#the building was hella reflective and I was like

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

mouthwashing responsibility au rambles below cut 🫡

(spoiler warning for the actual game obviously)

- even though jimmy got deservedly knocked out by anya and thrown into the cryopod early on, the crash still does happen. it's a freak accident this time, like maybe a piece of space debris just happened to hurtle right into them without time to dodge. it's like the tulpar is destined to crash. but this time it's a story about a group of people finding hope and strength in each other and finding what they themselves can be capable of in a time of crisis. btw i just mean curly, anya, swansea, and daisuke. i am NOT repenting jimmy. he ain't "fixing" shit.

- i'm sorry for frying curly again even though this is supposed to be an au with a happier ending 😭 the way his loss of autonomy reflects anya's own loss of it, making him feel firsthand the suffering she went through in a way, felt too important to just remove. curly's injuries aren't as terrible as in the original timeline since swansea rescued him earlier. and by "not as terrible" i mean he only loses a leg and not all of his limbs. he will get some function in his hands eventually and anya teaches him sign language to help him communicate (she teaches the others too).

- speaking of anya, she really shows her stuff as a nurse (even in the original timeline she does, managing to keep curly alive like that). she treats curly and swansea and is much more of a pillar of strength for the crew than she herself realizes. pre-crash and post-jimmy-getting-fired, she was able to relax and open up more with everyone, building a stronger bond. when the crash happens, anya is of course terrified and hella stressed, but now she knows she has people who have her back, and it helps. she can be more confident in herself without a certain someone being there to belittle and hurt her. this time when she has to deal with something difficult, something traumatizing, she has people to support her. in this au, she is not pregnant because if she was, i don't see how keeping the baby would be a good thing for her. and i don't want her to have to deal with that situation without the proper medical supplies on top of everything else. she's been through enough.

- btw there is no shipping in this au. i personally really don't see how it could happen between anyone on the crew. if there was some sort of spark between anya and curly, it's definitely gone now and won't happen again. the most they'll be are friends (although the friendship/trust will have to be built from the ground up again after everything that's happened with jimmy). the only ship here is the tulpar.

- i know daisuke is seen as a "dumb kid" but i really don't think that's the case. we are seeing him thru jimmy's perspective mostly after all and jimmy is the definition of an unreliable narrator. i headcanon daisuke as having adhd like me who tends to lose focus on tasks easily because your brain is just going 102929 miles a minute and wandering to all sorts of places like me. he feels like someone who doesn't exactly know where they want to go in life like me. also he's definitely a hawaii kid born and raised and talks pidgin sometimes like me except i lost the pidgin :(. i'm totally not projecting my asian ass on the asian boy or anything. BUT ANYWAY i wanted to give daisuke more stuff to do and a chance to prove to himself that he can do these things, he can step up. so that's partially why i made swansea burn his hands rescuing curly. daisuke can now be filled with Determination and be swansea's hands in repairing things as he heals. it's going to be hard and it's going to be frustrating for both parties and sometimes they'll get upset at each other. but it will inevitably be a great bonding experience for the two. i cannot resist the call for more father-son moments.

- swansea my beloved. i am so sorry for burning your beautiful hands please forgive 😔🙏 i have to make my faves suffer a little. swansea's hands will heal up eventually and he'll be able to use them again, but there will be scars. i think him having to guide daisuke with doing repairs n stuff on the ship as his hands recover gives him a mission. something to distract him from completely falling into despair and alcoholism. that man is hanging on by a thread but by god he's going to help get these kids through this. they've all grown closer since jimmy was sacked and swansea feels a sort of responsibility towards protecting anya, daisuke and curly as the oldest one there. it's the dad instincts y'know? on the real hard days, sometimes swansea thinks about cracking open a bottle of mouthwash, but he holds back because he feels he needs to stay strong for the crew. however he does have to learn that he can't shoulder everything and that he can rely on others. him having no choice but to have daisuke take over his tasks is a good way for him to learn that, i think. swansea is definitely a pillar of strength in this and the rest of the crew have a lot of affection for him (and vice versa even if swansea won't admit it). can you tell i really like swansea. he is such a foil to jimmy—a guy who has fucked up a lot in his life but actually acknowledges his mistakes and is trying his hardest to be a better person. aghh swansea i love you 💛💛

- after the crash happens, the cryopod room becomes inaccessible, so nobody is able to check on the state of jimmy in there. so they don't see that the crypod he's in eventually fails from damage and he escapes. this happens a couple weeks into the crash. jimmy is still pissed about everything and still can't see how he's done anything wrong (this is because he is a delusional asshole). in fact, he feels like he's the one who's been wronged and betrayed by everyone on the crew and he wants revenge. there will be a final confrontation between jimmy and the crew. spoilers: jimmy loses. i'm just undecided on who finishes it. it would be fitting if anya shot him, but i'm not sure that's something she'd necessarily want to do. she chose to be in the medical field after all. don't get me wrong, i think she would pull the trigger if it meant protecting the others. but i'd hate to have her kill, because even if jimmy deserves it, anya is a healer and would still probably feel guilty about it. i don't want to put even more shit on her plate. so i think swansea is the one to put jimmy down in the end. with the axe of course. i think he'd feel less guilty about doing it because it's something he's wanted to do since anya first told him about jimmy. oooh what if jimmy gets his hands on the gun, but daisuke tackles him, making him drop it, and anya gets it and shoots jimmy in the shoulder or leg or something to get him off of daisuke, and then swansea comes in with the axe to finish him off. that could be fun. that way anya won't have to actually kill but she'll still get to shoot jimmy. bless.

- the crew gets rescued eventually, but it's going to be a few months because pony express is a nightmare company. i'm honestly still not sure if pony express is even the one who will rescue them or even bother to look. i'm tempted to just have another ship happen across them by some miracle and help. real tempted to make that ship The Unreliable and turn this into a Mouthwashing x The Outer Worlds crossover quite honestly since both settings share similarities (megacorporations, cryosleep, etc). but idk. it's not like i can just write a fanfic or anything since writing is harder for me and who knows how long it will be before i even draw the idea. it's just yet another self-indulgent daydream for now.

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

A darkened reflection

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 15 Vernon — cockwarming // morning sex

➥ idol boyfriend!Vernon × reader

summary: It’s not every morning Vernon gets to sleep in so when he wakes up after dreaming about his girlfriend, he decides to wake her up and put his dream to reality.

wc: 1.5k

warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, established relationship, sexual content (minors dni!): fingering, cockwarming, unprotected sex (pls use protection!!), morning sex, dirty talk, use of pet names (babe, baby, etc), mention of wet dreams, Vernon is hella pussywhipped in this, mention of some shower sex afterwards, and I think that's it. Let me know if I missed anything!

a/n: for once, I'm not writing Vernon as the best friend or roommate. Full on boyfriend mode activated. I hope you enjoy this piece of Kinkuary and please look forward to the next part! Thank you for reading as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon

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Join the taglist!

════════════════════════════════

“Stop moving,” Vernon hissed, his hand on your waist tightening as you shifted.

“I can’t help it!” You whined in response. “It just feels so good.”

It was rare for Vernon to have a day off and even more rare for him to get to sleep in so when woke up from a pretty realistic dream, involving you, he knew he wasn't going to get to sleep in after all.

He'd rolled over to find you fast asleep and sighed. He knew he shouldn't disturb you. It wasn't fair to you that you were still asleep while he was awake but nevertheless, he pulled you into him, smiling into your hair when you murmured sleepily.

It started innocent enough, well… as innocent as he could be with his dream in the forefront of his mind. Light touches, his fingers caressing your back as you slowly woke up, soft kisses to your forehead and cheek. The goal was to wake you up, but gently.

Fleeting touches turned into his hands wandering, sneaking down to pull your thigh onto his hip, his free hand tangling in your hair as his lips moved across your cheek to find your lips.

A few moments later, he was whispering in your ear all the dirty things he'd dreamt about while his hands got rid of your pajama bottoms and underwear.

You weren't a stranger to morning sex with your boyfriend. It had just been a while since you'd had the chance to wake up together with his busy schedule lately.

Once your bottoms were gone and nothing to stop him. A soft sigh escaped you as his fingers trailed down to tease your entrance, finding your clit with his thumb and starting to rub slow circles.

Everything he did was relaxed, almost lazy but there was a reason for it. He liked the build up. He preferred to see you squirm and turn into a mess as he built up the tension in your body as slow as possible. He knew that when the time for quick movements came, he'd had the stamina to see it through.

You whined as you felt his lips kiss down your body over your shirt, his free hand pushing the material up to expose your chest to him. Wordlessly, his tongue swirled around one of your nipples before drawing the bud into his mouth.

You let out a content hum, hand moving to the back of his neck as he continued to tease both your chest and your now soaked center.

Your legs spread further as you felt one of his fingers push into you slowly. "Vernon," you breathed as he added a second finger, curling them into you and making your back arch.

"Does it feel good?" he asked softly, Watchung your face as he continued to glide his fingers effortlessly against your walls, taking in the sight of your parted lips and pert nipples.

"You like it when I touch you like this?"

You nodded vigorously, licking your lips before gasping out a yes.

"You like it when I wake you up to fuck you?" he asked, enjoying the rapid rise and fall of your chest as his fingers pumped in and out of your wet cunt, the lewd sounds filling the room.

"Yes," you whimpered. "God, please just fuck me already."

Vernon smirked as he pulled his fingers out of you, pressing a couple kisses to your neck and cheek before drawing level with your ear as he freed himself from his sweats, giving his cock a few languid strokes before lining himself up with your entrance.

"My name's Vernon but if you wanna call me God, I guess that's fine," he said in an amused tone, not giving you a chance to respond as he sank his hard cock into your warm cunt but made no effort to move, simply basking in the feeling of you.

You loved the way his cock stretched and filled you every time. It was such a pleasant feeling and it was never painful with him as he always made sure you were well prepared to take him.

Of course, it wasn't long until you wanted more and started shifting, trying to get some much needed friction.

It wasn't like you hated cockwarming. On the contrary, you enjoyed the feeling of having Vernon inside you. But you also really liked it when he fucked you.

"Babe, I'm trying to sleep." 'Liar.'

You pulled your head back to look up at him, scoffing when he pretended to be sleeping. "You woke me up for this," you whined. "You're the one who was all handsy and needy and wanted to, what was it?" you said, thinking back to the dirty thoughts he shared.

"Sink yourself into my tight little hole? Isn't that what you said?"

Vernon groaned, cheeks burning with embarrassment as you recalled the words his desperate and horny brain had thought up.

"You weren't supposed to remember that!" he mumbled. "Well, too bad," you retorted. "Now are you gonna fuck me like the good girl I am or am I gonna have to do all the work?"

Vernon clicked his tongue in feigned annoyance, rolling you onto your back as he settled between your thighs, buried deep inside your pussy. "I hate how right you are sometimes," he murmured, slowly starting to move his hips.

"And I hate not being able to sleep in on my day off, but here we are," you fired back, noticing the way your boyfriend smirked as he set a slow but steady pace, focusing on getting the right angle.

He knew he could get you off much faster if he angled his thrusts just right. He didn't need speed, knowing you preferred it slow, deep. "We'll, I suppose I should make quick work of this so you can get back to sleep," he teased, his hips moving slightly faster.

You scoffed, moving to brush his hair out of his eyes.

"Honey, I don't think you know what the word fast means."

You suddenly regretted your words as you felt each hard thrust your boyfriend gave you. He made sure to keep time between them, pulling out slowly only to slam back into you. The force had you crying out with each stroke as your orgasm built up slowly.

It was like he was trying to tease you but also couldn't hold back from wanting to feel something himself. "You're so mean," you whimpered when he stopped, keeping himself buried balls deep.

Another moan sounded from you as he slowly rolled his hips, moving them in a circle and dragging against the deepest parts of your walls. "You know that's not true," Vernon replied, kissing your cheek before pressing his lips against yours. "I'm not mean."

You opened your mouth to respond, to explain how he was being mean by teasing you but could only let out a small yelp as he resumed his deep, hard thrusts. "See? I'm not mean," he teased.

You couldn't find it in you to respond, your mind clouded with pleasure and rendering you incapable of speech.

"Aww, poor baby can't talk?" he asked breathlessly. "Does my cock feel that good?" A moan slipped past your lips, the smirk on Vernon's face spreading. "Feels too good, huh? I know. You feel so good, too."

You let out a choked groan, your cunt clenching around your boyfriend's cock. "Are you gonna cum?" he asked. "Cum on my cock like the dirty little slut you are for me?"

That did it. His words paired with the way his hips moved drove you over the edge, toppling down it like the side of a cliff as you came with a moan of Vernon's name. He fucked you through your orgasm, only letting go once you'd come down a little.

His head dropped into your neck as his hips still, his release coating your walls as he groaned into your skin. Neither of you wanted to move yet you knew you needed to. Your skin was sticky with sweat, your inner thighs and his hips covered in your slick, and his cum slowly spilling out of your used hole.

"Fuck," Vernon cursed, finally breaking the silence as he lifted his head. "You good, babe?" He asked breathlessly, merely chuckling when you nodded. "Yeah. 'M good," you muttered sleepily.

"Hey, no falling asleep," he said, lightly tapping your cheek. "We need to shower. We're gross," he added, pulling out of you and getting up. You groaned tiredly, rolling onto your side. "Speak for yourself," you mumbled. "You literally have my cum rolling down your thighs and ass, babe. You're just as gross as me right now."

You hissed as he turned on the overhead light and pulled back the tangled sheets. "Shower," he ordered. "Now."

You glanced up at him. "How do you have this much energy after that?" you asked, in awe of his ability to bounce back so quickly.

Vernon rolled his eyes before grabbing your ankle and tugging gently. "If you get into the shower with me, we can continue where we left off and get clean at the same time," he reminded you.

You sat up, throwing yourself out of bed.

"You had me at shower sex."

[rockyteriyaki]

TEAM BUILDING ACTIVITIES 👯

s/o to @powerful-owl for starting this meme and @disarmd for the insanely funny contribution, it’s such a delightful thought exercise! here’s my attempt:

MASCOTS!

american sports have hella mascots, so every team is tasked to create a marketable mascot that could represent them for u.s fans. they also have to build a little model to pitch the concept. there’s the williams whale sharks. the aston martin martinis. lando and oscar devise a walking papaya named penny who looks so much like a vulva oscar backs out almost instantly.

GUESS THE GRID based on clothing choices: drivers assemble an outfit they’d wear and then everyone else tries to guess who picked what. the catch is that the f1a girls did the same challenge and their answers are mixed in as well. everybody thinks doriane’s mercedes-themed picks are george’s and maya gets confused for charles even though there’s no ferrari branding to be seen. chloe’s picked a haas cap with a black skirt and we watch nico hulkenberg go through every emotion known to man trying to figure out why kevin would—???

(meanwhile the academy grid is absolutely ripping everybody’s style choices to shreds, accusing hamda of being the most basic bitch on the planet bc max chose to wear basketball shorts, etc)

PADDOCK SCAVENGER HUNT

5 teams are in on it and the other 5 can’t know what’s going on, otherwise they lose points. charles pretends that he’s too tired to walk when pierre catches him searching the top of a cabinet on carlos’ shoulders. oscar distracts williams while lando tries to get a picture of logan with red, white and blue objects in the background. yuki gets stranded on top of the rbr motorhome because daniel won’t stop using him for reconnaissance and the whole thing gets called off because max sees them squabbling on the roof and thinks the rapture has arrived.

GEORGE AND ALEX MAKE GRAPHICS

ib george’s natural talent for graphic design. the audience gets to see what a communications team actually does in motorsport (educational!) and george and alex get free reign of the entire library of press photos of eachother. george is hunting for a terrible picture of alex to edit onto a podium but ends up having a very verbal crisis about how none of the pap shots are appropriately bad and then spends the next half an hour digging himself into theeee deepest hole talking about how it’s just not as FUNNY if alex looks TOO GOOD on the podium! it would be UNFAIR! alex is squirming and trying to remember where tf he was planning on going with this zoomed-in great-gatsby-esque picture of george’s eyelids on his screen right now. george silently edits alex’s teeth out of his mouth and tries to erase the fact that he just called alex handsome like 47 times.

MARIO KART SIM RACING

im talking full immersion. sherbet land is ice fucking cold. every time they drive over some kind of giant clock or railroad or something the sim porpoises like a jackhammer. someone is standing behind them with a full tank of water for the splash sections. there’s a legitimate epilepsy warning at the start of the video. bowser puts the fear of god into lando norris.

MAX AND DANIEL DO TEMPORARY TATTOOS

i’m hesitant to allow them access to a bowl of water but i have an extremely clear vision of daniel slapping tats all over the blank spaces on his skin to the point where they overlap and he’s just got shiny plasticky tattoo skin everywhere. max would find this unappealing and also stupid until he realizes all the fake tattoos on his side of the table are replicas of daniel’s actual ones. cut to: daniel with a snake tattoo stuck in his eyebrow hairs hiking his shorts up so max can mirror the placement on his own inner thigh. daniel resembling a concussed post malone, watching max’s careful application of the ‘3’ tattoo. max does a horrible aussie accent and daniel looks like a chimpanzee seeing its own reflection for the first time. cinema.

[moremaybank]

MELT — j.m

pairing jj maybank x fem!reader

summary snapshots of your swoon-worthy relationship with jj (based on the song "melt" by kehlani)

warnings none. hella fluff. also, soft!jj

author's note i left out the ending of the song because it just would've been redundant. i hope that's okay!

jj masterlist ;; valentine's event ‘23 𓆩 ♡ 𓆪

i can’t tell where your hair ends and mine begins

if i ain’t have all these tattoos, i would think that it’s your skin

if i move too quick past you, i would think it’s my reflection

being this close isn’t close enough

you could tell every time we touch, every time we, oh

security. harmony. joy. 

these were just some of the sentiments experienced by being together. there was a certain safety that you’d found in one another. it wrapped around the two of you like a lush blanket, much like the one the two of you were constantly under, and the warmth from it surrounded your hearts. it was fiery and beautiful. so powerful that it could make you melt into one. 

and you did. every day.

the bed was warm, the heat of your bodies radiating onto the sheets and thick covers. sunshine was beaming through the sheer curtains, allowing a golden aura to light up the dimly lit bedroom. fingers danced along bare skin, soft kisses being painted upon each other with love. there was a simple contentment you and jj found just by holding each other. 

“i never thought i could love anybody like this,” jj murmured, lips moving against your temple as his hand moved up your side. his heated touch left goosebumps in his wake, making you shiver. “you feel like something i pulled straight out of my dreams.” 

“what do you mean?” you asked. a shy smile graced your features as you shifted in his arms, your chest now pressed to his as your hand came up to his face. you let your fingers trace along his sharp features, once again in pure disbelief at how gorgeous your boyfriend really was. 

he shrugged. “i don’t know…i guess i never really saw the point in falling in love until i met you. you changed my whole damn world with that heart of gold, baby. you’re the one who cracked my heart open. you’re the one who made me feel heard. you’re the one who made me feel safe. whenever i’m around you, my heart beats out of my damn chest. my mind goes all fuzzy, and i can barely catch my breath. i wanna be around you and hold you in my arms all the time. sometimes i wish i could live inside your skin.”

“that’s kind of gross, j,” you joked.

“shut up,” he chuckled in response, “i’m serious. look, the only thing my dad has actually ever taught me is that love hurts. but it’s not like that with you. you make everything better. i just love you so damn much.”

“baby,” you cooed, your eyes welling with tears of joy. you leaned in, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. “i love you too. it’s you and me, j.”

“it's you and me."

wish i could build me a cute apartment

one-bedroom right where your heart is

inch of space feels broken-hearted

across the bed feels way too far and

i wonder when they see just one, do they see us two?

ooh, oh

there was a soul tie between you and jj. a healthy one formed with love. it kept you linked as if you were tied together with an invisible string. 

even when the two of you were apart — which neither of you was ever thrilled about because if you’d had it your way, you’d be together all twenty-four hours of the day — you still felt so connected to each other. you both carried the love you shared in your hearts and souls and brought that love everywhere either of you went. 

still, it didn’t stop either of you from being upset when you were forced apart.

“do you have to go?” you pouted as you watched jj pack his belongings into his backpack. 

“baby, i’ve been staying here for three weeks now. i’ve been wearing and re-wearing the same shit. i need fresh clothes,” he laughed softly, looking at you from over his shoulder. “i’ll be back tomorrow, i promise.”

you sulked further, getting up from the edge of the bed and wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. the left side of your face rested against his shoulder blade as you cuddled into him. “you do know i have a washing machine, right?”

he turned around in your holds, cradling your face in his hands as he tilted your head up to look at him. “you know i don’t like leaving you. things would be easier if we lived together. that way, i’d be here all the time, and i wouldn’t be such a crap roommate to john b.”

you let his words sink in, the wheels in your brain turning as you thought of an idea. “so, let’s.”

“let’s what?”

“let’s live together. you’re always staying for weeks at a time, and it completely sucks whenever you have to leave. maybe you don’t have to anymore.”

jj cocked his brow, “are you serious?”

“as a heart attack, my love.”

with that, jj’s arms wrapped around your waist, and he lifted you up, twirling you around in the air. you both giggled away cheerfully, embracing each other tightly. 

“i’m moving in, baby!”

that’s when i melt into you, oh-oh-oh

i melt into you, oh

that’s when i melt into you

melt into you, melt into you, oh

jj loved to watch you sleep. 

not in a creepy way, but in a way where he could take the time to take you all in. the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you took each breath in. the way your long lashes kissed the tops of your cheeks lightly as they fluttered. the hints of a smile pulling at the corners of your lips subconsciously. you were so angelic; sometimes, jj struggled to believe that you were real and not just a figment of his wild imagination.

he remembered the first time he’d admired you in your slumber, deeming you his personal sleeping beauty. 

you were at the chateau with the pogues, having come together for a movie night. you and jj were just friends at the time, but you were as close as ever, like two peas in a pod. you’d fallen asleep cuddled into his lap, one hand under your cheek and the other resting on his lower thigh, just above his knee. your touch sent a thrill through him, sparks igniting inside of him due to your warmth. your hair was out of your face, and the light from the tv cast over your features. it illuminated the dewy, natural glow of your skin, dancing along the tip of your nose, your chin, and the cheekbone that was visible to him. you were always beautiful to him, but there must have been something in the air that night because his heart threatened to burst just by admiring how peaceful you looked. 

jj carefully smoothed a hand up your arm, landing on your shoulder as he traced circles onto your skin with his thumb. you shifted, still asleep, but your hand moved from his knee and grasped his. you wove your fingers with his and brought your joined hands to your chest, keeping them close to your heart. and that was the moment he knew he’d fallen in love with you so deeply that nothing could ever waver it. 

and now, when you were deep in your sleep, you would reach out and pull him closer to you, just like you had that night. even if the two of you were skin-to-skin, as close as you could possibly be without morphing into one, you’d always wanted for him to be closer. and jj could never deny you because what he wanted was the same. he’d sigh into your scorching touch, kiss the nearest spot his lips could reach, and melt into you. 

he hoped that every night for the rest of his life could look exactly like this.

matching your breath, follow your chest up and down

hopin’ you let secrets spill out your mouth and

inhale, exhale, breathe me in

with every breath, i’m sinkin’ in

no way to describe it, i’m a riot

if i wake up and i’m somehow beside you

instead of inside you, that shouldn’t surprise you

you don’t even notice, no need to remind you

you’d had past relationships before jj, and each time, you thought you had a good idea of what love was supposed to be. with every new romantic endeavour, each one better than the last, your perception of love grew more profound and poetic. 

but as soon as you started spending time with jj, you discovered that you couldn’t have been more wrong.

being with jj just felt right. being with him gave you a stillness that seemed almost too good to be true. his love settled you. it grounded you on earth, though you felt like you were floating in space. it was a once in a lifetime type of connection, and you knew it would last.

“should i be nervous? we’ve been walking for a while, now, j,” you spoke, your eyes forced shut due to the blindfold jj had covered them with. 

“shhh. we’re almost there, babe. this will all be worth it, i swear.” jj replied, guiding your steps from behind you. his hands were braced on your upper arms as he helped you walk, and his touch added the comfort you needed as you worried about where he was taking you. 

“you know i can hear the waves crashing, right? and i can feel the sand underneath my shoes?”

“c’mon, pretty girl. play along,” he whined. 

“alright,” you huffed, “i will.”

jj grinned, although you couldn’t see it as he continued to help you make your way toward the surprise he had planned. 

“okay,” he said, coming to a halt. “stay there, don’t move. and don’t take the blindfold off until i say so.”

“um…okay?” you stood there waiting as you heard some low shuffling, and then what sounded like something being set down. 

“alright, baby. open up.”

you removed the blindfold, and your gaze landed on jj. he was laying on top of a blanket set down on the sand. there was a picnic basket and a bouquet of roses to the right of him, along with a bottle of high-end champagne — one that you were slightly worried that he stole, but you put that on the back burner for now. the moonlight shone brightly, illuminating jj’s setup.

“what’s all this?” you asked, your voice nearly caught in your throat. he motioned you over with his hand, and you obliged, making your way over to him. 

“i wanted to do something special for you. we’ve both been working non-stop, and we barely get to see each other. tonight was the first night that our schedules matched up, so i wanted to take advantage of it. give you the date night you deserved.” 

you remained silent, and he chuckled at the evident shock on your face.

“is this your way of proposing?” you questioned. 

jj laughed softly, grabbing your hand and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, “hell nah, babe. when i propose, it’s going to be ten times more extravagant than all this. you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

“lord help me if that’s true,” you spoke, your lips forming into a grin. you leaned in, giving him a slow, gentle kiss. “thank you for this. i love you.”

“i love you too, princess.”

jj tag list (join here!): @maybankslover @kittyqrt @v-velvetykisscs @hobiibobii @rafesdior @fool4him @hemogloban @pankhoeforlife @rafesmuse @lyn07 @houseofperfecttaste @qualitybelieverflower @dudenhaaa27 @princessbetsy123-blog @tori-loves1 @alexxavicry @kenzi-woycehoski @elijahssuit @skydisneylover @adoreyouusugar @obxjjpouge @conniesanchor @baby-maybank @angel037 @wotfasked @rafelover @penny4yourthoughts @adr1an4 @nerd505 @xngelsau @maybank-archives @p4nkowrld

[jade-of-mourning]

Here is an unwarranted post on some (mostly) Mako fics that I’ve really enjoyed if anyone is mildly interested:

Gen

No Church In The Wild [https://archiveofourown.org/works/458765] - Mako & Bolin, pre-canon; on being young while living on the streets

Separation [https://archiveofourown.org/works/25229557] - Mako & Bolin, shortly pre-canon; the aftermath of a targeted attack from the Triads

burned, about to burn, still on fire [https://archiveofourown.org/works/29173200] - Mako-centric, canon-compliant post-season 3; reflective introspection in a world that doesn't stop

he’ll never keep diaries [https://archiveofourown.org/works/4451897] - Mako-centric, post-canon; thoughts on Naoki

Dirty Fire [https://archiveofourown.org/works/35241340] - Mako-centric, spanning pre-canon through post-canon; on firebending and family

Midnight Confessional [https://archiveofourown.org/works/2229444] - Krew, canon-compliant; a game of never have I ever, with accidental feelings

(Growth) [https://www.tumblr.com/ourimpavidheroine/134586165521/mako-appreciation-week-day-six-growth] - Mako & Lin Beifong, canon-compliant; on presentation and perception

A Bearable Bruise on Your Conscience [https://archiveofourown.org/works/26101444/] - Mako & Bolin; living in the pro-bending arena

brightly beating heart [https://steinbecks.tumblr.com/post/119345939589/at-the-end-of-the-alley / https://steinbecks.tumblr.com/post/123179915684/brightly-beating-heart], Mako-centric, between season 3/4, incomplete; the mirage of a life he'd like to live

Sacrifices [https://archiveofourown.org/works/12385137] - Mako & Bolin, pre-canon; on coming from earth and fire

One Foot on the Ground [https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7998132/1/One-Foot-on-the-Ground] - The Fire Ferrets, canon-compliant; learning to build trust at the very start

a dandelion wish [https://www.tumblr.com/moonlightingfic/158981838482/a-dandelion-wish] - Mako-centric; chasing Naoki

Sparks [https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868129] - Mako & Bolin, post-canon; searching the Fire Nation for their mother’s family

Fics with ships

(I'm personally a big fan of aroace Mako but I will read mostly anything to be honest. I like Korrasami a lot but I also really like Makorra in the right context, shoot me :P)

Acquired [https://archiveofourown.org/works/452166] - Krew & Korra's family, background Makorra, season 1 canon-compliant; relearning what it means to be loved by family

Chasing Serendipity [https://archiveofourown.org/works/1213507] - Asami-centric, Korrasami flavor, heavy canon divergence, second person pov; in which Avatar Korra comes from the streets

One Step, Two Steps [https://archiveofourown.org/works/374940] - Korra-centric, mildly Makorra, canon compliant; lessons with Tenzin

Mako and the Terrible, Awful, No-Good, Very Bad Road Trip [https://archiveofourown.org/works/26505814] - Wuko, canon divergence; a comedy of all time, with a plot summarized by the title

beach daze [https://archiveofourown.org/works/2354858] - Makorra, modern AU; the summer in which Korra is a lifeguard

Six Degrees [https://archiveofourown.org/works/3857545] - Makorra, modern AU, second person POV; in which Mako works a plethora of random jobs Korra keeps encountering him at

Shen [https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126897] - Makorrasami, post-canon; casual child acquisition and detective work

(anyway all of these have particularly fantastic voicing from the author and their executions are kind of peak — definitely the sort of shit that i envy whenever i get around to my hella scrappy writing projects. 100% rec all of them and i have many many more stuffed in my saved if any of them you'd like more of that same flavor.)

[mazeinthemiroh]

Could you do headcanons on how skz would act around their crush? 😂

how stray kids would act around their crush

genre: headcanons; romance, fluff, slight crack

word count: 1k

warnings: cursing, you stan 8 dorks btw i hope you know that

pls like and reblog if you enjoy! feel free to request anything <3

bangchan

he's actually such a flirt, bro-

but he's also shy so it's like... pick a lane, yk??

because when he's like not-so-subtly flirting with his crush and they flirt back?? he's all giggly and stuff

such a dork lmao

compliments you as much as he possibly can without seeming like a simp

but he is so

wants to get closer to you and be your bestie. finding out more about you and getting to know you on a more personal level is his goal

because, in his mind, there's one thing having a crush on someone. but it's another thing entirely once you build a special connection with someone based on that initial attraction

lee know

ahh minho

ahsdbdjhdbuwegfu

he's my favourite when it comes to his response to a crush because it is pure taking the absolute piss

minho builds a playful connection with his crush; he wants to tease them, mock them, and make fun of them any chance that he can get, without completely hurting their feelings and missing his chance.

he is learnt over time how to balance his playfulness in this way

spends a lot of time thinking about you

so much so that it distracts him from his daily tasks

he would never admit this though. it makes him frustrated

like "how dare they consume my thoughts 24/7"

overall, it's totally obvious that he has a crush on you to onlookers because he can't help his ever-growing smile when talking to you

his mission overall is to make you smile or laugh

changbin

invites you out A LOT

yeah he doesn't really try hiding his crush on you because he doesn't really see the point

in his opinion, he shouldn't have to hide such feelings

talks to his friends about you

so they definitely know

wooyoung and yeonjun be sighing dramatically as changbin brings you up in their conversation yet again

"we went to the arcade the other day an-" "y/n love arcades, we should totally go with them next time! they said they were good at the claw machine but-"

you get the idea

he's super sweet about you. gushes and brags about you to no end

and this doesn't really change once he actually starts dating you

he's a very consistent boy

hyunjin

this man has probably written poetry about you before he even talks to you

anyways

he's such a cute little dumpling, wtf

smiles softly at you

compliments you boldly but with a shy tone

tries not to make it obvious that he likes you. idk he's very aware of himself so he is always second-guessing his actions

each time he sees you, he seems to find it harder and harder to talk to you without you knowing he's head-over-heels in love

he just falls deeper and deeper

until he just comes out and says it

abruptly and messily

yeah <3

han

very engaging

probably a tad bit hesitant going up to you but does it anyways

he fights through his little bit of nerves because seeing you smile means more to him

he will try and find any excuse to be next to you and talk your ear off

he wants to get to know you. wants to know what you like, what you dislike. what makes you tick?

he can be a master of small talk when he needs to be so easing himself into any conversation with you proves to be straightforward to him

laughs louder than usual around you

talks faster, too

he just gets excited once he's finally up and talking to you, it's hella cute

felix

has eyes only for you

very obvious that he likes you

and it's because he always singles you out

he makes a beeline to where you are as soon as he clocks you're in the same room as him

unintentionally flirty

overall just super friendly and wants to get to know you from the get-go

but doesn't want to come across too strongly

probably overthinks everything he does or says to you

will meditate and reflect on how he interacted with you later that night when he is alone with your thoughts, probably torturing himself over things he said or things he didn't say

overall he has a very conflicting time

i relate to him so much, dammit 🚶

seungmin

he doesn't stop smiling around you

so smiley that his cheeks hurt after being near you for at least five minutes

but then he realises in order to actually be with you he needs to try and talk to you first

baby step seungmin, come on

so he's racking his brain to say something funny or interesting. if you look at him, it's like you can see the cogs in his brain working at full speed. fascinating to watch i must say

but what comes out of his mouth is a simple "hey, how have you been?"

impressive, isn't it?

honestly, it's good to start simple. and seungmin finds that these little interactions with you are better than he could have ever dreamed of.

jeongin

he does not SPEAK

avoids you at all costs, no i'm not exaggerating

so awkward bro, the amount of harassing the other members had to do to get him to talk to you is embarrassing

but honestly same, innie. it's hard speaking to your crush, cut him some slack!

once he's into it, he's fine

"what was i worried about?"

all he has to do is be his cute and awesome self and there's not much else to it!

is kind of formal when he speaks to you

once he loosens up and gets closer to you, he starts becoming more casual and relaxed

[hella1975]

HELLA HOW DID YOU LIKE UNREAL UNEARTH?? FAVORITES??

finally finally FINALLY listening to this album im literally sat here laptop open finger on the play button genius page up ready to just spew out any thought i have in real time. let's go!

de selby pt1 - i forgot how much i fucking love hozier's lyricism. he just gets it. he's a master at his craft it's truly an honour to exist in the same time as him. this song is so calm but in a haunting way, like the stillness of fog on a lake in the morning. your reflection cant offer a word to the bliss of not knowing yourself. okay!!! OMG THE IRISH!! absolutely adore how vocal hozier is about his culture and even just how much his accent comes through on this album compared to earlier tracks. also love how the intensity builds in this part of the song this whole thing is stunning

de selby pt2 - THE WAY IT SLIDES RIGHT INTO PART 2! LOVE LOVE LOVE! very different vibe but it works. i love how there's always so many layers to hozier songs. like de selby alone has the actual song meaning AND the references to the third policeman AND its relevance to the circles of hell that we keep throughout the album. as far as media consumption goes hozier has never once failed to deliver an entire banquet. also love the whole 'becoming each other' of it all with de selby. ouroboros love. hannah have u seen this

first time - this feels like he's singing in a pub somewhere u love to see it. the liffey would have been softer on my stomach all the same! unearth without a name! some part of me must have died the first time you called me baby! this is v classic hozier imo just the most gorgeous love song u ever heard. also i love the themes of light/dark he's weaving into all these songs. girls when there are themes and symbolism <333

francesca - YEAHHHHHH i could talk about this song for HOURS there's so much going on it is so far my fave of the album ID TELL THEM PUT ME BACK IN IT! insanity. if a man sang about me this way id throw up blood

i, carrion (icarian) - insane song name. hello. what the fuck. is this about icarus. did hozier himself actually write a song about icarus. one sec. OH MY GOD HE DID WHAT THE FUCKKKK. "this song has tried to imagine that he was so enamored and so breathless and so ecstatic in the moment that he felt the air rushing by him, that he never knew he died" THEY HIT THE FUCKING PENTAGON. beautiful gorgeous im inconsolable cheers for that

eat your young - LETS GOOOOOO. cuntism off the charts. i listen to this at least once a day

damage gets done - circle of greed time! 'we had nowhere to go and every desire for going there' 'being blamed for a world we had no power in' god :')) the HARMONIES!!!! this is exactlyyy what being young is like good and bad. this is such a car song

who we are - I JUST HELD IT TIGHT SO SOMEONE WITH YOUR EYES MIGHT COME IN TIME TO HOLD ME LIKE WATER OR CHRIST HOLD ME LIKE A KNIFE WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK NO ONE FUCKING TALK TO ME. the uncertainty of growing up that he tackles in this, finding purpose, grappling with the fact there isn't always one. the last verse going soft and gentle. what was the NEED for this

son of nyx - another mythology reference! im crawling up the wall. ohhh it's instrumental! just looked at the meaning behind this and wow. this is beautiful

all things end - ADORE this song and the message of it. literally if there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact they didn't do it right!!!!!! and all things end!! and we begin again!!!! i just know zukka nation is going to go crazy with the parenthesis titles after this one

to someone from a warm climate - this is such a cool idea for a love song. like being from somewhere cold so you know how to stay warm, and saying to someone from a warm climate that it's okay if they don't know those things because you'll do it for them. the domestic, casual affection of that. it's not a bold declaration it's just confirmation that i'll keep the bed warm for you. that's all there is. that's all there needs to be

butchered tongue - ive already read some stuff about this one and ive been really itching to listen to it. the way he alternates between singing about the violence of the english against the irish (particularly the wexford rebellion) and the loss of culture there to how it relates to violence and loss of culture experienced by natives of countries on the complete other side of the world, how he's able to identify with that while still acknowledging that his language at least has a written history that can be recovered, while many native cultures dont even have that. there's no translator left to sound a butchered tongue still singing here above the ground. this whole thing is just. haunting and the fact such a big singer like hozier is taking so much time and care to talk about and spread awareness about ireland is very very cool to see

anything but - VIBE CHANGE! THIS MAKES ME WANT TO DANCE OMG! more water themes too omg i love this 'if i had his job you'd live forever' DAMN 😭 me personally i wouldnt have that. also the repetition of all the things he wants to be sooo true that's the human condition baby!

abstract (psychopomp) - ive been thinking about making a post for TIME about like. the desensitisation to death that you get from growing up in a rural area so listening to this is sooooo. like yeah. you remember the first animal you saw die don't you. you know the smell. the look in its eyes. see how it shines. see how it shines. this is an insane thing to write a song about. and to tie it to love? humanity? and the ongoing undercurrent of the circles of hell? CRAZYYYYY. this song is religious. to me. it's also very coldplay sounding actually? which is only ever a good thing

unknown/nth - HELLOOOOOO YOU KNOW THE DISTANCE NEVER MADE A DIFFERENCE TO ME!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW I COULD BREAK BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THE GOODNESS LOVE I STILL CARRY FOR YOU???? THAT ID WALK SO FAR JUST TO TAKE THE INJURY OF FINALLY KNOWING YOU?????? lyrics of all time. caving my own skull. top 3 songs on the album

first light - light themes again!!! dante surfacing from hell!!! the end of a journey quite literally!!! he can't keep getting away with this!! i love how... heavy? this gets in places. like it's got all the instruments and backing vocals all going at once with his voice overarching everything it's amazing. this is a perfect end song <3

[riririnnnn]

so i love reading your theorys and i have question do you have theory on what isagi true ego is and what it could be and do for him (: (●◡●)

To know that you love my theories got me feeling like:

By the way, to answer your question, I don't know....??

I don't quite understand the meaning of true ego to be honest. Is it like the true personality, the hidden aura or something, or is it just the reflection of their true ideals as a soccer player?

Starting from the start:

I can't understand why Kaneshiro-san decided to keep Isagi's childhood and soccer awakening in the Light Novel rather than the Manga itself. I don't know about Japan, but outside of it, I don't think so that many people buy or read Light Novels related to any Manga.

To say in short, Isagi has had a heightened form of senses like hearing and vision ever since he was born. His spatial awareness was something he was born with rather than something he worked for. One could say that he could've been a prodigy if he had received the proper training.

Now comes his soccer ideals(?):

So, when Isagi witnessed a soccer match in a stadium, he found the sports hella beautiful or something like that, and after that he started playing soccer. He was around the age of 4 at that time.

Then after at the age of 8, he saw an interview of Noa where he basically said along the lines of, "Soccer is more than just winning or scoring goals."

THAT was when Isagi went like, "He knows why I love soccer!"

And after that he idolised Noa and was somewhat successful in it too

UNTIL!

He joined Ichinan High School.

The first thing Isagi noticed when he joined was the motto of the club, "One for all. All for one."

I might change the meaning, so look at it yourself:

You getting me?

Ichinan High School is actually the second best in the prefecture he belongs to: Saitama.

But very ironically, it became the very reason for the downfall of Isagi.

He got swayed away in that ideal, and low-key forgot his true self.

THAT'S WHY!

When we saw that Final match in the first episode/chapter, we can see that Isagi was fired up to score a goal and get into the Nationals.

BUT!

When his coach yelled out, "One for all! All for one!" It flipped a switch in his mind and that's when he passed— he wouldn't have passed if it wasn't for the coach.

SEE THAT'S WHY!

That's why Ego chose him even though when Anri was mentally questioning Isagi's abilities.

Ego saw through it all.

That's why Isagi was the first one to get fired up after Ego's speech in the JFU building. It wasn't some protagonist bullshit, Isagi had it in him from the very start, Ego just gave him the fire that was needed for a beautiful combustion.

It low-key makes me angry too that Isagi's childhood wasn't included much. His improvements really feels like plot armour or something when the reality is that he was him from the very start.

And that's really what I think reflects Isagi's true ego the best: to feel the very essence of soccer, to play the game more than just a game of passing or scoring, to have more than just victory.

I hope it.. answers your question.

That's all!

[i-am-autistic]

This is an ST rant I been meaning to do for a while

Honestly like the best part of being in fandoms is all the different thigns people create like......idk man Im not even often made to feel bad for the things I post except one or two that I block occasionally. But I see a lot of like Billy fans get a lot of shit and it's like I never gave a shit for Billy and he gave me the ick immediately(as a character in the show). But he was a character for 2 seasons, and enough of him was explored that was sympathetic and relatable and a different view into abuse than any other character. I never understand people who are befuddled that Billy has a fanbase.......like he is a major character in s2 and s3 obviously he has a fanbase. It's incredible to me people think that you can separate parts of the show as if the same writing room and the same writers aren't coming up with it. Im a Jonathan fan and for a long time any engagement about him was like this too....people don't remember that S1/2 Jonathan got treated just like Billy. Now that there's a decent contingent of Jonathan fans on tumblr and reddit and such you can actually talk about and engage with the character but in s1/s2 the only way to do it was to search AO3 tags because his tumblr tag was dead and everyone on reddit hated him. And it's just like you can't take out one part of the show(especially characters that are so crucial to their seasons) and say this is evil and not part of the show and all these other parts are fine and cool and cute and memeable but this other thing is so ugly and should be ignored. Which is the reaction I feel some people have to certain things in shows they like and it's such a 2024 response to shit but like can we just be normal about shit PLEASE. You can like a character who has done heinous things man, it is a fictional character they are literally made to be liked and reflect real life people. You are literally allowed and hella valid to do this even if the fanbase is small and people don't want you to and people don't get it and are constantly shouting at you not to. It's literally fandom there is more important things to fight in the world than fans of things that make you uncomfortable in a Netflix show. There is nothing at all wrong with liking a character and relating to one who has done something awful or creepy or nasty. It is literally not real, the actions are not real, there is no real crime, no real victim and no real aggressor because it's not real. Seriously all characters are somewhat of a reflection of the writers and their experiences and play a part in building the world out.....yes even the awfully written ones and the bad racist stereotype ones. and the ones that happen after the show or book series or comic or movie series or whatever "got bad". Those are still part of the story and part of the world. I feel I should clarify Im a brown person because IK people will assume and say awful things in the replies if not. And I'm sure this will still get some hate but I'll just block I ain't responding to shit, if you send stupid stuff in the replies it's just sending hate mail Im just deleting it and not responding.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk (I've wanted to do a Billy post for a while but I don't have a ton of stake in the character so it kept getting pushed back. I hope people who interact with my posts don't stop or block me because of this :(. I understand there is a lot of animosity towards the character but I think that's just sad because it drowns out a lot of discussion about him. I hope it will be understood this is not an endorsement or defense of his racist stuff and bad character traits)

[greenninjagal-blog]

Smoke and Mirrors

Hi :D Who's ready for this monster? Welcome to my Big Bang for this year! Special thank you to @tss_storytime for putting this together and giving me the opportunity and @dragonsarecats for being my amazing fantastic artist partner who created this cover art!

Summary: Roman and Remus don't have and never have had reflections. Logan has been betrayed by someone, but he’s not sure who. Patton's been dead for sixteen years and counting.

Somehow, all of these things are related.

Words: 3637

Read on Ao3 || My General Writing Master List

“I’m just saying—” Remus says, almost sounding excited at this new revelation of his, “—the next step would definitely be an apartment building! Think about it, Roman!”

“I am thinking about it,” Roman says, tiredly. “I don’t want to be thinking about it, but I am.”

“So many people live there, you know? There’s, what, sixty units in your building, right? At least twenty of them have got to be families with little brats, then old people with their pets, other college students with friends over. On a Friday like today there’s got to be, like, over two hundred people. And then you have the narrow staircases, which Grandma and Grandpop can’t get down in a timely manner, and I bet with all the mold in the walls—”

“Remus,” Roman says, tilting his phone so that the microphone clearly picks up on how incredibly not-amused he is with the conversation.

“...the elevator is basically already on its last legs. Remember how it shook when I jumped in it last time?”

Roman remembers it really well actually, probably better than Remus, since Roman actually has a healthy dose of self preservation. Remus had just been finishing laughing his nasally, crackling chortle when the elevator doors opened again finally on Roman’s floor, and the sight of the bruising on Roman’s face when he saw him again was enough to set him off periodically throughout the rest of his three hour stay. 

Still, Roman knows that Remus has a point. Not that he’s going to admit it before he’s actually in a casket, because Remus would never let him live it down.

Roman side steps out of the way of a cyclist who seems to think the whole sidewalk belongs to them, and readjusts the strap of his bag on his shoulder that is currently cutting off the circulation to his fingertips. The city isn’t entirely busy, nor the weather too terrible, but Roman is regretting choosing to do the hike back to his apartment building. His knockoff vans are hella cute today, but they were not made for long distance walking, and there’s a rock in his left one that he hasn’t managed to get out no matter how many times he’s stopped to take it off and shake.

“I’m just saying,” Remus repeats, “If I were—” 

“I hate to be the voice of reason here,” Roman says, “but you are not a serial arsonist, Remus!” 

“I could be. You don’t know everything I do in my free time.”

“You don’t have time to be an arsonist. Between all your comic deadlines and the various licenses you have accrued, you don’t spend enough time on this plane of Earth in order to have set fire to anything other than your toaster,” Roman rolls his eyes. “And that’s only when you remember to eat, Rem.” 

Remus blows a raspberry back at him directly into the receiver so that Roman can hear exactly how wet it is and cringe away from it. 

Remus had a talent for getting himself into trouble and trying new things that skirted the edge of legality, but he’d given up fires back when they were tweens. Whoever or whatever was doing it now seemed to be doing it with much more intention: a rental car in a half full parking garage, an abandoned warehouse in the industrial area already set to be demolished, a newly built, still for-sale two-story house in the suburbs (casualty: one, injured six). The most recent event had been two days ago when a department store nearly exploded right as it was closing, killing two employees, three customers, and a firefighter and injuring far more. The fires were slowly getting bigger and gaining more traction, as if gearing up for a grand finale and the news hadn’t been taking it easy.

The police and the FBI were apparently hot-on-the-case and the tip number line was almost engraved into Roman’s retinas from how it was plastered all over the place, begging for Cyra City civilians to stay aware, keep a close eye on things, and report anything that seemed suspicious.

So far no actual details about the whole thing had been made public (on the very valid worry of copycats), but the lack of information had left people far more options to gossip about it. So far Roman’s physical chemistry class was split between it being a handful of rowdy teenagers “rebelling” and it being a serial murderer winding up for an enmasse attack that would go down in history along with the “greats”. Most of the stores had started selling mini fire extinguishers in the checkout lines and Roman’s mom had called last week to see if he had already bought himself one, and Roman wasn’t embarrassed until he answered yes.

But Remus already knows all that, and had texted him a string of mocking emojis until Roman had asked if he should sell it. 

It’s currently sitting in his apartment next to his bed, in easy access if he spontaneously catches fire while sleeping. ((His last hook up had called him prepared, and well… Roman had been eager to show the guy just how prepared he was.))

Luckily, his beloved apartment building is around the corner and he can feel his second wind coming at even the thought of taking his shoes off and collapsing face first into his bed. He starts patting through his pockets for his keys, stalling his walk behind two older women in jogging outfits, and switches his phone to his other hand so he can check through his bag frustratedly. He’s found at least three chapsticks he thought he lost months ago, and his extra hairbrush, and about twenty seven receipts (one of which has the number of the cute barista and he makes a mental note to put that in his phone later). There’s a crumpled flier for some niche religious group that that Roman accepted partially because the guy handing them out looked a bit desperate for interaction, but mostly because they were outside of the boutique Roman likes, blocking the entrance. He tosses that one in the nearby trash can as he walks by.

Roman pins his phone between his cheek and his shoulder, using both hands to sift through his bag. His brain tumbles through the previous conversation trying to remember what they were talking about. 

“Did you eat today?”

“Huh?” Remus says, which is a Remusian for ‘What day is it?’ “Hey, how many people do you think I could murder and get away with?”

“Remus.”

“Probably like fifteen right? At least to start. Once I figured out how to do it. Gasoline and a lighter and I could probably get a full apartment building—”

“Honestly, going from no murder, to a few murders, to about a hundred is an insane jump. Even for you.”

“Well it wouldn’t be a full hundred. At least a few people would get out, right? Unless I barricaded the front doors, or like… chain-and-padlock-ed it closed.”

“The point still stands that— and I can’t believe you’re making me argue this— you didn’t set those fires and you aren’t going to set them in the future!”

Remus makes a disagreeable tone and Roman smiles graciously at the women nearby who probably just overheard that whole conversation and might call the police on him for it later. Lovely. He turns away quickly leaning into his phone.

“In fact, right now I bet I can guess exactly what you are doing!” Roman continues. “Sitting in your drawing chair, with both your computer monitors on. The left one has the sketches for the next page of your comic, half lined, and the right one has the character sheets for Anton and Pryce and the Dragon Witch. Your drawing pad is in front of you, and you’re spinning your pen in your hand aimlessly while we talk, and everything is the same way it was this morning.”

“You forgot the part where there’s a super hot stripper giving me a blowjob right now,” Remus says with the tell-tale clack of him putting down his digital art pen, which is as good as him admitting to it all. Roman pauses just enough to roll his eyes so hard he’s certain that Remus gets the vibe from his own apartment.

“Damnit,” he huffs, checking his pockets again. “Why can’t I find anything today?”

“Are you still looking for that compact mirror?” 

“Keys, now,” Roman says. “But I swear I had that mirror this morning when I left the apartment. I was late because I was cleaning it!”

Or well. Because he was trying to put on makeup via guesswork, but he didn’t need Remus knowing that was the real reason. 

“You know you could have made the jump with the right angle at the windows in your fancy science school, right? No one would even have noticed. All too busy being boring lame losers with no life, just like you.”

“I don’t like traveling without another mirror.”

“Um, hello? Phone screen!”

“I’m not going to leave my phone behin— found it!” 

“The mirror?”

“My keys,” Roman twists his keychain around his hand, and waves at the other college students loitering at the corner before he heads towards the entrance to his apartment building. “Look, Remus—”

“Yeah, yeah, homework, physics, blah blah blah, you’re not getting laid, blah blah—”

“Between the two of us, who walked in on the other in the middle of—”

“Between the two of us who forgot to return my copy of 2005′s Just Like Heaven and made me come get it myself?”

"You didn’t even like it!"

"I don’t like you either," Remus says. "And jeez for someone who looks exactly like me there are some startling fucking differences. Like length—”

“Tony didn’t have a problem with it.”

“I thought his name was Kyle?”

Roman frowns, pulling his key out of the door and catching it with his knee, thinking that night over. “No. He was definitely a Tony. His hair was… you know, Tony hair!”

“The fact that you had to rely on his hair is sad,” Remus states. “You get how that’s sad, right?”

“I’m hanging up—”

“Wait, wait! Just… you’re sure that…you’re not going to, like… burnaliveinafire?”

Roman blinks, and swallows back the ridiculous amount of softness that appeared out of nowhere, and hits like a sucker punch right through his ribcage in a way that is so very Remus.

“I’m not going to burn alive in a fire,” Roman says.

“… promise to jump over the second anything looks sketchy."

"There's, like, nine other apartment buildings and two hotels within walking distance! And like ten others around this district in the city!" Roman says, just short of whining because inside the building there are people who recognize him and he does not need them thinking all he does is whine and complain. At least the air conditioning in the lobby is running, offering relief from the horrible ten minute walk he was forced to endure. He does not get how normal people do this, all the time, every day!

"Fourteen, actually. I looked it up this morning and I don’t need your fancy math degree to know that’s a one in twenty-five chance. That’s a non-zero percentage," Remus counters, with that mocking tone that borders on awe because even after all this time he can’t imagine how Roman had gone from center stage to knee deep in calculus problems, willingly. He’d only made the mistake of asking Roman once, and since then both of them pretend that Roman had always dreamed of solving differentials. 

“It will take hours to find something that’s close to your apartment,” Roman says instead.

“At least you’ll be alive,” Remus says.

“Fine, fine….are you still wearing those dog tags?”

Remus makes an affirmative noise and Roman sighs. They had been polished relics of their childhood: something their parents had insisted that they have at all times for emergencies and that Roman and Remus had complained about endlessly. They hadn’t been allowed phones until they were nearly twelve years old because every argument of “we need it for emergencies” was countered by “you have necklaces that allow you to travel miles in a handful of inches”.

"And don’t use the elevators at all,” Remus adds. “I’m serious about this. They’re deathtraps in a fire. I’ll come over there and hide all your mascara.”

"Yeah, yeah," Roman stifles a yawn. "And if something happens, meet at that ugly gas station at the state border between us, don’t tell anyone where we are going, and don’t accept any rides from strangers."

"Don’t make me sound like Mom."

"Nag me a little less."

"Bitch."

"Dick."

"Dork."

"Geek."

"Loser."

"Dumbass," Roman says, far more affectionately than he meant it to come out as, and so he clears his throat quickly and he heads towards the elevator. “I’m hanging up now. Remember to eat something and I’ll see you in two days.”

“Two days? What’s.... ah, fuck me,” Remus says. There’s a loud creak of leather and Roman imagines Remus throwing all his weight back in his chair and staring at the ceiling as if he’s personally challenging fate itself. He breathes out heavily in a way that ironically mirrors how Roman’s own bones feel at the realization.

“Another year,” he says.

((He does not ask if Roman ever thinks it will get easier to bear. Roman does not answer him that no it probably won’t ever. It doesn’t make either of them feel better.))

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Roman says, forcibly shoving away the deary aura that descended on them as easily as he could. If he takes a breath and swallows away the lump in his throat he could pretend that they were talking about visiting each other for a birthday celebration.

He might not ever get to be an actor, but he’d always had a passion for acting. Is it any wonder? When he’s playing a part, he can shed the skin of a no-named nobody from somewhere so remote no one thinks it's a real place, and he can be someone with a name standing on center stage.

Roman breathes out so heavily that he almost misses Remus’s quick response.

“I already attempted to swan dive off the roof into a spoon today,” his twin says, flippantly. “Bruised my eye and split my lip and probably broke my collar bone.”

“Wait, what—” 

“Later, Prince Charmless.”

“Remus, you did what?!”

But by then he’s talking to the end call screen on his phone, staring into the picture of the flaming dumpster that he used as a profile picture for his idiot brother, with his heart racing. Logically, he knows that Remus is joking.

Probably.

Uh, maybe? 

Roman suddenly remembers a lot of leaping off the backyard shed until Dad came out screaming at them red in the face with worry, followed by tag games that ended with a leap through a window wrong and three hours worth of sitting still to get the glass shards pulled out of his arms, and then racing through the upstairs hall to jump the stair railing into the strategically placed hand mirror to make it to school on time.

In all honesty, Roman bets that Remus did try it, as part of a morning routine that their parents hadn’t been able to beg out of him. One would think the first time the jagged edges of a break had shredded his skin, Remus would have learned to be more careful, but somehow it seemed that Remus had fallen in love with webbed cracks in his mirror.

Roman sighs, placing his phone into his pocket. And then he presses the elevator button and leans against the wall next to the panel to take off his shoe and look for that stupid rock again. 

His keys jangle in his other hand, annoyingly loud in the otherwise still entrance alcove. It’s times like these that he can appreciate that most of his neighbors dislike the other people in the building and therefore make extra effort to not be caught outside.

The only person Roman really ever has to worry about is the guy on the third floor who he thinks might be a weed dealer and is constantly hinting at giving Roman a first time discount. Great guy, really! He just always manages to catch Roman right next to a reflective surface. It’s pure coincidence that he hasn’t noticed yet.

The elevator dings and the doors roll open with a gentle rumble that does not betray any of the unreliability of its innerworkings. Every other week it’s out of order and Roman’s pretty sure at least 80% of the building has complained to the owners about it, but the solutions never last more than another few days.

Roman doesn’t even usually take the elevator! But the walk was long, and he lives on the top floor, and serial arsonists aren’t going to set fire to his apartment building in the two minutes it will take to get to his floor. 

It’s fine.

Roman slides on his shoe and hobbles into the elevator, breathing in the musty stench that smells like it’s coming from the corpses that might be buried under the building. Part of Roman entertains the idea that ghosts haunt only the elevator, sadly floating around and gaining their small enjoyments from watching people get stuck in between floors when it inevitably breaks.

Roman hasn’t done anything to annoy the spirits recently, at least to his knowledge, so he should be okay. 

He leans back against the railing just in case though.

It takes another long moment for the elevators to start closing again; definitely long enough that Roman gets the impression that he shouldn’t have gotten on at all. The longer it stays open the more likely it is for someone else to suddenly show up and want to get on as well. There are only about three things Roman can think of that are worse than being in an enclosed space, with a stranger, while his compact mirror is MIA. 

Last time something like that happened, the other person got agitated enough that Roman had seriously thought they were going to attack him. Roman knows he’s unsettling to be around; it’s not simple to catch what is off about him at first, but most human brains can pick up that something is distinctly wrong. Knowing something’s wrong with a situation, but not being sure what and being trapped in a small compartment without a sure way to defend yourself? Yeah that’s a recipe for disaster. 

Across the alcove, the door to the stairwell opens just in time for Roman’s heart to leap right into his throat: his brain screaming that oh hey! People to join you inside your small box that Remus just told you not to get into! Even when it wouldn’t make any sense to go down the stairs just to take the elevator back up.

There’s three of them, all dressed in the very uniform pest control jumpsuits that make Roman’s insides shrivel slightly. He’d been meticulous about keeping his apartment clean and if he saw a single cockroach, Roman would be turning into the next arsonist, no other incitations required.

They’re all carrying various equipment items: a thick duffle back with the pest control logo (an ant ironically burning under a magnifying glass), a bulky backpack that nearly doesn’t fit through the doorway, and a thick leather briefcase that seems out of place. The first guy is saying something in a language Roman doesn’t recognize, with a smile on his face that is very charming, despite him being at least a decade older than Roman, as he holds the door open for the others. The second rolls her eyes, tugging the brim of her hat lower over her head.

The third has a scar from running from the middle of his left cheek all the way down his face to his neck in a way that barely seems more than a few months healed. When he makes direct eye contact with Roman, the man’s thin lips twisting into a grin, like he knows how fast Roman’s heart is beating at the sight of him. He waves and Roman catches sight of a cheap industrial bike lock in his other hand.

Please please please, don’t suddenly realize that needs to go back upstairs, please don’t get in here, pleasedonotcomecloser—

But in the end the doors close fitfully, locking out that man and his smile and his friends, and Roman sags against the railing. He presses a hand to his chest trying to regulate his panicked heartbeast back to something manageable and sustainable. 

Say what you will about Remus, but he knows best how to make Roman paranoid for the rest of the day.

The gears shudder, and the mechanical whirl of the elevator fills the whole area as it begins its ascent. Roman pulls out his phone again, swiping through the notifications that he accrued during the walk. A few responses to his Snap Chats streaks, three emails (two junk and one from a classmate asking about studying together for the test, which would be great, if Roman hadn’t already turned her down twice), a reminder to play one of his mindless phone games, and something must have happened in the group chat he has on instagram with a few other Math majors. Roman double taps the notification and swipes in his passcode (it’s an R, it’s always been an R. Remus has been able to hack into his phone since they were eleven, but Roman is horribly, secretly afraid that if he changes it now, he’ll forget it by tomorrow). 

The elevator shudders. 

And somewhere, distantly, Roman thinks he smells smoke.

[Next Chapter? Find it on Ao3 now!]

[restrainedhungr]

Alright so thoughts on Arcane so far season 2 I'll list what I enjoy of each character ect and themes

Caitlyn

I love this story. I mean my heart breaks for her, more so when we see just how low she is willing to go. She is conscious of it as well which makes it all the worse and i love how it shows just how at first its *so easy* to fall into hatred, but by the time you know how far you've gone its harder and harder to justify each action, but by then you've taken so many "easy steps" how does one go back?

i love that a hero in our eyes can turn like this, i love their morals and caitlyn's when she at first held so much hope for zaun and promise only to fall into the same hatred she rediculed others for having. it shows really just the whole "why is violence always justified with peace" angle, but she still cant find herself to break from it.

and the introspection and just analysis you could have with someone like this. so complex who is allowed to change, not just for the "Good" but we get to see her fall to her lowest point, not literally like Vi who mind you is like, arguably hella a lot worse off, but that "rock bottoms" come in different forms and how we cope with grief and lost love

I hope with what she did for vander comes back for the better, and shows us that its *easier* to do the right thing even if in the short term its hard. its hard to go back on what you did, but in the long run its easier to be true to yourself and do good than the continued piling and justifications one needs for harmful actions.

Violet

going to be honest, watching her fall was hard. because while i havent fallen into alcoholism i did feel myself fall into a depression that felt so similar to what vi had gone through and i think they pictured it so well. the harmful cycles of abuse, how she is unable to cope with more and more loss.

Vi is where Jinx was at the end of season 1 when she dyes her hair black ect. I love the paralells that Jinx throws herself into tinkering, inventing, to harm ofc but also because they're fun, explosions can be pretty, and she's trying to make something new.

While Vi's coping is literally hurting people. literally punching and beating up people on a much more personal-level than what Jinx was doing helping Silco or doing what he had wanted of her. Vi's struggling like Jinx, but she's much more of someone who needs to Act, while Jinx, like it or not is someone who wants to "Fix". she has to "fix it" and i love the paralells and differences that show their way of mourning truly like mourning and showing grief over everything that's happened

and how Vi can lose hope, but Jinx, surprisingly, doesn't.

Jinx

I'm not entirely sure how to feel about Jinx this season so far.

Genuinely I love her, i love her as a big sister, i love her getting the groove she needs and even staying in touch with Sevika where the two find some very interesting like, familial connection. I understand why Vi and her re-connecting was good with Vander and being a big family, but I low-key wanted to see Sevika step up to almost a big sister role for Jinx since despite everything Sevika stayed, she doesn't rat out jinx, and still comes to check on her and tell her about important things.

but i get why they can't happen whatever, i just lowkey wish jinx did acknowledge that more, which I KNOW SHE DID MAKING HER A NEW ARM BUT STILL. Jinx feels like she's facing her first possible "Relapse" after building this happy life and its so interseting to see it?

but i also lowkey worry th estory will do the "oh a kid solved her problems" angle with Isha, which is why im actually really glad that Isha wanted Jinx to do more, and pushed her to "better". I love how Jinx is doing GENUINE REFLECTION ON HERSELF NOW bcause she can recognize how like, "Was this what silco was like with me?" when looking at isha, i love that.

she shows so much subtle growth, but i do worry its a "this single person fixed everything cuz now i have the best sister ever" angle when im always hesitant on that. it just feels like more bad coping mechnaisms but again episode 7 im sure will handle that with the big relapse and isha maybe dying. i say maybe cuz there's hints she might be ok but still

i love that Jinx found her way to be happy, she genuinely likes hanging out with kids and can grow up to be the adult she wanted to be and the one the world needs if she is given the right support and help. i think while Jinx feels less important? this season? more her symbol means a lot but her as an individual feels like we have gotten a bit less focus on her (fair tho so much is happening) i think they do a good job of showing like, recovery means stepping away from it all, but the world unfortuantely doesnt stop turning and you need to find a way to balance recovery and health and ensuring the next generation (isha) can also be happy. and i think that's what jinx is also leading up to? maybe???

sure shes still crazy, explosions fun fun insanity, but i can see the progression now of her caring more for zaun than i did at the beginning of the season when ppl tried to make her a martyr. cuz im sorry i didnt see it- i didnt see Jinx really caring that much about the broad zaun stuff and only caring cuz Silco cared about it, but shes coming to the realization how important it actually is

and how possible it is. since vander had come back, it is possible to rebuild a family, even if it isn't the same like how it started. i think that's beautiful so far.

Viktor

i enjoy him. I enjoy the cult-like aspect of the arcane he was touched by. I made jokes about how it's really creepy and disturbing last night but genuinely i do love this idea

because we are told the arcane corruption or rot or whatever is "chaos" by viktor but to me we don't see much of a difference between them outside of the catalyst for the "rot" and purification to exist.

To me Viktor without really saying it blatantly shows there's a duality to chaos and order, and there will never be a happiness unless one finds a balance between them. The beast in Vander will exist regardless of anything, hatred will always exist in humans, but with hatred comes peace, and peace hatred. He is the embodiment of order, but Jayce unfortuantely becomes that chaos, the other side of his coin.

I enjoy the fact the series doesn't 100% put a definite stance on if this was the "Right" thing or not, the whole cult thing and community. Because the thing is: im not against these things.

Yeah, tbh, communities and stuff like that i dont think are inherantly evil. It's only evil when it becomes a concern of how much free will someone has. To my knowledge, like we see with Vander? and some other people, they have free will to change and be who they want but choose to stay.

Sure they are kind of, feeling indebted to Viktor for saving them as anyone probably would be, but he doesnt seem like t ome that he demands that kind of sovernty. His mission is healing above all else. He allows *anyone* to join no matter their intention or if they LITERALLY ARE WALKING UP WITH WEAPONS IN HANDS he still accepts them all the same.

i made the joke about how he's "cooler jesus" but genuinely kinda is. because he does create paradise, a paradise anyone can be allowed to enter as long as they dont result to violence. unfotuantely violence is something in humans, its in nature itself and that's where Viktor's community fails. They don't entirely learn how to balance it. They learned how to perfect the connection between one another in a positive sense

but they dont understand or seek out how those connections can be formed in more than just "healing" which i think is very funny when considering the first people he healed, were a collection of people who banded together in the most negative way. instead of growing to learn and understand it, he simply "fixed" it. and that "fixing it" won't ever "cure" the real problem. and maybe something to be reflected in our main vi and jinx too

i love Viktor's whole thing tho. i am sad he's fully dead, there's a lot to say about places like this that do genuine good for people and are unproblematic? Because tbh imo we literally see no real issue with his community outside the questionable free will they have, but since vander was never "Taken over" by Viktor to my knoweldge the way he did with Salo (which btw happy for that, i hated that guy tbh he needed a personality rework to stop being a cunt. IM SORRY I GENUINELY. HE'S SO INFURATING BEFORE THIS) that Viktor does allow those he healed to still leave his commune. which is powerful, but it also exposes the mto te chaos they never learned how to manage, only "cure"

[certifiedbitch777]

Don't Touch My Hair... I MEANT IT!!!

Entry Date: 1/18/2024 11:03 pm

Today's topic is 'Don't Touch My Hair,' and I mean it quite literally. I am tired.

Tired.

Tired.

I'm so tired of this shit, and I want to cry and scream and more.

My hair is something I've struggled with since I was a kid. It's a very sore spot. When asked what their ideal hair would be growing up, most girls would point out things such as a difference in texture, thicker hair, or even extra length. For me, it sucked because I didn't have any of the desired traits.

My hair was a lot different than my siblings. Their hair was much fuller than mine. My hair is low density, aka it's hella thin... Man, is it really thin. Reflecting on what I know about my hair now, my hair also has low porosity, while my siblings seemed to have medium porosity.

My mother struggled to plant the proper seeds to make my hair grow and be healthy. She didn't know how to take care of hair like mine. With my siblings having thicker and much more resilient hair, it was no reason why their hair seemed to flourish in different settings; meanwhile, mine would break off at the most minor inconvenience.

For the majority of my life, I grew up with short hair and even went through the phase in middle school of lying about my length so that I wouldn't be ridiculed. I would go to extreme lengths to manipulate my hair in a particular way to feel more feminine and aligned with the beauty standards. None of that would be able to erase the many years of humiliation I would feel from my peers or even my external family (grandma, aunties, etc.). It was like a running joke...

I felt so ugly for many years, but I still held the idea that my beauty was tied to how my hair looked. Even now, in my early 20s approaching my mid-20s, I still struggle with this. I struggle with prioritizing my physical appearance, though I know the beauty within is what counts the most. And trust, I do focus on building my internal world and shifting the harmful internal dialogue, but it's just so hard when the world is built on all superficial matters.

I've won over certain battles that I faced regarding the beauty standard. For example, I have big boobs. Big boobs, by nature, sag due to gravity, skin elasticity, genetics, and so many more factors. I thought something was wrong with me during my teen years. I mean, why the hell was my boobs frowning if I didn't even birth any children?? But the older I got, the less I started to care. Shit neither does my partner, so I just learned to embrace this difference within myself. But when it comes to my hair... it's the battle I'm struggling to win over the most.

I shaved my hair in the summer of 2022. It is now January 2024, and I'm still baldheaded.

Granted, the past year, for me, has been highly stressful. I suffered hair loss due to stress from work, my weight was fluctuating, and my health over was in the gutter. Due to this, I started balding in random spots. However, it's been MONTHS since I stopped balding, and my hair is not even 5 inches...

It makes me feel so ugly.

So masculine.

I mean, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and since we've dated, I've been taking care of his hair. His hair is now mid-back length, drastically different from his mini afro. And yet, here I am, his girl, with shorter hair. It just makes me feel so undesirable. I feel the need to wear a full face of makeup every time my hair is out. That is just utter bullshit!

I'M JUST SO FUCKING TIRED!!

And I'm so hurt.

This never-ending battle with my feminity tied to something as trivial as my hair is draining me. If anybody asked me if I was over all of my hair struggles that summer of 2022 before I shaved it, I would've said yes!! But I'm clearly not and don't know what to do.

Outside of being overpriced for simple services, these new-age stylists LOVE adding a pile of product, mostly thick gel, to our hair and straightening it for basic styles... How are these styles being labeled protective??? My hair just simply won't thrive in those conditions.

And what sucks is I love styles such as mini braids or twists, but hair is such a low density, I end up looking like Cynthia from rug rats LMFAOO. Just 3 goddamn braids on my hair.

I want to know how do I feel pretty with my hair in its current state. That's the question no one knows how to answer, and I don't expect them to. The answer should come from me and only me, but this battle just feels so lonely...

[the1975attheirverybest]

A Theatrical Performance of An Intimate Moment

A/N: okay, so, this isn’t exactly fanfiction, lol. It’s simply me rambling on about my thoughts on atpoaim. I’ve been seduced by the series and I can’t help myself. I also just wanted to use it as a thinking exercise to reflect on where the band is at, what they’re currently doing artistically, etc. So, I totally understand if you decide to skip reading it. But I would love for this to be an opportunity for those who are interested to share their thoughts as well. It’s basically a bunch of questions I’m wondering about! So come talk to me about it if you’d like cuz I’m a nerd for this kind of thing!

Warnings: hella pretentious. I’m a PhD student in English Literature. Pretentious is my middle name.

The Title: the series title presents us with our first paradox. How can something intimate become theatrical, let alone a performance? Intimacy usually implies authenticity, genuineness, connection. Whereas theatricality is often associated with artifice and drama. The 1975 attempt to bring the two together, but is that even possible? Also, how is labeling this series as a “theatrical performance of an intimate moment,” change our perception of it? Like, is it different from watching a vlog? If Matty had announced this as a “behind the scenes document-series” or a “day in my life” we wouldn’t have the same level of distance and suspicion of what we are seeing on screen as we do now. What’s the purpose of creating that kind of experience for the audience?

The cinematography: the way that it’s filmed does two primary things for me: first, it emphasizes artificiality, I.e. constantly reminds us that this is a curated piece of media, edited in such a way that presents us with only PART of the truth (which, again, creates tension with this idea of ‘intimacy’). Through the black-and-white aesthetic that it’s referencing and using, through the humor, through the way that it’s cut and edited. So, what’s it saying to us? That Matty has to perform a certain version of himself to the cameras? If so, why do it at all? What is this series trying to accomplish?

The Performance: while I think that Matty is, here, building on the themes of BFIAFL, he seems to also be interested in exploring larger questions about art/ identity. We could see this as an extension of the mission of ATVB. His onstage persona shares some similar characteristics with the atpoaim series. He’s exaggerating, performing, pretending to be a version of himself to critique certain aspects of culture, consumption, our relationship with art and entertainment. It’s one thing to do so onstage as part of the gig because it offers us a “frame” to view the music/ concert experience. It’s another thing entirely to extend this into his personal life. What’s he saying about identity? That when get so used to performing a version of yourself to the world, it gets so stuck with you that you can’t quite shake it off even when you are alone? That he is constantly trying to mediate between his “real” self and a version of himself that he strives to be? And, of course, the age-old question: if he’s performing all the damn time, doesn’t that performance, at some point, BECOME the real him?

The Time Line: just a quick note that, in typical post-modernist fashion, the series is non-linear in terms of time. It seemed like the first episode was pre-SNL. And it dropped right before SNL so it made sense. Created this illusion of immediacy. We’re seeing things “in real time” if you will. BUT episode two was kind of vague. We see him watching SNL at on screen, so clearly it’s supposed to be AFTER, right? Except that mirror scene might suggest otherwise. He’s practicing “thinkin’ this through” so it might be that he’s preparing to do SNL? Or it could be a clip from episode 1’s mirror scene that is inserted into episode 2. Meaning, it actually happened BEFORE we got to see it. Of course, he’s picking up on the fan jokes that he said “finkin this frue” on SNL, so he’s reacting to something that happened AFTER. Also, as this anon has pointed out, it’s in the context of wiping the mirror, and perhaps suggesting that he’s perfecting an exterior version of himself/ working out flaws.

The Episodes: the first one seems to be primarily about establishing expectations with the audience while the second one is about undermining/ ruining those expectations. Ep 1 gives us the sense that we are getting a glimpse of what Matty is ‘really like’ behind the scenes as he goes about doing mundane things that we all do in life. We might not all be stopped on the street for selfies, but we all have to perform a certain version of ourselves for the world. Ep. 2 on the other hand, highlights the difference between performance and reality when Matty gets caught up in the celebrity status and does ridiculous things such as hide in a suitcase, etc. the definition of “taking the piss” lmao. Also, I couldn’t help but note the ending of episode 2 where Matty meets with an artist who does the same thing but to a ridiculous extent. They have that debate about “what’s more important? Art or people?” Matty seems to come down firmly on the side of people. Is this his ethos, so to speak? Is this a reaction to the way he’s publicly perceived and criticized? Is this him saying that art has limits? If so, what do these limits mean to him as an artist? And how does the fact that this conversation is, in itself, happening INSIDE a piece of art affect its meaning. Like, is that also a performance? Is the conversation about art also art? What’s he trying to say?

That’s all for now….LET ME KNOW WHAT YALL THINK, IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON ANY OF THIS / HOW YOU INTERPRET THE SERIES!!!

[dailyunstableeve]

Haunted

Chapter Five

Miguel O'Hara x Fem!reader

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .

Lights shining on you, you could see them through your eyelids. Two finger force opens your eyelid and a bright light shines on you, it's too bright that you just jolted up, the people around were scared that they stepped a few back.

"What?" You tried to catch your breath, thinking back what happened.

Didn't you fall off the stairs?

A building that's on fire caught your full attention, it's the building you live at.

"What happened?" You asked the first person you saw.

"You were saved by a man, but then he disappeared," the medical staff said, "well, you're safe now Miss, take a rest, if you still feel any dizziness, do tell us," then the medical staff left you.

"You're awake Miss Y/N," it's the old man.

"You're safe," you let out a breath that the old man made out alive as well.

"He saved you," the old man looked at you.

"What do you mean?"

"He saved you, Miguel."

Miguel?

"How is that possible?" You asked.

"Maybe love is what makes it happen," the old man chuckled, "he has that worry on his face when he carries you out from the building, everyone was shocked."

"Where is he?"

"He's gone," the old man held your hand and slowly patted it, "I was able to talk to him a little, he has used all his strength to carry you out, maybe he has moved on, by saving the one he loves the most."

"What?" you couldn't believe what you're listening to at the moment, "no, no, this can't be!"

You just promised him that you wanted to give it a try, to live a life with him.

"You need to find your way to wake up as well Y/N," the old man looked at you for the last time and walked away, not even turning back even when you called out to him.

Miguel.

Your heart ached.

You cried for a long while, only then remember what the old man told you.

What does he mean by wake up?

There's no wake up for you at the moment because you feel hella exhausted, your home is burned, you don't have a place to return to, except your parents.

"It should be time as well, I call it a holiday," you went around to ask for a phone so you could call your boss and your parents.

★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★

"Papa, mama, I'm home," you called, finding no one at home at all, maybe they are out.

You left the "whatever survived the fire" stuff in your old room, it still stays the same, the classic teenager bedroom, where poster and pictures are everywhere on the wall, your favorite silk laces curtain, it doesn't block much of the sunlight but you love how the light reflected in your room, you closet that filled with short tank tops and some sweater because you packed all your sweater and hoodie with you but now only a few survive the fire. And your plushies, your mom must've helped you keep them clean, they still look like the day you left your home for work.

You laid down on your bed, for some reason the bed seems smaller, or maybe you've been sleeping in king size that you forgot what your double single bed feels like.

You dozed off in your cozy room, the feeling of nostalgia made you feel safe that you've returned to your safe haven.

"Mi cariño."

"My love," it's you, you lean forward toward the man and give him a kiss, "can you help me with the meat? The bones are too hard to chop off."

"Sure, anything for Mi precioso," the man kissed your cheek.

You took a few steps closer to see the man's face, you couldn't believe it when you finally saw it clearly.

It's Miguel.

"Are you ready for our anniversary?" You asked.

"Of course, I have everything planned well, it's going to be the best, and you'll be the luckiest and happiest girl in the world," Miguel put down the knife and led forward to give you another kiss.

"Miguel," you chuckled, "you need to get the meat chopped or else we are not eating dinner before 7."

Miguel gave you another kiss and went back to the chopping board.

"Sweetie Y/N, dinner's ready," it's your mom, she gently shakes you awake with her calm voice and beautiful smile.

"Mama," you mumbled, still trying to process the dream and your mom in front of you.

You got off your bed and went downstairs to the dining room with your mom, dad is placing down the plates and utensils.

"Hello princess," dad smiled.

"Hi papa, I'm home," you kissed your dad's cheek.

"Welcome home sweetie, I'm glad you survived the fire," your mom hugged you.

"Yeah," you answered, thinking back how you actually made it out.

Because Miguel saved you. If it wasn't Miguel, you'd probably be pretty much dead now.

After the meal you went outside to your favorite swing when you were a kid, your dad made it for you, it has become a distress activity for you when you're a teenager, even now.

The stars covered the night sky, you wondered which one would be Miguel, since in many movies you watched, they always say dead people would become stars in the sky.

"What's on your pretty mind?" Your dad walked up to you as he covered you with his jacket, "it's getting chilly, you gotta have to look after yourself."

"Papa, have you ever seen a ghost before?"

"I afraid no."

"I've met one," you continued staring at the night sky, "he was kind, he looked after me like how you did, he always made the apartment don't feel lonely."

"He sounds like a good ghost."

"Yeah he is," your tears slowly row down your face, "but I think I won't be seeing him anymore."

"You will see him again, someday, somewhere," your dad kisses your head and asks you to go back in the house.

"Oh the magic show is so cool!" You cheered, clinging onto Miguel's arm.

"I'm glad you love it, Mi Amor," Miguel smiled.

"The way he chopped himself in half and then teleported to another location is so sick!"

Miguel just chuckled and gave you a kiss. You and Miguel got in the car and drove back home.

On the way back, the road is dark, the only light is from the car, but Miguel has driven down this road many times so you trusted him and decided to hum along with the music that's playing on the radio.

When you look at the dark road, you see a deer standing in the middle of it, which freaks you out. Miguel turned the car to avoid the deer but instead, he drove off the road, leading to a car crash.

And your vision is all blurred, leaving a voice calling out your name like when you fall off the stairs.

"Miguel!" You jolted up from your bed, looking around, then only remembered you're in your parent's house at the moment. The sunlight is shining through your curtain just like it always has been but this time, the only thing you can ever think of is how Miguel looks when the sunlight shines on him, just like the first time you see it, it's gorgeous.

You miss Miguel, it's getting more lonely when Miguel is not with you.

°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .•°:. *₊ ° . ° .

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[coldresolve]

let me start this off with i hella respect you and love your art/stories, but all this discussion about torture got me thinking too and i definitely dont wanna come across the wrong way, i agree with you on many points, but i just dont think its that deep.

cause honestly ive been writing torture since i was like 11 so i know its not that serious. not for most people. i get that it could come across the "wrong way" but like... most people literally do not think about this. that being said, ive never written torture in an interrogation setting when it WORKED (i did write interrogation but actually never worked cause then i would have had to stop writing the torture, and, you know, thats what i wanted to write, so the person being tortured never "break").

i wrote (and am writing) torture because i, personally, enjoy it (and get off to it). my characters (the torturers/captors etc) are doing it mostly out of sheer enjoyment/passion. they dont try to get info, dont try to get their victims to be obedient, dont try to brainwash, none of that. i just write what makes ME feel GOOD. i never ever thought about "how would this affect people" or "what deeper meaning does it have", cause, frankly, it doesnt have a deeper meaning for me, all it means is "mmmm torture, i love it".

i. just. enjoy. it. that simple!!

and while im not a fan of the "whump community", i believe lots of people there think like me, in the sense that they just want to write what they enjoy without thinking about it. reflecting to what the other anon said.. like yeah they say it's "fiction only", and it "could be interpreted as torture apologia" (a term i havent even heard before you talked about it), but it really is just that.

it might sound "bad" or "ignorant" but most people dont go digging for info or research studies before they go writing, and that's alright, most people write FOR FUN. as a hobby. not trying to think too hard about things, you know, just let out their thoughts, frustrations, emotions, all that shit. can it come across as ignorant? probably! but at the end of the day, it's just people writing for the sake of writing.

i really, REALLY respect you and your story and how much thought and research goes into it. i dont read all that "whump" shit, im mostly "in the community" for the art and pictures. your story was the only one that captivated me, and it's not for no reason. i WISH i could write the way you do. but... most people wont ever do all that for writing, for something they just do on their freetime as a hobby.

and believe me, ive been writing for 15+ years now. all that time its only ever been a hobby, ive never done research, i do it when i feel good, to feel good. and im not planning to release. most of these people on tumblr, in the "whump community", they dont plan on releasing. they just sharing their little stories with each other. as far as i can tell, there is no harm in it like you say in harry potter or batman, all that. these little stories wont make it out to the public. and im sure most people who write dont even upload their writing! (me included, hahaha.)

just saying. its not that deep:) keep doing you because you and your story is AMAZING, but just dont give too much time of your day to all these random "whump writers" who write shit you wouldnt wanna read anyways:))

serious here if you're this far gone in wilful ignorance i think i would like you to stop reading my content. i mean this genuinely. people like you are not part of the audience i wanna build ykwim