#the dark oreo cookie to the white filling cream

[ratatatastic]

congrats on the couples fit guys

[arc-misadventures]

Would You Like A Oreo?

Weiss: Mother, how are you feeling since coming her to stay with Blake’s parents?

Willow: Kali, and Ghira?

Weiss: Yes; are they treating you well, are you feeling okay?

Willow: Hmmm…

Willow: I feel like an… an oreo.

Weiss: An oreo? What are you talking about?

Willow: I feel like I’m stuck between two dark cookies, and filled with delicious white cream.

Weiss: WHAT?!

[ladytesla]

The Great Faerun Baking Show (Part one of possibly more)

Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is knowing not to put ketchup in a profiterole.  Dexterity is crafting a croquembouche out of red craquelin-encrusted ketchup-filled profiteroles.  Strength is carrying that croquembouche from your bench to the judge’s table.  Constitution is being able to withstand the pressure of having your tomato croquembouche being judged by Prue Leith.  Charisma is trying to convince Paul Hollywood that your tomato croquembouche was a completely logical idea.

Twelve new bakers have been chosen to enter the tent.  Over the next ten weeks, they will face 30 brand new challenges.  Every aspect of their baking will be scrutinized and put up to the scrutiny of Prue and Paul.  Each week one will rise to become Star Baker, and whoever crumbles to the pressure will be sent home.  But who will go on to win the Great Faerun Baking Show?

I came up with this horrible idea so now I’m inflicting it on all of you.  May the gods have mercy on your souls.  So here’s how this odd little imagine is going to work.  I have no idea what’s going to happen.  I’m just going to roll a D20 ‘bake check’ for everyone, and write out the results, including what everyone rolled so y’all know I’m not cheating just so my druid boyfriend can win.  The person with the lowest total score (out of a possible score of 60) goes home. I’m going to write this in short form, but if this gets a lot of traction I might make this a full-scale fanfiction with shenanigans on like AO3 or something.

Our bakers are 6 men and 6 women.  I put all romanceable companions, Jaheira and Minsc, Dammon because he’s wonderful, and because I’m making the rules here, my tav Medora. If you’d rather not deal with someone else’s tav, just pretend it’s Alfira since they’re both female bards. If you're interested in seeing what my sleep-deprived mind came up with one night, read on!

Week One: Cake Week, or "why did you think putting literal blood in a cake was a good idea"

Signature Challenge: Swiss Roll Cake

Astarion: Dark chocolate and blood orange.  It cracked a little on the top, but it tasted quite nice.

Dammon: Apple pie.  Surprisingly for a blacksmith who works with heavy-duty equipment he’s really good at making small, delicate things.  It had a tiny lattice top in royal icing like a real apple pie would.  It tasted excellent. 

Gale: He wanted something unusual and colorful, so he went with ube.  He wanted to use magic to make it float or change color, but was told that was against the rules.  It’s okay though, It was still really nice, and beautifully presented.

Halsin: Wild blueberry and honey.  He harvested the honey himself, and was proud to say so.  Unfortunately he used sugar instead of salt because he got distracted by some ducks walking by outside the tent, and it tasted awful.

Jaheira: Chocolate and peanut butter.  It’s flavors her kids like.  Unfortunately Paul seems to always have issues with peanut butter and how it glues his mouth shut.  He wasn’t as big a fan of the cake as Prue was.

Karlach: S’mores swiss roll with toasted marshmallows on top.  She toasted the marshmallows a bit too much, but that’s part of the charm of s’mores.  She’s not sorry.

Lae’zel: Matcha and black sesame.  Interesting flavor choices, but not as well-executed as the judges would have liked.

Medora: Lemon meringue.  The meringue was very poorly executed, the lemon curd squished out of the sides of the cake, and the cake itself cracked horribly.

Minsc: Chai swiss roll.  The swiss roll wasn’t as tight as it should have been, but the flavors were lovely.

Minthara: Chocolate and whiskey swiss roll.  Accompanied by shots of whiskey, in an attempt to bribe the judges.

Shadowheart: Cookies and cream swiss roll, with a neat half and half black and white design.  It wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but she managed to cover up some of the worst sins with strategically-placed oreos.

Wyll: Red velvet. A classic flavor for a classic guy, and executed almost perfectly.

Technical Challenge: Cherry Cake

Bakers will be listed in descending order of success.

Karlach

Lae’zel

Minsc

Jaheira and Shadowheart tied, actually.  You decide who gets fourth.

Either Shadowheart or Jaheira, depending on who’s your least favorite lol

Medora

Halsin

Wyll and Gale also tied.  Pick your favorite.

Gale or Wyll

Astarion

Dammon

Minthara

Showstopper Challenge: Chocolate Celebration Cake

Astarion: Tiers are lopsided and the texture is claggy, but he did his best to charm the judges and distract them.

Dammon: Not as successful as his signature round, but his piping work was surprisingly delicate.

Gale: Attempted to make a chocolate tribute to Mystra.  The sculptural aspect was lacking, but he was one of the few contestants to use ruby chocolate, which was unique.

Halsin: Used even more foraged berries on a white chocolate cake.  Very successful.

Jaheira: Dropped her cake before she could finish decorating it.  Could not be judged.

Karlach: Put in some cinnamon and chili to make a Mexican hot chocolate cake.  Very nice.

Lae’zel: No one knows what dimension that chocolate came from, only that it was amazing.  She got a Hollywood Handshake.

Medora: Finally seemed to get with the program and baked a lovely triple-chocolate cake.

Minsc: Despite him not having hair, Boo drove him like it was a scene from Ratatouille and created chocolate perfection.  Hollywood Handshakes for both of them.

Minthara: Her cake was very dry and didn’t have enough frosting.

Shadowheart: Insisted her cake be colored black with activated charcoal and got it everywhere.

Wyll: Tried to go for a classic again, and did well, but the judges wondered if he played it too safe.

The Results

Our star baker this week with a total score of 49/60 is: Karlach!

And unfortunately due to her total score of 18/60, Minthara is the first to leave the tent.

And that concludes Cake Week!

Biscuit Week

Bread Week

Pies and Tarts Week

Underdark Week

[arecipes]

Looking for a simple yet delicious treat to make this holiday season? Peppermint Oreo Balls are the perfect choice! These no-bake delights combine the rich taste of Oreo cookies with a refreshing hint of peppermint, all covered in a smooth chocolate shell. With just a few ingredients, you can create a festive dessert that’s great for gifting, parties, or simply indulging at home.

In this article, we’ll guide you through the step-by-step process of making these delicious peppermint Oreo balls, along with some tips and variations to make them even more special.

Why You’ll Love Peppermint Oreo Balls

Peppermint Oreo Balls are incredibly easy to make, yet they look and taste like a gourmet treat. The combination of crushed Oreos, cream cheese, and peppermint creates a rich, creamy filling, while the chocolate coating adds a satisfying crunch. The hint of peppermint adds a refreshing twist, making these treats perfect for the holiday season. Best of all, they’re no-bake, which means you can whip them up in no time!

Ingredients for Peppermint Oreo Balls

Here’s what you’ll need to make these festive peppermint Oreo balls:

1 package (14 oz) Oreo cookies (crushed)

1 (8 oz) package cream cheese (softened)

1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract

12 oz white chocolate or semi-sweet chocolate (melted)

Crushed candy canes or peppermint candies (for garnish)

Step-by-Step Recipe for Peppermint Oreo Balls

Step 1: Crush the Oreos

Place the Oreo cookies in a food processor and pulse until they form fine crumbs. If you don’t have a food processor, you can put the cookies in a resealable plastic bag and crush them with a rolling pin.

Step 2: Mix with Cream Cheese and Peppermint Extract

In a large mixing bowl, combine the crushed Oreos with the softened cream cheese and peppermint extract. Mix until the ingredients are fully combined and the mixture is smooth. The dough should have a thick, sticky consistency.

Step 3: Form the Oreo Balls

Using a small cookie scoop or spoon, scoop out small portions of the mixture and roll them into 1-inch balls. Place the balls on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Once all the balls are formed, refrigerate them for about 20-30 minutes to firm up.

Step 4: Dip in Chocolate

Melt the white or semi-sweet chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl, stirring every 30 seconds until smooth. Using a fork or dipping tool, dip each Oreo ball into the melted chocolate, making sure it's fully coated. Allow any excess chocolate to drip off before placing the ball back on the parchment-lined baking sheet.

Step 5: Garnish and Set

While the chocolate coating is still wet, sprinkle the tops of the Oreo balls with crushed candy canes or peppermint candies. This adds a festive touch and a bit of extra peppermint flavor. Let the chocolate set completely by placing the Oreo balls in the refrigerator for at least 15 minutes.

Tips for Making the Best Peppermint Oreo Balls

Chill the dough: Make sure to chill the Oreo balls before dipping them in chocolate. This helps them hold their shape and makes them easier to work with.

Use high-quality chocolate: For the best flavor and texture, use high-quality melting chocolate or chocolate chips. White chocolate, dark chocolate, or semi-sweet chocolate all work well for this recipe.

Add food coloring: If you want to make these treats even more festive, add a few drops of red or green food coloring to the white chocolate for a fun holiday look.

Peppermint variation: If you love an extra peppermint kick, you can also add crushed candy canes to the Oreo mixture itself for more texture and flavor.

Store properly: Store these peppermint Oreo balls in an airtight container in the refrigerator. They will keep fresh for up to a week, making them a perfect make-ahead treat.

Why This Recipe Works

The combination of Oreo cookies and peppermint extract creates a delightful balance of rich chocolate flavor and refreshing mint. The cream cheese binds the ingredients together, giving the filling a smooth, truffle-like texture. The chocolate coating adds a satisfying crunch, while the crushed candy canes on top provide a festive touch and an extra burst of peppermint flavor. This simple recipe delivers maximum taste with minimal effort.

Serving Suggestions for Peppermint Oreo Balls

For holiday gatherings: Serve these Oreo balls as part of your dessert spread at holiday parties. They’re easy to grab and eat, making them a hit at any event.

As gifts: Package these treats in a festive box or tin for a homemade gift that’s sure to delight friends and family.

With hot drinks: Enjoy these peppermint Oreo balls with a cup of hot chocolate, coffee, or tea for a cozy, indulgent treat.

Conclusion

Peppermint Oreo Balls are the perfect no-bake treat to celebrate the holiday season. With their rich Oreo filling, creamy chocolate coating, and refreshing peppermint flavor, they’re sure to become a favorite dessert for your family and friends. Whether you’re making them for a festive gathering or giving them as gifts, these easy-to-make treats are guaranteed to impress.

[astarab1aze]

Common Munchies

The supernatural world exists in conjunction with and often mirrors the human. To this end, supernaturals have corporations, responses to competing products, inventions, etc etc - which means they have hella snacks, too. This list is nonexhaustive.

Snallygobsters, which are gobstopper-like hard candies that can temporarily give you Snallygaster traits, like a beak or wings. It only lasts for a moment though, just enough to be fun. They are a collaboration between the supernatural Gretel's and mundane Wonka that's been going since the early 1980's.

Cookies & Screams, which are chocolate sandwich cookies with enchanted catagoras cream that screams between the cookies. They're just the supernatural world's corporate response to Oreos, really. Mystery packs always contain one randomly hexed cookie that invariably ends up making one's mouth taste like pickled wyrm liver.

Boo Berries, an affectionate name for a berry tart made throughout the autumn months. It's also made with enchanted catagoras cream, as well as honey, custard, and chocolate depending on the individual making it. The catagoras cream makes them moan like a ghost or scream like a banshee once cut into. Typically enjoyed with friends or family, or otherwise large groups.

Witch Fingers, which are twitching, flicking, pointy treats not unlike a green desert pastry with red cream and jam in the middle. Much simpler than the above, but good fun for young children. Originated as a response to the goofy stereotypes ascribed to witches.

Ecto-Slime, which is just a moving slime candy themed around the G.hostbusters franchise, moving and wriggling the second the tube opens. Many sorcerers are enormous fans.

Cottonmouth Cakes, an insufferably dry tea cake. A delicacy often (not) enjoyed with tea. They're made with vanilla, lemon, blood orange, chocolate, lavender, and Morphagora Eyes typically, though there are variants. The eyes move and occasionally blink, but they are safe to eat, offering a burst of concentrated flavor that does nothing to ease your dry mouth. Typically served as an insult or an offering of friendship in formal settings. Older generations have a taste for them, but there are some youngins who enjoy them too.

FrankenLeeches, a chocolate candy modeled from the animal, but instead of blood and other gross things, they are stuffed with a marshmallow cream. They come in multiple types of chocolate and ooze with flavored filling; Dark chocolate is paired with orange cream or Cookies & Screams filling, white chocolate is paired with strawberry cream or key lime, milk chocolate with caramel cream or almonds, and more. There's also a gummy version filled with sour Ecto-Slime and comes in various flavors. Sold standard in assorted packs of 3-5in long Leeches, 3 of the chocolate variety or 3 of the gummy variety. They're often used as a gag on 1st year students, not because they're disgusting (on the contrary, they're quite tasty), but because the idea of biting into a writhing Frankenleech is simply foul on its face - and they do, in fact, wriggle and writhe like living leeches.

Ramona Shank's Rum-Runner Candies, enchanted novelty caramels that, when ingested, temporarily give you a " pirate accent " and a sudden craving for rum. Created by Ramona Shank, the great Pirate Witch, during the Golden Age of Piracy. Ramona's reputation was more or less just a marketing scheme that still works to this day.

Bloody Delights, a play on Turkish delights. They are made with a variety of donated / byproduct blood types, rose water, gelatin, raspberry juice, and finely powdered sugar, and are designed specifically for vampires. Their flavor is a bit...metallic, muddy, and weird to non-vampires, but taste sweet, pillowy, gummy, and homely to most vampires.

[sleeepybeary]

☆ 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐔

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Don't click on any links if you're hungry :T

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[lacuna-lunax]

10/08/24

So.... yeah.

Sat 1170 – 4 Fizz

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa White Chocolate Cookie

Relentless Raspberry Zero Sugar

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Slow Roasted Tasty Bites

Peach Passionfruit Yoghurt

Kinder Bueno White Milk & Hazelnuts

Fully Loaded Miso, White Chocolate & Fudge Cookie

Maltesers Milk Chocolate & Honeycomb Snack Bag

Sun 1154 – 8 Fizz

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Lemon Cheesecake Flavour 227

Relentless Raspberry Zero Sugar

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Southern Style Tasty Bites

Raspberry Yoghurt

Hartley's 10 Cal Orange Jelly Pot

Kinder Bueno White Milk & Hazelnuts

The Mega Indulgent Brownie

Maltesers Milk Chocolate & Honeycomb Snack Bag

Mon 1151

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Salted Caramel

Monster Energy Ultra Rosa

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Southern Style Tasty Bites

220 Yoghurt

Cadbury Raspberry Mini Roll

Galaxy Ripple Milk Chocolate

Aero Bubbles Peppermint Mint Chocolate

Tue 1169

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Monster Energy Drink Ultra Zero Sugar

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Slow Roasted Tasty Bites

Raspberry Yoghurt

Cadbury Raspberry Mini Roll

KitKat Chunky Milk Chocolate

Reese's Mini Peanut Butter Cup

Wed 1155

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Salted Caramel

Monster Energy Drink Ultra Zero Sugar

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Slow Roasted Tasty Bites

220 Yoghurt

Cadbury Raspberry Mini Roll

Barebells Crispy Nougat Protein Bar

Aero Melts Orange Chocolate

Thurs 1145

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Oreo White

Monster Energy Ultra Rosa

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Southern Style Tasty Bites

220 Yoghurt

Cadbury Raspberry Mini Roll

Maxi Nutrition Filled Creamy Core Chocolate Coconut Protein Bar Dark

Milkybar Giant Buttons Raspberry Ripple

Fri 1169

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Monster Energy Drink Ultra Zero Sugar

Fridge Raiders Meat Free Southern Style Tasty Bites

220 Yoghurt

Cadbury Raspberry Mini Roll

Fulfil Peanut Butter Chocolate Flavour Vitamin & Protein Bar

Munchies Milk Chocolate Cookie Dough Ice Cream

[helenfletcher]

How to Make S'mores Tart is more than just one more no bake recipe. It comprises some basic baking elements that you can use over and over. The graham cracker crust and the marshmallow cream (creme or fluff whatever you call it) is so simple to make from scratch you'll wonder why you haven't done it before. The crust can be used in many no bake or baked options, think cheesecake, as a base for mousse cakes or as a part of cold desserts. The marshmallow cream can be sandwiched between cookies, added to hot chocolate and used as a finished on other cakes and pie. It can be spoon on or piped on. In any case it will hold its shape. As one of the favorites of summer, especially when camping, this easy tart is one you'll want to put on your dessert menu over and over. It's a great way to start getting children interested in the kitchen. Let them try their hand at piping - I can guarantee it will be interesting. Amazingly, this S'mores Tart is not too sweet which allows all the flavors to come through. Here are a few cookies that would be fantastic with marshmallow cream sandwiched between them: Peanut Butter Sandwich Cookies (sub for the filling or add it as a second filling), Fudgy Chocolate Cookies with Variations, Almost Oreos, Very Lemon Butter Crisps, Best of All Spiced Molasses Cookies, Base Recipe for Cookies with 8 variations, Flourless Chocolate Raspberry Cookies with or without the raspberry, Oatmeal Cookies, and while we're at it why not the really fast Cocoa Brownies. What's Not to Like About this Recipe It's another no bake recipe that is quick and easy. Simple ingredients are used so there's no chasing something down. It's super kid friendly as long as the sugar syrup is supervised. How neat would it be to make your own marshmallow? Because it is not overly sweet all the flavors of the milk chocolate, graham cracker crust and marshmallow cream come through. Variations I know traditional S'mores don't include nuts but I think they are perfect in this tart. Don't like peanuts? Use toasted pecans....or a nut you do like. Stir rice krispies into the marshmallow cream as soon as it is finished for a quick, low fat version of Rice Krispy Treats. Add nuts, chips, dried fruit, etc. as desired. Thin the marshmallow cream with a little water and use it to top ice cream. Recipe Ingredients Graham Cracker Crust FRONT ROW: Unsalted Butter BACK ROW: Graham crackers, powdered sugar Milk Chocolate Filling FRONT ROW: Honey roasted peanuts BACK ROW: Milk chocolate, heavy cream Marshmallow Cream FRONT ROW: Water, vanilla extract BACK ROW: Granulated Sugar, egg whites, corn syrup. Key Ingredients Any plain graham cracker will due but be aware that different brands may take more or less butter to bind them. So start off with 3/4 of the butter and if the crumbs don't stick together well when a small amount is pressed between your fingers, add the rest. Powdered sugar is used to avoid a grainy textured crust. Milk Chocolate is the traditional choice for S'mores. I use Trader Joe's Pound Plus Milk Chocolate for it's depth of flavor and caramel overtones. Any good milk chocolate will due though. I don't recommend milk chocolate chips or Hershey's milk chocolate. Honey Roasted Peanuts are a great addition as I believe any nut would be - salted or unsalted. Other nuts such as toasted pecans would be great or use the nut of your choice or omit it. Corn Syrup seems to be a problem with some people. There is some confusion between corn syrup and high fructose corn syrup.  Karo Corn syrup as found on grocers' shelves, either clear or dark, is 100% glucose (sugar) and is not the same as the high fructose variety used in commercial products. Years ago Karo changed their formula for consumer corn syrup to no longer include the offending high fructose corn syrup. I don't know about other brands. Be sure to see the recipe card below for the exact ingredients & instructions. Step by Step Instructions

Graham Cracker Crust Step 1. Crush the graham crackers between your hands and place them and the powdered sugar in the bowl of a processor. Step 2. Process to make fine crumbs. (If you aren't using a processor, place the crackers in a plastic bag and roll over them with a rolling pin to crush them. Put them in a bowl with the powdered sugar and continue as in the directions.) Step 3. Add 3/4 of the melted butter to the processor. Step 4. Pulse the machine until all the crumbs are uniformly moistened. Take a small amount crumbs and squeeze them between your fingers. If they hold firmly together you're done. If they don't add the additional butter. Step 5. Spray a 9x1" tart pan with a removable bottom with a non-stick baking release. Steo 6. Arrange 2/3 if the crumbs around the inside edge of the tart pan. Step 7. With your hand or a measuring cup, press the crumbs very firmly against the side of the pan. Step 8. Go around a second time to make sure they are evenly pressed in. Step 9. Distribute the remainder of the crumbs evenly over the bottom of the pan. Step 10. Press them firmly into the shell. Step 11. Place the nuts in the processor (no need to clean it) and pulse to coarsely chop them. Step 12. Spread the nuts evenly over the crust. Milk Chocolate Filling Step 13. Chop the chocolate so it will melt uniformly. Step 14. Heat the cream until steaming hot but not boiling. Add the chocolate and submerge it under the cream. Let it sit for a few minutes to melt the chocolate. Step 15. Whisk the mixture until it is smooth and no lumps remain. Be sure to get into the edges of the pan. Step 16. Pour it into the crust. Set aside for the chocolate to firm up. To speed it along, place it in the refrigerator. Marshmallow Cream Step 17. Place the egg whites and vanilla in the bowl of a mixer. Step 18. Beat just until very soft peaks form. Then start adding the sugar as called for a little at a time. When the whites form soft peaks, reduce the speed of the mixer to it's lowest point and keep moving them around. Do not turn the machine off while making the syrup or the texture of the whites will change and they could become unusable. Step 19. In the meantime as the whites are beating, put the water, corn syrup and sugar in a smallish saucepan. Bring it to a boil and continue cooking until the temperature reaches 245°F. Step 21. Increase the egg whites to medium low. Pour the syrup slowly into the whites. After all the syrup is in, increase the speed of the mixer to medium and then medium high and beat until it is very stiff and holds sharp peaks. Allow it to cool. Step 22. Fit a piping bag with a 1/2" or 3/4" plain tip and pipe "kisses" all the way around the outer edge. Keep moving inward until the tart is completely covered. Don't want to pipe? Spoon it on and make pretty swirls with the back of the spoon. Step 23. Using a small blow torch or propane tank, lightly toast the marshmallow to color them. Step 24. Remove the side of the tart pan. To take it off the bottom, slide a metal spatula between the bottom of the tart and the tart pan. Go all around the tart. Slide it off onto a serving dish. Recipe FAQS Why are they called S'Mores? The first recipe was found in the Girl Scouts of America Handbook published in 1927. The term s'more is first found the 1938 guide “Recreational Programs for Summer Camps,” by William Henry Gibson. It is a contraction of "some more". Where did marshmallows come from? Ancient Egyptians. It was only eaten by gods and royalty because it was deemed so special as early as 2000 BC. How did marshmallow get its name? The marshmallow was originally made from the mallow plant (Athaea officinalis) that grows wild in marshes....hence marsh mallow. Expert Tips When adding the butter to the crumbs withhold about a quarter of it. Different graham crackers absorb more or less butter. More can always be added. If it does become too wet, add more crumbs.

Press the crumbs into the pan very firmly or it will crumble when cut. For the best cuts as seen in the photos of the completed tart, use a hot, dry knife. Run the knife under really hot water and quickly wipe it dry. Cut straight down on the tart, do not use a sawing motion. When making the syrup for the marshmallows, use a saucepan that holds about 6 cups. The mixture rises up as it boils. However, do not use a large pan or the ingredients will spread out too much making it difficult to use the thermometer. Chopping the chocolate helps to melt it quickly and evenly. Whisk it smooth but don't be too enthusiastic or there will be a lot of air bubbles. More Lucious Tarts If you love this S'Mores Tart, It would be hugely helpful and so appreciated it if you would take a moment to leave a rating below. Thank you. How to Make A S'mores Tart As one of the favorites of summer, especially when camping, this easy tart is one you'll want to put on your dessert menu over and over. It's a great way to start getting children interested in the kitchen. Let them try their hand at piping - I can guarantee it will be interesting. tart pan with removable bottomThermometer Graham Cracker Crust1 1/3 cups graham cracker crumbs (170 grams)1/3 cup powdered sugar (34 grams)10 tablespoons unsalted butter (140 grams) Milk Chocolate Filling12 ounces milk chocolate (340 grams)1 cup heavy cream1/2 cup peanuts or other nuts, optional (60 grams)Marshmallow Cream3 tablespoons water2/3 cup corn syrup1/3 cup granulated sugar (65 grams)2 large egg whites (64 grams)2 teaspoons vanilla extract Graham Cracker CrustPlace the graham crackers and powdered sugar in the processor bowl and process to make crumbs. If not using a processor, put the crumbs in a plastic bag and roll over them with a rolling pin to make the crumbs. Continue as below.Add 3/4 of the butter and pulse until the crumbs are evenly coated. Press a small amount of crumbs between your fingers to make sure it will stick together firmly. If not, add the remainder of the butter.Spray the 9x1" tart tin with a non-stick baking release. Arrange 2/3 of the crumbs evenly along the inside edge of the pan. Using your hand or a measuring cup, press the crumbs firmly into the side of the pan. Place the remainder of the crumbs evenly on the bottom of the pan and press in firmly. Set aside.Milk Chocolate FillingWithout cleaning the processor bowl, add the nuts and pulse to chop coarsely. Distribute evenly over the crust. Set aside.Put the cream in a saucepan and bring to a simmer. Do not boil. Remove it from the heat. Submerge the chocolate under the cream for a few minutes.Stir, or gently whisk the mixture together until the chocolate is completely melted and the mixture is combined. Make sure to get into the edges of the pan.Pour it into the shell and let it set up at room temperature or speed it along by refrigerating it.Marshmallow CreamIn a small saucepan, bring the water, cornsyrup and 1/4 cup (50 grams) of sugar to a boil. Continue to boil hard until a candy thermometer reaches 245°F.In the meantime, place the egg whites and vanilla in a clean mixing bowl fitted with a whisk. Beat the egg whites to the soft peak stage.  Slowly add the remaining sugar and return to the soft peak stage.  If the whites get done before the syrup, reduce the speed to the lowest and keep mixing.  Do not turn the mixer off.When the syrup comes to temperature, raise the speed of the mixer to medium and slowly drizzle it into the whites.  Turn the mixer to high and beat until thick and lukewarm.   Fit a piping bag with a 1/2" to 3/4" plain tip and pipe "kisses" around the outer edge of the tart. Continue piping moving in towards the center until it is completely covered. Not into piping? Spoon on the marshmallow cream and make pretty swirls with the back of a spoon.With a small blow torch or a propane tank, lightly toast the topping.To make perfect slices, heat the knife under really hot water, dry it quickly and slice straight down.

Do not use a sawing motion. Store the tart in the refrigerator. But serve it at or near room temperature. There is always an abundance of photos to guide you in the post above. As always, I recommend using a scale for accuracy and consistency.  Flour, in particular, is difficult to measure by volume.  For my recipes, I use 140 grams per cup of unsifted  all-purpose, bread or whole wheat flour and 125 grams of cake flour. Others may use different weights so use whatever they suggest. ___________________________________________________ When adding the butter to the crumbs withhold about a quarter of it. Different graham crackers absorb more or less butter. More can always be added. If it does become too wet, add more crumbs. Press the crumbs into the pan very firmly or it will crumble when cut. For the best cuts as seen in the photos of the completed tart, use a hot, dry knife. Run the knife under really hot water and quickly wipe it dry. Cut straight down on the tart, do not use a sawing motion. When making the syrup for the marshmallows, use a saucepan that holds about 6 cups. The mixture rises up as it boils. However, do not use a large pan or the ingredients will spread out too much making it difficult to use the thermometer. Chopping the chocolate helps to melt it quickly and evenly. Whisk it smooth but don't be too enthusiastic or there will be a lot of air bubbles. Store in the refrigerator but serve at or near room temperature.   DessertAmericanHow to Make S'mores, S'Mores,, Tart,

[giftdubaionline]

What are some popular flavors to order cake online?

Order Cake Online Dubai

When ordering cakes online, the following are some popular and widely loved flavors that are often available from online cake shops in UAE

Chocolate Cake

A timeless classic, chocolate cakes are loved by people of all ages. They come in various forms, such as dark chocolate, milk chocolate, and white chocolate, and may include additional elements like chocolate chips or ganache.

Vanilla Cake

A simple yet delightful flavor, vanilla cakes are a favorite for their light and fluffy texture. They can be paired with various fillings and frostings to create a wide range of cake styles.

Red Velvet Cake

With its striking red color and subtle cocoa flavor, red velvet cakes have become a popular choice for special occasions. They are often layered with cream cheese frosting.

Carrot Cake

Carrot cakes, made with grated carrots and spices, offer a moist and flavorful treat. Cream cheese frosting is a common accompaniment to enhance the taste.

Strawberry Cake

Strawberry cakes, usually infused with fresh strawberries or strawberry puree, provide a fruity and sweet taste. They can be complemented with whipped cream or strawberry-flavored frosting.

Coffee

For coffee lovers, coffee-flavored cakes are a delightful choice. They often include espresso or coffee extracts and can be paired with coffee buttercream or mocha frosting.

Caramel Cake

Caramel cakes boast a rich, sweet, and buttery taste. They can be combined with caramel sauce, caramel buttercream, or toffee bits for added indulgence.

Black Forest Cake

Originating from Germany, black forest cakes feature layers of chocolate sponge cake, whipped cream, and cherries for a decadent treat.

Oreo Cake

Perfect for those who love cookies and cream, Oreo cakes incorporate crushed Oreo cookies into the batter and frosting, creating a delightful texture and taste.

These are just a few examples of popular cake flavors available in our online cake shop. We offer a wide variety of flavors to cater to different tastes and preferences. When ordering cake online, you'll likely find even more unique and creative flavors to choose.

[aiweirdness]

AI-generated donuts

If you're going to open a late-night donut shop, you're going to need a unique set of over-the-top donuts to set the proper festive atmosphere. But how to keep the ideas coming?

I decided to see what donut ideas I could get using OpenAI's GPT-3 text-generating models. I collected seven of the weirdest donuts and descriptions I could find (such as a pizza donut, or a dirt-themed donut), and presented them as a list for the AI to complete. I've drawn a few of the best donuts it added to the list.

[human illustrations of some of the ai-generated donuts below]

When I say I used "GPT-3" for this project it's hard to be exact about it, because OpenAI often updates the models. The newest GPT-3 versions (as of May 2022) actually did the worst at this task - they kept presenting me with real donuts that they'd seen during their online training, and not even particularly weird donuts. They were trying to match what was most common online, not what I was asking for. But the original early-2020 GPT-3 models were more willing to deliver the weirdness. Here are some more of my favorite results from the various models!

The biggest model, DaVinci

Violet Beauregarde - A lemon glazed donut with blue raspberry eyes and a raspberry center The Candleberry Flu - A chocolate doughnut filled inside with ganache plus a dripping candle on top that's dripping liquid sediments Brick of Yum - A glazed doughnut sandwiching American cheese, with red pepper jelly inside The Confusatron - A doughnut sliced into three layers - vanilla, coconut, and chocolate, dipped in chocolate ganache and topped with sugar pearls that look like circuit boards The Purple Stuff - Chocolate, oreo, and purple stuff sprinkled with powdered sugar

Curie, the second-largest model

Heckleberry - A strawberry donut smothered with blueberry syrup and crushed vegan Crunchies Donut of Doom - Rainbow donut filled with Frosted Flakes, black sprinkles, and sour candy The Alligator Rising - A spiral donut, frosted with chocolate and filled with a filling of chocolate hard-boiled egg and green apple slices Hell Raisin - A jelly donut with a filling of peanut butter and hot dogs Dark Crystal - A donut filled with candy corn and white chocolate chips I ♥ My Gay Ex - A rainbow Jell-O donut with white frosting, red sugar sprinkles, and pink glitter Fish N' Chips – Topped with chocolate and tangy tempura-flavoured icing

Babbage, the second-smallest model

Mr Crepe - Topped with tapioca pudding, green sprinkles Little Red Apples - Topped with pumpkin bread crumbs and small red apples Chalkista - Stationary donut with chalk dusting Horns - Cupcake gripped in both of the animal’s horns Julius Rooms - A pair of bottomless donuts Doughnut Forest - A profusion of donuts spread throughout the French Quarter Flintlock fennec - bacon, fried okra, and burnt thermochromic alcohol Baffle - cocoa powder, giraffes, and vanilla wafers

Ada, the smallest and definitely weirdest model

Bath Roll - Three donuts melted hot on one side Friar Flats - Topped with tomatoes, honey, red paint and ceramic chili caps Ponder Owls - magical, yellow-feathered donuts covered in icing with puffiness and shine By Soul - filled with firecrackers, black bean dip, red pepper syrup, and watermelon Coconut Fun - Sulphure hasn’t been wiped off, a demon cake filled with coconut cream and pistachios Blood Donut - Creamy moist donut topped with spoonfuls of delicious blood Goofy Trick - the elephant, is a clown and it's all about tossing treats into his skull Spankin’ - Other-colored donut with a frying pan in the middle

Bonus content: More of Ada's weird donuts (plus some donuts made of antimatter??)

Also you can buy the donuts on a tea towel! Along with pies, cookies, and breakfast cereals.

[ssatoritendou]

Love Affair at the Museum

Pairing: gojo/reader

Gojo Saturo

Word count: 2k

+ summary: You are Megumi's babysitter for when Gojo goes out to work. Gojo and you are secretly dating behind the little boys back while going to the museum one day Megumi thwarts Gojo's advances towards you because of Megumi's little crush on you.

Genre: fluff, humor

Warning: N/A

“I’ll be back around 10 p.m. Gumi you be good for ___ like we promised. You be good then we go to the museum tomorrow.”

He gave Gojo a blank stare then responded, “Nanami is coming too?”

“Yes, he said he would. I will tell him again.” He patted his head.

“Don’t worry Mr. Gojo Megumi is always good. Plus I brought a puzzle for us to do.” You told him lifting the puzzle box lid showing the movie Aliens.

You watched as his little blue eyes lit up. He got up from the table he was coloring at and went to push Gojo out of the apartment.

“Someone really likes puzzles.” Gojo chuckled. “Also ___ don’t call me Mr. Gojo we are the same age. If there is an emergency you have my number.” He winked at you.

“Gojo stop hitting on ___ and go already.”

“Alright kiddo I’m going I’m going. Be back soon.”

Megumi slammed the door shut and locked it.

“He’s gone. Can we watch the movie and can you please make ice cream sundaes again?”

You smiled down at him. “You pop the movie in the DVD player and I will prepare the ice cream.”

You scooped the ice cream into small bowls and added Megumi’s favorite toppings which were Oreo cookie crumbles and gummy worms.

You spoiled Megumi. He was a good kid and he was definitely not a wild child.

There were a few things he did like was violence, horror, and ice cream that looked like dirt with worms.

You came over to the den placing the bowls on the coffee table. You sat down at the table across from Megumi.

Seeing paper, crayons, and markers spread across the table. Mixed with a few drawings.

You noticed a picture of black and white dogs. Frogs with wings. Then the ever disturbing photo of Gojo with his unnaturally crystal blue eyes.

“Hey, that is a great portrait of your Uncle.”

“Gojo isn’t my Uncle ___. How many times do I have to tell you? No wonder your mom says you are failing English your comprehension skills are not that great.”

‘The attitude on this kid. Insulting his elders like that. Eavesdropping on a conversation.’

“Gumi it’s disrespectful to say that to your elders. You and I both know this is not the first time you have been caught eavesdropping on other people's conversations. All these attributes you develop from Gojo. You even style your hair like you Uncle.”

He stood up and shuffled his hair around looking at a picture of Gojo and his friends on the wall seeing the resemblance of the hairstyles.

“Hey, guys I got off work early…” Gojo had gotten home to see you and Megumi sitting on the couch watching as Newt was floating in the water waiting for Ripley and Hicks to save her.

“What are you guys watching?”

“Aliens,” Megumi stated shoving some pretzel mix into his mouth.

“Aren’t you seven? Doesn’t this scare little Gumi?”

“I’m not little. I’m almost taller than the kids in my class and Panda.”

Gojo smacked the back of his head at the mention of Panda.

“Kid it’s time for bed.”

“Oh come on Satoru it’s a Friday night the movie is almost over. Just sit down.” You patted the couch.

As the end credits were filling up the screen.

“Can we color?” Megumi asked not wanting to go to bed.

“Megumi it is bedtime. You need your eight hours so you can enjoy the museum tomorrow.” You told him.

“Can you put him to bed? I’ll give you tip.” Gojo flashed his flirtatious smile.

“Anything for my little Megumi.” You pinched Megumi’s cheek.

Megumi jumped onto his bed picking up a quarter and scratching the little square off his movie poster box that read Aliens.

“Next time you watch me can we watch the Dark Knight?”

“Sure. You want the night light on?”

He got a little embarrassed, shoving the blankets over his face. You flipped his wall socket blue light. You went to close the door.

“Oh, Megumi there’s one thing more thing I had to mention..”

“What is it?” He asked.

“I love you goodnight.” You closed the door and went to the front hall.

“The kid asleep?” Gojo asked starring at his phone.

“Yeah out like a light.”

“Great.” He smiled getting up from the couch kissing your cheeks. You giggled at his over affection.

“Hey, how come you never told me that Megumi was not your nephew?”

“I didn’t think I had too I just thought you knew he wasn’t related to me. I thought it was pretty obvious. Wait you thought this whole time that..” The man started laughing his ass off at the thought of Megumi being his actual nephew. “We are dating and you thought I was an uncle. Megumi and I don’t even look alike.”

“Not true you guys style your hair the same way. Gumi must look up to you a little bit.”

He continued laughing handing the cash over. “Here is the money for tonight.”

“Thanks, Gojo and I can babysit anytime Megumi is the best kid.”

“Too you. He can be a brat sometimes. Speaking of which he is going to upset tomorrow.”

“Huh? Why?” You asked putting your items in your backpack and putting the dishes in the sink.

“Nanami can’t come to the museum with us. He has to work tomorrow. He felt bad about not being able to come for Megumi but he is happy he doesn’t have to hang out with me.”

“I can come with you guys.” You stated.

“I don’t know you are a pretty expensive babysitter/ date and I promised Megumi museum food and two gift shop toys.”

“One I will do it free of charge. Two museum food is bad. I will make lunches and I need to get out of the house tomorrow my mom is going to be mad.”

“English?” Gojo asked.

“It is not an easy class.” You argued.

He chuckled again.

“What time do you want me here tomorrow? I’ll pay for my train ticket and museum pass.”

“I’m paying for that stuff. Just make some lunches and be here at 9:30.”

“Who are you making lunch for this morning?” Your mother asked. “You aren’t going out with your friends this weekend missy until you get your English grade up.” She swatted your head with a spoon.

You rubbed the top of your head. “Ma I’m going to the museum with Satoru and Megumi.”

“A date certainly not.”

Your face turned beet red at the comment your mother made about you going on a date with Satoru. “Mom it is not a date. Satoru told me that one of his friends couldn’t come and it would crush Megumi. Look at him mom, I couldn’t let the kid get his heart crushed.” You show a picture of Megumi that was on your phone.

“That Satoru is very irresponsible. Getting a girl pregnant at a young age and now a single dad.”

“Mom I have told you a million times that he isn’t his dad. He is his guardian. Megumi’s father and mother passed away and his stepmother too. Gojo told him that he would take care of him.”

“What kind of grown man lets a teenager take care of his child?”

“According to Gojo, their families have a special connection something about them working with the same organization or company.” Her eyes went wide, she gasped to ready to yell about you hanging out with a gangster. “Mom they are not in the mafia or were in the mafia. Satoru does not have any tattoos. And I don’t like gossiping about this. I’m going to finish making our lunches and then I’m going to go up to their apartment and leave.”

She hummed. “Be home before 4 o’clock.”

“Ok, mom.” You kissed the side of her face and wrapped up the little boxed lunches.

“So Gumi what are you most excited to see at the museum?” You asked holding his hand walking inside the building.

“The dinosaur exhibit.” He said confidently.

“Me too buddy,” Gojo said.

“I personally am excited about the sea life exhibit. I wonder if you got on Gojo’s shoulders if you can touch the whale's nose.” You said.

“Let’s test that theory.” Gojo picked up Megumi and put him effortlessly on his shoulders. “Hold the hair Buddy up there.” Gojo held your hand going into the museum.

Megumi felt a tinge of jealousy go through him. He tugged at Gojo’s white locks.

“Hey kid easy with the grip. I’m going to get our tickets can you put our jackets in the check.” Gojo gave you his and Megumi’s jackets. You nodded and went left as he went right for the tickets.

The first exhibit was the dinosaurs, Megumi asked to get down from Gojo’s shoulders and went to running around the museum as the pair of you watch him.

But it was like the kid had a sixth sense as soon as Gojo got an inch of you. Whether it was holding your hand or putting his arm around your shoulders, Megumi was dragging you away to look at the dinosaurs.

Even when you finished those exhibits and went to a little galaxy film he sat in between the two of you.

As soon as you got to the sea life exhibit Megumi went back up on Satoru’s shoulders.

He told Gojo to go straight for the whale. He reached for the whale with his small hands. You were a few feet behind them taking a picture of them.

Megumi tugged at Gojo’s hair while they were alone.

“What is it kiddo?”

“Do you like ___?” He asked nervously.

“Sure I do Buddy. I have to make sure you are being taken care of by someone I like and trust when I’m out.”

“I mean do you like-like her?”

Gojo sighed pulling him down. “Something tells me with your sneaking around and always lurking in the doorways you already know that answer. Which is a good thing for a sorcerer to know but for a kid is troublesome. Sorcerers and teachers keep coming to me about it.”

Megumi puffed his cheeks out and huffed. “You taught me to do that.”

“Ok ok, we can talk about this another day. But yes I like her. I am scared though.”

“You get scared?”

“Yeah of course I get scared. I’m scared now because she is normal. She is lucky to not live as we do. I’m also afraid of what my parents will think of her even if I think they are shit people. You will understand that when you are older. However, I know I can handle it as life goes on.” Gojo told him. “Do you have a crush on ___?”

“NO!” Megumi shouted.

Gojo wrapped his hands around Megumi’s face. Parents around the museum starred him down. “Not trying to kidnap just trying to stop a tantrum.” Gojo laughed.

You walked over to them. “Gumi is this gnome bothering you?”

He nodded his head yes.

“Remember what I taught you to do when Gojo covers your mouth.”

Megumi thought for a minute and then a light bulb went over his head. He licked the palm of Saturo’s hand.

“Of course you taught him that.” He said pulling his hand away. “Come on let us go to the cafe and eat the little boxed lunches ___ made for us.” Gojo came back up and kissed your cheek. Walking towards the door to the courtyard.

You were a little shocked and you stuttered some syllables following after him and Megumi.

“Don’t worry cutie he already knows. He has been eavesdropping and watching.”

“Some of that content was not safe for children.” You smushed your face into your hands.

“As soon as you started kissing Gojo I closed my door and started playing with my dogs.”

“What dogs?” You asked.

Gojo smacked his head again. “Gumi we will cross that bridge when we get there.” He growled.

“Sorry. I have secret dogs.” He made a puppet with his hands in the sunlight.

“Aw shadow puppet dogs. Those are cute.”

Gojo gave Megumi a warning look so he wouldn’t say the keyword. He stuck his tongue out.

“Alright, let's eat boys, and then I have to go home.”

Gojo smiled at you and sat down across from you and Megumi. He finally had a little family again. He hoped it wouldn’t get ruined by him or his life.

[ratsoh-writes]

Happy Valentine’s Day y’all! Here’s all the boys favorite chocolates ;)

Sans: he likes white recess peanut butter cups. They’re like normal peanut butter cups but better

Papyrus: he’s not normally a sweets guy but papyrus would definitely appreciate something homemade. Or one of those chocolates with the cherries in the middle

Star: literally anything but classic heresy kisses are always good

Honey: he knows how to make some seriously good chocolates himself. He even has the molds for fancy shapes. Honey likes plain milk with sea salt

Red: both the fell brothers are chocoholics. Red loves anything kinder. The sweeter the better

Edge: he adores dark chocolate. Add some minty or orange undertones and you’ll get to see his pleased blush as he eats

Mal: Kit Kat’s. He likes the crunch and the simplicity. Mal will take personal offense from anyone who bites thier Kit Kat’s from the middle

Cash: he’s like 0% sweet tooth, but cash can appreciate a dark chocolate bar with chili. But only the mouth burning stuff. If there’s no kick he won’t be interested

Oak: literally all of it, but the bigger the better. Toblerones are a good choice

Willow: harder chocolates can hurt his teeth sometimes but willow does like chocolate pastries.

Charm: funny enough, chocolate cake is his least favorite type of chocolate. His favorite form of it is in ice cream or pudding

Sugar: chocolate cake. Specifically the ones that charm makes

Lord: he’s not too much of a sweet tooth either but lord does appreciate chocolate covered strawberries. It’s just the right amount of fruit and sweet

Mutt: he’ll eat trail mix that is like 80% M&Ms when he’s feels the cravings hit

Wine: his taste for fancy things does not extend to his taste in food. Wine loves tootsie rolls.

Coffee: his favorite food is ice cream, so naturally coffee’s favorite form of chocolate is chocolate ice cream. Paired with a coffee flavored scoop of course

Pop: he just really loves snickers bars. Chewy and filling! Plus they’re easy to hide in places.

Rythm: he likes mint patties a ton. Rythm loved tha chocolate paired with the mint together, plus it has a nice aftertaste

Pluto: chocolate pocky! Or any sort of chocolate cracker. Pocky has a good shape though

Jupiter: he also likes those massive toberlone sticks. It’s like a chocolate bar and a weapon all in one!

Peaches: chocolate pudding pie with Oreos and bananas and walnuts. Yeaaaasssssssss

Rancher: he secretly really loves chocolate milk. He makes it when he’s tired

G: literally anything that isn’t cash’s death bars. G can’t handle spice lol. He prefers milk and white over dark chocolate

Green: he likes chocolate covered almonds. Green actually just likes the almonds mostly.

Snipe: same as sans except he prefers the milk chocolate peanut butter cups. When the Christmas tree versions come out, snipe will buy them in bulk

Bruiser: also anything that isn’t cash’s death bars. In fact, if it’s not a name brand, bruiser won’t touch the chocolate bar. He’s been pranked too many times

Ace: he like chocolate buttons. Especially the cute pastel colored ones

Slim: he’s not an amazing cook like basil or honey, but slim can make yummy if a bit wonky looking chocolates. He likes milk with a little hint of honey

Butch: his favorite chocolate thing is specifically and only thin mint Girl Scout cookies. There’s one seriously brave 11 year old that will hook him up with the good stuff every year. Butch is her best customer

Boss: he’s also a big time dark chocolate lover. Boss loves the coffee cream ones. He’s also the only mafia brother who’s allowed to snag some of butchs thin mints

Rust: he is but a simple man. Twix. He loves Twix

Noir: being best friends with coffee means that you must also become an ice cream addict. So noir also loves chocolate ice cream. But only the dark stuff

Lilac: basil is the best chocolate maker besides charm of course. So lilac is super spoilt. He’s gotten a taste for all kinds of fancy truffles with fruity creams.

Basil: he likes them fruity. His favorite is milk with either orange or raspberry cream

[stillmadaboutpetra]

okay so Yenralt hitman au (featuring specifically Tired(tm) Ciri)

@neverfoolsparsley

So Yen and Geralt were both individually hitmen prior to knowing each other

yes they absolutely met when hired to kill each other

yes they absolutely Boned It Out

did it end with Yen in $500 lingerie holding a gun to geralt’s head while he made eyecontact with her eye while eating her out with dedicated enthusiasm? yes.

its an unconfirmed rumor

the hacker Dandelion started it on a conspiracy thread

they don’t kill each other. They both play it off like the other went ghost

mutually drop off the grid in mild disgrace for a few years/shift around contractors//yen gets blacklisted

it is so not Fetch

Geralt, who has always been an Odd One, continues to vibe and maybe vaguely follow the rumors of The Raven (yen gets a codename okay.)

they do this song and dance for like. A Hot Minute. Until Geralt’s hitting fifty and

one night after they make love fuck he says: “Yen, m’getting tired.” She knows what he means. Her hands are getting heavy.

“I’ve got a contract. a big one. enough to retire on.” He doesnt say anything else, just lets it linger in the impossible dark of the next sleepless city they’re pretending to sleep in.

She says it to the dark: “I didn’t think people like us retired.”

“We dont.” He brushes her hair from her back, finds the scars of schrapnel that snake down her spine from an explosion. She’s started holding her shoulder a little funny the past few years. It’s okay. His arm locks up these days. He likes his silent blades. She likes the distance of a bullet. The smokescreen of a scope.

“We can disappear.”

dun dun dun - except the contract is a shitshow and they wind up with a kid.

“there was a kid,” Geralt says on the phone. she holds her breath. “There is a kid,” he ammends, looking at the shockwhite of the child next to him.

“So we got a kid now,” Yen says, and then it’s that and coordinates and fake papers and

Ciri was young. It’s a halfdream in her head. The blood. The death. Her Dad, bigger than the doorway, white and rough and picking her up -- her dress so heavy with something she can’t, won’t name. Close your eyes, he’d told her.

Felt like when she opened them again, she was in an island town, with a woman whose hair looked like an inkpot spilled over.

Ciri’s eleven where she opens the linen closet, trying to sneak a clean pair of sheets. She wet the bed. She tells herself it’s the worst thing that ever happened to her.

There’s a gun hidden between crisp stacks of pillowcases. It’s heavier than it looks.

Rolland at school says his daddy keeps a gun in a safe by the bed. It’s not that odd.

Mom can kill flies with a rubberband shot from across the room. She thinks that’s a kind of magic trick.

Yen teaches Ciri to drive automatic and stick when she’s thirteen.

“You’ll ace the exams now,” she says with a wink.

Dad handles the motorcycles.

“When you’re older, we’ll work on the pilots liscence.”

Other kids get knives for their birthdays, right??????

“A bow and arrow! Cool!” She likes to rp as an elf in her video game.

They learn self-defense breakaways from a strangerdanger / army recruiter in gym class.

Mom complains to the school about indoctrination

Geralt shows her how to flip someone over her shoulder.

The first time she meets her Uncle Jask, the man’s crawling through her kitchen window.

she screams. all she wanted was some midnight milk and cookies

dad dislocates Uncle Jask’s shoulder when he tackles the man

Mom smiles when she’s “makes it better” and Uncle Jask cries a little

but he collects all the cream filling from his oreos and rolls it into a ball and then eats it like an apple, which seems like a crime against god

“You gotta learn to live a little, Ciri.”

Mom and dad sense her to bed after her snack. She listens through the air vent.

Uncle Jask says: “You guys gotta move. Brotherhood has a line on Yen.”

When she’s sixteen and spent the last year taking online classes, she finally sits down with her mom.

“So, are you and dad secret agents?”

The way her mother laughs that day.

She’s 19 and trying to surprise her parents home from college. Drove eight hours straight. It’s dark now. She wants to sneak in and surprise them with breakfast in the morning.

 and there’s a dead body - or a mostly dead body - a half-alive person tied up in the kitchen.

mom and dad look pissed.

the kitchen tables cut in half. Oh. no wonder dad’s pissed. he built that himself.

Mom lowers the gun when Ciri steps in the light.

“fuck,” dad says.

“Swear jar,” ciri manages to say.

[lacuna-lunax]

06/07/24

Wellwellwell who is FUCKING THEIR LIFE UP???

Sat – 4 Fizz

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa White Chocolate Cookie

Monster Energy Ultra

Richmond Vegan & Vegetarian Roast Chicken Style Slices

220 Yoghurt

Fulfil Peanut Butter Chocolate Flavour Vitamin & Protein Bar

Terry's Chocolate Orange Minis

Sun – 10 Fizz

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Oreo White

Monster Energy Ultra Zero Sugar

Richmond Vegan & Vegetarian Honey Roast Ham Style Slices

220 Yoghurt

FULFIL Chocolate Salted Caramel Vitamin & Protein Bar

Galaxy Minstrels Milk Chocolate Buttons

Mon

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Salted Caramel

Monster Energy Ultra Rosa

Quorn Sweet Chilli Mini Fillets

220 Yoghurt

McVitie's Galaxy Chocolate Cake Bar

Aero Peppermint Milk Chocolate Bar

Smarties Buttons Milk Chocolate

Tue

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Relentless Raspberry Zero Sugar

Quorn Sweet Chilli Mini Fillets

Peach Passionfruit Yoghurt

McVitie's Galaxy Chocolate Cake Bar

NOMO Fruit & Crunch Chocolate Bar

Munchies Milk Chocolate Cookie Dough Ice Cream

Wed

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa White Chocolate Salted Peanut

Relentless Raspberry Zero Sugar

Quorn Sweet Chilli Mini Fillets

220 Yoghurt

McVitie's Galaxy Chocolate Cake Bar

Maxi Nutrition Filled Creamy Core Chocolate Coconut Protein Bar Dark

Milkybar Giant Buttons Raspberry Ripple

Thurs

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Fudged Up

Monster Energy Ultra Rosa

Quorn Sweet Chilli Mini Fillets

220 Yoghurt

McVitie's Galaxy Chocolate Cake Bar

Maxi Nutrition Filled Creamy Core Chocolate Cookie & Milk Protein Bar

Aero Melts Chocolate Neapolitan Ice Cream

Fri

Coffee

Grenade Carb Killa Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

Relentless Raspberry Zero Sugar

Quorn Sweet Chilli Mini Fillets

Peach Passionfruit Yoghurt

McVitie's Galaxy Chocolate Cake Bar

KitKat Chunky Milk Chocolate Bar

M&M’s Brownie

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

Also saw you're doing requests so yay!!. Any chance of jercy bakery au? Love your work sm hope you have a great day ☺☺

My Darling Anon how dare you make me fall more in love with Jercy???????? I squealed when i saw this and then promptly started writing even though i should be studying for my (ironically) Greek Mythology test.

i hope you love it because if i fail at least i know it’ll be worth it :) Also this was honestly supposed to be a quick drabble and it somehow ended up as 1,5K+ words so??? #isanyonesurprisedthough

Masterlist

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jason Grace smiled as the birds beside his head chirped and then swiped his phone to cut off the amusing sound. His fiery friend, and co-worker thought it was hilarious to steal his phone and change his alarm tone every few weeks. Usually it was something inane and silly like a cartoon laugh track or just a repeating “It’s time to get up BakerBoi” that gets increasingly louder. He had arrived to work with a scowl on his face only to see the shit-eating grin of Leo Valdez waiting at the door.

Now Jason stumbles out of bed, letting his limbs loosen as he pads softly to the bathroom, feeling cool tile and a winter breeze on his exposed skin. He loves mornings like this, when the world isn’t quite awake, and the sky hasn’t decided what colour it wants to be for the day. He knows in is baker’s bones that it’ll be cold and rainy, but he has time for a morning jog before the world starts crying.

“Good morning boss,” A bright eyed, fidgeting Leo greets as he steps into the bakery.

Jason had been there at seven thirty, pulling down the café chairs and cleaning the counters. He already had a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies and about three different types of muffins in the oven. The bread was waiting for the busy hands of Leo and Hazel who somehow always seemed to make heavenly fluffed, soft rolls and the deliciously crusty baguettes. Hazel jokes that it’s the New Orleans blood that flows through her veins. They’re all half inclined to agree.

“Morning Valdez, I like the alarm this week.” He tosses a grin over his shoulder before going back to his icing ritual. Mix, taste, mix, ice.

“I figured you would old man. Even though i much prefer my ASMR food audio from last week. What’s the specialty today?”

“We need to get beignets out and the pain au chocolats before the breakfast crowd. Also the fruit stuffed pastry twists and the honey bread have to be prepped before we open so we can bring them out hot in time for the brunch crowd. Specialty today is a new thing I’ve been working on. Blue blondie doughnuts with Oreo cream filling and sugar glaze.”

“Gods boss, you tryna give people heart failure?”

“Just trying to insert some sweetness into the world,” He winked.

Before Leo could give an undoubted snarky reply a bubbly head of dark brown curls and glittering eyes popped around the door.

“Goooood morning everyone,”

Jason couldn’t help the smile that graced his face at her cheeriness, “Hello Miss Levesque, glad to see a prettier face around here,”

Leo made a strangled noise of indignation from the other side of the kitchen but didn’t get the chance to voice his offense before the last member of their little group walked in.

“Ah there you are Miss McLean, I do wonder how you arrive with Hazel and still manage to get in after her.”

She gave him an exasperated look, “I have to say goodbye to my girlfriend before I come in Boss. You’re the one who banned couple calls in the bakery.”

“Well maybe if we didn’t have to hear you and Annabeth explicitly planning your night’s activities I wouldn’t have had to do that.”

Piper just rolled her eyes and went to grab her apron and a cloth to wipe down the tables.

"Everyone ready?" He asked, from the door of the kitchen an hour later.

"Ready for the storm boss," They all yelled back, as they did each morning.

"Then let's roll like thunder," He grinned, flinging the doors to Ambrosia Bakery open.

"Oh thank the heavens, I could smell the goodness from here and it was a struggle to keep the drool in," One Reyna Avila Ramirez Arellano breathed in deep.

"Good morning my favourite customer," Leo smirked from behind the counter.

"Jason tell your bread boy to stand down before I make him,"

"Is that an invitation?" Dark eyebrows wiggled in amusement.

"That is a threat," She growled.

"Well mark me down as scared and h—"

"Valdez I swear if you finish that sentence I'm putting you on wash-up duty for the next week."

A faint "you got it boss" followed Jason into the kitchen, where he allowed himself to smile. It was an ongoing amusement that Leo flirted with Reyna and in return she came up with increasingly terrifying threats.

"Jason, your sister is here to see you" Hazel said, gently shoving him out the way so she could take over rolling the pastry.

"Get the doughnuts ready for the fryer I'll be back soon, thank you!"

He maneuvered around a blushing Leo who had icing on his nose and a suspicious lipstick stain on his cheek, finally making his way to the confectioners stand.

"What's up loser?" He said by way of greeting.

"Hey you're only allowed to call me that if you come baring nice things." Thalia Grace frowned.

"I am nice things," He pouted.

"Not even on your best day." She snorted, "I want to know if you're coming to the gala this weekend. I need a date to steal extra bread-sticks for me."

"Why can't I just make you bread-sticks and we can sit in your lounge and watch bad reality TV?" He groaned

"Because I have to show face or the sponsors aren't going to sponsor. Besides you need a night out. You're gonna start smelling like bread if you don't take a break."

"It's insulting that you think I wouldn't want to smell like breadsticks."

She laughed at, that ruffling his hair, "Just be ready by seven. You better be wearing a suit."

And with that his sister had grabbed her daily croissant and cappuccino and vanished into the drizzling day.

Before he could make it back to his safe haven beside the ovens and marbled counter-tops a flash of black hair caught his eye.

Turning around he couldn't contain the grin that tugged at his lips; standing by the counter already staring intently at the newest creation was Jason's favourite customer.

"Hello Percy Jackson,"

"Jason," A dazzling smile revealed pearl white teeth and the tiniest dimple on a cheek the color of rich toffee.

"I see you've already found Neptune's Tridoughnut,"

A bright laugh escaped a wickedly beautiful mouth, "Oh I love that. How'd you come up with that one?"

Jason smiled softly, debating whether to tell the owner of the 5-Oceans Conservation Company that he was the muse behind all of his latest creations, hence the variations of green and blue.

Instead, as he did every time Percy asked, he lied, "My sister went to an opening ceremony for a new exhibit at the Education center all about Mythology so I thought I’d offer my services and well, they were a hit."

Piper who was walking past at that exact moment coughed something that sounded suspiciously like "Liar" but with a pointed glare she disappeared behind the counter.

"That sounds great. Guess I'll have to recruit you for all my functions," He winked, a small smirk playing at his lips.

Jason cursed his pale cheeks and hoped the blush he now sported wasn't too noticeable, "What can I get you besides a specialty doughnut?"

"Can I get one banana and walnut muffin, a dozen chic chips, and I'm gonna go see mom this afternoon so maybe a couple of caramel pastry twists and some blueberry muffins?"

"Sure. I guess Estelle is off her carrot cake faze?" He laughed, remembering how Percy had to stop at the bakery twice a week to grab carrot and pecan mini cakes just for his little sister.

"Ugh she's onto wanting fruit in absolutely everything now so my mom has been frantically buying boxes of peaches, strawberries and apples to cut up and send with her for lunch at school." Green eyes rolled in fake annoyance.

"Well if she likes fruit things maybe she should try the raspberry and orange pastry twists?" He pointed to a display stand piled with various pastries coloured by blackberry jam, apricot pieces, kiwi slices and mango syrup.

"I could kiss you right now!" Percy exclaimed rushing towards the display, unaware that the baker was frozen to the spot.

I could kiss you, could kiss you, kiss you, kiss...

Jason's brain had short-circuited, his neurons too busy having a dance party with his hormones to process the world.

I could kiss you.

A lazy, unconscious smile took over his face as he stood there in the middle of his bakery, arms slack, head lolled, and eyes crinkled.

"Jason?" A faraway voice called.

"Jason? Hello?"

And suddenly a hand was waving in front of his vision trying to get his attention.

He pulled himself out of his reverie, blinking back into existence, "Right yes the pastries"

"Didn’t get enough sleep last night?" Percy teased, slugging him softly in the shoulder.

He snorted at the implication, "Unfortunately I'm a bit of a grandfather. Sleep early, rise early."

"Oh guess you like morning activities then,"

He sputtered, head snapping up to stare into twinkling eyes, "N-no, I just meant—"

"I'm kidding Mr BakerMan," That brilliant, bright laugh again, "I know you're a homebody. Your sister likes to tell me how boring you are."

He huffed at that, "We'll see if she gets her pear tarts this weekend."

"Speaking of this weekend," A sly grin played at Percy's mouth, "Are you coming to the gala?"

"Yea," He sighed, "Thalia says she needs me to steal bread-sticks ."

Sea green eyes widened before Percy burst out laughing. In a matter of moments tears were streaming down his face.

If Jason wasn't so smitten with that gorgeous smile and those mischievous eyes he may have been inclined to laugh too. But Percy Jackson was a vision he half believed only his dreams could conjure.

When the laughter had mostly seized Percy wiped his eyes and managed to gasp, "That sounds exactly like something Thalia would ask. When we worked on the marine life project together she always stole the mints from every CEO’s office because she said they had enough money to buy a mint factory, they could afford to replace a single bowl."

"Yep, her life goal is to end capitalism. I swear if it wasn't for Annabeth, Thalia would be walking into office buildings with a sack like some reverse Santa Claus where she steals the office supplies and fruit bowls."

"Well I can't wait to see you stuffing your pockets with bread-sticks on Saturday so I guess I'll see you then," He gave another dazzling smile.

"Yea, and say hello to little Estelle for me. Tell me how she likes the pastries."

"Don't worry I'm sure I'll be back soon with a long list of request."

"Can't wait." He grinned.

Percy chuckled, "Me neither, see you Friday." And then he was gone.

Oh gods, Jason thought, how am I ever gonna survive Percy in a suit?

***

Spoiler alert past-Jason: you didn't.

[lets-read3]

7-11

Hi. So I made a Solar Opposites fanfic. I like how it turned out and am very proud. I had written one before this one but it felt too serious so I redid it. I feel good for contributing so HERE YOU GO I MIGHT POST ON AO3 I’ll post the Ao3 version as well if I do.

(Summary: Ansel fucking Elgort. Not even google thinks your name is spelled right! Damn now I get why Korvo sent him to the hell dimension... Oh, do you wanna know too? Read my fanfic! ... I try to be witty I do.)

A month. They've been on Earth for one fucking month. Korvo hated it. He hated it with a passion. From their stupid monthly calendar to their denial of alien Jesus but this. Oh, this made Korvo angrier. 

Terry was on the couch crying his eyes out. Buckets of Baskin Robbins and Cold Stone ice cream were scattered all around the floor. Cookie Dough, Neapolitan, Rocky Road, Rainbow Sherbet, if it's a flavor; it's there. 

Korvo could hear the sobs all the way from the ship. It wasn't a surprise to hear Terry scream or shout at one human thing or another, but these were cries that the next galaxy over could hear. Korvo begrudgingly got up from his work and lovely manuals to check on the melodramatic alien. 

Korvo came upon a scene that, if it was someone else, he would have laughed at how ridicules they looked. But this was Terry. He always looked ridiculous which made him less funny and more stupidly annoying. Jesse was doing her best to comfort Terry while Yumyulack stared on at the TV. The Kardashians. Another reason he hated Earth.

"Korvo! Terry won't stop crying and I kinda know what he's saying? But not really!"

"He said something about darkness and light-"

"HE WAS MY LIGHT!" Terry's cries cut Yumyulack off, which resulted in an eye roll from the young replicant. Korvo made his way to the other side of Terry. He might not be very emotionally smart but he knows how to give orders dammit.

"Terry! Stop crying and explain why you need to be this obnoxiously loud!" Terry sniffled and looked at Korvo with sadness. 

"He left me!"

"Who left you?"

"MY HUSBAND!" Terry was back to crying his eyes out, yanking a rainbow sherbet off the ground and shoveling it in his mouth. It was a gross sight really.

"Wait, Terry, you got married? And I wasn't a flower girl!?" Jesse looked thoroughly insulted. Terry gave her a guilty look filled with tears.

"Sorry Jess, but it was in such a quick burst of passion, we couldn't wait to tie the knot forever... FOREVER!" And he was back to crying. Korvo was silent through this. But taking a closer look into his planty insides, there was a storm of emotions in his head. 

'Did he say... HUSBAND!? What the fuck Terry! Only you would be so stupid to get a Vegas wedding! God dammit, and what about me HUH? AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!?' Korvo was close to voicing these thoughts but then he really looked at Terry. His eyes were blotchy and red, his lip trembled and he would hiccup every time he sucked in a breath. Most, if not all, of the pints of ice cream, were empty or very close to being empty. He had been sitting here for some time now, in his sad little huddle.

This bitch hurt Terry. His Terry.

Korvo grabbed Terry by the shoulders and stared him down.

"Who hurt you?" He said more like a demand. Terry looked back with shocked eyes at how determined and slightly intimidating Korvo looked. It was kinda hot, but Terry couldn't think that way in his cloud of misery.

"We met at the movie festival that was in town last week. His name is Ansel Elgort and a day after we meet we got married behind a 7-11 in a fit of passion. God what a hot slice of ass; and he was nice. Then yesterday, after we made passionate love, he said we couldn't be together anymore because he was going to be in a movie that would make him a household name and he couldn't be with me because I wasn't famous enough. I could be famous! But he had already filled out the divorce papers and left me." Terry's eyes started to fill with tears again but he was determined not to let them flow out just yet. Korvo released Terry and walked over to the front door.

"Korvo where're you going?" Jesse called out.

"I'm gonna go to 7 fucking 11."

-

Korvo had not so nicely threatened the 7-11 employee to tell him where Ansel Elgort was. It's fine though, he left a 20 dollar bill in the tip jar. It balanced out. He was on a mission to find a baby bitch, there was no room for niceties. Korvo made his way to the airport where Ansel was supposed to get on a plane to LA. 

Korvo wasn't going to let that Fault In Our Stars moutherfucker get away. No. Fucking. Way.  

Korvo looked over the sea of people until he spotted the Andrew Garfield wannabe. Korvo muscled his way through the crowd and came face to face with Ansel. 

"Can I help-" 

"You know Terry?" Ansel looked shocked, then very nervous.

"I-I don't-" A big man with sunglasses came up next to Ansel. 

"Is this guy bothering you Mr. Elgort?" Korvo looked at the shielded man then smirked.

"Nope, we were just leaving." Suddenly the bodyguard was shrunk to the size of a pea. Korvo grabbed Ansel and hoisted him over his shoulder.

"The fuck man!?"

"Your trip's canceled billionaire boy!"

-

Terry was shuffling through the kitchen looking for more Oreos when he heard a scuffle in the back yard.

"Wait man-!"

"Shut up- Terry! Get out here!" Terry raced outside and couldn't believe what he was looking at. A bright blue orb has open next to Korvo and a disheveled looking Ansel Elgort. 

"Korvo what-!"

"Ansel has something he'd like to tell you," Korvo pressed the shrink ray closer to Ansel's temple. "Right Ansel?" 

"Y-yeah! I'm sorry I dumped you Terry but I want to chase my dreams as a successful actor... Also, I've been seeing my girlfriend again so I didn't really need you anymore."

"We were married!"

"Not really! I was super drunk and I just told some homeless guy to officiate our marriage." Terry's eyes were painted in hurt but he couldn't help the longing to hold Ansel; he was his first human love after all. But before he could go for him Korvo lifted Ansel off the ground and threw him into the swirling blue hole. Terry shrieked and went towards the hole but it was gone in a flash.

"Korvo where did you throw him!?" 

"The hell dimension."

"Why!?"

"Because I couldn't have you mopping around the house like that, it kills morale. You're of no help to the group if you're too depressed to do anything other than cry." Korvo grabbed Terry by the shoulders again that day and fixed him a determined stare. "Now that he's gone I want you to focus on yourself right now, You don't deserve someone who's going to leave you for a paycheck and he was using you to get over his girlfriend; you're more than just a rebound Terry. From now on I want you to think before getting into a serious relationship with a human, some of them aren't as nice as you think. White supremacists still exist remember? If you're just chasing ass don't fucking marry it okay? Are you list-" Korvo was cut off, being held in a warm embrace. Korvo wasn't used to being hugged.

"Okay, Korvo. I'll hit it and quit it from now on." Terry said, his voice muffled in Korvo's chest. Korvo patted Terry gently on the back. Ya know those types of hugs. The kinda hug you don't return because you're afraid of social interactions and love. But that's for another story. For now, Korvo just enjoyed the warmth. Terry broke away and looked at where the orb once was.

"So he's really gone? I can't even call him?"

"Terry."

"What? The wound is still fresh and I miss him!" Korvo rolled his eyes and made his way inside.

"Whatever. I'm gonna go work on the ship so don't wait up."

"You better not take all night, I'm still fragile! I need a cuddle buddy for at least the next two weeks!"

Cuddle buddy huh?

Maybe Ansel Elgort wasn't so bad. 

(A/N: I DID IT! Omg it’s 3am but I LOVE HOW THIS CAME OUT! Short and sweet. I was gonna do something longer but I kept getting frustrated so I made this. Can you tell I googled stuff about Ansel Elgort??? Anyways thanks for reading, much love!)