#the longing glances really do it for me
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trauma in their minds and homosexuality in their hearts
#they should have kissed#I’m sorry#it’s unfair#the longing glances really do it for me#dev patel#robert sheehan#the road within#my edit
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hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor
Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.
#Danny Phantom#i think this ties into my other post i made a long time ago about Danny siccing the GIW on Vlad#like we KNOW in CANON that if Danny was even a tiny bit more like Vlad he would literally become a supervillain#villain is such a stupid word i hate how it's spelled. why is it like that#anyways i need to like. rewatch DP cuz i remember shit & then i'm like#did that actually happen. because that sounds too insane#but like. he Did That. didnt he#i think that's what i love about this character. but a lot of people ignore it#Danny is like. gritting his teeth going ''do good do good'' it isnt effortless it isnt easy he doesnt even want to do it half the time#& sometimes yeah he WILL do crimes or get back at people who've been assholes to him or whatever#he WILL use his powers for bad sometimes#he'll be like ''dont do that it's bad'' but like. he WILL do it himself#the whole ''i'm a hero'' thing he's got going on is like. more of a. how do i put this#it's like when you're drawing or writing & saying ''it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to BE''#like Danny isn't a hero sometimes. he's got morals & has a general understanding of good & bad#but also he's 14 & being attacked every day#i would start saying bad words & threatening people that annoy me too man#okay i glanced over the scene again for the first time in years & Danny was literally in the middle of outing Vlad to the whole town???#hello?? are we really ignoring this?????#VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO#this show is so stupid i love it#love how Sam & Tucker immediately backed him up yeah fuck Vlad all my homies hate Vlad#okay you know what. maybe i will do a DP liveblog. i think it would be fun#on daddyplasmius. only posting this on pa-pa-plasma cuz it's kind of just a. weird rant post? kind of? idk
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(Do The) Act Like You Never Met Me
enjoy my 1,696 word fic ^_^ will be working on a request + others soon..
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Fiddleford’s eyes darted around the room, his mind racing a million miles a minute. His eyes met the clock on the wall. 1:04 AM.
“I can’t ever sleep anymore.” Fidds muttered, sighing as he got out of bed. His mind was ridden with anxiety; it consumed his every waking moment these days. Ever since he began helping his college "buddy," Stanford Pines, his life began falling apart.
In college, things were much different, Stanford paid much more attention to Fidds than he did now. Fiddleford didn’t recognize the man he was living with. Ford was harsh, yelling at Fiddleford when the smallest mistake would occur. He had never seen Stanford so anxious and fearful in his life as when the portal didn’t operate the first time.
To make matters worse? Stanford was beginning to push Fiddleford to the side, claiming he was “busy gathering information” while meditating on the floor. Fiddleford felt invisible. Why was this portal more important than Fiddleford? Why didn’t his feelings matter?
“FIDDLEFORD!” Stanford burst into the mechanics bedroom, jumping slightly as he saw Fiddleford was already awake.
“Oh, Good! You’re awake! I need you downstairs working on the portal STAT. I’ve figured out what was prohibiting it from functioning.” Ford quickly took notice that Fidds was in his pajamas.
“Ah, well, you’ll probably want to get dressed.” Ford shifted his eyes, looking a tad embarrassed. Fidds sighed and looked at Ford, his face painted with annoyance.
“It’s the middle of the night, Stanford.” Fidds huffed; he looked at Ford closely; the man’s eyes were bloodshot.
“Have you not been sleepin’ again?” Fidds voice was filled with sincere concern. Ford had been doing this for months now; he wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t sleep, he’d disappear for hours. This wasn’t like him.
“That’s..Irrelevant!” Stanford quickly replied, he turned around and left the room, leaving Fiddleford with a pit of dread in his stomach.
Fidds got dressed into his lab attire and made his way through the halls of their shared home. At one point, it felt warm and kind in there. Now, it felt cold and hurtful. He began walking down the steps and into the lab, seeing the man he held so dear muttering to himself. It was almost as if he were speaking with someone.
“Stanford? Who are ya talkin’ to?” Fidds called out, his anxiety slowly rising. Stanford had a habit of doing this, talking like someone’s there. Fiddleford wished he would talk to him as much as he talked to himself.
“Ah, nobody, nobody!” Stanford turned around swiftly, smiling at Fiddleford.
“Here’s my notes on what went wrong; I trust that you can follow them accordingly.” He gave a thumbs up, patting Fidds on the back before scribbling something down in his journal.
Fiddleford looked down at the notepad, the writing seemed... strange. Ugly, chicken scratch writing was on the page. This did not look like it belonged to Ford, and it made the young man’s stomach turn. Even so, he began doing what Ford had requested and fixed the issues that were discovered. It took hours.
“Ah, finally, finished.” Fidds sighed, rubbing sweat off his temple. He looked around the lab for Ford, but he was nowhere to be seen. Fiddleford made his way upstairs, guessing the man was meditating again.
“Stanford?” Fiddleford pushed open the study door, finding his dearest on the floor, with his eyes closed.
“I got the portal fixed, just like you asked. Whenever you’re ready to come, check it out,” he softly spoke, part of him not wanting Ford to hear him, but sadly, he did.
“Wonderful! Let’s give it another try! Good work, buddy!” The dark brunette rushed downstairs, leaving Fiddleford behind.
The young scientists finally joined each other in the lab; Ford was shaking with excitement. Fiddleford, on the other hand, felt the same dread he always did.
“On three, we turn it on, okay? We have to get this right. It’s all for ultimate knowledge.” Ford said, grabbing Fidds hand. They were going to change the world together, and they both truly believed that.
Fiddleford nodded, getting into place, looking at Ford for his que. He had never seen Ford so excited; part of it warmed Fidds heart, the other terrified him. What was this ultimate knowledge anyway? Who was going to give it to them? Ford promised Fiddleford the world, but how? The what-ifs and questions swirled through his mind, until Stanford broke the silence.
“3..2..1!!” Ford yelled, and Fiddleford quickly flipped the switches as Ford pulled the lever. Suddenly, a flash of bright light appeared from the portal in front of them. It was working.
“It…it works..” Fidds eyes were wide, he almost couldn’t believe what was happening. Their project actually worked.
“IT WORKS! IT WORKS! FIDDLEFORD, LOOK!” Stanford grabbed the young man by the shoulders and thrashed him around with excitement. Fidds pulled Ford into a tight embrace, shocking the other scientist.
“‘M proud of ya, Ford. You’ve worked so hard. You finally got what you’ve been wantin’. Congratulations, hun..” Ford’s heart started racing. What was happening? Was Fiddleford showing signs of affection? Did Fidds finally realize Ford’s into him?
“Fidds..this is just as much as your victory as it is mine. I’m proud of you as well. You’re a genius, Fiddleford. I’ve never met anyone like you.” Ford caressed Fiddleford’s cheek; he wanted to make a move so badly. Fidds gaze softened as he noticed the change in Stanford’s demeanor—kind, just like in college.
“Aw, shucks, Ford... Yer makin’ me blush!” Fiddleford laughed as he put his hand on Ford’s. Ford was seeing Fidds and actually recognizing him for the work he put in. It felt like all his dreams were coming true.
“I love you, Fiddleford; you’ve been nothing but patient with me. You understand me, unlike most. I trust you with all I am.” Stanford planted a gentle kiss on Fidds lips. The two were in pure bliss; the project was over, and they soon would have endless knowledge. Right?
“I love you, too, Stanford. I have for a long time.” Fiddleford returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Ford’s waist. The man he had craved for so long, the man he would wish for every night, loved him back. This was so surreal, so impossible! He was so happy.
A few days later, it was time to test the portal. Another anxiety-filled night kept Fiddleford awake, leaving his mind foggy the next day. He was at least glad he got to sleep on Ford’s chest after the two confessed, a new core memory for the two men.
Now, the two were standing in front of the interdimensional portal they had built together.
“Let’s grab the test dummy. We’ll see if it’s safe for beings to go through it.” Ford ushered Fidds over to where the test dummy was, both grabbing it and nodding at each other. They returned to the entrance of the portal, the pair holding each side of the doll, rope wrapped around its torso.
“On three again, hun?” Fidds asked. A smile was on his face, but the dread still loomed.
“On 3! 1…2…3!” They let go of the dummy, but the rope was still attached to Fiddleford’s arm. He was pulled into the portal, screaming for Stanford as his upper half was sucked in.
“FIDDLEFORD! I’VE GOT YOU! HOLD ON!” Ford grabbed the rope swiftly and began pulling Fiddleford out with force. The portal tried its hardest to keep its grasp on him, but eventually let him go. Fidds came crashing down, falling harshly onto the lab floor. His body was convulsing, and his eyes began rolling into the back of his head.
“FIDDLEFORD! Is it working? What did you see!?” Ford grabbed Fidds, begging him to answer.
“Beast with one eye.” Fidds muttered, eyes twitching and wide.
“Excuse me?” Ford looked at him, a look of horror slowly forming on his face.
“We’re going to bring about the end of the world with this thing. We need to shut this down; this is dangerous.” Fidds got up, putting his hands on Ford’s shoulder. He was practically digging his nails into him.
“Shut it down? Are you crazy? This is my life’s work! I can’t do that, Fiddleford.” Stanford pushed Fiddleford off of him, offended at the suggestion.
“Did ya not hear me!? END OF THE WORLD! DO YOU EVEN KNOW I SAW IN THERE? HM? IT WAS A DEMON, STANFORD. A ONE EYED DEMON, HE'S COMIN TO DESTROY US!”
“I can’t destroy it. I can’t. I can’t. We’ve worked so hard.. you must be mistaken, truly, Fidds. Let’s talk about this.” Ford tried desperately to get a grip on the situation and control it. But he couldn’t.
“It’s either me or the portal, Stanford. Make up yer mind. You have no idea the horror I’ve seen.” It quickly became apparent that Fiddleford was serious. He was giving Stanford an ultimatum; he had to choose.
“I.. Fidds, you know I can’t do that. That’s ridiculous..” Fiddleford’s heart sunk. He knew this was going to be the answer, but he didn’t want it to be the truth.
“Stanford.. I quit. I can’t risk my life like this anymore; I can’t. I’ve nearly died time and time again; now I’ve seen the devil himself. That is something I might as well soon forget.” Fiddleford got up, eyes empty and glazed over. He gave one more sorry look at Ford before he left, never returning.
Soon after, Fiddleford found a place to stay briefly, working on a new invention.
A memory gun.
He was going to use this to erase the pain Stanford Pines’ decisions had brought him. He was going to live his life, like he never met him.
Once his invention was complete, he looked at a photo of his beloved one last time. He smiled softly as he remembered the good times, throwing the photo in the dump after his moment. He entered Stanford’s name into his machine, brought it to his head, and pulled the trigger.
That’s how you do the act, like you never met me.
So do the act, like you never met me.
#fiddauthor#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#banjoportal#ford pines#fiddleford x stanford#standord pines#stanford x fiddleford#gravity falls ford#ford2#fiddlesix#do the act like you never met me#tv girl#fanfiction#Long fic#The clumsy conspiratory glance#but I don’t really mind it no#I always liked the way you dance#Spotify#SoundCloud
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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight
#radio rambles#i should go to bed but. it is on the mind#isat spoilers#<- for the . wall of tags to come#imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be#i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat#and probably the intention#but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin#and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF#it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young#splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing#a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone#many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family#mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to#a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared#its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it#uhm. ok well#so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery#now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and#wow christ im upset#also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body#the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair#think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace#SPEAKING OF LOOP#i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well#and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf#im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT#thinking. always thinking
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Wipppppp
#it's been so long since i last worked on a cg edit!#i'm really really happy w how this looks so far (hid a good chunk of the sketch tho)#if i can't write i shall art!#Ayame's hair is funny because i never realize how different it looks in her different designs just from a glance#1st i didn't realize her side bangs were bigger in her adult design#and now i see how wavy her hair is on the ballroom outfit! so cute#maybe it is as slick as it is normally because of sweat. she doesn't strike me as the kind to do much haircare#maybe if she washes it properly it gets more wavy#dra#danganronpa another#ayame hatano#wip#edit#cg edit#hyena scribbles
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hold on ok i belted out a brief laughingstock Scene for possible future use that i Had to write down bc if i didn't, i'd never remember it. and why not share?
~
“Barnaby? Barnaby, old chap, are you with me?”
Barnaby blinks, registering the green fingers snapping in front of his nose. He huffs a laugh and pushes Howdy’s hand away. “Yeah, yeah, I’m listenin’. You were saying?”
Howdy gives him an exasperated look, a fond look. “Thinking about running off to a farm again, were you?”
“Nah, just the clouds. They’re a lot less work.”
“Well I’d rather you didn’t. Who would I talk to during the long hours if you went and floated off?” Howdy winks before turning to his shelves, already yammering away about something or other.
Something or other that Barnaby is once again not listening to, because what was that? Barnaby quickly presses his cool paw-pads to his burning cheeks, feeling the bristling fur there.
Has Howdy ever winked at him? Now that he’s noticed it, Barnaby can’t recall. If it’s new, then why? Why a wink of all things? What did that mean? And that look Howdy gave him…
Barnaby adjusts his abruptly too-tight tie. It’s unusually warm in the store, isn’t it? Howdy must have forgotten to turn on the AC.
Gosh, what is Howdy even saying? He’s still talking, but Barnaby hasn’t absorbed a word. He can’t even tell if Howdy is still speaking english. It’s all garbled.
There’s something wrong with Barnaby. He must be coming down with something… or he’s just overthinking it. Overworking the ol’ noggin. A good long nap should set him right.
“Listen,” Barnaby interrupts, patting the counter, “I uh, I don’t know where my head’s at. I better go find it - I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Oh… alright, then,” Howdy says, a tinge of disappointment in his voice.
Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Barnaby slaps that thought out of the park. He doesn’t want Howdy to be disappointed, that’s absurd. That’s something a bad friend would think. Barnaby may be many things, but a bad friend isn’t one of them.
“I’ll whip up a joke that’ll knock your socks off next time I see ya,” Barnaby promises. He smiles around the discomfort and the entirely new feeling squirming around each other in his chest.
“Now you’ve gone and brought up my expectations,” Howdy says. He leans on the counter and grins. “Are you sure you can back up such a claim, Mr. Beagle?”
Another hot flush races under Barnaby’s fur, and to his growing mortification, his tail starts wagging at breakneck speed. He lets out an uncharacteristically nervous laugh and backs away from the counter. To both of their horror, his back hits a shelf, making it rattle and tip.
“Oh, sh-” Barnaby lunges to right it before it can topple. He whips around and laughs again. Howdy’s wide-eyed stare burns. “Sorry ‘bout that! Talk about a bulldog in a bugshop, geez.”
“When you find your head, make sure to screw it on nice and tight,” Howdy says, a strange look on his face to match his tone. “And check your temperature while you’re at it - it’s not like you to be off-balance.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m off-balance,” Barnaby says. He inches towards the door, willing his stupid tail to calm down. “I just have ears instead of rearview mirrors.”
“Uh-huh…” Howdy slides to the side, trying to peer around him.
Barnaby fumbles for the door. The scrape and bang of his search for the handle echoes in the quiet store. One of Howdy’s eyebrows creeps higher the longer Barnaby stands there, making a complete fool of himself.
Finally, the door clicks, and Barnaby nearly tumbles over backwards in his haste to get out. He stumbles down the steps and briskly walks away, adjusting his hat and tie. As soon as he’s out of sight, he slaps his paws to his face and sags against the bodega.
“Idiot,” he hisses to himself. He presses his back flat against the wall and slams the side of his fist against it. Normally, Barnaby would use a situation like this to his advantage. But Howdy wasn’t laughing, and Barnaby wasn’t being funny. “Bulldog in a - gah, idiot!”
Great. Now Howdy thinks he’s not only a clumsy oaf, but that he’s losing his touch too.
Barnaby growls in frustration, pushing off the wall and stomping away from the plaza on all fours. What does he care what Howdy thinks of him? Others’ opinions of Barnaby have never been anywhere near his list of top priorities - barring Wally’s, of course. If they were, he'd never tell another joke again.
Yes, Howdy is a good friend of Barnaby’s. A close friend, even. But since when has he had such a - such an effect? Barnaby shakes his head, growling again.
There was no effect. Barnaby is just going insane. Or he’s getting sick, like Howdy implied. That would explain the sudden hot flash, the loss of typically impeccable coordination, and, oh yeah! Barnaby’s brain leaking out of his ears.
#context from My Brain:#barnaby's chatting with howdy as usual and howdy does Something endearing#or was it like... idk one of his personality quirks pops up#& barnabys like 'aw hes doing The Thing. its one of the things i love about him'#and obviously has a moment of 'whoah wait Love?? haha where the fuck did that come from. whatever *proceeds to panic*'#essentially: the first domino falls#laughingstock#aaaaand not tagging as anything else#if people see it they see it#i havent posted Any of my recent (and rare) writings so this is slightly mortifying!#its been too long since ive posted fic i need to buckle down on my wips#not this one obvs since its not even really a wip#just a tidbit for future me to edit and implement#my dc wips... who i still want to continue & finish so so badly...#the mermay timber one... the timkon cannibalism... cowboy hat rule... and many more...#anyhow i can feel my writing confidence atrophying#i glance at one of my wips and my entire brain recoils like its the worst thing since (insert bad thing here)#shaking myself by the shoulders 'Its Not That Bad You Are A Decent Writer Whose Fics Are More Often Than Not Well Received'#my brain is trying to convince me everything is terrible i need to forcibly shut it the hell up
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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i always assumed he cut his hair with a pair of shitty scissors in front of his bathroom mirror at like 2am
#my art#kuron vld#vld#kurons design is really fucking funny to me for some reson#he looks so goofy???? boy why do you dress like that#he looks like a dog in a medical cone......... WHY#cant take his ass seriously#shiros s1&2 design made him look serious and reliable#but somehow his clone has the dumbest fucking outfit#i dont hate it or anything btw but it IS very funny to me. not in a bad way hes just silly#love this guy hes a fucking idiot<3 my silly guy<333#he caught one glance at himself in the mirror while idk brushing his teeth and had a breakdown#bc he didnt look enough like shiro and thats Not Good and he had to fix it so he doesnt feel Wrong anymore#having long hair was weird for him bc his brain was screaming at him that he doesnt look Right#but maybe there was a tiny part of him that didnt mind the hair. a part of him that wanted to be diffrent and try new things#but he couldnt do that bc Shiro Wouldnt Do That and he IS shiro(hes not). dumbass.#i love making clone characters trans allegories#or sometimes i just make literally them trans. its good for the soul:]#i am So Normal about this guy. i prommy.#kuronposting
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Realizing that I went and wrote a bunch of intentionally aro relationships and my partner was like, "Idk, it seemed like normal relationships to me," and I was like, "I mean yeah it's not that different from ours, I guess, I was kind of going for 45° off from 'normal' romance," and they're like, "Okay, but ours is also pretty much like that," and I'm like, "Yeah, true," and now I'm like, damn hold up, are we both some kinda arospec and THIS is how we figure it out? Because I wrote a long-ass fic about intentionally queer-coded (among other things) robots? Life is weird, man.
Like I've been prone to extreme long-term crushes on a very few (mostly unattainable) people over the years, but I wouldn't have known what to do with them even if they worked out, and cough my ex was not even one of them. I just kind of assumed I was failing to feel a thing I was totally supposed to feel, there, and quite a lot of that relationship emotionally was me going, "Okay, I care like This, but I think I'm supposed to care like That? I'm pretty sure he cares That way. I'm not sure I do, but I mean, there's really only one way*, so maybe I'm just misreading this and actually I do care like That, I'm just bad at it."
*This was me being very incorrect, it turns out. There's all kinds of ways to love someone. It's a very inadequate and nonspecific word.
When I confessed my feelings (which I'd been sitting on for a year) to my partner, their reaction wasn't to be particularly romantic about it. In fact they told me they'd help me move to California if I wanted to. And after I got over my initial confusion of being kissed on the forehead (which is also not super romantic as a gesture and I couldn't decide how to even read that so I kinda skipped over even trying for a while), I was thinking, Awesome, that is a yes. They have promised to assist me with difficult stuff, and said nothing at all about emotions, because that's not a big deal anyway. The important thing is that I can rely on them and vice versa. Cool. We are basically together forever now. Which ended up being true. I just never moved out and now it's like 13 years later, go figure. But that's not what I think actually passes for reciprocating feelings for most people? Worked great for me though.
Anyway I feel like I have accidentally learned something about myself, lol. I guess romance is okay I guess, like it's not repulsive, but seriously, it's WAY more satisfying to me to guess someone else's Quiplash answer because you know they know you would think it's fucking funny, and you do, and because you think it's funny and you're well aware they know your type of humor and you know theirs and that you wouldn't expect them to use "cum" as an answer because that's not usually how they roll, so of course that is the only answer they can possibly give, which is instantly evident to both of you with no conversation whatsoever on the topic. When you got just one brain cell and it's quantum entangled with their just one brain cell so you have a lot of null discussions where nobody has to say anything but it's fully understood anyway, that's The Dream, if you ask me. And like I don't really think that's romantic by the usual definition. You can have that with friends and family, too. But that is what it turns out I prioritize in relationships, which I'm starting to feel like isn't what the majority of people are here for?
TFW it's hard to tell because I've been assuming I'm totally alloromantic so everything I experience must be typical totally alloromantic stuff too, but I'm starting to think it isn't maybe? But how do I even tell, this is like being colorblind, lmao.
#tfw you based a completely ace/aro relationship system off what ends up just being your normal IRL relationship#my partner read Failure To Compile and just went 'so we're coprocessors right' and I said 'yeah basically'#it was apparently not at all subtle to them and why would it be lmao they basically just Know What I'm Thinking#we have a lot of conversations that are just...*several facial expressions and a glance or two* them: 'no.' me: 'OH COME ON'#and yeah that's The Experience. 'what if an entire subculture's relationships were all like that' well it'd be great that's what#and also evidently immediately recognizable to a bunch of arospec readers#making me have to also question some long held assumptions about myself#well that's cool though. I'm always down to understand me better. and hey what a funny way to do it too#what's the point of writing something and trying to get kinda deep with it if you aren't learning from it really#this just means I'm so successful I even got myself somehow#flawless victory#aromantic#arospec#also yes the Quiplash thing happened for real just last night#I said their answer before it was even revealed and they just assumed I had somehow loaded the stream faster than them#because obviously I know what they put right?#I laughed my ass off tho
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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ten in the journey’s end makes me so goddamn mad…rose punched through MULTIPLE dimensions, tracked you through all of time and space, single-handedly saved Donna while you were doing fuck all in a market, gave EVERYTHING to find you again and ALL. SHE. WANTS. IS. FOR. YOU. TO. LOOK AT HER!! WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT HER ITS ROSE!! ITS THE HEART OF YOUR HEARTS!! YOU COULD EACH DIE ANY SECOND NOW HOW MANY YEARS HAVE YOU SPENT WISHING YOU ACTED SOONER HOW MANY YEARS HAS SHE WAITED FOR YOU, BURNED HOLES IN THE UNIVERSE FOR YOU AND YOU’RE STILL! LOOKING! AWAY!
#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOURE HUGGING HER??? FRENCH THAT GIRL!!!!#MARTHA WAS MORE EXCITED TO SEE HER THAN YOU!!!#somehow stephen moffat returned….#we really need to explore what the fuck would have happened if the metacrisis ten never existed bc WHAT was he going to do about her…#they were all alone inside davros’s little cave. just the two of them. and every glance she gives him is so full of love and care.#and he can’t look back. why can’t he look back#what happened.#what happened to if I believe in anything I believe in her what happened to how long will you stay with me#what happened to the way he looked at her on Christmas Eve as they charted out the stars#WHAT HAPPENED!!!!#the entire arc of doctor Who from seasons ONE to four has been that Rose Tyler is the center of the Doctor’s universe#one touch from her reanimates him he’d bend worlds for her he couldn’t save the world but lose her#she looks into the time vortex and rearranges time and space for him he kisses her and saves her and saves her and saves her#when he loses her he FALLS APART#he spends 12 episodes descending into literal suicidal madness for GRIEF of losing her#and then he gets her back.#SHE comes back#SHE defies the laws of UNIVERSES to get back to him#AND HE DOESNT !! LOOK !! BACK!!#im losing my mind#doctor who#rose tyler#tenrose#timepetals#tenth doctor#10th doctor
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moms have an inherent superpower to fuck up your day by yelling at you over the stupidest shit
#vinny vents#my mom is so annoying my goodness#i told her i texted everyone asking where the mop bucket is and she started giving me a speech about how we're always asking her stuff#and i repeated that i texted EVERYONE and nobody is expecting her to know everything#and she started yelling at me about how if i wanted her to answer i should have called#and i said that i couldn't ask everyone if i did call#and she said some 'well youre gonna be waiting a long time then because i dont check my phone'#and i said it would have been pointless to call her because she doesn't even know and she started yelling again while i was trying to ask m#dad. and he said 'well its probably downstairs'#and i said that me AND my sister already looked and my mom started talking about how 'yall never really look for stuff you just glance'#and i said that of course i actually checked because she TOLD ME to mop the house#and i was like 'what does yall even have to do with this we're talking about me specifically'#and she got all huffy and stormed off talking about some 'i just feel so unappreciated'#???#I don't even know what I did she just started yelling at me about like ten different things#its such a stupid thing too like why. why#delete l8r
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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i try really hard to seem like im not scared by anything. like im too awesome i KNOW spiders and the dark and heights ARENT scary actually. but im going to be real with you i am really scared of them especially spiders
#me#i was getting ready for a shower and THERE WAS A SPIDER. it was like AN INCH LONG.#with skinny legs with like little feets at the bottom. AND IT MOVED SO FREAKY. i HATED IT!#i glanced at it in my peripherals and i JUMPED! like i went all tense like a kitty making its fur stand on end#was so weird. crazy how humans can do that.#and i was so scared. and i still AM so scared. i hate spiders i really do. shout out to spiders but i hate seeing you
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me to myself, currently: other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are other people aren't obsessing over your social mistakes like you are
also me: obviously they have all begun to hate me
#hey remember that post from this morning about ocd and obsessive thinking?#i have been struggling lately and sinking into my own head and that makes me very. weird.#and not like. fun quirky weird.#it's off-putting weird. obnoxious as i overcompensate for my anxiety that's screaming at me to hide#i used to do that as a child. i would just hide when i felt like nobody wanted me around.#i would think to myself '' i know when i'm not wanted'' bc i see the awkwardness in the fake laughs and feel the just-too-long silences#the shared glances after i speak#and i see the ranks closing and shutting me out#and it is very very hard to discern if it's real or in my head#between ''i'm just paying attention to the subtle tells'' and ''you can't read minds and you do filter everything through your own mood''#so it's hard to tell if they really think i'm obnoxious or if i've already decided that they do and so i'm seeing what i expect#sometimes it does end up being undeniable when i do end up getting shut out of the chat#but is it just a self-fulfilling prophecy? is it my desperation to not be annoying that makes me annoying?#is it my own distancing from people because i think they hate me that makes them close me out because they think i don't want to be there?#i don't know. i've never known. this spiral has me and it's a whirlpool dragging me into the deeps.#i've spent my whole life so terribly anxious that i was misdiagnosed with asthma as a child because i was always struggling to breathe#it's gotten... better... sort of. i've learned to fight the urge to hide but i'm still left with the fear that pushed me to do it#mental illness#anxiety#depression
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I have 3 kids, one a teen and while difficult you absolutely can be low tech and screen time, my eldest has a school supplied iPad and a personal iPhone but both are heavily locked down and timed for access. He doesn't game and has no browsing capabilities either. My younger two don't have anything and though they've occasionally asked I've always told them no and explained my reasons. It works for us and as a result my kids have the time to get bored, be creative and are all excellent readers. My house is a shit-tip of cutting and sticking, piles of Lego and assorted abandoned craft though!
that's so comforting to hear!! i'm really making an effort for everything to be low-tech in my house, and in my own little bubble it's working out just fine, but i'm worried about all that breaking down when she steps out into the "real" world lol. i'm so glad you found a way to make it work - i'm going to keep trying, and hope that i can do my own thing in this crazy world. it just all gets so overwhelming! (as i'm sure you can understand)
#anon ask#answered ask#i just go over to my sister in laws sometimes and see her baby who is 5 months old and he just#stares at the tv#because they have it on all the time#and she was telling me near tears that he'll only eat a bottle if he's staring at the television and i'm like#howwww do i prevent this for my own baby lol#but the comforting thing so far is when the tv IS on around her like at her grandparents or something#she glances at it and then goes back to playing with her toys#she's not really that interested! so it made me feel like i was doing /something/ right#long ramble in the tags to say thank you for saying all of this#i think i gotta just keep following my parenting instincts on this one and keep her as far away from ipads and cellphones as i can#until the inevitable happens lol
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