#the clue was like something outside the norm or something similar

[thelaughingmerman]

I was doing a crossword puzzle and it is very important to me you know I was doing terribly but that sonic boom knuckles feminist clip helped me get one of the words

[normspellsman]

A Kiss, Perhaps

pairing: spider socorro x fem!human!reader

genre: fluff

word count: 4.4k+ (😳)

warning(s): just spider + reader being cute idiots in love, spider actually being a lovesick puppy that happily follows you wherever you go, subtle brains x brawn dynamic, the tiniest hint of suggestive content (?), first kiss trope, slightest mention of making out, & getting caught (oop-)

taglist: @aonungsmate @universal-s1ut @thatonegirlwiththebeanie367 @optimisticblazetrash @arminsgfloll @amortencjja @dearstell @liyahsocorro @chshshhshshshshshshs @goodiesinthecloset21 @sweetirilly @blushhpeachh @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic

word bank: ikran — winged creatures used for flying + hunting

note: set before the events of atwow! i keep overdoing myself with these 4k+ fics 😭 but anything for you guys <3 there’s nearly not enough spider fics on this app. give my boy some love T-T! also, tumblr’s being weird & not letting me tag some people on the posts so i’ll try to tag those with a line through their user in the comments.

You loved spending time outside in the forests of Pandora, soaking in everything you saw. You spent more time out of the lab than in it most days.

Spider even joined you at times, trailing behind you like a lost puppy. You probably knew the forest better than the boy, even with his frequent associations with the Sully children. You practically never left the beautiful scenery and spent too many hours exploring every little thing you could. So, he found it best to follow your lead whenever he tagged along on your journeys.

Norm liked to say that you were a lot like Grace Augustine in some ways. Always wanting to analyze and study every single plant you came into contact with. Always too caught up in admiring the beauty and wonder that Pandora provided. Of course you never met the woman but you saw plenty of her video recordings with Kiri and on your alone time. You could say that the two of you had similarities but none that were too significant.

You knew almost every inch of forestry on the moon-planet. Almost.

There was this one place that Spider had stumbled upon many years ago after running around with Lo’ak. It was his little hideout spot whenever he needed time to himself or wanted a break from things. He didn’t think about sharing it with anyone else until you mentioned how bored you were one night, complaining about how you practically seen every inch of the forest and that there was nothing else to see. You loved everything you saw on Pandora but missed the first time admiration one held whenever they saw something they had never seen before.

Spider wasn’t exactly sure if you had already scoped out his little getaway spot but nonetheless, he still wanted to share it with you.

“I don’t think you’ve been to this place though,” Spider speaks up one day, pulling your attention away from whatever you were studying underneath the microscope.

The teen also often offered his company to you whenever you were in the lab doing whatever scientists did. He liked spending time with you, even if you were too caught up in doing sciencey stuff that he had absolutely no clue about.

“What do you mean?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion.

A shit eating grin stretched itself onto Spider’s lips. Good, he thought, she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

“You said that you’ve seen every inch of the forest,” he replied, twirling a pipette in between his calloused fingers, “but, I’m sure you haven’t seen my hideout.”.

Curiosity sparkled in your eyes, back straightening in attention.

“What does it look like?” You asked, genuinely excited about the secret place Spider had kept from you for whoever knows how long.

Spider had you right where he wanted you. Like a prey in his web. There was no way that he was going to give you any details of what it looked like. Where’s the fun in that? He wanted to see the pure, genuine look of amazement on your face when you finally saw the place he was talking about.

“Nuh uh,” Spider tsked, poking your cheek with the pipette, “I am not falling for that. You’ll just have to wait and see tomorrow,” he finished, face inching closer to yours.

Your eyes rolled in annoyance, not pleased with Spider's answer. You at least wanted to know where the spot was or what some of its features looked like, it would help that anxious-excitement feeling that always crawled its way into your stomach whenever you discovered something new.

“Wherever you’re taking me better not be somewhere where I have to climb,” you retorted, slightly pushing back his head with your hand, him snorting in response.

“It’s not that bad. Besides,” he replies, “I can always carry you up there.”.

Spider was ridiculously strong for a human boy his age. The first time you realized it, your stomach twisted in knots. The two of you were play fighting in your early teens when the male managed to pin you down with just one arm, the other slithering in between your bodies as he tickled your stomach. It was in that brief moment that you realized how different and quickly Spider was changing, thanks to puberty.

Just the thought of Spider carrying you up to wherever he had in mind without even breaking a sweat made butterflies erupt in your stomach. You began to wonder how his toned arms would feel around your body or how his tense back would feel against your front as it flexed due to his climbing. (Your mouth began to water a little at the thought. Oh how you wished he would just pull you into his embrace and hold you so you could feel the flexing of his muscles as he did so.)

You quickly scoffed the thought away, shaking your head at the dirty blondes' response. He very obviously took pride in his strength and the fact that he could most definitely carry you anywhere without much difficulty.

“Sure you could, Spider,” you added, your eyes squinting a little at the boy in front of you, unplugging and turning off the microscope you were using.

Spider smirked at your response, tossing the pipette to the side as he saw that you were getting ready to clean up, signaling that you were done for the day and we’re going to head off to bed.

“Night, beautiful,” Spider whispered, ruffling your hair a bit before he turned and left the lab you were occupying.

“G’night,” you replied, pink dusting your cheeks in reaction to the nickname he gave you early on into your friendship.

He always called you that. Max had explained to him what the word meant when he overheard Jake call Neytiri that when he was only a child, wondering what it meant. Max told him that he should only ever mean it whenever he called someone it. So he did. You were the only one he called beautiful and probably would be the only one he ever called that and truly meant it.

“Tomorrow, three hours before eclipse,” Spider quickly added, heading peaking through the door of the lab, a smile on his face as he voiced the time he planned on taking you out.

You only hummed out in acknowledgment, shooing him away as you focused on your task of cleaning up your area of the lab.

You really couldn’t wait for tomorrow.

———

“Hurry up, you’re going to make us late,” Spider whined out, sprawled out on your freshly made bed, a ball of yarn in his hands as he tossed it up and down towards the ceiling.

You rolled your eyes at the boy, annoyed at his words. It wasn’t like there was someone else waiting for you at the spot he wanted to take you to.

“We are fine, Spider,” you scoffed out, finishing tying up your shoelaces together besides the teens head as your body was in a seated position. Your hand briefly reached out towards Spider’s knotted locs, messing with them a little before he turned his head to teasingly nip at you, teeth not making contact with your skin. You squealed in response, hurriedly pulling back your hand in order to avoid the boy's sharp teeth.

Spider barked out a laugh at your response, tossing the ball of yarn to the side, softly landing on the floor with a dull thud. Another thing he loved, messing with you. He took great joy in doing it and seeing your reaction.

“Yeah well, the faster you finish getting ready, the faster we’ll be at my spot,” he retorted, pushing himself up to a sitting position, a bored look on his face as he looked at you.

Spider had only been in your room for around fifteen minutes, barging in when you just finished braiding your hair yelling about how long you were taking and how by the time you were done, it’d be sunrise already. He was all ready to go and had been waiting for you for almost thirty minutes before coming into your room unannounced. He usually did, which caused you to throw whatever was closest to you at him, demanding him to get out. You got used to it over the years but still, you needed privacy and sometimes, you felt like you rarely had that around Spider due to his spontaneous barging into your room. You gained the ability to change out of and into your clothes incredibly fast, almost always narrowly missing flashing Spider.

“Okay, okay, I’m all ready,” you responded, hands going up in surrender as you stood up from your spot on the bed, dusting off the back of your thighs and the front of your shorts.

Spider groaned out in relief, hopping off the bed and grabbing your packed bag that was placed by the doorframe, throwing it over his shoulder before grabbing your hand and rushing you out in excitement.

“You’re gonna love it, I swear!”.

———

The both of you had arrived and climbed up to the place Spider had wanted to take you to in an hour and a half. The sun was just at eclipse when you arrived. Spider didn’t hesitate to crouch down a little so you could jump onto his back, legs and arms tightly around his neck and waist before he began the ascent up.

“We’re here,” Spider whispered, slightly out of breath from the exercise. He tapped your thigh twice, signaling that it was safe for you to let go.

The first thing you saw were vines. Lots of them. It covered almost every inch of solid rock, clinging across the surface until your eyes landed on a small opening, the vines dangling over it as the twine and its leaves cloaked the opening. No wonder you never knew of this place. Regardless of it being too high up for you alone to climb, it was very well hidden by the green vines.

It seemed like it was a cave, from what you could see. Peeking past some of the small openings in between the vines, you couldn’t see much light through the gaps. It seemed to be pretty dark and the only light that was getting through was the sunlight that managed to squeeze between the vines.

“You excited?” Spider asked, anxiety settling itself in his stomach. He wanted you to like his secret spot. It was special to him. He didn’t even tell Lo’ak about it and he tells the Na’vi boy practically everything.

“Very,” you replied back, eyes still glued on the intricate weaving of the vines. You tried to imagine what was behind the plant's structure, excitement setting in.

You liked finding new things but this felt different. More personal. Spider told his loved ones almost everything, so you were genuinely surprised when he brought up the fact that he had a secret hideout. And knowing that you were probably the only other person to see and know about this place made it even more special and personal.

“C’mon,” Spider whispered, taking your hand in his as he gently pulled you inside, pushing the vines to the side to make room for the both of you to get through.

It was dark at first, the numerous vines making a dull thud sound as they fell back into place once Spider let them go. But then, small blue dots of light appeared, scattered across the walls and ceiling of the cave, lighting up the space in its dim light. The longer you two walked, the more brighter it seemed to get. The biolomenscient dots got dimmer and dimmer the further you and Spider went, the warm glow of the sunset replacing it.

Another opening made its way into your line of sight, giving you the perfect view of the eclipse and more.

“Holy shit,” you whispered out, hand still grasping Spiders.

The sight before you was absolutely breathtaking. Ikran flew across the setting sun, shrieking in delight as they dipped and dived. The floating mountains were scattered across the sky, thick and large vines connecting them to each other so they didn't drift too far from another. The vibrant colors the setting sun emitted settled across the horizon and danced across the tops of the trees beneath the cliff you and Spider were currently standing on.

Spider smiled at your response, warmth spreading across his body as he came to the conclusion that you were enjoying the sight before you. He felt nervous before, not wanting you to not like where he was taking you. But now, he felt so happy. Happy that you were awestruck and couldn’t tear your eyes off of everything in front of you.

“Like it?” He asked, hand squeezing yours to catch your attention.

“Like it?” You replied, eyes still darting across the beautiful scenery in front of you, “I love it! How come you didn’t take me here earlier?” You pouted at the end.

The boy only chuckled in response. To be honest, he considered this place to be his. Like a little secret. He wasn’t planning on sharing it with anyone. But the more he thought about it and visited the small cave slash cliff hideout, the more he wondered what it’d be like to share this place with you. He was over the moon when you agreed to tag along last night. This was no longer going to be just his spot but the both of yours.

Spider slightly tugged on your hand, guiding you to follow his actions in sitting down, legs dangling over the cliffs edge.

“It’s so beautiful,” you commented, settling yourself next to Spider, hands still intertwined.

The human boy hummed in response, eyes never leaving the side of your face. The setting suns colorful rays reflected off the glass of your mask, highlighting your bright eyes as you continued to gawk at the gorgeous sight in front of you.

To Spider, your beauty could never compare to what was in front of him. He had seen this kind of sunset millions of times before but he always found himself thinking of you whenever he gazed at the eclipse and the colorful horizon. You were truly one of a kind. He always felt special whenever you graced him with your presence. His eyes never left your face whenever the two of you hung out, oftentimes running into things on accident which made me even more flustered once your laugh reached his ears. If he were in a Na’vi body, his tail would be swaying furiously back and forth like a dog excited to see their owner whenever his eyes settled on your figure. You always had a special place in his heart. Which makes this moment even more special.

“Hmm, just like you, beautiful,” he whispered back, nudging your shoulder with his.

A wide toothed smile made its way across your lips, a giggle escaping them as you shook your head at the boy. “Cheesy,” you replied, eyes finally tearing away from the sunset and settling on Spider.

Your breath hitched in your throat when you realized how close the two of you were. Your shoulders were touching and your clasped hands were in Spider's lap, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand. If it weren’t for the masks you had to wear, you most likely would be able to feel each other's breath. Just the thought gave you slight goosebumps.

“Sappy,” Spider agreed, laughing in response to your previous statement. He tended to be overly romantic whenever around you. Albeit he never outwardly voiced his thoughts, he still thought them. You only got a glimpse or two of that side of him, it only being during whenever the two of you were joking around or he was trying to bring your spirits up on a particularly hard day. It never failed to make you feel better or laugh in response.

Your eyes were stuck on Spider's face, glancing from his eyes, to his nose down to his lips, and then back up to his eyes. He was probably the prettiest human boy you’d ever seen, and the only one you’d seen.

“Want to know how I stumbled across this place?” He asked, cheeks reddening at your intense stare.

“Please,” you responded, shifting a bit to face more towards the boy, hands still tightly interlocked.

Spider brightly smiled before starting, glad to be finally sharing this, his place with you.

———

You had stayed out way past curfew, too caught up in the beauty of Pandora to realize just how late you and Spider stayed out.

He had you put yourself on his back again on the way down, your hands returning to grip his shoulders as your legs tightly wrapped around his waist. You found yourself thinking about his muscles and his strength again, making yourself blush at every thought. The fact that you were so tightly pressed up against him and could feel his back muscles twitch and flex as he climbed down didn’t help, at all.

But he too was blushing. There have only been a handful of times where the both of you were in a position like this, so close together. Most of them were when you were children and still needed the comfort of someone else to sleep, Norm often finding the two of you entangled together as you softly snored away in your deep slumber. The other time being when you had a tickle fight and he pinned both of your hands above your head and tortured you with his swift fingers against the sensitive skin of your stomach. Spider almost kissed you that day, if it weren’t for Max’s interruption, telling Spider that Lo’ak was there for him. And the other time being now. It had been so long since he had you this close. Of course you two hugged and had sleepovers whenever you were bored, but even then, you never had your body that close to his and vice versa. Spider could feel the beat of your rapid heart against his back, smirking at how fast it was pumping.

It was nice to have you this close to his body. Especially in this circumstance. He felt like he was protecting you, in a way at least. Spider knew that you didn’t have the type of training he did regarding exploring the expanse of Pandora’s forests. You mostly explored on your own and kept to the forest floor whereas Spider leapt from tree to tree with Lo’ak and climbed whatever he could. And regarding this fact, he knew that you wouldn’t be able to pull yourself up to climb all the way to where he wanted to take you as well as back down. So this was the least he could do. Have you cling to his back as he descended back down to the mossy ground.

The minute your feet touched the floor, you took off sprinting, shouting at Spider to race you back to the lab. Poor boy barely had any time to process it, standing there in shock for a few seconds before quickly following after you, catching up to your figure within minutes.

The boy beat you to the lab even with your head start.

“No fair!” You whined out, huffing and puffing from your sprinting. Damn, you thought to yourself, and to think Spider does this everyday.

“Hmm, sucks to suck I guess,” Spider teased, patting your head as you stood there with your hands on your knees trying to catch your breath. Your mask began to fog up from your ragged breathing.

You playfully slapped Spider’s hand away as you both walked up the stairs to the lab, the boy holding the door open for you as you walked through.

Once the door shut, a hissing sound reached your ears, signaling that the filter was forcing out the Pandora air and replacing it with the air you and the other humans needed to breathe. When the small light above the second door turned green, you quickly discarded your mask and pushed through the secondary door.

“That was so much fun!” You exclaimed, wide smile on your lips as you turned back towards Spider, watching him place both of your masks back onto the small rack they usually reside on.

Warmth spread throughout Spider’s chest at your exclamation, proud that he was able to make you this happy from simply sharing his hideout with you. “I’m glad you had fun,” he replied, a gummy smile spreading onto his lips.

“Thank you so much for taking me! I really enjoyed tonight,” you continued, same smile still plastered on your face.

You felt grateful that Spider wanted to share a place he had found and kept to himself for a while with you. It made you feel special. Really special. You wanted to do something for him that showed your gratefulness. But your mind kept drawing blanks the more you thought about it. It had to be a grand gesture that showed him just how much you appreciated tonight as well as him in general.

Silence settled itself between the two of you, it resting comfortably in the air. Seconds had passed from the last time you spoke, eyes darting around Spider’s painted striped skin, the paint fading from the days excursions. As your eyes settled back onto his face, you realized that he was staring at your lips.

A lightbulb went off in your head. Yes, a kiss would work.

“I am very grateful that you decided to share your hideout with me. I feel honored,” you began, taking a step closer to the boy in front of you, “Is there anything I could do to show my appreciation?”.

Spider gulped at your question, one thing coming to mind. But, the boy only shook his head and shrugged. “It’s alright. I’m just happy to have spent tonight with you,” he replied.

Sappy motherfucker, you laughed to yourself, feeling yourself melt at how sweet Spider was being. You knew that he’d never force you to do anything that you didn’t want to do. Another thing that you loved about him. (Right after his face and muscles, of course.)

You hummed in response, inching closer as you did so. You could practically hear how fast Spider’s heart was beating against his chest, making you slightly smile at how you might be the cause of it.

“I think I have something in mind,” you trailed, straining your neck a bit to look up at the boy as you finally stood chest to chest. A few strands of Spider’s locs fell in front of his face and dangled besides yours, hand going out to tuck it behind one of his ears. The boys knees almost gave out at the movement, stomach twisting in knots and skin beginning to tingle from your gentle graze.

“And w-what could that b-be?” He stuttered, dark blush covering his cheeks. He felt his heart beat even faster as the seconds ticked by, if that was possible.

You smiled up at Spider, right hand coming to gently take his left one. “A kiss, perhaps?” You asked, not expecting him to agree right away.

“You…you w-want to…to k-kiss me?” He shakingly asked, the hand in yours intertwining his fingers between yours. He couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. That you suggested that you both kiss. He’s dreamt of kissing you ever since he saw the couple down his hall kiss when he was younger, Max yet again had to explain the action to him. Ever since he knew that he liked you. Since he knew that you’d be the only one for him as long as he breathed.

You nodded at his question, eyes falling from his eyes to his lips and back to his eyes. You also dreamt of kissing the boy. You wanted to ever since you saw an Earth movie from the twenty-first century where the two protagonists were lovers. You wanted to experience everything that the two lovers in the movies experienced with Spider. It was something you often caught yourself daydreaming about when you had nothing else better to do.

At your confirmation, Spider gently and delicately cupped your face in his warm and bigger hands, bringing you closer to his lips. There was a sliver of space between your lips and his, the teen boy waiting for something. Spider’s eyes searched yours for hesitancy and when he saw none and received another nod of your head, he pressed his plump lips against yours.

Your left hand went up to his waist to steady yourself, knees nearly giving out on the spot as your brain realized that this was actually happening.

Warmth was the only thing you felt from the kiss as well as adoration and care. You thought the whole fireworks thing was a bit silly whenever a character in a movie talked about it. But this, this was so much better than fireworks. You could feel how much Spider loved and cared for you through a single kiss. Could feel how nervous you made him through his shaky hands and rapid heartbeat. It was much better than fireworks. You felt loved and cared for through your shared kiss. You only hoped that Spider could feel the same things you did from the kiss as well.

The two of you stood there for who knows how long, kissing and pecking each others lips. You only broke away from the kiss two times to inhale more oxygen before you passed out. Spider meanwhile kissed all over your face as you did so, placing gentle kisses against your cheeks, nose, forehead, and chin before slotting his lips against yours again once you filled your lungs with sweet oxygen.

A loud cough erupted from behind you, halting the both of you in your kiss. Fear and anxiety spikes through your system, eyes widening as you slowly turned around to see who caught you and Spider kissing face.

“I don’t want to know,” Max started, arms crossed against his chest as a sleepy expression painted his face, “Just, get to bed. Separately. And if anyone asks, I saw nothing, okay?”.

You swear you never ran to your room so fast in your life, giggling out into the quiet corridors of the lab with Spider trailing behind you. Yeah, sorry Max, but there was no way that either of you were going to bed in your respective rooms tonight. There was too much to talk about and catch up on.

[gargusscp]

Sandy

Conceptual exploration drabble based on @zal-cryptid's upcoming Misfits in Toyland comic. How far can we extend the ideas of toys and play? Let's find out.

*****************************************************************

What’s in a grain of sand?

History, for one.  What once stood as a great solid mass worn from itself by the attritions of wind or water over ungodly ages, broken into millions and billions and trillions of component parts.  To most who walk these shifting tracts, there is no evidence once here stood an outcrop, a plateau, a cliff; merely now a different texture to the ground beneath their feet, beneath consideration unless a grain sticks somewhere unwanted.  The studied mind, however, one familiar with erosive sciences and larger distributive patterns, they might discern the rough nature of what once was from a grain.  Not on its lonesome, not divorced from its context, definitely never a fully accurate picture, but a near-microscopic grain of sand still betrays its origin to some degree.  Shape, texture, hardness, size, solvency, all these properties in comparison against its neighbors.  Such a tale to be told, the shadow of a mountain hidden in part within something measuring less than a millimeter.

And with a history, why not a mind?  No such thing as zero to God, as the man said, and in total accumulation even a pinch of sand between fingers amounts to an awful lot of near-but-not-quite zeroes.  Interrogate one grain properly, and so many pieces of the story appear.  Do the same with the next, and the next, and the next, there manifest more hints, further clues.  Now gather a group in one palm, consider their collective quality, walk a dozen paces down the beach, take another scoop, compare them.  And then another, and another, and another.  Slowly the picture grows, definition sharpening, details clarifying, fogged vision swimming less violently with each focal adjustment.

Now, a similar exercise with the typical mind’s home in a brain.  Poke at one neuron, followed by its neighbor, and carry on in the established pattern.  A few memories here, behavior patterns there, governing rules for a particular internal system down that way.  Scrape some gray matter away, presume some futuristic means of examining its contents and function without inflicting damage by said removal, and it is very much a kind with the grain of sand.  Molded and reshaped by years of electrical impulses and chemical uptakes and releases, communicating with its fellows in a plasticine dance of formation and adaptation.  Carbon mastered into a deliberate shape, made wet and conductive and warm, housing joys and rages and despairs untold.

Why not silica as carbon? Why not a grain of sand as a neuron?  Why not a beach as a mind?  It is, after all, your best guess for what you are.

You cannot rightly say you think about these matters very often.  All told, you don’t think much at all.  Most hours, you simply are, a distributed mass of silicate uncountable, unfeeling, unthinking, unaware.  Or at least, unaware in the moment.  When consciousness does come, you find the experiences of the sand somewhat accessible in memory, recollections of a late night’s chilled gale, or a particularly forceful crashing wave, the patter of bird’s talons and occasionally something like stalking hooves.  To some extent, you must exist when you cannot think, experiencing the world in a strange dreamless sleep, logging experience in a manner more actively retrievable than garbled dreaming interpretation of outside stimuli in more normative REM cycles.

Either way, these are not the thoughts of a mind with nothing but time on its side.  You process ideas and inquisitive lines quite quickly, thank goodness, but active thought and awareness only come in fits and starts.  Sometimes a scant few minutes, on average an hour or so. Even with the seconds so precious, however, it is always helpful to start by organizing and relitigating this particular track.  In an existence alien as this, time spent considering the possibilities in a single grain and the oddity of your life grounds you in a most comforting way.  Even if you are ground, after a fashion.  Grounds need their grounding in self-awareness too, you know.

It is good to indulge whatever thoughts come along.  You suspect Descartes might disagree with your supposition that thought does not necessarily imply existence, but old Descartes never had to work out his philosophy for only a few irregularly scattered moments while also being a beach, now did he?  Object example there: random bout of pettiness against a centuries-dead thinker.  Feels nice to let those thoughts flow, like sand kicked about by the breeze or lapped by the waves.  Once, long ago, you tried forcing your thoughts down particular avenues, clinging to questions like, “What the fuck is happening?” or “What am I?  Who am I?  Where am I,” loops of, “Oh my God, no, oh my God, no, oh my God, no, oh my God, no!”  Painfully stiff and limiting, those.  A touch of grounding exercises for a moment or so, and then onto free forms.  So much better.

The sun seems nice to you this day.  Somewhat wan, as if hidden behind a thin cloud layer, yet sufficiently penetrative to warm the atmosphere much as it can in these frigid environs.  The waves bite hard as ever, alas.  Had you the mobility and inclination, you’d not risk even their shallows.  On some distant stretch of shore, you can sense the winds blow harder than one might find tolerable.  Here, at the locus point, they are relatively still.

Now, who’s out today?  Who stirs your sands?

In their usual spot, the trod of two have settled to pile the rough start to a sandcastle.  Perhaps a crude sculpture, or mayhaps a humble mound.   Their constructive efforts vary so from day to day - at this instant, you can feel a larger set of fingers scooping at your surface with greater vigor than the smaller, nimbler pair, but early goings rarely indicate their final intentions.  At the least, their activities seemingly focus on collection rather than digging, so there is little chance either will bury their fellow today.

There is digging some feet further away, however, the familiar scrape of uncoordinated hands pawing away a shallow hole.  If previous experiences hold, soon a small weight will be deposited within, the hands’ owner will sit upon the sand, adjust the weight some, and then remain still for some hours. These you might lose in the stillness, consistent unmoving presences being difficult to focus upon, though you expect some small chance footsteps will wander from the first site to this, followed by a sprinkling of grains atop and around the weight, and then uncoordinated scuffing before the approaching feet retreat with a quicker step.  Such happenings are not uncommon.

Down by the water’s edge, where awareness of the sands that are you blurs against the sands that are not, a soft, broad nub draws aimless patterns.  Grains of yourself stick to this far readier than the others, regardless whether they be damp or dry.  If the figure responsible for these whorls and swoops so quickly erased by the tides finds such accumulations irksome, the rhythmic kicking of their feet and slapping of their opposite palm belies no bother.  You already anticipate the pad of larger, softer feet rushing in to drag this figure up to less wave-besotted heights. For now, the hands of the rescuer merely content themselves at your backshore, seemingly preoccupied with the shuffle and count of... pebbles? Yes, that seems right.

One typical visitor, the tiny feet with a dragging ringlet about them, is not here today.  While you only truly detect them when they stand far from the others and kick about in something like a brief, private dance, you feel some disappointment at their absence.  Thankfully, it passes quickly, as it always must and does.  The others provide so much stimulation on their own.

So the seconds and minutes and hours pass.  A longer visit, then, perhaps the gathering making a whole day on your shores. Indeed you do lose feeling on the unsteady one and their weight until their brief business with the larger builder, and indeed the body in the surf is dragged away only to totter back and resume their doodling before the seafoam several times over.  As happens about half the time, the smaller hands’ instincts win over the larger, and you feel the contours of a castle rise above your surface, holes poked for windows and something you can only presume is a stick serving as flag jammed in the apex.  These expected repetitions on established patterns are just so delightful as the rare breaks.

The feet which plod to rescue the doodler eventually drag them only a little ways from the waves, to a wet but not actively drenched height, and begin tracings in their own hand, purposeful strokes diagramming something too complicated to understand through the lessened yet still present haze.  The weight’s companion drags it a little closer, and spends some minutes flecking individual grains which linger from the earlier assault.  The castle is not scattered to the wind with a sudden, forceful kick, but remains standing as hands mismatched in size rest upon your surface, shifting and occasionally squeezing in a manner indicative they now hold one another.  At one point, you swear there is the impression of a dainty step at the furthest extreme you can sense, before the presence is gone, leaving only the lightest footprint.

You do wonder from time to time about the prints these visitors leave in their wake.  Difficult to judge though scale and weight remain in this amorphous existence, rough estimation of such rules out their identity as adults.  They do not sink and disperse near so large a surface area as even the lightest full-grown frame.  Children, then, only they seem too light and small for even this hypothesis.  Birds, crabs, seaside mammals, insects, all ruled out, for they march and hop and scuttle across your expanse when your mind goes away, leaving all manner of traces to observe and contemplate on waking, and (excepting the scribblings) the actions of your visitors are too purposeful for wildlife besides.  Quite perplexing.

Especially in view of the one answer you’ve entertained as reasonably possible, best backed by evidence. Every now and again, one or the other will flop bodily upon the sands, splay their limbs wide, and make something like a sand angel.  On these occasions, you sense them fully as possible - the immersion for burial in the sand results in too too much wriggling for clarity - and by all instances compared and categorized, you can only describe the basic shape in combination with the shallow treads and small profiles as one belonging to a doll.  A wide variety of dolls, true, occasionally something larger and floppier suggestive of a stuffed animal, but dolls all the same.

Toys.  Ambulatory toys visiting the beach of you, summoning you from slumber for the duration of their visit.  The mind would reject the notion as lunatic, were the mind not itself the amalgamated thoughts of dispersed silica.  The mind has rejected the notion, regarding it as some manner of horrid fever dream, then a manner of ironic hell, and then a simple fact of life, no more remarkable than the sloughing waves and pecking birds and shining sun.  Your suppositions on the similarities between your mind as it is now and the gray matter which powers the animal engine already turn on postulations of quantities unknown to science at present.  What are living toys but an unexamined aspect of the tapestry yet cataloged by any beyond you?

Besides, there is pleasantry in their presence, a comforting familiarity of the like upon the like.  You cannot strictly feel as a nervous system would process and report stimulation, merely sense depressions and removals and shiftings of your grains, extrapolating the shape and mass and basic texture from context clues.  Despite this, when the pair who build sandcastles gather and mold you for a parapet, when the clumsy hands take on surprising gentleness flicking stray grains from their fellow, when soft, near-formless limbs almost form a “D” seconds before the surf crests, you come ever so close to truly, legitimately feeling the molded plastic warmed by weak midday sun, the slight tingle of an electronic under battery power, stitchings of corduroy and terrycloth.  They are a diverse lot, in composition and interest, and you experience a stronger spark of life than any you have known beneath their idle play.

Actually… would that not be something?  They and theirs are the ones who summon your conscious mind to whatever forefront you possess.  Always toys, always engaged in diversions and amusements and games. Playing in the sand, as it were.  Could very well be they uintentionally make you real when they play, and when they finish and retreat to whatever homes they have beyond the beach, you sink and sleep.  You had not thought of such until now.  Something to think on, when next the time comes round.

For indeed, you sense from their stirring today’s visit draws to an end.  The plush drawers toddle from the shoreline, the last grains are flecked from the weight as it is lifted from its hole, the air around the castle whooshes in a telltale giveaway someone aimed one last attempted kick towards its walls.  So it goes, so it goes.  You hope they drew some pleasure from this visit in equal measure to your own.  If there is anything a stretch of beach must keep in mind, it is appreciation of what experiences one gains within the necessary impermanence of things.

This last thought threatens a scatter of questions in your mind at so late an hour, an annoying instinct likely triggered by pointed awareness of approaching dark and quiet.  From whence do these toyfolk hail, your mind babbles.  Are they mere animate playthings, or does something human lurk in their hollow and stuffed heads, as it must for you?  The verbosity and scientific curiosity of your own thoughts does not escape you, however malformed or incorrect certain details might prove, so while you cannot actively recall any time when you held a shape other than this, you feel strongly at times there must have been some period when you stood humanoid.  Why this transformation?  Was there some sin to deserve this, some request to deeper understand the earth itself, a mere dream of humanity by some sand with an overactive imagination? Are they similarly cursed, their souls befouled regardless your innocent interactions? Is there any way to manipulate your sands, let them know you are here, speak with someone, finally talk after who knows how many ages' silence?  Who what when where why how pounding and drumming and hammering and…

…and gone.  As the man said, the secret is in letting go.  Should a thought trouble or hurt, allow its passing and move on to the next.  And the next, and the next, and the next, like firing neurons or counting grains on an endless beach. Health in stillness, tranquility in silence…

Maybe... on next wakings... think about the wind... and whether its touch counts... as play...

They are nearly gone now, your time of rest in void almost upon you.  Normally, by this stage, you have shrunk back to a single grain, lingered for a moment, and then been no more.  Something tethers you longer than expected.  Through a tiring, diminishing mind, clouded and craving rest, you cast out in your final seconds, seeking some cause.  This is no painful thought, just a last little thing before…

Ah.  There.  Funny, that.  One of the dolls.  A single grain of sand.  Caught in their shoe.  Rocking about after too many scrapes against plastic, as she tries to shake it loose.  This, too, must be play of a kind.

What’s in a grain of sand?  What’s a grain of sand in?  Hah.

There it goes.  And now… goodb

.  .   .         . .  . . . .  .  . . . .        . . . . .    .  . .    . .  .   .     .  .  .     . .. ….  . . .… …….. .. .. ..  .. . . . . . . . . . . . .  . . . ...... .. . .. . . . . ..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...

[cranquis]

This might not be the right place to ask but I always appreciate your insight on this hellsite. I recently finished undergrad and have started doing research to hopefully gain some industry knowledge and eventually go to med school. I have worked in emergency medicine for many years and it has really inspired me to pursue medical school with being an EM physician as a tangible end goal. My problem is that now that I am doing research it feels like the ball is going to drop at any moment. Like in clinic I get anxious that my subject will code while we are talking or seeing the paramedics transporting patients raises my heart rate. I feel fine and calm most of the time but I just have this nagging fear that something terrible is going to happen to my subjects or the people around me. And I know that I have clinic RNs and my MD nearby and I know where the crash cart is but it is still stressing me out. I don’t know how to rationalize it as I have never had any real anxiety or fear surrounding my time in the ED.

I guess the root of this question is that you probably saw a lot of intense things during rotations/clerkships/residency that were in high stress environments like the ED, how do you manage that working in an urgent care where things are less life and death most of the time - obviously there are still critically sick/injured people who show up there instead of the ED and the ED is getting the 2a medication refill requests, but I think you know what I mean.

Sorry if this is rambly, I just haven’t been able to see my ED people in a while and I can’t really talk about this sort of thing with many people outside of them. Once again I appreciate the insight that you bring to these sort of unique to healthcare situations, it has made dealing with patients and a failing system more bearable over the years.

Hello my aspiring colleague! I think I understand and empathize with where you're coming from.

The more you learn about what can go WRONG with a human body, the more you expect it to go WRONG. Like, any moment now. And when you're surrounded by the sickest of the sick, that starts to seem the norm. You expect This Guy, being transported for subacute cough, to crump... because you've seen other Guys with subacute cough crump.

[Crump: verb; to suddenly decompensate clinically, usually right after you told the attending that the patient looks stable.]

In a similar fashion, when I did my pediatrics rotations in med school and residency, I felt like Mrs Cranquis and I should never ever have children, because "look at all these tragically sick unfortunate children! Look at how suddenly these healthy kids can have an accident or develop symptoms from a hidden congenital condition!" It took a few years to put it into statistical perspective and realize that the odds of having a healthy child are actually better than 50:50.

But regarding your increasing worries that someone will crump in your presence - thankfully, the more you learn about what can GO wrong, and the more times you SEE things go wrong, the more you are also learning about what YOU can do to FIGHT wrong. This helps you fine-tune your anxiety into a Spider-sense -- an ability to be aware that your patient might crump even before they crump, which gives you the time to mentally (and clinically) prep for the worst and take steps to prevent it, to marshal your resources and colleagues and even make a "crump preparedness plan".

In fact, with a few years of experience, you learn to be grateful for that sudden ball of stress in your gut, as your subconscious points out the subtle clues that This Guy needs your full attention.

So I hope this helps give you the oomph to keep on going, friend!

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I received an ask about if Eddies trip to Texas might be because of a family tragedy situation similar to Bucks rather than a queer awakening story and my response got long so I thought it would be better as an actual post rather than an answer to an ask!

My opinion is that its very unlikely that thats the route they'll take - simply for the reason that I can't see the writers repeating a storyline such as Bucks secret family tragedy - especially so close to Bucks (and Maddie's) own family tragedy which is still very much playing out - we've seen some of how the family secret has weighed on Maddie in 5b - how it impacted on her and her own mental health struggles and we really haven't explored how this new knowledge is affecting Buck. Buck is a master of disguise in many ways in that we actually know very little of what is going on with him - he said it himself in season 4 'I hide my true feelings from others' and Buck is very much doing that in season 5 - Hen is probably the person he's revealed the most to and even that is some what superficial. The fact that Buck has spent the season trying to 'fix' everyone else's problems - Maddie, Chimney, Eddie and Chris (and even Taylor) has allowed him to deflect and avoid dealing with his own mental health - I'm fully expecting season 6 to explore this. Once everyone else finds themselves in better places and therefore Buck can't keep 'fixing' everyone else to avoid fixing himself he's going to have to turn his fixing skills inward and I am of the opinion that talking about the shooting with Eddie is actually the first step on that path.

So that is why I think we have to look elsewhere for Eddies story. Then there is also the fact that the synopsis specified his father - not his family in general, or his parents, but his father. If it was a family tragedy then we would expect them to state it in the synopsis. Instead of ‘Meanwhile, Eddie visits Texas, where he attempts to reconcile with his father’ we would have something like ‘Meanwhile, Eddie visits Texas to deal with a family emergency’ or words to that effect. 

Mexican American families tend to have a fairly defined family dynamic with a set of expectations that everyone is expected to conform to - the patriarch sets the rules and the matriarch enforces - it can be very traditionalist and tends to play to old school gender norms - and Eddie as an only son would definitely be expected to follow his fathers example and not step outside of the narrow lines. He would be expected to ‘be a man’ - not show his emotions and provide for his family. We’ve seen him speak about it - ‘if I hadn’t joined the army I’d still be working with my pop’ and we also know that Ramon was proud of Eddie for serving - in Eddie begins we see him reading the silver star certificate - its implied that this is not for the first time and you can hear the pride in his voice - Eddie is described as a hero - he claims its what anyone would’ve done but Ramon contradicts him saying that ‘if that were true everyone would be walking around with a silver star.’ 

All of this gives us hints at the complexity of that dynamic - Eddie has conformed to family expectation and its made his father proud but it was actually an incredibly  traumatic experience for him - one that continues to be as we’re seeing play out. It goes to suggest that this is something Eddie has been doing repeatedly - conforming but it continuously compounding the trauma and that it is all connected to his father. 

We've also been given enough textual hints this season to be able to figure some things out - the 911 writers are very careful about what words they choose to have their characters say - the scrip has to do a lot of work and so every word is important. Therefore the fact that the word 'repression' was used during Eddies health scare is important, the choice for Eddie to say 'the first woman i've wanted to spend time with' and many other examples are all loaded and designed to give viewers clues if they’re paying attention as to where the story is heading - there is a reason we’ve all been speculating about Eddie queer awaking in fandom for a while - we’ve been reading the clues. 

The whole of Eddies therapy appointment in 5x13 is very loaded - the way the conversation is directed (its exactly how real life therapy works) to push Eddie (and the viewer) in certain directions so that he can begin to connect dots for himself. Now in real world therapy this might happen over several sessions, but 911 doesn’t have the time to do this so they have to ‘speed up the timeline a little’ - so we have Frank choosing to bring up Eddie blowing up at Bobby - Eddies defacto father figure - pushing the idea that in the present we lash out at people who represent an aspect of out past which holds trauma or complexity - the thing which has played a major contributing factor in our present struggles - hence Eddie lashing out at bobby - when he really wanted to lash out at his father.

Franks loaded line ties all of this together - his telling Eddie ’maybe you should talk about your pain with someone who shares it. Think about that first trauma and then talk to someone who can understand what you’ve been through.’ Of course, it plays perfectly into Eddies time in the army - the viewer will naturally go straight there in their mind - because that is where Eddie has gone in his - because he’s still repressing. The thing is the army clearly wasn’t his first trauma - in part Eddies breakdown is as a result of his repression (i’m going to probably explain this very badly, but hopefully it will make sense!). 

Think about it this way - something happened to you in childhood or your teen years - whatever it was lead to big problems - major arguments with you family and possibly the reprobation of the society in which you live, who then started to constantly behave and speak in ways that were unkind, derogatory and made you want to make it stop - so you start repressing that part of you and put huge amounts of energy into trying to fit in. The comments etc never fully go away, but you are able to live more comfortably - as long as you maintain this facade you’ve put up. Then when the first opportunity presents itself you escape (into the army). The thing is your escape route is both freeing and traumatic and so your trauma compounds itself -  the army is a loud kind of trauma - unlike the first trauma it tricks you into thinking that this is actually the first trauma - because that’s what trauma should be right - loud - a big event that has defined perimeters. 

So when you reach the point Eddie is at - where you’ve had several loud traumas, you will trick yourself into thinking the army is the first trauma. So you reach out - as Frank has told you to - only you find you can’t - because they’re all dead - so you can’t do you homework and deal’ with that trauma - so you spiral because that loud trauma is no longer in play - its now a new trauma and therefore more recent. That trauma from further back - the quiet one - that now comes into play - almost as if its taunting you - so you lash out because you know that all your trauma stems from this one trauma that you’ve been attempting to outrun since it happened - it was the reason you joined the army, it was the reason that you ran from you family and the society you knew - to LA (its no coincidence you chose somewhere more accepting and diverse) where you start a job which is similar enough to being in the army - the freedom you enjoyed such as the camaraderie - but without the traumatic bits - the getting shot at etc. 

But then - your new job turns out to not be as trauma free as you thought and eventually you get to where Eddie was in 5x10 - where you get a wake up call. Only Eddie, because he is so repressed and conditioned, didn’t seek help - he changed jobs. Now though, he has lots of time to think and cycle through all that trauma - he thinks going back to what he was doing will solve the problem and when that can’t happen lashes out at the person who represents the cause of his first trauma. So you do get help - thinking that will allow you to keep on repressing that first trauma because if you deal with all the other stuff - you’ll be able to get a better grip on the one thing you’ve been working on repressing for the longest - the first thing. After you lash out you feel guilty (both for the misplaced anger, but also at yourself because you know deep down that you lashed out at the wrong person and you know why) so you do what they suggested - you go to therapy - and your therapist tells you ‘go back to the first trauma and talk to someone about your pain’ - and you are still in denial so you go for the loud trauma - the army - only you can’t talk to someone about your pain and that actual first trauma is their waiting for you to lower you guard and the moment it happens - you lash out and break down because now, now you are going to actually have to face up to the real first trauma.

Note what Frank tells Eddie - ‘talk about your pain with someone who shares it’ followed by ‘and then talk to someone who can understand what you’ve been through.’ That is two separate conversations and it doesn’t follow that they have to be had with the same person - in fact its heavily suggesting that they aren’t/shouldn’t the same person - so Eddie going back to Texas is the first conversation - the one to be had with the person who shares the pain - Eddies father. The person who Eddie has ‘disappointed’ because we shouldn’t forget that Ramon will have pain in this as well - the pain of disappointment in having a son who doesn’t conform to his and the family ingrained expectations. You have to look at this from the outside and understand that from his perspective - because he is seeing things very differently - he is right in his thoughts and opinions (his ideology is outdated and wrong, but it is an ideology that unfortunately still exists in the world and the show is telling that story so don’t @me anyone for saying this). 

However that conversation goes, Eddie will then be in a position to have the second conversation - with someone who understands - now we don’t know who that will be but I’m guessing that weight see Hen (and or  Karen) come into play here - because they are the most likely of our cast to understand. Of course it might be Buck, it might be Maddie (although she has her own thing going on so its very unlikely) because they understand about disappointing your parents etc. But we’ve seen the show expanding the Eddie/ Hen dynamic this season and I feel like it’s been done to lead into them having that second conversation and this also slots in nicely with the HenRen vow renewal theory because Hen preparing to celebrate and reaffirm her love for Karen is the perfect premise for Eddie and Hen to have a conversation about being gay and finding love but also acceptance and potentially about learning to live with a family member who doesn’t approve. We don’t know her fathers opinion on Hens sexuality remember - he might’ve been estranged in part because of it and his pride wouldn’t let him accept he was wrong so he followed her life secretly and from afar and there is no reason that Ramon couldn’t be in the same boat - to ingrained in his way of thinking to admit cubically but secretly proud of his son and the life he lives.

[eisforeidolon]

Thank you for answering my question! I was the one who asked if it was the norm for this fandom to use the LGBTQ+ community as a defense for their very disgusting behavior. Thank you for being honest about this fandom. I noticed the hate towards the actors and other people involved with making this show a few times, but I really got into this fandom a few weeks ago and saw how many people hated on Jared and Jensen after the latest con. (1/2)

Honestly the things Jared said were not really offensive, at least to me, but I Honestly the things Jared said were nice to hear. It was pretty cool seeing someone defend the Platonic love presented in spn openly. It just seems strange how some people weaponize sexuality, which can and is very important to a lot of people to make a point about fictional characters. Can you recommend any blogs to follow? I'm thinking about making a Tumblr.(2/2)

********************************

Sure! To be as fair as is possible, the answer Jared gave wasn't particularly direct or coherent. However, I think anyone who cares to understand what he was trying to say can understand it pretty easily, though: there are many different kinds of love outside of sexual attraction and the show was always about those other kinds of love. Especially in the context of Jared having said before that he particularly liked how Supernatural was never centered on romance. I think he got tangled up a bit in his words trying not to offend or devalue other interpretations like that of the person asking, which was awkward, but there was nothing objectively offensive or unexpected in what he said.

The problem is that those certain D/C shippers (we coined the term 'destihellers' to refer specifically to the entitled bully contingent of the ship) were never going to accept any answer but, "Yes, Castiel's confession was 100% romantic and Dean understood it that way and would absolutely have reciprocated if given the chance." They've spent years insisting the real One True Story of this show was a D/C romance, feeling superior for their ability to decipher all the totally intentional elaborately hidden clues to that secret storyline (like Dean looking at someone wearing tan meaning he was pining for Castiel) and mocking, slandering, and harassing anyone who didn't agree. Part of that has been spending a year as of today insisting there was literally no other possible interpretation of what Castiel said - even though had the writers simply substituted "in love with" for "love" it would have removed all ambiguity. So Jared's answer acknowledging that the scene left room for other interpretations and wasn't explicitly romantic just because Castiel said the word love is completely unacceptable and made them disproportionately angry.

This is not remotely this first time this has happened. Generally, after either J says anything about D/C not being the point of the show or Misha not being a lead equal to them, this particular group of fans manages to find *something* to be deeply offended by. Heck, right now? Some of them are angry that Jared trended last night for tweeting about Walker because they saw his very existence on SM as encroaching on their intent to spam today on the anniversary of that episode's airing.

It's a great thing that fandom can be a more inclusive space where people from various groups can feel safe revealing aspects of themselves that face widespread discrimination IRL. It's not a great thing that some people have seen this as the perfect way to win petty fandom arguments, insisting anyone who disagrees with them must be -ist/-ic towards the whole group they belong to.

I don't think I'm really the person to ask for recommendations, as I haven't kept great track of which blogs I follow are specifically just the bro bond and not bro bond plus wincest, because as the core canon content focus is similar there's a lot of overlap. So I'm gonna toss this one to my followers/people who see this post if they wanna make any suggestions on good blogs to follow for celebrating just the canon platonic relationships. Anybody?

[life-rewritten]

Psycho but it’s okay- Fairy tales and their foreshadowing Part 3(Blue Beard, Othello, Wizard of Oz)

To Kill or Not To Kill

Note by the author: I feel like the momentum of PBIO is slowly reducing. The episodes so far have been incredible but I can see us losing steam and enthusiasm because of the back and forth still going on with our couple. Right now things are very heightened due to the conflict with the brothers and the supposed return of Moon Young’s mum but lately it’s been difficult to analyse that without repeating the same themes over and over again. Nevertheless here is a very short  (well shorter than what I normally do) analytical post analysing the show so far and the theme this time is the murder of women! Enjoy.

Bluebeard was first mentioned in episode 6, the title of the episode focused on Bluebeard’s secret. The fairy tale of Bluebeard although chilling actually has a happy ending. The young girl gets rescued by her family from her serial killer husband. In Psycho it’s okay many characters are shown to see the story of Bluebeard in different perspectives of the other characters. Moon Young sees it as the girl who is traumatised and almost killed by Blue beard because of her curiosity and uncovering the truth that all his wives were killed by him, Sang Tae sees it as a sad story about why Bluebeard kept on marrying women because of loneliness and wanting to be loved, and Moon Young’s dad sees it from Bluebeard’s perspective for the reason for why he killed the women and his wife. 

Park O Ran, the patient in the hospital has taken up a sinister role as Moon Young’s mother, she reads the book by her mother and constantly hums the song that haunts both Moon Young and her father. She mentions the next tale, the story about Othello a general who was misled into killing his wife because of lies and manipulation from the outside. She is seeing it from the point of Moon Young’s mum who she believes was unfairly killed and seen wrongly by society and the family she loves. Moon Young’s father is plagued with guilt and at the same time fear that he killed his wife, and follows the perspective of Othello who was overcome with jealousy and insecurity in why he killed his wife and everyone around him. Moon Young is like the innocent wife of Othello as well because she is the victim in this whole manipulation and game between Lago, Cassio and Othello. Her caring and trusting nature leads her to being hurt. 

Lastly the name of the book Moon Young’s mother writes is called The murder of the wicked witch of the west. The wicked witch of the west is found in the fairy tale The wizard of oz. It’s interesting when you analyse the story as the story focuses on a young girl who ends up being the down fall of witch because she was manipulated by the wizard and others to do so. Again from Moon Young’s mother’s perspective she is the victim, the wicked witch was feared because she had green skin. (This will later parallel with Blue beard and his own insecurities about his blue coloured beard), she is seen as wicked because of this, people don’t notice that the reason she wants Dorothy’s downfall is because Dorothy’s house fell on her sister and killed her, and they stole her red shoes. They took someone precious from her and stole her things. This is very similar to Moon Young’s mother who is protective of her family and is determined to get rid of any one who tries to take them away. Dorothy ends up using water mistakenly killing the witch and she then realises that real person society worshipped, the wizard is not even powerful or real. He’s just a manipulator behind the scenes. 

All these stories have the themes of women being killed unfairly, and being viewed as something they are not. The interesting thing about these stories is that there are themes and imagery that stand out and so when the characters see the stories in a different way it’s shadowing their own internal strife and struggles. Mostly these 3 stories together help piece together the traumatic connection between Moon Young and her real family, her flashbacks and trauma with her mother who seems cold and is seen as monster/witch, her fear and the abuse suffered by her father who seems to have been convinced and manipulated into thinking she’s a monster and her self who has been groomed to be like her mother but is curious and desperate to be a good witch not a bad one. The story also leaves clues again to foreshadowing clues, such as Moon Young’s father being the one to cause her mother to die, Moon Young having a role in it, Moon Young finding out about a murder of another woman in the basement that still haunts her till this day (just like Bluebeard’s bride did) and Gang Tae’s link to danger because of being connected to wanting to free her. 

In a way Gang Tae finds a way to play a role in all of these fairy tales if you see it in a different way. He could be the brother that came to save the girl from Bluebeard and helped her run away. He could be the Cassio in the story of Othello, the loyal fair general who Othello becomes manipulated into jealousy against, Or he can be the good witch Glinda that offers Dorothy (Moon Young) a chance at freedom and a chance to see the wizard or he could also be the wizard who is actually weaker than how he’s viewed by everyone in Oz.  Either way Gang Tae plays the role of the saviour again in these roles willing to help save Moon Young whilst also being hurt by society if he gets to know her or if she uncovers his truth. 

(The way I see it we can see characters in Othello like this; we can Othello as Moon Young’s father, Lago as Society and Othello’s wife as Moon Young’s mother- that way it tells the story that from her point of view Moon Young’s mother feels betrayed that her husband was manipulated by society’s norms and others into thinking she was a monster and killing her. Or you can see it in this way Othello- Moon Young’s mother, Othello’s wife- Moon Young, Cassio- Gang Tae Lago-Society/Father- In this way Moon Young’s mother kills Moon Young’s spirit because she was jealous of her daughter being taken by Gang Tae when he arrived at the castle and her father as Lago because he ends up causing all of them to be killed by his selfishness and coldness.  Or society because Moon Young’s mum doesn’t want anyone to take her daughter from her because she feels alone by how she is viewed by society for her illness and it drives her to being jealous when Gang Tae shows up)   

The themes of these stories then follow the ideas of people feeling alienated by societal norms and their desperate attempts to not be alone as mentioned by Sang Tae who relates to this because he views his Autism as the blue beard of Bluebeard or green skin of the wicked witch . Moon Young’s is her ASPD that she was either born with or groomed with that makes people see her as a monster and take her feelings for granted. Her mother might have been the same as well. In a way the way Society views things that are different i.e. mental health causes these characters to be alienated and desperate to not lose the people who finally come into their lives. Moon Young’s mum adamant need to keep her alone in the castle by twisting her mind, Moon Young wanting Gang Tae by her side and Sang Tae’s own dependency on Gang Tae. The next themes also focuses on curiosity/ the need to uncover the secrets, which ends up being a downfall of the characters in these stories. Moon Young is like the bride in Bluebeard who’s curiosity leads her to breaking her promise and seeing the truth about her husband, she is traumatised by this scene but is later freed from it. Just like her curiosity with Gang Tae when they were younger leads to her realising how much of a monster her mother can be, and if we are still on that theory, it could be the catalyst for why Gang Tae’s mum ended up being murdered or why her mother ended up being killed.  

The last themes mentioned is manipulation of people being a reason for why innocent people get hurt. In Bluebeard we are shown through Moon Young’s father that the reason why Bluebeard kills his wife is because she looked like an angel but she was manipulating him into thinking so, she was always a monster who didn’t love the man but wanted his riches. In Othello, Othello is led to believe that his wife is unfaithful and is driven to madness by jealousy when in reality it was all manipulation by Lago who is jealous of Cassio. And Wizard of Oz, Dorothy is manipulated by society that the wicked witch is evil, and also is manipulated by them to believing the powers of the wizard when in reality he’s just a fake behind the curtain. She had the powers all along when she was given the red shoes. In this show Manipulation causes issues for the people, whether it causes massive fall outs like when Sang Tae felt manipulated by Gang Tae’s lies and his own perspective of his memories, or when Moon Young felt manipulated by her mother to run away from Gang Tae because she’ll never have someone who loves her for who she is. Manipulation comes at a cost for these people who feel alone and isolated by the world and it leads them to losing it and making choices which end up hurting everyone in the progress. 

 (I also wanted to mention the water Dorothy uses to kill the witch, I mentioned in my previous posts that there is memory of a woman drowning and Moon Young watching the woman drown, and there’s a woman who was thrown of a balcony that was kept in the basement who Moon Young saw. The woman who was drowning could be Moon Young’s mother, because the song she sings to her Dear Clementine is also about a woman who drowns. )

So to Kill or Not to Kill? Was it right that Moon Young’s mother got killed, are we being manipulated by others to think she was evil when she might be just like Moon Young and have a disorder causing her to be perceived that way. Did the father have any right to want to kill Moon Young? Is Gang Tae right in the way he views her and treats her because he feels she has no emotions? (This one is complete bull by the way, the way he treats her is not okay. End of.) Are these women in the right or are they in the wrong and should they be treated like monsters and killed? Should they be alone? We all know the title of the show disagrees. It’s okay to not be okay. These people have every right to be loved, and be treated properly. They are still humans.  

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press: A Thorough Breakdown of All the Marvel Easter Eggs on WandaVision

POPSUGAR: WandaVision has finally arrived, and it’s chock-full of hidden goodies for Marvel fans to devour! While the series is built upon a mystery that we’ll be spending a reported nine episodes trying to figure out, the smallest details in each episode provide clues on where the show is heading. From supermarket banners to foreboding commercials, viewers have an abundance of references and callbacks to classic comic lore and pivotal MCU moments. Are they setting the stage for a big reveal at the end, or are they just fun details included for fans to enjoy? While we try to figure it all out, scroll through to see what we’ve gathered! And check back every week for an episode-by-episode breakdown as WandaVision progresses.

  WandaVision Episode 5 Easter Eggs

Wanda and Vision’s brand new house, suitable for a family of four, is reminiscent of homes in ’80s sitcoms such as Full House and Growing Pains.

When Agnes comes in to offer her babysitting help, she refers to herself as “Auntie Agnes,” which is eerily close to her comic counterpart’s nickname, Auntie Agatha.

An uncomfortable break in conversation leads Agnes to ask Wanda if she wants her to “take it from the top.” Though Wanda appears confused for a moment, she readily smoothes the conversation and carries on. Vision is visibly perturbed, though Wanda attempts to redirect his attention. It seems like the facade is fading all around.

To the surprise of their parents, Tommy and Billy age up five years while the two argue over Agnes’s break in character.

This episode’s opening sequence shows Wanda and Vision growing up, which we know didn’t happen in real life for the synthezoid. The theme song sounds very similar to those from Family Ties and Growing Pains, and consists of lyrics noting that “we’re just making it up as we go along.” Sounds pretty close to how things are going with Wanda and Vision!

When Wanda’s scans come back, they’re inconclusive and show up blank. Considering Monica gains her powers due to bombardment by extradimensional energies in the comics, it’s entirely possible that the blast from Wanda back in episode three, coupled with passing through the forcefield around Westview twice, have given her those abilities. We could be seeing the rise of Photon!

While Jimmy Woo is explaining Wanda’s backstory to the agents of S.W.O.R.D., Director Hayward asks if she’s ever used a “funny nickname” like the other Avengers. She hasn’t, in fact, she’s never been referred to as Scarlet Witch in the MCU ever. Since her powers are different from her comic book counterpart, there’s never been a reason for anyone to call her a witch.

That never-before-seen post credits scene from Infinity War has officially made its debut. Director Hayward reveals footage of Wanda entering S.W.O.R.D. headquarters to steal Vision’s disassembled body. The video harks back to a moment in the comics where Vision was kidnapped and taken apart — but still very much alive. Much like that Vision, the one in Westview has his memory wiped and doesn’t remember anything before he woke up in his new world. So, the question is whether Vision is actually alive or not. Wanda’s hallucination from episode four might suggest he’s a walking corpse, but there’s more to the story.

Jimmy mentions that Wanda’s stealing of Vision’s body violates the Sokovia Accords, which haven’t been mentioned since Captain America: Civil War. Unfunnily enough, the Accords were a direct response to the mission gone wrong in Lagos where Wanda lost control of her powers and caused the death of many civilians.

Darcy mentions that Vision is playing “Father Knows Best in Surburbia,” referencing the ’50s sitcom.

Tommy and Billy find a dog that, with the help of Auntie Agnes, they name Sparky. The Vision family has a dog with that exact name in the King and Walta comics, but he’s green. Sadly, he meets a similar fate as his live-action counterpart.

Wanda blatantly uses her powers in front of Agnes, who has seemingly handled the magic around her with ease. It’s almost as if she’s used to magic.

Darcy calls the Westview anomaly the “hex” because of its hexagonal shape. Although the magic has been taken out of the phrase, Wanda’s powers are known as hexes in the comics.

Jimmy, Monica, and Darcy try to understand how Wanda can revive Vision and control the Hex, which takes much more power than she’s ever displayed before. Monica notes that Wanda has always been powerful, being the only Avenger who was close to taking down Thanos singlehandedly, which Jimmy interjects to note that Captain Marvel could as well. Both are empowered by Infinity Stones, with Carol’s Kree biology giving her a power boost.

When Jimmy brings up Captain Marvel, Monica is visibly uncomfortable and changes the subject back to Wanda. What happened there?

Vision’s office mates learn about the sweet glory that is dial-up internet! But when he and Norm open their first bit of electronic mail, it’s a transmission picked up from S.W.O.R.D. talking about the Maximoff anomaly.

Vision breaks through Norm’s conditioning, revealing that he’s under the control of a woman (alluding to it being Wanda). He directly references his family, a conversation that Jimmy mentioned in his notes in the last episode.

The twins have aged themselves up to 10 by this point and are seemingly completely aware that Wanda has control over certain aspects of life, like time. They point out that it was Saturday when they woke up, but Wanda says it’s now Monday. She apparently changed the day to send Vision to work. Is their awareness because they also have magic or because she doesn’t control them?

Monica sends an ’80s drone into Westview after working out that Wanda’s Hex is rewriting reality to suit each era occurring in the bubble, and the drone would need no era-appropriate change. Though she attempts to speak with Wanda through the drone, Director Hayward commands agents to fire a missile at Wanda instead — directly ignoring that Monica said she doesn’t see Wanda as a danger. The action results in Wanda leaving the Hex and confronting the S.W.O.R.D. agents outside. She’s wearing the suit we last saw her wearing in Infinity War and Endgame and has her accent back, although it’s much thicker than it’s been since Ultron.

Episode five’s commercial is more pointed than any of them have been. Lagos brand paper towels directly reference the city in which Wanda accidentally killed several people in Civil War by blowing up a building. Thus, the Sokovia Accords were born.

While Wanda and the twins are searching for a missing Sparky — with no one calling out the fact that Wanda disappeared for some time — the mailman tells the boys that their mom “won’t let him get far.” It seems almost like a dig at how no one can leave Westview, like the doctor mentioned during episode three.

When Agnes reveals that Sparky died after eating too many azalea bush leaves, the boys ask their mother to reverse his death. Agnes seems particularly surprised by the idea of Wanda having that ability despite having seen other displays of her power and watching the twins age up rapidly twice. Wanda tells the twins that they can’t reverse death as there are still rules to things, which almost seems hypocritical considering her circumstances. Is she trying to say that she hasn’t revived Vision? Or is she simply trying to keep her boys from expecting too much from her?

Later that night, Vision reveals that he unearthed Norm’s repressed memories and demands to know what’s going on. He tells Wanda that she can’t control him, which she cooly responds asking him, “Can’t I?” Although the credits start rolling, their argument continues as Vision unleashes his frustration with not knowing his past and his confusion over their circumstances. Wanda tells him that she doesn’t control everything, saying, “I don’t even know how all of this started.” Vision believes it began subconsciously, but chastises Wanda for letting it get that far. Wanda reiterates that she isn’t controlling everything, which gives weight to the theory that there’s someone else behind the scenes. But who could it be if Wanda isn’t the “she” that Norm was referring to?

Mid-argument, the Vision family doorbell rings, which Wanda states she didn’t do. I’m inclined to believe her because when she opens the door, she is genuinely shocked speechless. At the door is her “brother” Pietro, now sporting the face of Evan Peters. Darcy asks the question we were all thinking as the episode closes, “She recast Pietro!?”

  WandaVision Episode 4 Easter Eggs

This episode opens with the heartbreaking reveal that Monica Rambeau was one of the people lost to the Snapture from Infinity War. She returns from Endgame’s Reverse-Snap in a hospital where she had been awaiting news after her mother Maria’s surgery.

As Monica is waking up, we hear familiar voices echoing in her head. It’s Captain Marvel calling her by her childhood nickname, Lieutenant Trouble.

As Monica weaves through the chaos of people reappearing in the hospital post-Reverse-Snap, she finally locates someone who recognizes her. Although Maria survived the surgery five years ago, she died from cancer three years ago in real time, having not been blipped with her daughter.

We finally have some information on S.W.O.R.D.! The acronym stands for Sentient Weapon Observation Response Division, rather than the meaning in Marvel comics, which is Sentient World. It sounds a little more ominous, right?

Maria’s badass legacy continues well past her friendship with Captain Marvel; according to S.WO.R.D.’s acting director, Tyler Hayward, Maria helped build the agency during its inception. She was the acting director until her death.

Tim gives Monica a mission to help out the FBI in the town of WestView, NJ, where something super freaky is going on with a missing person’s case. This confirms that WestView is, indeed, a very real place.

Welcome back, Jimmy Woo! Monica’s FBI contact is none other than Scott Lang’s parole officer and semifriend, Agent Jimmy Woo.

Jimmy reveals that a person in witness protection has somehow dropped off the map in a town that no longer seems to exist where no one recalls anyone who lived there. In an attempt to figure out what’s going on, Monica sends in a S.W.O.R.D. drone that vanishes inside the forcefield. It’s revealed to have transformed into the retro-style helicopter that Wanda picks up in episode two! We can only assume that since it’s an item from the outside world, it gained color when it entered Wanda’s reality to show that it doesn’t belong.

Darcy Lewis is back! Now a doctor in astrophysics, Darcy is called to help figure out what’s gone wrong with WestView. She’s the one who figured out a signal for the broadcast and is the owner of the hand we saw watching Wanda and Vision in episode one.

The mysterious beekeeper from episode two is revealed to be S.W.O.R.D.’s Agent Franklin, who journeyed through Westview’s sewers to investigate. His hazmat suit became a beekeeper’s uniform, and the cable around his waist becomes a jump rope as he travels through the tunnels.

Darcy explains that the sitcom that’s become Wanda and Vision’s life is literally being broadcast through the signals that S.W.O.R.D.’s viewing, with an audience and everything. There’s no explanation for how this is happening, but Darcy and company watched those first three episodes just like we did, credits and all.

Darcy also points out that Vision is supposed to be dead-dead, which leaves his presence in WestView still unexplained.

While Darcy and Jimmy can identity a majority of the neighbors we’ve met in WestView to their real-life counterparts, Dottie and Agnes are the only ones who are missing real information.

It’s revealed that Agent Woo was the voice behind the radio disruption, just as we suspected! But while we can see Wanda and Dottie’s reaction to the call, Darcy’s broadcast didn’t show the same thing. She explains that someone is “censoring” the visuals they’re receiving, which means someone knows they’re watching.

Back in the sitcom WestView, we see that Monica’s slip-up resulted in Wanda blasting her through the house and the energy field. It’s the first time we physically see Wanda using her powers again, so she still has them. But the lapse in her facade has consequences — when Vision returns from his talk with Agnes and Herb outside, Wanda hallucinates him as she last saw him in Infinity War, a corpse with his head crushed in.

It’s important to note that Vision seems to become more aware of the strangeness of their world with each episode. It makes sense because no matter how human he may seem, he’s still a synthezoid who has always been able to see beyond the superficial. It harks back to his “birth” in Age of Ultron. He’s omnipotent and always learning.

When Monica lands back in the real world, all she says is, “It’s all Wanda.” That seemingly serves as an answer to what’s going on in WestView, but it’s not a whole answer. Wanda seems just as confused and unaware as everyone else, but she is willing to stay in her “perfect” world. The question is, who put Wanda in the position to have her perfect world?

  WandaVision Episode 3 Easter Eggs

Much like the comics, Wanda magically becomes pregnant! But this time around, things are progressing much more quickly, and her doctor isn’t Dr. Strange.

The first of the episode’s weird glitches happens with Wanda and Vision’s neighbor Herb, who is attempting to saw through the brick fence separating the two houses instead of trimming his hedges. When Vision points out that his aim has gone a bit askew, Herb’s detached reaction is a bit creepy. He thanks Vision but keeps sawing through the wall! And unlike the previous weird behavior, there’s nothing that triggers the moment, especially not from Vision or Wanda.

Wanda and Vision contemplate what to name their baby boy, with Vision suggesting Billy and Wanda throwing out Tommy. (The argument becomes moot when they have twins!) These are the names of the pair’s sons in the comic, who later become members of the Young Avengers. In the show, Wanda chooses her name because it’s “all-American,” which is also a fair indicator of why her perfect reality is framed around sitcoms. Vision cites William Shakespeare as his inspiration and uses a quote from As You Like It that seems pretty on the nose. “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players” seems like a pointed reference to the fact that WandaVision is, in fact, all a show.

Wanda decorates the nursery using Simser brand paint, which is most likely a nod to Jeremy Simser, a storyboard artist for Marvel Studios and WandaVision.

The second glitch appears when Wanda says the residents of WestView always seem “on the verge of discovering our secret.” Vision has a moment of sobering clarity where he notes that something is wrong in WestView, citing the incidents with Mr. and Mrs. Hart and their neighbor Herb. A second after his says this, reality glitches and the scene starts over with Vision seemingly worry-free. The last time this happened with the beekeeper, it was clear Wanda was the culprit in turning back time, but in this case, she doesn’t seem to do anything to force the change. This suggests someone else is pulling the strings.

Wanda mentions that their child could be human or “synthezoid,” a term that originates in the comics. Although fans like to joke that Vision is an android, he’s technically a synthetic human. He’s not made of metal or machinery — in the comics, his body is composed of the bioengineering tech of Dr. Helen Cho, while in the MCU, he’s made of organic tissue mixed with vibranium and “powered” by the Mind Stone.

Vision jokes that Billy will be just like his mom, which is funny because, in the comics, Billy has magical abilities similar to Wanda’s powers. Tommy ends up having superspeed abilities like his uncle, Pietro.

It’s time for the third commercial! Much like the previous episode’s watch promotion, this break references Hydra — though a tad more directly. It’s all about Hydra Soak, and the message is decidedly more pointed than we’ve had before. “Escape to a world all your own, where your problems float away,” the announcer says. “When you want to get away, but you don’t want to go anywhere: Hydra Soak.” Marvel: Agents of Shield fans will recall that Hydra Soak HAS been mentioned on the show. During the series’s Framework arc, Phil Coulson claims that Hydra is brainwashing people using soap, so he makes his own. Is the commercial another sign that Hydra is behind the mystery of WestView? Is it a warning that no one in the town will be able to get away? And what’s that about finding the goddess within?

The actors in this ad are the same ones as the previous ones, Victoria Blade and Ithamar Enriquez. Their recurring presence might mean they have some significance in Wanda’s life. Maybe they’re her parents?

In what feels like an ominous follow-up to the Hydra Soak commercial, the doctor reveals that he and his wife won’t be taking their trip away after all. “Small towns, you know, so hard to escape,” he mutters, pointedly. I think we’re starting to get the hint, folks! Wanda mentions she is a twin and that her brother was named Pietro. It’s been a hot minute since anyone has talked about MCU’s Quicksilver — he made his debut back in Age of Ultron, the same film in which he was shot and killed.

When Geraldine lets it slip that she knows about Pietro’s death at the hands of Ultron, Wanda interrogates her and discovers her necklace bears a familiar symbol — it’s that damn S.W.O.R.D. logo, and Wanda is apparently not a fan.

In another sign that something is UP, Agnes and Herb seem to warn Vision about Geraldine. They note that she’s “brand new” to town with no family and start to say that “she came here because we’re all —” before they’re cut off. It’s worth noting that the two figures that may be MCU versions of formidable Marvel characters are the ones who seem to understand that strange things are going on in WestView. If Agnes and Herb are the MCU’s Agatha Harkness and High Evolutionary, they would definitely be the ones in the know. But why would they try to warn Vision about Geraldine if WestView is a trap?

Agnes is wearing her infamous brooch as a necklace that could be referencing an MCU supervillain mentioned before. The necklace has three figures close together, with the center figure holding what looks like a giant scythe. Is it another clue that the Grim Reaper is on his way?

Wanda literally throws Geraldine out of town — though she tells Vision that she had to run home — and Geraldine passes through what seems like a magical forcefield. While fans have been assuming WestView is a fake town, this shows us that physically, it’s a very real place. But it’s currently bubbled off with a barrier that Wanda can apparently allow people in and out of. And the song that plays as Geraldine finds herself outside the barrier? “Daydream Believer” by The Monkees. It seems pretty appropriate for a situation that feels like a surreal dream.

When Geraldine lands on the outskirts of real WestView, she’s instantly swarmed by cars and agents all bearing the S.W.O.R.D. logo. Since we know Teyonah Parris is playing the adult Monica Rambeau, it’s safe to assume Geraldine was an alias she used to go undercover in WestView. Combined with the mystery agent watching the show within the show from episode one, we can conclude that Wanda and Vision are being closely observed by S.W.O.R.D. for some reason. But they clearly aren’t the ones in control, since Monica is so easily forced out. What will they do next?

While the opening credits of this episode are a reference to The Brady Bunch, it’s the end credits that give us another clue about the big bad coming our way. Just like the previous episodes, Wanda and Vision are framed in a hexagon as the end credits roll. The symbol is so important because it’s the preferred shape of the creators at Advanced Idea Mechanics, or AIM, who are last seen in Iron Man 3. Remember the beekeeper suits that resemble AIM agents’ clothing? It seems like the evil organization might be making a comeback.

  WandaVision Episode 2 Easter Eggs

The opening credits for this episode aren’t just an adorable homage to Bewitched but a whole bevy of Marvel Easter eggs! The illustration of the moon happens to be surrounded by six stars, and we can’t help but be reminded of the Infinity Gauntlet.

When Vision phases through the floor, there’s a dark shape that looks exactly like the helmet worn by Marvel supervillain Grim Reaper hidden in the space. In the comics, he’s the brother of Wonder Man, whose brainwaves were used in Vision’s creation.

When Wanda goes to the supermarket in the opening, three references hang above the aisle! Bova Milk refers to Bova, the humanoid cow who raised Wanda and Pietro on Mount Wundagore. Auntie A’s kitty litter is a witchy reference to Auntie Agatha or Agatha Harkness, whom we’ve discussed before, and her cat-like familiar named Ebony. And Wonder Mints is most definitely a cheeky reference to Wonder Man, aka Simon Williams, the superhero who Vision’s brainwaves are based on in the comics!

When animated Wanda and Vision settle on their couch, the small figure on their side table is a statue of the Whizzer. Featured in 1982’s Vision and the Scarlet Witch, the Whizzer thought he was Wanda’s father but later discovers he was wrong. Whizzer and his wife were offered the chance to adopt Wanda and Pietro when they were kids on the mythical Mount Wundagore, but they declined.

When Wanda hears a crash outside the house, she heads out to the front, where she finds a colorful toy helicopter in an otherwise black-and-white world. Not only does the red-and-yellow helicopter have the number 57 stamped on it, but it also bears the S.W.O.R.D symbol! The number is likely in reference to Vision’s first appearance in Avengers #57, while the symbol hints to the presence of S.W.O.R.D outside Wanda’s perfect world.

The creepy, cult-like refrain spoken by the fundraiser organizers of it all being “for the children” seems to be a reference to Wanda’s involvement in the comic event The Children’s Crusade. The story follows her son, Billy, who’s trying to gain control over his reality-warping abilities by looking for a missing Wanda.

Well, here’s another blast from the angsty past! The Strücker timepiece is a very obvious callback to Hydra and Baron von Strücker. The watch bears the unmistakable octopus skull symbol of Hydra, and Strücker is the Hydra leader who recruited Pietro and Wanda for the experimentation that gave them powers. He was later killed by Ultron in his prison cell. Does anyone else hear that ticking noise? Remember good ol’ Herb? In the comics, a character named Herbert is also the High Evolutionary who runs Mount Wundagore, the very same safe haven where Bova delivered the Maximoff twins. Time will tell if the super-scientist is the same character, but it can’t be a coincidence.

Wanda and Vision’s magic show has two gems that we’ve noticed! First thing, the literal Mind Stone happens to be the design on the doors of the Cabinet of Mystery that plays a huge part in their act. Second, Wanda and Vision use the names Illusion and Glamour for their actor, which are also the names of the magicians that Vision goes to see in an issue of The Vision and the Scarlet Witch.

Though we all enjoy a good jam, The Beach Boys’ “Help Me, Rhonda” gets interrupted by someone asking, “Who’s doing this to you, Wanda?” And doesn’t that voice sound an awful lot like Randall Park’s Jimmy Woo?

While it may seem weird that Wanda shows her pregnancy in an instant, it’s in line with what goes on in the comics. Wanda uses magic to help her have children, which checks out since her husband is a synthezoid.

Oooh, that mysterious beekeeper! Not only does their presence lead to the reveal that Wanda has some control over the reality they’re in, but it also sets off some alarm bells. Even though the beekeeper’s suit bears the S.W.O.R.D logo on the back, the costume is reminiscent of the yellow costumes worn by A.I.M., a military science organization founded by Baron von Strücker. Could this be a sign that Wanda is being watched by more than one organization? And is this a hint that Hydra is back!? (Obviously, it is.)

  WandaVision Episode 1 Easter Eggs

When Wanda accidentally smashes a plate into Vision’s head, he jokes about his wife and her “flying saucers,” and she comments back about his “indestructible head.” Considering that Vision died after having the Mind Stone ripped from his head, it’s a dark joke to kick off the series.

Vision’s work tie has a visual reference to his comic-book alter ego! In Tom King and Gabriel Hernandez Walta’s Vision, whenever the character dresses as a human, he wears a tie clip that emulates the diamond pattern on his chest.

Vision’s boss, Mr. Hart, is likely named after comic creator Steve Englehart, who created 1985’s The Vision and the Scarlet Witch with Richard Howell, a miniseries that heavily influenced WandaVision. It’s been heavily implied that Kathryn Hahn’s Agnes is the MCU’s Agatha Harkness, a witch who helped train Wanda’s magic back in the ’70s and ’80s.

When Wanda magically saves dinner, the bottle of wine she pours from is Maison du Mépris, which translates to house of contempt or scorn. As fans have pointed out since the trailer drop, this seems like a reference to the House of M comics storyline in which Wanda bends reality into a new world ruled by her family.

The Stark commercial break refers to two things: Avengers icon Tony Stark and his part in Wanda’s dark past. As Wanda and her twin brother, Pietro, explain in Avengers: Age of Ultron, their parents were killed by an explosive Stark Industries device, leaving the twins trapped under rubble. The Maximoffs were trapped by a Stark Industries shell for two days, expecting it to detonate before they get rescued. Even though Wanda eventually fights beside Tony in the future, there’s still some trauma from that experience and her brother’s death. If it weren’t for the Starks, Wanda could have been a completely different person.

The episode closes with a mysterious observer watching the “show” and taking notes on a pad with the logo of S.W.O.R.D. on the cover. For those who don’t know, S.W.O.R.D stands for Sentient World Observation and Response Department and is a subdivision of S.H.I.E.L.D. It’s a counterterrorism and intelligence agency that deals with extraterrestrial threats to world security. Expect to see them around more.

Press: A Thorough Breakdown of All the Marvel Easter Eggs on WandaVision was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

[howtofightwrite]

Q&A: Refurbished Criminals

Do you know if it actually happens that the police (or similar force) would hire or work with a criminal with great fighting abilities? Because they would be expendable? Or is that just a trope used in fiction? I can hardly imagine that it’s true, but informants are a thing (from what I know), so such a kind of arrangement doesn’t seem to be too far fetched?

If I’m being blunt, I don’t remember seeing, “great fighting abilities,” being cited in one of those examples. Usually, what you’ll see is something like, “they’re a great thief,” or, “they’re a genius hacker,” not, “they’re an artist with a crowbar.”

If a police force needed combat specialists for something, they already have those. Both in their own SWAT units, and also from ex-military members of their own organization. (It’s also distinctly possible that these groups would overlap. So you can get an ex-military SWAT team member.)

The irony is, you’d be hard pressed to find a real criminal, “combat specialist.” Violence doesn’t pay the bills. It is a tool that can used during the commission crime, but violence is only one aspect.

The best you can hope for is, like with cops, that your criminal has a military background. That’s not far fetched. They’ll understand how to fight and manage their foes, but by necessity, their specialty will be something that actually pays.

For law enforcement, violence is a tiny part of the job. Far more often, they’ll be showing up after the violence is over, and piecing together what happened. When looking at the aftermath of a violent crime, having a, “combat specialist,” on hand isn’t going to be that useful. After all, investigating a violent crime is a detective’s job. They are specialists. There’s not much insight a “combat specialist” can give a detective who spends their days studying murders for clues. For a detective, violence isn’t mysterious.

Now, reformed career criminals do have a real option selling their expertise as consultants. When you’re looking to shore up your company’s security, being able to hire a former criminal to learn about the weaknesses in your organization can be a major boon. And some reformed criminals do offer consulting services. Want to learn how a professional would break into your building? Hire an ex-thief. Want to know how a con artist would get access to your client data? Learn about social engineering from the people who used it.

There’s an entire field of security called Penetration Testing (or just “Pen Testing”), where you hire someone to break into your security. This could be a hacker, or a thief. At that point, you’re paying them to find ways to break in, so you can use the information they find to improve your security. Kevin Mitnick is one example, but there are a number of others.

Law enforcement organizations may choose to use outside consultants for specialized training. This could include people with criminal backgrounds explaining their methodology. However, in most cases, this would be things things the police are already familiar with from their own investigations.

What you would not see is the cliche of an ex-criminal who works alongside detectives in their investigations. That doesn’t happen. Any half-sentient defense attorney would be able to rip apart an investigation which included criminals as investigators. Because of cultural prejudices, criminals (and former criminals) don’t have a lot of credibility. While you can argue the merits of it, this is a cultural norm. As a result, criminal witnesses and investigators are far less useful than ones with a clean record. The closest you’d get are informants.

Informants are a complex topic on their own. The short version is, they don’t assist in the investigation, they report information they have to the police. In the simplest terms, they are just another witness, the only unique thing about them is that the police have “cultivated” them. They may enjoy informal protection from prosecution over minor crimes if they’re useful. This, in turn, means their credibility is virtually non-existent in court, and as a result, the police need to justify their findings.

With a criminal investigation, it’s not about the end result; it’s about creating a complete picture of what happened, and showing how you put that together from the available information. The entire concept of, “expendable,” doesn’t apply, because it’s all part of the picture.

Using criminals because they’re expendable is a thing, just not for law enforcement. For example, if you’re working for an intelligence agency, having criminals you can use and discard can be situationally useful.

Again, you’re probably not going to grab criminals for their combat expertise. If your operation requires combat specialists, you’re better off tapping your nation’s Tier One operators. The only thing a criminal combatant would be good for is a distraction.

Ironically, that same lack of credibility makes criminals very appealing for spies. If something goes wrong, if the criminal tries to burn them, who’ll believe a burglar? Especially when “they’ll say anything to save their own skin?”

Since someone will probably mention it, one scenario where you’d have cops working with criminals is when the cops are also criminals. The widespread corruption within Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department comes to mind as a good example of this. However, at that point, you wouldn’t be looking at a real investigation, you’d basically be looking at criminals (some with badges, some without), either trying to protect themselves or attack their rivals.

On the whole, the criminal working with cops motif is a method to spice up “Odd Couple” cop teams. It has very little relation to reality, and is entirely about trying to generate drama between the characters. There are ways an ex-criminal can put their experience to use without breaking the law, but getting partnered with a by-the-book, “too old for this shit,” cop isn’t one of them.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. If you enjoy our content, please consider becoming a Patron. Every contribution helps keep us online, and writing. If you already are a Patron, thank you.

Q&A: Refurbished Criminals was originally published on How to Fight Write.

[moneypedia]

How to Defend Against False Accusations: A Personal Defense and 5 Guidelines to Protect The Truth

August 5, 2018 By Drew Shepherd

[Note: This post contains details about an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder (BPD). These details are included for informational purposes only, not to spread hate towards people with the illness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with BPD, however, you may want to avoid this article.]

Guilty until proven innocent.

That’s the new norm these days.

Our current social climate has made it empowering to be a victim. And any abusers left standing must be exterminated—whether they’re guilty or not.

Please don’t think I’m downplaying the experience of actual victims though.

I know what it’s like to be among the lowest of society, and the struggle of real victims is part of the inspiration behind this site.

But the inconvenient truth is that all these “abusers” aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Why do I say that you ask?

Because I’m one of them.

And this is my story.

The Accusation(s)

During my early twenties, I got involved with a girl who I later realized had borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’ve already written about the experience and I’ve alluded to it multiple times since. So please read that article before this one if you haven’t already.

BPD is a serious mental illness, but most people have never heard of it, let alone know how to diagnose it.

If you’re not aware of how people with the disorder act, this post will come off as a rant against an innocent girl who liked me—which couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to summarize, the most notable symptom of BPD is the inability to regulate emotions. It’s a symptom so powerful that a sufferer’s feelings can define his or her reality. And this is what leads to many false accusations.

Manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, promiscuity—she publicly accused me of all them.

It’s part of the process of “painting someone black.” The BPD person goes through cycles of both extreme love and hate for their loved one, but once the relationship ends, the other party is permanently devalued.

Of course this treatment is reserved for those in close relationships with the BPD sufferer. Outsiders will only see a victim pleading her case.

I’ve stayed quiet on these accusations so far since most of them don’t have any substance, but I unfortunately made one mistake that appears to give her claims some validity.

So I’m sure that she already has, or eventually will use this evidence against me. And if her false accusations were to gain traction, they would not only destroy my reputation, but also the legitimacy of the message I present on this site.

The latter is my primary reason for defense.

I’ve always said that the Bible is the basis for my moral judgment, and that couldn’t be more important than in sexual matters.

Now do I always control my lustful impulses and thoughts?

And do I always prevent myself from viewing images I shouldn’t see?

No.

I’m a Christian but I’m still a sinful human being. Controlling lust is part of the lifelong battle against sin in the Christian life.

But when it comes to things like fornication and adultery, I’ve held true to my stance on abstinence.

And as tough as it is to be a twenty-something with this stance in our sex-saturated world, it’s beyond frustrating to be accused of doing the complete opposite.

I’m an ambassador for what I believe. And I can’t allow anything on this site—faith-related or not—to be diminished because of one person’s claims.

So I’ll go into detail here about what really happened, and then I’ll show you how to defend against false accusations once and for all.

Drew “The Player”

I’ll preface my story with a little background information.

I was going into my last semester in college, and it had been about a year since I saw my accuser in person.

Things didn’t end well between me and her the last time we were “together.” But I was admittedly still interested in her—even with all the red flags.

It appeared that both of us were sad with the way the first go ‘round ended. So I foolishly tried to work something out with her before the semester started.

To my surprise, I was ignored and indirectly shot down.

How a normal girl would’ve reacted

It hurt pretty bad after putting myself out there for someone I thought still cared. But rejection is a part of life, so I moved on.

What’s crazy though, is that she changed her mind at some point afterwards. And even though I never got a direct response from her, she apparently assumed we were in a quasi-relationship.

Now fast forward to February.

It was the week of Valentine’s Day. And while I did still think of her, I wasn’t sending a Valentine’s Day anything to a girl who I didn’t trust, who now lived in a different state, and who couldn’t even respond to my direct communication.

The only reason I entertained the thought of us getting back together—if we were ever truly together in the first place—was because she hoovered me back in.

Hoovering is a term that describes actions similar to what its namesake, the Hoover vacuum does.

It’s a tactic people with personality disorders subconsciously use to suck loved ones back in after a failed relationship.

In this case, she used one of the social media apps we both had to convince me that she was open to a renewed relationship, and that she had changed for the better.

But at this point, I was just focused on schoolwork because I had no clue what this girl was thinking.

I had a senior project for an external company that took most of my time that semester.

My project group and I met just about every weekday. And at the time, we were all trying to meet a deadline coming up the next week.

The day after Valentine’s Day, one of my teammates mentioned that we should go play trivia at a local bar. But being the introverted party-pooper I am, I declined.

My schedule involved waking at around 5:30 each day. My teammates were always out too late for my liking, and I knew I’d never make it back in time to get enough sleep if I went.

So I gave the whole, “Thanks, but no thanks” spiel even though I knew they wouldn’t let me off that easy.

Our team was a pretty tight group—especially for four people who were assigned to each other at random.

We had a ton of inside jokes by the end of the semester. And they were the first to tease me at graduation because my honor stole nearly fell as I walked across the stage.

So naturally, they all had a good laugh at me for not wanting to miss my bedtime.

Of course it was all playful fun though. I did get back at them numerous times over the semester, but I’ll admit that I have an off-kilter personality that lends itself to being teased.

So anyway, we went our separate ways and I headed to bed.

The next day, I saw an email from the night before saying that I was invited to a school-specific social app. I didn’t see the email until the early morning though because I went to bed early.

I had never heard of the app before and I was skeptical. So my first thought after waking and reading the email was, “What the heck is (app name here)?”

My second thought was, “Who’s the funny guy who sent this?”

Now I knew it was someone who previously had my email address.

Of course any student could have pulled that info from the school’s directory, but I doubt anyone would have gone through the trouble of searching their class roster, finding me, and then using my email address for the sake of hitting me up on an app.

So it had to be someone with whom I worked with closely or had a personal relationship with.

With these facts in mind, I falsely concluded that it was a prank from my teammate that the rest of the group was in on.

They had just gone out together the night before. And they always found a way to mess with me—even when I wasn’t around.

So just like any other time I felt I was being pranked, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I played along with the hope that the other party wouldn’t realize until it was too late (and this has been my M.O. since I was a kid).

But doing this, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

Any form of participation on what I later realized was a hookup app would paint me in a bad light. And the consequences of my actions weren’t as clear at 5:30 in the morning.

After I made a quick profile—complete with pictures no man would ever use if he was truly seeking casual sex—I waited about 15 minutes for a response that never came.

Then after realizing how bad my actions could appear without context, I quickly deleted the app and went on with my day.

I’m not sure if I completely wiped the profile I created. But since the app was lesser-known and low key about its hookup aspect—it’s not like I signed on to Tinder—I figured this wouldn’t be a problem.

Outside of my own actions with the invite and the app though, I don’t know anything else. But there’s a chance that a troll profile made 10 minutes after I woke could end up biting me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to address it.

Now, I’m almost certain this invite was from my accuser. And I still kick myself for not recognizing the true source of the bait.

My actions gave her the apparent confirmation that I was “playing the field.” And within the week, she either started, or just made it obvious that she was sleeping with another guy to spite me—a wild and disproportionate response to the thought that your S.O. may be seeing someone else.

So once I confirmed that this actually happened, I ghosted her and all her drama, focused on my schoolwork (which led to my first 4.0), and then went along with my life.

People with BPD are notorious for doing stuff like this. It’s the reason why a popular book covering the illness is called Stop Walking On Eggshells (affiliate link):

They’ll cry about a lack of communication but then ignore you when you reach out to them.

They’ll go on about how lonely they are while sleeping with one of their (or even your) “friends” behind your back.

They’ll say you’re too stupid to complete a task but discredit you when you do it, and then raise the bar higher so you won’t reach the new mark.

After a while you won’t know what to do because she’ll never be satisfied. And everyone else will chalk it up to you not knowing how to treat a woman.

No-win situations and constant testing are common to those in relationships with these people—especially in regards to anything sexual. So I presume the invite was a test to see if I was some dirtbag who would cheat on his partner.

Now I’d hesitate to call it cheating either way since she ignored my attempts to directly communicate, and I had no idea what our relationship status was.

But the other “fact” she gathered was that I was a player who enjoyed casual sex (an assumption that would have driven a younger me mad with laughter).

Look, I understand that I don’t have a squeaky-clean Christian boy appearance—going through trials doesn’t purify the outside after all.

But that doesn’t mean I partake in the same activities those who look like me may be into. And it for sure doesn’t mean that my moral character is anything different than what I present on this site.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m black either…but I won’t go down that road.

I should also note that I don’t have a personal Facebook or Instagram account. So it’s tough for others to know much about my life unless they read this site or talk to me or my loved ones personally.

This blank space makes me an easy target for accusations since I can be unknowingly attacked through mediums where I can’t defend myself. And there are no videos of me playing with my dog to fill the holes left by my “shady” lifestyle.

Usually this isn’t a problem as most of the people I meet don’t care about my online presence. But of course there’s always one person who assumes the worst case scenario. And it’s sad that in my case, this person was someone I genuinely liked before.

These obsessive behaviors were nothing new though:

This same girl cried sobbed in the middle of one of our classes—when we were both in our twenties mind you—because I didn’t initially return her interest.

She would go from spaced-out to depressed and then stare at me like it was my fault.

She even accused me of cheating after seeing a pic my mom took of me when I was at dinner with my family.

So you can imagine the relief I felt when I closed the door on that for good.

At this point, the only ones who still believe her lies—or to be fair to the illness she has, her reality—are people I’ve never met.

But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just annoyed that my life is still negatively affected because I fell for the wrong girl.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the honest truth.

How to Craft Your Defense

So now that my story’s out of the way, how do you fight your own false accusations?

It’s not too difficult.

Just follow these 5 guidelines to protect yourself in both the present, and the future:

1) Remember the Alibi

As tempting as it is to piece together a story that makes you look like a saint, you have to ensure the truth you present is actually…well, true.

Since I couldn’t remember all this off the top of my head, I dug through my old emails and group conversations to get the timeline right. And I could always use them again if legal action was involved.

It also helps that I have an archive of posts here that clearly present my personality and the mistakes I’ve made.

You can even compare this post to the one I wrote on BPD earlier and you’ll see numerous similarities. If anyone thought I was lying, they could search the other 40+ posts here too to see that the story adds up.

But if you don’t have thousands of words as supporting evidence, just take your time, breathe, and write down what happened as best as you remember.

False accusations can cloud your memory when you first hear them, and your emotions will push for a raw defense. But if you start writing what you remember, you can put that passion to good use now, and update your writing later with more facts.

A story set in writing will be a great resource to have. You don’t want to lean on your memory or your speech when the pressure’s on.

If you write down what happened, you’ll also find other bits of evidence you’ll need to prepare your defense. And if your audience is really concerned with the truth, they’ll take all the info they can get.

2) Compare the Fruit

Perhaps the easiest way to expose the shakiness of false accusations is to note the shakiness of the accuser’s lifestyle.

This is by far my least favorite technique though since it appears to be an attack on character instead of the accusation itself. But understand that those two targets aren’t mutually exclusive.

A person who usually acts one way is almost certain to do it again.

And no, that fact isn’t judgmental. It’s simple probability.

This is going to sound like I’m bragging about my accomplishments and attacking her character, but let’s compare some notable points about my life and my accuser’s:

I improved to at least a 3.5 GPA in my last four college semesters within a STEM major. But I’ll admit my accuser was booksmart, so we’re pretty much even there.

I have never gotten blacked-out drunk (or even consumed alcohol). I have never taken an illegal substance. And I have never lived a promiscuous lifestyle. My accuser has done, and probably still does, all three.

I landed a stable job in my field more than a month before I graduated, and I’m still employed there today. My accuser barely held a job as a bar server about a year after graduating with the same degree.

Again, I don’t like expressing my achievements, and I never want to attack anyone’s character. We all make mistakes, and I made one of the biggest mistakes any student ever will (which she contributed to by the way).

But when someone’s lifestyle displays a clear pattern of incompetence, recklessness, and mental instability, the validity of their claims also takes a hit.

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve written the equivalent of a book here at HFE—a site where I cover my own shortcomings just as much, if not more than my accomplishments—on my own time and dollar because I believe it will help others.

So knowing all this, let me ask you, who do you think is telling the truth?

A tree’s fruit always gives it away.

Know who you are and know who you’re dealing with so any other lies are dismissed as the jokes they are.

3) Change “I” to “We”

The most unfortunate thing about false accusations is that no one’s waiting to hear a verdict.

As soon as those words leave your accuser’s mouth, you will be facing much more than one person.

Friends, family, social circles, even whole communities may turn against you.

And what began as a defense against one liar becomes a battle against an entire army.

So what do you do when this multitude of warriors stands against you?

It’s simple.

You gather the troops.

Find people who can vouch for your story. Get help from friends who aren’t blinded by the lies. Ask people who were neutral bystanders to explain what happened since they’re not biased.

I know I can get anyone from former classmates, friends, and family members to acknowledge the truth of my claims.

And since I know the mental issues my accuser deals with, I can also refer to a psychologist or another mental health resource.

An understanding of my accuser’s mind is one of the best counters to her claims. Yes, she acts in unstable ways, but they’re predictably unstable, and numerous people have experience with the problem I have now.

You shouldn’t be afraid to get professional help either.

Lawyer up if it’s serious enough.

Slander and libel are legit crimes. And if you can prove that your life is heavily impacted, especially financially, you may have a case.

So don’t go at this alone. You can bet your accuser isn’t.

4) Go One and Done

The biggest mistake people make when presenting any argument, defense, or reasoning is that they over-explain themselves.

Sure, you want to be as thorough as possible in your explanation, and you should reference points of that original argument to answer questions. But there’s no need to add to your stance or sate a mind that will never believe you.

If you’ve taken the necessary steps to present and defend the truth, you have to live with the results.

Learn to be comfortable with the fact that everyone won’t like, listen to, or believe you. Because the more you add to your original defense, the weaker it will appear.

You’ll also introduce more room for error. And it would be a shame for a memory lapse to cause an otherwise solid defense to fail.

Remember that it’s only your job to present the truth. Not to make others believe it.

I’m confident that my defense removes any ammo my accuser has left. So now the only claims she can bring against me are accusations of neglect—which don’t matter since I’m not her parent—or causing hurt feelings—which isn’t a crime in America yet.

I presented the truth one time, and now there’s no need to address her claims again.

Every accusation doesn’t deserve a response. So stay true to what really happened, and let people think what they want afterwards.

5) Don’t Even Fake It

These accusations have made me realize the importance of the Bible’s command to, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV)

It’s not enough to just avoid evil acts. You have to avoid situations where you could possibly do them too.

For instance, plenty articles on false accusations describe how to protect yourself against false rape claims. But if someone can accuse you of something like rape without an obvious fabrication, you are in over your head.

You can’t reach the point where a verdict is decided by a “yes” or “no.”

It’s one of the many reasons you shouldn’t sleep around in the first place. You are putting your life in the hands of someone who could easily change their mind in the morning. And you have to stay out of that gray area.

Remember to guard your character at all times. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on your integrity.

For example, I remember one conversation I had with a friend a few years back, and my accuser happened to be in the room.

My friend noticed that I received a few glances of interest from girls. So out of the blue he asked, “Drew, how many girls do you get?”

He chuckled while asking the question, so of course it wasn’t anything serious. He didn’t ask about anything explicitly sexual either.

So being the joker I am, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know. I lost count.”

Then the both of us laughed it off.

But there’s a chance my accuser heard those words and immediately assumed the worst.

It would have been ridiculous to say something like:

“I’m sorry sir, but I am a Bible-believing man of God who has accepted the challenge to live righteously. How dare you imply that I live such a heinous lifestyle?!”

So I had a quick laugh and moved off the subject.

But even this could have added to her claims. So now I try not to even joke about stuff like that—at least not when I’m around people who barely know me.

You should do the same. But don’t limit your efforts to watching your tongue:

Always dress in a respectable manner.

Avoid the crazy nighttime venues—they’re magnets for people like my accuser.

And please don’t go to a hotel room belonging to a member of the opposite sex.

Presentation always matters.

Avoid the appearance of evil, and it’ll be impossible to even accuse you.

Grant Me That Chance

I’ve had enough headaches from my past relationship, and I’d rather not think about it anymore.

But it was important to defend myself here before any other false info leaked.

I hope none of it came across as too aggressive though. I wrote all of this to clear my name, not to get revenge.

From all I’ve seen, read, and now experienced, real victims don’t go out of their way to destroy their abuser’s life. They just want justice and a chance to finally move on.

So if anything else comes up about this, please remember this point and grant me that chance.

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate my accuser, and I hope she’s able to turn her life around.

If there was a normal version of her who didn’t have what she had, I’d love to meet her. But the ship has sailed on anything between me and the real her.

All I want now is peace and the freedom to live a good life. And I’m sure that’s all you want too.

So remember who you are, take a stand for the truth, and then defend it with your life.

And who knows? Someone else may come to your defense if you do.

-Drew

[kaleidoscopic-quiddity]

autistic bnha kids

 Midoriya Izuku:

special interests in heroes, quirks, and All Might

particularly encyclopedic knowledge about All Might, can and will infodump at any given opportunity 

stims by rocking back and forth when excited and pulling on his bottom lip when stressed or in deep thought 

covers his face with his arms when flustered because embarrassment gives him too much energy, he’s gotta physically work it out some way!! 

has a habit of ‘cutting to the heart of things’ (as todoroki puts it lol), often doesn’t realise that he may be overstepping his bounds a lil bit 

lowkey echolaila, repeats a lot of All Might’s catchphrases trying to get the right intonation when he’s alone 

mind tends to move much faster than his mouth, hence the muttering and stuttering

over-exaggerated facial expressions that he learnt from All Might cartoons because just ‘naturally picking it up’ is really hard okay?? 

wears the same shoes constantly because they’re a comfort item and also the only ones that aren’t sensory hell to wear 

imitates other people’s mannerisms when he’s unsure how to act (i.e acting like Bakugou when he really wants to win, or basing his hero persona around All Might)

hyper-empathetic, emotionally relates to struggles of anyone who’s more than an acquaintance and often looks to try and solve their problems 

cries a lot because of emotional dysregulation, it seems like a disproportionate response to others but if Midoriya feels he has to cry, he cries 

Todoroki Shouto:

naturally flat/monotone voice, struggles with vocal intonation

also doesn’t really do facial expressions most of the time

zaru soba is a samefood; good texture, taste that isn’t overpowering, just generally his go-to 

quite black and white thinking, either something is correct or it isn’t, struggles to see middle grounds or reconcile other people’s world views with his own

was told off for ‘fidgeting’ as a child, doesn’t really stim all that much now because of it 

has literally no clue when he’s being rude, just speaks whatever’s on his mind 

alexithyma, bad at identifying his own emotions and also doesn’t really care to do so, he just feels however he feels 

can be pretty literal, doesn’t like it when people talk in metaphors, he prefers if they just get straight to the point 

he’s not folding his arms because he’s mad it’s just a comfortable way to stand okay?? 

Asui Tsuyu: 

raptor hands, near-constant and casual stim

her ‘kero kero’s are a vocal stim, she likes to roll the Rs 

very very blunt, says exactly what she thinks and nothing less 

also a very black and white thinker, either it’s good or it’s bad, sees things in actions rather than intents

occasionally lets her tongue hang out, yet another stim 

doesn’t really recognise ‘Asui’ as her name because growing up her parents called her ‘Tsuyu’ of course, that’s why she prefers to be called by her given name 

refers to people as ‘-chan’ because she likes to show that she’d be happy to be friends with them 

also quite a flat voice, over enunciates when asking a question to compensate 

Iida Tenya: 

he’s not meaning to yell he’s just not very good at volume control!! 

very loud hands, grew up with a very supportive environment and was encouraged to stim however he pleased 

likes having rules in any given situation, they give him a model to base his actions off of and a code to fall back on if he’s unsure how to act 

also likes strict routines! if he knows what’s going to happen when it allows him to appropriately prepare for the day ahead 

picked up his vocal mannerisms from his rich family and rich pre-schoolmates from a young age, he’s not trying to sound snobbish it’s just how he talks 

has very little regard for a rule or policy he believes is unjust or useless and is fully willing to go against it 

the more excited he becomes the more he stims, he’s guilty of nearly smacking his classmates sometimes 

very very strong personal sense of justice and right and wrong, he understands that others may view things differently and is okay with that but he’s also lowkey judging them juuuuusssttt a lil bit

got aforementioned sense of justice from Tensei’s hero persona and the Iida family values 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

king of explodokills emotional disregulation   

his own angry out bursts seem fully reasonable to him but others view them as disproportionate to the situation at hand 

very narrow ideals of what ‘victory’ and ‘strength’ are, holds himself and others to unreasonable standards 

special interest in All Might but he’d never admit it 

also has no concept of volume control, but he doesn’t mind yelling all the time 

sure he doesn’t remember people’s names and quirks because he’s an asshole but he’s also just got prosopagnosia (face blindness) 

gives people nicknames based upon defining features so as to remember them; ‘shitty hair’, ‘round cheeks’, ‘raccoon eyes’, etc 

yet another black and white thinker! views most things in absolutes of ‘strong or weak, ‘hero or villain or civilian’, ‘useful or useless’, U.A has expanded his world view a lot 

the small explosions he makes is actually stimming, he likes the popping sound and the physical sensation 

tight clothes are sensory hell and that is a hill he’s willing to die on 

spicy food is the best physical sensation and he literally will not eat bland things its so bad

Hatsume Mei: 

obviously, a special interest in support item design/production 

ADHD as well, can topic-hop like nobody’s business 

thinks ‘outside the box’ in most cases, she doesn’t get why people don’t see thing the way she does (’if you can’t run with your legs why not run with your arms?’) 

incredibly goal oriented, only really acts in ways that serve her goals and sees lots of other things, such as taking breaks or bathing, as counter productive 

not great about social norms regarding physical space, if she needs someone’s measurements for an item she’ll just feel for herself

very ‘up and down’ vocal register, always loud but her intonation shifts a lot 

will info dump about support items to anyone who is or isn’t willing to listen, Power Loader and her classmates indulge her because they’re obviously interested in support items too and she can actually be quite educational if you manage to follow what she’s saying

fully aware that she’s the ‘weird girl’ stereotype and does not care! as long as the big companies are willing to buy her babies!! 

tends to hyperfocus on whatever her current project is and has to be reminded to eat and take bathroom breaks 

Aoyama Yuuga: 

moves his hands a lot in ‘flamboyant’ gestures, is really just stimming as he talks

struggles with holding conversations and making small talk 

limited diet due to his quirk and very adverse to a lot of textures, always eats his own food 

special interest in the French culture

isn’t good with social ques or ‘appropriate parameters’, fully does things intended as nice gestures and doesn’t realise it may come off as odd to others (i.e, leaving a cheese platter on Midoriya’s veranda in the middle of the night) 

cares a lot about his personal presentation and first impressions, he wants to clearly display how sparkly a person he is to others right from the get-go 

Yaoyorozu Momo:

special interest in tea, can tell you all about regional brewing methods and tea leaf grading 

much like Iida, she adopted a very formal manner of speech from her family and peers from a young age

is treated as the ‘autistic savant’ stereotype by many due to her natural intelligence and the complexity of her quirk, it doesn’t bother her per se but she would like it if her hard work got more credit 

mild dyspraxia, she struggles with depth perception and aim, particularly when she’s in high-stress situations

also with reconciling distance to objects, she genuinely didn’t think her bed would take up that much space in her dorm

tends to get lost in the details and patterns of things, isn’t to good at looking at ‘the big picture’ and appears to be slower at decision making because of it 

doesn’t register social cues, slang, pop-culture or similar things all that well, comes off as the ‘naive rich girl’ 

primarily stims by moving her hands around her face when overwhelmed or excited 

another thing she has in common with Iida is that she also values rules quite a lot, she feels as if they give her stable parameters to act within

[Autistic ppl please feel free to add on, allistics can totally rb but no clowning. b@kud3kus & endeavor/mitsuki/overhaul stans dni]

[boldly-ho]

Another Life - Chapter 2

Pairing: Vladislav x Reader

Fandom: What We Do in the Shadows

Word Count: 1318

Chapter Summary: You move in.

A/N: This is a short one, sorry. It doesn’t really fit in the next chapter, though, so I figured I’d post it as it’s own chapter. Cross-posted to AO3 under the same name.

You kicked the door shut behind you, grimacing as it slammed audibly. Whoops. Hopefully you hadn’t woken any of the guys. Too late to stress about it, now. You carried your last box up to your room, simultaneously relieved that they were finally all in there and disappointed that you now had to unpack them. It wasn’t as if you had an excess of possessions. In fact, you didn’t have that much; you couldn’t. Most of the places you’d lived weren’t blessed with an abundance of space. Still, though, you imagined it would take you a few hours to unpack. You debated for a moment only taking out the essentials, before stamping that disastrous idea down. If you didn’t unpack everything tonight, you wouldn’t do it for months.

Unpacking, of course, was a nightmare. It seemed even more tedious given that most of your boxes had only been packed this morning. The largest obstacle was probably the closet space, or lack thereof, more accurately. There was no closet at all, something you failed to notice on your tour of the house. Instead, there was a wardrobe against the wall. It was like the world’s most infuriating game of Tetris, ending with a pile of clothes and shoes guaranteed to fall on you when you next opened that door.

“Knock knock!” The words were accompanied by an actual knock on your door frame. Viago poked his head in.

You pulled open the door for him. “Hi, Viago. I didn’t wake you did I?”

“Not at all. I get up at six.”

“Is it already six?” You looked behind you at the window, only now realizing the sun had set. “I spent that whole time organizing the wardrobe. That’s disheartening.”

“Do you need some help?” he offered.

“That’s sweet, but no. I’m just complaining.”

“If you’re sure. Petyr is probably going to sleep in tonight, but Vladislav, Deacon, and I are going into town. Do you need anything?”

“No, thank you. I’m just going to power through the rest of these boxes and head to bed.”

“Alright then. We might not see you until tomorrow evening. We usually get home pretty late. We’ll keep the noise down.”

“Thanks.”

Viago left, and you heard the three talking downstairs as they made their way out the door.

You wondered if this was going to be the norm here. A handful of roommates you never saw. There were certainly worse living situations. You and Dawn had become close, but that was merely coincidence. You had never been the type of person who had to be best friends with her flatmates. Being the only diurnal person in the house had its perks. You’d only share five or six waking hours with your flatmates. It would be almost like having the house to yourself. You enjoyed your privacy. This might actually be nice.

~

All pictures saved to your phone in the last year were pretty generic. A few mirror selfies. Mostly at clubs. A few celebrity photos saved from the internet. Quite a few inanimate objects. Delicious looking meals. Trees and flowers at the park. The photo of the moon you had on your lockscreen. But there were no pictures of anyone else. There were no pictures of you with anyone else. And there were no pictures taken in the place you had been living. You had thousands of photos in your camera roll. But for some reason, you had only saved 46 pictures over the last year.

Furthermore, there were no new contacts in your phone. You’d gone through each number one by one. You had known all of these people a year ago.

You’d scoured social media. You hadn’t posted much this past year, and what you had posted did nothing to inform you of what you’d actually been up to. A thorough search online revealed that you had no friends named Vlad or Vladimir or anything similar. None of your friends had friends with that name.

What the hell?

~

God, you were an idiot.

You had severely underestimated how long it would take to finish unpacking. It was now almost two in the morning. You were parched. The last time you had anything to drink was before you left Dawn’s. You dragged yourself down the stairs and into the kitchen, rummaging through three cabinets before finding the glasses. The glass was filled three times from the tap before your thirst was sated. No longer feeling quite so dehydrated, you were able to focus on your ravenous stomach. Maybe you could steal a bit of food from your flatmates ? Just one time.

The refrigerator had quite a few decades on you. The moment you opened it, however, the outside of it seemed comparatively flawless. Not only was there no food, although, really, how could four grown men not have any food between them? But, the smell that came from the empty fridge was sickening. Almost like rotten meat. Though, it wasn’t entirely empty, you noticed. There was a single decanter of what looked liked red wine on the top shelf. You sighed and closed the door, making a mental note to buy a box of baking soda for the fridge when you went grocery shopping.

You rummaged through the cabinets, still intent on thievery, but found nothing aside from assorted china. You sighed in exasperation. Men. Of course they only ate takeout.

Well, when in Rome.

You took out your phone, looking up the nearest pizza joint open at this ungodly hour and ordering your go to. Estimated delivery in 45 minutes. Maybe you’d end up being as nocturnal as your flatmates after all. The burning behind your eyes and heaviness of your lids suggested otherwise.

You sat at the kitchen table, scrolling on your phone, waiting for your food to arrive…

“Did you order a pizza?”

You woke suddenly, whipping your head up, your forehead sore from where it had been resting against the table. “What?”

“There is a pizza. From on the doorstep.” The man standing in the kitchen spoke in a European accent. He had messy brown hair and was wearing clothes that seemed fairly outdated, including a black and red military jacket that had seen better days.

“Oh. Yeah, sorry. I must have fallen asleep. Good thing I tipped online, huh?” you offered jokingly.

He didn’t react. “The pizza is cold.” He set the box on the table in front of you.

“Yeah. I must’ve been asleep for a while.” You wiped your eyes, mildly embarrassed by the makeup that transferred to your fingers. “I’m Y/N. You must be, uh…” You felt dumb for beginning the sentence that way. You had no clue which flatmate he was supposed to be.

“I am Deacon.” Again, no smile. You were beginning to think this guy didn’t much care for you.

“Deacon. Hi. Nice to meet you.”

He nodded in response. That was something at least.

You opened the box and took a bite of the cool pizza. “Would you like some?” you asked, mouth full.

Deacon grimaced. “Uh, no, thank you.”

Whether he wasn’t a fan of the pizza or of your poor manners, you couldn’t tell. Possibly both. You shrugged, taking another bite. “So are the other guys back, too?”

“Yes. They are in bed. It’s almost sunrise.”

Oh, crap. You’d been asleep for a while then. You decided to migrate up to bed and try to salvage a few hours of restful shut eye. You shut the pizza box, shoving the entire thing into the smelly fridge.

“Thanks for bringing in the pizza for me,” you called to Deacon as he exited the kitchen.

He didn’t acknowledge your thanks, but did tersely remind you to remain quiet during the day.

Whelp. 25% of your new flatmates didn’t care for you, 25% were friendly towards you, and 50% may or may not actually exist. Not horrible statistics, all given.

[illthdar]

Happy STS from writingamongthecoloredroses! How much of your story was inspired by yourself/your life?

Thanks for the ask!

Absolutely. See, I moved to the UK from Minnesota seven years ago and I experienced a period of instability due to culture shock. At the time I was writing the first draft to Guardians of Las, I had been here... I think it was something like 3 years at that point - anyway, I had troubles for more than one reason, but a large part was that things were similar-but-not. Sometimes, I felt like I was living on a completely different planet.

It's a weird feeling, being the outsider. Things people take for granted as the norm, aren't to you and there was more than one occasion where I either missed the cue, or just didn't have a clue.

Illthdar was a way of expressing the feelings of otherness immigrants can experience by dropping the reader into a similar-but-not world where every bit of logic that we cling to, to rationalise our lives doesn't exist. The chaos is normal, and when something is normal it isn't questioned, and when we don't ask questions we fail to grasp the implications of reality. I want readers to come away from the Illthdar series really taking a hard look at their own lives and society and ask themselves if not questioning the normal is really safe.

[edifactory]

How Pandemic Isolation is Like Missionary Life

For the first time since we’ve been overseas, friends and family from the US are as desperate as I am to connect online. As I’ve been talking with people in the US, I’ve realized that there are actually a lot of things about the coronavirus isolation that mirror our missionary experience. Here are seven ways the pandemic isolation is like missionary life:

1.      Nothing Feels Normal

The first thing we noticed coming overseas (and every time since then) was that nothing had a rhythm to it. When everything is suddenly different there isn’t any pattern to fall back on. As schools and businesses have shut down in the US and families try to homeschool and work from home, so much is changing that there is no “normal” to fall back on. Every day takes intentionality because every day is a new situation, even though it’s the same situation as the day before. We’ve been told it takes about 18 months to fully transition into a new culture. With all the changes within the American home right now, it’s like a new culture! I’m sure no one wants to wait 18 months for life to feel normal again, but give yourself some grace! This kind of change is never easy and doesn’t happen quickly. It’s more likely for you to continue to feel out of joint than it is for you to feel settled. Expecting rhythm to come often leaves us discouraged.

2.      Home is the Primary Contact

In moving to a new country, initially those in your home are your primary (or only) source of contact. With the isolation brought on by this pandemic, the only people you can be physically close to are the people that are living under the same roof as you. The American culture isn’t usually this family focused. Americans often find a lot of connection outside of their family unit, but now the rules have changed. Not being able to get out and “go” is very counter-cultural. This isolation is redefining family time, hopefully in positive ways, but it’s hard too. Close quarters with family is different than close quarters with friends. Most of us chose our friends and find them pretty easy to get along with. 

Our family is not chosen and often contains personalities that are much better at shaping each other (as iron sharpens iron) than easily complementing each other.

These kinds of situations, however, can press us to be more self-reflective and force us to be more forgiving and gracious. These times can be where we see God at work in the toughest places. If the Gospel isn’t reaching into our own homes, we are missing something. That doesn’t mean we should expect Christ-like behavior in all circumstances. It’s just the opposite, actually. As we rub up against one another, we see places in ourselves where we haven’t been allowing the Gospel seed to grow. Maybe we see our own weaknesses and vulnerabilities in a new light. Maybe we surrender areas of our lives to Christ that we previously felt we were handling just fine on our own. Being forced to make your family your primary source of contact forces you to be either reflective or reactive. If you choose reactive only, you won’t last long. At some point you start saying, “Okay, look. We have to make this work so let’s talk about what needs to change.”

3.      Virtual Friends and Family

Thanks to technology, friends and family outside of the home can be “seen” online. This is a mixed blessing. It is so nice to see them, but it also punctuates the separation from them. It reminds you that they are not in your world, not truly accessible, not able to be hugged. It seems ironic, but sometimes seeing people online actually makes you more homesick. We enjoy it while it lasts, but once we hang up reality hits harder than ever. You are alone. They still love you but they are not here.  And with the current coronavirus situation, you don’t even really know when you’ll see them again.

4.      Learning New Cultural Norms

When you leave your home to get needed supplies, you must adopt new cultural norms. When we moved overseas we had to learn to walk (and drive) on the left instead of the right, something that I always do wrong again when I return to the U.S.! Staying six feet away from everyone else does not feel normal. It feels awkward and it requires constant thought. 

The rules have changed and you are forced to change with them. Learning to rewire habits is exhausting!

5.      Feeling Isolated

Besides the virtual connection to family and friends, life itself is isolated. When you are confined to your home it’s a lot like being in a new location. How do you decide what needs to be done? How do you balance time on media “connecting” with others to time doing work? How much do you work and how much do you create downtime with your family? How much do you allow your kids to disappear into media? How do you create structure through self-motivation? You’ve always had a list of “to do” items for the house. Are they priorities now or is time with family the priority since everyone feels so out of sorts? How do you balance those things?

Isolation isn’t a vacation for most of us. There are things to do. Figuring out how to handle the precious commodity of time is actually a task. 

And trying to help those in our care cope is equally daunting. Children process isolation differently than adults. They don’t have the same concept of time. Juggling your own cares while trying to support others is no easy task.

6.      Dining In

A change in country means a change in food. Often your favorite restaurants are nowhere to be found. We don’t have access to any restaurants in our overseas community which means making all of our meals every day. When we are home on furlough, eating out is one of our favorite things to do.

For those of us who haven’t had a lot of experience cooking, this new skill acquisition can create a lot of stress! We make pretty much everything from scratch here. I did not cook that way prior to coming so I had a lot to learn. After we’d been here for a few years, my daughter said to me, “Mom, where did you learn how to make such yummy pizza?” (It tastes different here because I make it all from scratch: the dough, the pizza sauce from fresh tomatoes, seasoning in the sausage, etc.) I answered her, “Here. I learned to make pizza here.” I truly would have no clue how to make pizza if we hadn’t come overseas. 

I didn’t have “cooking from scratch” on my bucket list but it’s something life has required. 

As you try new recipes during this isolation (maybe even just cooking consistently for the first time) and work with limited ingredients, you may be feeling that you “didn’t sign up for this.”

Losing access to dining at restaurants isn’t just about convenience. Restaurants also represent social connection and certain foods create a lot of comfort. Restaurants are also a part of the normal rhythm of life. Sometimes cooking dinner just feels like one more reminder of how much has changed.

7.      Insecurity and Fear

Our missionary journey has always carried a lot of unknowns in the area of security. Life in America is fairly stable. If you lose a job, you probably have unemployment. If you are sick you probably can go to a medical clinic. If you need food, you probably can go to a grocery store. We live in a remote location. Our income is based on the generous giving of supporters and often fluctuates. Our medical services are very limited compared to US standards. Our resources (food and supplies) are shipped in and often delayed. Life is very unpredictable. We often have to do without.

With the shutdown of so many businesses in the U.S., many are without jobs. I’m sure many of us are wondering how the economy will rebound, how unemployment can cover the millions who are without work. We don’t know how long grocery stores will stay open or if the items we need will even be on the shelves. We don’t know that there will be space at the hospital if we need services. Everything is very unsettling in the current situation.

Fear can dig its claws in deep when there are so many unknowns. Security is something we value as Americans. It has been taken from us. But maybe it was never really there to begin with. Maybe we were always vulnerable to this kind of a threat; we just didn’t know it.

Our hope has to be in the goodness and sovereignty of God. He is not surprised by all of this. He is still in control. If any of our fears become realities, it will be because He allowed it. He will be in it with us. We are not alone.

Although there are many ways that missionary life and coronavirus isolation are similar, there is one key way in which they are different: those of you in the U.S. did not choose this experience. 

You did not train for it. You did not plan or prepare for it. There is no sense of adventure in it. It was thrust upon you.

Knowing God moved us to our overseas location is a source of comfort. When we face difficult things, we know He is with us in them. The same is true for you. He has moved you to this place. You didn’t have to do anything. In fact, you didn’t even have a choice to make, but that doesn’t change the fact that this is where He has you now. At this time, at this place, you are where He wants you. And He is with you.  

The fact that you did not choose this experience, is perhaps what makes it so hard. When you choose to go to a different country you know things will be different. When your own world suddenly changes, loss and grief run deep. You had no time to plan or say good-bye. You simply had to accept reality as it was placed upon you. 

So much of our lives are really not in our control. We think we have control, that we make our own destiny, but this pandemic is reminding us just how vulnerable we truly are.

I am praying for those of you in the US, for the sudden changes, for the losses of security and contact with others. I am praying especially for those who are alone in their homes. May God’s presence be real. May God’s people find fellowship (even if only virtually). May we all learn to trust Him more as we see our own vulnerability.

May this be a time of counting what matters most, of reflecting on God’s Sovereignty. God is still in control. The vast majority of us will survive this pandemic. What is it that God will teach us through this? How will we grow closer to Him? Trust Him more? How will we support one another? How is God at work in your own life and in your family? Who in your life needs a virtual touch from you to keep going?  

We were made to live in community. I think we all feel that now more than ever.

-Cathy Lindley

[siriex]

Thoughts on Watcher

Fate/Strange Fake is a little like Apocrypha in that there are two sets of Servants; the “False” set and the “True” set. There are two Servants summoned into every class except for Saber (only one, who sort of belongs to both the False and True set, and neither set at all) and Lancer. Enkidu is summoned as the False Lancer, but an Extra-Class (?) Servant is summoned into the Lancer slot of the True Servants.

That Servant is Watcher.

This is the first (and so far only) appearance of a Watcher class Servant in Nasuverse, and we don’t have much detail about what exactly that means, or what this Servant is. We see something resembling Heroic Spirits that were summoned with it (referred to as “shadows”), but we have not seen Watcher itself.

So what is Watcher?

I’m going to write way too much about that under the cut. 

Spoilers for Fate/Strange Fake through Volume 4 and Fate/Grand Order through Lost Belt 4 under the cut. this is unedited and I am so sorry but it’s midnight and I’m tired

What We Know

Class Name

Let’s start from the name of the class. Your standard classes are Saber (wields swords), Lancer (wields some kind of pole-arm), Archer (uses projectiles), Caster (deals mostly in spells), Rider (Rides something), Assassin (stealthy), and Berserker (unhinged and violent).

There are always some really weird cases. Sabers are usually pretty intuitive. Archers can use guns (Billy), slingshots (David), lightening (Tesla)… Basically any long-range weapon. Lancers can be their own lance (Enkidu), Casters can be people who never used magic in life (Andersen), Riders can ‘ride’ human bodies (Medb and Pale Rider), Assassins can be people who were not exactly famous for their stealth (Stheno), and Berserkers can be perfectly sane (Beowulf).

But we can probably guess that Watcher is observing the war. Watcher’s shadows refer to it as a “lookout,” and say that it is observing the city, but this might only be tangentially related to Watcher’s identity. After all, EMIYA is an Archer, but he rarely ever uses his bow.

Watcher’s shadows claim that Watcher is not a traditional Extra Class, because it is replacing one of the Knight Classes- something that shouldn’t be possible for a traditional Extra Class. They claim that, if they had been summoned as a “proper” Extra Class, it would have been Gatekeeper. (Another class we haven’t seen in canon.) (It’s also worth noting that the Shadows admit that Francesca’s screwed with the Snowfield Grail War so much that maybe an Extra Class could manifest in place of one of the Knight Classes, and True Archer’s transformation into an Avenger might be evidence for this. But this wouldn’t be possible under the Fuyuki Grail War’s rules.)

So Watcher watches and… Gatekeeps, it seems. Or is at least related to those concepts.

Summoning

Watcher is summoned by Sigma without a catalyst. Sigma is a Master hired by Francesca to participate in the war. He has pretty much no personality, and no desires of his own. Francesca is particularly interested in him because he’s a bit of a blank slate. Normally, in the absence of a catalyst, the Grail picks a Servant that is compatible with the Master. Since there’s not much substance to Sigma’s character (yet), she’s curious to see what he summons.

And what he gets? Watcher.

Master-Servant Relationship

Watcher isn’t a normal Servant. After summoning, Sigma notices that he has not formed any spiritual connection to any Heroic Spirit. Watcher does not address Sigma, and Sigma does not see Watcher. While the latter is not unprecedented in Fate/Strange Fake (Faldeus does not notice that he successfully summoned his Servant until they write him a message due to their A+ Presence Concealment), the former is definitely outside of the norm. Sigma can feel that he is connected to something through his magical energy, but that something isn’t taking any of his magical energy.

Sigma is greeted by one of Watcher’s shadows instead.

The shadows tell Sigma that they hope he will “make it through” and “become Lancer.”

Abilities

Watcher can observe the city the war is taking place in, but it can only observe the present. Watcher can only observe a limited area, though it is not clear how large this area is. It seems to be observing Snowfield and the forest, but Tiné’s village is outside of its range.

One of the shadows says that Sigma can have dreams/aspirations “just like Watcher goes on observing reality.”  

Watcher cannot read minds.  

One of Watcher’s shadows heavily implies that Sigma could have access to all of the things that Watcher has observed if he knew how to use Watcher’s power.

Its shadows gain some knowledge from the Grail, but only knowledge of how the Fuyuki Grail War should go. They do not have knowledge of any abnormalities unique to Snowfield.

Trials

Watcher’s shadows also tell Sigma that Watcher is a lookout, and an “obstacle [he] must overcome to become Lancer while living.” This is (presumably) a reference to Watcher’s trials.

The shadows tell Sigma he will have to overcome unreasonable trials. As he overcomes them, he’ll become “somebody” as opposed to the “nobody” he currently is.

It seems like Sigma has some freedom to choose at least some of his trials. One of the shadows tells him that if he fights Saber, it will count as a trial.

The Captain tells Sigma to “keep struggling against God” and “never accept fate.” This is probably a reference to or advice for the trails, and it encourages Sigma to try to find a way to survive his first trial. 

Here is a current list of confirmed ‘Trials’ Sigma has faced:

Trial 1 – Sigma is confronted by No Name Assassin, who asks if he is fighting for the Holy Grail. He recognizes that, as a human against a Servant, if he answers any of her questions wrong, he’ll definitely die.

Shadows

Watcher’s shadows are spirits that only Sigma can see. No Name Assassin can’t see or hear them, even when they are directly in front of her. The shadows explain that they only exist in Sigma’s brain because of Watcher’s interference. It seems like they are some kind of side-effect of being connected to Watcher. They cannot interfere in the physical world.

They are summoned along with Watcher, but they are not Watcher themselves. One of them (The Winged Boy) describes himself as “an escaped prisoner.” It’s not clear if this applies to all of the shadows, or just him.

It seems like only one shadow can appear visually at a time, and many state that they will disappear soon. They are not Heroic spirits. Narita has said that, because they are not Heroic Spirits, they may appear and act differently from how they would as Servants.

The shadows say that it is their role to “be always looking down from a height,” and suggests that Sigma can call them “Watcher.” Later on, they also refer to the thing that Sigma summoned as “Watcher,” while differentiating themselves from it. I’m using “Watcher” to refer to the thing Sigma summoned as opposed to the shadows because it is a bit easier, and it’s more consistent with the language used to refer to the shadows and the thing Sigma summoned later in the books. It seems like the shadows are actually speaking on Watcher’s behalf when they tell Sigma to call them that.

The shadows give Sigma advice and help him in battle by warning him of incoming attacks. These warnings are educated guesses based on the battles Watcher has observed in the Snowfield Grail War. The shadows cannot warn Sigma of attacks they have not seen used before.

They say that they will not communicate with Sigma unless he addresses them first unless there is something dangerous. (Demonstrably false, as the Captain comments on something Sigma is writing for his own reference.)

Here I’m compiling a list of known shadows, and their probable identities.

“The Captain” –Captain Ahab - An old man with grey hair, a scar on his face, and the aura of a marine. Has an artificial leg. The most talkative of the shadows, and the first Sigma talks to. Dressed relatively modern. Claims he would have been summoned as an Avenger, as opposed to a Rider.

“The Winged Boy” – Icarus – A boy with skeletal, mechanical wings made of feathers and wax on his back. Dressed like someone from the “Age of Myths.”

“The Boy with the Snake” – Asclepius – A young teenage boy with a white robe. He has a staff with a snake coiled around it. Claims to look younger than he is because he “used Medusa’s in a clinical study.”

“Frivolous Shadow” – Unknown – Speaks fairly crassly. Similar to Dumas. Says he’d have tried to materialize as a Heroic Spirit if Sigma had been a cute girl.

“Old Japanese Man” – Unknown – An old man dressed in an outfit that “reminded Sigma of a Japanese temple.” That said, Sigma’s cultural knowledge is really lopsided, so who knows if that means anything.

“The Knight” – Unknown – Seems familiar with the story of King Arthur.

“Muscular Shadow” – Unknown – Large and muscular. May be the Frivolous shadow. Teases Sigma, asking if he has a crush on No Name Assassin.

Other Servants’ Reactions

Enkidu senses Watcher when it is summoned but does not recognize them as a Servant or a Heroic Spirit. In response to Watcher’s summoning, they act apologetic and wonder if they’ve “angered them a little.” “Them” seems to refer to Watcher.

The morning after Watcher is summoned, Dumas has a “weird feeling that [he’s] being watched,” but can’t locate the source.

Speculation

Who/What is Watcher?

I think the most important clues here are the identities of the shadows, Watcher’s alternate class as Gatekeeper, and Sigma’s trials.

There are three shadows with pretty obvious identities. The captain is almost certainly Captain Ahab. (Captain, fairly modern clothes, a white prosthetic leg, white hair, a scar on his face, Avenger as a possible class). The boy with the snake is pretty much confirmed to be Asclepius after Narita’s tweet about Asclepius in LB4 (A staff with a snake around it, references to Medusa, clothing from the Age of Myth). The boy with the wings is seriously obviously Icarus. (Mechanical wings with melted wax? Check. White robes? Check.)

So what do all three of these characters have in common? Hubris. They all try to overcome a force much greater than them and fail/are punished for it. The hubris I’m talking here is close to the hubris we see in Greek tragedies, but I’m not sure if there necessarily needs to be a god involved. It can just be generally trying to defy the natural order of things.

Captain Ahab tried to challenge nature itself by trying to kill Moby Dick. In the text, there are references to Moby Dick as a god. He was eventually killed by Moby Dick when he gets tangled in his own harpoon line, and Moby Dick drags him down into the ocean and he drowns.

Asclepius became such a damn good doctor that he was able to bring the dead back to life, and Zeus kills him for it.

Icarus tries to escape from Crete with his father, using wings made of wax and feathers. His father warns him not to fly too close to the sun or the sea (basically don’t be overconfident and/or commit hubris), but Icarus flies too close to the sun anyway. The wax in his wings melts, and he falls into the sea and drowns.

Basically, they all tried to defy nature and/or the gods and were killed for it.

But the thing is, Watcher gives people trials. It is giving Sigma trials, and if Sigma passes these trials, he can “become Lancer,” and the more he passes the stronger he becomes. I think this has to do with Watcher’s other class: Gatekeeper. Watcher is a Gatekeeper. It gives trials to people. If they pass them, they surpass humanity while they’re still alive (Sigma becoming a Servant). If they fail them, well, they probably die. (Though they may still be elevated above humanity after they die. For example, Asclepius.)

So it seems that that’s what Watcher is, but it still doesn’t tell us their identity.

What is Watcher’s True Name?

Honestly? I don’t have an answer for you. Eurystheus gave Heracles his Twelve Labors, but I’m not sure he fits the bill. The Greek Gods in general doled out a lot of punishments for hubris, but also rewarded some of the people they punished after they died (for example, Asclepius). Not to mention that gods normally can’t be summoned as Heroic Spirits. (Though it’s still not clear if Watcher is a Heroic Spirit.)

It could also be Hybris (a Greek goddess associated with hubris), but that also doesn’t seem likely. She’s a goddess, though some texts refer to her as more of a spirit.

It could also be the Fates. That seems a bit more likely; they have the power to override the gods’ decisions, so if a human committed hubris while doing their trials, but passed the trial, they could probably stop the punishment. They’re associated with fate and destiny, and they have more say than the gods about what a mortal has or has not earned the right to do. They have a lot of equivalent mythological figures in other cultures as well.

Maybe Watcher is more of a force than a living thing (or things). We have Pale Rider (Pestilence) and Nursery Rhyme (the concept of nursery rhymes). Maybe Watcher is a system, anthropomorphic personification, or concept.

Maybe the answer’s obvious with all this evidence, but I can’t think of it.

Petite_hob on Twitter suggested Raguel. She sent me this:

 According to Wikipedia, ”Raguel is one of the seven angels whose role is to watch. His ... function is to take vengeance on the world of the luminaries who have transgressed God's laws.”

That may fit as well, though it wouldn’t necessarily explain the trials. 

What are Watcher’s shadows?

Watcher’s shadows are probably people who’ve taken its trials and failed. This doesn’t necessarily disqualify them from becoming Heroic Spirits (we know that Asclepius is one), but they’re probably not as strong as they would be if they passed the trials.

I’m guessing that one of the reasons the shadows look and act differently than they would as Heroic Spirits is two-fold:

1.      They’re not summoned in their prime like a Heroic Spirit; they’re summoned at around the time they failed the trials/died. (Hence, Icarus having melted wax on his wings, Ahab being old, etc.) So why does Asclepius look younger than he does as a Heroic Spirit? Look no further than that experimentation with Medusa’s blood. He outright says that he looks a lot younger than he is because of it. It could be that rather than preventing him from aging, it actually de-aged him.

2.      They’re not corrupted by their legends/they’re the real deal. Heroic Spirits’ manifestation is affected by legends about them, and things they did in life. How they look as Heroic Spirits and Servants doesn’t necessarily reflect how they looked while alive. (In FSF we see how different Dumas looks as a Servant than as a living human.) Servants are also summoned as only one ‘aspect’ of a Heroic Spirit. Sometimes this doesn’t change a Servant’s personality or appearance much (Saber’s alternate classes), but sometimes the same Servant can look and act wildly different depending on the aspect of them that is summoned, even if they’re summoned into the main class (Vlad III).

Of course, this is all speculation.

Narita says that the difference between Asclepius in LB4 and in FSF is similar to the difference between Apocrypha Jack and FSF Jack. Apocrypha Jack is… Jack, while FSF Jack is the legend of Jack the Ripper- not the actual individual who committed the crimes. It’s not really clear which direction the relationship between Watcher’s shadows and the original Heroic Spirits goes. Which one’s the legend and which one’s the historical figure? Was Narita referring to the person/legend dichotomy or did he mean that it’s something else similar to that? Who knows? I sure don’t.

Who else has in the Nasuverse encountered Watcher? [Wild speculation]

This section is more for my own amusement than anything else. I figure that many other people in Nasuverse have encountered Watcher, and I have a few reasonable guesses about who they might be.

I’ll separate this list out by how I think they did in Watcher’s trials. If you have suggestions, I’m open!

Passed

1.      Heracles - His labors were probably his trials. Ascended to godhood as he was dying (but still, before he died).  

2.      Gilgamesh – Defied the gods repeatedly, killed Humbaba (chose his own trial?), killed Gugalanna. Went on a quest for immortality and accepted his own mortality, overcoming his greatest fear. Fighting and befriending Enkidu may have been a trial as well. Stopped being a tyrant, became a great king.

Failed

1.      Prometheus – Brought fire to humanity. Got his guts eaten by eagles forever after as punishment.

2.      Enkidu – Enkidu recognizes Watcher’s presence, and wonders if they’ve angered them. Basically, they seem familiar with Watcher. This might be through their connection to Gilgamesh, or it might be because they underwent Watcher’s trials themself. In CCC they talk about how forcing Gilgamesh to acknowledge them as an equal is basically hubris. They also defied the gods by rebelling against their purpose and killing two of the gods’ creations: Humbaba and Gugalanna. (Not to mention their feud with Ishtar.) The gods killed them as punishment for killing Gugalanna.

3.      Arachne – Claimed to be better than the gods at weaving. Got into a contest with Athena, lost, and was turned into a spider.

4.      Dr. Frankenstein – Decided to create life. His life ends up getting destroyed because of it.  

[hazzabeeforlou]

11 questions

Yes I did this a bit ago but @helloamhere (thank you, ily, have fun bussing around Europe, did that once, had to follow apple maps to know where to get off ‘cause I speak ZERO German...) tagged me and I’m an anxious mess waiting for medical news today so WHY NOT! 

Rules: answer 11 questions then pose 11 of your own. 

1. What do you think fanfic does better than published fiction (if anything?) 

Okay obvious answer and not very high brow, but SMUT. You will not see me perusing the gay aisles of Barnes and Noble romance novels :) For various reasons :) 

2. What do you think it does worse

I think (maybe it’s just this fandom) overall it’s quite a bit more sanitary than novels, both in morality and subject matter. I hate to think what the purity police would say about some of the books I’ve read... especially the old ones? But then I usually come here looking for fluff and happiness too so perhaps that’s just the major draw of fanfic, idk. 

3. What’s something another fandom has or does that you wish your fandom had or did?

To be honest I’m not well versed in other fandoms, but I’m going to go with I wish this fandom didn’t have constant infighting. Seriously in all my born days I have never seen a group of people claim such a similar goal and yet devour each other so viciously. Hence I usually avoid anything incredibly explosive or triggering here; I deal with and confront radical people (religious extremists, right wing extremists) in my everyday life and I cannot bring myself to turn my escapism into that same vortex of endless arguing, though I appreciate and support those who fight the fight. I often have very sharp opinions and fall to one side or the other of the fault line, but I draw a personal boundary at a point. 

4. Do you consider yourself a “fandom” type of person in general, or committed to only one, and if so, tell me more about what this means to you.

I have been a HUGE fandom person my entire life, though this is the first time I’ve ever been in a community for it. Star Wars and Narnia consumed most of my adolescence, along with Lord of the Rings. I briefly dabbled in Dr. Who and Merlin (as one does) but because I didn't read HP until nearly the end of college, I kindof missed out on that one. Basically anything geeky or fantasy driven I have always loved, and I can’t really explain how I ended up here? But this is the only fandom I’m active in socially. The power of HL I guess... 

5. I’m trying to get through writing a first draft right now and it’s a slog. How do you stay motivated for long projects, writing or otherwise? 

Ah. A call out question! Like any good Aries, I love starting new things! And then letting them to languish unfinished. I have, however, trained in classical music, and thus I’ve programmed myself to just keep doing the thing because pieces take months and months and months to perfect and if you can’t stick with a project, you go nowhere. I also operate on a reward system, as in writing is the reward for practicing, then when I’m sick of words I go back to music, and so the turn tables. I have learned to ignore (I’m great at ostrich-ing) the crushing self doubt of creativity and just bulldoze ahead and do the thing, which results in very messy first drafts and often bad habits in my musical technique and a tendency to overplay, which wastes energy, but rehearsals wait for no one. I also thrive on last minute deadlines! 

6. Tell me about what you read as a kid. Favorite book? Or if you weren’t into reading then, favorite TV show, etc? 

I HAVE SO MANY. Narnia was my first love. I also adored George MacDonald (At The Back of the North Wind is a fucking masterpiece). My mom hardly let me read Redwall (see: hints of magic) but when she caved I devoured all of those. Anne of Green Gables. American Girl stuff (lots of it, yes Josefina and Kaya were my faves). I read far too many Star Wars expanded universe novels (New Jedi Order  shaped me as a person, esp Traitor). I remember reading all the Eragon series, though these were dubiously approved... and I read various classics, as one is supposed to. In high school I printed out the entire Beowulf in Old English, got a CD of a dude reading it, and proceeded to memorize the first several lines. I can still recite Anglo Saxon but I have no clue what it means (see: I’m a good mimic). Everything non-Christian-magic-related I read during or after college, sigh. 

7. Have your tastes changed?

This sounds bad but not really. I rarely read non fiction, oops. Biographies are a slog for me. I dislike historical fiction and I don’t have a good reason for that. I do love a good mystery, but usually not in book form (audio or visual Agatha Christie is my mana). I do adore socio-policial books, though (The Better Angels of our Nature a good example) or books doing a deep dive into a historical topic. These days I enjoy a good satire more than much else, and since I started on Terry Pratchett in 2016 I haven’t looked back. 

8. I’ll steal your question above--tell me about a fic that changed you, or became a “touchstone” fic that you go back to!!

I didn’t read fics period when I entered the fandom, and stubbornly maintained that for a while, but the fic that changed my mind was (Take Me Home) Country Roads by @a-writerwrites (Awriterwrites). I read it during a drive through the very parts of the USA it’s set in, and I couldn’t put it down, spotty internet be damned. From there @horsegirlharry birthed me into the gay 1D world, though I can’t for the life of me remember which of hers I first read! (Does it matter? They’re all so beautiful...) 

9. Tell me about a WIP, if applicable. How’s it going?? It sounds great. 

I’m plodding along on The Garden, it’s going well, but urgency isn’t a priority. It’s going to be one of those things that I finish and then go in and make matter because right now my ideas are half formed and I know I’ll eventually know where I’m going but it’s a case of blind trust in instinct at this point! 

10. What’s your favorite place to read and sitting position?

Like a true gay I cannot sit normally in a chair, coupled with my pain issues means I’m usually draped over the back of something with a cushy lumbar support, massive pillow, or propped sideways lying down. I love reading outside, but have a tendency to attract bugs, also I’m very light sensitive so my eyes hate the sun, especially if I’m reading from a screen. 

11. Do you feel like fic reading and writing is social for you? E.g. do you share with friends (in or outside of fandom), or are you a lone wolf seeking out your fics in the dead of night??

I LOVE the social aspect of fic reading and writing within fandom! I have shared PITS with only two real life friends though; I am very tight lipped about the fact that I write fic. People are cruel and musicians are judgmental arseholes and if I prefer to spend my days dreaming up love stories for my OTP instead of pouring over scores, that’s my fucking business. 

Alright, 11 from me (I wanted to include artists too so!!): 

1. Are you a start small-work larger type creator, or map everything out then attend to detail?

2. What style of art/writing has most influenced your creative choices? (Genre, time period, muse)

3. How long have you been writing/arting? Is this something you knew you’d do your whole life?

4. What is your favorite thing about creating for your fandom? (reception, excitement, newness, etc.) 

5. Have you met any recent creative goals that you’re really proud of? 

6. What is your creative baby; what work do you want stamped on your proverbial gravestone as I MADE THIS (or have you made it yet?)

7. Do outside forces (politics, culture, hegemonies) play into your creations? Do you intentionally or subconsciously subvert norms or explore ideas?

8. Your creative mind is a garden. Describe what kind it would be and what it would contain (i.e. rock garden, palace garden, wildflowers, rose... etc.) 

9. Do you believe that creative art has power and if so, how do you hope yours impacts others? 

10. I’m double stealing this question: what’s a fic or fan art that changed your life or was a touchstone for you?

11. If you could pick any hero of yours to read/look at your creations, who would it be and why?

TOTALLY only if you want to, but @13ways-of-looking @twopoppies @alienfuckeronmain @prettytruthsandlies @pattern-pals @newleafover @disgruntledkittenface @lesbianiconharrystyles @lululawrence