#the idea of that trust ever being betrayed by anyone or anything or her being abandoned and not loved is extremely upsetting to me

[hexjulia]

the cat in Flow made me emotional because it was so clearly an extremely adored animal that had been quite suddenly abandoned and instead of being silent it kept making the meowing sounds it was accustomed to make to communicate with whoever sculpted all those images of it. the person whose desk it was sleeping on next to an unfinished sculpture of itself. It's not a feral cat in a long-abandoned world because if it was it wouldn't make those sounds; feral cats don't do that. it keeps communicating distress and annoyance at no one in particular because it's used to there being someone around who cares about its comfort. hanging on the side of a boat meowing sadly because it's used to being picked up.

[jellieland]

Pearl is pretty sure she was just as much a traitor as Bigb was, today.

The only difference is that she wasn't found out.

Which is to say, the only difference is she had the good sense not to do it within earshot of Cleo, of all people. Honestly, what was he expecting?

She doesn't know, and she's not sure she ever will. Bigb's always been hard to read.

Maybe that's the point? Thinking about it, there is something enticing about the idea.

If people misinterpret you, accuse you, look at you like they don't know who you are. Wouldn't it be so much easier to deal with, if they were right? If you could focus on rebuttals, denials, honeyed words, without also having to nurse the tearing at your heart.

Or maybe that's not how Bigb thinks.

Maybe that's just her.

Not that that was why she did it this time, of course! It just seemed like it would be funny! She was just being a little silly!

Anyway, it's not like it even came to anything, in the end. Scott arrived and immediately heard Mumbo and Skizz and nothing even happened! He didn't even seem to be suspicious of her by the end of the interaction! They totally managed to throw him off the scent!

...Credit where it's due, that was some of the least unconvincing lying she's ever heard from Mumbo, which she does appreciate. She's still kind of surprised Scott bought it, though.

Anyway, nobody in her team knows what she said she would do, and it didn't actually get anyone hurt, so it's basically like it didn't happen. Why would she do anything to her team? They've been nothing but kind to her!

Nothing but kind to her, for as long as she remembers.

Yeah.

Bigb, though? Clearly untrustworthy, that one. Disloyal! A traitor!

She watches him back away, hiding behind a shield, and she lets her arrows fly. And oh, it's so satisfying. This time, she gets to be the one with the moral high ground, looking down, driving out, pushing away!

There's something powerful about it. It feels good. She likes it.

She's in a good position, in this team. She trusts everyone here. Of course she does.

Why wouldn't she?

...

Anyway, all she wants to do is have fun!

...Well, that's not totally true.

All she wants to do is keep Impulse safe.

That was her one condition for them, when she agreed to help them kill her teammates.

Whatever happens, she doesn't want Impulse to die.

The others... well. They're the others! What reason would she have, to wish them harm? And hey, even if she did, she knows full well the consequences of betraying them in a way they'll find out about. Of course she does!

She saw what happened to Bigb, after all.

It's not a total surprise, really. With the bad blood between him and Cleo, maybe it was just inevitable.

Maybe none of them can change who they are, in the end.

Maybe all they can do is get better at hiding it, until it all burns down like it always does.

[ooooo-mcyt]

Do you guys ever think about how much the first season someone was in seems to impact them going forward?

Last Life is a season where teams were shaky, uncertain. Both because of the rule that red names were forced to leave their teams and the introduction of the boogeyman curse. This gave a unique sense of isolated individualism to the season. In Last Life, more than any other season, you couldn't rely on anyone except yourself. This season is also the one where we saw the introduction of Pearl, Lizzie, and Mumbo.

Pearl, I'd say, is the one who was least impacted by this. Her team was very stable throughout Last Life. They exchanged lives and stuck close together. Scott was only red for about half a session before Pearl was, so she never really felt the team instability aspect like the others did. This, unfortunately, set Pearl up to fall harder in the Double Life, given she was unused to the isolation that Last Life theoretically could have prepared her for.

You see the effects more clearly in Mumbo and Lizzie.

Lizzie's team was torn apart in Last Life. First one of her teammates betrayed the other due to the Boogeyman curse, leading to everything Lizzie had burning, and then Lizzie lost the rest of her team anyways when she turned red. So, in Secret Life she isolates a lot, and she struggles, with trusting people, with being part of a team, with seeing anything as permanent.

Mumbo is very similar. The Southlands were a mess, cracking and reforming and falling apart all over again throughout Last Life. Mumbo was surrounded by people, and yet friend turned into foe so easily with the boogeyman curse or a teammate turning red (and then they could come back and do it all again). Is it any wonder, then, that he's paranoid now? That he often feels like the ground is going to fall out beneath him at any moment?

Then we have Secret Life, the season that really introduced Gem. I'd argue that Secret Life was a season of uncertainty and luck. Skill and tactic mattered, of course, but one bad task or unfortunate bit of damage could leave even the best players unable to do anything to save themselves. In this season, you couldn't just use your skill to recover from a stroke of bad luck.

Gem knows this better than anyone. I've said it before, but I think the fight with Grian was the downfall of Gem and The Scott's. Gem was taken off guard once and she was never able to recover from it. This made worse by the fact that it ended with a 2v1- not a fair fight, but two people teaming up to kill her as quickly as they could. Going into Wild Life, Gem very naturally grew to resent and reject a lot of what the previous season was for her. She derides the idea of sacrificing yourself, she loathes the idea of an unfair fight, she insists on being in control, on letting luck dictate as little as possible.

It's just fascinating to me how people tend to engage with and react to the unique mechanics of the season they started with going forward.

[greencheekconure27]

One thing I've seen a lot in Wicked fics is Boq being angry at Fiyero for "betraying" Glinda. But I've got another, even darker idea:

So.

a)We know from the deleted scene that Boq is aware of Elphaba's feelings for Fiyero. He's possibly also aware of Fiyero's feelings for Elphaba.

b)he also doesn't know that Fiyero has been using his captain of the guard position to look for Elphaba, and therefore has every reason to assume Fiyero agrees she's wicked.

c) the events surrounding Fiyero's sudden treason and death have very likely been covered up.He's Glinda's fiancée and a beloved public figure in his own right. Accusing Elphaba of enchanting and then murdering him would be a very convenient way to explain the situation.

d) Boq has come straight from an abusive relationship where Nessarose first held him captive and then tried to cast a love spell on him, and seems significantly traumatised by it.

Therefore from Boq's perspective it looked like: Elphaba wanted Fiyero, Fiyero genuinely liked or even loved Elphaba, and then the whole Emerald City mess occurs and something happens that changed Fiyero's opinion on Elphaba so much that he's suddenly dedicating his whole life to finding and eliminating her. And Glinda seems to suddenly hate her too. Bow trusts Glinda and Fiyero, and it's unlikely they've ever had the chance to explain what's really going on to him. So clearly Elphaba was secretly evil all along. He's been wrong about these things before cough Nessarose cough.

And then all of sudden Fiyero completely switches sides.No explanation no anything. He even pointed a gun at Glinda they say!Clearly he wasn't in his right mind.Clearly Elphaba must've done the same as Nessarose tried to do to him and cast some love spell on Fiyero. After which she either murdered him outright or caused him get himself killed somehow.

So Boq isn't mad at Fiyero in this, not really.

He is however extremely furious at Elphaba because not only did she turn him into tin (whether he remembers/believes "to save his life" part is anyone's guess). She also abused and killed his friend Fiyero and broke his beloved Glinda's heart. Or so he believes.

[moghedien]

Honestly obsessed right now with the way all the BG3 romancable girlies are the most affection starved creatures on the planet

Shadowheart is just existing in a constant state of being manipulated and abused by Shar and Viconia on behalf of Shar. She has like exactly one friend who she can’t even remember when we meet her because even that has to be taken from her on Shar’s demands. She’s probably had lovers but she can’t remember them and Shar wouldn’t allow anything serious anyway. The two people would show her affection are her parents who she’s not even allowed to remember are her parents from one interaction to another and who she’s made to torture, again for Shar. And the way she talks about Shar, it’s clear that Shadowheart wants some kind of positive attention, but the only attention she gets is a shock collar that punishes her when she’s not being what Shar wants her to be.

Lae’zel is made to see affection as a sign of weakness. She can’t comprehend even treating kids in a way that can even be slightly considered coddling. She sees it as damaging to them, raising them to be weak, because she was raised to cull or be culled when it comes to her peers. If you romance her, she’s initially deeply uncomfortable with the idea of even just cuddling after sex. And even sex is a power struggle, even when she thinks it can’t be anything more than casual. She can’t be weak even while she’s fucking bottoming. You have to be nearly into act 3 before she’ll even admit that she wants you to touch her gently and she says asking for it is one of the most frightening things she’s ever done. The girl doesn’t even know what the word love means until the epilogue, if you romance her.

Minthara has spent her entire life looking over her shoulder for people waiting to kill her in some power struggle. The relationships she mentions to you either ended with death or at least had assassination attempts at some point. She seems close to her mother for a drow noble but still sees that as a relationship that has to end eventually in murder. And even though she has had her mind taken from her, she seems much more eager to pry into your mind than anyone else and when she does it’s because she’s looking for information on herself. How you see her. She wants to see everything laid out and to trust each other completely. Having access to each others’ minds is probably somewhat of a relief to her, because this way she can know exactly how you feel and exactly if and when you’re going to betray her. If you don’t intend to, then that would be the first time in her life she could ever not be constantly on edge around someone.

And Karlach. It’s sad because she’s absolutely the one that would be most willing to trust and open to affection. But she literally is not physically able to receive it. She was forced to fight in the blood war for a decade unable to trust anyone and not having a single friend. The closest thing she had was still a devil who enjoyed hurting her in petty little ways, who would still sell her out to Zariel. And when she’s escaped from the Hells, she still can’t physically touch anyone without killing or at least severally hurting them. She is clearly the most openly eager for physical affection, even the most platonic and casual touch, but she can’t get that. She will literally physically hurt anyone who gets too close to her not matter how hard she tries not to, because of how other people hurt her.

[virtualvault]

No One Compares

Pairing: Steven Grant x F!reader

Summary: You're going to a party where Steven knows someone who has a crush on you will also be attending. Before you go, he wants to remind you what you have waiting for you at home.

Warnings: SMUT, NSFW, 18+ ONLY, oral(f) receiving, possessive thoughts/ behavior, fingering, praise, biting (Let me know if I missed anything :))

Word Count: 1.6 k

A/N: This popped into my head the other night and I needed to purge it from my system. Still getting a feel for this whole writing thing and feedback is more than welcome!!

Steven paces back and forth in front of the bathroom door, planning his next move carefully. You’re about to go out for your friend’s birthday dinner and he normally has no problem with you going out, except that he knows he’ll miss you and be a needy mess until you get back. But tonight, you’re going to your best friend Tasha's birthday dinner. He loves all your friends but there is one person he does not want you around. Tasha's brother, Jackson.

You've been friends with Tasha since you were little, and she's like a sister to you. Her brother Jackson had a small crush on you growing up and it seems his feelings have continued into adulthood. You never minded his advances, considering he never made any moves beyond harmless flirting, but what did bother you was that he didn’t back off even when you informed him you were in a relationship. He’s tame when it’s just you but when Steven is there, he turns his antics up to one hundred. It can be annoying, but you don't want to run and tattle on him to Tasha about her brother's little crush. You don't want to cause any problems, and since he never actually attempts to make a move on you, you've decided to just suck it up and deal with it, not wanting to create a big fuss.

As he stands in the hallway, Steven's mind floods with the memories of all the times Jackson has tried to make a pass at you right in front of him and he decides he needs to take action. With a huff, Steven storms into the bathroom and wraps his arm around your waist. You had just set everything out to start getting ready, and you greet him with a kiss on the cheek.

You think he will leave you be when he notices you are about to start doing your makeup, but instead he brings his hands up to your chest, grabbing both breasts and he pulls you flush against his chest. He starts kissing up and down your neck and you try to wriggle out of his grasp, knowing if you put this off any longer you are going to be late.

"Steven, what's gotten into you?" you ask, although you already know. He always gets like this when you have somewhere to go, trying to get you to stay home and hop into bed with him instead. You think he's just being needy as usual, but you have no idea this has anything to do with Jackson. Yes, you know it makes him uncomfortable when he's around, but the first time he saw how Jackson acted around you, you explained how it would cause more problems to address and was best to just try to ignore it. He accepted, understanding how you didn’t want to jeopardize your relationship with Tasha.

Your boyfriend knows you would never do anything with Jackson. You're loyal and loving and he trusts you more than anyone on Earth, and he knows you would never betray him. He also knows that you didn't actually like Jackson, but sometimes you would play along, flirting back with him a bit to try and keep things from being awkward. Steven knows it’s all fake, but even seeing you feign interest in that guy made him want to lay you down and fuck you so good you forget that any other man even exists.

He decides here and now that he needs to make sure you remember what you have waiting at home for you. He needs to be quick, though, because he doesn't want to send you to the party all hot and bothered. He knows you only ever entertain Jackson to keep the peace, but he can't help the possessive voice in the back of his head telling him he needs to show you that your boyfriend can make you feel better than anyone ever could.

"Steven I'm serious, I can't be late." He ignores you, already sliding your tight dress over your thighs and settling it on your waist. He falls to his knees, planting kisses and soft bites across your ass. He crawls under you to now face your panty covered center. You try to push him away, but he swats your hand and takes off your underwear. Loving the sight of him on his knees for you, you decide you are going to let him continue. On one condition.

"You have to be done by the time I finish my make up. Don't want to send me to dinner all worked up, do you?" you tease. Hell no. He can't let Jackson see you like that. Maybe it would leave you tempted to flirt back, just to blow off some steam. He pulls your leg over his shoulder and shoves his face between your legs.

He wastes no time teasing you, no licking up your folds, no soft kisses to your thighs. He zeros in on your clit, sucking and lapping at it like a madman. You try to steady yourself, picking up your makeup and starting to slowly apply it, keeping your hands as still as possible to avoid making a mess. You struggle to keep your eyes open as they threaten to roll back into your head, the pleasure starting to distract you from the task at hand. You start to grind your hips into his mouth and use one hand to grip the counter. You're surprised you don't fall over, but his strong grip on your thigh and ass keeps you upright. He circles your clit, and flicks his tongue back and forth, just how he knows you like it.

"Fuck Steven, you're so good at that. So fucking good." you say in that low, breathy voice that never fails to turn him on. Spurred on by your praise, his movements become more frantic, and you squeal and start panting above him.

You feel that you're right on the edge, but you pull him away, earning a frustrated grunt from him as he can tell you’re close too. You explain you have to do your eyeliner and really don’t want to blind yourself. While you do that, he starts nipping at your thighs impatiently. He had you right there, you were so close and now he’d have to build it back up. Usually, he’d go crazy about the idea of edging you, but time is of the essence.

You finish and he’s back on you in an instant. Your breathing quickly becomes ragged and you take a moment to look yourself over in the mirror. Your makeup doesn’t look terrible, just a little rushed. All that’s left is your lipstick. You take a minute to examine your lips in your reflection and you see how swollen and full they are from how you’ve been biting them. It should make the color you chose really pop. You silently thank Steven for this by reaching down to run your fingers through his curls. He gives you an appreciative whine and starts sucking harder at your sensitive bud.

You take a few deep breaths and steady your hand as best as you can as you place the applicator onto your lips. Of course, you feel that familiar tightness in your stomach and you know you're about to cum. He hears your desperate moans, and he can tell too. He slips two fingers into you and starts rubbing against that tender spot he knows drives you crazy and you cry out as you clamp down onto his fingers. The surprise intrusion causes your hand to slip and your wrist swipes across your lips, smearing the lipstick onto the corner of your mouth and your chin. You groan in frustration as the waves of pleasure rip through you and you clench down onto his fingers.

Knowing he accomplished his goal, Steven slows his movements and pulls his fingers from your dripping entrance. He wears a proud look on his face and moves his gaze to your arousal that coats his hand. He licks it off eagerly, making sure to clean up your mess. The previous frenzied nature of his touch quickly turns tender as he drags his hands up and down your sides and along your ass and thighs. He cleans you up a bit with his tongue but decides to forgo the washcloth he usually uses. He wants to send you to the party with a reminder of how he made you feel tonight.

He stands, sliding your underwear back on. You’re still gripping the counter and trying to regain composure as he takes his place back behind you and nuzzles into your neck. He chuckles as he catches a glimpse of you in the mirror. You’re clearly a wreck, but he has to admit you did a fairly good job despite the circumstances. Then, as if some switched has flipped in his brain, he latches onto your neck, making you gasp, and you feel his teeth sink into you. After a minute or so of him sucking at your skin, you feel his tongue run across it, soothing the indents he had left. He smiles, satisfied to have effectively marked his territory, and he starts applying gentle kisses instead. He hopes you don't try to cover it up. He desperately wants Jackson to catch a glimpse. Steven grins at the thought.

"You made me smudge my makeup." you whine. Since you'll have to fix it anyway, you turn your head, pulling his lips to yours. You pull back, and admire the fresh lipstick smeared across his mouth. You're tempted to drag him into the bedroom and mark up his dick with it, but you have to go. You sigh, " But I think I can forgive you. I'll reward you for being such a good boy when I get back, ok?"

[isa-ghost]

Can we please keep in mind that given what we know, there's a strong chance plenty of Wilbur's friends were blindsided by this, and could very well be grieving that someone so close to them turned out to be this horrific?

Given we KNOW Wilbur meticulously kept up a facade socially and publicly, there's a strong chance they had little to no idea he was that way unless they personally witnessed the behaviors. That's horrifying.

I personally know what it's like to have someone you talked to and hung out with near-daily for YEARS to turn out to be a disgusting, lying, fake and awful person. You feel betrayed, sick, angry, confused, devastated. You need time to emotionally process that. ESPECIALLY before doing something like making a public statement about "your stance" on the matter. Some of the people we know felt like family to Wilbur, genuinely, even despite all the jokes that got old so fast within the community. And they could've gone the whole time not knowing all this.

That's not something you get over instantly. That's not something you can think clearly through right away. Anyone demanding a nuanced and well-thought out statement rejecting and condemning Wilbur ASAP for their own satisfaction are stupid as hell. You don't care about the situation, you're fishing for internet points by being ready to pull the trigger on anyone who doesn't say something the moment you expect them to. You care more about Looking like you have humanity by attacking abusers and abuse apologists, instead of Actually having humanity in realizing this has a real impact on real people with real emotions.

They're fucking grieving. And we've seen from plenty of them who thought of him as a friend that Have said something already that they are also ANGRY.

Those who have yet to speak up are likely still processing their emotions. Or processing what they want to say. Or perhaps are even personally affected by the situation as victims of abuse themselves, and therefore NEED to step back before they say anything, if they say anything at all.

They could also be saying something where we can't see. They don't owe the public shit, anything they'd say wouldn't be for us. We aren't entitled to their thoughts or their explicit rejection of Wilbur. Which is Also why anyone demanding instant statements from anyone is a fucking moron. They don't need to "prove" to us that they don't support Wilbur anymore. That's not what anything to do with this situation is about. That's not what matters here.

What matters is they've personally given Shelby their support; which is 10x more meaningful given directly to her rather than in public where it's also largely to please anyone scrutinizing them. What matters is they've stopped engaging with Wilbur, removed his presence from their personal content (ex: Phil removed his point redemption audios that had Wilbur in them), etc. Actions speak louder than words.

Some of you are just fucking lazy and don't want to look deeper, you want convenient and perfectly crafted statements for your satisfaction and comfort right away.

TLDR: think fucking harder before you open your mouth about any cc's reaction to Wilbur or his statement. These people were friends with him (many are also friends with Shelby!), trusted him, etc. There's nuance to situations like these whether you like it or not, and ccs saying anything where you can see it at the exact moment you want them to is not something any of us are owed.

Fuck Wilbur. Fuck his garbage statement. But if you're more focused on hounding every cc who ever knew him publicly to cater to you for one reason or another the second you want them to, fuck you too.

[eggcats]

I've been listening to the Thunder Saga, and I wonder if Zeus is also asking a question with a right and wrong answer in Thunder Bringer like I think Poseidon did in Ruthlessness. (I have a post for that, but I think Odysseus wasn't supposed to apologize, but to instead acknowledge that he should have killed Polyphemus).

Poseidon had to teach him to be ruthless.

Zeus needs to teach him to stop being so prideful.

Like, yes - Eurylochus did stage the mutiny and killed the cow. But! That was because Odysseus decided not to tell any of his men that they would need to accept 6 deaths to get home and allow them to make the choice themselves - because Odysseus couldn't handle the idea that they might refuse going past Scylla and keep him from going home.

This is even present in the song Scylla. Eurylochus is moved to confess that it was him who opened the bag of winds, but Odysseus keeps his own secrets and guilt to himself. I think none of the men even knew they were going past Scylla at all until it happened, since all Eurylochus says is "something approaches," implying he doesn't know what that something even IS.

Scylla even compares Odysseus to themselves, with his full transformation from man to monster now completed.

You hide a reason for shame You know that we are the same Leaving them feeling betrayed Breaking the bonds that you've made There is no price we won't pay We both know what it takes to survive

But if you notice, once they kill the cow, they start following Odysseus again. Hell, Eurylochus calls him captain! They follow his orders to escape! This shows that their real desire wasn't to overthrow Odysseus, but rather their anger and betrayal at not even having the option to choose to fight over sacrifice.

And honestly, this happened because Odysseus has demonstrated time and again that he will not discuss anything with his men and instead makes decisions without their input (too much pride to ever consider anyone's opinion other than his own).

In Storm, he tries to force the fleets to keep going despite Eurylochus saying that continuing would sink them all. In the same song, Odysseus also decides to go to the wind god without any discussion beforehand, and completely ignores Eurylochus's advice in Luck Runs Out about the inherent danger of going to the gods for help. In this same song, Odysseus also completely ignores the deaths of his men by Polyphemus, and instead brags about none of them dying in the war. (Once again, the pride Zeus mentions, and that Eurylochus criticizes in both Luck Runs Out and Puppeteer).

This is why Eurylochus opens the bag of winds, because Odysseus has proven he can't be trusted to tell him anything that could be important or put their lives in danger. Despite Eurylochus being his second in command, he's never treated as such. Odysseus has never once discussed something with him, taken his concerns into account, made a decision with him together, or even taken his advice. (Even cutting him off as far back as Full Speed Ahead without even considering his opinion).

Odysseus continues to ignore what Eurylochus tries to talk to him about in Puppeteer, and instead unintentionally gets all his men trapped by Circe. He then goes against Eurylochus again in the same song to confront her despite neither of them knowing if she can be defeated. All of this comes to a head when Odysseus does the same thing again in Scylla, except his decision was to intentionally let their men die for his own desires - and Eurylochus had no idea until it had already happened.

And that's why Eurylochus mutinies. He does it because he cares about his men, seemingly more than Odysseus has demonstrated he ever has.

(I'm not saying that Eurylochus has been right this whole time, and honestly I doubt Eurylochus would say the same - but Odysseus won't even listen to what he has to say, is the problem. He has too much pride).

And then Zeus arrives and proves Eurylochus right.

Zeus gives Odysseus a choice - him or his men. Forcing him to come to terms with the very same decision he made during Scylla and expose him for only caring for himself and not the men under his command.

Zeus is criticizing Odysseus and claiming that he's too full of pride to sacrifice himself to save his men. His men of which he is their captain. Of which he is their king. Zeus points this out to him explicitly, leading me to believe that he wasn't supposed to choose himself here.

I think that by taking back command after they killed the cow, Odysseus had taken responsibility for his men's actions. Except, when confronted with those same actions, he refuses to. Much like how a boss gets in trouble when their subordinates do something wrong, a captain should do the same for his crew.

Except. Odysseus doesn't. He fails the test.

And now he must have his pride taken from him again and again until he learns the lesson Zeus was teaching him. Just like he did with learning ruthlessness from Poseidon.

I think the next saga will involve him being confronted with this decision he makes here, and how it was the wrong one, and then the saga after that (perhaps with the suitors? I'm unsure how many more are planned) is when Odysseus will reprise Thunder Bringer and finally be able to return home.

[grims-sunshine]

hello! How are you? I see your requests are open? If it's alright, can i request some angst, but with a happy ending because I'm too damn soft🥲 Fem Tav being absolutely devastated when Astarion confessed but also that he was originally manipulating and using her? I never see anyone writing Tav being upset over that, like she's in love with him, but is rightfully angry and upset with him and just sobs while avoiding him for a while? 🥲

Hi hi anon! I'm good, thanks for asking <3 I hope you're alright too!

I love this idea so much aaaaah! I had to start writing pretty much immediately ahaha

Thanks so much for the request, I hope you enjoy it <3

🤍 Feel Better 🤍

Pairing: Astarion x Tav

Word count: 1.7k

Tags: angst with a happy ending, some mild anxiety, arguing, Tav says a few not so nice things maybe

"I care about you."

It's true when you say these words to Astarion. At least you think it's true. At least it was true just five minutes ago.

You're pretty sure it's still true.

You pull Astarion into a hug, and aren't sure if you do it because you want to hug him, or because it feels like the right thing to do.

He hesitates for a moment, but puts his arms around you as well. You're overcome with a wave of happiness that he hugged you back, then sadness that he just admitted to having manipulated you, then anger that you were dumb enough to fall for it.

When he holds your hand, you see a glint of sincerity in his eyes. But you're not sure you can trust your own judgment anymore. Part of you wonders if he actually means it this time.

You know it wouldn't make sense for him to lie again, right after confessing his last lie and admitting that he felt bad for it.

But it didn't make sense for him to lie the first time either.

You've been defending Gale when the others were mad about his secret, and he wasn't sleeping with you. You tried to stand up for Wyll when Mizora showed up, and he hadn't shown even a hint of interest in you. You sided with Karlach and helped her deal with the paladins when you didn't even know her yet.

In short, you've been doing your damnedest to protect the people around you, not because you wanted anything in return, but because you're all in an unfortunate situation, just trying to stay alive, and you believe it'll be better for all of you to help each other. You would've done the same for Astarion, without him ever doing so much as touch you.

Your thoughts cause unease to rise within you, getting worse with every second. Once he lets go of you, you excuse yourself, rushing off to a quiet place, out of view from the others.

You sink to the ground, leaning your head back against the wall as your vision goes blurry. Before you even notice it, tears stream down your face and you suppress a sob.

You feel betrayed. Astarion played with your feelings just to gain a benefit from you, with seemingly no care how it would make you feel. You should've gotten angry at him, told him off for manipulating you, screamed at him for hurting your feelings.

Instead, you gave him a hug and said you care about him.

Underneath the anger and hurt, your feelings for him are still there, maybe stronger than ever. If you could just move past this, maybe the two of you can be happy together after all.

It makes you feel like a child, thinking that you're in some kind of fairy tale romance. But you're not the protagonist of a storybook, and you're starting to have serious doubts that Astarion is the prince who will sweep you off your feet and bring you eternal happiness.

And yet, that small part of you makes you decide to stay with him for now and hope everything will work out for the better. You're not sure if you're naive, stupid, or if Astarion really is worth trying, but you trust your gut feeling, even when your brain is telling you to break things off immediately.

Still, you can't help feeling hurt over everything that happened, so over the next couple of days you pull away from Astarion. It's not your intention, but whenever you're close to him, you start to feel dizzy, sick even. You feel your chest tighten and a knot form in your stomach that gets worse the longer you're around him.

You used to not get enough of being close to you, now it feels like your whole body recoils against his presence.

Astarion doesn't seem to notice that anything has changed -- Or if he does, he doesn't show it. If anything, he's become even more affectionate with you.

He's been seeking out your touch more often, giving you occasional hugs and stealing kisses from you. They make your heart beat faster, but you can't tell anymore if it's because you love him or because it sends your brain into overdrive each time, wondering if he's doing it because he wants to be close to you or because he wants to keep you hooked so you won't turn away from him now.

You hate that you have to question him. You hate that you feel like you can no longer trust him when you blindly would've put your life in his hands just a few days ago.

To make things worse, life has decided to hurl even more struggles at you while you're dealing with your feelings.

The Shadow-Cursed Lands have been getting especially cold at night. You try to stay as close to the fireplace as possible, but it feels like the darkness sucks away any warmth provided by the fire, so you're left shivering and wishing you could lie in a warm bed with several blankets instead.

"Wanna cuddle a little for warmth?" Astarion's voice catches you off guard and you almost flinch when you notice him standing beside you, watching you shiver and grasping your arms.

"Not that I have much body heat to give off, but, you know… I could be there for you in spirit." He continues, giving you a smile that looks almost a little shy.

You're hesitant at first, but something about the way he looks at you plugs at your heartstrings. You can't resist him, not when he looks like he's sending silent prayers to the gods that you'll agree.

"Yeah, sure. At the very least you'll block off a bit of the cold, right?" You say, earning a chuckle from him.

"I'll do my very best to shield you from the cold, darling."

He settles down facing you, wrapping one arm around you to pull you closer to his chest.

You try your best to relax, but your body still tenses around him, even when you try to just swallow down your feelings.

You lie in silence for a while, until Astarion sighs.

"Is everything alright, dear? You've been acting a little off lately. I wasn't sure if I should mention it at all, but to be honest, I am a little worried." His tone is serious, void of the usual playfulness in his voice.

Damn it. He noticed.

"It's nothing, really," you say, hoping that he'll drop it. Instead, he just looks at you, sceptical.

"Are you sure? You can talk to me, you know." He frowns brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "It's just," he hesitates, like he's unsure of what to say, "I feel like you've started avoiding me ever since I opened up about my feelings. So, I've been thinking, maybe I misread the signs and you actually never wanted to move past… Whatever the hells it was we had before," he rambles. Then, a little quieter, he adds, "You know, I've never done this whole relationship thing, and I really don't want to make a fool of myself by pursuing someone who doesn't like me that way." He lets out a nervous chuckle.

Oh hells no.

"Make a fool out of you?" The words break out of you, louder and angrier than intended. "What about me, who made a fool out of herself the whole time thinking you actually liked me?" You should stay composed, calm yourself before you say something you regret, but at that moment, all the complicated feelings you've been having swirl together and explode within you. "You didn't stop once to think about that, did you? But when it's about you having to deal with something unpleasant, suddenly it's a problem. Don't you think that's a little selfish of you?"

By the way Astarion looks at you, you'd think he'd just been slapped. Then he averts his eyes and you feel his hands tightening, gripping the back of your shirt.

"Right," he sighs. "I deserve to be called selfish, I suppose."

Astarion takes a deep breath, his jaw clenching as he thinks about what to say next, before he relaxes it again. "I know what I did to you was wrong. I manipulated you and you didn't deserve that. At all." His voice quivers a little as he continues to speak. "And I know it's no excuse, but this is what I've done for two centuries. Manipulate people to avoid getting hurt. I have no damn idea how to navigate a relationship with someone who isn't trying to make me suffer at every turn, or someone who I know will meet a terrible end because of me."

He looks at you again with a pained expression. "I really do care about you, despite what I've done, you know? I didn't intend to care about you, but you crushed all my intentions just by being your wonderful, amazing self. And if you're willing to give me another chance, I promise to make this right. I promise I won't ever try to deceive you again. I want to be someone worthy of your love and I'll do what I can to be that kind of person."

This time you're absolutely certain that he's sincere. There's not a sliver of doubt in your mind about that.

You don't even realize that you haven't said anything in a while until you notice Astarion grow increasingly nervous, looking at you like he expects you to cuss him out and tell him to leave any second.

You grab his hand and press a kiss to his palm. "I am willing to give you a chance," you say, seeing the instant wave of relief rush over his face. "I know you're new to all of this, and I know you've been through a lot. I should've talked about this sooner instead of just avoiding you. And I shouldn't have yelled earlier either. So I'm sorry as well."

Astarion presses his forehead against yours, pulling you into a close hug. "So things are good between us now, right?"

You nod, leaning in to kiss his cheek before nuzzling into his chest. "Yeah, everything's alright."

Title inspired by this

[cry-ptidd]

Continuing on with my proactive Integra ramblings (and this is going to get rambly) -- one change I would make is having her be the one who realises that Walter is double crossing them to work with Millennium, instead of two general guys we know nothing about.

It would make a lot of sense for her! She's aware of there being a mole, she's known Walter her entire life and she has had a (very significant) experience with betrayal in her youth. Her experience being hunted and nearly killed by her own uncle should have left a great impact on her ability to trust even her closest allies. She must have been aware of the rivalry and tension between Walter and Alucard and she could very well understand that the aging Walter might be motivated to get unsavoury alliances. She knows of Walter's awful child soldier origins, too. She has everything she needs to connect the dots.

And THEN, have HER double cross him back -- by sabotaging him. Instead of the Doc's vampirisation surgery being rushed, have it go perfectly, but then have Integra be the one to disrupt the process, kickstarting his age regression and instability.

The Hellsing family has Alucard, a vampire they experimented on. They could have figured out how vampirisation works, so they could have found a way to disrupt the turning process (at least partially, maybe not able to turn a fully fledged vampire back human, but to stop a full transformation).

This could be a secret 'poison weapon' that Arthur only shared with Integra, that not even Walter knows about. Integra could have sneakily infected Walter with it right before parting with him in episode 5. She could still have let him go and told him to stay alive because, despite suspecting him, she still wanted to believe in him.

YEAHHH THAT'S WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT

Integra just NEEDS to have a bigger impact on the story. The plot basically has her constantly backed into a corner and gives her the worst possible choices to make and she feels like she's warring against insurmountable odds with little control of anything. The story gives us the idea and vibe that she would normally be a very capable and intelligent - even sly and shrewd - person, but was stuck in a situation where she had the choice between Terrible Option and Horrifically Abominable Option with like ZERO knowledge about anything where every choice was a gamble.

Integra absolutely deserved to be able to sabotage Walter's betrayal; you're SO fucking right about this. We've seen that Integra is a distrustful person because of how her uncle betrayed the family; she was cold and cutting with Penwood until she saw he was no threat and only then she became warmer to him. I can easily see her having a backup plan in case anyone in her entourage ever turned on her; Walter would be no exception, even if I can imagine it's something she'd rather not consider. But still; she's a leader and has great responsibility on her, and can't let her feelings get in the way of that. So Walter gradually starts to climb up the list on who she suspects.

I can see that the only persons whose words she trusts could be her father and grandfather; maybe we could see her mysteriously going to the archives in the mansion, reading some old journals and secret letters that are coded in a way only the Hellsings would know, and that would foreshadow her sabotaging of Walter's betrayal and even Millenium plans.

Just give her SOMETHING that makes it seem like she's not just suffering the plot and instead ACTS in it and actively prevents or causes events.

[jeon-ify]

that night : j. yunho - pt. 1

a/n: this is my first actual fic since i’ve just been posting scenarios and requests :3 !! this idea came from listening to ‘you broke me first’ by tate mcrae. its a great song and it reminds me of yunho but toxic yunho. it would kinda be good if you listen to the song while reading !! idk girl i just write

genre: smut, drama, early 20s- mid 20s romance, toxic/dark romance, 18+

warnings: smut, dark romance, toxic!yunho, yunho has a threesome with y/n’s best friends, yunho is a cheater, reader swears a lot, yunho calls reader a psychotic bitch, san is a druggie, alcohol, cocaine, yunho begs, yunho gets sad and guilty, reader claims she moved on, san is annoying as hell, wooyoung is readers bestie!!

“san! i haven’t talked to you in so long, i’m sorry! how have you been?” your phone rang, you look to see that san called you about 20 times. you’ve been ignoring him, since he’s done almost every drug under the sun in the past year since you all have moved to different cities.

“man I called you 6 times. stop playing dumb. yunho’s asking about you again, please call him back. i’m sick of his shit.” san sniffles sharply. you’re sure he’s doing crack again, but when is he not?

you did not want to hear about yunho. you haven’t heard about or seen him in almost 4 years now, recovering from that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~

you call yunho, in hopes that he’d pick up. you left him a voicemail asking if he’d want anything from target when you were off work tonight.

*hello!! it’s yunho, sorry i couldn’t take your call. leave a message and i’ll call back!*

“i’m gonna stop at target, babe. did you want anything? love you, call me back.”

you finish your target run, grabbing a set of shampoo and conditioner and other necessities as you’ve been out of your favorites for a week now. you step out of the car, grabbing your bags and unlocking the door to yunhos apartment. you didn’t live with him, but you practically did since you were there almost every day of the week.

“~yuyu, fuck its so good! so big!” “you fuck us so good oh my god.”

“you’re both so fuckin’ pretty. my god.”

no fucking way.

your heart dropped to your ass, at a loss of every word in the dictionary. you felt like you were being run over by a truck 100 times over.

it felt like every moment with yunho was flashing at once.

he told you he loved you a million times a minute, you thought you were the only one. you thought that yunho would love you and only you, but how could you be so stupid to trust anyone else again?

you walk to where the noise is coming from, tears flooding your eyes, threatening to fall. the door is cracked a little, you see a pile of black hair and red hair mixed, one on top of the other. one of the girls has a tattoo on her wrist while the other has one too— it looks all too familiar.

one tattoo being a moon, the other being a sun.

your best friends.

you want to cut off the star tattoo on your wrist so fucking bad. how could they ever betray you like this? they never approved of yunho, but he’s inside both of them, fucking them on your shared bed. in your (what was once) home.

you didn’t even want to acknowledge the situation, instead you dropped the target bag at the door of the bedroom, leaving as soon as you could.

hours later, yunho calls. no answer.

you stare as your phone rings.

*32 missed calls from yuyu 🫶🏻✨*

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: hey, sry i didn’t call back. where’d u go?

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: babe?

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: y/n, pick up the phone.

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: not funny.

Read at 12:43AM

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: ur reading my fkn messages but ur not answering n its pissing me off

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: alr whatever lmao dnt pick up.

Today at 5:21AM

yuyu 🫶🏻✨: i cnt sleep, thibkin about yoj

*2 missed calls from yuyu 🫶🏻✨*

you watch your phone ring, waiting for the ringing to stop. your tears flow, deciding to call him back.

“baby? my fucking god, i mis-missed you. *hiccup* had me worried sick.” he slurs. he’s fucking crying.?

“you’re a fucking liar. my best friends? you’re drinking, you piece of shit. and you’re fucking crying?”

“relax, they’re not your best friends and i know that cus they did that to you, plus me and you baby, we don’t belong to each other. been wanting to leave. felt so fucking locked up. you won’t let me do what i want, you controlling fucking psychotic bitch.”

what the fuck.?

you watch the time on the phone call increase as he mumbles what you really meant to him.

you feel like you really did trap him, but you both didn’t agree on a poly relationship. for him to fuck your best friends is an insane thing to do to someone.

you end the phone call after 57 minutes of yunho talking about how much he fucking hated you for never letting him fuck your friends.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“i’m never talking to that piece of shit again and never bring him up to me. i have things to do, i’ll text you.”

you hung up the phone after 35 seconds.

you’ve grown past the situation with yunho, healing and becoming a better person. you were single, traumatized from your past relationships being a burden on you. but, your best friend wooyoung always supported you through and through. he wanted what was best for you, even though he introduced you to yunho. it wasn’t wooyoungs fault that yunho had fucked up (or was already fucked up), he just wanted to help you find someone. you had your own apartment, your own car and your own lash studio. you were booked for days on end, always working and being your own person.

but, with healing comes pain.

you’d occasionally think about yunho, how he’d pamper you in gifts and he’d take you anywhere you wanted. you thought about the nights that you’d cried to him, he’d hold you in his warm chest, making sure you were held and you didn’t feel alone. you sometimes still toss around in bed, thinking yunho was next to you, on your right side. you’d still bake matcha and white chocolate cookies as if he’d eat them with you, a reminder that you loved yunho— as your love language was baking— and every time you see those cookies, your heart begins to ache.

you pick up your phone and text your best friend, as he’s the only person you go to for anything.

—————-

to: woo 🧍🏻‍♀️

y/n: bitch get up

y/n: r u awake yet

y/n: GET THE FUCK UP BRO ITS AN EMERGENCY

y/n: if ur not up in the nect 5 minutes i’m calling the cips

y/n: next *^ & cops^*

y/n: man i just need to talk 😩 san called me

*seen*

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: girl what the FUCK

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: did u call the cops yet

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: is the cop hot

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: bitch WHI CALLED

woo 🧍🏻‍♀️: im calling u rn answer

your best friend calls you in no less than 3 minutes after your series of texts.

“why is san calling you? what’d he want?” wooyoung asks, concern masking his voice.

“woo, i just started feeling like i finally moved on from all that bullshit. he fucking calls me like ‘oh yunho wants to talk to you’ and i’ve been dodging yunho for fucking ever. i know he’s been calling me but-“ you ramble to him. he cuts you off, questioning:

“did you ask him what he wanted from you?”

“it doesn’t matter because im over it and im over fucking everything. its all bad news and i don’t wanna go down that hole again, woo. if you’re so curious ask him yourself. i don’t care and i honestly don’t wanna know.”

“okay. i won’t ask.” wooyoung says in defense. he has a sixth sense, and his sense is telling him that maybe something is wrong with yunho, or maybe he wants to try to give you the closure you deserve. though he already gave you closure— just not the kind you expected from someone you’ve loved for 6 years.

but a part of you really wanted to know why he called. a little portion of your heart still aches for yunho, but you’re healing, remember?

the phone call ends after small talk, and you stare at yunho’s contact info for 7 minutes. you open messages and read the last message he sent you. you have him blocked, but you know it’s his number.

May 19th, 2021 at 3:21AM

*You have new messages from (***)***-**** *

(***)***-****: baby, i’m so sorry.

(***)***-****: you won’t ever forgive me, but i’ve changed. my star, my love, my moon, my sun.

(***)***-****: i can’t sleep anymore.

(***)***-****: i’ll leave you alone, okay?

December 10th, 2022 at 1:21AM

(***)***-****: i can’t live without you.

(***)***-****: it’s been so fucking long

(***)***-****: js need to see ur face. keep staring at the same pic but it was so long ago

(***)***-****: my messages are green, why are they green?

(***)***-****: i met someone today, his name started with an M but i can’t remember what his name was

(***)***-****: he’s helping me heal. ik i don’t deserve to heal but i wanna be better bc u deserve better

(***)***-****: i wanna be the one for u my love

(***)***-****: i fucked up but pls believe me when i say i’ll change for u bb

(***)***-****: i’m going to sleep, goodnight my angel

January 8, 2023 at 7:08PM

(***)***-****: everythibg remjnds me of u baby

(***)***-****: ur everywhere i go

(***)***-****: ur everything i see

(***)***-****: mingi won’t let me live diwn what i did to u

(***)***-****: i deserve to fucking die

(***)***-****: i really lost u

Today at 10:32PM

(***)***-****: i still miss you, my love.

(***)***-****: want you to carry my children and be in my life forever.

(***)***-****: i’ve bettered myself. i’ve changed, please let me see you again.

*seen*

shortly after you open his book of messages, your phone rings.

*2 missed calls from (***)***-**** *

———————

you watch your phone ring twice, your heart dropping 6 times over, you didn’t think he would be this bad about it, but maybe he aches for you the same way you ache for him.

maybe yunho is sorry. maybe he changed and maybe he wants to be with you again.

your phone rings again, the same phone number showing up, as your shaky hands press the green button.

silence. the first 8 seconds is silent as yunho tries to process and come up with what he’ll say to you.

he tried calling you for 3 years on end, you’d blocked him. he was so used to your voicemail being the only thing left of you to heal him.

“h-hello?” there it is. the voice you refused to hear for almost 4 years, its there. it’s no longer only in your head, it’s his voice on the other side of the 7 inch screen against your ear.

his voice makes your stomach twist and turn, your hands sweating as your chest forms a hole within itself.

“you don’t need to say anything, just listen to me, hm? you can hang up any second you want, but if your heart still aches for me the way mine does for you, you’d listen.

my love. i’ve ruined you and tore you to shreds. i don’t even know where i begin. you are the most precious thing that has ever happened to me. the minute you entered my life, i took you for granted and fucked up. i didn’t realize how much i loved you or how much you meant to me until you left. that night is a blur to me, you didn’t deserve any of that. you deserve to be treated like royalty, you deserve to be treated in the most beautiful and enchanting way because that is how you made me feel. but i went and fucked that up for the both of us. i didn’t mean what i said to you. i was drunk but that’s no excuse to talk to you the way i did. it’s not right. it never was.

the only time i ever find myself doing right is when i beat myself up for doing you wrong.

i stay at the same apartment, san comes over and does whatever he needs to do but i haven’t touched a drug since you left me. the minute you left was the minute i decided to better myself. mingi is helping me be the person i want to be for you. my god, i hate myself for everything ive done to you. i’m not asking for your forgiveness, i know you won’t give it to me. but i want you to know that i still am here and i still love you. i love you better and i love you the way you deserve.

are you still with me, y/n?”

he breathes. you breathe. you finally breathe.

“i- yunho. i don’t know how to feel about any of this, you really hurt me and i can’t trust anyone anymore. you fucked my best friends, in our room. i don’t even know why i even looked at my phone or why i even answered san when he called me. i’m doing better, but you calling me again is really making me feel like i’m falling down that hole again.” you try your hardest to not let him hear you grow weak to his confession. his heart caved in, and his stomach grew empty when you’d brought up his mistake.

“i understand. i won’t push or do anything to make you uncomfortable. but, i want to have coffee with you, or one of us can come over and we can talk about this, hm?”

you sigh. you felt like all the healing and all the self care you’ve been doing is going straight down the drain.

but do you wanna listen to what he has to say?

“i’m free tomorrow afternoon. but i can’t stay long.” is all you say. you don’t wanna keep this conversation going, nor do you even want to talk about this at all. you are growing selfish; only wanting to see yunho because you miss the attention you used to get from him.

“as long as i get to see you, its okay. i look forward to talking to you, y/n. been waiting forever. is 4:30 fine with you?” he sniffles and lets out a calm chuckle from within his throat.

he’s aching just as much as you are.

“yes. goodnight, yunho.”

“goodnight, star.” that nickname. the same nickname that dragged you into his lore. he speaks lightly. the phone call ends and he sounds like an angel, making your head spin and your heart confused.

you don’t know whether to trust yunho again because, maybe, he is sorry. maybe he wants to make things right with you.

for the rest of the night, you cannot sleep. you don’t decide on going tomorrow, you really don’t want to face yunho after what he did to you. after 4 hours of tossing and turning, rereading texts from yunho, drinking water, and listening to nothing but the buzzing in your ear, you finally manage to get sleep.

—————————————————————————————

first fic!! yay!! i know yall are gonna hate yunho because what he did to y/n is trash and ass and all of the above. i hope you guys start to understand yunho further in the story. idk what im gonna do with this fic but i hope i come up with part 2 in a timely manner cus i dont want it to be dragged lol. but!!!!!!!!!! i hope you all like this fic just as much as i HATE it 😋

[mediocrecowboyhat]

Set in sand - Chapter 24

We mark the year 1934 and a peculiar journal falls into your hands. It's telling the tale of an outlaw and the downfall of a gang. Some pages are torn and others are downright unreadable, but nevertheless, you are still able to make out some parts of the tragic story.

With the help of a certain time traveler friend of yours, will you be able to save the author of the journal or will you be the cause for his demise?

Previous chapter - Next chapter

Word count: 2.9k

TW: end-game spoilers will be mentioned very early on in the story, 18+ MDNI, sexual themes, violence, gore, death, misogynistic themes (anything that happens in the game as well), she/her pronouns

"We can blow that building up, alright, but we'd need to get inside. The pillars looked unstable to me.", Hosea explains into the round and everyone nods to themselves.

Dutch, Arthur and you are sitting on the balcony upstairs and listening to Hosea's plan regarding the distraction for the bank heist. He hasn't confided you in the finer details, wanting to have you present when he talks to the others.

"Didn't you say that the place was locked?", Arthur chimes in, scratching his cheek. The beard is a bit more visible now and you feel your lips curl up ever so slightly.

"It is, but I know how to get the keys and this is where you come on in.", the older man answers and his eyes land on you. "You said you knew him from before. I think, you should organize a meeting and get the keys from him."

It makes absolute sense for you to take the initiative in this, yes, but the weight of it makes you anxious. "Are you suggesting, that I steal them?"

"Precisely."

Everyone's gazes are on you and you feel an uncomfortable heat creep up into your face, but you mask your nervousness. Stealing something this small shouldn't put such pressure on you, but given the reason and importance behind it makes it a huge task.

"I can do that.", you finally manage to bring out and a pleased smile forms on Dutch's face.

"Perfect then!", he exclaims, throwing his arms into the air. "Whatever you need for the job, Miss, don't hesitate to ask. This is of great importance, after all."

You nod at his words and listen with only one ear as the conversation moves to another topic. The cogs and gears in your head are working on overdrive while you think of a good way to betray James yet again. The thought alone sends an unpleasant shiver down your spine.

As you get up from the chair to leave the balcony, Arthur falls into step beside you. His blue eyes fixate you from the side. "Do you want me to come with you?"

Tilting your head slightly, you contemplate his offer. Having a competent gun like him there would definitely make you feel more relaxed, but James isn't too fond of the outlaw. His presence might compromise your plans.

"No, that would be a bad idea.", you answer and shoot him a look that pretty much says 'after everything you've done to the poor man'.

Arthur immediately raises his hands in defence and shakes his head. "Hey, that ain't my fault. It was just one of 'em things."

"Sure. It's always one of them things with you." Your voice comes out more joking than upset and it earns you an easy and quick smirk from him. Then it vanishes as soon as it had appeared and is being replaced by a serious look.

"But you do need someone there with you. If things go bad..." Arthur leaves the rest unspoken and you nod.

"I know, I know. I already have someone in mind for the job."

"You do? Who?"

He follows your knowing gaze until his eyes land on a certain blonde woman, who is inspecting one of her guns at the moment. An amused scoff leaves his throat and he hooks his thumbs into his weapon belt.

"Sadie?", he ask, already knowing your answer.

"Exactly."

You wouldn't want anyone else riding with you (besides Arthur of course) and you trust her to have your back if things get ugly, which they most likely won't. Besides, you promised her to take her with you on a job at some point and James has seen her face at the saloon. It might be suspicious to bring someone new.

"Will you be leavin' now?", Arthur wants to know and leans against one of the pillars, crossing his legs.

"If she's ready, yes. I just want it to be over as quickly as possible."

A sigh leaves your lips afterwards and you run a hand over your face. Hopefully you all will be able to leave this place for good, once the heist is done with. And hopefully you won't run into James when he notices your betrayal.

"Are you sure you don't want me there? I'm not questionin' Sadie's competence of course.", the outlaw says and takes your hand in his. There is a certain hesitancy in that action, as if he's not sure you will let him touch you. "It's just that, this job is not not dangerous."

"I'm fine, don't worry. It's not the first time I'm stealing something."

And James won't suspect anything anyways.

Before pulling your hand away, you give his a gentle and reassuring squeeze. A smile forms on your face, but it doesn't quite reach your eyes. Arthur's fingers brush over yours as you turn away and walk towards Sadie.

Something flickers in her eyes when she lifts her head to meet your gaze, smirking. "Hello there."

"Are you busy?", you ask and she lifts her eyebrow in curiosity.

"Not really.", she answers, her voice laced with anticipation. She knows from your tone and expression that something is up.

"So remember how I told you that I'll take you with me on a job? Are you still interested?"

The woman's smirk turn into a wide grin and excitement washes over her face as she jumps up to her feet. "Are ya seriously askin' me that? When are we leavin'?"

"I was thinking about right now.", you answer, chuckling.

Next thing you know, she's dragging you towards the horses and you explain the plan to her during the ride. A thoughtful hum can be heard from her direction.

"And this guy isn't suspectin' anythin'?" Wariness laces her tone, but you don't share it. Rather confident, you shake your head.

"It didn't look like that to me when Hosea and I talked to him."

"Well, if anything goes to shit just say the word and I'll start shootin' up the place.", she exclaims with a heavy drawl and fishes a revolver out of her weapon belt to underline her words.

"Will do.", you murmur under your breath, hoping it won't come to that.

After a while the two of you find yourselves in a rather fancy neighborhood. Actually, you recognize riding through here in the coach with Hosea, Dutch and Arthur, back when you attended that garden party. James must live only a few houses away from that place.

You hitch your horse on the side of the street and take out the card he has given you. Checking if you're at the correct address, you step into the front yard and walk towards the door. Sadie is following close behind you, her hand always placed close to her holster.

After you ring the doorbell, it takes a few seconds for the large double door to be cracked open. An unfamiliar face greets you. It belongs to an old man with silver, slicked back hair and a face that strongly reminds you of an owl, but not in the same way the mayor did when you met him.

"How can I help you?", he asks in a slow way, dragging out pretty much every single word.

Clearing your throat, you show him the card James has given you. "I'm here on business matters."

His deep brown eyes read the delicately printed letters on that small piece of paper before nodding and he steps aside. With a quick look that you throw Sadie over your shoulder, you walk into the house.

The hallway is open and filled with all sorts of plants. It makes you feel like you're more in a botanical garden than a normal residency. The walls are painted in light colors and the floor is made out of white marble that reflects the sunlight coming through the many windows.

"If you'll follow me.", the old man rips you out of your thoughts and takes you up a flight of stairs, leading you into an office.

The room has a high ceiling with a chandelier hanging down in the middle and the walls are covered in book shelves. Your guess is that most of these books haven't even been read and are only here for decoration.

James is sitting at a wooden desk that is adorned with fine carvings and it seems like that piece of furniture is far too big for him. He's not a man of small built, but his surroundings really aren't doing him any favors. The wide windows behind him drown the entire office in warm sunlight.

Unfortunately there aren't any plants in sight, making the room a vast contrast to the rest of the house's interior. James looks up from the pile of paperwork infront of him and his entire face lights up in delight.

"You came already?", he speaks up and stands up from his desk chair. He gives the older man a quick nod to signal him that he can leave now.

"Yes, we'd like another look.", you answer, forcing a convincing smile.

"Ah and here I was, scared that you might back off from the deal.", he answers with a soft chuckle. A few of his blonde curls fall infront of his face and he brushes them back with his hand. Then his eyes fall on something behind you. "You're a familiar face, but I'm afraid that I missed your name."

Sadie steps forward to stand next to you, her stance more relaxed now than when you entered this place. "Sadie. Mrs. Sadie Adler."

"It's nice to meet you Mrs. Adler."

The two of you aren't wanted anywhere (yet), so you're free to give him your real names. Not that you believe that he will snitch on you anyways if he'd somehow find out that you're criminals. On the contrary, he seemed incredibly excited back in the saloon when he saw your guns.

"Shall we go then?", he suggests and you nod.

Outside, an open coach is already standing ready for your small group to use and you all climb in. Your eyes linger on the two horses that are hitched up infront of his property.

"Could you give us a ride back as well?", you ask, motioning with your chin towards Penthesilea and Sadie's horse.

"Of course! I was meaning to drop you off at wherever you're staying.", he answers in a matter of fact way. "Where are you staying, if I may ask?"

Sadie and you exchange subtle looks before you answer. "Hotel Grant."

It's the only hotel that you know of in Saint Denis. Much to your relief, James seems to buy it and he leans back into his seat, satisfied with your answer.

"Where is your business partner from yesterday?", he then wants to know with a raised eyebrow.

"He couldn't make it." Your answer comes out shorter and more curtly than intended, but he doesn't seem to take notice.

At this point you're starting to assume that James is naive and gullible in nature. You have given him plenty of reasons to be suspicious by now. What if he knows what you are and he just doesn't care? It's hard to say what would be worse.

"This warehouse.", you start, faking interest in the building. "Why aren't you using it anymore?"

The man sitting infront of you curls up his lips in an embarrassed way, as if he'd been caught doing something bad. "Well, I really shouldn't tell you this, but we've had some issues with mold the past few years."

That would explain the stench. You nod to yourself, but say nothing further about that topic. Mold is the least of your problems and you wish you could tell him that he shouldn't worry about it either.

As you get off the coach, you track every single movement James makes. From the moment he fishes out the keys from his pockets to when he stores them back. The location is a tad unfortunate, but nothing you can't manage. They're stored on the inside of his coat right at his chest.

Maybe I could pretend to trip and just slip my hand in there? Yes, that should work.

You walk around the building, careful not to breathe in too deeply. He wasn't kidding when he said that they've been fighting mold for a long time now. A quick look over your shoulder tells you that Sadie is on the other side, inspecting some pillars and the naked brick walls.

As you take a step onto the metal staircase, leading up into the office, you feel the structure wobble under your feet. A presence appears right by your side and you turn your head to face James. An apologetic smile is on his lips.

"That needs some fixing, yes.", he comments, his gaze set on the rusty stairs and you let out an agreeing hum. "I know it doesn't look too good, but I'll offer a great deal for the property. If you don't like the current state then surely you can tear this down and re-build it."

You pretend to think about it. "We'll see. I will have to get back to Hosea about that."

"I can send you a price, once I've gone over the logistics and documents. Hotel Grant was it?"

"Just drop it off at the post office.", you answer, not wanting him to snoop around at the hotel. If he'd do that, then your cover would be blown.

"And should I address it to you or your business partner?"

"Tacitus Killgore."

You take in his reaction with a subtle side glance. His eyebrows shoot up and he studies your side profile for a few seconds before responding. "Is that another partner or something?"

"It's kind of the boss.", you say, too unsure to possibly sound convincing, but nevertheless, he nods. Much to your surprise, he doesn't come off as suspicious at all and even drops the topic.

After Sadie and you have given the entire place a thorough look-over, you leave through the front door again and you observe where James puts back the keys. They're in his chest pocket again and you step aside to let Sadie climb into the coach first.

Just as you take a step forward towards the vehicle, you trip over your own feet, but luckily James catches you. He protectively wraps his arms around your form and you place both hands on his chest to support yourself.

An embarrassed chuckle leaves your lips and you look up to meet his gaze. Worry covers his expression and you force an apologetic smile as your hand slides into his coat. Your fingers find a small object and without him noticing anything, you grab it.

"I'm so sorry. I swear, these shoes will be the death of me.", you joke and pull away from his grasp.

The concern in his face is being replaced by relief when he sees that you're alright and he extends his hand to you to help you into the coach. "It's quite alright. The sidewalk here isn't the cleanest either."

"You really should stop falling all over the place.", Sadie chimes in, making your clumsiness more believable.

"This happens regularly, I take it?", James asks curious and Sadie gives him a big nod.

"You got no idea, pal. I'm surprised she hasn't lost a leg yet!"

"Real funny, Sadie.", you grumble with crossed arms and hide the key in your fist.

The ride back to James' house goes by with some light small talk and he shakes your hand before the two of you mount your horses. He waves you goodbye as you signal Penthesilea to carry you away, outside of the city. You feel his eyes in the back of your head, but you don't dare turn around.

"That went smoothly. You got the keys?", Sadie asks over the sound of galloping hooves. Once you're around several corners, you lift the metal object into the air for her to see.

"It was easy."

"I think that feller is sweet on ya.", she tease with a smirk, but you sternly shake your head.

"He knows that I have something going on with Arthur."

"That don't always stop folk from developin' feelings.", she argues and you let out a defeated sigh.

"Just don't tell Arthur about that. God knows what he might do to that poor guy."

And with that you're one step closer to your freedom.

---

"You did well, stealin' those keys." Arthur's rough voice brushes your ears as the tips of his fingers trace the outline of your knuckles.

The keys are now in Hosea's possession and him and some of the other boys will plant the dynamite inside that building, once the time comes. A deep sigh leaves your lips and the outlaw throws you a questioning look.

"Why do I feel like shit now? I didn't feel like that the other times I screwed people over.", you complain with your gaze set straight forward.

You find yourself resting on a chair at the front porch with Arthur sitting right beside you. A cigarette is tugged between his lips, a cloud of smoke covering most of his face. The both of you are sitting close together, fingers intertwined and thighs pressed together.

"You like him. For some goddamn reason." He grumbles the last part in an irritated way and you give his shoulder a playful slap.

That action earns you an amused smirk from him and he holds the cigarette between his fingers. Some of the ash falls down and you watch the glow die out on the wet wood.

"Don't worry 'bout it too much. Focus on the fact that you did a good job, alright?"

"Alright."

But it just doesn't want to let you go. 

Taglist: @shackspossum @abducted-cowz @heloixe

[rachetmath]

Pyrrha: Hi you must be Alyx.

Alyx: Yes.

Pyrrha: Well I just want to talk to you about something.

Alyx: I mean sure but what-

Pyrrha: Not what. It’s who. You know Jaune Arc?

Alyx: I mean y-

Pyrrha: You know the Rustud Knight? The one you betrayed? Who you poisoned?

Alyx: Well I can- *attempts to run*

Penny: *blocks her path*Nope. All attempts of escape are at zero right now.

Alyx: You can’t be serious.

Penny: As the current generation would say," Oh yes bitch. Try me."

Alyx: Okay I may have wronged him a little bit.

Lewis: A little? You completely poisoned him.

Alyx: Lewis you are not helping.

Lewis: At least like Jaune I was trying. But you never listen.

Alyx: Look I understand but what’s the big deal? He got back to Remnant.

Pyrrha: Why?! Why did you do it?

Alyx: I mean… well… I… um….

Pyrrha: Alyx, understand, you have two deadly women on both sides of you. If you don’t give us a good explanation well…. I guess we’ll finally see if you can fall from heaven.

Alyx: Well I saw this vision and I didn’t like it.

Penny: Understood, what was the vision?

Alyx: Um… I *whisper* don’t remember.

Penny: You what?!

Alyx: I don’t remember okay?!

Pyrrha: What vision? Who’s vision?

Alyx: I don’t know. The writers didn’t give me anything. I saved him though. That counts, right?

Pyrrha: No. He just survived.

Penny: Plus your ‘help’ could give him problems down the road.

Alyx: Like what?

Me: I mean the fan base speaks for itself. I mean the guy hasn’t been in Remnant for years it’s going to be kind of hard for him to readjust. Not only that he has to recover from years of isolation, PTSD, trauma, and because of you he might as well also be having trust issues. Not only that he had to leave another friend behind. You and the Ever After might as have shattered him

Alyx: Oh Oum.

Pyrrha: Yeah. Oum can’t save you. Penny.

Penny: Way ahead of you.

Alyx: Wait you wouldn’t hurt an innocent black child right?

Pyrrha and Penny: ………..

Me: Alyx you heard the saying, “Equal rights equal fights.”

Alyx: Let’s say I don’t.

Me: No matter your race. No matter your sexuality. No more matter your gender or age. You made a choice to do what you do. And as a result of said choice you must face said consequences. Weither they be good or bad. Basically you may be a kid but you were grown enough commit murder. And as such-

Pyrrha: You have this coming.

Alyx: *crying* I’m sorry. I just wanted to home. Jaune had no idea how. So I did what ever took. And then the Cat betrayed me and I died. Please? Don’t hurt me!

Summer: Come now ladies. I know you’re both upset but-

Pyrrha: Ms. Rose! Shut up!

Summer: I’m sorry? Who are you talking to?

Pyrrha: You are a nobody. You have been irrelevant for a while now. You left your daughters and died. Your daughter ain’t shit. Your team is still disbanded even after you died. You might as well be an afterthought at this point.

Summer: Said the girl who’s only job was to run away.

Pyrrha: I went out in a blaze of glory. I proved myself. What the fuck have you done?

Summer: Um.

Penny: Friend Pyrrha I know I have no rights to talk.

Pyrrha: Damn straight. You suffered more than myself. All you had to do was live. Instead, you traumatized my man. He just got over me too. Why would you do that?

Penny: Okay, I’m sorry. But, he’s going to be fine now. Let’s just let her go. And we pray he gets better.

Pyrrha: Fine. You're lucky Alyx.

Alyx: Thank you. But I am sorry.

Pyrrha: Shut up. Oum damn. If this story continues he better get stronger and kill Cinder. Because this is stupid. I mean how much trauma does one guy need? How he is not a villain? I mean, come on, he can’t be like Yuji, he doesn’t have skills like that.

Penny: Well friend W-

Pyrrha: If you say her name I will end you.

Summer: Okay woah, it’s been nine volumes why are you mad about this?

Pyrrha: One; he deserves better. Two; I prefer your daughter or anyone else than her. Three; she’s fucking useless. And four; it took him being an old man for her to start liking him. Fuck that bitch.

Summer: Well like said, if you stayed alive then-

Pyrrha: If you stayed alive maybe Qrow would have stopped drinking. If you stayed alive maybe your baby daddy wouldn’t be in a state of depression. Maybe if you stayed alive you could help your daughter learn how to control her eyes and be less useless in fighting the Queen of Grimm.

Summer: That was uncalled for.

Pyrrha: Move along side character.

[fallingstqrss]

can you please do a one shot where president!coriolanus cancels the games for his wife bc they make her stressed😭😭

"anything to protect you"

a/n: i love this idea. him being so in love with her he would literally do anything is my fav hc

summary: coriolanus snow had always thought that the hunger games were necessary, keeping them as a key part of his presidency. that is until he realizes just how distressing the games are for his wife.

warnings: minor violence, snow might be a little ooc but its ok because i love him as a softie.

It was a warm summer day in the Capitol. Usually, you would have enjoyed these days, the sun shining down automatically brightening your day. But, there was one thing that was weighing down your mind today. The Reaping ceremony.

You had grown up in the Capitol but had never understood the games. When you were in school you had a friend, Sejanus Plinth, who shared the same views as you but those views eventually got him killed. His fate served as a reminder to you, a reminder that you could never vocalize your dislike of the games.

You had married Coriolanus Snow not long after he returned from peacekeeper training. The two of you had been dating in secondary school but he ultimately broke up with you before he went away to the districts, not wanting you to spend your life waiting for him. It broke your heart to imagine being with anyone else, so you waited for Coriolanus.

Lucky for you, he was back after a couple weeks. The two of you picked up where you had left off. Coriolanus had proposed not long after he graduated. That eventually led to the position you hold now, the First Lady of Panem. Coriolanus loved that you were his first lady. You were perfect in his eyes, you'd only ever been there to support him, in both times of good and bad.

You had thought about voicing your concerns about the games to Coriolanus but no matter how much you loved and trusted him, you couldn't risk his reaction if you told him how you really felt about the games.

So, you attended the Reaping Ceremony viewing that they held in the Capitol, one of Coriolanus' ideas, something that just reinforced how he felt about the games in your mind. You and Coriolanus took your seats in the box elevated higher than the crowd, allowing for a perfect view of the screens.

You and Coriolanus had walked hand-in-hand but you shrugged yours away as you sat down, thinking that your sweaty hands would betray that something was wrong with Coriolanus. Coriolanus immediately noticed that something was troubling you. In all of the years you and Coriolanus had been together he had picked up on all of your queues, there was little you could do to hide your emotions from him now.

Coriolanus leaned over in his seat, about to voice his concern, but the trumpets sounding across the area announced that the ceremony was starting. You watched with your jaw clenched as you stared into the screen, pieces of your heart breaking off with each child's name that was called.

Your breaking point came when they called the female tribute from District 11. They called her name, your heart shattering as you saw a girl who was no older than 12 stepping out of the crowd. Tears swell your eyes and you her the girl's sobs. Even the announcer, who usually remained uninterested, seemed to be uncomfortable. You couldn't take it anymore, standing up to leave. Coriolanus watched as you left, jumping up to follow you.

"My love, wait!" Coriolanus called after his wife's retreating figure but you continued walking. It was only when he caught up to you to grab hold of your wrist that you stopped walking. Concern flooded his face as he realized you were crying, holding your face in his hands. "Y/n, darling, what's wrong?" He questioned, brushing away the tears with his thumb.

"I can't do it anymore, Coriolanus." He tensed at the use of his full name. You hadn't called him Coriolanus when it was just the two of you since the two of you were children. You shook your head as you took Coriolanus' hands off your face. You took a step back from Coriolanus, ready to leave again when he spoke.

"Can't do what, my love? What is bothering you?" Coriolanus pleaded with you, but you just shook your head.

"I can't say, I'm sorry." You spoke, turning to leave as more tears poured out of your eyes.

Coriolanus refused to return to the ceremony without you. He couldn't fathom going back in the eye of the public without you by his side. He arrived home a couple of minutes after you, seeing you hanging up your coat when he walked in.

"Please talk to me, y/n." He spoke, a defeated tone. He wanted nothing more than to take you into his arms while you confided in him, like normal. But, he could tell something was different this time. "Why can't you tell me? Do you not trust me?" Coriolanus spoke again his voice soft as you could hear it breaking.

"It's not about trust, Corio. I'm scared." You confessed. Coriolanus, his usual composure shattered, felt a lump forming in his throat. The weight of his wife's fear bore down on him. Coriolanus had never realized that his wife harbored such deep-seated anxieties.

"Scared? Scared of what?" Coriolanus questioned, taking a couple steps towards where you stood in the entryway. It was when he got closer to you that he realized you were trembling. You took a deep breath, preparing yourself to share your burdens with Coriolanus.

"Do you remember Sejanus?" You questioned, your voice fragile.

Coriolanus nodded memories of the boy they grew up with flashing in his mind. "Of course I do, what about him?"

"He rebelled against the games, against the system. That's what killed him." You began, your voice shaking as you explained. Understanding dawned on Coriolanus, causing his heart to sink.

"It's that what's been haunting you? You disapprove of the games?" Coriolanus questioned, getting close enough to you to wrap his arms around your waist. You allowed him to, missing the gentle touch of your husband.

"Yes, I do. But I was scared, that if I said something I would end up like Sejanus. Scared that I would be killed." You spoke, breaking down into sobs once more, resting your head on Coriolanus' chest.

Coriolanus felt guilty for not realizing what was going on sooner. You had always been so supportive in his times of need but the time you needed him he failed to realize. Coriolanus brought a hand to rest on your back as he drew small circles, hoping to soothe you. Coriolanus had another horrifying realization as he attempted to soothe you, you feared for your life under his rule. Coriolanus hooked his fingers underneath your chin, bringing your eyes to meet his.

"My love, I swear to, I would never let any harm come to you. No one will ever hurt you so long as I am in power. I cannot bear the thought of you living in fear." Coriolanus spoke, his own voice choked with emotion. He wished he could erase the fear that you'd felt.

"But, Sejanus was our friend, his dad was wealthy, and he was still killed. What if something-" You started to speak again but Coriolanus cut you off.

"I cannot change what happened in the past, but I can change what will happen in the future. I'm going to find a way to change things, to put an end to this. I will end the games, they've caused too much pain. I won't lose you over the games. No harm will come to you, I swear it." Coriolanus finished, you felt comforted by his vows, and you knew he would follow through.

Coriolanus pulled you back into his embrace, allowing your tears to stain his shirt. His own tears fell silently, a mixture of sorrow for Sejanus, guilt for his role in the games, and the deep love that he held for you. At that moment he realized the games had not only taken a toll on the Districts but on himself.

As Coriolanus held you he vowed to himself that he would do whatever it took to ensure a safer Panem for you. The games had taken so much from him and he was determined to salvage what remained.

[comma-tose]

I think the whole thing about Fiona being Felix's favourite is really interesting solely because from her perspective she wasn't. Like at all.

When Felix betrays them and steals the money not only does he talk to her as if this is a lesson he's teaching her, saying that this is the only way to make her understand not to trust anyone, but the last thing he tells her to do is to take care of Sasha. Not to look after herself or to stay safe, but to protect Sasha.

It's also especially interesting with the gifts he gives both of them. Now obviously gifts aren't equivalent to love but the intentions behind it do matter. His gift to Sasha was freedom from harm and from the worst kind of consequence (death), his gift to Fiona was limitations, endangerment, and being forced to stick to his teachings.

Both of Fiona's gifts are a lesson, literally restricting what she can do and putting her at risk so that she sticks by Felix's teaching that she can always talk her way out of more situations than she can shoot her way out of.

He gives her a sleeve pistol sure but he only gives her a single bullet, and then later on when they find his stash she gets an elemental upgrade to the gun and one more bullet. But the upgrade is rigged to burn out after each shot, increasing the risk that Fiona will just get killed by any of the bandits or creatures roaming Pandora. Athena is the one who has to give Fiona bullets and to modify the gun, to remove the elemental burnout which was intentionally added by Felix as "training wheels", despite the fact Fiona has always been a better shot than Sasha, as said by Sasha herself.

And then you get to what he gives Sasha, while at first both Fiona and Sasha think it's just a sentimental pocket watch, it gets revealed that it's literally built to bring Sasha back from the brink of DEATH. And if you go by Debt or Alive, it's a watch containing an ancient alien crystal (god knows where he got that), that is supposed to repeatedly heal any injury Sasha gets and bring her back to life if she dies.

His gift to Fiona was a gun with two bullets that he intentionally rigged to burn out to "teach her" to not use it too much (on Pandora of all places???), and his gift to Sasha was the cure to death itself. No matter how grateful Fiona was that Sasha had that when she needed it there must've been some moment where she realised the difference in the gifts they were given and it probably didn't make her feel great.

Something else interesting is when Vallory says that Fiona was Felix's favourite. Both her and Sasha look shocked. Now I don't think that's because either of them assumed Sasha was the favourite or anything, just more that they had no idea that Fiona was supposedly favoured by him. And why would they? I made a post on here a while back about how Fiona is the only one with a bounty in that family, and that she's the one taking the blame for things more. So considering how she's put in that position why would they ever assume she was the favourite?

He seems to treat them both very differently, with him pushing responsibility onto Fiona, putting her in a position where she is made responsible for taking care of Sasha and prioritising her, with his gifts being lessons that endanger Fiona's life when they're rigged to fail. And his treatment of Sasha being more protective, rushing out of the caravan to get to her when the deal goes wrong leading to him getting shot, making sure she has someone taking care of her, and giving her the ability to defy death and just walk off any injury.

That's not to say he didn't love them both because he did, even if some of the stuff he did was dumb as hell. But I think it raises the question of whether Fiona was the favourite because he loved her more or because she was just the one he thought could take more responsibility and didn't need protecting as much. Someone he didn't have to treat like the child they were as much.

Bearing in mind this isn't to argue that she wasn't the favourite because she was, that much was confirmed by both Felix and Vallory. It's more that I doubt Fiona believes that she is, who would after all that?

[woah-were-halfway-there]

The Fight - Pt. 2

Mitchy vs. Auston

A/N: here's the repost of part 2 of the fight! the makeup will be posted again as soon as it's edited. :)

word count: 3.9k

So much was happening in Auston’s brain as he parked his car and turned off the ignition. His mind was racing, but at the centre of all the thoughts, was Carson.

Auston had barely slept the night before. His mind was racing too much. Rest only came after he took some melatonin, but even that couldn’t prevent the anxiety-driven nightmare about Carson that woke him up in a cold sweat. Then that panicked feeling worsened when it felt like his heart sunk to the pit of his stomach upon remembering she wasn’t asleep beside him. That was around three in the morning and he laid awake for at least another hour, letting his mind continue to race, before, eventually, falling asleep again. He already knew the toll that would take on him when he woke up.

The Leafs had a practice that day, and Auston knew he’d have to face the team, staff and media in person for the first time since news of him being charged for an incident in Arizona months prior broke the day before. He knew addressing the media and those he hadn’t spoken to the day prior about the issue would be a challenge, but that wasn’t the only thing eating away at him.

Carson found out about the charge like mostly everyone else did, the news. She had no idea anything had happened because neither Auston nor his family shared that information with her.

When Auston and his family returned to Toronto for Carson’s university graduation in June and when she went to stay with her boyfriend in Arizona for most of the summer after, nothing was ever said to her. She stayed in Arizona for over a month. That was when Auston asked her to move in with him in Toronto once they both returned at the end of summer. So, when news of her boyfriend of almost three years being criminally charged was shared all over the news, and Carson had no idea about it, she was completely blindsided.

The entire incident led to a fight between Carson and Auston. A big fight. And despite the two of them always being the type to work hard on cooling down so they could calmly talk to each other when things were tense, this was entirely different. Carson felt betrayed and conflicted about whether or not she could trust Auston because, in her mind, he would’ve told her about the charge if he trusted her too.

Their fight ended with Carson packing a bag and leaving the condo. Given how upset she was, Carson didn’t even know where she was going from there, which worried Auston. Luckily, it wasn’t long before he got a text from Mitch saying she was safe at his and Steph’s place and would be staying with them. Auston knew he was in no position to ask questions, so he thanked Mitch for letting him know and gave up trying to contact Carson for the night as he remained surrounded by constant memories of her in their shared condo alone.

Auston sent Carson a text that morning and debated on trying to call again after getting no response but decided that probably wasn’t the best idea if she was so obviously avoiding him. The thought of that was enough to shatter his heart completely.

Knowing there wasn’t much more he could do about the situation, Auston sighed and exited his car before heading into the training facility for practice.

Apart from some brief hellos and head nods to staff and teammates, Auston was quiet as he dressed for practice and kept to himself. He didn’t have much to say because he was embarrassed, ashamed and sad. After his fight with Carson the day before, he spent most of the evening talking to management about the predicament. Although it wasn’t ideal for anyone involved, they gave him some guidance. That was enough to make him feel more at ease about going to practice, but it did nothing to help him feel like his world wasn’t crashing down because of what happened with Carson.

When Auston walked through the doors so he could head to the rink, it didn’t take long for him to notice Mitch out there already. Something shifted in Auston’s mood upon seeing Mitch because he thought that maybe he’d get an update on Carson or told that perhaps she said something. But he soon realized that may not be the case.

“Mitch, hey,” Auston greeted as he stepped on the ice. Mitch continued skating towards him, made eye contact, but didn’t say anything as he continued past Auston, acting like he wasn’t even there.

Auston watched him go and shook his head, feeling stunned.

“What was that about?” Mo asked as he and Willy approached from behind.

“Yeah, Mitchy seems pissed,” Willy chimed in, not knowing what had happened the day before. “Did something happen between you two?”

“It’s a long story,” Auston sighed. “Has to do with Carson, though.”

“Ahh, I see. Well, I’m sure whatever it is will be fine in the end,” Willy said before skating off, but Mo hung around and looked at Auston with an unreadable expression.

“Auston, what the hell happened?” He pressed once Willy was out of earshot. “Mitch said Carson is staying with him and Steph. Didn’t she just move in with you? Did you two break up or something?”

“No! No, we didn’t. At least, I hope we didn’t. I just- everything is a mess right now.”

“I’d say so, yeah. I know what she means to you. That’s why I’m shocked. What happened? Mitch was fuming earlier but wouldn’t say why and for us to ask you, so we all assumed Carson was involved. I’m also assuming it has to do with the news that broke yesterday.”

“Yeah,” Auston admitted. “I, um, I didn’t tell her about the charge. She was still here when it happened, and I just… decided not to tell her about it.”

“Like, at all?”

“No. She found out about it yesterday when the news broke.”

“Oh, my god Auston,” Mo groaned. “You’re an idiot. How could you keep something like that from her?”

“Because I was embarrassed,” Auston replied. “I didn’t want her to be ashamed of me and made the mistake of thinking that if I didn’t tell her, she wouldn’t find out, and it could all be avoided. It was stupid of me, I know. When she came home yesterday, she was upset and hurt. Understandably so. And we had a fight. A big fight that wasn’t resolved. It ended with her packing a bag and leaving. She went to Mitch and Steph’s, and I haven’t heard from her since.”

Mo sighed.

“And I take it you’ve tried reaching out?”

“Of course, I have. I love her, Mo. I don’t want things to be like this, but it’s my fault this happened.”

“Yeah, that’s not ideal,” Mo said, nodding as he glanced over where Mitch was doing a puck-handling drill. “No wonder Mitchy is pissed. I would be, too, if that were my relative. Let alone my best friend.”

“I know, it’s a mess,” Auston repeated, then huffed. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t think there’s much you can do,” Mo told him honestly. “Carson has every right to be upset with you, and I know it’s not exactly a helpful thing to say, but you’re going to have to be patient as she navigates this. I know you will because you love her, but you also can’t blame Mitch for being upset with you too. That’s his cousin. His twin. I know you’re his friend too, but he’ll always be on Carson’s side, and you hurt her. I just hope you can keep those issues away from the team.”

“I plan to. I just want to talk to him about it all, but that doesn’t need to be here.”

“Alright. And Auston, we’re here if you need someone to talk to. But come on. Practice is going to start in a few.”

Auston nodded and watched Mo as he skated off, but he didn’t necessarily feel better. He then took a few strides and was soon face to face with Freddie, who was skating from centre ice and heading toward his goalie crease.

“You ok?” Fred asked as he approached Auston, wanting to check in with his friend since he already knew about everything that had happened.

“Trying to be,” Auston told him as they passed each other. Freddie nodded in response and reached over to pat Auston’s shoulder as he went by.

Soon enough, a whistle blew, indicating the start of practice. Everyone, minus the goalies, gathered at centre ice to listen to the drills they’d be going over in prep for their preseason game against Montreal that evening.

Auston was one of the first ones there and patiently waited for the others to join, remaining silent as he did so. However, a moment passed, and someone bumped Auston from behind aggressively. Instead of a usual accidental bump, this had force and caught Auston off guard enough that he lost his footing and almost fell. However, he managed to regain his balance, and much to his surprise, he saw Mitch skate past him as if nothing had happened as he crossed the circle to stand on the other side of it.

“My bad,” Mitch muttered as he went, not sounding apologetic, causing Auston to let out an aggravated sigh. He knew this was going to be a long practice.

Auston felt beat once practice concluded about an hour later and was even more exhausted thinking about how he’d have to talk to the media. But, Auston knew he couldn’t do much and shook his head before slowly leaving the ice.

However, he didn’t make it very far when a puck suddenly whizzed right past him, a little too close for comfort, and crashed loudly into the nearby boards. Auston quickly whipped around, wondering where the puck came from but paused when he saw only Mitch standing there.

Mitch’s expression remained cold and hard as he skated up to Auston, but he didn’t say anything as he brushed past, shoving Auston with his shoulder as he went by.

That was enough to push Auston’s annoyance over the edge.

“Mitch, what the hell?” Auston snapped before skating after his teammate and getting in his face once Mitch turned back around. “You’ve been acting like a child towards me all morning, so why don’t you just say what your problem is?”

“You’re my problem,” Mitch stated firmly as he shoved Auston, creating space between them. “And I don’t know why you’re acting like you don’t know why I’m pissed off.”

Auston shoved back, which escalated into the two men having a small brawl while their teammates watched in shock from around the rink.

“I know it has to do with Carson, but why don’t you man up and tell me why instead of being annoying.”

“I don’t have to tell you shit.”

The two continued pushing each other, and their altercation gradually became more aggressive. It was apparent neither wanted to harm the other, but they were both very frustrated. Mitch eventually tried tripping Auston and pushing him down onto the ice, which was almost successful until Auston quickly regained his balance, gave Mitch a death glare and spun them around, resulting in him putting Mitch into a headlock.

“Just tell me why you’re mad!” Auston yelled while Mitch tried to shove him off.

“Because you promised me you wouldn’t hurt her,” Mitch finally spat, which caused Auston to freeze and loosen his hold. Mitchy quickly maneuvered out of the headlock and shoved Auston once again before skating backwards a bit so they could face each other. “You promised me you wouldn’t hurt Carson, I trusted you, and now she’s on my couch bawling her eyes out because of you.”

Auston felt defeated hearing those words. It was the first update he’d been given about Carson since their fight the day before. Knowing how upset she was and that he was the reason why was one of the worst feelings in the world.

Auston wanted to respond but was interrupted.

“Hey, idiots!” The voice called out, causing Mitch and Auston to snap their attention to its source.

On the other side of the boards stood Mo, and he looked pissed. He was the only guy from the team still out there with them, aside from Johnny, who was waiting by the entrance to the dressing room. Everyone else must’ve made their exit while they were fighting.

“Are we children?” Mo asked while shaking his head. “You two need to grow the fuck up and figure your shit out. Mitch, I understand you’re mad, but this isn’t how to handle it. And Auston, try thinking about and acknowledging that you fucked up for once. Maybe that’ll help when it comes to Carson even considering giving you a chance again. Regardless, neither of you is welcome to join the rest of us until you figure your shit out and can at least be civil with one another again. You’re lucky there’s no one from the media in here right now. Morons.”

Mo then slammed the door of the boards shut and started walking away, the sound echoing around the rink until it faded into an uncomfortable silence as Mitch and Auston glanced at each other again. Finally, after a moment, Auston gave in and spoke up.

“How is she?” He asked, genuinely wanting to know how Carson was and hoping he’d be given an answer.

Mitch’s expression softened for the first time Auston had seen that day, and he felt hopeful about having a normal conversation with his friend.

“Not good,” Mitch stated and let out a breath. “She took a mental health day off work today and is off Friday, so I doubt she’ll go into the office tomorrow either. She’s still doing some work from my place, but she said she didn’t have it in her to go to the office. I think she might go to Vancouver on Friday to see Mya and her dad for the weekend. That or go to Montreal and see Nate. She keeps saying she needs to get out of the city.”

“Fuck,” Auston responded while taking his helmet off and stressfully pushing his hand through his hair. He hated the idea that his stupidity was negatively affecting Carson so much. “I fucked up. I didn’t think I could fuck up this bad, but I did.”

“Well, yeah, I’d say so.”

There was a hint of sarcasm to Mitch’s tone, which didn’t go unmissed by Auston, but instead of responding, he skated towards the bench and motioned for Mitch to join so the two of them could sit down and continue talking.

Mitch followed after him without putting up a fight and spoke again once they sat down.

“How’re you holding up?” Mitch asked, showing that even though he was pissed off, he still cared about his friend.

“I’ve been better,” Auston admitted. “Didn’t sleep much last night.”

“I was going to say you look like shit.”

“Thanks, I feel it too.”

The two of them chuckled for a moment before falling silent again.

“I’m sorry I shot pucks at you,” Mitch said, breaking the silence.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Auston told him. “I deserved it. I’m sorry I put you in a headlock.”

“Yeah, that move should be illegal. How did nobody call that?”

“Beats me,” Auston stated, chuckling again, but that faded when he glanced down at his gloves and saw the “CB <3” written on the inner white part of them. It was Carson’s initials and a small heart he had written there a few days prior during a different practice day. Before their fight and before, he felt a void simply at just the thought of her. “Mitchy, I didn’t want to hurt her. I would never. You know how much I love her.”

“I do,” Mitch stated while nodding. “I know she means the world to you, and that’s why I believe you when you say that you don’t want to hurt her. But you hid something big from her, Auston. Carson’s your partner. You shouldn’t feel like you need to hide things from her no matter what they are.”

“It’s not that I felt like I couldn’t tell her,” Auston explained. “I just- I was embarrassed about the charge and why it happened. I was drunk and stupid, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I thought if Carson knew, she’d be disappointed in me. Or ashamed. I never thought it would lead to this.”

Mitch nodded in understanding.

“But consider it from her perspective. She loves you, Auston. I’m sure this would’ve caught her off guard regardless of when she found out, but finding it out from you instead of the news would’ve been a thousand times better. And then there’s how you asked your family to keep it from her too. That made Carse feel like an outsider, which was tough for her because they always welcomed her. She feels like you don’t trust her.”

“I do trust her, Mitchy. I trust her with everything I have. She’s always the one I want to come home to, which is why I asked her to move in with me. She is home. My home. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m going through, as long as I know I get to go back to her, I know everything will be ok. God, I miss her. And if I lose her over this, I- I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I don’t know if it means anything to hear this from me,” Mitch started. “But I don’t think Carson wants to break up, not over this. She’s hurt, and she needs time to figure that out. The thing is that she’s not sure if she can still trust you. She doesn’t want to feel like you’ll continue hiding things from her, but she does right now. Please don’t take this the wrong way because I know this is not the same, and I would like to think you’d never treat her that way, but I think this reminds her of when she was with her ex. Chris lied and gaslit her for most of their relationship, and I know you’re nothing like that piece of shit and would never hurt Carson the way he did. She knows that too. But can you blame her for feeling conflicted?”

“Not at all,” Auston sighed in defeat. “I hate that I caused this. What can I do to fix this?”

“I know. And just be patient, Tone. Give her time and space. Carson feels a lot of things, and you’ve always been patient with her as she figured those feelings out. So don’t let this be any different. Do I think this is the end of your guys’ relationship? No. And I really hope it isn’t. But Carse has to determine if she can trust you after this, and only she can decide what she wants.”

“You’re right. It’s so hard because I only want to tell her how sorry I am. That I miss her, love her and wish she’d come home. I tried calling her again this morning, but she didn’t answer. Not that I expected her to. I just hoped she would. If I’m giving her space, I should stop doing that. It’s probably overwhelming and not helping but fuck. I want her to know she’s all I’m thinking about.”

“It’s not going to be easy, but it’s really all you can do,” Mitch explained sympathetically.

“I know,” Auston replied. “It just sucks. But Mitchy, thank you for looking out for Carson. I at least know I don’t have to worry about her when she has you and Steph there for her.”

“She’s got a lot of great people looking out for her. You know she’s in good hands. Also, although you deserve it, I will warn you that Lexie wants to rip your head off. She and Carson were on the phone this morning, and yeah, Steph said she heard her say something about planning your death and making it look like an accident… Lexie can be…”

“Terrifying, I know.”

“I was going to say ‘a lot,’ but yeah, that too. She means well, though. I’m surprised you haven’t heard from her yet.”

“I’m sure I will,” Auston laughed and shook his head, thinking about Carson’s fiercely loyal best friend who would have no problem giving him a piece of her mind. “I guess all I can do is wait this out and hope for the best, as you said. And what about us, Mitch? We good?”

“We’re good,” Mitchy answered, nudging Auston with his shoulder. “I trust you with her, Auston. I know this is as hard on you as it is on her, and I’m sorry I took how I was feeling about it all out on you without listening to what you had to say.”

“I deserved it, and I understand. She’s your twin. You’ll always be in her corner.”

��Yes, but that doesn’t mean I’m not in your corner either. I’m rooting for you both and know you two are better together than apart.”

“Thanks, Mitchy,” Auston said, smiling as comfortable silence fell between them. “Think they’ll let us into the dressing room now so we can get dressed and get out of here?”

“I think so,” Mitchy responded. “Mo and Freddie are eavesdropping, so they know we’re good.”

Auston looked towards the doors that led to the dressing room, and sure enough, Mo and Freddie were standing there.

“We are not!” Mo defended but then shut up quickly. He knew his saying something proved that he and Fred could hear the other two from where they stood. “Ok, well, maybe. But I was ready to step in if you two started fighting again.”

“If it’s any consolation, I’m also rooting for Carson and Auston,” Freddie said. “I gave Auston shit last night when he told me what happened.”

“I’m rooting for them, too,” Mo grumbled, walking back towards the doors. “You two have regained your dressing room privileges.”

“Oh, thank God,” Auston said dramatically and stood up quickly, Mitch not far behind him as they started walking. “I can’t wait to shower. I don’t think I’m ready to face the media about any of this, though. Especially cause I can’t stop thinking about Carson.”

“You got this,” Mitch assured him. “It won’t be fun, but you can do it. They don’t know about the Carson stuff, and they won’t know. It’s not their business. Just address everything else. It’s all you can do.”

“You’re right. When they ask hard questions or things I don’t want to answer, Carson always tells me to take a breath and remind myself that after I give them an answer, the conversation is over, and we can all move on. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s important to remain level-headed and respond thoughtfully. I definitely need to do that right now.”

“Yes, take Carson’s advice, and then once you’re done, you can go home.”

Auston nodded in response and focused on how Mitch was right, he just had to do this, and then he could leave.

The two of them went their separate ways to get changed out of their gear and shower before each doing media. Auston knew it’d be tough addressing everything that was going on, minus his personal life, in front of all those cameras and people, but he did it. Afterwards, he went home, and, despite still struggling with the thought of Carson not being there, he did feel better after his talk with Mitch.