#Lola Lectome

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Not everything is black and white. There’s no “bad guys” here.

I feel like this fandom doesn’t do well with nuanced situations and tends to look at everything in a very black-and-white manner. Which is a shame because I feel like the way the characters have behaved so far has made a lot of sense. This isn’t a black-and-white situation here and neither of the characters should be villainized nor left off the hook.

There seems to be a lot of Lucas and Lucille comparisons going on here, which are completely unwarranted and they seem to come from looking at both Eliott/Lucille and Elu relationships at a very surface level. Lucas is worried about Eliott potentially being triggered by someone who’s in a very turbulous time in their recovery has to mean he’s controlling, right? Well, no.

Here’s the thing about having an MI. It’s not something that defines people who have it. We’re not suddenly incapable of making our own decision nor are we any less of an individual. However, pretending that MI doesn’t have a significant effect on our lives and relationships is… not a good take to have. Lucas being cautious of potential triggers to Eliott’s treatment is not him being controlling.

Before I say the next thing, I want to say that I’m a person with an MI who’s had suicidal thoughts and self-harmed in the past. I’ve been through therapy and was able to find a way to manage my issues for the most part. But it took me YEARS to get to this point in life and I sabotaged myself and screwed people over in the process. Recognizing that was an important part of my recovery. Now onto what my experience has taught me.

Navigating around a person’s MI is not an easy thing. It’s not. No matter how much the two people care about each other, no matter how much trust there is in a relationship, there’s a balance that needs to be found.

On one hand you want to ensure that you’re not encroaching on a person’s autonomy and individuality, while keeping an eye out for something out of the ordinary. And where do we draw the line, really? How much can we ask of the other person and how much we just have to agree with and accept as their decision? Is it okay to ask them to take their meds, or should we just accept it when they say that they don’t want to take them anymore even if those meds have a tremendous impact on their behaviour and well-being? Should we be okay with a person on heavy medication drinking and taking drugs and risking overdose or should we say something? Should we insist on keeping a person in the midst of a depressive episode company or should we respect it when they want us to leave, even if we have a strong suspicion that they’re suicidal? Those are not easy things to navigate and sometimes there’s a very thin line between being respectful of someone’s autonomy and being neglectful. 

Lucas has been trying to navigate this aspect of his relationship with Eliott for a year and so far, he’s been doing a decent job of it. While Eliott has his insecurities, those stem more from his internalized issues rather than the state of his relationship with Lucas. He’s been able to recognize that Lucas was worried multiple times but not once (not even during the clip on Saturday) did he call Lucas controlling. And that, more than anything, tells me that Lucas has done his best to give Eliott the space that he needs and be there for him when things are tough.

What we’ve seen so far this season was Lucas having an impulsive reaction to seeing someone in their bed but he did not try to interfere with Eliott and Lola’s friendship in any way, even accepting and supporting her playing a role in Eliott’s movie. He chose to trust her and even attempted to bond with her because she was important to Eliott. The fact that he was worried that someone who’s in the middle of a very unsteady recovery could potentially trigger Eliott wasn’t nearly as unfair as people think it was. That’s a perfectly valid concern to have. Now, we can argue about whether or not it’s a concern he should have voiced to LOLA of all people, however I don’t think his intention was to bring her down with that comment. I can go into all the ways this behaviour is different from Lucille but this is already quite long so maybe another time.

Now, onto Lola. 

She has a lot of issues and has been through a lot of trauma at a very young age. She’s only at the beginning of her recovery and has many slip ups but holy fuck, she’s really trying. The real Lola, the one we see when she’s not under the influence of any substances and weight down by her pain, is gentle and empathetic. She cares about the happiness and comfort of the people close to her and does what she can to make them feel cared for. She’s a loving and gentle person.

But addiction and pain are ugly things. Hurt people hurt people. We’ve seen this happen a couple of times this season, how nasty and hurtful Lola can be when she’s suffering. We saw it in how she spoke to Maya when she was drunk, how she blamed Daphne for her addiction, the hurtful word she said to her father when she blamed him for her mother’s problems and in how she played with Eliott’s insecurities on Saturday. All of this is quite familiar to me, I’ve done the same things time and time again to the people I loved and it didn’t matter to me how that was affecting them at the time, too preoccupied with my own pain. Lola knew what she was doing on Saturday, she deliberately called Eliott to join her and played on his insecurities, made him question his relationship with Lucas, because she wanted him down in the pit with her. It made her feel less lonely and seen. 

Lucas wasn’t wrong when he said she was being selfish on Saturday, because she was. Selfishness is not just one thing, it’s not always about gaining something valuable at the expense of hurting others. Sometimes, selfishness can come from a place of unbelievable pain and desperation. The way we feel overshadows everything around us and we fight to get ourselves out of that place, without considering how much our actions can affect the ones we love. But once the moment of clarity comes, we get to see the consequences of our actions and are left with the feeling of guilt.

None of this makes Lola a bad person and she deserves to be loved and cared for. That doesn’t change the fact that the people she hurt when she was in her dark place are also entitled to their feelings of hurt and anger. 

We don’t know how much Lucas knows about what happened that night, perhaps Eliott told him what Lola said about their relationship, perhaps he didn’t. However, he clearly knows enough of it to understand what was her intention in calling Eliott that night. Is he wrong to be so harsh with her? Yes, for sure. No one should ever speak to another person so harshly but it too comes from a place of pain and he tried to avoid the confrontation twice, before he lost his temper. It’s quite possible he will regret his words as soon as he calms down as well.

In short, there’s no “bad guys” in this scenario. Only people who have normal, human reactions to hurtful situations in their lives. It’s okay to understand that while Lola messed up, she recognizes her mistakes and is still trying her best, and that does not make her a bad person. We can also understand that Lucas’ is entitled to his feelings of hurt, because Lola’s actions affected him in a big way, too. None of them are bad people, there’s really no need to pit them against each other.  

[length-of-rope]

I’m sorry but this is so fucking sweet. There’s Lola, once again feeling utterly alone in her little world, surrounded by people who want something from her. On one hand there’s Daphne that wants to talk when Lola’s not yet ready to do so. Then, there’s her father who wants their family to heal and seems somewhat oblivious to the conflict between the sisters (I’m guessing they’re hiding it), and of course, people who only see her as a warm body to hook up with. So here’s this guy. Someone who doesn’t want anything from her, doesn’t expect anything from her. Someone who is kind because he recognizes his own struggles and sees her as a kindred spirit. And you know what? It makes her feel safe and like she can relax, because she knows he won’t hurt her and won’t ask anything from her. It’s such a beautiful beginning to this friendship, I love it. <3