#the degree at which i desire feedback

[jokingmaiden]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Michelangelo (TMNT), Donatello (TMNT), Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo (TMNT), Casey Jones (TMNT), April O'Neil (TMNT), Splinter (TMNT), Splinter | Lou Jitsu Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Family Feels, Mystic Michelangelo (TMNT), Michelangelo-centric (TMNT), Leonardo-centric (TMNT), Michelangelo Needs a Hug (TMNT), The Turtles Need Therapy (TMNT) Summary:

Mikey wouldn't give up on him. When the portal opened, he reached for Leo, desperate to pull him away from the hell he was trapped in. Out he fell, safe and alive, in his little brother's arms again.

Right?

[leclerc-hs]

save a bull! - cl16

pairing: bull rider!charles leclerc x fem!reader summary: in which a city girl meets a cowboy OR charles finds himself infatuated with the visiting city girl warnings: language, NOT PROOFREAD, no smut (maybe in part 2 if y'all want smut), bad writing (sorry lol) word count: ~4.4k author's note: HI. did you miss me? i sure as FUCK missed y'all. so I started writing this MONTHS ago but then took a very long break from this website and writing. it might be very shitty so i apologize for that. it was originally going to be just 1 part but I found myself writing so much that I think 2 parts will be better in the end. PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME WITH ANY FEEDBACK. sorry if this sucks. love you all.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Will you please just consider it!” Abigail pleads beside you on the sidewalk, weaving through the bustling crowd with an effortless grace. The sun casts dappled shadows on the pavement, and the scent of street food mingles with the crisp urban air.

The city feels particularly relentless as you trudge along the crowded sidewalk, your third cup of coffee from the corner deli clutched in one hand, its steam mingling with the bustling street air. Your shoulders droop under the weight of fatigue, a stark contrast to the frenetic energy of the city around you. Each step towards your office tower feels heavier, as though the concrete beneath your feet has turned to lead.

The tall buildings loom overhead, their steel and glass facades glinting under the midday sun, but their gleam only seems to amplify the oppressive weight of your exhaustion. The vibrant hum of the city—a symphony of honking taxis, chattering pedestrians, and distant sirens—becomes a monotonous drone.

Your dress, once crisp and sharp, now feels more like a burden, its fabric slightly rumpled from a day spent at your desk.

“I can’t take that much time off of work,” You say, your voice tinged with frustration but softened by a hint of regret. You’re caught in that all-too-familiar tug of war between professional obligations and personal desires. You finally get the chance to turn your head to look at Abigail as you reach a crosswalk, blinking not to cross. You see the disappointment flicker in your friend’s eyes.

“I get it,” Abigail says, her voice steady and tinged with understanding, “I know how demanding your job is. But that doesn’t mean you can’t work from home. Or take personal time. I know you have that option.”

You chuckle softly, admiring her persistence to some degree. “You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.”

“When is the last time you even took a personal day.”

The answer was never. But she didn’t need to know that.

“Will you stop begging me every second of every day if I say yes?” You ask, half in jest but with a trace of genuine curiosity.

“Obviously,” she replies, her smile widening as she sees the shift in your stance.

The pedestrian light turns green, and as you start to cross the street, you take a deep breath, blinking to steady your thoughts. “Fine.”

Abigail’s face lights up with a victorious grin, her eyes sparkling with triumph. “Really?”

“Yes.”

-

Nestled amidst rolling green hills and expansive grasslands, Abigail’s small family farm is a picturesque retreat. The scene unfolds like a charming pastoral painting, with vibrant hues of green and wheat fields stretching out as far as the eye can see, interspersed with splashes of color from blooming wildflowers.

At the heart of the farm stands a quaint, cozy house, its charm amplified by a wraparound porch adorned with potted flowers. The house itself is a delightful mix of rustic and charming, with its whitewashed clapboard siding, and a steeply pitched roof. 

Adjacent to the house, a well-tended vegetable garden thrives, it’s neat rows of tomatoes, lettuce, and peppers bordered by a low wooden fence. A couple of well-worn garden tools lean against a small shed nearby, evidence of the daily care given.

Further out, a classic red barn structure where a white trimmed roof sits atop. The sounds of clucking hens and the occasional bray of donkey create a lively atmosphere. Near the barn, sits a small paddock with a couple of playful horses, their sleek coats gleaming in the sunlight. 

The fresh air of the farm is almost a sensory overload compared to the city’s fumes. Unlike the city’s dense cocktail of exhaust fumes, asphalt, and various street food vendors, the farm air is pure.

As you sit at the kitchen table, the warmth of the farmhouse envelops you. The rustic charm of the kitchen, with its large wooden table and mismatched chairs, is filled with the sounds of cheerful conversation and shared laughter.

Abigail stands at the center of the room, animatedly catches her family up on the latest happenings in her city life. Her eyes sparkle with excitement, her gestures lively and expressive. The tales of the city hustle almost seem foreign in this serene setting. 

Danny and Luke, her two older brothers, sit across from you at the table. Danny, with his sandy blond hair and easy-going demeanor, leans back in his chair, his face lit up with a relaxed smile. He listens attentively, occasionally interjecting with teasing remarks or playful banter. His presence is warm and reassuring. His wife, Gianna, sits beside him with a small baby boy on her lap.

Luke, on the other hand, exudes a quiet strength. His dark hair is neatly tousled, and his gaze is both thoughtful and amused. His demeanor calm yet engaged.

“It’s so nice to finally meet the girl who makes our Abigail so happy in the city,” Abigail’s mother continues, her voice carrying a note of heartfelt sincerity. “She’s always spoken so highly of you.”

You feel a flush of warmth at the compliment, a mix of gratitude and slight nervousness at the attention all on you. 

“Thank you so much for having me,” You smile softly. “I don’t know what I would do without Abigail in my life.”

With a playful glint in Danny’s eye, he chimes in, “I do.”

The room erupts in a chorus of laughter, the sound ringing out with genuine warmth and affection.

You decided right there you may just like it here a lot more than you thought.

-

The silk dress that adorned your body was utterly unsuitable for the rugged rodeo environment, but you didn’t really care. The delicate fabric, with its soft sheen and flowing lines, clashed vividly with the dusty, rough-and-tumble atmosphere of the rodeo.

As you moved through the arena, the contrast became more pronounced. The silk, while beautiful, struggled against the elements—dust from the arena settling onto the fabric, and the occasional splash of beer threatening to leave their mark. The sight of your delicate dress among the crowd of rugged cowboys and cowgirls in their jeans, boots, and plaid shirts drew curious glances.

But you didn’t care. You liked your clothes, the luxurious feel of the silk against your skin, the way it draped with effortless grace. The expensive fabric was a statement of your personal taste, and you embraced it fully, regardless of the setting.

“You could’ve borrowed some jeans, you know?” Abigail chirps beside you, her jeans mostly ripped and worn matched well with her cowboy boots. 

You shrug your shoulders in a noncommittal way. “I’m going to head to the bathroom before this starts. Grab me a drink?” 

“Duh. See you at the seats?” Abigail laughs before sauntering off towards a beer vendor. 

You stand still for a moment, observing Abigail and her brothers joking around as they stroll across the lively rodeo grounds. You can’t help but smile at their playful banter, you didn’t have growing up.

As you watch, lost in the charm of the moment, a rough shoulder unexpectedly collides with yours. The sudden contact jolts you out of your reverie, and you turn to see a burly cowboy in worn jeans and a dusty plaid shirt. 

You swore he was one of the hottest men you’ve ever seen in your life until he opened his big fat mouth.

“You lost?” He laughs, his green eyes bright and mischievous as he adjusts the hat on his head.

“Excuse me?” You reply, a mix of confusion and irritation threading through your voice.

“The city is a long way from here,” He drawls, the smirk on his lips widening with a hint of amusement.

The combination of his cheeky grin , the twinkle in his eye, and the dismissive tone ignites a flicker of anger within you. It feels like a mix of condescension and teasing that sends a sharp heat coursing through your veins. You roll your eyes, unable to hide your annoyance.

“Thanks for the information, jackass,” You snap, shoving past him with a forceful nudge. You march away with purpose, the silk of your dress swishing around your legs with each determined step.

Unbeknownst to you, as you walk away, he can’t help but turn his head to watch the sway of your hips in the thin, delicate fabric. His gaze lingers for a moment longer than necessary, a mixture of surprise and lingering admiration in his eyes as he takes in your retreating figure.

A hand lands firmly on his shoulder, and a voice calls out, “C’mon Charles, you need to get changed.” The words cut through his moment of distraction.

With a slight jolt, he snaps back to reality and glances over, meeting the eyes of his friend who is already gesturing towards the changing area. Reluctantly, he shifts his focus and starts to follow, his gaze now shifting into a more focused, practical demeanor.

-

Finally settled into your seat, far too close to the metal fence for your liking, and smothered between Abigail and Luke, you feel yourself relax as Luke places a tall boy can of beer in your hand, the wet condensation soaking your hand. 

“Hope you can handle a beer,” Luke states, a smile on his lips. “It’s all they had left.”

You bring the can of beer to your lips slowly, savoring the crisp, cool sensation as you take a smooth sip. With a playful glint in your eye, you send a wink in Luke’s direction. “I promise I can handle a beer,” you say with a teasing smile.

Luke’s eyes crinkle at the corners with amusement, and he lets out a hearty chuckle. He lifts his own beer in a casual salute, the gesture accompanied by a nod of approval. As he takes a sip, the cool amber liquid reflecting the warm light of the evening, he meets your gaze with a grin that mirrors your playful confidence.

“So how does this work?” You ask, turning your full attention to Luke while Abigail and Danny are engrossed in their own conversation on the other side of you.

Luke raises an eyebrow in curiosity. “How does what work?” 

You gesture broadly with your hands, waving them in animated circles as you take in the bustling rodeo arena before you. “This,” you say, trying to encompass the entire scene with your sweeping motions.

As if gaining a sense of clarity, the corners of Luke’s lips tug upward. “Why don’t you just watch and find out? It’s about to start.”

You turn your head back to the dirt ring, feeling the adrenaline of the moment as you witness a big brown bull in the chute. Its snorts are visible through the gaps in the metal fences, each exhalation a cloud of steam in the crisp air.

A handsome cowboy, his broad shoulders accentuated by a fitted vest, mounts the bull with practiced ease. He glances up with a confident, almost cocky grin that makes your heart race even faster. Your gaze follows every move he makes, captivated by the way he balances on the bull’s massive back as the gate swings open.

The bull bursts into action, hooves flying and muscles rippling as it twists and bucks in an attempt to throw the rider off. The scene is a whirlwind of motion and raw power—an exhilarating display of skill and bravery. It’s almost surreal, the sheer intensity of the bull’s movements and the cowboy’s unflinching composure.

As the bull spins in tight circle, you glance over to the timer mounted on the fence. The seconds tick away, each moment bringing the eight-second mark closer. When the buzzer finally sounds, signaling the end of the ride, the cowboy springs off the bull with an effortless grace. He tosses a hand in the air, his expression nonchalant as if the wild ride was nothing more than a casual stroll.

The crowd erupts in cheers and applause, their excitement palpable as they all stand up with shouts.

You turn your head back towards Luke, one of the biggest smiles on your face as you meet his eyes in pure astonishment. 

“How about it?” Luke chimes in, taking yet another chug of his beer.

“This is insane!” You take another sip as well.

-

Charles lived for bull riding. It was more than just a passion—it was his livelihood. The cowboy lifestyle, with its raw, untamed essence, had shaped almost every aspect of his existence. 

To him, the bull was not just an animal but a formidable partner in a high-stakes dance of power and control. Two things Charles always loved to have. Every successful ride was a testament to his skill and courage, a dance with danger that left him both exhilarated and humbled. Like this ride. Right now.

He throws his hand in the air, the rush of pure adrenaline coursing through his veins. The feel of the dirt beneath his boots, the deafening roar of the crowd, and an impressive score of 91, was enough to send him shouting in joy. He let his eyes wander the crowd around him, taking it all in like he always loves to do. He livesfor the attention.

So, when he notices a familiar woman seated right before the metal fence, paying little to no attention to the dirt ring, he can’t help but feel just a little annoyed.

He also can’t help but feel more annoyed when he takes notice of that silk fabric again, immediately remembering when he bumped into your frame mere moments ago. Your cherry lips and silky-smooth hair flash into his mind. For a second, he almost forgets the fact that he’s standing in the middle of a dirt ring.

He can’t quite shake the memory of your demeanor and the way you seemed detached from the rodeo’s thrilling chaos. The way you could care less about who he was. It’s a curious juxtaposition against the fervor of the crowd and the adrenaline that still courses through him.

One thing about Charles was that he wanted attention, yes. But right now, he only wanted yours. With that unshakable desire in mind, he strides confidently toward where you’re seated. The metal fences between you both form a barrier, but that doesn’t deter him.

As he approaches, the crowd senses a shift in the energy and falls into an anticipatory hush. Their collective gaze shifts to you and Charles, creating a palpable focus on the interaction.

Charles, his presence commanding and confident, slips his hat through the gap in the metal fence, offering it to you with a smirk. The hat, wide brimmed and well worn, represents a piece of his world.

“To help you fit in better.” His tone a mix of challenge and amusement.

Without waiting for a response, he turns on his heel and finally saunters off, his gait relaxed yet purposeful. 

-

“What just happened?” Abigail smacks your arm, the one not jolding the hat, as you walk side by side. Her brothers loom behind you, their presence adding to the charged atmosphere of the moment. “Why did Charles fucking Leclerc just give you, his hat?”

You glance at the hat, a bemused expression on your face. “That guy is a total dick is what just happened.”

Abigail’s eyes widen, her excitement barely contained. “What do you mean!” She practically shouts, her voice a mix of disbelief and thrill. “He’s like famous here. Every girl probably hates you right now.”

“Why?” You ask, genuinely puzzled.

“Are you blind?” Abigail’s voice now full sheer joy. “The dude is practically sex on fucking legs. And he’s one of the best bull riders around!”

You look back at the hat again, it suddenly feels heavier in the grasp of your fingertips. “Charles Leclerc is a big deal around here. And he just gave you, his hat. That’s a huge deal.”

You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the slight flush of embarrassment creeping up your neck. “Well, it doesn’t change the fact that he was a jackass earlier. But I guess it’s good to know he’s a big deal around here.”

Abigail bursts into laughter. “You really are something else.”

-

The narrow aisles of the tiny market, with their cramped and cluttered shelves, had you aimlessly strolling in circles. The items on your list—given to you by Abigail’s mom—seemed to elude your every turn. The overhead lights cast a harsh glare on the disorganized assortment of product, making it difficult to find what you needed. You stood there, your eyes narrowing in annoyance, at the crumpled list clutched in your hand.

“Need some help, sweetheart?”

The sound of the deep, velvety voice was enough to draw your attention away from the list. You turned to see Charles standing not even a few feet away, a smirk playing on his lips as he leaned casually against a shelf. His eyes, green as ever, created a swirl of butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

Although you were known for your stubbornness, often digging your heels in even when it wasn’t your best interest, you had to admit you were out of your depth in the tiny market. There were no signs. No directory.

“Depends,” you reply, the hint of a playful challenge in your voice. Charles raises his eyebrows, a silent prompt for you to elaborate further.

“If you call me city girl even once,” you continue, your tone firm but light-hearted, “I’ll knock you right out.”

The challenge is met with a shit-eating grin, so wide on Charles’s face that it seems almost infectious. His cheeks stretch into an exuberant smile, his eyes sparkling with amusement. And it takes him one step, and one stretch of his arm, to snag that grocery list right out of your dainty fingertips.

-

“You’re cute when you’re real mad, y’know?” He drawls, placing the groceries into the bed of the pick-up truck you borrowed from Abigail’s family.

“I’m not mad.”

“You’re right.” He says, placing the final bag into the truck and leaning against the frame of it with an arm propped up. “You’re just cute.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Charles doesn’t miss the subtle flush the tints the apples of your cheeks with a delicate shade of red. The reaction stirs a flutter in his chest, almost like an addiction that he never wants to stop. 

You’re undeniably cute, with an effortlessly enchanting beauty that makes it difficult to look away. A magnetic pull that Charles just can’t shake. It’s almost as if he’s addicted to getting a reaction out of you. 

-

It’s been days of settling into the rhythm of farm life—enjoying family dinners filmed with hearty laughter and home-cooked meals, gathering around late-night fires that crackle and warm against the cool night air, and rolling up your sleeves to help with daily chores.

Even had a few more run-in's with the famous bull riding man himself. He was sweet, but you couldn't help but feel at complete unease around him. Not in a bad way, but in a my heart won't stop pounding against my rib cage kind of way.

Like when he covered you in his flannel at the latest bonfire, taming the rising goosebumps along your body.

"I don't need this, y'know?"

"Sweetheart, you're cold. Just wear the damn thing."

Or when you bumped into him at one of the farmer's markets and it took no hesitation for him to grab all of your purchases out from under your arm.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doin?"

"Stealing my stuff"

His laugh shot butterflies right into your stomach. "You're something else, sweetheart."

You make a point to be as involved as possible, driven by the genuine desire to contribute and make a sense of responsibility. 

“Should we hit up Rusty Spur’s tonight?” Abigail asks from beside you, her voice light and relaxed as she stands wrapped in a fluffy robe, freshly showered. She’s casually brushing her long, damp hair, the strands falling in soft waves around her shoulders.

“What’s Rusty Spur’s” you ask, leaning over the bathroom sink for a closer look as you apply your last coat of mascara, adding the finishing touch to your makeup.

“The bar,” she replies nonchalantly, her tone suggesting it’s a place she frequents often. “I think we need a night out.”

You glance at her through the mirror, a smile spreading across your face at the prospect of a night out. 

“Yes.”

-

Rusty Spur’s was the kind of country bar that instantly feels like home, even if you’ve never been there before.

As you step inside, the scent of aged wood, spilled beer, and a hint of smoky warmth greets you. The place is packed. 

The flimsy spaghetti straps of your short white dress dig into the skin of your shoulders, their delicate fabric offering little support. Despite its ethereal look, the dress feels unexpectedly snug against your skin. The soft white fabric sways with each step you take as you slip your body in between the crowds of people.

Abigail leads you to a cozy corner of the bar. Almost instantly, a bartender approaches, his familiarity with Abigail evident in the easy smile and warm greeting he offers.

You can’t help but notice just how easy on the eyes he is. He’s dressed, like almost every guy in this bar, in snug jeans and a flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up, revealing strong forearms. His casual yet confident demeanor, coupled with the slight scruff on his beard and his easygoing smile, makes him stand out in the dimly lit bar. 

Within the span of five minutes, a chilled, neck-bottled beer is placed gently into your hand. Taking in the view of the crowd, which is large but not overwhelmingly so, you scan the faces around you. As your gaze moves across the room, no one stands out as particularly familiar—until your eyes land on a table not too far away.

There, seated with a group of friends, is Charles. His presence is unmistakable. Even from a distance, he exudes a charismatic confidence, the kind that draws attention without even trying. He’s relaxed in his posture, laughing and engaging with his companions, the flannel from earlier now swapped for a casual shirt. 

“Wanna dance?” Abigail chimes in your ear, her beer already half gone in the span of a minute.

-

It was almost as if Charles could feel your presence without even seeing you. The dim light of the bar cast flickering shadows. He leaned back against the worn leather of his chair, his senses heightened.

You found yourself completely immersed in the music, your body moving almost involuntary as your shoes glide smoothly across the weathered wooden floor. You’re not exactly sure when it happened, but your body eventually became pressed up against a random guy you’ve only just met on the dance floor. His presence both surprising and pleasant. He’s cute—definitely cute. His hands are gentle on your waist, guiding you through the steps with a natural rhythm. 

He twirls you effortlessly around, guiding your movement with a deft touch that brings a burst of joy. As you complete the spin, you find yourself facing him once more, his eyes twinkling down at you.

With a playful flourish, he slips his cowboy hat onto your head. You can feel the subtle press of the brim against your forehead, much too big for your head. You tilt your head back and laugh, the sound a melodic blend of joy and unrestrained happiness woven into the music. 

In this embrace, everything seems to align perfectly—the rhythm of the music, the warmth of the body, and the whimsical charm of the cowboy hat resting lightly atop your head.

“Do you want t-” The words began to leave the man’s lips, but they were abruptly cut off as a firm muscled arm shoved him away from your embrace. The unexpected force sent him stumbling back, surprise flashing across his face and yours.

The man recovered his footing, confusion turning into indignation as he glared at the one who interrupted. Charles. Meanwhile, you stood your ground, heart racing, caught between the thrill of the moment and unexpected clash.

If looks could kill.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

Large fingers reach for the brim of the hat atop your head, snatching it right off before Charles shoves it back into the man’s chest. “Don’t ever put a hat on her head again.” 

His voice was rough and terse, cutting through the ambient noise like a blade. “Let’s go,” He says, not giving the man or you a chance to react. In an instant, his fingers snake around your wrist, pulling you away from the dance floor and into the shadows of a secluded table ticked into the corner of the bar.

The abrupt shift caught you off guard, and your heart raced as he led you through the sea of bodies. The air between you was thick with unspoken words as he tucks you between him and the edge of the table. His grip on your wrist loosens, but his proximity is too close.

“What the hell was that?” Your senses heightened as your eyes locked onto his. The usual light green of his irises, often warm and inviting, was now obscured by a much darker hue, swirling with intensity and something primal. 

His gaze was pointed, sharp, and unyielding. You sensed a storm brewing behind those darkened eyes, and the air around you crackled with anticipation. 

“He put his hat on you, sweetheart.” You scoff almost instantly, bubbling anger simmers in your chest as you let out a soft laugh over the situation.

“Really?” You throw your head back for a mere second as the laugh pushes past your throat. “You shoved him over a hat?”

His eyes remain narrowed, the amusement that might have danced there moments ago, no longer present. “Do you even know what that means?” He presses, his voice low and intense as he leans into your ear, the weight of his words hanging between you.

“What a hat means?” Confusion flickers across your features. The question so out of place, and yet the gravity of his tone suggests otherwise.

Before you can grasp the implications, you felt his fingers sneak their way to you, warmth and firmness splayed along your waist. The contact sent a jolt of awareness through you, igniting the tension the crackled in the air. It was a possessive gesture. 

His gaze never wavers, and the connection between you deepens.

“You wear that hat; you ride that cowboy.”

For a moment, you freeze. 

“And in no fucking world, would I let you wear anyone’s but mine.”

[bvidzsoo]

Grease and Oil

⨳Mechanic!Mingi⨳

TW: cursing, smut wrap it before you tap it

Word count: 5,6k

A/N: I don't think I'll ever let go of bleached spikey haired Mingi. It changed something in me, I'll never be the same. I have nothing to say except...why did I even write this? Song Mingi stop haunting me, thank you. It's not the best, but the best I can write lol. Feedback is very much appreciated!

            The smell of grease, oil, and gasoline weren’t something unfamiliar to me, nor were they nauseating. It was something I was used to. These were familiar scents; scents which I have started associating with home. Cars, too, were something I associated with a feeling of familiarity, of something dear to me. Walking inside my father’s car service was like a second home, a place I knew like the back of my hand. I wasn’t huge on fixing cars, but I knew a few things here and there. Despite my father’s attempts at making me a great mechanic one day, I struggled to understand the in-depth parts and mechanism of a car, therefore I settled on appreciating their beauty. Can’t say my father was too happy about it, but his concerns faded away when I found a path for myself. I applied to a college, choosing to study literature as I struggled finding anything else I liked. Perhaps creative writing was a subjected I happened to enjoy too, but I had no idea where my degree would take me one day. I had no intentions of teaching English literature, the children these days were awful and very disrespectful. My short temper would’ve surely gotten the worst of me if placed in a situation where I had to deal with rude kids. And so, I settled on reading my books and pouring my feelings out into short poems when I wasn’t at college. Or by wasting my time away at my father’s car service. It’s not like I had anything better to do—I actually did, but procrastination is my best friend. Besides, most of his employees are above the age of thirty-five, and two of them I have known since I was a little girl, they could be really fun to hang around…and it’s not like I would often stop by because my father has an employee who is barely a few years older than myself. And it’s definitely not because he is the hottest man alive I have ever seen. He’s a tall and lean guy, his posture immaculate with his shoulders always pulled back, his long legs worth envying and shoulders so broad you could hide behind them and nobody would see you. In the summer, he usually wears tight tank tops, showing off his humble muscles, biceps finer than most guy’s of his age. And his pants, which are fireproof, cling onto his body, showing off his narrow waist. This guy was a sight for sore eyes and I couldn’t blame the few ladies who would occasionally stop by, completely taken aback by this guy’s visuals. It wasn’t fair that he had a perfect body, especially when his face was good-looking too. God sometimes had favorites and Song Mingi definitely was one of them with his long nose, sharp eyes and cherry red lips, a singular mole underneath his left eye decorating his flawless skin. His personality also made him desirable and that just made him a dangerously charming and handsome human being. Perhaps my frequent visits to the service during the summer were sort of his merit too, not just the want to spend some quality time with my father as he spent little time at home. I knew he was busy; I couldn’t blame him. His service was one of the best in our little town and money didn’t just magically appear, you had to work hard for it and that’s what he did, he worked his ass off all the time. The fact that he has employed Song Mingi was just the cherry on top, the little motivation I needed to perhaps learn more about cars.

I was settled on top of my father’s working desk, tools pushed to the side, feet dangling as I watched him work on a car’s engine, getting more and more furious by the second as he couldn’t find one missing screw. I watched quietly as his phone rang again, making him sigh loudly before he straightened himself up and took the call, eyebrows furrowed. It was a hot summer day, the AC did little to nothing inside the hot service, and the use of different electrical tools only created more heat inside the spacious room. I had started fanning myself, overhearing my father make an appointment as an obnoxiously loud engine whirled past the entrance to the service, making my heart skip an excited beat. It was lunch break, and Mingi had just returned from eating his meal. He was gone by the time I had arrived; I was rather lazy this morning and thus didn’t bother getting out of bed before 12 pm. My father turned towards me as he finished his call, looking rather irritated. It wasn’t directed at me; however, I still knew a lecturing would follow because I sat on his tool desk…again.

“Get off, Y/N, I asked you so many times not to sit there,” He sighed tiredly as he headed for the exit, “I have to examine a car, are you coming to the front?”

Certainly not before I have seen Mingi, “I’ll wash my hands first, they feel slimy, meet you at the reception, dad.”

He nodded once and hurried outside, phone already ringing once again. Summer seasons were always busy, work pilling up quickly. I started fanning myself with my hands as another heatwave hit me, making me sigh. Not even a tank top and shorts were enough to stop me from sweating buckets. I pushed my hair behind my shoulders and gripped the table, about to jump off it, when the man I stayed behind for finally showed up. He walked through the open garage door, having to duck as it wasn’t raised enough for his towering height. He had his back to me as he walked inside, carrying two boxes, muscles of his arms bulging as a few guys greeted him, instructing him where to place the boxes. However, nothing could’ve prepared me for the wave of shook which rooted me to my spot. My mouth hung open as my eyes remained trained on Mingi, and I could only hope nobody noticed my shameless gaping. Three days ago, when I have stopped by last, the man’s hair reached his shoulders almost and was a faded light brown. Now, his hair was completely bleached blonde and stood up in all places, spikey. A hairstyle definitely shouldn’t have made my tummy do flips, yet I had nothing to swallow as I watched Mingi laugh with a fellow mechanic, explaining something to him animatedly. His black tank top was tucked inside his beige pants, a black belt holding it against his hips securely. A black bandana was tied to his left bicep and I licked my lips as my eyes ran over his frame, stopping for a second too long on his ass. Perhaps crawling onto the wall sounded like the most normal thing to do right now. Just as I was about to look away, the man he was talking to briefly glanced at me and Mingi suddenly turned his head, eyes falling on me. Looking away right now would mean admitting that I had been staring at him, so I forced myself to smile nonchalantly at him and blame the flush on my cheeks on the extremely hot weather—which combined with Mingi’s presence only made my body heat up even more. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I’d do anything to get railed by Mingi while he wore his working clothes with grease smeared on his cheek. My heart skipped a beat as a lazy smirk appeared on his lips as he took off towards me, making me gulp in panic as I straightened my posture.

“Hello, princess.” He called once he was close enough and I rolled my eyes at the nickname, acting as if I totally hated it. It did bother me at the beginning when he started calling me that, but I didn’t mind anymore. And it certainly shouldn’t have made me blush.

“Hi, Mingi.” I greeted him back, smiling as I crossed my legs and leaned forward, holding myself up by my hands. My knuckles hurt from the grip I had on the table, but I ignored that.

“What brings you here today?” He asked nonchalantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. I didn’t want to look, but his biceps were bulging and I’m just a simple woman, “Thought you washed your car when you stopped by last time.”

Ah, yes, the good old excuse of washing my car when it didn’t need washing yet. To be fair, I had a cleaning problem so that was the main reason why I washed my car so often, Mingi being here was just another thing to motivate me to stop by more frequently.

“I did, I’m not here for that.” I admitted, clearing my throat as Mingi’s sharp eyes narrowed slightly, mischievous glint appearing in his eyes. He hummed shortly, the sound deep in his throat, reminding me how hot I found his raspy and deep voice. He had once whispered in my ear as he snuck up on me, wanting to scare me, and I swear to God, I almost reached Heaven that day.

“Are you here for me then?” The cute pout of his lips and the finger he pushed against his cheek definitely didn’t match the sultriness of his words and the look in his eyes. It made me take a deep breath as I forced myself to roll my eyes, embarrassed that he had a feeling I was only here to see him. I mean…I did wear my favorite off-shoulder top just because I knew we would see each other.

“Why the sudden change of hairstyle?” I decided to change the subject, but it only made Mingi smirk as he looked at me almost victorious, almost as if he knew I didn’t answer him because he was right. Mingi ruffled his already spikey hair with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Just wanted something new,” He answered, “besides, it’s so hot these days, my long locks only made me sweat more. I feel like a new man right now. What do you think, do I look nice?”

Nice was little said, I would’ve described him more like: hot, sexy, attractive, gorgeous, mouth-watering, “Yeah, you look nice. It suits you.”

Mingi smiled happily and bowed lightly before his phone beeped. I didn’t understand how a man like him could be so cute while looking like a Greek God. My eyebrows slightly furrowed as I watched Mingi chuckle and smile down at his phone, quickly typing something on it. Perhaps he was seeing someone? Of course, why would a man like him be single? It shouldn’t come as a surprise; I should have thought about that sooner. But then again, he never mentioned a significant other. With a sigh, I jumped off the table and dusted off my shorts, running my hands through my hair. Mingi paused, looking up at me through his long lashes. I forced a smile on my face, suddenly discouraged by my own thoughts, as I grabbed my phone off the table.

“Got to go, dad’s waiting for me.” I mumbled as Mingi’s eyes slightly narrowed, eyes swiftly running over my body. He nodded wordlessly and I turned around, taking off towards the exit.

“That top looks really nice on you.” My steps halted for a second as I looked back at him and chuckled before exiting the garage, walking towards the reception, ignoring the butterflies in my stomach at the simple compliment. I should probably download a dating app and find someone available to obsess over.

            The blaring music and blinding disco lights in the living room were becoming too much as my tipsy head swirled around like a disco ball, throat parched up and dry from the lack of water. Certainly the amount of alcohol I have had was enough for the night as I pushed people out of my way, slightly wobbling as I headed for the kitchen, desperately needing water. A super rich guy from college threw a huge ass party and invited some guys over from our college, one of them being one of my close friends. I wasn’t one to turn down a good party, and when the alcohol was free, I would certainly attend it. Seonghwa and I had teamed up and played beer-pong together, kicking Wooyoung and San’s asses, but losing to Hongjoong and Yunho. We should have known better not to challenge those two competitive monsters. All in all, the night was fun and after having lost Sooyoung to some hot guy, I hit the dancefloor with Wooyoung and San, the three of us dancing our hearts out to every song. After a while, I grew concerned and started calling Sooyoung, making my two dancing companions almost take my phone away after six missed calls. But it didn’t take long for Sooyoung to finally text me, telling me she was upstairs with a Yeosang named guy smoking some weed, and that she’d be down in no time. I rolled my eyes at the text, huffing as I handed Wooyoung my phone to take care of. My skirt had no pockets and I forgot to bring a fanny-pack, I have grown tired of holding my phone, Wooyoung’s back pocket would do the trick until Sooyoung returned and I could give my phone for her to put in her little purse. The music wasn’t as loud in the kitchen as it was in the living room and it was also less packed, which made me grateful as I walked over to the window and pushed it open, smiling contently at the cool air which hit my face. I certainly needed to cool down. I grabbed a red cup which looked relatively unused and filled it with tap water, downing it in mere seconds only to fill it up again and again until I felt satiated. I threw the cup away and leaned against the counter, holding my thumping head in my hands as I closed my eyes for a second, thinking it would help. But it only made me more nauseous and I quickly opened my eyes as I massaged my forehead, still leaning slightly over. Somebody next to me asked if I was okay and I quickly nodded, telling them that I just needed a moment to regain composure again, and I’ll be off dancing once again. However, a weirdly familiar deep voice suddenly filled the kitchen, some high-pitched giggle following straight after the ridiculous joke the guy told. My nose scrunched up at the very cheesy pickup line which followed and I snorted, unintentionally catching their attention as they didn’t stand too far away.

“Y/N?” The deep voice asked surprised and my eyebrows furrowed as I finally raised my head, smoothing down my hair as it fell in my face.

“Oh, Mingi.” I muttered just a little surprised by his presence here. I wondered how he knew about the party, however, the black-haired girl by his side was a tell-tale. She was a student at my college and she was pretty as fuck. I sighed, and unintentionally glared at her, unimpressed by her presence next to Mingi. It’s not like I knew her well to form an opinion about her, but personally, I didn’t like her that much. Especially since Mingi seemed to be here with her. My eyes fall back onto him and my brain blanched for a second, never having seen him outside of the car service up until now. Him not wearing his tight-fitting clothes was something new and I couldn’t help but let my eyes run all over his body, taking in the sight in front of me. He wore a loose-fitting white t-shirt, the front slightly tucked inside his grey ripped jeans which were baggy. He wore a black pair of convers, and a black fanny-pack was pushed around to his backside to not bother him. However, what made me take a second to process what I was seeing were his accessories. His necklaces were layered as he wore a red braided like material which sat snugly against the base of his neck, then a silver chain followed, and a silver cross which reached just bellow his collarbones. His wrists were decorated with silver chain bracelets, matching the chain around his neck and he wore various rings, some bigger than the other, his right-hand sporting four meanwhile his left three. If all of that combined with his hair wasn’t enough, his fingernails were also painted black, albeit already coming off in some spots, but still painted black. He was a sight for sore eyes and it took everything in me to not grip his arm and walk us upstairs, completely disregarding the girl he was here with.

And she just had to speak up, “Oh, you two know each other?”

“Yeah, her dad’s my boss.” Mingi answered before I could and I raised an eyebrow as the girl took me in, unexpectedly smiling at me as she placed an arm around Mingi’s shoulders. My jaw tensed subconsciously and I licked my lips as I leaned back against the counter, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“We go to the same college,” She told Mingi, offering her hand to me, “I don’t think we’ve ever really introduced each other, though. My name is Jennie, I’m Mingi’s cousin.”

“Cousin?” My eyebrows raised as I shook Jennie’s hand, “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Mingi playfully pushed Jennie off himself as he answered my question and Jennie just rolled her eyes.

“Whatever, giant, if I leave you alone with Y/N, will you behave?” She raised her eyebrows threateningly at Mingi and he just chuckled, raising his hands in surrender.

“I always behave.” He defended himself quickly, but sounded like he didn’t mean it at all.

“No, you don’t.” Jennie rolled her eyes then looked back at me, “I have to find my boyfriend, he’s somewhere here around, probably drunk off his ass. If Mingi bothers you, just knee him in the stomach really hard and come and find me, I’ll kick his ass for you—”

“I’m right here, you know.” Mingi rolled his eyes and ruffled Jennie’s hair, “Get lost before I chase you away.”

Jennie scoffed but walked away after she waved at me, leaving me alone with Mingi. My hostile behavior slightly dropped, but I couldn’t help look at Mingi with narrowed eyes. I knew what I heard while I was fighting the urge of throwing up. Why would anyone flirt with their cousin? That was disgusting.

“If Jennie is your cousin…why would you say a pickup line to her?” I couldn’t help but ask him accusingly. It made Mingi laugh as he stepped closer, smiling cheekily.

“Eavesdropping, weren’t you?” I opened my mouth to deny his claim, but Mingi didn’t let me, “First of, ew, that’s literally my cousin do I look like I fuck with family? And second, that pickup line was actually sent by someone whom I have been talking to, and I was just reading it to Jennie.”

“How many girls are you talking to currently?” The question tumbled past my lips before I could even think about it. I only could blame the alcohol for making me so straightforward and embarrassing.

“Wouldn’t you like to know…” Mingi chuckled and stepped closer, invading my personal space. I gulped and pressed myself harder into the counter, hands coming to grip the edge of it. A smirk appeared on Mingi’s lips as he leaned down to be eye level with me, eyes searching my face before they settled on my lips briefly. My head was spinning and perhaps I was seeing things, but his tongue poked out for a second, “You look really hot.”

I gulped and let out a quiet breath, looking down at myself. The leather skirt clung onto me like a second skin and the flower decorated corset did little to nothing to cover what I would usually hide. It was Sooyoung’s idea to dress up like this, she wore a matching set except her corset was green meanwhile mine pink.

“Uh, thanks.” I whispered and didn’t dare move as Mingi lowered his head even more, looking through his lashes as he looked me in the eyes. He’s never stood this close to me before; it only now made me realize the height difference between us. And I couldn’t help but faintly smell gasoline despite his strong cologne.

“Dressed up for someone?” He muttered and I felt a warm finger lightly trace the skin of my right arm. I gulped nervously and ignored the goosebumps on my skin.

“I didn’t know you’d be here—” I tried changing the subject, it seemed to be a habit of mine lately.

“But if you did know, would you have dressed up for me?” Mingi’s raspy voice whispered in my ear as he leaned closer, my mouth opening without a sound coming out. My tipsy brain didn’t exactly know how to function in that moment and that meant I had nothing to say. But as he pulled back, we made eye contact, and his intimidating gaze pulled an answer out of me instantly.

“Yes.” I would totally hate myself in the morning for admitting that, but I couldn’t help myself. Not when he was standing so close and saying things like that. A smirk pulled onto Mingi’s lips and suddenly his hand raised as he gripped a strand of my hair lightly and twirled it around, brushing it behind my ear. I watched him mesmerized, body slightly trembling because of different things. The opened window brought in the chill breeze and we stood close to the it; Mingi’s closeness and touch made me want to crash my lips against his, and I was fighting every fiber in my body to stop myself from doing that, thankfully not tipsy enough to lose all rationality.

“I think I know about your little secret, princess.” Mingi’s tone was playful as he suddenly cupped my cheek and tilted my head back, hovering his face over mine, eyes tracing my features slowly. I hoped my red lipstick wasn’t smudged and that it would be smudged in no time.

“What secret?” I asked confused, biting my lower lip as Mingi’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed, his fingers slipping towards my nape as his thumb pushed against my cheek.

“About your little crush—” He barely whispered, eyes on my lips as my mouth parted, heart beating like crazy, “on me.”

Before I could answer him, his teeth caught my lower lip between his and he sucked on the flesh, making my face flush as I mewled, hand holding onto his waist for more stability as the counter wasn’t enough anymore. He held eye contact as he released my lip and I felt like crumbling onto my knees and giving him anything he wanted as my grip tightened on him, head pulled closer to his by the grip he had on my nape. Mingi’s lips barely brushed against mine and I tried to close the impossibly little distance between us, but he just tsked and smirked.

“Good girls eventually get what they want, princess, be a bit more patient.” I couldn’t help but groan in frustration as Mingi released me and took a step back, smirking as he swiped his thumb over my lower lip, smudging my lipstick. I threw him a glare, but he just laughed and then turned around and walked off with a cup he grabbed off from the counter. I couldn’t help but lick my lower lip, pressing a palm against my racing heart as I tapped the sweat off my forehead, needing another cup of water to cool off.

            And I didn’t even have to wait for too long. Four days after the party, my father asked me to stop by the car service because he couldn’t decide what color to choose for the tuning he was doing for one of his friend’s car. I couldn’t have been happier to stop by as I made it my personal mission to stay away from that place for as long as possible, embarrassed by what happened between Mingi and I at the party, but also because I wanted to torture him a bit too. I could only hope he yearned to see me as much as I yearned for him. My father was out, having to pick up some pieces in the nearest city, which was half an hour away, so that meant he’d be gone for approximately an hour and a half. Everyone was gone by now from the car service as working hours were over, everyone except Mingi, of course. He had to catch up on his work as he had to skip a day for some undisclosed business. And yes, Mingi should’ve been working right now on that old car nobody actually wanted to fix, but here he was, balls deep in my pussy, thrusting into me like his life depended on it. I guess he was just a simple man too, and he fell exactly into my trap as I walked through the garage door wearing my little sundress, high heels elongating my legs. It didn’t take long for Mingi to stop whatever he was doing as he dragged me to the backroom, where there were no cameras, and pushed up on the table, wasting no time in undressing himself and working up the both of us. My head was thrown back from the constant pleasure his movements brought, his length reaching places no one else has before, my right hand gripping his bare waist as I rolled my hips to meet his thrusts. Mingi was biting his lips hard, holding onto my hips as I had to hold myself up with one arm, muscle straining with each strong thrust. Perhaps I should have expected him to be vocal, but the whines he would let out every now and then only turned me on even more, dragging my own moans out of me. Grease stuck to his left cheek, just underneath his mole and his already sweaty body from working was glistening once again, smelling strongly of the substance he has been working with to clean rims of the old car.

“I bet you’ve been fantasizing about me fucking you covered in grease and all sweaty from the long day I’ve had.” My only answer was a loud moan as he hit the sweet spot which made me see stars, and for a second, all I could hear were his own pants and the table squeaking louder and louder with each thrust.

“You have no idea—” I moaned as I clenched around Mingi, mind blanching for a second as he hit that spot again, “How fucking hot you look—like this.”

My fingertips dug into his hips and Mingi suddenly leaned down, pressing my back flat against the wooden table, rotating his hips as he suddenly slowed down. My mouth opened in a gasp and my legs went around his hips, one hand tangling in his blonde spikey hair as the other went around his shoulders to anchor myself. Mingi groaned in my ear as I clenched around his length again, his thrusts painfully slow on purpose, making me try to move my hips, but he had me pinned down by his heavier body.

“Fuck, please—” My whine was muffled by his lips as he pressed them against mine, pushing his tongue past my lips as I kissed him hungrily, wanting to feel more and more of him. Our lips moved messily against each other as Mingi slightly quickened his pace, but it still wasn’t enough. My eyebrows were furrowed as it started becoming unbearable and I whined, pulling my head away and choking on my words for a second, “I’m going to fucking die if you don’t go faster.”

I couldn’t believe Mingi had the audacity to smirk as he bit my lower lip harshly, making me push his head away as he chuckled amused, fake pouting at me.

“Thought I said good girls get what they want—” He completely stilled, bringing tears into my eyes out of frustration as I gripped his nape, trying to move against him to no avail, “And you’re being rather impatient right now.”

But before I could say anything, the slightly stood up and pulled almost fully out before slamming in again, his pace relentless and thrusts sharp as he threw his head back, moaning, making me grip onto his lower arm as he hit my g-spot over and over again, making my back arch as broken moans left my lips, nails digging into his skin. I was going fucking insane as his thumb found my clit and he started rubbing circles on it, making me cry out as I felt my orgasm building up, ready to snap any second as Mingi’s moans got higher and higher, my walls clenching tightly around him, bringing him closer to the edge as well.

“Fuck.” He hissed at a particular sharp thrust, his hips almost stuttering but I managed to meet his movements, desperate for my own release as I clawed at the wooden table, back arching as the pleasure became unbearable and the knot in my stomach snapped, making me let out a high-pitched moan, only for Mingi’s lips to muffle it as his hips stuttered, his own release following mine, filling me up. My body trembled and my lungs heaved for air as I came down from the high, our lips touching with Mingi as we both panted into each other’s mouths. His scent was intoxicating and I couldn’t help but burry my head into his neck and lightly bite down on his perfect skin, making him shudder. He didn’t pull out yet and I felt him twitch slightly, making me chuckle.

“So, I’m hot when I’m all sweaty and covered in grease?” He spoke up, voice raspy, and his words made me laugh as I allowed my head to rest against the wooden table, throwing an arm over my eyes. I could feel Mingi’s smile as he pressed a kiss against the corner of my mouth, swiftly pulling out.

“I said it once, I won’t say it again.” I peeked at him as he quickly pulled up his boxers and tight pants, adjusting his tank top.

“If I knew all I had to do was change my hairstyle for you to finally let me fuck you—” Mingi shook his head as he helped me off the table, smirking when I had to lean against it for support, my legs having gone numb, “I would’ve done it a lot earlier.”

“Perhaps if you weren’t so oblivious,” I threw him a glare and pulled up my panties, adjusting my dress, “You would’ve noticed how badly I wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you, idiot.”

Mingi laughed and threw an arm around my shoulders as he pulled me into himself, “Now that that’s out of the way…do you want to date or do you want us to just fuck?”

His question made me pause as I looked up in his eyes, biting my lower lip in thought, “You want to go out with me?”

“I sure do.” Mingi said it like it was the most obvious thing, then he jutted his chin towards mine, “What about you?”

“What do you think?” I asked with a chuckle.

“That we should go for a second round—”

“Mingi!” I pressed my palm over his mouth and threw him a little glare, “My father could be back anytime, you know. And yes, I do want to date you. Unless you’re always this annoying.”

Mingi fake laughed as he pushed my hand off his mouth, “Aren’t you just so funny?”

I stuck my tongue out at him and he tried kissing it, making me yelp and push him away, which made Mingi giggle as he placed his hands in his pockets, “So, tomorrow at six?”

“But you better shower before you come pick me up.” I pointed a finger at him as we went to leave the room.

“I thought I smelled hot—”

“You can’t smell hot, so just—” I sighed and looked at him, “Just—dress up. You—I mean, you know, you looked really good at the party. I haven’t seen you out of your work clothes before.”

“Aw, aren’t you so shy right now and stuttering all of a sudden?” He cooed and poked my cheek, “As if I wasn’t inside you—”

“Y/N, you still here?!” I heard my father’s voice shout from afar and I threw Mingi a warning look as I pushed him away. He walked towards the car he had to fix defeated, throwing me those sad puppy eyes and a pout as my father walked inside the garage.

“Hi.” I waved at him and he smiled, glancing at Mingi.

“You can fix it tomorrow too, you know?” My father said as he went to put his own utensils away. Mingi hummed but said he didn’t have much until he was done, liar. My father glanced at me and I looked away from Mingi, smiling at my father innocently. He just shook his head and threw his keys at me, making me clumsily catch them.

“Go pick up your mother, I’ll stay behind and help Mingi fix the car.” He muttered tiredly as he walked up to my soon-to-be-boyfriend, oblivious to what Mingi would soon become to him as well. Not just an employee, but perhaps a part of our family too. I jokingly saluted my father as I stopped in the doorway, turning to look at Mingi, who was already watching me.

“Goodbye, Mingi.”

“Bye, Y/N.” Mingi tried to fight the smile off his lips as I turned around and ran off with a giggle, cheeks burning suddenly with embarrassment.

Good girls eventually get what they want, don’t they?

Masterlist

[amourdivine]

୨ ♡ ୧ WHO IS HAUNTED BY YOU? PAC  ઉ

Hello lovelies, welcome to another pick a card for my Halloween special 👻 This is a reading about who is haunted by you. I hope you enjoy! Feedback is highly appreciated. If you liked this reading, please consider tipping me at @ amourdivinetarot@gmail.comvia paypal! xo ♡

☁️ ˚ QUICKLINKS . ༉ ‧

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›    none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise. ›    personal readings are closed.

HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR PILE.  take a few deep breaths and look at each picture separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later!

pile one.

the devil, knight of swords, eight of wands

This is a person in a relationship, someone who is not happy with where they are. It seems they're tied to something or someone, perhaps this is a relationship they feel tied to and currently see no way out of. It can be a friend, a co-worker... even a boss. Being with you would bring out certain societal implications they're not prepared for. This person is running from their attraction towards you, but it's very hard to resist you.

They may find themselves glancing at your pictures, social media or typing out texts and deleting them. I wrote 'hands' instead of 'wands' by accident at the beginning of your pile, so there's a big likelihood that they cannot keep their hands to themselves when they see or think of you. If you notice this person is extra fidgety or touchy around you, it's because they get a thrill out of it. The forbidden aspect of it both pains and excites them. To be honest, I don't see them getting out of this toxic relationship anytime soon, so do not expect much. Regardless, you set this person on fire.

channeled words and messages: meme, dm's, sneaky link, ride or die, lana del rey, freak, toxic masculinity, therapy, curse, silence ring, marriage, engagement.

pile two.

wheel of fortune, the moon, knight of pentacles

You probably don't know this person that well. This may be someone you've come across on multiple occasions in an unexpected way, but couldn't talk to all that much. Someone who's in your class or a new co-worker... maybe a friendly, quiet neighbor or a friend of a friend. You've made quite a lasting impression on this person and they want to get to know you. They may have had dreams with you, something which confused them and deeply troubled them. How is it possible to feel like you know someone and not know them at all?

They may have tried to avoid you, with no success. Currently, they're trying to figure out a way to approach you without looking crazy. They seem shy, a bit anxious as well. This person may be asking their friends for help on how to talk to you, they may have tried to find a common hobby or class so they can increase their chances of being around you.

channeled words and messages: social anxiety, history class, college, sage green, leather couch, autumn, latte, late for class, "sorry i bumped into you", "i'm so nervous".

pile three.

the emperor, ace of swords, eight of wands

A very proud person (lol). You could be involved romantically with this person to some degree. If not romantically, at least physically. This person doesn't want to admit they caught feelings for you, so they're trying to be cold and rational, hoping that the intensity of their desire for you wears off. They're not used to being genuinely interested in a person. They're not used to wanting to talk to someone.

You excite this person's mind, you pique their interest. You may have stood up to them in some way, or you could have said something that lingered in their mind. You have challenged them and though it irks them that someone had the audacity to do so, they're quite impressed with your charm, your witty attitude. Although we have the Eight of Wands which typically suggests physical attraction, I can't help but feel this person is interested you beyond your body and looks.

channeled words and messages: 888, lawyer, entj, intj, sapiosexual, bookshelf, simone de beauvoir, feminism, jane austen, introvert, "i don't like people", pride, leo, respect.

pile four.

strength, two of cups, knight of wands

The person who is haunted by you is someone you're also haunted by (hehe). The feelings, attraction and relationship is mutual. It is balanced and fair. For some, this is a friend you have yet to confess to. For others, this is a crush you're not sure likes you back. Either way, this is your confirmation that this person does like you and does want you.

I'm getting a "first love" feeling. It could be both or one of you is too shy to tell the other, maybe you're scared of rejection or ruining what you already have. However, it's quite obvious to the people around you that you should be together. It seems a step of bravery is required in order to be with one another, because the love, the respect and companionship is already there. This relationship is already built on a good foundation, so trust that you can hold this person's hand and they will not let go. I'm very happy for you, pile four!

channeled words and messages: childhood best friend, painting, high school, pop songs, spotify, shared playlist, inside jokes, heather, jokester, austin, teasing, "between the lines", slow burn, skinny love.

amourdivine. © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

DISCLAIMER. tarot is a divination tool, it’s not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i don’t take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings. be mindful ♡

[genericpuff]

As someone who can't afford to go to animation school n adores your work- are there any advice or tips they taught you could share that transfer to art or comics? I know you talked about learning how to properly reference things which I admit I think I and a lot of other artists struggle with knowing how to do

Ironically enough, as much as I learned that I do NOT have the patience for animating (which is... ironic, considering all the patience that's required to make a comic LMAO) I did still learn a lot from it that I was able to take into comics. Storyboarding was one of the more obvious ones, as storyboards are basically just the "still versions" of an animation before it's been animated, with establishing shots, camera pans, dialogue shots, etc. all of which you'd find utilized in a comic.

Alongside that was learning how to draw consistently. Turnaround sheets are a shared practice in both animation and comics, they're necessary to creating an ongoing project that features the same core cast of characters. Learning how to draw the same characters the exact same way every time in a way that's both consistent and efficient is crucial.

That said, aside from those little starting tips, I do hope that some day you're able to find the means to go to school for animation or whatever it is that you're desiring to go into and learn. Yes, post-secondary schooling is expensive, and there are a lot of risks in pursuing a diploma/degree that can affect your future. That said, as someone who went to a school that literally no longer exists (like fr I don't even know if I can get my transcript anymore so for all I know, the year I spent in animation college only exists in the student loans that I'm still paying off, rip) I still learned and gained so much that I simply wouldn't have in high school or on Youtube. The biggest of which was the environment - being put into an actual dedicated space for learning art, with peers and teachers who were all unified in that space working towards the same goal, made so much more of a difference in my learning than I initially anticipated. I got so much feedback and guidance thanks to my instructors, and it really put me into a space where I was forced to try new things, I couldn't keep relying on the same tricks and comfort zones anymore. If it weren't for my instructors pushing me to step outside of that comfort zone, I never would have learned how to draw from life or use other mediums that subsequently became the foundations of the stuff I make today.

And while a lot of the things they taught I could have learned on Youtube or CTRL+Paint or Draw-a-Box, being in an actual classroom with grades and a schedule to abide by actually kept me moving in a forward direction and gave me so much more help on a personal level than some guy on Youtube could have given me reading from a script or, in this case, some rando on Tumblr responding to anonymous asks LMAO

Obviously, I'm never gonna recommend that anyone put themselves into financial ruin for post-secondary schooling, ESPECIALLY right now with the economy being what it is, but I do hope that if you genuinely want to go to school that you can find the means to do so, whether it's opting for community classes or applying for scholarships/bursaries/grants/etc or even just signing up for a local art class. Do your research on what's available and feasible to you - even art clubs can be super helpful in getting you out there and talking to people! As much as we may all be slaving away over our desks creating our next big piece, art is still a form of community and interpersonal communication - whether it's between you and an audience, or a peer with whom you exchange new ideas and feedback, or a mentor whose skills you hope to inherit and pass on to the next generation.

Until then though, keep creating and keep getting inspired. If you've never drawn from life before, set up a bowl of fruit and draw it as closely as you can to the real thing, or go to the food court and see how quickly you can sketch the people walking by before they're gone. If you've never tried storyboarding before, grab a piece of paper, find a scene from a live action movie you like, and storyboard it as if you were making an animated film. Try things! Fail at it! Try it again! See what happens!

[hellonerf]

through it all caname having the same face is pretty crucial to it all. because i'm crazy

under the cut because i'm a little crazy and i don't want to deal with people going why are you so crazy. i was just thinking about how they behave to each other and concern and selfishness. i think i portray them a certain way because i rarely think when i draw but anyways. they still project onto each other to insane degrees and them having the same face doesn't help it at all. in their worst moments they'll see the other as more of a "___ version" of them. it really is like that image with the model of someones model in someones head What okay

i actually think cana is guilty of this a lot but i'm gonna be honest i think about canada's stream of thought more these days because ame is too much of a coping freak to me sometimes. i think he displays a lot of concern and worry for ame but it's not entirely selfless. i don't think he's that selfless. like i think if ame met someone and for whatever reason that other person made ame improve himself and actually be better cana would feel pretty empty about that. well ok i just think they're crazy with each other. it's not even really that he wants to be responsible for him it's just if he, as he is, as his relationship with ame is, turned out to be completely unremarkable to ame he'd like shoot himself or something. no that was a joke i bring up suicide too fast Sorry. sometimes i think his anger with ame is more about himself. not to say he has no reason to want to beat his shit in but more that he himself is also an enabler and not an innocent person it feels reflected back to him 😇 and he crazy hates himself. cana living in his own head and mumbling all his frustrations about himself and other people only to himself is the kind of cause for a tunnel vision self centeredness. when he gets aware of this he starts slamming his head in the wall. it's kind of a feedback loop with being reclusive...

i'm too assed to string into words what i think their deal with what they desire from one another is. i actually think they want similar things but if not a lack of communication then the way they'd want it is too different from each other to work. caname can never work guys it's so over. i have to yandere kill everyone else on their behalf to force them together it's so over. like i think cana thinks ame is a psycho unreliable arrogant asshole and ame thinks cana is a stupid lying coward bitch with no spine but they're also bffs and also the same person(wrong)(this is why everything is wrong) and they want the other to Understaaand them. in the true way. in the True way 🌤️ ame is like ohhh i'm eternally alone ohhhhh this fucking sucks and this spineless fag i call my brother is my last hope 😭😭😭(exaggeration) and he still doesn't know anything. ohhh you don't know anything about about This worlddd this world we're in....(attempts suicide for the 1000th time) and cana is like all my relationships are pointless and nobody likes each other including me. and there's my brother who doesn't care about anything but himself and mindlessly causes harm to everything. what do i even do😭😭😭 i'm tired. i think at random cana will be like No OMG this is horrible i can make this not horrible(yes?maybe?) which is like the context for that drawing where he hugs ame and doesn't let go when he yells and pushes him i think. you genuinely have to rip their skins off to get them anywhere. wow. KILL YOURSELF CANAME 😭😭😭😭😭

they're too cringe aware that's why they will never even kiss. that won't stop me from drawing them kissing and getting married because i don't care i like to play with dolls. caname is good. caname is a net positive. caname is actually so sweet and encouraging and super nice to each other and i'm a maniac

[wormsin]

"Bruce’s protective control and Dick’s perfectionist caregiving are core dysfunctions for their characters" oh this is such a beautiful, and perfectly fitting, way of describing them that ive ever seen! and it's really interesting to note that, their dysfunctions are.. how do i say it, 'complement' the other's? giving a 'perfect' looping feedback?

like, bruce's protective control pushes dick's perfectionist self to work even harder--to achieve the impossible and essentially makes him more desperate to take care of bruce, and in return this pushes bruce's protectiveness to another whole new degree which then lead to his need to keep everything under his control become even worse. and that makes it harder for them to break from the cycle (am i making sense? i hope im making sense)

hold my beer, I'm using this as an excuse to write the Bruce & Dick enneagram meta in my head.

"He's so determined to prove he isn't like Master Bruce it scares me. In their own way they are so similar that I thank heaven for the differences." - Alfred Pennyworth Batman 1940 #438

I've mentioned before that I use enneagram typing to characterize Bruce and Dick. like all personality typing, it's unscientific bogus. (this one is sold as a business tool lol.) but i find the types compelling.

first of all, their types

Bruce is an 8, the challenger or protector. an 8's ego is attached to the idea of vengeance—destruction of self or others out of a sense of injustice. if the person has a huge ego, has a deluded perception of the world, it is tied to the idea of vengeance. their "holy idea" is truth, which is basically a core value and potential. their trap is justice, which they think is the right path, but it will actually keep them stuck in their bullshit.

[Dick calls Bruce out on going too far as he's breaking down after Jason's death. Batman 1940 #439]

an 8's deepest fear is being controlled, harmed, or violated. their base desire is to be influential, self sufficient and protect themself. their temptation is to think that they are self sufficient.

like, you see why I like this for Bruce.

Bruce saw his parents being murdered and his reaction to that trauma was to control himself and create a powerful alternate ego that gets vengeance on Gotham's criminals and protects the innocent.

[Bruce appealing to family court to take in Dick. Batman 1940 #439]

at his worst, Bruce is a control freak who doesn't let anyone help him and has a warped sense of justice. so much emotional armor.

[Bruce possessed by Antithesis and lashing out at Dick, which Dick correctly identifies as a fear reaction. Teen Titans Year One #3]

at his best, Bruce is a strong leader, is willing to do what is right even at personal cost, wants to protect and help others fairly, and strives to create a better world.

[Bruce creating a victims advocacy program. Batman 1940 #217]

tl;dr Bruce is driven by fear of loss and compensates by controlling his world and protecting himself and others.

Dick is a 2, the helper or giver. 2's ego fixation is flattery, pleasing and giving to others in order to be liked. their "holy idea" is freedom/will; there's several interpretations of this but for Dick I see it as wanting others and himself to be free of metaphorical shackles and to fly. the 2's trap is also freedom: from having personal needs and needing others.

2's fear is being unlovable and their base desire is to be loved unconditionally. their temptation is to deny their own needs and be manipulative.

[Dick hiding his sadness as he leaves Wayne Manor for college. Batman 1940 #217]

[Hugo Strange psychoanalyzing Dick's relationship to Bruce. Batman Gotham Knights #11]

Dick is constantly pushing himself to the limit to be the perfect hero and mentor, and wants to help others but doesn't accept help himself. he maintains an image of being the bringer of light. I think being raised as a performer made him associate doing well and making people happy with love and family; after losing his parents he searched for that unconditional love from Bruce, being a hero, and romantic partners.

at his worst, he's prideful, and both ignores his own needs and sacrifices himself for others in order to get those needs met.

[Dick killing himself to save people in nuclear-bombed Bludhaven and feeling good about it. Nightwing 996 #116]

at his best, he is compassionate, helpful, parental, and warms the hearts of others.

tl;dr Dick is driven by fear of not having love and family, and compensates by caring for others and being perfect.

[Dick having a nightmare during a month's long mental breakdown. Nightwing 1996 #117]

you are correct: Bruce and Dick's personalities complement each other at their best and worse.

at their worst, Bruce is emotionally withholding and pushes Dick away. this is out of need to protect himself; any emotional intimacy or love is a threat because what if they die? Dick interprets this as not being good enough for Bruce's praise or a place by his side, and tries to be better. no matter how far gone Bruce is, Dick has to be the exceptional one who stays and loves him. the fact that Dick always comes back to him and gets under his skin makes Bruce lash out or become more controlling. so the cycle continues!

"That's what eats away at you at night—not just that you're forever in his shadow—but that you love him. That you're the loyal son who has never been allowed to truly help—never permitted to save him from himself." - Hugo Strange, Batman Gotham Knights #10

at their best, Bruce uses his own traumatic experience and leadership to better Dick's life. Dick is a ray of light for him. their fears are eased in relation to each other, they both help others and improve their world.

[Alfred remembers Dick early in his Robin career. Batman 1940 #438]

I think they have a lot to learn from each other. but they can also be deeply stuck in this dysfunctional cycle because they can both hold onto their negative delusions.

"I love Bruce. He's my family. But I couldn't bring him out of the past... I was sacrificing my own future. I don't want that for you... Trust me, Tim. At some point... you have to set yourself free." - Dick, Batman Urban Legends #10. demonstrates a healthy Dick's relation to an unhealthy Bruce.

[polysprachig]

Hello friend! I just came across your post about filling in old spaces in your polyglot journal via the bullet journal tag… could you say more about how you use your polyglot journal in general and what its intended purpose(s) is/are?

Thank you for the question, @northfaceho! ***(Read orange text for a short summarised version)

The purpose of my polyglot journal is to capture my process of learning languages, both for myself and to share with other people. It was prompted by a secret learning project I did in 2019 to make my other native language skills go from passive to active (and the subsequent desire to subtly strengthen my skills across my main 5 languages). This happened to coincide with my dissatisfaction with the general ‘Polyglot learns X# of Languages - Here’s How + Tips and Tricks’ kind of content you could—and can—find online. And the rich stock at the base of all my griping generally boiled down to one thing:

Fucking notecards.

No shade to anyone in specific—it was more a general trend I felt I noticed at the time—but the idea that someone who has acquired or is learning a football club worth of languages and who, moreover, is able to demonstrate their use of said languages across the 4 skills to various degrees of range and accuracy at their current stage of learning does so by *secret tip: using notecards* struck me as extremely… imprecise and decidedly non-tip-worthy. It’s not that I think these people were lying about using notecards to learn—not at all! The description was just focused on what I learn with not how I learn imho, and it begged the question: Well, what do you do with the notecards?

Because at the time, I only really used notecards in Old English, but not as flashcards for memorisation or playing vocabulary matching games, which I assume was used as shorthand in the content I kept seeing. No, once a year, I would take out some fresh notecards and write Beowulf verbatim from memory for the section I have memorised, then compare it to the orthography in the Howell D. Chickering dual-language translation. (I do something similar with Chaucer, but notecards are too small so I use a yellow legal pad instead. Still, the concept is the same.) And later, when I started learning Italian, I would prepare a notecard to keep on my desk during lessons which listed out the most common errors I knew I was going to make in that day’s class, based on my teacher’s recent feedback (usually incorrect pronunciation/word stress, Greek or French influence which isn’t correct, accidental uses of Latin, etc.).

And so I repurposed what I had hoped would be a travel journal into a polyglot journal and kicked it off with this statement of my intentions forgive the register:

This year, 2024, one of my main goals was to read the rest through, comment on my methods, mistakes, mindset, etc. etc., and fill in the gaps with scraps of loose studies and feedback from my teachers. Oh yeah, and start typing it all up to save my future self some time.

I’ll be posting a lot more from my polyglot journal in 2025, now that I’ve figured out how much time I can commit to it based on my schedule and the writing routine I’ve been testing out these last months. I want to make sharing it an adventure reflective of its many side quests and the actual time and input required to learn.

In essence, the journal reflects the planning, check-ins, learning notes, and process of my quarantine levelling up project and literary/poetic translation portfolio part 1, which are free to read here if anyone is interested:

The Merlin Project (Irish-English)—running with the question all my students asked in the pandemic, i.e. Can I learn a language from just watching TV? by writing borderline Merlin fanfiction

The tragic portion of my translation portfolio (English-German-French-Italian)—literary translations into English from Poliziano, Goethe, Voltaire and Kaiserin Elisabeth (Sisi); translations into German of Lord Byron, Mary Shelley and Percy Bysshe Shelley

The journal is not without silly and serious one-off language escapades as well, which I occasionally ventured out into when taking a break from the more major projects.

Thanks for reading if you’ve made it to the end!

[molinaskies]

To answer this reblog https://www.tumblr.com/molinaskies/756745213630939136/alexs-prompt-folder-anonymously-or-not-tell

This was extremely difficult to answer considering the amount of MOMENTS that had me melting, like the photos in Chapter 6. But if I had to pick, it would be:

"Who was it who taught Gamma, a non-sentient robot, how to think and feel? Who appealed to Shadow's love and dedication when he was blinded by rage and fury and revenge and pain? Who stepped up to keep Cream and Big hopeful when Metal Sonic kidnapped their friends? Who kept my head on straight when I was all bummed-out over 'mister monster guy'?" I squeeze her shoulders tighter with each question. "Amy, who keeps me fighting every single day?"

Ik this line may not be as deep as later on in the fic (won’t say what for spoilers to others 💅please go read it, it’s better that way).

But my heart was in joy having Sonic tell Amy about her efforts and what she accomplished from literally just being unashamedly Amy, even when it’s not acknowledged often or seen as important as what the other characters have achieved.

And the last line??? 🫠

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this one! Thank you for your kind words 💕

I’ve seen some feedback that Amy’s arc in ILYCWM feels “out of character” or “regressive,” in that Amy’s been more confident and productive in recent iterations. I get that, to a degree, but I still completely stand by my decision to delve into Amy’s anxieties the way I did.

I started writing ILYCWM in 2021 as an “in defence of Amy Rose” from Sonic’s perspective. I wanted to showcase how Sonic views Amy, what he appreciates about her, with the overall “point�� to prove that he’s always loved her. My original outline was built on the different traits of Amy’s I wanted to highlight: chapter 2 focused on Amy’s silly, adventurous side; chapter 3 focused on her compassion and stubbornness, with hints of a strong desire to prove herself alongside a weakness to (rare) praise; and so on.

Of course, as I kept writing, Sonic’s character arc evolved in a parallel to Amy’s, but it was important to me to build up Sonic’s view of Amy in order to shatter that paradigm with how Amy views herself. That’s where the climax you quoted came from! It serves the purpose of not only showing Amy her value but showing the audience her value.

As for the last line, I’m not sure which one you’re referring to, actually! Depending on when you read the fic, you would have read it before or after the prologue was released (which came about 4 months later). Let me know!

“[…] her shield of optimism shattered in front of me, and seeing the dysphoric state she lives in daily shattered mine. We put each other back together, but we traded a few shards in the process, and I’ve been living the effects of our new mosaic ever since.”

———

“I Love You - Come With Me”

What if when Sonic asks Amy to go with him on an adventure, she says yes? They’ve always been inseparable kindred spirits, but what exactly makes their bond so unique, and where do they make each other stronger?

This is my Sonamy Thesis. This is that story.

[jisungsdaydreamer]

Love Playlist #1: HOME (Han)

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «TALK TO ME» 

"For a really smart person, Jisung can be so dumb sometimes."

Pairing: Han x Fem!reader Genre: college au, friends to lovers, roommates to lovers, fluff, mutual pining Warnings: mild swearing Word Count: 7k

P.S. ♡ If you like my work, please consider giving me feedback in the form of reblogs, comments, and asks! ♡

You have three strict rules that you must follow. One, no going out after eleven. Two, never leave the house without your cell phone. And three, never, ever, fall in love with Han Jisung.

Unfortunately, you’ve broken that third rule already. In fact, you’re still breaking it, charring it to a crisp, and throwing it out like the trash you both begrudgingly take turns with. But how can you not? Because when it comes to your doe-eyed best friend who is serenely sitting in front of you, the whole rulebook is torn up. 

Jisung quietly flips through his growing stack of manga, blissfully unaware of the way your heart accelerates whenever he reads a particularly entertaining segment and his eyes light up in amusement.You should remind him to stay on track, but you can’t bear to stop him because of how cute he looks, his legs unconsciously swinging under the table and his fifth banana lollipop of the day shoved into his mouth. 

You’re both sitting together in the library at your special table beside the big window, the place that is always secluded no matter what, as if some higher power knows to keep it aside for you and Jisung for whenever you desire. Both of you are supposed to be studying for your finals, the objectively worst part of the entire year. You’re both seniors, so the slew of exams coming up should be a piece of cake for you, except both of you have grad school next year— you’ll be starting on your PhD, while Jisung, a computer engineering major, will be working towards a master’s degree— so you still have to worry about all of your final grades.

“I hate this.” Jisung looks up from the book in his hands, closing it shut. “I wish I didn’t have to do this.”

“It’s almost over. Then we’ll finally graduate and get to enjoy our summer,” you reply. “And then our lives begin.”

And the elation building in your chest is real, because although you have a tough couple of days ahead of you, the end of this year will be a testament to everything you have accomplished. You have your summer mapped out already; you’re going to be completing groundbreaking cancer research at an esteemed biologist’s lab, days filled with productivity along with exciting nights exploring adulthood and freedom with your friends. Even though you’ll still have school, you’ll only have to be doing what you’re passionate about, leaving behind the mandatory literature and calculus courses that brought you so many tears over the duration of college. 

“Not for me.” Jisung sighs, leaning back in his chair and staring aimlessly at the ceiling. “It’ll never end.”

Lately, Jisung has become increasingly stressed about graduation. He doesn’t come from a wealthy background, with his mother being a grocery store cashier and his father out of the picture. You’re aware he’s under immense pressure to do well in school and then get a good job that will take care of both him and his mother, when she’s unable to provide for herself. Worst of all, Jisung had to ditch his dream of becoming a musician and instead focus on something more practical, which ended up being a profession in computers. Of course, like anything else he puts his effort into, Jisung excels in computer engineering, and he’s come to terms with giving up his passion, but you know it doesn’t hurt any less.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask softly, reaching for his hand. He accepts it, but he turns his head to gaze at the street beyond the window.

“It’s okay.”

You don’t press any further, because you know that it will just break him down, and neither of you can afford that right now at such a crucial time. Instead, you resolve to brighten his mood, like he does with you anytime you’re down. “Let’s just hope we don’t get food poisoning tomorrow.”

Your attempt works, because Jisung meets your eyes, a smile permeating his solemn expression and before widening into a full grin, at the memory of the time you both first met. Remembrance comes like the summer breeze you look so forward to, washing over you both like a tidal wave. And just like that, it’s freshman year and you’re standing at the bus stop near your old dormitory building. 

You anxiously devoured the notebook pages in your hands, alternating between cramming the tiny text and scanning the road for the bus that was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. Your stomach ached from the food poisoning you contracted earlier that morning, an unwelcome byproduct of the dubious cauliflower and tuna tacos served at the dining hall the night before.

This was horrible timing too, especially because you had your first test of the academic year that day. When you should have been bent over your statistics notes, you were cooped up in the bathroom for the previous few hours, clutching the toilet bowl as you watched the clock above you tick menacingly. 

You bounced on your toes anxiously, before a strange, squeaking sound met your ears. You whirled around to see a boy approaching you while struggling to pull a large, bulging suitcase along with him. He finally succeeded, collapsing onto the bus stop bench while coughing and wheezing up a storm that rivaled the ominous clouds in the sky. You reached into the side pocket of your backpack, pulling out your unopened plastic water bottle and handing it over to him.

He looked at your offering hand in surprise, before gratefully accepting. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes while he gulped down the cool water. You watched him finish the entire bottle with a dizzying speed and then recycle it in the bin next to the bus stop. The boy was lanky, sporting an oversized Pokémon t-shirt and battered sneakers, and overdue for a haircut, the locks flopping over his sweaty forehead.

“Thank you so much.” He said.

“Of course. What’s in the suitcase?” 

The boy fondly ran a hand over the worn-out seams of the object of your curiosity. “I promised my roommate that I would give him all of my old books for his class project. I have no idea why he wants them, but then again, art students are weird.”

He looked up at you not even a second later, alarm in his eyes. “Unless you’re an art student! In that case, I didn’t mean what I said.”

You giggled, shaking your head. “No, I’m a biology major. And yes, I agree.”

He beamed. “I’m Han Jisung. First year, computer engineering. Anime and cheesecake lover. Spicy food hater.”

“Y/N. I’m a freshman, too, and I also love anime and cheesecake. Chocolate cheesecake, to be specific. And I can’t stand spicy food.”

“Chocolate supremacy!” Jisung gasped, clamping a palm over his mouth. “This is meant to be.”

You let out a hearty laugh at his theatrics. “Exactly.”

At that moment, the bus finally arrived, rolling to a stop next to you both. You helped Jisung push his suitcase full of storybooks up the steps of the bus and into the aisle. You sat on one of the seats in the back, and Jisung followed suit, plopping down right next to you. As he did, you noticed him wince, clutching his stomach. Concern bloomed in you for this precious stranger that you just met. 

“Are you okay?”

He clutches his stomach once more, smiling embarrassedly. “I got food poisoning. I should have known better than to trust the dining hall food.”

You pause, as the ironic delight of the situation sets in, allowing the pain to fade away and leaving you to wonder about the odds of meeting Jisung. “No way! Me too!”

Jisung’s eyes widen in surprise. “That’s destiny. Mutual food poisoning. Now we definitely have to be friends.”

Later, after you had exchanged numbers and plenty of laughs, parting ways at your respective bus stops, you would meet again at the university hospital. Both of you had contracted a salmonella infection.

Unbeknownst to you and Jisung, that delayed bus and salmonella would determine the trajectory of the rest of your lives. Over time, you both emerged from the shackles of a hesitant acquaintance to the kind of bond that never breaks, even with time, distance, or the grievances of being young. You witnessed each other grow up, fall in love and out of love, and get drunk on piña coladas at the bar next to the college gym you both pretended to go to regularly. 

Somewhere along the way, after Loser Boyfriend Number Three, as Jisung tried to cheer you up with his horrible jokes and the burned brownies that he nuked in the residence hall kitchen microwave, you realized that you were wasting your time on people who weren’t worth it. Because the only person who was worth it was the one who had been by your side all the time. Jisung. 

Betrayed by your treacherous heart, you began to see Jisung— your person, your study buddy, your fake fiancé when you both were trying to score free dessert with a restaurant proposal— as more than just a friend. In fear of your feelings potentially ruining your friendship, something more dear to you than any form of romance, as you so believed they would, you swore to never speak to Jisung of it. But you couldn’t lie to yourself anymore about the worst. You fell in love with your best friend. 

“What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor?”

“I have no idea, Jisung.”

“‘Hey, where’s my tractor?’ Get it?” Jisung bursts out laughing, slapping his thigh. He doubles over, his whole body shaking with laughter at the unimpressed look on your face, which makes everything funnier for him.

“That doesn’t even make sense!” You exclaim, trying to push him. Jisung just keeps giggling, dodging you masterfully.

You both have given up on your library study session, resolving to take a break at your favorite coffee shop and meet up with the rest of your friends in your circle. The setting sun has streaked the blue sky with its golden rays and puffy pink clouds, enveloping the entire campus in a hazy glow. It’s a pleasant May evening, with the scent of your college’s famed peonies along with the excitement of Spring lingering in the air. The street lights that line the sidewalk are already turned on, but not many people are outside enjoying the weather, except for a few students playing a game of Frisbee on the athletic field. Everyone else is locked away in their rooms or the library, grinding for their upcoming exams.

“Well, I have a better one anyway.” Jisung states, clearing his throat dramatically. 

You roll your eyes as you near your destination, an unassuming red-brick building tucked away in a larger complex of stores. Purple morningstar blossoms border the door of the small shop in clumps of dainty vines, no doubt the namesake of Morningstar Coffee House. Fairy lights are strung around the glass block windows, which offer a glimpse of the inviting warmth inside. 

“Let’s hear it.”

Jisung jogs ahead of you and opens the door for you, gallantly gesturing for you to go first. “What did Y/N say to Jisung when they went to the coffee shop together?”

The comforting smell of pastries and dark roast coffee engulfs you as you step into Morningstar. The strung lanterns and groovy jazz music playing in the background welcome you like a hug from a long-distance friend. You can’t believe it’s been so long since you’ve gone anywhere other than the library, the lecture halls, or the tiny apartment you and Jisung share. 

“I don’t know.” You humor Jisung, still playing along and waiting for his ridiculous punchline.

He smirks at you. “I love you a latte!”

You feign disgust, but secretly, you are elated because of how genuinely touching his words are to you. Jisung hugs you like a baby panda, trying to get you to applaud him for his clever joke, as Jisung is naturally a very physically affectionate person, always wanting to snuggle up to the people around him. But your heart can’t help but jump a little every time you feel his arms snug around you. 

“Well, I love you a latte more, Hannie,” you respond nonchalantly, but you mean it. You do love Jisung for everything that he is, even the cringeworthy SoundCloud rapper phase that dominated his sophomore year. 

“You guys are weird,” your friend Seungmin says from behind the counter, where he’s busy working as the barista, while his co-worker, Soobin, a timid Psychology student, clumsily handles orders at the cash register. Seungmin’s parents own Morningstar, and he plans to take over it next year. 

Jisung sticks his tongue out at Seungmin in defiance, before linking arms with you and dragging you to the back, where the rest of your friends are seated. There is Chan, or more famously known as Chris among his many admirers across his campus, clad in his signature black jacket. Besides him, the turquoise-haired baby of your group, Jeongin, and then Hyunjin, who as usual, is lost in his sketchbook. 

“Hey guys. What are you up to?” You slide in next to Hyunjin, trying to peek at what he’s drawing. You catch a glimpse of a very pretty girl you vaguely recognize from around campus, before he protectively snaps his journal closed, narrowing his eyes at you.

“Eyes on your coffee, Y/N,” Hyunjin says, handing you the mug that they ordered for you ahead of time. Magically, it’s still hot.

You accept the coffee and drink it, letting the rich liquid warm your insides as you swallow it gratefully. “Alright, alright.”

Jisung tries to steal a bite of Jeongin’s apple danish, earning him a swat on his wandering palms. Chan looks over at you with a grin. “We’re just listening to Jeongin rant about his crush.”

Jeongin groans before continuing. “And I keep asking her out, but every time, she rejects me, bro! What am I supposed to do? Give up?"

“Yes,” Hyunjin says in his signature straightforward manner, prompting everyone but Jeongin to snicker.

“Whatever. I'll figure out a way.” Jeongin sits back in his seat, resorting to aggressively typing on his keyboard to deal with his frustration.

You look around your little corner in the shop, which is filled with textbooks and miscellaneous notebook sheets. “Where are the others?”

“Minho is studying with his girlfriend, and Changbin and Felix are apparently also working, but they’re probably gaming instead.”

Hyunjin bites down on the edge of his straw, glancing between you and Jisung thoughtfully. “Speaking of girlfriend, when are you both going to get together?”

You freeze up in your seat, tensing like you always do whenever someone jokes about your relationship with Jisung, but he’s unfazed, shooting Hyunjin a mischievous smile. “When you tell us about that girl you’re obsessed with.”

Hyunjin immediately forgets about teasing you, glaring at Jisung contempfully. “Shut up, Han. You don’t know anything.”

“Guys, let’s calm down,” you say while patting Hyunjin’s back, happy for the distraction but still cautious about him and Jisung. While those two love each other very much now, they used to fight like crazy when they roomed together in freshman year, and no one needs a repeat of bad history right now.

Jisung catches your eye, and although he doesn’t smile at you, you can see the appreciation in his eyes. You nod slightly at him, before getting out your own computer. Words do not have to be exchanged between you two for you to understand each other.

You all settle into a comfortable silence as you finish your coffee and resume studying, only looking up occasionally to ask each other questions about the material or an assignment. Soon, the evening begins to fade away, and you start packing up your belongings before closing time.

“Hey, Y/N! Can you come over here for a second?” Seungmin calls out, capturing your attention.

You put down your backpack and walk over to the counter, where he’s washing his blender. “Yes?”

“So what’s going on with you and Jisung?” Before you can interrupt him and deny anything, Seungmin wipes his hands and gives you a meaningful look. “I know you have feelings for him.”

You feel your face heat up, and you avoid his piercing eyes. “How would you know?”

“Look, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. From the way you look at him, it’s a marvel how he hasn’t figured it out yet. For a really smart person, Jisung can be so dumb sometimes.”

You exhale, seeing no point in lying anymore. Besides, it feels good to get it off of your chest. “Well, why are you bringing this up anyway?”

Seungmin sets down his utensil caddy and rests his elbows on the edge of the sink. “Soobin likes you and asked me if you’re single. But, you know, I wasn’t sure if you are available. Emotionally, I mean.”

You glance over at Soobin, observing him counting all of the day’s revenue. The blonde cashier catches your eye, flashing you a shy smile before quickly looking away, turning a shade of tomato red. He’s handsome, good-hearted, and not to mention, very tall. Just your type. But he’s no Jisung.

“It’s been a while since I’ve dated anyone.” And this is true— over a year, to be precise. “I guess, I’m still hung up over Jisung.”

“Do you plan on making a move?”

“No way. I’m just going to wait for the feelings to dissipate. I would never risk our friendship like that,” you mumble.

“You could get to know Soobin, maybe he’ll help you move on,” Seungmin suggests, crossing his arms.

You consider your options before piping up. Jisung had gotten pretty serious with his last girlfriend by the end of your junior year, but he broke up with her a month later, telling you that she just wasn’t the one for him. He hasn’t dated anyone since, claiming that it’s not the right time. But for you, it is, and you realize that you can’t keep waiting for him.

“Maybe I will,” you say, toying with your jacket zipper.

Seungmin tips his head towards Soobin, but before you move, he leans in closer to you. “But personally, I think you should just tell Jisung. If he’s really your best friend, your friendship will stay the same no matter what.”

You nod. “Yeah, okay.”

You know Seungmin is right, but the truth is, it’s not just about losing your friendship with Jisung. Regardless of whether he reciprocates your feelings or not, you know that he would never walk away from you. It’s truly you who you are concerned about. You’re uncertain if you could bear to go back being your normal self around Jisung if you confess and get rejected. You don’t know if your heart could handle it.

You touch Seungmin’s hand in a quiet gratitude and approach Soobin, who immediately notices your presence and accidentally slams the cash register drawer closed, nearly shutting it on his finger. “H-hi Y/N.”

Watching Soobin get endearingly flustered, you can’t help but smile. “Hey Soobin. How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you.” Soobin bites down on his lip, wrapping his arms around himself. He looks so cute in his brown bib apron and converse shoes. “You look really pretty in that dress.”

Your cheeks warm, but you look him directly in his eyes. “That’s so kind of you to say. Actually, I was hoping you'd want to go out on a date sometime? Maybe after finals?”

Although you’re very reserved about your feelings for Jisung, in every other case, you can be quite forward with romance. Soobin’s eyes widen. “Wait, really?”

You laugh, getting out your phone. “Yes, really. What do you say?”

“Yes! I would love to. Could I please get your number?” Soobin stretches out his phone, which is covered in teddy bear stickers. 

You think of Jisung’s phone, which has a clear case and a polaroid of you two at the beach inside. You shake the thought of him away. You type your number into Soobin’s phone, before wishing him good luck on his finals and then rejoining your friend group in the darkening outdoors, which has moved outside the shop while you were talking to Seungmin. As soon as he spies you walking out of the door, Hyunjin forgets his conversation with Jeongin and immediately launches into interrogating you. 

“What were you talking to Soobin about?”

You shrug, trying to play it off, but can’t help the rosy blush that creeps up your neck. “Nothing, really.”

Now the others look interested as well, and Jeongin smirks knowingly at you. “You asked him out, didn’t you?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you think you see Jisung’s smile falter, but you chalk it up to your own imagination and affirm Jeongin’s prediction. “Yes, but it’s pretty casual. So not a big deal.”

Chan and Jeongin both high-five you like seventh grade boys, while Hyunjin just cackles at your sudden agitation. Jisung, however, looks annoyed, a very new color on him. 

“I didn’t know you were interested in Soobin,” he says, shutting Hyunjin up. “Why didn’t you tell me? You always tell me when you like someone.”

You know the answer to his question. But you can’t tell Jisung that the only reason why you asked Soobin on a date out of the blue is because you are in love with him and trying to move on. “Seungmin just told me that he had a crush on me. So I went for it.”

“Yeah, everyone knows Soobin likes you. But you could have told me first before making a move.” Jisung’s tone is slightly harsh, suspicious. You recoil in surprise, because he has never spoken to you like this, unlike the boy you know and love.

“Why are you getting so mad?” You ask him, hurt.

“It’s just that we tell each other everything, and this is pretty big.” Jisung crosses his arms stubbornly. “Unless you didn’t want me to know.”

Your skin prickles with a strange feeling, because while you two have bickered over stupid things in the past, it wasn’t anything serious like the look on Jisung’s face now. “What’s your problem, Jisung? What did I do to you?”

Your voice is raised, and boys instantly sense the tension in the air, stepping in to mediate. Chan, the eldest in the group, places a hand on Jisung’s shoulder, mutely imploring him to stay calm. Hyunjin, however, gets defensive on your behalf. 

“Why should she have to tell you? Calm down,” Hyunjin says, frowning at Jisung.

“It’s okay, Hyunjin. We should get going.” Without waiting for an answer from the others, you grasp Jisung’s hand and pull him with you, while he comes along without saying anything at all.

The walk back to your apartment, which is seven minutes long from campus, is filled with an uneasy silence, a dreadful change from the playfulness earlier in the day. The air is charged, full of everything you both want to say to each other, but nevertheless, you keep your mouth closed. More than anything, you’re confused. 

It’s been a long time since either of you were with anyone romantically, so maybe it is surprising to Jisung that you randomly asked Soobin out. However, you don’t understand his anger, especially because Jisung has always supported you in your dating life, even setting you up sometimes with people he knew. But you don’t think the problem is the fact that it is Soobin either, because Soobin is one of the most beloved people on campus due to his sweet personality. You don’t know what’s wrong, and that’s what bothers you the most.

Neither of you speak even when you reach your neighborhood, a suburban oasis in a big city. When there’s good weather, you and Jisung love to come outside and either take long walks around the block or pack picnics to share on the perpetually green lawn in front of your apartment building. Today, you head straight up to your flat, an indifferent pair of strangers standing in the elevator.

After unlocking the door to your apartment, you finally decide to break the silence, turning to look at Jisung, who trails a few feet behind you. “I’ll be in my room, studying.”

You want him to say something, anything, but he just nods, keeping his eyes trained on the grey hardwood flooring. Sighing, you pad across the apartment and enter your room, shutting the door you always keep open. 

You and Jisung had signed a lease on your place last year, partially because you couldn’t afford off-campus housing on your own, but also because you couldn’t imagine a better roommate than him. People made plenty of comments about how you both— two people of the opposite gender— renting an apartment together would be a recipe for disaster.

While Jisung had assured you that everything would be alright, the weeks leading up to move-in day were filled with apprehension for you. But unlike what he believed, it wasn’t because of what others said. The thought of you and Jisung living together made you worry if proximity could potentially make it easier for him to realize your feelings for him. 

However, when the big day rolled in, you couldn’t remember any of your fears as you and Jisung sat in your new apartment, leaned against a pile of half-opened luggage. Exhausted from dealing with delayed furniture shipments and sorting through the endless boxes of belongings, both of you had given up. Resolving to lay on the barren floor and play Go-Fish, you both laughed for hours about the annoyed look on the grumpy mover’s face when Jisung kept asking him questions. Before Jisung subsequently fell asleep on your lap, he promised you that you both would make a lot of good memories here. And you did.

Last Christmas, you both spent it together, huddled on the couch while gossiping and drinking hot chocolate, because both of your flights got canceled due to snow. Then there was the time Jisung forced you to stay awake with him all night because he was scared after watching some bad slasher film, but you told him Disney bedtime stories that eventually made his fear go away.

You can’t help but feel a small pang thinking of whenever he brings you strawberry shortcake from the bakery you like, or all of the times he spam calls you when you’re out late and haven’t informed him. You’ve never fought with Jisung like this, not without him immediately coming after you and begging you to forgive him, even if he wasn’t in the wrong. Being distant with Jisung is a new feeling, and you don’t get how you could ever accomplish that with your best friend in the whole world. 

Shaking off your incessant thoughts about Jisung, you turn on your computer, hunching over on your desk in the artificial glow of the screen. You still have a few chapters of reading to get through, and then you have to solve ten long practice problem sets for Chemistry. For now, you’ll have to put off the deliberations that pull at you.

“Y/N.”

You feel someone shaking you awake, gentle hands coaxing you out of an uneasy nap. You lift your head from where it rests on your arms, blearily looking up from where you are slumped over your desk. Your laptop has fallen asleep, the dim glow of your lamp lighting up the room instead. And the blaring, unwelcome red of your digital clock signals an unfortunate time well past twelve. Rubbing your eyes, you finally notice Jisung hovering beside you hesitantly.

“I thought you’d want me to wake you up,” Jisung says, his hands shoved into the pockets of his pajama pants. “I’m sorry.”

He’s wearing a black sweatshirt with the hood pulled up snugly over his head, a few soft pieces of hair messily sticking out from underneath. He looks so cute you want to hug him, but then you remember the events that transpired before you accidentally fell asleep. 

“It’s okay. I need to finish working, thanks,” you say dully, both tired from studying and being stuck in this bad day with Jisung.

He shakes his head. “No, I mean, I’m sorry for earlier. At the coffee shop.”

You bite your lip, melting at the regret and sadness in his eyes. Your best friend misses you too. “Can we talk?”

Jisung stays quiet before speaking, and you swear he can probably hear your anticipating heartbeat filling the room. “Are you hungry? We didn’t have dinner.” 

He doesn’t answer your question, but you still fold at the thought of how he didn’t eat without you. “Yeah, I am hungry.”

“I’ll make us something.” He turns and heads into the kitchen, and after a second thought, you hurry after him. 

Jisung takes off his hood and brings out a metal pot out of one of the cupboards. You watch as he rummages hastily through the fridge, before he shuts it with empty hands. He turns to you with a sheepish look on his face. “So we don’t actually have any food.”

Realization passes between the both of you: in the past few weeks, you both were so immersed in your preparation for your exams that you had completely neglected buying groceries, opting instead for easy pre-cooked meals or food deliveries. Your stomach rumbles loudly, and you rub it, embarrassed, but at least it breaks the tension, as Jisung snorts, an amused look on his face.

“We could go to the store and get something,” he suggests, from where he stands behind the kitchen island. 

He fidgets nervously, a reminder of how any other time, you would have jumped at the opportunity to ditch your books and buy cheap junk food with Jisung. But now? You don’t want to go out. You want to stay here, you want to talk to your best friend, you want things to go back to how they were before your fight with Jisung. And yet, you nod your head in agreement, grabbing your apartment keys and wallet from the counter before following Jisung out of the apartment. 

The hallways of the building are tainted a vivid yellow from the incandescent lighting, a sharp contrast to the gloomy night outside. The moon is high up in the sky, shrouding the sleepy apartment complex in a silvery glow. There’s no one outside except for a homeless man dozing on one of the benches lining the walkways. But the distant city lights tell you that not everyone slumbers, that outside of your bubble, people have their own lives and stories. The only story that matters to you, however, is the one with the beautiful boy who walks beside you, his step heavy and eyes downcast. 

In a matter of wordless minutes, you and Jisung have arrived at your go-to place for midnight runs, a sketchy little convenience store peeking out from behind a cluster of drab office buildings. The neon lighting of the store glows in the dark and reflects in the pools of water left by a mild rain that had graced the land while you were sleeping. 

Jisung quickly walks ahead of you and opens the door for you, a blast of air conditioning granting you solace from the humidity. The familiar sight of the plentiful arrays of colorful aisles and the broken fan hopelessly creaking by the entrance pulls you in. You scour the shelves of mouthwatering foodstuffs, before settling in front of one of the sections.

“I don’t know if it’s a noodles or sandwich kind of night,” you wonder out loud, picking up a pack of ramen. You don’t notice Jisung standing behind you, as you assume he’s already zeroed in on the ice cream freezer like he always does.

“Definitely ramen.”

You jump, hugging the packet to your chest as if it would protect you from the perpetrator. Jisung innocently watches you, a small smile playing upon his lips. He holds two wrapped popsicles in his hands, one melon-flavored and one mango-flavored, and stretches the latter out to you. You accept it, returning his smile, and it feels like things are normal again. You know you should bring up what lies unspoken between you two, but you want to preserve this moment for now.

Jisung selects ramen for himself as well, and you both go to the front counter to check-out, failing to exchange any more words as you both just continue to enjoy the calm. After, you both quickly exit the shop and start jogging in synchronization, remembering that a pile of work still awaits you. When you board the bridge that connects the rest of the city to the way back to your apartment, Jisung doubles over, panting. 

You decide to take a break, walking over to the edge and drinking in the view. The blurred lights of the magnificent skyscrapers illuminate the midnight sky like lightning, and the river in front of you is littered with cargo ships peacefully gliding along on their separate journeys. You lean against the railing, closing your eyes and letting the wind ruffle your hair. Jisung comes up behind you once more, but when he speaks this time, it’s less of a surprise and more of a comfort. 

“Everything is changing,” he says, resting his hands on the railing as well. “I’m scared.”

You open your eyes, turning to face Jisung. His eyes are filled with tears, and your heart reaches out for him. You tightly grasp his hand, trying to convey everything you can’t say to him. 

“Talk to me. Please.”

“I’m not ready for all of this. Graduation’s getting closer, and I know you’re excited but… I don’t know, I still feel kind of stuck.” Jisung’s gaze fixates on one of the boats below. “Every time I type out a line of code, I want to smash my keyboard into bits. Every goddamn time.”

His words are strong, but his voice is rough with emotion. 

“Jisung, don’t do this if it’s not what you want.”

“We’re literally graduating in a month, Y/N.” Jisung lets out a disbelieving sound. “But that’s not even a concern, because my grad school actually offers a joint program on computers and audio design for engineering students who want to go into music production. But I couldn’t do that, because you barely get paid unless you make it big.”

You frown, setting down the plastic cover of your food. “Well, why not? If anyone could break out, it’s you.”

Jisung shrugs, shaking his head. “I can’t take that risk. Just plain old computer science is the way to go.”

You stay quiet for a second, keenly observing his despairing expression. “Your mom would want you to be happy, Hannie.”

“I could be happy, maybe, one day. But not right now.” Jisung runs a hand through his hair, not meeting your eyes. “You’re moving away next year for your PhD, and I’ll still be stuck here, in a place where you aren’t there.”

“I’m only two hours away. You can get away from campus and visit all the time. We’ll be like the Kardashians taking on a new city!” You crack a watery smile.

Jisung sniffles sadly, and your heart sinks, because you failed to make him happy. Again. But then he looks up at you, a glimmer of humor in his eyes. “Only if I get to be Kourtney.”

You laugh, shoving him in the arm. “Fine.”

And then you both say nothing again, just gazing out at the world beyond this bridge and instant.

“What happened today?” You break the silence— questioning, not accusing.

Jisung groans. “It’s… look, I know we’ve both dated before, but none of them were it. And maybe you never felt that way, but I know for a fact that none of the guys you dated were right for you.”

“Jisung—” you start, but he interrupts you.

“And we’re graduating soon. So I thought you’d realize it by now.” Jisung taps his foot like he always does when he’s nervous, and your pulse quickens at his halting words. 

“Realize what?” You ask him softly, trying not to come to any conclusions but betrayed by the treacherous beat of your heart.

The tips of Jisung’s ears turn red. “I- I need you to not say anything. Because I need to say something. And if you don’t like what I say, then I’ll walk away and we can forget everything that transpired here. Okay?”

You maintain your serious expression, although you want to swoon at his adorably flustered state. “Okay.”

Jisung is about to finally reveal what has gotten him so worked up, but then he sighs in frustration, shaking his head. “No. I can’t do this with you looking at me. Can you please turn around? Please?”

Hiding a smile, you oblige him and face the other way. “Okay. I can’t see you now.”

You hear Jisung take a deep breath. 

“I’m never going to get this right. Y/N, I like you. And I mean like-like you. Like, romantically. Everything about you, I like. Even your disgusting food combinations, I like. Your smile? Oh god. Don’t go on a date with Soobin. Go with me. I like you.” 

Even though the past few minutes manifested Jisung’s declaration, you still whirl around, shocked. “Say what?”

Jisung rolls his eyes. “Seriously? I pour myself out to you and you need me to repeat it? You’re really something, Y/N.”

You smirk, stepping closer and looping your arms around Jisung’s neck. You take in how Jisung’s eyes have widened and how his lips are parted at such an intimate gesture from you, wondering if this is how it feels in the movies, when the heroine finally gets the boy she’s been loving from a distance for so long. 

You look up at Jisung, and your heart has never felt so happy. “I guess this is my time to be vulnerable too. I don’t just like-like you, Jisung. I love you.”

It’s Jisung’s turn to be surprised. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah. For a very long time.”

He smiles bashfully, his elation at your own confession evident. “I love you too.”

Jisung tilts his head to his right, as you do the same, almost about to close the miniscule space between you both. And then he pulls away.

You watch Jisung, confused, as he covers his face with his palms, shyly giggling. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I dreamed of this for so long. Can you give me a second?” 

Never able to get enough of his antics, you watch as he pulls a stick of chapstick out of his pocket and swipes it on. He dabs his lips carefully before turning back to you. 

“Now where were we?”

Before you can even say anything, he’s closed that gap. His lips are soft and sweet, the taste of cherry and vanilla chapstick lingering. You close your eyes and melt into the kiss as Jisung brings up his hands to cradle your face. The sweet scent of him clouds your senses and washes away your inhibitions, and there’s nothing besides you both in this moment. He kisses you like there’s no tomorrow, no exams, no school or anyone else. He kisses you not like a friend, but a lover that he’s yearned for, which certainly wouldn’t be a lie.

You can’t believe that you’ve been pining after Jisung for the mere duration of your college years. It feels like you’ve waited your whole life for this. The murky puddles of water around you and the pungent stench of a nearby dumpster are nowhere near romantic, but with the way you’re kissing Jisung, you might as well be in heaven. 

If you dare to predict the future, you’ll have the rest of your life to look forward to moments like this, miss him even when he’s laying in your arms, love him when you both slow dance in the refrigerator light at midnight. And because you’re two broke peas in a pod, you both will definitely conduct more fake proposals with each other when you go out to eat. Hopefully before the real deal. You’ll just have to see who pops the question first. 

“Wow,” Jisung breathes against your lips. “My dreams have not done this moment any justice.”

You chuckle, leaning in for another kiss. “Mine too.” 

But Jisung dodges your lips, making you scoff as he raises his eyebrows at you. “And what are you going to be doing about Soobin?”

“You should be nicer. Poor Soobin. I wouldn’t have to let him down now if you’d just told me all of this earlier,” you scold Jisung lightly, cupping his chin. 

He pouts, swatting at your arms with the oversize sleeves of his hoodie. “Never mind. Let’s stop talking about him.”

You roll your eyes playfully and wrap your arms around his waist, pulling him closer. You’re sure that the lovesick look on Jisung’s face mirrors your own. He may not be perfect, but he’s perfect for you. Your best friend in the whole world. And whatever the future holds, that will never change.

“I love you, Hannie. Love you so much,” you whisper, pressing another soft kiss to his lips. You’ll never, ever get tired of kissing him.

Jisung smiles down at you lovingly, slipping off his hoodie to put it on you, noticing the way you shiver. But you’re not really that cold; it's the way he’s looking at you right now. Not that you’d tell him that. “Let’s go.”

“Where?” You ask, still in a dreamy daze. This day has turned out to be better than any other you’ve ever had. Everything was worth it.

“Home.”

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[coquettebratzdoll]

THE MYTH OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

After being in the manifestation and shifting community for many years now (mainly on YouTube and tumblr), I realised that there isn't much questioning. There are some concepts that are unanimously accepted as fact (regardless of whether it's true or not). Now that led me to a realisation, the myth of the subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind is described as the part of your mind that notices and remembers information when you are not actively trying to do so and influences your behaviour even though you do not realize it. It is one of the fundamentals, the backbone of the beliefs in these communities. Many of our decisions and methods are built off of the fundamental belief of the existence of the subconscious. There are people who believe that it is the subconscious that makes you manifest/shift, more power to you if this applies to you. I am here to provide an alternative view and challenge this notion.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

Before I go any further, let me explain how I came to this conclusion. So I have been feeling major dissonance - I know that my assumptions create my reality, but I still assume that it can't possibly be that easy (it is). It leads me to constantly be fighting with myself in my own mind, whereas I AM just accepts the things I say unconditionally. It leads to me manifesting things so quickly and successfully but only 'small' things, which reaffirms my beliefs, creating a negative feedback loop. My thoughts are a symptom of an issue that I desire to address.

So I am not interested in having this 💀 so I was thinking how I can address this dissonance. That's when it hit me. My subconscious isn't real. When I tell yall that I was stood shook like 🧍‍♀️. It was my own epiphany moment. Like HELLO !?!? I did that 💅💅

Also, quick disclaimer: these are just my thoughts and exploration of fundamental ideas in this community. You are still entitled to your own opinion. Just have an open mind while reading the rest of the post ♡♡♡

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

“I AM is a feeling of permanent awareness. The very center of consciousness is the feeling of I AM. I may forget who I am, where I am, what I am, but I cannot forget that I am. The awareness of remains, regardless of the degree of forgetfulness of who, where, and what I am.

-NG

Neville Goddard teaches that we are nothing but I AM. It is our truest form of self, of being. We are not our bodies, minds, thoughts, feelings, brains, etc. So why are we giving up our power and ourselves to the subconscious mind ? So much of what we do is built off of the assumption that it is the subconscious mind that allows it to come into fruition. That's not the case !! It is only the case if you assume it to be. Neville Goddard teaches us about our assumptions; "An assumption, though false, if persisted in, will harden into fact." Despite knowing this, many still choose to put the power into the hands of their subconscious.

By sacrificing our power to the subconscious mind, we are imitating control. We are the operant power, living a human experience - imitating struggle. By choosing to be aware of your I AMness, you are choosing to let go of the struggle and accept your power. So why would you give up a portion of that power to an imaginal being ? One you created yourself. You are essentially imitating an earthly struggle to imitating a godly struggle - at the end of the day, it's all imitation.

"Let us put and end to these fears and the worship of creation. There is only ONE Lord and that is your own I AMness. When I say and feel "I AM" that is the Lord. I don't feel after anything else. If I need security, I do not try to gather all the money in the world or put my house on some mountain away from everyone. I do not try to do good deeds hoping a god will give my security. No. I go to the ONE Lord, the ONE God and I feel after safety using the name of I AM. I feel after it instead of trying to find it in the world. I feel after I AM secure."

-EA

Edward Art is clearly saying what we all should apply. Do not go to the subconscious. It is just an unnecessary middleman between I AM and the ego. It serves no other purpose aside from what you assign to it. By relying on the subconscious to do what you can do without it, you are worshipping your own creation. Putting it on a pedestal, which it doesn't belong on.

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅

Barbados is imaginary.

In his work (Series 2, part 3), Edward Art reveals to us that Barbados is imaginary. Neville was at the imaginary Barbados with his imaginary self. He makes an important distinction by this, however. Imaginary isn't unreal, rather something that is unseen; "I am not saying 'imaginary' to suggest 'not real.' I am not trying to play pretend with you. By imaginary, I just mean unseen, substance, a realm. I do not mean unreal. So I interact within this realm just as I would in this outer realm." By treating all as imaginary, we are granting ourselves whatever we desire immediately. There is no time lag, no delay, no reflection, nothing of the sort. It is imagined then assumed. By feeling the need to go through a subconscious mind, you are creating another layer that is unnecessary. You are creating a delay. Even if you assume that the subconscious will be able to manifest it instantly, your imagination already had it long before. After all, how did the desire appear in the first place ? Through your imagination.

In relation to the subconscious mind, it only exists through our imagination (as does all else), yet it is treated as the source of reality, not another method of executing that reality. I AM is the source of all things (reminds me of qur'anic teachings, but I'll save that for another post). Nothing is greater than us. We must see past the fog and fully accept our I AMness.

The subconscious mind is imaginary.

[geminimoonmadness]

ASTEROIDS ☄️

♡♡ Part 4 ♡♡

Copywrites Reserved ©️Gemini Moon Madness

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CONJUNCT JUPITER EDITION

The conjunctions of these asteroids to your natal Jupiter should be within an orb of 0°-5°, the tighter the degree the more prominent it will be in your life.

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☄️☄️✨

Alexandrinus 8969 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

You have a love for warm weather, birds & beaches. You’re bold, courageous & brave, So a tendency to protect and defend others is seen.

Arabella 841 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

You follow your heart often though these emotional desires may conflict with social expectations.

Brenda 1609 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Similar to Alexandrinus, gives you a bold and courageous character.

Caesar 18458 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

You may have a strong desire for political power and possess military & strategic talents.

Edisona 742 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Gives you an ingenious mechanical & creative ability. You may have an interest in working on new technology or making important scientific discoveries that may have long lasting effects on civilisation/society.

Ella 435 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

This may draw attention to womanhood & the concept of the Divine Feminine.

Manuela 576 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Emphasises the importance of friendship in your life. You may also have a connection to divinity.

Eurydike 75 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

You may tend to have strong emotional attachments to romantic relationships. You have a beautiful, caring, fair & moral nature. Music plays an important part in you life.

Fraternitas 309 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Gives you the ability to form mutually benefical bonds with peers. You are a kind, trusting and supportive person.

Hagar 682 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

May have to go through rejection, injustice or ingratitude in their life. This placement indicates that hardships will be experience yet survived.

Hathor 2340 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Gives you the ability to help others through difficult transitions in their lives. You have a gentle, caring cheerful & optimistic personality. You may also have musical talent or interest.

Hilburg 684 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

You may have defensive, guarded, suspicious, fierce and self-protecting qualities.

Ireland 5029 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Gives you a fascination to the place Ireland itself. You may have an interest in the culture, lifestyle, food, scenery, etc.

Mechthild 873 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

You are interested in mystical, visionary and spiritual pursuits. Indication that you may become a writer on extramundane subjects of enjoy reading about these topics.

Neverland 5405 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

These are the adults that cling to childhood. There’s a desire to escape mundane reality or avoid adult responsibility which may effect your life.

Penelope 201 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Gives you a patient, loyal, friendly and committed nature.

Skuld 1130 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

This may emphasze themes of fate, destiny, time & the future in your life.

Urda 167 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

This may emphasise themes of fate, destiny, time & circumstance of ones ‘fortune’ in life. You may have eccentric or unusual/weird traits. Groups of 3 may be essential in your life.. keep note!

Ursina 860 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

strength, willpower, courage, combativness, assertiness, fortitude & ability to defy danger.

Werdandi 621 Conjunct Jupiter ✨

Emphasises themes of fate, destiny, time & one's immediate exstence. You are blessed with the ability to live in the present moment.

Asteroid list:

8969,841,1609,18458,742,435,576,75,309,682,2340,684,5029,873,5405,201,1130,167,860,621

✎ I appreciate interactions & feedback of all kind. Let me know if you have any of these conjunctions in your placements!

[elynnism]

Come Home to Me

Want a quick one-shot? So does Lavellan.

Topic:

I am a firm believer that Solas and Lavellan had sex in Inquisition.

This takes place after the balcony scene, before Crestwood.

My Inky thinks the anchor is gross.

Solas is really more of a giver than a taker, as he should be. What a dog.

I believe that Lavellan is the forgotten-spirit Solas describes to Rook in Veilguard (What is the word for coming home after a long journey?), and he knows it, hence the reaction he has.

I don't speak Elven, which is why it's kept simple and why I provided the translations next to the phrases. If you have a better/more accurate phrasing, lmk, I love to learn. Fenedhis means wolf penis, it's a common curse, you are welcome.

I tried really hard to do an 8-8-11/8-8-11 with them, but I wrote this on a complete whim and that was where most of my time was spent, ahahaha someone did it for a living ahahaha they have a degree from Stanford ahahaha

It took all of my willpower not to include a bit about how Ellana was gonna tell Sera and Blackwall that Solas has definitely fucked spirits because he definitely fucks.

Don't be offended by Solas's stamina, dude was just breaking a millenia-long dry spell, he's lucky he lasted as long as he did at all. He at least used his wisdom first, eh? eyebrows eyebrows

Couple things: -I am an amateur writer, I love constructive feedback. My weak areas include not knowing the difference between lay/lie and mixing up past and present tenses.

-This went through exactly one read-through so there are bound to be typos/issues. Lmk I will fix it right away.

-Do I capitalize Fade or not? IDFK.

-Please enjoy I actually loved writing this, I love imaging my Inky and my Solas both getting all hot and bothered during their 10 year dry spell thinking of the time they spent together.

There was a silence filling the space where he stood, his concentration willing the air to be still. He was stood idly in the rotunda, hands clasped behind his back as he observed the space. A scent unknown to Ellana drew her attention and she spied a palette of fresh paints, however her purpose for being here enabled her to walk past it without much thought.

Solas had begun his outline but she had yet to see him paint. She, right now, had a plan, and had formed it after he’d told her about his matchmaker spirit in his journeys through the Fade. She could not be rid of his parting words, “That small village never knew its luck.”

Ellana felt she was no fool and knew luck was a fleeting and fickle thing. Spurred by their stolen kisses and the confidence of her experiences with men, and stirred further by the anchor in her hand (her nails were turning an indigo color at the nailbeds), she approached Solas with purposefully soft footsteps and a clearing of the throat to catch his attention.

“No need to announce yourself, but I appreciate the consideration.” He turned towards her, a smile on his lips, his violet eyes striking true. That gaze went through her and she had to stop herself from pressing up against him as she always desired when in close proximity.

Some of her nerve was lost when she made eye contact and remembered the kisses in the Fade, how she sought him out in every dream. The last one his hands had wandered and she yearned for this in reality.

It was easier in the Fade, but they had been travelling together and were not strangers to each other’s touches. There was a particularly harrowing battle in the Hinterlands, one she was ill-prepared for but too stubborn to run from. When they were victorious, Solas grabbed her to look her over, though he was bloodied and battered himself. They fell to their knees and he embraced and kissed her so hard their teeth clashed and he did not let go until Cassandra made a comment about how even her romance books were not so dramatic. Even then, he had held on to her as they made their way back to camp and took extra care to look after her once the healer had left their vicinity, tutting at the bandages and re-binding them.

She was emboldened by this memory and came to stand beside him, clasping her hands behind her, mimicking him. She looked at him sideways in the same cool manner he would do to one of the other mages, and decided to employ the same even tone he did when talking to someone being unreasonable, “Are the sketches complete yet?” She turned to look at the paints, nose in the air. “Are you… readying to use those?”

Distraction was fighting his desire to play, she could tell, and he glanced back towards the paint and let his hands relax, seeing her teasing posture. He sounded amused as he said, “They are, and I was. But it can wait if you need something, Inquisitor?”

Ellana loved it when he used her title. The way he chooses to address her was a playful game they had fallen in rhythm to, having never discussed the roles, rules, or regime. So it was the Inquisitor drawn forth when she approached with his stolen confidence guiding her steps; vhenan when he noted her loving graces and the peculiar lilt in her voice she was becoming fond of; Ellana when she has done something “a little stupid”, or pleasantly surprising, like bringing him frilly cakes stolen from kitchen – and why not, they have two pastry chefs. There is enough to go around.

“Oh, yes. Actually…” and while she had other motives, there actually was the problem of the anchor and her hand. She exposed her left hand and gazed at it. “I, um,” she hesitated, looking around. “I was wondering if we could discuss the anchor in my room? Please, vhenan,” she added softly.

The concern on his face as he took her left hand gently and nodded, “Of course, my heart.” He tucked her hand gently into the crook of his elbow, muffling the bright green light, and they made their slow walk to her quarters. It was not uncommon for them to stroll around Skyhold and this was not the first time they went up to her tower room together. But this was the first time she asked him to look at the anchor in private and she had no doubt Leliana was listening to that. Ellana did not care for any scandals but their relationship was a known entity in the Inquisition, so she felt confident no eyebrows would raise too high at this not-so-unusual circumstance.

On their walk through the main hall and throne room, Ellana made idle chit-chat by bringing up the matchmaker spirit, asking how common was a love spirit in the fade, would the matchmaker ever think to move on to find other villages to ‘set right’, and things of that nature. They discussed it in low, intimate tones, and Solas occasionally reached over to rub a thumb over her left hand and look at her fondly.

They climbed the steps and entered her room, and she had decorated the rooms in the Elvish tradition, which she liked and found pleasing and somewhat musical. Her bed was a four-poster now after begging Josephine for the funds, being denied multiple times, and going to Val Royeaux anyway and buying what she wanted. She had purchased a dark navy duvet that almost matched her Skyhold uniform. She liked the darker colors because it muted that green light that exuded from her hand at all times.

Heartbeat quickening as she remembered her ulterior motives, she invited Solas to sit on the bed. She saw he was instantly suspicious, and hesitated, but she disengaged from him and went to lean against the desk, hoping to catch him off guard. She’d piled the couch with various forms of clothing to dissuade him from sitting there instead. She realized she should have done something with the desk chair, but maybe her guarding it would prevent him from thinking to use it. Regardless, her desk was tidied and neat, not that it usually wasn’t, but she had some foresight to finish up her open affairs if only to leave more time available to spend with Solas, if he wanted to.

“I need to speak openly with you, first, Solas,” she said with more confidence than she felt. “Please, sit just there,” she asked gently, and he complied in fine order, sitting gracefully on the edge of the bed. He put an ankle on one knee and both hands on his raised leg, looking at her intensely.

“You need not be so concerned, there are two reasons I brought you. One is for my hand, the other is for love,” she recounted in that lilting tone.

Solas blinked and was silent, his face impassive. He inclined his head for her to continue.

The sunlight from the late afternoon was streaming in. The mountainous view lent a quiet calm up in her tower and she had let the fire die down to a gentle crackling. The windows were closed, however, containing the heat. When Ellana looked at Solas and his gentle violet eyes, there danced a rainbow of lights from the windows, and it softened her heart more.

“I love the stolen kisses, the fade, the catalyst of our desire. I would change nothing, yet I want to change everything.” I think the anchor is killing me, she thought.

Cupping her left hand with her right, looking down at the green light which often mesmerized her, could not manage to hold her attention right now. I think the anchor is killing me.

Tilting her head to look at Solas, the light of her hand illuminating part of her face in that eerie green glow, she wants him to read her mind so she doesn’t have to say it out loud, but she knows that is unreasonable and unlike her.

A deep breath, a settling of the nerves, the worst part of it needs to come out, now. “I think the anchor is killing me,” her voice is small and he remains sat on the bed, his gaze turning down to her hand, a concerned frown on his face as he focuses on the anchor.

Ellana lets go of her left hand and settles it on top of the desk, hiding that green glow.

“I cannot bear the thought of never having you. Surviving every battle, only to be tormented at the thought of never having…” she loses the words and looks away, only to turn her gaze back towards Solas, all the more fierce.

He opened his mouth to speak but Ellana cut him off in sudden inspiration.

She said, “Shiral vhenas ghilas ar, Solas.” Come home to me, Solas.

“Vhenan!” he exclaimed, dropping his leg and standing abruptly. Ellana looked at him with longing and, using her right hand, began to unbutton her shirt. He watched her coolly, even when she opened the blouse to expose that soft area between her breasts, her navel showing. She leaned back casually, trying to control her breathing and staring at Solas with certain expectations and also pleading.

Her voice was quiet but firm and filled the space as she repeated, “Shiral vhenas ghilas ar, vhenan.” Come home to me, heart.

Then he was upon her, his mouth on hers, a hand slithering on her waist and up her back. The weight of him pushed into her, overtaking her as he liked to do, and their feet shuffled together as they moved toward the bed and the moment of intense, unbearable desperation was over.

He pulled away to put his mouth on her neck, helping her shirt off. “This is a terrible idea,” he said into her soft neck and she laughed her reply, absolutely assured that this is quite possibly the best idea she’s ever had, “You’re an idiot!”

“Fenedhis,” he muttered in the same teasing tone. An intake of breath and Solas pulled away, though she could see his lips pouting, wanting to be kissed, and his eyes had a glazed look over them. He moved to sit on the bed, his hands touching her everywhere but her breasts, warm skin to warm skin. He looked at her with awe and longing and such sadness in his eyes that she bent over and kissed each eyelid. “Don’t be sad, vhenan, I’m not leaving,” and she smiled as she kissed him.

He kissed her back and she was emboldened by his passion, and in awe of his self-control. She looked down at her naked torso and did not feel ashamed, but did want to play.

“Well, this is unfair,” she teased. He only smirked at her and she was quick to remove her pants. “I know that might have seemed like I practiced it, but…”

He laughed and she joined him in that laughter and shrugged, standing tall and naked before him to let him drink her up with his eyes, which she was pleased to see he did.

Generous sunlight struck Ellana’s skin and Solas exhaled softly at the sight, lifting one of his clothing-bound arms, extending his hand to her gracefully. “Be ever gracious and assist me in undressing, vhenan?” This was a new game, but one she knew she’d enjoy.

Tugging the soft woolen material, she loosened it from one arm and then the other, pulling the tunic up and off his head. His jawbone necklace almost got caught up in it so she removed that too, kissing his cheeks and the top of his head and she did so. She leaned down and kissed his generous mouth as she worked on the wrappings he wore, making a comment that they were woven in the Dalish style, and he laughed with a little snort and simply said, “Yes.”

She kissed the bare skin she revealed with every wrapping she removed, and when she reached his chest he stopped her before she could go further, saying to her gently, “I would not have you kneel before me.” Instead he stood and took her chin in his hand, looking into her eyes before kissing her deeply, and he quickly and deftly removed his wrappings.

“Oh… did you practice that for me?” she asked, grinning like a fool.

“I did,” he said, and embraced her. He stepped back and they gazed at each other, reaching for one another. Ellana said softly, “Am I to be woken from this wonderful dream, disappointed?”

“No, vhenan. I am reasonably sure we are awake. And I am done talking, now.”

He moved his body in a way to manipulate her onto the bed of her own volition, without touching her. She marveled at the skill. He motioned for her to sit up by the pillows and then he climbed in after her.

Painstakingly slow, one hand started on her foot and he caressed up to her thigh. She was unconcerned with his length and girth, which was clearly ready for her, and more focused on his hands and the concentration of his features. Every part of her was sacred in his hands and he acted as a sculptor, trying to memorize and capture every curve to be poorly imitated later. He focused on her pelvic area, kept trim and neat if only for the sake of hygiene, and when he’d caressed every inch of each foot, shin, and thigh, he leaned back on his heels and stretched her left leg high. Beginning at the center of her foot, he began the slow descent of a smattering of kisses across her leg, looking at her all the while, his hands moving in time with those kisses. Ellana was taken aback and her breath hitched in her throat as he made his way down, down to between her thighs, where it all connected. He settled himself on his stomach between her thighs, breathing his hot breath on her so expertly it did not tickle but only drew out more desire from her.

When his mouth, hot and moist and generous, so generous, finally made contact, Ellana exhaled a breath she didn’t know she was holding and let her head fall back on the pillows with a quiet, “Sulahn’nehn!” Rejoice!

Solas chuckled against her and it sent ripples through to her core, but then that mirth stopped, and that is when the real work began.

He worked on her, meticulously slow and gentle, while her hands roamed over herself. However, she stopped when she noticed the anchor, unhappy with it and the burden it carried. She saw the anchor glowing, the dying fingertips, her practiced words finally spoken aloud to the only one she would dare say those words to: I think the anchor is killing me. Her concentration on Solas was shattering as she looked at the anchor and Solas noticed, looking up from his work. Her eyes focused on him and she said, “I have a glove,” reaching beneath a pillow to produce said glove. “For when I sleep,” she said a little breathlessly. It was thick black material and she slid it on easily. It left her fingertips bare and had a delicate and attractive pattern on it, but she had a fleeting thought she would need a full-size glove soon if her hand continued the way it was. This thought was disrupted by Solas grabbing her hand and kissing it, before lowering his mouth back to the temple that was her and drinking of her as a man dying of thirst would.

Tongue, lips, teeth were at work and she was writhing, panting happily, offering encouragements, grabbing onto herself and also whatever piece of him she could reach. But then Solas did something with his lips and tongue and mouth and her back arched as she squealed loudly in tandem. He did it again and her ass lifted involuntarily as she moaned, something low and deep within her she wasn’t sure she was capable of. His hands moved to control her hips, and she heard a small, almost imperceptible, “Ah.” from him.

After learning her, she was twisted and arching and biting her own fingers, how does he not tire? and she laughed at the revelation as tears pricked her eyes, thinking, all that talking… and he brought her patiently, so patiently to the height of her enjoyment, right to the edge of her anticipated release, that incoming tidal wave of pleasure. Ellana was shaking and expressed her need to be done with it, looking down at him holding her hips with his mouth pressed fiercely against her.

Those violet eyes looked up at her flushed features, mouth slightly parted, glossed over eyes, and he slid two fingers inside her, probing gently as his tongue moved on that bundle of nerves in that form she was coming to love.

She cried out when he’d barely touched her and her body tensed, then finally released as he made a mild suggestion while simultaneously placing pressure on that spot inside her, “Ganas.” Come. Lowering his mouth but not his eyes at her flooding and tossing and her scream as she came. No command, merely a suggestion, but it was enough for her and he gently massaged inside and outside until the tidal wave was satiated and she was spent, slack and sweaty and breathing hard.

He began to leave a trail of kisses over her stomach and breasts, massaging and touching every inch of her slowly. His shadow prompted her to open her eyes up at him as he moved on top of her, resting his torso on hers and kissing her neck, nipping slightly. He murmured into her neck, pulling her against him, “Hellathen, vhenan.” A noble struggle, heart.

The light was slanting in from a different angle now, but the room was as warm as ever and she could smell her own pleasing fragrance in the air mingled with him, but she wanted more, her breathing was more even and her hands began to roam over every inch of him, grasping and clawing. She pushed against his chest to get him to lay on his back but he fought against her, pushing her back down with a hard kiss, which she broke away from to awkwardly say, “There has to be reciprocation.” So grating to her ears to hear her spew off something of that nature in a factual manner.

Solas replied by kissing her neck and mouth for so long she was unsure he heard her, until he said, calm as ever, “Why? No.” It was so soft and gentle and simple, but Ellana met it with, “Don’t you want me to…” suddenly absolutely determined to make this awkward.

“No,” he said again in that frustratingly simple tone. “I do not need you to kneel. Your pleasure is the greatest love letter to me, vhenan.”

“What if I want to kneel before you?” and she raised her hips, feeling the hardness of him. He groaned and grabbed her ass. “There is time for that. But not today. Let me distract you today before I study that hand.” He moved his hand to grip himself and kissed Ellana, pressing against her opening with himself.

Wet and ready and eager she lifted her hips to him; this was her favorite part, that initial insertion, and she knew he’d fit well.

With some coaxing, he did. Fully sheathed, they panted into each other’s ears and necks and then found their rhythm and Ellana felt them as each part of a song: she took and he gave, he took some and she gave most of it back. Together and around, until he grunted and spent himself in her, gasping out.

He stilled before her and murmured a soft, “Ir abelas, vhenan,” a gentle chuckle at the end to note his embarrassment.

Ellana automatically said, “Tel’abelas! Whyever would you -!?”

That damned chuckle again, kissing her collar bone as he lay slack on top of her. “I meant… I did not want to go so quickly.” He moved off her and lay beside her and she laughed some.

“Solas,” she intoned, adjusting herself and placing a hand on his cheek. “Hamin. Rest. I have to admit…” she blushed, closed her eyes, scrunched her face. “I am embarrassed.” She exhaled and Solas touched her cheek. She opened her eyes to gaze into his. “I thought I was experienced in these matters, but I’ve… you are quite the expert.” She saw the relief and humor on his devastatingly handsome features. His eyebrows raised and he shook his head.

“Only with you, and that marvelous spirit of yours, vhenan.”

[diseaseriddencube]

Alastor Has NPD Because I Said So: A Shitty Analysis

Grandiose sense of self-importance. Overestimating their capabilities or holding themselves to unreasonably high standards. Bragging or exaggerating their achievements.

It's pretty clear he thinks highly of himself. I like to think that not only does he love radio, but, being The Radio Demon, he believes himself to be heavily associated with it as if it's part of him. So when he gloats about radio being a superior medium of self expression, he's speaking about himself as well.

He was gone for seven years, and it's pretty blatant that he expects everyone else to care about that. Even if he would most certainly not give a true answer had he been acknowledged, he's desperate for that "where have you been" attention, and gets pissed when it's not received. He just naturally assumes he's important enough that other overlords would be concerned about his absence.

Assuming his smile is something he chooses to do (ignoring the stitch mark theories), it's a very visible high standard he holds himself to, and according to Viv, it's something he judges others for as well. Even alone, he refuses to drop his smile.

Frequent fantasies about having or deserving success

The finale song showcases this well, as he outright states that he wants power/control, to be "holding all the strings"

Belief in superiority. Thinking they’re special or unique. Believing they should associate only with those they see as worthy.

This goes pretty hand in hand with what I wrote in point one tbh. It seems evident that he's picky about who he's friends with as well, for example he only associates with Charlie for power.

Need for admiration. Fragile self-esteem. Frequent self-doubt, self-criticism or emptiness. Preoccupation with knowing what others think of them. Fishing for compliments.

This is more of an internal thing, which can be hard to see in a character that hides his emotions so heavily. But you can see hints of it in his reaction when his commercial is criticized, he's proud and asks for feedback, and immediately reacts negatively and gets defensive upon criticism.

He had a breakdown over the thought of his image being tainted for saving his 'friends', he's less worried about his actual injury and rather the humiliation of being defeated over something so uncharacteristic of him.

Entitlement. Inflated sense of self-worth. Expecting favorable treatment (to an unreasonable degree). Anger when people don’t cater to or appease them.

The first point is basically what I already spoke about, I don't think he really expects favorable treatment (perhaps internally, but he doesn't demand it)

That last point can be showcased with how he reacts to Lucifer, who didn't acknowledge him at all and criticized his work. He was obviously pretty openly pissed when Lucifer wasn't sucking up to him and his work.

Willingness to exploit others. Consciously or unconsciously using others. Forming friendships or relationships with people who boost their self-esteem or status. Deliberately taking advantage of others for selfish reasons.

Do I need to say more than Charlie :/ and also like everyone ever that he interacts with 😭

Lack of empathy. Saying things that might hurt others. Seeing the feelings, needs or desires of others as a sign of weakness. Not returning kindness or interest that others show.

Yeah I don't think the guy who hurts people for a living cares too much about hurting others-

And of course back to the smile thing, he sees anyone who doesn't mask as heavily he does as weak, he looks down on those who display their emotions so openly.

Frequent envy. Feeling envious of others, especially when others are successful. Expecting envy from others. Belittling or diminishing the achievements of others.

I don't actually see too much of this symptom in him, though I think it's more of an internal thing for the most part.

Arrogance. Patronizing behavior. Behaving in a way that’s snobby or disdainful. Talking down or acting condescendingly.

He seems to act most condescendingly around Vaggie, especially in the pilot, he's downright disrespectful. His interactions with Charlie upon trying to cheer her up comes off as very patronizing too.

[vegantinatalist]

"Lesbians experience sexual attraction and are thus not asexual. Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction and are thus not lesbians. Homoromantic asexual women like me desire to romantically partner with women and have no sexual attraction or interest in sex. Some of us are currently identifying as "asexual lesbians" but I'm asking for us to stop this in order to respect the lesbian community."

__

I respectfully disagree with this. Same-sex attraction does not inherently mean sexual attraction, it does include romantic attraction. This is why children can realize they are SSA (or hetero) at an early age, it's in the form of innocent crushes on their peers, not *sex*. I disagree with the split attraction model but "homoromantic asexual" females are lesbians, they are same-sex attracted even though they are not sexually attracted. (+ same applies to biromantics are still bisexual women, but I'm a lesbian so I'm speaking for us) Asexuals females romantically attracted to other females still face lesbophobia, they will still benefit from laws against discrimination and right to same-sex marry, they deserve space in lesbian communities because lesbophobes will see two women together and be homophobic regardless, whether they have sex or are sexually attracted is irrelevant. It's the same as how asexual women will still face misogyny from patriarchy.

I appreciate this, and honestly, I would agree, but the reason i feel its best for us to have separate communities is-

In my experience and in the experience of other aces I've met, whenever we tried to engage in lesbian spaces at any point in our life, whether that be on a site like reddit or a female only site like ovarit, we received a downpour of negative feedback and even death threats and occassionally sexual harassment. Things like "youre just internally homophobic, we've had enough of "catholic lesbianism", stop infantilizing lesbianism we arent chaste schoolgirls, lesbians must experience sexual attraction stop piggybacking on our community, you are just cluster b/autistic/insert some insult, youre just a straight person who thinks lesbianism is a club, youre just erasing lesbianism kys, i bet if you have sex with me youll realize youre not ace" etc. Ive even had a woman very genuinely say they wanted to rape me after I said I was ace, in person...and I later learned I was not the only one to experience this. We have unique experiences as asexuals. Most of us also just never identified as lesbians. We were and still are often told we are not lesbians. We are told not to date lesbians as we are not what lesbians are looking for. We are told that if we were to marry it would be a friend marriage, larping and homophobic to call a lesbian wedding etc. This is not to say all lesbians say this, but when you are an asexual this is what you experience in lesbian communities to a tiring degree. If you get fed up with it, youll be told how dare you, lesbians are dealing with enough non-lesbians claiming to be lesbians, the way they are treating you is justified and youre the one who should apologize. sometimes we are told to say we are bi which is upsetting because we are very much not bi. sometimes we are told "you can say youre wlw as long as you never talk about being ace because thats off topic". I would rather not perpetuate conflict like this, it will just offend both sides and frankly, I'm just pretty tired of it, it feels like having to justify myself everywhere I go. Besides, in terms of dating purposes I believe it makes more sense to create a space for asexuals to find other asexuals. Allo/asexual relationships are often dissatisfying for both sides and asexuals tend to feel very lost in most communities as sex is usually such a huge part of life for most people and thus most communities.

I believe split attraction model applies only to asexuals. While many may still consider us lesbians, the fact remains that we just really cant speak freely in lesbian communities and have to constantly justify ourselves and we would benefit from an asexual community. We have had similar struggles but also very different struggles and also vent about different things and yearn for different things. True asexuals are becoming more radicalized into antisexuals due to having so many negative experiences, and because our own spaces are now dominated by "but asexuals can still have sex! remember never to actually openly be sex repulsed because it offends others!" people. i think feafem would not carry over this issue as our intentions are really clear- we are entirely nonsexual asexuals, not necessarily homoromantic asexuals, who want to exclusively date and partner women and we dont fit in in lesbian and bi communities. i am ace4ace and it would be nice to meet others like me.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

<3 Ooohhh ok hm... honestly i do not post much fic (checked AO3 and only 18), for the amount that i start writing and then leave in various stages of completion in drafts on my computer, oops. Unfortunately at least 1 favorite is in that category, but here we go!

Fallout from the Fade (Dragon Age: Inquisition): Hawke is left in the fade during the events of DAI's Here Lies The Abyss, but manages to fight her way back out. However she's left to recover from the severe side effects and trauma that come along. Ok my confession here is while i have not updated this fic since 2020, i have in fact written more of it. But since i kept going so long (months... and then years...) between chapters I decided it'd be better if i just finish writing the rest myself (at least roughly) so i know how much more there is to go and can update it on a more regular schedule in the future when i start posting again. Alas i am very slow at this bc of grad school and also bc i get distracted easily and... have less motivation to work on it when not actually getting feedback as i go. So i may change my mind about this approach eventually but it's where the fic stands now.

Like Teeth Against His Heart (Dragon Age: Inquisition): After Solas wakes up from uthenera, he has many conversations with a variety of spirits over the course of DAI. Sometimes they tell him what he wants to hear, and sometimes they don't. I typically like the recent things I've written the most and this is that. It's a prose-poem style that plays with formatting, aka its kind of Weird, and weird is my favorite. I wrote it for a charity zine which also meant i had to have a Final Version rather than endlessly tweak it forever which was irritating at the time but also good for me.

Unposted, No-Finalized-Title fic, with the file jokingly named 'Sam I Am' (Mass Effect: Andromeda): pre-Andromeda and game timeline but from the perspective of your ship's AI, who also lives inside your character's brain, and in the game admits to altering your brain/body, and hello??? the game did NOT let me respond to that to the degree I desired? One of my literary obsessions is the combination of AI (the sci fi kind not... generative art etc) plus human augmentation... what that does to both parties sense of self, their relationships, how they view and function in the world, etc. In the vein of Silently And Very Fast by Cat Valente, Imperial Radch by Ann Lecke, Murderbot by Martha Wells... and I spent soooo much time wishing Andromeda had gone deeper into that angle/thinking about it myself I wrote. Quite a long fic about it. But i only played the game once and there wasn't much fan love/fanworks for it so I never posted it or any other Andromeda stuff I wrote, it was more just for myself. I'd like to go back and finish this fic but I estimate it'd be in the 40-70k word range and i'd need to replay the game to refresh my memory so it's like, a project for when i have a bunch of free time at some point in the future, since it's mostly just for Me.

the people you love become ghosts inside of you, and like this, you keep them alive (Mass Effect trilogy): Snippets of a variety of Garrus' thoughts and memories of Shepard, and a growing realization about the nature of love like theirs. I don't expect anyone to love this one but me, because it's just a self-indulgent thing I wrote specifically to figure out the flavor of grief involved in the relationship between my personal Shepard and Garrus. It's not as poem-formatted as my Solavellan one but the prose leans hard in that direction, and they came from the same place for me. I wrote it after finishing the trilogy because I (unlike a lot of fans, i know) felt very adamant that the correct ending for my Shepard is that she is dead now, and not coming back, and needed to cry some more about that.

like the leaves after a long winter (Dragon Age II): It's the first Christmas/Satinalia since Leandra's death, and Hawke is not in the mood for festivities -- until she realizes that everyone else will be spending it alone and finds herself hosting a party without even meaning to. I'll be honest #5 spot was kind of a toss up between this one, Less A Man Than A Wild Cat, and Grief. But I've decided on this one because 1. it covers my favorite thing to write about aka grief, but is actually written as a story/proper narrative unlike others i've already put on this list. With fanfic the most important thing to me before anything else is self-indulgence. While I love writing for prompts (like this one was!), my specific joy in that is taking an idea from someone else and figuring out how to cram all the things I care about into someone else's plot summary. Fanfic for me is like... it feels weird to call it 'writing exercises' because that implies i don't care about the final project when i very much do. Writing challenges? Maybe? Idk i just really enjoy having limitations to work within. Having NO boundaries is where I do my original content writing, so writing within the bounds of an existing franchise already means there's some limits (like keeping to characterizations, plot, etc) and then adding more on top makes it a fun experience and keeps me engaged.

While these are my top 5, I definitely don't think most of them are what other people would pick as a favorite from my (admittedly very limited) amount of posted writing, Fallout from the Fade being the exception. I think my friends probably like the one where I turned Fenris into a cat best (and that was VERY fun it's just also more lighthearted which i struggle to write sooooo bad), and then every one else is in my inbox about the single Solas x F!Travelyan fic I wrote largely as an experiment in writing sex scenes. sorry to everyone who read that and then tried to read my other fics and discovered its mostly blood and loss and Yearning...