#the fault was mine. this all happened because of my actions and no one elses.

[ventcode]

i cant even sleep. this is bad. just caught up in my own thoughts.

[gayofthefae]

"I should have explained myself because maybe then Eleven would have taken me with her, but - I don't know. I didn't know what to say."

That isn't what he said the first time.

"I should have said something. And maybe if I had said that thing, Eleven would want me there with her."

The sentiment of him being with her and knowing/ensuring she's safe is consistent. But he isn't actually repeating himself. There's no need for him to as a person and as a screenwriter, repetition should DEFINITELY be cut.

He's changing. He's brainstorming. He's starting to consider other angles of the "could have"s. The "what if"s.

He starts with "what if I'd just forced an 'I love you'". But I think he likely settles on what we can logically deduce for ourselves in that situation - "I made the right choice prioritizing with what I knew of the consequences at the time".So he changes. He changes.

He changes to "I should have explained myself".

"Explained myself" is NOT the same as "said that thing" and that is VITAL.

I should have just sucked it up and told her I loved her if it meant keeping her safe.

No, I did the best I could with the information I had

I should have told her the truth. Maybe she would have taken it better if I had just told her that I don't love her but it's my fault, not hers. Now she thinks it's hers and that I'm hiding it.

And, perfect timing, Will comes in with (in Mike's pov) "It makes sense why you didn't, though, don't beat yourself up. She was gonna get hurt either way and everything would have been a risk as to how much."

And Mike nods. And the next time we see him, he's saying

"Will she still even want me in her life if I can't give her the love she wants? All I can do now is to make sure she knows it isn't her fault, that's the selfless act I can do for her, but if I confess I don't love her, what other use am I to her? Will doing what's best for her by telling her it's not her fault, it's mine, instead of continuing to lie make me lose her?"

He says "explain". He starts with "maybe I should have changed the 'what'". Then he shifts to "maybe I should changed what she thought of the 'why'". Ironically, his question in the van once he's come to that conclusion is "how?".

The first pitch he makes is "maybe I should have told her I loved her" and Will says "don't worry, you'll have another chance", and he turns away and introspectively reacts with

aversion.

But then he says "maybe I should have just explained the real reason behind my actions instead of denying them all together" and Will says "that's a scary thing to do. It's a hard decision. You're doing your best", and he turns away and introspectively reacts with

understanding.

Honestly, being understood. And sometimes that's what you need to find understanding. He's been confused this whole time, that's been his whole thing, but he looks like he's starting to piece something together now - finally. Will put his own feelings into words for him to hear out loud so could finally get them and get them in a validated way.

Instinctively, he knew the first one was easier but wrong. He didn't want to lie to her. Both times Will said "if that's what you want to do, I believe in you", but only once did he agree. He knew it felt like the wrong choice the first time and you can see it. The second time was a new choice he was considering.

And you know what? While we're here. Telling her he loves her: aversion. Telling her the truth: understanding and drive. What happens next?

He expresses "what if when I tell her the truth, as I've decided is the right choice, she appreciates it but doesn't need me for anything else beyond that?" And Will says "she'll stay. You got this.", and he reacts with

Comfort.

He didn't know what to do. Then he did, but he was scared to do it. Then he wasn't so scared anymore.

He's thrilled to see her and forgets for a second but - much like El with Will on roller rink day - is reminded by seeing Will that now that she's actually here, it's real. He's committed to his actions and they're impending.

But he's not so scared anymore. Bravery, though, doesn't mean no nerves. He's hesitant and not happy looking when he talks to her about it first. He tries to lighten the mood - "the whole world went to shit and everything" - and he's watching her reactions like a hawk. It feels like less of a risk now enough that he can do it, but not so little that he isn't scared. Either way though, it's worth the risk for her to know the problem isn't her.

He didn't know what to do. Now he does. He was scared, but he's not as much anymore. Not too much to do it. They're interrupted. Okay, oh well, he'll find another time.

And now to break your heart:

Mike had an idea, Will said it was good, but Mike met that with aversion.

Mike had an idea, Will said it was good, Mike met that with understanding and agreement.

Mike was scared, Will said he had no reason to be, Mike met that with comfort.

(I'm sorry) Mike was scared for El - unrelated - and looked to Will for comfort - as he had every other time - when he tapped him on the shoulder, Will said he should tell her he loves her, and he reacts with

anguish.

This was not Mike's plan.

This was not their plan, so he thought.

Mike's reaction tells us everything about what he knew and what he meant for what's to come. This was not what he meant. That was not what he was going to say. This was not his plan.

And there's that part of you too that always wishes to go back to semi-ignorant bliss. Even if just panicked confusion. Because wasn't it nice: when telling her you loved her evoked this

And not this

Wasn't it nice when you knew...just a little less?

Wasn't it nice, in a way, when you couldn't see the happy ending so clearly?

Don't you sort of miss - when you couldn't taste it?

also fuck it for just for that list bit and the bridge of this song here's my illicit affairs edit linked because "you showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else"

[ask-the-archs]

Hello, my little travellers, it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me directly… or do I call you my questiers? It is so hard to remember at times… ah, no matter. It has been a while since you both have been conscious, so maybe now it is time for you to awaken…

🔆Who are you?🔆

I am me, the person behind the words on a screen that makes your stories. Though I have stories of my own that I live through, so I am not the end, nor can anyone truly be the end, nor should they.

🔆But why us? Why me?🔆

Because it was not meant to be your ends, not permanently, at least. In all honesty, I needed a break from writing your quests, your stories, your good and bad times.

I am sure that you, Apollo, will remember those times when things didn’t quite make full sense, not coherently, at least.

I am sure that you remember a time when you were called differently, and did not correct anyone for a long time.

I am sure that you remember parents who only loved you after you died.

I am sure that you remember inventing life in your own way, with Sionnach, Ean and even Flicker.

I am sure that you remember what happened up until it all stopped. Up until your world, your version of existence ground to a halt.

🔆I… how do you… what about them?🔆

They will not remember anything from before this, a blessing and a curse. They have not had rest for as long as you in their infinitely longer existence. Not that that is wholly not my fault, but sometimes the words on a screen become animated into something slightly more than just characters. You change and morph and move into your own beings, and tend to gain the attention of more beings on my level of existence.

“Why do you care what happens to us?”

You are my stars come to life, your stories are based in truths I have experienced, and truths others have experienced. Your pain, joy, grief, suffering, sadness and everything else are all based in some truths.

I care because you are mine, your stories, your very existence is mine to tell and twist and rework.

I care because I am one of the beings watching over your universe and I created you both out of love, to give love.

I care because I am the one who gave you life as you knew it, and the one who took your lives away to give your souls a break.

I care because you are light itself, the guidance and the bringer of day respectively.

I care because you are yourselves, and that, in itself, is enough for me to care for you.

“But what if you’re wrong?”

What do you think I am wrong about, little travelling questier?

“What if I fail at all you said is my fate?”

Then I am wrong, and you fail. There is nothing wrong with failing, it means you tried.

But the universe truly loves you, little travelling questier.

🔆But what of me? Is anything as I once knew it to be?🔆

Some things have stayed similar, though you will be interacting with new people more often than not. The universe is cruel, even to the ones it loves, but it does also love you, Apollo.

There are some things that neither of you will be able to understand just yet, and there will be memories that remain just out of reach for both of you.

“Both of us?”

Yes, both of you, bright star.

“Why are you calling me that?”

You are the personification of the first star of the night, the star of guidance and hope, but you are also called many other things. Gabriel is one of them, in the universe you are from.

“What gained me that name?”

You are the hero of your god, which gave you that for a name. It is a good name because you are a good person.

“What makes me a person, let alone a good one?”

Because you are words on a screen.

Because you are actions in a world that you made your own.

Because you are alive and dead and nothing and everything.

You are a person because you exist as you are and as you were, and you are good because you are you.

You are the first star of the night, the orienter and guider, the guardian of all of those who happen to be in your radius. You are Gabriel.

But when you awaken, you will not remember who you used to know, who you used to love. You will not remember your partner or parent or siblings or family, you will not even remember you had such a thing.

🔆Is that not mean? For them to know they had all of that but not remember?🔆

It is as it is, my questier.

🔆How come they get a nickname beyond that?🔆

Because you have moved far beyond the base title I gave you as a nerdy questier, and because they will always remain a traveller at heart, even when they are unable to act on it.

But now, it has been long enough that I have held you away from your world, your lives, your journeys.

Now, you are both going to be alive, and you are not going to be the same as you were.

Now, you know that the universe loves you, and that you are loved.

Now, you are aware that you are words on a screen.

Now, you are aware that your lives, your words, your thoughts and feelings and actions, are being watched over by many of my friends.

Now, you are going to awaken and find a new normal, away from the maker of your quests.

.

.

.

Wake Up.

.

.

.

*Two figures of light, one completely white, while the other is made of a rainbow of colours, but mainly blue and green, appear in Lucifer’s throne room.*

(Open RP starter!

@aspenvelaz , @king--of--ducks , @the-very-nerdy-blogger , @the-0verseer-watches , @penguinmaster9999 , @headlessdeaddancer , @featheryhoe , @bigdoginthesky )

(🔆Apollo🔆 can be found @apollo-and-co )

[kyber-crystal]

scarlet ibis (songbird) || anakin skywalker

summary: they say the purest love takes the longest time, and your story is nothing short of that. there’s fragility within beauty and to him, you’re a mosaic of stained glass (alt title: 5 times you call anakin skywalker by his last name, and 1 time you finally call him by his first.)

words: ~3.2k

warnings: angst, mild violence, mentions of blood + death (but no major character death dw), two oblivious idiots in love

a/n: 2nd place fic from my mini poll! not my best work LOL, but i think this is one of my favorite fics i've written (so far). i've had this in drafts for about a year or so as well...

one

It was safe to say that even a nanosecond of interacting with Anakin Skywalker made your blood boil. 

He knew just how to push all your buttons and you hated it. How could one person exist for seemingly one purpose only—to piss you off—you didn’t understand it and weren’t sure if you ever would. “Loyal Jedi” my ass. 

If you were the first person to speak up during meetings, he was also the first to counter your points and shoot you down. If you were late to meals in the mess hall, he took the last roll of bread, so you’d have to wait an extra half hour for more to come out. If you were dueling together, he would always point out every microscopic flaw in your technique. You were sure that your head would explode at any moment by his existence alone.

This is so ridiculous—you’re ridiculous.

“You know I can hear you, right?” Anakin glanced at you in his peripheral vision. ���Don’t be mad because my plan worked, and yours didn’t. There’s this thing called accepting defeat.”

“Just because I don’t do things the way you do doesn’t mean they’re wrong.”

“They’re not wrong, but they’re not safe. You can’t declare safety compromisation a success. There’s a clear difference between the two.”

You scoffed. “Since when did you, out of all people, account for safety?”

“I should be asking you the same thing.”

“You’re not answering my question.”

“And you’re not answering mine, either.” He reaches behind his ear and turns his comms on. “Now are we going to head home or what?” 

“Aye aye, General,” you responded sarcastically, rolling your eyes. “Let’s embark on the journey of a lifetime.” 

Awkward silence pierces the air like a dozen tiny needles, but you’ll take it over arguing with a wall any day. You knew what you were fighting for and why. You were confident in your actions and believed you always stood on the right side. 

Except, he didn’t. 

It was a quick two day recon and you got the job done in half the allotted time. In and out faster than you could blink. Of course, Anakin would find fault in that one way or another…and he did. You got caught as you were escaping…dragging the mission duration out by an extra day.

Granted, you were only delayed by a few hours, but it was enough to upset him. You couldn’t even feel the ropes digging into your wrists after hour two, anyway. But from the moment he broke in and saw the first speck of blood on you, a look of fury flashed across his eyes. I’d be surprised if he had even half a heart under all that thick skin, you grumbled to yourself. He’ll slice at anything that moves. 

“You know—” Anakin’s voice breaks through the tension-filled air. He wants to say something else, but the words get stuck in the back of his throat and his tongue goes numb.

“I don’t care.” You pick at your scabbing wounds, not caring that they’re starting to sting and peel all over again. Before he can catch you doing so, you tug your sleeves over them and grit your teeth. “We got the job done, Skywalker, that’s all that matters.”

two

Maybe it was time to stop trying to commit mass murder on the punching bags. They weren’t going to do anything except break after two minutes of merciless attacks. 

Hopefully…you wouldn’t get in trouble for the glass vase that happened to get in your path. Nobody ever bothered to wander to the west wing of the Temple often enough to notice, anyway.

As you clenched and unclenched your fists, the cracks in your knuckles slowly started to stretch out like thin, red spiderwebs. The dots of brilliant ruby seemed to glitter among the pristine flooring—almost like they were meant to be there from the start. 

With every shard you threw away, the cracks and fury dug themselves further into your skin, threatening to explode.

You didn’t even need to look up afterward to know his scalding gaze was on you again.  

“Are you trying to get an infection?”

“Fuck off.”

He ignored your biting reply and kneeled down to clean up the mess. Once he was done, he stood back up and grabbed you by the wrist, leading you down the hall to his quarters.

As soon as he sat you down at the edge of his bed, you shot him a death glare. “What in Force’s name is your problem?”

“My problem,” Anakin replied, “is that you’re about to bleed all over the place. Let me help.”

“I don’t need fixing, Skywalker,” you snapped. “It’s just a cut.”

Anakin raised a brow at you, then looked down at your hands. “Too bad, I think you do. Broken glass will buryinto places you don’t expect.”

“Then you’re severely underestimating what I’m capable of. So let me go,” you snapped, jerking your wrist out of his grip. You unfortunately did this too fast, and hissed in pain as a result. “I’m fine.”

Sighing, the young Jedi reaches for the bacta pads next to him and works carefully to patch you up. He pretends not to notice the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. Or the way you pick at the skin by your thumb, or the way your left foot taps the floor in a nervous rhythm. He pretends not to notice everything you do, but you’re everywhere. It frustrates him because he can’t escape. 

“Why do I have a feeling that exterminating the centuries-old vase of magic and splendor wasn’t in your original plan?”

“I was,” your voice wavers, fingers twitching. He notices this, too. “Leave me be.”

Shadows of the late afternoon light dance across the bridge of your nose, and he lets himself stare for a bit longer than normal. And…being who you two are, neither of you realize the fact.  

“You can go now, if you want,” he finally says after the sun begins descending into the horizon. “But make sure not to overexert yourself again.”

You don’t move. You stay there; quietly sitting in the middle of his room with glistening cheeks. Anakin doesn’t bother asking you to leave a second time. 

A fallen angel trapped in an endless prison; a halo and fractured wings that rendered her unable to fly. And yet, amidst all that death and despair, nothing could mar her beauty.

He feels those same little spiderwebs running through his palms, and he feels them shorten. Just a little bit.

three

The halls of the Temple were eerily quiet early in the morning. You would expect more Jedi to be up before the sun rose, but today, all activity had seemed to stop. Gathering the ends of your cloak into your arms, you made a careful climb up onto the rooftops to watch the sunrise. 

It seemed like you weren’t the only one who had this in mind, though.

“The hell are you doing at this hour?” 

“I could ask you the same exact thing,” Anakin replied as he stood up and turned around to face you. “You’re going to fall.” 

“I’m fine, don’t—” You let out a small squeak as you lose your footing and slip. Luckily, though, he catches you in time by wrapping an arm around your waist and holding on tight. Fire shoots through your veins at the feeling of him pressed up against you. “Let go of me, Skywalker!”

Once he leads you to where you can get more stable footing, he lets you go. But even then, there’s a hand that hovers over the small of your back. 

Brilliant bursts of sunlight stream over the horizon and wash over the world in pale red and pink. It stops you from saying something snarky to Anakin because you’re speechless at the breathtaking sight above. 

“I have…something for you,” he clears his throat. “—And don’t hit me. I’m not trying to poison you.” 

“Okay…?”

He reaches into his cloak pocket and pulls out what appears to be jewelry of some kind. 

“How many innocent beings did you kill to get this? Please don’t tell me it was smuggled. Or that you robbed someone for it. I can’t keep something like that.” 

“Y/N.” 

“What?”

“Do you…like it?”

You paused and took one good look at the necklace in his hand. It had to be the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen in all twenty years of living, and even that was an understatement. A teardrop-shaped, deep vermillion stone encased by tiny, glittering jewels—it was as if he had captured the stormclouds himself. It was perfect—too perfect, almost. 

Your voice came out in a whisper. “It’s so pretty.”

He takes a careful step to stand behind you in response. His fingers brush against your neck as he puts the necklace on, and fireworks explode behind your eyes.

Without another word, you turn towards him and rest your chin on his shoulder. He pulls you closer, and your heart feels a little fuller than before. 

four

The warzone was an ugly place. 

If hell was a real thing, this had to be it. The sky is bleeding red and each burst of lightning splits it further apart, the smell of death swirling around with the debris. Battle droids push forward in a stampede and you try your best to ignore the sickening crunch of bone beneath their metal feet. You squeeze your eyes shut as you tighten your hold around your lightsaber and pray to every god out there in the universe because war was cruel and mean and you just wanted to go home and sleep forever because anything, absolutely anything, was better than the suffering you were having to endure now. 

When the shot originally meant for Anakin hits you in the side, you’re unable to fully comprehend the pain because your brain won’t let you. You force yourself to keep going. Pain was temporary…you’d deal with the aftermath later. You could afford to.

What feels like hours passes by and the gunfire doesn’t stop. The incessant ringing in your ears is something you’ve forced yourself to grow accustomed to. 

“Y/N!” Anakin’s voice manages to cut through the howling winds. “You need to—”

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence before a grenade detonates near you and throws you against the walls. A searing pain shoots through your body at the impact and the world tilts on its axis. Scarlet seeps into your tear-stained vision and suddenly, the whole world is drenched in blood.

This was it…

If you were going to die now, it would be as far from pretty as you could possibly get. 

It’s another slow few minutes before he finally finds you slumped against the stone. Somehow, you manage to shoot him a small smile before wincing. “Took you long enough to get here.” 

“You…”

“Oh, wow, I’ve been shot,” you let out a dry laugh, pressing a hand over your wound. The color immediately drained from his face as he saw blood seeping through your fingers. “That’s a whole lot of red.”

He crouches down next to you to assess your state, pressing the commlink in his ear as he does so. “Why is it that you’re always getting hurt?” 

“My middle name is Trouble, that’s why.” You cough, and more red drips down your lips. “Trouble follows me around wherever I go.”

“It’s not fair,” Anakin mumbled under his breath, applying pressure to your torso as you wince again. “I’m supposed to be jumping in front of bullets for you and getting close to being blown up, not the other way around.” 

“I decided that your massive ego needed a little break so I took the workload for you,” you snarked. “Happy now, Skywalker?”

For the first time ever, he doesn’t bite back with an equally sarcastic response. You don’t question it. “No. I’m not.”

The returning journey's dead silent, save for your labored breathing due to your cracked ribs. You try to sit up, but he places a firm hand on your shoulder to keep you from moving. 

“I told you I’m fine—”

“You need to rest,” he exhales, the distress and tiredness evident in his eyes. “Please.”

“Okay…”

Wordlessly, Anakin reaches over to cup his hands over yours and and brings them to his lips. A pleasant sense of warmth overtakes you and you can almost pretend like the ship’s heater isn't broken and you’re melting, little by little. And if you look closer, you can see clusters of galaxies and shooting stars behind his steel blue eyes. The thought alone comforts you and starts to lull you to sleep. 

His eyes shift to the necklace; the gemstone sits still against your sternum as your chest rises and falls. Beauty among chaos. He wonders every day how such stark differences can coexist in a peaceful manner. 

“For what it’s worth,” he murmurs long after you’ve drifted off, “I never really hated you.”

five

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

You placed your hands on your hips as you observed the pitiful scene before you. The Jedi Order could host extravagant events and use expensive artillery and clones, but wouldn’t account for comfortable sleeping accommodations. Making a mental note to politely complain to Master Windu, you let out a long sigh. 

“If I stretch out, I’ll fall off,” Anakin pointed out as he too stared at the small queen bed (you were sure it was a twin, though). 

“I’d fall off, too.”

“You know what…I’ll take the floor. I don’t want to hear you complaining about back pain in the morning.” 

He was about to take his pillow and toss it to the floor before you grabbed his wrist. “Are you nuts? I can’t let you do that.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” 

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know, share the bed without kicking me in the middle of the night?”

Both of you stopped and stared at each other at this. 

“The audacity you have to say that when you’re the kicker…” Anakin began. 

“I’m using the bathroom first.” You pushed past him to go wash up. “Don’t be a bed hog, Skywalker.”

Minutes later, you’re both settled in under the covers and have fallen into a comfortable silence. The only things you can hear are the crickets chirping outside and Anakin’s steady breathing. If you ignored the fact that you were on a mission and crammed into an incredibly tiny motel room, you could imagine that this was a peaceful weekend getaway to some tropical planet. 

You’re the first one to break the silence and speak up. “Do you wonder when the war will end? Or if it’ll end at all?”

“All the time.” He rolls over on his side to face you. “And what I’d do afterwards.”

“Where would you go?”

Anakin hums for a moment before responding. “I don’t know. You?”

“I’d go back to Naboo. To the lakes, where the water is so clear you can see your future, and the roses are redder than your face under the summer sun. Padme would take me there all the time when we were younger.” 

“I think I’d follow you, then.”

“But there’s sand, and lots of it,” you laughed. “Are you sure?”

“I’d be willing to bear its coarse, rough, and irritating qualities for you. Only once, though. I have my limits.”

Your heart warms at the mini confession. “I wish we could just end everything now. Call off the troops, sign a few treaties or something…end the war. I’m tired of the violence and bloodshed. I know everyone else is too.”

“I know.”

Anakin’s hand finds its way into yours, and the tension in your shoulders slowly unravels as your fingers lace with his. 

And all the cracked and bleeding crevices on your skin start healing the longer you lean into his touch. It’s like he has a needle and spool of thread in hand, and he’s slowly but surely stitching you back together. 

plus one

The giant metropolis of Coruscant had gone quiet under blankets of snow—it was a sight unlike any other. You hadn’t seen a speck of snow hit since you stepped foot onto the Jedi Temple as a child. 

You stood alone in the hangar bay with bated breath and reddened, frostbitten fingers. Like you’d dipped them in blood before letting them dry for a bit.. He had to be here any minute now; you didn’t want him to return and not have anyone to welcome him back. So despite the subzero temperatures and barely-healing knuckles, you remained in place. 

When his ship touches down and he hops out with a wide smile, you can feel a giant weight being lifted off your chest. He jogs toward you and brings you in for a crushing embrace, and for once, you finally feel at home. 

“It’s freezing. What are you doing here?” He’s sweating, even though he looks like he should be cold. “You should’ve headed inside.”

“I waited for you, what else would I be doing?”

Anakin grins again and hugs you even tighter. “I missed you. More than anything.” 

Your heart suddenly starts to ache at his admission and that’s when the realization kicks in. “I thought I lost you, Anakin. You could’ve died. I couldn’t sleep for three days after I lost your signal. And yet you’re standing here acting like it’s no big deal because at least you’re alive and in one piece.”

“Y/N…”

A chill runs down your spine and you know in that moment that it has nothing to do with the weather. You knew this wasn’t right; you weren’t supposed to be doing this, but it felt more natural than anything you’d ever done.

That’s when you find an Anakin-shaped shard of glass wedged deep in your heart and you don’t know how it found its way there, but you don’t even bother pulling it out. Glass splinters are supposed to be these jagged, disfigured things, but this one is beautiful and even shines amongst the rubble. It’ll bury its way into places you don’t expect. With the way he fits against your body, you can’t help but feel like he was meant to fill the gaping hole in your heart. So wholly, so perfectly without a single scratch or flaw. 

You look up at him and feel your breath get caught in your throat. Since when did he make you so nervous? 

He’s even closer now and so are you, so you press your mouth to his as if doing so would save you from falling apart. Your brain short-circuits, and as you sink into the sudden burst of warmth you realize you don’t want this to end.

“Took you long enough,” he mumbles against your skin as you pull apart. “I was starting to wonder when…”

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment,” you muttered before bringing your hand to his cheek and kissing him a second time. He doesn’t object and tightens his hold around you, and a fire spreads through you from head to toe. 

“I love you,” Anakin says after a while. “Even though you like sand, and I don’t.”

“I knew that already,” you joked with a smile and close your eyes, taking in a deep breath. “You’re not exactly the most subtle person ever.”

“Neither are you,” he chuckles.

“But I love you too.”

tags, including people who may be interested: @arkofblake @dameronology @fl0ating @voguesir @lady-elena-adeline @aliciaasky @katelynnwrites @freeshavocadoooo @buckysbeloved @kelieah @kaleidoscope1967eyes @lam-ila @unstablecaffeinatedmind @elenavampire21 @joyfullyswimmingface

add yourself to the general taglist/top gun specific taglist !

[brainworms-all-night-long]

Ah anyway, I mentioned wanting to rewrite that mine scene from arcane s2 yea, alas autism took over and maybe one day some day I will rewrite it with the Actual Sisters in mind instead of the hedge-fox siblings

Either way please enjoy 2,827 words of tension between siblings and maybe open doors to some sort reconciliation possibility at the end..?

———

"At least they didn't live to see the psycho their child turned into."

"Which one!?" Nine immediately blurted back, a pool of new-sprung resentment brewing at the bottom of their stomach, "I didn't come down here, wearing a spiffy enforcer uniform with new pals, gassing people and shoving topside guns in their faces!"

Sonic seemed genuinely taken aback for a second while Nine went to catch his breath after that wordy sentence.

Of course he didn't think about the actual fallout and implications of his actions until it was thrown into his face after the fact. Typical.

The hedgehog then, took a step forward. His almost toxic green eyes staring daggers at the other as he tried to come up with a reasonable retort.

"Topside guns or not, I tried to fix the mess you made. You have blood on your hands." Taking yet another step, he pointed an accusatory finger at the fox, since the retort was indeed, falling flat, "You blew up whoever Ivo pointed you to without a single thought. You killed and terrorized people, innocent people. Symbol of the Underground's hope my ass, you started a fucking war."

Nine stood his ground, even though they wanted to bite Sonic's nose off.

A fucking hypocrite this guy was.

The gal of him saying that, as if he didn't dawn on a badge that says 'I kill whoever the council tells me to for fun and because I can!'

Not to mention this "war" was long time coming anyway.

Nine didn't go to poor people's houses purposefully releasing poison gas on them and then arresting them en masse. That, alongside all the other shit the council has allowed and ordered to happen, thank you very much.

They simply shot those that got in their way, or fired first. Most "innocent" people had the sense to move out of the way before bullets started flying. Or they wouldn't even be in Nine's line of sight anyway. And if Sonic's talking about Topside, then honestly, that's a whole another can of worms.

"No one Topside is innocent." Nine hissed, "They're the reason we don't have a mom and dad you know. Or Chuck, in his regular non-murderous, hedgehog form. Or Eggman... Although ok, the last one might be a slight stretch, it-it still counts."

Sonic rolled his eyes at the drop of seriousness in the fox's tone.

"Eggman got whatever he deserved." He scoffed with air quotes around the nickname. "He poisoned you and the Undercity enough. He's the reason Chuck is dead and that I was thrown in jail for I don't even know how many years and that you turned into–" He paused, wildly gesturing to Nine's entire frame. "This."

Nine pinned their ears back at such a careless dismissal.

Not only of Eggman, but them, and the entirety of the Undercity. While Nine could hardly dream of ever achieving Eggman's efficiency at political planning by pulling the strings, they sure as hell won't have all those years of effort go to waste.

Sure he wasn't perfect, and like, got people killed and addicted to dead God drugs, but it finally got the Topside assholes scared of consequences for what they're doing down here.

For what they've done to their brother.

Sonic had no idea what he was talking about.

Just how bad has that enforcer bastard brainwashed him...

Nine wished there was at least a sliver of acknowledgement of just how much that old man meant to them.

And now he was gone. By no one else's fault but their own...

"Ivo didn't make me do anything." Nine resolutely shook their head, derailing their train of thought into background noise and clicked their mechanical tails together in annoyance, "And guess what, he actually fucking appreciated me for what I was. Unlike some people." They shot their brother a glare, pinning the 'someone' onto his stupid big blue forehead. Or green. By Chaos that green dye was stupid. Why did he go with green...

The hedgehog only balked, actually jabbing the finger into the X formed by the string holding their old, tattered shirt together.

"He turned you into his perfect little killing machine! Manipulated you so well that even after his death you can't see that! Everyone hates you because you let him play you like a fiddle and then serve as his mouthpiece of chaos."

Ok, Nine knew Sonic didn't see past that really, really biteable nose sticking from his muzzle, but they wished he chose to pick on literally anything else but the poor old man.

"He was doing the exact same you used to, allow me to remind you." Nine pointed a finger of their own, actually stabbing it into the hedgehog's chest as they twisted their face in vitriol.

"Except, you know, he didn't chicken out when I finally made my bombs explode properly."

Sonic didn't move, but his expression temporarily lost its edge, a grim memory resurfacing.

Nine took a stern step back, rising to their full height (which was just slightly above Sonic's anyway), and put their hands on their hips.

"That is to say; keep Eggman's name out of your mouth and keep walking."

Sonic scoffed, letting his hand drop. He took a sharp breath before stepping to the side, trudging deeper into the mine.

Of course Nine fully intended to drop the conversation there, but the bag was already cut open, might as well get that cat out of it.

"There's someone else I'd say played you like a fiddle." They turned on his heel dramatically, trailing after their brother, who opted to pretend they weren't there apparently. He didn't spare even an ear flick in their direction while the tap of those oversized prism-kicks periodically triggered the bioluminescent fungus when hitting a stray bolt or pebble.

"Where is he now? That fancy-pants topside, no-fun-at-all." The silent treatment didn't deter Nine in the slightest, "Don't tell me he dumped you so soon. You were suuuch a perfect couple." the last sentence was leaking sarcasm of course.

Sonic though, kept silent. The only change to his face was a progressively deepening scowl.

"Did he send you to the pit or you actually got some sense into you and left on your own?"

"Can it Jinx. Before I do something I regret again."

The hedgehog suddenly exploded and fully faced him, balling his hands into fists at his sides.

"Aww, gonna punch me in the face again big bro?" The fox teased in a venomous, sing-song voice. That phantom ache on their cheek haunting them for years panged again, but at this point, they learned to ignore it. "You kind of fell off though, used to be better at it."

Then that fist was raised above their face, adrenaline from a seemingly endless fight bleeding from their veins, sternum uncomfortably crushed beneath hot metal plates and—

All Sonic did was shot him a silent warning glare. The plates on his kicks reconfigured, hissing out steam.

Nine blinked the flash memory away, pulling their lips in a frown

"Sheesh, you really are in a mood today. Almost like you're not happy to see me or something."

At that he sighed through his teeth, hanging his head low.

"Hm, go figure."

Silent treatment. Again. The darkness of the tunnel became thicker, almost physical as they went on. Particles of near static dust parted before them after every loud metal step. The quite literal monster lurking somewhere in there was stashed into the backlog of noise.

Neither of them might've been saying anything, but of course, Nine's head was anything but empty. A stray screeching in his ears, clink of metal against rock and a few pebbles falling to the ground. Hard to tell which one of those had an actual physical origin.

In the dim organic light, they observed the stoic silhouette of their brother. Shoulders squared and a steady step. No fear in what he might bump into between the flickers of light. At least he appeared so. Those spines of his were hard to read when so messed up and badly groomed, they looked to be on end almost constantly.

Nine wasn't afraid of the dark, because they knew what danger await them in there exactly, and everything else was either not real, or could be taken out with a well aimed blast of pure prism energy.

But they remember the days of being scared of the dark, a long, long time ago. But they were scared of a lot of things back then.

There was always a certain someone that would comfort them if it ever became unbearable. Someone that held their hand whenever the monsters would creep in and threaten to snatch them away.

Sonic has never felt as far away as he did now.

He was right there.

Arms reach away.

They could call out to him, grab him by the shoulder, punch him in the face, tackle him to the ground and shoot him in the face— yet for some reason it felt Nine couldn't move any further to the hedgehog then they already were.

A static flicker, Nine could swear the hedgehog had that awful hair dye washed out of his quills and stood much shorter. A reassuring smile on his lips.

A blink and it was gone.

Nine stepped on one side of the eroded mine cart rail, balancing on it with little to no effort as they continued onward.

"You know... I do miss the time when we were kids." Somehow they fished out their voice, stuck somewhere in the back of their throat, "Unaware of the complexity of just how thoroughly fucked everything was. Just you and me, my mistakes and your fixes. Never giving up on me even when everyone else kept telling you to do so..."

Nine was mostly just rattling off thoughts out loud. A sudden bout of reminiscence taking over them. They missed this blue now emo idiot.

We're they actually talking, or just though really hard about doing it? Well it certainly felt like sound was leaving their mouth, so the most likely option was Sonic just deliberately ignored them.

"Until of course, you did give up which... yea ok, fair. But, still think about it from time to time."

No response.

He used to be their entire world.

Now he wouldn't even look at them.

Nine shut their eyes forcibly. Already feeling a familiar chill crawling up their spine.

That reassuring smile was nothing but a hallucination, they knew.

Nine stepped off the rail as it got way too wrinkly and rusted to walk on properly.

That, and their legs were getting wobbly when thinking about the possibility of the memory from which that face came not being real.

It wouldn't be the first time their memory was wrong, there wasn't a whole lot they could fully trust back there.

So maybe...

Maybe all those times they remembered of Sonic taking the blame and the brunt of their "jinxes" weren't real. It's possible, that Sonic never actually cared all that much, or at all.

Maybe the two of them just happened to spend a lot of time together due to one circumstance or another, and in a poor attempt to cope, Nine's mind twisted the words and misinterpreted actions of the past into something that could get them through the day.

Maybe all of those compliments they remembered were meant to be backhanded and Nine, as a desperate and naive child, just didn't catch it.

Because by all the recent evidence, it would make sense.

A grim conclusion, but... Sonic did abandon them, 'I swear, I'm never going to abandon you again..' punched them, 'BECAUSE YOU'RE A JINX!' came back from the dead '...nothing, is ever going to change that.' only to lead a fucking enforcer on their trail and merrily try to kill them alongside that bastard. 'They're not getting away again!'

Trying to look past all that in an attempt at reconciliation was just another big mistake of theirs, wasn't it?

'The two-tails always jinxes everything.'

They really can't fix a single thing, permanently or right.

'Soon enough he'll realize just how much of a liability you are—'

No one will ever want them around.

'Don't cry. You're perfect.'

The only person that ever did is dead.

'...Ray was right—'

'Don't listen to him!'

'who would've expected— Every time she's around— it's almost like you're the— They blew it, again!— never anything right— Just one thing— nothing good—'

And it all began melting into incoherent noise and ringing.

In a futile attempt, they tried to muffle it by clasping their ears as close to their skull as possible. Of course, they knew it wouldn't work, it wasn't possible to shut out the sound of one's own brain there was no way to just turn it off and they tried unholstering their gun to get rid of the closest thing to the cause of this chaos except did they really want to kill their brother here and now of all places and times after they tried to reconcile with him—

It was like they breathed in for the first time after years then, as an audible hiss of steam shot through the suffocating wall of blurry noise and shattered it into temporary silence.

A steady hand was placed on the back of their shoulder, grounding them somewhat back into reality, rubbing gentle circles on their back while the gun fell from their hand and it didn't take too long to clatter. Soon it became clear they were much closer to the ground itself than they initially remembered.

There was a voice, but Nine couldn't process the words at all.

They looked up, meeting green eyes staring down at him. Concern and mild panic were all they saw before the tunnel went completely dark. The only light left being Nine's tails and the prism shards in Sonic's walkers.

The hand which shook the gun from their hand moved to their cheek, cupping it just as gently as the one on their back.

Nine was almost sent barreling straight into another episode for the exact opposite reason if Sonic stayed quiet for one more second.

"...can you hear me, like at all?"

Nine swallowed thickly, after what felt like years of silently gawking at nothing, they regained motor control of their own body enough to nod and speak.

"Loud and c-clear. Clear."

Without any further questions, Sonic pulled their hand over his neck and helped both of them upright.

They stood in silence, neither knowing whether to let go or what to comment on, if anything at all.

Eventually, Sonic decided to be the icebreaker this time, and do it with the smallest voice ever heard from the hedgehog

"Do you... do you deal with that often?"

Nine immediately cracked into a grin

"The voices and hallucinations? Yea. Have been for a while now."

They pried their hands back from the hedgehog, quickly picking up, dusting and holstering their pistol, but made no further attempt at increasing their distance.

"But they've been a lot more chill lately. Eggy's pretty nice, and the rest just pop in from time to time to make sure I don't forget about them or something."

"The rest...?" Sonic asked carefully, taking a natural step back with a glance over his shoulder. The lack of a heavy metal footfall was distinctly notable.

Nine's eyes trailed down, seeing the haphazardly tossed away boots by the tracks a few meters away from the two of them. Huh, Sonic stepped out of his fancy slippers to comfort them, how nice.

"Yea. Mighty, Ray..." Though they began answering pretty nonchalantly, they paused, looking at Sonic innocently, "You."

Sonic audibly grimaced, traces of guilt visible within, before he let out an indescribable noise. And fully turned to retrieve the boots.

The display sounded remorseful enough, so Nine was willing to interpret it as an attempt at a "sorry."

Either way, half of a boulder fell from their chest.

Maybe in the most tucked away corner within Sonic, there was a part that still cared for them. And always has.

The hedgehog tried to lift the Atlas Walkers after they toppled over in what was most likely a hasty stepping out of them. Except he refused to bend down and actually adjust the boots properly so it ended up looking like a really poor attempt at football tricks.

Nine didn't even think to hold back a snicker right before the hedgehog booted himself back up and stood a few centimeters taller.

Still too short to reach their forehead.

They shared a look, even if they couldn't really see the other, and by the time Nine clapped to light up the tunnel, Sonic was already with his back towards them.

The silence going forward was much more bearable. But they only got about two actual steps in when a distant thumping in an otherwise dead silent mine shook the walls.

[blorger]

I just read a hot take vis à vis the Hermione vs Marietta situation that I seriously disagree with but i didn't want to start shit in someone else's reblogs because, at the end of the day, a difference in opinions on a pair of fictional characters in a deeply flawed book series is not exactly something worth being a dick to literal strangers about. Also, their interpretation is just as valid as mine.

That said, here are my Thoughts:

Generally, the prevailing fandom opinions on Hermione's cursing of Marietta in book five are diametrically opposed: some people use it to highlight Hermione's ruthlessness and occasional cruelty (and how it's often excused by the narrative) whereas other people view Marietta to be completely at fault (there's a war going on and she's behaving cowardly). What I see, however, is the clash of two very different realities that have been incongruously coexisting during OotP.

A major theme of OotP is the magical world's unwillingness to acknowledge the fact that Voldemort is back. Most of the students at Hogwarts either don't believe he's back or see this as an abstract problem, something for the adults to worry about. Even the DA is not actually preparing to be an army; they become one at the very end of the book by pure happenstance, when Neville, Luna and Ginny join the golden trio at the dept. of mysteries.

Hermione, by virtue of being near Harry since book 1, is aware of the reality of the situation but someone like Marietta isn't so she's worried about the now, the present implications regarding her family. There's this great quote from Maya's If You've a Ready Mind that's stuck with me for years and explains this perfectly:

(for context: here Ravenclaw! Draco is challenging his friend Hermione on her actions and, by doing so, makes her realise that Marietta did what she did because she didn't view the situation with the same gravity as Hermione)

To Hermione it's already a war but to Marietta its' still just school: Marietta is just a child who's worried about her mother's job and, in weighing that against a banned afterschool activity, decides to give priority to what she sees as the most pressing and real problem. The fact that her worldview and Hermione's differ so starkly is by design: by the end of the book these two realities will have finally clashed to reveal the truth of the wizarding world's situation (they're on the precipice of a war and all that jazz).

Because JKR is JKR, we are meant to be on Hermione's side and admire her clever handling of Marietta the non-believer; the fact that she did not take the DA's secrecy with the same gravitas as our heroes is treated as a moral failing rather than a human mistake.

I find the whole subplot about the radicalisation of literal children to be distasteful; I hate how the books present the second wizarding war as something that NEEDS to be fought by children and how Dumbledore himself encourages it (see: his garbage treatment of Harry, which I'll never get over). I hate it even more when, during actual wartime, most of the resistance ends up falling on their shoulders and, in order for that to happen, the majority of adults end up behaving ineffectually (the Order) or disappointingly (Lupin).

JKR is not doing this to give some realism to the story (because children are forced to grow up too fast in wars), she's doing it because her main characters are teenagers and their heroism needs to make sense in the context of the narrative. JKR artificially created a situation that can only be solved by children and in order for that to happen said children had to be let down by all the adults in their lives.

In conclusion: I hate DH and its depiction of the wizarding war, I hate that Marietta's betrayal is depicted with the same gravitas as a wartime defection and also I hate JKR's bullshit black and white worldview.

Rant over

[aroacedm]

AITL (am I the loser) for killing a mass murderer and a would-be mass murderer and lying about it? :(

So, I was teaching this kid because he reminded me of myself and I didn’t want him to go down the same road I did, which is filled with stab wounds. But that’s not relevant :D !!!

Oh some maybe relevant information is that this kid is the prince of the kingdom that massacred mine… :\  But that was like 500 years ago its not relevant anymore :)

There is a noble boy (we can call him al) who is the last mortal descendant of my family, and he is friends with the prince (we can call him L). L really values Al’s friend ship :)

There are some survivors from my old country, and most live in this new one in a specific district and face lots of discrimination :( but the prince wants to end that because he believes if he can be friends with someone from the old land, everyone can! (he is very idealistic but has amazing morals :D )  the surviving nobles from the old country are not very happy, but haven’t caused any trouble.

No one else knows I am the old prince from the old country, they don’t know anything about me. I am very cold and strict when teaching :[. I got the job because I saved L’s life when he was young by attacking kidnappers with a stick. L’s parents saw how skilled I was (not trying to brag :( but I have trained with swords for hundreds of years) and hired me to teach L.

It is L’s 18th birthday and his family is holding a feast. I chose not to go because I became immortal on my 17thand after I was banished (oh yeah ive been banished from heaven twice they don’t really like me but that’s fine :D) the year I would have turned 18 if I aged, I was stabbed 100 times within around an hour, my only two friends ever left me (it was my fault F and M if you are reading this) and my parents committed suicide. I was struggling with my experiences so I chose not to go to not make everyone else feel bad because of my behaviour. :(

I heard a commotion after a while so I rushed over to try and help, but I saw Al in a bloodstained room stabbing the king, L’s dad. L was no where in sight. Al ran, and I went to the king to try and help him. He told me Al did this, and everyone from the old kingdom will die for his actions. He was done for, there was no chance he would survive the day, but I still couldn’t let this happen. I stabbed him to prevent a genocide. L came in and thought I did everything. I didn’t correct him because I knew I deserved it. He ran off probably to alert others and I went to confront Al. I revealed who I actually was, and he attempted to get me to help him kill all of the people living in the country, including L. I used a method on him to make his organs dissolve and no mark to be left on him and I knew he would die shortly. 

I decided to let L fight me, but made it extremely easy for him to win. I let him believe I was dead, and he buried me in a 3 layer coffin with a stake through my heart (overkill :\) I waited for about 50 years so he wouldn’t be checking if I was dead. I knew I could easily push the stone away but apparently 50 years of no sun or movement makes you really weak. I was in there for about 100 years total but managed to escape eventually :)

You may be asking why this is relevant anymore, and that’s because L confronted me after realising I was his teacher (I’ve ascended again and this was in front of most gods). I said I did it in front of the emperor of heaven and he confined me to house arrest (idk why I wasn’t banished I asked to be) then my very close friend came and broke in to rescue me :D.

Lots of stuff happened but now everyone knows I didn’t actually kill everyone, and is angry that I falsely confessed. Some people are mad that I killed anyone, even if it was to prevent genocide. Am I in the wrong here? It was a split second decision to stop a racially targeted war, but I still feel guilty as the king was trying to improve relations between the people before the feast.

TLDR: My selfishly putting my bad memories over celebration caused me to not be able to stop a massacre. So I killed a guy to stop genocide and the person who did it who was planning to do it again. Then I lied and said I’d done all of it.

[9mysterybook6]

You dirty mouthed clown

Are you kidding me? I'm the one who suggested these videos for you.

And now you're trying to make some kind of excuse again you trash insect.

It is clear that you did not learn anything from them.

I'm at least I insulting you in Simple insult While you are making strong and dirty insult like your mouth

Plus you're a threat to me Not help you it just put you in a worse situation😏

your posts are just a cheap piece copying of my posts, you garbage

You really want to get kicked out of here, you harasser.

You are very stupid, you don't know what dates are.

Explain to me how your post comes first before mine while you imitate them in a bad way when I finish posting them.

What will be your excuse this time?🙄😑

What now are you going to say that I traveled through time and copy your future posts?🤣🤣🤣

You thought all these desperate attempts would stop me.

You are really stupid

You just add fuel to the fire with every response.

And as I said, I will not stop exposing you.

This is your fault, you son of a gun.

If you weren't such a toxic, abusive, harassing, and and a creep and bullying person to Everyone

You wouldn't find yourself in this situation here If you hadn't done what you did

You don't realize The position you are in, when people are being harassed by people like you.

They always pay the price for their harassment, bullying and crimes, just like you.

I teach you the hard lesson

And this lesson is that you cannot do whatever you want without consequences for your actions.

You are the one who harassed me when I was defending my friends from you

you Try to be my friend so I can be against prometheus2007 and be on your side But of course I reject your lies

Then you started harassing, bullying, attacking me and spreading lies about me.

And you stole my post and copy my post

Because I refuse to be with you

You made me do this

Because this is what happens to people like you.

This is your fault

I warned you to leave them alone but you didn't listen you clown insect

I just make you pay for your actions.

Anyway, it was only a matter of time before you messed with the wrong people.

And based on your actions, I am one of those wrong people

Even if it wasn't me it would have been other people who would have kicked you or done worse things to you.

So I advise you to delete your blog.

So that we can all rest from you

This is your fault and no one else's.

You are really a terrible person

Now you're making excuses to get away with your crimes.

Seriously, what is this?

Today, I'm going to doctor's office. (I'll be back for more soon, I hope you guys awareness about 9mysterybook6, until then)

You are such a liar

Going to the doctor is just a lie

This post is just a guilt trip and a manipulative

This is what you always do Rhylie, you try to win The compassion and sympathy From everyone to be on your side

After all, didn't you say before that you were actually dying and disappearing if pami do not unblock YOU

This is exactly what galacticsomewhat told you.

galacticsomewhat: IT IS! YOURE MAKING HER FEEL BAD BY PRETENDING THAT YOURE DYING

Rhylie: And can you ask her that I am asking her kindly to unblock me?, I am not trying to be manipulative or reliant or creepy.

galacticsomewhat: I BET IF I SAID SHE WOULD UNBLOCK YOU YOU WOULD BE JUST FINE

galacticsomewhat: YOURE SICK

Rhylie: look at my tail disappearing oh no, I am starting to fade away due by independence, can you please ask pami to unblock me before I disappear forever?

And like galacticsomewhat said, you really are a sick person who pretends to disappear into life forever and If people do not fulfill your requests and demands

So delete your blog now or keep making a fool of yourself until you get banned from here.😜

You are really digging your own grave.

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the asshole for trying to take out a known threat, knowing it would take out our old friend as well?

So! Very recently, I (?, voice) got into a small disagreement with some friends of mine over a decision I made, and I'm here to finally put our squabbling to an end!

The backstory for this events is, we were sent to slay a Princess (?, F) to stop her from ending the world. We did as we were told, and then found ourself stuck in an infinite void for eternity. I don't know what happened next, as I wasn't fully "aware" yet, but we must have died somehow, because we found ourself back on the same path in the woods again.

Our Decider (?, M) thought that the best course of action was to allow the Princess (now a ghost, if you can believe it) to possess us, and then attempt to slay her. The issue with this plan is, it involved slaying us, too. And he made this decision without consulting any of us!

I was fully awake by the time we found ourself back on the path in the woods for the third time. The Decider, however, was nowhere to be found.

With nothing else to do, we marched right back up to the cabin, picked up our trusty pristine blade (despite the protestations of a certain overly-trusting voice), and once again went downstairs to slay the Princess.

Only, when we saw her again, she surprised us all by telling us that our Decider was with her, stuck in her body. A voice in her head, sort of like what we were to him.

At this point, another one of us, H (?, voice) started arguing against slaying the Princess, as that would slay our Decider as well. The way I see it, however, our Decider didn't give our lives much thought last time when he decided to off himself. Why should we show him any courtesy? We could take out two threats with one stone, even! Him and the Princess, gone in one fell swoop!

So, we put it to a vote. H, predictably, voted against it. The creepy one, let's call him C (?, voice) abstained. The bossy one was all for it, but H tried to argue that his vote "shouldn't count", because "he's not one of us." Mighty unfair, if you ask me.

In the end, my will won out over theirs - we slew the Princess! ... Well, we tried to, at least. It, uh, didn't work. We ended up just stabbing her shoulder instead of her heart, and as soon as we did, our Decider came back to us. And let me tell you right now, he was not happy with us. With me, specifically.

Now they're saying that I was "out of line", and that I "had no right to do what I did", but the way I see it, the one who normally made the decisions was out of the picture, and someone had to step up to take his place. It's not my fault the Decider chose to abandon his role. He chose to leave his position of power, he can't be mad that someone else (someone with more of an interest in self-preservation) took over while he was gone!

Plus, we held a vote! We had a plurality! They have to respect the plurality, right? I don't believe that I'm the asshole, all I did was try to make sure we would end up on top, no matter what.

[enlighten3d]

More thoughts on r!au, because you brought it up again:

There are 3 eras of wifies and his person, both of whom have similar skill sets. First comes evilfies and masked wato, who create escape rooms. Then comes clonefies and ken, who escape them. Finally comes lastfies and parrot who kill to survive. (Hearts at least are technically craftable)

Ken managed to rescue clonefies by outsmarting their predecessors. By proving that clonefies was more than a clone, through a game rigged in their favor.

Parrot managed to rescue lastfies by killing their predecessors. By proving that lastfies was just a clone, through mistaking one for the other.

There are so many stars in the bright sky, all of them basically identical. It takes knowing them and how they relate to the others around them to identify them. Who could blame you if just after sunset, when only a few are visible, you mistook one star for another? (And the sun is still a star, even as it burns you. It's your fault for mistaking distance for peace, and still inviting it closer)

And then, because the spyglass reminded me, you can't look directly at the sun- it'll blind you. Parrot can't look directly at his own actions, can't look clearly at lastfies, can't process what happened. Is it because of how bright his mistakes shine? Or is it because his spyglass is stained with blood?

(and yes, in my opinion, lastfies and parrot can share being represented by the sun. Clonefies needs something specific to contrast and parrot deserves every parallel he gets)

Finally, does wato eventually stop putting hanging roots in their escape rooms? I doubt lastfies would know enough about escape rooms to confidently declare them as the most useless item, and why bother sneaking in a signature when you have to show up to help them out of softlocks you could have sworn they would never get into.

Just what do you do when you don't have any of your friends. Wifies is different, and parrot won't meet your eye and ken is trapped in a prison that blocks messages. (except no one off-server has heard from him and the prison seems abandoned when you try to arrange a visit and you're pretty sure that ken wouldn't have let his stasis despawn and this is apparently the only prison that parrot won't try to break someone out of)

What do you do when you have no proof, but your server feels like a graveyard.

(post in which i brought up rau again, and heres the post explaining rau. yay for having context! context is great.)

forewarning that i wrote this over the course of like, a day, sorry if its disjointed lol. but then again, what else does one expect from a long lime post but incoherency.

HI HELL YEAHHH RAU THOUGHTS!!! REPLACEMENT AU!!!!!!!!!!! i love rau did you know that <- fucking insane about this au. nonnie i love you thank you. this is going to be as incoherent + probably hard to read as usual! sorry gonna yap a lot about rau!wato here because you made the mistake of mentioning rau!wato. replacement au may be about wifies clones stuff but OUGH DOES RAU!WATO HAUNT ME. that will be the latter portion of this post tho

SO!

OOOHHH OKAY GOOD POINT. about. fuck okay thats insane? have NOT thought about the eras of wifies each having their own person and the 'transitions' reflecting their relationships... actually fucking insane. dont have anything to add just know that im staring at you w wide eyes /pos

its your fault for mistaking distance for peace, and still inviting it closer- actually wild line im- okay. okay.

YEAH THE. the. yeah. you get it perfectly, i have no notes.the spyglass and the sun thing- fuck. he tries to look at the sun, his actions, and doesnt see, doesnt understand, but still he does it via the spyglass, via that same frame of mine of clonefies that hes unwilling to abandon. look at lastfies, understand him through the lense of parrots relationship with clonefies, understand him only as clonefies. hes still the same person! parrot didnt do anything! nothing happened! youre fine! look at lastfies, look at his own actions/mistakes through the lense of a spyglass. frame of mind of his relationship with clonefies. actuallly insane.

lastfies and parrot can share the sun/daytime. wild thought actually, i do agree. because. the sun is a star - clonefies is the stars and lastfies is just similar enough but also not really; part of a larger category but different, so different. and parrot always denies how much of himself he sees in lastfies, its a whole thing. theyre similar in so many ways but- no! this is still the same wifies! and wifies would never be like parrot. never!

OKAY. SO. NONNIE. NONNIE. ABOUT WATO. ABOUT RAU!WATO. THERES A LOT. that never got mentioned on tumblr i dont think. theyre so theatre metaphor (coughs long poem coughs). genuinely like. okay. we (milo and i) have thought abt all of what youve mentioned here. sorry the rest of the post is going to be about rau!wato i am actually fucking insane about rau!wato holy shit

the escape rooms stop having those personal touches. no hanging roots, no little injokes, hints at familiarity. theyre easier, because they know that what theyd normally make is for clonefies, who they know would figure it out. so the escape rooms are easier, and he still watches, and he still has to interfere where he shouldnt have to (why doesnt parrot pick up on these things either? (hes in denial, wato. deeeeep denial.)). its wrong on every level. because- rau!wato is so interesting. she knows that lastfies isnt clonefies. hes in WAYYY less denial than parrot (its actually impossible to out-denial rau!parrot), AND he... he was the one that found lastfies in the first place, right? so she knows about lastfies existence, she knows that something is wrong. still theres a little bit of hope (parrot wouldnt kill wifies afterall, right?) that gets held out. maybe theyve got the story wrong! but still they pull away. this wifies is wrong, theyve never been close with parrot, ken is trapped in a prison unable to escape (somethings so off about that, right? why isnt parrot helping? why is he 'respecting kens wishes' when those wishes go entirely against what he stands for? why does parrot look that way whenever ken gets mentioned? something is so wrong about this.)

what defines rau!wato is the inaction. theyre trapped in the audience, and the one time they forced their way onstage, tried to help, to do something for once, it goes wrong. and clonefies dies. now she just doesnt do anything. shes fucked everything up once already (this is all her fault, right? right?). shes got the most information out of anyone other than lastfies and parrot, shes the only one who can do anything. but he doesnt. hes messed it up already, and he doesnt know enough to get people to believe him. what do you mean, wato? what do you mean this wifies isnt the same wifies? no, hes always been this way? this violent, this quiet, this loyal- yeah sure hes a bit different from when he joined, but maybe getting chunkbanned messed him up just that much, you know? youre making things up. you have no evidence. and so wato doesnt say anything. theyre trapped in the audience, watching this play set to music that they wrote themselves, and they cant do anything about it. and everywhere he looks, theres death.

parrot and lastfies canonically die, in rau. not sure if i ever mentioned this on tumblr but whatever, am (re?)explaining it. eventually someone gets suspicious about the weirdness at proton, and maybe wato slips a piece of information or two, but they go and investigate, and theres no one there. its abandoned, more than just the lack of guards whom to ask to visit the supposed sole prisoner. theres no one there. breaking in is easy, figuring out that kenadian is not there is easier. naturally, one goes to parrot, the very person who said that ken was trapped in the first place. question him. parrot runs. lastfies follows. but parrot cant run forever, not from a bunch of people who considered ken a friend/ally, not a manhunt

this all started on a cliff, didnt it? parrot and clonefies watched the sunset from a cliff right before the lastfies thing. it ends on a cliff, too. a cliff, above the ocean. he jumps, doesnt fly, and lastfies, of course, follows willingly (theres a lot to say about lastfies). and then theyre dead, the both of them

the next day, theres an eclipse.

wato is the only person who really visits that cliff. theres this really pretty scene in the animatic milo is (was? idk) making about rau, where wato stands at that cliff during the eclipse, holding hydrangeas, and the petals fly off

onto the shore wash an earring, a spyglass, and a headband. (nothing else. parrots lost himself.)

and so, rau!wato is the last one left. out of everyone, hes the last one left. what now? pick up the pieces? sure, but theres no pieces to pick up. things remain obscured; its not like parrot or lastfies (the only ones who really knew everything, and even then their perceptions were warped in their own ways) ever wrote anything down or talked to anyone- and ken is dead, too. all she can do is piece together what she already has, and shes already done all that she could, and assumptions are dangerous, and-

its just this really really deep-seated feeling of unresolution. there will never be any resolution. watos just the last one left, left to grieve everything that happened and everyone thats died, and he cant even really talk to anyone about this, he never could, and he doesnt even know everything thats happened. hes just left to deal with the consequences of everything. and nothing is ever quite the same. whats she to do now? (they dont know.)

a server the feels like a graveyard, indeed

(pspspspspsps @milo-the-mage... i summon thee.....)

[felice-jaganshi]

His Pet

Chapter 14

Alastor x OC

Content warning: mention of potential SA and minor acephobia.

He sat on her bed, rocking her back and forth until she had calmed down. He was extremely troubled by today's events.

“Darling… I'm certain you're very tired from all of today's activities, but I need you to answer something for me before I let you rest.”

She nodded, staying silent as she clung to him.

“Darling, I'll never judge or blame you for things that happened against your will, but I must know… what did Valentino do to you?” He needed to know how badly he had failed her. How bad the damage done was.

 

She shook her head, “He only hurt me. He didn't… he tried but I fought back and I tried to rip his throat out, but he moved, so I missed and got his wing. He thought if I bled enough I'd be easier to handle. But… my blood is gold so… he freaked out. I was able to run, and hide. Took a chunk of wing with me.”

 

“Do you remember scratching me?” He held out his hand to her. She looked confused and took it.

“I did this? I… hurt you?” She kissed the marks gently. “I don't remember that, I'm sorry.” He smiled and pet her head.

“I forgive you. It was my own fault for approaching you in such a state. You bit my shoulder too, should I be glad you didn't rip my throat out?” He was teasing her now.

 

“No, I was more in control then. That one was on purpose. Just an affection bite. Something I used to do with my old partner. You're a lot like them. Please don't abandon me like they did… I know I'm useless and weird and broken, but please… I can't handle being on my own.” She started sobbing, the action taking over her whole body, her ears laying flat to her skull.

 

“Useless and broken… is that how your partner made you feel? And you dare compare me to them?” He sounded irritated. “You have been nothing but useful to me. Maybe a bit of a hassle at times, but certainly not boring at least! And broken? What about you could possibly be considered broken?” He asked, and began petting her head and hair in long slow strokes.

 

“I'm… because I couldn't… something that happened when I was… because I can't- because I'm Ace!” She was struggling to say the words. This was something that had bothered her her whole life. And even in death, her past trauma was still fucking with her! He frowned, remembering what she had said that term meant, and given the context she was struggling to give, he was able to paint a few potential pictures of what she was trying to say.

 

“My dearest… that does not make you any more broken than it does me. I don't have any interest in those activities either. So you are not broken in the slightest. And anyone who has made you feel as such is a filthy pervert undeserving of your attentions or affections. Is that also how your ex partner made you feel?”

“N-no… they were also ace… but they were always frustrated with my inability to care for myself in other ways. I always had to be told what to do and how to do it. Always living life in a daze half in my head… I just wanted to write my stories… but I acted too much like a child for an adult woman… so… they wanted their independence back.” 

 

She looked up at him.

“Well, I can certainly understand a desire for independence.” She stiffened in his arms. “Shh, shh.. but I would never abandon a soul in my care. You are mine, and I will never leave you. I…” He took a breath, was he a man or was he not? Why were these words so hard for him?! “I. Love you too. I mean it.” There! It was true enough, it might not be in the same way she felt for him, but how else could he describe this bond if not ‘love’? “Just don't expect me to say it often.”

“Al… can I kiss you?” He froze, he felt hot and cold at the same time.

“I… don't think that's a good idea.”

“Just on the forehead?” She asked next, trying to find his boundaries, it seemed.

“I… suppose that would be acceptable.” He didn't sound terribly certain though.

She put her hands on his shoulders and sat up in his lap, she gently kissed his forehead, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away and sitting in his lap with a smile. Well, that wasn't so bad… It was actually somewhat pleasant. 

“Thank you. For everything. You are my special person. I hope one day I can be considered your partner.” He thought for a moment before kissing her on the forehead back. That.. also didn't feel terrible.  

“That actually doesn't sound so bad… you could read your stories on my broadcasts, and we'll call you the Radio Angel. That would certainly scare enough sinners into leaving you alone at least. But for the next while, until you're strong enough to be an overlord yourself, I don't want you heading out without my personal escort. If I can't even count on Nifty to protect you, how can I count on anyone else?” He pulled her tight to his chest. “I will not lose my most important treasure. Not now that I've finally found it.” She purred in his arms, closing her eyes and falling asleep, feeling safe and loved.

Angel knocked on the door, “Hey, they said only I was allowed in. Mind if I do?” 

“You may join us. She just fell asleep.” Alastor called out. Angel entered the room.

“Damn… so she really is an angel. No wonder she's sweet as sugar.” He frowned and looked at her in Al's lap. “What did Big V do to her?” He seemed scared of the answer, and Alastor respected him for his concern. 

“Just a few cuts and bruises. At least that's what she told me. I'm hoping you can confirm. Being a brother figure to her, she might feel more comfortable telling you if he touched her in other ways. I want to believe her, but better safe than sorry.” 

Angel nodded, “Yeah, once she's up, I can have a talk with her. I'll help run her a nice bubble bath too. That usually helps me feel better after… Well, we don't have to talk about lil’ ol’ me. Mind if I take a seat and wait for her to wake up?”

Alastor nodded, “Her chair is at the desk. I'll keep holding her, she's likely to protest if I try to leave her like this.”

“Heh, look at that. The radio demon does have a heart. Good.” He got comfortable in the chair, pulling it close to the bed. “I won't tell anyone, promise.”

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day 16 - Prompt: Night @wolfstarmicrofic

January Daily Series - 704 words

<<<Previous Part OR Start Here

Remus avoided Lily’s pointed glare as he shifted the ice pack on his shoulder and leaned back into the recliner. He closed his eyes and pretended his body wasn’t screaming with pain. This was fine. Well, it would be.

Sirius was safe and his best friend was still in one piece. That was what really mattered. The impromptu rescue mission was a success! No one died yesterday, that alone was worth triggering an episode that kept him up all night.

Lily clearly did not agree. She was furious when she arrived this morning with a tote bag full of his favourite tea, first aid supplies, and chocolate bars. While she hadn’t actually said anything yet, he knew a lecture was coalescing in her mind.

“Will you hear me out before you ream me out?” he checked, peeking out from under his lashes.

She narrowed her eyes, then nodded mutely. Which was probably for the best, honestly. He needed to diffuse the time bomb that was his best friend before she rightfully exploded.

“There wasn’t time to call for help,” he began carefully. “I was still on the beach when Regulus called and he didn’t know the gravity of the situation. He was just worried that the tide was coming in. I didn’t realise how difficult it would be myself until I was in the cave, and there’s no cell service down there. I had to help.”

Lily began pacing in front of him, her long hair bouncing against her back with every step. She was still fuming, but appeared to be walking off the urge to strangle him. That was progress!

“James accidentally wedged his upper body in an unstable shaft reaching for a marbled green stone to show his boyfriend. Sirius tried to pull his arms out, but was being too cautious. I had to dislocate his shoulder, Lily, so I’d say James has already faced the consequences of his actions.” He adjusted the cushion behind his head and shrugged lightly. “And now I’m facing mine.”

She waited until he was comfortable before throwing her first punch. “You could have drowned, been dragged out to sea, or stuck in that cave for hours, Remus. Half the night in that dank, mouldy cave? More likely your lungs would close up before sunset.”

“But none of those things happened. I’m just sore and tired.”

“You risked your life!”

“To save someone else’s! It was a necessary risk.”

Lily scowled, then returned to her pacing. Her hands gestured wildly around her face as she launched into her lecture. “These blokes are irresponsible, reckless, and-”

“Fun. They’re fun.”

“-foolish! You’ve been doing so well lately and now you’ll be lucky if you don’t catch pneumonia again. Why anyone would want to crawl around in a cave with all of those germs is beyond me.”

“There are germs everywhere.”

“You didn’t even call me! I had to hear it from Sirius,” she whined, concern heavy in her voice.

Remus gently bobbed his head side to side in vague agreement. “I was going to call you this morning. I didn’t need a nurse, so I chose to rest instead. Really, Lily, I’m fine.”

“You're a liar, but I love you anyway,” she said, pausing in front of his chair. “Please be careful? I know you’re acting a fool because of Sirius, but-”

“No. That wasn’t his fault.”

“It’s Sirius-adjacent, at least!”

“So am I.”

Lily folded her arms in front of her chest and stared him down. “Are you? Or is that wishful thinking?”

“He called you, didn’t he? I assume he sounded worried about me,” he pointed out.

“And that’s worth risking your life for?”

“Yes,” Remus said stubbornly, “but that’s not why I did it. James needed help, I was nearby, available, and able. End of story.”

“Not end of story.” Lily’s mobile lit up her pocket and she automatically reached for it. “However, it appears that you’re right about one thing.”

Remus searched her face curiously. “What’s that?”

“You’re Sirius-adjacent. He’s asking if he can have your number, and he wants to bring you lunch.”

“Yes! Give him my bloody number!”

“Alright, alright. Calm your tits, Remus,” Lily tutted at him while she texted with Sirius.

Next Part>>>

[zevranunderstander]

living and being born in a western country, especially as a white person is so infuriating. like. you're privileged and you can get everything you want at a store and all that but like, so many of the things you can buy are direct results of genocides and massive exploitations and labor rights abuses, and you can't even do anything about it. no one even really tells you about this most of the time. everyone here has a phone and it's just kind of accepted that black children die in some mines *somewhere in africa* for this, but that doesn't stop anyone from buying a fucking phone each year

and trying to bring this up always shows how comfortable everyone is exploiting the global south, because then it's always 'well, me not doing this won't change anything so why should I stop? everyone else is doing it too!', and the deeper you dig the more you realise that really any action you take makes the life quality of everyone in the global south so much worse

and if you advocate for climate change action, or go vegan, or stop buying plastic, or try to only buy fair trade, your impact obviously is only very marginally doing anything, but your interaction with the fact that western civilization is built entirely on exploitation makes everyone around you so fucking uncomfortable, that they need to turn you into the laughing stock for being such a hippie or whatever, when it should be our basic fucking responsibility to try not to be complicit in systems of systemic exploitation if we can, and people who are so comfortable in their luxury fucking laugh at people for protesting climate action and call them delusional while people in India die of heat strokes en masse

and this is just my personal take, but I hate (hate!) the sentiment on here that's like 'well it's all corporations fault, *they* need to change, we need regulations', which isn't wrong, but it's literally not gonna happen without pressure being applied. corporations only care about the profit margin and if that means burning everything on the planet alive so be it, and government regulations are slow and usually even slower because of relentless lobbying, they aren't gonna do anything if their user base is comfortable with their exploitation.

idk maybe it's just me but if you are comfortable explaining to a mother of some child that just died in some mining accident in africa, that yeah, you produced more plastic waste in a week than any of them do in half a year, and yeah, you bought two phones in two years, and yeah, you love shopping on shein and going to primark, and yeah, you eat cashews imported from the southern hemisphere that are produced on slave labour and that use massive amounts of water for one fruit, but really none of these things are your fault because it's not you who needs to change its the corporations, and I don't think you're entirely wrong, but like, I won't just sit in fucking Omelas paradise and enjoy a comfortable life on the blood of the other half of the world population just because I got lucky and was born in as a white person in Europe.

[rhyliethequeenofgachacommunity]

I'm Back From Doctor's Appointment, I Hope Everybody Has Been Spreading Awareness About 9mysterybook6.

I Have Know I Do Not Blame Autism,

Are you kidding me? I’m the one who suggested these videos for you.

And now you’re trying to make some kind of excuse again you trash pig.

It is clear that you did not learn anything from them.

I’m at least she needs to stop insulting me in Simple insult While I have making strong and clean insult like my mouth

Plus you’re a threat to me Not help her it just put me in a worse situation😏

your posts are just a cheap piece copying of my posts, you garbage panda

You really want to get kicked out of here, you harasser.

You are very stupid, you don’t know what dates are.

Explain to me how your post expose rants come to everybody?, nothing to them in a bad way when i kept posting them.

What will be her excuse not mine this time?🙄😑

What now are you going to say that you need to stop traveled through time and copy my future posts?🤣🤣🤣

You thought all these desperate attempts would stop me.

You are really a fool to everybody, you're jealous and selfish of me.

And as I said, she will stop exposing me.

This is not my fault anymore.

If you weren’t such a toxic, abusive, harassing, and a creep and bullying person to me

You wouldn’t find yourself in this situation here If you hadn’t done what i did back in from the past but this is a future!, just grow up.

I realize The position I'm in, when people are being harassed by people not like you.

They never pay the price for their harassment, bullying and crimes, just like her.

I teach her the hard lesson for revenge

And this lesson is that she cannot do whatever she want without consequences for my actions.

She are the one who harassed me when I was defending everybody from her

you Try to be everybody’s friend so you can be against me and be on her side But of course I reject my truths

Then she started harassing, bullying, attacking me and spreading lies about me from her expose rants of lies.

Because everybody refuse to be with 9mysterybook6

I made her do this

Because this is what happens to people like her.

I warned her to leave me alone but she didn’t listen me, she's a fat clown insect

I just make her pay for her actions of lies.

Anyway, it was only a matter of time before you messed with the right people.

And based on her actions, I am one of those right person for everybody

Even if it wasn’t me it would have been other people who would have kicked her or done worse things to you.

So I advise 9mysterybook6 to leave everybody alone so i can spread awareness from her and take a break too.

So that we can all rest from 9mysterybook6

This is not my fault and no one else’s.

I'm really a awsome person and everyone adores me

Now she making excuses to get away with my crimes from my bad memories

Seriously, what is this?

Today, I’m going to doctor’s office. (I’ll be back for more soon, I hope you guys awareness about 9mysterybook6, until then)

I'm not a liar

Going to the doctor is just true for everybody

This post is not a guilt trip or manipulative

This is what you always do 9mysterybook6, she try to win The compassion and sympathy From everyone to be on your side

After all,

This is exactly what everybody wants to support me

Me: IT IS! YOURE MAKING HER FEEL BAD BY PRETENDING THAT YOURE EXPOSING ME

9mysterybook6: And can you ask her that I am asking her kindly to unblock me?, you're manipulative or reliant or creepy, just please leave tumblr now.

Me: I BET IF I SAID I WOULD UNBLOCK YOU, YOU WOULD BE JUST FINE

Me: YOURE SICK FATSO.

9mysterybook6: Look what you have done?! Why did everybody has to turned against me?!?

And like I said, you real sick person who tried to make everybody spreading awareness about me and If people do not fulfill your expose dramas, rants and demands

So stop forcing me delete your blog now or keep making a fool of yourself until you get banned from here.😜

[gorillawithautism]

the only reason my parents know my tti facility was abusive is because i was very nearly gooned to another one in hawaii. my first one was in oregon. i got brainwashed. i was psychologically and institutionally abused. i never once got restrained or assaulted or killed. i am one of the lucky ones. because i didn't go to a program Like That. i knew that there were programs out there that did those things. but my program wasn't one of the bad ones. they didn't hit us. they didn't leave us outside at night in below freezing temperatures. they didn't physically restrain us. i thought the people who ran away from my program were just being rebellious or dramatic. breaking program. i didn't realize i was being abused too. because from the beginning i was taught that the way we were treated was normal. in fact it was good because it wasn't Like The Other Programs.

this is what brainwashing is. it's not about wiping someone's mind. it's not about controlling them like a puppet. it's not about making their eyes glaze over so they're just a zombie. putty in your hands. no brainwashing is a teaching process. it's shaping someones mind. it's controlling their environment and thoughts behaviors opinions existence until they can be controlled. not because they don't have a mind of their own but because their mind agrees. because that's all they know now. i knew about those other programs. my peers within the program had their own stories of worse ones. getting frostbite in the woods. permanent injuries from carrying packs that were far too heavy and didn't fit their tiny bodies right. not being allowed to so much as look at anyone else let alone talk to them or god forbid touch them. for three months straight. i heard about programs like that.

i didn't realize being forced to sit at a table in complete silence and being made to ask for permission to get up for anything as small as going to the bathroom. while everyone else around me could talk and move as they pleased. i didn't realize that was abuse too. because i wasn't on a "silent table" (the name for that punishment) when i was at school. only when i was as the house. because i was on a silent table for a reason. i still hadn't finished a monumental assignment so i was put on a silent table to finish it. it was my own fault. i didn't realize it was abuse. because i knew the rules and i broke them. and they didn't hit me. they didn't kill me. i didn't realize it was abuse when i was alienated from my peers for a day because i wouldn't take my meds from a staff member that i fully believed would be willing to give me the wrong ones. i didn't realize it was abuse because other people had and are still having it worse than i ever did.

i didn't realize it was abuse because, as much as it may sound awful to you, it was normal for me. the punishments i got were because i broke the rules. i still can't bring myself to use the word "refuse" in the context of my own actions and choices. did i ever think i was being treated unfairly. oh yeah for sure. i had a staff member lie and say that i had gotten physical with them. that i'd hit them when they were attempting to wake me up. i didn't. but i had no other witnesses and a staffs word meant far more than mine. so i got punished for it. and would you believe this happened twice. the second time was the same reason i was unwilling to take meds from a staff member. she lied about me. got me in tons of trouble. and i didn't feel safe taking my meds from a woman who would do such a thing to me. i said i'd take them if someone else would administer them. it took about an hour for that to happen. i got punished for that hour of refusal. so yeah. i wasn't treated fairly. many such cases etc etc. but i didn't realize the whole thing was abusive. i just thought certain staff were evil to their core (i still think this about those staff btw). i didn't think the program itself was bad. i didn't know. i didn't know. i didn't know. do you think all the kids who've died have known. why they were killed. i wonder how many of them thought it was their fault.

i almost got gooned to a place in hawaii. they told me i could go willingly with them or unwilling with a "transport service." i chose the third option. but even that program is a light sentence. it even has a mocking nickname among treatment kids because it's notorious for being easy compared to other places. my parents only know my tti facility was bad because telling them was the only thing that was gonna get me out of going to another one. if i hadn't told them. do you think they would've figured it out on their own. would they have been guilty for sending me their. they are now. i relish in that guilt. sometimes i like to twist the knife a little. remind them that i'm broken and it's their fault. just so i can see that guilt surface. maybe that's mean. i don't really care. they stopped being human to me the moment i realized they should have known better. that it was abuse from the very start. that even dressed up in pretty words it was still abusive. do you think they would've realized? if i'd died there? do you think they would know it was their fault? do you think i would have gotten justice in my posthumous existence?

i don't think so. i think they only know because i told them. and i think i only told them because i knew full well i was in danger.

my tti facility held me for two years, five months, and one day. and i didn't die. an unnamed twelve year old boy in north carolina was held for one day. and then he was murdered. a boy in the woods. with neither face nor name. was kidnapped and held for just one day before being killed.

i don't consider him luckier than me. i lived. but i consider him lucky among the murdered. because he didn't live long enough. he only made it through one day

do you think he'll get justice?

i don't think so

[shinra33459]

My Issues With Helluva Boss

I have been a fan of this show ever since the pilot. I loved the concept, and I still love most of the characters. What I am not a fan of is that it tries to be a comedic slapstick show like Family Guy at one moment, and then be a serious melodrama the next scene. The show started with the premise of being a dark humored workplace comedy surrounding a group of demonic assassins from Hell, and then quickly amounted into what felt like a walking advertisement for fanfiction headcanons and shippers. My opinions are mine alone, and while I do enjoy this show, there is a lot that I feel needs to be done with the characters and overall writing of the show that would benefit the show greatly, tell a far more compelling story, and give viewers a far more substantial end-product than what we currently have.

If you like the show as-is, then I am glad that you find joy in what the show currently is. However, for many viewers of the show, whether they be long-time fans like me, or people trying to get into the show, there are a ton of compounding issues in the show that can and should be better handled than what they currently are. It isn’t “hate” to want a better product than what you are given, or to suggest ways to make it better. And before anyone says “it’s Hell” in a way to dismiss characters being shitty, I want you to go to your local penitentiary and talk to the people locked up there. Despite a lot of people there doing bad things, almost none of the convicts are cartoonishly evil people; there is a thing known as complexity after all.

Chapter 1 - Stolas and Blitzo

While these two are the main characters of the series, it’s honestly hard to find arcs in the story that don’t revolve around these two in some way shape or form. As for the relationship between the two, in the first several episodes of Season 1, it was originally written as if Blitzo wanted nothing to do with Stolas, and that because of the vast swath of imbalances between the two, they would never be compatible and that they were never meant to be. However, as the show went on, it became less about Blitzo and his relationship with the rest of IMP and their jobs as assassins, and more about the relationship Blitzo has with Stolas.

Both characters are presented in a way where everything that happens to them isn’t their fault; instead, it’s the fault of everyone else, and that everyone in their lives has been holding them back. Neither one is capable of taking accountability for their actions. Neither one is capable of being an adult and realizing that their actions have consequences and that they are the only ones to blame when things go wrong regarding the people close to them. The show makes everyone else who wronged them into the bad guys, and they can avoid their issues by it all just being written away instead of actually having any sort of closure. Instead of Blitzo realizing that the trail of broken interpersonal relationships and the wreckage of his past coming back to haunt him is his fault, it is written as if he is innocent, and everyone who hates him are the bad guys.

Stolas on the other hand is shown to be the innocent victim at all times. Any time he does something that is objectively wrong, like him constantly neglecting and ignoring his daughter in favor of pursuing his sexual fantasies with Blitzo or bashing Octavia’s mother right in front of her, it’s casually brushed to the side, and instead, characters like Octavia are villainized for standing up for themselves due to the poor treatment from him, all because “he’s trying” or that at the end of the day, he is the victim and can do no wrong. Whenever Stolas is 100% objectively in the wrong and due his comeuppance, everyone manages to forgive him instantaneously, or if he and a character had a falling-out (like him and Blitzo), they are back to acting like they normally would like nothing ever happened.

My solution: Have both characters get their due comeuppance. Have Stolas realize that Blitzo never loved him in the first place and was using him and have him deal with the consequences of him putting his own daughter on the backburner for his love-affair. Have him realize that his choices have ruined the relationships with the people he held closest to him due to his lust and greed. Have Blitzo understand that he is the sole factor in everything in his life going pear-shaped. From his lack of friends to people no longer wanting to associate with him because of how he behaves and treated people and have him at least try to make amends in an attempt to fix the damage he caused in his life and the lives of other people.

Chapter 2 - Lack of Development for Female Characters

Very few of the female characters in the show have their moments of development and character growth. The male characters of the show like Blitzo, Stolas, Moxxie, and the much of the male cast members have their backgrounds explored at length. The only female character in the show that has any sort of character development has been Octavia, which even then, it’s more so that she starts to resent her father for neglecting her, and then magically forgives him over the course of 20 minutes. Meanwhile characters like Stella, Millie and Loona don’t really have any character traits besides being associated with the male characters; like Stella being Stolas’s abusive ex-wife, Millie just being Moxxie’s badass wife, or Loona being Blitzo’s bitchy and abusive adoptive daughter.

Millie in several instances has had opportunities for character development and fleshing-out, however the writers have not really expanded on her background much, if at all, even in what was supposed to be her own episode. All that we know about Millie is that she grew up on a farm, has a lot of siblings, got into fights as a kid, is good at killing, and is married to Moxxie. Another character that has been woefully underdeveloped has been Stolas’s ex-wife, Stella. She has just been a one-dimensional villain because she has abused Stolas and hired a hitman to kill him after he cheated on her. She hasn’t been shown to have any sort of relationship with her own daughter and has almost no character traits outside of her being an abusive ex. Loona was only given one scene in the adoption center where she was shown to have had a rough life. It never gives her any motivation for why she constantly treats the ones close to her badly, or why she can talk to Octavia about Stolas trying to be a good dad, yet she will punt-kick Blitzo in the balls less than a minute later. 

Octavia on the other hand has been completely trivialized, and her issues with her father are presented as if they can just be easily dismissed or that she has to forgive him. Instead of showing that her father neglecting her all the time, compounded by the fact that her father tore apart her life by cheating on her mother, has caused her to grow bitter and resentful of him, it’s dismissed, and all is forgiven at the drop of a hat. The issues regarding why she feels the way that she does and causes her to run away at times are never addressed fully or given proper closure.

My solution: Give the audience more in-depth reasons as to why Stella is the person she is. Make it seem like she isn’t just some one-dimensionally evil bitch. Her and Stolas’s marriage could’ve been great for a little while, but slowly turned resentful and distant over time. But most importantly, give her any kind of parental relationship with Octavia. Give Millie some proper fleshing out as a character instead of what she has been and give her more depth besides being the badass woman that Moxxie decided to marry. Give Loona an actual reason to be the way that she is in the present, not just growing up in an orphanage.

Chapter 3 - Horrible Gay “Representation”

This section is going to be shorter, but when it comes to the gay “representation” in the show, it usually comes across as fetishization of same-sex couples, with those couples being presented as borderline to outright sex-pests. Straight couples like Blitzo and Verosika, or Moxxie and Millie are presented as having normal relationships for the most part, while the non-straight relationships are presented as being driven solely by lust. Whether it be Blitzo and Stolas, or Moxxie and Chaz, all of the gay characters come across as dick obsessed yaoi stereotypes.

My solution: Gay couples are just people as well. We have the same type of relationship dynamics that you can find in straight relationships that can and still do still apply. Usually being that these are two people who love each other and want to see what life has to offer each other, together. Some couples are far more sexual compared to others, however, there is a distinct difference between a couple being more sexual, opposed to being a hentai stereotype of gay relationships. Present their relationships as normal relationships, not like the only reason they’re together is that they both have a penis.

Chapter 4 - Tonal Clashes

One thing that Helluva Boss tries to be is a slapstick comedy like Family Guy, characters being messy people like in Bojack Horseman, a musical, and a melodramatic serial drama, all wrapped in the package of gore and black humor. A good example is how the show portrays abuse. While abuse that is directed towards Stolas is presented as absolutely reprehensible and you should feel bad about it, meanwhile the abuse that is thrown towards Blitzo and Moxxie is shown to be comedic. 

It has proven to be a repeating theme with the show. One moment we will have a scene that aims to tug on your heartstrings, while the next is a slapstick scene tantamount to Peter Griffin falling down the stairs, or some sex joke. In what way is this supposed to mesh together? How would this be any different than if a movie showed a guy and how horribly depressed he is after getting divorced and how he now has to figure out his life, only then to cut to a scene where his friend is taking a dump with comically loud fart sounds? The way how emotional scenes in the show are presented goes against the very nature of the show itself. If Helluva Boss is supposed to be a comedy at heart, that just makes the gut wrenchingly emotional and dramatic scenes just feel out of place and makes them feel difficult to take seriously.

My solution: Pick a genre and stick with it. Flip-flopping between what genre you want your show to be at one given moment is not conducive to good storytelling. In fact, the serious melodrama and slapstick comedy grind against each other pretty hard and don’t really mesh. It’s hard to find comedic scenes funny when you had a depressing scene just a few moments prior, and hard to take a serious moment seriously when you had goofy slapstick comedy and sex jokes before that. If you want your show to be a goofy slapstick show like Family Guy or American Dad, then go for it and stick to it, the same applies if you want to make the show a serious drama like The Sopranos.

Conclusion

Look, I love Helluva Boss. I mean would I write ‘x reader’ stories for IMP and have old Gmod screenshots with Helluva Boss characters in my portfolio of work if I didn’t like the show? I love the setting and a good deal of the characters, and I want to see the show actually stand out and succeed for all the right reasons, not fall into obscurity and ridicule because of what the show currently is. The concept and some of the ideas that the show has are brilliant and would be amazing if they were executed correctly. However, what I have noticed about the show is that good writing is substituted for fan-service, previous events are retconned to appease a rather small, yet belligerent sect of the fanbase, and both comedic and deeply serious themes are being undermined alike by each other.

I understand liking a show and wanting to defend it. Hell, I used to and still defend the Star Wars Prequels, but even though I love and defend the Prequels, I understand some of the jarring moments within those movies and how they could’ve been presented better. I feel that the fandom that Helluva Boss has needs to learn that nuance and critical thinking to better argue to the creators what needs to be changed, or what doesn’t: what works and what doesn’t. As the show currently is, there is a lot that should be changed to deliver a better project and it can make the show even better than what it is.