#the issue with cosplay is that i get so hyped up that staying still is really fucking difficult unless im specifically waiting for something

[fabulouslygaybean]

im gonna go through with the bloodhound cosplay for sure, but like. cosplaying octane would be so fucking fun. like what do you MEAN id have a free pass to not tone myself down in a public space

[poupeesdecirque]

Personal update & Doll Stuff

This week has been a wild ride and not one I'm proud of to be honest. In short: work drained me so hard I was so stressed I can barely remember what happened during work in the days I was there, I had my lunch break cut short on 3 of the 4 days I worked, one day was a 10+ hour day and phew... it was not fun at all. Then there was the issue none of my creative projects I tried my hands on worked in favor for me, everything failed. hard.

But I had a vacation day on friday and had scheduled an appointment for the next tattoo (pic on the top) but the artist came back to me on wednesday and had ditched my own sketch for a copy of a manga panel and it greatly helped for my mental health to spiral down into hell. I know a bunch of people got concerned about me, and that with a reason, I am unharmed, I just... rant a lot to fight the nasty voices.

In the end I was pissed, he was pissed but he had to correct the shit he had done to get close to my sketch again. But he had the audacity to tell me I should bring a sketch next time for him to use .... and that's all what I want to tell about this adventure. I got my tattoo, it went fast, seems to heal good so far, arm doesn't hurt.

Since yesterday my creativity is gladly back and I came up with like 20 solutions for the 10 problems I had. Hah.

Took some photos, continued with Cosplay progress and drew a bit.

And I bought a new head, or let's say the dear @izasbjdphoto told me she wanted to get the new Impdoll body but disliked the head and I noticed today, as I made sketches, that the head would fit my plans of making a Level 4 Akuma into a doll aaaaand she gladly let me have it <3 yay. Still need to figure out how to make a Level 3, that might be a sculpture again.

Also I am super hyped for the Bookfair, to see my friends again and hop into Cosplay. @adragonstale agreed to take photos of me (aka I will throw my camera at him and he is allowed to take pics whenever he likes) and I will stay at a friend's place from the wednesday before the fair ... this time without needing to go back to work, full 4 days.

I'm slowly working throught he drawing for my cosplay line up but somehow... even though I didn't have that much to do today the time slipped through my fingers.

I really hope to get to writing a hobby related blog entry again soon, but I took photos of 4 dolls this weekend, sorted stuff into the queue, into photobooks and all that... it's enough.

For next week I have a small project to finish during my lunch breaks (just some buttons and straps to be added) and I have sewing planned for the next weekend. I hope to get to cutting parts during the week that would help but it's okay if I don't get to it, I know we will be understaffed and .. yeah.

This was my outfit for Carnival last monday btw... progress is stuck somewhere in the queue. It's an Allen the Dog Kigurumi.

[iheartsunset]

Taylor headcanons?

Taylor Papa Louie HCs

(Aaaaaaaa I love this boy so much like gosh darn he’s amazing and beautiful and second only to W A L L Y in my heart)

-Taylor Morales (sorry I love into the spiderverse too much) is a 20 year old professional dancer, baseball player, and Hotdoggeria worker who lives with his foster brother, Chuck, in their Tastyville apartment. One of the sweetest guys you could ever meet, he’s become a real pillar in his community, especially after starting a foundation helping at risk children and families everywhere. He spends most of his days lovingly daydreaming about his boyfriend and girlfriend, serving sports fanatics at the stadium, and doing stupid stuff with Chuck. He’s also studying to become a graphic designer for video games.

-He’s a generous person who is always seen with a huge dorky smile on his face. Taylor loves sports and has so much energy, he can hardly sit still sometimes. He’s also very chill and is not easy to anger or sadden at all, all qualities making him very popular around most of the people he meets. Secretly, he’s a hopeless romantic (or uh, just very romantic i guess since he did end up getting the guy and the girl?) that is practically obsessed with fairytales, rom coms, and Asian drama’s happy endings. He gets very flustered with actual romance though, and is one of the worst people in the world at flirting. A disaster bi is what you could describe him as. The only thing that keeps him calm while thinking of love is his extensive musical playlists, ones he has for every emotion he could possibly have.

-Taylor grew up in Flipline’s foster care system, periodically living with multiple families until finally staying with Chuck and his mother, Alessia. Having been raised by several indifferent strangers after his struggling parents, Taylor immediately grew close with his newfound family, even though Chuck was initially cold to him out of jealousy. The two have become the closest of friends, even calling each other brothers. After Alessia passed away in an accident during work, Chuck and Taylor have opted to stay together in the meantime. Chuck is thinking of moving to Calypso Island to be with Utah, much to Taylor’s dismay, but he’s still happy for his brother.

-After moving in with the Ferrara’s, Taylor met Cooper, an older boy who lived a few apartments down from them, and fell in love. He however didn’t have the guts to say anything until 6 years later, although he had been crushing on a certain blonde attending the same night college as him (Prudence, I should’ve just said Prudence). Chuck hyped him up one night to confess his love, only for Cooper to introduce his new coworker, Prudence, to him, causing Taylor to have a huge crisis since he fell in love with them both. Well it turns out everyone was in love with each other, so now they’re all together and they’re very happy.

-He competed on Flipline’s Got Talent as a solo act singer and a dance group member on two different seasons: the 23rd season when he was 15 and the 26th season when he was 18. Even though he’s talented in both song and dance, his acts have never gotten far in the competition, even though he is one of the more well known competitors. He doesn’t really care about winning, he just wants to show off his skills somewhere that wasn’t the street or on Tik Tok. He even made friends with lots of the other contestants (Scarlett and the Shakers, Timm, Cecelia, etc.) but not Bill and Booosy, absolutely not, just no.

-I think his voice would either be like Labrinth or The Weeknd. Maybe a mix of both?

-He watched reality shows and game shows all the time, mostly The Masked Singer, Jeopardy, Flipline’s Got Talent, and Dancing With The Stars. He also enjoys shows like Lovecraft Country, Once Upon A Time, Gossio Girl, and Friends. He just has certain media bookmarked depending on his mood and what type of season it is.

-Taylor loves to dance, but he will still sing I Don’t Dance from High School Musical 2 on the baseball field whenever he can. He’s memorized all of the choreography, lyrics, and even has the dang costumes.

-He actually doesn’t have many close friends. He gets along with lots of people and all the other workers, but he pretty much hangs out all the time with his besties Koilee and Willow as they bond over their family issues. Peggy’s another one of his besties and he’s also bro’s with Utah since she’s Chuck’s girlfriend, it Drakson and Carlo are sorta cold to him cause they’re kinda jerks. Anyways, he, Willow, and Koilee are an iconic trio with such different interests, but they’ll always do stupid shit and vibe with each other. Their outfits all clash due to their different styles (Koilee’s harajuku/decora kei/delinquent style, Willow’s gothic Lolita, and Taylor’s own athletic and baggy clothes), making them quite a spectacle walking down the street.

-He can’t hear anything most of the time cause he’s always listening to music or something on his phone, so he always almost dies in accidents he doesn’t notice or gets yelled at for not paying attention.

-All of his romantic gestures often go bad, like his heart shaped pancakes nearly burning down the kitchen. To make up for this, he writes Prudence and Cooper poems with Koilee’s help and leaves them in their bags. He’ll also do a my cosplay Cooper wants and will endure 15 hour shopping trips with Prudence. They’re just a wholesome couple I 🥺

-He and Chuck use each other as both weapons and human shields. Just imagine Soul Eater except instead of turning into a weapon, they just stay the way they are. Yeah Chuck hitting you with Taylor is not an ideal situation cause I bet it hurts.

-He often streams with Tohru. He’s into any game genre really, but he’s the best at retro games and sports games. He’s fine with playing Wadanohara, Among Us, Final Fantasy 7, Welcome To The Game, and other types of games too. He’s just the perfect gaming partner and he might even start his own channel since he’s so popular with Tohru’s fan base.

-When Chuck moves out, he’ll probably get a pet rabbit since Prudence and Cooper have pets and he won’t be left out. He might name it Batter and he’s very excited at the idea of having a floppy eared rabbit. He doesn’t realize that Chuck doesn’t mind having a rabbit around, but Taylor doesn’t inconveniencing anyone really.

-He mostly lacks common sense and has little ability to read the room, often getting him into sticky situations, which isn’t bad, but it’s inconvenient. Scooter crudely calls him a himbo and he knows what that means, so he’s started studying random trivia in order to seem smarter. Little does he know, we all love him either way.

-In a Papa’s Workers poll, he ranked 6th in popularity, after all 4 members of Scarlett and the Shakers and Carlo Romano.

-His pick up lines are really bad puns. Just go on tinder and wait for people to tell you pick up lines. Find the one that makes you want to cry the most and there’s Taylor.

-I simp over Taylor and I’m kinda ashamed of that, but yeah I do and can you blame me? He’s perfection Mr. Tony and Mr. Matt did an amazing job on him I am looking I am paying attention always have been ever since 2nd grade 👀

[edengarden]

Hello and if asks are still open may I have a regular match up for BNHA?

Name: Nox

Gender: FTM

Occupation: Student (16 almost 17 yrs old. Jan 4th is b-day)

Sexual orientation: Omniromantic Asexual (male/masculine leaning)

Quirk: Transformative/Mutant, "Zoologic shift" (This quirk allows the individual(s) to transform into multiple animals, but the individual has to have a emotional/special connection or feeling towards the animal and to know it's physical structure to properly shift into the said animal (mythical/made up creatures can be acquired but it is extremely difficult due to the fact of anatomy and bone structure). The user only has a limited time to be in their animal form before they start going feral, if the person is angry or has a different strong negative emotion in animal form, the fast they can become feral (once the user becomes feral they will not remember anything until they have calmed down or are somehow distracted), if the user becomes feral for too long they will not be able to transform back unless they are hurt tremendously or their hatred may take a physical form and eventually kill them from the inside (I guess look at the demons from Princess Mononoke to get an idea of what that is).)

Animals acquired: White Dire wolf, Raven, Orca, Clydesdale, Black Mamba, Barn Owl, Russian Blue House cat, Ram, Fire Dragon, Phoenix, Snake Basalisc

At least 3 positive attributes:

Empathetic (emotional and animal, riots and civil conflict bring me to tears as well as I can feel my friends' pain I and want to cuddle ever dog, cat, etc. I see)

Intelligent (at least in certain subjects like language, art, biology, and physical/hero training), serious (it may come off as intemidation but I just usually mess around)

Diplomacy (I try to avoid any physical fights that can but I will fight as a last resort)

Calm (in most situations I try to keep a level head and it works since when most people need serious help they come to you for advice or to vent)

Justful (kinda speaks for itself)

Soft Blunt and Soft Honest (I am honest with people as well as blunt, but I am not mean or hurtful when I say it)

At least 3 negative attributes:

Anger issues (even though usually calm and serious, when pushed over the edge I can become furious and using my quirk will not help at all)

Self sacrificing (since due to personal circumstances I have started to put other people above me (my friends mostly) and I would do anything, even get myself physically or emotionally hurt for them. It is sorta in a way for having approval for those I care about but mostly is just showing that I care for the people I care about)

Self deprecating with imposter syndrome (it's mostly a form of humor, but I take it far enough where people start to worry)

Dark humor (idk I just like it)

Confrontational (if someone confronts and tries to provoke me I will tell them off but never physically fight back)

Self Righteous (The righteousness is good but usually my self righteousness comes up when it comes to someone's safety or when revenge and anger cloud my judgement)

Children (I don't care for children, but I'm afraid my anger will get the best of me and I'll lash. So that's why I stay away from kids as much as possible for tr he fear of accidentally hurting innocence)

Hahahaha...daddy issues...

Hobby(ies):

Hiking in the woods

Drawing (it's usually vented or dark in some way, but sometimes I like drawing people and animals or characters)

Cosplaying

Cooking

cApTuRinG sOuLs-

Learning about Witchcraft/Supernatural/Celestial

Music Taste:

Lofi

Anti-Nightcore/Nightcore

Viking Chants

Sea Shanties

Celtic instrumentals

Death metal

Instrumental

Old Rock

Classical

Bands/song writers: Skillet, SKÁLD, Faun, Black Briar, MARETU, Steampianist, Temporex, Penelope Scott, Mirical Music, Alice Cooper, Pink Floyd, Angel Maker, Forest Music, Panic! At the Disco, MESA works design, , Harrison (not too much into bands but here are the general ones I listen too)

Appearance

Eyes: Brown/Black has bags under eyes

Hair: Red (henna dyed), it's frizzy at the tips and it's long (cab length) and thick (I hate it's length, but parents...)

Skin: Pale (warm tone)

Body type: In between Skinny and overweight, wide shoulders, actually muscular

Anything else?: Teeth have tiny canines, sometimes can have wolf ears and tail showing, kinda thick thighs-, 5'6ish, usually wearing school uniform. Hero uniform includes a black Cape with under it being a black mechanical suit that is bullet and elemental proof, boots are sharp and steel toed resembling a wolf's paw, wears a head mask that looks wolfish as well in the front but in the back of the mask has fur in the back (look towards some reference of the princess mononoke headgear) (not completely like a wolf but sorta resembles one), the mask also helps with muffled hearing and sight because I am sensitive to those things.

Traits I look for S/O: Empathetic, kind, cooperative, someone who also finds comfort in darkness or the shade, someone that knows how to take things seriously but also having a humors side, trusting and loyal, someone that can work with others (I'm usually a loner but I try to work with others), someone that would at least like to have a relationship that includes physical affection (I am a touched starved peep-), I guess someone that works, likes, or even somehow resembles an animal, some that doesn't get angry easily and is patient, introvert an extrovert doesn't matter to be (I guess if I had to choose maybe someone in between the 2?), and I guess someone that just tolerates my presence and doesn't or call me a piece of shit.

Traits I cannot be around with a S/O: Anger...I can't be around angry people because they scare me to the point I become panicked, people that work towards apathy (I may be empathetic but with someone that can't or won't return the same comfort when needed, they exhaust me), untrusting, someone who is a dick to everyone except me (it just seems suspicious and hurtful), someone who is closed minded, someone that has joy in hurting other maliciously, someone who loves bright lights/areas/lives by the sun, guess someone who wants a 24/7 therapist (again it can become exhausted and I know how it is...it isn'tthat nice.)

Star sign: Capricorn (sun), Gemini (moon), Cancer (rising)

Personality type: INTJ, Lawful Neutral

HP House: Hufflepuff that isn't afraid to kickass

Fun facts!:

I'm somewhat of an animal whisperer

Obsessed with herbs and Crystals

I know it seemed edgy with my hatred towards light, but in all honesty the late does infact bother and irritate me, especially when it's hot

Intrested in the celestial and supernatural

I look at horror and nature documentaries

I've trained my dog to come when I howl

I guess if loving spicy food counts as a fun fact then count that in

Ehhhhh...switch sub-

cAndLe bOi-

I must apologize if this is a lot, I just wanted the matchup as accurate as possible, but again thank you for having the ask box open and I hope you have a good day!

Honestly while I read your description, all I could think of was Tokoyami!

I think it’s pretty obvious why?? You two share a lot of things in common. The two of you are very calm individuals, and I can see you both being voices of reason not only to the people surrounding you, but to each other as well. In a way, I think you can even tend to challenge each other and even push (to a healthy extent) the other to become the best version of themselves.

The VIBE you two have. It’s almost too good. And while Tokoyami isn’t affectionate in public, he’d be more than happy to indulge in your starvation for touch behind closed doors! Don’t tell anyone, but he’s a straight up cuddlebug. And I can totally see him digging the spiritual/celestial stuff?? Maybe he won’t actually know anything, but he’d be so hyped if you were willing to teach him omg I can totally see this as your go-to type of date, that’s so sweet 🥺

Songs!!

- Breathe (In the Air), Pink Floyd (I honestly see you and Tokoyami straight up vibing to Dark Side of the Moon like no other to be honest)

- In the Lap of the Gods, Queen

- Sense of Doubt, David Bowie (THIS VIBE IS SO DARK AND URGH I CAN SEE THIS AS A V I B E FOR YOU TWO - However, Neuköln could be a close second to portray this vibe!)

- Killing a Little Time, David Bowie

[cr0wprince]

Now I’m afraid my name might be brought up though. I did some shitty things with her when we were friends. It’s been five to almost seven years (five since the last time I spoke to her and almost seven since I met her). I was 17-18 in the time I knew her and I’m very easily influenced by the people around me, but I’m ultimately responsible for my actions. I saw another ex-friend of hers brought up (not by name) and now I’m kind of scared.

I’m gonna be a little vague and my memory isn’t the best (I try to block things out as a defense mechanism), but I’m going to try to recount it, just for my own benefit. I’m not even going to name her, but will refer to her as LR. I don’t think anyone cares tbh lmao

I met her in 2014. It was probably February or March, so I was 17. We were both cosplaying Attack on Titan, very big at the time. Someone posted in a con Facebook group that they made a cosplay group for the area/con for Attack on Titan. I only had my jeans, shirt, jacket (that I made), wig, and glasses for Hanji at that time and I posted a picture, “I’m not too confident in how I look, but here’s my cosplay.” and she commented that it was a good cosplay. We went from there, started chatting, and made plans to meet at the con. She was 19 at the time, of it really matters, but we were still age appropriate friends.

The con comes by. I didn’t wear Attack on Titan the first day, felt kind of left out when we started meeting other people from the group. She’s always been a social butterfly (I think it’s an attention thing more than she actually enjoys it tbh, but I might be biased??) and I’ve been really shy about approaching people after being bullied in middle school. The next two days I wore my unfinished SNK cosplay, didn’t have the belts, but had a fun time.

She ran a panel and promised that I could be Hanji in it and let someone else be Hanji as well, and this person got more attention because she was more outgoing, which kind of bummed me out, but at 17, I was a very jealous cosplayer and would get jealous about people cosplaying the same thing as me. Not a healthy mindset, but it is what it is and you grow from it.

She had told me she was in pre-med (I’m going to remind you she’s 19 at this point, not unusual but it’s what she tells me next which is the questionable part) and that she’s going to start on the medical stuff the next year. I’m 17 and naive and don’t question it. I know now pre-med takes four years. This is an example of her lying to me/holding things in.

We continued being friends with the SNK group, had meetups at a local park, and whatever. She lamented to me about not being able to go to Colossalcon because she couldn’t afford it or something and my parents pay for cons, so I talked them into letting her stay with us. I had started cosplaying Ymir to her Christa and I did have a cry privately to LR when another girl cosplayed Ymir to another girl’s Christa because the other Christa felt left out by me being LR’s Ymir. I felt jealous they got more attention, again, not a healthy mindset, but I was 17 and convinced I was going to be a professional cosplayer. I know now it’s a bad mindset. LR took my meltdown the wrong way, which I’ll get to later.

It wasn’t long after, maybe a couple months. She had stopped hanging out with the friend I had met her with at the con, which I realize now is kind of sus, but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. But anyway, a couple months later at most, she makes a post in the Facebook group that she’s been feeling left out of the SNK group. A few people from it got together to talk about it, she finds out, and I get pissed. I make a big post in the group about how they’re purposely leaving her out. I’m loyal to a fault, and sometimes it blinds me. It splits the group, they still keep together, but LR and I separate from them.

We move on to different series and start doing cosplay photos. It’s something I wanted to do for a while. She’s a little hesitant, but I hype it up and she eventually gets into it. At Otakon, she asks mentions if I’d be okay with her cosplaying Juvia (a big comfort character of mine, and one I’d failed to finish a cosplay of that con, but I’d gotten Levy done, which still worked with her Lucy) and I’m thrown off guard. I tell her no lmao. I mean really though, what would I do? But it’s important later.

I have big plans. I don’t always finish my big plans. I want to do a ton of different cosplays and she feeds into me. She finishes things while I normally don’t. I realize I shouldn’t have agreed to do so many, but also, the one’s she made aren’t unwearable? She can cosplay without me matching? But it’s something she internalizes.

We book lots of shoots. It’s fun! We don’t get the most expensive photographers (we’re 18 and 20 at the time) but it’s fun. There’s a particular photographer I wanted to work with and she books her since she’s dealing with it at this point since I have a lot of anxiety talking to people. By the time the con rolls around, my costume didn’t work out the way I wanted and my skirt is held up with safety pins. It shows in the photos, so does her back acne. She goes on a tangent on her Facebook cosplay page about how unprofessional the photographer is, how she doesn’t edit photos for anyone but her friends. I, unfortunately, share it. At that time, neither of us have a big following (I still don’t, she doesn’t really either, only 3,700 after she remade, but did have almost 10k at one point), so it doesn’t go far. The photographer and friends stick up for the photographer and it doesn’t go anywhere luckily.

I’m falling deeper into depression at this point. I’m not finishing projects I’m supposed to do with her, messages are spotty on my end. We still do a couple of cons together. The next con of the first we met at comes around, I don’t have anything done, I’m mortified. I skip a whole day. It’s in driving distance so it’s not like I was wasting a whole hotel day. She gets photos solo. It seems fine.

She messages me one day that her parents kicked her out. Something about a fight over her mom saying minimum wage workers don’t work as hard and LR snapping back. Her parents were really nice the couple of times I met them, which isn’t always indicative of how someone really is, but now I feel in my gut that there had to be something more. It feels like petty reason. She moves into her grandparents (and further selfies match that, so it seems like it had to be bad if she never went back). She messages me this and I’m thrown so off guard. Yeah, we called each other best friends. We didn’t talk to many other people as far as I knew at that point, but I had no idea what to say. It’s bad on my part, but I didn’t answer her for a week.

She didn’t message me or anything, didn’t delete me off Facebook, but vague posted me there about being there for people when they won’t be there for you, and people were hyping her up. I realized it might’ve been about me. I called her crying, terrified. Sent her messages. I don’t exactly remember what transpired, but did make up.

There was a point she told me she was dropping pre-med to become an accountant because it took a year and she wanted to focus on cosplay. Again, stupid 18yo me believed that that made sense and was like, “Oh okay!”

We went to a couple more cons, I’m pretty sure she was using me. We make plans for Youmacon, but I don’t message her for like a week in September of 2015. She asks if I’m okay (the only time) I tell her I’m doing really bad. We don’t talk until close to the con. I admit to her that I was thinking of admitting myself to the psych ward it was that bad, but though I didn’t tell her that, it’s ultimately a very hard, very personal choice. (I made it in May and it’s not an easy choice.) She tears me a new one, saying I should’ve went, that I was using her for companionship. She said she had plans to go to another con?? So the way I see it, she cared more about going to a con than anything else. She never checked in on me after I told her I was doing bad, just to take my time.

She has a new bff at this point. This is going to be so cruel, but her new friend isn’t as put together, which is fine! Cosplay is for fun! But I mention this because they get photos together. After my obsession with becoming a professional cosplayer, LR got into that mindset too. I’m so fucking sure that she used this other girl in photos to look better next to. The difference is so obvious in photos.

I make a cosplay that LR cosplayed when we were friends. I’m so proud. I haven’t finished anything in months. I cosplay a couple of things she did, but we were friends at one point, we like the same series, and there are a lot of big series. It’s bound to happen.

She vagues me on Instagram. She continues to stalk me on there (and I did her, not proud of it, but I’ll admit it). She posts things about how an ex friend had a breakdown over her having other friends (when I confided in her my jealousy over the Ymir/Christa duo), how I wouldn’t let her cosplay Juvia lmao (this still gets me. What would I do? Break your arm? You asked me on the spot and I was uncomfortable.). There was one Juvia cosplay post that I mentioned I had lost weight because while my uncle was dying, I wasn’t eating. I was helping with cleaning his house and I just wasn’t fucking eating. She took that as a jab about her because she has self image issues. There was also a big post she made how she KNEW I was cosplaying all the same things as her to make her jealous and to make her insecure, mentioning me by name even. I reported it and it got taken down.

I’d heard things through the grapevine. How she started shit in the Fate community and she was afraid of being beat up at Katsucon’s public photoshoot. How she tried to make a Love Live group, but when two girls couldn’t afford it and they would no longer have all nine, she threw a fit and cancelled the whole group. I’d also heard about her making a fuss over photos she got back when a cosplayer’s grandparent was dying. I stayed away after like a year, but a couple of people who knew me that knew I was friends with her would tell me things.

I wasn’t the best person, either. I’ll take responsibility for that. I wish I could apologize to the people I hurt while friends with her, but I no longer remember their names. I was a dumb teenager. I still get swept up in the people around me and get carried away when the people I are about are hurt. Maybe it’s something I need to work on. But, I ultimately don’t think she’s grown. I don’t think she’s gotten better. I think she’s only gotten worse over the year.

I’m not proofreading. There might be more, but it was a lot to go through, but I wanted to get it out. I hope the read more works, but I’m gonna throw on a long post warning too. If you read this, thank you, by the way. I just felt like I had to get it out.

[olivenight17]

Hi! How are you doing? I'd like to request a MHA matchup if that's alright (a relationship partner and an unofficial parental figure, or just the significant other if you want!). I'm 167 cm ), the same age range as the students, and a female. I've got ADHD, anxiety, severe depression, and bpd. I kinda bottle my issues/ negative emotions and keep up a mask of bubbly joy (the stuff just nags at the back of my brain). I'm in choir, I cosplay, write, draw, and I'm overall artistic. (1/?)

My zodiac sign is Ares. I like to describe my style as “I would be super punk rock/goth/emo but my mom won’t buy me the super awesome clothes so I’ll made do with what I have.”. I love punk music and rock music. On my bad days it’s really hard for me to get out of bed, I’ll often go nonverbal, I get insomnia, and just kinda stare off into space (it can take days for me to climb out of these holes). I have issues with my family and due to that I crave affection from others. (2/?)

I love stuffed animals and have like 23, have a habit of building ‘nests’, and I’m a bit of a goblin when it comes to shiny things and bones (I collect them!). Anyways, thank you so much and have a great day! (3/3)

Let me tell you hon, we’re almost cut from the same cloth, I relate so hard to you. I really hope you get to take on that full punk rock look eventually, I’ll be cheering for you!

Alright, parentally wise, I basically effective immediately knew who would be best for you and I give you, our lovely Emi Fukukado!

- This lady, let me tell you, is about to be all over you parentally.

- Her whole job basically consists of making people laugh, so she can tell when someone’s smiling face is real or fake.

- She sees right through that happy mask and immediately her heart says “No, this won’t do. The child needs to be happy.”

- From that point onwards, it has become her mission to have you smile a real smile at least once a day.

- She may seem ditzy and not good for parenting, but she is a teacher after all, she knows how to take care of kids.

- Becomes your #1 supporter, doing extensive research on all of your mental illnesses. She would never want to do anything to unintentionally harm you in any way and knowing is always half the battle.

- Is very just, kind towards you, understanding that this is hard to get through but she’s very patient and will never raise her voice at you.

- Wants to limit how much you’re bottling your emotions, so she tries to get you to talk about your day every time you come home from school. She makes it clear that you’re allowed to come to her for anything. She wants to know how you’re feeling because it best helps her.

- The nonverbal side is a little daunting for her at first. Only because she can’t help if she doesn’t know what’s happening. If it’s just a no verbal speech, she might ask you to shake or nod your head to her questions. But if it’s like no communication period, she’ll let you stay in bed, make sure you have your stuffed animals with you and just stay with you until you’re ready to talk. And, if you’re comfortable with it, she’ll hug you too.

- The good thing about Emi is that she’ll give you affection all of the time.

- She supports all of your hobbies, helping you to find the right wig or costume, good art supplies, listens to your singing. And have no fear, if you weren’t able to go full on punk before, you will now. Just because Emi doesn’t wear that herself, doesn’t mean she will not spoil you rotten and practically fill your wardrobe with leather jackets and dark clothing.

- Not to mention, she just loves your stuffed animals, and it only serves to love you as her daughter more.

- It takes her a while to adjust to the whole nesting thing and especially when some shiny things in the house go missing, but now she knows where to look if she needs said shiny things. And if she sees any shiny things while out on the job, she brings them home for you.

- Overall, she’s 10/10 supportive mom who will love you no matter what, support you, and always up to make you laugh and smile.

Now for your romantic partner, have none other than sunshine boi Mirio!

- The human representation of the sun is here to love you at all times and make sure you know it!

- 10/10 thinks you’re the most adorable person he’s ever laid eyes on.

- So, like any good extrovert, he roped you into friendship!

- Really loves to hang out with you and, like Emi, loves your stuffed animals. He thinks it’s super cute.

- In fact, the first date he took you on was at a carnival and it was purely just to get you more stuffed animals.

- Always brings you small little punk presents, whether it’s a cd from your favorite band, or an extra choker for you, he is all on board with that style and thinks it looks really good on you!

- Though, he won’t be too pushy with you. He is friends with Tamaki after all so at least with anxiety and self doubt, he’s all good on how to handle.

- With some of the other things, such as the bpd, ADHD and depression, he might need some help with. So, he’ll ask you about it, trying to get what works for you and what doesn’t, any signs he needs to look out for.

- Always has you eating lunch with him to make sure you eat, if you get hungry because you missed breakfast, he’s got a few snacks on hand for you. On top of that, he sends little reminders to eat dinner when you’re both at home.

- Rest assured, Mirio is on the lookout and making sure you’re taking care of yourself and he’s gonna try his hardest not to let you fall too hard.

- If at any time you go nonverbal with him, he understands. He’ll still be talking to you, but he’ll make it clear that you don’t have to answer him. Lol believe me, he’s got enough socialization to talk for the both of you.

- Super hyped for all of your hobbies. He wants to read all of your writings, he’ll go see all of the performances your choir makes, see your drawings, and he’ll love all of your cosplays. In fact, if you take that cosplay to a con, he might even dress up to cosplay with you.

- Need affection you say? Oh honey, it’s practically done and done. He has so much affection and love for you, just say the word and he will unleash it all upon you in words of affirmation and a lot of hugs and kisses.

- Overall, your relationship is filled with a lot of encouragement, love and support, you two look out for each other.

I hope you enjoyed!

[howifuckeduphowtochange]

uhhhh yeah gotta kill that part that still feels it.

like no joke insert cheesy “I want to be free of this pain” star wars gif

can’t even open twitter and unfollow her because i’ll still have to see her semi-personal tweets about crushes or some shit. it’s over it’s over I won’t even download a dating app right now because of my god damn self esteem and body image.

Lack of motivation, scared of health issues and the future, low self esteem, worries of worst case scenarios meeting people, and feelings of uselessness combine and make me all the more anxious about everything constantly.

Thank god there’s people on discord to socialize with because I would not be able to handle being in my own head when I’m not physically hanging out with a group.

I hate my job but don’t want to take a pay cut to go back to HG, and I still need a flexible hour job for classes so I can’t get a job where they have a fixed schedule. I hate my schedule but I don’t want to be annoying or assertive when everyone else has to do that. I’m so fucking burnt out, literal highlight of the month was just my 3D modeling class liking my project.

gotta lose weight, or at least trim up my stomach, what are the odds the second I try to get serious and use Ring Fit Adventure that I pulled multiple things in my back and then later pull a groin muscle (maybe??) enough to make me worry about having a hernia.

Stay positive! :) gotta get hype and make cosplay for first real con in June! Simple but it fits! Keep my social skills sharp!

This used to be a self hate blog of when I messed up with a girl, I used it when stuff changed between us and messed me up and now it’s still that and a vent blog so that’s cool. Gotta let it out somehow. Better than talking about it to myself aloud.

[entergamingxp]

PSO2 New Genesis Will Hopefully Be Much More Than a Visual Update

July 24, 2020 6:00 AM EST

Our hopes and fears for New Genesis, a new content update coming in 2021, promising to bring game system renewals to PSO2.

Phantasy Star Online 2 New Genesis is the new update coming to PSO2 in 2021, bringing with it a graphics update and a renewal of the game’s systems. The update celebrates the 20th anniversary of Phantasy Star Online.

Sega first revealed New Genesis during Microsoft’s Xbox Series X games showcase on July 23. Seeing it’s an update, not a brand-new game, PSO3, or anything like that, it’ll obviously be coming to the same platforms PSO2 is on, meaning Windows 10 and Xbox One, with an Xbox Series X version coming. This also means that in Japan though, New Genesis will be on PC, PS4, and Nintendo Switch via Cloud gaming. Note that the Japanese version of PSO2 on PC is very easily accessible in English thanks to fans.

I always wondered why Sega finally decided to officially release PSO2 outside Japan in 2020; nine years after the game’s first Closed Alpha Test in Japan. Now we all know why. PSO2 New Genesis definitely makes the game more beautiful, all while keeping certain visual elements for which PSO2 wouldn’t be PSO2, like the uncanny valley character faces. Players who unlike me, care about graphics, will definitely be appealed. However, I’m worried as to whether they will stick with the game once the initial sense of discovery and hype dies down, and I’m skeptical as to what this update will bring to PSO2 besides better visuals.

PSO2 New Genesis Reveal Trailer

If you already play PSO2, the Japanese version at least, you know the game is currently in Episode 6. Well, New Genesis seems pretty much to be Episode 7 except with a fancy name rather than the usual numbering. The Japanese press release also sells it as a “new game”, but it’s ultimately an update. An update which seems voluminous and promising.

Besides the graphical update, new content and game systems changes will be coming. The video hints that new classes will be added. Though rather than brand new classes, it looks like at least the three original classes of PSO2, Hunter, Ranger, and Force, are all getting newer versions with fancier movements. Most notably the jet-boots like things all characters seem to possess now, which allows for quick bursts of movement. Most enemies seems more imposing than before too, with a focus on fighting a single monster instead of a swarm. The original Phantasy Star Online on Dreamcast was one of the inspirations for Capcom’s Monster Hunter, which itself became an inspiration for many others. It seems like Sega is again throwing the ball back. Thorough the trailer, the combat actually doesn’t feel that much different from current PSO2 though.

Phantasy Star Online, Phantasy Star Universe, Phantasy Star Online 2, Phantasy Star Nova, and now PSO2 New Genesis.

I’ve entered the Phantasy Star Online series with its first entry in 2000, played every version barring Universe, and ultimately kept playing PSO Blue Burst on PC private servers till 2011. As such, I was pretty eager to get into PSO2 when it was announced, and started the game with the first Closed Alpha Test in August 2011. While I quickly noticed how different it is from PSO1, I still greatly enjoyed it. Overall, PSO2 greatly improved over the years. You wouldn’t believe how slow the characters’ running speed initially was. The game is a much better and pleasant experience now compared to its beginnings. And yet my excitement and enjoyment died down over the years, only playing to hangout with online friends, but ultimately taking an indefinite hiatus from the game since late 2018.

In my opinion, PSO2 has multiple problems, and they’re quite hard to explain as they only hit you once you’ve spent a considerable amount of time with the game. But one way to sum it up well is how it ultimately feels like the game controls your play schedule. Mainly because of the scheduled Emergency Quests every week, which are the most interesting and the most rewarding content. PSO2 ultimately decides for you when do you play, what do you play, and when do you stop playing. Overall, in my last months of playing PSO2, it often felt like a chore rather than a game, even without min-maxing or when trying to enjoy the game as a “casual” player.

Min-maxing in PSO2 is also not worth it as it’s incredibly costly, in time, money, and most possibly real money. The act of “Affixing” equipment in PSO2 feels like a gacha game inside the game, and can easily screw you over. PSO2 definitely changed as I’m talking from experiences from 2011 to 2018, but at the very least back then, I couldn’t think of any content that was worth min-maxing. As long as you and all the players you play with don’t get hit much and have good, up-to-date equipment, which isn’t too hard to get, you could clear any endgame content. Which in turn made the grind of repeating the same Emergency Quests and endgame content over and over all the more pointless. It’s ultimately not worth it unless you wish to brag by uploading videos on YouTube where you solo bosses planned for 12 players. (Technically you could do that even without min-maxing, but those are always timed battles, so even if you’re skilled enough to never get hit, you won’t beat the bosses without enough DPS.)

Another issue is how PSO2 often fails to keep older content relevant, and always keep adding more and more on top instead of improving preexisting elements. This also makes it hard for beginner players lacking knowledge, who could spend hours and hours running certain quests for rewards that aren’t actually “worth” anything. With better equipment available through easier means. I’m worried New Genesis might turn out to this same pattern all over again.

It’s worth noting PSO2 also has a pretty good story mode. With the addition of New Genesis, what will happen to all the previous PSO2 main story content? Will it be rendered unplayable, only reduced to a compilation of cutscenes? This already happened in the past, and I fear it might happen again.

If there’s one thing PSO2 excels at however, and what New Genesis will be improving, it’s being one of the best cosplay games there is.

One particular aspect PSO2 is very good for is being a cosplay and fashion customization game, and that’s definitely one of the points New Genesis will focus on. PSO2 already has very extensive character customization options, especially when it comes to female characters and mecha, seeing we’re talking about a Japanese otaku game here. Most hardcore players on PSO2 I knew weren’t spending hours and hours for the rare drops and weps, but to get enough money to buy the newest clothes for their 765 years old youkai loli character.

PSO2 also had numerous collabs in eight years, adding costumes and customization options from Sega franchises like Sakura Taisen but also dozens of iconic Japanese popculture elements from Eva to costumes designed by Suzuhito Yasuda. Again though, most of these are only obtainable through real-money gacha with abyssal drop rates, or by spending gigantic amounts of in-game money, buying from other players.

In any case, I strongly hope PSO2 New Genesis will try and bring some new solutions, instead of simply painting over mold. I have high hopes for the “system redesigning” it will bring. In Japan, PSO2 regularly has live streams detailing upcoming content, so we’ll learn more soon. While we’re moving to next-gen in the middle of a pandemic, with the world being in the weirdest place we’ve ever experienced, PSO2 will stay relevant in the world of free-to-play online JRPGs with gacha-like elements. It’ll definitely be a serious competitor to Genshin Impact and Blue Protocol.

July 24, 2020 6:00 AM EST

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/07/pso2-new-genesis-will-hopefully-be-much-more-than-a-visual-update/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=pso2-new-genesis-will-hopefully-be-much-more-than-a-visual-update

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Svt's Reaction to their S/O who's secretly an otaku

Requested by anon

Seungcheol- Is it just me or would Seungcheol be super confused at first? “Babe, a package came in the mail? It’s a bunch of manga and anime stuff? When did you buy all this?” He’d find it super cute though when he finds out. A lot of teasing… “Damn sweetheart, you don’t even obsess about Seventeen as much as some of this…” He’d probably be super curious what it was all about. Finds out your next shipment of stuffs is coming at 5:00pm and ends up staying up until 4:00am reading/watching anime. He’s hooked. Now he obsessively nerds out with you about all your favs and y'all get into fights over who’s merch was who’s.

“Stop stealing my manga to read on the toilet, y/n!!!”

Jeonghan- Probably doesn’t understand it whatsoever, but he loves you so he’s not going to complain about it. Unless you’re not paying enough attention to him, then he’ll jokingly take your stuff and hide it somewhere high up or under his shirt. “Yah! Are you in love with this or me, huh?” Always falls asleep on the couch with his head on your shoulder while you’re catching up on the latest and unapologetically fake snores or tickles you to get your attention. Surprisingly takes extreme care to never damage any of your prized possessions until maybe one day when something goes missing and he claims it wasn’t him although you found it under his pillow.

“I swear, I was just using it for scientific research, don’t kill me, y/n.” 

Joshua- This dork is freaking the fluff out, he’s always been super into this kind of stuff and can’t believe you never told him so he could have someone to fanboy/girl over it with him. “Have you seen/watched/read this?” “You have to check this one out, y/n!” You both probably have every evening dedicated to geeking out together and making theories, a lot of discussions and arguments over plot, favorite characters, best ships. He’d probably be more happy about the whole thing than you are because now he doesn’t have to hide it either.

“Y/n, this just means we're a better match for each other, more than we thought!”

Jun- Oh my god this boi will tease you forever I swear. But not in the mean way, just enough to make you react in a way he thinks is freaking adorable. And because he wants to make you think he’s jealous. “Wouldn’t you rather be staring at me all day?” You of course tease him back and say no, which he lowkey get’s offended. You always explain the plot to him over and over because he forgets a lot. He wants to understand what he’s watching or reading but also just wants to hear you talk about something so passionately. Eventually he’ll want your attention on him again. 

“Babe I’m so much better. Better looking, I’m a real person, which means I can touch you…”

Hoshi- Turns into a little fluffy hamster because even if he doesn’t like it as much as dance, he can appreciate you and your loves. In his mind it’s like, me = dance, y/n = anime. Thinks your reaction is the fluffiest ever so constantly buys you manga or anime plushies. Definitely will watch your shows with you. Cries when someone dies. “Y/n why? did? that? why?” “Soonyoungie, that didn’t kill them, they have powers.” “Oh.” Gets inspired by the manga or anime and creates seventeen’s choreography with it. So next time you guys watch or read together,

“OOO! Remember that choreo I showed you, it was from this.”

Wonwoo- You know this boy already loves to read. So when he finds out you like anime and manga, he’s reluctant. Not because he’s judging you but because he wants to like it too but what if manga isn’t his thing. Ends up really liking some of them because he really likes the plot, character, etc. Becomes comfortable with all the pictures with words. And secretly loves it just as much as you. “Y/n~ look what I got.” “HOW. THAT JUST RELEASED!” “Hehe, when me and the guys were in Japan...” You guys read them together. Always. But.

“BABE, did you read the first chapter without me?? I can see the book creases!”

Woozi- He’s the one pretending to not understand why you’re obsessing over this when he knows perfectly well why. Endless teasing, “Babe, why is there a small plastic person staring at me when we sleep?” Secretly thinks it’s adorable but would never admit it to you. He also loves anime but every time you bring this up he’s like, “what? who”. Denies any kind of fanboying he’s ever done. “nope you got the wrong person.” One day out of nowhere, he makes you listen to this track. “I got inspired while you were listening to that ost, and your love and passion for it made me realize all over again how beautiful you are and I put this together to remind you of that.”

“I can sometimes pay attention, you know y/n, and what I saw, I won’t forget, passion and beauty, something I admire a lot.”

Dk- Practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. Will ask you to explain everything too him with a bright smile. Get into multiple anime and manga but forgets it all. Always wants to watch it to see what’s it about but asks questions. “I DIDN’T KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT” Still fanboys with you, hypes everything up, buys you gifts when he remembers. You think he’s the most adorable ever because he’ll fanboy about something not knowing it at all. “Do you remember this character at all?” "Nope"

“Which one is that, y/n? Should I style my hair like that? Would it make you laugh?”

MIngyu- Protests about it at first, but will end up doing everything with you. Only protests because he wanted you to fangirl about him. He tries really hard to get into stuff with you, but he doesn't really ever understand what happens. He's too distracted by their hair colors and outfit choices to pay attention to the plot. He's willing to bake themed cakes and make other themed foods for you whenever though, keeps dinners interesting. And good luck if you fangirl/boy over just one character too much. That's going to make Mingyu playfully jealous, a lot of tickling and teasing and chasing around the sofa if you keep going on and on about your fav.

"I mean I admit he’s handsome and cool, but I’m a much better visual to stare at.”

The8- He'd probably act the most indifferent on the outside, "I'm not stupid, y/n, there's a life-size cardboard cutout in the closet, did you think I didn't notice?" "Everyone has their own likes and preferences, doesn't change the fact that I love you. So why even hide it in the first place?" Secretly looks at your stuff so one day when you're talking about your fav otp, out of nowhere he says, " ______ makes a better couple though." You both would probably playfully bicker over the best couples all the time. He still pretends he's not just as obsessive as you are though.

"I love you, quirks and all. Plus if you can still love me after trying to flip water bottles for a good hour or so, it all works out in the end."

 Seungkwan- Is like what is this? at first. But honestly just pretending because he already kinda knew because of Joshua. Just wanted to see you slightly offended because you look cute. He's going to be EXTRA af though. Goes around screaming character catchphrases and singing the OST's at the top of his lungs. Cosplays as characters he barely knows and jumps off of chairs and from behind doors to scare you. "Guess who I am babe?" Acts out scenes repeatedly and runs around yelling and overacting as usual. Is fascinated by the costuming choices,

“Gosh for seventeen next concept, we’ll dress up as anime characters.”

Vernon- Finds it hella hilarious because he fanboys over stuff all the time and now he knows you do too. Y'all now both have your own fandoms that you always obsess over and neither of you want to get into the other's. "A new episode comes out tonight!" "I already called dibs on the tv though!" A lot of tickle fights to see who gets the tv. He thinks it's great that you have obsessions like he does and although you both aren't really interested in each other's fandoms, y'all fangirl/boy together. Also steals your fav character body pillow to snuggle with.

"I don't know who this is, but if you want it back y/n, you're going to have to take its place."

Dino- This cutie is a confused marshmallow. He's really respectful of your interests though, and never refuses you when you ask him to watch something with you. He can't help it, you're too cute to refuse. He, like Minghao, wouldn't understand why you had to hide it though. He'll drag you out to stores he researched and ask you to pick out all your favs, and then just listens to you rant about certain issues or episodes or characters. He loves listening to you go on and on about it and out of curiosity ask you to point out stuff in shops and explain the whole plot to him.

"SO you're telling me, that there are like 60 characters you have to keep track of? How?"

MASTERLIST

[phoenixyfriend]

This is all personal drama, so feel free to skip. In fact, please do if you aren’t like... at least a mutual.

Like a good 80% of my internet friends who I vent to about my IRL friends are advising me to just cut all connections, but like:

(Under a cut because I’m publicly airing SO much dirty laundry as part of my grievances but I can’t... not. At this point, I don’t even care if they see. Maybe they’ll figure out how much has gone wrong if they do. It was just going to be a list of why cutting ties is hard, but I ended up venting instead.)

(DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, REBLOG THIS)

1. They still have some of my stuff. 1b. I forgot to add this the first time I wrote the post but they still have my fucking rakija, I want that back at some point, dammit. 2. We have mutual friends (who think there’s still a way to salvage the friendship). 2b. I met almost all of my IRL friends through them, so it would be hard to cut ties with them completely unless I felt like ruining working friendships. 3. They genuinely haven’t realized how angry I actually am. 4. I don’t think ANYONE IRL realizes that I haven’t genuinely, wholeheartedly enjoyed their company in over three years. 5. Seriously, every single time we’ve hung out is me going “maybe it’ll be better THIS time” except no, it never is. 6. I just ended up feeling like the kid in a drama about verbal domestic abuse, who leaves the room and tries to ignore the yelling when “Mom and Dad” fight. 6b. One of them also blamed me for “making” them fight just by being there, which just completes the metaphor. 7. It doesn’t help that they refuse to take me seriously because I’m “the baby of the group” despite the fact that I am, surprisingly, a grown-ass adult. 8. Or that I’ve cried the last few times I hung out with them, and they never acknowledged (or even realized, in some cases) that they hurt me. 9. Keep hyping me up for things and then cancelling last-minute to the point where I no longer believe anything they say, tbh. 9b. I joke inside that this is a friendship that’s built on broken promises and the only reason it’s a joke is that a few promises actually WERE kept! Haha! 9c. Have I mentioned the birthday presents yet? No? Great, let’s do that! They hyped me up for my 21st birthday gifts, and the late 2016/early 2018 holiday gifts and... never actually gave them to me? Which would be fine, but I’m turning 22 in less than two weeks and got back from Japan like ten months ago, so, you know, that’s a thing. Hell, I’d have been fine with no gifts, because I know my friends are all struggling twenty-somethings, but I’ve repeatedly been told they exist and just never??? Fucking??? Ugh, just don’t hype me up for a gift and then act so annoyed when I ask about it that I just give up on ever seeing the damn thing. 9d. This one’s kinda petty, but like... who comes to a graduation party and doesn’t even bring a card? Like I understand not bringing a gift, because broke twenty-somethings, but still. Not even a card, or goddamn chocolate bar. (This one is petty because I did the same thing two years earlier, but in my defense I was still in college, while they’ve had jobs for like two years, and I think had way less warning about the get-together than they did, though that might be wrong.) 10. Lost about $40 of my fabric (it’s being held hostage by one’s family) and planned on never telling me. Ever. They say (according to a mutual friend) that they were hoping I wouldn’t find out so they’d get it back without me ever knowing it had gone missing, but honestly... 11. At least 75% of the issues they’ve had with me in the past are actually probably me having autism. So that’s fun. 11b. Guess who actually suspected she might have autism back in sophomore year, but was “assured” by one of these friends that she clearly didn’t, and then continued to stay in denial about it until like... a month or two ago? Haha. 12. “You can be our financial advisor!” *Proceeds to literally never ask for my advice on things I clearly know more about, and gets angry/annoyed/passive-aggressive when I point out their marketing is flawed* 13. I nearly failed a class because I was in their musical, but hey, that’s fine. 13b. I actually really enjoyed the musical, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was poorly managed and I couldn’t actually practice my main role because nobody bothered to give me an accurate recording of the music I was meant to be dancing to, or a significant amount of time to work with the musician, so I ended up fumbling on stage. 13c. I’d say that I feel used, but I kind of used them back at the beginning, since they introduced me to cosplay and did all the sewing early on? 13d. Granted, when I asked them to teach me to sew so I wouldn’t need to rely on/use them, and could maybe contribute a little in return, they freaked out on me because they were worried they wouldn’t be seen as a useful/worthwhile friend, so after a certain point I can’t even say it was my fault. 13e. I do feel emotionally used, though. For a lot of reasons. That’s not new. 14. Did I mention that I once said I must be good at masking when I’m hurt by something they say/do, since they never noticed, and then got a response of (I’m paraphrasing) “Oh no, you’re really obvious about it, but I was sewing, so I didn’t acknowledge it since you deserved it.” Well, if I haven’t already, there it is. 15. It’s been over a month since I freaked out and left because even my minimum fucking needs weren’t being treated as valid, and neither of them has even acknowledged something is wrong beyond a single tumblr post about how it’s “probably just the paranoia,” let alone apologized. Sorry! It’s not the paranoia! You’ve legitimately just been such assholes that I’m having trouble seeing how we can fix this! For three years! You know for a fact that when someone hurts me, I don’t want to go back to normal while pretending nothing happened. I want a fucking apology that acknowledges what happened, why it hurt, and a promise to try better in the future! You know this because I fucking told you to your faces the last time this happened, when I bit the backs of my hands so much you told me I’d get nerve damage from it while hiding in your bed while you comforting each other in the other room. I put up with your shit for three and a half years and I’m so fucking tired now.

I’m tired. I’m tired of the passive-aggressive bullshit. I’m tired of being treated like a child. I’m tired of getting ignored. I’m tired of being let down. I’m tired of having my hurts ignored. I’m tired of the “it’s all about me!” attitude every time they mess up. I’m tired about my pain never being about me. I’m tired of the sarcastic “Well, I’m sorry” that only goes to show how little they actually want to apologize and how little they think they’re supposed to. I’m tired of being treated like shit, and of being worried every time something goes wrong that I’ll watch them regress into treating each other like shit.

I’m fucking tired.

If you’re an IRL friend you know exactly which friends these are and I’m done pretending nothing is wrong. I’m done pretending to forgive them when they don’t even want to admit that they’ve hurt me. I’m not done crying, obviously, since there are tears running down my face as I write this, but what else is new?

(Do I hate them?)

(...at this point, I really might.)

[katiebug445]

Donuts and Comic Books

LingFan week day 6

Prompt: AU

A/N: I know I’m a little late getting this up, but I have been so busy that I nearly forgot about it, but I wanted to do something for this prompt because it caught my eye immediately. 

LanFan took a moment outside the door to collect herself, rehearsing what she was going to say over and over in her mind, before heading inside. For half a second, her fingers hesitated on the handle, unsure if she was prepared enough for this or not. What if they didn’t like her? What if she wasn’t cut out for dealing with people all the time like this, despite how much fun the perks sounded? What if, what if, what if…

This was the perfect job for her, she told herself. It was better than working fast food, wasn’t it? At least here, she’d be working with her own kind; geeks were hard to come across in this city. Giving herself a small shake, she pushed her doubt to the back of her mind and pushed the door open.

There was a man sitting at the counter with his arms folded across the glass with his chin resting on them. When he heard the door, he looked up, giving her a welcoming smile. “Long time no see, LanFan!” he greeted, wheeling himself out from behind the counter. “We were starting to wonder if we’d lost you to the normal world.”

“Of course not! Normal people are too boring!” she replied. The smell of ink on paper - both new and old - filled her nose, and it helped calm her down some. This was where she belonged, she knew it. “I actually had a question for you.”

The man raised an eyebrow, his blue eyes shining and a small smirk on his lips. “If you’re wondering if you’re invited to the staff party screening of Wonder Woman, I hate to break it to you, but you have to actually, you know, be staff. No matter how much we would like to have you there.”

“That’s actually what I wanted to ask about.” LanFan made her way over to him, trying to keep the pleading tone out of her voice as she launched into her speech. “You guys have been understaffed here since I’ve been coming in. Three people isn’t enough to run this place - especially on New Comic Day. And I know the ins and outs of how things are run here enough that you wouldn’t have to train me too much… I also really need a job.”

He was quiet for a second or two before letting out a small chuckle. “Are you just wanting to get hired so you can see Wonder Woman a day early with all of us?”

“No!” She exclaimed. “Okay, a small part of me is, but you know me well enough that you know I’m being serious about this. I’ve been coming in here since I was old enough to read. I, personally, have probably been half the reason you guys have been in business this long. My grandfather’s house is full of boxes of comics, figurines, and board games that have all come from this place. It’s to the point he said if i bring another one home, he’s gonna start charging me for rent.”

The man considered this. “I don’t know, Lan…”

“Please, Mr. Havoc.”

Havoc drummed his fingers across the arm of his wheelchair, eyes flashing between her and the display beside her. “Promise you won’t abuse your discount.”

“I promise!”

“And you won’t fight customers on New Comic Day if they take the issues you want.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“You know dressing up is mandatory during Comic Con week, right?” He asked.

LanFan sighed, rolling her eyes at him. “If I wasn’t prepared to cosplay, I wouldn’t have a closet full of fabric and a sewing machine set up in my room.”

Havoc grinned at her, unlit cigarette nearly falling out of his mouth, and held out his hand. “You’re hired.”

~

He needed a job. That was the first thing on his mind after he moved into his dorm. The room was so small, he barely had room to turn around between the two beds on opposite walls. A small desk was squeezed between his bedframe and the window, with a small stool stuck under it. They would have to share it, but that was okay. His roommate, he thought, barely passed 5’0”, and wouldn’t take up too much space.

Ling got to work on setting up his bed, taking careful time to make sure the sheets were just right before plopping down and looking around. He’d done it. He’d broken away from his family and made it out here on his own. He was completely cut off from his father, now, but that was okay. It would be worth it in the end.

His hand reached out, feeling the sheets beneath him, and an odd feeling of pride swelled in his chest. The mattress and the sheets were his first big purchase he’d made on his own. He’d snagged the desk from a thrift store a few blocks away, and found the stool in the trash, so those didn’t count. Everything about his bed was new. It was exciting.

Ling found out pretty quickly that he wanted to keep buying new things to make his stay here a little more comfortable, but in order to do that, he needed work. And work around a college campus wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to find. Still, he figured he’d try.

~

A couple days and a hint from his roommate later, he found out that the small donut shop just off campus needed a replacement after one of the employees got splashed with oil from the deep fryer and was now in the hospital for third degree burns. Despite the panic he felt at possibly being taken out by the same machine that already had one victim under its belt, the prospect of free donuts won out in the end, and he found himself applying immediately.

He was hired within the week.

~

On the slow days, Ling found himself staring out the window, watching people walk by the window and wondering what they where they were headed with their days, what would happen to them after they left his sight, and if they cared they were being watched by bored strangers.

He rested his arm on the counter, his chin in his hand, and leaning heavily against the glass when he first saw her. The girl across the street, at the comic book store, grinning and laughing with a man in a wheelchair. He immediately straightened up, eyes never leaving her face, how it scrunched up a little when she laughed or smiled. Her dark hair was falling a bit into her eyes, and it was falling out of the bun atop her head, but she didn’t seem like she minded too much.

She was beautiful.

~

He found himself watching her every minute he could spare, the mysterious girl that worked across the street. She always had a smile for whoever came up to her counter, and whenever there was a lull in her day, she bustled around the shop, helping out the wheelchair man, or the dark haired woman who worked alongside them. She never seemed to slow down.

Sometimes she would leave work before him, and he would watch her as she unlocked her bike from the front of the store, get on, and ride off. He wished he could see her a bit longer as she rode off, but unless he wanted to be obvious he was watching her, he couldn’t exactly do that.

~

The routine continued for nearly two months before he finally had enough.

On his break, Ling marched himself across the street, walked directly into the comic book shop, and up to the counter. Her back was to him for a brief moment, but she quickly turned around, and he was slapped in the face with the full effect at how pretty she really was.

Dark brown eyes framed by a small heart-shaped face, hair flying in all directions and hanging close to her eyelashes, that tiny, startled smile to show he’d taken her by surprise. It took him a moment to remind him what he was doing there, and he realized right then and there that he couldn’t exactly just ask her out.

“Can I help you?” She asked sweetly.

It took another second or two to remember how his voice worked. Ling cleared his throat. “Yes, I was wondering if you guys had any…” his eyes darted quickly around, looking for any kind of symbol he recognized, before finally landing on a semi-familiar red S. “Uh… Superman comics?”

The girl blinked, as if she hadn’t heard him right, and came out from behind the counter. “You mean only one of the most popular faces in comic book history? That Superman?” She shot him a quick teasing grin and led the way to the back, pointing at a section of the rack on the wall that was stuffed full of the comics. “Anything in particular you’re looking for, or just curious?”

“My, uh, my roommate really likes superheroes… he won’t shut up about them, actually. I just… kinda wanted to know what the hype was about.”

“Well,” she started, relaxing her stance a little, “is your roommate a Marvel or DC kind of person?”

“Uh… whichever one these are..” he pointed to the Superman and Batman comics.

“Well, then, Superman is a good place to start.” Lanfan replied, hoping she was being helpful. “He’s the typical good guy, everything you’d expect a hero to be. But it’s a little predictable, too. Batman is a bit darker, I personally think he’s a bit more interesting. Then you have Green Lantern, Aquaman, The Flash, and my personal favorite… Wonder Woman.”

That was a name he’d heard before somewhere. Hadn’t Edward compared his girlfriend to Wonder Woman once? “What’s her story?”

The girl looked shocked by that question. “What’s her story? You mean you don’t know who she is? How can you not know?! I have to show you.” She grabbed him by the arm, dragging him a little farther down the row, and not stopping until she landed on a graphic novel of her origin story. “Dianna. Wonder Woman. She’s only the greatest superhero of all time, and my lord and savior.”

She cracked open the novel, and began telling him everything she knew about the heroine. He couldn’t help but think the way her eyes lit up as she got into her explanation was completely adorable, the rise and fall in her voice, the way she spoke about this Amazon fighter, was filled with a passion he only wished he had.

When she stopped for a breath, he quickly checked his watch and swore internally. He had about a minute to get back to work before he was in trouble. He needed to get back. Before she could get started again, he held out his hand. “I’m Ling, by the way. Ling Yao.”

“LanFan.” she replied, looking up at him with a light shade of pink coloring her cheeks.

“Well, LanFan, I need to get back to work before my boss realizes I’m missing, but, I work across the street. If you’re up for some free donuts and a continued conversation about Dianna, I’m over there ‘til eight.” Ling took the graphic novel from her, tucked it under his arm, and walked up to the counter.

She rang him up, handed him the book, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You weren’t bored by it?”

“Not at all! The way you explain it, I might actually be able to get a grasp on what my roommate is talking about sometimes.” he shot her a quick smile, and started towards the door. “My offer still stands, if you want it?”

Her only reply was to return his smile before he took off, and she watched him cross the street back to his own shop. She took a breath, and thought that maybe a donut after work didn’t sound too bad after all.

[a-x-ce]

My Anime Expo Experience

Finally writing this up before I forget because my memory is CRAP.

First con woot woot! This is mega long, probably don’t read it unless you absolutely MUST know about how this went.

The Good

Before I even got to the con I researched and planned and bookmarked and researched some more and came to the conclusion that for me, the highlight of a con, is to do things you can only do at that year. I looked over the panels, the premieres, and decided THAT was what I wanted to prioritize. They did not disappoint. I went to two premieres, the Welcome to the Ballroom premiere and The Ancient Magus' Bride premiere, for the first one we got to watch the first two episodes, and for the latter we saw the first THREE episodes. And they blew me away, especially Magus which by episode 3 already had me crying, I could not be more stoked for that to start airing. I then went to two panels which I HAD to go to, one being the FLCL panel, where we got to see the season 2 and (kind of) season 3 trailer a whole 5 minutes before they dropped that shit everywhere else (kind of lame) but what we got added on was “some” information in regards to the series, which made up for us not really getting to see the trailers before everyone else. And then I went to the Studio TRIGGER panel which was awesome! It started with them shooting fake money at us and if you got a special stamped version it got you access to their signing (didn’t get one but kind of didn’t care) and then followed into them playing a hilarious short video which was this bizarre mix of all kinds of shit and ended on them singing the national anthem?! It was funny as all hell. They pretty much spent the majority talking about Little Witch Academia which, I’ll admit, I kind of put on hold after like episode 5...BUT they spent that time giving us all kinds of back story and information on the various characters which was fascinating. Finally though, the main focus was them releasing information on their upcoming projects (which was why most of us were there) and the first two were kinda okay, nothing too much to get us excited, but boy, the hype they built around the last project got the room in a frenzy of excitement! Promare has the potential to be another classic anime for this studio, working with the people who helped bring Kill la Kill to life, as well as Gurren Lagann! You bet your asses I was stoked for this! 100% worth it. I also got free shit at all of these premieres, posters mainly, but I also got a cool Anime Strike pin when going to see Welcome to the Ballroom.

Another thing I ended up loving was actually doing shit in the exhibit hall. When I was sitting my butt in line for an autograph ticket to meet Miyu Irino I got to talking with my fellow line sitters, and one person I talked to gave me all kinds of tips and tricks to getting even more free stuff! She told me about 2 scavenger hunts going on for two of the booths, one got me a free Sailor Moon scarf, and one got me a free CD and a poster for a new game! They were a pain in the ass to get, but that’ll be talked about more in The Bad.

After having figured out you can just ask cosplayers for a picture I manged to get the coolest picture of a Guts and Casca pair and it’s the highlight of every image I took at the con. I wish I had taken more because there were a lot of cosplayers I wanted pictures of. I missed out on a Euphie and Suzaku and I’m still sad about it :’(

The last thing I’ll say I loved was the actual experience of trying to get Miyu Irino’s autograph. Not the actual getting his autograph, but sitting in line with other fans and con goers in the line to get tickets...to get an autograph...in which I met and talked with quite a few really cool and nice people! 

The Bad

The sheer size of this event is ridiculous. It’s so ridiculous in fact they split events between the Convention Center and the Marriott hotel behind the Staples Center. And whoever ran this event was a dumbass and decided that the doors open at 8 am, but none of the major halls open until 10, soooooo, you had a 2 hour gap where hundreds to thousands of people flooded the main floor creating the most hazardous sight I’ve ever seen. Seriously, this was a fire martial’s worst nightmare if you saw this mess. Luckily I only saw this disaster on day 4 ‘cause I had spent the whole damn night on the street. Otherwise I came later on day’s 2 and 3 because to me coming early was meaningless. 

And I did that because getting into the center on day 1 was absolute bullshit. I came a day early to pick up my badge thinking it would cut out waiting in line even longer. No, it didn’t matter. The mass of people outside waiting to get in, and the chaos of even trying to FIND the line TO GET IN, took hours! It was such a goddamn mess that they released a statement that same day saying they WOULD fix the issue. Luckily they did and getting in on day 2 and 3 literally took minutes. What a joke.

Staff for the most part was utterly clueless when it came to finding anything and I fucking hated it. When trying to find the line for Miyu’s panel I got run around the whole damn building, which in the end paled in fucking comparison to the run around I got put on trying to find the autograph booths which were different from the general ticket booths which in the end had ANYONE known fucking anything was a whole lot easier to find if they explained it better...

Lines for larger events were a NIGHTMARE. The Marriott is NOT designed for the sheer number of people lining up for the events held there. I thought it was bad for Magus, oh no, oh no no no, even the Lupin the III game premiere line was not remotely as horrible as what I caught just a glimpse of for the Tokyo Ghoul live-action premiere. That was capped off practically THREE hours before it even played, that’s how crazy popular this event was. I missed it because of that and ended up kind of disappointed. 

Crowding. Holy fuck was this bad. Not even splitting the con between two buildings reduces the sheer number of people in EVERY given space. The artist Alley, crowded, the Exhibit Hall, FUCKING MEGA CROWDED! Moving in the Exhibit Hall was the worst. Add on terrible cell service, add on the fact that the ATM’s were few and far between (and sometimes not fucking working), add on the fact that some sellers use onsite conversion so if your card doesn’t automatically accept you making a purchase in like, Canada, you’re gonna have a bad time...the crowding even makes the fun things not all that fun.

The Disappointing

Cosplay gatherings. Oh boy were these underwhelming. I think the only one I ended up kind of enjoying was the Osomatsu-san gathering I went to on day 1, but aside from that the bigger they got the more chaotic they got, the ruder people become, and just overall super frustrating. What was even more kind of a bummer was that for most of the gatherings I saw the cosplayers walking around the convention at various points and could have MUCH EASIER asked them for a picture rather than deal with the crowding of gatherings. Not to mention when smaller gatherings were made up of people who had gone before and knew each other, as a newcomer you definitely feel left out. It gave off that click vibe and that was really disheartening. Some of these gatherings were definitely not “newbie” friendly which made them even less interesting and makes me not want to go to them again.

Miyu Irino. I have gone back and forth on this one, but after this much time I realize between his panel and the actual autograph this was one of the more disappointing experiences I had. First off, his panel. It lasted one hour, if it was not already bad enough that they split the line where premiere fans got to be inside the building, the rest of us had to figure out where the fuck the OUTSIDE line was. This was a pain in the ass, really, I was run around the whole fucking building to find this line, and by the time I did I was fortunate the line wasn’t too long, but I knew the reason for that was ONLY because no one else could find this fucking line.

So after getting let in late, we sit and we’re told right away we can’t take pictures or video. And originally I thought that was fine, maybe we’d hear some new content they didn’t want getting out. No. No we spent an hour talking about old roles and getting information that I’m sure we could have gotten through any magazine or interview in probably ANY Japanese source. We learned literally nothing about any new work, there was honesty no reason why we shouldn’t have been able to take at least 1 or 2 pictures. It was also incredibly frustrating seeing someone in the row next to us break that rule anyway and got warned THREE times and STILL got to stay and see the panel. Like why make a rule of no pictures to the point where you threaten to remove anyone breaking that rule only to not enforce it? Pointless. 

But anyway, so we spend our hour listening to him talk about various roles, pretty much skipping the one series I was even there for (Osomatsu-san, he voices Todomatsu) and essentially we run out of time for the Q&A where only 3 questions were asked. And no one could even bother to answer one of Miyu’s questions on why Americans like Osomatsu-san, since the ONE person he did try and ask didn’t even watch the show! It was so disappointing.

So I was not all that disappointed at the time but reflecting on it, it was kind of a bust. But I did not realize just how much worse it could get. Because Miyu was one of the most popular guests for AX this year a LOT of people wanted to see him. So many in fact that while I heard lines could start for autographs anywhere from 2 am to 4 am, people got in these lines starting on day 2 (for his session on day 3) at 8 fucking pm. And it was the exact same way on day 3 (for his session on day 4) in which as soon as I go turned away from the Tokyo Ghoul premiere I had really nothing else I wanted to do so since I saw someone on twitter already experience night 2 I went ahead and got in line at like, fucking 7 pm! I was 5th in line...

So I stayed awake for over 30+ hours to get a ticket, which I wasn’t even all that crazy about, I’m not a fangirl so this wasn’t some life changing thing for me, I just wanted the experience. I enjoyed the hell out of the actual staying awake and getting to know people though. So at 8 am they opened the booths, and everyone with a handicap got to go before anyone so while I was 5th in line I got the 12th ticket (kind of bullshit but whatever, given how the rest of us literally had to sleep on the sidewalk seeing people just walk up last minute and get tickets was frustrating). But once we had those tickets it was another 2 and a half hours until the signing, which was in the Artist Alley hall, which didn’t even open until freakin’ 10 anyway. So again there was nothing to do but wait.

So finally 10 roles around and we can get inside, I have my ticket and I go to find the line for Miyu, and as I get in line and waiting we’re eventually told that he will not be signing anything that isn’t related to his anime work. 

Now, this is where I’ll deviate to tell you why this pissed me right the fuck off. Because I live in NV I had to leave unbelievably early to get to L.A. within a reasonable time to check into my hotel. There really wan’t much time earlier in my week to make a run to wal-mart or somewhere to get my pre-chosen images printed for his autograph. So, we had to run around parts of L.A. which is a shit hole for traffic because Californians CANNOT DRIVE (seriously, that’s not a joke, California drivers are THE biggest morons on the West coast) and getting anywhere was a headache. Then the actual process of getting these pictures printed was also a nightmare, because the printing station cropped the images so badly they ended up looking like shit, until finally, after about 40 minutes I got ONE (1) good image of him. It was a picture of HIM.

And he was only signing material that was anime related...yeah. So, now that the picture I had a nightmare printing was not an option, the only other one available to most was that they gave you a pre-signed poster from Akito the Exiled. Which was shitty, it was pre-signed so you wouldn’t even be able to get it autographed and talk to him even a bit! Why the fuck would anyone be happy about that when people stayed awake for HOURS specifically to get an autograph FROM HIM???? Luckily for me I invested time and money into making my Kara and Totty ita bag and had at least ONE official Todomatsu item which I ripped right out of my bag. I was ushered through the line by multiple people and spent a total of maybe 15 seconds in his presence. I said hello, he said hello, he signed my badge, I said thank you, he said thank you, and the experience was over. That was it. 

And as I was leaving the line I was then asked by others in the line what the hell was happening because other people were also being screwed over by not knowing what he would or would not sign (this was literally something they needed to tell us BEFORE actually getting in line for the autograph for fucks sake). I spent some time answering them and leaving. Where I proceeded to notice quite a few girls crying as they were the ones who were denied an autograph being ‘standby’ ticket holders. Miyu did NOT take ANY standby ticket holders on either day. So for anyone who sat up all night and managed to get their hands on one of the extra tickets, it did not matter. Which really, was kind of shitty seeing he really didn’t even do much while there. He had 2 panels, and two autograph sessions, one on each day. One of his panels wasn’t even a focus on him, he was included in the Akito the Exiled panel since he was a VA on it, but he was with others who worked on the show. And since our hour and a half Miyu exclusive panel was cut short to being only an hour since it started late!!! he spent even less time doing things he was signed up to do.

I decided that as a result unless it’s Tanaka-san or anyone else from One Piece I am never sitting in line for an autograph again.

Lastly, I learned that while it’s fun to meet up with people to hang out and try and do things together, you cannot let them try and control your experience. I missed absolutely everything I wanted to do on day 1 because I allowed myself to be guided around by another person. Which initially I was grateful for, as a first-timer I had no clue where things were, but that’s where my day 1 was fucked. There were things and ways to go about this that I planned that didn’t work out, and as a result I missed things I wanted to do. And I told myself at the time it wasn’t a big deal, but since I ended up so goddamn exhausted on day 4 I left early and missed even more stuff I wanted to do...so essentially of my 4 days I only truly enjoyed 2 of them to the fullest. Because on days 2 and 3 I put my foot down and decided no matter what I would do the things I fucking came to do regardless of anyone else and I ended up having a blast. It wasn’t even lonely doing those things by myself, because I had fun! And that’s what mattered.

So yeah, in the end I learned some valuable lessons for my first con, especially at one as big as Anime Expo! I know what I want to do next year, I now know what I don’t really care about, and I know what I absolutely will not be doing again. I hope from these lessons next year I can have even more fun and thoroughly enjoy my 4 days! Also there’s probably some stuff I missed in this post so not sure if I’ll do another part, most likely not since this got hella fucking long...

[cosplaytutorial]

Hi Fabrickind, I have a question: How do you stay motivated throughout the making of a costume? My interests tend to cycle rapidly, and while I start every project with excitement, I often find myself less and less interested as I advance. How can I keep myself interested until the costume is complete?

Hello there!

This can be a tough one. I usually either do things too impulsively or put things off for a long time. Having the motivation to do steady work can sometimes be hard to muster.

Thankfully, I tend to be a fairly determined person, so feeling the need to complete something on a deadline really helps for me. I also tend to fall in love with series pretty hardcore, so that helps just on a personal level, but I also totally understand the immediate hype and then falling out of love issue (I tend to be at either extreme).

One thing that can help is sitting on the project for a bit. Instead of rushing out to buy all the materials and starting immediately, wait a month or so. If you’re still just as excited as you were before, then go for it. If you have lost that excitement or feel like you “should” do it but don’t really “want” to do it, then don’t, because you’ll probably run out of steam halfway. 

It can also help to set smaller goals along the way. Get the dress sewn this week, get the applique done in two weeks, style the wig the week after, etc. This can help you see the progress you’re making and keep you motivated -- if it feels like you aren’t getting anywhere, it can be hard to want to keep going, so being able to see steady progress can really help keep you excited.

If you need to do easier projects that you can make quicker before you run out of motivation, do so. It might feel good to mix a few of those in just to get something done. also, if you need to take a break for a while, do so.

Costume choice can also have a big impact here. I feel like personally, I get burned out more easily on projects from longtime favorite series, since I figures I can do them at any time and then eventually just never do (it took me years to do angela from SD3, for example), though doing new popular things might burn some people out, since the hype may wear off quicker, and you may end up not loving it after that dies down a little, so you may have better luck doing something from a childhood favorite series, for example.

You may also have better or worse luck with doing one costume at a time, or doing multiple costumes at once. Multiple costumes can keep things fresh, but you’re also dividing your attention. One costume at a time allows you to entirely focus on that one costume, but you may also use up all your motivation early on if it’s just one thing.

You can also put the costume aside for a while and then pick it back up later. It may help to keep yourself excited about the source material (rewatching/reading, listening to the soundtracks, looking at fanart or other people’s cosplays, etc.). However, if you tend to get sick of things easily, this may be counterproductive, since you may wear out the source material and never want to touch it again!

One thing that I would never advise is to start a costume right before the con so that you don’t run out of motivation partway through, but so that you are rushing to complete it. Don’t do that. You’ll just burn yourself out faster.

I hope that helps! 

—Fabrickind / Q&A Staff

[puddygeeks]

I’ve enjoyed trying a few products this month so I’m actually excited to do this post! I haven’t had much of a chance to get to the cinema so I haven’t got so many new movies to discuss, but I have watched more TV.

Beauty

L’Oreal Paris, Miss Baby Roll

I finally ran out of my Miss Manga mascara, and as previously promised decided it was time for a change. I wanted to stay within this range and see if I preferred any of the other styles. I read the description for a couple, and decided on the Miss Baby Roll as I have very short eyelashes. I could just use an eyelash curler, but they terrify me and I hate them. I liked the promise of curling my eyelashes up a bit more, as most of the time you can’t even see my lashes, and I liked the look of the applicator shape. Thus far I am loving it even more than my last! It does come out a little more clumpy than I’d like, but it otherwise applies wonderfully, the applicator really does help with lash curl and pushes them up nicely. It stays so well that it is actually quite difficult to get off properly at the end of the day, and it lives up to the waterproof promise wonderfully.

L’Oreal Paris Superstar Liquid Eyeliner Pen

I got this as a freebie as Boots were doing a 3 for 2 on L’Oreal products and I also need to replace my powder foundation as I’d been scraping the bottom of the pan for a while. I would otherwise probably have purchased the Kiko eyeliner again as I’ve been using them for a while. I’ve put this on my favourites as I am generally enjoying the product, the applicator size is awesome, especially for a cat eye. It reminds me of the limited edition Kiko pen that I can’t get any more, so that really make me happy. My only issue with this product is that it could not be any less waterproof if it tried. I often wipe off the wing of my eyeliner during the day, and if god forbid you cry in it, it goes everywhere. Not a fan of that, but generally it’s pretty good. I would possibly look at buying this again if they have a waterproof version.

L’Oreal Infallible Powder

I’m cheating a little by having this in here as I’ve definitely had it in previous favourite posts. I just wanted to chuck this in here to say that I loved this so much that I have repurchased it again, and it’s still one of my favourite things in my makeup bag. It rivals Mac powder but at a much more reasonable price.

Imperial Leather Marshmallow

If anyone remembers this limited edition set from Imperial Leather of sweet based scents in shower gels, these were my absolute addiction for a while. I’m gutted that I can’t get all of them any more, but I’m relieved that Marshmallow is still around. I’ve stopped buying the shower gel for now, as I feel it’s important to change your scents to keep them fresh, but I can admit I’ve got a little travel bottle filled with it for emergencies, in case they scrap the last one! I have this month discovered though that they now have the Marshmallow scent in a bubble bath and honestly it’s life changing. It is the best thing I have ever put in my bath and it smells like heaven. Give it a go!

Nivea Hydro Care Lip Balm

This may seem like a really random and dull thing to have in my favourites, but I don’t care. I have constantly got cracked lips, and I keep having problems with the corners cracking and splitting. Gross I know but it’s so painful and horrid. I have tried so many lip balms, and although in most thing I love a good scent, I’ve realised I really do not enjoy that on a lip balm. It’s also a massive hassle to find a good one that is scented or tinted or some other unnecessary rubbish. I’ve been using this for a while, and it’s a god send. It’s just a good simple product that does the job. 

Food

Mini Eggs

I know this makes me sound like a total pig but I am completely obsessed with these. It’s not overly surprising for anyone who knows me as I get re-obsessed with these every year as soon as the Easter supplies come into stores. The problem is that this happens a little earlier every year and so I have to try to resist for as long as possible. For me, as soon as I get that first taste of mini eggs it’s like a beast awakens inside me that can only be satiated by mini eggs. It’s no exaggeration to say that they become my primary food source. Definitely not good for the diet!

Yorkshire Tea: Bedtime Brew

It’s a bit ridiculous that I’ve had a different type of Yorkshire Tea bag in every favourites but I’m actually on the last one now. I do not usually like flavoured tea, I can’t stand any type of herbal tea bag and that’s definitely an issue as I have crap skin and trouble sleeping, so I could really do with getting some green tea and chamomile into my routine. As a compromise, I tried the breakfast brew, and although it has got a little bit of flavour, it’s actually not bad. I still prefer a plain standard brew, but having one of these before bed even a couple of nights a week has definitely helped to chill me out for bed. If you want to know a bit more about it, this is what it says online: Warm, satisfying taste of Yorkshire Tea, gently decaffeinated and blended with lemon balm and nutmeg, for a seriously snuggly hot drink. If you ask me, it smells like hot cross buns and honestly that’s my favourite thing about it.

Movies and TV

Captain Marvel

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t overly bothered about going to see this. I mostly only went because it’s the last Marvel movie before End Game so it was clearly going to be relevant, and because I was super determined to support a movie led by a female superhero. I was more than a little pleasantly surprised by this film. I absolutely loved it! It was incredible, it was funny, it showed an awesome female relationship (although I admit I feel like they copped out on adding a gay relationship there where it felt natural and not forced, but that’s a conversation for another day). I also didn’t realise how awesome it would feel to see a powerful, badass woman leading a Marvel film. We definitely need more of this.

Shadow Hunters

Honestly, this is definitely not the best thing on TV. The writing is quite predictable, unfortunately the lead actress is one of the worst actors I have ever seen in anything and the constant will they/won’t they between Jace & Clary has way too much screen time for something literally no one cares about. Having said all of that, it’s a fun show to watch, it has some pretty unique ideas and now they’ve increased the budget it’s looking a lot better. Reasons to watch this show? Magnus and Alec. Simple as that. I would watch a show entirely focused on their relationship tbh. 

The Disappearance of Madeline McCann

There’s a lot of hype about this at the moment, but I think that’s honestly because there’s always a lot of hype around little Maddie. I did watch all of this, and I wouldn’t say it was amazing, but it was certainly interesting. It presented a lot of theories and that was the best part for me. Everything else was a bit mediocre. 

Queer Eye

Praise the lord Queer Eye is back! It’s been a very long wait for me for some more of this and I am so glad that season three is finally here. I love these guys so much, but most of all I just want Tan and Antony to come and live with me. This is my favourite thing to watch when I just want to chill out with a cuppa in my pjs, or to have on in the background whilst I’m working on cosplay. Absolutely cannot get enough. 

Music

I have been enjoying using Spotify much more this month, so I’ve actually been listening to things outside of my regular ipod lists for once, crazy I know! As per usual I’ve got a real mix of genres and artists, but then if you’re coming here for music recommendations you know that already. This is what I’ve been listening to most:

Can’t Help Falling In Love – Haley Reinhart

Just You And I – Tom Walker

Someone You Loved – Lewis Capaldi

You’re The Voice – The Kingdom Choir

Sunflower (Remix) – Shaun Reynolds & Esmee Denters

Why Her Not Me – Grace Carter

Back Again – You Me At Six

 And that’s it for March! What are you March Favourites?

Peace

Kit xx

March Favourites! I've enjoyed trying a few products this month so I'm actually excited to do this post! I haven't had much of a chance to get to the cinema so I haven't got so many new movies to discuss, but I have watched more TV.

[roomno382]

I’ve been thinking about this post for a while now and it’s pride month so it seems appropriate.  I have a lot of thoughts on Amren in the ACOTAR series.  There have been far too many posts about representation in SJM books and arguments on how it was done and I really do not want to start another flame war.  I just want to share a little bit of my point of view.  Personally I think the reason it’s so criticized when other books aren’t is because we are all so heavily invested in that series and attached to all of those characters.  I know I personally identify far too much with Amren.

Putting the rest of this under a read more because I rambled way more than intended.

Let’s start this off with some backstory on me.  I am aromantic.  For those that don’t know, that means I don’t have or desire romantic feelings or relationships but I do still feel sexual attraction.  It is the less known side of the asexual coin.  It feels odd to think of myself as someone who should be included in pride month, as I identify as a straight cis woman but there is a + in LGBTQ+ for a reason.  Aromanticism, like asexualism is something that is severely underrepresented.  There are a handful of asexuals in media, most of which still end up in sexual relationships, and I can think of and zero aromantics I’m sure someone out there will correct me.  What this leads to is one of the few times I did feel represented.

Now I know I am much more represented than some are as I am a Caucasian woman.  I’m not hurting much in that department, although Wonder Woman was still a much needed change of pace.  But I love YA books and almost every one of them has some sort of romance or love interest.  Don’t get me wrong I still enjoy watching the characters dance around their feelings when it’s done right and sexual tension is one of my favorite things in media.  It’s just when it gets to the over the top ‘who loves who more’ that kills it for me Jace and Clary I’m looking at you.  

This is what brings me to Amren.  I absolutely love Amren.  I identify with her on such a deep level.  She is one of my favorite characters.  I have even cosplayed her.  When she admits she doesn’t understand love and it’s not an emotion her people had I felt that attachment even harder.  It was really one of the only times I had ever seen my sexual identity truly represented.

The struggle I have is that because I identify with her so much it seem everyone also assumes I love her relationship with Varian.  I am not outright against that relationship and did truly enjoy Amren toying with him in ACOMAF, it’s just when things got more serious between them that I fell off.  There’s more still to the series so who knows where it will go from here but as of right now this is how I feel.  I know that Sarah J Maas is an extremely romantic person and the stories are being told through the lens of Feyre, who shares that sentiment so things are going to be skewed that direction but I’m still not a fan of how that relationship has gone.

Them getting together more seriously feels a bit like Amren had to be taught how to love.  In the grand scheme of things they still have the least romantic relationship of the group but that is mostly due to it taking place off page.  I understand that part of her growth in that series is her becoming more human fae.  She has had to learn how to exist in a form that is not her own and how to fit into the group dynamic, most of which happens before the start, but I’m a bit sad a relationship and love had to be one of those things.  She easily could have stayed true to her character and never had an actual relationship.  I don’t know I would have liked it more but it would stay closer to how I saw the character going.

Most of this, and a lot of the other representation arguments about this series, is due to me projecting too much onto the character.  I see myself in Amren and as such labeled her like I would myself.  When she didn’t stick to that label it hurt and felt as if my representation was taken away.  At no point did she say she identified this way and that she wasn’t interested in love but the snippets we did get of her on a more personal level made me see myself in her.

I’ve gotten to this point in this post and realize I have no idea where I meant for this to go.  I understand that a lot of the issue is due to lack of representation.  How am I to expect someone to represent me properly when I didn’t even know there was a label for it until recent years?  There are still people in my extended family that assume I don’t date because I’m secretly a lesbian and am too afraid to tell anyone (actual thing I’ve been told).  Most “”normal”” people assume you need to be in a happy relationship to be happy and that is just not for me trust me I tried.

Idk where I’m going with this anymore so I’m going to end it here.  I pretty much just wanted to put it down somewhere in words.  This is no way lessened my love of the series or Amren as a character.  It is still one of the few book series I have gone back to time and time again to reread/relisten to.  I’ve just had these thoughts floating around since ACOFAS came out wanted to write them out.  Side note I will go down with the Nessian ship and am all sorts of hyped for that book.

TL;DR:  I identify too much with Amren and now that she’s in a relationship idk how to feel.

[darkarm66]

E3 Changes

They finally did it. The Expo people finally broke down and did what I thought they would do but wouldn’t do so because the formula was working: E3 is going public. For three whole days, the Los Angeles Convention Center can be packed to holy hell with journalists, developers, publishers, salespeople, marketers, retailers and more fans! 

For years, E3 has had problems making the very act of attending a chore. And moving around it was worse. So basically what should be a show filled with the industry checking each other’s wares and games that should be setting trends, its basically a collection of expensive displays, swag grabs, and ignored demos after you get out the extremely packed Nintendo booths. Now if you’re a publisher that’s not Nintendo, you’d be pissed to high heaven knowing you spent millions on swag, colorful booths, engaging demos and lose any buzz to Nintendo’s next game.

Let’s actually discuss the whole costs of E3 because that’s a lot of money to just let go for space alone. Sadly, for all the money the industry makes, there’s never been a surefire way to print money, unless one gets one huge franchise and use it print money. So there’s very real risk for many non platform owning publishers to spend at E3. With Nintendo, even if your game is on a Nintendo machine, they still have to compete against Zelda or Smash Bros. Sony and Microsoft will give the third parties space and time to stand out, but when a lot of those games look so similar, there’s more competition and even less buzz. Now we have third parties who either have to run their own booth and ensure their titles can generate its own hype and stand out in the crowd or just be another title on a console. And that’s not even mentioning the cost it takes to get a demo running, playtested, bugfixed, and stable enough to make sure people who have to convince customers to maybe buy it ready. Now add in some machines to purchases to run the demo, sky high electricity bills, actual people that have to maintain the booths, well....I can see why publishers wanted that money back. 

There’s truly no financial incentive for publishers to go all out for E3 and have a presence on the show floor. So when publishers decided to skip their own expo, that’s a whole lot of money lost for the ESA and Convention Center. So selling a 150-250 ticket to ensure some kind of revenue be generated for the industry isn’t shocking. 

I’ve been going to these things for ever a decade and leading up to it, I always debate if going is ever worth the anguish but mainly because it was always worth the money: FREE! Having it free for people within the industry allowed people to see former coworkers, friends you made on the project you knew were shit, and the PR people you kissed up to for party access. So while I’m gonna miss E3 this year, the reason why I hate to open to all concept is that:

IT DOESN’T FIX ANY OF THE ISSUES E3 HAS!

Those lines are ungodly but only because they have the shittiest hours to cram everyone in. Even if the Nintendo booth is the very first thing you do, 4-5 hours are gone and other lines can take up to 1-2 hours to sit through. It’s very possible to lose an entire day to just two game. And most of that is due to press members having to do their job and they never have their own day to play all the demos, which should be that Monday before they open the doors. Tokyo Game Show has this figured out. Two days for press, two days for fans. 

Even the fabled 4th day wouldn’t save E3 because now you got cranky as fuck booth attendants who are probably sick of all these creeps wanting pictures while you hold a DS. And it gets worse.

All the restrictions they put into getting a pass is pointless, considering you can see fucking kids walking around after  you got hassled for your proof of adulthood. And you swear a lot of the people around lied on their applications on what they do to get in. This is treated like Magic Mountain, like people made it to a holy grail of excitement!

And the press has been routinely pushed away with publishers doing their own live pressers and events away from the Convention Center. Why relay on a blog when a video kept under wraps can get the preorders?

And all to compete with PAX? E3 was never PAX, it wasn’t even Comic-Con! It was never a convention, it was an expo by the industry, for the industry. It wasn’t trying to get fan approval before they did something, it was a way for game makers and business people to connect to figure how much of the shit on the floor would sell. It was a way for people to network and stay in touch, just in case a project doesn’t work out or a studio has an opening. That’s getting tossed in favor of cosplay meetups.

So good job, ESA: you kinda pushed away the people who build the games in favor of the people who buy the games. Maybe. Probably. This may be the best E3 ever but I won’t be finding out.