breath as relief washed over him like a storm.

[ ‘Hello? Lonnie? Hopper? Who is this?’ ]

Say something, say something, say something– His lip quivers as he swallows. “M-Mom?” He can’t wait till Steph hears about this. “M-Mom, I-It’s me.”

She can hear me right? She has to.

[ ‘Will? Will? It’s Will!’ ]

[ ‘Mom, it’s Will?’ ]

He could cry upon hearing the second voice. “J-Jonathan? Mom? M-Me and Stephanie are tr-trap in some weird place! I-I don’t know what t-to–”

Then he was cut off by the dreadful sound of the monster. Will watched as its claws wrapped around the corner, almost like it was pulling itself into the kitchen. He doesn’t even know where it came from. He didn’t even hear it freaking come in!

He froze on sight, his mother shouting something he couldn’t make out as the beast with no eyes looked directly at him. He wanted to scream but it was stuck in his throat. Is this how he was going to die? Die by listening to his mother’s pleas to answer her?

It shrieked and seemed to get bigger, ready to strike him down before it took a bullet to the face. The shot made it fall against the wall, and Will drops the fried phone and backs himself away. Stephanie looked half scared to death too as she cocks the shotgun again and fires one more when it stands up, sending it flying to the living room. As quickly as her buckling knees could hold her, she rushes over to Will, pulling him behind her as she aims the barrel into the direction the beast was. Shaking intensely, she carefully peeks around the corner to find that it had completely vanished like it did earlier. She gasps in shock before sliding to the ground herself, mentally drained.

“Steph!!” Will calls out with worry. He could see her eyes glassing over, her skin becoming paler as she shouts,

“Where the fuck are we?!”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| PRESENT DAY ||

Steve strolls into school, head in the clouds, and an aching feeling in the pit of his stomach. His sleep went to complete shit after the conversation with his girlfriend last night. He still doesn’t understand why it was affecting him so much. It’s not like him and Steph hung out anymore. So why is he losing sleep over this?

You’re not even friends anymore, Harrington. He mentally slaps himself. Get your shit together–

“Boo!” Tommy yelled, jumping out from behind the corner, startling him.

“Jesus, Hagan.” Steve said, holding his chest while the other teen laughed.

“That was so easy.”

“So–” Carol’s arm snakes around him with a grin. “Did you tell your little girlfriend about your party?”

“I-I… not yet.”

“What? You didn’t tell her at her house yesterday?”

“N-No. Never got the chance to.”

“What?!” Tommy scoffs. “Stealthy Stevie didn’t get to use his skills last night?” Him and his girlfriend laughed, but then grew quiet seeing how distant the King was being. “What the fuck’s going on with you, man?”

“Um…” Steve’s gaze gets caught onto someone else, spotting a certain person posting a certain flier up on the bulletin board. He swallows, and masks a fake smile. “You guys go ahead to class. I got to grab something out of my locker.”

“Oh, we can go with you.” Carol begins, trying to follow him but he shakes them off.

“No, no. Go ahead. I’ll meet you there.” Steve ignores the strange looks they gave him before walking away. Deciding this was the ‘only’ way, he rushes over to the oldest Byers kid, ‘accidently’ pushing his shoulder into his, knocking the papers out of his hand while he was leaving. He scoffs, while saying, “Watch where you’re going!”

Jonathan says nothing as he bends over to collect the rest, oblivious to the other teenager sliding a paper away with his foot. Once he leaves, Steve retrieves the flier from under his shoe, reading it over.

HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Stephanie Henderson Age 16, 5’4” Brown Hair, Blue Eyes, 110lbs. Last seen wearing a brown work uniform, black jacket, white sneakers, and a baseball cap. Reach out to Claudia Henderson or Joyce Byers at #### or ####

Steve stares with a distant look in his eyes, thumb brushing over her picture. Such a gentle smile for a gentle person. God… why did they have to use that picture? It was right before he–

He frowns, throwing his head back.

Fuck…

What the hell was he supposed to do now?

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Back at the Wheeler’s house, Mike decided to stay home, his parents totally unaware of him doing so. He showed the new girl around his place, acting a bit giggly when they finally got to his room. He was so excited to show off his action figures, and comic books, and anything else that he holds close to his heart. He didn’t even realize she was starting to wander off to where a collection of trophies were. Her brown eyes grew with fascination by them.

“Oh, these are all my science fair trophies. We got first every year.” Mike’s smile drops just a tad. “Except for last year when we got third. Mr. Clarke said it was totally political.”

Yeah, it totally was that. He expected some kind of reaction from her, except for the one where her eyes widened and she slowly pointed to the picture of Will in their fair picture together.

Mike perked up, hopeful. “You know Will? Did you see him? Last Night? On the road? Did–” He pauses. “Hang on a sec.” Maybe he’s getting his hopes up as he grabs another photo after shifting around in his drawer. It was a picture of his friends’ families at the lake, posing nicely for the camera.

He points to the girl in the right hand corner. “This is Stephanie. She’s his sister.” He points to Dustin who’s hanging out behind her. “She supposedly gave Will a ride the night he disappeared, and we can’t find her either. Did you see her too?”

The girl studies Steph’s face, slowly the same reaction she had from seeing Will returned as she pointed again. “I–”

Her answer was cut short when they heard something from outside. Mike gets up quickly, peeking through his curtains to see his mother’s car pulling into the driveway. He pales.

“Shit.” He rushes to grab her by the hand and strings her along. “We gotta hide!”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| HOURS BEFORE ||

Of course the eldest stayed awake for most of the night, the two of them tucked away in the far corner of Will’s room, her eyes trained on the door just in case that wretched monster appeared again. She kept a good grip on the shotgun, one foot planted on the ground for a quick pop up if needed. Adrenaline was pumping in her blood, she was fighting off her exhaustion and hunger, while a tune played on her dry lips.

“♪ Here we stand

Worlds apart, hearts broken in two. Two. Two

Sleepless nights.

Losing ground, I’m reaching for you. You. You

Feeling that it’s gone

Can’t change your mind

If we can’t go on

To survive–♪”

Will stirred beside her, his head resting on her shoulder that was starting to fall asleep, but she refused to jostle the kid. God knows he needs his rest. Well… so does she, but she’ll get around to that.

Her mind wanders back to the conversation they had last night, the one where Will admitted he spoke to his mother on the phone. Shock wasn’t the right word, especially when she examined the phone that had been burnt black, and when asking again if he heard that right, the youngest Byers swears he did.

Is there actually a way to communicate to… well… ‘our world’, I guess. She ponders on that thought, wondering if it’s possible to do so without frying your phone to death. Not to mention Will swears he heard people talking before calling his mother. Can we only communicate to the people we ‘hear’?

She scolds herself. This hurts my head too much.

“♪ –The tide

Love divides

Someday, love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched and went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won’t desert you

You know I still love you

Though we touched and went our separate ways– ♪”

Will stirred again, this time waking up slowly with a groan. “Was it a dream…?” He whispers, his eyes opening at a snail pace.

“I wish.” Steph says, sadly.

“Did you sleep okay?” He asks, rubbing his face.

Her heart skips a beat and a lie slips out. “Uh, yeah. It was fine.”

“That’s good.”

“We shouldn’t stay here.” She says, surprising him. “We should probably move around, maybe lose that monster for a while. And you’re probably hungry too, I know my mom keeps cans and bottled water down in our basement for emergencies. That should tie us over for a little while.”

“Is it even safe to go out?” He wonders, yet intrigued. He’ll admit… he is a bit famished.

“I don’t know. But we got to try. Right?”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“Whoa, whoa. Careful, careful.” Hopper says as he snags his partner by the collar. “I need you alive for the next few days, at least.”

Callahan smirked and scoffed as he gestures to the Quarry below. “Oh, hell, I could survive that.” He said, making his superior laugh. “What? George Burness made the jump. And he was drunk as a skunk. He did it on a $10 bet.”

“George is a liar. You make that jump from this height, that water turns into cement. Hits you like a ton of bricks.” Hopper smacks his hands together. “Break every damn bone in your body.”

The youngster pondered on that for a second before shaking his head. “Nah.”

[ ‘Chief, you copy?’ ]

Hopper grabs his walkie from his belt. “Yeah, Flo, talk to me.”

[ ‘Hey, Chief, we got a call from over at Benny’s. I think you need to get there right away.’ ]

And those were words he didn’t want to hear. So he and his team rushed over there as quickly as they could, and the first they were met with was the smell of a rotting corpse.

“Ugh, Jesus!” Callahan said, covering his nose.

“Suicide?” Powell asked, after a moment of silence.

Hopper hummed and stared in disbelief at the man laying on the table, pistol in hand and a bullet wound straight through the temple. There’s no way this can be real.

“Missing kid, suicide.” Callahan frowns. “You must feel like a big city cop again, huh, Chief?

“Well, I mostly dealt with strangers back then.” Hopper replies, this particular moment he almost broke down. “Benny was my friend.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| HOURS BEFORE ||

Stephanie peeked outside before gesturing to Will to follow. The two of them had backpacks on that they found lying around, going to use them to fill up with anything they could find – But the task that lay ahead was going to be hard. The task was…

Walking back through Mirkwood to the Henderson home.

No lights, just a few bullets to spare, and their pure will to survive (Or maybe it’s the fear that’s fueling that will).

“I don’t like this.” Will mutters, only a few minutes after they left the Byers’ driveway and down a few feet on the road. “What if that thing spawns in front of us again?”

“Then we shoot it and book it again. That’s all we can do now.” Steph replies, carefully looking around. But what if he’s right? What if thing actually just spawns out of thin air? Then there’s not telling where and when not to go.

He stays silent, shaking a tad as they make it further down the road. It took a hot minute for the older girl to notice this and stop briefly, the twelve year old’s eyes confused just as she held out her hand. Without missing a beat, his clammy hand takes it, squeezing it tight. She smiles just a tad, reminding her of Dustin before they started walking again.

She felt him hang on to dear life as they strolled into the darkest part of Mirkwood, the eeriness that was silence was making their hearts race. She came to a conclusion after facing the monster last night that she had to be the strong one here. She has to act like the older sister again, and remain calm, and to keep him safe.

I made a promise. I don’t know how to fulfill it just yet, but I’m going to get him out of here. Steph casts a glance down at him, the poor boy’s face looked so cold. Does hers look like that too?

She grins after a quick thought. “Hey–” His eyes locked with hers. “What does a ‘Ranger’ do in D&D? That one sounds intriguing to me.”

His face lights up. “You actually want to play D&D?”

“Hey, you suggested it, I might as well. So, the Ranger? What’s that like? The lore?”

“Well, Rangers are warriors that explore different civilizations, and they hunt down the deadliest of monsters. They’re trained in many different combat techniques, survival skills, and even some magic.”

“Magic? I like the sound of that.”

“They mostly reside in the forest, or anything ‘nature-y’.”

She chuckles. “I don’t like the sound of that. What else? Aren’t there like… classes… or different types?

“Oh, yeah.” He nods. “I guess it depends on what you prefer. Do you want me to tell you?”

“I’m all ears.” Steph said, making a motion. I’m just glad he’s stopped shaking.

“Well, there’s a lot. The most common ones are ‘Beast Masters’, which are accompanied with an animal companion. Then there’s ‘Hunters’, which are mainly just professional assassins that take down monsters of all sorts. Now, even though all Rangers have the capability of taking monsters down, Hunters are strictly made just to do that.”

She hums. “Interesting.”

“Then there’s ‘Gloom Stalkers’, who live mostly in dark realms, and take down the shadowy beasts roaming the territory. They’re pretty good at ambushing their opponents.” He smiles. “Personally, I find that the coolest.”

“Well, I can see why. What else? Do Rangers get weapons?”

“Of course! The most common is a two-blade or archery.”

“Archery sounds cool.”

“See, I agree. But I know Lucas always says it’s ‘stupid’, so–”

Steph shakes her head with a sigh. “Oh, well. I guess I’ll have to prove him wrong when I play.”

“So you are going to play with us!” Will said, joyfully, like you just told him Christmas was coming early.

“If that’s how I prove Lucas wrong, then so be it. So how does one newbie play D&D?” She asked, hopefully this will keep him occupied. At least I can keep him distracted until we get there.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| PRESENT ||

“Are you out of your mind?” Lucas said, as soon as Mike was done with his explanation for them being here.

“Just listen to me.” Mike pleads.

“You are out of your mind–”

“She knows about Will and Steph.”

Dustin perks up after being the silent one here. “What do you mean she knows about them?”

Mike grabs the pictures from earlier and holds them up. “She pointed at them, at their picture. She knew they were missing. I could tell.”

“You could tell?” Lucas asked, looking between the pictures and the girl who was on the bed.

“Just think about it. Do you really think it was a coincidence that we found her on Mirkwood, the same place where they disappeared?”

Dustin nodded, agreeing. “That is weird.”

“And she said bad people are after her.” Mike said, with a frown. “I think maybe these bad people are the same ones that took Will and Steph. I think she knows what happened to them.”

“Then why doesn’t she tell us?” Lucas asked, glaring at her direction before stomping over. “Do you know where they are?” He grabs her by the shoulder. “Do you know where Will and Stephanie are?!”

“Stop it, you’re scaring her!” Mike pulls him away, as his friend brushes him off.

“She should be scared! If you know where they are, tell us! This is nuts. We have to take her to your mom.”

“No! Eleven said telling any adult would put us in danger.”

“What kind of danger?” Dustin asked, his thoughts from earlier about his sister and Will taking a shotgun with them crossed his mind.

Lucas gives him a weird look. “Her name is Eleven?”

“El for short.” Mike clarifies.

“Mike! What kind of danger?” Dustin pushes, his stomach turning.

“Danger danger!” The brunette makes a finger gun and points it between Henderson’s eyes before moving over towards Lucas who demises quickly.

“No, no, no!” Sinclair snaps, rushing for the door. “We’re going back to plan A. We’re telling your mom.”

He pulls open the door only for it to slam shut automatically. Not even batting an eye at that, he tries again, for it to not only to shut with more force but to even lock itself. The boys look back at the only explanation, and they see El standing on her feet with a drop of blood coming out of her nose.

“No.” She said, with a tone that told them not to push it.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Back at the station, Hopper was questioning an anxious friend of Benny’s. Earl was his name, and he was sitting in a chair, eyes full of disbelief as he lit a cigarette.

“Just doesn’t make any sense, Chief.”

“You, uh, notice anything odd about him the last few weeks?” Hopper asked, trying to keep it professional (even though this case was hurting him the most).

Earl shakes his head. “No, we’re fixin’ to go fishing down the Etowah next Sunday. I mean, he was lookin’ forward to it. I know that.”

“He got any enemies you might know about? I mean, people who might not want him around?”

“The exes didn’t like him much. That’s for sure, but… nah.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“Yesterday. Lunch, same as always.”

“Just you and the boys?”

“Yep. Me and Henry and…” He pauses. “Well, there was this, uh, this kid. No kid did this.”

“Kid?” Hopper nearly perked up hope. “What are you talking about?”

“Yeah. At lunch, uh, there was this boy that, uh I mean, he was trying to steal food out of Benny’s kitchen. Can you imagine that?”

Hopper locked eyes with Callahan who got the silent message. “This kid what’d he look like?”

“Well, he was about yea high.” Earl raises his arm up and out. “You know, tiny like. I didn’t get a good look at him, though. He was back in the kitchen.”

“He look like this?” Callahan asked, coming back with a missing kid poster of Will.

He takes the flier, and immediately shakes his head. “Oh, no, that’s… that’s Lonnie’s missin’ kid. No. This was a different kid. This one had really short hair. I mean, it was buzzed nearly down to the scalp.”

Hopper tries not to let his composure break, and continues to hold on to the slimmer of hope. “Yeah, well, let’s… You know, let’s forget about the haircut. I mean, if this kid had a buzz cut… could it be Lonnie’s kid?”

“Well, I-I… didn’t get a good look at him. About the right height, though. I mean, could’ve been. Yeah, that’s… Could’ve been.”

Hopper frowns, taking the poster back from him. “And, you only saw the boy right? No girl? Teenager? Dark hair?”

“No.” Earl shakes his head once more. “No. I didn’t see a girl.”

The Chief mentally sighs. This is not good.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

[ ‘A party?’ ]

Finally! Steve thought, pumping his fist. She finally sounded intrigued. He was hoping this would make up for his weird behavior at school.

And, no, no, no, It wasn’t because of– well… ‘you know who’. Totally not because of her. Totally, totally, totally not–

[ ‘Steve?’ ]

Nancy’s voice broke through his totally not clouded mind. “Uh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, a party. Well… kind of. It’s just going to be me, Tommy H. and Carol. No parents for the whole weekend, so we wouldn’t have to worry about them coming in and ruining the mo-jo.”

Just my friends and my girlfriend. Just having fun, no worries about–

[ ‘Not much of a party with just four people.’ ]

He laughs. “Okay, I’ll admit, it’s a little sad. But you know, it’s better this way. And, you know, if you want to, you can invite Barbara. If it makes you feel more comfortable. Or not. Or you don’t have to come–”

[ ‘Steve.’ ]

“Yeah?”

[ ‘I’ll totally come. But I’m going to try to convince Barb first if that’s alright.’ ]

“Yeah, Yeah. Totally. It starts at seven.”

[ ‘Starts at seven. Got it. I’ll see you then.’ ]

He smiles. “See you then. Bye.”

[ ‘Bye.’ ]

“Yes!” He said, once he hung up the phone. “Finally.” He feels his spirits get lifted again. “This is going to be perfect.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| HOURS BEFORE ||

“Welcome to Mi Casa.” Stephanie said, upon entering her home. Just as gross and dark as Will’s.

“You said the basement, right?” Will asked, the thought of eating something sounded nice.

“Yep.”

They thought navigating below “sunlight” was going to be hard, but I guess living in darkness for nearly twenty-four hours had its perks. Finding the tote where the emergency supplies were easier than they thought, their stomachs growing when they saw the cans of food.

“Hang on second.” Steph said, disappearing back up the stairs for a sec, and then coming back with some forks and a can opener. She uses her shirt to wipe it clean the best she could before using. “Pineapple or Peaches?”

“Pineapple, please.” Will said, drooling as she placed the open can in his hands. The two of them plop down criss-cross applesauce, sighing with relief that they could finally take a rest.

“We’ll have to take what we can, but don’t make your bag too heavy in case we need to run again. Got it?” She replies, sliding over a bottle of water to him too. He nods, and takes a second to chug some liquid too.

One can was enough for now, since none of them had any clue how long they’ll be here, they’ll need to ration what they can find. Food, water, a first aid kit, some mittens and hats, an extra jacket, socks (And Will was proud to find a half box of matches laying around).

“Do we need anything else?” He asked, making her think.

She hums, and feels around her pockets. “We need more ammo. Or another gun at least.”

“Do you have any?”

“No. I don’t.” She closes her eyes. Now where could we get more nearby?

But the more she thought about it, the more she dreaded. She does know one place they have a gun, and hopefully still does since it’s been so long.

She sighs. “I know… one place that has a gun. It’s far though. Really far. It’ll take us a couple hours to get there on foot. But it’s closer than going to town.”

“If that’s what we have to do, then let’s do it.” Will said, sliding his backpack back on, ready to start their journey again. He flashes her a goofy grin. “I hope I can count this as PE for school.”

If that was a joke to cheer her up then it totally worked.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Now that they might have a lead, the police and its volunteers spread out in the woods behind Benny’s diner, hoping to find some good news (For Hopper’s sake he really hopes so).

“Hey, you think Earl really saw Will?” Callahan asked, trying to keep up with his Boss’ speed. “I mean, what’s he doin’ with a shaved head? And stealing food from Benny?”

“Tell you what, when we find him, we’ll ask.” Hopper replies, with an attitude.

“Can’t ask a corpse questions.” Powell said, getting a glare. Suddenly, one of the volunteers blew a whistle.

“Hold up! You got something?” Hopper shouted and broke into a sprint. “Hey, what do you got?”

“Not sure.” The person said, crouching down next to a drain. “Maybe nothing. I found this. In there.”

Hopper takes a piece of fabric from his hand, before shining his flashlight through the drain, still hopeful that maybe he was lying in there, scared but safe.

“No way a kid crawls through there.” Powell said, in denial.

“I don’t know… a scared enough one might. His brother said he was good at hiding.”

“Yeah, but, just Will?” Callahan asked, conflicted. “What happened to Stephanie? ‘Cause there ain’t no way a teenager’s going to fit through this drain pipe.”

“Maybe they separated?” Powell questioned.

“I’m not so sure about that. Claudia said her daughter would never leave anyone behind.”

“Willingly that is.”

“Come on, you two.” Hopper said, jogging again.

This time, they decided to follow the drain pipe that led them further into the forest. Just as their knees were about to give out, they’re met with an electric fence and a keep out sign for the one and only…

Hawkins Lab.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“El?” Mike announces his arrival into the basement. He had just finished having dinner with his family, and even convinced his mom to let his friends stay the night. All part of his plan to figure out what was happening to his missing family.

“No adults. Just us and some meatloaf.” He continues, placing a tray down in front of the makeshift fort, letting her know to come out. Her eyes trail to him and then to the two boys falling behind. “Don’t worry. They won’t tell anyone about you. They promise. Right?”

“We never would’ve upset you if we knew you had superpowers.” Dustin said, before getting hit in the leg by Mike. “Ow!”

“What Dustin is trying to say is that they were just scared… earlier. That’s all.”

“We just wanted to find our friends.” Lucas admitted, feeling a tad guilty for his actions.

“‘Friends’?” El asked, confused by that word. It was so foreign to her. What does it even mean?

“Yeah, friends. Will? Steph?”

“What are ‘friends’?”

Lucas gave her a weird look. “Is she serious?” Henderson shrugged. “Um, a friend–”

“Is someone that you’d do anything for.” Mike cuts in.

“You lend them your cool stuff, like comic books and trading cards.” Dustin adds.

“And they never break a promise.”

“Especially when there’s spit.” Lucas also puts in, making sure she was getting it.

“Spit?” El said, tilting her head.

“A spit swear means–” He spits into his palm. “You never break your word.” He holds his hand out for Dustin to take and shake. “It’s a bond.”

Mike nods in agreement. “That’s super important, because friends… they tell each other things. Things that parents don’t know.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Barbara finally pulls the car over to the side after her friend insisted they stop here. She looks over at the brunette with a strange look. “What are we doing here? His house is three blocks away.”

“We can’t park in the driveway.” Nancy said, making the ginger roll her eyes.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, the neighbors might see.”

“This is so stupid.” Barb shakes her head. “I’m just gonna drop you off.”

“Calm down, Barb. Come on. You promised that you’d go.” Nancy pleaded with her ‘baby doe’ face. “You’re coming. We’re gonna have a great time.”

“He just wants to get in your pants.”

Nancy chuckles with disbelief. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Nance… seriously. He invited you to his house. His parents aren’t home. Come on, you are not this stupid.”

“Tommy H. and Carol are gonna be there.”

“Tommy and Carol have been having sex since, like, seventh grade.” Barb cringes at the thought. “It’ll probably just be, like, a big orgy.”

“Gross.”

“I’m serious!”

“All right, well…” Nancy takes her seat belt off and starts unbuttoning her sweater. “You can be, like, my guardian. All right? Make sure I don’t get drunk and do anything stupid.”

“Ugh.” Barb said, shaking her head. She watches as her friend takes her top off and starts fiddling around in her purse for another one. “Is that a new bra?”

Nancy pauses. “No.”

“So, obvious, Nancy…”

“Hey.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“What’s the weirdo doing?” Lucas asked, watching her sit at their D&D table and close her eyes.

“El?” Mike said, as they gathered around, waiting.

When she opens her eyes, she slowly gravitates to one of the pieces and picks it up. “Will.” She replies, showing it was the Wizard piece, the one that the boy always plays as.

“Superpowers.” Dustin said, as Lucas rolled his eyes, still not convinced about this whole thing.

“Did you see him? On Mirkwood? Do you know where he is?” Mike asks, just before she brushes the rest of the figures off the board and flips it over. She places the wizard piece on the board. “I don’t understand.”

“Hiding.” She replies, the boys looking at one another. She then places another figure down, surprising them.

“Who is that supposed to be?” Lucas asked, as Dustin perked up.

“The Ranger. Is that Stephanie?” He asked, as she nodded. “Are they hiding?” She nods again. “Together.” Another nod.

“From the bad men?” Mike asked, but she shakes her head in disappointment. “Then from who?”

And without saying another word she places another figure down.

It was a beast with two heads.

The Demogorgon.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| NOW ||

It took a while like she said, and luckily they had no trouble getting there, but what was troubling the young boy was that she wouldn’t tell him where they were going. Was she embarrassed by this place? Did something happen? He doesn’t know, but it’s gnawing at him.

“We’ve arrived.” She said, as they were coming up to it.

It was… a pretty big house, much bigger than his and even his friends’ houses. He wonders if this was one of the rich neighbourhoods or something like that. And sure enough… his questions would be answered when he happened to catch the name on the mailbox.

Oh.

Now he understands why she didn’t say anything.

“So this is the…” Was he choosing his words correctly? “The King’s house?”

“Yep.” Stephanie said, hand on the doorknob which miraculously opened. She rolls her blue eyes. “They still keep it unlocked.” They stepped inside, still gloomy and covered in vines and goo like the last two. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Will follows behind, observing everything that seemed a bit foreign for him. “I knew they were rich but I didn’t know they were that rich.” He said after observing art piece after art piece that he knows isn’t locally made.

“Yeah, they got crazy money.” She said, and her pace seemed to quicken without her noticing. She hustles into the parents room, opening the closet to find a safe. “Shit.” She forgot about the lock. “Where did that bastard put the key?”

Stephanie starts running around the bedroom, pulling open drawers, looking through trinkets, his wife’s jewelry box too – A curse word after every failed attempt.

“Steph?” Will said, worriedly.

“Just give me a second.” She snapped, and left the room. She starts opening the drawers from the tables in the hallway, visibly getting more annoyed with each second. “For fuck sakes–”

“Stephanie!”

“What?!” She slammed it shut, rattling everything that was on. The force and her tone seemed to shock him, and even take a small step back. She grips the table, closing her eyes to calm herself. “Fuck. I just…”

And when she opens them she finds herself staring at the boy she wanted to forget about. It was a picture of him on his swim team, the frame saying: Championship 1981. She just stares at with emotions the youngest Byers couldn’t figure out what they were.

“Steph?” He asked, slowly.

“Yeah?”

“What happened to you and Steve?”

She continues to stare at the photo for another minute before pushing herself to stand. “I think he still keeps that knife in his room.” Was what she muttered before heading in the opposite direction to another room.

Will could only wonder what really happened to them…

Just as the lights started to flicker.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| PRESENT ||

Inside the most “fabulous” party of the year, Barb laid back in one of the pool chairs, listening to the terrible music that’s blasting in her ear as her best friend watches her boyfriend slice a hole into a beer can and start drinking it all in one go.

“Is that supposed to impress me?” Nancy asked, as he sat down and lit a cigarette.

“You’re not?” Steve asked, genuinely surprised.

“You are a cliche, you do realize that?”

“You are a cliche. What with your– your grades and your band practice.”

“I’m so not in band.”

“Okay, party girl. Why don’t you just, uh, show us how it’s done, then?” He hands her the knife and a can.

“Okay.” She says, all giggly.

“You gotta make a little hole right in–”

“I got it.”

“Yeah, she’s smart, you douche!” Tommy said, as he crushes his own can on his forehead.

Soon, everyone was chanting “Chug” as Nancy down a whole beer in under thirty seconds. Everyone cheered and laughed, proud at the achievement.

“Barb, you wanna try?” Nancy asked, holding the blade up.

“What? No. No, I don’t want to. Thanks.” She said, shaking her head. But after a quick back and forth badgering she finally gave in. She rips the items out of the girl’s hand, clearly upset. It wasn’t long before her judgment was clouding her mind and accidentally nicks herself.

“Whoa, Gnarly.” Tommy said, impressed by the deep cut.

“Are you okay?” Nancy asked, worriedly.

“Yeah.” Barb said, trying to push her away.

“Barb, you’re bleeding.”

“I’m fine. Where’s your bathroom?”

“Oh, it’s– Steve stands up, and starts taking her over to the sliding door. “It’s, uh, down past the kitchen, to the left.” He frowns. Shit of course.

But before he could say anything, Tommy had pushed Carol into the pool and then jumped in after her. Steve then shrugs, and lets a smirk play on his face as he does the same to Nancy before doing a cannonball.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| NOW ||

Steph tries to contain herself as she enters his room. It was taking a lot of strength not to just start flipping things over, and tear those stupid pendants off the wall.

Stupid fucking house. Stupid fucking room. Stupid fucking Harrington. She grits her teeth, fighting back the tears in her eyes as she desperately tries to remember where he hid the blade.

She lets out a groan. “For fuck sake’s, man! Where did you put it?!” She yells, and kicks whatever was near her. She swears something must have fallen out from it, but she doesn’t even want to look.

God damn you, Harrington. She scolds, and rubs her face. How can he–

That’s when the light in his room flickered on and off scaring her half to death. “What the–”

“Stephanie!” Will’s voice shouted, kicking her into high gear.

“Fuck.” She mumbles, and races to find that blade.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| PRESENT ||

As soon as Barb comes out of the bathroom, she immediately spots a certain someone heading up the stairs. “Nance! Nancy.” She shouts, getting her to stop. “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere. Just… upstairs. To change. I… fell in the pool.” Nancy said, feeling like she was on cloud nine. “Why don’t you go ahead and go home. I’ll just… I’ll get a ride or something.”

“Nance–”

“Barb, I’m fine.”

“This isn’t you.”

“I’m fine. Just go ahead and go home, okay?”

And then Nancy leaves her all alone, confused and heartbroken by her friend’s actions. But despite being hurt, she couldn’t just up and leave her drunken buddy like this. So…

She decides to wait.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Steve had found her some clothes she could change in, and he was grinning like a kid upon the thought of seeing his girlfriend in his clothes.

I’m such a dork. He tells himself as she calls out his name. “Yeah?” There was a look in her eyes that he’s never seen before, and honestly was turned on by it.

But ‘Fuck that’, says the universe, and the home phone starts to ring.

He groans, irritated. “Hang on a second–” He proceeds to run out of the room, and shouts, “Hey! Turn the music down in case it’s my parents.”

Nancy chuckles, cheeks flush because she was ready to lose her– wait. Did something just touch her leg? She looks down to find that a box was tipped over and had opened, and wonders when that happened. Did she accidently kick it without realizing? Or was it already like that? Frankly, curiosity got the best of her as she crouched down to try to fix it. But then, her actions slowed when she saw something.

The Wheeler picks up a paper – a flier – to her surprise was the missing poster of Stephanie Henderson.

“What?” She says, quietly, confusedly. Why was he keeping this? And that’s when she puts two and two together. She starts shifting through the small pile which was made up of photos, movie tickets, receipts from a record store, arcade tokens and– “Oh, my god.”

Suddenly, Steve comes jogging back in, relief on his face. “False alarm. It was just–”

“So who is she to you?” Nancy asked, standing up and flashing the memorabilia at him.

His face falls immediately. “Hey, that’s–”

“Is she the person that was rumored you pushed away?”

“It’s nothing.” Steve replies, trying to take the stuff away from her, but she ain’t budging.

“It’s nothing, or she’s nothing?”

“It’s– W-What? You jealous?” He asked, trying to play this thing off cool, but his girlfriend wasn’t stupid.

“I’m not jealous. I’m just curious.” Nancy replies, honestly. She takes another look at the photos in her hand before looking back at him. “I mean, if she isn’t your friend anymore, then why do you hang on to all this stuff? Or better question–”

“Nancy, stop, it’s just–”

“Why did you break it off?”

His brain short circuits again. “What?”

“I said, ‘Why did you break it off?’ I mean…” She flips through some of the photos he has, memorized. “From what I see, you two remind me of Barb and I. You two look like you were tied at the hip. So why break it off?”

“I…” Why couldn’t he fucking talk all of a sudden? “I didn’t, I–”

“So, she broke it off?” She said, eyebrow raised.

“No. I-I broke it off, she didn’t do anything–”

“So… why did you?”

“Nancy–”

“Look, I just want to understand you. I mean, every time I think I have you figured out you throw me through a loop.” She gives him a reassuring look as she picks up the box, shuffling whatever was remaining around. “I mean, from what I see, you seem like a completely different person then. I just wonder if it’s a good thing or a bad–”

Now it was her turn to look lost (and for Steve to lose all the color in his face). She frowns, slowly pulling out a small casing. “Is this a… bullet?”

“That’s nothing!” He manages to snag at least that away.

“Why do you have a bullet in the box?!” She asks, eyes blown wide.

He swallows. “Nancy–”

“Did you shoot her or something?��

“What?!” He scoffs. “No! Why would I shoot her?!”

“Well did she shoot you?”

“No! Nobody shot anybody, it was just–”

“Then why do you have a stray bullet cas–”

“‘CAUSE IT WAS MY FAULT!! OKAY?!” Steve snaps, startling them both (He can’t believe he just lost his cool like that). He swallows again, head spinning at the memories (Why did he fucking leave the box right there?). “I just… there was an incident and… it… shaped my decision, okay? But it didn’t involve me or her with a gun, it was… s-someone else. Someone I know. I don’t know why I’m holding onto it, I…” He sighs and grabs the box, holding it out for her to put the stuff away.

It takes her a moment to process it all, and she does put all the stuff in her hands away, but she remains silent the whole time. She’s never seen him act this way before.

It honestly concerned her.

Nancy breaks eye contact, and only reverses it when she gathers the right words. “Look, Steve, I’m sorry I intruded, I probably shouldn’t have but… I’m just trying to understand you.”

Steve shakes his head, still confused. “I-I…” He shrugs, and crosses his arms defensibly. “What’s there to understand?”

Nancy gestures to him and says, “Well, for starters, you’re an airhead and–”

“So?” He cuts in, as she holds her tongue and continues.

“And you’re arrogant, snarky, and sweet–”

“Sweet’s fine.”

“Of course. Sweet’s fine. I love how nice you are to me, Steve.” She then frowns for him. “However, that gets overshadowed by your… insecurities.”

He pauses, now it was his turn to take in those words (What the hell did she mean by that? He’s not… no). “I don’t… I don’t have any… any–”

“Steve.” Nancy takes a step closer. “I don’t know why the kid in these pictures decided to change into the one I’m seeing before me, but if that doesn’t have to do with any insecurities, then I’m not sure why you decided to make that change willingly.”

“I… W-Willingly?” He scoffs again. “What do you mean? I never change willingly? What are you even getting at, Nance?” He hasn’t changed. He’s never changed. What is she even getting at?

But Nancy looked at him with eyes full of pity and took another step closer. “I don’t know what the reason was for you two to stop being friends, but all I know, from what I gathered, she wasn’t the one to end it.” She places Steph’s flier on his chest that he subconsciously grabbed, and said one last thing before leaving his room. And that was,

“Maybe there was a good reason for you to end it, but that’s not an excuse for you to stop being who you really are.”

And Steve’s left with an epiphany he’s not sure he can decipher.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

|| NOW ||

As soon as the lock was broken, she retrieved the gun from the safe and frantically told her companion to get down the stairs. Will and Steph’s hearts were in their ears, and it sped up when the light above the front door flickered.

“Shit–” She pulls the boy to a halt, and redirects them to the back door. “Go, go, go, go, go.”

She throws open the sliding door, and out into the backyard, but as soon as they step foot onto the ground, the lights around the empty pool start to flicker. The two of them stopped immediately and held their breaths. They weren’t sure where the beast was at, but it was definitely nearby ready to snatch them up.

They were afraid to even breathe or twitch. What if this thing really does appear out of thin air?

They both jolted when a loud growl came from somewhere inside the pool. Wasting no time, Steph taps Will on the arm and makes a shushing gesture, then waves him to follow her. The boy understood completely, and the two of them move slowly, so carefully that there’s not way–

The both of them screamed when two human hands grabbed onto the top of the pool ladder.

A girl’s head poked up, face battered and covered in grime, her glasses shattered and splattered with blood. The girl looked so fam–

“Nancy!!” She shouts, as something growls behind her, scaring all of them to their core. And when her eyes landed on the two of them, she desperately yelled for help just seconds before the beast’s claws wrapped around her head and pulled her back.

Will and Steph matched the girl’s scream, and the beast roared in delight that his prey was just right in front of it. Its claws could be seen grabbing the ladder, like it was trying to crawl out and feast.

That’s when the two of them booked it.

The guns rattled in their hands.

The tears in their eyes.

Whatever this place was, they knew…

This couldn’t get compared to hell itself.

(TBC)

-Taglist is Open-

@ladygrey03 @poppet05 @tooearlyforthis @lovesfics @lordzzz

@mirkwoodshewolf @sadbitchfangirl @olivewisp

@emsownuniverse @unspecifiedvisitor @smaryamsstuff @kitty49646

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alexiethymia · 3 years ago

Text

A Case Study on Vanitas’ Character: On Vanitas’ Two Conditions

Since they’re animating the What is Love? episode next (episode 7), I couldn’t help but want to talk about that chapter. [spoilers for anime-only watchers!]

Vanitas has two conditions for Jeanne:

1) She mustn’t drink blood from anyone else but him.

I admit that like Jeanne, it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of thinking Vanitas is a better guy than he is because of certain biases. Let’s admit it, this part was plain blackmail, and yet for some reason, with what we know of Vanitas now, there are also different ways of seeing this scene.

Vanitas is ‘blackmailing’ Jeanne, but at the same time that blackmail is actually him also offering a solution to Jeanne’s problem. AND YET, HE DOES IT IN SUCH A WAY SO THAT JEANNE NEVER HAS TO FEEL LIKE SHE OWES HIM. More to the point, he does it in such a way to ensure that Jeanne continues hating him. In other words he, in his own twisted way, is doing a nice thing for Jeanne, while ensuring that she never likes him for it. Now I’m not saying it’s a purely altruistic thing, but I still think that Vanitas is drawn to Jeanne because she reminds him of himself back then. If so he knows precisely how to get her to receive help albeit through manipulative means.

It’s not a purely altruistic thing. He states it so himself, what he gets out of it is the ‘divine feeling’ Jeanne sucking his blood gives to him again purposefully painting himself as a pervert so that Jeanne wouldn’t like him for helping her. But if we are to believe some theories that it’s not actually as enjoyable as he himself paints it out to be (I digress, but I think he’s being honest here. He strikes me as having a bit of a masochistic streak in him) (I digress from my digression, but theory time, what’s his bases of comparison?? Who besides Luna and Jeanne have drunk from him??), then there’s another dimension to his condition of ‘you must drink blood, only from me’. If he’s just in this for the feeling it gives him, then why word the condition that way? He’s never stricken me as possessive of Jeanne despite his words of ‘I want to possess all of you’, and as he’s stated, he doesn’t want Jeanne to love him back. I think this is just another case of his ‘use me’ mindset rearing its head again. He’s said it to Count Orlock, and we know that it started since his time with Dr. Moreau. It is definitely, definitely, unhealthy, and I believe it’s also coupled with his slight suicidal tendencies. If worst comes to worst and Jeanne ends up going out of control and killing him, he seems not to care.

Going off tangent here, but another one of his contradictions is how ruthless he is at surviving and yet how careless he is with his life, especially when it comes to people caring for him. He’d rather be left in the snow than have Jeanne take care of him as repayment for him protecting her, or when he got angry at Noe for protecting him from Ruthven.

But at his core and as Luna stated, Vanitas is a kind child. It’s developed in an unhealthy way, but he’s quite self-sacrificial. It’s fine for Jeanne to use him so that Jeanne has a focus or outlet. At least when the craving for blood gets to be too much, Jeanne knows there’s someone she can drink from, which helps her so that she doesn’t lose control and lash out against Luca for example. And on Vanitas’ side, it seems like it’s fine for him to be put at risk so other people don’t have to be, and on Jeanne’s part too, it also helps her from further hating herself if she ends up hurting other people.

In other words, his condition is both a selfish and selfless one, yet he paints it to be blackmail. It’s not an entirely good thing for him to do, because there’s definitely power play involved, but it’s also not as scummy as it is initially presented out to be with what we now know of his past.

2) For Jeanne to call him by ‘name’.

There are so many things going on here that I just can’t help but ramble about it. Firstly, I’m really interested in how this’ll be translated in the anime. Did Vanitas say call me by ‘Vanitas’, or call me by ‘my name’? Because if it’s the latter, then couldn’t Vanitas also mean (although not fully consciously) that he wants someone to call him by his true name like Luna did before he inherited the name ‘Vanitas’? (And I will just die if in a future chapter, Jeanne and Noe do end up getting to call him by his original name).

Second, there are slight parallels and contrasts with this arrangement he has with Jeanne and with the one he had back then with Moreau. Obviously Moreau is trash and took full advantage of ‘No. 69′. He exercised all the power. In this case, Jeanne is hesitant about hurting Vanitas despite how aggravating he is towards her. She doesn’t want to drink his blood at all. Moreau was a human. Jeanne is a vampire, and despite physically being superior towards Vanitas she changes her demand into a plea or request for Vanitas to keep her secret. (And whelp that’s when she sealed her fate, because she apparently triggered Vanitas. Don’t worry though Jeanne, you’ll get your payback soon enough). Vanitas was completely without power before, so faced with a similar situation this time around, I think part of him let the power get to his head, causing him to partly take advantage of Jeanne (he’s a complete sadist AND a masochist). He has complete agency this time around. Sure he’s once again offering himself with the expectation of pain and at the risk of his life, and he’s also doing this for another person, like with Misha, but unlike with Dr. Moreau, the power is on his side this time around.

Going off tangent, that’s one thing that Vanitas and Jeanne have to work on. Balancing power and agency. I get where Vanitas is coming from, surrounded by vampires as he is, and with his past too, but he has to realize that caring about and loving someone isn’t a matter of power. You don’t lose when you love and care. You don’t surrender power. You don’t have to take away someone’s agency or exercise your own power for you to manage to do good things for the people you care about. He has to manage that balance - likewise with Jeanne, Noe, and Domi as well.

Going back. Since he has full agency in this case, it’s his decision to offer himself to Jeanne in this way, he doesn’t want to be dehumanized while doing so. He’s had enough trauma about that already. Despite how he words it, it’s actually a somewhat equivalent exchange between Vanitas and Jeanne. He offers her blood as a way for her to keep her sanity, but she can’t be removed from it, she has to look at him properly and consider him a person with full agency and choices, and not just as ‘that human’.

And looking at their faces - Jeanne’s is an incredulous one as if to say, ‘that’s it?’ It’s both an easy and difficult thing for her to do. Meanwhile, for Vanitas, I’d expected him to look goading, but he just looks patient and soft. At least in this instance, I don’t see it as him forcing Jeanne to do something she doesn’t want to do - just an unexpected moment of wanting to be known and treated as himself.

LISTEN HE IS FULL OF CONTRADICTIONS OK. We’re led to believe that all of his interactions with Jeanne until the moment he realized he fell in love with her was just him teasing her, but I believe he was already in the process of falling in love with her slowly. I’ll go so far as to say that he was the one who fell in love first, but he just interpreted it as his being ‘excited’ by her. In other words, the words he said (’I love you’) which we thought was a lie was actually the truth, albeit a truth he didn’t realize much later.

Why do I think so? It’s because he revealed certain moments of vulnerability or sincerity with her or about her without any of the teasing, as represented by the italicized dialogue. It’s the same case for when he said he didn’t want to trod on her foot with Noe, or when he happily grinned and he said forthright Jeanne was the side of her he liked best (or when he promised he’d kill her).

This is just an example of his contradiction. He never wanted or expected Jeanne to fall in love with him, and sure this could just be his wanting to push boundaries or test limits, being the chaotic person that he is, and yet, wanting to be called by name is a desire to form a genuine connection.

He could have just remained as ‘that human’ to Jeanne while interacting with her. After all, what could stop him? He also had the first condition in place to make sure they’d continue to interact. And yet, he refused (like how Noe refuses to be ‘that vampire’ to him).

Like Luna said, as long as he didn’t close his heart, he wouldn’t be alone. Even if Vanitas thinks it burdensome or wants to be ‘free’, it seems that he still does long for connection - romantic, platonic, or otherwise.

And this is why I ship them, even in this instance so early on in the manga when arguably the dynamic wasn’t at its healthiest. It’s because of their background that draws them to each other and allows them an understanding of one another. It’s because of that desire to know more about each other. It’s because of that genuine care and wanting to form a connection with each other, despite part of them rejecting it because of their issues.

Do I think they’re good for each other? Yes. Admittedly, they have so much to work on, but I believe that they push (Vanitas with regards to Jeanne’s blood addiction, and Jeanne with Vanitas in his moment of vulnerability) because the both of them tend to be self-destructive if left to their own devices. It’s just that their version of care for each other is aggressive. They’ll have to find that balance though eventually. On Vanitas’ part he also has to be inspired by Noe that the kind of salvation a person wants may not be the best possible outcome, especially for those left behind. I’m not sure what Mochizuki sensei’s end message is suppose to be, but death I don’t believe is salvation.

tldr: Vanitas is a self-sacrificial idiot who longs for connections under layers of self-loathing (but he’s still an asshole), and VaniJeanne is a good ship which had the foundations laid down from the beginning.

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springday-aus · 4 years ago

Text

Enemies to Lovers!AU with Xiaojun

—

Group: NCT [+ WayV]

Member: Xiaojun / Xiao Dejun

Genre: fluff, comedy, romance

Type: Bulletpoint AU

Word Count: approx. 2.4k

so, you’re Xiaojun’s enemy (he thinks of it more of his number one attacker tho)

it wasn’t hard considering he’s always on fight or flight mode and considering his friend group….

fight mode is always activated

(ง’̀-‘́)ง

so it started when you became friends with Ten

the guy is so sociable, so you were bound to meet him and his other friends someday

but jesus christ, there were soooo many of them

it was a party; he threw a literal party of just him and his friends

and then there were others who turned it into a rave (i.e. Hendery, Yangyang, Chenle and Donghyuk)

anyways, you got to mingle and make so many new friends

it was going really well

until Xiaojun entered the picture

things went well with him too, until you made a joke that didn’t exactly land with him

but it landed well with the others

Lucas: “who in their right mind would like mint chocolate”

Xiaojun: “but I like mint chocolate”

You: “then you’re not in your right mind lmao”

YangYang: “I mean, is Xiaojun ever in his right mind tho”

everyone laughs

except for one person

Xiaojun stood up, staring you down for a hot second, before trying to argue back

in which YangYang was the main responder

you didn’t really think much of it, laughing away with the others

but, to him, you just declared war that day

it shouldn’t have bothered him as much as it did

but it did

so, from then on, things just got rockier

bc he started picking fights with you over the littlest things or he would argue with your points no matter what

you didn’t really think much of it bc he was also being picked on everyone else and you were like

every man for themselves huh

it wasn’t until he personally attacked you

it happened on Halloween

and he made an underhanded comment about how he’d look better in anything compared to you

so you made a “friendly” bet

but then you lost

bc Xiaojun looked better in the Jasmine costume than you and he def knew it too

and when he smirked at you

the grudge had been built

that’s probably when the mutual enemy status circulated around your friends

although, if they’re being honest, it’s so entertaining

especially since most of them like to gang up on Xiaojun too

and because of that unity, it’s only made things worse

from what the others can tell

you two don’t hate each other, but you def don’t get along

it ranges to food (e.g. mint chocolate chip incident that NO ONE lets go)

Lucas: “mint choco ain’t shit”

You: “retweet”

Xiaojun: “the attacks”

YangYang: “we cannot trust a man who eats bread with fucking lao gan ma”

You: “you eat what with bread?”

Xiaojun: “shut up. all of you.”

to activities

cue you two fighting about what movie to watch

Xiaojun: “Titanic is a classic!!!”

You: “it’s a joke, there was rOOM ON THE FUCKING DOOR”

Xiaojun: “IT’S ROMANTIC. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO SHE CAN LIVE.”

You: “THAT’S NOT ROMANTIC. THAT’S SUICIDAL, DUMBASS.”

this feud is def bc you’re both petty as fuck

the bickering is nonstop

but, if the nct boys are being honest

they’re lowkey confused bc Xiaojun is supposed to have a really high emotional tolerance

he doesn’t even yell this much at YangYang or Ten

(excluding that one time he hit YangYang with that pillow very hard)

but he does blow off his top when it comes to you

which is sus to a lot of the boys

whenever someone does ask him tho

he just kind of……………

mumbles underneath his breath and then moves onto something else

meanwhile, Yuta: “isn’t he always like that?”

Kun: “who wants to tell him”

lmao, I’m kidding

kind of

anyways, you two are really just going at it

what changes?

you have to go to the dentist and get your molars removed

which means someone has to take you and go pick you up

obviously, Ten was going to do that, considering you two were the closest

so he dropped you off and you had your surgery

so what happened?

welp, your buddy Ten forgot he had a prior engagement and, hence, was unable to pick you up

cue him spamming the groupchat

and Lucas exposing Xiaojun

Lucas: Xiaojun isn’t doing anything Xiaojun: you don’t know that Lucas: I do tho, go pick up (Y/N) Ten: I’ll buy you anything from that green tea cafe you like for a week Xiaojun: deal.

so he came to pick you up, both willingly and unwillingly

and you……. you were more than a hot mess

you were just a mess

you basically were just blacked out that entire time after they gave you the laughing gas and completed the surgery

so you remembered absolutely nothing.

your roommate: “this is what you get for doing drugs”

You: “IT WAS PURELY FOR MEDICINAL USE”

You: “IT’S NOT LIKE I DID CRACK”

either way, your roommate let you know of the situation, taking note of how your enemy had to take you home

which

again

no recollection

your roommate: “he’s fucking hot tho”

You: “ugh, I know”

but that’s also when you decided

Ten is a dead man :)

Ten: “I’M SORRY”

You: “YOU BETTER FUCKING BE”

Ten: “I KNOW”

Ten: “............................................but………………………………….”

Ten: “maybeyoushouldalsothankhimfortakingcareofyou”

You: “sorry not sorry, I’m contemplating murder rn”

Hendery: “what do you call a murder against a friend?”

Kun: “don’t”

Ten:

You:

Hendery: “it’s a homie-cide”

You and Ten: “NOT NOW”

anyways

you knew he was right

so after you calmed down, you went to Xiaojun’s place (thanks to Ten), with some sweets to thank him

Lucas opened the door, let you in, and left to go to the gym with Sicheng

Xiaojun came out of his room, a couple of minutes after, disheveled from his nap

and when he saw you in his living room couch, his eyes widened, darting around to avoid looking at you

You: “hi”

Xiaojun: “hello”

You: “why do you look so scared? I’m not gonna jump you”

he stays quiet, the blush becoming more apparent on his cheeks

You: “Ten told me you took me home after my surgery, so…………………… thanks”

Xiaojun: “he bribed me with pastries”

You: yeah, sounds about right

You: “still”

You: “um, I didn’t know what you would like, so I brought some sweets you can just go through”

Xiaojun: “thanks”

it’s silent for another moment and you consider bolting out from the apartment, Wizards of Waverly Place, Harper-style: “see ya in p.e.!” kind of a thing

but he speaks up once more

Xiaojun: “are you feeling okay now?”

You: “uh, yeah, my jaw still kind of hurts”

You: “but I have meds they prescribed to me for the next month or so”

he decides to stop beating the bush:

Xiaojun: “so do you remember what happened yesterday?”

You: “to be completely honest, no”

Xiaojun: “you… did a lot of things”

You: “what do you mean I did a lot of things”

Xiaojun: “you also said a lot of things too”

You: “..... are these things recorded?”

Xiaojun: “maybe”

Xiaojun: “some”

You: “dELETET HEM”

you actually considered tackling him, but deemed as too Yang-Yang-like

You: “what did I say”

Xiaojun: “I didn’t realize you thought I was handsome”

You: “wait what?”

Xiaojun: “you said, you had a crush on my ‘fine ass’”

You: “you know what? I think I’m gonna pull a Jack and commit suicide, goodbye”

Xiaojun: “ah, ah, ah, you said like, which is… present tense”

You: “semantics”

Xiaojun: “but did you like me at some point?”

You: “does it matter?”

Xiaojun: “yeah, it kind of does”

Xiaojun: “bc even tho we bicker, it’s, like, our thing”

Xiaojun: “plus, you’re kind of cute when you’re threatening to rip off my eyebrows”

You: “I did what?”

Xiaojun: “it’s no different from how you treat me now”

You: “I thought it’s because you don’t like me”

he just kind of shrugs, rubbing his neck rather sheepishly

Xiaojun: “you’ve seen my friends; arguing is our way of showing our affections”

You: “so, you’re saying this is your way of telling me you like me?”

Xiaojun: “I mean………“

Xiaojun: “are you saying you like me?”

You: “are you saying you like me?”

*cue another argument about who likes who*

eventually, he found a way to shut you up

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

cut to Lucas and Sicheng coming back from the gym to you and Xiaojun making out on the couch

Lucas: “NASTY”

Sicheng: “what did we…. miss?”

Ten somewhere: I fucking called it.

anyways

you both decided to date that day

and you two still bicker an insane amount, which includes you nitpicking Xiaojun’s tastes to Xiaojun refusing to delete those videos of you under the laughing gas despite your threats

but, the only difference is, your arguments can end with a kiss

and it always freaks out the guys whenever you do

Donghyuk: “I’m too young to be seeing this monstrosity”

Mark: “ngl, this is nice for them—they’ve stopped arguing”

YangYang: “I weirdly prefer them arguing over them with those sappy eyes tho”

You: “we can hear you”

Chenle: “but when have we ever cared?”

You: “I’m gonna beat your ‘01 liner ass istg—”

Xiaojun: “calm”

oh, you know what’s fun about your relationship?

you two can’t agree on some stuff right?

so whenever you have to decide something, say a movie or dinner, you two just heads-or-tails it

(there’s also this cute app where you put your options on a wheel and let that decide—the amount of times you’ve used that on your dates…… anyways)

most of the time, on these dates, you seem more like an old married couple and it’s super cute

it’s bc you’re already used to your worse sides coming out—the really petty ones, the screaming ones, the ugly ones

ofc these aren’t from serious arguments that occur

(remember folks, it isn’t healthy for you and your partner to always be fighting)

but when serious arguments do occur, you both take time to sit down and talk face-to-face

it’s hard to get into actual arguments with him, especially since he really is understanding and tries to pay attention to the smaller details

Xiaojun: “I like learning more about you”

You: “you can’t just say that kind of shit to me”

like, yeah, he’ll debate with you all night about why he needs to read the words of his book out loud but, by the end of the day, you’ll lay your head in his lap and listen to his voice as you fall asleep

speaking of which, you love listening to him sing to you

he gets a bit embarrassed sometimes about it, but seeing you smile so brightly at him makes him forget about it

because even tho you two bicker about little things, in the end, it just makes you two laugh at one another and how ridiculous you’re being

I almost forgot, so Ten thinks of him pairing you two off right?

so, whenever he does something annoying to either of you, he’ll constantly bring it up

Ten: “I guess this is how you two treat me, your personal cupid—”

Xiaojun: “yes, yes, we are grateful for you”

You: “but it would be nice if you would stop making those annoying sounds”

Ten: “what annoying sounds?”

YangYang: “that’s just you talking”

okay, no, but yeah—the nct boys are glad this rivalry is over because it was really just…. stupid to the core

but also bc you two look super sweet together and seeing you two making each other happy rather than annoyed is adorable

but just bc you two got together doesn’t mean the pettiness isn’t still there

You: “what type of freak sleeps with their eyes opened?”

Xiaojun: “I’m sleeping next to you, of course I need to keep both eyes open”

You: “RUDE”

Xiaojun: “and yet here we are”

You: “son of a bitch”

Xiaojun: “YOUR son of a bitch”

You: “eh, I’ll take it”

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siriuslyshewrote · 5 years ago

Text

5AM - Finn Shelby x Reader

Requested by @violetsdicaprio “Okay so, can I request a Finn Shelby fic where he uses the prompt “you’re safe, you’re safe, you’re safe.” Maybe Season 4 when Changretta is there and he has ordered an attack on the reader maybe because she found out something, like she overheard something in a bar?” Hope you enjoy it love xx

We run into a dark room, And we spasm to the sounds

You shouldn’t even have been at that bar in the first place, You should have been at a Shelby family meeting (something which you had been introduced to a few months ago, when Finn and yourself had gotten engaged,), but for the first time, you blew it off. That was what bugged you afterwards, and if you could communicate with your past self, you would scream not to agree to a night out with your sister and her husband. But you did. You were excited, not having seen your sister since she found out she was pregnant several weeks ago, due to clashed schedules, and a hell of a lot of work commitments - because working at the Shelby Company wasn’t your typical nine to five job - you had yet to congratulate her in person. Finn was supposed to be accompanying you, but he had said he couldn’t at the last minute, saying Polly had insisted he was at the meeting (and wasn’t best pleased that you weren’t going to be there, either).

And so, that was how you had found yourself in your current situation, irritated at Finn after yet another argument, tired from work, with the swollen ankles that came from the precariously high heels you insisted on wearing. You were nursing your second glass of a rather strong whiskey, standing and waiting for your sister, who was never on time, as scatterbrained as she was. You half had zoned out looking around at the people in the bar, laughing and dancing to jazz music. You looked at a young couple, smiling at each other, positively lost in each other’s eyes, and wondered just when Finn and you had lost that childhood sweetheart innocence.

You were half in another world, until you heard the utterance of ‘Shelby’ behind you, in a thick accent that sounded rather suspiciously Italian.

Of a copy of Morrissey , Or the blues of the Deep South

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

You barely even moved whilst you tried to listen to what the men were saying. They probably didn’t expect for anyone associated with the Shelby’s to be here, in this bar several miles away from Watery Lane, a place that was nowhere near where the Peaky boys patrolled, with their guns that gleamed in the light of the streetlamps, that inspired fear in others, but a feeling of safety in you. They were speaking English, surely a way for them to fit in more with the scenery around you, to not arise any suspicion, but you’d know that accent anywhere. It had been drilled into you, practically, and as one of the men said Luca in a low tone, you knew it was the Changretta’s sat behind you. You should have ran then, sprinted away, never looked back. But you stayed, swirling your drink in your glass, watching the intoxicating amber liquid go round and round and round.

And the drugs will only hide it

“You are being stupid, Luca.” A man’s voice spoke harshly.

That fucking name Luca. The name of the man who had so ruthlessly and callously ordered his men to kill your future brother-in-law only weeks ago. He had had no thought about Esme, a woman who you loved like a sister, or John’s seven children, or his youngest brother who was slowly being forced to take John himself’s role, a role that distorted Finn so quickly it was like you had woke up one morning next to a completely different man. No, Luca Changretta hadn’t thought of any of this, and you would be happy to see him put to a stop.

The feeling never really goes “Attacking them in their own home? It is suicide, my boy.” The words he spoke were so filled with meaning that you half froze in your chair. You were sure that their was only one family that they could be talking about.

“I guess we will see tonight, if you are correct. But it was not so difficult to kill the last one, now was it?” A gloating voice, one that must have been Luca spoke, and it was all you could do to not turn around in your seat and punch him for his words.

Your hand shook slightly, as you placed the glass down on the counter again, picking up your bag from where it had been, and slipping from your seat, a poor attempt to look casual, pushing through the doors into the cold early January air, your breath fogging in front of you, as your heart beat so violently and loudly that you heard it in your ears.

You had to warn them. At any moment Luca’s men could be at their door. You squeezed your eyes closed for a moment, trying not to picture it, not to think of Finn, because if you thought of Finn you would panic, and you couldn’t, not right now. You pulled off your high heels, feet hitting the frosted cobblestones, as you made to begin to run. You barely made it a few meters, before you heard the click behind you, the calm, cool voice.

And we won’t find love, at the bottom of a glassy hole.

“Y/N Shelby! A pleasure to finally meet you.”

You turned, raising your hands slightly, to see Luca, standing alone, smoking a cigarette, his eyes calculating and humourous, locked with your own. He looked so casual, that to anyone else, it would look as if you two were just having a conversation, albeit one at gunpoint, the gun you could see now, aimed directly at your abdomen. If he shot it, it would guarantee a rather slow, horrifically painful, death for you.

“Y/N L/N, actually.” You snapped, your mind whirring, telling you to keep him talking, until you could figure out some fucking way to get out of this. You could feel the cool metal of your own gun, strapped to your thigh, but there was no way you could grab it without him realising.

And you don't know what you've got until it's gone

“Ah yes, you haven’t quite sealed the deal yet, have you?” He exhaled the smoke from his cigarette, as he walked closer to you, until he was only half a metre away, and you could smell the smoke. “When is the wedding?”

“We’re not going to have one of you keep killing off my guest list.” You spoke sardonically, trying not to seem as deathly afraid as you were. To Tommy, or Arthur, or even Finn, this wouldn’t be a big deal, you thought. They’d have plans for this sort of thing, but this was your first time being held at gun point. You wondered if it was the sort of thing you got a cake for at Shelby Limited, like normal companies did for an achievement.

He laughed, though his eyes didn’t express any emotion.

“You’re a funny girl, Miss L/N. It’s a shame, really, that I have to do this.” He gestured towards the gun. “But, needs must. You overheard my conversation, didn’t you?”

He stepped even closer, and you were almost sure you could hit him with the element of surprise, hit his gun from his hands. But your shaking hands betrayed that thought. What if it didn’t work? What then?

And you don't know who to love until you're lost

“You really do have to be fucking stupid if you don’t think that Tommy won’t have preempted any of the shit you plan to pull.” You spat, lowering your hands a tiny fraction. He didn’t notice.

“He seems rather distracted lately, doesn’t he? And anyone in Birmingham can tell you about the... ah, what should we call them? Cracks that are beginning to show in the Shelby family.”

“Perhaps he is distracted because your family murdered his fucking wife, Changretta.” Your hands were now barely raised, but he was distracted, each of your staring into the others eyes - fear and anger versus power and arrogance.

“As he killed my father.”

“This is nothing to do with me. Just let me go, okay?”

“You have already ruined my plans. Someone will have already found your boyfriend, I assume, and he and the rest of the Shelby’s will be on their way here.”

“So go. You know you can’t win against them. Not tonight.” Your heart was thrumming in your ears so loudly everything felt almost quiet in comparison.

And you don't know how to feel until the moment's passed

“But I can take something from them. Your time is up, Miss Shelby.”

“Y/N?” You heard a yell, an almost terrified one, but it was at least a street away. Finn would never get here in time.

Changretta turned his head towards the noise, and you took that moment, grabbing the gun in his hands, trying to wrestle it out of them, desperately. There was a bang and then there was silence, and the gun slipped from between your fingers, clattered to the floor. Your eyes regarded Changretta with shock, as your knees began to buckle, and you landed onto the cold hard cobbles, hands trying to find what was wrong.

“I’m sorry I had to do this.” For a second, you almost thought he sounded genuinely sad. “But your family took something from me. Now, I must take everything from them.”

“Y/N!” The voice was louder now, and you turned, to see a group of men at the top of the street - Finn amongst them. They came too late.

I wish you'd live like you're made of glass

You turned back to Changretta , but he had already gone, disappeared into the shadows.

It only felt like seconds before Finn was in front of you, and you had raised a shaky hand to point the direction where Luca Changretta had gone, directing the rest of the Blinders with him. Soon, the way it had always been, it was just the two of you. Finn and Y/N.

His eyes scanned you for injuries, before they landed on your abdomen, the dim streetlights enough to see the scarlet liquid on your dress, spreading across the cobblestones. It was too much, for such a small person, you thought. You weren’t shocked, as you saw it, you knew as soon as the gun went off you were hit, and now you could feel the metal bullet, lodged somewhere inside you, feel the pain that extended to your fingers and toes.

“No.” He said quietly, his eyes locking with yours. “No.”

“Finn-“ Your hands reaches out to cup his face, the blood on them leaving marks on his cheeks, but you didn’t care. You wanted to feel his warmth. You were so cold. So fucking cold.

“I need an ambulance.” He roared, looking towards the pub where you had been only ten minutes before, where several people were looking out at the scene. “Right fucking now!”

They weren’t ones to ignore a Shelby, and so they dissapearwd from the window. You knew it would do no good. You knew you-

And we've got work in the morning, But it's nearly 5 a.m.

“I’m going to die Finn.” Your eyes were filled with tears, as were his, as he tried to press your wound, ripping off his jacket, holding it against your abdomen.

“No you’re not. You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay.” He repeated like a mantra, his voice shaky and cracking at every word.

Finn knew death. He had seen what felt like a hundred people die, had been the cause of several, and he knew from the look in your eyes, the paleness of your skin, that this was the end. Somewhere, deep down, he knew you were going to die, right there, on this rainy street, cold, and scared. He knew he could do nothing about it.

“It’s okay, Finny.” You said gently, hands still caressing his face. “You’re here. That’s all I need.”

“Don’t die on me now, yeah? Please.” That word, filled with so much emotion, as he almost begged you.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we argued ... tonight. I just ...” You trailed off, your mind not really working, not letting you find the words. God, it hurt so fucking much. In the distance, you thought you heard the ambulance.

“It’s fine. It’s fine.”

You nodded, leaning up against the wall behind you, feeling the cold start to set into your bones. The world felt almost fuzzy. You looked up, into the night sky. The pollution in Birmingham never allowed for stars in the sky, but you wished you could see them, right now.

You felt your eyes become heavier, like someone was weighing them down with pennies.

Is this really what we envisioned?

“Love you.” You mumbled, looking back to Finn. He was crying freely now, and you wanted to wipe away the tears, but it felt like you had forgotten how to move.

“Come on, the ambulance is almost here. Just a few more minutes.”

You shook your head, a tiny movement. You smiled at the boy, the boy who had made the last five years of your life bearable, who was your first, and last, love. You thought about the house you were planning on buying together, and the crib that you one day were going to have, and the honey suckle in the garden.

And you closed your eyes.

We won't be 21 again

#finne shelby x reader #finn shelby headcanons #finn shelby imagines #finn shelby x reader #finn shelby imagine #finn shelby #finn shelby angst #peakysource #peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine

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rochey1010 · 5 years ago

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Hi guys, 👋 i just wanted to make a post about something that i feel is about to happen on the show, like i am completely convinced of this now.

I'm seeing major foreshadowing going on with Elu and what will be the outcome of the spoiler movie plot.

Ok, so something i've noticed with Eliott this season is that he's kinda in his own world. Yes i know they are showing his individualism and i'm happy to see that because i think he's a beautiful and complex character and deserves so much insight.

But certain things i've noticed in scenes and certain things i've heard Eliott say is starting to make me think we are heading for Eliott having his own rock bottom moment. I'm just gonna list some things that seem to connect for me.

• The hiding and lying really been highlighted with Eliott's arc. The almost casual way too. Like it's a habit and second nature. He's done it so much in my eyes to hide his true self that it's basically become a mask now. How he justifies these things to others and how oblivious he really is to how others see it too. How outside perspective is different from Eliott perspective e g. Lola calling him out with the urbex hiding, Lucas's anger when he was blindsided with Lola being in their home.

•For the first time ever with Lucas we see him at Daphne's party monitoring himself in regards to Eliott's mental illness. He's not monitoring Eliott and i have a theory on that. Lucas is so afraid of being a Lucille that he's passive with things that may be seen as controlling. So instead he tries to be cautious and make the situation about it being Lucas's choice and not a choice made for Eliott. I don't think it's an accident at all that Arthur walks up to Lucas and Eliott and wants to share a joint and Lucas who is cuddling Eliott and playing with his hair brushes Arthur off without saying what the audience is picking up on. For the first time ever we see Eliott chafe under this and we are aware that Eliott knows what Lucas is doing. Eliott tells him in an almost biting the tongue way to go and it's ok. And Lucas says these very telling words "Can i?" And Eliott says "yes Lucas" Lucas then happy kisses Eliott on the cheek and goes off with Arthur.

• The argument Lola wakes up to where we see that Eliott impulsive, forgot to let Lucas know what he was coming home to. Now i must say i don't blame Eliott for not doing this as the night was intense. And he'd just saved a girl from attempted rape and was prob up for hours with her and got very little sleep himself. But i also see Lucas's point too. Lucas is passionate. It's not out of character. It is part of who Lucas is. That is why he is a hedgehog. He is simply prickly and reactive. We have seen this throughout the show. He initially acts in a defensive way (hedgehog quills) and then he calms and deals. But again we see Lucas thrown off guard with Eliott and his impulsivity. So they are yelling and then Lucas says "she has problems" and Eliott tells him he has problems too, and Eliott acts offended that Lucas is being judgmental. And again it's a trait with Lucas too, and highlights again the group dynamics and the reaction to outsiders. Lucas accepts Eliott's illness but found it hard to accept his mothers. His love for Eliott changed his perceptive though as we see in S3. Lucas still shows that he has prejudices. He has made comments that are ignorant and unfair throughout the show e.g. mental illness, LGBTQ+, ableism with Arthur, Panphobia stereotypes etc. He just did it again with Lola. Like i said before, i play no favourites i see these characters as complex and when they're messy or flawed they are more interesting to me. So i have no issues when they F up. They're young, insecure, and it feels true to life. But yeah i notice with Lucas (again highlighting insulation in the group v isolation in outsiders) that Lucas has a moral view. If i care and love you i will accept you warts and all. If you are unknown and alien my quills are ready to go. And this is a direct contrast to Eliott who comes in and spreads his arms ready to hug the world. Even adopts furry animals. 😍

Then again something is said that shows how Lucas views his position with Eliott and his mental health. Eliott gives a hypothetical and says to lucas if he were in trouble Lucas would want him to be helped and safe, and Lucas says back. Yeah, but Lucas himself should be that person that should handle it. Now i don't blame Lucas. He loves Eliott so much and he wants him safe but i got subtle control out of that comment and an implication that Eliott can't handle himself. And we see the direct contrast the night before when Eliott, who the last time we saw in that hoodie with the hood raised, he was at his worst and crying in La Petite Ceinture needing rescue. But now he's the one that finds his power and rescues someone else. That he is capable, individual and has 2 feet.

•The mental illness talk with Lola and us learning more of Eliott's past. I loved this because we again see Eliott speak for himself. We get the much begged for past history of Eliott and his struggles. And he gets to impart wisdom and help someone else. That there is power in this friendship with Lola. For Eliott he not only sees the mistakes of his past he can rectify but he can be strong and guide someone out of the darkness he once found himself in. I find that incredibly beautiful and amazing character insight. But again it highlights how oblivious Eliott is to his actions on the one he loves most. His Lucas. Like i could write a huge ass post on Eliott alone and why he does the things he does, but i may get kicked off the tag if i do. 😄 but 2 words come to mind with Eliott and his love with Lucas.

FEAR: The fear of the past repeating and control happening AND the fear of being real and true because it's too much and you are a burden. And it all being rooted in his mental illness.

"i don't know how to control it and it is killing me"

Eliott tells Lola that his bipolar episodes can be quite violent. That there are funny ones (choc labrador thievery) and very sad ones (3 time attempt to take your life) like i knew his past was dark. (anyone that creates a refuge to release in and cry like you're still hiding, even from yourself and uses that as a coping mechanism?) Something horrible must have happened for you to resort to that.

And i've always maintained that Eliott is one of the darkest Even's, and France have not romanticised the portrayal of his mental illness in any way shape or form. He has snapped at lucas during his crash , had episodes where lucas can only watch him helplessly and love him regardless, his insta journal has been quite heartbreaking with his mental/emotional state, he sometimes won't take his meds, he'll hide his bipolar out of fear and run, he has his personal refuge, he's tried to take his life, he needs to get away and breathe, and he still has suicide thoughts even though he has Lucas. You have got to applaud the show with how they've handled Eliott and his illness. It's very real, and you may love someone immensely but depression doesn't care what they mean to you. They will be by your side but they can't fix you and love your mind to better health. You're still gonna have negative thoughts, you're still gonna slip and regress but having the one you love hold your hand makes it easier to navigate those scary moments. 👏

But through this something dawned on me. Eliott is sabotaging his relationship in his pursuit not to. And i gotta say i find that so sad. He's creating this love bubble, actually they both are, and nothing can penetrate the love bubble. That means fears and insecurities stay outside. He's lying and hiding to protect himself, protect Lucas from himself and keep Lucas from leaving him. Lucas is too but that essay is for another time. 😄 and he says to Lola that to love someone is to accept them even with their flaws. But he's lying to Lola too because he won't let Lucas see his flaws because it means Lucas leaves. 😭 we saw Eliott once open up to Lucas in S3 Lundi and the way Maxence played that scene was beautiful, because you see just how heavy being mentally ill is on Eliott. That he believes he'll just ruin everything around him

"things will change, i don't want them to but they will and it'll be because of me"

He can't keep eye contact with Lucas and his entire demeanour is one of wobbly defeat. You have never seen Eliott more vulnerable in this moment. His shame, embarassment, and self loathing is oozing out of his pores. He doesn't even want Lucas to have to deal with it, and his expectation is that the relationship ends here. And to add to that, he shows just how much he loves Lucas by saying how he can't bear to see him hurt or in any kind of pain. Lucas fights for them and Eliott has hope. But we realise that things don't just change overnight, days, months etc. Eliott still has demons inside him that tell him hurtful and toxic things that all people who suffer with mental illness go through. And when Lucas tells him he loves him there's still a voice in Eliott that says " for how long" and "you won't when you see who i am" i'm not exaggerating here. I deal with mental illness and it destroys your self worth. It is a daily fight and you kinda can see yourself as an alien in the world. It really has the power to twist your perception of the world in the ugliest way. FYI and TMI but when i had a severe anxiety episode that had crept up over years of denial and added to a huge life stressor. It lasted weeks before i accepted i needed help. I used to do what Eliott would do, and when it was too much i would up and leave, go to a nearby park and sit on the bench alone and sad. One time i looked up at the clouds and instead of seeing the beauty of nature, i saw mockery. I actually saw clouds laughing at me. 😄 no it wasn't delusions. It was simply a twisted perception of the world where there was self loathing, failure, and the feeling of powerlessness. I don't know why i included this, sorry for the discomfort. ☺️

But back to Eliott. Lola asks if things will be ok with him and Lucas. Eliott is like yeah and just throws out:

"He's worried about me, i have bipolar disorder, do you know what that is?"

Anyone else pick up on the emphasis Eliott does there in his relationship with Lucas. Brings it back to the mental illness and the oblivious nature of other things, like miss-communication and hiding things. Like Eliott's world in this relationship is "I have bipolar disorder" like that's a huge focus for Eliott.

Then they are comparing loves. Eliott telling Lola that "And i have Lucas, I can't lose this" we are actually hearing this from his mouth, and again, the reinforcement of the root of Eliott's insecurities. I can't lose Lucas. He has made my life better and makes the bad stuff not so overwhelming and scary AKA i'm afraid he will leave. So i will use my power to stop that from happening. She's sad and tells Eliott she had a Lucas (Maya) but lost her. Eliott tells her to find her Lucas and if she loves her she'll accept her. Which is obviously going to happen with Maya and Lola. She'll tell her the past which is connected to Lola's addict issues. And like Lucas, Maya's love for Lola will help her to overcome her pain and move forward, and Lola to find her light and not be so scared of her darkness.

• Every single time Eliott is asked by someone about him keeping things from Lucas. His answer is the obsessive "i want to protect him and i don't want to stress him or worry him" We saw it with Imane in S4 and we saw it with Lola recently. We add on the inner insecurities with "It'll be too much and he won't stay" and here's Eliott folks. 😔 We know he has an arc this season. Max said Eliott has a beautiful emotional journey, and that he helps the main with his past.

But one thing that every person who goes through emotional turmoil AKA Skam season main journey. It's called the moment that is the wake up call for the character. The moment that you are at your lowest and you must face yourself. Eliott can't be main as he's blocked but we are seeing that he has a lot of focus. So far he's in the show a lot and very active too.

We know that Elu's seasons long issues are being addressed finally. We know that Eliott himself will be addressed. What's one thing that has remained the same in Eliott and Lucas's love? The hiding things from Eliott and Lucas forgiving him AKA Lucas has never left. What's one thing that could be a very scary wakeup call for Eliott? Lucas leaving.

Now i don't think those scenes are throwaway at all, and i don't think the dialogue is either. They've slowly set this arc up since S5 for Eliott and the relationship with Lucas. Little stressors that just watching S5 you play off but now paired with S6 become very serious. I've mentioned some of them in other posts. We know the spoiler movie is coming. We know how lucas reacts to Eliott being honest and we can almost say how Eliott reacts = impulsivity and rebellion.

But the fallout? And i do think the story is going there guys. Which i'm fine with tbh, along with the conflict and the relationship. Saying it's just drama or out of the blue would be a humongous lie. This has been building for seasons and it is incredibly consistent with the relationship and the characters. Now i'd agree with fans if Eliott and Lucas were eternally blissful and then suddenly boom issues. But that hasn't happened at all. It's been tiny little stressors building up to the eventual crack, or my analogy = the bubble eventually pops.

So the movie happens, and for Lucas it's the straw that breaks the camel's back. His breaking point for him to end the relationship or leave Eliott. And it's Eliott's breaking point. We have his words, we didn't need them, let's be real, but we have them. He needs Lucas and everyone knows how much he loves him. Like that is not even debatable. Eliott is deeply in love with his hedgehog. But it's the wake up call to the relationship, and it's the wakeup call to Eliott. He can't continue this self sabotage and he has to face everything. But guys, Eliott really emphasised his need for Lucas. That ultimately tells me he's put his mental health on this need too. I think Eliott is going to be triggered and spiral. Like i'm sure of it now. And i think that is when S3 main Lucas will have his talk with S6 main Lola. I think she's gonna bring them back together. And i think that's what Flavie meant in her live "she helps him too"

I just wanna say i'm not gonna be in the tag saying Eliott or Lucas is a villain. I think it's sad when stress happens we pit the characters against each other. I wish the fanbase could be compassionate and empathetic. And you may not agree with what a character does but you accept that these characters are not black and white and they make mistakes, mess up and do stupid shit. It's the journey that we all go on and as other fans have said, growth is not linear.

Finally, god these posts are getting longer. I've lurked for so long and now my thoughts are just piling up. 😄 but yeah, i noticed some fans say that this Lucas and Eliott stuff should be over, they're together a year so should have dealt with their issues. Like i just have to say to that what?? Like relationship issues happen. You don't just fix them and bam happily ever after. The same issues can crop up throughout a relationship, because you are not just dealing with you as a unit but you are dealing with you as an individual too. You have the baggage the relationship causes and your carry on's that you yourself bring to the relationship. Your own personal issues and insecurities can continue to crop up causing problems.

Stressors can expose cracks, and that is what is happening. Denying and placing to the side issues like you'll deal with them later but you never do because you're afraid of the response thinking The relationship fails or you lose each other. Like think of anxiety. It's the ultimate result of not dealing with life issues. They build and build throughout life untill they become a disorder. These 2 haven't dealt with them untill now, and that's why they are coming to a head finally. And from a show perspective the format really limits them. Focusing on one main can't explore others and their issues, because the main has to be there. The only way you can do that is breaking format and Skam is quite strict with their narrative. What's happening with Eliott is a case of 'this is the best we can do' he's blocked but they want to give this beloved character the insight the fanbase has been begging for. They don't usually do this. Usually it's the main and his/her ensemble but this time it's the main + 2 part mains in Daphne and Eliott. The ensemble is background this season. And Eliott has an arc since S3 so of course they are going to bring these seasons built relationship issues to the surface and address them. They are wrapping up the old generation and handing over to new now. All these threads are being dealt with.

So what i said about stressors exposing cracks. Well here's a stressor? moving in together. Before Eliott lived alone, with his parents checking in frequently (prob his bipolar disorder) but he could breathe and be, and hide and be alone whenever he wanted. Now he's living with Lucas. And they love each other but there are teething problems. We saw them laid beautifully in S5, and being together only a year is really nothing. Most of that would be a honeymoon period, let's be honest here. And they have such an intense and emotional love. Like they are young (17/18 and 19/20) and have found the life partner they want. Just think about that, and the issues of that responsibility as well. In reality you don't find your life partner at that age. You really don't.

And people mess up. They make mistakes and they grow but it's not a full stop there. You make other mistakes and you mess up. And environmental triggers can happen that can make more mistakes happen, and can even make you regress. You fight in life. You don't sail through it. Does anybody? So yeah, oh sweet the lovebirds moved in together but moving in together has also highlighted issues not dealt with. Couples face tests. And importantly that "minute par minute" scene is now being seen in action. That means the bad times as well as the good. This relationship started in so much fear for both and i'm sorry that level of fear doesn't just poof away. We are seeing that.

Now i'm done. I really don't blame anyone if they don't read this. Even i'm ashamed at the length. But will i still post it? Yep 😄💜

#skam france #eliott demaury #skamfr #lucas lallemant #lola lecomte

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teacup-crow · 4 years ago

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spiral slowly, screaming

My mental health is always worse when I stop for a while, and I reckon Five is probably the same. CW for a whole lot of anger, self-loathing and some suicidal ideation.

Set between S3M60 and S4M1, spoilers for all of S3. Hurt-comfort. Five starts to process some things. There’s some gentle 5AM. Also, I finally named my main Five in this! Only took three years!

((Title from Before the Breakdown from We Are the Tigers, a very unrelated musical about cheerleading and murder))

It’s a few weeks after the ice cream tower when Five finally unravels at the seams.

They’ve been bright and shiny and happy ever since, wrapped up in Sam’s excitement about the idea of the baby, in the soft relief that blankets the township as loved ones, confused but no longer mind-controlled, begin to return to themselves. In the first breath of peace that comes after war, Five smiles. They smile until their jaw aches. They smile, not in the twisted grimace She put on their face, but in genuine joy. At least, they think it’s genuine.

But now, a mile out from Abel, their face suddenly drops, and they stop walking.

“Five?” Sam asks. He’s not over comms, but at their elbow, breathless. “All good?”

They’re not far from the forest of fallen runners. Not far from where they finally, last week, laid Three’s armband to rest. Between there and here, there’s a trickling river, only shin height in the dappled summer afternoon. When Five was a child, they went wading in streams like these. They’d spend all their free time outside, wandering the parks and the scraggy woods and the boarded up town centre aimlessly, building forts, crossing rivers on stepping stones, trespassing. All skills that have come in handy since. The memories are a little hazy, a tad unclear, like someone’s rifled through them and put them back in the wrong order. They untie their shoelaces. Why are they out here? It’s hard to recall even leaving Abel, what mission they’re on, when they started.

“What are you doing?”

He has a gun with him, and they both know it. Of course, it’s stupid to leave Abel without any sort of weapon, but Sam has never carried anything more than a butterfly knife and a hockey stick before, so the gun isn’t for zoms.

He has it in case Five snaps. In case they try anything. In case they hurt him again.

They step into the water.

Five has always worn many different faces with different people. With superiors they were serious, dependable, reliable; with their Runners, funny and fair and firm. Sometimes with Sam - times like this, ankle deep in a rippling brook - they don’t have to be anyone. And that sounds like bliss, but really, it forces them to figure out who they are when they’re not being anyone else.

“You’re going to get your shorts wet,” he says, a tad anxious. “Shouldn’t we be getting back?”

As it turns out, who they are when they’re not being anyone else isn’t someone they like. That’s why they use this number, isn’t it? So that they don’t forget. So they don’t slip back into being reckless, feckless, worthless Rory Jeavons. Rory Jeavons who could never hold down a job. Rory Jeavons who could never pass an exam. Five has purpose, meaning, friends. Five is a symbol; Rory was nothing.

Well, Five only had those things before She stripped them away, so the difference these days is harder to spot.

They sit. The water is cool, and laps their stomach. There’s birdsong in the forest. The world is a little bit fuzzy, although they’re not sure why until Sam says-

“-are you crying?”

He’s crouched on the riverbank, the toes of his pumps curling in the mud. He has size twelve feet, and comfy, fitting shoes are hard to come by, but Five found these for him in a burnt out Brantano and he’s tried to avoid wearing them down by cutting out his habit of scuffing his heels as he walks. If Five just focuses on those shoes, they won’t have to think. The shoes. The water. The stones underneath them. Birds in the distance. Shoes, stones, water, birds. Don’t think.

Shoes, stones, water, birds. The teenage boy on the Laetitia Greenwald, skimming pebbles on the sea, a fat gull arcing and swooping over his head. He wore hi-tops in still-luminous colours, clearly a prized possession. They see his face, a second before the explosion. They see a hi-top with a calf still attached, sinking below the ocean surface, sinking down for a long time.

“Five…” Sam’s voice is far away, and muffled, although they know on some level that he’s in the river too, now, that his hands are on their shoulders. Doesn’t he know they don’t like to be touched? They kick, and try to scream, but no sound comes out, and somehow they don’t have the energy to fight as his fingers dig in and he drags them, coughing and spluttering, onto the bank. The splashing finally makes those birds scatter back into the trees. The gull, circling away in smoke.

“What the hell was that?!” He demands as they cough and retch and wheeze the filth of the river back out again. He’s panting, white pumps covered in slime. “Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

When they don’t reply, he repeats the question gently. A-are you trying to kill yourself?

Five rubs their mouth with the back of their hand, and starts to laugh, the sound still a little watery, then hoarse and unpleasant and lacking all mirth. Isn’t every Runner trying to do that somewhere deep down?

“...Rory, you’re scaring me.”

That should snap them out of this, their real name handled with so much care on the tip of his tongue. The fear in his eyes should make them want to protect him, and the best way to protect him is to get far, far away, because they’re the one who hurt him. They’ve hurt him once, so they could do it again. The fear in his eyes is justified.

It shouldn’t make them so angry.

“C’mon, let’s go home. It’s not far. We can both grab a shower and you can maybe just talk about it for a while with Maxine, yeah?”

No. “Leave me here,” they sign in shaking hands.

“I promise, that’s not going to happen-“

“You should leave me here.”

He frowns. He’s so happy, Sam. Of course, not all the time, but his mind doesn’t crawl into the darkest possible shadows when he leaves it unsupervised for a moment. He doesn’t split himself into a thousand shards for a thousand different situations. He is whole, and he wholeheartedly believes that things will get better.

“You need to come home, Runner Five. Janine’s orders.” He feigns seriousness to match his furrowed brow. Five steps back.

“I wish I’d died on that boat.”

He turns cold for the first time at that, a beat of silence between them as a cloud breaks the warmth of the sunlight.

“No. No. None of us get to say that, okay? Being alive is a gift. You don’t get to wish it away. And sometimes it’s awful, and it’s hard, but you keep going for all the ones who didn’t make it. You keep going because they fought for you to survive. You keep going for Sara Smith and Archie Jensen and, bloody hell, you keep going for Simon!”

“You don’t understand!” They vocalise it, try to shout, but the words are barely more than a whisper. They’re going to hit something, they’re going to scream, something, something, something. The rage inside them feels like it’s sparking, waiting to find touchpaper, to catch light.

“I understand that you’re trying to process the truly horrible things that you’ve been through in the last few weeks.” He sighs. “No, the last few years, and that’s okay. I know you’re angry. I know you’re frightened of yourself. And I know I don’t know the half of it, but Five… I’m not letting you go. I’m not giving up on you just because you’re struggling.”

He’s crouching again, his arms outstretched and non-threatening. They could push him into the water and take the gun from his waistband in one fell swoop-and-run. Then what? Move into one of Simon’s old hidey-holes, or roam the hills like Tom de Luca carving words into their skin, or run right over the cliffs and fly for just a moment? Sam would never catch them, never find them, and eventually he’d move on. He’s strong enough.

“Please, just come home with me.”

“I can’t. I don’t deserve it.” And, because he’ll refuse to accept that truth, they’ll give him one he can’t refute. “I’m not… I’m not safe to be around.”

Broken people just break everything they touch, even when trying to be made new. Didn’t Si teach them that?

Sam’s eyes are sparkling with tears. “Please, Rory.”

“I can’t,” they try again, but their knees are already buckling with exhaustion, and they’re falling into his arms. All they can do for a while is sob.

#zombies run #zr #Sam Yao #runner five #my runner five #Rory Jeavons #zrs3 spoilers #zrs3 #is this self insert hurt-comfort?#yes #is it healthy?#hmmm

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therewrites · 4 years ago

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We Are Who We Are Overall Thoughts *spoilers*

This review will be discussing briefly some of the episodes so far, so SPOILERS

So I started watching the HBO original series, We Are Who We Are, and I am conflicted. When I initially watched it, the dialogue made it hard for me to enjoy it so I stopped. Then after a couple of weeks after its airing, I thought, what the hell? And this time, I was pleasantly surprised. I always maintain the belief that pilot episodes are either boring, messy, or just bad so I try to push past it in order to get to the good shit. The pilot for We Are Who We Are was...I’m not sure how to explain...different? It certainly wasn’t bad and it made an impression on me, but this show as a whole is hard to limit by just a few words. It’s really something that you should watch and experience yourself.

It was only after the first 3 episodes that I began to understand the tone and mood that Luca Guadagnino was trying to convey. A lot of the time, the dialogue is abrupt and choppy and can make no sense. It can be frustrating, especially when you have two characters that aren’t communicating effectively. But I think that was the point. Guadagnino is a very realistic director, he captures the most realistic elements in a film. A lot of the conversations between characters is meant to emulate real life. Like, what the hell do you say when a conversation becomes awkward? Well, nothing sometimes.

While Guadagnino’s typical cinematography may suggest whimsy, in WAWWA’s case the small structured and synthetic model of the military base is juxtaposed to the very concrete characters. When I started to view the show less as simply a televised airing of fictional characters and problems, and instead looked at them as people, I began to really enjoy it.

Take the main character of Fraser, played by Jack Dylan Grazer. Fraser is meant to be seen as an extremely complex and troubled kid, but the difference between him and every other teen in a coming-of-age drama is that he isn’t polished. His drinking and drug habit isn’t framed as romantic or beautiful, in fact most of the time it’s portrayed as his weakness of sorts. In the first episode, Fraser has one of his mothers drive him home after getting pretty wasted and Luca graces us with a direct shot of him throwing up. And before that, Fraser is stumbling on a bridge when he drunkenly falls and cuts his face. Everything the character does is messy, uncoordinated, yet extremely real and relatable. Hell, in one shot you can clearly see him do a Naruto run!

Caitlin/Harper is a character that I enjoyed watching, as well. Jordan Seamon did a fantastic job and I really connected with their character. Initially we see Caitlin as this mysterious girl, and in the pilot we are meant to assume that their relationship with Fraser is supposed to develop into a romantic one. This is not the case as it seems that Caitlin is trying to come to terms with who they are. The biggest shift in Caitlin’s character isn’t their friendship with Fraser but probably when they get their period.

This was a moment that even I related to, even though I am cis when I first got my period I didn’t tell my mom until the day after. The possible confusion and shift in their reality that Caitlin felt was only heightened with the conflict of their boyfriend wanting to be more physically intimate, and Fraser’s eventual discover of Harper. I would have like to see exactly why Fraser seemed drawn to Caitlin. I’m assuming viewers were supposed to think that Fraser is attracted to her, or something. But both Caitlin/Harper and Fraser are queer coded and their respective sexualities are alluded to not being straight. It would’ve made their standing as platonic friends more clear if this had been established stronger.

I definitely think the writer could have devoted more time to giving certain characters proper conversations. It would’ve given more development to certain characters and better context for things. However even without that, there is a lot that the audience is showed that can’t be told through dialogue. The power struggle between Sarah and Richard being one. So far, there hasn’t been any explanation as to why they have a such a volatile relationship other than Richard being a homophobe.

Through deeper inspection, I was able to interpret it as: Richard may heavily resent the fact the Sarah was promoted to Colonel and not him. It is never made clear who has the better credentials, Sarah or Richard, but assuming that she was the one promoted it is a safe guess. This may be highlighted by the fact that Sarah is a women, and also gay. Even before episode 7, it was clear that Richard did not respect her authority. I also interpreted it as Richard being upset that and openly gay women was promoted instead of him, a black man.

Of course this is just based on my own personal knowledge of how the U.S. military can be towards people of color and LGBTQ+. Regardless, the competitive tension between two parents is palpable without needing dialogue to explain.

When conflict happens, I can kind of figure out which characters are going to react and which one’s will stay silent. I think the show is trying to accomplish a drastically realistic and raw series. It took me while to adjust to it, but by maybe the 2nd or 3rd episode, it starts to grow on you. Despite not liking a good majority of the characters, I was very surprised by how invested I was in them.

Like, Danny is my least favorite character because he displays very abusive and explosive tendencies, and doesn’t seem to care about the world around him. However, getting glimpses into his character and seeing how Richard ignores him for Caitlin/Harper, his suicidal thoughts, and how he is trying to reclaim his cultural and religious background makes me empathize with him.

Even though I hate his character, I can see that he is struggling. I appreciate the way that this show freely shows dark skinned black boys dealing with mental health issues, and personal development. Rarely are issues like suicide talked about in the black community, so seeing Danny talk about it and Craig offering(admittedly poor)comfort was touching. This is a general vibe that I get from nearly all the characters on WAWWA. I also appreciated the how Danny is actively trying to convert to Islam. In shows, rarely is Islam ever portrayed in a positive manner. Especially when female characters are shown to be struggling with their religion, Islam is shown as this barrier that prevents them from living life. Hopefully it goes without saying that the “taking off the hijab” as a way to show that a female character is “liberated” is overplayed and does not offer any respect to the countless Muslim women who choose to wear hijabs.

Now I think the pacing of some of the storylines could have been handled a bit more gracefully. Like how we jump from Fraser and Harper being kind of enemies(not really but you know what I mean), to just them hanging out in Richard’s boat was jarring. I would have at least liked to see the scene of them talking on the rocks at the beach. It would’ve given more insight on Caitlin/Harper’s character and also on Fraser too. Also how quickly Maggie and Lu(Jennifer but I love the name Lubaba, it’s my aunt’s name)jump into a physical affair. I just would have liked to see a build up of tension between all these characters but I don’t think this entirely ruins the plot.

I was very iffy when I learned that the show would be focusing on trans identity and gender and sexuality, but not actually hire a trans male actor. I was afraid that the show would completely botch the experiences of being transgender, and honestly I don’t have the authority to speak on whether or not this affects the quality of the show. I am cisgender, and only can empathize with this particular situation as much as I can. But I would like to hear to the opinion of someone who is trans and elaborate on the ways that they did/didn’t like Jordan Kristine Seamón’s portrayal.

Now at the time I’m writing this, the season finale has yet to come out. But I’d also like to briefly discuss the most recent episode and how it developed Jonathan and Fraser’s relationship. I was VERY worried that Guadagnino was going to take their relationship in the direction of inappropriate. While nearly all the depictions of Jonathan and his actions have been trough Fraser’s pov, it didn’t stop me from side-eyeing some of the interactions they shared. Of course after it was mentioned that Jonathan was supposed to be in his late 20s, nearing 30 I was immediately uncomfortable with the very flirty behavior he exhibited.

So when the scene of Fraser going up to his apartment after Craig’s death, I was very on edge. If Guadagnino had gone the extra mile to show an even larger age gap then I would’ve been pissed. While I enjoyed Call Me By Your Name, the implication that sexual relationships between barely legal teenagers and adults well into their 20s was sensual is something that I see as very weird now that I’m older. So seeing Jonathan as the object of Fraser’s affections made me extremely warry.

And honestly, I’m still surprised that the scene even happened in its entirety. I’m sure that Jack was not in any danger of being exploited but there were definitely points while watching I thought, what the fuck is going on? I was very worried that it would escalate, but I was happy to see that Fraser was the one who stopped it from going further. It made sense to me that this scene took so many liberties to be as graphic as possible without being too graphic, in order to show why a situation like that would be scary and confusing for Fraser. It wasn’t lost to me that Marta and Jonathan were the one’s initiating all the sexual advances. They held all the power in that scenario, even more so because Fraser is younger and has the tendencies to not make the best decisions. Though it seemed that Fraser was trying, he knew that the situation was fucked up.

I’d like to hear what JDG felt and thought doing this scene. What was his character’s thought process?

I’ve seen a lot of people compare the show heavily to CMBYN, which is fine. Besides certain cinematic parallels that people pointed out, I don’t see the clear comparison. CMBYN is more of a love story and it’s more polished than WAWWA. Now when I say tat, I don’t mean it as a negative. Rather, We Are Who We is obviously more devoted to realism and its characters. I appreciate the inclusion of more LGBTQ+ people and black main characters with development, something that CMBYN lacked. And for some people who didn’t like the show based solely on the fact that it wasn’t a CMBYN tv show, I suggest just going into it with no expectations and enjoy the mess.

And I’d also like to take a moment to commend Jack Dylan Grazer for his job in We Are Who We Are. All of the main cast are amazing actors and actresses and did a really good job bringing their characters to life. Though, I had always associated JDG with supporting roles that, while highlighted his acting talent, only put him in a one-dimensional light. As good as It 2017 was, JDG’s role of Eddie is only meant to be seen as a comic relief. In WAWWA, I was able to forget that he was teen actor, Jack Dylan Grazer, and really see him as Fraser. It’s worth mentioning that in a GQ interview, Grazer also mentioned how this role made him reevaluate is approach to acting.

And after reading an interview he did with a Interview Germany, with him saying he spent months in Italy reading the script and trying to perfectly craft this character, I was immensely impressed. I hope that he knows that all his hard work payed off and made a really dynamic and interesting character. I really hope that in the future JDG continues with more mature or multi-dimensional roles because he displayed that he has the talent to do so. Him being so young makes me optimistic in knowing that he is definitely going places in his career. I also hope that there will be a season 2 of WAWWA because despite having hour long episodes, the show still felt way too short. There is a lot about Fraser’s character, and all the others’ characters, that I want more information and analysis on.

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belleandkurtbastian · 4 years ago

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So, I just watched Skam France Season 3 for the first time, and I am conflicted on it.

I want to state up front: I liked it. It’s not terrible or even bad...

But there are some REALLY questionable characterisation choices when comparing it to the original that make it hard for me to wholeheartedly love.

And again, this is from the POV of someone who watched the original FIRST, and is comparing it TO that. Moreover, I’ve ONLY watching S3-4 of Skam, and S3 of Skam France. I haven’t watched S1-2, and due to the content I’ve heard of, I’m not really sure I particularly want to, sorry.

It’s like they took everyone on a scale of antagonistic to friendly, and pushed them further to one end or the other at random. I’m mostly going to take this character-by-character:

Mika REALLY annoyed me. I just didn’t get any of the camaraderie that Eskild had with Isak. He honestly comes across as a dick for over two-thirds of the season, and like his moments of good are just blips.

Chloé is back and forth. She is nowhere near as annoying as Emma. I didn’t dislike Emma in Skam, but she was kind of annoying, even if obviously you did feel for her a bit. But with Chloé, she was really likeable... she stood up for herself. But then she had that whole “I can tell whomever I want” speech... Then she turned it around in the make-up scene with Lucas, only to ruin it again by admitting she DID run her mouth. Emma is never outright stated to have intentionally run her mouth. Some people found out through her, but she was never confirmed to have done so maliciously... Chloé didn’t manage that.

Gonna tackle this one quickly: Basile. I HATE what they did with this character. I get it, he’s the Magnus proxy. But he has none of Magnus’ likeability. They took his lack-of-filter up to 11, and made him just come across as a creep. When Magnus has those deep insights about bipolar disorder in x09-10, it feels in-character, because Magnus is a sensitive character who just... doesn’t think before he speaks sometimes. Basile just comes across as a tier-one creep who suddenly gets these weirdly prosaic thoughts at the last minute in the season.

The girls as a whole were actually a positive.

I LOVE what they did with Alexia. I think making that character openly bi, and giving her several of the Isak/Even and Isak/his friends conversations about gay people was absolutely 100% a good choice. Chris is one of my favourite characters from the original, and this iteration is a blast. I really love it.

I also really like what they did with Imane. She’s a bit more forthright than Sana. And I really like the additions they made to the religion/science conversation. First of all, the fact that the conversations came off the back of discussions about Alexia, I really like that. It grounds it in a way that means Lucas doesn’t have to make the “I don’t think about homosexuality all the time” lie (which is Isak’s FUNNIEST lie, no doubt)... But they go deeper. Specifically talking about how “science” hasn’t always accepted queer people is a narrative choice that REALLY works well, and it’s one of those things that I feel they stuck the landing on.

I like that Lucas is shown having closer relationships to the other girls in this season, too, though. I mean, he and Manon have parallel stories going on where they take comfort in each other, and Daphné gets some great moments beyond her Vilde-proxy moments too. I honestly don’t remember Emma (Eva’s proxy, not the Norway character of that name) getting much. I might be wrong, but I don’t have any Emma moments that stick out to me.

But then there’s Yann...

I am REALLY conflicted on Yann.

First of all, they race-flipped both Jonas/Yann and Mahdi/Arthur. And like... That’s fine, in and of itself.

But they took the “you’re homophobic because you’re a person of colour” minor plot point from Mahdi and sort of gave it to Yann and made it more of a thing.

“The Black character is a homophobe” is an overdone trope, and especially in a series where one of the threads is Lucas’ friendship with Imane, it’s not great optics.

Now obviously, Yann accepts Lucas... But that whole storyline just felt like “we need to be different”. That entire conversation between Yann and Lucas was WEIRD. I just... Yann was trying, sure, but the whole “You can tell me anything and I’m angry that you couldn’t tell me this” thread REALLY rubs me the wrong way. It feels really like Yann is passing blame onto Lucas for his own poor response...

Oh, and Mika did NOT help with the whole “He’s not homophobic. He doesn’t have a problem with me.”... Like, how is that supposed to make Lucas feel BETTER about feeling abandoned by his best friend in his time of need?

But my God, despite that, the season did stick the landing. I REALLY do like the changes made to the last few episodes. First of all, Lucas and Eliott being SUPER public. The whole “assprint” thing. Lucas’ friends wooping for joy when Lucas introduces son mec. Actual interaction between Lucas and his mother...

The only blemish on the last few episodes: I REALLY don’t like how they removed Even/Eliott’s agency in the suicide attempt/runaway scene. The fact it was Lucille who contacted Lucas? That bugs me.

But the final episode. First of all, I really liked the clipshow with narration from Lucille. It was a bit trite, sure, but I really like the message, ESPECIALLY its effect on a young audience who might be dealing with these issues.

And then the cut from that to the reality of the situation.

One thing I felt about 3x10 in the original was that they didn’t really show an actual argument or just... frustration... between Isak and Even. Even mentions that Linn and Eskild were checking up on him, that’s about it.

But the whole “I would have guessed you were at school. I don’t need help sleeping.” thing. That works really well. It’s a good choice, and I’m really glad they explored it. And I think it only works so well BECAUSE of the changes to the Lucille scene beforehand. Having her narrating the good parts and talking Lucas through it really sells the bad-parts scenes.

So overall... I liked it. I’m pretty sure I prefer the original, but I can’t deny that this remake has its charm. I might give S4 a go. I kinda want to see how well they did with Imane, because I really like this iteration of Sana.

#.n #.text #skam france #skamfr #skam fr #skam france meta #skam fr meta #skamfr meta

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howaminotinthestrokesyet · 4 years ago

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Behind The Album: The Downward Spiral

The band’s second studio album was released in March 1994 from Nothing Records and Interscope Records respectively. The release represented a concept album from Trent Reznor detailing a person’s descent into depression and ending in suicide. He would combine the record with qualities of industrial rock, techno, and metal. Much like Broken, this stood in stark contrast to Nine Inch Nails debut Pretty Hate Machine. He first thought of the idea for the record while staying in a European hotel just after the touring Lollapalooza Festival in 1992. Along with the rest of the touring band, the singer had felt this very negative vibe towards their live performances. His original vision for the project was to explore a fictional character with major psychological issues. This fictional character in the end turned out to be Reznor himself as he used this concept to speak on his particular issues at the time in the lyrics. At this time, the Nine Inch Nails front man was at war within the group with Richard Patrick, while at the same time gradually becoming a much harder drinker. Reznor made a conscious decision to distance the sound on this album from the harshness and loudness of Broken. For that reason, he tried to minimize completely any use of guitars and synthesizers, but instead sought an atmosphere on the album of “ texture and space.”

Nine Inch Nails recorded The Downward Spiral at 10050 Cielo Drive in Los Angeles, which stood as the house in which Sharon Tate had been murdered by members of the Manson family. Reznor had first bought the house in 1992 during the recording of Broken. He named the studio that was built there Le Pig After what was scrawled on the wall in blood after the murder. He would later produce Marilyn Manson’s debut album there, Portrait of an American Family. Both the Nine Inch Nails front man and manager John Malm stayed at the house for 18 months while recording Broken and The Downward Spiral. Later in 1993, the sister of Sharon Tate, Patty Tate confronted Reznor about exploiting her sister’s death by recording at her sister’s former home. The encounter did affect him profoundly causing the singer to change his perspective. “For the first time, the whole thing kind of slapped me in the face. I said, 'No, it's just sort of my own interest in American folklore. I'm in this place where a weird part of history occurred.' I guess it never really struck me before, but it did then. She lost her sister from a senseless, ignorant situation that I don't want to support. When she was talking to me, I realized for the first time, 'What if it was my sister?' I thought, 'Fuck Charlie Manson.' I went home and cried that night. It made me see there's another side to things, you know?” Once again, Reznor would collaborate with producer Flood for this record, but it would be their last. They would both have major creative differences moving forward that could not be resolved. One example of these differences came in the song entitled “Just Do It” that did not appear on the finished album. The producer believed Trent had gone too far with that particular track based on the entire concept of the album.

Over the years, the album has been interpreted in a wide variety of ways that make it difficult to pin down. Some of these themes include nihilism, self control, self abuse, depression, and madness. The one interpretation that people did agree on unanimously represented the idea that the entire record is semi autobiographical meaning the fictional protagonist is Trent Reznor. That same person has gradually been going insane through the effects of drugs, alcohol, religion, society, and finally decides to end it all. Some accused Reznor of copying a well traveled theme of angst within grunge music only a few years earlier. The music on The Downward Spiral represented something new, unique, and very unconventional. As noted before, Trent incorporated several seemingly different genres into the record including technical, metal, rock, and electronic. He would regularly utilize distortion and other noises In unstructured ways that listeners were not used to at the time. This meant that the formula of following verse and chorus went out the window with Nine Inch Nails. Another unique trend on the album came with Reznor’s use of new time signatures that were off the standard beat. Another quality found within the music emerged with his singing as it alternated between whispers and screams. He did not rely on too many samples either for The Downward Spiral with the primary ones being one from the George Lucas film THX1138 and an Iggy Pop drumming sample. The singer has noted that the two primary inspirations for the album emerged in David Bowie‘s experimental Low and Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Nine Inch Nails released the tracks “March of the Pigs” and “Closer” as singles, while “Hurt” and “Piggy” did make it on the radio, but not as singles. He was frustrated by the fact that “Closer’s” lyrics were widely misinterpreted as a song about lust, but Reznor intended the lyrics as a theme of self-hatred. The song “Hurt” subsequently released in 1995 made reference to hurting yourself and an addiction to heroin. The track would get worldwide fame a few years later when Johnny Cash covered the song. Reznor would say this about it in interviews. “I wasn’t prepared for what I saw, and it really then, wasn’t my song anymore. Then I got a CD in the post. I listened to it and it was very strange. It was this other person inhabiting my most personal song. Hearing it was like someone kissing your girlfriend. It felt invasive.” As time passed, the singer would make the statement that Johnny Cash covering one of his songs probably meant more to him than winning a Grammy.

The Downward Spiral did suffer from numerous delays from Reznor. He had hoped to finish the album in 1993, but setting up the studio to his liking took longer than expected. At the same time, he was trying to educate himself on how to write songs vastly different from anything he had ever recorded. Another reason for a further delay came in the fact that halfway through the album he suffered a massive attack of writer's block. The record became a massive hit for the band as it debuted at number two on the Billboard charts eventually being certified quadruple platinum by 1998. In the first week alone, The Downward Spiral sold 119,000 copies. Some very early listeners of the record predicted that Reznor had affectively killed the profitability of the band with the release. The singer did not disagree with this assessment as he saw the commercial value of it as quite limited, so the huge sales surprised him quite a bit. Critics almost universally praised the album commenting on its brutal honesty, darkness, and offbeat sound. Robert Christgau of The Village Voice gave it an honorable mention, while the New York Times review found the music to be quite abrasive, but meant as a compliment. Jonathan Gold of Rolling Stone likened the album to cyberpunk fiction popular at the time. Tom Sinclair of Entertainment Weekly had this to say about it. “Reznor's pet topics (sex, power, S&M, hatred, transcendence) are all here, wrapped in hooks that hit your psyche with the force of a blowtorch." In the end, the record would make many best of lists ranked very highly. Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums Ever saw the release as number 122 in 2020. Spin Magazine’s Top 20 albums of the past 25 years gave it the 10 spot. The legacy of The Downward Spiral was felt by both Reznor, his touring band mates, and the rest of the music world. Its success would lead to fame and notoriety that the singer had not envisioned, nor was he prepared for it in a mental health way either. The group had to deal with rumors left and right referencing Reznor‘s depression, possible death, and even a crazy story that he had been friends with Jeffrey Dahmer. The record also led to countless imitators including Motley Crue. Reznor would later say that The Downward Spiral was an album, where the actual truth self-fulfilled itself, meaning all the darkness, depression, and other negative themes came true in his own life.

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walkingchemicalfire · 5 years ago

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The Stray: Luca

Taking another stab at @whumpmasinjuly Day 12 prompt: “do it”

A/N: My brain just would not let this scene go. This story will be connected to the overarching storyline for “The Stray” but I want a different title in order to split Lyra’s timeline from Luca’s. If you have any ideas that you’d like to share, feel free to drop them into my inbox! For now though, Luca is the subtitle

CW: death, gore, blood, death threats, kind of suicidal ideation (that’s where the “do it” comes into play), dehumanizing talk, wetting in fear, use of needles, guns, knife, and a electrified snare pole

The first thing Luca did after the first bitch took a shot at him, was laugh. Oh humans, such imbeciles. Taking a shot at a werewolf was ballsy enough, but to not even use a silver bullet? Fucking moronic. So Luca just had to laugh when the completely human made (read: useless) bullet sailed over his shoulder and gouged a hole into a nearby tree. He spared it one glance before erupting into a deep belly laugh. The sound boomed through the surrounding forest and he was almost positive the human locked up from fear, if the bitter scent was anything to go by.

Luca descended onto all fours as his wolf broke free seamlessly. He had the scent on lock and tore through the dense forest in a adrenaline fueled rage. On the outreaches of his singular focus, he noticed that all the other creatures in the wood were madly dashing out of his path. Much wiser than the two-legged wretches in his sights. These weak, stupid, shitty cowards could never stand a chance against his might. What could they possibly have hoped for when they provoked him? A swift death surely, one that he would gladly grant them. Although it would be much bloodier than they were imagining.

Luca pounded into the small clearing where the scent trail ended. There were five of the motherfuckers. The bitch that took the shot hadn’t even risen from her prone position in the dirt, her rifle still pointed in the direction of where he had been walking. Luca watched with satisfaction as this one turned her head and immediately the blood drained from her face. She opened her mouth to scream but the sound never passed her lips. Instead, the last thing she saw was the dark depths of Luca’s gullet.

Luca crushed the skull in his jaws, removing it from the body with a quick yank and a twist. He tossed it over the short cliff ledge the now headless body was slumped atop. The explosion of blood in his mouth and the scent of it filling his nostrils heightened his senses to new levels. The wolf reveled in the hot liquid dripping from his maw. It invigorated him. Sent sparks of heat zipping through his veins. Igniting the hottest fires along his nerves.

The next moments passed in a blur of decimation. A flurry of pulverized flesh, shattered bone, and more blood than Luca could swallow. His entire front, from jaw to claws, was sticky with it. His fur was matted with it as well, and yet he could not find it in himself to care. All that he wanted was to rid his territory of these dipshit creatures.

Speaking of, the final bastard was making a desperate scramble to retreat. He was on his butt, crawling backwards while facing the massive wolf currently stalking toward him. Luca took in the human’s unadulterated terror with gleaming eyes. This scent was unparalleled in the overwhelming sense of panic and...the of foul smell ammonia. The wolf’s nostrils twitched at the burning stench of human piss. The wolf felt amusement at the realization. The human should be terrified of him. Perhaps it would teach him to stay away from him and his Pack.

Luca was never one to play with his prey, but this was much too inviting. The piss soaked human had backed himself into a tree. Panic took an even tighter hold over him as he realized he was trapped and facing his imminent doom. Luca was enraptured by his chest moving up and down in desperate heaves for his final breaths. He could just hear the blood rushing through his veins, the heart pounding in an almost continuous gallop. Luca licked his chops, savoring the anticipation of having that heart in his stomach.

He came to a halt before this poor excuse for a hunter of his kind, prepared to make his end quick with a slash to the jugular. He had just raised his paw to make the swipe when he felt the knife pierce his side. At first it felt like a normal knife, like the one he had practiced with back home and, more than once, had slashed himself with accidentally. But when the searing burn of silver made itself known, Luca knew he was in a bind.

“AAWWWOOOOAAHHHHH!!!” Luca’s howl morphed into a cry of anguish as he Changed to protect his wolf from the majority of the unbearable torment. He could already feel the silver digging its way through his connection. He wanted to mourn the loss, but he still had his anger to sate.

“You motherfuckin’ shitstain! This how ya fight? Stabbing us with silver ‘stead of facin’ your end with dignity?” Luca hurled the words at the human still backed against the tree before him. This one seemed to get some sort of sense back and he made a mad dash to his feet, only to face plant two seconds later. Luca barked a laugh at the idiot’s desperation. The sound broke off into a gasp as the knife shifted inside him. The human did a strange mix of stumbling and running, like his brain and legs did not agreeing on what speed was appropriate for the situation, and ducked into the surrounding woods.

Luca snorted at the retreat and a slight breeze provided him just enough assistance to catch the new odors of humans. There are way too many for him to overpower in his injured state so he resorted to a new goal: ride it out and slaughter them when the silver had run its course.

The Change had left him on his knees and it’s as good as a position as he can hope for with the knife still lodged under his ribs. He called out to the assholes hiding behind the trees all around him. “Come on out, fucking dickless shitheads! There’s a goddamn silver knife in my side so I ain’t Changin’ for a while. You’re safe, I promise.” And that assurance is as empty as all the bodies splayed out over the clearing.

It certainly got him what he wanted though. The humans move as a group, all with firearms at the ready, surrounding him on all fronts. Luca smiles gleefully when one to his left gets too close. He gnashed his teeth in their direction, beyond pleased when they stumble over their own feet and nearly fall. They make it too easy for him to thrive off their terror.

“Tell y’all what, if you lower your weapons and clear outta my territory, then I won’t gut you like your brothers in the dirt around you.” He remembered the first kill being a female and tacks on, “Hmm, and sister. Which I have to say, pretty shitty of your kind to have women fight your battles.”

“That’s quite enough, dog.” One of the humans breaks off from the circled group and stands in front him. This one has their hands tucked behind their back and is more or less in a relaxed posture. There are no defining outward traits for Luca to determine if this one is male or female. It’s then that he notices his senses are becoming too dull to even pick up a scent on the human.

He mentally shook himself and returned his focus to what vulgar term was just used. “What the hell did you jus’ call me?” He growls out.

“Dog. Spelled D-O-G. Of the Canidae family in the Animalia kingdom. The first animals to be domesticated by humans. Known as a lower species to, as you referenced a moment ago, our kind. Often found in the wild as unhinged, blood thirsty, carnivores that require correction to subdue.” The human paused to gesture between Luca and the lifeless bodies nearby. “You certainly fit the bill a few minutes ago.”

Luca snarled in response. He knew that was not the wisest response in proving that he is not an animal, but the silver was putting him down for the count at a rapid pace and all his remaining energy was going towards keeping himself upright. He has to face off this enemy before he can get away, he just doesn’t know if he’ll have the chance to get far enough.

The Leader scoffed softly and nods to one of the others in the circle to Luca’s right. Before he can even think to look over to see what’s coming, something goes over his head and encircles his neck. It’s a thick band of wire and Luca jerked in outrage and shock, the accompanying adrenaline rush providing enough clarity for him to ignore the sharp twinge as the knife was jostled. He moves in a twisting motion but the wired band is already too tight around his throat. There is no burn like the knife so he raked his nails over it, trying to find a gap he can use to his advantage. When none are found, he yanked his head to the side so the human who was tightening this wire would be thrown off balance. It worked, but he was also caught off guard as the human dropped a heavy pole that is connected to the contraption around his neck. The wire remained secure and he grunted as it pinched his skin.

Luca heard the distinct sound of a gun being cocked above him. He looked up at the Leader to find they had a pistol leveled at his head.

Luca snorted and leveled his own glare at the human. “I sure hope ya got a silver one in the chamber there, motherfucker. Else I’m gonna tear your bleedin’ heart outa your goddamn chest and make you eat it.”

The Leader’s eye twitched just slightly, but it was enough incentive for Luca to shift forward and press his forehead to the barrel of the gun.

He never breaks eye contact with Leader. “Do it.”

The Leader pushed back and brings their finger over the trigger. Luca smiles at their hesitancy, making sure to show all his teeth that will make quick work out Leader’s throat, even without his wolf’s fangs.

The shot never comes. Instead, fire burns him from the inside out, branching out from his neck until all his muscles are spasming uncontrollably. He realizes in a daze that this is almost worse than the silver. The current continued surging through him until he could barely breathe.

Somehow he ended up face first in the dirt. He smelled fresh blood and it’s so close he can taste the tang of it. All his senses are under a trance. It felt like he’d been put in a vacuum and everything is being overrun by the ringing in his ears. He feels a prick of something near his neck and, belatedly realizing it was a needle, tried to extricate himself from the tight seal of the vacuum in his head. It does not release him and he groans as his vision darkens further and a sweep of cold rushes through his veins.

“They’re all dead when I break out of this.” Luca vows as he fades out.

Tag Team: @whump-tr0pes @sableflynn @whumpywhumper @0idril0 @cursedscribbles @mymoon199 @endless-whump

**Since this is a new OC, please let me know if you only want to be tagged on Lyra’s story**

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length-of-rope · 5 years ago

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Not everything is black and white. There’s no “bad guys” here.

I feel like this fandom doesn’t do well with nuanced situations and tends to look at everything in a very black-and-white manner. Which is a shame because I feel like the way the characters have behaved so far has made a lot of sense. This isn’t a black-and-white situation here and neither of the characters should be villainized nor left off the hook.

There seems to be a lot of Lucas and Lucille comparisons going on here, which are completely unwarranted and they seem to come from looking at both Eliott/Lucille and Elu relationships at a very surface level. Lucas is worried about Eliott potentially being triggered by someone who’s in a very turbulous time in their recovery has to mean he’s controlling, right? Well, no.

Here’s the thing about having an MI. It’s not something that defines people who have it. We’re not suddenly incapable of making our own decision nor are we any less of an individual. However, pretending that MI doesn’t have a significant effect on our lives and relationships is… not a good take to have. Lucas being cautious of potential triggers to Eliott’s treatment is not him being controlling.

Before I say the next thing, I want to say that I’m a person with an MI who’s had suicidal thoughts and self-harmed in the past. I’ve been through therapy and was able to find a way to manage my issues for the most part. But it took me YEARS to get to this point in life and I sabotaged myself and screwed people over in the process. Recognizing that was an important part of my recovery. Now onto what my experience has taught me.

Navigating around a person’s MI is not an easy thing. It’s not. No matter how much the two people care about each other, no matter how much trust there is in a relationship, there’s a balance that needs to be found.

On one hand you want to ensure that you’re not encroaching on a person’s autonomy and individuality, while keeping an eye out for something out of the ordinary. And where do we draw the line, really? How much can we ask of the other person and how much we just have to agree with and accept as their decision? Is it okay to ask them to take their meds, or should we just accept it when they say that they don’t want to take them anymore even if those meds have a tremendous impact on their behaviour and well-being? Should we be okay with a person on heavy medication drinking and taking drugs and risking overdose or should we say something? Should we insist on keeping a person in the midst of a depressive episode company or should we respect it when they want us to leave, even if we have a strong suspicion that they’re suicidal? Those are not easy things to navigate and sometimes there’s a very thin line between being respectful of someone’s autonomy and being neglectful.

Lucas has been trying to navigate this aspect of his relationship with Eliott for a year and so far, he’s been doing a decent job of it. While Eliott has his insecurities, those stem more from his internalized issues rather than the state of his relationship with Lucas. He’s been able to recognize that Lucas was worried multiple times but not once (not even during the clip on Saturday) did he call Lucas controlling. And that, more than anything, tells me that Lucas has done his best to give Eliott the space that he needs and be there for him when things are tough.

What we’ve seen so far this season was Lucas having an impulsive reaction to seeing someone in their bed but he did not try to interfere with Eliott and Lola’s friendship in any way, even accepting and supporting her playing a role in Eliott’s movie. He chose to trust her and even attempted to bond with her because she was important to Eliott. The fact that he was worried that someone who’s in the middle of a very unsteady recovery could potentially trigger Eliott wasn’t nearly as unfair as people think it was. That’s a perfectly valid concern to have. Now, we can argue about whether or not it’s a concern he should have voiced to LOLA of all people, however I don’t think his intention was to bring her down with that comment. I can go into all the ways this behaviour is different from Lucille but this is already quite long so maybe another time.

Now, onto Lola.

She has a lot of issues and has been through a lot of trauma at a very young age. She’s only at the beginning of her recovery and has many slip ups but holy fuck, she’s really trying. The real Lola, the one we see when she’s not under the influence of any substances and weight down by her pain, is gentle and empathetic. She cares about the happiness and comfort of the people close to her and does what she can to make them feel cared for. She’s a loving and gentle person.

But addiction and pain are ugly things. Hurt people hurt people. We’ve seen this happen a couple of times this season, how nasty and hurtful Lola can be when she’s suffering. We saw it in how she spoke to Maya when she was drunk, how she blamed Daphne for her addiction, the hurtful word she said to her father when she blamed him for her mother’s problems and in how she played with Eliott’s insecurities on Saturday. All of this is quite familiar to me, I’ve done the same things time and time again to the people I loved and it didn’t matter to me how that was affecting them at the time, too preoccupied with my own pain. Lola knew what she was doing on Saturday, she deliberately called Eliott to join her and played on his insecurities, made him question his relationship with Lucas, because she wanted him down in the pit with her. It made her feel less lonely and seen.

Lucas wasn’t wrong when he said she was being selfish on Saturday, because she was. Selfishness is not just one thing, it’s not always about gaining something valuable at the expense of hurting others. Sometimes, selfishness can come from a place of unbelievable pain and desperation. The way we feel overshadows everything around us and we fight to get ourselves out of that place, without considering how much our actions can affect the ones we love. But once the moment of clarity comes, we get to see the consequences of our actions and are left with the feeling of guilt.

None of this makes Lola a bad person and she deserves to be loved and cared for. That doesn’t change the fact that the people she hurt when she was in her dark place are also entitled to their feelings of hurt and anger.

We don’t know how much Lucas knows about what happened that night, perhaps Eliott told him what Lola said about their relationship, perhaps he didn’t. However, he clearly knows enough of it to understand what was her intention in calling Eliott that night. Is he wrong to be so harsh with her? Yes, for sure. No one should ever speak to another person so harshly but it too comes from a place of pain and he tried to avoid the confrontation twice, before he lost his temper. It’s quite possible he will regret his words as soon as he calms down as well.

In short, there’s no “bad guys” in this scenario. Only people who have normal, human reactions to hurtful situations in their lives. It’s okay to understand that while Lola messed up, she recognizes her mistakes and is still trying her best, and that does not make her a bad person. We can also understand that Lucas’ is entitled to his feelings of hurt, because Lola’s actions affected him in a big way, too. None of them are bad people, there’s really no need to pit them against each other.

#Skam France #Lucas Lallemant #Lola Lectome #Eliott Demaury

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breakingsomething · 5 years ago

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the fall part twelve - i can't think of a clever name for this one

basic summary: marvin visits naomi, and henrik decides to look for anti.

trigger warnings: extreme distress, destructive behaviours, talk of medication, brief seizure, implied suicidal ideation

just an extra warning - this chapter contains an extreme, destructive breakdown of a character that might be upsetting if you're triggered by that. i just figured i'd stress that just in case.

the next week passed surprisingly normally, considering.

hecate was still pretty much on lockdown. kazuki and several other magicians, some even from other branches around the country, had added some new, reinforced spells all around the entire place. almost no one but some of the higher ups were allowed in, and the damage control from one little break in was taking a long time. marvin was even involved, for some reason; kazuki had wanted him personally, most likely to do with jackie being his brother. he hadn't been happy about it, but he had always felt obligated to clean up other people's messes, including whatever the fuck jackie had gotten himself into this time.

speaking of messes, no one knew where anti was. he had disappeared not long after their trip to the music shop, going god knows where... the thought of him being free again was admittedly very annoying. but marvin comforted himself with the fact that anti was still very sick and there were wards around the flat, even stronger ones that kazuki herself had come round to install. they weren't sure what had happened to the original wards, either. kazuki said it was most likely caused by the breaking of the veil (which he and chase had filled henrik in on) and that it was nothing to be worried about anymore.

and speaking of that, marvin had started to notice more and more of the strangeness now happening around the city. people walking by like they were invisible, people repeating dialogue when faced with anything even remotely odd. "i suppose that explains why ellie and parker acted so strange when i visited," henrik mused after the whole thing had been explained to him. then he told them about that problem in turn, including the glitched out car, and they all agreed it was a very fucked up situation. apparently, the problem was "being managed" (kazuki's words), and marvin honestly was too done to look too far into it.

it was early one afternoon that marvin was in the kitchen with henrik, somehow managing to talk completely normally with him. their relationship had definitely been pretty stiff for a while, considering all the anti stuff, but for the time being, they had reached a silent, temporary truce. that was good enough for marvin. "how'd you sleep?" he asked, as way of greeting.

"same as usual," henrik mumbled, face practically in his cup of coffee and glasses slipping off his face. maybe that had been a dumb question. "as well as i probably could have, given…" he sat up slightly, waving his hand in a clumsy circle.

marvin nodded, setting about making toast. he was never hungry for much lately. "try and relax or something. you always work too hard."

"well, someone has to," henrik snapped. then he blinked, letting out a shuddering sigh. "i didn't mean that."

"i know," marvin said quietly.

they didn't say a lot after that until someone knocked on the door.

"are you expecting anyone?" marvin asked, to which henrik shook his head and set down his cup, suddenly looking nervous. with anti's location unknown and jackie having managed to break through even hecate's defenses, his paranoia has been at an all time high, and his eyes widened upon seeing marvin stand to go see who it was.

"wait, what are you -" he started, breath catching as he shrank back. his hand that he'd held up in a "stop" gesture hung in the air uselessly. "i - is it -"

marvin smiled softly. he used to get so frustrated with henrik's constant fears and worries, but he knew now to be more patient about them, especially as of late. "it's fine, hen. see?" he peeked through the small rectangular window on the door and blinked when he saw who it was. "uh. it's not anti."

he pulled open the door. "lucas?" he said questioningly, smiling despite his confusion. "how did you get our address?"

the blonde on the doorstep grinned back and laughed awkwardly. "oh, naomi told me a while ago. just in case i ever had to go save your asses in an emergency." then his smile slipped, and his gaze fell to the ground. "actually, that's… kinda what i came here to talk about. if that's ok."

"no, no, that's fine," marvin insisted, stepping aside to let lucas in. the man smiled at henrik, who grinned weakly, silently moving his hands under the table to hide how they shook. marvin raised an eyebrow at him as lucas went by. "do you want coffee or tea?" he asked, to which he responded "tea" and marvin set about making it. lucas stood awkwardly for a second before marvin offered him a chair and he sank down next to henrik, who quietly shuffled his chair an inch or so away. everyone noticed. no one commented.

"so… what's up?" marvin asked, drumming the table with his fingertips. lucas hesitated, blowing the air out of his cheeks.

"naomi's definitely been acting strange lately," he started. "i've tried talking to her a few times, texting and on calls, and she always sounds so off."

marvin frowned. "off how?"

lucas touched the side of his neck, scrunching up his face. "well, she's texting differently. usually just, like, one word answers. and i… this sounds so dumb, but she never usually makes so many typos as she does now." he laughs awkwardly. "i didn't think you could make that many, uh, typos in one word. but, yeah. and she sounds different on call too, when she answers. she gets pissed off if i ask why, though. has anything happened to her recently?"

something banged down the hall, and they could hear someone padding towards the kitchen. "morning, assholes," came a loud, cheery voice, and chase popped round the doorway. his hair was down for once, a curly blonde mess around his shoulders, and he was wearing an oversized black t-shirt over his boxers. he froze when he saw lucas, his grin immediately morphing into an expression of horror.

lucas had gone very red. "afternoon, chase," he said in a slightly higher pitched tone than usual. he glanced down at his tea again, not making eye contact.

chase didn't even say a word. he just darted from the room again, face on fire.

"well, that was fun," henrik said drily after a moment.

"sorry about chase," marvin said, holding back a giggle at lucas's face. "he's just like that."

"oh - oh, yeah, ok," lucas stammered, seeming just slightly flustered. he cleared his throat, smoothing his hair back before he continued. "anyway, what was i saying?"

"naomi acting weird," marvin said. he tossed his head to get hair out of his face while he thought. he suddenly wondered why lucas had come round to talk to him about this instead of texting or something. "yeah, she did say she was feeling off. i don't know, we've not been speaking as much as usual."

henrik suddenly got up and went to wash his mug. lucas watched him go before turning back to marvin. "what has she said to you? sorry if it seems like i'm being nosy or something, i just - i care about her a lot. she's always been really sweet to me, i guess."

something hot and unpleasant panged in marvin's chest. he didn't pause to think about what it could mean. "she said some more - some personal stuff. i don't know how much you know, but - yeah. i'm gonna go visit her today, maybe."

lucas nodded, grimacing. "sounds like a plan. i really hope she's ok. tell her much love from lucas, ha."

marvin chose to ignore the tight clenching of his chest and gripped his mug with white fingers, nodding like a bobblehead and resisting the urge to bite his lip again.

henrik made a small noise of surprise as he fumbled in the sink and nearly dropped his mug again. "sorry, sorry," he said when he realised lucas was looking at him again. "i'm a bit clumsy this morning, i think."

marvin could see how his hands were shaking. "i'll dry," he offered, and henrik smiled gratefully. lucas dithered at the table, folding and unfolding his hands.

"so how goes the search for anti, marvin?" he asked, and they made small talk for about ten minutes while marvin and henrik did the rest of the dishes. it seemed henrik was adjusting a bit more to having someone new in the house, and even chatted with lucas a bit himself. marvin mentally thanked lucas for being so incredibly sweet and patient. he was the perfect person to help henrik get used to talking to other people again.

a door crashed open somewhere, and there was a pause before a bright red chase entered the room, grinning nervously. he had brushed his hair and pulled it back into a ponytail extending from the back of his cap, and he was now wearing a bright yellow hoodie and black jeans. "morning, my wonderful brothers and also lucas, who i didn't know was here today and i apologize greatly for calling an asshole earlier," he announced, giving an embarrassed giggle at the end. henrik rolled his eyes.

"oh, so you're not sorry for calling us assholes?" he said jokingly. he and marvin laughed as chase flipped them off and planted himself at the table, just across from lucas.

"apology accepted, chase," lucas grinned. "i like your hoodie."

chase's shoulders shot to his ears and his face somehow went redder. "thank you, thank you. got it at… primark." the two of them made eye contact for a moment, and there was a second of awkward silence as marvin felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out to look at it.

"naomi's texting me. i'll probably go round to hers today," he said, already deciding what to send back. "will you guys be ok here? hen?" he looked up at his younger brother, and henrik blinked, surprised, before a small grin broke across his face.

"we will be fine, yes," he said quietly, not looking right at marvin. "thank you for asking. i might go out later too, actually. something i have to do. though -" he turned to look at chase. "i'm sure this one will be fine here, won't he?"

chase stuck out his tongue, face flushing, and marvin went to ruffle his hair as he went by before realizing he might not want to take off his hat with lucas here and instead smacked the top of his head. "yeah, be good. lucas, you can vibe here for a bit if chase and henrik are cool with it. see you."

"say hi to naomi for me," lucas smiled. and that's when marvin couldn't just not say anything anymore.

"couldn't you just tell her yourself?" he said without thinking twice. "i was under the impression that you guys were maybe… together, or - or something."

lucas blinked, then laughed loudly, tossing back his head. "oh no, i - marvin, i'm gay," he explained, giggling. henrik snorted into his coffee, ducking his head. chase made a strange sound that marvin had never heard him make before. and marvin just stood for a moment, taking that in.

"you're - oh! oh, shit!" he said. then he laughed too, out of surprise. "oh, i'm a dumbass!"

"marvin, i am begging you to just go before you make an even bigger fool of yourself, you oblivious asshole," henrik giggled. he was shaking with laughter, head on the table and holding his coffee in front of him. "please. i cannot take this so early in the fucking day."

"ok, fuck you, whatever," marvin spluttered as he put on his coat at the door. "i hate all of you. bastards."

they were still laughing as he left.

naomi wasn't in the shop. she did, however, leave the door unlocked, texting marvin to go right in. he had done this before, but it felt different somehow. colder. the door to naomi's flat was open too, and he went inside, shivering slightly.

"nai?" he called. her flat looked even messier than usual; an immediate bad sign. "hey, i'm here."

he heard a grunt from her bedroom. he knocked hesitantly, making a face that she couldn't see. "hey there. are you alright? should i… come in?"

a pause. "mm," she hummed quietly. "if you want to."

marvin took that as a yes. he slowly opened the door before stepping inside, leaving it open behind him. her room was a mess. vines growing unattended on the pale green walls, clothes thrown around without care, books torn up and ruined, a lamp knocked over on the floor. it looked like someone had tried to destroy the place. his heart dropped when he saw naomi sprawled across her bed in leggings and a baggy pink hoodie, eyes closed. "oh, hjärtat, what's wrong?"

"i don't know," she mumbled. she had clearly been crying; her face was red and splotchy, and the carpeted floor was scattered with used tissues. "everything, maybe."

marvin gave a small sigh and sat down gingerly on the end of the bed, hands folded in front of him. naomi didn't move to accommodate him, and just stared at him with half lidded eyes. "have you taken your medication?" he asked tentatively.

"no point," she said softly. she turned her head away, pressing her cheek to a tear stained pillow. "it never helped me anyway."

"yes it did," marvin protested. "you haven't had an episode in years."

"hadn't," naomi corrected. "it was only a fucking matter of time."

marvin was silent for a moment. what could he say? "nai, i'm - i'm sorry."

"don't be," she said. she suddenly sounded more cheerful, a false warmth that marvin immediately didn't like. "not your fault."

he clicked his tongue, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "if you go back to the doctor's, they can try and prescribe you new meds -"

"i'm sick of meds!" without warning, she leapt from her bed to her feet, causing marvin to yelp and fall back. naomi twirled round and round, leaves blooming on her fingertips and flying into the air. "i'm fucking sick of it, sick of being loopy, sick of being sad, sick of being mad! fuck this shit! fuck it, fuck it!"

marvin breathed deeply. he'd handled naomi in this state before, he could do it again. "listen a second," he tried, standing so she could hear him better. "naomi, sit down a second, k? i want to -"

"don't treat me like a kid!" she stopped spinning, rage suddenly alight in her eyes as her gaze burned into marvin. "i get that maybe i act like one sometimes, maybe i'm immature, but i am a grown woman! why is it that people always forget that? just because i'm fucked in the head doesn't mean i'm incapable!"

"naomi!" marvin cried, shocked. he held up both hands to the sides of his head, trying to keep his expression and voice calm. "naomi, i'm not infantilizing you. i know you, ok? you're not normally like this -"

"what, insane, you mean? go on, you can say it!" she whooped, twirling towards the window and throwing open the curtains. bright light screamed through and lit up the room in daylight. "i'm always like this! always an asshole, a bitch - just ask kai! i hurt him when i was like this! just that stupid medication, thinks it can control me! nothing can control me anymore!"

"is that - is that why you stopped talking them?" marvin tried. fuck, but he couldn't remember who kai was either. "you thought they were controlling you?"

"they were!" she shouted. she blinked rapidly, rubbing her eyes and breathing heavily. "they've always been controlling me, the fucking things. making me all "ooh, sweet little naomi gudmundson who does flower magic and owns a flower shop and dates good magician boys and never cries and sings like snow white and makes fucking birds flock to her window!" well, well, could a lovely disney princess do this?"

marvin realised what she was going to do right before she did it. "nai, no!" he cried, but naomi shoved him away and curled out an arm, gritting her teeth and tearing her hand towards the ceiling. an enormous dragon tree suddenly began to crack through the floorboards, twisting into shape, branches and leaves sprouting and extending larger and farther out, hitting the sides of the room. marvin was very quickly running out of places to stand clear of the plantlife. "naomi, stop it!" he yelled, trying to get to her, but he couldn't even see her at this point. "you're going to hurt yourself!"

"like i care!" she snarled, and the tree shook, still growing rapidly and scraping the ceiling. "i don't give a shit about anything anymore! i'm tired, i'm tired, i'm so tired, i'm…"

she trailed off. the tree's growth slowed until it stopped completely, standing tall in the middle of the room. marvin quickly clambered over the roots to get to her, avoiding branches that swung at his face. "naomi," he said quietly as she came into view. her eyes were wide and unfocused, breathing heavily, hands hanging in the air in front of her. marvin gently took her arm and, when she didn't react, turned her from her tree and helped her sink to a part of the floor not covered in roots. "hey, hey, uh… lyssna på mig, listen to me, naomi."

"i ruined my bedroom," she whispered. staring at the floor with wet eyes. "i did that. it was my fault."

marvin stroked her hair back from her face. "hey. it's not your fault. your illness isn't your fault. you just - you have to take your medication, naomi."

she sniffled and dropped her head forwards into marvin's arms. "i'm sorry. so sorry. i'm - a skitstövel. i'm tired. i'm sorry."

she seemed to be coming down from the sudden mania rather quickly. marvin glanced up at the tree, wondering if there was a way he could fix it. he sighed shakily. "not your fault. not your fault, nai. don't say such things about yourself, we can fix this, we can fix this, ok? jag älskar dig, i love you and we can fix all this. listen to me. listen to my voice, naomi."

neither of them were sure how long they stayed they. but it was a long time before either person let go of the other.

henrik knew this had been a mistake the second he arrived at the metal gates.

first off, he wasn't sure how to get in. he assumed anti glitched through when he needed to, but henrik was clearly going to have no choice but to climb the fence. fuck, he was grateful that he'd been working out a bit more lately. even then, his arms screamed at him the whole time and he practically fell off down to the other side.

"anti!" he yelled, pushing himself to his feet and stumbling to the empty stone doorway of the abandoned waterworks. "i know you're here, asshole!"

no response. henrik obviously hadn't expected one. instead, he stepped inside, his footsteps echoing through the enormous, dim grey room. marvin had told him that hecate had already looked for anti here, but henrik knew the man far better than marvin did, whether he liked it or not. anti was here. and henrik was going to find him.

"anti!" he called again. the stairway was very narrow, the steps made of thin stone with gaps at the edges. henrik's legs felt like jelly as he climbed them, wishing there was a bannister to hold onto. "it's me, henrik. you know me. fucking unfortunately." he added this part on slightly quieter before raising his voice again. "i want to talk to you."

anti was in the first room on the top floor.

he was sitting on the ground cross legged with a silver laptop on his legs, rapidly typing one handed and leaning against the wall. his hair was pulled back in a small ponytail, a dirty yellow scarf wrapped around his neck. he barely looked up as henrik came in and stared at him, cold ice filling his veins at the sight of the man who'd kidnapped and tortured him for two whole months.

"anti," henrik said, much quieter. he winced at how his voice shook with sudden fear. he clenched his fists and tried to look more intimidating. "you're - you're not supposed to be here."

anti just kept typing. henrik frowned. "where the hell did you - where did you get that computer? are you even getting wifi up here?"

"stole it, and yeah," anti signed. one handed, again. "you forget what i am. i can do anything. or i used to be able to. i had to steal this the old fashioned way. it's funny that the only apparent aspect of my power that the red spandex bastard left me was the ability to be a walking hotspot."

henrik really didn't know what to say to that. anti finally looked up, his brown eyes dull and face ashen. "are you just going to stand there? what do you want?"

henrik's mouth opened and closed, and he took shaking breaths to try and calm himself. "i - i don't… know." his shoulders slumped, and his gaze fell to the floor. "i don't know. maybe i wanted to turn you in to hecate, maybe i wanted to kill you. i don't know."

"kill me then," anti shrugged. "i wouldn't mind. i mean, you'd be completely justified -"

"i'm not gonna stoop to your level," henrik snapped. "and - and why are you only using one hand? didn't your cast get taken off?"

anti breathed out sharply through his nose. "it did, yes. are you staying here? i'm busy."

henrik titled his head. "with what? what the hell do you do up here?"

anti's gaze bore into henrik, scrutinizing him. "you're still afraid of me, aren't you, doctor? even now. even when i'm like this, you're still genuinely afraid of me."

"i am not," henrik lied. he straightened, trying to ignore how he was trembling. the knife he still kept in his trouser cuffs felt heavy. "i could fucking kill you if i wanted. i could've killed you the day you left jack and i held the knife that you planned to use on him. you're the pathetic one here."

anti shrugged again, smirking. "sure, sure. like you -"

without warning, his body jerked, and anti's face screwed up in pain. he made several strangled noises, trying to wrap his arms around himself, but they were suddenly shaking and twitching too hard for him to. henrik stepped back as anti shoved himself away from the wall, computer falling off his lap, and pulled his knees to his chest to bury his face in.

it only lasted a moment. once it had passed, anti gave several trembling breaths, sitting up again shakily and checking his laptop to see if it had been broken. he didn't look at henrik, just tried to go back to what he was doing. henrik swallowed, considering what to say.

"how long has that been happening?" he asked. he hated how he instantly had his professional doctor voice on, gentler for dealing with patients. he shook it off and went back to his normal tone. "the seizures, i mean."

anti rolled his eyes. "my whole life? you know this already, doctor."

"i meant -" henrik groaned frustratedly and didn't finish. "whatever. if you want to be an asshole, fine by me. i'm going."

"sure you don't want to take up the offer of killing me?" anti signed. "it'd be fun, i swear."

"go to therapy, you sick fuck," henrik called as he left. he didn't bother waiting to see if anti would say anything in retaliation. he just left the building, fuming and trembling with rage. why had he even bothered to come here? what had he accomplished apart from scaring himself? maybe he should have taken anti up on his offer after all. honestly, who would miss anti or care if he died? would henrik feel guilty afterwards? why was he thinking about this?

fuck, maybe he was just tired.

marvin didn't get home until late that night.

naomi was staying with one of her sisters while a few magicians from hecate fixed her shop. the tree had, apparently been "easy enough to get rid of," according to the plant specialist who had been sent to help out, but the entire room itself had been destroyed. alice - naomi's sister - had been very kind about it all. "i'll keep a good eye on her, and let you know if anything changes," she'd said quietly when marvin had pulled her aside to see if naomi would be ok. "and i'm sorry you, uh, had to see her melt down like that. i don't think she's had an episode that bad since she was a teenager."

marvin had smiled at her reassuringly. "hey, it's cool. i've dealt with things like this before. and i care about naomi a lot, so i'm willing to do whatever i can to help her."

now, the house was dark. "hel-lo?" marvin called as he stepped inside. not a single light on anywhere that he could see. "chase? henrik?"

his mind suddenly flashed back to just a couple months prior, to coming home and finding his brothers gone, house upturned, the stench of black magic thick in the air. his heart skipped suddenly, and he tore through the kitchen to the living room to try and find them. "shit, shit - guys! chase, henrik, where are -"

then he noticed. through the living room window, he could see into the back garden, and the two people sitting on the bottom step. chase and lucas, deep in conversation. no wonder they hadn't heard him. marvin sighed, relieved, and was about to turn away when he thought wait a second and looked through one more time.

chase and lucas were very close. hands practically on top of each others. marvin couldn't hear them, but he could see them laughing warmly, huge grins on their faces. oh, ohh. the realization struck marvin.

this definitely did explain a lot. no wonder henrik had called him oblivious. marvin laughed to himself and closed the curtains again, turning on the living room light to let them know someone was home. he could worry about where henrik was later. right now, he thought he just needed to sleep.

#jacksepticeye #boop writes #marvin the magnificent #chase brody #henrik von schneeplestein #antisepticeye #lucas ross #naomi gudmundson #the fall

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ayellowcurtain · 5 years ago

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Okay! So this one needs some warnings, I guess. This is a Elu time-travel AU type of thing that I created inside my own head because I just needed to write about it. It’s very angsty, probably a little too much, but again, I wanted to write it and so I did.

There’s a brief mention of suicide thoughts, but it’s very quick and never again!

Lola is just briefly mentioned, there’s no mentioning of ages or anything, but when I wrote this, I didn’t imagine having a big difference of age between them. Lucas and Lola are basically the same age, just months apart. Eliott is two years older and a few months. I think this is it for warnings: Very angst, cheating, Alternative Universe, Lola and Eliott don’t have a big age difference between them. Yeah. If it’s not your thing, that’s totally fine and no need to read it <3

There will be more parts to this, it’s just a little too long and didn’t want to post a huge thing at once.

Time is subjective, especially for Eliott. If he wanted to, he could go back in time, go forward, but he doesn’t. For months, he thinks about his options and he doesn’t even see the days going by, stuck inside his own head, measuring every option he has and every consequence it might bring.

If he goes back, he might make everything worse. If he goes to the future, he might see that this is it, he messed up to the point of no return and that would crush him.

It might sound exaggerated, but if Eliott went to the future and saw that Lucas wasn’t with him, he didn’t see a point on living. He’s been sitting here for a long time now, going through every moment of his life, every second of every mistake he made with Lucas. After seeing everything again, Eliott is just not caring about being the right type of human being that doesn’t think about ending his time in here for now. There’s nothing to lose so fuck it!

His life, this dark mind space he’s in right now, it’s all his fault and Eliott knows it. He’s suffering the consequences of his own actions. For some reason he can’t quite understand, his heart has such a hard time settling down sometimes.

He didn’t love Lola, not even for a second. Of course not, he wanted nothing to do with her in the way he wanted Lucas from the moment he saw him for the first time. He and Lola were acquaintances at best, nothing more, but somehow, Eliott ended up kissing her because the opportunity was there. The unknown was right in front of his face, offering itself like something so magical and unique and he just needed to know what it was, how it would feel.

Eliott feels so incredibly stupid and wrong, but he’s the worse at controlling himself, making up his mind and that’s why he can’t go back either. As he’s sitting on his couch, he knows what he did was wrong, so wrong, but he can’t be sure his past self wouldn’t make it worse if he went back in time.

The situations can change when he plays with time and the moment of the kiss could happen somewhere else, away from curious and knowing eyes.

Maybe it would happen when they ran into each other at a club and Eliott kept Lola from using drugs again. Maybe when he walked her home that same night or when she appeared at his door on an afternoon when Lucas was out with his friends and she went to grab some of his old art supplies. Eliott is trying to be honest now and if he’s being honest, he can’t be sure what would happen if they kissed when they were alone.

The thought of Lucas coming home, to their first home together, to see Eliott with someone else is almost too much. Eliott gets up from the couch, feeling all his joints crack as he walks for the first time in a long time, going to the kitchen. He can’t believe he’s this fucked up in his head.

It’s a lot colder than what he remembers. He looks out the window and the snow is already pilling up on the outside of their window. The kitchen stinks! Eliott opens their fridge and everything is basically rotten, almost creating roots inside the plastic bags. There’s no real food to eat so he has to settle with some tea and old crackers. As he sits back on the couch, all the Christmas lights from the building across the street make him realize what time it is. Maybe not Christmas yet, but December, at least. Eliott spent months sitting on his couch, mourning how he ruined the only thing he ever truly cared about.

Eliott is too afraid to ruin things even more, but he can’t help but close his eyes, forgetting his tea on the coffee table, trying to picture Christmas from last year, every detail he can remember, every smell and touch.

It’s a smooth travel and he manages to do it right, to go back to the exact hour he wanted to. Lucas is asleep so he won’t ever know Eliott went back in time, nothing will change. Eliott fell asleep almost instantly that night, feeling so happy with how his life was going, Lucas had liked his gifts and he bought Eliott everything he wanted and more. Eliot had bought them matching onesies and Lucas was sleeping wearing his hedgehog one.

Eliott lets himself watch Lucas sleep for the entire night. They just had their first Christmas dinner together and Lucas was so happy that night. They didn’t really talk about it, but Eliott could tell Lucas was proud that everything went smoothly.

He doesn’t let himself stay for too long though. It makes his heart hurt too much, it turns his reality even worse. The cold flat is exactly how Lucas left that night. There’s no sign of Lucas ever living here. While they were fighting, tears constantly running down Lucas’ cheeks, he made sure to grab every piece of clothing, every picture, every object that could have his touch and he took everything with him. Eliott was completely alone like never before, sitting on his couch for one more night.

Eliott is really struggling, but he lets himself be selfish and try again. From then to Christmas, he checks every social media, every day, in search of a clue of where he can find Lucas.

“Lucas!” He screams again, looking up, not even bothered by the snow falling directly on his face. Eliott knows he’s in the right place. He should have known, but at least Arthur’s “family” posted just hours ago gave him all he needed.

Eliott screams louder and for a brief second, he sees Arthur’s face on the window, and then he’s gone again. He puts his hand against the frozen wall, helping himself to get to the entrance. It’s Christmas night and it’s freezing, but Eliott doesn’t care. He just needs to see Lucas and talk to him, at least try it one more time.

The light on the hall turns on, telling him that someone is coming, he tries to stand on his own, fix his hair the best he can and then he recognizes Lucas. By the height and the most beautiful hair. Lucas finally opens the door and walks outside, hugging himself, unlocking the gate.

Eliott steps closer, sighing in relief, his frozen hands melt as soon as he touches Lucas’ cheeks, trying to kiss him, but Lucas’ hand comes to his chest faster, keeping him at arm’s lenght, creating a distance between them.

“You’re drunk.” Lucas whispers and Eliott can’t really pick if he’s angry or disappointed or sad...

“We’ve kissed while drunk before.” Eliott tries to kiss him again, but Lucas pushes him away, very gently, at least based on what Eliott was expecting Lucas would do.

“We’re not together, Eliott. Go home, it’s fucking Christmas.”

“I don’t give a shit about Christmas, Lucas! I just need you to forgive me.” He sees Lucas as a halo, moving around way too quickly for Eliott’s eyes to focus, but leaving a trace behind, like a picture when it’s double exposed. Lucas is on his phone, but he holds Eliott close, helping him stand without leaning against the wall.

Lucas doesn’t look at him, barely even acknowledges that’s Eliott there, the love of all his lives. “We’re not together, Eliott. There’s nothing to forgive.”

“Yes, there is! You know there is. I made a mistake and I’m here to ask for forgiveness again.” Eliott buries his head against Lucas’ neck. He still smells the same, his skin is still warm, smooth and so inviting.

“Stop...stop, Eliott,” Lucas whispers patiently, not even flinching when before a single neck kiss could break all of his walls.

There’s a car parking in front of them, Lucas opens the door and Eliott kind of slips inside, lying in the back seat. He tells someone the address and Eliott tries to hold his shirt, pull him inside the car with him. Lucas still knows their address.

“Lucas...please!” He says the last word louder, almost begging, but doesn’t have the strength or balance to sit fast enough.

“Go home, ok? Drink some water, take a warm shower. We’ll talk later.” Lucas is at the door but feels miles away.

The door is slammed close and the car is moving with no Lucas inside.

#skam france #elu fic #Lucas Lallemant #eliott demaury #elu

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msjr0119 · 5 years ago

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Forgive me

Epilogue- Part 1

Series includes suicide and abuse.

Based on true events but using TRR characters who are owned by Pixelberry.

Warnings: Slight swearing, fluff 🥰

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @lauradowning29 @jared2612

This is part 1 to the epilogue of this series, it was far too long for one chapter. Part 2 will posted this time tomorrow. This series was based a few things on the unexpected death of not only my colleague but my friend. We didn’t realise that he had taken his own life until three months after his passing- we wouldn’t have known today- we only knew as our colleague attended a conference and they did a memorial service for him. He was homosexual- only his brother, close friends and colleagues knew. He lived two lives, one with his partner and their pet huskies, and the other with his ‘fake’ wife and daughter (for appearances) RIP Shabs 🥰

I went rogue with this series as it was very emotional writing parts that never got published due to me going rogue. Thank you to everyone who has liked this series as a Drake Stan it’s always hard doing Riam - love you all 😘

*****

After their first night as a newly engaged couple- the king and new Queen to be of Cordonia, Riley slowly fluttered her baby blues open and immediately scrutinised the room for Liam- but he was nowhere to be seen. Assuming he was in the bathroom, she took a moment to admire the diamond on the ring finger on her left hand. Reality hadn’t really sunk in. Hearing the door open, she quickly pulled up the silk bedding to cover up her naked body.

“Morning love. How are you?”

“Where have you been?” Not meaning to sound rude, but she would have appreciated a wake up call from her fiancée before he decided to go awol.

“I thought I’d leave you to have a lie in, I picked Lucas up. I thought before we return to Cordonia, we could do something just the three of us?” Liam slipped into bed with her, as the both of them snuggled into her embrace.

“What do you want to do?”

“Museum of Natural History?” Riley nodded, she wasn’t that interested in museums or any sightseeing in New York as she had lived there her whole life- but she knew that she couldn’t refuse a King’s suggestion of a family day out.

*****

A month after their engagement and their return to Cordonia, the weeks were hectic and busy to say the least. The press and the people were thrilled that their king was finally marrying- and had all accepted the that their new Queen was the crown princes mother. Over the last few weeks, Olivia and Hana had grown close to Riley. Riley was nervous spending time with Olivia especially- considering the last encounter that they had in the bar.

“Good morning. How’s the blushing bride?” Riley stared at her reflection vacantly, she knew that this day was coming- but nerves were kicking in. Olivia had kept her make up to a minimal, she knew that there would be tears -so didn’t want to have to redo it all. Hana had delicately placed her brown natural curly locks neatly into chignon with loose curls hanging at either side. Natural instinct was to feel the ivory lace dress that featured off-shoulder sleeves and a subtle neckline. The dress was accompanied by a short train - which was unusual for royal dresses. In her own trace, she heard Drake in the background but didn’t acknowledge him.

“Earth to Riley.” Drake shouted, attempting to gain her attention. Shaking her head, that was all she needed to snap out of her distant mind.

“Sorry Drake.”

“Don’t tell me that you are nervous? You are getting the second chance at being royal- pretty selfish I’d say.” Drake said in a sarcastic manner whilst winking, Riley laughed at her closest friend attempting to cheer up.

“Can you keep a secret? Unless Ella has already told you that is, I know how you tell each other everything.”

“She hasn’t told me anything. What’s up?”

“If I tell you, you can’t tell Liam. I need to tell him before we say I do.”

*****

Drake met Liam at the Cathedral, giving a slight nod to all the guests that he passed. The King was pacing up and down, but still was able to use his stoic expression. Drake pulled out his hip flask, providing his best friend with that smirk along with the knowing look- Liam was grateful and sneakily took a swig.

“Liam, she looks beautiful. You lucky son of a bitch. Don’t screw anything up. She’s nervous too.”

“That’s why I’m nervous. What if she thinks this is a big mistake? She hasn’t chosen anyone to walk her down the aisle- Maxwell had offered but she refused.”

“She’s a strong independent woman, she’s got El, Liv and Hana with her. They even offered to walk her down. Don’t worry.” Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, Liam pulled Drake in for a ‘bromance’ hug- thank you Drake.

*****

The bridal party, were ready to leave in the carriage- Riley had photos taken of her and Lucas. As well as photos with her bridesmaids. She had decided to go against traditional protocol and had decided to walk down the aisle with her son.

The three women made it to the end of the aisle, Liam had wondered where Lucas was- then realisation hit as to why Riley refused to have anyone ‘give her away’. “Lucas, she’s walking down the aisle with him.” He whispered to his best man- Drake smirked, already knowing but he wasn’t going to say anything. Regina was preparing herself to officiate the marriage- still feeling guilt ridden from the past actions made by her deceased husband, she knew that Liam was the only family she had now, along with Madeleine and Adelaide. Quickly leaving her position she knew she had a few moments before Riley was due to walk in.

“Liam, are you ready?”

“Yes, thank you Regina.” Holding him close to her, she smiled softly.

“Your bride is ready, but I just wanted to be quick and explain how proud I am of the man you have become Liam, your father truly did regret how he treat Leo and Riley. He would have loved to make amends properly and be here today, I hope you can forgive him. Also before I return, I was hoping to have a word with the two of you.”

“Regina, I will forgive him. But can you please just get me married. What is up? Why do you need to speak to myself and Drake? Can it not wait?” Drake had an inkling regarding what Regina was about to say- he couldn’t be bothered waiting for Regina to pussy foot around the situation so interrupted rather abruptly. He knew that Liam was just eager to marry the love of his life.

“Regina, I already know about what you are going to tell us, my mom explained everything.” Liam looked at Drake confused, his eyes pleaded with the two of them to quickly tell him what they was hiding from him.

“Li, there were rumours.... speculations about the possibility that Constantine could be my father also. My mom and him had an affair, whilst my father and Eleanor were suspected of having an affair as they were ‘sneaking around’. The reason I didn’t tell you, is because none of it matters- I am Jackson Walkers son I’m not a noble and I wouldn’t have wanted to be. Forget about it. Let’s get you married!”

Liam was about to respond, to this new bombshell, however the music began to play- Regina resumed her position as the guests stood from their seats slowly- awaiting for a glimpse of their new Queen.

*****

Riley took a deep breath, bending down to Lucas’s level- she kissed him on the forehead and gave him a big tight squeeze.

“Just you and I my little prince. You are so handsome like your two daddies.”

“You look breathtaking, and you’re right there- he’s going to be a heartbreaker.” Riley smiled as she realised she wasn’t alone with Lucas, slowly standing up- she turned around to where the voice was coming from.

“What are you doing here?”

“You can’t walk down the aisle on your own with just Lucas. I’d be honoured if you’d allow me to walk you both down- to give you both away.”

“I’d love you to.”

“Come on then, let’s make you the Queen that Liam and Cordonia deserve.” Riley stood at the left side of Lucas, holding his hand- whilst he stood at the other side taking the young princes other hand.

Slowly walking down the aisle, everyone smiled fondly at Riley and believed that Lucas was adorable.

“Keep looking forward. I see two very handsome men at the end of the ‘path’. I bet you never believed this would happen.”

“No, I was just a waitress in a dive bar in a different country. Fairytales really do happen- when you believe.”

“Look at Madeleine’s and Adelaide’s fake smiles. Hypocrites. They’ll be so jealous, karma for them really.” He snarled as Riley held in the laugher. Drake stepped forward as Liam’s best man, offering her a wink and smile.

“Hello Mr Walker! Are you sure you want to marry Liam?” Riley’s eyebrows shot up- in shock about what had just been said- before finally fixing her face into a smile for Drake. “I’m only joking! No need to look like that, I’m so proud of you, you are the strongest and most selfless person I’ve ever met Riley Brooks. You are going to make the most perfect Queen, wife and mother. I believe my time is up. I love you and Lucas with all of my heart- Liam will protect you both, I’ll pop in every so often to check on you all. It’s not a goodbye it’s a see you soon.” Riley felt the coldness, kiss her on the cheek.

“Continue making me proud, don’t either of you forget about me. By the way, I overheard your conversation with Mr hotness- your secrets safe with me. Now I’m going to take a seat next to Rob- can spirits cry? At least you’ve not been drinking before this wedding- our gunshot wedding was hilarious. But I loved every minute of it. I love you.”

“I love you too Leo.” She whispered, holding back the tears- attempting to not ruin Olivia’s make up. Turning her head towards where Rob was sat, she saw Leo’s figure rather than just hear his voice- he smirked and blew them a kiss.

“You look... Wow. You look beautiful Riley.” Liam couldn’t take his eyes off Riley, his heart felt as if it was skipping beats. You lucky son of bitch- Drake’s words kept roaming through his mind. Feeling grateful for his friends ‘dragging’ him to New York for his bachelor party- he had never believed that he could potentially marry for love. If he could have predicted his future- he wouldn’t have believed it, not until now.

“You look very regal and handsome Liam, my king- but I do need to speak to you before we do our vows.” Liam’s heart sunk, he couldn’t figure her out- she didn’t seem as if she was about to ditch him at the alter.

“Can you undo Lucas’s jacket for me Liam? Is it me or is it getting a bit warm in here?” Liam looked at her with a perplexed expression- as did the rest of the guests apart from Drake. Bending down, Liam ‘high-fived’ his step son and did what Riley had asked him to. Liam stared at the words printed on the princes shirt, not knowing how long he had been re-reading the words, it was all trying to sink in- before whispering the words.

“My role as an only child will soon come to an end because my mommy is due with my new best friend. You’re... you’re.. we’re...”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #drakewalker #riley brooks #olivia nevrakis #hanalee #liam rhys #liam x riley #leo rhys #liam x mc #trr forgive me lucas rhys #trr forgive me #trr fanfic

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imaginarybird · 5 years ago

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Unwilling and unable to face everyone on her own when it comes time to attend Auggie and Ava’s wedding, Riley Matthews hires a solution in Lucas Friar. Loosely based on The Wedding Date.

Part One // Part Two // Part Three // Part Four // Part Five // Part Six // Part Seven // Part Eight // Part Nine

Rating: Around a PG 13/14

Notes: Well, I’d apologize how long it took to get this done and promise never to do it again but I think we all know it’s entirely possible given my track record. But I promise that I’m never gonna abandon the fic until it’s done so you will get an ending eventually.

Continuing over from last chapter is a blanket content/trigger warning for some non-graphic, veiled references to depression/suicide/death.

In this chapter, an explanation is given.

page break since they took the function away wtf tumblr

“I wanna see what Claire can do.”

“I can’t do anything.”

“Now, everybody can do something.”

Lucas gets back to their room at the bed and breakfast about an hour after leaving the restaurant, and finds Riley curled up on the bed in a nest of blankets and pillows and watching The Breakfast Club on her laptop.

His first instinct after realizing that Riley had fled from the disaster of a party had been to try and call her cell phone, but that instinct had been proven faulty when, with one phone ringing up against his ear, Lucas had felt a second phone buzzing in the pocket of his khakis and remembered that Riley had asked him to hold onto hers due to a lack of pockets in her dress. She hadn’t retrieved the car from the valet and kids working there had insisted that they hadn’t seen her since they had dropped off the car at the start of the night (and Lucas had had plenty of time to ask around in the twenty minutes it had taken to retrieve the vehicle). With no way of reaching his client and no idea of where she might go aside from their hotel, he’d had no choice but to make the drive back and hope that she was already there or at the very least was safe wherever she ended up.

Finding her back in the room, safe and not completely devastated is a relief. He doesn’t know when exactly she decided to run or how much of Eric’s revelations she had heard, but he had been more than a little worried that the violation of her trust and humiliation would have been enough to do her in, regardless of the strides she had seemingly been making earlier in the day (and given exactly what Eric divulged the most irrational parts of Lucas’ brain had been busy visualizing exactly what he might find if it had for the entire ride home). Actually seeing her helps Lucas to breathe again.

Seeing her watching one of his favorite movies leaves him feeling a bit more even-footed with where she stands and how he might be able to be there for her moving forward.

The Breakfast Club has always been the visual equivalent of comfort food for Lucas--with just the right balance of humor and drama and everything else to not be too much no matter what mood he’s in, and helping him even things out and return to zero when he needs to. That Riley had gone back to the room and set to watching it after the night she had had leads him to believe that it holds a similar place in her heart. Just one more thing they seem to have in common.

She’s further in the movie than should be possible, but he reasons that she might have skipped ahead to a part that she wanted to watch.

He does that sometimes too.

Lucas kicks off his shoes at the door, only speaking when he’s seen her eyes on him so he knows he’s not starling her. “You made it back safe?”

She glances down, blushing. “I ran down the street a bit to a bar and had them call me a cab.” She discloses softly. Her voice is strained, giving away that there had at least been some tears in the hour since they’ve seen each other. “I had some cash in my bra to pay them, and the manager here let me back into the room. I’m sorry I left.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice to come with you.” Lucas crosses the room, sitting on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t want to invade Riley’s space, particularly when he knows she’s feeling vulnerable, but he doesn’t want to talk from across the room either. Apologies shouldn’t come from a distance. Not if you mean them. “I let my curiosity get the better of me and I got distracted from what was really important.”

“No one with a pulse could look away from that fiasco.” Riley shakes her head, dismissing the amends. She pushes away from her makeshift nest and sits up. She’s still dressed for the party.“I needed to be alone for a little while anyway.”

Given that it’s barely been an hour (less really if he factors in the time she spent getting back to the bed and breakfast) Lucas considers offering to go out and let her have her space for a while longer. It’s not that late and there are plenty of restaurants and bars in the area that stay open well into the night. Hell, he’d be happy just going to swim some laps somewhere and working out some of his own angry energy, vacillating under the surface over the damage that Riley’s so-called family have managed to cause her. If Riley needs time by herself, it would be easy to give it to her.

“Do you want me to--,”

“Do you think it’s true?” Riley interrupts him.

Her question comes in a soft, uncertain tone that doesn’t seem like a good fit on her to Lucas, and he realizes quickly that he’s not sure what she’s asking about; Cory and Eric had made a lot of claims while shouting at each other--any one of them might make her question things when she’s already vulnerable. “Do I think what’s true?”

“What they’re talking about…” She casts her eyes back to the laptop.

“It’s unavoidable. It just happens.”

“What happens?”

“When you grow up, your heart dies.”

“Do we all just...lose our ability to love and become our parents? Is that what’s waiting for us?”

OK. So maybe The Breakfast Club isn’t always the best choice for a movie.

Lucas has always just found it comforting to see a group of kids he could really relate to opening up and being honest and finding small ways to buck at the system that’s strangling them, and he’s never gone down the path of wondering if there’s any truth to the cyclical nature of the world the characters are worried about.; since giving up on trying to please his family he’s been so certain that he’ll find a way to be better than them that he hasn’t had to. But for Riley--who had, as best as Lucas can discern, experienced her parents’ transition from loving and caring to conditional and dismissive--becoming some version of her parents is a very real fear. Of course it would be.

He leans across her to press the spacebar and pause the movie, lest they go further down the existential rabbit hole (not to mention, he knows what confession is coming up and while he can’t be sure if what Eric let slip about Riley’s state of mind when she left her family is true, Lucas hardly thinks an extra reminder on the subject will be helpful either way). “Riley,” he says as he draws back, “I’ve spent the last week wondering how outside of appearance you could possibly be related to your parents. Believe me, you’re nothing like them.”

“They never used to be like them either. I mean...when I was little, they were great. It’s just that the older I got...I didn’t need them in the same way and they didn’t understand me and they just...stopped trying. They drifted further and further, and put their focus on the people they thought needed it more. And then when I stopped following their plans and making the choices they thought were best for me...it was like I stopped being their daughter at all. I was just...the disappointment who shared their DNA.”

Riley tears her eyes away from the frozen movie. She only glances at him before looking down at her fidgeting hands, but it’s just long enough for Lucas to see the pain she’s grappling with.

“Lucas, the idea that one day I might hurt someone like that, that I might do that to my child...It’s terrifying.”

“If there is one thing I am 100% certain about all of this, it’s that you are in no way capable of being that awful to someone.” Lucas can’t entirely explain his confidence given that he’s only been around for a few days to observe her, but he knows--just knows-- that Riley’s not the sort of person who could hurt someone the way her family has hurt her. Even unintentionally. He doesn’t believe for a second that she has enough malice in her heart to treat anyone that poorly and he can’t bear the thought of her spending any time whatsoever doubting and torturing herself over something that could never happen. “You are, without question, a bigger and better person than the people who raised you.”

“You can’t possibly know that.”

“Of course I can. Do you think for one second that if the situation were different, and your parents had to walk into a lion’s den like this that they could show up with a smile on their face and not cause a scene? Do you think they’d bother to show up at all?”

“I only came back because Auggie asked me to.” Riley shakes her head in protest. “That doesn’t make me better than them.”

Lucas lays a hand on top of hers, partly to reassure her that he’s not buying into her argument, and partly to ground himself; he’s here with Riley and helping her and as long as that’s the case, he doesn’t have to, and in fact can’t, give into his anger over the self-doubts her family has caused. “You came back for Auggie, even though you knew dealing with just about everyone else would be awful, because he’s your brother and you love him and you would have felt terrible letting him down. In a similar position, would your parents have made the same sacrifice? Would Josh and Maya? Or anyone else here?”

Riley doesn’t give him an answer.

“That’s what makes you better than them. You’re here in an impossibly difficult situation, standing tall in the face of all this...shit being thrown at you and barely sending a single angry word back, even though some of these people really deserve it. You are so strong and open and caring...There’s not a doubt in my mind that it would be impossible for you to turn into your parents, even if you wanted to.”

“I wish I had your confidence.”

Lucas takes in everything--Riley’s softness and the way her eyes flick down to their joined hands and her teeth worrying at the corner of her lip--and he feels his heart clench. It hadn’t taken him long after meeting her for Lucas to realize just how much Riley really had going for her, leaving him wondering why she needed to use an escort like him the first place, but the more he’s gotten to know her, the more painfully obvious it’s become that she just doesn’t see the same strengths in herself that he can see in her.

He brushes his thumb across the back of her hand, pressing down gently. “Riley, do you trust me?”

“Of course I trust you.”

Riley’s gentle smile and forehead crinkled ever-so-slightly in confusion plow into Lucas and it’s all he can do to keep himself from closing the short distance between them and drawing her into another kiss. It’s not the time, Friar. She’s had a roller coaster of a night and she doesn’t need your feelings mucking it up even more. Besides, she’s a client. Whatever you think is there, it’s not. He settles for fully taking his hand in his and squeezing. “Then trust that I’m telling you the truth and that I’m seeing the best in you, even when you can’t.”

Riley’s eyes slide closed. She takes a deep, controlled breath, her head tilting backwards as she exhales, shaking her head ever so slightly.

“What’s wrong?” Lucas frowns. He’s not sure what reaction he was expecting, but this isn’t it. Riley seems almost pained.

“People don’t say things like that.” Riley says. She brings her head back down, opening wet eyes to look at him again. Thumbing at the tears that are threatening to spill over, she looks away just as quickly, her gaze landing on her lap. “Not to me.”

Lucas doesn’t think about what he’s doing. He just wants Riley to look at him. To understand that these aren’t just lines he says to any old client. That he 100% means what he’s saying.

He reaches over with his free hand, easing Riley’s chin up with the knuckle of his bent finger. “Then you haven’t been talking to the right people.”

Riley’s eyes go wide, but she doesn’t blink. Her jaw twitches, but she doesn’t open her mouth. Whatever response is lying in wait on her tongue, she swallows around it.

“Riley, you are...extraordinary.” Lucas says, his hand still hovering just beneath her chin. “And I don’t understand how nobody here sees it, or why the people in your life aren’t tripping over themselves every day to tell you, but you are. You have to believe that you are.”

Riley blinks. Her eyes flick down, then lock on his. She doesn’t speak. Several moments pass.

“I know it’s not-,”

“They all think I’m selfish. Self-centered.” Riley blurts out. She ducks away from his hand, pulling her own arm back. “Half the time I think they’re right.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

Riley speaks after taking a deep breath. “I met Charlie Gardner in preschool. And even back then he was a charmer.”

“Momma! Daddy! Come meet Char-lee!” Riley runs to meet her parents at the door of the classroom. It’s not every day that she gets to have both of her parents at the same time--they both have a lot of responsibilities (her dad told her that was a grown-up word for doing things you don’t like instead of what you really want to be doing)--but today was her first day of preschool so it was special. She has so much to tell them about her day about all of the games they played and nap time and the snacks, but most of all she wants them to meet Charlie.

She grabs onto their hands and pulls them across the room, almost running into a partially constructed block tower and stumbling a little over an abandoned doll to the small table in the corner where she and Charlie have been coloring.

“Char-lee, this is my mom and my dad. I call them momma and daddy, but they’re not your parents, so you can just call them their names. Cor-ee and Tuh-pan-guh.”

Charlie stops his drawing and holds out his hand “‘S nice to meet you.”

“And it’s lovely to meet you.” Her mom shakes his hand with a smile.

Riley grins back. “Momma, Daddy, this is my boyfriend Char-lee.”

“Your what now?”

“Mr. Cory,” Charlie turns to her dad with a serious expression on his face, “when Riley is a grown-up lady, can I marry her?” “Sounds familiar.” Lucas comments when Riley reaches an obvious break in her story.

Riley nods. “Everyone thinks so. Charlie and I ‘dated’,” and here she puts finger quotes, “through kindergarten, when his parents got divorced and he moved with his mom out of the city. I missed him a lot, but it wasn’t long before I had plenty to distract me.”

It’s the first recess on the first day of first grade and Riley’s enjoying herself, picking some of the flowers growing at the edge of the playground fence. Most of her class is over on the blacktop playing a game of tag, or taking turns on the swingset, but no one had asked her to join them. She doesn’t really mind. She and Charlie hadn’t played a lot with the rest of the class last year so it’s not like she’s missing anything, and she’s used to making her own fun.

“Reminiscin’ this and that and havin’ such a good time,

“Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day.”

She skips along, plucking a flower every few steps and singing a song from one of her favorite movies., not a care in the world. Then a little down the ways she spots another girl, blonde, with messy pigtail braids and scruffy pink jeans, climbing around the monkey bars by herself. Riley doesn’t think she’s ever seen her before.

A new girl playing by herself who doesn’t even look like she’s having fun? That’s just not right.

Riley bounds over to the monkey bars, and when the blonde swings down to the ground, Riley grins and thrusts her makeshift bouquet into her face. “Hi, I’m Riley! I brought you these.”

The girl blinks at Riley, looks down at the flowers as she takes them from Riley’s outstretched hand, and back at Riley before she smiles. She’s missing a tooth. “Maya Penelope Hart.”

“Maya and I were fast friends.” Riley pulls her knees up to her chest, looping her arms around them and resting her chin. “Inseparable. By Christmas she was like one of the family. If I did something Maya was there, and if Maya did something… well most of the time I was trying to stop her or getting dragged along for the ride.”

“Bit of troublemaker?”

“No. I mean….yeah, she did a lot of stupid stuff and had attitude that could power a small city if science could figure out how to convert it. Still does, from what I can tell. But really she was just a kid whose family didn’t have a lot of money and whose parents didn’t get along all that well and then her dad just up and left one day...she was angry and hurt and decided that if she made herself tough enough nothing else would hurt her.

“She had her problems but everyone does. And I was brought up that friendship means sticking with a person and setting an example. Giving and doing everything you could to help them grow into a better version of themselves.”

An admirable standard, Lucas thinks, but a lot to lay across the shoulders of a kid. Especially one with an already open heart. “That sounds like a lot to live up to.”

“It was. But it didn’t always feel like it. It just felt like... I had a best friend.”

“What’s your favorite color?”

Riley looks at Maya across the lunch table; all day her friend has been asking these sorts of questions --favorite animal, favorite tv show, favorite tv character--and Riley can’t figure out why, all of a sudden, after three months of friendship Maya is curious about that sort of thing. “Oh, I like every color.”

Maya shakes her head. “Yeah, but if you had to pick one. Or maybe two. Three tops.”

“Hmm…” Riley considers the options carefully. Favorite colors are no joking matter. “Blue. And red. And purple!”

“Interesting. Very interesting.”

A week later, at Riley’s birthday lunch, Maya hands her what used to be a plain white envelope, but that has been decorated with Maya’s somewhat familiar art style and is covered with cats and bunnies and flowers. Riley opens the envelope very carefully to preserve the art (much to Maya’s impatience) and finds a braided bracelet.

A friendship bracelet. Like Riley’s seen some of the older girls at school exchange. It’s her favorite gift of the day.

Lucas shifts so he’s sitting next to Riley on the bed, feet up and off the floor; this is shaping up to be a lengthy conversation and he wants to be comfortable for it. “It sounds like you were really close.”

“Thunder and Lightning, that was us.” Riley confirms. “We never really had a big friend group but we always had each other, and it was all we needed. My family loved her and welcomed her with open arms even when she was getting into trouble… They all liked to say that she was the Shawn to my Cory.”

It shouldn’t surprise Lucas to hear the comparison--to have it officially confirmed that people were laying the weight of not one extraordinary, one in a million, relationship across Riley’s shoulders, but two--yet it somehow still leaves him stunned. Most of the adults he knows can’t handle living in the shadow of something like that, and she’s been dealing with it for over twenty years...And from all sides it seems like. “From what you told me that’s an impossible standard.”

“I was little and it was the story I had been told all my life. I just...thought I was lucky.” Riley shakes her head. “That I had such great examples in my parents and had found a good person so I was able to build a friendship as great as my dad and Shawn’s, and I’d keep it as long as I put the work in.”

But something went wrong along the way. Obviously. Riley would almost certainly rather get a root canal than deal with Maya and the barbs Maya sends her way are far from the light teasing of a best friend, even distanced by time. She’s been downright hostile, and those on Riley’s side like Auggie and Eric are more than happy to return the favor. “So what changed?”

“For a long time, nothing. Maya and I were best friends. In middle school Charlie’s mom got remarried and he ended up back in the city at our school and it was like he’d never been gone. We got back together and everything was perfect.”

The parallels now are more than blatant and Lucas can see where the next bit of pressure will come in, but Riley keeps talking so he doesn’t get a chance to say anything.

“I had my Shawn in Maya, my Topanga in Charlie.... I even had my own Minkus in Farkle.”

The names click together in Lucas’ mind. “Wait. That was really Farkle Minkus belting out Queen back there?” He had, of course, thought that the impossibly skinny man he had caught glimpses of on the stage while trying to help Eric and Shawn wrangle Cory looked familiar, but had dismissed his idea as a trick of the eye and mistaken identity. After all, why would the heir to one of the world’s richest and most innovative technology companies be at a party for a comparatively small wedding in Cape Cod?

“His parents went to school with mine. And then he went to school with me. Auggie’s not super close with him or anything but they were always friendly and our families our close enough to merit an obligation invite. And apparently an obligation attendee.” From the rain clouds in Riley’s eyes that seem to shift and darken with her explanation, Lucas ascertains that there are likely problems between her and Farkle as well, though perhaps not quite as contentious as those with Maya or her family. “Anyway, he was one of our little group of misfits. Farkle, Maya, Charlie, and me.

“For a couple years, the four of us did everything together. Maya and I were best friends, Charlie really helped Farkle come out of his shell, I think we all helped Maya grow into a more hopeful, happier person... and Charlie and I were in love. At least, as much as you can be at that age.” Riley stops talking, casting her eyes down.

It doesn’t take a genius to see that the story is about to take the turn that truly starts the trouble; all the seeds have been planted, all they need is a good rainstorm to sprout up into a craptastic garden of problems. Lucas prompts her softly when she doesn’t restart her story. “Then what happened?”

Riley looks up, with an expression that Lucas can’t quite read on her face. “Maya’s world crashed down.”

It takes Riley a moment to notice the persistent tapping at her window. She’s half asleep, having gone to bed nearly twenty minutes ago, but when her brain finally registers the sound her eyes snap open. Her parents insist that she keeps her bay window locked at night, and her friends normally respect the curfew, but it is their preferred entrance to the apartment so she knows if someone is showing up late at night, something major has happened.

Sure enough, in the glow of her novelty bunny night light, she can just make out Maya on the other side of the glass. Riley’s out of bed, unlocking the window in an instant.

“Maya--,”

“Can I stay here for a while?” Maya cuts her off, blowing past her as she crawls through the window to. She quickly stands and starts to pace at the foot of the bed.

“Of course.” Riley nods, trying to keep track of Maya’s whirlwind pace. Her friend doesn’t have a bag with her, which makes her think that she decided to leave her place suddenly, and a part of her wonders if Maya had bothered to let Katy know that she was leaving, let alone where she was going. “You know you’re always welcome here. But why? I thought tonight was the night.”

Maya stops in her tracks, facing away from Riley. “Shawn said no. Mom asked, and he said no and they broke up.” She turns around, her face scrunching up as she tries and fails to contain her tears. “My mom and Shawn broke up.”

“Wait.” Lucas blinks, trying and not quite managing to process the information. “Are you talking about your dad’s Shawn? He dated Maya’s mom?”

Riley seems to consider her answer for a brief moment. “Shawn and Maya have a lot in common. When they met he connected with her right away. I think he probably saw himself--who he was when he was a kid--in her and wanted to help her see that things could get so much better than what she was feeling. Hanging around more to be there for that led to him meeting Katy and after a little bit of contention, there were sparks, so they started dating. But…”

“But?” Lucas probes. It takes him a brief study of her face as he waits for her to continue to realize that her careful consideration of her words isn’t reticence to share on the subject, but her thinking about all of the past events and relationships, probably applying a mature and further outside perspective than she could have managed as a teen.

“But while Katy was falling in love with one of the first stand-up guys to walk into her and Maya’s life, and Maya was starting to think of Shawn as her dad and that she and her mom were gonna get a happy ending and have a family, Shawn was...I think he was enjoying being the hero and the mentor. Not a lot of people have ever looked at him like that. And when we were sophomores and Katy asked him to move in, he realized that they were on separate pages, and he couldn’t stay in the relationship. He said no and broke things off to do the right thing.”

Ouch. Lucas has been on both sides of that break up before and it’s not a good place. You either feel like a moron for not being able to read your partner and see what they’re feeling, or like a grade-A jerk for being the one to break their heart; he can’t imagine being a kid who thought they were getting a family out of it all and finding out that that was never really in the cards. “I’m guessing Maya didn’t see things that way.”

“No she didn’t.” Riley shakes her head. “And the fallout was bad.”

“You gave Maya an F on her term paper?!” Riley storms into her dad’s classroom just after school lets out, unable to control her disbelief and anger after her friend had sullenly begged out of their afternoon plans, apparently due to her mother grounding her via text after Riley’s dad had called to give her an update on Maya’s latest school troubles. “And a week of in-school suspension?! You know yours is one of the only classes that she even bothers to try in anymore and if you fail her she’s--,”

“I gave Maya an incomplete,” her father corrects, the picture of calm as he puts down his pen on top of the quizzes he’s grading and removes his reading glasses, “because she turned in an essay that she bought online that I’ve already read three times this year from other kids. And instead of turning her into the Honor Committee like I did the other students , I gave her the in-school suspension to serve in the library to give her the opportunity to write the paper properly and get an actual grade on it.”

“Maya wouldn’t--,” Riley stops herself this time. Because she knows her protest would be a lie. The Maya from last year, or even just three months ago wouldn’t have considered cheating and buying an essay , but the Maya that’s been showing her face with increasing frequency lately almost certainly would. She sighs, feeling her ire rush out of her chest in a flood.

Maya had been steadily improving since middle school. Trying hard in all of her classes, building a good relationship with her mom, talking about paths she might take after school--some of which even included attending college.

But ever since Katy and Shawn broke up, it’s like Maya’s forgotten every bit of growth she’s made. She’s rebuilt her tough shell and attitude in record time, shutting everyone but Riley out (and sometimes even her). She’s skipping out on homework and classes, and Riley knows a few people have said that she’s been starting to circle around some of the school’s most notorious burnouts… Nothing Riley has tried has gotten through to her, and she knows everyone’s waiting for things to go back to normal. For her to get things back to normal.

“Dad, I don't know what to do. I don’t know how to help her.”

Her dad leans back in his chair. “Riley, you know how hard it is for people like Maya and Shawn to admit that they want something, and then to have hope dangled in front of her only to have it snatched away...that’s not easy to deal with. She’s hurting in a big way, and it’s not going to disappear overnight.”

“But I’m her best friend! I know I can’t make it all go away but it’s my job to make sure she gets through it.”

“She needs to see that even though she didn’t get this, that doesn’t mean she’ll never get anything she wants.” Her dad advises. “You need to give her a win.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Lucas blinks, shaking his head in disbelief, convinced that he can’t possibly have heard Riley right. Because there’s no way that a grown man--a teacher--Riley’s father had actually told her it was her job to make her friend’s dreams come true so she would get back onto the straight and narrow; that’s just not what people do.

Riley repeats Cory’s recommendation.

“That is...wow.” Lucas just manages to stop the first word that comes to mind, that word being insane, from coming right out of his mouth and casting too much judgement over the situation. Riley’s affect hasn’t changed much from that of a mostly neutral storyteller thus far and it’s hard to read how she feels about what her dad had advised her to do. Given that she’s choosing to trust him and open up (and hadn’t she said something about only a couple of people having heard the whole story?) the last thing he wants is to do or say anything that will make her regret or rethink the decision. “I mean, maybe my perspective is a little skewed since my dad would have given me the exact opposite advice and tell me to cut all ties if I had a friend acting like that but…”

“It’s OK if you want to say it’s crazy.” Riley says. She pushes herself off the bed and heads over to her suitcase, continuing to speak as she opens it and digs through its contents. “It is crazy. No reasonable person puts the burden of one person’s happiness and success on their sixteen-year-old’s ability to make that person’s life magically come together.”

“I mean....it’s not great.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not how I saw it back then. I just tried everything I could to keep Maya afloat and find out what she wanted so I could find a way to give it to her. I dragged Farkle and Charlie into it too.”

“It sounds like it took a while.”

Pajamas in hand, Riley crosses to the bathroom and steps inside, though she leaves the door cracked and continues talking as she changes. “Til August before junior year.” She confirms. “Our class went on this team-building hiking trip thing right before school started.”

It’s not the best start to junior year. Oh, the hiking trip at Mount Sun was supposed to be all fun and games, a nice way for the class to have one last weekend of fun before the stress of AP courses and college prep kicks in. But that’s not how it’s worked out so far.

For one thing, it’s hard to have too much fun when both of your parents are there to chaperone. Not that she doesn’t love them and love spending time with them, but the trip was supposed to be her opportunity to have a few days away from the constant prodding about how she’s doing on the Maya front (and maybe actually get to sit down with Maya, who has been dodging her for most of the summer, and have a real talk about what’s going on with her) not to mention a chance for her and Charlie to catch up after a month of Skype dates while he went out of the city to visit his dad.

Neither is very easy with her parents hovering.

And her plans only get further dashed when, while bringing her bag upstairs to her assigned room, Riley had tripped and wrenched her knee on the steps, leaving her unable to participate in all of the planned activities. Instead she’s been laid up with ice packs in the window seat of the lobby, watching her friends and classmates complete trust exercises in the front yard, chatting with lodge employees, and reading once her class had moved on to other activities.

It’s not the fun weekend she’d been looking forward to, although it improves a little when everyone returns to the lodge for dinner and even more when the chaperones make themselves scarce from the game room (and Riley’s trying very hard to pretend she did not hear her parents talking about making use of the lodge hot tub) and a fairly large game of truth or dare gets underway.

Truth or dare is by no means her favorite party game, but if it lets her actually spend some time with her friends and not sit around by her lonesome, Riley is more than willing to dive in.

“Truth.” Even if diving in means being at the mercy of Missy Bradford and her devious little smirk.

“Did you and Charlie send each other any special pictures while he was away this summer?”

Riley refuses to blush at the implication. “Charlie and I don’t need to resort to sex to feel close to each other, if that’s what you’re implying.” From next to her, Charlie rests his hand on top of hers.

“So that’s a no.”

“Not everyone has to take their clothes off to get boys interested in them.” Maya snarks and Riley feels a rush of optimism for her ability to help her friend; they may not have spent as much time together over the summer but at least she’s still jumping in to defend Riley.

Missy purses her lips. “That’s not what I’ve heard.”

Yindra and Dave jump in to get the game back on track before things can get too heated, and a few innocuous lighthearted rounds go by before Darby targets Charlie for her turn, and Charlie picks dare..

“I dare you...to kiss someone other than Riley.”

Charlie immediately draws his hand back from Riley’s.

The room titters; everyone there knows that Charlie was Riley’s first kiss--both the innocent peck of a kindergarten romance and the version that counted when they rekindled things in middle school--and since they’ve only had a few brief periods of turmoil where they weren’t actually dating, it’s generally assumed that neither of them have kissed anyone else. Even if just in the context of a game, this would be a big deal.

Riley trusts Charlie, knows their relationship is strong and comfortable and that a kiss given on a dare is not the same as a kiss you choose to give someone, so she gives him a small smile and nods her assent when he looks over at her, as though to make sure she’s OK with him fulfilling the challenge.

He nods back and returns the smile before turning back and scanning the room.

Riley only starts to feel funny about the whole endeavor when Charlie’s eyes lock with Maya’s.

Lucas can guess where this is going. After all, it’s hard to forget Auggie’s comments from the confrontation on their first night there. “Tell me he didn’t…”

“Didn’t what?” Riley asks, coming out of the bathroom in her pajamas with her dress bunched in one hand. “Shove his tongue down Maya’s throat? No, it was nothing quite that dramatic.”

Riley sees the whole scene almost as if she’s floating above herself.

Charlie inches into the middle of the circle of players on his knees and leans across to Maya. He sweeps her hair behind one ear, cupping her cheek. They draw closer together, lips parted, eyes closed. And then they kiss. Not a brief peck, but a soft, lingering moment.

Riley can see the way Maya’s shoulders tense. She starts to bring her hand up to Charlie’s chest at the same time that he starts to run his fingers through her hair, although immediately afterwards they both seem to remember where they are and who they’re with and they practically jolt apart. They stare at each other, breathing heavily as they draw their hands back.

The whole room watches, fixated.

It’s obvious, Riley notes while trying to school her emotions, that something more than a kiss for Truth or Dare just happened. There’s a sudden electricity lingering between Maya and Charlie--a connection or chemistry that goes further than the friendship and playful antagonism she’s noted between them before; because if anything they’ve always seemed like brother and sister to her, but what she just saw was definitely not something between faux-siblings.

Her mind races, trying to process, but she’s all too aware that now is not the time for her to react. Anything other than a calm acceptance will have her classmates labelling her as jealous or juvenile.; more than that, she doesn’t want to make matters with Maya worse by making her think that she’s mad at her.

So when Charlie finally returns to his spot next to her in the circle, Riley offers what she hopes is a smile of reassurance, and briefly squeezes his hand.

By the time Riley has finished this part of her story, she’s finished putting her clothes away and is glancing around the room. It takes Lucas a moment to realize that she’s trying to find something else to do while they talk; they’re at the part of the story where things are starting to go wrong and she’s maybe nervous of how he’ll react or embarrassed by it all or she just doesn’t like to talk about it but it’s all manifesting as restless energy, regardless of how drained she was earlier. Or she’s just eager to not have to look directly at him while she talks.

Either way, she’ll quickly run out of distractions in their small room, and he has a feeling if that happens, she’ll keep carrying the whole weight of her past entirely on her own.

“It’s still pretty warm out.” He comments off-handedly, glancing towards the door towards their room’s little porch overlooking the beach. “Want to walk while we talk?”

Riley nods. “Yeah. That sounds nice.”

A quick hop over their porch railing later and they’re down on the beach, walking away from the lights of the various hotels and inns at the top of the beach to the moonlit shoreline, cool sand pressing beneath their toes. Lucas decides that his best choice is to not push Riley further. He waits for her to speak and they walk several minutes in silence before she continues recounting her past.

“I sat there for a few more rounds of the game, long enough that no one would think I was leaving because of the kiss, before I left saying my knee was hurting and I wanted to go get some more ice and aspirin from my parents and go to bed. I did go up to my room, but I just wanted to think.

“And I thought myself in circles. I knew Charlie wasn’t cheating--he’d been nothing but adoring and faithful our entire relationship--but he and Maya were obviously much closer than I realized and that closeness wasn’t what I thought it was. I couldn’t figure out if they really liked each other or if it was just that physical chemistry some people have...I didn’t know how any of it really came to be or what it meant for me and Charlie. I loved him with my whole heart, but he was clearly attracted on some level to Maya… I finally decided I needed to find my mom and talk to her about it and see what she thought.”

“Topanga, I don’t know what to do.”

Riley stops in her tracks, a few steps up from the bottom of the stairs, when she hears her best friend’s voice. Before leaving her room she’d heard plenty of classmates returning to their own rooms as curfew was imposed; Maya hadn’t shown up in their shared space, but Riley assumed that was just her friend doing her rebellion thing, looking around parts of the lodge they weren’t supposed to be in, not her taking the same chance Riley wanted to capitalize on for some private advice with her mother. Topanga was the chaperone spending a little extra time downstairs to make sure no students were breaking curfew and making trouble, so it should have been the perfect opportunity.

“I’m a little lost. Start from the beginning and tell me everything and we’ll see what we can figure out.”

Eavesdropping is wrong. Riley knows that. But she’s been confused about Maya and her behavior for months now, and to throw her kiss with Charlie on top of it...she’ll take any piece of information she can get, however she can get it. She stays frozen on the stairs, out of sight of Maya and her mom.

“Well, you know how Riley and Charlie and Farkle have all been trying to fix me?”

“That’s not what they’re trying to--,”

Maya blows right through whatever assurance Topanga is trying to offer. “Because of that, Charlie and I have been talking a lot more. Texting and skyping all summer… We’ve gotten way closer. I just… he understands where I’m coming from so much better than Riley or Farkle. His parents had their divorce and things are still really messy there and...it feels like we have this connection.”

“A connection like you and Riley, or more like you and Josh?”

“Like me and Josh.” The words rush out. “I know it’s awful. He’s been Riley’s boyfriend for forever and they’re in love but there’s just something about talking to him and seeing him and being around him that’s so...good. And then tonight we kissed…”

“Oh Maya…”

“Not like that! The class was playing truth or dare, and Charlie got dared to kiss someone other than Riley, and Riley was right there and she told him it was OK so he started to look around the room and his eyes landed on mine and for a moment it felt like we were the only two people in the room. We kissed and it was like this fire ignited in my chest, it felt so good. I’ve never had a kiss feel like that. And I know he felt something too… But I just feel so awful.

“I know nobody was cheating or breaking trust or anything but I know Riley and I know she only thought it was OK for him to do the dare because she thought the kiss wouldn’t mean anything, but then it was this amazing kiss and there were sparks and my stupid crush that I already felt horrible about is now this big ball of feelings.” Maya practically spits the word though her voice is starting to become thick with tears. “And I can’t ever do anything about them, even if Charlie feels the same way, because he’s Riley’s boyfriend. If they break up it’s not like they’ve only been on a date or two. They’ve been together for years, and Riley loves him so much, so I would never be able to be with him.

“And I know I have to be OK with that because that’s life and that’s always been the way my life goes anyways so I shouldn’t be surprised, but...kissing Charlie felt right. It felt so right, and now it all hurts so bad.”

Maya starts to cry. Riley can hear her mom trying to soothe her friend, and pictures her drawing her into her arms to offer comfort. Deciding that she’s heard enough, Riley turns around to hobble up the stairs (hopefully silently), her own heart breaking as she starts to move.

Whether it’s for her friend’s heartache or some other reason, she’s not entirely sure.

“All of that came as such a shock.” Riley confides. “Maya and Charlie’s relationship had always been...contentious. When he moved back to the city and we started dating she didn’t like that she wasn’t the only person in my world anymore, and he was the sort of guy that was never mean or anything but had this way of casually flaunting things. So they would butt heads a lot, even though over time it got much more good-natured. But they never seemed like they were getting particularly close.”

“I mean, it does sound like there were at least some elements of their relationship that they were hiding from you.” Lucas points out. “If they had been talking all summer and neither of them mentioned it to you...Usually a secret like that is a sign that they know it’s more than just talking and they’re feeling guilty about it.”

Riley nods, crossing her arms over chest. “That’s where I eventually landed after a lot of thought. For whatever reason, they hadn’t wanted me to know the whole picture. And suddenly I had it anyway. But I also knew Maya was trying to hold her feelings back and be a good friend, and Charlie was never the one to initiate the breaks in our relationship, even if it was an issue with him that was causing our problems, so somehow it was up to me to decide what to do.”

There are really only a couple of options that Lucas can see. Either Riley chose to break up with Charlie, fracturing the friend group (it’s only logical that he would drift away from the group without Riley to tether him to the others) or Riley chose to stay with him but it eventually came out that she knew about Maya’s feelings for him, prompting the idea that somehow she’s selfish for putting her own feelings first. Either way, he can see how the emotional fallout from such a choice could start to build the rifts that have been festering for ten years.

“I didn’t figure out what that was until the next morning.”

Breakfast is...awkward, to say the least.

Riley, Charlie, Maya, and Farkle have grabbed food from the buffet and settled in the far corner of the dining hall, away from everyone else. No one is talking. Well… no one but Farkle is talking. Which might be a product of the fact that he appears to be the only one there who has gotten any sleep, or because he’s never been one able to stew in an uncomfortable silence.

“I wonder if they’ll cancel today’s hike or have us go anyways.” He comments, glancing towards a window where rain is pounding against the glass. “I’m not sure everyone brought rain gear. The forecast when we were packing said that today would be partly cloudy.”

Nobody answers him. He continues talking anyways.

“Of course, if we really wanted to know when it was going to rain we could get a bee colony and observe their behavior. A study in China determined that honeybees increase their activity and production the day before a rainstorm. They think that the bees are able to register changes in barometric pressure and in the….”

Riley feels slightly bad tuning out her longtime friend while she considers the conundrum sitting across her shoulders, but she reasons that finding a solution to the emotional entanglements that leaves everyone in her friend group content is more important to her than the activity patterns of bees. So she ignores Farkle’s nervous babble and attempts to subtly study her friends, hoping a solution will jump out at her.

She starts with her boyfriend.

Charlie sits across from her. He’s resting his elbows on the table as he eats. He’s pale, the way he gets when he doesn’t get enough sleep (last year when his parents were renegotiating their custody agreement he had seemed to be a permanent shade of milk), and he’s mostly just staring at his plate. When he does look up, he’s very deliberate with his gaze, Riley thinks.; his eyes go to either the window or to her. Nowhere else.

Then there’s Maya.

Her best friend looks absolutely miserable. Puffy, bloodshot eyes, hair up in a messy knot instead of one of her normal intricate styles...she’s stirring her oatmeal and letting it drip from the spoon back into the bowl rather than eating it. Riley doesn’t know what advice her mother gave Maya after she had made her escape, but she knows that Maya has been silently gluing herself to her side this morning, distancing herself from Charlie as much as possible.

The pair are very blatantly avoiding each other, but when the boys had been coming downstairs that morning Riley had seen a moment where their eyes had met. It had been less than a second before they looked away and Charlie had hurried to reach Riley and greet her with their normal kiss on the cheek, and she’s fairly certain they haven’t looked at one another since. Which tells a story in and of itself.

Riley thinks. Even though they hadn’t acted on anything outside of the game last night, it’s clear that something is happening between Maya and Charlie. She knows Maya felt whatever connection they had come to life when they kissed for the dare, and based on the way he’s acting, it’s probably reasonable to guess that the same is true for Charlie. At the same time, she knows Charlie has heard her parents’ story and spotted all the parallels it has to their relationship; he’s said more than once how great it is that they’ve found each other as early as her parents had and had their example to guide them, and if she lets him, Riley figures he’ll treat this problem as their own version of her father’s ski lodge affair--a hurdle, but something they can get past with a little angst.

Meanwhile it looks like Maya is willing to break her own heart further to let Riley and Charlie stay together. And Riley can only imagine what path that anguish will lead Maya down.

The very thought grabs at her heart. She’s supposed to be helping Maya find her hope and joy again, not making things worse. She’s supposed to be finding Maya a win.

Just like that, Riley knows what she has to do.

“The whole thing is actually really strange, because honeybees hoard resources and they wouldn’t need to--,”

“Farkle,” Riley interrupts his impromptu lecture softly. She pushes her plate away, and rests her hands, one on top of the other, on the table. “Can you give us a moment, please?”

Or, Lucas realizes, there was a third option. One where Riley ignored her own feelings in favor of following an extreme version of her dad’s ridiculous advice, and gave Maya something that she wanted. He can honestly say he’s dumbfounded. For one, because he truly can’t fathom that anyone would be quite so selfless as to do that, but for another, Riley doesn’t exactly sound sad or like she regrets doing it--she’s just...tired.

“I don’t get it.” He says without much thought. “Did you realize right then that you didn’t love him anymore? Or that Maya’s happiness was actually the secret to stopping global warming or something?”

“What?” Riley stops and looks at him, furrowing her brow.

“I’m sorry I just...I can understand breaking up with someone you still love even though you know he’d stay because you’re pretty sure he has feelings for someone else. Or maybe giving your friend permission to date someone that you don’t love anymore. But I don’t understand giving your friend and your ex of sixty seconds your blessing to explore their feelings. All because your friend hadn’t gotten anything she wanted in a long time and was acting out?”

Riley crosses her arms over her chest, her posture stiffening. Belatedly, Lucas realizes that he’s started passing and sharing judgement, despite the fact that from what he can tell, she doesn’t deserve the judgement and doesn’t need any added pressure coming from him. He opens his mouth to apologize correct himself but Riley beats him to it.

“I was stuck between two relationships.” She says. She casts her eyes down to the sand, where they stay. “Between two people I loved so much. A guy that could maybe be the person I married one day, and the girl that was my best friend. I didn’t want to lose either of them.”

“Riley…”

Riley starts walking, and Lucas hurries to keep up. “So I started doing the math. The odds of me meeting my soulmate in preschool and dating and marrying him and having kids and everything working out like my parents did...one in a million at best. That’s just not how it happens for people. But the odds of Maya and I staying best friends…? Those were a lot better. I mean, it’s still not super common but there are way more examples of childhood friends going through life together.”

“So you decided to kill two birds with one stone. Dive into what you thought was likely inevitable and break up with Charlie, and do what your dad told you was best and give Maya a reason to hope again by getting her a real chance at something she wanted.” Lucas fills in. “You didn’t want to lose them.”

She nods. “Happy people are less likely to leave. They had feelings for each other, and they weren’t going to do anything about them and eventually they weren’t going to want to deal with how ignoring them felt. Telling Charlie I didn’t love him anymore and giving them the chance to explore their feelings was the best option. And it all worked out.

“They started dating, Maya straightened herself out... Junior year started and everyone was happy.”

“Even you?” Lucas probes. Doing something that makes your best friend happy might usually make you feel good, but he has his doubts when that something means breaking up with someone you still have feelings for.

“I was happy for--,” Riley cuts herself off and shakes her head before starting over, a self-correction if Lucas has ever seen one. “I should have been.” She sighs. “I wanted to be. Everyone else was in a really good place, and I put them there which should have felt good but...even though I wanted them to be happy it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be to watch it play out.”

“So anyway, would you be super mad at me if I skipped out on movie night tonight?”

Riley doesn’t think much of Maya’s request; her friend hadn’t really said why she needed to miss their sacred tradition of Friday night movies and a sleepover, but she’s sure that whatever the reason, it must be important. They hardly ever cancel. “Of course not. We can hang out tomorrow instead.”

“Well, actually…” Maya hems, but doesn’t get to her actual protest before Charlie bounds up and pulls her into a deep kiss.

Riley quickly turns to her locker to swap the books in her backpack for the ones she’ll need for her weekend homework. The stabbing pain in her heart isn’t anyone’s business but her own, after all. For all Maya and Charlie and everyone else know, she’s thrilled for them. But if she has the option to look away and not plaster a smile on her face while the happy couple engages in the sort of close physical relationship after dating for a week and a half that she and Charlie had never achieved in their many years together… she’s going to take it.

“Hey, beautiful.”

Riley closes her eyes at Charlie’s greeting. The nickname--and its implications--are just one more thing that he already has with Maya and never had with her. A nasty voice in the back of her head whispers that he’s always liked Maya better, because everyone always does, and that he only had ever asked her out when he moved back because it was the expected, safe option. She refuses to let the tears that prickle her eyelids at the thought move any further. She tells herself it’s not really true. It just feels like it right now because Charlie and Maya are in the honeymoon phase, and everything is more sweeping and romantic then.

“Did you ask her yet?”

“We were just in the middle of that.” Maya says.

“Ask me what?” Riley opens her eyes, finds the happiest ‘Smiley Riley’ expression she can manage and turns around again. It takes everything in her not to let it falter when she sees how they’ve landed, Charlie standing behind Maya with his arms wrapped around her shoulders while she nuzzles against his neck.

“My stepdad needs to close up his brother’s beach house in the Hamptons since he won’t be back in the States until next year.” Charlie explains. “My family’s heading down tonight to make a weekend of it, and I asked Maya if she could come too, but she said she had to check about missing your movie night before she could say yes.”

Oh.

Riley’s not sure if it’s her stomach or her heart that plummets through the floor. Maybe both. Maya wants to cancel their sleepover--the sleepover they’ve only ever cancelled three times since its inception (and two of those times were because someone was in the hospital)--to go on a weekend with Charlie. They had never cancelled anything with each other because of a boy, and here they are, changing everything once again.

She has to remind herself that this was her idea. She set this in motion and wanted this to happen; she wanted Charlie and Maya together because it meant that everything else would stay the same. And there have been some changes that she hadn’t anticipated and it’s a bit harder than she thought to watch her best friend date the boy she loves but at the heart of it it’s worth it. Because everyone is still there and friends and happy and that has to be the most important thing.

She forces her smile a little wider. “The Hamptons? Maya you definitely have to go. And bring a canvas. It’ll be beautiful there right now, I’m sure you’ll see something worth painting.”

“OK. So you were doing everything you could to let them be happy, and somehow that makes you selfish?”

“That part doesn’t come until later.”

“What comes next then?”

“What else? Public humiliation.”

“Riley, let’s just go. There’s no point in you making yourself miserable watching them. We can go back to my place and watch Pixar movies and drink milkshakes.”

Riley presses her lips together at Farkle’s offer. They’re closer than they’ve ever been (between throwing herself deeper into her school work and clubs to limit her time around the happy couple, and them sneaking off during the day and going on date after date, she and Farkle have been spending a big chunk of their time together) and he’s like another brother to her but their newly deepened relationship isn’t without its friction. As observant as he is, it hadn’t taken him long to figure out that she hadn’t been totally honest with Charlie and Maya about her feelings, and after he heard her out to get her reasoning and realized he wasn’t going to convince her to tell everyone the truth, he’s spent the last month and a half doing everything he can to distract her and make things a little bit easier. She loves him for it, but sometimes it’s clear by his suggestions that he doesn’t approve or understand.

“I can’t just leave.” She protests softly, tearing her eyes away from where Maya and Charlie are dancing. “It’s homecoming. I’m on the committee that put the dance together. I have to be here.”

Farkle raises an eyebrow, glancing around the decorated gymnasium; the dance is in full swing and everyone looks quite entertained and happy. “It doesn’t look like there’s going to be a streamer crisis anytime soon. And if there is I’m pretty sure the rest of the committee can handle it.”

“Farkle, leaving early looks weird. People will have questions...it’ll be better if I just tough it out and stay.” She squirms a little under his discerning gaze, but relaxes a little when he reaches over and grabs her hand.

“At least come dance with me instead of standing here and torturing yourself.”

Riley nods, and he pulls her off to a far corner of the dance floor.

Some time later, Riley is chatting with Maya near the punchbowl, as Farkle and Charlie have gone to the small backstage area to get the sound system ready for the homecoming court announcements, and she almost feels relaxed; it’s easier when it’s just the two of them.

“My mom’s been on my back all week about going to get a new coat before the weather changes,” Maya says, sipping from her punch. “So I was thinking we should totally have a girls day. It feels like it’s been forever since we’ve gone all out.”

Riley swallows back her instinctive response--that they haven’t gone out because Maya has been cancelling to spend time with Charlie--with a smile. “I love it! Where do you want to go?”

“I was thinking we go for the full makeover. Hair, clothes, the works.”

“Sounds great. New week, new us.”

“I’m just saying,” a voice filters out of the speakers on top of the music, “That you and Maya should tone down the PDA a little.”

Riley swallows around a suddenly dry mouth. It doesn’t even take her two words to recognize Farkle’s voice even with the music still blasting, and she quickly spots a handful of her classmates stop dancing and look around in confusion.

“Why? We’re just happy together.” Charlie’s voice chimes in, and if Riley weren’t so paralyzed with fear and disbelief she’d notice the familiar stab of pain at the reminder of the differences between her relationship with Charlie and Maya’s.

She can’t believe that Farkle is taking it upon himself to try and talk to Charlie about this. She can’t believe he’s doing it in public. She can’t believe that he’s apparently forgotten what happens when you turn a microphone on.

“Because…” Farkle draws out. “Not everyone is comfortable with it.”

“You’ve never seemed uncomfortable before, man.”

“Not me. Riley.”

The longer the conversation goes on, the more students stop their dancing. Maya crinkles her brow and stares at Riley.

“Why would Riley have a problem with me and Maya?” Charlie asks.

And naturally, the DJ seems to catch on that something is happening and turns off the music the same moment that Farkle gives his answer. “Because she’s still in love with you.”

Lucas thinks back to his high school years. He thinks about his fellow classmates and his friends and his secrets, and although nothing that he kept to himself was quite so personally devastating as a secret love for someone close to him, and he wasn’t as close to anyone as Riley appears to have been with her friends, he’s not sure that he would have coped with any of his secrets being revealed to the entire school. Especially by someone that he trusted.

Part of him growing up and letting go of his anger towards his family and becoming the sort of person that he could be proud of had been learning to be more open. Not to forget his past experiences but to let the past be the past, and look at everything else through a new lens. To look for the best in people. And he’d like to think that he’s come a long way with that but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know the reality of things.

People can be cruel. Teenagers especially so. And to be forced into such a vulnerable and open position without warning, around people that probably wouldn’t know better than to find the spectacle entertaining...he can’t imagine how much that would throw a person.

Especially someone who’s been working so hard to make sure no one knew the truth.

“Riley, I--...” He means to offer comfort, but cuts himself off almost before he starts; what is there to say exactly? It’s not like there’s any set of words that can undo the past or take away the hurt she felt in that moment.

If Riley hears his aborted comment, she doesn’t say anything. “So I’m standing there, stunned. Just completely in shock. Not only because my feelings had just been broadcast to the entire school, but I couldn’t believe that Farkle would even share them with Charlie in the first place. I know everyone is staring, but I’m so floored that I can’t even think about what to do. And all of that would have been bad enough, but the night wasn’t over yet.”

“There’s more?” Now Lucas knows he wouldn’t have coped.

“Riley, what’s Farkle talking about?”

Riley blinks in the face of Maya’s question. She can tell the eyes of her classmates are all locked on her and it’s so silent that it feels like the air is being sucked out of the room, but there’s only one thought running through her mind. ‘They know.’ It loops, over and over, getting tossed around as everything seems to tunnel out around her.

“Riley!” Maya shoves at her shoulder and the world snaps back into focus. “What’s Farkle talking about? What does he mean, you’re still in love with Charlie?”

There’s no getting out of it really. Oh, she could try to lie, to tell everyone that Farkle had misconstrued what she had said and this is all one big misunderstanding, but it’s not like anyone would actually believe her at this point. No one’s going to believe that the resident genius didn’t comprehend what someone was trying to tell him to the point that he spread completely false information. And really, the only reason she had gotten away with lying about her feelings in the first place is because she had gotten to plan what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it; she’s an actress when she can prepare and anticipate but spontaneity is not her friend.

Riley takes a deep breath, steeling herself, before facing Maya and giving her answer. “Exactly what it sounds like. I’ve been keeping it to myself because it’s not anyone else’s business or problem but...I still love Charlie.”

“That’s not what you said when you broke up with him at the lodge.” Maya protests, her brow furrowing deeper.

“I know it’s not exactly…” Riley drops off as Charlie comes to a stop in front of them breathing heavily, having rushed from behind the staging area. Farkle, not known for his athletic prowess, is several feet behind.

He says her name, but nothing else. For a moment they’re just staring at one another, and it’s almost the same as the quiet moments of comfortable tension in their relationship where everything just felt closer. More connected and intense. There’s a split second where Riley thinks that maybe there is still something there between them, in spite of the last couple of months. But the spell breaks just as quickly when Maya speaks again.

“I don’t understand. At the lodge you said your relationship had run its course. You said he and I should explore our feelings.”

“Maybe we should take this some place a little more private.” Farkle urges shortly after his arrival, glancing amongst the trio and then crowd, rapt with attention.

Maya ignores him. “Why would you say all that if it wasn’t true?”

“Because…”Riley hedges for a moment, trying to decide how honest she should be...how much detail she should share. But she quickly realizes that there’s not much use in hiding anything. Maybe things will be less awkward and horrible if they knew she had done this to make them happy. “I thought things would be better for everyone if I stepped back. The two of you had some kind of connection, whether you wanted to admit to it or not, and I didn’t want that to come between us. I’d much rather have you guys as my friends than to lose one of you--or both of you--because I was keeping you from something you wanted. I thought that my feelings would fade, and as long as you two were happy, whatever I went through would be worth it.”

“Then why have Farkle come talk to me?” Charlie asks, finally finding his voice again. With more words spoken, Riley can hear the taut edge in his tone--the confusion, but also the anger.

She takes a step back. “I didn’t want Farkle to tell you anything.”

“But he did.”

“Guys,” Farkle steps closer to the group, gesturing between them, “don’t you think we should at least go out to the hall?”

They ignore the suggestion, staring at each other for a moment longer, uncertainty painted across their faces. Riley wouldn’t be sure that any of them were even breathing except she can feel the familiar tightness of inhaling through anxiety in her chest. She’s not sure what she expects to happen, or even what she wants to happen at this point; she can’t even begin to figure out what her next step would be to fix the mess that’s been created in the last few minutes, and although her mind is racing, all she can do is stand there and wait for someone else to step up.

“Riley, you’re so special, and we were always good together. You’ll always be important to me.” Charlie says after a deep breath. Next to him, Maya tenses and Riley finds it even harder to take a breath. It’s entirely possible that Charlie’s next words are going to change everything between the group; it’s exactly what she’d wanted to avoid.“But when you broke up with me and told me to move on...that’s what I did. Dating Maya has been amazing.” He reaches over, weaving his fingers through Maya’s. “We’re really happy together, going in a great direction...I don’t want to move backwards.”

“Riles, you know how much I love you, and I hate seeing you hurt,” Maya adds on, “but we didn’t ask you to step back for us.. And now that you have and we’ve been together for a few months…”

Riley knows what happens next sets the tone for their friendship. She can give into every ounce of the heartache that is the guy she loves saying in front of everyone that getting together again with her would be moving backwards--all but confirming that he thinks things with Maya are better than they ever were with her--and cry and make a scene and make it all but inevitable that things will change beyond recognition or repair. Or, she can go with the numb shock of it all. Stay calm. And maybe it’ll be clear that she’s upset right now, but at least it will leave the door open for things to stay mostly the same.

“I would never ask you to give up the relationship you’ve found.” Riley jumps in as Maya trails off; her words fall flat, and even when she makes herself smile she know it sounds forced and strained. She presses on anyways. “That’s why I didn’t want anyone to know. It’s my thing, not anyone else’s. You guys are happy, and that’s what’s most important.”

“After that...Farkle and I weren’t talking. I was upset he had violated my trust and he...was not used to getting things wrong or messing up in such a big way so I’m pretty sure he didn’t know how to apologize. So things were bad in that direction and probably even more awkward with Maya and Charlie…”

“The happy couple didn’t handle things very well?” Lucas has to think that a trio of well-adjusted adults would have trouble maintaining their relationships in a similar love triangle situation, so for a group of hormonal teenagers it would have to be next to impossible.

“They weren’t sure if they needed to change how they acted around me, so they tried but that was changing a big part of their relationship which made things weird between them. Plus, I think all three of us were worried that the wrong comment or nudge or whatever would give someone the wrong idea or hurt someone so we were all tip-toeing around each other, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not but Maya doesn’t do all that great with awkward.”

Lucas thinks back to the various derisive and sarcastic comments he’s heard the blonde make in response to an uncomfortable situation. “She doesn’t seem to.”

“It didn’t take much more than a week for her to hit her limit and take matters into her own hands.”

“Riles, can we talk about the Charlie thing?”

Riley is so taken aback by Maya’s question, coming in the middle of their art class that she drops her paintbrush. It’s the first time since homecoming that anyone has addressed what had happened directly and she’d been mildly hopeful that the radio silence would continue until a long time had passed; maybe several years down the line they’d be able to have an open discussion about the whole thing but she knows how precarious things are between them right now and even one comment could damage things further. Thankfully, Maya continues talking without waiting for a response, and she gets to find out more before she commits to anything one way or the other.

“It’s just that...this is weird for all of us, ya know? You’re like my sister and I know you said that you’re OK with Charlie and me being together because you’re like, the greatest friend a girl could ask for, and the last thing me or Charlie want to do is do anything that hurts you, but we’re just...not really sure where the line is right now? Like I said, we don’t want you to be uncomfortable but as a couple we’ve always been more…” Maya shifts in her seat, tilting her head back and forth as she hems over her answer.

When two seconds go by and Maya still hasn’t finished her sentence, Riley takes the hint. “Physical?”

Maya snaps her fingers and points. “Exactly! It’s not like that’s the only aspect to our relationship but it is a big one, and I know you want us to be happy, but at the same time, it’s like I said, we don’t want to hurt you. So I guess what I’m asking is…”

“Maya, you and Charlie should have exactly the relationship you want.” Riley presses her lips together, then reaches over and rests a hand on top of her friend’s. “Don’t worry about me.” After all, she thinks as Maya grins and thanks her for being so understanding, and she bends down to retrieve her paintbrush, what’s one more sacrifice to keep your friends?

“She actually went to you, barely a week after she found out that you still loved Charlie, and asked if you were OK with them making out in front of you?” Lucas can hardly believe what he’s hearing. “And she was your best friend? How were you OK with that?”

“At the time I thought I had to be.” Riley answers. As she walks she reaches up and takes down her ponytail, starting to braid her hair instead. “Remember? According to everyone my job as her friend was to give and do everything I could to make her happy and help her grow. How I felt was never a part of the equation.”

Right. Lucas had almost forgotten that particular mountain of bad advice. How parents could advise that level of self-sacrifice to their child...even if Riley had been misinterpreting what they had been saying, shouldn’t they have stepped in and clarified at some point? Or maybe comforted her and given some advice? Like when they saw her making herself completely miserable? His esteem for the elder Matthews, not particularly high to begin with, drops down a little further.

“That said, it didn’t take me very long to realize that as much as I wanted to take all of my feelings about the situation and shove them into a box at the back of my closet where I would never have to deal with them, that’s not really something a person can do. Or at least that I can do.

“I wanted to be OK with Maya and Charlie being together, but even in spite of him saying flat out that his feelings for me had changed and putting that closure between us, I still felt something for him. It hurt to see them together and how different he was with Maya. I tried my best to swallow it down and hide it but I wasn’t very good at it and between that and the ongoing mess with Farkle… There was so much tension that it was easier for everyone if I limited my time with them.” Riley ties off her braid, letting it rest on her shoulder.

“Wait, really?”

“Alanis Morissette eat your heart out, right?” Riley huffs. “All I wanted to do was make sure my friends were happy enough to stick around and all I did was make it too painful for me to stay.”

Lucas frowns. Sure, the choice that she made to break up with Charlie in the first place had been a mistake but it wasn’t the only factor that made things hard. From the way she tells the story, the others hardly sound blameless, not from his perspective. “And none of them saw a problem with how they were acting or tried to fix it?”

“They were getting along fine without me. I mean, every once in a while Maya and I would try and hang out on our own but things were still awkward. The more we were apart, the clearer it was that we didn’t have as much in common as we used to and we both felt like we had to be careful with what we said… so that didn’t last very long. By Thanksgiving or so I was pretty much entirely on my own.”

“What do you mean on your own?”

“I was a goofily optimistic, klutzy kid. Whose dad taught at her school. There weren’t a ton of kids lining up around the block to be friends with me. The ones who didn’t ignore me were happy I had lost the protection of Maya and Charlie.”

Lucas doesn’t like the sound of that at all. “Protection?”

“Farkle and I were easy targets for bullies and mean girls. But being friends with Maya and Charlie gave us a layer of protection, because Maya was tough enough to scare most everyone and Charlie was one of those guys that the whole school liked so nobody really wanted to upset him.”

“So what? You drifted apart and it was open season on Riley?”

“For a few kids, yeah.” It sounds so matter-of-fact and nonchalant coming out of Riley’s mouth that Lucas can’t tell if the anger simmering in his chest is an overreaction.

“And nobody did anything?”

“Most people didn’t know. It was mostly texts and emails. Catty comments in the girls’ bathroom. Nothing super noticeable. It would have been completely manageable if I’d been in a better place. Anyways, we’re getting off track. That stuff was a factor, not a major point in the story.”

The hasty dismissal tells Lucas that his anger is not misplaced, and it likely wouldn’t have been manageable, whether or not she’d had the support of friends, but he knows better than to press the issue further. “OK. So it’s Thanksgiving, and your friend group is pretty non-existent.”He recaps. “Where were your parents during all of that? I would have thought they’d offer all the advice they could to try and help you keep everyone together.”

“Talking to them never really worked. My mom was super busy between work and Auggie and being Maya’s go to adult for advice, so every time I managed to get her alone for five minutes, something more important came up and she dashed off with a promise to make it up to me later.

“And my dad...he was so reluctant to discuss anything about boys and my dating of them that we only had one real conversation about it and even that was less than helpful.”

“Riley, a moment please?”

Riley stops packing up her books the moment her dad makes the request, while everyone else filters out of the classroom. He hasn’t kept her behind after class since middle school unless she’s left her lunch money at home and they’ve already had lunch today, so she’s not sure what he could possibly want. They haven’t had any papers or tests lately that she might have done poorly on.

When the room is empty, her dad sits on the edge of his desk, directly in front of her usual seat. “You know, as a teacher I hear pretty much all the gossip that circulates around this school. Not to mention I have students that come to me for advice when they aren’t sure what to do with the problems they’re dealing with.”

“I know.” Riley laughs nervously. Between her mom and Maya and the school’s gossip network he’d probably heard every last detail about her breakup with Charlie and the subsequent homecoming fiasco a few weeks ago. Does he want her to talk about that with him? Not that she’s completely opposed to getting some parental advice on the matter--she’s felt completely lost for a while now and could really use a little guidance--but her dad never wants to talk about this sort of problem with her.

“And I can’t help but notice there’s been a massive change with you recently.” He continues, and Riley feels a bit better about her chances; sure they don’t normally talk about boys and those sorts of feelings, but if he took notice of her struggles, maybe he was swallowing back his reservations to try and be there for her. Isn’t that what fathers do?

“Well, things have been--,”

“So what’s going on? Why aren’t you spending time with Maya anymore?”

Just as quickly the hope stoking in her heart plummets down to her feet. She’s so stunned that that’s her dad’s question she can’t even think of an answer.

He only lets them sit in silence for a few moments. “Look Riley, I can’t pretend I understand what made you decide that breaking up with Charlie and telling him to explore his feelings for Maya was the right thing to do; that wasn’t really what I meant when I said you needed to find a way to help her be happy again. That said, what’s done is done. Part of growing up is learning to live with the decisions we make. You can’t turn back the clock just because something is harder than you thought it would be.”

Riley knows that. She doesn’t want to turn the clock back. She just wants to know how to get past it all and stop hurting, but she can’t figure out how to explain that to her dad.

“The good news is Maya’s attitude has really turned around.” Her dad continues. “She’s doing good in school again, talking about what colleges she might apply to. However misguided it was, it looks like this was the win she needed. But she’s still hurting. None of it feels any good to her without her best friend by her side.”

“So, let me make sure I’m understanding this.” Lucas shakes his head as if to clear it; it’s not that he can’t believe that Riley’s dad would ignore her feelings in such a blatant way--almost every interaction this trip has been a demonstration of his skill in that area--but it just feels jarring to have it laid out that he’s been doing it since she was so much younger, and to hear how it chipped away at Riley’s picture of him. “Your dad hears the whole story, sees that you’re having a hard time, and sits you down to tell you to suck it up and go back to Maya?”

Riley nods. “That’s the way things were. If we fought, I apologized. If she got into trouble, I got her out of it. If she liked something I had, I shared it with her. So if she wanted her best friend around, I was supposed to find a way to make it work.

“I could tell my dad was let down that he was even having to talk to me about it, which was the last thing I wanted. Plus I was so lonely and tired, I thought that going back to my friends and dealing with a little heartache would be better than having no friends and disappointing my parents. I was the good kid. I’d never gone against what they wanted before and it didn’t seem like the time to start. So I told him I’d be better, screwed on my smile and put everything I had into being the only Riley anyone seemed to care about--the happy, helpful doormat. I told Farkle all was forgiven, told Charlie the time apart had done wonders and I was over him, apologized to Maya for abandoning her and went back to the old routine of jumping for her before she could even think to ask me to. As far as everyone else was concerned, the drama was over. All was well.”

Lucas can practically hear the narration continue in his head. But all was not well. Nothing Riley has just described to him was remotely healthy. He knows because he’s done it. He knows how ignoring everything he was feeling and pretending to be a person he wasn’t had chipped away at him and left him a mess that he’d barely been able to hold together long enough to make it to college and get away.

And Riley is such a people pleaser she had probably thrown herself into the effort with 310%, no matter how hard it was to do so.

“How long did that go on for?”

“A few months. I slowly realized that I was the only one really trying--no one noticed that I was faking everything, or how much I was constantly giving up or setting aside to make sure everyone else got what they wanted, and never getting anything more than a smile and a pat on the shoulder in return. Even the bullies realized no one was going to notice or care, so they kept at it. Still, I ran myself into the ground, trying to convince myself that I just wasn’t meeting everyone’s standards, and if I just pushed myself a little harder and gave just a little bit more, I would and things would get better. The only time I ever got to let it all go and breathe was if I was alone, and every time I did, it was harder to put the act back on.”

“Did you ever think about not putting it back on?”

“Not until April.”

“What happened then?”

Don’t you think it’s a bit pathetic to still be clinging to Maya and Charlie? It’s not like they actually want you around.

No one wants you around.

Not even daddy talks to you anymore.

Who can blame him with how obnoxious you are? I’m sure your parents only let you stay with them because they can’t kick you out until you’re 18.

Riley clamps her teeth onto her inner lip as she scrolls through the latest additions to the group text she can’t seem to escape no matter how many numbers she blocks on her phone. They’re hardly the nastiest she’s ever been sent, but the harshness hardly seems to matter anymore; these days every comment seems to chip past her defenses easier than the last. Reading each word hurts, and even after she closes the messages and puts her phone down they keep running through her head.

She never gets a break anymore.

If she’s not dealing with the texts and the notes shoved in her locker and the not-so-accidental shoves, elbows, and trips in a crowded hallway, she’s dealing with the drama of Maya and Charlie. They have officially exited the honeymoon phase of their relationship and are starting to face some challenges. And Riley gets put in the middle of every spat.

Charlie needs insights into Maya’s personality. Maya needs someone to vent at. They both need help arranging grand gestures of apology. Riley provides it all with every ounce of sympathy she can drudge up, no matter how difficult. And boy is it difficult.

She’d never realized how needy her friends were until she was in the position of needing some support of her own. Now it’s hard not to notice how little they seem to care about how she’s doing.

After that, every interaction is harder and seems to drain her more, to the point where she’s taken to sneaking off in the afternoons and studying at a coffee shop near Bryant Park, a journey no one else is likely to make, just to get a couple hours away from it all every day. She does her homework in peace, away from self-centered friends and nasty classmates (at least, if she turns her phone off) and it gives her just enough relief to be able to go back to her home and keep up the act that she’s just as happy, just as helpful, just as unaware of the imbalance in all her relationships (with both friends and family) as always.

Riley’s settled in at her favorite table for one such afternoon, having been working for a good hour already, when the bell above the door tinkles. She doesn’t pay much attention to the customers that enter; the cafe is packed to the brim with students either avoiding their work or getting a caffeine fix prior to a late class as it is almost every day and she’s gotten quite adept at ignoring the chaos until it interferes with her work.

Only…

“You think you’re so cute, don’t you?”

The laugh of blonde walking past her table to join the line of patrons sounds incredibly familiar.

“That’s what you said last night.”

And so does the boy who has an arm slung over her shoulder.

“That was about your butt, not your face.”

Reaching behind himself, he catches her hand just before it can land a playful slap on the aforementioned butt. “So you only want me for my body, is that it?”

“That and what you can do with it.”

The blonde stretches up on her tiptoes, pulling him into a searing kiss, just as reality gives way to Riley’s shock.

The girl is Maya. But the boy is not Charlie.

Lucas is almost positive that he hasn’t missed the bit of the story where Maya and Charlie decided they weren’t meant to be together. And he’s certain that if their relationship was less serious and the type where they were open and free to see other people that Riley would have mentioned it before now. Which means that whatever was happening in the coffee shop, it was behind Charlie’s back, in spite of all the feelings professed and happiness claimed. “Do I even want to know who she was with?”

“Probably not but it’s part of the story so…”

Riley rushes to close her textbook and gather her things to make a hasty exit. She does not want to see anymore or even worse, have them see her; if they realize they’ve been caught, there will surely be a scramble to make her understand the situation and to convince her to keep the secret and she’s not ready to deal with that. She’s not sure she’ll ever be ready to deal with that.

Unfortunately, the universe does not agree with her plan.

In her hurry to get her belongings together, her elbow collides with her tea, sending the cup to the floor (with what feels like a surprisingly loud crash for a paper travel mug). Several patrons turn to the source of the noise, including Maya who immediately starts to fluster.

“Riley!” Her eyes widen and she jumps away from her companion. They both rush to speak at the same time. “This isn’t what it looks like!”

“What are you doing here?”

Riley is fairly certain that there’s no alternative explanation for what she’s seen that would excuse Maya and her Uncle Josh making out in a coffee shop when earlier in the day she and Charlie were making moon eyes in the cafeteria and feeding each other bites of slightly stale cafeteria cake. She’s never been one for confrontation with her friends or family, but the heat of frustration and upset rises before she can even think to swallow it. “I study here where I can get some peace and quiet. I’d ask why you come here but I make it a point not to waste people’s time by asking questions I already know the answers to.” She turns back to the table pulling several napkins from the dispenser to try and deal with the mess. The sooner she cleans up the spill, the sooner she can leave and not have some sort of embarrassing emotional reaction.

“Riles, this isn’t what it looks like.” Maya repeats her initial insistence.

“Are you still dating Charlie?”

“Wh--I--that’s--,”

“It’s a simple question Maya.” Riley cuts off her sputtering, turning back around. She can practically feel her frustration and anger sparking in her eyes, something she normally does everything she can to tamp down. She finds she doesn't care.“Are you still dating Charlie?”

“Well, yeah but--,”

“Then it’s exactly what it looks like.”

“That was the last straw for me.” Riley informs. “I was done. I had given up the boy I loved for Maya, and even though they were supposedly both happy with each other, she turned right around and cheated on him. And because it was with Josh, she didn’t even see it as all that wrong.”

Lucas is beginning to wonder if they’ll run out of beach before the story is over. Every piece of Riley’s tale seems to bring up more questions to unpack than it answers, and he has a feeling they haven’t even reached the climax yet. “Why would it matter that it was Josh instead of someone else?”

Another heavy sigh escapes Riley’s lips. “Ever since they first met, Maya had the biggest crush on Josh. And even though she could be pretty bold and obnoxious about it, Josh never really shut her down other to bring up their age difference. But as time went on even that got to be less and less firm.”

“Three years is a big gap when you’re still a kid but it just keeps shrinking the older you get.” Lucas nods, familiar with the argument.

She nods. “The attraction was definitely reciprocal. And they had an unspoken agreement that neither of them were supposed to just wait around and not have a love life, but if, when the age gap wasn’t so...problematic, they were both available, they were probably going to give things a shot.”

Which still doesn’t explain how the fact that it was with Josh made Maya think she had some sort of pass on the cheating thing. The key word Lucas could pick out of Riley’s explanation of the agreement was ‘available’, which Maya clearly wasn’t. “How does that make it OK for her to date two people without both of them knowing and agreeing?”

“Come on, Riles. You could at least talk to me. Let me explain.”

Riley spins on her heel, whirling to face Maya; she and Josh have been chasing after her since Riley had stormed out of the cafe, some five blocks thus far, trying to get her to stop and listen to whatever it is they have to say. Riley can’t say that she’s particularly interested in the explanation right now, but she also knows that Maya isn’t going to give up her pursuit any time soon, and she had been so flustered upon her exit that she hadn’t thought to do the sensible thing and get on the subway or hail a cab where they wouldn’t be able to immediately follow. “Fine.” She bites out, crossing her arms over her chest. “Explain.”

“Josh and I...it’s totally unexpected. We only got together last week.”

Riley blinks, uncertain as to what in those two sentences was supposed to make her understand the situation. Maya hesitates but keeps talking.

“There just hasn’t been a good chance for me to talk to Charlie yet.”

“That’s funny, I seem to remember you being with him before classes, study hall, lunch, PE...I wonder if any of those times would have given you the opportunity to bring something like this up? Or, and I’m just throwing things out here, what about right now? I mean, surely if you stopped shoving your tongue down my Uncle’s throat you could find the time to sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that your feelings have changed.”

“Riley, that’s not fair.” Josh jumps in.

Maya nods, continuing after him quickly. “It’s not that easy. Charlie and I have been together a long time, I can’t just break up with him out of the blue. He deserves better than that.”

Riley doesn’t even know where to begin with that. The belief that the few months Maya and Charlie have been dating could be considered a long time...the idea that carrying on a secret relationship with someone else is somehow kinder than breaking up with a person...the light insinuations about Riley’s own break up with Charlie...it all flabbergasts her to the point of stunned silence, which Maya seems to take as the dawning of Riley’s understanding, and she’s more than happy to keep talking.

“So it’s not that we’re trying to have this secret affair or anything. I just need a little time to figure out how to tell him in a way that won’t hurt him. It’s not like I don’t care about him. I’ve been really happy with him while we’ve been together--he’s a great guy and he was exactly what I needed to get me through until--,”

Maya cuts herself off, but all it takes is a glance down to her hand, still interwoven with Josh’s, for Riley to fill in the blanks. He was exactly what I needed to get me through until Josh and I could be together. Whatever Maya’s feelings for Charlie are, they don’t compare to her long-harbored feelings for Josh. When the time came and opportunity rose up Charlie was ultimately nothing more than a placeholder for her.

Riley can barely swallow around the rock that forms in her throat. “I have to go.”

“Wait! But Riley--,”

Riley ignores their duet of protests. “Good luck with your new relationship.” The words don’t come out happy, enthusiastic, or anything remotely resembling an actual congratulatory message, but Riley’s not sure if she means them at all or is just habitually wishing them well so she doesn’t correct herself or add anything else, instead turning and stepping off the curb to hail a --thankfully empty--approaching taxi. She gets in quickly, shutting the door in Maya’s face and rattling off her address to the driver. It’s nearing dinner time so even if her study time hadn’t been interrupted and her sanctuary invaded, she’d need to be thinking about heading home anyways; she can only hope that Maya will take her fast exit as a sign to stay away, and that her parents will, for once, be understanding.

“I’m guessing they weren’t.”

“It went better than I thought it would.” Riley shrugs. The answer doesn’t give Lucas much hope that things are about to take a turn for the better. “I had a few days of quiet. My parents didn’t sit down and talk to me about what was going on or anything, but they also didn’t make me see Maya or Josh either. It’s stupid looking back on it but even that little bit of inaction on their part was enough to give me hope that they were at least somewhat on my side; they knew what was going on so it seemed like maybe they were accepting my feelings about everything, even if they weren’t actually trying to help me through it.”

If nothing else, the fact that Riley had ever seen this bare minimum of effort--that doesn’t even really seem like much of an effort at all--as them being accepting spoke volumes about their relationship and how they had been treating her. Only there’s no good way for Lucas to say that without coming off at least somewhat judgemental of Riley that he can find, so he once again stays quiet.

“It was a different story once Maya came clean and broke up with Charlie.”

“How so?”

“Nobody liked that she had cheated on him. And you’ve seen how the Matthews’ act with people they disagree with.”

Lucas nods.

“Ending the situation with Charlie and getting his forgiveness got rid of that issue and repositioned her halo. She had done what she needed to do to be happy and made things right so to speak. Me being upset about it regardless of that was the only thing keeping things from going back to 100% normal.”

“That doesn’t even remotely begin to--,”

“‘Riley, we let you have your tantrum but you’re dragging it out a bit long, don’t you think?’ ‘Maya’s your best friend. Can’t you see it’s hurting her that you’re not happy for her?’ ‘It’s time to stop acting like a child and be reasonable.’” Riley cuts him off, parroting the words with such precision and bitterness that it’s clear these are very specific, very real examples of things people--not just people but her family--had said to her. “Maya was the priority. She was the mature one who had earned her feelings and I was the kid, who didn’t understand the depth of what they were talking about and acting out because I wasn’t getting my way.

“The longer I stood my ground and didn’t crawl back, begging for her to forgive and accept me, the harder it was to deal with anyone. My parents especially. They made their disappointment in me very clear, and didn’t bother to even try and hear where I was coming from. All that mattered was that I had stopped prioritizing my friendship with Maya over everything else and Maya was unhappy, so I was in the wrong.”

Lucas doesn’t even realize his indignation has made him stop walking until Riley turns around to face him, brow furrowed. “But you were unhappy too.” He protests. “And you were their daughter. Not Maya. What made them prioritize her feelings over yours?” He doesn’t expect Riley to have an answer for him, not really, but it’s such a foreign concept to him; as hard as his parents were to deal with and as much as they didn’t really consider his feelings on anything, they also never would have put anyone ahead of him except for themselves.

“They saw her as another daughter. And to them this was my big rebellion. They raised me to be the best parts of them put together. Smart, strong, loyal, hopeful, giving… Cutting ties with Maya went against everything they had told me to be. And if they were upset with me before, it only got worse when I turned down Charlie’s promposal.”

“Charlie’s prompos-- you mean he had the nerve to ask you out again?”

“Our school always had a Spirit Week in the spring that ended with a lip-sync competition. Charlie took the lead for the junior class performance and put together a One Direction number that ended with him asking me to prom and me saying no which nobody, including him, understood.”

“Riley, can we talk?”

Riley stops gathering her books, briefly closing her eyes to steel herself for the pending conversation; she knows exactly what Charlie wants--the same thing he’s wanted for the past two days--and unfortunately her habit of lingering in the safety of a teacher-supervised classroom rather than rushing out to the madness of the hallways with the rest of her fellow students has given him an easy opening that she can’t evade. “There’s nothing to talk about Charlie.” She says, reopening her eyes. She does her best to keep her voice firm, and returns to collecting her things. Maybe if she stays firm and keeps moving it will all be over quickly. “You asked me out. I said no. That’s the end of the discussion.”

“It can’t be.” Charlie protests, He takes a step forward, laying his hand on top of hers to still it. “I know you still have feelings for me.”

It would be easy to melt into his touch. It’s gentle and familiar and everything Riley has been craving for months. She could give in and the entire mess would be done with. It just...wouldn’t be real.

Her hesitation comes to a grinding halt and she jerks her hand back. “I don’t want to be with anyone who thinks being with me is a step backwards for them.”

“Who said that?”

“You did.” Riley sweeps her things into her arms and stands, unable to believe that the conversation that had caused her so much heartache was so inconsequential to Charlie that he had forgotten it.

“If I said that it was only because I was confused.” He sidesteps in front of her, blocking her path. “Riley, I know the past few months have been a lot but I still care about you. We can make this work. I mean….look at what happened with your parents.” He gestures towards the front of the classroom, where her dad is trying and failing to look like he’s simply writing out his next lesson plan on the board and not hanging on every word of the conversation. “They broke up and saw other people in high school and look at them now! Married for seventeen years! That could be us one day.”

Riley looks to her dad, eyes wide pleading for his assistance; surely he must understand how crazy Charlie’s premise sounds. The odds of her parents’ relationship working in spite of all of their hurdles and separations was one in a trillion. And really, the circumstances of their breakup and what happened in the aftermath were so different than this.

But her dad just nods. “He’s right Riley. Your story isn’t over yet.”

“If it’s my story that means I get to say when it’s over.” Riley argues, though she feels a stabbing in her chest and her resolve starts to weaken at the disappointed frown that deepens across her father’s face. She tears her gaze away, glancing at Charlie one last time. “I don’t know if you’ve genuinely realized that you still care about me or if you just don’t want to be alone, but I’m sorry. Either way, my answer is no. And it’s not going to change.” She ducks around her ex and hurries out of the room before either he or her dad can say anything else. But she still hears their chorused objections, and can’t stop her tears from falling as she rushes down the hall.

Riley wraps her arms around herself as she finishes this portion of the story, squeezing tightly. Lucas can’t tell if she’s getting cold in the night air or just trying to comfort herself. “From that point on I was on my own. If I caught my parents’ attention all I ever got was a lecture; my so-called friends spent most of their time explaining all the ways that I was being a selfish bitch--that’s if they could even be bothered to talk to me or spend time with me at all. Classmates harassed me, teachers just wanted to talk about my falling grades...It felt like the only person who still liked me for me was Auggie, and that was only because he was too young to understand why everyone else was mad at me. I couldn’t exactly confide in him.”

Riley stops walking. She turns to the ocean for a moment, chewing on her lip with eyes cast downward. It’s obvious that she has more to say but needs a moment, whether to simply gather herself or find her words or something else entirely.

It’s all Lucas can do to not reach over and offer her comfort. He’s hardly a stranger to consoling his clients; in this line of work he’s often called on by people with baggage and he considers it a part of his job to help how he can--how he would want to be treated if he were opening up to someone--yet with Riley he finds himself hesitant. She’s been warming up to him and getting much more comfortable with physical contact, both within the context of their feigned relationship and outside of it, but he can’t help but worry that the emotional place the story is putting her in will render that ease and the effects moot. Riley is clearly vulnerable at the moment, and the last thing he wants to do is anything that will make the situation harder for her.

(There’s also the added complication of their earlier kiss and how every touch between them seems to carry such a weighted spark, but thinking about that is going down a road that Lucas knows will lead to trouble so really, his reluctance to act is based solely on his concern for Riley and not on his worries over the complications of the growing tangled knot of feelings in his chest. Really.)

He’s so caught up in his mental debate and the ominous uneasiness over where the story is going next that he almost misses when Riley starts to speak again.

“I started drowning, and I couldn’t see anyway to save myself. I started to think that maybe I shouldn’t--,” Riley cuts herself off as her voice grows shakier. When she starts again, it’s still thick and wet, but firm. “Uncle Eric wasn’t wrong when he said that if he hadn’t stepped in I wouldn’t be here anymore. By the time my dad called him at the end of the school year I was in a really bad place.”

“Riley! Light of my life, the one and only, my favorite niece in the universe!”

Riley’s bed jolts with the impact of an adult launching himself onto the end of the mattress and bouncing as he settles. The movement causes her to fall out of her position, huddled on her side and staring blankly towards the window, and onto her back. She doesn’t move to correct it, or to look at the newcomer. She knows it’s her Uncle Eric, and knows, because her parents aren’t subtle in the slightest, that he’s there as their last ditch effort to make her see reason and crawl back to her friends.

It’s a specialty of his, understanding people and repairing relationships, and she knows her parents are hoping that he can make her see the light. That as her favorite uncle somehow his words will get through to her and she’ll rethink her choices.

Only Riley is well past the point of going back. And she doesn’t really want to look her favorite uncle in the eye while he tells her how big of a disappointment she is; she’s done that enough with everyone else in her life and to do it again would just be too much. Even hearing it will be too much but it’s not like she has a choice. She never has a choice.

“It is a beautiful day at the start of the summer and I find you holed up in your room.” Eric says, a teasing exasperated tone gracing his voice. “The curtains on your windows aren’t even open. What gives?”

“I didn’t feel like getting up.” It’s the first time Riley has said more than a word here and there in a number of days and her throat grates. She’d add a shrug to her words but she can’t muster up the extra energy.

“But days like today are meant to be experienced! Haven’t any of your friends been by to drag you out?”

Riley closes her eyes. For all of his positives, nobody ever said subtlety was her Uncle Eric’s forte. “We’re not exactly on speaking terms. Or even friends.”

“Yeah, I heard.” The bed starts to shift as Eric moves; Riley can tell he’s wriggling his way up to put her head on the pillows near her, even without looking. “What’s up with that?”

Definitely not subtle.

“If you’ve heard we’re not talking then you’ve heard the story.” Her parents surely would have ranted every event as they saw it to him in order to get him to come down so quickly. She’d only overheard their conversation about asking for Eric’s help a couple of days ago and while the Senate wasn’t currently in session he had plenty of other work that he couldn’t normally just walk away from. Someone had to have said something to convince him it was urgent.

“Well,” He draws out the word, “I’ve heard their side of things. I want to hear yours.” Eric nudges at the side of her head with his own temple; it’s his usual playful way but it seems wrong, if only because she hasn’t felt anywhere close to playful for close to a year now.

She shakes her head minutely. “It’s not that different.”

“Considering how the story I heard sounds nothing like you, I’ll bet it is.”

Riley doesn’t dare trust the glimmer of hope that sits in Eric’s words. Sure, they might mean that he knows she’s a better person and he’s willing to actually listen and believe her, but at one point she’d thought the same about her parents. And her grandparents. And Uncle Shawn. If she thinks for one second that Eric might actually be on her side, it’s only going to hurt more when he’s not. “I don’t care. There’s no point.”

Uncle Eric exhales heavily. “Ri, there’s always, always a point,” he says, fumbling for her hand and weaving his fingers with hers. “If you really don’t want to talk about Maya and Charlie and Josh or whoever else then I’m not gonna make you. I couldn’t care less about them. I want to know about you and how you’re doing. The truth.”

The truth.

Just the idea sends Riley’s breath into a hitch.

The truth is that she’s beyond exhausted, and lonely, and she’s more than starting to think that everyone’s right and she’s being a horrible person. Half of the time just breathing hurts. It feels like every negative thought she’s ever had-every upset and bad mood she’s ever bypassed and tried to ignore in favor of being happy- has multiplied by a thousand and returned to come crashing down in a wave across her shoulders and she’s drowning. Swept beneath the surface and drowning and there’s nothing for her to try and grab onto.

Riley shakes her head and her breath hitches again. This time her shoulders move with it and before she knows it, tears are falling hot and fast down her cheeks. Despite her best efforts she’s a sobbing mess within moments, but Eric just sits up properly and hoists her up into an embrace, rubbing her back and murmuring into her hair while she cries into his chest.

“Eventually I calmed down enough to actually talk to him and tell him the whole story and what I was feeling.” Riley finishes. “And Eric just…promised me that I wasn’t doing the wrong thing, and that he was going to do everything he could to help me.”

“Like having you move in with him and Linda.”

“Well it started with just a summer internship he found me with one of his colleagues. I went and stayed with them while I did that and he got me into therapy and kept my dealing with my parents to the absolute bare minimum. And when I told him that I didn’t want to go back to New York for my senior year he didn’t fight me, just found some family friends in education who were willing to call in some favors to help get me a super late interview at a great prep school he lived near and took the hit of telling my parents that I wouldn’t be going home.”

Lucas nods, trying to reconcile the explanation Riley has given with the display at the karaoke party between the Matthews brothers. It’s not exactly difficult. “Hence your dad saying he stole you.”

“Exactly. Only it was all my choices, Uncle Eric just didn’t want me to be the one to tell them when I was in such a bad place. And ever since then, and when I decided to go to college out west, every time I see my family or talk to them, it’s exactly what you’ve seen. Awkward and uncomfortable at the best of times, outright hostile and downtrodding at others… they don’t hate me but they don’t exactly like me either.”

Lucas thinks over that assessment. It’s not totally inaccurate; the Matthews’ certainly aren’t trying to freeze her out of being there for Auggie or anything like that--they aren’t actively trying to make Riley miserable--but it’s clear that their affection comes with conditions. You either think and act a certain way or you don’t belong. And even though he doesn’t think Riley is all that far from fulfilling every one of those standards in the present day, because she didn’t do exactly what they wanted in high school and refuses to apologize for it or be a doormat any longer, her family is refusing to see that.

His family had been similar, although he had definitely been further away from their idea of what a perfect son was, and they had treated him like that every time he drifted for as long as he could remember, so when he finally realized how wrong it was and had gotten out from under them, it had been a fairly easy choice to cut the cord and decide he wouldn’t deal with them anymore. Riley didn’t have that blessing. She had a family that had loved her unconditionally right up until the point that they didn’t, so she had more dissonance to reconcile in their behaviors; she had something that most everyone would want to try and get back.

Lucas doesn’t want to overstep any boundaries, or give advice where it’s not wanted, but he knows this is a painful and tricky situation and not many people involved can look at it without the blinders of family on. Even Eric, who had done so well to remove her from the toxic situation in the first place is clearly reluctant to do or suggest more, only throwing direct blame tonight when pushed by the situation. Ultimately it feels like, as an outsider who has taken on taking care of Riley, he needs to try and say something.

“Do you ever think about not coming back? I mean, I get why you’re here for this. It’s Auggie’s wedding, and he’s a good guy and your brother so that’s pretty unavoidable but outside of this...why are you even talking to them at this point?”

#rucas #rucas fanfiction #riley matthews #lucas friar #gmw #fanfiction #au #fic: cold cape cod clams #cw: suicide #yikes I hate this ending #this is an incredibly long text post and tumblr has made formatting a lot harder so apologies if something is a little off #but...#here we go

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