#the exam season should fear ME

[stars-and-darkness]

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[dstryvampres]

Lab Assistant

MINORS/AGELESS BLOG DNI !

Pairing: Jonathan Crane x Reader

Warnings: smut LOL, dub con, pnv, unprotected sex, use of fear toxin on some dude, he smacks your ass like once

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: this is my first time writing just pure smut, sorry if the set up is super long.

For the past week your heater had been broken, and despite multiple calls to your landlord which always ended up with the promise that he would come over to fix it eventually, you were still freezing. Though you could escape the biting cold throughout the day by taking up a second home at your university, you always had to eventually come back to your shitty studio apartment and suffer through the night. You’re excess time spent on campus was well spent, studying in the library, napping under stairwells or in-between shelves in the library, stirring around coffee you didn’t even like but knew you have to drink to stay in the cafe, or staring longingly at your psychology professor Dr. Crane. The lack of any privacy throughout your day had started to get annoying after the first three days, not helped by the fact that because you saw Dr Crane more than you usually do, leading to you feeling more high strung. Gotham was not treating you kindly.

“Excuse me,” a voice called out quite loudly above you, forcing you out of your final exam induced coma. You gritted your teeth, knowing that you were likely overstaying your visit to the campus library, especially since you had just finished your last exam of the season, who knows how many hours ago.

Looking up you were met with the face of your favourite professor, Dr Crane. Another horrible coincidence, it was embarrassing for someone so put together and professional to find you so vulnerable, especially someone who you had in mind when your hand was shoved down your pants most nights. 

“The library is closing soon, I would recommend getting your stuff and heading out,” Dr Crane says, his voice oddly empathetic. A jarring contrast to the usual mix of hostility and boredom his voice held during lectures. He sighs and takes off his glasses, pinching his eyebrows together, seeming conflicted over what he wants to say next, so instead you fill the space with your own voice.

“Of course, I’m so sorry sir. I seemed to lose track of time, and was too exhausted to walk home. Again, I am so sorry. I should have set a timer or just maybe not sleep in the library, that was so-“

“You have been spending a weird amount of time on campus for the past week,” Dr Crane interjects, giving you a once over. “Is everything okay at home?”

The question was so genuine it made your brain short circuit. Why would he even care about you?

“Not really,” you laughed, the two words coming out of your mouth before you had time to think. A habit only recently picked up due to sleepless nights.

A smile crept over your professor's face, one that didn’t seem to reach the rest of his face. You couldn’t tell if it was from the shock of your honesty or something more sinister. He sat down in front of you, scratching his nose, letting a silence stretch out. Just long enough for pricks of discomfort to stir.

“Well, I’m running a program here at the university over the winter break. Just need an assistant to help me over at Arkham for an experiment I’m conducting. The job would include housing closer to Arkham, since it’s a little out of the city, and it pays about a dollar over the minimum wage. If you’re interested,” he slides a business card over the table, smile now dropped, “just email me in the next 48 hours.”

Taking the card eagerly between your fingers, mumbling a small ‘thank you’ under your breath before pocketing it. When you look up he’s already halfway gone. Packing up your things as fast as you can, you leave the library and hop on the train back to your shitty apartment. An email is sent to Dr Crane that night, and the following day you are confirmed as his assistant for this experiment the next day.

𝜗𝜚

The space provided for your three week stay was slightly better than your studio apartment, mostly because it had heating, but also because you shared a wall with Dr Crane. Besides the housing, the internship also came with an average pay, some work experience, and enough credits to compensate for one class. Your first week there had mostly been mundane tasks, taking notes outside of interrogation rooms while Dr Crane interviewed patients, making coffee for the two of you, making patient profiles, and making sure no one took any of Dr Crane’s “special medicine” for the experiment. Despite the easy work and the decent benefits, you couldn’t shake the feeling that something more sinister that Dr Crane wasn’t telling you about the experiment. With a thesis based around the concept of fears, you had yet to notice any great dive into the topic beside a few one-off questions.

“Before we start this week,” Dr Crane starts, sitting down in the chair opposite to you, “I want to just warn you that this is when the experiment starts to become a little more intense.”

He holds a coffee mug in his hand, as he talks the liquid sloshes around the cup. It's all information you already know, you signed an NDA, he trusts you, do what he says, and that he needs you to stay out of the room no matter what. Last week you learned just how Dr Crane enjoys his coffee, no milk and one sugar, you can’t understand how he can drink it. One sugar can’t mask the bitter taste. He drinks it quickly though, remembering the taste makes you gag.

“Before we begin today, can you prepare the variable today in syringes? I will be introducing it into the experimental group today.”

He sets down the now empty mug, a loud thump echoes through the room, startling you. Dr Crane smiles at your reaction, it’s the same one he always gives you, the one that doesn’t reach the rest of his face. You ignore the stone that has formed inside your stomach, picking up your clipboard and pen.

“I’ll meet you in room 283B,” your professor puts a hand on the small of your back, leading you both out of his office. A shock is sent through your body at the contact, once out of the room you turn to look at him, but his hand is gone and he’s headed in the opposite direction as you.

Something else that you have noticed throughout this week is just how close Dr Crane is now. He’s more touchy than you would pinpoint him as. Which isn’t saying much, but the small lingering touches he lays on you, a hand on your shoulder, maybe on the small of your back, doesn’t seem to be too professional. One… two… three millilitres of solution per syringe. The questions he asks also seem to be a little weird, especially due to the matter of the study. A common thread being his prying into your fears, and a look of hunger when he asks the questions. Soft thud of the storage container hitting the ‘chemical waste’ bin. Though you can’t really complain, this past week has given you enough content for your late nights to satisfy you for your whole university career, Masters program included. Laying out each of the syringes in a row on the tray, and counting them out. Three syringes on the top tray, six needles on the lower tray. Rolling the tray out of the room and over to the elevator to head up to the second floor.

You softly knock on the door, waiting for Dr Crane to open up the door to the observer section. The door opens in a matter of seconds, only a crack for a couple more seconds, before it is completely opened. 

“Thank you,” Dr Crane says, looking down at the tray of syringes. He takes one in his gloved hand, holds it up to the light and nods, a stamp of approval given to your handiwork. “Remember: that if anything goes wrong, do not enter the room, just call security, and take as detailed notes as possible on the patient’s behaviour and the levels on the monitor.”

You nod, taking a look at the monitor set up beside the one-way glass, all vitals seem to be steady at the moment. The door to the room holding the patient opens up and shuts quickly, Dr Crane slipping in and greeting the patient, thanking him for his time. The patient seems to be a middle aged man, scars run across his arms, roughed up from whatever he did before his time in Arkham, he’s bald and seems to be displeased with his situation. Still, when Dr Crane comes to insert the syringe into his arm he stays still and takes it. The opaque liquid disappears as Dr Crane pushes down on the syringe, removing it once all the liquid has entered into the man’s system. A ‘thank you’ is expressed by Dr Crane before he exits the room, syringe in hand. Once the door is locked, Crane disposes of the syringe in the toxic waste bin in the observer’s room.

“The solution will take about five minutes to kick in,” he says, looking at you and it’s now that you realise just how excited he seems to be. 

The heart rate on the monitor starts to speed up, taking your attention away from Crane, and noting it down.

“Are you sure you estimated the time correctly?” You ask hesitantly, not wanting to offend your professor.

“I did. No worries. Injections can do this to people.”

The next five minutes pass by slowly, Dr Crane behind your chair, his breath tickling your ear. It’s almost impossible to focus like this, you just want to do something about the growing wet spot in your pants. Screaming immediately breaks through the tension you were feeling, you look at the patient. His eyes are wide, his pupils expanded, and his heart rate reaches around 140 bpm. Alarm sets into your own heart, you didn’t expect this big of a reaction from the patient. Dr Crane nudges your shoulder, reminding you to start writing your observations.

11:06: patient’s heart rate reaches 140 bpm

11:07: patient starts uncontrollably screaming at seemingly nothing

Your continued scribbling of notes doesn’t seem to discourage Dr Crane from talking.

“I didn’t know it would be this effective. I’ve been waiting years for this to be approved and this is better than I could’ve ever expected.”

Nausea settled from the mix of pleading for mercy and screaming from the patient, and Dr Crane’s glee from his reactions. Unsure how you could continue on with doing this almost every single day for the two weeks. Writing soon became sloppy due to your own lightheadedness and nausea, every moment you begged someone to make this stop. It was too much. It stretched on for over fifteen minutes before the patient finally came back from whatever drug induced hallucination he was forced into, yet he was still crying. Wanting to distance yourself so far from this experiment, you place the clipboard down.

“Wonderful isn’t it?” Dr Crane asked you, placing a hand on your shoulder. Whatever response you thought you could muster was stuck in your throat, so instead you nodded. “I call it my ‘fear toxin.’”

Once his hand left your shoulder, you immediately stood up, head spinning so much that you stumbled right into Dr Crane.

“Are you okay? Did the ‘fear toxin’ effects startle you?” He asks, putting his hands on your shoulder to stabilise you, his voice bridges between mocking and actually concerned.

“I just need to go to the bathroom,” You squeeze out, stumbling into the hallway and waving goodbye.

Stumbling around, unable to find the bathroom, you slide down the wall of an empty hallway. Sitting on the floor and curling up into the fetal position. Nausea slipping out of you slowly, eyes closed, just wanting to forget about the whole experience. What substance could even make a man react so horribly? Why would anyone make that in the first place? What purpose could a substance like that even serve? How will this even help-

“There you are,” a voice comes from above you, Dr Crane. You open one eye up, becoming flustered at your unprofessionalism, and enraged at the sight of your cruel professor.

He kneels to your height, offering you his soulless smile. “I’m sorry if that startled you, but I thought you would be better than them. I thought you could fully see my vision, look past the gruesome bits and understand what I’m trying to do here.”

His words both enrage you even further and make you feel even more embarrassed. He created a horrible substance, tested out on a man that, from what you know, didn’t deserve it, and essentially tortured him. On the other hand, this is a man who you have dreamed about and only want to please. For the past three years, you have sat in his class and dreamed about only him. For him to think that only you could understand his plans and dreams, is a flattery you could only dream of.

“Maybe I just didn’t prepare you well enough for this. Can I make it up to you?” Dr Crane asks, offering his hand to you. It takes a couple seconds, but you take it and he leads you upwards. 

His hand is oddly cold, his grip on your own hand is firm, but not harsh. His skin is smooth. It’s embarrassing that he has to lead you out of this room, has to coax you to continue.

“Let’s go to my office, hm?” Quirking an eyebrow, but not waiting for a response he led you down the hallway.

Everything seemed to blur together for you, the trip to the elevator, down the elevator, and into his office. He clicks the door shut, locking it, then turns to you. Stepping forward until he’s cornered you onto his desk.

“You think I don’t hear you at night. Calling my name. The walls in that place are very thin,” Dr Crane whispers into your ear, his hand slithering up your thigh.

A gasp escapes your lips, both at the hand now dangerously close to the warmth growing in your pants, and also because you didn’t think he would be able to hear your late night pleasure sessions. Soon he’s cupping your sex and you moan into his ear softly, earning a hum from him. Finger wander up from your sex to cup your chin, he brings you into a kiss. It’s bruising and hungry, he’s biting at your lower lip and you swear you can taste your own blood. His fingers make quick work unbuttoning your pants, sliding them down your legs until they drop to pool around your ankle.

“You're so wet already, how interesting,” He teases, tracing a finger over your clothed slit. Moaning in response you chase after his lips, but he pulls away. 

Your underwear is pushed over to the side, and his middle and ring finger breach your entrance. A loud ‘oh’ comes from your mouth, crane presses his lips to yours again to silence you. His fingers move slowly in and out of you, he catches each moan you let out with his mouth. His lips are soft, but the kiss is rough, his fingers speed up. They stretch you out so nicely it stings a little bit. It’s been so long since someone else has pleasured you, at all.

His fingers pulled out of your sex slowly, deliberately. A painstaking motion that left you close to pleasureless as he pulled out of your kiss. Quickly flipping you around and pressing you into his desk, the shock between his warm body behind you and the cold desk pressed against your front sent you spiralling. There was shuffling behind you, before you felt him lineup his cock with your cunt.

“Beg for it.” 

Your mouth opens and you spew out a string of ‘please’s and ‘need it’ that seem to satisfy him enough for him to push inside of you. He’s girthier than you expected, but not as long as you expected, which is fine for you. The stretch makes you ache and he won’t be bruising your cervix. Without giving you a moment to adjust he starts to move in and out of you.

“You have to be quiet, okay?” He says, before picking up his speed.

He sets up a consistent speed, hitting a spot inside of you that makes you grip the edge of the desk so intensely that your knuckles are turning white. The desk creaks as he moves in and out of your cunt, his breathing speeds up, one hand twists into your hair pulling your head back and you can’t tell if it’s to ground himself or as a reminder for you not to be too loud. Another hand comes to smack your ass, it's a swift hit, but it makes your knees buckle. 

“You're so much better than I thought you would be,” Dr Crane strains out between grunts.

He presses his front to your back, the hand in your hair softening its grip but not leaving. His breath tickles the back of your ear, the grunting coming from him makes you bite your lip to suppress your moans so hard there will be an indent left there tomorrow.

“Dr Crane, can I cum? Please, I’ve been so good, please let me cum,” you babble, the side of your face pressed into his desk making your words slur a little bit.

“Cum for me,” he says, moving the hand not tangled in your hair to your clit. Pressing small circles into your clit, he starts to speed up. 

Soon the pressure in your stomach releases and it goes black for a couple seconds. You feel Dr Crane’s hand press into your mouth to silence you as your legs buckle. Once you’re conscious again, he has already pulled out of you and you can hear him zip up his pants. You stand on your shaking legs and follow suit, trying to press your hair down into a more professional shape.

“I would recommend you get cleaned up,” Dr Crane says, giving you a smile, “Was that enough motivation to continue aiding me in my experiment?” “Uh- Yes,” you answer, not fully aware of what you were even saying, too embarrassed and lightheaded to even compute anything he was saying besides ‘getting cleaned up.’

“Perfect. After you get cleaned up, please meet me in room 256B. We can meet again here tomorrow during our lunch break if you continue to need the motivation provided,” He pats you on the shoulder, and leaves you in the room alone.

[itstheghostofmypast]

☆22.59☆

(College AU) Choi San x (f)Reader

Summary: Of course, they loved each other. He was obsessed with her. She, with him to some extent, but to recognise each other outside the four walls of their comfort was a 'no-no'. Perhaps because as much as they loved each other, who knew being academic rivals would be so problematic.

Genre: Hurt + Comfort

Rating: nc-17

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.9K

Est. Read Time: 13 min

Networks: @cromernet @k-labels

Banner: @cafekitsune

Epilogue: His Little Cowboy

"I'm so glad we're done with exams." He sighed, sitting down and rolling his shoudlers, before rubbing his neck and eying the food, then deciding to order another round.

"Mhmm... I was so glad to close all the tabs today. My laptop practically thanked me." Smiling, she leaned forward on her elbows, "Is this why we're having an expensive meal?"

Her words held no real malice, but an air of unease, she never liked how he'd casually spend like this, especially on her, she had done nothing to deserve this, and the constant reminder of how he'd always pay whenever it was pricey would nip at her self pride.

He paused to look at her before pouting, "No, I just wanted to treat my girl." Mumbling he moved the tray towards her, gesturing for her to start first, trying to ignore her lingering gaze, the eerie nostalgia setting in, he knew what she'd get like during exam season, extremely cynical and skeptical, to be honest he was no different- but they were finally free and perhaps he just wanted to enjoy a nice meal with her, no hidden intentions or ulterior motives, nothing to think about but each other.

"Then let's go dutch-"

"Not a chance." His abrupt words cut her off, for a split second his tone reverted back to the one she was used to, the tone he'd use back in the day, to snub her or out do her while answering, this tone was often accompanied by a scoff, the only gesture that would mildly indicate that this was but a fun little game, though she knew when the tone was all that would surface, he'd be serious, in no mood for negotiation. Fortunately,  he had barely ever used it with her, often in times of forcing her to do something good for herself, like to rest or to eat, but she'd seen him use the same tone with a few people, who were once her friends, he didn't know she was there, standing behind the wall, listening to him call out her so called friends, people who'd just use her for her work, leeching off her academics, knowing she'd be too tired to even argue or say no, or even too guilty when one of them would bring up how smart she was and that made her arrogant- she heard him that day, the crisp morning air wasn't as cold as his words,

"Your incompetence is a curse you should bear on your own. Don't drag others down in that pitiful hole of yours, especially her."

That day she had lost an entire circle of friends, at a point she wondered if it was even worth it, wondered why he even said that when a class ago he had called her 'a silly little girl' for arguing about what a Freudian slip was when she was clearly wrong, now here he was defending her honour? On the same day he had come to her, sitting next to her in the library and slipping her a coupon, initially she had thought he was insulting her- a typical bourgeoisie move, only to realise it was a coupon for a couple's meal, noticing him side eying her to read her expressions. She had turned to him, pointing at the coupon, herself and then him, and as wordlessly as she had spoken, he too nodded, pointing at himself, her and then the coupon. Something had begun to blossom between the two that day, a relationship both were too afraid to talk about, perhaps because of their on going rivalry since the beginning of their academic year, or the way they'd ignore each other until one would bother the other, or perhaps the fear of being questioned by the lingering gazes around the hallways,  the whispers the wind carried around the campus- wanting not to be part of the gust of wind, choosing to keep whatever this was hidden, a secret shared by just the two.

"I mean...I'd prefer you don't, I wanted to treat you," his argument coming out softer, as he nodded to the waiter who had entered the private section after knocking, to place another tray in front of them, "Just us and a nice meal...I haven't spent enough time with you....that's why." Clearing his throat , he avoided the way she studied him, eyes scanning each feature, every gesture, every breath he'd take, to be able to study his next more, to prepare herself. Truth be told he hated it when she'd do that, this was the first thing that irked him about her, and although he had always been gentle natured, this trait of hers would always have his ulterior ego surface, ready to claw her. It took him some time to realise that was just the face she'd make while thinking, not only at him but everyone, including her exam sheet. That did not mean that being together made it any easy for him, in fact, now he'd feel small when she'd look at him like that, he'd feel as if his sincerity was being questioned, it made him dislike himself, was he not clear enough? Was the choice of words not point to point? Maybe his tone was ooff-

"Oh...well you're right, I guess I am to blame for that, I kind of mentally blocked you out." Mumbling sheepishly she reached across the table to hold his hand, her the tips of her fingers caressing the back of his hand, noting how he visibly relaxed, "In my defense there's this annoying guy in class who thinks he's so smart-"

"Thinks?" With a scoff he laced their fingers together, leaning closer to the table to eye her, his frown morphing into his signature dimpled smile at the sound of her laughter, before he continued, adding onto the playful banter, "Last time I checked this guy beat you in the Moral Philosophy 101 quiz and assignment."

Shrugging in response she grabbed the chopsticks with her free hand, "Beginners luck. Also consequentialism sucks, you're just a utilitarian at heart, that's why you got lucky." With that verdict she began eating, earning a cackle in return, the atmosphere around them calming down once more, allowing her to relax, much to his pleasure. He had begged her to go out with him last week too, claiming that they were left with just one exam so they could relax a bit, though she had threatened to block him if he kept pestering her, which is why he had stopped spam texting her.

However, finally tonight, now that they were free he had earned the right to become her Sannie again, to roll around on her bed, messing with the sheets while she would be scrolling on her phone trying to ignore how his antics were toppling off her plushies to the floor. He'd be able to whine and complain when she'd wake him up early because the 'cafeteria is serving Yaki Udon',

"Go, they let you sneak some to your dorm, sneak some here"

"It's...6 am...let's just eat something else."

"If I had the rich boy privellage,  I'd go myself, but alas-"

"Are you really guilt tripping me for being rich?"

"No, my sweet nepo-baby I'm stating a mere fact."

"A nepo-baby would be a business major like his father, not a communication major-"

"And that's why you're my favourite boy, Sannie."

That day he got her four bowls of udon, even sneaking in the dessert Wooyoung had gotten for himself, and when asked he told Wooyoung he had eaten it, never mentioning her.

That was another issue, he had to keep his relationship a secret from his friends too, initially it was fun, the thrill and excitement would have him shivering with glee, but recently, after most of his friends now had a significant other whom they would publicly walk around with or show affection to, he had begun to wonder if she'd ever want that with him. Or were they just college sweethearts, soon to be forgotten, a bitter sweet memory plastered at the back of their minds, one to return to when times would get rough.

"What's wrong?"

Her question cutting off his thought process only for him to realise how he had just been staring at his food, while she was half way done. Clearing his throat he gave her a gentle smile, shaking his head before reaching for the soda, pouring both of them a glass. Maybe some other time, he'd ask her some other time, right now he could see how she was enjoying herself, he could see how comfortable she was with him, he had no real intentions of ruining the moment.

"Are you sure? You're making the same face you did, when you had to present last semester." Just like that he had lost all the love he had for her, no, he was dating a monster, a demon in the skin of an angel, the human embodiment of Godzilla. Eyes narrowing at her direction he scoffed, leaning back to take off his jacket, before responding with a taunt, "Says the person who forgot the meaning of utility while presenting".

With a gasp she placed her hand on her heart,  staring at him in faux shock, "You fiend, that's because I'm a Kant girlie at heart."

"So...you don't think the ends justify the means?" He asked cautiously, though not of her feelings, but of the risk of his own fragile heart, too afraid to let it slip out of her grasp and shatter.

"The ends, never justify the means, Sannie."  She smiled, staring at him only for it to drop when she noticed him frown at his plate, slowly nodding as he looked up at her, "Yeah...I guess..."

"What's...wrong, something has been bothering you since we came here." She sighed pushing her plate aside, watching him take out his buzzing phone, choosing to stare at the phone rather than him.

"Nothing."

His blunt response nipping at her insecurities, what did she do? Should she not have said that? Did she offend him? Was he going to leave her now? They were in their final year anyway, the time spent together was supposed to come to an end and as much as she wanted to cling onto the false hope of him somehow spending the rest of his life together with her, she knew that was but a wish, reality was far too bitter, far too grim, leaving the two to wonder when they'd become a distant memory.

"Okay."

There it was, his eyes flickered up to scan her face, that defeated look she'd hold when she'd give up, why would she never fight for him? Why didn't she pester him to finish his statement, why didn't she cling onto him, pulling him closer even though he knew he'd run to her at any given moment, he was only waiting for the signal, waiting for her to say the word. Maybe Wooyoung was right, this was just a fun arrangement for the two, a temporary one, which is why Hongjoong had asked him to confront her, but he didn't want to, yet, here he was by choosing to not confront her he had somehow made it worse.

Visibly flinching under his glare she averted her gaze, clearing her throat, playing with her fingers as she stared at her lap aimlessly, so what now?

"What about us?" His words a gentle whisper as he put his phone on the table beside his plate, hunching forward to get a better look at her face, "Does our end justify our means?"

Her head snapped up in his direction, the burning sensation of the flood of tears at the brink of falling, she could feel the fat droplets clinging to her lower lashes, chewing on her lower lip as she tried to compose herself, "Which end...Sannie, the one where we say goodbye?"

His frown only deepened at her question, taking in her shaking form, pinching himself as he tried ro remain rooted to his spot. Seonghwa had told him to listen to her, to comfort and console her because women need time to process and cope, especially someone like her, but then Hongjoong's persistent 'What if she really is with you for the ride',  kept bothering him, what if he were right, but at the back of his mind, this little voice was yelling at him, telling him how that was not true, how he'd seen her take care of him, how he'd felt her love for him; from when she'd slip in her extra notes in his bag for him to study to when she'd slip in a few packets of mint oreo in his bag as a treat. He knew they were more than just a fling, or at least he would like to believe that.

"Do you ... want us to?" His words as soft as the first time he had confessed to her, making her feel even more nauseous than before, though with a gulp she held it back before shaking her head and mumbling a, "No...do you?"

Shaking his head, much like her he sighed before staring aimlessly at her, "Then...why won't you fight for me?" This was less of a question, but more of a whine, a plea, one that had her finally snap.

Her sniff having him focus on her, watching her bring up her hands to cover her face, as she hunched over, making sure he couldn't see her cry, a trait that bothered him, he'd barely ever see her breakdown, even during the stressful exam season, she'd lock herself in the washroom and let it out, while he'd either wait outside the washroom (if he was lucky enough for her to let him into her dormroom) or like most exam seasons he'd be at his own dorm, trying to call her or text her.

"Why can't our end be happy?" He mumbled, finally choosing to get up and  walk around the table and to her, glad he had reserved a closed off private section. Sighing he reached for her, gently gripping her wrists as he pulled her hands off her face, ignoring her whines and protest, "Tell me, why do you think we can't have a happy end?" Pulling her up to wrap his arms around her, letting her fist his shirt, soaking it with her tears, sobbing out a, "Because our means of doing so aren't good."

Pulling her back he stared at her, gripping her shoulders, "What do you mean? Do you not want to keep it a secret anymore?"

"I never wanted to keep it a secret, at least I dont want to anymore." She mumbled trying to hide in his embrace once more but he pulled her back again, much to her disappointment as he tried to read her, "I just thought...your image and...I...maybe you didn't want to tell anyone."

By now he had sat her back down leaning against the table as he looked at her, holding onto her hand, his thumbs caressing the back of her hand, listening to her, raising his eyebrows, "No..." he sighed before gently smiling at her, "I've been dropping hints for a while now. My last hint was what led the guys to pick up on the fact that we are together."

So his friends knew?

"Do they think I'm weird?" She whispered, trying to pull away her hand but he held onto her tighter, shaking his head and letting out a laugh, "If anything they thought I tricked you into dating me...Wooyoung didn't even believe me until he saw our pictures." He smiled at her, the memory of his friends accusing him for lying, making it even funnier, "Yeosang said he could tell you're into dumb guys."

"Well, you are dumb. There's no doubt about that." She mumbled, standing up and moving closer, so she was standing between his legs. Cupping his face, she smiled when he glared at her. The eerie sensation that was once slithering in her veins long gone, "I don't remember a single hint, though."

"How?" He whined, pouting at her, leaning into her touch, closing his eyes as he basked in the attention,  the same attention he knew he would recieve publically from now on, there would be nothing holding them back, not her toxic friends, those who stared or whispered, in fact his friends would just support them, perhaps she needed such a support system too, would be good for her, "Yesterday after the exam I called you out, I said see you tomorrow babe."

"Thought that was a Freudian slip."

"Oh, so now you know what a Freudian slip is?" His eyes snapped open, brows furrowing at her smug expression, hissing when she squeezed his cheeks together, only to pull back when he wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight until she was wheezing out apologies. Giving him a proper hug once he eased down on her, she sighed, pressing her forehead against his,"I really do like you, Sannie."

"I like you too." He smiled, feeling her brush her lips against his, whispering against her lips, only his next statement had him feeling her stiffen and possibly struggle against him but he held her tight, not wanting to be smacked, "They updated the marksheet, I scored higher than you in Moral Philosophy....again...sorry babe." Followed by his boisterous laughter and her whining to let him go, greatly ruining the moment.

A/N: I had to get this out of my system okay- my exams just finished. The next update ya'll will see will be of Meow Chapter 4

Taglist: @edenesth @yessa-vie @marsvillee @spooo00oky @the-kpop-simp @mlysalt

[arielleslipgloss]

hii arielle! so now that is summer i would love to rest and take a long break but also keep my days productive, like having a good morning and night routine as well as doing chores and feeling motivated enough to do them, etc, but i'm literally always mophing around feeling really down. what would you recommend for that?

have a great summer!! from a pinterest girlblogger <3

Ahhh hiii love!! Tysm for asking this 💗

Summer Lifestyle

“I don’t chase, I attract. What’s mean’t for me will simply find me.” - Kendall Jenner

Routines!! Your morning and night will impact your summer A LOT. Just in general, having routines will impact your life. If you don’t have a set routine it’ll be hard to stay productive. So, make sure your routine(s) are always adjusted to your schedule. Whether that means time for chores, exercise, or your hobbies. Just try your best to fit it in. Also, try not to overpack your routines with loads of stuff. Making your routines too long could make you unmotivated throughout the day. So try to keep your routines short. That way you don’t rush everything on your to do list. Also, having a short & flexible routine will let you have more freedom throughout the day. For example, maybe you forgot to do a chore from yesterday? Well, with a flexible routine you should be able to do that chore. Without having loads of stuff to do on top of that.

2. Self care days!! Summer is the season to REST! No more stressing over exams and no more drama. It’s time to take a step back and rest. Meaning, take time to care for yourself. Do your nails, skincare, steam your face, make yummy food, watch a movie, romanticize summer, journal, read, develop new hobbies, take a everything shower, spend time in nature, etc. Whatever you can do to refresh your mind, I’d do! Even if that sometimes means rotting in bed. If you’ve been stressed out DEFINITELY take time to, rot in bed, spend time in nature, watch a bunch of movies with popcorn, etc.

3. Make a list of activities to do!! Me personally, I love making bucket lists. For example, this summer I wanted to go blueberry picking, get baptized, go golfing, make lots of flower bouquets, etc. I always like to make bucket lists for different seasons. Especially bucket lists for summer. That way I’m not bored 24/7. It’s like a fun adventure that I do every year. So, I would definitely recommend making bucket lists. It’s the perfect way to stay occupied with different activities. Or if you don’t want to make a bucket list, try new hobbies. You can simply list things you are interested in doing right in your notes app. Then do them whenever you want!!

4. Practice self love!! Doll, it’s summer! We shouldn’t be down bad crying at the gym. We got love to give ourselves!! It’s time to acknowledge how wonderful you are. 2 Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” We all were created beautifully and with care!! There’s no reason why we shouldn’t love ourselves.

5. Motivation!! Unfortunately we aren’t always going to feel motivated. Which is why I constantly will tell you dolls to work on having discipline. It’s something we will all struggle with time-to-time. However, we have to push through and do whatever we have to do anyways. Pushing through may even help you become motivated. But just because it’s difficult in the moment, doesn’t mean it will be difficult forever. So, keep a positive mindset and keep going!! You got this doll! 💗

6. Get off your phone and go in nature!! I know, I know you dolls probably don’t like to hear it, but seriously. We spend so much time on our phones. Our dopamine levels are probably through the roof. So, take time to slow down and go out in nature. Maybe all you do is run away from bugs, people watch, read a book, or pick dandelions. However you spend time in nature, make sure you actually breathe. Take time to look around. Romanticize those moments that you run away from bugs or read a book.

“You can help as many people as you want but you also have to remember to check in on yourself.” - Kendall Jenner

Love you dolls!! Remember to enjoy all moments in your life 💗

Xoxo, Arielle 💋🎀

[kasagia]

Can you give us a little sneak peak for the next part

My twodear anonymous and @hanadays1234, thank you so much! 😊🖤🩵

Yes, I can. And since I wrote all my exams, I only focus on writing. 🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵

Nope 🤭🙈 🩵🖤🖤🩵

24.05 Friday or 27.05 Monday. (I have nothing written except what I will give you right now)

Also, who binge watched Bridgerton season 3 and now get inspiration for the new series (for Feyd, I showed you once) instead on focus on the Right Hand? 🤡🙈

Anyway... sneak peak:

Feyd rarely felt pain he didn't like. The years spent on Giedi Prime—or rather, years of enduring his uncle's methods of making him a true Harkonnen, his worthy successor—made Feyd love pain. He found pleasure in it—something he had to learn if he wanted to survive.

But it didn't bring him any satisfaction or pleasure when you pierced his chest with one of his swords. He feels pure pain. Anger, betrayal, and hurt.

He hates the way he falls limply to his knees in front of you. He hates that he still looks at you like you're a saint. He hates that he hopes you'll at least look him in the eyes, as if that would bring him some kind of salvation. He hates how lost he feels now and how he's slowly losing awareness of his surroundings. He hates that even though you stabbed him, all he can do is stare at you, clinging to the sight of you more than to his life.

"This will be the beginning of a wonderful alliance, Lady Y/N."

He feels you unhook your poisoned dagger from his arm. Feyd thinks you're doing it to finish him off. Poetically kill him with the weapon he gave you. He closes his eyes and waits for the final stab or throat slit. But nothing like that happens. He doesn't have the strength to turn around and see exactly what you're doing, but your words alone are enough for him to imagine the scene that is happening behind him.

"I may not be a Harkonnen, but I've picked up a few of their habits. If you want an agreement between us, show me your hand." After your words, he can hear a hiss from Atreides when you plunge the dagger into your joined hands, piercing them both through.

Feyd would have laughed mockingly if he hadn't spent all his energy on breathing slowly. He remembered explaining to you how contracts, such as arranged marriages, were sealed on Giedi Prime. The Harkonnens shook hands and pierced them with swords, thus signing a blood pact. This also applied to marriages and other such things. Blood bound them stronger than any words or signatures on paper. He cursed himself for the fact that, seeing your scared face at his words, he withdrew from this idea and decided to make a verbal agreement between you. He should be the one to bind you with his blood, not Atreides.

The steel in his body rubs against his lower ribs, but it does not damage any major organs. He tries to keep the sword in the exact same position you stuck it in, but he feels like he's going to faint from all the pain, the blood, and the fear for you that he feels now.

You made him so weak that even after you stabbed him, all he could think about was your safety and your well-being. Every shaky breath he took, every slow beat of his heart as he fought to stay conscious—it was all for you.

He just hoped like hell that you weren't lying a few moments ago, that this would all turn out to be just one of your games, and that you would soon end Atreides' life. But it's not like that.

"Let this blood be a symbol of our union." Your sweet, dangerous whisper reaches Feyd's ears.

He's raging with powerlessness and anger. That Atreides dog didn't deserve to mix his blood with yours. Only Feyd should be able to do this. Only his black blood should merge with your crimson, staining your joined hands as you swore allegiance to each other. His heart hurts more than the wound you gave him as he imagine how you and this desert rat are now echanging each other's blood.

If he hadn't been placed in such a vulnerable state by you, he would have ripped Atreides' heart out with his bare hands for daring to mix his blood with yours. A cold shiver runs down his spine at the thought of Atreides connecting with you in yet another way. A way Feyd was robbed too many times.

He tries to get up, but he doesn't have enough strength. All he can do is place his hands on the floor, trying to take the weight off his torso. The blade scratching his flesh bothers him much less than the fact that Atreides has the nerve to touch you or that you're blatantly ignoring him while playing whatever game you're playing right now.

"Leave him to me. I want… to repay him for all these years of fulfilling his wishes."

(...)

[forthelostones]

𝚙𝚝.𝚜𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗 ; 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚎𝚢𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 ─── ⋆

⟡⋆˙୨ᥫ᭡. 𝚗𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝚊𝚞 - 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎!𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚡 𝚏𝚎𝚖!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 ᥫ᭡.୧⋆˙⟡

synopsis: abby was a woman whose presence was becoming deeply irresistible to you. in your final year of nursing school, you toil with the idea of pursuing her — ruin what you have or enjoy what’s in front of you?

warnings. 18+ (mdni); sub!abby, domsub!abby, sexual themes, jealousy, fluff, nickname: dummy, and modern au - pre-established relation.

an: hi everyone, i appreciate you all sooo soo much. happy friday... i am taking a break to focus on my own personal writing!!! so, sorry for the wait, I wanted this to be good and satisfying.

palestinians still need e-sims!!! click the link to figure out how you can donate.

(no y/n)

wc: 3.6k

Monday morning came with a vengeance, collecting you and Abby swiftly. You had been staying in her apartment since you returned home and had no complaints. Abby was always awake before you, getting ready for her day at 4:00 am, no matter if it’s clinical or lectures, her routine remains the same. Although it seemed insane, she thought you were silly for not doing it her way.

She’d roll over, squeeze your lower belly with her forearm, and cradle you into her body. Her nose was tucked in the crease between your shoulder and jaw. This happened around 3:50 am just before her clock sounded, with her small snores tickling you out of your dreamscape. Abby slept with a white noise machine, black-out curtains, a fan on the lowest setting, and a mouthguard. Her tepid body soothed you into the deepest sleep you had ever gotten. The blend of her honey shampoo and vanilla-pine body wash was intoxicating. Something about her presence allowed you to relax and feel protected — it was more than a feeling but a simple truth that Abby would protect you. 

“Good morning, baby.” She groaned, words slurring a bit. 

You reply with a drowsy, mumbly string of words. 

Abby scooted down to the edge of the bed and slid her feet into her thin, black house slippers. She shuffled her feet against the hardwood and opened the door, revealing a black hole in the living space. Abby’s routine has been solid no matter what season of her life she was in. Early mornings lead to successful days and those days lead to a fulfilling life. She had many admirable traits that you hoped to rub off on you soon. 

“Hey, come on. It’s time to get up.” She said, placing her hand on your cheek, wrapped in a towel after her morning shower. 

“Abby.” You groan. 

“Listen, it’s breakfast time, you need to get up, my love.” 

Her 'my love' squeezed at the deepest parts of you. Tossing you into a whirlwind of unknown emotions that put a sense of fear into your bones. Her thumb began to caress your brow awakening you to reality. She leans down and kisses your forehead, her wet hair dripping onto the duvet. After stretching, you met her in the bathroom where she was blow-drying her hair. Although the sink was not large, she found space for your toothbrush on the porcelain. 

“How should I do my hair?” She asked.

“Why don’t you wear it down? It’ll look really pretty.” You smile, covering the bristles with Abby’s expensive whitening toothpaste. 

She ran her fingers through the strands and frowned. “I need a haircut. I’ll keep it braided. Could you give me a haircut later tonight?” 

Abby’s icy iris’ shimmered sincerely into yours with a quiet desperation you can attribute to domestication and commitment. You leaned in, mouth minty, and kissed her softly. 

“Of course, Abs.” 

All nursing students were called into a meeting to discuss the next steps of their career post-grad, which meant passing a HESI exam before the NCLEX. You and Abby arrived at the hall filled with all your peers with matching strawberry protein smoothies. Abby insisted on taking your bag and holding it as you got settled, a sweet gesture that made you shrink once you noticed the other bodies in the room. 

“When you go to the library, make sure to give the librarians your assigned access code. HESI books are not cheap! If you want additional materials see me later. Anderson?” 

You turn your head to see Abby’s hand raised, a curious look glazed on her face. “So, are their online resources as well that are paid for through our tuition?” She asked. 

“No. But like I said I will gladly see you after.” 

Abby shook her head and leaned over to you. “Bet these books are from the ninety’s.” 

You smiled at her and gently placed your hand on her knee. Her mouth tightened into a smirk. The info session ended and you and Abby had to part ways for the hour-long break between classes. She leaned in with her lips puckered, ready to embrace you. She sensed your reluctance. 

“If you’d prefer no PDA, let me know.” She whispered. 

You look over your shoulder to the students milling about the building with their faces locked to their phones. No one was looking because no one cared. 

“No, it’s fine,” You mutter, planting a kiss on her lips. 

“I’m going to the gym, I’ll see you or… you can always work out with me?” She said, pulling away. 

“Let me think about it.” 

Abby was getting weary of your indecisiveness. 

She grins and walks away, leaving you empty, like you did something wrong. It made you question how could someone be so sure about something they never experienced themselves. Commitment wasn’t a common feature of Abby’s life. Her lack of relationships — you would think — should deter her from jumping into anything too quickly. But was it quick to her or just quick to you? You realize you’ve been standing in the same spot for too long and need to be productive with this break. 

how was your holiday? 

haven't heard from you. 

You cringe at the second message because it's true, you two haven’t talked at all since Abby’s meltdown. That night Ellie took you to her place and consoled you. She may have appeared intimidating the night of the house party but there’s another side of her that’s so loving and forgiving — people didn't expect that from her, and neither did you. 

“Listen, she just needs some time to cool down. I’m sure it’ll be fine. You need to take care of yourself too.” She said, brushing her knuckles on your burning cheek. 

You turned towards Ellie and kissed her gently, melding into her mouth, the salt of your tears glazing her top lip. It felt right in the moment, a distraction. Ellie’s hands came up to your shoulders and enveloped you in a hug. Your hearts vibrated against each other, nursing more tears out of you. “Ellie, I’m sorry—”

“No, none of this is your fault, it’s okay love,” 

Her palms rustled against the fabric of your top, warm and firm. You sigh gently into her neck, making Ellie ache for you. You lift your chin from the crook of her neck and press your lips onto the length of her throat. Her skin was syrupy-sweet, glazing your tongue with the taste of her. Suddenly, her waist was in your hands, and your thumbs were tucked into her waistband, massaging her hipbones. 

“You want me to help you forget her?” Ellie suggested, tongue clacking in your ear.  

Ellie spread you out on her bed, body under the lights still bruised from the night you and Abby had, serving as the reminder she intended it to be in the first place. The way Ellie’s eyes widened as she crouched at the edge of the bed while between your thighs made you shiver. She ran her fingers up and down your thighs, manipulating your curves, grabbing at the places she wanted her lips the most. You struggled under the woman’s grip, fighting the restraints she put on your hands, arms above your head, and wrists tied together with black silk scarves. 

The red lights around the perimeter of her ceiling illuminated only the darkest parts of her. The outline of her short, brown hair and broad shoulders dipped downwards to plant a kiss on your belly. You bit your lip to stifle your moans. Her thumb played with the slick between your lips, the pressure waning when she came close to your stiff clit. 

“Do you want me to make you cum?” 

“Yes.” You mumbled. 

“Okay, beautiful, don’t worry, just relax, okay?” 

Ellie worked you for every last drop. You could barely hold yourself up in the shower as your knees trembled underneath you. She insisted that you shouldn’t bother putting on clothes as you dropped the towel from your body. Her tatted hand tapped the mattress as you crawled over to her. The woman’s body was sculpted and enticing, flourishing with sex. You cup her petite breasts and place your mouth on her nipple as you spread your legs over her thigh. 

“Your flight…” She winched. 

“What about it?” You sucked. 

“It’s… early and it’s… late.” 

“Okay, I’ll stop.” 

Ellie frowned and licked her lips. 

“Too bad, I’m already soaked.” She said, spreading her legs open and curving her fingers inside. 

She moans your name, stretching her hole out on her two middle fingers. Her back arched as she worked her dripping pussy like she was alone. The sight alone made your entire body fiery. Her body slithered on the sheets as she increased the speed. 

You spread your fingers onto Ellie’s thigh, and she flicked your hand away. “You don’t get to touch me now, just be pretty and watch, okay?” She grunts. 

As the memories played in your mind, you sat on a bench outside the building, on the quad, legs crossed tightly, your thumbs pondering a reply to type. The wind blew a chill against the sensitive skin on your ears, burning them, “Hey.” 

Ellie’s face was freckled with light cracking through the clouds. She sat down next to you, hair tucked away in a black knit hat, and wearing a premature glare. 

“Hi.” You whisper.

She peered down at your phone, and the corner of her mouth lifted. 

“I saw you when I was coming out of the Technology building. You looked cold.” She chuckled awkwardly to fill the silence. 

“Ellie,” You start. “I'm sorry I didn’t text you or call.” 

“I see what this is.” She takes your hands into hers and blows warm air into the cup of your hands. 

“You do?” 

“I fall hard and fast and it’s something I have an issue with. Maybe I scared you into something you weren’t ready for, I do that. I liked you a lot, and I wanted this to go further but I can’t keep putting myself in the position to be more for you than you are for me.” 

You just nod as she lays a kiss on your cheek. 

“I understand.” You reply. 

Abby wiped the water from her mouth as she sipped out of her canteen. She noticed Ellie as she walked across an empty lawn, trekking towards you. She stopped in her tracks and watched as Ellie kissed you, her fist slowly curling into itself. The contact of her mouth on your body of any kind was the deepest betrayal she’d ever felt. The feeling of inadequacy pulsed through her as she watched the brunette slowly creep away, peering over her shoulder. Abby never fought, but the image of tackling Ellie to the ground was vivid in her mind. 

In the car ride home, Abby played music over the impermeable silence in the car, something she never did. Her thumbs pressed into the steering wheel with a tightness that could snap it into two. The routine felt different as she placed her bag on the floor and kicked her shoes off aggressively. She made an intentional mess, a display of how she was feeling inside.  

“How was your break?” She asked.

“What?” You quirk.

“The hour break we had. How was it?” She used her fingers to brush her locks to undo her braid. 

“Fine, how was your workout?” 

“Really good, finished early and saw you and Ellie keeping each other warm.” 

Her hands were on her hips, patiently awaiting an answer. You take your coat off, set your bag down, and walk over to her causing her to step away from you. “Don’t touch me.” She spat, holding her hands parallel to your chest. 

“Abby, it wasn’t what you think,” 

She raised her brow as to say, continue. 

“We broke it off. It’s done.” 

Her face relaxed slightly. 

“You and Ellie are done?” 

“It’s over Abby.” You wrap your arms around her waist and kiss her with a deep tenderness that makes her knees wobble. 

“It’s over, but she kissed you?” Abby felt the need to overshadow her blatant embarrassment.

She tugged her lip into her teeth and smiled. 

“I wasn’t expecting it. I think it was a friendly goodbye.”

“I should’ve been direct with you.” She admitted. 

“Yes, you’re right, you should have. But I should’ve told you immediately when I saw you before class.” 

She kissed your forehead, “Can you still help me cut my hair?” 

Abby pulled a chair from the dining room table and wrapped an old towel around her neck. She trusted you enough with the shears near her beautiful hair. Before she sat down, she placed the bands where she wanted her hair cut. It wasn't a lot off, but just enough. 

Abby wasn’t used to being taken care of. She felt an overwhelming sense of elation. The mixing of her emotions felt confusing yet so clear. When you finished cutting and brushing her scalp, all she could do was smile. “Would you like for me to wash it?”

Abby turned to you and scoffed, eyes wide with disbelief. “You don’t have to, you know that, right?” 

“I know, but I want to.” You kiss her forehead, and she closes her eyes, savoring the moment.

Abby bent over the tub in the bathroom as you removed the shower head and wet her scalp. The sweet, honey shampoo suds coaxed her freshly chopped hair, and Abby hummed pleasurably with every scratch. 

“You okay my dear?” You asked. 

“Yes, ” She replied with a smile you could hear.

I’m her dear, Abby thought. She was going to explode at the words alone, but she had to calm her beating heart. She was wondering if she’s pressuring you into commitment too quickly with no warning. But she couldn’t help it, everything about you made her fall deeper every day. You rinsed out the remaining product put a towel around her hairline, and pat her strands dry. 

“Ready for your conditioner?” You say, squeezing a glob into your palm. 

With Abby’s back against the tub, she just peered up at you, eyebrows damp, practically floating in the shine of you. “Abby?” You laugh. 

“Oh yes, yes?” 

“Why are you looking like that? Did I cut it too short?” You say, reaching for her ends.

“No, it’s perfect. You’re perfect. Why are you doing this?” 

“Helping with your hair?” You snort. 

“Not just this, everything…”

You shake your head and begin to apply the conditioner tip to the root. 

“I’m serious.” 

“Is it a crime to treat the woman I like soo much?” 

It was on the tip of her tongue. She didn’t just like you, she thinks she loves you. 

“It’s not.” She shrugs. 

“Let me take care of you. You deserve it, Abby.” 

“I don’t. I really don’t.” A silent slip from her subconscious leaked, and moments like that didn’t happen with Abby. Her eyes fell toward the titled floor. You lifted her chin with your slippery hand, leaving a splotch on her chin, making her giggle. 

“I’m not even going to reply to you.” You reply, dabbing her chin with the towel. 

“Why do you like me?” 

Abby sunk into the floor with her arms around her legs, pulling them closer to her chest. You crossed your legs and laid in the v-shape where her knees connected. “Who said I liked you at all Anderson?” You kid. 

She scuffs and hides her face with her hands. “That was a dumb question wasn’t it?” 

“No, because I do like you. I like that you’re so precise with everything. But other than that, I love how curious you are about the small things and how that impacts your attention to detail. These past few days, I noticed how you would throw my clothes in the dryer just before I wake up so they’re warm when I’m ready to go. You always take my bag to let up on any extra weight I put on myself, not just physically but mentally too. Rubbing my back until I sleep, soothing me. I love that, Abby.”

Abby knew her face was turning bright red, and she couldn’t hide it. 

“You know that, right? Abby? You make me feel safe.” You add. 

“I didn’t know that. I kind of think I’m putting a lot on you.” 

You begin brushing the product through her hair in sections. 

“It can feel like that sometimes when you spend most of your days with each other.” 

“I can’t show my feelings in other ways than taking care of you. I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you sorry? Abby, are you listening to what I’m saying?” 

She just shakes her head, leaving you wondering what’s going on through that mind of hers.

“Abby. Talk to me.” You beg. 

“I like you, I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone before and the feelings are strong and unfamiliar. The sex just intensifies it, y'know. I want to take care of you, make sure you’re happy and overall content with our lives together.” 

A string tugged in the lowest pit of your belly. 

“But Abby, you do know I want that for you too?” 

She retreated into herself, trying to shrink further into the floor. “Part of me wants that too and another part wants to accept it. It’s hard for me to receive it,” Abby felt reluctant to continue. “I don’t know.” 

“What were you about to say?” 

“Nothing..”

“Abby, please,”

“My whole life, well,” Her voice cracked. “I had to take care of myself. My parents — I never knew them well like I should have. Of course, up until I was maybe six my mom was around and my dad would always be working. I spent a lot of time on my own and I made sure I had to be the best at everything since that’s all I really had, being the best. Other than school, I picked up wrestling, Model UN, and Student Council, and I ran the Debate Team, I occupied so much of my time to distract from the fact that I felt so empty. Like I was searching for their love in other places.” 

Her hair clung to the sides of her face, and suddenly she appeared younger, like that little girl searching for love that would fill her up. Your chest became heavy with apparent sadness. You wiped your hands on the towel around her neck and brought your hand to her chin. 

“Do you feel like that with me?” 

“Anything but…” She grinned lightly. 

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.” 

“Yea?” 

“I like you, Abby. Just for you, even if you flunk out of school, lose this brain, this hair, and this perfect body, if you wanted to lose the parts of you that you think make you who you are, I would still see you as I always do. Please believe me when I say that.” 

Abby felt a tightening in her throat, your words made her feelings bubble over the edge of the pot called her heart. Her eyelids kissed, and a rolling tear tapped onto the back of her palm. She needed a moment, to herself, to let your words marinate in her mind. 

“It’s hard—”

“I know,” You shushed her and kissed her cheek. “Let’s get this conditioner out.” 

Abby stood in front of the mirror blowing her hair dry in her sports bra and a pair of cotton shorts hanging from her hips. Her face was stuck with a grimace that you wished to wipe from her face. You hug her waist, tugging her abs into your arms coating yourself in the dampness of her bra. 

“It looks great. Thank you,” She said, turning off the dryer. 

“Quit nursing school to do cosmetology?” 

“I’ll support you.” Her eyes narrowed before kissing you, and it felt different like all her desires from the beginning were crashing into you. A frantic gasp left her mouth while your lips wrapped around her tongue. Abby burned with an urgency that you couldn’t quite keep up with. Her chest puffs into yours, fighting for dominance and itching for more of your embrace. Abby leans down to brush her palm up the sides of your thighs, hoisting you into her arms onto her waist. You knew she could throw you any way she wanted, but it became real as you wrapped your legs around her body. You raise your hands to the sides of her face, forcing her deeper into the warmth of your mouth. The thin road of your lounge shorts became saturated with excitement. 

Although Abby yearned for you, she was sweet and supple, taking a fluid approach to her desires. She bit the bottom of your lip and sucked on the pink cushion. Her fingers explored the softest places she wanted to bite and bruise. She cupped your ass, pinching it with every lap of her tongue. Abby was levitating above this plane that you both existed on and merging onto a new one where only you two existed. She didn’t want to stop kissing you, feeling the weight of you in her arms this way and when you moved away slightly she frowned. 

She noticed your chest heaving, full of eagerness. 

“Abby, the HESI exam…” You carp in between the blonde’s kisses trailing your neck. 

“I know baby,” She buzzed on your skin, fully aware of her routine of studying, bathing, then bed. 

Abby knew school was her main priority, but in her heart, there was a shift to what the order of things in her life would soon become.

[sapphic-agent]

Let's Talk About Izuku Midoriya

As most of you know, Izuku is my favorite character in the show. But dismissing my bias for a second, there are a lot of issues with his character. Mainly, how it's handled within the story and the negative affect it tends to have on the overall plot.

What I think really dampens Izuku's character is a lack of depth. Fellow Izu fans hold your fire... let me finish.

The lack of depth wasn't always a problem. In season 1, he tends to have a lot of lines that indicate complex emotions. When he's walking home after Bakugou's suicide-baiting, he shows at least a little contempt for what was said even if he tries not to take it to heart. Hell, even during the suicide baiting itself, he reacts with anger and intends to stand up to Bakugou even if he is forced into silence by fear. During the bus ride to the USJ, Kaminari and Asui are (rightfully) observing that Bakugou is a dick and Izuku is surprised at the swap in their roles. In the Battle Trials, he's guilty when Bakugou accuses him of purposely hiding his quirk, but also confronts and outsmarts him, knowing that beating Bakugou (standing up to him) is the only way he can even start to become a hero.

(This is evidence that at some point Izuku was aware that Bakugou's actions weren't alright and wanted to condemn them, he just didn't have the strength or confidence to go through with it. This entirely disappears later in the series with no reconciliation of those feelings)

We don't get many scenes like this later on. Izuku takes Bakugou's insults and attacks with no reaction or just a nervous one. And we never, ever see him attempt to stand up for himself against him.

And no, I don't count Deku vs Kacchan Part 2. Izuku was practically forced to defend himself as Bakugou would have attacked him either way, and his entire role in the fight is going on and on about his admiration for Bakugou. Izuku isn't standing up to Bakugou, he's being placed in a situation where he's forced to help develop him. The entire episode is solely for Bakugou's benefit while shoving Izuku into a corner.

But even taking a step away from Bakugou for a minute, Izuku also becomes more one dimensional in regards to Uraraka.

I've said this before answering an ask, but in the beginning of the show Izuku was the one who was attracted to Uraraka. He was flustered by her kindness and reacted bashfully to her hero suit. And for some reason this... goes away. The last time he gets even slightly embarrassed around her is the licensing exam when she appears jealous of Camie (Toga). Not only that, it feels like all of that transferred to Uraraka. She was the one who ended up becoming bashful and flushed and embarrassed, which would make sense if Izuku's feelings didn't almost entire disappear. It does both their characters a disservice; Uraraka is reduced to a more one-dimensional love interest (don't @ me for this, she has her moments and I love her) and Izuku loses another aspect of his character.

I would even say this is present with Todoroki on some level. Izuku was supposed to be his first real friend and they barely interact. Which is even worse considering they're both part of the "main trio." It would have been so easy to play them off of one another since they're supposedly best friends and should be the closest two in that trio. Their friendship was one of the starting points of the entire series and their connection is an integral part of both their characters. Yet they both interact more with Bakugou than one another.

(For comparison, look at Bakugou and Kirishima. They're in a multitude of scenes together and we see how their relationship develops over time. We see their companionship and how Bakugou comes to trust and rely on him. We don't get anywhere close to that with Izuku and Todoroki.)

Over the seasons/volumes (whichever you consume), Horikoshi has dumbed Izuku's character down to crying, defending others, and being self-sacrificing. And these aren't inherently bad traits for a main character, but they weren't all he had in the beginning. He had more personality and he had stronger feelings. Taking that away from him cheapened his character.

Another failing of Izuku's character is how him being quirkless is blatantly ignored by the series.

This was an integral part of his character. It's what separated him from the vast majority of people in the show. It destroyed the only dream he ever had. He was discriminated against for it. It defined his entire existence for the first fourteen years of his life.

And it's never talked about.

Okay, I shouldn't say that. It is used to draw parallels between him and Shinsou (and Aoyama later on). But other than that, Izuku really doesn't acknowledge it. For someone who would grapple with not being good enough for OFA, him not really dwelling on being quirkless is odd.

In a series about the corruption of society, it's strange that the discrimination the main character faced from that society isn't talked about. In fact, outside of Melissa (she's legit the only character who was born quirkless and stayed quirkless, everyone else who's listed quirkless had their quirks taken away or received a quirk later), the series doesn't really introduce quirkless people at all even though they make up 20% of the population (and that isn't a small number by any means, that would be 1.6 billion people in 2023).

Yet this issue that was very present in the beginning of the show is just... swept under the rug. Like everything Izuku went through because of it just doesn't matter. A four year old came to the realization that he was beneath his peers by society's standards, but Izuku just doesn't talk or think about it ever again.

It not only ignores the very real trauma and struggle the main character went through, it also shuns a very important piece of world building. Having Izuku born quirkless was the perfect way to introduce this problem with society. But no, other than his dream being ruined and Bakugou's bullying, Izuku doesn't struggle with this in any other way. We only have vague implications of what he went through growing up quirkless so we can't imagine what it's like for the other 1.6 billion people.

This ties into his lack of depth, but a lot of the time it feels like Izuku's only relevance is to be a prop for other characters. Bakugou is obviously the main one and I went over this in the apology analysis. But Izuku doesn't respond to his apology in any way, we never get to see his thinking or how he was affected, and then he faints at the end. Izuku is a puppet in place to further Bakugou's development. This is also present in Deku vs Kacchan Part 2; all his thoughts are centered around admitting Bakugou and propping him up.

As much as I hate it, it somewhat makes sense for Bakugou. But it's utter insanity that this is extended to Endeavor as well.

Back during the Sports Festival, Izuku displayed disdain for Endeavor. He was aware of what an awful person he was and how he hurt Todoroki. Yet for some reason he then tells Todoroki that he thinks he's ready to forgive him.

This is completely out of character for Izuku. For one, he never inserts himself into others' business unless it's to defend them. And up until that point he hadn't said a word about Endeavor; not to comfort Todoroki and not to abhor his actions. So why in the world would the first thing out of his mouth about him be that Todoroki seems ready to forgive him?

It's almost like he's acting as a mouthpiece for Horikoshi, indirectly telling the audience that Todoroki no longer holds any resentment for Endeavor. Izuku's relevance in this scene as Todoroki's best friend should not have been to assume that he's ready to forgive his abuser.

He also verbally defends Endeavor against Dabi. Even though he knows how abusive and neglectful Endeavor was to his children. Condoning Endeavor while disparaging Dabi makes no sense for Izuku's character. He was defending Shoto too which makes sense, but there was no reason to add Endeavor into that. Just because Endeavor was his mentor (for like three weeks if that) doesn't erase what he's done.

To make Izuku ignorant of this was a slap to the face of his entire character.

Even in his own major arc, Izuku gets the shaft. Dark Deku was a major let down because there was hardly a deeper dive into his character. He was on his own with the past OFA holders for weeks and we barely see him talk to them. Him cutting contact with Toshinori when we didn't even get to see them interact much made no sense (Toshi didn't even try to find him afterwards which was so out of character). The top 3 heroes allowed him- a fifteen year old student- to run on his own without even trying to talk him out of it.

And what's supposed to be an honest attempt to get him to come back and trust him turned into 1A a) physically attacking and ganging up on him and b) allowing Bakugou to goad and insult him. And he wasn't even close with all of 1A for nineteen of them to do this. This should have been restricted to Iida, Todoroki, and Uraraka (and maybe Tsu and Aoyama). He has issues with showing vulnerability in front of people, why om Earth would it make sense to blindside him with his entire class?

(The only part of Dark Deku I truly enjoyed was Uraraka sticking up for him at UA and Kota and that woman he saved earlier running to comfort him and show their gratitude. Although Eri not being there is very weird.)

Like I said above, I love Izuku. But I absolutely hate the way he's been handled by his author. He deserved an actual well thought out character arc and a lot more focus and attention. He deserved to have more intricate, complex relationships with other characters that weren't his childhood bully. He deserved to be treated well in his own story.

[khaleesiofalicante]

can I ask a question? 😢

What would tlnd Magnus say to a person who struggles with anxiety and has a really important exam in 5 days and is terrified what their unsupportive family would say to her if she fails :,)

Hello, kitten,

I’m sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Dani is traveling, and I’m juggling the kids (yes, even the grown-up ones). With Halloween approaching, Max is running our household like the navy. He insists we dress up as actual zombies and ghouls , claiming that’s what Halloween is all about. It’s reached a point where I need to say, “Hey, if you're not going to help, then shush!” We’re not going to dress up as terrifying characters (sorry, Lance!). Halloween should be be slutty, not scary.

But enough about these heathens. I hope you’ve been preparing for your important exam and, more importantly, taking care of yourself. I remember how stressful exam seasons were for me in university. I wasn’t trying to please my family. But the fear of failing and the pressure to prove myself were always on my mind. It’s a tough feeling, isn’t it?

It’s okay to be anxious about an exam. Exams are scary. But please try not to worry about how your family might react to the results. Parents aren’t supposed to be scary. At least, that’s what I’ve learned.

This week will be challenging, and I won’t tell you not to worry - that’s unfair and unrealistic. But if you’re going to worry, focus on the exam itself and the types of questions that might come up. Don’t stress about the outcome or how your family might respond.

Luca once told me not to borrow grief from the future. He said I have a tendency to worry about things that haven’t even happened yet. I think he was right.

I’m not saying you’ll definitely pass or that your family will think you're perfect no matter what. I’m suggesting that these are worries for another day. Right now, your goal is to show that exam who’s boss - study, rest, and repeat.

We’ll handle the other challenges when they come, alright?

And if your family acts in a way that families shouldn’t, remember this: sometimes you need to stand up and say, “Hey, if you're not going to help, then shush!”

I am sending you all my luck and light your way. You are going to be brilliant!

PS - Alec says if your family is 'acting like a dickbag' then 'drop the location'. I am he means well, but...let's keep that as a last resort, I suppose?

In your corner, Magnus.

[majorproblems77]

Sacred realm update! so I'm back!

Hi all!

Hope your doing well! :D

Only a few days late, Exam season man, what can you do?

This update shows link and Time Escaping. And time having... a Time....

Alright, now for the important stuff! Sacred realm belongs to @zelda-the-sacred-realm, and all art from the comics belongs to the comic artist. I've got their permission to do these! I love the comic so much its so good and so well done!

The link to the update can be found here! You should go reblog it, it's great, give it some love, please? :D

Let's do this, grab your popcorn and your water. Let's go! :D

Cinnamon roll Link strikes again, Clearly, the big purple guy just wants a hug!

oh no...

Panic!

Time's little superhero slide here.

Also, it must be said he's doing all this while carrying an adult. (Or close enough.) I know he's a spirit and all but that's VERY impressive!

You know when you're reading and you can hear the atmosphere, you can hear the moment that a breath is held. And time stands still.

This. The moment in a movie when everything stops before the action picks up in another way.

The talent it takes to get it from still images. I just am in awe.

Pure fear from Link.

Props to Time here for remaining calm while he's got the cinnamon roll here just scared out of his mind.

Time... Being reassuring?

Wow.

This is important I think for these two's relationship. The need to protect someone only comes to people who dont really hate someone. Before this, I'm pretty sure Link doesn't think Time cares too much about him.

Why would he right? Time's been nothing but cold to him.

(More on this later)

Link getting cocooned in Time's cloak is just, everything to me. It's such a caring more from him. (Even if it is a you can't die thing)

Ouch, that's gotta hurt

Oh man, this man is like... low-key gripping onto him.

Excuse me while I cry a little?

Twilightttttt ;-;

DIRECT FAMILY CONNECTION

EXCUSE ME WHILE I CRY MORE? ;-;-;-;

TIME? OH YOU POOR MAN

This reaction gives me father-son vibes but with time and Link, it's giving me life because oh my god these two.

Link is a cinnamon roll and must be protected.

PFFFFFFTTTT

Rip

This made me laugh I won't lie. Damit Time I was rooting for some Dad Time in this world.

Says the 'Small cinnamon roll with scared of everything issues.'

I love him but ohhhh man Time is gonna kill you

SEE

RUN LINK

RUN

Link, poor guy. Man needs help okay.

This map is interesting, I reckon is a list of the first three heroes we meet.

That top one is Skyloft. With Hylia and the floating island. - For Sky. who we met first.

The middle one has someone holding The double helix sword... That's the fierce deity on the middle level. We know Time has a connection to the Fierce deity mask. And in turn the deity himself. So this middle level is Time.

And that lower one.

If im right, This is the Twilight realm, and we will find ourselves there soon. The people look similar to the 'Link' we see on the land level to an extent while still holding a semblance of individuality.

Its almost, inverted? Like the twilight people were. Rather than looking different different.

I'm excited to see where this goes.

Also

Hi it's later

So I'm a sucker for visual storytelling in backgrounds and I think this might be more than an exploration into the depths beneath the ice.

Starting with this.

I think this, is Time being vulnerable.

The break from a cold icy exterior to something a little more personal.

Funny how when Time begins to see more personal stuff, he has more visions of the past.

The trigger has him almost scared, just look at him.

Why would Time be scared, if he didn't care?

Time appears to carry a lot of guilt around Twilight.

And when Link calls him out on it, he returns to that icy exterior, not allowing himself the opportunity to be vulnerable again.

And I wonder if that has to be explored before he can take his place within the medallion. Trials by fire, as they are so suitably called, can be for the spirits as much as Link.

Just a thought tho.

That's all from me! Hope you have a great day! :D

[jm-2406]

Hi,

I was wondering if I could make a request for a matt murdock x reader idea. You could make it into a headcannon or a dribble I dont mind ✨.

Basically I’ve always found interesting the idea of matt either loosing his powers or his hearing senses (like in season 3)

So id think about something like that happening to him and the reader helping him found himself in his new routine without his vigilante identity.

(insecure and « in need of love » matt is my weakness jsjs)

Lots of angst but a happy ending if possible

(Also its preferable if reader is just a civilian too)

Thanks 🦋

Love me tender.

Summary - an unfortunate accident almost cost your boyfriend's life but you are there to help him recover, even if he gets emotional and says stupid things.

Pairing - Matt Murdock x teacher!reader.

Word count - 855.

Note - I'm sorry for being so late in delivering this, I got my exam results and it was not good. I was upset, so I couldn't get anything done.

Warnings - rushed ending, mentions of accident/injury, Matt and reader having a heart to heart.

Requests - open || find my work - here.

It came as a shock to you when a phone call disturbed your sleep at 3 a.m. informing you about your boyfriend's accident. You were the only person on his emergency contact and the hospital staff were quick to inform you. When you reached the hospital gates, a fear gripped your heart. You were not sure what happened with Matt exactly but you could make out that it was something very serious from the nurse’s words.

“[Y/N] [Y/L/N], I am here to visit Matt Murdock.” You informed the receptionist. She typed something on her computer and directed you towards the ward. That night, you had the biggest shock of your life as you waited for the doctors and nurses treating Matt.

“It was quite a fatal accident, Miss [Y/L/N]. We're lucky that he survived but he might take some time to recover and from what we have gathered, he might have some problems with his external auditory canal.”

“But… he'll be okay, right? He will recover, right?” You asked him. The doctor nodded his head and left because of another case. It was all up to you now, to let him know. You knew how upset he felt if treated with sympathy, you felt like that too. You just wanted him to recover completely before taking any risks with his life.

A few days later, when you were sitting quietly in the living room and grading the test papers, you heard a cracking sound. Rushing to the kitchen, you saw your boyfriend standing and in front of him, a broken glass. “Are you okay? And what are you doing here?” You carefully reached him and brought him back to your room.

Before you could scold him for being so careless and not resting enough, you saw him sitting quietly, too quietly like a statue. He was holding his mask in his hand. It was high time now, you needed to talk. You placed your hand on his shoulder and got his attention. Matt was still quiet.

“You can't carry on like this, Matt.” You said after a moment of silence.

“I don't know what to do. I'm lost, okay. This feeling… the feeling of being helpless and staying at home all day… it kills me. I feel like I failed.”

“No matt. Please don't say things like that.” Your voice was thick with emotions. “We can go through anything if we are together. Please don't shut me out.”

Matt gave you a sad little smile and you knew that you had a long road ahead of you.

A few days passed with you and Matt adjusting to the new life without his vigilante identity. It was a struggle in the beginning but slowly, he recovered… at least physically.

One evening, you were sitting on the couch, watching one of your favourite films when you noticed Matt standing in the corner, lost in his thoughts. “What happened, babe? You alright?” You rushed to him and to your surprise he jerked your hands off him. That had never happened before.

“I think we should take a break.”

“What?” To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You didn't know what came over him suddenly.

“Yes, [Y/N]… we should.” He sounded serious.

“But, at this point? I don't understand Matt. What happened?”

“Because I can't give you a normal life, [Y/N]. Why is it so difficult for you to understand that? You were sitting there, all peacefully, watching a move. We couldn't do that together, or anything normal couples do. How many times we had to cancel our plans because of me being daredevil and trying to save the city. You don't need to go through all of this. You deserve better, [Y/N].” He breathed hard after his confession, sightless eyes following where your figure should be.

“Leave it to me to decide what and who I deserve. I love you, Matt. I know that I never said it before, I didn't want to push you away. I don't want ‘normal’, I just want you.” By the end of it, you had wrapped your arms around his neck and forced him to sit down. It was one of the few raw moments you shared.

“I'm sorry.” He said after a few minutes of silence. “Promise me, you won't do anything stupid like this again.” You asked, gently massaging his scalp. Matt just nodded his head. You knew that you had a long road ahead of you but you were satisfied with the journey. In the end it's just you two, together.

THE END.

[reivrze]

hey there! I’ve been a follower for a bit and I wanted to finally request something…first time ever requesting so please tell me if I do anything wrong ;-;.

Hru? Finals are coming up and I am stressed out as hell, should be studying but uh-yk-who does that….💀😭😭😭😭😭

anyway I was in the middle of my anxiety thought train when I thought of like….how sunghoon was talking abt how he was 100% not an ace student and how he was embarrassed with the Enhypen members teased him about his exam score. could you do a reaction abt Niki and sunghoon (separately) reassuring a top student s/o who is stressed asf abt exams? I feel like we can all relate to that as the finals season slowly draws out. Ofc you don’t have to do it if ur busy, life comes first! 🫶☺️. I’m sorry if this is a bit uh…specific, but I would really love it if you did it!

and if you have exams to, I wish you good luck! May all 100s be blessed upon you 💖🥰🫶☺️🙌🔆!

a/n : thank you for your good luck wish and i wish you as much luck too with any upcoming exam ! first time writing for a specific set of members, but honestly, it was a lot easier ! anyways, hope you enjoy reading this ♡ ♡ ♡

pairing : bf!sunghoon x gn!reader | bf!niki x gn!reader genre : fluff warnings : anxiety

p. sunghoon . ⁺

sunghoon was on his way to your house for a date night you guys had planned. you were supposed to have a chill night together in bed, watching the show you guys had started a few weeks ago. your exams were approaching quickly and you had been studying all day, trying to squeeze in as much information as possible in your head. your eyes were betraying you as you felt them starting to close, so exhausted from the books covering your desk completely. the date long forgotten, your heart started beating quickly, your hands sweaty as fear and anxiety consumed your mind. reading through the page getting harder as your eyes got blurry with tears threatening to fall. so distracted by your current state, you had missed the knock of your door and the sound of it opening.

"y/n..? Are you okay"

at the lack of response, sunghoon started getting worried, making his way to your side. seeing the tears falling and the books laying everywhere, he understood the situation quickly. not knowing exactly what to do, he decided to pull you away from your work, taking your hand and making you get up from your chair. with a lack of words, he took you between his arms, brushing your hair, letting you cry into his t-shirt.

slowly, you started breathing a little easier, your heart calming down from its anxiety high. with the comfort of his body against your own like a blanket, you felt safe. sunghoon knew that he wouldn't be much help with all the school stuff but he knew that he could provide a safe space for you to calm down.

n. riki . ⁺

you had told niki that you'd be at the library all day because exam season was coming up soon and you had wanted to be as prepared as you could be. niki had been sulking, bored out of his mind and missing you. he had come up with the genius idea to surprise you at the library and to take you out to go eat together for lunch.

on your side, you had been feeling on edge all day, your lesson refusing to stay in your brain. you found yourself getting irritated at every sound the people around you made. you had to take a deep breath every time a book fell or a group of students would walk past, talking a little too loud for your liking.

niki had just entered the library and had gone out on a search for you. when he finally found you, he stalked behind you, preparing to surprise you to the fullest and scare you a little. what he hadn't expected was for you to lash out at him and frantically try to tell him that you had a long day and that you had no time nor the patience to deal with his childish pranks. niki had gone silent, feeling bad and a little rejected, his intentions were pure and he was just missing you.

after your little rant, you sighed, realizing that you had gone a little overboard, you felt disappointed in yourself after seeing niki's smile fall and him looking at the floor. he whispered a little apology, telling you that he didn't mean to annoy you and that he'd be on his way. you had reached out, grabbing onto his arm, apologizing and explaining that you had just been having a hard time with your studies. niki knew that school was a tough period for you recently and that it was probably stressing you out.

"wait," you cleaned up your stuff quickly, putting your back over your shoulder, telling niki that you needed a break, hoping that he'd forgive you for getting angry at him. niki could never stay mad at you for long, he offered to take your bag and you guys walked to the nearest little café, hand in hand.

© miyu 2023 - do not copy, translate, repost or plagiarise my work anywhere !

[elias-rights]

What’s toxic about JonMartin in canon?

It's a really interesting question to get into because there are many factors at play. Under a cut for length.

First of all is the simple fact that they don't know each other. From MAG 159:

PETER

It’s odd, really. You each think you’re so focused on the other, but how much do you really know each other? How much time have you spent together when not working, or bickering, or fleeing from that latest thing that wants to kill you? So. What are you seeking? The image you’ve each created of the other? The people you think you love don’t exist. Not really. And that’s a very lonely place to be.

ARCHIVIST

(cutting off Peter’s echo) Shut up!

Yes, it's a manipulation attempt, but Jon notably doesn't offer a counterargument to his reasoning. Furthermore, it's true: they haven't had the opportunity to get to know each other, at least that we've heard. Not even Jonmartin enthusiasts seem to agree on the question of when exactly Jon started reciprocating Martin's feelings; most of my mutuals share my experience of being completely blindsided by MAG 159/160 and the confirmation of their feelings.

"I need him to be okay" is often cited as proof of Jon caring personally about Martin, but I always viewed it as him clinging to the concept of Martin as his last surviving original assistant; he obviously feels responsible for him and also views him as a symbol of simpler times.

Then there's the fact that they're incompatible. To put a simple example, they don't even get each other's jokes. A brief selection of instances where this happens:

They have the highest ratio of missed jokes I remember seeing between characters in this podcast. This sharply contrasts with, for instance, Gerry, who instantly clicks with Jon's style of communication.

Okay, but this is all about why they're incompatible, which doesn't necessarily imply toxicity. That factor comes in because, throughout season five, Martin is (to put it bluntly) an absolute dick to Jon.

In MAG 181, for example, he joins in on laughing at Jon with Salesa for being powerless, when Salesa at that point was an unknown variable that could've easily been an enemy:

ARCHIVIST

[Compellingly] Tell me what happened.

SALESA

No.

ARCHIVIST

I – uh… W-What?

[DEEP CHUCKLES FROM SALESA]

SALESA

The look on your face! Look, he’s so confused!

[MARTIN LAUGHS A BIT TOO]

ARCHIVIST

Martin!

MARTIN

Sorry. Sorry. Y-You did look kind of funny. It was l-l-l-like you were flunking an exam or something.

Notably, this is after they cross an unknown threshold into the place where an agent of the Web is living, which puts Jon (again, powerless for the first time in a while) in a position where he's at the mercy of the fear that destroyed his childhood. Either Martin is being very insensitive or Jon didn't tell him about Mr Spider, which wouldn't mean anything good re: how well they know and trust each other.

From the same episode:

SALESA

And you?

[SOUND OF A DISGRUNTLED ARCHIVIST]

MARTIN

He’ll behave.

You can make an argument that I'm reaching with everything else in this post, but "he'll behave" is an inarguably disgusting thing to say about your partner, especially when he's in such a vulnerable position.

And then, of course, is the matter of the killing spree.

It starts because Jon impulsively avenges his friend, which he wasn't going to do until the Not-Them basically baited him. (Of course he then felt more secure in his power and part of him enjoyed it. He's in this situation because he was systematically traumatised on purpose by Jonah and forced to read his statement.)

And then, when Jon admits to being ashamed of himself for having these powers, for enjoying them, Martin just bluntly tells him that they should "get their murder on" because "these things" (avatars, of which Jon! Is! One! Nice job implicitly dehumanising him!) are "just evil" (never mind that some of them might have circumstances similar to Jon's). (Also, never mind that revenge fixes nothing, but that's neither here nor there.)

The most egregious example is with Oliver Banks. I know "I'm not going to kill a man just because you're jealous" became a meme line, but it's really not the sign of a healthy relationship.

MARTIN

…Cool, so what’s the problem, then? Take another monster off the hit list; job done.

ARCHIVIST

…It’s not. That simple?

MARTIN

Well, what does that mean. (slight pause, insistent) What does that mean, John? What, what happened to Kill Bill? (barest of pauses) John? John, you said –

ARCHIVIST

I know what I said, and I don’t – (sigh) I don’t know, Martin. I just – I don’t think he’s – (sigh) I don’t know; I don’t think he’s evil.

[Something creaks.]

MARTIN

(really?) Oh, yeah, sure; he’s probably a really kind, benevolent ruler of a hellish fear prison.

I get that Martin is trying to project evil onto every avatar in order to distance himself from them because he's coping badly with having a domain of his own, but maybe don't do that in front of your boyfriend who's struggling with his own avatarhood and whether that makes him a monster. Martin's phrasing even parallels Jon's "all you lose is another monster" line from S4. Tying Jon's worth to some arbitrary definition of humanity that he giveth and taketh away on a whim.

Also, Jon is very notably a person who likes to think things through before expressing them. If Martin can't even be patient while he tries to explain something complex, they're clearly not compatible.

This is from before they kill Jude Perry:

MARTIN

…No. No, I’m not going to choose; I don’t, I don’t think that’s a fair decision to put on me. It’s your revenge; your choice, not mine.

This strikes me as hypocritical. Martin can push Jon to kill the avatars he doesn't like even when Jon clearly isn't comfortable with it, but then places the weight of the whole thing on Jon, as if the killing spree had been his idea. Why isn't it a "fair decision to put on him" when Martin has tried to choose every time until now?

And, I mean, Martin apologises for the pressure, for what it's worth. Except no, the topic comes back, and not in a good way.

ARCHIVIST

What happened to “Kill Bill”?

MARTIN

You weren’t meant to enjoy it this much!

This is about Jon suggesting using his power in a way that would actually make a bit of a difference. Of course it's a fallible suggestion, but Martin's response is just ridiculous. Martin clearly enjoyed the killing spree until it was Jon who put an end to it.

Martin casually dehumanises, dismisses, and belittles Jon on many occasions: treating those Jon's obviously projecting onto like monsters, being whiny and impatient about the statements he needs to survive, or interrupting his train of thought.

Finally (for this post--there were many scenes that I skipped), there's the matter of how the entire crew, Martin included, systematically dismisses Jon's input in the last few episodes. It's like his opinion doesn't even matter, when he's the one arguably best equipped to understand what's happening.

It's genuinely painful to listen to.

[iam93percentstardust]

*insert french laugh* Did someone say to send a prompt? Ahoy! Have no fear for I am here. How about stevetony kiss prompt with the dialogue "i think this is the part where you're supposed to kiss me"? Could Steve be the one to also say it? <3

naferty fren!!! yesss always happy to write steve for you <3

@soliloquent-stark also requested this prompt + "If you win, I'll kiss you" so I rolled y'all into one

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

~

Steve does follow his physical therapy plan religiously, and sure enough, by the time the next season—his final season, as a senior now—rolls around, he’s declared fit to play. And, fuck, does he play. Determined to prove himself even better after his recovery, to prove that Rollins couldn’t get him down, he leads his team to victory after victory and then to the playoffs and now to the championship.

Tony ducks into the locker room before the game, ignoring the good-natured wolf-whistles and catcalls from Steve’s teammates as he picks his way through the equipment littered across the room. It’s been an open secret for ages that Steve was seeing an omega, and after his injury last season, it became an open secret that Steve was specifically seeing Tony because he kept showing up to fuss over him, but none of them would ever turn him in. They have too much respect for their captain and quarterback, and anyway, most of them think the zero fraternization rules are just as ridiculous as they do.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Steve says, beaming at him. “How was your exam?”

Tony makes a face. He hadn’t flown over with the team yesterday, being required to take an exam for one of his courses—something about mechanics, which Steve had listened to all the ranting about, nodding sympathetically since that was about as much as he understood.

“That bad?” Steve asks.

Tony scowls. “No. It was boring. If you’re gonna make a big deal about this exam being the ‘hardest exam of the entire semester’—” he adopts a suitably dramatic tone for the quote—“then it should at least be difficult, right? I overstudied way too much for that thing. I don’t think it took me more than about ten minutes.”

“Maybe that’s just because you’re impressive.”

“Or maybe Dr. Kean’s not nearly as scary as she thinks she is.”

Steve hums. He doesn’t completely agree—no one knows how smart Tony is better than he does after years of listening to Tony telling him about his inventions—but he’s not going to argue the point. He wasn’t there; for all he knows, everyone was done with the exam after ten minutes.

“I’m glad to see you here,” he says instead. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it.”

Tony makes a dismissive gesture. “What’s a little light sprinting through the airport to catch the next flight?”

“And the TSA let you?”

“I told ‘em I was going to support my alpha, and they practically made a hole for me themselves. They’re big Steve Rogers’ fans, you know.”

It’s Steve’s turn to make a face. He doesn’t know how he feels about having fans. No, that’s not true. He knows exactly how he feels, and he doesn’t like it.

Tony laughs, “Yeah, exactly.”

Steve hears the coach starting to round people up for the pregame pep talk and says, “You better get out there. Don’t want you to miss the kickoff.”

“Hmm, yeah, probably,” Tony agrees and starts to walk away, grinning when Steve reels him back in. “What?”

“Don’t you think you’re forgetting something?” Steve asks.

“No?”

That innocent look on his face isn’t fooling Steve one bit. He reminds him, “Kiss for luck?”

Tony thinks about it, then gives him a teasing smile. “Hmm, I’m gonna have to go with no.”

Steve blinks at him. “No?”

“Yeah, no. But if you win, I’ll kiss you then.”

He darts away before Steve can catch him to kiss him himself, cackling like mad as he dodges his hand. Steve watches him go and shakes his head fondly. Well, now that Tony’s laid a challenge on him, guess he’ll have to win.

~

Looking back on it, he’ll be able to remember the game in excruciating detail. He’ll be able to sit down with Tony and watch the highlights and comment on what he was thinking at each moment of the game. Today though, it feels like barely a minute has passed before he’s standing in the winners box, looking at Tony beaming from ear to ear while someone asks him how he feels.

“Amazing,” he says honestly. He almost says something about Tony, but stops himself at the last second. That moment feels too private, too them to share on national television.  He gives another couple of soundbites before the mic moves to Peter, who’d made the winning touchdown in the last second, literally.

“I think I just kind of blacked out when I caught that last ball,” Peter says blankly, still clearly in shock. “I just ran for it. I’m lucky I moved at all.”

Everyone chuckles and then they’re finally allowed down off the stage. Steve makes a beeline straight for Tony, vaguely acknowledging the people who try to talk to him. Tony is waiting for him with a softer, more teasing smile.

“Congratulations, quarterback,” Tony says once he reaches him.

“Thanks,” Steve says, grinning at him. “Now, if I remember correctly, I think this is the part where you’re supposed to kiss me.”

“Oh, is that what part this is?” Tony asks, arching his eyebrows.

“Pretty sure. I did win, after all.”

“Well, if you won,” Tony says exaggeratedly, but grabs ahold of Steve’s jersey and yanks him in. He smiles again, bright and warm and so, so proud, and then leans up and kisses him. And it’s a perfect moment, the best way to cap off the best season Steve has ever had. Steve wraps his arms around him, holding him close, and kisses him and kisses him and kisses him.

[fan-a-tink]

Young Royals S3 thoughts

EP5

Even just hearing this scene’s echo was horrific. It must have been so much worse to actually go through it. 

It must be so hard for Wille to reconcile how he knows Erik which what he now knows about him. And he is not here anymore to defend himself. Uuuurgghhhhh!

Please talk to Simon. Please talk to him. Shutting him out will not make anything better.

Sara and Felice doing desserts together, that’s the best idea anyone has ever had :) A chance for them to talk, yay!

This Micke is starting to be a dad too good to be true. This is sketchy behaviour. He is too happy, this is going to spiral out of his control. Oh Sara I am worried for you….

Ok, I am just going to say it (even 2021 me would judge me so hard for this) but August „redemption arc“ is working. Like I honestly believe that he is trying to be a little bit better as a person. I want him to be alright. And yes, I am shocked that I think this. 

Whose locker is number 60? Is that Sara’s? 

Wille once more calling his parents because he needs support. And his dad once more not stepping up. Nobody is perfect, not even Kronprins Erik….!

Edvin Ryding, the actor you are…

This episode it’s Wille’s turn to look as if his soul has left him. 

Oh shit this will be the music room fight. I am not ready. I am not ready. No no no no no noooooooo.

RIP Wille in the choir. Those scenes in episode two were worth it though :)) 

It is so typical for Simon to think that he has done something wrong. Simon, my love, you are not ‚difficult‘ for asking questions!! You are wonderful. 

Wille, those are your thoughts, not Simons. They are your fears, your doubts, your anxieties. And they are completely valid. But please don’t put words in Simon’s mouth and push him away like that. „Maybe he gave in to peer pressure. What do you know?“ Like, Simon is trying to help you here, he’s trying to talk it through with you and help you out. Nooo, don’t walk out on him?!!!

Simon being left behind in the music room is just as devastating as Wille being in there after their fight last season. I am done with this music room. 

The 36 on Simon’s locker is now always going to remind me of that fan exam :)) I was sooo unsure about that question haha

So she takes the letter, but is she reading it? Should we assume she read it? Or is she just not going to read it? I am confused…

Oh no. Micke has forgotten. The hope and desperation in her voice that she’s trying to conceal while leaving these voice messages for her dad is killing me. Also, ruuuuuun! You can still make it :) 

Why is Wille only ever with Felice when he’s had a fight or something with Simon? Like, when they’re good, he never hangs out with her. 

I also do believe he would have accepted and embraced Wille’s queerness. But I guess it’s the fact that we’ll never know that is so hard to deal with.

Purple nail polish ✨ slay :)

Sara made it :) But also, it’s stressing me out that she just puts her id back into her bag and doesn’t close it properly. It could fall out!

That is so heartbreaking seeing that Micke is falling back into the habit of drinking with his friends. And the worst possible moment for Sara to find out, mid-driving test, in the middle of the road. 

Linda giving Simon the long overdue hug and telling him he’s not doing anything wrong. YES!

„Love shouldn’t be this difficult“ - Linda, I trusted you!!! Don’t give Simon ideas.. 

Sara turning up at the house, breaking down. Simon hugging her. Forgiving her. I am in actual tears now. Can’t handle it. I’m sooo glad he is forgiving her. This was soooo necessary. Finally some healing…. 

That’s a decent apology text, Wille, I’m proud of you :)

The nail polish looks sooo good!!

And its off 😂 That was shorter than Wille’s career in the choir..

The Happy Birthday Song Scene will forever be my favourite Wilson scene. I am crying my eyes out because I know it’s all going to go wrong soon, and this might be one of the last moments of happiness. And it is SO BEAUTIFUL!!!!! 

Also I am sooo glad the ‚Is everything ok between us?‘ line happened here and now was immediately answered with a ‚yes‘ - that takes away one of my biggest fears from the trailer… 

Also, he made him a sandwich? Asjdnä oajbef lskdfb .sjdnfsldnf lsdn 💜

I like Farima. Also her green suit is gorgeous :) 

They are holding hands in the car !!!!

„Maybe it was stupid to tell you that thing about Erik. I get that it must’ve been tough to hear.“ Yeah, no shit, August.

Simon is just chilling, living his best life eating cake :) 

„Cause there’s a risk of poisoning.“ Oooff. Simon’s expression is golden :))

I think Simon will never get used to having staff to take care of everything. And to Wille being absolutely ok with that and not even noticing it. 

Spotted Lisa Ambjörn, hihiiiii :))

Please make Simon feel welcome. Please. 

Why are they all pretending like everyone’s happy and fine? 

August is just so happy to be near Sara, it is actually adorable. 

Felice and Sara working side by side. I have so much hope that they can find their friendship again. Like, they are both loving being in each other’s company..! And Felice wanting to be a chef? I am here for it!!!! That whole little scene was beautiful :))

That is the most awkward dinner conversation ever. Poor Simon. Poor Wille. And they really don’t make it easy for anyone just bringing everything back to Erik. Like, that just adds so much pressure on Wille, and also this is such a vulnerable topic for him right now… 

Class Bad Boy. Lol

I love that he hates the title. Like, season 1 August would have loved it! That is GROWTH, ladies and gentlemen!

„It’s not very long. I’ll read it to you“ - dude, she can read, she just didn’t want to! 

His voice breaking up a little while he reads the letter. Malte is really on the next level this season…

The way he leans his head into that hug…! I have so much hope for them…. Please, please, please!

Yes, I can see that from Frederike’s point of view this looks bad. But you don’t know anything about the situation. And you’re just going to cause problems. But of corse she runs straight to Felice. Uuughhh, and things were just starting to look like they could be friends again someday. 

Wille playing a bit of the school song. Is that the only thing he remembers how to play, because he taught it to Simon? 

Wille, you’re being unfair. Yes, it’s hard for you. But Simon is also allowed to find it hard. And he is only trying to support you.

I’m sorry, but Wille’s parents could not be more useless right now. I am so glad Wille is finally speaking his mind. Maybe the delivery is not the most productive, constructive, diplomatic, but a child should not have to beg for his parents to be there for him. And they should not just leave the room when he does. Like, I understand that you are ill and struggling and that it must be absolutely terrible to deal with your eldest son dying tragically in a car crash, but Wille is right, you still have a son, and he needs you!!! 

The way Simon looks horrified and genuinely scared when Wille smashes the gifts. Like, he looks kind of scared of Wille. I bet he witnessed these kind of violent outbursts from his dad when he was younger. Oh Simon….

There it is: „Love shouldn’t be this hard.“ And it hurts just as much as I thought it would. 

Wille’s cheek is so wet, he must have been crying a lot already. 

Simon’s voice cracking when he says „Maybe it just can’t work.“ - he is breaking his own heart admitting this. 

The lyrics just before the cut „I got addicted to a losing game“ - KILL ME NOW!

I am in tears. Like, I knew they were going to come to a point like this, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok!!!

[aelove]

hold on

PAIRING: best friend heeseung x gn reader SYNOPSIS: Heeseung has always been enchanted by you. Since the day of your first meeting in kindergarten, he knew that you were destined for each other. He's always imagined spending forever with you, even going so far as to apply to each and every college that you did, so that you wouldn't have to leave his side. However, as graduation draws near, fate reveals its own differing plans for the both of you. GENRE: angst, best friends to lovers au, high school au, kind of a star-crossed lovers au, right person wrong time au WARNINGS: unedited, major character death, frequent pov changes, please lmk if you feel that there are any other warnings that should be added WORD COUNT: 3.4K NOTE: this has been in my drafts for so long, so i'm rlly happy to finally publish it !! and thank you to my lovely esther bae @urszn for the beautiful header which was the perfect motivation to finish writing ♡ MASTERLIST | NAVI

Heeseung couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief at the sight of you, an invisible weight falling off his shoulders.

“I thought I’d find you here.” Heeseung said, hoping his voice doesn’t reveal his previous state of panic. Despite his casual comment, he had actually spent the last forty-five minutes frantically searching for you. Your room was the last place he’d expected to find you. Yet there you were, silently sitting on your bed, bundled up in every fluffy blanket you owned, completely unaware of the outside world and the mental breakdown that had just been cut short by your appearance.

It’s otherwise dark except for the messily placed star stickers strewn across your ceiling, illuminating the room in a pale green light. Knowing of your fear of the dark, Heeseung had gifted you the stickers for a past birthday, but you had always refused to use them. worried that they would eventually die out, opting for a regular lamp instead.

"Don’t make me laugh, Hee. I saw the hundred missed calls you left." You couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him. He was leaning against the door frame in his favorite matching gray hoodie and sweats. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed in worry, but he looked absolutely gorgeous. You had always thought he looked as if he came straight out of a cringey teen romantic series. With his sweet doe eyes and all his other pretty features, it wouldn’t be hard at all to fall for your best friend. He would be one of those sweet best friend types that was always there for the protagonist. They’d be high school sweethearts, joyfully spending the rest of their lives together in each other’s arms. Maybe they’d settle down in the countryside after one too many years spent in the chaos of a big city. They'd eventually have two kids and maybe even a cat or —

"So you were ignoring me, huh?" Heeseung questioned, interrupting you from continuing your delusions. His lips were jutting out in a joking pout, and he was standing with his hands on his hips, giving the impression of an upset little kid. You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the sight of the unserious glare he directed towards you. You patted the spot across from you, welcoming him to join you in your latest coping mechanism. At your invitation, he finally entered the room, carefully stepping over the numerous clothes and stuffed animals littering your floor to make his way next to you.

The bed dipped a little, creaking as Heeseung sat on the bed, scooting next to you. You adjusted the pile of blankets so that they enveloped both of you. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you could smell the notes of tangerine and oak from his favorite cologne. You both stayed there for a while, relishing in the presence of the other. You both enjoyed the respite the other provided, neither making a move or attempting to break the silence.

For the past week, both of you had been so busy preparing for the upcoming exam season that your only chance to see each other was in passing while hurriedly rushing through the halls to the next class. You had also started using lunches as a free period to study for your respective classes, so it had certainly been a while since you had last been this close in proximity. Heeseung found himself immediately comforted in your presence. Heeseung looked down at you finally up-close and his heart ached at the sight of the remnants of tears trailing from your puffy eyes. He didn’t know what to say, but his every nerve yearned to know the reason behind your current misery and eradicate its existence. 

The dark circles under your eyes had also grown significantly, almost at an exponential rate compared to his memory, and you looked so fatigued that he vaguely remembered hearing one of your shared teachers expressing concern about you to another teacher when passing her classroom on his way to a different class.

Heeseung had known you long enough to recognize that this type of behavior wasn’t uncommon for you. As a professional procrastinator, you were a proud night owl, and both of you often stayed up together. But your appearance made it seem like you had hit a new extreme of sleep deprivation. The fact that you had obviously been crying before he found you just made him feel worse. He didn’t know the reality of whatever you had been dealing with, but he was confident something was wrong. He just wished he could do more to help you, that you would rely on him more, that you would realize he’d always be there for you.

"Why now? I thought you said you were never going to use the stickers," Heeseung asked in a desperate attempt to fill the silence. He had said the first thing that came to mind, but he couldn’t deny his eagerness to hear your answer. With the stars bathing his vision in an unfamiliar green hue, feelings of uncertainty spread through his body. Maybe it was just the fact that college decisions would soon be arriving, but nothing felt right anymore. The only thing he would always have complete confidence in was his relationship with you. You had stuck together through thick and thin, and he had no doubt you would always have his back.

"I thought it might help me come to terms with everything. You know, since we don’t have that much time left together either. It’s kind of healing, being one with the darkness. Besides, shouldn't you be glad I’m finally putting your gift to good use?" You had also come to the realization that the stickers' lifespan had nothing to do with your use of them, but you preferred leaving that out. You would rather not draw attention to a fact that he had no previous idea of, knowing Heeseung would tease you relentlessly about it otherwise. He was very similar to you in that you both often shared equally stupid sentiments. It was one of the reasons you both got along so well.

"What do you mean?" Heeseung's voice was firm, despite being puzzled by your statement. You had spoken of separating as if it was something guaranteed in your future. He was offended that you had even considered parting ways with him, but even more hurt by how sure you were about it. "YN, we’re always going to be together even after graduation. You’ll forever be my number one, and I better be yours."

While you had been more focused on avoiding his teasing, it seemed your previous sentence had taken all his attention. The sudden seriousness of his tone took you aback, making you wonder if you had somehow angered your best friend.

"Hee, you know I don’t mean it like that. I love you so much, but it’s inevitable that we’ll eventually reach a point in time where we can’t be together 24/7." You sat up, adjusting your position so that you were both face to face. He frowned and avoided your eyes. Cradling his face in both your hands, you tilted his head up, but he continued looking away from you. He looked upset, but you knew that you had only spoken the truth.

"Hee?" You smiled at him, hoping to find some sort of confirmation or consolation in his reactions. You didn’t like seeing him unhappy; it didn’t suit him at all.

"Have we already reached that point then? I know you’ve been avoiding me, and it’s not just a phase. We haven't had a single decent conversation with each other in the past month. You can’t even deny it. You’re not answering my calls or texts. You’re not even talking to me anymore." Heeseung tried not to lose his composure, but he was sure that his voice must have betrayed his true feelings because he could feel the tears starting to gather.

Heeseung wished that you would just reach out to him. You were such a precious person to him, and he absolutely adored you. To everyone who had ever known Heeseung, it was obvious just how much he loved you, shown through his actions alone. His every thought revolved around you, and he had no doubt that he would do anything for you.

Heeseung had known you long enough to easily recognize all your emotions. It was almost like he had a spidey-sense solely dedicated to you. Whenever he heard even the slightest hint of sadness in your voice during a call, he was immediately on his way to you with your favorite foods in hand.

Heeseung could spend all the time in the world by your side and never get bored of his best friend. He had pulled more all-nighters than he could count just to keep you company as you hurriedly crammed to finish a project for school. Even if he had already finished the same assignment weeks in advance, he was always there to help you. In fact, it was only after learning of your dangerous tendency to procrastinate that he had taken it upon himself to do the exact opposite.

Everything Heeseung did was with you in mind. In fact, he had been determined to stay by your side even after graduation, so he made sure to apply to all the same colleges as you. He had never considered leaving your side, so it stung hearing you talk as if you had already accepted the idea.

The sight of your best friend with tears brimming in his eyes was too much to handle, and you felt as if you were on the verge of crying as well. You immediately reached out to hug him, hoping to comfort him and bring him back to his usually happy self. Heeseung remained silent even as he hugged you back.

“Hee, I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry.” You do your best to assure him with your words, but you couldn’t help but feel out of place trying to comfort your best friend. It had always been him in your current position; he had always taken care of you. It made you feel incredibly guilty that your friend had done so much for you that it would never be possible to pay it forward to him in this lifetime. 

“You’re right. I was avoiding you and I’m so sorry, Hee. I haven’t been completely open with you either. I know you’re probably also anxious about college and life after graduation so I didn’t want to trouble you.” Hearing your confession, Heeseung stilled. Breaking away from the hug, he wiped his tears and looked directly at you as if telling you to continue on.

“I really didn’t want to tell you about it, but I realize now that it’s probably best that you hear it from me first.” As the first tears started to fall, you dropped your head to rest on his chest. You were full-on sobbing now, afraid of his reaction, but you continued on, finally whispering the truth to the person you had been most determined to hide it from. 

Heeseung had always hated goodbyes. As a child, whenever family came to visit, he was always the odd one out at the end of the trip, the only one who had shed no tears. The dramatics associated with partings just didn’t come naturally to him. He didn’t like how everyone else would break down in tears or how the hugs seemed to never end. It all felt awkward to him. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t sad or that he wouldn’t miss spending time with his family; it was just that he had never been the type to openly show his vulnerabilities. It was only in complete solitude in the peace and quiet of his room that Heeseung would allow himself to mourn. 

This wasn’t like that though. No, not at all. He had been completely confident that his family would visit him again, but Heeseung wasn’t sure that he would ever see you again. The love of his life was about to disappear out of his life before he could even confess his feelings. It wasn’t even the feeling of a forever unreciprocated love. Heeseung knew that you loved him in the same way that he felt about you. He had originally planned a big confession to take place in the coming weeks as graduation approached, but it seemed as if fate had alternate plans for the both of you. 

Heeseung felt like a ship lost at sea, tossed and tormented by relentless waves of grief. The weight of your eventual absence was a heavy burden on his heart, engulfing him in a whirlwind of memories and regrets, unable to escape the torment.

It was with great reluctance that Heeseung forced himself to enter the Hospital. The stark, white walls and dreary interior echoed with the sounds of crying, likely from families experiencing their own goodbyes. It was all so overwhelming and just made him more nauseated at the thought of finding you here. He was right outside your door now, but he found himself still in place, his knees growing weak. As much as he hated the idea of ever having to part ways with you, he knew he would regret not seeing you in your final moments. A violent cough erupted from behind the door, echoing through the hallway, serving as a painful reminder of the finality of your current state. He choked up as his hand reached for the handle; the pounding of his heart growing in frequency upon touching the cold metal. 

It took a moment for Heeseung to gain the courage to open the door, but he was absolutely floored at the sight of you when he finally entered. Upon his arrival, your parents stepped out into the hall, deciding to give you both some privacy. It completely broke him to see you look so much more fragile than he remembered you ever being. He approached your bedside with a lump in his throat, struggling to find the words he’d wanted to tell you. 

It’s obvious to see from his appearance that your best friend had been taking the news of your sickness very hard. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were swollen but he still looked as beautiful as ever in the dull light of the hospital room.

“I missed you, Hee.” You mustered out a weak smile at your best friend. Despite being bedridden, your smile remained bright, but Heeseung couldn’t help but feel that as if it looked out of place compared to your dull appearance. The eyes that he often found himself lost in were now almost entirely devoid of their previous shine. 

“I love you.” Heeseung blurted out, hoping you could hear the sincerity in his voice. He wished he could say more, but he couldn’t speak. The longer he looked at you in your delicate state, the harder it was for him to maintain his composure. He had imagined the two of you spending your lives together, side by side. He had already planned everything out. He knew where he wanted to propose and how he was going to do it. You might not have realized it, but you were the object of all of Heeseung’s affection. The persistence of your image in his mind was the only thing that relentlessly haunted him, and it terrified him just how much he loved you. 

“Hee, you know I love you too.” You had spent the entire day saying goodbyes to loved ones, but it was only after seeing Heeseung that you felt completely disheartened. Tears were pooling in the corners of his eyes and with it, your guilt continued to grow. 

“I’m going to miss you so much, Hee. You were the best best friend and first love that anyone could have asked for. You’ve always done so much for me. That’s why I need you to promise me something.” You held his hands tightly in yours, wanting to ingrain the feeling in your memory forever. 

“I’m wishing you all the best. You’re such a lovely person and I know that anyone would be lucky to be the recipient of your friendship and love. Promise me that you’ll start living for yourself. I’ve held you back for so long and I’m so sorry that I didn’t realize it earlier.” You paused to look at Heeseung for confirmation. He hesitantly nodded his head in agreement.

“Do everything that makes you happy, okay? I might not be able to stay by your side, but I’ll always be there for you. I’ll be your guardian angel, so trust that I’ll be watching over you. You’ve spent your whole life looking after me, so now it's my turn to return the favor.” You smiled up at him, gesturing for him to lean down towards you.  Heeseung’s eyes welled up with tears as he obeyed your request. He was determined to stay strong for you even as his cheeks grew wet, biting his lip in an effort to suppress the sobs from spilling out his chest.

“Don’t miss me too much, yeah?” Your voice broke a little seeing your best friend look so defeated. You wiped the tears from his face and pressed a kiss to both of his cheeks, resting your forehead against his. 

“Don’t cry. You’re too pretty to be crying over me.” Your comment only made him cry harder, though, and you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh at the sight. 

“I love you so much, Hee.” Heeseung took you by surprise when he cradled your face in his hands. Time seemed to slow down as he pressed the gentlest of kisses to your lips. You wished  it could have lasted forever; you wished that you could have spent forever by Heeseung’s side. You were so grateful to have met Heeseung, for him to have been your first and last love.

After your passing, Heeseung often found solace in the stars, the same stars that had once adorned your ceiling. He would gaze up at the vast night sky, eagerly searching for your light among the countless others, hoping to feel your presence and know that you were watching over him.

While he had long been stressed about what to expect from life after graduation, Heeseung knew that nothing could possibly go wrong, not with you watching over him. Just as you had expected of him, it didn’t take long for Heeseung to get acclimated to college life. He had already befriended quite a few people in the same major as him. They all shared similar personalities, and he knew that he would quickly grow close to them. He lucked out with his courses, somehow managing to get his ideal schedule. With everything just as perfect as he had always dreamed, he knew he had nothing to worry about.

While the ache of your absence never ceased to disappear, Heeseung didn’t want to erase you from his life or pretend as if you had never existed. He was adamant about never forgetting you. He continued to keep you in his memory, proudly referring to you as his "best friend" and "soulmate." He wrote heartfelt letters to you, pouring out his every thought and emotion onto the page, imagining that you were still there to read them. He still had your number saved in his phone, often calling it just to hear your voice on your voicemail. Whenever he came home for a break, he visited your parents without fail, who continued to treat him as their own son. He made sure to stop by each and every one of the beloved hangouts you had once frequented together, where your laughter and smiles had once, allowing himself to be reminisce in the cherished memories you had shared.

Heeseung carried you with him always as he continued to live his life just as you had wished for him to do. And just as promised to you, he lived each and every day to the fullest. The pain of your loss never quite left him, but Heeseung's heart swelled with gratitude for the time he spent with you, for the memories you shared together. Heeseung would be forever grateful for the serendipitous intertwining of his life with yours, a testament to the power of fate. You might not be his last, but you would always be his first love, remaining foremost in his mind and heart, etched and woven into the tapestry of his life.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING !! and a million thanks to my lovely moots @kimsohn @chiyuv & @luvhyun3 for helping me with proofreading ILYSM 💗

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permanent taglist : @ilynaevis @yeongwonie @gfksn @luvhyun3 @esc6pism

[yellowkitkieran]

desperately asking you to write a little something about comforting kieran after yesterday 🥺💔

You quietly push open the door to the medical suite. It's near silent, which is how you know it's bad.

"Hey," you murmur, doing your best to smile. "Lads all are pretty worried. Is it okay if they come check in on you? Even just Andy?"

Kieran says nothing. His gaze remains fixed on the wall across from his uncomfortable exam table, glazed and red.

"Alright, no lads, got it." You poke your head into the hall again and let Andy know to come back later. Scotland's captain is a wise man, and he trusts you to look after his friend so he squeezes your hand and let's you take care of Kieran.

A rolling stool is the only seating in the room aside from the table Kieran occupies. You roll to his side, rest your head on his bicep and slide your fingers across his palm to lace with his. "How's the pain?"

"Bad." Kieran's voice is raw. "Better with whatever they gave me."

"That's a positive at least. Did they say what it was?"

"Hamstring."

"Ah, that's what I thought. Better than the worst case scenario." Neither of you dares to voice said scenario for fear of eliciting some sort of curse. Knee injuries are far more daunting than muscular ones in most cases. A hamstring is fixable; while he'll be out of the tournament and preseason, he should be able to play a decent amount of football in the upcoming season.

As if Kieran knows your thoughts, he murmurs, "I'm not sure I should keep playing."

"Do you remember when I wanted to drop out of school? When you told me I wasn't allowed?"

Kieran nods. Of course he does- you were nearly finished with your degree and had only a few classes left. But a few terrible marks and shoddy professors had you read to quit the whole thing and live like a nomad for the remainder of your life. Kieran had been the one to talk you off the ledge then. You'll do the same for him now.

"You told me I'd invested too much time into myself to give up so easily. You promised me that knowing my own worth was more important than what any professor thought of my assignments." You lift your head and meet Kieran's eyes, knowing it'll be more impactful if be can see that you believe in what you are saying. "You're not done. Yes, you've had a lifetime worth of injuries already. But you're not finished- that wasn't meant to be your final performance. You have too much left to do, too many goals to score and blocks to make. A few days from now you'll be begging to be back in training, I know you will."

Kieran's throat bobs. You smile, brushing his hair back and kissing his forehead. "And this recovery? You're not going through it alone. Every lad out in that changing room is rooting for you. They'd all jump at the drop of a hat to help you. And you have me, too. I'm not going anywhere- I'll be right here the entire time. Through thick and thin, alright?"

The tears in Kieran's eyes aren't from sadness. They are born from the hope that remains buried deep inside his chest. You brush them away with your thumb when they spill onto his cheeks, following up with a soft kiss.

"You promise I won't be alone? Even if they say I can't ever play again?"

"Baby, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried." You grin, happy to see the corners of his mouth lift.

"I love you."

"I love you too, even if sometimes you are Mr. Negative."