#the brain fog is bad tonight but i am so so lucky to have them to help me out

[mrs-snape5984]

“There is a light and it never goes out…”

“Take me out tonight. Oh, take me anywhere, I don't care, I don’t care, I don’t care…” (“There’s a light that never goes out” by The Smiths)

Overstimulation. Disorientation. Light sensitivity. Chronic pain. Fatigue. These are only a few of those symptoms, which are torturing me day in and day out for the past two years, already. Due to them, caused by a disease, that is called “Myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome” (ME/CFS), I’m currently forced to live a life within the strict confines of my dark and silent room, mostly enduring my daily existence in solitude.

I miss being a part of this world….and fuck, I miss being a part of other people’s lives! Living like this makes me feel like an old piece of furniture, which has been stored away in a hidden chamber…not worthy enough to be used or seen by anyone, and yet still not bad enough to be discarded.

Some months ago, two wonderful people started taking me out to see their worlds by sending me pictures and videos of the places, they’re heading to. Thanks to them, I’m allowed to get a glimpse of places, I’ve always dreamed of being able to explore them on my own.

Furthermore, something else became apparent whenever one of these precious gems of human nature took me with them: I wasn’t just carried around in their phones, but they carried me in their hearts. This realisation blew my mind! It’s not only me, who’s clinging to them as if they’re my lifelines…no, this little German mess, that I am, became important to these people, too! Words can’t express how grateful I am for our connections…and that I was also lucky enough to find true love in this bond (I love you, R. 🖤).

One of those amazing people is my beloved sister in Christ @vulnus-sanare, who will soon come to visit me in my small world. Finally, I’ll be the one, who can show her the beauty of the tiniest things in my environment…always surrounded by the securing gloominess of the nights. Magda, my heart, I’m going to introduce you to the stars above my town, to the soothing sounds of the Moselle River right next to my house and I hope, we will manage to experience the mesmerising dance of the bats in the vineyards, if we take my wheelchair with us. I can’t wait to have you here and pull you into the tightest of all embraces, sweetie!

I’ve commissioned my dear friend @snake-queen7 to create this breathtaking piece of art of Severus and my undeniably self-inserted OC Jules on a nocturnal walk through the vineyards behind my house. Before I caught ME/CFS, I used to enjoy these nightly strolls in order to watch the bats with my children, so I sent her a photo of the exact spot, I want to share with Magda. Since it was Severus and Snapedom, which brought us together, it’s only fair to bring our beloved dungeon bat to this special place as well.

My friend, I’m more than happy with the outcome of your artwork and it’s a pleasure to share it with all those lovely people of our Snapedom. Please take my apologies for taking so long to write this post, but I wanted to honour your work the way, it deserves to be honoured. For this reason, I had to wait patiently for a moment, when my brain wouldn’t refuse me to do its job (brain fog is such a pain in the ass!). Thank you for everything, Natalia! 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[waveridden]

FIC: dream me, o dreamer

The werewolf transformations… are not easy. This is the kind of thing that goes without saying. (An Evil Campaign monster AU, implied Blue/Zero, 1.4k)

AUcember || title lyric || read on ao3

#

Aava stops by the morning of the full moon with a black lace parasol, which is the most laughably ineffective sunshade that Zero has ever seen in his life. The shadows on the front step are weird, lacy shapes. If he looks close enough it looks like they’re moving, which might be a trick of the mind. It also might be Aava’s magic.

“This should be enough to get you through tonight.” She holds out a thermos. “And I left out the garlic this time.”

“Blue will appreciate that,” Zero mutters. The last time Aava put garlic in his full moon draught, Blue hadn’t been in a room with him for about three days, and he’d been pissed for a week afterwards. He takes the thermos - the glittery neon pink thermos. “Branching out in home decor?”

“It’s a long story,” Aava says. This could mean about half a dozen things, but Zero is distracted from all of them by the fact that the lace shadows on her face are definitely changing. It’s like the lace is… writhing. It’s very unsettling. “Let me know how this batch works, I tried something different.”

Zero pops the lid of the thermos open and sniffs it. It doesn’t smell like garlic, which is promising, but the garlic batch hadn’t smelled like garlic either. “Different how?”

“There are a couple ingredients that are supposed to heighten mental abilities.”

“So I might not just be a wolf?” He tilts the thermos from side to side, watching the sludge roll around inside of it. It’s fucking gross to look at, but he’s going to drink it. He always does. “You’d better not be messing with me.”

“It might not work.” Aava looks uncharacteristically serious. “I need you to understand, this is something new. If there are side effects, I need you to tell me right away.”

“How soon is right away?”

“Depends on how bad the side effects are.”

Zero looks back into the thermos. The sludge is definitely a little browner than normal. “Should I warn Blue?”

“I already did,” Aava says, which is surprising. Even without the garlic incident, Aava and Blue have never got along. Zero didn’t realize they had each other’s phone numbers. Or were capable of talking to each other without him there to intervene.

He sniffs the sludge again. “Is it going to be that bad?”

“Hopefully not.” Aava offers him the sliver of a smile, but he can see something grim in her eyes. “And it’s not too late to get a normal batch, if you’d rather not risk it.”

“Nah, what’s life without a little bit of experimentation?” Zero takes a tentative sip, ignoring the noise of protest Aava makes. The sludge is still earthy, but this time it’s also a little… perfumey. “Are there flowers in this?”

“There are flowers in all of them.”

“It tastes like flowers.”

“All of them taste like flowers,” Aava sighs. The lace has shifted so that the top half of her face is almost completely in shadow, with only the thinnest lines spider-webbing down her cheeks. “I have to go, I have other errands to run. Give Blue my worst.”

“I will when he wakes up.”

Aava grins slyly. “Late night?”

“I took away his caffeine and made him sleep, because full moons are worse when I have to deal with that.”

She laughs out loud. “Can you tell the difference?”

“I can when I’m cognizant.” And it’s true: when he’s not in full-on animal mode, Blue tends to be twitchier when he’s fully caffeinated. Zero can’t detox him, obviously - the only thing other than blood that Blue drinks these days tends to be espresso - but he can at least delay the inevitable caffeine high. It makes a difference, maybe not in Blue’s actual behavior but in how willing Zero is to deal with him.

“Good luck,” Aava says sincerely. And he knows she means it. That’s why she makes him the draught so the transformations don’t hurt so much, so he’s a little less wild, so he feels like he has some control over the whole thing.

“Thank you,” Zero says quietly. It’s not something he says enough, but Aava smiles at him like she understands everything he has to thank her for. She probably does. “Hopefully I won’t see you tonight.”

“Hopefully not,” she agrees, and leaves. The shadows from the parasol remain on the doorstep, wriggling indeterminately before fading away. Zero closes the door. He doesn’t know what the lace thing is all about, but he doesn’t want anything Aava left behind to wriggle into his home.

#

The werewolf transformations… are not easy.

This is the kind of thing that goes without saying. There is a certain type of monsterhood that is inherently difficult. Zero has to keep careful track of the moon, and what that does to him. Blue can’t go outside most hours of the day, and he has all but banned garlic from the house. Aava has all sorts of blood pacts and secret commitments that Zero is, frankly, afraid to ask about in detail. With great power comes great responsibility, sure, and that responsibility comes at the price of power.

And Zero is powerful. Oh, is he ever powerful.

The transformations, though, those have always been hard. They hurt. They hurt more before Aava, who has ways of making them easier. They hurt more before Blue, who waited months and years until Zero’s wolf form recognized him and trusted him. Zero’s pretty sure that he tried to maul Blue more than once, but just because the guy is skinny doesn’t mean he’s not tough. The wolf fought Blue, Blue fought right back, and now Blue and the wolf have an understanding.

Zero doesn’t remember what the wolf does, not really. He knows the wolf remembers things and recognizes people - recognizes Blue, mostly - but he only remembers things in flashes. Images, not thoughts. And the wolf doesn’t know what Zero knows. He has learned this the hard way, not just through mauling Blue but through things like knocking furniture over and chewing up shoes. And killing people, which might or might not be the wolf’s idea of giving Blue a gift. He’s not sure on that.

So he’s not sure what to expect when the transformation starts tonight. The sun is already down when the moon starts coming up, so Blue is outside with him in the forest. He brought a book, because of course he did. Fucking typical, Zero thinks as the hair starts growing. He’ll be there for Zero, sure, but he’ll have something to keep him busy while he does it.

But Blue stops reading as soon as the bones start cracking. He’s watching Zero. He always watches. He’s always there. It’s all Zero can think about, as the strange non-scent of vampire floods his senses. It takes a minute to realize when he has transformed fully, because he’s so busy breathing in the scent of… of Blue.

Holy shit. He can still sort of think clearly.

Zero barks. Blue sighs and snaps his book shut. “What is it, boy? Is Timmy stuck in a well?”

Fuck you, Zero would really like to say. He’s stuck growling at Blue, who seems completely unfazed by it. He drops his book into a coat pocket and wanders over to Zero, looking completely unconcerned about the fact that Zero is a giant wolf. Instead, Zero is stuck standing as Blue gets closer, and his whole world becomes his scent and his presence and his footsteps and-

Jesus. Is this what it’s like having a dog brain?

“Bark once if you understand me,” Blue says, and Zero means to bark. He really does. But something stops him. This is maybe going to be his only chance to know what it’s like being a wolf around Blue, how Blue interacts with this other part of him. He can tell Aava that the draught worked without telling Blue that it did.

Blue sighs, not looking particularly disappointed. “Oh well,” he says, and- and raises a hand to scratch Zero’s ear. Zero would protest, but he kind of ends up whining anyways, because what the fuck, it turns out that actually feels really, really good. “Maybe next time. Well, let’s go kill a guy, I’m starving.”

Zero howls, just for the fuck of it. Blue gives him a fanged smile, and not a particularly kind one. “That’s the spirit.”

[wonderlandleighleigh]

could we see one of those instances where midge begs lenny to stay with her because she doesn't feel well :)

He stops by late after one of his shows, because she said she'd be up, and she is, but she looks...

"Hey," he says gently, stepping into the apartment.

Midge takes a breath and does her best to smile. She still looks perfect, wearing a nice dress she obviously wore for dinner, her hair done, her make-up flawless, but there's pain in her eyes, and it's hard to see. "Hi."

"Am I staying tonight?" he asks quietly.

"No," she says abruptly. "No, you don't have to, you worked tonight and you're tired."

Lenny tilts his head at her, gazing at her worriedly.

She swallows. "Everything hurts. I...I barely made it through my day. I used my cane for most of it, and I felt like I practically crawled through the door this afternoon. And then the kids needed to be fed, and Papa had guests over for dinner and..."

"And you're hurting," he says quietly.

It takes a long moment for her to speak up again. "Please stay."

He draws her into his arms, kissing her tenderly, letting her slump against him a little. "Yeah. Let's get you relaxing, huh?"

"The dishes aren't done," she says.

"Fuck the dishes."

"They're almost done, but-"

"Fuck the dishes, Midge," he says soothingly.

She takes a breath and nods, her arms wrapping around him and burrowing in against him.

He follows her back to her bedroom, and closes the door behind them. He helps where she needs him to, getting the zipper on her dress down, helping her unhook her corset, and he drops a kiss on her shoulder, before he slips out of his own suit jacket and tie while she slips into a nightgown.

When she disappears for the bathroom, he digs out the little heating pad near her side of the bed and makes sure it's plugged in and working. Nights seem to be the worst; she's taken the prescribed amount of painkillers for the day, and can't have anymore. He doesn't know where she keeps them (on purpose), and she is rigid in how many she's allowed to have per day.

Lenny imagines he'd pop 'em like candy and just feel weightless forever, but that's not Midge. She prizes her lucidity. Being on heavier medication drove her out of her mind. Incoordination and brain fog just make her feel frustrated.

Which means smaller doses of less heavy shit, which means more lucidity but more pain. The problem being that no one is certain the pain will ever actually go away, so the doctors can say that heavier meds are temporary, but they just don't know.

She comes back in slowly. She hasn't put her hair in curlers, but she did manage to put a little night cream on her face, and when she lays down, she sighs in relief. "Waaaarrrmmmm."

Lenny chuckles a little and sits on the edge of the bed next to her. "Thought it might help."

"Thank you."

"How was your set tonight?" Midge asks, reaching out and taking his hand.

"It went well," Lenny nods. "Sold out the room..."

She smiles proudly. "Of course."

"Almost got arrested, but managed not to get on Officer Peluso's bad side tonight."

"Lucky me," Midge smiles. "And lucky you because I could not have come bail you out when I feel like this, and I would have sent Papa, who...would have shot his mouth off, also got arrested and then I would have had to come bail you both out with my cane."

"I bet the desk sergeant would have been very nice to you," Lenny grins fondly. "What's tomorrow look like? You got time to relax a little?"

"A little," Midge tells him "I'm supposed to meet Susie for lunch at the Stage Deli."

"She could come here," Lenny points out.

"She doesn't like coming all the way here," Midge argues lightly.

"She'd make an exception if you're not feeling well," he points out, gently playing with her fingers.

It's clear she's thinking of arguing with him, but she doesn't, just taking a breath. "I'll see how I feel in the morning."

He nods, satisfied with the compromise, and they stay there in the silence of the room for a long time, Midge's eyes drifting shut, her body finally relaxing a little into the heating pad and the comfortable bed.

"Don't go, okay?" she says.

"I'm not," he promises. "Gimme a minute." He kicks off his shoes and then climbs over her onto the bed, laying next to her, and she carefully rolls over to curl in against him. Her skin is warm and her weight feels good against him. Right, settled there with her head on his shoulder.

He gazes up at the ceiling and lets the quiet take them both for the night.

[marvelousstevetony]

Okay but those ways to say I love you prompts are all so cute 🥺 what about on a post-it note for Steve and tony if you’re feeling inspired? Thank you! 💖

Ahh, they are! Thank you for this prompt, friend, it is so sweet. I hope you enjoy this small thing 💖

~ ~ ~

“Please don’t leave me in this hellhole.”

Steve bites the inside of his cheeks to stop the laughter from bubbling out of him as he lets his eyes wander over to the bed where Tony lies, face smushed into his pillow.

His arm hangs limply over the edge of the bed, the blanket pulled up so it covers most of his naked back, apart from his shoulders. His skin has that sleep-warm glow to it, and judging by the soft, relaxed expression on his face, Tony is only about fifty percent awake as he lets out a small whine.

Now Steve is unable to keep the smile from gliding over his lips. “You’ll do great, Tony. And you know I’d much rather get back into bed,” Steve responds as he zips his bag and places it by the door.

“There’s nobody stopping you…”

“There kinda is, though,” Steve says, walking towards the bed, then sits down after nudging Tony’s leg to make space on the edge of the bed. “Besides, I’ll be back tonight. You won’t even have time to miss me.”

He threads his fingers through the mess of dark curls, softly untangling the knots that always come as a result of Tony nuzzling his head against Steve’s shoulder, chest or back, depending on whose turn it is to be the small spoon. It looks a little like a bird’s nest, Steve notes, all disheveled and mussed, but definitely the most adorable bird’s nest Steve has ever seen.

“’s not true,” Tony mumbles into the pillow. “I always miss you when you’re not here.”

Steve knows the hoarseness to Tony’s voice is probably from sleeping, but he can’t help but feel like it’s from emotion, too, and just the thought of Tony missing him even when they don’t see each other for mere hours makes something in his chest catch. Because Steve feels it, too; the constant want and need to be with Tony, as if Tony’s presence is the oxygen Steve breathes to keep him alive.

Steve clears his throat to prevent an emotional voice crack. “I won’t be away for long, okay? I love you, sweetheart,” he murmurs, smiling even though Tony can’t see it with his eyes closed.

Tony hums, leaning into the palm Steve rests on his cheek. It’s only for a quick second though, because then he sighs heavily and feigns a pout. “Apparently not enough, since you’re leaving me to go to a stupid meeting. In D.C.”

Steve chuckles softly as he brushes his thumb over Tony’s cheekbone. “I’ll make it up to,” Steve promises and leans down to press a gentle kiss the corner of Tony’s lips. “You’re going to smash that presentation like you always do, and those investors are going to be every bit as smitten by you as I am.”

“I know,” Tony says, smirking even in his sleep-hazy state. “Still don’t wanna do it, though.”

“You’re gonna be great.” Steve gives his cheek another quick kiss before he stands and heads for the door, grabbing his bag on his way. “I’ll see you tonight. Love you.”

“Mm, love you too,” Tony mumbles, already falling back into the warmth of the blankets and the comfortable unconsciousness.

***

Tony curses under his breath as he woken up by the ear-splitting sound of his alarm going off, and for a few seconds he wonders who he is going to have to sue for making such a vile, atrocious sound. It doesn’t take much longer for his sleep fogged brain to register that he isn’t woken up by the ticklish feeling of Steve’s breath behind his ear that he’s used to.

Steve usually comes to rouse him from his slumber with that low, fond voice whispering good morning in his ear, and a steaming mug of coffee. Today, he gets neither, and it feels like a bad start to what Tony can only imagine is going to be a bad day overall.

He stretches out on the bed, joints clicking, and gives a jaw-crackling yawn that’s followed by an equally dramatic sigh. He lets himself revel in the softness of the mattress and warmth of the blanket before draping one hand over his eyes and reaching for his phone with the other.

He frowns when his hand identifies a piece of paper on the screen of his phone, then rubs at his tired eyes with a fist to clear away the blurry vision. He has to narrow his eyes to make out the words on the post-it, and god he feels old doing so, but the feeling is quickly replaced by the affection that pools in his chest when he reads the note.

Good morning, my love. Hope you slept well.

- S ♡

Steve might not physically be in the Tower, but Tony knows that he left his heart right here.

His heart is apparently not the only thing Steve has left in New York, because throughout the routine of showering, brushing his teeth and getting dressed, Tony finds another few colorful notes with small, sweet messages and cute little drawings on them.

Wish I could join you, the one on the shower cabinet had said, and, well… Tony definitely agrees.

When Tony had showered, sadly all by himself, and finished up in the bathroom, he’d gone to choose what to wear for the meeting with the investors. What screams genius, billionaire, philanthropist and a damn good businessman? he had thought, staring into a closet full of suits.

That’s when he’d noticed another post-it, a red one that said: You look amazing in all of these. Those investors are so lucky. Love you. Steve had added a small smiley face with hearts as eyes. Tony rolled his eyes fondly before settling on a dark grey suit and the maroon-colored tie Steve had bought him.

Now, as he enters he kitchen, he feels a little better, a little less like this day is pure agony.

Because he is Tony Stark, a caffeine-addict, he heads straight for the coffeemaker, his most treasured item, and he can almost hear the birds chirping and angels singing the closer he gets. His focus quickly switches to the piece of paper that’s stuck to it though, and the fact that he reads the note before starting the machine is truly a testament to how much he loves Steve.

Please drink a glass of water and eat something too. Coffee is not a real breakfast!

Tony laughs out loud. He can imagine the look on Steve’s face and the sound of his voice so clearly in his mind as he reads it. Normally he’d argue this point, just because he can and because coffee deserves to be acknowledged as a necessity in his diet, but he doesn’t have it in himself to disregard Steve’s request, so he fills a glass with water and puts a bagel in the toaster while the coffee brews.

When it’s done, Tony goes to grab his favorite mug from the cupboard and is not surprised to find another post-it stuck on it.

From the day I realized I love you, it says and Steve has drawn a tiny ferris wheel on there, too.

Tony smiles reminiscently, thinking back to the day Steve had gotten him the mug. He had bought it in the gift shop in Coney Island when the team had gone there on a day off. Steve had told him how he and Bucky used to go there, he even told him about the time he had thrown up after Bucky made him ride the Cyclone. Neither of them had been able to stop blushing and smiling that day.

He snaps out of his absorption of memories when the toaster chimes, fills his mug and takes a seat a the breakfast bar, scrolling through his phone as he eats. He contemplates calling Steve but remembers that he and Sam are going to be in and out of meetings all day, so he settles on texting him a single red heart emoji.

For the next hour, as he gets ready for the investor meeting, Tony finds several other post-its. Some are messages saying stuff like I love you more than Nat loves knives, others are small drawings with cute texts like the one of them with grey hair and wrinkles that reads Growing old together. Tony may or may not have teared up at a few of them, and if he does, no one will know.

He imagines this is what it would’ve been like if he had ever been hunting for easter-eggs as a child. However, notes from Steve are a lot more rewarding than those cheap, poor quality chocolates.

With each one he finds, Tony’s chest tightens and his heart squeezes. Most people believe Tony is the one who’s always super over the top when is comes to romantic gestures, which, to be completely honest, is true. He does the grand, romantic gestures because he likes to spoil Steve whenever he gets the chance to. He likes watching Steve’s cheeks turn pink and that shy smile that crosses his face when Tony’s done something outrageously extravagant.

But… Steve has always been good at the small details. Things that seem insignificant but really aren’t, because they’re intimate and heartfelt and the most Steve things to do. Like leaving a million post-its around the penthouse to make up for being away.

As the collection of vibrant-colored paper notes grows, Tony finds a small box to gather the messages and drawings. The last one he finds is inside the elevator as he goes to meet Pepper before the meeting with the investors.

Good luck, baby. I love you.

***

Tony can’t recall when the last time a presentation went this well; everything went smoothly and the investors were immensely impressed.

He’s still tired as he stands in the elevator though, head tipped back against the wall, and he can’t wait to drop himself onto the couch and wait for Steve to come home.

He frowns when the elevator door opens and something seems… different, is the only way to describe it. The light are dimmed and instead, the room it lit up by candles. The Netflix logo is big and bright on the tv screen in front of the couch, which has been turned into a nest of blankets and pillows, and on the coffee table, there are two pizza boxes that give off a comforting smell that Tony can detect all the way across the room. In the middle of the whole affair is Steve, wearing his favorite pair of sweats and his old cable-knit, smiling widely at Tony.

Tears of happiness well up in Tony’s eyes as he walks towards the couch, shedding his shoes, jacket and shirt until he’s just in his undershirt, and drops himself directly onto Steve, burying his face in his neck. Steve holds him closer, chuckling a bit at Tony’s excited welcome home hug.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Tony echoes, the sound muffled into the fabric of Steve’s sweater.

“Did you have a good day? Good. I’m glad,” Steve says, smile growing impossibly wider when Tony hums and gives a small nod.

They lie there for a while, breathing in the scent of each other, feeling their muscles relax the longer their bodies are pressed this close, fitting together like a perfect puzzle. Tony’s head is the perfect size to fit into the crook of Steve’s neck, and Steve arms makes the best embrace around Tony’s smaller frame.

After a few minutes though, Tony catches a whiff of the Italian spices and lifts his head to look into Steve’s sparkling, blue eyes. “Pizza?” he asks hopefully, and Steve’s smile is answer enough.

Tony sits up to open the box and on it, there’s a post-it. It’s short and simple and it might be Tony’s favorite.

I love you, Tony Stark ♡

“You still think I don’t love you enough?”

Tony swallows hard around the lump that has suddenly appeared in his throat. “I never doubted that you do,” he says soberly. The words feel heavy as they leave his mouth, because it’s true; Steve has never given Tony any reason to question his love for him. Tony knows that Steve loves him.

He knows it by the way Steve runs his hand through his bird’s nest of a bedhead even though it’s greasy and it has gotten too long because he doesn’t want to go the the hair dresser. He knows it in the way he makes sure Tony doesn’t kill himself by only consuming coffee. He knows it by the way they can tell each other embarrassing stories about throwing up after riding a rollercoaster and buy ugly mugs from gift shops. He knows it in the way Steve writes hearts above the i’s and j’s, in the small curves of his handwriting and in the drawings and texts that tell Tony that he wants to grow old with him. He knows it by the way Steve looks at him with his blue eyes and long lashes and by the sincere smile that plays on his lips when he says his name.

They’re silent for a moment, but then Steve leans in, his lips ghosting over Tony’s as he whispers, “I love you, Tony.”

“I love you,” Tony says, closing the final gap between them, sealing their lips in a gentle, sweet, perfect kiss.

[hydrangeasimagination]

Clean

Kiyoi AU - An alternate to Mitsu of the All Smite Universe if they’d end up in the clutches of Overhaul.

Pairing: Husband! Chisaki Kai / Overhaul X Gender Neutral! Reader

Summary: After a business meeting; Overhaul rejoins you, his dear spouse, in your shared room. Just to get away from the parasites that plague his everyday. You were perfect. Clean. A welcome escape he indulges in whenever he can.

Warning(s): Underage Reader. Forced Feminization. Forced Marriage. Toxic Relationship. Suggestive Themes.

A/N: ... Okay, this is dark as hell. An idea I ran by @starchaser-the-prophet​​ and went through with because the idea itself made me interested to explore. First of all, this is another version of Mitsu. Where in which their birth parents ended up selling them to Overhaul, who is just as intrigued in their quirk as he does in the OG.

This is not canon.

This is a hypothetical.

What would happen if he was the candidate for the quirk marriage and succeeded in wedding them before they ran into Smite. Either way, this relationship is terribly unhealthy and illegal.

This version is nicknamed by Overhaul himself.

Their nickname is “Kiyoi” which means “noble”... And “pure”.

I also did art for this with Prophet’s version of them.

Viewer Discretion is Advised: Please Heed My Warnings

"Angel."

The term of endearment flooded the nearly empty room, coupled with the unattractive creaking of the door. It was actually cringe worthy, annoying, and in clear need of fixing. Sight of the dimly lit space was also slightly straining to the eyes, much to the doctor's dismay.

Brows pulled together just slightly in disapproval, Overhaul allowed himself to get used to the change in lighting. The door swinging shut behind him.

Gaze flickering around the space, he paused mid-step in his search of the space when the sound of water met his ears.

Along with the radio spilling the drivel of that pro hero, Present Mic. "This next song is an oldie but a goodie, an song straight from the states! This is "Tonight You Belong to Me" by Patience and Prudence!!"

The notes of an piano along with a snare of a light drum, upbeat and bright. He feels his shoulders fall just slightly, though his expression remained.

"i know, you belong to somebody new...

but tonight, you belong to me..."

A moment passed before the water shut off, the click of the radio switching off following. He turned his head towards the bathroom door just as a slight fog of steam billowed out.

"Kai...?"

Overhaul preens at the call of his given name, pleased to hear it after being around filth and incompetent beings with no business living or breathing the same air. It leaves him with a pleasant warmth crawling under his skin, gaze falling upon the figure slipping from the bathroom.

Cheeks flushed from the shower, a pure white towel pillowing against slightly wet skin, still weighed down with water. Eyes peering innocently at him betwixt fluttering lashes.

You were a welcome escape from the monotony.

A clean escape.

A polished diamond among coal.

"Kiyoi, angel..." He nearly crooned, finding satisfaction how two simple words made goosebumps break across your flawless skin.

How you flustered so quickly at his very presence, turning into a mess under his attention.

So sweet and so pure.

Like your namesake.

Slowly, he seats himself on the couch, lifting a gloved hand and holding it out. There was no need to speak, as you hung the towel to dry and rushed over him. It was amusing how eager you were to sit with him or rather, on him.

Drinking in how the pencil skirt stretched over the plush of your thighs, he shifted as you settled one of his. The light sheen of stockings on your soft skin elicited a low noise from his throat, pleased to see in the items he'd chosen for you. Reclining slowly into the leather couch, the man relaxed.

With a half nod given, arms snaked around the back of his head. He leaned forward just so to allow you the space, hooded gaze crossing your's.

"How was your day?" The soft inquiry came, the mask around his head loosening under nimble hands.

A low sigh slipped from between his lips once he breathed in the filtered air, lavender clinging to your clean scent. His own hand grazed over the fabric of the sweater, settling upon the curve of your hip and carefully drew you against him.

"Exhausting." His fingertips delicately slid over the dip of your waist, serving to only pull you even closer to him. "Being surrounded by those uncouth businessmen put me in a bad mood."

Nose carefully nuzzling against the side of your head, greedily taking in the sweet smell with fervor. His hold tightened when you shuddered, warming up under his touch and stare.

"Make me feel better, won't you, angel?"

Kai's eyes lingered upon the plush of your lips giving as you pursed them, how you leaned against him. Baring his neck to you with purpose.

Taking notice of your hesitation, the flush dusting over the bridge of your nose, he has to resist smiling.

You should be honored.

You likely were.

He doesn't show weakness so openly or often, nor give affection in this manner.

He is very aware of how enticed you are by his looks.

"Don't make me wait."

How you traced the pads of your digits up along the fabric of his dress shirt send a thrill through him, nervously tugging at the tie wrapped tight against his throat.

It was almost uncomfortable.

But it didn't last as the knot loosened, becoming undone almost agonizingly slow.

Were you teasing him?

Turning his head just so, he could smell the mint on your breath. How it ghosted over his lips in the most tantalizing of ways as he focused on the pretty darkening of your cheeks.

Kissing you was something he barely does, but he'd be lying if he didn't enjoy it.

Closer and closer he came.

Almost.

So terribly close.

"Boss."

A throb settled in the back of his skull, the beginnings of a headache. Suppressing the snarl that threatened to rise in his throat, your head dropped onto his shoulder with a long exhale. He grunted as he feels the arm draped around him settle on his hip, goose-flesh rushing over his body when your soft lips touched the side of his neck

Only to mumble against his feverish skin, "Duty calls."

Chisaki sighed, still holding you.

"Come in."

The door swung in and Kai fixed Chrono with a stare that could freeze blood, but he just bowed his head. He knew better than to interrupt if it was something poultry.

Leaning his body against the leather cushions, he drawled, "What is it?"

"Bubaigawara Jin and Toga Himiko have arrived."

He breathed lowly out of his nose, eyes shutting for a moment to quell the pain drumming in his brain. With a light squeeze, he'd finally let go.

"Tell them to wait another minute."

Reknotting his tie, he flicked his fingers to shoo his right hand from the room. As the door clicked shut, he peered down at you, almost contrite. Tenderly, his fingers trace over your cheekbone.

His voice dropped, just low enough for you to hear.

"I'm sorry Angel."

Turning your head, your lips touched the tips of his gloved fingers.

The sweet call of them begged him kiss them especially as you spoke, "You're busy. I understand."

Overhaul swiped his hand under your chin, tilting your head back. Your legs buckle and the corners of his lips drag into that devilish smile that never failed to make your heart race...

Though not in the way one would be with one's spouse.

With the quickening of your pulse, it was unmistakable.

That fear mixed with want to please him.

Good.

He didn't want you getting too full of yourself.

He loved you, naturally.

But if he didn't teach you, you'd never learn.

"I am forever blessed." He sighed, brushing his nose over your's.

"K - Kai..." The quaver of your tone made a pleasantness crawl under his skin.

Gold irises glimmered as he watched tears flood those pretty eyes he adored. Stroking his finger under your chin, he listened to your breath hitch.

He was so close.

Tightly squeezing you to his chest, he purred, "Remember Angel, I own you."

You only trembled.

A quivering whimper escaped as he kissed you, as he was dying to do. The gentle jingle of the chain around your neck made him smile, sighing at the taste of mouthwash lingering behind.

He felt you shake.

Adorable.

He supposed he himself was lucky.

You were clean.

So perfect and compliant.

His.

If he'd have to tear you apart to keep you, he would.

But he knew you'd stay.

You didn't have a choice.

[liebegott]

Hello my beautiful friend! (Highkey am missing you even tho it’s only been a few hours 😩) i have come with a request if that’s okay! It’s kind of a joint request from me and @shiftysdogtags lol... could you maybe do a Guernere fwb to proper lovers fic 👉👈

Sunrises & Trying Again. | Bill Guarnere

(click here to read on wattpad!)

REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

pairing: bill guarnere x gender neutral reader

wc: 1.8k

tw: mentions and hints of sex. this isn’t NSFW but my confused self kinda feels like it is so if you are a minor and uncomfortable with things like this PLEASE DO NOT READ thank you i’ll cry otherwise. 

A/N: thank you @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant and @shiftysdogtags for requesting this! i’ve never written anything for bill before so this was super exciting.

also, pretend he and toye never got injured in bastogne please i couldn’t figure out WHERE they would do.. “It” and the thought of them swimming in a lake and just being happy made me so happy. 🥺 also! so sorry for writing so much about zell am see. i’ve just been feeling bad lately so them vibing by a beautiful lake? i wish that were me. 

tagging: @teenmagazines @alienoresimagines @order-of-river-phoenix @julianneday1701 @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @wexhappyxfew @rarmiitage @mavysnavy @punkgeekchic @vintagelavenderskies @georgeluzwarmhugs @ray--person @wecomrades @jussipogideonlaufeyson @happyveday @snafus-peckuh @urlocalfrogmammy @kathikon @were-supposed-to-be-surrounded @warrior-healer 

feel free to message me if you’d like to be added to my taglist!

***

Your forehead was slick with sweat, your breathing heavy. “I can’t believe we did it again,” you said to yourself, your voice incredibly sore. Of course, it happened again. It wouldn’t stop happening ever since you first bumped into Bill in the middle of the night in front of the washrooms back in Georgia. 

You’d find yourself in his bed, promising it would be the last time, and try your best to sneak back into your own, careful not to wake anyone. When there was more privacy, he wouldn’t put a hand over your mouth as you did it, the sounds of your quiet voices filling the room. Even at Bastogne, you found yourself staggering out of his foxhole, despite the absurdity of it all, adjusting your pants and flattening your top, as though anyone would notice.

You hated every part of yourself for it, but everyone had urges. You and Bill’s were just a lot stronger than everyone else’s.

“Of course we did,” the man beside you muttered as though he could read your mind, “You can’t resist me.” He threw you a wink, that nearly made you want to pounce on him once more and go for another round, and the thought of it made you sick at the same time. Mostly because he was right; You couldn’t resist him one bit.

Instead, you rolled your eyes. “More like you can’t resist me,” you swiped at the sweat on your forehead, sitting up on his bed. Being in Austria meant more privacy. That meant more nights on his bed instead of yours.

Bill chuckled, and you bit down on your bottom lip, the temptation nearly unbearable. It was even worse was that he was leaning on his elbows, propping his head up with his arm. His hair was slicked back, his chest glistening with sweat. “That’s true,” he whispered, eyeing you as you pulled up your hair and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible, “You aren’t sleeping with me tonight?” 

You turned away, knowing full well you’d give in to his puppy dog eyes, and the cycle would begin all over again. “No,” you pursed your lips as you continued getting dressed, his eyes burning holes into your skin, “I don’t want people thinking we’re sleeping together.” The words came out wrong, and you felt Bill turn away. “I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry about it,” he raised a hand dismissively, standing up from his bed and opening the door for you, “You better get going then.”

Shocked, you quickly picked up your stuff, shuffling out the door. “Goodnight,” you tried to say, but Bill’s door was already closed.

———

It had been 3 days since that whole debacle, and you weren’t sure if you were supposed to be relieved or upset that Bill hadn’t shown up in front of your door ever since. You fiddled with your fingers as you kicked your feet around in the lake. The rest of the men were behind you, starting up campfires and just messing about.

“Why so glum?” you heard a husky voice behind you say. Toye rested his hand on your head, messing up your hair. He took a seat beside you, occasionally glancing at the men, but their laughter and their voices were drowned out by the thumping in your head. You had wished it was Bill who came up to you. 

Maybe that was why you were seated at the edge of the boardwalk all alone. You were upset after all. 

You shrugged. “It’s nothing,” you smiled at him, bumping his shoulder gently, “Just thinking. Thank you for asking, though.” 

The smile on his face faded, and Toye furrowed his brows. Taking a sip from his canteen, he handed it to you with a wink, but you rejected it and instead stared back down at your feet submerged in the water. “You must be thinking about something so terrible that you’d be so upset, despite being in the best place in the world since home,” he mumbled, cracking his knuckles together, “But whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“Its Bill,” the words spilled out before you could do anything, but Toye seemed unfazed, still staring ahead, “Why aren’t you surprised?”

He looked down at you, an amused smile on his face. “You know we can all hear the two of you going at it like rabbits right?” 

A blush creeped onto your cheeks, and you put your hands over your face, rubbing vigorously. “Oh god,” you groaned into your hands, but Toye laughed, throwing his arm over your shoulders, “I’ve done a terrible thing.”

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think anyone cares, but we do tease him a lot for it,” Toye started, patting you gently, “What’d you do?”

“I kind of told him I didn’t want anyone to think we were sleeping together,” you frowned. The fact that they all knew either way was humiliating, and Bill had known they were aware of your late night rendezvouses. 

Toye flinched, running a hand through his hair and leaning back. “Wow,” he chuckled, “You did fuck up.”

“You’re supposed to make me feel better!”

“I was never here to make you feel better,” he laughed, raising his hands defensively, “I was just wondering what got you so sad.” Toye smiled, and that made you smile as well. “However, I can offer you a piece of advice.”

You leaned in closer, nodding. “Its definitely more than just sex to you if you feel this bad about it,” he winked, before standing up, tousling your hair again, and heading back to the rest of the men.

You watched him walk away, before your eyes trailed off towards Bill, who was laughing with Frank and Malarkey about something you couldn’t hear. He looked so happy, but the second his eyes met yours, his smile fell. Your heart pinched.

Toye was right, even if you didn’t want to admit it. It was more than that.

———

“Y/N,” someone shook your shoulders, and you sat upright on your bed, bumping foreheads with whoever was trying to wake you up, “Goddamn.”

You cursed as well, rubbing your forehead. “What the hell, Bill?” you groaned, lifting your pillow and hitting him with it, “What time is it?”

He raised his arm, glancing at the watch around his wrist. “4AM,” he muttered, before hitting you back with the pillow. 

“What are you doing here?” you glared, scratching your head. You were still very much asleep. Looking around, you realised it was still dark outside, and yet Bill stood in front of you fully dressed. “I’m not having sex with you at 4 in the morning.”

Hurt flashed across his face, and you instantly regretted saying that, but instead he chuckled lightheartedly. “It's not that, asshole,” he grinned, grabbing your hand and pulling you into an upright position, “Though you had no trouble doing that in the past.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

You rolled your eyes, standing in front of him in your pajamas, crossing your arms. The two of you were tangled up with each other so often in the past, and yet you felt more exposed now than ever before. “You didn’t answer me,” you stated blankly, refusing to lose to him, “What are you doing here?”

“Well,” he started, his eyes avoiding yours, “I was wondering if you wanted to go see the sunrise? Major Winters goes swimming every morning and told me how peaceful it was, and I thought maybe you’d like to go with me.” 

You mentally cursed. Bill was so hard to resist.

“I’d love that,” you said, despite your brain yelling at you not to. There was no reason why two friends, who have seen each other naked more than once, couldn’t go and see the sunrise together, right? 

That’s what you kept repeating to yourself as you changed. You met him at the door, followed him towards the boardwalk, and set yourself down on the cool wood. Fog rolled over the lake, the air cold in your lungs. “Major Winters swims in this weather?” you breathed, and Bill wrapped his coat over you, “I know it's summer and all but wow.” You tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in your stomach.

He shrugged, glancing at you for a moment, and once more, you felt exposed. “I guess nothin’s colder than Bastogne.” 

The sun slowly rose, casting a pink glow over the lake. Bill whistled. “Lucky to be alive, Y/N,” he mumbled, but you almost couldn’t hear him, so entranced by the view in front of you. You nodded, mouth agape. 

When the sun had completely risen, you found yourself resting your head upon his shoulder, and your face turned beet red. “Oh, shit,” you cursed, standing up quickly, “I’m sorry.” You needed to get out of there.

“For what?” Bill exclaimed, the peace that surrounded the two of you left your bones, and you hugged his coat tighter around you. His coat. You wanted to cry.

Refusing to turn and look at him, you stopped in your tracks, head hunched down. “Look at me,” he said kindly, even though you knew he was fighting the urge to raise his voice, “Please.”

You turned slowly, staring at the ground in front of you. “What are you sorry for?” he asked again, his eyebrows scrunched together in worry.

“Why did you ask me here, Bill?” you asked in return, your eyes pleading to his to stop with the games, “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend we’re just friends.”

He smiled sadly, taking a few, slow steps towards you, the wooden boards creaking underneath him. “Neither can I,” Bill whispered, “That’s why. I thought maybe, maybe, if we did something other than sex, you’d see me the way I see you after. When we’re covered in sweat, in the dark, talking about life, and our dreams like we didn’t just do what we did.”

You paused, your hands falling slack at your side. Bill was in front of you now, so close you could smell his aftershave, and it wasn’t lust that took over you. You cupped his face in your hands and kissed him, a kiss that was nothing like the ones you shared when he pushed you onto your back. A kiss that meant so much; Like quiet words shared in a foxhole, minutes before you climbed out. Like dreams and promises and hopes for the future.

“You’re not mad at me?” you breathed against his lips, his breath smelling like peppermint. 

Bill shook his head, tilting your head to give you another kiss, “I’m mad at myself for not doing this sooner. Let’s try again, shall we?”

[sugarbooger513]

Moving on- Chapter Six

Warnings- Smut, cussing, dom/sub dynamic (I would like to point out, this dynamic can be seen in a lot of different ways. Plz don’t come at me), honorifics, mentions of child abuse 

"Do you have any idea who Lilith is going on a date with?" Jasper raises a confused eyebrow at Mic's random question. It certainly isn't something she expected to be brought up while they're grading a few final exams. "Uh, no. I never asked because I assumed it would be you." He shakes his head, his eyes suddenly turning to nothing. "Nah. I'm too old for her. It was a one time thing." "Don't give me that shit, Mic. Why didn't you ask her out?" "Because of the age gap.. and we agreed that the sex had no feelings." Jasper rolls her eyes and passes him an English test. "Uh huh, whatever. She'll tell me when she's ready." "On to happier news, because this is depressing me, have you and Sho had that date yet?" Jasper sighs and gives him a small head shake. "We can't find the time, honestly." Mic groans. "Girl, its been almost three weeks! Has he even kissed you yet?" "Mic," she chuckles, "no, he hasn't. To be fair, I haven't made a move either." "Yeah, but you're a-" "Don't you dare say-" "A bottom." Jasper places her pen down, facing Mic with a glare. "Mic, I have kissed people before." "But not Sho. Trust me, I've seen how he looks at you. Most of the time it's the cute, high school crush look, but when he saw you hug All Might the other day.." Jasper's eyes widen with worry. "Did I make him mad?" "Absolutely not, but it's no secret that him and All Might aren't exactly buddy buddy. Sho is highly.. not protective.. but territorial." She tilts her head, which makes Mic chuckle. "It isn't my business to tell, but Sho prefers a certain dynamic with relationships. I'm sure he'll let you know before the two actually make it official." "Oh.. did he have that dynamic with Joke?" Mic shakes his head. "Joke said he was weird for it, so he respected her decision."   The classroom door opens, and the man they were just talking about walks in, straightening the scarf around his neck. "I'm about to head into the Todoroki and Yaoyorozu's final." Jasper smiles as he searches the drawers of the desk for his eyedrops. "Here, silly." He smiles when Jasper pulls a bottle from her pocket. "I can always count on you, can't I? Thank you." He takes them with a slight blush before pulling something from his other pocket. "I need you to do me a big favor since Mic has to leave, too." "Of course, Sho." "Can you give this to Shinso? I fixed his scarf when he fucked it up in training." "Be nice to him, Sho. I'll make sure he gets it, but I need a hug before you go." He rolls his eyes, but grins when she wraps her arms around his torso. "You can just ask for a hug, Jas." "But you make a funny face when I say it like that." "Shut up. Anyways, tell Shinso that we aren't training today and that he can go home after school." "Oh?" He chuckles and lifts her chin gently with his thumb and index finger. He can practically see her eyes gleam from the small gesture. "You, me, cat cafe. Tonight. I'm taking you on that date I promised." "A-Are you sure? I mean, I can ask my dads to bring me different clothes if-" "Don't. You look beautiful. Just be ready to go once school ends. Come on, Mic." "Right behind ya, Romeo." Aizawa takes a second to press his nose to Jasper's affectionately before he turns and leaves the classroom. She stands alone for a second, her heart racing. How has no one else tried to steal him away? She'll never understand. Still, she shakes her head, leaving to head to the general studies' classrooms. Lucky for her, most of the kids were wandering the halls. When she sees the violet haired boy sitting by himself, she feels a bit bad. So many people ignore him, or are terrified of his quirk. He doesn't make friends easily, but Jasper loves seeing him open up around Aizawa. "Shinso!" The boys bright purple eyes widen at the sound of his name, but he smiles when he sees Jasper waving him over. He stands, almost dropping his drink, and quickly walks towards her. "Hi, Daedalus." She opens her arms and gets a gentle hug from the rather large boy. He was super scrawny before he started his training, but now he's even scarier than before. "I got a present for you." "A-A present?" When she pulls the scarf out, his eyes glow. "He managed to fix it?!" She nods, placing the bundled up cloth in his hands. "I was so scared I screwed it up for good." "Aizawa worked all day on fixing it yesterday." Shinso's eyes fill with worry. "He must be so mad.." "No, hun, he isn't. If he was, he wouldn't give it back." As Shinso places it around his neck, she catches a glance of something on his cheek. When she tilts her head, he pauses. "You okay, ma'am?" "Yeah, but did Aizawa really leave that bruise on your cheek?" Shinso's widened gaze tells her that she wasn't supposed to notice that. "W-what bruise?" "Shinso.. come to my office." He curses in his mind, but follows her without question. The fact he isn't saying anything is slightly concerning. Yeah, he's generally a quiet kid, but she can usually get him to talk to her. He seems to trust her and Aizawa with a lot, and it wouldn't be too bad if Aizawa accidentally left a bruise on his face. He would have no reason to hide it. Once she closes the door, Shinso sits on the sofa, his hands trembling in his lap. "D-Daedalus, it isn't-" "Shinso," she sighs and sits in a chair in front of him, "was it a student? You aren't going to be in trouble, but I can take it to them." He shakes his head, still staring at his lap. She sighs, going over to her oil diffuser. She can feel his eyes on her once she isn't actually looking at him. "Did you know that peppermint oil has a natural calming effect on the brain?" He finally releases a tiny chuckle. "Why are you telling me this?" "Because I'm putting some in the diffuser. I'm also going to make us some peppermint tea." "Daedalus.. I'm okay." "I believe you, Shinso, but I'm not okay letting you leave until you're less stressed." He sighs softly. "How can you-" "Your neck is tense. Aizawa might have told me your body language." "Damn it, Eraserhead.." He covers his mouth the moment the words leave his mouth, but Jasper only laughs. "Go ahead and let it all out. I won't tell him what you say. Milk?" "U-Umm.. please?" Once she finishes making the tea, she passes him a warm cup. He holds it for a minute, relishing in the warmth on his fingertips. Of course, she takes a seat in front of him, a kind smile on her face. His cheeks warm slightly, and he sips at the tea to ignore it. "You wanna tell me about that bruise now?" "I-I.. I can't, Dae-" "Jasper." "Excuse me?" She smiles, the steam from her cup slightly fogging up her glasses. "Just call me Jasper. Just don't let Mr. Aizawa know I said that, okay?" Shinso chuckles slightly. "Yeah, the last time I didn't call you Daedalus in front of him didn't end well." He winces, remembering the many, many push ups and sit ups he was forced to do that day. A few included his mentor sitting on his back, and he's heavier than he looks. Jasper places the cup down with a sigh. "I won't force you to tell me Shinso, but I am concerned.. and I have to report it." "D-Don't! Please!" He suddenly drops the cup, shattering it. Jasper's first instinct is to jump up and reach for the towels above her desk, but then she sees it. When her hand raises for the towels, Shinso cowers back, covering his face. The place he covers is almost exactly where the bruise is located. "I-I didn't mean to... I'm sorry.." She lowers her hand, ignoring the fact that tea is still in the floor. "Shinso.. hun I was just grabbing towels.." He opens his eyes slightly, and she tries her best to smile comfortingly at him. "You've.. been through some things, haven't you?" He lowers his arms, but he's even more tense than he was before. "I.. I'm okay." "Hitoshi." He whimpers from her using his first name so nicely. Usually, if he hears his first name, he knows he screwed something up. "Jasper," he finally sighs, "I just have issues with my mom and dad. It's nothing to worry about." "Hun, you have bruises from it. It obviously is something to worry-" "Just, please, shut up about it." He regrets his words immediately. She's only trying to help. Still, she chuckles lightly. "You can be mad, Shinso, I don't care. I care about your safety, and Aizawa will, too." His eyes shoot open. "You can't tell him!" "Shinso, how is he going to work through this in training if he doesn't know?" "I've been doing fine without-" "But you'll never become the hero you see yourself as unless you get the help you need, Shinso." Anger flashes in his eyes, and he jumps up. Standing, he's quite a bit bigger than her, but she doesn't back down. Instead, she stands a bit straighter. "I will become a great hero. Don't talk to me like a child." "Shinso, you are a child. Sit down." "No." She chuckles a bit. "Do you think I'm intimidated by your size, Shinso?" He bites the inside of his cheek. Her eyebrow raises, waiting for a response. "I don't care if you are or not. Don't question the hero I'll be. I don't need help with this." She laughs, which makes his fists tighten. "You don't need help, but you want it." "What?" She glances at her door with a smirk. "I never locked you in. You could walk out. You could try to brainwash me, but you aren't. Why?" That makes him relax, for some odd reason. Instead of anger, his eyes fill with tears. She walks over and touches his arm softly. He can't help but wonder if her gentle touch reminds him of a mother. "Sit, Shinso." "Y-yes ma'am.." She grabs a towels finally and starts wiping the mess that was made. "I.. I really didn't mean to break it, Jasper." "I know. Accidents happen." Once it's all cleaned up, Jasper walks calmly to her desk to send an email. The councilor is the one that should handle this. As much as she wants to go beat Shinso's parents herself, she knows better. "Shinso, do you know Ms. Dani?" "Ms.. Dani?" She nods. "She's a councilor here. She usually handles the hero course, but she's going to be the one to help you out." "W-Why can't you?" She frowns and walks back to the obviously scared teenager. "She can get in touch with the right people, but you need to trust her." He whimpers slightly. "I.. I only trust you and Eraser.." She nods, rubbing a gentle hand in his wild hair. "We'll be there as much as we can, okay?" "P-promise..?" She smiles and holds her pinky to him. He wraps his around hers with a smile.   When her door is creaked open, she turns to meet light eyes. "You emailed me, Daedalus?" The councilor is relatively short, just an inch or two taller than Jasper is. Her hair is as red as Kirishima's, also. Jasper smiles and waves for her to come inside. "I did. I could use your expertise." The pale woman blushes ever so slightly. Truth be told, her and Jasper haven't had the time to really talk. They've said a few things to each other in staff meetings. However, she knows that there seems to be something between her and the very stern 1A homeroom teacher. "I hardly call myself an expert, Daedalus." "For the gods' sake, can you please call me Jasper?" Dani blushes even more from the genuine amusement coating Jasper's words. "Of course! I apologize, Jasper." "Ahhh, we'll work on it, won't we? Anyways, this is Shinso. He's a general studies student." "I-I-m trying to get into the Hero course.." Jasper pats his shoulder softly. "He's Eraserhead's apprentice. It has.. come to my attention that he needs someone to help him out of a bad situation." Dani tilts her head, allowing her crimson hair to fall to one side. She's professionally trained to see the most subtle changes in body language, and the fear in Shinso's eyes almost knocks her off of her feet. However, something changes when Jasper looks at him. There seems to be a strong trust between the boy and teacher. He looks to her as a teenager should look at his mother for comfort. Jasper's eyes search his carefully before she reaches for his hand. "If you'll look, he has a bruise on his face." Dani nods and winces at the obvious outline from a large hand. "Where did it come from, Shinso?" He looks at the woman that he's only seen in the hallways once or twice with worry. He doesn't know her, but doesn't Jasper trust her? "My.. My father was angry at me.. it happens if someone brings up my quirk.." Dani nods slowly and looks at Jasper. "I'll take care of him, I promise." "Thank you. He means a lot to Eraserhead, and to me." Dani kneels in front of Shinso, who backs slighlty into the couch. "Hi, Shinso. So, is there anything that will make you more comfortable talking to me?" Before he can answer, Jasper chuckles. "He loves cats. It's something I bring up to get him and Eraserhead to take a break." "J-Jasper! Y-you traitor!" Dani and Jasper laugh at his beet red cheeks. Hearing them eventaully draws a laugh out of himself. "Well, Shinso, I also like cats. Lets go to my office for a bit." Jasper holds a hand to stop them. "I was told to inform you that training is cancelled today, Shinso." "W-why?! Is he okay?!" Japser smiles at the sweet boy's concern. "We're going on a date tonight, Shinso. Chill out." He calms down immediately, but his eyes glow playfully. "Finally. Geez, there are times we'll be in the middle of sit ups and he'll glance over at you talking to Present Mic every time he goes up." Jasper rolls her eyes and gives him a gentle shove. "Be nice. Go on and talk to Ms. Dani. Text Eraser when you're done and let him know how it went. I'll let him know about everything else, okay?" "Okay.. thank you, Jasper." She reaches up and pinches his cheek gently. "You're welcome, Hitoshi. Dani, please keep quiet about me and Eraser..?" "Of course. Have fun." Once her door shuts, Jasper finally takes a seat behind her desk. The moment she lays her head down, she actually takes a deep breath. 'Be strong, Jas. Others need you at your best.' Instead of keeping her head down like she desperately wants to, she sits up and starts answering the metric shit ton of emails that she somehow gets everyday. About halfway through, her phone starts to ring. When she sees that it's already three o'clock, she lets out a small curse. "Sho, I'm so sorry, but I'm not done with my emails." "No, it's fine. I'm coming to your office right now." She hangs up just as the door opens. He smiles at her, but it fades when he notices that her eyes are red and puffy. "Jas? What happened?" "A lot, Sho. You might want to sit down." Once he does, she recalls all of the events with Shinso. He listens without speaking, but his irises seem to ignite from pure fury. How had he not noticed? It was no secret that Shinso had an issue flinching if he moved too quickly into the boy's sight, but he never suspected that he was actually being abused at home. "So.. what is Dani going to do?" Jasper sighs and finally starts shutting her computer down. "I honestly don't know, but I'm so scared that it'll be worse for poor Shinso." Aizawa nods understandingly. Truth be told, it's the first time he's had a student come up as abused that he can think of. He has suspicions about Todoroki, but he can only hope Dani will eventually pull the truth from that boy's own mouth. "Sho, maybe we should reschedule." He shakes his head. "Absolutely not. Today is about me and you. Shinso is being taken care of, and tomorrow him and I will have a heart to heart." "But he-" Aizawa leans forward and places a finger on Jasper's mouth. "Me, you, cute cats, and coffee. Get your ass in my car before I drag you out there with my scarf." "Aggressively romantic?" He chuckles as they both stand. "Some things about me don't change despite the infatuation." Once she locks her office up, she hears Aizawa groan. "Mic, we're going to the cat cafe, please don't pester us." Mic chuckles. "I know, and I'm gonna go pick Lilith up so we can make bets on how long it'll take for the two of you to-" "Hizashi Yamada!" The growl in Aizawa's chest makes the blonde literally sprint away from the two of them. Once they make it outside, Jasper starts giggling. "What?" "He could have meant kiss, you know." Aizawa reaches to open the passenger door for her. "I know, but I don't want him to spoil any surprises." "What did you-" "Get in the car, Jas." Once they both get buckled up, Jasper leans on the door. Aizawa pulls onto the road, chuckling a the stares from Jasper. "Yes, dear?" "What the hell did you say about surprises?" "Why does it matter?" She slightly bites her bottom lip, making him cough softly. "Jasper." "Yes?" He rolls his eyes at the fact that her voice is slightly higher, feigning innocence. "Do not play this game. You'll lose." "I'm not playing games, Sho." He smirks, but refrains from saying anything else. Still, the brattiness is something he can't keep from loving. "Sho, what makes you think you'll win?" He rolls his eyes, suddenly pulling into a parking lot. It isn't unusual for him to park in the back of parking lots, he prefers other people taking the closer spots. "Okay, Jas," he turns the car off and turns to face Jasper, "you wanna be a brat? I'll play along as long as we can take it to the backseat." Her face glows crimson. "W-why the b-backseat?" He leans in, pressing his nose to hers, and drops his voice in both pitch and volume. "I can get my hands all over you back there, dear. It's easier to make you fucking cry." Her hands fly over her face, almost accidentally smacking Aizawa. Still, he chuckles and leans away. "Good to know that I win, Jas. Come on." "O-okay." He chuckles as she follows him closely. Walking inside makes her eyes brighten. Aizawa chuckles and goes to the counter, allowing her to go pick a spot to sit. As soon as she does, a cute grey cat jumps in her lap. His green eyes meet hers as he lets out a long meow. "You found one that likes you." She looks up at Aizawa, who hands her a warm cup. "He's super cute." Aizawa sits beside her on the couch, making her thigh rest against his. "You're super cute, Jas." "Stoooop!" He chuckles and places his arm around her shoulders as the cat curls up in her lap. He can't help but smile widely. "Sorry. I feel bad about embarrassing you so much in the car." "I-I didn't mind." He chuckles and leans his head on hers. "I feel like.. I should tell you about some stuff before we're official." "Alright." He sighs and sits up, taking his arm from her so he can turn slightly to face her. "I.. I have a weird.. question." "You can ask me anything, Sho." He smiles at how patient she's being. Joke certainly wasn't this way. "I don't want a regular relationship, per say, but I will do whatever-" "Sho, what dynamic do you want?" His eyes widen, but she giggles. "Mic warned me, but he wouldn't elaborate. Just tell me." Aizawa makes a mental note to absolutely destroy Mic when he gets home for that one. "I want to know if you'll be my submissive, Jas." She tilts her head. "Truth be told, I was kind of expecting that one." "Am I that easy?" "Dude, did you not hear yourself in the car?" The two of them both start to laugh. Still, Aizawa rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah, sorry, I got caught in the moment. Anyways, Joke said no when I talked to her about it, and I made an exception. I will-" "No, Sho, I'm interested in it." "You- you are?" When she nods, he feels his heart start hammering in his chest. "That obviously means there will be rules, right?" "I'm not super strict, honestly. I just ask that you take care of yourself. I don't want you putting yourself down, and I want you to get all of the help you need. When it comes to more sexual things, we'll have limits to set, and a safe word to discuss. I also want to know that you will use it if anything becomes too much." She smiles while listening to him. Man, he really is easy to please, isn't he? "Is.. Is that really it?" He chuckles at her shock. "I mean, I think? If there is anything else, I'm too psyched out right now to think of it." "Why so psyched out?" He smiles and reaches to gently place his hand on her leg. Her face tints pink, but she glances into his eyes. "Because I finally have you, Jas, and I'm going to take care of you. Do you understand how surreal the past three weeks have been?" "I mean, this is the first date, Sho." "But for three weeks I've known that I had a shot. I can't.. I can't believe you waited so patiently for such a lame date." She giggles and scoots closer to him. "Lame? Anytime with you is great, Sho." The two of them stay that close for a while longer, both of them talking about different dreams of theirs. Jasper admits that, when she was younger, she wanted to adopt children and give them homes. It's one reason she feels so worried about Shinso, that much is clear. Aizawa admits that, even though he deals with kids a lot, having children of his own is something he thinks about more often than not. "Sho?" "Yes, dear?" She giggles at the term of endearment. "We are.. official now, right?" He chuckles and pulls her against him. "Yes, Jas." "Finally, that means I can-" She cuts off by looking up and placing a soft kiss on his cheek. "You could have done that anyways." Her smile makes his stomach start doing flips. How did he manage to get someone the complete opposite of him in so many ways, but also who understands him better than anyone else? "I just needed the conformation that.. I could do it and hope to do it again. Does that make sense?" Aizawa nods, placing his forehead to hers. "You wanna get out of here? Maybe take a walk around?" "Where would we go?" He thinks for a second. "Remember the pond near my apartment?" "Of course I do." "Well," he chuckles, "as long as you promise not to push me in it again, I would like to go watch the ducks with you again." She rolls her eyes, but stands up. "As long as you don't tickle me, you'll stay dry." He smirks and follow her out of the cafe. "I promise not to tickle you, but I can't promise that my hands will stay to myself." She scoffs and glances up at him. "Shouta Aizawa, you flirt." "Hey, I'm trying. Is it working?" She giggles and leans against his car. He stops, smirking at the playful gleam in her eyes. "Hmmm.. maybe? We'll see what happens." "Get in the car, now." Once the two of them are in, he reaches to place his hand on her leg softly. "So," he chuckles as they pull out of the parking lot, "what are you trying to accomplish with the flirting?" "Oh, I'm just matching the energy, Sho." When he gives her thigh a squeeze, she jumps slightly. "Hmm, I see." Aizawa is quiet for the rest of the drive, but Jasper's mind is racing. Every once in a while, he tightens his fingers around her thigh, 0r he runs his hand up and down it. The subtle actions make her think that it's something he does out of habit, but Aizawa knows exactly what he's doing. From the corner of his eye, he can see her cheeks tint an even darker pink with every little touch. Once he pulls into the apartment's parking lot, he smiles at Jasper. "Come on. I wanna show you something." She tilts her head, but follows him eagerly. Is it the ducks again? No, shes already seen those. 'Maybe some more babies hatched!' The thought is silly, but it makes her smile nonetheless. Once they make it over to the pond, Aizawa points towards where the sun is setting. "It seems like something you would enjoy watching." The two of them sit side by side, and he watches as her eyes widen at the different colors reflected in the water. "Sho," her laughter makes him chuckle, "it's so pretty!" He nods, suddenly turning her face to his. "Yeah.. it is.." Suddenly, just as he thinks he can do it, his nerves get the better of him. Instead, he freezes, his mouth barely above hers. Jasper smiles, reaching her hands out to grab his shirt. "Sho?" "I-I.. can I kiss you, Jas..?" "I don't know, can you?" He chuckles at the bratty retort, but finally pulls her mouth to his. She really didn't know if to expect a kiss from him to be wildly different from Rumi's, but wow it was. Rumi would kiss and slightly pull from it, but Aizawa presses his body against her as if he's relishing in every little touch. His scruff slightly tickles, but the feeling makes her heart pound harder than she's ever felt. When he pulls back, his eyes open slowly. When their eyes meet, Aizawa shakes his head slightly. "S-Sho..? Was it bad..?" "No, god no.. I just.. fuck it." He grabs her face in both hands to pull her back into a more heated kiss. Rather than sitting like a stump this time, Jasper reaches her arms around and tangles her fingers in his raven locks, pulling a slight groan from his throat. One hand slides from her cheek all the way to her waist, and he practically purrs from the shiver that runs down her body. He squeezes her side, which makes her gasp. As soon as that happens, he takes complete control of the now make out session. Once he pulls back, she blushes from the string of their saliva still connecting their lips. "I'm sorry, kitten. I didn't mean to force that on you." "I-I liked it, Sho. Did you call me kitten?" Now it's his turn to blush. "I-I, well, yeah.." "I..I like that." "What?!" His excitement makes her blush even more than she already was. "It's cute. I.. I like how you're comfortable calling me whatever you want." He chuckles lowly, placing his both hands on either side of her. When he does, she has lean back on her own hands to keep steady as he pretty much starts crawling on top of her. "Whether you would have liked kitten or not, I had plenty of different names picked out for you." She tilts her head, urging him to continue. "I mean, there were simple things like baby, honey, princess-" "I like that one.." He grins and gives her a soft peck. "Mmm, I figured you would, kitten. Only one name matters though." "Oh? Do tell." He pretty much purrs before leaning close to her ear. His warm breath makes electricity pretty much course through her blood. "You're fucking mine." She whimpers softly, nodding as he smirks. "Good girl.. You wanna go back to my apartment?" "I-I-" "Feel free to tell me no. I want you comfortable, honey." Jasper shakes her head and smiles. "I've never.. been with a guy, so all I ask is that you'll be patient." He nods and jumps from the ground. "Everything we do is up to you. We'll move as slow as you need." He offers his hand, which she takes gladly. Once she's on her feet, he bends down to give her the most loving kiss she thinks she has ever had. "Come on. Let me show you what being a princess means." She giggles, allowing him to lead the way towards the apartment. Of course, his mind is full of questions. He knows that, to do this right, he has to ignore the urge to take her the way he wants to. He knows that they both have limits, and they need to understand that about each other before it goes past making out. He fumbles with his key once they make it to the front door, which he opens and holds for Jasper. "My room is the first one on the right. Go ahead in there. I'm gonna grab some stuff." "Okay, S-Sho." Jasper walks into his bedroom, and can't keep herself from laughing. No wonder he liked her teenage bedroom. His room only has a bed, a dresser, and a bedside table. She notices a framed picture on the table and picks it up. She smiles at the picture of Mic and Aizawa as teenagers, hanging out at the UA festival. Mic had on some weird hat, pulling Sho into the selfie. Poor awkward boy seemed like he was just trying to enjoy lunch. "Yeah, Mic hasn't changed." Jasper jumps from Aizawa walking inside the room and speaking suddenly. She places the picture down, tilting her head at the small tray in his hands. On it was two water bottles, both cold, some peanut butter crackers, and fruit snacks. He chuckles, placing it on the dresser near the picture. "Just in case you need it after we do.. anything, really. However, we need to have a serious talk first." He shuts and locks his bedroom door. "Make yourself at home, dear." "O-okay." Jasper takes a seat on the bed, her heart racing as she watches his hang his scarf up. "We aren't doing anything until we establish a few rules, okay?" She nods understandingly, and he takes a seat on the bed beside her. "We need a safe word first. If this word is said, by either of us, then everything stops and we go straight into aftercare." She scratches her head in thought. "Uhhh.. mouse..?" He smiles a bit from the irony. "Oh? Mouse is fine, but I need you to promise that you'll use it if it becomes too much for you." "I promise, Sho." "Good girl. Now, what are limits I need to be made aware of?" She tilts her head. "I..I really don't know.. I've never been in a situation where I found out a hard limit.." He nods understandingly. "That's what our safe word is for, kitten. I have a few questions on what is okay with you, okay?" "Okay." He can't help but feel his heart leap from how easy she is when discussing all of this. "Would you prefer I praise you or degrade you?" She tilts her head in thought. "Uh.. I like both, actually." "I can do that, kitten, but don't let me get away with saying something you don't like. Have you ever been in a submissive headspace before?" When she nods, he sighs happily. "So you know what to expect from yourself?" "Well.. not really." "Elaborate?" "It happened and neither Mirko or I knew what to do.. I had a pretty bad sub drop, and since then I've kind of pushed it in the back of my mind and.. yeah." He slides from the bed and kneels in front of Jasper with a sigh. "I want you comfortable. If it's something you're willing to try, I will make sure to help you come back to Earth." She reaches and tucks a stray strand of his hair away. "I trust you, Sho." He smiles and gives the top of her hand a kiss. "I think that's all I need for now. Do you have questions for me?" "Umm.. honorifics..?" He chuckles and starts running both of his hands slowly up and down her legs. "Personally, I prefer Master, Sir, or Daddy, but I'm fine if you prefer my name." She shakes her head, her eyes suddenly lighting up. Is she already slipping? "Do you need to know.. any specific parts of my body that get me.. you know..?" He laughs from her little squeak of nervousness. "No, baby, I'll find all of those on my own. However, if you want to know a big weakness of mine, it's my neck." "Noted. You'll.. be leading this.. right?" "Correct, unless you want something else." She immediately shakes her head. "I-I need you to lead.. sir.." He chuckles and pulls her into a long kiss. He can feel her physically relax from it. "That's a good girl. Anything else?" When she mutters a small 'no sir' he stands and goes to check one more time that his door is locked. "We'll start slow, kitten. Lay down." The two of them kick their shoes off, and before she can lay down, Aizawa gets impatient and pretty much tackles her onto the bed. Her uncontrollable giggles make him laugh. However, the laughing stops when one hand grabs her hip and yanks her body into his. "I have dreamed of the day I got you in my bedroom so many times, Kitten. Hell, it makes it even better that you're already mine." He notices her hands stay close to her own chest, which makes him smile. "You can touch me, Kitten. I'm as much yours as you are mine." "S-sorry, I just-" She's cut off by a stinging smack across her ass. The sound that comes from her mouth shocks her, but makes Aizawa smirk. "No apologizing for things like that. Shit, that was a good one." "W-What the hell?!" He doesn't mean to laugh, he really doesn't, but her embarrassment is too damn cute. "What? You're the one who moaned, Jas." "F-fuck you.." Rolling his eyes, he gets over her. "What do you think I'm working towards?" He reaches and taps her thigh, and she slowly parts them so he can rest his body comfortably between them. One of his hands goes to grab the bottom of her shirt, and she stops him in an instant. "What's wrong?" "I-I just.. I'm not comfortable with.." He stops her by pressing a kiss to her lips. "Jasper," his voice is soft, understanding, "you're beautiful. Nothing could ever change my mind about that, I promise. What if I take mine off first?" Her face lights up red, and she starts blabbering. "I-I mean I.. I don't wanna ask-" "Just say 'please sir' for me." Her little squeak has a shiver going through him. "P-please...?" "I don't know who you're saying please to, Kitten." She huffs, which only makes him chuckle. Man, he loves brat energy. Still, she doesn't seem to enjoy being a brat for too long. "Please.. sir.." "That's my good girl." The praise makes her squirm slightly. He sits back on his knees, pulling his shirt over his head in one quick motion. Her eyes turn away from him, still nervous to so obviously stare at him. To be honest, it was really hard not to look. "Jas? You act as if you've never seen a half naked man before." His chuckle makes her smack his abdomen. His large hand grabs her wrist and holds it down at her side, making her whimper. "Keep it up, Kitten. I like having to show you who the boss is." Her eyes widen, but he sees something in her look change. "That's all I had to do?" Her giggle makes him smirk. She really does trust him, doesn't she? Jasper relishes in the slight.. fuzzy feeling in the back of her mind. Its been a long time since she was thrown into her headspace. Honestly, she kind of forgot what it felt like. In a way, it scares her. She keeps looking at Aizawa, expecting him to suddenly freak out, but his smile makes her entire body feel warm. "You okay there, pretty girl?" She nods, kind of forgetting that words actually exist. He can't help but snort a bit of laughter at her. "Take your shirt off, Kitten. Let me take some of your burdens." She tilts her head, but sits up and allows him to pull the shirt over her head. "B-burden?" He smirks, gently punching her onto her back. "Being such a good girl is exhausting, I'm sure. Let daddy take care of you.." Her eyes roll back slightly and she nods almost frantically. With her permission, he leans his head into the crook of her neck and starts placing gentle kisses there. The feeling of it alone makes her let out tiny whimpers, but he pauses when she suddenly giggles. "Is something amusing?" "Y-your scruff tickles." She can feel him smirk against her skin before he bites down a bit harshly. Her moan comes out unrestrained to his ears. "Fuck, Kitten, you're a kinky little shit." "S-Shut up!" The look in his eyes tells her that she fucked up. He gets off of her and walks towards his dresser. When she sits up, he leans against it, casually drumming his fingers along the top of the wood. "S-Sho?" "Who?" Her entire body shivers. "D-daddy..?" He chuckles lowly. "Good girl. Remind me.. what's the safe word?" "M-mouse?" He hums, finally looking away from her. "One more time." "Mouse. Why?" "Just making sure because someone had the fucking nerve to back talk me." He can see her body respond from his words alone. Her fingers tighten slightly on his sheets, making him purr from deep within his chest. "Strip." "H-huh?" He raises an eyebrow, slowly making his way towards her. "Is that a no, or a safe word?" She whimpers, knowing damn well that it isn't a safe word. She just can't bring herself to do it despite her wanting to obey him. She can see his eyes look over her hungrily, and it causes even more warmth to pool between her thighs. "C-Can you..." He lifts her chin so their eyes meet. "I'm here to pleasure you, Kitten. What do you need?" "P-please help me, daddy.." He groans and pulls her to her feet. "How can I resist such a pitiful request?" He only uses one hand to unhook her bra, tossing it somewhere behind him. When he hooks his fingers in the waistband of her pants, he looks into her ocean eyes for any look of discomfort. Instead, he's met with a glossed over gaze and a giggle. He can't help but smile as he finishes undressing her. "Lay down, Kitten." "What are you-" He puts a finger over her lips and helps her lay on the edge of the bed. "I think you know." Once he gets on his knees in the floor, her face glows crimson. "I-I- you really don't need-" "Oh, but I really want to. Now hush and let me wear you like earmuffs, princess." She whimpers as he makes himself comfortable between her legs.. His scruff drags over them as he leaves various bite marks and hickies on her plush thighs. "My word, Kitten," his chuckle is soft, "I've barely touched you, but you seem to have made a mess. What am I going to do with you?" He gently blows a stream of cold air across her slit, making her whine rather loudly. "Geez, loudmouth. I wonder if I can make you out perform Mic.." Her breath hitches when he places a gentle kiss right where she wants him to pay attention to. "P-please stop t-teasing me.." He smirks and gives a slight shrug. "Fine. I'll be nice this once, but don't expect it again. I expect you to beg for it next time." She nods just as he finally uses to fingers to spread her in front of him. Even without him actually doing anything, it makes her whimper needily.   "Look in my eyes, Kitten." She whimpers, but obeys the soft command. His usually slate colored eyes seem like lumps of charcoal from where he is. Maybe it's the way desire is practically burning in them. He slowly licks from her entrance to her clit, and the way her eyes roll in the back of her head makes him ache painfully in his sweatpants. It would be so easy, so amazing, to forget about the foreplay and take her right now. Despite that, he remembers that she's never actually been with a guy. It can be stressful the first time, and he would never put her in that situation. It doesn't take long for the slow licks to turn into harsh sucks, and bites along her inner thighs when he believes she's close to finishing. She lays her head back and whines pitifully, making him chuckle. "You'll get to finish, Kitten, don't worry. I'm just having fun." He starts gently sucking her clit again, and he notices her hips buck, so he uses one arm to hold her still. "So fucking impatient." His other hand slides up so he can push his middle finger in her, and the way he has to shove her hips back down is all the more amusing. "P-Please, daddy-" Her sentence is cut off by him adding another finger into her. "Oh come on," he chuckles and finally stands, "use your words, you brat." He looms over her, still pumping his fingers in and out of her at a faster pace. Her squeaks make him roll his eyes. "Words, Jasper." "I-I.. Fuck.." He smirks. "Needy brat. You'll get what you want, but I want to see you come undone like this first." She tries to form words, but everything seems to be coming out as whimpers and pitiful whines. Aizawa finally leans close to her ear, a smirk plastered on his face. "Either form the words, or you don't get to cum. If you do, we'll start all of this over until you listen to me." The threat doesn't go over her head. There is no way in hell she can handle that much torture from him. "N-no! P-please let me. I-I'm t-trying.." He chuckles. "There we go. A bit of threatening and you listen. What a well behaved pet." She tightens on his fingers, which makes him move faster. "Go ahead baby.. you don't have to ask this time." The coil that had been building in her abdomen for so long finally snaps, and she moans in his ear. One of her hands reaches for his bicep, and she digs her nails into his pale skin, leaving red marks in their path. He hisses a bit, but the feeling only makes him even more turned on. "S-shit! P-please, no more of that!" He chuckles and finally takes his fingers out of her. When he stands he asks her kindly to sit up, which she does despite her body still trembling. He looks her up and down, pleased with the thin layer of sweat covering her body, and the bright pink flush that covers the apples of her cheeks. She looks absolutely fucked already, and he hasn't even started. "Open your mouth." She does, and even sticks her tongue out. 'So fucking behaved already..' By the way her eyes widen, she wasn't expecting him to put the fingers that were just inside her in her mouth, but she closes her lips around them anyways. He can't help but sigh shakily when her feels her tongue swirling around them. She notices, and decides to send him a wink, which makes him pull the hand away. Instead of putting it back at his side, he reaches to grip her throat tightly. She moans loudly from the sudden contact, which makes him chuckle. "What a pretty little kitty.. and such a fitting collar.." She visibly shivers from his words. "Good girl. You wanna recreate what you just did to my fingers somewhere else?" She nods a bit too excitedly, but he enjoys watching her cheeks turn even redder. Once he releases his grip on her neck, she shyly reaches for the waistband of his pants. Once they're pulled down, she covers her mouth in shock at what's under them. He raises an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" "I-Oh fuck." "You and Mirko didn't use a strap or anything?" She shakes her head with an embarrassed laugh. "No.. we did.. you're.. bigger." When she looks up, his face is bright ass red. "Fucking.. shut up and use your mouth for something a bit more useful, Kitten. I'm getting impatient." She smirks, now equipped with a way to easily fluster her very dominant boyfriend. She gently pushes him backwards so she can get on her knees on the actual floor, and he turns an even darker shade of red. "You okay?" "You want me to be honest? I.. fuck. I never thought this would happen." She giggles and gently wraps one of her hands around his shaft, and the contact makes him suck in a sharp breath. "Look in my eyes, kitten." The moment she flicks her eyes up to his, she drags her tongue along the vein running on the underside of his cock. He groans loudly and places his right hand on the back of her head. "Do not tease me." "Y-yes sir." she immediately stops licking him and takes the tip in her mouth. He can tell she's really unsure what else to do, which makes him chuckle. "You're doing great- F-Fuck!" She shocks him by taking even more in her mouth. It takes a lot to keep his hips from bucking, but there's no way in hell he can expect her to handle it the first time. He grabs one of her hands and puts it on what she can't fit in her mouth. She flicks her eyes bac up to him before she starts stroking him slowly, which really is a contrast to the way she's hollowing her cheeks around the part of his cock that is in her mouth. "F-Fuck, Kitten. I thought you've n-never-" He cuts off, shivering when he sees spit come from her mouth and slide down to where her hand is still stroking. He opens his mouth in a moan, but quickly slams his hand over it when he hears his front door open. Jasper freezes in her place, but Aizawa shakes his head. "Hey," his voice drops to a whisper, "I'm sure it's just Mic. Keep going." She nods, suddenly taking him deeper down her throat. His hand wrenches in her hair. "You little shit.." However, a sudden, angry voice makes them both freeze again. "I can't be responsible for that, Hizashi. It isn't fair." Jasper pulls away, and Aizawa doesn't stop her when he realizes that it was Lilith's voice in the living room. Aizawa and jasper meet eyes and at the same time mutter 'mouse'. He's quick to scoop Jasper from the floor and place her gently on his bed. "Wait." He's quick yank his pants up and walk over to his dresser to grab one of the bottles of water for her. "Drink. Let me get you some comfy clothes to wear." Jasper nods, but she's listening to the somewhat quiet argument that Lilith and Mic seem to be having. "Kitten," she glances at Aizawa with a smile, "lets worry about them in a bit. I need to-" "Lilith, we agreed no feeling, and I can't help that I caught feelings! I-" "Mic, I am not arguing over this." Aizawa groans and slides one of his baggy shirts over Jasper's head. She puts it on the rest of the way while he grabs her underwear and a pair of his sweatpants for her. "Here. I'll go open one of the cookies for you." "I-I'm not hungry." "I don't care, baby. You need to eat after all of that. Plus, it will help bring you back down from your headspace." She sighs in defeat and takes the cookie from his outstretched hand. "You know what else will bring you down?" She tilts her head just as he smirks playfully. A sudden idea comes to her mind, and she grins. "Cuddles..?" "You read my mind, cutie. Scoot over." She eats the rest of her snack in one bite so she can hurry and finish getting dressed. Once both of them are in the bed, he pretty much pulls her on top of him. "S-Sho! I'm heavy!" "No, you really aren't. Shut up and let me hold you." He lays her head in the crook of his neck, absent-mindedly tracing circles on his bare chest. "Are you mad, Sho?" "Excuse me?" She giggles a bit from the response. "You didn't get to.. you know.." "No, baby, I'm not mad. That would be the dumbest thing to be mad about. I'm happy I got to do stuff with you." He kisses her cheek with a chuckle. "I really am the luckiest son of a bitch." "Ewww." He rolls his eyes and kisses her cheek like four more times. "I am, Jasper. Do you understand how many nights I thought of you on your knees in front of me?" "Y-you did?" He smirks. "Absolutely. Hell, Joke would want to have sex, and I couldn't. I felt.. dirty. All I wanted was you, and now I have you. Now all I can think about is.. gross romantic shit." She places her small hand on his cheek and presses their noses together. "You're a hopeless romantic, Sho." "Hmm. I never was before meeting you. You bring out the good part of my personality." "I like all of your personality." "Ah, yes, you're into men who look half dead." More yelling makes them both sigh. "Maybe we should-" "Come on, Kitten. Lets shut them up so we can nap." She wasn't exactly thinking of that, but it gets him to get up. Once his bedroom door opens, the fighting suddenly stops. "Shit, Sho, I had no idea you were home." Aizawa rubs his eyes, which makes the two of them think he was trying to sleep. "Yeah, sorry I'm shirtless. Let me fix that." Lilith laughs softly. "It's cool. I've seen a lot- Jasper?" When Jasper comes out of the bedroom, she rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. "Hey, Lils.." She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it when Aizawa bends down to give Jasper a soft kiss. "I'll be right back, baby." "O-okay, Sho." He chuckles and slips back into his bedroom to find a shirt. Lilith smirks, but Mic is the one to speak. "First date was here, I see." "N-no! We did go to the cat cafe.. and then to the duck pond.. and then here." Lilith looks her up and down. "His clothes? No bra?" "S-shut it!" "You two happened to interrupt right before we actually fucked. So, no, we didn't have sex." Aizawa walks past Jasper, but not before giving her a light smack on her ass. Lilith scoffs. "Oooh, did you already drop the 'L' word, too?" That makes Aizawa actually glare at her. "Absolutely not." Jasper nods in agreeance. There's no way that will come for a while despite what they do together. "Anyways, why are you and Mic fighting?" Mic's bright green eyes lose their shine. "Don't worry, baby. We're fine." "I would prefer you not lie to Jasper to save face." He turns an actual glare to Lilith. "It's no one else's business, so please act like an adult rather than a child, Lilith." Lilith's eyes widen, and Jasper's jaw drops. He knows how she feels about being called a child. Everyone here does. "You know what," Lilith's voice is dangerously calm, "fuck you, Yamada." Aizawa suddenly walks into the living room from the kitchen. "Hizashi Yamada." "H-huh?" Jasper quickly rushes over to Lilith and wraps her in a tight hug. Right when she does, there's a smack that rings through the room. Both of the girls look over just as Aizawa lowers his hand. A bright red hand mark is left on Mic's cheek. "Get out." "S-Sho-" "Get. Out. Go to Midnight's and calm down or I will kick your fucking ass." Mic is quick to rush out of the apartment. Aizawa lets out a curse, rubbing his stinging palm. "Is she okay?" "I'm fine.. thanks, Aizawa." He walks over and gives Lilith a loving pat on the back. She smiles from the subtle affectionate act. "I was going to have you stay with me tonight, Jas, but go home with her. I'll be spending the night explaining to Mic how we talk to people in this house." "Aizawa, I don't-" "Yeah, I agree. Let me go get my bra, and then can you drive us home?" "Of course, baby." It doesn't take long to gather her things, but she decides to leave the shirt she was wearing under Aizawa's pillow as a surprise. "Do you-" "Keep the clothes, baby. Come on." Jasper reaches and grabs Lilith's hand as they walk to the car. Lilith presses against her. "Hey," her voice drops to a whisper, "I don't mean to ruin your night." Jasper giggles and gives Lilith a soft kiss on her head. "You're always my number one priority, Lils. Nothing will ever replace you."  

@katgalle​

[feistygingerlove]

Girl at the End of the Bar (Chapter 2)

Rating: T Words: 1315 Pairing: Kristanna Summary: After a fight with her Fiance, Anna finds herself at a local bar with an overly attractive bartender, Kristoff.

AO3

Anna didn’t know how long she had stood at the door to her apartment, but she was sure it was shorter than the forever it felt like, but longer than necessary. She didn’t want to go back in there and deal with Hans, their fight the night before had been bad enough on its own, but after spending the night with Kristoff she didn’t want to go back inside even more. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Anna!” She opened her eyes once she had passed the threshold into the apartment, and saw Hans running to greet her, the panic in his voice sounding realer than she imagined it would. He pulled her into his arms, she reflexively wrapped her arms around him, but mostly because she knew he would be mad if she didn’t. “I was so worried that something had happened to you.”

“I’m sorry,” She said burying her face into his chest. “After last night, I just needed to get away for a night. I got a hotel room and stayed there.”

Hans nodded slowly, pulling her away from him and holding her at an arm's length, his hands resting forcefully on her shoulders. “You need to tell me before you disappear again, Anna.”

“I know. I...” She started, having prepared her argument for the last 30 minutes.

“How would it look if people found out that you ran away?” Hans asked her, moving his hand to cup her face, his thumb caressing her cheek.

“How would it look?” Anna asked, all of her calm draining out. “That’s what you care about? I could have been hurt or injured and you can only care about what it would look like?”

“Well, Christmas is only a few weeks away. I need you buy my side at all the Christmas parties,” Hans told her, his voice still calm, but she could see the anger in his eyes.

“Christmas Parties?” Anna scoffed. She jerked her head out of his hand and tried to move away from him but he grabbed her wrist.

“Anna, don’t get hysterical about this. You already ruined last night, don’t ruin today too,” He said.

Anna stared at him in astonishment. He had told her to leave. She started yelling, and he told her to leave until she could get an attitude adjustment. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Hans was just trying to keep the situation under control instead of spiraling like the night before. It would be fine. “I have to go take a shower.” Was all she got out.

“That seems reasonable,” Hans agreed, releasing her wrist. “Don’t forget we are getting drinks with my brother and his wife tonight.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” She said, before turning to head to their bedroom. She had of course forgotten, but she had long since stopped keeping track of Han’s plans, and purposefully forgot it if it had to do with one of his brothers.

------------------

“Oh yes, the yacht is doing wonderfully. We just made some upgrades on it last summer, you two really need to come back home sometime and see it,” Caleb, one of Hans’ older brother, said, rambling on about the family yacht. Anna could barely imagine being on a yacht, let alone having a family one.

“We will have to make time this summer, won’t we dear?” Hans said, still rambling about the yacht.

She had sat there for a full minute, paying attention to the way the wine swirled in her glass before she realized that Hans had directed the question at her. “Oh, yes definitely.” She finally got out, embarrassed that everybody was looking at her.

“Well, you obviously aren’t marrying her for her brains,” Caleb said, letting out a small chuckle, his wife joining in on the laughter. She opened her mouth to argue with him, but Hans shot her a look that definitely meant to be quiet.

“Have you ever even been on a boat?” Caleb’s wife, Anna couldn’t remember her name for the life of her, asked.

“Well, I grew up in Vermont, so while I have been on a boat a handful of times I have never been on anything as lavish as a yacht,” Anna answered. She knew the question was to make her look uncivilized or dumb, but she refused to give them the satisfaction.

“Well, you better correct that brother,” Caleb said. “Can’t marry a girl who has never even been on a yacht.”

“We’ll fix it before the wedding for sure,” Hans said, putting an arm possessively around Anna. “I am sure she will look even more beautiful at sea.”

Usually, Anna would have beamed at the compliment, usually, she enjoyed being shown off to all of Hans friends and family, but tonight the compliment fell flat. Maybe it was the people she was being shown off to, or maybe Hans was still mad from the night before and wasn’t as sincere, or maybe there was something wrong with her instead.

“Well, she definitely won’t be smarter at sea,” Caleb’s wife muttered into her glass, and they all laughed at her expense, even Hans.

------------------ Anna made them walk home from the bar that night, against Hans’ wishes. He had tried to get her to just let him get them a car, but she had refused to say the walk would be good for them. She thought maybe if they could get some alone time with just the two of them they could get back in sync, that she could put the night before out of her mind and move on with the life that she was living, the life that she wanted.

“Anna, do we really have to walk?” Hans asked for the millionth time.

“Yes, it’ll be good for us, get fresh air, enjoy our surroundings,” She said, linking her arm through his so they could really walk together.

“But this is what poor people do,” he said, dragging his feet as they walked.

“Oh, what a scandal,” she said sarcastically, and she could feel the irritation inside of him.

“You know, you should consider yourself lucky that you found a man who would marry you with that mouth of yours,” He said, looking straight ahead.

“Well, I guess it helps that I’m pretty,” She said bitterly, still trying to put the words of his brother- and sister-in-law out of her mind.

“Don’t get started,” Hans warned her.

“I don’t like that you didn’t stick up for me back there,” Anna admitted looking up at him, hoping he would look at her, but he kept looking straight ahead.

“Well, maybe you should have been paying more attention....” Hans had started on a lecture about something, but she realized that they were standing in front of the bar from the night before. The name Bjorgman’s Bar in big bright letters having caught her eye. Was this bar really on their way home? She hadn’t realized how close it was to their apartment. She had barely processed anything on the way home that morning, let alone distance.

“Anna,” Hans said, pulling on her arm and bringing her back to reality. “This is exactly what I am talking about. You don’t pay attention.”

She looked at him confused, realized that they were no longer arm and arm, and wondered how long she had stood in front of the bar. She wished she could see inside, but the windows were tinted and all she could see was some movement inside. “I’m...I’m sorry, Hans. I have just been in a bit of a fog lately.”

“Obviously. Let's get you away from this cesspool, and get home,” he said, putting an arm around her and dragging her back to their path. She managed one last look at the bar behind her before letting herself be dragged back to their apartment.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Where The Lamb Sleeps Under The White Tiger’s Tail

some fluff but it’s actually lucid and angsty at first but turns soft

--------------

She knows there’s a lot that Joan isn’t telling her. There are dark bruises beneath her eyes, and she doesn’t sleep, not really. Bessie or Maria or Maggie sometimes say they come downstairs in the middle of the night to get a glass of water and find her sitting in the kitchen, a cold cup of tea nearby and her mind far away.

They say her eyes are distant. Glazed. Glassy.

They say she looks blind.

That is usually enough to set a worried stone in Jane’s stomach. Of course she’s going be concerned over Joan- she was her former lady in waiting and she was so young. But, damnit all, that girl was hard to figure out!

Joan was just as clueless, really. About knowing herself. She didn’t. She didn’t know who she was outside of the memories left behind from when she served under Jane. However, before and after the queen’s death...nothing.

She just couldn’t remember.

Did she have insomnia in her past life? She wonders that a lot. Because it’s been five days and you would at least THINK she would be tired (and she is, yeah, and it hurts to stay awake, yes, but she just can’t rest, y’know?) but...sleep feels impossible.

It isn't for lack of trying. She's laid in her bed hundreds of times, under the covers, lights off (but the dark is bad. the dark is smothering. the dark is agony), eyes closed for what feels like hours. Time tends to bend and twist when all she wants to do is close her eyes and rest. Seconds always feel like minutes, and minutes are hours, and honestly, just laying in her bed waiting for sleep seems to be making her more awake, and that is completely unfair. 

She should be tired. She should be exhausted. But she just...isn’t.

Anxiety. That’s what Joan thinks is the reason her insomnia is so bad. She’s always got things she has to do as music director and if she sleeps then she loses time, and if she loses time she doesn’t get stuff done, and if she doesn’t get stuff done then people get mad.

And that is not something she wants to happen.

But there’s something else, too. A fear worse than the anxiety. Something cold and painful.

So, so painful...

Micro-sleep has set in, she realizes. Short seconds of rest because she snaps awake with enough of a jerk to give her whiplash. Like now, and she rubbed her neck after the hard flinch her entire body did.

   “Joan?”

Joan blinked away black spots and then smiled at Jane, who was standing beside the chair she was sitting in.

   “It’s time to leave, love.” Jane told her.

   “Oh!” Joan jumped up, but that makes her head spin and suddenly she feels nauseous and her legs won’t work and- is the ground getting closer...?

   “Easy,” Jane murmured and Joan realizes the queen had caught her, “Easy, honey. I’ve got you.”

   “Sorry,” Joan said quickly, straightening up.

   “Are you feeling okay?” Jane asked as if she didn’t already know about the girl’s obvious sleeping issues.

   “Yeah,” Joan answered swiftly, almost getting prickly. She always hated that question.

   “If you insist,” Jane muttered, deciding not to push it. The worry was unbearable, though. She hated seeing her Joan like this.

That’s when a light bulb went off in her head.

   “Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?”

Joan couldn’t help but perk up. She always loved being able to spend time with the queen, so, of course, she agreed.

Jane’s plan was like a bear trap and she just fell right into it.

Bear...

Trap?

Bear trap

Bear trap

Bear trap—

the screaming the blood the cold the pain it’s the only thing the only thing the HELP SOMEBODY HELP only thing she can remember but-

Joan’s crying into the casserole Jane made and she would almost laugh at how funny that sounds if her lungs weren’t knotted up and her ankle didn’t feel like it was on fire. Her chest and neck, too, but the pain wasn’t the familiar burn a panic attack caused. No, this was different. This was worse.

Actually, the humiliation is probably the thing that’s worse because all the queens were staring at her.

By the way, when did she get to Jane’s house? How long has she been there? Was her brain that muddled?

A voice cuts through the fog in her mind and cotton in her ears. A strong, yet warm voice ordering everyone out.

Then, a touch on her shoulder.

   “I froze,” She tells Jane, barely a whisper.

Jane is silent. She’s crouched beside the dining table chair, kinda like a tiger waiting to pounce.

   “I froze,” Joan repeats. “Over and over, and it’s never really over, Jane.” Jane wants to reach out and hold her, but what if she recoils from her? “You know, I’ve… I’ve seen my brother alive again, and Edward gone, and you happy, but, sometimes, you’re a distant figure I never truly get to know. And I’ve froze and I’ve froze and I’ve froze.” She’s almost sobbing now.

   “I don’t know if I’ve made it this time, if I’m home safe. I can never really remember after it ends, but it all feels so real. Too real. It’s real, Jane, it’s real-” She chokes hard and Jane has had enough. She lunges forward and pulls Joan into her arms, tucking her head under her chin and just holding her there.

   “I’m tired,” She cries into her chest, “I’m so tired, Jane.”

   “It’s okay,” Jane said into her hair. She doesn’t know if that’s true or not, but she’s finally, finally talking about it. “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

   “Am I?” Joan sobbed and Jane feels her heart shatter at that.

   “I’m here,” Jane murmured. She began to rub up and down Joan’s back, rocking her in her arms and she realizes she’s feeling the same maternal affection she thought would only be sparked by Katherine. Because of this, she dares to try something, “Mum’s here, sweetheart. Mum’s got you.”

Joan froze, but then relaxed. She hiccuped and her voice pitched when she spoke again.

   “Mama,” She whimpered and, for some reason, that felt so familiar on her tongue. She couldn’t remember her own mother, and Jane certainly couldn’t have been her biological one, but...

   “I’m right here, sweetie,” Jane told her, “I’m right here.”

Joan cries steadily for around five more minutes, several days worth of sleep deprivation and stress and misery crashing down at her with force. Eventually, her heaving breaths and sobs quiet down until she’s just hiccuping softly.

Jane shifts the girl in her arms and looks down at her. Joan is snuggled up close to her chest, out like a light after she essentially cried herself to sleep. Jane’s heart swelled a little and she gently kissed the top of her head.

However, her mind was a complete whirlwind.

Frozen?

———

      Joan awoke to a daze of warmth and dull pain. She barely got her eyes open before thunder crashes loudly and her entire body lurches in fright. Her head jerks up from the pillow and she looks around the dim room before her  eyes settle on the woman sitting on a chair beside the bed.

   “Oh, you’re awake.” Jane set aside the weaving she was working on. “That...wasn’t a long time, love. Are you still tired?”

She was. She really, really was, but she didn’t think she would get that lucky again.

Joan tried to answer, but her words came out sounding more like a wheeze that turned into coughing. Pain contorts her face as her throat is scraped raw.

   “Here-” Jane reaches her hands out and helps the girl sit up so she could get a drink from the water bottle on the nightstand. “Small sips, sweetheart. Drink slowly. You don’t want to upset your stomach.”

The tone of voice she was using made butterflies flutter in Joan’s stomach.

   “You really worried me, you know?” Jane spoke again.

Joan nodded a little. She was still for a moment before laying her head on Jane’s leg, as she was close enough. The queen’s hands hover for a moment before stroking through Joan’s messy blonde hair, soothing her further.

Suddenly, other people are in the room and Joan tensed up and Jane is loudly shushing them. Joan pries her heavy eyelids back open to see the other queens peeking in. They smile at her and she tries to smile back, but it’s thin and lopsided. Jane notices and frowns.

   “Are you okay?” She asked softly, smoothing back a rather stubborn strand of blonde hair that wouldn’t stay down on the girl’s head. Joan just shrugs shyly. “You can tell me, honey.”

   “Just a little nauseous,” Joan mumbled.

   “That’s probably from staying up for days at a time,” Parr rattled off from the doorway, “Trust me, I know. Sleep deprivation tends to make you feel a little sick because your immune system weakens and-”

   “Who needs the sheep when you can just have Cathy bore Joan to sleep?” Anne tittered in a good-natured way.

   “Sheep?” Joan questioned, looking very confused. She couldn’t tell if she had heard that right, but then she saw the smirk on Jane’s lips and got a little nervous. “M-my Lady?”

   “Get the sheep.”

Katherine ran out of the room. Joan still has no idea what they mean (to be honest, she thinks it’s some kind of torture method as punishment for crying on Jane and calling her “mama” like she was child, like she was Katherine) until a stuffed sheep is suddenly hurled at her face.

   “I got it from a shop in town,” Jane explained, “It reminded me of what I used to call you, so I bought it. Now seemed like the best time to finally give it to you.”

   “Ah.” Joan nodded and nuzzles her face against the wool of the stupid thing when nobody is looking because it means so much more than a piece of fabric with some stuffing inside.

She sinks back against Jane when the other queens eventually leave them be, eyes half lidded and breath slowing. There’s a lump in her throat but it isn’t caused by her past panic attack. She quickly tries to swallow it.

The silence lasts a few more minutes before Jane starts to hum softly, her fingers finding Joan’s hair again, an suddenly the girl feels like she might cry all over again because she can’t remember someone ever caring for her like this. Loving her the way this queen does right now.

Tears drip from her closed eyes and splatter onto Jane’s legs, but it goes unnoticed for a while and Joan holds it tight, bites down on her lip and squeezes her eyes tighter. But the tears accumulate on Jane’s pant leg and the hand rubbing up and down her side stops moving.

   “Joan?” The queen whispers, leaning over in an attempt to see Joan’s face. “Little Lamb, are you okay?”

A whimper bubbles forth at the use of the nickname and Jane’s muscles tighten in worry at it.

   “What’s wrong?”

   “No,” Joan murmured. She sits up and the tears running down her cheeks glisten in the light from the lamp. “No, nothing’s wrong. It’s right. It’s all just so right.”

Jane almost looks stunned and it makes Joan laugh weakly. She’s trying to wipe away the tears but they just keep coming.

   “I just- Thank you for taking care of me today. I’ve never… I can’t remember having something like that and- it was nice. It was really, really nice.” She said, her voice cracking and pitching at the end and the emotions overflow.

Joan wasn’t sure it was possible to crack even further, but it was the sheep plush she was clutching, the tight hug from Jane, the soft kiss pressed to her temple, the “always” whispered in her ear...

Everything about it was perfect, and she didn’t even care about the tears anymore. She just clung to the queen, knowing she was protected in her arms, knowing she was loved.

Maybe, she thought, rest would come today after all.

[toothpastecanyon]

Beauty and the Beast, Chapter 4

Read on Archive of Our Own

________________________________________________________________

               Poke. “Dad.” Poke. “Dad.”

               Basden groans at the feeling of something squashing his cheek. He cracks an eye open and stares at the fuzzy green figure of Pauline’s school uniform. A bowl of cereal in one hand, she’s nudging him with the TV remote in her other one.

               “You fell asleep on the couch, Dad.”

               “Hmm...?” He rubs his eyes, drags his hands down his face. “Oh, I, uh, I guess I did…”

               “You’re a weirdo. Can I sit here?”

               “Huh?”

               She waves the remote at him. “I wanted to watch my show… um, are you okay? I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were super asleep-”

               “No, no, it’s fine.” He heaves himself up and pats the seat. “Watch your show, kid. I was gonna get up anyway.”

               Pauline nervously perches next to him. She turns on the TV, and noise washes into his brain; Basden blinks, slowly, trying to shake off the grogginess that’s muddling up his mind like fog.

               His back’s got a hell of a crick in it… ow, hurts to stretch. He’s getting a little too old to be sleeping on the couch.

               “...Dad? Dad?”

               “Wha… what is it, Pauline?”

               “Do you, um, do you know math?”

               He frowns. “Math? What do you- oh, you need some help with school?”

               “No, I-I don’t need help, I can do it on my own!” She tenses up. “Um, nevermind, nevermind, it’s fine…”

               Basden watches her stare ahead at the TV, pointedly ignoring eye contact. He raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure? It’s no trouble to me, kid. I’ve taught math classes before. If you need me to go over something with you, there’s nothing in middle school that’s gonna stump me.”

               “Are you sure?”

               He shuffles closer. “Sure I’m sure! What are you having trouble with?”

               “I’m not having trouble with anything!” Pauline shrinks back at that; words spill out of her mouth faster and faster and faster. “I-I just, there’s a test on Friday a-about algebra and I don’t know if I fully get it, I-I don’t know if I’m gonna get an A and Mom’s gonna be really mad at me if I don’t get an A so I need to-”

               “Whoa, whoa. It’s okay! We’ll go over it tonight, alright?” He gives her a smile. “You’ll do fine.”

               She doesn’t look entirely convinced, but she nods. Basden opens his mouth to say more-

               But at that moment there’s a bloodcurdling scream from the kitchen.

               “Marla?!” He’s on his feet in a second. “What happened? Are you-”

               “It’s gone!”

               “What’s gone? Marla?”

               Rounding the corner, he spots her - unharmed,  thank the stars - gaping open mouthed at the freezer. She turns to him with that same shocked expression.

               “Somebody ate all my chocolate!”

               Basden’s heart is still hammering in his chest. He lets out a breath, and lets his shoulders relax. “Please don’t scream like that again.”

               “Where’d my chocolate go, though?” She looks over at Pauline, staring wide-eyed from the couch. “Did you eat it?”

               She shakes her head.

               “Are you sure? ‘Cause I don’t even think I’d be mad - I’d be honestly impressed. This is a lot of chocolate gone missing right now.” She chuckles. “But seriously, where’s it at? Dad?”

               Pauline backs up to the stairs. “I-I’m going to my room…”

               “You shouldn’t be having chocolate for breakfast, Marlie.” Basden watches her dart out of sight, then leans in close. “It is gone, though. Your, uh, pet ate it last night.”

               “What? All of it?”

               “Yes. All of the chocolate is gone.”

               “Wow… aww, dammit, Toother!” She turns around, and suddenly the demon is on the counter looking very sorry for itself. “I was really looking forward to that! How’d you even fit them all in? Those were three huge bars!”

               “Four. It ate Pauline’s, too.”

               “Oh. Whoops. Sorry Dad; or should I say sorry to her, or…?”

               “It’s fine.” Basden shuffles away from the demon. “Just get it off the counter, please.”

               Marla nods, then stabs a finger upstairs. “Alright, Toother, you are not super selling yourself to my Dad! Go back to my room! No, don’t give me the puppy dog eyes - off you go!”

               It turns around and seems to twist out of existence. Basden lets out a sigh.

               “It listens to you much more than it does to me.”

               “Yeah, we’re buds!” She picks out a box of cereal. “Sorry, Dad, didn’t realise he gave you trouble last night.”

               “It’s fine.”

               “So what were you doing downstairs anyway?”

               He looks up, and she’s grinning at him all of a sudden. “What?”

               “I saw your little set up on the couch.” Marla walks back into the living room, eating cereal straight out of the box. “Looked real comfy - not!”

               “Oh, heh,” he trails behind her. “Don’t worry about it, Marlie. It wasn’t too bad.”

               “What were you doing down there? J’s all mad at you again?”

               “Um, yes-”

               “Oh my stars, she’s ridiculous.”

               Basden frowns. “No, uh, don’t say that, Marla. Try… try to be understanding-”

               She scoffs at that.

               “Marla-”

               “Oop, speak of the devil.”

               She leans back on the couch, and Basden turns at the sound of footsteps coming down the staircase. It’s Janet; he sees the icy expression she’s wearing, and tries for a smile.

               “O-oh, good, um, good morning!” His voice jumps an octave; he ignores the giggle-snort Marla breaks into from beside him. “How did you, how did you sleep?”

               Janet reaches the bottom and gives him a withering look… then turns and walks into the kitchen without saying a word. He sighs.

               “Ooooooh...” Marla shoves some cereal in her mouth. “She maaaad .”

               “Marla, please.”

               She keeps snickering away, and a second later Janet comes storming out of the kitchen and snatches the cereal box out of her hand.

               “Wha- hey! Ever heard of please?”

               “No eating in the living room.”

               “Since when was that a rule?” Marla watches her stalk back into the kitchen and get out a bowl. “Helloo? Janet? Since when was that a-”

               “Stop arguing with me, Marla, I really can’t take it today.”

               “But I’m not-”

               “I don’t care, just shut up or go to your room!”

               Janet she brings the bowl down with a thunk at that - Marla clamps her mouth shut. Basden can feel her shoot him a look, but he doesn’t meet her eyes. He clears his throat and shuffles forwards.

               “Uh, Jannie?” He leans on the doorway, watching her wrench the fridge open and stick her head in, out of his sight. “Um, I-I’m heading into work for a few hours, Jannie… I can swing by the, um, the grocery store on the way back? If… If you’d like that...”

               Without picking anything out, Janet slams the fridge door shut. Then she grabs both the bowl and the box of cereal and walks past him like he’s not even there, heading back upstairs without another word.

               “Uh… o-okay. I’ll look at the, um… shopping list... Have a nice day, dear! I love you... I’m sorry.”

               No reply. Basden’s strained smile finally falls off his face, and his shoulders sink. It’s going to be like this for a while, it seems.

               “Smooth, Dad.” Marla crosses her arms. “Real smooth. So since when was ‘no eating in the living room’ a thing?”

               He blinks. “Huh?”

               “Since two seconds ago when Pauline left, or is this another one of those rules that only applies to me?”

               "Oh, uh, no, you can eat in the living room. Janet’s a little upset right now, she probably just-”

               “Ah, so you do admit her rules are just reactionary bullshit!”

               His head shoots up. “What? No, Marla, I was just saying-”

               “That she makes up random rules whenever she’s mad at something? Sounds like bullshit to me.”

               “Marlie, she’s…” He sighs, and rubs his eyes. “Can we, can we please not discuss Janet right now? I’m sorry, she’s just… having a rough day today.”

               Marla lets out a huff of air, but she does drop the subject. A few moments later, in a more even tone, she says, “So you’re going into work today? I thought you took the week off.”

               “I did, but I have some enchantments I want to transcribe. I’ll be a couple hours… do you want anything from the store?”

               “Can I come with?”

               Basden looks over at her. “You want to... come with me? Oh, you don’t have to do that anymore.”

               “Don’t have to, but I want to! You’re not teaching a class today, right?” She grins. “C’mon, let me hang out at your office! Just like old times - it’ll be fun!”

               “Well, it probably won’t be fun. I’ll be busy-”

               “Then I promise I won’t disturb you, Dad! I’ll bring my laptop; you’ll work on work stuff, I’ll work on school stuff! It’ll be super serious study time!”

               He raises an eyebrow. “That sounds dreadfully boring for you, Marlie. Are you sure?”

               “Heck yeah, I’m sure!” She nudges him. “C’mon, off-fice trip! Off-fice trip! Off-fice trip!”

               “Well… If you really do promise, I suppose I could take you-”

               “Yes!”

               Basden chuckles as she punches the air. “Not sure why you’re so excited, but okay, then. We’re leaving in ten minutes - why don’t you get dressed?”

               She races up the stairs, and he watches her go. He almost swears he sees something follow, right by her ankles.

________________________________________________________________

               “Ah. So this is why you’re so excited.”

               “Can I get a soda?” Marla leans into his arm as he pulls into a gas station. “Pleaaaase, Dad?”

               “Hmm… soda for breakfast doesn’t sound so healthy.”

               “I had breakfast! I had cereal! C’mon, Dad, pleaaaaase, I didn’t get to eat any of my English chocolate!”

               “No, you didn’t. Because the pet you brought in ate it.”

               “Wha- you’re really not gonna let me have one?”

               “I didn’t say that.” A smile tugs at his lips as Marla pauses. “I didn’t not say that, though. We’ll see.”

               She flops dramatically against the window. “Oh, the suspense! It’s... killing me…”

               “Is it now.”

               “I’m dying… from the sugar deprivation…”

               “Sugar deprivation?”

               “It’s a real thing…” Slumping in her seat, she sticks her tongue out. “Bleh. I’m dead.”

               You’re dead?”

               “I’m dead. Here lies - err, sits - Marla, dead of no sugar.”

               “Oh, dear.” Basden parks by a pump. “I hope soda has regenerative properties.”

               She perks up. “I’ve heard it does!”

               “That’s lucky. This ride might have started to smell, otherwise.”

               “Wha- hey! My dead body would smell lovely, thank you very much!”

               He blinks at that, then lets out a shocked snort. “Morbid. That’s, ah… well, I started it, I suppose.”

               “C’mon, Dad, I am gonna start smelling at the rate we’re getting out of the car!”

               “Heh, uh…” She opens the door, and he catches her shoulder. “Hey, wait, um, why don’t you stay in the car? I-I’ll go and pay. ”

               Basden watches her pause. Her smile stays on her face, but she deflates, a little. Almost unconsciously, one hand comes up the side of her neck to brush against her yellow-and-red striped ear tag.

               “Can’t I just go outside? I’ll stay by the car.” She does a small laugh. “Heh, my legs, they’re getting cramped! Yeah…”

               He thinks on it, and then nods. “Alright, but, uh, do stay by the car, please.”

               “I will, I promise! Thanks, Dad.”

               “No problem, Marlie.” He puts an arm around her and hugs, a little tightly. “I love you. I’ll get your soda.”

               “Love you too.”

               They both get out, and Basden glances back a couple times as he heads into the store. Watches Marla stretch, then lean back on the car as she looks around the environment. Even from a distance, the fluorescent eartag flashes him every time she turns her head.

               At that, he grimaces. He’s not technically supposed to leave her unsupervised... he'll be quick.

               Basden darts into the gas station, grabs a soda, and waits in line. It’s a little longer than he’d’ve liked; he taps his foot, and keeps looking back, out of the glass door.

               A car pulls upright alongside his - some kind of old, off-white beater missing its bumper. He gets a little pit in his stomach.

               Four people pile out and… they walk past Marla. As expected - he knew, most likely, that nothing was going to happen - but it still gives him a little rush of relief.

               Basden steps forward in line, and glances back at the people again. They’re about Marla’s age, he notes - probably a year or so older, if they’re driving. By the way they’re laughing and shoving each other, they’re clearly a group of friends just having a good time.

               Back by the car, he spots Marla staring at them as well. She’s leaning on the hood, leaning very far forwards, as close as she can get to them.

               He can’t make out her expression, but she’s still. Just staring at them. Listening to them laugh.

               They walk up to the door, and Basden turns back to the front before he looks creepy. He can certainly hear them once they’re through, though.

               “Yooo! That sounds crazy!”

               “Yeah, I had one helluva weekend. How was yours, Sandy?”

               “Eugh, work. Always work.”

               “True, true. Hey, I’m gonna get a soda - you guys wanna snack or something?”

               “Nah, I’m good.”

               “No, thanks.”

               “Hmm… I’ll get a soda too.”

               “I’ll get it for you, Sandy.” One girl steps away. “Pitt, right?”

               “Yeah, Cherry Pitt.”

               There’s a couple chuckles.

               “Ugh, gross.”

               “You heathen.”

               “Oh, screw all of you. Cherry Pitt’s the best!”

               “Haha, I’ll get it for you, Sandy. Even if you’re objectively wrong.”

               Basden reaches the counter and pays. He shuffles past the group, then jogs outside, soda cold against his fingers. Marla waves at the sight of him.

               “Hey, Dad!”

               “Hi, Marlie!” He hands her the drink. “Here you are.”

               “Thanks! I was looking forward to this.” She fans herself with the neck of her hoodie. “Man, it’s hot out today, isn’t it? Like an oven - I dunno how people used to live without AC.”

               “You want me to turn on the car?”

               “Huh? Oh, nah.” There’s a psshhh as the soda opens. “I’m good out here.”

               Basden starts the gas pump, and as it’s filling up, he notices the four teenagers walking out of the building. They’re coming back to the car, and he watches Marla stiffen at the sight of them.

               For a split second, she shoots a look at the front door. Then she flips herself around rather abruptly, leaning on the boot of the car, ear-tagged side facing away, in such a forced-casual pose Basden almost lets out a snort. He swallows the sound and tries not to look like he’s watching as the teenagers approach.

               “How’s that gasoline tasting, Sandy?”

               “Hah! Yeah, how’s it tasting?”

               “I’m about to leave all y’all here.”

               They pass by Marla, and the girl in front - Sandy, probably - catches her eyes for a second. Marla tips her drink, and in a lower voice she goes: “Yo.”

               “Oh, uh, hey.” Sandy flashes her a polite smile before looking back at her group. “Can somebody turn on the AC while I’m filling up? It is hot as hell out here.”

               They’ve gone behind the gas pumps, out of sight of Marla. They don’t notice how her tiny, trying-not-to-blush smile breaks into a great big beaming grin. She takes a swig of soda, shoots a glance at Basden - he’s still pretending not to watch - and then slowly backs away, back into the safety of the car.

               Basden sees all that, and he can’t help but give a smile of his own. Her happiness is infectious, and when he finishes filling up and gets back in the car, he sees her messing with some DVD’s in the glove department; she puts one on, and giggles at him when it starts to play loud drums.

               “What even is this music, Dad? I love it!”

               One of Lizzie’s favourites - ‘Heard This All Before’ by Chipped Ceramic. That makes him chuckle. “I haven’t listened to this in a while.”

               “Mmm... duh - your boyfriend! “ She tries to sing along to lyrics she doesn’t know. “Uh, uh… -take you on a ride! Something something baby!”

               Basden pulls out of the station as the chorus ramps up. He starts to sing along, quietly at first. Marla joins in with volume when the verses repeat, and she lifts his voice.

               The two of them cruise along the road, belting their hearts out.

________________________________________________________________

               Enchanting is one thing. Transcribing enchantments into a usable runic format? That’s an entirely different beast. Basden’s sitting at the desk in his office, rubbing his temple as he tries to decide whether ‘squiggly diagonal happy line’ should be expressed with the symbol for ‘joy’ or the one for ‘triumph.’ It’s a slow, frustrating, headache-inducing process, and he knows there’s still another fifty lines left to be wrestled in a similar manner.

               This is why he thought Marla would’ve been bored to tears, but, sneaking a look at her, she seems perfectly content sitting in his swivel chair by the corner. Her laptop’s set to the side - clearly she did get tired of working on her classes - but she’s spinning around gently, reading one of the many books he has on shelves lining his office walls.

               He raises an eyebrow. She never used to like these trips to work.

               From when she was around ten until she was twelve, Basden used to bring her along whenever he didn’t have to teach a class. She’d just gotten kicked out of school for the first time, and Lizzie was… gone, so he couldn’t leave her home alone.  He could call a babysitter - and he did when he had to teach - but the only one in the county who didn’t run away screaming the second he handed them keys to the basement safe room charged quite a high rate for her service.

               So to the office Marla went. He tried to make it fun for her, but he knew it was boring. She’s like Lizzie was - she loves to be loud, to sing, to shout, to dance and laugh and run around without a care in the world.

               But here, she has to sit. She has to be still. She has to be silent. No amount of sodas or candy or video games was ever able to keep her happy, and it was a relief for the both of them when she could go back to school again.

               Funny… that was a couple years ago now, but Basden can remember it like it was yesterday. Maybe that’s why it’s so jarring to see her now.

               Sitting quietly, with a little smile on her face.

               Just reading away.

               Marla looks up at that moment, and catches him staring. She grins, and he grins back before returning to his work. All without a sound… huh.

               He supposes she’s older now. She can appreciate a little quiet time in a way she couldn’t when she was ten.

               It’s nice, Basden thinks, just to sit with her like this. Maybe he should start inviting her again.

               That’s when there’s a knock on the door. Looking up, he sees the blurry figure of a face peering through the frosted glass.

               “Who’s that?” Marla asks. He shrugs.

               “I don’t know… who is that?”

               “Professor?” comes a voice; Basden suppresses a groan at the sound. That sounds like one of his students, and… well, it’s not that he hates teaching, it’s just that he’s much more interested in the portion of his job spent researching enchantments as opposed to the one explaining them to others.

               (Plus, he had to pick up a Magic 101 class this year, and now he has a bunch of freshman banging down his door all through his office hours to ask him questions they could’ve googled. He suspects this is what is happening now.)

               The voice continues. “Professor, um, can I ask you something? Your door says you’re out of office until Friday, but I could see you in here, so…”

               He sighs. “Come in.”

               The door swings open, and a gangly young man with a fat blue backpack comes shuffling inside. He hits a bookshelf with it while he’s turning, and a neat row of hardbacks topple sideways.

               “Hi, Professor!” He walks up to the desk. “I just had some questions about the homework?”

               “Alright. Why don’t you sit down, and we’ll go over them?”

               The student looks around, and that’s when Basden remembers Marla has the chair. Marla seems to realise it too; she jumps up and wheels it over.

               “Oop, sorry dude. I stole this from you.”

               The student takes the chair. “Oh, thanks! I didn’t know where I was supposed to-”

               He looks up at Marla, and then he freezes, staring at her with rapidly widening eyes. But he’s not really staring at her - he’s staring at the tag on her ear. The fluorescent, impossible to miss, red-and-yellow striped tag sticking out of her hair.

               Basden watches how her smile goes crooked.

               How she tries to hide it with a hand.

               How she tries to laugh it off.

               “Haha, you trying to catch flies with that mouth?” She edges away, giving Basden a look . “I thought you came to ask questions, right?”

               Basden clears his throat. “Um, th-this is my daughter, Marlene. She’s just helping me out for, for today… So, homework!”

               The student glances back at him. His jaw opens and shuts; finally he seems to find his voice. “W-werewolf!”

               “Yes. Just like the fifty or so werewolves that attend or work at the university here-”

               “But!” He stabs a finger at his ear. “It’s the, the dangerous type! Unstable transformer!”

               Marla snorts. “Autobots, roll out.”

               “Can she even be here? Like, you know, legally?”

               Basden grits his teeth. “Yes, Marlene is legally allowed to be here with me, and as you can see, she is completely fine. Please sit down.”

               “But…”

               “You had some questions about your homework?”

               With great hesitation and a lot of glances back at Marla, the student sits down in the chair and brings his work out. As Basden’s going over it, he’s jumpy, distracted, on edge; every time Marla so much as twitches, he’s ready to run for the door. As for Marla, she sulks in the corner at first, but the confusion and the hurt and the frustration in her face slowly gets pushed down and replaced by a wide, dangerous grin.

               Basden recognises that look. She steps forward, and he knows that things are not about to turn out well for this student.

               “So…” She says, and comes up right behind the guy. He almost jumps out of his chair. “What’s your name, bud?”

               “Uh… J-Jason? Jason.”

               “Jason Jason? Huh, that’s a weird name. Your parents must’ve hated you.”

               Basden lets out a sigh. “Marla, please leave him alone. We’re nearly finished.”

               “Wow, you’re nearly finished?” She scoots closer as he edges away. “That must be record time for you, getting all your questions answered this fast!”

               “Um-”

               “You know, ‘cause I bet you just generally have a lot of questions about stuff in your life.” Marla’s smile sharpens. “You don’t strike me as very bright.”

               “Marla...”

               “Heck, I think I belong here more than you! At least I know how to turn my homework in on time, you know what I’m saying?”

               “Marla, that’s, that’s enough.” Basden cringes at the glare she shoots him. “Just let us finish, please.”

               Jason rises to his feet, trembling. “A-actually, I-I think I’m good. I can figure it out from here.”

               “Are you sure? You can stay-”

               “No! No, uh, I have somewhere to be.” He backs away from the desk. “I need to go.”

               “Aww, alright.” Marla waves at him. “Bye, Jason Jason! It was so nice to be a normal human with you, I- ack!”

               She drops to her hands and knees, and Basden’s heart catches in his chest. Jason’s eyes bulge like saucers.

               “Oh, no!” She cries out. “It’s happening!”

               Jason backs away clutching his bag. “Wh-what’s going on? What are you-”

               “The chaaaaange!” Rolling onto her back with a melodramatic wail, Marla extends one hand out to him. “It’s… upon me… Get out while you still have time! Ahhhhh!”

               He lets out a high pitched scream and bolts out of the door. Once he’s gone, her wailing starts to sound suspiciously giggly.

               “Rahhhh… I’m dying… dying…” She flops her arms down. “And I’m dead. Bleh.”

               Basden looks down at her, his heart still hammering in his chest. He swallows a couple times, and then speaks.

               “Marla…”

               “No Marla here. Dead people can’t talk-”

               “ Marla !” His raised voice makes them both jump. “Sorry! Sorry, but you can’t just… you really shouldn’t joke about that.”

               “Aww, c’mon, it was funny! Did’ja see his face?”

               “N-no, you’re not getting it. Jokes like that, they could get you in a-a lot of trouble, Marla. And I’m liable for you.” He makes a face. “So, please , don’t.”

               Marla stands up. Her cheeks are burning with embarrassment; she scowls to hide that, hunches up her shoulders and crosses her arms and stares him down defiantly.

               “Well-! Fine! Next time someone decides to treat me like a freak, I guess I’ll just sit there and take it! Wouldn’t want to get in trouble, would we!”

               “That’s not what I’m saying-”

               “I didn’t even start it! I was just sitting there - he’s the one who came in here and started acting like I was gonna tear his fucking face off!” She lets out a huff. “He was acting ridiculous , so of course I was gonna mess with him! Screw me for trying to have a sense of humour about it!”

               “Marla, you should take a deep-”

               “Oh, I’m getting all mad again, huh? Run for the hills, the big scary monster raised her voice.” She turns away, and takes a deep, shuddering breath. Basden expects her to talk again, but she just keeps breathing, in, and out, in, and out.

               She keeps her head firmly turned away, but he can see her hand reach up and wipe her eyes.

               Basden sighs. “Marla...”

               “What? What else did I do wrong?”

               “Marla-”

               “I just wanted to have a nice day with you.” Her voice is tight, thick. “I just wanted you to have a nice day with me. I wanted to be good, I didn’t want to be your... your liability.”

               She stops, there, and Basden moves out from behind his desk. “Marla,” He says, and puts a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not a liability.”

               “Yeah, right.”

               “You’re not.” He wraps her up in a hug; she stiffens at that, then relaxes against him. “I had a wonderful day with you, Marlie; you were so good, staying quiet for me while I was working.”

               She doesn’t say anything, and he squeezes tighter.

               “You really were. In fact, I-I was thinking about letting you come in with me again, but…” He falters. “I-if you were just doing this to please me… I thought you might’ve been enjoying the quiet, but I wouldn’t want you to-”

               “No, no, that’s not what I meant.” She shakes her head. “I did have fun. I blew through my homework, I read some books - it was great! It was nice to be out of the house for a while, you know?”

               “Yes. I’m… I’m sure it was.”

               They fall into silence, for a moment. Then, in a small, nervous voice, Marla speaks again.

               “You’d really like me to come back after the stunt I pulled?”

               Basden smiles.

               “I would love you to, Marla.”

________________________________________________________________

               “It’s weird.”

               Sunset. Cruising down the road, the same DVD playing, but neither of them are singing. Marla’s fingering the grocery in her lap, talking slowly.

               “It is, you know?” She laughs a little. “That Jason guy was stupid, but sometimes... I feel like people like him, they’re right.”

               Basden turns the music down low. He drives, and listens.

               “They make a huge deal out of the werewolf thing, and I don’t want it to be a big deal so I don’t like it, but, I mean, it is a big deal, isn’t it? It’s dangerous, and it’s always right there - it’s like when you stub your toe, you know? And you want to swear ‘cause it hurts?” She pokes a hole in the bag. “That’s what it feels like when I get mad. I want to swear, I want to let it out , but I can’t. If I do I’ll hurt somebody… or worse.”

               Basden reaches an arm over. She lets him touch her shoulder for a moment, then shrugs him off.

               “I don’t want it to be some big deal, you know?” With a sigh, she sinks back against the seat. “We get into arguments, and I don’t want you feel like you’ve gotta tiptoe around me, tell me to breathe all the time…”

               “It’s okay, Marla.”

               “It’s not okay, though! You’re my Dad , you should get to yell at me for doing dumb stuff, okay! The werewolf joke thing - that was pretty dumb!” She gives a harsh chuckle. “I’m looking back on it and that was a real dud. Bad idea - I have those sometimes; shocking, I know. Solid zero out of ten, let’s be happy the police weren’t called.”

               He laughs a little. “Yes, let’s be happy about that.”

               “But you see? I know I do stupid stuff sometimes! I know you’ve gotta call me out on my crap sometimes, and I don’t want you to be scared of doing that!” Marla looks down, down at her hands. She sighs. Then, softly…

               “I don’t want you to be scared of me.”

               The song that’s playing is fading out now, fading out into silence. Basden puts a hand on her arm, and squeezes.

               “I’m not scared of you, Marla. I promise.”

               She laughs at that; not a happy laugh. “You’re the only one left who isn’t.”

               “That’s not true-”

               “You know it is.” Marla reaches over, and turns off the music as it starts again. “You ever see how fast Pauline leaves a room when I walk in? It’s not just all the Jasons out there; she’s just waiting for me to snap all the time. Her and Janet, but Janet’s worse. She tries to make me snap.”

               He hesitates, then shakes his head. “No, that’s not… she’s not doing it on purpose, Marla, you two-”

               ‘Just have very different personalities, yeah.” She rolls her eyes. “Sure. I’m a disaster, and she’s an asshole.”

               “She’s not a- ugh.” Basden’s not going to convince her right now; he picks a different battle. “You’re not a disaster, Marla.”

               “Oh, yeah? Janet says I am.”

               “She doesn’t say-”

               “She does. She says that exact word, Dad. Along with a lot of other words.” Marla’s still trying to smile, but she shoots him a hard look. “You don’t know what she’s like when you’re not here.”

               Basden struggles to reply. “Well, I’m sure she didn’t mean… I’m sure she wasn’t being serious-”

               “Oh, so she’s joking with me when she says I'm a disaster child and that I belong in the pound? Don’t you think she’s got a bit of a mean sense of humor, Dad?”

               “Well…”

               “Whatever.” Marla huffs a sigh. “You’re gonna defend her no matter what - forget I said anything. Let’s talk about something else.���

               “No, no, you should say something if that’s bothering you! I’m glad you told me - that’s not okay for her to make you feel like that.”

               She just rolls her eyes again. “Cool, so what are you gonna do, give her a ‘talk’? That worked the last hundred times - I’m sure it’ll change things for realsies now.”

               “...Communication is important. I’m sure she doesn’t realise how much she’s-”

               “Yeah. Alright, thanks for trying, Dad.”

               Marla crosses her arms, and looks away, out of the window. It’s dark outside now. The sun has gone down, he can’t think of anything to say, and they’re nearly home. The rest of the way is spent in silence.

               When Basden pulls in, Marla almost immediately takes off her seatbelt. She grabs the bag and opens the door… then pauses, just before she gets out.

               “Today was fun,” she says.

               “Yeah.” He says back. “Yeah. It, uh, was...”

               His sentence ends like it’s unfinished, but he can’t think of anything more to say. Marla gets out of the car after a moment.

               “I love you, Dad.”

               “I love you too… Marla. Marla?”

               She’s already walked away. Basden sighs, and looks down. He notices the car’s still on; he turns the key, turns it off, off the lights go, into darkness. And for a second he sits there in the darkness, hands on a steering wheel he can’t turn anymore.

               The lights are on inside. He should go there. With another sigh, he turns, and grabs-

               Not the handle . Something furry and warm, then there’s a growl that makes him yelp and tangle up in his seatbelt as he tries to get away...

               Yellow eyes are peering at him from just below the window. Yellow eyes - Basden doesn’t know whether that makes him relieved or not. He frowns.

               “You again? Why do you have to keep scaring me like this? Why do you…?” He watches the demon step over his legs, walk up his stomach and sit itself down right on his chest. “Um. H-hi.”

               It’s lighter than he expected. He holds his breath, waiting for it to say something, to do anything other than stare at him with that… that strangely intense look it’s got on right now. What is it doing? What is it thinking?

               He has no idea until it starts to speak.

               “I̧ k͝new̕ i͞t.” It rumbles. “I͝ ̴kn͡ew ͠y̧o͡u ̷w͘e͘r͢e f͈͎͉̝̦a͔m͢i̡̖̣͇l̯i̭a̵̬̻͎͍r̻.”

               Basden blinks. It’s grinning at him now, grinning very, very wide.

               “Fa-familiar?” He shrinks away from those teeth. “No, uh, I-I don’t think that’s right. I’ve never met you before I went to-”

               “ Lionel .”

               That word. That name. Basden doesn’t hear a hint of reverb in the demon’s voice; it’s said so softly, so gently, so lovingly… it’s hard to believe it came from a mouth that bares three rows of deadly teeth.

               The demon smiles at him with that mouth, smiles at him with eyes that are glowing and inhuman yet, somehow, soft and nostalgic. He doesn’t know what to say, and the demon continues.

               “ Lionel ,” The demon says again, savouring that word. “That’s who you are. Lionel.”

               Basden grimaces. After a moment, he finally finds his voice again.

               “Um… I-I don’t…” He clears his throat. “I-I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person.”

               It blinks, yet it keeps smiling.

               “My name isn’t Lionel, it’s, um, Basden. Basden Mauriciano.” Basden watches its expression flatten to a blankness. “Sorry. I’m sure whoever this Lionel is, you can find them!”

               “Yo̷u͏'re di̕ffe͠ren͟t͟.” Says the demon. Not a question, but he nods.

               “Um, yes.”

               “No͏t̨ L͘io̕ne͡l. ̧Di͡ff̴erent.” Its expression seems to crumple. “D͕͉͟i̛f̧̖̼f͚̠e̻̦͇ṛ̲e̩n̫̬̰t͎͕͚͈ ̷ḁ̸͍̫̞g̮̕a̢͎̠̞̻i͎̺͎̤n̝͞ͅ.̻ A̻l͚̲͉w̤a͍̟̥y̮̦̮͟s̫ ̥̗̘̻͖ͅd҉͍̻i͉̦̞̥̬͖f̶f̠̺͘ḙ̰̖͘r̹̰̫͖ͅe͉̬̰͕n͕t̵, A̖͔̠L̖̹̜̪̮͚W̩͕̙̱͙̟̼Ą͎̤̩Y̡͈͇̬̙̮̝̻S͓͕ ̯̪̠͇͚͜D͚͍̼͓͇̺͞I̴̜F̞̖̬̼̪͡F̩̰̣̘̺E̞R͉̼̯ͅE̪N҉͉̠̟͚T̶!̼̮̳”

               Basden presses himself against the seat, but the demon isn’t interested in him - not anymore. It makes a noise that’s a terrible mix between a roar and a wail and whirls back into the shadows it came from.

               He sits up, breathing hard. With a trembling hand, he reaches for the car door again… and feels nothing.

               The demon is gone - physically, at least. There’s still a sort of presence in the air, a heaviness like how it feels when it’s just rained. A sadness, he feels… almost a sulkiness.

               Basden gives a wry smile at that. An aura of mopey demon - not something he ever expected to encounter in his life. This whole demon thing was a rollercoaster of these unexpected events... Unexpected names. Mizar, and now Lionel.

               What did it all mean?

               “Dad?”

               Marla’s voice makes him look up. She’s standing by the front door, peering into the darkness.

               “Dad? Are you still out here?”

               “Um,” Basden untangles himself from the seatbelt and opens the door. “Coming! Coming, sorry!”

               “What were you doing?” She gives him a concerned smile as he jogs up to her. “Listening to music, or something?”

               “Uh… yeah, um, sure. Just had to let a song play out, I guess.”

               “Alright, you do you. Oh, also Janet wants to give you something.”

               He blinks. “Wha- oh, hi Janet!”

               She standing off to the side of the stairs, scowling as she holds a phone up to her ear. One glance in his direction… then her eyes settle on Marla, and the scowl deepens.

               “Okay, now go to your room.”

               Marla crosses her arms. “What if I don’t wanna?”

               “Stop being difficult, Marla!” She snaps. Basden frowns. “Go to your room, your father has to take a business call.”

               “Is it, uh, Gaston?” He clears his throat. “I… I don’t mind if she, um-”

               Janet cuts him off like he’s not even talking. “Go to your room right now , Marla. This is not a discussion!”

               “I dunno, Dad sounded like he didn’t mind if I stayed down here.” She nudged him. “Eh? Whaddaya say? I’ll be quiet, promise!”

               Basden blinks. For the first time since the argument last night, Janet actually, properly turns to look at him… and she looks furious ; he quails under the sheer level of malice that’s now being directed at him.

               “Uh-um…” He starts. She shakes her head, once, and he cringes. “No, um, why don’t you… why don’t you go to your room, Marla?”

               “But Dad-”

               “No, no, I-I don’t think… I think you should go. That sounds like a good, um, a good idea.”

               Marla stares up at him, but he doesn’t meet her eyes. Her fists clench. After a moment, she turns and stomps upstairs without another word. Janet rolls her eyes.

               “Drama queen,” she says, and he grimaces.

               “Um… Jannie, a-about Marla, could I maybe, maybe talk to you about-”

               “Whatever it is, Basden, it’ll have to wait! My brother’s been on the line for ages waiting to talk to you!” She talks into the phone. “Yes, he’s finally ready. Here he is.”

               Then she shoves it into his hands, and walks away. Basden starts after her, but there’s a voice from the phone - he puts it up to his ear.

               “-you been, Basden?” Gaston’s saying in his booming voice. “Any more kidnappings happen to ya? Hah!”

               “Hi, uh, Gaston. Haha, nice to-”

               “I’m hilarious, I know! Now listen: me and LeFuté, we struck one hell of a deal this morning! Just you wait, old man - you’re gonna love this!”

[dehvastation]

Fallout (With @MismatchedFreak)

Dehv: ~ I was moving almost before the car stopped. Pushing out of the door and starting to make my way towards the infirmary. Vishous quickly redirected me and I grunted in acknowledgement as I managed to make it through the double doors and almost barrelled right into Fritz who had moved ahead to open the doors for us. “Shit, sorry.” He shook his head and then stepped closer to me before starting to walk towards the infirmary. I knew that I needed to get checked out. But I really just wanted to see Qhuinn and ensure things had gone ok for him. “Fritz, is Qhuinn around?” I didn’t bother looking around, instead focusing my rapidly declining vision on the man in front of me. He shook his head and spoke quietly “He had to go out as soon as the sun went down. I am sure he’ll be back safely soon, Sir. For now get checked out and then, if you’re allowed, I’ll bring you something to eat.” He smiled slightly, and I got the distinct impression he was excited about the prospect of bringing food down to whoever was working tonight.

Once we were inside everything moved at light speed. I was poked and prodded. Needles stuck anywhere there was a vein. I was stripped down and thrown into a less than flattering paper thing that was not staying on me after they’d done their initial run through. I begged for a shower after they’d run fingers and scanners over every inch of my skin. I was allowed it, though Doc wasn’t too happy. Especially with how quickly my eyes were deteriorating. I knew I had to feed, but I wasn’t going to do anything until Qhuinn arrived and I knew he was safe. I’d tried messaging a couple of times, but then my vision had blacked out more frequently. Like a lightbulb that was on the way out. I ended up just asking Siri to call him after that. Leaving a message the first few times and then realising he’d get back to me when he could, and leaving 500 messages wasn’t really going to help. Instead I breathed deep and left one last message that I hoped would sound a little less panicked, “Hey Qhuinn. I’m back from the mission from hell. I’m a little beat up, but nothing too worrisome. Fritz has told me you’re back in the manse, but he got that info second hand. When you are done with Wrath or whoever, it’d be really nice to see you.” I poked my thumb at my screen and was pleased when I heard the phone disconnect. I’d not mentioned any of my injuries in my messages. Just left the odd ramble about being back and wanting to see him. Though as soon as he knew where I was he’d probably come thinking I’d broken someone’s nose. It was the norm for me. I lay back just as the Doc wandered into the room, I could tell right away from the temp dropping a good few degrees that I was in for some bad news. “Ok, what’s the verdict and then I’ll wait on Qhuinn getting here. I’ll feed, sleep, eat and then by tomorrow I’ll be back to normal right?” I tried to keep my voice light as I smiled to hide the nerves. Though it didn’t stop my heart rate from kicking up a notch or two when she paused. Then cleared her throat. Then moved a little closer to the bed. The machine I was attached to let her know exactly how I reacted to that stalling tactic and I felt a blush creep over my cheeks. I hated letting nerves show through, even though I was probably well within my right now that I couldn’t see more than the odd shadow or depth change when the lights got brighter. She moved again, this time she seemed to hesitate before placing her palm on my right forearm. The one that wasn’t presently in a cast. I tipped my head, hoping I was looking in her general direction and waited. “We need to get you blood right away. I’m concerned about your eyes with the fact you’ve got to also heal your hip, back, arm and hands. I’ll bring in a chosen right away and you can feed. That way we’ll have a good start on this. With the fact you didn’t lose your sight right away, and the slow progression, I’m worried it’s not something that will fix easily, quickly or possibly at all.” I swallowed hard and then clenched my jaw. Taking a minute to process before I spoke. “Qhuinn will be here soon enough. I’ll feed from him first and see what the outcome is. From there, and only when he’s here, will I consider feeding from another.” I didn’t wait on the Doc’s thoughts on that, instead turning my back to her and pulling the blanket up over me. I had my phone balanced in my left hand, fingers barely able to curl enough to hold it. But I wanted to be sure that if Qhuinn called before coming to find me, that I wasn’t going to miss him. ~

Qhuinn:  [There were sadly no trainees or Brothers in the gym when I got there, which sucked. I was hoping for a good sparring session to work out my frustrations at the fact those little assholes managed to get another pass into the program. Instead I found myself knocking the shit out of the heavy bag that hung in the corner until my arms felt like jelly and sweat ran off me in puddles. On the way to the shower, I glanced at the time and wondered if Dehv was back from whatever the hell he was doing with Vishous. Maybe I could rectify this shitshow of a day yet. I showered quickly and dressed in my spare shorts and tee before I went back to my office to grab my phone. I tapped the button to power it up and frowned and the influx of messages that were waiting. What the hell? I didn’t think I’d had it off that…shit, the last time I checked it was before the meeting I think and I silenced it so it wouldn’t go off during it, not wanting to piss of the King. Fuck. I unlocked the screen and started scrolling through the texts as I hit the button for the voicemails. It was the last one that had my heart thudding in my chest. It barely finished playing before I was out the door, damn near running to the clinic. I almost plowed down Doc as she stepped out of the doors, “It’s about time you got here, get in there and tell him to feed.” I blinked and nodded stiffly before I pushed passed her into the clinic. It was easy to find my male and the growl that slipped out couldn’t be stopped as I made my way to his bedside. I knew the scent of spice was pouring off me but I didn’t give a shit if anyone else caught on. I crouched down in front of the bed, eyes running over him to take in every bandage and fresh bruise] What the ever loving fuck happened to you? This is not a little beaten up

Dehv: ~ I heard the Doc sigh and then she checked over a few of my vitals. I ensured I kept my back to her and even closed my eyes to try and rest a little. I heard as she shuffled around and then paused. I could just imagine her giving me a look that would have turned me to ash on the spot had I been looking at her, before turning to leave. The door shut and I heard her speaking, my heart spiking when I realised it might just be Qhuinn. My phone hasn’t beeped, so he’d obviously got my message and rushed over. Though I poked my phone out of habit anyway, the light showing through the fog of my fucked eyes, but nothing else. I sighed quietly and then shifted on the bed. Now the Doc was gone, I tried to get into a move comfortable position. The bang from the door made me jump, but then I was surrounded by the scent of Qhuinn. In this case a highly pissed off Qhuinn. But it still relaxed me regardless. I inhaled deeply and let my eyes drift shut again. Enjoying the couple of seconds it took him to charge across the room to the side of the bed. I didn’t rush, slowly opening my eyes to look in the direction that the bed dipped slightly. Though I wasn’t sure if it was a hand, butt or just generally him being in that area. I felt his eyes on me, even though I couldn’t see jack shit. It kept me smiling. The relief on its down that he was back from wherever he’d been dragged off to overriding anything. Possibly also the painkillers I was on, but I was going to pretend it was purely happiness. I chuckled at his wording and shook my head. “I’m mostly fine. I got a little busted up, and I know you can’t guess how. Since until tonight I’d have laughed in your face if you’d have told me. It was completely fucked up.” I felt the smile drop, my brows knitting together as I thought back on it. A full shudder worked through my body at the thought of others not being as lucky as me and Vishous at the end. Being spat out in sunlight, not being able to fight the lesser or falling on any of the spikes would have been a death sentence. We’d got out because we’d been let out. Not because we’d gotten out on our own. And that made my brain spin in 100 directions. I licked over my lips and then cleared my throat, lifting my eyes slowly to the ceiling before letting them drift back towards my imagined male. “How did your meeting with Wrath go? I’m guessing not well if you disappeared off the grid for a chunk of the night?” ~

Qhuinn: [I didn’t want to crowd his bed but I couldn’t stop folding my arms across the side as I dropped down to my knees so I wouldn’t have to bed over to look at him. I combed my fingers through his hair sighed. Something was wrong with the way he was looking at me and that sent the alarms off in my head. I wanted E here or something. Why they weren’t doing more for him right now pissed me the hell off. He was a trainee in their program and had been injured under the eyes of a damn Brother. Again. Maybe it was the Brothers who needed a damn course in how to do shit again. I narrowed my eyes and growled as he spoke] Mostly fine? Dehv, you can’t even look me in the eyes right now so don’t give me that shit. You said you were just going out with V for something he needed help with so what the fuck happened? Also, why isn’t there a damn chosen feeding you right now so you can heal? 

[I shook my head and huffed out a breath as I continued to play with his hair. It was pretty much the safest spot to touch him it seemed considering the cast and wires and all that other shit going on. .] No, it didn’t go well. Wrath….well, Tie and Bernie are back in the program. So that’s fun. Wrath had no choice in the matter, which means I have even less of one. I got back and hit the gym until I heard from you…but being me, I left my phone in the office or I’d have been here sooner. 

Dehv: ~ I felt the growl rise as quickly as the words were spoken. I pushed up slightly with my good arm and blinked over and over. I really wished I could fucking see. Those idiots were back in the damn programme. What the actual fuck? “What the actual fuck?” I shook my head and reached up to take the calming fingers threading through my hair so I could link our hands together. “They’re back in the programme. After attacking you in front of us all and refusing to take orders? They’ll kill someone before we’re done training. Either in training or when we’re out on the streets.” I exhaled hard and dropped my chin, eyes shutting as my head moved from side to side. They were glymera, so they had probably blackmailed Wrath or Qhuinn, or someone, to get that kind of offer put on the table. I had no doubt Qhuinn was pissed, and that was why he’d not answered his phone and gotten to me faster. “You had to hold your temper didn’t you? Please tell me they didn’t parade you in front of those two weasels in order to show that they could keep you on a leash?” I looked in his general direction, though I knew my frown was in place. It made me fucking angry that he’d be forced to do that. That Wrath would agree to that. I really hoped the answers to my questions were a big fat no, and that he’d just been in his office and forgotten to take his phone off silent after his meetings. 

I then exhaled again and swallowed. “So, my night. It didn’t really go to plan if I’m honest.” I squirked a brow and chuckled humourlessly. “It started ok. Emergency call came through, Vishous paired up with whoever was available. I was surprised because it was so close to sun rise, but I wasn’t leaving him on his own. We got there, and it was just………weird. I can’t tell you why, it just felt wrong. It was an abandoned building. But there was nothing from the outside to say that there was an issue. We checked it out, then went through the front doors. Exactly how we practice in training and how we’ve done before out on patrol. Vishous lead and I basically just followed. Then, fuck. The whole thing went to shit.” I took a minute to explain what was happening. My left arm in the cast waving in front of my unfocused eyes when I got to the bit about the sunlight and trying to read the numbers. The falling through the floor and punching through the wall came next. I didn’t bother rolling so he could see my back, I wasn’t pissing off that slight wound now it had stopped screaming. “My shoulder and hip were already bruised from the training anyway. It just pushed them harder. Most of it will be healed once I’ve fed. Or so they say. Others, um, others might take a little longer to heal. But they hope it’s reversible.” I shrugged a shoulder and tried not to let the fear show on my face. I had released Qhuinn’s hand when I was talking through the various rooms that had been created in that death trap of a warehouse. Talking with my fingers about being drugged and then waking up in an empty space, so my good hand was free to reach forward and thankfully connect with hard muscle. I curled my fingers in Qhuinn’s shirt and tugged slightly. “I’m not feeding because I couldn’t reach you and I was worried. I don’t need a chosen, I only need you.” ~

Qhuinn: [I narrowed my eyes and my growl came out louder this time as he first tried to avoid my questioning by focusing on the wrong damn thing, but before I could get on his ass about it, he finally told me what the fuck happened. Little shit was still trying to gloss over his injuries though. I frowned at what he was telling me, it didn’t add up. No-one went into shit like that without a little intel and the Brother should have known better, taking a fucking trainee…at least when I fucked up, I had the information. Not my fault demons found us then. I shook my head and grumbled more] Obviously that’s more than a little fucking bruising. You can’t roll to your back, you can’t fucking look at me, your arm is in a cast. What do they hope is reversible? 

[I growled a little louder at his stubbornness, and yet I still found myself leaning in as he tugged my shirt. I was shaking my head even as I brought my free hand up to cup his chin, mindful not to hit any more of his injuries] I’ll gladly give you my damn vein, but you need a chosen too. You’ll heal faster with the pure blood and all that. I am sorry I forgot to turn my phone back on though. I’d have been here sooner fighting you. After the meeting and seeing those two little assholes with their smug ass faces…

[I shook my head again and huffed out a breath] Yeah, I had to hold my temper in front of them both along with their parents. I told Wrath they were a liability, but his hands were pretty much fuckin tied if they want to keep the program goin right now. By the time we got back, I needed to blow off steam. Not sure I could have even held a conversation at that point.

Dehv: ~ I found that I was frowning. I couldn’t see Qhuinn’s face to know what was going on in his head, and I found that I took a lot of my cues from what he wasn’t saying rather than what he was. I waited on him finishing speaking before I licked across my lips. I hadn’t wanted to move, but I’d said what the issues were, I’d even gone into detail about why I couldn’t look at him, namely because I couldn’t actually see him. Maybe he needed details, or I’d totally and utterly fucked over his brain with an overload of what ifs. I inhaled slowly, then let it back out again, my eyes closing for just a moment as I tried to get my brain back into gear. I then pushed gently to try and roll to my stomach, the action pissing off my back and pretty much every other part of me if I was honest. “The floor, spikey. It ripped up my back before I could do much about it. But Vishous was protecting me from flying lumps of metal, which probably would have done far more damage ripping through me. We really didn’t have any information. You know he wouldn’t have gone in blind if he’d had a choice. And no, I can’t look at you because I can’t see you. I can sort of see light changes if they are bright enough, but I couldn’t tell you exactly where you were unless I have you nose to nose with me and I have to just look forward. That’s……well they hope that’s reversible. But since we’re not really a race to run headlong into sunlight, or stare through concentrated rays of it on the regular, they don’t really have a time frame like the do for the rest of me. It shouldn’t take more than a few feeds and some sleep. The cast, I’ve been told, is just to keep me from putting it at the wrong angle while it heals.” I didn’t move from my weird half stomach, half side position, but I did try to lift my chin to look in Qhuinn’s direction again before I started speaking. Wishing yet again that I could read his expression rather than having to rely on his words and tone. I cleared my throat and then dropped my eyes again so I wasn’t straining to see something that wasn’t about to happen any time soon. “I guess you’re right, a chosen will be best. I’m sorry I waited on you.” 

I blinked a few times to get rid of the overly dry feeling in my eyes and then shook my head. “Those two are going to kill someone. Or team up with the wrong side at some point. I’d have been hard pressed to hold my temper in that situation. I’m surprised that Wrath was able to, blackmailing your king isn’t the best idea in the world. They back asap, or do we get a few weeks to actually learn something without getting our ankles broken in the process?” I snorted at the thought. The two of them were a liability. They had it out for Qhuinn, that much was evident in the attack and then the bullshit need for a verbal apology. It made my skin crawl to know that Qhuinn would have to go ahead and teach them while no doubt getting blowback for every tiny thing. I also had a feeling that they’d try their best to push every boundary there was and bend that rulebook until one or more of the trainees around them snapped. With a low growl I shuffled on the bed until I was in a more comfortable position and used my good hand to run it through my hair. “You staying while I feed?” ~

Qhuinn: [I shook my head and bit back the growl that threatened at my utter frustration. I didn’t need to hear the details again. I could see the results of whatever the fuck happened. Shit that shouldn’t have happened. I couldn’t even lash out at him because what the hell good would that do. Despite the fact he should have known better and if he didn’t have the information he never should have taken a trainee into an unknown situation like this. I took several calming breaths. Something Wraith had taught me because I was ready to fucking blow. My male obviously thought I was an idiot. Or his head had been knocked to hard to understand my frustration. All I wanted him to do was see the seriousness of his injuries and not try to brush them off. The wind was knocked out of me though when he confirmed it was the eyes they weren’t certain about. Because of course it would be that. Sure Wrath made it work but they’d never allow another blind male to continue in the program. And what of his business? I bit my tongue again to keep from ranting about how this shouldn’t have happened. Instead, he finally gave me something I could do to help. I slapped the damn call button so hard and when Jane came over the intercom, I demanded a chosen afuckingsap. I could hear the anger/hurt in his voice but I couldn’t help it.] you’re right, you shouldn’t have waited, your health is more important than that. You can feed from me all you want but dammit, Dehv, I want you healing so I can take you home and care for you. I can’t do that if you don’t take care of you first. And of course I’ll be here while you feed. Like I’m going to give some chosen a chance to lure you over to the dark side. 

[I shook my head and sighed again at the return to the trainee program.] They’ll probably try for me based on their attitudes tonight. They’re back in immediately. I have to make up some bullshit to tell the others too since they’re gonna want to know why they get another chance. Just one of the perks of being low man on the totem pole that is the Brotherhood. There will be cameras and random Brothers popping in, as if I didn’t think I did a shitty enough job without all that. 

Dehv: ~ I felt the silence, as I couldn’t see it. It weighed on me and I felt even smaller as I tried to line things up in my brain with what I was hearing and feeling. It was fucking ridiculous that I couldn’t see anything, and I was struggling to figure out which other sense to use. My gut was telling me that Qhuinn was probably just frustrated and scared, just as I was, but my ears and my head were telling me a whole host of other things. Mainly that I was a complete idiot and I was now an additional burden. One that Qhuinn really didn’t need with everything going on with the Brotherhood, especially now that the idiots had been brought back into the training programme. I didn’t want to worry anyone, and I really didn’t want Qhuinn to worry. The only injury I was really worried about was my eyes. The rest would heal with a good feed or two. Nothing was life threatening, and I knew that if it was I’d have been told. Whatever had been used to knock us out had gone from my system, and the other stuff were basically surface wounds in the grand scheme of things. The eyes though, they were likely going to be an issue, deeper to heal and who knew how sunlight would affect them. And I was pissed off already, Qhuinn sounded about ready to burst. 

I opened my mouth to try and explain my confusion when the sudden noise made me jump. I groaned as my back shot fire through me. My brain telling me it was just Qhuinn getting me a chosen while also trying to calm my body back down again. I breathed hard, Qhuinn’s words making me feel shitty and warm and fuzzy all at the same time. I blinked in his general direction and frowned. My voice working, though I knew it was laced with my uncertainty. “I’m in no way lurable by a female. I’ll be sure to remember next time you need a chosen though.” I tried for a smile, but knew it fell flat. Instead I listened for the telltale sign of footsteps outside, knowing that Jane and the chosen were likely already on their way if they’d wanted me to feed earlier. I kept my gaze away from Qhuinn, or so I hoped, while I spoke. “I can’t see you. I have to go on what you say or how you sound. I’m not used to that, I can normally see what you’re not saying, or what you mean by your eyes or face. I’m sorry I’m not really interpreting correctly right now. It’ll get better, and I’ll be back to normal before you know it.” I nodded and rubbed my good hand against my face. Both eyes feeling dryer than they should despite the fact I was blinking more and feeling a little more sorry for myself than I normally did. 

I swallowed hard as the door opened and I instantly looked in Qhuinn’s direction for confirmation that it was ok. He didn’t feel like he’d tensed up, and the room still felt as calm as it had when Qhuinn walked in. Which meant I was able to guess it was in fact Jane and a chosen. I spoke to Qhuinn before I address the newcomers though. “Cameras and random brothers is good. You’ll have me, Nhick and Davidson too. As well as a lot of other trainees who aren’t about to see one of their own fucked over again. I hear both sides of the conversation, or at least as much as you’ll ever tell me. But I hear everything the trainees are talking about. I know that they were shocked at the attack, and then when they find out they’re back in, without barely a slap on the wrist. I really hope Wrath has some kind of plan in place to explain that to everyone. It won’t go down well.” I shook my head and then looked towards Jane as she introduced the chosen. The normal formal stuff that came with it also happened. I wasn’t sure where the chosen was, or whether it was wrist or throat she was offering. I had to assume throat when I felt the bed dip with the weight of someone on the other side to where Qhuinn had been. I’d not heard him move. Which meant Jane or the chosen was sitting or moving beside me. I blinked again and tried to push myself into a sitting position without looking like I’d rather flay off my own skin. “Um, thank you. For your blood I mean. I should have taken Jane up on the offer sooner. I’m honoured you’re willing to help me.” I nodded and licked over my lips as I suddenly felt self conscious. Feeding was just that unless it was with Qhuinn. And yet being unable to see what was going on, and therefore unable to see what the chosen expected made my pulse jump with uncertainty. I glanced to my side, hoping Qhuinn knew me well enough to read me and help so I could feed quickly and then get back to just the two of us. ~

Qhuinn:  [I had let out a low chuff of laughter when there was the slightest hint of a joke during all this. Apparently he still hadn’t realized I was all in and this was endfuckinggame for me.] I look forward to you watching me quite intently next time that happens. 

[I shook my head and sighed as I took his hand in mine. I needed to do something but at the same time, there was no way I could leave his side to work out the frustrations. ] Normal is overrated, but you need to get better, that’s why you need to be feeding. If I sound pissed, you need to know it’s not at you.  But yeah, I’m angry and ready to rip someones head off with this whole thing. I mean, one fucking break, that’s all I wanted for us. Maybe I’m cursed…who the fuck knows at this point. 

[I watched him rub his eyes, then blinking like they were irritated, which had me looking towards the door as if that would get Jane moving her ass any fucking quicker. When the door did finally open, Jane was followed by a dark haired Chosen, one I wasn’t familiar with. My hackles raised and I could smell the spicy scent rolling off me. I heard Dehv start in on the whole training thing but I was too focused on making sure he was taken care of and that the chosen knew her damn place. When she started to offer her throat, I held up my other hand with a low, rattling growl.] the wrist will be fine, Chosen. And you’d do well to be mindful of his injuries. 

[I saw and heard Jane try to hide a laugh and my eyes narrowed at her. She raised a hand in surrender and quickly moved around to check Dehv over. I was grateful for her assistance, so much so that I actually bit my tongue and let Dehv handle this shit without taking over. No matter how much I wanted to. Or how much I wanted to insist with go to UGH. The Chosen shrugged and moved so she was sitting, being very mindful of her positioning so she wasn’t touching Dehv more than she needed as she held her wrist up towards his mouth, her eyes on me as if waiting for my approval. I nodded slowly and she relaxed slightly, her words soft as she told Dehv to take what he needed]

Dehv: ~ I heard the growl, his words working through me just as quickly. I lifted my good hand to grip the chosen’s wrist ,but didn’t bring it to my lips right away. “As intently as you’re watching me right now?” I quirked a brow and blinked, the hand in a cast bumping against my temple as I tried to rub my eyes again. “I know, it’s you not me. I think that’s a classic break up line isn’t it?” I chuckled quietly and then let my fangs extend so I could claps onto the female’s wrist. Points sinking into the flesh and through to the vein, the blood hitting my tongue instantly. I tried to be quick and make it as painless as possible, but I heard the slight gasp as I broke skin. It always made me feel shitty, but it needed to be done. I slowly drank, taking pulls deep enough to get it over with, without causing the Chosen any discomfort. I lifted my knee to hide the natural response to feeding. I was comfortable doing this, had been doing it my entire life, and while I wasn’t used to being blind and having an audience, it was normal for our bodies to react to feeding appropriately. Normally I had a little ability to focus in on keeping things low key, but with my injuries I really didn’t have the brain power, or body control for it. It made me far more uncomfortable than a normal feeding. Especially after the joke from Qhuinn. As much as I knew how well he knew me, and how much he trusted me, it really wasn’t the best reaction to his words. 

I fed for as long as I could handle it and then pulled back. Softly thanking the female for her services and I let her wrist go so she could close the wound and get rested up. I knew it always caused some after effect when one of us fed from them. Especially when it was because we were injured. I shifted in the bed uncomfortably and ran my tongue over my fangs. Willing everything to go back to normal so I could get some rest and finish talking with Qhuinn. 

I wiped my thumb across my lips in the hope that there wasn’t any drool or blood, and then listened hard to see if there was anyone still in the room. I hoped Qhuinn had stayed, but past the amazing smell of his bonding scent that still lingered in the room, I couldn’t tell if he was still there or whether he’d nipped out. I heard murmuring and then the click of the door shutting. I swallowed hard and sighed slowly, “Are we alone?” I blinked again and shifted yet again, my back already feeling better thanks to the blood of the Chosen. “Works fast, I can almost feel it working. I wonder what it’ll be like when I wake up.” I didn’t worry too much about who was in the room, but I wanted them done. I was injured, tired and thanks to the blood running through my system, in a state I’d rather no one but my male saw. I really wanted a shower and if I was honest, just to get out the bed and move around. See if I could stop everything from tensing up. I didn’t voice that though, instead falling silent in the hopes that Qhuinn would assure me we were alone and work out how he could calm down enough to not feel like he was vibrating beside me each time he spoke. ~

Qhuinn: [I rolled my eyes even knowing he couldn’t see me. I shook my head and ignored Jane’s little looks as well as the Chosen’s look of concern.] Every bit as intently and not a break up line, you know damn well you can’t get that lucky. 

[I bite the fucking daylights out of my cheek and grasped the chair with my freehand, knuckles turning white as the metal twisted in my grip. I knew he needed to feed, and a Chosen was his best option, but that sure as fuck didn’t mean I had to like what I was watching. Especially when I saw and smelt my males arousal. I knew it was natural and all that, but with my emotions all over and my head in need of tearing someone a new asshole, it becomes harder and harder for me to sit still. My fangs pierced my tongue and I was ninety percent certain if this went on much longer, Doc would be having to do another surgery before she left the room. None too soon, he released the Chosen’s wrist and after he thanked her, Jane gave one last check and I mumbled out a thanks to them both before nodding towards the door. Now it was time for the blood to do its work.I managed to dislodge my fangs from my tongue and sighed as I scooted my chair back to the edge of the bed.] Yeah, they’re gone now. I’m not going anywhere. 

[I felt a little relieved when he said he felt it working, whether it was true or not was another story, but it had to be a start at least. I was still pissed, just not as. I’d probably keep that pissed off feeling until he was back in my bed where he belonged. Or his bed with me alongside him, either way, until he was out of here and seeing, I was going to stay pissed. I finally unwound my fingers from the chair and trailed them along his hand] Only way you’ll find out is if you finally manage to get some sleep, let the blood do its job so I can take you home.

Dehv: ~ I could feel the blood running through my veins. The difference to the blood of those I used to feed from in the club was like comparing wine to whiskey. Though, I still felt like it was wrong to have it coursing through my veins when Qhuinn was standing at my side. Especially with my bodies reaction to feeding, and the inability to clamp down on it. Had Qhuinn not been in the room I suspect I’d have been able to deal with it. Like I had all those months ago when we’d ended up in the hospital after the demon attack. That had been easy to hold myself in check. Both of us had been hurt, and I was in complete control. I felt like I wasn’t in control now. My eyesight was really bothering me, far more than I thought it would. I felt the disappointment slam into me when I felt the other injuries tingling to show that the blood had helped stimulate healing, but my eyes just continued to burn.

I let out a shaky breath and waited for the all clear from Qhuinn, the light touch of his fingers sliding over my skin only heightened how I was feeling, and I shuddered hard, a low growl slipping past my teeth before I could stop it. I licked at my lips as soon as it happened, and hoped to hell I wasn’t blushing. There was no way Qhuinn would want to know I was like some horny teenager after that. With him in the room and his bonding scent filling the air, it was little wonder, and still I knew he’s likely want to wait until I was entirely healthy again to ensure he didn’t do much damage. I shifted again, using my hand to rearrange myself under the blanket in what I hoped was some kind of subtle move. Though likely I’d just slow mo-ed my hand down my body and grabbed my junk right in front of Qhuinn, who probably had that half amused, half bemused look on his face. I got it about as often as he got me slapping my head into my forehead and laughing at him. It actually made me feel better to think of that and I found myself turning my face in his direction. “What expression do you have on your face?” I smiled, the image in my head enough to make me laugh. “I’m in pain, the injuries and otherwise. I’m not sleeping just yet, not before I know you’re alright.” I lifted my hand and felt around until I connected with what I assumed was his hip. I curled my fingers into the waistband of his pants and tugged hard enough to show I was serious, but gently enough that he wasn’t forced. “You know you are allowed to join me in here. It’s big enough and then maybe we can both take a breath. I really did think I might die tonight, and I’m more scared than I should be that even if I get my eyesight back, it won’t be the same.” I swallowed again and licked at my lips. Then I waited. I wasn’t going to push it, and I knew Qhuinn was pissed off, but I hoped that it was because he was scared for me. Which meant that once he could feel that I was alive, warm and breathing beside him, he’d start to relax a little. ~

Qhuinn: [I bit back a grin when I heard that soft growl slip out of Dehv’s body. I knew it was biology and all that shit, that Chosen’s blood would be all intoxicating and boner inducing, but I wanted to at least believe that his reactions were towards me. I could no longer hide his effect on me, my bonding scent had permeated the room the moment I saw him. It was a good thing I already had permission from Wrath to let the cat out of the bag so to speak. Fuck. My gaze ran over my bedridden male, taking in the injuries and trying to will the blood to work faster. I didn’t even bother hiding the next grin that threatened as he tried to hide his erection. I shook my head almost made a smartass comment when his words pierced through my brain. I was certain the amusement laced my words] I don’t have any expression on my face. I mean I’m just sitting here watching my male play with his junk while his in a hospital bed and I’m waaaaay over here in my chair. 

[His smile and laugh cause that stupid kick in my chest again and I wanted to curse the scribe or whoever the hell was in charge all over again for this shit. I lurched forward as he tugged, chuffing out a laugh] I’m not the one who had their ass kicked tonight, nallum. That was all you. 

[I frowned at the bed and his injuries. I hated what he was saying, if he was admitting he was scared, that meant shit had gone far more sideways than ever. I could have lost him tonight and missed out on all we had planned, all I wanted to plan with him. My mind was made up before I was even aware of it as I slid my shoes off and pushed from the chair. I carefully slid into the bed alongside him, making sure not to jostle a damn thing as I did, my hand coming to rest softly on this hip] Don’t even think by dying you’ll be getting away from me.

[I tipped my head and brushed a soft kiss along an unbruised portion of his jaw, inhaling his scent beneath all the medical crap going on and letting that soothe me as much as possible at the moment] and you will get your eyesight back, even if I have to make a deal with the devil himself. 

Dehv: ~ I felt my entire body flush as I blushed hard and groaned. My eyes squeezing shut at the entire thought of Qhuinn watching me adjust myself after a feeding. Not that I was all that embarrassed around him often, but I really didn’t want him to think that I was worked up over anything but him. The amusement in his voice and the teasing edge helped cool me down though, it put me at ease and allowed my brain to register once again the bonding scent and the fact he was here from the minute he could be, even while I fed.

I felt the reaction to my tug, and the subsequent pause. I held my breath and waited. I knew what I needed, what I wanted, but I also knew that he needed to let his mind catch up. I’d thrown him through a loop on a night when he was already highly emotional. The anger from having to apologise to the two morons in our trainee class was enough to have me growling even as I felt Qhuinn move to get into bed with me. I had to bite down on my tongue to squash the reaction, and sort my brain into the present moment. Not that it was hard to do with the rock hard muscles Qhuinn sported settling against me. The heat, and still some of that spicy goodness, surrounding me with each shift of his body. It didn’t take much for me to have to shift once again to get comfortable and try to hide my reaction. I was injured, surely my body could stop acting like a newly transitioned male at some point soon. I was an adult, a trainee for the Brotherhood. I didn’t need to be popping an erection any time my male came near. 

The gentle touches had my skin lighting up, and I huffed out a breath of happiness at the fact he was so close, everything about him lulling me back down into a calm state. I even heard the machine start to slow as my heart settled back into a steady rhythm. It made me smile, and the added bonus of that featherlight kiss only added to my chest feeling like it was swelling to three times its normal size. I reached with my good hand to lace our fingers together and tipped my head to get closer to those kisses. “Thank you for rushing here, and for sticking through the feeding. I have no intention of dying to get away from you. Though I’m sure the one in charge would just send my ass back to annoy you, rather than keep me around to annoy them.” I chuckled, my smile growing as I rubbed a thumb over the skin I could feel under my fingers. “This is serious isn’t it? I mean, you and I. We’ve not really been able to catch a break for the last 6 or 7 months, and just when we do I go and get myself injured. I mean, I knew what we were, but I think the fact you’re here while I’m about as useful as a newborn baby really speaks volumes. And don’t take that the wrong way. I’ll start imagining all sorts of expressions on your face. Then I’ll panic. Anyway…” I sighed. Glad I couldn’t see Qhuinn’s face as I babbled on. The words seemed far more seamless in my head. Flowing and heartfelt. Sounding like a half drunk toad really hadn’t been what I meant. “I don’t really want to keep it on the downlow any more. I want to take the time others get to be with their mates, and I want to insist it’s public knowledge. I don’t care what Wrath says. We’re worth that.” I nodded and swallowed hard. Blinking around the dryness in my eyes as I held my breath and waited for the reaction to my idiot speech. ~

Qhuinn: [I pressed as close as I dared with his injuries, my rubbing over his hospital Jonny against his hip before he took my hand and laced our fingers together. His erection sent my mind spiraling in a hundred different directions even knowing it was because he’d just fed and nothing more. I wanted to pounce and claim and make him, and everyone in a ten block radius, aware that he was mine. That would have to wait though.  A lot of things would have to wait right now. I shook my head and grumbled at his words] I should have been here sooner, would have been. And if I didn’t get sent back for being annoying, you certainly wouldn’t. 

[I flashed a soft smile, even though he couldn’t see me, as his own smile grew. That smile would get me out fighting for the race any damn day of the week, and who knows what else. I sighed heavily when he mentioned we’d not had a break in the 7 months we’d been together. He was right, it was one damn thing after another almost from the night we met. Well no, including the night we met since I was someone completely different then. Didn’t we deserve a fucking break at this point? But the fact he was questioning if it was serious or not really stabbed me in the chest. I’d obviously not done well in showing him that. He had no clue I wanted…what I wanted from him. I sighed again and gave his fingers a squeeze] If you don’t know how I feel about you by now, how serious this is at least from my side of things, then I’ve done a shitty job of showing you. Which I mean, I can partially blame on the endless shitshow that seems to be my life at the moment. We do deserve better. I was going to tell you that Wrath gave his blessing tonight. We don’t have to hide anymore, I do still have to prove I can work without favoritism, but other than that, we’re good. 

[I gave a slight nod and kissed the corner of his mouth] I’m not going anywhere and no one can say a damn thing about it. For now though, you should probably rest. 

Dehv: ~ I felt the change instantly, and I actually breathed a little easier knowing that I could still anticipate some of Qhuinn’s changes even without my sight. That was good, even if I didn’t ever see quite as I had before. I automatically tightened my grip on his fingers, trying to reassure even while I found myself huffing out a laugh. “Perhaps they’ll just send us both back and we’ll have to do some kind of weird assault cause to find each other again.” I chuckled and then sobered again. My words seeming to be met with elation and then uncertainty. I frowned and shifted so I was facing a little more in his direction, the move allowing me to press flush against his body, loving the feel of all that hard muscle pressed against my side. Even if it left my injured arm squashed between us. I didn’t much care if I broke the damn thing again, as long as I was close enough to inhale the spicy scent that was uniquely Qhuinn’s every time I breathed in. I heard his words, and I felt my heart stutter a beat. I was shaking my head before he even stopped talking. Almost missing that Wrath had given his blessing that we were able to be open about everything. My grin split my face without thought, and I relaxed against the bed. That would be so much easier than having to sneak around and hide. It would also afford my friends, the two who knew, the freedom to not have to keep things from their peers too. That would make their lives easier and make me feel better about having confided in them.

I groaned softly at the kiss and turned my face automatically to chase for more when the contact was lost. Unable to know if I was going in the right direction, and wanting to speak almost as badly. Reassuring Qhuinn won out though, and as much as I wanted to jump him and insist I wasn’t hurt all that badly, I knew he’d likely call me a liar and roll his eyes. Instead I wanted him to know where I was coming from. “I grew up with humans. I’ve only had one serious relationship, and it went up in flames when I transitioned. They aren’t like us, they come and go as they want. Break ups are sad, but they’re not literal heartbreak in a lot of cases. When I ask, I’m asking because I don’t always understand everything about this world I am now living in, and I surely don’t understand all of what by body is trying to do. You make me comfortable to explore that and not feel self conscious about things happening when they shouldn’t, or randomly busting out the spicy shit when you’re being beaten in front of me in class without me being able to stop it. In the human world, I’d not have been welcome to go full beast mode because someone punched the person I was in love with. I know it’s serious, but I mean, it’s more than that. We’re um….bonded right? Have I got that right, the terminology I mean?” I licked over my lips and grumbled at myself. Since I’d only ever used the word to really apply it to others, it felt weird to apply it to myself. I had no clue if I was saying the right thing, but I figured Qhuinn would correct me if I’d gone in the wrong direction. “I am really happy that Wrath has give us the all clear, that is a weight off. I didn’t want to hide us. We deserve to be giving rotations together that will allow us to have time with each other that isn’t in a training centre or out on the streets.” I smiled again and dragged my thumb over the warm skin of Qhuinn’s hand, my body feeling relaxed from the feeding, and having my male so close. Resting would happen, but I was determined to stay awake long enough to know if I had been right about us. Hopeful that my words had expelled any uncertainty that my original question had put in his mind. ~

Qhuinn: [When he turned his head, I couldn’t help brushing a soft kiss over that smile of his. Then I waited for him to explain. I think I needed to hear why he had the doubts he did. Or the questions at least. I knew life had been one nightmare after another for the past seven months but I didn’t think I’d done that piss poor of a job. I ran my thumb over his hand as he spoke and nodded slowly at the questions, despite him not being able to see me. I waited until he ran out of steam and then let out a soft laugh] mmm, well I…remember that first trip to hell when we ended up in the hospital. I told you then that I bonded with you, that even before my brain had caught up with what was going on, you were it for me. The thing is, I’d have chosen you anyway and I’m hoping you feel the same or I’m going to look like a jackass here right about now. I want you comfortable to explore this side of things since you’ve not had much opportunity, you can question and all that.

[I nodded again and just kept his hand in mine, despite wanting to wrap an arm around him. I knew I couldn’t, not while he was so injured, but there was that internal conflict that I had to fight on that. He was mine and I had to protect him, keep him safe. A hand in his would have to be enough for now. ] We should get some …well, we’ll have plenty right now since your ass won’t be going out at all. It will be nice though, once you’re healed up, for us to maybe actually get out without having to bribe someone for time or sneak our asses around. I think the Brothers three will be happy about that too. Wraith was about to bust us out one night I think. 

[I paused, my brain going into warp drive at that. Shit. I’m going to have to let them know what happened too since I’m sure I missed check in. Protective assholes.I noticed he was getting sleepier and fighting  it. Stubborn little shit that he was.] Now that we’re no longer on lockdown, we’ll have to try that whole date night thing again. Though I’d prefer to wait until you’re better. Which means you have got to stop fighting it, nallum, and get some rest.

Dehv: ~ I smiled sleepily as my lips still tingled from the kiss. Wanting and craving more as was always the case. I blinked and remembered back to that night at the hospital. He had said that. It had barely registered with the head injury, but I knew that deep down it had stuck. It felt like my body was relaxing now that I was having it confirmed. That what I was thinking was true, and that it did have a name. That how I felt was normal, or as normal as either one of us ever got. I chuckled at his declaration, and the fact he’d look like a jackass. Wouldn’t be the first time. I nodded and moved slightly to get more comfortable and give Qhuinn a little more space on the bed with me. I was fading fast now, and while I was still raging with hormones, I was also feeling lethargic and floppy. I hummed quietly before I spoke. “I know I can ask questions. I don’t want you questioning whether you’re showing me, you are. I just question because I was brought up human basically. I see them walk away from each other after thirty years together without more than angry shouting and I am not sure I’d be capable of that. Not how I feel right now.” I shook my head and then tipped my chin again to blink sleepily at the male lying beside me. Up this close I could almost swear I could see every fleck in his mismatched eyes. I knew I probably looked like I was glazed over, but I was trying hard to make my eyes work, to make them see my male and let me get drawn into those unique eyes like I normally did. I wasn’t sure why he’d chosen me, but I wasn’t going to bring up his error in judgement. I was keeping him now that I had him. Especially now I didn’t have to try and hide it in training from everyone but Davidson and Nhick. I just wished the image I had in my head would become reality. Praying in a way that I never did, that the Chosen blood would work before I woke.

I frowned as the next words sunk in, a growl rumbling through me before I even thought of it. “I’m going to be fine, and then I’ll be back in training and out on patrol. I promise, this isn’t anywhere near as bad as it looks.” I shook my head and squeezed his hand. I wasn’t sure why I was promising that, whether it was for him or for me. I knew I was terrified that I’d be stuck this way. I knew I’d make it work, but I’d be damned if I didn’t fight my ass off to ensure I got back my eyesight so I could get back to patrolling and training. I’d only just found my place here, I wasn’t losing that now. The growl died down quickly though, and I found myself exhaling hard. Trying to clear the panic and focus on the good, on the things that kept me grounded. I wasn’t going to lose Qhuinn or the Brotherhood or the trainees if I didn’t heal, I’d just have to find a new way to help support them. That I could do. I licked at my lips and realised I was thirsty as well as sleepy. “Could I have a sip of the water on the side, please?” I smiled and then swallowed hard. “And yes, now that we don’t have to hide hopefully they’ll actually allow us time off together. Think you’d want to move in to save us having to always pick a place and pack a bag before each session? I mean, it’s been months, but feel free to say no. I’d move to yours, but I need the office space. Though I guess I could just go there for meetings and….well. Let me know.” I trailed off and then yawned loudly.

Feeling sated of thirst and comfortable with Qhuinn relaxing beside me I knew I was fighting it, but I didn’t want to drift off when I wasn’t sure what the next day would bring. Yet I wasn’t able to keep my eyes open any longer. I tried to mumble that I wasn’t fighting it, I was just fine. I’d be more than able to get up and go train right now if I needed. But I felt like my tongue was too big for my mouth. I barely even noticed when reality blended with unconsciousness. ~

Qhuinn: [I pressed as close as I dared when Dehv moved. I couldn’t help being cautious, I didn’t want to be responsible for any additional injuries he might incur. I shook my head and let out a low chuckle that wasn’t quite amusement but close] I know you grew up with humans, but we are nothing like them. When we are bonded to another, it’s for keeps. We’ll probably fight over the years, it’s inevitable, but at least from this side, there is no walking away. 

[When his head tipped up and his eyes fought for focus, my heart crackled a little more. They were twitching and darting around and I knew he wasn’t seeing me and that, well that fucking hurt. He was always the one person who would look at me and never see the fuck up that  I was, even when I did massively fuck shit up. His eyes were so expressive of everything he thought and felt. Now they were just empty.  I shook my head at his growl and sighed] When you can see again, then you can worry about training and patrol, until then just relax so you can heal. 

[I reached over and grabbed the water for him, holding it to his lips while he took a few needed sips. His next question caused a whole other tumble in my chest but not for bad reasons. I knew what we were and how we were, but this was still a big step. One that I hadn’t counted on for some reason. I brought our joined hands up and kissed his knuckles as he started to fade off into sleep, finally. His half whispered arguments against it fell on deaf ears because he couldn’t keep fighting it] We’ll figure out which place suits us best and go from there. Sleep, dream, and let your body heal.

[I settled my head on the pillow and watched him as sleep finally took hold. Maybe that made me a creeper, but I didn’t care. When the door cracked open hours later, Jane came in to check on him and covered us both with a blanket. I thanked her silently and then continued on as I was until finally I felt secure he was safe, he was healing and he was mine, and only then did I finally give in to my own need for sleep.]

[sinninginpurple2-0]

Some Casual Relief

Will Write For Coffee

Nothing explicit but still a little unsafe for work

“Okay, what is it this time?” Marinette asked with a smirk as she opened the hatch above her bed for Chat to drop down through, “Are you just horny, stressed, or did she do something to wind you up?”

“Last one,” he mumbled in embarrassment, “She was going on and on about needing to warm up and-”

“And all you could think about was the way you normally warm up?” she teased, as she closed the window to block the chill of the evening outside.

He rolled his eyes and smirked in response. Ladybug hadn’t meant it as anything other than an innocent comment he was sure, but her voice had sounded positively sinful when she’d asked if he knew what she needed to spread some warmth through her chilled body. Hot chocolate hadn’t exactly been what he was thinking of when she’d announced it in an overly cheery voice before leaving him stunned and far too warm to be comfortable despite the cold.

So of course, he’d had to stop by Marinette’s before going home. He had a pretty severe itch to scratch that he knew she’d be only too happy to help him take care of it, given her own sex drive was as furious as a raging bull.

If someone had told him six months ago that he and his cute classmate would have a regular arrangement to work out their sexual frustrations together, he’d have laughed until he hurt himself. Ladybug was the only one for him, after all; no one else would ever do. Which, it turned out, was exactly the same situation for Marinette and some boy at their school.

After some awkward initial discussions, they had come to terms with the fact that they were both attracted enough to each other to be interested, but far too caught up in other people for it to be fair to try anything so serious as dating. They had promised to stay just friends, enjoy each other’s company and never complicate anything. That was until exams and university applications and stress joined the mess and they found themselves finally agreeing that letting off a little steam might be helpful and possibly even necessary.

And, of course, it turned out to be a handy way to deal with the unfortunate side-effects of their oblivious love’s words and actions at times.

“Was it as bad as the popsicle incident during the summer?” Marinette asked.

He groaned, remembering the way she’d teased the frozen treat in front of him, with no regard for the way his male brain was wired to react to such a thing. “Nothing could ever be as bad as that,” he said before leaning into her personal space and observing the way her face was already flushed pink. Perhaps she’d been hoping he’d visit before Ladybug had ever stirred his interest tonight? “Anyway, what about you? Mystery Boy been distracting lately?”

“Yup,” she said, eyes dragging down his body as she leaned back -not to move away- but instead to recline against her bed.

“You ever gonna tell me who he is? You know my not-so-mystery Lady.”

“Yeah,” she snorted, “because it’s obvious. If you don’t already know who gets me wet, I’m not opening myself up for your mocking.”

“You don’t seem to have any issue opening up for me in other ways,” he grinned before pushing her onto her back and grinding his hardness between her legs.

***

“Holy shit, that was awesome,” Adrien gasped as he rolled off of her and onto his back, removing the condom quickly and tying a knot in it before throwing it to the edge of the bed. He watched Marinette’s grin turn sly as she wiped sweat from her forehead, careful not to disturb the blindfold across her eyes as she did.

“Isn’t it always?” she asked as she sat up, slowly feeling her way to the edge of the bed and facing away from him before she lifted the scarf from her face and dropped it to the mattress. He chuckled breathlessly as she reached down for his clothes, blindly passing his jeans and boxers back to him so he could begin to dress before transforming for some cuddling.

She stilled slightly as she grabbed his button-up shirt from where it had fallen in a rumpled pile on the floor. Holding it out in front of her, she considered it and he wondered what was going on in her mind, considering he couldn’t see her expressions to work from.

“Is this from your father’s new line he hasn’t released yet?” she asked casually.

He froze. “My…my father’s?” he choked out.

“Yeah. I haven’t seen this one before, but it screams runway version instead of adjusted for the racks.”

Her voice was still too casual. Too nonchalant. Was she aware of what she was saying? Had she forgotten who she was with? Or, did she-

“Yeah, I know Adrien,” she said in answer to his unasked question, turning her head slightly so that he could see her face in profile.

“H-How?” he asked, feeling more exposed than he ever had before, even considering that he was more dressed than she was right now.

“You remember how I found your wallet in the school library?” she asked, finally turning fully to face him, handing him his shirt as she did so. He nodded as he took it. “It wasn’t really in the library. It fell out here. I wouldn’t have looked, but it was already open and your student ID card’s right at the front.”

“But…that was three days ago!” he spluttered, “You’ve known all this time? And you still let me- We just-” He vaguely gestured to the used condom discarded amongst the sheets.

She smiled and shrugged at him, moving onto the bed fully again to recline beside him. She was still very naked, and he was really surprised she didn’t seem to have any issue with it.

Pushing herself against his side, she wriggled her way into his hold so that they were snuggled up much the way they usually were after working out some tension, and Adrien couldn’t help but wrap his arm around her out of instinct.

“So, it turns out two of my friends are the same person,” she said, “Doesn’t change anything. Just means it’s easier for me to get in contact with you now when I’m horny, instead of scanning the rooftops and trying to get your attention when you pass.”

“Really? You’re not…freaked out? You don’t hate me?”

“Don’t be stupid. It took a couple of days for it to...marinate, I guess. But I’m over it now. Besides, now I don’t need to wear a blindfold, so I’ll get to see your pretty face when you come, Kitty.”

Adrien couldn’t help but laugh nervously. Could he really be this lucky, or would everything start going wrong?

***

He was still a little shell-shocked the next day at school. He got ready for class and sat in the back of the car in a stupor, watching the world from a distance until he got out and approached the building, absently saying hi to Nino. He was just starting to feel more human again and was actively listening to the latest talk about local club-life, when his best friend suddenly started to choke on the bottle of water he was drinking from, Adrien thumping him on the back until he gasped in breaths again before turning to see what had gotten him into such a state.

Immediately he grabbed for Nino’s forgotten water bottle himself and gulped down a huge drink, suddenly feeling a might thirsty at what he saw.

Marinette had just arrived at school -with a scandalised looking Alya in tow- and boy, was she ever underdressed for the chilly weather. She wore an off-shoulder, low cut, black corset top -one he was sure would be picked up on by the teachers citing dress codes the second she walked into class- and she had paired it with a short, pleated green skirt. Her long legs remained completely bare until they ended in cute little black ankle boots. The fact that she must have been freezing was only a distant thought at the back of Adrien’s extremely overheated mind.

“Just felt like looking pretty today,” she said in response to something from Alya that he had managed to miss in his haze, and he shakily handed Nino his water back, so the other boy could take a much-needed sip himself.

“Screw pretty. You look hot!” Nino blurted out and Adrien had to internally restrain himself before he socked his friend in the jaw.

“You have a girlfriend,” he reminded him in a harsh tone of voice.

“And she has no issue with him staring at Marinette today,” Alya told them with a wide-eyed grin, “She does look hot. I am seriously considering asking how you feel about a threesome.”

Marinette let out a full-blown laugh as she continued on her way, walking right past Adrien as she made her way inside. The quick wink she sent him was probably not lost on the others, but thankfully, neither said a word about it as all three of them openly gawked at their sexy friend.

Adrien was actually kind of grateful when they made it to the classroom because Marinette suddenly pulled a black hoodie from her backpack, covering up her rather obvious cleavage from view. He felt it like a fog suddenly lifting and he gained the ability to think clearly again without her chest distracting him.

At least, until he took his seat a few desks behind her, only to realise that the hoodie had the words “you know you ‘knead’ me” written on the back in green stitching with a couple of paw prints beneath. He groaned. It was going to be a long day.

***

Adrien was beginning to think that things might not be so bad after all.

He’d managed to get through an entire day now and -other than her provocative clothing and that initial wink- Marinette hadn’t acted any differently than usual towards him. They’d had shared classes and chatted like always. The four of them had had lunch together in the cafeteria as usual and there had been plenty jokes, some innocent and a few naughty ones -but that was typical of their interactions before she’d known. She’d even been more open to the dirty jokes he and Nino made when normally they caused her to blush even as she giggled.

So now, everyone had headed out to go home and he was on his way to his locker to retrieve his fencing gear before his driver came to take him to practice.

He was just passing by the supply closet two doors from the locker room when he felt a tug on the back of his shirt and stumbled backwards into the small space with a yelp. His back was pressed against the shelves with a thud as he heard the door slam shut and the sound of a lock engage.

It took him a few seconds to take in what had happened and the girl standing in front of him, smirking. Marinette had just dragged him into a small, secluded spot at school. After everyone else had left. There was no way in hell this was meant as anything innocent.

“Marinette?” he asked tentatively, trying to hide it with a firm tone.

“You could have at least commented on my clothes, you know,” she said with a pout, “I froze myself half to death to get a reaction from you, and it was Alya and Nino who ended up with their eyes hanging out instead.”

“So, you did wear that for me.” It was something he had been wondering on all day. Just in case. He didn’t want to feel conceited by assuming it was meant for his benefit.

“Of course I did. I’m cat themed and these are your colours.”

“Uh, yeah. So…any reason you had to pull me in here to tell me that?”

She smirked again, and Adrien just knew he was in all kinds of trouble now.

“You -as Chat- used to tell me you had an activity after school on a Thursday. I’m guessing that’s your fencing group?”

She placed her palm against his chest and his eye widened as he considered what else he had told her about that particular activity. “Um, yes.”

“Well, as you said, fencing’s an energetic sport. Really gets the blood pumping. One naughty thought at the wrong time and…”

And he’d embarrass himself in his tight uniform is what he’d do. Something he’d told her once before, although to be fair it had been an attempt to be seductive rather than give her fodder to taunt him with.

He took a deep breath. “Please don’t make fun of me,” he said.

“Oh, I’m not going to make fun of you,” she said, her hand sliding down his chest until it rested on his stomach, her pace slowing but not stopping completely as her hand continued its downwards route.

He cleared his throat, swallowing and desperately trying to wet the inside of his mouth. Fond memories of this morning’s water bottle returned, and he wished he had brought another with him to chase away the dryness trying to wreck his voice. “Please don’t try to get me worked up right before I need to go be around people for the next hour,” he practically begged.

“Too late,” she giggled as she began to palm him through his clothes. He couldn’t help but growl a little in both arousal and annoyance at her actions before his mind caught up to the fact that Marinette wasn’t doing this for Chat -she was doing this for Adrien right now. Despite what she’d said last night, did she really have no issue with knowing that who she was touching was a close friend?

“Wait-”

“Besides, that is the exact opposite of what I plan to do,” Marinette purred, ignoring his words and suddenly dropping to her bare knees in front of him and wrenching his belt loose.

“What are you doing!?” He squeaked as she looked up and held eye-contact with him as she unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them down. Because of the blindfold she’d never been able to keep eye-contact before. It was so hot.

“Well, I can’t promise you’ll go the entire hour without a little danger,” she said, pulling him out his underwear, “but this should hold you for at least the first half of fencing.”

“B-But you don’t have to-”

He trailed off with a moan and his head hit the shelf behind him as she engulfed his length and her mouth and tongue went to work.

***

Adrien was pleasantly surprised by how little his identity revelation affected things between him and Marinette. As time moved on, they only seemed to grow closer as friends, and other than a few sly looks thrown at them by Alya and Nino, who simply didn’t know about their arrangement and therefore didn’t understand the ins and outs of their specific friendship (a childish pun, but one he was extremely proud of himself for), everything flew under the radar.

The things that did change were definitely for the better.

At first, too awkward and unsure of the shift between them, Adrien had stayed away from her house. Two days after the unexpected fellatio in the supply closet, however, he’d gotten an unexpected late-night call from Marinette. He’d ignored it at first, but finally answered on her third attempt to reach him and after a nervous hello, she’d jumped right in without preamble.

“I’m stressed out over this essay question for ESMOD and I need you to come over and return the favour I did for you the other day.”

“Are you…sure you want me to come over?”

“Well, I can hardly sneak into your room, can I Monsieur Superhero?”

“I suppose. But…do you really-”

“Less talk, more cock, Chat.”

It had taken surprisingly little convincing to get him to visit after that, at which point he had done far more than just return the favour. The two of them soon fell into a new rhythm of school closet shenanigans followed by late-night booty calls from then on.

A part of him was disheartened that both he and Marinette had other people they were interested in; they seemed to work so well together.

***

His new favourite game was strip studying. The two of them would take turns using flashcards to quiz each other on Bac topics and every incorrect answer lost them an item of clothing.  It was the one time Adrien was okay with messing up and getting things wrong.

“Maybe I peaked when I aced the French section last year?” he told her, handing over his jeans to be added to her pile of winnings. He had completely forgotten a key point on statistics that would have seriously hurt his score on any essay he wrote, so now he was sitting with nothing to wear but his tight boxer briefs.

“I think you just like losing,” she joked, sitting back on her bare legs and stretching so that the oversized sweater she wore dropped to reveal her pale shoulder beneath.

“Maybe,” he said with a smile, grabbing another flashcard, “Okay, translate as many of these subject names as you can into English.”

“Easy,” she said, beginning to list them off as he gave her each one.

He faked a long-suffering sigh. “Something tells me your questions aren’t nearly as hard as mine.”

“Two more questions wrong, Kitty and you can show me just how hard yours is when you have to start paying in sexual favours,” she said with a wink.

“Why wait?” he asked sensually, pulling her forward to sit in his lap, their underwear the only barriers between their lower halves.

***

“So, um…you called me Adrien,” he said, gasping deeply for breath now that she had rolled off him and was curled into his side, also recovering.

“Yeah?-” -she panted in a quick breath- “-It’s your name.”

“I know. I know. It’s just…I think that’s the first time you’ve said Adrien instead of Chat when you come.”

“Really?” she said, the surprise in her tone evident, “Huh.”

He tilted his head and glanced at her as he dealt with the condom. Her eyes were shut, in bliss or tiredness he wasn’t sure, and her face was wonderfully flushed. It was the best way to see her, he had long decided. Only he got to see her like this.

Their breathing calmed after a few minutes and just as he prepared to close his eyes and doze off for a while, her own opened, piercing him deeply. “You called me Ladybug again,” she said.

He flinched. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” Oddly, she actually looked like she meant it. Her face was nothing but casual indifference. “You love Ladybug. It’s expected you think about her when we have sex.”

He opened his mouth to explain himself. To tell her that while he loved Ladybug, he was also very much into her. That the arrangement only worked because they both liked each other -at least a little- and because she was one of the two hottest and most talented girls he’d ever had the good fortune of laying eyes upon.

He stopped short though, as something occurred to him.

“Hey,” he said, his brow furrowed in confusion, “don’t you ever think of Mystery Boy?”

“What?” she responded, looking equally confused, “Of course I do. What makes you think I don’t?”

“Well, you’ve never used another name. It’s always been Chat, and well, now Adrien too. I thought his name might have slipped out by now.”

She tucked her head under his chin tightly, her voice becoming quiet and muffled. “I was really careful not to use his name before. It’s a mystery remember?”

“Before? So, you think you’re getting closer to slipping up?” He grinned and pulled back to look down at her face. “Will I hear a familiar name soon and just suddenly know?”

“Adrien,” she said, “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” he asked, reaching out to tickle her, his hand brushing her bare breast as he did and stealing a gasp. His body twitched in response. His recovery period was lessening all the time. Soon her Thursday afternoon pre-fencing precautions would only buy him fifteen minutes or so.

“I already slipped up, okay?” she said. Her tone sounded relaxed and unconcerned, but she wore a pout on her face and there was a slight wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows that countered her apparent ease.

“Really? When?”

“I said Adrien, didn’t I?”

He frowned. Was there another Adrien he knew? It was a common name, there was bound to be. But Marinette had implied in the past that she knew him personally and he spent most of his free time with her these days, so surely he’d have met him. Or at least Nino and Alya would have mentioned-

And suddenly it hit him. They spent all their free time together. The looks Nino and Alya always threw them when they got a little too flirty in front of other people and had to reign it back. The way she had acted and dressed for him right after she’d discovered his identity. The way she complained to Chat that Mystery Boy had wound her up when he’d spent the day with her, teasing her.

He was Mystery Boy.

“Oh. Uh, Marinette, I-”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, looking a little pained but surprisingly upbeat considering, “You love Ladybug. I’m happy to get what I can.”

His heart reached out for her. The one person she’d turned to in order to help her through her crush on him had turned out to be the same person. And she’d kept going all because she had realised that he could never truly want her while he continued to hope Ladybug might love him.

“I…I don’t think we should keep doing this,” he told her, chest aching as she rolled away from him to lie on her side, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not,” she said with a yawn. Probably pretending she was just tired, not upset.

“I need you to know,” he hesitated, unsure if his next words would help or make things worse, “If I hadn’t met Ladybug, if I hadn’t fallen for her…it would have been you. No one else.”

She remained silent and he dressed quickly before calling for his transformation. Looking over at her one last time, he could see that she had fallen asleep, breathes coming deep and even and a small smile playing about her lips. He wondered if she was dreaming of things having gone a different way.

He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and pulled the blanket up to cover her before letting himself out and making his way home.

***

Chat felt like the lowest form of life on the planet.

After breaking off things with Marinette last night, she had tried calling him several times and sent several texts. Considering most of them had consisted of her telling him she didn’t mind and wanted to continue things, followed by many typical booty call texts, he’d elected to ignore them. She needed time to realise that things had finally changed between them. Then he’d talk to her, let her work out any anger she might have, and hopefully see if they could salvage any part of their friendship.

If she never wanted to speak to him again, he’d follow her wishes, but there was a good chance it would kill him. He wondered how they would explain things to their best friends. Alya was the kind of person to stick by her BFF and as Alya’s boyfriend, Nino would be forced to choose between her and Adrien. He never wanted to put that on him, so he would do the noble thing and allow them to drift apart. Which meant, if she did hate him, he would lose all of his friends.

So, here Chat was, sitting atop Notre Dame and feeling miserable instead of patrolling. Of course, he also felt guilty for daring to feel miserable at all, considering what he must have put poor Marinette through already.

He was a little distracted, so he missed Ladybug’s arrival until she was right beside him. Jumping slightly at being caught off-guard, he put on a smile for her benefit and stood to greet her.

“How are you this evening, My Lady?”

Ladybug smiled at him, her usual brand of devilish beauty behind it. “I’m cold, Kitty. As always.”

“You should have brought that hot chocolate with you. We could have shared,” he said, his smile faltering a little as the effort to pretend everything was fine started to take its toll.

“I can think of something better to warm me up.”

His smile dropped completely at that. It was the kind of thing that would normally have him riled up to the point of racing back to Marinette’s afterwards for some much-needed relief. With what had happened yesterday, it had the opposite effect of usual as he slumped in place.

Only to startle when Ladybug lifted his arm to cuddle into his side. “Warm,” she hummed in pleasure.

He gave a humourless laugh and rubbed his hand against her arm in an attempt to counteract her Miraculous tendency that caused her to struggle with the cold. He slowed and stopped nervously as one of her hands unexpectedly roamed his chest.

“Um, Bug?” he squeaked.

“You’re just as warm as hot chocolate,” she said in a syrupy smooth voice, “Are you as sweet to taste, Kitty?”

“Woah!” Jumping away from her, Chat cursed his bad luck. He’d been waiting forever for his Lady to take an interest and now, at the worst possible time ever, she had decided to do so. “Ladybug, don’t take this the wrong way, but now is not the best time.”

“Why not?” she asked, in the same rich, chocolatey, indulgent tone, “I thought you loved me?”

“I do. But…I’ve done something. Something horrible. And if anything happened between us right now, I’ll hate myself all the more.”

The seductive almost love-drunk look slipped from her face and softened to one of concern instead. “What’s wrong?” she asked, a genuine note of caring in her tone.

So, he told her. He explained all about his arrangement with a classmate, about how she had found out his identity via misplaced ID and how things had evolved from there. About discovering he was the one she was in love with and how he realised he must have been hurting her all along.

And most of all, he told her about his own genuine feelings for Marinette. It didn’t make a lot of sense in the grand scheme of things. He loved Ladybug and he wanted her to love him too. But he needed her to understand that he hadn’t agreed to become a fuck-buddy with his friend because he was just some kind of cad. That it had been in part because he didn’t think it would be fair to try and date someone while he still loved someone else. That he had thought she was in the same position and that they were simply helping out someone they both cared for, without hurting them over their unrequited loves.

He ended by telling her that he still loved her, but that he also had strong feelings for Marinette -as well as the need to protect her- and that he needed some time to allow her to heal before even considering moving on in case he hurt her.

Ladybug listened in silence the entire time. Her face remained mostly expressionless and neutral, mostly just allowing him to get everything off his chest.

“I understand, Kitty,” she said, standing to leave as he watched.

As she walked across the top of the slanted rooftop, his eyes caught sight of something dropping from her hand, sliding down the facing and catching on a roof tile. He skittered down the side to grab it for her quickly before it fell again and was lost.

“My Lady, you dropped something,” he shouted as he reached the small piece of laminated card, lifting it to his eyes as he did so. His eyes widened, and he stared at the card for far longer than necessary before turning to look up at Ladybug, still standing on the edge of the roof above him.

“Is this yours?” he asked, indicating the student ID card in his clawed hands; the one with Marinette’s name and picture on the front.

She grinned and nodded, before sliding down the rooftop and coming to a stop on the slate tiles beside him. She leant in to kiss him lightly and Chat melted -just enough so that he didn’t notice as she took the card from him carefully before pulling back.

“How about we go to your place for a change, Mystery Boy?” she said with a grin, quickly latching her yo-yo around a gargoyle and swinging away in the direction of the Agreste Manor as he watched dumbfounded.

Will Write For Coffee

Bonus:

"Wait - we started this in the summer. You did that popsicle thing ON PURPOSE!!!"

[thewnchstrs]

Just a Number

*not my gif

Pairing: DeanXreader

Disclaimers: relationship age gap, mentions of smut

Word Count: 1,544

A/N: I switched up the request a little bit so instead of mistaking them for uncle and niece, they’re mistaken for father and daughter- hope that’s okay!

Masterlist

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“Oh, one last store, Dean. I promise this time!” Y/N begged, pulling on Dean’s sleeve as she tugged him toward the shoe store at the far end of the mall. Dean groaned, having already been here for nearly two and a half hours, he was more than over walking through the crowded stores.

“Y/N, you said that three stores ago, now c’mon, we need to hit the road.” Dean said, finally putting his foot down. He wasn’t sure how much of this he could take. 

Y/N looked up at him, her large Y/E/C eyes staring up at him, knowing it’d work. Just a few seconds of those doe eyes and he couldn’t say no. 

“Okay fine, but this is seriously the last one-”

“Yeah, yeah. Come on!” she laughed, pulling him into the store, the new shoe smell lingered in the air. Dean was pleasantly surprised at the lack of people there were in this one. He helped himself to a chair in the middle of the store, hoping Y/N wouldn’t take as long as she had before.

Y/N scanned the walls of shoes, in awe at all of the different shapes and sizes, colors and shoe styles they came in, however, a pair of short brown ankle boots called her name. She picked them up, examining them. 

“Those are amazing shoes- I have like four pairs of them,” a voice said from behind her. Y/N turned around to see another girl, around her age smiling brightly at the shoes she was holding. 

“Really?” Y/N smiled, “I really need something that’s going to hold up.”

“Oh, these are perfect. I bought my first pair nearly three years ago and they still look amazing!”

Instantly, Y/N and her new shoe buddy began intensely talking about the shoes. The style, the various colors they came in, and the best way to keep them from getting water stains. 

Dean couldn’t help but smile as he watched Y/N’s face light up with pure joy as she talked to the girl. He loved that smile- it was strange these days for her to show if very often, so when she did, he soaked in every minute of it. 

Dean had been so engrossed in Y/N that he hadn’t even noticed the man sit down in the chair next to him. “Daughters, am I right?”

Dean quickly turned to his right where a man around his age smiled as he watched Y/N and the other girl talk. Dean shook his head, confused. The man caught on, quickly clarifying. “That’s my daughter, over there talking to yours. Her name’s Anne- she just came back from school and I promised I’d take her shopping. Too much hype if you ask me.”

Dean’s heart sank at the words but he returned the man’s smile slightly. He thought Y/N was his daughter? He took another look at his girlfriend, comparing her to the girl who once seemed to be much younger than Y/N who, now that he really looked, could see how much in age they must have been.

“I’m getting these,” Y/N smiled as she snapped Dean out of his trance. He looked up at her, trying to put on his best smile. “Anne talked me into it.”

“Well, thanks for helping her make a decision,” Dean laughed as he stood to shake the man’s hand next to him, urging Y/N to quickly pay so they could get out of there as soon as possible.

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“I love them!” Y/N squealed as she laced up her new shoes, standing in front of Dean, showing them off by crossing her leg and pointing her toe in front of her. 

Dean examined them and nodded, “not bad.”

Y/N’s shoulders slumped, unsatisfied by his less than enthusiastic attempt at pretending to like them. However, she knew something was wrong with Dean. Ever sense he hurried her to the cashier at the store and then ushered her quickly out to the car, she knew something was out of place.

She sat next to him on the couch, crossing her legs. “okay, what’s up Winchester?”

“Psshh, nothing’s wrong.” he laughed nervously. 

Y/N watched him through squinted eyes. Silently checking off in her head the box that said, ‘nervous laughter’, one of Dean’s many tells which let her know when he was hiding something from her.

“Hmmhmm,” she hummed, not believing a single word of it. She sat forward against the couch, eyeing him from the corner of her eye, trying to spot his second tell which he began as soon as she turned away. His eyes moved across the TV like he were watching a tennis match, unable to keep them in one spot for more than ten seconds at a time.

Dean had no idea how much she paid attention to little things like this, all he could think about were the words that came from the man in the shoe store. He thought Y/N, his girlfriend, was his daughter.

He loved Y/N. He really did, and any time that feeling slipped away for even a fraction of a second, one look at her and he was slammed back into reality. He loved her, through and through, but there was one part of their relationship he’d always struggled with. It wasn’t that her and Sam had similar eating habits, it wasn’t that she was better than him at pretty much everything, and it wasn’t even the fact that she’d once turned down a slice of pie.

It was the fact that by the time he was legally able to drink she was probably just getting out of diapers. Technically, he was old enough to be her father if it really boiled down to it.

It was the 18 year age gap that bothered him most at this very minute.

The worst part was, this wasn’t the first time this had happened. It happened nearly every time they were out together. And, in some weird way, he felt bad about their relationship. He figured she’d be happier with someone younger, someone her age.

Y/N however, never seemed to mind.

She never seemed to take notice of the people who watched them with weary eyes as they walked hand in hand together down the street, or when they went out to bars she was still carded. She never expressed her doubts toward dating him. Verbally, anyway.

“Hello,” Y/N said, clicking her fingers in front of his face. “Earth to Dean.”

“Sorry,” he said quickly, shaking the fog that was clouding his head. “um, what did you say again?”

“Dean,” she said, getting his attention. His eyes trying desperately not to move from her face. “What’s wrong?”

Dean sighed again, hating that he felt this way. It felt selfish. Hell, it was selfish. “I just…half the time we’re out together, people seem to think I’m a creepy old guy.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows, “what?-”

Before she could ask any questions, Dean continued speaking, knowing how strange he sounded. “You’re so much younger than I am, Y/N. I mean, you’re beautiful, and youthful. And I’m, old…and graying.” Dean shuddered at his confession, absentmindedly running the pads of his fingertips over the short pieces of graying hair he’d noticed just the other day. “The guy at the shoe store thought you were my daughter.”

“Dean,” Y/N said, shaking her head in disbelief. As far as she was concerned, she never thought of Dean according to his age. “You can’t be serious…Dean, I love you. We love each other- why does it matter what those people think? And, yeah…you’re a little older than I am, so what? Age is just a number and I’m a consenting, 21 year old woman, and this is what I want. If we’re happy- none of that other stuff matters…right?”

Dean thought about it momentarily, knowing she was right. He nodded silently, feeling like a dick that he’d even brought it up. “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” he patted her thigh, looking over and smiling at her, wondering how he’d ever gotten so lucky. “What do you say we date night tonight? Dinner sound good?”

She smiled brightly, unable to hide her excitement at the idea of a night to just her and Dean, “really?”

“I’ll pick you up at your room at 8,” he smirked as she pulled him in for a deep kiss, her hands cupping his unshaven face. He pulled away, even though he so desperately wanted to keep gone. He ran a hand up each of her arms, “if you keep that up, we won’t make it to dessert.”

He winked, wiggling his eyebrows as she rolled her eyes, sliding off the couch toward her bedroom. She swayed her hips, sneaking a peek at Dean over her shoulder laughing at his jaw that had gone slack.

“You know, I’ve always preferred my dessert before my meal.” she whispered seductively, walking backwards now toward her bedroom, beginning to shed her t-shirt. 

Dean sat, frozen on the couch before his brain clicked into place, comprehending what she was saying. “Oh….Oh!”

She smirked as he nearly flung himself off the couch, picking her up easily by her legs as he threw her over his shoulder. She squealed as he smiled widely, jogging to his bedroom, feeling younger than ever.

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Forever Tag List

@spnbaby-67 | @octo-cow52 | @luciferslucille | @winchesternco

[stupidpianist]

8 november 2018

07:32: There goes alarm number one

07:44: There goes alarm number two

07:45: And number three

07:50: Not gonna snooze this one I SWEAR. Anyway, like, if you don’t at least snooze your first three alarms, what kind of a sociopath are you?? Have “big plans” today, if “big plans” means just having a productive day where I don’t make continual bad decisions. Don’t have a good reason for not liveblogging yesterday, it was just, I stayed up way, way, way too late on the night of the sixth, which resulted in me waking way, way, way too late on the day of the seventh, and in a complete state of brain fog, and entirely incapable of thinking in general. Spent the, uh, spent the afternoon hahahahh cause that’s when I woke up, Jesus, spent the afternoon doing administrative-related things, then had a work shift. Managed to touch a piano for, like, ten minutes before my shift started. Then did work. Then went home.

Felt pretty dysphoric for all of yesterday, as a result of just knowing that it was due to my own stupidity that I wasted an entire day. And not only wasted it, but that I wasn’t in an acceptable mental state for the entirety of the day as well. Was a bit of one of those “wake up calls,” or something, like, a personal “get your crap together, dude” moment, which made me decide, like, “okay, you’re sleeping before the sun rises tonight. you’re going to bed at midnight, no compromises. then you’re going to wake up early and DO THINGS, and not be in a completely debilitating stupor for the entire day.”

Seems like I’m off to an okay start, got seven hours of sleep, which is, like, for me, just above the bare minimum I get so that I don’t feel like I’m incapacitated at all. If I get less than six-and-a-half hours these days there’s a definitive, quantitative difference in my performance both mentally and physically, so, like, seven is, like, okay, nice job, guy. Been getting less than that for so long, and it’s one of the worst feelings, for me, at least, to go through a day in some fugue state, knowing that you’re not thinking clearly. Extremely frustrating, like knowing something is wrong, but not knowing what, exactly the cause/root is. Not worth it to stay up and enjoy the “festivities of the night” most of the time, unless it’s like, a get-together, or a celebration, because just the crappiness of feeling disgusting the next day outdoes so much of the fun/productivity that you could’ve just displaced with sleep and felt, overall, better. Don’t know why I keep getting less sleep than I need, it’s not for any productivity-related reason, it’s just self-indulgence. FEeling good that I’ve “reset” the sleep schedule today, going to see if I can continue it?? Know for certain that I need to wake by, at least, 11h on Saturday morning, so I can’t “go too hard” on Friday night, but Sunday I’m free, might be sleeping in on Sunday until noon, I fear… But probably not, I have nothing planned Saturday night, so I think a one, or two bedtime isn’t too late to be up by 10h or 11h again and feel, like, well-rested, even if I’ve had a bit to drink.

Outline of the day:

-go to health clinic (routine blood test just to make sure i’m not diseased or something)

-go to mclennan library to update liveblog

-go sign new work contract in music building

-practice (if time)

-go to actual appointment (since first visit to the drop-in clinic can only assign you a time, you can’t just jump into the appointment)

-go home for lunch/slight break, before heading to blood-work (since the actual appointment is just going to get me a blood-work time)

-go to music building to update liveblog

-practice

-go to piano organization meeting

-grab 710mL can of beer en route to home

-work out

-consume beer while reading/browsing internet intermittently

-shower

-bed

08:00: Teeth brushed (oh, did I mention I flossed last night?? That’s right I’m getting back on my floss game before I lose all my teeth and gums to decay!!!), face washed, hair wetted (it’s naturally looking good today, somehow, like, my bed hair looks pretty nice, so, minimal product needed), thermal shirt on, Champion hoodie I took from Corrina (on the night of Dungeon World, she had this bag of clothing she was going to donate, and offered any of it to us, and there “just so happened” to be this amazing coral or light-pink Champion hoodie that fits me PERFECTLY) on, brown slim pants on. Making a G Fuel shake, feeling a little out-of-it, probably because I’m really not used to waking this early, but I’m sure after a day or two it’ll be fine. Weather today should be good, for the first time in a while, we haven’t got much sun in a long time…

08:10: Taking this G Fuel “straight to the face,” really chugging it while updating music on iPod. Putting some more black metal on it, feel like I’m in the right mood today to listen to something bleak and aggressive but still feel good while doing so?? Not sure why I feel this, but, I mean, just going to “go along with it.” Could have left a bit earlier, but, like, I only have to sign the new work contract at 11h, which gives me way enough time, if I get there when the clinic opens at 08h30 there might be a substantial line already, but it’s not going to be, like, two-and-a-half hours long substantial. Feeling like I’m “leisurely treating myself” by allowing myself to leave by 08:30.

08:21: En route to clinic now. Witnessed police stopping bikers for some kind of infraction at an intersection, who look like students. Jesus, imagine just trying to make your 08h30 lecture on a frigid morning, biking and not driving, and you get stopped by a cop?? Who’s going to write you a ticket?? That’s going to cost an inordinate amount of money that you can’t afford because you’re a student?? And then it’ll make you late for your lecture?? That’s gonna throw your entire day off, like, what the heck, I understand they have a quota and they need to write a certain number of tickets, but why give it to a student… Who’s clearly on their way to class… I don’t know, this upset me, I don’t like this, I don’t like this at all. Keep turning backwards to witness the cop writing the ticket, trying to internalize their face.

08:36: Okay, got my ticket, number 90, the last number that was called was, like, 72? So I’m really not that far off. I know that people like to “trash talk” this clinic, and I know individual experience is no way to accurately report anything, but I guess I’ve always been lucky in that I haven’t yet had a bad experience with this clinic. I mean this in the physical sense, like, for physical ailments, I have no concept of how the mental health side of the clinic operates, though from what I hear it’s, uh… It’s not the greatest…

One of the comfy chairs is available, and not just the wooden benches, miraculously, going to read Foucault. Feeling alert, and, like, sort of preppy?? This is unlike me, I almost never feel like this. I think it’s just because of the early start, and my optimism with finally “setting things straight” in my life. Also feeling excited to go to arcade with A on Friday, feeling like I need to “earn” it, need to accomplish my lists of tasks for the day or else I can’t allow myself any relaxation time. Seems like this is a good thing to do, if done responsibly.

Always feel a strange sort of social structure exists at the clinic, not sure why I think so, though… There’s a weird sort-of tension between the students, and the secretaries behind their desks, like, a palpable but under-the-rug aggression between them, and then between the students there too seems to be a weird no-holds-barred sort-of attitude that I can’t place. Need to think more about this, maybe it has something to do with the stress that comes with being ill, and also the mutual struggle of attempting to see a limited amount of doctors?

09:45: Okay, my number was called, wow, that went by a lot quicker than I thought it would. Making my way through the Foucault, so far it hasn’t been terribly difficult to comprehend, though that’s one of the reasons why I chose this book and not other philosophy books I was looking to “get into.” Wanted to explore postmodern philosophy since I am not well versed in it AT ALL, but didn’t want to immediately start with a philosopher that writes primarily through references to other philosophical concepts, or presupposes a wide array of knowledge of other philosophers, because I just don’t really know much about philosophy at all. His rhetorical strategies are so efficient, was sending a message to [removed] about it being, like, “he’ll introduce an argumentative position you didn’t even know you had, and then he’ll explain why it’s invalid, before you even realized you could take that perspective.” Not sure if I’m describing this well, I hope I am…

09:47: Got my time for the appointment: 12h exactly. Going to head to McLennan now and update liveblog, which should take me right up until when I need to head to the music building to sign the contract. Mission: Accomplished.

10:43: Just finishing up this first liveblog update, feeling mental state continuing to ascend from a place of grogginess to a place of awareness. Really enjoying this feeling, like, really appreciating that it’s happening, and wanting it to continue. Realize, too, that even if I get adequate sleep and wake early, it doesn’t guarantee days like this, but also know that it caters to them a lot more than sleeping at 3, or worse.

Appointment time also means I’ll have adequate time to get a bit of practicing done, can at least get through my finger exercises and maybe some run-throughs, though maybe I should focus more on passage work at this point? I don’t know, I’ll “feel it out” once I’m in the practice rooms. Need to leave soon for the music building.

Also know I shouldn’t have more caffeine, but?? Like?? A coffee and a donut sounds so good right now? Do I do it, do I “become the slob?” Picturing myself as this giant amoeba sac right now, just sort of flopping along the ground, trying to get somewhere in the least efficient manner possible. I think, yeah, yeah, I think I’m gonna do it… but not yet… Going to do it before heading to the clinic again… Yeah, yeah, going to get that donut after I finish practicing. Then I’ll at least feel less guilty about spending money out on a coffee and donut. Remembering when I used to go to MIT on the weekends and my dad (who drove me there) and my little brother would sit in the student centre and get Dunkin Donuts. Dad would do work on his laptop and brother would study, or play handheld video games, and brother would always get the “glazed stick.” Was his favourite of all the pastries they had there. I don’t think I really have a favourite donut?? Depends heavily on my mood, but, like, okay, George’s Most Frequently Consumed Donut: jelly. Yummie. Gimme that jelly, need it, need that, need that jelly-- gimme.

Walking to music building now “with a pep in my step” hahaha

11:05: Finished signing the new contract. Took all of five seconds, though I don’t really know what I was expecting?? It’s, I mean, it’s just a contract, I have no idea why I thought it would take anything longer than that… Also have to make an amendment to the daily schedule, I completely forgot that the bloodwork lab is just walk-in as long as you have the right forms from your appointment, so I should be able to go directly from my appointment to the bloodwork lab, get my blood drawn, and then leave right after!! Less time wasted, can also mitigate it further via reading more Foucault while back in the clinic. Have a bit of time now to try and practice.

11:07: All piano rooms taken. Seems to be par for the course these days around this time, but it would have been nice to have an upright, even for a small chunk of time. There’s some uprights available on the third floor so I’ll just take one of those, even though almost all of them, like, literally, 99% of them are just horrendous. But, most people never even get the chance to touch a piano, so who am I to complain?

Going to run through my Alkan and Thalberg, and then going to focus work on Beethoven. Not too unprepared for prescreenings, and will definitely not be unprepared for auditions, for once, feeling confident about this. Just have a handful of passages in these two romantic-era works that I still stumble on that I’m not 100% feeling comfortable with, but, I mean, they’re not out of reach, or anything, I just really hate detail-oriented practicing.

Upright I got is one of the “absolutely atrocious” ones. Surprise, surprise. Terrible touch, terrible sound, feels more like I’m playing on soggy bread than a keyboard. Going to “make the most of it,” hopefully will get a grand in the next practice session.

11:50: Heading back to clinic for actual appointment and bloodwork. Shouldn’t take too long, I’m anticipating, so there’s still a huge chunk of the day left to practice piano. I’ll start studying for the second behavioural neuropsychology midterm on Saturday and Sunday, that should be enough time before Monday to make my way through all the lectures that are being tested on, not too worried about this. Thank god the bulk of midterm season is over and I don’t have to honestly worry about finals for a bit, feels good not to be freaking out every single night over not spending enough time studying.

12:50: Okay my appointment time was 12:15 and I’m still waiting…

13:15: Yeah, I guess they’re running way behind. I should have anticipated this, “should have known” not everything clinic-related would go so smoothly. I’m not angry, or anything, like, they have an enormous volume of students to handle and not enough funding to do it properly, it’s not their fault, just would’ve liked to get “in and out.” Making good progress on the Foucault, on a particularly difficult section now where he discusses the concept of soul in relation to penal systems. Having to reread a bunch of sections to understand what he’s talking about, I hate when this happens, always gets me annoyed/frustrated and makes me want to hurl things against walls, or something. Keeping me occupied, at least.

Also feeling first surge of exhaustion of the day; I figure this is just cause of the earlier wake time than I’ve been used to in a while, also that I got just over my threshold of sleep, this always happens, feels like this happens to most people a few times a day anyways, especially when they’re just sitting in a warm space on a relatively comfortable surface while reading. Fighting it off via taking massive breaths and shaking my head.

13:25: Hey, okay, the consultation is done! Went in, doctor was real nice and all. Got my forms for all the blood tests that they’re gonna run, “making my way” to the bloodwork lab. They’re closed for lunch until 13:45, but that means I might be one of the first people in before they get back, so I’ll definitely not have to wait long for someone to stab me with a needle.

14:25: DONE. WE DID IT. They’re only gonna call me if I need to come in for some reason because of some concerning results or whatever, so if they don’t, I should be A HEALTHY HUMAN from the perspective of BLOOD. Got message from [redacted], going to go and have lunch with them instead of lunch at home; nice that we have this weekly Thursday lunch recap thing, feels wholesome, and a nice way to “keep in touch.” Always enjoy talking to them. Will probably splurge and get a banh mi, keep telling myself I’m making the “big bucks” now post-promotion, but, like, should still probably “keep a wrap” on how much I spent eating out… Walking to music building now, feeling high levels of excitement.

15:49: Lunch/talk with [redacted] done. Seems like we never have a shortage of things to discuss, it’s always rapidfire conversation from the second we see each other until one of us or both have to leave. Glad to have people like that in my life, where conversation never seems to be exhaustible, in a natural, non-forced way. Still going to head home, though; not going to my cog sci lecture. Feeling like it’s “not worth it” because I’m behind on the readings and I know, from attending a bunch of previous lectures, that I’m not going to be able to follow much what’s going on. Don’t have to study for the final for this for a while longer, thank the lord, but I do have quite the backlog of readings for this class. Imagined myself saying “I do have quite the backlog” with a heavy British accent of some sort. Reminds me of Dunkirk, that Christopher Nolan film, was rewatching parts of it last night. Feel like it’s definitely one of my favourite films, one of the few films without much dialogue and with a huge focus on pure action that still makes you endeared to the characters and story, even if the story is all but nonexistent, in my opinion; I feel like the way it was structured, which confused some reviewers I like, was really good and made a lot of sense; feel like if the story was told entirely linearly, things wouldn’t have coalesced and climaxed in the way that it did; by splitting the story into three timelines shown on screen at the same time, but taking place in actuality at different moments, and depicted on-screen at differing speeds, only to finally come together, where the viewer can see all three parts merge, really makes the film; first time seeing it in theatres was with my parents, I was immediately like, “I have to see this again, I can’t watch this 70mm film on my laptop.” This was during one of my breaks, and I headed back to school soon after, and then I literally saw the movie another two times, and even bought a ticket for one of my friends to “coerce them” into seeing it before it was taken off screens.

Gonna walk home now and just recuperate for a moment, not going to risk lying down in bed, or anything, but it’ll be nice to be back in my apartment even for ten minutes or so.

16:32: Okay, spent twenty-ish minutes idly watching tech-related YouTube videos, now going to head back to school for some practice. This little forty-minute diversion cut a chunk out of practice time, but felt it was worth it, was feeling a little strained after the talk with [redacted], not because of the talk, but, right after the talk ended, I felt another surge of tiredness. Realizing now the first surge might be because of the caffeine crash after the G Fuel I had in the morning, combined with having just eaten, which has a whole host of reasons why it naturally makes people feel tired. Gonna “do the ol’” Beethoven, it’s the opus 110 sonata, my favourite sonata he ever wrote, but I think I already told you that?? Whatever, I’m telling you again, this is my blog, shut up.

18:22: In McLennan now, gonna use these forty minutes to update the liveblog. Piano meeting “looming,” imminent piano organization meeting. Great way to end the penultimate weekday. Tomorrow though I do have a really really long all-day work shift that’s not going to end until 22h, which I’m sort of miffed at, actually. Still, it’ll be a good impetus to get me out of bed again at seven-thirty-ish so I can practice before my 10h lecture, because right after the lecture my shift starts, and then right after the shift I’m meeting up with A. Glad I also got that banh mi in my stomach earlier, feeling minimally hungry. Today was a productive day.

Might be the last blog post of the day, if I have beer I usually don’t really feel the need to update the liveblog, because I’m just sitting in my apartment sipping beer and reading things. This might be it for today, I love you people so much, and I hope your days were good too!!!! See you soon!!!!!!

[metronomeihear]

Please Listen

I’m not sure how many of you know this, and I’m not sure how many of you care, but I’m sick.

I have a genetic disorder called CIRS that makes me sensitive to things in my environment, things like mold. A few years ago, I was exposed to black mold growing in my bedroom, mold that got there as a result of the bathroom above my room having a leak. My illness causes all sorts of havoc on my body, including swelling in my brain, inflammation in my joints and ribs, and imbalances in my hormones. As a result, I have days where I’m in so much pain where I can’t breathe (though those are thankfully far and few between), issues with long term and short term memory, and what has been dubbed “brain fog.” (Essentially it’s making really stupid and strange decisions that seem logical at the time, but in reality aren’t. Things like putting your cell phone in the fridge instead of the milk. You know you’re supposed to put something in the fridge, it just doesn’t quite click that it’s supposed to be the milk and not your phone). 

My entire family has this illness. It’s a strange twist of fate that both my parents have the genes, and thus all my siblings and I have it too. Of the five of us, my mother easily has it the worst. She got ill before I was born, and got worse when I was very young, and I can remember a period of my life where I was lucky if I saw her outside of her room more than once every few weeks. She is better now that she’s getting proper treatment, but she’s still the most ill. 

After her, I am probably the most sick person in my family. I have issues with my hands when I try to type for long periods of time, or if I try to do things like hold a game controller for more than a few hours. My ribs have flare ups, usually minor flare ups that aren’t much more than an annoyance (though they have gotten bad enough that I couldn’t do much more than lay there and hope the pain meds would kick in soon). I get headaches often and I’m prone to migraines. I am physically incapable of standing for more than 10 minutes at a time without having to sit down. I have issues with remembering names, places, things that have been asked of me, and things that I have done before. I can’t remember what I had for dinner yesterday, and I once couldn’t remembering the name of my first boyfriend, not even three months after we broke up. I am incapable of telling how much time has passed since an incident occurred, prone to dizzy spells, and often make poor decisions due to brain fog. Despite all of this, I have been told that I do not look sick.

I am not asking for pity. I am not asking you do donate to a fund, or to message a politician, or start a war.

 I have a story to tell and I am asking for you to listen.

My mother once told me a story about the time she had gall stones. I don’t remember the specifics of the story, and the specifics don’t truly matter in this case, but the story went something like this:

My mother woke one night from a bout of really intense pain. This was before I was born, back when it was just my mother and my father living just across the street from my grandparents. She woke up next to my father, who was still sleeping, and she just breathed. She breathed through the pain until it went away, and then went back to sleep. That was the end of it. Only the pain kept coming back. It would always fade after a short while, so whenever it happened, by mother would just breathe through it until it did. My father was worried, however, and insisted my mother go to a doctor. They described the incidents to the doctor, and the doctor prescribed some pain meds and sent my mother home. “It’s just gas,” he said, “It will pass.” Only it didn’t. Eventually, my mother was hit by a bout of pain so intense my father drove her to the emergency room, where they found out that the pain was a result of my mother passing gall stones.

Gall stones have been described as one of the most painful things a person can ever experience. There have been people who, when they pass them, cannot do much more than scream. My mother, on the other hand, simply got up and continued with her day. This was because she was already used to pain.

It’s not because my father is abusive or anything like that--that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It’s that genetic illness I mentioned earlier. That was the cause of her pain, though at the time everyone thought it was the result of Arthritis, rather than CIRS. She was used enough to pain that passing gall stones simply didn’t bother her until she tried to pass one that was too large for her to do so. 

It’s truly ridiculous what a person can get used to. I saw a study once that tested how long it would take for a person to get used to seeing the entire world upside down. It took them only three days before they were functioning normally. It was the same after the glasses they were wearing to flip their view was taken off. Only three days to get used to your vision being flipped.

Because my mother was as used to pain as she was, the doctor she visited misdiagnosed her. Because I am as used to pain as I am, and because my illness does not affect my appearance, people do not believe I am sick. Not unless I’m having a really bad day, where everything hurts, and even then I might not be believed. 

I'm in college. At the college I attend, there is an office for the disabled and I went there to get forms to fill out to help me make it through the semester. I was feeling fairly good that day, so I left my cane at home, and as a result the people working in that office did not believe I was sick. They didn’t say anything, but I could see the disbelief in their faces, and when I looked back after leaving, I saw them shooting glances at me and whispering. Other than that, I have been told, to my face, that I do not look sick.

And why would I? I have good days and bad days. I rarely leave my home anymore, mostly because I can’t walk very far and there isn’t much for me to do that doesn't involve a lot of walking or being in a building that potentially has mold in it. When I’m out and about and I don’t have my cane with me, there’s no sign that I’m ill. No sign. But I am. And if you looked at my home, you’d see that.

We have a counter in the kitchen that’s dedicated solely to supplements and medicine. We have boxes upon boxes of syringes and saline and needles and medicine. We have an oxygen machine because sometimes our brains don’t get enough so we need the extra help. We take pills at every meal, pills after we wake up, and pills to go to sleep. We eat special diets because our stomachs can’t handle regular, commercial food. We attend online schools because the last time that I attended a normal school, there was an issue with the air vents in my math classroom that triggered my illness so bad that I was down for two days after entering that room. I was pulled from school after that incident.

I compare it to mental illnesses in my head sometimes. To things like depression. I know a lot about mental illnesses, too, because that’s something my family suffers from as well. My brother is autistic. My sister has ADHD. Both my mother and I suffer from chronic depression. We look perfectly fine, and so often people just don’t believe us when we say that we feel these things, when in reality it’s all very real.

I live in fear that one day our insurance won’t be enough to cover the medicine we need. Already it’s approaching that point. We have to focus on what we can treat and what we can’t for no other reason than the insurance can’t cover everything and we can’t afford to pay out of pocket. I live in America, and I really hate the American medical pricing, because everything is ridiculously over priced and it’s literately something that’s killing my family slowly. I live in fear that one day one of my siblings will be exposed to something really bad and get just as sick as I am, or worse, just as sick as my mother is. I live in fear that my father will go to work in a building that’s mold infested, and come home every day sicker than the last because he doesn’t have a choice. He’s been out of the job for months now, and tonight we celebrated because he finally found one again, just as we were starting to wonder if we were going to lose our house. It doesn’t matter if the building he’s going to work in now might be mold infested, because we don’t have a choice. This is the only job he can have. The only job in months of searching that would accept him. And if he raises a fuss, they can drop him just like that. That’s what the last place he worked at did, after all.

(Fuck you, Intel. Seriously, fuck you.)

I’m not sure why I’m writing this out. Maybe it’s because that’s how I deal with things. I write. I write poetry dedicated to sunsets that sound like suicide notes. I write stories were the main character burned to death in her last life, and suffers from PTSD as a result. I write stories were boys walk to their deaths and nothing can stop them. I write stories were people suffer and hurt and struggle and fail. I write long rants that I never post anywhere because I’m afraid of what people would say if they read them. I write and I write and I write until it doesn’t hurt anymore.

I write stories were those people pick themselves back up. I write stories were the outcasts find family and friends. I write stories where the nightmares that haunt them become easier to bare because a friend is there when they wake up. I write stories where the suicidal boy finds someone to catch them. I write stories were people, normal people just like me, find home and happiness and safety. I write long rants to give to my parents to say the things I can’t bring myself to physically open my moth and say out loud. Things like how sometimes I feel like I’m falling apart trying to keep everything together when it seems like everything is crashing down around me. Things like how frustrating it is to not know how to help my brother with his homework because he thinks differently than I do. Things like how much it hurts to hear that my sister can’t force herself to say “I love you,” and “Good night,” when I go to greet her before bed. 

I love my life. I love my family more than I can say and I have never been more grateful for anything than how loving and supportive they are of me and my interests. I love the friends I have made on this website, as few and far between as they are, and I love that I’m finding people to talk to on Discord who share my interests. I love that the people I meet are so supportive of me, who call me strong for being able to talk and write about when I was suicidal when there are days when I feel like the weakest person on the planet. I have been to Yosemite and seen a deer walk right up to my table, so close I could almost touch it. I have seen water falls and sunrises on mountains and the ocean from high up in a plane. I have visited my grandparents in another country half way across the world to celebrate their 80th birthday, and walked a beach in Hawaii at night, my feet in water that felt so warm. I never get hateful reviews on my stories, the worst review I’ve ever gotten on a story I’ve written being a short comment about hating yaoi. I’ve been thanked for the things I’ve written, been told I brought them hope with what I’ve written. “Writing this chapter was an act of bravery I’ll never forget.”  A reviewer once wrote that in a chapter I wrote about a suicidal character, and I remember just staring at that review and smiling so hard my cheeks hurt. I remember getting a review once, only two words long, that read “Thank you,” and bursting out crying because I’d had a really shitty day up to that point and that review--I’m not sure how to describe it. It made my day, made me think that everything I am doing, all the things I am struggling with, are worth it, and that feeling is something priceless, something precious. 

And then there’s today. Today has not been one of my good days. I woke up with minor aches and pains, pain that was worse than what I usually feel on a day to day basis, but nothing too bad. I posted another chapter of a drabble series I’m working on, a funny series that’s something like 90% crack with how ridiculous it is. I went on with my day, browsed through tumblr and rebloged everything that caught my eye. I worked on school work, got distracted, and worked on it some more. My pain got worse however, and it hurts to type right now. I’ve taken my pain meds, and they’ve taken the edge off of things, but it still hurts. My family noticed this. 

Today we were celebrating. My dad finally got a job, so we were having ribs and freshly dug up sweet potato and red wine. It was delicious, but it hurt for me to get up and out of the chair, and I couldn’t cut the meat properly without a steak knife because my hands hurt too much. After we were finished eating, and I put my plate on the counter to be washed, my father opened his arms for a hug, and he told me he was sorry.

He said to me, “I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.” I told him it wasn’t his fault. And he said to me, “Yes it is. And I’m sorry.”

And I wanted to take him by the shoulders and shake him until he understood that it wasn’t his fault, that it wasn’t anyone's fault, and that the only reason this family was still going was because he has been working so hard for all of us, when anyone else would have left a long, long time ago.

I am frustrated. I am so, so frustrated.

I don’t know why I’m writing this. I don’t know why I’m posting this. It’s not going to change the fact that I’m sick. It’s not going to change the fact that our insurance sucks and the leader of the country I live in wants to take away even that. It’s not going to change the fact that my father feels guilty for something that’s not his fault, and it’s not going to change any of the problems my family faces. 

But I want to. I want people to know that there are people like me out there, who suffer for reasons beyond their control. I want people to know that not every person you speak to has a perfect life, and someone who looks healthy could be dying right in front of you. I want people to consider people like me when they vote, to not throw us under the bus just because we’re a minority, or because our voices aren’t loud enough, or because our issues aren’t as public and well known as other issues are.

I want people to listen to me when I say I’m sick.

[pjbehindthesun]

chapter 3: on evolution

Thursday, June 21st, 1990

“Hey, Red!”

I grit my teeth as I try my hardest not to slam the filter basket into the espresso machine before turning around. Another yuppie asshole, stinking of cologne and money, leaning on the counter like he owns it, right in my face. He’s so close that I have to keep myself from recoiling in surprise. His impeccably pressed blue dress shirt has one of those white collars. As if there could be any doubt.

“Hiya, gorgeous, how about a refill?” he fixes me with a flirtatious smile, all perfect white teeth and empty blue eyes.

“Sure thing, sir,” I reply with what I hope is a convincing smile and take his cup. He puffs his chest out a little at the “sir.” I don’t know why but I half expect him to pound it like a gorilla.

“How long have you been working here?” He blatantly eyes me up and down. “Can’t be very long? I think I would have noticed a gorgeous thing like you.”

Thing. Figures.

“Only a couple months, and only part-time,” I keep my voice neutral, but his sliminess is saturating all my senses, tuning out the chatter of the other customers, the clank of dishes, the smell of coffee. I hand him his cup.

“How about you give me your phone number too, baby?”

“Oh, uh,” I try for a natural laugh, “no, I’m taken.”

He takes the cup with one hand and grabs hold of my hand with his other one, lacing his fingers into mine before I can pull away. “I don’t see a ring,” he says in a low, unctuous voice, “so I don’t see a problem.”

“No, really, I –” I stammer as I rack my brain to try to find a way out of this interaction without pissing him off. He may be slime, but he’s paying customer slime and I’m on the clock. I’m still fumbling for words when the ding of the cafe doorbell and the thud of approaching boots cut through my thickening fog of anxiety.

“Hey bud, you wanna tell me why you’re bothering my woman?” comes a menacing voice from a tall figure who’s just materialized behind the asshole. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to laugh.

The jerk’s mouth falls open as turns around and finds himself looking squarely at Chris’s black-clad chest before he looks up. He releases my hand like he’s been electrocuted and puts his own hands up defensively. “Hey, brother, it’s cool, didn’t mean anything by it, you know how it is…”

“I’m not sure I do, maybe you can tell me.” Chris’s voice is a little softer now, a little lower, but somehow that makes it all the more intimidating as he folds his arms across his chest and scowls down at the yuppie.

“Come on, man, you’ve just got a really hot piece here, can’t be helped!” He attempts a smile, and something in his contorted face reminds me of the evolutionary origin of the primate smile. Show your fangs, clenched together, submissive, unthreatening.

Chris leans in further and says, quietly, “I’m thinking unless you want to be my next ritualistic sacrifice, it can.”

Ok, that’s it, I’m finished. I whirl around and wipe up the bar, letting my hair fall in front of my face so neither of them can see me laughing in the mirror. Unfortunately, that means I miss watching the asshole skitter towards the door, but when the bell dings I turn back around to see Satan himself grinning at me.

“Pretty pleased with yourself, aren’t you, Mr. Crowley?”

“A simple thank you works, Cora.”

“So that’s a yes then. You cost me a customer.” I glower at him as I grab the coffee pot and make my way out from behind the bar.

“I’m thinking that’s one you won’t miss.”

“I won’t, but my boss will,” I stick my tongue out at him. “And thanks. But really. Your woman??”

“Hey, it got rid of him, didn’t it?”

“Still. You didn’t have to John Wayne the shit out of the situation. I could have handled it, you know.”

“Oh, believe me, I know, I’ve witnessed it. He just seemed like the type who wouldn’t get the hint unless he knew you were someone else’s territory.” He lowers his eyes to his boots like he’s ashamed to even admit that the type exists, but we both know he’s got it pegged.

“Well, at least we’ve evolved past territorial pissing.”

“Maybe you have, Smokey…” he looks up slowly with an evil grin.

“Gross.” I wrinkle my nose with a laugh. “What brings you in?”

“Apart from the usual terrorizing of the bastards?”

“Obviously.”

“I just wanted to make sure you’re still coming to our show on Saturday! You’re not working, right?” This is the third time in the two weeks since we met that he’s stopped by the cafe to remind me about his show. Considering that I only work here part-time, that’s a pretty impressive stalking record. Even I have to admit that the boyish eagerness is adorable.

“Not working. No lab. I’ll be there. My friend Lucy’s coming too, is that cool?”

“Is that cool??” he echoes as he pulls me into a hug that lifts me off my feet and sloshes out some coffee from the pot.

“Oh shit, let me help,” he says, setting me down and grabbing the rag from the pocket of my apron and bending down to wipe up the floor and the toe of my boot.

“You’ve done enough, I think. And you’d better let me get back to the rest of my non-predatory customers.” I raise my eyebrows and nod down the wall of dark, heavy wooden booths. He lightly takes hold of my shoulders and steers me around to face them, walking me awkwardly down the narrow row.

“I’ll see you Saturday, baby bear,” he grins in my ear before letting go and backing out of the cafe.

My nearest booth of customers is a pair of girls about my age, and from the looks on their faces they’d been watching the whole confrontation. “How are we doing over here, ladies, anyone need anything? More coffee?”

“Was that Chris Cornell??” One of them asks with wide eyes.

“That’s him.”

“He’s your boyfriend??” her friend squeals.

“No, definitely not,” I shake my head with a chuckle as I top off their mugs. “Just a friend. Can I get you anything else?”

***

Friday, June 22nd, 1990

“So, what video am I picking up?” I ask over the phone, wary of the response. Tonight’s our standing bi-monthly movie night, which is something of an odd tradition because although Cora is my best friend in this world, we can’t agree on movies to save our lives. We end up alternating in order to keep the peace, which means half of the movies are romance or comedy (my pick) and the other half are…

“John Carpenter’s The Thing?”

“No way. We did that already, I am not watching that thing with the dogs again.”

“They’re puppets, Luce!”

“It’s no, Cor.”

“I’m assuming The Wrath of Khan is still off the table?”

“As long as it still has ear-invading alien bugs…”

We go back and forth a few more rounds until she gets me to settle on The Empire Strikes Back. At least Harrison Ford’s not bad to look at. And it will be easier to find in the store than some of the more obscure ones she’s come up with in the past.

It’s a little after 4:30 when I hang up, which gives me enough time to get the last of these invoices sent out. The hallway in front of my desk is actually pretty quiet, for once. I’ve been in this job for two years now, ever since I graduated, and I honestly think my supervisor Greta gave me her old desk in the front of the station so she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone anymore. Everyone treats me like a receptionist, constantly asking me questions and calling me “Excuse me, Miss?” I don’t mind too much, I guess – I actually like people, unlike Greta The Disgruntled – but it makes it a little harder to get everything done. I’m just getting down to it when I hear my name echo down the hall. Jake is jogging towards my desk with a big smile on his face.

“Hey, Jake! Done for the day?” I ask as he comes to a halt at the counter above my desk.

“Nearly. I just needed a quick breath of fresh air, seeing as I’m now in the sea of paperwork portion of the program.” he scrunches his eyes shut and then widens them with a zoned out look, as if trying to refocus.

“Oh, well then, welcome to my native habitat.” I wave a hand over the pile of papers and brightly colored sticky notes spread across my desk.

He props his elbows on the counter and rests his chin on his hands. “I like it here. The locals, anyway.”

Don’t ask me why, but talking to Jake got so much easier over the last week or so. I used to be a nervous wreck whenever he’d come by to say hello. One time I spilled a bottle of White-Out in my lap and ruined my skirt just because he waved. In my defense, he’s like, ridiculously, superfluously good-looking. He’s tall, dark, and handsome, just the perfect cliche. But last week we started chatting more, and he seems so much less intimidating now that I know what a sweetheart he is. It’s been refreshing to make a new friend, and I really don’t know what I was so worked up about.

“So, save any lives lately?”

“Today was pretty boring, thankfully,” he knocks gently on the press board of my desk, “just an anaphylactic toddler.”

“Poor thing!”

“Nah, she’s okay now. Just a strawberry-free life from now on.”

“I don’t know, that sounds pretty terrible to me.”

“Yeah, I guess it does,” he concedes, straightening up and ruffling up his hair a little. ““How was your day?”

“Compared to a lifesaving day in the pediatric ward, I’d say it was absolutely riveting,” I tease, patting the ream of paper piled up in my outbox.

“And what are you up to tonight?”

“Movie night with my friend. It’s a tradition.”

“Lucky friend,” he smiles, “whatcha watchin?”

“Star Wars. She picked it out,” I add hastily. Jake’s bright green eyes light up even more, if that’s possible.

“Oh, which one?”

“Don’t you start too! Empire.”

“Hmm. More of a Jedi fan myself. Empire’s so dark, I’m a sucker for a happy ending.” Is he blushing?

“Me too! Cora says it’s all just a little too perfect, but what does she know, she likes the weirdest stuff.”

“Cora? That your friend?”

“That’s her.” I point to a picture of the two of us on my desk, and he cranes over the counter to get a closer look. It’s a somewhat blurry, lopsided, sun-spotted photo we took of ourselves at the Japanese garden at the Arboretum in March, when the cherry blossoms were going insane. I took a whole bunch just in case none turned out, which was wise, because this is the only one where we’re even remotely both in frame, and Cora’s grumpy expression is the perfect barometer of how many pictures I’ve made her take before that one. But she’s a faker, because she’s got the same photo up on the cork board in her room.

“That picture is sickeningly adorable, you know that?” Jake beams, straightening back up. “Well, what are you up to tomorrow night then?”

“Oh, uh, tomorrow’s the Soundgarden show.” Why is he so interested in all of my evening plans all of a sudden?

“Hmmm. Busy lady. Well maybe –” Greta’s squawky fishwife voice, saying something indistinguishable but clearly annoyed, suddenly booms off the linoleum from goodness knows where, making us both jump and then laugh. “Better let you get back to it before the boss lady catches you slacking,” he teases with a smile, patting the counter a couple times with his hand before he darts around the corner.

Did he – was that – was Jake just trying to ask me out? No way, I’m imagining things.

But what if he was? I mean, I’ve been crushing on him since he started his residency here last summer. He’s so kind, and funny, and thoughtful, and… expected. He’s everything I’ve always been told I wanted. Daughter of a doctor, I always figured that would be my life eventually too. So why don’t I feel more excited that he’s finally noticed me?

…Why haven’t I run into Jeff again?

Jesus, it’s almost 5, I’ve got to finish this paperwork and get out of here.

***

June 21st. Which makes it three months and two days. My life’s changed so much since that message from Xana that it’s barely recognizable. And I don’t even have time to figure it out, because we’re still in this fucking contract, promoting the album, as though in the minds of the record company, nothing’s happened. And I guess for them, that’s true. They’ve got whatever new thing coming down the back end to fill the void. And Andy’s words are still reaching new people, just like he always wanted, but he’s not here to see it. What about our void?

I guess that’s what tonight’s about. A bunch of us are meeting out at Discovery Park, just a typical bonfire type deal, but we’ve all got this in common. This… loss. Me and Stone, Bruce, Greg, Chris, Kevin. A club no one wants to be a part of, but everyone seems to need. I don’t even have the words to make sense out of it, and I fucking hope no one tries. Just as I’m tossing the bundle of firewood and the case of shitty, cheap beer in the trunk of my car, a little Corolla rumbles into the parking lot and scatters my thoughts about Andy. It’s so ancient that it’s hard to tell what color it’s supposed to be, but I’ll settle on blue only out of charity. It’s old enough that it never even had a passenger side mirror, and the rear bumper appears to be held on by sheer willpower. The engine shuts off and that gorgeous girl from the hallway last week steps out.

“Hey, Lucy?” I call out.

Her face breaks into this warm, radiant smile as soon as she spots me, like she’s known me forever, before her shyness takes over again and her cheeks flush a little. “Hey, Jeff.”

“Hi,” I grin back, blissfully forgetting about it all, for now. “Whatcha up to?”

She waves a bag from the video store excitedly. “Movie night! Not for a while, though, Cora -- that’s my friend on your hall -- she usually doesn’t get back from the lab until around 8, and that’s on a good day.”

“Even on a Friday?” I wrinkle my forehead. What’s so fucking important?

Lucy seems to read my mind. “I know, I know. You have to love her for it, though, we need people like her to save the world. She’s a mad scientist, you know that, right?”

I chuckle a little. “No, I actually don’t know her at all. I run into that guy of hers occasionally. He’s… interesting.” My Great Plains manners are asserting themselves. I honestly can’t stand the guy, but I’m not about to say that to this friend of his.

“That’s a word for what he is,” she mumbles through her teeth to the pavement, and I feel another surge of warmth for her.

“So movie night is just you girls, I take it?”

“By definition. Where are you off to, with your firewood?”

“Oh, uh, a bonfire thing. Up at Discovery Park.” I shut the trunk and lean on it, hoping she doesn’t ask me anymore about it. Talking to her is just… comfortable, easy, and there’s not enough of that in my life right now.

“What’s the occasion?” Shit. But it’s not like she could have known. I look over her face, all open and sweet, and try to find a way to say it out loud.

“Uhm, there isn’t one, really, it’s just… a bunch of us… uhm… we… we lost a friend. Little while back…” I blink fiercely to try to stop the stinging in my eyes.

She hops up on the trunk of my car and lays a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, Jeff. I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah. Yeah, thanks.” I swallow hard to push down the lump in my throat as she rubs her hand up and down my arm briefly before dropping it to her lap.  

I glance over at her, expecting to see the usual pitying expression, but she’s just watching me carefully, with serene blue eyes. A wisp of blonde hair is blowing in her face and she tries, unsuccessfully, to keep it looped behind her ear. I don’t know how she’s doing it, but it’s like she’s lending me some of her calm, wrapping me up in it and making it easier to breathe.

“So, uh, you work at the hospital?” I sniff, trying to regain some composure.

“How’d you – oh, I’m a ditz, my badge,” she giggles, toying with the Harborview photo ID around her neck.

I gently lift it from her fingers and inspect the photo. It’s a good one, although I’m sure this girl couldn’t take a bad picture if she tried. “Wow, your hair used to be so long.”

“Mmhmm, even longer than yours. Although I wish I’d thought to wear hats more often, I bet they cut down on the maintenance.” Her eyes linger on the oversized blue striped beanie I’ve got on tonight as a small smile plays on her lips. I pull the hat off and set it on her head, pretending to judge her like a critic evaluating a painting.

“Well? Am I pulling it off?” she giggles.

“Unfairly well, actually. Gimme that back,” I say as I snatch it off her head and arrange it back on my much scruffier head.

“So what do you do at this hospital of yours?”

“I’m a medical biller. It’s a fast-paced and exciting world.” She adopts a monotone, but she can’t keep a straight face for long before that nervous giggle bubbles back up.

“That’s right, you told me that. Living the dream. What’s your real dream?”

“It’s not important, it’s nowhere near as cool as yours.”

“Oh come on, what does that have to do with anything?”

She blushes furiously and looks down at the ground. “I just think it’s so cool, you know, that you’re a musician. I wish I was more creative.”

“I mean it, what is your big dream?” I don’t mean to hassle her, but it’s not just small talk now. I am just genuinely curious about what she wants for her life. And I just met her, what the hell?

“I want to…” Jesus, she’s almost cringing, “…be a mental health counselor?” her voice rises up, asking rather than telling.

It takes me a second to realize that the reason she’s cringing is that I’m gaping at her, and I try to pull my face back together. “Sorry,” I say, inadvertently laughing a little, “it’s just… it’s perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! What are you waiting for, you should totally do that!”

She beams at me and adds, “I just don’t know how good I’d be at it, but like, I grew up in this tiny little town, and… there just weren’t a lot of mental health services, well there wasn’t much of anything, and…” her voice trails off as she notices me grinning back. “Ha, what??” that nervous laugh again.

“It’s nothing, heh, I just, uh… I grew up in a town of like 700 people, so I sort of know the feeling.”

“You did?? Where?”

“The absolute fuckin’ Middle of Nowhere, Montana. The booming metropolis of Big Sandy.”

“Whoa, Montana! You’re a long ways from home.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” She grins at me again and fidgets with that one golden wisp of hair. “Where’s your little town?”

“Brewster, it’s in Washington, a ways east of here. I mean, I guess everything is, unless you live in an island in the freaking ocean, obviously, well, I mean there’s West Seattle, obviously, but, no, you know what I mean, right?”

“Right,” how is it possible for someone to be so irresistibly cute when they just ramble on about nothing?

“Well, I should let you get going, I don’t want to keep you,” she says, patting the trunk under us and jumping back down to the ground. No, really, you can keep me.

“Yeah… yeah. Well, we’ll see each other around?” I don’t even care how desperate my voice sounds, I just want it to be true.

“Yeah, definitely,” she says with another subtle flush on her cheeks. She gives an awkward little wave and darts across the parking lot and into the building.

Definitely.