#i dont want them in my house tho lol
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i feel like growing up my family always encouraged us to be independent and self-reliant. so i don't understand why they seem upset at the fact now that i'm an adult who's self-reliant and lives independently
#theyre like 'why don't you visit more often' or stay for longer#and its like#bc i have my own place that i pay rent for#why be sort of comfortable in places where i have to mask 70% of who i am#when i can be in my own space and do my own thing#like.. i've worked hard to build a life that's my own#why can't they just be happy that i finally have a place and people where i can be who i am#probably bc they don't know that when i'm with them im not 100% myself#am i being selfish? maybe. but i dont think it's all that bad#ughhhhhh i hate this time of year#i hate pointless family conflict#and i hate feeling like ive hurt peoples feelings when i honestly dont think ive done anything wrong#also they never visit ME#like why am i the one that always has to drive 50mi to see them#i dont want them in my house tho lol
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!
I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.
#fe three houses#ferdinand von aegir#discord emotes#i thought long and hard about this bc idk the actual want for emotes i made ages ago but#i still love my son and its his bday ad so i should be nice and share#since i no longer have nitro and can no longer use them myself#the fact i can technically post 30 at once was tempting but#some of them arent living up to my standards and also just might not be easy to use in most contexts#so those im gonna skip on lol#whoever wants 21 aegirglyphics tho have at em#i think i might have posted some before? but only 10 and i dont recall which ones#if you want a secret the last three and the middle on the second row are my favorites to use#i used concernednand (the upper one) so much#the internet concerns me guys it was a valid use every time#debated sharing heartnand but honestly the world could benefit from it imo because gotta spread that love#fun lil trivia i love making emotes and so when i was in a server and people knew me as the ferdinand fan and artist#someone was like why hasnt salmon made a ferdinand emote yet#and im like bc i dont run the server and i cant just demand they add my art#and then a mod was like i didnt wanna put pressure on salmon but i thought about it so i was like bet#and then drew a server exclusive happy ferdinand emote#and that was the start of me somehow being able to have like.... ten emotes in that server#some of them were just me joking and then mods encouraging me#cause i used to use felix for every single art prompt theyd give and one week someone said the prompt was pog#and i just was so upset because dude why would i wanna draw felix for that hes not pog#so a mod was like hey if you make a pog felix emote we ill add it to the emotes here#so i once again was like bet and then posted it and then they really added it lmao#anyway sorry for so many rambles please feel free to use them on discord in whatever server#i cant really expect everyone to credit me but also im not really concerned since i fear people know my nands a mile away
204 notes
·
View notes
Text
starting to kind of date someone right before christmas is so stressful fr. do i get him a gift or what we've been on two dates but i'm seeing him tonight n it's christmas eve.....but what if he didn't get me anything then it will be weird.....
#i planned to try to find something small enough that i could easily carry around concealed then take it out if he got something for me#but the thing i got ened up being a bit too big for that lol#im gonna bring a big bag of gifts for all my friends maybe and then it won't be weird idk#by some miracle my mom showed me a bag of emergency gifts for the girlies and i was like cool im taking all of them tonight 😂#which was not what she intended lol#but im gonna do it#if i had time i would have gotten him something different but its good enough#he mentioned a book he hadn't read last night so would have been cool the got him that but its too late its a music hat now#if he even got me anything idk#but he specifically told me he was last minute christmas shopping so idk#i am over analyzing this for sure tho#anyway most unrealistic part of christmas romance movies is they're not anxious wondering whether to gift or not to gift#also im lowkey scared abt new years 😳#not that i wouldn't like to kiss him probably but i already have a hard time looking at him without blushing 😂#so that would make it 10000x worse lmao#also idk if i want to kiss him JUST bc its new years instead of waiting for the right moment to just happen? idk i dont wanna rush things#its not for sure we'll be together at midnight on new years idk what his plans are#but we'll see#anyway things are going well but moving faster than expected 😅#also not 100% sure i'm seeing him tonight and def not tomorrow so that might take the gift pressure off but idk#waiting to hear back abt tonight#😐😐😐#also idk why we waited until we were both on break from work to do stuff bc honestly every time we've met it's been after work hours anyway#however it allows us to stay up later than on work nights which is nice#he didn't leave my house until after 11 last night lol#anyway trying hard not to get swept up in all this while its new but fr im like oh this is what it's supposed to feel like 🥺#never been in love before every relationship i've had was awk and forced was starting to think maybe im just not capable of love#but literally cuddling on the couch watching it's a wonderful life last night i was like hm i'm definitely capable of love actually#not saying im actually there yet but it would be soooo easy to fall for this guy which is p scary actually#esp bc im not sure it would work for other reasons
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
i dont ship them per say i just think they understand each other in a way no one else can and while this could bring them together it’s much more likely for them to reject the horror of being known and cannibalize each other like oscars
#eunyung baek and haejoon goh. to me#i dont think they’re getting together i think theyre going 2 years without talking and then runners into each other and acting like no time#passed at all i think theyre just like adult besties that kinda hate each other#like yeah thats my best friend hes a shithead tho. kinda cant stand him. we’re going out for drinks thursday and i just know hes gonna be#a mess and itll suck. but ill go anyways#haejoon texts him like hey man whats up its been a few months whereve you been#and eunyung sends a photo of himself like in the mountains or some shit with no context#hes like yeah i joined an expedition lol ive been living in the woods for 3 months#they go like a full year without talking and haejoon goes wonder what hes up to and its always something crazy#i think thats how theyd have to be i think if the less time they soend together the better friends they are#eunyung: i joined a commune i think its a cult tho idk its kinda fun#haejoon: please just fucking use my guest room for the love of god#eunyung transitions and visits for the holidays because juwan invited him and haejoons like#something is different. is it weird if i ask. does everyone else know. will they think im homophobic if i ask#eunyung: hey can i bring my boyfriend to thanksgiving#haejoon: absolutely fucking not.#eunyung: homophobic.#haejoon: im gay bitch i dont want anyone youre dating in my house regardless of gender. im going to hate them.#haejoon sends him job listings and apartments and is like i will drive you to your interview please get a normal job#and stop getting involved in multi level marketing schemes#and eunyung goes no 🫶 die#i hust wanted to talk about them. miss them. i caught up to my translation im reading and now i gotta wait for updates
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4
#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly#rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever#and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and#stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc#him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare#longingly at the floorplan i did#bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right#there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan#i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk#but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm#youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan#still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead#i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town#4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better#for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome#but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4#me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive#which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with#them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between#me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from#work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the#power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a#good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her#deeply#her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell#bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
my father telling me how scared he was when i ran away from the house but i cant express how scared i was 2 b in the house
hey, whats up w/that?
#whenever we ‘hang out’ he likes 2 make the topic as depressing as possible by always talking abiut the past#& it is the most annoying shit ever i will not lie BC I DONT WANT 2 TALK ABOUT DEATH & THE ABUSE EVERY TIME I SPEAK 2 U#yk? thag makes sense in my head#anyways he started talking abiut how terrified he was when i had ran away multiple times a couple yrs ago & when i say a couple i mean#i have no idea how long ago bc memory is a bitch#but it had 2 b like middle school - sophmore?#multiple times & like i just wanna shake him bc LITERLLY WHAT & WHO DO U THINK I WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM#GODDAMNN I H8 BING THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS HOUSE WHO CAN EXPRESS EMOTIONS & NOT LET THEM EFFECT HOW I VIEW THE OTHER#‘oh u ran in the park u ran in the park’ i didnt run in the fuckinggppaaarrkrkkkk AAAAAAAAAA I MET A NICE LADY WHO HAD A GOAT IN THE#SPARTMENTS I FRIECIENTED OFTEN WHEN I WAS YOUNGER#i cant express how safe the goddamn goat lady & her kid made me feel vs my parents who started hunting 4 me#like ive been dragged home so many times im not going through that shit again#i miss the goat the mom & the kid we were just chilling @ like midnight 4 a bit#did this turn in2 a vent? idk#i do this a lot ill prolly delete this soonish when im kore calm#bc rn i want 2 chuck bricks in my laundry machine & watch them fly out & hit whatever#im going back 2 watching anime if i have 2 talk 2 1 other person i will actually explode#like irl person not online the silly gay ppl in my phone r super cool & amazing & i love them#im srry 4 bing a dick btw#i cant explain it i mean i could but i cant im just my brain is telling me eveyr1 h8s me & MAN i h8 it when it does#so im just frightened & by golly & am i havign a cheery time yipyipyip#typing in tags is sm easier than in a post bc i dont think most ppl read tags lol#the more i think about my past the more i wonder wtf am i doing here#bc how did i even get out of the house in the 1st place & then ontop of that was able 2 hide#like what……#bc they were fucking grabbing me n shit & they have CARS like i didnt go in the park i walked the sidewalks HOW DID I MOT GET CAUGHT??#MULTIPLE TIMES??? LIKE I ‘ran away’ MULTIPLE TIMES#i didnt exactly run away tho bc i didnt want them 2 file police shit i didnt eant 2 deal w/that & also hirt the pll i stayed over w/#so i always went back. obviously blehhh#ug hj hhhh my heads hurting again this is like the 4th day in a row :((
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
-
#i wanna go to madeline island so BADDD and take 573947403 pictures. its the only place outside of canada i actually want to travel to#a large chunk of my family is still there. in the cemetery ofc but i'd still like to visit them!#i dont talk abt them much bc its all v private n special to Me but there r so many cool stories n things ive learned and UGH i just.#RLLY want to visit the island#my family was on that island FOREVER like i can trace down direct lineage to the late 1300s and even way back then were living on the islan#but after sooooo many years they moved to southern-ish Ontario (in the late 1800s)#its neat bc apparently some cabins my grandparents lived in are still standing!#idk for how long tho bc the pics ive seen the houses look OLD and are being held together with like. hopes & dreams#frank.txt#i wish i could learn more abt even farther back in time but the 1300s is somewhat far back#idk with sumerian culture/theology/etc being my current hyperfixation the year 1300 feels recent LMAO#i wanna learn abt my grandparents frm uhhhhhh 5000 BC ! please aand thank You! lol#edit: i DONT think there are actually any old family log cabins left standing. chdcked the pictures and theyre frm the early 2000s#so uhhhhhhhhhhh if they ARE still standing thats Neat but i doubt it. unfortunately the buildings dont rlly stand the test of time#those teeny tiny lil log cabins will stand for like 200 years and then a small gust of wind will be the thing that destroys them........
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
i started feeling rly sick suddenly earlier and it's not going away OTL
#also my mom has been commenting very often about how she never sees me anymore etc etc#but when i asked if she could at least sit down with me while i opened the presents she's giving me she said no#and that she's only gonna drop them off at the door#cause she doesn't wanna see my dad#and i think it's also because i dont want to go to grandmas house tomorrow#she keeps being like it's probably grandmas last christmas before she dies )): why won't you come )):#and i'm like i cannot handle an hour long car ride; she doesn't have internet; her house is disgusting and smells bad apparently#and i feel like i keep needing to remind her that grandma wasn't a very good grandma when we were little#super strict and mean and you couldn't even eat while watching tv#going over there sucked then and it'll suck now#also she's not on deaths door or anything it's getting harder for her to get around but my mom acts like she's on her death bed or something#so yeah i feel like my mom probably views this as a betrayal or something or me choosing my dad over her#even tho i have Never liked going there and haven't gone there in over ten years now#and now mom won't even sit in the living room for a Few Minutes with me so how is she gonna blame me for this lol
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me
#rat rambles#oc posting#well I mean the good news is that all the staliens are already done and Ive already started on the human kids#the bad news is that theres still 5 more refs for me to remake and 9 icons if I decide to commit to that#the only one Ill probably force myself to do is sprinkles since shes the only stalien that doesnt have one and I dont want to leave her out#the human kids might just not get them tho especially since theres other characters Id like to make refs and icons for too#not as many newbies to the field this year which is a good thing since I do not have a lot of space left for new characters lol#Im probably going to take it easy this year in terms of my goals for artfight since last year I crashed and burned Hard#hopefully Ill have the time and motivation to draw a decent amount but if I dont Ill try not to be too broken up about it#especially since Ill probably burn myself out a bit doing the last minute ref rush lol#its not necessary especially since all the guys who needed the new refs most got theirs but Id like for them to be on the same page#I also went ahead and cleaned up my page a lil bit to make my life easier in the future#I should probably update bios and stuff but I dont feel like it Im too tired#tomorrow Im definitely going to need to clean some more as I have been for nearly every day#I mean guess thats why Im here in part#last week of pet sitting tho so soon Ill be back home again#Im not sure if Im excited or dreading it cause while I miss my family I also have been rly enjoying a house to myself#like its not necessary easy to do all the chores and stuff but it's a lot easier to do said chores when Im alone#and Ive actually been waking up at reasonable times too like not having my mom floating around is doing wonders#its almost making me rethink my insistence that I couldnt live alone but I definitely think itd get to me in the long term I need people#I just wish there was a better middleground since having people constantly in the house stresses me out so bad#it leads to me hiding out all day in my room and that's just not good for me#but its not like I could live by myself even if I wanted to#at this rate I dont think Ill ever move out but lets not think abt how much worse that could be for me thats future me's problem
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
trying to decide if i should go ahead and read the sun and the star now despite not having read the last two trials of apollo books or to just go ahead
#the only stuff ive seen about it is from 2 pjo blogs i follow and listen. love them great posts but also#they do tend to always skew negatively and i love them for it but i also am taking with a grain of salt#bc some of the shit that bothers them i dont really care about lol#again love their blogs thats why i follow but#anyways from what ive seen and i ahvent seen any actual spoilers#but i have seen the fact tah apparently rick disregards the plot of the toa books#which idk if im mad at bc i havent finished them lmao#also something doesnt follow a canon detail but its rick riordan that man does that so many times#also tumblr people despise solangelo and that is their right#im more neutral on them but like i like the potential of them#they just werent developed enough and thats what they use as an excuse but in like a mean way skadaj#anyways all this to say. idk if reading the last two toa books are important#i did read the Big One (burning maze ifykyk) so i wouldnt be spoiled there#i know piper gets a nameless girlfriend in the end that we dont even properly meet at the end of the series#which so true sapphic piper is so real but also thats not proper rep babe#the two lesbians that house leo (and calypso? i cant remember) are better rep#give piper her own book pls#...maybe write it with an indigenous person tho bc uh. we dont want a hoo repeat#IM RAMBLING ABOUT PERCY JACKSON ON MY SIMS BLOG IM SORRY#I JUST HAVE THOUGHTS#i placed a hold on the order on the book at my library and im 23rd in lines#so maybe ill get the last two toa books and read them in the meantime idk#ivy rambles
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
saori the biggest kin/id of my life because why would my roommate make a bunch of cookies when now i have to fight for my life not to eat every single last one of them
#snap chats#HEEEEEEELP#i love lying to myself and saying i dont like sweets so i trick myself into Not eating every piece of sugar i see#ITS SO BAD. THESE COOKIES ARENT THO THEYRE SO GOOD....#she was baking with her boyfriend all day yesterday and dawg they were taunting me... i wanted to eat them so bad..#AND THEN I WAKE UP AND SHE TEXTS US AL LIKE 'you guys can have the cookies i left out if you want <3' LIKE#YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOUVE DONE. i will force myself only to have a few... i promise not to be greedy...#so funny tho her boyf and her went out to eat after cooking and so they didnt have time to clean#and because Its Custom in my house to clean after who cooks (aka this rule only applies to my mom because she hates cleaning)#i just started cleaning. plus i really dont like mess but i had fun cleaning anyway#AND YEAH THIS MORNING IM HAVING A COOKIE AND SHES LIKE 'tysm again for cleaning like that was a lot im sorry <:)'#and im like 'no its ok i had fun :)' and the look she gave me. LOL LIKE /FUN/ 👁️👁️??????#i dont think im a strange person but since living at a dorm with. Active Roommates For Once im sure feelng like a strange person#not in a bad way tho. its kinda funny realizing how odd i am. Apparently. or at least how different we all are from each other#ok bye i need to study spanish
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
why is my friend getting married on a tuesday
#this is the idiot friend w the teenage bf now teenage fiancé#i don't have a job yet but hopefully i will by july and im only applying to regualr mon-fri jobs#so i would need to use a vacation day on their wedding#when im already going to be blowing thru all my vacation time going to doctor appointments to not go blind.....lol#i thought most people got married on saturdays bc its easier for guest to come#maybe they picked a weird day so that less people would come but they wouldn't have to invite less people to keep the catering cheaper#would have been better to do a potluck wedding they're broke af and nobody would mind#anyway ugh#i dont want to be the mean unsupportive friend by skipping the wedding#even tho i am....not very supportive lol#skipping the wedding is a big deal i dont want to do that im not even telling them they're bejng dumb at this point#its too late#im trying to save the friendship so i have to go#but tuesday is really annoying#also there's a very solid chance they'll ask if they can do it at my house bc my yard is really nice#so i really cant skip it 😂#unless i cry abt going blind and make a big fuss but i dont want to do that either#this has been a shitpost#it probably genuinely didn't occur to them that tuesday would be difficult for anyone bc neither of them has ever had a full time job ever#they're 18 and 21#they're so unprepared to get married its scary lol#grown up jobs are a foreign concept to them#jk they def did it so that they could keep the wedding small without not inviting people#so now i have to be the bad friend and say i can't take off work or i have to give up a vacation day#and hope i wont run out pf vacation days for medical treatment#i cant wait until one of my nice normal friends gets married or has a baby so i can actually be happy for them
1 note
·
View note
Note
Hi! I hope you’re doing good in life! So it’s spooky season so I have an ask related to that. I don’t know if you play horror video games, watch horror movies/shows, or read horror books, but if you do, I have to ask: What is the most disturbing book, or video game or show/movie that you’ve played/watched/read? In my opinion, there is two types of horror: the ones that scare you, and the ones that traumatize you. If you can think of any book, movie, or game that really kind of fucked you up, I’m curious to know if you feel like answering. I hope you have a good day and a good life.
Hey, I’m doing good and I hope you are too!
the answer ended up being really long lol
Woof, this is honestly a pretty hard question, since I can't really name any horror (or otherwise) media that actually left me kind of fucked up for a bit, at least not to the degree where it affected me for a while. I probably haven't been really fucked up by anything since I was a kid, so I'll try and recall what a few things fucked me up back then...
Off the top of my head I know that two different spongebob episodes got me bad, the first being one with that tunnel of love thing (tho tbh i havent seen it in a while so it might still spook me today) and the one where i'm pretty sure for whatever reason squidward gets locked in some small locker and has some kind of fucked up dream, whatever that was. I remember there was an eagle in that one. the eagle terrified me. (i looked them up, and the first episode is titled 'tunnel of glove' and the second is 'squidward in clarinetland'. with how badly that second one got to me, i'm surprised i ended up learning to play the clarinet at all)
other than that, i think the courage the cowardly dog episode 'the house of discontent' got me pretty bad, too, but i think everyone who saw any amount of that series as a kid has at least one episode that got them fucked up.
there's probably a handful of scooby-doo stuff that got to me when i was a kid, but i could not name any specifics (asides from charlie the robot's original episode, christ) because i think i managed to see just about every bit of available scooby media around that time.
nowadays stuff still does kinda fuck me up, but it's usually only for brief bits of time. the most recent example I can think of is cowboy bebop's 20's episode, pierrot le fou, which is honestly some great horror, especially how it uses the show's typical format and flips it on it's head, but i wouldn't necessarily say it got to me because of it being scary, more because of the way the ending disturbed me for a bit. it was the only episode that had me stop afterwards and really look into it for anything other than clarifying a character's gender, lol.
the endings of both neon genesis evangelion and end of evangelion had me shaken, the latter more so than the former, but not really due to horror aspects, though. i did have to take a walk after finishing end of evangelion. i don't really watch horror movies, i just... read the wikipedia plot descriptions of them.
honestly, i think some of the more popular youtube analogue horror series have gotten to me worse (likely due to the fact that they can get a bit more fucked up than, say, a tv show or movie), specifically the walten files (which i did watch) and the mandela catalogue (which i just watched wendigoon's vids on), and those two and mostly because facial distortion is generally just an incredibly effective form of horror imo. a lot of the time (esp with the childhood examples) the way i was 'fucked up' was that id be in be visualizing the stuff that scared me, and both the mandela catalogue and the walten files had me doing that for a bit.
now that i remember it, i was really scared of fnaf when it first came out. i first learned of it second-hand from seeing some other kids looking into it, and the bits and pieces i put together about it really scared me.
honestly, it's usually straight-up disturbing sequences or imagery that gets to me the most, and i know my limits well enough to generally identify and avoid that stuff, which is probably why i don't have too many recent examples. i've got one or two examples of non-horror movies that fucked me up as a kid, but that's mostly because they were wildly inappropriate for someone of my age (at the time) to be witnessing, so that's a different sort of topic.
i mean, i think i generally have a decent tolerance for fucked up stuff in media, anyways, i mean, i enjoy berserk and haven't really been too upset or disturbed by what happens in it (look theres some nasty shit in there im not saying its not that bad) so there's definitionally some kind of line that media needs to cross to really get to me nowadays, or it just needs to be a specific kind of fucked up. books generally don't do that for me so i don't have any book examples. no games, either, though shadow mario and the haunted house segments in super mario 3d world scared me so much that i had to make my mom do the levels for me, and i'm pretty sure scooby doo: first frights scared me a bit when i first played it on ds.
other than that, though, I just think that, in pokemon x, the story that an npc tells you during your first trip to route 14 and then the strange office building encounter with the animation-less hex maniac creeped me out pretty bad.
yeah, it's kind of hard for me to think of anything (recent) that actually really fucked me up or anything. most stuff just scared me, never really fucked me up or figuratively traumatized me in recent years.
#asks#zeldanamikaze#salty talks#i think for media to really fuck me up there has to be some kind of intense emotional aspect to it or have some specific visual stuff#my enjoying of berserk is proof that it takes specific stuff to really get to me. the way i tested if id be fine reading berserk is so#fucked in hindsight. i straight up looked up the two most infamous eclipse chapters online and read them to make sure id be fine#what the fuck. i just dove in head first fucking god#anyways yeah. like berserk is generally fine for me but cowboy bebop episode 20 did have me a lil fucked up. its so good#ive been looking more into horror stuff recently and i have a lot of respect for (well-executed) horror games like damn. i wanna play#silent hill 2 so bad. it's a really interesting genre when pulled off effectively on a level deeper than just 'oh look at this scary thing'#anyways. i recently watched mononoke and its not really horror just kinda unsettling. its so fucking good#tbh tho there are some fanfics ive read that did actually fuck me up (which is why i kinda have an aversion to angst)#but i didnt want to talk abt those bc i dont want to name names or anything. theyre good fics they just affected me pretty negatively#generally its more like. freaky irl things that fuck me up but thats not fun to talk about its just like. depressing#sorry it took so long to reply to this i hadnt really sat down to write it or anything an just. couldnt think of much lol#anyways ig bottom line is that its more likely for non-horror stuff to fuck me up? or its gotta be specific stuff idk#i played a few hours of portal 1 at a friends house years ago and for some reason it creeped me out a whole lot#strangely enough i dont think scooby doo mystery incorporated fucked me up when i first watched it#i think there was like 1 episode that scared me more than the rest but it was never too bad#and that show is regarded as likely the most actually scary scooby thing. its rlly good#im pretty sure scooby doo was my first (or one of my first) special interest#also (similarly) i dont really get nightmares too often my dreams are just kinda really weird most of the time#i did actually have like. a scary dream recently but i dont know if id fully call it a nightmare
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was gonna put up ONE little poster on my poster wall, since it was lying on my desk for months and I needed to clear my desk. (It was one of the Machine56 ones on the very bottom left.) But my poster wall was very unbalanced and driving me nuts, so I just went and rearranged the whole thing to be grouped evenly, took down some excessive OW ones, brought out the band and Alice posters again, etc. Fucking miserable doing this on a slanted wall, but it looks so much more organized now!! Relief!
If you don't have slanted walls, count yourself a lucky nerd. But man, the colour groupings paired up nicely with the content groupings, so that was a neat discovery. My thumbs are killing me from pushing the pins in, since EVERY poster on the slanted wall had to be moved, and some had to go into the hard parts/posts of the wall. But it all looks intentional and cohesive now compared with how it looked before.
#this isnt even like half the posters i have.... i actually couldnt find some of them#but i do not have the physical ability to hunting the rest down rn (also left some other posters packed that i dont rly want up obviously)#my desk does not look any better for this lmao but i have more pressing things i have to do today now still#including food holy shit im hungy i haven't eaten in like 7 hours#seriously tho wher the fuck did i pack the other posters tho the kaneki one shouldve been with a white drawing one!#i really wish i had straight walls man i could put up storage and shit instead of everything being on the floor under the slants#but this is life. nothing in this room is straight. including me.#also wish i could repaint the walls i fucking hate beige but i didnt choose it (i had a different room in the house before)#i cant rly repaint anything rn bc of my chronic pain. this was already a lot for me#the other half of the slanted wall is over my entertainment area so i only have 2 big movie theatre posters to keep it clean#this full wall is over my bed since ill be looking up at it from here#posters#personal#Cori.exe#Image.exe#fandom#idk what to tag this man#fuck blank walls lol
0 notes
Text
i hate life so much lately ahahah
#everything is shit and i truly mean everything#so i thought that after some things happened me and my friend would talk regularly again#but nah when her situation got fixed she stopped talking to be again cause she doesn't need anything anymore :))#then there's school and i lowkey hate how much i don't believe in myself anymore#i got 23/25 from a test i was sure i failed#it's also not helpful that my parents are anything but supportive yay!#never to praise me but always to criticise#and they're so ughhh overall like i don't wanna say things but it's getting impossible to live there#there's this thing about them of which i never told anyone cause i dont wanna be perceived in a different way but it's overwhelming#and i don't want to live like this#oh and idc about ski jumping anymore :))) unfollowed all big accounts today on ig that wasn't on my bingo#it's been building up for a while tho probably since 2023 but now without kenneth?#i realised this is not my circus anymore lol#i cried A LOT about it as losing passion sucks but i feel like it's less painful that way then to force myself to watch like during 4 hills#and then go through whatever happened after oberstdorf/gapa and bischo#i will watch it occasionally or even often anyway ig as it's always on in my house but.... i wish it wasn't#and there's mom's bday next week and i know it'll be drama with cooking cleaning etc for the family gathering#last thing is prom i guees? im going cause it's weird not to go but do i wanna go? not at all#i feel like everyone's getting excited while im like 🧍🏼♀️ how's that considered as fun#brb i could go on but i'll rather go to bed#goodnight and pls ignore 😭
1 note
·
View note
Text
this feels so insanely weird
#my brother is switching to night shift at his job which is awesome bc he’ll finally have a set schedule w the same hours/pay instead of#being called in at who knows when#however this means i have to keep quiet all day and i already do ALL the housework so idk how im going to accomplish that#i cant just switch my schedule to his bc i have my own work during the day#OUGJHHHHHOUGH it’s also lowkey triggering bc my father worked night shift basically my whole life#and i remember what an actual fucking horror that was. probably 75% due to it being Him but id be lying if i said my brother does not share#well. many traits with the guy#i am so terrified he’s going to be angrier and dear god i do not want to go down that path#we still fight sometimes but it’s been WAY better the past few months#and if it dissolves into physicality like it had been im actually going to snap LOL#especially bc he’s said he’s been depressed lately which god do i understand however he does not handle it in a positive/safe manner#whatsoever it just turns into anger for him and then he takes it out on everybody#so while he has a more set schedule i deeply fear it’s still going to effect that especially with the change being SO sudden and not gradual#at all. he went in for a meeting yesterday to confirm and his new schedule starts TONIGHT#im so on edge it’s insane lol#despite actually doing pretty decently right now like my baseline is the best it’s been in months#tell me why ive been taking my meds so extremely sporadically (basically only when i start to get withdrawal symptoms) and yet i feel 10x#better than when i took them every day. my edginess has nothing to do w it i was fine before all this happened and even so im like. oddly#calm abt it#i want to go off them entirely just to see how i feel but the withdrawal after having been on them for god what? 6 7 years now? is HORRIFIC#i think a lot of the improvementing in mood is mostly getting out of the house more/socialization/exercise tho tbf#once again i just hope i dont hit a wall and burn out i think i may kms if that happens which is why im taking it as slow as i realistically#can. i cannot wait to have a proper paying job tho i think it wld be immensely good for me. SOMEONE HIRE ME YOU BITCHES#anyway packers game at 8. yippeeeeeee#im so bored rn tho i NEED to clean bc day off but alas. i cannot. so im just sitting on me ass. ough#im just yapping at this point. pray 4 me thanks.
1 note
·
View note