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shysuccubusstuff · 13 days ago

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day 20: Corruption kink + Corruption kink+ Virgin! Couple + Praise kink + (slight) Face fucking + Squirting + Exhibitionism + Praising – Foreseer! Zayne

Content: Religious topics (This is heavily influenced by what I know about the Catholic church (like how the ceremonies work and stuff) but they are not related, as this is only focused on Astra as God. Just to let you all know.) + Corruption kink + Virgin! Zayne + Face fucking + Foul language + Praising + Exhibitionism – Foreseer! Zayne. Non proof-reader.

Summary: Just Foreseer! Zayne but instead of being isolated and being a demigod, he is the head of the Church who worships Astra.

Word count: 2390 words.

Note: Can you imagine I finished all my essays less than a week ago and I already have a lot of stuff to do? So sad… Btw, I just love pretty men crying with their puffy lips and slightly reddened eyes, specially when the reason is that they love too much a certain person.

You had been going to the same church for several months, always one of the first who arrived, with your sweet smile as you helped the elders to climb the stairs to get to the church. You sometimes even actively participated in the mass, reading the fragments of what was said about Astra with your soft voice resonating all around the believers.

It all went downhill when you finally met the head of the Church.

A young man with black hair and green eyes, quite tall, slim, with slender hands a cold exterior. He always seemed busy, either by preparing the ceremony or by helping different activities promoted by the church. He was always kind with the rest of believers, but you always felt as if something was always between him and the rest of the believers. That’s why you tried to approach him; Didn’t he feel lonely? Always rushing around the corridors with his robe fluttering behind him, his hands completely filled with many heavy books as he looked exhausted.

So, one night, you decided to go to the church alone in order to confess. You knew that he would be inside the confessional as the old ladies had been gossiping about “a deep and rich voiced priest”. You held your breath before entering inside, pressing the small medal that you always held close to you. The church was completely silent as you entered, your steps resonating all around the empty hall. You sat down inside the small cubicle, your voice trembled as you tried to speak:

“I… I want to become someone close to you, Foreseer.” Your voice left you as a small whisper, barely audible even for the man that was next door. The silence was all that answered… You waited a few minutes, your heart pounding like crazy inside your chest making you feel way too conscious. “…Foreseer?” The man audible gasped, coughing for a moment before finally answering.

“What do you mean by that, dear one?” He tried to keep his cold exterior as his heart began to race.

“I mean I want to become friends, being friends is more than enough. I… I feel that you are always alone, and if I could grant you even a single moment of comfort, that would be enough for me.” Zayne’s face flushed, his mouth attempting to form the most charming smile you would ever be able to see.

“I do not think that this is the place nor the time to say something like that, I hope you are aware of my position, as well as my responsibilities to the Church.” Zayne got up, just about to leave the confessionary, but your warm hand stopped him on his tracks.

“Please! I know I may be acting as a child, but I truly desire the happiness of all of the members, that includes you, Foreseer. I just can’t turn my head and pretend that everyone is doing fine when I always see you exhausted around the church! You may think that you’re being sneaky, but I have seen your eyebags as you give the sermon. Please, just---” Zayne got free of your grip, leaving the cubicle in a rush, and just as you were about to leave, his hand pulled you out. What you encountered was not what you expected. It was Zayne, but he looked so different. His face was slightly flushed, with warm tears running down his cheeks. You looked at him completely baffled, did you hurt him that much? Your hands run to his face, not caring about the great difference between your status, you wiped his tears with your sleeves, but this just caused him to cry even more.

“Do you even know what you are doing? Since you started to come here, everything in my life is going wrong. Astra has been acting completely spoiled, always giving me even greater tasks while reducing the time I have to do it, my brothers have suddenly been sent to different churches, my… my head is unable to focus, even my chest has been strange, and all of this started since you came here with your pretty face, and that cute smile and with your kindness and---” Zayne stopped himself before feeling even more embarrassed, his hands trembling as he got his hand closer to yours. “Were you sent by Astra to tempt me?...” His eyes were crystallised, his nose slightly red as he tried to stop himself from crying.

“Zayne! What’s wrong? Did I hurt you that much with my selfish request?” You took his hand, embracing him as his whole body trembled.

“I’ve been trying… I even avoided you after the mass, I just couldn't, I kept thinking about you all the time, even while I kept myself secluded inside that cold room, a single thought about you was enough to set my heart ablaze. I can’t keep on denying it, please, I need you, I will do whatever for you to accept this impure me. Just---” Zayne’s knees fell to the ground, warm tears falling down his cheeks while his hands kept grabbing yours.

“Zayne, please look at me.” You took his face with both of your hands, moving his head so he could look at you. “I love you, you are not impure, you are simply a human being, it is impossible for us to live without feeling anything at all. You don’t have to punish yourself by secluding yourself, I’m sure Astra would never want that.” You kissed his forehead, as he buried his face against your stomach.

“I love you… I love you so much… I love your smile when you help others, I love the fact that you come here every single week to pray and help me with all the children… I love you.” Zayne got up, taking your face between his cold hands and kissing you, a single and cast kiss, just enough for him to deliver his true feelings for you. Suddenly, his kisses started to get faster, leaving little to no time for you to breath.

“Zayne… We shouldn’t---”

“I’ve been restraining myself for far too long… Please.” You leaned your hands on Zayne’s chest, allowing him to keep on kissing your lips. His breath soon quickened, his face blushing till the tip of his ears. Zayne was about to speak when you suddenly heard the heavy door of the church being opened, rushing, you pushed Zayne back into the small confessionary, covering his mouth as you tried to keep as still as possible.

“Dear father? I came for guidance regards a certain topic…” The voice of a man echoed around the four walls, his steps moving closer towards the confessionary. Zayne took your hand off his mouth, whispering for you to let him do his duty.

“Enter the confessionary, dear one.” His voice went back to his usual tone, almost fooling you if it wasn’t because of the hard feeling that kept rubbing against your stomach.

“I fear I may have committed a grave sin… These past weeks I have become quite infatuated with a certain sister… She is always so kind with all of us that I can’t help but be charmed by her…” The man that entered kept rambling about that great woman inside the community, suddenly, a bold idea struck you. With great care, you moved the heavy clothing concealing Zayne’s body, not stopping even if Zayne darted you a hard glance and his hands took yours.

“What are you doing…? Be careful with those sinful hands---” His sentence was cut short, as your hands crawled over his stomach, gradually making your way into his undergarments. Zayne coughed, his body tensing as he tried to keep his mouth completely shut.

“Are you ok, father? Do you need---?”

“No need, you can proceed, I am listening.” Zayne’s hands pushed you down, trying to keep you still. Of course, that would not work for him, as you lost no time, taking his length out of his underwear and starting to kiss the tip of his length. His breath quickened, as his hands clasped your head, trying his best not to push your head to take his full length.

The man’s blabbering kept on going as you slowly took most of Zayne’s member, using one of your hands to masturbate what was left out. You used your tongue to play with his tip, while changing the force of your sucking.

“So, I believe I have explained to you the whole situation, what do you think I should do, father?” Zayne opened his eyes, his jaw clenching as he cursed under his breath as his grip on your hair strengthened.

“I… I would advise you to avoid her, after all, she does not seem as interested in you. Nevertheless, do not lose confidence, as you will find your chosen one without failure.” The man thanked him, leaving the cubicle and closing the door of the church for the night.

“Did you have fun?” Zayne looked down at you, his brows slightly furrowed. “Well, you are probably far too busy to answer.” Zayne grabbed your head, suddenly pushing it against his stomach, forcing his whole length inside your mouth. You gagged as a few tears formed in your eyes, your mouth suddenly being filled to the brim, forcing you to try your best not to choke on his heavy load. “Oh… you did so good, dear. It is now my turn to satisfy you, am I wrong?” Zayne clothed himself, then lifting you in a bridal style and letting you sit on the central table in the church.

“Zayne! Wait, this is a sacred---” Zayne cut you down, smiling as he spoke with a playful tone.

“Oh, sure a confessionary is not, right?” Your face flushed, allowing him to spread your legs open as he kneeled down, his face getting closer and his lips leaving soft kisses against your panties. His hands kept rubbing the inner part of your thigs while his mouth started to make a slow trace towards your clit, giving it a few licks before moving away, his hands finally getting rid of your pantyhose together with your underwear, tossing them to one of the chairs close to it.

“Let me pleasure you, my love.” Zayne kneeled again, moving your whole body closer to the edge, his warm breath hitting against your entrance. His tongue started to lick all over your lower half, the pace being painfully slow, not rushing even as your fingers pulled slightly from his hair, giving you a warning look before going back to his own duty. Your legs twitched a bit as Zayne’s tongue kept torturing your poor clit, but this had only started, as his mouth suddenly started to suck on your clit, making your eyes roll back and your legs clasp against his head.

“Wait! I… I feel really weird right now Zayne, maybe we should stop before---” Zayne sucked harder on your clit, making you bite your hand as a poor attempt of keeping your mouth shut.

“Just let me pay your act of kindness, then I will let you go, understood?” His voiced sounded demanding, so you complied, allowing him to make a mess out of you. His tongue went back to that special place, warming you up again by making simple motions with his tongue, then starting to suck on your clit again.

As you slowly got used to the immense pleasure, one of his hands made his way to your entrance, one of his digits slowly entering yourself. At the same time, his other hand started to create a bit of pressure on your lower stomach as his fingertip kept rubbing against your G-spot.

“Zayne, Zayne, I can’t do it anymore, I feel really weird...!” Instead of slowing down, Zayne’s movements only hastened causing that knot in your lower half to finally break. Before you were able to think, some warm and clear liquid were expelled as you reached your first orgasm. You felt completely ashamed, trying your best to get Zayne’s hands away so you could try and make a run for it. This did not work, as he quickly comforted you.

“Dear, that is not what you think it is, calm down.” He kissed your forehead, while his clean hand caressed your hair. “It’s ok, my love. I should have warned you about this type of thing, I focused too much on pleasuring you, I do apologise. Have I angered you?” He looked at you like a kicked puppy, his head resting on your lap as if trying to make himself look smaller.

“How… how did you even know about this? Aren’t you supposed to be pure?”

“Despite what one might think, our religion does not forbid this type of… physical encounter, as long as we do plan on sharing a romantic bond.” He started to kiss your stomach, peppering it with kisses and suddenly lifting you up. “I shall prepare a bath for the both of us, there is no need to rush our current relationship.” He kissed your forehead once again before taking you his private place, letting you catch a glimpse of the extremely cared garden filled with jasmine flowers. He walked until he reached a wooden door, opening it and letting you sit on his bed. “Give me a second.” You could hear the water running as he filled the bathtub, your mind slowly drifting to sleep as you felt completely relaxed on his company.

#fanfiction #x reader #smut #love and deep space #zayne love and deepspace #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace #lads zayne #zayne x you #zayne x reader #lnds zayne #l&ds zayne #lnds x reader #lnd zayne #lnds

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wizardpink · 4 months ago

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Hi! Random question, but do you think the show will have Daniel call Armand "boss" now that the Maître thing happened? I know it's very prevalent in the books, but it might have different and/or interesting Implications™ in the show.

This question reminded me of one of my favorite episodes of the It's Always Sunny podcast. Stay with me here because we are going on a journey.

If there's any journalist in the world, living right now, who doesn't have a boss, it's Daniel Molloy.

There was a post recently that said something about how the point in the story where the timeline shifts the most dramatically from the books to the show is in the early 80s, when Armand DOESN'T turn Daniel into a vampire. I think that is a major part of why the Devil's Minion storyline in the show scared and angered so many fans in the finale. It's so different from the story we fell in love with! But we were so focused on Armand being different (possibly turning Daniel out of spite) that we forgot that Daniel is the one who is really different, in a really genius and wonderful departure from the books.

In the books we know human Daniel primarily as a man in his early 20s through his early 30s, but who he is in his early 30s is extremely heavily influenced by all the things that happened to him in that previous decade. Meeting Louis, meeting Armand, being pursued by Armand, and finally becoming Armand's lover.

But show Daniel had a great big reset button pressed on his life either at the end of the interview or at the end of his and Armand's romance, and he got to experience a life that book Daniel never did, and as a result it shaped him into a man that I think book Daniel always would have become, until he got derailed. And it's fascinating how BOTH paths make perfect sense even though they start at the same pivotal point!

Book Daniel meets vampires and then immediately is sucked into their world permanently. It becomes his realm as well. And in that realm are hierarchies and power dynamics that he has to exist within. He becomes subservient in ways to Armand, to Marius, etc etc. I could go on but you know what I mean.

Show Daniel however! Show Daniel meets vampires and gets pushed OUT of their world back into the world of humanity. And yes, in that realm are hierarchies and power dynamics that he has to exist within. But they're upheld by human beings! People who are no better than Daniel himself, and certainly no more frightening than the shit he's already been through whether he can remember it or not. Show Daniel pursues any story, any lead he wants no matter how dangerous or powerful the subject matter may be. He writes what he wants when he wants, and it works because he's fucking good at it. And it doesn't always work out for him! He says he's been fired and rehired, he's been nearly killed when an interview subject gets skittish or tired of his bullshit. But the point is, he went out and he made his own damn rules. He's brash and opinionated and has zero filter. He'll say whatever he wants to anyone, demand answers and truth from anyone. And no one is gonna tell him he can't. They're gonna have to drag him out of here or kill him to shut him up.

Armand and Daniel's maker/fledgling, devil/minion dynamic is going to be SO DIFFERENT from the books and yet JUST as juicy because the important things -- the love, the longing, the passion, the understanding, the recognition -- that is all still there. But I don't see 69 year old Daniel Molloy falling over himself to worship and cowtow to Armand. My DREAM is we see BOTH dynamics just to juxtapose the two, and the strife it creates as two people who once loved each other try to get back to that place now that they aren't those people anymore.

So tl;dr, yes and no. If he says it, it's going to be like, one time and so dripping with sarcasm Armand will be fighting his fangs again. If we get an earnest pet name it'll be very private I feel (as opposed to Armand who would call Daniel his beloved in line at the post office).

Also on a personal note, "boss" is so deeply unsexy. Goons and henchmen call the Joker boss, I don't want that haha. Oh and also I have like zero recollection of him calling Armand "boss" in the books, that's a detail that my brain mulched up and ate years ago I guess. So I was the wrong person to ask this. Thanks for reading though! 😂

#this post brought to you by my extreme disdain for authority!#iwtv spoilers #iwtv #amc iwtv #interview with the vampire #devil's minion #the devil's minion #devils minion #armandaniel #armaniel #darmand #I saw that ship name recently and was like... that is so cursed and I dont know why lmaoooo #armand #the vampire armand #daniel molloy #the vampire daniel #answermywearyquery

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lady-phasma · 1 month ago

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Armand x Benji x Sybelle x gn!reader (vampire reader)

No warnings or summary other than this is really, really fluffy. 1.2k words of the fluffiest fluff.

a/n: aged up Benji to about 25 before he was turned because I think the show would do that if they include him, Sybelle was around 25 when she was turned.

Sybelle’s fingers flew lightly over the piano keys. You loved listening to her play, especially while reading. You could read faster as a vampire, but sometimes you enjoyed reading slowly and savoring the experience. Sybelle had recently been composing her own music, rarely writing it down, often improvising. Tonight’s music seemed heavily influenced by Max Richter and was lively yet somehow somber.

She was playing something slower now, mellow. The city lights flickering through the windows and the night sky through the skylight created an ethereal, disconnected atmosphere. You turned the page of your book. Soft footsteps approached and you looked up to see Armand. He sat down on the sofa after you pulled your feet up to make room for him.

“Everything okay?” you asked, placing your finger in your book as you closed it, holding your spot.

Armand didn’t answer, just watched Sybelle. His fingers slid against each other, the only outward sign that his thoughts were overwhelming tonight. You looked away from him to snag your bookmark from the arm of the couch. You dropped your book on the floor and turned to rest your back against the arm.

“Hey. You.” Armand turned to look at you. “Come’ere,” you patted the pillow you had placed in your lap. Years with this group had given you the ability to bypass unnecessary words. You knew from previous experience with Armand that he would decline an offer, but would likely accept an invitation if you seemed to not give him an option, not exactly an order.

He moved slowly, not like a vampire at all. He lay on his side between your legs, one of which was curled under the pillow, the other leaning against the back of the couch behind Armand.

He gracefully tucked one hand under his head and laid the other on your thigh. A human could not have heard the sigh he let out, but you did. Sybelle may have as well, but it was a nearly silent sound. Very gently, almost cautiously, you moved his hair back from his face and traced his ear with your fingertips. His eyes closed as he let himself focus on your touch. You stroked his hair and sent soothing, non-verbal thoughts to him telepathically as he laid perfectly still.

Benji came into the room, shoes clicking lightly as he walked across the hardwood. He kissed Sybelle on the top of her head before walking over to where you sat on the sofa with Armand.

“What’s up kiddo?” Benji pressed a lovely kiss to the top of your head as well.

“Not much old man.” You glanced up at him, no less enamored with his beautiful face than the first time you met. You saw him every night, yet Benji remained one of the most unsettlingly gorgeous people in your sphere. His round, youthful features looked so out of place against his vampiric presence. Damn near unsettling and very sexy.

“How was the podcast?” You were genuinely interested. You loved listening to every episode even if the topic wasn’t always new to you.

“It went well,” he answered as he placed his fedora upside down on the coffee table and sat next to Armand’s feet. “A shorter episode than normal, but Lestat and the ancients have been behaving recently, so…” his voice trailed off as he looked at us. “It seems all the excitement is in this living room anyway.” He smiled and stroked Armand’s shin.

“I’m the life of the party,” you smiled back at him. You gently ran your hand down Armand’s shoulder, resting it on his bicep. “I’ll feed before dawn, but I wanted a chill night in tonight.” You glanced down at Armand’s head in your lap and then back to Benji, catching his gaze. “We all needed some down time, but we’re fine.”

He smiled gently again and shifted at his end of the couch. Armand moved his feet next to Benji’s thigh and Benji rested his hand on one calf.

You made quite the tableau: Armand curled on his side, between your legs, his head in your lap, both of you in comfortable clothing, Benji sitting comparatively stiffly in his suit vest, shirt, and slacks.

“You know,” Sybelle’s voice rose just above the volume of her music. “I think we may need a larger sofa.” She giggled and the sound was as musical as the piano. She finished the last few notes of the song and turned to face the three of you.

“I do feel ever so left out!” Her tone was sweet and jovial.

“Pile on, sis!” Benji laughed as he spoke. Sybelle glided across to you, but instead of ‘piling on’ she knelt in front of Armand and placed her arms on the cushion. She tilted her head and laid it on her forearms. Their faces were mere centimeters apart and the gaze they shared was almost as intimate as if they were speaking telepathically. A tiny smile lifted the corner of Armand’s mouth. Perhaps something had passed between them.

Sybelle slid one hand out and interlaced her fingers with Armand’s on your thigh. You stroked the top of her head then let your hand rest back of the arm of the couch. Benji moved his hand from Armand’s leg to yours, absently rubbing circles on your pants with his thumb. You didn’t look up from watching Sybelle and Armand when you heard Benji’s voice in your mind.

What’s wrong? he asked.

He didn’t say. He came in like this, you answered. You gently smoothed Armand’s hair back. Sybelle looked up at you, her face full of kindness.

“I have an idea,” she beamed up at you as she spoke. “Come. All of you.” She popped up from where she knelt. You looked over at Benji and smiled. He returned your look of bemusement and love. Sybelle was sweet and slightly peculiar.

You watched Benji stand and extend his hand to him. Armand sat up and took Benji’s hand in one movement. They followed Sybelle out of the living room. You rose and followed as well. The four of you went into the bedroom, Sybelle nearly floating, Benji holding Armand’s hand.

The bed was a king size and swamped with pillows. Sybelle tossed a few on the floor. She grabbed Armand’s free hand and led him to the bed. As she did so she kissed his cheek. You stood next to Benji while they lay down. Benji guided you forward with his hand on your back. You slipped onto the bed, facing Armand, while Benji stepped out of his shoes and laid down behind you.

Armand looked at you with large, grateful eyes and you snaked your forearm between his arms and interlaced your fingers with his. He held your arm against his chest. Your knees touched gently. Sybelle wrapped her arm Armand’s waist and snuggled close behind him. Benji reached over you, laying his arm on you and his hand on Armand’s bicep. This wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last time you all piled into this bed, but it was one of the more chaste times.

Armand still hadn’t spoken. His face was softer now, his shoulders less tense. He closed his eyes and relished being in your arms, surrounded by his family.

Masterlist

#armand x reader #armand x gn!reader #x inclusive!reader #iwtv #amc iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire #the vampire armand #the vampire sybelle #benji mahmoud #benjamin mahmoud #the vampire chronicles #iwtv fic #benji x reader #sybelle x reader #armand x benji x sybelle #Armand fluff #assad zaman

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slowdrippingnoise · 4 months ago

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I cannot stop thinking about Fords dream. Plan sexual? Is this aroace confirmation??

"Attracted to planning" my ass. What happened to attracted to strange and the strange was always attracted to him?? You are a weirdo, except it

I an aroace and i was concerned that Ford will be straight in TBOB but now i am just confused???

I see you want to scream about the book of bill. Please scream at me i need someone else in this madness

OK!!!! so this is an extremely interesting question, and my perception of it is very heavily influenced by this interview being fresh in my mind (you've probably already read/watched but if not go do that it's great) towards the end you can find alex answering a question about ford being interpreted as queer- and basically talking about how ford is written as extremely romantically/interpersonally repressed in general- I won't try to summarize it i genuinely recommend just going and reading that, he describes it all better than I could (and again maybe you already have idk)

I feel like the tbob dream note could be taken a number of ways (and, while I wouldn't actually ask it cause i feel like leaving it up to imagination is actually more interesting in a creative engagement kind of way, i'm desperate to know what hypothetical answers are hiding behind that "usually" oh ford) but the thing that sticks out to me is. i mean it's very difficult to read it as straight isn't it. ford has recurring dreams about being quizzed on "what he's attracted to" and consistently dodges the question (doesn't even give a straightforward answer like "nothing", he misdirects back onto his logical smartguy persona) it's definitely a nod to fans too, sure, but in-character it's no-way-out firmly establishing that his sexuality specifically is on the Grand List of Stanford Pines Insecurities. we definitely got a nod to this way back in j3 of course- the ford&fidds campout conversation- but this i think this new tidbit betrays a much more internal fixation/anxiety than "it's confusing to me and I don't really want to think about it for more that a minute at a time" (<-the vibe his j3 stuff had more of to me) TL;DR whatever he is, i do not think you can call this man canonically straight at all lmao. W

(ok i'm losing track of my own thoughts a bit here. i should've outlined this like an essay lmao. back on track-)

In terms of what I personally believe/headcanon? honestly i'm in a funny in-between place right now- if you asked me last week i'd just say "he's gay probably" but this has me Thinking now in a more "ok, what cooperates best with canon and how I personally view him" way and the "ford aroace" people are making some interesting points. my most recent idea of him that i've been rolling around in my mindscape like a shiny rock goes basically like this:

(putting this under a cut)(also this goes wildly off-topic for a while because i love talking about ford. i promise it is tangentially related and relevant to my argument)

ford is repressed in how he deals with people because people are confusing and often scary (history of bullying and ostracization, we all hc him as some kind of autistic, etc.), and this extends to how he views romance/sex- if you don't see yourself as safe/belonging among other humans it can be extremely difficult to imagine yourself in such intimate dynamics with them (accepted, loved) and ford is very well established to close himself off to keep himself safe. the prospect of "romance" is by default more unsettling than it could ever really be comforting to him (within his ability to imagine it, at least) outside of the rarer "what if i was just normal and nobody bothered me for existing" fantasy, which is its own can of worms,,

another part of this is my (more arbitrary/i know because im right forever/because i lived it) hc that the elder pines twins' parents didn't really love each other by the time they were raising stan and ford, it was more of a "we both pay the rent/keep the family going, we may not strictly like each other and yeah there's a screaming fight or two every few years, but divorce is off the table because it would leave us both financially up the creek, so you do what you gotta do" situation. which has the potential to do. things. to how you think about Traditional Ideas of Couples and Suchlike. take my word for it.

another important part, though i find myself getting technically off-topic for a ways here, my apologies- i've been thinking about ford's Patterns with his attachments, in that he generally has one Main Person to focus on and trust at a time, and for a most of his life these attachments end Badly- throughout his entire adolescence he has stanley as that person, they exist in constant contrast to each other, their own self-perceptions are defined by their existence as a duo, covering for each other's weaknesses (to the extent that they can ignore traits in themselves that "double up", so to speak- stanley is the dumb muscle and ford is the booksmart genius with potential- no way out of that)(their dad affects this too)(oof) he and stan have a really awful falling-out that leaves ford with the belief that his One Person was willing to sabotage his future, completely disregarding ford's own feelings or sense of security and agency, just to get his way. (strike 1.5? against ford's ability to trust people) --- in college he attached to his roommate, fiddleford- and they genuinely get along and compliment each other really well! they're besties for life! yippee! so ford has a Person again, to exist next to, to prop himself up. but their lives go in different directions- they both move on with their studies/careers, and ford winds up in gravity falls, alone, where he has trouble again interacting with the locals and spends all his time wandering the woods, with endless hours for introspection. --- enter- Bill! :) bill becomes ford's 3rd Person, and he flatters ford and manipulates him and validates him and offers him everything he could ever shallowly imagine would solve all his problems and patch up the gaping hole in his self-worth forever definitely (while reminding him of what he remembers/imagines of his brother most likely, ow) bill is also more "safe" than other people, he's an anomaly, a supernatural phenomenon, even, and he lives exclusively inside ford's head. he's a perfect, safe, obsession target. (billford situationship essay for another day)

until he's not, of course.

until his college bestie Person is back too, and he's more Real than bill in a way that's very comforting, but fidds is another strong influence, one for the better, and bill can't have that around, he has to go. after that his relationship with bill also turns sour extremely quickly in a terrifying way, which leaves ford shaken and unmoored and desperate, which leaves... stan.

which also falls apart. (strikes 2, 3 and 1.5-the-sequal in rapid succession)

the 30 years spent multiverse-hopping are interesting to me too in how they affected ford- i think being around so much "abnormality"/being disconnected from his own world's ideas of normal did a lot to mellow him out- but he still couldn't really stick around anywhere to form deeper bonds with anybody, he's a wanderer until bill is dead, which may well end up killing ford in the process, so...

then! he's back home! which is bad! (from his perspective) but gives him the opportunity to try to Attach to a 4th Person- dipper! this was a secret essay on why i think he's Like That about dipper all along not about romance at all haha trick'd'ya! (i'm joking)

anyway you get the idea- fortunately he has a slightly wider support net by the end of the show between stan, fiddleford, and the kids- but to me it's relevant in that ford has a very limited network of people who he is close to at all, considering that his view on romantic relationships seems to orbit around "don't wanna think about that/that's scary, I don't know/etc.", and that for a long time the relationships(platonic or otherwise) that he did have were defined by their ending in trauma, guilt, and shame. it makes sense to me for him to not really be able to figure himself out, how do you dissect all the layers of the bonds you do manage to form, tease out one strong emotion from another, especially when you're always afraid of ruining something because this is all you have?

I guess, given all that rambling, to me he lands within some combination of demi-aroace(attraction of any kind is rare and difficult to distinguish from other emotions, needs a strong base first) and too repressed and deeply, deeply traumatized to really say what comes naturally and what's his brain trying to protect him from being hurt. he knows that something is, by the standards of humanity, "wrong" with him, but it's just another note on a long list of "reasons normal people don't like him". and he's gay.

-----

ok i probably forgot some stuff but i think thats my thoughts on that lmao. anyway BOOK OF BILL this makes me. so crazy. hasnt left my brain for days. i will never be the same i called these shots i CALLED them. but i couldn't imagine. anyway-

while i'm still talking about ford, i love that this book let him be more emotionally vulnerable than j3 did, i feel like there was a harsher impression of ford among fans for a long time (at least, with people who weren't already Obsessed with him) because he has limited time in the actual show for his character to be established, and a lot of j3 either had him on the defensive, or still stuck in "everything ever is my fault" mode. getting a better view both of how bill manipulated him, and how he's still affected by it "postcanon" puts him way more in line with. how i've seen him all along basically!! augh. he's lonely and insecure and afraid and wants so, so badly to connect to people,, "the ego of a king. the insecurity of a circus freak." compare to "my immense self hatred vs my delusional god complex" we were so right.

his last section of the book is. so so perfect i'm so glad we have that- it wraps up what felt like a loose end with other pieces of canon leaving him on "i'm the biggest idiot in the world" which felt. bad. all things considered. but tbob lets him air out that soul-crushing shame in such a beautiful way- both in letting us the audience actually See how it was with him and bill before, and his family reassuring him that they love him and don't carry some massive sense of Blame for him being manipulated... it hurts good man. perfect place to end on. he's gonna be ok it'll be ok.

related- possession pages go crazy. like that is some "i've read fanfiction less fucked up than this" shit and I [the rest of this sentence redacted for my dignity] what was i saying. the dream scene was so viscerally upsetting. the "light switch". the stretching. (alex drop a link to your ao3 account. urgh) bill is so so so scary for that brief moment which is an amaaazing essential addition to the book that actually made me feel horrifically personally sorry for the little bastard for the first time maybe ever. i mean this so genuinely he's the worst he's been he's the saddest he's been it's a beautiful tapestry drawing me in. it's gonna occupy my brain for weeks. maybe months. he's desperate to hold on to ford he's desperate for his plans to work for once and he's pissed as hell but also now he has an excuse to cut loose- he doesn't have to hide his angry, shitty, abusive side from this little human that he's grown so attached to(who he sees himself in)- he can see ford and ford can see him (or, what he's willing to think of as "himself")(where did you all go-) and ford is just living a nightmare that he couldn't have possibly imagined. incredible

i'm practiced at being emo about ford i've been emo about ford since 2015 but the bill thing is new to me (not strictly the lore, i was around for the reddit AMAs/the axolotl poem, but the elaboration-) and it's killing me. he's so fucked. he's hopeless. he's fucked himself up so bad and refuses to get any better because just looking at it inside his head is too much. there's a loud buzzing in his ears and he blacks out for 30 seconds. everyone loved him he was the best baby ever. sixer, it would eat you alive. the doctor says three sips a day will make the visions go away. where did you all go. he's fine, he's fine, he's fine. it's all hitting me fresh like it's brand new, funy nightmare triangle abandonment issues go brrrr-

he wants ford to want him so bad he wants to not be alone so bad. hes awful he ruins every chance he gets and it's all genuinely his own fault. fuck (im not gonna talk about "pain is hilarious" im not gonna be cringe im not gonna do it) blacked-out list of exes love and fear are the same love cage you're my property if lost return to bill cipher covered in blood all alone in the universe-

I was gonna elaborate on those last scraps but. i am running out of brain. big week for ford enjoyers. big week for me being so so sad (/pos) ☀️

#stanford pines #tbob spoilers #this got so so long. thanks for the opportunity lol #if you wanna rant too please please go for it. book good #whadda show........

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aheathen-conceivably · 4 months ago

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1, 10, 12, and 25! - lgl

LGL always a joy in the inbox 😊

1. What’s the last screenshot you’ve taken for your story?

Trying to get them spoilers here, huh? 😜

The last screen I took was actually while testing some pose edits. It is a blessed photo, so please enjoy (and speculate)…

10. Is your story fully planned or are you still working things out? is there a definitive end?

Kind of, definitely, and yes.

More specifically, I have a number of specific details planned out. I always like to ramble about how it’s like scaffolding being built toward the sky. The higher you go the less the structure is there, and you can see all the cracks and still need to figure out how to actually get to the next solid point, which is where the inspiration and flexibility comes in. But overall, yes, I have the final scene of the story written. Imma need a whole ass team if I’m ever gunna get there at this rate though 😅

12. Do you actually play the game or do you just use it as a storytelling medium?

Specifically in the Darlington save? Probably like 20/80 at this point. I play between story shoots to kind of mimic the arcs, so it’s more me just imitating my own story in gameplay vs. actually playing the game and letting it influence my writing at all.

25. What inspirations have you drawn on for your story?

Goodness, gracious. Everything? If that’s a fair answer? 😅

Movies I love, books I read, history I’ve studied, songs that hit, fellow storytellers, tropes that make my brain itch, personal experiences, the color of the sky sometimes, a single word my husband says. Honestly? Fun times out here when you’ve got the Darlington brain rot.

To narrow it down I think that the 1890s/1900s were more inspired by my own aesthetics and decades challenges in general, and things got a little more personal around 1910 (which is why I usually tell people that’s when I start to really like the story). Those years were heavily inspired by Downton Abbey and Titanic (of course). And as broad stroke inspiration, I’m sure y’all know I’m fond of the “it glitters so brightly you don’t even see the tragedy until it’s too late” vibes that Titanic has (cue my other favorite films Cabaret and Moulin Rouge).

The 20s are inspired by New Orleans, I cannot state it enough. By everything I felt in my years there and everything I learned during my MA. More specifically, it was heavily drawn from Mister Jelly Roll and Empire of Sin. We also have some Gatsby in there, of course 😉

Now in the 30s I’m really having a blast, because I feel like I’m pulling inspiration for all the previous decades (Gatsby references coming when?) as well as hinting toward future ones (a certain littlest heiress and her obsession with the Wizard of Oz comes to mind). Combined with that is so much rich inspiration for this decade itself, coming heavily from Route 66: A Cultural History and The Grapes of Wrath specifically , as well as broader ideas of Americana, country and blues music, and the symbolism/beauty of the desert.

This decade has also really made me realize just how much inspiration I draw from place, and how it not only influences my style of descriptive writing (which in and of itself is inspired by Anne Rice), but also makes me so interested in how a location and its history influences people and the path of the story. I feel like it grounds me not just in a time period, but how that time period may have been different in specific locations and how different characters react to those factors.

#thank you for the opportunity to ramble #I shall cut myself off now 🤣#also that screenie is unedited I’m sorry it’s so dark #but the LOOK OF LOVE on her face omg 😭#okay okay #ask game #simblr ask game

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rachthepoet · 4 months ago

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Matilda Analysis

A poignant narrative delving into themes of self-liberation, healing from past traumas, and a journey toward healthy love for the sake of oneself and nobody else. It's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, delivered in an intimate and comforting atmosphere soundtracked by gentle instrumentation. This eloquent reminder to whoever needs to hear that it's never too late to seek the love you deserve and cultivate a life filled with joy and acceptance. Even if one must do so independently and abundantly.

The listener may not know the character of Matilda personally, but they know of her intuitively, anybody who can spare a few minutes to listen is invited in miraculously, as the song's configuration allows. And, what waits inside for those who venture? Harry sitting with his guitar, a concerned friend right as you need someone to be.

Here's a deep dive into Harry Styles' Matilda, from a poet.

Roald Dahl's 'Matilda' + Harry's Take

Roald Dahl (1916-1990) was a British novelist, short-story writer, poet, and screenwriter. He has composed many children's books, and has been bestowed the title of "one of the greatest storytellers for children of the 20th century". His knack was for writing children's books interlaced with rather dark, adult themes — like 'Matilda'.

If you didn't grow up with the book and/or haven't had the chance to read it, here is a summary for a bit more familiarity, which will lead to a more engaged discussion here! But, also, if you're familiar with the 1996 film, as many are, you should be just fine! As mentioned before, much of Dahl's works covered much darker themes. The children's book 'Matilda' speaks clearly of the following: emotional and physical abuse, tyranny, misogyny, scamming, attachment theory, and, the most obvious, child abuse and neglect.

In short, attachment theory believes that every child needs to form a relationship with at least one primary caregiver to develop, healthily, emotionally and socially. In 'Matilda', our main character lacks that primary caregiver until she meets Miss Honey. The impact of Miss Honey's warmth, care, and understanding on Matilda is so grand that trust is built (she reveals her telekinesis power to Miss Honey) and leads to a happy ending, as Matilda's attachment to Miss Honey wins over the weaker attachment of her parents — and Matilda moves in with Miss Honey, finding a loving and caring home/family at last.

Now it's time to circle it back to Harry's Matilda. I believe that Harry has taken on the role of Miss Honey as a complementary to the subject to whom he's disguised as quote-en-quote "Matilda" — a stylistic choice I have no doubt was heavily influenced by Dahl's tale. Not only is Harry a friend giving advice and refuge, but also a welcoming sense of care and a second home, which further ties into the third album's theme as a whole — debates of a house versus a home, and what home means to a person.

In the song Matilda, Harry alludes to similar situations, with direct connections to attachment theory and child abuse/neglect. As the audience solely, we don't know the specifics of the problem, but these are the main issues I grasp from the lyrics alone. Roald Dahl's Matilda, as told in the book, has much intellectual prowess — she's too smart, almost an adult in a child's body, most likely an effect of her circumstances' cause. Yet, set aside the knowledge of her adventurous nature and wits, there's no clear yes or no to answer if Matilda needs comfort. For she never cries, adamantly refusing to do so, and never seems to show weakness. She's too smart for that, after all. The single time she outright exhibits sadness about not feeling the love from her parents is when she's four and confiding in the librarian. I'm going somewhere, by the way, I promise you.

With Harry's Matilda in Matilda, lots of the same traits resurface. An adventurous spirit and a bright mind, but also the tendency to keep sucking it up and not letting one fall to tenderness, because it's been perceived in the brain as a weakness. None of what happened seemed wrong to her until a certain point. This is, apparently, no big deal, or so she says. Harry's Matilda speaks of her experiences like it's nothing at all, but it's everything. She's mighty like her fictional character namesake, so bright and lively that she can light up even the darkest days.

Upon a delicate, sadly playful melody of strings, Harry takes on the role of a friend but also a caregiver to show love to his character of Matilda. The Miss Honey, as alluded to before. In Matilda, Harry makes it a point to show Matilda the love she never received from those who should've given it freely. He expresses that, while none of this is his business, he's been thinking about it in concern. He tells her that she can start a family that will love her, will care for her, and there's nothing to be sorry for. With a wide, bright smile and a sharp mind, Matilda, you can let it go, and you don't have to be sorry for doing so. Let us show you what healthy love feels like.

Lyric Pull Apart

[VERSE 1] You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels Nothing 'bout the way you were treated ever seemed especially alarming till now So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal

You were riding your bike to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" / And you're trying to lift off the ground on those old two wheels: Here a little scene is set, and provides the listener with so much context and information. It's an idyllic childhood moment to picture, riding a bike, but there are cracks already. Cracks in a carefree childhood, cracks in what should've been. The line to the sound of "It's No Big Deal" had people frantically searching for a song to connect, but, from the language used, I never thought of it that way. Rather, it's the soundtrack of dismissiveness, instigated by those Matilda is surrounded with. There isn't a soundtrack of laughter or encouragement, but rather a shrug. It's in the frame of something heard, not something spoken, or, extending, something felt. To the details, the image of the bike is given as those old two wheels — tired, worn, maybe even inadequate. Strong symbolism there.

Then, trying to lift off the ground gives many implications and layered feelings. There's the literal, with a kid trying to play about and do cool tricks, alone on their old bike, maybe dangerous tricks, leaning into the absent parental presence, and maybe seeking attention. There's the symbolic, the imaginative, the evoking of childhood nostalgia and yearning. There's the metaphorical, to fly, rising above where they are stuck, an ache to escape.

Nothing 'bout the way you were treated ever seemed especially alarming till now / So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal: Those who've experienced trauma may feel or are told that their mistreatment is normal, and/or they shouldn't be the ones to complain because others have it worse. Therefore, they won't speak out because their minds have been conditioned that their issues are nothing to speak of. An internalization. But, as distance and time are gained away from the situation, realization becomes stronger than internalization.

Then, So you tie up your hair and you smile like it's no big deal curates a heartbreaking image of Matilda, self-sufficient and positive because she had to be, tying up her hair with a smile because she never saw the way she was treated as anything but status quo. It's a tragic echoing of the first line of the verse and also parallels Dahl's Matilda with the ribbon in her hair. It relates to the idea of putting on a mask, covering something up by pretending like everything is fine. Matilda, maybe, doesn't want to burden him with her problems and repeats rehearsed mantras in place of it. But, he sees straight through this, and the speaker assures Matilda that she doesn't have to hide, for he's there to listen and care.

And then we get another heartbreaking image, of Matilda as self-sufficient and positive, tying up her hair with a smile because she never saw the way she was treated as anything but normal, and a tragic echo of the first line, where she smiles “like it’s no big deal” - because it’s all she’s heard, the sound of her parents saying it’s no big deal, and she believes them.

[CHORUS] You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, mmm

But the chorus is telling Matilda directly: you can let it go. It's so comforting and beautiful. He is reassuring the character of Matilda that she can drop the smile and acknowledge the inevitable pain caused (see verse 2), and then let it go and let herself grow. It's a gentle, validating way of saying that she didn't deserve the pain back then and doesn't deserve to hold onto it now. The speaker suggests that Matilda, and by extension the listener, has the power to create a new life for herself — one filled with people who have genuine care for her and those who provide the love that has been missing. Attachment theory.

You can throw a party full of everyone you know and not invite your family 'cause they never showed you symbolizes a break from the past and the forging of a new path defined by one's autonomy. Her family, the site of all of this complication and guilt and hurt, whom she now acknowledges caused her pain and never showed her the love she deserved. But now she can go out and seek that love. A reminder to Matilda that she can seek happiness elsewhere and build a chosen family based on love and respect.

Then, the ending line, You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up, is so important. When trying to extract oneself from an abusive environment, the blame will be twisted and put on the victim. They might try and make Matilda a stranger as a repercussion for her spreading her wings and thriving in the absence of their negative influence. And, here, the speaker is reassuring Matilda that you don't have to feel sorry for leaving and growing up. And, the language choice is interesting, for saying growing up akins it automatically to something natural, something that's bound to happen. Something you shouldn't feel guilty over. He says to Matilda that she should never feel apologetic for her growth.

[VERSE 2] Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright But I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind

Matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright / But I know you feel like a piece of you's dead inside: This is the only time within the song that there's a direct address to Matilda, although there's an underlying assumption that the song is being spoken to her throughout. This direct address serves a purpose though, as I believe it amplifies the words that follow it, you talk of the pain like it's all alright. While verse 1 framed Matilda as a child, this verse (verse 2) frames Matilda as an adult. She is doing the same thing, the same coping mechanisms, that were instilled in her when she was a child — "it's no big deal" and "it's all alright".

Closely followed by but I know that you feel like a piece of you's dead inside is where the speaker, in one of the few lines in the song to reference an "I", acknowledges Matilda's pain for her. He makes it known that he can see the pain that she's in, even as she tries to dismiss it. It also acknowledges a major recognition of the loss of self due to this past trauma and pain.

You showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest days: This line is just so gorgeous. I have such love in my heart for it. And I feel like many overlook the intention with the word choice, which lends to its touching nature. Choosing the words you showed me a power versus you are the sunshine in the darkest days (or something along those lines) changes the meaning, and makes more of a splash. The meaning shifts from you are sunshine, you are goodness, you deserve to be loved — which is not without its own lovely connotation, of course — to being around you, you radiate this energy and you can teach other people how to love.

In companionship to what's been told about Matilda, to imply that she has this power to bring the sun to the darkest days, to teach someone how to find the sun in their darkest days when she has experienced dark days... it's beautiful. And it's so important to notice that detailed difference and reiterates the notion that as sad of a song as Matilda is, it's also incredibly empowering.

It's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind: And then, the speaker takes a step back. It's not about his experience, and he acknowledges that separation, but does not withdraw his care or concern. It's none of my business is a delicate way to respect Matilda's boundaries regarding her past and the choice of what her relationships look like. He doesn't want to tell Matilda what to do and deny her agency, for then he would become just another one of the people who mistreat her. But it's just been on my mind illustrates the care of the speaker once more, a complement to what precedes it and to the song entirely.

"It's a weird one, because with something like this, it's like, 'I want to give you something, I want to support you in some way, but it's not necessarily my place to make it about me because it's not my experience.' Sometimes it's just about listening. I hope that's what I did here. If nothing else, it just says, 'I was listening to you'." — Harry Styles

[CHORUS ADD ON VARIATION 1] You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love You don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up You can see the world, following the seasons Anywhere you go, you don't need a reason 'Cause they never showed you love You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own

This is the first variation on and second iteration of the chorus, and it hits on the same themes as the first iteration. The first new line is You can see the world, following the seasons. Matilda can leave, not just her family but where she's from, and she still doesn't owe her family justification or reasons. The latter comes from the following anywhere you go, you don't need a reason. The sentiment is continued by the line you don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own which is the repeated parallel to the previous you don't have to be sorry for leavin' and growin' up. It's so good. In one sense, it applies to the lines immediately preceding it — you don't have to be sorry for traveling and seeing the world on your own. Yet, because of the repetition, there's this parallel created that also refers to growing up. Matilda doesn't have to be sorry for growing up on her own. A grand acknowledgment that Matilda raised herself, and that comes with both sorrow and pride. The sorrow that she had to raise herself alone, but the pride that she is who she is as an adult because of herself.

[BRIDGE] You're just in time, make your tea and your toast You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes, ooh You don't have to go You don't have to go home Oh, there's a long way to go I don't believe time will change your mind In other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore As long as you can let them go

This whole ballad is truly a tour de force, but the bridge is the one to knock me off my feet every time. Much like Harry has done for the listeners with 'Harry's House', the speaker invites Matilda into his home. In the song's case, both literally and metaphorically.

You're just in time, make your tea and your toast: Tea and toast is such a cozy and homey image, and indicates this welcoming, specificity in welcoming into routines, like a fresh pot of tea and a nice piece of toast in the middle of the afternoon. There's no push or rush, as indicated with the you're just in time, as it was and will always be based upon Matilda's timeline. It's a sense of found family and a safe place to land after she's previously seen the world, followed the seasons, and all that. Welcome home, welcome to the party, welcome to the place where you can be you without begging for the allowance to do so.

You framed all your posters and dyed your clothes: I think this is a beautiful way to signify that somebody grew, focusing on the smaller details. But, additionally, there's a full circle moment, calling back to childhood — experiencing the small joys she never had the chance to, as her childhood was spent in a survival state. You framed all your posters and made this new house a home with favorite things from your childhood, now with an added sense of sophistication that was missing previously. You dyed your clothes, changing them to better fit a new stage of life. Parts of Matilda's childhood can be brought into adulthood with her, and reinvented to be rid of the negative connotations that may still be attached. You can let it go.

You don't have to go / You don't have to go home: The speaker reintroduces himself in the song to speak and bring more reassurance to Matilda, with nurturing and welcoming at the forefront. You don't have to go away from where we've invited you, Matilda, with your favorite teas and the way you like your toast, you don't have to go away from this place of people who love you for you. You don't have to go home reminds Matilda that she doesn't have to go back to the people and place she cut ties with, and that's okay. the use of the word home has intrigued me for quite a while, but I think it indicates that Matilda is still presently on the journey to let go of her past.

Oh, there's a long way to go / I don't believe time will change your mind / In other words, I know they won't hurt you anymore / As long as you can let them go: These last lines of the bridge importantly acknowledge the journey — not just of life, and not just the growing up and traveling and exploring — of healing. It's a bittersweet moment here, gently saying there's a long way to go. It isn't solved, it isn't over — for nothing ever is packaged up that neatly in reality. I don't believe time will change your mind, to me, is him saying that it won't be as simple as letting time fall between her and what happened. A lot of blood and tears is going to have to be shed to truly get to the point where it's not a constant background ache. Leading into, I know they won't hurt you anymore as long as you can let them go. Matilda, you need to give yourself permission to let this all go, both the situation and the facade you've been putting on. Let yourself feel, then let it go.

[CHORUS ADD ON VARIATION 2] You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know You can start a family who will always show you love You don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own You can let it go You can throw a party full of everyone you know You can start a family who will always show you love You don't have to be sorry, no

The shift in the final chorus can be undetectable if the listener isn't paying attention. But, once it's caught, it's impossible to miss again. This is a second variation of the chorus, on its third iteration. In the earlier verse of the chorus, the third line was And not invite your family 'cause they never showed you love. But, after Matilda has worked to let them go, it evolves to You can start a family who will always show you love — highlighting the beauty of found family, a family of choice. And with this evolution in the chorus, the meaning of doin' it on your own has changed, because rather than a reference to growing up or leaving and traveling, but starting a family, one who will love you, and Matilda has done it with her own autonomy. It's the next step on the road to healing, and there's always this reassurance that Matilda can do this on her own. He gives the power back to her and puts it in her palms, for she is strong and she is resilient.

Therefore, the whole message, the thesis statement of the song, lies in the final line: you don't have to be sorry. The song of Matilda is a conversation between her and the speaker, and in response to her unspoken guilt. In the various forms and layers, the repeated lyrics and parallels, context stacked on context, the listener — us, the spectators — is enveloped in the depth of Matilda and her journey. But, in that final line, all specificities and complexities are stripped, to simply conclude it all: you don't have to be sorry, let go of the guilt, and you can be happy.

Matilda left me reeling in a puddle of tears on the first listen, and my emotions are instigated with each listen after. Pieces that send me into a wave of emotions set off a green light, they'll always be my favorite. In a way, Harry has become our Ms. Honey in times we've felt like Matilda, gifted us a chosen family with those who bond over his music. Much like this song, beautiful and evocative it is.

A grand indicator of a great writer is the ability to write so deeply about experiences not necessarily connected to them and their own experience. The times where Harry is the 'outside looking in, narrator of other people's experiences' songwriter has always been something I admire, and the songs I find the most intriguing to study. There's a full narrative, and we are brought into the same emotions Matilda was experiencing at the moment, therefore fully enveloping us in the story. I don't know, you just feel it. And I love that you just feel it.

And he takes such care and consideration with this delicate story. He doesn't have to name them specifically or be overbearing with identifying details, but cleverly uses well-known themes of the Dahl children's book to explore feelings and show understanding. It's a warm song full of strength and bursting with love. A seldom promise to always be there and understanding to a friend who's felt alone and misunderstood in a time when they should've been heard. Making sure they know their power and the power of care and nurturing. And Harry, in Harry's House, will always show you love.

dedicated to this anon <3

Thank you for reading, you’re absolutely incredible! If there are any songs you’d like me to make an analysis of, please send your request to my inbox! along with any questions or insights you might have yourself!

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salubriwrites-blog · 2 months ago

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A Weird Dive into my favorite ships

This started as an answer to an anonymous question but... it grew a little bit. I have no forward except to please drink water today! Love you!!!!

I'm actually pretty new still to writing fanfiction. I've been an avid writer since I was 10 and was even working on getting my own book published. From there I springboarded into TTRPG design where I wrote world building, lore, and characters for IPs like Call of Cthulhu and Vampire: The Masquerade. I only really just got into writing *fan fiction* in the last 2 years.

My first fanfic/ship was actually pretty silly. I was on the Encanto hype train when that movie first came out (can you believe its been 3 years???) and I loved, loved, loved Bruno Madrigal. He was the traumatized, distraught uncle living in the walls of Casita trying to fix the internal damage that came from Abuela's treatment of La Familia. His intentions were pure, and he obviously had gone through a lot to drive him to the point where we see him in the story. This was the first branch I would hit falling down the "I can fix them" tree.

The story is cute and has a happy ending, but as we all know in the real world, unlearning toxic behavior and overcoming life long trauma takes time. So I wrote a BrunoxOC story about it. I ended up orphaning it because I veered the story off in a direction I didn't like because the group I was part of were heavily influencing my creative choices. Boo, hiss I know, but I was still pretty new within the fanfiction genre so I buckled.

Moving on!

My second fiction that I put a lot more love into - sorta I may go back and rewrite parts of it now - was my YorickxOC fiction.

Yorick was my first ever League of Legends love. Fucking love that haunted beef cake. The Ruined Event did him dirty, the Ruined King Game did him dirty, and the book probably did him dirty too (I haven't read it). My Gravekeeper needs ALL THE LOVE because he is absolutely going through it in sheer solitude (though the Illaoi story where he goes to help destroy Viego's amulet gave me hope that now he gets visitors sometime on the island).

Remember Yorick Mori: Before the Ruination This was my first completed and quite hefty fiction weighing in at 153k words: it followed his story where he starts out on a lonely little fishing island called Portia (it doesn't have a name in Lore). He ends up on a slightly busier island that is situated off the coast of Helia (Blessed Isles capitol) and begins his journey to understand why he can communicate with the Dead. He meets a cast of charming monks that want to both see him thrive and maintain status quo. He even meets the owner of the bakery that barters with the Order of Dusk - whom he naturally falls in love with immediately. Rosalie McKahn is not a self insert. I don't make self inserts when I write OCs because I hold myself to a weird standard - also I don't see myself being compatible with most of these characters. Would I still like them to do unspeakable things to me? Oh shit yes. But from a story standpoint, I don't do self inserts. So Rosalie was not one of those. The story follows a young Yorick through his years of servitude to the Order of Dusk, uncovering dark secrets, finding confidence to become the man that he will need to be when the Ruination comes. Rosalie was not the only person who helped to build Yorick up in this story, but their love is what gives him the strength to keep fighting when the rest of it was bleak. This love eventually passes on to the Maiden of the Mist in the epilogue I have yet to write ^^;.

Then we got into the Heartsteel arc, and this was where I really found my love for the "I can fix them" dynamics. I have no shame in saying that I wrote all of "Making of Paranoia: Off Script" in a week's time while the music video played on a loop on my second monitor. I'm just not. That was where the neurons wanted me to go, and off I fucking went. I knew I liked Aphelios when he first debuted in League, but I was scared of him because he's an ADC with 5 guns. Skill Expression was not something I was confident enough in to pursue that character. But he was hot! He ha a backstory that excited me and had a lot of potential. I really wanted to explore Aphelios' dynamic with his sister and the Lunari elders - pigeon holing him into being a weapon of faith only.

I also knew I liked Yone, but was fearful of him for similar reasons. In the end I just nutted up, typed /mute all in game chat, and hit my head against the wall until I got M7 on Yone. His story is by far my favorite of all the League characters (rivaling Yorick's, of course). A man who spent his whole, short life trying to save someone who he thought was in danger of falling off the path of virtue? Only to come back and KEEP DOING IT but with extra steps??? WAITER ANOTHER PLEASE.

But I didn't really anticipate putting these two characters together within the canon sense. I didn't see a way that they could meet (though one of my friends has since written a beautiful fiction where it shows how they do meet, and how they do connect! https://archiveofourown.org/works/52384363/chapters/132517315 )

BUT THEN. BUT THEEEEN.

I was watching Paranoia for the 69th time that day and I saw THIS VERY SPECIFIC CLIP where the only person who looked the most remote bit of concern for Aphelios' well being was YONE. Boom, Off Script was born.

Off Script was definitely the first FanFiction where I really jumped into my current dynamic. It follows after the filming of that day, cut short after Aphelios fell into a water tank with one of the drones. Yone is going to check on him, and Aphelios is lamenting that no one else has come to see if he's alright. Not even his boyfriend, Sett.

This infuriates Yone because that's just not good boyfriend behavior, and he promises Aphelios that - should he be given the chance - Yone would treat him 10x better than Sett has, is, or ever will.

Also who wouldn't want to be treated like a princess by this specimen? Let's not fool ourselves. Anyway - Paranoia gave me a chance to explore this dynamic in a new way. Yone had issues of his own - I had to find a way to implement his Arzakana nature into a modern AU so I opted for "intrusive thoughts" that encouraged him to do some generally not nice things. In Yone's backstory he was a toxic person, used people up, whored his way through most of his opportunities, and was a bad brother to Yasuo. Yone initially followed Yasuo into the music making industry because he wanted to help his baby brother succeed - and he didn't really know what he wanted to do with his own life. Yone then got it into his head that maybe he and his brother could make music TOGETHER. Yasuo didn't want that because True Damage was doing it's own thing and - for just once in his life - he wanted something that only he had made, not with his older brother. Yone takes his poorly, and being the toxic brother that he is, makes a scene at an industry party and gets booted out. Yasuo cuts him out of his life. On his drunken, staggering tirade through the streets of Valoran City, Yone gets into an accident. He dies. But then suddenly gets resuscitated! I'm not a doctor so I just literally chalk it up to a freak accident that Yone comes back. While Yone believes that it's a second chance. He wakes up in the coroner's office in a cooler, and bangs and screams at the door the whole night until the coroner ME comes in the next morning to fetch the John Doe. Yone doesn't know who he is anymore, but he knows he can't be the asshole now cause that's what got him killed. So he spends time reflecting, soul searching. He knows he still loves making music, and though he gets a desk job and lives this semi-stable life, he still dreams of making music.

Enter Heartsteel.

Aphelios' twin sister is already a multi-platinum artist who runs her own record label - Lunari Studios. Aphelios is on the other side of the story - he's just kind of following Alune around and standing back as she shines. He knows he's talented - he knows a million instruments and helps Alune with her production, but he doesn't think that he could do it all by himself. When he and Sett start dating, it's more of the same. Sett is big and loud, people are drawn to him and his style, and it gives Aphelios someone to latch onto that isn't his sister for once. In Off Script, Aphelios' fate would have been the silent lyricist and musician for the band. He would have told himself that he was happy with standing back.

Except after the events of the music video, Yone won't let him. Yone encourages him to sing, to write bolder lyrics, to voice his opinion. Yone helps Aphelios find confidence, and in return Aphelios lets Yone help him. All Yone really ever wants in any AU is to help, but helpful people can be toxic too. Aphelios allows Yone to do that, but with his own confidence can help draw boundaries on when Yone is being too supportive, or investing too much of his own energy. In the Heartsteel AU I wrote, they are happy together ^^

I finished Off Script around the time of Worlds 2023. Which was when they announced my Babygirl!

And boy what a journey THIS CHARACTER HAS BEEN.

Hwei has it all. The trauma, the growth, the setbacks, the hips, the style, the potential. Surprisingly though - I am not a huge fan of the JhinHwei ship. Maybe cause I see too much of myself and who I used to be in its dynamic. I've been both of those characters in my past relationships, but this isn't the place for that kind of deep dive.

Hwei is neat because he introduced a new idea to my ship dynamic. He's not broken, just lost. He's looking for himself and every person he meets is just a stepping stone on his journey to peace of mind.

I wouldn't call Hwei self assured, because he doesn't know who he wants or what he wants to be, but he knows he has all the tools to reach that end. I like shipping him with multiple characters with Hwei in different stages of his self-realization because he is an inspiring character. He can terrify and and awe in the same breath, depending on which version of him we're visiting.

For this last one we're departing League completely.

I got into HSR after Genshin got a little stale for me. Also I got a fancy new phone that I could actually play Hoyo games on, and HSR is the best for mobile play.

I got into HSR in the middle of the Penacony story, but my friends warned me that I'd love Aventurine when I met him. I spoiled myself by looking at pictures of him and OOH BABY

You can fit so much trauma in this baby.

Aventurine is another fun one because yes - he has a tragic fucking story and I would single handedly help him repopulate Sigonia if given the opportunity. But once again, Teeeechnically not broken.?? He has ghosts he faces throughout the story, and must address each aspect of himself before crossing the river, but by the time he's come out, I like to think he's at peace with who he had to become in order to survive. From fighting in pits, murdering his former owner, tricking the IPC, I don't think Kakavasha would have done any of that stuff. Aventurine, on the other hand-

It's a common theme when you are in survival mode because of trauma. Is he fully cured? Fuck no, but will he continue to strive to be the kind of person he wished would have saved him when he was a kid? Fuck yes.

Which is why we need to impregnate him.

My friends warned me I'd love Blade. I was determined to not, but then I went through the Jingliu story and learned about the High Cloud Quintet and it was over.

I just think this guy's hot. I know a lot of people ship him with Dan Feng and Jing Yuan (it's pretty hot, ngl), but I kinda like Blade/Kafka or Blade/Stelle. The Kafka angle is not so much romantic as it is a mutual understanding that they are both going down this journey together and it can get lonely sometime. So more convenience than romance.

I'm working on a Blade/Stelle story right now where - Best I Am, Prey You Become. It explores Stelle abandoning the trailblaze to join the Stellaron Hunters, and as part of her initiation Blade if voluntold by Kafka to train her. Their relationship is mentor/student and she is obviously hot for him, but Blade is an immortal, tired old man who doesn't have time for that. Except Elio has other plans, as Blade's script reaches a conclusion - he finds something worth dying for. When it comes to HSR Fanfictions I take a lot more creative liberty because I didn't follow the lore to the letter. Also I love world building so!!!! I also built Sigonia-IV for that story, I just gotta get the neurons to activate x.x

#favorite ships #fanfic #league of legends #lukai hwei #hwei #yone league of legends #heartsteel #aphelios league of legends #bruno madrigal #honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #hsr blade #trauma recovery #complex ptsd #blog #creative writing #Yorick lol

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nalyra-dreaming · 1 year ago

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Hello! You probably already answered this but I can't find it through search (seems like Tumblr has bugs as usual)

Now that it was confirmed that Lestat was floating in ep6 too (though idk why it was such a controversy before, it was very clear to me), what do you think about Louis saying he didn't know Lestat could fly? I interpreted it as him thinking floating and flying are two different things (are they? in show it was never outright stated, are we supposed to view them as different skills?)

What are your opinion on this?

Difficult.

It depends heavily (once more^^) on "where/when" we are in Dubai.

Because Louis' refusal to apply "flying" to Lestat contrasts directly to Armand's ability to do so.

The Dubai apartment was done/set up for Louis. But... done in a way someone else, someone not really in Louis' headspace thinks he would like it.

There's a reading room, with no natural light (and no real earth for Louis to dig his feet in), because "he was missing the natural world". There are books shelves, but they're high up (Louis could obviously get a ladder, but that's not the point, the point is control. They're not easily accessible - for him.) His food is brought to him. When he has an emotional "outburst" he has to "rest". Armand protects him from himself. The doors and windows are controlled.

I'd actually like to point at the excellent article by Linda Codega once more: Armand is the reason (to watch...)

Because ultimately a lot of what Louis tells is influenced by Armand being there:

"Louis telling the story of his first abusive relationship to a third party in front of his current boyfriend, who also may or may not be abusive. He recalls the worst parts of his relationship to Lestat (Sam Reid), but also the best parts of his relationship, emphasising over and over the vampire bond that they shared and the obsessive, narcissistic, toxic love they had for each other… again, in front of the vampire he is currently in a relationship with. The motivation to embellish the worst parts and understate the best parts is literally standing in the room with him."

Of course Louis knew Lestat could fly/float/whatever, imho. If nothing else but their first night was of course one to remember. (If they can really all fly already, but that's another theory/discussion^^).

The question really is why he pretended Lestat couldn't.

Was he trying to feed a "hungering heart"? Namely passing a pacifier to Armand, so to speak?

It depends, on where we are in Dubai. :)

Some have theorized that Louis might be a prisoner.

Personally I hope he isn't locked away for Lestat to rescue him, but that he is more closely to the Merrick ending. That still involves rescuing so to speak, but... a very different one.

I don't know if you've seen the new summary - once more the point is made that there is more underneath the memories, and that their relationship... has impact.

So to get back to your actual question^^:

I think Louis very well knew Lestat could fly. But for Armand to twist the memory of the fight (and aftermath) into what we were told that must have been a cataclysmic event.

And so Louis (himself) is left with this mix of memories of his own, and "the tale someone else told to him" as Rolin put it - and they don't quite make sense within the narrative.

Yet.

Which is why Daniel is and will continue to tear the narrative apart :)

#Anonymous #asks #ask nalyra #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #iwtv amc #iwtv 2022 #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #flying

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mamaangiwine · 2 years ago

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May I genuinely ask you about the history of western occultism? It's far from my comfort zone, and what I'm trying to discern is, from what I can see, grimoiric magic is heavily appropriative of Judaism, there seems to be no way around that. But I've heard the claim that it was originally born from genuine cultural diffusion, and that's why folks justify using it. Is there truth to that? I would love to dig into it if I can do so appropriately & respectfully. Any advice on where I should dig? Again I mean only respect in asking this, and thank you for considering my question.

Oh, anon. You do not know what you have unleashed.

This is gonna be a long one.

First off, 'Western Occultism' covers a large swath of practices and disciplines that range from the Medieval Era, to the Renaissance, as well as the Early Modern Period...so over a thousand years. It's vast umbrella includes astrology, alchemy, hermeticism, angel magic, and over a dozen notable grimiores as well as multiple other lesser ones- and it is not for the faint of heart.

I don't mean that in an elitist way either. I mean that some of this shit gets uncomfy real quick. Multiple grimoires are not shy about animal harm and endangerment. They do not flinch at the ethics of love or sex spells, and they certainly are not strangers to misogyny, racism or ableism. If interacting with any of that sounds distasteful to you, I would gently and lovingly suggest you steer clear.

And if you do choose to move forward? Well then I suggest, especially in the case of grimoires, that you are ready to study your ass off. Once again, I don't say this to be an elitist. I don't say this to show off my starry robe and my pointy wizard hat and my "learned" degree from wizard school. I say this because, otherwise, you will not have context for either the spiritual ideas that are trying to be conveyed in these books or the trap doors that are hidden in their pages.

Some grimoires were not meant for mass consumption or regard. Some books, The Picatrix being one, have recipes for philtres and salves that promise numerous benefits but are actually, literally, poison. Why? Because as a student of the occult you should know that pure bitter almond oil is poisonous, of course. Sometimes whole rituals will be detailed with one deviation that may, from the purview of the writer, cause the whole thing to come crashing down. Why? Because you should know that if Venus and Saturn, two planets whose natures are already at odds, are in contention it will sour the whole production. These writings do not give up their secrets easily. It demands a constant engagement supplemented with a hard won knowledge.

Now, in answer to your question: Did Westen Magic appropriate Judaism, or was it shared cultural proximity?

The answer is- yes. To both.

The history is longer than what I can write in a tumblr post but basically Medieval Christian Magic, Jewish Mysticism, and Islamic Mysticism were all in conversation with one another and were borrowing from eachother during this period of magical and spiritual advancement. Christian Magic did influence Jewish Mysticism, though not as much as Jewish Mysticism influenced Christian Magic; and neither as much as Islamic Mystcism influenced both. This blending of spiritual thinking was actually one of the things that made Spain the once great capital of magical thought and reasoning in the 12th century; due to its diverse Jewish, Muslim and Christian population.

This, along with the fact that there are many symbols, names, and spiritual ideas that Christianity brought into their religion post separation from the larger Jewish tradition, makes it difficult to identify whether certain aspects bled into Western Magic via direct cultural proximity and whether others were outright stolen...well, I mean the Hebrew was. The Hebrew was stolen.

However according to some academic theories, this theft may have even been the catalyst for some of the spiritual concepts later used in Kabbalah; Christian Ritual Magic influenced by Hebrew, in turn influencing Jewish Mysticism.

It must be said however that despite many Christians devotion to Hebrew, it was Jewish people who got stuck with the short end of the stick. Over time Jewish people would see themselves labeled as "demon worshippers" and "evil sorcerers" as their language became synonmus with magic.

This definitely presents a conundrum to modern practicioners. What then do we do with these grimoires? What to do with these traditions? If some of it is appropriative, do we throw it out? If some of it was influenced in moments of genuine human interaction and curiosity, do we label it 'permissible' despite the terrible anti-jewish sentiment on the rise in our modern era?

Both are valid questions, but no I personally don't condone their compelete disavowment; like many other traditons, Western Magic should be considered as a whole and with its complex history in mind. I think one should consider that these grimoires were far reaching and culturally influential, and in ways we cannot even begin to understand, or even untangle. A grimoire could be found in Ireland just as easily as in Spain, and not just in the libraries of white bearded men- which only makes sense. Some of what is in the grimoires came from the common people, and to the common people pieces of these books returned.

In terms of Western Magic, I think the magic community would have an easier time creating room for discussion, education and further collaboration. Such an approach would further these traditons in ways that we haven't seen for hundreds of years, and in ways not possible from the beginning. In fact, such groups already exist that contain both Jewish, Christian and Non-Christian practicioners.

With (all) of that being said-

There are ways to get around the parts you feel unsure about, or are approiative. For instance, in the case of most Hebrew, one could swap it out for Enochian since both are "heavenly" and "spiritual" languages. Such substitutions require knowledge of what you're working with and a willingness to experiment but they are possible. In fact, substitutions are necessary as it's not like you can just go buy the musk of a civet cat when you need it.

Personally, I feel the best books to start with are Agrripa's Occult Philosophy, Books 1-3 and 4. It is said that to read all four is akin to achieving a college level degree in Renaissance Magic. Any of the Grimoires in which Stephen Skinner is listed as an editor and collaborater are also great as they are usually more digestable.

As for history-

Dr. Justin Sledge's YouTube channel Esoterica is a great resource for all things Ancient and Medieval Magic Related.

Grimoires: A History of Magic Books by Owen Davis.

Ancient Jewish Magic: A History by Gideon Bohak.

And @woodland-goes, a practcioner of Western Magic and Grimoire Work also suggested I share this link. He has a podcast coming out very soon that will also be discussing what we've covered today and I wholly suggest you go and hit up his inbox if you have any more questions on the topic. He is far more knowledgeable than I.

Hope this helped anon.

#phew #this took some time and deep consideration #folk magic #spirituality #magic practitioners #western magic #western occultism #grimoire work #grimoires #agrippa #stephen skinner #occultism #ritual magic #magic history

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jedinightsister · 8 months ago

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hey can i ask: do river and sid get together in the slow horses books later? i miss them so much!

Okay, I finally listened to "Standing by the Wall", so I can provide my spoiler-filled answers below. ~

The short answer is yes, they do. And if you want to get Sid River content, you may well just pick up book 7, "Slough House". Granted, you'll end up missing out a lot of nuance and Mick Herron loves killing off his characters so it might get jarring to see unfamiliar faces if you just immediately jump to that book, but I think it can work just fine if you want canon Sid River content. There is a lot in that book.

Then if you want a sort of cherry on top, you can read "Standing by the Wall" as well. It's just a short story, so easy read, and Sid isn't exactly in the book, but we get a perspective from River's inner dialogue about them being together.

The long answer is...well, let me give a bit of my perspective toward them as a ship in the show and in the books.

I saw season one first, got obsessed, which is why I ended up binge reading through the book series. Season 1 is probably the season that was most closely adapted as the book (Slow Horses). Seasons 2-3 had bigger changes, but managed to still capture the feelings that I got from the books.

A huge part of what made Season 1 enjoyable is the interaction between Jack's River and Olivia's Sid. I always love in dynamics when the woman is a bit sassy straightforward and the guy just kinda accepts his loser status lol 😆 so yeah, their banter was very delightful.

That said, I don't think I necessarily ship them?? I mean, I certainly don't mind it. I totally see the potential. But I'd say a huge part of the ship's appeal is Jack and Olivia. They truly took on those characters and transformed them, gave them such chemistry. I really don't think I felt such chemistry when I read book 1. Herron definitely implied certain attractions there, but it fell flat for me.

Set aside the rather lack of chemistry in book 1 though, we get way more in book 7. Now, whether Herron's writing of romantic implications has improved, or I was heavily influenced by the charisma of the actors' portrayal, I'm not entirely sure. Most likely it is a combination of both. I have a vague but effective imagination, and I absolutely enjoyed reading their scenes with Jack and Olivia in mind. In fact, I wish the show will be renewed until this book at the very least, just so we can get that onscreen.

And then there's the short story, dealing with the aftermath of book 7. Bit spoilery territory here, but I assume you don't mind lol but fair warning to those who do and decided to read this anyway. 🤷‍♀️

In book 7, it was River's turn to have his near death experience. And the short story basically has a recovering River and thinking about how much Sid's presence in his life has helped him profoundly. There's even a very notable word choice of him thinking of 'coming home to Sid.'

She is his comfort person, and he is hers. I highly recommend book 7 just to see the depth of that comfort and trust, especially the one Sid had for River.

So chemistry aside, their bond feels heavily founded on shared trauma. I kind of wish they didn't get together yet and tried to sort themselves out first, but at the same time, I kinda like that they support each other. I'm just scared it will turn unhealthy for the both of them, and that is very likely given how Mick treats his characters hahaha 🥲. It's going to backfire on them some way or another.

In conclusion to this nonsense rambling, while I don't ship them fully, I see their potential and enjoy their interactions a lot. The show has done massive heavy lifting for me by putting the actors in my imagination while I read through the book scenarios of their interactions. I very much look forward to the next Slough House books so we can get a much better picture of them (or who knows, maybe Mick will time skip and they're not together anymore oof 💀). I also badly hope they will manage to get elements of Sid River in the show. They've already made changes that work better in show format, and getting Olivia back would only do the show much better. Whether that's feasible or not tho, I got no idea lol, but we can hope and dream. 😌

I hope my short and long responses were well worth the wait 😆🙈 thanks anon, keep slow horsing yeehaw! 🤠🐌🐎

#slow horses #slough house #BOOK SPOILERS #mick herron #sid baker #river cartwright #sid x river #river x sid #txt #thoughts

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bbpuckdrop · 1 year ago

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book review: thrown off the ice by taylor fitzpatrick

OHHHHH BOY OH HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING BOOK 15/5 STARS YOU OWN MY HEART NOW

okay so I was not planning to do any actual book reviews on this blog but this one really merits it. more detail under the cut but as a preview: PCS/resulting health issues, hockey romance, my heart was absolutely torn to shreds

Thrown Off the Ice by Taylor Fitzpatrick follows Liam and Mike. They're on the same team, but Liam is a rookie and Mike is a 30 year old enforcer. Their romance starts reluctant and hot and everything you'd expect from a forbidden contemporary romance that you have to keep hidden. Liam is high-energy and likes to push buttons. Mike likes his routine the way it is. Liam is a rising star. Mike is a traditional enforcer and that includes the physical repercussions that come with that role.

I won't go further into dynamic and plot but happy to discuss any potential CW/TW over messages.

holllllyyyyy shit this book just tore my heart out of my body and crumpled it up. I went through a whole travel pack of tissues and a few more. I still loved it so much. It may be hard for me to watch hockey quite the same way after reading this. Tore into me even more after rereading the dedication. Made me think a bit more about people like NolPat and Sid's post winter classic concussion (and so many others tbh. and my own sister.)

This book is part of a larger universe with many different reading orders but this the order I've gone in so far:

You Could Make a Life (published as an ebook on web retailers or available directly from the author in the uncut version [the one i read] here)

Giving In to the Influence (published here on Ao3)

Follow the North Star (published here on Ao3) (this ties in quite heavily with Thrown Off the Ice)

Vinny Gets a Life (published here on Ao3)

Thrown off the Ice (published as an ebook on web retailers or available here directly with a bunch of shorts included)

there are still so many stories in this universe but this is as far as I've gotten so far. if you search "you could make a life reading order" you'll probably get some answers about other ways you can take it

#ycmal #thrown off the ice #you could make a life #hockey books #hockey romance #book review #queer book review #sports romance #queer sports romance #lgbtq sports romance

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zukkaoru · 1 year ago

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20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @starrynightarchive and @feralshadowdemon, ty for the tag!! putting most of this under a cut since it's long lol

tagging (with no pressure): @that-was-anticlimactic @backhurtyy @rejectscanon

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

167 linked to my main ao3 account. maybe some others floating around that have been made anonymous or orphaned or something. who knows

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

965,845 - okay wow i did not realize i was that close to 1mil. huh

3. what fandoms do you write for?

well right now the bsd brainrot has taken hold of me and i cannot think of much else. but i do have a handful of zine fics for other fandoms that are in progress / will be posted eventually. i have a very long list of fandoms i have written for in the past; however, i would not recommend reading anything posted before 2021

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

plum blossom

you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

my calamitous love & insurmountable grief

five times ryan came out (and one time he couldn't)

(just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of

my disclaimer here is that these are absolutely nowhere even close to being by best fics and i kind of resent them being my top five

5. do you respond to comments

i'm trying🫠 i let like 600+ pile up in my inbox over the course of a year and a half (or more) and so i recently went through and just marked everything as read instead of actually responding. BUT (almost) all comments on fics posted since ~august 2023 will get responses. exceptions are if i literally don't know what to say bc i'm bad at talking to people sorry

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

you don't even want to know the horrors that showed up in my google docs this weekend. but also either if one of us dies or may we stay lost on our way home

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i'll go with this ultraviolet morning light just bc it's probably the greatest payoff since it takes longest to get to the happy ending

8. do you get hate on fics?

not typically but there have been a few mean comments over the years. actually i got one bookmark on a fic that's in a series for a fanweek that says "ignore the others in this series but this one is good" and honest to god it just made me laugh. like.. you do realize i can see that, right?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i can barely write kiss scenes

10. do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i don't usually BUT when i was in middle school my friend and i created The Megacrossover, which consisted of us putting a bunch of different book characters into a hunger games arena. and we just kept adding more fandoms, and having new characters be transported into the arena. it was a good time. this was also entirely handwritten as all fanfiction should be when you're 10-12 years old

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. definitely found one fic that was like. heavily influenced by mine back in my ouat days though

12. what's the longest you've spent working on a fic? and the shortest?

longest: over a year, at least shortest: a couple hours (not including editing)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

not technically since the megacrossover but corey and i co-come up with ideas like. at least once a week

14. what's your all-time favorite ship? from all fandoms?

outlaw queen has to be my answer to this forever and always. never forgive never forget 🏹🍎

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

too many to answer. probably the biggest one is the azula-centric sequel to tuvml that i simply do not have the attention to write bc the hyperfixations have travelled elsewhere :( there are many many others though. i have an endless amount of ideas and not enough time

16. what are your writing strengths?

people often tell me i'm good at characterization and tbh i do pride myself on knowing characters better than 97% of the rest of the fandom. not all of the characters. but most of them.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

short attention span </3

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

do whatever you want forever. but like.. respectfully

19. first fandom you wrote for?

probably percy jackson when i was like 10. no you cannot find that anywhere online because i, like an idiot, deleted it without saving a backup copy

20. favorite fic you've written?

definitely (i am) the whisper of a memory. i love a lot of my fics, but that is one i am especially proud of because i tried new things with the formatting and i think it worked really really well

#can't remember if i've done this one before or not but if i have it has been a While #tag game #idk what else to say here. i'm tired

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mysticstarlightduck · 1 year ago

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Happy STS! We all know about the tropes, elements, and themes we love (and in some cases, use over and over again) in our WIPs! In The Last Wrath, which trope, theme, or element did you choose NOT to include, and why? Was it a deliberate choice or did it just happen that way?

Happy Storyteller Saturday! Thank you for the Ask, @clairelsonao3!

This is a very good set of questions, I'll try my best to give it a great answer too!

In The Last Wrath, which trope, theme, or element did you choose NOT to include, and why?

I guess I wanted to stay away from the obvious typical overdone tropes from the high fantasy genre and try my best to subvert them *

For example, the Chosen One trope, I try to give all my characters deep importance to the story instead of ever using this trope, and even those that could be considered to have "prophecied ancient powers" - looking at Julyan here - are not Chosen Ones. The path is not paved for them, and often their "gift/blessing" bears far too great of a price or toll for them - especially until they learn to control it, and even afterward. With Julyan's character - the most overt subversion of this specific trope in TLW - his arc begs the question "What is the line between a Man or a Monster?" as in, how far can uncontrollable powers push you and you can still be considered human? He was born with ancient powers, yes, but the powers are more of a curse than a gift, and he struggles with the fact that he is merely the vessel for this untapped magic that can both destroy or save. He wonders if he can still be considered himself and not a weapon after these powers, and the burdens it brings, grow. And even when he learns to control it, it isn't a prophecy that is ever going to save him, but his effort to be something more than the sum of his inhuman powers and use these abilities for good, he doesn't have an easy road to follow nor mentors to train him. He has to do it all by himself, with the help of friends that know nothing about the extent of his magic, in a world where all knowledge of such godly powers was already lost.

But I also try to avoid the smaller, more subtle tropes, such as the famous (which I despise with the entirety of my being) "In Medieval Times everyone wore dirty and dark clothing and lived in unhygienic cities with no sense of culture, in a non-diverse depiction of a very inaccurate Europe". We all know that is not true (while the Medieval Times were often convoluted, our "Dark Ages" perception of it is deeply incorrect, and heavily influenced by Renaissance scholars, who wanted to paint that era in a bad light to make their own time seem more enlightened. People will be people, always, no matter in what era we live in. There is color and diversity, and culture, and the Middle Ages/Medieval Times were no exception) To avoid that trope, I try to give the continent of The Last Wrath as much color and diversity as I can - I try to make all the kingdoms unique, with their own heritage and politics, color schemes and traditions to spare. (This is one of my most despised tropes of all time, so I actively try to avoid that godforsaken thing).

I refuse to add the "Cardboard Cut Out (a.k.a one dimensional) YA Heroine who is Not Like Other Girls and who is toxic to everyone around her." HELL TO THE NAW. My heroines may be unique, but they're humans above all things, they have their quirks, they have their strengths and weaknesses, they love their families (and the people around them), and most importantly, they don't go around shaming other girls for being girls or trying to make it seem like "oh I'm so special look at me, I'm such a victim of the world", NO. Also, a character can be strong and female while not being cliche and unbearable. A girl can be a leader and fall in love (those things shouldn't be "either one or the other." A girl can be both a strong warrior and a caring girlfriend. Just look at - my beloved - Annabeth Chase from the books).

Also, on the note of female character tropes in fantasy fiction, I refuse to write heroines who are "femme fatales" (especially if that sums up their entire personality). A woman can be seductive, and embrace her sexuality while being more than that, while being intelligent, brave, or both. Another reason why I refuse to write good characters (and even most villainesses unless that is the point of their character and they're multidimensional) as "femme fatales", is because often the role of the "seductress" borders WAY too close to glorified s3xual assault (especially female-on-male, or more rarely female-on-female) and no hero character should ever do that. Those are villainous actions suited only to the most twisted, perverse, and sadistic of villains. (It should never be something to admire in a female character. Dominance should always have a limit on both sides of a relationship and femme fatales oh so often cross that limit). It's a deeply problematic trope, and unless the character is properly portrayed as problematic, it bugs the hell out of me. A woman should be more than just sexy, even if she embraces it. A woman can be sexually empowered, without being an offender. (For example of badly done femme fatales, the female heroines in many Bond movies or Irene Adler in most Sherlock portrayals.) And this trope has taken a return on the YA genre, especially with "Not Like The Other Girls" kinds of leads, and I find that... disturbing, to say the least. I also despise the Bad Boy Trope (the male version of a femme fatale that you will often see in YA romance novels) for the same, deeply problematic nature of the trope. Just no.

Relationship Tropes that I openly avoid (due to their problematic nature) in The Last Wrath also include: toxic/unhealthy/dangerous Enemies to Lovers (a relationship, even if it is Enemies to Lovers, should always thrive on respect and love, and be something healthy rather than a twisted fairytale), One Dimensional Villains (all characters need to be well developed, especially the ones that will contrast with the protagonists, that is, the villains, as they are the source of conflict for the story), Problematic/Twisted Family Relationships (a.k.a The Lannister Twins from Game of Thrones. Sweet Home Alabama - NOPE. It gives me all the ick and it is deeply disturbing, to say the least.).

I don't like "grimdark, all hope is lost" worlds. The point of the whole world in TLW (and one of the main themes of the book), is that, while their world may be a truly dangerous and dark place, where many horrors await and justice is often denied, and wars tear lives apart, hope is not lost - and that one must not give up in their search for a brighter future, whatever that search may be. There is light in the midst of the overwhelming darkness. Even if Agrannor is dangerous and their rulers are corrupted, there are people worth fighting for, and there are wondrous things worth living to see! It may be a dark world, as it is a Dark Fantasy novel, but there is hope (even if just a spark of it). Having hope, and allowing oneself to dream of a better future, are one of the bravest things one can do in the face of great darkness and peril.

I try to AVOID the trope that all fantasy heroes need to be one specific type of person. Anyone, if they really try, can be a hero and use their hidden strengths to achieve that goal! Raelen may be the heir to a lost Mageborn House, but she is not a great fighter (at first) nor an incredibly powerful mage, she's just a crafty and smart adventurer who tries to save her world despite many people hating her for her magic, and that she chooses to do so despite knowing she is not powerful enough to face the villains alone. But she is going to try. Ellinor may be the princess who had her kingdom stolen from her, but she chooses to become a warrior assassin and train to actively take back what is hers by fighting on the front lines and bringing justice to those she loves. Darian doesn't know how to fight or use magic, and his inventions often end in disaster, he is small and shy, but he chooses to venture into a warring world alone despite his overwhelming fears and blatant weaknesses, to save his best friend. Zephyr may be a sorcerer, but he has a deeply debilitating curse that makes using his magical affinity a living hell and which considerably weakens him, and yet he is still trying to find an anti-magic spell to reverse the attacks of the Secret Court - so that no one has to suffer like he does. Helios was framed for something he didn't do by someone much more powerful than him and had his whole life stolen from him, and yet instead of giving up and hiding away, he is still trying to find the truth. Nadinne is a delicate girl, a lady on all fronts, but she is not a damsel in distress, and her feminine traits never become weaknesses, and she would rather use her delicate and wishful nature to find a diplomatic solution to her friends' war.

The point is, anyone can be a hero. All it takes it to genuinely try your best, even if against all odds! After all, all we can do is try and hope for a better outcome.

I got very carried away with this post, but I hope I answered your question properly! (:

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