#why be sort of comfortable in places where i have to mask 70% of who i am

[modern-alebrije]

i feel like growing up my family always encouraged us to be independent and self-reliant. so i don't understand why they seem upset at the fact now that i'm an adult who's self-reliant and lives independently

[mollynicolemurphy]

Amends and Letting Go

So John Gray is pretty much mending my broken little heart. I think it must be hearing a man’s comforting words on an audio book that soothes me to some extent. Alison Armstrong is empowering me and helping me to become a Queen, but John Gray... his books are just incredible. Everything just makes so much sense to me and where I’ve been failing in my relationships with men for pretty much my entire life and why.

Interestingly enough I sat down with a girl friend today to make a very strong amends. She is in her masculine I’d say at least 70% of the time and she told me today why she needed space from me. It was because she couldn’t handle my complaining! I’m like huh. The masculine energy REALLY HATES THIS BEHAVIOR! Even the woman who are in their masculine the majority of the time are turned off by it. Actually I think most people are turned off by it and I didn’t even realized I was doing it. Always pointing out the negative, always make sarcastic remarks, it’s so gross. And it weighs people down. I think it has been some sort of a mask for me,.. and effort to be funny or relatable, but woof. What a great additional piece of spiritual sandpaper I got today. Regardless, it was a beautiful convo, we both cried and I hope to form a new type of friendship with her that feels safe, loving and works for both of us. 

And back to John Gray and the Letting Go piece of this writing. He explained today that I have to let go of my former boyfriend with so much love. He outlines in his book I’m listening to now... Mars and Venus Starting Over a 12 week series of meditations to do that are focused on nothing but love. The only way to truly set someone free from your heart is to love them. It’s how you release all the pain, remember all the wonderful qualities and magic moments. You just have to love. And I can say I love that man even more now since I heard his truth and I’ve been learning about how men operate. I didn’t honor and respect him the way he needed, because I didn’t know how. And I get to really keep forgiving myself for how I showed up, sacrificed my needs and abandoned myself in the relationship... because again- I didn’t know.

I didn’t know what self love even looked or felt like. I didn’t know how I was subconsciously conforming to what I thought he wanted. I didn’t know how I had been abandoning myself for pretty much my entire life. And now that I do, I can create relationships from that place, I can practice vulnerable conversations with everyone around me and really keep stepping into the magic of my inner wisdom and grace. I will keep listening to John Gray and Alison Armstrong. I will keep learning, evolving and growing. I will keep slowing down and falling back into my beautiful feminine being. And I will become whole, because I let go. 

[justreadingfics]

It’s a Deal (Chapter 2)

Chapter Summary: You did make a deal.  

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 5.5k

Warnings:+18 only, smut, sex deprived reader, boytoy!Bucky, mention to break ups, mention to bad sexual experiences, casual sex, opened relationship.

A/N: You guys and all the feedback you’re giving to this story are just my everything. Thank you for your patience, if you follow my stories for a while you all know I’m a slow writer and not even social distancing seems to be changing that. The link to my masterlist, where you can find the other chapters, is on my description. Feedback is highly appreciated. I was going to close the tag list for this series at 70, but you’ve been really amazing, so I’m extending it to 80 spots for now. All I ask of you is, if you’re tagged and liked what you read, please leave me a nice little comment.  Thank you, @lesqui​ 

 Saturday mornings have always been like any other morning to you. Waking up early, making some black coffee and fixing up something quick to eat . Then checking up on your schedule for the day, which more times than you dare to count consisted of working from home and that’s it. Nothing special.  

But this Saturday morning is nothing like the other ones, this morning has actually already passed since you wake up past noon, a lot later than you’re used to, take a long bath with all the pampering accessories you found in your bathroom - something you hadn’t done in a very long time- plaster your face with a moisturizing mask you’ve bought on a late night online shopping spree and has never used, wrap your body in a robe, your hair in a towel and go to the kitchen to make your usual black coffee but also a few chocolate pancakes as a treat to the atypical hunger making your stomach groan loudly.

ThisSaturday is nothing like the other ones because you have the memory, on your mind and your whole body, of three fantastic orgasms you were gifted with the night before. If it was up to you, Bucky Barnes and his sinful tongue would get all the awards in the world.

While you hum a soft tune and flip your pancakes, the night before replays like a movie on your mind, taking small giggles out of you and causing a warm rush to creep up your neck. The man sure knows his game, touching all the right places, playing with your body just perfectly, luring you into a very much needed and longed ecstasy.  On top of that, he was nothing but generous and seemed to get himself off by getting you off and, now that you’re thinking about it, a man acting that way in bed is something entirely new to you.

You have to send Natasha a present, maybe that expensive vodka she’s always drinking…

The memory of your friend quickly fades and the sinful picture of Bucky Barnes’s face between your legs pops back into your mind as you drop the pancakes on a plate and sit by the counter to devour them with your coffee. What a night you had. The whole no strings attached situation makes it even more… enjoyable, you dare say, much more than you thought it would be. There is no dwelling on whether you should text him to say hello, or call him, no need to hold back who you really are or what you really want in favor to make a good impression, nor to think about meeting friends, family, no fear of disappointments from both sides… it was just plain good old sex, which you’ve realized it’s all you need and are looking for.

You hum at the sweet taste of the pancake and take a sip from your coffee. There’s no worries in your mind, no regrets, nothing like that. Except for one thought: the fact you didn’t even get to see his cock. The bulge alone grinding against you was already impressive enough to make your mouth water… Everything was amazing, more than perfect, actually, and left you completely spent and utterly satisfied, more than you’ve been in a long time, if you’re going to be honest with yourself. But now you only get to imagine how it would be if you two had gotten to the whole package, the real deal…

Unless…

You had thought about that night as a one-time occurrence, something to take your edge off and move on, but...  He did propose a deal… And you did take said deal… to call him if you needed anything… You stare dreamily ahead as you take a fork filled with pancake to your mouth and flashes of the feeling of his bulge pressed against your back, grinding on your core take over your senses… it took your breath away then and just the memory is making a number on your lungs.

You sure have a need now.

Glimpsing your phone over the balcony, you reach for it, loving you don’t have to care whether it is too soon or not to do what you’re about to do…but a new message pops up on the screen as soon as you unlock it. Natasha letting you know she was sent away for a mission with Steve Rogers but should go back in a week and wanted to schedule dinner for you to tell her everything… You type her a quick answer, agreeing on dinner, before tapping on the brand new contact of your list, added by Natasha Romanoff herself.

Bucky “Soft Tongue” Barnes.  

You’ll change it. Eventually…

~~~

“So… my place this time, huh?”

The smirk on Bucky’s lips is cocksure enough to make you take a long sip of the beer he offered you, while he lazily leans his elbow on the backrest of his sofa, supporting his head on his hand. You're thankful for the alcohol and for the fact that, this time, he hasn’t gone straight to business. Yes, you’ve been feeling bold and excited in having those kinds of encounters with a - hot as fuck - guy you barely knew. But this is new, and you know you must be careful and gentle to yourself, so it doesn’t blow up in your face eventually. Thankfully, Bucky seems to read the situation just fine since he’s been in cue with your rhythm from the very first moment.  

“Did you have any other plans?” you ask, biting your lower lip and hoping your presence isn’t actually a bother.

“I was happy to see your text.” Even if his answer is kind of vague considering your question, it eases the tension on your shoulders at his wide and comforting smile, “We did make a deal…” His voice is a tone lower as he peeks at you from under his lashes, taking his beer to his lips.

You take in a deep breath as your gaze drops to his lips, “Yes, we did.” You gulp, as your body tightens, feeling the rise of the tension in the air, enhanced by flashes of last night when you two settled said deal. 

His chuckle is a tad dark and laced with mischief and oh, man it makes your skin tingles when he drags his body just an inch closer, his beautiful blue eyes fastened on you.

“Ahm, Bucky… can I ask you something?” You try not to let your voice come out too small, as the heat of his body rolls off to yours and makes your core flutter.

“Sure.”

“How does this work?”  

He frowns as his head tilts a bit sideward, “This what?”

“This… ahm,” you clear your throat, “Deal…  I mean, I’m pretty interested, pretty, pretty interested.” You stress the word and your eyes widen a bit at the honesty slipping out of your lips, but you realize that’s actually how being around Bucky has made you feel, giving his own honesty behavior with you, just like now when he expresses no kind of reaction that would make you feel embarrassed or anything of that nature, so you let yourself continue, “But you must know I’ve got out of a relationship recently. It was really serious …10 years.” You chuckle when he huffs and takes a sip of his beer, “Anyway, I’m not really sure how to handle this.” You gesture between you two, “Should we establish any sort of rules, or something?” You shrug questioningly. Every single movie you saw or book you read where the characters had a deal like that they ended up establishing some rules, you’re not sure if that’s what you’re supposed to do here, but…

“Rules?” His whole face scrunches up, “Let me tell you something, sweetheart,” he lets out a long exhale, “My entire life, all I did was to follow damn rules. Even to this day, I have to follow them all the time in my job, whether is from the fucking government, the pain in my ass which is Stark or Fury and, believe me, even from the giant asshole of my best friend who’s pretty jacked up now but was nothing than a skinny angry ass, like, yesterday… Yeah, you know the punk, don’t you?” He smiles when you hold back a laugh, “It’s all about rules, rules, rules… I have to endure them when it comes to work, but I don’t like them in my personal life.”

He smiles that dazzling smile and you can’t help to offer him a small one, too. You see where he’s coming from. Given what you know of his life, he lived a very strict, military life ever since an early age in the 30’s. You don’t even have to elaborate on what happened next and everything he endured… now he’s part of the damn Avengers… Just like that, you start to get a bit more of Bucky Barnes and why he seems to live his life so lightly and freely now…

“Listen…” he continues, after taking a sip from his beer, “Let’s just have some fun… I loved spending time with you last night, I love that you’re here now and I love even more the prospects of tonight…” He smirks and you gulp down at the promise that comes with it, “I just wanna enjoy our time together, I don’t need rules to do that.” He pauses, as his face turns a bit more serious, differing from the light demeanor he’s been showing so far, “Do you wanna set any rules, though?”

You ponder his question. You did bring the subject up, because that’s what you think you should’ve done, but, now that you think about it, nothing comes to your mind. You kinda love his philosophy. No overthinking, just fun and no rules… “No, actually. I can’t think of anything,’ you decide.

“Great.” He smiles and nods, before his face turns serious again, “There’s one thing I need to clear up, though.” He stops and looks deeply into your eyes, as waiting for your consent before continuing.

“Oh, alright.” You encourage him to elaborate.

“As much as I’m looking forward to getting to know you and spending time with you, there’s absolutely no prospect of this turning into some kind of romantic relationship. See, I like the way I live my life too much and chances are I won’t be exclusive to you,” he says fixing his gaze on yours as if gauging your reaction to what his words, “What I’m saying is if I feel like it, I’ll have sex with other people and I highly encourage you to do the same if that’s something you want. The serum made me immune to any disease, but I’m obviously not against protection,” he adds and you feel your cheeks burning, it still blows you away how comfortably he talks about sex and how blatantly honest he is. You like and are getting used to it, but you’re just not there yet, “We can be friends, or not, we can just fuck our brains out, but we won’t go further than that. I need to know you’re aware and consenting on this, I need to know you’re on the same vibe as mine before we continue… having fun together.” He speaks seriously, but you see the tiny and suggestive curl on his lips when he finishes and waits for your answer.

You let out a small laugh under your breath, “I wouldn’t stress about it… I’m still in love with my boyfriend, to be honest. So, don’t worry about me wanting to turn this into something ahm… romantical.” You wave your hand between the two of you.  

“Uh, ok,” He raises a brow and nods, pondering your response, “We’re cool then?” He checks again.

“We’re cool,” You nod and raise your beer.

He promptly bumps his bottle to yours as you seal your deal with a toast and a shared smile.

“So, still in love with him, huh?” He asks, absentmindedly, after you two take a sip from the beer, “Was it a bad break up?”

“Not really,” you answer, looking down at your finger circling the rim of the bottle, “I just wasn’t expecting it… I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him… it was settled.” You shrug, “And then, nothing was certain anymore. I’m sorry,” you quickly add, shaking your head with a tight smile on your lips. The last thing you want is to talk about Eddie. And you’re pretty sure that’s not what Bucky expects from the night, either.

“Hey.” He hooks his finger under your chin, lifting it up so you look back at him, “No rules remember? We can talk, we’re not sex robots or anything.”

Your head falls back when you laugh, “Alright.” You nod as he smiles at you, “But I don’t really want to talk about my breakup, now.”

He nods back, accepting your position, “Can I ask you something?” He’s the one to talk again after you two drink from the beer, “Last night,” he continues when you give him your consent, “When I went down on you. Was that the first time?”

There he goes again, talking so freely... You don’t feel your cheeks burning this time, though.

“No,” you answer, and he lifts his eyebrows, showing a bit of surprise at the answer, “It was the second, actually…” You’re quick to add, tightening your lips, “That obvious, huh?” You laugh quietly as your shoulders drop a bit.  

Bucky shrugs, “It’s just that you seemed a bit self-conscious about it…” He brings his bottle to his lips, but stops it midair, “At first…” he smirks at you once again and winks.  

You let out a small chuckle, looking down, playing with the almost empty bottle in your hands, “And I was…” You turn your body to face him, folding your legs on his sofa and leaning your arm on his backrest. It might be the alcohol, or just his laid-back and comforting presence that makes you want to share it with him, “You see, I’ve dated Eddie since college and he was my first…you know?” You bit on your lower lip as he nods at you to continue, nothing changing on his expression at the information, “And what happened was that he was never really a fan of that… we tried once, years ago and that was it… I knew he was grossed out by it, so I never asked him again.”

Clearing your throat, you look away, bringing you your beer to your lips to conceal any sign of embarrassment your face might indicate, you can’t believe you just shared that with him, you know how pitiful that sounds and what a turn off that must be. You’re there to have sex and are sharing how unexperienced you are? Not cool.

You feel his eyes fixed on you, and, when your gaze is attracted to his like a magnet, the pity you thought you would see on his face just isn’t there. Instead, it’s something entirely different you catch on his expression and his eyes. Never parting his focus from you, he puts his beer on the center table and reaches for yours, placing it next to his. He drags his body closer, and his smell – no cologne, just his own manly smell with a hint of what must be a fancy shampoo-  fills in your nostrils, making you breathe in deeply the inebriant scent, “You know what came to my mind while I was listening to you?”

The sultry tone in his voice is almost hypnotic as your lips part and your gaze drops to his, “What?” you murmur.

“Last night…” He licks his lips before drawing his lower one between his teeth, “Your taste…” He leans forward, brushing his lips on your earlobe, causing your breath to hitch in your throat, “Your shaky legs around my shoulders…” His flash hand finds your knee before sneaking up your thigh, carrying goosebumps on its way, “And those sinful sounds you made while I had your pussy in my mouth.” He grabs your earlobe in a gentle bite at the same time his wandering hand grabs harshly the flesh of your thigh underneath your dress, pulling a breathy whine out of you.

He drags his lips to yours and the kiss is sensual, slow moves of his tongue against yours as his lips are a soft and breathtaking caress. You realize you would be willing to spend the whole night just like that… kissing him, as your tongue laces around his and he lures you to melt into him… But he seems to have other plans in mind. You can’t help but seek his lips again as he parts them from yours.  

“And this is what thinking about all of that does to me…” Boring his blue, now darker than ever, eyes on yours he grabs your hand from your lap and brings it to the bulge in his pants.

You gasp at the sensation in your hand as he guides your hand with his to brush the firm and large hardness. Everything about the situation is sexy and makes you light in your head and hot in your body: the way he moans as you move your hand, his warm breath slipping from his parted lips and fanning over yours, how his eyes flutter for just a second before fixing on yours again, his scent, his shameless words… 

“Just to think about eating your pussy…the mere thought of it…. Fuck, it turns me on,” he whispers and lets go of your hand, allowing it to move on its own as he lunges at you again, kissing and nibbling your lips a lot harder than the first time

You kiss him back fiercely while keeping your hand on his cock, palming it through his jeans. You already can tell how thick he is and a fluttering sensation bubbles down your lower belly as the desire to feel his cock inside you takes over your senses and makes you weak in your legs.

“Shit, I can’t wait to do that again…” He drags his lips down your collarbone, whispering between kisses and licks on your skin, “But right now, what I want is to feel your pussy around my cock. Is that what you want, too?”

“Oh, yeah,” you promptly answer, eyelashes fluttering shut at the thought as you press your hand harder against his hardness and digs your finger on his loose locks, “I want it… I want this cock so bad.”

“Bedroom,” he announces, swiftly getting up and pulling you with him.

By the time you get to his bedroom, he already has his shirt off and you’re only in your set of black lingerie, discarded clothes and shoes left on the short way from the living room. Peppering kisses down his neck, you unbutton and unzips his jeans.  

“Holy fuck.” It slips out of you in a breath when you look down and takes sight of his cock bobbing between you two as you pull his pants along with his underwear down his legs.

It’s big… and thick… and beautiful, you dare say…"Wow," it slips out of you unannounced as you keep staring down and you hear a chuckle from him, a tad too smug chuckle, because he damn well knows… of course, he does.

As he proceeds to ravish your neck, grabbing two handfuls of your ass through your underwear, you can’t help but wrap your fingers around him. You can’t take your eyes off your hand playing slowly with it, entranced by how thick and hard he is, anticipating the feeling of him inside you as you swipe your thumb over the tip...

“Stop, stop.” The rasped plea takes you out of your reverie as his forehead falls on your shoulder and his hand stops yours, “I’ll come all over your hand if you keep that up,’ he explains, laying a kiss on the crook of your neck.

You chuckle and bring your arms to circle his broad shoulders instead, peppering kisses on his stubbled jaw.

“Let’s go to bed, or this will be over too soon.” You can hear the smile on his lips as he squeezes your ass and steps out of his bunched jeans and underwear, guiding you to his bed.

Through kisses, licks, bites, and wandering hands on each other, he lays you down and positions himself hovering you after unhooking and taking off your bra with the same expertise from the night before. He focuses on your breasts, sucking each one of them with intense hunger before shifting on his knees, leaving your breasts and whole body burning for his touch.

He moves towards the nightstand and opens the drawer to get a condom. The position gives you a prime view of his fully erected cock. The little dark path turning into the well-trimmed little hairs right above it shows you how careful he is with himself and the thought of your tongue running down on it pops into your mind and sparks the electricity running down your inside. On its own will, your hand snakes down your stomach till your clothed mound.   

A particularly loud sigh of you is what catches Bucky’s attention as he rips the package with his teeth. His eyes drop to where your hand rubs you covered pussy and his cock twitches at the vision.

“Shit… yeah, touch yourself….” He breathes, as he rolls off the latex around his cock.

You promptly slide your fingers under your underwear and find out how wet you are. You draw gentle circles on your clit, never taking your eyes off his burly and beautiful figure, the tightness in your core is a crescendo as you catch every little detail of his perfect body and his hooded eyes on you.

Still kneeling on the mattress, he positions himself in front of your opened legs, but just stays there, hypnotized by the spot where you touch yourself, placing his hands on your knees and spreading your legs wider for him, his pupils growing darker and darker with lust.

You sigh and moan at the pleasure brought by your fingers, but the exposed situation you are in and the sight of him staring down so hungrily at your pussy prompts the tight coils flaming inside you. Just a couple of days and you’re finding out a few things you had no idea about yourself. One of them is that you actually love that kind of filthy exposition. It feels wrong and intimate and fucking sexy.  

He grips his cock, giving it a few slow strokes and it’s all a sweet torture that you can’t take anymore.

“Bucky…Please, fuck me.” Your voice comes out laced in a mix of plea and guttural groan you didn’t know you had in you.

Dark eyes flick to yours. “Oh, yeah? Do you want me to fuck you?” he teases, showing no mercy to your desperation.

“Hard…” you correct him, gritting your teeth, “I want you to fuck me hard.”

His eyes widen and his chest moves up when he sucks in a breath. You’re really that eager that you can’t control your words anymore, but you love the effect it has on him. He pulls your fingers from under the lace of your underwear and leans down to bring them to his mouth. Your lips part at the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen, his eyes fluttering shut as he moans sucking the two fingers clean. Your taste seems to stir something in him and the world around you spins when big strong hands turn you over roughly.

“On your fours,” he growls. The grasp of his hands on your ass tugs at your core.

You promptly comply, getting yourself in the position he wants you in as he keeps himself behind you. You yelp when he swiftly pulls your underwear down your knees, the lace stretching around them as he spreads your legs. Looking from over your shoulder you watch him cursing under his breath and gripping the base of his impossibly hard cock and guiding it to your slit, coating his hardness with your arousal.

“Holy fuck,” you whisper as the hardness brushes against your clit.

“In a second…” He smirks when his gaze crosses yours.  He leans over and pushes your back down, positioning your ass in the air as you lay your head on his pillow. Bucky grabs your hand and guides it to your pussy.

He doesn’t need to say what he wants you to do as your fingers quickly start working on your clit and he aligns himself with your entrance. He pushes the tip in and it knocks the air out of your lungs as you brace yourself on his pillows with your unoccupied hand, speeding up the finger on your clit.  Bucky groans as he pushes himself in, inch by inch. You’re soaking wet and he doesn’t find much resistance, but it’s been a year for you, so you’re very aware of the stretch on his way in.

“Shit,” you wheeze, loving how full you feel when he’s all his way in, both of his hands grasping your hips tightly.  

“Oh, damn, you feel amazing.” He groans and you clench around him, “Oooo, someone has a praise kink, huh?” A teasing tone in his words.

Do you? You wouldn’t know… all you know is how your whole body and mind respond to having him inside you and how his sultry words make your head dizzy. It’s an aching and floating sensation all at once.  You feel light and heavy and hot and eager for him to move.

Like he’s reading your mind, he starts his pace. His fat cock stretches your walls at every jerk of his hips, increasing in rhythm as it feels easier for him to slide in and out of you. It doesn’t take long before he’s pounding into you, a punishing hold on your hips to keep you steady enough to him. Being the discoverer of your weakness, he punctuates every pound with grunted words of praise, telling how good and wet you feel around his cock. 

He feels good, too. He feels so damn good, his cock brushing and hitting all of the sweetest spots inside you, the sound of skin slapping against skin... Your mind is a fuzz and your head sinks into his pillow, muffling your moans as you just take it, your body moving along with his powerful thrusts. The coil that’s been twisting your lower belly getting tighter and tighter. You want to come on his cock so bad, you press your fingers hard against your sensitive numb.

“Fuck, yeah, work on that clit, I wanna feel you soaking that cock,” Bucky coos, curling an arm around your stomach and, when you notice, you’re on your knees with your back to his chest. Slick skin burns against slick skin as he drags his metal hand over yours on your pussy, guiding your finger in a different direction, making you gasp at the new sensation the subtle shift brings.

“Oh, God.” You can’t and don’t want to hold back anymore as it’s all more than you can handle and the tightness inside your belly washes over your core in sheer ecstasy. Your back arches and your head falls back on his shoulder as you cry out a mindblowing orgasm.

“Shh,” he whispers in your ear, slowing down his pace, “That’s it, oh fuck,” he curses at the feel of your cunt gripping his cock.

Your senses aren’t fully functioning yet when he pulls out, throws you back on the mattress and flips you over, swiftly taking off the underwear that was stretched around your knees. A delicious smile curls your lips at all the manhandling because you want more and he’s giving it to you, driving himself inside you again, lifting your legs with his forearms, resting them over his shoulders and not holding back on the almost inhuman speed as he thrusts his hips.

He leans over, captures your lips and you curl your arms around his neck as he fucks you. Hard. Just like you said you wanted him to. You had no idea you were so flexible but what a way to find out, having the hottest guy you’ve ever met balls deep -really deep - into you while his tongue curls around yours.

Parting his lips from yours he releases your legs and they promptly wrap them around his hips as he supports himself with his forearms on each side of you and arches his back and to allow him to drag his lips to ravish your breasts, which he seems pretty fond of already. You push his thrusts impossibly harder and deeper with your feet as he alternates from sucking one and the other, licking and grazing his teeth around your sensitive nipples, your vision blanking at the light pain mixed with the pleasure he’s giving to you with his mouth and his damn perfect cock inside you. He doesn't give you time to cool down from the last orgasm as your mind freezes, focusing solely on the dazzling sensations in your body.  

“So fucking sexy.” The praise reverberates through your skin and it really seems to be a kink of yours as, joined with the expert roll of his hips, he brings you to another orgasm. A smaller one compared to the first, but powerful enough to make your body shake and to coax a series of moans out of you.

Bucky lets your breast go with a popping sound after a particularly hard suck and shifts back to his knees. 

Still in the daze of your second orgasm, a weak sound leaves your lips through panting breathing as your hips leave the mattress when, pulling your legs straighten up together and keeping them securely against his chest with one arm, he pounds into you until an guttural grunt rolls from his lungs and his hips still. He shoves his hips into yours a couple of times, deep and powerful,, spilling his own pleasure into the condom, before letting your legs loose and pulling out. The sensitivity etches a hiss out of you before his body drops next to yours. 

For a while, all that fills the room is the sound of sharp pants from both of you. In the past year, you came to think to think that maybe sex wasn’t that important to you and that maybe it wouldn’t matter if it happened or not…What a damn fool. 

You do like sex. Love it, actually. And it is fucking amazing and important to you, no doubt of that, you realize while your eyes shut and you allow yourself to drown into the delicious ache that covers your muscles while aftershocks of your orgasms cause occasional spasms all over your body.

“Holy shit.” Bucky’s the first one to speak, still fighting to breathe, “That was-”

“Fucking amazing,” you complete, breathing hard, but with a blissful smile on your lips you tilt your head towards him, “Thank you, Bucky. You have no idea how much I needed this.” You add, too deep in your daze to care whether you sound pathetic or not.

He laughs loudly and the corner of his eyes crinkle with it, “My pleasure, beautiful, my pleasure.”

A few more moments pass with both of you laying there and enjoying the after state of what you just did until the mattress moves when he gets up.

You gather your strength to lift your head enough to watch him walking towards the bathroom, rolling off the condom out of his semi hard cock.

As you’re alone in his bed, that’s when an awkward feeling freezes up your chest in contrast to the heat you’ve surrendered to so far. What the hell are you supposed to do now? Do you leave? Do you stay? Can you take a shower? You could definitely use one… You know he said no rules and you agreed, but some guidance would suit you pretty well right now.  

“Hey,” his voice takes you out of your own mind puzzle, “Your turn.” A soft towel is thrown at your face.

You grab it in your hands and look up at him with a glare. He’s laughing as he walks towards you, still butt naked, and your glare quickly dissipates into a playful one. “The bathroom is all yours now. There is liquid soap, shampoo and other stuff there if you need them,” he offers casually, sitting by the corner of the bed, “I’m starving, Chinese sounds good?”

You sit, too, holding the towel in your hand, “Yeah,” you frown before nodding “Sure, Chinese sounds great, actually.”

“Alrighty, then.” He taps on the mattress and gets up. You gaze falls down to his perky butt cheeks moving as he walks towards the door. He stops by the frame and looks back at you with that mischievous look of his, “Then, I’ll be ready for dessert.” He darts out that sinful tongue of his and runs it over his lips.  

The brief awkward coldness you felt is replaced by a flush of a welcoming heat creeping up your body.

You smirk back at him, “Can’t wait.”  

~~~

[air-in-words]

My Sorting Hat Chats Journey

So, hi! I'm back!

I've been doing fun stuff off in the real world, but I decided to talk a little bit about my own Sorting Hat Chats sorting journey, and how it says a lot about self-acceptance, and how understanding who you really are can sometimes only come from being an active participant in life. Here we goooo...

The Beginning

So, my initial sorting was a Burnt Badger/Bird. This had struck me, because I'd never considered myself a Badger in ANY media. I was seen by my friends as a borderline loner, someone who didn't need anyone else. And yet, all the signs were there.

Looking back on my life, I've always migrated in groups, always looked for a nesting ground, and truly that's all I want. A place to nest, a place to rest, where I can feel safe and surrounded by people who love me. But, after a childhood filled with bullying, I found myself embarrassed of my bold face need for friends, and, for some reason, decided getting too close to people for too long was unwise, so I could probably never have a permanent home. And yet, I always found myself in these little "groups," little packs of people that all travel together.

I've always had these friend groups, where everyone knows each other, we all hang out together, and yet it always manages to eventually fall apart. I asked one of my friends how this keeps happening, and who keeps setting up these groups. She blinked sort of vaguely and said, "uh, you do." It was such a strange realization to look back and see myself as the "shepherd" I was, always creating a flock wherever I went. I had always been the spoke of my friend wheels, the only one that was friends with everyone, or actively tried to be friends with everyone. And I would attempt to hold it together, but it would always ultimately shatter, and I'd leave to find and form another. Family is important to me, and it isn't enough for me to bond with one person. I like for all my friends to be friends with each other, for us all to hang out together and enjoy each other's company.

So, although I still struggle, Burnt Badger came out on top, and I believe is still at the top to this day. I still search for belonging. I still search for family. And, yet, my heart seems to have no intention of unburning. Until recently, I had no idea why.

On the other hand, the secondary I received, Bird, seemed to fit like a glove, and was very obvious to me. I've been called the Encyclopedia before, I was made fun of for being caught reading the dictionary like it was a book, and I always seem to have a "fun fact" for every occasion. And all of this seemed to flow directly into me trying to use these facts and this knowledge to win people over, to get to see me as someone that could be their friend, or that I could be reliable as a member of their "group." So, Burnt Badger/Bird simply made sense. The reasons for me avoiding unburning my primary were irrelevant.

The Now

I'd been gone from this side of Tumblr for a bit, and decided to return on a whim. Saw @wisteria-lodge still posting as much as ever, and saw a lot of my posts had been passed around in the meantime (thank ya by the way) and decided to dive back in, because since then, so much of my life has changed. I've had certain people out of my life for a while that were a hindrance on my self-acceptance, I've moved out of my childhood home, and left a job I've had for the past 5 years. I've been forced to constantly LIVE, to make choices, actual choices, and have been offered the chance to be who I truly am, unapologetically.

So, I took the quiz again, curious if I would come up any different.

I got Burnt Badger/Burnt Snake.

This time, I was almost insulted. A flush of memories, of past feelings came to me, most of all the need to push back, to insist in exasperation I'M NOT A LIAR, as though I was tired of defending myself. As hard as I tried, I somehow couldn't seem to get Bird secondary to reappear.... at all. Which was so crazy, because before, that was pretty much all I could get.

So, I went to the experts, the aforementioned wisteria-lodge and @sortinghatchats .

I looked through the Snake secondary tags and found myself lost in memories I had pushed down, so far down even I couldn't find them, wracked with shame and a need to hide this side of myself, something I'd hidden so well I'd pretty much convinced myself it had never existed.

Being a Bird had always been a choice for me. I decided that was what people must want, becoming intelligent, knowing all of these things, showing off, that would make people like me. But, although I can devour books like nobody's business, and I tend to worry and whinge before every major decision, feeling unprepared, I would always find myself falling short of my own expectations. The amount of times I'd promised myself and others to create a plan and study hard, ultimately fail to do so, and then lie to everyone about it was astounding. My public image continued to be "air-in-words the smart girl" but my private image was still LIAR and FAKE.

I would still somehow get all A's. I was very good at remembering facts and excellent at taking tests. I always thought of them like little tricks themselves, meant to trip you up, but if you paid attention, you could figure out the patterns and be able to bluster your way through stuff you might not even fully understand. You can figure out certain words through context clues, and I was always very comfortable trusting my memory with little preparation beforehand. And yet, I still lied and told everyone I'd studied, at least as a child, before high school.

Math was what eventually messed me up, and sent my self-image whirling into the ground. My grades suddenly went from straight A's to D's and F's. My parents were aghast, what had happened??? I was so intelligent, so smart, such a good student. What had gone wrong?? And, although I never admitted it outloud to them, I knew the answer. With math, you can't trick your way out. You either know how to do it and give the right answer, or you don't. And I had never studied a day in my life, never practiced, never worked hard at all. It was my horrible little secret and math had outed me. It continues to out me, because rather than actually work at it and get better, I managed to keep my grades through high school afloat by leaning on my other grades and taking remedial math courses with a teacher who loved me very much and would let me off easy. To this day, honestly, I can barely count. I might actually have some form of dyscalculia, but I know that if I were willing to try a little harder I could get better. But, why would I do that, when this way works just fine? Just coasting through? But, again, no one could know. Not even myself.

Through high school, I began letting people in on my secret Snake, because being a "slacker" was suddenly cool. I still couldn't let my parents know, or the teachers, but coming clean about not being a keener was what earned me new friend groups. I wasn't some weirdo who actually studied all the time: I was a kid who maybe did 60-70% of my homework and slid by on my good memory and general interest in learning. And my reputation. My reputation was key to my success.

College would be the thing that completely threw me to the ground. There were simply too many sirens singing at me, distractions pulling me away from my work. I'd never looked less like a Bird than in college. I was always skipping class, always not studying, and in fact, would openly fail most of my courses. And I just didn't seem to care. I slid into what I guess must have been a sort of neutral zone, but I wasn't happy. The mask was slipping off and I needed out. I couldn't keep up this charade anymore. It was stifling, trying to be a Bird, going to college for a very Bird degree, surrounded by actual Birds, it was all very much what I didn't want. I wanted something less "academic," less, well, boring. Maybe more Snake like.

And, so, here we are. Currently dropped out of college, living in an apartment with my friend, away from my parents' prying eyes, and with a new job that I chose for myself. On the brink of finally understanding myself, and maybe accepting myself as I am.

My Badger primary is burned because of my Snake secondary. Because I thought I was a sham, a liar, a con, and I didn't feel like I deserved to have people close to me. Those traits are bad, and I was a bad person. No one should be tricked by me.

But, after reading some of the stories from the experts and other Snake secondaries, I found this crazy thought, that perhaps being this way isn't a bad thing. Maybe I'm not a bad person. Maybe it's okay to be who I am. Maybe I can use these "powers" for good, and they aren't inherently evil.

So, at least for now, I'm choosing to identify as Burnt Badger/Burnt Snake with Bird Model. Seeing how it feels to accept myself and not try and force myself to be who I think I should be, or who others want me to be (which is a Snake secondary thing in the first place. Lol!)

For Fun, Here's Some Crazy Actual Snake Secondary Things I've Done That I'm Trying to Be Less Ashamed of Now

When I was little, I used to make up crazy stories about things I'd done to seem more interesting. The one that makes me cringe the most is that my uncle has a statue in his backyard that comes to life and goes on adventures with me. My uncle DID have a statue in his backyard that I really loved but no, it didn't (and still hasn't) come to life.

Some of these, I can't explain, like this one, where I somehow had more than one teacher convinced I'd handed in every piece of homework before the one I was giving them the sob story about that day. I literally had a teacher look me in the face, tell me I'd been handing in my homework really well thus far and knew I was trustworthy, so they'd let me slide with no mark against me. Meanwhile, I had missed the homework for the past THREE WEEKS IN A ROW. I just smiled and let it go. Variations of this situation happened throughout high school and college. And, no, I had no good reason not to do the homework. I just didn't want to do it. Lol.

I usually live in the "neutral state" around my close friends, since I think it's disrespectful not to be straight with them, but I have had to turn it on to help them occasionally. One of my friends was having issues with an ex of hers, she was thinking that maybe she should go back out with the guh, and I had been my blunt, neutral self the whole time, telling her flat out that that was a bad idea. But, it wasn't working. "Neutral state" isn't like a Lion's forceful natural state, I guess. So, I decided I would have to push her in a certain direction to help her get through it. I told her she should go back out with him, and although she did sort of call me out for lying, knowing I didn't actually want that, I told her she should if she really think she should. The dude didn't last one date without showing his ass again, and she thanked me for making her do that. Lol.

Finally, at least for this list, my most prized shameful memory, is when I was taking an acting class in college. We were supposed to create a wordless scene as our final, and I hadn't prepared anything, so I just skipped the day we were supposed to do them. But, I decided to show up for the last day to see if I could still somehow pass. She's going through the grades, and looks up and asks me, "I don't have anything written down for you, I can't remember, did you give a performance or not?" I knew I hadn't then, but decided to give one now. I told her yes I had done one, don't you remember came up with a name on the fly. The same friend from the last story was staring at me like she was about to burst. She thought for a moment, then exclaimed, "ah, of course! Yes, I think I remember. I remember you'd done pretty well. What grade did I give you?" I hedged my bets and said A-. Lol. I had never been filled with more pride shame in my life.

[tonystarkbingo]

3 Prompt Summaries Game

reunions, masks, body worship - suggested by @polizwrites

@polizwrites - Now that Rhodey was full time military, Tony hadn’t seen him  in months.  They  made plans to meet up in Key West  during Fantasy Fest  —  wearing masks (and very little else), they could finally indulge  their own fantasy of being a couple in public.

@psychiccatpanda - Rhodey took the kids trick-or-treating on his own because Tony had been called away on business again.  When they get back, Tony's home and has set the place up for a Halloween party for the kids and their friends. When the kids' friends go home and the lights go down, Rhodey takes his time welcoming his husband home.

@somesortofitalianroast - It was 5 years since Steve Rogers had last seen Bucky Barnes, when Barnes left in the middle of the night after they had sex for the first time, leaving the country the next day for a lucrative job, and Steve heartbroken. It had been several years since Steve had thought of Barnes, though he’d recognize the man anywhere, even behind a domino mask at a masquerade ball. Just seeing Barnes made his blood boil, and he wanted to charge across the ballroom, slap the man silly, and then worship every inch of the man’s body. Too bad he was at the ball with clients and there was no way he could do that without losing a very important contract.

@darthbloodorange - (ShrunkyClunks) - He waits in the shadows of an old warehouse, a mask obscuring his identity. No one could know he was here; not only would his reputation be tarnished, but that of the Avengers as their leader. But there was something about the dark assassin that drew him in. Barnes treated him like no other in this world. Treasured him, possessed him, worshipped him. Not like a hero as the world did, but as a man and lover.

Keep reading for lots more!

cookies, mermaid, dancing - suggested by @somesortofitalianroast

@somesortofitalianroast - Darcy didn’t bake for the Avengers all the time, and she never made her mermaid cookies, since they were complicated and she needed to pay attention to the details when icing them with fancy icing. So it was a big deal when she made them, the sort of thing that made you want to dance in the kitchen.

@gavilansblog - Luca AU where Tony introduces mer-people Steve and Bucky to cookies and dancing

@deehellcat - Morgan's eighth birthday party featured a mermaid theme, cookies with sparkly decorations, and dancing.

@psychiccatpanda - Bucky Barnes never dreamed he'd ever be put in charge of kids.  Who'd want the Winter Soldier for a babysitter?  But this little girl - Tony Stark's little girl - stared up at him, waiting for a reply.

He was pretty sure the last time he'd been this nervous was when he came back to the States after Wakanda.  "Yeah, we can do that.  Sounds like fun."

Which was how he found himself not-quite elbows deep in blue-green frosting for the ocean reef cookies they had baked (that he had baked) while Morgan spun around the kitchen dancing in her mermaid costume.

@lbibliophile-mcu - Tony looks at the tray of raw cookies in dismay. Whoever had designed the mermaid cookie cutter clearly had no concept of the baking skill of the average parent. 

He had managed to press out all the pictures without causing more damage than the occasional lost arm or misshapen head (and a couple of 'defective' cookies are always required for taste-testing straight out of the oven). But the process of transferring the cookies from the bench to the tray had caused the raw dough to stretch and fold and tear; leaving figures better described as some sort of vaguely-humanoid aquatic eldritch horror... 

Impatient, Morgan clambers onto her stool and gasps in delight. "Look, Daddy! The mermaids are dancing!"

@darthbloodorange - (Thundershield) - Thor set out on his boat to the middle of the lake. A smile on his face and a song on his lips. People feared the lake and the creatures that dwelled within. He didn't see why. Peering over the edge of the boat, he watched the mermaids dance. His eyes drawn to one in particular; the blond with the silvery-blue tail. He unwraps the cookies and sets them on the edge of his boat, hoping to draw the merman close again.

picnic, dragon, promises - suggested by @psychiccatpanda

@deehellcat - Steve and Bucky slip away from the village every chance they get to spend time together. Their favorite place to picnic is perilously close to a rumored dragon's lair, but they dare it for its beauty. imagine their surprise when one night as they stargaze and promise forever to each other, a dark shadow flies overhead then lands nearby. It's the legendary dragon, who greets them and offers to witness their solemn vows. (spoiler alert, the dragon is Tony, and I'm not sure what his relationship to them would end up being.)

@psychiccatpanda - Tony hated picnics.  He'd been on so many for photo shoots with his mom and Howard, then for Stark Industries, and the occasional summer charity event.  Picnics sucked.  There was either too much sun or not enough, not to mention bugs, screaming kids, or other couples making out. 

"You promised, Tony," the love of his life reminded him.  "And I got you a surprise." The surprise was a kite in the shape of a dragon. Suddenly, the day was looking better.

@somesortofitalianroast - Steve was walking to a picnic on the beach when he found a baby dragon, abandoned on the side of the road. He picked it up, intending to take it to the local fantasy animal shelter, but as soon as he touched it, he knew he would never be able to let it go. Which is why he was standing on the dunes, murmuring promises to the dragon in his arms.

@rebelmeg -  pepper sighed.  "tony, you promised you were gonna stop doing that." pointedly looking away from her, the red and gold dragon roughly the size of a large dog pointedly opened his mouth, and stuffed the donut hooked on his claw inside.  puffs of smoke emitted from his nostrils and he chuckled in a rough, growly way when a sandwich in a baggie smacked him in the back of the head. 

"we're never going on a picnic when you're shifted again, this is ridiculous."

@darthbloodorange - (Stucky, Fantasy AU) - Steve walks up to the den of the dragon; his once best friend and lover. Baskets of meat in hand, and his heart weighted heavily in his chest. He'd kept his promise for over 70 years, and he wasn't about to break it now. "Bucky, it's me. I know you remember me. You're in there somewhere, I feel it," he says in his elvish tongue. Within the den comes a mighty roar, seeming to shake the very core of the mountain. But Steve is not dissuaded.

bread, defenestration, jingle - suggested by @rebelmeg

@rebelmeg - standing at the window and very calmly eating her sandwich, natasha watched as clint climbed out of the bushes underneath and went streaking for the street, where an ice cream truck was driving past.  the second he'd heard the jingly song, the idiot had flung his own sandwich in the air and literally dove out the window.  wondering if he'd realize he didn't have any money on him, nat smirked.

@psychiccatpanda - (WinterIronHawk implied) To be fair, Clint had not thought about 'costume integrity' or the fact that the Christmas elf pajamas did not count for much in the way of bodily protection.  On the other hand, though, he'd just been planning on eating as much of the freshly baked panettone bread as Bucky let him get away with while they waited for Tony to get home.  Getting thrown through the  window of Tony's Malibu house by some Hydra experiment had not been on his radar at all. (Not Bucky - to be completely clear, he was cute and Clint didn't think mean things about people who baked him a nigh-endless quantity of sweets.)  At least he managed to keep the hat with its little bell that jingled cheerfully as Clint sailed through the air.

@darthbloodorange - Stony (probably a 5+1 fic) - Tony frowns as the familiar jingle of his phone drew him away from kneading his sourdough. He groans when he sees who it was that was calling. He nearly doesn't answer, but Barnes almost never calls, so curiosity gets the better of him. "Stark," the man greets, voice as gruff as ever. "What do you want?" he grumbles. "Arm's acting up again. Accidently threw your husband out a window. He's hanging on about the 26th floor? Thought you should know." "Damn it!" Tony cries, armour assembling around him quickly. He wishes this was the first time Barnes' arm had thrown an Avenger out the window... but it wasn't.

@lbibliophile-mcu - Tony likes bread as much as the next guy, but he is this close to swearing off the stuff entirely. He tenses as Clint moves behind him, his humming looping into yet another round of the jingle for the local bakery. He snaps. "Clint! If I hear another note I swear I will throw you out this window! And not send the suit after you." Clint grins, opens his mouth and... shuts it again. Silent.

Werewolves, Gardening, Hurt/Comfort - suggested by @darthbloodorange​

@somesortofitalianroast - (preserum!steve/werewolf!bucky) When he moved into the house, Steve was looking forward to growing a garden, with a large vegetable patch, all the herbs, and some flowers for the colors. He wasn’t expecting to get overheated. He certainly wasn’t expecting the werewolf to bound out of the woods to take care of him. He’d think he imagined the entire thing, except the werewolf stuck around. Still taking care of him.

@tehroserose - Steve and Tony had retreated into the woods. Obadiah had taken over Tony's birthright, and Hydra had encroached on Steve's home of Brooklyn. They met there, and lived off their wits. Tony did most of the smithing for the various exiles, while Steve gardened vegetables that were rare and valuable. They were content, and while they wished they could save their homelands, there was no real hope of doing so. No hope until one night, when Steve was doing one last check of the garden before going to sleep, he found a big, bleeding wolf.

@rebelmeg - "right here, honey," pepper pointed to a spot in the dirt, and tony padded over, pawing at the spot a few times before starting to dig.  "yep, that's enough." she stopped him when the hole was deep enough, then held out a hand for the flower morgan had cupped in her hands, cradling the ball of roots and dirt with care.  "see, now it's perfect!  you wanna take a ride on daddy now, morgan?  i  think he's getting bored with gardening."

"yeah!"  morgan jumped up with a shout, and scrambled up onto the werewolf's back with no problems.  "go, daddy, go!" with a woof, tony took off at a run, morgan holding tight to his fur as she giggled, and pepper smiled as she watched them.  tony hated going through a transformation during the full moon, the pain of it pretty extreme, but they'd found a lot of ways to make up for it.

@psychiccatpanda - Tony had avoided Barnes since Steve had brought him to the compound.  The werewolf had done the same.  Howard hadn't had anything good to say about weres in general, but everyone knew wolves were the worst.  It was part of the reason that part of the Avengers had been politely asked to leave Wakanda.  Opening the door to his patio, Tony caught the shine of eyes and Barnes scrambled back from what he'd been doing.  Tony scanned the patio and only saw a trowel, some loose dirt, and a flat of plants - wolfsbane. "Doesn't that stuff give you blisters or something?" Tony asked, knowing that it was probably true.  "How about you come in and wash your hands and tell me what you're up to."

@darthbloodorange - (Ults Stony) - After Steve is infected with Lycanthropy, Tony took him to one of his parents' houses out in the country. Everyone expected Steve would get over it, given time, as he did with the vampirism. But the lycanthropy sticks, appearing to have fused with the serum. While SHIELD's scientists look into a cure, Tony stays with Steve. Growing bored of the overly-manicured, emptiness that was the green fields surrounding the country house, Steve takes up gardening as his current mission. Tony watches, completely enthralled, as Steve slowly transforms the area around the house.

letter, basket, book - suggested by @rebelmeg

@jamesbuckystark - Someone left a basket on Tony's doorstep containing a book, a map, and a magnifying glass. Inside the book was a letter dated 1942. He's curious to find out what this means

@tehroserose - Morgan put down the letter. It was the last one. Her father had written her one for every birthday and potential special occasion. This one was for when she became a mother. She couldn't have them hidden away, they were on a basket on her dresser in her room, but that didn't make them any less bittersweet. He left her behind. To save the world, but he had left her. 

 She went to sit in the rocking chair next to her child's crib and began to read the children's story her mother had allowed all those years ago. "Iron Man and the End of Thanos". Any children she had would know their grandfather.

@somesortofitalianroast - When Bucky decided to become a librarian, he thought it would give him access to all the books all the time, in exchange for maybe some shelving. He didn’t realize how much work went into collections development and management, nor how much time was spent looking books up for patrons on their own system when asked if the library had a particular book. Boring and frustrating. He just had to stick it out until he paid off the worst of his student loans. Until the day the letter arrived on his desk, sitting next to a gift basket from a local fancy food store. A letter letting him know that the gift basket was from his secret admirer.

@jacarandabanyan - After waking from the ice, Steve took to reading voraciously to catch up on what he'd missed. Despite Tony's offers, he never did come around to a screen reader, though, and instead opted to keep a pile of books on his bedside table. When the pile of books got too big, he had a whicker basket to put the overflow in. 

 Tony feels like the two of them can't have a conversation outside the heat of battle without devolving into arguments and personal attacks, so he takes to slipping notes into Steve's books. Over time, the notes get longer and longer, until it would be more proper to call them letters than notes.

@rebelmeg - tiny!tony is digging through a basket of new books the jarvises got him, a mix of kids books and textbooks and novels.  as he digs, one of the books falls open, and out falls an envelope.  the letter inside seems to be written in code... but he's also pretty sure that's his mama's handwriting.  a grin spreading across his face, he sits down next to the basket and starts working out the code.

@darthbloodorange - (Stucky? Witch/Fantasy AU?) - Steve sits in his chair by the window and opens his favourite book. With careful hands, he pulls out the letter from his mother, which he'd been using as a bookmark, and carries on where he'd left off. Library, his familiar, jumps from her basket into his lap and curls up, butting her head against his hands. Despite the warmth and happiness he felt here, it wasn't complete. A part will always be missing until Bucky returns.

@psychiccatpanda - Whoever had suggested they stay at this rickety, 'quaint' seaside hotel had apparently never seen any island murder movies ever, Tony thought with disgust.  The wood floors creaked and the building made weird noises at night.  Combined with the crashing waves, it was not what Tony called relaxing.  Somebody knocked and Tony assumed it was the room service snack he'd ordered.  Instead, he found a basket with a book tucked inside.  Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None.

"That's not ominous," Tony muttered to himself, flipping through the pages. Then he saw the letter tucked inside.

[natromanxoff]

Drama, drama, drama... Alright, now we have one about Roger Taylor. And I strongly felt the need of making a post about this because I talked to the blogger here who shared the photo, ergo had a chance to closely follow what has been going on.

What is this I am talking about? 

This photo, that has also been posted here. Jacques Dutard, who is the owner of the photo wrote this caption: “Hey, just wanna share what happened to me just yesterday at lunch... In Sardinia, at the restaurant I have Roger arriving and sitting on the table next to us... Simply amazing, exciting, awesome. Thanks Roger.” So it is about this photo that Roger had with fans on 10th of August, at a restaurant, without a mask, in Italy. As you can probably guess, the ‘without a mask’ and ‘Italy’ parts have bothered some people, then came the horrid comments.

Before I start, I want to especially specify that I am a person who is a medicine student, daughter of a doctor and whose parents have gotten the virus in the beginning of the April but still have the effects virus left on body such as tachycardia, arrhytmia, respiratory distress which appear after a physical activity. These facts don’t make me an expert but make me someone who has relatively better knowledge about some medical subjects and someone who has had a bad personal experience with the virus.

I don’t know if there’s any need for me to say that I’ve become really worried after seeing the visual, it was my initial reaction, I always dread to hear the news of their death and I was, yes, thinking what if he gets infected? My parents in their forties still have problems and in comparison with them; him in 70, what bad consequences would happen? Then, I had some other questions, I was sort of disappointed that he went out without any protection, after all that’s been said. Why?

I know, he’s a smart man and thought I can’t judge him that easily because of him going out. I considered some points and turned my disappointment into calmness. Now I am sharing them with you, especially for those who’s initial reaction was panic and started to spit venom,

Firstly, we must acknowledge that photos are capture of a moment which lasts for split seconds. All we have right now is a split second photo of him without a mask. So do we have any right to attack him for not using mask? No. Because I don’t even know if he was already wearing it or not, if he took it off for the photo or not. Maybe he wanted his smile to be seen at the photo, wanted to create a sincere environment. But we can’t create a drama out of it. Believe me, I am one of those gets so raged after seeing a person not using a mask. It’s necessary, you have to do it for both your and my health. But even I, am not going to make a story from only a photo of someone. That’s pretty normal. I have taken photos of ourselves too and I took my mask off at safe points for this only to wear it again after. However, I will never let people say that I don’t have the mask on me, how dare I can be this selfish and stroll around without any caution. No, I am very very careful and you can never judge me for the moment.

Secondly, let’s say he hasn’t been using mask while he was sitting. He’s at a restaurant. It’s quite understandable that he doesn’t have a mask. Is there anyone who can eat with their masks on? I don’t think so. I am also sure many of us has gone to a cafe or restaurant at some point since the decreases at the cases have started and shops were opened. I accept that I did but where did I choose to sit? At open-air and secluded parts of them. I have started using my mask even before the virus hasn’t been spreaded widely around the country yet, never stopped using it even if I go outdoor because I’ve always been conscious about it. But guess where is the only place I had to take them off? Yes, the restaurants. While I am eating, I have to use my mouth and I take it off to wear it immediately after I finish. That’s probably what he had to do too.

Next, if you just observe carefully and detailedly, you see a small distance between them and Roger. Perspective can fool us so well and unbeliveably. You assume it’s short length from a point but when you change your angle, you see that it is not what it looks like, it’s the opposite, the gap is huger than you think! There has been posts about it even here. What if this is the case? I don’t think that I can interpret that he doesn’t care about rules and stays close to people. In fact, he’s leaning towards them slightly, his chair and knife seems a little so we can quite reckon how is his sitting straight position. Gives me a impression that it’s far from other people and he just leaned a little for the photo because he isn’t rude to the fans. I am sure, there would be another discussion if he rejected their photo request. The man seems like sitting at the edge of the chair and there is a woman and man smiling and looking at camera in the back, at the second table. I can maybe assume, these fans came from there and talked briefly, took a photo, then went away. He always stays close with fans or puts an arm behind them on photos, if he didn’t care, he might have tried to do that again.

Another point, some researchs say that not socializing for a long time might cause regression on brain structures and functions especially of old people, who are older than 65. They already have minor of it, as something age brings with it and closing them, without any human interaction might make it worse. That’s why this has been discussed here if there can be another good way for old people because being under quarantine for months may effect them badly. Not just that, psychological effect that being between 4 walls leaves on us is a significant one. Whether we notice it or not, there is a change because we’ve gotten used to go out freely. As for him; alright, he has a big house with a wide garden, his wife with him and comparably, he has much comfortable and livable conditions than many of us. But is this really enough to stay there for this much long time and don’t go on any holiday at all? Especiallr for him who is energetic and has given concerts for all these years? Same place bores us after a point, we feel the need of change. He has stayed in his house for all this time and hasn’t moaned about it on social media like some other celebrities, he probably tried to make the best out of it; giving drum tutorials, recording a song, playing song with his friends on video call and now that he went to holiday, people started to attack. He has disadvantage because of his age but also has right and need to get relaxed too.

All people started to go on holiday. I confess, I did too. We have a private summerhouse with a pool so I have been lucky about not getting into crowd a lot but I was still cautious. Like I have woken up at the wee hours to be able to go to sea. So it’s possible to go on holiday and be safe if you take the precautions. We don’t even know what kind of a holiday he’s having, might be a boat, private rented house or something else. Maybe he was isolating himself on the vacation too. We don’t even know anything for sure. Just because we received a photo of him at a restaurant isn’t enough to throw mud at him for going on holiday. Especially not now, when everybody is having holiday. If only celebrities went to have holiday and us people had to stay at home, I would get angry too. But he’s not only one to blame at this. 

Lastly, his daughter is a GP. He can comfortably ask her about what he should do or what is safer to do. Everybody likes to ask to people who’s close to them and in that field because it’s easier to learn and more reliable than internet. Like even a neighbour rings our bell to ask a medical question to my father at obnoxious hours, is he going to he hesitate to call his own daughter to ask couple of things? I doubt it. He has a chance to learn about it more and better, I am sure he wouldn’t miss this chance. He has always been a responsible, smart man and I am not sure if he would suddenly turn into an ignorant, stupid person.

I try to see your point of views too. Yes, it seems unpleasing to view him in that position during this pandemic. Yes, I was irritated by it as I said that I am much more sensitive about this and it is against my principles. But when you think sensibly, you get to the conclusion that it might not seem like what it is. If we kept seeing new content of him going around without a mask, I would totally justify you. But right now, this is not what it is. It’s so easy to prejudge someone, so so easy, what is harder is to put them aside and think carefully if something different is possible. When I think, I reach to these many points and I haven’t felt lazy to write them all because I haven’t seen enough people that think with every aspects but seen the ones who attacked greatly. 

I am concerned because of his age and his choice of resturant which is relatively crowded. But as it is in the words, it’s his ‘choice’ and I can’t call him stupid because of that. I am hoping that nothing bad happens because this disease is really hell but I also trust his mind and try to think that he will do what’s necessary to protect himself. I just invite everybody to think reasonably, evaluate every aspects and not create a drama easily because we have already enough of it. Criticize kindly, I do that too - I would have preferred him do be at a safer place but as I said there is probably an explanation and it’s his will, but please don’t be this aggresive using these rude words.

[scoobydoominuscoobydoo]

Alright, I guess we should talk about Scoob!

So Scoob! was digitally release nearly a month ago and Mod Silas and I finally got around to watching it. 

For anyone who liked it and don’t wanna read me heavily criticize it then I’ll just spoil you right now:

I did not like Scoob! at all.

And it was really disappointing because this is the first wide release film Scooby has gotten in 16 years. That’s a long time to think of bringing Scooby to the general public who don’t go out of their way to watch every single direct-to-video movie. The announcement of a new feature length film was two or three years ago and I was really excited to hear it because I was expecting some high-quality content.

My opinion of it quickly dropped a lot when it was revealed that the original voice cast wouldn’t be in it. That’s fine all on it’s own but they did it without even letting the original cast know they wouldn’t be a part of this (Besides Frank but he wasn’t even cast as who he originally played). Seeing both Matthew and Grey’s responses to this made me sad and I was significantly less excited for this movie. 

Suddenly the concept of this movie not being that good became very real to me. How much passion can you have for Scooby-Doo when you ignore the original cast and hire people who have never done anything for the franchise before that.

Despite all of that, I was giving Scoob! the benefit of the doubt because I really wanted this movie to be good. I wanted this movie to open up the potential for more major Scooby projects. And while this movie did well financially I find myself so disappointed that after 16 years this is what we got.

Since I hated almost everything about this movie I’m gonna break it up into a numbered list (otherwise I’ll be ranting endlessly).

#1: This movie fails at telling a story.

When the trailer was dropped I remember being like, “Great. Lets recycle the whole Scoob and Shag friendship as a central narrative. Not like they’ve done that a million times before.” And then next thing you know, they’re on the Falcon Fury and I was so not excited. That was two plot-lines they’ve played with before and I can’t remember the last time anyone cared about the Blue Falcon. It’s one of the weaker movies and nobody talks about that one episode of MI that he’s in.

But again, I was going to let it slide because it’s still possible to create a good story out of something recycled.

The movie opens up with them when they were kids and I was already bummed because this movie is taking place in present times and not the 70′s or the 80′s. They allude to the fact that Shaggy enjoys stuff from that time period (while he’s scrolling through a smartphone) but that’s not the same. This concept bugged me for the rest of the movie because the majority of scenes where the gang is solving something they just Google it and the the scene is over. As opposed to it taking place before the internet and writers would have to get creative. And while I love the gang as kids because when it’s done in the show they have so much charm and life the beginning scenes are kinda pointless and don’t establish anything major. I think they were trying to show that the gang have been really close since they were little but it doesn’t come off that way. Not to mention the whole scene with the gang together feels really stiff and I was salty that Shaggy wasn’t wearing a Commander Cool costume instead of his Blue Falcon outfit.

At this point I was waiting for the character conflict to be introduced because that’s a key convention in every Scooby movie. There’s always a man in a mask to chase but that’s not where the story comes together. The story comes from some sort internal conflict within the characters.

The phantom dinosaurs in Legend of the Phantosaur are awesome but that’s not what the movie is about. It’s about Shaggy overcoming his own internal hurdles.

That’s been a consistent pattern in the best of the Scooby films (even all four of the live action ones do this) and I was waiting for it to be identified. And then next thing I know we’re twenty minutes into the movie and I’m not sure what it’s even about. The scene where the gang talk about wanting to become a legitimate business happens so fast and it took me like five minutes to be like, “Wait is this our conflict?” A fight between the gang about Shaggy and Scooby’s usefulness to the cause? (Which is also a recycled plot but whatever.) Their fight happens so fast and isn’t taken all that seriously so Shag and Scoob’s anger seems more played for a laugh than anything else.

But then they cut to the bowling alley and the two of them seem genuinely upset. And I can’t help but think if you had let the earlier scene escalate into an actual argument that I would have bought the hurt feelings. But then none of it matters because Shag and Scoob are immediately attacked and rescued by the Blue Falcon and someone’s OC. And when the rest of the gang find out they instantly feel bad and so I guess the tension between the gang wasn’t supposed to be the central conflict.

Now it’s back to being about Shaggy and Scooby and their millionth time being the chosen one.

Shaggy becomes pretty upset because Scooby is getting into the whole superhero thing and isn’t giving Shag a second thought. But the thing is, none of this was built up. The villain and Simon Cowell tell Shag he isn’t special and both of those times aren’t even remotely emotional. They briefly mention that Shag has some self confidence issues and that turns into him getting mad at Scooby for taking off his collar and playing hero. Ignoring the fact that this is not in character at all it’s clear that the story is now forcing conflict because we’re 45 minutes into the movie and all we’ve done is slapstick.

Shaggy and Scooby’s falling out is ridiculous because they’ve only been mad at each other for like ten minutes of the whole movie so there aren’t any stakes at all. You know they’re gonna make up because this fight came out of nowhere and wasn’t built up at all. Shag and the gang reuniting isn’t emotional at all and Shaggy breaking up the fight could have been so much better if it was just done better.

And that’s how this whole movie is, this plot had the potential to be great scenes could have gotten something from me but nothing is built up and it can’t stay consistent.

By the final battle of the film we’ve only had two things resembling character arcs in Shag and the Blue Falcon and neither of them have any weight. The movie tells us what we already know, that Shaggy is indeed useful to the gang and I just want this movie to be over.

And I guess because they wanna tug on your heartstrings the writers threw in a little self-sacrifice. And I’m not against that at all I think that’s a good resolution to the arc they were trying to give Shaggy but the thing is there’s no stakes or tension in the scene. It just happens and we’re meant to be sad about it but I can’t because nobody else in the scene seems to think it’s all that depressing besides Scooby. And like two minutes later the conflict is resolved and we get our obligatory dance party at the end. 

That whole thing is not a story, nothing is really accomplished by the end and nobody has really gone anywhere. 

There was no Point A which takes us to Point B which brings us to Point C. This was an insane labyrinth of lines running through as many points as they could and then calling it a day. There was no natural progression and none of the conflicts presented even mattered because they were immediately resolved anyway. That makes sense for a TV show but this is a feature length film. I honestly could not believe they were going to release that in theaters because there is no way it’s worth the money. 

It was so devoid of the Scooby-Doo charm and this movie felt more lifeless than anything I’ve watched in a long time.

#2: The movie does a bad job of portraying the gang’s friendship.

One of the fandom’s favorite parts of the Scooby-Doo franchise is the friendship between the gang and the way their characters interact.

But in this movie they behave more like coworkers than anything else. They try to play up the gang feeling guilty and missing the guys but it’s really not convincing. And it’s clear that the fight was more or less to contribute to Velma, Daphne and Fred’s story rather than the whole gang. They spend most of their scenes talking about the mystery or what Shaggy and Scooby would be doing if they were there. The one time in the movie where I can buy them being best friends is when we watch that accidentally took a video instead of a selfie. I thought that was really cute and showed the gang’s dynamic effectively.

The end of the movie where Shaggy is supposedly sealed in the Underworld forever is so underwhelming because Scooby is the only one reacting. Like that’s supposed to be their best friend of ten years who they don’t think they’ll ever see again and they barely bat an eyelash until they go to comfort Scooby.

My first thought was, “There is no way the gang would just let Shaggy sacrifice himself.” And I kept wondering why no one else was trying to stop him or hold him back. 

It’s annoying because I like when the whole gang’s relationship a key part of the plot rather than just Shaggy and Scooby + the other three who are also here.

#3: The villain and the Blue Falcon are pointless.

You could have taken Brian and Dick Dastardly out of the movie and replaced them with anyone and the movie would not have changed at all.

The Blue Falcon squad add nothing to the story and are mainly just there for ......nostalgia I guess??? But nobody even remembers the Blue Falcon??? 

The scenes with Dastardly are easily the worst parts because he’s just a copy-paste villain who sometimes says semi relatable things and it’s meant to be hilarious. His whole plan to open the Underworld just to get his dog back could have been interesting but obviously it wasn’t because nothing is properly built up in this movie.

Their first mistake was immediately revealing who their villain was right off the bat. I won’t be salty that they used actual supernatural forces because Scooby has done that plenty of times. I am salty that they just up and tell you who the puppetmaster is without any goal at anonymity which just goes against everything Scooby is about.

And they’ve done this multiple times. Whenever real supernatural forces are brought into the mix that does change anything because the forces are almost always being controlled by a man in a mask. This sticks to the Scooby belief that the real evil in our world comes from man and not fictional monsters.

#4: This movie’s presentation is not good.

I will quickly say that I actually liked Shaggy’s design in the movie even though Mod Silas already drew Shag with a long sleeve under his shirt and I think that’s a lot better looking. Whatever, I thought he was cute.

I was talking about how stiff the opening scenes felt, well the whole movie looks pretty stiff as well. 

The character designs are distracting (every girl in this movie with their hair down looks like they’re just wearing a wig it looks so bad I don’t understand hair hasn’t looked back in animation for like a decade) and the animation is pretty sloppy. The directing and camera movements also don’t make any half the time and only make everything more jarring. I have nothing against CG animation but I feel like this movie was trying to be 2D in a 3D space and and was just not working out.

Also the voice acting in the movie is really not good. Like idk how this movie managed to get a bad performance out of these pretty renowned actors but none of them sound like they wanna be there or even really care. Which is funny because if they had kept the original cast you know they would have given it 110% since they actually have passion playing these roles. If the performances were actually good I feel like I would have enjoyed the movie a little more.

They also play some standard pop songs and that confused me because they literally played the original theme song at the beginning. Like you guys have the What’s New theme which everyone loves, a plethora of other theme songs, and two Hex Girls songs you could have played. 

When the dance party at the end happens Mod Silas pointed out that it was a wasted opportunity because instead of having the Blue Falcon be a DJ they could have just brought in the Hex Girls or Simple Plan.

But they didn’t do that and I honestly wonder if the people who made this movie care about Scooby-Doo at all.

#5: The things that I actually liked.

Again, I liked that scene where they do that cute selfie thing, I thought was adorable and accurately showed their dynamic.

I also liked that Daphne was the one to point out what Shag and Scoob contribute to the team because I’m biased.

When they address that Shag and Scoob are they ones that make sure the gang is eating I like that, I thought it was very in character and made a lot of sense.

I like when Captain Caveman showed up for literally no reason and was voiced by Tracy Morgan. Simply because it was so dumb I had to laugh.

I like the gang’s group hugs because those always showcase how tall Shag is compared to everyone and they all deserve a hug.

Any of the lines Fred said because they were the majority of the actually funny jokes in the movie.

The scene where Shag, Scoob and Daph are split off and she keeps getting her spare Scooby Snacks stolen by Scooby. I just love that trio for obvious reasons and it was the only part of the movie where I felt happy.

At the end when Shaggy yells at the gang and tells them what to do because I just always like it when he does that, it always throws the rest of the gang off and it’s funny.

The scene where they unmask Dastardly and it’s Simon Cowell and then they unmask Cowell and it’s Dastardly again. Like the smartest joke the movie had.

The Hex Girls poster at the carnival because it tricked me into thinking we’d see them at some point.

I liked DynoMutt, I though his design was cool and he got the other half of the actually funny jokes.

When Blue Falcon does that phone gag and is all like, “Adventure is calling!!” And the scene is supposed to be exciting but then Shag immediately is like, “No thanks.” I thought that was in character and pretty funny before being taken back because conflicts are resolved instantly in this movie.

Conclusion:

When you’re passionate with something as underground as Scooby-Doo you find yourself getting very protective of the legacy it leaves behind.

Granted this franchise has always had some black marks on it’s record but that’s to be expected since it’s a 50 year-old series.

Scoob was going to bring Scooby-Doo back into the limelight after such a long time remaining on CN or Boomerang respectively. And was just so devoid of the passion that even MI had, it felt like more of a cash grab than anything else. And it bums me out because there are so many good things that we could have gotten from an animated theatrical release.

But instead we got an hour and forty-five minutes of nothing and that isn’t what Scooby deserves at all. I can only hope that someone will want to try again and this time, they’ll actually care.

(Feel free to share your own thoughts on the movie and maybe discuss point I made that you agree/disagree with.)

[szopenhauer]

Do you believe in any conspiracy theories? some

What trends do you refuse to give in to? basically all of them What types of perfume/cologne do you like on your preferred sex? none How do you get rid of anxiety? wish I knew! Are you a more of a homebody, or someone who’s always out with friends? homebody Are you materialistic? been told - in a sentimental way, not rich way Would you consider yourself open-minded? no Is there anything in your life right now that needs fixing? my body/mind Would you say that the simple things in life make you happy? they make me smile, I enjoy them Do you come up with your own words or sayings often? yes What’s the first thing you think of when I say ‘pearl necklace’?

Gummi worms: Yay or nay? nay What do you do when you have ‘me time’? why after the question before it sounds so... ekhem... What’s your opinion on Weird Al Yankovic? I liked his SW song Have you ever met someone online that you wanted to meet in real life? yup and met but only one person When was the last time you entertained yourself with shadow puppets?  not that long time ago tbh as I like to do that randomly :D

What do you think S.H.C. stands for? school lmfao

Have you ever heard of Salad Fingers? mhm *I like rusty spoons

How do you feel about oldies (50’s-70’s) music? depends on the song

Ford or Dodge?  Ford What’s your favorite element: fire, earth, wind or water? I think that most spectacular, in a movie/book, is fire, then wind, earth is most lame but I still dislike water, when it comes to real life then eart would be most interesting instead hahaha but I’m either wind or earth probably 

Do you visit craft/hobby stores often? nope

How do you feel about spiked collars?  cool

What’s keeping you from going after the person you like? I’ve been writing about it plenty of times...

Who/what brings out the best in you? depends on your definition of “best”

Have you ever watched or read A Clockwork Orange? no and don’t want/plan to

How do you feel about plastic pink flamingos? love

Do you like your ice cream super frozen or somewhat melted? in between

Fill in the blanks: I wish _____ knew _____. I wish I knew what’s wrong with me and how to fix it. I wish I knew what’s good and bad and what I should do. I wish I knew who I am and what I want/need. 

Do you enjoy playing with magnets? :3 I collect them but don’t play with magnets 

How do you handle an awkward moment? depends

The Beatles: totally amazing or horribly overrated? overrated

Have you ever felt like you belonged in a different century? not really

Pretend you just saw a shooting star. What do you wish for? health *not that it will work

Was your first phone a flip phone? nope What is an old website that closed down that you miss? polyvore forever <3 Do you listen to Grace VanderWaal? If yes, what’s your favorite song of hers? I know/like one of her songs - I don’t like you What is the grossest thing you have ever vomited up? everything about puking is disgusting so... If you had had a baby in high school, what would you have named him or her? omg...

Are you foreign-born? I was born and live in Poland Do you drink coffee with your breakfast? I don’t drink coffee at all

Did you know that dolphins & whales are mammals?  I did Are all of your grandparents still alive? no

do you need to take a smoke break? I don’t smoke honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? I won’t be a parent :P what kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? uh... have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? been tutored would you rather wear necklaces, bracelets, rings, or earrings? hmm... is everything you have on actually yours? sure when was the last time you wore a band-aid and why? wbiłam sobie metalowy drut w palec what would you do if you discovered that you had a 7 year old kid? ... how? moon sand or play doh? Playdoh do you honestly believe that someone will waste their time reading this? I know she will pfft what’s something you need to get done soon? don’t remind me... your grandparents just died in a plane crash, what are you doing? sit confused as why would they be in a plane in the first place? :o if i came to your house, could i find any kind of chocolate? ask my mother do your parents allow smoking in your house? hell no last person you left a voicemail for? I don’t like voicemails what is the last thing you charged? cellphone have you ever held a snake? I wanna describe to me the nearest stuffed animal to you. there’s shitload of those around me do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? neither zebrah print, cheetah print, cow print, polka dots, or stripes? stripes would you rather go to a beach, and amusement park, or a water park? beach or amusement park, definitely not water park

Have you ever thought about becoming a crime scene investigator? yep

If I asked around, would people say you’re an actually good friend? doubt it

Where are your siblings at right now, if you have any? most likely her apartment

Do people say you complain too much? I know I do, sorry not sorry?

Have you ever considered changing your sexual orientation? there was a moment

Do you miss any of your past best friends? kinda

Have you graduated high school yet? If so, what color were your cap and gown? we didn’t have caps and gowns

Does your significant other complain about the way you dress? does she? XD

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? would say so

What would you do if a stranger smacked your ass and whistled? dunno

Do you understand the game of Monopoly? why not

Do you ever make fun of short people? I’m short...

Would you say you’re reliable to be a good babysitter? I don’t like kids

Do you feel replaced in any way at all right now? when my dad plays with my niece :( also when I see/hear about my ex friends and exes in general?

Do you think it’s actually possible to have a ‘beautiful nightmare?’ yes

Have you ever held an intervention for someone before? I don’t want to participate in such a thing 

Do you ever blame your problems on someone else? only if they’re at blame

As a child, were you ever made fun of? What about right now? I’ve been bullied my whole life

Are you more of an open, optomistic person or lonely and pessimistic? loner* and pessimistic but I’m also quite open about who I am, because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I’m shy

What is the last thing you tried on in a store? not sure what was last

When did you realize you are no longer a child? this question makes me sad Is sleeping naked more comfortable then in clothes? no idea Are you comfortable enough around your friends to change in front of them? I don’t care most of the time anymore tbh Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone? smth more more often than just kissing which is weird Do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship? depends Have you ever accidentally stepped on a cat tail? possibly

Did you know that when a worm is cut in two both pieces grow again and continue living? been told Do veggies gross you out? why Have you ever dated someone in secret? :x Do you bring pillows and blankets on road trips? nope Does walking by yourself make you nervous? might When dog’s bark, do you think it actually sounds like ‘ruff’? no What about when cows moo? yup Do you kiss your pets? yuk Have you ever forgotten where you parked your car? I don’t drive Does your leg itch right now? not rn Would you rather marry someone repulsive or be alone forever? be alone When is the last time you saw a monkey on TV? I don’t watch TV Would you be sad if you were 50 and still not married? nope Is it dark out yet? mhm Do hugs help when you’re sad? sometimes Do you buy more things online or in stores? stores Do online dating sites ever work? not for me

Do you find kite flying boring? if for a long time Have you ever released a paper lantern? I’d like to 

Do you ever listen to Jpop? not anymore What is the best summer camp you have ever been to? been to two and both had good and bad sides  Is your bed next to a window? it’s not 

Have you ever ran a cash register? I have

Does anyone appreciate your talents? what talents? Do you ever write letters and send them through the mail? used to Have you ever had an allergy test at the doctor���s? even recently

Skeletons or scarecrows? scarecrows

Do you own pumpkin earrings? - Have you ever walked through a haunted house? no thx Have you ever asked someone to be your Valentine? and they laughed at me?...

Do you like the name Ellery? sounds like Celery so no

Do you find cemeteries pretty? yeah Does your phone screen freeze a lot? could say so

Do you tend to wear the color blue the most? as a kid Did you kiss anyone on New Years? never Who did you spend your last velentine’s day with? by myself

Is there anything plugged to your computer? two pendrives and powerbank Anyone ever got you something while you were with them without you knowing? sort of Are you more of the indie or mainstream type? indie Where is your favorite place to be massaged? I don’t receive massages When did you last speak with your grandparents? years ago Don’t you hate it when something limits the amount you can type/write? very Do you live where there are a lot of cows? nope Have you ever went an entire day without looking at yourself in the mirror? as a person who avoids mirrors... Do you like the colors purple and orange together? depends? Honestly, do you smell nice at the moment? do I ever? my partner tells me I do but I’ve been told I stink several times before

[dailyaudiobible]

04/28/2020 DAB Transcript

Today is the 28th day of April welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it’s great to be here with you today. Wow…just a couple more days left in this month. What an interesting month it has been. So, let's take the next step forward in the Scriptures. And today we will…well…we will continue the story of Gideon one of the judges of Israel and we’re reading from the book of Judges. So, this week we’re reading from the Common English Bible. Today Judges chapter 8 verse 18 through 9 verse 21.

Commentary:

Okay. So, I guess…I guess if there was like some sort of theme that would emerge from today's reading, it’s gotta be injustice. So, we concluded the story of Gideon the judge today and the way the story ends gives us significant clues into the times of the judges, like how things had become in Israel, how tribal it had become and disunified things had become. So, after this triumph over the Midianites they want Gideon to be their king, their supreme leader. He doesn't want it, doesn't want it for his family. He basically knows how it goes with Kings and trying to hold onto power at this time in the world. And, so, while Gideon is the judge for 40 more years than there’s peace around the land and soon as He dies then everyone begins to go back to worshiping Baal again. I mean Gideon had a big family, 70 sons. And one of his sons was a son from a concubine in Shechem. His name was Abimelech who was like basically, “you know, if my dad didn’t want to be king, I do.” Like, “and do you want 70 judges now. Gideon's dead. You want 70 judges, or do you want one king?” And the result is that all of Abimelech's brothers are murdered so that Abimelech has this claim. Like, you see how barbaric of a time this is.

But we can move forward a thousand years as we flip to the book of Luke and see that barbarity still exists because we’re seeing Jesus hanging from a cross, which is a very barbaric way to be executed, giving His life in so many ways to put an end that. And, you know, barbaric things still exist in our world today as we well know. So, just in today's reading along, we can look back thousands of years and see the state of mankind and zoom all the way through the New Testament and then get all the way to where we are today and see that the struggles just look different. They’re still heart issues. They’re still the problems that have always existed when we try to do life separate from God. So, whether it be from the Old Testament or the New Testament or from yesterday, when we drift, when we walk away and we turn to false comforters and walk the path that leads us away from the narrow path, then destruction does come, which is what Bible says. But…but Jesus removed the separation allowing us to unite with God. If there was ever a time for us to…like…for that to finally catch flame within us it's now.

Prayer:

Father, we invite you into that. We keep trying to trust you until what we see seems as if it's going in a different direction and so we take the reins back and trust ourselves when you are often counterintuitive. You often force us into a place of faith because it is perhaps like the most important…I don’t know…muscle that we need to be able to live in this world. And yet it’s the one we’re not continually exercising. It gets use when there’s no other choice. You're inviting us to flip that around and understand that faith is what leads us forward, our complete and utter trust in you for all things knowing that you are the author and finisher of our faith, that you are the author and finisher of our lives, and our lives with you never end. And, so, we get so obsessed about momentary things when there is forever together with you. Help us to have the eyes of faith today we ask in the name of Jesus our Savior. Amen.

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There is another update to the app to the most recent additions which were a couple weeks ago, major update to the app. And, so, after week one, we kind of had sort of a game plan. I mean, when you release something, there's always gonna be something that goes wrong and like maybe 20% of people were experiencing some certain kinds of issues. So then dividing that in half got us another version out last week. And now there is another version, which is 1.1.70. And that should pretty much take care of just about all of the problems that we’ve seen crop up, some of those little pesky things like certain days not appearing or that kind of thing. Looks like we’ve got these issues mostly ironed out, which is pretty remarkable based on how much new technology was put into that last major update. So, yup, if you haven’t updated yet, update to the latest version of the app as we continue to grow and expand together.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you. That's how any of this is even happening. It's how there even is an app to update, that’s how there even is a website to go to, that's how there is…even is a Prayer Wall like, that we have been in this together for these years, day by day, step-by-step, just being faithful. And, so, thank you…thank you for your partnership. We wouldn’t be here if we weren't in this together. So, there's a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you're using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

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And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

My DAB Family this is __ in __ Africa and I’m just phoning in to thank everyone who prayed today and just shared. It’s Friday the 24th of April. It touched my heart so, so much. This community is so authentic and so special because I personally don’t find this authenticity in churches. We are all so busy almost just walking around with a mask on and not…not being our true selves and not showing our brokenness and this community allows us to…to feel vulnerable and to phone in to…to share our hearts and that is that is real and that’s authentic, that is…it’s beautiful and I want to thank each and every one of you. I want to thank especially Saria. Thank you so much for phoning in. I’m so proud of you. You said you were proud of Brian and China. I’m proud of you that you’re listening to DAB at such a young age. You said your 10 ½. I think it’s so amazing and God loves you and I just want to encourage you to continue listening. It was so wonderful to hear your voice and just, yeah, I love you and just take care of yourself and…and stay in God’s word. And just thank you again Brian and the whole Hardin family. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your faithfulness and doing this every day. You’re helping people in ways you can even begin to imagine. I just thank you so much and God bless all of you.

Good afternoon family it is Friday the 24th of April and it is the first day of Ramadan. So, yeah, let’s pray. Father God thank You so much that we can come together and pray for…and pray for all things but to pray for Muslims, that we can be united to this, that we are the body of Christ and that we be brought together in unity so that the world will know the love of Christ because of how it’s displayed in us. Father God, thank You for all of the Muslims who have relationships with Christians whether they be neighbors, friends, work colleagues. Thank You, Lord that those links exist, and I pray You’ll be helping us to be shining examples of You. Help us to be good ambassadors, help us to display Your love and so that Muslims would be able to see Jesus in us and be curious and want to know more. And Father God thank You that Jesus Esa is an important figure to Muslims. And we pray Lord that they know to experience a revelation of Jesus during this time of prayer and fasting, that they would come to know who Esa really is and that they can have a relationship with Him. Father God we pray Your protection over Muslims who are celebrating Ramadan at this time. I pray Lord You’d be giving them wisdom as they might have to celebrate it a bit differently than normal in the current crisis. In Jesus’ holy and precious name…

Good afternoon Daily Audio Bible this is Tracy Baker calling out of Arlington Texas. Blessed be, Blessed be. I know we’re in strange times right now with this COVID virus but fear not, fear not. God has just given us a little time out. I know a lot of us don’t understand what…what or why this is going on but it’s not for us to understand. Trust him. He’s got this. You know, like I said, a little time out. Give us time to take a breath, get back to the basics. So, it’s…it’s…it’s rough, don’t get me wrong. It’s rough. I can’t get out to play tennis like I want to but I’m fine, I’m happy, I’m…I’m…I’m blessed to be here, you know, as it is. But I called in. I haven’t called in a while and my bad, but I am listening every day. I don’t know if I could live without this thing. Brian, where was this 20, 40, 50 years ago? Do you know how much a difference this could be made…have made in people’s lives, if I could have had this 20 years ago? For those of you young people, you guys are blessed to be a part of this. This will make a life changing difference in your life. Real quick the sister who called on the 20th, oh, oh, oh, oh I love you for that. You’re in…you’re in pain but what you’re doing helps others and God’s got you. So, fear not. Love you all.

Hello Daily Audio Bible family this is Rebecca Joy from Illinois calling for the first time ever due to God’s prompting in my heart, which I cannot ignore any longer. I have been a listener of Daily Audio Bible ever since I was a kid, but this is the first year that I decided to go to the whole Bible on my own accord. And so far, I’ve been keeping it up. I decided to call and because of the prompting of three different women. The first one was a woman from the 20th of April who called in suffering from extreme emotional distress. The second is from today’s reading, Mother Lioness with her two daughters that she is struggling with, and finally another woman who called in from Florida just breathlessly asking for prayer. And…oh man I…I need a…I just needed to call in. So, dear God, I am no stranger to emotional distress whether it be anxiety, depression, anything…just fear in general and I can tell that all of these women are in such fear right now and it can be such a lonely thing to be in. But I pray that You would just lay Your hands on them and that they would know…they would know that they don’t have to be strong enough. Everything that You offer to them is right there and You are strong enough. I pray for the woman in emotional turmoil, that she would find peace, that she would hold on. I pray for Mother Lioness, that she would know that You have her daughters in Your hands. You have a good plan even though she can see it right now. And I pray for that woman in Florida. I pray whatever she needs let her be with You. Be blessed.

Hey Daily Audio Bible family, To Be A Blessing in California. Hope this finds everyone doing well. I am in the process of waiting to see what a new work organizational chart is going to look like and am trying not to project my fears on my position being demoted or eliminated. The whole organization is going through a process of looking at what it’s going to be like in the future. So, it brings up all kinds of old stuff. But I don’t want old stuff to get in the way. I wanted to throw myself on the floor and have a temper tantrum. And God is sweetly singing, God will take care of you in my mind. And, so, I know that that will take place, and He is. He always has. So, I need prayer to just be more than being an adult about this because the temper tantrum to being an adult, that just masks pouting and upset inside. I’d like to have Jesus show up in the meeting and in the midst of coronavirus and all that everyone is going through, you know, I’m just…my heart breaks for people. It might be you who’s listening who has lost a job or a family member or you’re sick yourself. So, know I’m praying for you and know that I thank you for your prayers.

This is Caribbean Joy saying hi to you from the dark side of the tiny, tiny island of St. Martin in the Caribbean. I have been a listener for many years and have encouraged many others to listen as well. One of my greatest joys is to learn that family and friends have become listeners as well and that they are enjoying it. I have also encouraged people in different languages, for example I have a chat group that is called friends of DAB and that is…those are my English friends, and I’ve also encouraged friends to listen in the Spanish language and also in French. __ [speaking Spanish] I’d also like to give a shout out to one of my special, special encouragers here on DAB which is Victoria Soldier. I love to listen to you, and you are really an encourager. May God continue to bless you. Thank you Brian and I guess I have to say goodbye now. Bye-bye until the next time.

[rorywinslowpatch]

My Story of COVID-19

We all have difficult days, weeks, months, even years. Keeping it simple, I can say my family and I had our fair share of hardships in 2019. My husband and I went into 2020 with hope that it could only go up from here. January and February were off to a good start. I was happy with my job and all the opportunities it was presenting to me. Life was finally going our way.

In early March, I was invited to attend a client event in Vail, Colorado. During this time, COVID-19 was a concern but there had only been a handful of cases confirmed in the United States. I had just returned from a conference in Miami, shaking hands with people from all around the world and thought, “If I didn’t get it there, I should feel safe going on this trip”. So, I went. I met some of the most genuine and intelligent people I’ve ever come across. Walking away from that event I knew I had friends I could call when I visited Philadelphia, DC, California, Florida, New York, even Brazil. It was truly the trip of a lifetime and I’ll always be thankful for such an incredible opportunity.

The week of March 9th. I had returned from Vail that Sunday and was back in the office on Monday. I was still exhausted from the amazing long weekend, sharing stories with my manager who had also attended the trip. It was about 4:00pm when I felt ‘off’. I remember explaining to my manager that I felt weird and my throat was sore when I had woken up and continued throughout the day. I asked if she minded if I left early to get some rest and come back ready to tackle it on Tuesday. Tuesday morning came and I still had this strange sore throat, it’s hard to explain, but I didn’t recognize this pain. I started to self-diagnose myself thinking…maybe its strep, allergies, weather change? I looked in my throat and saw some white spots so figured it was some sort of infection. I took a sick day and went over to Urgent Care. Reminder, COVID-19 had not hit the United States as hard as it had internationally. I walked in and felt immediately uncomfortable. It was packed and every single person was wearing a mask. I walked up to sign in and immediately took note to everything I touched – the counter, the pen, the paper work. After I was signed in the nurse let me know it would be about 2 hours, she wasn’t wrong. I struggled to find a spot to sit while keeping a fair distance from the other coughing patients. As I sat there I remember listing out the COVID-19 symptoms in my head to make myself feel safe – fever (nope), cough (not really), shortness of breath (nope), nausea (maybe it was a very long hangover from the trip?). I even got joking texts from my coworkers – “make sure you don’t have the rona”. As my mind spun out of control, I finally heard my name called. We do a strep test, negative. We then do a strep culture (I guess it’s more accurate), negative. The doctor said I definitely have Tonsilitis which is an infection in your throat from a virus, can be any virus. I asked the doctor if he thinks it could be the COVID-19 virus. His response, “No, because you haven’t left the United States”. Feww, I felt a sense of relief. He prescribed some antibiotics and I was on my way. On Wednesday I woke up with the same sore throat with an additional symptom, fatigue. I slept from 9pm on Tuesday to 10pm on Wednesday and then 11pm on Wednesday to 7am on Thursday. In the last two days I had slept 33 hours with brief moments to go to the bathroom and drink water. When I woke up on Thursday, I felt rested and my sore throat had gone away so I figured it was some sort of infection I had fought off and was on the mend. I went to work as we had our CRO in town and wanted to at least show my face. We had a happy hour after work for a colleagues work anniversary. As I walked into the bar I was told someone from the Vail trip had tested positive for COVID-19. I remember the gut wrenching feeling and the amount of exhaustion that suddenly flooded my body. I immediately panicked and called my sister in-law crying on the curb outside. She was trying to calm me down and said to just call the Urgent Care back that I had visited a couple days earlier and see if they knew where I could get tested. There, began the downward spiral of searching for information – WHERE COULD SOMEONE POSSIBLY GET TESTED. At the time, we didn’t have the testing resources we have now. Every new number I was given gave me another number to call, which resulted in a lot of frustration and worry as my symptoms got worse. I remember crying to my husband with the panic and unknown of COVID-19. I slowly learned no one had access to the test unless you walked into a select few hospitals in Georgia. I called around and found one that did, Emory Saint Joseph’s Hospital. On Friday, I walked right up to the front desk and said nervously, “I came in contact with someone that tested positive for COVID-19 and I have some of the symptoms.” She immediately told me to back up 3-steps and to wait for my blue suit. I was then asked to sit on a separate side of the waiting room as they moved others farther away from me. You could tell everyone was thinking the same thing. Maybe 2 minutes later they escorted me to a room by myself where the nurse asked me questions through a window – I verbally had to give my social security, insurance, and physical address. I spent the next 6 hours in the room having various tests done. First, they had to test me for the flu to rule it out (negative). They then performed two tests for COVID-19 - one swab in the nose and one in the throat. They then had to x-ray my chest to make sure I wasn’t developing pneumonia. Each time someone came into the room they had a very thorough process: sanitize their hands, put on a new blue suit, 2 layers of gloves, sanitize again, a medical mask, glasses, the plastic face shield. There were roughly 30 minutes in between each test and during that time many nurses would walk by my room labeled with a big red paper and black X, marking it was for a COVID-19 patient. As if, I didn’t feel like an alien already. I will say the doctors and nurses at Emory Saint Joseph’s Hospital made me feel as comfortable as they possibly could and were amazing describing each step of the process. As I left the room the doctor goes, “You’ll get a call in about 3-5 days with the results, but I doubt you test positive”. It was 12 days. During those 12 days of waiting, I found myself gaining more symptoms, which then came more anxiety and fear. I wrote down my symptoms each day in case the doctors needed me to recall anything. I kept all of these in my notepad on my phone, but I’ll save everyone some time and skip the details.

As the days went on more people from the trip were getting positive results. I think the actual ratio ended up being 70% of the people on the trip. During those 12 days, every moment was different. One day you feel worse than the day before and then the next you feel like you’re finally making progress. With those new symptoms, came defeat. It wasn’t until day 5 (after being tested) that my deep chest cough developed. I had some ‘dry cough’ on the first couple days, but nothing like this. It took 3 days to finally get a doctor to prescribe an inhaler without seeing me in person. They also sent over what I call ‘the miracle drug’, Tessalon Perles also known as Benzonatate. It was the tiniest pill I had ever seen. I immediately called my mom (which I was doing probably twice a day at this point) to see what it was. She encouraged me to take them as it would help with the coughing fits. IT WORKED, after 2 days of taking it the fits had subsided and I was slowly starting to have ‘proactive coughs’. Over the next few days I took a combination the ‘miracle drug’, mucinex-D, elderberry syrup, and a liter of water. As the coughing subsided, another symptom returned, fatigue. This wasn’t like the tiredness I was feeling before but more exhaustion. The smallest tasks were completely wiping me out – the dishes, vacuuming, folding laundry, etc.

March 18th. I remember this moment as if it was yesterday. If you aren’t someone that is open to faith, stop here.

I was having one of my defeated days and couldn’t see the light at the end. My husband was out on the porch talking to his mom. I felt the need to clear my head but couldn’t walk more than 10 minutes without having to take a break so I decided to drive around instead. I was driving down one of my favorite roads in Atlanta, bopping my head to the music because I didn’t have the lung capacity to sing along. Realizing why I wasn’t singing, I started to cry. I pulled over in one of the neighborhoods and completely let it out. I was crying, snot everywhere, and of course I couldn’t find those stupid napkins you are supposed to leave in your glovebox. I took a moment to settle my breath and started to talk. At the time, I want to think I knew Who I was speaking to. I had just started to go to church about 8 months ago for the first time in my life. To be fair, I was still skeptic but open to the idea of a higher power. I started rambling in my car at the end of some random person’s driveway. I was saying it all – how scared I was, the unknown, the lack of control, frustration of not having my results, worry of job security, everything came out. Then, all of a sudden, I found myself praying for the first time. I prayed for guidance..support…anything that would give me some sort of relief. I looked at the time and realized I had been talking to myself for over an hour. I started up the car and made my way back to our place. I walked in and my husband asked where I had been but only shared that I had taken a drive to clear my head. The next few days I wasn’t feeling any new symptoms just the constant struggle to breathe normally and exhaustion with simple tasks. Tuesday morning I got the call. It rang and I knew what they were about to tell me. At this point, I was out of the woods and whatever the results were, I had overcome the worst of it. It was positive.

Jump to a few weeks later. Georgia slowly started opening up but we still weren’t back in our offices. I had done some research and heard about how intravascular plasma was saving patients that were severely ill with COVID-19. Atlanta Blood Services was a local platelet donation center that opening their seats to recovered COVID-19 patients to donate their plasma. I immediately signed up and they got me in 2 days later. They had a round of questions and tests they needed to do before I could donate. I sat down with the research technician and they walked me through the questions – how did you get it, date of last symptom, etc. They then tested me again for COVID-19 to make sure I wasn’t still contagious, it came back negative. They then took a sample of blood from my left arm to test for the antibodies, which came back positive. They then guided me to the donation chair and I sat there for about 2 hours. I couldn’t help but watch the tubes take the blood out of my arm, recycle it inside this very noisy machine, push this yellow type liquid into these bags hanging above my chair (the plasma), and then the machine pushes the red blood back into my body. It was truly amazing seeing what medicine was doing to defeat this pandemic. I continue to go back every two weeks to donate my plasma.  

Now, fully recovered, I look back and am thankful this happened to me. I am thankful I didn’t develop phenomena. I am thankful of the person I found within myself. I am thankful I found my faith when I needed it the most. The world has a funny way of making you realize your purpose on earth. COVID-19 led me to my faith, which allowed me to see what I want my future to be. I wake up every day with a positive attitude, thankful to see what the future has in store for me, striving to have an open mind and heart. I found myself with the wrong priorities before and made it a goal to push myself to find what I love to do every day – at home and at work. I started this story with the idea that 2020 was worse than 2019. I move forward with 2020 with a new outlook and perspective. I couldn’t be more grateful for where this bumpy road has led me. Thank you, for opening my eyes.

[blackberrywidow]

Suffocating

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Langauge. Mild violence. 

Prompt: “That took my breath away.” “Good. I aim to suffocate.” 

Summary: Agent James Barnes has dedicated his life to tracking down psychopaths and serial killers and putting them behind bars, but when a possibly psychopathic, definitely beautiful assassin asks for his help, how can he say no?

A/N: This prompt was requested by @blackwidws several months ago (and was based on an actual conversation we had), but I just now managed to finish it. It is also loosely based on Killing Eve, so there’s that. Enjoy!

Bucky had been through… well, several tough situations during his career as CIA agent.

He had been captured by the Russians two years ago—tortured and maimed, ending with the acquisition of a shiny, state of the art prosthetic arm, courtesy of Tony Stark.

Then there was the issue with Zemo’s attack on the CIA itself, which hinged greatly upon his framing of Bucky as the bomber that was targeting CIA operatives and their families.

And of course, there were countless other instances where Steve dragged him into trouble, both during their adolescence, during their time in Afghanistan, and even now, when Steve was in the FBI.

But never before had Bucky felt this monumentally screwed.

He wasn’t letting that show though. For all she could tell, he got kidnapped by beautiful, potentially psychopathic assassins every day.

He was suave, he was cool, he was in control. And he could only hope that it bothered her—how unbothered he was.

Not that he could tell either way. She was just as cold and unaffected as she stared out the windshield, one hand held firmly on the steering wheel, the other pressing a gun into his side.

Bucky decided that just wouldn’t do. So, he did what he does best: annoy.

“Are we there yet?”

And finally, the mask cracked, though the slight twitching of her cheek would have gone unnoticed by anyone who hadn’t spent the last three hours analyzing her face.

“Does it look like we’re there?” she bites out through gritted teeth, eyes never once leaving the road, despite them being the only car around for miles.

Bucky shrugs, noting how the motion did nothing to dislodge the gun she held to him. Her grip was tight, unyielding; he would be more concerned about that if he thought he would have a chance of escaping even if he could get control of the gun. As it was, they were going down the highway at 70 mph, heading in an undisclosed direction for an unknown amount of time.

“I’d have a better idea if you would tell me where exactly it is we’re going, ma’am.”

There, again. A tick in her jaw so minuscule any normal person would miss it. From someone so controlled, he couldn’t help but wonder if she were doing it consciously.

“One, don’t call me that. Two, I’ll explain everything once we get there. Not a moment sooner.” She spoke clearly, evenly, her Russian accent only serving to make the words seem more authoritative.

If he didn’t have a dominance kink before, he definitely did now.

Which was really inconvenient, considering all of the afore mentioned issues.

“Okay,” Bucky sighs, resting his head back against the headrest in a practiced sign of disinterest. “Fine. I’ll play your game since, clearly, I have no choice. But what am I supposed to call you, considering I don’t even know your name? Or should I just call you The Widow?”

“Don’t call me anything,” she answers easily. “In fact, don’t feel that you have to speak at all.”

Bucky’s lip twitches at that, and he decides that maybe it would be best to heed her warning. He was already fairly fucked as it is. The only thing to do now is play it out and wait for his opening.

.

…

.

It had been a long day, to say the least.

The CIA had been working in tandem with the FBI, which was always a nightmare, even if it did mean he got to work with Steve. But it meant something was wrong, that they were chasing something dangerous.

That something was called The Widow, or at least that’s what the reports said.

A cold-blooded assassin intent on taking out key political figures in a bid to destabilize. To create chaos.

It was unclear who exactly she was working for, though some signs were pointing to Russian intelligence.

Bucky knew it didn’t really matter though; they were all the same in the end. Just another psychopath wreaking havoc on the world.

What he did know was that it was his job to stop her.

It was always his job, tracking down the serial killers and assassins that threatened the country. They all posed their own challenges, but this one involved more late nights and stressful meetings with assholes who didn’t have the slightest clue what they were talking about.

So, as previously mentioned, it had been a long day, and Bucky was ready to go home and sleep for a record-setting 4 hours before dragging his ass back here tomorrow.

At least, that wasthe plan, until he reached his car, only to find a woman with beautiful red hair and sharp green eyes waiting for him.

Bucky’s first thought was, woah, both because he was exhausted, and she really was incredibly attractive. But his second thought was a much more rational, what the fuck does this woman want from me?

His pace slowed, though he didn’t let any other outward signs of caution show. They were in the parking garage of one of the most secure facilities in the world, after all. Though a stranger waiting by his car certainly warranted some hesitation, it was nothing to worry about.

He was, as it would turn out, mistaken.

“Something I can help you with, ma’am?” he asked, taking a page out of Steve’s book and shooting for polite interest.

Her mouth curved up at the corner, forming what Bucky would consider a smile on others, but seemed too… menacing to be called that on her. Her voice was a soft rasp, the accent and grate of it catching him so off guard he almost missed her words.

“No, but there is something I can help you with, James Barnes.”

And maybe it was because there was a spike of adrenaline as he finally realized how monumentally badthis was, or maybe the universe just had an exceptional sense of timing, but that was when he felt it.

He stumbled, catching himself on the trunk of his car, wide eyes staring accusingly up at the woman who had yet to move from the passenger door. “You—did you drug me? When?”

She shrugged, looking wholly unconcerned by the whole thing. “Just a minor sedative slipped into your coffee. It seemed like the safest option. For both of us. Now, I suggest you relax, Agent Barnes. You’ll be more comfortable if you don’t fight it.”

“Oh fuck you,” Bucky managed to growl out before the pavement rushed up to meet him.

.

…

.

“We’re here,” is the only things she says to him before she opens the door, removing the weapon from his side and stepping out of the vehicle.

Bucky blinks once, watches her stride up to a cabin that looks mostly-intact and enter it without looking back, and he blinks again.

It seems like maybe this is some sort of test, or a trap. To leave him unguarded out here, just expecting that he would follow her in.

His options are admittedly limited. He can only guess at their general location based on the signs they passed on the highway, but they had been traveling on back roads for some time now. This cabin is the only notable thing that they had passed in what felt like hours. He could tryto hotwire the car—his own fucking car—but… well, if there was one thing Bucky was good at, it was making terrible decisions.

He follows her in.

He enters cautiously, taking in the rustic wood paneling and the single couch and table that served as furniture for the entire one-room cabin. There are no pictures on the wall, no TV, no phone, nothing but The Widow, sitting silently at the table as she waits for him.

Bucky whistles lowly, and because he’s an idiot, he opens his mouth. “I thought a high-profile assassin such as yourself would be able to afford a nicer place. Maybe even one with a window, or a one of those vacuums that follows you around. This place really looks like it could use a good cleaning,” he noted, only half-joking as he surveyed the dust covered floor and moth-eaten couch.

Her expression doesn’t change. “I don’t live here.”

He waits for her to elaborate, but after another thirty seconds pass by in complete silence, he clears his throat. “Well then, Miss Widow, why are we here?”

She narrows her eyes but doesn’t bother correcting him again. Instead, she reaches into the pocket of her coat—cream-colored, long, elegant, and likely worth more than his car—and pulls out a flash drive, smacking it down on the table and sliding it forward, not once breaking eye contact.

He hesitates only a moment before striding to the table and taking the seat in front of the flash drive. It seems that he made the right choice, because as soon as he picks up the device to examine it, she finally speaks.

“You’ve been looking into an assassin, one that’s been targeting politicians and world leaders across the globe.”

She’s still watching him, and it’s unsettling, but he ignores it and takes the opportunity to watch herthis time. Her face is smooth, expressionless in a way that is clearly practiced. She speaks about the assassin in a way that leads him to believe he was wrong in his assumption that it was her, but… there’s a familiarity there. A connection that goes beyond this flash drive that he holds in his hand. And her eyes, green and hard as stone as they may be, tell him he’s right.

“So you’re not her?” Bucky clarifies, because it really is the most pressing question at the moment. If he’s sitting in a cabin in the woods with the assassin he’s been chasing, it would be nice to know. “You’re not The Widow?”

She hesitates, and her teeth graze her lip, as though she were about to bite it before she caught herself. Not that he was looking at her lips, of course. “I was, once,” she says reluctantly, almost wistfully. “But not anymore. Never again.”

There’s steel in her voice now, and Bucky is having a hard time processing what all of this means, but if he were hard pressed, he’d say he believes her.

“Okay, so I’m gonna need you to tell me where I fit into all of this?” he said, all pretenses of nonchalance dropped as he waved the flash drive at her. “If you’re not the assassin—but used to be one—why am I here? What are you giving me?”

“Everything you want,” the woman says, still betraying nothing. “Information on the organization she works for. Information on her. Enough to bring them all down.”

Bucky cocks an eyebrow, because he’s been a soldier and he’s been a spy and he knows when something is too good to be true. And he knows when he’s being used. “All of that, huh? And I’m just supposed to trust you?”

“Of course you don’t have to trust me,” she shoots back, exasperation creeping into her tone for the first time. “All you have to do is look at the files, and—”

“With what computer?” Bucky cuts her off, looking around with wide eyes, taking in the complete lack of any sort of technology. “And why me? I know you want me to think this is just some gift that’s been dropped in my lap, but I know better than accept it without question. So tell me, sweetheart, why the whole show? Why drag me all the way out here just to give me a flash drive containing information on people you used to work for? ”

Her eyes narrow and her nostrils flare and it’s the largest reaction he’s managed to get out of her, and it doesn’t surprise him at all that it’s anger he’s inspired in her. “Do not call me that,” she seethed, venom lacing her tone in a way that made it clear he had struck a nerve.

Bucky would have felt bad, were it not for the previously stated factors.

So he scoffed, shaking his head. “Oh yeah, be angry about that. It’s not as though you’ve been kind enough to give me your name, even a fake one. Though that seems par for the course, as you haven’t given me any information.”

The apparently-former assassin seemed to be considering that, a glint of something like admiration sparking in her eyes before she nodded, resolute. “You may call me Natasha.”

The name sounded false on her lips, but he didn’t question it, knowing he had larger concerns. “Natasha it is then. Mind telling me the whole story then, as you’ve dragged me all the way out here and we seem to be lacking in any other entertainment?”

And he couldn’t be sure if it were a trick of the light or if it was genuine, but he could have sworn the corner of her mouth twitched up into the semblance of a smile.

But then she started talking, and neither of them felt like smiling any more.

.

…

.

Bucky learned a lot in the following three hours, enough that he felt like he had to reevaluate everything he thought he knew before he had met Natasha.

She had been taken from her family when she was young, sold off to some Russian intelligence organization called The Red Room. It was an experimental endeavor at first—take 28 young girls and train them to be killers. Simple, and apparently very easy if you got to them young enough. If you were cruel enough, manipulative enough.

But perhaps not perfect, because here was Natasha, telling him everything in a bid to ruin their plans.

“We were bought and traded, once we were old enough,” she was explaining, all cool detachment once again. Describing traumatizing events as though they had happened to someone else. “Kill a mob boss who took more than his fair share here. A politician who asked a few too many questions there. But then a different organization, one I’m sure your familiar with, got involved. And things changed.”

“Hydra,” Bucky says, mind flashing back to a winter spent in Russia not that long ago, one that ended with him losing an arm.

She nods, lips thinning almost imperceptibly, and he can tell she’s making a point not to look at the shining metal of his left arm. He doesn’t comment on it, and she continues. “Yes. They wanted to think bigger. They wanted to create chaos where there was peace, completely destabilize countries where there wasn’t. And they had a plan to do it: a list of fifty people that would completely change the world, so long as they were killed in the right way, at the right time.”

“And The Widow, she’s the one they have carrying this mission out?”

“It’s not just one girl,” Natasha corrects, still watching him carefully for a reaction. “We were all called that—it’s the name of the operation that called for our capture. ‘The Black Widow Program.’ This—this murder spree is just the culmination of their life’s work.”

“So why leave?” Bucky asked, leaning forward with narrowed eyes, suddenly too curious to resist any longer. “Why now? Why turn your back on them and sell them out after all this time? We’ve been chasing these women for almost a year now, thinking it was just one assassin, and now you waltz in, kidnap me, and tell me we’ve got it all wrong? I’m gonna need some sort of reasoning before I believe you.”

He tried to sound apologetic—as apologetic as one can sound after having been abducted and forced to hold conversation with woman who grew up murderingpeople anyway—but she didn’t seem to buy it. She did, however, nod in acceptance.

“Alright Agent Barnes, fine. Here’s the truth: I chose to come forward now because I have officially exhausted all my other options. As soon as I realized what they were doing—how far they were taking this—I knew that I couldn’t be a part of the end of the world. So I waited, and I bid my time, until finally I was able to make it out. And you were there.”

As surprising as everything Natasha had said in the past hour was, this was the only sentence that elicited a visible reaction from him.

His head snapped as if struck without his permission, and he blinked at her several times before he managed to ask, “Me? Where?”

This time he knew she was smiling, though there was no kindness in the gesture, when she said, “It was D.C. You were following a lead on the investigation and were looking into Senator Cortez as a potential target. You were right, of course, and you managed to mess it up just enough to give me my opening.”

Bucky was quiet as he tried to recall every detail about the week he had spent in D.C., from the meetings with the Senator to the extra security he ordered. And finally, after he thought about the staff he interviewed, he remembered her.

“You were blonde then.”

The smile was wider this time and gave Bucky the impression of a wolf looking at its dinner. “You do remember.”

“He died a week later,” Bucky responds, thinly vailed accusation in his voice.

She had the decency to look contrite, but he knew it was only for his benefit. “It wasn’t me. I left that night—my handlers were panicking, trying to find a new way to circumvent your new security protocols. I was supposed to be seducing you.” She says it with such casualness that Bucky just knows she’s toying with him.

“Wasn’t interested?” he asks dryly, wondering if it would have worked if she had. He remembered her for a reason, after all, and it wasn’t the carefully meek American accent she had used then or her tentative answers to his questions. It was her eyes, intelligent and watchful in a way that gave him pause, and a beauty that made everything else around her seem even more dull than usual.

She smirks then, and he knows she had guessed his train of thought. She is at least kind enough not to comment on it.

“I saw the opportunity for what it was: my out. I followed you to your room, just as I was asked, but instead of knocking on your door and fucking you for answers, I cut back to the staff entrance in the basement and made my way out with everyone else who was leaving for the night. No one suspected anything since I was already on the list of staff members investigated, and my handlers thought I was handlingyou. By the time they realized I had escaped, it was too late.”

“But not too late to kill Senator Cortez?”

Her face hardens, and if he didn’t know better, he’d say she looked genuinely guilty. “I thought that I could get back there, have some sort of plan in time to stop them from killing him, or anyone else for that matter. I didn’t expect to be replaced so quickly.”

“Bitter?” Bucky couldn’t help but ask, picking up on the sour note in her voice.

She doesn’t respond with words, only narrows her eyes at him in a way that makes him regret having asked. “I’ve spent the last six months trying to gain enough intelligence to turn over to your government, so that it can be your problem now. So that I can live my life the way I want, without The Red Room or Hydra following me wherever I go, looking to collect on their investment. I want out,” she says decisively, and he can’t help but believe her. “I just need you to help me end this so that I can be free of them.”

Bucky nods, thinking on her reasoning and actually finding that it makes sense, at least from her perspective. But he still had one more question. “So, is that why you chose me to be your messenger? Because you knew my name from the investigation?”

Natasha tilts her head from side to side, looking contemplative. “I suppose that was one reason. But I looked into you after that, found out your own history with Hydra, and assumed you were my best bet.” Bucky raised a brow in question. “Best bet for what?”

“To help me,” she says, clearly hating that she has to say it out loud. “I brought you here because it’s a safe place that neither your bosses nor mine can find us. Because I want to give you this information, and I want to walk out of here of my own free will. And I can’t do that if you take me in.” She leans then, her keen eyes catching him off guard as they practically beg for him to understand. “If I give myself up to your government, even if it is to bring Hydra down, I’ll never have that freedom. You understand that, don’t you?”

Bucky understands a lot of things. He knows what it’s like to be tortured and abused by Hydra. Knows what it is like to have control and free will stripped from you. He had experienced it for nearly five months—he couldn’t imagine enduring it for decades.

He nods. “Alright then. I believe that’s all I need then, Miss Natasha.”

Her smile when she stands is the first genuine one she’s worn in a very long time.

.

…

.

Because they have just the one car—his car—they agree to drive back to the nearest city together. From there, Natasha will board a bus to a destination unknown to him, and Bucky will head back home to give the information to his boss, effectively single-handedly ending this war before it even begins.

At least that was the plan, but then there’s a blockade in the middle of the highway, still miles away from civilization, from any backup that he could call, and the plan is forced to change.

Bucky, behind the wheel this time, slows, thinking over his options as they approach the three armored cars and small army of men that block his path.

Natasha, who is used to thinking on her feet, does not entertain any thoughts of stopping as she stretches her foot over the center console and slams it down onto Bucky’s, pressing the gas pedal down as far as she can.

And Bucky isn’t sure who’s more surprised, him or the Hydra agents he’s suddenly plowing into, but he doesn’t have time to really consider it before his car crashes into two of the SUVs and his face hits the air bag.

After he’s able to gain his bearings enough to move and confirm that he’s alive and mostly unharmed, he sees that Natasha is already out of the car and that there are shots being fired all around him.

He curses, fumbling for his seatbelt and reaching for his gun. He takes cover as soon as he gets his door open, and he raises his gun, ready to start returning fire when suddenly it stops entirely.

He chances a look, ready to duck back down once they start firing again, only to see thirteen bodies lying scattered on the group, and Natasha squaring off against the last man standing. He was large-built, though not quite as bulky as Steve. He was grinning as he advanced upon her slowly, a knife with a blade the size of Bucky’s forearm held threateningly, and though the words were too quiet for him to hear, he was clearly taunting her.

Bucky raises his weapon, ready and willing to contribute even though Natasha had managed to take care of most of it within three minutes, but that turned out to be unnecessary as well.

Natasha flashes a smile that is all teeth and threat before taking a running leap, neatly vaulting over the slash of her target’s knife, and landing on his shoulders. He only has a second to look stunned before she gives a sudden twist of her thighs and snaps his neck with a sharp crack that Bucky can hear from ten feet away.

The man lands in a heap on the ground, but Natasha rolls gracefully off of him before rising to her feet once again. As she takes in the carnage—a car on fire to his left, his car with its crushed front right next to him, a scattering of bodies in various position, all of them dead—he can only watch her with wide, awe-struck eyes.

When she turned her striking green eyes back on him, looking him over for any injury, he can only think of one thing to say.

“That took my breath away.”

“Good. I aim to suffocate.” Her tone was dry, but her lips curved up into an amused smile before she jerked her chin in the direction of the only car that had survived the attack. “Come on, Agent Barnes. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us if I’m going to take you all the way back to New York.”

“Bucky,” he corrects as she climbs up into the driver’s seat and he takes the passenger without protest. She clearly had a better handle on this than him anyhow.

Her eyes flash to him for only a second as she pulls away from the scene, and he can’t help but be happy that he finally managed to tell her something about himself that she didn’t already know.

She, of course, is not one to be outdone. “My real name is Natalia.”

“Well Natalia,” Bucky says, rolling her name across his tongue like it’s something to be savored, not spoken, “let’s get this thing to my boss so you can finally get a taste of that freedom you want.”

When she smiles at him this time, it actually reaches her eyes.

.

…

.

Natasha surprises him when she does exactly what she said she would and takes him all the way to his office in New York.

He supposes it shouldn’t though: if there’s one thing he’s learned about Natasha—Natalia—it is that she has her own sort of code that she follows. And apparently it includes being honest with him.

The moment she pulls the stolen car into the same parking spot she had abducted him from not even 24 hours ago, she disappears without a word.

Bucky rolls with it, of course, because though she has been an assassin and a killer, she deserves the chance to be better. She had never been given a choice before, and he’d make sure she wasn’t robbed of one now.

So he takes the flash drive with the information into his boss with an abridged version of the events that led to its procurement, and hopes to be allowed to head home for a solid 8 hours of sleep before sitting through the debriefing.

His request is denied, which doesn’t come as a surprise, and he sits through another four hours of mindlessly repetitive questions and answers. They ask him to go over every detail, from his capture to the mess he left on some highway in New Jersey, and he recites the details again and again. They ask for information on Natalia, and he refuses every time.

He’s detached, just going through the motions of this bureaucratic shitshow while the CIA sort through the treasure trove of information that Natalia handed them. Steve notices, catching his eye and giving him a look that’s meant to be reassuring, and he’s not the only one.

Bucky’s boss finally sends him home with an exasperated sigh and an order to report in at 0600 tomorrow, and Bucky barely catches himself before sighing in relief.

It’s short lived.

Steve catches him in the hallway, concern clear in his eyes, and Bucky loves him like a brother, but he just wants to go homegoddammit. Seemingly sensing his irritation, Steve holds up a hand in surrender. “I won’t hold you up, God knows you could use a full night’s rest right about now. But I do just have one question.”

Bucky cocks an eyebrow, exhausted but willing to play along for his best friend’s sake. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“Why are you protecting her?”

Bucky blinks in surprise, both at the simplicity of the question and his inability to verbalize his answer.

Because she didn’t deserve this. Because she was a weapon in the hands of murderers, but the courts will never see it that way. Because she deserves a chance to be free and learn what it’s like to make decisions yourself. Because the thought of her behind bars for the rest of her life makes me sick.

So he doesn’t answer, and Steve doesn’t appear to expect him to as he steps to the side and allows Bucky to pass him on his way to the garage.

.

…

.

For the third time in a row, Bucky’s attempt to find a moment of peace to just fucking sleep is thwarted. But the moment his eyes lock on the beautiful red head sitting on his couch, looking as though she belonged there, he knew he wasn’t going to complain.

“Nat,” Bucky blurts out, dropping his keys onto his side table in surprise. “I—What are you doing here?”

Her lips twitch up into a smile, and she doesn’t chastise him for the nickname, only waves a hand in greeting. “Bucky.  I’m waiting for you, of course. What else would I be doing?”

“Oh I don’t know.” Bucky rolls his eyes and leans against his wall, still just watching her watch him. “I thought you’d be half-way to Mexico by now.”

Natalia wrinkles her nose in distaste. “Mexico is a bit too sunny for my taste. I was thinking we should head north, maybe hit Canada and figure out where we go from there.”

It took him an embarrassingly long time to process what she was saying. “We?”

“Well, yes,” she says, looking unsure for the first time since he had met her, and the sight made his heart jump. “I thought—well, I thought maybe you’d like to find out what freedom tastes like too.”

And the second the words left her lips, he knew he did. Because she understood him better than anyone after just a handful of hours spent together. She knew what it was like to feel like you were suffocating under the thumb of another, and she knew what it was like to break free of its hold.

She saw something of her past and her struggles in him, and he finally realized what it was that he saw when he looked into her eyes: his future.

When he takes too long to respond, she shrugs and says, “Besides, I might get bored if you weren’t around to annoy the shit out of me.”

He scoffs, but thinks, I’ll follow you anywhere, and he knows it’s true.

What he says is, “We’ll have to steal a new car.”

Bu she just smiles, all teeth and wicked intent, and he knows she understands anyway.

[thatgoddamnflipphone]

Steve/Tony Fic Rec List Part 1 - MCU Canonverse

Over 70 fic below the cut -- some in the middle still need summaries I will add over time.

These are listed in approximately the order I read them, so mostly random.

(MCU Verse. Comics Verses. Semi-Canon AUs. Full AUs. Post-IW. Still to come: a crapload of under 10k fic! To see the whole list as a Google Doc, go to tinyurl.com/streclist)

LAST EDIT: 8/30/19 - NEW FIC MARKED WITH ~

Guys and Bots by Scaramouche (@no-gorms). Follows the movies with the difference that they kiss at the end of AoU. Series with a hopeful ending (hey it’s CW it can’t be ALL happy). 32k https://archiveofourown.org/series/727023

Gained in Translation by Scaramouche (@no-gorms) . Short getting together fic between TWS & AoU. 11k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14020488

The Last Love Song of Anthony E. Stark by Jibrailis. Tony is infected with an Asgardian disease that causes slow memory loss. They travel to Asgard for a cure while he slowly forgets who and where he is. ANGST. 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/349478

The Act of Creation Will Be Your Salvation by @scifigrl47. This is the first in a looooong series, the whole thing is pretty great but if you’re not into kidfic you can just read this first one, it’s self contained and phenomenal. Follows Tony from when he first creates Dummy through Avengers and beyond, focusing on his relationship with his bots (and then of course Steve). You WILL cry about robots. 85k https://archiveofourown.org/works/401961/chapters/662516

Four (Or Five) Reasons for Kidnapping Tony Stark by @scifigrl47. Also part of a long series, you can read the first two also but this is where it really picks up and she really gets a feel for the characters. Kidnapping! (Fairly mild) Torture! Tony being brilliant! Pining! Presumed dead! It’s tagged pre-slash but there is smooching so it’s really not. 78k https://archiveofourown.org/works/391599/chapters/642784

Sixpence In His Shoe by @scifigrl47. (Yes this is the same author again, get used to it I am a completionist and read everything.) This is one of the BEST accidental marriage fics I’ve read, omg. This ship is complicated by the fact that they are FAMOUS, so fake or accidental marriages have far reaching consequences that are fascinating to explore. This hits all my sweet spots. 103k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443803/chapters/25647162

Lessons on how to be Worthwhile by @pensversusswords A beautiful Tony character study, hurt/comfort. 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/2306576/chapters/5075171

Truth Behind Masks by @scifigrl47 MCU/comics fusion where Tony takes Coulson up on the “bodyguard” alibi at the end of IM1. The team thinks Tony & Iron Man are sleeping together, while Steve, of course, is falling in love with “both” of them. I adore Sam in this, there’s a scene with him and Steve that makes me cry every time. 98k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1523327/chapters/3221816

Christmas Holiday by @scifigrl47 A proposal, wedding, honeymoon fic where literally everything goes wrong in hilarious ways. Cracky but amazing. 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5474990

My Lost City by elise_509 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008115/chapters/1999662

In the Stillness of Remembering by elise_509 A fandom classic. Just read it. 70k https://archiveofourown.org/works/557155/chapters/993923

As Sharp As Any Thorn by RurouniHime (@thegertie) Holy shit this fic. The angst is THROUGH the ROOF I had to stop reading a few times but damn it’s good (and happy ending!). Basically someone hacks Tony’s suit while he’s in it, causing him to attack the team and almost-fatally injure Steve. Steve spends a good bit of the fic in a coma and they don’t know if he’ll make it, while the public calls for Iron Man’s head, and Tony can’t get the memory of beating Steve out of his head. Damn. So good. 47k https://archiveofourown.org/works/725234 

With Words Other Than These by RurouniHime (@thegertie) Post-mission adrenaline fueled comfort sex. Yes please. 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012230

When Our Day Comes by @thepartyresponsible Ok this is super short but HILARIOUS so if you need something to read after some of the above angst … 6k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764490

Evening Comfort by ann2who (@stark-spangled-lovers)  Steve & Tony run into each other at a gay bar, decide to roll with it and pretend they are strangers. 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/4734002/chapters/10819700

A New Way For Us by ann2who  (@stark-spangled-lovers) TIME TRAVEL SHENANIGANS Strange sends Tony back in time to try and fix things before Thanos, prevent Civil War, etc.  24k https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825590/chapters/22062992

Serenity Oasis by @festiveferret Omggggggg. So they wake up at a couples resort with amnesia. Are they undercover? Did they get married for real? We Just Don’t Know, and neither do they! 20k https://archiveofourown.org/works/13147377/chapters/30070665

(what is hate) but jilted love by LemonGrenade Post-Civil War Fix-it, Tony is injured and recovering away from it all in a cabin. Enter the Snowed In In A Canadian Shack trope! 27k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15344694

Flower Child by @itsallavengers Tony overcoming toxic programming from Howard, learning to be soft, oh and Steve punches Howard when he shows up in the future so. That’s really all I needed to love this. 24k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15399303

Lost Together by @festiveferret A fun take on the soulmate mark trope - Steve & Tony end up in an alternate universe with soulmate marks, and have to both hide that they don’t have them and pretend to be a couple because Reasons. Tropey goodness! 68k https://archiveofourown.org/works/12282594/chapters/27918672

More Than the Average Good by @royal-chandler Tony is the one to find Steve after Bucky pulls him out of the river in TWS. He convinces Steve to come back to the Tower with him, where they grow closer but eventually the truth about Tony’s parents needs to come out. 16k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15219425

Guessing Game by @itsallavengers Sort of an ambiguous universe but it’s close enough to MCU. Tony wakes up not remembering the last 24 hours, with a hole in his leg, and Steve carrying him through underground tunnels to escape a Skrull invasion. But is it really Steve? 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/12746256

Butterfly Dreams by Teyke This fic is a mind fuck with a happy ending. Steve is switching between two universes every time he falls asleep - in one, it’s post-CW and Tony is missing. In the other, Steve & Tony are on their honeymoon. Each feels real - which one is? 38k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8677540

Semaphore by DevilDoll "I’m trying to like you, Tony. You’re just making it very hard." 40k https://archiveofourown.org/works/314102/chapters/503103

All the Time in the World by missbecky (@missbeckywrites) Post-TWS, Steve’s team needs a place to land and end up at the Tower. When Steve & Tony quickly grow close, a stalker gets very irate. 38k https://archiveofourown.org/works/2646503

To the Victor by @thegraytigress OH BOY. Steve “dies” on a mission. Tony is certain he’s still alive - is he in denial? Everyone else thinks so. Hmm. BRING ON THE ANGST. 242k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8162986/chapters/18705922

The Trial Run by scaramouche (@no-gorms) 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027899

Fix You by @thegraytigress 74k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5900494/chapters/13602163

Shiver by @thegraytigress 54k https://archiveofourown.org/works/10868364

Equivalence by @thegraytigress 28k https://archiveofourown.org/works/7312558

Falling Into You by @sabrecmc Fuck buddies until Steve loses his memory (yay Loki), Tony doesn’t tell Steve about their “arrangement.” Then feelings happen. 53k https://archiveofourown.org/works/3731302/chapters/8269387

I wanted to fix this (but couldn't stop from tearing it down) by @missbeckywrites 51k https://archiveofourown.org/works/529127

Better Angels/Lesser Demons by @sabrecmc A CW fix-it where Peggy leaves some home videos for Steve in her will. 34k https://archiveofourown.org/series/891720

Good For You by @orbingarrow “Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.” 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/6093591

Into Words by @dirigibleplumbing 32k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817710

I Am With You by @dirigibleplumbing Steve tries to adjust to life in the 21st century, with the help of his new team/family, and especially Tony. Great Steve character stuff. 25k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15166046

Never for the Dragon by @ladyshadowdrake (MCU/616 fusion) READ THE TAGS you will definitely cry. Like really seriously full on sobs. But it’s extremely worth it. 89k https://archiveofourown.org/works/7120420

Tensile Strength by sahiya 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779712

all warm-blooded creatures by nanasekei (@elcorhamletlive) “From a very early age, Steve Rogers was aware that he was going to die of cold.” 13k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15196187

Hating Steve Rogers by nanasekei (@elcorhamletlive) I loooove fic where post-Avengers Tony goes from a lifetime of hate and resentment towards Captain America to falling in love with Steve Rogers. 16k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14813219

'Til Death Do Us Part by @itsallavengers Steve has to fake his death on a mission. SHIELD “forgets” to tell his husband. 15k https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905544

Home Is Where the Time Machine Is by @wordsplat There is NOT ENOUGH of this trope in this fandom! Steve & Tony’s daughter from the future shows up, tries not to spill the beans about them getting together. 23k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030540

Stay With Me (home is where your mind is.) by sara_holmes (@captn-sara-holmes) 67k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1246060

Bond Has It Covered by sara_holmes 66k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104870

Counterpart by sara_holmes 217k https://archiveofourown.org/works/1659452

when i run out of road, you bring me home by quidhitch 18k https://archiveofourown.org/works/16153091

Over Sea, Under Stars by vorkosigan 36k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8635870

Unintended by sheron 37k https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446870

i found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt by quidhitch 16k https://archiveofourown.org/series/1191442

In Your Warmth I Forget How Cold It Can Be by izazov 29k https://archiveofourown.org/works/13137222

In Dreams (Everything Makes Sense) by msermesth 42k https://archiveofourown.org/works/9924365

Die Hard (But Only If No Other Options Are Readily Available) by JenTheSweetie 24k https://archiveofourown.org/works/4702037

Things We Learned at the End of the World by JenTheSweetie 13k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14867777

An Infinite Number Of Monkeys At Typewriters (Or, Steve and Tony Finally Get It Right) by JenTheSweetie 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8310553

More Than Gravity by JenTheSweetie 21k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5502959

Of Things Lost in Time by erde Post-IW Steve gets caught in an AoU groundhog day ahhhhh! 16k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17217959

Love's Such an Old-Fashioned Word by scaramouche 11k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344631

Never Eye To Eye by vorkosigan 26k https://archiveofourown.org/works/8776729

Of Books and Memories and Snow by vorkosigan 22K https://archiveofourown.org/works/10876335

Lost in Transcription by Veldeia Cool science-based canonverse soulmate AU - science has recently discovered genetic markers for soulmates. Uh oh. 25k. https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982646 

And The Void Would Be Calling. by jadedoll 17k https://archiveofourown.org/works/387387

Sticky Business by OftheLilies 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/12976434

All These Half-Tones of the Soul by nostalgicatsea Angsty retelling of canon as a soulmate au. 23k https://archiveofourown.org/series/994596

Overhaul by Annie D (scaramouche) 19k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17846375

Northwest to Nowhere by Veldeia 17k https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456477

Untapped Opportunities by Serinah The classic “they meet on a cybersex site but don’t know who they are talking to” with lots of fluff, angst, and porn. BDSM. 62k https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106627

the things we invent when we are scared by nanasekei 18k https://archiveofourown.org/works/17946077

Resistance by thegraytigress The worldbuilding and OCs are amazing in this, but mind the tags - loooots of torture and hurt/comfort. 426k (no that’s not a typo lol) https://archiveofourown.org/works/7469145/chapters/16973895

Symmetry Breaking by scaramouche (@no-gorms) I probably have this down with EG fics too, but it mostly belongs up here. Takes place in the branched 2012 timeline where Loki took the Tesseract. I want a million fics in this universe! 10k https://archiveofourown.org/works/18627655

The Butterfly Effect by @itsallavengers Same as above, 2012 branched timeline. YES MORE PLEASE! 20k https://archiveofourown.org/works/18617755

To Have My Time Again... by @wilmakins A post-CW rewrite of Infinity War, including accidentally dragging Howard forward in time, and addressing Steve choosing between the past and the future in a much more in-character way than EG did <cough>. 166k https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654939

Name Recognition by OscarTheSlouch Steve wants to take Tony’s last name. Tony has a bunch of hangups about it. Featuring sad baby Tony flashbacks! 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11690337

Even the Light is an Illusion by Mizzy This is technically MCU, but was written very early so borrows a lot of characters and canon from 616. Tony has to fake his death for reasons, angst ensues. 102k https://archiveofourown.org/works/507292

Though Your Face Is Lovely by @chibisquirt Noir!Tony ends up in MCU!verse. Cue jumping into bed with Steve and MCU!Tony extreme jealousy! MCU SteveTony is endgame. 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/10930653

He Knows More Than You Do by ChibiSquirt Pretty much 35k of cracky porn with feelings. A lot of medical kink stuff, pay attention to tags. 35k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11683599

If the Words Are True by @msermesth Someone leaks old love letters from Steve to another man to the press. Tony helps deal with the aftermath. 10k https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249832

For the Wheel's Still in Spin by Arukou A retelling of early canon, Steve’s months after getting thawed and the Battle of NY, and how the Avengers slowly became a team. 57k https://archiveofourown.org/works/2680208

Binary System by scaramouche 13k https://archiveofourown.org/works/19077304

In a Different Light by marinarusalka 20k https://archiveofourown.org/works/542966

Here's Looking At You by mariana_oconnor I love post-Avengers Tony learning to see Steve for who he really is, and not just the hero from history. 12k https://archiveofourown.org/works/19349692

Fireside ‘verse by @gotthesilver A very real and human look at a post-Endgame world where Steve & Tony can’t quit each other, but Tony still has a family. Love is complicated and messy. 29k https://archiveofourown.org/series/1429378

we must love one another and die by @theappleppielifestyle Tony realizes Steve was frozen when Lord of the Rings came out, leading to mutual bonding, book club, and lots of Frodo-related Steve feels. Don’t miss this one, it’s phenomenal. 14k https://archiveofourown.org/works/20168623

~Playing the part (remix) by nanasekei (@elcorhamletlive) A fake marriage post-CW fix-it? Sign me the fuck up! 10k https://archiveofourown.org/works/20330893

~All the Love You Hold and Hide by Mireille Fuck-or-Die trope with feeeeeelings! 17k https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402436

[the-nerktwins]

There’s more to “Another Day” than meets the eye…or, ear…

Sometimes the most interesting thoughts are captured during discussions. I recently began a thread in a Beatles forum I’m a member of, about Paul’s song “Another Day” and the deeper meaning I personally found within it. The conversation veered into two different directions. One was the concept of the lyrical content being overlooked for a few possible reasons, not the least of them being that the protagonist was a woman. The other branch of this conversation veered towards was the musical anatomy of the song and how it serves to add texture to the story the lyrics are telling.

It’s with regret that I report that some participants completely overlooked the musical complexity of this track. To illustrate, here are a couple of key quotes from respondents in the thread I started:

“In contrast to 'Eleanor Rigby, 'Another Day' is cute and perfect instead of full of contrast and dynamics. The cozy comfort of the music itself reflects the bland predictability of the protagonists' life, as depicted in the song. I'm just not sure that's the best approach to take. I think John and George's (Martin) influence would have added some dimension.”

“Yes it's typical of McCartney to wrap a dark story in a cute song. He likes to hide things (even from himself).”

I was left wondering if me and these posters were even listening to the same song! I was also reminded of how ready people are to default to and parrot the (false and grossly oversimplified) talking points that the fandom has been spoon-fed about Paul’s songcraft since the 1970’s. Paul is hardly ever regarded as a valid artist in his own right outside of the Beatles collective, that is terribly, truly wrongheaded in every imaginable way.

I find it galling that many fans still want to hear his early, solo work with a “Lennon filter” applied to it. I’ve seen people saying things like, “This song is good, but if he’d done it with John it would’ve been GREAT!” I completely disagree. McCartney’s compositional abilities by 1967 had evolved to the point where he could “hear” in his head almost exactly what he wanted his final product to sound like. He was adept at articulating his vision to producers, engineers, and bandmates rather early on.

It also hasn’t escaped my notice that certain fans resent his abilities within the confines of the Beatles’ collective since it did contribute to some friction within the band during their late period, and then they turn around and completely ignore his competency when it comes to his solo work (and lament that he couldn’t collaborate with Lennon or George Martin on particular solo songs). It’s a paradoxical mentality and I’m not shy about denouncing it. It gives me whiplash, if I’m quite honest about it!

Since I don’t know (and didn’t ask) the participants about whether they’ve had any experience as musicians, I can make some allowance for the fact that people who’ve played music can hear things in a piece that non-musicians may not pick up on. The thing is, there exist a fair number of sources which could at least illustrate what’s going on musically in “Another Day.”

As for me, since I have a musical background, and I can HEAR what’s going on. To me there are “contrast and dynamics.” The song builds, crescendos, and comes back down again.  There's a lot going on in terms of time signature changes, and decorative elements which add texture to the story being told.  It’s brilliant! I realize that someone who has little to no musical experience could miss it.  There are musically-inclined people out there who can explain it, however, and I went looking online for just that. I conducted two simple Google searches: “Paul McCartney Another Day Musical Analysis,” and “Paul McCartney Another Day Sheet Music.”

With the second search, I found a website which allows the user to play a midi file of the song (with the lead vocals, backing vocals, and every instrument) while the user is taken through the sheet music. The parts being played highlight what’s going on in the song as it’s playing. If someone is inexperienced as a musician, it can serve as a nice, visual aid to see just how complex a composition is, and how much is going on within it. Here’s a screenshot of the site, and a link to “Another Day” for illustrative purposes.

"Another Day" by Paul and Linda McCartney on MuseScore.com

To me this is proof-positive that "Another Day" isn't just a cutesy, fluffy song.

For some further argument in the favor of the musical merits of this song, I stumbled upon comments from fans in the Steve Hoffman music forums, in a thread called "Paul McCartney 'Another Day' Appreciation Thread"

After the bit ".... leaves the next daaaaayyyy..." there's this descending run on the guitar that is perfectly placed, but very difficult indeed to play. – Edgard Varese

yeah, another day is an absolutely killer track. to me its really the perfect song: catchy as hell, yet imaginative and really far more complex than a casual listener would ever realize. i also agree with the thoughts on the rythym guitar. great song to learn for any guitar player, not just for the rythm, but for the chords also. i believe it starts with a g to a b7 with an f# bass and really you've got me hooked from there – andyw676

Listen to the bassline...amazing. – Stateless

I've always loved this song, everything about it really. The undertone of Rigby-esque sadness was obvious to me from the get-go, and the yearning in the "sometimes she feels so sad" bit as the music shifts up and down chromatically always put a lump in my throat. Paul's very good at getting some of the more delicate emotional shadings in his songs. Great song. Thanks for the thread! -- Gardo

That song has some crazy chord changes, and lots of em. Makes it special. – Dave D

To diverge just a little bit into lyrical territory, there were some nuggets of push-back within this Steve Hoffman thread against the typical appraisal of this song, namely it being labeled as “lightweight” or “trite” by certain critics or fans.

Similarly, on "Another Day" if you read the lyrics carefully you may come away feeling not uplifted by a catchy little ditty but a mite saddened by the sometimes crushing loneliness of the modern grind. Personally I love the "At the office where the papers grow..." and "Alone in her apartment she'd dwell..." parts, some of Paul's best lyrics. Remarkable concision. – Dr J

I don't consider it quite as light as I did. It's almost a social commentary on the way women's lives were in the 70s, although not a knock at anyone specific. I admit I'm stealing a little of my wife's analysis. – kevinsinnott

I find it interesting to note that the second poster needed some assistance from a woman regarding his appraisal of the lyrical content. It’s another reminder of the depressing reality that this song is likely written off as superficial and lightweight, and not much analysis applied to it, but because the protagonist is a woman. Just as a lot of our struggles as women are ignored or ridiculed, a song written by a male who sympathizes with our plight is written off as “silly” and “fluffy” by male fans, even if the lyrics have a dark subtext.

To me, the song speaks of something dark and existential going on within the protagonist's psyche, and Paul himself is simply a narrator, imploring the audience to empathize with her as much as he does. And by empathizing with the plight of a woman, Paul unfortunately gets labeled a superficial square who creates “Muzak” and isn’t “Rock N’ Roll” enough. And that’s not right any way you slice it.  Even more ironic is that not long after "Another Day," Lennon at the behest of his wife would be singing and talking about Women's struggles for equal rights and the injustice of it all.  He glibly missed his former songwriting partner's intent in this song.  That's not unlike John at all, however, and that's certainly not the point of this essay.  It's just an observation I found interesting.

"Another Day" also speaks to me as an acknowledgement that people who are highly functional can and do suffer depression; people are coached to wear a mask of being “OK” because it’s not socially acceptable to admit you are not OK. Just keep your head down, go to work, do what you’re supposed to do, get on with it, and don’t tell anyone about your problems…

“As she posts another letter to the sound of five People gather 'round her and she finds it hard to stay alive.”

To go back to the song being marginalized as a little bit of radio-friendly, pop fluff, when to me it clearly is NOT for a moment, I want to acknowledge something. Fans were less able to access opposing literature and materials in the early 1970’s, and McCartney himself wasn’t talking much to the press (and unless you’re a brand-new fan, you know why), so I can see why people sort of accepted this viewpoint at the time.

As Erin Torkelson-Weber has pointed out in interviews and on her blog, “The Historian and the Beatles,” Paul’s relative lack of response to the talking points being pushed by John and Yoko within their post-breakup PR campaign, as well as Paul choosing not to give too much weight to the unfair critical appraisal of his work that was tainted by rock music “journalists” essentially siding with John and Yoko, really created a vacuum, allowing for the fandom’s appraisal of Paul’s work to be dominated by this narrative. Therefore, it’s natural that many, if not most fans in 1971 would buy into these sentiments.  

What I find annoying is that this tendency continues to persist within the fandom, even among younger fans! This is despite having a considerable amount of evidence available at our fingertips that can serve to point out how very wrong this narrative truly is, up to and including the damn sheet music!

With the ability we now possess to access contemporaneous source material and examine all of it objectively, and the ability to listen to virtually all of his music for free via the major, online streaming services, it demonstrates laziness when people within the fandom choose not to think for themselves regarding McCartney’s genius and artistic merit separate from the other Beatles (namely Lennon).

“Another Day” isn’t the only McCartney work I’ve seen suffer under-appreciation by fans, but it’s an excellent example to illustrate my point, since it was specifically singled out by Lennon and early 70’s rock critics and used as a device by Lennon and the prominent rock critics of the day to publicly mock McCartney and call his integrity as an artist into question.

A lot of McCartney’s solo work is written off in a similar fashion, and what a terrible shame that is. Quite frankly, I think people are depriving themselves of a lot of pleasure by simply dismissing McCartney and avoiding his music (or sticking to his “greatest hits” without delving into his catalog and giving everything a thorough listen), based on these antiquated appraisals of his work.

In conclusion, I hope this essay didn’t come across too harshly. I just hope it may inspire people to listen more carefully to Paul McCartney’s solo work and give him the credit as an artist that he duly deserves.

[nctdaoying]

190819 GRAZIA Magazine September Issue - Interview with Doyoung

190819 GRAZIA Magazine September Issue - Interview with Doyoung 

Translation by @nctdaoying (Twitter) / take out with credit.

Editor’s note: “I sat face-to-face with NCT’s Doyoung, a person who wants to sing for a long time, and during the time (I sat facing him), I saw a new face which I have never seen before.”

ISAC

Q: I heard that you took part in the recording for Idol Sports Athletic Championships (ISAC) yesterday?

A: Yes, I competed in the archery competition.

Q: Actually, aren’t you the member who doesn’t like to move the most? You made a huge decision (to participate in ISAC).

A: At least I was in a sport that required me to move the least, hahaha.

Q: Can we look forward to an outstanding performance then?

A: Previously, we won the silver medal for archery in the ISAC New Year Special. This time round, I practiced a lot for archery whenever I had the time, so I think it’s worth looking forward to.

Q: So you actually practiced.

A: All of the idol group members who participated in ISAC practiced. Personally, I really looked forward to it as we specially practiced a lot this time round. And the archery teacher felt that it was a pity that we got silver the last time round so she/he put in even more effort to teach us this time round.

NEOCITY Tour - learning point, memorable moment, time spent on flights, favourite shows

Q: Since January this year, you have been touring round the world, from Seoul to North America, then to South America, Asia, and even Europe. Since you have been touring for over 6 months, did you learn a lot?

A: Personally, I think that our team has grown a lot. I have been busy for more than half of the year. Especially for our U.S. tour, I performed once every two days so it was physically demanding for me. However, I believe that this sort of difficulty is a process for growth. Also, thanks to the support of the fans, I was able to overcome this period of difficulty, both mentally and physically. Through this world tour, I felt just how precious the fans are once again. I really thought of them as great comfort which helped me to endure. 

Q: Please share with us if there was an especially memorable moment during the tour.

A: The Atlanta stop was especially memorable. The venue where we had our concert was the venue where many pop artistes, whom we recognise just by hearing their names, have held their concerts, and their photos were hanging on the wall of the corridor (where the waiting rooms were located). Among them, they only give the “SOLD OUT” sign to the artistes who have sold out their concerts. So thankfully, we sold out our concert as well and had the sign on our photo too, and because of that it felt really strange (to me).

Q: While you were on tour, the distance you travelled must have been really long and you must have spent a lot of time on the plane. What do you do during the flights?

A: I love watching dramas so I downloaded a lot of movies and dramas. But because we didn’t have a lot of time to rest while on tour, I spent most of my time on the plane sleeping.

Q: Are there any necessities that you’d bring along?

A: (My) iPad and airpods to watch dramas. Other than those, nothing else (laughs)

Q: What are the works (movies/dramas) that you like watching recently?

A: Not too long ago, I really enjoyed watching <Search: WWW>. And also even though I might sound like I am promoting my brother (actor Gongmyung), he’s appearing on a new drama recently. I wouldn’t have mentioned it if I thought that it’s not interesting, but I think <Melo is My Nature> is really interesting (laughs).

King of Masked Singer (KOMS), thoughts on his own voice/singing, and cover videos

Q: We can’t go without talking about how you recently became a hot topic after appearing on KOMS and winning 3 rounds with over 70 votes, to go straight to the final deciding round against the Masked King.

A: While on tour, I was preparing for (my performance) even though I was really busy and often lacked the energy as well, but I felt that it was a special experience. Because I love singing originally, so I felt really happy throughout this whole process. To be truthful, KOMS is a programme which I have always wanted to appear on since I was a trainee. Since that was the case, I also had the desire of getting good results. However, as the filming date neared, I started thinking that it was more important for me to truly enjoy the process. So mainly with the songs I love and sing well, I appeared on the show.

Q: Usually, before you appear on KOMS, you will have to keep it a secret, so how was it? Did you keep this a secret from the NCT members?

A: Because I had to prepare, there were members who saw me going out in the wee hours to practice, and asked about it. There were times I replied them truthfully, but there were also members who didn’t ask about it till the end. So those friends will find out for the first time when the show broadcasts, hahaha.

Q: How did the members react after watching the broadcast?

A: To be honest, as compared to my singing, the members paid more attention to the sexy dance I did as my personal talent. Maybe because it had already become a hot topic, so they were busy teasing me about it (laughs).

Q: From the recent interviews I saw, I can tell that you really love your own voice.

A: When I was young, I always wanted my voice to sound unique. I felt that it wasn’t that special and wished that I had my own (vocal) colour. So I’d imitate those singers whom people could recognise after just hearing a small verse - those people their own unique vocal colour. But as time passed, I came to think that the voice should be something like mine, one that people wouldn’t hate or love at first listen, but rather a voice that people can listen to comfortably. Now, I like my voice (smiles).

Q: Your singing ability is one that has been recognised by all. After looking through the NCT Music YouTube Channel, it seems to me that you mainly cover female singers’ songs? Is there a special reason for that?

A: There is no special reason. I just wanted to showcase something that is different from the original singers - I think the beauty of a cover is that I get to add my own colour (to the song). When I cover female singers, I can choose to lower my range or add my own colour (to the song) freely, so that’s why I choose to cover them frequently. And also because they simply are my favourite artistes.

Q: When I watched your cover videos, I discovered that you have a lot of different concepts for them, and it seems like you put a lot of thought into them.

A: I am the type of person who will prepare a lot if I have something that I want to do. For example, I will contemplate a lot over things like whether or not to use a mic when I’m singing, or what type of mic I should use, and whether I need to film the video after recording my singing. Although the song is very important as well, I’d also actively express my opinion on what sort of video would suit me best.

Travelling with Gongmyung

Q: Not too long ago, your brother Gongmyung mentioned that travelling with you is something that is on his bucket list. Did you know about this plan of his?

A: Even though my brother always talks about travelling together, it is really hard to find a day where the both of us are on break. But regardless of when the time comes, I definitely want to go someday. I also think it’d be interesting to show our trip through a reality show.

Q: If the two of you can travel together, where would you like to go to?

A: Actually, it doesn’t matter where we go. Although my hyung and I don’t particularly like to drink, we’re the type who would still drink a little (laughs). So I think travelling together to find the specialty liquors unique to different areas will be fun.

Life Motto & photoshoot

Q: I heard that your motto is “let’s live like myself”. So how is it like to be living like Doyoung?

A: I’m the type who firmly believes that I can do well and lives while thinking positively. For example, I would think of things like “I am doing great now” or “I am cool” when I have a photoshoot. I strive to do my best in believing in myself.

Q: So what sort of thoughts did you have when you had your photoshoot just now?

A: Hahaha, to be honest, I was a little embarrassed just now. The staff’s cheers were amazing… (laughs)

Something special to Doyoung

Q: What is something that is special only to Doyoung?

A: It may be the same for other singers, but I really love singing. I have come to the conclusion that when I am going through a hard time or feel tired, I am only able to overcome them simply because of my love for singing, and because of the fans’ support for me.

Ultimate goal in life & artiste he envisions himself to be

Q: This may be a big question, but what is Doyoung’s ultimate goal in life?

A: There are people who I have acknowledged as the artistes of my life since I was young. I have been listening to the songs of Park Hyoshin, Adam Levine, Oasis, and Taeyeon sunbae-nim since young, so if I become a great vocal in the future, a great deal of credit has to go to them. Even though I may add more people in the future, I think to sing like them is my iron rule and goal in life.

Q: What kind of artiste do you envision yourself to be?

A: Rather than doing music that (only) I like, my dream is to do music that people who listen to it also like. I wish to perform in many more places, with many more songs, and have an enjoyable time with many more people.

Next dream?

Q: The person whose dream since young is to become a singer has already realised his dream. What is your next dream?

A: Maybe not to the extent of directing, but I would like to challenge planning a concert. Even though I am still lacking now and I am still not at the level of being able to lay out something concrete, I hope that one day I can be someone who can express and share my own opinions when I am preparing for my own concert.

(END.)

[percywinchester27]

Unconventional Roommates (Part-8)

Word count: 4.5K

Pairing: Dean X Reader

Warnings: Fluff!

Series Summary: Now that his brother is at Stanford, for the first time in his life, Dean does something for himself. He takes a step towards chasing his own dreams and moves away from Lawrence to start college, which is both thrilling and scary at the same time. Only catch, in this unknown town, he is stuck with the MOST infuriating female on the planet- the roommate from hell!

A/N: Thank you so much for all your love, guys. It means the freaking world to me!! This is also written for @spnfluffbingo

Square filled: Girl power (Hell yeah!)

Thanks to the loveliest @deanssweetheart23 for being my beta on this one. You are the absolute best and I love you so much <3

Unconventional Roommates masterlist

The moment Nick uttered the word 'girlfriend,' Y/N's head whipped in Dean's direction. The unfathomable, unwavering coldness back in them. He wanted to yell 'no… come back!' to the girl who was overjoyed about riding a Ferris Wheel for the first time. But she was too far buried underneath the sullen mask...

Dean stared back because it was all he could do. He stared back into Y/N's unflinching stare, trying to decipher the thoughts running through her head, for once hoping that her mind reading stare worked, that she could pick the truth right through his head.

Then something unexpected happened, she nodded ever so lightly and turned to face Nick, who stepped back. A reflex to her fierceness, but he recovered soon enough, completely looking past her and to Dean.

"Is that the one who helped you with the assignment? Your special friend?" Nick's eyes roved over Y/N once more, finding what he saw disinteresting and the fury roared again inside Dean.

He stepped ahead, but Y/N put her hand forward, stopping him. He knew better than to overstep her boundaries.

Y/N smiled, slow and cheesy. "Sure, I helped him, mostly because he deserved it. I'm sure your friend over there helps you with all those load calculations you break your head over before every submission."

The friend in question was a giggly girl who seemed too drunk to even balance herself. She was leaning over Nick for support.

Nick gave the girl one disgruntled look, clearly mad that he was being judged by the standard of a wasted junior.

"Don't look at her like that," Y/N continued. "Even drunk, she'd do way better in a brain test than you'd do a month sober."

Dean had to control an urge to snigger. His protective instinct for her was still a mystery to him, but he should have known better than to try and actually protect her. She looked the sort who put people in their places for a living. What was one Nick Dormer to her?

"Well, I do hope you manage to cultivate some common sense. It would be good for you," she continued. "Learning to not judge women by their looks should be a good start."

Dean wanted to call 911 and report a murder, but he settled for grinning a smug grin, not unlike Y/N's. When she jerked her head, gesturing to move, he deliberately stepped ahead and intertwined his fingers within hers. Then hand in hand, together, they walked away as the girl wrapped around Nick giggled once more.

"How did you know that I hadn't said anything to him?" Dean asked when they were out of earshot.

"It's my turn to ask the question," she pointed out, but answered anyway. "You assured me the other day that you weren't using me. Not even to brag about a fake girlfriend. I believed you."

So simple for her say, but Dean knew exactly how hard it must have been for her to realize that… to trust him, to follow his word. It made him feel special.

"Please tell me you don't let that idiot walk all over you in college?"

He shrugged. "I don't care enough about him to even notice him. He looks at me like an outcast of sort."

"Why?" She asked curiously. Of course she wouldn't find anything wrong with his over-large, worn out leather jacket that screamed 70's.

"Let's just say I'm old fashioned." He spread his arms wide to make a show of the jacket.

Y/N groaned. "Of course it would be all about appearance for him." She looked at him. "I love your jacket though. Gives the bad boy vibe."

"Is that why you jumped on me that first day?" He teased.

She had the grace to look embarrassed and it made Dean laugh.

"It's okay," he said. "I don't hold that against you. Does seem kinda creepy now that I think about it."

He scanned the street looking for somewhere they could head next, and then found a group of his college mates gathered near the Limbo bar, Meg, Cas and Hannah with them. It made him feel guilty about ditching them.

He felt her hand on his shoulder. "You have to go be with them, don't you?"

Truth be told, he didn't. He didn't want to leave Y/N and go be with his friends, but they were expecting him, and he knew that Y/N wouldn't be comfortable in company. He felt torn.

She laughed. "You look tortured."

"I promised you I'd make sure you had a good time," he said firmly.

"And I am," she reassured. "Come, let's head over to your friends. You can do the talking and I'll do the listening… as long as it's not about the weather."

Dean couldn't have been more grateful as she let him guide her to the group.

Everyone there was faring miserably at the Limbo and Hannah was urging Meg to try it. All eyes turned to him when Dean reached them and Y/N squirmed behind him. Cas gave him a huge grin while Meg stepped forward to introduce Y/N to everyone who greeted her and she nodded back, smiling hesitantly. Dean had to grin at her effort of being socially polite. It was awkward. It was adorable.

"C'mon, do the Limbo!" Hannah pushed Meg, and she gave in, laughing as she tried to bend enough to get past the rod. It was placed at an height of 4' 4".

In her defense, Meg tried her best, but apparently, it was harder than it appeared and just when it looked like she was going to cross it, her head hit the bar and it displaced with a loud clang. Everyone started laughing, so did Meg as she returned rubbing her head.

The next girl in line, a pretty brunette was braver, she danced a couple of steps to the peppy beat and then tried her luck, passing the rod without touching it and everyone cheered. The handler asked her if she was ready the take the money or if he should lower the bar and double the stakes. The girl considered and then asked him to lower it by another 4 inches. Dean clenched his fist as the girl went at it again, but this time, the rod clattered to the ground and everyone let out a collective disappointed "No!"

Everyone except one voice. Dean didn't have to look to know that it was that asshole Nick.

"C'mon!" He called to the girl, "Go at it again." Only, it wasn't encouraging, it was mocking.

"That stuff is hard, okay?" Dean said, unable to stop himself.

"Sure it is," Nick said. "But I'm sure if your special friend helped you, you can do this, too, Superman."

Everyone went quiet all of a sudden.

Nick considered that as a victory. "Of course with something like this, she'd never be able to help you. She's not the type to be able to pull off something like Limbo."

Dean got the implication of each word completely. He understood perfectly well the type of girls Nick was hinting at.

But before he could say anything, he felt the swoosh of clothes as Y/N walked past him to the handler.

"Lower the bar," she ordered.

The guy gave her a puzzled look. "You need to get through 4' first."

"Raise the stake and drop it."

He didn't need to be told twice.

He doubled the stake and the bar went to 3' 8"

But Y/N shook her head. "Drop it further."

By now everyone was looking at each other, wondering what was up with her. A few glances strayed towards Dean too, and he didn't have look up to see the question there.

'Who the hell is this girl that Winchester towed along?'

The handler looked like he wanted to argue but one look from Y/N silenced him again. He now stacked an obscene amount of money on the table. Dean watched as Y/N smirked and lifted one plate of the table, then another. She nodded to the guy who gulped and added more money to the stack.

She judged the bar which stood at only 3' 4" high, shot one deliberate look at Nick, then her eyes found Dean's and her face transformed into a reassuring smile.

He didn't know what his face gave away apart from shock, and if he was true to himself, fear. He knew Y/N, he knew that she wouldn't do anything that would ever put her in a position that was beneath, however, he couldn't help but be scared of the 'what if…' What if she couldn't do it? Dean knew he couldn't stop himself from punching Nick in the face if he took one more jibe at her.

Y/N was still moving forward, one disk in each hand. She didn't try to warm up like the first girl, instead, she bent back gracefully and slid from underneath the bar as easily as if it was a choreographed move she'd been practicing for ages. Not till she had placed the discs back on the counter and gathered the lump sum of money in her slender arms, did she turn back, much to the distaste of a horrified the handler.

Dean had forgotten to breathe. But he wasn't the only one, for there was an almost audible pop as the jaws around him dropped when Y/N has successfully passed from underneath the Limbo bar.

"Is she a freaking Ninja or what?" Meg gasped.

"I- I don't know," Dean said honestly.

Y/N skipped to his side, happy. She jiggled the little bag and offered her arm. Dean took it immediately, grinning wide.

"How the hell did you do that?"

She shrugged. "I don't like to back down from challenges."

"Well, clearly."

Everyone around crowded in on her, acknowledging the feat and praising her for it and she seemed to come of a bubble where it was just him and her. Y/N was visibly embarrassed and confused by the attention, like she wasn't used to appraising eyes. Dean knew it wouldn't be long before she was uncomfortable.

He cleared his throat loudly, and announced that he had to move on to other rides to click pictures, then dragged Y/N away from the gawking crowd.

In her relief, she neither saw, nor paid attention to Nick, but in passing, Dean saw his face. Apart from complete and utter humiliation, there was also a curiosity, a certain look of interest that didn't sit well with Dean. It bothered him, but Dean didn't dwell too long on it.

Once they were far away, Dean stopped. "What was that?" He asked her.

"What?" She shrugged.

"THAT! How did you do it?" Then he remembered, she was a yoga freak. How many times had he seen her in those yoga pants?

She straightened her beanie. A sign of nervousness. Of course she doesn't want to talk about things she is good at. "I just practice a lot."

"Yoga, yeah."

"You should try it sometimes," she suggested. "It keeps me sane through all the sleeplessness."

She would get along well with Sam who didn't miss a day of his morning run.

The street was buzzing with people now, college students, teenagers and even young families. Dean was wary about the sort of games Y/N was attracted to. Wrestle the hand, High Striker and such. He had to drag her away from those towards the saner, aiming games. But it was fun to see her hit the hammer harder than the muscled boys and hit the mark on High striker. He made sure he captured every moment with his camera.

She wasn't any good at aiming though. None out of the 10 cans. So maybe she wasn't CIA after all.

"That's not how you do it," Dean corrected her gently.

"Teach me!" She commanded.

He positioned his hands over her shoulders tenderly and pushed them back a little, then extended his right hand along hers and corrected the way she was holding the cork gun. Placing his chin over her shoulder, he guided her other hand to the trigger.

Dean wanted her to make that shot. He wanted to help her aim right, because, if he missed the shot, he knew he'd never hear the end of it, but it was so hard. The honey-cinnamon wafting off her, the pleasurable warmth exuding from her body and the touch of her back against his chest- it overwhelmed him. He was acutely aware of his heart thudding so loudly in his chest, he was sure Y/N could feel it, caged in his arms that she was. In fact, he was beyond certain that she could even hear his gulp, feel his nervousness.

What was the meaning of all of this? Why was he feeling this way? Tingly and all warm.

But he took the shot nevertheless; wrapped a finger around hers over the trigger, closed his eyes and pulled it.

The tumbling of the can echoed even through the bustling noise. But what rang clearer was her delighted laugh, like crystals of a chandelier swaying against each other on a breezy night. Y/N turned in the circle of his arms, throwing her own arms around his body.

The moment froze. It wasn't only time directing his existence anymore, it was her presence all around him.

"You did it, Dean! We did it!" She cheered.

And while her fingertips found his lower back, he let go of her, the truth hitting him like a ton of ice. Her seconds of exultation felt like an eternity to Dean, but still not long enough.

When she broke apart from him, her face glowing with glee, he had to fight the urge to hold her again and avert his mind from thoughts of how close her lips were to his. It made his stomach drop right through the floor.

"C'mon! We get to pick a toy from there."

They were all old and seemingly musty toys, but seeing Y/N's enthusiasm, Dean didn't say a word. Instead, he watched as she went through the items and picked up a very fluffy pink stuffed rabbit. It did make him realise one thing though, no one had ever done this for her… What sort of background did she have?

As they walked to towards the carousel, he took his time to simply watch her while she inspected the rabbit, trying to control the overwhelming emotions in his heart. Maybe getting to know her wasn't the smartest idea after all. Before, Dean could ignore her, even dislike her and as annoying as it was, he could live it. But how was he supposed to live with this new feeling coursing through him?

"Tell me something," Dean said, after they had left the carousel, because Y/N had refused to spend her free time going around a pole. Dean suspected motion-sickness.

"It's still my turn to ask question, but you can continue, since you won me this rabbit."

He smiled. He wanted to ask one particular question, but he changed his mind at the last moment and asked something else. "Why do you wear that beanie all the time? It's 80 degrees."

"Keeps the hair off of my face and neck. Is there anything more annoying than sweaty hair on your neck?"

"I- I wouldn't know," he said. Dean didn't know what he expected out of the question, but surely not such a simple answer.

"We should head to the diner… I'm assuming you're buying me a dinner like you promised?" There was something too sly about her glance.

"Yeah, course," he said, then continued, hurriedly. "Screw the game. You can ask me as many questions later as you want, but I have to know. What do you do for a living?"

She contemplated, and Dean knew he wasn't going to get a straight answer even before she spoke. "I work in the tertiary sector."

He groaned. "That could be anything from a bartender to a hit man!"

"Hit woman," she corrected. "Or, I could be both."

Fair enough. He had a fair guess that it was something that she was passionate about, because she didn't seem like someone who would settle too much.

The diner was also buzzing with people. Dean remembered the first time he'd been here- on his first day in the town, with Benny. Maybe his face showed and Y/N inquired. He told her all about Benny. How, growing up, Benny had been his closest friend and confidant.

"After… after what happened to your mom, I'm sure you could've used a friend," she said hesitantly.

Actually, Benny was there more when he needed help with his father.

She guided him to an empty table at the very corner, sliding in opposite to him. "I'm gonna have a big burger with large fries," she declared. "What about you?"

"Same."

Instead of one of the waitresses, the owner spotted Y/N, and made her way over.

"Long time, no see?" The older woman grinned.

Y/N grinned back. "You know the hours, Ellen. In fact, it's getting crazier lately."

"You work too hard, baby girl," Ellen grinned. "But it's good to see you. At least, I'll have something to tell Jo the next time she calls."

Y/N laughed. "Tell her I miss her."

"Sure thing, kiddo. The usual?"

While Y/N sorted their order, Dean was surprised to see her interact with someone she knew.

She also introduced Dean as her friend and Ellen gave her a raised eyebrow.

Once the owner was gone, he asked. "Who's Jo?"

"Ellen's daughter."

"You friends with her?" Would be interesting to see how Y/N was with her friends.

But she surprised Dean by giving him a peculiar smile… She looked guilty but also mischievous. Like a kid caught stealing cookies. "Errrr…. Actually we went around for a while."

"Oh-" Wow.

"But that was years ago, when I first moved in here 7 years ago. It wasn't official or anything, just two teenagers fooling around," she explained.

"What happened?" Dean asked, despite himself.

She laughed, surprising him again. "Nothing. She got accepted into the college she wanted and moved to the east coast. It's been years since I saw her. I think she's engaged or something."

"So, you haven't dated since?"

"What do I look like? A hermit?" She seemed to find his question silly, but the anxiety rolling within him was anything but. "I haven't dated in a while though, the last guy I dated turned out to be a dick."

Dean laughed, relieved.

"You find that funny?"

"Not at all," he raised his hands. After the initial relief, he was subdued by the reason behind his relief. What was his expecting? So Y/N was interested in men, too, that shouldn't matter to him. It shouldn't make him feel so happy inside. So, his voice was somber when he added. "No one should be a dick to you, you deserve better. You deserve best."

Y/N gave him the piercing look again, but her features were all soft.

The plates clanged on the table, breaking the moment. "Here's your food, Y/N," Ellen said. "Eat up!"

Dean picked at his fries, his stomach already too full of butterflies and denial. But he had to distract himself somehow so she needed to keep talking.

"What're you gonna do with all that money?" He asked.

"Haven't decided yet." She didn't pursue the topic further, but she had lots to talk about the fair, and Dean found himself mesmerized with the way she spoke in that oddly deep and husky voice. She was both expressive and quiet at the same time, strangely melodic. He had to make an effort to pay attention to what she was saying and not get lost in the lull of her unique voice.

So much that he almost forgot to keep up his end of the promise and pay… almost.

She was laughing more freely by the time they walked up the stairs- the lift was out again. Y/N was sure to tell him the peculiarities about each and every tenant. She had been staying here longer than any of them. He had more fun cursing the lady downstairs than he should have.

Once they were inside the apartment, Y/N shut the door behind them and Dean was suddenly hyperaware about the fact that it was just two of them. No one to interrupt their conversation, no one but just him and her. His heart accelerated once more and he wanted to kick himself for landing in this situation. Every minute with her behind that closed door was going to be a torture of its own kind now.

An inspiration struck him.

"I want to show you something," he said quietly, nervous.

"Yeah?"

Dean moved quickly, before he could change his mind and grabbed her hand. "Come."

He guided her to his room and pushed the door, letting them both in, but Y/N stood there rigidly. "You sure you want me in there?"

"Of course," he said as genially as he could, trying not to give away his anxiousness.

Y/N stepped inside cautiously, her eyes roaming all over the place, taking in the way he had stacked his books on the corner, arranged the few things he owned over the shelves, the pale grey walls and the haphazardly made bed. There were scrolls of sheets carelessly strewn along the wall next to his work table, where his laptop rested. Dean placed the camera right next to it.

Her eyes, however, were trained on the two photographs resting against his bedside lamp.

"Is that Sam?" She asked, pointing to the larger one where he and his brother were laughing. "He looks happy."

"I should hope," he said. "I sure tried."

She walked up to pick the photo, examining it carefully, then picked the other one too, where his mom was hugging him from behind, laughing. "I was right… she's absolutely beautiful."

Dean said nothing. Suddenly, there was something stuck in his throat.

"Tell you what," she said, placing the photos back where they belonged, and taking a seat at the edge of his bed. "I think your mom would have been pretty frickin proud of how you turned out. Looking after your brother the way you did, the sacrifices you made, that's pretty commendable. Not everyone would have done that."

He could have said anything then, thanked her or even told her about the jumble of thoughts in his head, but instead, he mumbled something about using the bathroom, and rushed out of the room.

Once inside, he splashed the water over his face once, then twice more, trying to clear his mind of her words and even of those memories- her smooth fingers gripping his, her soft body pressed against his, and even now, in the dimly lit bathroom, his body reacted to that memory, his hands itched to pull her back to him, his skin thirsted to feel hers against it.

As a last resort, he stripped and stepped underneath the shower, trying to fruitlessly drown himself in something other than her. Once the hot water had ran out, he dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist.

It had been a while since he'd left Y/N in his room. He was fully expecting her to be back behind her red door by the time he entered it. But the scene that met his eyes, took his breath away. Y/N was lying curled on her side in the middle of his bed, deep asleep.

The soft smile on her lips made Dean's heart melt and he couldn't help but return it.

As silently as he could, he put on his T-shirt and boxers, then slowly removed Y/N's shoes, stacking them at the foot of the bed. He softly urged her to let him remove her satchel that was still slung across her torso and her jacket off of her, placing them next to her shoes. Sleepily, she obliged, further letting him adjust her on the bed. He placed a pillow under her head.

Y/N groaned, then in an effort to get more comfortable, pulled off her beanie. A flurry of wild, untamed Y/H/C hair fell out from underneath it, taking Dean by surprise. He hadn't given much thought to what color her hair was, in fact, he'd never tried to decipher her appearance at all. She wasn't the girl who would immediately catch your attention the moment you walked into the room, no. But once you saw her, she became more and more beautiful with every passing second, till there came a point where you'd question yourself how you didn't find her the most exquisite from the first second itself.

Gently, he swept the locks off of her face. He was so close to her now, all he had to do was to bend down a little and kiss her forehead. However, he backed right off. Just when he was about to get off the floor to head to the sofa outside, Y/N's hand found his, and half asleep she mumbled, "Don't."

The emotion he felt in that moment was without a precedent. Right then, Dean knew there was no fighting this feeling. He could try, he could wage a war with himself, but each time he would lose, and lose happily.

A resigned sigh left his lips as he pried her fingers off his wrist. He'd have spent the night on the sofa, but he didn't want to disrespect her wishes.

He switched the lights off, laid his blanket over her and spread the extra sheet on the carpet next to the bed. Then laid down on it, using her bumpy satchel as the pillow. In the moonlight trickling from the window, she looked like a goddess, a forbidden nymph he wasn't supposed to see. It was impossible to see her as the annoying girl from a month ago. With every moment he spent with her, she just became more unbelievable.

As he watched her sleeping form, Dean was absolutely certain of two things. One, he had to find out what had happened to her. Not secretly, but rather, he'd wait for as long as it took for her to trust him enough to tell him herself and willingly.

And second, that he wasn't just in danger of falling for her anymore. He knew it with absolute certainty, felt it in his gut, saw it even behind closed lids that he already had and now, there was no going back from it.

*******************************

A/N 2: Did anticipate the reader’s reaction at the start of the chapter? Do you think the reader likes him too?

Also, how screwed is Dean? ;) I hope y’all liked this chapter. Love you guys <3

A/N 3: Please do consider reblogging my work and leaving feedback. Reblogging helps spread it, and also helps against the “best posts first” option tumblr has. The more the notes, the less chance of it getting buried beneath others posts. And the comments are what keep me going. I love you guys and I’ll be in forever grateful <3

The taglist for this series is CLOSED!

However, here’s my side blog @percywinchester27-writes. You can give that blog a follow and turn the notifications on to know about updates.

UR taglist:

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[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 9/10/21 - MALIGNANT, THE CARD COUNTER, TIFF 2021, LANGUAGE LESSONS, THE ALPINIST, EVERYBODY’S TALKING ABOUT JAMIE, FAUCI, and More!

Before we get to this week’s releases-- and there are a lot of them, though not necessarily wide releases -- I probably should mention that the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) is beginning this week up North across the board. I was unable to go in person, more due to the money than any worries about COVID. (Honestly, I have no idea what’s going on at the border right now between America and Canada, but I figured I better wait it out before attending TIFF in person… until I can actually afford it.)

This year’s TIFF offers a lot of premieres, most of them taking place in physical theaters in Toronto, such as Edgar Wright’s, Last Night in Soho, (which just premiered in Venice) and Universal’s musical, Dear Evan Hansen, as well as David Gordon Green’s horror sequel, Halloween Kills (which also just played in Venice oddly). Other movies playing TIFF include Jane Campion’s The Power of the Dog, and The Electrical Life of Louis Wain, both which star Benedict Cumberbatch. Mihael Peace's Encounter, starring Riz Ahmed and Octavia Spencer, and docs like Julia (as in "Child") and Attica. There’s even a doc about the Canadian rock band, Triumph! (I’m looking forward to that one.) Antoine Fuqua’s remake of the German film, The Guilty, starring TIFF regular Jake Gyllenhaal, will have its premiere, and many, many more. Too many to watch, let alone write about, but I’ll try to review a few of these over at Below the Line and maybe some here. (There are also lots of movies that premiered at Cannes in July that will play at TIFF, and some of those will also play at New York Film Festival later this month, which is where I’ll see them.)

A movie that I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time and is finally seeing the light of day is James Wan’s return to horror, MALIGNANT (Warner Bros.). Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll have a chance to see this before Friday, which is a bit of a bummer, but I’ll look forward to seeing it with the common people in a theater. Because I’m looking forward to this movie so much, I haven’t even watched the latest trailer, so I really don’t know too much about it, which may be for the better.

Of course, you know Wan’s name from some of the most successful horror franchises of the past two decades, starting with Saw in 2004. After a few movies that didn’t do quite so well, Wan reteamed with his Saw collaborator Leigh Whannell for Insidious in 2010, which also did very well and created a similarly successful franchise. (Whannell would go on to direct the third movie in the series, the respectable sci-fi thriller Upgrade, and then he directed 2020’s The Invisible Man for Universal, which was also a substantial hit.) Meanwhile Wan went on to direct The Conjuring in 2013 and its 2016 sequel, The Conjuring 2, based on the true case files of supernatural investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, played by regular Wan collaborator Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. Both of those “Conjuring” movies opened with $40 million+, and you guessed it, they also led to hugely successful franchises for Warner Bros with spin-offs galore.

Although Wan has been making big studio mega-blockbusters like Furious 7 and Aquaman in recent years -- and he’s hard at work on a sequel to the latter -- Malignant is his return to horror after a whole five years, which certainly is exciting for horror fans and those who love Wan’s style of horror particularly.

One thing that’s become fairly obvious from writing about box office over the past couple decades is that horror movies are rarely sold on the names of their stars, although Wan has a fine lead in the form of Annabelle Wallis, who just so happened to have starred in the 2014 The Conjuring prequel called Annabelle, which did quite well. (No, she did not play the title doll Annabelle, if you haven't seen it.) And that’s about it. The fact that Wan can do whatever he wants these days, and he decides to return to the horror genre without stacking the deck with all sorts of name actor, is pretty impressive. Even Saw had bigger names actors like Carey Elwes and Danny Glover!

Although I don’t know much about Malignant, it’s definitely giving me vibes of Sam Raimi’s Drag Me To Hell, the horror master’s return to horror after making three “Spider-Man” movies. Although it’s well-loved by horror fans, it ended up opening with just $15.8 million in the summer of 2009. That’s a little daunting when you figure that Malignant is opening in September and in the second weekend of a huge blockbuster like Marvel’s Shang-Chi.

But there’s something else that’s been bugging me, as excited as I am to see the movie. I’ve been doing this a long time, and Warner Bros. has become almost legendary for screening all their movies in advance… every single one. I can maybe think of two examples of movies that didn’t get advance critics screenings. Malignant is screening for critics but only on Thursday night with an embargo Thursday at 10pm. That is not the move of a studio confident in a movie they’re releasing. Maybe it’s to avoid spoilers or maybe it’s ‘cause Malignant returns Wan to the craziness of the Insidious movies rather than the more commercial and mainstream horror of The Conjuring movies. I don’t know, cause I haven’t seen it, but I'm still gonna go see it on Friday night, ‘cause I like James and want to fully support his movie.

But that adds another layer of foreboding to the horror movie that will also be on HBO Max Friday, and it’ll be so easy for the curious to just hit “play” on their remote to watch it that way, which is what I think most people will do. Because of this, I’m struggling to find a way that Malignant makes more than $13 million, taking quite a distant second place to Shang-Chi in its second weekend.

Opening in roughly 500 theaters Friday is Paul Schrader’s THE CARD COUNTER (Focus Features), which stars Oscar Isaac as former prison inmate and professional gambler, “William Tell,” who drives around the casino circuit making money by playing blackjack and poker. He meets two people on his journey that changes the course of his path, the first being Tye Sheridan’s Cirk (Yes, with a “C”), a young man whose father ended up killing himself after serving time in military prison for crimes at Abu Ghraib. Tiffany Haddish plays La Lina, a woman who sees Will’s talent playing cards and wants to put him in her stable of players. The relationship between these three characters is what keeps the movie interesting even when there are only a few minor dramatic fireworks.

If there’s any doubt that Schrader, a significant Hollywood player in the ‘70s and ‘80s, is firing on all cylinders then The Card Counter confirms that 2017’s First Reformed was no fluke, as Schrader remains valid and important well into his 70s. Like First Reformed, this film features an undeniably solid performance from Isaac, who plays such a subdued character, an enigma who every so often truly explodes.

Sheridan's sheepish Cirk seems like an odd choice in road companion, although Haddish proves to be quite a counter (pun intended) to Isaac, as she seems far more comfortable in Will's world. Trying to understand Will and what he sees in Cirk and why he joins the World Poker Tour circuit despite wanting to remain anonymous is what keeps The Card Counter so invigorating. (One odd thing is that despite the title and the opening which literally teaches the viewer how to count cards while playing Blackjack, in most of the movie he’s actually playing poker.)

Folks who enjoy poker movies and the intricacies of Vegas and the gambling community in general should really enjoy The Card Counter for that aspect alone, but then there's the past of the main character, which ties into Abu Ghraib and the horrors of the tortures committed there. Some might feel that two decades after 9/11 isn't the best time to bring those crimes back to the forefront, but Schrader ably explores what it must have been like for the military torturers after they were convicted.

Few screenwriters and filmmakers could pull off what Schrader does in terms of combining these elements, as the story weaves itself through these very different worlds. Frequent Schrader collaborator, Willem Dafoe, takes on a smaller but still significant role as “Gordo,” Will’s commanding officer who trained him to torture. Even so, one of my favorite moments is a scene in a diner where Will performs a card trick for Cirk that would make the late Ricky Jay proud just adds to one's enjoyment.

I will say that I wasn’t as thrilled by the movie’s last ten minutes, as it feels like Schrader ran out of steam in terms of how to resolve all the pieces of a puzzle, leaving a couple pieces out before completion. Regardless, The Card Counter is a constantly compelling film that keeps you invested in the different characters’ behavior as things happen to and around them.

As far as box office, The Card Counter isn't getting a very wide release but with so many movies in the top 10 quickly dropping away leaving movies like Shang-Chi at the top, it should leave room for Schrader's film to inch its way into the top 10 and maybe even the top 5!

A movie I’m unlikely to see and know very little… okay… nothing… about is the faith-based SHOW ME THE FATHER (Sony/AFFIRM Films), which will open in about 1,000 theaters on Friday. Okay, fine, you twisted my arm, and I looked it up. This is a new documentary about fatherhood from the Kendrick Brothers, the duo behind faith-based hits like War Room, Courageous, and Fireproof. I've seen none of those movies, though I know all of them exceeded expectations, but this is also a doc, and those rarely do as well at the box office. I wish I could give you a definitive number for this, but something makes me think it won’t make more than $2 million, even if the religious right seem less worried about COVID and vaccines and wearing masks in movie theaters than everyone else. Expect it to end up in the bottom of the Top 10 with lots of confused movie writers not knowing what it is.

Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste (who have appeared both on The Good Place and in Veronica Mars together) co-star in the comedy QUEENPINS (STXfilms), which is being released straight to Cinemark Theaters on Friday and then it will be on Paramount+ on Sept. 30.

In the movie, based on a true story, Bell plays Connie Kominski, a suburban Phoenix housewife who thrills to saving money with coupons, hatches a scheme with her best friend JoJo (Howell-Baptiste) to sell coupons via mail, not realizing that what they’re doing is illegal as they rack up millions of dollars. Unfortunately, they have Paul Walter Hauser’s Loss Prevention Manager Ken Miller on their tail, and he teams with postal inspector Simon Kilmurry (Vince Vaughn) to try to catch them women trying to scam the supermarkets.

This movie, written and directed by Aron Gaudet and Gita Pullapilly, actually is based on a true story, but it took me a little while to get into it, and it definitely had its ups and downs. The first thing one has to get past is the fact that this is essentially a heist film that involves illicit coupons, and at first, Connie writing letters of complaint to companies comes across a bit like a Greenberg for middle-aged women. (Note: that film's star, Ben Stiller is one of the movie's exec. producers.) On the other hand, Kristen Bell tends to be great in this kind of role and you can tell she's worked with Ms. Howell-Baptiste from their organic chemistry as best friends. Joel McHale has a tougher time fitting in as Connie's husband Rick, but that actually works in this case. (A little trivia fact: McHale, Howell-Baptiste and Natalie Morales, whose directorial debut is reviewed below, all appeared in BenDavid Grabinski's Happily, as did Stephen Root, who has a small role in Queenpins.)

Queenpins eventually falls into a steadier pace with the introduction of Hauser's character and then bringing Vaughn into the mix, although the two of them have very little interaction with the two female leads, as the film instead cuts between the two duos. Hauser essentially seems to be playing a jokier version of Richard Jewell here, constantly trying to get more involved in the case and wanting to be deputized by Vaughn. The two of them work well together, and there's only one unfortunate scene involving… it's too disgusting to mention, but it's where the film needlessly delves into gross-out humor, and that's also where it falters.

As much as the law in this movie act like buffoons, the two ladies don't seem very much smarter, doing idiotic things like buying Lamborghinis and guns in order to "clean” the illicit money from the coupon-selling scam. Because of that, Queenpins gets sillier and sillier and feels less like any sort of possible true story as it goes along. The movie basically comes across like a less skilled version of Butter, but in that case, it was a movie that shouldn't have worked but did. In this case, it's the exact opposite.

Cinemark Theaters only has about 331 theaters across America, including a lot in Texas, California, and Ohio, but honestly, I don't think awareness is high enough for Queenpins for it to make much of a mark, but even if it makes less than a million, it could theoretically break into the top 10 this weekend, but I think it will fall just short.

The movies above are the only ones that may be going even remotely wide, so because of that, this weekend’s box office will look something like this with Shang-Chi remaining #1 with relative ease, Malignant taking a distant second, and Candyman and Free Guy fighting it out for #3.

1. Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (Marvel/Disney) - $33.5 million -56%

2. Malignant (Warner Bros.) - $13.6 million N/A

3. Candyman (Universal) - $4.8 million -53%

4. Free Guy (20th Century/Disney) - $4.5 million -42%

5. The Card Counter (Focus) - $2.2 million N/A

6. Jungle Cruise (Walt Disney Pictures) - $2.1 million -48%

7. Paw Patrol: The Movie (Paramount) - $2 million -50%

8. Show Me the Father (Sony/AFFIRM) - $2 million N/A

9. Don’t Breathe 2 (Sony/Screen Gems) - $2 million -30%

10. Respect (MGM) - $600,000 -57%

--- Queenpins (STXfilms) - $445,000 N/A

It was tough to pick a “Chosen One” this week, because there are a few decent films, but I had to go with Natalie Morales’ directorial debut, LANGUAGE LESSONS (Shout! Studios!), which she co-wrote and co-stars in with Mark Duplass. I saw it at SXSW back in March, and I loved it just as much a second time around, due to the simplicity of the premise and just how much Morales and her co-star do using similar Zoom technology we’ve all been using for the past 18 months. Duplass plays wealthy Californian Adam, whose husband buys him a series of Spanish lessons, given over Zoom by Morales’ character Cariño, who lives in Costa Rica.

You might think after over a year of mostly communicating with family and friends via Zoom, we’d be so sick of it that a movie that uses that as a conceit would be absolutely horrible, but maybe that’s why it’s easier to connect with what Morales and Duplass were attempting with this terrific piece of work. How these two people from different backgrounds interact begins slowly as might be the case while getting online language lessons from a new teacher. As they become more comfortable with each other, there’s more playfulness, as they begin to open up to each other. (Adam's Spanish teacher definitely has a dark side that comes out as things go along.)

I’m not sure if there was a lot of improvisation involved with the script as with some of the films Duplass did with the wonderful Lynn Shelton, but however they put this film together, it works in a similar way where it’s charming and funny, even during some of the more emotional moments. Because Duplass’ character is declared as gay fairly on, there's none of the attempts at making this some sort of meet-cute romance, as may have been the case with a studio movie. There's also never anything lascivious or creepy about their relationship, which makes some of the moments a little confounding, but ultimately, it all pays off.

Even though there’s a certain aspect of the movie that makes you want it to be kept organic and authentic-feeling, there is some gentle scoring by Gaby Moren that’s kept far behind the dialogue that does add something subliminal to the film.

Language Lessons is absolutely delightful -- definitely one of my favorite films of the year -- maybe because it thrives on its own simplicity by just having two actors doing what they do best.

Another great movie coming out in select theaters Friday is EVERYBODY’S TALKING ABOUT JAMIE (Amazon), starring Max Harwood as Jamie New, a fairly normal gay 16-year-old from Sheffield, England… other than the fact that he wants to be a drag queen. His mother Margaret (Sarah Lancashire) supports him, as does his best friend Pritti (Lauren Patel) but Jamie risks the ridicule and mocking and bullying of his entire Year 11 class as he proclaims his desire to attend prom in drag. This is the feature debut by Jonathan Butterell, a choreographer who directed the original stageplay.

I honestly wasn't really sure what to expect when I went to a theater to see this with a real audience. For one thing, I had no idea it was a musical. I had seen Max on some morning show talking about the movie and how it was based on the true story of Jamie Campbell, a British teen who wanted to be a drag queen, but I don’t remember him saying anything about singing or dancing. And the music and performances are all terrific, including all the young actors playing Jamie’s schoolmates, who have more than a few spectacular numbers to show off their own skills. (They’re kind of like the Greek chorus for the film.)

Harwood is exceedingly likeable, which is why he can carry this film, but it’s then an even bigger joy when Richard E. Grant shows up in a mentor role, as former drag queen “Loco Channel.” Grant has proven countless times he can do anything, and though his singing voice takes some adjusting to, it also leads to two absolutely amazing moments. Same with Lauren Patel and Sarah Lancashire, who each have numbers that would bring down the house on a Broadway stage but just gets the tears flowing as you’re watching on the screen. Sharon Horgan, who was just in the recent drama Together, plays more of the antagonist role as Jamie’s disapproving teacher, and her one number does not show that singing is one of her talents. (She does okay, and gets through it, at least.)

That aside, Everybody’s Talking About Jamie is a truly wonderful musical (and movie), one that took me quite by surprise, since I wasn't expecting something a bit more "Free to Be You and Me” (look it up). In fact, Harwood shines, and the cast around him does as well; the fact this musical was able to bring out so many emotions from me offers proof positive that it's a true winner.

Jamie is opening in select theaters this Friday, and then it will stream on Amazon Prime Video starting Sept. 17. I recommend going out and seeing it in a theater if it’s playing near you; it’s a real crowdpleaser, for sure.

Also launching on Amazon this Friday is the series, THE VOYEURS (Amazon), starring the terrific Sidney Sweeney (who many will know from Mike White’s The White Lotus on HBO Max) and Justice Smith as a young couple who move into a loft apartment in Downtown Montreal after which they become interested in the sex life of their neighbors across the street (played by Ben Hardy and Natash Liu Bordizzo).

I’ve really been looking forward to the action-thriller KATE (Netflix), starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who I love, so sue me. It also stars Woody Harrelson, who I’m also a fan of. Directed by Cedric Nicholas-Troyan (The Huntsman: Winter’s War), it has Winstead playing Kate, a kick-ass assassin who has 24 hours to get revenge on the man who tries to kill her, eventually teaming with the daughter of one of her targets. Harrelson plays her handler.

The fact that this movie, starring one of my favorite actresses playing an assassin and doing a bit more action than we've seen from Winstead in a while (Birds of Prey being an exception), comes so soon after The Protégé with Maggie Q may only be a coincidence, but whoever is making these movies clearly knows what I'm all about. This one also has a very tiny sci-fi angle as well, and much of it is set in Tokyo, so it has both those things going for it, too.

Is this Winstead's best role or movie? No, probably not, but it does show her versatility, the fact that she can do something like Scott Pilgrim and other types of genre, but also do serious drama, and this is much stronger a venture into a Japanese yakuza thriller by a Westerner than last week's Yakuza Princess. Much of that comes down to Winstead and Harrelson, who do a much better job selling even the weaker dialogue, because you can tell they're both taking it very seriously. Like Yakuza Princess (and Kill Bill, a model for both of them) Nicholas-Troyan leans heavily on his soundtrack and on some of the more stylish visuals, but at least this one offers other things beyond the constantly-circling camera in certain scenes.

Let's face it that watching Winstead taking part in some pretty impressive and violent fight and stunt sequences would probably be more than enough for me to enjoy this even, if there are moments that rip-off Kill Bill so obviously but again, better than other similar rip-offs. Eventually, Kate gets sidled with a young teen girl, Ani (Miku Martineau), the daughter of one of her victims, and that does take away from the "sole assassin” aspect but does give it more of the feel of The Professional. Maybe that would work better if Martineau didn’t seem much older than the teenager she was meant to be playing, which might be due to the fact that she swears more than Samuel L. Jackson. In some ways, Ani offers something more akin to Black Widow with a third act twist that few will see coming.

Ultimately, the movie works well as an action movie, if not slightly marred by its overuse of clichés. It probably will come as no surprise that I prefer seeing action movies like this on the biggest screen possible in a theater, and in fact, this did get a nominal theatrical run last week before streaming on Netflix Friday. Winstead's badassery does wonders at making sure that fans of her and the genre won't be disappointed by its few flaws.

Also hitting Netflix this week (today, in fact) is the doc BLOOD BROTHERS: MALCOLM X & MUHAMMAD ALI (Netflix), which has a fairly self-explanatory title. I haven't seen it yet.

A movie that people who liked the Oscar-winning Free Solo will also want to check out is Peter Mortimer and Nick Rosen’s THE ALPINIST (Red Bull Media/Roadside Attractions/Universal), a documentary about the 23-year-old solo mountain climber Marc-André Leclerc, whose amazing climbs were counterbalanced by his elusive behavior that kept him mostly under the radar for so many years.

This is a very different movie from Free Solo, though. That was about Alex Honnold's determination to make one singular climb, while Leclerc was already making just as many impressive climbs at a younger age. It's pretty obvious that Leclerc was destined to climb even bigger rock faces as Mortimer (whose previous film, The Dawn Wall, was sadly overlooked with all the push behind Free Solo) and Rosen finally catch up with him.

I don't really want to say too much more about the film or Leclerc, since it's best to learn about him through the movie and the amazing interviews compiled by the filmmaking duo. There's a good reason why mountain climbing continues to be of interest to the casual non-climbers like myself. Great films like The Alpinist find ways to glorify these amazing climbers without glossing over how dangerous mountain climbing can be as a sport or hobby.

The Alpinist had a Fathom Event on Tuesday night, but it will also be getting a moderately wide release in theaters through Roadside this Friday as well. You can read my interviews with the filmmakers over at Below the Line, too. Also, I mentioned another Universal doc, Under the Volcano, a few weeks back, and I have an interview with those filmmakers over at Below the Line, as well.

Another doc of note out this week is FAUCI (NatGeo Documentary/Magnolia) from directors John Hoffman and Janet Tobias, which looks at the life and career of NIH Director Dr. Anthony Fauci, but it doesn't deal with the last year and a half where Fauci's main focus was fighting COVID. No, this goes back to earlier in his career, to when he started at NIH, meeting, working with and eventually marrying his wife, Dr. Christine Grady. (Nope, I had no idea he was married either.)

More importantly, the movie follows Fauci's role in the discovery of HIV and AIDs and the conflicts between the government and protest groups like ACT UP who didn't think Fauci and the government did enough to help the gay community fight against AIDS and certainly not fast enough to make a difference.

Hoffman and Tobias’ doc has a fantastic interview with Fauci at its core that sometimes gets a little cutesy, but also allows him to talk candidly about his efforts in fighting disease, including the efforts to help fight Ebola in Africa where it was so debilitating for those who couldn't afford medicine that the USA had to step in.

But AIDS is really the crux of the film's exploration of Fauci's past achievements (and partial failures), and watching a younger Fauci talking to the AIDS activists in a rousing speech is one of the highlights, as is watching the present-day Fauci tearing up while talking about an AIDS patient who died.

I’ve always had a bit of a skewed perspective on epidemiologists and infectious disease doctors due to a few incidents when I was fighting cancer, and Fauci has annoyed me for the good part of the year by being so wishy-washy and negative towards movie theaters (which led to a full-year of closings in NYC with no major super-spreader cases since they reopened). But this documentary definitely helped change my mind about Fauci, maybe because the general public really never had a chance to meet or know him or his work before COVID hit.

Fauci is quite a fantastic doc in terms of shining the spotlight on a needlessly controversial figure who has been politicized despite having held his position through six administrations. I would definitely point someone to this doc if they still feel negatively towards the country’s top epidemiologist. It helps to humanize Fauci much like the RBG doc did for the late Supreme Court Justice.

Seriously, there are so many movies this week that there’s no way I’m gonna review everything, but you can read about a few of them below.

A music doc hitting New York on Friday and then opening in L.A. on Sept. 17 is Tom Surgals's FIRE MUSIC: The Story of Free Jazz (Submarine Deluxe), exec. produced by Nels Cline and Thurston Moore (who happens to be playing his first NYC show in a couple years this Sunday). It covers the free jazz movement of the '60s and '70s that produced the likes of Ornette Coleman, Cecil Taylor, Sun Ra, Albert Ayler, and John Coltrane. The movie features archival footage from the '60s jazz scene and interviews with key players, including critic Gary Giddins. I'm not going to review this, but it's pretty good, because I definitely had a phase when I was really into this type of jazz, basically all-improvisational with less structure than the jazz that uses charts and such. I know that a lot of people hate or misunderstand the musical style but it's quite stirring, as is Surgal's film. I do feel you'll already have to be a fan of the musical genre to enjoy the movie, though.

Hitting Apple TV+ on Friday is the filmed version of the Broadway musical, COME FROM AWAY (Apple TV+) -- similar to last year’s Hamilton and David Byrne’s American Utopia -- which is being released on the streamer to coincide with the 20th anniversary of 9/11, since the musical is loosely based on the events. It was filmed earlier this year, 14 months into the pandemic that shut down Broadway with a fully-masked audience watching Broadway’s first live performance since the shut-down. This is one of the MANY musicals on Broadway that I’ve never gotten around to seeing but it involves a town in Newfoundland, Canada where a plane lands on 9/11 as they’ve been diverted following the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center.

Claire Lewins’ doc THE WONDERFUL: STORIES FROM THE SPACE STATION (Dog Star Films/Universal Home Entertainment) features footage from the International Space Station and interviews with the astronauts who have been involved with the extraordinary space project. I hope to watch this over the weekend, but it sounds like my kind of movie.

Already on Apple TV+ (it debuted Tuesday!) is Bailie Walsh’s BEING JAMES BOND, a documentary about Daniel Craig’s run as 007 over the past decade plus, which you can rent for FREE on Apple, so go do that!

On Monday, FX and FX on Hulu will debut the first few episodes of Y THE LAST MAN, the new series based on the Vertigo comic series by Brian K. Vaughn and Pia Guerra that I absolutely loved. Set in a world where every single male human and animal has died, it stars Ben Schnetzer (Pride, Warcraft) as Yorick, who is -- you guessed it-- the last man on earth. He’s also an escape artist/magician, trying to survive with his pet capuchin monkey, Ampersand, as he goes across country trying to find his girlfriend Beth who left for Australia before the event. It also stars Diane Lane (as Yorick’s mother, who becomes the President), Olivia Thirlby (as his sister Hero), Ashley Romans (as Agent 355), Missi Pyle, and lots of other actresses (because all the men are dead). I’m slowly making my way through the series, and I like what I've seen so far, but the first three episodes will premiere on Monday.

A few other movies, a couple that I’ve seen, which I just don’t have time to review…

Nicholas Cage stars in Sion Sono's PRISONERS OF THE GHOSTLAND (RLJEfilms), which opens at the IFC Center this Friday. He plays a bank robber who is sprung from jail by Bill Moseley's "Governor" whose adopted granddaughter (Sofia Boutella) has gone missing. Cage's character is allowed to go free to find her, but he's put in a suit that will self-destruct in three days if he doesn't return. So it's kind of like The Suicide Squad, and though it has an interesting cast (including Nick Cassavetes, who also appears in Queenpins this week), I don't remember liking this much at Sundance earlier this year. (I actually don't thnk I got through the movie.)

John Pollono adapts his own stageplay SMALL ENGINE REPAIR (Vertical) to the screen with John Bernthal and Shea Whigham playing life-long friends Terrance and Packie with Pollono’s Frank, who are overly protective of Terrance’s teen daughter, Crystal (Ciaro Bravo). A chance encounter turns into a night that spins out of control as the friends have to make a tough decision about how to resolve the situation. I was pretty mixed on this movie even though Bernthal and Whigham continue to be great in everything they do. (I just think Whigham's recent movie, The Gateway, was better.)

Hitting the horror-streaming network Shudder (I have a subscription, because I’m a fan) on Thursday is Ruth Platt’s MARTYR’S LANE, a ghost story about a 10-year-old girl named Leah (Kiera Thompson) who lives in an old house with her family but whose mother has grown distant. At night, she’s visited by a guest who challenges Leah in exchange for more information about the house and her family.

Saul Williams stars and writes the score for Charles Officer’s AKILLA’S ESCAPE (Vertical), a crime noir about an urban child soldier set in Toronto and New York with Williams playing Akilla, a 40-year-old with a covert cannabis operation that goes legit. As he’s ready to cash out, he’s robbed by a group of masked youths. Akilla captures one of them, a mute 15-year-old named Sheppard that is associated with the Jamaican crime syndicate founded by his grandfather.

Jonah Feingold’s DATING & NEW YORK (IFC Films), which premiered at the Tribeca Festival a few months back, stars Francesca Reale (Stranger Things) and Jaboukie Young-White (The Daily Show) as Wendy and Milo, two Millennials who are thrown together at the worst time in their lives for romance, as they meet on an app called Meet Cute, have a first date, and then ghost each other before being thrown back together into an unconventional romance. I’m usually a fan of the rom-com genre, and I often can even withstand one that takes place in New York City and uses my town in a completely unrealistic way to show how romance can flourish here. (*koff*BULLSHIT*koff*) But then you throw in the M-word (Millennials), and this grouchy old man could barely get through this movie, though I’m not even remotely surprised it premiered at Tribeca. It seems very much like a Tribeca movie, and yes, that was meant in a pejorative way as the former “Film” festival has lost its way over the years. I’m half-kidding, the movie is entertaining enough, and I’m sure younger people will enjoy it more than I did.

A few other films I didn't get to this week…

DOGS (Dekanalog) AZOR (MUBI) BAD CANDY (Dread)

That’s it for this week. Do we have any new movies next week? I think Clint Eastwood has Cry Macho