#the fault was mine. this all happened because of my actions and no one elses.

[ventcode]

i cant even sleep. this is bad. just caught up in my own thoughts.

[ask-the-archs]

Hello, my little travellers, it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me directly… or do I call you my questiers? It is so hard to remember at times… ah, no matter. It has been a while since you both have been conscious, so maybe now it is time for you to awaken…

🔆Who are you?🔆

I am me, the person behind the words on a screen that makes your stories. Though I have stories of my own that I live through, so I am not the end, nor can anyone truly be the end, nor should they.

🔆But why us? Why me?🔆

Because it was not meant to be your ends, not permanently, at least. In all honesty, I needed a break from writing your quests, your stories, your good and bad times.

I am sure that you, Apollo, will remember those times when things didn’t quite make full sense, not coherently, at least.

I am sure that you remember a time when you were called differently, and did not correct anyone for a long time.

I am sure that you remember parents who only loved you after you died.

I am sure that you remember inventing life in your own way, with Sionnach, Ean and even Flicker.

I am sure that you remember what happened up until it all stopped. Up until your world, your version of existence ground to a halt.

🔆I… how do you… what about them?🔆

They will not remember anything from before this, a blessing and a curse. They have not had rest for as long as you in their infinitely longer existence. Not that that is wholly not my fault, but sometimes the words on a screen become animated into something slightly more than just characters. You change and morph and move into your own beings, and tend to gain the attention of more beings on my level of existence.

“Why do you care what happens to us?”

You are my stars come to life, your stories are based in truths I have experienced, and truths others have experienced. Your pain, joy, grief, suffering, sadness and everything else are all based in some truths.

I care because you are mine, your stories, your very existence is mine to tell and twist and rework.

I care because I am one of the beings watching over your universe and I created you both out of love, to give love.

I care because I am the one who gave you life as you knew it, and the one who took your lives away to give your souls a break.

I care because you are light itself, the guidance and the bringer of day respectively.

I care because you are yourselves, and that, in itself, is enough for me to care for you.

“But what if you’re wrong?”

What do you think I am wrong about, little travelling questier?

“What if I fail at all you said is my fate?”

Then I am wrong, and you fail. There is nothing wrong with failing, it means you tried.

But the universe truly loves you, little travelling questier.

🔆But what of me? Is anything as I once knew it to be?🔆

Some things have stayed similar, though you will be interacting with new people more often than not. The universe is cruel, even to the ones it loves, but it does also love you, Apollo.

There are some things that neither of you will be able to understand just yet, and there will be memories that remain just out of reach for both of you.

“Both of us?”

Yes, both of you, bright star.

“Why are you calling me that?”

You are the personification of the first star of the night, the star of guidance and hope, but you are also called many other things. Gabriel is one of them, in the universe you are from.

“What gained me that name?”

You are the hero of your god, which gave you that for a name. It is a good name because you are a good person.

“What makes me a person, let alone a good one?”

Because you are words on a screen.

Because you are actions in a world that you made your own.

Because you are alive and dead and nothing and everything.

You are a person because you exist as you are and as you were, and you are good because you are you.

You are the first star of the night, the orienter and guider, the guardian of all of those who happen to be in your radius. You are Gabriel.

But when you awaken, you will not remember who you used to know, who you used to love. You will not remember your partner or parent or siblings or family, you will not even remember you had such a thing.

🔆Is that not mean? For them to know they had all of that but not remember?🔆

It is as it is, my questier.

🔆How come they get a nickname beyond that?🔆

Because you have moved far beyond the base title I gave you as a nerdy questier, and because they will always remain a traveller at heart, even when they are unable to act on it.

But now, it has been long enough that I have held you away from your world, your lives, your journeys.

Now, you are both going to be alive, and you are not going to be the same as you were.

Now, you know that the universe loves you, and that you are loved.

Now, you are aware that you are words on a screen.

Now, you are aware that your lives, your words, your thoughts and feelings and actions, are being watched over by many of my friends.

Now, you are going to awaken and find a new normal, away from the maker of your quests.

.

.

.

Wake Up.

.

.

.

*Two figures of light, one completely white, while the other is made of a rainbow of colours, but mainly blue and green, appear in Lucifer’s throne room.*

(Open RP starter!

@aspenvelaz , @king--of--ducks , @the-very-nerdy-blogger , @the-0verseer-watches , @penguinmaster9999 , @headlessdeaddancer , @featheryhoe , @bigdoginthesky )

(🔆Apollo🔆 can be found @apollo-and-co )

[kyber-crystal]

scarlet ibis (songbird) || anakin skywalker

summary: they say the purest love takes the longest time, and your story is nothing short of that. there’s fragility within beauty and to him, you’re a mosaic of stained glass (alt title: 5 times you call anakin skywalker by his last name, and 1 time you finally call him by his first.)

words: ~3.2k

warnings: angst, mild violence, mentions of blood + death (but no major character death dw), two oblivious idiots in love

a/n: 2nd place fic from my mini poll! not my best work LOL, but i think this is one of my favorite fics i've written (so far). i've had this in drafts for about a year or so as well...

one

It was safe to say that even a nanosecond of interacting with Anakin Skywalker made your blood boil. 

He knew just how to push all your buttons and you hated it. How could one person exist for seemingly one purpose only—to piss you off—you didn’t understand it and weren’t sure if you ever would. “Loyal Jedi” my ass. 

If you were the first person to speak up during meetings, he was also the first to counter your points and shoot you down. If you were late to meals in the mess hall, he took the last roll of bread, so you’d have to wait an extra half hour for more to come out. If you were dueling together, he would always point out every microscopic flaw in your technique. You were sure that your head would explode at any moment by his existence alone.

This is so ridiculous—you’re ridiculous.

“You know I can hear you, right?” Anakin glanced at you in his peripheral vision. “Don’t be mad because my plan worked, and yours didn’t. There’s this thing called accepting defeat.”

“Just because I don’t do things the way you do doesn’t mean they’re wrong.”

“They’re not wrong, but they’re not safe. You can’t declare safety compromisation a success. There’s a clear difference between the two.”

You scoffed. “Since when did you, out of all people, account for safety?”

“I should be asking you the same thing.”

“You’re not answering my question.”

“And you’re not answering mine, either.” He reaches behind his ear and turns his comms on. “Now are we going to head home or what?” 

“Aye aye, General,” you responded sarcastically, rolling your eyes. “Let’s embark on the journey of a lifetime.” 

Awkward silence pierces the air like a dozen tiny needles, but you’ll take it over arguing with a wall any day. You knew what you were fighting for and why. You were confident in your actions and believed you always stood on the right side. 

Except, he didn’t. 

It was a quick two day recon and you got the job done in half the allotted time. In and out faster than you could blink. Of course, Anakin would find fault in that one way or another…and he did. You got caught as you were escaping…dragging the mission duration out by an extra day.

Granted, you were only delayed by a few hours, but it was enough to upset him. You couldn’t even feel the ropes digging into your wrists after hour two, anyway. But from the moment he broke in and saw the first speck of blood on you, a look of fury flashed across his eyes. I’d be surprised if he had even half a heart under all that thick skin, you grumbled to yourself. He’ll slice at anything that moves. 

“You know—” Anakin’s voice breaks through the tension-filled air. He wants to say something else, but the words get stuck in the back of his throat and his tongue goes numb.

“I don’t care.” You pick at your scabbing wounds, not caring that they’re starting to sting and peel all over again. Before he can catch you doing so, you tug your sleeves over them and grit your teeth. “We got the job done, Skywalker, that’s all that matters.”

two

Maybe it was time to stop trying to commit mass murder on the punching bags. They weren’t going to do anything except break after two minutes of merciless attacks. 

Hopefully…you wouldn’t get in trouble for the glass vase that happened to get in your path. Nobody ever bothered to wander to the west wing of the Temple often enough to notice, anyway.

As you clenched and unclenched your fists, the cracks in your knuckles slowly started to stretch out like thin, red spiderwebs. The dots of brilliant ruby seemed to glitter among the pristine flooring—almost like they were meant to be there from the start. 

With every shard you threw away, the cracks and fury dug themselves further into your skin, threatening to explode.

You didn’t even need to look up afterward to know his scalding gaze was on you again.  

“Are you trying to get an infection?”

“Fuck off.”

He ignored your biting reply and kneeled down to clean up the mess. Once he was done, he stood back up and grabbed you by the wrist, leading you down the hall to his quarters.

As soon as he sat you down at the edge of his bed, you shot him a death glare. “What in Force’s name is your problem?”

“My problem,” Anakin replied, “is that you’re about to bleed all over the place. Let me help.”

“I don’t need fixing, Skywalker,” you snapped. “It’s just a cut.”

Anakin raised a brow at you, then looked down at your hands. “Too bad, I think you do. Broken glass will buryinto places you don’t expect.”

“Then you’re severely underestimating what I’m capable of. So let me go,” you snapped, jerking your wrist out of his grip. You unfortunately did this too fast, and hissed in pain as a result. “I’m fine.”

Sighing, the young Jedi reaches for the bacta pads next to him and works carefully to patch you up. He pretends not to notice the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. Or the way you pick at the skin by your thumb, or the way your left foot taps the floor in a nervous rhythm. He pretends not to notice everything you do, but you’re everywhere. It frustrates him because he can’t escape. 

“Why do I have a feeling that exterminating the centuries-old vase of magic and splendor wasn’t in your original plan?”

“I was,” your voice wavers, fingers twitching. He notices this, too. “Leave me be.”

Shadows of the late afternoon light dance across the bridge of your nose, and he lets himself stare for a bit longer than normal. And…being who you two are, neither of you realize the fact.  

“You can go now, if you want,” he finally says after the sun begins descending into the horizon. “But make sure not to overexert yourself again.”

You don’t move. You stay there; quietly sitting in the middle of his room with glistening cheeks. Anakin doesn’t bother asking you to leave a second time. 

A fallen angel trapped in an endless prison; a halo and fractured wings that rendered her unable to fly. And yet, amidst all that death and despair, nothing could mar her beauty.

He feels those same little spiderwebs running through his palms, and he feels them shorten. Just a little bit.

three

The halls of the Temple were eerily quiet early in the morning. You would expect more Jedi to be up before the sun rose, but today, all activity had seemed to stop. Gathering the ends of your cloak into your arms, you made a careful climb up onto the rooftops to watch the sunrise. 

It seemed like you weren’t the only one who had this in mind, though.

“The hell are you doing at this hour?” 

“I could ask you the same exact thing,” Anakin replied as he stood up and turned around to face you. “You’re going to fall.” 

“I’m fine, don’t—” You let out a small squeak as you lose your footing and slip. Luckily, though, he catches you in time by wrapping an arm around your waist and holding on tight. Fire shoots through your veins at the feeling of him pressed up against you. “Let go of me, Skywalker!”

Once he leads you to where you can get more stable footing, he lets you go. But even then, there’s a hand that hovers over the small of your back. 

Brilliant bursts of sunlight stream over the horizon and wash over the world in pale red and pink. It stops you from saying something snarky to Anakin because you’re speechless at the breathtaking sight above. 

“I have…something for you,” he clears his throat. “—And don’t hit me. I’m not trying to poison you.” 

“Okay…?”

He reaches into his cloak pocket and pulls out what appears to be jewelry of some kind. 

“How many innocent beings did you kill to get this? Please don’t tell me it was smuggled. Or that you robbed someone for it. I can’t keep something like that.” 

“Y/N.” 

“What?”

“Do you…like it?”

You paused and took one good look at the necklace in his hand. It had to be the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in all twenty years of living, and even that was an understatement. A teardrop-shaped, deep vermillion stone encased by tiny, glittering jewels—it was as if he had captured the stormclouds himself. It was perfect—too perfect, almost. 

Your voice came out in a whisper. “It’s so pretty.”

He takes a careful step to stand behind you in response. His fingers brush against your neck as he puts the necklace on, and fireworks explode behind your eyes.

Without another word, you turn towards him and rest your chin on his shoulder. He pulls you closer, and your heart feels a little fuller than before. 

four

The warzone was an ugly place. 

If hell was a real thing, this had to be it. The sky is bleeding red and each burst of lightning splits it further apart, the smell of death swirling around with the debris. Battle droids push forward in a stampede and you try your best to ignore the sickening crunch of bone beneath their metal feet. You squeeze your eyes shut as you tighten your hold around your lightsaber and pray to every god out there in the universe because war was cruel and mean and you just wanted to go home and sleep forever because anything, absolutely anything, was better than the suffering you were having to endure now. 

When the shot originally meant for Anakin hits you in the side, you’re unable to fully comprehend the pain because your brain won’t let you. You force yourself to keep going. Pain was temporary…you’d deal with the aftermath later. You could afford to.

What feels like hours passes by and the gunfire doesn’t stop. The incessant ringing in your ears is something you’ve forced yourself to grow accustomed to. 

“Y/N!” Anakin’s voice manages to cut through the howling winds. “You need to—”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence before a grenade detonates near you and throws you against the walls. A searing pain shoots through your body at the impact and the world tilts on its axis. Scarlet seeps into your tear-stained vision and suddenly, the whole world is drenched in blood.

This was it…

If you were going to die now, it would be as far from pretty as you could possibly get. 

It’s another slow few minutes before he finally finds you slumped against the stone. Somehow, you manage to shoot him a small smile before wincing. “Took you long enough to get here.” 

“You…”

“Oh, wow, I’ve been shot,” you let out a dry laugh, pressing a hand over your wound. The color immediately drained from his face as he saw blood seeping through your fingers. “That’s a whole lot of red.”

He crouches down next to you to assess your state, pressing the commlink in his ear as he does so. “Why is it that you’re always getting hurt?” 

“My middle name is Trouble, that’s why.” You cough, and more red drips down your lips. “Trouble follows me around wherever I go.”

“It’s not fair,” Anakin mumbled under his breath, applying pressure to your torso as you wince again. “I’m supposed to be jumping in front of bullets for you and getting close to being blown up, not the other way around.” 

“I decided that your massive ego needed a little break so I took the workload for you,” you snarked. “Happy now, Skywalker?”

For the first time ever, he doesn’t bite back with an equally sarcastic response. You don’t question it. “No. I’m not.”

The returning journey's dead silent, save for your labored breathing due to your cracked ribs. You try to sit up, but he places a firm hand on your shoulder to keep you from moving. 

“I told you I’m fine—”

“You need to rest,” he exhales, the distress and tiredness evident in his eyes. “Please.”

“Okay…”

Wordlessly, Anakin reaches over to cup his hands over yours and and brings them to his lips. A pleasant sense of warmth overtakes you and you can almost pretend like the ship’s heater isn't broken and you’re melting, little by little. And if you look closer, you can see clusters of galaxies and shooting stars behind his steel blue eyes. The thought alone comforts you and starts to lull you to sleep. 

His eyes shift to the necklace; the gemstone sits still against your sternum as your chest rises and falls. Beauty among chaos. He wonders every day how such stark differences can coexist in a peaceful manner. 

“For what it’s worth,” he murmurs long after you’ve drifted off, “I never really hated you.”

five

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

You placed your hands on your hips as you observed the pitiful scene before you. The Jedi Order could host extravagant events and use expensive artillery and clones, but wouldn’t account for comfortable sleeping accommodations. Making a mental note to politely complain to Master Windu, you let out a long sigh. 

“If I stretch out, I’ll fall off,” Anakin pointed out as he too stared at the small queen bed (you were sure it was a twin, though). 

“I’d fall off, too.”

“You know what…I’ll take the floor. I don’t want to hear you complaining about back pain in the morning.” 

He was about to take his pillow and toss it to the floor before you grabbed his wrist. “Are you nuts? I can’t let you do that.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” 

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know, share the bed without kicking me in the middle of the night?”

Both of you stopped and stared at each other at this. 

“The audacity you have to say that when you’re the kicker…” Anakin began. 

“I’m using the bathroom first.” You pushed past him to go wash up. “Don’t be a bed hog, Skywalker.”

Minutes later, you’re both settled in under the covers and have fallen into a comfortable silence. The only things you can hear are the crickets chirping outside and Anakin’s steady breathing. If you ignored the fact that you were on a mission and crammed into an incredibly tiny motel room, you could imagine that this was a peaceful weekend getaway to some tropical planet. 

You’re the first one to break the silence and speak up. “Do you wonder when the war will end? Or if it’ll end at all?”

“All the time.” He rolls over on his side to face you. “And what I’d do afterwards.”

“Where would you go?”

Anakin hums for a moment before responding. “I don’t know. You?”

“I’d go back to Naboo. To the lakes, where the water is so clear you can see your future, and the roses are redder than your face under the summer sun. Padme would take me there all the time when we were younger.” 

“I think I’d follow you, then.”

“But there’s sand, and lots of it,” you laughed. “Are you sure?”

“I’d be willing to bear its coarse, rough, and irritating qualities for you. Only once, though. I have my limits.”

Your heart warms at the mini confession. “I wish we could just end everything now. Call off the troops, sign a few treaties or something…end the war. I’m tired of the violence and bloodshed. I know everyone else is too.”

“I know.”

Anakin’s hand finds its way into yours, and the tension in your shoulders slowly unravels as your fingers lace with his. 

And all the cracked and bleeding crevices on your skin start healing the longer you lean into his touch. It’s like he has a needle and spool of thread in hand, and he’s slowly but surely stitching you back together. 

plus one

The giant metropolis of Coruscant had gone quiet under blankets of snow—it was a sight unlike any other. You hadn’t seen a speck of snow hit since you stepped foot onto the Jedi Temple as a child. 

You stood alone in the hangar bay with bated breath and reddened, frostbitten fingers. Like you’d dipped them in blood before letting them dry for a bit.. He had to be here any minute now; you didn’t want him to return and not have anyone to welcome him back. So despite the subzero temperatures and barely-healing knuckles, you remained in place. 

When his ship touches down and he hops out with a wide smile, you can feel a giant weight being lifted off your chest. He jogs toward you and brings you in for a crushing embrace, and for once, you finally feel at home. 

“It’s freezing. What are you doing here?” He’s sweating, even though he looks like he should be cold. “You should’ve headed inside.”

“I waited for you, what else would I be doing?”

Anakin grins again and hugs you even tighter. “I missed you. More than anything.” 

Your heart suddenly starts to ache at his admission and that’s when the realization kicks in. “I thought I lost you, Anakin. You could’ve died. I couldn’t sleep for three days after I lost your signal. And yet you’re standing here acting like it’s no big deal because at least you’re alive and in one piece.”

“Y/N…”

A chill runs down your spine and you know in that moment that it has nothing to do with the weather. You knew this wasn’t right; you weren’t supposed to be doing this, but it felt more natural than anything you’d ever done.

That’s when you find an Anakin-shaped shard of glass wedged deep in your heart and you don’t know how it found its way there, but you don’t even bother pulling it out. Glass splinters are supposed to be these jagged, disfigured things, but this one is beautiful and even shines amongst the rubble. It’ll bury its way into places you don’t expect. With the way he fits against your body, you can’t help but feel like he was meant to fill the gaping hole in your heart. So wholly, so perfectly without a single scratch or flaw. 

You look up at him and feel your breath get caught in your throat. Since when did he make you so nervous? 

He’s even closer now and so are you, so you press your mouth to his as if doing so would save you from falling apart. Your brain short-circuits, and as you sink into the sudden burst of warmth you realize you don’t want this to end.

“Took you long enough,” he mumbles against your skin as you pull apart. “I was starting to wonder when…”

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment,” you muttered before bringing your hand to his cheek and kissing him a second time. He doesn’t object and tightens his hold around you, and a fire spreads through you from head to toe. 

“I love you,” Anakin says after a while. “Even though you like sand, and I don’t.”

“I knew that already,” you joked with a smile and close your eyes, taking in a deep breath. “You’re not exactly the most subtle person ever.”

“Neither are you,” he chuckles.

“But I love you too.”

tags, including people who may be interested: @arkofblake @dameronology @fl0ating @voguesir @lady-elena-adeline @aliciaasky @katelynnwrites @freeshavocadoooo @buckysbeloved @kelieah @kaleidoscope1967eyes @lam-ila @unstablecaffeinatedmind @elenavampire21 @joyfullyswimmingface

add yourself to the general taglist/top gun specific taglist !

[eggtartz]

hey, may i request hurt to comfort with mikey, haruchiyo, ran, rin, keisuke and wakasa, where the reader flinches during an argument out of reflex? thank you in advance!

a/n : there's similar ideas already written by @kshira and @muichu check out their works too!

masterlist

mikey

"gosh mikey can we just stop im tired" you exhaustingly exhaled at your boyfriend who was sitting on the couch. "tired of what exactly y/n? you see this is why we argue all the damn time! we don't even talk anymore!" mikey raised his hand to hit the couch but you flinched when he did that. mikey noticed your flinching and looked at his hand "y/n.. you know i would never.." "no it's not that, they're just reflexes.." silence grew between you two. "maybe we should take some rest and talk about it tomorrow" you said cutting through the silence. mikey nodded but when he walked pass you, he have your forehead a kiss before hugging you "can we at least cuddle? i can't sleep without you.." "sure mikey"

haruchiyo

"haruchiyo fucking akashi, how many times have i said no drugs in our home?" you confronted him with a bag with white powder in it, shoving it into the man's face "mmh sorry" "that's it?" "you want me to say what huh?" "this has been happening too many times and you know that haru! you swore you won't bring those things home and you still did!" haruchiyo swinged his hand to grab his pounding head, the action so fast it made you flinch. haruchiyo noticed it and he sighed. "look, im sorry. i really am, it's just.. you know i've been clean for months now and those aren't mine. you know me better than everyone else y/n, i would never do things that would hurt you" he said with a double meaning that you understood. you lowered your head, took the bag and wanted to dispose it until he grabbed your wrist "i mean it, i would never hurt you" "i know haru, i- it was just reflex"

ran

"can we just sit down y/n?" "no! ugh how am i supposed to sit down when i just saw that- that slut hugging and almost kissing you?!" ran massaged his head, all his explanations coming to a dead end. and an angry you. "i told you, she's drunk. she isn't going to remember it anyways" he tried reaching your hand to sit down at the table with him but you refused, slipping your hands in his grasp. "no! i don't want to!" ran was at the edge so he accidentally shouted "just fucking sit y/n!" he never raised his voice at you, not when he's angry, not when he's drunk. never. so the tone made you flinch which he noticed that he wanted to hit himself. "i-im sorry okay? i promise you baby, she's no one. she got drunk and grabbed me because i was nearby. im so sorry, i would never want to hurt you.. please.." you sat down beside him, eyes blurry. "o-okay. im sorry, i made my own conclusions" "sorry for shouting baby" "n-no, it's just reflexes"

rindou

"stop it y/n i don't wanna hear it" "but rindou i thought you gave me the flowers" rindou threw his glasses on the table due to frustration. there was a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep and you happily put them in a vase, thinking it was from rindou. oh how you were wrong. "im sorry rindou, i'll throw them away okay?" rindou didn't like how someone would do so much effort to impress you, and to think the person succeeded in it? rindou wasn't thinking straight and threw the small vase into the nearest wall making you wildly flinch. when rindou has his thoughts cleared, he looked at the damage he has done and how you were crouched down, almost crying. "im sorry rin.. im sorry.." "fuck no it's not your fault.. it- it was mine. i- is your arm bleeding?" rindou was right, your arm was scratched with the vases parts flying so it bleed a little. "let me treat that" you flinched again when he touched you "i- im sorry.. do you want me to?" you nodded and let him treat the wound and kissed it better. "not your fault, not your fault" he mumbled under his breath.

[felice-jaganshi]

His Pet

Chapter 14

Alastor x OC

Content warning: mention of potential SA and minor acephobia.

He sat on her bed, rocking her back and forth until she had calmed down. He was extremely troubled by today's events.

“Darling… I'm certain you're very tired from all of today's activities, but I need you to answer something for me before I let you rest.”

She nodded, staying silent as she clung to him.

“Darling, I'll never judge or blame you for things that happened against your will, but I must know… what did Valentino do to you?” He needed to know how badly he had failed her. How bad the damage done was.

 

She shook her head, “He only hurt me. He didn't… he tried but I fought back and I tried to rip his throat out, but he moved, so I missed and got his wing. He thought if I bled enough I'd be easier to handle. But… my blood is gold so… he freaked out. I was able to run, and hide. Took a chunk of wing with me.”

 

“Do you remember scratching me?” He held out his hand to her. She looked confused and took it.

“I did this? I… hurt you?” She kissed the marks gently. “I don't remember that, I'm sorry.” He smiled and pet her head.

“I forgive you. It was my own fault for approaching you in such a state. You bit my shoulder too, should I be glad you didn't rip my throat out?” He was teasing her now.

 

“No, I was more in control then. That one was on purpose. Just an affection bite. Something I used to do with my old partner. You're a lot like them. Please don't abandon me like they did… I know I'm useless and weird and broken, but please… I can't handle being on my own.” She started sobbing, the action taking over her whole body, her ears laying flat to her skull.

 

“Useless and broken… is that how your partner made you feel? And you dare compare me to them?” He sounded irritated. “You have been nothing but useful to me. Maybe a bit of a hassle at times, but certainly not boring at least! And broken? What about you could possibly be considered broken?” He asked, and began petting her head and hair in long slow strokes.

 

“I'm… because I couldn't… something that happened when I was… because I can't- because I'm Ace!” She was struggling to say the words. This was something that had bothered her her whole life. And even in death, her past trauma was still fucking with her! He frowned, remembering what she had said that term meant, and given the context she was struggling to give, he was able to paint a few potential pictures of what she was trying to say.

 

“My dearest… that does not make you any more broken than it does me. I don't have any interest in those activities either. So you are not broken in the slightest. And anyone who has made you feel as such is a filthy pervert undeserving of your attentions or affections. Is that also how your ex partner made you feel?”

“N-no… they were also ace… but they were always frustrated with my inability to care for myself in other ways. I always had to be told what to do and how to do it. Always living life in a daze half in my head… I just wanted to write my stories… but I acted too much like a child for an adult woman… so… they wanted their independence back.” 

 

She looked up at him.

“Well, I can certainly understand a desire for independence.” She stiffened in his arms. “Shh, shh.. but I would never abandon a soul in my care. You are mine, and I will never leave you. I…” He took a breath, was he a man or was he not? Why were these words so hard for him?! “I. Love you too. I mean it.” There! It was true enough, it might not be in the same way she felt for him, but how else could he describe this bond if not ‘love’? “Just don't expect me to say it often.”

“Al… can I kiss you?” He froze, he felt hot and cold at the same time.

“I… don't think that's a good idea.”

“Just on the forehead?” She asked next, trying to find his boundaries, it seemed.

“I… suppose that would be acceptable.” He didn't sound terribly certain though.

She put her hands on his shoulders and sat up in his lap, she gently kissed his forehead, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away and sitting in his lap with a smile. Well, that wasn't so bad… It was actually somewhat pleasant. 

“Thank you. For everything. You are my special person. I hope one day I can be considered your partner.” He thought for a moment before kissing her on the forehead back. That.. also didn't feel terrible.  

“That actually doesn't sound so bad… you could read your stories on my broadcasts, and we'll call you the Radio Angel. That would certainly scare enough sinners into leaving you alone at least. But for the next while, until you're strong enough to be an overlord yourself, I don't want you heading out without my personal escort. If I can't even count on Nifty to protect you, how can I count on anyone else?” He pulled her tight to his chest. “I will not lose my most important treasure. Not now that I've finally found it.” She purred in his arms, closing her eyes and falling asleep, feeling safe and loved.

Angel knocked on the door, “Hey, they said only I was allowed in. Mind if I do?” 

“You may join us. She just fell asleep.” Alastor called out. Angel entered the room.

“Damn… so she really is an angel. No wonder she's sweet as sugar.” He frowned and looked at her in Al's lap. “What did Big V do to her?” He seemed scared of the answer, and Alastor respected him for his concern. 

“Just a few cuts and bruises. At least that's what she told me. I'm hoping you can confirm. Being a brother figure to her, she might feel more comfortable telling you if he touched her in other ways. I want to believe her, but better safe than sorry.” 

Angel nodded, “Yeah, once she's up, I can have a talk with her. I'll help run her a nice bubble bath too. That usually helps me feel better after… Well, we don't have to talk about lil’ ol’ me. Mind if I take a seat and wait for her to wake up?”

Alastor nodded, “Her chair is at the desk. I'll keep holding her, she's likely to protest if I try to leave her like this.”

“Heh, look at that. The radio demon does have a heart. Good.” He got comfortable in the chair, pulling it close to the bed. “I won't tell anyone, promise.”

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day 16 - Prompt: Night @wolfstarmicrofic

January Daily Series - 704 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Remus avoided Lily’s pointed glare as he shifted the ice pack on his shoulder and leaned back into the recliner. He closed his eyes and pretended his body wasn’t screaming with pain. This was fine. Well, it would be.

Sirius was safe and his best friend was still in one piece. That was what really mattered. The impromptu rescue mission was a success! No one died yesterday, that alone was worth triggering an episode that kept him up all night.

Lily clearly did not agree. She was furious when she arrived this morning with a tote bag full of his favourite tea, first aid supplies, and chocolate bars. While she hadn’t actually said anything yet, he knew a lecture was coalescing in her mind.

“Will you hear me out before you ream me out?” he checked, peeking out from under his lashes.

She narrowed her eyes, then nodded mutely. Which was probably for the best, honestly. He needed to diffuse the time bomb that was his best friend before she rightfully exploded.

“There wasn’t time to call for help,” he began carefully. “I was still on the beach when Regulus called and he didn’t know the gravity of the situation. He was just worried that the tide was coming in. I didn’t realise how difficult it would be myself until I was in the cave, and there’s no cell service down there. I had to help.”

Lily began pacing in front of him, her long hair bouncing against her back with every step. She was still fuming, but appeared to be walking off the urge to strangle him. That was progress!

“James accidentally wedged his upper body in an unstable shaft reaching for a marbled green stone to show his boyfriend. Sirius tried to pull his arms out, but was being too cautious. I had to dislocate his shoulder, Lily, so I’d say James has already faced the consequences of his actions.” He adjusted the cushion behind his head and shrugged lightly. “And now I’m facing mine.”

She waited until he was comfortable before throwing her first punch. “You could have drowned, been dragged out to sea, or stuck in that cave for hours, Remus. Half the night in that dank, mouldy cave? More likely your lungs would close up before sunset.”

“But none of those things happened. I’m just sore and tired.”

“You risked your life!”

“To save someone else’s! It was a necessary risk.”

Lily scowled, then returned to her pacing. Her hands gestured wildly around her face as she launched into her lecture. “These blokes are irresponsible, reckless, and-”

“Fun. They’re fun.”

“-foolish! You’ve been doing so well lately and now you’ll be lucky if you don’t catch pneumonia again. Why anyone would want to crawl around in a cave with all of those germs is beyond me.”

“There are germs everywhere.”

“You didn’t even call me! I had to hear it from Sirius,” she whined, concern heavy in her voice.

Remus gently bobbed his head side to side in vague agreement. “I was going to call you this morning. I didn’t need a nurse, so I chose to rest instead. Really, Lily, I’m fine.”

“You're a liar, but I love you anyway,” she said, pausing in front of his chair. “Please be careful? I know you’re acting a fool because of Sirius, but-”

“No. That wasn’t his fault.”

“It’s Sirius-adjacent, at least!”

“So am I.”

Lily folded her arms in front of her chest and stared him down. “Are you? Or is that wishful thinking?”

“He called you, didn’t he? I assume he sounded worried about me,” he pointed out.

“And that’s worth risking your life for?”

“Yes,” Remus said stubbornly, “but that’s not why I did it. James needed help, I was nearby, available, and able. End of story.”

“Not end of story.” Lily’s mobile lit up her pocket and she automatically reached for it. “However, it appears that you’re right about one thing.”

Remus searched her face curiously. “What’s that?”

“You’re Sirius-adjacent. He’s asking if he can have your number, and he wants to bring you lunch.”

“Yes! Give him my bloody number!”

“Alright, alright. Calm your tits, Remus,” Lily tutted at him while she texted with Sirius.

Next Part>>>

[zevranunderstander]

living and being born in a western country, especially as a white person is so infuriating. like. you're privileged and you can get everything you want at a store and all that but like, so many of the things you can buy are direct results of genocides and massive exploitations and labor rights abuses, and you can't even do anything about it. no one even really tells you about this most of the time. everyone here has a phone and it's just kind of accepted that black children die in some mines *somewhere in africa* for this, but that doesn't stop anyone from buying a fucking phone each year

and trying to bring this up always shows how comfortable everyone is exploiting the global south, because then it's always 'well, me not doing this won't change anything so why should I stop? everyone else is doing it too!', and the deeper you dig the more you realise that really any action you take makes the life quality of everyone in the global south so much worse

and if you advocate for climate change action, or go vegan, or stop buying plastic, or try to only buy fair trade, your impact obviously is only very marginally doing anything, but your interaction with the fact that western civilization is built entirely on exploitation makes everyone around you so fucking uncomfortable, that they need to turn you into the laughing stock for being such a hippie or whatever, when it should be our basic fucking responsibility to try not to be complicit in systems of systemic exploitation if we can, and people who are so comfortable in their luxury fucking laugh at people for protesting climate action and call them delusional while people in India die of heat strokes en masse

and this is just my personal take, but I hate (hate!) the sentiment on here that's like 'well it's all corporations fault, *they* need to change, we need regulations', which isn't wrong, but it's literally not gonna happen without pressure being applied. corporations only care about the profit margin and if that means burning everything on the planet alive so be it, and government regulations are slow and usually even slower because of relentless lobbying, they aren't gonna do anything if their user base is comfortable with their exploitation.

idk maybe it's just me but if you are comfortable explaining to a mother of some child that just died in some mining accident in africa, that yeah, you produced more plastic waste in a week than any of them do in half a year, and yeah, you bought two phones in two years, and yeah, you love shopping on shein and going to primark, and yeah, you eat cashews imported from the southern hemisphere that are produced on slave labour and that use massive amounts of water for one fruit, but really none of these things are your fault because it's not you who needs to change its the corporations, and I don't think you're entirely wrong, but like, I won't just sit in fucking Omelas paradise and enjoy a comfortable life on the blood of the other half of the world population just because I got lucky and was born in as a white person in Europe.

[shinra33459]

My Issues With Helluva Boss

I have been a fan of this show ever since the pilot. I loved the concept, and I still love most of the characters. What I am not a fan of is that it tries to be a comedic slapstick show like Family Guy at one moment, and then be a serious melodrama the next scene. The show started with the premise of being a dark humored workplace comedy surrounding a group of demonic assassins from Hell, and then quickly amounted into what felt like a walking advertisement for fanfiction headcanons and shippers. My opinions are mine alone, and while I do enjoy this show, there is a lot that I feel needs to be done with the characters and overall writing of the show that would benefit the show greatly, tell a far more compelling story, and give viewers a far more substantial end-product than what we currently have.

If you like the show as-is, then I am glad that you find joy in what the show currently is. However, for many viewers of the show, whether they be long-time fans like me, or people trying to get into the show, there are a ton of compounding issues in the show that can and should be better handled than what they currently are. It isn’t “hate” to want a better product than what you are given, or to suggest ways to make it better. And before anyone says “it’s Hell” in a way to dismiss characters being shitty, I want you to go to your local penitentiary and talk to the people locked up there. Despite a lot of people there doing bad things, almost none of the convicts are cartoonishly evil people; there is a thing known as complexity after all.

Chapter 1 - Stolas and Blitzo

While these two are the main characters of the series, it’s honestly hard to find arcs in the story that don’t revolve around these two in some way shape or form. As for the relationship between the two, in the first several episodes of Season 1, it was originally written as if Blitzo wanted nothing to do with Stolas, and that because of the vast swath of imbalances between the two, they would never be compatible and that they were never meant to be. However, as the show went on, it became less about Blitzo and his relationship with the rest of IMP and their jobs as assassins, and more about the relationship Blitzo has with Stolas.

Both characters are presented in a way where everything that happens to them isn’t their fault; instead, it’s the fault of everyone else, and that everyone in their lives has been holding them back. Neither one is capable of taking accountability for their actions. Neither one is capable of being an adult and realizing that their actions have consequences and that they are the only ones to blame when things go wrong regarding the people close to them. The show makes everyone else who wronged them into the bad guys, and they can avoid their issues by it all just being written away instead of actually having any sort of closure. Instead of Blitzo realizing that the trail of broken interpersonal relationships and the wreckage of his past coming back to haunt him is his fault, it is written as if he is innocent, and everyone who hates him are the bad guys.

Stolas on the other hand is shown to be the innocent victim at all times. Any time he does something that is objectively wrong, like him constantly neglecting and ignoring his daughter in favor of pursuing his sexual fantasies with Blitzo or bashing Octavia’s mother right in front of her, it’s casually brushed to the side, and instead, characters like Octavia are villainized for standing up for themselves due to the poor treatment from him, all because “he’s trying” or that at the end of the day, he is the victim and can do no wrong. Whenever Stolas is 100% objectively in the wrong and due his comeuppance, everyone manages to forgive him instantaneously, or if he and a character had a falling-out (like him and Blitzo), they are back to acting like they normally would like nothing ever happened.

My solution: Have both characters get their due comeuppance. Have Stolas realize that Blitzo never loved him in the first place and was using him and have him deal with the consequences of him putting his own daughter on the backburner for his love-affair. Have him realize that his choices have ruined the relationships with the people he held closest to him due to his lust and greed. Have Blitzo understand that he is the sole factor in everything in his life going pear-shaped. From his lack of friends to people no longer wanting to associate with him because of how he behaves and treated people and have him at least try to make amends in an attempt to fix the damage he caused in his life and the lives of other people.

Chapter 2 - Lack of Development for Female Characters

Very few of the female characters in the show have their moments of development and character growth. The male characters of the show like Blitzo, Stolas, Moxxie, and the much of the male cast members have their backgrounds explored at length. The only female character in the show that has any sort of character development has been Octavia, which even then, it’s more so that she starts to resent her father for neglecting her, and then magically forgives him over the course of 20 minutes. Meanwhile characters like Stella, Millie and Loona don’t really have any character traits besides being associated with the male characters; like Stella being Stolas’s abusive ex-wife, Millie just being Moxxie’s badass wife, or Loona being Blitzo’s bitchy and abusive adoptive daughter.

Millie in several instances has had opportunities for character development and fleshing-out, however the writers have not really expanded on her background much, if at all, even in what was supposed to be her own episode. All that we know about Millie is that she grew up on a farm, has a lot of siblings, got into fights as a kid, is good at killing, and is married to Moxxie. Another character that has been woefully underdeveloped has been Stolas’s ex-wife, Stella. She has just been a one-dimensional villain because she has abused Stolas and hired a hitman to kill him after he cheated on her. She hasn’t been shown to have any sort of relationship with her own daughter and has almost no character traits outside of her being an abusive ex. Loona was only given one scene in the adoption center where she was shown to have had a rough life. It never gives her any motivation for why she constantly treats the ones close to her badly, or why she can talk to Octavia about Stolas trying to be a good dad, yet she will punt-kick Blitzo in the balls less than a minute later. 

Octavia on the other hand has been completely trivialized, and her issues with her father are presented as if they can just be easily dismissed or that she has to forgive him. Instead of showing that her father neglecting her all the time, compounded by the fact that her father tore apart her life by cheating on her mother, has caused her to grow bitter and resentful of him, it’s dismissed, and all is forgiven at the drop of a hat. The issues regarding why she feels the way that she does and causes her to run away at times are never addressed fully or given proper closure.

My solution: Give the audience more in-depth reasons as to why Stella is the person she is. Make it seem like she isn’t just some one-dimensionally evil bitch. Her and Stolas’s marriage could’ve been great for a little while, but slowly turned resentful and distant over time. But most importantly, give her any kind of parental relationship with Octavia. Give Millie some proper fleshing out as a character instead of what she has been and give her more depth besides being the badass woman that Moxxie decided to marry. Give Loona an actual reason to be the way that she is in the present, not just growing up in an orphanage.

Chapter 3 - Horrible Gay “Representation”

This section is going to be shorter, but when it comes to the gay “representation” in the show, it usually comes across as fetishization of same-sex couples, with those couples being presented as borderline to outright sex-pests. Straight couples like Blitzo and Verosika, or Moxxie and Millie are presented as having normal relationships for the most part, while the non-straight relationships are presented as being driven solely by lust. Whether it be Blitzo and Stolas, or Moxxie and Chaz, all of the gay characters come across as dick obsessed yaoi stereotypes.

My solution: Gay couples are just people as well. We have the same type of relationship dynamics that you can find in straight relationships that can and still do still apply. Usually being that these are two people who love each other and want to see what life has to offer each other, together. Some couples are far more sexual compared to others, however, there is a distinct difference between a couple being more sexual, opposed to being a hentai stereotype of gay relationships. Present their relationships as normal relationships, not like the only reason they’re together is that they both have a penis.

Chapter 4 - Tonal Clashes

One thing that Helluva Boss tries to be is a slapstick comedy like Family Guy, characters being messy people like in Bojack Horseman, a musical, and a melodramatic serial drama, all wrapped in the package of gore and black humor. A good example is how the show portrays abuse. While abuse that is directed towards Stolas is presented as absolutely reprehensible and you should feel bad about it, meanwhile the abuse that is thrown towards Blitzo and Moxxie is shown to be comedic. 

It has proven to be a repeating theme with the show. One moment we will have a scene that aims to tug on your heartstrings, while the next is a slapstick scene tantamount to Peter Griffin falling down the stairs, or some sex joke. In what way is this supposed to mesh together? How would this be any different than if a movie showed a guy and how horribly depressed he is after getting divorced and how he now has to figure out his life, only then to cut to a scene where his friend is taking a dump with comically loud fart sounds? The way how emotional scenes in the show are presented goes against the very nature of the show itself. If Helluva Boss is supposed to be a comedy at heart, that just makes the gut wrenchingly emotional and dramatic scenes just feel out of place and makes them feel difficult to take seriously.

My solution: Pick a genre and stick with it. Flip-flopping between what genre you want your show to be at one given moment is not conducive to good storytelling. In fact, the serious melodrama and slapstick comedy grind against each other pretty hard and don’t really mesh. It’s hard to find comedic scenes funny when you had a depressing scene just a few moments prior, and hard to take a serious moment seriously when you had goofy slapstick comedy and sex jokes before that. If you want your show to be a goofy slapstick show like Family Guy or American Dad, then go for it and stick to it, the same applies if you want to make the show a serious drama like The Sopranos.

Conclusion

Look, I love Helluva Boss. I mean would I write ‘x reader’ stories for IMP and have old Gmod screenshots with Helluva Boss characters in my portfolio of work if I didn’t like the show? I love the setting and a good deal of the characters, and I want to see the show actually stand out and succeed for all the right reasons, not fall into obscurity and ridicule because of what the show currently is. The concept and some of the ideas that the show has are brilliant and would be amazing if they were executed correctly. However, what I have noticed about the show is that good writing is substituted for fan-service, previous events are retconned to appease a rather small, yet belligerent sect of the fanbase, and both comedic and deeply serious themes are being undermined alike by each other.

I understand liking a show and wanting to defend it. Hell, I used to and still defend the Star Wars Prequels, but even though I love and defend the Prequels, I understand some of the jarring moments within those movies and how they could’ve been presented better. I feel that the fandom that Helluva Boss has needs to learn that nuance and critical thinking to better argue to the creators what needs to be changed, or what doesn’t: what works and what doesn’t. As the show currently is, there is a lot that should be changed to deliver a better project and it can make the show even better than what it is.

[moistvonlipwig]

6, 9, 22 (kara/lena/both) for cwsg please? :D

och aye you lot are turning me into a cwsg blog! i am beset by the consequences of mine own actions...

(answers under the cut!)

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

I'll do two little excerpts, since I did two for Weentulf. This one may or may not ever get fully written, but it amuses me to think about:

The thing is – you’ve always considered yourself a good person. You were respectful to your teachers as a child, even when they got things wrong. You’ve always been patient with your meddlesome immigrant parents, who have spent your whole life fretting over everything you’ve ever done. Your friends consider you kind, honest, and reliable. You go to protests regularly. You tip waiters well. And now you’re in a deep dark cell somewhere no one will ever find you, all because you snapped one day and tried to kill the worst coworker you’ve ever had. It’s not your fault she just happened to be Supergirl.

And this one I'm hoping to finish sometime this year:

James Olsen never thought he'd be attending Lex Luthor's funeral. Clark sweeps him up in a hug when he arrives. “Thanks for coming, Jimmy,” he whispers, in that corn-fed Kansas drawl even Lex found irresistible, and James doesn’t have the heart to tell him he’s here for someone else. She’s not hard to spot amongst the crowd. She never is, but especially not today. She stands apart from the rest of the funeral-goers, her coat buttoned and her silhouette sharp and her eyes hard as jade. James watches her from afar and has no idea what she’s thinking. Sometimes he wonders if he ever did.

9. Write a recommendation of someone else’s fic you enjoyed!

Where Lamps Go to Die by WastedOn (in which the DEO stages a fake relationship between Kara and Supergirl) is, IMO, the platonic ideal of a Supercorp fic. It leans heavily on the dramatic irony of Kara's secret identity and plays it for both comedy and drama in a way that is just so excellently delicious. If I could only recommend one Supergirl fic, it would probably be this one.

22. Give us a headcanon for [character]

Hm...I don't necessarily have a ton of headcanons for either of them but I have built up an extensive headcanon for Kara's favorite dumpling place, which I have decided is called Mama Chen's Dumpling House and is run by the eponymous Mama Chen and her half-alien son Hongsen, who wants to someday be an actor. Mama Chen and Hongsen are good friends with Kara, since she's such a loyal customer. But Hongsen is part of several alien rights activist groups and when Kara (inexplicably) reveals herself as Supergirl, and Supergirl's activities with the DEO inevitably come to light, I think she is going to have a lot of groveling to do before Mama Chen sells her any dumplings again. (Also, it's my headcanon that they were Mysteriously "out of dumplings" throughout all of S5 whenever Kara tried to order from them, because Lena secretly contacted them and wrote them a huge check to pay for Hongsen's acting school on the condition that they not sell dumplings to Kara.)

Oh, and I guess my other headcanon is that, whatever form their relationship may take in the future, I don't think Lena will ever stop keeping some amount of kryptonite on hand, Just In Case. (Not secretly, though -- I imagine it would be more like Superman & Batman in the comics, where Kara knows full well about her stash [just not where it's located, for security's sake] and has come to understand and accept that it is a good thing for a superhero to have people who love them enough to be willing to take them down.)

[gorillawithautism]

the only reason my parents know my tti facility was abusive is because i was very nearly gooned to another one in hawaii. my first one was in oregon. i got brainwashed. i was psychologically and institutionally abused. i never once got restrained or assaulted or killed. i am one of the lucky ones. because i didn't go to a program Like That. i knew that there were programs out there that did those things. but my program wasn't one of the bad ones. they didn't hit us. they didn't leave us outside at night in below freezing temperatures. they didn't physically restrain us. i thought the people who ran away from my program were just being rebellious or dramatic. breaking program. i didn't realize i was being abused too. because from the beginning i was taught that the way we were treated was normal. in fact it was good because it wasn't Like The Other Programs.

this is what brainwashing is. it's not about wiping someone's mind. it's not about controlling them like a puppet. it's not about making their eyes glaze over so they're just a zombie. putty in your hands. no brainwashing is a teaching process. it's shaping someones mind. it's controlling their environment and thoughts behaviors opinions existence until they can be controlled. not because they don't have a mind of their own but because their mind agrees. because that's all they know now. i knew about those other programs. my peers within the program had their own stories of worse ones. getting frostbite in the woods. permanent injuries from carrying packs that were far too heavy and didn't fit their tiny bodies right. not being allowed to so much as look at anyone else let alone talk to them or god forbid touch them. for three months straight. i heard about programs like that.

i didn't realize being forced to sit at a table in complete silence and being made to ask for permission to get up for anything as small as going to the bathroom. while everyone else around me could talk and move as they pleased. i didn't realize that was abuse too. because i wasn't on a "silent table" (the name for that punishment) when i was at school. only when i was as the house. because i was on a silent table for a reason. i still hadn't finished a monumental assignment so i was put on a silent table to finish it. it was my own fault. i didn't realize it was abuse. because i knew the rules and i broke them. and they didn't hit me. they didn't kill me. i didn't realize it was abuse when i was alienated from my peers for a day because i wouldn't take my meds from a staff member that i fully believed would be willing to give me the wrong ones. i didn't realize it was abuse because other people had and are still having it worse than i ever did.

i didn't realize it was abuse because, as much as it may sound awful to you, it was normal for me. the punishments i got were because i broke the rules. i still can't bring myself to use the word "refuse" in the context of my own actions and choices. did i ever think i was being treated unfairly. oh yeah for sure. i had a staff member lie and say that i had gotten physical with them. that i'd hit them when they were attempting to wake me up. i didn't. but i had no other witnesses and a staffs word meant far more than mine. so i got punished for it. and would you believe this happened twice. the second time was the same reason i was unwilling to take meds from a staff member. she lied about me. got me in tons of trouble. and i didn't feel safe taking my meds from a woman who would do such a thing to me. i said i'd take them if someone else would administer them. it took about an hour for that to happen. i got punished for that hour of refusal. so yeah. i wasn't treated fairly. many such cases etc etc. but i didn't realize the whole thing was abusive. i just thought certain staff were evil to their core (i still think this about those staff btw). i didn't think the program itself was bad. i didn't know. i didn't know. i didn't know. do you think all the kids who've died have known. why they were killed. i wonder how many of them thought it was their fault.

i almost got gooned to a place in hawaii. they told me i could go willingly with them or unwilling with a "transport service." i chose the third option. but even that program is a light sentence. it even has a mocking nickname among treatment kids because it's notorious for being easy compared to other places. my parents only know my tti facility was bad because telling them was the only thing that was gonna get me out of going to another one. if i hadn't told them. do you think they would've figured it out on their own. would they have been guilty for sending me their. they are now. i relish in that guilt. sometimes i like to twist the knife a little. remind them that i'm broken and it's their fault. just so i can see that guilt surface. maybe that's mean. i don't really care. they stopped being human to me the moment i realized they should have known better. that it was abuse from the very start. that even dressed up in pretty words it was still abusive. do you think they would've realized? if i'd died there? do you think they would know it was their fault? do you think i would have gotten justice in my posthumous existence?

i don't think so. i think they only know because i told them. and i think i only told them because i knew full well i was in danger.

my tti facility held me for two years, five months, and one day. and i didn't die. an unnamed twelve year old boy in north carolina was held for one day. and then he was murdered. a boy in the woods. with neither face nor name. was kidnapped and held for just one day before being killed.

i don't consider him luckier than me. i lived. but i consider him lucky among the murdered. because he didn't live long enough. he only made it through one day

do you think he'll get justice?

i don't think so

[terraliensvent]

Hello Terralien members, I’m posting this to clear up any misconceptions and explain.

I had joined Terraliens because a couple friends of mine were in it, I had been told to stay is the supporter lounge and to not go into the main channels of the server form a friend.

This is why I thought the server was mostly adults, because in the supporter lounge. Majority of the active members in it are 18+, mostly in their mid 20’s early 30’s or just freshly 18.

The reason I refuse to interact with minors online is because in the past when I had just turned 18 I was in a relationship with someone younger than me by a year (they were 17), I was harassed by other individuals who were 15-17, a small handful being 18, for being ‘gross’ and dating a 17 year old when I had only just turned 18 (we were both 17 when the relationship started). I have never been able to interact with younger people without being disliked or bullied for my interests and how I am as a person (who visibly has AuDHD with my strong stims and characteristics), but whenever I had talked to adults they were more patient and understanding of me? I felt more safe and comfortable interacting with the adults.

These adults then gave me the idea to go 18+ to interact, since they were the same just because they wanted to talk about things more in depth on their topics of interest without censorship, topics of which would include criminology, psychology, ect which can pertain extremely sensitive subjects.

I liked this idea and I ran with it.

Now as for the suggestion channel;

the idea of the 18+ channels were originally suggested by other individuals in the chat, I had just given more reasons people may want them. I generally don’t care what people do for their servers, and all I do is give more positive and negative reasons for other people’s ideas rather than suggest my own.

I had being very much in a joke tone the entire conversation in that suggestion thread forum thing, because I thought that’s what everyone did? Now I realise it was the wrong time to make jokes. The bridgeton joke was made because my friends who frequently read this blog made the joke on a post and had sent it in our group chat, so I had used it too as it seemed relevant to joke about at the time.

I only ever use TikTok brainrot as a joke, any of my friends could tell you this. I find using TikTok brain rot such as “womp womp” in serious conversations distracting and severely immature. Hense why I had the /j tone tag to the message, adding on, it was towards one of my friends.

When the chat mentioned Xil was a minor when joining smile demons, I had gotten worried because it was worded in a way that Xil was still currently a minor so I asked about it and expressed my discomfort. Then I had found that someone else in the chat was a minor, keep in mind my friends had told me to block any minors who initiate contact with me in chats for this server, so that’s exactly what I did.

My friend that was in chat asked me a question, to which I answered, “I enjoy banning people on the vrchat group I administrate in” and later clarifying that I enjoyed it because the members, mods, owners, other admins and I make a joke towards the trolls and minors we kick/ban from the group before taking that action.

this friend and I were visibly getting distracted with the talk about vrchat to I initiated to move to the supporter lounge, where I had been told to only talk in from other friends, that is when the mocking had started and I got extremely uncomfortable.

I do apologise for misinterpreting the situation and tone in the suggestion forum, I severely struggle with tone in text, voice and facial expressions so I found it extremely hard to understand where people were coming from after I made a couple jokes and gave some positive and negative reasons to a suggestion made by someone else.

However, I will not be rejoining as this species clearly has no improvements happening in it. And it’s not just staffs fault.

if you guys as members want improvement so badly, improve how you treat each other, the staff and change how you all act towards everything.

And here is all the screenshots with context, instead of the ones the blog got that took everything out of context,

post related

alright im gonna try to be more gentle in this post

so first of all the “cutting out context,” in my original post i was trying to lean into the “alpha with a cold heart” motif with saying you were “striking fear into the heart of the 17 year old you were talking fine with 5 minutes ago.” it was meant to be a joke, i dont actually think you were trying to intimidate a 17 year old. in addition to that, since it was a joke, i really didnt think the fact you were talking to cat specifically was some big crazy detail that flipped the narrative on its head, it was something incredibly minute and had no effect on the general convo in my opinion. but if you see it differently then my bad.

one of your friends actually came into my dms yesterday to beat me over the head with this and try to say im “twisting the narrative,” i wasnt even able to reply because they deleted their acc after

i really did not think it was that heinous of a crime and that it was THAT important that you were talking directly to cat, the bigger point is was making was that it comes off as you were showing off and trying to be the rick friend by saying its fun to block minors.

another issue i have with your statements is that, if you supposedly knew little to nothing about the terra server because you only hung around in supporter lounge, why would you try to speak like an authority when saying that youve seen more adults than minors in the server? im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say you probably dont know a lot about the community of terras, but the fact is an 18+ channel even if sfw just isnt something that should be there. if you really want an 18+ community then you need to look in other places instead of trying to put one up in terras. its a “time and place” thing, terras definitely isnt the place and if you want to talk about the topics you gave without having to interact with minors then respectfully go somewhere else

and finally as for your actual reasoning with blocking all minors, im gonna say it seems like you went from one terminally online community to another. (if you dont know what terminally online means, im referring to people who are so deep in their own internet bubble that they lose touch with reality and spew opinions that no rational human would believe.) nobody in the real world would care at all that you were 18 dating a 17 year old, most people online dont even care about that, and it seems like the community you were in was just really toxic regardless of whether they were minors or not. it seems to me like after that you really jumped wayy to the opposite extreme and went on the “i will never ever speak to minors again ever” which is a terrible approach. you can have normal conversations with minors without it being weird, most people whos brains arent completely rotted by the internet take no issue with someone having a causal conversation with someone below the age of 18. for example, when i was 16 i worked at a job where most of the other employees were middle aged or older, and it was perfectly fine. they talked to me like i was a normal person and it was never weird, nobody ever came up and screamed that its weird and creepy

heres my genuine advice for you, i think you need to go outside more and talk to people in the real world. genuinely. not in a “omg ur so weird go touch grass way,” it seems like you are a person who is extremely susceptible to the opinions of whatever group youre in, and people in the real world would never actually have an issue with the things youve said. nobody with sense would care about a 17 year old being in a relationship with an 18 year old, nobody would care that an adult is having a normal conversation with a minor, and nobody would care especially considering that youre only 19. most people in the real world see 19 year olds as just a step above high schoolers in terms of maturity and behavior, you dont need to police yourself in the extreme way you do currently. it seems like being in these really incredibly online spaces has surrounded you with people who dont have your best interest in mind and have a really warped view on reality. try to go easier on yourself, you will be fine if you just talk normally to minors, and any rational person will never see an issue with it.

[helenarlett-rex]

So if you've ever heard of Game X Change before, it is the 2nd biggest retail chain of used video games in the United States. This company is second only to Game Stop. Which I guess isn't hard to do when Game Stop is already a dying company... I happen to work for this company.

I should point out that this company is actually broken up between a couple of different owners. Each owner running a handful of different stores in different sections of the country. The man who runs the store I work at... will not be named... but what I will tell you is that he is a rich frat boy who was born into money, never had to work a day in his life, and then married a literal Saudi Arabian oil princess on top of that. This man doesn't need Game X Change... It's just a pet project because he thought it would be cool to own a chain of game stores. Why he thought that would be cool, I have no idea... Because he knows nothing about gaming... He knows nothing about geek culture as a whole... He knows nothing about ANYTHING any of his stores sell... This is probably why we are a store that depends on trade-ins for all of our stock while still offering the lowest trade-in values in town. On everything except video games, that is... We have an app that makes sure we offer a fraction more than Game Stop on all video game trade-ins... But on literally everything else, the amount we will give you for your stuff is just insulting. Generally speaking, we offer 10% of what we are going to turn around and sell it for. 20% if you will accept in-store credit instead of cash... That's pathetic. If you bring in a Pokemon card worth $100, I'm going to offer you $10 for it... There is literally a card shop right on the other side of town that will pay more than that. If I drive an hour into the city, I can find card shops that will pay as much as 50%.

Our company is so bad at what it does, we are $200,000 in the hole on comic books... We buy comic books for $0.05 and then turn around and resell them for $1.00 each. And somehow we are $200,000 in the hole doing that... I don't even know how you do that... That math doesn't work...

But maybe I should also mention that our owner is a raging cocaine addict who is always coked out of his mind... That could maybe have something to do with it...

Either way, today he came up with a great new plan for the company. He is testing this idea out on a couple of different stores, and mine happens to be one of them. What is this new plan...?

"The company isn't making enough money to keep up with my growing habit. Stop buying and selling DVDs."

Oh... but... DVDs make up half of our sales... Half of our customers only come in here because we are the only place in town where you can even get DVDs... If we stop selling them, we are going to lose half of our customer base... And I mean... we're doing really well on DVDs. We buy them for $0.15 each and then resell them for $4.99 each. We're making money...

"We're going to make it up in a different area. I want everyone to focus on used collectables instead. Like, action figures and shit."

Oh... but... we don't even pay value on those... We have a flat rate trade-in value based on size... It doesn't matter if a figure is worth $500 or nothing at all, if it's six inches tall we are paying $1.50 for it no matter what... People won't sell to us at those prices... Literally everyone who comes in with that sort of thing refuses to sell to us when they hear what we are offering... Most of them get mad at us for wasting their time and insulting them with those low offers... You are taking away our best product and telling us to focus on selling the one product we can't get...

"If this doesn't work, it's the staff's fault for not working hard enough. I'm strongly implying that all managers should fire their staff if sales don't improve under these new instructions."

And so, yeah... That was my day today... I really didn't want to have to start looking for a new job again, but like, this place is going to go out of business at this rate...

[thatdesklamp]

hey! i’m the anon that once asked you about ur english a level if you even care to remember lmaoo. I JUST SAW THE REBLOGGED POST WHERE ANOTHER READER SAID THEY HATED SATORU FROM IW AND I’M???

obviously everyone’s entitled to their own opinions. i think that’s the point of reading anything tbh, form your own opinions and decide whether you like something/someone or not, bUT I LITERALLY CANNOT HELP BUT DISAGREE SO STRONGLY ��� i’ve literally never felt this strongly about a person’s opinion on a fictional character let alone how the fictional character was written in a FANFIC 😀

and obviously, no hate to them or whatever. as i said, their opinion is theirs, i just randomly felt the need to tell you mine (ik you never asked, i’m bored and my student finance situation is pissing me off so here i am lol). i think the reason why i feel so offended (jokingly haha) about any hate towards satoru in ur fic is bcz you’ve written him identical to how satoru in the actual anime/manga is, so i felt like it was a well aimed punch to canon!satoru and as his certified wife, i can’t stand by and watch this happen 😟

he makes dumb decisions sometimes but i think that has a lot to do with the fact that hebi is quite literally his oldest friend and allowing whatever feelings he has to get in the way of that (without knowing whether she likes him or not from his pov) is risky in terms of their friendship and where that’ll take them. like in the chapter where they had their first kiss, ofc, we as readers know why she backed off and what she meant by how she couldn’t “do this anymore” (or something along those lines), but he was never aware of her NON-PLATONIC feelings towards him, so i think (i say think bcz i’m the reader and you’re the author so what you say GOES) he was just confused by what she meant.

like if i were to randomly start telling you a story of my life with no context, and you hear me say names of my friends somewhere along that story, but i never TOLD you they were my friends, you’d think “oh who’s that?” until i clarified who they are to me. quite like how he was probably confused when she was explaining how she couldn’t allow herself to indulge in something that she thought wasn’t reciprocated. he had no context and was therefore just… stupid lmao 😭 he was criticising her for leaving even tho she promised to stay bcz he just didn’t understand (not saying it’s hebi’s fault in ANY way, she is MOTHER, i will defend her till the day i die).

yeah i have a lot of other reasons why satoru is not a bad person in ur fic (he’s literally a copy of himself in canon, kudos to ur BRILLIANT writing and characterisation of him) but ik you’re probably bored and i have to go turn the house heating on bcz uk weather is no joke 😀

Hello!!

This is so so funny and lovely to hear—I’ve heard so much variety in opinions on Gojo in my fic, mainly through the comments, and so it’s so lovely when people genuinely take a proper big opinion on either side of the ‘debate’. I fully get why people would be anti-Gojo just because we’re so invested in Hebi’s perspective and when she’s treated poorly/feeling shit, it does reflect poorly on him. I think that’s why I found it fun to write the Satoru-pov oneshots; IW is such a case of ‘unreliable narrator’-ism in a way that’s not always immediately evident, and so taking yourself out of Hebi’s perspective and immersing yourself in someone else’s can really help to get a more well-rounded view of all the characters, I guess.

But yeah, I’m glad you think IW Gojo is similar to canon Gojo! I used to struggle so much with his characterisation with him as a kid, which was I think partly because he was a child and that’s difficult anyway, but also because IW was one of the first things I’d written in… like, actual years, and I wasn’t that good at writing at that point.

I do think a lot of Satoru’s dumb actions come from ignorance, in whatever aspect, and I think it’s up to the reader as to how much they ‘blame’ him for that. Especially in the later chapters: should he have noticed Hebi’s degredation in mental health, and should he have done something about it if he did, even if she had never reached out to him? She did, after all, never actually confide in him about anything troubling her: I made it a point to state it multiple times. That, I guess, is where people’s opinions will inevitably differ, as to assigning both blame and responsibility. The idea will come up a lot next chapter, but—perhaps it’s almost similar to the Geto/Gojo situation. Yes, Gojo noticed a change, and yes, he tried to talk to Geto about it: but did he do enough? Should he have tried harder? Would it have even made a difference? People have different opinions on their split, too, because it’s not so set in stone. I think that’s the main reason people would dislike IW Satoru.

More about ignorance: you’re right, I can’t see him knowing about Hebi’s feelings. Satoru’s so much more of an active character than Hebi, who is intentionally very passive (if only ‘intentionally’ so I can have the slowburn make some degree of sense, lmao, but hey!). If he knew, I’d have to have him confront her about it. Like, I cannot see Gojo *not* pushing for something if he ever thought there was a possibility of her reciprocating. So, in my head, it can be concluded from his lack of action pre-kiss, that he absolutely doesn’t think she likes him back, and he also absolutely doesn’t want to fuck up the friendship. Again: it’s so, so, so important to him. I try to justify it in the oneshots—I know so much of this is #miscommunication, but controversial opinion, miscommunication adds to the drama and is fun under CERTAIN SITUATIONS, it’s not always a bad thing. LOL.

But also low-key I get why people wouldn’t like him. But also I get why people would, and would be more than fucked off with Hebi. And why people would be somewhere in the middle. Idk where I stand, they’re just both my lil pooks, yk. <3

But hell yeah! I love ur Satoru defence squad. And enjoy your heating (😀) and respite from student finance—I wouldn’t wish that process on my worst enemy </3

[romaritimeharbor]

Hey Addi! If it’s not rude, I’d like to add on to the soft Dottore idea. I was too much of a coward to consider bringing it up myself lol

If we’re going for the Dottore’s creation idea, it could be that after working with Scara, Dottore had a separate breakthrough. He created life, something to fill the loneliness in what remains of his heart, and this new, perfect creation is better than Scaramouche could ever hope to be, he can be kind to them without being reminded of the bitter jealousy and resentment he felt with Scara all those years ago. Reader, in his eyes is his finest masterpiece, the only one he very, very quietly admit he still cares about, he stops distracting himself from his weakness, his humanity and his emotions, by only a, he’s still a monster, of course, but even il Dottore himself can’t let go of that softness entirely.

they’re uncaring as opposed to oblivious when it comes to Dottore’s actions, as why would they ever question their doting Creator’s actions? After all, everything he does is for the greater good of humanity, something neither of them are truly a part of. Their feelings towards Scara are up for discussion, whether it’s indifference spawned from his hostility, sadness that they can’t get along, or something else entirely. And this whole soft spot Dottore has for Rader? Especially in the beginning depending on where you’d like to put Reader on the timeline, fucking *infuriates* Scara, because why does he get tortured and twisted by that cruel bastard when that little thing that was created using blueprints sourced from HIM, get to go through absolutely no experiments, no cruelty. They don’t get death threats or cruel punishments. And not that he would ever admit, but who wouldn’t ask themselves why they’re being treated like that? Maybe it’s his fault, maybe he’s just not good enough, too emotional even after trying his hardest to distance himself from them. He gets to see Reader and be figuratively slapped in the face every time he sees how Dottore could act towards him, all with no real, definite answer. At least not until he becomes Wanderer. And, while Scara does have a soft spot for kids, I doubt that instinct, which is currently being brutally suppressed, would be able to top his resentment and vicious jealousy he feels towards Reader.

Although the last part of what I said lends itself more to the headcanon that I agree with, where Wanderer considered Dottore some kind of father/mentor figure, judging by how much of his personality he picked up and the mimicking among other small details.

I could also give my thoughts on Dottore picking up someone off the streets, but this is already egregiously long.

I know you were mostly going for fluff but I couldn’t resist adding some appropriate angst in regards to two of my favorite characters. I really didn’t mean to be rude to strryskies when they sent that ask, it just got me thinking and gave me the courage to send you my thoughts <3

My apologies for the poorly formatted rambles, I love you and I hope these thoughts of mine weren’t annoying!

hi bug!!!!!! it's not rude at all <3 you're welcome to add onto any thoughts i talk about if they inspire you!

UGH THIS IS SO INSANELY REAL AUGH the reader is so infinitely perfect in ways that scaramouche never was and never could be. there's always a weird, fond tenderness about dottore when he speaks to them, teaches them, instructs them (and something tells me he knows it would piss scaramouche off; i can see dottore purposefully being that way to them in front of scara just to see what happens). and why should they care what happens to scara, to dottore's other subjects? sorry you guys just aren't as good as they are 🤷‍♀️ sucks to be a failure of an experiment. couldn't be them. /hj /lh but really. they have little to no reason to care--it is not their place to question the morality and ethics what their beloved creator, their beloved father, does. anyways, i'm sure they would take on a trait similar to his calculated madness as they learn from him, so the nature of his experiments ultimately wouldn't bother them either way.

(i think there's something to be said about how kindness breeds greater loyalty; scaring people into obedience isn't particularly effective. the reader, who has only ever been treated lovingly and has only ever been doted on by the doctor, wouldn't be keen on disobeying him regardless. how do you betray someone who has only ever loved you? you don't. no appeal to ethics or morality would get through to them, i think. people like scara and collei, who suffered at his hand, would naturally be more willing to act out. but the reader? nah. they don't give a shit. that's their father, their creator. nothing you say will convince them that they should be bothered by his actions.)

dottore has long since lost his humanity, and they are only an imitation of human life. both could perhaps be said to be monsters hiding in human skin. so, what dottore does to humanity... well. there's plenty of reasons why they're uncaring, but they also don't care because they are not a part of humanity. they exist outside of that realm. so it really just doesn't matter to them.

their feelings towards scara, i think, could be some blend of indifference and disappointment, perhaps. because scara also exists outside the realm of humanity, so why does he keep acting like a helpless little human? it's something they can't really fathom, even at a young age. they're indifferent because he seems to downright hate them and their disappointed because he's just like them, but he's so... emotional. so human. it's weird to them. how is a doll so impossibly and so infinitely human? it is so, so strange to them.

i do think that when he becomes the wanderer, he might come to some sort of conclusion as to what makes him and the reader so different, and it may very well just boil down to who they were raised and surrounded by in their youths. scaramouche, who was surrounded by humans and humanity, versus the reader, surrounded by monsters with bared fangs (though never in their direction). doesn't change much about how he feels about them, though. he still hates them so so so much. doesn't matter how young they are; being in the skin of a child does not change what hides underneath.

but i definitely agree with that! i think scaramouche viewed him in that type of way. if you want to send more thoughts, you are more than welcome to do so!!!! i would love to read them <3

again, there is nothing to apologize for!!!!! love you too, and i wasn't, don't worry!!! i love getting these types of asks heheh

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 139

October 22, 2020

A little over two weeks have passed… And the fires of cancellation have died down.

Or at least that’s what it seems right now.

I’ve been spending these weeks mostly alone in the apartment I rent. I go out to work, come back, and sleep through the day and night. The only other stop along the way is to buy groceries at a small shop around the corner. I love the relationship I have there with the shopkeepers there, especially with the one that’s almost always there when I go. I don’t even know what his name is, but I care for him. I ask him how he's doing, I commiserate with him when I get to watch another customer act like an asshole (which happens way more often than any of us would like), and in general we always exchange some chit-chat about life’s happenings.

As cool as our relationship is, however, there’s something between us that he probably doesn’t even suspect—and that I have to ignore every time we interact.

He doesn’t know that I’m not who I present as. I’m not the nice neighbor (he/him), no; I’m the nice neighbor (she/her). I’m sure of that now.

The same thing happens at work. As much as I care for S.L. or anybody else in the company (who, I must say, for the most part have been nothing but great to me), I can’t help but feel that whatever relationship we have is just not real. And it’s not their fault! It is all mine.

Which brings me back to the reason why I’m writing you (or to you, I’m still not sure how to do this). Last Sunday was my mother’s birthday, and it was the first time I visited since the pandemic started. I was so happy to see them all (both of my sisters still live with them, as well as our three dogs!). We talked and ate and laughed as we always seem to do these days, and it pained me to have to return to my apartment at the end of the day. I just wanted to stay with them forever.

But the ghost of pretending appeared here as well. At one point during our neverending lunch I was about to open up and tell them about my discovery about who I truly think and feel I am, but… I just couldn’t. I couldn’t ruin another of my mother’s birthday, as I did accidentally twenty-something years ago. All of them (parents and sisters alike) told me many nice things and they displayed their love for me in many actions, both big and small.

And the thing is, as happy as it makes me to finally (?) know who I am (at least in one sense), a) I’m not 100% sure of my ideas and discoveries over the past few months (now less so than ever) and b) I’m not sure how they’d react. I have some hope for my sisters (especially the youngest, who’s a self-declared feminist), but my parents? My father couldn’t look at me when I was wearing make up during my “goth phase” (their words, not mine. It was never a phase! I’m still a goth). And my mother? Well, she’s always been there for me… with a few key exceptions. And those exceptions are the ones that set the fear of rejection deep in my heart and mind.

What’s worse, however, is that I may not get the chance to tell them my truth before they find out through third parties.

I was stupid enough to mention the cancellation catastrophe and they were obviously shocked and angry. Both of my sisters, especially, were ready to jump into the web and start arguing with J.N. and the rest.

I had to stop them, not so much because I didn’t want them to defend me (or upset them), but because J.N. included in the cancellation my “supposedly coming out as trans” as part of her accusations.

So, although I was able to stop my sisters then and there, I can’t be sure they won't go looking over for the cancellation stuff, perhaps just to get an idea of what they’re saying about me. And if any of them finds out about the trans stuff, I’m sure they’ll tell my parents. Not out of any desire to harm me, I’m sure, but just as a way to share info and try to support me as best as they can.

So: in other words, it may be just a matter of time before I’m outed to my family indirectly by J.N. and whoever else supports her. Considering that, I’d much rather tell them myself and risk whatever consequences may come from it. At least in this way I retain some sense of control over my private life and my thoughts and feelings.

I don’t know how much time I have left, but I just know I couldn’t do it in that moment. Maybe next time I visit? I don’t know when that’ll be, though. Most probably Christmas, but I may need to find a way to do so on a date that isn’t something special that can be ruined. I hope I can muster the courage quick enough to go through with this sooner rather than later.

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[crow-posting]

Earlier I said I wasn't going to post my thoughts on Week 4 of Act I.

I lied. :)

When Saint said, "I'm just a copy of a copy of a copy," I could see that coming from a mile away. Do I believe he's a simulation? No (see this post for thoughts that are more coherent than mine). Do I believe anything that's currently being said about Saint? Absolutely not, given the unknown nature of the Conductor, the Sundial, and so on. But whether he's a temporal paradox, displaced in time like Elsie, or something else, I really only have one reaction:

How am I supposed to feel sad about anything? Saint-14 the Guardian is a "ship of Theseus" like all Lightbearers are. Saint-14 the Exo is an echo of Saints 1-13. Saint-1 was a copy of the human Saint. If that wasn't enough, Saint is the partner of Osiris, a man known for his Reflections, who could have easily explained the nature of Saint's return (we literally saved him with a gun named Perfect Paradox) and the experience of being a "copy." In my mind, Saint's identity crisis is/was entirely avoidable from the get-go, Conductor shenanigans or not. We know who Saint is even when personhood is called into question. It can be traced, like Uldren/Crow and Ana and Micah.

(Might add more on Guardians and personhood later.)

But even if Saint's identity crisis was inevitable, why is it so bad Osiris is finally dealing with the consequences of his actions? Grieving or not, he has a history of overestimating his ability to Make Things Happen, from Dendron to Rohan. The only consequence he couldn't circumvent was Sagira's death, and he lost her through no fault of his own. But everything else was of his own making, so why should I feel sorry for him?

As much as I love O14, this feels like an entirely manufactured crisis that exists for The Angst. I feel like Savathûn when she says, "Oh no! Who could have foreseen this? :)" anytime someone says she is next. Sure, hindsight is 20/20, but I see it more as a miscommunication trope than a real issue. Cayde "came back wrong" - Osiris just fucked up.

And since "we" [the Young Wolf] were Osiris' co-conspirators in bringing Saint back, we're stuck with the aftermath too. (That "apology at a later date" better be printed on parchment.)

I get that conflict moves The Plot forward, esp. in a game like Destiny. And I do appreciate the effort that the writers put in, even when it falls flat sometimes. But god do I wish I could snark at Osiris while doing my silly little tasks for him and Saint, because 70% of this shouldn't have happened the way it did. Maybe not even at all. As said in Hamilton, "Congratulations, you've invented a new kind of stupid."