#the christiansen mess

[scare-ard--sleigh]

okay so i thought it would be interesting to compile what we know about the dads' (and mary's) interpersonal relationships based on canon happenings. template by @markmaker36 (thank you sooooo much for this omg) soooo here's the key, feel free to ask for any clarification;;;

House: canonically grew up in maple bay (also they hang out once a week) Spade: there is some Complex Shit going on Red heart: BESTIES Pink heart: knows each other Well Green heart: hangs out once a week (by the end) Blue heart: hangs out more than once a week Yellow heart: canonically doesn't know each other very well

i want to update this once i've redone a few routes/dates, and possibly even again once i read the comic book, but i thought this would be interesting info all the same (and if anyone has anything to add that isn't just from comics, i'm super super happy to update! i wanna try comics on my own first <3)

[musewrangler]

As someone who is currently a 19 year old boy, I hereby give Anakin a pass for all the cringy stuff he said to Padmé in aotc. Reasoning: we're idiots, to put it frankly. Still got some leftover puberty hormones going around, messing stuff up, no brain-to-mouth filter, barely an idea even of what flirting is, and seeing a really pretty girl? Yeah, my brain would be absolutely fried as well. Only difference between Anakin and I is Anakin doesn't know when to shut up and I don't know when to talk. Honestly George wrote his dialogue incredibly realistically, because if I had grown up a slave on a desert planet for 9 years I'd hate sand too!

Aha, I really loved hearing your perspective here! With all due respect to teenage boys [I teach high school and enjoy them immensely] you are spot on. xD

I think with a bit of directorial tweaking, that this scene could have been far more comedic in all the right ways. I think allowing us to see Anakin be awkward and gawky, but charming as well and aware that he just said something lame to the girl he likes would have gone a LONG ways for the audience. Just a shot of his reaction, you know, that face of ---oh crap, that was not what I wanted to say---would have been gold. I think they played it too seriously. Because I think Natalie Portman and Hayden Christiansen are both good actors and there was so much that COULD have been done by them in this movie to make it hurt even more by the end of the trilogy.

So all this to say, I agree with you and think they totally should have leaned into your take here.

Thanks for your thoughts! Good to hear from you!

[most-datable-undatable]

Your Match-Ups!

Because I am a complete mess of a person, I forgot to put a few on my original list, so good news for the person who suggested Wizard from Stardew Valley a bit late: Because of my stupidity, he is now on the bracket!

We have a total of 104 contestants! This will be a standard single-elimination tournament. Match-ups were completely randomized, although for the first round I did not allow match-ups between two characters from the same franchise.

Voting will begin tomorrow morning at 9am PST. I will post one poll every ten or so minutes. I will do 26 tomorrow and 26 on Tuesday. Be sure to follow so you don't miss out on a vote for your favorite!

Without further ado: Your Most Datable Undatable Character Round 1 Match-Ups!

Day One

Kai (Harvest Moon: Back to Nature)/Hytham (AC: Valhalla)

Aphrodite (Stray Gods)/Robin (Stardew Valley)

Cole (Dragon Age: Inquisition)/Dame Aylin (Baldur’s Gate 3)

Sten (Dragon Age: Origins)/Helena Blake (Mass Effect)

Kent Connolly (Fallout 4)/Asterius (Hades)

Serana (Skyrim)/Bo Calloway (Scarlet Hollow)

Perry (Harvest Moon: Animal Parade)/Cliff Holden (Our Life: Beginning & Always)

EDI (Mass Effect 2 and 3)/Soma Jarlskona (Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla)

Kasumi Goto (Mass Effect 2)/Shandra Jerro (Neverwinter Nights 2)

Mel (Fallout 4)/Neeshka (Neverwinter Nights 2)

Vivienne de Fer (Dragon Age: Inquisition)/Pasqal Haneumann (Rogue Trader)

Carlos (Rune Factory 4)/Hypnos (Hades)

Scout Lace Harding (Dragon Age: Inquisition)/Bishop (Neverwinter Nights 2)

Deacon (Fallout 4)/Theseus (Hades)

Virgil (Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura)/Avitus Rix (Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Nathaniel Howe (Dragon Age: Awakening/Dragon Age 2)/Wynert (Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate)

Quinn (Dream Daddy)/Karliah (Skyrim)

Nick Valentine (Fallout 4)/Nakmor Drack (Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Dagna (Dragon Age: Inquisition)/Terry (Rune Factory 5)

Rolan (Baldur’s Gate 3)/Talos Drellik (Star Wars: The Old Republic)

Shiala (Mass Effect)/Jodi (Stardew Valley)

Tiran Kandros (Mass Effect: Andromeda)/Trickster (Hooked on You)

Arthur Maxson (Fallout 4)/Brassidas (Assassin’s Creed: Odyssey)

Brynjolf (Skyrim)/Briala (Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Mary Christiansen (Dream Daddy)/Chaos (Hades)

Olgierd von Everestu (The Witcher 3)/Wizard (Stardew Valley)

Day Two

Frea (Skyrim)/Rose of Sharon Cassidy (Fallout: New Vegas)

Legion (Mass Effect 2 and 3)/Yuthura Ban (Knights of the Old Republic)

Qyzen Fess (Knights of the Old Republic)/Dammon (Baldur’s Gate 3)

Isobel Thorm (Baldur’s Gate 3)/Athena (Stray Gods)

Sandy (Stardew Valley)/Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII)

Kaelyn the Dove (Neverwinter Nights 2)/Medusa (Stray Gods)

Bao Dur (Knights of the Old Republic)/Evfra (Mass Effect: Andromeda)

Arcade Gannon (Fallout: New Vegas)/Jeremus (Mount and Blade: Warband)

Nyreen Kandros (Mass Effect)/Shale (Dragon Age: Origins)

Urdnot Wrex (Mass Effect Series)/Marnie (Stardew Valley)

Talvas Fathryon (Skyrim)/Nihlus Kryik (Mass Effect)

Cremisius “Krem” Aclassi (Dragon Age: Inquisition)/Gatekeeper (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)

Keldorn (Baldur’s Gate 2)/Lin Fa (Rune Factory 4)

Johnny Silverhand (Cyberpunk 2077)/Veronica Santangelo (Fallout: New Vegas)

Tarquin Victus (Mass Effect 3)/Aveline (Dragon Age 2)

Judith (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)/Varric Tethras (Dragon Age 2/Dragon Age: Inquisition)

Evelyn (Rune Factory 3)/Sagacious Zu (Jade Empire)

Jarun Tann (Mass Effect: Andromeda)/J’Zargo (Skyrim)

Joker (Mass Effect Series)/Vault Tec Rep (Fallout 4)

Eder (Pillars of Eternity 2)/Iorveth (The Witcher 2)

Atris (Knights of the Old Republic 2)/Vernon Roche (The Witcher 2)

Kharjo (Skyrim)/Lambert (The Witcher 3)

Mordin Solus (Mass Effect 2 and 3)/Eskiel (The Witcher 3)

Raphael (Baldur’s Gate 3)/Takemura (Cyberpunk 2077)

Craig Boone (Fallout: New Vegas)/Canderous Ordo (Knights of the Old Republic)

Mira (Knights of the Old Republic 2)/Wistful Deviless (Sunless Sea)

[nancydrewwouldnever]

I had the biggest crush on Josh Hartnett when I was younger. It was right after Pearl Harbor came out. I marathoned most of his work back then. But then he just kinda faded and I lost interest. I would love for him to have a grand comeback as well ala Hayden Christiansen (sp). He seems like a really solid guy. He has never been in any mess or scandal or controversy as far as I know.

Also unrelated but I was looking him up the other day after the Oppenheimer London premiere, and found out that his wife and I have the same birthday lol. Different year, of course.

I did not know this, but apparently he lost out both The Prestige and possibly Batman to Christian Bale:

(If you haven't seen The Prestige, please do. It's really good.)

Also, I had no idea Josh is 6'3". Damn.

[stylecouncil]

that article kind of a mess because it starts off calling him a non writing member (?????) and then immediately talks about him writing lyrics so what are you on about + focuses too heavily on speculation about his death BUT I’m here for the lesbian helena christiansen bit etc

[cattatonically]

P.S. I Spook You - S.E. Harmon (The Spectral Files, book 1)

Synopsis

SSA Rain Christiansen used to be the agency’s golden boy. It just takes one moment of weakness, one slight, tiny, itty-bitty paranormal sighting, and all of a sudden he’s the agency’s embarrassment. His boss gives him one last chance to redeem himself—go down to Brickell Bay, play nice with the local police, and leave the ghost sightings behind. Rain is determined to do exactly that, even if it kills him.

Cold-case detective Daniel McKenna’s latest investigation is going nowhere fast. Five years earlier, high school student Amy Greene went missing after leaving her part-time job and was never seen again. Daniel is glad to finally have the FBI help that his department requested, even if it does come in the form of his ex.

It doesn’t help that Rain is pretty sure he’s falling in love with Danny all over again—if he ever stopped. Add to that the frustration of seeing ghosts at every turn while he works a case that’s stalled in its tracks, and Rain is starting to wonder if second chances and happy endings are just for fairy tales.

My Thoughts Rain Christiansen is an FBI profiler who can see ghosts. He really, really doesn’t want to be able to see ghosts. But the ghosts seem to have chosen him, much to his frustration.

With his career a mess, Rain heads back to his hometown for a case – and to prove to his boss that he’s fit for active duty. But his hometown holds a challenge of its own in the form of his cold case detective ex-boyfriend, Danny McKenna.

The sparks between the two fly from the start, despite some awkward tension and a shit load of baggage they’re both carrying with them. Communication isn’t exactly their strong suit. They’ve both build walls around themselves – and their hearts – that’s made honesty, trust, and communication stiffled and difficult. And the years of separation since their breakup hasn’t helped.

But Rain needs support. He needs to solve this case, and prove he has a handle on himself – the ghosts be damned.

But the ghosts have other ideas. They won’t stay silent. They see Rain for what he is – a medium – and they want his help. And they’re going to get it in any way they can.

It takes time for Rain to come to terms with his ability. Time, and a few incidents that are very difficult to explain to others. But once Rain sets his mind to something, he’s determined to accomplish his goals. That includes helping the ghosts who won’t leave him alone, and getting back together with Danny.

As an intro to a series, this one ticked all my boxes. We had some romance, a lot of sass, some mystery, and some very persistent ghosts. I’m still not quite sold on Danny and Rain being a solid couple. But I suppose we’ll see how the rest of the series plays out.

[rabbitcruiser]

(Inter)National Lego Day 

Construct creative builds with this beloved, versatile toy, enjoy the hilarious LEGO Movie or visit a LEGOLAND theme park with your family.

Lego – have you played with it? These little plastic colored bricks have been sparking creativity and joy in both children and adults of all ages for almost 70 years! Small but mighty, Lego bricks inspire creativity, and thanks to their ingenious design, they can be used to make virtually anything you can imagine, from cars to dinosaurs, houses to aliens – if you can dream it, it can probably be built out of Lego.

As such a versatile toy that appeals to all ages of people, it’s not surprising that Lego is now recognized as the World’s Most Powerful Brand, towering over Google, Nike, and Ferrari to claim the top spot in 2017, but as with most gigantic companies, Lego started from humble origins and International Lego Day marks the very beginning.

History of Lego

International Lego Day is held on the very same day that Danish carpenter, Godtfred Kirk Christiansen, first submitted his patent for the original Lego brick in 1958. Like no other brick that had come before this toy brick would have a sophisticated interlocking brick system, making it strong, versatile, and less likely to fall apart when simply knocked over.

Not one to mess around, Godtfred made sure not only to patent the design for his single Lego brick, but also to patent the concept of multiple bricks being used together in a building system, and this protected his design from being ripped off by competitors. Although this day is often seen as the birthplace of Lego as we know it, the company itself was in fact founded by Godtfred in 1932, creating a variety of wooden toys, and taking the name Lego from the Danish words “LEg GOdt” which translate to “play well”.

Ahead of their time, Lego was one of the very first toy manufacturing companies to buy an injection mold machine with which to create plastic toys, a move which shortly led them to create the very first plastic Lego brick in 1949. In the 17 years from 1949 to 1966, Lego grew exponentially into a global company that was retailing in 42 countries. They now boasted a product range that now contained 57 Lego sets and 25 Lego vehicles and with factories that were producing more than 706 million Lego elements each year – but the company didn’t stop growing.

In 1967 the LEGOLAND Band was established and in 1968, the very first LEGOLAND opened its doors to the public, attracting more than 625,000 visitors in its first season. Today there are 9 LEGOLANDS across Europe, Asia and the US, with a further three due to open in the next few years.

Nowadays Lego is a truly global enterprise, its strong brand identity, and still unique simplistic design, keeps it a favorite amongst children, while its history and versatility make it even more collectible to adults.

International Lego Day Timeline

1932 LEGO founder starts a woodworking shop in Denmark

In a small woodworking shop in Billund, Ole Kirk Christiansen makes all types of furniture and household items. But his favorite creations are toys for his sons, so he eventually names his company LEGO–a combination of two Danish words meaning “play well”.

1946-1949 Plastic bricks are first sold by the LEGO company

A wood shortage following WWII makes manufacturers look for alternative ways to create products. Christiansen gets his hands on the first plastic-injection molding machine in Denmark and starts selling the Automatic Binding Brick, the predecessor to today’s stackable blocks.

January 28, 1958 LEGO patent application is submitted

With Christainsen’s son, Godtfred, at the helm, the company submits their patent application for the tubes and studs that would add stability and connectivity to the plastic blocks. This anniversary coincides with International LEGO Day each year.

1976 LEGO minifigures are introduced

Realizing that the sets might be more fun if a human dimension was added, the company releases the iconic yellow-faced humanoid bricks.

2014 LEGO feature film is released

When watching his son play with LEGOs, a Hollywood producer gets the idea to make an animated movie. It is a huge hit and grosses more than $450 million, with more films coming in the following years.

10 super-fun facts about Lego

In 2016 LandRover set the World Record for the largest piece of Lego construction with their huge 43-foot-high replica of Tower Bridge. This monumental structure used 5,805,846 individual pieces of Lego which would have stretched all the way to Paris in France if laid out end to end.

If Lego Minifigures were to be classed as a population, they’d be the largest population in the world! With more than 4 billion of them in total.

There are so many Lego bricks in the world, that it’s estimated that they outnumber people 80 to 1.

Despite the first Lego brick having been made in 1958, you could still interlock one with a Lego brick-built today – the design hasn’t changed a bit!

In 2009, James May created a house entirely out of Lego! The house took more than 3.3 million bricks to make and even had a working toilet, a bed, and a shower!

Lego is now so popular that 7 sets are sold every second.

Although Lego is played by both girls and boys, women and men, they still have a bit of a way to go before they reach gender equality with roughly 86% of their Lego Minifigures being male.

If you were to collect all the Lego bricks in the world and stack them together then they would be 2,386,065 miles tall!

Although Lego makes toys they are also classed as the world’s biggest tire manufacturer, making over 400 million tires each year to keep their fleet of various lego vehicles rolling.

Although Lego was the first to patent the Lego brick that we know today, they didn’t technically invent them. The story has it that the salesman who came to sell Godtfred his first plastic injection mold machine was carrying an example interlocking brick in his pocket which had been designed and patented by Hilary Fisher Page. Godtfred improved on the design by perforating the brick and adding tubes on the bottom to help tighten the connection.

How to celebrate International Lego Day

Whether you’re five or sixty-five, you’re never too old to celebrate International Lego Day. Here are a few things that you could do to celebrate the day:

Play with Lego! Perhaps the most obvious thing to do on International Lego Day is to play with Lego of course! Grab your old lego set, or buy one especially for the day and sit down for a few hours of relaxing and creative fun. If you now have children yourself then make a sculpture together and take a moment to remember how many generations have grown up with Lego by their side.

Watch the Lego Movie! Lego has become so iconic that it even has its own movie dedicated to it. In fact, there are now two! Fun for all the family, cozy up on the sofa with some popcorn and watch as Lego figures come to life in stunning animation.

Visit LEGOLAND. And finally, for perhaps the most immersive Lego experience, pack your bags and take a trip to one of the many LEGOLAND theme parks. Be wowed by the impressive Lego structures and ride the exhilarating roller coasters for a day you’ll never forget.

Source

[mintchocolateships]

2, 3, 5 and 8 from the domestic ask w ur choice??

Hello cricket 😊🤍 I’m going to write about joseph bc whenever I see you I get in a ddadds mood sdlkdsjfd

If someone tells you two that you make a cute couple, how do you both respond?

I’m going to be honest, stuff like that really Does Not Happen with us, so it’s hard to say how we would respond. I think the town is still shocked about the whole christian youth pastor getting divorced and IMMEDIATLEY dating someone else thing, so no one is really going to compliment us like that lmao.

Who is more likely to take care of the household chores? Who's more likely to cook for the other?

Joseph and I try to do an equal amount of chores, but generally he takes care of all the cooking and I do all of the cleaning.

(sfw only) Do you guys cuddle real close when you sleep? Or do you sleep on separate sides and just cuddle in the morning?

We cuddled at night when we first started dating, but now it’s much more rare. Chrish likes to sleep in between us anyway, so there’s not much room left for that. Sometimes when we’re alone, he’ll hold me close in the morning 👉👈

Do you have any pets? If so, who named them? Who's more protective/clingy of them?

We don’t have any pets, because the children alone are more than enough to deal with. If we did get one though, I can lowkey see us getting a golden retriever so we can still fit into that whole ‘perfect family’ scheme.

[bandtrees]

slowly but surely im becoming a mary love blog

[imoutofpracticeyall]

Do you ever just think about how Mary and Robert just fucking outed Joseph to Dadsona for no good reason than they presumed he was already having an affair with a man he’d hung out with twice, when nothing had actually happened between them?

Like they know next to nothing about Dadsona and they just out Joseph to him. 

[theroleofimagination]

My God, Izzy is playing badly

Hoping Phil subs Leah in for her at half time

Our midfield is a mess

[scare-ard--sleigh]

okay so i need to talk about the yacht. let's talk about the yacht.

the name st. peter comes from joseph's father, the previous owner who joseph simply describes as a "fire and brimstone" type. it's interesting to me that this is the only time any of the dads talk about their parents in any capacity (as far as i remember???) but. back to the yacht.

st. peter is the leader of the 12 apostles and represents absolution and excommunication, "often represented holding the keys to heaven and hell" as stated by google. he was a boatman, but i think the name holds a higher significance given that joseph directly referenced, uh, hell and didn't just say "pete was all about that boating 😌" joseph doesn't talk about hell very often (which is probably good since he's dealing with youth) so it feels....weighty, for him to say this.

as i've learned since diving headfirst into processing my religion-related adolescent trauma for lack of a better word; absolution is forgiveness (specifically from a priest??) and excommunication is the act of excluding someone from participating in the sacraments of the church. and obviously these concepts are tied to heaven and hell.

there are parallels to be drawn from that. joseph's good ending is the one in which he has been forgiven (presumably) by mary. joseph's bad ending is the one which implies that you don't see one another anymore in any capacity, leaving both joseph and dadsona "excommunicated" in their own ways.

the heaven/hell dichotomy is also central when it comes to joseph's character motivations. i have another post drafted dissecting what he says in the bad ending about not being able to divorce because of the community--i choose to believe that he's not bullshitting and he is actually terrified. and i think the reconciliation ending is also telling of a similar thing; joseph being caught between what he wants and what he thinks is right and ultimately trying to make the "Good" (capital-G) or "Right" or "Just" call. it's fitting that joseph being "excommunicated" both by having to live on the boat AND by the boat running out of gas away from civilization is when he's not making the virtuous choice. and it's fitting that once he returns from that--once he is "absolved"--he focuses more deeply on continuing to do what's right. even in the bad ending, he's trying to have it both ways and make everyone happy, his idea of right is just a little fucked up.

but there's also the fact of the yacht itself--by being st. peter, it's a bit of a liminal space between that dichotomy. joseph alludes to being the relationship-equivalent of excommunicated from his home. dadsona comes into this attracted to joseph--a man that they know they should NOT be into--but joseph's assuring that he wants this too, which is a forgiveness. this is the 2nd time we see liminal space with him: joseph in date 2 appears to have a penchant for escapism but ultimately his happy place--his margarita zone--isn't a grand altar to joy, it's a Liminal Space Happy Place to not think about anything, including the joys of life. (and honestly, margaritaville as described in the song is fucking bleak at best. like slightly worse than purgatory.)

sigh. god this is so fucking sad. onward.

joseph's father naming the yacht st. peter narrows down the question of his upbringing a bit. i still don't think joseph's catholic, but i think there's a decent chance that his parents were (i do need to do more research on this; religious research is so fucking difficult unless you know Exactly what you're looking for, so bear with me.)

there's also the matter of joseph's ownership of the yacht. i feel like the presence of said yacht makes people think that he's from a ton of money (trust fund-esque type thing, i was fooled too) BUT--he got this yacht from his dad and it's from at least the 60s lmao!! and it only appears to be one-room below deck and then most of what we see on the upper deck?? not exactly something you'd see on dynasty.

we don't know if joseph's parents are still alive; i have this distinct feeling that joseph inherited the yacht, or his father is so old he can't use it anymore (which i'm sure would only add to joseph's stress) so it was given to him. either way, it's a yacht that he didn't pay for.

this is another instance of joseph valuing appearances, which we see firsthand somehow in almost every interaction we have with him, but it's corroborated by mary (the "he's good at pretending to be happy" comment at the bake sale) and robert (him telling dadsona that joseph isn't the man he seems right before getting on the yacht.) i don't think ultimately this is a bad thing, especially since being a community pillar is like 50% appearances and that's his livelihood. the yacht is a manifestation of this, as from the outside it's big and impressive but on the inside it's full of broken pieces (the radio), mess (joseph's room), vices (the detective novels, the wine), and it's running on empty.

[nuka-rockit]

Hey look it’s your local Hip Youth Pastor enjoying himself and having a good time and not being part of an apocalyptic demon cult :-)

[notyourdreamdad]

I dug around in the game files in Dream Daddy because I’m convinced Joseph’s good end is glitched

..and I found something that I 100% was NOT expecting. It’s in a file called level18.

LOTS of spoilers below the cut!

EDIT: Super late edit now that this has blown up but just to avoid misinformation -- the code that’s left in the game is inaccessible during regular gameplay and currently can only be found via data mining. After figuring out how the code works in other level# files (like level20) it appears there’s no START command that references this set of text. It means this is likely leftover code from a removed scene (according to many the game was initially tagged as Psychological Horror??) or it’s meant to be upcoming halloween DLC. 

tl;dr BASICALLY JOSEPH IS A SWEETIE BUT NOBODY IS HAPPY WITH HIS CANON NEUTRAL OR GOOD ENDINGS.

So as I was reading the dialogue I was like OK this is completely not the game I thought I was playing:

1. Joseph is stealing money from the church? 2. Somehow the yacht sinks? 3. At some point Amanda’s birthday happens?

and THEN I kept reading

So the Christiansen kids attack Joseph?

and THEN

Joseph tries to kill me. OK What’s going on?

I’m way too tired to keep reading the dialogue especially in broken coding format. Someone please help me confirm I’m not hallucinating and that this is actually canon somewhere? Please? Maybe even figure out what’s going on?

Here’s how to find this stuff:

On Mac (Show hidden folders must be on):

[Your User Name] > Library > Application Support > Steam > steamapps

(you can open the unix executable file with any textedit app. I’m literally using the built in mac default, textedit.)

[btanselanoican]

“ABSOLUTION”

So I joined the Dream Daddy bandwagon and GUESS WHO’S FRUSTRATED AND AROUSED BY THIS MOTHERFUCKER? M E 

:^ ) (Will draw more dads soon~)

[wolfftrapped]

clink clink bitch