#the fact that that is indeed the assertion other people make about the situation?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

the "what are you even talking about, like what do you mean when you say this" overlap imo between people talking about who's Bad At """conflict""" & talking about who's Bad At """"""social skills"""""" like. those supposed Social Skills being about carbonized Rituals that serve to indicate you're not a threat to each other, b/c the only reason to truly deviate from "never behaving in a way someone doesn't expect or feel they immediately understand / sympathize with" is b/c you're using more spontaneous communication to Fight, with an eventual winner/loser, and talking is just a power struggle and/or power play to assert your preestablished higher status, i.e. already being thee A Winner here

like this exhausting dynamic b/w these two bros just like talking about what they got out of [xyz] experience and how perhaps especially when you're supposed to be [the concept of Men] things are elevated re: the proximity to / frequency of fighting each other and always assessing each other's Threat Level, and these two random guys just have this tepid discussion and any time someone goes "and i also alternately/additionally thought/felt [xyz]" the other one does the bizarre like, semi exasperated? "no yeah Of Course" as though like oh we are so on the same page you didn't even have to say that and actually you're kind of an asshole for even starting to say it before i immediately cut in as soon as i realized i could agree at all to tell you to shove off with voicing it, how dare you even theoretically think i don't think exactly what you're thinking now shut up….again: exhausting

like Communication, the more freeform or extensive, is Bad, b/c you're potentially in Conflict, and conflict is fighting & being threats to each other & someone potentially needing to be crushed b/c how else do you resolve a Conflict Fight? versus like, can not the concept of A Conflict be more distilled to something so matter of fact that nobody even needs to Feel any ways about it. like the "theoretical" conflicts that would just be like. something can't happen as something hypothetically intended it to. like a scheduling conflict being, in fact, a conflict, without anyone needing to have been in the wrong for having an appointment on thursday afternoon, and without anyone needing to Concede The Point of scheduling anything on a thursday afternoon b/c they are the one who Lost w/e negotiation about how to work around this. can not "i was operating on one understanding of what's going on for you / what you're trying to do and why, and now what's happening isn't aligning with that idea that i had about how things are" be a conflict that can be resolved by perhaps talking to that person. versus assuming you must be correct b/c you're normal and so something's wrong with them and/or they're messing with you on purpose b/c they're an asshole now, and even if you realize you were wrong about something way down the line you can just be like "well sorreeee how was eye supposed to know [xyz] and i Thought i was being Nice b/c i Thought you were [xyz] so i was in the right and now you're coming after me by being like 'actually by doing that maybe you hurt or even simply inconvenienced me' like so i'm evil now?? could you not have politely let me keep stepping on your toes forever b/c i assumed something was true? and if you did ummm How Could You Be So Bad At Conflict as to know ppl respond [like this] and so instead politely let me keep stepping on your toes?????? i also resent all this"

versus if you see the conflict of "i seem to have misunderstood you / you misunderstand me" as Not Necessarily Threatening then you can comfortably just actually communicate about it. that autistic people who are used to thinking of themselves through the lens of [how others may interpret any/everything about them], having to be more aware of themself as An Other than A Self, won't assume everyone's reading everyone else's mind at all, or even think of that as the ideal approach, and will like, readily give & seek information from others to actually try to be on the same page and have this Constructive experience where you've worked together to navigate your interaction as two different people who would not somehow magically be in alignment, unless you consider the "alignment" to be the power differences that must exist and the priority in Socializing, thus what makes for "good" "social skills," is never threatening them, or god forbid Disrespecting them by Ignoring them: say, how autistic people will have less status/[the social capital] b/c of being autistic, yet the assholes will be Talking (the medium of a fight) and Asking anything of others like participation in an interaction (fighting) and btw by thinking they're Allowed to talk all freestyle rather than in the hollow scripts of "i'm amicable i'm not threatening you. directly. this may be passive aggressive" and by treating me as a mere equal they're trying to drag me down to their level and/or elevate themself to mine, and b/c this is a disruption of the power hierarchy that must exist, we have a problem, and they started it, and they're an asshole

(also: i & many people Do also consciously disrespect & ignore the [socializing = power struggles] concept & its goings on lol. and there's also ofc no real "normal" Universal social style across all cultures and groups and individuals and Misinterpretation ft. bad faith reactions happens on endless fronts. but nt people will pretend there are Rules that everyone has had to be Trained on and if you disobey you'll never deserve to be treated as a person. all "and people only smile when they're happy. unless, did i miss a memo? that frowns means happy now???" etc etc like you see it's all passive aggression or the tools of passive aggressiveness but to "help" someone without threatening them but you Can be pissed if they misunderstand, or at least know you were in the right.)

the way it's Normal(tm) to never actually think of how you don't Know someone else's thoughts/feelings, to never presume they could operate differently and for reasons you can't just accurately infer with a guess re: why You'd do it, to not try to actively undergo a mutually cooperative interaction to better understand each other / be working with the same info, but oh it's autistic people who Are doing all this who never think about how other people are different from their weirdo asses. the "social skills" of assuming wrongly, getting mad at others for supposedly realities you just made up, responding to assuming xyz & being mad about it by punishing/excluding someone & possibly getting others in on it. whilest nd people with their Wrong social existences & approaches are always navigating communicating/socializing as something to do actively & consciously to connect with & understand other people and Don't necessarily think [wow this person doesn't seem to be behaving Amicably towards me?] is a) correct or b) proof they're an enemy to defeat, b/c that's how they're generally treated? the whole time you know communication can fail and you're navigating that w/active effort & constructive intent while people who operate on [if someone does something you don't expect / not according to the script: kill or be killed. or kill just b/c you can & that's the only way you can relate to yourself/others] are like wow what an asshole who i guess doesn't want to get along with anyone so let's see them in hell.

not to mention being shut out from even basics of communication b/c socializing is about respective power levels and you do need Authority to do things like "say whatever" or "have people care about your personal experience at any time" or "say anything at all, actually" like ppl discussing things like "i don't know that i can't Read Cues, vs that i just know they might mean any number of things" vs if someone's not looking at you while you talk it can't be b/c they're actually trying to listen better, it's b/c they're ignoring you / uninterested to pwn you, if they show they relate by saying "hey yeah that's like when i [xyz]" they're one upping to pwn you, if they smile they're happy people only smile when they're happy unless did i miss a memo that frowns means happy??? b/c if someone also makes any expression it Must have been caused by You and they're letting you know as much to pwn you.....or ppl talking about how they can never jump into a conversation b/c they just Can't Get The Timing Right the way other allistic ppl can walk right up and barge in and be absorbed into the convo, or even have a [one on one convo w/ the autistic person] quickly turn into [one on one w/the newcomer, Excluding the autistic person] and other people being like, is it about our "social skills" and "timing" or is about when you' have the authoriti're understood to have the superior social status, you Deserve to do things like cut in on a whim and be listened to, timing does not matter, Not ignoring / forgetting the inferior person does not matter. like, the issue isn't always just "i tried to jump in and it went a bit awkwardly," it can be standing there and talking and being completely ignored w/o much evident conscious effort, or even the least time on some pending [choice to ignore]. you can be hypothetically In the interaction, like, allowed in the group, w/o people noticing when you talk, b/c you don't warrant Listening/Processing, or at least, the least response to indicate that and thus validate that An Exchange is occurring, versus: shut up already b/c shut up always unless someone else wants you to one word answer a question and then possibly misunderstand you w/hostility, but if you Explain anything in unasked (as it always is) depth you're a) out of line, nobody told you to talk more hence the only reason you'd be justified to do so b) defensive, also out of line when you deserve others' judgment, and/or obviously a sign of knowing you're out of line and thus doing too much to avert your just punishment c) providing info b/c you think w/o info i might be Wrong b/c i'm Dumb & Bad. no You. d) all of the above and more

and if, perhaps because trying to talk live & in person means stuff like the above, and other behaviors/mannerisms being judged as weird so let's kill them b/c obv they're killing us by being so weird, and if you're trying to be "normal" that's diminishing your ability to actually communicate or like get through your day and requires hurting yourself for the benefit of others so they don't hurt you more (spoilers. the resonance w/experiences of other instances of "you're responsible for how other ppl, who are superior / have authority, treat you, and have to 'earn' their positive treatment or even neutrality b/c you do not Already inherently deserve it," i.e. interpersonal abuse) and still won't even fully or always work (see prior parenthetical) b/c even if one person pretends things b/w multiple parties can be unilateral, it is not (see: prior)....anyways and If all that means say, someone can communicate a) more effectively and b) with less real pain & depletion via Other Mediums, like emails / otherwise written, non real time correspondance, or god forbid something so Unreasonable as real time / in person that's still not talking, with correct Tone and Inflection and Body Language and Posture and Eye Contact and Handshake and Je Ne Sais Quoi and Cut Of Your Jib and All American Interests And Sensibilities and Etcccc, like what a tyrannical demand that could just never even be considered and i have the Right to eye contact and phone call and etc etc etc (you do not) Stop Hiding (you warrant avoidance if you think no one should be able to avoid you)

and parallel to nd people having the theory of mind and social/communication skills that don't understand all interactions as asserting or vying for power or indicating you're Not threatening someone in the realm of supposed social power, and thus do not operate with that premise, the victim blaming that is "obviously that treatment is bad and i would know it is bad and not tolerate it because it is bad. so people subjected to it have to be worse than me, and deserve it more" where it's also definitely not the fault of the people issuing the treatment, b/c how could they Really know it's bad if the other person is experiencing it without Stopping them, hence telling them It's Okay??? well sorrreeeeee how was i supposed to know that [xyz] was actually hurting you, it's your fault for not blowing up at me, which would've been deemed this uncalled for reaction if you had, and now i'm mad if you're Making me feel Bad b/c that's the discomfort that really matters????? fuck you for telling me, with this kind of response why didn't you tell me?? like, uh oh, same logic at work. and that when other people keep running into the realities that actually their good faith expressing of "actually this hurts me" or more spontaneous reactions to being hurt are just taken as justifications to treat Them as some aggressor / problem creator wronging the other, ofc they aren't likely to simply keep trying that when it's not serving the purpose it "should" or supposedly Would, b/c well if only this person did xyz then nothing bad could ever happen to anyone. and when people ofc Have to become accustomed to [other person or people who can & will treat them badly if they want to, or even just thoughtlessly, b/c they can, & don't choose to do the opposite, b/c even if they're aware they've hurt someone it only matters if they feel justified / they care more about keeping their relative status (it's being autistic, it's [the Authority of Superior Status is coming from inside the house: the concept that husband owns a wife, parents own children; familial abuse])] then it's like wowww they just put up with it, it's their fault then. god forbid that even if they extricate themself from one abusive situation, they're still vulnerable, other ppl take advantage of the vulnerability & they're now in another abusive situation and are used to navigating that indefinitely, vs how someone else might have the preexisting advantage of Not being used to that, not having the experiences to navigate it more indefinitely, finding it more extraordinary & thus having more confidence in their assessment of the situation, and not having the kind of vulnerability in the first place to a) have been in such situations prior b) be stuck in this one now, including perhaps being able to expect that their feelings will matter to others and others will support/help them on that basis, or that their feelings will even be regarded as real/existent. Being Autistic.

(also, yknow, other nd experiences. like adhd classics of "but if you cared / cared to try, you would simply [xyz]" and the like. this is about the crossovers, this is about the "it's the same thing. [who has the restricted autonomy? who has the power at the expense of others' autonomy?] extended universe")

and like the idea that abused people were just Bad at """Conflict.""" and that even if they're extricated from one abusive situation, they might have xyz behaviors / approaches that aren't Normal and that Those make them "worse" at "conflict" too. that nobody "normal" could be lacking in their "normal" approach to interacting with others, neurodivergent people and others who get to be, like, Others(tm) others, definitely don't have [behaviors / experiences related to repeated trauma??] pretty across the board, they're probably just doing more fucking up at being normal which is why they don't get to be considered normal in the first place, ofc. like, what tf is Normal Joe doing to question if they're perhaps not now and have not always been and may not always be the Perfect Interactor. much less to actively try to navigate that, and assume there'll be more to learn b/c there's all these other people who are all different and all always changing. and to perhaps Try to be safe to interact with beyond "well i Mean well" "well a normal person wouldn't regard anything i did as Tryinnng to hurt someone" "well is it my fault i just Assumed you were simply as normal as me? aka the nice thing to do? the thing you should be trying to do?? way to be a weirdo, like having experienced traumatic harm and now that's like, a part of your life and you're not actually Wrong about it or Lied To that that's possible b/c it clearly is and you can't be aware of the precarity re: that happening again b/c welll it's not normal for it to happen surely, i'd Know if it was, you can't recognize your vulnerability, you're kind of an asshole for making that experience anyone else's problem, it's not My fault, keep it to yourself and just get over it asap" like the real problem is if someone might have to so much as consider consciously doing something differently b/c someone else is different than they thought and also nobody's Above considering others and how they're affected by your actions. liiike so long as i didn't mean to, or so long as we don't really care about how they're doing b/c they Are less of a person with a wronger existence that means they bring it upon themself and there's a Narrative about how actually my Superiority is a noble burden that is only trying to punish them towards being as superior as me. and/orrrr i don't even have to think about it & thus have any narrative b/c it's so streamlined / obfuscated as there being any deliberate interference that this is all just Normal, right. people are out of line suggesting [xyz] is ableist or something b/c ughhh it's not about any principle it's about some emotional quota like, okay i've begrudgingly assessed Some things as sympathetic/reasonable to not do, & that's enough, & you can only ask so much of me vs this being a constant often conscious lifelong matter to deal with like it is for people who could be hurt by it?? the contempt is effortless and normal and you have to be trying to be evil & feel evil about it for anything to count. if other people say they're affected a) who cares b) they're probably being too sensitive. another way they're worse. i'm not entitled here c) are they even frowning to prove they're sad? well they're either too sensitive Or they're manipulatively exaggerating / faking it anyways. the convenient fact that nobody can provide external ""proof"" of their thoughts or feelings or intentions, which means i'm always justified if know i think i am, which, let me check, yep: i know i think i do, and it means that i can assume other people are shit inside and hurting them doesn't do anything Real and they deserve it anyways

anyways merely being Normal Mode and Not Thinking You've Been Malicious Or, Sometimes More Importantly, Out Of Line Re: Your Justified Authority is maybe not a basis of successful interactions. what if you try thinking of yourself as [an other, to all others] and not better than other people if you've never much noticed being treated as worse, or at least not as As Worse as Those people or That person, and maybe just b/c You'd only explain something to someone to patronize them b/c nothing should ever not be immediately understood, doesn't mean other people trying to convey their experiences and ideas to you b/c they know you're different people are attacking you as so inferior to you as to be patronized, b/c you're different ppl and they Are better at communicating / socializing when not treating others as inferior or superior Or only equal b/c of being Litchrelly the same person as you, Never even share a thought b/c Of Course i'd immeidately agree with it, how dare you, shut the fuck up

(thinking how people can Parallelly share a space without talking / seemingly interacting more directly than that, as "i am comfortable w/your presence" and/or "we can both use this space as we see fit simultaneously w/little to no need to hash anything out abt it / may rather silently work around what the other is doing" and this may be seen as signaling hostility / contempt / some power play, like also when cats do it b/c they choose to be around you. or just so Weird. you can't even go to a public place Alone, are you kidding? weird And sad)

maybe just saying "don't be afraid to ask questions / for help :)" doesn't make everyone comfortable asking questions / for help, or otherwise able to. maybe not even doing that much & simply thinking your being Normal & correctly Friendly implicitly conveys it to all & makes you approachable is not that guarantee, either. maybe saying "just tell me if anything makes You uncomfortable" doesn't put the responsibility on them for real, just surely takes any blame off you (no?). like sorry do you Want to asap reach a point where you can forever stop being concerned with how what you do may affect others and assume you're perfectly correct abt the needs of everyone you encounter and how your behavior is good enough to one size fits all treat anyone? speaking of being patronizing, and the attitudes behind it. someone who's abused is now Wronger about how to treat them so that they can feel safe. if they want to communicate in ways that seem weird or too distant they're wronging Me, if some misalignment can only be recognized through someone being hurt (as only judged as reasonable / real by the more Normal party) and having to have a conflict as a Fight to determine who the Wrong / Loser party is, what do you mean that's not going to feel safe to everyone. it can't be that a lot of people easily hurt others without having to notice it or Feel wrong about it. dunno how it could be that ppl are like "does being autistic share traits/behaviors associated w/trauma or is it that like everyone is all but guaranteed trauma for being autistic" and if it does well clearly what matters is no normal people feeling bad for thoughtless contemptuous abusive treatment or having to consider operating on different social values/principles towards any & everyone? the autistic people should just become not autistic, i.e. not exist, i.e. also it's their fault how other ppl treat them, whoops it's the same logic behind [anyone abused in any situation / form]

also the idea that like, what, oh someone's Wronged if they didn't feel they had the Chance to Befriend someone or even be Close to them, like, what, is anyone Entitled to even have some trial run at being any given person's friend, or close to them, or w/e other personal access to them? ppl can then cite a noble Concern like oh but if they don't let anyone in they'll be alone, oh but if a child avoids me their shit parent in their room then that can't be good for them, oh but if an autistic person goes unpunished then they'll always be hated & mistreated (as deserved), like, the primarily cited Benevolent Magnanimous reason for the disdain is secondary to [i'm just justifying continuing on exactly as i've been doing, b/c i already can] like yeah oh my god could it be possible that people in shitty positions going through shitty experiences might have complicated reactions to that reality that is different than yours but not Wronger just b/c you think yours is better / more Normal, which means better. and if they ever take on any blame / take on more responsibility in ways that they direct inwards, like that they Continue to be responsible for how others feel about them, what they assume about them, and how they treat them, (which they probably are b/c that's totally for [inferior abnormaller people] like nervous unconfident loser weirdos like them who just Failed to respect Themselves enough to not be abused & continue to be blamed for that, as well as for not being treated w/basic respect as an equal person) well then how heroic to use the idea of their compounding hurt to wash your hands of your own responsibility in any interactions w/them. they have to become as Normal as me first, how unreasonable for someone to recognize that even "normal" interactions involve some people being deemed superior while other people are more scrutinized, punished, and blamed, w/no recourse, even in Casual Friendly exchanges :) so mean to have been too uncomfortable to say they were uncomfortable or have felt too unsafe to say they felt unsafe! *i* was within my rights as [but i'm just so normal and well meaning] and i mean what do they expect, their standards are impossible and unreasonable and unfair b/c it's not i the range of Normal to Haaave to accommodate them (ugh. the Real imposition), and they're just using excuses vs taking Responsibility & enacting Agency anyways, their fault entirely. people are so sensitive these days you can't just have a conversation??? i have no problem w/this logic thanks

anyways it's half past one and i could always go on. normative standpoint "bad conflict skills" [handshake] "bad social skills" like hmm are they really. so heroic to worrying abt if [xyz] is bad for themself but what's good for themself would probably make you think they're even more of an asshole who's wronging you (e.g. someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [preventing the least conflicts via people pleasing], someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [being deemed marginally more socially successful via masking]), are you being wronged or did you presume you're entitled to something / perceive someone else as entitled b/c they weren't acting like you're inherently better than them, which you are, there's not a problem unless power is threatened, which makes it always the totally inferior people's faults, *i* didn't think there was a problem & *i* would've known (backup: well how was *i* supposed to know)....who gets to be superior, who's always in the Process of having to work for deserving basic respect as a person (b/c they keep failing to deserve it ofc), who's more vulnerable and has no recourse even if they don't like it and would be out of line just asking for otherwise / merely implying as much by expressing that they're hurt, who has the power to hurt someone whether through malicious schemes or spontaneous thoughtlessness/ignorance, who has restricted choices re: their autonomy, who gets to choose what happens to other people & the elements of their personhood, their time, energy, body, feelings, effort, etc, & hurt / imperil (require they take on more vulnerability/precarity) them to enforce it....but who cares like just go "i'm so normal that it's relatable" & wash your hands of anything, after all your time as the individual hero out here lol. try being an Other To Others rando as good as anyone else who can handle the idea they're wrong / don't already know how to be perfectly right abt everything / not feeling the least actively malicious or "out of line" isn't the end all be all sole priority. what are we talking about with what "conflict" fundamentally is, or how to approach it, or the same re: being "social"? well only assholes who wanna flex on me by being pedantic would bring it up

[flawseer]

"#21 - Ancient", follow-up

I'm not going to be able to finish Smaugust #23 today, so that will have to wait until tomorrow. Apologies.

Instead, for a change of pace, let's talk about something different. I've seen a few reactions to my submission for day 21 that wondered what on earth must have possessed Secretkeeper to romantically pursue Morrowseer, and what that must have been like. Did they love each other? Was there any tenderness or affection between them? I figured I should give you my take on them.

I believe that Morrowseer--somewhere deep within his black, twisted lump of a heart--did indeed have feelings for Secretkeeper. You can kind of see this in the Prisoners short where he very unfavorably compares Farsight to Secretkeeper and sings the praises of the latter. He holds her in high esteem and seems to value her intelligence. He probably really wanted to have a meaningful relationship with her.

Unfortunately, he is wracked with the burden of having to be Morrowseer; a bitter, deeply unpleasant, emotionally shallow old dragon incapable of the humility required to be compassionate. For all the prestige and clout that Morrowseer has as an elite member of the Queen's court, his social life seems very empty and sad. He has no friends, only co-workers (who don't like him) and underlings (who butter him up), and I think he feels incomplete because of that. To fill this void, he fixates on asserting his importance and is desperate to maintain his status. He deeply desired to be the father of the prophecy Nightwing--which would have cemented him as the one dragon who saved his tribe--and the fact that he failed to sire a child in time not once (necessitating Starflight), but twice (necessitating Fatespeaker) eats him up on the inside. He perceives this as a huge failure, and Mastermind (who succeeded where he failed) picked up on this and mocks him for it. His entire conversation with Farsight reeks of "I am mad and jealous that your kid is special! It should have been mine!! Goddamnit why wasn't it mine!??"

For Secretkeeper's side... no, I don't think there's any deep affection there. I don't think she anticipated this relationship happening in the first place. But she did want to have a child, and when Morrowseer approached her, she weighed her options. If one can stomach living with someone like Morrowseer--who always has to be the most important person in the room--it's not an entirely bad deal. You get a lot of social clout as the Queen's right hand's mate, and since Morrowseer is exempt from the strict food rationing policy, you also get to eat. And he actively wants to have children to secure his legacy, which, if that's what you want as well, is pretty good. So in my mind she probably just went "Yeah, I can probably make this work. I'm sure he's not as bad to be around when he likes you." and agreed out of convenience.

But I doubt she loved him. There isn't really a reality where I can reconcile "She loved him" and "She kept their shared child a secret from him because she did not trust him". The only thing Secretkeeper genuinely loved about Morrowseer was that she was able to have Moonwatcher. So she stuck it out for her daughter, and I don't think she was upset for very long when Morrowseer died. She might have even felt a sense of relief that she didn't have to keep lying anymore.

I've seen people point to the fact that Secretkeeper felt a desire to tell Moonwatcher who her father was, and then posit that this means she did have feelings for him. I'm not sure I really agree. All that tells me is that she has feelings for Moonwatcher and wants her to know the truth. But if the truth is "I didn't really love your father, he was an awful and unpleasant person and I was just with him so I could have you", it becomes understandable why she would choose not to tell her.

That's my read of the situation anyway. Yours might be entirely different!

[synchodai]

Explaining the appeal of Brokeback Winterfell

Alternative title: The Inherent Homoeroticism of Jacaerys Velaryon and Cregan Stark's Relationship that Has Taken Residence in The Deepest Recesses of My Hyperfixated Brain

Let me establish these characters before everything else.

Jacaerys Velaryon. His deal in the books is ambiguous but it's pretty clear in the show — he knows his claim to the throne is built on a lie, so he overcompensates for this by trying to be the perfect prince. He is dutiful to a fault, severely self-conscious and self-critical, and protective of his mother and brothers. He knows his uncles, his rivals to the throne, with their bigger dragons and silver hair have more claim to Valyrian heritage than he ever will. This all manifests in him striving to become this idealized image of the perfect Targaryen prince that he knows he can never achieve.

Cregan Stark. If Jace is supposed to be the perfect Targaryen prince, Cregan is talked about like the second coming of the old Kings of Winter. He is formidable swordsman and a stern ruler who doesn't hesitate meting harsh punishment. He is the idealized image of a Stark lord — stoic yet fierce in battle, someone who keeps to his oaths and the law.

However, what most characters in the books (and people in the fandom) seem to forget is that Cregan, at least in the dance, is very young — that's why I personally love the fact that HBO made him clean-shaven on the show. He's still a gruff northener, but it emphasizes his youth. He's 21-23 during the time of the dance, and he is ruling over Winterfell as someone who had to depose his uncle when he was a teen.

Mind you, northerners have tighter-knit families compared to most everyone else in Westeros. To quote the books: When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives. Cregan had to make himself a lone wolf in order to assert his lordship over Winterfell — which to a northern lad who already lost his father and younger brother must have been a difficult choice to make. Add to that his childhood friend/wife dying in childbirth and leaving him a single father, Cregan must be a very lonely wolf indeed.

But despite his loneliness, he does not let anyone in — or rather, he believes that he can't afford to because he knows there are people who will take advantage of his youth and his affections. It's shown in the Hour of Wolf that he is unforgiving, guarded, and does not trust anyone. This is understandable given that his uncle who raised him as a boy committed treason against him. But he seems to have a soft spot for those who are fierce and free-spirited and people who appeal to his sense of duty — these give him "acceptable" avenues to put down the northern masculine mask and be less rigid. Both tie back to a yearning for family.

Okay, so you got these two fellows: Prince Perfect Not-so-Valyrian Heir and Lord Stoic Northman Who Is Actually Deeply Lonely. Both of them have molded themselves to fit this mask of ideal masculinity because they believe it is their duty to their families and the only way to protect themselves in the arena of feudal politics.

Now put them together and what do you get? Chemistry. They see themselves in each other which leads to identification which leads to empathy which leads to curiousity which leads to dissection which leads to vulnerability which leads to intimacy. Jace sees the authority and respect Cregan commands and Cregan sees Jace's attachment and support from his immediate family, and they both desire something the other has, not fully realizing that they are forced into situations where they could not have both. It's juicy, it's rife with tension, it's the pact of ice and fire, baby.

Anyway, this is all to say...Sara Snow is a metaphor for the feminine vulnerability and yearning these two shared. That she is both a bastard and beloved sister is a combined manifestation of the two men's most deeply held desire — for Cregan, his yearning for close family who has no political claims that will get between their relationship, and for Jace, his need to be acknowledged and accepted as a bastard child.

They trained and hunted and drank together — things regular young men do, but that the crown prince or Lord of Winterfell wouldn't have much opportunity to when one is studying Valyrian/dragonriding while the latter is making sure his paramountcy doesn't go into famine come winter. It's easy to imagine them bonding over the honor and burdens of their stations, their lost childhoods, their grief over losing loved ones, how their uncles who they grew up with betrayed them — just finding so much in common that it allows them to finally lower that meticulously crafted persona they use as their strength and shield.

And you wonder then, have they found someone who sees not as a fearsome wolf or powerful dragon, but just as...a handsome dude who they love to hang out with? Cause that would be sweet, bro, no homo. (But maybe some homo if you're okay with it.)

And the actors just really play into all of that with how they look at each other. Ugh, beautiful.

(Shameless plug: This is all why I wrote a fic about them.)

[wanna-b-poet31]

So...Manipulation And The Metatron (GO S2 Spoilers)

So, listen, that ending though? These are just some of my thoughts (and I promise a more cohesive meta later) but I noticed that when recounting how the Metatron described Aziraphale (as the ideal candidate for supreme archangel) he says:

1) Aziraphale is a Leader 2) Aziraphale is honest 3) Aziraphale does not “just tell people what they want to hear”

And then, that the above qualities are the reason that Gabriel came to him in the first place (Metatron imagines).  Now, this isn’t an Aziraphale hate post (in fact I have so much empathy for my poor Angel) but none of those things are true and we see why these points are wrong played out in our minisode flashbacks. 

On the first count: Aziraphale is a Leader This implies a sense of individuality and ability to work with others well. Sure he works with Crowley well, and he did just protect his Bookshop from being burnt to a crisp. But, he wasn’t leading anyone and in the 1826 flashback in Edenborough, he cannot lead any of the humans towards good (it’s only when he partners with Crowley and follows his lead that Elsbeth is able to find a different avenue in life.  Additionally, he was put into a leadership position in Season 1 (to lead a battalion of Angels for Armageddon)_ and he blatantly, outright REFUSED. He does not want that responsibility and he does not do well in those situations without Crowley.

On the second Count: Aziraphale is Honest. The entire point of the Job Minisode was to establish that Aziraphale has no problem lying to Heaven, the Angels, (we already knew he was okay lying to G*d as that was his literal first scene in Season 1, Ep. 3), and demons (a la the 1941 minisode). 

Part of the point of saving Job’s children hinged on him lying. Saving Crowley from the “evidence” of their closeness, relied on him lying. Hell, even the catalyst for getting Wee Morag killed was because he lied about changing the body.  Aziraphale. Is. NOT. Honest. (and that’s okay). If anything, it’s Crowley who generally is reliably genuine (at least to Aziraphale) and it helps highlight how his moral compass works. 

For more thoughts on this, I literally wrote like 10 Meta about it in 2019. I’ll link one here.

On the third Count: Aziraphale does not just tell people what they want to hear

Across all of the Minisodes (and in the pre-time flashback) Aziraphale’s main response to stress is to either distract from the situation and/or tell people what they want to hear.  For example: While he doesn’t tell Crowley what he wants to hear (that his nebula system will go on indefinitely), he does try to tell him that the think he’s already made is beautiful and capitulates alot to Crowley’s assertions about G*d.  In Job’s parable, he tells the angels what they want to hear about the children (both before they save them and after)  In 1826, he tells the surgeon and Elsbeth what they want to hear after he figures a way of making his morals “work” for their bodysnatching plan.  In 1941, he lies and tells the demons after Crowley what they want to hear (although as a lie to save Crowley from punishment)  This is all to say that the first way the Metatron tries to entice Aziraphale to his side is through empty praise (especially empty if he indeed has been “taking a closer look at his previous jobs and seen the partnership he has with Crowley”). When it doesn’t work, when appealing to Aziraphale’s inner insecurities is still met with resistance, then, and only then, does the Metatron brings out the “trump card”: An appeal to ensure Crowley’s safety.  I find in interesting though that these 3 characteristics (values Aziraphale has, for sure) were chosen to try to persuade him. I wonder why they were picked when they more accurately describe Crowley.

Crowley, the demon who took charge on saving Aziraphale, orchestrating rescues and then later taking charge to save the humans, (and then also took charge in saving Nina and Maggie when Michael wanted to turn them to pillars of salt). 

Crowley, the demon who is heartbreakingly honest to Aziraphale and refuses to lie to him (although his omissions this season are apparent to the audience, they are not to Aziraphale). 

Crowley, the demon who does not tell Aziraphale what he wants to hear because he much more values honestly and genuinely believes in the angel’s goodness.  I think these 3 values were chosen to make Aziraphale think about Crowley, priming him for the “promise” of safety later.

I’m not sure (I’m still processing the ending as are we all) but those were just some thoughts/observations I had. Thanks for entertaining my ramblings?

[starsreminisce]

Elriel might bring out the worst in each other.

Elain's presence could intensify Azriel's innate desire to protect her, potentially leading Elain to resent him in the same way she did with Nesta in ACOSF.

Some people like to highlight the fact that Azriel gave Elain Truth-Teller, a weapon he had never bestowed upon anyone else before. In his bonus chapter, he playfully teased Gwyn about how he couldn't sleep without his favorite dagger, to which she responded with a lighthearted remark about it being a "comfort for every growing child."

So, the question arises: Did Azriel anticipate that Elain would use Truth-Teller as a weapon, or did he give it to her with the intention of providing her comfort, especially since she expressed her reluctance to be armed? He did explain to her that it was a magical blade that always struck true. Elain only accepted it after Feyre reassured her that she wouldn't be in a situation where she needed to use it.

Considering that Azriel trusted Elain with Truth-Teller, a weapon she eventually used to stab the King of Hybern, leading to Nesta's final blow, even though she had no prior experience with it, why then did Azriel doubt her ability to participate in the search for the Trove?

Nesta, at the time, was not in a suitable mental and emotional state to engage in the search. Cassian advocated for her, understanding her limitations, and Nesta's own point of view reflected her apprehension about being involved.

Elain, on the other hand, was the first to express her desire to find the Trove, even though she wasn't part of the initial conversation. She made it clear that Nesta couldn't dictate her actions. Moreover, being favored by the Cauldron might have provided her with some level of protection against its darkness.

If we were to replace Nesta with Azriel in that situation, considering they share similar overprotective sentiments toward Elain, she would likely assert herself in the same way. It's worth noting that Azriel has a tendency to be overprotective, as seen in his refusal to let Mor handle her own issues with Eris.

And as Elain continues to assert herself, it's possible that Azriel may become even more steadfast in his protective stance.

It's cute and sweet that Azriel is protective over her but Elain said it herself going back to how she wants her endgame to look like:

”Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can't have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

Indeed, Azriel did express his reservations about Elain's intentions, much like Nesta.

What adds to the complexity of the situation is that he conveyed these concerns without involving Elain in the conversation, effectively silencing her perspective and denying her the opportunity to explain her reasoning for wanting to participate.

If we can criticize Rhys for intervening in Azriel's pursuit of Elain under the pretext that Elain had provided her consent and Rhys shouldn't have been involved, then we must also question how Azriel's actions differ from Rhys's when Elain has explicitly expressed her consent and willingness to search for the trove. It was not Azriel’s decision to make for her.

Azriel's declaration even came after Elain had made her wishes known that she wanted to search for it. Regardless of whether it came from a place of good intentions, it still was not his decision to make.

It's worth noting that Azriel respected Feyre's decision to learn how to fly with shapeshifted Illyrian wings. He is also assisting Cassian in teaching willing and eager females who have experienced trauma associated with various forms of violence and have no prior combat skills, going beyond mere self-defense. They have even taken steps to prepare these females to qualify for the Blood Rite.

Even Gwyn receives special lessons to handle daggers.

This raises the question of whether Azriel would only give females autonomy if he doesn't have romantic attraction towards them.

Whilst this may be a point against Gwynriel then I would have to remind you that Azriel gave Truth Teller to Elain before he started catching feelings for her.

Moreover, Rhys did mention:

“No.” I chewed on my bottom lip.Rhys's gaze tracked the movement. “I mean, she's been brave when she had to be, but she's never been confrontational.” "Maybe she was never given the chance to be that way." I whipped my head toward him. “You think I stifle her?” Rhys held up his hands. “Not you alone.” He surveyed the study as he thought. “But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she'd disappoint you all.” He sighed toward the ceiling. “With time and safety, perhaps we'll see a different side of her emerge.”

Even Rhys recognizes that Elain wants to do something greater and suggests that perhaps she has been constrained by the expectations placed on her. Such as one placed by Azriel.

[lindszeppelin]

i was asking for your take out of genuine curiosity so maybe don’t such a holier than thou know it all attitude with people who dare offer a different viewpoint? i was offering my *opinion* and some hypotheticals on the situation and you’re freaking out at me asserting things as facts when at the end of the day you know these people just as well as i do- that is not at all since we’re strangers to them.

but to my actual point. if austin does indeed feel trapped, is miserable, this whole “situationship” is draining him, he’s gaining nothing…and kate isn’t doing everything in her power to get him out of that situation as opposed to just “correcting the record” on odd occasion she is unfortunately, imo, no friend or ally to him. i didn’t think that was a controversial take. and my opinion on all this at all just comes from thinking that to really analyze it we need to look at both sides contributing, not give one all the power while letting the other off the responsibility hook completely. i like austin plenty so please don’t treat me like a bad/stupid fan for being slightly critical.

just trying to birds eye view things here. again- if he’s gaining absolutely nothing but suffering, why is his team allowing it to continue? The Lede Company is an awarded PR firm staffed by industry lauded professionals. kate, who also works for riley keough who seems to really adore her, nor anyone else working there is a rookie that i can see just shrugging their shoulders and allowing their clients to needlessly suffer. that’s not what they’re payed the big bucks for.

i see you're back for round two. you say i've got a holier than thou attitude when you literally came waltzing into my DMs with an agenda, trying to poke the finger at me and accusing me of giving austin the slide but meanwhile giving kaia the brunt of the accosting that you seem to think she doesn't deserve. also, you are not helping your case at all by saying outlandish shit like he's being groomed to take on rande's business as if he is already his son-in-law, and austin is nothing but a freeloader to this family. what do you think this is, an episode of As The World Turns? seriously, you have some nerve coming to me with your nose high in the air with this snobbery attitude, and you have the fucking balls to say that i am holier than thou?

i have given my opinions on this matter for the last year now, and i have spoken about this exact thing with his PR team and her PR team at length. you would not have come in my DMs the way you did if it was out of friendly banter. everybody knows i am open to discussion. but you came at me sideways with your bullshit that i smelled a mile away and i have my right to give it right back to you. you must think i was born yesterday to not understand the nuance of how you were asking me your question. i don't owe you a damn thing. and clearly you are willing to give kaia all the grace in the world but put austin under the microscope that he does not deserve. he has a great PR team and my point, if you cared to read it, was that his team DON'T step in at all to guide him in these matters. they seem to let austin do his thing within reason, unless they have to come in and set the record straight. so WE AGREE, moron. it is HER team that does a great deal of the string pulling. so you are once again making a damn fool of yourself by coming back to my blog not satisfied in the original answer i gave you. well that's too bad because i gave you an answer and it's not my fault that you didn't like it.

i am not entertaining your snooty, nose in the air, fake "i just wanted to know your opinion" bullshit. you must not know me because i ain't backing down on this one. you started this and this is me finishing it. if you can't comprehend what im saying, when i gave you a response last time in regards to his PR team and now a second response, then you're nothing but an instigator.

[my-reference-notes]

False Equivalence: The Problem with Unreasonable Comparisons

False equivalence is a logical fallacy that occurs when someone incorrectly asserts that two or more things are equivalent, simply because they share some characteristics, despite the fact that there are also notable differences between them. For example, a false equivalence is saying that cats and dogs are the same animal, since they’re both mammals and have a tail.

False equivalences, which generally exaggerate similarities and ignore important differences, can be used to equate a wide range of things, including individuals, groups, actions, or arguments, either implicitly or explicitly. Accordingly, false equivalences are frequently used in debates on various topics, especially when it comes to suggesting that there is a moral equivalence between two or more things that are being equated.

Because false equivalences are so widely used, it’s important to understand them. As such, in the following article you will learn more about the false equivalence fallacy, see examples of how it’s used, and understand what you can do in order to counter it as effectively as possible.

What makes an equivalence false

An equivalence is considered false when it’s fallacious in some way, meaning that there is an issue with the reasoning that’s used to explain why the things under consideration are equivalent to one another. The most common issues that make an equivalence false are the following:

The equivalence exaggerates the degree of similarity between the things being equated. For example, this could involve stating that two people share a certain personality trait, while ignoring the fact that they only share certain aspects of this trait but not others.

The equivalence exaggerates the importance of the similarity between the things being equated. For example, this could involve focusing on a personality trait that two people share, while ignoring the fact that many other people also share this trait.

The equivalence ignores important differences between the things being equated. For example, this could involve mentioning a way in which two people are similar to one another, while ignoring the many ways in which they are different.

The equivalence ignores differences in orders of magnitude between the things being equated. For example, this could involve equating different acts that two people performed, and focusing on the fact that these acts are conceptually similar, despite the fact that they’re widely different in terms of their impact.

Note that there is generally some subjectivity involved in determining whether an equivalent is false or not. For example, in a situation where there is a difference in the order of magnitude, in terms of impact, of two acts that are being equated, the person presenting the equivalence might believe that this difference is small enough that the equivalence is reasonable, while someone else might argue that the difference renders the equivalence false.

In such situations, it’s up to each party in the discussion to argue either in favor or against the equivalence. Specifically, the burden of proof initially rests with the person who proposes an equivalence, meaning that they must provide proper support for the equivalence. Then, their opponent has a burden of proof if they claim that the equivalence is false, meaning that they must provide proper support for their argument against the equivalence.

Examples of false equivalences

A simple example of a false equivalence is saying that a knife and dynamite are both tools that can be used as weapons, so they’re pretty much the same thing, and therefore if we allow people to buy knives at the store, then we should also allow them to also buy dynamite.

The issue with this argument is that while both these items indeed share the characteristics that are mentioned (being a tool and having the potential to be used as a weapon), there is a significant difference between them in other domains, such as their potential for causing damage, which makes this equivalence fallacious.

In addition, false equivalences are often used together with other logical fallacies and rhetorical techniques.

For example, false equivalences are often used in conjunction with ad hominem attacks, such as the appeal to hypocrisy (tu quoque) variant, where the person using the fallacy is attempting to discredit someone by claiming that their argument is inconsistent with their previous acts. For instance, consider the following statement:

“You’re criticizing the company for allowing the oil spill to happen, but what about that time I saw you litter at the park.”

Here, the person using the false equivalence is attempting to equate two events, that are somewhat similar conceptually, but involve completely different orders of magnitude, both in terms of the actions that led up to the negative events in question, as well as in terms of the outcomes of those events.

This approach can also be seen as combining a false equivalence with a red herring in cases where the fallacious argument is meant to distract people from the original line of discussion. This approach, which is associated with the concept whataboutism, has the basic following structure:

“You’re blaming [the entity in question] for [major event], but what about [the other entity] who did [something relatively minor and/or only weakly relevant]?”

Furthermore, false equivalences can also be used used in conjunction with other logical fallacies. For example, they can be combined with strawman arguments, which are arguments that distort an opposing view in order to make it easier to attack, in cases where the false equivalence equates a distorted version of an opposing stance or action with something that is perceived in a highly negative manner.

Finally, a classic example of a false equivalence has been described by author Isaac Asimov:

“…when people thought the earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the earth was spherical, they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together.”

— From “The Relativity of Wrong” in The Skeptical Inquirer (1989)

In this case, Asimov is referring to the fact that while the earth is not a perfect sphere, it’s much closer to being a sphere than it is to being flat. Accordingly, it’s fallacious to suggest that being wrong about the earth being a sphere is equivalent to being wrong about the earth being flat, and an argument claiming that this is the case would be an example of a false equivalence.

How to respond to a false equivalence

As we saw above, the issue with false equivalences is that they incorrectly suggest that two (or more) things are equivalent, in a situation where that’s not the case. Accordingly, the main approach that you should use in order to counter this fallacious reasoning is to demonstrate the issue with the equivalence that’s being presented. You can do this in various ways, including the following:

Show that the similarities between the things being equated are exaggerated, overemphasized, or oversimplified.

Highlight the differences between the things being equated, and explain why these differences are more significant than the related similarities.

If the similarity between the things being equated is flawed due to a significant difference in terms of order magnitude, point this out and explain why it’s an issue.

Provide counterexamples which, under the current classification, would also be considered equivalent to the things being equated, but which contradict the point that the person using the false equivalence is trying to make.

Ask your opponent to justify why they believe that their equivalence is valid, and then demonstrate the issues with the reasoning that they provide.

Note that, as we saw earlier, the false equivalence fallacy is often used in conjunction with other logical fallacies and rhetorical techniques. For example, this can involve a misleading representation of the two sides in the equivalence, through the use of cherry-picking, with the aim of making one side appear more positive and the other more negative than they really are.

When this happens, you will generally benefit from addressing the particular issues with these additional fallacies. How you do this will depend on the fallacy in question, as different fallacies are countered in different ways. Nevertheless, one course of action that is effective in most cases is to simply point out the logical flaw in the fallacious argument, and explain why it invalidates that argument.

Finally, when responding to a false equivalence, there are several important caveats that you must keep in mind:

Not every comparison is an equivalence; it’s possible to compare things without suggesting that they are equal to one another.

Not every equivalence is a false equivalence; in many cases, an equivalence may be entirely reasonable.

Not every false equivalence is intentional; in many cases, people might use a false equivalence without realizing that there is an issue with it.

Equivalence is subjective; it’s not always possible to clearly determine whether a certain equivalence is false or not.

How to avoid using false equivalences

To avoid using false equivalences, you should make sure that whenever you equate two or more things with one another, you have proper justification as to why the things in question are equivalent, based on relevant criteria.

If necessary, you should explicitly explain why you believe that the equivalence in question is reasonable. This will help you ensure that your equivalence is indeed reasonable, and help you demonstrate this to the people that you’re talking to.

Furthermore, keep in mind that you can use the same techniques that you would use if you thought someone else was using a false equivalence, in order to ensure that you’re not using one yourself. For example, if you’re unsure about whether an equivalence that you’re thinking about is reasonable or not, you could attempt to highlight the differences between the things that you’re equating, and ask yourself whether the equivalence still holds.

Finally, you can help address some potential issues with your proposed equivalences by being upfront about them, and using appropriate language when presenting the equivalences. For example, if you’re equating two actions that are similar in nature but whose outcomes are different in terms of orders of magnitude, you could address this directly, and explain why the equivalence is still sound. Doing this can turn an equivalence that would otherwise be fallacious into an argument that is generally viewed as reasonable.

Related fallacy: false balance

“If one person says that it’s raining and another person says that it’s dry, it’s not your job to quote them both. It’s your job to look out the window and find out which is true.”

— Attributed to Journalism Studies lecturer Jonathan Foster

False balance is a logical fallacy that occurs when someone suggests that, if there are two or more opposing positions on a certain topic, then the truth must rest somewhere in the middle between them. This concept often plays a role in the media, where it’s also referred to as bothsidesism, in situations where journalists present both sides of a story as if they are balanced and equal to one another, even when evidence shows that this is not the case.

For example, false balance might play a role in a group interview, if equal weight is given to the opinions of two opposing interviewees, one of whom is an established expert in their field who relies on scientific evidence, while the other is a false authority with no valid credentials, who relies solely on personal anecdotes.

False balance can occur as a result of a false equivalence, in cases where two sides are presented as being equal, despite the fact that they’re not. The two terms are sometimes used interchangeably, though they have distinctly different meanings, as is evident in the different definitions of each term.

Summary and conclusions

False equivalence is a logical fallacy that occurs when someone incorrectly asserts that two or more things are equivalent, simply because they share some characteristics, despite the fact that there are also notable differences between them.

An example of a false equivalence is saying that a person shouldn’t criticize a company for allowing a catastrophic oil spill to happen, because that person littered once.

When responding to a false equivalence, you can show that the similarities between the things being equated are exaggerated, highlight the differences between the things being equated, present counterexamples that demonstrate the issues with the equivalence, or ask your opponent to justify why they believe that their proposed equivalence is reasonable.

To avoid using false equivalences, you should make sure that whenever you equate two or more things with one another, you have proper justification as to why the things in question are equivalent, based on relevant criteria.

It’s important to remember that not every comparison is an equivalence, not every equivalence is a false equivalence, and not every false equivalence is intentional, and to keep in mind that there is some subjectivity involved when it comes to determining whether an equivalence is reasonable or not.

https://effectiviology.com/false-equivalence/

[transmutationisms]

ok but in a possible relationship between roman and mencken homosexuality would have to factor bc roman for sure is the botom so homosexuality as identity has to be dealt with specially considering their reactionary politics

i'm not sure you're fully understanding what i'm saying. logan is both homophobic and bottomphobic: he's disgusted by men's bodies and men fucking each other; he's also generally disdainful of people he perceives as weak, feminine, or submissive. though there's some connection here, i think it's worth remembering these are two distinct beliefs.

wrt menckenroman in particular, ia roman is clearly taking the bottom role—he's the seducer, and in this businessfuck, he's the one getting fucked. roman's attraction to mencken is part of his overall infatuation with strongmen and fascist masculinity—his negative oedipus complex. roman's also acting as an avatar for waystar, so this is simultaneously fictional fox news flirting with fascism, and roman flirting with a father figure.

i don't think any of this necessitates roman or mencken engaging with gay identity politics or considering themselves gay. my general point here is that it is fully possible to engage in activities that sexologists would classify under the schema of homosexuality Without considering yourself a homosexual—or indeed accepting the social-scientific epistemology that asserts the existence of distinct sexual identities at all. the homosexual as a Type is historically situated. behaviour that we would refer to as homosexual long predates the naming and assigning of this type; people have always thought about themselves and their sexual behaviours in lots of varied ways, some of which are radically different from our current psy-science sexual taxonomy (which i repeat really only dates back to the 19th century, which was about 5 minutes ago in the grand scheme of things).

i think roman is aware that he likes to flirt with men. i also think that he does not believe this makes him gay (or straight, or bi!). i don't think he believes that sexuality labels really apply to him. he is definitely aware on some level of the fact that he gets punished within his family unit and his business world for being soft, submissive, and effeminate. certainly his inability to normatively fuck women, and his interest in men, plays into this. but i don't believe he conceptualises himself as A Gay Man, despite knowing he is interested in men.

that's really my only point here. it doesn't mean that homophobia as a social force is not relevant to understanding how his character operates in the world (it clearly is). i just think that a lot of times people talk about the succession characters as though they must simply be in denial about having gay desires, and i disagree. there are other reasons characters might not claim an lgbt identity, and other ways these characters might be thinking about their sexual desires and behaviours.

[starshipsofstarlord]

Smooth as the nine realms

loki laufeyson x reader / masterlist

summary; the midguardian lifestyle is strange, but there is an aspect of it that loki is definitely not accustomed to, and he’s conflicted about whether he likes it or not / warnings; smut, talk about pubic hair, or lack of, oral sex (female receiving)

kicking off your leggings, you abolished them to the other side of the room, straddling loki as he abandoned his book, caring not that the pair of you were in the middle of the common room, nor the fact that he had lost his page. it had been a few months since loki had been forced to join the avengers on their next quest, thor had practically dragged him towards the bifrost.

but now, he didn’t mind earth so much. sometimes it could be quiet, that was when all members of the team were away on missions, and thor allowed him to be by himself. this though, the way you, an average, world protecting midguardian straddled him, after stripping out of your top and bra, in the middle of a public sector of the domain, was something that he sure as valhalla had no mind about.

in fact, he rather enjoyed the way that your hands roughed down the points of his shoulders, and trailed down his biceps, that were underrated, especially in comparison to his brother’s. the two of you had been playing a game since he attacked the planet, it was a chase of cat and mouse.

at first, he had envisioned you to be the mouse, but you no longer seemed meek and small any longer. instead, you were the feline that was cosying herself upon the perch of his royal lap, descending her grounding hips over the throne of his pelvis.

“what is it trickster, cat got your tongue?” you seemed rather confident with the way that his eyes remained glue to your mound, he realised that must have been quite a complimentary action for a mortal man to show to his partner.

to be truthful, it felt as though all speech was parched from his mouth, he had knowingly waited for this instance where you would deliberately rut yourself against him; like heimdall, he had a vision of the future delved in the reverse side of his eyes, though, his reaction was the most unexpected thing that he could had intended to paraphrase.

he trailed his hand over your mound, through the fabric of underwear, watching mercilessly as you bucked into his hand. midguardians were something else, they weren’t as sensual as others he had been with concerning their sexuality, in fact, as it appeared, some were desperate.

you were rutting in his grip, though he applied a stern hold unto them, forcing you to stop your ravenous movements, and pose stilly for the god beneath you. he gently, which was a surprise to you with how tender and kind his eyes had become, laid you down on the couch that stark has paid a pretty penny for, exchanging your positions so that you were the one under his demeanour.

“do something.” you eagerly insisted, lacing your mortal fingers through his midnight locks, tugging gently at his dark roots. a glassy encasement covered his eyes as he stared up at you, it was a mess to place the expression that was carried within them, gods were difficult, that much was clear. though, you weren’t seeking anything particularly intimate with the company of one, this had been inevitable though.

it had been like a kettle brewing, screeching like an applause when the pair of you had finally gotten to the point of no return. this was it, there were no divine interventions or avenging interruptions to discard this moment, instead you and loki were thrown this coin toss, given your desires in the aura of a wish fountain.

“humans.” his voice prowled, making bumps appear on your skin, as he blew a swift succession of cold air across your stomach, it sending a blizzard of coolness up the paving of your chest, making your nipples undeniably hard, their stiff peaks that beaded under his breath were almost painful as they stood obediently to attention. “always so demanding, why can’t your kind beg for a change, i know that would appease my hunger?”

“oh loki, please.” your tone was severely monotone, and caused the mischievous lord to roll his gemstone eyes, rendering their spheric pupils to glare in amusedly at you, though, he tugged your panties down, the sight leaving him breathless. he was enraptured with the sight, perplexed by it as his emerald eyes stared up at you for an explanation. though, you were not sure what he was expecting from you.

his throat dry, as for once, he was not able to comprehend the situation. his silver tongue had gotten lost, obstructed as he grew distracted by the visual that he was receiving. it was a cunt, he knew that much, but there was someone uniquely different about it, he’d assume it was scalped if her were to make verbal predictions. “what is this?”

“my attempts at deflating your ego. i am not going to beg for you to do something to me, i can easily find someone else.” you rested your head back, digging the crown of it further into the end of the couch, as you parted your legs a little further to resend an invitation for him to proceed.

“not that...” loki revealed, paving his icy hands up the roads of your thighs, letting his forefinger brush over your pubic mound, it was like the bifrost, a smooth pathing to a transportation of depth, one that he wished to investigate, though he was still stricken by the eventing shock that pulsed within his golden veins. he had always been a curious child, and he remained to be as keen to know all now, at centuries upon centuries old.

“have you never seen a vagina before?” you huffed, wanting him to do nothing more than devour your cunt, stabbing you with his vigilant tongue so that he could curl crude and priceless sounds out of your mouth. if anyone knew that you were about to participate in intercourse with the destructive, slippery handed body, they would surely judge you.

but they didn’t, and even if that were not the case, you wouldn’t care. your mind was far too preoccupied with the growing inclination to jump the god’s elegantly crafted bones, bury for now you, remained still, allowing him to assert his comfort within the situation. “what’s wrong?” this time, he answered you, looking almost like a dear kitten that was plodding through the bustling streets, seeking out attention from a kind citizen, having hopes to be taken to a home, and fed well.

“why-,” he cleared his throat, he never came across as this nervous to anyone, it was as though he feared what you may think of him if he were to speak his mind. “why don’t you have hair- here?” he stroked the pad of his thumb over the flat and bare crest, finding it to be one of the most peculiar things regarding humans that he had ever witnessed.

“because i shave.” it was a simple answer, whilst all while being not as direct as the god was hoping for. “it’s kinda a thing down here, some people let it grow out, others don’t. it’s whatever picks their fancy, and a lot of people, like me, shave so intimate partners don’t get grossed out. some guys are dicks and hate everything that is natural.”

“well i’d still be reaped with great, reprised regret, if i were to reform the idea of giving you satisfaction if you were to have a natural slate sheathing around your sweet cunt.” he inhaled, making your muscles wither with succumbed arousal. the god could smell your distinct scent of attraction towards him, and he was visually compelled by the aroma that invaded his senses.

loki, without warning, placed his palm over your clean shaven mound, holding you down as his tongue worked against your tender flesh, stroking it as though he bore a hand of intricacy, sketching out every detail of your skin, plucking the outer labia into the hatch of his often deceiving mouth. he had to admit, in his mind of course, he liked the access that he was granted by this strange human lifestyle.

the idea of pubic hair was one of parts of a woman’s body that usually fuelled the immortal man, however if you didn’t want to bear its follicles on your skin, then that was to it choice. he wouldn’t judge you for it, although he happened to judge midguardians on everything. you were different from the others though, despite sometimes bickering, and making stabbing jokes towards one another, he rather enjoyed your presence.

with you nearby, he finally felt seen. he was not only the immortal that had prided himself with almost crushing an entire mortal city, no. you saw through that, understanding that he was definitely not in his own mindset, he had been controlled. it was never in his plans to venture to midguard, even if it was to cause a ruckus. but now with you, he never wanted to leave.

despite your optimal obligations regarding the team, and villains much like himself, he felt accepted. thor too appreciated him, but that was far different, there had always been a means of competition between the brother, with you, that regard was not present. he could be himself, and appreciate your side silhouette, and demand the agents that passed by with wandering eyes with threats if they did not continue walking.

now that he thought about that, as he engorged on the taste of your cunt, sliding a prying finger through the door of your entrance, fumbling your clit with his bewitched thumb, he realised something. a great surprise to himself. he indeed cared about you, but far more than he had ever anticipated to. his fingers slowed as he became mesmerised with every small noise that projected from your mouth, wanting to drag this instance out for as long as possible.

not only did his self realisation show him that he found some calm in your lasting presence, but he had feelings. usually he blocked off such things, but the heavenly expression that illustrated itself upon your face had him inwardly swooning. he felt you comb your fingers through his locks, and he hummed. he wanted this moment to last forever, in it, he was not a god, nor an infamous trickster.

he was just a man swarming with irregular emotions towards a woman, a being of optimistic resort; if things were as simple, or if he understood as well, he’d ask to take you for dinner. but he didn’t know where to start with that, not only did he have a lack of wisdom when it came to human restaurants, but he had no clue as to how you would respond. he didn’t even think that you saw him as a suitor, he was simply a deliverer of teasing and now pleasure.

“fuck loki.” the mortal swear sounded like a spell, making his body overbear itself with a proud sensation as he pushed you over the edge, removing his fingers only for you to bring them to your own mouth and clean them off. “holy shit, that was so good. maybe i should have started with gods years ago.”

inherently the mischief source growled, his mind instantly going over to the idea of you choosing his brother; everyone did, they had a strong preference. from his family to his old friends, they all liked thor more, and that was how his resentment towards his brother had originally stemmed. he felt like an outcast, and from that reminded alone, conjoined with your interest towards his brother, he felt his eyes grow glassy.

“go to him. i’m sure thor would appreciate your partnership.” yes, he was acting like a sulking toddler, and it had your brow bone raising as you took in his words. it was his clap back response, and you grasped him, stopping him from leaning the room. you felt slightly vulnerable, being in the nude after such a small lash, but you knew something was bothering loki, and it was clear to what that was.

“i do not want your brother loki, nor any other god.” your voice bit back a strain to its tone, as you stared at the man, standing in your birthday suit before him. your hands splayed on his chest, feeling his heart through his attire viscosity beating. “there is no need to be jealous, it feels like we’ve playing this game for so long, and i intend for it to be over. i will be the first to admit it, i want you, all of you. from the dark corners to the hopeful light in your eyes.”

loki was astounded, nobody had ever been so straight forward with him. despite being the god of mischief, the half of the time it was him whom was the victim of lies. “you don’t mean that.” his hands lightly traced every dip in your hips as he searched your expression for certainty. “nobody wants me, i am the monster that had tales spread to fear the children of my people of a night. there is nowhere i belong, nor anybody whom i belong with.”

“that may be your mindset, or the one that you are speaking, but you are lying to yourself. i do want you loki odinson, please accept that.” he gulped, nobody had ever had he guts to tell him how it was, and here you were, simply speaking your mind before him. it was an admirable feature, something that he deemed to be a favourable quality. “now i think i’m gonna get dressed and head to my room, i am feeling a bit cold. come find me when you feel like admitting the truth to yourself, i’ll be waiting.”

as you went to turn, loki grasped your elbow, hushing your questions with his mouth, as he clutched your cheeks, passionately endorsing you in a meaningful kiss. he walked you backwards, until the pair of you once again fell onto the furniture. “you don’t have to wait y/n, because i do not want to.” he ushered pecks down your neck, as you grew warm from the disappearance of his usual cockiness, it being replaced with true confidence, that served as a show for no one, and instead was his own admittance to all.

[xiyao-feels]

Finally got around to writing down some thoughts on the differences between Empathy and the original—per scene and then a general reflection.

Episode 10

(episode 10 differences)

Going through this chronologically, our first comparison is the captain encounter. Honestly I think NMJ was straight-up inventing most of this—even aside from the sheer absurdity of MY, what, smuggling XY out of prison, bringing him into the middle of everything (he runs into the Captain and friend AND WWX!), XY…just going back into prison…well, anyway, putting all that aside—the Captain's questions here seem like NMJ's preoccupations, not the Captain's. The Captain is hugely contemptuous of MY, but he's not, like, obsessed with his innermost heart, you know? "You're lying! I just saw that. You were talking. Tell me honestly. What's your ulterior motive?"—that's NMJ, not the Captain at all. Plus there's the way the Captain grabs MY basically the exact same way NMJ does. 

Next up there's MY telling NHS he's going to go check on XY—minor phrasing differences aside, one thing that's interesting is we don't get all of MY's reaction/decision before he tells NHS in Empathy, just the tail end:

Ahhhh, now, the bit where NMJ sees MY stab the captain! You can see here the beginning of a pattern of Empathy erasing the Wen. MY throwing himself in front of the blade to save NMJ is removed, of course, but so is NMJ fighting WZL, as he was before going to the prison in episode 10; in the Empathy he's just kind of standing there. And then sees MY, uh, creepily pick up a sword??? And follows him??? Instead of hearing that XY's escaped and running to the prison because of that, which is of course what happened in episode 10. (So XY is erased some in this scene, too; even when it comes to MY's excuses, he says It wasn't me, but we don't get to 'Xue Yang killed him', as we do in the original.)

Some other points of interest here… Of course the expression NMJ sees on MY as MY kills the captain is only shown in Empathy. Interestingly, also, while MY is quite clearly terrified at NMJ's approach in both, in episode 10 it's presented immediately, while in the Empathy he has a beat before he starts reacting that way.

The last scene—NMJ confronting MY and kicking him out of Qinghe. In the Empathy, we start with MY having been thrown onto the floor, rolling—but this isn't there in episode 10, and to be honest I think it probably didn't actually happen. First, while I can see NMJ throwing MY onto the floor, I don't actually think he'd throw him quite that hard at this point in time? And it's also got a lot of visual echoes of JGY rolling down the stairs; I think he's projecting backwards. Of course, it still takes MY longer to recover in episode 10; Empathy consistently minimizes the physical harm done to MY.

So the conversation is interesting because it's really just two different conversations in the Empathy vs episode 10. In episode 10, MY leads with the Captain's abuse of him, and he's clear that it's habitual, ongoing, long-term. In Empathy, he leads with the Captain releasing XY, /adds in/ that the Captain wanted to kill him (that's not there in episode 10!), and absolutely skips over and minimizes the abuse: the beatings aren't mentioned, the credit-stealing isn't mentioned, the insulting and humiliating… even the 'Every time' is removed from before the 'he humiliated my mother', making it seem like this was a one-off provocation instead of habitual. NMJ's somewhat unhinged rant about MY's motives, including the would you have killed everyone at the cave if I hadn't helped you, is also Empathy-only (and then when MY starts to reply NMJ is like, Don't lie to me! and MY shuts up, suggesting perhaps that a denial would have been lying, which may be part of why people think this is a remotely reasonable assertion).

Some other interesting things—in episode 10, we see NMJ lift his sabre and then lower it, unable to go through with it; in Empathy, we don't see that at all—in general I think there's less of a sense that he's struggling with his decision, in Empathy, it's more just like He Is Doing The Righteous Justice. Fascinatingly we also don't see him put Baxia away in Empathy—I think he must because we see a scene where he already had, in episode 10, but we don't actually see it. We also don't see MY, injured, get up and thank NMJ and walk out, or indeed NMJ's conflicted gaze after him; the scene cuts off too soon.

Episode 22

(episode 22 differences)

There's only one scene for episode 22: the WRH, NMJ, and MY scene, inside Sun Palace. Right off the bat, we have the Wen erasure again; the episode 22 scene starts with WRH directly addressing NMJ and tormenting him and his Nie cultivators, whereas the Empathy one only starts when MY walks in. (Although interestingly MY addresses WRH as xiandu, while he doesn't seem to say anything with his bow in episode 22).

This one is an interesting scene because there's relatively little overlap? In the episode 10 scenes, you mostly saw different versions of the same events; in this one there's some of that, but there are also large chunks of time that are only in episode 22 or only in Empathy. Most of the MY-interacting-with-NMJ is only in Empathy, including, yes, the damn sabre touch. But we do have the beginning of MY talking to NMJ in both. MY's expression is different in Episode 22 vs Empathy—it's a little hard to capture in a still, but it's a lot more, mmm, simpering-mockery in the Empathy version?

Ah, one detail that's interesting—so, in CQL—which is to say in Empathy because we don't see this sequence at all in Episode 22—when that Nie cultivator calls the place 'a den of Wen' he uses 温/温氏, for Wen, and then when people are insulting MY in this scene they're using 走狗. But in MDZS all of those are actually 温狗, Wen-dog. Which is definitely more directly disrespectful to WRH than the 走狗 insults, but I feel like in general CQL doesn't use 温狗 a lot, while in MDZS it's all over the place—so while it's an interesting detail I'm not sure it's suggestive for Empathy in particular. Hmmm.

We return to things being shown in both Empathy and Episode 22 with NMJ shoving MY back. In Empathy, we only see MY stagger a little, while in episode 22 it's quite considerable—again, Empathy's tendency to minimize the physical damage MY suffers.

And then MY kicks NMJ in return! Okay this is actually fascinating, because in Empathy, it looks like this totally wipes NMJ out, and the scene stops here. But that isn't at all what happened! He's knocked onto his back, yes, BUT he recovers and comes up and shoves MY hard enough he goes flying: 

He gets up and goes to attack MY, and would probably have killed him if WRH hadn't interfered. Which, don't get me wrong, is entirely reasonable of him given his understanding of the situation but it is not at all the impression you'd get from Empathy. If anything NMJ's collapse in the Empathy after MY kicks him looks like the collapse he has after WRH finishes with him, in episode 22. And MY saying How dare you be so rude in front of Clan Leader Wen when he kicks NMJ is also removed—the whole sequence here is really another example of the removal of the Wen from the Empathy scenes. 

Incidentally, MY didn't actually kill all the Nie cultivators, in this scene. If you look while MY is flying back, at least one of them is still alive:

And then you can see all four are dead while NMJ's attacking WRH:

But MY has been on the floor recovering from NMJ's attack, so he definitely didn't kill the at least one and quite probably two who are still alive.

WRH asks MY if NMJ killed Wen Xu question; you have MY staying quite noticeably silent, which I think is still meant to be understood as MY saving NMJ's life. I guess they changed it because the MDZS version really doesn't work with the flow of events as happens in CQL? For the record, in MDZS MY answers yes, but then immediately suggests that they torture him instead of killing him immediately, and then once WRH isn't set on killing him immediately, kills WRH on the spot and starts lugging NMJ's unconscious body out of there. So there's no WWX for distraction, and Sunshot's army definitely isn't right outside, there's only LXC he sent a message to and who hasn't quite shown up yet—so in MDZS he's taking a bigger risk, and more unambiguously saving NMJ's life and winning them the war. Which is not, to be clear, to in any way minimize CQL MY's astonishing bravery and achievements.

Episode 23

(episode 23 differences)

So in both we start with LXC holding NMJ and looking down at him. In episode 23, when NMJ sees MY, we see LXC see and notice his reaction and /then/ look over at MY in concern, whereas in Empathy we don't get that moment—it just goes to both of them looking at MY.

NMJ demands his sabre back, and in both MY complies, though in the Empathy one he takes a beat longer and looks more worried about it. In the original, MY also has "Let me explain" which is dropped from the Empathy.

In both we have NMJ attacking MY with Baxia, and trying to get past Shuoyue—in the Empathy it's a bit shorter, though, and we also lose LXC asking NMJ what he's doing this for. I think that goes with cutting LXC seeing NMJ react before he looks over at MY, above; the effect is to make NMJ's response seem more obvious/natural, when in fact LXC is pretty baffled by it at the time.

"he became the Wen's underling and had been helping the tyrant at Nevernight!"—the language on 'became the Wen's underling' is actually different in episode 23 vs Empathy. In episode 23, you have 原来投靠了温氏; in Empathy, though, it's 原来是做了走狗. Note the 走狗 as earlier!

Okay, and now the big one: LXC giving NMJ reasons they should trust MY/not kill him. Empathy cuts most of this. It keeps that MY is the one who sent the map, but it drops: that the reason LXC is here today is because MY sent him a message; that MY was the one who schemed to get WRH's guard down, and then /killed him/; that MY was the one who saved LXC's life after CR burned; and that MY independently approached WRH to spy on him and has been sending LXC letters the whole time. /That's really not trivial. That's a lot to cut./

I wonder if this has any relation to the common idea that LXC did not in fact have a lot of very good reasons to trust JGY.

(Incidentally it's after the MY killed WRH reveal, in episode 23, that NMJ lowers his blade.)

...also. so. In episode 23 LXC asks MY, you know, didn't he already tell NMJ about all this (a question which makes a lot more sense in MDZS, where NMJ has already woken up before LXC joins them, but I just run with it), and MY says, you saw it ZWJ, even if I had he wouldn't have believed me. And NMJ—again it's kind of hard to capture in a still, but he pretty much reacts like he thinks that's ridiculous and MY is just making excuses/being manipulative?

And then of course that gets erased from the Empathy, as well as as just mentioned most of the reasons LXC actually gave. So. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh, this also means it cuts what I'm pretty sure is the first on-screen use of A-Yao—it does show up later in the Empathy version of this scene, so I don't think that's hugely significant, but just as a note.

Then there's MY kneeling in preparation for apology, which is in both Empathy and episode 23. The Empathy cuts make it seem like he kneels pretty much right after NMJ lowers his blade, though, and we don't get to see him making the deliberate choice to step out if LXC's protection to kneel—again, I think it makes LXC seem more understanding of NMJ than he actually is here.

The apology proper is only in Empathy; honestly it mostly seems fairly reasonable to me, although it does mean you only hear LXC saying "But I believe, when he was doing such things, deep in his heart he must have been…" after the version that cuts most of his reasons for believing that. In terms of actual changes, I wonder if LXC reacted more quickly/strongly to the bit where it looks like NMJ is actually going to kill MY? It's definitely more understated than his previous reactions, and it would fit with the other changes made.

Last scene: the oath. At this point I think it's fairly well-known that NMJ looking at JGY, and LXC turning his head to look at them both, is only in Empathy—there's also, maybe?, a small change to the text; in episode 23, "Both God and people will be furious with us" is 天人共怒, but in Empathy it's 天人共戮. I say maybe because—on the one hand, the subs definitely use a different character, and it's in both the YT subs and the Netflix subs even though those aren't always 100% identical, but while I'm not usually checking the audio for this I did here because it's just the one character and the audio pretty much sounds the same to me? (ep 23) (Empathy) Could just be my ear, or a mistake on the subs' part or the audio part, who knows.

Overview

Looking at all the changes together, a few patterns emerge.

First, people who are doing damage who aren't JGY—the Wen, XY—tend to get minimized or erased from the narrative. Similarly and to some extent as a result, the harm caused by JGY is exaggerated; also similarly, the good that JGY does is also minimized or erased. Meanwhile, the damage done /to/ JGY is minimized—both the environment of abuse he suffered at Qinghe, and the physical harm done to him, which he usually recovers from much more quickly in Empathy (even when the attack itself is made stronger as, unusually, it is in the confrontation where NMJ kicks MY out of Qinghe). Finally MY is made more manipulative than he necessarily is; while I'm not saying he's never being manipulative, NMJ understands his expressions of weakness as /purely/ manipulative and inherently false, when in fact the weakness MY expresses is very real, however calculated, or not!, its expression may be.

Honestly—in this JGY who does way more harm and way less good than he actually does, who is more powerful and experiences less damage than he actually does, who is never actually weak but only acting that way to manipulate people? I feel like I'm seeing a lot of where popular takes on JGY come from.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Thoughts on The Buddie Talk from 502

Other folks have looked at this conversation, but I wanted to get on my bullshit about it too. LOL.

So imho this whole conversation is about love and heart, specifically Eddie’s but with Buck’s heart added in. Line by line analysis and commentary. Let the BS begin. Here we go…

Buck: Hey are you sleeping, or just pretending?

Day and night/light and dark are strong themes throughout the episode. @benka79 did a meta on this theme. I think that by extension, awake vs asleep is meaningful in this scene. In matters of the heart, Eddie is trying to sleep or turn a blind eye, doing what he thinks is best for Chris rather than himself. This is exactly what Carla warned him against. But he knows. He knows that Carla is right but he’s ignoring her and trying to ignore Buck. He’s only pretending to be in the dark about his heart and his desires, at least to a degree.

Eddie: I was actually trying to until you interrupted.

Enter Buck, shaking shit up. Interrupting Eddie’s well-intentioned lie. Eddie knows there’s more than meets the eye and Buck is forcing him to open his eyes, wake up and see what’s really going on and reckon with himself and his true desires.

Buck: I’m exhausted. Uh, how are you feeling?

This line has been rattling around in my brain for what feels like a thousand years. Buck is NOT asleep, he’s not able to turn a blind eye. And being the only one willing to look directly at matters of the heart is wearing him out. Dude’s exhausted! He SEES that something is up with Eddie’s heart and he wants Eddie to tell him all about it.

Eddie: Hot. I’m sweating out of places I didn’t know I could.

During the blackout, AC isn’t working so everyone is sweating. Buck even has a thin layer of sweat in the scene. Sweating from the heat is normal and completely reasonable, but is that what’s being invoked here? We know that sweating is also a symptom of health issues (panic and heart problems not the least among them, and definitely symbolically relevant here). Eddie looks like he’s sweating for normal reasons but in the next line Buck questions that.

Buck: No uh like a cold sweat though, right? Uh, any chest pains?

Again, Buck is wide awake. He KNOWS something is wrong with Eddie’s heart/feelings and that Eddie is hiding it from him. He jumps to cold sweats, the kind that are most connected to health problems and are not about the actual temperature in the room. Then follows up with asking about chest pains. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Buck is paralleled with the cardiologist. She’s about Eddie’s literal heart but Eddie’s figurative heart is in Buck’s hands and Buck’s hands only. And my dude is assertively assessing the situation.

Eddie: You don’t give up, do you? I’m fine, Buck.

Good ol’ Eddie, perfecting his avoidance and denial game. But he knows Buck. He does NOT ever give up and he especially doesn’t give up on the people he loves. Eddie recognized this and thanked Buck for it in 303. Buck didn’t give up on Christopher during the tsunami, or on Eddie in Eddie Begins or in Survivors. But that was about Chris and Eddie’s life. This scene in 502 is new in a way. Buck is refusing to give up on Eddie’s heart, his feelings. Now Buck is fighting for Eddie’s quality of life, for his happiness.

Buck: People who are fine don’t go and see cardiologists. You need to tell me if something is wrong.

Buck was so worried about Eddie in 501. Of course Eddie denied that anything was wrong but Buck isn’t stupid. In 501 he asked about the situation clearly and openly because he cares about Eddie and wants to help in any way he can, and Eddie pushed him away. So here in 502 he implicitly invokes the Will. He’s like fine if you won’t tell me as your friend who gives a shit about you, then tell me for Chris’s sake because thanks to the will, I actually fucking need to know if you’re going to drop dead.

Eddie: Alright, it was a panic attack, not a heart attack. A panic attack.

Eddie’s frustrated confession was solid gold. It laid my edges and raised my credit score. He knows that Buck’s persistence is harmless and comes from a genuine place of respect and care. Still, that doesn’t make it any less annoying for a man who’s trying to sleep, pretending his own heart isn’t breaking under the weight of his sense of duty to his son.

Buck: Since when do you panic?

My God, he knows him so well.

Eddie: That’s what I said. I don’t panic. Except I did.

Eddie accepting that this was absolutely a panic attack was huge. Before he had been pushing against the reality of it, but here in Buck’s loving care he could be honest with himself and with Buck that it was indeed panic.

Buck: Ok, well, what triggered it? I mean you did just get shot and almost killed by a sniper. I guess that could be considered an anxiety inducing-

Buck’s in full “cardiologist” mode. He’s paying forward all those years of therapy! What he’s doing here isn’t a replacement for my dude getting some real therapy but here’s Buck with his clipboard efficiently helping Eddie figure his emotional shit out. It’s perfection. It’s also good that he acknowledged the shooting. I think it’s super important that when Buck mentions it, he looks down and away from Eddie.

Buck, my dude, you are not over being covered in the blood of the love of your life. You can still feel his weight in your hands, muscle memory from lifting him above the spray of gasoline and bullets. Eddie may still be asleep on that front but, Buck, you are wide awake and exhausted by the heavy love you’re carrying.

Eddie: That wasn’t it. Ok, if I’m being honest with myself, I think it was Ana.

Oh this is fun. So you are capable of being real, you just choose not to be. Good to know.

Buck: Uh, I thought things were great with her.

Stop. Lying. You saw Eddie get squirrely when talking about the Christening. You saw Eddie get awkward af when A*a and Christopher came to the firehouse. You’ve seen these issues with your own eyeballs. Great? Really? Yeah, this just makes me think muh boy is oblivious and/or he really was expecting Eddie to come clean about issues related to the shooting, not his love life. This reiterates my point that Buck himself is not nearly done with processing the shooting.

Eddie: She’s been a godsend through all this - staying with Christopher - but I think that’s what’s causing the panic. Somehow it become a ready-made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

This portion of the conversation has been analyzed to bits by many brilliant others. I don’t have anything to add. I’m like, look dude, you already have a family with Buck and Christopher. A*a’s effin’ up your happy healthy family flow. It’s ok, just turn her loose.

Buck: So what are you gonna do?

Buck’s wisdom grows every frickin’ day. He knows this isn’t sustainable for Eddie. He knows that the heart matters. He knows that feelings are real and help us navigate toward a happy life. Action is needed and he’s nudging Eddie in that direction.

Eddie: I think I’m just gonna stick it out. Ana’s been the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon.

Oh dear, Eddie’s overblown sense of duty to everyone but himself strikes again. He can…tolerate… A*a. How romantic!

Buck: Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with.

Um, no. Buck calls shenanigans. He’s not A*a’s bestie but he doesn’t feel any desire whatsoever to have her condemned to a loveless relationship.

Eddie: My kid loves her!

Always putting Christopher first but not realizing that if he isn’t truly happy, Christopher will know because he’s perceptive af. Plus the two haven’t discussed A*a on screen so I’m not convinced Chris loves her as much as Eddie wants to believe.

Buck: Is that enough? Eddie I have been Ana. I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is not all the way in. Deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth, so if you don’t want to hurt Ana, you owe it to her to be honest.

Buck is doing A LOT of work here to help Eddie see that his plan of inaction is not good. He centers Eddie asking him if staying for Chris is enough. When that doesn’t work, he realizes that Eddie doesn’t care about his own heart enough to leave so he changes strategies and puts himself in A*a’s place to invoke some empathy for A*a from Eddie. It’s super…interesting that Eddie doesn’t care enough for A*a to come to this conclusion on his own!!

Eddie: You know it just feels like a lot man.

Why, my dude?? Explain. Could it be that A*a is serving a purpose beyond Chris? Could it be that staying with her helps you avoid, allows you to pretend and be oblivious to deeper truths within your battered but still beating heart? Does she obscure the Buck shaped hole in your ticker?

Buck: Well, go to sleep. You don’t need to decide right now. It’s not like we’re going home anytime soon.

Buck is disappointed, exhausted, and frustrated and it has my dude slinging shade like morning hash. He’s like fine turn a blind eye, ignore your heart it’s cool *all the sarcasm* Then we get the reference to home and the fact that the two of them are far from it at this point and we all know how important home is as a Buddie theme. I wrote a little about it here.

Bonus: Eddie closed his eyes after Buck walked away, the he OPENED them again. He fully saw what Buck was saying. He can’t avoid the truth of his heart for much longer.

Y’all this has GOT to be the season that one or both of these idiots realize their feelings. Excuse me while I end.

[indianaclems]

I have already mentioned many times that Nur had been the victim of harassment during his years in military school for many interrelated reasons. Aged 9, 1 year after the death of her grandmother, Nur faces her first grief and Namaari is now the head of Fang and now has heavy responsibilities in addition to managing her own grief. So Namaari decides to send her to Heart to connect with her people and get through this difficult time. If this period is peaceful thanks to Long, Raya and Benja, Nur can only see her other mother who has remained in Fang for her homework. At Heart, she learns the art of combat from her mother and grandfather, as well as a diplomatic and peaceful vision of the world. When she was 11, she returned to Fang to join the military school, as planned. However, Fang's army's vision is still clearly rooted in the past and very different from Heart's, which is why she finds herself in school failure, which discredits her as a worthy heir to the royal family and it’s then that she becomes the scapegoat of her promotion. Indeed the archaic and conservative mentalities of certain families have indoctrinated the leaders of her promotion, not hesitating to insult Raya on the fact that she has corrupted the lineage of the royal family of Fang, causing the land to run to ruin, because of her origins and the interbreeding she brings and her lesbianism, the proof being thanks to the weakest skills of Nur. The instructors aren’t left out to remind her that her mother (Namaari) was doing better at her age. The pressure doesn’t stop there, because after that it’s the origins of Nur who are attacked by the fact that she’s adopted not coming from the city of Fang, but from a remote and poor place, probably abandoned by her biological mother, perhaps even mixed origins, therefore a person who would not be "100% from Fang". Her sibling would be more legitimate, or not? Did Raya get Long by the help of the dragons as she claims, where did she trick Namaari?

What was just words becomes bullying. Faced with pressure, the fear of disappointing, asserting herself as an individual, and regaining her legitimacy, Nur locks herself in silence. Faced with this Namaari tries to intervene without knowing what is going on, chaining the blunders, and making communication with her daughter more and more difficult. Secretly admiring her mother, Nur enters a period of opposition, like the teenager she’s and gradually loses confidence in Namaari whom she sees as an obstacle to overcome to become who she asserts herself and gains her legitimacy. It’s for her a violent period, filled with loneliness, where she sees very little Long, a period which makes her suffer, but which on the one hand ends up hardening her not without difficulty.

On the other hand, it’s a period of incomprehension for the adults who are close to him and who surround her, each trying in his own way to act to help her. It’s a question here of denouncing the multiple and complex forms of violence here through different passages, but also of not falling into a nice/bad binary, and showing that it isn’t always easy to find solutions but to invite to think about it in the face of a situation that often finds itself up against the wall. 

Finally, it’s about the mother/daughter reconciliation between Nur and Namaari, and the justice that Nur deserves while respecting her needs as victims. I think as said before write differents passages (there will be TW), on tumblr it will not be in order, but once finished, I will publish it in chronological order on ao3.

[shihalyfie]

The different aspects of Miyako’s personality and character arc

Miyako is a character where there’s just a lot going on with her in general, and asking different people to summarize Miyako in one phrase could feasibly get you some very different answers -- “the computer nerd girl”, or “the one who keeps talking about boys”, or “the one who panics all of the time”, or whatnot. Given that there’s so much to unpack at once even from her base profile, ironing out the full extent of her character arc can get a bit tricky, and there’s a lot going on with it. So, given that: Who is Miyako, anyway?

Miyako’s background and personality

Miyako is a character that I think is best understood by understanding what kind of person she is, and the personality and mentality she goes into the story of 02 with.

An interesting background story behind Miyako’s creation is that she’s based off a real person -- more accurately, a certain assistant producer on the series (whose identity has remained undisclosed, presumably for privacy reasons) was used as a reference for her behavior and actions. Although Adventure and 02 have a philosophy of portraying realistic human behavior in general, this level of specificity is a unique designation to have, and series director Kakudou Hiroyuki has referred to this a few times over the years -- it seems she’s the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have such a concrete single-person reference, and it’s also the reason her blood type of AB and star sign Gemini were given in 02 episode 25 (the other kids don’t have mentioned birthdays or blood types to prevent personality restrictions via horoscoping, but a real person having Miyako’s personality, star sign, and blood type wouldn’t make that as much of an issue). Even Volcano Ota himself confirmed Miyako’s resemblance to her upon hearing it after the fact! Indeed, a lot of 02 fans (especially adults) have admitted that Miyako’s probably one of the most relatable people in the cast, namely because her gushing about things she likes and panicking at things that overwhelm her is...well, a bit too uncomfortably on-point at times.

(And especially since so much about Miyako’s character has to do with how happy she makes everyone around her, it’s not too hard to imagine that the staff was so fond of her real-life inspiration that they wanted to pay tribute to her in such a way...)

Still, Miyako is a fictional character, one with her own backstory and interactions in 02′s story, and said backstory is such: she comes from a family that runs a convenience store in Odaiba, and is the youngest of a family of four siblings. Running a convenience store on a small island means that Miyako has probably seen a lot of the island’s residents, and her family also has various levels of connections to the other kids’ families (her older sisters Momoe and Chizuru are friends of Daisuke’s sister Jun, and Chizuru is Yamato’s classmate). Moreover, she’s befriended her nine-year-old neighbor (one who otherwise has trouble socializing with his peers) to the point of regularly going over to do computer repairs for his family. She’s also worked in the computer club under Koushirou, and even before the series has started, she looks up to him and adores him in a way not entirely unlike how Daisuke looks up to Taichi -- and although it’s unclear whether or not she started after the beginning of 02, 02 episode 29 reveals that she helps Yamato with his band.

The pattern here is that Miyako is extremely sociable, and one who actively pokes her nose into nearly everything so she can help out. This makes her a very different sort of Mom Friend from Sora -- both of them are Crest of Love holders for good reason, but in Sora’s case, she was compulsively going out of her way to help other people to the point of exhaustion, and her character arc was about trying to find a way to detach herself from obligations and do something for herself. Miyako is the complete opposite -- she’s the kind of extrovert who actively enjoys poking her head into other people’s business, picking up a bunch of peripheral hobbies so she can do something useful for everyone and go I’M HELPING!! If you actually look closely at those hobbies of “computer programming and hacking”, “hardware tinkering”, and “sound engineering”, other than vaguely being related to computers, they are completely different skillsets, and every single one of them is one Miyako’s depicted employing in order to help someone else out. (Koushirou is never really depicted as having super amazingly high technical skill and most of his unique talent comes from being a thorough analyst, but in contrast, while Miyako is established as being good at even hacking in Diablomon Strikes Back, she doesn’t really seem to have a huge propensity for deep analytical thought.) It’s hard to tell if she has any personal preference for any of them as much as she basically turned herself into a jack-of-all-trades so she could do whatever job was necessary for someone else.

If we’re to believe the official 02 site, Miyako’s been a bit pampered by her family -- as the youngest of four siblings, she’s the “baby of the family”, who hasn’t had to live with a ton of responsibility for others. This means that, much like Mimi, she seems to have been raised surrounded by a ton of affection, which is why she herself is such an openly affectionate person who’s open-minded towards trying all sorts of things, and why she’s used to wanting to help others by actively throwing herself into situations -- but it also means that, being the youngest of a family who is now in the situation of being the oldest in a new group, she ends up in Jou’s situation of suddenly being faced with the pressure of the concept of proper responsibility for others.

As far as Miyako’s general personality goes, she is constantly overflowing with affection and cheer and a desire to dote on everyone -- but the flip side is that she’s also aggressive. She has zero sense of restraint. (If you ever get around to listening to the Japanese version of 02, Natsuki Rio’s performance is energetic and over-the-top in almost every way imaginable to the point that you get the impression of Miyako as someone who doesn’t easily run out of batteries -- at least, until things start getting really serious.) When she loves something, she’ll gush about it as if there were hearts floating around her (and, depending on the level of closeness, even jump in and physically hug them), and she has no qualms against physically manhandling if she feels she needs to, and if she dislikes something, she will make it very clear (including yelling very loudly about it). You could argue that she’s actually closer to the archetype of the brash shounen protagonist than Daisuke himself is!

In fact, Miyako and Daisuke have very similar temperaments -- pure-hearted, but also rough around the edges -- but can be distinguished by the fact that while Daisuke is actually deferential and somewhat lacking in assertion, Miyako is actually aggressive, and while Daisuke’s “honesty about his feelings” is mainly because he’s too simple-minded to be any good at hiding anything, Miyako’s honesty is because she has no brain-to-mouth filter, and everything she’s thinking comes out of her mouth before she can control it -- in other words, Miyako has a huge case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. She doesn’t want to be insensitive, but it keeps coming out of her mouth before she can control it -- and even worse, her emotions are prone to taking control of her, and she is very prone to getting overwhelmed and collapsing into a massive panic.

If you think about the two archetypes of “girl who takes care of everyone” and “aggressive action girl”, Miyako has a tendency towards both at once, and moreover there’s an extra nail in it -- most “action girls” in the latter category would be portrayed as badass, put-together characters with a cool personality, but Miyako is a mess. She’s prone to panicking, all over the place, and her tendency to get in-your-face is not exactly in the most dignified manner. And as a result, a huge part of her character arc (as we will be going more into detail about below) is that she’s aware of this and doesn’t like this about herself -- because she doesn’t want to be insensitive or rude, and in fact she wants to be someone who can better help and take care of others, but, in her mind, her own personality keeps getting in the way.

Miyako in 02

After fully becoming a Chosen Child in 02 episode 2, it only takes one more episode for Miyako to bring food for everyone, as if to say “Right! I’m going to be working with everyone now! All of you are now my new best friends!” (”Bringing food for people” is one of Miyako’s many ways of showing love, given that she returns from Kyoto in 02 episode 34 and immediately hands off souvenir yatsuhashi to Koushirou.) And with that, Miyako settles into the archetype of the group’s “mood maker” -- someone whose role is to keep everyone in emotionally high spirits by influencing everyone with cheer and energy. 02 episode 5 features the debut of her famous “Digital Gate, open! Chosen Children, let’s roll!” catchphrase -- this and her other famous “Bingo!” catchphrase establish her as the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have a catchphrase (at least, in the Japanese version). Because catchphrases are fun.

As much as everyone (especially Daisuke) is a bit blindsided by her behavior at first, they eventually come to embrace the positive effect she has on all of them -- Daisuke very genuinely asks her for “the usual cheer” in 02 episode 10, and, all the way in 02 episode 22, this is such an agreed-on and established role that they’ll still wait on her to do the honors even when they’re in a hurry. So in other words, it didn’t take long for Miyako to go out of her way to shower everyone with cheer, and it didn’t take long for everyone to answer to that cheer and appreciate her for it.

The flip side of this, however, is that Miyako doesn’t start off being very emotionally equipped to handle this -- right off the bat in 02 episode 2, she says that she’s not inclined for fighting, and in 02 episode 4, she refers to it as being “like an adventure game”. That is to say, she’s not at the point where she’s able to handle the full gravity of what she’s just involved herself with (Daisuke reminds her that she’d panicked earlier, but she just blows it off). She’s handling it so cheerfully now because the series is still in its early stages, when she can enter and exit the Digital World at will, and she’s capable of treating it like this.

So when the stakes do get higher, she’s the first one to take the stress hard. As mentioned before, she’s the youngest in her family, now recast as the oldest in this group -- but unlike Jou, who consciously knew this fact and took stress onto himself because of the responsibility this entailed, Miyako seems to repeatedly forget that she’s the oldest in this group, and the events of 02 episodes 9-10 (when Agumon is kidnapped) cause her to break down from stress and have to take a time-out. (Which everyone allows her to do, because this is not a series where people are pressured to fight if they’re not emotionally ready for it.) Miyako comes to terms with the fact that the stakes are going to keep escalating, and she can’t just gloss over everything with cheer -- and she does manage to pull herself enough to bring Yamato into the fray at the end of the episode, but this continues to be a recurring theme for the rest of her character arc.

While we’re discussing these early parts of the series, one thing I want to briefly address is the part where Miyako infamously calls a lot of people hot. (Although, not as many as the fanbase would love to make you think; it’s only four people in total.) This tends to get her pinned as some kind of flirt whose head is only filled with being hot for people, but while she’s certainly a bit on the shallow end at this point of the series -- dealing with that being what this character arc is about, after all -- this trait of hers tends to get exaggerated by a lot of people in the audience as if she’s completely lacking in common sense. Miyako’s ridiculous (and we love her for it), but she does have some degree of grip on herself! Context is important here -- she might show a crush on someone, but at no point in the series itself does Miyako show any indication of seriously thinking of full-on dating.

For Miyako, who’s accustomed to just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind, commenting on someone being hot is like commenting on the weather -- she means it as a compliment, but there’s no evidence she thinks she has a chance with any of them, let alone wanting to try dating. This is especially when you take into account her self-esteem issues that we learn about later in the series, and also...well, the fact she’s only twelve. (Remember: even Daisuke’s thing for Hikari comes out as a lot of unfocused affection, and it’s unlikely he’s seriously considered the concept of following that up with a serious relationship -- any serious prospects of romance or dating are not going to be on the table for these kids for a while.) Miyako has also been accused by some of being abysmally shallow for still complimenting Ken’s looks in 02 episode 9 (after it’s already apparent he’s the Kaiser), but although she certainly is a bit shallow at this point of the series, she’s not that lacking in common sense; Iori got in on it too in this scene, and both of them were doing it to tease Daisuke more than they seriously wanted to compliment the Kaiser all that much. So in essence, it’s just “Miyako has eyes” -- she still completely agrees he’s their enemy and she’s not going to judge him any better for his looks, but she also doesn’t see this as a reason to lie about the fact she thinks he’s visually good-looking, especially if it’s to tease Daisuke about it.

In any case, 02 episode 14 digs a lot more into Miyako’s stance on herself regarding others -- in 02 episode 6, Miyako met Mimi for the first time, and latched onto her for their similar dispositions and her looking up to Mimi for being beautiful, amazing, and cool (and she should, because she’s right). 02 episode 14 adds another layer to this, however, when Miyako spends the duration negatively comparing herself to Mimi. At first it starts off as simply just shallow jealousy for Michael giving Mimi more attention, but as the situation with Digitamamon escalates, Miyako spends a prolonged period of time trying to figure out Mimi’s behavior of pure-heartedly choosing to trust Digitamamon despite everything, against Miyako’s insistence that Digitamamon’s behavior proves that he was untrustworthy the whole time.

Mimi and Miyako’s stances are both on extremes here -- Mimi’s pacifistic tendencies are causing her to let her get beaten up by Digitamamon despite the fact that “appealing to people’s hearts” has never really been demonstrated as a good way to get Evil Rings off (to be fair, this is probably the first time they’ve made an attempt at this with a Digimon that can still talk coherently with it on), but Miyako’s acting as if this retroactively proves him to be untrustworthy even though she knows that the Evil Rings are tantamount to brainwashing. Nevertheless, Miyako acknowledges that her own stance was borne out of her being shallow and judgmental, especially since the discussion between Mimi and Digitamamon brings out a question about the meaning of the “true self”.

Miyako, at this point, is confronting everything that’s bad about herself -- that she’s shallow and not as much of a “good person” as Mimi is. But the Crest of Purity -- once meaning “lack of malice” back when it applied to Mimi in Adventure -- now has a secondary meaning of “not lying to oneself” (the dub translation of “Sincerity” is not actually that off in this sense), and it also means that Miyako is not going to get anywhere pretending or forcing herself to be someone she’s not. The secondary Digimental arc has a recurring theme of understanding that there are still things you need to learn and improve on in order to do better, and this is Miyako’s version of it -- she will have to acknowledge all of the bad parts of herself before she can get anywhere and become a kind person like Mimi is -- and, indeed, becoming less shallow and judgmental and not jumping to conclusions, and learning to reach out to more substantial cores of the problem, ends up becoming a major part of her character arc in the latter half of the series.

This episode also implies one more thing, even if she doesn’t realize it yet at this moment: the path to her becoming a less shallow and more considerate person is not going to involve trying to force herself to be like Mimi, but rather in a way that’s closer to her “true self”.

Miyako’s first major turning point is in 02 episode 18, an episode that’s said to have such a profound impact on her that even Natsuki Rio testified to having to alter her Miyako performance thereafter.

Back in 02 episode 10, Miyako first started to realize that this whole experience of fighting as a Chosen Child was a lot more stressful than it seemed at first, and reacted badly to it. Here, the ante gets upped even more -- the kids decide to make use of their summer break and organize a Digital World stakeout, and, eventually, Hikari accidentally becomes indirectly responsible for tipping Miyako over the deep end by making an implication that they need more “determination” to the point of refusing to leave until they’ve beaten the Kaiser. (Remember that Hikari can be terrifyingly assertive as long as it’s not something to do with herself.) For Miyako, who’s never had the same experience of being in the Digital World for a prolonged period of time the same way the Adventure group has, this is terrifying, and she tries to “get herself together” over the night -- only to completely overshoot it and go into the complete other extreme. As much as this ends up being one of Miyako’s peak hilarity moments, it’s most certainly representative of her being under a huge amount of pressure and stress, and it’s effectively her “peak worst” moment -- which results in Hawkmon ending up having to cover for her, and getting injured in the process, and Miyako immediately realizing how badly she’d messed up.

Miyako is thus forced to face a major consequence of her behavior: if she doesn’t manage to figure out a way to get herself under control, other people will be hurt, and as someone who wants to do her best for other people, that’s one of the worst possible outcomes for her. 

In addition, it’s also important to point out Hikari’s role in this. The Jogress arcs have yet to set in, but the series still gives you a little preview of what’s to come eventually, such as the insight we get about Daisuke and Ken’s initial attitudes towards each other in 02 episode 8, and Iori later personally witnessing (and being very disturbed by) Takeru losing his composure in 02 episode 19. In this case, we see a bit of what Miyako and Hikari’s opposing personalities can offer for each other (especially since the later 02 episode 31 more heavily involves Miyako returning the favor in the other direction) -- Hikari correctly identifies exactly what it was that set Miyako off, takes responsibility for it, and even decides to make sure Miyako and Hawkmon get proper alone time so that they can figure things out. In general, everyone in the 02 team is understanding of Miyako’s antics and doesn’t hold any of it against her because she’s doing her best, but right now, Hikari may be the only person in this group who can actually proactively do something about it, because Daisuke’s not assertive enough to step in, Takeru has a tendency to dodge things whenever they get awkward, and Iori’s holding himself back too much for the sake of manners (especially in the presence of Miyako, who’s the oldest one in this group). But while Hikari does have an emotional repression problem, she’s perfectly capable of holding herself together and putting her foot down when it comes to other people, and because of this, she’s the one who’s able to understand what exactly is going on with Miyako, and how to adjust the situation around her to make things easier for her.

Miyako and Hawkmon have a proper heart-to-heart, and we see more of Miyako’s self-hating tendencies going on here -- she refers exactly to her problems with impulse control, and even labels herself a “bad partner” as a result. But Hawkmon reassures her that she’s fine the way she is, and it ties into how a larger theme of her character arc will involve her learning to find better ways to channel the qualities she already has, rather than trying to force herself to be someone she’s not.

Once the Kaiser is defeated, the second half of the series is where we start to see Miyako’s growth start to really kick in. In 02 episode 24, there’s a short blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene where Miyako suddenly takes Daisuke and puts him in charge of taking care of the Punimon. Why is this important? Because two episodes prior, Daisuke had been running around in circles like an idiot due to having been third wheeled by Takeru and Hikari, and the moment Daisuke started exhibiting similar signs this time, Miyako personally stepped in and gave him a job to do -- and her actions of keeping an eye on them and her conversation with Takeru and Hikari indicate that she did it exactly because she figured that he would like it. Or, in other words, Miyako correctly identified Daisuke’s need for validation and purpose, and became the first person to proactively do something to address it -- Hikari and Takeru had generally been dodging it awkwardly for the duration of the series, which had only really been making it worse, and, in the absence of another crisis to take care of or someone like Ken to fill the void in Daisuke’s life, Miyako was able to properly figure out exactly what he needed at the moment as a stopgap, and thus is starting to settle into her proper role of understanding what others need in terms of emotional support and actively working to address it.

Since the second half of 02 is dedicated to Ken slowly establishing his place in the group, 02 episode 25 is dedicated to Miyako tussling with her conflicted feelings on the situation -- she’s just as open-minded and pure-hearted as Daisuke is, but the one thing that’s bothering her is that she’s a little more doubtful than he is in regards to whether Ken’s heart is really in the right place with all of this. She says, outright, that she believes he’s learned his lesson -- in a way far more firm than Takeru, Hikari, and Iori are about it -- but that one thing about him having potentially killed Thunderballmon in cold blood doesn’t fit the optimistic image she’d like to have of him.

Daisuke is more practical-minded than she is and is more willing to accept that there might have been a good reason -- especially since he himself starts to consider in this very episode that killing an enemy may be necessary if it’s the only way to prevent more victims -- but Miyako is more emotionally oriented and just can’t accept the idea of doing this at all. Both the internal debate over accepting Ken and the internal debate over having to potentially do a kill tear her apart over the course of this episode, and Miyako finds herself constantly waffling back and forth between the two positions. It’s not just her expressing minor doubt; she actually agonizes over this for the duration of the night and the next day, to the point she even considers asking him about it (and eventually can’t bring herself to).

It’s also made a prominent point that Miyako’s prior attraction to Ken in 02 episode 8 was not the reason she wanted to be optimistic about him -- remember, back in 02 episode 14, she completely admitted that she judges people by appearances, but at this point she’s well past that! Miyako takes this entire issue of whether Ken should be considered a friend very seriously, and that’s why it torments her so much over the course of the episode.

Eventually, all is resolved (at least, for the time being) when it turns out that Ken has been dealing with non-sentient Dark Tower Digimon, and Miyako takes this as sufficient evidence that Ken has changed -- the morality debate about killing comes back in full force in 02 episode 43, and Ken himself ends up just as shaken about it, so the important part is that she understands that he’s trustworthy and wants to put faith in him. Attention is also given to Miyako deciding she’ll now call him by given name (”Ken-kun”) from now on -- even Daisuke himself won’t start calling him “Ken” regularly until 02 episode 39, but Miyako starts slowly inserting given-name basis for Ken into her vocabulary from this point on until she finally commits to it fully in 02 episode 30. This is a proactive and conscious act on Miyako’s part that she actively wants to get to know him better and consider him a close friend, and it’s because of this that she ends up one of the only people who never gets habituated into surname basis with him by the time everyone’s come to properly befriend him.

So, at this point: Within only one episode (and, in-universe, one day), Daisuke and Miyako landed on the same page with their ideological stance towards Ken. They’re both open-minded and forward-thinking, and have an interest in becoming his friend (the next person to show active and open goodwill towards him, Hikari, won’t do so for another 9 episodes). However, despite their surface temperaments being somewhat similar, they have some differences in their priorities and way of approaching things, and it means that each of them ends up reaching out to Ken in ways that the other isn’t as good at. Daisuke, being the very practical and simple-minded sort who doesn’t overthink things or get caught in arbitrary philosophy, is the one who most proactively reaches out to Ken and most famously connects with him the most due to Ken very badly needing guidance in how to move on forward and stop getting fixated on his past. Miyako, on the other hand, being very much the type to consciously think about things (to the point of sometimes thinking about too many things at once) and focus on “how do I most show my support for someone right now?”, puts her priorities on checking on Ken’s current emotional state and actively attempting to glean his feelings and position. 02 being a series about relationships and what people can provide for each other, this ends up reflecting on their roles in the group as a whole -- Daisuke becomes the person who can pull everyone forward in determining the best thing to do, whereas Miyako fills in the parts his rough-around-the-edges demeanor doesn’t quite cover in terms of supporting everyone emotionally and keeping them together.

And thus, Miyako resolves to “wait” until the day Ken will join them -- that is to say, she takes the stance that Ken deserves proper space and to come on his own terms. It’s an interesting inversion of the usual roles you’d expect from Daisuke and Miyako at this point -- and, again, since 02 is about relationships, “each character’s approach towards the new kid and how it impacts them” reflects a lot about their own characters. For Daisuke and Miyako, who were open-minded towards Ken early in the game, you can already see the impact on them -- the necessity of reaching out to Ken causes the normally deferential Daisuke to become more proactive and put his foot down, whereas the normally uncontrollably in-your-face Miyako comes to understand when something needs to be handled delicately and starts getting a better grasp on the concept of restraint.

Which means that Miyako’s actions regarding Ken in the following episodes are significantly more passive than Daisuke’s are, but it’s clear that she’s still supportive. Moreover, it’s also important to establish that she and Daisuke aren’t fighting about this or anything -- Miyako does want Ken to come around eventually, so she doesn’t stop the more proactive Daisuke from reaching out to Ken in an important way, but she instead exerts her position in ways such as joining in with the others reminding him that Ken might have gotten a bit emotionally overwhelmed by the Jogress (and thus that it’s understandable that he might need some time to parse this before pushing the issue further). The way Miyako words this statement so casually can easily be a distraction from the fact that she is completely correct -- as we see later, Ken did emotionally freak out the moment the incident was resolved and had to go home to think about this. Scatterbrained as Miyako may seem, as the series proceeds, it turns out that she has a natural propensity for empathy that means she’s capable of making perfectly correct readings of the situation, even without her thinking that hard about it.

Not that she’s correct all of the time, though. 02 episode 30 has her attempt to get Ken and Iori to hopefully be a little less tense around each other end in complete disaster (although to be fair to her, it’s not like she and Daisuke were particularly forceful about it, it’s just that their plan was so poorly set up that it was too easy to read the motive behind, and it’s ultimately thrown off because -- as Daisuke correctly points out -- the two are being really childish about it.) But in response, Miyako takes direct action and responsibility to fix the situation when Ken continues to refuse to help despite how badly the situation is escalating, and when she finally reaches him, she gets frustrated at the fact he’s being so stubborn, smacks him, and personally drags him back over. Miyako cared a lot about this, she had wanted Ken and Iori to get along for no reason of personal benefit to herself but more because she cared that much about the group’s dynamic and friendship, and she’d held herself back so much because she was worried about him, but here he’s taking all of that and still giving them all the cold shoulder when everyone is in grave danger, and all of that frustration causes her to break down at once.

And note Ken’s reaction -- he’d been holding off on the grounds that he was being a burden on everyone’s friendship, but he sees Miyako distraught and upset and calling him an idiot (i.e. his whole pretense of not hurting others has clearly not worked here), and his “idiot...?” comes out flustered and off-guard, and he shows no resentment towards her thereafter and comes quietly with no protest, even holding a hand to the place she’d smacked him as if mulling in agreement that he deserved that. So, again: Even when Miyako is coming to all of these conclusions in a haphazard manner, it doesn’t change the fact that her readings of these situations are often completely correct.

02 episode 31 is another landmark episode in which we get a lot of insight into Miyako’s current feelings regarding herself in comparison to others, and what she’s trying to achieve at this point in the series. Daisuke makes an offhand remark at the beginning of the episode about Hikari being more “kind” than Miyako (”kind” having a double meaning of “gentle” in Japanese, so Daisuke’s mainly referring to Miyako being such a rough and belligerent person). The way Miyako takes this statement indicates that Daisuke had accidentally just hit a very deep-seated complex within her -- Miyako had never liked the fact she was aggressive and belligerent and in-your-face (remember, back in 02 episode 14, she was constantly negatively comparing herself to Mimi for not being as good of a person as her, and now this has extended to Hikari, who “keeps so much inside”.). As the crisis in the episode escalates, Miyako continues to fall victim to her foot-in-mouth syndrome, saying things and instantly regretting it, because she sees herself as making the situation worse -- and especially when it comes to a situation also involving Ken, whom she’s actively trying to reach out to right now. Her frustration at the fact she can’t see what Ken and Hikari see is because, unable to understand what they’re talking about or what their feelings are, she’s basically a sitting duck who can’t do anything while things are getting worse for them.

Which ultimately results in Miyako completely losing her marbles and Hikari having to smack her out of it -- again, recall that in 02 episode 18, it was shown that Hikari is one of the few people who has enough assertiveness to be able to rein in Miyako’s behavior, and even outright admits that Miyako is a bit of a handful. Miyako, as it seems, had been carrying a complex that Hikari had been thinking of her badly for all of this -- but Hikari then proceeds to reveal the flip side of all of this: she’s also conversely jealous of Miyako for being able to express herself so clearly and easily, because she herself is the type who compulsively represses her own feelings about herself, which is why nobody had been able to properly reach out to her for the duration of Adventure and 02.

For someone who had spent so much time considering herself a “bad person” and a “worse person” in comparison to people like Mimi and Hikari, that someone considers her qualities outright enviable is a huge deal -- it’s not that Miyako’s an objectively worse person than all of the other people who aren’t as rough or in-your-face, but rather, that those qualities can bring out positive things in their own way. And, immediately after that, we see one of those things -- she makes Hikari laugh, thanks to her antics. Of course, it involves Miyako being a bit all over the place and making a lot of mistakes, but even she admits “I guess it is funny.”

And there’s another thing to this, too: Miyako continues to end up with foot-in-mouth as she casually refers to things like the Evil Ring and Ken being the Kaiser with zero fanfare, before realizing seconds after that she probably shouldn’t be doing that in front of him, but, once again, even without her realizing, her evaluation is not incorrect -- although the fact he’s extremely out of it doesn’t make that clear quite yet in this episode, Ken is not the kind of person who’s touchy about acknowledging that he was the Kaiser, and, by his own statement in 02 episode 23, his stance is that he wants to “accept everything about it”, take responsibility, and move on. So here we are with Miyako, who just casually tossed that statement out like it was no big deal, has accepted his past with no lingering grudge against him, and even made a casual evaluation about him presumably having the same resilience he had as the Kaiser, which, again, is completely accurate. All of this is exactly the kind of attitude that Ken needs to be surrounded by right now, and Miyako had just touched on this without even thinking that hard about it, and also is still making it clear she doesn’t want him to feel bad about it...

And so, the episode’s climax has Miyako finally attaining the solution to the question of reaching out to Hikari, the one that nobody had been able to successfully accomplish throughout Hikari’s childhood of never expressing herself properly and the majority of Adventure and 02: to get Hikari to stop being so passive and accepting her inevitable fate because she doesn’t want to burden others, someone as aggressive as her will need to reach her and yank her out, and hit all of the exact points about understanding that someone will be there for her and that she should not accept this defeatist mentality. Hikari is unusually, unhealthily passive, and Miyako, being outwardly aggressive and someone who never hesitates to be blunt about things, is the best person to yank her out of this; it was never a sign of her being a “bad person”, just something she needed to channel in the right direction.

At the end of the episode, we’re also reminded once again that this is a series about relationships, so this kind of growth is important to everyone’s relationships with others as well -- thanks to Miyako’s efforts, Hikari is finally able to speak honestly with Takeru in contrast to her way of leaving off in silence with him at the end of 02 episode 13, and Miyako herself is happy that she’s finally gotten to have a better understanding of both Hikari, whom she herself had been unsure about the position of earlier, and Ken, whom she’d been worried she hadn’t been reaching out to in the right way.

While Ken was out of it during said episode and unable to coherently respond, we do get confirmation that he himself has hopped on the train of respecting Miyako’s intent well enough that he doesn’t hold anything over her -- during 02 episode 33, a mere three episodes after she’d personally slapped him in the face and two episodes after he’d practically seen her at her emotional worst, he still takes it upon himself to personally deliver Poromon to Kyoto and trust her to handle the rest. This isn’t that particularly interesting by itself, but moreso in terms of the context this is in -- this is a point where Ken’s still at awkward arm’s length with a lot of the team (including even Daisuke, in some ways), and he’s seen Miyako do all of the above messy things only not too long ago, but he still is comfortable enough around her and trusting enough in her abilities that he’s okay with casually approaching her and saying “you got this.” So it’s working, all things considered!

We also learn that Miyako had trusted Koushirou with Poromon during her trip to Kyoto, which says a lot about the fact she trusts her senior that much -- and, on a meta level, seems there specifically to facilitate the existence of the above scene (it would have been very easy to save time by just having Poromon accompany Miyako from the get-go and ending Ken’s involvement in the episode at his conversation with Koushirou...).

The following episodes also meanwhile establish that Miyako’s relationship with Hikari has been improving a lot -- with Miyako now actually understanding what Hikari needs, she’s much more proactive in reaching out to Hikari, and it’s even said directly by Iori in 02 episode 36 that their relationship seems to have gotten much better now. And, once again, Miyako’s antics are depicted as making people laugh -- note her and Hawkmon’s over-the-top advertisement performance doing so for everyone in the vicinity.

Which is also reinforced, again, in 02 episode 38, when this even spreads to Ken himself, in a moment that’s said to be particularly unusual and portrayed as one of the first times Ken has been able to be truly carefree in a long time. Again, the point here is: Miyako’s “all-over-the-place” nature brings joy to other people, and that “she makes people laugh” is continually reinforced as a symbol of this over the course of the second half of the series.

Beyond that, the visit to Ken’s house kicks off with Miyako noticing the picture of Osamu and asking about it, to the point she’s shown leaning over and staring at it for quite a while -- Koushirou had allegedly informed her about it earlier, and a whole point is made that she’s the one very prominently wanting to understand more about Ken and his background.

Also, Miyako reminds us all that she still does think Ken is attractive, but it’s a huge contrast to her behavior from back in 02 episode 8, when she knew nothing about him except that he was some celebrity genius boy -- she got completely worked up about it, moped about it for a whole day, and even dragged the fixation into the next day when she started aggressively confronting Daisuke about it, but we’re here 30 episodes later with Miyako actually considering him an important friend that she respects the feelings of, and she simply casually tosses out the statement of him being cute in her usual “like it’s commenting on the weather” manner, with no extra weirdness about it.

We close up some of the threads of Miyako's character arcs when Miyako herself is forced to confront the possibility of fighting an enemy to the kill in 02 episode 44, and Silphymon is eventually forced to kill LadyDevimon to save Miyako's life. Miyako’s emotional reaction is given the most attention here, since she herself had fixated so much on the horror of potentially killing Golemon back in 02 episode 25 -- in fact, everything Miyako does in this episode is about her emotional empathy and empathy for others, in that she rails on LadyDevimon for being a “coward” who hurts other people. Eventually, it’s once again the assertive Hikari who’s able to get her back on her feet by putting it in a way she can understand -- they were not doing it out of a callous and cruel intent to kill, but to save the exact victims that Miyako herself wanted to prevent.

And, even to the very end of the series, Miyako continues to channel her proactivity into emotional awareness first and foremost -- 02 episode 46 has her take the lead in the Dark Seed roundtable, and it’s implied that she’s doing this mainly because she knows this is a very personal issue for Ken to have to witness. In contrast to the way she frantically started spitting out potentially insensitive things in front of Ken in 02 episode 31, here, she outright says that she doesn’t want to make him feel bad about this (and, fortunately, he understands perfectly well that she’s trying). Even all the way to the very end in 02 episode 50, she’s the one who first brings up the question of the issue, because of how emotionally invested she got into this and her high level of awareness as to how deeply this impacted Ken.

In 02 episode 49, BelialVamdemon presents everyone in the team with a potential deep-seated desire that none of them want to admit, and in the case of Miyako’s, it ends up being a rather tame thing in comparison to Iori and Takeru’s more severe family issues, Hikari’s desire for WORLD PEACE!!, and Ken’s complicated feelings about punishment and forgiveness. In Miyako’s dream world, she’s just eating cake, and it says a lot about the fact that were it not for the fact that she overthinks things and often gets easily stressed, she’s fundamentally fairly free of deep-seated issues in a way not entirely dissimilar to Daisuke’s simple and pure-hearted way of life.

The thing that causes Miyako’s issue is often misinterpreted to be about her selfishly wanting everything to herself, or the idea she’s fighting for attention with her siblings, but Hawkmon actually says what the real problem is in direct words: her crowded family is “noisy”. Or in other words -- Miyako, being the overly empathetic type and someone who easily succumbs to stress, is just really overwhelmed and stressed because of everything around her.

An interesting thing about Miyako’s “illusion” is that it’s the only one that in itself starts making its victim feel lonely and sad even before it’s taken away or dispelled -- Takeru and Iori had to have their happy images pulled away from them, Hikari had to have Tailmon clarify that everything is fake, and Ken had to have Wormmon personally chase the image of his brother away. But in the case of Miyako, all Hawkmon has to do is ask if she’s happy right now, and she’s quick to admit that she’s not. It’s just that everything was stressful and overwhelming and there was so much to deal with all of the time, and for once she wanted to be able to enjoy a little peace, but she loves her family and she loves everyone around her and she doesn’t want to be alone, and she’d rather have them back even if it’s stressful. Miyako’s love for others is so strong that even an illusion supposedly made to cater to her won’t make her happy if everyone’s gone.

Miyako also takes the moment to realize that for all Hawkmon’s been going out of his way to be steadfast and loyal to her, she hasn’t been doing enough to understand her own partner in turn, and there’s still a lot more she can do in terms of thinking of others.

Miyako after 02

As per Spring 2003, once Miyako graduates elementary school and moves to middle school, she continues trying to be helpful to her juniors -- she joins the computer club and once again ends up under Koushirou, and now outright makes music for Yamato’s band (some creative differences aside). It’s also interesting to note her attitude towards her other friends when she tries to recruit them into her music unit -- she snarks at everyone right up until she gets to Ken, who declines politely, and in exchange, she just can't bring herself to be mean to him and simply apologizes for asking too much. It’s ambiguous whether this is because she’s still trying to have a heightened level of consideration around him (this is still only four months after 02′s finish, after all), but it seems she’s still concerned about the idea of handling him overly roughly, and is able to exercise a proper level of restraint about him.

Which brings us all the way to Kizuna, a whole eight years later where we have to fill in a lot of blanks about what’s been happening in the meantime, but the official website establishes that she’s now pursuing a degree in computer programming at an engineering university, and is now on study abroad in Spain (implied to be Barcelona, given details in both the movie itself and the drama CD). Pretty ambitious stuff!...or at least that’s the first impression one would get, until it turns out that she’s getting her flighty personality enabled by the local culture. As we learn in the drama CD, she’s absolutely taking the time to milk this entire situation so she can play around -- and, in accordance with how she was established to be an important factor in bringing Hikari out of her shell, it’s rubbing off on Hikari, too.

In addition, Miyako is still working under Koushirou despite their educational careers having completely diverged, this time as his assistant in terms of managing the Chosen Child community. Interestingly, her specific job seems to be consultation, and people come to her for “advice and stuff” -- meaning that it’s very likely that a lot of new Chosen Children who are having a hard time adjusting to life with a partner are coming to her for practical and emotional advice, and she’s still continuing to channel her ability to be emotionally aware and supportive of others.

That is to say, until she gets a mysterious request from a certain Menoa Bellucci. We learn later that Menoa’s motive was to obtain the list of international Chosen Children, meaning that she most definitely was not approaching Miyako for emotional help, and with that, Miyako decides that she doesn’t want to do this and dumps it on her seniors...

...but then picks it back up with zero hesitation the moment her friends present her that exact same job, and not only is it just “zero hesitation”, Ken even comments on how “fast” she arrived to do so! (This was also before Iori came up with the plan to infiltrate Menoa’s office; there wasn’t any indication Miyako’s computer abilities would be particularly necessary at the time.) On top of that, the drama CD gives us full context as to why she was so willing to dump this on her seniors in the first place -- she had wanted to see her friends so badly that she practically invented D-3 gate exploitation so she could hang out with her friends despite technically being in another country, and even wanted to invite them to come visit her, and eventually they’d all made an organized plan to meet up in New York. In other words, her loyalty to her friends is still stronger than anything else -- remember, she’s the kind of person who was picking up tons of jobs specifically so she could help her friends in the first place.

On that note, Ken’s ability to be casual with everyone besides Daisuke has noticeably improved, and that’s especially prominent with Miyako, whom he proactively converses with in a way that wouldn’t have happened back in 02, and, likewise, in contrast to the sense of distance she’d still been maintaining with him back during the final arc of 02 and Spring 2003, she has no qualms about handling him as casually as she would anyone else.

Which eventually leads us to...

This is a recurring theme on this blog, but every so often I have to draw the distinction between creative concepts “in meta” (i.e. the way the audience will read it, in relation to franchise standards and other real-life factors) and said concepts “in-universe” (i.e. with audience factors completely removed, whether there’s a presumable logical reason for these events happening in-universe, and whether this is reasonable behavior to expect out of the characters). This blog is largely dedicated to the latter, but the reason why I have to keep drawing this distinction in the first place is that I get the impression that the staff behind Adventure and 02 really did not pay much mind to the former part as part of their dedication to the latter. And, I mean, part of the reason I respect the writing of Adventure and 02 so much is how uncompromising they were in terms of not really pandering to what a fanbase might expect, which allowed the story to retain a lot of creative integrity that it wouldn’t have otherwise.

But every so often you get something like this that makes me want to just bang my head on the table and scream, I swear, I get what you guys were going for, but I am begging you, please think a little harder about how people are going to read this!! In general, I do think there’s something that’s not very good about disregarding your audience completely, because if you’re trying to say important things and those things are going directly over your audience’s heads (this is a kids’ show, for goodness’s sake), you can’t call that good communication, and it’s not like you can blame the audience for getting blindsided or being upset, and this is before we get into what they just dropped on the global audience that was presumably full of young girls interested in STEM fields who were hoping to see them go all the way with that, or the feelings of those who are bothered that one character has to be singled out to be defined solely by her relationship to others, and I mean -- to be fair, with a character like Miyako and the tons of things going on with her, there was probably no outcome they could come up with that wouldn’t be reinforcing some negative stereotype (believe it or not, there are people who have conversely mentioned identifying deeply with Miyako’s personal story and the meaning of this ending to them, and have also expressed discomfort about some of the comments the fanbase has made over the years), but at the same time, holy hell, they really went for the one that immediately looks the worst on its face...

...That aside, I will reiterate that this is a blog and analysis meant for that latter category of “analyzing things in-universe”, and making good-faith assumptions that there was a reason for everything (and, I’ll be quite honest, reading everything the staff has said about the characters, including Miyako, there is no indication that they didn’t treat every single one of them with love and zero intention to curse any of them into a horrible fate). We can debate whether this was a good or bad choice in the context of real life, or how much they really should have thought this through more or considered alternative ways to do this, in another place and time (it’s been done by many other people, myself included, in the last 20 years, and it will most certainly continue after this, and probably should continue). It’s not like I’m necessarily giving my blessing to every single creative decision in Adventure or 02 in running this blog, it’s more of the attitude of “now that this decision was in the series, can we figure out what that was intended to mean?”, and that’s going to apply to this one too. And so, we’ll proceed with the analysis.

In any case, here’s the first thing to start with, which may surprise some people to learn: at no point in the epilogue is the word “housewife” ever used to refer to Miyako. The only words that Takeru uses to describe her are: that she is married to Ken and is a mother of three. Not only that, post-02 materials that have referred to the epilogue and Miyako’s part in it have also avoided using that word -- the Character Complete File and the Animation Chronicle only reiterate the same points of “married to Ken” and “mother of three children”, and practically go out of their way to avoid insinuating that being a stay-at-home housewife is the main focus of her life right now. It would have been so easy to say it outright if they’d wanted to, but they didn’t, and they consistently don’t, to the point the omission is almost suspicious. And, indeed, if you want to believe the Character Complete File, Miyako is not a full-time housewife and is simply not working at the time of the epilogue due to maternity leave because the third child had recently been born. So it’s completely within the realm of possibility that she’s still working! In that case, why is something that could easily be a big deal left ambiguous like this?

If you look at the way the epilogue presents its information, there’s a certain pattern: what information is emphasized and what information is given little attention or omitted has very little to do with “how curious the audience would be about it”, but rather “how relevant it is”; just because a certain piece of information is omitted doesn’t mean it necessarily isn’t true. For example, Sora; she’s married to Yamato, but despite how much the audience would probably consider that as vital information, it’s left for you to infer from the visuals and an oblique comment that Sora’s daughter is a “dependable older sister”, and even the question of whether Sora did succeed her mother in flower arrangement is left up in the air despite that also probably being a question the audience is curious about (and in fact, a few flower branches are clearly visible in the front, implying very heavily that, whatever happened, she’s at least still maintaining her roots with her family instead of violently cutting it all off). But we do learn about the fact that she went into fashion design, which is something that’s not an expectation that was placed by her family but rather something she presumably decided on herself. Hence, presumably why that’s the part emphasized, and moreso than her marriage to Yamato -- said marriage is of course an important part of her life, but it’s not as prominent as the fact that she has her own independent career, especially since her entire character arc was about doing things that she wanted for herself instead of doing things for others. That is to say, compared to their own individual ambitions, Sora and Yamato’s love life is “an important part, but not the important part.” This is especially when you add the context that Takeru is delivering abridged single-sentence “catch-up” descriptions of his friends on their behalf (possibly to the world, if this is part of his novel), and so, it begs the question: what would each of these characters want to be most remembered for accomplishing?

(And if you think I’m being tinfoil hat about this, remember that a constant theme with this blog I’m running is that “being annoyingly subtle and relying on ridiculously oblique messaging” like this permeates the entirety of 02 in general, and it’s definitely not the only time they’ve used this kind of technique to communicate details that are too consistent and on-the-nose to be passed off as coincidence. As far as assuming that this series follows rational storytelling logic goes, we are far past that point, and in ways that extend far beyond this epilogue.)

So we look back at Miyako, and the hobbies she’d indulged in and what purpose they were for, and her personality, and the fact that the main point of her character arc was about her complex that she would never be a good enough person who could properly emotionally reach out and take care of others -- in some ways, her arc was the opposite of Sora’s, in that while Sora’s was about not being as beholden to others, Miyako’s was about how to become someone who can better support others -- and once we apply the above question, there lies the answer to why the priority and emphasis given to her future in the epilogue is “Miyako is the kind of person who prioritizes taking care of and supporting her loved ones more than anything else.”

This is especially because (in an epilogue with not very many lines, so every bit of information becomes vital) the lines we see Miyako and her family exchange are representative of a lot of what that character arc was about. According to her son, Miyako is still her panicky and emotionally messy self, even when in the role of the matriarch of a large family who’s responsible for taking care of all of them. She did not ever become the ideal “gentle” and “mature” kind of person that she considered Mimi and Hikari to be and negatively compared herself to. However, her family responds by cheerfully laughing, which is -- most likely not coincidentally -- the same thing that was shown to be the positive flip side of Miyako’s over-the-top personality back in 02 episodes 31, 36, and 38, in that it brings joy and cheer to others.

If you do want to take the Character Complete File’s statement at face value, the fact that she’s on self-imposed maternity leave means that it’s very likely she wasn’t on a salaried job and was instead freelancing, or at least was involved with something that didn’t require constant commitment. Considering the fact she’s consistently portrayed as an impatient sort who gets bored easily, she probably would prefer something more flexible like freelancing or at least not being tied to a single thing; even looking back at her completely disparate hobbies back when she was a kid, when she was basically jack-of-all-trades-ing to fit whatever people needed her for, she never really came off as someone who could commit very easily to a single form of work, but what she did have commitment to was other people, especially her friends and family. If you (or, perhaps, Takeru) were to ask her during the time of the epilogue “what are you up to right now?”, it’s not really that hard to believe that gushing about her lovely family would come before everything else; not to say that everyone else here (especially her own husband) isn’t presumably devoted to their own families, but Miyako’s the type to have that much higher sense of pride in what she does for those she cares about than she would have particular attachment to any kind of work. Look at her behavior during Kizuna; she’s pursuing a degree in computer programming and thus is still aiming to be a busybody with a high level of skill, but when given a job by a stranger, she immediately dumps it off on her seniors so she can be with her friends, then happily accepts that same job again when the same friends present it back to her.

So, in other words, the conclusion is: the biggest priority and most important thing to Miyako in regards to her future is that she finally became someone who could properly support others around her, even in spite of her personality that would suggest otherwise.

In addition, the fact that she has three children might initially come off as a little in-your-face or overkill, but remember that Miyako came from a family with four siblings, and 02 episode 49 had her say outright that she does treasure that – or, in other words, being part of a big family surrounded by affection and love is something she considers to be a valuable part of her life (especially since the age gaps between the three children imply a reasonable likelihood of actual family planning, moreso than even Miyako’s own).

Incidentally, this is just a bit of a personal note, but one might notice that I’ve also never actually used the word “housewife” to refer to the epilogue’s depiction of Miyako in the course of writing for this blog, because of how little evidence we have that she is one – being on temporary maternity leave still being a very viable and, given the post-02 materials we now have, arguably heavily likely interpretation, it’s not like you’d necessarily call someone a housewife if their break from work is only temporary, even if they’re a freelancer. Given the above circumstances, perhaps something like “family matriarch” would be more accurate…

[rason-rodd]

Do You Know Your Alphabet?

NSFW Edition feat Jason Todd

(I tried not to give a sexual orientation to Jason in this NSFW Alphabet and make his partner as gender neutral as possible to please all sorts of readers. Apologies if some part doesn’t include all genders. I honestly did my best and I will happily modify them if you tell me how.)

A – Anal:         When he is dating someone with a vagina, Jason rarely asks for anal sex. He prefers pussy to ass but if his partner wants him to use the back door he will happily do so.             However, his partner has to keep in mind that Jason always needs to be very testosterone-y and in full-dominant mode to fuck them in the ass.           In a relationship with someone with a penis, Jason will usually be the one who fucks in the ass rather than the one who is fucked in the ass though he can accept to swap roles from time to time.

B – BDSM:     That will be a non-negotiable “NO”. Even though he is fully aware that BDSM doesn’t only rhyme with pain but also with consent and pleasure, Jason is not a fan of it as hinted and stated many times in Red Hood and The Outlaws.             We can suppose that it is because BDSM can let some poorly buried trauma surface by reminding Jason of bad memories that includes ropes and a crowbar.    

C- Condom:   Only when needed. Like most men, Jason doesn’t like the lack of sensation that wearing a condom involves but he is smart and responsible enough to know there are moments when you need to wear one.       At a beginning of a relationship, he will always choose to wear one until he is sure that there are no risks to transmit any sort of STD. But once he knows everything is safe he will gladly ask his partner to either stop using protection and/or take contraception like a pill if said partner can get pregnant. Being a father is not in his plans and it actually scares him.            

D- Dominance:           Jason is a caring and highly protective boyfriend with fear of abandonment issues and those traits ultimately makes him a very possessive lover.         And it shows in bed. His possessiveness coupled with his passion and devotion to his SO makes him the type of man that permanently tries to assert his dominance. But this so-called dominance is not a way to show who’s the man in this relationship or who’s wearing the pants. It is just a clumsy way to show that he is a fully committed and devoted lover who is always struggling to please his partner out of fear of not being good enough and eventually abandoned. (Who said men were not complicated sometimes?)       Moreover, Jason fucks according to his mood and so his dominance always varies. Sometimes dominance can simply mean him on top and sometimes it can be synonymous of hard deep pounding from behind. Jason can indeed be a rough lover but he will never be the type to lay a hand on his SO. So you can forget any sort of slap or strangulation. He is a fighter in the streets but a lover under the sheets.       But submission is very rarely his thing. Sure he will adore making love with a partner as passionate as he is and will forever be turned on by someone who can match his strength and therefore who will not mind standing up to him. But if you think you can tame him forever you’re so wrong.         Jason will occasionally let you lead the way in the bedroom and he will be happy to let you do so as he will see your sudden dominance the same manner he sees his (meaning a symbol of love and devotion). But any relationship in which the place of alpha male is permanently refused to him will leave him unsatisfied and frustrated.

E- Ejaculation:             One thing is sure; Jason can’t cum in a condom. When wearing one, he will always make sure to remove it to spurt his semen on his partner. Most of the time it is on their ass, chest or pussy. He will generally never cum on someone’s face though but will see no problem in cumming in someone’s mouth for as long as they swallow that load.           But what he loves the most is to cum inside his partner (which is also another reason why he is not a fan of condoms). He finds a certain pleasure in doing so, finding the act rather intimate and weirdly romantic. He would never cum inside someone he doesn’t love or barely know.

F- Foreplay:     Jason never forgets foreplay even if his body begs him to just fuck his partner and get it over with. To him, foreplay is necessary when you do the deed. Without that Jason will feel like something is missing and view the sexual act as botched.         But to Jason Todd foreplay doesn’t only revolve around handjobs, fingering, oral sex or any other physical display. Of course he will happily do all of that but Jason is an intellectual and so he will definitely consider words as a form of foreplay. And sometimes they even arouse him more than the rest. Few naughty text messages telling him how much you miss him and his cock inside of you and the man will run back to you as fast as The Flash, his penis as hard as a stone pillar. And when that happens, you might get yourself prepared, as he won’t take much time to kiss or cuddle.

G- Gear and tool:       Mother Nature blessed Jason Todd and gave him one hell of a cock that matches his broad physique! It is veiny and circumcised, long, way longer than average actually, and its girth is going to stretch and fill any hole perfectly.           But this beautiful gear is not always a blessing. Indeed, you cannot take Jason’s whole cock in your mouth without gagging or chocking (though some people don’t mind that) and if you’re not lubed enough penetration can definitely hurt. So playing with that amazing tool demands patience and time.     His testicles are even and rather large when you think about it but they suit the P.  

H- Hairs:         Jason is a hard-worker but he is extremely lazy when it comes to taking care of himself. Plus, that laziness is also coupled with the fact that he doesn’t have much time to really mind his appearance. When he is monopolized by his vigilante work, he can spend days without shaving (and sometimes showering) and not really realise that he is in an urgent need of a razor. A chance that he is not a man that tends to be very hairy!           But to be honest, Jason doesn’t mind hairs in general and there are actually places he refuses to shave like his legs, his arms and the sexy line of dark hairs he has under his bellybutton.     But when he actually takes time to clean and shave, he always makes sure that his armpits are not bushy, that there are no hairs on his chest and his face and that his pubic hairs are nicely trimmed (He hates shaving them.)     When it comes to his partner, Jason can tolerate some hairs but he prefers when they are either fully-shaven or well-trimmed. He doesn’t like eating hairs when eating his SO out.

I- Intimacy:     Jason is very ambiguous and difficult to understand when it comes to intimacy.   As a possessive lover, he will always refuse to share his partner with another ‘alpha male’. He needs to be the centre of attention and the only person craved and praised in the bedroom. So when dating Jason you can forget any sort of threesome or orgy.           But if his partner is interested in welcoming a person that might not overshadow Jason and let him keep his dominant place between the sheets (for example a woman) then he may accept. Single, he will happily mingle with a couple but he will somewhat see this as a competition or an opportunity to show who’s the best.           But there’s definitely something that he will prefer to threesomes and that’s being watched or heard while having sex.           No, he won’t drag you to some swinger’s club and allow dozens of people watch you two having sex (he is a romantic) but you need to keep in mind that Jason is a man that doesn’t limit his sexual intercourses to his bedroom.             He actually loves fucking outside and/or in public places as the risks of getting caught or being heard have the tendency to get him highly turned on and have his juices flow. But he is not stupid enough to risk everything for a quick romp in front of others.             Weirdly, he prefers getting caught/ being heard by people he knows - and in that case he will not stop fucking his partner and show what an amazing lay he is – than by someone he doesn’t know. It boosts his ego and he can’t help it.       The only time getting caught traumatized him was when Alfred accidentally spotted him having sex in the manor. He didn’t dare catch his eye for days.    

J- Jerking off:   Jason can sometimes jerk off when he feels like he needs to release some stress and tension. But this solitary act requires a moment of intimacy he doesn’t often get because of his vigilantism that takes up all of his nights and energy. After a long night of patrol, given the choice, he will mostly choose sleeping over masturbation. But when he does jerk off, he always makes sure that no one is going to bother him (though he has fantasise about his crush watching him quite a few times) and he tends to think about situations rather than persons. The only times he will think about someone while masturbating will be when he has a crush on someone. Then he will imagine fucking this person and probably whisper their name.

K – Kink:         Jason can be kinky but he is not the kinkiest of the bat-family. There are things he will stubbornly never try or even consider (BDSM for example) but things he will gladly do on occasion (see Intimacy + Roleplay). As said before he won’t mix violence and love.   But the kinky side of Jason is just another way to spice up his relationship and show he is not a boring partner. Moreover, he is a boyfriend that takes consent and respect very seriously. He will never do anything that might hurt his SO in any way or anything they might not be confortable with.   That’s why he believes he and his partner have to talk about any sort of kinks before trying to experiment them. But he will prefer doing it through text messages than face to face. He is weirdly shy when talking about sex.

L - Love:           Jason has had a few one night stands but he will admit that sex is better when you’re in love. Plus, “sex gets better with time” would define Jason’s skills as a lover as he is the type of man that needs (and loves) taking his time to discover his partner’s body and desires. He is an enthusiastic learner that hasn’t yet discovered all the things he can know about sex. And that’s because he hasn’t had so many partners over the years.     Though don’t think that means your first time together is going to be bad. It won’t. On the contrary, it will be great but not as great as it can become.       Therefore we can jump to the conclusion that the persons that will only have Jason for one night will definitely miss something truly amazing.

M - Massage:     Jason has many qualities but giving massage is not a talent he can brag about. He is honestly not that bad at it but since he believes he sucks, he will not initiate in any sort of massage session. However, he loves getting one since he loves being touched and caressed especially on his chest and back. Actually, Jason believes that caresses and cuddles cannot be dissociated from the deed and views them as necessary before, during and after the act.         Also, he is the kind of men that will display his affection anytime he can though preferably in private. The rare PDA will occur if he feels jealous, threatened or worse, neglected (Don’t ever do that or the entire city will hear his wrath!).

N – Nudity:     When he is in a relationship Jason is not ashamed of his body but that doesn’t make him a body-confident man in general. Don’t expect seeing him walking around fully naked!     Indeed, Jason is modest and never sees his body as sexy. I mean, he knows he is muscular and well-built and all but as it is in his nature to focus on the negative, he will always be a bit hung up about the scars on his body and he will never let a one-night partner touch them or ask any sort of question about them. Only his SO will be allowed to do so and that shows how much trust and love Jason places in his relationships.

O – Oral sex:               To Jason, there’s nothing sexier than his partner sucking out his cock on their knees. It gives him satisfaction and boosts his ego like nothing else because he views this act as a symbol of submission and worship, two things he deeply cares about when having sex.           Fortunately he loves to reciprocate and he will not hesitate dropping on his knees to do the same. But don’t view it as him submitting to you. If that gorgeous man goes down, he goes down to make you scream his name, not to be your pet.           Also, it may be seen as an asshole move but if you refuse to suck his cock, do not expect him to give you oral sex. As terrible as it sounds and even though he puts his partner’s pleasure before his own, the man gives if only you give in return.

P – Position.   Jason is a romantic that craves touching and being touched and so he will always favours positions that allows him to feel his SO’s body against his or to roam their bodies with his strong hands or his lips. That’s why he will not appreciate being tied up and submitted.         Jason loves positions that allow him to go deep in his partner and to see himself do so. Plus, he likes sex to be a confortable experience for both his partner and himself. Therefore do not expect acrobatic positions that will leave you tired and aching for days. He doesn’t need that to make you feel that way. His top positions are: missionary, doggy, (reverse or not) cowgirl and spooning as they will all permit his hands and/or lips to wander your body.

Q – Quickie:   Jason is not really a fan of quickies as he want sex with him to be a memorable experience as well as a memento of his skills as a lover. Therefore, he strongly believes a 5 or 10 minutes sexual experience cannot show his partner what a good lay he is. And so, he will favour long nights of sweaty sex plus some good morning sex if the experience was highly pleasant.

R – Role Play: Jason is a good actor. He loves wearing disguise and impersonating different persons as we saw it quite regularly throughout RHATO. So if you want to role play, you bet he will be up for it and it will be a fun time. His favourite scenarios: the ones where he is in charge of course since they are the ones that allow him to display the little confidence he has without any sort of shyness or fear.     Do you like men with a moustache? Cause Malone Jr. is on his way.

S – Stamina:   Jason is kind, caring and generous out and under the sheets. He will always make sure to respect and please his partner, placing their pleasure before his own. But that doesn’t make him any less hungry than he is.           He is rather insatiable when having sex and that’s probably because he doesn’t have sex often even when in a relationship (damn patrols!). Therefore, that man can sometimes get carried away, be rather quick on the mount and become a bit of a jackhammer if his partner does not refrain him. And he won’t stop until he … you know.       Fortunately, his romantic side as well as his generosity will always remind him not to leave his partner unsatisfied at the end of the deed which miraculously doesn’t happen as quickly as one would expect given his frenetic pace.       Because he is athletic, Jason has a very good stamina. Plus, he is the kind of lover that can recuperate rather quickly and so he can go for a round two and even a round three if his partner is up for it.            

T – Talking:     Jason doesn’t consider himself a dirty-talker. Sure he will let out some naughty sentences while having sex but they will never be disrespectful. He won’t call his partner a whore or any other insulting words. On the contrary he will give compliments and make praises rain and he will happily accept the same from his partner in return.       He will also ask a lot of questions to reassure himself like “Do you like that?” or “Do you like my cock inside of you?” and he will also demand to be complimented (“Tell me how much you like it”) especially if his partner is silent (which is something he hates by the way).     He is not a very noisy lover. He never screams or moans loudly. He grunts and growls but those noises usually are very guttural as if he is fighting to keep them to himself. Don’t do the same though. Scream, talk and let the whole neighborhood he’s fucking you good!

U – Underwear:         Trunks or boxers but never briefs. Something that can hold his prominent package while he is running after criminals in Gotham City but that isn’t too tight around his thunder thighs. His underwear is generally unicolor and has no patterns. Dick bought him a pair of bat-briefs for fun once but he never wore them. Actually he probably threw them away. He likes his female partners to wear sexy fancy lingerie but he doesn’t see it as a necessary tool to be aroused. Simple underwear doesn’t turn him off but if there are some unicorns or rainbows on them … well … he might feel very uncomfortable and perplexed.          

V – Virginity:               He was around 16 or 17, living among the All-Caste and it was with Essence, Ducra’s daughter. Essence was Jason’s almost every first-times. Though she is not the first person he fell in love with, she was the first girl he kissed, the first girl he touched and the first girl he had sex with. Before that he had never really made out with anyone, as young Jason was the kind of boy more interested in books than in people. But Essence wasn’t just anyone. She was mysterious, fascinating and hard to get and those two traits are still something that Jason digs in a partner. If you ask Jason about his first time, he will tell you that even if he and Essence are not on best terms today, he doesn’t regret one bit of what happened with her. He truly loved her and she was here for him when no one else was.

W – Worship If you don’t know how to be complimentary then you might not be the right person for Jason. This man craves compliments and affection as much as one craves food and water.           Jason cannot thrive in a relationship with a selfish partner who doesn’t flatter him as he always feels the need to be worshipped. It’s not arrogance. It’s because he is permanently scared of not being good enough. See him as an unconfident little boy who needs recognition to be happy in a way.       But once you start demonstrating your admiration and affection for him, get ready to be showered with loving compliments. Worship goes in both ways in Jason’s mind. The more complimentary and loving you will be the more he will. And that works in the bedroom as well. Worship the man! Show him (and tell him!) how much you love him and how much you love what he is doing and you will be the most sexually satisfied person in the world. To make it short, worship is Jason’s fuel.   To finish, If he could worship one part of his lover’s body it would be their eyes. (Told you he was a romantic!). He loves to keep eye contact with his partner while having sex and see them sparkle with lust, pleasure and happiness.           

X- Xenophilia:             If you look at Jason’s list of love interests, you can spot some recurring characteristics. Physically, most of them have light hair. They are often blonds or red-heads and they often have got green or blue eyes. But that doesn’t mean he won’t be interested in brunettes (Talia, Donna) and reject anyone with dark eyes (Essence’s eyes were completely black!). Because what matters the most to him is chemistry. Jason wants someone he can trust, someone he can talk to and that will understand him but that also will call him on his bullshit and stand up to him when needed. In a word, be strong and be there for him.

Y – Yearn:       Unlike someone else in the bat-family (cough Dick cough), Jason will not drop his pants in a heartbeat and he doesn’t really fancy eager persons as well (Those persons are only good for one night). He loves the chase and he loves when the people he is interested in are playing hard to get. That will arouse him a lot and make him crave them even more.           When he wants to have sex, Jason will drop occasional hints to show his (potential) partner that he wants them. Usually, they will be caresses, kisses and/or languorous looks. He will never clearly say out loud that he wants to have sex. But he doesn’t mind when his partner drags him to the bedroom and initiate the deed. He finds that terribly sexy even, and super complimentary.

Z – Zzzzz:         Jason likes to sleep after sex with his naked partner huddled against him. Rest your head over his chest and hold him tight and he will be the happiest man in the world as, to him, it will mean ‘Stay. I feel safe with you’. But don’t expect to sleep all night especially if your relationship is brand new. You wanted Todd in your bed? You have him and he will not hesitate waking you up slowly if he wants to get in between your legs one more time. Hope you don’t mind.     Plus, Jason is not the “hump and go” type of man and he will always be there in the morning with his body probably pressed against yours. Though, if you’re a night stand there are risks he might never call you again.

[bean-na-farraige-agus-foraoise]

Do you have any particular resources for “Eostre” being Bede’s own creation? I know there’s no other attestation and that there are debates among scholars as to this hypothetical goddess’s existence, but if you have the time/energy, I’d love to see more resources on it being definitively a joke / fake from Bede, rather than just a possible goddess we know very little about.

It’s more the use of basic logic, so I’m just going to spell out my argument. I only have one direct quote so one citation, because again, my argument is based on logic and the way one ought to approach medieval sources that then get picked up by 19th century scholars. (I also discussed this at length with an old professor of mine who focuses on medieval theology so much of this is from my notes rather than like textbooks).

I first look at the author, Bede himself. He, like most historians of his day, is not exactly known for being accurate- his other most famous history, the  Ecclesiastical History of the English People is just chock full of propaganda, omissions, and his own personal agendas- he literally avoids talking to native Britons as he’s heavily biased against them. Bede has also been described as having “often used figures of speech and rhetorical forms which cannot easily be reproduced in translation, depending as they often do on the connotations of the Latin words (1)"- which in companion with the propaganda and his own personal agendas makes it very likely that someone unfamiliar with Bede’s writing style like... perhaps a certain German, possibly one by the name of Grimm, would take what he said at face value without taking into account any of the historical and ecclesiastical influences on Bede’s writing. 

The work that Eostre originates in is known as The Reckoning of Time, and focuses on one of Bede’s favorite topics... calendars. And I don’t want y’all to say that I’m making Bede out to be an idiot, because he isn’t, what I’m saying that the man is significantly more reliable as a scientist and a linguist than as a historian. The Reckoning of Time, written in 725, discusses things that a lot of modern day people think that those in the middle ages couldn’t possibly know such as an explanation of how the spherical Earth influenced the changing length of daylight, of how the seasonal motion of the Sun and Moon influenced the changing appearance of the new moon at evening twilight, and a quantitative relation between the changes of the tides at a given place and the daily motion of the Moon.

But the thing with Eostre is that the arguments made by proponents of Eostre’s reality don’t seem to add up. They argue that Eostre is a survival of the goddess  h₂éwsōs, who has a set mythology and role, she is the bringer of dawn, an opener of the doors of heaven, and a goddess of light- and while I have no linguistic scruples with the possibility that linguistically Eostre evolved from h₂éwsōs I do think that there are some issues with this argument. Eostre has no such role and indeed, according to proponents of her existence, like Grimm, has an entirely different role as a goddess of spring, of rebirth, a theme that by the first century AD was associated with Easter (aka several hundred years before we see Eostre being attested, and over a thousand years separated from Grimm’s claims). The associations with Easter and rebirth are what brings the rabbit and the egg into the picture. Furthermore when constructing an image of Eostre, Grimm and Holtzmann the individuals most responsible for the modern view of Eostre, just kinda..... pull aspects of goddesses from other cultures- they pull a little bit from Aphrodite, snag an aspect or two from Freyja. And in fact one of the most popular myths surrounding Eostre, that she turned a bird into a rabbit and that’s why the Easter rabbit lays eggs, was once described as “one of the oldest myths in the world” despite it being a recent fabrication as of 1900. 

Several older texts that mention Ostara such as the Althochdeutsches Schlummerlied announced in 1859 by Georg Zappert is considered a forgery. Grimm, Zappert, and Holtzmann were looking were a common thread of Germanic connection on which to build a German national mythology. Germany would not be a unified state until 1871 and was instead a region of disparate and often un-unified small states that were frequently invaded by larger nations, such as France. A German national mythology and a German national history came to be key points in the unification of Germany, and later became a focal point of German fascism. 

Furthermore much of the arguments in favor of Eostre seem to rely on what appear to me, to be flimsy linguistic claims that were only thought up in relation to Bede’s posited goddess Eostre and Grimm’s claims of Eostre’s importance in Germany despite his.... making up the things about her..... but I digress- many of the things that are held up as “proof” of Eostre’s existence seem to come from hypothetical linguistics, it’s very much an attempt to connect certain sounds and popular German names to a figure who’s existence was not mentioned prior to Bede’s work, who was popularized by a German nationalist, and then whose holiday was taken and used in what was asserted to be a survival of ancient religion (Wicca- as published in Gardner’s Witchcraft Today) just four years prior to the discovery of the artifacts that are shown as proof of Eostre’s existence in 1958. And while many of these inscriptions have been attributed to Eostre, many of the inscriptions are also incomplete, and several of them have been attributed to a social group rather than a deity. Claiming that a deity exists because you see what is believed to be a linguistic connection to their name (which again was not attested to until the 8th century) is just.... it’s like the Danu situation for Gaelpol all over again. Basing linguistic studies off of hypothetical goddesses with highly debatable origins just doesn’t feel like proof to me. 

But back to Bede, Eostre is not the only deity he just creates while writing The Reckoning of Time. And Eostre is not the only deity that Grimm grabs up as being a real Germanic figure who is otherwise unattested- Rheda is also just brought into existence and shoved into a similar situation as Eostre- made into a fertility goddess because of which month Bede ascribed them to and preconceived notions of what would be celebrated at that time of year based on over a thousand years of Christian influence and associations already held with the Easter holiday. Also, Grimm does the same thing to Rheda that he does to Eostre, in that, because nothing is given of her, he pulls aspects from other deities to flesh out her character- giving her similarities to the Roman Mars. 

And even beyond Bede’s writing- some arguments have posited that the age in which Bede was raised (shortly after the conversion was completed) would have allowed him to talk to people about aspects of religion that would have not have fully died out. Which is fair, but one must also keep in mind that Bede was sent to live in a monastery when he was 7 years old, and that he and the Abbot who raised him were among the only survivors of a plague that struck when Bede was 14. This was not a life that allowed for much other than ecclesiastical education- and Bede cites local pagan authors in his his other writing, but none of them discuss Eostre or Rheda. It seems to me as though when writing The Reckoning of Time, that Bede, who was also discussing Greek and Roman cosmology and mythology might have seen the space for a goddess of spring in Anglo-Saxon mythology and just filled in the gaps utilizing the Germanic word for Easter as his base (remember, Bede was a linguist). 

But beyond this, it’s important to me that people remember that medieval monks were human. They were political beings, they were capable of having a sense of humor, they had agendas- Bede’s agenda was calendars, but it was an agenda nonetheless. And historians, archaeologists, anthropologists, they all have agendas, they have opinions, things that influence their arguments- don’t just take what they say at face value but examine why. 

But I raise the bar to you now- why do you believe in a hypothetical goddess, what evidence do you have that says she’s real? 

Ultimately my only dog in this fight is historical literacy and accuracy because I don’t follow the Germanic gods, I’m a Gaelic polytheist. It doesn’t matter to me what gods people follow even if I think they don’t exist, that’s not my fight- but seeing people claim that a holiday was stolen from a hypothetical deity really grinds my gears- particularly when those arguments are coming from people who couldn’t give me a single academic argument for their stance that hasn’t been disproven a thousand times over. 

1. Colgrave, Bertram; Mynors, R.A.B. "Introduction". Bede's Ecclesiastical History of the English People. (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1969).

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

Blood in the Library

Well, I finished it even though I was planning on posting it tomorrow. Not my grandest piece, but to me it has a delectable taste of whump and a little comfort seasoning. Mmmm yum. You can tell I'm hungry. Anway, this is shorter than normal, but, not to be a spoiler, still has my classic cliffhanger.

Warnings: gorey descriptions of blood, collapse/loss of consciousness, descriptions of murder, begging, descriptions of someone's lack of weight and muscles

~

Then he just... collapsed?

Fell down the stairs in epic slow-mo, eyes turning white just before his head cracked against the concrete surface. Face growing into a snowy blanch as his injuries caught up to his rapidly tiring body.

Civilian rushed forward in a desperate attempt to catch him, but it was an effort close to pointless. He had already fallen deep into a pit of blackness and painless sleep.

Civilian scooped up his fevered body and hugged him close. His bloody head lolled limply across her chest until it settled in the crease of her shoulder, content to just rest there for eternity.

Civilian's eyes scouted his body, taking in the countless bruises and pools of blood. It was a horrendous sight- one that would make a squeamish person retch with revolting nausea. But she wasn't one for that, so she pressed her hands firmly against the worst of the bubbling blood geysers to staunch the streaming flow.

When the blood flow minimized to a manageable amount, she grabbed her phone and proceeded to call the ambulance, but a weak hand stopped her.

Civilian looked down to see fluttering indigo-colored eyes meeting her own rustic browns. They were, indeed, more than beautiful- dare say, gorgeous to some degree. Civilian couldn't help but admire them. The way green swirled into navy... it was a sight that she didn't want to stop seeing.

But of course, her wish was denied when the poking and prodding of the situation reminded her that the injured man was awake and quite distressed.

"No," he begged. "No...nnn, no stop stop... phsl-phslease please no." His shaky hand floated about aimlessly, but the dark azure eyes guaranteed the intensity of the weakly said plea.

For a split second, Civilian was dumbfounded before realizing that she needed to comfort and soothe the man.

"Hey," she set down the phone. Immediately, the man's anguished features relaxed, looking approvingly at the laid phone.

"I'm not gonna hurt you," she told him, not quite understanding his sudden placidity- the painless look of serenity in those irises. It was as if all agony faded with the simple gesture, but the quivering of his lips and sporadic twitches determined otherwise.

"Not that," he slurred in incomplete syllables, his eyes closing despite his best efforts to stay conscious.

"Okay," Civilian went to pick up her phone again, to call the much needed paramedic, but a sudden outburst from the man made her drop the phone, startled.

"No amb'lanch," he cried, but it was a waste if energy. His head dropped back against her, eyes rolling backwards once again. Civilian shook him to the waking world.

"Who are you?" She asked as if that would give her some clearance about not calling the ambulance.

"Villain..." He mumbled, slurred and incoherent, but Civilian heard it as if it was screamed at her. Then, his eyes shut all the way and he was lost to the world.

Civilian dropped the man and scurried to her feet, hands grappling at her cheeks. It was... Villain. One of the most feared criminals in the whole city. The one who strung people up by wires to slowly kill them in the most gruesome way possible.

The one that even heroes didn't dare to cross.

And he was passed out at her feet, bleeding and barely breathing.

She should've turned him in. Turned him in so that the proper authorities could finally arrest the menace that plagued the city- especially now that he was subdued and probably very compliant.

Yet... he was shivering. Shivering from the cold, exhaustion, and pain. It would be merciless to leave him to suffer- possibly die- alone. Civilian had some morals affer all.

Villain didn't. That much was clear from the way he razed cities to the ground. It was clear from the way he mercilessly slaughtered innocents. And it was more than clear when he threw bombs in front of traffic to kill and destroy everything within a half mile radius.

But he was injured.

But he had killed so many others without even blinking an eye.

No one else had to die.

Now, Civilian was not a model of muscles. She was more accurately described as a "bag of bones". Heck, some people even told her to go to a doctor- she had grown in size since then, but still.

So, linking her arms and dragging the villain a foot unlocked new muscles that she didn't even know she had. Not that she had the muscles, but after walking just a little bit, she was exhausted and sore.

"How?" She sighed and slumped down to the ground. The villain was still asleep, not bothered by the ninety degree turn Civilian maneuvered him in.

The library that Civilian volunteered at was lazily sitting itself against the sunset in a silhouetted painting. The stairs leading up to it- the ones Villain fell down- weren't too tall... ish? No, they towered over the pair, guarding the marbled building. White pillars supported the small tiled canopy with vigor, giving the quaint building a classic Roman Empire vibe.

Inside was a small isolated office where Civilian spent her lunch break. It had an expresso machine to satisfy her zealous cravings for the brunette liquid with white creamer topping.

It also had a couple comfortable bean bags that were perfect for the villain to recline upon until he woke up. It wasn't like Civilian was planning on actually tending to the vibrant red gashes. Dragging him to a heated room was enough- a gifted treasure to the villain, she believed- and it would be unlawful to go any further.

It took maybe an hour until the fit figure and skinny one barged through the glass door- the only portion of the exterior that did not hold that Pompeii look. Civilian was dripping with sweat, her chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Villain had not moved. His face was still and lubricant.

Civilian laid Villain upon the red castle-like carpet that spread through the hallway of the library before shutting the dark sky out, closing the door and locking it.

She then took Villain to the earlier mentioned office with more ease for the red carpet made him slide like a bolt drenched in WD-40. She opened the office. Thankfully, unlike every other room in the building, the walls barricading it were made of plaster, not transparent diamond-shaped panel windows.

She laid him upon a gray beanbag and assessed his wounds before turning to leave.

But a small whimper made her spin back around.

Villain was awake, taking in his surroundings with dazed interest- not really understanding, but realizing his situation, or dilemma, depending on what his half-delirious mind thought. Finally, after a few slow moments of searching the walls for some hidden answer, those dazzling- and slightly familiar- eyes landed on the tiny body of Civilian.

Civilian didn't know what to say. Any statement her mind conjured was shot down with a contradicting question of "what if he asks this" or "won't that make me seem like I care for him".

So she settled on a simple question that anyone would've ask anyone.

"How are you feeling?"

The villain took a while to make sense of the peculiar question. He was, in fact, never asked that from anyone.

Not even-

He shuddered, not wanting to think of the one person who might've once cared for him.

"Weird," the villain replied, eyes shifting downwards to study the masterpiece done on him. Like paint, once it dried on the flesh-covered canvas, it would be an artist's hard work.

The end result.

"Like how?" Civilian wondered, despite her natural instincts to leave.

"Dizzy? Pain, hurts. Don't know," Villain forced himself to meet those kind looking eyes.

"You lost a lot of blood," Civilian answered, setting her body next to his. "I'm pretty sure these need stitches."

Villain nodded, blue eyes ragged with an uncharacteristic emotion. Fear, almost.

"You... Civ'lian?" Villain slurred, his body threatening to shut down once again.

"Yes," Civilian replied. "I am. And you are Villain." The words tasted like hot sauce in her mouth. She just admitted outloud to herself that she was caring for a villain. The most notoriously evil villain in the city, if that fact wasn't stated enough.

"Know you..."

"No, I think you are delirious."

"No. Know you," the villain asserted.

"Okay... who did this to you?" Civilian asked, watching the rapidly fading Villain's face.

"My boss and m' brother," the villain responded, his eyes slipping shut. "...Hero."

The world seemed to stop as the last word was uttered. Hero?

Those eyes. The familiar captivating gaze held in those blueberry-flavored irises. The notable green swirls, speckles of black dust... those were Hero's eyes.

Those were her boyfriend's eyes.