#the cause of my anxiety lmao
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early years
and more stuff down here
just doodles, and a very stressed out me. thought this was a perfect time to post since i’m actually going back to school tomorrow for my last semester of high school lol. happy late new years btw (oh and brony headcanon i got from @bonkerbuster69 . you are cooooollll)
#markvid#cotc#elders of the creek#elder mark#elder david#my art#back on my shit. even though i haven’t really been off it#actually vent a bit cause tags make me comfortable for some reason#nothing serious but i get MASSIVE anxiety whenever i post literally anything on this site. because eyeballs are staring at it judging#like fresh meat#and iddkkkk eeeeuuggh it’s scaaarrryyyy#and that’s why i haven’t been posting jack shit but anyways. that is the life of a young adult on the internet for you ig#i talked about it to my therapist and woh is me and no surprise or anyone. i am afraid of the unknown#that unknown includes not knowing what people think of me and my art#so yeah gang i think i legit just have mad anxiety issues lmao#oh fuck i see a typo#whateverrr#anyways bye again. i must become a cog in the education system once more
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Cnetizens: Send this to a friend who doesn't reply my messages
OP: Sorry, I actually replied by teleportation
#lmao#douyin#funny#china#that said I rarely message my friends on wechat and they do the same#we meet and chat offline with a low but fixed frequency#The longest record for us is a whole year without any messages online but still very close offline without feeling estranged at all#friends who message a lot may be passively under an invisible obligation to have to reply within limited time like 24 hours?#But on WeChat and other chinese chat app you can't see if the other person has read your message#which is much better than other app#the left on read thing really causes lots of anxiety and self doubt#audio
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We're not so different, you and I
Judged by the inexplicable magics at our cores
Or by how we strayed from the paths laid out for us
To live our own lives, and tell our own tales
I can only hope now that yours
Leads to a happier end than mine
((Wolf belongs to @bunnieswithknives))
#My blood sugar is currently 70 and that's an improvement on how it's been#I have drank apple juice it just refuses to go up anymore#So apologies if I'm more incoherent than usual#Fop#Fop oc#fop a new wish#fopanw#fairly oddparents#Fairly oddparents a new wish#Art#My art#Sketch#I wanted to spend more time on this but the blood sugar thing is causing issues so#I'll draw wolf for real in the future I promise I love them <3#Bramble is drawn to Wolf because of their twin god kids and her anxiety wanting to make sure they're both human#Even though she knows they don't do the changeling thing anymore#She just wants to make sure#She misses her own sister :(#I'm rambling#It's the blood sugar lmao#I should get more apple juice#Anywaysssss#Was this an excuse to draw puppy wolf? Maybe#Fop oc wolf#Fop oc bramble
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I've determined that my relationship to groups of straight men is I'm like a cute little monkey that can do tricks for them (ex. at a party at uni one time one of the guys brought like a 5kg(?) dumbbell from his room and had me try n lift it with my tiny E-based spaghetti arms, and when I labourously managed to they all cheered), or like- when I wanna say smth, they'll shush their other lads like "yo, shut up, the monkey's gonna talk! I wanna hear what it has to say!", like they don't sexualise me (cause issa monkey) but they're still endeared to me (cause is tiny and cute)
like you know those capuchin monkeys that people put in little outfits, that's what lads see when they look at me
it's giving freak show (affectionate) a little bit, but I think straight men not being interested in me while still being nice to me is possibly the best nonbinary deal I coulda gotten out of this
#*mind you individual ones still look at me a little too enamoured sometimes#but it's very reassuring re my anxiety abt what'll happen once I pass better now#trans#nonbinary#transmasc#although I'm still peeved at the times where it was specifically abt me not being Strong™ cause my dysphoria has a thing abt that#I do like them listening to my wisdoms tho x'D#I got to chat to some guy friends abt men's lib yesterday and learnt of the 'literally me' meme#that's seemingly specifically abt ryan gosling characters the manosphere bros are obsessed w#(and they're not sleeping on ken I'm very happy to hear)#and I showed them some tumblr history videos so we did like a reddit tumblr culture exchange lmao
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you would think after all the yapping i do about these losers i would have a plethora of art uploaded … no… so here is my first kantrio post lol
i did these over the last month while watching the olympic weightlifting and jamming to kpop (stan red velvet and kiss of life BTW!!!)
#pokemon#pkmn#trainer red#rival blue#trainer leaf#i made them classy and smoke from a joint idk maybe i should of done the classic aussie teen experience and make them smoke from a water#bottle bong 🤩 red is a massive foodie so ofc he has the multiple options of snacks ready lol my go-to fried food was a capriccosia pizza 😭#i’m always conflicted on the blue smoking hc (just cigarettes yall lol) i often see fanart of professor blue smoking and i see the vision#50/50??? let me ask the audience 🗣️ i think i’m bias cause i am cursed with thinking men who smoke are extremely attractive lmao#there is 100% lore behind that second piece but i am so burnt out and i don’t think it’ll fit in tags lol#also just have a raging fear of sharing anything kantrio related LOL like raging projectile vomiting level anxiety#blue fears repeating the toxic cycles he grew up in but oops he’s doing exactly that in the second piece 🧐#wowzers … as kieran would say lol … i love writing and thinking about blue and his emotional growth over those 3 years red was missing#but hey sometimes something hurts so badly it takes you back to that sad and scared child version of yourself right?#strength to me is like: red >>>>>>> leaf >> blue🤷🏻♀️ they technically both canonically beat blue in gamecanon so … my girl is strong sorry#ain’t standing shy timid leaf in this house …#also - despite being acespec myself i didn’t know demi was under the ace umbrella! i think it suits red super well imo :p#pan aswell bc i don’t think he gaf 😭 also shout out to one of my fave pkmn artists kiriato 🫶🏻🤧 i was going through such bad art block and#their work inspired all of these :3 i love their stuff sm espcially their comics 🥹 i drew all of these using their brush sets too!!!#trainer blue#blue pokemon#red pokemon#leaf pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#pokemon frlg#trainer green#rival green#my art <3#kanto au
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Diabolik Lovers Dark Fate Vol. 3 Chapter of the Last Quarter — Short Story Translation
A short, sweet, and comedic tale about the Mukami brothers being supportive siblings… and nearly committing accidental fratricide in the process. Meanwhile, Yui watches with increasing concern as the disaster unfolds.
Please refrain from using or reposting the translation anywhere without my permission.
[Note: The story is written in Yui's POV.]
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅✮⋆⋅
"Uh...something's wrong..."
Kou-kun groaned as he stared down at the pot.
"Should I help after all?"
"Eve, you mustn't get involved...okay? Just quietly watch over us."
Even though he said that, an increasingly terrible smell was spreading throughout the kitchen. Despite being told not to interfere, I was starting to get a bit worried.
"Maybe it needs some sugar-chan!?"
"Ah!!"
Before I could stop him, Yuma-kun dumped several sugar cubes into the pot, filling the room with a foul stench. I felt a sense of despair.
The whole mess had started when Ruki-kun injured his hand.
"Ruki-kun always cooks for us, so let's all pitch in today!"
And so, Kou-kun's plan of making dinner ended up as disastrously as I had feared.
"...This is...?"
"Well... It's supposed to be curry..."
Kou-kun glanced at me as if pleading for help. When I looked at Yuma-kun and Azusa-kun, they averted their eyes. In short, something horrible had been created. Its color was... to put it nicely, pitch black. After tasting it, Yuma-kun commented nonsensically that it was "bittersweetsalty". Dubbed "Mukami Brothers' Style Curry" it had transformed into a mysterious substance resembling anything but curry. Just by looking at it, anyone would instantly recognize it as inedible.
Yet, Ruki-kun was peering at the plates lined up on the table with a happy look on his face.
"Maybe it's better if we don't eat this..."
In spite of Kou-kun's uneasiness, Ruki-kun scooped up the substance with a spoon and brought it to his mouth.
". . ."
"It's disgusting."
We all shared the same fear. That even though he's immortal, Ruki-kun might die from this.
Despite his words, Ruki-kun's expression suddenly relaxed. We stared at him in amazement.
"R-Ruki-kun...!!"
"Ruki..."
"Ruki...! Damn it! Yer such a...!"
The three brothers, seemingly drained, collapsed to their knees on the spot. Ruki-kun simply watched them in silence as he continued to eat.
And then, afterwards—Ruki-kun was bedridden for three days and nights. Even though Vampires aren't supposed to get sick...
Seeing this, his brothers made a firm vow to themselves. They would never try to cook again.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅✮⋆⋅
#my poor boy#they could probably weaponize that thing tho#shit must be powerful af to cause that kind of result#diabolik lovers#short story#dark fate#my translation#yui komori#ruki mukami#kou mukami#yuma mukami#azusa mukami#dialovers#diahell#mukami supremacy#no but really they be out there trying to win best brother award#probably lost tho because if the whole “accidental poisoning” deal but hey it's the thought and intent that counts!#anyway i hope you enjoyed this story ^_^#i randomly remembered that i had it lying around and figured i'd swallow my fears and give translation a go ahahaha#personally i like the story a lot#it reminds me of when ruki voluntarily ate up the burnt omurice that yui had tried to make for him#(though thankfully that didn't result in the poor man being laid up for days lmao)#that scenario is one of my all time favorites because the gesture is just so damn romantic and sweet that it makes my maiden heart flutter#i don't know if i'll make more translations (anxiety and shite confidence gets in the way of much of what i do i'm afraid) BUT#i'll for sure post the scans of any other short stories i buy#i already have a ruki one ordered but it'll unfortunately take a while before i can get my greedy hands on it
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wish house was a real doctor so i could be his mystery insomniac patient and after giving me horse tranquilizers and still not falling asleep he just hits me in the head with his cane and im out like a light
#house md#i was supposed yo be asleep 2 hrs ago cause i planned to get up very early to study but LMAO NO#as soon as i shut my eyes my chest felt like it was being ripped to shreds from anxiety. i love i love it i love it (←says guy who hates it#anyways. i got mad i cried i googled some things frantically and now im in an acceptance phase of 'it is what it is' ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i think the thing that makes me the most frustrated is that. i slept like shit last night. like 4hrs maybe!!!! total!!! and so by the time#i started studying today around 6:30 i was eepy. and then by 7:15 my eyes were sooo heavy so i decided to take a 15 min power nap#and i was DREAMING within minutes. i fell asleep that quick. such a deep sleep that my alarm scared me awake#but ofc when im like oh teehee ill go to bet hella early and wake up hella early my brain is like ? no.#if youre still reading. idk im kissing you on the mouth or something. thanks for being here 🫶#gonna start tagging these posts as#insomnia chronicles
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My children are so stupid and I love them. The fact Right uses nicknames that are indeed Just Like That makes it even harder to differentiate which one needs to be eliminated. (Brent is pretty sure it's his head on the chopping block.)
#my characters#oops i fell in love#i love my raccoon son and hes grown a lot over the years but his inspiration recently popped into my mind#cause i forgot the characters name so i had to google it and yeahhhh#my original art of right and brent looks much more cringey now that i saw the inspo again#in terms of designs go at least bc its always been a battle of my anxiety vs my depression for the plot#but lemme just say its tempting to shove that inspiration under a rug and pretend its totally based on something i only played this year#even though ive had these characters for many years lmao#like i realize they look somewhat similar to how i draw some from dbh but its really far from the inspo ...#he has always been vulgar but he used to be much more aggressive (even verbally)#but i dont actually have much art of him in contact with others even originally which is cool to notice#the one noticeable two panel comic with him ALLOWING potentially touching someone#was actually just brent teasing him with oh you should give me a high five and then he raises his hand really high to mock his height#and im p sure that was drawn right after coworkers did that to me#which actually side tangent in the tags#shout out to my manager at my old job who did that as a joke and im like no wait keep it up there for a second#and then fuckin stepped back and then got momentum and used the counter to help and SMACK#resounding clap that made every single head in the restuarant turn to us#it was like a gun shot everyone got dead quiet and my manager looked STUNNED#then he said that was the best high five hes ever gotten and i was so proud it all started as a joke and jokes on him#i take the stupidest shit seriously
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Entrati tennogen is now a thing
Have a Frost Prime if he was made by Albrecht instead ig
#warframe#warframe fanart#warframe frost#tennogen#concept design#this was purely for fun idk if i'll find anyone to model it cause i got too much anxiety in that department#but this make 2 frost skins i got now LMAO#my art#frosty does art
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#my anxiety has been insane today#i threw up after seeing someone on the tl bc it brought back everything#n ive been on edge ever since#i stupidly had coffee after i saw him but like surely it shouldnt have lasted this long#its been HOURS#n nothing else has happened to cause any anxiety so like thats it#how pathetic lmao#i hate tht such tiny things affect me sm why cant i just act normal n scroll past
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The USAmericans athletes posting about getting full free healthcare check ups is driving me crazy.
What do you mean you are a professional athlete and you can't get access to basic healthcare???
#olympics#i saw one who went to get her teeth checked#and I'm like????#you can't go once a year to get scaling????#(this reminds me that i have to do mine)#my stupid ass didn't take properly care of my healthcare for years#solely cause anxiety and depression#but at least once i have been better I could do it for free#mind you I'm lucky#cause if there's one thing that isn't free healthcare in France it's the dentist once you have major issues#and glasses#at least not mine cause my glasses correction is too strong lmao#anyway#i know the usa is like that#but i can't comprehend it
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You bitch and moan all the time about being pro ship but you literally don’t even fucking commit to it in your writing, I was surprised how milquetoast all your shit is lol, you’re a fucking pussy who’s ‘scawed of mean antis 🥺’ get real
This is such a funny ask for so many reasons.
First of all, being proship doesn't mean you read or write dark media? Clearly you don't understand that. It's literally being anti harassment. That being said I enjoy consuming dark media rather then writing it, hence the saw post I made. And lastly uhhhh idk, ahhh! Scary anti! Insulting me!! What will I do!!!
Anyway good job being anon, you're very brave.
#i will now be turning of anon for the time being so i can block people like this lmao#also might delete thos post later cause i dont like negative shit on this blog lol#also when i say antis scare me its cause of the anxiety i get with responses liek this or the one in my saw post lol#anyway glad to know there are a few proshippers in the saw fandom lmao#proship#anti anti#proshippers please interact#anti harrassment
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having to deal with someone today i thought i’d managed to cut out over a year ago and im feeling Great and Fine and Dandy about it 🙃
#it’s through work so i can’t even say no#but like… they know what she was like but still im the one having to deal with it??#im just putting on a good face bc works been exhausting this last week or so anyway so ill just add this to the list of Shit#stelle yaps#she’ll act like everything’s fine even though she made my anxiety the worst it’s ever been for like over a year and it’s still not gotten#right since either and it’s been like 8 months since i last saw her and like a year since she last tried to cause me trouble to my face#though she talked shit (and continues to do so) behind my back at work until the last day and to people we both know to this day#lmao great
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False. A WRONG thing. A pseudo-being which exists as a mimic of something better
#rapid eyes#id tag the chara but i have no clue if this thangs got a name. o7#Creature ThingTM#fanart#my art#hi people who followed me for rapid eyes a while back. heres fanart again#drew this on call w my pal just now while loopin that song i linked. said at one point out loud 'i think this songs giving me anxiety' so l#ke! it works! LMAO#fucked w this alot. not the Happiest with it but whateeevver ylal can have it#thank u once again ta pj thumbprint brush cause i thought itd be funny for that ta be consistant between my rapid eyes fanart#also good texture lmao#tried ta make this creepy lookin hope i succeded. thumbs up!
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FFXIV Write 2024 - Prompt #19: Taken
i'm not a writer by any means, but i absolutely had to take part in the ffxiv write 2024 challenge. this drabble is super rough and i may come back and expand on it later, but i'm just happy that i managed to write anything at all :^3
here's the link to the fic on ao3 if you wanna check it out there, otherwise continue below the break! many apologies for spelling/grammar/whatever errors, i don't know how to manage time efficiently totally not obvious by sharing something a day later UwU
PROMPT: TAKEN
Premise: He knew Gravy would dance with others at the ball, but Aymeric can't help but feel taken with jealousy as he watched person after person steal a dance with his Warrior.
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“You can just go up and dance with her, you know,” a voice said, having successfully interrupted Aymeric’s state of brooding and startling the poor elezen. Quickly composing himself, the Lord Commander turned to the perpetrator to apologize for appearing so glum, but his shoulders sagged in relief when he saw it was only Stephanivien. “I wasn’t joking, go on and ask the girl to dance before you glare everyone to death,” the eldest Haillenarte added, making Aymeric wince.
“Is it really that noticeable?” Aymeric stated more than asked, already knowing the answer.
“My friend, I had to convince Artoirel that you weren’t going to pull out your sword and skewer the next poor sod who asked Gravy’s hand for a dance!” Stephanivien exasperated dramatically with a wave of his hand. “I personally think it’d be hilarious if you did; it’d certainly bring more excitement to this absolute waste of time.” The machinist ran a hand through his blond hair and huffed in annoyance, his pale blue eyes scanning the room. “Ugh, this is the last time I let Art coerce me into attending one of these. He knows I have much to work on at the shop, I don’t have time to be stuck with these pricks and their hors d’oeuvres! And I have to wear this ridiculous garb that father insisted– ”
Aymeric tuned out Stephanivien’s ranting at that point and graciously accepted a glass of wine from a servant. He didn’t bother with a sip and threw his head back and downed the entire drink in one go, promptly returning the glass to the stunned server. His eyes trailed back towards the center of the dance floor and landed on the lone lalafell of the entire room…and the bastard she was dancing with. He couldn’t quite place who the man was, but Aymeric immediately disliked him for how Gravy obviously struggled to keep up with the elezen’s much longer legs.
The Lord Speaker frowned as he watched the Warrior try to tell her dance partner something, presumably to shorten his steps. He replied with yanking her harshly by the arm and pulled her up to his chest with a wicked grin, making the dancers around them gasp. Rage filled Aymeric as he marched his way to the pair, ready to beat the ever living shit out the fiend, but stopped a few steps short when Gravy, in all her gracefulness, slapped the man’s face with a resounding SMACK.
All noise immediately ceased in the ballroom as the man cried out in pain and dropped Gravy to clutch his cheek. She got up and nonchalantly dusted herself off as her dance partner’s companions came rushing to his aid. With one hand on her hip and the other pointed to wailing elezen, Gravy loudly said,
“That ain’t NO way to treat a person, ya pompous fuck! You oughta be ashamed of yerself!”
Aymeric stood there in disbelief as the ballroom erupted in laughter as the offender was dragged out before he let out a small chuckle himself.
#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwrite2024#drabble#wolmeric#wolship#gravy tries writing: difficulty extreme#aymeric de borel#stephanivien de haillenarte#warrior of light#ffxiv wol#i've been trying to write a fic about gravy for several months now#and maybe have one solid chapter finished#that only one other person has read and it's cause they beta'd for me LMAO#i have terrible anxiety about sharing my writing cause there's so many amazing writers out there that i feel grossly inferior to#so i just haven't shared anything or really kept writing#but i'm using this challenge to hopefully help me get over some of that anxiety and just WRITE something#even though i'm hella late to the challenge i'm over the moon that i was able to make something
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It's been a year of 2024, almost 2025, people still be looking at someone who's clearly neurodivergent as fuck and be assuming they just taking drugs
#I'm not even gonna tell who's this post about cause it's about all of us neurodivergent people out there in the world#we're not fucking junkies#I'm so fucking done with people being more comfortable with drugs than with acknowledging that people with mental disorders exist#like I'M SORRY that brain doesn't work normal#I'M FUCKING SORRY that my behavior is weird to YOU#it's hard enough to live without you screaming that we're fucking drug users#it's so disheartening to see someone famous being bashed and accused of using drugs when this person is f clearly has some mental problems#cause it's automatically making me feel that if he's being drugged down for that what the hell is gonna happen to me?#like#I'm fucking sorry#*but yes this post was fueled by kpop youtube*#neurodivergent#adhd#autism#audhd#anxiety disorder#ocd#obsessive compulsive disorder#paranoid delusions#etc etc etc and many more#*that doesn't mean i have all of these i just love you all and others who's diagnoses I don't remember currently lmao*
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