#the comfort of finally being in my own space
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runninriot · 3 days ago
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The End Of Maybe
written for the @steddiebingo card prompt: proposal & @steddielovemonth day 1
rated: T | wc: 1.223 | tags: established relationship, emotional hurt/comfort, self-doubt, declarations of love, marriage proposal | also on ao3
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   “Do you ever regret it?” Eddie asks quietly, eyes locked on the ceiling while his fingers are tracing invisible patterns on the skin of Steve’s back.
   “Regret what?”
Steve’s head is resting on Eddie’s chest, basking in the comfort of their shared body heat, still on his come down from an overdose of love-infused ecstasy. Enjoying his boyfriend’s closeness while his mind is happily drifting. Was drifting, until now. Now he’s alert, can sense the shift in Eddie’s mood, the gloomy aura suddenly surrounding him.
Eddie still hasn’t turned his gaze away from where it is fixed on nothing but white paint, stays unmoving even when Steve lifts his head to look at him.
   “Baby? Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
For how talkative Eddie usually is, Steve has long since learned that his boyfriend can be eerily quiet when something is eating away at him. When he’s trying to come up with solutions on his own instead of sharing the burden. Over time, they’ve found a way to meet in the middle – with Steve giving Eddie the space and time he needs to sort through his thoughts and Eddie keeping his promise not to shut Steve out, to share what’s gnawing at him eventually.
   “I mean,” Eddie starts, finally looking down to find Steve’s eyes, shifting so that they’re lying side by side, face to face. Still close despite the emotional distance Steve can feel like a physical wall between them.
   “Do you sometimes regret choosing this over- something else?”
He’s being vague on purpose, not even trying to elaborate what he means and Steve knows why, understands what he’s saying either way. They had this conversation before, once, and ended up in a big fight, maybe their biggest one yet. Because at the time, it had felt like Eddie was trying to push him away, trying to talk him into something he didn’t want out of unfounded fear of Steve changing his mind one day. Having a hard time believing that he chose this life, not despite but because of what it would mean for his future.
For Steve, this has never been temporary; he’s always been all in. Wants to spend the rest of his days with Eddie, through the good and the bad and everything.
   “Never,” Steve finally says, keeping his voice soft but making sure the message is clear, “I want this and nothing else. I love our life with everything we have. I love you. You know that, right?”
Without waiting for an answer, Steve leans in for a kiss, a firm press of lips to emphasise his words.
He knows it’s just a little bump in the road, just Eddie being in his head – it happens every now and then, it’s okay, nothing to really worry about. But still, Steve hates to see Eddie sad.
   “I know you do, I just- I don’t know.”
Eddie sighs, buys himself time by stealing another tender kiss from his boyfriend, and Steve lets him get away with it.
   “Where’s this coming from, baby? Did I do or say something that made you think I’ve changed my mind?”
   “No! No, you did nothing, I- I guess I’m just scared.”
With one hand, Steve cups the side of Eddie’s face, thumb gently stroking over his cheekbone, not saying anything but patiently waiting for him to go on.
   “I know you love me, that’s not what I’m worried about. I just sometimes wonder if it’s truly worth giving up so many of your dreams for this. For me.”
Steve knows what Eddie is referring to, even without him having to spell it out. It is true, there had been a time where Steve’s biggest dream was to have a wife and kids, a whole bunch of them, living a quiet small-town life with his picture-perfect family.
But that was before Eddie came along. Before he fell heart over head in love with a wonderful young man, with the prettiest smile and dark brown eyes that make him weak, still, after all those years. Sure, he’d be lying if he said he never asked himself that same question, wondering if being with Eddie was worth facing all the battles they had to fight. If loving Eddie was worth letting go of the future he’d always thought he wanted for himself.
But the answer is still the same as it has been for over 6 years now – yes. A thousand times yes. Because the truth is, he didn’t give up a dream, he created a new one. With Eddie at the centre of everything, he’s built a life that is better than anything he could’ve imagined.
Nothing compares to being loved by Eddie, and nothing could ever make this relationship any more perfect. Except maybe…
He shoots up so sudden it startles Eddie, who reluctantly obeys when Steve beckons him to sit.
   “What-”
Steve doesn’t give him a chance to finish his sentence, presses the tip of his finger against Eddie’s lips to shut him up – not to be rude; he just needs him to listen to what he has to say before he loses his courage.
   “You’re it for me, okay? You are everything I need to be happy and I- I want to grow old with you, want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are all I want, now and forever.”
Steve swallows roughly, has to take a few deep breaths, can already feel the burning of tears in his eyes.
Robin will lose her mind. Will probably also give him a lot of shit for doing it like this, here, in the isolated cocoon of their bedroom rather than making it the big, pompous surprise they always joked about in secret. When they talked about the hypothetical maybe of Steve proposing one day.
Truth is, Steve has been thinking about it a lot in the past, about asking Eddie to take this next big step with him. Not for the sake of making at least one of his younger self’s dreams a reality, but because he wants to be Eddie’s in every way possible. Is more than willing to give up a name that means nothing to him for one that means love and trust and family.
   “Eddie, baby, will you marry me?”
He waits for the words to sink in, anxiously watching Eddie go through all the stages of understanding what Steve is asking him.
   “Are you-” Realisation.
   “Do you really-” Disbelief.
   “You want to-” Reassurance.
   “Oh my God, yes! YES!” Eddie finally answers with a trembling voice and eyes full of tears.
They’re both shedding tears of joy now, arms wrapped around each other, kissing, and smiling and kissing some more until just kissing is no longer enough. When the need to be closer overcomes them and whispered declarations of love and devotion turn into something a lot more obscene. When their bodies demand to become one in heated passion, euphoric and wild and sweet.
And when they come undone for the second time this night, it feels different in a way, new. Because it’s their first time as soon-to-be husbands. Falling apart together, with all their love carved into a promise to mark the end of maybe and the beginning of forever – no after – just them ‘til the end.
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h-sleepingirl · 14 hours ago
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Dolly in the Art Gallery: A Charmed 2025 Scene Log/Recap
“Art is how we decorate space, and music is how we decorate time.”
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I first heard this Jean-Michel Basquiat quote in a rope class from Barkas, in the context of how we play within both space and time in a kink scene. I think about it frequently, especially as I feel more and more passionately about the brutally human impulse to create art.
I have been coming to hypnosis events since 2013, before Charmed existed -- my first event was packed with my own manic energy, held in a dungeon where people could hypnotize me basically at will. No hotel staff, no sneaking back to a private room. I developed a reputation as an aesthetically pleasing subject, often put on display in subtle and overt ways.
I have grown up in this community. Essentially my entire adult life has been spent involved in going to events and cons. I'm 33 now, and as Charmed celebrates its 10th year I've perhaps been unconsciously influenced to reflect on myself aging.
I feel so much older than that 21 year old exhibitionist. I'm more reserved, quieter, more selective, and certainly smarter. I like who I'm becoming, but I do miss parts of who I used to be -- that confidence, that energy. 
On Friday evening I looked at the schedule and saw there was going to be a Gallery of Living Art -- it's been a staple at Charmed for a number of years, but I'd never done more than peek inside.
I thought to myself: “Why not try to get in touch with that playful younger self? Why not show everyone who I am nowadays? Why not live out a fantasy?” 
Surely I’m not too old. Surely I haven’t grown out of this.
The time comes and I connect with my partner about it. He knows that one of my absolute favorite things is being totally frozen. We decide against anything complicated. No one will touch me or trigger me or anything like that. It’s the most “negotiating” we've maybe ever done, but I still leave all details to him. I tell him: “I was really just thinking this is an opportunity for me to sit blank and still for a long time.”
We walk into the room, and it’s overwhelming. People are setting up intricate exhibits with lots of creative interactions. There is a sheet we need to fill out to describe what our “art” is, which my partner writes on cryptically.
“Dolly can't talk. Duh…”
“Dolly is precious -- don't touch!”
Under “Artist”, where he is meant to put his name, he writes a question mark.
I am so in love with him, watching his mind work on the spot.
We find a place in the loud room and look at each other. We are a fluid force of nature in a bed together, spontaneous and wild. This planning doesn't feel like us. This hypnosis isn't a formality, per se, but it just feels sort of like “We both know how this is going to end on some level -- so how do we spend this time?”
He gingerly removes my name tag and starts murmuring to me. 
Being a dolly is such a luxurious treat that the moment he suggests it, I crumble, gripping his shirt with my weak little fingers, moaning too softly to be heard by anyone but him.
He poses me. He fixes my gaze blank and forward. He lets me practice standing and sitting. This kind of rehearsal is unfamiliar for us, and I almost relish doing something that feels a little awkward.
I am a dolly when he leaves me, frozen and posed, but I know it is going to take a couple minutes to settle in. I am a dolly getting comfortable, a dolly with twinges of self-consciousness. After a couple minutes he walks me over to a different chair, one that is highlighted by empty space around it, and I sit, and I know this is truly where I am supposed to be on display.
Finally, total stillness rushes over me like pure relief. 
I sit, and I stare, and I don’t do anything else. My mind is blank, and sometimes all there is inside my head is “I’m a dolly, I’m a dolly,” in my little dolly voice. It is pure, simple bliss.
People begin to come up to me to look at me. I am a good dolly and I am silent and I do not move even my eyes. They patiently read my sign and then observe me. I cannot change my body position to be any more or less appealing to them, I cannot hide nor flaunt myself.
Some people say things to me, little compliments and appreciations, and I can’t really process their words. The little dolly voice in my head screams in pleasure when I’m spoken to and given attention.
I have ADHD, I’m addicted to my phone, I’m a fidgeter. But there is nothing that carries the unique pleasure of being frozen and still. It reminds me of Quaker meetings, of spiritual silence and meditation that makes one feel time itself as though it has a sensory texture.
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel talks about the Jewish sabbath as proof that it is not intuitive for us to sanctify time. But nevertheless as Jews we must learn to do it to make shabbat holy every week. Shabbat is “a cathedral in time,” he says, and I’ve been thinking about how much that applies to my experience of hypnosis. Hypnosis is not a physical object. We may sometimes have props but we cannot touch trance and it leaves no marks. It is time that is the sacred dimension in hypnosis, the time that we set aside (“kadosh” in Hebrew) with another human being.
Heschel says we are slaves to space and material things. And in this moment I feel like I have gotten as close as I can to releasing that. I am not even moving my physical body within the physical world. I am just relishing each passing second of stillness, building my cathedral in time.
Of course, sometimes I think sacred space and objects are very important. After all, I am in a space that is incredibly rare, that only exists very briefly, that I had to travel at length to get to.
And I am an object -- art -- inside of it. I am literally decorating the space, as Basquiat would say.
Am I thinking all of this as I sit there motionless? No, not with any sophistication. I truly feel blank. But I am feeling flashes of this as abstract mental sensations that I will untangle later.
Something else strikes me very quickly that I observe within. When people walk up to look at me, something inside me tenses up. I realize that I am unconsciously preparing myself to talk to them. I have been coming to cons for so long, and especially since beginning to write books I always meet a ton of new people every year who come up to me to talk, which I adore. But right now I am in a space where I literally cannot have a conversation with anyone. I don’t even have my nametag on anymore -- my partner was so clever to remove it.
It is the opposite of vending books, where I sit in a chair and am helpless in the sense that I must engage in conversation with the people who come up to meet me. Now, I literally cannot talk to anyone, and they cannot talk to me, and most people may not even know who I am.
It is a hit of extreme objectification, more real than it has ever felt. I am not sleepingirl -- I am a dolly. “Who” I am doesn’t matter. I am art.
My partner also is not sitting there receiving compliments for me. He is nearby, in eyesight, just watching. But he’s anonymous too. And there is something about this mutual anonymity that makes me feel even prouder about us as a couple. There is no performance of who we are. I don’t know how to describe it, but obviously it feels more authentic than public play usually ever does. Like a little secret we are sharing a corner of.
And he looks ever the artist, sitting back and watching me. I feel very strongly that this little scene isn’t the art -- it’s me. Our relationship is what’s really on display. All the work he’s done over 7 years of brainwashing me, real work on my personality and identity, my wardrobe, every single way I express myself and who I am. The people coming by are seeing his bimbo, his dolly, his [x] -- without necessarily knowing who either of us are.
The rhythm is addicting. My mind babbles my self-given dolly mantra over and over, I luxuriate in the stillness, and I stare. I only can sort of half-see with darkened vision, though my eyes are wide. I love when people notice me sitting there -- their expressions change as they observe me. They step into my metaphorical space, which is eerily silent compared to the revelry of the creative demonstrations that fill the room. They are no longer “being entertained,” and no one can communicate to them what I am doing -- they must engage with me out of their own curiosity.
Sometimes they decide to talk to me. I can’t process most of it, but I remember a few interactions.
Someone says, “What an excellent dolly.”
Someone else notices that I’m wearing a bracelet that says “bimbo,” and says, “Even the details on this one are exquisite.”
Someone else says, “Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen sleepingirl play before.”
That last one hits me in the gut with memories of a time now long past: Play in public spaces was universal at cons; I couldn’t move from one place to another without someone dropping me into trance; absolutely everyone knew what I looked like when hypnotized.
Even now as I am on display, I have a mask on, and the people can’t see my gently parted lips.
It is a rush of emotion that is very complex for my simple little dolly head, but it goes away.
For a long while, I just exist as a thing in bliss while the room -- the whole world -- bubbles with activity around me. 
Eventually even as I sit frozen and blank, a little timer starts ticking in my head -- I could sit here for much longer, but I don’t want to make him wait for me, and I have other things I want to do tonight.
Reading Heschel has been helping me release some of that odd panic that bubbles up when I awaken from trance -- the feeling that magic is slipping through my fingers, memories are slipping out of my mind, and I can take no memento from it. I sometimes write, draw, or make music to try to capture the things I feel in hypnosis with my partner. I think it is from that impulse to be able to touch and hold hypnosis, to make it a “thing” in space as opposed to something of time.
But I do think there is something else, just a human drive to create art about this transcendent experience that we engage in together. I need to create art to try to communicate the perfect way I don’t move and my eyes go glassy. I need to express my emotions, my desires, my dreams, my love. I am only human, a human blown away by this very human thing we do that we call hypnosis.
Only my partner sees it, and he does see so much into the soul of it for me. But this is exactly what I have wanted -- a chance to publicly communicate the beauty of what he and I do. To make this art by performing it, living it. To engage in a human act of creativity by having my humanity stripped away from me.
I am a bimbo, a dolly, I am art -- and that doesn’t go away when I get up to tell him I am done sitting here. I am his art. I am a manifestation of his creativity in this world, and he has a beautifully creative mind which I love so dearly.
This is serious for me, this is real for me, this is so highly personal and jealously guarded as my own precious identity.
Ten years ago I laid my head on his lap and he transformed my eyes into dolly eyes and told me that someday he would turn my whole body into a dolly body. And as we laid together in a bed after the Gallery on Friday he talked about how I had those dolly eyes again in that room. But to me, it’s not about being a dolly, or even being a bimbo. It’s about creating art together, art with a power imbalance. And fucking respecting that as sacred and exciting.
I don’t have much else to say except extreme heartfelt gratitude to Mazirian for running the Gallery, and everyone who came by to look at me and said nice things to me and joined me in my world for just a little while. 
(If you’re curious, I was sitting there for about 30 minutes.)
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alieinthemorning · 13 hours ago
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Familiar Warmth [Caleb]
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Content: Touch-Starved, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Soft Caleb, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Reader-Insert
Pronouns: None
Note: I see Caleb within the childhood friend trope. Anything outside of that makes me uncomfortable, so I won’t be engaging with it in any sort of way.
Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!
This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries
Wanna support me? Here’s my Ko-Fi!
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It was raining tonight. Although it sounded far off despite the curtains being open, letting in the blurry moonlight. He focused on the pitter-patter of rain, he focused on his breathing, his heartbeat…
And yours. 
He was at your house, an occurrence that was somehow both rare and frequent. Anytime he had a break from being the colonel, he sought you out. He needed to be around you. You drowned out the darkness, the voices, all of it. It left him with just you and him, and that’s all he needed. 
When the rain started, you pulled him up from the couch and dragged him to your bedroom. He was very confused at first. Especially when you stripped down to your undergarments (and told him to follow suit), but then you lied down and gestured for him to join you and he understood. He went to lie beside you, but you gently tugged his arm closer to you. He confusedly maneuvered himself on top of you, resting his head on your chest. Then your hands made their way into his hair, and he melted. 
How long had it been since you’d done this for him? Over a decade. It felt even longer after his death and year separation from you. Even after all this time, however, your fingers were still gentle, and you still hummed that same tune. 
On one hand, it made him feel like a kid again, but on the other…he felt special. Like this was just for him, you’d never do this for anyone else….well, maybe someone else…someone who looked a little bit like you and a little bit like him—
“You’re thinking pretty hard, Cap’.” Your comment pulled him out of his thoughts. “Wanna talk about it?”
He flushed. He definitely didn’t want to tell you about his white picket fence dream. At least not now, not while he was deep in your bliss. If that made him selfish, so be it. 
“Should I start guessing?” 
Eyes reminiscent of sugilite flashed open met your closed ones. There was a soft smile gracing your features with the moonlight from the open curtains of your window haloing you.
You were beautiful.
He shifted his head so that his chin was resting on your chest now. “Nah, you’re just imagining things.”
“Yeah, sure. You’re definitely not thinking about the future right now.” You chuckled. “When you think about the past, you start running your mouth, but when you think about the future…you get real quiet…”
He froze. 
You were entirely too perceptive for your own good. 
And his silence was a loud confirmation.
He quietly cursed himself. It had taken a while, and a lot of apologies, but he had finally gained some semblance of trust with you again. And now here he was, thinking useless things. Especially since the last time he talked about the future to you, it was in a frantic haze where he said he’d lock you up in a maze where no one could find you. He hated himself for saying that. For scaring you. 
He pulled away from you, showing you his back as he sat on the edge of the bed. He wanted to leave, to shut you out and act like nothing was wrong. However, you had followed him, and the warmth of your hand was already bleeding into his back. He swore he could even feel it in his mechanical arm. 
“Talk to me.”
His eyes slid close as his body leaned forward. His elbows on his knees, and head in his hands. Your arms wrapped around his neck, and your body pressed against his. 
“I keep thinking about…our future together. Which I know isn’t right because it’s not a given that I’m even in a future with you. I mean—I just barely regained a fraction of your trust, but—” His fumbled words became a sigh. “Ah…I feel a pervert”
“How so?”
“I…I keep thinking about kids…our kids.”He sighed roughly in an attempt to keep some deeper feelings from breaching the surface. “I know I shouldn’t. Especially after what I said to you. Having a kid by me would probably feel the same to you. You’d feel trapped—trapped to me, and I shouldn’t do that to you and—”
“Do think our kids would have your eyes or mine? Honestly, I’d want each of them to look like a good mix of the both of us, but if I had to choose, I’d choose your eye color.”
“Huh?” He asked dumbly. 
“What if they had an eye color each? I think that’d look good too.”
What were you saying?
Were you really fantasizing about the two of your future children right now?
And you weren’t admonishing him for having thoughts like these either? 
You had thought about it yourself?
“Am I dreaming?” He murmured, not meaning to say that out loud. 
“Nope.” You pulled away from him for a moment, making your way into his lap. “You may have lost my trust before, but you’re slowly gaining it back. And plus,” You paused, gently brushing your palm against his cheek. “You’re my forever co-pilot, Caleb.”
He chuckled, hands slotting against your waist. “Co-pilot. Who’s the one with the credentials?”
“I’m the pilot in my life, just as you are in yours.” You smiled at him. “We’re both each other’s co-pilots.”
“Maybe I should make it official…?” He asked, unable to hide the timid hopefulness as he brought up a hand to tap your left ring finger. 
You laughed. “I’ll give you the signal, Cap’in.” Then your gaze turned soft as you gathered his face in your hands. “I love you, Caleb. I always have.”
That knocked the wind out of him. He couldn’t have stopped the tears if he tried. They were sudden and unrelenting as they flooded from his tear ducts, down his checks, in between your fingers and down your wrists. 
Despite this, he smiled. 
“Thank you for loving me all this time, pip-squeak.”
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:) This was just supposed to be fluff. I ended up making a man cry. AGAIN
CALL THAT ON BRAND
Ko-Fi | Masterlist
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yoyomomiko · 2 days ago
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Heyyy could you make a fluffy comfort oneshot of ticci toby x ignored reader? So like the reader tends to not be listened to and like, doesnt talk much because of it? If that makes sense! Just a super cute fic full of reassurance and physical affection/words of affirmation lol! Thankyou! 💗
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꒰ ☆ ꒱ — “HEARD”
pairings: ticci toby x female reader
wc: 1.1k+
cw: angst (?), cringe, not proofread, also probably contains grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!! the creepypasta mansion is real!! >:(
— (a/n): i actually haven't written anything in soooo long!!! also i'm extremely bad at writing comfort so i'm very sorry :(( -> m.list
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You were used to silence.
Not the peaceful kind, the kind that wraps you in warmth and lets you breathe, no. Yours was the heavy, suffocating kind. The kind of silence that clung to you because no one ever truly listened.
It wasn't that you never spoke. You did. Sometimes. When it felt important.
But your words were often brushed aside, ignored, or spoken over. So, with time, you just sort of... Stopped trying.
It was easier that way. Easier not to try.
Because trying meant disappointment, and disappointment always hurt more than silence.
It wasn't hard to see why Toby had fallen for you.
You were both outsiders in your own ways, different kinds of overlooked. The moment he met you, something just clicked in his brain.
He didn't talk over you. Didn't brush you aside. Didn't make you feel like you had to fight to be heard.
And yet you still held back.
Even in the mansion, surrounded by people who were supposed to be your people, it was no different. Conversations just flowed around you, and if you tried to join in, it was like no one would even notice. Sometimes, someone would glance your way, but by the time you worked up the courage to speak, the moment would pass.
And tonight was no different.
You sat on the worn out couch, curled up in the corner, listening as the others talked. Ben was ranting, Jeff was being as loud as ever, and Toby was laughing along.
You saw a gap in the conversation, a tiny opening where you thought that maybe it was the time to speak up. All you had to do was wait for Ben to finish his sentence, and then you could finally start.
"I–"
"That reminds me of–"
Jeff quickly yelled out, not even acknowledging you. You couldn't even finish your first word, the subject just changed in an instant.
Your mouth snapped shut, the grip you had on your shirt tightening. Of course.
Your chest ached, but you swallowed it down. You had no reason to feel upset. This was normal. You should be used to it by now.
So you did what you always did. You quietly forced yourself to your feet, slipping out of the room unnoticed.
Or at least that's what you thought...
...
Toby had noticed.
It had taken him longer than he'd like to admit, but once he saw it, he couldn't stop seeing it. The way your eyes would light up for half a second before fading again. The way you always shrank into the background, like you believed you didn't deserve to take up space.
And then there was tonight.
He saw the way your lips parted, just barely, before the conversation swallowed you whole. He saw the way your shoulders dropped, how you curled in on yourself before quietly leaving the room.
He wasn't the smartest guy, but he knew that wasn't normal.
So, without hesitation, he pushed himself off the couch and followed after you.
...
You were sitting outside, knees pulled to your chest, staring at the dark trees surrounding the mansion. The cold air nipped at your skin, but you didn't really care. It was better out here, quieter.
A soft thud sounded beside you.
You turned your head just in time to see Toby plop down, his face twitching for a quick second. He didn't say anything at first, just sat there, hands fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie. It was strange, Toby wasn't really the type to sit still.
"You didn't have to come out here." You glanced away, a frown slowly forming on your lips.
"But I wanted to." He replied, his gaze softening.
Silence.
You weren't sure what to say, so you didn't speak up. Just like you always did.
"Are you okay?" Toby spoke up after a while, his voice unusually soft.
You hesitated. You weren't used to being asked that. At least not in a way that felt... Real.
"Yeah." You lied, gently nodding your head, avoiding his gaze.
"Liar." He shot back.
You glared at him, but there was a grin plastered to his face, eyes filled with something warm that made your stomach twist.
"Come on." He nudged your shoulder. "I saw what happened."
"It's nothing, I'm used to it." You felt a bad taste in your mouth, like you were about to cry. Your chest tightened, and then came that same heavy and suffocating feeling you always had.
"That's not– That's not alright." He shifted so he was fully facing you, his knee brushing against yours. "You shouldn't have to– to be 'used to it'."
You shrugged, trying to ignore the lump forming in your throat. "It's not like it's on purpose. I just... I don't matter as much as everyone else–"
Toby's entire body went still. For a second, you wondered if you had said something wrong, which you did. Then, before you could react, he leaned closer, his forehead gently pressing against yours.
"Don't–... Don't say that." He mumbled, his voice was softer than you had ever heard it.
Your breath hitched as your heart skipped a beat.
"You matter." Toby continued, tilting his head so his nose brushed against yours. "I hear you. Even when no one else does, I do."
Your eyes burned, but you blinked rapidly, forcing the feeling down. "Toby..."
"I mean it." He whispered, his hands coming up to gently cradle your face, his thumbs brushing over your cheeks. "I love hearing you talk. I love the way your voice sounds. I love the way your eyes light up when you get excited. And I hate that you don't feel like you can share it."
"It's hard..." A shaky breath left you as you prayed that the tears in your eyes weren't visible.
"I know." Toby whispered. "But I promise you never have to be quiet around me." He smiled, tilting his head playfully. "Actually, I insist you talk my ears off. Give me all the random thoughts in that pretty little head of yours."
A smile tugged at your lips, and before you could stop it, a small snort escaped you.
"There it is, there's that smile!" His smile widened as he gently kissed your forehead before pulling back to look at you again.
Your chest felt lighter, like maybe, just maybe, you weren't as invisible as you thought.
Toby pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in warmth. He rested his chin on top of your head as he started swaying you gently. "I love you." He mumbled into your hair. "I'm gonna make sure you never feel alone again."
And for the first time in a long time, you actually believed it.
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alittlegiraffe · 1 day ago
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Title: "The One Who Got Away"
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You had spent the evening curled up on the couch, watching reruns of your favorite show, trying to forget about everything that had happened earlier that day. Your heart had been heavy for a while now. The world felt dull without Marshall in it, without his chaotic, yet comforting presence. The silence in your apartment felt suffocating. You missed him—more than you wanted to admit.
Suddenly, a knock at your door startled you. It was late. Who could it be?
You stood up, your mind racing, but when you opened the door, your breath caught in your throat. Standing before you, looking disheveled and vulnerable in a hoodie and jeans, was Marshall—Eminem himself. His expression was a mixture of exhaustion, regret, and raw emotion.
"Marshall?" you whispered, feeling your pulse quicken. "What are you doing here?"
He glanced around nervously before stepping inside, his eyes avoiding yours. "Can we talk?" he asked quietly, almost pleading.
You stepped back, allowing him in. You hadn't seen him in months, not since the day he left you. The day everything fell apart.
He ran a hand through his messy hair, taking a deep breath. "I—I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have left you like I did. I was trying to be a better person for Kim, but I hurt you. And I hate myself for it."
You blinked, unsure of what to say. You had been carrying the pain of his sudden departure for so long, the hole in your chest growing with each passing day. "You left me when I needed you the most," you finally said, your voice barely a whisper. "I don't understand why you did it, Marshall."
He looked at you, his eyes searching your face, and you saw the pain there, the guilt. "Kim... when she got pregnant, I thought I had to do the right thing. I thought I had to be there for her and for the baby. I thought I was being a good guy, but in doing that, I ended up breaking your heart."
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you swallowed the lump in your throat. "I loved you, Marshall. I gave you everything. And you just... left."
He stepped closer, his voice breaking. "I know, and I regret it more than you could ever imagine. But I was scared. I didn’t know how to juggle everything. I didn't want to hurt Kim or the baby, but I ended up hurting you... the one person who didn’t deserve it."
Your heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice. You had never seen Marshall like this before—so raw, so open. "Why are you here now?" you asked softly, a mix of anger and hurt still lingering in your chest.
He hesitated for a moment, his hands trembling slightly. "Because I can't live with myself anymore knowing I fucked up. I was a coward, and I made the worst decision of my life when I walked away from you. I thought it was the right thing to do, but... it wasn’t. You were always the one I needed. The one I wanted. And I fucked it up."
The tears that you had been holding back spilled over, and you wiped your face, trying to hide the pain. "But it's too late, Marshall. You made your choice."
He shook his head, his eyes desperate. "Please... don't say that. I know I can't change the past, but I can try to make things right. I can try to show you how sorry I am. I’ve been an idiot."
For a moment, you said nothing. Your mind was racing, torn between the anger of the past and the feelings you still had for him. You wanted to push him away, to tell him it was too late, but part of you, the part that had never stopped loving him, couldn't do it.
Slowly, you took a step forward, closing the space between you. "You hurt me, Marshall. You left me when I needed you the most."
He nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. "I know. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry."
You searched his face, the man who had once been your everything. "Why now?" you asked again, your voice shaky. "Why come back now, after all this time?"
"Because I’m done lying to myself," he replied, his voice filled with raw emotion. "I was an asshole, and I was afraid of my own feelings. But now, I know the truth. I love you. I always have, and I always will. I was just too fucking scared to admit it."
Your breath caught in your throat. Could this be real? Could he really mean this?
"Marshall..." you whispered, your heart pounding in your chest.
He reached out, taking your hand gently in his, as if afraid you'd pull away. "I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but please... can we try again? Can we start over?"
You looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity there, and for the first time in months, you allowed yourself to believe that maybe—just maybe—this was what you needed too.
With a shaky breath, you nodded. "Yeah... we can try."
And for the first time in a long while, you felt a glimmer of hope.
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A/N this could be a new series guys I swear this is so cute and angsty.
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lsunstreakerl · 3 days ago
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(DarkBull)
I absolutely love the extra info given from these last 2 ficlets and I have thoughts opinions and praise to give
Carlos and Max!! The comfort Max gets from being in Carlos' presence. How he worries about his boys but doesn't understand the implication (said like Always Sunny in Philadelphia) of his actions and what that can mean for others! The gun! How many are just hidden around Redbull and Max's own apartment? When did Carlos become involved enough with crime part of rb that he has access to a gun and takes note of where it is?
More info on the trackers! I love the idea of the placement being the spine ( can't remove it without permanent damage to Max ) and the ankle ( Probably won't be able to walk normally if removed, can't run )
The list that Daniel and Carlos have and share about what makes Max happy, sad, etc. Their job is reliant on this mans emotions, they are learning everything they can.
I love timelines and im asking more for the vibe of where different fictlets fit compared to each other? Are they most chronological to posting unless placement is share (ex. pre kidnapping)? If you don't really know don't worry about it, I just like dates and numbers.
The jewelry! I loved the fact that Christian zoned so far into the bracelet being on Max's skin. In my mind, Christian and GP co-design the bangles and there was a heated discussion, so seeing that in person, on his pet's driver's wrist was worth the argument with GP. I like how Daniel and Carlos got him his collar necklace to symbolize their mark on him (Charles is furious when he sees it for the first time, Pierre did not have a good time).
Did Carlos have to get Christian's and GP's approval before he started the romantic/sexual part of his relationship with Max? If so how did that go? When did Daniel get added to the dynamic? You mention how Carlos just started to lead Max around and finally led him to the kiss which turned to more.
Carlos and Daniel just being in his place ready to catch him when he wants to rest. I loved the both touching part of "they care about me" and "If he breaks down in the wrong place people will die"
In one of your responses you mentioned "discipline". Can you show/explain some examples of what they are or when they were used (On any of the 3 rb drivers because while I think rb wants Daniel and Carlos to be disposable, Max likes them too much for them to be able to get rid of them in the way they did for that one employee you mentioned in 2nd ficlet)
Anyways, I love Dark RedBull and the way your mind has been coming up with progressions because I would never of thought of some of the plot points you give us! Make sure you rest and eat, college students unite!
carlos and max!! the way max really does deeply care for both of them, and in a semi-twisted way they do actually love him back- it just also happens that their jobs depend on it.
carlos was brought into the crime side as soon as his relationship with max moved into a romantic/sexual aspect. redbull pulled him aside after they saw the way max was using him as emotional support/an emotional safe space, and they basically told him "you can take that further, but if you fuck it up we're going to kill you", and also "if you're going to be around him like that you need to be able to defend him".
daniel got the same kind of speech. there are many guns scattered across the factory, and more than a few in max's "flat".
I use flat loosely because you'll notice in the max pov, he says his room at the factory. that's because max has his own space, literally within the factory on one of the higher floors. it's basically a fully kitted out apartment, except he uses his employee badge to get in.
the trackers!! so happy you picked up on the placement there, it was very intentional. the one in his spine is hard to get to without a dedicated surgical team who knows exactly where they're looking- otherwise the damage would be immense.
same with the ankle. if it was removed, he definitely wouldn't be able to drive anymore. couldn't run, couldn't really walk without a slight limp and a lot of PT.
if anyone ever tried to steal max so he could drive for them, they wouldn't be able to remove the trackers without max also becoming unable to drive.
it's by far the most permanent claim redbull has on him- they can't be removed without permanent damage.
daniel and carlos's list is the golden egg of rbr tbh. it's come in handy many, many times.
I'll make a timeline post when I compile stuff for the eventual ao3 post, but until then it's mostly vibes unless I specify lol
the bracelets and the necklace. oh man. christian and GP do spend a lot of time getting it just right, and then the actual screw is customized, so it's different from any of the other love lock bracelets. christian has the tool to open it, and max doesn't, so they're permanent.
the bracelet he gets from daniel and carlos is also permanent. it's not that the clasp is weird and he can't figure it out- it's that it's a permanent locking mechanism, and isn't designed to be removable.
it's so complicated with the three of them. daniel and carlos really do want to take care of max, and they really do love him, but there's also the metaphorical guillotine over their heads. they're both very aware that max being upset at the wrong time or the wrong place could end up with problems, so they have the responsibility of trying to keep him emotionally regulated. they take it very seriously.
ficlets I will be writing: adding daniel to the dynamic, discipline, max redbull reunion
thank you!! once again, thrilled that people are enjoying darkbull as I try and get the brainworm out lol. college students on top raaaahhhh 🦅
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charliedawn · 2 days ago
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Hi Charlie! Just a random question...we know from previous fics/reactions that Jason and Brahms are like, besties with eachother in St.Louis...Could you maybe write how they meet and began their friendship...was Jason at facility before or after Brahms...?
(Sorry for potential bad spelling, English isn't my first language)
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Brahms had been in St. Louis for a while, tucked into his routines—silent breakfasts, pacing the hallways, and retreating to corners where he could observe without being seen. He didn’t talk much unless necessary, preferring the company of shadows and the occasional hum of a lullaby under his breath. He didn’t expect anyone new to catch his attention.
Then Jason arrived.
It wasn’t subtle. The staff struggled to contain him—a towering figure with hollow eyes behind a cracked hockey mask, his silence heavier than Brahms’ own. He didn’t flinch when sedatives were injected, didn’t respond when called by name. Just stood there, breathing like a quiet storm waiting to break.
Brahms watched from afar at first, curious about this new mountain of a man. There was something comforting about Jason’s stillness, the way he didn’t fill the air with meaningless words. He was just there, like a monument carved from grief and rage. Brahms liked that he respected boundaries—until he no longer did. Brahms avoided him at first. Until one night.
The day they made Brahms share a room with Jason was the day the walls of St. Louis felt too small.
He stood in the doorway, arms crossed tightly over his chest, his porcelain mask tilted just enough to glare at the staff with thinly veiled contempt. His room—his sanctuary, his carefully controlled space—was no longer his.
Because of him.
Jason Voorhees stood near the window, towering and silent, his cracked hockey mask reflecting the muted light. His duffel bag, filled with whatever minimal belongings the staff allowed him to keep, sat untouched on the floor. Jason didn’t acknowledge Brahms, didn’t even turn his head. Just stood there, as if the very air belonged to him now.
Brahms huffed dramatically, dropping onto his neatly made bed with an exaggerated flop, limbs splayed like a petulant child. “I don’t want a roommate,” he snapped, voice sharp and dripping with disdain. He glared at the staff member lingering in the doorway, waiting to mediate.
“Facility’s full,” the nurse replied curtly. “You’ll adjust.”
Brahms didn’t adjust. Not that day. Not the next.
Jason rarely engaged with anyone, his silence and intimidating aura kept most people at bay. He mostly spent time outside, tending to the garden, or in his room, flipping through old books about camping and fishing. Jason—this massive figure looming in the hallway or sitting silently in the common area—made Brahms nervous. Jason was even taller than him, stronger, and completely unreadable.
For the first few days, he made it his mission to be as irritating as humanly possible. He left his belongings in precise, territorial lines—books stacked with the spines facing a specific direction, his carved dolls positioned ominously on Jason’s side of the room. He hummed lullabies too loudly, stomped around unnecessarily, and muttered under his breath about “giant oafs with no manners.”
Jason never reacted. Not once.
That, of course, infuriated Brahms even more.
One night, after an especially frustrating day of being utterly ignored, Brahms decided to escalate. He deliberately shoved Jason’s duffel bag with the tip of his foot, sending it sliding a few inches across the floor. “Oh, dear. Did your precious little bag move ?” he sneered mockingly, crossing his arms and waiting—begging—for a reaction.
Jason finally moved.
Slowly, Jason turned his head, the cracked mask tilting just slightly, fixing Brahms with that hollow, expressionless stare. The room grew heavier, thick with unspoken tension.
Brahms’ smugness faltered for a fraction of a second.
Jason stepped forward—not fast, not aggressive, just deliberate. He crouched, picked up the bag, and slid it back without breaking eye contact. Then he stood, looming like a shadow stitched to the walls.
Brahms’ mouth opened, some snide remark teetering on the edge, but…nothing came out. His chest felt tight. Not with fear exactly—no, of course not—but with something unsettling.
Jason didn’t say a word. Didn’t need to.
Brahms climbed into bed without another sound that night, pulling the covers up to his chin, his heart pounding for reasons he didn’t understand.
But over the following weeks, the hostility faded—not because Jason demanded it, but because Jason never did.
Jason’s silence wasn’t a threat. It was just… there. Steady. Like a tree that didn’t care if Brahms shouted at it. And somewhere between petty jabs and tense stares, Brahms realized he didn’t mind the company.
A few days later:
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The first time Jason had a nightmare, Brahms thought the walls were caving in.
It started with a sound—a low, guttural noise, something between a growl and a whimper. Brahms, curled up under his covers, stirred at the disturbance, irritated more than anything. He cracked open an eye, ready to snap at Jason for being loud—
Then Jason moved.
It was violent, sudden—his massive body jerking upright, fists clenched, breath ragged and wrong. Even in the dim moonlight filtering through the window, Brahms could see the way Jason trembled, his whole frame shaking with something primal, something terrible.
Brahms barely had time to react before Jason lunged.
A massive hand clamped around his wrist, yanking him forward with terrifying strength. Brahms gasped, his back slamming against the mattress, Jason’s weight pinning him down in an instant.
“What are you doing ?! Unhand me this instant, you big stupid—!"
Oh.
Brahms’ eyes widened when he saw the giant’s eyes and the tears streaming down his face. He wasn’t awake. Not really. Jason’s hollow eyes were open but empty, lost in something far away. His breathing was uneven, harsh, almost pained. His fingers tightened around Brahms’ wrist, not crushing but firm, holding onto something—or someone—that wasn’t there anymore.
For the first time, Brahms felt the true extent of Jason’s strength. If Jason wanted to hurt him, if he really wanted to—there’d be nothing left of him but broken bones and bloodstains on the sheets.
But he didn’t.
Jason wasn’t attacking. He was reaching.
Brahms could feel it now, the way Jason’s grip wavered, like a drowning man clinging to the last thing keeping him afloat. It wasn’t aggression. It was fear.
Brahms went still.
For once, he didn’t fight. Didn’t struggle. Didn’t snap.
Instead, he moved.
With careful, deliberate intent, Brahms shifted—slowly, gently—until his arms circled Jason’s broad shoulders. And then, with more strength than people ever gave him credit for, he hugged him.
Jason tensed. Every muscle in his body locked tight, as if he was bracing for something awful.
Brahms didn’t let go.
His fingers curled into the fabric of Jason’s shirt, his breathing slow and steady. He wasn’t sure what made him do it—maybe it was the way Jason had never once lashed out at him despite his constant antagonizing, or maybe it was because he knew what it felt like to wake up in a cold sweat, heart pounding from ghosts of the past.
So he held on. Firm, but not forceful. Protective, but not suffocating.
Jason’s breath hitched. His fist, still gripping Brahms’ arm, shook. And then, after what felt like an eternity, the tension melted.
Jason didn’t collapse, not entirely, but he slumped, his weight no longer rigid, no longer ready to fight. His breathing slowed, his grip loosening—not because he was letting go, but because he didn’t need to hold on so desperately anymore.
Brahms didn’t say anything. He just kept his arms around him, waiting, grounding.
Eventually, Jason shifted—silent, hesitant—and returned the hug.
Brahms exhaled, relaxing into it.
They didn’t talk about it in the morning…
But Jason never pulled away when Brahms sat closer after that.
Brahms had trouble sleeping himself. His nightmares were relentless, and that one night which was particularly bad. He had woken up drenched in sweat, his breath ragged. Feeling suffocated, he left his room and wandered the facility, ending up in the courtyard.
Jason was there.
Sitting on one of the benches, staring up at the sky. Just...sitting.
Brahms hesitated. He didn’t want to go back inside, but he also didn’t want to be near Jason. Yet, for some reason, he stayed. He sat on the opposite bench, far enough away to avoid feeling threatened but close enough that he wasn’t completely alone.
Neither of them spoke.
The silence stretched on.
Then, after what felt like an eternity, Jason shifted slightly and held something out. A small wooden figurine. Brahms hesitated before taking it.
It was a frog.
Brahms looked up, startled. Jason was watching him, tilting his head slightly as if waiting for a reaction.
Brahms turned the figurine over in his hands, running his fingers along the smooth, carved edges. It was simple but well-crafted—detailed enough to recognize as a frog, yet rough in a way that suggested it had been made with care rather than perfection. He swallowed, unsure what to say. Jason hadn’t spoken, hadn’t gestured, just…offered.
Brahms glanced up again, watching Jason’s mask in the dim courtyard light. The hulking man had returned to staring at the sky, as if nothing had happened.
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Brahms shifted on the bench, the wooden frog warm in his palm. He wasn’t used to gifts. Not real ones, anyway. His fingers tightened around it. Say something. Do something. But words felt foreign, and he wasn’t sure Jason would care for them anyway. So instead, he did what felt natural.
He reached into the pocket of his cardigan and pulled out a small trinket—a marble, smooth and dark, with a swirl of deep blue in the center. Brahms had found it in the facility’s art room weeks ago and kept it ever since, fascinated by the way the light bent through it. He hesitated only a moment before leaning forward, placing it carefully on the bench between them.
Jason’s head turned slightly. He looked down at the marble, then back at Brahms.
For a moment, Brahms thought he had made a mistake. Maybe Jason wouldn’t understand. Maybe Jason didn’t trade. Or make friends. But then, with slow, deliberate movements, Jason picked up the marble between two fingers. Examined it. Turned it in the dim light the way Brahms had done countless times before.
Brahms held his breath.
Jason tucked the marble away in his pocket.
Brahms let out a quiet exhale, a strange warmth settling in his chest.
The silence stretched on again, but this time it felt different. Lighter. Jason returned to looking at the sky. Brahms, still holding the small wooden frog, followed his gaze.
For the first time in a long time, the night didn’t feel so lonely.
“…Pretty.” Brahms said after a few seconds and Jason gave a slow nod. It was an odd friendship, built on silence, stolen moments, and quiet understanding.
But it worked.
And since then, they have been best buddies and even when the nurses tried to separate them—they couldn’t because Brahms would start crying and Jason would start cutting off heads. So for the safety of all, they stayed roommates.
…..
Brahms: “Jason ! There’s ice cream at the cafeteria !”
Jason *stands up as fast as he can and they both run for it—Brahms waiting for him every time the big guy trips and falls in his hurry because he wants to enjoy ice cream with his best bud.*
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phasesofamoonchild · 7 months ago
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been so long since I’ve woken up with the mood to dance around in my underwear😄 good morning ! 🌞
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modern-alebrije · 2 months ago
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i feel like growing up my family always encouraged us to be independent and self-reliant. so i don't understand why they seem upset at the fact now that i'm an adult who's self-reliant and lives independently
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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tvrningout-a · 2 years ago
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i take one glance at k.yojuro's one shot and i get all giddy and wanna start screaming about him :' )
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ikkan · 2 years ago
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of course my mom is trying to guilt me into staying, by using her tears 😑
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cutearose · 2 years ago
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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for
#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help#so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track#n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all#i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone#but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement#i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past#i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired#i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them#bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant#my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip#especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all#but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me#but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn#but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap#posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public#i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this#n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway#n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me#i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point#idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway#like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff#these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help#i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help#love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao#anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.
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theyreinsensibleshoes · 8 months ago
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ugh i went on a date last night and it got me feeling like shit fr
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miharuki · 8 months ago
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𝖄𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖁𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖓 𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖃 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 (𝕱𝖊𝖒) 2
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You woke up with a headache, feeling your head throb painfully. For a moment, you really thought you were in your real-life home until you looked up and saw the bed canopy, adorned with fine, luxurious fabrics. A typical bed of ancient nobility, you couldn't even sit up without your head pounding from the pain. Who would have thought that crying so much could make you feel this bad?
In pain, you turned, now looking out of the bed. For a moment, you began to notice that the furnishings in the room were more refined, even though they were of a different color. You started to think that this room wasn't, in fact, yours. Looking at the door, you noticed the luxurious details that accompanied it, making you realize that you were neither in your real-life bedroom nor in your noble bedroom in this world.
You started to think a lot, which made your head hurt even more. But you finally managed to understand what happened last night and how you agreed to go with the young man. Now, finally turning to look at the ceiling, you sighed, knowing you were probably not in extreme danger and that being kidnapped was off the list since you had agreed to the situation.
Placing your hands on your face, you thought about the situation at the ball, now considering how your family in this world would probably disown you. What initially seemed like a simple matter turned out to be much worse. In this world, being disowned didn't just mean being removed from the family's inheritance; it meant being officially regarded as not part of the family at all. It was as if they erased you not only from their will but also from their lives. In more extreme cases, it could even mean being expelled from the house.
"Are you alright? You were quite warm last night; you had a fever," said a familiar voice. Turning, you confirmed it was the same young man from yesterday.
Forcing your aching body, you managed to sit up in bed, placing a hand on your forehead as the dizziness from the headache set in. "Yes, it's nothing serious. I apologize for my manners," you said. It was evident that simply lying in a bed that wasn't yours while the host stood by was considered almost impolite in this world.
"Liar… please, miss, don't push yourself too hard. You still seem unwell," the young man said, his voice calm and concerned. If you could look now, you would see the care and worry in his eyes.
"I've been sick many times before," you found yourself thinking, almost mocking your own situation. The boy seemed to sense your sadness and silence. He raised his hand and gently placed it on your shoulder.
He had already felt he was violating your space by touching you the night before, but the pain of seeing your sick body had pushed that feeling aside. Now, with you safe, he felt he needed your permission, but he couldn't help trying to comfort you, the same person who seemed broken and exhausted when he brought you here.
"Forgive me… you went to the trouble of bringing me to your home because of my actions. This is not appropriate behavior for a girl like me. I apologize profusely for invading your residence like this," you said, lowering your hands to your lap and bowing your head in a formal gesture of apology, even while lying in bed.
Nomura noticed that you referred to yourself merely as a girl, not as a lady, which would have been more appropriate. He understood that what happened yesterday had deeply wounded you, so much so that you began to see yourself as inferior, no longer worthy of being called a lady.
His free hand clenched into a fist as he thought about the castle and the ball from last night. He knew who was responsible for this, and he couldn't help but feel anger. At that moment, all he wanted was to drive a sword through the heart of the crown prince, the first prince, and especially his former best friend.
"Please do not apologize, miss. The events of last night were not your fault, and bringing you to my residence was my decision. I had every right to do so, especially when I saw you in such a vulnerable state," he said in a sweet and gentle tone. You turned your head to look at him, observing those kind eyes that looked at you as they had last night. But just making that movement caused your head to throb again, and you placed a hand on your head, wincing in pain. This made him place his hands on your back, gently guiding you to lie down on the bed.
"Please, miss, you are not in the best condition. Lie down and rest. I will accept nothing but your rest," he insisted. With your eyes squeezed shut from the pain, you allowed yourself to lie back down, sighing as you felt his touch slowly fade away.
Nomura watched as you complied, stepping back slowly. He looked at you with sadness before leaving the room. As he walked down the corridor towards his office, he couldn't help but look at the floor, feeling nothing but anger. Calmly, he entered his office and closed the door behind him. His teeth clenched in fury, and only one thought filled his mind: "I want to kill him!" Finally, he sighed, running his hands through his hair before sitting in his chair and looking up at the ceiling.
"Even after countless times, or timelines, you remain the same Prince Luka."
"Miss? Your tea." An maid entered the room with a cart carrying a teapot and a white porcelain cup. She sat down on the bed, and you were beginning to feel a bit better. Before you could say anything, the maid delicately placed a tray on your lap and set the cup on it.
You pondered for a moment. You couldn't stay here forever, even if your parents had disowned you. Eventually, you would have to return home just to gather your belongings, assuming your country in this game had indeed expelled you. If so, you needed to plan where to stay, especially since the Diamond Wars were looming.
"But what stage of the game are we in now? I mean, why should I worry? She's the protagonist and a princess, not me. She can handle things on her own," you thought to yourself as you glanced down at your lap. Your head still ached, but it was less intense compared to when you first arrived at the lord's house.
"Miss?" the maid's voice called out, and you lifted your head to look at her. She was pointing to the cup of tea. "Your tea, if you don't drink it, it will get cold." You turned your head, picked up the cup, and murmured a thank you before taking a sip. Lowering the cup, you continued to stare down, then glanced back at your lap.
"If I may ask, do you know of a good area where there might be houses? Preferably in the countryside," you asked calmly, surprising the maid with the sudden question.
"With all due respect, ma'am, why do you ask?"
"I need to find a place before I'm kicked out of home all because the protagonist is a little princess with her harem on her side, not to mention they humiliated me and literally labeled me a liar in front of high-status people and people from other regions," you thought of saying, but bit your tongue and shook your head. "Forget about what I asked," you said, looking down at the empty cup in your hands.
A few minutes of silence passed before the maid carefully took the cup and bowed respectfully before leaving with the cart.
"It's what she said," the maid recounted the situation to the man in front of her, who could only look thoughtfully out the window. "Poor Lady," Nomura thought, watching from the window as the carriage took you back to your home.
"I apologize, my lord, but do you think Lady might be considering moving away?" The thought of you being away from him was making him nervous.
"I need you to deliver a letter for me…"
pt1
"I'll possibly do Part 3."
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── ୨୧ ! STURNIOLO TRIPLETS GO TO EUROPE
matt sturniolo x reader
SUMMARY: Where Y/N, Matt's girlfriend, participates in the 'STURNIOLO TRIPLETS GO TO EUROPE VLOG' video.
WARNING: Super fluff.
REQUESTED?: Yes, by anon.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: That is MY idea and work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism, copy, or "inspiration"! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.
   ༻✦༺  ༻✧༺ ༻✦༺
The first-class cabin was nothing short of a dream. The softly lit hallway stretched ahead of them, lined with elegant partitions that gave each seat its own private cabin. Y/N walked just behind Matt, his hand warm and firm around hers as they walked the narrow aisle. Nick was leading the way, already peeking into his assigned space, while Chris trailed behind them.
When they finally stopped at their row, Y/N’s jaw dropped. She took a tentative step into her cabin, her eyes wide as she looked around at the plush leather seat that reclined into a bed, the medium lit up screen in front of it, and the small touches of luxury like the pillow and blanket tucked neatly on the side.
"This is amazing." She breathed, turning back to the boys with a grin so bright it could’ve lit up the plane.
Chris, peering into his own cabin a few steps away, nodded enthusiastically.
"This is insane. It feels like a movie."
Matt sent the softest gaze at Y/N's way after watching her reaction, his expression gentle and boyish as he nodded, his eyes sparkling. He felt like a proud boyfriend for being able to give that experience for his girlfriend.
"It really is, huh?" He muttered, receiving a soft laugh from Y/N, who took her backpack off her back and handed it to him.
"Here, baby." She said, motioning to the space above them. "Can you put this up there for me? Please."
Matt took the bag, glancing up at the overhead compartment with a slight frown. It wasn’t immediately obvious how to open it, and he hesitated, looking around for guidance. Nick, already settled into his cabin beside Matt’s and recording the entire interaction on his phone, tilted his head toward the compartment.
"Matt, up." Nick said as he pointed.
Matt squinted, his confusion deepening.
"Where?"
Nick let out an exaggerated sigh, still recording.
"In the thing! Hold the handle and lift it, Matt."
Matt gave him a glare before following his directions. He tugged the compartment open and slid Y/N’s bag inside, muttering something about Nick always being a know-it-all, earning a quiet laugh from Y/N.
Finally, with everything in place, Matt stepped into his own cabin. It didn't take long before the hum of the plane filled the air, preparing to take off soon.
Y/N - who had been watching TikTok while it was still up - threw her phone inside her purse and looked around while trying to get comfortable on her seat, but sighing in frustation when she was unsuccessful.
She returned her feet to the ground and curved her upper body so she could see the hallway, biting her lip as she peeked at Matt's cabin. He had already settled in, reclining in the single "bed" with his hoodie draped loosely over his shoulders.
He felt eyes on him and was quick to look up, catching her hesitant gaze, a soft smile growing on his face, already knowing what she wanted, gently patting the small space beside him.
"Come here, sweetheart." He murmured, scooting closer to the window to make room.
Without hesitation, Y/N got up and crossed the small hall that put a distance between them, climbing in his bed, squeezing into the limited space. It was a tight fit, but neither of them minded.
Matt pulled the blanket over them, wrapping it snugly around her before slipping an arm around her waist, holding her close. Her head nestled against his shoulder, her breath warm and comforting against the skin of his neck.
Reaching for his headphones, Matt placed them back around his head, music already filling his ears. He stretched his free arm, fingers hovering over several titles across the small TV screen before settling on one of Y/N’s favorites, a light, cozy movie he knew she adored.
He pressed play and felt her shift slightly, her gaze flickering toward the screen as the opening scene began. She hummed in approval, though her eyelids were already drooping. Within minutes, she succumbed to the exhaustion of their long day, her arm draped around his chest as she snuggled closer. Matt rested his cheek against the top of her head, his hand moving in slow, soothing circles over her arm, his hoodie’s soft fabric gliding against her skin.
For the first time since their frenetic day began, he felt himself relax.
He glanced toward the small window beside him, catching a glimpse of the night sky dotted with stars and the lights of the airport shining in the darkness. He hummed faintly, the moment feeling both surreal and comforting.
Suddenly, Matt caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning slightly, he saw Nick approaching their cabin with his phone out, clearly recording. Matt shot him a glare, silently warning him to keep quiet.
Nick stopped in his tracks, raising an eyebrow at his brother’s protectiveness. He panned the phone camera toward them briefly, whispering something to the device while capturing Y/N tucked into Matt’s side and the faint glow of the screen in front of them before backing away with a dramatic roll of his eyes.
Matt let out a breath of relief, tightening his hold on Y/N just a fraction as she shifted in her sleep, her fingers curling into his hoodie.
     ༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺
The elevator doors slid open with a soft chime, revealing the quiet luxury of the hotel hallway. Y/N trailed by Matt's side, while Nick and Chris followed, their rolling suitcases rattling faintly on the polished floor. The flight from Boston had been long, and exhaustion clung to all of them, but the excitement of finally arriving at their destination had them buzzing with energy.
"Alright, room 111." Matt said confidently, stopping in front of the door. He placed the card against the magnetic circle above the handle, and the lock beeped, signaling it was unlocked. With a grin, he grabbed the handle and gave it a sharp pull.
Nothing happened.
He frowned, pulling again, harder this time, but the door didn’t budge.
Nick’s laughter echoed down the hall.
"It’s a push door, genius."
"Is it?" Matt muttered, frowning harder as he pulled once more, just to make sure.
Y/N rolled her eyes, stepping forward.
"Move, Matt." She said with a teasing sigh, nudging Matt gently to the side. She took the card from his hand, placing it again against the magnetic circle, and waited for the soft beep. With one fluid motion, she pushed the door open, revealing their room. Turning back, she shot Matt an amused, bored look. "It's not because we're in a different country that the way to open doors changed, honey."
Matt opened his mouth to reply, but Chris cut in with a laugh, clapping him on the shoulder.
"That’s tough, bro."
Y/N stepped inside first, and her breath hitched as she took in the sight before her. The room was a perfect blend of elegance and comfort, screaming Italian luxury.
To her front was a small white round table paired with two armchairs, a bouquet of vibrant green and white flowers arranged in a glass vase on top. Two letters sat neatly against it, each embossed with the Prada logo and addressed to both her and Matt. The sweet, rich aroma of the flowers filled the air, mingling with a faint hint of fresh linen and polished wood.
Directly to her left was an oval center table in marble, elegantly decorated with fancy chocolates, juicy fruits, and another small floral arrangement, the delicate blooms adding a pop of color to the space. Behind it sat a medium terracotta couch with two tall shelves on each side and a painting that seemed to be worth a lot.
Beyond that was the plush king-sized bed that seemed to be the most comfortable bed in the world, dressed in crisp white linens and framed by soft, warm lighting.
The tall windows occupying the whole largest wall were framed by heavy creamy curtains, slightly parted to reveal a hint of the garden below.
Y/N moved further into the room, running her fingers lightly along the wall as she absorbed every detail.
"This is..." She paused, unable to find the right word.
"Insane? Yeah." Chris finished for her, stepping in behind her with his backpack in his hands. "This is like... next-level fancy."
Nick whistled low, setting his backpack near the round table.
"This room smells expensive." He said, sniffing the air exaggeratedly.
Matt closed the door behind him, his earlier mishap forgotten as he put his backpack on the short hallway floor, meeting Y/N in the way and wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her close.
"You like it?" He asked, his voice soft in her ear. She turned to look at him, her lips curving into a warm smile.
"I love it. Prada did amazing with this choice."
As the triplets wandered around, taking in the luxurious details and pointing out things to the phone Chris had whipped out, Y/N let herself enter the bathroom, pulling her skincare bag out of her purse to start organizing the main products across the sink.
Meanwhile, Matt was quick to throw himself on the plush king-sized bed, making sure to take out his shoes first - Y/N would kill him if he didn't, closing his eyes and feeling like he could fall asleep right away.
But he was quickly disturbed by a body crashing against his, his legs quickly pressing to his own chest in a way of protecting it while Nick jabbed his sides with fake punches, so soft that felt like he was tickling his skin.
"What the- get off me, Nick!" Matt yelled between fits of uncontrollable laughter, his voice muffled by his position.
Chris stood at the foot of the bed, phone in hand, recording the chaotic scene.
"This is gold." He said, laughing as Matt tried to wriggle free, his giggling echoing throughout the room.
Y/N emerged from the bathroom holding her, now, empty purse. She paused in the doorway, taking in the sight of the boys acting like overgrown kids. Rolling her eyes, she let out a small laugh and shook her head.
She was away for only 10 minutes.
"Boys." She said in a mock-scolding tone, her voice soft and affectionate. "Be careful, please." She walked past Chris, her lips quirking into a smile as she gave his phone camera a pointed glance.
The youngest triplet chuckled.
"Don't worry, they will survive."
Y/N moved to the small couch at the back of the room where Matt put her backpack, leaving the chaos to happen behind her back. She retrieved her phone and then turned to the center table, spotting the tray of fancy chocolates Prada had left for them.
Picking one up, she inhaled deeply, savoring the rich aroma of high-quality chocolate before taking a small bite of it, feeling the unique taste explode against her tongue.
"Good?" Chris called over, turning away from Nick and Matt after they finally stopped.
"Delicious." Y/N replied, her words muffled as she chewed.
She walked towards him while chewing, watching Nick and Matt get off the bed, her steps muffled by the carpet.
"Nick, get the real camera so I don't have to vlog on my phone anymore." Chris asked as soon as Nick got closer, lowering the device slightly.
Nick was quick to go to his backpack, taking the professional camera out of it. It didn't take long for him to turn it on, quickly spinning it around to make sure it was capturing the right angle.
Matt, who looked disheveled with his hoodie slightly wrinkled and his hair a chaotic mess after Nick's earlier wrestling match, stopped by Y/N's side, standing between her and Chris.
"Alright, this is Matt's and Y/N's room. They're in a different room than the one me and Chris are staying-"
"Cause' we’re special." Matt quipped, his tone dripping with mock superiority as he glanced at Chris with a playful smirk.
Chris rolled his eyes, leaning away from Matt slightly.
"Can you fix your hair?" He gestured at Matt’s wild hair, a grin tugging at his lips.
Matt immediately raised a hand to his head, running his fingers through the messy strands.
"My hair’s all messed up ‘cause I had a hood on during the plane, and then Nick decided to fucking kill me as soon as we got here." He shot a pointed look at Nick, who was laughing behind the camera. "I'm not trying to-"
"Okay, let me show you guys all the things in the room." Nick was quick to interrupt them, turning the camera toward the room to defuse the situation. "First of all, gorgeous..."
Meanwhile, Y/N was silent by their side, phone in hand, finishing up a text to both her and the triplets' parents to let them know they’d arrived at the hotel safely. With a small smile growing on her face after listening to the small fight starting between the brothers, she slid her phone into her back pocket.
"... and I'm so fucking hungry now." Chris kept talking, his tone sounding frustrated as Y/N walked closer to them, the sound of Nick's voice showing the details of the room to the camera echoing like background noise to her ears.
Without saying a word, she stood in front of Matt, her hands reaching up to his hair. Matt didn’t miss a beat, continuing his conversation with Chris about where they should eat later.
"We can maybe go somewhere close. I don’t feel like walking too far tonight." Matt said as Y/N gently smoothed down the mess on his head, her fingers combing through his hair with practiced ease.
"There. Now you don’t look like a trainwreck." Y/N smiled, stepping back to admire her work before patting Matt’s shoulder, stepping away to return to the back of the room, planning on getting another one of those wonderful chocolates.
"Thanks, babe." Matt said nonchalantly, flashing her a soft smile before turning back to Chris. "Okay, so what are the options?"
With another piece of chocolate in her hands, she wandered toward one of the tall windows at the far end of the room.
The elegant window door opened with a soft creak, and a gust of crisp winter air swept through the room, sending a slight chill up her spine. Y/N leaned against the frame, her gaze falling to the breathtaking garden below.
The perfectly trimmed hedges, circular topiary trees, and an array of greenery gave it a serene ambiance. Umbrella-covered tables and chairs were scattered around, surrounded by other buildings of the hotel.
"Wow." She murmured to herself, finishing the chocolate as she took in the sight. She turned her head slightly, calling out to the boys behind her. "Hey, guys, come look at this!"
Chris was the first to respond, bouncing across the room like an excited puppy, followed by Nick and Matt.
"What is it?" Nick asked as he reached her side, peering out over her shoulder.
"Look." Y/N said, gesturing to the garden below. "Isn't it beautiful?"
Chris opened the other half of the window, copying Y/N's position and looking below it.
"Can we go down there?" He asked as he squinted at the view.
"We have to figure it out." Nick affirmed, making sure the camera was recording the details.
Matt slid his arm around Y/N's waist, leaning over the window frame to get a better look. His cheek brushed against hers briefly as he turned his head, her hair tickling his skin.
"I'd love to go down there." He chimed in softly, his voice warm.
Y/N glanced at him, her smile widening at the way his eyes lit up as he looked down at all the green. He was living his dream, and she felt purely joy from it.
Her hand met his on her waist, intertwining their fingers against her covered skin, squeezing his hand lovingly.
"Can we go eat now?"
     ༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺
The restaurant was tucked away down a cobblestone street, just a short walk from the magnificent Duomo. The golden light spilling from the windows reflected off the polished wooden tables and pristine white tablecloths. The tantalizing scent of fresh pasta, basil, and garlic wafted through the air as waiters bustled around, balancing plates piled high with creamy sauces and twirling spaghetti.
At a corner table by the window, the four of them sat, barely holding it together after being awake for more than 24 hours. Nick slouched in his chair, lazily twirling his fork in a bowl of spaghetti, his eyelids drooping every few seconds. Chris leaned against the backrest with his elbows on the table, his mouth occasionally opening in a massive yawn between bites of fettuccine Alfredo. Matt, seated beside Y/N, kept absently running a hand through his messy hair, trying to stay awake while cutting into his lasagna.
Y/N, however, was the first to cave. The warm pasta in front of her - ravioli, creamy and rich - was absolutely delicious, but exhaustion was screaming inside her far more than hunger. She managed to eat only half before resting her fork on her plate with a soft sigh.
Matt glanced over at her, his brows pulling together in concern.
"You’re not eating more?" He asked, his voice soft but tinged with worry. "We barely ate today, honey."
Y/N shook her head wordlessly, too tired to explain that she simply couldn’t eat another bite. Instead, she shifted closer to him, tucking herself above his right biceps and resting her head on his shoulder. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his waist, squeezing him in a sleepy hug as she snuggled into his warmth.
Matt froze for a moment, holding his fork mid-air.
"Careful, sweetheart." He murmured, glancing down at her arms as they brushed the edge of his plate. "Don’t burn yourself on the lasagna." His voice was tender, and his free hand came up to lightly guide her arm away from danger.
"Hmm." Y/N hummed softly in acknowledgment, but her eyes were already closed. She didn’t seem to care much about the logistics of arm placement as she burrowed further into his side, her body practically melting against his.
The faint chuckle that escaped Matt’s lips was filled with affection as he returned to his food, though his movements were slower now, not wanting to disturb her.
"Wow." Nick muttered, his voice barely audible through his drowsiness. He leaned his chin on his palm and smirked at the sight of Y/N clinging to Matt like a koala. "She’s really comfortable, huh?"
"Looks like it." Chris added with a teasing grin, his hand subtly moving to grab his phone from the table. He couldn’t resist recording the scene in front of him; his brother’s flushed face, Y/N’s sleepy frame wrapped around Matt like he was her personal pillow, and Matt’s barely-there attempts to keep a straight face.
"Shut up." Matt muttered, rolling his eyes at his brothers while trying to keep his voice quiet enough. His head lowered slightly to press a soft, awkward kiss to the top of Y/N’s head, the angle slightly off because of her position, but the sweetness in the gesture made up for it.
Chris snickered quietly, his phone still recording as he whispered.
"Two years, and you’re still whipped, dude."
Matt didn’t even bother denying it. Instead, he simply adjusted his arm to hold her a little closer, his hand resting lightly on the right side of her thighs, bringing her legs closer. The movement was protective and tender.
"At least I’m not about to fall asleep in my pasta." He shot back softly, motioning toward Nick’s plate, where his fork was dangerously close to slipping from his fingers as he nodded off.
They continued eating in hushed tones, with Chris occasionally pausing to stifle his laughter at Nick falling asleep while chewing. Meanwhile, Y/N remained blissfully unaware of all of it, her breathing slowing as the sound of the boys’ voices blended into a soothing hum. She was vaguely aware of Matt’s hand moving to eat, but she trusted him to be careful enough not to burn or drop it on her.
When the waiter eventually came by to clear the plates, Matt stopped him, pointing to Y/N’s unfinished plate.
"Can we get this to go?" He asked softly, his voice still gentle as if not to wake her. The waiter nodded, and Matt gave him a thankful smile before returning his attention to her.
Chris finally pocketed his phone and leaned back in his chair, a grin plastered on his face.
"Well." He said quietly, looking between the three of them. "I guess this counts as a successful first dinner in Milan."
Matt hummed in agreement, pressing his cheek against Y/N’s hair, turning his focus back to his brothers.
"Are you going to meet Laura, Nick?" He asked, looking at the oldest triplet, who nodded while pressing his fingers to his eyes. "Okay, we can go wait for you at the Du... Duo... that bright building."
     ༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺
The patio in front of the Duomo was vast and bustling, even late at night. The trio stood at the edge of the square, far enough from the chaos of tourists to have a quiet moment while they waited for Nick.
The cold nipped at their faces, the chill of the Milanese night seeping through their jackets. Y/N was wrapped snugly in Matt’s arms, her cheek pressed against his chest as she tried to stay warm - or at least that’s what it looked like. In truth, she was barely awake, her head lolling slightly every now and then. Matt’s oversized jacket was draped over her shoulders on top of her own, cocooning her as she clung to him.
Matt squinted at Chris’s camera, his breath visible in the cold as he began.
"Alright, I’m not going to embarrass myself by trying to say the name of this building again, but me, Chris, and Y/N are enjoying it from afar."
Chris snorted from behind the camera, tilting it slightly to frame the scene better.
"Well, me and you." He corrected, his voice dripping with humor. "Because Y/N is sleeping standing up."
Matt couldn’t hold back his laugh, the sound rumbling in his chest and vibrating against Y/N’s cheek. He looked down at her, brushing a few stray strands of hair away from her face, his fingers gentle.
"She really is." He said with a grin, glancing at the camera again.
"I’m not!" Y/N protested weakly, her voice muffled as she buried herself further into Matt’s chest. She tried to lift her head to prove them wrong but only managed to half-open her eyes, her words slurring slightly. "I’m... I’m seeing the church. It’s beautiful."
Her attempt at defiance only made Matt and Chris laugh harder.
"Yeah, sure." Chris teased, zooming in slightly on her face before panning back to Matt.
"Guys, we just went out to eat." Matt started to the camera, still chuckling. "And we were literally all falling asleep at the table."
Chris spun the device to face himself, nodding vigorously.
"We were all so tired because we’ve been up for over 24 hours. Like, we were just fading away."
"The only thing that kept me alive..." Matt added as Chris turned the camera back to him. "Was the ice cream."
Y/N stirred slightly in his arms, her voice a soft mutter.
"And me."
Both brothers froze for a moment before bursting into laughter.
"Oh my God." Chris shook his head, barely keeping the camera steady. "Did you hear that? She said 'and me'."
Matt grinned down at her, his heart melting at the sight of her sleepy pout.
"You’re not wrong, tho." He said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You do keep me alive."
Chris groaned jokingly, pretending to gag as he zoomed in on Matt’s face.
"Alright, let’s tone down the mushy stuff for the camera, you two. This is a vlog, you know?"
Matt rolled his eyes but couldn’t stop smiling. He tightened his grip on Y/N, letting her lean on him fully as her body relaxed even more against his. She was barely conscious at this point, her breaths slow and steady, but he didn’t mind. If anything, he was glad she felt comfortable enough to rest in his arms like this.
"Where’s Nick?" Chris asked after a moment, turning the camera to capture the Duomo behind them. "He’s been gone forever."
"He probably fell asleep somewhere." Matt joked, adjusting the jacket on Y/N’s shoulders.
They continued talking nonsense as the cold air swirled around them, Chris pointing out every biker that crossed their path, but Y/N didn’t stir again. She was too far gone, her exhaustion outweighing the chill of the night or the noise of the square. Matt kept her close, shielding her from the worst of the cold as they waited, his heart full despite the fatigue pulling at him.
When Nick finally returned, his steps hurried, and his face red from the chill, he found the trio exactly as he’d expected, glancing at Y/N with a small smile.
"Ready to go?" Nick asked after explanation about the guy who tried to make him buy roses for Laura.
"More than ready." Matt replied, his voice soft. He looked down at Y/N, brushing his fingers across her cheek to rouse her gently. "C’mon, sleepyhead. Time to get back to the hotel."
Y/N mumbled something incoherent, but her arms tightened around Matt’s waist as if to say she wasn’t ready to move. He laughed quietly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he glanced at his brothers.
"Sweetheart, you have to wake up so we can go to our warm room and sleep in our bed, yeah?"
The camera was already trained on them as Matt talked Y/N out of her sleep softly.
"And this..." Chris said with a dramatic tone. "Is why Matt gets the boyfriend of the year award."
The screen cut off with the sound of their laughter echoing into the night, the cathedral standing tall behind them.
     ༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺
"... Goodnight Italy, goodnight moon, goodnight Prada-"
Nick, already giggling, interrupted with a laugh.
"Goodnight Prada is crazy." He said, shaking his head and pulling the covers up to his chin.
Chris, ignoring him, continued, his voice dripping with sleep as his words got a bit mixed up.
"Goodnight pasta, airport-"
Matt cut him off, too, straightening from his relaxed stance.
"Alright, I’m out. Say goodnight me, 'cause I’m leaving."
Chris stopped abruptly whatever he was trying to say, throwing an arm out from beneath the duvet as if reaching for him.
"No, no, no!" He protested, his voice filled with fake distress.
Nick rolled his eyes, his laughter subsiding into a fond grin.
"Let him go back to Y/N before she falls asleep in the shower or something." He teased, adjusting his pillow and settling more comfortably.
Chris groaned in defeat, sinking deeper into his blankets.
"Fine. But say goodnight to her." He said, pouting as Matt smirked and nodded.
"Will do." Matt replied, switching off the camera and leaving it at the marble oval table before slipping out the door. The hallway was quiet as Matt made his way to his room, his steps soft against the carpeted floor.
He pushed the door open softly, careful not to let it creak, stepping inside before closing it behind him, and was immediately greeted by the faint scent of Y/N’s lotion lingering in the air.
After walking through the short hallway that separated the entrance from the room itself, he paused in his tracks, the sight before him pulling a soft laugh from his lips.
Y/N was already tucked in bed, the duvet pulled up to her chin, leaving only her head peeking out. Her hair, still slightly damp from her shower, clung to her pillow in messy strands. Her eyes were closed, but her face twitched slightly, her brows furrowing at the sound of his laugh, as if she was caught between sleep and awake.
He shook his head fondly, leaning against the wall.
"You’re trying so hard, aren’t you?" He murmured quietly, a soft smile tugging at his lips.
The sound of his voice seemed to stir her. Her eyelids fluttered open, revealing her sleepy gaze, eyes slightly red from the tiredness. It took her a moment to focus on him, and when she did, a small, drowsy smile curved her lips.
"Hi, baby." She murmured, her voice thick with sleep. "You’re back."
Matt chuckled softly, stepping closer to the bed.
"Yeah." He said, crouching by her side. His hand reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face. "Chris said goodnight."
"Goodnight, Chris." She mumbled, her words slurred and barely audible, and her eyes began to drift closed again.
Matt’s chest ached with affection at the sight of her so vulnerable.
"Go to sleep, sweetheart." He whispered, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to her temple. "I’ll be there in a second. Just need to change."
She hummed in response, barely acknowledging his words as she nestled further into the duvet, her breathing evening out.
Matt moved quickly, changing into a pair of sweatpants and a soft shirt, all the while keeping his movements quiet. When he finally slid into bed beside her, the warmth of her body immediately drew him in. She stirred slightly, instinctively shifting closer to him, her head finding its place on his chest as her arm draped over his waist.
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her snugly against him and adjusting the duvet to create a cocoon of warmth around them both. His lips found the top of her head, and he kissed it softly, lingering for a moment.
"I love you." He whispered against her hair, his voice barely audible in the stillness of the room, exhaling the comforting scent of fresh shampoo.
Y/N, her eyes still closed, raised her head slightly, her face tilting toward his. Her lips were pursed in a sleepy pout, and Matt couldn’t help but chuckle at how endearing she looked. He leaned down, meeting her lips in a lazy, intimate kiss. It was slow and messy, the sleep messing with their minds, but it was full of love.
Her head dropped back to his chest after pulling away, sighing softly.
"Thank you." She whispered.
Matt’s brow furrowed slightly as he looked down at her.
"For what?"
Her voice was soft and muffled against his shirt.
"For this. I’m only here because of you."
He shook his head, pressing another kiss to her hair.
"Even if Prada hadn’t invited us, I’d take you on a trip around all of Europe if you wanted to. Just say the word, baby."
Her lips curved into a small smile against his chest.
"I love you." She whispered.
"I love you more." He replied, his voice filled with certainty.
She hummed softly in response, her body relaxing completely against his as sleep overtook her. Matt stayed awake a little longer, his hand gently stroking her back as he watched her sleep, feeling like the luckiest man alive.
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