eggcats

[eggcats]

ever since i learned that the flap of a butterfly’s wing could cause a hurricane on the other side of the earth, ive been doing nothing but nursing rare and endangered species of butterflies back to health. fuck the other side of the earth

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you already know

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people: cats are independent they don't love or need you like dogs

my cat, seeing me sitting down: it's free real-estate

me, trying to shove him off: NO I'M (insert whatever I'm currently using my lap for)

my cat, even more determined: I SAID. IT'S. FREE. REAL-ESTATE

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Me, age 10, doing an essay on the pharoah’s curse for school: huh. So this archeologist that died and everyone thought it was because he disturbed the pharoah’s tomb actually died because he used a rusty razor to shave and it infected a mosquito bite. I can see how people could come to that conclusion, but it is a bit silly

Me, today, shaving my mosquito bite-ridden legs: I must tread carefully lest I incur the pharoah’s wrath

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I think we all know the winner is either gonna be RadioSilence or StaticMoth, but I wanna do this anyway (Yes I'm counting all the RadioStatic variants as different ships, fight me)

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hey do you think ronald mcdonald is a dom or sub. i sent this before but im not sure if you got it or not

yeah i got it last time

[eggcats]

I was thinking in the Housewife AU, but honestly it works with any established radiostatic with pre-canon.

Everyone thinks Vox is some weak sinner that Alastor tolerates and keeps like a pet. After all, he's so easy to kidnap!

Sure, the Radio Demon will show up and rip everyone to shreds to rescue his television-headed damsel, but it's not like VOX is any kind of threat.

So, one time, Vox gets kidnapped. Not too unusual.

Except when Alastor shows up to rescue him. He's injured. Vox’s kidnappers took many, many, MANY precautions to try to take the Radio Demon by surprise and got lucky enough to stab him with an angelic weapon.

So, Alastor's injured. Potentially tied up too, now, or even out cold entirely. The kidnappers were very thorough and Alastor might have been a bit sloppy and overconfident of the outcome.

They don't realize that they've made an even bigger mistake by taking Alastor out and leaving Vox conscious.

See, when Alastor takes everyone down, he does so violently and with bloodshed. But that's about it. He's mostly focused on "rescuing" his silly little picture box and reuniting with him to really focus too much on the killing part. For once, that's not the biggest draw.

Vox, however, isn't distracted now. He's getting kidnapped because he likes being "rescued," he likes having all of Alastor's attention on him to "save" him, and he REALLY likes the aftermath where Alastor makes sure to fuck him senseless claim him so he forgets anyone's touch but his.

But by not only taking Alastor out of the equation but HARMING him in the process, Vox no longer has any reason to pretend to be kidnapped. So he stops.

Suddenly, all the power cuts out. The lights are off. Any screens present start flickering, drawing any unsuspecting eyes so Vox can take over their minds. The floor becomes electric. But not deadly - that's an important distinction. He doesn’t want them to DIE. Just to suffer. To obey his every command. To beg for anything to make the torture stop. And he will! For nothing much. Just their souls. So he can keep them under his thumb, control their every move, and make them absolutely regret the day they thought they could hurt Alastor on his watch.

Finally, with souls in hand, Vox finally kills them. They'll regenerate, after all!

And he gently picks up Alastor and/or helps him stand, and leaves with him so they can go home.

If Alastor’s unconscious, he carries him. If he's awake, Vox helps him walk, holding most of his body weight.

Either way, at some point Alastor apologizes for "ruining Vox's fun" and offers to continue the roleplay anyway (he can ignore being injured if it's for Vox, after all).

Vox tells him not to be ridiculous and that they'll be resting at home with him caring for him, until Alastor is better. Quietly, Vox vows to himself to pay better attention to whatever the bozos who capture him have planned to prevent this from ever happening again.

And so, suddenly, all of hell realizes that the television-headed sinner who entertains them on the daily news and who the Radio Demon is uncommonly fond of - is actually just as much of a threat. He just hides it better. Image is everything, after all, and his image is meant to instill trust.

Vox has only ever appeared weak because it helps sinners trust and underestimate him - and he likes the feeling of being a damsel in distress. But don't be fooled - he's not actually one.

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New contender for funniest tumblr ad I've personally received

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does weighted clothing work or is Rock Lee a liar

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It's a little surprising that the "Monday's child is fair of face" nursery rhyme never caught on as an arbitrary personality-assigner in the same way astrology did. It makes the same amount of sense.

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usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

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my stepfather stopped the mail to his house bc they were going away despite me dropping by to check on the cats so now my fidget toy and any books that arrived are being held hostage at the post office 😭

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the way that this is so Staticmoth/StaticDoll/PolyVees coded

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this is your captain speaking. do you guys remember 9/11 [escalating clamor of passengers freaking out] woah woah hey hey i was just curious. christ. am i not allowed to make conversation

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we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!